#Indefinitely Wild Series

[ahundredtimesover]

Title: Please Love Me Drabble Bonus (10) - I want this so much.

WC: 12,663

Tags/Warnings: foul language; alcohol consumption; talks of pregnancy, explicit sexual content (kissing, dirty talk, fingering, breast play, overstimulation, oral (m & female receiving), straddling, unprotected penetrative sex), lots of fluff; Seven JK (18+)

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A/N: Hi. I’m on a break from my indefinite break. Seven JK was a burst of inspiration (so were his WeLives bc dreamy househusband alert!) and PLM!JK definitely has reasons to f*ck his wife seven days a week. So please enjoy this fluff piece because it’s happening!💕

“Babe, is the curling iron still on?”

Your husband calls out from the walk-in closet behind you, and you yell out your yes as you place the item in question on the dresser, ruffling your hair up a bit and styling it as you wish. 

You're so immersed in trying to figure out what look you want to go for that you don’t immediately notice Jungkook standing next to you, iron in hand as he curls the edges of his smooth locks. When your eyes flit to him, you’re momentarily hypnotized, your movements stopping for a few seconds before you’re able to regain your bearings and decide on a loose bun to match the low-back satin dress you have on. 

“You okay there, babe?” Jungkook asks as he picks up on your silence, with you seemingly avoiding looking at him. 

You nod in response and he smirks, feeling like he knows what’s got you acting like this. He’s known for a while that he affects you in a certain way; your trip to Busan not long ago reinforced that, given the way your body reacted to everything he did at your command. But still, knowing that he makes you flustered even with clothes on gives him that boost of confidence and that air of cockiness that he knows you adore. 

“Are you sure?” He asks again, turning to look at you while you keep your eyes on the mirror.

You finally face him and release a deep sigh. “You look really good,” you admit, your cute little frown melting all the knots in his body. 

“Why do you make it sound like it’s a bad thing?” He chuckles, flashing you that boyish smile that he also knows drives you wild. 

“Because…” you start, your arms crossed now to establish some distance. “I’m gonna have to control myself around you and behave but that’s hard when you look… like that.”

“Who says you have to control yourself and behave? You’re my wife and you have my permission to keep your hands on me any time and you know, misbehave or something,” he cheekily responds, his smug face making you want to smack his chest and pull his hair out of lust and frustration. 

“We’ll be in public, Kook!”

“Tae booked a private club, though.”

You frown at his teasing but it only urges your husband to tease even more. 

“They also have private rooms so when you absolutely cannot help yourself, we can always get one and maybe I’ll let you put on a show for me. Or I can do that, it depends if you still have yourself together by then.”

“Kook! You’re not helping,” you pout, and much as he wants to keep going, he also just wants to wrap his arms around you and that’s what he does, pulling you close and softly smiling at you. 

“I’m kidding. Sort of,” he chuckles. “But we can also just skip the party and stay in, you know? I’ll keep my clothes on until you take them off me, or until you ask me to, just like last time,” he smirks now. “And we can just do whatever we want. You won’t have to worry about controlling yourself or anything.”

“Tempting, but we did promise Taehyung that we’d come tonight,” you say, wrapping your arm around his neck while you fix the strands of his hair, knowing the style he wants to go for. “Opening an art gallery is kind of a big deal. And I am a featured artist in his collection so we absolutely have to be there.”

“I know,” Jungkook says. “I won’t hear the end of it if we skip it. But at least I’ve got a reason to swap the business wear for something different. And you know, fluster my wife because of it, make her speechless and tell me I look good.”

“Ah, is that what you expected to happen,” you arch an eyebrow, feeling called out because that’s definitely what happened. 

He’s always been a little cocky but he’s amped it up recently and you’re not complaining; he has all the reasons to be. You know he knows that you love it when he is. 

“Well, I actually expected you to be on my lap right now, marking me all over and moaning out curses,” he chuckles, his laughter increasing in volume as your face distorts in feigned annoyance once more. “But I guess the outfit isn’t sexy enough.”

“Now you’re just pushing it,” you playfully smack his chest. “You don’t even wear tight clothes like this. You always said they made you feel stuffy.”

Pulling away to fully absorb Jungkook’s look, you smack yourself internally for even attempting to take him all in, only because of all the scenarios playing in your head right now. And he’s right, being on his lap and claiming him as you cuss out your pleasure is what you would be doing if you weren’t running late. But you are, and acting out all your desires would have to wait. 

“Well, since I married you, Mrs. Jeon, I’ve become quite the observant man,” he boasts. “I pick up on what turns you on and I use it to my advantage. You loved it when I had the sleeves of my white shirt rolled up and this is just the tight fit version of it.” 

Much as you want to kiss him right now, you can’t help but soften at his words. He is observant, especially when it comes to things you like about him. You remember how he’d started buying colored and patterned tops after your honeymoon years ago because you said you liked them on him. Recently, you notice that he’s been wearing jeans for his casual wear a lot more now, and how he’s kept his hair the specific length that you once said you loved on him. 

His best friends say that Jungkook was always just content on his monochromatic sweats and hoodies because they’re comfortable and don’t require much thinking when he decides to put them on, and so knowing that he keeps you in mind when he dresses up is quite sweet, especially knowing that he doesn’t really care what people say unless it’s you. And if you show that it’s something you like, Jungkook will definitely keep doing it to make you happy. 

“And the leather pants?” You ask.

“Jimin suggested it, said it fits more with a plain white shirt than jeans for a club. Do you like it?” He wonders, looking anxious, as if there’s anything he wears that you don’t like. Maybe except for this one university shirt that has holes on them that he still wears. 

“Of course I do, hun,” you say, wrapping your arms around his waist now. “You look like the sexiest, most beautiful man alive but I also don’t mind if you just wore whatever you wanted. You’ll look gorgeous either way.”

“Well, some people dress for themselves, and some people also don’t mind, like me. I’ll wear anything that’s comfortable, as long as it makes my wife happy.”

“But this outfit makes me horny though.”

Jungkook smirks before licking his lips, and right when you think he’s gonna kiss your mouth as he leans forward, he goes for your neck instead, sucking a bit of flesh before he trails upwards with soft pecks towards your ear.

“That’s better,” he whispers, sending shivers all over you that he definitely feels, earning you a teasing chuckle. 

He turns to face you and sees the desire in your eyes, and he knows you’d both break eventually but still, he states, “I don’t wanna mess your lipstick, baby.”

“I don’t care,” you moan, feeling the wetness pool between your thighs now, and your words prompt Jungkook to crash his mouth against yours to taste the lust that’s expressed all over your body. 

He tastes of mint cherry and yearning and smells of deep vanilla and ecstasy. His hands trail down to your ass that he ardently squeezes while yours travel towards his hair, the soft pulls eliciting moans from him, as your hips meet his thrusts the same way that your tongue battles against his, desperate and impassioned, your beings melding into one. 

Time feels frozen as it’s just you and him. Until your phone starts ringing, incessantly, and it registers to you that it might be Nari, who you’d promised to pick up on the way to the club. 

You pull away, telling your husband that you both have to go. 

“Well, at least your lipstick’s not completely messed up,” he hums.

“Yeah, but my underwear is,” you groan, and it’s your pout and scurry towards your closet that lets Jungkook know that you’re serious. Your little make out session did turn you on and if it wasn’t for a disruption, maybe you would be on his lap right now just as he expected - more like dreamed. 

“I take it back,” he states, walking towards the bathroom where you now are. “I think the outfit’s sexy enough, don’t you think?”

You enter the private club that Taehyung booked for the party and spot less familiar faces than the official opening of the art gallery earlier in the week. Given, tonight is specifically for the fashion and entertainment crowd, a strategic decision for him who wants to attract patrons other than the usual from the art and business fields. It’s a good way to make use of his family’s connections, and it’s also another means of exposing your work to a different audience. 

It’s why Taehyung’s been excited to introduce you to the guests, making sure you meet all of them, as he goes around the space to greet them. You don’t mind, really. He has a great eye and a unique way of expressing and selling his art, and as he matches it to his target market, you find yourself learning from him, too. He even got one of them to commission you for a piece, someone who doesn’t mind waiting in line, given that you’ve been pacing your work due to health reasons. 

Taehyung finally states that he now wants to get on with the actual party, so he heads to the bar to order some shots while you walk towards the table where your husband and all your friends are. You take the seat next to Jungkook who promptly looks at you with a cheeky smile on his face. 

“Babe, why are you sitting there?”

“Where else would I sit?” You ask, sipping from a glass of water. 

Jungkook spreads his arms and nods towards his lap, causing you to burst in laughter, although he doesn’t seem to find it all that funny. 

“I won’t sit on your lap, honey,” you giggle. “I can do that at home.”

“Our friends won’t mind,” he huffs. 

“I would,” you respond. 

“He just wants to make a statement,” Jimin chimes in. “We can’t count how many girls have walked up to him asking if the seat - I mean, his lap - is taken. Why he’s even manspreading, we don’t know.”

You laugh along with your friends as you turn to your husband, as if asking him why he’s doing exactly that.

“I always had the image of men in leather pants sitting like this,” Jungkook answers. “I guess it fits the vibe.”

“Well, if you keep doing that, more women are gonna try their luck. And I can’t really blame them,” you say, moving your seat closer to him because suddenly, the idea of people hitting on your husband makes you just a little bit uneasy. 

“And they’ll keep getting rejected. I don’t know why they think that line would work,” Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“Why did you think it would work on me?” 

“Let’s just say, you have a track record,” he smirks at you. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten how just kissing me affected you earlier. Oh baby, you have it bad for me,” he whispers now.

You’d be annoyed at him if he wasn’t right, but of course he is. It’s the boyish charm and effortless sexiness that get you all the time, and that’s on top of all the other things that make him an amazing husband and lover. 

His wiggling eyebrows let you know that he’s teasing, and your scrunched nose tells him you’re enjoying it. 

But even then, he pulls you close and softly kisses your cheek. “And I’ve got it bad for you, too, baby. I’ll do whatever you want tonight, just tell me.”

“What about a message and cuddles?” You release a deep breath. “Meeting the guests tired me a bit.”

“Then I’ll do that. We can have a bath together and sleep in, too. Does that sound good?”

You nod in response, smiling at the thought that despite your incessant teasing, you and Jungkook could edge each other with your flirting but also wouldn’t mind if one of you decides for something soft and wholesome instead. It’s not so much self-control as it is the way your relationship has come to work - sure, sex is always good; you’d push each other’s buttons for fun or even as foreplay, but pillow talk while your limbs are entangled under the sheets are just as amazing. You’ve learned that every intimate moment with him is special as it happens; you could only hope it’s an aspect of your marriage that won’t ever change. 

Your moment is disrupted when Taehyung arrives with a server and a tray of shots, with him insisting that each person has to take one. You give in even if you hadn’t planned on drinking at all, but when you say that’s all you’ll have for the rest of the night, none of your friends question you. They know you and Jungkook are actively trying to get pregnant, and consuming alcohol does affect that, so they let you be. Jungkook orders a glass of juice right after though, but you don’t question him, even if you’d expected that he’d go for another round or at least a bottle of beer. 

As the host that he is, Taehyung urges everyone to get on the dance floor, the alcohol now kicking in after the rest of your friends downed more shots. 

“We’re good here,” Jungkook says. “You tired my wife a little over there.”

“Nah, we all know you’re the only one who can do that,” Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows, his lack of filter causing you and your husband to just laugh.

“I’m okay, Kook,” you say, reaching out your hand for him to take. “I’d be silly not to dance with you looking like this. Plus, didn’t you want to make a statement that you’re taken or something?” You laugh. 

“I do, actually,” he smirks, leading you to the dance floor where your friends have gathered. “But I’d also be silly not to dance with you looking like this,” he continues, running his hand down your bare back until it sits right on your ass. He squeezes it a little before holding you by the waist, swaying them in tandem with your hips as you dance to the music. 

You’ve got your hands around his neck and your eyes locked on his, his smile turning more sultry as the seconds tick by. You feel him grind against you and you welcome the friction, as you find yourself lost in the sounds and the weight of his stare. 

“Nothing like a song about fucking everyday to get us in the mood, huh,” he whispers in your ear, his fingers gripping your dress to control himself.

“Good thing we’re married and can do that, then,” you whisper back. “But that would also be incredibly tiring.”

Jungkook laughs. Much as he knows it’s something that his amazing stamina would allow him to do, he also knows that’s too much for you. But he’d never complain. Anything with you is enough; being with you is enough. Falling asleep with you is all that he wants, even during that rare time when he was upset. He’s learned that when it comes to you, no distance is farther than when he’s not next to you; he’d take any pain on either of your ends, as long as he has you by his side. 

He’s overcome with emotion at the thought, so he doesn’t control himself when the urge to kiss you takes over him and you let him, capturing his lips for something gentle and languid. He feels you smile against him and he does the same, knowing that amidst the lust and intense yearning, the softness will remain. It’s why he pulls away first and envelopes you in a hug, finding purchase in your neck as he calms his raising heart and hardening cock that were caused by your impassioned movements. 

He hears you giggle as you hug him tight and his heart softens now, savoring that sound even more because he was without it for weeks at one point. He’s also learned that days without your laugh and your smile are the hardest; he knows he’ll be lost in this world without them. 

You pull away now and kiss his cheek this time, and you feel him smile again at the action. With all his cheekiness, Jungkook is everything that is love at his core. He gives and takes as he should, and it may seem odd that such thoughts are what’s swirling in your mind as you’re both dancing together at a club with people making out and grinding against each other around you, but you’ve come to learn that regardless of happening outside or inside of you, he’s the only one you want to share your little world with. 

He takes your hand and leads you back to your table where your friends gather shortly after. He orders coffee while you settle for tea, knowing you’d be too tired to make one before you sleep. It’s more laughter and dancing in your seats for another hour or so before you and Jungkook decide to head home as guests start to leave as well. 

You didn’t expect to be out until 2AM but you kept thinking that one day, you’ll be too old for this; one day, you’ll have kids to care for that you won’t have much time for nights out with your friends. You savor what you’re able to as a young married couple before children get in the picture, and as you watch Jungkook in the driver seat with his tattooed arm on the steering wheel, humming to the music while saying that he had a great time, you assume that he thinks the same way.

“Yeah, tonight was fun,” you muse. “We let go of ourselves a little bit and that was nice.”

“It was. You had your hands on me for most of the night so that was good,” he teases. 

“I had to make a statement myself. Don’t think I didn’t see those two women who kept eyeing you and constantly passing by our table,” you huff. 

“I didn’t even notice,” he hums. “I was too busy looking at you. But was that really it? You were just letting them know that I’m your man and they have no chance?”

“Of course not,” you giggle, taking his free hand and kissing it. “This look is really doing something to me. Maybe I’ll start asking you to wear this at home or something.”

Jungkook laughs at your words, his head briefly rolling back before he turns to you with his scrunched nose. “I wouldn’t mind that, actually.”

There’s a moment of silence, with you caressing his hand that’s found its place on your bare thigh, before you comment that he didn’t drink much tonight, knowing that their trio of best friends enjoy their alcohol when they’re out to party.

“I could’ve driven us back home, you know?” You say. “We haven’t gone out like this in a while so it would’ve been okay if you drank.”

“Yeah but… we’re trying to get pregnant and the doctor said that alcohol consumption affects sperm health, too,” he responds, his eyes looking soft as he glances at you. “I don’t want you to be the only one cutting back on things because we’re doing this together. I mean, that cup of coffee back there was only my second one of the day. I’ve been trying to limit myself to just two a day as well since I know you’re drinking less, and I survived the week.”

