#why be ok with making fun of smthn ANYONE did just for fun

[frederickkittens]

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[oh-no-its-bird]

Some Cardcaptor Sakura stuff ended up on my dash and now I'm thinking about a classic magical girl au. Magical girl Izuna my beloved,,

Has anyone done that yet? Am I going to have to be the one to do that? I'm totally going to have to be that guy aren't I. You know what tho, I think I'm ok with that

Alright;

✨️ Magical girl Izuna time ✨️

I think one or the biiju should be his animal mascot / contractor. Kurama is the obvious choice but Matatabi could be fun, and also like, cmon, fire cat.

Alternatively though in a totally different direction, maybe Amaterasu can be the contractor. It could both play into Uchiha lore and also have some shit about his power coming from the rising sun with his magical girl transformation. Maybe he gets stronger the higher the sun is in the sky, and then weaker at night to the point that he can barley even transform. Maybe the villain of this hypothetical magical girl show could be contracted by Kaguya, and get stronger with the moon in contrast.

Fun scene where despite it being night, he's able to transform because of sun lamps or some conviniently placed solar pannels or smthn.

Maybe the villain of that episode was depending on tech or something, so he gets to shout some quippy line about how "Oh yeah don't you just LOVE the wonders of modern technology!" Before fucking bludgeoning them to death with a magical girl staff or whatever his weapon is

Anyways, set it in vaguely highschool because this shit is always set in a school and I wanna have fun hitting all the tropes.

It acts on a "monster/villain of the week" system with some big shadowy bad guy apparently pulling the strings behind the curtains. The monsters are all existing people or animals, "corrupted by the shadow of the moon" or something along those lines. The moon promises them power to fulfill their wishes but then the wish will inevitably go wrong or the power will be too much for the person, corrupting them.

Izuna uses the power of Amaterasu's light and violence to purify whatever person/animal and return them to normal. Only some people are harder and sometimes require some good old power of friendship yelling to get through to them (this does not stop Izuna from usually just defaulting to violence tho)

Amaterasu lore dumps on him that they must be being corrupted by the power of Kaguya-hime, who was sealed away over a thousand years ago. And that with each monster made, she must grow closer to fully escaping. Which is why it's important that Izuna purify these people as fast as possible, to make sure that Kaguya doesn't receive power from their contratracts with her.

In the meanwhile, they need to brainstorm a way to put Kaguya back in her prison if she escapes. Because if she continues corrupting people for their energy, unless Izuna finds out how she's able to communicate with them from her prison, she will escape.

I want Hikaku as the token best friend who's let in on the magical girl secret (maybe by accident at first) and helps from the sidelines despite having no real power (he's the one who would have pulled in clutch with those solar pannels / sun lamps)

Tobirama can be the classic "ice prince" character who Izuna kind of hates and has a stupid rivalry with that usually seems one sided; Till he manages to rile up Tobirama enough to bite back

Touka as a foil to Hikaku but for Tobirama, acting as his best friend and occasional pain in the ass for both him and Izuna (she thinks Izuna is hilarious and that the stress migraine he causes Tobirama is good for him)

Seemingly clueless Madara and Hashirama, who turn out to be the reincarnations of the guys who originally sealed Kaguya away. They've both just graduated and seem to be too busy entering the adult world to notice Izuna getting caught up in magic shenanigans

School princess and shrine maiden Mito, who's ancestor was someone who helped to seal Kaguya, and who's family shrine still contains some hints at how they did it.

Itama as that one specific trope of a really sickly guy who everyone at school is always gossiping about, and who Tobirama is wayyy overprotective of.

Izuna, Hikaku, Touka and Tobirama are all in the kendo club. Hashirama and Madara were kendo champions and rivals before they graduated and now Izuna and Tobirama seem to be taking up their mantles.

So, Izuna is defeating new moon-mad monsters every week. A lot of them seem to pop up in conviniently nearby places, but he's no closer to finding out how Kaguya supposedly gets in contact with them.

As his adventures progress, he sometimes catches the coat tails of a mysterious other magical girl, but magic prevents him from remembering their face. But they'll appear and help out when he's in a really bad situation, and he sometimes catches them just watching. Suspicious!! But they're too fast for him to ever pin down for a real conversation.

Anyways; Eventually it seems like the monster of this week is going to be a steadily growing tense and unstable Tobirama. Izuna had started to learn the signs of oncoming moon-madness, and he can sense Kaguya's power eating away at him. He swoops in just in time as he sees the power start to consume Tobirama, only to watch as he's somehow able to fight back and regain control.

Still, Izuna will do his due diligence and burn the power away before it can turn him!

Tobirama does not seem to appreciate this. At all.

Queue identity reveal! Only not on Izuna's end.

So, the first twist in our story is that Tobirama ends up being the bad guy.

Flashback some months ago to when this all started:

Tobirama somehow stumbled on Kaguya where she was sealed away. Just like how Amaterasu can only interact with the real world through Izuna, without a magical girl contracted to her to act as her hands, Kaguya could do nothing to escape. So when Tobirama found her, she was immediatley readying her pitch; promising him power, knowledge, all sorts of things if he just helped to set her free. Even offering to bring back his dead brothers.

Though... well, Kaguya's power was fickle. All gods powers are. Amaterasu was only able to contract Izuna without exploding him with the heat of the sun because he was already born one of her children. And Tobirama isn't Kaguya's to claim, which means he ran the risk of getting fucking vaporized or corrupted or going crazy if he accepted the contract.

But with the promise of bringing his brothers back on the table, he wasn't about to say no. And maybe it was through sheer fucking stubbornness, but he was able to handle it. Kind of. He's managing.

(Which is why Izuna can't just purify him with Amaterasu's light or by talking him down, like he does with every moon-mad monster he fights. He's not possessed like they are, he's a proper countracted magical girl, just like Izuna)

Tobirama was able to bring back Itama and give Kaguya some more freedom behind her seal, but still mostly locked away as she was, Kaguya didn't have the power to bring back Kawarama as well, and Itama was brought back weaker than he'd died as.

Which is when Tobirama took matters into his own hands.

He began approaching other people, much like Kaguya had approached him. Offering them contracts with Kaguya on her behalf— only they turned out to not be able to hold on to the contracts like he could. Being corrupted or going mad and becoming moon-posessed. Still, each contract he made added to Kaguya's power and brought her a little closer to escaping her seal. (And closer to giving Tobirama his last brother back)

(And hey, with Izuna keeping the damage to a minimum and helping purify the people after, Tobirama didn't have to feel as guilty about the damage he was causing)

(Still though, when it looked like Izuna was struggling, he'd try to pitch in. Or when a person made an especially desperate wish or had a specific goal to fulfill with their contract, he'd try his best to help with that. If only as an apology)

But stubbornness wasn't enough to keep him safe from the sharp edges of Kaguya's power forever, and as time passed and the more contracts he made and power he gathered for Kaguya, the more he began to risk being consumed himself.

Which leads back to the here and now, with Tobirama assuming that since Izuna attacked, he'd been made. And Izuna first being really fucking confused, then really fucking concerned, then really fucking mad.

They fight, Tobirama gets away, and the next day Izuna gets to experience the most painful school day of his fucking life. Starting with the realization that, while he can recognize Tobirama since he saw him transform, Tobirama doesn't actually know Izuna is the magical girl

Interlude:

Izuna: What the fuck why did he get a wish when he became a magical girl, I want a wish why the fuck didn't I get one

Amaterasu: :3

Izuna: AND PANTS?? WHY DOES HE GET PANTS???

Amaterasu: teehee <3

Izuna: Don't you fucking teehee me right now

Tobirama, knowing he's going to lose himself to Kaguya's power and aware that a) he's come too far there's no backing out now, and b) he's ok with losing himself if it means he can at least bring Kawarama back, decides to go full throttle. Skips all his classes and dissapears to go do shady shit behind the scenes as he massively moves up the time table for setting Kaguya free

He's already losing himself, might as well pump more power into people to create bigger, badder monsters— getting Kaguya even more power and putting even more strain on himself

This is about when Touka finds out what's happening with him, and decides she's ok with embracing the morally gray lifestyle for her bestie. She gets Tobirama to agree that once Kawarama is back, hes ending this shit for good. But till then, well, she always did tell him she'd have his back no matter what. Now she gets to parallel Hikaku even more!!! Yay!!!

Queue final battle time! Kaguya is on the very edge of escape and funneling more power into Tobirama than ever! Tobirama is either about to explode from the inside out or turn into a whole moon monster, it's unclear but he is this fucking close to losing it all. Quite literally, actually.

Touka gets to have a teeny bit of Kaguya's power for this battle, knowing the fight would be short enough and that she has enough self discipline to not immediatley go moon-mad.

She gets to face off with Hikaku, who gets his kendo sword blessed by Amaterasu so he can fight back against her moon powers.

It's all very dramatic and Tobirama gets to fully break out of his ice prince shell as he and Izuna scream and beat the shit out of eachother.

Im thinking that no matter what happens, Kaguya still gets free in the end and it's revealed that actually she and Amaterasu are like, bitter exes and this whole thing was a fucking lovers spat

Season 2 is just 20 episodes of Izuna being mad at Amaterasu as she and Kaguya make out passionately in the bg

Kidding. Probably. Idk I'm having a lot of thoughts rn, there's a shape of something to continue the magical girl train but I need to go do work shit so I'll leave this here for now and come back to it later

[worstvideogamesong-poll]

Worst Video Game Song Tournament - Round 3 Match 3

The Yoshi Clan - Yoshi's New Island

VERSUS

Mansion Basement - Resident Evil Director's Cut

FIGHT!

I would recommend listening to as much as you can of each song before voting, but how you choose is up to you! Remember to be civil in the tags and replies!

Propaganda under cut:

The Yoshi Clan:

"the ass band will play a song of farts to celebrate your failure"

"#FUCK YOU YOSHI"

"#yoshi sounds like suck"

"#YOOOOOOOOSHI CLAAAAN!!!!!!!! #ok im gonna complete my santa review before getting to my ten page essay on why i love yoshi clan. yea that shit bad #i accidentally started it playing in two tabs at different points of the video which was honestly really fun. i recommend tryin that esp wi #bad songs really adds smthn to the exprience. it was awesoeme #it also just sounds the exact type of awful that that video image implies which is cool. its so perfect. it sounds ass #but. what it can not beat. is my favorite of all time. my darling love. it is time to begin my sermon #ok so yoshi clan is just so beautifully terrible. and truly the whole soundtrack is an orchestra of bad design. and its so fun to look at #that really nice professional looking art for the game and get BLASTED with kazoo #and like. i understand the thought process. kazoo does seem silly goofy yoshi. and it also sounds like a chorus of pain #now this song specifically has some really great awkward pauses. at 0:16 theres like a full 3 seconds of silence. which is SO cool #then the hot cross bun bit that ends at 0:27 gets so sad and deflated at the end of it. like it starts off in time but then clearly the #soloist got kinda embarrassed alone and so rushed and got really quiet. and its just so sad and lonely. its so cool #also some of these pauses have a couple lone far away kazoo squeaks for no reason before the 'melody' comes back in? awesome #but what i really really love about this. what really draws my eye. is the ending. because we go through this entire rigamarole with the #worst secondhand embarrassment of my life. then. 0:43. the kazoos move out. and in. the most genuinely awesome groovy drum beat in the worl #like its SO good. and those last few seconds are like you're in a different world. like you just survived horrors and you are brought to an #angelic chorus. and it lasts what 5 seconds? 5 seconds of beauty after a full 40 seconds of purgatory. in what world do horrors live foreve #while an angel can last for only a flash #its cruelty. its injustice. its completely ingenious. incredible music making. i am in such awe. #anyways thats my manifesto. please feel free to put any of this in the propaganda section op. im passioante"

Mansion Basement:

"this song fucking sucks. i love it."

"[Mansion Basement] is literally what letting my cat walk over my keyboard set on some particularly bad trumpet sample feels like. Spectacular"

"#This is so funny #Who made mansion basement?? #It's so sad!! #And pathetic!!"

"#whaat the fuuuck is up with [Mansion Basement]"

"#like NOTHING can compare to mansion basement #what the FUCK"

"#the mansion basement made me cry #ithink i know who the winner here is #🎺🔥🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥🎺🔥"

"#[Mansion Basement] THO HEEEELP.??? BABY ON FL STUDIO TRYING TO PLAY MARIO UNDERGROUND THEME...."

