#Is It Normal To Pee Every 30 Minutes

[bigapollospectra]

Frequent Urination at Night: Causes and Remedies

Frequent urination is a commonplace fitness trouble that many people enjoy subsequently in their lives. While it would seem like a minor inconvenience, it could once in a while mean an underlying clinical scenario that calls for hobby.

Understanding whether or not or not commonplace urination is regular or a signal of a health problem is essential to making sure trendy nicely-being.

At Big Apollo Spectra Hospital, Urology Doctor In Patna, we cognizance on diagnosing and treating urinary health troubles. With superior technology and a set of professional urologists near me, we are committed to imparting the fine care possible.

What is Frequent Urination?

Frequent urination is the desire to urinate more often than usual. For the majority of people, urination occurs 6-8 times daily.

However, this will variety relying on elements like fluid intake, medicine, and commonplace fitness.

Frequent urination will become a project at the same time as:

It disrupts every day activities or sleep.

It is noted through various indicators and symptoms such as pain, discomfort, or changes in urine.

Why Do I Suddenly Have To Pee A Lot? When Should I Worry About Frequent Urination Consuming large amounts of fluids, particularly those with caffeine or alcohol, can increase the urge to urinate.

Infections of the Urinary Tract (UTIs) UTIs are among the most common reasons for frequent urination. Additional symptoms may include pain, a burning sensation, or cloudy urine.

Overactive Bladder (OAB) OAB refers to a condition marked by a strong and frequent urge to urinate, often accompanied by incontinence.

Diabetes Regular urination, particularly during the night, can be an early indicator of diabetes since the body attempts to eliminate excess sugar through urine. Gestation Throughout pregnancy, the growing uterus exerts pressure on the bladder, leading to an increased need to urinate frequently.

Medications

Certain medicinal capsules, inclusive of diuretics used to address excessive blood stress, can result in common urination.

Prostate Issues (in men)

Conditions like an enlarged prostate or prostatitis can obstruct urine go together with the glide, causing common trips to the rest room.

Bladder or Kidney Stones

Stones in the urinary tract can worsen the bladder, primary to not unusual urination.

Neurological Disorders

Conditions like a couple of sclerosis or Parkinson’s infection may have an effect on bladder manage, inflicting common urination.

When to See a Urologist Doctor in Patna?

While occasional Constant Urge To Pee But Little Comes Out are regular, it’s important to are seeking for advice from a urologist if you experience:

Blood in the urine.

Pain or burning sooner or later of urination.

Difficulty starting or preventing urination.

A steady feeling of needing to urinate.

Frequent urination that disrupts your sleep (nocturia).

At Big Apollo Spectra Hospital in Patna, our urology professionals use modern-day-day diagnostic device to discover the idea motive of commonplace urination and increase custom designed treatment plans.

What Is The Reason For Frequent Urination?

Our urologists may also additionally furthermore recommend exams like:

Urinalysis: To come across infections or abnormalities.

Ultrasound: To have a observe the kidneys and bladder.

Cystoscopy: To view the indoors of the bladder.

Blood Tests: To test for diabetes or top notch systemic situations.

How To Stop Frequent Urination?

Treatment is based upon on the underlying cause and can embody:

Lifestyle Modifications: Reducing fluid consumption in advance than bedtime or fending off bladder irritants like caffeine.

Medications: For conditions like OAB or infections.

Surgical Interventions: For immoderate times like an enlarged prostate or bladder stones.

Pelvic Floor Therapy: To supply a boost to bladder control.

Prevention Tips for Healthy Urinary Habits

Stay hydrated, but avoid excessive intake of liquids, especially caffeine and alcohol.

Maintain proper hygiene to reduce the likelihood of UTIs.

Keep a healthy weight to reduce pressure on the bladder.

Do everyday pelvic floor wearing sports activities to enhance bladder muscle mass.

Schedule regular check with a urologist, specially if you have a own family statistics of urinary or kidney issues.

Why Choose Big Apollo Spectra Hospital for Urology Care in Patna?

At Big Apollo Spectra Hospital, we take satisfaction in being diagnosed because of the fact the Best Urology Hospital in Patna. Here’s why sufferers bear in thoughts us:

Our group includes as an opportunity skilled urologists like Dr. Kumar Rohit, who's known for his understanding in treating complicated urological conditions.

What Is Frequent Urination A Sign Of? While common urination can every so often be normal, it’s vital to apprehend while it'd signal an underlying fitness problem. Consulting a kidney specialist in Patna let you find out consolation and improve your splendid of life.

If you or a cherished one is experiencing commonplace urination or distinct urinary health issues, don’t wait. Visit Big Apollo Spectra Urology Hospital in Patna, for expert analysis and treatment.

Your fitness is our precedence—time desk your appointment nowadays!

[twstfanblog]

*~Period Drama~* Romance Era Scrabia

|| Heartslabyul || Savanaclaw || Octavinelle || Scarabia || Pomefiore + Ignihyde || Diasomnia ||

Taglist~

@twistedcece @a-small-tyrant

It started off as a normal afternoon. You and your boyfriend just laid down for an impromptu nap, cuddled close together and safe in each other's arms. So you can imagine their surprise when they wake up to find the bed spotted with blood. Pulling the blankets back, they see the blood coming from you...

FIRST REACTION

Kalim

He woke you up crying, boy just full on SOBBING.

He's holding you so tightly and promising everything is gonna be ok and how he's so sorry he let this happen and-

Of course you're fucking confused as hell, but then the cramps kick in. Making him cry even harder.

First step is trying to get him to stop wailing his poor lil eyes out. But by the time you've done that Jamil's already arrived with a big ass first aid bag and on the verge of a heart attack.

Jamil

Your ass wakes up in the infirmary. He woke up, saw the blood and didn't even wake you up before carrying you all the way to campus.

He's getting chewed out by Crewel on what the fuck happened but all he can explain is that he woke up and you were hemorrhaging from your privates.

Speak up quick, because Crewel is about to put this boy into a coma. Neither believe you when you explain 'its just my period'.

Only when time has passed and neither Crewel nor Jamil's efforts can make the bleeding stop do they believe you. It's barely been an hour and Jamil has never been more stressed in his life.

HOW HELPFUL ARE THEY?

Kalim

After explaining what a period is to him for...AN HOUR, Kalim basically just puts you in his room in Scarabia. He will also take the week off from classes so that he can tend to you himself (Coughs-Jamil does most of the heavy lifting- COUGHS)

Very loving, supportive out the ass. Will give you anything and everything you want or demand.

He knows you're in pain, so he's having Jamil pull out all the good stuff, just for you. You will be PAMPERED, loved on, and soft locked to stay on his California King. Sorry, unless you need to pee, he's not letting you out of bed.

PMS havers, you can kick him out of his own bedroom. But he will be pouting like a kicked puppy outside for HOURS. He just wants back inside to cuddle, he's sorry he called your period kinda gross.

Jamil

You ever been quarantined in actual luxury? Kalim heard that you were 'sick' and in pain and opened the doors of Scarabia so that Jamil wasn't walking to Ramshackle every 30 minutes to check on you.

He hovers in the oddest way. You'll both be in the same room but he'll act as though you're there of your own free will then deny you access to leaving. Half ignores you because he's rereading first aid and medical books about how to stop bleeding.

Of course, it's Jamil. He cooks whatever you want, within reason. He will also be more affectionate with you, hand feeding you and giving soft kisses to your forehead and hands.

Him dealing with PMS is a toss-up in one avenue. I'm not sure which would make him fold faster. Someone who's PMS makes them two steps away from ripping his face off or someone who will cry because he said he wouldn't make them waffles for the 6th time that day.

AFTER THE FACT

Kalim

Is actually serious for once in his life. Literally holds your face and looking you directly in the eyes before he tells you he's taking you to his family home to get a complete medical check-up.

There is no talking him out of it, not even Jamil can dissuade him. Kalim is getting you to a medical professional that he can pay to never utter a word or threaten with death (both of his career and life).

Your period is the one event that isn't party related he remembers on his own. He bought a day planner just for keeping track of it and even got you a matching one (He had like 47 day planners that he had decorated and then never used). He doesn't really register you've got your period until you tell him, though.

Survived, but it was mainly because Jamil did most of the heavy lifting as normal. But he wants to take on more responsibility so badly. So prepare for your next period, you'll get your very own Kalim butler! (He's really good at cutting open fresh coconuts for you).

Asks you so concerned if 'it's happening again' when he notices you acting differently. Boy is near tears because he's already remembering how miserable you were the last time.

Jamil

Well, some things need to happen now...That was chaotic and stressful. He wants to really sit and plan out everything that could go wrong so he can actually be prepared.

Jamil's watching you like a damn hawk just out of view. He spent his whole life keeping Kalim alive and decently on task, tracking your period is easy once he starts to learn the signs.

It's been three days since your period ended and he's already tracked it, has an emergency underwear package he keeps on himself for you, made a meal plan for the next period, and has already purchased comfortable waterproof sheets to avoid blood stains while you two cuddle. Jamil's life has been to live as a servant. He's doing so willingly with you.

He approaches your period like one approaches an angry rattlesnake. He will tiptoe around asking to the point it's actually pissing you off. Never straight up asks if you're on your period but will just look at you like you're about to pull a fucking gun on him.

HOW HELPFUL ARE THEY? ♡NSFW♡

Kalim

I'm sure...Kalim knows the purpose of a condom. I can never be convinced he has ever seen or used one nor will he ever. Until you get your period.

Kalim loves having sex with you, top three activities he wants to do with you all the time. So hearing that orgasms help? Sign him up! He's already taking his pants off!

The blood freaks him the fuck out. He actually hates it so much but he will never tell you that. Instead, he has to ask Jamil to get those skin balloons for sex so that he isn't putting his dick into just blood.

With the condoms he's much more comfortable helping you out with period sex. It also helps him find a new appreciation for condoms. He starts using them more after finding out about all the different types. He literally invites you to taste test flavored ones.

Jamil

This man has an oral fetish. He was always going down on you as a standard for stress relief for both of you. So he was a little upset once your period starts since his main guilty pleasure comfort food wasn't on the menu.

But once you tell him that orgasms help, he's at first just fingering you to the point he's wearing his arm brace outside of basketball practice. Only to uncover his previously undiscovered bloodkink.

He's so fucking shy asking to eat you out while on your period. Skirts around it so fucking much, only way he can really ask is by kissing along your thighs and lower stomach, asking with his eyes.

If you say yes, your fate is fucking sealed. Jamil is the 4th member of the 'Period Sucker' Club. It's his two favorite things wrapped into one! Three if you count being a service top. If he even sees you mildly uncomfortable on your period he'll already be putting you on the bed to give you some much needed 'Pain Relief'.

