#Isolation is doing bad things to them
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toddtakefive Ā· 5 months ago
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thinking about todd and his resolve towardā€¦ not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with whatā€™s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesnā€™t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ā€˜from camp in sixth gradeā€™, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesnā€™t voice it until they all have). heā€™s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, heā€™s just lonely, and heā€™s generally okay with that. he doesnā€™t have friends and thatā€™s fine, he doesnā€™t participate in class and thatā€™s fine, he doesnā€™t have a relationship with his family and thatā€™s fineā€”he could live without any real connection and heā€™d have been, more or less, fine.
the thing about when he says ā€œi can take care of myself just fine!ā€ is that he isnā€™t really wrong, you can infer that heā€™s been doing it his entire life anyway, itā€™s that ā€˜taking care of yourselfā€™ isnā€™t the same thing as really living or being happy. toddā€™s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but heā€™s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isnā€™t friendless because heā€™s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, heā€™s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neilā€™s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but arenā€™t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)
thereā€™s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie heā€™s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. heā€™s already accepted being the family disappointment, and heā€™s already accepted heā€™ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesnā€™t like it, but heā€™d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but heā€™d have managed. heā€™d done it for that long already, anyhow.
#and like obviously itā€™s BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse butā€¦ genuinely heā€™d have been alright#all things considered#itā€™s super interesting to me how itā€™s neil who starts the domino effect of toddā€™s life becoming Less Shit#both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that heā€™s never seen before and refusing to let him hide away#but it isnā€™t a savior moment on neilā€™s part#and i find it so odd when people frame it as one#todd is likeā€¦ actively irritated at him in that scene šŸ˜­#neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself#but todd canā€™t accept it yet because he canā€™t see what neil sees in him yet and doesnā€™t believe it exists at all#and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him#and as far as todds concerned itā€™ll be for nothing#as far as toddā€™s concerned ā€‹neil isnā€™t a savior or a hero in that scene heā€™s an annoyance#a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same#i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (ā€˜donā€™t you think you could be?ā€™ / ā€˜no! iā€¦ i donā€™t know!ā€™ +#ā€˜come on you heard keating donā€™t you want to *do* something about it?ā€™ / ā€˜*yes* butā€¦ā€™) doesnā€™t mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN#todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims +#outside of neil but that isnā€™t really the case#and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesnā€™t get explored a lot but thereā€™s still evidence of him being his own person#heā€™s not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesnā€™t personally agree +#(the entire ā€˜noā€™ scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isnā€™t around and while they arenā€™t focuses +#there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they arenā€™t attatched to each other +#in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing)#this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me#mad#neilā€™s goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything#and todd doesnā€™t need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything heā€™s a normal guy with anxiety#come on guys#dps#dead poets society#todd anderson
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boygirlctommy Ā· 3 months ago
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im hashtag breaking the cycle <3
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sammygender Ā· 6 months ago
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to me john winchester is like. worst man alive. just wants to do right by his family. cares about his sons more than anything in the world but puts them in life-threatening danger every single day. hubris and arrogance of a god and never believes they will actually die despite the fact that he also has the paranoia and terror and deep intense mistrust of the world of eight year old me. treats both his sons like his soldiers, his eldest son like his surrogate wife/best friend/coparent/counsellor, his youngest son like the troubled-drug-addict-bad-boyfriend problem child miles before he ever actually does anything problematic to john and even then just because he has hobbies and wants to go to college.
wants them to be happy and themselves and have good lives, but thinks he needs them to be mini-him and good at fighting and not much else, and that takes priority. 'wants' all sorts of good things for them but just keeps postponing those good things until he avenges their mother until in a second their childhood's gone by. feels deep immeasurable guilt for everything he's done and knows he's ruined his children's lives. damages them in a hundred different ways, one third that he realises at the time and decides to do anyway, another third that he's unaware of at the time and realises later, and the last third that he'll never realise and never take back.
loves them miles too much and still not enough for it to matter. teaches them both that they're the only things that matter in the world and that they don't matter at all. still fervently believes that everything he did was for the best and was needed and had to be done, and always will.
