#Ishiguro-san

[ross-nekochan]

Un mio collega (praticamente quello che sento come il più stretto da quando abbiamo cambiato postazione e ci siamo trovati ad essere vicini) si chiama Ishiguro (letteralmente "pietra nera" - non mi chiedete perché, è un cognome e quindi va preso per quello che è senza domande come con i cognomi italiani).

Dicevo, ho sto collega che si chiama Ishiguro e che è, secondo me, l'emblema della freddezza/distanza sociale dei giapponesi ma che sotto sotto dimostra anche gentilezza e timidezza.

Infatti lui è il tipo che una volta si è arrabbiato tantissimo con me per una cosa stupida, ma qualche minuto dopo, si è scusato ammettendo che se l'era presa troppo con me perché era arrabbiato per altri motivi.

È dall'altroieri che sono a conoscenza del fatto che sarei stata spostata di dipartimento, ma il nostro superiore ancora non aveva fatto sapere niente a nessuno. Ieri però era arrivata una richiesta che in tutto e per tutto avrei dovuto prendere in carico io, ma, sapendo del trasferimento imminente e per evitare inutili transizioni, volevo evitare di gestire e quindi l'ho lasciata lì per un po' non sapendo cosa fare. Alla fine decido di parlare di questa situazione alla mia ex tutor che mi dice:"Poiché il nostro superiore non ha ancora dato la comunicazione ufficiale, devo fare finta di non sapere niente e purtroppo non posso gestire ufficialmente quella mail. Per cui chiedi a Ishiguro o a qualcun altro di farlo e se ti chiedono qualcosa dì loro soltanto che ti è stato detto di non gestire nuovi casi, senza dare troppe spiegazioni". Essendo questa (dire le cose a metà come fossero mezze bugie) una delle poche cose al mondo che proprio NON SO FARE (perché sono il tipo che o dico tutto o non dico niente), alla fine non c'ho avuto proprio cuore o coraggio di dire una cosa del genere e quindi alla fine sta mail è rimasta così fino a fine giornata.

Poco prima di andare via però il nostro superiore dice che la mattina seguente alle 10:00 ci sarà un meeting. Poco dopo, Ishiguro (ignaro di tutto) mi dice:"Rossella domani puoi gestire quella mail? È lo stesso pattern di sempre quindi non penso ci siano problemi..." e io mentre bevo acqua dalla bottiglia un po' così dico:"Sì, domani la faccio".

Stamattina il nostro superiore dà la notizia e dice che, anche se improvvisamente, è stato deciso che io sarò spostata. Al che, poco dopo, Ishiguro manda un messaggio su Teams e fa:"Scusa Rossella, ieri ti ho chiesto di gestire quella mail ma non sapevo di questa cosa, quindi ora la gestirò io" e rispondo con:"Ovviamente non c'è problema, ero consapevole che nessuno sapesse. Grazie comunque".

E niente, il mio cuoricino, a quel messaggio ha fatto leggermente crack. 💔

[thousand-winters]

You know what I find really, really funny?

You know how Reigen drops his "oh, I don't think anybody would like me if they saw the real me" on Serizawa (that definitely was not on his job's description)? Obviously there's a whole thing there with how he sees himself but how in the end he stops lying to Mob and confesses the truth to him.

And then... he kinda just stops there.

In the spin-off he doesn't tell the truth to Tome until he thinks he has no other choice because she's putting herself in danger by working under the wrong assumption that he's a psychic, and while doing so, he asks her not to tell Serizawa. He was honest with Mob, but that was with him and only him. His default mode is still lying and hiding.

And the thing is obviously these people he has surrounded himself with, purposefully or accidentally, don't like him because they think he's an esper —at this point I don't think he's fooling even half of them, frankly—, or even because of his whole... energetic, over the top persona. They like him because of the kind of person he is, whether he's keeping his whole salesman attitude or whether he's a bit quieter and less self-assured.

Now, it's kinda easy to see why he would think he has to keep that up, initially he presented himself to Mob as this wise mentor figure, half of the other people he knows are kids for which he feels the responsibility to be a reliable adult figure, and then there are cases like Serizawa and the ex-Scars who do hold him in high regard and see him with a certain degree of admiration, all of that sort of tied with his fake psychic status.

And so it's very amusing to me that the one person who could show him VERY clearly that people care about him regardless of all of that is... Ritsu.

Because here's the thing, he was jealous of Reigen to some degree since he was someone Mob could confide in, unlike Ritsu due to the distance that had formed between them after the incident. And I think part of his irritation with Reigen was definitely that he was so evidently (to him anyway) a fraud, so that put Ritsu pre-awakening of his powers and Reigen at the same level and yet... Mob always went to Reigen for advice and guidance. It's very understandable for him to have been annoyed considering that.

Through the story it's more than evident that Ritsu is very, very aware that Reigen is a fraud, and though he's open with his distaste, at some point it feels a bit more like a normal kind of distaste. Reigen might have his morals and principles as a fraud, but he's one nonetheless, plus his personality doesn't mesh particularly well with Ritsu, and quite honestly? If I were 13yo and had to interact with someone like Reigen, I think I would be feeling a good amount of second hand embarrassment that ends up in annoyance.

But Ritsu doesn't really hate Reigen. He's comically annoyed by him, sure, but it's more than obvious he doesn't hate him.

When push comes to shove, he never wishes any actual ill will toward Reigen, he helps pull him away from Ishiguro in 7th Division Arc, for example, and when he goes to face Toichiro to help Mob, Ritsu is the one showing visible concern for what's going on when they see the explosion and the fire from down below, with his little "Reigen-san..." (as a sidenote, I love how the English dub does this with the "please, be okay").

