#Interact more with new and different cultures she probably going to find something of her home in them

[moonilit]

sometimes reading Kory’s talk about love and how her culture normalizes poly relationships and love is separate from marriage as in yeah sometimes you marry for politics but doesn’t mean you ‘love’ that other person or they you and thats OK is so weird because, you don’t even need to go to space for that?? Its already somewhere on earth??

[cartoon-cass]

Comprehensive breakdown of MURDER DRONES - Episode 7: Mass Destruction

I saw a breakdown of this episode on youtube and it was just clearly rushed so I want to do this episode justice so here's my comprehensive breakdown.

New intro, look at them! They look so happy, that is not the case in the episode, to say the least. With how much rubber hosing this animation has I would not be surprised if this was done by Kevin Temmer Tunes with what he learned from amazing digital circus Edit: N was animated by Micah Preciado and Uzi by Zachary Preciado

Bad day to accidentally grab the wrong uniform, I do wonder where the actual Dr.Chambers was in all this. Wonder if it would have made a difference... probably not.

Not actually important but having the shadows of the claws that aren't actually there be the thing to interact with the world is fucking cool as hell. This whole scene is a cool twist on an exorcism with robots and science.

Like look at this, it's a pentagram magnet, a normal pentagram from my basic pop culture understanding it's meant to not only summon a demon but also keep them from leaving the circle. A strong magnet is so smart for this case as it's used to keep Nori in place, I mean it doesn't end up working in the end but it's the thought that counts.

It took my second watch of this episode to realize why the lights got turned on, it revealed the tentacles and claws but it's sun light, the same stuff that burns the Disassembly Drones and Uzi. It even has the same effect as in the end of Episode 4

Can I just say how extra it is making the USB a crucifix, I love it. Also I just notice that on the end of the crucifix the detailing is actually in the shape of a USB symbol, the details in this show is amazing, you can see all the love that went in to it.

This is probably the most terrifying way to hold these robots. I couldn't blame any of the robots for wanting to kill the human good god. Also Yeva playing Tetris, the game has a lot of ties to Russia so wonder if she spoke Russian too, she doesn't speak in this episode and not sure if we'll get more flashback with her so not sure if we will ever find out.

Not sure why Mitchell stop Yeva from entering the church but I like to think he thought Yeva was like a kid, look at him holding her hand in the scene before, and was trying to keep her save and knew something was off. That being said I'd love to hear what you think is his reasoning, sound off in the comments/reblogs.

Pulling back we can see Nori, specifically her core, looking at a crucifix comparing it to the USB crucifix in the video to see if it's the one with the patch, it's not, so she goes out for the hunt to see if she can find it.

Like daughter, like mother, honestly cool little details that lets us know what kind of character Nori is with the very little time we have with her. Drawing made presumably by her of herself as a human cat girl, twice, motor oil cans everywhere, a fricking ninja star, nightcore music, a anime statue that might be a reference to something but I have no clue, also magnets which have been used in the passed like drugs so that's um... something.

was originally just going to point out the funny little animation errors in this scene, as the paper goes through the Ipod and the crinkled paper is mirrored but then I wanted to check what was on the paper and...

It's a missing poster of all things? it uses the exact posters used in episode 3 it's probably just reusing assets but I thought it was a cool thing to point out.

Uzi bleeds blood in these scenes and it's not necessarily mentioned out loud, clearly something AS related, but there might be more to it, or it just looks cool.

This man is in some serious denial, but credit where credit is due, when "Tessa" tells N to stop he turns around, and when Uzi apologized for not being able to help he immediately apologized for Snapping at her. Also look at Tessa's little pointing, thought it was funny.

N: "We're not going to hurt you."

I can't blame Uzi for taking this the wrong way, he's clearly telling Tessa off but all Uzi hears is "hurt you", hence why she only parrots that part.

Thad: "Aaand you won't tell me why we're wandering around 'cause...?" Lizzy: "I'm a good friend, and secrets are blackmail. And it's not about football." Thad: "Okay. Does your secret friend want to know about football, or...?"

Anyone else wondering who Lizzy's good friend is? The only 2 characters we know are good friends with Lizzy are Doll and V. It's possible that through everything Doll sent a text to Lizzy asking her to do something but I feel like V just makes more sense. This does assume V made her way away from the sentinels, if I had to guess she's just a core at the moment which might be why she couldn't do it herself, no wings nor weapons as a core, also makes the blackmail line make more sense.

N: "I deserve this. I deserve this. I deserve this."

Baby girl NO! no you don't, your too hard on your self

That scream. That cut. *chef's kiss* perfect.

This scene just shows us why Uzi went towards the church. Also note when she's the most stressed her eye turns yellow so it does seem stress is the deciding factor whether she can be possessed.

V/AS: You know, you're one of the main reasons... [voice glitching] ...I wanted your team to retain your personalities.

This quote I think has some interesting implications, I mean it obviously confirms that the DD squad was influence by AS but it might also be why it keeps a bit of the personality of which ever host it's using.

This scene holy shit, the music, the lighting, the sound design and animation, that's how you do horror! You don't even need detailed gore, in fact most of it is just off screen. like look at the DD's off in the distance one catches the pilot of the helicopter mid air then they fight over it like hungry animals.

Ok so I hit the image limit and it's almost 1 in the morning so I'm gonna go to bed and continue this tomorrow

~to be continued~

[thingsidrawgohere]

I just finished my first run of DA4 and let me say- I probably got my money's worth. If one wants to view the experience via a purely mercantile lens. I found many bits of cheese and touched the insides of many angry creatures. But if one wishes to frame the thing as Art- Hell, if one wants to solely discuss it as the Fourth in a series of lore-dense, narrative RPGs, then, Cousin, We've Got Problems. Three interconnected niggling ideas that kinda all lead to the conclusion- for me, at least- that modern design practices simply do not trust the player. News flash, right?

Anyways, I think I'm going to have some thoughts on this subject to avoid other thoughts, thank you.

Full-Throated Spoilers Beyond. And a lot of them. It's long.

Idea 1: DA2 is my favorite of the series. That's not the problem; it's the setup. I know what I'm about and it's interesting characters interacting over time. Flawed characters. Abrasive, opinionated, STUPID ASS ANDERS characters. The story was scaled well for a handful of total losers and it was political. The most humanly political of all the games, I think. That's a very low bar, particularly for AAA, but it felt better to stand in a street, to be personally effected by events, than to look at a literal map of icons and notes and distant decisions as in DA3. It's important, I think, for DA to be about Being, Getting Dirty. You aren't a king. You shouldn't be.

Side Note 1: DA2 is a fucking miracle. The old gag that FO New Vegas, blessed be, was made in 18 months is trotted out to display Can-Do Attitude and DEEPLY unethical labor practices. DA2 got less time, fewer reusable assets (due to a different art style), and had to rebuild most of the engine. A. Miracle.

DA4, on the other hand, has a series of supportive, well-adapted people who have all worked very hard on themselves in therapy and know all the fucking right words to say. They chat with one another with kindness and sober fondness. In the One Instance of interpersonal friction, it is resolved with grace and speed. I find this Horrid. They fucking forgot to give these people negative traits. It's likability slurry. They experience no hard growth, hold no horseshit ideas, suffer no lingering doubts. It's not only unnatural but it's lifeless. It becomes Written. I can see the fucking author waving at me. I've got a note from my run that reads 'Rook told the man who is forcibly living inside his head "Thank you sharing that" and I want to scream.'

And that would be bad enough except the ideas are there. You've got a reluctant father story. Someone trapped between two cultures. A older man, already terrified of aging, of death, taking a Much Younger lover. That's Fucking Meat. I can see the writers straining against something but what they deliver is still person-shaped missed opportunities that repeat, that repeat, that repeat. It's So Frustrating. There's flashes of Good Writing. Of good character beats. But Also- from my notes, a character had just held her brother as he died, inexplicably for a second time, and Rook gives her a little pep talk that ends with him asking "You good?"

And the fucking woman says "I'm good" in response. She seemed to mean it.

How does one- react to that as a viewer? I told a man who wanted to be a lich more than anything to Not and he was cool with it. He never brought up being a lich again. He wasn't even upset. I let a man's city die and he's like I Get It, Bro. No Harsh Vibes. It rings hollow.

Talking over Solas' memories, collectively pulling out the meaning behind them- that was some of the best characters-interacting writing in the whole thing. And it's HOURS into the game. A shame.

Side Note 2: A lot of a loved-one death as motivation in this old refrigerator. If you get a name and one line, Oh Boy Brother, you are prolly gonna die bad. Lazy.

If I'm going to talk about Emmrich, let's talk about his romance. I honestly thought it was bugged. I Am playing through another run as a comparative but Wow. Larian and BG3 absolutely reconfigured what's acceptable in these types of story beats. This particular romance felt regressive, in a sense. Like a last minute addition. The very definition of love coins. No charisma or honest affection between the characters. Nothing allowed to percolate (more on that in a second). Just- now you are ROMANCED. Which means on the Blue Moon instance he has anything to say regarding being in a relationship, the best you can get is a 'dearest' at the end of a sentence. I was Excited by the idea of Emmrich really struggling with a May/December situation but he Doesn't. He has a few lines implying that he Could but it leads nowhere.

And they fuck in a coffin (???) and it's not even hot (!!!). Unforgivable. Double Unforgivable. I heard there was spice in this game? This is baking soda.

Related, a few lines awkwardly dodged the question of Emmrich's previous relationships and I have an inkling, without experiencing the other romances, that this is the world's largest case of gun-shy after the backlash with DA3's non-playersexual romances. This man can not be confirmed to be Anything but Into Rook, whatever they might be. There was also a throwaway line with Taash how she prefers women and that's as much as I saw of explicit preferences. I don't envy anyone trying to address the rabidity of fandom but it feels like unnecessary acrobatics.

Side Oh No: It's so bad that I'm honestly thinking of doing a fixit fic regarding the romance/character writing. And God, I can't right now. I have to finish my other project first.

Idea 2: The pacing. That's what ruins so much. There was a scene of a gnarled, fucked-up gate, torn from its hinges. And my guy says "Something Big must have torn apart that gate" all ominous, building a sense of- Nope. The very big darkspawn is standing ten feet away on the other side. I hadn't even swung the camera around the hall to see it before my guy goes "That big darkspawn must have torn apart the gate!"

Yes, I know there's an issue in open world games these days wherein devs are allergic to a player's millisecond of not knowing where to go but this feels applicable across the whole game. A problem isn't allowed to fester. It is brought to attention and then swiftly dealt with. If there's a locked door, a difficult decision, a feeling beyond Protestant determination, it will be dealt with, Post Fucking Haste. It's like the game doesn't trust the player to hold tension.

This happens not just in barks or small set pieces. Whole arcs work this way. Like Harding's longterm personal quest. She gets a handful of lines about feeling vaguely angry or perhaps thinking she Should be More angry about Lore Dump Retcon and then at her culmination, she's fighting her own anger. A vicious, hot, searing thing- and it wasn't earned. At all. There was room to telegraph this theme, bury it in the dirt to let grow roots. They didn't. One Line was given about her people pleasing tendencies And she's not really shown to be people pleasing to her own detriment. This is Chekhov's Gun in running shoes. It doesn't work. It feels like it comes out of left field.

Hell, there was a mission that was like SURVIVE IF YOU CAN and it was like- literally a long hallway. The Pacing is all Off.

Idea 3: I don't like that I must do this but DA4 doesn't understand its own flavor. The One Thing you Cannot Do is have Minrathous, the city of slaves and blood mages, seem nice. Particularly in the poor parts of town. You Cannot have the Crows be a lovely dovey band of scamps. You Cannot have the Blight be reversible. You Cannot CANNOT say "elves have it pretty good" as my Elvish Rook said with his face flaps. No. NO. You Cannot side-step the politics of this setting. These are the bones on which these characters are hung. To lessen the world is to lessen, to decomplexify them.

You know what my elf didn't hear in the town that canonically trades in bodies that look his? Knife ear. Eh to fantasy slurs but my point is no one said a cross word to my guy. The Qunari living in the town that had been warring with the Qunari for Centuries seemed totes fine. There were no alienages. There were no proper templars- even from other regions. No Mage Circles. No mage issues at all. Hardly anything whatsoever regarding the Chantry or Andrastianism, even as the game takes place in the Super Anti-Pope town. I had a literal demon-possessed man in my party and the world did not react.

I had a friend describe this Thedas as feeling smoothed out and Yeah. It feels like all the nasty bumps have been deemed undesirable. I don't know what to make of it. Is this simply taking the world in a different direction? Is it a mandate to tone down the unpleasantness, for sales? A shift in design ethos? Is this a sign of a very troubled project as it was with Andromeda?

I don't know. Is this still a Dragon Age game without its politics? There's enough here for me to wonder if Bioware is even Bioware anymore. There's a TREMENDOUS amount of work, of skill in DA4. Just Absurd. The environments are thick, Thicc. But work alone is not a virtue. Have we ship of Theseus'd so far that the people- the real people, not the logos- who have interests aligned with what made DA1 special are no longer there? Something went wrong with this project, narratively. Something I don't know how to fix without addressing basement level assumptions I'm clearly not privy to. I hope they can.