"#resident evil is a joke song for clowns"

"#I'M NOT LISTENING TO THE OTHER ONE I KNOW FOR A FACT IT'S MANSION BASEMENT #THE STORY BEHIND IT IS WILD TOO SO THAT'S AN AUTOMATIC WIN BABBBEEEYYY" (pollrunner's note if anyone knows what the story is please tell me i am dying to hear about it)

"#i saw the title of this post and literally IMMEDIATELY thought of mansion basement #felt emotionally validated when i saw it was an option #i love that song #in the worst way #like a drunk zombie looking for its keys in an orchestra"

"#im fucking obsessed with mansion basement. sweep"

"#what the hell that is not a real resident evil song #did they really just make that and put it in the game #what"

"#I ACTUALLY LIKE THE BASEMENT SONG because it perfectly captions how like- #the sneaky suspicion of getting diharrea feels"

"#fart basement ofc"

"#Mansion basement is objectively the funniest song ever"

Feel free to add more propaganda in the tags and replies, or send it to me in the ask box and I'll try to share it as soon as I can!

[alovesongshewrote]

If you’re taking requests, maybe something about Doux finding the reader absolutely delirious from lack of sleep? I may or may not have gotten literally any sleep last night and although I managed to get through my morning routine pretty efficiently I FEEL my body just wiping out. I will be comatose within the hour.

Sleep, Darling | Hisirdoux Casperan x Reader

Plot:  you’ve been awake for too long and it is not doing you any favours.  Thank god for punk wizards who care about your wellbeing, amirite lads?  (Also, the pure Irony that this is getting posted at like, 2:40 am where i am, rip me i guess)

Word Count: 2,292

Warnings:  A bit of blood is mentioned in passing, the reader isn’t human and probably has adhd or smthn.  Also, Friends is mentioned, like, the tv show, so that’s a thing!

A/N:   if you look closely, you can actually see me projecting onto this one.  I hope you got some sleep anon.

Tags:   @furblrwurblr @einahpetsyarcip @sorrels-scribbling @anxious-stitcher @alive-and-afraid @animedweeb333 @douxiesdamsel @saroski05

Time isn’t real.  It’s a social construct made to bring order to the general chaos that is human existence.  That was why you were up at 5 a.m for the second, maybe third, night in a row.  Was it healthy?  Probably not, but you didn’t need sleep, you needed answers.  Answers to what?  Who knows at this point, honestly.

You couldn’t say you were surprised when you finally noticed the late, or early hour.  You just shrugged it off and went “fuck it, all-nighter,” which was fine for the moment.  But time’s a bitch, and that moment was over pretty fast.  By noon, you were ready to collapse.  The three cups of coffee did not help.  Instead, they made you vibrate at a frequency that could quite possibly break glass.  As much as this sucked for you, it was worse for your lovely friend and co-worker, Hisirdoux Casperan.

Now, our boi Douxie was and is madly in love with you, but shhh, it’s a secret.  You also love him, and that’s a secret too.  Neither of these secrets are well kept, and the only reason you aren’t together is general stupidity.  Literally, anyone else who watches the two of you interacting can tell that you're in love.  Hell, half the town assumes you’re together already.  The other half keeps trying to get you together.  It is not working very well.  But that’s all a digression.  What you really need to know is that Douxie loves you and watching you suffer from a lack of sleep was Not A Pleasant Experience.  You were delirious, shaky, and constantly off-balance.  You could work well enough, but it was clear that your health was not in the same zone.

The final straw came when you cut your hand on broken glass.  You’d dropped a cup, and instead of using magic, you’d tried to fix the mess by hand.  That plan did not work, and you received a bloody slash across your palm for your troubles.

“Ah.  Fuck,” you said, thinking you were whispering but instead speaking at a normal volume.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“‘S nothing, I’ve got it,” you did not got it, especially not in this state, and Douxie had the good sense to figure that out.  The blood was a pretty good hint though.

“Oh, fuzzbuckets.”

“I told you, I’m toooootally fine, there is nothing to worry about.”

“Here, (Y/N), let me help you-”

“No, no, this is, this is-” it was then that your sleep-deprived brain decided to cut off your train of thought and replace it with another, more chaotic train.  You stopped talking and just stared at Douxie for a solid minute.  Or at least it felt like a solid minute.  Time isn’t real, remember that.

“(Y-Y/N)?  You alright there, darling?”

“You’re really cute, did you know that?  Like… really cute.  Steve was right, you could be a model.”

“I-”

“Also, just gonna put it out there, I freakin’ love it when you call me darling.  Like, I know you call most people darling, but it makes me feel special.  Don’t ask why, it just does.”

Douxie wasn’t planning on asking why.  He wasn’t really planning on anything.  Your sleep-deprived half-confession had turned him from a capable individual into a blushing mess in less than a second.  You always had that effect on him, but it looked like your exhausted state was giving you a bit of an edge.

“Oh, sorry, I made it weird.  Anyway, do you think if I brewed my next coffee with Monster instead of water it would wake me up?   Because I’m still tired, and it isn’t fun.”

“I- you- I’m-”

“I think I might try it, honestly.”

“Ok, how about you don’t do that,”  Archie said, swooping in, literally and figuratively, to save the day, “Douxie, can you please get (Y/N)’s hand patched up?  It looks quite painful and they’re dripping blood onto the carpet.”

You were, in fact, dripping blood onto the carpet.  That wasn’t good, “Oh, that’s- I’m sorry.”

“Don’t fret, just go do something about that hand,” with that, Archie smacked Douxie upside the head in an attempt to snap him out of his flustered state.  It was super effective!

“Ahh, yeah.   C’mon, (Y/N), let’s,,, go,,, fix,,, that.”

“Ok,”  you stood, too tired to protest, and followed Douxie into the back of the bookstore, which was literally just his apartment.  

It was a nice place.  Very cozy, very him.  It made you want to curl up and take a nap, but to be fair, literally everything made you want to curl up and take a nap at the moment.  Regardless, his home made you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside and you never wanted to leave it.  Maybe it was the interior decorating, but you knew it was because your favourite person lived there.  What you didn’t know, or didn’t realize, was that you’d just spoken your entire thought process out loud and Douxie heard every word of it.  Once again, the boy was a blushing mess.  If you were awake enough to process things, you would have found it cute.  Or you’d be dead from embarrassment, that one is a bit of a toss-up.

Fighting through his flustered state, Douxie pulled you into the bathroom and collected a first aid kit from under the counter.  While he focused on getting things done, you curled into a ball in his bathtub.  For some reason, your exhausted brain decided that sitting on the edge of the bathtub simply did not Vibe™ but sitting inside the tub was better than nothing, and so you just,,, curled up there.  Douxie was only a little surprised to see you there.

“(Y/N)?”

“D’you remember that time on Friends when Winona Ryder played a closeted lesbian?  That was a fuckin’ trip, man.”

“(Y/N), darling-”

“That whole episode is just- it’s just strange.”

“(Y/N)-”

“Hehe, Stranger Things.”

“(Y/N), love, I need to see your hand.”

“Oh, fuck, yeah, I forgot.  Here,” you sat up, extending your hand out to the wizard.  He took it, sitting on the edge of the bathtub which was fine for him to do, I guess.  Not you though, you were stuck in bathtub jail for sleep deprivation crimes.

You squinted up at his face as he tended to the nasty scratch you’d given yourself.  You didn’t have the capacity to focus on what he was doing, so instead you focused on him.  He was pretty, as you’d said before, but that was always true.  At that exact moment, his brows were furrowed in concentration, his eyes concerned and his jaw set.  His hands were steadier than yours could ever hope to be, especially since you hadn’t been sleeping.  Overall, he looked kind of mad, so you sunk down into your bath-prison, silent and waiting for him to finish so you could get back to work.

Douxie was not mad at you.  He was upset that you hadn’t been sleeping, but he wasn’t mad.  He was just worried for your health.  Your wizard did not appreciate seeing you shaking and sleep-deprived.  He didn’t appreciate it when your current state led you to injure yourself, either.

He wrapped up your hand and gave it a small pat, “Done.  Now, come on, you’re taking a nap.”

His voice surprised you.  It was gentle, calm, not at all angry like you’d suspected.  You found yourself so lost in it that you didn’t realize what he’d said until he said your name, trying to snap you out of whatever haze you were in.

“Oh, wait, what?  No, shit, I have to get back to work-”

“No, you need sleep.”

“Sleep is for the weak, I need to go-” you stood and almost fell over.  You probably would have broken something if Douxie didn’t catch you.  You hadn’t exactly expected to end up in his arms today, and despite the heat rising in your face and neck, you were not complaining.

“(Y/N)-”

“I’m sorry, Douxie, I-”

“You need to sleep.  Please, (Y/N), don’t make me use a spell on you.”

You froze for a second before a smirk crept onto your face, “You wouldn’t.”

“I-”

“You wouldn’t use a spell on meeeeee-” the smirk grew into a full smile as you let yourself go limp, forcing him to move his hands to support you better and pull you closer to him.  Was that your plan?  Maybe.  Was it part of a second, bigger plan?  Also yes.

“You wanna bet?”

“Sure.”

“I-” and then he went silent.  There was a moment of tension where you just stared into each other’s eyes, holding your breath to see what the other person would do.  Your gaze fell to his lips as his fell to yours.  For that moment, your thoughts began to wander far out of your control.  Douxie’s mind was also running rampant but in a different direction.  You were right, he thought.  He couldn't use magic on you.  As far as he knew, you were a human.  Just a mortal being who crawled their way into his life and stayed there, improving the quality of it greatly.  If there was even the slightest chance that a spell may have negative side effects, which most sleep spells did, he wouldn’t dare risk it, especially not on you.  He sighed, tightening his grip on your waist, “You’re right.”

“What?”  Oop, plan going sideways, PLAN GOING SIDEWAYS!

“I’m- not going to use magic on you,” he helped you to stand, and moved to take a step back before you grabbed his hoodie and pulled him back to you, ignoring the sharp sting in your hand.

“Ok, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on there wizard boy-” you took a moment to pull yourself out of the bathtub entirely, “You can’t give up that easily.”

“Wha-”

“Come onnnnnn, make it fun, make it exciting.  Put a spell on me or whatever, just-” you went quiet for a second, but for once you weren’t distracted.  Just quiet.  You had to face facts.  Your plan had failed, and now you had nothing but the truth.

“(Y/N)?”

“Just make my brain stop.  For just two seconds.”

“What?”

“Please.  I’m running on a motor and I can’t stop myself.  I haven’t slept and I have no choice in the matter.”

“(Y/N)-”

“Look, just, take away my free-will if you have to.  Knock me out, magic or otherwise, I just want five seconds where I’m not on hyperdrive,” you were standing on your own now, though Douxie’s arms were still wrapped around you and you hadn’t let go of his hoodie, “Please.”

The bathroom was silent for a minute.  It took that long for Douxie to process what you’d just said.  You feared, for that moment, that you’d said too much.  You hadn't.  Not to him, anyway.

“Come on.”

“What?”

“Come on,” he said, picking you up, effortlessly sweeping you off your feet.

“Wait, what!?” your voice was slightly more frantic, surprise lacing through your words.

“There’s more than one way to get a person to sleep.”

“Oh-?”

He didn’t respond to your question, instead, he carried you out the door and into what you could only assume was his room.  You had no choice but to wrap your arms around his neck and cling to him for dear life until he set you down on the bed.

“Stay here, okay?  I’m going to make you some tea-”

“Wait!” you stopped him, grabbing his wrist as he turned to leave, “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry, my darling,” he sat in front of you on the bed, “You just need to get some sleep, okay?”

“But what about-”

“I’ll cover your shift, you don’t need to worry.”

“I-”

“Just rest, for now, love.  Please.”

“Ok,” your words were a whisper, something that Douxie could only just hear.  The next thing though, he didn’t have to strain to hear at all, “Yeah.  I meant what I said earlier, by the way.  You’re so pretty, it isn’t fair.”

He laughed at this, at you, finally seeing some humour in your shenanigans.  He relaxed now knowing that you may actually get some much-needed rest.  He stood, kissing your forehead and tracing the side of your face with a hand, rough from guitar strings and 900 years of sweeping.

“Worry not, love, you’re pretty too.”

“Hey, wait-”

“Don’t ‘hey, wait,’ me.  You are.  Now lie down, I’ll be back in a second.”