“Honey…” you say, your heart melting at the thought of him making sure that you’re not doing this all on your own. 

This is just the trying phase, and if he’s committed to the pregnancy this early on, you can just imagine how present and supportive he’ll be when you do get pregnant. He’ll make sure you’re not the only one making sacrifices, and he’ll make sure to give you as much comfort and support as possible. 

“And also, I’m gonna have to change my lifestyle eventually for, you know, when we have our child,” he continues. “I can’t be going out, drinking, and then driving because who knows what could happen? Plus, I don’t wanna kiss our baby with alcohol breath when I get home. And I—”

“Kook, you can still do the things you used to do even when we have a child,” you interrupt. “I mean, you can still party and drink and—”

“I can’t be reckless, though, and that’s what I was for a long time,” he counters. “I was also pretty selfish and always wanted things my way. Being with you changed that and yeah, parenthood will change me, but I should at least be good enough to begin with.”

“And you are, honey; more than enough, actually. I mean, we’ve been to the doctor twice and you already took what she said to heart,” you assure him. “I just know you’re gonna be great, okay? And this is my unfiltered mind speaking but I’m kinda excited to get pregnant because of how sweet and loving and… hot you’re gonna be when you take care of me.”

It’s that laugh again, his playful and endearing laughter that triggers the butterflies in your stomach. Jungkook’s eyes sparkle under the dim streetlights that you pass by, and the way he looks at you makes you feel like everything good is at your reach while it’s just the two of you in your own world. 

“I’m excited for you to get pregnant because of how loving and needy and strong and fucking sexy you’re gonna be,” he says, earning him a chuckle. “But all that aside, I just want you to know that you have me. I’m obviously here for the actual baby-making but also for the massages and cravings and morning sickness and swollen everything, okay? I promise.”

“You are such a dream, Jeon Jungkook,” you giggle as you gaze at him lovingly. “I’d live through a thousand lifetimes just so I can have this one where I married you.”

He’s left speechless now, as he softly smiles and leans over at the stoplight for a gentle kiss on your lips. You think it’s enough for him to say all the things he can’t, and you kiss him back, a little more deeply, to say the things you still don’t have words for.

The rest of the ride back home is quiet, save for Jungkook’s humming along to the songs on his playlist. You’re both giggling over something silly that happened earlier by the time you’re walking back to the apartment, and taking advantage of the late hours and the empty elevators, your husband softly kisses your neck with his arms wrapped around your waist all the way to your floor. You sigh in relief; his lips are as good as his hands when it comes to relieving your tiredness. 

There were some issues you encountered in your project at the firm that you had to manage, on top of helping Taehyung with his art gallery launch. Teaching the kids is not really stressful, but handling classes of 10 children each has its own challenges. You know your body and you’re perfectly fine, which is why you didn’t mind staying up late with your friends tonight. You’d missed out on a few nights out because you opted to rest, but tonight was too important to pass up on. But still, it left you just a tiny bit exhausted and you can’t wait for your warm bath and cuddles with Jungkook. 

You pause on the idea once your phone beeps and a notification pops up. Suddenly your heart is racing, and you’re left standing in the middle of your living room as Jungkook turns off the lights and says that he’ll massage you as you both take your bath. 

Seeing you unmoving when he expected you to be walking up the stairs, he asks if everything’s okay.

“Yeah, it’s just…” you say, turning to him with a small smile on your face. “I just got notified. My, uh, my tracker says I ovulate in a few days so, uh… My fertile window starts now.”

It takes a few seconds for Jungkook to process the information and once it clicks, he walks towards you and mirrors your smile. 

Dr. Han explained in detail how things go, and Jungkook remembers that in non-technical words, having sex during your fertile window is the best way to get pregnant, and since everything is an estimate and no means of tracking can be entirely accurate, what he he really took from that session is that having sex everyday increases your chance of conceiving. The thought turns his soft smile into a smirk, and with his eyes boring into yours, he repeats your words.

“Your window starts now,” he says, earning him a nod. “I’m fertile, too,” he adds. 

You chuckle at his statement. “I know, Kook. Of course you are,” you playfully roll your eyes. 

But his gaze doesn’t falter, as he cups your cheek and takes you in.

“Do you think the bath and massage can wait?” He asks, his voice suddenly low.

“They can,” you respond, feeling your throat drying up.

“You’re not too tired?”

“Not anymore,” you answer, melting into his touch, especially as his breath starts to quicken.

“Good,” he breathes out, his mouth so close to yours. 

Your noses touch before you feel his lips, soft yet wanting at the thought of being able to make love to you tonight, knowing there’s a chance that it could result in a baby that you’ve both been wanting. You grant him the entrance that he seeks, and he’s quick to explore as your tongue melds with his. He’s intentional, with both his hands cradling your face, wanting to say so much with this kiss. You return it just as eagerly, and your hands do what they’ve been wanting to since earlier in the night - they slide down his clothed chest, and then his torso, until they reach his crotch where you palm his hardening dick, letting him know that you want this just as much. 

He moves to place open-mouth kisses down your neck, and you moan when he sucks that sensitive part of yours at the same time that you squeeze his length, earning you a groan that sends shivers down your spine.

“Can I claim my seat now,” you tease, wanting nothing more than to ride him until you lose your breath, knowing just how much pleasure that position gives you both. 

“Fuck yes, babe,” he growls, kissing you again as he starts walking back, letting you guide him towards the couch that’s experienced its fair share of your lovemaking.    

He pulls away to settle on his seat, his eyes not moving away from you as he asks you to undress yourself, leaving you in nothing but your silk thong.

With his legs spread slightly wide, the leather material hugging his thick, meaty thighs, and his arms laid over the back of the couch, you can’t help but moan at the sight. Your seat looks pretty comfortable, even more so when he unzips his trousers to reveal his hardened length, big and veiny for you to slide against and down on. 

He’s coaxing you, as he touches himself to get you to come closer, knowing just how much this turns you on. You surprise him, though, when you get on your knees instead and take his cock from his hand, as if showing him that you can do it better. And of course you do; your touch electrifies him, it makes him weak and pliant, it makes him give in to whatever you want. He’s a generally impatient guy, but when it comes to you, he forces himself to have self-control, to wait, to let you take your time, only because he knows how satisfying it is once you give him what he craves. 

A few gentle and teasing strokes later, you take him in your mouth and you surprise him again, as you dive in and take him deep right away, unlike your usual gradual descent that’s every bit torturous and euphoric. He’s caught off guard but it’s what causes him to obscenely moan, prompting you to do the same, the vibrations sending him close to the edge. But you keep going, bopping your head up and down as you try to fit him in your mouth, and Jungkook has to gather all his strength to not falter this quickly. There’s so many other ways he wants to feel you.

Knowing he’ll come soon if you don’t stop, he cups your cheek to get your attention. The loving way you look at him is a contrast to how ruined he feels, and just as he thinks you’d chase his finger with your mouth and suck it as well, you kiss his hand instead, tracing your lips up to his tattooed arm and it’s moments like this that make him feel alive. He’s always loved chasing a high, living for the thrill and the unexpected that pushes him to try different things, and he’s somehow found that when making love to you. You could look at him shyly, reverently, or sultrily; you can lick your lips or say vulgar things or giggle sweetly - he won’t know what he’ll get, but he’ll lose his mind either way. 

Wanting to satiate his need, he finally pulls you to sit on his lap, capturing your mouth in his that leaves no room for either of you to breathe. Flushed against his clothed chest, you wrap your arms around his neck to try to take in as much of him as you can. You grind against his throbbing cock, and the friction isn’t enough, as you raise yourself to slide down on him, and your joint moans fill the room.

It starts slow but you eventually pick up the pace, and it prompts him to remove his trousers that are now definitely limiting his movements. Once he’s free, he focuses on what he can give. Jungkook pulls you down as he pushes inside of you, the quick and erratic thrusts sending you in a whole other dimension. You’re meeting his movements, your pants turning into squeals as you feel him so deep inside you, hitting the edges of your physical being. 

You lose it when he grips your ass to keep you in place and then captures your breast in his mouth for him to suck. You feel the pleasure all over your body; it’s overwhelming and all-consuming - you feel him everywhere, and it’s exactly how you want to be made love to. 

It’s the succeeding thrusts and the bite of the sensitive part of your neck that has you mewling and arching your back in intense pleasure and you feel like you’ve lost sense for a moment, as if you’re suspended with how deep and rough he’d gone. It’s almost numbing, as you continue to grind against him as you try to catch your breath but despite the overstimulation, you can’t get enough of it, of him. You came hard but you want more. 

You kiss him as you come down from your high and he takes you in, moaning as your mouths meet again. It’s different this time, though - the kiss is desperate, it feels like; there’s the usual passion but a different kind of yearning, of eagerness. Devotion, too, it seems - towards you, towards the future child you’ll have, towards the family you’ll build - as he caresses your back, his hands gliding on your skin before clutching onto you, as if he’ll lose you if he doesn’t.

“I love you,” he mumbles against your neck, repeating it like a chant that devotees do to a being they revere. “I love you, fuck baby. I love all of you.”

“I love you, Kook, so much,” you pant, hugging him loosely, as it’s the only thing you have energy to do at this moment. 

His arms are wrapped around your waist and he leans to kiss you there, his mouth seemingly unable to separate from any part of you. 

You meet his eyes and you just know that you mirror the way he’s fondly looking at you. Jungkook boops your nose before he gently lays you on the couch, his eyes unmoving from your form as he kneels before you to remove his shirt, his perfectly-crafted torso making you salivate even more. 

Spreading your legs, he dives in your cunt, licking your lips before he sucks your clit. You still haven’t recovered from earlier but you don’t mind. You’re still somewhat in a daze, and everything Jungkook does is both mind blowing and calming, intense yet numbing. Your leg starts to shake so he stops but you don’t complain. Just like him it seems, you want this drawn out. 

“I want you inside me, baby,” you moan. “I want… I want to feel you all over me again. Please,” you beg. “I need you.”

The way you plead does things to him, so he lays by your side, slides inside you from behind, and takes you into his hold. With your body shifted and your legs raised, he cups your breast and sucks on your neck, as if cradling you while making you feel all of him - his mouth, his dick, his fingers… He’s thrusting against you so hard that you’re screaming in pleasure, asking him not to stop, and moaning out his name. You lose control of your limbs and you feel like your body now has a mind of its own but his kiss grounds you, and you hold onto him tightly for anchor as he does the same with you. 

You come again - another hard crash - and he follows soon after, abrupt and drawn out that he feels like he’s suspended as well. He stays inside you, wanting to make sure that nothing of him is wasted. 

You’re both panting from tiredness, your damp foreheads against each other, and it’s nothing but your warm breaths and slick bodies that you feel. You can’t really feel anything else, and that warm bath sounds good right about now.

Jungkook seems to read your mind, as he pulls away first and grabs your clothes. He reaches out his hand that you take, and he holds you close to him as you both walk up the stairs and into your bathroom. 

You both don’t say much; the smiles and the soft kisses on the cheek seem to say enough. Maybe you’re just both really spent, but Jungkook exerting all that effort on you does not stop him from drawing your bath, sitting opposite you, and then massaging your feet and calves. He asks you to sit in between his legs right after so he can massage your shoulders, too, and the sigh you let out tells him you’re satisfied with his as well. 

“That good, baby?” He still asks, and you lazily smile at him and nod.

“You might fall asleep here,” he chuckles, pulling you closer to him so he can nuzzle your neck. 

“I wouldn’t mind that, as long as you sleep here with me,” you hum.

“Our tub is big but it isn’t that big,” he laughs again. “Come on, I’ll wash us up.”

You follow him and head to the shower where he promptly rinses the suds off your hair and your body. He’s gentle and thorough; charming, too, as his boyish smiles appear again when he sees you look satisfied. He helps you dress up before you both head to your room, your soft linens feeling like clouds after all that you did. 

Jungkook goes under the covers and lays his head on your chest like he often does. Tired as you are, you don’t want to sleep yet, needing to have this moment with him first. 

He’s rarely quiet, so when he is, you know something’s on his mind. You comb your fingers through his hair to calm him down; massaging him like this is also your way of letting him know that can say whatever he wants, and express whatever he wants.

“Do you think we did it?” He finally asks, sounding soft and unsure. “Do you think that was it?”

With his hand caressing your belly, you feel his anxiousness and his desire.

“I don’t know, honey,” you reply. “These things are never accurate. I’m just glad my cycle’s finally regular so at least I can better estimate when I’m due to ovulate and we can work from there. Maybe we did it. Maybe we didn’t. We won't know until I show symptoms and I take a test. And that’s weeks from now.”

The silence isn’t uncomfortable despite what seems to be a million things running through his mind. You’ve wanted this for so long but you’ve learned to be patient, to be trusting, to be accepting of whatever happens. You’d like to think that for all that you went through and for all the good that you’ve done in this life, the universe will grant you this wish. But you don’t want to think too much of how much you want it. You’re scared to be disappointed; more importantly, you’re scared to disappoint him.

“I want this so much,” he says, his voice low and desperate. “I… I knew I did but I didn’t know just how much until the other month when… when we had a false alarm.”

You recall that day. It was some time after you’d come back from Busan, the conversations from that trip perhaps clouding your mind, the excitement overtaking you that you’d thought you could be pregnant despite the minimal signs. 

But you took the test anyway. It was negative, and Jungkook hugged you and said it was okay. You’d only gone to the doctor once that time, and you were both still adjusting and making changes in your respective lifestyles. He didn’t seem upset; he comforted you, cradled you that night, and made love to you softly as he whispered how perfect you are, and how much he loves you. 

“I… I didn’t want to show it but it made me sad that it didn’t happen then,” he continues. “And I guess it hit me exactly how much I wanted it. To be able to create someone who’s half of the person I love the most and half of me… that’s amazing, right? I just suddenly couldn’t wait to give all my love to that child; I couldn’t wait for us to be gifted that.”

You’re unable to form words as you listen to him. It takes you back to the time when he didn’t want to have children yet, content with just the both of you and your little adventures and time alone. Jungkook wanted you all to himself, and he wanted him to be the only one you focused on. He’d hated himself for being selfish, but you suppose you both needed to have that time for each other - to learn, to love, to fight, to forgive, to trust, and then to love even harder, even braver, even kinder. 

“It’ll happen, Kook,” is all you can say. “One day, it will. I’d like to believe that it’s meant for us, just as you and I were meant for each other after all these years.”

“I don’t want to think that I wasted so much of our time just because I wanted it to be just us,” he admits. “But sometimes, that fills my mind. What if we had tried earlier?”

“Do you think that helps? Thinking of the what if’s?”

“I know it doesn’t,” he responds. “But I guess the fear pushes me somehow, you know? I could be living a different life where I don’t have all this, and so I want to make sure that I take care of all that I have now - you, this marriage, this home. It’s ironic that I’ve always wanted to live my life without fear, only to realize now that fears could be good, too, that having something you’re afraid of means you’re actually living, because then, something’s good enough to lose.”

“And that something is so good that you can’t not have it,” you add. 

He looks up at you with an assuring smile, knowing that you feel what he’s feeling, that you understand what’s bothering him. 

“I worry, too,” you continue. “I knew when I’d fallen in love with you that I wanted a family, to have a child that bears both of us, you know? Someone who can receive the overflowing love I have for you. And not having that scares me.”