Final Thoughts: Game development is a fucking hole into which one pours one's relationships, time, and health, physical, mental both. It gives satisfaction very rarely. They shipped. In that way, huge success. It's not even, fundamentally, a 'bad game'. But it is a victim of a modern philosophy of pre-chewed ideas and player distrust. VGs are ultimately a business and, in these last few years, there's been a unimaginable devastation to the workers in the industry- even as the money flows ever upward. The desire to sell well has morphed into a NEED to sell well, even among the 'kept' studios. Big studios, Grand Dame Studios sitting on top of past critical and financial successes, been killed by their overlords recently. No one is safe. It's suddenly quite dangerous for large studios to make anything remotely niche, remotely unclear and Bioware has both Andromeda And Anthem under its belt. They're probably feeling the pinch. They needed a hit and hits, these days, are increasingly smooth. And DA4 is very smooth.

That's just my feeling on the matter. I'll see what a second run yields.

Smaller thoughts:

I don't care about the combat but that was- odd. The illusion of depth with all the skill trees and types of damage and subsystems of attack- all boiling down to a one button push. It's odd. I played rogue on PC so perhaps it's different for other classes, on console. But I pressed the button at the man and when I got a halo, I pressed another button and then pressed the first button again. No matter where I was on the skill tree, it never changed, never felt different. I don't know. It felt. Odd?

There was a Honest To God "It's quiet- Too quiet" and it just Happened. I would have pulled out every one of my teeth to avoid that. I get the jokey-okey but fuck, man.

Where's the chest hair? WHERE? Body hair? ANYTHING? Davrin has plastic chest. It's freaky.

Gloom Howler Gloom Howler Gloom Howler. Frankly, that whole storyline had a large gulg of the farcical. I laughed my ass entirely off when, upon her defeat, the Gloom Howler said "I'm sorry" and took a nap so hard that the scene wiped to 'some time later'. That was insane editing. PACING. And- naming. Gloom Howler. Gloom. Howler.

Teeth. Dear God, the teeth.

The devs were in a real pickle here, no doubt. My great sympathies. There's an Overwhelming abundance of world states that DA3 could have left on the board and I understand the balancing act between acknowledging the events of older games and staying generic enough DA4 could apply to All of them. Is Cassandra the White Divine? Or is Leliana? It's a nightmare of choices. Any of the people that Could be Divine can not be mentioned without lore issues. Who's on the throne in Orlais? Ferelden? Where's beloved so-and-so? Dorian canonically did return to Minrathous so he can 'safely' appear in game- but he fucking can't talk about Iron Bull, who may or may not be alive. Isabela canonically goes back to piracy but she can't talk about events in Kirkwall because she may not have been there for them. Oof. That's not a lot you are Allowed to acknowledge. The Poor Bastards.

Watched a braid slip off a person's shoulder, organically, as they were talking. Started at the bottom and look where we're at, technologically. And speaking on the technical, a lot of textures didn't load right. For the entire game, my guy's left shoulder armour thing had a much lower rez texture than the rest. Three hard crashes, which isn't the worst. One Wonderful mission wherein Lucanis' hair and his knives were the only bits of him to render.

I'm not touching the non-binary storyline. It was clunky, for sure, but the greatest sin was using Our words. There is canonical words for NGC/NB people in fiction and to not use them shows a fundamental distrust towards the source material and the players both. It's the linguistic version of the quest marker or the barks telling you where to go.

I still don't know how I feel about the dead Varric twist. Feels goofball but he got to hang out in his little pajamas. I wish I was in little pajamas.

Solas was pretty fucking tight but I think a lot of that was due to his VA. Something about the voice direction, in general, felt- flat? But old Solas was doing it good.

Ending. God, I get it. People are tired and satisfying endings are hard. And DLC exists, more cynically. But Hells Bells, I'm getting to the point wherein even the slideshow is annoying. Give me a fucking Ending to the Choice Game. Don't you fucking 'Spider-Man Will Return' at me, you bastard. I'm a child of fucking god.

Yes, I got the secret ending. I know. That was Also bullshit.

I feel better getting that all out of my system. Thank you for sharing that.

[cethlyarlo]

Shin's Belt

I really rather like that the symbol on Shin's belt is that of the alchemical symbol for chaos. Let me tell you why:

Chaos represents the concept of everything doing everything all at once; existing together, in tangent, or not at all. It represents all paths and what lies beyond what was made to believe is set in stone. The definition of chaos is not particularly the opposite of order in this circumstance, but it can be used that way.

More clearly, chaos provides an opening for new beginnings; to disrupt what is stagnant or what doesn't feel right to present alternative pathways. Chaos is needed to undo pressures, expectations, norms, etc. so that an individual can learn to be themselves; to grow and change as needed.

It's very much not the evil or negative symbol pop culture and Hollywood would have you believe. I've even seen it used to refer to Satanists, which is very much not true. Dark practitioners can and do use this symbol, but this symbol does not represent them. They don't own it nor can they control it/assume authority over it. It's not exclusive to one group either: anyone can utilize it however they see fit and like with most things, that could go in any direction. We will be focusing on the balance between the negative and positive aspects of chaos here in this write up.

That being said, on to why this symbol is important for Shin's character arc:

Firstly, Shin is devout and loyal to Baylan; her Master and depending on how you look at it, potential father figure. He's everything she's ever known and his own views, teachings, and opinions have been pressed on her since she was young. There's nothing particularly wrong with that, seeing as that's usually how parenting/teaching goes, but it isn't allowing her to see beyond that. The box is small and she finds herself unable to think outside of it due to her loyalty to him.

When Baylan begins to refuse to tell her crucial details about his plans and goals, she begins to question him and her idea of him. This is the beginning of chaos' disruption over her life and as the show progresses, this disruption continues to grow. It's a butterfly effect, if you will; the seeds of disarray have been planted and they have the potential to grow into something exponential.

She comes into contact with Sabine Wren, who has lived a very different form of life compared to her own and I believe the simple interactions between them helps to spur the questions she suddenly has about her life in general. There are things and people that can and do live outside of the box in her mind and while she's probably aware of this, she hadn't truly understood what that meant until this point. With her master's increased elusiveness and the lack of answers, plus the eye-opening revelations that witnessing bits and pieces of Sabine and Ahsoka's relationship (I.e Seatos), the seeds of distrust and further questions begin to take root and sprout. Her mind is opening to other things; the walls of the box are beginning to crumble.

By the time they're on Peridea, Baylan's motives are entirely unclear and somewhat unpredictable to her. She's confused by him and what he wants. Chaos is taking greater hold of her now; her life is changing so quickly and in directions she can't forsee like the arrows of the symbol that gesture to all directions simultaneously. The seeds begin to uncontrollably grow into trees regardless of her attempts to reconnect with him.

Then he abandons her.

Without a word on where he went, Shin's found herself alone. The walls of her box have been destroyed, the wound made worse by Ahsoka's offer to help. Chaos has upended her normalcy, her comforts, her mental and emotional stabilizers, her trust, her view of self; her life. What began as seeds have rapidly grown into a sprawling forest and now she has to deal with the wreckage.

The change is for good though. With Sabine and Ahsoka stranded with her, she has the opportunity to step into her own person. She now has the opportunity to find herself; to make her own decisions, to spend some time with other people like her. She has the ability to learn and grow free of her box and the restrictions that had been pressed on her since joining Baylan, however long ago that happened to be.

Shin gets to be her own person now, and she can do whatever she wants with that :)

Edit: I realized I forgot to mention the little dots within the wheel!

Symmetrical to the Norse story of Hati and Skoll [who were sons of Fenrir (and Fenrir is the son of trickster God Loki and Jötunn giantess Angrboða)], the wheel of chaos on Shin's belt sports two little dots which I believe represent the sun and moon [and thus the wolves that chase them; Skoll (the one who mocks) and Hati (the one who hates) respectively]. As it goes, the celestial bodies rise in the East (right quadrant on the belt) and set in the West (left quadrant on the belt). The little dots are doing just that. The dot on right I believe represents the moon, or Shin, and that the dot on the left represents Baylan. The moon is rising and the sun is setting, showing that Baylan's time in her life is ending and her own time is just beginning.

Either way, it's a very hopeful symbol in my opinion :)

[thatpodcastkid]

Magnus Archives Relisten 19, MAG 19 Confession

The Magnus Archives reinforces my stance that religion-based horror is the genre's peak.

Yes I was raised Catholic why do you ask

Spoilers ahead!

Facts: Statement of Father Edwin Burroughs regarding his "possession." Statement given May 30th, 2011.

Statement Notes: My biggest question is how the institute got this statement. Burroughs says it was probably difficult to arrange and is grateful for the chance to give the statement, so it implies that he sought out the institute. If so, how did he find out about them? It's also possible that the institute sought out a statement from Burroughs, but why? Gertrude would likely understand his importance or at least would have attempted to follow up on the Hilltop Road Case, so it's likely if Burroughs did not actively seek out the institute, she found him.

The idea that Father Burroughs would reach out to give a statement is really great to me, though. He's coming from a culture that stresses the need to admit every transgression in order to remain perfectly morally pure. In giving his statement, Burroughs is seeking absolution. It's literally titled "Confession."

Though likely unintentional, Jon reading this statement furthers the idea that, at least in the world to come, he is the closest thing the TMA universe has to God. By Season 5, he is omniscient, all powerful, and simultaneously merciful and punishing. He takes Burroughs confession, judges it, and then moves on. Burroughs is haunted his entire life, but Jon--the absent God--hears hundreds of people's confessions and doesn't do anything. He just watches.

Continuing with the idea of religious horror as an extension or offshoot of eldritch horror, this episode utilizes fear of the sin inside oneself really well. In my experience, the fear of going to Hell or being punished for one's sins is lesser in Catholic circles than the fear of being a sinner. The idea that something inside of you is inherently wrong or evil is a common one across religions, so it makes sense that to destroy Burroughs mind and bring his worst fear to life, the entities would make him believe there is a demon inside of him. The evil isn't attacking him, but is a part of him. His worst fear is himself.

The demon attempting to "steal" Burroughs faith is really terrifying. The implication that something so immutable and intangible cannot only be taken away, but can be used by another being. The demon isn't destroying Burroughs faith, but keeping for itself.

What I find really interesting is how different the things Burroughs describes in this statement are from the second part of his statement. The pace really picks up between MAG 19 and MAG 20, in addition to the subject shifting. Burroughs changes from an observer of other people's torture to experiencing his own. This change really amped up my anxiety as I went from 19 to 20.

Entity Alignment: Anything Hill Top Road related is immediately a mixed bag of nightmares. Being a demonic possession episode and the "mentis" writing on the wall, the Spiral comes to mind. Bethany's degrading mental health after moving into her new home does align with the environmental triggers that usually accompany a Spiral episode. Additionally, Bethany and Burroughs both lose control of their minds and bodies, in line with the Spiral.

The eventual cannibalism does implicate the Flesh, however. I wonder how often the Flesh interacts with a religion that literally consumes the body and blood of its lord. (Side note, but "We'll get to the cannibalism," is now up there with "I feel like I should be upfront with this, I'm probably a cannibal," as my favorite lines a character says within the first 10 seconds of a statement.)

Hill Top Road does implicate at least some connection to the Desolation. But either way, in MAG 20, many more entities come into play as Burrough possession and hallucinations develop. Read my next blog for some thought on that if you would like.

Character Notes: Sarcastic Jon re-enters the arena with a steal chair!

"When it is found by myself, or given the state of the Archive's mismanagement, by my successor when I pass away from old age."