A smile crept onto your face as you followed orders.  Your emo wizard man thought you were pretty.  And he cared enough about you to let you sleep during work hours, in his home, no less.  You let yourself relax into the bed, grinning once again.  It smelled like him, like thyme and peppermint, lemongrass and sleep.  It was nice, comforting.  You could only vaguely think of Douxie as your brain finally took a fuckin breather.  It was everything you needed, honestly.

By the time Douxie came back, you were long gone, lost to your dreams and finally asleep.  He sighed a smile that matched yours on his face.  He placed the cup of tea on the bedside table before grabbing a blanket out of his closet and draping it over you.  You looked so peaceful.  Good.  You deserved some peace every now and then.

He took the cup and left you, brushing a strand of hair out of your eyes as he did.  After making his exit, he placed the still-hot tea on the counter, disregarding it for now before returning to the bookshop.

“How are they?”  his familiar asked, tail twisting in concern.

He gave a final fond look at the door before returning to business, “They’re just resting.”  And for once, you were.

[enbyblades]

ok so my roommate and i were talking about starop bc i love dragging her into my bullshit...but also its her own fault for asking why i ship them jsdlafsf but anyway we came up with some good angsty content 

so anyway to be honest we were detailing a potential animatic jashdlasfjsf but it kinda led to us talking about the story potential of having this cross faction romance and all that like parallels between characters; theyre in a fight and somehow starscream winds up fighting against optimus and he fires a missile at him but misses a little too intentionally and megatron notices and like squints his eyes and gives starscream shit about it later of course bc hes suspicious and tells soundwave to keep a closer eye on him,,,, 

whereas ratchet, in a separate battle, starscream gets shot down by one of the other autobots and optimus just freezes and he wants to run to star and make sure hes ok and it shows on his face and his body language and ratchets pieced things together at this point, he knows Smthn is going on between those two, cuz hes perceptive and he just,, nods at optimus and turns the other way, off to help the others...he pretends he does not see it. 

and knockout knows, hes still a bitch but he and starscream have smthn of a mutual respect for one another, mostly bc breakdown acts as knockouts conscience ajsdhlsff, so while he teases star like “have fun with your boy toy, screamer? ‘,:)” he still like covers for him when megatron is wondering where he is and hes off with optimus. 

but the SPICY parts, so starscream kidnaps bumblebee and fucks him up a good deal, probably as a desperate attempt to get megatron off his back a little, and when optimus and maybe someone else arrives to save him, star grabs bee in a chokehold with his gun pointed at his head and optimus of course is horrified and trying to talk him down telling him he doesnt have to do this and wondering whY hes doing this, and starscream shoots bumblebee in the torso, not killing him but yknow, hes gonna be out for the count for a hot minute, and flees the scene 

so they dont see eachother for a while, they stop having their secret meetings bc optimus is hurt and starscream is in his own emotional turmoil over the situation. before optimus can figure out how he wants to handle the situation, he gets a complaint from fowler whos like “WHY is this goddamn jet ATTACKING random truckers???” bc starscream, ever so smooth, decided the best way to get ops attention was to. tackle him in alt mode apparently. ratchet gives him a look and says “looks like someones trying to get ur attention...” and optimus decides hell try to find star in their usual meeting place. ratchet of course is like, long suffering sigh “i cant stop you optimus...i just hope you know what youre doing. be careful.”

so they meet and starscream tries to act like everything is normal but of course optimus has to address the elephant in the room, and starscream is like “i thought we agreed to not talk about war and factions when we meet..” and optimus is like “starscream, you grievously injured bumblebee. you know why we have to talk about this” it becomes pretty heated, mostly bc starscream is explaining himself and is frustrated at the world and their situation and is ranting. he apologizes and clearly regrets what he did, and optimus, having the spark of a saint, forgives him tho hes still hurt. starscreams still VERY distressed though. they have This exchange:

“starscream...please. come back with me... you wont feel like you have to hurt my friends anymore. we wont have to sneak out in secret...”

“how many times do i have to tell you i CANT optimus! megatron would KILL me!” (he used to claim that he cant abandon this cause hes worked so hard for, but hes since come to realize the original ideas the decepticons were fighting for have been lost to megatrons batshittery.)

“we would protect you-”

“oh, like you protected CLIFFJUMPER?”

his eyes widen as he immediately realizes how royally hes just fucked up, and he can see it in optimus face that hes barely holding back a whole slew of hurt, disappointment, anger. it hurts twice as bad bc we all know WHO killed cliff, but also bc optimus no doubt has that leader complex that causes him to feel like cliffs death was his fault bc he couldnt lead them well enough to prevent it, and STAR knows this, and optimus Knows that star knows this, and its just..OOF. so optimus holds it in.

“o-optimus, i- im sorry, i didnt-”

“starscream....i cannot abandon my family. so you need to pick a side....and if it is not removed from the decepticons...i dont think it is healthy for us to keep this up.”

“optimus wAIT-”

but hes already transformed and is driving away. 

again time passes, i havent thought this part all the way thru yet, but eventually they meet again somehow and starscream apologizes (again) PROFUSELY, and optimus, in his infinite patience, forgives him again. they meet in their secret place, and its a pleasant normal meeting, but what optimus said is still very much an issue that needs to be addressed, and its lingering. starscream apologizes again for what he said about cliffjumper, and says smthn along the lines of “if anyone could protect me, not that i NEED protection, mind you......id trust you to be able to.”

“then come back with me...”

he looks conflicted. he wants to go so bad, but....

“we’ll see.” 

they kiss and part ways. optimus drives off, but when starscream turns around hes face to face with lazerbeak. soundwave comes out of his hiding place.

“scrap...”

he doesnt bother trying to come up with a lie. he knows it wont get him anywhere. soundwave heard enough, and no doubt recorded it. so instead he pleads with soundwave not to say anything. he promises he wont betray the decepticon cause, he hasnt given the autobots any information and he doesnt plan to, just PLEASE dont say anything. 

soundwave doesnt say a word. he opens a groundbridge and gestures for starscream to walk through first. 

and the next part also isnt totally fleshed out but i imagine he doesnt feel like he has much of a choice, so he walks through and has to face whatever megatron has in store for him unless he manages to escape somehow. whether he gets out on his own volition or is thrown off the ship by megatron is still up in the air, but the ensuing fallout of soundwave finding out and telling megs is what finally pushes starscream to abandon the decepticons for good. 

ANYWAY. YEA. ANGST.

[idk-my-aesthetic]

Ok you can discuss how ppl have gotten into the habit of trying to turn everything into a symptom or w/e the current discourse about mental health talk on this site is w/o mocking adhd/autistic ppl. Y’all know that right?

Like. Look i get that it’s annoying when ppl try to ask if having a favorite color is a adhd/autism thing. But I did the same thing when I first found out adhd existed. I was so fucking excited to learn that “hey maybe I’m not a lazy fuck up, maybe there actually is something different about me” that any scrap of proof I could find I held close to my chest. Especially with all the people telling me that there was no way I had adhd- that I was too smart. It took me 6 years of constantly asking to get a formal diagnosis. And I needed all those little validations to keep fighting.

Idk. Maybe it’s not the best thing to try and psycho analyze every little thing about yourself. But I don’t think it’s the huge deal ppl make it out to be. I think it’s smthn a lot of kids do and will eventually stop doing. I think it’s just part of growing up, especially when your nerodivergent

And I definitely don’t think it’s turning ADHD into a trend or getting ppl to misdiagnosis themselves or whatever tf ppl are saying. Like seriously grow up. You think it’s a bad thing that ppl with adhd are getting too much attention or whatever? Like seriously go to therapy. So many ppl irl still see adhd as “ohh squirrel disease” and there’s literally no positive representation for us in traditional media. Why are you so mad ppl are finally getting the chance to discuss their struggles with other ppl like them

And if your argument is “well everyone online says they have adhd so clearly it’s just a fad”. Online spaces like tumblr are like catnip to ppl with adhd. They’re more accepting and accessibile, it’s easy to indulge hyperfixations with fandom, they’re constantly stimulating, if something doesn’t interest you all you need to do to find something new is scroll, and they’re generally free of the bullies that have mocked us for being nerodivergent. Such a fucking mystery why a lot of nerodivergent ppl would converge here. It’s literally like when everyone was saying “well everyone is gay now bc of the internet” and ignoring the fact that gay kids were in online spaces bc they were safer, had communities of ppl like them and had information/resources

Like fuck guys. I do think there are some problems with how we talk about adhd on this site. For example a lot of adhd symptoms are relatively normal things taken to such high of a degree that they become debilitating. A lot of symptoms of adhd overlap with a lot of other things. These are both things that need to be remembered and aren’t recognized as much as they should be.

But I basically never see criticisms like that I literally just see NT ppl mocking ppl with adhd like we’re back in elementary school. Like go do something productive instead of being a dick head.

I’ve honestly seen more ppl mocking adhd or saying the way we talk about having adhd is problematic than I have seen ppl actually talking about having adhd.

And like, worse case scenario, someone misdiagnoses themselves as having adhd. What are the world ending consequences? They go to the dr and find out they don’t? Or find out they have something else? Hell maybe they find out they don’t have anything but questioning if they did got them to start going to therapy and improve their lives

Like y’all freak out that we’re “confusing ppl” or w/e but shouldn’t everyone do some introspection? Check to see if they feel different bc everyone feels different or if there truly is something different about how they’re wired. Why is this the worst possible thing for you guys

Or is all of that justification so you can make fun of ppl with adhd like elementary and middle school bullies. Literally grow up.

I really feel like the way ppl talk about mental health on tumblr has shifted. One way is how we stopped romanticizing mental illness- which is a really really good thing. But now I feel like discussing nerodivergence at all is like cringey. Ppl used to talk about their symptoms all the time and there were communities of ppl that supported one another. And now I feel like the only time we talk about it is when you guys are once again mocking ppl with adhd and autism. Anyone with basically anything else you ignore. Which is fucked up btw fucking listen to psychotic ppl, ppl with different forms of depression, ppl with personality disorders, etc. it’s really not that hard

TLDR: stop being dicks to ppl with adhd. You can comment on and critic how ppl talk about adhd without being an asshole. Listen to all types of nerodivergent ppl.

[vanhelsingenthusiast]

dracula ask: you mentioned vancula in a previous post, so - in an au where van helsing and dracula are ex-lovers, whats the story there? how did they meet, what was their relationship like, why did it end?

Oooh good ask! 

Ok here’s basically what I was thinking: 

I would imagine that Dracula and Van Helsing met when Van Helsing was young (about 21-22 years), probably through Dracula being friends with Van Helsing’s mom or something. Like, she threw a party one night, and Dracula attended, and him and Bram just got along really well.

I don’t think they would have, like, immediately started a relationship. I think they would just be really good friends, especially because I imagine Van Helsing would have been already engaged or even married at the time they met. Of course, they both are in love with each other pretty much right away. I don’t think they’d be entirely aware of it, though. Like, for Bram, I don’t think he’d know his feelings for Dracula were more romantic just because he thought he was, yknow, a straight man. Whereas I think Dracula would think he was attracted to Bram, but I don’t think he would think he was in love with Bram right away just because he’s Bad at Emotions. So I think there’d be a few years where they’re close friends, in love with each other and in denial, and Van Helsing is married. Eventually, Van Helsing has his kid(s), yadda yadda. (I personally headcanon that Van Helsing has two kids, a son and a daughter, the daughter being the eldest, Anna and Jeroen). 

I think Dracula would have had a lot of harsh feelings against Van Helsing’s wife (whom I have deemed Margareta), but he would have been courteous enough to not let her know about them. Bram would probably know he didn’t particularly like her, but I don’t think he’d know why. I do think Dracula would adore Bram’s kids and be a kinda fun uncle (should be noted I don’t think he would normally like kids). 

Now eventually, Bram would realize he’s in love with Dracula. I think he’d be the first to recognize his feelings as love. I think first it would happen right after they meet, but I think he’d shove those feelings away and ignore them for a long time. In wake of his sons death, though, I think those feelings would come back hardcore especially because his and Margareta’s marriage really deteriorates after that. I think he’d probably really freak out once he first realizes, tbh. 

