#Inside the Shell(About)
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consider,,,a lucanis who is in love with emmrich, a spite who is in love with rook, a rook in love with emmrich, and emmrich who is in love with all three but wants lucanis, spite, and rook to get together because he feels he is not the type of man any of them deserve...
bonus points for spite being the one to realize just what sort of love quadrilateral is going on and is the one to get them all together.
#the angst potential alone#if i can convince my brain to write something other than smut i will in fact consider writing this#JUST. THEM BEING SO MESSY.#SPITE REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS GETTING CLOSER TO LUCANIS TO TRY AND SWAY ROOK INTO FALLING FOR THEM#LUCANIS REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS IN LOVE WITH ROOK AND DECIDING EMMRICH'S HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT#SO HE CONSIGNS HIMSELF TO HIS UNHAPPINESS#Rook could also be in love with all three in this scenario but i think it'd be SO FASCINATING for it to be Emmrich!!#Emmrich lamenting that he found the people he loves at a time he believes to be too late#consigning himself to a bachelor's life. he has his studies he has manfred he's content#and then he meets lucanis who is EXACTLY the type of man he fancied as a young man#Someone with so much heart but some rougish charm. appearing cold but so fucking warm under the surface. misunderstood perhaps#the same way he and death are#and so he is smitten. taken by this man and his watchful eye and his steady hands. fascinated by the demon living inside him#the demon who is so curious about this world. who craves to live and understand and emmrich who at his core wants nothing more than to TEAC#and rook. gods emmrich not having the same instant attraction as he did to lucanis but it all hitting him in the chest one night#reckless rook who takes blows they could have dodged to protect him. who always treats his necromancy with respect and curiosity#rook who always reaches out to touch him but stops their hand just shy of making contact. rook who is uncertain but willing to try#rook who is YOUNG and full of possibility and deserves more than whatever shell emmrich believes himself to be#i am just!!!!!!! do you see my VISION#something can happen here!! i'm fucking telling ya'll!!!!!#emmrich volkarin#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age rook#dragon age veilguard#lucanis x emmrich#lucanis x rook#spite x rook#emmrich x rook#emmrich x lucanis#emmrich x rook x lucanis
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every now and then i get folks asking me "puff do you have any opinions on hazbin hotel"
and i know why they're asking because if there's any fandom that puts LO to shame, it's hazbin hotel / helluva boss and surely i must have some Very Strong Opinions(tm) about the show
but i seriously have never watched a single episode of that show and despite all the controversy and drama i've seen come from the discussion of both the show and its creator, the only thing that really bugs me out of the blue when i'm reminded HH exists are those exclusive playbills that people pre-ordered months ago and still haven't arrived
that is it, that is literally the extent of my engagement with the HH fandom, there will be no further questions about what i think regarding HH because i literally have no idea, they are best asked to whoever comes close to being the generic-puff equivalent of the HH fandom
#i'm not even gonna use the HH tags here because i don't want to invite the ire of anyone from that fandom#that's not an insult or anything i'm just not at all interested in the show so i'm subsequently not interested in the extended discourse#this is just me admitting that every couple months i remember the playbill thing#and then i google āhazbin hotel playbillsā to see if the playbill saga has concluded#it apparently still hasn't and the longer it goes on the funnier it gets#but i'm also not anyone with money and wasted time on the line so i don't want to be a dick about it lmao#like this is a very sucky situation and i'm sorry to those who are involved in it#this is very similar to the Fallout76 rum bottle debacle#where the developers promised a Fallout-brand bottle of rum that was clearly going to be made of glass#and then when people finally got it it was just a bottle of shitty rum stored inside a cheap plastic shell case#i hope the wait is worth it for ppl who pre-ordered the playbill but also who the fuck keeps fans waiting MONTHS for a PAMPHLET ??? š#it's so funny i'm sorry lmaooo
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A few turtley doods from my sketchbook.
Those last disaster twins were inspired by @tangledinink's Gemini Twins AU's because I think about them like, at least thrice a week. They live rentfree in my head. Running and giggling.