My favorite example of this by far is Separation Arc, because Ritsu has genuine reasons to be pissed at Reigen this time around, if he sort of gathered that he mistreated Mob, and yet what he does is... he watches the press conference. It isn't even because of Mob, he's not sitting down with him or even watching with his parents or anything, it's just him, he had to have made the active choice to watch. And he could be vindictive and it would be such a reasonable posture to take because, again, Reigen was a goddamn jerk to his brother and the situation snowballed from there, but he isn't, he's visibly concerned for him.

That is NOT a boy who doesn't care, much less one who hates Reigen.

And it's so funny to me that the one person who could show Reigen all of those fears he has about that side of him he hates being a deal breaker for the people around him is also the one who makes faces at the idea of going to stay over at his apartment.

[82mitsu]

{18Trip} Tidbit collection of producer, main director & scenario director interview with animate Times (story oriented)

Another rather long tidbit collection of my personal highlights from the 18TRIP interview from animate Times, featuring A3! producer Okita-san, main director Ishiguro-san and scenario director Fujii-san. 

This interview covers a lot of ground, but I selected the more story oriented parts to cover, due it being my own priority with 18TRIP.

These are paraphrased and not a direct translation, but I hope it will be interesting information either way!

Okita-san is in charge of supervision and general direction, he also has a hand in the scenario. Ishiguro-san is in charge of planning the game’s features, game design and system. Fujii-san is in charge of contents relating to the characters, and divides work with Okita-san relating to character plans and scenario plot. Fujii-san’s previous work was DREAM!ing where he took on a similar role, and Okita-san is the producer of A3 currently.

Context: DREAM!ing was a joseimuke mobile game by COLOPL. Inc. It went out of service in 2021. A3 is a joseimuke mobile game by LIBER, the same company as 18TRIP. 

The reason as to why Pony Canyon was chosen to develop the contents with (mainly events and music) is because it was a first thought that they’d be the most fitting. They also have a long working relationship and Okita-san knew the staff would have love for the contents. Pony Canyon itself also has a department focused around “area entertainment”, where it revolves bringing back life into local communities by working with contents and entertainment. Okita-san believes this also made Pony Canyon a good fit for 18TRIP as a kind of “regional revitalization project”. 

Context: Pony Canyon is a Japanese publisher and major lead in the music industry in Japan. It’s involved in a lot of anime and mixed media projects. 

The artist Oyo-sensei was both Okita-san and Fujii-san’s first pick for the art. Fujii-san was also passionately pushing the idea. As mentioned in the previous interview, Oyo-sensei was chosen due to their art style having a unisex appeal and talent for drawing backgrounds. Okita-san always imagined Oyo-sensei’s work for 18TRIP, so both of them are elated over how their first choice came true.

Yokohama was chosen as the main setting because it’s a place Okita-san is personally attached to. He has childhood memories from visiting Yokohama with his mother and going on short trips with his friends there. He thinks the accessibility is also nice, in addition to the atmosphere of being a port town and how the presence of Chinatown brings a different kind of color in your life. Yokohama is a place you can truly explore to your heart’s content, and he wanted to make it the main stage no matter what. The Nishi and Naka wards take the lead when it comes to sightseeing picks for Yokohama, but he wanted to make sure all 18 wards were included due each of them having their own charm. 

Okita-san’s personal pick for sightseeing in Yokohama is Zou-no-hana park, you can view many famous landmarks from there. The name means “Elephant’s nose”, which is fitting to how it’s pleasant to walk on the land stretching far out as if it’s an elephant’s nose.

18TRIP has 200 fully voiced stories, accessible at any point in time. Stories are divided as follows for all units: prologue, four chapters where it explores how each group is formed respectively, and epilogue. Further it’s divided by side A and side B, like a cassette tape. Side A has the members going on a study tour, where they face troubles and overcome them in the spirit of learning hospitality. It’s a feeling akin to a road movie, while side B is more about town revitalization. The cassette tape motif is also stretched further with how side A has the opening song, and side B the ending song. Including music videos. 

Context: A road movie is a film genre where characters leave home on a road trip, typically altering perspective from their everyday lives, as Wikipedia describes it. My first example would be Paul (2011), but I don’t ever watch movies so don’t take that as a recommendation.

The reason why something as cassette tapes is used, something from a bygone era, is to create a familiarity despite it being set in the modern future. Okita-san said it would feel rather alienating to have modern tech that was unfamiliar. Thus he relied on aspects we associate with the future today such as drones & holograms. In the setting of 18TRIP there’s a “Heisei Boom” for the nth time, thus retro stuff like pages and cassettes are trendy amongst the characters. Okita-san imagined that in a future where everything is convenient, people of the future might yearn for the novelty of inconvenient, analog devices.

Context: A western equivalent of a Heisei Boom would be the trend of y2k.

The following segment will cover Okita-san’s short summaries of each main group's story for their chapters.

Sun will R1ze!: This focuses on the Morning Squad. This group already starts out as mayor wards, a difference with the others. Each of them worked individually until the mysterious Murakumo Ten joined in and a unit was established. Each member has a profound emotional attachment to HAMA. However, as the main plot of the game goes, tourism in HAMA has been deteriorating. Their unit might be referring to morning but their story starts far away from dawn, eagerly waiting for morning to come. Renga has a complicated situation he can tell no one else about, and his growth will play a key point in this chapter. In terms of dynamics, Renga and Liguang, and then Kafka and Yukikaze both get on each other cases due to their own circumstances. With Ten’s easygoing aloof attitude being the cherry on top in terms of amusement. Okita-san hopes that you will be emotionally moved to laughter and tears from the relationships between these guys, which is described as everlasting sparks of fire.

Bitter Sweet Sixteen: This focuses on the Noon Squad, who are all highschool students. One night, there’s an incident where the old school building explodes, and the five people who happened to be there form a unit. A key point is why they were there during that explosion, and how it all falls into place once you come to know each of their circumstances. The focus lies on the identity of a 16 year old, the struggles of how you yet have to become “someone”, and the anguish held within your heart. Okita-san says that most players most likely experienced being 16, and hopes that you can experience the story as if you were back in the shoes of your 16 year old self. From the four stories, this one has a more “pop” & gag feeling to it. 