Ok and now here’s where I get a bit conflicted. So, I don’t think Van Helsing would actively be in a relationship with anyone while he was married. I think he would view it as adultery (which it, yknow, is). BUT I don’t think him and Margareta would be able to split up, whether by divorce, or annulment. I’ve been doing some research, but I’m not Catholic or Dutch Reformed (which was the predominant sect of Christianity in the Netherlands at the time). I know annulments are the only allowed form of marriage split-off allowed in Catholicism, and I think divorces are allowed in Dutch Reformed only under very specific circumstances. I think, if Margareta found out he was gay and in love with Dracula somehow, that it could be qualifications for an annulment, but I’m really not sure. I’m pretty sure it only would be if he actually cheated, which is very ooc for him. I just couldn’t imagine him doing that at all. Then there’s the whole thing of Margareta going to an asylum,,,,,it’s just messy. So I’m still figuring all that out. If I ever do I’ll make a post abt it or smthn. 

So, assuming they stayed married: I think Van Helsing would end their friendship once he realized he was in love with Dracula, just to cut off any “”temptation””. (I hate that word) 

Assuming Margareta and Bram could get an annulment or divorce: I think Bram and Dracula would probably have some sort of partnership for a little while (it was legal for gay people to have relationships in the Netherlands at this time). Of course, Bram would find out Dracula was a vampire, and tbh I don’t think he’d break it off just for that reason. I think he’d probably ask Dracula to stop killing people, and then Dracula would just feed off animals for a little while, and then he’d give in one night and kill a human, Bram would find out and break it off then. 

Either way, I think ultimately it would be Van Helsing to end it. 

Anyways, this was very long and I’m sorry about that lol so 

gist: I think they’d be friends for a while, they’d have a good and strong friendship, then Bram would be the one to ultimately end things, for whatever reason. 

[shes-fast-like-me]

Lifeline and Octane for the ask thing, because I know you and your ways :^)

ah you know me too well lol

Lifeline

fave thing: GOD ajbskqbsa ok i love her???? i love her selflessness??? I love how strong she is??? I love how she looked at all the bullshit her parents have done and said “thats not right” and actually went out and did something about it?? that’s so punk rock??? idk i just see her dedicating her life p much to charity as just so?? strong?? and admirable??? im in love with her??? she rlly honest to god is such a good and interesting character?? like god respawn rly did that and expected me not to fall in love?

least fave thing: this me nit picking the game but give her better skins and quips!! i cant splurge all my life savings on her if all her cosmetics are just meh (aside from london calling that shit slaps)

fave quip: actually the new one where you finish off a squad! “whole squad down and a boom boom!” just the way she says it, my heart just 💘💘

brOTP: lifeline + mirage!!! they are a chaotic duo. sarcastic to each other a lot. friendos. i also feel like she’s the closest thing wraith has to a girl friend. she makes sure wraith takes care of herself and has fun with life. and also obviously she and bangalore hang out a lot, maybe train together idk

OTP: *gestures to my blog* i hope this is obvious enough

nOTP: uhhh her and bloodhound?? or caustic?? idk i just dont see it ever happening

random headcanon: she’s got lots of plants up in her room. she likes taking care of things, but she’s too busy for real pets so she opted for plants. she’s got lots of succulents and cacti and some hanging plants like ivy. tends to go for the low-effort ones becus again, shes rlly busy. but she likes em a lot! there’s just somethin refreshing abt coming home to plants in pretty pots and just playing them music or smthn

unpopular opinion: i honestly?? dont know?? ppl seem to misinterpret her as a “sunshine” character ive noticed but i would say me disagreeing with that portrayal of her is an unpopular opinion ykno

song i associate with them: hhhhhh rihanna’s “only girl in the world” i’m still waiting on somebody to draw her into that music video cus it honestly slaps so hard and i would literally die if it happened

fave pic: i actually just like the official art idk

Octane

fave thing: idk why i’m so hung up on him being like, a youtuber or whatever but i rlly love that. like that is the content i want to see ksnakjsak this is the youtube rep we need!! i just want. to see his videos i rlly do

least fave: this more confuses/upsets me than anything but how??? is he ok???? im dead serious like he puts on such an “it be like that” persona abt him losing his legs and im just like ???¿?¿?¿¿ how are you okay???

fave line: from the trailer!! “this is the least bored i’ve been all day!” i think this quote describes him fucking perfectly its so chaotic

brOTP: again, mirage. two chaos bois. what are they gonna do uh oh!

OTP: i hope we all know the answer to this one by now

nOTP: i dont think i HAVE a notp for octane. him + bangalore if i absolutely had to pick?? just cus i see bangalore as a lesbian personally so

random headcanon: i’ve been meaning to do a post on this but this guy pays for everything. any time he is out with friends or whatever he’s paying. he just does it out of habit he refuses to let anyone pay for anything. also for birthdays or other special occasions u bet ur ass he is spending a fortune on his friends. like why wouldnt he?? he’s rich??? whose gonna stop him??? his parents cant ground him he’s 24 and technically is inheriting the fortune anyway becus where’s that money gonna go?? live wild have fun. also i assume they win money from the games so usually he just gives that all away to charity (usually ajay’s). he also does charity streams sometimes. like he doesnt need that money

unpopular opinion: i agree he’s a disaster but not like. in need of a damn babysitter or whatever, like he’s an adult he can take of himself ykno.

song i associate with them: the most octanecore song i’ve heard has been “Turn The Music Up” by NF

fave picture: yeehaw

[thehyperkraken]

EDIT: yall idk why the actual fic isnt showing up in the tags but this shit is, bc thats literally the opposite of what i wanted, but for the love of god read the fic first and/or instead, that’s the thing i spent more than 20 minutes on: [link]

Hey random idea dump for that one fic i done did yeehaw... it’s almost longer than the fic itself but jesus christ i need to get these ideas out of my head and throw them into the internet ether, seriously don’t read this its a goddamn mess

So ghjkdf the actual plotty part of that fic came from that one b99 bit... the Bone one.....u kno

Arthur: Come on, Dutch. The O'Driscolls thing isn't the problem. You're in a bad mood because you've been so busy planning this heist that it's keeping you and Hosea apart. You two just need to bone. John: Oh no... Dutch: ...What did you say? John: Don't say it again! Arthur: I said you two need to bone. John: Oh my god... Dutch: (with barely contained fury) Hhhhhow Dare you Arthur Morgan, I am thIS GANG'S LEADER!!! You have NO RIGHT to comment on my sex life— (5 minutes later) Dutch, standing on top of a table screaming: BONE?!?!?! (10 minutes later) Dutch: What happens in my bedroom, son, is NONE of your business— (20 minutes later) Dutch, jumping up and down on the table: BOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!! (40 minutes later) Dutch: And don't EVER speak to me like that AGAIN! (storms off) John, sunken down in his chair in horror: Why the hell did you do that? Arthur: (shrugs) They need to bone. John: Gross, Arthur! That's our dads!

And then like a day later gfdhkg

John: Oh hey Dutch! I know you don't want to talk about Hosea, BUT, I had an idea— Dutch: No need, John, it's all good. John: So... your fight with Hosea is over? Dutch: Yep. John: Because you finally figured out a plan for the heist...? Dutch: Nope! Arthur, excitedly: Because you guys—? Dutch: Yyyyep! Arthur, looking smug: Knew it. John: Ugh... Arthur: (leans down close to him) See, what happened is, our dads had sex— John: UGH, SHUT UP!

Another inspiration I had was John Mulaney’s bit about zoning out for John with adhd,,,,, the part where he’s like “the doctor was reading me the results of a blood test, it was IMPORTANT that I LISTENED, but NO, I zoned out, I was like, I’m just gonna stare at the wall and think m’thoughts” that’s why I wrote the part where John was like “ehhh attention deficient something something disease” bc it made me laugh gjhggdjh

Dutch: so the doctor says you have ADHD John: (thinking about minecraft) what?

Also unrelated but blease consider Arthur teaching John to drive like

Arthur: are you watching the road? John: ........I am looking through the windshield Arthur: John: .......and I’m not gonna hit anyone...... Arthur: John: ....but no. I’m thinkin’ about minecraft

(Also I don’t know anything about ssb I’ve played it once and hated it, minecraft is my og video game love, but Abigail beating John at ssb is funnier, I’m a fake gamer boy :^( rip)

ONE MORE INSPIRATION THAT ONE VINE ITS MY FAVORITE VINE

Arthur: are you drinking coke for breakfast? John: yeah, what did you have for breakfast? Arthur: ........nothing John: (sipping his drink) I’m doing better than you, then

Anyway onto ACTUAL IDEA STUFF HOORAY

So when Dutch and Hosea decided to adopt, they agreed they wanted to take in kids who needed good homes the most, so they were specifically looking for older kids who would probably age out of the system and wind up on the streets

They met Arthur who was a clearly depressed and gender non conforming thirteen year old who hated everyone and everything and wasn’t getting the Love he Deserved, and Dutch was like “I want THAT ONE, with the SAD EYES”

Arthur tried to push them away at first, cuz he absolutely didn’t trust anyone, and some part of him believed they’d just give him right back up for adoption if he disappointed them in any way. But he eventually learned that they were good guys who really just wanted to help him, and they weren’t gonna abandon him if he wasn’t the perfect kid they always wanted

(he probably told them about this fear eventually and Hosea just snorted and was like “if we wanted a perfect kid we woulda got a cabbage patch doll. something that wouldn’t scream or make a mess” and Dutch was like “yeah! or like a 27 year old with a job and their own house and kids of their own. pre-made grandkids” and Hosea was like “or a cat” and Arthur was like “...okay”)

Anyway it took a loooong time but Arthur eventually trusted them enough to come out to them as trans, without really knowing the proper words for everything, just knowing that He Is A Boy And That’s That. As much as Hosea is the one the lads go to to talk about stuff and get comfort and Wise Dad Advice, he probably told Dutch first bc he was more uncertain how he’d respond and he wanted to get it over with in the worst way possible.... like, if they were gonna react badly, heap all the bullshit on in one fell swoop

I imagine he did it off the cuff too, in response to something Dutch said, like Dutch was like “u get back here right now young lady” and Arthur was like “first of all I’m not a lady, I’m a BOY, and second of all FUCK you, I do what I WANT” and Dutch was like “groovy. you’re grounded.” Arthur was like (offended) “don’t say groovy... don’t try to be hip” and Dutch was like “no it’s totally tubular that ur a boy. It’s absolutely funky. You’re fucking grounded though”

Then he went and told Hosea like “congrats! it’s a boy” and they helped him transition and they didn’t tolerate a single person misgendering him the whole time. Like before he’s even begun transitioning, they’re literally at the doctors office to discuss it w/ their doc for the first time, and a nurse is like “ms. morgan?” And Dutch is like “INCORRECT” and the doctor is like “what seems to be the problem (deadname)?” and Dutch is like “FOOL! THIS CHILD WAS LABELED INACCURATELY, WE REQUIRE A GENDER RETRACTION” and Hosea’s like “please stop yelling”

Anyway probably about a year later they got John when he was ten and Arthur was fifteen. Arthur was a little bit jealous like, wow, am I not enough kid for u, but Dutch and Hosea always planned on getting at least two bc they wanted them to have siblings, and they know John came from a pretty abusive situation, so Arthur can’t be too mad at him. At least until he met John and realized what a fucking brat he is

Since John was younger and way more desperate for affection, he immediately loved Dutch and Hosea just bc they were nice to him, he was ready to call them his dads within the month but he was nervous that it was too soon and they’d be weirded out. But I imagine he got triggered by something and had a meltdown and they got to see just a glimpse of what he’d been through, and Dutch and Hosea were falling over themselves trying to comfort him and tell him they love him and now I’m making myself cry :’^(

Anyway... from that point on John was like “these are the only dads I’ve ever had and I would kill a man for them.” He gets in trouble quite a bit bc he’s Naughty, but Dutch and Hosea always make sure to punish him fairly and never yell or be physically intimidating with him or permanently take away his stuff, like they make him do chores to earn back the right to use the xbox or something. And they always explain to him exactly what he did wrong and why he’s being punished and talk to him about how he can make it better or what he can do next time, or if there’s a root problem, like he’s acting out bc he’s overwhelmed with school work or smthn, how they can help him. Especially after he gets diagnosed with ADHD

And of course they do all this with Arthur too, but they make a special concerted effort with John bc he’s The Baby :^) and Dutch somehow maintains an attitude of “idk what ur talking about, John has never done anything wrong ever in his life” every time he gets in trouble meanwhile Hosea is like “what do you MEAN, he’s a GREMLIN” fjfjfhhf

Arthur was probably diagnosed with depression and anxiety at some point... it was probably a long process to get him to even admit he had a problem bc he didnt wanna bother anyone... Arthur also probably came from an abusive situation from the way canon Arthur talks about his dad, but Arthur is much more the type to be like “i’m gonna keep all my feelings inside, and then one day, i’ll die” whereas John is like “i will SCREAM if i get a papercut”

[EDIT: i woke up in a cold sweat at 4 AM with this in my head so now i’m putting it here

Charles: So, Arthur... Do you wanna talk about your feelings? Arthur: No. John: I do! :) Charles: ...I know, John. John: I’m sad! :) Charles: I know, John.

i’m sure it’s been done before but it’s so good. ok now back to our regularly scheduled programming]

In regards to Arthur being trans, John doesn’t really Get It, Arthur tried to explain it to him once and John couldn’t care less, all he knows is Arthur used to be a girl or something, there’s tea involved probably, and John is thinking about minecraft again... he has 2 am thoughts about it sometimes and comes to Arthur like “what IS gender” and Arthur’s just like “hm. big mood”

Dutch is “Dad” and Hosea is “Papa” or “Pa” or “Pops” or “Dad, No Not You, The Other One” or “Other Dad.” Hosea really doesn’t mind at all, he wouldn’t care if the kids called him Hosea or mom or anything else, it truly isnt important to him. But Dutch Loves being Dad. Every time they call Dutch Dad he grows three times stronger and 10 years are added to his lifespan. Dutch is an Alpha Parent, he 100% goes to every parent teacher conference and bake sale, he’d go to every game and concert too if either of his kids had a single athletic or musical bone in their dumb little bodies. I guess the school probably hosts art galleries sometimes to display art the kids make, Arthur always has a drawing in one of those, and Dutch will absolutely go just to brag about his cool son.