With your words, Jungkook shifts himself to face you, cradling you in his arms and kissing your forehead.

“You see what you did right there?” You ask him.

“What?”

“I tell you I’m scared, and the first thing you do is hold me,” you say, feeling the emotions overtake you. “We’re each other’s fears. I’m afraid to lose you. I worry when you’re in pain or stressed or confused or unwell. And I know it’s the same with you. But we’re each other’s shields, too. We protect each other, we gain strength from each other. That’s how we’ll get through this. That’s how we’ll get through anything. I’ll hold you when you’re scared and you’ll take me in your arms just the same. The fears are bearable that way.”

“They are,” he whispers, kissing you deeply. “We’re all we need, baby. You’re all I need.”

With your entangled limbs under the covers, you and Jungkook breathe each other in. 

“I don’t know if we were successful tonight,” you hum, slowly succumbing to sleep. “We can always try again tomorrow.”

“And the day after. And the day after that. And then after that,” he responds, his cheeky smile making a sleepy appearance. “We can try everyday. We’ll make it happen; we’ll hold each other again if it doesn’t.”

“We will,” you answer. “We always will.”

Jungkook kisses your nose then your forehead, but it’s his pecks on your cheek that fully wake you up from an incredible slumber. It felt long and it was exactly what you needed after a night of partying and fucking your gorgeous husband, who happens to be smiling sweetly at you right now with his doe-eyes and semi-mussed hair.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he giggles. “I was wondering when you were gonna wake up.”

“What time is it?” You grumble, stretching your limbs and feeling the tension slightly dissipate. 

“Almost 1.”

“Seriously?” You gasp. “I’ve never woken up this late.”

“I know. I was kinda getting worried,” he chuckles. “But then again, we did sleep around 4:30 AM so it’s fine.”

“What did you do to me, honey,” you laugh now.

“Well, you know, the usual,” he teases. “And I’m not done with you yet. I promised you days of this.”

He sneaks his hand in between your thighs and presses lightly against your cunt, earning him a low moan. 

“Hmm, you did,” you hum. “But I’d really love a hug right now.”

With your outstretched arms, Jungkook melts into your hold, burying his face into your neck like he loves to do. You smell of peony and vanilla; you feel soft and comfortable and every beautiful thing in the world. He’d live right here if he could. 

But it’s the middle of the day and you’ve already missed your morning medication.

“I love this but babe, you need to eat so you can take your medicine,” he says, pulling away now. “I bought us some lunch so can you please wash up already?”

“Fine, Mr.,” you playfully roll your eyes. “I’ll be down in a bit. I’ll see you there.”

You walk into the kitchen with Jungkook humming to a song and shaking his hips while he transfers the stew from the pot into a big bowl. He places that on the dining table before taking the heated rice from the microwave. Dressed in sweatpants and a tank top under a loose zip-up hoodie that lets his shoulder tattoos peek out - a weakness of yours, you’ve learned - he looks like the perfect husband who’s sexy in every way. 

You’ve noticed these past weeks how he’s been more keen on getting chores done. You’ve always divided the tasks but recently, he’s taking more initiative - planning meals, listing grocery items, and scheduling laundry day. Those are things you think about on a daily basis because managing a household is tough work; you can’t help but think that he’s started taking some of the load from you, perhaps in preparation for when you get pregnant, and especially when a little one joins your family. 

The thought makes you smile. It’s why when he tells you that the food’s ready and pulls out your chair, you sit on his lap instead, wrapping your arms around his neck and tucking your face in there as well. 

“Thank you, Kook,” you huff. “It smells good.”

“It does. Too bad I didn’t cook it,” he chuckles, returning your hug.

“I know. You don’t have the patience for that.”

He tickles you in response but you just hug him more tightly.

“Hey, I know I turn you on when I’m being a dreamy househusband, but the food will get cold,” he says, turning to face you now, a rare sight indeed since he’s often the hard-headed and pouty one. “Let us eat this first, and then I can eat you out after. Deal?”

You bite his cheek in feigned annoyance before you move to your chair, taking in the dish in front of you. 

“What time did you buy this?” You ask, realizing only after the first spoonful just how hungry you are, reminding you of a certain physical activity you both did just hours ago.

“Hmm, around 10,” he answers. “I was up at 8 and was gonna drink milk only to find out that we don’t have any. So I went to the supermarket and got eggs and a few other things, too. Then I passed by the restaurant on the way home.”

“Dreamy househusband indeed,” you wink at him. “But how were you up that early after last night?”

“Taehyung, that annoying child,” Jungkook groans. “He kept calling and texting so I just picked up. He woke up early and couldn’t find his engagement ring for Ailee, and he doesn’t know if he lost it or if he proposed to her but he doesn’t remember anything because he was so drunk. And she was called for an emergency at work so he couldn't find out. He also doesn’t wanna ask her himself so I said I’d ask her if my best friend did anything stupid and well, yeah, he did propose; she just doesn’t know that he doesn’t remember.”

You’re cracking up by the end of your husband’s narration and you feel for the man. “Oh, poor Taehyung. What a terrible way to go about asking someone to marry them.”

“Well, I never actually asked you, did I?” Jungkook says. 

“Well, you kinda didn’t want to, did you?” you shoot back, earning you an adorable frown. 

Appeasing him, you take his hand and kiss it. “It doesn’t matter. We said I do, you kissed me for a millisecond, and then here we are!”

“Baby!” He groans again. “Why are you bringing up the wedding kiss, AKA the most embarrassing kiss of my life?”

“Because so-called loverboy Jungkook kissed his bride for a millisecond, that’s why,” you laugh. 

“I did make up for it, though,” he reminds you. “And I still do. I mean, you can’t seem to get enough of my kisses now.”

“You’re getting cockier and cockier by the year, honey,” you tease. “Even if, yes, you are absolutely correct. I can’t imagine living without your kisses.”

“Good. Because these lips can’t imagine not kissing you,” he smirks, and all you can do is cover your face in laughter and slight embarrassment, but he scrunches his nose as he watches you lose it, and your heart softens again. 

He could be cheeky as much as he wants; deep down, he’ll always be that gentleman who loves making you laugh and smile. 

You both finish your meal then you take your medicine. You insist on doing the dishes this time and it doesn’t take long. You’re full from eating so you return to your seat next to Jungkook where you both video call with Taehyung and the rest of your friends as he presents his predicament.

“Just be honest with her,” you advise. “Honesty and communication are incredibly important in a marriage, Tae. Take it from me. Who knows? Maybe she doesn’t remember how it happened, either.”

“And then you can just propose to her again,” Jungkook suggests. “Seriously, dude. Being honest is probably one of the hardest things to do, but it’s freeing more than anything when you share things with your partner. It just sucks that you have to share your stupidity but yeah, she’s crazy about you so I’m sure she’ll still want to marry you.”

Taehyung rants again but decides that listening to the only married couple in your friend group is his best course of action, so he says he will and will keep everyone posted. 

Wanting to have your only caffeine intake for the day, you walk towards the counter to boil water for your tea and then walk back to Jungkook. You lean on the edge of the table as you watch him remain seated and mirror your smile. You think about what he said earlier about being honest. You’re also reminded of your conversation last night and how open and vulnerable he was. You recall the moments where he’s trusted you and followed your lead. You think back at the instances where you were the same. You’ve both come such a long way, and the thought sparks a certain kind of desire in you, something that he sees.

He reaches out his hand and you take it. He guides you to his lap where you comfortably sit, aligning your clothed cunt to his cock, anticipating the friction and what would come out of it. You kiss each other deeply, both your hands mapping each other out. He pulls down your nightgown; you unzip his jacket and sneak your hands underneath his top. He’s smooth and taut and absolutely perfect; his hardened nipples tell you that he’s just as turned on as you are. 

Rocking against his hips, he decides that he absolutely needs to taste you, so Jungkook nudges you and guides you to the table where you lay, your legs spread out to show him the view that he craves. 

His tongue is warm against your folds. He presses it against your clit before twirling it around, knowing exactly how you want this to go. You like it slow at first, with kisses on the sides and underneath your thighs where you’re sensitive, before wanting it fast, rough, and desperate, as Jungkook sucks and nibbles and locks your thighs in his arms, pulling you closer to the edge so he can bury his face in between them where he also would like to live if he could. 

It’s like he’s been starved as he leaves no inch untouched. Your legs are shaking now, your body begging for release and he feels it; he feels the tension in your limbs and hears your hypnotizing moans. These make him want you to wrap around him so he can feel your warmth, too, so he can be sucked into your velvet walls and drown in your essence. 

He pulls away then undresses himself and then you, leaving you both heaving and bare, desperate for more of your scent and your kisses and your touch and your sounds. He strokes himself a little before pulling you closer again, this time for his cock to slide inside your wet entrance, and the moan that escapes him is obscene yet full of want and yearning. 

With your legs suspended in air, he thrusts into you - slow at first, teasing even, as he draws it out before going rough and deep, sending shockwaves all over his body with how well you’re taking him, and how hard you’re letting him go as you ask for more and more and more.

His hands explore your bare torso - hands fondling your swell breasts, fingers pinching your pert nipples, and palms gripping your waist to keep you steady. You kiss each other for most of it all, adding to your pleasure but also tempering it, as your mouths capture your moans and the curses you both let out. 

“So good, baby,” you groan, your deep, sultry voice still surprising him after all this time. “You fit me so, so well.”

“I’m made for you, baby,” he growls, assaulting your neck with nibbles that have you ascending even more. “Fuck, you’re so perfect for me.”

Your cries of yes urge him further and he quickens his pace, knowing from your sounds that you’re close and his erratic thrusting says that so is he. With your chest heaving and your arms weakening from supporting your weight, you crash hard, and your elbows buckle from the intensity but he catches you, his arms cradling you before he lays your back on the table while he tries to reach his peak. 

You recover, propping one arm on the surface and the other, pulling him close to you. 

“Come for me, baby,” you whisper, licking the shell of his ear right after. “Want you to fill me up so good. Please.”

You meet his thrusts and then clench around him. It’s what does it for him, as he releases a long groan that almost makes you come another time. Your pants match his and he hugs you tightly before kissing your neck. 

He’s sweating and unsurprisingly so, but it makes him look even hotter, with the softness in his eyes turning into determination in seconds. He bites your lip before licking your mouth. 

“I’m not done with you yet,” he smirks. “Gotta cover all bases and take you from every angle, baby.” Pulling away, he releases you from his hold. “Will you turn around for me? We’ve got the rest of the day for this.”

You’re left speechless at his words but you’re eager and pliant as you’re under his spell. You turn around as he asks and the feel of his tongue on your cunt overstimulates yet electrifies you. There’s no other way you want to spend your Saturday. You know your Sunday and every day after that will be the same. But Jungkook is an amazing lover, and you know that after all the roughness, he’ll hold you gently, pepper you with soft kisses, and tell you how much he loves you so you won’t ever forget. 

It’s weeks later when you pick up the phone and make a call.

“Hey, babe,” Jungkook’s sweet voice greets you on the other end of the line. “I’m heading to McDonald’s. The meal served on the plane was so little and I’m still hungry. Do you want anything?”

“Just, uh, just fries,” you mumble, as you pace back and forth in your living room. 

“That’s all?” He asks, knowing that you always want that with a sundae. “Do you want me to get something from somewhere else?”

“No, I’ve had dinner, Kook,” you say. “But uh, do you think you can pass by the pharmacy? I… I need a pregnancy test.”

You can hear a pin drop with the silence from both your ends. But it could also probably just be your mind going blank as you vocalize the words, a request that holds with it so much as you try to think of what will happen after the result comes out. 

“Baby…” Jungkook manages to mumble.

“I didn’t realize that my period’s been late a few days,” you explain. “But the cramps have been bearable and I didn’t think much of the nausea but, maybe… I mean, there’s a chance that—”

You only ramble when you’re nervous and Jungkook can feel your anxiety even through the phone. 

“Baby,” he interrupts you. “It’s okay. Are you feeling any pain right now?”

“No… I just… Come home soon, please. I… I need to be with you.”

“I’ll be home soon. I love you.”

He drops the call and makes his order through the window, then he asks Mr. Yu to head to the nearby pharmacy where Jungkook runs to the counter for the pregnancy test and then asks his chauffeur to quickly but safely drive to you. He wants nothing more than to be with you right now and calm your nerves, and while his mind is going haywire at the thought of a possible pregnancy, he knows he needs to be the strong one; he needs to be the one to keep you both grounded, even if another false alarm will crush both your hearts.

The time is ticking by too slowly and he opts to send you messages instead, updating you of where he is and how much longer it’ll take for him to get to you, hoping that this could at least help while you wait for him to arrive. 

Back in your loft, you continue pacing around the living room. You’d been too busy with work to take note of your tracker, which is why you hadn’t realized until today that your period is late. Jungkook’s been in Japan since Thursday and took a late afternoon flight this Monday so he can get home to you right away. You know he’s worried; even with his calm voice, you know deep down he’s just as anxious as you are. You appreciate that he’s holding the fort for both of you; he probably could tell from your rambling that you’re a little out of sorts, and for good reason. 

Since deciding on actively trying to get pregnant, there’s been an air of tension about the topic even if it’s something you both openly talk about. Perhaps it’s wanting it so much that the chance of not achieving it is a heartbreaking thought. 

You remind yourself, however, that you had a go at it not long ago; you’ve been following Dr. Han’s recommendations of cutting back on things as well so the hopeful part of you thinks that there’s a big chance it could happen. Every part of you wishes it’s happy tears tonight and not sad ones. 

Your door unlocks and you stand from the couch, meeting Jungkook, who places the food on the nearby flat surface, and hugging him tightly.

“I missed you,” he hums against your hair. “You don’t have to be scared, okay? I’m with you. We’re doing this together, and whatever happens, we’ll hold each other. We promised, remember?”

“I remember,” you mumble. Facing him, you say you’ll take the test in the guest bathroom. “We’ll wait and check together, honey. I love you, whatever happens.”

“I love you, whatever happens.”  

You exit the bathroom and find him seated on the bed, his coat removed and his tie loosened. His hair is a little mussed, perhaps from constantly combing through it as a way to ease his nerves. You sit on his lap - your safe place - and hug him again, letting your joint breaths remind you that you share the anticipation and the fear and the excitement with him.

Your alarm beeps to signal that the waiting time is over, and he pulls you close for a deep kiss before you stand up, and you drown in his taste and his scent, knowing that you’ll need all forms of his comfort tonight. 

Walking together, you stand by the counter and stare at the stick that’s been turned over. He’s hugging you from behind and you pull his arms tighter around you. With a deep breath, you turn the test over again to face you, and the way that he buries his face in your neck while he whispers I love you in your ears is what makes your tears fall.

Two lines signifying your hopes and dreams of a family that you’ll love with all your imperfect heart. 

“We’re having a little one, babe,” he huffs. “We… We’re gonna be parents.”

You finally face him, your tears uncontrollable now, and all you can do is nod. 

“Yes,” you whisper. “We… we’re—”

His chest buries your cries, as you’re unable to form words at the gift that you’ve been given. His strong arms cradle you against him and it’s all you really need - just his love, for you, for the child you’ll have, for the family you’ll build. 

Jungkook kisses your forehead before kneeling down to face your belly that’s started to nurture your baby. 

“I can’t wait to meet you, little one,” he whispers. “You’re gonna be so, so loved. Mommy and Daddy will make sure of that.”