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doghartzy Ā· 7 months ago
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thinkin about the deweys . as always
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puppyeared Ā· 8 months ago
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Atla live action šŸ˜
#thats my honest reaction šŸ˜#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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backpackingspace Ā· 3 months ago
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The philoctetes is a comedy actually
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sorin-sunchild Ā· 8 months ago
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Depressing seeing blogs who claim to be 'all about loving trans people!' and 'omg totally t4t' etc reblogging and making memes claiming yet again that believing that the intersectionality of being a man and trans (or masc and trans) causes unique forms of bigotry to emerge targeted at both those things - is inherently transmisogynistic and ofc indicates that the person loves to harass and bully trans women and blame them for everything.
Instead of, you know, it being coincidental that some of the people who talk about their own oppression with their own word which just happens to be controversial (because some trans feminine and even trans masculine people have a bee in their bonnets due to critically misunderstanding the way the world works) happen to be shitty people.
Maybe it shouldn't be if everyone grew up a bit and learnt that the world is more complex than they think and nothing is black and white.
(also tagging it as transandrophobia to make sure we see how much you hate us is cruel and unusual btw)
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sadlynotthevoid Ā· 10 months ago
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I was feeling like a bit of slightly-angsty isolation this thursday, so...
AU where, instead of a double transmigration happening, RokSoo transmigrated to ogCale's body, but ogCale was put into a newly made double of his body and confined into a dimension pocket.
And just, no one knows about it and he can't get out until certain conditions are reached. For example: that someone finally gets rid of WS.
Luckily for him, RokSoo and company are rather fast to kill the white star. It only took them two years, way better than in his previous timeline.
Although, those are still two years in which og!Cale, the 40-year-old war soldier turned an 18-year-old time-traveler, had to spend trapped in that place. Completely alone except for the occasional god checking on him, and a few animals a god had the kindness to let for him. (It was Loki, but no one is going to call him out).
Og!Cale is a person who loves easily and deeply but, contrary to his true nature, someone who lived through decades without deep boundaries to gave him feedback. Whether it was during the war that took everyone he knew from him, or before that, with the family he choose to stay at distance and love them from the side-lines. He lived so long without feeling genuine care, making any emotional bond that isn't one-sided, that he's hungry for them.
Being in the past, where everyone he loves hadn't died yet, where they will live, and being so closeā€” just a dimensional door away, reallyā€” but not being able to see them, hear them, nor even talk to them... It hurts.
He's happy and so, so glad. They're alive. They can laugh and eat and breath againā€” and, someday, he will see them again. Even if they don't know how to act with him and is uncomfortable. Even if, most probably, they don't know he's not there and don't miss him, he will see them again.
So, yeah, he's fine with this situation. He accepted this.
That doesn't mean that the waiting doesn't suck. He, a freedom loving person, trapped in the godly version of a safehouse. Most of the days it's only he, his thoughts and the ridiculous massive library Athena managed to fit in here. And his friends, the animals, of course.
Inside of that lonely place, of course, Cale gets attached to the animals that are by his side everyday. He was already an animal lover, to begin with. The little guys who just go through their lives being absolutely adorable and are more loyal than most people around... How can he not love them?
Besides, Athanasia, the griffin, gives the best cuddles he has ever had.
He gets used, eventually. It's not like he never had lived in a big house where the only beings around wouldn't speak more than three words to him. (Well, at least the animals try to talk with him. He just needed to learn what they mean.)
And Cale can do whatever he wants here. If he wants to play the violin or paint, do acrobatics or keep his training, he can just do it. There's no need to hide. No need to restrain himself.
There's no one here to get sad at her memories. No one to spread rumors about 'skills' or 'talents'. No one to turn his interests into weapons against his own family by comparing Bassen to him.
Eventually, it feels like a different kind of freedom here.
ā€”And then he gets out.