Dutch is the Fun Energetic Dad who embarrasses the boys in front of their friends but can always be talked into taking them out to get ice cream. Hosea is the more quietly anxious dad, he makes sure they do their homework and keep their rooms clean and shit, and he's the one the kids always go to talk to when they’re having problems... like Arthur will rant for an hour and a half about high school drama and Hosea will patiently listen to all of it and when he's done he’ll offer to kick the other kids’ asses for him, and Arthur’s like lmao but Hosea Means It.

Hosea is also the one the kids go to for help on their homework because Hosea and Dutch have five brain cells between them, and four of them belong to Hosea. Dutch is like “suddenly I don’t remember basic math, time to make shit up” and Hosea is like “I must become an expert on 1820s Chinese history in two days for my beautiful sons”

I have NO idea what either of their jobs are, I wanna say Hosea is a lawyer or smthn but idk, Dutch is probably like......................a used car salesman LMAO...... they clearly make a lot of money (or maybe STOLE SOME) bc I gave them a huge house w/ a pool gjhkdhg

Anyway more about THE KIDS

They go to a school that is a combination middle school and high school, bc that’s what my school was like

Mrs. Grimshaw is the strict and irritable principal with a secret soft spot for kids, Mr. Pearson is the cafeteria cook, Strauss works in the office, I wanna say Rev. Swanson is a weird but friendly janitor or something lmao. Uncle is Dutch & Hosea’s annoying forever-drunk neighbor who everyone barely tolerates fjfjhfh

Micah is The School Bully but like bc this is a cutesy high school au and I can do what I want, he’s not actually like a violent racist or anything he’s just a bad mad sad kid who is a huge dick

Bill is Micah’s Bully Henchman, he’s generally not as much of a dick as Micah is, but he punches whoever Micah asks him to bc they are the closest thing to friends that either of them have

Trelawny is a new student who just moved from another school and he’s that fucking Weird Magician Kid who can’t hold a conversation longer than five seconds without saying “wanna see a magic trick,” tried to do some unimpressive card tricks for the school talent show, unironically wears a cape, etc.... Arthur stood up for him when he was getting pushed around by Micah and Bill so now Arthur has +1 more weird friend

Karen is the Popular Girl who somehow knows everyone, is probably a cheerleader, everyone is either extremely intimidated by her or thinks she’s gonna be a stuck up bitch, but she’s actually just super fucking chill and nice, WILL stab a man for her friends, she won’t hesitate bitch

Tilly is Karen’s bff who was getting bullied by *shakes fist* those dang foreman brothers.... Karen stood up for her and Tilly was like “no don’t u will get hurt!!” and Karen was like “ha... fool... cheerleaders cannot die” and whooped ass with her gymnastics skills and somehow got the foreman brothers expelled. So now Tilly is like “I owe u one (1) Life Debt” but Karen is like “nah it’s chill just come to target w/ me & we’ll call it even.” Tilly is just tryna get shit done and do her damn homework but everybody else is going on adventures and being nuisances so of course Tilly has to go too bc come on....... who do you take her for, some kinda two-bit GEEK? NO WAY

Mary Beth is a quiet nerdy girl who’s always reading or writing and never talks in class or anything. Karen and Tilly became her friends thru sheer brute force, Karen just sat by her one day n was like “sup” and Mary Beth was too shy to ask her to leave. They were surprised to discover Mary Beth is actually pretty nice and funny when you get to know her and also the Biggest Lesbian Alive

Sadie is a BAD BITCH... NOBODY fucks with Sadie, not even Micah, Sadie is the girl who when some dipshit boy spreads a rumor that he had sex with her, she agrees and tells everyone she pegged him and he cried after, she hasn’t given a fuck since 2007. she climbs on the roof to get lost frisbees. one time she got the gym coach to agree to give her an automatic A in the class if she did 100 push ups in 5 minutes. Then she Did That. She might have pulled several muscles in both of her arms but She Did That. Karen, Tilly, and Mary Beth (but mostly Karen) approached her like “damn that was sick” and Sadie was like “yea i know” and then they were friends

I literally don’t know anything about Sean I’m sorry...... maybe he’s a transfer student who becomes friends with John, they play Minecraft together and Sean boobytraps the houses John builds. Sean is the only living human being who understands how redstone works and he uses his powers for evil

Molly is going to a nearby community college and is working at the high school part time as a TA and she is like 19-20 or smthn so the kids all think she’s The Hottest Shit,,,, like they think she’s just the coolest hippest person alive, but also she is Very Attractive so fuckin everybody has a crush on her, most specifically Javier and Mary Beth. She ineptly tries to flirt with Dutch every time he comes to a parent teacher conference bc she’s dummy thicc and thinks it’s friendship goals that Dutch lives with and has adopted children with his Best Bud Hosea

The teacher Molly is TA for is Charles Chatenay, an all-grades art teacher who takes his job WAY too seriously, like dude chill they’re high schoolers. His class is where Arthur met Albert, bc Arthur loves drawing and obviously Albert loves photography. They were both like “wow he’s cute” but were too shy to talk to each other for more than basic pleasantries, until one day Albert’s Big Project was ruined a day or two before he was gonna turn it in, and Arthur helped him fix it.

They’re so sweet on each other it’s unbearable, they’re both Soft Boys so they fuckin blush if they make eye contact...... the most bold either of them get is when Arthur is feeling insecure about his body and Albert gladly tells him how perfect and handsome he is in every way, and he wishes he was half as gorgeous as Arthur is, and Arthur is like (offended) um, excuse me, how dare u insult my beautiful boyfriend in this way?? They both wanna grow beards so while they’re still going thru Changes they excitedly bond over their facial hair......... they run up to each other at school like LOOK AT MY NEW CHIN HAIR and the other one is like WOW!!! GOOD JOB

Javier has a big lovely family who spoil him rotten and tbh love to spoil his friends when they come over too, his parents are in a constant and devastating game of dish-gifting with Dutch & Hosea, Arthur and John have eaten more of Mr. & Mrs. Escuella’s tamales than any other food, neither Dutch nor Hosea are very good cooks but luckily Javier has plenty of aunts and uncles and cousins who are happy to occasionally take one of their unimpressive lasagnas or cakes from a box mix

Lenny’s cool dad in canon is the high school au dad of Charles and Lenny, he and Charles’s mom amicably divorced and he got remarried to Lenny’s mom, who is a Cool Stepmom to Charles. Charles and Lenny go stay with Charles’s mom all the time, in fact she was around so much when they were younger that she practically helped raise them both. maybe she gets a gf and Charles and Lenny have so many moms and are so loved & cherished like they fuCKIN DESERVE

Kieran is the weird horse girl at school, he’s Lenny’s age, they become friends when they’re forced to sit next to each other and they’re both too awkward and shy to say anything until they’re paired up on a project together bc everyone else in the class already paired up and they were the only ones left gjkhfd.... John wants to dislike Kieran bc Lenny is HIS friend now, but Kieran is a sweet lad with a mean dad.... His dad is Colm O’Driscoll, Dutch & Hosea’s other neighbor and Dutch’s sworn enemy

Dutch expects Kieran to be as shitty as his dad, but he is a SWEET BOY, and as soon as they realize his situation, they tell Kieran he can come over whenever he wants and spend the night any time, he doesn’t have to ask or anything, but Kieran is super respectful and always asks permission and always tries to come over when John or Arthur are there so he can go under the pretense of hanging out with them, bc he doesn’t wanna intrude...

Once he came over when Hosea was the only one home and he was like “hi Mr. Matthews are John and Arthur home” and Hosea was like “no sorry they’re out” and Kieran was like “oh... ok sorry I’ll just go then” and Hosea was like “absolutely not” and brought Kieran in and made him snacks and wrapped him in many blankets and watched a kids movie with him until he fell asleep on the couch... when Dutch came home he was like “??? new son ???” and Hosea was like “yea I guess. oops”

When Kieran gets older they help him become an emancipated minor and get a job and his own place (even tho he knows they’d let him stay with them if he wanted) and he changes his last name to his mom’s maiden name Duffy... Colm and Dutch glare at each other over their fences and Colm is like “enjoying stealing my son?” and Dutch is like “my son now” but Colm really doesn’t care bc he’s an asshole... and even tho they don’t legally adopt him, Kieran’s like “I’m more of a Van der Linde than an O’Driscoll” and oops i’m making myself cry again :’)

And yes Abigail does eventually teach John how to play stupid super smash bros. She’s Pro Gamer level of competent at nearly all video games and John has the biggest heart eyes for her, the end thank u for listening

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 11)

All right, now that it’s been 4 months and I’ve read all the other things, I realized that it’s, like, 5 days until this book has been out for a year and I should probably get the fuck on with it, so. Here we are.

Part 11 encompasses pages 828-934 (previous parts)

me in July: I’m almost done! I can finish this!

me, now: sweet christ I have a smaller novel’s-worth still to get through lord let me live

Aw, damn, I left off on Interludes, but I DON’T CARE ABOUT VENLI, WHERE MY BOYS AT

oh SNAP I WANT THAT, the ability to speak and understand all languages???? GRABBY HANDS

ah yes the “the alethi enslaved us so we should rise up and kill them by enslaving ourselves to this other, more horrible godlike being” narrative. my favorite.

sigh

why we gotta EXTERMINATE people?

I’m tired. of extermination plotlines.

Maybe. Venli and her lil light spren will stop? the extermination!? I’m here for that!

“There was an art to doing laundry” HONESTLY THO, HAVE YOU MET COLLEGE-AGE BOYS WHO NEVER LEARNED HOW MUCH SOAP TO USE? AMEN.

oh.

I forgot about Mraize. 

like, literally, 100% forgot about his existence. sorry alyx.

eyy, we found Shalash!

HE WAS LOOKING FOR HER?? IT WAS A TRAP??

admiralakbar.gif

...Mraize has a babsk? I didn’t think he was Thaylen????

“A resistance is not what we caught you mounting.” UGH. PICK THE HAMMER, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

Why do I feel like this is a “HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR. BRING FORTH THE BEAR” joke?

yeessssssss, VENLI!!! TAKIN RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!! I CARE NOW. I WANT HER TO BE BETTER, I WANT HER TO WORK THROUGH. GIIIRRLL!!!!

HOW LONG WILL YOU VACILLATE?

YESSSSS

gr oss? Tha nk s? for the melting flesh images??

yelch

PART FOOUUUUUURRR

that’s. so many POVs. What is this, a GRRM book?

also none of the POVs are Bridge Four and. WHEN WILL MY BOYS COME BACK FROM THE WAR.

wait, I could have sworn the Alethi had been fighting the Parshendi for ten years?? but Dalinar is talking to Gavilar EIGHT years ago?

Did I miss smthn?

Did I conflate the Shattered Plains with the Trojan War? I’m confused.

Lisa has done Math for me and found out that it was only 6 years????????? Why did I think it was ten??? I COULD HAVE SWORN IT WAS TEN????