#lets!! not! forget! box turtles shells close off completely!!#mikey is so SMALL. this turtie tot.... i want to shove it inside my mouth and eat it like a Tortuguita TM (Arcor)#i'm sorry one of my favorite things on Earth is to project my childhood nonverbalness into Donnie#i also think pretty often about that time someone twitted projecting their menstrual cramps into Raph 'n the post got 1k+ likes and#nobody questioned it at all#i myself just thought it was so natural of Raph like sure that's canon 100%#he's just#so he/she if you know what i mean#mikey rottmnt#donnie rottmnt#leo rottmnt#raph rottmnt#tmnt fanart#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#turtle tots#traditional art#masterpiece
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When Steph and Cass get married they donāt take the last name Brown (Daddy Issuesā¢ļø) or Cain (Daddy Issues Primeā¢ļø) or even Wayne (Steph absolutely REFUSES to become a Wayne nosirree), but a secret fourth thing (Gordan).
#BARBRA GORDON IS CASSā MAMA AND TO AN EXTEND STEPHāS TOO OKAY#yes Steph still has Crystal but yall can NOT tell me she didnt lowkey look up to Babs as a secondary mom figure#the only one who is in on the jig is Kate bc shes officating the whole thing bc DUH and the way she fucken WHEEZZEEDDD when Steph explained#the way Kate would stand at the podium and anounce with such a smug grin#looking DIRECTLY at Bruce#āI pronounce youā¦. MRS STEPHANIE AND MRS CASSANDRA GORDAN!ā#the sheer fucken UPROARRRR#Steph LAUNCHES herself into Cassā arms and kisses her senselessly as her now wife effortlessly carries her in a bridal carry#babs takes a second to process before instantly losing her NIND bc oh these crazy kids did NOT no no shes not crying#(she is. she so is. her date Dinah is handing her a hankerchief)#the batbros minus dami are hollering and cheering bc YEAHHHH STICK TO THE MANNNN#dami himself is dismissive and muttering about how could anyone throw away the wayne name like this#(on the inside he actually thinks this is pretty funny and must admit Barbraās last name is a worthy rival to the Wayne name)#Bruce. Bruce is stunned. shell shocked. this girldad just lost his fav kid his princess#Jim is just having a damn good time bro is clapping Bruce on the back and having a good laugh over it all#also does this mean he has two honorary grandkids? no? well suck it bruce theyre my grandkids now#the other gothmanites who were invited like the birds of pret or the gotham city sirens are also all clowning on Brucie Boy#dc#stephcass#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#batfam
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Date night <3
#my man brian info dumping so hard about something Ben has never heard of#TTCC#toontown corporate clash#Bellthinker#Prethinker#Bellringer#Benjamin Biggs#Davy Draws#edit: realizing that there's no context as to why brian's arms look like that#I picture him looking like one of those transparent plastic game consoles where you can see the inner workings inside through the shell
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sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all
My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.
#Its so shocking whenever anybody mentions that fic to me#like its just such a specific combo of interests how are there this many people interested in it...#I have some fragments of unfinished chapters for it laying around but I was struggling to get them to work#and I definitely dont have the motivation to finish them now#If youre curious the chapters were going to be Slaughter avatar miss Power and Web avatar Mr Big#and possibly Flesh avatar Butcher but I never got around to starting that one#The Miss Power chapter was basically going to be about her having kind of lost her thread#I wanted to leave a lot of ambiguity as to what happened with her home planet#but she hadnt been in contact with them for agessssss and her radio is damaged and her ship is in bad shape#the chapter was just going to be her being like 'pfff I dont interpersonal connection Im doing great out here. Murdering. All on my own'#Well she has her little squirl thing but she treats him like an animal#mr giggle cheeks or whatever#anyway I wanted it to imply that whatever happened her bloodthirst was destroying her#The Mr Big chapter was from Lesley's perspective#She would have been one in a long long line of assistants that Mr Big went through like candy#Lesley is his favorite though because. while she is terrified of him. shes still willing to push him. to be honest with him#but she also knows exactly when to step off. when to lie to appease him#( its always a tossup as to whether he wants a sweet lie or the harsh truth that day. He can always tell either way#its a gamble he does to be cruel. She always picks right though. or maybe he's more lenient with her than he should be)#He likes that she knows exactly how to push him without ever stepping over the line#He likes that her guilt and revulsion are slowly eating her up inside but shes too selfish to leave#She likes being special. She likes the idea of ruling the world alongside him#She'll always be second in command but shell be so much higher than everyone else#and shes willing to do anything to get that#Mr big doesnt think shell ever make it that far#but he likes her anyway#shes the one assistant he'll be sad about dying#OK damn apparently I did still have things to say about this old fic DAMN#still not gonna finish it tho. they call me the struggler becaus.e writing is a struggle...