#so he has to stay there until the things with ws finish#he's so bored and trying not to have bad thoughts#so he keeps himself bussy with anything he can think of#the library? he read it thrice already#he plays with every single of the animals there#he teaches the parrot to sing and give sassy remarks#he plays catch the ball with the griffin#and fake fights with the fenrir#he also talks with them all the time as if he could understand them and the gods don't know if he's joking or not#except loki. he knows the truth#he tried every single hobby that he could think of at least once#kept some of them but he's never doing pottery ever again#too much mud under his fingers. his brain and og!cale himself didn't like it#krs!cale is gonna be jealous that someone else got the chance to live his slacker life#while he was running around dealing with terrorists#but og!cale had had enough isolation for a life time (hah)#the god of death is going to be in some deep shit once they find out#og!cale probably would try to explain that#no. it was not kidnapping. i accepted this#ā€œi mean. being trapped in a dimensional pocket where you can lose track of the time easily is not that fun#but it wasn't that bad either. I had animals with me"#and accidentally make it worst#though they get distracted when og!cale presents his pets to the children and mary#og!cale henituse#og cale#og cale henituse#og!cale#athanasia the griffin#she's baby and could kill a man with a single paw#but she most likely won't
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saintadeline Ā· 2 months ago
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Ohhh I am trying so hard not to get mad at people online you have to believe me but that post about bloodborne liking women is driving me a little bit crazy not gonna lie. We can all so clearly see and point out misogyny in ds (um. Im hoping at least) so why can't we ever do it in bloodborne? Even though its the same people? What about bloodborne makes you think theyre feminists all of a sudden. Because it talks about women? Okay, but that's not how that works, a work that disregards women is misogynistic, that much everyone knows, but a work that does talk about women but portray them in a weird light can also very much be. Also whenever people say bloodborne is about women or femininity, a huge chunk of the time what they mean is bloodborne is about motherhood and pregnancy. Which is true, but thats... Not what womanhood is thats not what women are about you can't just reduce women as a concept to birth. And motherhood. And being caretakers. Almost every woman in bloodborne has less agency than their men counterparts, most of them are more strongly abused, shown as complacent and weak and only exist to serve. Even maria has no agency and is constantly driven back to the fact she was gman's apprentice and following he and laurence's orders. She has little identity outside of them in written down ingame lore and the one time she did something outside of them, is the one time she became a caretaker (because all women are it seems). The fact the og lady maria npc even exists is even worse on that part. I'm using her as an example because shes the one people most often take as an example of bb being good about women (look theres a strong female character!) but it's obviously much more than just her, just look at arianna and adella for more than one second. The only npcs i can think of that i would consider Actually Good And Normal About Women are eileen and fauxsefka. And i mean actual npcs im not counting bosses that we dont know much about on a personal level (like rom and amelia)
What I'm trying to say is, i think it's awesome when people have feminist interpretations of bloodborne and i think its a good thing to take those female characters for yourself and its a good thing to make the game as transgender and gay as you want it to be, and its perfect soil for that too, i do it all the time and find many many themes in it by myself, but we can't keep lying to ourselves that it was any good at it on its own. It's soulsborne for fuck's sake it has Always been Really Weird about women and minorities just look at ds look at firekeepers and gwyndolin and many other examples. Bloodborne isnt exempt from that just because men are writing about pregnancy as horror.
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cuteniaarts Ā· 3 months ago
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Digitalised + coloured + redesigned version of my Suiren and Vaatu sketch from two days ago, as promised!!