Oh sweetie, you think you're going to get an old age? That's adorable

[otherentrance]

if i had a nickel for every time david tennant played a space alien who quoted a line from shakespeare to shakespeare and then the poet himself went "i might use that" i dont even know how many nickels id have. probably not a lot but its weird that it happened more than once

ahem

so doctor who s3e2 am i right. The Shakespeare Code

the most unrealistic thing about this episode full of witchcraft and bullshitting people is that shakespeare did the whole "now get out- *sees someone pretty* oh, ok, nvm sit down" but it was about martha and not david tennant. do i need to start shipping the doctor with literal shakespeare out of spite??

so martha and ten sit to chat with The Poet, right, and martha starts doing that thing where she tries to talk using words that pop culture associates with the time just for ten to turn to her and go "no, no, dont do that". rose tyler in the opening of Tooth and Claw is that you?

speaking of rose! "psychic paper, um, ..long story. oh i hate starting from scratch" right so martha doesnt understand the psychic paper because she's new. and i love ten's line here! "i hate starting from scratch"

its funny, because we know how much ten misses rose. we know how much emotional baggage comes with finding a new companion. yet we forget just how long the doctor has been doing this

i havent seen the classic era of doctor who, and i doubt anyone on tumblr has either, but the doctor has, presumably, been loosing people for a long time

& i appreciate how theres a real sense of experience in ten's line here. ofc he doesnt honestly mean "i hate starting from scratch", its just that when you do something for long enough little annoyances about it can tire you. and ten is, among other things, very tired

(similarly, i do very much appreciate this interaction between The Poet and ten. "and you, sir doctor, how can a man so young have eyes so old?" "i do a lot of reading." "a trite reply, yeah? thats what i do." & then ten's got this look on his face! tired eyes, slight smile, like he's softening. recognizing something of himself in shakespeare of all people. god i love him so much)

i think its fascinating, too, how theres a sense of.. unimportance(?) to his new companions when theyre new. like over the years, the people the doctor has interacted with have become just that- people. sure the significance and uniqueness of certain people stick out, but eventually you start seeing just how similar we all are, innately

and theres certainly something to love in that sentiment, that people are at their core very similar, and the doctor certainly loves humanity. but he doesnt know martha well enough for her individuality to matter entirely: she's another chance at happiness, another opportunity, instead of a fully understood person, to him

isnt there something so human in that? isnt there something a little bit tiring about having to unveil yourself to every new person you want to know? isnt it just a little tempting to pretend youre different? to pretend all that emotional baggage, all that history, doesnt exist? they dont know you, they wont unless you tell them, so dont. this is how you outrun the past, by throwing yourself into the future

(completely unrelated but this episode is so funny about queer stuff in hindisght. "so those [actors on stage in 1599] are men dressed as women, right?" "london never changes" like excuse me??? are you trying to imply something sir???

that whole "there was only one bed" scene in which martha is almost flirting but ten just completely ignores it

& then ten is annoyed that martha and shakespeare are stopping to chat so we get: ten: "come on, we can all have a good flirt later!" the poet: "is that promise, doctor?" ten: "oh, 57 academics just punched the air" pardon??

the witch [villain of the week] being seductive to trick ten? "thats one form of magic that isnt gonna work on me"??? oh??? ace ten confirmed????

and then the episode finishes off with banishing the evil witches by shouting "expelliarmus!" and ten throwing in a "good old JK". like i know they didnt know she was an ass in 2007 but man this episode is a rollercoaster)

um. yeah. im normal about doctor who

[myloveforhergoeson]

hold on.... just thought of an online songs au where daisy put in the link to a performance by brand new day instead.... out of the three which would daisy be most enamored by and what would her dynamic with each of them be?

oh... oh wow.... my friend i love you and your big beautiful mind... this is such a cool little concept. a foray into original fiction LMAO

first, to share something slightly on topic, roxy exists in the os universe lmao. she's with james because i made her and i said so!!!!!! in this world, the thing with bnd still happened, so they're not together anymore, she moves schools and she's focusing on her own thing :)

so au of an au, daisy accidentally finds a brand new day video. right off the bat i think the music is entirely too much for her unfortunately; even though kendall sings pop punk music too, she's kind of micro-dosing with his acoustic versions. it's going to take some time for her to be like "oh wow, okay this is cool" because like all the music she listens to comes from her grandparents and church...

if she were to find herself interacting with roxy, mag, and dani i think her dynamic with each of them would be pretty different!

roxy and daisy would be friends, i like to think, but the two of them don't really have much in common. they both like to read, so that's a nice start. roxy doodles in her notebook sometimes and daisy loves to draw. but other than that... rox is super into pop culture and the latest happening and daisy lives in a completely different world. so i think their dynamic would mirror the one she and kendall will have in online songs when they first start seriously talking; just kind of showing her the ropes of tech and pop culture and whatnot. i don't think either of them would be romantically attracted to the other, but i do think secretly they'd each think the other was so cool and sweet and nice in their own special ways. daisy has traits roxy wishes she did and vice versa!

mag and daisy... look. i'm a sucker for good girl x bad boy. gotta be one of my fav tropes. but... bnd's music is still too much for dais right off the bat so i think that mag wouldn't really fuck with her after he learned that lol. his one goal in life is breaking the music industry and he's not really wasting time interacting with or talking to people that don't really slot into the future he's set up for himself. but i mean he wouldn't be dick to her or anything. i can see him like joking around with her about her lack of pop culture knowledge and telling her the crazy celebrity conspiracies he def believes in. maybe if they were older and mag mellowed out a bit more, he could find himself attracted to her if they had more in common. i don't see a world where daisy ever really finds herself attracted to him though.

dani and daisy is interesting to me... she'd probably find herself enamored with them more than the other two. there's still the music barrier i fear, but, dani comes from a pretty traditional and religious family like daisy does. i think that despite their religious upbringings being different, they could relate to each other on that front! i do think she'd find the drums more interesting to play than guitar just because it's so much more animated - so if she found a really good clip of dani drumming i could see her watching that a lot like she watched kendall's video :) i also imagine that of the three, dani is most chill. they're slightly more introverted than mag and roxy are so their energy level would also be way better for daisy to handle!! i think given time they could find themselves in a little something-something :p dani is pretty fond of nature too, just like daisy is too. they can have some sweet hikes all around minnesota and virginia

idk what do yall think? maybe i just don't like mag so much i'm not able to see his similarities to kendall lol. because, i mean, daisy is going to learn that kendall has a mean streak eventually so... hm. interesting!! tysm for this cross-over question i just ADORE IT <3

[palmtreesx3]

Act 2 - Exploration

Lubrication (Steve's Chapter)

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Summary: (9.3K) While Robin and Alex approach serious relationship territory, Steve still finds himself bubbling around the city solo. Steve is now spreading is wings, nonetheless, finding things (albeit tentatively) that he genuinely is enjoying for himself, not for others. We see Alex and Steve connect and start to build a relationship and loads of supportive friendship from the ladies towards their #1 guy. The antics in the shop are going full force and a memorable night comes from one charismatic customer interaction and more chance meetings with you encourage Steve to seal the deal. Seeing Steve start to loosen up is the name of this game. So slide in and enjoy this chapter of Get Off. 

Warnings: it's a sex shop and generally just NSFW so 18+. Sex paraphernalia, sexual innuendo aplenty, Drag Queen's and LGBTQ+ culture, failed dating, male masturbation, shop talk, porn watching, fluffy f/f affection and one-sided lust.

The sound of rubber hitting the pavement follows Steve along, while the sun is cresting along Lake Michigan and bouncing prisms off the skyscrapers along the lakeside trail. Sweat is trailing from the hairs on his neck, down the curve of his spine and the wind is whipping at his face. The last three weeks, Steve has taken up running in the early mornings. Something he used to do out of obligation but is now doing by choice. Stripping away the "expectation" of running for distance or speed or endurance and settling into the idea of running for the feeling, the self care.

 It's not that he's feeling self conscious, really, but the softness around his tummy does make him pause in the mirror lately. He never noticed before how much being truly active made him feel good. That being athletic wasn't just about a big win or suffering through the aftermath of a loss in his living room at the hands of his father. So here Steve is with another new hobby and a little more self discovery, and the time he spends running and thinking allows him to be just a little more level headed than he ever was before.

He's been exploring this idea that he spent so long running from, that being alone doesn't need to be lonely. He's discovered that independence was about surviving on his own and going through life with absent parents - still making it to each game not only on time but early, never missing a doctor's appointment, eating dinner and not surviving on pizza. This is something different. This is doing things alone because you want to, experiencing things for yourself, being comfortable in your interests and and comfort in knowing who you are and who you might want to be. Autonomy, individuality. 

In his post-run haze, Steve is sprinting up the steps after his morning run one day when he's abruptly stopped in the hallway by a swinging door to his face and an angry teenager storming out of it right into his path. He's heard them before - his neighbors - probably the worst part of their apartment living situation was whatever went on over there. The boy, whoever he was, was loud, angry. when he was actually home and wasn't angry, he was blasting music that made the walls shake. He was mean. And most times the girl would not respond. Her voice wouldn't be heard over his. Every so often she'd stand her ground and shout back, but when she did there were always slammed doors, the bang of fits on the wall. All things that made Steve's skin crawl. 

This time, he didn't hear the shouts or the argument but he saw the aftermath. The tear stricken face of the redhead girl who didn't look up from her feet as she stormed out, and walked right into his chest. "Sorry. Fuck. Sorry." She snapped as her striking blue eyes bore through him like he should be sorry for what he said - when he didn't even say a thing. "Hey hey hey… you good?" Steve reaches up to grab her shoulders and look at her directly. 

"Yeah I'm fuckin' peachy. What do you care?" She bites back harder. 

" I- I'm your neighbor, Steve. I mean, I … "

"Oh, so you hear all the shit my brother of the year says to me then, huh? Don't look at me like that." There's that bite again. "I don't want your pity."

"No, no. It's not like that I… I'm just."

He's caught off guard by the healthy eye roll he receives by the young girl who moved to push past Steve, who still finds himself holding her shoulders in place as some form of comfort or grounding. "C'mon, don't be like that. I'm not trying to be an asshole, just… where are you going? "

"Over the rainbow. Fantasia, Sesame Street. Literally anywhere but with that dickwad."

"What about .. would you just come in our place? Hide out there for a while?"

" Are you some fuckin weirdo? I don't even know you. " 

" I know… I know, I just… you shouldn't have to run like that. Just, c'mon. I'll leave you alone, just… come hang out in our place. Robin's in there. We… we can just - please let me help you out." He has no idea why he feels the need to help this nameless girl so badly, he just knows that he does. 

"Listen. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I don't need you. I was fine before you moved in, I'll still be fine now that you're here." 

Steve knows when to stop pushing, even though his stubborn streak tells him to keep going. This time he decides to bite his tongue and let it go. "For what it's worth, I used to think I didn't need anyone else either." And with that he walked around her and left the girl standing in the hallway. Looking back one last time before walking through his doorway he catches her standing in the hallway for a beat, before storming towards the elevator doors. 

Things have been slow this afternoon, only the dull buzz of the cc camera system running in the background and the mundane tapping of the duo on the glass case counter. Steve and Robin are killing time behind it, perched on backless stools, legs kicked up along side one another on the glass "Alex is really just...dude. She makes me feel so mature. Like… I don't feel like a bumbling idiot band freak for once in my life. I think this is going somewhere Steve. You gotta meet her. Okay? You gotta. I don't think I can get any more serious with her unless you meet her and like her, too."

"Robbie, just bring her around. Stop over thinking things. Jesus Christ. I love you. I'm sure I'll love her too. Just… invite her over or something. Not everything has to be a big event."

And as if he could smell that a serious conversation was going on without him, Murray busts in to the store floor. "Hey  video store boy, I gotta job for you today!" he tosses a giant box of used porn tapes up on the counter. "These puppies need to be rewound and checked so we can do a discount sale." 

"Ah fuck. I left these days behind me, man? Wait - did you say checked? Like for what? "

"Quality, damage, ya know… .looks like you're watching some porn today, Romeo! You can use the back room, buddy boy. I won't judge you if you want to spank it while you watch ‘em through. S'been awhile, right? Can't let Robin and her little girlfriend be the only one getting off around here."

Steve scoffs at Murray's comment. "The fuck, man? That was uncalled for."

Robin stifles a giggle. "He makes a point, Stevie. You haven't had much luck since nightclub chick on the first weekend. This might be a record drought for you. Are you even trying? I thought you were going out some of those nights? Nothing work out?" 

"Robin. C'mon. I'm not talking about this with you …both of you …now." Steve doesn't want to explain that he's gone on a few dates with the girls he meets out at the bars or clubs, but those nights Robin is out, that's when Steve has been going out, sure, but it's been solo. Sitting at different restaurant bars, sampling new foods, trying to figure his life out. 

And as if the Sex Shop Gods heard his prayers, the bell rings signaling a customer.- the first one all afternoon. "I'll do your stupid tapes after this." He grumbles; a charming customer service voice turned up full throttle after that "Hello sir! Welcome. What can I help you with today? " 

The suit clad man, Steve estimated to be in his mid 40s, joins Steve at the counter and in hushed tones asks for some help picking out a good quality lube. "Yeah man, let's get you hooked up." He claps his hands together and leads the man to the racks across the store.

"Boys sensitive. Still got some shit going on, yeah?" Murray mumbles to Robin. She sighs and just nods in his direction. 

"Yeah, man. I thought he was keeping busy, going on dates or whatever when I go out with Alex but something isn't adding up. He went through a phase where he was striking out with every girl left and right when I met him, and this isn't the same… " she trails off.

"... Prince Charming is still falling short." Murray finishes, as he gazes at Steve across the store. 

Steve emerges from the back room hours later, rubbing his hands down his face looking exhausted. " Rob, you gotta come back here with me. I can't watch one more of these pornos by myself. I think I'm going delirious - oh shit. Sorry I didn't know we had a customer. Sorry."

"Steve. Dingus. Chill. It's… not a customer. This… uh. This is -"

"Hey, what's up? I'm Alex. And you're Steve. Cuter up close." She winks at him, eyes glistening with mischief as she leans in with an outstretched hand. Her firm handshake taking Steve by surprise. 

"Oh fuck. Hey. It's good to meet you Alex. .. what do you mean cuter up close?"

"Uh yeah. I mean I'm pretty sure I left out that part about when we met. She… she thought you were my boyfriend - "

"Typical. " Steve cocks his shoulder up in a shrug. 

"- Exactly. That's what I said. But anyway. She thought we were dating because she'd see us at the coffee shop and she was… "

"I was admiring you guys from afar. Thought you were the fuckin cutest pair. Called you Coffee Shop couple in my mind." She confidently explains.

"Stalker. " Steve teases. 

"Robs, I like him. Yeah, so until I ran into Robin that day by herself I was just daydreaming of this unattainable coffee shop couple. I guess if you're not real, at least I could settle for half of you,"

"The better half," Robin muses. The twinkle of a Tamagotchi goes off in the background. 

"Go care for your spawn, Robin, or you're gonna owe me another drink tonight." Steve teases. 

"Fuck! I don't have the extra cash to carry your drinking habits this week, Harrington." She shouts as she sprints off to the break room to fetch her keychain. 

"She's something else." Alex says, now left alone with Steve for the first time." Sorry if I came off stalker-y. I tend to come on strong."