“his job was to loom” heheheh

so... Dalinar is the nuclear deterrent and the nuclear threat all in one?

Dalinar, leaning into the mic: “The truth is... I am Iron Man.”

#Evideservedbetter2kForever

OH NO A BABY

TINY FIFTEEN YEAR OLD ADOLIN IS MAKING MY HEART SING

“I had this specially tailored” I LOVE HIM

OHHHHH

HE’S TRYING SO HARD TO IMPRESS HIS DAD I’M CRYING

“When censured, Adolin only tried harder.” I! LOVE! THIS! TINY! SUNLIGHT! BOY!

I wanna write fic where Adolin Kholin meets Luke Skywalker and the world literally EXPLODES IN SUNLIGHT AND SOFTNESS.

“Who could deny him?” CERTAINLY NOT ME, I WOULD DIE FOR ADOLIN KHOLIN TOO GOOD TOO SOFT FOR THIS WORLD

me, squinting: “which Herald is Ahu?”

my running method is to just suspect everyone of being a Herald. At some point, I’ll have to be right.

WHICH! HERALD! IS! AHU!

HE’S TALKING ABOUT THE UNMADE LIKE HE KNOWS THEM PERSONALLY, TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY LET THEM IN. WHICH!!! HERALD!!! IS!!! AHU!!!!

LISTEN, I JUST WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE HERALDS. GIMME A BOOK ABOUT THE HERALDS, BRANDON!

GIMME THAT JUICY GOOD BACKSTORY, BRANDON!!!

me: why is there a map with the sea but Kholinar is on it???

two seconds later: OOOHHH DUH IT’S SHADESMAR

wack y fun!

ARE DREHY AND SKAR OKAY???? THEY DIDN’T COME WITH???

ARE THEY OKAY?

OH NO OH NOO I’M GONNA WORRY AOBUT THEM FOREVER

Adolin, say hi to your swwooooorrdddd

....the Oathgate has souls?

what?

Fearspren: gross.

I knew they were all bigger on the inside, as it were, but. #yikes?

“Kaladin’s not well.” “I have to be well.”

BRB SOBBING ABOUT KALADIN

I’M!

HE’S SO STRONG

I’M! HELP!

GIANT CLAW? UNMADE!!?? LET’S KILL IT. IDK IF WE CAN BUT CAN WE TRY??

“sword lady” HEH

ok well, at least we know Drehey is alive, since Shallain bumped into his soul, which is both TERRIFYING and REALLY COOL

YOU’RE NOT NOTHING, ADOLIN, YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND I LOVE YOU.

*long keening noises*

I FELL ON THE FLOOR

“Hey,” Adolin said. “It will be all right.” “I survived Bridge Four,” Kaladin growled. “I’m strong enough to survive this.” “I’m pretty sure you could survive anything. Storms, bridgeboy, the Almighty used some of the same stuff he put into Shardblades when he made you.” Kaladin shrugged. But as they walked onto the next platform, his expression grew distant again. He stood while the rest of them moved on. Almost like he was waiting for their bridge to dissolve and dump him into the sea. “I couldn’t make them see,” Kaladin whispered. “I couldn’t...couldn’t protect them. I’m supposed to protect people, aren’t I?”

GUESS WHICH PART BROKE MEGAN

GUESS WHICH PART DUMPED MY HEART ON THE FLOOR

ANYWAY, I’M CRYING

THISISFINE.PNG

“I’m frightened. I talk when I’m frightened.” I LOVE HIM.

ADOLIN’S HELOIGN HIM HE’S MAKIN HIM TALK TO DISTSRAT HIM AND MAKE HIM JEEP WALKING AND I”M

I LOV A SUNSHINE BOY

SO MUCH

...is Vivenna okay?

oh shiiit, Adolin is? king????

sort of? almost??

oh man, he’s gonna be SO GOOD AT IT!!!! LOOK AT HIM TAKING CHARGE AND TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE. HE’S SUCH A GOOD LEADER, HE’S GOING TO BE SOOOOOO GOOOOOOODDD AT THIS!!!!

that chapter was a Lot

OH NO A SZETH CHAPTER

I’ve only been asking for this for tHE WHOLE BOOK

but now I’m gonna be MORE SAD

.......idk how I feel about the soul-after-image thing. it’s interesting, but I’m still a lil weirded out by Szeth...you know...being alive?

huh. Vasher knows about the magic fish? So....does this validate Lisa’s theory about the fish and the birds from that other cosmere thing I can’t remember bc I haven’t read it?

holy shit, that’s a LOT of skybreakers.....

...who have been around the WHOLE TIME???? WTF

So...Szeth can hear the Spiritual Realm.....and is going to bond a spren, of the Cognitive Realm...and is in the Physical Realm... so does that make him the Avatar, Master of All Three Realms?

(while he may have a lot to learn, I believe that Szeth can save the world)

hm. they’re so...regimented. militaristic. ritualized. They’ve got tests and rules for getting in and it’s all very well-put-together. and it’s WEIRD compared to everyone else stumbling into their Ideals. Is this what is was like before the Recreance? or is this just the Skybreakers being Skybreakers?

why are there kaladin flashbacks in the dalinar book, why, brandon, why must you hurt me in this way

Brandon: *mentions Tien* Me, softly: “no”

HE REALIZED HE COULD KILL AND THAT’S WHAT TERRIFIED HIM

THISISFINE.PNG

I’M EMOTIONAL AND KALADIN IS SAD AND I’M UPSET

Also, Syl just. grabbing his arm and snuggling him is VERY GOOD, SHE IS VERY GOOD, AND SHE SHOULD BE WORSHIPED FOR BEING SO VERY WONDERFUL

“It cannot be holy. If it truly were, it would have burned me away long ago.” I’M SAD NOW, THANKS.

I have weird emotions about people losing their faiths, and Szeth’s character arc has been particularly. compelling to me.

“Here’s what you have to do: fight him and win!” has the same energy as that obnoxious Assassin’s Creed “tip” that’s like “the trick to staying alive to is get your enemy’s health bar to zero while keeping your above zero” and I’M SO PLEASED.

ooohh shit

he drew Nightblood

which I feel is NOT RECOMMENDED

# Y I K E S

Skybreakers take the “lawful” part of DnD alignments to a very unhealthy extreme

tbh they’re a lil fucked up, ngl

Skybreakers make me uncomfortable, is what I’m saying.

“he had never mastered the ‘sleep anywhere’ skill the grunts bragged about” NEERRRRDD

WHEN WILL ADOLIN REALIZE HE’S A REALLY GOOD LEADER??? SOMEONE TELL HIM, I WOULD BUT I’M TOO FAR AWAY.

oh that makes sense

I was confused for a hot second about how Vivenna knew Adolin’s kata, but she probably learned it from Vasher who...also...taught Adolin. Duh.

“I’m just a woman who has been constantly out of her league since adolescence.” Viveennnnaaaaaa, darling. You’ll be all right.

also that makes total sense--the Horneater Peaks? If they’ve got a portal, it makes sense they’re so much more in tune to the spren. Easier border crossings.

PEOPLE live in this realm? What the??

I don’t know Nazh, but the fact that he has an embarrassing tattoo due to Horneater lager bad decisions DELIGHTS ME

hm. idk why I’d sort of assumed that Dalinar went to visit the Nightwatcher before Gavilar died, but. maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it was a consequence of Gavliar’s death. 

“the other one” GET FUCKED WITH A CACTUS, PAST!DALINAR 

OOHH

SOFT BOY

Renarin is such a Good

also, Dalinar HUGGING is SO GOOD KEEP DOING THAT THAT WILL HELP

“Humans, you must stop your emotions. They are very inconvenient here.” I think, Pattern dear, that Shallan rather thinks emotions are inconvenient everywhere.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

HERE WE ARE AGAIN

ANGER IS ALWAYS THE FIRST STAGE OF DEPRESSION

HELLO, KALADINMEGAN BRAIN, IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU WERE SO NEATLY SPELLED OUT BUT HERE WE ARE AGAIN

“You’re not angry at anyone, you’re just looking for something to latch onto. Something to feel.” To stave off the darkness of unfeeling and anger is easy. It’s irrational and warm and so easy. So it’s always the first one to go.

“It would continue until numbness seemed preferable.” GOD YUP. THERE IT IS.

It’s still really validating and really, really unsettling to see your brain problems spelled out so succinctly.

oh lord

“Men he loved, killing each other.”

I’M UPSET

(and the very tiny garbage part of my brain goes, ‘see he LOVES Moash’)

ADOLIN TAKING THE REARGUARD BECASUE SOMETIMES KALADIN NEEDS LOOKING AFTER I’M EMOTIONAL

Syl had a different Kaladin before Kaladin?? Wild.

and GOD but the symbology of the LIGHTHOUSE in Kaladin’s chapter. I’m. <3

EEEYYYY NAVANI!!!

she made them carry their own chairs, GOD THE MEANING BEHIND THAT, I LOVE HER

“Elhokar and Adolin are safe somewhere.” ABOUT THAT....

LOPEN, PLS

Bridge Four’s unwavering belief in Kaladin is SURE A THING. I love them SO MUCH.

also, god, MY BOYS, here they are, eating all the food and being ridiculous losers at a formal event I HAVE MISSED THEM SO

god, fuc you Ialai. ofc she didn’t carry her own chair, fukin JERK

good to know the assholery of the Sadeas name is being upheld, even after his death

god, every time Taravangian is mentioned, my gut just clenches, he makes me SO NERVOUS

GOD YES OH MY GOD, LIFT VS ROCK EATING CONTEST PLS GIMME MORE

I have forgotten that I love Sebarial. Petition for him to show up more often.

OH GOOD HE’S HAVING A BAD DAY. EXCELLENT. HE’S MUCH BETTER WHEN HE’S STUPID

...unless he’s super smart today and just pretending to be stupid.

fuck

IT’S SO HARD TO TELL WITH HIM ARGH

ANYONE ELSE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE DISCUSSION OF INVADING SHINOVAR WHEN SHINOVAR IS THE ONLY PLACE THAT DOESN’T HAVE A REPRESENTATIVE AT THIS COUNCIL???? JUST ME? OKAY.

also they keep talking about Shinovar as a redoubt and a haven, but....didn’t the Everstorm--going the wrong way--destroy Shinovar? Has anyone checked??

Navani is so clever and it’s brilliant.

“Taravangian was talking about having you tour Vedenar personally”....alone....so he can MURDER YOU. BAD IDEA. ABORT MISSION.

KALADIN HAD AN OLD LADY SLAVE FRIEND WHO DIED AND I’M SAD AGAIN DAMNIT

“He’s got battle fatigue. We have to watch him when he’s sitting around doing nothing, not when he’s got a specific mission.” MMMMMMHHHMMMMMMM

the future is forbidden, but not to Truthwatchers, sooooooo... is. this “Oracle”. a.......... Herald? PERCHANCE.

(He’s not, but I AM SUSPICION INCARNATE)

Weren’t they lying at the beginning and saying that Shallan was an Elsecaller? Because Odium thinks she’s an Elsecaller for some reason. And I wonder...who he’s spying through and where his attention is focused and who told him the lie?

KALADIN JUST WANTS TO SAVE HIS DAD IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK

aight, which world does canned food come from? How far ahead is the mistborn world whose name I can’t remember right now but it begins with an s SCADRIAL YEAH THAT ONE how far ahead is Scadrial in technological progression? Where does the Stormlight Archive fall on the mistborn timeline?

ADOOOLLIINNN. TALK! TO YOUR SPREN!!!

THEY DON’T KNOW??? THE BOYS DON’T KNOW? HOW THEIR MOTHER DIED?

HOW DO THEY NOT KNOW?

oh my god

that

god, that’s a huge lie to believe for so, so long. ohhh my goddd

someone has been writing down all the Unmades’ names, right? So I can look them up in the Coppermind later and be confused and try to work out which is which and what they do and how terrified I should be of them? cool thanks.

HELLO DARKNESS, MY OLD FRIEND

HE’S GONNA TELL US SECRETS!!!!! ARE THEY USEFUL!? WILL I LEARN THINGS ABOUT THE HERALDS!!!!??

I have one (1) priority in this establishment

...why does Syl have color

who is she

also LIGHTSPREN/REACHERS??? COOL AS FUCK OMG

“You don’t fly, you fall the wrong way.” Hehehehehehe <3

I HAVE MISSED KALADIN’S SELF-DEPRECATING JOKES THAT ARE FUNNY BUT ALSO VERY PAINFUL god, I love him. I love him so much. idk if y’all know this about me.