There’s so much emotion, as you watch Jungkook sweetly smile at what’s now housing the most important being in this world right now. His glassy doe-eyes, small sniffles, and the way he caresses you give you a glimpse of how he’ll probably be starting now. He already looks at you with so much love and you can just imagine how much more affectionate he’d be with that little human growing inside you. He’ll be giving and showing love to two now; there’s something incredibly special about that. 

The low grumble of your stomach breaks the moment, however, but your joint laughter is welcomed, as he nuzzles your torso and kisses it in places before standing up to face you again.

“I know you said you just wanted fries but I got you that chicken and mozzarella sandwich you like and strawberry McFlurry, too,” he says, wiping away your tears. “I thought that if it was negative, you’d want to eat your sadness away, and if it was positive, you’d be so happy you’d want to eat more. It could also be that you’re just really hungry.”

“That’s a fair assessment,” you giggle. “But I had early dinner and I think the anxiety got to me. Thank you, honey. You already know what I need before I even say it.”

“I'm a certified dream husband and a dad-in-training,” he winks, making your heart soar. “But also… is it okay to feed our child… grease?”

You pinch his cheeks adoringly. “Just this once, I guess. And then it’s all healthy stuff for me starting tomorrow.”

“You mean for us,” he corrects. 

“For us,” you nod.

You both eat your unhealthy comfort food, with baby talk dominating throughout dinner, such as what you’ll name them, how you’ll tell your family and friends, and how the home setup is gonna be like. You both decide on waiting until this weekend for the announcement, wanting to go to the doctor first and just savoring this moment between the both of you. You’ll eventually transform Jungkook’s office space in your room to a nursery and contact Hoseok to look for houses that you’ll move into after you give birth. 

Jungkook asks you to have a shower with him, admitting that he feels quite clingy given the news. You don’t mind at all, especially when he hugs you from behind under the warm water and caresses your stomach again while he languidly kisses your lips.

He makes love to you once you’re in bed. 

It’s different from what you’d both done during your “baby-making week,” as he liked to call it, when he took you on different surfaces and on different angles all over your apartment. You’d even done it in the car in your building’s basement parking because he wanted to “cover all bases,” although you know he just wanted an excuse because that reckless part of him just liked the thrill of fucking you in a not-so-private space. You loved every bit of that week though, and even the days that followed, where despite his late nights, early mornings, and business trips, he made sure to express his love in different ways. 

But tonight, he takes it slow and simple, as he gently yet purposefully pushes into you while he looks into your eyes with so much adoration. He intertwines his fingers with yours, filling all your spaces, and cups your cheek while he whispers words of love and praise. 

It’s a gradual buildup and perhaps it’s why your orgasm is drawn out as well. It’s a different kind of pleasure, as you feel suspended in air while being pulled down before the acceleration comes when he sucks your breast, as if you’re orgasming again while coming down from it. But it’s Jungkook - some days he’s rough and teasing; sometimes he’s gentle and serious. 

Everyday it’s love though. Whatever form or pace it is, it’s the only love you want to know.

It’s tough keeping news as big as your pregnancy from your family and friends, but you and Jungkook wanted to consult with the doctor first so you can answer their questions because you know that there’ll be many of them, including when you’re due. It’s why you canceled dinner with the girls that Wednesday and why you passed up on lunch with your siblings that Friday. 

You made it to Saturday, where you and Jungkook offered to host your monthly hangouts with all your friends in your apartment and then casually said over dinner that you’re pregnant. It was silent for a good minute before they burst into screams. 

Nari and Jimin cried, which you didn’t expect. Taehyung burst into an opera-like song to express his emotions, Yeji was taking a video of the chaos, and Minhyuk was the only sane one who hugged you tightly and said that your child will be so lucky to have a set of crazy and loving uncles and aunties who will spoil them to no end.

It’s Sunday now, and it just so happens that your and Jungkook’s grandparents are in town to attend a gala this week. 

Enjoying your lunch in the indoor dining hall of your parents’ estate, the scene is a common one - lavish dishes on the table that Seokjin chows down while little  Seungjun sits on his lap, Soojin announcing that she scored 3 goals in their recent soccer game and that her twin brother Sunghoon placed first in their school’s poetry-writing contest, big boy Jihoon feeding his little sister, and the rest of the adults talking to each other from across the table, leaving the room abuzz with laughter and squeals. 

Your grandfather asks everyone to quiet down, wanting to hear how everyone’s doing, even if he’s really just looking at you and Jungkook.

“And how about both of you, my dear?” He asks. “How have things been since your visit to Busan?”

“We’ve been well,” you reply, immediately taking Jungkook’s hand. You don’t really have a plan of how you’ll tell everyone; just like how things have always been, you just want it simple. The news is a big deal, but you don’t want anything grand when it comes to announcing it. “We’re both busy with work but we’ve been making time for each other.”

“And your health?” Your grandmother asks. 

“Back to normal. The new medication has been good so I think I’m all clear,” you smile. 

“That’s wonderful,” your grandfather replies, pausing a bit, perhaps to let you continue should there be more you want to say.

You can tell he’s trying to control himself from asking something else; it’s not lost on you that your grandparents have been very vocal about their desire for you and Jungkook to have a child, considering that, in their words, they “don’t have much time left on earth.” You feel for them. This union was a dream and you hadn’t realized until the car ride this morning just how much a child would mean to them. 

Your grandfather turns to Seoyeon, ready to ask her this time but you get ahead of him.

“Actually, I’m not really back to normal,” you say, earning you worried looks from everyone. “I actually… Uh, you see. I… We—”

“We’re pregnant,” Jungkook finishes for you. You nudge him at the sudden announcement but he just chuckles. “You were rambling.”

“I…” You turn to look at your family who are all wide-eyed, perhaps still processing the words - except for the kids, of course, who are all still munching on their food, with Soojin asking why everyone is so quiet.

“Jungkook and I are expecting,” you say now, more calmly and more certain. “I’m due in the summer and we’re really excited. And nervous. But we can’t wait to meet our little one soon. And—”

The emotions overflow at this moment - both your parents and siblings are all teary-eyed, expressing their joy and excitement in so many ways. Your mother walks to you for a tight hug, and your father does the same to Jungkook until you’re hugging each member of both of your families - with your grandparents taking most of the time - including the kids who just follow what the adults are doing. 

Soojin squeals when you explain in kid language what’s happening, prompting her to hug your belly then remarking that you look the same.

“Your Auntie’s belly will grow big soon,” Jungkook says, rubbing your stomach. “Can I ask all of you to take care of her with me?” He asks the little ones now, kneeling in front of them and mirroring their adorable smiles. 

“Yes, Uncle Kookie!” They say in unison, prompting you to kneel alongside him and hugging each of the kids.

Their kisses are long and sweet. They’re much older now so they feel more responsibility when it comes to you and the baby, so they ask a lot of questions like how big they are right now, what they’re eating, and how they’ll come out of your belly. You answer each question, trying to explain as simply as you can with all the patience in the world.

Jungkook watches you, knowing that this - and all the times that you’re with them - is just a peek of how you’ll be as a mother. And he can’t wait to witness and experience all that with you. There’s so much to be excited about; he knows every moment now is precious and one you both will have to savor.

You return to your seat once everyone’s recovered, even if your mother is still crying and your grandparents still have glassy eyes.

“I know it took a while,” you say. “But Kook and I just wanted to make sure that we were having this child for our own reasons. And well, considering how we started, we wanted to enjoy ourselves first and not feel like we’re missing out on things.”

“And that’s alright, sweetheart,” Jungkook’s grandmother assures you. “We’re just glad that this happened on your own terms this time.”

“It did,” Jungkook answers. “We had a lot of growing up to do but uh, that won’t stop. I… I’ll still need help.”

“You have us,” Junghyun says now. “Min-jun, Seokjin, and I will do the big brother thing and guide you, Kook. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Seoyeon winks at you to say that you have her, Yeri, and Mina as well. You and Jungkook have such amazing people to guide you and that you look up to; you can’t wait to get to know yourself and each other in this aspect as well. 

The rest of the afternoon is spent with your parents and grandparents talking to you and Jungkook, expressing their joy and hope that everything will all be okay. Your siblings pull you both aside to talk about the next steps from parenting sessions, prenatal yoga, house hunting, and everything in between. They make it all exciting, knowing that the worries will come and go, and you appreciate them all for that. 

Later that night, you lay in bed while Jungkook stays by your side, propped up with one arm while his hand caresses your stomach once more, something he’s been doing every night before you both sleep. 

“Today was good,” you say, as you place your hand over his, caressing the fingers that wander around your bare skin. “It somehow reminded me of that lunch when they proposed this marriage and now look where we are. We’ve come such a long way, Kook. I’m glad we can finally share the joy with them.” 

Jungkook responds with a hum, his eyes glued to your stomach, traces of deep thoughts in them.

“What are you thinking about, honey?” You ask, cupping his cheek. He closes his eyes briefly to savor your touch.

“Just… everything, I guess,” he huffs. “Everyone said so many things. My brother even sent me a long text that I still have to respond to. But I was thinking about the kids. They’re still a rowdy bunch but they’re so good to each other, babe. They’re so good to people. And they have such affection towards their parents. I… I want that for our child. I want them to be good to others, to be loving to others. I want them to love us.”

“Honey, they will,” you smile, “because we’re raising them. You have such a big heart, Kook. I just know that’ll be enough to make them kind and loving people.”

“I just… I just want to be a good dad,” he admits, revealing another layer of his vulnerability. “I want them to have fun with me, to trust that I’ll protect them always. I want to be someone they’ll be proud of; I want them to be happy that I’m their father. I want to do right by them, by you.”

“I bet as they grow up, they’ll want to do the same with you. That’s how loved they’ll feel,” you say, turning to your side so you can face him and he can focus only on you. “You’re already doing amazing, honey. They’ll feel how much you love them by how much you love me. And you love me so beautifully. That makes all the difference.” 

“Thank you for making me so happy,” he responds after a beat of silence, his heartfelt words piercing through you. “I didn’t think I could feel more for you than I already do.”

“Me, too,” you smile, kissing him deeply. “We’re gonna be okay. Things will start to change but I want you to know that I’ll love you through it all, okay?”

“And I’ll love you through it all just the same,” he kisses your forehead now. 

With you cradled in Jungkook’s arms as you listen to his steadying heartbeat and soft snores, you know that however hard this journey is gonna be, he’ll hold you no matter what, and you’ll be strong for each other through it all.

Series Masterlist

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[ihavethedreamies]

ATEEZ Animal Inside Series Hub

ON INDEFINITE HIATUS

Please Read my Letter

I am working on this I promise! Thank you for being patient. These require a bit more thinking than some of my other stuff because its more fantasy and they tend to have more plot.

Let me know if you want to be on the taglist to know when new parts come out!

🦁Matter of Pride - Hongjoong [NSFW]

Lion-Hybrid! Hongjoong x Gazelle-Hybrid! AFAB! Reader

Summary: When you were a child, the elders of your herd told you to avoid predators. But do you? No. (Set in Ancient times) ~5.9k

🦊Fox's Sleep - Seonghwa [WIP]

Fox-Hybrid! Seonghwa x Mouse-Hybrid! AFAB! Reader

Setting: Regency Era Europe

🐶Puppy Dog Eyes - Yunho [WIP]

Dog-Hybrid! Yunho x Squirrel-Hybrid! AFAB! Reader

Setting: 1950s Suburban America

🐕In The Doghouse - Yeosang [NSFW]

Dog-Hybrid! Yeosang x Cat-Hybrid! AFAB! Reader

Summary: You find yourself in need of a place to stay, and you are offered the house of a dog. (Set in Victorian times) ~4.8k

🐯Ride a Tiger - San [NSFW]

Tiger-Hybrid! San x Deer-Hybrid! AFAB! Reader

Summary: "He who rides a tiger is afraid to dismount." ~Chinese Proverb. San is a Prince! (Set in Joseon Era Korea) ~6.3k

🐺Lone Wolf - Mingi [WIP]

Wolf-Hybrid! Mingi x Lynx-Hybrid! AFAB! Reader

Setting: 1930s Alaska

🐈Nine Lives - Wooyoung [WIP]

Cat-Hybrid! Wooyoung x Fox-Hybrid! AFAB! Reader

Setting: 1700s Caribbean (Like Pirates of the Caribbean)

🐻Don't Poke the Bear - Jongho [NSFW]

Bear-Hybrid! Jongho x Fox-Hybrid! AFAB! Reader

Summary: Ever heard not to poke a sleeping bear? You do it anyway. (Set in "Wild West" times but its not a Western) ~7k

Master-Master List

ATEEZ Master List

[ryuichirou]

Replies

I’ll start with some news.

I am currently locked out of my twitter account. We did everything we could to try to get it back, but no matter what happens, it will most likely take some time.

I don’t like bringing attention to this kind of stuff because we have tons of other things to talk about which are more important than some toddlers trying to obliterate us for 1000th time (frankly I would rather talk about the colour of Leona’s butthole), but this time it’s kind of serious and important. We don’t know what’s going to happen next, but for now I wanted to say that if we won’t get the account back in time or will lose it indefinitely, we will have to ask for your help. I am sorry for that in advance.

Also, if you were discussing/working on commissions with me via DMs there, please email me or contact me via any other platform as soon as possible. Just in case.

Mass-reporting is wild, eh?

I am rambling a bit, and I didn’t really want to complain, because I know for a fact it would give satisfaction to some people, but you know? I am going to complain: it sucks ass. It happened at the worst time possible and it happened over nothing (literally, the art that got it was a Todd/Wallace non-sexual piece that got too many likes for children’s liking). I don’t care if people don’t like us, I don’t care if they gossip with their girlies about us, all I want is for them to leave us the fuck alone and let us do our thing in peace. Imagine being so unbelievably boring and so incredibly unlikeable and unable to make meaningful connections not only with other people but also with any kind of media that you just have to go out of your way to ruin things for others because this is the only thing that makes your immature brain produce something that even remotely resembles joy. Because your own pathetic self is so deeply insecure and constantly frustrated at yourself that you just have to create an illusion of control over someone else to feel important. I can’t even call it a troll behavior – at least trolls are funny sometimes. This is just someone who hit a midlife crisis at the age of 16 and made it my problem for some reason.  

And yet, it’s okay. Even if we end up losing our account, it’ll be a huge disappointment and it will hurt us tremendously, it already did. And it’s scary to think about this scenario, and it’s difficult to talk about how, if it happens, that it’s going to be okay. But eventually we’ll get over it and build ourselves up again, just like we did before several times. And these clowns will still be boring, unlikeable, lonely and very likely shit at drawing.

So yeah. Take care of yourself and block everyone who seems suspicious on sight. It’s not a panacea, but certainly is helpful.

Alright, time to talk about Leona’s butthole (not really, but we will talk about SebeMal, and it’s even better) 💪

Anonymous asked:

Seeing Vanitas made me curious about something: did you ever read Pandora Hearts? I think for a lot of people that series went hand in hand with Black Butler as the main "victorian aesthetic mangas" from the late '00/early '10. Gothic lolitas really had it all back then..

Ohh you’re so right Anon, it was the ultimate late ‘00/early ’10 aesthetic! Boys in vests with bows/ties, crosses and rosaries and traumatic and problematic backstories lol I really miss it sometimes. What an era.

I personally haven’t read/watched Pandora Hearts, but Katsu did! But it was even before we met… So my only association with this title is that Katsu’s old username was “ozbezariusnya” 🥰 Oh, and that Gilbert (?) looks very cute, but let’s be honest, of course I would think he is cute.

nebula-ryuu asked:

Regarding my question, I mean if the Malleus and Sebek ship has a dynamic or a context 😅😅 a background or a story. I have a certain feeling about what it is like but I don't want to affirm anything hehe

I don't know if I made what I said better understood, in any case I can explain it again, no problem 🙏

Oh! Thank you for clarifying!