"Funny enough, I actually know the feeling. You're fine. You make her happy and that's all I ever want for her." He smiles. 

"You're a good friend, Steve." Alex gets out, before Robin barrels into the store floor again swinging her keychain, shit eating grin on her face. "It lives to die another day! No drinks for you tonight, Harrington." 

"You guys need some company? What's on the agenda this afternoon? I'm free for the next few hours?" Alex leans back on the counter looking between the pair.

"Well …  dingus here just was asking for some company as he reviews the secondhand pornos in the back room. Quality checks on the pros knocking boots. Wanna come?" Robin offers. "I got snacks."

"Oh hell yeah, I'm coming" she responds quickly, grabbing Robin's hand and following her to the back room.

What the fuck, Steve thinks to himself. He's never met someone as bold and free as Alex and he's only known her for 15 minutes. He shakes his head and comes to the conclusion that yes, he's gonna spend his afternoon watching pornos with his best friend and her girlfriend. All for a paycheck. Can't make this shit up. He runs his hands through his hair and follows the pair back behind the drapes. "Alex, as the guest of honor, you pick the next one. Anything on the pile. I'll rewind and get it rolling."

This time it's a totally kitschy plotline where the maid gets herself stuck in the oven while she's cleaning it rolls on the box screen television in the back. Robin is sat on the old couch with Alex next to her, arm tossed over her shoulder rubbing her thumb along her exposed skin. Steve perches himself along the arm of the couch, back to the wall, legs kicked up the trio laid back with a soundtrack of moans and groans in the background. Steve's eyes are flitting between the screen and the two girls on the couch before he breaks the silence. 

"So we're either gonna make this funny, or it might get totally weird, what's it gonna be?"

"You mean you don't want to sensually watch this girl get a banana in the fruit salad while we're both here? Don't enjoy watching some random dude fill the cream donut with your best friend and her girl?" 

Steve groans and her never-ending wild euphemisms for sex before Alex throws a wide, teasing grin his way before saying, "Look at her tits. No wonder she got stuck. They have to be the size of watermelons."

Robin giggles before her own observations come tumbling forth, "Listen, we all know a man is basically the least appealing thing on the planet to me, but that guy's legs look like a chicken. Am I wrong?"

"Nah, he needs to go for a run. Do a leg day or something." Steve laughs back. "I'm surprised he even has any power behind that thrust."

And things go on like this for the rest of the afternoon, fits of sarcasm, giggles, and gaping mouths, especially for Robin as she wails out and hides her eyes every time a guy slips it in on the screen, Alex teasing her relentlessly "C'mon! It's just biological. That guy's dick actually isn't that bad. He's got some girth." A louder groan comes from Robin as she tries to block out the words from her ears. "Robs, it's like… it's probably like when I use three fingers instead of two, you like that."

"Nope! Nope. I'm out. I'm done." Steve yells, throwing his hands up in the air and pushing off the couch arm where he was still lounging. "I don't need to hear that shit. Fuck right off, both of you."

Robin's face is a mix of pure embarrassment intermingling with absolute entertainment. Her shocked face morphing into a shit eating grin at Steve's uncomfortable pacing. 

"You two finish these tapes together. No funny business on that couch either because I nap there. None of this three fingers bullshit. Fuck. ROBIN. I… " Steve's ranting fades off into the distance as he walks through the curtain still blabbering, hands on his hips, leaving Alex and Robin full on cackling in the back room. 

Not twenty minutes goes by before Robin hears the ding of the bell and a voice that's not Steve's shout "What the fuck did you sell me? My dick is falling off!" The pair’s eyes go wide and dart to look at one another and back at the curtain before they both clamber over one another to push through the curtain. Just about the same time, Murray is emerging from his back office to see what the fuss is about. 

"You need to fix this!" The older suited man from earlier bellows at Steve across the counter.

"Dude, I don't know what you're talking about. Do you mean the tingling?"

"Tingling? My dick is gonna fall off, did you hear me?"

"What the fuck, man! Are you having a reaction?" Steve shouts back. 

"You did this to me!"

Steve’s voice wavers under the weight of the unexpected confrontation, stumbling over words as he attempts to respond. "I-I mean, seriously?" he shakes his head, expressing a blend of confusion and frustration. "I.. what-what the fuck. I didn't do anything!"

"Sir, sir, please calm down and explain what your issue is. If my Associate here made a mistake I'm sure - " he glares over at Steve "he will apologize. Right?" 

"Yeah yeah, Christ. Just… your dick isn't gonna fall off man, let's just figure this out."

And before any of them knows it, the man's dick is out of his pants and slapped on top of the counter for the whole group to see. Even Murray is surprised by this turn of events and hesitates before he can come up with anything to say. "Ok, what the fuck, man?"

This time, more calmly, dick still out on the glass, the man explains that he thinks his dick is going to fall off because it won't stop burning. Steve goes on to recount for the group that yes, that probably is true because the man picked out tingling lube, so he should, justifiably expect some tingling. "Why would I want my dick to burn like this? I thought that meant like… a good orgasm."

"No man, when I said this one tingles, I literally meant it tingles."

"So, that's why my asshole is burning, too?" The buttoned up man whispers to Steve sheepishly. "I- I used a lot."

"Yeah buddy. Yeah... That's… wh-why your asshole is burning, too. How about we… get ya a new one and send you on your way so you can shower? How's that? "

Things go on like this for about a week. Robin and Steve working and Alex popping in daily to spend some time there with them. Murray has taken a liking to her, too. Obviously, with her quick wit and bold nature, they're quite an unruly pair. Robin is often embarrassed as the two of them get into conversation (and sometimes debates) about work, life, Murray's experiences in the 70s, recreational drugs, politics, of course sex and more. Steve often is the brunt of any teasing, which he learns to take with surprising agreeableness, often waving them off as he walks away bitching, but not doing much to hide his smirk at the exchange either. 

In between Alex's shameless flirting with Robin, today's customer comes in and unlike the typical bumbling hesitation so many have when they walk in the sex shop, fresh with the self-perceived shame of coming in a place like this for pleasure, this one marches in with purpose. The man, with perfectly gelled platinum blonde hair and meticulously crafted eyebrows nods at the crew commingled around the register as he beelines it for the BDSM section. 

Its moments later before the man, wearing the tightest jeans Steve has ever seen (and that's saying a lot. He knows his are snug), smacks down the most high end leather whip that the store carries - handles laden in sparkling jewels, the smell of genuine leather catching their noses. "Hey man." He says to Steve, as he waits to be checked out. 

"Bitchin' choice" Robin compliments. 

"Yeah? You like this stuff?"

"Oh fuck no, it's still cool though."

"I gotta be honest, I don't either. But it's not for that. It's part of my outfit - my costume. I do drag and I needed a little something extra for the show next weekend. It just wasn't edgy enough for the new theme."

Alex is immediately interested. "Drag? What's your costume? Do you have a character?" Totally perked up and leaning in to hear more. 

"My drag name is Roxy Royale. We dance at The Rainbow Room downtown. It's a Dungeons and DRAGons show next weekend. I shouldn't spoil it and you should just come to the show to see what I'm wearing!" Emphasizing the drag when he speaks. 

He sees the varying levels of interest on the group's face, ranging from pure excitement to total confusion, the latter of which was written all over Steve's face. "Loads of people come. All different types." He looks directly at Steve and then back to the other two girls, "I promise, it won't make you gay, it's just a good time."

Robin and Alex chime in " .. already there buddy."  Alex looks at Steve, still looking kind of uncomfortable and says "Steve, c'mon. Stop being so Hawkins and let's go." 

Robin hums in agreement before she adds "But you're not wearing a polo." 

The anticipation buzzed in the air as Steve, Robin, and Alex stood in line outside The Rainbow Room, the venue hosting the Dungeons and Dragons drag show. Neon lights illuminated the night, casting a kaleidoscope of colors on the excited crowd. Steve shifted uncomfortably, feeling a mix of nerves and curiosity as he adjusted the collar of one of the new shirts he picked out with the help of Robin and Alex - his polo traded for a simple black short sleeved button up with a collar, Nikes traded for a new pair of Converse, much to Robin's delight. 

Earlier that night, after taking some extra time getting himself ready, he was nervous for the opinion of his friend. "Dude. Yes. Dude! Did you do that all on your own? Cuff up those pants like that? Hell yes. Let's fuckin' go!" And with just that little praise, he felt a little more at ease, but now standing there after Alex just popped open one more button at the top of the collar to show off a little more of his freckle spattered chest and a wisp of the patch of hair hiding underneath, he's trying hard not to be self conscious. 

This was a far cry from the small town house parties he was used to, and his heart raced at the thought of stepping into this new world, especially in these new shoes. Even those first few weekends out at the huge night club didn’t make him feel quite as nervous. Maybe it was a mix of the fact that he was standing in line waiting for a Drag Show and the fact that he’s wearing clothing that he bought specifically to prove to Robin that he can loosen up a little, but he’s feeling more like he doesn’t belong than ever. 

Robin, on the other hand, was practically bouncing on her toes. She couldn't help but shoot excited glances at Alex, who constantly exudes that confident aura that only amplifying Robin's enthusiasm. Alex's arm was casually draped around Robin's shoulders, and she leaned in to press a quick kiss to Robin's temple, a gesture that grounded Robin's nervous energy and filled her with warmth.

As they finally stepped into the venue, the energy enveloped them like a whirlwind. The air was filled with laughter, and the mesmerizing beat of music. Glitter and sequins adorned every corner, reflecting prismatic light off of every surface. The cocktail waitresses had hair teased high and arches in their lipstick drawn just as dramatically. 

"Wow," Steve breathed, his eyes wide as he took in the exuberant surroundings.

"Oh, I can get behind this! Look at these outfits! Everyone looks so AMAZING!” Robin continues to take it all in.

Alex smirks and leans over into Steve, their burgeoning friendship something Steve has found himself grateful for on more than one occasion already, "Don't worry, Steve. Your sense of adventure is about to level up."

They found seats at a table draped with a sequined tablecloth, the anticipation growing as they ordered drinks - one called Ruff'n'Tough for Alex, a Pop My Cherry for Robin, and Steve's, a Sex Panther, which made the girls grin wide and stifle back giggles when he ordered it from the cocktail waitress. 

Despite its delicate pink color from the grenadine, the zip of bourbon against Steve's tongue gives him some simple comfort. Gazing on at the stage adorned with a dragon-themed backdrop, and the lights dimmed as the emcee, Roxy Royale herself, strutted onto the stage in a dazzling, shimmering gown that seemed to change colors with every movement. The trio cheered loudly as Roxy brandished the recognizable whip during her lavish entrance.  

As the performances began, Steve's initial unease slowly melted away. The performers were masters of their craft and it was way less sexual than he honestly expected. The performers' routines merged fantasy, comedy, and sensuality and clearly took a lot of talent. Robin leaned over to Steve, her eyes showing off just how much fun she was having. "See, Stevie? It's all about embracing yourself. Not one person here is having a bad time. Look at them!"

Steve chuckled, feeling himself relax as he watched a performance that involved a sword fight with inflatable dragons, all set to a pulsating dance beat. He found himself clapping and whooping along with the crowd and he couldn’t even hide the fact that he was enjoying himself if he tried. 

Alex leaned over her girlfriend's lap and into Steve's space, her tone playful when she says "Steve… these performers sure know how to wield their swords, wouldn’t you agree."

Steve's cheeks flushed a deep shade of crimson, a mixture of embarrassment and amusement dancing in his eyes. He shook his head and laughed, finally letting go of his reservations. "Total experts." He agrees. 

As the night unfolded, their table became a hub of excitement. They exchanged laughs, stories, and delighted gasps, camaraderie growing stronger with each performance. Steve found himself caught up in the energy, even joining the crowd in dancing as sparkling, iridescent confetti falls from the ceiling during the finale, the group clapping along to Madonna’s “Like a Prayer".  The three are shouting into the crowd, truly not having a care in the world.

Once the performances are over, the crowd congregates and enjoys the pumping beats of the music along with the performers on the dance floor. One big syncopated rhythm running through the entire crowd. Steve had shed his initial reservations completely and was now dancing with newfound confidence, amongst his friends and complete strangers, the dip in his shirt opening just one more button now - maybe by accident, maybe his fingers found their way there on their own and loosened it up just one more notch. Steve won’t admit this out loud, but everything here at this place feels so much safer and enjoyable than any night he’s spent with his friends out at the local clubs. 

When the familiar opening notes of "It's Raining Men" fill the air, the crowd erupts in cheers and claps. All the performers on the floor start catcalling all the men in the crowd as the music starts to pick up and the notes crescendo, energy building along with the beat. 

Suddenly, the room dims slightly, and a spotlight shone on a dazzling figure at the center of the stage. The performer adorned in shimmering hot pants, twirling a rhinestone bedazzled umbrella above her head holds the audience's attention. “I got one more for ya, Bitches!” She exclaims and with a mischievous grin, she scans the crowd. And in a flash, her gaze lands on Steve.

"Oh honey, look who we have here!" The drag queen's voice boomed through the speakers, her words carrying a blend of playfulness and allure.

Steve's eyes widened in surprise as he realized he was being singled out and the crowd is cheering him on. He exchanged glances with Robin and Alex, who were clearly delighted by the turn of events, Robin clapping her hands and jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas. With hot pink tipped nails, the performer extends her hand, beckoning him toward the stage with a flick of her wrist. "C'mon honey. Don't keep me waiting."