Chained Up Scarlet: This focuses on the Evening Squad, where all members are prisoners on a prison island surrounded by the ocean. The atmosphere is different here compared to the other stories, and the developments might be “hard” to read in terms of how the story is intertwined with other prison factions, Okita-san hopes it will be an enjoyable read nonetheless. By some strange turn of events, the prisoners are chosen to become idols for HAMA, with a natural backlash from the public. Besides being prisoners, the members all have one point in common: which is being scarred by the “scarlet sunset”. Okita-san wants you to pay attention to how these prisoners paint over their scars with their idol activities.

Designs of Happiness: This focuses on the Night Squad, and starts out with Ryui disappearing, and Toi asking you to go look for him. The leader’s disposition, Nagi, is far removed from being the one in charge. He’s more inclined to accept defeat when facing absurd situations. The story will focus on his growth as the leader. The story is also extravagant, in the way the timeline is messed up and has a challenging composition. Outside of the twins, the other members do not have a semblance of synergy with each other, but do share the common ground of “wondering what happiness is.” Okita-san hopes that each individual answer to that question will be something unforgettable to every reader.

Now a continuation of other bits of the interview.

As we know by now, the units are divided by the time of the day. Morning Squad functions as bringing dawn to HAMA who sunk to rock bottom, Noon Squad symbolizes youth in how bright the daytime can be, Evening Squad brings life to an ephemeral lonely dusk by putting on an idol live, and Night Squad serves as a beacon of light for anxious nights on the road.

All characters live in the “HAMA House”, a company dormitory that was formerly a Japanese inn (ryokan). There’s 24 people there total: all members, conductors, the player and the dog Shuumai. Each room is filled with personality and named after one of the Chinese zodiacs. The two persons' rooms are equally divided, but chaos arises with the three persons' rooms. An example of dorm dynamics: in Night Squad, the twins share a room with Netaro which leads to an unexpecting dynamic. The twins share a strong brotherly love with each other, and seeing Netaro get mixed up in the bubble these two create between each other is an interesting aspect. 

All of Night Squad’s have their own pet robots, due to each member running their own business. They serve as little helpers, and are even treated as friends or family. Robot pets are a common commodity for people who run a business, since they can be left in charge to run the store. Some people also like to have a pet robot. 

The rest of the interview is spent on the hospitality tower defense gameplay and various other system aspects. I personally covered all aspects that interested me enough to write it out like this, so I’m wrapping it up here.

If there’s demand, I’ll make another tidbit collection about the gameplay and system.

[frankensteinmutual]

Hello! You seem like someone who reads a lot to me so I was wondering if you have any recommendation on books like 'Princess Mononoke' thank you so much! Your pinned post is amazing I hope someday be smart as you, you must read a lot and that's impressive

honestly don't know if this is supposed to be some kind of bait but I'm just going to respond to it as if it wasn't

unfortunately I don't really read all that much anymore, at least not outside of uni, and I can't really think of anything that truly feels like princess mononoke, but here are some books that came to mind as close enough:

descriptions under the cut!

the word for world is forest by ursula k. le guin

probably comes closest with its very strong environmental message, as well as themes of war and colonisation. it does have some magical and spiritual elements here and there, but still very much falls on the side of sci-fi rather than fantasy, and lacks the whimsical nature even the darkest of ghibli films at times possess. nevertheless my top recommendation!

lanny by max porter

if you're more interested in explorations of the mysterious character of nature, then you'll find that here. lanny also explores the relationship between humans and nature in a very interesting and unique way, and the way it's written makes it an almost dreamlike experience. it's a narrative of much smaller scale, but reading it is kind of what I imagine it must feel like to be part of a forest.

silver in the wood by emily tesh

speaking of being part of an enchanted forest, this little fairytale was basically made to be adapted into a ghibli movie. mythical forest creatures, fae law, gay love and a bit of a gothic twist – maybe mononoke isn't necessarily the best of miyazaki's works to compare it to, but it's not hard to imagine something like this story unfolding somewhere in those ancient woods.

ghost wall by sarah moss

this one might be a bit of a stretch, but I think it's worth a shot. a feminist narrative set in the woods and also very deeply thematically rooted in nature, with a subdued dark tone and occult atmosphere. the female protagonist's relationship to her wild and tamed environments is central, and throughout the novel there is a kind of quiet violence unsettlingly simmering just beneath the surface. I think san herself would love this book.

(honourable mention:

the buried giant by kazuo ishiguro

this is an honourable mention because I haven't actually finished reading it yet, but so far I think it might deserve a place on this list!)

[centrally-unplanned]

Gonna try to do some seasonal anime takes, lets start with:

Heavenly Delusions

Episode one of HD has a shot that I really liked in episode 1, where main girl Kiruko is getting undressed for the first time (giving off a great impression out the gate aren't I?), and scars that riddle her body are revealed:

So, for one, the cracked mirror is just cool ya know, she is scarred, her world is scarred, good shit. Its also clever though - like sure, her shirt is covering her nipples, but sans that crack this would be a very risque shot. But we don't want it to be, this isn't meant to be a risque scene - she needs to be unclothed to show us her damage. So the crack is arranged to cover the breasts and make the scene work to organically highlight what its supposed to. It does double duty, and that is a sign of good directing.

Now, what isn't a sign of good directing is the entirety of the somber tone is undone by the following scene being a classic someone-walks-in-oh-no-I'm-naked moment and you get some minor but full-on fanservice...but its anime, its gotta hit its quota, whatever. And I will credit the show that jumping between comedic and extremely serious is what it does on the daily, it is being consistent here.