As for our background for shipping them, we just really really love loyal characters that are a bit unhinged about their loyalty and love/obsession. So we didn’t even have a choice, they stole our hearts… and Malleus is very interesting in his interactions with Sebek too; he is annoyed by him sometimes, but he tolerates a lot and teases him.

As for the ship itself, we tend to think that in addition to Sebek being loyal and obsessive with Malleus, he is also deeply in love with him ever since he was a child. He is conflicted because he really wants to be his lover, but also thinks that he isn’t worthy. Malleus is amused by Sebek and allows him to do much more than he probably should. Actually, I think I talked about their dynamic in this post!

I hope I understood you correctly. Thank you for your question! And if you have any more questions, please let me know.

Anonymous asked:

would Lilia and Azul ever fight over who gets to have Idia?

Replied here! Thank you for your question, Anon.

[kpopsexstories]

SECOND NSFW Series: Quick Fix Dirty Kpop Imagines

This blog began with my Most Memorable Sexual Experiences of NCT series – longer stories about the members of NCT, with more "fluff" around the sex and focus on being realistic.

But let me introduce you to something different, which cuts the fluff and may include members of any k-pop group: Quick Fix Dirty Kpop Imagines. I've been so excited to share this series! 😄

The "Quick Fix" series has one main goal: shorter, wilder sex stories that aren't limited to just NCT (though to be honest, to start with it will be mostly NCT anyway 😉).

In the "Quick Fix" series, each story will feature one (sometimes more) male k-pop star from any group, depending on what I feel like writing. Unlike the "Most Memorable" series, the stories will be very short and focus exclusively on the sex 😉

Keep reading to learn more about this series, what members and groups you can read about, and when you can expect new stories. Or click here for an overview of all my stories and smut series.

My goals with this series:

➕ Short, sweet & to the point – no fluff or backstory, just sex!

➕ Written with you as the other character; imagine yourself in the scenario (having sex with your bias!)

➕ Slightly wilder sex than most stories in the "Most Memorable" series.

➕ Mixed members & k-pop idols from various groups – though I'll start mostly with NCT, there aren't any limits.

➕ Fake photos allowed (unlike in other series) – it's fiction after all! 😊

➕ No time pressure – I won't be sticking to any serious deadlines with this one, but will schedule stories in advance.

➕ Requests open – visit the blog to request a story!

Identifiers

To make it easier for you to find stories you like, I'll include identifiers at the start of each post/story:

🧑🏻‍🤝‍🧑🏻 MEMBERS: The kpop idol(s) the story is about. I know the image above only features members from three groups (NCT, BTS, TXT), but I'll definitely expand that in the future! Any requests? 😉

📦 CONTENT: Key words describing the sex, like Missionary (position), Riding (position), Cumshot, Jerking off, Blowjob, Outdoors, etc.

🍆 TYPE: Refers to the sex, and in this particular series each story will be one of the following four:

MEDIUM: Regular sex**

WILD: Usually a little rougher and more explicit

STEAMY: Sensual and passionate involving more touching

UNCONVENTIONAL: Any of the above but with a twist, for example a kink or two people fucking you at once

** The "Most Memorable" series includes "Vanilla" before "Medium", but the Quick Fix series won't be that tame.

The Schedule (Seasons)

Quick Fix stories are always posted on Wednesdays. This series won't have a fixed schedule though, as I plan on running it irregularly and indefinitely. It will run on and off in between as well as alongside my other series, all depending on my inspiration and what I feel like at the time.

I will, however, be scheduling and posting Quick Fix stories in "seasons", a handful of stories at a time:

Season 1 (8 stories): Jan 25-Feb 28, 2024

Season 2 (8 stories): Mar 6-Apr 24, 2024

Season 3 (11 stories): July 31-September 27, 2024

All "Quick Fix" Stories

Last updated: October 22, 2024

Season 1 (Jan 25-Feb 28 2024)

Jan 25, 2024 – #1 NCT JISUNG busts his load on your stomach

Jan 31, 2024 – #2 NCT MARK fucks you silly missionary style

Feb 07, 2024 – #3 NCT CHENLE gets you pregnant

Feb 14, 2024 – #4 BTS NAMJOON fucks you hard from behind

Feb 17, 2024 – #5 TXT SOOBIN lets you ride him sensually

Feb 21, 2024 – #6 TXT BEOMGYU fucks you hard in the shower

Feb 24, 2024 – #7 NCT JOHNNY & YUTA double penetrate you

Feb 28, 2024 – #8 NCT Haechan makes you come

Season 2 (Mar 6-Apr 24, 2024)

Mar 06, 2024 – #9 WayV Lucas fucks you slow

Mar 13, 2024 – #10 NCT Ten gives you a wild missionary ride

Mar 20, 2024 – #11 NCT Jungwoo fucks you like a rabbit

Mar 27, 2024 – #12 RIIZE Sohee makes you gag on his cock

Apr 03, 2024 – #13 RIIZE Shotaro comes in your mouth

Apr 10, 2024 – #14 BTS Taehyung enjoys a vibrating teddy bear

Apr 17, 2024 – #15 BTS Suga fucks you on a bathroom counter

Apr 24, 2024 – #16 TXT Hueningkai shoves his dick inside you

Season 3 (Jul 31-Sep 27, 2024)

Jul 31, 2024 – #17 NCT Mark asks if Jisung can touch your boob

Aug 07, 2024 – #18 BTS Jin gets you pregnant

Aug 14, 2024 – #19 NCT Haechan does naked push-ups over you

Aug 21, 2024 – #20 TXT Taehyun plays with your nipples

Aug 28, 2024 – #21 NCT Taeyong fucks you while Yuta jerks off

Sep 04, 2024 – #22 NCT Jeno fucks you missionary style

Sep 11, 2024 – #23 NCT Chenle doing the seashell

Sep 18, 2024 – #24 NCT Johnny is pinned against a wall

Sep 25, 2024 – #25 WayV Ten steamy ride after romantic evening

Sep 26, 2024 – #26 Wayv Ten gets a birthday blowjob

Sep 27, 2024 – #27 NCT Mark fucks and slaps you from behind

Story Master List

For a list of all my smut short stories, check out the Master List post where stories are listed alphabetically by group and member. Or, check out my external website Story Finder where you can browse all stories by content, idol, word count, popularity, requests, and more!

Request a Story

Want me to write about your bias? Request a story on the blog page and tell me: what member, which group they're in (it can be any) and what you'd like to happen (the sex).

Buy Me a Coffee

Do you like the stories I share? Writing just a single story takes me on average 12 hours of active work, and I do this as a hobby in my spare time. Please consider supporting my coffee consumption by making a small donation so I can keep doing what I do for longer. It would mean more to me than you know!

Thanks for following my blog and reading my smut! 😊

[hazardous-who]

Modern Vampire and Reincarnated Witch AU

Pairing: Obito Uchiha / Kakashi Hatake

( In which Obito is a vampire who has lost it all, and Kakashi is reincarnated as a human with dark magic in his blood. )

🚩 Warning for blood and death.

Obito had lost everything.

It started with being shunned from his family, to losing Rin, then losing Kakashi too.

All of his people of importance now gone. Nothing left for him in this world. No love, no family, no place that would ever truly feel like home. No one to confide in that was like him, who only appeared to be human, but was nothing of the sort.

He had become something bitter and mean due to his loss, something pathetically lonely, but couldn’t find it in himself to stop living. Knew Rin and Kakashi would want him to live, no matter the odds. So he held on and endured, blending himself among humanity.

It was just another dull day, where Obito had been on his way home, wandering down the streets at night until he had heard commotion from a nearby alley, the scent of blood hitting his nose just as quickly as the body that was suddenly crashing into him all at once. A startlingly familiar face stared up at him, expression something wild and scared, with pale skin painted black and blue and a nose spilling fresh waves of crimson.

A look so foreign to the man he once knew, but indefinitely Kakashi.

There was a series of footsteps resounding from the alley the man had initially manifested from, a small group of men with bats and pipes quickly making their way closer. An unfriendly bunch that clearly meant to do harm, but judging by the blood already coating their weapons and the man before him, it was apparent they had already actually done a fair bit.

The approaching threat caused fingers to claw desperately at his jacket, a voice he hadn’t heard in years sobbing a broken plea, frightened by the approaching individuals.

“Please help me.”

It had been a long time since Obito had last lost control of himself.

The bodies were unrecognizable when he had come back to, panting as he regarded the bloodied concrete and the sides of the buildings heading the alley. He was soaked in it, grimacing as he pulled flesh from beneath his nails. They smelled so foul he didn’t mind the waste of a fresh meal for once, their blood filled with drugs and toxins he’d much prefer to avoid if he could help it.

He startled when he remembered the man who had ran into him, frantic as he turned to see where he had ran-

But he hadn’t gone anywhere.

In fact, he had knocked out just a few steps away on the sidewalk. If that was because of whatever beatdown he endured or from watching Obito eviscerate his attackers, he didn’t know.

What he did know was he was now in an incredibly complicated position.

- Ending Notes

Little thing from between fics I wrote a while back that never got finished, it was originally gonna be multichapter story with LAYERS, but I had more drive for other things. So you guys can have this- I’m unsure if I’ll actually end up continuing or polishing it or anything. I honestly have a few vampire AU fic wips in my arsenal right now aughhhh...

[ladyloveandjustice]

Spring 2024 Anime Overview: Train to the End of the World and Tonari no Yokai-san

Who knows if poor Whisper Me a Love Song (a cute yuri anime about a girl band... with dire animation conditions so it's currently stuck on episode 10 with the last two episodes delayed indefinitely) is ever going to finish, but here’s some my first post reviewing the rest of what I watched.

Delicious in Dungeon continued to kill it with the second half of the season, kicking into high gear and introducing cranky catgirls, but you can see my general thoughts on the show here.

Train to the End of the World

I love bizarre anime, especially bizarre anime starring loveable weird girls, and Train absolutely delivers.

 A teenage girl named Yoka is bullied by a slimy businessman into pushing a button that activates the 7G cellular network across Japan, but said network warps and changes Japan completely, having bizarre effects on the citizens. For example, all the adults in Yoka's hometown have been transformed into animals and are starting to act like animals.

Shizuru is Yoka's best friend, and she said some seriously nasty things to Yoka before her friend left town. Yoka's been missing ever since the 7G incident and Shizuru is desperate to find her and apologize. So when she sees a picture showing Yoka in Ikebukuro, she decides to drive a train to find her, and her friends Reimi, Akira, Nadeshiko, and also her dog come along. As they travel across the warped Japan, they face many weird encounters and obstacles.

Train to the End of the World is greatly entertaining, as we see the girls encounter nihiists with mushrooms growing out of their heads, screaming goatmen that ram into the train and even zombies on their journey. The dialogue is snappy, and the girls all have a fun personalities. As a lover of girls doing silly violence, I also adored how everyone besides Akira (who is the smart one) has ridiculous combat skills, with Shizuru having her own form of martial art, Reimi being physically unstoppable when she's mad, and Nadeshiko might come off as the ladylike bow and error wielder...but actually she also can beat the shit out of people with said bow as a blunt object. It's fun to watch them go wild.

An example of how ridiculous the show can get is the encounter with the zombies--the absolutely bizarre logic is that since zombies are supposed to be dead to all sensation, arousal will make them blow up. Instead of the girls acting sexy to arouse them like most anime would do, they just say dirty words, and Akira recites a whole paragraph from Lady Chatterley's Lover that she apparently memorized, and they sing a hilariously bawdy folk song. This episode DOES contain the show's biggest moment of sexualizing the teenage girls though- a hyper detailed panty shot that was super jarring considering the show avoided fanservice before then.

And the next episode had Nadeshiko forced to don a somewhat skimpy outfit. Those are the only two instances of fanservice, but that episode also had a joke where this character in this children's cartoon come to life's entire gimmick was that she was suicidal. It was probably meant to be "lol look how inappropriate this would be for children" but it still felt fairly mean spirited at times.

Despite those hiccups to watch out for, the anime works because it never forgets it's core theme or friendship--the relationships between the girls are developed at a good pace, and Shizuru's guilt over what she did to Yoka is explored well too. It's not just a ridiculous anime, it has a heart too. So if an anime where a girl punches a bear in the face and arms herself with vegetables appeals to you…check it out!

Tonari No Yokai-san

Tonari no Yokai-san takes place in a world where yokai have integrated into human society. The central characters are Buchio, a cat who became a nekomata after living to twenty, and Jiro, a crow tengu who is close friends with a little girl he calls Mu-chan.

This is a very sweet, gentle series that has some heartwrenching and dark undertones occasionally.  Mu’s father has been lost to an eerie void, and a lot of the stories focus on grief. The immediate comparison tone and content-wise is Natsume’s Book of Friends, but it distinguishes itself by presenting a world where yokai are very much part of society, to the point where they have to do paperwork  and pay taxes. (There was also a confirmation that one character is bisexual when his backstory involves dating a guy yokai, so that was nice, especially since he's currently in a relationship with a car yokai that's probably meant to be romantic? Yes I said car yokai it is his car.)

There’s also some sci-fi elements mixed in with alternate timelines and what not. I think these elements could be integrated more smoothly, but they are pretty novel. It’s a really solid series.

I do love stories about yokai and I thought it was enjoyable and touching, but it didn’t rock my world the way I wanted it to…it might be that it followed too many characters at once so I couldn’t dig into any of them the way I really wanted to. Still, it’s a sweet, tender and pleasant watch, I definitely rec it.

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Rewind, Remix, & Replay Jay & Kim (Bonus) Med 4x6

Read the rest of the series here

This didn’t come out exactly the way I wanted but it will do. NSFW content below! Sorry about the wait. I think writer block is slowly setting in.

Jay had been working on Will’s Bachelor party for weeks. Kim thought it was a good thing considering the friction between the brothers. Jay had been putting a lot of effort into it even though he felt the fact that it was combined with Natalie's bachelorette party and the costume theme was ridiculous. Kim had to agree with the first one- if she ever did end up getting married, she was going out with a bang with all of her girlfriends. The second part however she vehemently disagreed.

She loved Halloween and to dress up. Her attempt to get Jay to do matching costumes had been a complete flop. He was going in a black suit no matter what Kim said. She had decided to pick something dressy to kind of match him. Jessica Rabbit has seemed like the obvious choice and easy to come up with. A red dress with a cut clean up to the hip, red heels and lipstick, and purple arm-length gloves. Jay had stopped and stared when she had entered the venue a low whistle escaping his lips as he eyed her figure appreciatively.

He had come early to finish getting everything ready before all the guests arrived. The party had been in full swing for about an hour now. The place was packed with doctors, nurses, police officers, firefighters, and other friends and family. Everyone was indulging in food, alcohol, and conversation.

Kim was trying to mingle with Natalie after congratulating her on her upcoming wedding. The woman was all smiles but the encounter was awkward. Kim had been trying her best to gain a semblance of friendship with her to no avail. She planned on being with Jay indefinitely. If she and Nat were going to continue spending hockey game nights and holidays together being on friendly terms seemed the best option. That being said the two of them just didn’t seem to click.

