#living is exhausting

[dead-boys-club]

seems like body is starting to reject safe foods, too, now.. some venting under the cut.

tw; eating issues, getting sick, medical/health related talk.

i am so... fucking exhausted. in every way. gastroparesis is a bitch — i thought i finally found a diet that would work, yaknow? i was doing good. but, it seems like those foods are being rejected. ive spent the last thirty minutes emptying my body until ive busted blood vessels and gotten a bloody nose. my body is under so much stress, it's unreal. im tired of being paranoid about food and being in pain — pain that never goes away.

it's either migraines, stomach pain, muscle pain, back, knees..

i am dealing with issue after fucking issue stacked on top of each other like some twisted game of janga that's dictating my life. not only do i have gastroparesis but juggling it with fibromyalgia? rheumatoid arthritis? migraines, nar, deficiencies out of the ass at this point, im on depo + have endometriosis. and good God if it's not the physical, it's the mental because dealing with borderline among other things it's ripping me apart at the seams.

and it's so fucking lonely. no one wants to stick around for the people dealing with things. ive got three friends who are usually busy, not into the things i am, and it sucks not being able to have more casual, chill friends.

i feel like every day im getting closer and closer to just keeling over.

let's not even start on the dental issues — throwing up every day for like, 14 years fucks up your teeth and it's a billion dollars because state insurance fucking hates you. i can't even go to a chiropractor for my spine and arthritis issues because insurance doesn't cover that and i don't make enough from my etsy BUT don't qualify for disability BUT CANT WORK because i can't get the accommodations — yes, i have applied for remote jobs and have yet to hear back from any.

i am exhausted. im doing my best. but it's really, really draining and it's hard.

im sitting on my bathroom floor, too tired/weak to get up and im trying not to cry atp lol

[battling-my-demons]

I used to survive by looking forward to things that made made me happy and excited. Lately, those things to look forward to are far and few. I am now just surviving on just trying to get through the days. It's getting harder and harder. I'm barely hanging on. I don't have anything left in me. Everyday is surviving on autopilot or routine. It's a cruel and dark life.

[appeardisappear]

the urge to just disappear and never come back

my heart is packed, but my bags aren't.

[catharsis-online]

𝕴 𝖜𝖊𝖓𝖙 𝖔𝖚𝖙𝖘𝖎𝖉𝖊, 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊, 𝖆 𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖐 𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖗?

𝖂𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝕴 𝖋𝖎𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖞 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖟𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝕴 𝖍𝖆𝖉 𝖆𝖑𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖞 𝖋𝖎𝖓𝖎𝖘𝖍𝖊𝖉 𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖔𝖔𝖑, 𝕴 𝖇𝖊𝖌𝖆𝖓 𝖙𝖔 𝖋𝖊𝖊𝖑 𝖒𝖚𝖈𝖍 𝖇𝖊𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖗. 𝖄𝖔𝖚 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖓𝖔 𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖆 𝖍𝖔𝖜 𝖉𝖎𝖋𝖋𝖎𝖈𝖚𝖑𝖙, 𝖚𝖓𝖕𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖗𝖎𝖇𝖑𝖊 𝖎𝖙 𝖜𝖆𝖘. 𝕭𝖚𝖙 𝖓𝖔𝖜, 𝕴 𝖋𝖊𝖊𝖑 𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖊 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖋𝖎𝖉𝖊��𝖙, 𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖎𝖊𝖗, 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖊 𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖛𝖊. 𝕴𝖙'𝖘 𝖌𝖔𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖓 𝖙𝖔 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖕𝖔𝖎𝖓𝖙 𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝕴 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖙𝖔 𝖑𝖎𝖛𝖊, 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙'𝖘 𝖈𝖔𝖔𝖑.

[steampunk-the-dragon]

"I imagine death so much it feels like a memory..."

[quinnallerton]

I live in rural Iowa.

Why the fuck is breakfast cereal 🥣 over $8?

[colection-of-chaos]

Thanks I needed to hear that

It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!

[abstract-universe]

Tell me why my sister saying “I’m not listening”(meaning it as I can’t hear you & I know this) made me cry?

[appeardisappear]

we were too exhausted to care that we didn't notice those pretty little things until they're gone

[queen-of-nothing12]

I don't want lots and lots of money like a ridiculous amount of money, I just wanted enough to not have to worry about paying rent every week or the food bill or the gazillion bills that you have to deal with every month. Living pay check to pay check is fucking exhausting so yeah money might not make me happy but it sure as hell will stop me from being so stressed out and worried all the time 🙄

And.... I'm done with my rant now back to regular schedule horny posting people 😂😂

“Money can’t make you happy”

WELL IT SURE AS HELL AINT GONNA MAKE ME SAD

[pelusadegiraso1]

I would like to apologize for not sharing any art recently. College is gonna start up on Monday for me and I've been prepping like crazy. I'm also trying to focus on my physical health, which means spending time outdoors and trying not to vomit my medications. I'm doing my best so please bear with me🌻💖

[justtogetthrough]

My friend said something I actually find quite insulting yesterday and I can’t stop ruminating about it

[dantenotalighieri]

Drawing my mental breakdown, so i don't stop in the middle of my job/college schedule to have a real breakdown 🥸

[purrrrrr-ification]

Immortality sucks because I want to die.

"immortality sucks because all your friends die" all your friends die anyway. those we do not mourn are those who mourn us.

"immortality sucks because you forget who you are" we always forget who we are. do you remember who you were at four years of age? who you were at fourteen? "who i am" is a shadow cast on the wall.

"immortality sucks because" skill issue. skill issue. skill issue. give me your liver

[terrortwinz]

I feel like I’m constantly being whiplashed between “everyone leave me the fuck alone, I want to be invisible and exist as little as possible” and “why doesn’t anyone ever talk to me? It’s like I don’t exist. I just want someone to want me and adore me”

[gay-xylophone]

how do people do this whole “being alive” thing without crying all the time