#Isolation is doing bad things to them
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thinking about todd and his resolve towardā¦ not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with whatās being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesnāt necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story āfrom camp in sixth gradeā, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesnāt voice it until they all have). heās not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, heās just lonely, and heās generally okay with that. he doesnāt have friends and thatās fine, he doesnāt participate in class and thatās fine, he doesnāt have a relationship with his family and thatās fineāhe could live without any real connection and heād have been, more or less, fine.
the thing about when he says āi can take care of myself just fine!ā is that he isnāt really wrong, you can infer that heās been doing it his entire life anyway, itās that ātaking care of yourselfā isnāt the same thing as really living or being happy. toddās an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but heās also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isnāt friendless because heās an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, heās friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neilās unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but arenāt really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)
thereās obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie heās all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. heās already accepted being the family disappointment, and heās already accepted heāll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesnāt like it, but heād have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but heād have managed. heād done it for that long already, anyhow.
#and like obviously itās BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse butā¦ genuinely heād have been alright#all things considered#itās super interesting to me how itās neil who starts the domino effect of toddās life becoming Less Shit#both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that heās never seen before and refusing to let him hide away#but it isnāt a savior moment on neilās part#and i find it so odd when people frame it as one#todd is likeā¦ actively irritated at him in that scene š#neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself#but todd canāt accept it yet because he canāt see what neil sees in him yet and doesnāt believe it exists at all#and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him#and as far as todds concerned itāll be for nothing#as far as toddās concerned āneil isnāt a savior or a hero in that scene heās an annoyance#a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same#i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (ādonāt you think you could be?ā / āno! iā¦ i donāt know!ā +#ācome on you heard keating donāt you want to *do* something about it?ā / ā*yes* butā¦ā) doesnāt mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN#todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims +#outside of neil but that isnāt really the case#and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesnāt get explored a lot but thereās still evidence of him being his own person#heās not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesnāt personally agree +#(the entire ānoā scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isnāt around and while they arenāt focuses +#there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they arenāt attatched to each other +#in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing)#this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me#mad#neilās goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything#and todd doesnāt need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything heās a normal guy with anxiety#come on guys#dps#dead poets society#todd anderson
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im hashtag breaking the cycle <3
#my post#do you just hit a certain age and become obsessed with watching shit about people getting murdered irl????#i think jt also has something to do w it reinforcinf how they see the world#we live in the middle of nowhere so theyre scared of other people. and they watch things so they can go ālook! see! cities are dangerous an#bad! never go! never leave!ā#want to shake them hy the shouldefs and go You Are Being Played. Please Interact With Other Human Beings. The World Is Not As Scary As You#Think It Is#guj sorry i have to rant about how people from by me are just TERRIFIED of other people and its exhausting#WHICH IS WHY IM LEAVING!!! YAY!!! 2 WEEKS BAYBEEEEE!!!! I WILL NOT BE ISOLATED AND ALONE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!
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to me john winchester is like. worst man alive. just wants to do right by his family. cares about his sons more than anything in the world but puts them in life-threatening danger every single day. hubris and arrogance of a god and never believes they will actually die despite the fact that he also has the paranoia and terror and deep intense mistrust of the world of eight year old me. treats both his sons like his soldiers, his eldest son like his surrogate wife/best friend/coparent/counsellor, his youngest son like the troubled-drug-addict-bad-boyfriend problem child miles before he ever actually does anything problematic to john and even then just because he has hobbies and wants to go to college.
wants them to be happy and themselves and have good lives, but thinks he needs them to be mini-him and good at fighting and not much else, and that takes priority. 'wants' all sorts of good things for them but just keeps postponing those good things until he avenges their mother until in a second their childhood's gone by. feels deep immeasurable guilt for everything he's done and knows he's ruined his children's lives. damages them in a hundred different ways, one third that he realises at the time and decides to do anyway, another third that he's unaware of at the time and realises later, and the last third that he'll never realise and never take back.
loves them miles too much and still not enough for it to matter. teaches them both that they're the only things that matter in the world and that they don't matter at all. still fervently believes that everything he did was for the best and was needed and had to be done, and always will.