...ok, but the punny banter between Kaladin and Shallan is SO NICE Why do they have to be mean to each other so often why can’t they just be terrible sarcastic pun buddies?

“In that polished breastplate and striking figure, with her talk of chasing bounties and traveling worlds. She’s deeply mysterious.” CAREFUL, SHALLAN, YOUR BI IS SHOWING.

“The feeling was friendship, but neither of them had ever experienced it.” 

NOPE

NOOOOOOPPEE

WHO WANTS TO BET THIS SCENE IS SHIP FODDER DEAR LORD

Kaladin, darling, that shit is SO UNHEALTHY, DO NOT ENCOURAGE THIS

god

also like. darling. no. “I wish I didn’t have to care” DARLING ALL YOU DO IS CARE WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT CARING

THIS IS GOOD FOR NEITHER OF YOU STOP

DO NOT ENCOURAGE THAT IN HER AND DO NOT WISH THAT FOR YOURSELF, jesus

lord, ok, well, I’ve read 100 pages, so on that disappointing character note, I’m going to go to bed.

[transbcyfriend]

—  TAGGED BY: @transtokitou !

— RULES: answer 21 questions and tag 21people.

1. nickname: vince, vinny, vin, and vee! anything that sounds remotely similar to my whole name jfhfjdjdh

2. zodiac: aries sun, aries moon, pisces rising!

3. height: 5'0" and i hate it

4. hogwarts house: hufflepuff iirc? i'm not rlly into harry potter the last time i did the quiz i was in high school so kfbfbdjdb

5. last thing I googled: “do you have any in the back no can you check yeah sure hold on comic" (i didn't find what i was looking for)

6. favorite musicians: the front bottoms are a Big Favorite (to the point i know almost every song off their entire discography by heart), but hozier and queen are also big faves! grandson is quickly becoming a favorite too tho

7. song stuck in my head: rhode island - the front bottoms

8. following: 254!

9. followers: 193!

10. do you get asks: not really! i wish i got more asks but if ppl are shy then i won't force anyone to jdbdjdjd

11. amount of sleep: anywhere from 4 - 9 hrs. today i got 10 but that was only bc i worked a 9 hr shift yesterday until 2a fhdjdjdhdb

12. what are you wearing: a skeleton kigu ngl

13. dream job: idk, something artsy -- i was going for an art degree before, but i don't want the life sucked out of my work from doing it as a job, so i think maybe interior design (cause i can go fuckin hog for 8 hours in the sims and do nitty gritty details all damn day to the point it looks lived in), but idk. who fuckin knows, maybe botany with how much i already know abt plants

14. dream trip: i rlly wanna go to wales, or like. ireland or scotland or smthn. my deepest roots are in wales tho so that's why i list that one First but. idk, it's green, it seems like it'd b fun, why not

15. instruments: piano but i haven't played it in a while bc there's no room for it in the house jfhfjfjfhd

16. languages: english, lil bit of french, and idk if this counts but a lil bit of asl

17. 10 favorite songs as of now: aw shit. uhhh...in no particular order, checkmate by conan grey / die young by grandson / flashlight by the front bottoms / i wanna get better by bleachers / like real people do by hozier / nina cried power by hozier / sing to me by missio / talk by hozier / west virginia by the front bottoms / wolfman by the front bottoms

18. if you were an animal: a dog, hands down. definitely a bigger breed, prolly with stuck-up ears, but no particular name in mind. jus Big Dog

19. favorite food: ok so the name of the sandwich is called the governor, but bc the place that sells it is all the way in arkansas, i make my own rendition of it. basically jus take rlly juicy chicken breast, lettuce, tomato, cheese, avocado spread (mixed w/ red pepper flakes, garlic, onion, salt, and pepper), and just a little tiny bit of strawberry preserves on both sides of toasted bread, and that's it. it might sound gross but it's SO fucking good

20. random fact: i'm afraid of roller coasters (the big ones at least). on god. i think it's bc of a fear of falling mixed w/ the sensation of falling makes my brain wig the fuck out but yeah lmao you can't pay me to get on one of those damn things

21. my aesthetic: cottagecore, but also punk! fresh picked flowers and handmade strawberry jam, wooden frame furniture, cooking utensils sticking out of a vintage pitcher, blankets piled up on top of each other worn n frayed at the edges from use.....that's rlly good, however, i Also like the punk aesthetic of spikes in jackets, combat boots, masks, leather gloves, a denim jacket covered in hand-sewn patches, that's also rlly good.

—  TAGGING: idk who to tag so if u wanna do this go hog! steal it from me if u wanna these are fun

[plvuial]

aaahh thank you for tagging me mayo @novafirst1 !!! i was gonna do this tomorrow but i can't sleep so *shrugs* Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. 1. Coke or Pepsi: coke i guess? tbh i can't tell the difference 2. Disney or Dreamworks: hmm disney? mostly bc i can't even remember any dreamworks movies lmao 3. Coffee or Tea: definitely tea 4. Books or Movies: books,,,,but i'll watch a ghibli movie over a book any day 5. Windows or Mac: i mean i have a windows computer and all of my friends have mac sso,, gotta stay Loyal to the window 6. DC or Marvel: no idea sorry 7. X-Box or Playstation: no ,, idea,, sorry ,, 8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: nO,, ,idEA,,, ,,,, sORRY, , 9. Night Owl or Early Riser: ah i'm gonna have to go with early riser! idk 5am is a very strange atmosphere i like it ,, maybe it's just that i'm used to getting up early 10. Cards or Chess: i've played chess like twice and both times i was horrendous ,, but i do like playing cards!! esp scum *has intense flashbacks* 11. Chocolate or Vanilla: ooh i was gonna say chocolate but idk vanilla is nice too! depends on what kind of food tbh but i'm leaning towards vanilla 12. Vans or Converse: converse i don't even have vans 13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar: lol wut 14. Fluff or Angst: both!! although i ,, only write fluff i Love the Pain 15. Beach or Forest: beach 16. Dogs or Cats: both!, 17. Clear Skies or Rain: i like bothhh 18. Cooking or Eating Out: idk cooking is p fun! also i'm broke 19. Spicy Food or Mild Food: i can't eat spicy food,, so mild,,,, (one time i was in my hometown and my parents said oh she can't eat spicy food so my relatives were like 'ok this and this aren't spicy!' so i was like nice! and ate it and iT WAS VERY SPICY my mouth was on fire) 20. Halloween/Samhain or Christmas/Yule/Solistice: um neither i guess? i haven't gone trick or treating in a long time...and we don't really celebrate christmas too much like we don't even put up a tree anymore lmao...but i guess christmas is nice...it's a very comforting time,,,and also presents are nice... 21. Would you rather be a little too hot or a little too cold: too cold 22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be: flight? or teleportation or smthn like that,, or like breathing underwater that'd be cool 23. Animation or Live Action: animation for sure 24. Paragon or Renegade: uh 25. Baths or Showers: shower? i guess 26. Team Cap or Team Ironman: tentatively team cap,,, i don't know much about either of them though 27. Fantasy or Sci Fi: ooohhhhh can i say both? i like both! 28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they: nah m8 29. Youtube or Netflix: youtube.. i don't have netflix ! 30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: ugahH bOth !! both are very good in their own way i mean percy jackson,,, one of the first series i fell in love with (still will never get over leo and calypso man) but hp is such a classic 31. When you feel accomplished: good grades bc i'm. shallow. also during sports i play i guess? and when i make people smile/laugh i mean that's always a nice feeling 32. Star Wars or Star Trek: idk star trek so star wars 33. Paperback or Hardback: i like both! but hardback more lol 34. Horror or Rom-Com: i rlly like horror movies! not necessarily jumpscares or gore but more like,, psychological horror they creep me out but i rlly like the feeling for some reason? but like. preferably watching with someone else. ha. but romcoms are nice too i just sometimes find them,, kinda cheesy lol 35. TV Shows or Movies: uhhhhm probably movies 36. Favourite Animal: i don't have one i like Many 37. Favorite Genre of Music: pop for the most part lmao but it varies a lot 38. Least Favorite Book: hmm books where the main characters are ,,, bland. yeah u know the kind of books 39. Favourite Season: i like autumn! 40. Song that’s currently stuck in your head: ed sheeran - happier lmao speaking of which have u guys listened to his new album yet 41. What kind of pyjamas do you wear: um pajama shorts and a shirt? ya 42. If you could be any fictional character’s best friend, who’d you be: idk i,, like my friends atmmm (wow that was cheesy) but i think scorpius from cursed child is a Cool Guy that i would love to be friends with !!! 43. If you could choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be: idk lol 44. Smiling or Smirking: um smiling? idk i mean the word smirking is used all the time in books but what does it Really look like.? also smirking is like,, kinda mean isn't it 45. Harry Potter Movies or Books: def books but the movies are p great too! 46. Something you’re proud of: oh a lot of things...not so much proud but more like grateful for? yes a lot too many to name . gratitude and pride go hand in hadn't i think 47. Favorite Indian dish: idk like butter chicken? apparently it's not even an authentic indian dish lmao i'm sorry 48. Weirdest Ship/OTP/Pairing: idk?. there are a lot of rare pairs in hq i ship but i wouldn't call them weird 49. Weirdest Dream: once when i was 5 i dreamed my best friend came to my house in the middle of the night and started beating me up,, that dream has always stuck with me for some reason...i mean there are many more but they're,,, very confusing so 50. If you owned a star, what would you name it: if i owned one?.. idk,, like claire ,,, or smthn,,, is andromeda already a star name i think it is.. i don't think i would want to own a star they can't really be owned 51. Favorite Flower: i ,, don't know enough abt flowers to have a favourite ,, all i know is they look nice and smell nice sometimes! also taste nice like i remember in primary every one would stop and eat the nectar of honeysuckle flowers during cross country bc we always passed a hedge full of them but once i did it and there were fucjing ants inside it ,, it was a traumatic experience,,,i have not touched a honeysuckle flower since 52. Favorite Time Period: no idea !! sorry 53: um ,, idk if i have one like honestly i , don't know anything ever tbh you know what's fucked up the only thing u can ever be sure abt in the whole world is your own consciousness and everyone else could be a figment of your imagination and you literally never know so like what's the point of stupid ass crushes what's the meaning of life why are we here what are we doing like we're all just tiny specks of dust in an infinite universe what's our purpose i don't i think i need to go to bed now i'm kind of,, tired but thank you s much @novafirst1 it was v fun i , don't think i'm going t o tag anyone sorryyy but pls do it if u want to !!

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 10)

Hi, fronds.

I meant to keep going, I really did, but then That Thing happened and I was really upset and also a LOT of real life things happened, most good, but all busy, so. Bear with me. We’ll get through this monster eventually.

Part 10 encompasses pages 753-828 (previous parts)

I’m still super upset about the Rift, y’all. Like. Ultimate #yikes.

ANYWAY, MOVING ON

“That would give privacy to talk” Okay, but you are still in a public space with a bunch of other people, you maaayybe shouldn’t be, like...just using the king’s name casually like you’re besties?

Since this is supposed to be a stealth mission, isn’t it?

OKAY BUT ADOLIN JUST, UNPROMPTED OUT OF NO WHERE ASKING TO SEE KALADIN’S SWORD

SHALLAN PLS “It’s a little small” GURL PLS

“Kaladin liked them both...just not together.” I’m just waiting for someone to yell at them to get a room. Kaladin is the most likely candidate and I’m going to die laughing when it happens.

honestly, polyamory is the real solution here

Two Unmade.

which means we need two radiants to go fight them so Adolin WHEN ARE YOU MANIFESTING, MY BOY?

literally every time anyone mentions seeing a cremling--especially a weird-shaped cremling--I JUST GET REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. WHAT IF IT’S 200-CREMLINGS-IN-A-TRENCH-COAT???

“But Adolin had been raised by a mother with a fondness for hugs” I’M SCREAMING THIS IS FINE I’M FINE. HE MUST MISS HER SO MUCH. HELP

wait, but don’t we know for sure that shardblades can be stuff that’s not swords? Like, didn’t Syl turn into a spear at the end of WoR? So maybe the Radiants DID make other tools for their followers--maybe they did have shardhammers for building and shardbows for hunting and shardshovels for digging latrines, but after the Recreance, the spren died, so they lost the ability to change shape?