[seiwas]

for writing game, iwaizumi + assistance <3

hope this sparks some inspo and thank you in advancee

hi there!! thanks for sending in a prompt 🫶

contains: friends to lovers (ish), halloween parties, reader is dressed as catwoman, expletives, iwaizumi is thiiiiis 🤏 close to murdering seijoh4 (jk)

iwaizumi + assistance

this is a set-up.

iwaizumi knows he shouldn't have fucking believed anything the boys "promised" him back when they assigned him this costume.

the suit is fucking tight, spandex digging into his groins and all other crevices that definitely should be aired out after after a few hours. he's had to constantly readjust his stance almost every few minutes, the black fabric compressing his thighs and torso, significantly constricting the range of motion his shoulders and arms are typically used to. if anything else, it could double up as a back brace from how rigidly straight it's kept his posture all night.

he'll give it to makki though; he did outdo himself sourcing this year's costumes―this batman set looks pretty damn legit.

except for one tiny problem.

there's no fucking pee hole. it's a zip-up, zip-down one-piece situation. and that normally wouldn't be a problem, except that oikawa "accidentally" knocked over a cocktail straight into his pants, the sickeningly sweet liquid now seeping straight into the fabric and past his boxers―cold and sticky as it touches his skin.

and so, the problem: his pants are wet, it makes him want to fucking pee, and coincidentally, the only vacant bathroom is across the hall, at your apartment.

this is why he believes this is a set up. that, and the fact that you're dressed in an outfit strikingly similar―just with cat ears.

he's been asked five times in this party if you're in matching couple outfits.

it catches him off guard, flusters him because of how badly he wants to say yes. but, you're just friends, and he doesn't even think you like him that way (despite mattsun and oikawa practically begging him to confess. makki tells him he thinks you're going to do it first).

so he politely smiles and says no, but you look good, your costume clinging to you in all the right places. thank fucking god he has a cape because he's pretty sure he spent the first 30 minutes in the party hiding his boner.

"hajime, it's fine, i swear," you stand beside him in front of the conveniently locked bathroom in oikawa's apartment. from the other side of the door, he's pretty sure he hears mattsun and his girlfriend mumbling. maybe fucking? who knows. "you can just use the bathroom in my apartment."

he glances at you before closing his eyes, contemplating, before finally agreeing to you.

"okay."

if he's being honest with himself, friends is definitely an incomplete label to what you are. as oikawa's neighbor, you are conveniently around all the time; and oikawa being oikawa, the ever-social butterfly, he's somehow managed to carve a space for you in the friend group.

(never mind the fact that oikawa's sniffed him out from the moment he first introduced you.)

you were a crush, then a friend, and now you're someone he picks up from work and drives back home three times a week, because he "has to train oikawa." you don't question it, even when you both know he stays over for dinner way past the gym's open hours.

"you know where it is," you open your apartment and urge him in.

"sorry again," he turns to face you.

"yeah, yeah, just pee!" you laugh, shoving him towards the bathroom door.

getting out of the suit is manageable, and he's able to wipe off a bit of the cocktail that's leaked to the suit and his boxers just to make sure it isn't gross and sticky when he gets home later. peeing is a big relief once he gets it over with, but it's when he has to suit up again that things become difficult.

stretching out the spandex one body part at a time is a workout in itself―the hardest task being when he has to pull it over his shoulders, adjusting it to fit properly over his arms and chest.

but then the zipper breaks.

and he truly thinks makki has fucked him over.

iwaizumi contemplates what to do next for a good, good while. he tries calling oikawa, only to no success every time; no way in hell is he calling mattsun in the middle of having sex. and calling makki isn't even an option; he'd never hear the end of it.

then you knock on the door, your voice soft and concerned as you ask, "hajime? you good in there?" you hit it spot on, too, "do you need help with your suit?"

iwaizumi presses his palms to his eyes. he's a rational man, straightforward and logical in thinking. there is literally no other option for him right now but to ask help from you. again.

fuck.

.

it's 30 minutes later when oikawa barges in your door, and the sight that greets him is iwaizumi in nothing but a hoodie (the hoodie you borrowed some time ago) and his boxers, with his hands on your waist as you hover your hairdryer over the crotch of his batman costume―cat headpiece off and all.

"you finally got together?!"

[aniniyah]

a/n: yeah this is very indulgent LMFAO, this is all for my people who get really clingy because the feelings are just too much to handle ^^

warnings: tooth rooting fluff :3 not proofread just wrote this in 15 minutes ^^

It wasn't like you were cold but you were afraid of being downright clingy, because you were. You understand it was a turn-off to certain people, especially in early months of a relationship. But Gojo wasn't certain people, he knew you were hiding it who you truly are and he can't help the feeling of his heart breaking at the thought of someone making you act this way.

So Gojo would amp up his clinginess. Every time he comes home, you're immediately in his arms, whispering a soft "I miss you, baby" in your ear as he nuzzles his cheek on your neck. Doesn't matter if he just came home from a long overseas mission, a normal day teaching his students, or even quick walk to the grocery store. He would always tell you how much he missed you even if he was a second away from you, hoping at some point you'd do the same too.

Even the PDA was amped up too, his hand would always seem to find yours when you're walking side by side. Visiting the first years real quick would always result in the loudest whine Gojo has ever produced out of his mouth, his arm never leaving your waist as he tightens his hold around your body and forcing you to come back to his side.

The first year students would outwardly cringe seeing an almost 30 year old man not being able to handle his girlfriend leaving but Gojo never cared for anyone's opinion, proving to you that he will always love you.

In a few months, his hard work was rewarded. He slowly began to receive occasional text messages ranging from "I miss you," "Been thinking about you" whenever you had a small break in your day to "Come home, babe." with that damn puppy eyes emoji that makes Gojo melt. He even abandoned a mission he was on that kept him away for three days when he first received those messages, fuck the higher ups, his girl always comes first.

Now, you weren't afraid to show this clingy side of you and he absolutely loves it. The teary, puppy eyes you give him in the mornings when he has to get ready for work The many unexpected calls just because you had a stressful day and you needed to hear his voice for just five minutes. And when he is home, you would always jump into his arms and give him all the loving words he always wanted to hear.

Gojo loves it all, loves you because he understood that this is your way to show that he is the only occupant in your heart and that will never ever change. So what if he has to deal with spams of text messages of you whining for him to come home quick because you felt lonely, or the excessive tugging of his wrist to get him back to cuddling you even if he has to pee?

If this is how you are in this relationship, he wouldn't mind experiencing it for the rest of your lives.

[lila-lou]

✨ His only exception - Pt. 8/? ✨

Summary: 12 months ago, Butcher went above and beyond to have you join his team. You had a simple office job at Supe Affairs. The same thing every day, working from 9 to 5 and watching Butcher and his team defeat one renegade after another. One evening, however, something changed.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Reader

Warnings: 18+ only! - bit of smut, Soldier Boy being a dick, drunk Reader, Language, jealousy

Word Count: 4344

A/N: This is part 8 of “His only exeption”.

English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨

The next few weeks passed without any significant incidents. While you kept arresting a few renegade supes, there was still no sign of Homelander. Sure he still appeared in public regularly, but it seemed like he was always one step ahead of you. Before you arrived he was already gone. As if he had vanished into thin air.

When Vought announced two weeks ago that Homelander would be busy reorganizing the Seven for the next few weeks, Butcher and his team waited a few days to see if there's actually no news around him. When nothing happened, Butcher had decided to give you all a well-deserved, albeit short, break.

Butcher stayed at home with MM. The two of them just wanted to have a few days of peace and, like old times, brighten up their evenings with a lot of alcohol before MM's daughter came to visit.

Frenchie surprised Kimiko with a trip to Paris and they haven't been heard from since they left. The two probably never got out of the hotel bed.

Annie traveled with Hughie to the mountains of Austria, where they rented a small wooden cabin. They wanted to hike, ski, get pampered at the spa, and just pretend to be a normal couple for a few days.

For your part, you had actually planned to visit your family, but since they were in the middle of moving, you decided against it at short notice. However, you didn't want to stay in the apartment either. You didn't want to crash Butcher and MM's men's group, nor did you want to constantly watch football games and trip over beer cans.

You didn't know what had come over you, but after everyone else had left and you had no idea what to do with your newfound free time, you argued with Ben for over 30 minutes, begging him to take you to Brazil. It had seemed like an eternity since you had sand beneath your feet, and after what you had done to Homelander, traveling to a foreign land alone wouldn't have been all that wise.

"Fine! But you'll leave me the fuck alone", Ben hissed before slamming the door to his room in your face.

Unfortunately, it became clear early, that going on vacation with Ben wasn't a good idea.

You've barely spoken to each other since the kiss. Your communication was limited to the essentials and, above all, to what was important for your job. Ben would never have admitted it, but you actually hurt him in some way with your actions. And although he couldn't explain it to himself, he felt even worse than after the Countess's betrayal.

You had been trying to apologize to him for days, but he just wouldn't listen to you. Even his favorite whiskey and a ridiculously expensive cigar couldn't calm him down.

At some point you just gave up.

The only problem, whatever the cause, was that you had now developed a crush on Ben. A damn major one.

It was harder now, to be ignored by him for weeks and watch him crawl deeper into his shell and become an even bigger asshole. But the worst part was, it was your fault.

“Fucking hurry up! I have to pee”, Ben banged on the bathroom door way too hard. It was your second Day in Brazil and way too early for that loud noise.

The two of you had a small beach house in a holiday resort right by the sea. It was beautiful and relatively quiet, but unfortunately only had one bathroom and one bedroom, so you slept on the couch and Ben chased you out of the bathroom for the second time in a row.

“Give me 5 please”, you whined, getting out of the shower.

But Ben had absolutely no nerv to negotiate with you. With a strong tug he pushed the door open. You had just enough time to wrap your towel around yourself before he came running towards you, finger raised. Despite the fact that the vacation was supposed to be relaxing for both of you, Ben's temper hadn't nearly disappeared by the second day.

“If I say I have to pee, then I have to fucking pee. Fucking now, not in five minutes!”, he hissed, his finger in front of your face as he looked down at you. His gaze briefly flickered to your breasts, but found your gaze again as you pulled your towel tighter, your cheeks red. “I know you’re fucking old, but I didn’t thought you had problems with your bladder yet”, you answered him cheekily.

“Fucking old, huh?”, he raised an eyebrow and lowered his finger. “Maybe I should teach you some manners, fucking brat”, he cups your jaw in one hand and gently but firmly pushes your face upwards.

“Such a dirty mouth on such a pretty face”, he muttered almost absently as he examined your face.

A few weeks ago your thoughts would have been completely different, but now you wanted nothing more than for him to just kiss you again.

For almost two weeks, the anger you felt towards yourself and the whole situation with Ben was so present that whenever the two of you ever exchanged a word, your responses were always bitchy and sassy. Five days ago you even managed to get him to blow up because of you, like literally.