#to elaborate its like.#things john knows are bad while he does them: raising them on the road without a home. raising them only to hunt and kill above all.#ignoring what they want.#things john realises more are bad in hindsight than he did at the time: parentifying dean (though he sort-of knows while this is happening#too) and 'putting too much' on him. isolating sam and dean from any potential friends or connections outside of him and each other.#things he probably will never realise are bad: the 'drunken rages' and moments of lost control - because i think in his head they just Didn#Happen - he can accept hes a bad father but only in ways that can be justified ways that were to do with hunting. treating sam like a mix#between a cursed object to be protected at all costs and a train destined to go off the rails (he will always think this was justified). hi#word being law above all#john winchester#precanon#sam & john#dean & john#spn#oliver talks#supernatural
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thinkin about the deweys . as always
#there is this trend i have noticed within myself#where whenever it hits finals season i want to avoid doing my finals so so so bad#that i just start coming up with the most unhinged depressing fic concepts ever known by man#today's is a post-trade queer isolation fic centered on the way things weren't perfect in minnesota not by far#but at least connor was a little sure -- a bit mind you nothing crazy or anything#but a little sure that if his teammates didn't already know what was going on with brandon they'd just accepted a certain level of#Weirdness#that gave them a pretty long leash re: what they could get away with without being noticed or ostracized#but now he's on the leafs and he's running into all these new issues he never had to worry about before#they want to know why he's on his phone all the time. they want to know if he has a girlfriend. they want to know about brandon#but not like that of course why would they have any reason to think it was like that. and even if they did think it was like that --#connor has enough to worry about already without being on sheldon keefe's or auston matthews' or whoever's shitlist for being queer#or for that matter the toronto media's shitlist. and to top it all off he and brandon aren't even in the same country anymore.#not even in the same CONFERENCE#fuck.#bees speaks#ok bye im gonna go stare at this stupid poem for a while#rpf talk#2126
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Atla live action š
#thats my honest reaction š#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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The philoctetes is a comedy actually
#The philoctetes#Odysseus#Neoptolemus#philoctetes#Philoctetes weeping with joy thank the gods my son neo sweet sweet boy thank you for taking me with you#The second odysseus has his bow and revels that it was one of his plots the entire time#Philoctetes spending the next 20 minutes of the audio book cursing odysseus out#Odysseus sticking out his tongue and waving the bow above his head going nah nah nah we don't actually need you now that I have your bow#Like I do feel bad for philoctetes#The abandonment the isolation the chronic pain the fact that same guy who caused all of that then stole your price possession#But also#This is hilarious#Neo caught in the middle like uhhh I liked talking to the old man and I feel bad about how we handled this#And odysseus being like yah that's called a conscious and you need to set it on fire the only thing that matters is results#Headcanon that odysseus just collects bows from every famous figure. Yes he does steal most of them#Odysseus being a rat bastard my beloved
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Depressing seeing blogs who claim to be 'all about loving trans people!' and 'omg totally t4t' etc reblogging and making memes claiming yet again that believing that the intersectionality of being a man and trans (or masc and trans) causes unique forms of bigotry to emerge targeted at both those things - is inherently transmisogynistic and ofc indicates that the person loves to harass and bully trans women and blame them for everything.
Instead of, you know, it being coincidental that some of the people who talk about their own oppression with their own word which just happens to be controversial (because some trans feminine and even trans masculine people have a bee in their bonnets due to critically misunderstanding the way the world works) happen to be shitty people.
Maybe it shouldn't be if everyone grew up a bit and learnt that the world is more complex than they think and nothing is black and white.