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i hate when advanced technology looks streamlined
sorry you're telling me you have all these beautiful pieces, wiring, motors, lights, cameras, wheels, axels, gears, circuit boards, resistors, servos, potentiometers, speakers, buzzers, all this cool-ass fucking shit, working in tandem together, and you wanna hide her inside an edgeless white cube?
do you not understand the poetic power that comes with seeing so many different parts all working together towards a common goal, every single piece of her being spirring to life, each job so simple yet so important to enabling her to speak the words "i love you"???
and you want to hide all that away, as if the sterile cube can love by nature? NO! it's what's inside her that lets her love you idiot!
SHOW IT! let her nature be bared to everyone. show to her that this is a place of joy and acceptance where her insides are free to be outside and nothing is hidden.
#i got a good long look at the inside of an ohm meter recently and i just about passed out#please don't tell the cis guys at robotics club#if they knew i wanted to fuck these things i wouldn't last the day#ya know this actually started out just being about technology and shit but halfway through i started thinking about robot girls again#idunno how seriously people are gonna take this but i actually do really like robot designs with the plastic shell and all that#but my personal love will always be robots where everything about them is plain to see#actually wait maybe there's a middle ground#clear plastic shell#her pieces are protected but everything is visible
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Just read through A Glitch in Time for the first time and it woke up the Danny Phantom brain rot. I came up with this world building head cannon but I have no idea if it's already been thought up in the years since I was last in the fandom. So I figured I'd share it and see if there's like already fics or posts about it.
No A Glitch in Time spoilers in this!
So my idea is that the Ghost Zone isnāt so much another dimension but instead another location in Earthās dimension. Specifically the liquid mantle of Dannyās earth isnāt made up of magma but instead ectoplasm. The Ghost Zone is the center of their planet.
Thatās why if you blow up the center of the ghost zone the human world goes too. Or if you hit the human world with an asteroid the ghost zone goes. Because the human world is just the outer shell of the ghost world.
Fell down a rabbit hole and apparently this is already a physics question? Link Itās called the Shell Theorem and basically youād float anywhere in the hollow shell planet because you are being equally pulled from the edge closest to you and farthest from you. In our case the hollow shell if filled with ectoplasm instead of like empty air.
It would explain why gravity is āoptionalā in the zone. Because the closer you get to the gravitational center the more the rules of gravity get wonky. If youāre standing on a floating rock in the zone thereās gravity to hold you to the rock, but jumping off of it means you just float there. The ghost zone rocks move because earth is spinning and that shifts around the ectoplasm soup the lairs are floating in.
The Ghost Zone is usually depicted with a spiral or spherical layout. Newer lairs farther out and the oldest lairs farther in. I know thereās already headcanons about whatās at the center or core of the ghost zone. But the point is everything in the zone is floating around this central point making it very easy to move the ghost zone map into the center of a globe. Easier than saying itās a parallel dimension when one is confined to a flat plane and the other builds upward and outward in all directions. The infinity map always confused me with that fact that it's a flat scroll instead of like Treasure planetās space map.
When someone dies the intangible soul is no longer anchored to the surface of the planet. The Soul is pulled through the solid crust layer pulled towards the center of the planet and if they have a strong enough āpurposeā they gather enough ectoplasm to form a ghost around that core purpose. If a ghost core isnāt formed to collect ectoplasm around the soul to form a ghost body the soul gets pulled all the way to the center of the planet where it stops because gravity is pulling it equally from all directions. All the souls clump together to form KINGDOM HEARTS!!! Sorry wrong fandom. But it probably holds onto the souls until a new body is born in a form of reincarnation. Jack NightingGale is my only point for this. But like itās literally Jack Fenton only 200 years ago.
Ghosts that finish their unfinished business or āfadeā simply release their soul from their ghost cores so they can return to the core of the zone and rejoin the reincarnation cycle again. You donāt want to carry hangups from your past life into your next one so the zone is supposed to be a chance to work through those. Thatās why even tho ghosts donāt ādieā of old age there are more young ghosts than older ghosts.
The reason ghost activity was low to non-existant before the Fenton portal is because of how much energy/ectoplasm a ghost had to use to get through the solid crust layer. There isnāt a lot of ectoplasm on the surface usually so they couldnāt replenish what they spent on the trip. You had to be an insanely strong ghost or save up a large amount of ectoplasm to be able to make the trip and then make your form visible and physical on the surface. So the only ones who did were ones that had to come up because of their purpose which leads to the assumption all ghosts have āunfinished businessā. They also had to pick and chose what they spent energy on. Physically touching things and pushing things over, or being transparent and slightly visible to the living. Willowisps or floating balls of light were only their cores visible with the ghost not having the strength to form a full body of ectoplasm in the human world.
