#Is anyone else just always tired
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Have work tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. I clean houses. Cleaning this one for almost 20 years. I hate cleaning 😒 hope you guys are having a better day
#I'd rather be reading#At least I can have my phone#Probably gonna listen to Neil read#Is anyone else just always tired#living is exhausting#and expensive
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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sports au: 1st year pitcher felix and 3rd year catcher sylvain
#sylvix#sylvix week 2024#baseball au#the story of baseball au sylvix is rich and sprawling in my head but i'm too tired to make anything for it so have this instead#they had a legendary perfect game at their first and only koshien together#they played together since they were kids so felix trusts sylvain's signs more than anyone else's (that's love in sports)#that said he still shakes off signs bc sylvain is always trying to be strategic and cunning while felix just wants to fastball to victory#they have married couple arguments on the mound before they even get together and everyone's tired of it
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would we like to talk about how hosea also contributed to arthur’s entrapment in and eventual demise due to the van der linde gang because he was constantly affirming to arthur that he was “dim-witted” and “a fool”, and we can assume he’s been doing as such since arthur was very young, and therein causing arthur to internalize the narrative that he is nothing but a dumb brute who could never make it as anything other than a “born and bred” killer or is that too controversial
#or am i thinking too much ?#i’m so tired so if this makes no sense just ignore it ❤️#just thinking thots about how arthur is always so self deprecating while also being incredibly well-spoken and astute#as well as more emotionally aware than he and anyone else gives him credit for#and yet all he thinks is that he’s an emptyheaded criminal and nothing more#ummm sir you’re literally making references to greek mythology please come on now#and methinks this indoctrination by hosea (who is arguably one of the greatest minds in the gang) convinces arthur firsthand that he is what#he is only perceived to be; big. destructive. dense.#from day one arthur has been perfectly molded into a fantastic weapon#and everyone is happy to talk about how dutch’s fingers fit perfectly around the trigger#but so far i haven’t seen anyone talk about how he also happens to fit perfectly in hosea’s holster as well#anyway just me thinking my thots :)#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#text#arthur morgan#hosea matthews#dutch van der linde#mentioned#hero's talking to himself again
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leo leaving foolish a sign like all the others, leaving the most concrete out of all the messages, but no one comments on it. foolish, dead quiet after asking for a direct translation, as the others come in, take note of the sign, and then continue on to other topics. forever coming up, asking if this is anything new or “just another sign”. baghera and fit, the only ones asking if he’s okay, and he just brushes it off, because of course he would, it’s foolish, and it’s easy even though it’s entirely unconvincing and obviously a lie, because everyone else is talking over them anyway. etoiles not even checking in, just pulling him aside to accuse him of federation bullshit. everyone proceeding to talk about crimes in his tower, sitting right on the concrete trail. mouse in the cappy place, saying foolish doesn’t even care about leo, he doesn’t care that she’s gone, and foolish goes quiet for a full minute, until he can find some joke to latch onto and start deflecting again. I can’t take it anymore I’m at my limit.
did anyone other than foolish know the significance of the amethyst, and take note, like they did with the other eggs and their left behind items? or was it just him, alone later on, repeating always juntos to himself as he looks at the message again.