“Get your dirty hand off me”, you hissed as you collected yourself.

“Sure Sweetheart”, he innocently raised both hands in the air, winked at you and turned to the toilet. Shameless as always, he pulled down his sweatpants and boxers a little and peed right in front of you.

You couldn't take your eyes off him for a while as you looked at his best piece. Reluctantly, your mouth went dry as you saw his size.

Of course Ben felt your gaze, but said nothing, instead enjoying your attention to the fullest, as well as your speechlessness. Ben knew he had a lot to offer and your reaction was pretty much identical to the one he usually got from women. The difference was that right now, his dick wasn't even hard.

It wasn't until he flushed the toilet that you were snapped out of your, more than dirty, thoughts. “Can I please get ready now? I’m hungry and want to eat breakfast”, you grumbled, tightening your grip on your towel.

Ben just rolled his eyes and washed his hands, leaving you alone in the bathroom.

The rest of the morning passed without further fights and ended in a relaxing afternoon by the pool.

With his legs crossed and his phone in his hand, Ben looked sideways at you as you lay on the lounger next to him, unzipping your bikini, to get your upper body tanned without streaks. You lay on your stomach, which is why everything important was covered anyway. Still, Ben obviously had a problem with it.

However, as you turned on your side, your bikini top hanging over the armrest of your lounger, Ben raised his glasses and looked incredulously at your back, which you turned to him.

“You fucking serious?”, he hissed at you.

“What?”, you turned onto your back so he had a perfect view of your bare chest as you looked up at him with innocent eyes. In fact, you had absolutely no ulterior motives at that moment, you just wanted to tan pretty much everything you could.

You could hear him take a sharp breath to calm himself before he spoke. “The pool is full of fucking wanker and you take off your fucking clothes? You're fucking flaunting yourself like a fucking little slut". As soon as he finished his sentence, he had already thrown his towel over your upper body.

You raised an eyebrow when you saw the more than annoyed expression on his face.

“And why do you have a damn problem with that?”. While you waited to see how Ben would react, you folded your arms over the towel.

Ben opened his mouth to tell you why you shouldn't be half-naked here by the pool, but it wasn't just the blood loss in his head caused by the tantalizing sight of your perfect breasts that thwarted his plans; simply the lack of a proper reason.

Why did it actually bother him? After all, you weren't his girlfriend. He also didn't give a shit about his image right now, so he didn't have to worry about being seen like that with you. So why did your actions trigger him so much?

"Just…just get fucking dressed", he grumbled, jaw clenched, pushing his sunglasses back into place as he tried to ignore his almost painful erection in his trunks.

With an annoyed groan, you decided to follow his instructions, as you had absolutely no nerve for another unnecessary and nerve-wracking argument with him. “Yeah, whatever”, you grumbled to yourself before turning back to your cocktail.

The next time Ben looked at you from his phone, he noticed that you had fallen asleep. He rolled his eyes, stood up, pulled an parasol over your lounger and looked around. Slowly but surely he was getting bored and no one wanted Soldier Boy to be bored.

It didn't take long before he had the prospect of a nice pastime. Less than five feet away from him sat two absolutely hot, young blondes whose eyes were staring at him lustfully. Ben knew that they would be absolutely easy. Confident and full of himself, he walked towards the two girls, while you fell further and further behind in his thoughts.

About two hours later, you slowly woke up from your restful nap. You had to blink a few times before you could look away from the now setting sun. “Ughhh”, you grumbled and stretched. Your eyes wandered to the parasol, which was no longer of any use, but still made you smile briefly. Ben must have set it up for you.

You ran your hand through your hair and looked around. The pool and bar were starting to get emptier and if you looked at your phone you knew why. Most people probably just ate dinner.

You stayed on the lounger for a while, wondering where Ben had gone and whether he would show up again soon. As he still wasn't back after about 20 minutes, you figured he was definitely drinking somewhere and decided to take a shower before starting dinner. After packing your things, you walked towards your little beach house, weak in the knees and feeling like you were walking on clouds. It was by far one of the most relaxing afternoons ever and you almost felt full of energy.

When you entered the house and heard some intense noises, you didn't want to go any further. You should have just left the house again.

Nevertheless, your feet carried you to the bedroom door.

The scene in front of you unfolded with an intensity that bordered on primal. Ben's movements were relentless as he pounded into a blonde, young girl, his hips driving forward with a fervor fueled by raw desire. The sound of flesh meeting flesh echoed in the air, punctuated by the moans of pleasure that spilled from the lips of all three. Meanwhile, the woman beneath Ben's skilled touch was lost in ecstasy, her body arching with each thrust, her red nails digging into the sheets as waves of pleasure washed over her. But even as she surrendered to the pleasure coursing through her veins, her lips found purchase elsewhere, trailing kisses along the curves of the other girl’s body, laying with spread legs in front of her. The other woman, lost in the throes of passion, arched her back as the sensation of warm lips and skilled tongue danced across her skin. Pleasure rippled through her body, building with each flick of the tongue, each gentle nip of teeth. Her hands tangled in the sheets as she surrendered to the intoxicating sensation, her moans mingling with those of her companions in a symphony of lust.

As you stood in the doorway, frozen in shock, a whirlwind of emotions tore through you with dizzying force. The sight of Ben entwined with two women ignited a fierce storm of jealousy, its flames licking at the edges of your composure. Your heart hammered painfully against your ribs, each beat echoing the ache of longing and desire you had buried deep within.

As your eyes met Ben's, a surge of heat flooded your cheeks, betraying the tumult of emotions raging within you. His smirk, equal parts charming and mischievous, sent a shiver down your spine, but it was his bold invitation that jolted you back to reality. "You wanna join?". His words hung in the air, as he watched you with an intensity that made your heart race even faster.

With a forced smile that barely masked the ache in your chest, your voice barely a whisper as you replied, "I think I'll pass".

Without waiting for his response, you turned on your heel, fleeing the room.

As you emerged into the sunlight, the salty breeze washed over you, offering a fleeting moment of respite from the storm raging within, you made your way back to the bar, the taste of bitterness lingered on your tongue, a reminder of the jealousy that gnawed at your insides. Each step felt heavier than the last, weighed down by the burden of your own conflicting emotions.

As you reached the bar, you sank onto a stool. With a weary sigh, you signaled the bartender, your voice barely above a whisper as you ordered a drink, anything to numb the ache in your heart. After the bartender set the drink before you, you wrapped your fingers around the glass, the cool condensation soothing against your trembling hands. With each sip, you felt the tension slowly ebb away, replaced by a numbness.

After a few too many drinks, you were feeling pleasantly buzzed, the world around you a blur of laughter and neon lights. With a carefree grin plastered on your face, you stumbled out of the bar, the cool night air a welcome relief against your flushed cheeks.

While you made your way back to the beach house, your steps were anything but steady, weaving a drunken dance along the sandy path. The stars above winked down at you, their twinkling lights adding to the whimsy of the night.

As you stumbled into the beach house, a wave of dizziness washing over you, you were greeted by the sight of Ben lounging on the couch, a mischievous glint in his eyes. He took a casual drag of the joint between his fingers, the smoke curling lazily around him. With a smirk playing on his lips, Ben reached for the small mirror on the coffee table, deftly arranging a few lines of coke with practiced precision.

As he leaned back against the cushions, his gaze fixed on you, a playful grin tugging at the corners of his lips. "Hey there, sunshine", he drawled, his voice thick with amusement. "You look like you've had one too many. You smell like it, too".

You couldn't help but chuckle at his observation, the alcohol dulling the edge of embarrassment that threatened to creep in. "Guilty as charged", you replied with a playful wink, sinking into the nearest chair with a contented sigh.

As the night wore on and the alcohol continued to flow, the atmosphere between you and Ben grew increasingly charged.

With a mischievous glint in your eye, fueled by liquid courage, you couldn’t resist the urge to tease Ben about what you had seen earlier. “So, Soldier Boy”, you began, your words slurring slightly as you leaned in closer, “those two… girls in the bedroom earlier… quite the party, huh?”.

Ben’s demeanor shifted instantly, his playful expression darkening slightly. “Mind your own fucking business, sweetheart”, he growled.

But fueled by alcohol and a stubborn streak a mile wide, you pressed on, emboldened by the rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins. “Come on, Ben” you persisted, your words tumbling out in a drunken torrent. “I thought you were all about having a good time. Or is it only fun when it’s on your terms?”

With a grin, you leaned in closer, the scent of alcohol lingering on your breath as you teased him further. "Oh, come on, Ben", you taunted, your words dripping with sarcasm. "Don't be such a prude. I'm sure you've got some juicy details to share".

Ben's jaw clenched visibly, his fists tightening at his sides as he struggled to rein in his temper. But despite the anger burning bright in his eyes, there was a hint of curiosity lurking beneath the surface, a desire to play along with your dangerous game.

"Fine", he bit out, his voice tight with barely-contained frustration. "You want to know how it went down? I'll tell you". His words were sharp.

But instead of backing down, you leaned in closer, your gaze locked with his as you egged him on, your own jealousy bubbling just beneath the surface. "Go on, then", you challenged, your voice dripping with false bravado. "I'm all ears". And as Ben launched into the sordid details of his escapades with the two women, you couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy gnawing at your insides. But fueled by a potent mix of desire and defiance, you pushed aside your own insecurities, determined to play the game until the bitter end.

"Hmm, sounds like you had a blast", you remarked casually, your tone deceptively light as you leaned back in your chair, feigning indifference. "I guess those girls were lucky to have you for the night".

Ben's gaze flickered with surprise at your response. But before he could respond, you rose from your seat with a playful sway, the alcohol lending a buoyancy to your movements.

As you made your way to the bathroom, you couldn't resist one final jab, your words echoing through the room with a hint of mischief. "Oh, and Ben", you called out over your shoulder, your voice teasing and light-hearted, "next time, try not to settle for such cheap thrills. You could do so much better than those two bimbos". With that, you entered the bathroom to undress.

As you fumbled with the zipper of your dress, struggling to free yourself from its confines, you were startled by the sound of Ben's voice behind you. Leaning against the doorframe with a predatory glint in his eyes, he watched you with a mixture of amusement and desire.

"Having a bit of trouble there, sweetheart?", he teased, his voice thick with innuendo as he sauntered closer, his gaze never leaving your form. "Need a hand?".

Despite the alcohol coursing through your veins, a shiver of awareness shot through you at his proximity, your skin prickling with anticipation. With a playful roll of your eyes, you shot back, "I can handle it, thanks".

But Ben wasn't deterred by your feigned indifference, his smirk widening as he closed the distance between you. "You know", he murmured, his breath hot against your ear, "I'd much rather be fucking that tight little pussy of yours right now. But since you won't let me, I guess I'll have to settle for something else, even if it's cheap".