With an encouraging nod from his friends, Steve found himself moving toward the stage, his heart racing with a mix of exhilaration and nervousness - but he’s surprised to notice it’s not at all the embarrassment he might have expected. The crowd parted like a sea, creating a path for him to reach the stage. 

Steve reached the stage, feigning as much of his King Steve confidence as possible on the way there, the drag queen held out her hand, her smile inviting and warm. "Come on, sweetheart! Let's show them how it's done!"

Caught up in the moment, Steve took her hand, feeling an unexpected surge of genuine confidence, so he dropped the act, giving her a real, thousand watt beaming smile - the kind he used to use on all the girls back in Hawkins to make them melt. The performer expertly led him into a dance, her movements fluid and engaging and Steve took all the bait. He threw his head back in laughter, matching her steps to the best of his ability while the cheers and whistles of the crowd fueled his ego. 

As the song reached its climax, the performer spun Steve around before twirling herself, their movements synchronized to the music and the crowd roared in approval, the energy radiating through the room.

When the song ended the performer pulled Steve into a theatrical bow, popping her hip out and gesturing towards Steve with open arms, the crowd erupting in applause once again. Steve's cheeks were flushed, happiness painting his expression while his chest heaved up and down from exertion.

After he stepped down from the stage hands reaching out to shake his, clapping at his back out of acknowledgement and camaraderie, he makes his way towards the bar near the back of the room to get himself a drink and take a seat. As he slides out the barstool and slides in, a sweet voice next to him says “Well that was unexpected, Pearl Jam.” 

His eyes snap open, lips barely touching the glass of beer he desperately wants to throw back for hydration, as he looks to his right to find the pretty girl he immediately recognizes from the Record Store. “Pearl Jam? I think that’s a better nickname for you - it’s good by the way. I didn’t think I’d like it, but I’m into it. So thanks, for that.” 

“Hmm, I’m glad you did. I feel accomplished when I do my civic duty and turn random cute strangers on to good music.” You say with a smile, and before Steve can respond, you’re up off your stool and lost in the crowd. Steve is left sitting there sipping his beer, shaking his head with a smile on his lips wondering what your name really is and what brought you here tonight, and only for a split second, did Steve wonder if he's ever run into you again.

By the end of the evening, early morning at this point, the trio finds themselves standing outside The Rainbow Room, faces glowing with joy and a lot of new memories. 

"I can't believe we almost missed this," Steve admitted with a smile, the words carrying a hint of wonder.

Robin bumped her shoulder playfully against Steve's. "Hey, sometimes you just have to roll a natural 20 on your courage check." 

Alex grinned and intertwined her fingers with Robin's. "And look where it took us. An unforgettable night with dragons, glitter, and Steve Harrington dancing on stage twirling an umbrella."

“Listen, and you’d never believe what happens next…” Robin shouts down the bar. 

“Robin! C’mon.” Steve begs. 

“Oh no, Red, you gotta tell us. Please, tell us what happened next.” Murray encourages. Their boss has joined the pair for a few drinks after a late night closing up shop and preparing for The Hideout’s semi-annual sale, so Murray can make room for new inventory after he travels to the annual Adult Novelty Trade Show in Boston in a few weeks. 

“Fine, let me do it. She….they picked me out and I went up on stage.”

“NO.” Murray gasps. Clutching his hand to his chest like he’s grasping onto a set of pearls.

Hopper is slapping the bar in laughter as Joyce pours Steve a shot “Here honey, it’s on the house for all this abuse you’re taking. If you had fun, that’s all that matters.”

“Hop, you should have seen him. It was amazing.” She shouts as she stands over by the jukebox. Before Steve’s brain catches up to Robin’s antics, he realizes too late what she is doing, and the opening bars of “It’s Raining Men” blare over the speakers. 

“NO NO NO!” Murray chants. “THIS was the song? Jesus that’s fuckin priceless, pretty boy.”

After some back and forth debate on whether or not Steve should give an encore performance on the bar of Bennys, the crew opts to forgo that experience in favor of another round. Steve’s treat if only to “Shut you all the fuck up.” 

The group settles into smaller conversations, Hop and Joyce getting the latest scoop on Robin and Alex and their most recent dates at the end of the bar. Joyce, looking on at Robin thrilled and proud like a mother, would be learning about her little girl’s first love. Murray is still seated next to Steve and, unlike his normal taunting of the boy, he genuinely starts asking Steve about how he’s settling in these days.

“Man, it’s been hard actually. I had no idea how little I had myself figured out until I came here. I feel like a fish out of water sometimes, but it’s kinda been fun trying to figure it all out.” Steve ruminates. “Thanks…for actually asking, though.”

“Red really is the only one lucky enough to bag a girl, though? Huh? I don’t mean to always tease, but what’s the deal? I know you got it in you. A face like that, I know. you know how to use it” He settles back into a slight tease. 

Steve takes a few minutes to tell him about Melissa - oh god, what a jab to the ego that was - and a few other mundane dates he set up with random girls he met the night prior at the club or the bar they went out to over the weekend. But what he can't figure out is why they all fell short. Every single one. Despite their agreeableness to meet him in the daylight, they had no real interest in being on a date with him, they only wanted to get liquored up and dance with him in the dark. He’s been either bored to death or strung up and eaten alive and there has been absolutely no in between. 

“Okay, but…have you ever asked a woman out on a date?” He holds his hand up at Steve to cut off his impending rebuttal “NOT a girl. A woman. And not some small town high school date to the movies or the make out point on the bluff. A date where you do something and learn something about each other?”

Steve opens his mouth to respond, but realizes he has nothing to say.

"Dude you gotta lube 'em up before you slide home. I get that you were prom king or whatever but that's not how the world works. Women. Real women are not going to just throw themselves at you because you can flip your hair outta your eyes. "

They both bring their beers up to their lips and Steve considers the man's advice in silence. “Because it sounds like you're trying to catch yourself a good woman but you're out here using bait for girls. Good women know their value and they don't sell themselves short. They did that. Some twerp like you fucked them up one time and they went on a path of self discovery. So if you're laying down fuckboy shit, that's all you'll get in return.”

Steve nods, taking in what Murray has to say and thinking hard. "Yeah, that…makes more sense than I want to even admit. Especially to you.” The pair exchange a glance and Steve stretches out his beer towards Murray, who bears his teeth wide as he reaches back to clink his glass with Steves.

"Stevie, c'mere!" He hears Robin call from her bedroom.

"What! Robin. I swear to God you two better be clothed." 

The door creaking open slowly, he's met with Robin and Alex laying with their backs on the floor, snuggled close together, legs propped up in the air on the bed. "Nah, no Afternoon Delight in here today."

"Robin, where in the hell do you keep coming up with these? For a girl who wouldn't talk about boobies with me a few years ago, this is ridiculous."

"What can I say, I'm coming -" she says suggestively with a wink "- into my own. "

"Ok that's enough Sex Talk with Robin, whaddya want?"

Steve jumps onto Robin's bed, bouncing a bit as the mattress settles, legs crossing theirs and looking down on the pair tangled on the floor. After a lead-in of stumbling, stuttering worlds from Robin, Alex interrupts her girlfriend to save everyone from the stress induced misery "As you surely can see, Robin is a little stressed." 

"Yeah, what about, Robbie?"

"This little lady here wants to see if you want to join us tonight."

He looks at Robin and then back at Alex confused "Were not hanging out tonight, it's your weekly date night? " 

The pair go on to explain how Robin is worried because Murray told her he's not actually going on dates when they are out on theirs and it's giving her a complex about leaving her best friend behind. For a moment he's irritated that Murray would open his cocky big mouth like that, but he takes a second to consider that it wasn't to talk about him behind his back and make fun of him. After their heart to heart at the bad, he can see that Murray actually means well. 

"Robbie, look at me. It's okay. I'm not sitting around moping. I… I actually go out on my own. Enjoy a meal, try a new drink. It's nice actually. Did you know I actually like red wine? And.. maybe I'll third wheel on another day - that's NOT your date night. I'll take you to one of the places I found. It's… I promise I'm actually really good with it. I don't feel lonely when you're out together. "And it's the softness in his moss colored eyes that's the only thing that put Robin at ease. She was just so concerned that leaving him alone made him feel the same as he did in Hawkins, but she could see that her friend was being honest. She could see that he meant it when he didn't feel lonely and she believed him. 

And so instead of quietly dusting off on his own after Robin leaves on her date, they get ready together. Alex assuring them that they both look great, Steve needing more encouragement than Robin as he digs into the pile of new clothing again, he eventually just lets the pair pick out his options, leaving him with well fitting black denim, opting for the comfort of the black chucks he's already taken to wearing. "Cuff 'em again, hot stuff. That was a good look for you." Robin mentions as she finishes off his outfit by handing him a deep emerald green short sleeve button up with subtle little vertical stripes running its length. 

"Do me a favor, and leave it open. Don't button yourself up. You get too stuffy." He glares at Robin, getting a little bold with her opinion "... Please." She tacks on with a forced smile.

The three exit the building together and even take the train as a group until Alex tugs at Robin's hand signaling the end of their ride. Steve has a few more stops, so he settles into his seat solo as he waves at the girls, shouting after them to have a good night and stay out of trouble.

The sun is setting over the city now, casting shadows through orange and lavender tinted clouds as he approaches a restaurant downtown that looks interesting and has space at the bar. It's a little more sleek than he normally would pick out, shiny bar laden with expensive looking cocktails and bottles behind the bar, patrons sprinkled through the dining area tucked in close to one another on dates or crowded around raucous tables fill of businessmen after work. Steve's moving his fingers and toying absentmindedly with the buttons of his shirt hanging loose as he slides in to the last open spot at the bar.

After enjoying his meal and having a few glasses of wine, whatever the bartender recommend, he sits back and enjoys a moment of people watching. Considering what kind of stories all of these other people have. If the bartender always lived in the city or came here running away from something; If the two women next to him fiddling with their wedding rings love their husbands at all after overhearing their complaints over cosmos all night; if the men in business suits at the corner table closed a deal today or are just so rich they do this every week.

He wonders if the girl sitting with his back to him is on a first or maybe a third… quickly deciding it had to be a first date by the way they weren't touching and how he saw her leg bouncing. But it's the way she throws back her half full glass of wine in one gulp tells him that she's not having a good time, so with nothing better to do he decides to watch someone else's date go down in flames, and continues sipping while glancing their way. 

Steve noticed that the date, buttoned up and looking a little stuffy with his hair slicked back, almost looking wet, and his fingers tapping along to nothing in particular on the table has not stopped talking - at least since Steve's last glass was refilled. Unsurprisingly, the girl raises to her feet gesturing in the direction of the bathroom, and Steve readjusts to make sure it's not so obvious he's watching. 

But it's on her way back, heels clicking along the shiny tiles of the restaurant that Steve chances a glance and knows exactly who this mystery woman is. Well, not exactly. He has no idea what your name is, but he knows exactly who you are. The girl from the record store. Pearl Jam. And it seems as though you recognize him, too, eyes catching one another just for an instant as you pass.

Now he’s distracted. You’ve never stayed put long enough in the two times you’ve crossed paths previously for him to truly take you in, so he’s doing it now. Drinking you in like the wine in his hand. He can see now, from this angle, the curve of your nose and makes particular note of the way your hair falls. He wonders for a moment what it feels like when someone runs their fingers through it. He sees the deep color of your eyes, and can tell by the way you’re sitting and carrying yourself in the face of a date that looks like a total douchebag that you aren’t easy to impress, nor are you easy to rattle. Stubborn, I bet, Steve thinks to himself.

Looking at his watch, one of the only nice things his dad ever bought him that he chose to bring along in this new life, he decides one more drink is about enough before heading home. Mid-way through his last glass, he sees the table you and the date were occupying is being bussed, presumed bad date over. Steve pays the bartender, and tips well. Probably too well for his Sex Shop Salary, but it’s at least one good habit he learned from his otherwise despicable father. 

Stepping outside of the restaurant, Steve immediately sees you standing near the curb across the street, searching through your bag with a mixture of frustration and annoyance evident on your face. Steve observed from a distance, his curiosity piqued seeing you standing there alone. As you reach your hand out to hail a cab while continuing to rifle through your pocketbook, Steve hesitated for a moment before making a decision. He crossed the street, his steps purposeful. As he approaches, you looked up from your bag, and for a brief moment, your eyes met. Steve offered a friendly smile, hoping to ease any awkwardness.

"Need some help, Pearl Jam?" he asked, his voice carrying a touch of warmth.

You blinked in surprise, then sighed in relief. "Actually, yes. My date's idea of chivalry didn't include paying for the cab fare. Or my meal for that matter. Told me I seemed to be into feminism and all so I should have no problem covering my own meal. Can you believe that shit? So..I think I'm short on a goddamn cab and...." 

Steve chuckled, "Well, that doesn't sound very chivalrous at all."

With a sheepish grin, you shrugged. "Yeah, tell me about it. Lesson learned, I guess."

As the cab pulls up, Steve offers you a solution. “Which way are you going? We can share instead?” and he can see the relief roll off of your shoulders. 

“At this point, I don’t even care which direction you’re going. I’ll join you as long as it’s away from here.” 

