#Is it weird that I have like four people’s numbers from a school that I’ve been going to for almost a year?

[crimson--freak]

trying to get someone’s number in order to talk to them about a small revelation about a podcast I had but I have to get their number off someone I haven’t texted since christmas day last year and I’m not sure if it’s worth it

[lee-the-yeen]

I’m yelling into the void a bit more about Don’t Starve, don’t mind me. Specifically about Wilson, his medical know-how, his weird relationship with death, and the origin of his Forbidden Knowledge.

Let’s start with the easy one, Wilson being medically trained.

To start, Wilson’s quote for the Peg Leg.

Then in the Forge, Wilson’s special ability is to revive his teammates twice as fast with more health.

Wilson’s Victorian Skin is an old-timey doctor, even mentioning the four humors (even if that practice was far outdated by the Victorian Era).

I remember once seeing a quote about Wilson getting kicked out of a school for setting something on fire, but take that with a grain of salt because I am struggling to find it.

Now onto Wilson’s weirdness with death of his fellow man.

It’s clear the Constant has left him quite jaded with death as a concept, which is very fair.

But you cannot tell me that a man with a normal view of death would find a skeleton under the floorboards of his new house and just…put the boards back. Or hell, that skeleton is very likely to be the one we see strung up in Wilson’s lab in the very first short!

There’s also Wilson’s quote for Skeletons from Don’t Starve classic:

As well as his disregard for the sanctity of graves.

So yeah. He isn’t normal about human death, just like how he isn’t exactly normal about science.

Wilson is confirmed to be the creator of several items that everyone is able to craft and use.

Obviously the Meat Effigy, but it doesn’t stop there.

Maxwell isn’t particularly enthused about the Think Tank:

The Fire Pump is bemoaned to be his:

The Booster Shot is another item he’s very likely to have made, seeing as he’s the only one truly enthusiastic about it. Further connects him to his medical know-how, as well.

From the Survival Tips, Wilson is also very likely to be the one to have made the first Telltale Heart.

Revive: “We nearly lost one of our numbers today. In a mad daze I created…something…that managed to pull our friend back to the land of the living, but…whatever it was, I fear I cannot rightfully say it was within the realm of science…” -W

Gardeneer: “I’ve finally perfected my design for an ingenious (if I do say so myself) device that stores important garden-based knowledge. Certain naysayers might point out that it looks like nothing more than an overturned flowerpot worn on the head…some people simply don’t have an eye for science.” -W

The tips are (almost) all signed with a W, but it’s clear who wrote these ones, especially since Wilson wore the Gardeneer hat during the Reap What You Sow trailer.

That hat leads me to my next point. It is something that Wilson made, he invented it.

Then tell me why you are able to upgrade it at the Ancient Pseudoscience Station, when literally everything else you can do at it is craft fully ancient artifacts?

And doesn’t the storage of knowledge sound eerily familiar? Such as…

Whatever depths Maxwell snagged Wilson’s Forbidden Knowledge from, it definitively has origins with the Ancients.

Which…

…is quite concerning.

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 56 – Three Parts Dead by Max Gladstone

I consider myself a pretty big fan of Gladstone’s, but until now I’d only ever touched his standalone works – I was previously a bit put off by the length of the Craft Sequence and so never actually tried it. So, thank you to the people who recommended I give it a try anyway! Despite being the first in a series, Three Parts Dead is a perfectly fine self-contained story and not relying on you reading the sequels to finish anything important. While it’s not the best thing of Gladstone’s I’ve read (Last Exit my beloved), it’s not the worst, either.

The book takes place in an industrial fantasy setting about a generation out from the apocalyptic, centuries-long war between the old gods and the ‘deathless kings’ – human sorcerers who had learned to master magic such that they could face them and tear the world apart in the crossfire. Tara, the hero, graduated from basically-Hogwarts entirely because there’s a binding preventing the school from doing bodily harm to its students – the next second they literally threw her out a window at 10,000 feet. The story follows her as she’s hired as a junior associate helping a world-famous lawyer/archmage as she’s hired by the church of Kas Everburning to investigate the sudden and mysterious death of their god. What follows are several hundred pages of convoluted scheming, legal proceedings, forensic accounting, and bloody magical duels and assassinations.

There are a few twists I genuinely didn’t see coming, the plot overall hangs together very well, and the pacing was just about perfect for the kind-of pulpy mystery/adventure story it was. Overall just a great time reading it.

That said, the setting’s probably the main thing to really sell people on this book. It’s just fun, and actually pretty damn original. The basic conceits are that a) magic is real, and b) so is capitalism. Kas Everburning is the beloved god and protector of the city, and also a highly leveraged legal entity loaning power across the globe whose death would catastrophically destabilize the global financial/metaphysical/political system. Mages can fly and raise zombies and enscroll people, but it’s all done in the idiom and with the vocabulary of contract law.

Beyond the basic conceit, Gladstone just clearly delights in layering weirdness on weirdness. Vitally, he does actually have a bit of restraint with the exposition – the book’s full of off-hand comments about different places and institutions that make you (me, anyway) incredibly curious about what the hell their deal is, but the actual explanations are restricted to what’s actually relevant to the plot and what the characters actually need to know. I still really want to know what’s up with King Clock or the Iskari or a half dozen other things, though. So, top-tier worldbuilding.

The themes are not exactly subtle, but I very appreciate that Gladstone lets them mostly remain as worldbuilding subtext and manages to make them feel like they emerge very naturally. I appreciate the slight restraint it takes to let the reader draw their own conclusions about the fact that the city’s police force is so empowered by strength and lack of need for doubt when on the clock that it’s literally addictive, or that one of the main antagonists is a brilliant older academic whose masterwork is a system where his star pupils (including a disproportionate number of attractive young women) are magically networked together to achieve incredible results he can take credit for while their lives and personalities are drained away to nothing. Being able to literalize the subtext a bit is half the fun of secondary wrld fantasy, after all.

Anyway, yes, very fun read. Four stars.

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

Writing anon #1 here with a few questions! As usual please don’t reply if you don’t want to. :)

What kind of character would you suggest writing for? Characters I’m currently interested in or characters I know more about? Perhaps a mix? I’m a little afraid that if I write for the characters I’m currently fixated on I’ll lose interest in them for awhile. For example, I’m currently interested in Daredevil but I know more about the Avengers because I hyperfixated on them in high school.

Where/how do you find inspiration and motivation to write? 

Do you think someone could write a relationship without having experienced it themselves? (Like a romantic relationship) I would assume it would just take a lot of research and editing to make sure it’s fairly realistic. Just like when you writing something else you don’t have experience in (like writing a character being a doctor or barista if you don’t have experience with that.)

Like the second anon I have a lot of trouble with outlining and plots. I usually get an idea I would love to write but have no idea what to do with it. Like how to get to the idea/scene or where to go from it. I really should try actually outlining and taking my time. I also really need to get my brain to understand that drafts are okay and normal. (I struggle with perfectionism, but I’m working on it.)

I realize now how number three might come across. I am an adult not a minor. I just had an extremely sheltered life growing up and have spent the few years I’ve been an adult dealing with a few things that are out of my control. So I haven’t had a romantic relationship of my own, I have read a ton of x reader fanfics and watched a lot of romcoms. And number four isn’t a question. :) Thank you so much in advance!

I'd say write for someone you like, someone you're comfortable with, and if you don't feel like you know enough about them to begin writing then that's easily fixed! rewatch/reread/re-whatever the thing that they're from and pay extra close attention, do it however many times you'd like, take notes. wiki's about the characters can also be super helpful for a ton of those little facts. but at the end of the day, write for whoever you like, whoever will be super fun to write for, whoever will make you excited to write. also you don't have to just choose one or even be stuck if you ever wanna move on, you make up the rules.

inspiration? i find that everywhere. sure, a movie is an easy thing to get my mind hooked on a fantasy, but most of my stories have just come to me in very mundane things. I've leaned into my own life experiences for a lot of sad stories (also used it as a therapeutic tool). there is literally inspiration everywhere, you just gotta open your eyes and see it. that weird tree right outside your window? that could be enough inspiration to begin a whole book. and as for motivation? well, first of all I really enjoy the whole process, so that helps a ton. I'm also autistic and have very good concentration, so I can easily just disappear completely into my wip. I'm also really good at just having it in my routine, sitting down and writing when I have the most energy for it. when I'm working on something very long, that's when it can become harder to keep that flame alive, but I think I've worked out a good rhythm to keep it going and not loose the drive to work on it: first of all, a detailed outline and notes. making a proper routine with it, though also not beating yourself up if it's a bad day and you only reread the last page 50 times, but don't actually write anything new. I also try my best to stay in the world while I work on it. like for when i'm not sitting and actively writing it, then I listen to music that fits the theme or watch movies or shows that have the vibe.

I think that truly depends on the person. some people can and some people can't. I personally don't write about too many subjects I don't have experience in (though still some like for example murder and some of the jobs the characters have, but my imagination can get me far enough to make me comfortable tackling those subjects). so yeah, that's so individual whether someone can do that well or not.

from my understanding of you from the very limited interactions we've had, I'd say that it'll probably continue to be difficult while you're not getting enough sleep for your brain to function properly as well as some other stressful things I could imagine is also going on and perhaps is the cause of the sleep issues. a few things that helps my perfectionism is to say that this draft will only be read by me and no one else, to say that this is only a silly little fanfiction just for the lols and not a fancy leather-bound novel, and also to aim for it simply to be finished and not for it to be perfect. and sometimes when it comes to beginning, you'll just have to jump straight in with the attitude of an imaginative and playful child. also sitting down and being like "okay, I'm not allowed to do anything other then come up with a story. I'm allowed to sit here, look around at my surroundings, and push through the boredom till my brain comes up with a story to entertain me". don't be afraid of slowing down and embracing the stillness, that's always where my best stuff comes from. and plot stuff? that is a huge subject and I'm not sure what advice could be beneficial for you. it's one of those things where learning about it on a technical level can be helpful, but only to get the sense into your bones and then throwing those rules and patterns out of the window like they never existed to begin with and just letting the flow of the story lead you.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas. First of all, that anon that wrote you to help me was really helpful. (Genuinely- please tell them I say thank you, or something)

I looked up basically every I could- I also took my dads phone and checked his email.

I’ve reached the conclusion that it’s unlikely i’ll be physically harmed while i’m there, though it will be bad for my mental health… obviously. They did sign something but it wasn’t too weird. And not really signed? Just like an email. They do have to sign something when they drop me off though.

And there’s 2 different addresses. One is the one on insta, and the other (on the email) is a little further away. 

I also borrowed my sisters lock for my suitcase. It has a four number code to open it. That way it’ll deter staff and other kids from getting in my stuff. 

I had thought about putting records in a file somewhere and deleting them from my phone. I worry about getting other kids in footage, and then it spiralling though. 

I mean- okay so there’s something I haven’t told you. 

I’m adopted. 

Where I live is poor- and when a girl going off to university got pregnant, she gave me up. She left me at the hospital. I actually tried to look her up last year… she overdosed.

Anyway, I grew up in a foster house, and when I turned 8, I got adopted. It was pretty rare to get adopted that old, especially where I live. People want babies. 

 My sister isn’t biologically related to me. She was adopted when she was 4 by them. None of us are biologically related. But she’s my sister. 

If it wasn’t for my parents, I would be on the bad side of the neighbourhood. I wouldn’t go to the posh kid school, I wouldn’t be looking at university in the future, I wouldn’t have everything i’ve got. And i’m lucky to have it all. 

And I can’t go back to the same social services that finally found somewhere to dump me- and tell them i’m just not happy with the family i’m with. Especially since i’d been content with it for so long.

They’ve never hit me- they’ve paid for my clothes and paid for my clubs and gave me my own room. 

I was so lucky. And I’ve always been stuck between rich kids who don’t get the life I used to have, or un-adopted kids who go on and on about how lucky I am.

And until everything happened- until I was 15- they were great. I love my dad, he doesn’t realise what’s wrong with what he’s doing. 

He genuinely think it’s best for me if i’m in an environment that discourages this side of me- so that I can live a better life.

And he tried, he tried to do research for me- to find out how i was feeling, to understand me, but my mother shut him down. 

I can’t explain it but I remember back when I was eight- not perfectly but I do- and I know I won’t end up somewhere better even if I report them. 