His words sent a thrill of desire coursing through you, your cheeks flushing with heat at the raw intensity of his confession. Despite your better judgment, you couldn't deny the pull of attraction that simmered between you, a potent mixture of longing and forbidden desire.

With a playful swat to his chest, you shot him a coy grin over your shoulder. "Dream on, Soldier Boy", you teased. "You'll have to try a lot harder than that to win me over".

As Ben closed the gap between you, his fingers brushed against the zipper of your dress, a bold gesture that sent a jolt of electricity coursing through your veins. With a swift motion, he pulled the zipper down, the fabric of your dress falling to the ground, revealing your perfectly young body clad only in lace panties, your breasts bare beneath the sheer fabric.

A smirk played on Ben's lips as he took in the sight before him, his gaze roaming hungrily over your exposed skin. "Well, well, well", he murmured, his voice low and husky with desire. "Look what we have here. Seems like you were hiding quite the little treat under that dress of yours."

His words were laced with a hint of arrogance, a reminder of the power he wielded over you in this moment of vulnerability.

With a playful roll of your eyes, you shot him a grin, your own desire mirrored in the depths of your gaze. "Like what you see, Ben?", you teased, your voice dripping with sarcasm. "Or is it too much for your fragile ego to handle?".

Ben's smirk widened at your challenge, his fingers tracing a path along the curve of your hip with tantalizing slowness. "Oh, I can handle it just fine, sweetheart", he replied, his voice thick with promise. "In fact, I think it's about time you found out just how much I can handle".

And with that, he pulled you into his arms, his lips crashing against yours in a heated kiss that left you breathless and wanting more. You found yourself too drunk and too overwhelmed to push him away. His kiss was demanding, lacking the tenderness you had hoped for, but the alcohol had already clouded your judgment.

Feeling his strength, Ben effortlessly lifted you, his supe abilities making you feel like a feather in his arms as he pressed you against the sink. The cold porcelain sent a shiver down your spine, but it was nothing compared to the heat of Ben's touch. You moaned softly as his lips moved against yours with a sense of entitlement, his hands exploring your body with possessiveness. Despite your hazy state, a part of you couldn't help but feel uncomfortable with the way he was handling you, but you were too lost in the moment to protest.

"Finally getting a taste of what you've been missing, huh?", Ben murmured between kisses. "You should have given in sooner, sweetheart".

His words stung, a reminder of the power dynamic at play between you.

As Ben's lips trailed down your neck, leaving a trail of hot kisses and lingering marks, you squirmed in his grasp, a mixture of pleasure and discomfort coursing through you. His actions were rough and possessive.

"Ben", you slurred, your voice barely a whisper as you struggled to form coherent thoughts. "What are you doing?".

But Ben paid no heed to your question, his lips finding their way to your collarbone as he continued to trail kisses along your skin. With a grunt, he lifted you effortlessly, his strength making you feel like a ragdoll in his arms. As he carried you towards the bedroom, you could feel his arousal pressing against you, a reminder of the desires that drove him. Despite your intoxicated state, a sense of unease gnawed at the pit of your stomach, a voice in the back of your mind warning you of the dangers ahead.

"Relax, sweetheart", Ben murmured, his voice low and husky with desire. "I'm just showing you a good time".

His words sent a chill down your spine. But as Ben's lips crashed against yours once more, you couldn't help but lose yourself in the heat of the moment, the alcohol dulling your senses and clouding your judgment.

As Ben threw you onto the bed with a force that bordered on roughness, you let out a startled gasp, the impact sending shockwaves of sensation coursing through your body..

His eyes blazing with hunger as he rid himself of his shirt, revealing the sculpted contours of his chest. He hovered over you, his gaze intense and hungry, as he trailed kisses down your chest, his lips leaving a fiery trail in their wake. Your breath hitched in your throat as pleasure surged through you, a quiet moan escaping your lips at his touch.

"Mmm, that's it", Ben murmured. "Let me hear you".

With a satisfied smirk, Ben continued his exploration, his hands roaming freely over your body. His lips trailing lower, igniting sparks of pleasure with every kiss.

Just as Ben's lips reached the hem of your panties, you abruptly grabbed his wrist, pulling him up to meet your gaze with a frustrated growl.#

"What?", Ben asked, his tone tinged with annoyance as he met your gaze.

"Be gentle", you slurred. "Please, Ben", you begged, your voice trembling with vulnerability. "Just this once".

Ben's suspicion grew as he registered your unusual request. "What's the big deal?", he demanded, his voice tinged with frustration. "You've never been shy about what you want before".

You hesitated, feeling exposed and vulnerable beneath his scrutinizing gaze. "I've never… done this before", you admitted, your cheeks burning with embarrassment.

Ben's eyes widened in realization, a smirk playing on his lips as he pieced together the puzzle. "Ah, I see", he remarked, his tone laced with amusement. "Virgin territory, huh? Well, aren't I lucky".

With your inhibitions dulled by alcohol, you found yourself unable to protest, resigned to whatever fate awaited you.

As Ben began to pull down your panties, a smirk played on his lips as he watched your slick folds glisten in the dim light of the room. "Looks like you're more than ready for me, princess", he murmured.

———————————

A/N: Please let me know what you think.🥰 I loved this Chapter ._.

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Part 9

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Taglist: @deangirl96, @thatgirljayy, @suckitands33, @deans-spinster-witch @mimaria420 @kaz11283 @uncle-eggy

[justaminuteimonhold]

Start the day by drinking 2 pints (water, milk, tea, coffee..) before you use the toilet.

That's your first rule, and for the rest of the day you're going to need to do that before you're allowed to use the toilet again.

Additionally, every time you use the toilet your going to add another rule before you're allowed to use it again. Each rule will follow you until the end of the day.

For example:

You must wait at least 30 minutes before using the toilet again

You must pee a little in your pants first

You must do 10 push ups first

You must pull your pants and undies down and squat over hard wood flooring or your clean laundry for 2 minutes first

If you leak enough to spill on the floor, you have a choice:

Void where you are, and start over with your rules before using the toilet again, or

Drink an extra pint and you may use the toilet immediately

At the end of the day before bed, your last rule is that you won't get up to use the toilet until your normal wake up time, at which time, you'll drink two pints 😈

[thebibliosphere]

I was like oh, maybe this is just a normal tummy ache (hello from the bathroom floor) and then 30 minutes later I’m shaking uncontrollably and having to pee every 5 minutes as my body tries to get rid of the excess adrenaline my mast cells are forcing into my system as the little bastards degranulate.

And the thing is, it possibly could have been a normal stomach ache, but having MCAS is like living with an overreactive roommate who sees smoke coming from the pan you just burned -- no biggie, nothing a little soaking can’t fix. And instead of letting the pan cool down and filling the kitchen sink with water decides to “help” by flooding the bathroom and ripping down vital support structure walls so the water can get to it, causing more damage and several electrical fires along the way.

Fucking nightmare body.

[nuri148]

Distances in AoT

Or: Yams has no idea of geography and the relationship between distance and travel times in AOT makes no sense.

PART TWO: GEOMETRY AND PONIES

In the first part, we’ve seen how freaking huge the distances between the main districts of the Walls are. Here is a summary:

Center-Sina: 250 km

Sina-Rose: 130 km (Center-Rose: 380 km)

Rose-Maria: 100 km (Sina-Maria: 230 km; Center-Maria: 480 km)

To go from a District to the next on the same wall:

Along wall Sina: 393 km (352 if cutting in a straight line between the two)

Along wall Rose: 597 km (537 in a straight line)

Along wall Maria: 754 km (~720 in a light curve, as straight line not possible)

Here’s a summary of the shortest distances (combining radius and chords) between districts:

(I’ve only put the most frequently mentioned in canon)

Throughout canon, we see the characters moving between a handful of Districts. To the iniciated it may look like said travels are a tad too fast considering the means of transport that they use. It’s okay. The insta-travel effect has been seen in every other epic fictional world, be it the Middle Earth, Westeros or Narnia. And we’re willing to suspend our disbelief. But AoT has a crucial difference in that sense.

We’ve been told the exact distance between the walls. In kilometres, not some fictional or obscure, ancient measure unit. Suspending disbelief does not come easy when the numbers are exact.

It’s like when you’re watching a movie, and the hero has only 10 minutes to get to the bomb before it detonates, so he races through the streets of, say, Paris, and they go from the Louvre, to the Arc de Triomph, wreck havoc on a market along the Seine, rush through Montmartre, around the Eiffel Tower and skid to a halt when the car crashes in front of the Opera. And most people will be ok with that, but the few millions who live in or know Paris are like... Nope. That’s not possible. Not even with 007’s Aston Martin or the Batmobile. That makes absolutely no sense. It’s ten times worse if the hero is running.

Well, guess what, the Survey Corps do not travel in the Batmobile.

The Survey Corps travel by horse. On longer expeditions, they also have horse-drawn carts.

Now, if you fill up the tank of your BMW and pad your butt, you can drive the 480 km (road distance) from Berlin to Ansbach in about 4:40 hours without traffic. That’s not stopping for anything other than traffic lights, and using some of the best highways in the world. That’s an average of 102 km/h. With normal traffic, you could do that in 5:30 hours, averaging 87 km/h. That’s how long a badass modern car would take to go from Mitras to Shiganshina.

But, and this may come as a shock, a horse is not a car.

First and foremost, a horse cannot ride as fast as a car. As per the Publicly Available Information from canon, “The stable horses used by the Survey Corps are selectively bred (...) and travel for many hours without complaining. (...) Their top speed is between 75–80 km/h, and they can maintain a swift 35 km/h gallop. The horses are tenacious, able to maintain a fine speed of 20 km/h even when pulling a carriage.”

For one good thing in all this mess, numbers are in accordance with real horses. And I have no problem accepting that the SC horses are the cream of the crop when it comes to speed and resistance, like our fastest horses and most resistant horses combined. But horses, I repeat, are not cars.

Cars are machines. Horses are living, sentient beings. They cannot fill their stomach like a car a gas tank and run at top speed until it empties, rinse and repeat. They need food and water. They need shoes. They need bathroom stops (they can shit while walking, but they need to stop for pee). But mostly, they need rest. Horses can and do die of exhaustion. (And given that SC horses are super expensive, you don’t want to work them to death.)

A horse can maintain its maximum speed for only 3 km—4 for a race champion. That’s the maximum length of horse track races, actually. After such a sprint, they need to rest for a while. So even when dodging titans, you won’t do so at top speed – you just need to be faster than the enemy. Obviously, the slower the gallop, the longer the time it can be maintained, so sprinting at less-than-top-speed will allow to dodge more titans.