Steve's lips twitched with amusement. "Sounds like you're having quite the night."

You rolled your eyes, then glanced at him. "How about you? Just leaving the restaurant? Where's your date?"

"Yeah, just finishing up, and there was no date. Just me." Steve replied. "Honestly, it's been a pretty uneventful evening until now." He flashes a smile.

And as the cab ride continued, both you and Steve found that the conversation flowed easily. Now, to his great pleasure, he knows your actual name. He knows that, though you look too young to be so accomplished, you work at Loyola University and are a professor teaching both psychology and art and blending the two as often as you can in special topic courses. He learns you have been in the city for five years, and you were at the Drag Show with some of your Art Department colleagues. When he realizes you're waiting for him to share the same details about himself, you see the glimmer of something that looks like shame in his eyes. 

"Well, I just kind of moved here. It's… it's going. Not exactly where I thought I'd be with my life so .."

"Steve, it's okay you don't have to be doing big things to be a good guy. You know that right?" You say, hand on his forearm in an attempt to encourage him, but instead its setting off electrical charges he can't ignore. 

"Yeah, I mean… well I was at the Drag Show because one of our customers was the Emcee and invited us. She.. uh, bought her whip from the store my roommate and I work at. It's not a long term thing - God at least I hope it's not - shit. But.. yeah it's what I'm doing anyway so… " he trails off and shrugs. Praying to God you don't think he's some kind of loser. 

And if you do, you don't show it. You don't press and you let him say just as much as he wants. The rest of the car ride is friendly and Steve has coaxed at least three fits of giggles out of you. He makes a mental note that he's done more in the 15 minute cab ride than he is sure your stupid date did all meal. 

As you reached your destination, you paid the cab fare with a grateful smile. "Thanks for the help and the company. You sure turned my date night around. I was so excited for dessert but that guy was so awful I needed to get away as quickly as possible. So I guess this cab ride was my sweet treat. " you said.

Steve nodded, feeling a sense of camaraderie. "No problem at all. Hey, I know a thing or two about ice cream. If you're still in the mood for that dessert?"

You chuckled, the offer catching you by surprise. "Ice cream actually sounds pretty tempting right about now. Might be just what I need to soothe the sting of another bad first date."

"Well, lucky for you, I don't give a shit if you're a feminist, I still won't make a pretty girl pay for it. That's just stupidity."

The two of you walked into a nearby ice cream parlor, the neon lights creating a warm glow on your skin. As you shared stories over scoops of your favorite flavors, time seemed to slip away. You spent loads of time hearing about Robin and their awful job history, and spent some more dissecting each other's musical tastes, promising the boy that you had more albums up your sleeve that you think he'd be into, too. 

After the drag show and the unexpected chance meeting at the restaurant, hanging out with you felt like a natural progression. As you finished your ice cream, Steve looked at you with a grin. "So, now that we've established our mutual fear of bad first dates and love for ice cream, how about we make hanging out a more intentional thing? See if we have even more in common?"

You chuckled, a sparkle in your eyes. "I think I can get behind that idea." 

Coming up the elevator just a few minutes later, Steve was feeling lighter than air. He paid no mind to the buzzing of the fluorescent lights in the hallways or the predictable shouting from the neighbors place as he approached his front door. Jangling his keychain to get his key loose from the mess he notices that his Tamagotchi is… gone. It's the first one he's lost prematurely since Robin got the stupid things and he rolls his eyes knowing she's going to eat this up when he tells her in the morning. 

Walking into the foyer he notices Robin's shoes and keys on the hook, signaling that she and Alex must be tucked away in her room by now. He honestly doesn't want to hang out with them anyway. He shuffles down the hallway, running his finger along the wall lazily before slipping into his own bedroom. Closing the door behind him and pressing his body up against it, his mind drifts right back to how you looked in the back of that cab. 

God, how could one person he's run into a total of three times be wrapping themselves into his conciseness like a vine. Is this the thing Murray was talking about? The whole woman thing? Because you were not like any of the girls he has been taking to the coffee shop and never seeing again. Not like any of the girls who fawned over his megawatt smile and pulled their panties to the side just for the bragging rights. Not like any of the city girls who take take take at the club only to stumble their way home on their friends arms instead at the end of the night.

The thought intimidated the shit out of him. He could make a list as long as his bedsheets why someone like you shouldn't waste their time on Steve Harrington. Far from a King, yet you still made him feel worth your time. Maybe it was all for show, the guy you conned into paying the cab fare too distracted to notice. And you didn't have to try that hard. He was distracted, that's for sure. 

At first it was seeing your eyes up close. Bright and sparkling, eyelashes batting with just enough makeup to make you look more beautiful, not to make you beautiful. To make the color of your eyes pop. That was nice, but when you touched his forearm in the back of the cab, your skin soft and smelling of lavender and cedarwood, you filled his senses and made him twitch. And then when you leaned over the table in the ice cream shop to offer him a taste of your peanut butter swirl ice cream, the neckline in your silk top dipped low and showed off just a shadow of what you were hiding under there and he felt his heels tap on the floor to get his mind on something else. 

All those distractions were flooding Steve's senses right now, hitting him all at once. He moved away from the doorway and over towards his record player - slipping the only stupid album he wants to play right now out of its sleeve and onto the turntable. Lowering the needle, as the static breaks the air and the first bars of "Ocean" break the silence, he sighs. Leaning over his dresser he looks up at himself in the reflection of his mirror. Murray was fuckin' right. He thinks. He did need to stop being what girls want. He wants to be what you want. What a woman like you even deserves. 

Before Steve even knows it the black of his denim is pulled taught over his crotch and he shakes his head "Ah fuck… I… I gotta… " he whispers out to no one in particular as he unhooks the buckle of his belt, button and zipper following quickly behind. Haphazardly, he pulls the undershirt from where it's tucked in around his waist and frees himself, the throwing his head back to the melodies coming from his speakers, the heavy weight of his cock in his hand and thoughts of you running rampant through his mind. 

Fuck. He doesn't even know you. Barely. But he can't help but run his thumb across his slit all while thinking about that peek of collarbone you gifted him from across the table, whimpering as he gathers the bead of precum gathered there at his tip. Needing more, and fast, he has no time to rummage through his drawers or run down the hallway to the bathroom to find a bottle of sample lube he snagged from work. 

Still leaning over his dresser, arm braced over the top, Steve opens his other hand and brings it up, spitting a large glob into its palm before bringing it back down and around himself, throbbing and angry red with the thought of you. His cool palm finally moving, chasing a relief that he needs more than he knew, he finds himself gasping out your name - the one he learned just hours before - as if you gave him permission. 

It feels lewd. Like he's taking advantage of a woman that's too good for him. Even still, he can't help but close his eyes and imagine it's you burrowing between his thighs. Imagine what the wet of your soft mouth might feel like wrapped around him, or the skin of your palms working him up instead. Steve shivers as he thinks about it, thighs tensing underneath himself - the pleasure growing fast and twisting the knot in his stomach taught. 

It's only been a few minutes but he quickly sheds his button up and undershirt wiping up the sweat gathering on his chest, his neck, his forehead before throwing it to the ground at his feet. His fist is moving, but he's trying to pace himself, taking a slow breath in followed by a calculated exhale through his nose.

His eyes are squeezed shut and head thrown back, sweat dripping down the gullet of his neck, bared to a woman who isn't there to nip at it. Leave her marks. Christ, they would probably be hot. Bruises right next to red lipstick like the one you wore for your date tonight.

Body tensing, thighs tighten under him making his whole self drive against the dresser. He falls forward, forearm resting on the top of the furniture, forehead coming down to rest on his forearm, hand moving along his worked up cock at a feverish pace. Taking a moment to give himself a squeeze along his shaft, he relishes in the tightened grip, then circles his sensitive head before returning to his bruising pace. 

He's chasing that high, gasping out your name, labored breathing and moans Robin and Alex could certainly hear if they weren't up to their own bad deeds in the room next door. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck, fuck. Jesus, I wanna give it to you - shit." 

The warmth is bubbling over from his belly and down through the base of his dick, vein running up the underside pulsing along with his racing heartbeat. The warmth of more precome dribbles out of his tip, baiting him to keep going - not to let up. When his abs tighten this last time, he slaps the dresser in front of him as ropes of come spurt out, once, twice, three spurts covering his hand and dribbling down his crotch and onto his dark denim.

He hasn't come like that in forever. And all it took was a cab ride with you and imagining your mischievous, bright eyes when he came. Once he gathers himself, he glares into his own eyes through the mirror, running his clean hand through his hair as he still grasps his softening, dripping cock and says go himself "I can not fuck this up." 

Divider by @firefly-graphics

🏷️TAGLIST: @livsters @johnricharddeacy @angywritesstuff @k-k0129 @tisthedamnseason69 @middle-of-the-earth @thebrazilianatheist   @mochminnie @micheledawn1975 @falling-throughthe-hourglass @rafaaoli @ash5monster01 @gabessock @onyxslayss @katie-tibo

[the-backspin-alchemist]

where are you at in worlds beyond number?

After today’s commute, I am at the very beginning of Episode 11 and things are *T E N S E*

Love the show, though. I’m currently bouncing back and forth between this and Murder She Rolled, and they’re both very different actual-plays in terms of setting and style and vibe, but in both instances the players and DMs bring the whole thing alive in a very fun and engaging way where it’s both sitting at the table while these people all have a ton of fun playing DND, and also a very immersive story that you get attached to very quickly.

Sorry I’ve been flipped into Gush About Stuff I’m Listening To Mode, I’m gonna ramble and gush about these podcasts for a bit now.

Alan Seawright in MSR is great at bouncing off of everyone at the table and flipping the switch between being the action hero in a serious way and an action hero in a comedic way, and basically everyone else at the table has picked up on that seemingly from the beginning, and it’s great. If you like…dark comedy and eldritch horror, it’s very fun.

Now.

Worlds Beyond Number is four heavyweight DND champions (both in actual-play settings and in terms of DND advice and design and generally being people present in the culture).

First off. @quiddie is a genius. Because she did something I now desperately want to try in the future, which is create inter-party tension by creating Suvi as a character that is intensely devoted to both her friends/adoptive family, but also to this place that she has now been raised and shaped by for the majority of her formative years that is set in opposition to what sort of ways Ame and Eursulon come from.

Second off, Erika Ishii as Ame is amazing, and a very fun way of playing…what I think is a Druid with some tweaks? It’s such a fun way of approaching what feels like the same class set but from a direction I absolutely would never have thought of and it’s amazing, I wanna try it now in a future game if I get the chance. Also Erika’s great, they’re amazing at interacting with everyone and keeping the lighthearted stuff lighthearted but also being able to drop into drama when needed (as has happened in the last few episodes quick specifically).

Lou Wilson as Eursulon is the sleeper hit of the show. For sure. And I am astounded by how well Lou managed to make it happen naturally. Because early on the episodes focus more on Suvi and Ame finding each other and going to find him with a quest focused on Ame and a lot of tension from Suvi’s background coming into play and being utilized to get things rolling, and then…Port Talon happens. And you realize he’s not been playing this dude that’s seemingly hit rock bottom and is ashamed of being taken advantage of as the new guy in town one too many times despite trying to live up to this *impossible* ideal, and he pulls out all these great character moments that build right to where I’m at where he’s been shamed by this great spirit for what he wanted to be and leaving his old world behind, and having finally clawed back what he could to reach what they set out to do he has to make a *choice* now, and he’s clearly struggling with what that choice is in the face of his friends’ lives being in danger and his old ideals coming back to give him pause about what he’s been doing and just…*gods* he’s possibly going to be my favorite at this rate? He’s playing a very similar character arc to what I wanted Jace to have when I played him in the campaign I played in with @charlezarrd, only…*way* more, and it’s amazing.

Also BLeeM’gan is an insanely good GM, this probably doesn’t need saying given his reputation, but it bears mentioning anyways. He’s crafted an insanely deep world that’s immersive and feels alive in a way that is…not easily describable.

And also him as the Fox is the best. The Fox is my other favorite character. He’s so good.

(Also Will Gallows might be my new favorite criminal mastermind, TBQH)

Anyways yeah Worlds Beyond Number is great! The only reason I’m not fully caught up up yet is because Murder She Rolled is also great!

(TBQH I would love to see Alan Seawright and the e rest do the MSR crew get thrown at the WBN crew, because I think it would be total chaos in the best way)

[jenyifer]

Cheum and Atom Siblings?🤷🏻 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know everyone’s sibling relationship is different maybe it’s cultural? But… what is going on with Cheum and her brother. Let’s start with some facts.

1. Cheum is in a Lesbian relationship and Atom is maybe Bisexual

2. Their family runs a noodle shop. They both work there. (I assume this is where Atom got his impression of Boston since the 4 friends eat there a lot)

3. Atom is the younger brother but he seems to be in university as well. So 2-3 year difference in age.

4. Cheum IS a good friend to Mew.

The number one indicator that Cheum and Atom have something horribly wrong going on is this. What do you mean you don’t know people can be born gay. Your sister is LGBTQIA+. I’m going to kindly overlook the fact that he doesn’t want to talk to his sister about his non str8 thoughts. Maybe he doesn’t want his parents to know etc. HOWEVER you are telling me Cheum came out and he didn’t look up anything about it? Especially if one day he’d dabble? No shot. Unless he’s… homophobic or… very very very self absorbed hates his sibling. The hell? One of my older siblings came out when I was 8 all of my siblings had questions we were kids. Finding out you were probably just born that way was something fundamental. Let’s excuse this by saying Atom wanted to hit on Boston.