Coming up with Suirenā€™s design was a very long process of trying and failing because after youā€™ve drawn 9+ different versions of one character, the creativity starts to run a little dry, but Iā€™m actually really proud of this one, she looks absolutely adorable <3
(Also yeah I did mostly just scribble Vaatuā€™s pattern because who has the energy to draw the all out accurately. Not me, thatā€™s who, Iā€™m chronically tired. People who draw him on the regular have my utmost respect. Heā€™s still a funky little guy though :D)
Bonus, Raava incessantly screaming inside Suiren (and being completely ignored because Suiren is tired of her) while all this is happening:
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#and yeah I did say Iā€™d do a fuckass background but all my energy went to figuring out Suirenā€™s design#plus I suck at backgrounds so.. woe. LoK screenshot be upon ye#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#vaatu#I donā€™t really know what to say in these tags lmao#usually I reach the tag limit really really easily but between my previous post and answering that ask Iā€™ve ran out of things to say#someone please indulge me in this au I have Way Too Many Thoughts about it#hmmā€¦#you know. I think people often make different avatar aus because they dislike Korra or think sheā€™s a bad avatar#I donā€™t. I love Korra. I would kill and die for her#(says the red lotus stan. yes Iā€™m well aware. no need to call me out)#and I think sheā€™s a good avatar who was dealt a shitty hand both in universe and by the showā€™s production team#Iā€™m making this au BECAUSE I love Korra. if Suiren is the avatar Korra gets to be a normal SWT girl#sheā€™ll get to grow up with her parents. not isolated and degraded all the time for not being perfect. maybe sheā€™d have a sibling or two#and Suiren gets spared her sotrl trauma too. win win for everyone!!#(I return Suiren gets the weight of the world on her shoulders lmao. but itā€™s fine. 1. she isnā€™t alone in it. she has her family#2. three quarters of the LoK threats are basically automatically eliminated for her. the RL are her parents. she fuses with Vaatu#and all she has to do to defeat Kuvira is to take her dress off šŸ˜ /hj. basically. sheā€™ll be okay. better than in sotrl at least)#also look. I love Suiren. sheā€™s my dear child whoā€™s been with me since I was 12. of course I wanna make her the main character in everything#and dark avatar Korra AUs have been done countless times before me. Katā€™s doing one right now!! I just wanna do something thatā€™s my own#and also I wanna focus less on pain and trauma for once and more on the sheer hilarity of the shenanigans that will occur post-fusion#cause this isnā€™t Adumbration where Korra lets Raava go and fuses with Vaatu instead. here Suirenā€™s got both of them at the same time#and they have 10000 yearsā€™ worth of grievances to air out. itā€™s like living with your divorced parents#trust me I would know. except mine arenā€™t divorced. theyā€™re Worse and everyone wishes theyā€™d just separate#anyway. that aside. Suirenā€™s not getting any sleep any time soon while those two duke it out
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monards Ā· 2 months ago
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i fear that i donā€™t acknowledge enough the fact that i KNOW rhinedottir's evil !!! and she's horrible !!! and that she's wholly ireedamable !!! i know and love and respect that fact !!! i'd shoot myself in the frontal lobe if hoyo made her out to NOT be wholly evil !!!! but the reason i always go on and on and on about her humanity and complexity is because. SHE IS ALWAYS DUMBED DOWN !!!! TO JUST THAT !!!! it's literally the greatest and most moving theme (IN MY OPINION!!!) in genshin, that human beings are COMPLEX !!!! and they're MORE than just evil or bad or wtv. we see this through every character to almost ever be introduced to us -> literally just take arlecchino as an example. if anyone was at all paying attention to the discourse around her when the fontaine teaser dropped (and. 4.0 in general) it was the BIGGEST thing to watch people argue between "she's a harbinger, so she's clearly the most evil and the big antagonist of fontaine because of these accounts we have right now !!" versus the argument of "we've only seen ONE perspective of her so far, and it's no duh that all this stuff sucks -- but there's no way she's JUST gonna be all these horrible things,, because literally nobody to exist is just horrible and cruel with zero to no good in them. and also that'd make a shit narrative by hoyo in a story driven game" AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED !!!! we saw !!! in REAL time !!! that while arlecchino was rightfully cruel and horrible and, yes the things she did were fucked up beyond belief and she should absolutely not be excused for any of it - she is NOT just evil ! she's shown to care, albeit in a fucked up way that only shows she's even more deranged ; but what's so incredibly important about her is the way that her being "evil" doesn't mean she's incapable of anything else. She is evil, yesā€” but so many of those evil actions have *motives* and *reasons* that explain them (but not excuse or condone!) and, although they donā€™t save her grace or anything of the sort, they DO show her true character. AND YHATS SO IMPORTANT!!!! Sheā€™s capable of being an antagonist while still being justified in some form, and given nuance and backstory and redeemable traits
I am !!! NEVER !!! going to say rhinedottir is a good person. she isn't! no shit sherlock ! how the fuck do you think im gonna go on and ignore the fact she sent both her kids to their deaths, and also fed one to another. dare i say, that is NOT anything good !!! suprise of the century !! woah !!! -- but what i AM gonna say is that she's much beyond that? hello !! not only has the point of her having not a zero good trait or will in her body been. proven false over and over and over again. but it's such ! Sad and not compelling is character choice for her *not* to be nuanced and complex and justified in a fucked up !! ā€” like do you REALLY think hoyoverse (who is clearly capable of, and likes to make) complex characters, who are horrible, while not being *only* those horrible things, would pass up a golden (haha) opportunity to make a characters whose entire existence is JUST that??!,!2????