I’ll just be yanked out of school- one of the few places there are people who get me. And i’ll be back, there. 

Plus it’ll be complicated since my sister isn’t biologically related to me, if I went to stay with her. She probably have to get some sort of license I think- and that’d take FOREVER, especially since she’s single, broke and going to uni. 

It’s a mess basically. 

I can’t leave. I have to wait it out. 

I worked so fucking hard to fit into a family that wasn’t mine, ever since I was eight and I met them, ever since I realise it was a way out. They’re still my best way out of the life I was born into. 

At the end of the day, I know my situation sucks but it sucks way less than other people I know. And I don’t think i’m in any physical danger, so i guess it’ll have to be a lot therapy later (haha) 

I hated the camp. And if this years one is actively worse than last year then maybe i’ll figure something out- i have a lot of friends at school that hate the way i’m being treated. 

But I hate asking for handouts. And I guess some fucking stupid part of me still feels hope that my parents will change their ways and understand me- or at least try. 

I wish my dad had tried a little harder, he has a lot of empathy for people, I think he might’ve changed his views if he had the chance. But he sort of did have the chance and he’s just letting my mother send me away anyway so- nvm I guess 

(And maybe if that therapist/nearly therapist friend of the other anon has any advice for like- not hating yourself for being queer after these camps then… Maybe i don’t know, you could send it my way or something? Or any other advice? I just- the people there always have the worst stories and are so depressed and being around that attitude all the time sucks. Plus a lot of them are always like “oh you’re lucky this is the worst place you’ve been sent”. I came home and really kind of hated myself for a while. And none of my friends are queer really, and the few that are don’t go to church, so they don’t really get how it feels).

Hi hon!

Okay I’m hoping the other anon sees this but if they don’t message me in a day or two I’ll @ them- just trying to preserve their anonymity as well.

I’m glad it seems like you’re at least physically safe and I’m always here for you to talk to. But I don’t want to address one thing that you said a few times. You kept saying like “it could be worse, it could be worse” but that’s not fair. Don’t compare your trauma to others. You are going through some horrible shit, and it’s okay to acknowledge that, you know? You don’t have to say it’s better/worse than someone else. Either way, YOU DONT DESERVE THIS.

I’m sending so much love and I’m thinking of you!

[chronicparagon]

[I don’t want to cry and I hate venting but I don’t really know what to do. I don’t have anywhere to go about this and it’s getting to a point that hiding it is becoming too much.

I’ll have it under read more but it involves my grad school and fighting to get permission to start my dissertation. I don’t know if all grad schools are the same but that’s how it is for mine.

What’s weird is I started my thesis without jumping through so many hoops when I got my master’s degree.]

I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my advisor. I am done with classes and my comprehensive exam. However, I can’t get permission to enroll in dissertation credits. My advisor wouldn’t talk to me for months. I tried to reach out so many time and I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I asked to change my advisor which was accepted. However, I have to search for a new one that will want to work with me. After that, the nightmare begins.

I was so close to getting that permission. But now, I have to redo my IRB at the school and hope for approval, but I also have to redo the IRB process at work since my dissertation was related to my work.

I will have to also need to see if the rest of the committee will want to work with me anymore. If they don’t want to work with any new advisor I can find, then they are out and I have to start that step over. That took me almost a year to find everyone who was willing to be in my dissertation committee. Restarting IRB will take at least a few weeks to several months.

This is not counting redoing the plan of study and possible have to start all over with my topic proposal which took a year and a half to work on and it’s not even approved to be presented and formally submitted. That would have been the last step to have that permission number to enroll for my dissertation.

I don’t think I can back out of the advisor change to save the progress. She already left and when she was working with me, she wouldn’t answer me for months. I waited for half a year for any response, only to be told I have to rewrite sections of my proposal, add more to it like policy briefs that she wanted (originally not my idea for my dissertation but I did what she told me to do).

I will say I am not leaving my grad school. I came this far for my PhD and I’m not quitting. That has never been an option.

I have people delay me and some even admit they never believed in me. My former advisor didn’t say that explicitly but how she always had me as an after thought and ignore my emails and calls, I felt that was a message.

Then, she would be unhappy with my progress in my proposal and tell me I need to do it over. It happened four times. I told myself I was being too sensitive to think my former advisor is sabotaging my work. I don’t want to be unfair and assume that . She has a lot going on like her family, work, her own research and travel. Still, that thought hasn’t left my mind since one of my coworkers told me sabotage is happening and I need to do something about it now. She is also a PhD student from another program and school and I explained my situation to her because I felt frustrated but also worried that I wasn’t giving my former advisor the grace she deserves.

I hate rushing people but I don’t have much time left. Once my time runs out, then I am removed from the program. It doesn’t matter if I never got the dissertation. When time is out, then I have to leave. The dissertation plus defense can take about 6-12 months, sometimes longer.

A lot of my cohorts who I studied with already graduated and got their doctorates. I don’t understand why I’m so behind. I got everything I could done but I was still pushed back.

I’m at a loss. All I can do is pick up the pieces and keep advocating for myself. I just need someone to listen and help me get to the final phase of my studies. I will be quiet today because I have to start searching for a new advisor and restart the process in hopes to be a candidate by the fall. This needs to be done in between my projects at work which also needs my attention.

I’m very sorry about this. The advisor change was bound to happen and I knew I may had to redo some things but not everything. Over a year’s work gone. It really hurts and honestly, I feel rejected because of all of this and searching for a new advisor.

[mkg-artist]

Unfortunately I'm a Pretty Responsible Dog Owner

Usually I’m the model dog owner. My boxer, Teddy, and I take regular walks together. I’ve never left her crap lying around for some poor guy to take care of. We’re up to date on all her shots and visit the vet at least twice a year. And under no circumstances is she ever allowed outside without her collar and dog tag. I’m always careful with her. 

But recently I slipped up at the dog park. I got a call from my job and I couldn’t afford to ignore it. I couldn’t have been on that call for more than ten minutes. When I was finally able to hang up I turned to find Teddy, her jaw clenched, cowering under the shadow of another much larger dog. 

No, describing this dog as much larger isn’t fair to the absolute unit this thing was. It looked like it ate people whole for breakfast. There was something in the stray’s eyes that seemed almost too human. 

I scooped up my poor baby girl in my arms. As I ran, barely able to hold her in my arms. Behind me I heard the stray bark. 

Now I’ve been a dog person all my life. Ever since I was born my parents always had at least one or two dogs in the house. I still remember my first dog, Domino. Bless his heart. Throughout high school I volunteered at the local dog shelter. I must’ve heard thousands of distinct barks throughout those four years. I took care of hundreds of different breeds. 

So believe me when I say that painful mimicry of a bark from that “dog” wasn’t natural. The stray heaved out each bark in a strangled cry. Just the thought of it now makes my skin crawl. I’m certain that creature is anything but a dog. I held my poor sweet Teddy tighter as I slammed the dog park gate behind me and ran. 

I think to myself wouldn’t it have been great if all I dealt with was a weird dog look alike monster today? But well of course there's more. It’s never that simple. 

My wife knew just how much the whole encounter rattled me. We opted to just order that night and take it easy. We sat on the couch together eating take-out lo mein. Teddy laid at the base of the couch, lightly snoring. I got a notification on my phone. When I went to check I saw a text message from an unknown number. 

I texted back asking: How did you get this number? 

I watched the dots in the typing bubble dance for a moment before they sent: You should keep a better eye on her. She’s an exquisite breed.

A chill ran down my spine. I looked over to my wife, who was completely unaware of my horrific situation as she ate her take out. 

“Alex, you aren’t playing some prank on me with our friends right?” 

Her eyebrows furrowed and she tilted her head. “Sylvia, what in the world are you going on about?”

Well it’s just this text I got a minute ago. I held up the phone to her face. Her face shifted from confusion to dread. I felt the phone buzz in my hand. Another text sent when I was showing her the phone. I’ve been with my wife for twelve years and I’ve never seen this terrified before. “Holy shit, block them. Block them right now, Sylvia!”

I turned the phone around to look at what they sent. Wouldn’t want something to happen to her. There was an image attached to the text message. The picture was at eye level with Teddy. She stood in focus of the camera, glaring her teeth. In the background you could see the jogging leggings I wore that day and my red parka. My face was angled away, preoccupied with the call from my boss. 

Like any sane person I blocked the number. My wife and I tried getting the authorities involved but there just wasn’t enough evidence. When they traced the number they found the phone alone in an alley, only a few blocks away from the dog pak. 

After police involvement something about the whole situation just kept nagging me. How the hell did they find my number? I didn’t put two and two together until this morning. I was preparing Teddy for our next walk. As I clasped the collar around her neck I noticed her dog tag. Engraved in the shining metal was my phone number. Unfortunately I’m a pretty responsible dog owner because engraved below my number was my address. I thought back to the photo the anonymous messenger sent. Teddy could be seen clear as day with her dog tag proudly shining against her fur coat. I plan on getting her a new dog tag later today. 

Finished a piece today and uploaded it to r/NoSleep! [ :

[looniecartooni]

i fully believe sexism was part of it. sarah was viewed as a weird insane lady even during her life, and i’ve always wondered how she felt about it and if she maybe played into a little? a woman with that much money and freedom was not the norm in her time period, but being seen as a grieving widow with a few screws loose was likely easier than being viewed as a woman who wanted to be taken seriously. but so much of the house is genuinely genius, and there’s a logic to a lot of the weirdest parts.

for instance, i always noticed how every room has multiple ways out, and there’s different routes to get anywhere in the house. part of our training involved being prepared for an emergency, and my favourite part of that test was when my manager took me to different parts of the house and would be like, okay, you’re in the north conservatory, and the staircase directly outside is on fire. what do you do? there’s always a way out, and a backup, and a second backup, and in the worst case scenario you can jump out a window or a door or off a ledge. (i was actually told that climbing down the roof from the fourth floor is a genuine strategy in a worst case scenario.) the house is weird but it’s functional in ways people don’t appreciate, like the corner pieces in the stairs that make them easier to sweep even now, or windows that swing open so you can wash them, or the absolutely ingenious laundry room that had built in scrub boards.

and as for the ghosts—sarah was really only tangentially related to the rifle company. her husband was president for all of four months before he died. there’s absolutely no basis for sarah being haunted by spirits killed by the rifle. but she was by all accounts a wonderful employer who had employees that worked for her for decades. they were well paid, fed, housed, and she even paid for their children’s schooling. the energy in the house never felt malicious to me—even 100 years after sarah’s death it feels like a home. i’m thoroughly convinced the spirits are her former employees, still caring for the house after all these years, and i know when i die i fully intend to haunt winchester. it’s a beautiful, loving crafted home and it always makes me happy to see other people recognize it as more than just “weird scary house”.

it is funny though because people always ask me for ghost stories and all the ones i have are “i heard ghost dogs barking” and “ghosts said merry christmas to me”.

(also if there’s anything you’re curious about, i might have answers!)

Sarah was a genius! I mostly know about how she adapted the architecture of the house to her arthritis, but yeah- she was always experimenting and teaching herself all she could. And I heard from multiple sources as well that she was very kind to her employees and their kids. The kids would call her Auntie Sallie and the gardener even gave his daughter the middle name "Winchester". These kids and employees would try to defend Sarah multiple times after her death. She saw her staff as like family.

According to most f my research though (though some of it may have been bias with this fact), Sarah did NOT like being rumored as a crazy ghost lady and it may have had her shut herself off more. When John Brown purchased the estate after her death and turned it into a tourist trap, he apparently made some alterations to the house as well to play more into the "crazy ghost lady" narrative. He would like add candles and chandeliers to play into the idea that "she was obsessed with the number 13" and stuff like that.

Another reason according to Ralph Rambo, who was a historian and a relative of one of the employees, people liked to make up these rumors because this was a seriously loaded rich lady who was associated with a popular company, travelling across the state and working on a never-ending project. Sexism plays a huge role, but so does being rich and reclusive (which comes from losing several family members in a row in the same year on her husband's side and 1 or 2 on her side). It makes sense that her husband would have only been president of the company for about four months. His father was the one that made the change from the Winchester company from being a clothing company of sorts to a rifle arms company and if I'm not mistaken, he did die in the same year William Winchester did.