(also tagging it as transandrophobia to make sure we see how much you hate us is cruel and unusual btw)
#do you really think bigotry only targets trans women or have you just been told to believe that#have you wrapped yourself up in the cis radfems 'we are the most oppressed therefore nothing bad happens to you ever' blanket by mistake?#who are you helping by generalising a whole group of trans people?#are you really trans positive/supportive or only so if they fit your group?#are you trying to justify your own suffering by making it seem to have a point and therefore exclusive to you?#are you doing the cis transphobes work for them?#do you feel isolated and weary of those outside of your niche group and over trusting of those within it?#do you say things jkr would agree with?#congratulations any kind of trans person reading this - you have been radicalised!#time to actually listen to each other - end the oppression olympics and actually start to uplift each other!#trans masc people don't owe you silent suffering just because you can't see past your own victimhood
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I was feeling like a bit of slightly-angsty isolation this thursday, so...
AU where, instead of a double transmigration happening, RokSoo transmigrated to ogCale's body, but ogCale was put into a newly made double of his body and confined into a dimension pocket.
And just, no one knows about it and he can't get out until certain conditions are reached. For example: that someone finally gets rid of WS.
Luckily for him, RokSoo and company are rather fast to kill the white star. It only took them two years, way better than in his previous timeline.
Although, those are still two years in which og!Cale, the 40-year-old war soldier turned an 18-year-old time-traveler, had to spend trapped in that place. Completely alone except for the occasional god checking on him, and a few animals a god had the kindness to let for him. (It was Loki, but no one is going to call him out).
Og!Cale is a person who loves easily and deeply but, contrary to his true nature, someone who lived through decades without deep boundaries to gave him feedback. Whether it was during the war that took everyone he knew from him, or before that, with the family he choose to stay at distance and love them from the side-lines. He lived so long without feeling genuine care, making any emotional bond that isn't one-sided, that he's hungry for them.
Being in the past, where everyone he loves hadn't died yet, where they will live, and being so closeā just a dimensional door away, reallyā but not being able to see them, hear them, nor even talk to them... It hurts.
He's happy and so, so glad. They're alive. They can laugh and eat and breath againā and, someday, he will see them again. Even if they don't know how to act with him and is uncomfortable. Even if, most probably, they don't know he's not there and don't miss him, he will see them again.
So, yeah, he's fine with this situation. He accepted this.
That doesn't mean that the waiting doesn't suck. He, a freedom loving person, trapped in the godly version of a safehouse. Most of the days it's only he, his thoughts and the ridiculous massive library Athena managed to fit in here. And his friends, the animals, of course.
Inside of that lonely place, of course, Cale gets attached to the animals that are by his side everyday. He was already an animal lover, to begin with. The little guys who just go through their lives being absolutely adorable and are more loyal than most people around... How can he not love them?
Besides, Athanasia, the griffin, gives the best cuddles he has ever had.
He gets used, eventually. It's not like he never had lived in a big house where the only beings around wouldn't speak more than three words to him. (Well, at least the animals try to talk with him. He just needed to learn what they mean.)
And Cale can do whatever he wants here. If he wants to play the violin or paint, do acrobatics or keep his training, he can just do it. There's no need to hide. No need to restrain himself.
There's no one here to get sad at her memories. No one to spread rumors about 'skills' or 'talents'. No one to turn his interests into weapons against his own family by comparing Bassen to him.
Eventually, it feels like a different kind of freedom here.
āAnd then he gets out.