Yet it turns out I was a little bit wrong on the double-duty thing; this is more like triple duty. Because we learn in episode 2 that our girl Kiruko kindof isn't a girl - she is dysphoric:

There was even additional events during that original bathroom scene that suggested this too, so the foreshadowing intent is clear. Now I really like that original shot - the cracked mirror now cleaves his actual body, a split to mirror his own fractured identity. The fact that it downplays the sex organs is probably just a coincidence due to the others factor mentioned, but it still works thematically even better now!

But before you scramble to tune in to watch this egg hatch, its not what is going on here. This is an apocalyptic sci fi story, and Kiruko is actually Haruki, the brother of Kiruko, who died in a monster attack and had his fading brain swapped into Kiruko's body for mysterious reasons. Haruki/Kiruko is now questing to figure out the mystery of how that happened and why his sister died while he was saved. Its a dysphoria born of aberrant circumstances over identity.

Now that isn't the slam dunk it might come off as - using ~plot dynamics to create a new context for metaphorically exploring a real-life issue is a classic technique. It allows distance from the petty minutias of reality to apply focus on the author's own interests, allows the author to push boundaries intellectually with their creative freedom, and generally allows people who don't experience the issue in real life to relate via making the experience more universal. A show could absolutely do some interesting stuff with how someone copes with a body swapped and sex-swapped reality.

Here however is where genre rears its head; its just not going to do that. With its action-comedy premises and modern shounen-adjacent sensibilities (even if it is Seinen), its not interested in that kind of story. The premise reveals that - the 'origin story' for Haruki's swap is all about violence, betrayal, mystery, revenge. These concepts externalize the problem, placing the cause of them in other people and therefore the *resolution* of the problem in the hands of external interactions. I'm not saying there will be no complications, and hey, its episode 3, maybe I will be wrong! But when you have scenes like her male travel partner having his confession shot down this matter-of-factly:

To me all signs point to this being a plot device for drama or even comedic shenanigans than a vehicle for metaphorical identity & gender explorations.

Not helping is I looked into interviews with the author Masakazu Ishiguro, and while I find a little bit on gender exploration I what mainly found was a whole segment on his brother-sister complex, which really makes you think that might be the greater focus for the show.

This may came off as harsh, and its a critique for sure, but overall I am enjoying Heavenly Delusion's great art & character designs, fun setting, and mystery plot. I am just saying that the mirror shot I was so fond of is likely not going to deliver thematically on the meaning its directing imbued it with, which is disappointing to me.

But maybe we will at least get some fun genderbending flirting with the main duo along the way!

(We won't, sigh, this isn't even a good translation, HaruKiri is using the word bishounen, which you wouldn't translate as good-looking, its more specific - 'getting that pretty-boy look young girls favor', something like that. The tone is way more specific, and therefore less flattering. Anyway...)

[denimbex1986]

'There are certain kinds of films that really impact me emotionally. One genre is what I will call “Saddest Film I Ever Saw”, and weirdly the Brits seem to have almost cornered the market on this one.

If asked, I usually say the very saddest film I have ever seen is “Never Let Me Go”, the heart-rending British Sci Fi classic based on Nobel-prize winner Kazuo Ishiguro’s novel. Oh, and if that didn’t make you cry, with its trio of Oscar winners and nominees — Andrew Garfield, Carey Mulligan and Keira Knightly — trying to love and live before they are forced to sever their limbs (yep), then the Merchant-Ivory production of Ishiguro’s “The Remains of the Day” has to.

Or your tear ducts have straight up dried up.

And, also from the UK, Saorise Ronan in the insanely sad Dystopian Sci Fi film, “How We Live Now”. Oh.my.garsh. There’s a new one: a distinctly British tale of late love, “All of Us Strangers”.

Gay Love and Heartbreak: Who Knew?

I have read a lot of reviews of this film, and, well, it had a nearly perfect IMDB Critics and Users score. I recently had a debate with some other people who are quite knowledgeable about film, about whether IMDB scores even matter. They eschew IMDB and use Letterbox’d — all the cool kids do, apparently (LOL).

Trust me, IMDB scores matter. Nearly every film I have ever seen that has had an IMDB score higher than 6.5 has been Good, and ones with a 6.8–7.1 score (they hardly ever (ever) go higher than that) are usually amazing.

What critics have keyed on is not that this is a beautiful tale of Gay love, of growing up Gay during the AIDS era and having parents who, in the words of The Fresh Prince, “just don’t understand” (or do they?), and then get killed in a car crash. Although all of that is present. Critics have keyed on the fact that “All of Us Strangers” is a timeless story of love and loss. Period. It could be any pair of people: old, young, gay, straight. It doesn’t matter, because Haigh’s and co-writer Taichi Yamada’s script and direction deliver the goods.

The Progress We Have Made

This film probably could not have been made, or been as successful even ten years ago. But today, when despite the forces of Evil arrayed against LGBTQ+ people all over the world, and especially in the US, Haigh presents us with an achingly beautiful love story between two people, who happen to be Gay Men. And it shows us, sans any prurience, gorgeous scenes of Gay Lovemaking that are the farthest thing from pornographic or even lurid.

And he does this by asking more narrative questions than he ever answers. Which I, personally, love.

Andrew Scott plays Adam, a screen-writer (how Meta) living in a nearly empty apartment building somewhere in London, at some point in time (the recent past? the near future?), who by a simple twist of fate ends up in the arms of Harry, played by Paul Mescal. I have loved Scott ever since his turn as a sexually active Anglican Priest in Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s amazing TV series “Fleabag”, and also love Mescal for, among other things, the critically lauded “Aftersun”.

A Queer Ghost Story?

What makes the narrative so fascinating is that, in parallel with this surprising tale of new love, Adam decides to return to his home town and finds his Mother and Father still living in the house in which he grew up, and still the same age they were thirty years ago right before they died in a car crash.