Kim downed the last few gulps of her drink to aid the awkwardness she was feeling. “Hey baby,” Kim turned with a start to see Jay. A huge smile took over her face, and she leaned forward for a kiss. Jay pushed back a few tendrils of her hair and pressed another peck to her lips. He slides behind her, his hands wrapped around her waist as they start rocking together to the beat. “Have I told you how incredibly sexy you look in that dress?” The words are whispered against her neck his stubble scraping her skin.

Kim tilted her to give him better access a soft hum of delight leaving her lips. She leans back into him her hands caressing his arms. He kisses her shoulder pulling her tighter back against him. His touch sends a pleasant heat to her lower stomach. Kim feels sexy and the buzz from the alcohol makes her feel bold. She turns in his arms breathing the words against his lips, “You should see what is underneath.”

She slips out of his arms leaving him stunned. Kim only gives him one heated backward glance as she slips around the corner and into the bathroom. Less than a minute passes before Jay joins her. She watches him flip the lock. She sashays slowly over to him stopping only inches from him.

He is on her in an instant. His hand grabs her face and tilts it the way he wants it. His lips are hungry, dominating their kiss. He backs her into the wall and she gasps into his mouth as the chill of the brick hits her skin. His arms cage her in pressing himself tightly against her body. Kim can feel the hardness of his cock rubbing against her with every rock of his hips. Her hands grab at him in a frenzy feeling the muscles of his shoulders bunch as he grabs her thighs and lifts her. She moans wantonly into his mouth as her legs wrap around his waist.

His fingers find her hair tugging on the strands, knowing it drives her wild. Kim throws her head back and he assaults her neck with kisses. They make a path down to her breast flush with where the top of her dress lays. Kim presses down on his shoulders using it as momentum to rock herself more aggressively into him. Curses fall from his lips as his hands palm her ass squeezing it tightly.

Kim pushes the thin straps off of her shoulders allowing her dress to fall bunching at her stomach. Jay wastes no time in finding a nipple, his tongue swirling around the bud. Kim leans back pushing more of her weight against the wall as she arches her back. He leathers attention onto her aching breasts. Kim's eyes are half-lidded watching their forms in the mirror. It’s erotic and she feels a rush of arousal flood her. “Jay,” Her voice is sultry and husky and catches his attention instantly. “I want you to bend me over and fuck me in front of that mirror.”

He groaned, sliding her slowly down his body and back onto her feet. His left hand trailing purposely up her thigh where the slit of her dress reveals creamy pink skin. Kim pulls away from him to go to the counter in front of the mirror. Jay meets her eyes in the mirror as he undoes his belt and jeans as he strides toward her. He doesn’t waste his time removing clothes, he just pushes her dress up and his pants down enough for him to slide inside her. He groans when bare pale skin is revealed to him. No panties. “Are you trying to fucking kill me- but damn you are right- I love what’s underneath-fuck,”

Kim's senses go into overdrive as she arches back into him. Jay was always a tight fit but she is so wet it is an easy slide. She braces her hands on the counter as he starts thrusting roughly inside her. Her gaze drops and she cries out loudly when he shifts just enough the angle changes and hits an unexpectedly sensitive spot inside her. A flood of arousal soaks his cock and her thighs. His hand wraps around her neck squeezing just hard enough to get her attention. “You look at me when I’m fucking you this good.”

The words make her flush from her head to her toes. Her gaze finds his in the mirror again. When his hand starts to release pressure and edge away, she grabs his wrist forcing him to hold her neck tighter. He takes the cue wordless choking her just tight enough to restrict her air. His pace is brutal and they are both rapidly approaching their climaxes. Jay can feel Kim’s core fluttering around his cock. His other hand finds her clit and starts rubbing firm precise circles. Her moans get louder and his grip on her throat tightens. “Quiet or everyone will hear you. Or is that what you want? You want everyone to know how well I fuck you? How good I make you feel? How loud I can make you scream?”

“Jay,” Her cheeks were flushed a beautiful shade of pink, her knuckles white from the grip she had on the counter. Jay could feel her thighs trembling and she was leaning more of her weight against the counter her nipples rubbing against the marble of the countertops.

“That’s it, baby, say my name. Say my name as I make you come all over my cock.” Kim practically screamed his name as she finally came. Her core clenched hard around Jay’s dick as wave after wave of pleasure rolled over her. He continued fucking her through her orgasm and into his own.

He held her tighter as he caught his breath, leaning forward to place a gentle peck on the curve of her neck. Kim turns languishly in his arms leaning back against the counter with her hip. Her hands slide up his chest still fully clothed chest feeling his heartbeat pounding against her palm. Then she steals another slow lazy kiss. Jay fixes her dress, gently pulling the straps back over her shoulders before smoothly the fabric down her sides. He stops at her hips grabbing them and lifting her to sit on the counter.

Kim's hands shoot to his forearms in surprise a giggle echoing in the room. He cups her face using his thumbs to wipe away the red lipstick that had smeared off her lips. Jay leans his forehead against hers. “Kim, I-” His words were lost in a loud knock. Kim smothered another giggle against his throat.

[redgoldsparks]

May Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

The Crane Wife: A Memoir in Essays by CJ Hauser 

This essay collection focuses on human relationships, many of them romantic, but also with grandparents, parents, sisters, best friends, COVID-isolation pods, and with the children of romantic partners from previous relationships. The title essay interweaves the experience of a broken engagement with a scientific expedition to study the dwindling population of whooping cranes in the Gulf Coast of Texas to devastating effect. Another experience, covering the DARPA Robotics Challenge trails, in which teams test out potential robotic first responders, speaks to the author's own desire to both save others and be saved by a string of problematic men. The author dated a lot of men and a few women in their twenties and processes them through the lens of media (the film The Philadelphia Story, the TV show The X-Files,the novels Don Quixote, Rebecca, We Have Always Lived in the Castle) and the perspective gained with time. I really loved this whole collection, but the piece that keeps rolling around in my mind is "The Fox Farm", about trying to recreate an archetype of a child's fantasy house (full of animals, friends, gardens, infinite rooms) in real life as an adult. I left this book wanting to know more- when did the author start using nonbinary pronouns? Have they resolved their feelings about their tits? Is that guest room in their big upstate New York house still available for visiting artists, and if so, how do I apply for the position of resident writer/new friend?

American Teenager: How Trans Kids are Surviving Hate and Finding Joy in a Turbulent Era by Nico Lang

Queer journalist and author Nico Lang traveled around the US to meet 11 families of trans teens and see how anti-trans legislation is impacting their daily lives. Each family has different circumstances; one teen fears his top surgery will be indefinitely delayed, while another had surgery already and has joined the boys swim team at his high school. Some teens are moved to become activists while others want to just live their normal, low-profile lives. With humor and compassion, Lang shows trans teenagers as they really are: kids trying their best, day by day, to grow into their truest selves and fullest potential. The various chapters are by turns deep, silly, introspective, sweet, and smart, just like teens themselves. I was able to read an advanced copy of this book- pre-order it now, or look for it on shelves in October 2024!

Fool’s Assassin by Robin Hobb read by Elliot Hill

NO ONE IS DOING IT LIKE ROBIN HOBB. NO ONE! After a disappointing journey up the Rain Wilds River, baby we are BACK! And by back, I mean, back in a first person POV and back with FitzChivalry, one of my literal favorite fictional characters ever. This is the 7th book about his life, and the 14th overall book in this series, so I won't be summarizing it. Let's just say that Fitz found his happy ending (minus a few key soulmates) and then his life kept going. More problems, more politics, more magic, maybe stranger than ever before. A new character introduced in this series swept in and stole my heart. I can't wait to dive into the next book very soon!

Rose/House by Arkady Martine read by Raquel Beattie  

A brief murder mystery set in an fully conscious AI house in the southwest desert. This story feels in conversation with Ray Bradbury's story The Veldt and has many elements I enjoy, but a somewhat unresolved and slightly unsatisfying ending. I'm honestly still simmering on my thoughts, but looking forward to discussing this in book club soon! Edit post book club: a discussion helped me clarify what I thought was working in this book (tone, setting, themes) and what was not working (too many red herrings for such a short book, and an ending twist that seemed to undercut the book's main premise). I still think it's worth a read for Arkady Marine fans, but it is not as strong as her full length books.

Dances of Time and Tenderness by Julian Carter

In 2016 Julian Carter, a queer author and long-time participant in San Francisco's dungeon kink scene, received an invitation to be part of an archival matchmaking project. The project paired artists, activists, and scholars with specific issues of OUT/LOOK: The National Lesbian and Gay Quarterly. The assignment was to use the issue as a jumping off point to think about queer history and make something "new and provocative." Carter's assigned issue was from Winter 1991, the year the CDC announced 1 million American were HIV positive and AIDS was the 3rd leading cause of death in people aged 25-44 years. One of the many who died in 1991 due to AIDS related complications was Lou Sullivan, one of the first trans men to publicly identify as gay. From this starting point, this book traces paths of queer lineage, both proclaimed and obscured, traveling through history, memory, and poetry. Carter is linked, through friendship or scholarship, to Susan Stryker, pioneer of transgender history, to Zach Ozma, who edited Lou Sullivan's diaries for publication, and to Lou himself. Casting a transgender eye back on a queer history divided sharply into gay and lesbian, Carter allows himself to claim as ancestors sailors, skeletons, writers, lovers, and reaches forward in time towards students, readers, and artists. Including me. I was fortunate enough to be gifted an early copy by the author, and read it back in February back in one delicious rush. I already want to read it again, and more slowly, this time underlining and annotating it. This is a book to savor, but is easy to devour instead. It's sensual and surprising, formally precise, and made me want to dig around in a mess of queer historical papers and also contribute my own to the pile. It's out on June 4, 2024; give it a pre-order or look for it on shelves soon!

49 Days by Agnes Lee 

Kit, a young Korean American woman, wakes up on a beach with a map and a watch telling her she's already late. For days, she clambers over rocks and up trails, reaching for an undefined goal. Slowly, the book begins to flash back to Kit's childhood and family, the people she loved and left behind after her accidental death. In Buddhist tradition a soul travels for 49 days before rebirth, and this book follows one version of that path, the grief and slow healing that follow a loss. Drawn in a very simple yet evocative style, the spare ink lines and limited color fill this journey with meaning.

Early Riser by Jasper Fforde read by Thomas Hunt 

What a bizarre and delightful novel. It's set in an alternate history in which ice-age level cold spells cause the majority of humans to hibernate every winter, which has ripple effects on the development of technology, societal rules, culture, and family structures. Charlie Worthing was born in a "pool" in the independent nation of Wales, or a group home in which nuns dedicated to reproduction birth and raise dozens of children, in returns for credits from those who can't or don't want to have their own kids. Charlie has very few job prospects, especially ones that will give him access to morphanox, a drug which helps most people survive their months-long winter sleeps. The drug also turns about 1 in 3000 into a brain-dead zombie, but this risk is considered better odds than sleeping without it. So Charlie volunteers for the Winter Consuls, the law-keepers and problem-solvers who stay up all winter to safe guard the majority. There he has to face the three well documented dangers of winter- Vacants (zombies), Villains (the British) and Winter Volk (fairies, whose reality is debated), as well as rumors of a viral dream. The humor in this book is a close cousin to Terry Pratchett's work, in which absurdity and invention mask some pretty biting social commentary and anti-capitalist motives. I did think some of the twists at the end didn't quite pay off, however, I had such a good time with the ride this book took me on that I'd still recommend it.

Blue Flag vol 2 by Kaito 

This vol has already taken a kind of melancholy, bittersweet narrative tone which might put me off the series. I still really like the characters and overall think the writing is very effective, out I wish the humor and sweetness of book 1 would last farther into the series!

Critical Role: The Mighty Nein Origins: Jester Lavorre by Sam Maggs, Laura Bailey, Matthew Mercer, Hunter Severn Bonyun, Cathy Le, Ariana Maher

Short and sweet, this prequel comic shows Jester's first meeting with The Traveler, the prank that caused her need to flee from Nicodranas, and a window into Jester's relationship with her mother. It's a slight story but I loved the artwork, especially the outfits and the beautiful city views.

The Book of Love by Kelly Link

Kelly Link, one of my favorite short story authors, debuted a novel 650 pages long. I bought this the day of release but it took me a few months to actually crack it open. I'd seen it described as slow, but I think I'd say leisurely. It opens with an intriguing premise- four teenagers come back from the dead, not knowing how they died or why they were brought back 11 months later- and have to solve a magical problem if they want to keep living. But the book is less a mystery than a close examination of the teens lives in a small New England town in December. The teens include Danial, oldest of many step-siblings, who rejects his new magical powers and just wants to live a small and ordinary life. There's Mo, who lost his parents young, and was being raised by his grandmother, a famous Black romance novelist- who herself died during the 11 months he spent in an underworld. There's Laura, a musically ambitious teen, who comes back to her single mom and sister Susannah, who seems somehow entangled with the magical ritual that killed and might save her friends. And then there's a fourth person who none of the others know, who snuck out of death on their coat tails and has no name and few memories. The book rotates POVs every chapter, with more than 15 different POVs, some of whom only appear once in the whole volume. I love Link's writing style so this worked for me, but I can see how this choice to linger over details not directly related to the plot might not work for some readers. I really enjoyed this but it did take me 3 weeks to read it and I suggest other readers pick it up when ready for a slow burn of a book.

Plain Jane and the Mermaid by Vera Brosgol 

This original fairytale opens with teenage Jane mourning the recent death of her parents, after she already lost her younger brother to the sea as a child. Because there's no male heir, Jane's horrible cousin will be kicking her out of the house in a week. The only option she can see is marrying within the week so that she can access her dowry. So Jane walks down to the fishing village below her manor and proposes to a beautiful but shallow fisherman's son. He accepts- then is immediately lured under the waves by a mermaid. Jane runs into the town asking for help but only an old woman with witchy vibes is willing to aid her. The crone gives Jane a potion so she can breathe underwater, a stone which will allow her to walk on the bottom of the ocean, and a shawl to keep her warm in the depths. So armed, Jane walks into the sea after the boy who feels like her only hope. Under the waves she encounters allies and enemies, learns the true power of her own will, and realizes she might have more choices than she's realized.

Blue Flag vol 3 by Kaito

Well, I started another book because the last one ended on a massive cliff hanger, but I think I'm setting the series down after this one. I still think it's very well written, but the main character has such low self-esteem that he shouts at other characters that he sucks, he's a jerk, he doesn't deserve their friendship and they should leave him alone. I bet the arc of this series will be building this character up to where he believes he deserves their love and friendship, but I just don't feel like dwelling in this character's self-pity at the moment. I would have eaten this shit up as a teen though! Especially with the queer characters.

The Free People’s Village by Sim Kern

Set in an alternate timeline in which Al Gore won the 2000 election and declared the War on Climate Change instead of the War on Terror, this novel is an interesting mix of hopeful and dystopian elements. The main character is Maddie Ryan, a white high school English teacher working in a primarily Black neighborhood in Houston, TX. The novel is Maddie's written account of a tumultuous year in which the grungy music warehouse where her punk band practices and performs is threatened by a proposed high way and oil line which will rip up not only their art space but also a historically Black neighborhood. Maddie starts attending activist meetings which quickly morph into a full blown protest encampment surrounding the warehouse. Dubbed the Free People Village, this protest movement goes viral and is met with the exact same kind of violent police response as the current student encampments protesting for Palestine on college campuses. Woven through this depressingly accurate political forecast are multiple queer love stories, interracial friendships, a 101 crash course in anarchist philosophy and bracing look at what long-term activism takes. Folks with more of an organizing or activist background than I might find some of this book a bit basic; but I was completely drawn in by the relationships and conflicts of Maddie, Red, Gestas, Angel, and Shayna. This book feels almost painfully timely, and I hope a lot of people read it and gain both courage and perspective.

