#Is that how u do a tag list?

[jujutsukgojo]

The Baby Project Chapter 3

Izuku Midoriya x reader

chapter one, chapter two

Summary: Izuku declares, “I’m right here.” Like it’s the most natural thing to him. tw: Dead beats, pee, angst and fluff, idk what else. Izuku and mc will be fast paced but it's alright.

You jolt awake by a baby’s scream. You gasp and look around for the source of the vicious noise in the dark. You pat around for your phone, totally believing it’s some demonic alarm clock. A sniffle in the dark knocks that theory out. Immediately, you take your eye mask off and go to his bassinet. “What’s wrong, little ma-”

  He’s bigger and busting out of his onesie. You unbuckle it and take it off as carefully as you can. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” 

  He has red marks on his legs and arms from the tightness of the clothing. You rub them in an attempt to soothe him then fit him into a new diaper. It’s good luck that you accidentally got the wrong size that one time. “Poor baby,”

  You kiss his head, talking low and calmly. “I know, it’s rough growing up. It’s even tougher when you don’t understand it.” 

  He starts to calm down and is able to no longer have his head totally supported. It raises a little then settles back down as he is close to your chest. “Are you okay, now? You only got a diapy on!” You say in a light tone, making him huff. You pepper him with kisses and set him back down. Since he’s bigger, you check him and see that it still says four months.

 “You ate your Wheaties or something?” Something isn’t right. He’s bigger than the average four month old yet shows nothing in his age. He can even hold his head up completely.

   You kiss his forehead and see him look up at him with what you could swear is love. His face is still chubby and his eyes still sparkle. If it weren’t for the school insisting on it, you’d swear there is a soul behind those eyes. You go to your desk and flip the flower lamp on. Underneath it is the paper part of the project. It asks questions of each month, the costs, and experiences. How far did the age jump and when. That part’s redundant since Hatsume is tracking the exact time and ages. Then again, this entire project is dumb so why wouldn’t there be dumb questions?

   “I better write all of this down.” So, you do. You finally start to do that part of the assignment. Write your experience on the paper and his milestones. It’s early in the morning now and Noa is quick to rest again, funnily enough. You decide to leave out Kaibara’s lack of involvement since they already know that. You still can’t believe you told the teachers. You can’t believe he got aggressive with you because he didn’t like pink on his son. Now, it’s like a waiting game to see Kaibara’s next move. It’s the suspense and the end result. Facing him head on is of course nerve wracking, but the ending is scary.

   The fluffy pen grazes across the paper effortlessly as you reminisce. This project started just recently, and you’ve already learned so much about babies and life. You just wish you didn’t have to learn it this way. You wish the heroes would actually care about anyone but themselves. Then again, they have let too many people slip through the cracks to erase that possibility.

 You fall asleep at your desk. Drool slides out your mouth and onto the surface and part of the paper. Noa is quiet, resting peacefully in Yona’s gifted bed. You had a dreamless sleep once again. The birds tweet as the sun pokes through your curtains. You turn your head and sigh. The door knocks hurriedly, waking you up fully. You wipe the drool from your mouth and walk to the door with shaky legs. “What?” Your voice is thick with sleep and sand in your eyes. 

  “Where were you?” Riko stands in front of you. You blink a couple of times to register it. “You’re back!” 

  “Yeah, and you weren’t. Where were you?”

You notice her uniform. “What? What time is it?”

“Noon! Snipe is looking for you and wanted me to get you.” Your alarm didn’t go off. Noa would have let you know with a wail if something woke him up. “M-my alarm-” you rush to your bedside and see the device blank. 

It was set, you’re sure of it. Your eyes look around and see some things have moved. Did you really have a dreamless sleep? You look at Noa and wonder if quirks can affect them since they’re so life like.

  “Oh shit…okay, I’ll get ready. Tell him I’m coming.” You look around dazed then grab your bathing items. When you go to grab Noa, Riko stops you. “Can I do it?”

You’d prefer her to handle Snipe but you’re not going to argue. “Sure. I’ll just be a moment, I promise.” You wondered why she would want to given what happened. After your extremely fast shower, you brush your teeth and switch rooms with Riko. Noa babbles and blows bubbles at you. He seems to be a friendly baby. First, he’s fond of Izuku then Riko. 

You do the bare minimum with your appearance which bothers the shit out of you, but you are way out of time. “Can’t believe it. I can’t believe I missed school like this.”

   “There are plenty more classes to go, miss drama.” She looks confused at the stash of diapers. “What’s this?” 

“Special Hatsume diapers. He’s allergic to normal ones,” She raises a brow. You nod. “I know, right? So far, it’s been a pain in the ass to afford.”

   She holds up different shirts to him. “Which one, eh? Blue or black?” She pokes his toes, making him laugh. “Black? You sure?” 

  Putting the finishing touches on yourself, you watch her and Noa. She's a natural and seems to be having fun with him. “You sure you don’t want to do this? I know what that thing did but…I’m sure Snipe will understand.” You don’t blame her for quitting at all. Whatever the grape bastard did, it was enough to traumatize Riko and deserve his fate with the school. Not to mention his hero career.

  “No. He completely ruined it for me. I’ll wait for the real thing.” She lifts Noa up and shows you her work. You smile at them. “Dazzling, simply dazzling.” 

  “I know, I know.” Noa reaches for her turquoise hair. “You sure? You’re great at this, Riko. I don’t think it’s too late.”

  She shakes her head. “No. I’ll wait,” Noa finally reaches his goal of pulling her hair. “The things he was doing were too much. I’ll settle for being an aunt right now.”

   “I understand. And,” You walk up to her. “I’m sorry I didn’t see the signs sooner.” At the time, the assignment had just started. In a short span, the grape had hurt her. During class she was quiet when her phone went off. There were times she would suck in her lips and look straight ahead. You thought it was because she was afraid of getting in trouble. Now that this all came out, it was clear that she was trying not to cry. That alone makes you want to beat the shit out of the grape, his friends, and his teacher. He should have been gone a long time ago. Why did they wait until it was at the expense of Riko?

  You pack Noa’s things in the diaper bag and head out the door after Riko. “It’s no problem, peach. Thanks for not asking for details.” You pause and look back at her. Suddenly, a pretty face comes to mind.

  “Ema?”

“Of course, the little demon.” You let out a short laugh. “You love her anyway.”

As the two of you make your way to class, you walk slower and ask, “I don’t need to know the details but…if you need counseli-”

“Counseling?”

“Yes, counseling. Mental health is extremely important. Even if you think it’s nothing or that your pain isn’t serious, take the time and care for yourself. If you need a professional, it’s no one’s business but your own.”

  She sucks in her lips. “I’ll think about it.”

Inside the school, you pass students to head to your floor. On the way, Riko is lighthearted, happy and has a pep to her step while holding Noa. Now that he's more developed, he has more expressions. Not a single one has been sad except for the Kaibara incident.

The minute you walk in class with Noa in Riko’s arms still, Snipe tries to calm your classmates down. You move your hands to get them to settle down. “I know, I know. Leave your offerings on the table.” 

  Benio smirks. “I'm liable to kiss you, puppy.” You sigh. “After class, Benny. When I can get handsy.” 

 Snipe growls for you to be quiet and points to your seat. The air is lighter in the class. The stress and frustration are obviously still here, but the load is lifting now that you spoke up about their partners’ behavior.

You didn’t expect this. You can see some of your classmates without their babies. The heroes must have them to prove something. All except for Kirishima who has been great from the start.

  Benio still has his baby girl. She sits on the side of him, content. She mainly looks like him already, only having Yaoyorzoru's eyes. You smile at how she's looking at him. Starry eyes and all. For a robotic baby, they sure are life-like. If she were real, she’d definitely be a daddy’s girl.

   Looking around and seeing how much the babies have grown makes you proud. A lot of them are doing it on their own and they've gotten pretty far. 

  There's a knock on the door. It opens and Kirishima steps in, quietly asking for Ema. He whispers, “We have training right now and it's not safe. I also have my internship later.”  

  “It's okay. Talk to you later?” Kirishima nods and apologizes for the interruption. He kisses the baby goodbye and waves at everyone. Everyone says goodbye in unison.

“Why couldn't I have that? Instead, I got stuck with Kaminari.” Jule puts his hand on his hips. You can't help but laugh yet at the same time, remember how much it hurts him that he doesn't have that.

________________________

“So, U.A. stepped up and told the hero students about themselves?” Riko asks then shoves some food in her mouth. You swallow some of your water. “Yep. Apparently, there were some that were very involved, so they didn’t get docked points. Everyone else got punished.”

“Yeah, thankfully they’re stepping up!” Ema gives a slight bounce. Kirishima has been a great partner and was even commended for such.

  Benio scoffs. “Whatever.” He hasn't touched his food, and that plate is looking real tempting. You stretch out your fork to grab some of the beef from his lunch. He smacks your hand. You grumble. “Probably cold and nasty anyway…just like you.”

And here you were having dirty thoughts about him. You side eye your friend and what could have been. You shake your head. "We could've had it all." Riding into the sunset on a tropical island or something. With pina coladas...getting caught in the rain, we're not much into health food, we are into champagne-

"Will you stop?" They don't appreciate you in any way, shape or hum of a 70s song. One day they'll miss you.

He goes silent and takes a deep breath. “She only has her for like two seconds to show her off then hands her back to me even if she's not doing anything!”

The table remains silent, intent on listening. “It’s just frustrating. Whenever we have to do that report-”

“Report?” You perk up and a heavy worry starts to settle in. It can’t be that report. There’s no way that your progress report needs to be turned in. You thought it would be like a journal, something to turn in at the end. “Our progress papers are supposed to be turned in.” 

“Son of a bit-”

Ema sighs. “He was talking! I’ll help you after, (Y/n). Jeez. Continue Benio.” 

“Whenever we do the report, she comes up, looks at my notes, corrects my grammar and turns it in. She’s literally copying my homework.”

You wince. Hearing his story, it makes you even more nervous. You’ve written some of the progress down but not everything and haven’t turned anything in. Not only that, but it is a partnered report.

“Her attitude changed a little but I’m still mad about it. All this time and it took for her to get points deducted for her to notice how wrong she is? Even now, where is she?”