The Winchester looks like a very nice house with a beautiful garden and flower conservatory. I can understand why you'd want to haunt it after you die. Its crazy just how much so many people miss or misunderstand because they are so tied up on the idea that Sarah was a crazy ghost lady and it only got worse after her death. Now its difficult to find the truth, but we are living in an age where more people want to know the truth behind people who's legacies are tainted and shrouded in misinformation. Its really good for us to discuss these things and there's so much to discuss about the Manor functionality wise and decorative wise. I really hope Sarah becomes more and more recognized as the person she was rather than the person she was made out to be over a hundred years ago.

[laiqualaurelote]

Rules: Post 10 of your favourite movies and tag 10 people! Thanks @glamorouspixels for the tag. I’ve actually been thinking about this of late because I’ve listening to Brett Goldstein’s podcast Films To Be Buried With. These are in the order I watched them:

1. Lord of the Rings

My favourite films of all time, based on my favourite book of all time. Also I consider them to be one very long 11.5h movie (yes, I refer to the extended editions).

2. Chicago

One of the first movie musical adaptations I ever saw, which left an indelible impression on me. To this day I could probably describe the Cell Block Tango scene shot by shot. Catherine Zeta-Jones! 

3. Once Upon A Time In Mexico

This bonkers finale to Robert Rodriguez’s El Mariachi trilogy has everything. It has Antonio Banderas as a brooding guitar-playing hitman. It has peak Johnny Depp in the era when it was not weird to have a Johnny Depp phase. It has Salma Hayek looking absolutely smoking. It has Enrique Iglesias, whose guitar has a flamethrower. It has Danny Trejo! Willem Dafoe! Eva Mendes! Mickey Rourke! all playing these absolutely unhinged roles. I adore it. 

4. Sin City

So there are two Rodriguez films on this list, but I don’t think I could do without either. Sin City is perhaps one of the best graphic novel screen adaptations of all time. I was obsessed with this film from quite possibly too young an age, especially with Rosario Dawson as a dominatrix with a machine gun. It’s utter pulp and I’m not sorry.

5. Brick

I maintain this high-school neo-noir with baby Joseph Gordon-Levitt is still Rian Johnson’s best film, and this is despite the fact it was so low-budget they had to fake a transition by pulling a garbage bag over the camera and then playing it in reverse. It also contains a scene with a chicken jug that will live in my heart forever.

6. Singing’ in the Rain

Do they make them like this any more? They do not. I can’t begin to pick what I love most about this - the hysterically funny script, the OT3 vibes, the fact that nearly every musical number is a colossal achievement of its own (Donald O’Connor running up the walls in Make ‘Em Laugh! The tap-dancing in Moses Supposes! Cyd Charisse in that green dress in Broadway Melody!) or even just the comic genius of Jean Hagen, which could sustain an entire film on its own.

7. Inception

This film managed somehow to be both a cinematic masterpiece and fandom catnip, which is rare. As an architecture/urbanism geek who also loves heists and devastatingly competent men in suits, I feel like this film was made for me. Also, Arthur/Eames! One of my all-time ships. 

8. 28 Days Later

Best second-generation zombie film, for my money - both stunningly shot and horrifying. The way the final mansion massacre is filmed while John Murphy’s soundtrack builds on that eerie four-note crescendo - chills. Also, young Cillian Murphy and Naomie Harris! really the most beautiful zombie film ever. 

9. The Maltese Falcon

I dithered over whether to put this or The Big Sleep in the bracket of “classic book-to-film noir adaptation starring Humphrey Bogart” - I love them both equally - but went with this because it is, marginally, the better film (and the better book - Raymond Chandler could write the hell out of a novel but he could not tie up his plots). It also has the fantastic villain duo of Peter Lorre and Sydney Greenstreet, as well as a young Elisha Cook Jr as the gunsel who gets played for a sap. That ending! “If they hang you, I’ll always remember you.” 

10. In the Mood for Love

This is, hands-down, the greatest film on this list. Definitely one of the greatest films ever made. Every single shot is a work of art. That iconic scene of Maggie Cheung buying noodles in a dark high-collared cheongsam, walking down a smoky alleyway swinging her tingkat to the strains of the plaintive violin of Shigeru Umebayashi’s theme, brushing past Tony Leung in his steam-rumpled suit - it gives me shivers. I’ll never be over the ending of this film. I’ll also never be normal about buying noodles.

So I’m not going to tag 10 people because I’m too tired but like talk about your favourite movies if you want to! 

[random-bi-writer]

I’ve rewatched all the playthroughs of Little Nightmares to try to figure out Six and I think I know her backstory now.

This is going to be a long post. Also, it might be a little messy, I’m not really good at explaining.

In Canon, Six started her adventure from: The Nest, then The Forest, then Pale City, and then the Maw.

But if we pay attention to the background and the behavior some of the monsters exhibit, her story would be: The Forest, The School, The Nest, The Forest again, Pale City, and then the Maw.

The Forest being Six’s origin is based on how people think that the Hunter is Six’s dad. I like the idea, but the Transmissions have been corrupting people for years. The Hunter would have been extremely bloodthirsty by the time Six was born, so I really doubt they’re actually related. But it does beg the question: Why did the Hunter let Six stay alive? I’ll get back to that later.

So far now, Six’s origin seems to reside at the School. This because of a picture of her in the School and how the bullies only captured her and not with Mono. So this implies that Six was a student here, but with how she acted during the game, she probably doesn’t remember.

It’s possible but there is something that’s bothering me about it: Why would a human study in a monster school?

Because, look at Six, she’s supposedly a human. The teacher is a Rokurokubi teaching a bunch of Porcelain children. And before you say anything about the Hunter studying there in the past and is a weird human, look at this.

If you look at the Hunter’s right arm, it’s obviously a stuffing. Suggesting that, the Hunter is a doll that can move. So the school being a monster school isn’t too unlikely with the Hunter not being human.

So why is Six able to study at the school?

Well, looking closely, this school isn’t just a monster school. It’s a school for living dolls. The bullies are porcelain dolls and the Hunter is a stuffed doll.

I showed my family some game animation of Six, Rk, and Mono and they all said that Six looks like a doll.

So there are two options: The School thought that Six is a doll despite the fact that she is human or Six is a doll.

First option sounds funny and believable, Second option kinda makes more sense and I’m going to talk about it.

Every time Mono kills a bully, mist will leave their bodies.

Now how does this prove that Six is a doll? Well-

Six has mist leaving her body when turning into stone, and before you could argue about Rk. Rk was covering his face when getting turned into stone while Six was holding her head.

I’m not gonna say anything about Rcg since her game isn’t really animated the same way as the other games.

Six holding her head is kind of important, because you need to smash the bully’s head to kill it.

If that’s not enough, there’s another, well, two other reasons that Six isn’t human.

The fact that she can survive this-

And this-

And is able to walk fine despite the fact that these could kill or heavily injure a child. Also she is abnormally fast in LN2.

There’s more, and it has to do with the Nest.

Anyone remember this level in VLN? This room is right next to the Pretender’s bedroom.

This room could have been for the Pretender that the Nomes now use but it doesn’t make any sense for a number of reasons.

One, the Pretender is not a messy child. The Pretender has no reason to draw on walls, also she is not the kind of child that will break her toys on purpose when her emotions are in control.

Two, the Pretender’s method of playing is pretending. She plays with dolls. She looks like 12 turning 13, look at this room, this room is meant for someone younger than her.

Three, there’s a drawing of the Thin Man at the table. The tvs in the Nest are all just static and not working. So there’s no way the Pretender could have known about him.

Four, it might be possible for the Nomes to do the drawings, but there’s no way they’re the ones that ripped the Teddy Bear. Someone else did that.

So who was living with the Pretender and has a habit of drawing signal tower related drawings and breaking toys for fun?

It’s Six.

Six is the only kid we know so far that actually draws, and we’ve seen her break toys for fun at the Hospital chapter.

I think Six being a doll is why she’s at the Nest. She was supposed to be a playmate for the Pretender.

If the Teacher is the Pretender’s Mom and Six was a student of her school, it would make sense why the bullies would go after her. She was getting special treatment.

And it would make sense that the Hunter hasn’t hurt her because of this, it’s either the Hunter isn’t above of hurting his own kind or that he literally can’t skin Six alive. I’m still gonna go for the dad thing.

Speaking off LN2 monsters that aren’t attacking Six, let’s talk about The Doctor.

His location is what makes me intrigued the most. The Hospital is not only where Six started to act off, but the Hospital was going to have lore in it.

The Doctor was originally going to experiment on children.

So far the only names we have on every single child in this franchise are: Six, Mono, and Sabu. (Sabu is Spoon Girl, that is her name in the game files.)

They’re numbers but only two of these came across as actual names instead of numbers: Mono and Sabu. Six, however, is a number and can never come across as a normal name.

Now, with the Doctor in mind, wouldn’t it make sense, if Six’s full name is: Experiment Number 6?

Think about it, the Doctor has manequins that can move on their own. That was his doing. Now it would make sense, if he decided to experiment on a doll that can act human, and that’s where Six came from.

In the concept art, the Doctor is forcing children to get absorbed to the tvs. We know for a fact that the Tranmissions are corrupting viewers, but what if they can only corrupt humans?

So let’s think about this: The Doctor sees that humans are getting corrupted by transmissions, so while he was working on his patients, he has a secret project to see if he can make a human immune to the signal.

He makes dolls that is made out of human parts and experiments on them using tvs. Only the 6th survived.

And the Tower feels threatened by this.

The original concept was the transmission absorbing the humans, but what if there was a human that can absorb the Transmission?

Six is able to absorb souls by the end of the original game, but what if she can absorb anything that’s alive? What if she can absorb signals?

What if that’s the reason why Six is kidnapped in the first place? The Tower sees Six as someone who is too dangerous for them. They need to make sure that Six isn’t able to kill them.

So they made her trapped. They made her dependent on the fantasy they made to keep her from killing them.

But then Mono came and they decided that he was also dangerous.

So the Tower has to settle on two options: Take both of them and keep them trapped forever, or if one of them manages to escape their grasp; they have to make them as powerless as they can be before they could escape.

Seeing how Six can be at the first game, it did worked out in the Tower’s favor until the ending of the first game.

[talenlee]

Fundie Fucking

Imagine you have a jar for jellybeans. I want you to imagine this jar, and it starts out empty. Now, what happens, when you get married, right, is that the first time you have sex, you put a jellybean in that jar. Then, the next time, you put another jellybean in. Another, and another, and another. You keep this up for the first full year of marriage. And then, in the second year, whenever you have sex, you take a jellybean out. You do that for every single time you have sex after that first year.

By the time you die, you won’t have emptied that jar.

Content Warning: I’m going to talk about things I was taught about sex as a Christian fundamentalist.

The above story was told to me by a teacher, in school. It was a geography lesson.

A little history for my childhood, I suppose. At the age of four I started going to school in the Christian Evangelical cult we were in. This was a deeply fundamentalist cult that built its faith statements on text extraction from the Bible that worked a bit like using a sudoku to find phone numbers. I continued in this schooling system from kindergarten through to year 9. In year 8, the church-school’s pastor and principal both left, and in the ensuing fracas, we committed to leave. My family left this church and moved a hundred kilometers away, where we could reconnect with family, and older support networks that my parents had.

I had nothing, no friends, not really, but y’know, I hadn’t been a kid with friends beforehand.

I started on a new school at this point, for the last three years of school. I’ve talked about how difficult it was to be part of this school with no groundings, and no experience having or making friends. It was extremely hard, which is by no means meant to complain about or fix anything, but it’s still part of the context. I was still, at this point, a fundamentalist, and the school was still a Christian, religious school, with a statement of faith and religious staff. We had Bible lessons in the morning and devotions, and we had prayer before events. It wasn’t a fundamentalist school — it taught evolution! — but it was still compatible with those concerns, and if a parent wanted their student pulled out of a topic, they could pull out.

And somewhere along the line, for some reason, in a geography class, a teacher — who I will note took a swing at me on my last day of school! — shared this Pithy Wisdom about what we could look forward to about our future vision of marriage.