#jmgoing to be sick#everyone else gets condolences gets oh this is significant. he gets ‘just another sign’. just another sign just another sign just another s#does anyone else know what’s important to Leo? everyone else is like oh their beloved items I’m so sorry w Tallulah chayanne and Ramon but#with foolish and leo. god. foolish who is so severely misunderstood on the server. leo who was always so afraid she would just be brushed#aside not making friends. the odd egg out. what the fuck man#and Roier too. throw in the whole family. what’s up with this man I’m sick I’m tired#foolish going quiet when he’s upset. when he’s emotional. and everyone taking it as he doesn’t care. like what is this man#or nervous laughter before silence. like you’ve known him long enough to know it’s not because he’s actually amused!!! god!!!!!!!!!!!!#I’m just upset ok I’m upset I’m upset I’m upset#‘just another sign’ fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you#qsmp#mcyt#foolish gamers#q!foolish#q!leonarda#z speaks
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Forgive me for showing my fangs a little here instead of being as delicate in phrasing as I usually am, but. Periodic reminder:
sweeping "humans suck, humans are evil, the world would be better off if humans disappeared/had never evolved" statements may be cathartic but they're thoroughly inaccurate (ie, the vast majority of uniquely bad effects of humans on the planet are a) extremely recent, like within the last couple centuries, b) the fault of an extremely small minority not the entire fucking species, and c) fixable)
hating being human isn't the same as hating humans. I get species dysphoria is a thing. I get that it's often hard to fit in as a nonhuman in human social groups and that can make it easy to slip into hating everyone around you. Please fight that instinct
villainizing people for traits they didn't choose, such as the species they were born into, is neither cute nor fair. No species is inherently good or bad
misanthropy is cathartic in short term vents or whatever but genuinely embracing it wholesale as a philosophy is liable to lead to you hating humans, human society, and being in a human body more and more over time and thus make your life worse by constantly reinforcing a thought pattern that makes you angry and upset
you are not immune to being part of human society (translation: just because you're nonhuman doesn't mean you're not included in statements about the effects of the human population on the world, ie "humans are killing the planet")
related, you are not better than humans for being nonhuman. looking at my fellow dragons in particular on this one. I get it, draconic pride is a thing, dragon brain probably says you're the supreme being and all else is beneath you especially anyone who annoys you. Mine does too. Please recognize that is an instinct you are supposed to FIGHT, not something that's TRUE AND THAT YOU SHOULD EMBRACE. Good fucking gods.
some nonhumans are also human (it's me, I'm some nonhumans) and you are making sweeping "humans suck, why would I ever want to be human, all humans do is kill the planet" statements in the presence of people included in those statements, which is insanely rude (and no, you don't get to "but you're different because you're nonhuman" me! you do not get to decide to ignore half of who I am because you don't like it, you do not get to decide I'm not "really" human, and also see the previous bullet point). this goes doubly if you're in a space like a DIscord server where people have expressly stated they're not comfortable being tacitly included in statements like that
saying "but I don't REALLY mean all humans, I just mean the specific ones at fault!" after the fact does not actually change anything if every other thing you say is constantly "humans humans humans" and not the group you're actually referring to, or at the very least doesn't change how it reads to everyone around you
#otherkin#misanthropy#rani talks#rani is biting today sorry#if you want me to dial it back and explain any of this in a calmer tone please ask i will be happy to do so#i'm just. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#sick and fucking tired of seeing 'humans bad' in the otherkin community on a regular basis. ITS ME. IM HUMANS. STOP IT#it's not a constructive mindset!! it's not!! there's no constructive conclusion that can come out of misanthropy as a core philosophy!#all it can lead to is either 'nothing is fixable' which is a recipe for depression#or 'humans should be exterminated' which is GENOCIDAL#and it's fucking ALWAYS accompanied by 'but i'm better because i'm [x] instead har har har' No The Fuck You Are Not#you participate in society exactly the same way a human would#you are exactly as responsible for the effects of humanity on the world as anyone else around you#which is to say not very fucking much!#anyway /tag rant i'm hitting post before i think better of this one