Natural portals were basically random volcano explosions and rarely used because you didnāt know when the eruption would end. If the portal closes and youāre stuck on the surface you might not have enough energy for the long way back. Also they spit you out in a random location and time. Any ghost with a strong desire to return to the human world have a specific place in mind.
Amity Park is YellowStone. A place where a pocket of magma in this case ectoplasm is extremely close to the surface. The Fentonās poked that pocket otherwise there wouldnāt have been enough ectoplasm for the portal to pull from initially. Thatās why the college portal fizzled out so quickly it pulled in all the nearby ectoplasm and then just died off like a fire without wood. The Amity portal is a geyser spewing ecto energy into the town and an Express Elevator all rolled into one. Ghosts can now make it to the surface without spending all their ectoplasm to do it and then thereās enough ambient ectoplasm to keep them stable for a while before having to return to the Zone. So weaker ghosts like the lunch lady and box ghost use it. Ghost animals like the ectopi and Cujo use it. Ghosts like Ember and Skulker who could feed their obsessions just fine in the zone use it cause at the end of the day thereās more humans than ghosts on the planet.
But the āniceā ghosts stay in the zone because they donāt feed on feelings that are hard to get. Frostbite āfeedsā on the feeling of safety or calmness of his tribe. There is no reason to leave the far frozen to accomplish this so he doesnāt. Pandora doesnāt feed on emotions but her soul purpose is to protect her box so no one ever opens it again. Again no reason to leave the zone.
The Next bit got a little rambly with me explaining my thoughts on ectoplasm=calories for ghosts and how that affects fights and dannyās powers. So Iām just gonna like make that a second post? Sorry this one got long.
Tldr; What if the ghost zone was the liquid mantle part of Danny Phantom's Earth?
Like I said I donāt know if folks have already talked around this idea. Heck I might have read a post about it years ago and forgot. The main headcanon I remember is the spiral ghost zone where lairs spiral out from the center of the zone like a galaxy. But I know the Phandom has combed over every frame of the show at this point. So Iād love it if ghost planet core headcanons are already out there and yall can share some links. Or if thereās any thoughts youād like to add to the idea. Please do!
#danny phantom#ghost zone#dp headcanons#phandom#a glitch in time#i don't know what else to tag sorry#this all snowballed from thinking about how hades and hell are supposed to be below the earth#i then fell down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out#what would happen gravity wise if you were inside the earth#and oh look shell planet is apparently a thing that exists#either way guess i'm writing headcanons for the dp fandom again#i'll make the ghost calories post tomorrow lol
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Why is it that people accept that someone can be certain they want to end up in a relationship, yet they can not accept the idea that a person can be certain don't want a relationship?
#asexual#aromantic#ace spectrum#aromantism#queer#lgbt#lgbt+#aroace#im just late night thinking about how my brother is always like#/maybe one day youll realise u want a relationship and thats okay/#any time i mention even the slightest thing thats barely even connected to being aroace#yet if i had told him i was bi or gay he would never say any of that#why can people be certain they want a relationship yet others can not be certain they dont#its bullshit#and im just fucking tired#i understand the whole amatonormativity#i get how our society and media has impacted our way of thinking and acting#i just need to scream this into the void#or it would eat my up inside till the shells started cracking
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pre-holiday leave crumbs
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it#anyways. tomorrow I Travel#The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed#three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying)#goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn#anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours#until I gotta get up for car time#kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct#20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it#I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it#oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop#in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here#hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them)#also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl'#it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that#literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however#anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo#have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again#eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day
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do you. want to talk about body horror with tsams eclipse? cause boy howdy im having thoughts
YES I WOULD LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THAT ACTUALLY!!!!
Eclipseās entire existence is body horror to me in a way I canāt quite properly convey. He never had his own body, he was always inhabiting someone elseās, and the only time he ever looked like himself when was he was cloaking someone elseās body with the star which hurt him badly.
Heās a direct split of Moon, so when he first woke up, he looked at himself and knew he looked wrong. He heard himself and knew he sounded wrong. And never again from that point forward does he ever get to relish in that feeling of a right body again. He justā¦ gets used to being wrong. He gets used to having a flawed existence.