Sex is super important to fundamentalist teaching. It needs controlling and suppressing. Sexuality is patrolled aggressively, as is gender. Behaviour that isn’t adequately straight seeming is for correcting, and interests that are perceived as too driven by sex are a problem too. You can probably guess how these controls happen – women are shamed for engaging in sex, especially if they get pregnant. I’m sure I’ve written about this before. But the point is, sex and its control is important.

Yet, sex comes up a lot. Sex usually comes up with teenagers in a sort of gracious, guess-we’ll-talk-about-it-now-way that also wants to avoid any specific terms. There’s all sorts of euphemism and metaphor used for it, and it’s funny hearing people trying to describe the idea of fucking without ever wanting to invoke the word or even that they could be someone who uses the word. Everything is cloaked under stories and metaphor and that meant that even in the post-fundamentalist space, I was hearing stories about how sex was itself, fundamentally, a sin.

But.

But but but.

There was a promise that once you got married, sex would happen. And it’d happen a lot. And it’d be amazing, and also, because you waited, because you held back, you’d be really good at it. You and your partner, both virgins, would work out sex from first principles together, and because you were both just bursting to get into it, you would have a lot of sex. But the n there was this weird follow-on idea that after you had sex, after you finally got to have sex, you’d just… get bored with it and move on. You wouldn’t have sex any more, because you’d had enough sex. Literally your entire sex life was probably going to last for basically one year, and after that point it would just peter out and you wouldn’t care.

This affected me, of course. Especially these days I see in discourse around incel culture the idea that it is reasonable to want to have sex, that whether or not sex is something you can or can’t have is going to affect your mental health and your ability to actualise. That seems good? that seems healthy. Like, maybe your needs and wants change over time and your sperm aren’t a pack of mayflies waiting to burn out in one short year.

I planned at first to spend this article talking about the things I learned and how it related to me. So far I have deleted the paragraph talking about my own sexuality, what it means and how my life experiences have affected it, over, and over, and over again. Some of it is shame, some of it is fear. Some of it is this weird horror at being told, reassuringly, by strangers that hey, it’s okay, it’s okay for things to be this way, or that way. Don’t feel bad. Like just the idea of being reassured makes me feel bad. There’s a depth to this, something wrong that means even talking about the problem is itself a problem. A terminating experience that keeps coming back to that thought about the jellybean jar.

About how I was taught my sexuality should probably have ended when I was twenty two.

And how part of my brain wonders if that’s right.

Like that’s all screwed up right?

And like, it hasn’t gotten better?

I dunno, it hurts.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[spinachandhoney]

SnakeFace episode 5 (and 6 I think?) (original script)

Disclaimer: the original script from 2020 (episodes pilot through 6) does not match the current published episode 100% and I recommend reading the episode on Webtoon before continuing to read the script (listed under cut)

[this episode was changed around so drastically, and the numbers are a little confusing because I took the beginning and end of the script for episode 5, but part of the middle for episode 6? I tried pasting them together as best I could but it's all very confusing until the rewrites of episodes 7-11)

  As the day continued, Ivan stopped at the park to sit and eat lunch. He tried to choose a secluded tree away from anyone else, but it was difficult so he would just have to eat quickly. That was when he noticed something was off about the other people. There was the occasional person to widen their eyes, but they didn’t seem unsettled. Most others only smiled or waved, not shocked by his appearance at all. He couldn’t wear his mask while he ate, so his face was out in the open. What was going on?

  Ivan decided to head back home early. This was starting to weird him out. He put his mask back on and quickly jogged back to the house where he waited the rest of the day for Kim to finally come home.

  The front door opened at around four in the afternoon as Kim returned from school. She bolted up the stairs to Ivan’s room, bursting through his bedroom door.

  “Ivan!” She shouted with excitement.

  “Gah! Kim!” Ivan jumped at Kim’s sudden outburst.

  “Ivan I need to talk to you! You need to come to school next week! You’ll never believe what I found out!”

  “What? What happened?”

  “Okay, so until today I hadn’t been paying attention too much but over the past few days I’ve been slowly figuring out what’s up with this school.”

  “Spit it out, Kim!”

  “Ivan, no one is normal!”

  “What?”

  “I mean, no one there is fully human. Ivan, over half of the school’s student body is a monster or mutant!”

  “What!?”

  “So what you’re saying is,” Ivan started. He and Kim relocated to the attic before they continued their conversation about the school again. “Mutants, monsters and magic users make up the student body and nobody there is ‘normal’?”

  “Yes,” Kim answered, “that’s what I just said. So you know how we ran into that girl with the green hair and Garroth the other day? They go to this school. I’m not sure what Garroth is yet, but the green-haired girl’s name is Beverly, she’s a mutant! She told me she has a brother, but I don’t remember his name. She said she’s going to show me around.”

  “You made a friend! That’s great Kim!”

  “I know! You need to come to this school, Ivan, I’m begging you! You’d fit in so well there, and no one’s going to bother you like at other schools.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t know if it’s for me-”

  “Come on, Ivan, you have no excuse this time. Just give it a try, okay? Pleeeease?”

  “Okay, just this once for you. But you know what I said before. Any violence and I’m out.”

  “Got it. Should we talk to your mom? Do you think we could register you before Monday? We have three days until then, right?”

  Ivan nodded. “I’ll go tell her. You wait here or do something until I come back.”

  The snake boy approached his mother, who had just arrived back home from shopping with Kim’s mom. She set her bag down and turned to her son.

  “Need something, Ivan? How was your day?” She asked.

  “Can I go to school with Kim?”

  “What? Are you sure?”

  “Yes, she and I talked and I made up my mind. She already made a friend, and they both think I should come. Besides, if anything goes wrong I can handle myself, and if anything violent comes up I’ll just drop out.”

  “Okay, do you want to do that over the weekend?”

  “Yes please, that would be nice. We both think I should start as soon as possible so we’re on the same page.”

  “Alright. I’ll fill out the online forms once I put away everything Mrs. Catherine and I bought today. You go back upstairs and hang out with Kim until then, okay?”

  Ivan smiled and rushed back to the attic to talk with Kim. He told her his mom was going to start signing him up. This excited the witch. Her face lit up even more so than before.

  “Sweet! I can’t wait! I know it’s weird for me to be excited about school, but I am. We finally have a chance at making friends that are like us. We don’t have to hide who we are. If there’s one thing I hate about society it’s that I have to hide who I really am, but here I- we, don’t have to anymore.”

  “So… Does this mean we don’t have to worry about the other leaving because we’re considered different?”

  “Of course not! Here, I’ll make you a promise, okay? Give me your hand.”

  Ivan held his hand out. Kim held it with both of hers and looked Ivan directly in the eyes.

  “I promise you, that I will never leave you. I’ll always be there for you. No matter what. Even if you forget about me, even if you make new friends and want nothing to do with me, I’ll be there to support you as your friend. You’ll always be someone to me. You remember that.”

  Ivan didn’t know what to say. His heart practically stopped, melting in his chest. He never thought, not once in his life, that he would ever meet someone who felt the same way about him as Kim did. And by her making that very promise, Ivan knew she meant every word. A smile made its way onto his face, but not the same smile as before. It was heartfelt and hopeful.

  “I’ll never forget you,” whispered the snake. “You will always be my best friend, Kim. Thank you.”

  Monday came by faster than Ivan had hoped. He was excited to finally attend a school for people more like him, but Kim seemed to be happier than he was, which was nice to see. Both left for the bus together and rode in the same seat. Ivan peered around at the other kids on the bus. Some looked totally normal while others were clearly noticeably different from social norms. Horns, feathers, scales, fur, and even some that didn’t look remotely human. But through all that Ivan knew that everyone on the bus was also very similar despite their differences, including himself and Kim.

  Some kids stared, which Ivan was used to, but probably just because he was new and wearing his mask. Others just minded their business and sulked with their heads against the bus window, watching as the trees passed by. Ivan then realized he had never taken the bus to school. His mother or father had always driven him. It was weird for him, but at least Kim was there with him. The bus ride wasn’t very long, and when it pulled up to the school Ivan was amazed.

  The building was two stories high and the exterior was mainly brick and stone with flowers in the front and large dark wood doors. When he left the bus, no students looked at him oddly like he’d expected. Of course, there was the fact that he and Kim were the new kids, so they did get a couple of stares from older students. When they entered the building, he and Kim tried to figure out their schedules as they walked through the hall. They ran into an older student in their path.

  “Oh I’m so sorry,” Ivan said, looking up. “I wasn’t looking-”

  Ivan froze. It was Garroth. 

  “If it isn’t Kim and the little snake boy. Did you get yourself a boyfriend, girlie?”

  “Butt out, Garroth,” Kim said. Ivan was surprised to hear her talk so abrasively.

  “Oh yeah? What are you gonna do? Throw a bottle at me?”

  “Leave her alone, will you?” Ivan spoke up.

  “So he speaks! If you’re so inclined to protect her then you must be pretty strong, eh? Think you can beat me? I’d like to see you try, scutes.”

  “Ivan, come on, he isn’t worth it,” Kim turned to Ivan.

  “Hey, you can’t just go without me saying you can leave! Get back here!”

  Garroth grabbed Kim’s arm harshly and pulled her back. She tried to elbow him but he yanked her to the side. Ivan panicked and tried to get Kim loose when another hand smacked Garroth in the face. Garroth let go. Both Ivan and Kim turned to see who was there.

  “Leave them alone, Garroth,” stated another boy. He was about as tall as Garroth and had red hair. He wore a black leather jacket with a red undershirt.

  “Val, what the hell?” Spat Garroth. “Mind your own business.”

  “You mind your own business, ghoul! They’re just sophomores trying to find their classes, now get out and go bother someone else.”

  Garroth stormed off and the other boy, Val, turned to Ivan and Kim.

  “You two okay? That must’ve shaken you up a bit, huh? I’m Valentine Cross, but you can call me Val.”

[becomingavery]

I’ve been thinking for a couple days on how to go about the My Story badge for the second quarter challenge. People in my life tell me that my story is inspiring and that I have overcome a lot. I’ve been told I have stories worth telling and that can make people want to move. When deciding what to do for this badge, I started reading this article: https://authority.pub/memoir-writing-prompts/

For this post, I think I’m going to examine potential themes to explore over the next few months.

Potential Themes:

- I don’t recommend doing anything in the manner I have chosen to do them.

- I work to do the things in my life that I want.

- I have been incredibly fortunate in my life due to the support I have had.

- I have found creative ways to solve the problems my life has presented.

- I have done many people’s bucket list.

I feel like I joke often about writing memoirs and calling the book “I don’t recommend it” but the story is really about overcoming adversity despite the solutions being difficult. I have a good life and most of my stress is based on the world we live in and cannot be helped. That being said, I have been incredibly fortunate and carry privileges that many people do not have. I know that I have a safety net if I were to need it and that is a thing many many people do not have. When it comes to the story of me, I think I want to point out the weird ways in which I have overcome the challenges presented in my life. When there is a thing I want to do, I find ways to do it. I am able to do that because of the people around me but I take the leap. I think my story is about taking risks. It’s about allowing life to be hard and finding joy in those moments.

Things I do not recommend:

- Do not start college the week your child turns one.

- Do not have a child without insurance.

- Do not do an associate, bachelor, and master degree in 4 years.

- You are not required to take the maximum number of credit hours at school.

- Definitely do not do that master degree during your first year teaching.

- If there is another pandemic while doing the master degree in your first year teaching, just pause the degree. Don’t finish it while teaching your first year with a four year old at home. It is the worst.

- Do not offer to keep things for a significant other if they are headed long distance, even if that distance is like an hour.

- Do not let people hit you.

- Do not fall for people who are not invested in you.

- Do not say yes to everything. I still haven’t learned this.

- Do not sacrifice sleep for ‘doing the things.’

- Do not forget your medicine.

- Do not move constantly.

- Do not live paycheck to paycheck.

- Do not fail out of college.

- If you know college isn’t the place for you yet, don’t go. No matter who you might disappoint.

- Do not let people speak badly about you. Whether they are a significant relationship, a friend, or whoever, dismiss them from your life. You’ll be lighter later.

- You do not need 10,000 notebooks.

- You also do not need 800,000 pens.

- Don’t hide who you are.

- If someone leaves you, don’t chase them.

Looking at this list is hard. I know there are more things. I’ll add to it as I think. Keep an eye out for edits.