His frustration isn’t unwarranted. Look at how they’ve been acting. And it is irritating that it took this to have them wake up.

  Riko finishes her plate. “I'll help out. Sometimes, though.”

  Benio looks up at her with a smile on his face. He nods and mutters a thanks. Noa starts to get fussy again. “Baby boy, speak in a language I can understand, please.”

You fed him with what formula you had left, changed him, all of it. Speaking of formula…

“I'm out of milk and I need more. I'll talk to you guys later! And Benny,” You kiss his cheek, much to his shock. “If you want, I’ll beat her ass.”

“Ha, yeah. While you’re at it, get a gummy from Recovery Girl after she floors you.”

  Up the stairs you feel a familiar presence. Izuku walks behind you with his books in his hand. He's looking down at the steps, not realizing you're there until he is two steps behind you.

  He calls your name surprised. “Is that Noa? He's gotten so big!” He strolls up to you and coos at Noa. “May I?” 

  You hand Noa over to him and trade for his books. “You don't have to. I can do it.”

“You're carrying my grade. I'm not risking it.” The two of you walk to the support course. You suck on your teeth and head inside, hoping Mei Hatsume doesn't get on your fucking nerves. She's not a bad person, she's just a little much.

  “Mei? Mei!” You call out. She rounds the corner with a big grin. “Midoriya!”

“Oh hell no, Mei. Me first. Don't touch him.” She whines and groans. “Why not! I haven't seen him in forever!”

“No. You haven't tested on him in forever. I need help first. Touch him later.”

“Do I get a say?” Izuku’s voice is quiet. “No.” You and Mei say in unison. She asks what you need, already working on another one of her “babies”. 

“Formula, please.”

“Oh, that reminds me!” She goes to a small desk with a desktop computer. There are only papers next to it, no doohickeys or thingamabobs. It's unusual for her and her chaotic nature.

  “I need to speed you up.”

“For what?” Mei continues to click the mouse then types on the keyboard. She answers, “Yeah, the care levels are looking good so we're moving it along.”

  He's at four months already. Suddenly, in Izuku’s arms, Noa grows again. Izuku’s face is bright. “This is-!”

“My beautifully amazing baby!” Mei practically jumps. You stare in shock at how he's grown. “Did he grow in age, yet?”

  “How do I check?” Izuku looks all around Noa. His large hand cradles his head gently as he searches. 

“Izuku, I don't think you have to support his head anymore.” Izuku slightly lifts Noa up as if he wanted you to give him another look. “You sure? I mean, he’s so small.” Izuku tilts his head and his eyebrows drawn. 

 “Check his tummy!” Mei calls out as she starts to speed walk away. You turn to her and yell, “Wait! I still need some!”

She tosses the items to you. Izuku catches it right before it hits your face. Hatsume hasn’t charged you yet. 

“Um, Mei? The total?” You dig in your bag and stop when Mei says, "On me this time.”

“W-why?”

She’s quiet this time. Not whispering or anything, but calmer. 

“It was brave to stand up to Kaibara and the staff. So, I’ll take this one.” She turns to leave. Noa babbles and claws Izuku’s face. His delicate fingers pull on his freckled cheek. Izuku doesn’t seem to mind at all. You give a breathy laugh and scratch your head. 

“Um, check his belly. It’ll say how old he is.”

  He looks to you. “Can you hold him for a second while I take my jacket off?” You raise a brow but do it nonetheless. Izuku folds his jacket and places it on the desk. “Alright, I’m ready.”

  You suck in your lips and try not to smile. He’s so gentle with Noa. Izuku finally sees his belly. “Four months.”

Disappointment and confusion settle in. What did she mean by speeding it up if the screen still says four months? 

“But he’s grown…” Izuku shrugs and buttons him up. “That’s no worry! The fact he’s gotten a little bigger shows that it’ll happen soon.”

------

“Are you sure you don't want me to walk you?” His voice is shy. Borderline nervous. “Yeah, Izuku. It's alright. Thank you for holding him.” 

He stares at you with a shine in his eyes. A smile is on his lips then he shakes his head and says, “It's no problem! I can help anytime!” There is a flush to his freckle cheek. Is this a medical condition? “Thanks,” You stare into his emerald eyes. “Sad that you're here more than Kaibara.” 

His name is bitter on your tongue. Izuku raises a brow. “Is he still mad?”

You haven't talked to him since this started. Him and the rest of the course are bitter beyond belief. What did you expect? Of course he'd be mad.  You were (are) mad but it's all real. You're scared, tired, and frustrated. Everything you said needed to be told. It isn’t your fault that the rest of the hero partners got in trouble for their own failures. Now, Kaibara is ignoring you all together. 

  “Do you have his number by chance?” You hold onto Izuku’s jacket and hold the door open for him as the two of you leave the support course’s lab.

“No, sorry. I only have a few from class B.”

Shit. You lick your lips slowly. You want to talk to him, to let him know about the report and for him to see Noa, to at least hold him. “I need to go to class.” 

  You set his books and jacket down on the floor to adjust your wrap that's been hanging loosely behind you. “Do you think he's old enough to be carried on my back?”

Izuku freezes. “I-is that safe?” He hangs onto Noa, rubbing his back. You chuckle at how he seems like a nervous new mother.

“Okay, I'll just do the front then.”

“Oh, thank God.” Noa babbles some more. Noa is more vocal and that'll increase as time goes on. You have to remember to practice with him.

Noa messes with Izuku’s hair again. You study him as he moves his focus from Izuku's hair to his face. Noa tugs on the hero's cheek. Izuku is close to you, and you don’t know what to do. You can feel his body heat and one step closer his heartbeat. He doesn't notice in the slightest or just doesn't care.

“You know, even if he is one of Mei’s babies, he’s adorable.” Izuku pokes Noa’s chubby cheek.

--------------

The day went by fast and the next is no better. By now, you’re walking into the cafeteria after catching Snipe after class.

You walk into the cafeteria after your short talk with Snipe. You didn't know to turn in your progress report, so you said that you’d give it to him at the end of the day. Unfortunately, it’s a partnered thing. So, given what happened with Kaibara, you thought he’d give you some leniency. Nope.  Mr. Snipe is clearly pissed at how you talked to him when this whole thing came out. Finally, after a few seconds of scolding, you ducked out the door and rolled your eyes. You have had enough of heroes. And to be honest, you're mad at Snipe. When this assignment is done, you won't look at him or any of the other teachers the same.

  You spot your friends at their usual table and notice that Yaomomo is heading over there, and she is actually holding Kobeni. Your jaw drops. Right when you walk over, Ema calls your name. 

“Sit with us!” You find her with Kirishima and his crew, including Izuku who is animatedly talking to Kirishima. “I'm good.” 

“Please!” You roll your eyes and say, “Fine. But I got to talk to you know who.”

“Oh…” 

 You search around and finally find him talking with Kendo who waved him goodbye. You head over to Kaibara and bite your lips nervously. This is the first time you’ve talked to him since you snitched. His eyes flicker to you and his face settles into a quick frown then changes his expression. It's amazing how fast he can do that. 

“Kaibara, can we talk?” You want your voice to sound a lot stronger than what came out.

“Sure.” He guides you out of the large, student filled room. You notice the glances and maybe even venomous looks given. Whether it’s to you or Kaibara, they’re there. You wouldn’t be surprised if it is you that they hate. However, a lot of them aren’t hero students. So, why would anyone from the other courses have a grudge against you?

   The two of you go out of the door and turn down the short hallway. At the end is another glass door that leads to the courtyard of the school, with luscious green grass and not a speck of litter in sight. He doesn’t hold the door open for you and Noa and you don’t expect him to. It’s quiet for a moment until he opens his mouth. “Are you having fun?”

“What?” There’s a heavy ball in your gut. He cocks his head to the right. “You must be. Everyone’s patting your back while my reputation gets shit on. I mean, you have to be pretty proud of yourself.”

   You shake your head. “No, I’m not proud-”

“Yet you did it anyway? Did you forget that actions have consequences?”

 You’re trying to hold your anger in since Noa is present. “Getting scolded was yours. What you did was deplorable, and you know it.”

He starts to laugh. You look around for a mirror to see if he's watching how much of a clown he is because this isn't funny.

“What’s so funny?”

“Ha, ha! Nothing, I just didn't expect a waitress to know that word." Your mouth drops. “First of all, customer service workers deserve respect, including me. So, let’s put that down. Second, now I know why you are so triflingly ugly. This fucking attitude. Third, the reason your reputation is getting shit on is because you deserve it.”

  He rubs his face. “This is based on real life, right? Our future? My future?”

“Duh.”

  “Then, you would ruin a future because of a disagreement?”

“Futu- disagreement? What the hell are you talking about? Explain.” God, if Noa was not in your arms...

  “Everyone’s been giving me shit because of you. Including my mentor. By the way, he’s reconsidering my internship, so thanks for that. Because of your dramatics-”

“Un-explain.” He stops his rant to look at you. “You jeopardized our grade and are still doing it with you not participating! This is on you, not me.”

  “You act like he’s real. Like he’s an actual human being who has to be watched all of the time. I left him alone and he was fine.”

  Your nose flares as your anger begins to boil over. Suddenly, you stop when his words set in. “When you took care of him? He was alone?”

He claps his hands slowly. “Amazing how you remember that now but not when you were ruining m-”

“You left him alone?” You yell. Noa hasn't made a sound.

Kaibara steps closer. “He isn’t real. This is just a grade, and you decided it was best to ruin my future for a grade. And it isn’t even a major one.”

He left him alone. Is that why he’s stuck at four months old? Did Kaibara do something? He stops and gives a fake sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry I hurt you and scared Noa, truly. But what you did was worse. How is that fair?”

And he's calling you dramatic?

 You take a deep breath and try to get your mind back to the original topic, so you don’t really go off. “Now who’s being dramatic? You got in trouble. Your license hasn’t been taken away, dumbass.”

You stop tapping your foot when Noa caresses your face. “We have those reports due at the end of every month. I have the majority of mine written down, so I’d like for us to get together and do them but in order for that to happen, we need to work together.”