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people can give as much flak as they want to eldest siblings but they'll never understand how it feels to be your parent parents
#they think you're an extension of them so they need you to step up always you should be the taking care of everything because#what's the point of being the older one if you're not taking responsibility & when you do that you feel like you're in a position to#point out their flaws too but if you do so they get so defensive they'll argue to hell & back instead of accepting their own mistake &#you'll have to step down lest you say something remotely rude and suddenly become the worst person ever to exist#who does not care about anyone except themselves#i am so tired. i am not trying to attack you. stop getting so defensive i am just pointing out that your priority should be your child not#anyone or anything else specially when they're so sick please can you listen to me once
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in the backs of my eyes, light does not reach. black and white, monochrome stars, inky null and blinding full. others dream, and my thoughtlessness seeks. though i cannot see, and though i cannot breathe in every moment my eyes breach free- i dream. not for grandeur, not for fillment, i dream of nothing but hope. for days where i could, for the days i would dream. sitting in the back seat. squalid radio turned to rage. looking at her shoulder’s locks, dreaming of the cage. taken to my first bar, shown my first rave not forgotten, not forsaken, the only love i will take to my grave. cigarettes and mud, alleys and grunge all i wanted was saving. gone so far, seeded so deep, until it whittled into camaraderie. when the shows over, she’d take me home and leave me in her bed. that night i would be cherished, and that morning we'd be fed. i see their faces in my dreams, as every possibility, every tangle, every thread, every filament held together. like a bastion of memory, creating false to fill the empty. to grant hope to a greyscale null. * * starlight ash, the null of the void, the hopes of a begotten child. is there anything to hear, when the screams are of fear, or choking of brittle and tears? his hopes were so mild, his rage was unbridled, how could she be any different? feel her eyes shiver, feel her soul take, feel the ties of the poverished ingrate. your help cannot find it, your thoughts cannot find it, your hands cannot feel it, your heart cannot take it, your legs cannot shake it and your teeth cannot break it. in every part of you is her no matter how hard you fight it has been the end of her not of her blight. only of her light.
#im so tired. i want anyone to talk to or be with. ever. i miss being alive. i miss dreaming. i miss hoping. i miss having things to hope for#it doesnt have to be too late. so i try. but it always ends up feeling like it is. im so alone. so scared. i just need a way in. to life.#a way into a group. something other than this isolating pain.#this is the best way i could describe my feelings. esp since begging for attention doesnt work. but it isnt enough. i have so many dreams.#so many hopes i am forgetting every second. please. god i wish i could be normal and not have to beg or bare myself fully like this.#i honestly wish i could be more private but i need to beg. and idk how else to. im so desperate for any interaction god fuck i hate it here
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Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?
Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍
Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂↕️
#was so tempted to put 'sometimes 'love' is just autistic obsession' as an answer bc on god#i do think that's a factor for me. like. espppppp in moe's case. moe is just Obsessed w alfonse.#extremely weird about him constantly studying him. like. it does feel like love... the intensity of it..... but.#both me and moe. most romance repulsed motherfuckers out there.#like. like. not to get too personal but the one relationship i did have. i genuinely felt i loved him#but i also think. so much of it was me reflecting what i Think love was 'supposed' to look like.#most importantly he was my best friend (at the time). and i def did feel differently about him than i did anyone else/even other friends#which is why i'm so conflicted... like half i did genuinely love him half i've never been able to love correctly#and it's always taken some level of putting on a performance according to what i see to 'perform' love#like. like. am i just autistic. does it just come down to the autism again.#but also esp nowadays like. back on my bullshit. i actually ALWAYS hesitate to call whatever moe has w alfonse 'romantic'#like. i think he does feel/experience romantic feelings. but moe is just so dysfunctional and messy#that like. i don't think it would call anything it feels about alfonse romance.#but it still completely adores him. in a way that's distinct from how it loves sharena and how it feels about anyone else.