[toyahinterviews]

MY TIME CAPSULE WITH MICHAEL FENTON STEVENS 24.1.2022

MICHAEL: I'm Michael Fenton Stevens, and this is the podcast where we talk about the fascinating subject of sandpaper grades. Well, it might as well be because in each episode I talk to a different guests about the five things from their life that they'd like to preserve in a time capsule Four things they love and one thing they wish they could forget. Something from their past that they wish they could bury in the ground and never have to think about again. Some are bound to be sandpaper grades one day ... Perhaps my guest in this episode, the pop star, musician, actor, TV presenter, writer, and famous woodworker - no, actually, that's just about the only thing that Toyah Willcox hasn't done. Yes, my special guest is the amazing Toyah, one of the very few people where one name is enough. Paraphrasing her career or careers Toyah has had eight Top 40 singles, she's released over 20 albums, written two books, appeared in over 40 stage plays, acted in 10 feature films and numerous television shows

Toyah is married to the musician and rock legend Robert Fripp, founder and guitarist of the prog rock group King Crimson. And as a musician and singer herself Toyah has toured 33 times since 1979. Her films include “Jubilee”, “Quadrophenia”, and Derek Jarman's “The Tempest” and she's appeared on TV in “Shoestring”, “Minder”, “Tales Of The Unexpected”, “French and Saunders”, “Kavanagh QC”, “Secret Diary Of A Call Girl”, “Casualty”, and as the narrator of the “Teletubbies” and my personal favourite “Brum” She's also had the misfortune of working with me in a stage production of “Amadeus”, which we talk a bit about in this recording. So let's hear what from all this the extraordinary Toyah Willcox chooses to put in her time capsule Toyah, how fantastic to have you on “My Time Capsule”. I can't believe it, it's so lovely to see you. After all these years!

TOYAH: How many years is it? MICHAEL: Well, it must have been - TOYAH: It was “Amadeus”, wasn't it? MICHAEL: It was “Amadeus”. That's right. We did a tour of “Amadeus”. 1990 - TOYAH: Great tour! MICHAEL: 31 years ago - TOYAH: 31 years ago. Well, it's all a blur for me because in the last 20 years my music career came back with a vengeance. And I haven't looked back and I've lost all those kinds of memories. I mean, I can remember Peter Shaffer was involved. Tim Pigott-Smith, Richard McCabe, you. I was also doing a daytime tour of prisons of Janis Joplin (Toyah at the prison in Aberdeen in 1991, below) The really exhausting tour!

MICHAEL: It was exhausting. I remember you going off to prisons. At the same time I was going off with an actor called Max Gold. You may remember? TOYAH: Oh, I love Max Gold! You went with Helen Baxendale as well? MICHAEL: Yeah, yeah, the three of us. So we had the really nice job of going around schools. While you would go to prisons and come back and say “Oh, my God, it was a bit weird” ... TOYAH: I'd rather gone to the prisons. The thing about going into the prisons, Michael, is they needed entertaining and they were utterly engrossed. And the thing that disturbed me was I was able to leave, and I was performing to what looked like completely normal human beings you'd bump into in a shop, but they weren't allowed to leave and I found that grossly disturbing   MICHAEL: I've been to prisons before I was an actor. I worked as a solicitor's clerk TOYAH: You look like one now!

MICHAEL: I look more like a judge (they both laugh) I went to a number of prisons, and they were horrible. Horrible. I think everybody should have a visit to a prison. Yeah, and just smell it     TOYAH: Yes. Well, what I experienced, because I was going in with about 20 press people to every prison, was some of the prisoners would hand me notes and I'd open up the note and they'd say "they've only made it like this for you". They cleaned it, they painted, they made it look pristine and clinical. And I was getting these notes saying "this has only happened because of you". And then you know, you really think about what is going on and prison is prison   MICHAEL: Because in that time, people would have been slopping out of a bucket in the corner of the cell. So it was just awful TOYAH: I'm glad I did it because it was a great leveller. And, you know, I was a huge rock star. And suddenly I was made to experience what life is like for someone who is so desperate they steal a car, they steal food, they steal someone's stereo. That everyone had a story and everyone had a reason. It was such an eye opener. What an experience!   

MICHAEL: Astonishing, but we are going to talk about things like that. You're going to pick five things from your life. Four things that you treasure, and one thing that you'd like to get rid of. You've made notes. Oh, how brilliant! TOYAH: Not only have I made notes -  I've done lists! (Michael laughs) Do people have a problem picking these things? MICHAEL: Only sometimes narrowing it down TOYAH: Well, my passion list is very selfish. So shall I start? MICHAEL: Yeah, go TOYAH: OK. My passion is stones. I absolutely love stones. I collect rare gems - can't afford diamonds but rare gems I can do. And I collect very rare crystals. So I'm holding up a 37 carat topaz (on Toyah's left hand, above) MICHAEL: Oh, it's beautiful

TOYAH: It's absolutely beautiful and I collect stones like that. And I bought the stone, had it made into a ring and I don't go anywhere without it. This ring has survived so much. It's been lost at petrol stations. It's been lost in public loos. It's been dropped from great height and I have always worn a blue stone and I feel naked without a blue stone on me Now people might say "oh, that sounds really frivolous. What does it mean? People are starving around the world." For me, this is a stone that has been created out of the creation of the world, from the impact of volcanoes, from mountains forming from earthquakes. It's been there long before I was conceived     And for me, it's what I call a universal connection. You know, it makes me realise that I have a very precious moment in time within the existence of the universe. It is not even a speck of dust in the existence of the universe. And I wear this ring just to remind me not to waste time MICHAEL: Ah! Very good. Very good. And you don't, do you? TOYAH: I try not to

MICHAEL: I always thought that that was the case. When we did this play together you to me had been this enormous rock star. So suddenly, I became aware of the fact that you acted and I hadn't really noticed it. I suppose, you know, “Quadrophenia” and things like that you would have noticed, that you would have thought you were in there because of your pop connection. But actually, there you were - this incredibly dedicated actress with an amazing CV already behind you TOYAH: I started at the National Theatre when I was 18 MICHAEL: It's incredible TOYAH: Yeah! But I think I was a bit just too rebellious for the system. I did Christopher Hampton’s adaptation of “Tales From The Vienna Woods” with a phenomenal cast. Kate Nelligan got me in the cast. She saw me on a TV play on BBC2 called “Glitter”, and she was watching while having supper with the director Maximilian Schell, great German movie star And they said "right, we're going to cast her as Emma and “Tales From The Vienna Woods”" and I never looked back. So I had already, before I had a hit single, done the National Theatre, the ICA, worked with Stephen Poliakoff, Danny Boyd on “Sugar and Spice” (flyer, below), he was the assistant director on Nigel Williams’ “Sugar And Spice” at the Royal Court Theatre. I’d already been in the royalty of acting before “It’s A Mystery” was a hit

MICHAEL: That's the thing I remember about it. And then also, it was your style of acting that I really liked. From my memory of this thing one of the things that slightly wound up Tim Pigott-Smith was that you never repeated. You hardly ever repeated anything. You would be fresh every night TOYAH: I know and I now realise how destructive that can be to someone like Tim Pigott-Smith, because my whole philosophy was the audience deserved a new approach. And this is how I feel about every show I do. And believe me, I've been on stage with A-listers in America, where they have done exactly the same rock performance every night, down to the same head moves and the same solos. And I thought the audience deserves you present in the room So when I get onstage, not as much now with an acting play as I do with music, the audience deserves to be present in the room in that moment and that moment is sacred, and it's with them forever   But I realised with Tim Pigott-Smith - I had quite large scenes with him as “Constanze” - that my doing it differently every night, with him playing such a huge role as “Salieri” ... I was not helping him. He would have words with me about reining it back and becoming what we were in rehearsals and I did rein it back

But I think I was a handful for many, many people when I was much younger. I totally totally sympathise with Tim Pigott-Smith, dreading being on stage with me. Richard McCabe was equally dangerous and when we had a couple scenes ... I mean, my God did the fur fly! MICHAEL: Yes, I remember. You probably forget that I actually understudied Richard in that production and I watched you closely every night and in fact Helen Baxendale understudied you TOYAH: Yes, she did. I remember one scene where we were getting violent with each other because “Constanze” goes mad, and I was wearing a pregnancy bump. And we were in Oxford, and I was twirling like a Whirling Dervish, and the pregnancy bump came off (Michael laughs) It landed on the stage and Richard just went! I mean we literally had to stuff it back up my corset. We were wild MICHAEL: It was a brilliant production. I had a fantastic time doing it. My favourite memory was, I think, in Glasgow where somebody right at the beginning, when Tim was saying, you know, goes to the future. How he started the play in the wheelchair as an old man     

Goes to the future. “Come with me. I will take you on a journey.” And somebody in the audience shouted, “you didn't do it, Salieri!” And he ignored it. And then they said, “We know you didn't murder Mozart!”, and then eventually said "no, bring the curtain down ... " - TOYAH: I remember it because I just felt for him because that opening speech, I mean, how many pages long was it? It was a constant battle with that opening speech. And then they put him on a bath chair and I don't know if you remember in Sheffield, it rolled off the stage - MICHAEL: I do, yes! TOYAH: I think he was in it and he had to jump out. He battled so much, and was also battling with keeping Compass Theatre Company afloat. And even though we were a sold out tour, he was still battling with budgets. He was remarkable MICHAEL: It was a fantastic performance as well, wasn't it? TOYAH: Breathtaking 

MICHAEL: It really was mesmerising TOYAH: And Richard McCabe was playing Mozart for real     MICHAEL: Yeah, he played the piano. Amazing TOYAH: I mean, who could do that today? MICHAEL: It's never been done before or since, fantastic. Oh, happy memories. So anyway, I'm going to bring you back to stones. When did you first start collecting stones then? 

TOYAH: When I could afford to MICHAEL: It wasn't coloured glass from the beach then? TOYAH: Tell you what, that is very perceptive of you because the first stone I fell in love with - I was 23, and I think and I was on Lynmouth beach, and the stone was the size of my head and it has white lines going through it, massive! And I took it and you're not allowed to do that these days  And that stone is still with me. It's outside my kitchen door now. And if anyone moves it - we have gardeners ... If anyone moves it, they get an email and a phone call. “Come back now and put that stone back!” (Michael laughs)     And I love it for exactly the same reason I love my topaz ring. It's part of the Big Bang and we're all part of that process. And so that's when it started, I was 23 - so I'm 63 now ... 40 years ago MICHAEL: You're slightly younger than me - TOYAH: Am I?! MICHAEL: And you look 10 years younger (they both laugh) TOYAH: Thank you!