#so he has to stay there until the things with ws finish#he's so bored and trying not to have bad thoughts#so he keeps himself bussy with anything he can think of#the library? he read it thrice already#he plays with every single of the animals there#he teaches the parrot to sing and give sassy remarks#he plays catch the ball with the griffin#and fake fights with the fenrir#he also talks with them all the time as if he could understand them and the gods don't know if he's joking or not#except loki. he knows the truth#he tried every single hobby that he could think of at least once#kept some of them but he's never doing pottery ever again#too much mud under his fingers. his brain and og!cale himself didn't like it#krs!cale is gonna be jealous that someone else got the chance to live his slacker life#while he was running around dealing with terrorists#but og!cale had had enough isolation for a life time (hah)#the god of death is going to be in some deep shit once they find out#og!cale probably would try to explain that#no. it was not kidnapping. i accepted this#āi mean. being trapped in a dimensional pocket where you can lose track of the time easily is not that fun#but it wasn't that bad either. I had animals with me"#and accidentally make it worst#though they get distracted when og!cale presents his pets to the children and mary#og!cale henituse#og cale#og cale henituse#og!cale#athanasia the griffin#she's baby and could kill a man with a single paw#but she most likely won't
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Ohhh I am trying so hard not to get mad at people online you have to believe me but that post about bloodborne liking women is driving me a little bit crazy not gonna lie. We can all so clearly see and point out misogyny in ds (um. Im hoping at least) so why can't we ever do it in bloodborne? Even though its the same people? What about bloodborne makes you think theyre feminists all of a sudden. Because it talks about women? Okay, but that's not how that works, a work that disregards women is misogynistic, that much everyone knows, but a work that does talk about women but portray them in a weird light can also very much be. Also whenever people say bloodborne is about women or femininity, a huge chunk of the time what they mean is bloodborne is about motherhood and pregnancy. Which is true, but thats... Not what womanhood is thats not what women are about you can't just reduce women as a concept to birth. And motherhood. And being caretakers. Almost every woman in bloodborne has less agency than their men counterparts, most of them are more strongly abused, shown as complacent and weak and only exist to serve. Even maria has no agency and is constantly driven back to the fact she was gman's apprentice and following he and laurence's orders. She has little identity outside of them in written down ingame lore and the one time she did something outside of them, is the one time she became a caretaker (because all women are it seems). The fact the og lady maria npc even exists is even worse on that part. I'm using her as an example because shes the one people most often take as an example of bb being good about women (look theres a strong female character!) but it's obviously much more than just her, just look at arianna and adella for more than one second. The only npcs i can think of that i would consider Actually Good And Normal About Women are eileen and fauxsefka. And i mean actual npcs im not counting bosses that we dont know much about on a personal level (like rom and amelia)
What I'm trying to say is, i think it's awesome when people have feminist interpretations of bloodborne and i think its a good thing to take those female characters for yourself and its a good thing to make the game as transgender and gay as you want it to be, and its perfect soil for that too, i do it all the time and find many many themes in it by myself, but we can't keep lying to ourselves that it was any good at it on its own. It's soulsborne for fuck's sake it has Always been Really Weird about women and minorities just look at ds look at firekeepers and gwyndolin and many other examples. Bloodborne isnt exempt from that just because men are writing about pregnancy as horror.
#i swear i say this every month but like i feel strongly about this#slsborne isnt 'inherently gay' WE made it#and thats a compliment to us and not the writers#the writers did not intend to make it as gay & trans & feminist as we interpreted it#that much is very clear to me#its completely ok and awesome to celebrate bb as like trans culture and whatnot#i do that too im always talking about how its an extremely trans game#but we have to remember its because we saw ourselves in it and made it so not because the writers made it so#miyazaki is absolutely not a feminist icon or whatever#theres always more i have to say about this but i cant ever figure out how to word it#the thing is the way women are in this game are fine if they were isolated cases#but its the fact that they almost all are Like That that makes it bad#cuz believe me i love women with issues and women that r horrible people and women that are doomed to have no agency#i think theyre always the most interesting characters. but thats in cases where its not All Of Them#when its All Of Them that r like that it says something abt the writers more than anything#my worst curse is that i badly love female characters that are forced to be serviceable#im the blood saints fan im the firekeepers fan. but i see and know how absolutely fucking shitty of a trope they are#bc they dont exist in a vaccuum
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Digitalised + coloured + redesigned version of my Suiren and Vaatu sketch from two days ago, as promised!!