Okay offense number 2. Your brother unexpectedly isn’t helping at he shop your family owns being extremely gloomy short curt. Do you ignore it? Hell no. Especially as the older sibling. Even on a selfish level let’s say my little sibling wasn’t doing her chores locked up in her room. I’d go get her out simply to get shit done even if I didn’t care about her problem. However as an older sibling I’d DEFINITELY care if this was a multi day thing which it must be. MEANWHILE CHEUM IS A GOOD FOUND FAMILY MEMBER TO MEW IN THIS VERY SCENE. I don’t think she’s the best with Boston and Ray but I think they could depend on her to some extent. She does feed them and make sure their work is done on time. So why can’t see be that level of empathic to her sibling? One of my older siblings did something unforgivable in my opinion years ago now and I stopped talking to them quietly. When I see them I don’t seek out interaction. Tell them my news when it’s necessary. Act happy and sweet to their children and them infront of everyone. BUT i would still probably help them out if needed because end of the day we are family. But hell Mew seemed more worried about Atom and he didn’t even see the kid hanging out with Boston. Who Cheum hardcore judges all the freaking time.

So what the fuck Cheum did Atom kick the family dog? Atom did Cheum screw your bestie? I’m really at a loss for these “siblings”.

[familyparadox]

Think About the Eliza Fitz Parallels. This is not even simply something unintentional but outright stated in Dead Romance. Like they are so similar but at opposite ends of the decade and the way being swept up into to time and scape in 1970 is do much different than being swept up into time and space than in 63. And I think the rest speaks for itself

Of course there are also Rose and Eliza Parallels both became god like beings which in the end would have killed them but Eliza died at the hands of her ‘Doctor’ whilst Rose was saved.

Eliza can been seen as the perfect 90’s Companion the bleakness and suffering.

Fitz a post war brit taken unwilling in to time and space and falls in love with their Doctor slowly over time in the end knowing more about Traveling in time and space than the Doctor. And having the orginal version of himself driven to hunt down the Doctor as some kind of Star Crossed Lover.

Eliza taken in to space and time and other universes by her first ‘Doctor’ Cwej thinking she would finally have a life which made sense only to end up finding out her life is a total lie and she was created to die but choosing to live and meeting her second ‘Doctor’ Justine at the start she knew more than her ‘Doctor’ did she was experienced she had gone in to other universes she had gone ‘out’ (ohh interesting parallel to Death Comes to Time Ace with her going ‘out’) but ending up far less experienced when her Doctor becomes a reincarnation of a messiah she hardly even believes in. She is her own dark reflection or prehpaes light she has Horus and he is who she dies as. As a god of a culture she has never interacted with and she dies at the hands of her ‘Doctor’.

Rose Tyler the companion of the 2000’s a new generation of companions. She was taken into time and space by her Doctor but when she finally became her light/dark reflection in the form of Bad Wolf she was saved unlike the other two one who was cloned by their doctor and the other killed by their ‘Doctor’. Rose lived. She is the companion not of the 90’s like the other two but of the 2000’s.

This is probably rather rambling and makes little sense as I am not that good at articulating this.

[omgkalyppso]

For the 30 questions ask meme:

5, 9, 11 for étoile!!!

And 4, 5 for whoever is your most recently played bg3 character 👀

Thank you for the ask!! (:

Étoile

5. Describe their idle animations!

Elbows to knee crunches. Meditating cross-legged (+ Mourning Frost laid across their lap after it's reforged). Reading cross-legged. Playing their flute (aaaabcbd. aaaabcbg).

9. What’s the significance behind your Tav’s name?

Étoile is the child of my skyrim dragonborn oc Wylla and the skyrim stolen-npc-now-oc-adjacent Aranea Ienith, who worshipped the Daedric Prince Azura and had a quest to cleanse Azura's Star. It is for this star that Étoile was named in that setting and in my thought process. In Faerûn, Étoile was named for the stars that Aranea would have come to love after having spent her youth in Menzoberranzan in the Underdark.

11. What is your Tav’s go-to comfort food?

You may be interested in the answer to their Favorite Foods from last night.

But I'll say something new.

I think when Étoile is tempted to seek out comfort food that they want something rich in different textures — so it can't be a homogeneous soup or pie. Still, this might be just an excuse for me to say some kind of tacos / taco-like dish, with crisp vegetables and soft fruit, protein and sauce, and something to hold it together.

Inithray

My most recently played Tav is for an ongoing evil multiplayer campaign with some of my usual dnd friends. They can't know about my full concept for him because they haven't even reached Act 2 in their personal playthroughs, but I like to think that Inithray is some manner of undead — and an experiment of Vlaakith's, to see how long such a creation of hers can "live" after an initial interaction of her magic, or how far her influence extends in the Great Wheel cosmology as he's sent to different planes.

He is magically and culturally, her creature. Nothing she could do would shock or shake him.

Inithray has resulted in the deaths of Damays and Nymessa so far. I asked the party if they wanted to save Arabella because if so they didn't want me / Inithray leading the conversation; and they decided that the way their characters want to be evil might extend no further than stealing the idol of Silvanus and killing the druids but not aligning with the Goblins. We'll see.

Anyway!

4. What would your Tav’s romance scenes look like? How many would they have?

A lot of the githyanki specific dialogue options demonstrate their isolation, which will be more appropriate for my solo (probably not evil aligned) Tav, Yar'sul, but don't exactly suit Inithray. I think Inithray would need githyanki player characters to demonstrate their aptitude / knowledge of their own culture at the very least, if not an understanding of the world. He's attracted to power, but he's interested in someone who can carry a conversation with interest or experience, rather than simply charm.

Regardless of player race, Inithray will doubtlessly also come on (too) strong like the other resident githyanki once his interest's been captured. His bluntness will be more about visions / fantasies about what the player character might look like in ecstasy rather than scent.

His Act 1 romance scene would include an observation about how cool / clammy he is, with a question as to whether that's because he's a gith from non-githyanki or if it's because he's from the astral plane from a githyanki. He'll say yes either way, with an Insight check to see that he's lying. If you press into his mind then you do not fully find your answer, but from Inithray's perspective you remember hands burning with the fire-ice of divine energy reaching into your heart. The player character can decide if this kills the mood.

If it doesn't, then I think the player character is given two opportunities to use force in their intimacy; maybe a default choice of pulling his hair / shoving him against the ground and some class specifics. With visible confusion (/disappointment?) if the player character is gentle with him.

His Act 1 romance scene can no longer trigger once the player character has confronted Vlaakith in the crèche.

Inithray's Act 2 romance scene does not trigger if the player character was gentle with him in Act 1 but it opens him up to being willing to reject Vlaakith in Act 3. You cannot use power (or logic) to alter his allegiance / worship while his romance is active.

His Act 2 romance scene includes a(n optional) challenge. I won't step too far on Lae'zel's battle's toes; it can be a race. Either from one landmark and back to the starting point, or up a mountain. If it's to a landmark and back then when you get to the landmark he gets to use his githyanki psionics to jump like a grasshopper back to the starting point, and if you're racing up a mountain then he does the same from the beginning. A Perception check to see that he's about to jump lets you use a spell or a rock on his ankle to set him off balance, or as a githyanki, to do the same.

Making it through the race gets him out of breath and half laughing, reaching out to run his hands up the back of the player character's head (falling to his knees to do so for shorter body types) to share adrenaline high kisses.

One of the options to reject his challenge includes an accusation about how he just wants to show off, and Inithray declares that if he wanted to show off then he would do something altogether darker, and call upon his warlock magic to coalesce in blue-black shapes and smoke around his hand and his temple, and the player character can respond "Show me." to still pursue the night rather than reject him outright.

His Act 3 romance scene would require me thinking up a personal quest / how to account for whatever the player decides to do about Vlaakith, but either it can be tentative and sweet where he confesses that he's confident that Vlaakith need only look at him for him to fall to pieces; or full of dark promises where he will see the player character's power secured and the city razed for its transgressions against them if they wish it.

5. Describe their idle animations!

Reading a book. Reading a slate. Juggling a ball in one hand while counting his fingers up and down on his opposite hand, "It's good for coordination." Dicing ingredients at a little alchemy table at his tent.

[klysanderelias]

Do you have a favorite Vtuber?

Please also tell us why.

All right, wall of text time.

The short answer is not exactly, I watch vtubers for a lot of different reasons. I have a shortlist, and I have one or two I actually spend money on supporting, but I don't think I could name a favorite. If you're looking for names, I'd shout out Finana Ryugu, Mai Tsukimiya, Hakos Baelz, and Pavolia Reine, with Mai Tsukimiya closest to 'favorite' based on my support/engagement.

Now, the long answer.

I follow vtubers for a couple of key things - body doubling, relaxation, let's plays, music, and 'other'. A lot of these don't really interact well - if I'm trying to find a comprehensive let's play of a game I want to experience, I'm looking for a different thing than when I'm trying to find something to put on when I'm going to sleep. Plus, there are a lot of vtubers who are part of an agency like Hololive or Nijisanji that have a certain level of obligation to play specific games, so suddenly everyone I follow is playing the new pokemon, or hitman, or (ugh) Hogwarts legacy, because the agency made a promotion deal. And it's important for me to remember a lot that Vtubing is a job, especially the bigger you get, and that's more than just 'I need to make money doing this.' It's also 'I have a boss who makes decisions about what I am and am not allowed to do, and if I say something on stream I may have to make a ten minute apology video if my handler decides it might hurt the brand.'

I do want to talk about that - I don't like a lot of the subculture that vtubers inhabit. I don't like the way that it vaguely reeks of 4chan memes, or how if you scratch the surface you'll find incredibly toxic and disgusting behavior in chat. I don't blame the streamer for basically any of it, but there are vtubers out there who play more into it that I would like much more if they didn't (basically anyone in vshoujo, but also gawr gura and amelia watson, for example). And I'm sure there's more that I don't know about because like, if they don't stream in english, I'm obviously not gonna know what they're saying unless it gets clipped and translated. I will say, Finana Ryugu specifically gets a pass from me, and I think if she streamed more games I was interested in, she might make it up to being my favorite. I will never forget her anger at her chat for calling certain gacha characters 'traps', and her banning the word from her stream, and then like a day later being forced to apologize for it. I've more or less given up on trying to find 'progressive' or 'leftist' vtubers because of the culture (plus y'know, no one talks politics or ideology at their job), but she strikes me as a genuinely kind and thoughtful person.

For the things I watch vtubers for, number one is probably body doubling - if you're not familiar with that term, it's basically 'having someone else in the room to help someone with ADHD start and execute tasks that they otherwise wouldn't be able to'. It's kind of like having a podcast on for me, or chatting with someone while doing the dishes. It's having the stream on in the background and not really paying much attention to it.

Next is relaxation - sometimes I'll put a streamer on just to fall asleep to. I don't do the ASMR stuff really, but just having noise on in the background helps me sleep, and there's a number of people who have very calming or pleasant voices. Ceres Fauna is a shoutout here - I think she's on the edge of the 'elmo voice' crowd, but she's great to fall asleep to.

I also listen to a lot of music from vtubers, either covers or original music. I'll voluntarily admit I like Mori Calliope - when she's not trying to be edgy or playing into the subculture, her music is genuinely good. In general I think vtubers shouldn't be forced to sing, but I have a bunch of songs from vtubers I listen to a lot.

Let's plays - obvious. I have to shout out Hakos Baelz' playthrough of Resident Evil Village, she struggles with horror games and her experience with RE8 was extremely fun to watch because she was able to enjoy herself and get through the scary parts. This is also what's hardest to find for me - there aren't a lot of vtubers who play the kind of games I'd like to see.

I also like listening to vtubers who stream in other languages - most non-english vtubers stream in Japanese, but I like listening to the indonesian streamers from nijisanji and hololive as well (and ID streamers like Reine and Moona have some extremely good songs).

There aren't many vtubers I actually support financially, I think the only one is Mai Tsukimiya. I think she's very sweet, is small enough that I feel like I'm supporting a person and not a company, and I've bought some of her merch and enjoyed it.

Anyway all of this is to say that it's complicated, but I follow a lot of let's players and vtubers and have Opinions about them.

This is different from a list of recommendations, though. I think everyone I've named (and quite a few I didn't) are worth checking out, but obviously there's a lot of variance in terms of what they stream, how they stream, etc.

[roboromantic]

Episode 18

I’ve always thought it’s neat how Twitch just kinda hovers around all the time in bot mode – we don’t really ever see that in other shows, at least not that I can remember. I wonder if Nightshade’ll do that too or if it’s just to keep her in frame when she’s with taller bots lmao. anyway flying sibling bonding time When

OH GEEZ YEAH THEY REALLY ARE GOING THERE. DAMN. that does answer my question of who Bee was fighting last episode tho

oh so he’s probably only mostly dead. got it. Still though, that imagery was straight out of a horror movie

oof. yikes

between the arms, near (?) death, and this coughing he’s getting very Grievous-esque

lmao yeah, if only

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH this is Good Shit but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OUGH I was just thinking earlier today abt there being an ep where their bond is gone for whatever reason and them having to deal with that, especially since the Terrans have never not had it                  that’s probably not really what they’re gonna get into here but it’s still neat to see it to some degree

Dot is gonna be Pissed.