He doesn’t say anything for a second. Finally, he gives you that smile again. “I want what’s best for Noa.”

“Me too. So, you with me?” You’re stiff when your gut instinct senses something's wrong. He’s hiding something. Even though you are dealing with him, you think of the original cause. All this is because of Endeavor and his family. Now here you are dealing with this jackass and his fake smile. Because of the Todoroki's you now have to look at this illegal circus in front of you. 

You want to finish this project and get a good grade, not have to deal with this delinquent. 

“If it’s going to clean my reputation, that’s just a bonus. My kid matters, you know? How about this weekend?”

“I can’t this weekend. How about Monday after school? We can hang out and work on this.” You’re biting the inside of your cheek, hoping he won’t realize that you work this weekend. Yeah, you can move stuff around for him. But you don’t want to deal with him right now.

“Sure. Monday.”

You promised Snipe you'd hand it in today, but he'll just have to settle for it to be on Monday. That's bothersome but right now, you want to take fifty showers.

Looking at Sen's passive face, you notice that there is a small hopeful wish inside you. A little flame that goes way back. Now, you think you might be giving it to your son with this one question that was asked once years ago.

“Do you want to hold him?”

Kaibara rolls his eyes. “I’ll see him Monday, won’t I?”

 You leave and head back into the cafeteria without an appetite.

-----

Inside, you sit quietly while the others talk. Ema was curious about your behavior but didn't question it. She will most likely bombard you with questions later. Right now, you sit in silence as the friends talk over each other about God knows what. The noise is almost enough to snap you out of your daze. 

That encounter with Kaibara just doesn’t sit right with you. There’s something lurking underneath that you can’t put your finger on exactly. It’s definitely shady, though. Suddenly, a shrill cry snaps you out of your daze.

“Why are you crying, cherub?” You prop him up. “Support his head!” Izuku brings his hand to the back of Noa’s head. You almost forgot that Izuku was sitting next to you. “He’s fine. I’m telling you, Mei just messed up. He has to be more than four months old, he doesn’t need his head propped up. Besides, he’s done it before.”

“Still, you need to-wait, you let him do that? ”

“He’s fine-” His eye twitches before you can get your full answer out.

“No, give ‘im. You’re making me worry!” Izuku literally grabs Noa and before he can support your baby’s head, you tease, “See, you aren’t even holding it.”

“Ah!” 

Izuku scrambles to hold him. Noa laughs and kicks his feet. Kirishima and the rest of the table follow. It’s a blessing that he’s a happy baby. There are dolls that have colic or are just plain onery. Also known as, Mira, Sakura and Bakugou's baby girl. 

 “Midoriya, please. He’s fine. A lot of babies around that age can hold them up.”

“You sure? He’s so small…” Izuku makes faces at the baby who sticks his tongue out, mimicking Izuku. Ema looks at you with a grin you can’t place. “You look good with Noa, doesn’t he?”

  Kirishima looks at her for a second. “Yeah! Midoriya, aren’t you having fun with (Y/n), sorry, I meant Noa.”

  “I am!” Izuku focuses back on Noa. Then, Noa begins to cry in Izuku’s hold. You pick up Izuku’s chopsticks and gather some rice from his katsudon. “He’s too young!”

“Let’s just try it.” You place a little rice in Noa’s mouth. Since he is getting bigger, it doesn't hurt to try solids, right?

Izuku’s about to scold you again until Noa chirps happily. He kicks his little legs and giggles. Izuku’s thick finger presses against Noa’s chin to encourage Noa to open his mouth. "Chew, Noa!"

"Izuku, I swear he's fine." You give Noa a little bit of the egg in the katsudon. Flavorful dishes like this aren't generally recommended at his age, but a little won't hurt a robot baby, right? Noa opens his mouth wide for more food much to your amazement. Izuku decides to join in on the fun and hand feed him some more white rice. "I guess I should be feeding you both now, huh?"

  "Slowly, and not all the time-"

"Izuku, I know!" You groan. He chuckles nervously, slightly embarrassed. You quickly take out a notepad and write this down. "For the report." You say when you notice Izuku's eyes on you. "Do you want help?"

"You're doing enough, that's fine." Izuku cautiously lifts his hand away from Noa's neck. You roll your eyes and huff. He's acting more like a first time mom than you are! Izuku then grabs his phone and keeps it on Noa. "Maybe a recording will help? This is a milestone, right?"

  You stop writing and laugh. Going along with Izuku's weird and probably useless plan, you feed Noa and abandon your note taking. Ema's chin is on her hands. "Aw..."

Noa sees the plate of rice next to him and grabs a handful. It's cute how his chubby hands grab the rice, turning it into mush. He squeals in delight at the flavor. Izuku captures every second of Noa's newest milestone. Suddenly, ruining the adorable scene, a horrendous smell interrupts it. "Oh my God!" 

You and Kirishima start to gag. Izuku curses and lifts Noa away from him. Ema coughs. "(Y/n), do something!" 

“He’s full. I’ll be right back.” You grab him from Izuku. Ema rolls her watery eyes. "What tipped you off?"

"(Y/n), what the hell is wrong with Noa's ass?!" Kirishima fans in front of his nose. You huff and back away from the table, slightly offended despite the stench. Izuku shyly follows you.

“You sure you don’t need me?” 

“I can change his diaper, hon.” You're not sure about this one, though.

“Ooh!”  Ema starts clapping her hands with glee. You point to her and have pleading eyes for her to shut up. “Shut it, Ema. Don’t start.” 

Ema remained unfazed. She waved at the two of you. “We’ll see you guys later! And Midoriya,” Izuku turns around. “Uh, Eijirō and I have to cancel the weekend.”

“We do?” Kirishima stops kissing Hana’s cheek. She has his eyes. Nose and up are him and below is definitely Ema. It’s amazing how these babies' faces are changing. 

Ema elbows him. “I-I mean, yeah! We do! Ema and I have to work on our report and then we have Hana-you know, we’re absolutely swamped, ha, ha.” Kirishima's smile is as fake as Kaibara's heroics.

  Izuku pauses then sucks on his lips. His round eyes get bigger. “R-right! Right! I’ll see you later.”

  You bid them goodbye. To your side is Izuku who keeps up with your speed. “You know you don’t need to do this, right? I’m capable.”

“I know you are! You-you're amazing with Noa.” You bite your lips and look towards the ground. That has been something heavy on your heart from the start. Being a parent is one thing but being a good one is another. You struggle with this and see how everyone is better than you are. It's like all of them have more and do more. To have someone you just met say that you’re doing amazing despite your inadequacy has you feeling warm in a good way.

“Thank you, Izuku.”

In the general studies commons, you lay Noa down on the coffee table, not thinking to put a blanket or something underneath him. You had placed his diaper bag at the side of the couch where Izuku sits. 

“Hand me-no, that one-the one right there!” Izuku searches the bag. He pulls out the diaper. “This?”

“Yes, thank you.” You roll your eyes and take the diaper. When you take his bottoms off, Noa gains this strange look on his face. Brushing it off, you ask Izuku, “Wanna learn?”

“Uh, sure. What side does it-” Izuku gestures to the diaper. Smiling, you begin, “Like this-” 

Suddenly, right as you open Noa’s used diaper, the unthinkable happens. You scream bloody murder, as warmth hits your chest and shoulders. Izuku gasps then scrambles away. You jerk back away from the baby. 

Noa, your own doll son, is peeing on you. You, his mother. 

  “Oh my God!” Izuku laughs and holds his phone out, recording your horror as you distance yourself from the stream by pressing yourself impossibly close to the couch. “Are-are you recording me?” 

Seeing this, you grab Noa and hold him up to Izuku. The little bastard stops peeing. Izuku has tears in his eyes. You glare at Noa. “Are you kidding me?!”

Noa laughs, matching Izuku’s. “I can’t believe this disrespect!” You stomp your foot then make a disgusted noise when it begins to cool. “It’s cold!”

Izuku reaches for Noa, who stops laughing. “You go get cleaned up-”

“Noa, no!” Izuku shouts as Noa gives him the equal treatment. Noa stops and looks triumphant. “Ha!” You point.

Noa’s shirt is raised a little and on his tummy is eight months. Who knew that all he needed to do to grow up was pee on you?

_____________________________

Izuku’s a little wet from the shower. He rubs the top of his curls, causing them to shake and small droplets to fall. After Noa's pee parade, both of you decided to take showers. Thankfully, the baby was very calm when you decided to bathe with him, not once screaming when the water touched him. Maybe Noa's growth will stop the tears a little.

“I have to get him bigger sizes. Look at him!” Your poor chunky baby is busting out of his clothes. His diaper barely fits, and you just got this size. Shit, shit, shit. "I have to go to Hatsume first then-"

“I’ll go to Hatsume, you go find something to put Noa in for the time being. Afterwards, we'll go to that little store around the corner." You bite your cheek for a second. "If you want to come with me then know that you'll be doing some heavy lifting."

He perks up. “It’d be great for training.” Before he goes you reach for your bag. "Here, if I remember right the diapers should cost the same no matter the size-" You turn to find him gone. You should be happy, grateful, maybe even flattered. Yet here you sit with this terrible feeling of embarrassment. 

You put Noa on your hip and smack your cheek. Now is not the time for self-pity or whatever. Now is the time to get the little man into something presentable. In your room, you search around. His stash of clothing is so small compared to him now. You sigh and go through your own clothes. He'll just have to settle for one of your tops. He squeals and reaches for you after you put it on him.

"You excited, mini man?" You ask as you are in the elevator. Noa claps and tries to talk the entire time, having a full-blown conversation. The door opens and you see Izuku waiting for you in your dorm's commons. In his hands are several packs of Hatsume's diapers. The doors threaten to close on you since you haven't moved. 

  Izuku comes up to you and stops the elevator doors from closing. "Are you okay?" He puts his hand against your forehead. "Your temperature's fine-"

"I-I'm fine," You blink several times. "Positive. Let's roll." He looks at you skeptically. You grab a diaper from him and walk past, not wanting him to question it further. 

Izuku has a bit more pep in his step as the two of you walk through the campus side by side. You pass people who are heading towards the main building. Every person around stares at him in awe. The many eyes are nerve wracking and overall annoying. Rather than bringing it to his attention, you let it slide and walk faster.