When you’re just travelling from point A to point B, then, you won’t waste the precious energy of the horse in a sprint. Those journeys would be made at a lower speed, for the faster you make the horse go, the more, longer stops it will need to rest, catch its breath, eat and drink. Likewise, if the horse is carrying weight, it will go slower and need more rest. Long distance horses can only cover 50–60 km per day—And before someone says endurance competition horses can run over 100–160 km in a day... that is not the same as 100 km per day, in the same way marathon runners don’t do 42 km per day; they do them in a day. The day of the race. After training specifically for that race. Then they rest for a few days. Horses are the same. Moreover, long distance endurance races have mandatory vet checks along the way to see that the horse is able to keep going. And if you have an expensive horse and no vet every 20 km to check it, you will take care not to push it, lest it collapses midway and the titans eat you.

So, considering SC horses are specially bred for endurance, we can safely equate them to long-distance working horses of our world; I’ll assume they’re the GOAT and can cover 60 km per day.

But wait! I hear some of you say. If they can go at 35 km/h, they can cover much more than 60 km a day! Er... no. Because they need to rest. They cannot trot at 35 km/h for 8 hours straight. They can’t even walk for that long without stopping to rest. Same as like Marathon runners never reach the same speeds as sprinters and middle-distance runners. 

Please note that this numbers refer to a single horse. You can cover longer distances, or cover a given distance faster, if you change your horse for a freshly rested one at given points. This is not an instant process: the new horse will have to be tacked and you’ll have to transfer the cargo, if any, from horse A to horse B (in AoT world, they cannot text the next station to have the horse tacked when they arrive). A convoy of several horses will be slightly slower and, I repeat, if there are carts, the whole convoy will be conditioned to the slowest cart (the horse/s will be slowed by the cart in the same way a car is slowed if you attach a trailer to it). In every rest station, the horse needs to be untacked and then re-tacked before continuing, same as hikers will put down their backpacks when taking a break.

For reference, The Pony Express, the fastest horse dispatch system ever, could cover 300 km per 24-hour day (they rode day and night). They managed to cover that much that by having a huge infrastracture that allowed the rider to change horses every 16-24 km, and pass the dispatch to another rider every 75 km or so. That’s 4-7 horses every 100 km.

So either AoT horses are more magical than My Little Pony ones or Yams cannot distinguish between a horse and a Ferrari.

Guess which one I’m betting on.

Side Comment: The Ferry

Talking about this with one of my fandom friends, she mentioned her bafflement that they didn’t use the ferries that we see in the first chapters evacuating people from Shiganshina to transport  themselves quickly from place to place. I thought she had a good point, so I looked into it. Thankfully for Yams though, I looked into this and it’s not really an option.

The steam engine is unknown in Paradis, so the ferries would have to be operated manually. (The publicly available info panel on the subject comes from the Lost girls OVA, so its canonicity is questionable, and it has contradictory info saying they are moved via wires along the river (as manual ferries do) but also that they are powered by the same gas as the VMG – which make little sense bc then you don’t need the wire and why not have a railway as well?). And the maximum speed a manually hauled barge can attain is not better than that of a horse. For a RL example, the fastest that horse-drawn barges travelling the Canal du Midi in the 19th century could reach was 32 hours for the 240 km ride... changing horses every 10km. Before that, it took four days. That’s 13 hours for 100 km – basically the same time it took the SC to go from Trost to Wall Maria in RtS, but without the possibility to change course if the road’s blocked or to dodge titans if they attack (and provided they had the fresh horses every 10 km, which they wouldn’t in RtS).

That said, I do think Yams totally forgot about the ferries.

Part 3

[clovesnz]

Dropping my anti-cold ruitine:

Wake up

Eat something somewhat wholesome

Drink tea

Take a covid test because I’m paranoid

Gargle salt water

Wear my crystal necklace even though I normally don’t believe in that kinda thing

Sit in the sunlight

Drink emergen c

Drink miso soup and have lunch

Take advil

Nap

Sit in the sunlight

Eat turkey for dinner lol

Drink more tea

Gargle more salt water

Drink a glass of water

Rest in bed and get up to pee every 30 minutes for a bit because of all the tea and water I just drank

Clutch my crystal necklace and pray for the universe to heal my ailments before hanging it up for the night

Take melatonin so that I don’t stay up worrying about how I will feel the next day

Repeat

[quillarchive]

The last few weeks, y'all

My mother keeps saying it's been a "tough karma weekend" and I just want to shake her and ask her does the understand that implies I deserve it??? Does she think I am a horrible person??

Anyway

Last May, I felt like I had a really nasty uti (called a "bladder infection" colloquially where I live). I went to the doc, given antibiotics of the general kind, and was tested for an actual UTI. Never got results. Called, never got an answer, etc.

Continue to be sick through June and July. With the return to work looming, I went to my regular doc in mid-July. I was given antibiotics and a test to see if there was a UTI.

The techs on the test accidentally tore the name label, making the final "e" of my last name disappear, so the test could not be run.

Doctor is making noise about cancer being more important to check for than running another infection check, and I'm referred to a specialist. He talks cancer (I'm cool, this is fine, this is fine, I mean, someone at my workplace was literally fired for missing too many days due to cancer without enough "evidence" last year, but I'm SURE IT WILL BE FINE) , then orders a CT scan and finds a HUGE KIDNEY STONE in my right kidney.

16 mm, if you are a kidney stone aficionado like myself. A stone must be under 5 mm to have a chance of passing on its own.

Now first, I have had about a dozen stones over the last 20 years, but this one was in the kidney, so it didn't hurt like a stone. It was just screwing stuff up in there, thus making the painful and sick UTI symptoms.

Secondly, this should have been dealt with back in March but whatEVS.

I put off the surgery for a few weeks because we're back to work and being out in the beginning of the year is a nightmare.

August 28, I have the procedure to break up the stone and a stent put in.

August 29, I know that something is Not Right because I am in constant, throbbing pain.

August 30, I call the doc and am, of course, completely dismissed about the whole pain issue. "That's normal" the nurse says before basically hanging up on me.

Sept. 7, 9:15 am. The stent is removed at the doctor's office. The relief is incalculable because that thing hurt like a MOTHER every second of every day.

By 1:00 I know that something is, once again, Very Wrong, because THIS time I have the HELLA OW back pain that is a kidney stone in the ol' tubes AND feel like I am (TMI) still peeing boiling acid as I have since Aug. 29. And for a special bonus, there is vomiting. (There's no fever. I haven't run a fever in two decades. My body just Does Not Care to Try That Hard.)

Call doc, leave message. Call doc at 1, leave message. Call doc at 3, leave message. Decide fine, I will drive my deeply pained and probably shouldn't be driving ass 40 minutes to the hospital ER. (An ambulance ride would be 100s of dollars, even with my pretty good health insurance, and I've already spent several hundred on this situation in copays.)

Sitting in the ER with 1/4 of the city's population, the doc's office finally calls back around 4 pm and says, "With those symptoms, you need to go immediately to the AR."

SURPRISE BENCH I'M ALREADY HERE.

Wait in the ER and have a test now and again from ~4pm to 10:30 pm. (The hospital did make sure I paid my $150 ER copay even though they had done nothing for two hours at the time. Priorities.) Make nice with the nurses, trying to figure out why I have been given zero pain meds when I have been officially referred my by doctor for a kidney stone related issue. Find out about 9 they will not give me pain meds without a urinalysis.

My dudes, my laydees, my folks who have no time for the gender binary, I had no liquid left in my poor, dehydrated, screaming body. ALSO the drink machine in the ER is closed and I am there alone, so I can't send someone to brave the streets in search of some gosh darned water. THERE IS NO WATER TO DRINK EXCEPT THE BATHROOM TAP AND NOT A SINGLE CUP AVAILABLE TO THE ILL MASSES.

A kind nurse finally gets me a cup of ice water, which I gulp down because dammIT I am in pain. Finally, peeage happens around 10:00.

It takes more than an hour to run the test and find out, wow, I have a raging infection. By this time I have had an abdominal sonogram and a CT scan, so they KNOW I have a giant obstruction! WHY DID I NEED AN INFECTION TO GET PAINKILLERS.

So I'm sitting there, crying silently in pain because you know. And the skin on my face is RIDICULOUS and literally is BURNED BY MY TEARS so I look an especial mess and no one is checking on me but I am clearly making the other pathetic ER patrons uncomfortable. Finally, the nurse I had been very politely asking for updates throughout the night comes up and asks, "Are you ready to get out of here?" and moves me, bless her, to a weird little side room with a powerful "This used to be a closet vibe." I get painkillers a little before midnight. I have been in full kidney stone pain for 11 hours.

The nurses tell me the CT scan show a 1.6 centimeter stone in my tubage. I think, "Wait, that's hardly smaller than it was," before my American brain goes back to middle school math class and says, "WAIT THAT IS EXACTLY THE SAME AS 16 MM WHAT THE H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS?!"

At 1:30 AM I am moved to the room and told my doc will see me in the morning.

Doc arrives ~8 am. I have had nothing to drink since midnight, so I am hoping we get this show on the road. He tries to claim the original procedure "worked" because the stone is broken up it just, you know, all JAMMED ITSELF BACK INTO A BALL as soon as the stent was out and built a little campsite complete with RAGING FIRE so we are gonna have to have another procedure under full anesthesia to pull it out and put in another stent.

I was too tired to strangle him, so I am not in jail.

I am finally taken back for surgical prep and to sign my life away around 4. I sit around for hours and finally go back to surgery ~ 7 pm.

Friends, acquaintances, and mortal enemies, I was so fricking thirsty.

ANYWAY I'm back to my room, feeling grumpy because my version of getting high from "the good stuff" is becoming Oscar the Grouch Minus Trashcan. I never get to feel all floaty and nice. Because life is a bench.

By the next morning, it is absolutely clear to me that something was VERY WRONG with the previous stent because THIS one is mildly uncomfortable, and not HELLO KNIVES TO THE GUT by my doc is just still trying to claim the first surgery was a success even though it FAILED SO BADLY I HAD A SECOND SURGERY (complete with copay). But whatever, your girl is tired, I wanna go home.

I am driven home because one can't drive on The Good Stuff. I'm home about 2 pm on Saturday afternoon, and zonk out in front of the television. Hallelujah.

Friend gives me a ride to the ER parking lot on Sunday to get my car. This means I haven't taken pain pills, but I'm not feeling the need since there is, apparently, nothing wrong with this fnjdksbhkbgiywebubWOEING stent unlike the first one. We pull up, I hop out and turn the key in my lovely little toy car.

AND IT DOES NOT START.

IT HAS DIED JUST SITTING IN THE ER PARKING LOT.

WHAT THE HELL ROSALEE??? I THOUGHT WE LOVED EACH OTHER!! I KNOW I KEEP TOO MUCH JUNK IN THE BACKSEAT BUT THIS???