[edgy-ella]

I recently rewatched Invader Zim with @allshaftsfall, and something dawned on me that I should’ve realized years ago: Irkens have really weak backs/spines.

Or at least, it gets worse the taller they get, exponentially more so than with humans. The only tall Irkens we ever see in the series are the Tallest (obviously) and Sizz-Lorr, all of which are noticeably hunched over.

Sure, you could argue that Sizz-Lorr’s weird hunchback comes from his abnormally large PAK and the Tallest’s poor posture comes from the extreme corseting done to their midsections, but that in turn raises another question: why in god’s name would you ever fuck up your spine like that in a society where your status is determined by your height?

This stood out to me as weird for the Tallest in particular, because height is their status, so you’d think they’d be doing everything in their power to make themselves look as tall as possible rather than the opposite. It’s also something not unique to Red and Purple—concept art shows that Miyuki and Spork, the two previous Tallests before the current duo, had the same thing going on.

Hell, even Tak, who is barely taller than Zim, doesn’t always stand up straight.

This mostly applies when she’s in her human disguise, but still. Her height wouldn’t expose her as an alien—nobody cares about Zim’s more damning features, and Dib has classmates much taller than she would be standing up straight—so she doesn’t have anything to gain by slouching. To me, it seems like she feels like she has to consciously stand up straight when out of disguise, interacting with other Irkens (as someone with scoliosis, I can relate), but feels more relaxed as a human where height isn’t that big of a deal.

Before anyone calls bullshit on Tak ever slouching, look at her posture here compared to Gaz.

None of this is an art style thing, either. The humans in the series, both tall and short, stand significantly straighter. The only human I can think of off the top of my head that slouches is Ms. Bitters, and we don’t even know if she is human.

So, what does this all mean? Why’s this important? Well, to me, it begs the question: if the Irkens end up with significantly worse posture the taller they get, why does their society run on a height-based hierarchy? It’s already a silly concept, and the fact that Irkens already seem to have weak backs is just the cherry on top.

To me, this says that this is not naturally a part of Irken culture, and that the Control Brains put it in place whenever they assumed total control of the species, and it seems like it’s there in order to make the Irkens more reliant on the Control Brains. You can’t expect to have a stable leadership if your rulers are chosen arbitrarily, so the people supposedly in charge have to rely on the giant supercomputers to handle all the hard stuff for them. We already knew that the Control Brains were these shadowy figures controlling everything from the shadows, and this is just doubling down on that. And the implications there are wild: were the Control Brains originally made by other Irkens, only for their AI to gain sentience and weaken the Irkens biologically, socially, and culturally? Were the Control Brains made by a completely different race, only to appear like gods before primitive Irkens and force themselves upon them? If so, what happened to whatever race made the Control Brains? What’s the Control Brains’ overall purpose? How far does this “meat shield used to carry the PAK around” thing go?

Unfortunately we are never ever getting any answers to these questions because the franchise is in indefinite hibernation right now and they didn’t tackle the Control Brains in any meaningful capacity when they had the chance in either Enter the Florpus or the comics. But it’s fun to think about!

[vegaseatsass]

My Stand-in Ep 4 spoilers

Now for a happy post! My Stand-In doing intimate partner violence and toxicity correctly, and by correctly I mean so so sexily <3 Loving this series a lot and recommending it to all my friends lmao. Certainly did not expect it to escalate to this level. My inner Vegas bitch is purring. Just a few notes I wanted to touch on before I get to read what everyone else is saying!

This is now a Wut hate blog! Wowie! Imagine hearing your mentee friend sweetiepie nong was knocked out and chained up in a basement by his deranged (a-affectionate) ex, and reacting like whew! Thank GOD you didn't stand me up on purpose! Lol ya know, I suspected your abusive partner was maybe abusing you, it feels so good to be vindicated in this :') I knew you were a good egg! Anyyyyyyway, no I CAN'T do a thing for you, I staunchly point blank refuse to do anything to support you now that you're isolated, blacklisted, vulnerable, financially desperate and alone. FIND YOUR OWN MEANS OF FINANCIAL SECURITY BUDDY oh but if you do something risky just know I'll be very mad at you and reject you as my nong and isolate you even harder <3 hope this helps!

Don't get me wrong I love Joe's abusive partner though <3 what a man <3 LOVE that his first line of defense is negging. You? Break up with me? Loser! I'm better than you! Lmao like the reason Joe can't believe Ming loves him even when he does start trying to tell him that he loves him isn't just that their whole relationship started as a proxyfucker situation and a lie. It's because Ming spent their whole relationship telling Joe he didn't love him!! :') :') :') They literally both just want someone to be nice to them for five seconds and Joe is able to be nice for five thousand seconds but Ming can't pull it off for more than a minute at a time before trying to get control of the situation again by being a dick. Until his boyfriend is presumed dead. LOVE THAT FOR HIM <3333333

Ming and Sol pulling each other's hair and like having a full-on cat fight was honestly hilarious, 10/10 no notes every show about trained buff men should have slap fights. for ME

Lastly!! the real reason I wanted to post is just how fascinating I find Joe's swing from "we're in love and we're going to get married" the first time Ming smiles at him into "you're full of shit Ming! Don't lie and tell me you actually care about me, I KNOW I was just a sex doll to you and you always loved Tong only!" Like I said, I think Ming playing it cool their entire relationship did not do him any favors re: convincing Joe at this late and chained-up stage that he was actually cared about lmaooooo but I am also torn between thinking that if Ming HAD been able to convince Joe he loved him in that moment, Joe would have sincerely fucked him with the chains on, and let Ming keep him there indefinitely as his basement boyfriend... and between thinking Joe's all-or-nothing reaction to Ming's affections was self-protective survival instinct, getting him the fuck out of there even if a small part of him not only wanted to believe Ming but did believe Ming in that moment. Like he couldn't LET himself believe Ming BECAUSE he needed to not give into the unhinged toxicity, rather than because he actually doesn't think it's possible for Ming to have started out using him but come to love him. Or maybe it's his broken heart and hurt pride that make it impossible to allow that his honeymoon period with Ming was fake but what came after it was real on Ming's end. Does any of that sense? What do u think?

I know nothing about what happens in the novel and that's making this an incredibly incredibly wild and fun ride but also may mean my interpretations are missing very obvious-to-the-readers context. Alas! But I am truly having a ball.

[yepthatsacowalright]

Doctor Who, The Process Of Healing From Trauma, and Me: A Text Post Essay No One Asked For

Back in 2006ish, when I first started watching Doctor Who as a teenager in late high school/early college, it captivated me mind, body, and soul. I ate that early 2000s, broody-complex-hero shit up.

I loved that the Doctor grappled with the guilt and regret from some truly fucked up shit he did, and I loved that he gave the middle finger to it by going on wild, ridiculous-special-effects-ed adventures instead of attempting the mortifying ordeal of opening up about it.

I'm sure, judging by how popular the 2005 version of the show became, a lot of my generation felt similar. 9/11 hadn’t been that long ago. We were coming of age and starting to sense that the world kind of sucked major ass, and perhaps the older generations had been super lying to us about most things this whole time.

As such, Rose Tyler was living the dream as far as I was concerned. Abandoning her place in this bullshit society to go help people and save lives with someone who never settled, who always ran towards the darkness, who found ways to laugh and dance in it even…Rose's lifestyle was goals.

Not only did the Ninth and Tenth Doctor's struggle to opening up about what they'd been through or forgive themselves for it not bother teen me at all, I preferred it. It was understandable and relatable. I wasn't ready to actually look at and deal with any of my own problems either, I just didn't want to pretend like I had none. Admitting there's a problem is the first step, and that's where Nine, Ten, Rose, and me all hung out and had fun.

Rose’s "death" was when I started to feel differently. It wasn't that I didn't still enjoy the show - I kept watching through Martha and Donna's seasons, and also a little bit into Eleven's run - but it wasn't the same. I could never quite get over the loss of Rose, or how the Doctor chose to get over it by doing what he always did - ignore and repress.

It had been much easier to watch the Doctor do this with trauma when I didn't know much about what he'd been through, but every time he avoided the topic of Rose, or minimized who she was, it pissed me off. It felt bad to watch him do that to the memory of someone who mattered.

I was starting to realize that just admitting you had problems wasn't sustainable. I couldn't stay on that first step indefinitely, and Doctor Who didn't feel like it was my show anymore, which was fine. After all, it's a family-friendly series. An episode on intergalactic talk therapy is not going to be a hit with the kids.

I was off to have the one adventure the Doctor never could - to understand and manage my own mental health. Learning about psychology, learning about trauma, going to therapy. I processed, I surprised myself, I found new stories to obsess over that resonated with a different, older version of me.

Whenever I popped back into Doctor Who, it felt more nostalgic than anything else. It reminded me of how I used to feel, and how far I'd come. I had that bittersweet feeling of wishing I could connect with it the way I used to, but being grateful that the reason I couldn't was a positive, therapeutic one.

And then…the 60th Anniversary Specials.

David Tennant didn’t even do anything that different in his performance, and he admits as much in interviews. Trying to replicate what he did as the Tenth wouldn't make sense because he isn't the Tenth, and trying to do something completely new wouldn't make sense because then why bring back David at all?

He just played the role as an actor who's lived 10 more years since the last time he played the role, and brother that shit hit me hard.

All the natural, subtle, perhaps subconscious changes in him made me feel the weight of slightly too many years passing. Despite knowing I am relatively young, l’m at a point in my life where I, for the first time, feel old.

Gray hairs and smile lines that were only on the faces of grownups are now on the faces of me and my friends. I know I don't know it all, and also realize I know even less than I thought I did. Love feels deeper, loss feels heavier. I'm compelled to express feelings of gratitude and affection I used to always keep to myself. Oh, is that who I am now?

I love that the Doctor's body didn't just go back to Ten's face, but to an aged version of Ten's face. A version that would align with the aged version of Donna's. I know this was not a creative choice, it was literally just what David and Catherine look like now, but how perfect for time itself to play a role in the story, too.

I love that the Doctor, at last, had to catch up with what his body was telling him. To notice his feelings and learn what those feelings meant. Like the title of one of my favorite (and extremely relevant to this this post) books says, the body keeps the score.

And I loved the bi-generation.

I loved that Fourteen made the choice to stop and ask his friends to help him do it.

I know that RTD proposed a theory that in that moment all the previous regenerations became bi-generations as well, but I like the idea that all the others could have bi-generated, but didn't. They weren't ready to look at themselves, or ask for that help from anyone. Not until now.

And I love love LOVE Ncuti Gatwa as Fifteen. I love that the healed next Doctor is a millennial. That he is a Doctor who can freely say he loved his friends, he loved Rose, can tell his former self, "I love you."

The show's become such a beautiful portrayal of generational trauma and healing that did not know that's what it was until its end.

And now, it begins again.

[mintly]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

Oh I only just saw this!!!!! Exciting!!! Thank you for sending 💖

These aren't necessarily in my favorite order but here we go!!!

Rupture and Rapture

Good Omens (E)

Pompeii!!!!! Secrecy! Aziraphale eating Crowley out! Destruction of entire cities! All good things djfjdjd. This one was such a challenge to write while sticking to my theme, but also really fun! I'm super proud of how it turned out, and I think the care with the word choice shows! I also learned a lot of volcano terminology which is always a plus.

Sentiments of Great and Indefinite Scale

Good Omens (T, might be M one day who knows)

Is it weird to share a WIP?? I love this fic it is like my sweet child who I nurture by providing many, many shenanigans.

They're in a relationship but Crowley doesn't know it. Somehow. An endless series of misunderstandings. It's goofy, it's goopy, it's banter and romance (OR IS IT) through history.

It's really a blast to write—and I know it's taking me forever but I PROMISE I will finish it. I swear it to you. I am taking your hand and looking into your eyes and promising you it will be completed. I love it soooo much.

Glasshouses

Good Omens (T)

There's something about the vibe of this one that still compels me! I love writing little scenes from their past, imagining where their relationship might be, alluding to what's to come, and using history as a way to parallel that journey. This one takes place during the Industrial Revolution, and I had a really fun time using that transitional period with Aziraphale, wary of change, and Crowley, risk-taker extraordinaire. Plus a greenhouse??? I just love fun settings honestly.

Dessert First

Good Omens (T) - By 11 talented people and also me

I just think everyone should read it because my co-authors are some of the kindest, most talented people I know!!! A collection of sweet vignettes through ineffable history!

I wrote chapter 10, which I am proud of, but I also made all the chapter title cards as a surprise for everyone. The art especially was a really fun exercise in matching tone to style, and every time someone comments about the title cards it makes my whole day! Just a lot of really lovely memories associated with this one ❤️

Dealt a Soft Hand

Our Flag Means Death (M)

My only ofmd fic, but I am super fond of it!!! Also, I had always dreamed of writing a 10k+ M fic 😂 It's a wild, joyous ride from start to finish through Las Vegas. It's about leaning in and doing something wild when it feels Right and having fun being yourself! It's also kind of a love letter to doing cringey tourist things—I fully believe that leaning into an experience is always more fun than not doing it at all. I love traveling, and while I enjoy an authentic local experience too, you can also catch me doing the silly, expected things. ✨

[kendrixtermina]

These fake pretentious posts about how that one person „would have liked Amys story better if she chose to quit travelling“ make me so mad.

For all that they throw around sanctimonious like „agency“ they really, really don’t get it.

The great thing about Amy’s story, and the reason I love it, is that it’s one big fuck you to this toxic-ass idea that „growing up“ is synonymous with abandoning your passions & becoming boring & conventional.

Which is something that sends ppl to therapy in droves regardless of gender because they quit everything that that brought them joy & focussed only on productiveness or obligation but which women get especially hit with.

At the start, she is under the illusion that her two choices are to keep her adventurous lifestyle that fits her free-spirited nature, OR to marry Rory and settle down in a conventional way, which is exactly why she is reluctant to commit & gets cold feet before the wedding.

But that supposed choice is shown to be illusory:

In the end, she can marry Rory & commit to him AND have an exciting life of adventure. Adulthood doesn’t HAVE to mean giving up your passions.

Are you seriously telling me that everyone should eventually give up a life where they see wild new things every day?

I wouldn’t. Some might decide after a while that they’d like more stability or get fed up with awful sights; – it depends on their personally obviously, but is it strange that some wouldn’t quit?

Certainly IRL many ppl have a formative wild phase in their youth & then call it quits, but there’s many that seek thrills & novelties all their lives.

Amy got a choice: Her choice was to stay indefinitely & try to balance both conventional adulthood & her love of adventure. It’s the one she makes in ‚The Big Bang‘ and one she re-examines but ultimately reaffirms after reexamining it in ‚The Power of Three‘.

Of course things still end, because everything ends (especially in a live action show where the actors have limited contract lenghts) but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t a choice – it’s just that, if you chose to stick it out to the bitter end, that logically means that eventually circumstance is gonna hit. (As it did for Rose, Donna and Clara, who also preferred to stay indefinitely)

‚The Angels Take Manhattan‘ was really about giving her a chance to show her devotion to Rory. At the start of series 7 in ‚Asylum of the Daleks‘ we learn that she has become very aware of how much Rory is sacrificing for the relationship & how much he’s compromised for her sake when she hasn’t always been her best self to him, & that she wants to pay him back or make it up to him – but there of course she makes the very common relationship mistake of assuming what the other person wants without actually talking to them, & it ends in the temporary divorce thing, which is not at all what he would want.