Why and how this impossible thing is happening provides much of the narrative force for “All of Us Strangers”, and Haigh inter-weaves the yearning love of Adam and Harry with Adam’s need to talk to his parents. You see, he needs to know if they knew he was Gay when he was in school (they did) and whether his Mum approves of the fact he likes Men, not Women (She does).

If you are fully willing to “suspend disbelief” (as Poet Coleridge famously said) then you are all in, and the only important thing is to see how Adam’s dialogues with his Mum (played by the excellent Claire Foy) and his Da (played by the under-rated Jamie Bell) will give them, and him some Peace.

It Gets Weird, then it Gets…

And why do they need that? Because, and this not a spoiler, they are all probably Dead. Jamie Ramsay’s gorgeous, yet unintrusive, Cinematography establishes a dream-like visual language in which we simply follow along both the Love Story and the Ghost Story, and really don’t want it to end.

But, alas, the story needs to go somewhere, and in the third reel Adam comes back to the Apartment Building to find Harry dead in Harry’s apartment. Again, not a spoiler, as it is never clear if any of the few characters in the film are actually alive in the first place.

As they lie together on his Bed, the shot of the two of them starts to shrink against a white background, eventually collapsing like a Neutron Star. Queue tears — bawling, really.

Question posed? Yes. Answered? Brilliantly, no.'

[theinternetisaweboflies]

Gates to Heck Chapter Five

Teru had been trudging along the raised bunds of the rice paddy for what felt like at least a half a kilometer, but the fields that stretched out ahead of him seemed infinite. The only light came from the stars overhead, which were shining brightly without the city’s light pollution. He must have teleported all the way to Furikake Village, the agricultural municipality north of Seasoning City, near the border of Flavor Prefecture. 

“Good evening, Kaijin,” the voice came from directly behind him, “or should I say Hanazawa-kun?”

Teru whipped around to see a man standing a couple of bunds down, his feet dry, and his smile ominous.

“Your aura was too depleted to track until now. I only felt it for a moment, but I would know it anywhere. Do you really not recognize me?”

Teru laughed because he really hadn't until then. Final Dog had been the last target in his anti-terrorist speedrun, and by the night he confronted them, he was running on nothing but fumes and canned coffee. There had been too many auras swirling together into a rat king of raw energy for Teru to recognize one he hadn’t encountered since he was ten years old. 

"Well, to be entirely fair, my head was in a bucket for most of our introduction,” said Teru.

Teru hadn't learned how to waterboard someone from Saturday morning anime. He had learned it the hard way, in his own cramped apartment bathroom, while a man who called himself Shiro-san asked Teru if he knew any other espers. 

Shiro-san didn't believe him when he said no.

Shiro-san hadn’t been part of the Fab Five or even the Seventh Division’s upper echelon. He was just some unscarred member of middle-management that Teru had never seen again. 

“You bailed before the Seventh Division went down, huh?” asked Teru. “Did you get fired, or did you just feel like they couldn’t help you reach your full potential as a sadistic asshole?”

“I could see the writing on the wall,” said Shiro-san. 

“Pretty sure that was blood,” said Teru, inspecting his chipped nail polish. 

“The Seventh Division’s leadership was too weak,” said Shiro-san. “Ishiguro couldn't even put a brat like you in timeout.”

Teru didn’t think he could talk his way out of this one. He wasn’t Reigen. He just needed to keep Shiro-san talking long enough to come up with a plan. There was no way he had enough energy for another teleport. He was pretty sure if he tried to put up a barrier right now it would be about as strong as a Pringle. 

Teru had been in better shape when he was ten years old, and he’d still lost that fight. 

Shiro-san had used Teru’s own T-shirt and bath bucket to waterboard him. He hung Teru by his ankles with telekinesis, pulled the collar of his Sailor Moon T-shirt down (or up, from Teru’s point of view) until it covered his nose, and doused his face with water. 

It went up his nose. Teru let out a reflexive gasp and let in even more water. It felt like he’d inhaled hydrochloric acid instead. Everything between his nasal cavity and his lungs was searing with a pain unlike he had ever experienced. 

The third time Shiro-san pulled back the T-shirt for an interrogation break, Teru had bitten down as hard as he could. Shiro-san had been using his hands, because his powers were occupied with the restraints, and he wasn’t a skilled enough esper to multitask. Teru tasted blood before he had to unclench and hack it up, along with what felt like a liter of water. 

Shiro-san released him. Teru lashed out with an uncoordinated blast of energy and bugged the fuck out of there, booking it to his closest bolthole. He didn’t go back to his apartment for over a month.

“I seem to recall giving you some trouble too,” said Teru.  

Shiro-san flipped him off, and Teru saw the stump of an index finger that he had bitten in half four years ago. 

He hadn’t been able to eat raw carrots for years after that. Thank god for broccoli or Teru would probably have scurvy by now. 

Teru laughed airily. “Final Dog’s leadership doesn’t seem to be much of an improvement.”

Shiro-san did not laugh. He clicked his tongue in a way that suggested he had been involved in Final Dog’s leadership. “Well, you know what they say: Third time’s the charm.”

“So that’s when I’ll stop you for good?” 

Now he laughed. “What makes you think you’ll live that long?”

So much for keeping him talking. 

“I would have killed you already,” said Shiro-san, “but I think you deserve to suffer a little bit first.”

“Is this like a kink of yours?”

“I don’t want to waste time with your government watchdog sniffing around for me,” said Shiro-san. “So the question is: How to hurt you as much as possible in the least amount of time?” 

Teru could already feel his heart rate ramp up at the simple implication that there might be something worse than waterboarding. He tried to mitigate the panic by taking deep breaths. While he still could. 

“I think it would only be fair if you lost at least a finger,” said Shiro-san. “but I know from experience that adrenaline numbs the pain, and you won’t be alive long enough for it to wear off.”

“Are you still hung up on that?” asked Teru. “Sorry. I thought you were jealous of the Scars.”

Shiro-san snapped his fingers, or what was left of them. “I’ve got it! I’ll tell you a story.”