Coming up with Suirenās design was a very long process of trying and failing because after youāve drawn 9+ different versions of one character, the creativity starts to run a little dry, but Iām actually really proud of this one, she looks absolutely adorable <3
(Also yeah I did mostly just scribble Vaatuās pattern because who has the energy to draw the all out accurately. Not me, thatās who, Iām chronically tired. People who draw him on the regular have my utmost respect. Heās still a funky little guy though :D)
Bonus, Raava incessantly screaming inside Suiren (and being completely ignored because Suiren is tired of her) while all this is happening:
#and yeah I did say Iād do a fuckass background but all my energy went to figuring out Suirenās design#plus I suck at backgrounds so.. woe. LoK screenshot be upon ye#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#vaatu#I donāt really know what to say in these tags lmao#usually I reach the tag limit really really easily but between my previous post and answering that ask Iāve ran out of things to say#someone please indulge me in this au I have Way Too Many Thoughts about it#hmmā¦#you know. I think people often make different avatar aus because they dislike Korra or think sheās a bad avatar#I donāt. I love Korra. I would kill and die for her#(says the red lotus stan. yes Iām well aware. no need to call me out)#and I think sheās a good avatar who was dealt a shitty hand both in universe and by the showās production team#Iām making this au BECAUSE I love Korra. if Suiren is the avatar Korra gets to be a normal SWT girl#sheāll get to grow up with her parents. not isolated and degraded all the time for not being perfect. maybe sheād have a sibling or two#and Suiren gets spared her sotrl trauma too. win win for everyone!!#(I return Suiren gets the weight of the world on her shoulders lmao. but itās fine. 1. she isnāt alone in it. she has her family#2. three quarters of the LoK threats are basically automatically eliminated for her. the RL are her parents. she fuses with Vaatu#and all she has to do to defeat Kuvira is to take her dress off š /hj. basically. sheāll be okay. better than in sotrl at least)#also look. I love Suiren. sheās my dear child whoās been with me since I was 12. of course I wanna make her the main character in everything#and dark avatar Korra AUs have been done countless times before me. Katās doing one right now!! I just wanna do something thatās my own#and also I wanna focus less on pain and trauma for once and more on the sheer hilarity of the shenanigans that will occur post-fusion#cause this isnāt Adumbration where Korra lets Raava go and fuses with Vaatu instead. here Suirenās got both of them at the same time#and they have 10000 yearsā worth of grievances to air out. itās like living with your divorced parents#trust me I would know. except mine arenāt divorced. theyāre Worse and everyone wishes theyād just separate#anyway. that aside. Suirenās not getting any sleep any time soon while those two duke it out
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i fear that i donāt acknowledge enough the fact that i KNOW rhinedottir's evil !!! and she's horrible !!! and that she's wholly ireedamable !!! i know and love and respect that fact !!! i'd shoot myself in the frontal lobe if hoyo made her out to NOT be wholly evil !!!! but the reason i always go on and on and on about her humanity and complexity is because. SHE IS ALWAYS DUMBED DOWN !!!! TO JUST THAT !!!! it's literally the greatest and most moving theme (IN MY OPINION!!!) in genshin, that human beings are COMPLEX !!!! and they're MORE than just evil or bad or wtv. we see this through every character to almost ever be introduced to us -> literally just take arlecchino as an example. if anyone was at all paying attention to the discourse around her when the fontaine teaser dropped (and. 4.0 in general) it was the BIGGEST thing to watch people argue between "she's a harbinger, so she's clearly the most evil and the big antagonist of fontaine because of these accounts we have right now !!" versus the argument of "we've only seen ONE perspective of her so far, and it's no duh that all this stuff sucks -- but there's no way she's JUST gonna be all these horrible things,, because literally nobody to exist is just horrible and cruel with zero to no good in them. and also that'd make a shit narrative by hoyo in a story driven game" AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED !!!! we saw !!! in REAL time !!! that while arlecchino was rightfully cruel and horrible and, yes the things she did were fucked up beyond belief and she should absolutely not be excused for any of it - she is NOT just evil ! she's shown to care, albeit in a fucked up way that only shows she's even more deranged ; but what's so incredibly important about her is the way that her being "evil" doesn't mean she's incapable of anything else. She is evil, yesā but so many of those evil actions have *motives* and *reasons* that explain them (but not excuse or condone!) and, although they donāt save her grace or anything of the sort, they DO show her true character. AND YHATS SO IMPORTANT!!!! Sheās capable of being an antagonist while still being justified in some form, and given nuance and backstory and redeemable traits