Now, I do not have my cellphone because I somehow didn't plug it in last night and it was dead this morning. I am blaming the grouchy morphine. My jumper cables are, I realize, hanging in my garage, and my friend doesn't have any. We take her car to go buy jumper cables. Return to the ER parking lot, where we have become an entertaining show for the security personnel stuck out by the front entrance, drinking coffee and most likely taking bets on jumping the toy battery inside my toy car, which is stupidly difficult to get hooked up to the cables.

While I am waging war, a lovely mechanic walks by (female presenting person by open car hood looking pitiful generally leads to this in my area, and I appreciate it) and finally! Rosalee is running!

My friend insists on following me back to the auto place Just in Case only she leaves her phone in my car somehow and I have NO phone and we completely misunderstand what was supposed to happen and lose each other to driving the 2 miles between ER and Auto Zone several times trying to figure out where the heckadoodle the other person IS.

Every time you go through the ER parking lot, it costs $2 to get out. Just. As a bonus.

BUT FINALLY we met up at the AutoZone, and of course my Toy Battery is only available in one premium style (because toy cars are a pain in the klodney; my toy car also comes with impossible-to-find TOY TIRES, I kid you not, do not trust online reviews and research when you are a vehicle luddite). But that's okay! It's fine! The wonderful, knowledgeable tech installs it, my friend and I part ways with only minimal frustrated crying, she has her phone, I have my car, and I DRIVE HOME TO MY HOUSE AND GO TO BED FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.

Except I have to get everything ready for work tomorrow, so.....I'm awake again.

And my mother keeps insisting it's a "bad karma experience" and I'm just

DO YOU THINK I AM A SERIAL KILLER OR SOMETHING I LITERALLY DO NOT SQUASH SPIDERS.

Anyway, have a nice week, everyone, I am going back to bed until 6 in the ack emma.

Bai.

[annakie]

Four Hours and Fifteen Minutes

I cannot put into words how normal today was until about 11:15 this morning.

Fry woke me up, mostly, around 6am.  I also needed to pee, so I got up, then went back to bed.  Fry kept being annoying, so I didn't really sleep that last hour, and eventually I sat up and browsed Reddit.  Fry started being EXTRA annoying, telling me every few seconds that I needed to get up and feed them, so I put on my headphones and played music, especially when Leela started joining in the chorus from the living room.  They don't get fed until after 7am, or they start expecting it earlier and earlier.

Later, as I was still sitting up browsing, Leela jumped up onto the bed.  She occasionally comes and visits in the bedroom since it's opened up after Patchy died in August, but rarely stays long.  She didn't stay long this time either, but for about five minutes she walked around me, and I petted her a bunch as she did.  She hopped back down and headed to her bed on my desk, between one monitor and my computer, a bed on a heated mat on fairly low heat.

Always in the back of my mind now, especially the last two months, is a reminder that I almost lost her in April, 2021.  Since then she's been on borrowed time, when the emergency vet brought her back around when one of her kidneys started failing and got infected.  She's only had one working one since, and her blood levels have started inching up in bad kidney-related ways.  So the last two months she's been on a pretty strict diet of low-phosphorous food.

Tomorrow, I reminded myself, she had a vet appointment to get those levels checked.  I was hoping for a good report, though she does still get her treats, and sometimes sneaks off to eat Fry and Pemily's not-low-phosphorous food. Still, she's been happy and energetic the last two months and I had very little to report.

Eventually I got up, fed the Outside cats (still working on making them inside cats), grabbed a small handful of their food, sprinkled some on the floor to make Fry hunt for it.  Opened the bedroom door.  He, Pemily and Leela ran in.  Fry ran to his hunting spot while I called Leela and Pemily to follow me back to the Office.

Leela got about six pieces of the junk food, Pemily got about twice that.  I grabbed Leela's water bowl and now-empty-except-for-crusties food bowl and Pemily's little water bowl, along with my Yeti mug.

Leela yelled for food as soon as she finished her few pieces of kibble.  I opened a new can of her food and spooned out over half of it into a clean food dish, filled the two small water bowls with cold, filtered water from the Brita, and walked back to the desk.

I set Pemily's water bowl down first, and Leela headed for it, before I called her back over to her own bowl of cool water and plate of food.  She ate, ravenously, and drank her cool water with gusto.  I headed back to the kitchen, filled my Yeti with ice, refilled the ice tray, poured water.

A little while later I made coffee and a bagel, Leela had almost finished her food and wanted the remainders smooshed so she could eat it better, I smooshed it.

A little while after that she was about done and calling for more food, loudly.  So I went back and put the rest of the food from the 3.3oz can in the dish, knowing she wouldn't quite finish it.  That's fine, Pemily or Fry could have it before I got Leela's dinner that evening.

I was right, she only ate about half of the remainders of the food.  Whatever.

At 10:30 I had a meeting.  I had to tell Leela to shush a time or two and apologize for her friendly talkative nature.  I also told my boss about the vet appointment the next morning.  He asked if everything was OK.  Yeah, I said, probably!  Just a check on her blood levels, since she only has one working kidney.  She's old, almost 18, but aside from that, she's doing great.  Hopefully we'll get a good report tomorrow!

I stopped Pemily from eating Leela's food as she snuggled in to the other bed on the desk, then the meeting started in earnest.  I was mostly just taking notes, which is easy but requires a lot of looking at the screen.

At about 11 Leela hopped off the desk and went to her bathroom spot, and relieved herself.  Then she had a good run around the house for about a minute, as is her way after her morning constitutional.  She was yelling as she ran, as is usual, but I had my mic muted so didn't have to shush her or apologize for her.  I don't mind it.  She's running and happy, which must mean, she's healthy.  Run all you want, itty bit.

At 11:15, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Leela standing up on her hindquarters for an inordinately long time.  I looked over and she was falling backwards off the desk.  I didn't have a hope to catch her.  I expected her to leap back up in a few seconds.

But she didn't.

So after about fifteen seconds I got up and went behind the desk and looked, and she was laying on the floor, looking dazed.  She didn't look like she hit her head, more like she was splayed out.

I carefully checked her to see if she was hurt, but didn't seem so.  She was slowly moving herself. Still, I was concerned. I unmuted my mic and said I need to be out of the meeting for a bit, remuted, then took my headset off.

I picked her up and put her in the other cat bed so I could see her easily, Pemily had left at some point.  For about a minute she just laid there looking around slowly, then she got up and walked back to HER bed.

OK.  She's alert, she's walking.  Nothing seemed broken or hurt.  She just had an oopsie, she'd caught her claws on something, yanked her arm back too hard, lost balance and fell.  Clumsy, but it happens.  I'll keep an eye on her.

After being out for five or seven minutes, I put my headset back on and finished out the meeting.

For the next two hours I was checking her every ten or fifteen minutes.  She seemed a little slow, but mostly alert, and she didn't throw up or show other signs of trauma, so I let her be, and let her sleep.  I’d mention it tomorrow at the vet.

Leela was awake around one forty five.  She was alert and acting completely normal.  She ate a bite or two of food.  I was watching her, with one eye on my work screen, when her entire body tensed up, she pulled one arm to her body in a true claw-like manor, and was shaking a little.

No, something WAS wrong.  I tried comforting her for a second then grabbed my phone.  By the time I got my camera recording it was mostly over, but I caught some of it at the end.

She has a doctor's appointment in sixteen hours, I thought.  What is this?  Can I google it?  She went back to being normal within a minute of the incident.  I thought about the icy roads outside, if it would be safe to leave, or if it was an emergency now.

I tried, for about ten minutes, and of course none of it was good.  I realized I was being dumb.  I grabbed my phone and started pulling up my vet's number.

And then she did it again.  It was definitely some kind of seizure.  Now near freaking-out levels, I dialed, and it connected to my fucking headphones, and the next time too despite me trying to stop it.  The third time, now I was full on shaking as I held Leela through the end of whatever was happening to her, I tried to hold my panic in as I talked to the office.

They put me on hold to check to make sure they had the capacity or if I'd need to go to the emergency vet.  I quickly threw on clean clothes while waiting, forgoing a shower I probably really needed.

Bring her in, they said.  I'll be there in twenty minutes, I said.

The ice had, thankfully, mostly melted on the roads throughout the day.  I slid a few times, there was a lot of slush out there, but I told myself from the second I got her in the carrier and into the car, that I had to drive safe.

I did.  And I talked to Leela the whole way, wanting to hear her cry because that meant she wasn't seizing.

And I thought about December 28, 2016. Driving Cebu to the vet after I woke up and he'd been throwing up blood and barely responsive.  I thought about my dashcam recording of that morning that I found myself watching, listening to Cebu moan in pain and me begging him to hang on, knowing I was taking him to leave, more peacefully than now.

I thought about December 25th, 2016.  When I didn't take Jim to the vet soon enough and he died in the middle of the night, alone without me, and probably scared.

I thought about August 12th, 2022.  Worried, but not really giving thought to the fact that Patchy had gotten THAT bad.  Thinking they'd re-hydrate her, give her some anti-nausea meds and tell me to double her prednisone again, buy her a few more weeks or months.  Until Dr. N saw her blood levels.

I tried not to think about that, tried not to think that this could be Leela's last car ride.  That I could be leaving there without her.

I mean fuck, her KIDNEYS are supposed to kill her.  I've known that for almost two years!! What the fuck was THIS!?

I made it to the vet, with only a light amount of crying and icy road problems along the way.  Took her inside and she'd been vocal the whole time AND while waiting in the lobby, voicing her displeasure.  Got her into a room and she'd peed in the carrier.

I took her out and was starting to clean it up when Dr. N came in.  

I gave him the history of the day.  Of how ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NORMAL she was all morning.  The time of her first seizure.  I was sure I hadn't seen anything like it earlier in the morning or anytime yesterday.  I was with her like twelve to fourteen hours most days.  It's possible she could have had one overnight but... she was normal by Breakfast so I didn’t think so.

Yes, she ate a lot.  She pooped and RAN before the first one.

Okay, he said.  It could have been a lack of oxygen and too much stress from the running. While we were talking, she tried jumping off the table, but I caught her pre-jump and held her.

Let's do bloodwork.

He took her, took some blood, they cleaned her up of any pee and cleaned the carrier as well.

They brought her back in and it was awhile for the results, so I was just holding her, talking her, then she climbed down and was hanging out on my Kaidan hoodie crumpled in the corner of the bench.  I was absentmindedly petting her watching animal planet on the TV in the room... when she fell over onto me.  Seizing.

I stood up carefully and laid her flat and called for Dr. N.  A few seconds later he and the vet tech rushed in, put her on the exam table and held her through the seizure.

And when he was done, he looked up at me, still petting her as she recovered and told me the news.

Her bloodwork was very different this time than last time.  Her kidney levels looked fine.

But some other numbers (he said them but I don't remember) were off the chart.

She's got lymphoma.

FUCKING.  LYMPHOMA.

THE SAME.  FUCKING.  THING.  THAT.  KILLED.  PATCHY.

They aren't related.