#even charas it admires. somehow. which honestly jusy leads me back to The Obsession again#also extremely focal is how the demisexuality kicks in. like. it's definitely not devoid of sexuality.#IDK IDK I'M TALKING TOO MUCH I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH AND I'M SO TIRED. I'VE BEEN SO TIRED#i'm not in my feelings honestly i'm just frustrated LMFAOOO LIKE. SCREAMING. WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#why am i preordained by fate to never be loved OR understood. wjat the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#I wasn’t going to post abt this again but it rlly bothered me#I rlly dislike how normalized condescension and downright hostility in the lolita community is#all I did was send a silly little tier list that I put my own time and effort into making#but instead of just…. doing the ranking multiple people decided to be blatantly rude to me because of the title?#like 1. it doesn’t even matter 2. it’s just the fucking title#they also seemed to blatantly misinterpreted what the title was#it said ERA at the end because it was a tier list of the era that AP made things in that particular style#the title wasn’t ‘aps Swassic releases’#I just didn’t know what else to title it yet somehow that was enough to be rude to my fucking face and even comment further to basically#make fun of me#genuinely it’s tiring and ridiculous#sorry that I didn’t title it#the era that angelic pretty made some Swassic#some gothic#some creepy cute#and some sweet releases#like jfc this community’s issue with nitpicking and condescension is why people no longer want to try and do fun things#everyone always asks why blogs and YouTube channels and lolita media in general is dying and it’s because#trying to do anything even for fun in this community is met with these kinds of responses#over a TITLE#that literally doesn’t fucking matter#like I try very hard to avoid ranting because I don’t like conflict but what the fuck#it’s very disheartening#I mean maybe they didn’t realize I made it and they were pretty much making fun of me to my face but even the#why be ok with making fun of smthn ANYONE did just for fun#yaps
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Hoo boy
My OCD's gonna have a field day with this one
#void vents#now that it cannot be argued that I've been in the wrong here#“horrible person. disgusting. you should NOT be around minors 🫵”#the worst thing is that it isn't entirely wrong#I hate it. I hate how my brain works I hate having to live like this#every feeling every thought questioned and scrutinized always. does this make me a bad person what does this imply about me#will I become a monster#will I hurt somebody#I'm tired.#maybe I should just be locked up forever away from everyone else#so that at least if I'm bad it will never impact others#I'm terrified of myself. almost all the time. I'm scared something is wrong with me something incredibly awful#and I can't talk to anyone about it because they'd be disgusted#I need a therapist but we have no money
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Okay, now it’s time to clown over XZS post. It’s a stunning set of ZZ’s ad photos and my favorites would be the red ones.
captioned : A set with a long shelf life 🥫
meaning these sets are from some time ago and why they used the can emoji. xzs occasionally shares photos like this, whether ads or from zz’s trips. i haven’t found a set pattern of when but it happens. some cpfs are saying they shared to divert some attention cause wyb was so loud. lol. but it could also be to counter the hs about him and his previous co star.
These are some galaxy brained ones so don’t take it too seriously…
the captions of both wyb and xzs which were posted today starts with the same character 保 which means different things in how it was used in their posts. but it’s bao. 🤍 baby!!!
Another interesting parallel here is the canned food emoji they used. As i said, it could be because those have a longer shelf life. However, some are saying it could also reference a line from Chungking Express:
If memories could be canned, would they also have expiry dates? If so, I hope they last for centuries.
It’s not entirely impossible, knowing how XZS have a way with words & captions.
This is being connected to the geopark WYB visited in IM ( that we think XZ may have visited too ) , There is a sign there that says:
Ten Thousand Years of Volcano Witnesses. Thousands of Years of Love.
There are different kinds of tourists that go there and what you can do, I even mentioned some doing a photoshoot like they are on the Moon. But this one is more on the romance. Climbing it with the one you love, sharing that moment with them, in a place that has seen this world for so long. Even if the both of you will not last as long as that place, you had that shared time together.
that means the XZS caption ( it’s alternate meaning of course cause we tend to over interpret ) is a an answer to wyb’s photo. he wants to keep that memory. he wants what they have for thousands of years. 🤍
-END.