believe what you want! Do what you want! This is a silly video game that will be eroded along with time in a hundred in so years ! But god so help me, please donā€™t be willfully ignorant to the complexity and nuance of characters, just because you want a villain. No villain , real or not, is entirely evil. People are complex and multi faceted and people really, really need to hop off this cart of going ā€œokay but stop saying sheā€™s multifaceted because it takes away from her being evilā€ because it DOESNT! If anything, it makes her so much more compelling . Which is something some people can apparently. Not handle.
#this isnā€™t even MENTIONING that she survived the cataclysm and#the implications that you guys are going to immediately villainize the one that got their nation destroyed. rather than the ones#that destroyed and cursed the people of it#HELLO.#-> I donā€™t see asmoday fans! or phanes fans!#because people are SO ignorant to things when it isnā€™t shoved in your face#you guys care about Rhinedottir this much because sheā€™s so publicized. but celestia is JUST as bad and I have yet to see more than like#three fans of them. the group/faction who fit peopleā€™s perception of Rhinedottir even more than#Rhine herself#(not including the istaroth fans. you are all lovely. I love you guys.)#(thank you for being insane over her.)#-> like yesss guys! letā€™s demonize and antagonize the war survivor who went through just as much trauma as everyone else#who was just human (a point which was just established in the Fontaine quest to be HUGE when it comes to such extensive trauma like that)#and is clearly fucked up in the head. a tad against her decison#IM NOT SAYING THAT EXCUSES HER??? NO SHIT IT DOESNT???#but GOD so help me. THATS HER REASON!#HER OERSONAL JUSTIFICATION! MOTIVE!#why do people have to be so obsessed with making her an unjustified and evil entity when sheā€™s. not that#sheā€™s justified! even if it isnā€™t by a practical standard!#but I need YOU to put yourself into her shoes for a second#how the fuck would YOU react to your people being murdered and cursed#being wholly antagonized by everyone to live#experiencing isolation from society#and then going through the whole ā€˜like teo thirds of my magnum opuses just diedā€™ thing#this isnā€™t even! to MENTION! the fact she holds a fucked up sense of affection for them?#do you truly think she felt NOTHING#I donā€™t care if you wanna talk about her sending them out to be killed. that doesnā€™t meant she canā€™t feel grief#theyā€™re DRAGONSdeidgned for destruction what the fucj did you expect#-> hate her all you want! thatā€™s okay! but donā€™t villainize her for no reason other that uoucamt think beyond surface level#crepe rambles
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rouge-the-bat Ā· 1 year ago
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i am. SO fucking tired of ppl trying to make "problematic" fiction out to being the same fucking thing as shit me and other csa survivors have gone through. how do yall not realize how fucking disrespectful it is to have our trauma watered down to be equal to some shit thats literally not even real ????? THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING, ONE HAS AN ACTIVE REAL ABUSER AND REAL VICTIM, ONE IS A FAKE STORY ABOUT FAKE PEOPLE.