I kinda hope this is gonna end up like Rescue Bots where the kids are free to interact with the residents of Witwicky, at least. imagine………….slice of life school episodes……………..learning more about their family cultures……………….literally anything except these poor kids being traumatized every other episode 😞

Good to know they live in a dystopia where your car apparently requires wi-fi to run and can be driven remotely by people hacking into it 😬

NOOOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭 baby

OUFGH THE POWER OF FAMILYU…………………………

They’re uh. They’re not creating an army of siblings, are they.

A HEEM HEEM……………WHIMPER…………………..

man I gotta say I do really hate how energon’s become like their Only food source. Like whatever happened to drinking oil. or gas. Beryllium baloney. hell, why don’t they ever explore the idea of finding/making a New kind of food – like how is ANYONE even getting energon on Earth anyway??? Is it growing here thanks to the Emberstone??? Being made from other energy sources like the G1 cartoon??? (Where Autobots didn’t even use energon at first, they got their energy from recharging chambers) Can it be grown like sugar crystals or something and harvested like in TFA??? Anyway some variety Please im Begging you. Isn’t it enough for energon to be a super powerful energy source. Back to the making new food thing I know they’ve done synth-en a couple times but that en still refers to energon so. Now researching the Terrans water stuff and seeing if they can figure out how to make something from THAT would be great.       ..................something something Twitch gamer girl bathwater. is that anything

Only vaguely related but I don’t think they’ve ever addressed the issue of how exactly they all got to Earth anyway. Prime’s talked to Teletraan 1 so presumably the Ark exists somewhere? maybe being repaired somewhere away from GHOST? but atm I think all we know is what Alex said about them arriving via an apparently pre-made space bridge(??????), and iirc in Alex’s story they all just kinda. Walked through it. Meaning no one got here via spaceship. Which makes me wonder if maybe the Ark is something that’s in the process of being created so someone can go check if Cybertron still exists and if so what the state of affairs is there.              

Actually it’d be a neat touch if the factions did arrive on their respective ships, but both were heavily damaged, and it’s only by working together (and maybe incorporating some Earth technology?) that they can use parts of both the Ark and the Nemesis to create a new ship for everyone (who wants to) to go home in.       going back to the “please let the kids chill” episode ideas like it’d be neat to see them all visit Cybertron and learn about Cybertronian culture(s. please more than one im Begging. Different Cybertronian languages. Religions. FOODS. Etc.)

A lot of this is just going off of what Alex said way back in what, episode 1? 2? And we’ve seen stuff in flashbacks that contradict his story, so it’s clearly not the most reliable source of info – but it’s pretty much all we’ve got.

sdfdkjghfsdjklfh like they aren’t gonna be all over the morning news

yeah I was gonna say, he’s doing pretty well for having like. All his energon drained.

Btw I think Cybertronian languages really oughta have different words for like. energon (crystal/mineral), energon (beverage), and energon (blood).  And maybe resolve the blue/pink thing by going with blue crystals (I feel like we’ve seen them more than pink ones?), pink blood (aka it’s definitely recognizable as a blood stand-in but is Legally not blood. just like Star Trek), and maybe bring back the rainbow for the beverage. You could definitely argue that beverage and blood could use the same word, but I feel like there should at LEAST be different words for different states of matter.   

Speaking of, I don’t think we’ve seen much in the way of energon as a gas except BotBots (where it’s also plasma (?) since it’s shown as lightning that hits the mall, which is then filled w/energon gas. Also bring back BotBots Please. or make them part of Earthspark as a new kind of Terran :ssbenis:) and I think that one episode of TFA where Optimus uses Swindles boobs to teleport. Or maybe that was another space substance, I don’t remember.

Hm that’s a lot of Not Much to do with the actual episode and a Lot of me just coming up with my own ideas for worldbuilding sdkf;jhsdkjf. sorry.

I noticed it before but I gotta say I love the bit of graffiti that just says “queso”

ooh interesting. Something something the Terrans are the natural result of Cybertron and Earth interacting and they need a similar naturally combined source of energy to survive, while Mandroid is now a forced, artificial combination of Cybertron and Earth stuff that needs artificial energon patches to survive.

Side note but were energon patches a thing before Rescue Bots? I don’t think they were. If that’s true then it’s neat to see Rescue Bots original stuff becoming part of the larger TF mythos :D Makes sense given that Nicole Dubuc and others worked on both shows

side side note but how exactly did humans end up with control of the energon supply anyway. did they ever mention something abt agreeing to that in return for a planet to live on or something and I just forgor?

I kinda wish they’d built up the return of Mandroid and his collaboration with what’s-her-face a bit more, but I guess this in-and-of-itself is setup for season 2.

Yeah WHO coulda seen THAT coming 😬😬😬

Btw did we uh. Ever see the aftermath of Hashtag & co.’s prison break? We saw Skullcruncher getting dragged back inside so I think we’re supposed to assume everyone got recaptured, but given there’ve been hints at Soundwave and Starscream being up to no good, it wouldn’t surprise me if it turns out they got away.

Especially since she’s like “they’re all disposable” and there’s this dramatic reveal of Hardtop, Skullcruncher I think, and …………………a bunch of empty cells. lmao

I thought Jawbreaker was gonna get his altmode this season bc I definitely saw a leak of I think a rough animatic that showed what it was, but I guess that won’t be ‘til next season. When is that btw bc I Need it.

I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned this yet but I Love the facial animations in the show, they’re really really good.

[the1975attheirverybest]

"One thing about Matty is that he knows that we as fans love him." This is actually something I've been thinking about all year and I hope I won't be offending anybody (this isn't meant to attack you or any of your lovely followers/ anons) And this might just be me projecting/ being way too parasocial myself so apologies if this is too negative. I really don't mean to make anybody feel bad but I really wonder if Matty didn't experience some sort of disconnect with the fans this year. Fan culture/ concert etiquette has changed a lot. We already know that going viral on TikTok and thus becoming more famous has been hard on him. He's expressed nonstop that it bothers him that so many fans film during their entire gigs - AND keep trying to provoke some kind of reaction out of him so they can go viral. People have been following the band around and stalking him personally, he's even been doxxed. Then ofc he got this extreme amount of backlash when he went on the podcast and people screaming for him to apologize/ apologize the way they personally seemed best (not saying people's feelings and criticisms weren't valid but I think we can all agree that it was very intense and lacked nuance), then we got very extreme reactions to him dating TS. And while our fans were much kinder/ more supportive, there was a loud majority complaining that we would "lose him" now cause he surely wouldn't be allowed to behave a certain way/ a loud majority trying to trivailize what happened ("Oh well, they were never gonna last, they're too different"/ "Let's be real, it was just sex. They can't have possibly been in love") and I feel that's pretty patronizing? We actually don't know what he felt for her/ hoped for or how it affected him to be dropped so publicly/ unceremoniously. Next we had a lot of fans immediately side w/ Rina when she shamed him in front of his whole industry at a festival he's been hoping to headline his whole life, fueling the same discussions/ outcries for him to apologize (same disclamer as above), Malaysia after-math, fans constantly begging for more social media posts but then getting offended/ finding fault in his posts (same disclamer as above) and even accusing him of predatory behavior because he possibly interacted with underage fans... Fans making up all sorts of rumors about him on twitter "for fun", believing Deuxmoi, accusing him of being in a PR/ fake relationship, complaining about ticketing/ tour dates, getting all anxious and worked up before the start of SATVB, expressing dread instead of excitement for the new show and begging him to "shut up, stop your bits and just sing" (same disclamer as above) fans being rude/ talking over him while he's doing his speeches/ performance art (and I also think he's pretty disappointed that people aren't really "getting it"), fans being so weird and grabby that he decided he doesn't feel comfortable taking off his shirt any longer, constant complaining about his hair/ facial hair, constant complaining about how much he interacts with the audiences, fans having the audacity to complain that he was sick/ tired/ emotional during certain performances... the list goes on and on. Again, sorry if this is all very negative and probably too parasocial (and way too long) but I felt really disheartened at all the negativity and entitlement this year. It was a very hard year for him and whenever I go through a hard time I am much more sensitive/ tend to feel unloved if criticised (however justified). I really hope he still feels loved and like we're "getting him".

No you’re right. Idk I always wonder how he feels because there are moments when he seems to think that things aren’t as serious as they are (like the Twitter backlash) and times when he seems to know very well what the conversation within the fandom is.

I think he gets it. (Tempted to uno reverse his own words and say “he gets us.”) because as much as he’s seen stupid / toxic fan behavior he’s also seen real fandom. Like the Vienna show fans who held up “you are loved” signs and he thanked them for it. And then the fan who asked him “how are you? Like how are you, really??” And he said it was sweet but not to worry. And he always says “we love you guys and we’re still us, we’re still here” etc. and crying cuz he saw a fan cry. I think he experiences both extremes. And it must be a lot and confusing to process because yeah people love you but then there are those who do so for all the wrong reasons and how do you separate those and when do you engage or disengage. Which is why I don’t blame him when he gets a bit defensive or whatever. Bless him.

Not to be weird and start drama but I felt his presence in the room (tell me why I sound like I’m talking about a ghost) at the Baltimore show. Which he said was the best show they’d done. And I genuinely think it’s because we didn’t have that many phones out etc. he and I interacted a couple times so he definitely sees, appreciates, and engages with those fans who are genuinely there for the band and for the live show and not the tiktok discourse. He knows. It’s just a lot to process alongside all the other stuff. Must be hard.

[jjambongfilm]

Past Lives..

Code switching – the practice of switching one’s language or dialect depending on context - is often used in diasporic cinema to explore cultural identity, depicting the shifting insider and outsider roles of the characters as they feel embraced by one language and alienated by another. 

Take Return to Seoul, a film about French-Korean adoptee Freddie who goes back to her birth nation and attempts to find her biological family. Freddie doesn’t speak Korean, an immediate barrier between her and her birth father. It’s her aunt and the little English she speaks that allows Freddie to communicate with him, translating and mistranslating her words to humorous and poignant effect. In this way, language barriers are presented not as a source of conflict but as an opportunity for empathy - by speaking in an unfamiliar language you make yourself vulnerable in order to understand one another and bring the outsider in.

Past Lives is another diasporic Korean film released this year to critical acclaim. The story centres around Nora, a Korean girl who immigrates to Canada at 12 years of age. As an adult studying in NYC, she reconnects with childhood sweetheart Haesung, a grainy image on skype, her accent markedly different to the child she was 12 years ago. 

Like many diaspora, English is the language she had to learn in order to assimilate, to work and study, whilst her native language Korean is reserved for the people closest to her. It’s odd then that Nora largely dismisses her white husband Arthur’s attempts to learn Korean. When he asks her something in Korean, she replies in English - she neither encourages his efforts nor helps him improve. It’s clear that Nora likes to keep Arthur as an outsider, not fully letting him into her world. 

When Haesung arrives in New York and meets Arthur, they attempt to communicate by speaking in each other’s language; Haesung in broken English, Arthur in broken Korean. It’s probably one of the best scenes in the film - two people making an effort to understand each other for the sake of the woman they both love, yet we feel none of the same empathy from Nora.

After Nora and Haesung go on a day trip to do touristy stuff around New York, it’s revealed that she’s never been to the statue of Liberty with Arthur. ‘You should take your husband,’ says Haesung in Korean. Nora doesn’t bother translating this to Arthur. What could have been a genuine moment of connection between the three ends up feeling like they’re just being mean to the white guy, which only gets worse as the film goes on.

The deliberate exclusion of the white man through language does not de-centre the white gaze but in fact centres it completely. Arthur gets undoubtedly the best lines of the film - he was written to garner the audience’s sympathy which is evident on film review platform Letterboxd where many thought that he was the best character. Yes, he shows tenderness and understanding of how Nora feels towards Haesung, and his attempts to speak Korean are sweet. But what does it say about a Korean-American film when the white supporting actor plays the most memorable character?

It really feels like Past Lives could have leveraged its bilingual nature to impart greater humanity and vulnerability to Nora and flesh out her complex cultural identity. In director Celine Song's words it was important that actor Greta Lee (who plays Nora) didn’t improve her Korean for the film in order for her to sound more ‘childlike’, but there’s nothing childlike about the words she uses. When your mother tongue becomes your second language, there’s so many complex ideas that you can’t express, forever tongue-tied, wanting to say something more than mundane niceties but simply not having the language to do so. Yet when Nora speaks Korean to Haesung, she does it with ease, never stumbling over her words. She briefly alludes to her Korean-American friends, but where are they? We basically don’t see her interact with her family as an adult either, we have no idea how she speaks to them or the person she becomes around them. The fact that Nora barely exists outside her relationships to the two men detracts from the emotional intensity of what’s supposed to be a bittersweet farewell of everything that could have been.

‘You dream in a language I can’t understand. There’s like this whole place inside of you where I can’t go.’ says Arthur to Nora. This seems to sum up the film’s stance on code switching - white people get upset when their non-white spouse speaks a different language around them. The use of multiple languages in film has so much potential to show empathy and connection between people from different backgrounds, but Past Lives feels flat due to Nora’s lack of characterisation and empathy, made all the more ironic considering she’s the director’s self-insert.

As a British-Korean bilingual, I’m hungry for good stories about the diaspora that examine how we use language in an interesting way. Let’s hope the next big film does.