MICHAEL: Well, I think it's very important to have an awareness of the enormity of time and your place in it. But also not to use it to make yourself feel insignificant but as you say … lucky TOYAH: Yeah. God, you’re perceptive! I love this! I was having a conversation with a journalist from the Financial Times last week because he was fascinated that I collect crystals. I have 22 rare crystals in this room and it’s called the Crystal Room. And he said “I'm having a really bad time, I've given up on hoping about the future. I feel insignificant in my life”   And I picked out one crystal - I’d pick it up for you but it's so heavy I can't lift it! And I said "look, this has come from a Big Bang we really know nothing about. It's made from carbon. We are made from carbon. This peach I'm holding up I'm having for my breakfast is made from carbon. We are all the same process. We're all the same thing. We have a gift of being in an organic body so we can be potential and experience potential. Then we go back to the big process" and he got it. Feeling insignificant is nothing but waking you up to your own potential. We are not insignificant

MICHAEL: No. That thing that you say of driving yourself on I mean, not driving yourself but actually filling your time, making use of it. I mean, again and again there are many people who would have said well, alright, I had enormous success as a pop star and then you might’ve gone well, we'll just do a sort of few reminiscence tours and it makes nice money and things like that. But you don't. You write new stuff, you perform again and actually, your latest album has charted

TOYAH: Yeah, it went to number one across the board. And this is a very interesting fact, Michael - Amazon's top seller, so I went straight to number one in the Amazon chart. I went number one into dance charts, the rock charts. I was number one best seller in the UK for a week MICHAEL: That's amazing TOYAH: Yeah, in the Official Chart I was number 22. Because my generation don't use Spotify. This is generational. So the album is called “Posh Pop” and this physical CD I'm holding up outsold Queen, outstripped Metallica, it just sold in tens of thousands. But I was pipped to the post by the younger artists who are downloaded on Spotify MICHAEL: Yes, and get paid nothing for it TOYAH: I agree. So it's a very interesting time. I returned big time successfully to music when I played Wembley in 2002. Because Youtube had given younger audiences the chance to experience heritage artists like me and (they) want to see us live and I've not looked back since MICHAEL: No, I'm not surprised. I mean, when you burst onto the scene, you were completely unique TOYAH: Yeah, well, I was unique. I was androgynous. I called myself third gender. I was very very tomboy and very strong. I came from punk and then got adopted by the New Wave movement and then into rock. But I do think if I came in exploiting my female sexuality, I would have had a much, much bigger career (they both laugh) MICHAEL: It's possibly true. Yes, play the play the game TOYAH: Play the game! I was a rule breaker from day one MICHAEL: And what led you to be that? TOYAH: I think, actually, I had to create a character - (because of) lack of confidence. I've never had confidence in my femininity. I'm very physically small. I mean, I'm barely five foot tall. People … how can I put this? ... In a physicality way people talk down to you. And it's only in recent years I've realised the techniques that short people use to appear tall and that is you never look up when you talk to someone else     I learned this off the Queen and I learned this off Kylie Minogue. You never crane your neck to look up at someone. You use your eyes to look up. Therefore you always look as though you're the same height as everyone else. I could only have learned that with the invention of phone cameras     

When you can go online and you can study how people's body language is and I learnt it off movie stars who have to act with people like Charlize Theron and Nicole Kidman, who are both over six foot - the smaller guys never ever crane their neck to look at them. So I think my beginning characteristics was I made myself huge in the space. So I was a rebel. I was a loud punk rocker but now, because I can study technique on camera, I can rein it in

MICHAEL: My wife is only five foot. Well, she'll say five foot and a quarter TOYAH: I say 5’1” I just lie (Michael laughs) MICHAEL: But she has exactly that skill. And she's always had it. People never think - people who are 5’8”say “you're the same as me, aren’t you?” and she never wears built up shoes. Everybody assumes that she's much taller than she is. Because she goes in with a presence and she just commands the room as it were TOYAH: You have to. It does have its benefits. I get mistaken for a child at airport security quite a lot and I get brought right to the front of the queue with the line “come here, little girl” (Michael laughs) and then when I turn up they look at me they go “oh, my goodness!” It's that “don't look now” moment. You know, they go kind of argh! I exploit that every time I can

MICHAEL: Well, if you can't see over the crowd, you might as well burst through them TOYAH: Gosh, you'll never get me in a mosh pit. There's no point. All I can see is backsides (Michael laughs)

MICHAEL: Alright, Toyah, so we're going to put rocks into the time capsule. We're going to move on to item number two TOYAH: Item number two is a white pet rabbit who lived with me between 2007 and 2016. He lived for nine years, he was very, very special. He was a house rabbit. He’d sit by my feet in this office. Completely humanised and was with us 24 hours a day. And when I had to go on the road, he went into a rabbit hotel, and he cost me about £7000 pounds a year in dental treatments and in hotels (Michael laughs) And obviously he has passed away, rabbits don't have long lives. But I would like to see him again because he was so gorgeous and he put everything into perspective. All he wanted was to eat, sleep, be stroked and hump soft toys     When I was freaking out and (I was) over pressured and everything was too much I just would hold him and feel his little beating heart and it would calm me down. He was definitely definitely one of those animals that people would take on an aeroplane to keep them calm MICHAEL: What was his name?

TOYAH: WillyFred. He was called that after the drummer in REM, who is my third time capsule item. Our greatest friend, who when he wasn't in America would live with us here. But let's keep to bunny first. WillyFred bunny was a pink eyed New Zealand white with huge character. People would actually knock on the front door and asked to see him because they loved him so much When the vet finally said - the rabbit was nine years old and by this time I was carrying him everywhere and hand feeding him with a syringe - the vet said “no, you can't keep doing this. If you keep hand feeding him he can't go through the natural process. He won't die, he will just keep deteriorating” So the vet and all the nurses came to our house and we put him on the kitchen table and we all said goodbye to him. And they gave him the inevitable injection and we were all holding him as he passed away and the whole room was in tears. That's how popular this rabbit was. He was the biggest flirt. He would pull women's skirts, he would flirt with women. He would just look at a woman and completely win her over    

We believe that this rabbit was the soul of a Buddha just biding time, waiting to be reincarnated in another life. He was that wise that we treated him as if he was a soul just passing through time. And everyone, when we put him down, who worked with this little bunny rabbit was in the room saying goodbye to him MICHAEL: There are moments, aren't there, where animals are so clearly thinking, I think TOYAH: Oh God, you can't deny it. They have emotional light. I mean, this sounds ridiculous, but I keep Koi fish. And at the moment we've got a female Koi who's about to pass and the other fish will not let me near her. I've tried to remove her from the pond so she can be dispatched. Every time we go to remove her from the pond … whoomph! They stop us taking her away     And what I trust about that is they're telling us to let her go through her own process. And you know, animals have emotional lives. They have natural intelligence that goes beyond our bodily intelligence. Animals are emotionally connected. And a very, very special

MICHAEL: Yes. I saw a wonderful photograph on Instagram I think the other day where was somebody said that this was the best example of photo bombing they'd ever seen. And it was basically photographs of their wedding and there was a dog and it just was looking back at the camera as to say (with a disappointed voice)“Oh my God … not another one ...” TOYAH: Yeah! Animals are … I mean, how can we live without them? They're just so remarkable MICHAEL: You say £7000 pounds a year on bills ... but that must have been worth it? TOYAH: It was worth it. And I had a rabbit with bad teeth. So to save his life literally once a month he had to have his teeth kind of clipped. And it just was ridiculously expensive MICHAEL: Are they quite large, the New Zealand rabbits? TOYAH: The largest I ever had was 10 kg’s

MICHAEL: Oh my God! TOYAH: It was like picking up a dog. They're bred for their meat so they grow very quickly. WillyFred was 3 kg’s MICHAEL: Yeah, but that's a good armful, isn't it? TOYAH: Yeah MICHAEL: Well, in that case - WillyFred is in your time capsule for you to revisit

TOYAH: Thank you. The third item is the actual human being that WillyFred was named after called Bill Rieflin (below with Toyah) and Bill passed away at the beginning of lockdown last year. I made three albums with Bill, he was the drummer in REM. But in my band Toyah And The Humans, he was the bass player. He was one of these remarkable human beings that could play every instrument. He would just pick an instrument up and within three hours he could play it in a virtuoso way. Don't you just hate those people? MICHAEL: Yeah, I know some TOYAH: Bill, my husband Robert Fripp and I, we would travel the world together. We were inseparable. Both Robert and I are very, very independent human beings. I can have a lot of time alone. Robert can have a lot of time alone. And Bill was the same but put the three of us together and the dynamics were like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. And our time together, our precious time together ... I met Bill in 2003 and the three of us became inseparable until he passed away about March the 24th 2020. We were inseparable

MICHAEL: What did he die of? Do you mind if I ask? TOYAH: He had prostate cancer. He did not have it checked in time. Both Robert and I knew he was behaving strangely. Something was bothering him. So I flew to Seattle, about 2012 and I said "Bill, I've come here to tell you to go and have a Well Man check." He did. And he was told he had advanced prostate cancer. But he survived. I mean, he was lucky enough to be in Seattle, which is the world leading cancer area So he did survive and he was - I hate to say this because I know it irritates cancer patients - but he was a fighter. He would not accept that his time had been shortened by this and his surgery was brutal because it went into his colon and then it went into his lungs. He lost a lung, he lost part of his colon, he lost his bowel. But he was still determined - he was touring with King Crimson a few years before his death. So he really did live a very, very good life MICHAEL: That's part of what you were talking about, the preciousness of life, the knowledge that it's such a wonderful gift. And when people fight like that to just ... “I want a bit more, just a bit more” -

TOYAH: Yeah, he inspired me incredibly because he was always learning - he loved language. So he was always learning right up until the end. And he came over to the UK and I spent two days driving him around the UK meeting healers I trust and energy healers. Healers don't necessarily heal the physical body, they help prepare you for what you're about to transition into. And that really helped Bill because he had no faith. So whenever he was in the UK, we did that. We got healers into the house, who explained what the transition of the soul is, how energy transitions and it can never die, energy can never die   So it was his learning process I feel has helped me not fear death. It's helped Robert not fear death. And we managed to get out to Seattle to see him just a few months before he passed and we went and sat with him in oncology while he was having treatment in Seattle. And for us it was a shared process, which just gave us strength. And as you say, made us realise that ... I'm 63, my husband's 75  … It doesn't mean you stop. We live to live. We don't live to die

MICHAEL: Absolutely. And it's a real lesson that when life is hard, and it's a struggle people really find it precious. So in a way it's wasteful to not find life precious when it's easy

TOYAH: I know when it's easy - when you write a song in two minutes and you think the next song will feel like that. You take it for granted. I think people get exhausted by life. Life is genuinely challenging and exhausting. But I think at that point you reach out and this is where friendship and love and community helps put you back on your feet MICHAEL: So you mentioned Robert (below with Toyah) so I'm going to say how did you meet him? Because it's just an extraordinary thing - coming together of these two greats from the pop industry TOYAH: Well, thank you. We first met in a taxi on our way to a Nordoff Robbins (Music Therapy) charity lunch at the Hotel Intercontinental, Park Lane. And we didn't really know each other but we had the same management and I found this legendary rock guitarist, who I knew very little about, I had his album “Discipline”, but that's the only album I knew about, from 1981      

I didn't know his 1970s history, or 1960s history, the Rolling Stones in Hyde Park. And I thought he was a very quiet, gentle, considered human being who didn't speak until he'd considered what he was going to say. And that just brought out the worst in me. And I was goading him and teasing him and provoking him in this 20 minute taxi journey And then we had our photo taken with Princess Michael of Kent and I didn't meet him again for about another five years, by which point and this is what my husband does - he's known for this … He was living in New York at the time, and his diary wasn't filling for a three week consecutive period and he decided that I was his wife. He said he just knew, he knew as soon as he met me that I was his wife. So he came back to England, arranged for us to make an album together and he proposed to me

MICHAEL: Wow, that's amazing! TOYAH: Now, another angle on that story is he gets into a lot of trouble because he has dreams that come true. And he dreamt he was in the studio with David Bowie about eight years ago. And he wrote this in his diary. “Oh, in my dream, I was making an album with David Bowie, Tony Visconti was producing.” Well, at that time Tony Visconti was producing “The Last Day”, Bowie’s penultimate album. Visconti hit the roof, because the press picked up on Robert’s diary as actual and announced Bowie making the album MICHAEL: No! TOYAH: Yeah, and it was a dream MICHAEL: That's incredible! 