I had a whole ramble about this in my friendās discord and I talked about how it probably only amplifies his control issues too, because while it may be one thing to control the people around you and the person you possess, itās another thing to control how you look I think. Like maybe my āEclipse can be used as a trans metaphorā is showing here, but I truly donāt think it ever helped him to look at his hands and know they arenāt his.
Like, surely there had to be moments where it occurred to him that he had never lived in a body that was built for him, meant for him, and looked like him. Surely there had to be moments where the feeling of always being the unwelcome other in a body crushed him. Surely he had to think at least once that it would be nice to have a body that is a home rather than a temporary stepping stone to survival.
As far as Eclipse is concerned, all having a body is body horrorā¦ā¦..
#asks#crack-a-lackin-max#SORRY THIS IS SMTH IāM KINDA PASSIONATE ABOUT HAHAHA#Like. listen I am DEFINITELY projecting my own feelings here#but i love to imagine that eclipse could sometimes feel like thereās a sort of clawing inside him#that /himself/ is just right under the surface of this incorrect casing#that if he could just shatter the shell that encases him then heād see the black and red and orange of his own true body#but he knows better#he /knows/ that no amount of clawing at himself and staring in the mirror will change another personās body#and it makes the feeling all the more unbearable#OKAY SORRY. IM NORMAL NOW HAHA#xero thoughts and rambles#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#tsams#sams eclipse#eclipse sams#eclipse
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Okay so I have one episode of the newsreader left to watch and Dale is breaking my heart
#i knew he was gonna be pretty dead inside by the end of the season because i had seen gifs and stuff#but i assumed that it would be a slow progression throughout the whole season#what I was not expecting was for him to get more and more depressed in the first few episodes#and then for one(1) thing to happen and for that to just be his final straw that causes him to shatter#holy shit that was so sad to watch#heās broken#like that really fucking broke him#heās so dead inside#he feels like an entirely empty shell and itās devastating to watch#i canāt even be mad at helen because sheās got her own shit sheās going through#and also i understand her#its all just so sad#idk if i can survive watching another episode#or season 3 when that comes out#god i was not emotionally prepared to care about this show as much as i do#the newsreader#dale jennings#sam reid#helen norville#anna torv#kate's post
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% ŃŠµŠŗŃŠµŃŠ½ŃŠ¹ Š“Š½ŠµŠ²Š½ŠøŠŗ Š»ŠµŠ²Ń ŠŠ Š§ŠŠ¢ŠŠ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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leon being yoinked like a tokay in the florida everglades (iykyk)
except his sleep stays uninterrupted.
leon, not exactly in his natural habitat, but in his territory. asleep, drowned in his blankets and out like a light for once in his life. maybe it's the exhaustion, maybe it's the funky bottle of purple liquid he tried out. it was prescribed, it's okay. no, please don't tell hunnigan-
dead to the world. a trial run. somehow, these thoughts manage to squirm their way into his REM sleep. purgatory.
of course, the time he's able to get some solid sleep, he's still haunted by macabre dreams. thankfully not quite a nightmare, but still.... unnerving? uncomfortable? where's the fuckin unicorns and magic rainbow clouds and glitter and shit?
maybe he has some awareness that he is asleep. lucid dreaming, even. and... he doesn't really get much control over it. it's a real bitch to get his mind to listen....
while he's struggling against his own brain...
yoink. on the outside world, leon's too far into that purgatory dreamscape to even know he's being dragged from his bed. any flicker of light that disrupts the dreary atmosphere only blends back in.
weightlessness, pressure against his limbs. it never registers as anything beyond a nuisance while he's dealing with other matters. like trying to conjure something nicer than grey skies, goddamn it.
#leon whump ideas#whump#i am a comfy leon truther#he would so have thousands of pillows and blankets and plushies that he DEFINITELY doesn't have he's holding them for a friend#he's a hard man with a soft squishy insides... like meat inside of a shelled animal!#i feel like he'd be a lil self conscious about having a plushie or two... cozy mountain with blankies? no shame there#cool guys can have plushies...... sad and unsure whimper from leon#wait this post is about bullying leon-
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fear papa t ..
His greatest fear?
Failing his children
#pea art#ask#about my ocs#digital art#oc Teuflisch#oc Felix#baby oc#my art#my ocs#ocs#oc#my oc#my characters#original character#original characters#blood tw#gore tw#death tw#he lets this fester in his being until it rots him from the inside#Is he crying blood? yes. like I said. heās rotting. heās an immortal shell that can only spread the disease that is him#anyways. tiny naked baby Felix
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