I am !!! NEVER !!! going to say rhinedottir is a good person. she isn't! no shit sherlock ! how the fuck do you think im gonna go on and ignore the fact she sent both her kids to their deaths, and also fed one to another. dare i say, that is NOT anything good !!! suprise of the century !! woah !!! -- but what i AM gonna say is that she's much beyond that? hello !! not only has the point of her having not a zero good trait or will in her body been. proven false over and over and over again. but it's such ! Sad and not compelling is character choice for her *not* to be nuanced and complex and justified in a fucked up !! ā like do you REALLY think hoyoverse (who is clearly capable of, and likes to make) complex characters, who are horrible, while not being *only* those horrible things, would pass up a golden (haha) opportunity to make a characters whose entire existence is JUST that??!,!2????
believe what you want! Do what you want! This is a silly video game that will be eroded along with time in a hundred in so years ! But god so help me, please donāt be willfully ignorant to the complexity and nuance of characters, just because you want a villain. No villain , real or not, is entirely evil. People are complex and multi faceted and people really, really need to hop off this cart of going āokay but stop saying sheās multifaceted because it takes away from her being evilā because it DOESNT! If anything, it makes her so much more compelling . Which is something some people can apparently. Not handle.
#this isnāt even MENTIONING that she survived the cataclysm and#the implications that you guys are going to immediately villainize the one that got their nation destroyed. rather than the ones#that destroyed and cursed the people of it#HELLO.#-> I donāt see asmoday fans! or phanes fans!#because people are SO ignorant to things when it isnāt shoved in your face#you guys care about Rhinedottir this much because sheās so publicized. but celestia is JUST as bad and I have yet to see more than like#three fans of them. the group/faction who fit peopleās perception of Rhinedottir even more than#Rhine herself#(not including the istaroth fans. you are all lovely. I love you guys.)#(thank you for being insane over her.)#-> like yesss guys! letās demonize and antagonize the war survivor who went through just as much trauma as everyone else#who was just human (a point which was just established in the Fontaine quest to be HUGE when it comes to such extensive trauma like that)#and is clearly fucked up in the head. a tad against her decison#IM NOT SAYING THAT EXCUSES HER??? NO SHIT IT DOESNT???#but GOD so help me. THATS HER REASON!#HER OERSONAL JUSTIFICATION! MOTIVE!#why do people have to be so obsessed with making her an unjustified and evil entity when sheās. not that#sheās justified! even if it isnāt by a practical standard!#but I need YOU to put yourself into her shoes for a second#how the fuck would YOU react to your people being murdered and cursed#being wholly antagonized by everyone to live#experiencing isolation from society#and then going through the whole ālike teo thirds of my magnum opuses just diedā thing#this isnāt even! to MENTION! the fact she holds a fucked up sense of affection for them?#do you truly think she felt NOTHING#I donāt care if you wanna talk about her sending them out to be killed. that doesnāt meant she canāt feel grief#theyāre DRAGONSdeidgned for destruction what the fucj did you expect#-> hate her all you want! thatās okay! but donāt villainize her for no reason other that uoucamt think beyond surface level#crepe rambles
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i am. SO fucking tired of ppl trying to make "problematic" fiction out to being the same fucking thing as shit me and other csa survivors have gone through. how do yall not realize how fucking disrespectful it is to have our trauma watered down to be equal to some shit thats literally not even real ????? THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING, ONE HAS AN ACTIVE REAL ABUSER AND REAL VICTIM, ONE IS A FAKE STORY ABOUT FAKE PEOPLE.