“Why don’t we ta- Huh?”

Teru couldn’t believe it. Shiro-san was actually going to do a villain monologue. Probably about his tragic backstory.

“I’m going to tell you a story about a little boy and a big organization.” 

Shiro san gestured when he talked, but it was always with his right hand, like he was trying to draw attention to the missing finger. It was a cheap intimidation tactic that probably worked better on someone who hadn’t bitten it off. 

“The organization was looking for psychics. This was before they had to keep a low profile, so they could recruit publicly. They put up flyers and went door to door, inviting people to join their noble cause. They didn’t find many psychics that way, but even normies could prove useful with a little… help. One day, they knocked on the door of a very nice couple with a very naughty son.”

The panic had gone, or at least it had gone somewhere far away. Everything seemed very far away, even Shiro-san, who was still talking. 

“The couple didn’t care much about the organization’s agenda, but they were interested in its psychic training program. The couple ended up changing their minds, but by then the little boy had caught the organization’s attention.”

Sometimes Teru wondered how Claw found out about him, but he had always assumed it was his fault. After all, Shigeo slipped under their radar by barely using his powers. It was Teru’s dependence on his powers for everything from skipping rope to making friends that had attracted the attention of the terrorists who targeted him for most of his formative years. That was what he got for showing off.  

It made sense. 

So did Shiro-san’s story.

Shiro-san clapped his hands. “Okay! Looks like that did the trick. Goodbye, Hanazawa-kun.”

Teru’s feet were pulled out from under him. He tried to catch himself, but his arms were pinned tightly to his side by psychic restraints that he was still too weak to break. 

He couldn’t go through this again. It was still the most painful thing he had ever experienced, his second-most recurring nightmare after choking out Shigeo. Teru still couldn’t shower for more than fifteen minutes without having to do some serious breathing exercises afterwards, which would have torpedoed his haircare routine if it weren’t for leave-in conditioner.

Teru had attempted to replicate Shiro-san’s torture technique when he helped Shigeo storm Claw’s Seventh Division to save Outoto-kun.

An eye for an eye. That was what Teru told himself, but he hadn’t been able to go through with it. He ended up dunking Terada’s head in a bucket a couple of times, never for more than a few seconds, and never with a cloth over his face. Terada had been able to hold his breath. It was still torture, but it wasn’t waterboarding.

It was, however, a much faster way to kill someone if that was the desired result. 

It was also easier to keep your hands clear if they happened to be a biter.

Shiro-san lowered Teru face first into the dirty water of the rice paddy. Teru tried to turn his head, but no matter how much he craned his neck, the water still covered his mouth. This time there were no questions. There was no reprieve. The water was less than ten centimeters deep, and Teru was going to drown in  it.

[1o1percentmilk]

[ID: A drawing of a grinning cartoon raccoon with a rainbow striped tail (@alphysmspectrum's fursona). He is wearing a dark violet hoodie with a heart on it and jeans. The background is of various smiling anime and video game characters drawn in blue, including Izutsumi, Alphys, Sans, Ishiguro, and Finfin. End ID.]

the happy grinner!! artfight attack for my friend alphysmspectrum

[piratefalls]

Sleepover weekend! Your rec lists are top tier sooooooo rec us something (anything) that ISN'T fic. Fandom-related or not! Books? Stores? That One Kitchen Gadget You Can't Live Without?

xoxo MJ/kiwiana-writes

i love talking about books and other media!!! (bonus kitchen gadget rec at the end for making it that far.)

Books:

Anger is A Gift by Mark Oshiro

Beach Read by Emily Henry

This Is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper

For those who enjoy political satire, anything by Christopher Buckley

I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual by Luvvie Ajayi Jones

Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay

Never Let Me Go by Kazoo Ishiguro

Linden Hills by Gloria Naylor

Movies (including my list of ones I rewatch):

Moonlight

Clue

The Meg

Knives Out

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

The Man from Uncle

San Andreas

Fast Five

Ocean's Thirteen

Mel Brooks movies, specifically Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, History of the World

The Wave (Norwegian disaster movie, one of the best tbh)

Downfall or Flight/Risk (because Boeing sucks and everyone should know it)

The Velocipastor. Go in completely blind. I promise when you think you have it figured out, you don't.

(as for that kitchen gadget, spend the money on a good meat thermometer and thank me later.)

sleepover weekend asks!

[espectres]

have this lil snippet from s1 last episode, for anyone unfamiliar with mp100 cuz his va sacchi did such a great job, for context shou is on call reporting an inspection of one division of his father's organization after main ch & co destroyed it, and this specific scene is lovely cuz

- very rare instance where he laughs

- the way he's talking v casually while walking in the wrecks of a building

- "ishiguro-san wasn't a big deal either" leaving out details so easily without lying, he took that guy out

- sounding vaguely threatening towards his criminal boss of a dad

- "BAKA OYAJI"

[wokeleftistmob]

aro reigen agenda

Go vote for Reigen in the tie breaker for aro character showdown!

(yes, this is almost every single aro reigen pic vi have on vy phone)

@arocharactershowdown

[ID: A manga panel from Mob Psycho 100. Mob asks Reigen, “But when it’s time to confess, I don’t know what I should say… or what I should do. Like, the etiquette for confessing… What does everyone else do in that situation?”. Serizawa watches Reigen as he struggles to respond. “Well, that’s… It’s like…”

Reigen then looks at his flipphone and tells Mob, “Cleanliness, look around the store, no alcohol, listen well, build the mood, smiles are important, make her heart pound, a heavy atmosphere is no good, premise of marriage, invite her to a meal, sincerity”.