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yourlocaldisneyvillain Ā· 4 months ago
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i'm overwhelmed by the amount of positive comments i got on my latest fic! my heart goes out to all the survivors of sexual abuse, and i'm glad my fic has helped many of you process your own trauma. <3
#personal#i honestly wrote it bc i was feeling quite Bad abt very Old Wounds haha as i am sometimes wont to do#bc of a person/event that reminded me of my abuser#i thought it may resonate with like one or two people but i mainly wrote it for myself#and i am so surprised that so many people have messaged me about it#also kinda sad bc that means they've Not Had A Good Time#however i'm very glad my fiction can provide some sort of relief/catharsis#it's an isolating experience to have very ambivalent feelings abt your own abuse#and to become aware of your own patterns of seeking to repeat it/seeking toxic dynamics that remind you of it#about 6 years have passed since i was last abused in such a way#and while i do get randomly sad about it and while it has affected my psyche in a very significant way#and while i still do get the occasional flashback albeit it is much more rare nowadays#and still do react to certain things quite disproportionately#i have to say it DOES get better#esp if you make a tangible effort to heal#you will get there#and while it is a part of you it is not who you are#and you are capable of living a fulfilled and satisfying life#sexually and otherwise#i used to be so upset about not being a Good Victim#but the best thing i've done is that i have given myself grace and stopped policing/moralising my own experience#(that does not mean allowing myself to engage in repeated self-abuse)#(even if i have slipped a couple of times bc i am human)#i have allowed the space for my toxic fantasies instead of trying to banish them#but i have sought to fill my life with other positive experiences#while not forgetting or erasing the negatives#and while my abuse will always be a part of me it will not prevent me from being happy#also kink has helped a lot as well as writing#but i advise ppl to tread VERY carefully with kink as esp as abuse survivors#it is a slippery slope and it can be dangerous in many ways
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bunnihearted Ā· 4 months ago
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#no but i actually hate that i made this blog to vent freely bc i have no other place to talk abt anything or my feelings or thoughts#and im a very isolated person and a shut in and i dont have a job or go to school successfully and i dont know anyone#like blah blah. i have struggled and im drowning in them all. like why the fuck cant ppl just comprehend that we all have different views o#life and the world? like 'wallowing' is .. i have heavy anxiety which is completely untreated and it gives me real bad suicidal ideation#if me complaining on a blog that im btw not forcing anyone to read helps me to stay alive and get my pain out... why does that matter to#other ppl?????? like why does other ppl get so mad seeing someone they dont know vent??#also this goes for everyone but u can literally have no idea abt all of a person's life#esp on here where all u see is like my text posts where i vent abt how i FEEL. bc i want to. ??? i want to do that so i do#u dont know the context u dont know my experiences or what has happened in my life or context#u dont know what has transpired between me and other ppl i vent abt#like u know fuck all. u dont have the right to pass judgement onto a stranger that doesnt even know u exist#and even if i complain on here bc i dont have a real life but i want to#u have no idea what im doing with the rest of my time???? im making lists im trying to look up info abt school and programs#im trying to read abt my mental health issues and im doing mindfulness and im going to the gym#i am trying!!! and u dont have any idea what i do or how i try and u dont have any right to judge me bc all u see is one part that is me#complaining bc this is what i use this blog for. genuinely i do not get why this is even a big deal or why anyone would follow or read smth#makes them irritated???????#idk.. i dont wanna disable anons and stuff (bc funnily enough no one ever says this stuff with their url šŸ¤Ø) bc i dont wanna miss out on the#stuff but it is infuriating that i have nowhere to go no friends no therapist etc etc to talk#and this is all i have bc i want to vent !!!!!!! and then i have to be like ok now other ppl i dont even know#and who dont actually give a fuck abt me are gonna judge me and tell me im living incorrectly#and ive never gotten more such things than now? why do y'all hate that i vent abt losing out on my 1st love#and feeling heartbroken?????? what the fuck? that has nothing to do with anyone else but me? like genuinely wtf#i just wanna vent bc i feel like im drowning but now i feel like i cant bc ppl just judge and like ugh
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knoproblem Ā· 2 months ago
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Maybe the fogā€™s here because I want it here.
Is that why I opened the windows?
Maybe I asked the fog to comeā€¦
-MAG170: Recollection
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tamagotchikgs Ā· 5 months ago
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cancelling my therapy appointment for this month (on the 4th) because i really just dont have it in me to hav to walk in there and tell her about how much a failure i am & have been since we last talked n sit in her judgement & scolding for an hour straight
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