The two of you walk into the same shop you went to with Kaibara. The employee immediately recognizes you. Apparently, she recognizes Izuku just as well. In an instant, she trips over to introduce herself. “Thank you for everyth-”

  When she grabs his arm, you feel something tingly, something that would be bitter if you could taste it. “That’s enough. Izuku, come with me.” You grab his hand and lead him away. It’s, um, not subtle. Worst of all, you don’t know why this is. Why did you become jealous? You’re not so naive to be ignorant to what jealousy is. Not when you’re so familiar with it.

  You pull out a list of things the little turd needs. “Shirts, pants, shoes, literally everything.” Izuku takes him out of your wrap. Smiling, he says, “And a carrier. This can’t be good for you to wear all the time.”

Before you can defend it, he adds, “We'll get bigger sizes so he can grow into them.” He bounces the baby. You are about to tell him he doesn’t like to be bounced when you realize that Noa isn’t crying. That he has only cried with Izuku once.

  Your eyes twitch and nostrils flare. “You’re right.”

You’ll handle that later. Then, you see it. He isn’t a full-fledged hero yet. He’s still interning and is just now getting back on his feet. Yet this is an opportunity that you can't pass up. “How about this?”

 You hold up a green jacket with long stems at the hood, resembling bunny ears. It’s Deku merchandise. Along with it are other ones, too. A Uravity helmet, gloves that look like Dynamight’s with grenade print at the wrists, there are Ingenium’s shoes. All over are merchandise for kids in honor of heroes that fought in the wars. There are scarves that resemble Aizawa and that one tired kid's ropes and a Lemillion blanket that matches his red cape with his symbol in the corner.

  His breath hitches. You place the jacket in the cart. “It’d be cute-are you okay?”

His eyes are watery as he looks at the cloth. He leans in and excitedly declares, “We’ll get everyone’s! I’ll pay for it myself!” Your eyes are wide at how passionate he is about this. “Um…okay?”

Now, Noa is in his Deku jacket and Ingenium shoes that are a little bigger than what he can actually wear right now. Izuku’s eyes are down to the sidewalk. Noa rests in his arms, not yet in the carrier, and points to everything that catches his attention. Izuku’s behavior changed once he saw the merchandise. He paid for them like he said he would. Is that the reason for the difference? After dealing with Kaibara, the correct thing to do is ask.

   “Are you bothered about paying?” Blunt and to the point. Izuku blinks then asks, “No, why?”

  “You’re acting weird so I just thought…” You shrug and let the sentence trail off. “I’m happy to do it. I’m happy for everyone and can’t wait to show them. It’s more of my things that I feel off about.”

  Before you can ask why, he changes the topic. “He does look cute, right?” Noa smiles and pulls on Izuku’s hair. “Yeah, yeah, cute as can be.”

  You adjust the bags and continue to walk. “Let me.” He takes the bags from you. “W-hold on you got Noa.” 

  Somehow, he takes the numerous bags from you and hands you Noa with ease. It’s probably the training he does or something because you are clumsy compared to him.

 You sigh and shake your head. “You know you don’t have to do this, right?”

“I want to! I really like y-uh, Noa! He’s adorable. He’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.” Your face begins to warm not only because he thinks Noa is cute, but that Noa looks like you. A fact pops in your head cooling you down. “He’s not really a baby, though.”

“Still a cutie.” He takes a better look at Noa. “Looks just like you. I don’t see Kaibara at all.”

“Really? I see it in the nose a little bit.”

“Mm, nah. See,” He delicately traces his finger along the little mound. Noa sneezes anyway and smiles. “That right there is you. You both have a cute nose.”

Your nose is something you never thought was cute. But the weird unintentional comment makes you feel…flattered? Amazing? Pretty? It’s such a weird feeling that you've never felt before or at least haven't in a while. You feel like shrieking for some reason. Why? You've just met this guy and only know him through a friend of a friend. Nevertheless, his adoration of Noa and your nose makes you feel good.

You hold the door open for him to enter inside your dorms. You can't help but feel that you forgot something now that you're inside the campus.

“Ah, do you have anything to do this weekend?” You turn to Izuku who looks absolutely in pain. “Um, yeah? But only for a bit.”

“O-oh. Never-never mind then!” He retreats and puts the bags gently on the floor. Even from his side profile you can see the disappointment hidden behind those bright eyes of his. “I can make room, of course. Why’d you ask?”

“Well, um, I would like to spend some time with you, if that’s alright. But if you’re with Kaibara , then I don’t want to intrude.” He rubs the back of his neck and doesn’t make eye contact with you. You hear him mutter something about plans and how you don’t have to feel obligated. That’s all you catch with his muttering. 

“S-sorry! I know that freaks-”

“I don’t mind, I like it. I think it’s endearing.” He gives a little gasp with a widening smile. “I-In that case, um, thanks. You’re the first one.”

  You can’t help but smile. “What do you have in mind, anyway?” 

“Ha, well, there's this restaurant I’ve been wanting to try-you don't have to by the way! I just know they also have some food that I think Noa’ll like!”

“Sure.”

“You probably have so much going on, this was dumb I’m-wait, what?” Izuku sputters, shocked that you agreed.

“I’ll go. But it’ll have to be before ten.”

“Of course, the curfew is at nine!”

“I mean, I have to be asleep by then.” He plays with Noa’s peach fuzz for hair. “Is it Noa’s schedule?”

“No, my own. I trained myself that way because of my quirk."

 He perks up and gets close, sitting on the couch next to you. You move the many bags out of his way. “What’s your quirk? How does it wor-” Ah, you heard from Ema a while back that he was not only a hero fanatic, but a quirk nerd. He has notebooks dedicated to them. 

“Uh, it has to do with dreams. It isn't the best.”

  His real quirk has to be something with conjuring because this notepad came out of nowhere. Where the hell did he keep it? How deep are his pockets? He opens it and finds a page deep in the middle. “Tell me more, please? I’d love-”

Noa is on the floor next to you, bringing out his favorite toys from his diaper bag on his own. Izuku continues his rapid fire of questions. You decide to go with the first one. “I don't remember the name because I never cared to do anything with it. It has to do with dreams."

He writes fast. “How?” This is like an interview. You pray you're not sweating too bad. “I don't know if I could actually bring, like, a dream of Bikini Bottom-"

“What?”

“I couldn't think of anything!” You're failing this interview. You could have said anything else. Maybe if you weren't such a dumbass and actually paid attention to it, you could explain it better.

“Sorry, sorry. Continue, please. It’s been so long since someone's let me do this.”

  You nod and say, "I never tested it to see how far it can go. What I do know is that I can't change one."

Noa hits your foot with his block. You put it on top of his head. "I know for a fact that I won't be able to save you from a nightmare, but I can hold your hand, type of thing." You wave your hand dismissively, not really caring about quirks in the first place. Since no one is allowed to use them, then why are they important?

“I think it'd be harder for me to do anything to another person than for me to use my own, though. So, if I dreamed of Bikini Bottom," You scratch your cheek. "Then I can show you? Maybe I could bring you there or something."

“So, controlling dreams?”

“No. I can't control dreams; I don't know if I can even create them. I honestly never looked into it. Quirks have never been a big part of my life." Izuku stops and stares at you. “Don’t worry, though! I never let my quirk get out of control. I take medicine at night to stop it.”

He looks at you with a curious and what you could swear is cautious, face. There’s a clawing feeling that reaches from your stomach to your throat. You shake your head, not wanting him to feel that you would violate him by entering his dreams or something. “It’s not the best-”

“I think it’s wonderful. I bet it’s beautiful," No one has ever said that. Then again, you've never really talked about it either. “Have you tried training it?”

You give a small 'no'. Izuku smiles a little and plays with one of his curls. “Since the Sports Festival is coming up and I’ll be busy with it, would you like to trai-”

The bell rings cutting him off. That's what you forgot. You've been here so long with him, you totally forgot about school. In fact, school is over. The two of you missed half of the school day. You jump up and go to grab Noa who has decided that he must defeat another milestone. 

“Go baby, go!” You cheer Noa on as he crawls towards your sneakers. “Oh, oh, oh, hold on! Hold-” Izuku fumbles with his phone to record it. 

______________________________________

Early Saturday, you called your boss for a change of schedule so you could be with Izuku. You even promised to work all day and night on Sunday. She said no. And when you told her the reason, she looked like the Grinch.

  “Um, I know you wanted to go to that restaurant but how about another? I know a place with somewhat good food and good prices.”

“Yeah?” He puts Noa in the carrier and picks it up along with the diaper bag with All Might on it. When the first one you bought broke, Izuku insisted on getting one for you. Of course, it had to be one with All Might's face on it.

  “I gotta warn you, the food is subpar at best, and the floors are sticky, and the service is horrendous.” He tries not to laugh. “If you like it, then it must be something.” Despite him having his hands full, he opens the door for you.

The devil stands at the register. “Oh hello, there! Such a beautiful couple. And who is this cutie?” You are literally shaking. Izuku messes with his curls and doesn’t correct her. “This is Noa. Say hi, bud.” Noa looks up at her and reaches for the devil who just happens to be your boss.

“Sorry, we’re still working on him talking.” 

She looks at him and gives a kind smile. One that isn’t devious or fake. It’s just kind. You still don’t trust it though. “I bet you’re doing great,” Like you predicted, it turns into a smirk.

“Hey, what word are you trying to get him to say?” Before Izuku can answer, you say, “Retirement home.”

She freezes. Her kids and you have an ongoing joke about admitting her when she gets old and even more senile. Ken has even joined in on the fun. 

Izuku raises a brow. “I was thinking mama…” 

Yona recovers. “Oh, come on, with a man like you by her side? I bet he says dada first!” 

“I’m still voting for retirement home. It has such a nice ring to it. When I hear it, I think of that little government funded one. It doesn’t have a shuffleboard or filet mignon, but at least there are beds. I bet he could also say funeral home.”

  She stops then and gives a glare. “Let’s find you a table.” 

Izuku leans into your ear. “Do you know each other?” 