Serizawa notices the flipphone and thinks, “Ah… He’s cheating! Reigen-san doesn’t know either?!!” End ID]

[ID: A manga panel featuring Reigen and Serizawa. Reigen says, “Tsubomi-chan and Mob... They can exist without distorting each other... I hope I can become a partner like that...” Serizawa notices this and is surprised. End ID]

[ID: A manga panel. Reigen tells Dimple, “Lust? But what of love, Dimple? Not that I want to have this conversation with you.” Dimple replies, “That ought to be my line, you son of a bitch.” End ID]

[ID: Seven icons of Reigen over various aromantic flags. He smiles as he confidently says something and bends his wrist. Flag 1 is a regular aromantic flag. Flag 2 is the aroace flag. Flag 3 is an aromantic flag with pale white sparkles over top. Flag 4 is another sparkly aromantic flag. Flag 5 is a sparkly alloaro flag. Flag 6 is an aromantic flag colorpicked from him. Flag 7 is a color adjusted aromantic flag. End ID]

[ID: Six icons of Reigen over the aromantic flag, except the last one is slightly different. Icon 1 is a manga panel of Reigen with a neutral expression. Icon 2 is Reigen looking forward with a bored expression. Icon 3 is Reigen drinking from a mug. He is shirtless and has a towel around his neck. Icon 4 is Reigen holding a cake and trying not to cry while his eyes turn red. Icon 5 is Reigen talking on his flip phone and looking to the side. Icon 6 is an edited screenshot. Reigen has a determined expression. Behind him is a blue sky with a cartoon sun and a rainbow with the stripes of the aromantic flag. End ID]

The last icon is by @maddiataz​.

[ID: Five icons of Reigen over a sparkly aromantic flag. Icon 1: Reigen closes his eyes and rests his elbow on a ledge. He is cast in shadow with a rim of light on his right side. He isn't wearing his jacket. Icon 2: Reigen’s photo from his website. He sits and smiles at the camera, looking off-model. Icon 3: Reigen aims a gun at the viewer with an angry expression. Icon 4: Reigen confidently destroys Ishiguro’s gravity spheres. Icon 5: Reigen rests his chin on his hand, sweats nervously, and smiles. End ID]

[ID: Five various aromantic flags colorpicked from Reigen. All of the flags, except for the last, have been colorpicked from the same image. Reigen wears a blue suit and tie and holds a cardboard box. Flag 1 is aromantic. Flag 2 is aroace. Flag 3 is alloaro. Flag 4 is non-SAM aro. The fifth flag, which is also aromantic, is colorpicked from an image of Reigen holding a birthday cake. End ID]

[ID: Reigen over three different aromantic flags. In the first image, Reigen crouches in a corner, puts his hand on his chin with a questioning look, and looks down at the viewer. Text on the image reads: “Let’s get Ramen”. Text at the bottom of the image reads “To:” and “From:”.  Image 2 is Reigen smirking at the viewer. He is over a semi-transparent aromantic flag. Image 3 is Reigen with a shocked expression over an aromantic flag. End ID]

Images 1 and 3 are from @purplecladmerchant​ and @yourfaveshouldvebeenaro​ respectively.

[ID: An interview answer by Reigen from the official Mob Psycho 100 fanbook. Text over an aromantic flag reads: "In love? Me? Why are you looking at me while smiling? Do you think I'm lying to you? Oh, my. Well, I can't just talk about it casually as it would infringe on the privacy of the other party, you know. I've had a few passionate love affairs in my time. Remember that time when I held a woman on the bow of a certain huge ship? Huh? There's a similar scene in a movie? Did I remember it wrong...? Okay, let's move on.. Getting married is one of the many possible lifestyle options available to you. Follow your own heart." End ID]

[warningsine]

Leaving Ishiguro's "Never Let Me Go" aside, "Severance" has strong "Black Mirror" vibes.

More specifically,

"White Christmas": Training "innies" vs. "cookies" [digital clones of people stored in objects].

"Black Museum": The monkey "cookie" that requests a hug vs. Helly and the others trying to contact their outies.

"USS Callister": An alternate version of yourself is trapped in a hellscape. A toxic gamer's hellscape vs. a corporate hellscape.

"Men Against Fire": People consenting to having implants and their memories wiped.

"15 Million Merits": People trapped in a room. The "merits" in "Severance" are the little prizes and gifts the characters get for completing their work.

"Playtest": Consenting/allowing a company to access your brain and conduct their experiment.

"The Entire History of You": The surgical implants.

"Striking Vipers": Workplace affairs where neither co-worker knows the other's outie identity vs. two friends that have an affair inside a virtual reality game. Also, the themes of sexuality and orientation.

"Rachel, Jack, and Ashley": The concept of "cookies" again.

"Be Right Back": The themes of grief and Mark/Gemma's arc.

"Hang the DJ": Severed alter egos vs. simulated realities of people's selves.

"San Junipero": Severed alter egos vs. simulated realities.

Of course, "Severance" is more fleshed out than most of the above episodes, but the similarities are still there.

[poetlcs]

My 24 books to read in 24

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie - it's the book that has been on my TBR on goodreads the longest and it's time to finally read it

Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton - It's becoming my mash potato book (I term I heard recently where, you are sure you're gonna love it so you keep putting it off). This is the year to do it!

How Paris Became Paris by John DeJean - I plan to visit Paris for the first time this year, and I love to read books about the countries I visit before I go. This one I have had on my TBR for a long time, so now feels like the perfect time to read it

Sword Catcher by Cassandra Clare - She let me down recently and I'm borderline about to retire her as an author I read but,.. I feel I need to try this new, non shadowhunters book first to be fair to her.

Act Your Age, Eve Brown by Talia Hibbert - I loved the previous two books in the series and Eve Brown is my favourite of the sisters. This year, I'll definitely finally read this

Eva Luna by Isabel Allende - This year I want to read my physical TBR down, but I love translated fiction and this is one of the few I own I still haven't read. So I want to.

Idol, Burning by Rin Usami - I nearly bought this book last year and didn't because I wanted to read what I owned already. But its stuck in my mind so this year I would love to buy and read it.