It happened in the last two months, and we didn't do any further tests, but he was sure that at the levels she had, and you know the fucking SEIZURES, it must have spread to the Central Nervous System.

He said we could TRY anti-seizure meds and prednisone, the same medicine Patchy was on for the last thirteen and a half months of her life.  But this had ravaged Leela much faster than it had younger, healthier Patchy.

I could take her home and try over the weekend, he said.   It would be at least a weekend before we knew if it would help.

If it didn't help, she would be seizing all weekend.  She could die at any time from one of the seizures.  It would be uncomfortable and painful for her.  It would be difficult for me, especially if she didn't respond well.

It's possible it would buy her weeks of life, but literally one of the numbers she had was off the chart.  Normal bad was like fifteen thousand.  Hers were like two hundred thousand, he explained.  They ran the tests twice, that's why it took so long.

It was my decision, he said.  Give me a few minutes to think about it, I said.

He left.  I held Leela and cried and tried to decide.  She was worth the pain of trying to me.  Tomorrow is Friday, I could see how tomorrow went on the meds, and they were open half of Saturday so I could bring her in then, if things didn't go well---

she seized again.  In my arms.

Each one looked worse and lasted longer.

I called for the doctor but he was with another patient.  I just held her and rubbed her head through it, until she twisted so much she almost slipped out of my arms.

I put her back on the table, and kept her warm while waiting.  Dr. N came in and I told her she seized again, just minutes after the last one.  He looked at me, and we both knew.  We knew.  I nodded.

He gave me a few minutes to say goodbye.  I told her over and over again how much I love her, and that she was going to go see Jim again.  Tell him, and Target, Sampo, Cebu and Patchy how much I love and missed them.  

They took her to put the catheter in, I texted my boss and my family.

They brought her back in, already sleepy.

And then the medicine went in, and I petted her until her last breath.  She still had bits of food on her nose from breakfast.  

I thanked Dr. N.  Told him I wanted to full package individual cremation, gave Leela one last kiss on the head, and left.

It was like, four hours and fifteen minutes from "Leela fell off the desk" to goodbye.

I left the vet in a daze, feeling like I'd been punched in the face.

I came home, changed into clean pajamas, didn't look at her spot where she was supposed to be on the desk.  Grabbed my Yeti and a new box of Puff's Plus and went to the bedroom, where I laid for three hours, crying wondering how the fuck this happened.  Texted one person, then felt like a jerk for dumping on them.

Called my mom, telling her all of this made me feel better.  

Eventually got the courage to come out here and start typing this.  After I cleaned up her bathroom area, and swapped out her tiny cat bed for one of the bigger beds.  There's no reason why Fry and Pemily can't sleep there now.

I tried showing Fry he could go there now, but he left immediately.  Different reaction than them happily reclaiming the master bedroom the instant I left the door open when Patchy was gone.

I've wracked my brain for some kind of sign that I'd missed.

Patchy had slowly gotten sick, eating less and less and throwing up more and more when she got lymphoma.

Leela has been eating like a horse and only thrown up hairballs a few times.

Leela gained weight.

There was a sneezing thing Leela had done a few times lately but it didn't seem neurological.  I had videoed her doing it last week, once out of the like, three times she did it in the last two months.  I didn't ask about it today.  I could next time I go in, I guess.  Not that it matters now.  That’s the only thing I can think of, though.

I just... I can't wrap my head around how fast she went from "having a great morning!" to rapidly seizing five times in four hours.

I still worry that I should have given her a CHANCE.  It was four hours.  It's not impossible that she would have gotten through it and...

...and her blood numbers were way off the charts.  And she likely would have had many more seizures, and she could have died here at home and I could have done nothing to stop it but watch her suffer.

Fuck.

She deserved to leave peacefully, and not in pain.

She was old.  Two months and a week from eighteen.  Once she became mine, she had a mostly happy life, once Fry stopped bullying her.  

I very nearly lost her almost two years ago and every day since then has been bonus time.  I used to morbidly joke that the money I spent on saving her life back then would be divided by the number of days that she survived past that, and I paid that much for every day of her life had been worth that much.  The number is $7.71.  I'd so gladly give $7.71 every day for another almost two years with her.

She's with Jim now, I am telling myself.  In my little cottage in heaven.  Cuddled up with Jim for the first time in a long time.  They were friends.  Jim didn't really like other animals but he did tolerate or even love Leela.  They didn't cuddle often, but he let her when she wanted to sometimes.

So now I'm imagining her up with him, Cebu hanging out nearby.  Meeting Target and Sampo, checking in on the bedroom and seeing Patchy there.  Jim and Leela in a spot near where they know I'm going to be, just within arms reach, waiting.

I'll write a memorial post later, write down everything I want to remember about her.  Right now I just am in that place where I am trying to believe it's real while desperately hoping it's all a very bad dream.

[night-yoarrbe]

things that happened in my last d&d session that will forever be stuck in my brain:

when we were holding my character's funeral and the tiefling barbarian started his speech by saying "now i know that this isn't ideal" and then went on to describe how, while he knew i wasn't going to hell, if i somehow did, he would personally make sure i would be having a good time.

the cleric in our group going literally insane due to a sanity mechanic we frequently use and during her mental breakdown exclaiming that her best friend (another pc) was never her friend and they should go away.

them then reconciling and during said interaction the other player character saying "you're everything, gwyn"

our entire group (consisting of a ghost, a druid wild shaped into a horse, the literal devil, a normal ass human, an aetherborn, and a hexblood) walking into a brothel and it immediately seemed like we wanted to do things with the horse.

us spending 20 minutes trying to convince the secretary that - no, we don't want to fuck the horse, we promise.

also the dm describing what our group looks like and it feeling like the start of a really bad joke. "a horse, a ghost, and the devil walk into a brothel)

our one month old aetherborn bard walking around said brothel and knocking on every single door until he found the npc that owned it.

one player going pee literally every 30 minutes during our 8 hour long session.

[jodilin65]

I'm so glad that 2024 is now gone, but I'm afraid to get too hopeful for 2025. I'd like to think that this year I will reclaim my nose, get a CPAP and get used to it, regain my energy, and finally get ahead financially without things constantly coming up to set us back. The problem is that I've had enough life experience to know that life rarely goes as planned. It's also common sense and goes without saying that the less money you have, the harder it is.

I would just settle for sleeping normally and having enough energy to function! I mean really, literally function. No one my age should have to struggle just to clean their house and do simple, everyday things. I'd also like to think that Vanessa will become the new Aly, even though no one could ever replace Aly.

Time goes so fast when you get older, but at the same time, it's creeping by slowly—at least for me. When you're retired and don’t have many possibilities for your future, time seems to drag on. Especially when you have health and sleep issues. Time definitely slows down when you don't feel well, whether physically or emotionally.

If I’m completely honest with myself, I don’t hold out much hope for significant change in the year to come—or possibly for the rest of my life. Time is moving both fast and slow. While it’s crawling, it also feels like just yesterday when COVID hit, and that’s already been half a decade ago.

That black pickup that was parked on us is in Ray’s driveway again, and Ray is beside it but not up against our driveway. I saw him exit his vehicle with a woman. I don’t know if the guy driving the black pickup is staying with him as well or just parking there. I’m guessing he’s staying with a friend of Ray’s who also lives here.

I don’t normally make New Year’s resolutions, but this year I’m determined not to reach out to those who don’t reach out to me. I totally respect people’s decision not to reach out if that’s what they choose, but I don’t want to hear from anyone anymore only because I reached out to them first. If they don’t care enough or desire enough to take the initiative, then they won’t hear from me again. I’m putting the ball in their court and leaving it up to them. It just doesn’t feel right anymore for me to always be the one to reach out, even if people respond. The older I get, the pickier I become when it comes to dealing with people—both online and offline.

I was watching a movie earlier, and there was an older woman in it who was gorgeous despite her age. She had those nice, deep, dark eyes I like and was attractive overall. I couldn’t help but think how much I’d be crushing on her if I still had those fun hormones that have long since faded.

Enjoy your youth if you’re young because it’s all going to hell eventually! Once you’re over 50, everything changes. Well, it slowly starts before that, but I’d say the late 40s is when things really start heading south—and I don’t just mean the boobies. Not that I didn’t have my share of problems in my 20s and 30s, but I definitely miss some aspects of those years. Now, I can’t see, I’m fat, it takes forever to pee, my libido is a joke, my skin is tissue-thin, and even my hair isn’t what it used to be. And I’m stuck on a medication for life that can make my life hell if I’m not careful. 

Speaking of fat, I’m not heavy enough for weight-loss drugs. You have to be truly obese for that. Even if I qualified, I’m not sure I’d have the guts to try it. I’m not going to lose any more weight on my own unless I drastically cut calories to compensate for my sluggish metabolism. Yes, I’d like to be healthier, but I also don’t want to spend every other minute of my life starving. I think I’ll just be grateful for the 10 pounds I lost by cutting out sugar and call it good enough. 

I still eat some of the wrong foods at times, but hey, we all crave variety now and then. Normally, I prefer healthy stuff over junk, but eating the same few things every day gets old. I can’t branch out too much, though, because I have to watch things like cholesterol, sodium, and even foods that affect thyroid health or nasal polyps. It looks like one of the reasons my nose is acting up again isn’t just because of the alcohol I had (I finished it and won’t be getting more for a while), but also the Vienna sausages I got. I wanted a snack for when I needed more than just a quick bite but didn’t want a whole meal. But processed meats, along with things like sugar, dairy, and some other foods, are on the no-no list for polyps because they cause swelling and inflammation. For my latest Walmart order, I tried to pick a good variety of healthy and anti-inflammatory foods. 

As tired as I am, it’s too soon to sleep, so I guess I’ll go see if my chat buddy is around.

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

12.23.24 Monday ---Prayer Vow for nana as early as 7am...

6:21 am

Still,have windblow...

Waiting for 7am and waiting for my alarm here in my phone at 6:30 am, just wanna know if it will ring... Thank God,angels awaken me few minutes ago...

6:34 am

Still,have windblow...

Back to normal, my phone alarm as well as my actual alarm clock... Good thing this am!

I hope I can have a new phone, oh! Please Santa hear me... Drinking my first cup of coffee today.

6:57 am

Still,have windblow...

3 minutes to go before 7am... For prayer vow for nana...

8:48 am

Still,have windblow...

I wish and I want a burnt "cheese cake" but it is expensive in SM....Whew! I still considered myself, broke. I wanna go to L.A. with my cousin white and get some perfection on my nose, in time...My plans are all over-lapping...

9:28 am

Still,have windblow...

Still,waiting for the pillow for nana,coz Uncle Jun texted me... He thought I will go there today, still waiting for nana's butt pillow. She can't go here in the house if she is still on NGT... I will bring her bedsore pillow from my allowance given by Uncle Jun sent by Aunt Teresa to them...