Shit. “Ah, yeah. I come here quite a bit.” He nods at your explanation. The two of you are seated right in the middle, no doubt a deliberate seating since it is in perfect line with her and Ken’s nosy asses.

“I’ll leave these to you.” She sets menus down. Noa is sitting in his highchair, wiping it with his hand. This is not the first time he’s been here, clearly. Yona cocks her head as she studies Noa. “He’s got a good shaped head.”

 “What?” Izuku takes a drink of the water Yona poured in his green class. You don't blame him for being confused. It's a random ass thing to bring up. “I’m just saying. You two did good at shaping his head.” 

  You rub your face. “Thank you, ma’am. I already know wha-”

“I bet he gets it from you hon. What’s your name, again?” She places her hand on the back of Izuku’s chair. “Izuku Midoriya.”

“That name sounds familiar. Anyway, he must’ve got your head because hers is annoying looking.”

Bitch. Your head is perfect. It is the best shaped head in the universe and how dare she question that. Besides, shaping Noa's was a chore since he felt the need to lay on one side. Thankfully, it isn’t misshapen like Hana’s. 

  “You know what? He actually looks like-”

“I know what I want, ma’am!” You will haunt her dreams. Yona huffs and asks the bewildered Izuku what he’d like. He watches the two of you. “I’ll have the same as her.”

“Ah, and the cook would-”

“Tell him, block 5 for me please.” Ken will get the hint of his prison stunt. Yona purses her lips and walks away. Izuku leans in. “Are you sure you don’t know them?”

“Positive. I just come here a lot.” Izuku takes in his surroundings. “It is quite homey. Like a mom and pop’s shop.”

“Hopefully the awful food doesn’t chase you away.” Noa cries and tugs his ear. You hope he’s just sleepy and it’s not an ear infection that’s been going around. If so, you’re in trouble. For some reason, Hatsume decided that viruses and crap should be added to the project. Well, it was either her or the heroes.  “Here, let me.”

Izuku cradles him and gives him kisses. Noa wails and messes with his ears. “(Y/n), he isn’t sleepy, what-”

“Ear infection is my guess. Mei should have something for it,” You call out, “Yona, we need it to go! I’m gonna take Noa back.”

  “Shouldn’t we pay?” Izuku gets up, bouncing Noa in an attempt to calm him. “Nah, it’s fine.” You don’t notice the suspicious look on his face. 

__________________________

It’s June now, and Noa is still eight months old. Compared to his newborn phase, this is a little easier. Not by much since he is a curious little beastie who likes crawling and getting into things. And of course, you forgot that babies teethe. The dreaded shrill screams that he has every once in a while, makes you want to reach for the bottle of alcohol for yourself rather than put it on his gums. To stop that, fucking Deku made sure to get Noa Mei's cream for it.

“You’ve grown so much, little one.” Noa babbles in response. Lately, he has been vocal and clearly trying to speak. “Yeah?”

He responds in his usual way. “What’s your first word gonna be? Mama? Eh? Ma-ma.” 

He ‘blahs’ in response. “Close, I guess.” You pop a boh-boh back in his mouth and set him down on the floor. He immediately crawls around and gets into your bag. “Hey, hey!”

You take a pencil away from him, causing him to huff in protest. His disappointment doesn’t last long as he speedily crawls away towards your shoes. Lately, Noa is deciding that your shoes are priceless entertainment. 

 The Sports Festival is coming up and the hero course is busier than ever and bursting with excitement. This is the first one since the wars. They canceled last year for obvious reasons and there was a debate if they should continue them at all. The majority vote went to the tradition continuing.

Izuku has been tough to get a hold of which sucks because Noa does not like that. He needs his buddy, apparently. You decide to text him. 

“Does this seem okay? ‘Hi, Izuku. I would like to hang out with you again sometime soon. It’s okay if you don’t want to.’”

Noa just looks up at you. “Yeah, sounds very,” You struggle to come up with a word. Noa seems to get it quicker than you do with his, “Ba.”

“Stiff. Yep, that’s the word.” You type some more with Noa crawling onto your lap looking down at the screen. “How about this? ‘Do you want to hang out sometime?’ ”

 Noa hums then blows a bubble. “You’re right, that’s fine.” You hit send with your face warm. You whisper, “I just asked out a boy. Oh my God.” 

Izuku has been around you a lot but you’ve never asked him out. No, you still didn’t! This isn’t a romantic thing. It’s about Noa and his attachment to him! It’s not like it’s a date. When he took you out to eat at the restaurant it wasn’t a date either since Noa got an ear infection, so it was cut short.

  You smack your forehead repeatedly. “Stupid teenage hormones!” That has to be it.

Your phone vibrates in your hand. Noa touches the phone, his drool getting on the screen. You wipe it off and read what Izuku sent you.

I’d love to! How about Friday?

Stupid teenage hormones. The phone vibrates again. 

Will you cheer me on during the festival?

You answer, Noa and I both will.

You didn’t originally want to go but now you’re a little excited to watch. Stupid teenage hormones.

_______

Izuku invites you to watch him train instead of going out to what was not a romantic outing. You go, not really knowing what to expect. Him doing pushups or something? That’s wiped out when you open the heavy metal door and enter the large room. 

You didn't realize when he said train, he meant train. The students of Class A soar through the air. Flames and rocks fly around as debris crushes buildings. Suddenly, you spot familiar green hair in the air with his leg ready. He isn't wearing his suit yet still displays great power. You don't know the name of who is coming at him but one kick from Izuku sends the guy down after hearing a crunch from his body. 

Of course, your doll son is entertained and kicks his own legs. He reaches his hands out and squeals when Izuku comes down to land on the cliff, making it crack underneath him. You don't know how he's able to do it, thick thighs or not. He turns his head when he hears a baby’s laugh. “(Y/n)-ah, Noa!” He jumps down and runs to you.

Noa’s back is against your chest and your arm underneath his legs. Izuku sees this. “Uh, here, like this.”

He readjusts to set him on your hip. You glare at him. “He was fine.”

After sighing at his picking, you say, “You were pretty amazing.” From what you saw, at least. “It’s unfortunate you hang out with trash, though.”

“(Y/n).” He says with a pointed stare. Noa reaches for him with a big smile on his face. Izuku grabs and holds him. Izuku gives Noa a big kiss. “I missed you! Didn’t think you’d remember me, honestly.”

“You talked to him all the time.”

“Not as much as I should, though. Sorry about that, Noa.” Noa presses his face against Izuku’s chest. It’s a sweet scene. There’s no way Kaibara would do this. He barely participated with the report, and he didn’t even look at Noa.

Izuku gasps, knocking you out of your thoughts. He cheers and even congratulates your doll son for growing in length. And if you were crazy, you’d swear his eyes got a little rounder and his face shape, although still adorned with chubby cheeks, doesn’t match you or Kaibara’s. They’re Izuku’s. Noa has your eye color and nose, what may be your lips and Izuku’s chin. Does he see it or are you crazy? 

Before he can say anything, the electric guy comes up. “I didn't know you were doing it! He’s so cute!” The blond pokes Noa’s cheek. Looking at him you are reminded of Jule. He’s doing alright now but he still struggles. When this first started, you remember he had thrown up because of the stress. His partner, the electric guy, wasn't and isn't helping. Your tongue is loose on its own accord. “You know who else is cute?”

He raises a brow and tries, keyword tries, to act suave. “Certainly you. My name is Denki Kaminari-”

“Your child. You’d know that if any of you actually did something. Do you even know the name? How about your partner’s?” 

The class became quiet. Kaminari’s eyes waver a bit. A person stops their quirk in the middle of using it. You can't stand them. Them breathing the same air as you makes you sick. “Wanting to be a hero yet can’t take responsibility after pushing your grade us-no, hey!” Izuku tries to usher you out. You continue your rant about Kaminari's lack of effort in the project.

"Your partner's name is-stop it! Hey!"

Izuku carries Noa in one hand and you in the other. He doesn't say anything. Aizawa follows and calls Snipe who is groaning. Izuku manages to take you out of the training room and into a hall around the corner. His silence and tension bother you.

Are you going to apologize? Hell no.

Snipe comes at you at a fast pace. Izuku has yet to let you go. “(Y/n) (L/n), in here. Now.”

You snatch Noa and go inside the empty room right behind you. Snipe points his finger at you. “This is it. I have had it with your disrespectful, insubordinate, attitude. Look, I understand you’re angry. Everyone has been there. (Y/n), you can’t take your wrath out on everyone else.”

“Then who? Who can I take it out on? This is all unfair. So tell me, when and how can I be angry while they can sleep at night with no remorse? With no burden?”

“They have them. They’re just more mature than you.”

“They’re old. You have put this on young people. They, you, have been disrespectful. Everyone kisses your ass while the people whose hearts you swore to protect get crushed constantly. Tell me,” Your voice shakes. “How does this project help us? Not them. But us? Because they're out there living their best life while we are the ones to suffer for what seems like nothing.”

  Snipe says nothing. “All I did was bring it up. Why is that so wrong?”

 He takes off his mask for the first time. “It’s teaching both of you. They’ve grown up in a way you didn't, and will not, have to. You have faced the effects of war which you shouldn’t have in ways they never faced. Now it is time to raise you both in a way that prevents that. An opportunity to bond and grow together.”

  You rub your eyes. “Answer me! How can I take out my anger then while they get off of everything ? We apparently have a test today-”

“Which you are missing!”

  “So bent on them. Damn, man! When are you going to start being a hero?”

“I am-”

“Being our hero? I’m tired, Snipe. I’m sick of getting in trouble for nothing and I didn’t even get to study for this dumb test. Did any of us? Bet they did!” You point to the door. You immediately left and pushed Aizawa away from you since he was in the way.

You’re sitting on the bench outside of the school with your head in your hands. The breeze slightly cools your face.  

Desperately, you want to excel. In this project, life, and this school. You want to be a good student and person. You’re so tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Everything is so heavy. Noa’s sleeping better, just not enough. He’s easier to handle to an extent. Not to the point where you can go to class and do your work. Yeah, you skipped. What’s the point of going, though? Snipe yells at you when he’s too loud and everyone glares at you when it starts a chain reaction. 