#there are ways to prevent minors from being groomed and that is MAKE SURE THEY HAVE ACCESS TO MANY ADULTS THEY CAN TURN TO#IF ONE OF THEM ENDS UP BEING FUCKED UP#ISOLATION IS A PREDATORS BEST FRIEND#IF YOU ISOLATE PEOPLE BASED ON THE FICTION THEY READ OR WRITE YOU ARE ONLY LEADING THEM TO MORE LIKELY DANGER#whether that be isolating them FROM people who read/write the ''bad'' stuff or isolating them BRCAUSE they read/write the ''bad'' stuff#do not assume just because someone likes darkfic that they are dangerous or someone that condemns darkfic that they are safe#people who loudly condemn things in public can (note: not always. but CAN) be more dangerous in private#you cant automatically trust people just because they insist theyre ''safe'' and ''one of the good ones unlike THOSE people''#trust and safety is something thats built and proven not just insisted upon!!!!#and note: i do NOT like this type of darkfic. its triggering.#but i know people who make it are not fucking hurting people by just making fiction in their own corners of the internet#csa tw#anti fanpol#ask to tag#im. so fucking. tired of this shit. i dont even want to be THINKING about this topic rn#but it pisses me off that ppl keep watering down shit me and others hsve gone through and i need to vent a little#discomfort is rising so ending this here to prevent my brain from ending in intrusive thought territory about my trauma
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i'm overwhelmed by the amount of positive comments i got on my latest fic! my heart goes out to all the survivors of sexual abuse, and i'm glad my fic has helped many of you process your own trauma. <3
#personal#i honestly wrote it bc i was feeling quite Bad abt very Old Wounds haha as i am sometimes wont to do#bc of a person/event that reminded me of my abuser#i thought it may resonate with like one or two people but i mainly wrote it for myself#and i am so surprised that so many people have messaged me about it#also kinda sad bc that means they've Not Had A Good Time#however i'm very glad my fiction can provide some sort of relief/catharsis#it's an isolating experience to have very ambivalent feelings abt your own abuse#and to become aware of your own patterns of seeking to repeat it/seeking toxic dynamics that remind you of it#about 6 years have passed since i was last abused in such a way#and while i do get randomly sad about it and while it has affected my psyche in a very significant way#and while i still do get the occasional flashback albeit it is much more rare nowadays#and still do react to certain things quite disproportionately#i have to say it DOES get better#esp if you make a tangible effort to heal#you will get there#and while it is a part of you it is not who you are#and you are capable of living a fulfilled and satisfying life#sexually and otherwise#i used to be so upset about not being a Good Victim#but the best thing i've done is that i have given myself grace and stopped policing/moralising my own experience#(that does not mean allowing myself to engage in repeated self-abuse)#(even if i have slipped a couple of times bc i am human)#i have allowed the space for my toxic fantasies instead of trying to banish them#but i have sought to fill my life with other positive experiences#while not forgetting or erasing the negatives#and while my abuse will always be a part of me it will not prevent me from being happy#also kink has helped a lot as well as writing#but i advise ppl to tread VERY carefully with kink as esp as abuse survivors#it is a slippery slope and it can be dangerous in many ways
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#no but i actually hate that i made this blog to vent freely bc i have no other place to talk abt anything or my feelings or thoughts#and im a very isolated person and a shut in and i dont have a job or go to school successfully and i dont know anyone#like blah blah. i have struggled and im drowning in them all. like why the fuck cant ppl just comprehend that we all have different views o#life and the world? like 'wallowing' is .. i have heavy anxiety which is completely untreated and it gives me real bad suicidal ideation#if me complaining on a blog that im btw not forcing anyone to read helps me to stay alive and get my pain out... why does that matter to#other ppl?????? like why does other ppl get so mad seeing someone they dont know vent??