I told Uncle Jun to take it seriously the possible bedsore...

9:58 am

Still,have windblow...

This is a bit hellish after 2 trials,finally I got this polygel! My very first art on polygel!!!

10:27 am

Still,have windblow...

Very army... Very classic... No sickness this New Year... Every new year,John was always sick... I hope this New Year we kick the negative force...

Iove you baby-John...

11:31 am

Still,have windblow...

I'm stress doing this polygel plus some items in Lazadah stress me so much...

11:38 am

Still,have windblow...

In times having long nails you need to use the hands of your bf to wash your vagina,after peeing....Hahah...

3:50 pm

Still,have windblow...

I don't know,why I do this...Hmm.....There are fake nails that I can put in an instant... Hmm... Probably, I wanna have some challenge. Not easy to do on your own... It is hellish and you need time and patience...

This is good in a salon.... It is like real nails,amazing but diy is hellish...

Not yet well-polished... It is like amalgam on teeth....

5:58 pm

Still,have windblow...

Finally, I made it though not yet perfect but it is not obvious that it is not perfect yet...

This is the first time I use a polygel... I somehow got the technique when angels gave me some idea just to over-flow it the polygel then put the nails plastics molder. I just figured it out late... My mistake at first I tried molding coz there are some parts that are crack, it is my first time today...

It is like your true nails, amazing coz it looks real and feels real as well...

Once you master this polygel,I think this is cool! I put a repetitive layer coz of some cracks so it is not good...

So, it is not right to put the polygel on the nail molder coz I tried but it wasn't effective to me. For me the best is to put the polygel directly on the nail just over flow it like angels told me and remove the excess on the sides...

6:21 pm

Still,have windblow...

You see women on youtube when they show stuff and tap their nails, I think they are bragging their fake but looks real polygel nail that if ever they made it on their own, they are able to harden their nails...

Ohkay pukez ( vaginaz) ! I'm gonna unzip it....Why, not get a surgery and it feels natural as it is.... Get a boobs or enhance your nose or be pretty and nice... Just be nice and do whatever!

10:08 pm

Still,have windblow...

My brown fur pouch is missing? I think I left it there in the living room, angels...

10:46 pm

Still,have windblow...

I don't like those kind of people... I'm not comfortable leaving stuff with my family here... I will always feel paranoid.

I really love my nana....I want her to live more, seriously... But with other family members I'm not comfortable, if these character will continue.

It stress me so much... I don't wanna be Ma. Clarissa Manotoc Marcos it is just a stress in life...

I wanna be in Araneta's group as Wapiti Araneta, I want a peaceful and high character or high life if I can...

This is just a membership here in the Philippines society...

Call me Wappy, angels... I really like stuff and I have the right to have stuff and gain new friends who are having sanity...

I feel self-pity on stuff and hating it if someone is getting my stuff...

It stresses me so much if someone is taking my stuff without asking permission.

Again, even that simple brown,fur pouch they don't know there is a sentimental value on that like the missing cup here few weeks ago...

[thedancemostofall]

ann friedman on 75 nice things to do for yourself

75 NICE THINGS TO DO FOR YOURSELF

Stop looking at your phone first thing in the morning. Just stare around your room for a few minutes first.

Get up an hour early and let yourself watch bad TV while you eat a hot breakfast and leisurely get dressed. 

Eat an edible + 60 min reflexology session.

Stick to exercise that you enjoy and let go of the stuff that feels like a chore.

Prioritize consistency over intensity in exercise.

Get a nice haircut!!

Keep dumplings in the freezer.

Take fart walks.

Get an ergonomic desk setup for work. Doesn’t have to be fancy, just adjust until everything is actually at the correct height for your body!

Grant yourself permission to wear clothes that aren't "flattering." You don't owe anyone a particular body shape or size. 

Let yourself cry. 

Do a small creative project on your lunch break. 

Practice the mantra “I’m still learning.”

If you notice yourself judging, reframe it as a neutral statement. "That woman is wearing a cop-top", or "that guy is eating a donut.”

Put yourself in time-out when you’re feeling irritable. Rather than push through, cancel your plans, sit quietly, and feel better.

Set an alarm every 30 minutes while you work to make sure you take plenty of breaks and breaths.

Allow 10-15 minutes of movement to “count.” Little movements more often.

Take a day of PTO every month to do nothing.

Quit things you don't want to do. Not just saying no beforehand, like actually stopping mid-activity if you aren't enjoying it. 

Share positive things you think about other people.

Take quiet weeks after social weeks. 

Delete TikTok and Instagram.

When you have a work trip, go a day early and stay in a hotel alone.

Reintroduce things you loved when you were younger (swimming, singing, tennis, drawing).

Masturbate, the ultimate form of self care.

Put "outside days" on the calendar months in advance and then follow through.

Change to a more gender-affirming shower gel scent.

Stare out the window and do nothing for a moment.

Make a list of fun, normal, and hard things you hope to do in a week (sorted by category) and pick a few from each category every day to accomplish. 

Don’t hold your pee for anyone! Go when you need to go.

Buy new underwear more often.

Refill your prescriptions automatically.

Get a backpack you don't hate. 

Go analog regularly—write by hand, listen to vinyl, etc.

Take a breath before reacting.

Smile whenever you see yourself in the mirror.

Ask a friend to do a hard thing with you.

Use mouthwash. Your gums will be THRILLED. 

Get a weekly babysitter.

Schedule time with friends and stick to it. 

Use ChatGPT to help you compose emails and texts when you need to address conflict but feel scared about hurting people’s feelings! Helps deal with conflict rather than avoid it.

Switch to NA beers/drinks on the weekdays.

Do not apologize for things that aren’t actually your fault. 

Light candles. Amazing how helpful it can be to stay grounded when activating your sense of smell. 

Get to sink zero (aka no dirty dishes) every work night.

Tell someone about a thing that’s difficult for you.

Switch doctors if yours is making you feel bad.

Schedule a “life admin date” with yourself to pay bills, make appointments, respond to tough emails.

Let yourself say, “I don’t know.” Give yourself more time to think, more time to be unsure, more time in general.

Leave the party when you’re ready.

Stop weighing yourself.

Soak in hot water (Korean spas, hot springs, baths, etc).

Roll your glutes. 

Try needlepoint or knitting to watch TV without simultaneously scrolling on your phone.

Spend more time with your friends without drinking.

Buy multiple pairs of glasses. Wearing glasses every day inevitably irritates the nose, ears, eyes. Having different pairs to rotate makes such a difference. 

Reframe household chores as messages to yourself that your comfort is worth the effort.

Set a timer to clean up and STOP when the timer stops.

Write out what three things matter most to you right now.

Stop giving 110% at work and dial it down to 80%. Honestly no one will even know.

Acknowledge when everything feels like too much and take a day to reset if you can. 

Stop reading the news like it’s your job.

Embrace slutting.

Add pumps to everything in the shower.

Keep your warmest blanket nicely folded in the living room so it's always right there when you need it.

Almost always have music on in your house.

Practice self-compassion by telling yourself "I'm a good person having a hard time."

Let yourself eat frozen/instant/fast food when you’re busy and tired, even though it doesn't fit the aesthetic of what we've been told is a successful life. Always keep a supply of Cool Ranch Doritos on hand.

Do the 5-minute tasks the moment you think of them, don’t put them off.

Sleep in a separate bedroom from your partner if you want to.

Try a magnesium sleep cocktail at night.

Give yourself a little facial massage.

Plug in your phone outside the bedroom. Only read fiction after 8pm.

Remind yourself to “start with half.” Applies to so many things.

Stop trying to find a perfect self-care routine and just try to do something every day to make yourself and the world more loving.

This list made me feel such tenderness for all of you!! I didn’t include a lot of your submissions that actually felt huge to me (quitting a job, committing to therapy, getting sober, taking a sabbatical, major health breakthroughs) because I was trying to stay true to the “little things” framing of the question. But, as one of you wrote, “Respectfully, in my recent experience none of it is small.”

[nathank77]

8/14/24

11:41 a.m

My tsh is low. And my t3 and t4 are normal. That means subclinical hyperthyroidism. I'm not noticing symptoms minus the slight increase in my heart rate and worsening insomnia.

I called my Dr and left a message. Idk If I should be increasing Methimazole or just leaving my dose as is and seeing what happens, although it would explain my slight increase in heart rate and difficulty falling asleep without weed added in to my normal dose of xanax.

It would also explain why sleep hasn't been easy for me. Insomnia is a symptom of hyperthyroidism.... I smoked last night before the Xanax. I passed out. I prob got 6 or 6 1/2 hours of sleep bc I woke up needing to pee twice. The first time at 4:30 am. I took Melatonin 3mg and took an additional 3 hits. I passed back out within a hour.... per my tv sleep timer. When I woke back up at 6:50 a.m I didn't feel comfortable taking more Melatonin bc it was so close to my waking hour of 8 a.m (I don't chose to wake up at 7 a.m anymore if I can get 9 hours I take it.)

I also didn't feel comfortable smoking pot bc it was so close my waking hour, that regardless of if I fell asleep or not, I didn't want to wake up and be high or be high and awake bc of the slight increase in hallucinations....

I didn't fall back to sleep. I laid there with my eyes closed until 7:50 and got up cause what the fuck ever. I'll never microsleep as long as I hit rem sleep every night. 6 to 6 1/2 hours is better than nothing.

I'm awaiting hearing back from my doctor. I won't celebrate any weight loss if I have any that is. And now i have an answer for why weed or a higher dose of xanax has been required to hit sleep stage 1. I haven't taken a higher dose of xanax the last two night. Taking 4 hits at 9 p.m and taking xanax around 9:30 has adequately knocked me out within 30-45 minutes. Sometimes I think 15 minutes but idk that's the issue with microsleep, you lay there for hours with your eyes closed and once you start sleeping again, closing your eyes for 5 minutes feels like a lifetime.....

So to not raise my tolerance I will continue to smoke weed before bedtime and risk my hallucination worsening. Although I don't think it will bc when I smoked daily during the worst of it, I did start to slowly recover.

I mean it is what it is but I wish my tsh would go to normal. Sleep comes easier and then I wouldn't need weed with xanax. I always have anxiety from the weed but I fall asleep fast.

I don't like weed like I used to it makes me anxious but I fall asleep quickly. So whatever. I hope I don't have to increase Methimazole bc I'll go Hypo no doubt with my t3 and t4 levels. I'll see what the Dr says. Unfortunately I'm a long way from remission.

Also I've been thinking about Kristen a lot. If you're here and sometimes I think you are, do you know what I want more than your license? I want a sincere apology. I want you to look me deep in the eyes and prove that the good person I saw behind those eyes actually exists. I want the most sincere genuine apology you're capable of more than I want to strip you of your license. I only want your license bc you didn't show an ounce of sympathy.