TOYAH: It is incredible and everyone in our community, because we live on a High Street, we're surrounded by shops and businesses, and they're all our best friends. Everyone on this High Street knows that if Robert has a dream it's going to come true. So he's like our little talking newspaper (Michael laughs) MICHAEL: Brilliant. I mean, I have to say that my awareness of my knowledge of people in Robert’s position ... I mean, he'd had 10-15 years of extraordinary success, worldwide success, been regarded as one of the greatest guitarists of all time, I think     So to suddenly meet someone, well, what I'm going to say is that in that situation, as you will know, having been in the business - the opportunity of meeting beautiful women is almost inevitable. It's thrown at you all the time. So the fact that meeting you in the back of a car he made that decision, that's astonishing insight. It's intuitive, isn't it? And it's amazingly certain. That's real love, I think. That's true love

TOYAH: Yeah. A brutal observation of it is that I didn't want to have children. I'm phobic about childbirth, and my family life wasn't comfortable, my childhood was not comfortable. So I wasn't attracted to having a large family. And when Robert met me I was highly independent. I didn't need his money. I didn't intend on getting pregnant and he could see that you could have a relationship with someone that would still allow him his freedom to travel and his independence

MICHAEL: And you'd understand his world as well, wouldn't you? TOYAH: Yeah, I did. But I've had to fight for my place in this marriage. And in the beginning, the first two years, I was like a war warrior fighting women off who felt that they could do better than me. And he always said it was never a problem for him. But he was always being targeted by women because he had a reputation of being highly sexed. And he said "well, that was myth rather than legend". The first two years I found incredibly tough. And now I feel I'm in my prime at 63 and there's a lot going on, my career is just ascending. I'm very, very confident in our marriage and everything, but it was a tough beginning

MICHAEL: Well, I'm going to take you back and I will put Bill (above with Toyah) into the time capsule for you TOYAH: Thank you! MICHAEL: And as with all these things, wouldn't it be lovely to see them again? TOYAH: Yeah, definitely. I feel Bill is with me. My album “Posh Pop” … I’m utterly convinced he was standing beside me, helping it be the success it became. I don't feel separated from him at all MICHAEL: No. OK, so that's number three. So we're going to move on to item number four. TOYAH: It's a phone call and you will know this and every actor and performer will know this. It's the very first phone call I ever had telling me I'd got the job, and the whole world is yours in that moment. I was 17. I was at drama school. I've been seen by the Bicat brothers, Nick and Tony Bicat, playwrights, music writers, to do a half hour play with Phil Daniels and Noel Edmunds about a young girl breaking into the Top Of The Pops studio to become a singer  

And I've been down to London, done the audition with Phil Daniels, never expected to hear back and it was a Sunday 11 o'clock in the morning. I was about to go out and visit Blenheim Palace with some drama student friends. The phone rang at my home, Grove Road, Birmingham. I picked the phone up and it was a secretary saying “Toyah, you've got the job. You start on Monday” I cannot tell you ... that moment has never ever been overtaken by anything else. Because I just knew my life was about to change. It was glorious and the nervousness, the feeling of being an imposter. Can I do it? Will I be OK? Of course I can do it! I'm going to be the best ever! You just travel through the universe of potential and egotism and I'm going to do this! I'm going to do that! This is only the beginning! All those emotions. That day was the heightened day and when my friends came to pick me up, I just said "I've got the job!" They were elated for me. Elated! MICHAEL: I can imagine. Did you sing in that show? TOYAH: Yeah, I had to write the music as well 

MICHAEL: Wow! TOYAH: Tony Bicat put me together with a band called Bilbo Baggins, who were like the little brother to the Bay City Rollers. A Glasgow band. They were gorgeous, I was just in love with them all. Pebble Mill, we rehearsed in there, Bilbo Baggins, the band were put into a room     So I would rehearse with Phil Daniels and Noel Edmonds in the daytime and then I would go into the room with Bilbo Baggins, where we would work on lyrics together, and the music together and they taught me how to sing with the band, because I've never done that So I composed the lyrics with Tony Bicat, Bilbo Baggins, and then the band moved into the studio when we were actually recording this half hour play called “Glitter”. And we performed it live MICHAEL: Oh my God!

TOYAH: Just looking back I wish I could do it now. I wish I could go back as Toyah now with all of my experience and record that play now and sing it now because I would give a performance that would be Oscar winning (Michael laughs) My performance was very, very naive. Not bad, but just naive and totally inexperienced, which I think is what the Bicat brothers wanted

MICHAEL: But also, I suppose what attracted people at the National Theatre to you. They saw this naivety but a freshness and something new TOYAH: It is extraordinary because Kate Nelligan and Maximilian Schell were watching that go out live and we made it in May of ‘76. It went out October ‘76 and by November same year I was living in London, a member of the National Theatre and that's all thanks to Kate Nelligan, who took a real shine to me. I ended up living with her for nine months, she had a granny flat at her house in Stockwell. And she said “come and move into that flat” MICHAEL: She's fantastic, Kate Nelligan TOYAH: She's amazing and Brenda Blethyn was in the cast as well. They just kind of scooped me up, tolerated me and supported me. They were wonderful people MICHAEL: I did a fantastic play with Brenda. Well, it was a terrible play actually, but we had a fantastic time doing it TOYAH: Where did you do it? MICHAEL: We did it at the Almeida TOYAH: Ooooh! 

MICHAEL: I know. Sounds posh, doesn’t it? TOYAH: You wouldn’t think there was a terrible play at the Almeida MICHAEL: It was a terrible play, sadly. They chose badly, but she was fantastic in it and I had to grab her breasts every night TOYAH: Oh! Dear Brenda! How long ago was this? MICHAEL: So that would have been at the end of the 90s. It was fun … TOYAH: Well, you were older and wise by then MICHAEL: I was wise enough to know that we were acting. She did this extraordinary thing. She played a sort of a frustrated housewife which you can imagine she did absolutely brilliantly. And she knew that I was famous for my love life. And so she'd started talking to me about it and then said "what's it like?" and I said "what?" and she said "when people touch you?" and I said "do you want to find out?"   

She said "OK" so I said "well, let's start here" and I put my hands on her breasts. And I did that every night and then one night I did it and I slightly moved my hands and she fell to the floor going ooohhhh! (Toyah cackles) Afterwards, I said "I'm so sorry. What did I do?" and she said, "it’s alright - I've got very sensitive nipples" TOYAH: Oh my God! I love that! MICHAEL: I love Brenda

TOYAH: She’s so generous because on the first day of rehearsals at the National Theatre (Toyah in "Tales From The Vienna Woods", above), she didn't know me from anyone else. She said "have you got diggs?" And I said "no. I'll go back to Birmingham. She said "you can't do that every day, come and sleep on my sofa". And I thought I don't want to sleep on the sofa. This what I was like and then Kate Nelligan says “I have a granny flat” … “I'll stay there”. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth! I was a very ill experienced young person

MICHAEL: She was well established by then, Brenda, at the National. She did “Bedroom Farce”, I remember she was fantastic in that TOYAH: I loved and adored her not only for her talent, but her generosity as a human being as well MICHAEL: Yes … Oh, I've just gone into a revelry (they both laugh) TOYAH: I've never touched her breasts though

MICHAEL: No. Well, I never really have. I mean it was acting. There we are. Oh, that phone call. Well, we're lucky in our profession that we've all had those moments. But I think everybody must have a phone call and they think it's going to affect their life. And that moment comes and it's a wonderful thing, isn't it? Particularly when you're young? TOYAH: I have to tell you one that I'm now allowed to talk about because I had to sign a disclosure contract about it. I went for an audition three years ago, and I walked into the studio and I thought this is a blind audition. There's cameras everywhere. There's the top casting people in the world in the room. And they said "we can't tell you what it's for. The script is not the script you're up for." And I learned this to a T, I gave them the performance of a life and I just thought, well this is weird because it is a blind audition. And I left and got the phone call. "J.J. Abrams is calling you in an hour" MICHAEL: Oh my God! TOYAH: I actually ran to the loo. I thought I was going to puke MICHAEL: I’m not surprised 

TOYAH: It didn't happen. It didn't come about because I thought it was a joke. And when the call came I asked too many questions. And I was trying to test to see if I was being wound up and I probably came across as far too controlling. So it didn't happen MICHAEL: Well, yeah, not everything comes up. We've all had those as well where you're close. But how fantastic! I will definitely take that. The phone is ringing inside there, you can pick it up anytime you like (Toyah laughs) “Toyah. You've got the job, you start on Monday” TOYAH: Yeah, I’d love that! MICHAEL: Right. OK, we got one thing left. Now this is something that you're supposed to get rid of from your life TOYAH: It's the combination of fresh raspberries and almonds MICHAEL: Oh, really? That sounds delicious to me

TOYAH: No. I can eat them separately. But if you put them together in a dish I get really, really funny. Part of it is my dear mother had a habit of doing what you asked her not to do. So an example of this - I don't do pantomime anymore. I don't have to do it and I'm too old to do it. It breaks your body     But I would have one day off for Christmas and that would be Christmas Day and my mother (above front in 1946) would say "what would you like for Christmas lunch?" and I'd say "I would love a trifle. I want a trifle. I want it full of sherry and cherries and no almonds, no raspberries". And she'd arrive on Christmas Day. “I've made you an almond and raspberry trifle.” She would always do exactly what I asked her not to do So if she made me a cup of tea I'd say “Mum, no milk, no sugar, just black tea.” “There's your tea, it's got three sugars and milk.” It was always that. “Mum, turn left, turn left” She turned right. And it gave me a phobia of almonds and raspberries. And I bought two cottages. One for them to get them out of Birmingham, because they started to get break-ins because people knew they were my mum and dad

So I retired them into a beautiful cottage on the river Avon, and I bought the cottage next door and I needed to do this cottage up and it had wild raspberries growing. And I started to write a book one morning and I was in the first chapter, in the moment delivering this first chapter at my computer, in the silence of my cottage     Unfortunately I'd put a doorway in between the gardens and my mother was outside the window going “You’ve got to pick the raspberries! The raspberries will rot on the vine!” I got a pair of shears. I cut the raspberries and I threw them in the fucking river Avon and I've not eaten raspberries since and I said “there's your fucking raspberries!” (Michael laughs) MICHAEL: You've had quite a relationship with your mom then over the years TOYAH: (exasperated) Oh! I don't know where to start. I have to write the play, the book and the film about this relationship

MICHAEL: You should! TOYAH: Well, I never knew until December the 3rd last year when ancestry.com contacted me to tell me about some press cuttings they found - my mother, very likely at the age of 14, witnessed her father murder her mother. There was a court case. It was a crime of punishment. My mother was born out of wedlock, which is why she was such a snob and kind of refused to acknowledge anything in the working class system. She was very, very complex, really complex and she was living a character she created so no one could discover her history And she was just driven mad by her history. And she had a chaperone. She was a dancer, a professional dancer and she had a female chaperone (in the photo above behind the car) who even shared her bedroom with her. My mother was never allowed to be alone probably because her father only went to prison for three months. He escaped the gallows. He was free. And I think the chaperone was with her right up until she married my dad to make sure the father never got near her MICHAEL: Good Lord! 

MICHAEL: So when you found this incredible thing out only recently did you suddenly re-evaluate the whole thing or …?

TOYAH: Yeah, I mean, I had to be with counsellors in the room when they told me. They were so concerned about how it would affect me and it did affect me because it was literally like a jigsaw puzzle falling out of the sky of my past and just all falling into place. I suddenly understood this extraordinary past. So did my brother, my sister, my husband, I mean all of the family spouses suddenly realised why my mother would destroy every moment. It's because she felt if she didn't, that we will be in danger

MICHAEL: Yes. You can't be happy

TOYAH: You can't be happy. I've really had to re-evaluate everything in the in last 10 months and there is a song on “Posh Pop” called “Barefoot On Mars”, which has gone viral because it's about that moment, and I just wish she could have told us while she was alive because we would have got her therapist. We'd have done therapy with her, we would have been kinder to her rather than exasperated by her. She refused medical attention. She refused medical help. She was destructive on every level to her physical body and her mental health MICHAEL: And yours TOYAH: I think she made me who and what I am and my God I’m tough

MICHAEL: Yeah. You are Toyah. Well, I'm going to put that into the time capsule for you, but I don't think you really need to lock it away. I think you're perfectly capable of dealing with it. You're an extraordinary woman TOYAH: Thank you. Just don't show me a raspberry (Michael laughs) MICHAEL: Particularly not with almonds on it TOYAH: And can I add one more thing which is purely for my oral pleasure? And that's a Cadbury's Creme Egg MICHAEL: All right, in the sealed compartment are raspberries and almonds and sitting on top of it a lovely Cadbury's Creme Egg TOYAH: Yeah! (laughs) I love it! MICHAEL: Brilliant. How wonderful to talk to you. How lovely to see you again, looking so well TOYAH: Well, thank you and I hope that we get to work together! MICHAEL: Yeah, that would be fantastic. Keep well!

TOYAH: Alright! MICHAEL: Bye!  

[loveronlineee]

The Metalhead and the Material Girl (Eddie Munson x Reader)

Masterlist   All Parts

Eddie Munson x Reader (She/Her)

Warnings: none

Synopsis: When a super fem new girl joins Eddie’s class he thinks he’s got her all figured out, but he soon finds out that the popular kids aren’t the only ones who judge people’s first appearances 

Y/N notes: none

Okay I don’t usually do writers notes but I gotta say thanks to these four: @carolinaflicker​ @iamsiriuss​ @hauntingtherosebush​ @lindsey3300​ for helping me out on the lil bit of D&D stuff I mentioned. Some of you guys had slightly different answers for me so if I’m still wrong let me know! (And other D&D playing peeps)

Wanna be on the Eddie Munson tag list? Look here!