Worth thinking about, anyway.

“Thank you for being you, Adolin.” “Everyone else was taken already.” BUDDYYYY. I LOVE HIM. HE’S SO GOOD AND WONDERFUL AND AAHH

OOHH, Shallan gets SQUIRES??? Somehow I didn’t really think that the Lightweavers would be one of the orders that had squires.. they seem a solitary bunch.

Kaladin just...scooting down to sit next to the highmarshal without an invitation is. listen, he’s always been brave, but this is a different sort of bravery--doing something that might get you in trouble with social codes is different from running headlong across a not-set bridge into battle--and I know he’s done shit like this before, often, but not...not really in context of military superiors? I don’T KNOW THIS FEELS SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT AND I’M EXCITED FOR HIM.

I find it ironic that the COVERED walkway from the Oathgate platform to the palace is called the SUNwalk, but that’s fine.

Kishi is a really good name, dangit brandon stop taking all the really good names

Azure’s sword is a her?

YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THAT, KALADIN!! “How did you get here?” “I flew.” YOU CAn’T JUST. KAL, PLS

I’m

loev

hem

“I’ve given answers. If they aren’t the ones you want, perhaps the questions aren’t very good.” HELLO, I LOVE THIS BOY VERY MJUCH I DON’T KNWO IF YOU KNOW THIS ABOUT ME

wait come here chasing her

OH JESUS FUCK SHE’S VIVENNA ISN’T SHE

She’s from Somewhere Else and she’s got a weird sword and her name’s a color and Vivenna was SUPPOSED to show up in this book GODDAMNIT THERE SHE IS

heheheheheh gosh that’s fun

...............pleasant.

I suppose it is the HEART of the revel, after all...

I really, really didn’t sign up for a horror novel, idk why this keeps happening SIGH

You know you’ve watched too many shitty action movies when the first thing you can think of when a guy gets thrown off the city wall isn’t “oh god he got THROWN off a WALL” and is, instead, “I bet tehy’d have used a Wilhelm Scream there heh”

Listen, Kaladin, I know you CAN fight without flying, but you are currently fighting flying enemies, and you should absolutely go have an aerial battle with them, please, I just want you to be in more cinematic, badass fights pls.

OKAY, BUT MAYBE LAUNCHING YOURSELF OUT A WINDOW AT THIS FUSED GUY ISN’T THE BEST? WAY TO HAVE THE AERIAL BATTLE?

okay, I asked for this, but I rescind my request, BE CAREFUL BABE, PLS.

YES THE HEART

GO FOR THE HEART

YES

Y E S

“my red life” yah, ok, that’s definitely Vivenna NICE

hnnnngggg, every time Kaladin summons the sylbade and, like, does the thing where he rests her on his shoulder all casual and intimidating I just melt, I’m so

he’s so

and so

hnnnnnnnngggggg

mrrrghhh, OF COURSE There’s a gang that steals the food from Shallan’s informants and KILLS THEM EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE KIDS, uggghhh. Should have known.

Continues the trend of Shallan not really knowing anything about how life on the streets work, huh?

OK this lady with vine patterns in her skin who’s Soulcasting for Azure? Actual Soulcaster suffering the effects to way too many years Soulcasting? OR........Radiant?

Honestly, I suspect literally everyone of being a radiant at this point.

pffffffffffffffffffffffttt HOID

of course.

but why did he help? Why is he helping? What’s his game?

“She hadn’t lived on the streets and she didn’t know how to help people.” NICE YOU TO FINALLY REALIZE.

“The only way to live without failure is to be of no use to anyone. Trust me, I’ve practiced.” COOL, NOW I’M SAD ABOUT HOID. Listen, I know his books are sooo far off, but the more things he says, the more I want to KNOW about him. Argh.

“Many people have suffered more, and they got along fine.” Oooohhh, Shallan, honey. No one ever taught you that the fact that other people have it worse does not negate your suffering.

Also, like. most people have not, in fact, had it worse than you, really. In the grand scheme of things, having to kill both your parents when they tried to kill you sucks a LOT, despite your privilege making the rest of everything better for you...

GOD BLESS ADOLIN KHOLIN, WHO, WHEN CONFRONTED WITH HIS FIANCEE IN PANTS, REACTS ONLY BY COMPLIMENTING HER COLOR COORDINATION AND RECOMMENDING HER COAT BE TAILORED A HAIR BETTER.

BLESS THIS GOLDEN SUNLIGHT BOY.

“You’ve been wanting an army to attack your palace, Your Majesty... well, we’re ready.”

YOU MIGHT BE READY, BUT I’M NOT

DO NOT JUST GO INVADE THE PALACE WITH AN ARMY

GOD, HOW MANY OF YOU ARE GOING TO DIE

hi, Adolin talking to his sword still makes my heart swell, every time, he’s JUST SO GOOD AND PURE AND WONDERFUL

SUNSHINE BOY

HE PUT ON HIS UNIFORM

I’M

I lov hiiiiimm

it’s not Shallan that needs to drive this one back.

I’m still so enamored of this theory, I’m sticking with it even if it’s wrong, I don’t care. One Unmade per Radiant Order. It’s gotta be one of the boys this time. The Heart... Kaladin is nothing but heart, it’s gotta be the windrunner Unmade.

No one tell me I’m wrong, I will be SO DISAPPOINTED if it doesn’t go down this way.

OH SHIT

OOOHH SHIIIT

OOOHHHH SHIIIIIIIT

IT’S THE THING FROM THE COVER THE WHATSITCALLED THE ROCK MONSTER

OH SHIIIIIITTT WE ALL GON DIE

THUNDERCLAST, THAT’s the word phew glad I remembered

listen, Kaladin letting himself get smashed by a giant boulder just so he could Lash it away HURTS MY HEART

DON’T HURT KALADIN, 2K18

yuuuppppp it’s not a shardblade. Blergh, I didn’t finish Warbreaker, is there some wacky shenanigans with Vivenna’s sword? Does it pull the Breath from people or smthn? ...Do people on Roshar have Breath?

Adolin is SUCH ! A GOOD! COMMANDER!

.........I’m very glad that some of the palace guard aren’t evil, but. why did time move weird for them, apparently?

Is this the second Unmade? Is this one something to do with warping time??

I’m confuuuused.

oh

fuck

that’s

hot

GLOWING KALADIN WITH A TWELVE FOOT LONG SYLSPEAR, FLYING THROUGH THE THROWN-OPEN DOUBLE DOORS??? YEAH I’M F I N E, T H I S I S F I N E

nooo don’t split up

never split up

I don’t want this

Adolin giving Kaladin the Bridge Four salute. I’m cry.

oooooooooohh, Shallan summoned Pattern!! And she’s not panicking! I’m so proud of her ahh!!

Skar and Drehey just. continuing to save Adolin. Best bodyguards. Best friends. I love them so much.

mmmmmmmmmmm

I don’t

want this, this is intense this is A LOT

aaaaahhh fuck Kaladin’s wall squad came with. They are SO Going to Die, and I WI LL C RY

she’s singing? So... she’s... hm. What happened to the queen?

I STILL DON’T THINK SHALLAN CAN DEFEAT THIS UNMADE

ohnohecallshissonGav

I’m

ohnohecallshiswifeDearOne

I’m

Elhokar, please

you are so small, just. Be brave.

KALADIN, YOU MADE SYL KILL A SPREN??? I don’t care that it was an evil spren, that’s. You can’t.. Syl. Don’t make Syl kill her family, pls, I’m suffering.

oh no

what ancient spren, WHICH ONE, AESUDAN.

AND HOW

HOW DID YOU BIND VOIDSPREN TO PEOPLE

I’m assuming that’s what it is

I’M CONCERNED

Yelig-nar and Ashertmarn. 1. both of those are terrible star wars names, Brandon, you usually do better. 2. Are those BOTH Unmade? Or is Yelig-nar Aesudan’s...voidspren?

stormspren?

Ancient Parshendi Ancestor of Evil spren?

“I have taken the gemstone into me.” WELL, THAT’S A STEAMING PILE OF # Y I K E S

mmm yeah, no, she didn’t do it. Shallan didn’t defeat it, it retreated. Or was called away or something. We’re deeeefinitely going to have to deal with that again.

oh shit is this the other one?

this is the other one

Yelid-nar is Aseudan’s Parshendi Ancestor’s name. Sja-anat is the other Unmade.

I’m scared.

ON THE STAIRWELL? GoDDAMNIT THAT’S A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PLACE FOR A FIGHT

 no

n

o

don’t

make kaladin

kill his parshendi friends

please

oh fuck, Moash is with Kaladin’s parshendi friends, isn’t he?

damn, I AM NOT READY FOR THIS

yeah, no SHIT The heart fled. I TOLD you Shallan couldn’t defeat that one.

but why is THIS one helping her? OR IS SHE

WHAT IS HAPPENING

GOOD DON’T KILL EACH OTHER PLEASE.

oh Kaladin

“He’s always been able to trick himself into seeing a battle as us against them. Protect those you love. Kill everyone else. But...but they didn’t deserve death. None of them did.” HI THIS IS MY GHOST TYPING, I AM DEAD NOW. Kaladin has come so far, from scraping along, doing everything he could to breathe, let alone survive, and now--look at him. Look at him realizing that everyone, everyone is doing the same thing he is. They are all of them fighting to survive, they are all of them fighting to protect what they love.

Everyone is the hero of their own story, even if they are a villain to you.

God, this book is so literary, it’s so strong. Be better. Do better than those who have wronged you. See yourself in those around you, even your enemy, and do better. Take responsibility for who you are and what you do and who you fight.  God, THIS BOOK.

Also, Kaladin trying to stop the fighting, I’m crying.

THEY ARE ALL DYING. I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD AND I TOLD YOU I WOULD CRY AND HERE I AM. SOBBING.

noooo

no no nono

I’ don’t

want this

put it

back

I’m

Elhokar waS SO CLOSE OH M Y GOD HE

ONE MORE WORD OF THE IDEAL GOD DAMNIT

Moash

of course

he always wanted to kill the king

fuck

I knew this was coming because I got fucking spoiled but it still hurt like a punch to the gut

FUCK, HE KNEW KALADIN WAS THERE AND HE DID IT ANYWAY

god

f u ck

I’m

he knew. he saluted. he didn’t even pause.

DAMMNIT, MOASH, YOU’RE BETTER THAN THIS.

god, Kaladin screamed, I’m

not okay

So much for Kholinar, god

“If we engage the device, we’ll be caught in a disaster.” AREN’T YOU ALREADY

...sapphire is windrunners, right? so why is the epitaph.........it’s a sapphire recording. A windrunner. “Am I not supposed to want to help people?” Does that mean...what is the Fourth Ideal of the Windrunners? The order of people who help people. Why...would their Fourth Ideal...not? be about helping people?

UGH, the radiant recordings make me SO NERVOUS ALL THE TIME.

1. I hate Taravangian. A Lot.

2. Here’s a thing: Navani spent a whole book and a half thinking her eldest child was dead, but holding out hope she was alive, and getting to have that vindication when Jasnah showed up. How...how long is she going to hold out hope that Elhokar somehow made it out alive only to have that shattered when the rest of them show up and he doesn’t?

ALSO FUN FACTS, DALINAR PROBABLY NOW THINKS ADOLIN, ELHOKAR, AND KALADIN--THREE OF HIS FOUR SONS--ARE DEAD, PROBABLY, SO THAT’S FINE, I’M FINE.

EVERYTHING’S FINE.

OH FUCK IT TOOK THEM TO SHADESMAR

WHY

OH MY GOD

WHERE’S JASNAH WHEN YOU NEED HER, SHE CAN NAVIGATE THIS SHIT

also !!!! PATTERN AND SYL AND ?????? ???? ?? ADOLIN’S?? SPREN????? PLEASE SAY IT’S ADOLIN’S SPREN. HIS BLADE. WHATEVER. PLEASE.

LET ADOLIN HAVE A SPREN 2K18

god, Vivenna: HARD SAME, GIRL

also, I forgot that she would have had to have come through the Cognitive Realm to get from Nalthis to Roshar, but heeeeheheheh yeah. She knows what she’s doing here, or at the very least has an idea. Excellent.

but FUCK

SHADESMAR

AND EVERYONE THINKS THEY’RE DEAD

and dear fucking god, Moash, you’re better than this, why must you continue to make REALLY BAD DECISIONS.

these are my priorities

leave me alone.