  You can’t focus. You can’t sleep. You try to work hard in school and work harder at the restaurant. How can you get rest when you don't have time to?

 The scholarship covers the tuition, the dorm, and Recovery Girl's and Lunch Rush services. And with Lunch Rush you have a limited amount, just like a public school. If you go over, you have to pay. And what about everything else you need? Add all of that with Noa's expenses, you're drained. Plus, if anything happens to him, no doubt would that come out of your pocket.

Caring for Noa is exhausting. He's a good kid, totally! You also have experience with children. You've babysat before. However, taking care of a child on your own is very different, especially when the father disregards you and hurts you. The hero students don’t have to worry about this. Seeing them living and laughing just makes you so angry. 

  Your body feels so heavy. The salty water slides down your face and onto the sidewalk. Your nose runs embarrassingly as you sway from the weight. Noa coughs and sniffles. It snaps you up and grab him. “Hey, little man.”

  You try to rub your face. He doesn’t understand, he’s a doll which causes an ache in your chest. This has gone on too long. He feels so real. And you are crying too much, feeling way too much. Seeing the future heroes happy and content just hurt you so, so, much. Snipe, your teacher, is hurting you too. It's stupid, right? You know what to expect from heroes by now.

  Feeling the chill again, you decide to get up to bring him inside. Can he catch a cold? Suddenly, a hand touches your back. You jump and face them. Izuku stands there without an expression. You’re so tired. You don’t have the energy to say something snappy if need be.

Instead of going for it, he hugs you, being careful with Noa. The doll baby snuggles up to him. Izuku places his hand on the back of your head holding you close. You don’t know him well enough to be like this. You let it happen anyway. He’s warm and smells good despite his training about an hour ago. 

 “It’s going to be okay, (Y/n).” Your lips wobble. You're sick of that. “I know we don't know each other very well but I thought you’d need it.” 

He speaks again. “Snipe said you made a point and are letting all of you redo the test. I guess not everyone got to study,”

Is that supposed to make you feel better? It took for you to run out here and cry for him to notice he is doing all of you wrong? It’s humiliating and dramatic, isn’t it? There are literally people dying and here you are crying and making your teacher feel bad.

“So, I’ll help you, okay? Tonight, we can have dinner in the commons and do it together.” He rubs your back. This is so embarrassing. You want to scream at him, kick him, anything. You want to burn this school down with the heroes in it. Maybe even the dolls, too.

Izuku declares, “I’m right here.” Like it’s the most natural thing to him. Right then, Noa's tummy dings to show he is one years old. You hate how his first year is seeing you cry.

---

Tag:

@js-favnanadoongi

[mammoth-clangen]

Itty bitty reference of everyone bc i am Tired of colourpicking from the previous page (and bc everyone has some semblance of consistent design now XD )

I drew this between posting Moon 3 (part 2 and 3) so sorry for the lack of Small Boi, he will be added when i get time + when he has a name revealed!

Fun notes!

- Poppy's short tail and Dart's nub-butt are both caused by the manx gene, Dart just has a higher expression! (it's dominant so Pine doesn't have it at all)

- Burnet and Quiver have the exact same eye colour and very close skin tone

- Pine's mullet will get bigger as he grows but it's important to note even as a baby bc i think it's funni

- Poppy looks like a unit but is mostly fluff, Burnet is actually stocky

- age can be at least partially determined by how yellow someone's teeth are lmao

- Quiver's angry eyes started as a joke but stuck around bc it's fun to draw

- Pounce (and Lilac to an extent) is the only character with dark brown pads bc of a silly headcannon I have regarding fully white characters being polar adapted, most characters will continue to have pinkish red ones! (except new lil guy bc he has melanism)

- I like to imagine Burnet isn't piebald but actually has a somatic cell mutation similar to bloodmark horses. Why? idk, i think it's fun, and also genuine piebaldism comes with health issues

- everyone has different ear tufts bc i think that's cute cx

- Lilac is tall

has ANYONE noticed the sclera thing yet? No? ok

[recareels]

gmorning Clari!!! 💘 I’m not sure you’ve done it before, but I’d loooove to know what type of yanderes you’d classify your genshin faves as 😘

ANDYYYY i am so sorry i am responding a few days late to this and that’s because i accidentally wrote you a whole novel for an answer :) your ask sparked so many thoughts and i just BLAAAH spewed them all over the page (*ﾉωﾉ) ugh ahahaha ANYWAY oh gosh okay i have so much to say, let’s get into it!!! also apologies for how MASSIVE ajax’s is waaaah

characters: wriothesley, ajax [childe], kamisato ayato, thoma warnings: 18+ minors do not interact, yandere behaviour (gaslighting, obsessiveness, toxic relationships, delusional thinking, manipulation, over-protectiveness, etc) words: 2.1k

₊˚⊹ 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐲

WRIOTHESLEY is the controlling, authoritarian type that feels like a really strict father, all under the guise of ‘protecting you’ and ‘keeping you safe’. he veers into delusional territory a little here because he genuinely believes what he’s telling you (and himself) and genuinely believes himself to be doing the right thing. he isn’t possessive, he just wants to make sure you’re going out with safe people. he isn’t obsessive, he just wants to know where you are at all times in case an emergency strikes and he has to come find you. he isn’t overbearing, he just cares and is proactive—don’t you want him to care? can’t you see he’s only this ‘protective’ because he loves you? 

he has thoroughly convinced himself that this behaviour has nothing to do with jealousy or a desire to keep you locked up, to keep you 100% certainly safe and his forever, and nothing to do with wanting to exert complete control over you, orchestrating your every decision—and he’s pretty good at continuously deluding himself into believing it. he’s so good, in fact, and his logic is so sound, that it has YOU wondering if you’re ‘just being crazy’, if you’re overthinking things or reading too much into them. wriothesley has had a lot taken away from him, after all, and he knows exactly how the mind of criminals tick—can you really blame him for being a bit paranoid? maybe you’re the one who’s overreacting and being unreasonable. maybe you’re even feeling a little guilty for being so ungrateful—shouldn’t you appreciate having someone who loves and cares for you this much to go to such extents? shouldn’t you want to relinquish all power to someone you love equally as much? shouldn’t you trust him to make only the best, most sound and appropriate decisions for you? you probably should. 

₊˚⊹ 𝐚𝐣𝐚𝐱

AJAX is kind of like, the typical yandere, and he encompasses several ‘types’, evolving throughout the course of your relationship and shapeshifting into different variants depending on the situation itself. and while the other three men seem normal until you’re in too deep with them, refraining from showing symptoms of yandere-ness until after you’ve been with them for an extended period of time and mean a lot to them, ajax is weird from the very beginning. 

almost immediately you can sense that there’s something slightly off about him, but you can’t put your finger on what it is. it’s so subtle that it doesn’t strike you as particularly dangerous, leading you to merely write it off as one of his quirks and nothing more. 

he’s overbearing right from the start, of course; not necessarily enough to be concerning just yet, but enough for it to be abnormal—unusual—and noticeable (which reminds me of your lil ajax piece!!!). from the instant he sees you, he is irreversibly obsessed with you. you permeate his every waking thought, and eventually begin to leak into his dreams, too, and suddenly he can barely breathe without knowing where you are and what you’re doing, his concentration consumed by you. 

he begins stalking you—‘overseeing’, he had called it—making detailed notes of your favourite locations and your most frequented friends. he’s constantly got an eye on you one way or another, even if he has to employ other people to do it for him, discreetly reporting their findings every few hours. he tells them you’re in danger—which, you are, technically—and that you must be observed at all times from afar, silently and stealthily. 

ajax is patient and he can play the waiting game, carefully devising and then revising his strategy based on your moves. he loves playing predator and prey, gets a thrill from how the hunt unfolds—much like a battle, it’s a story, a rich tapestry you and he are constantly and concurrently creating, together. and that he thinks is so beautiful.

in textbook yandere fashion, once he’s gathered a sufficient amount of intel, he begins ‘showing up’ randomly at your usual spots, ‘bumping into you’ fortuitously. charming and sweet, the only thing that’s initially unsettling is just how well the two of you get along. ajax is sure not to mimic you too much—he doesn’t want to be a mirror, after all, and being too similar is far from a good thing (especially when it matches so well it simply can’t be coincidental).

well—that, and the sharp glint in his eye that flares with something dangerous every time you giggle or gush, every time you fall further for him. and once he has you enchanted, ensnared, you’re trapped for life, tangled up in him so tightly that he might as well have fused to your flesh. 

ajax likes to tell you it isn’t about power and control, but he knows that it is. he’s smart, and he’s self aware, and he doesn’t really care if this is ‘wrong’—he sees it as necessary and he genuinely believes he knows better than you do. he has to take care of you, or else who will? you’re clearly not capable of satisfactorily doing it on your own, so he must (god, how would you manage without him?). even if you oppose him or fight back against him, he’s purely convinced you’re bull-headed and stubborn, snorting at your wanting to be independent when he truly knows you’re too stupid take care of yourself ‘properly’ all on your own.

violence is a mainstay of your relationship, but not towards you; never towards you—merely towards everyone around you. his jealousy knows no bounds, but you will rarely see it outright. instead, ajax prefers to hone his emotions, to fashion them into a weapon or use them as fuel to thoroughly tear apart anyone who looks your way in a manner he doesn’t like. it’s his job as your lover and keeper, isn’t it? 