Wanna request something? Look here!

“I’m Y/N L/N. I transferred here from California for my senior year. I like pop music, fashion and hanging out with my friends. And I hope I can become friends with all of you!”

Pretty. Bubbly. Probably a bit of an airhead. The popular kids will scoop her up in a heartbeat. Eddie thought to himself looking up at the new girl. I wonder how long it’ll take for her to be just like everyone else.

The teacher pointed at the empty seat on the metal head’s right, giving the boy a stern look.

“Y/N I’m gonna seat you next to Eddie here at the front so you can help me keep an eye on him.” Eddie grinned and gave the teacher a wink.

Okaaaay here we go. Eddie thought to himself, leaning back in his chair. What kind of popular girl is this one gonna be? Disgusted by me? Weirded out? Just plain old pretend I don’t exist?

“Hi, Eddie was it?” The new girl asked with the biggest most genuine smile Eddie had ever seen. Her face was enough to melt away any built up hate he had accumulated from every harsh comment thrown at him throughout the years.

“Uh yeah Eddie. Eddie Munson.” He couldn’t help the smile appearing on his own face. This girl was a ball of sunshine.

“Nice to meet you Eddie.” He watched as she took out her things from her bag and set them out on the table. Everything was either pink, glittery or had a cute little character on it. She wrote the date on a new page in her notebook, doodling little stars around the numbers.

The teacher came over and placed a piece of paper on Y/N’s desk.

“This is your time table with your classes. Don’t be afraid to ask someone for help.”

“Oh thank you!” Y/N chirped before beginning to read through it. “Hey Eddie, what classes do we have together?” She tilted the paper towards him. Eddie leaned over and skimmed the page.

“Oh wow most of them. We got all the same ones today in fact.”

“Do you mind if I just stuck with you then?”

“Y-Yeah. Yeah that’s cool.” Eddie wasn’t in fact planning on going to all his classes today, like most days, but he couldn’t pass up the chance to get to know this girl more. He spent the morning walking Y/N to all her classes, pointing out other parts of the school she’ll need to know. He revelled in the looks the other students were giving him when they saw them together. The resident freak with a mystery bombshell.

Lunch came around and Y/N followed Eddie to the lunch hall.

“Hey I’ve been meaning to ask you… what’s on your shirt? Is it a band?” Y/N asked.

“It’s my club.”

“Oh cool! You run a club? What’s it about?” Eddie smiled at her as they reached his table of friends.

“A little game called D&D.” He turned to them and gestured to the new girl. “Gentlemen, this is Y/N.”

The boys all looked at her slack jawed, unable to think of anything to say. Luckily, Y/N had enough social skills for the whole table.

“It’s nice to meet you all! I started here today, Eddie’s been showing me around.” She explained as Eddie pulled out the chair in between his and Dustin’s and letting her sit down. He sat in his own chair at the head of the table just observing his friends trying to process this girl being here.

“You’ve been with Eddie…” Mike started asking very slowly, like he was waiting for the pin to drop. “…since this morning?”

“Yeah he’s been really helpful.” Y/N smiled at the younger student. “So are you two freshmen?”

Y/N continued chatting with Mike and Dustin. Eddie looked behind them at the popular kids who were eyeing him suspiciously. The cheerleaders all glaring and whispering to each other. “Eddie!” The metal head looked back at Y/N.

“Yeah?”

“So all these guys are in your club?” She gestured at the group. “You were gonna tell me about D&D earlier, what’s the game about?” Y/N asked, genuinely interested. Eddie grinned. He stood up like he was presenting to a class. Everyone sat up, hands neatly rested on the table, going along with the joke.

“D&D, or Dungeons and Dragons, is a fantasy table-top roleplaying game that only a select few at this school truly appreciate.” Eddie used theatrical hand motions as he described the game, putting one foot on his chair to add to the dramatic effect. “It is a game of teamwork, decision making, and the luck of the dice.”

He gave Dustin a small nod which prompted the boy to take a heavy book out of his bag and put it in front of Y/N. The Dungeons and Dragons Handbook. She began flicking through it, taking in as much as she could. She gasped.

“Can I be a fairy???” Eddie chuckled at her enthusiasm. He sat back down and shuffled his chair closer to hers.

“I’m sure I could homebrew something for you. Either that or you could be an elfen princess? If you just want that pretty ethereal girl look.” Eddie paused. “That… you’ve already got.” He looked back down at his hands, a little hesitant of his last line, before looking back up. Y/N was smiling at the compliment, easing Eddie’s nerves.

“Hey!” Two cheerleaders had approached the table, one calling out to Eddie with annoyance in her voice. “Why don’t you just stick with the freaks?” Eddie leaned away from Y/N and looked to the popular girls.

They turned to Y/N, who seemed a little confused. “You can come and sit with us instead.” One of them said, like she was doing the new girl a favour. Y/N looked over at Eddie. He kept his face the same, not wanting to influence her decision.

Of course he wanted her to stay, but he just couldn’t deal with the guilt of depriving Y/N of having an actual enjoyable high school experience. It didn’t matter how pretty she was, if she was hanging out with the freaks then she was gonna get bullied.

“Oh uh okay then.” Y/N replied apprehensively, slowly getting up. “I-I’ll be back in a minute.” She said as she was dragged away by the cheerleaders. Eddie pursed his lips together in a saddening smile.

“Suuuuuuuure you will.” He said just as Y/N got out of earshot. He looked around at the guys. “And that my friends, concludes the story of the time we almost got a hot chick to play D&D.” The group mumbled and chuckled, going back to their lunch, clearly no where nearly as affected as Eddie.

He knew this was inevitable. With who Y/N was and who he was. But a part of him, a small part of him wanted to believe that she’d stay. For him. That she wouldn’t get poisoned by the ideologies of the social hierarchy. But that was just wishful thinking. He looked back down at the table.

At least it was nice while it lasted.

“Sorry bout that.” Eddie looked back up to see Y/N again. “So I can be an elf princess?”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“…why are you here?”

“I did say I’d only be gone a minute.” She smiled. Eddie stared at her, unable to speak. His head slowly turned to the popular kids. They looked even more surprised than him.

“W-What about them?” He gestured.

“What about them?” Y/N asked, confused.

“Aren’t you gonna hang out with them?”

“They don’t seem like people I’d want to hang out with.”

“They don’t?”

“Do I look like a bully to you?” She joked. “So, elf princess? Yes?” Eddie’s smile retuned to his face.

“Yeah. Yeah definitely a princess.”

Tag list: @Mikinyi @justaproudslytherpuff @angelicjinwoo @k12baby @spiderman-berries​ @ruhro7​ @justanotherhappyidiot @dontcallmesavvy @kenzi-woycehoski​

[booksandothersecrets]

Hi hello good afternoon I am supplying you with wlw book recs because we all deserve them. Please reblog with your own recs because I’ve only been reading sapphic books for a few months so haven’t covered loads of amazing ones, and hopefully this can become a massive rec list of wlw books :)

Also please please please check the TWs for all of these so that you can stay happy, healthy and safe 💗.

Fantasy:

- The Priory of the Orange Tree: [“We may be small, and we may be young, but we will shake the world for our beliefs”] Look I know you’ve all heard of it. Now read it. Swords. Queer women. Queer women with swords. Dragons. Castles. Battles. Many many many pages of beautiful words. There is nothing missing from this book.

- Cinderella is Dead: [“I don't want to be saved by some knight in shining armour. I'd like to be the one in the armour, and I'd like to be the one doing the saving.”] Fuck the patriarchy. Dystpian. Gay. Fantasy. Cinderella is dead (wow). Badass main character. Fighting for rights and fighting for eachother. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

- Girls of Paper and Fire: [“Instead of disappearing, she makes me feel reappeared. Reimagined. Her touch shapes me, draws out the boldness that had been hiding in my core.”] We said learning to heal! We said finding safety in eachothers arms! We said fighting the oppressive government! We said fuck the patriarchy! We said fantasy women with swords! We said (kinda) enemies to lovers! We said please check the trigger warnings for this book!

- A Dark and Hollow Star: [“The number one law of the universe is choice, after all — bad things happen to the people who take that option away from you.”] Fantasy that actually uses the words bisexual and lesbian and gay and genderfluid!!! Urban fantasy. Four main characters: two mlm, two wlw. Swords and monsters and fae and powers and tension and fate. Read for the pretty cover, stay for the characters.

- Gideon the Ninth: [“I cannot conceive of a universe without you in it”] This book is dark and horror-y and gory and weird as fuck. This book has skeletons and necromancy and a huge weird haunted house and everyone dying under mysterious circumstances. This book has enemies to i-dont-even-know-what. You will not know what is happening in this book but you will love it. Trust me.

Dystopian:

- We Set the Dark on Fire: [“Maybe this was trust ... Giving someone the power to ruin you, betting your life on the belief that they wouldn't.”] once again, repeat after me: fuck the patriarchy. Rebellion. Enemies to lovers. Dystopian world where every man gets two wives. Guess what happens 👀

Contemporary:

- The Henna Wars: [“I've never really thought about having a type. I guess my type is....beautiful girl. Which is a lot of them. Most of them? Pretty much all girls”]. Girl dealing with the aftermath of coming out to her parents has a crush on a girl who is competing against her in a school competition. Main character is muslim, bangladeshi and lesbian and love interest is black, brazilian and bisexual. Just read it. Don’t do it for me. Do it for yourself. You deserve to smile.

- Her Royal Highness: [“PERRY I’VE FOUND AN AMERICAN!”] Look this book may be cliche and predictable and a little ridiculous at times but it made me unfathomably happy so I don’t care. Scottish boarding school+royalty+an american. Enemies to lovers but not im-gonna-stab-you enemies to lovers (which ive read my fair share of truet me), more like why-are-you-so-unbearably-irritating enemies to lovers you know?

- Written in the Stars: [“I’ll break into your apartment and move everything three inches to the left and fuck with your flow, okay?”] Good, solid contemporary new adult romance. Enemies to lovers. Grump x sunshine. Actually has a sex scene (this might not be everyones thing i just noticed wlw books often skirt around them so thought id point it out). Ugh its just so cute.

- You Should See Me In a Crown: [“When I open my mouth, everything happens so fast—the way I can feel her everywhere, the way my hands steady instead of shake where they tangle in her hair because I’ve maybe never felt so grounded before, so rooted in a moment”] What happens when a Black queer girl tries for prom queen in a weird, cliquey prom-obsessed school? What happens when one of the other competitors is the unabashedly gay cute new girl? This is what happens. Guys. Guys. Guys. Read this one oh my god. I say this about every book but seriously READ THIS ONE. So so so so so good. Everything you could ever want in a queer coming of age book.

- The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo: [“You do not know how fast you have been running, how hard you have been working, how truly exhausted you are, until someone stands behind you and says, “It’s OK, you can fall down now. I’ll catch you.”] I know you’ve all heard this but you’re about to hear it again. Queer women in the 50s? Sign me up! Sign yourself up! Buy this book and then read this book! Freak out about this book! Cry about this book! Tell everyone you’ve ever met to read this book! Cry some more about this book! Make this book your whole personality!

Thriller(?):

- The Girls I’ve Been: [“There is no normal. There is just a bunch of people pretending there is. There's just different levels of pain. Different stages of safe. The biggest con of all is that there's a normal.”] Thriller. Guns. Menstrual cups. Con artists. That awkward moment when you’re stuck in a bank robbery with two murderous men, a child, your ex boyfriend and your current girlfriend. Not romance but has romantic themes (established relationship). Coming to terms with childhood trauma and abuse. This book is short but deceptively heavy with the themes it deals with so, again, please check the TWs.

Ones on my TBR:

- Last Night at the Telegraph Club

- The Miseducation of Cameron Post

- A Memory Called Empire

- This Is How You Lose the Time War

- Girl, Serpent, Thorn

- This Poison Heart

- One Last Stop

- She Who Became The Sun (omg i want to read this so so so badly)

- The Weight of the Stars

- These Feathered Flames

- Honey Girl

- The Chosen and the Beautiful

- She Drives Me Crazy