#yizhan#bjyx#there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do#anyone else’s friday at work so tiring lol#im doing this to relieve stress hahahahahahahaha#im always tired but never of them ☺️☺️☺️
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One of my favorite things from JB's impromptu discord qna the other day btw. Sooooo real and exactly how I see it tbh. They're goofysilly and annoying ♡
#this is one of the devs btw. for those unfamiliar (most of you)#also I will be SO honest#when fans do the ''hehe they're dumb as dirt lolll stupid lmao'' thing it always rubs me the wrong way#I am so tired of the ''working class southerners = stupid as fuck lmao'' trope when it's literally not even in character for them#they're just silly cartoon characters being silly cartoon characters!#tony and much of the summit team can make jokes like that bc they're in on it#(ie they're florida based and those are their characters so it's fully internally directed humor. if that makes sense)#but anyone else? you're on thin ice if not actively being blown up inside my brain#ANYWAY. that was NOT the point of this post. but also it was a little bit bc I wanna use this dev info to kick dirt on those people lol#my sillies ♡#roz posts#♡: 🔨🎰🥃#☆: 🧋🟢💥
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spending more than a few days around your family and no one else truly does cause a certain type of madness. and baby they call me the joker
#ughhhh#travelling with other people after travelling solo is exhausting#wdym i cant just go do my own thing#what do you mean i have to spend this entire time doing shit other people want to do while i just kinda stand around awkwardly bc i dont#have anyone to talk to#what do you meani constantly have to mask more than i ususally do bc i cant look at all neurodivergent or queer or. unhappy. or bored.#or tired#im so tired.#ive got a couple of days in london alone thank fuck#but ugh idk#its just constant 'you should appreciate this!! not many people get to do this!!#cant have a real conversation. treated like a child the whole time. cant even swear.#misgendered and deadnamed the entire time but whats new there#constantly surrounded by people#constantly have to be performing happiness because otherwise youre called rude and told to snap out of it#cant talk to people because everyone interrupts or talks over you or doesnt hear you#cant go on your phone at all if theres anyone around. and theres always people around#constantly on the border of being overloaded at all times but you still have to talk to people !!!#its not even my family this sucksss#'come to england so you can sit in a pub for 3 hours while everyone drinks beer and talks to each other you cant join in on any conversatio#you cant do anything else and if you dont look happy to just be sitting there doing nothing then you get yelled at!! and maybe this is a lit#paid for my own tickets) but#im not. this isnt *fun*. im sitting around surrounded by someone elses family who dont know me and i dont know them#doing shit i actively hate all day#and i constantly have to be performing and acting like im habing a great time the entire time or im spoilt#even thouhg i. i paid for my own ticket here#man i couldve gone to japan again#'isnt england amazing!!" yeah idk it seems like it is!! too bad weve spent this entire goddamn time in some tiny village in the middle of#fuck ass nowhere going on walks that are identical to the ones at home#love to actually go experience it outside of the. one full day. i get in london
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it's so annoying to hear my mom complain about things that I have to deal with everyday. welcome to the fucking club. especially because she never gives a damn when i'm going through sth. for example she isn't feeling well so she doesn't wanna go to school (she went back to school to finish high school) and her illness isn't going away and stubbornly she literally doesn't wanna go to school until she feels better and is sad about it(i mean in general she's depressed cause her life sucks. my life sucks too but i don't constantly bitch about it and expect my children to fix it, like she thinks that maybe if me and my sister talk to our father it'll make him regret being a terrible person or something idk. god he wont even give me money even if i need it for medical reasons or school reasons). I mean I have went to school feeling ill to the point that I was scared I was gonna throw up because she forced me multiple times because she didn't believe me or didn't care. like sorry i can't feel bad for her cause if i was in her position she'd tell me to go to school anyway and to quit crying.
#scribble.txt#vent tag#Fuck my life. its always someone else's problems that matter and i never matter to anyone#and i've given up on trying to talk to anyone about this or anything in general.#im just so tired of talking or interacting wuth people in general cause it takes energy i dont have#i just wanna sleep forever and ever and just never see my mom or dad again.#they screwed me up so bad i'll never be able to be a functional member of society.#and it is their fault. if they had been better people i'd have been a better kid and in turn a better and more functional adult#i mean yeah at one point it is my fault too and i would love to heal myself if i wasnt stuck living with my mom#sorry im just so tired and bitter and i dont have anyone to talk to. a bit dramatic but genuinely no one will understand#talking about my life(the bad aspects of it) makes people uncomfortable so like whats the point.
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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