₊˚⊹ 𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐭𝐨

AYATO knows what he is, and he doesn’t care. why should he, when he’s sure what he’s doing is ultimately correct and he’s used to having everything that he wants, and everything going his way, even if he has to force/manipulate it to? he’s so skilled at that in particular—manipulating situations and events to procure favourable outcomes for himself. in ayato’s mind, you should be grateful that he affords you so many freedoms—he could lock you away in the basement or a padded room, chain you to a bed with no entertainment or stimulation save for the books he has so conscientiously selected for you, and no other human contact aside from himself. but he trusts you, and he doesn’t want to go to those measures (though rest assured, he has promised you he will not hesitate to reach such heights if he deems it absolutely necessary, no matter how much he doesn’t want to; you staying his comes before his personal preferences and pleasures). as such, he allows you to roam the estate grounds under the watchful eye of his closest confidants and most capable guards (usually thoma, unless he is otherwise occupied and busy); he allows you access to letter writing materials (though they must go through two rounds of supervision and revisions before they are approved; once by thoma, and once by ayato himself); he allows you to go out in public as long as you are with him, etc. 

despite these apparent freedoms he affords you, he still picks your outfits out for you each day, and he devises a comprehensive meal plan for you each week, and creates schedules and rules he expects you to follow, thoroughly and meticulously to the letter. it is these subtle forms of ownership that he enjoys the most. he doesn’t feel the need to shout from the mountaintops, loudly and aggressively, that you are his, because the fact is so obvious, so evident, the second anyone merely glances at you. you walk like him, you talk like him, you sit, stand, and bow like him, just like he trained you to. 

ayato is also the type of yandere to punish you. he is molding your pretty little mind into exactly what he wants it to be, and that means that undesirable behaviours must be immediately and severely corrected through appropriate punishments—you must learn, or be taught what is right and what is wrong in ayato terms + definitions, so you will refrain from repeating such behaviour in the future. he is truly crafting you into the most perfect, precious, obedient little doll—and having a blast while doing so. it’s his little pet passion project, in a way; something he looks forward to working on when he has a moment of spare time. 

ayato was sly and clever with the way he initially enticed you, entrapped you, but underneath his cool, precisely chiseled exterior, ayato is selfish, manipulative, and extremely controlling. all decisions are ultimately made by and go through him. he will skillfully and carefully cut you off from all lifelines and communication, rendering you wholly dependent on him, and then will meticulously chip away at your mind until he sculpts it into exactly what he desires—someone who is as obsessed with him as he is with them. he slowly, stealthily, and steadily induces a severe, irreversible case of stockholm syndrome. the damage he does to your mind is permanent—and that’s exactly his goal. you now live for him. your days are marked by his appearances, his comings and goings, and the only thing you have to look forward to is seeing + spending time with him. you live to please him, live to be with him, and become absorbed by him, so you are merely an extension of him and no longer an individual yourself. everything revolves around ayato—he is your entire universe. 

₊˚⊹ 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐚

THOMA is the most dangerous type of yandere, because thoma is genuine. thoma’s feelings are 100% authentic—and he earnestly intends to bring you no harm whatsoever—they’re just way too intense. he loves you so much that it veers into insanity, and the passion he feels towards you (and towards keeping you safe + claiming you as his) is so fierce that it physically hurts him to experience, chest blistering with scorching adoration and razored affection, something so dense and so all-consuming that thoma wants to claw through his own flesh and pry his ribcage apart spoke by spoke just so he can experience a shred of relief. 

thoma is, for the most part, an honest guy—starkly, brashly honest, so honest it shatters his words and gnaws at his voice, leaving it rough and raw, splintered to shards; but you can always trust he says exactly what he means. he severely lacks self awareness, not even realizing that his behaviour is inappropriate and extreme (he just cares about you SO much! it blinds his rationale and erodes his logic, incapacitating his ability to understand that he’s so suffocating it borders on terrifying). 

but what makes thoma so incredibly perilous is his sincerity. he truly just wants to keep you safe, eyes brimming with tears and voice hitching on barely contained emotion as he thoroughly explains to you his logic for stashing tracking devices in your bags or his reasoning for shattering the kneecaps of the man who made you uncomfortable at work, sentiment thick in his throat, words straining with the weight of his honesty, with the desperation for you to understand, to see it his way. he swears to the high heavens that he’d never hurt a single hair on your pretty, precious little head, and promises that he doesn’t want to scare you, but firmly asserts that he will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. 

and he means it. thoma is, in the most essential sense, your guard dog. he’s so sweet towards you, even submissive at times, always subservient to your every wish and whim, your every demand and desire, but he’ll fucking rip anyone within a meter of you to pieces with his teeth and bare hands alone if he feels as though you are being threatened in any way—and his standards and definition of ‘threatened’ are extreme and absurd, of course, causing him to react in a way that is severely disproportionate to the situation.

it borders on too much all the time—he is too obsessive, too protective, too clingy, but he’s also so sweet, so gentle, so incredibly bonafide that you can’t help but not be upset with him. he only does what he does because you’re his entire world, right? what’s so harmful about that? 

[ink-the-artist]

I love your artwork so much! Your colors are so vibrant and none of the white speckles in the paper ever shows, its so impressive and I really dig it! I was wondering if you use any sort of blending medium? Like baby oil or anything? Either way, I really enjoy looking at your artwork and I'm always excited to see whatever you'll make next

I use a colorless blender (prismacolor, which is wax-based so baby oil probably wouldnt work) but my scanner is also rly bad about picking up white specks in a way photographing the art with my phone isnt, so I usually have to do some digital editing to get rid of them as well.

I do this by duplicating the layer, setting the one on top to "darken," and using the mixer brush to blend out the white spots + just use the eyedropper tool to select the color of that area (needs to be a slightly lighter shade of it) and color over the white spots with the brush tool

i edited a small bit of the original scan to show what i mean

original:

with the edited layer:

heres how it looks set to normal instead of darken, I used both the mixing brush and regular brush just to demo it

[deaddove]

slow cooking a lighthearted modern au where esen and baoxiang are pining after their friends ouyang and ma, respectively. but due to a ~wacky misunderstanding~ (read: chronic heteronormativity) they think ouyang and ma are dating each other—obviously that’s why ouyang is always going over to her place, right?

esen is in denial about his feelings and extremely supportive of ouyang’s relationship (he avoids talking about it or thinking about it—out of respect to ouyang’s privacy ofc). baoxiang thinks ouyang is in denial about his own sexuality and using ma (he has formulated a 12-step plan to Remove Ouyang that he will enact When The Time Comes).

then one day: baoxiang and ma are hanging out (spa day), esen and ouyang are also hanging out (sporting event(?)) and they all decide to meet up at that new restaurant afterwards. as they arrive, ma and ouyang are texting, they tell baoxiang and esen “hey my partner got us a table.” so baoxiang and esen follow them to the table expecting to see the other couple already seated there. but it’s just zhu.

(they both have met zhu—they thought she was just ma’s roommate. in reality she’s ma’s fiancée and ouyang’s queerplatonic d/s situationship.) (they also realize neither of them has ever actually seen ma and ouyang interact for an extended period of time. it becomes immediately apparent that ma dislikes ouyang and ouyang doesn’t even know her name.)

[boxfullaturtles]

IT'S FALL NOW

have some TMNT prompt lists just for funsies

i like making lists

i mean i guess you don't have to use them for TMNT, but i was thinking of TMNT when i was making them up

any iteration, any au, write, draw, make collages, go wild, have fun, do whatever you want! the whole point is to enjoy yourself! interpret the prompts however you want! it's all for fun and creativity!

written out lists can be found at this link (i also have a ton of other prompts over here)

[puppyeared]

i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim

[breathe-2am]

Tag list :-)

I like making stuff and would love to have a cool little tag list bc there's so many cool people in this fandom who make so many cool things and i want to b one of them :-P

Expect art, edits, video stuff, animations, maybe gifs? I like doing a bunch of different things haha

So if u want to b tagged if i post something pls interact w this! Or just dm me i don't bite (unless u ask ect ect)

[yuanwang]

“rarely follow first” in my rules applies after i’ve found every dr.agon a.ge blog btw..

[komodocomics]

My furry masterlist sorry

Pretty much all of these contain something animal or furry related

Name (special stuff to mention) √= I've looked at it

Links + text version of list (very long)

I GET ISSUES WITH TUMBLR IF I ADD MORE LINKS SO SORRY UR ON UR OWN NOW

Cmyk coloredcreature √ runaway workshop √ waggery costumes √ citymutt √ fuzzbutt fursuits √ schneepardicreations.com √ blacksticky √ casual Friday fursuits (no more commissions:( ) deep space dogs √ foxfire fantasy √ freak of nature studios √ freckled cat creations (kigurumis)√ kabber creations √ kigurumiagetsu √ kitscove √ mugiwara's creative corner √ missmonster √ murkymarten √ pawaii fursuits √ skyehighstudios √ the phoenix nest √ wearcat creations √ whizmi creations (really like the yellow dog suit) √ wolf factory √ anyabozartist.com (art dolls not fursuit) √ neffertity √ battitudestudio.com √ beautyofthebass √ bigsnootsuits √ bodozo.com √ colorful creatures (bases) √ cosmellcosplay √ curl works(kigurumi ) √ drowsyseal √ verityscamander (etsy furry badge) √ lobitoworks (etsy various) √ chasingtailsworkshop (etsy tails) √ gatorwave (fur color picker) √ koshka fursuits √ bazteki.com √ (art) F-class merch √ (neon lights) creep cat √ (plushies) fursona pins √ (pins + accessories) howl out √ (clothing + accessories) weasel gear √ (clothing) midnight makers (new maker) √ wolfberrycrafts (statues and action figures) √ midnightstudiosfx (horror masks) √ Pumpkinpulp (horror advise against looking at ones marked horror if u can't handle) √ chaosfx (horror) √ Immortal masks (horror and tons of masks) √ Made fur you (may have drama but couldn't find proof) √ multicolorbark √ neonslushie (fursuit info not a maker but has accessories) √ sleepy stag suits √ spiritpanda costumes (adoptables) √ star fursuits √ Twilight knights cosplay (adopts,accessories and a fur line @canfur.ca at website) √ twinky arts (good lizard maker) √ vaporwag studios √ wormsandbones.com (art dolls) √ Freakhound studios (wolf plushies and fursuits) √ Clockworkcreature √ Melissa mendelson art √ Mixedcandy √ becominggodzilla (fan thing with how tos for Godzilla costumes) √ planetary dog toys (only action figure pieces) √ sketchbuck (cool ref image style) √ maiafischerwalter.com (artdolls) √ cults3d (3d printing website Has furry bases) √ bark's bog (plushies no comms) √ Homemadehorrors (artdolls) √ Wormandbones (artdolls) √

If anyone makes a reblog of the rest of the links thank you

[daiwild]

hihi wild!! you have singlehandedly put me on michie. i am so incredibly thankful. i am humbly asking if you have any fic recs 🤲

i am,,,,craving,,,..,

that is all!! your art is so beautiful sob

(also it’s wild right, not dai?)