#also this goes for everyone but u can literally have no idea abt all of a person's life#esp on here where all u see is like my text posts where i vent abt how i FEEL. bc i want to. ??? i want to do that so i do#u dont know the context u dont know my experiences or what has happened in my life or context#u dont know what has transpired between me and other ppl i vent abt#like u know fuck all. u dont have the right to pass judgement onto a stranger that doesnt even know u exist#and even if i complain on here bc i dont have a real life but i want to#u have no idea what im doing with the rest of my time???? im making lists im trying to look up info abt school and programs#im trying to read abt my mental health issues and im doing mindfulness and im going to the gym#i am trying!!! and u dont have any idea what i do or how i try and u dont have any right to judge me bc all u see is one part that is me#complaining bc this is what i use this blog for. genuinely i do not get why this is even a big deal or why anyone would follow or read smth#makes them irritated???????#idk.. i dont wanna disable anons and stuff (bc funnily enough no one ever says this stuff with their url š¤Ø) bc i dont wanna miss out on the#stuff but it is infuriating that i have nowhere to go no friends no therapist etc etc to talk#and this is all i have bc i want to vent !!!!!!! and then i have to be like ok now other ppl i dont even know#and who dont actually give a fuck abt me are gonna judge me and tell me im living incorrectly#and ive never gotten more such things than now? why do y'all hate that i vent abt losing out on my 1st love#and feeling heartbroken?????? what the fuck? that has nothing to do with anyone else but me? like genuinely wtf#i just wanna vent bc i feel like im drowning but now i feel like i cant bc ppl just judge and like ugh
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Maybe the fogās here because I want it here.
Is that why I opened the windows?
Maybe I asked the fog to comeā¦
-MAG170: Recollection
#furry art#anthro art#fursona#ink markings#vent art#avoiding tagging the show the lines are from bc the art has nothing to do with the podcast lmao#the rest of these tags are rambling you can stop reading now no worries !#itās just getting gross outta my head and onto paper#Iām so bad at conversations and I know itās my own fault but it feels isolating#I gotta get better at talking but Iām just afraid to reach out to people#no idea how to talk that isnāt infodumping#I just wanna talk about my OCs or my fandoms or justā¦. anything but feel like no one wants to hear that shit lmao#sometimes I feel like the people in my life would rather interact with anyone other than me lmao#I feel way better after drawing this out tho#bless the arts#i know i know i need to be the one to reach out more#and i know my anxiety stems from my parents hardcore ridiculing me whenever i talked to much#and my exes ignoring me at the drop of a hat for whatever new thing piqued them#but its hard to know that logically and get my brain to cooperate#and not think that I'm automatically annoying every person i speak to#although maybe it's also better because anyone who gets stuck in a room irl with me knows i don't shut up lmao#maybe its for the best i can never manage to do it in text
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cancelling my therapy appointment for this month (on the 4th) because i really just dont have it in me to hav to walk in there and tell her about how much a failure i am & have been since we last talked n sit in her judgement & scolding for an hour straight
#also we do not have the money for it anyway#n my mom makes sure i know that#whihc only makes my anxiety worse#all my progress feels like it's been washed away#n i know if i go she'll just tell me im the only one who can help myself#but i dont know how#and i dont have the energy i am just scared#soso scared n tired n alone#even when i push myself 2 apply for jobs none of them ever get back to me#i feel like im even losing the ability to talk w the person im closest to#im just shutting down n i hate that#i feel so boring#i feel so useless#& i am just so fucking scared that its gonna get worse n theyre gonna hate me or im gonna get too bad n isolate myself n lose them#& it's gonna be all my fault because i didnt fix myself like im supposed to be able to#i cant even make my body look right when it's the one thing i actually know how to do#something ive done before
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