We'll Meet Again in San Francisco by Duong Thuy - I bought this on my recent trip to Vietnam, so I just want to read it asap. It'll also be the first *translated* Vietnamese book I've read.

The Reappearance of Rachel Price by Holly Jackson - Since I read A Good Girl's Guide to Murder in '23, I have gone ahead and read all of Holly Jackson's books. She has become a new favourite, so I'm highly anticipating this.

The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolano - I often cite his book Amulet as a favourite of all time, so this year I really want to read his magnum opus

Zami: A New Spelling of my Name by Audre Lorde - Similarly, Audre Lorde is a favourite author of mine and this has sat unread on my shelves for far too long.

The wren, the wren by Anne Enright - a lot of people keep telling me I will love this book, so I wanna test that out

One Day We're All Going to Die by Elise Esther Hearst - Another book I am just sure I am going to love. I am always excited to read Australian lit

If Beale Street Could Talk by James Baldwin - I have a thing with Baldwin where, if I see a book of his, I buy it and make it the next of his I read. So far I've read three of his books, I picked this up last year and need to read it soon. I loved the movie

When We Were Orphans by Kazuo Ishiguro - I really like Ishiguro and yet this has sat on my shelves unread for a long time. I think it's because I find his books quite immersive and heavy I'm always waiting for the right time. I feel it's become the right time to read it.

Howards End by E.M Forster - I've read two of Forster's works and I've always told myself I would dig deeper. I figure with his most well known work is a good place.

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingslover - Somehow this book slipped under my radar and I only vaguely knew about it until it won the Pulitzer and Womens fiction prizes. I love Dickens so it feels natural I read this.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson - A classic I have had my eye on for some time that I finally managed to thrift. A high priority read for me! Probably will save for the winter

Bruny by Heather Rose - My grandma gave me this to read at Christmas so, I would like to tell her I read it.

I have 4 saved spots which I am undecided on, but will probably fill later with new releases.

[fieldnoting]

12.21.23 bakersfield / san joaquin

before i opened my eyes this morning, a phrase flashed through my head: "it tasted like memory."

it's winter solstice-ish, and i am in the middle of a returning home to san francisco, departing from an older home in los angeles. the seat i picked faces opposite to the direction we are traveling in; hurtling ahead with my back to the future, facing history, memory.

as 2023 comes to a close, i'm thinking about 2021, 2022, 2023 layered atop, or otherwise parallel to one another, how wishes from past years have come to fruition this year.

at the end of each year of this decade so far, i've felt an undertone of sadness, defeat, overwhelm in the face of uncertainty; i'd strive to be grateful and hopeful, often hope in something beyond me. this year, sadness and overwhelm remained, but then came friendship, community, joy, then came the power. in a recent talk given by chetna mehta, i was awed by their adapted feelings wheel, which included "power" as a category of feeling.

i feel more within myself, i think because i've tried to confront the parts of ever-present sadness & uncertainty that were in the realm of my ability to act. i tried to lean on others a bit more, i tried to be open about the things that felt unspeakable. what feels new this year is also a belief in what i am able to do, in my ability to continue, return, or change, belief in not only what remains beyond me (which can also be the things that overwhelm me), but belief in what and belief shared with who i am touched by, connected with -- how much more we can hold when we hold it together. i am so grateful.

in a song i looped incessantly this year, caroline polachek sings "so many stories we were told / about a safety net / but when i look for it / it's just a hand that's holding mine." the paradox i'm sitting with is how i more fervently believe in how we need one another, and how i more fervently believe in how we need to honor our fundamental opacities to one another, our house of differences (audre lorde), our abilities to exist as our own people and the inevitable frictions of doing so. i am believing in my wholeness even if i am hurt, misunderstood, there is so much i can do to ensure that my needs & wants are met, that there is much i am lucky to be able to do to continue to reach toward affirming connection, to practice my belief in my own wholeness.

i'm ending this year looking forward to and believing in the work in front of me, like there is so much to be done. like there are many calls to respond to, and many responses to call out for. i want to ~radiate~ competence and efficacy in service of what i love, care for, and believe in.

to quote aracelis girmay: "i'm ashamed & determined. sharpened by fury. sharpened by love. we keep finding ways to each other. more vast than they fathom."

visiting family

there is so much to say, and so little time, about things like how i feel like the luckiest person on the train, with a tupperware of pickled radish and cucumber, laid alongside roast duck, char siu, garlic chicken, ++ on a bed of rice; about things like how i see how i am a child of my parents (and can cleanly trace where the stockpiling/hoarding tendency, anxiety, helicoptering, discontent with working, obsessiveness, adhd even, come from).

with my mom, i watched videos about microapartments, capsule wardrobes, art studio visits. i also brought a kazuo ishiguro short story collection and book on cbt, both translated into chinese, for her to read.

in choppy mandarin, i tried to explain to my dad how it felt not just important, but necessary to figure out how to work without anxiety at the center. there's some kind of shift that's happened where he seems to have arrived at this conclusion too, it's hard to do your best work when paralyzed by fear, or do much at all.

my mom is getting ready to retire in the next few years, and she talked to me about how it feels important to do a thing that doesn't....sap your will to live (or make you forget that it was there at all).

the desire to live well has more space to sprawl out when there isn't the constructive fear concerning basic survival and stability, and i'm really excited for both of my parents to have more ease and joy in their lives, i'm really glad that it feels possible to retain my belief in myself irregardless of their immediate understanding, and to value their interest and curiosity.

it is nice to feel like we are on the same team, like at the end of the day we are all just trying to live well, and do what it is we need to do to live well, and not grind ourselves down to nubs in the process of being able to live, and it is nice to feel like my sense of self is no longer contingent on their approval, while remaining grounded in my care of their opinion and approval.

the past is still here, and i can interact with it; it is more malleable than i imagined --

"i'm happy you visited"

"i'm happy i visited too"