It is wild!!!! also thank you!! also michie pipeline!!

the easy way out < oh my god ive read this one like 4 times (im so normal)

Nerdy prudes...can thrive? < only one chapter, mild hint at michie, but its just really funny and its the first npmd fic i read

but right now it's soley mine (today!) < RUTHANIE MICHIE SHARED BRAIN CELL DUMBASSES

Nerdy prudes must dye! < hologear centric but its cute

Something about high school < your honor they used to be friends

[acourtofquestions]

Kingdom of Ash Chapter 59

Chapter; Highlights

His ears still rang with the din of battle, his breath a rasping beat echoed by Aelin.

Atop the blood-slick battlements, their allies and companions around them, Rowan wordlessly passed Aelin the waterskin. She drank deeply, then handed it to Fenrys.

An unleashing and release. That's what the battle had been for his mate.

Hasar at last looked Aelin over. "I heard you put on a show today."

Rowan braced himself.

Aelin turned from the battlefield and inclined her head. "You look as if you did, too." Indeed, Hasar's ornate armor was splattered with black blood. She'd been in the thick of it, atop her Muniqi horse, and had ridden right up to the gates. But the princess made no further comment.

Irritation, deep and nearly hidden, flashed in Aelin's eyes. Yet she didn't speak again-didn't push the princess about their next steps. She just watched the battlefield once more, chewing on her lip.

She'd barely stopped during the battle, halting only when there had been no more Valg left to kill. And in the minutes since the walls had been cleared, she'd remained quiet— distant. As if she was still climbing out of that calm, calculating place she'd descended into while fighting. She hadn't bothered to remove any of her armor. The bronze battle-crown was caked with blood, her hair matted with it.

Chaol's father had taken one look at her armor, at Rowan's, and gone white with rage.

For now. They had bigger things to consider. Things that drove his mate to gnaw on her lip. When Prince Kashin's army might arrive, if they would indeed head northward to Terrasen. If today had been enough to win them over.

"Any nearby are to run here. Those farthest out will have to flee for the forest." Rowan met Aelin's stare. Her hands began shaking.

This cannot end here, she seemed to say.

Panic—panic indeed flared in her eyes. Rowan gripped her trembling hand and squeezed.

But there was no truth or lie that might soothe her. No truth or lie to save the army on the plain.

Something had gone wrong. Something was wrong.

The battlefield stretched into the distance, healers darting amongst the felled bodies with white banners high to indicate their locations. So many. So many dead and wounded. A sea of them.

Elide reached Chaol's side just as Nesryn Faliq leaped atop her beautiful ruk, launching into a dive for the army below. No-the other ruks.

Elide laid a hand on Lord Chaol's shoulder, drawing his attention from where he watched Nesryn fly off. Blood-splattered, but his bronze eyes were clear. And full of terror.

Any message that Yrene had given Elide faded from her memory. "What's wrong?"

It was Aelin who answered, her bloodied armor strange and ancient. A vision of old. "The dam is going to break," the queen said hoarsely. "And wipe away anyone on the plain."

Oh gods. Oh gods.

Elide glanced between them, and knew the answer to her next question: What can be done?

Nothing.

Ruks took to the skies, flapping toward them, soldiers in their talons and clinging to their backs.

"Has anyone warned the healers?" Elide pointed to the white banners waving so far out into the plain. "The Healer on High?" Hafiza was down there, Yrene had said.

Silence. Then Prince Sartaq swore in his own tongue, and sprinted for his golden ruk. He was spearing for the battlefield within seconds, his shouts ringing out. Kadara dipped every few moments, and when she rose again, another small figure was in her talons. Healers. Grabbing as many of them as he could.

Elide whirled to her companions as soldiers began running for the keep, trampling corpse and injured alike. Orders went out in the language of the southern continent, and more soldiers on the battlefield leaped into action.

"What elsewhat else can we do?" Elide demanded. Aelin and Rowan only stared toward the battlefield, watching with Fenrys and Gavriel as the ruks raced to save as many as they could. Behind them, Princess Hasar paced, and Chaol and his father murmured about where they might fit everyone in the keep. Those who survived.

Elide looked at them again. Looked at all of them.

And then asked quietly, "Where is Lorcan?" None of them turned. Elide asked, louder, "Where is Lorcan?" Gavriel's tawny eyes scanned hers, confusion dancing there. "He ... he went out onto the battlefield during the fighting. I saw him just before the khagan's troops reached him."

"Where is he?" Elide's voice broke. Fenrys faced her now. Then Rowan and Aelin. Elide begged, voice breaking, "Where is Lorcan?" From their stunned silence, she knew they hadn't so much as wondered.

Elide whirled to the battlefield. To that endless stretch of fallen bodies. Soldiers fleeing. Many of the wounded being abandoned where they lay. So many bodies. So, so many soldiers down there.

"Where." No one answered. Elide pointed toward the battlefield and snarled at Gavriel, "Where did you see him join with the khagan's forces?"

"Nearly on the other side of the field," Gavriel answered, voice strained, and pointed across the plain. "I—I didn't see him after that."

"Shit," Fenrys breathed.

Rowan said to him, "Use your magic. Jump to the field, find him, and bring him back."

Relief crumpled Elide's chest.

Until Fenrys said, "I can't."

"You didn't use it once during the battle," Rowan challenged. "You should be fully primed to do it."

Fenrys blanched beneath the blood on his face, and cast pleading eyes to Elide. "I can't."

Silence fell on the battlements.

Then Rowan growled, "You won't." He pointed with a bloody finger to the battlefield.

"You'd let him die, and for what? Aelin forgave him." His tattoo scrunched as he snarled again.

"Save him."

Fenrys swallowed. But Aelin said, "Leave it, Rowan." Rowan snarled at her too. She snarled right back. "Leave it."

Some unspoken conversation passed between them, and the hope flaring in Elide's chest went out as Rowan backed down. Gave Fenrys an apologetic nod. Fenrys, looking like he was going to be sick, just faced the battlefield again.

Elide backed away a step. Then another.

Lorcan couldn't be dead.

She would know if he were dead. She would know it, in her heart, her soul, if he were gone.

He was down there. He was down there, in that army, perhaps injured and bleeding out — No one stopped her as Elide raced inside the keep. Each step limped, pain cracking through her leg, but she didn't falter as she hit the interior stairwell and plunged into the chaos.

She had made him a promise.

She had sworn him an oath, all those months ago.

I will always find you.

Soldiers and healers fled up the stairs, shoving past Elide. The shouting was near-deafening, bouncing off the ancient stones. She battled her way down, sobbing through her teeth.

I will always find you.

Pushing, elbowing, bellowing at the frantic people who ran past her, Elide fought for each step downward. Toward the gates.

People screamed, a never-ending flood surging up the stairs. Still Elide pushed her way down, losing a step here, another there. They did not even look at her, even try to clear a way as they flowed upward. It was only when Elide lost another step that she roared into the stairwell, "Clear a path for the queen!"

No one listened, so she did it again. She filled her voice with command, with every ounce of power that she'd seen the Fae males use to intimidate their opponents. "Clear a path for the queen!"

This time, people pressed against the walls.

Elide took the small opening, and screamed her order again and again, ankle barking with every step down.

But she made it. Made it to the chaotic lower level, to the open gates teeming with soldiers. Beyond them, bodies stretched into the horizon. Warriors and healers and those bearing the wounded rushed toward any stairwell they could find.

Elide managed all of five limping steps toward the open gate before she knew it would be impossible. To cross the field, to find him on the endless plain, before that dam burst and he was swept away. Before he was gone forever.

He was not dead.

He was not dead.

I will always find you.

Elide scanned the gates, the skies for any sign of a ruk that might carry her. But they soared to the upper levels, crawling with soldiers and healers, some even depositing their charges onto the mountain face itself. And at ground level, none would hear her cries for help.

No soldiers would stop, either.

Elide scanned the other end of the gates' entryway.

Beheld the horses being led out from their stables by frantic handlers, the beasts bucking at the panic around them as they were hauled toward the teeming ramps.

A black mare reared, her cry a sharp warning before she slashed her hooves at the handler. Lord Chaol's horse. The handler shrieked and fell back, barely grasping the reins as the horse stomped, her ears flat to her head.

Elide did not think. Did not reconsider. She limped for the horses and the stables.

She said to the frantic handler, still backing away from the half-wild horse, "I'll get her." The man, white-faced, threw her the reins.

"Good luck." Then he, too, ran.

The mare Farasha-yanked so hard on the reins that Elide was nearly hurled across the stones. But she planted her feet, leg screaming, and said to the horse, "I have need of you, fierce-heart." She met Farasha's dark, raging eyes. "I have need of you." Her voice broke.

"Please."

And gods above, that horse stilled. Blinked.

Horses and handlers streamed past them, but Elide held firm. Waited until Farasha lowered her head, as if in permission.

The stirrups were low enough thanks to Lord Chaol's long legs that Elide could reach them. She still bit down on her shout as her weight settled on her bad ankle, as she pushed, and heaved herself into Farasha's fine saddle. A small mercy, that they had not even had time to unsaddle the horses after battle. A set of what seemed to be braces hung from its sides, surely to keep Lord Chaol stabilized, and Elide unhooked them. Any weight, anything to slow her, had to be discarded.

Elide gathered the reins. "To the battlefield, Farasha."

With a whinnying cry, Farasha plunged into the fray.

Soldiers leaped from their path, and Elide did not stop to apologize, did not stop for anyone, as she and the black mare charged toward the gates. Then through them.

And onto the plain.

[sturnslesbo]

postin some bff!chris hcs laterzzzz :P

[sanitizarium]

haiiii o/ i meant to do my meet the artist actual months ago when i hit 1.5k but i forgot <3 anyways. me :]

[cream-and-tea]

i love love looooove doing whatever tf i want with structure in lay me down BEYOND belief. have just decided that chapter eleven is basically a romcom montage except it’s set in the evil apocalypse library and also there’s no romance and it also uhhhhhhh makes me want to cry ❤️

[batsplat]

deeply compelled by this photo