But over the course of their entanglement with the Angels, he communicates very clearly that the one thing he doesn’t want is to be stranded somewhere without her, so when that happens, she goes with him so he won’t be alone, repaying his devotion.

It finishes up the whole ‚life cycle motif‘ we had going on with her, from meeting her as a little girl, seeing her grow up & get married, have a kid, try various careers, get to the point where she needs reading glasses etc. to the point that she seems more mature than the Doctor towards the end, so it makes sense to end this with us following her till she dies of old age -

That said, I object to this characterization of her as a mere victim. All things considered she had as good a life as anyone: She lived to her 80s, had a long & happy marriage, adopted a kid, finally found a job that she liked enough to stick with, & became a famous writer. Yeah, it sucks that Rory was separated from Brian, there’s some irreversible bittersweetness there, especially in what happened to River, but all in all this isn’t a sad story at all. By her own words, she & Rory were happy in the end;

It’s just sad for the Doctor cause he can’t see them anymore, & he has this whole difficulty with accepting endings. (all kinda leading up to when he gets lectured about this by Ashildr & when he meets River again he realized how much his avoidance hurt her feelings – though he gets a chance to fix it.)

Amy could accept it (at least when the alternative was leaving Rory stranded), indeed in the farewell letter they come off almost parental, like they’re more worried about him than anything else.

You gotta have some reading comprehension & separate what he believes about himself from what the narrative actually shows us.

Since the Time War he’s had this huge guilt complex, and Davros’ breaking speech in Journey’s End about how he makes everyone worse really hit him hard, especially since he’s forced to mindwipe Donna right after -

But it’s worth noting that it’s very different from what the companions themselves are shown to believe, just the previous episode Rose was talking about how he had a positive influence & most & Donna says she’d rather die than have that impact erased.

He was gonna go at it alone after losing Donna, but that went very badly, & then he’s slightly out of it from the regeneration & hitting it off with Amy & his resolve crumbles.

Quite the opposite from how that poster characterizes it, he tries to extricate himself multiple times & it’s the Ponds who aren’t having it, & say, „Nah dude, you’re our friend, you’re part of the family“ & actually that’s beautiful. Even after she gets married he’s still her friend, & even after she comes to see him more realistically & less through a lens of admiration in the God complex, he’s still her friend.

[casey-complains]

I know the argument could be made that the Sides were roleplaying Inside Out and so technically they didn't need to sound like themselves but ooh boy, I watched newest Asides and when Roman appeared I had no idea who he was supposed to be. And when Virgil showed up I literally would have not known it was him if it wasnt the eyeshadow. Like the Sides in the 2016-2020 vids all have very distinct voice inflections and word usage that helps define them as their own unique characters but the only Side whose voice felt distinct and true to themselves was Remus to a degree.

Even when they were "themselves" again, they didnt sound like themselves. It was so bizarre, it was like watching one of those AI deepfake videos.

And as much as I'd like to see the finale, I'm not sure if I want to see it with these versions of the characters. And in regards to this past year's "content" like, yeah I would've loved seeing some lighthearted filler content with the Sides several years back that were non-main series related, but this current year of Asides content has made it increasingly harder not to feel like Thomas is ready to move on creatively from SaSi, but he isn't willing to admit that to fans. Or at least be honest with fans that he wants to pursue other projects and maybe one day return to SaSi to give a finale.

In contrast to other content creators who are honest with their fans that there was a time they created "x content" and now they find it more fulfilling to create "y content", it just feels incredibly shitty for him to string fans along knowing his Sides content does more views than anything else (and im sorry but my toxic conspiracy theory is that there was a genuine spinoff series featuring Sasi!Roman but Thomas scrapped it and "refurbished" the idea to be Roleslaying and misled fans into thinking it was the spinoff sasi series because it would get the sasi fans in the door) and act passive-aggressive when fans express interest in Sasi content since he hasnt outright said anything about his feelings regarding SaSi.

Something of interest to note, Thomas was on a recent Smosh vid a few weeks back and when they did their usual spiel of "what can people expect to find you", he didnt promote Sanders Sides at all, just Roleslaying and his shorts content, which is like,,,, absolutely wild. I know Sanders Sides is on indefinite hiatus but if that doesnt show that he really wants new people who finds him to focus on his ongoing dnd series than SaSi, Idk what will.

i literally have nothing to add, you said it all perfectly

[partmathpartmagic]

The Gift

Rielle/Astarion | 4/? chapters | no smut just sad | read on AO3

Rielle hasn't seen Astarion for two centuries, and then he shows up at her art show (where several of the paintings are of him) for a painful reunion.

“Why did you name them what you did? The paintings of me?” She shook her head and smiled, looking to the side. “The first time you fed on me, you said ‘This is a gift, you know. I won’t forget it.’ And, I don’t know, I suppose it came to mind as I painted memories of you. Gifts are something you give freely, without expecting anything in return, and if I think of my love for you in those terms it’s a little less… painful. So, the series about how I love you is called The Gift.”

Chapter 1: Opening (next chapter)

“Wow, you’re 300 years old?? You look so young!”

Rielle had been hoping her tight smile would come off as friendly, but not so friendly that it invited more conversation. Either she missed the mark or this girl was too oblivious for her own good.

“That’s incredible, I can’t imagine what that must be like. You must be so smart. I feel like I’d really have my shit together if I could live for 300 years.”

There it is, Rielle thought. “That’s a common misconception, actually. It’s not really linear like that. You learn a lot, but you also outlive a lot of people, and that sort of messes you up all over again. Some of the most messed up people I’ve ever met were centuries old.”

“Wow, that’s wild.” The girl was nodding, but she clearly wasn’t listening. Rielle could say anything right now and this girl would agree.

It wasn’t the first time she’d had this conversation with a human. It wasn’t even the 500th. Most of them ended this way, with her gently trying to correct their assumptions and them ignoring her to continue living in their fantasy versions of the world. She couldn’t blame them. If humans didn’t want to spend time unpacking their preconceived notions about a lifestyle they would never have the chance to live anyway, she could let them have that. It was annoying, but it wasn’t hurting anyone really. Of course, that didn’t mean she needed to indulge this girl indefinitely.

Rielle gently excused herself to keep wandering around the crowded gallery. It was busier than the average opening, definitely. Dozens of conversations blended into a roar as voices echoed off the tiled floor. It was a nice space, but loud, and that made it more overwhelming. She sipped her wine as she walked, hoping it would dull the experience for her a bit.

She recognized a few faces as she wandered, but no one acknowledged her. That was just fine. That was part of the reason she used a pseudonym for her work. One thing centuries of life had taught her was that art and fame were a volatile combination. And so, it was Tav Joren who had painted the many works adorning the walls, not Rielle. Over the last couple decades, Tav had earned herself quite the reclusive and mysterious reputation. All anyone seemed to know about her was that she had been present at the Battle of Baldur’s Gate 200 years ago and had known The Heroes, the group of companions who had taken down an elder brain and saved the city.

The work on display tonight portrayed those very companions, which had not gone unnoticed by the reviewer from the Gazette. “This anonymous artist has evoked the likenesses of some of our city’s most beloved figures, rendered all the more intimate for their abstraction,” they’d written. The reviewer had concluded that this work was her “least obscure and most accessible work yet.” She hadn’t been sure at first, but apparently that was a good thing.

It never failed to amuse her, the way people wrote about her art. All she’d been trying to do was paint her memories. They tended to come in flashes, a crinkle of an eye, a brush of a shoulder, a teardrop sliding down a cheek. So, that’s what she had painted. It really wasn’t that deep.

Regardless, the local history connection combined with the positive review had drawn a crowd, and Rielle wasn’t complaining. She had bills to pay, and abstract portraiture wasn’t always the moneymaker she needed it to be.

She continued around the room, occasionally pausing behind people who were considering one of her paintings to hear their thoughts. It seemed the “Gift” series was everyone’s favorite, which she had to agree with. Those paintings were the ones that had started this entire body of work for her. They were displayed in a side room to keep them together. Rielle passed a group of young adult halflings exiting the room and gushing about how they’d “fallen in love with a bunch of paint on canvas” and how “his eyes are so mysterious and sad??” She smiled to herself. She’d nailed his likeness, then.

Halsin’s portraits were drawing a lot of attention, but he made regular appearances in the city, so people recognized him. He was the only member of their group, actually, who lived publicly as a “Hero.” She and Shadowheart preferred to keep their heads down, and he didn’t seem to mind. The only other person still alive was Astarion, and though he was also recognizable to people (unlike Rielle or Shadowheart, who had aged and changed their hair over the years), he’d never spoken publicly about his experience fighting the Absolute. Since Wyll had died many, many years ago, Halsin had happily worked on his own to preserve their history and make sure no member of their group was forgotten. She passed a portrait of Wyll now, a flash of his stone eye in the firelight the night he’d asked her for a dance, and her heart ached. It never went away, the feeling of missing them. After all these years, it still hurt sometimes.

She cleared her throat and looked away. Maybe it was time for a fresh drink.

As she passed the makeshift bar in the corner opposite the entrance, Rielle swapped her empty glass for a full one, pausing to strategize. She knew the cast of characters who attended art openings in the city fairly well by now, and they all assumed she hung around so much because she worked at some gallery or another and left her alone. She liked most of them well enough, though there were some whose opinions on art she valued over others. Her eyes fell on Oskar’s something-great grandson. He never missed an opening, much to her dismay. As usual, he was looking down his nose at all the work and commenting loudly that “it’s just a bit simplistic, that’s all. A noble attempt, though.” Rielle snorted into her glass. Says the man who exclusively paints nudes of women he’s slept with lounging on beds. Real groundbreaking work, that.

Her eyes fell next on a tall, blue-skinned tiefling in a loose, colorful robe. Sklada, her manager. Sklada had bribed a gallery owner some 10 years ago to tell her the real name of the artist who’d done all the “sad pretty portraits” on display, and from there had tracked Rielle down and forced her way into representing her. Rielle had been resistant at first, but she was quickly forced to admit that it made anonymity easier having someone to contact galleries for her. The only people in the world who knew she was Tav were Sklada, Halsin, and Shadowheart. It was probably their 50th opening together, and her manager had not always been great at subtlety (she stood close to 7 feet tall and seemed to be allergic to flat shoes and neutral colors, so that wasn’t surprising), but she had figured it out eventually. Now, the tiefling calmly excused herself from the group she’d been talking to and made her way over to the bar, greeting Rielle as if she were a casual acquaintance and not a client/friend/godfather to her son. After 300 years of life, Rielle didn’t go out of her way to let new people into her life, but Sklada had stubbornly insisted, and she was glad.

“Hello, sweetheart!” The tiefling leaned an elbow against the bar and smiled down at Rielle. “Quite a turnout, isn’t it?”

Rielle smiled as she looked out over the crowd. “It really is, Sklada. You did a great job promoting it.”

“Please, this work sells itself.”

Rielle rolled her eyes, but smiled at the compliment.

“You know,” Sklada continued, “I hadn’t seen all of this work together until the gallery finished hanging it all this morning. It’s really something, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so.”

Sklada clicked her tongue and shook her head. “No, it is. And the ‘Gift’ series, do you know the story behind that one?”

Rielle sighed. She had avoided getting into it the several other times they’d discussed this body of work, but she’d had a couple drinks now and her tongue was feeling slightly looser.

“I think.. I think the artist said he was the person she was closest to.”

“Mm, interesting. But they’re not together now?”

Rielle laughed bitterly. “No, no, he has made it very clear he wants to leave all that behind and wants nothing to do with her.”

Sklada took a thoughtful sip of her drink, keeping her eyes on Rielle. When it became clear that was all the information she was going to get, she nodded and looked back out at the crowd.

“Well, at least it seems like the artist has made peace with the situation and isn’t still making tragic paintings about it. Oh, wait…”

Rielle gave her a playful shove, and Sklada graciously pretended to be knocked off balance, laughing.

“Listen, the best art humbles the artist, right? And look at all these young people falling in love with this man based on some portraits, you’ve really done something! Not sure what, but it’s definitely something.”

Rielle rolled her eyes. “I have not done anything, have I Sklada?”

“Oh gods, alright, the artist has done something. Either way, after all this mess is over tonight you’re coming home with me and we’re going to eat and toast to the artist’s success and annoy the shit out of my wife who has likely just gotten our baby to sleep, yes?”

Rielle smiled to herself. It was nice, feeling like she was part of a family. It had been a long time. It felt that way still when she visited Shadowheart or Halsin, but Halsin had a few centuries on her and Shadowheart was a half-elf, so neither of them were up for much late night carousing anymore. “Oh, Sklada, I forgot Halsin said he might come tonight. There’s some midsummer event happening this whole week at the inn, but he said he would try and make it afterward.”

The tiefling’s face lit up. “Oh amazing, I haven’t seen him in ages! If you see him tell him he’s invited to the afterparty, will you? If I bring him with me maybe Mir won’t be so mad at me. I keep telling her to just admit she’s in love with him, I mean who isn’t? But she insists I’m imagining things, but I know my wife, Rielle, and…”

As her friend launched into a familiar rant, Rielle saw a flash of white out of the corner of her eye. Her heart stopped as it always did, holding for a beat and then redoubling somewhat painfully. Her stomach flipped. She would have thought after a couple centuries it would get old, this dance of hope and grief that her body did every time she saw someone with white hair, but apparently not. She noted with annoyance that her heart was in her throat now, and she didn’t bother trying to stop her eyes from tracking down whatever non-vampire non-Astarion she’d just seen. Probably just a drow or someone making a fashion statement, but she knew from experience that her mind wouldn’t rest until it proved she’d been mistaken.

However, she realized as her heart fell into her stomach, that might be an issue this time.

Because as her eyes finally landed on white hair, they also landed on someone who was indisputably, unmistakably Astarion. He was drawing stares, magnetic as ever, but his red eyes, red eyes she hadn’t seen in hundreds of years, were fixed on her.

Rielle’s body was reacting before her mind had even processed what was happening. There was a rushing in her ears and sudden tears pricking at her eyes, and she could feel her face flushing. She felt as if the earth had fallen from under her but she was still suspended briefly in midair, waiting to fall. The fall was certainly coming, though.

In her many imagined versions of this moment she had been calm, articulate. She had spoken to him as if he was a stranger, told him exactly what he’d put her through. As she looked at him now, her fantasies fell to pieces. It had been a long two centuries. She wanted to kiss him as badly as she wanted to kill him, and that was no small amount.

She felt a hand on her arm. “Sweetheart, are you okay? What just happened?” Sklada had cut off her rant and was speaking softly now, like she was afraid Rielle was going to pass out. And, well, that wasn’t out of the question. Rielle couldn’t tear her eyes away from Astarion, blinking several times in the hopes that he was some sort of hallucination.

“Shit,” she whispered, and Sklada followed her line of sight, landing on the man with a sharp intake of breath.

“Hells, is that–?” She likely wasn’t the only person recognizing the pointed ears and white hair from the portraits in the side gallery. He was one of Rielle’s paintings, come to life.

Rielle fumbled around behind her to try and put her drink on the bar. “I have to–I’m sorry, Sklada, I just–”

Her friend grabbed the glass from her hand and put a reassuring hand on her back. “It’s fine, sweetheart. Do you want me to come with you?”

“Um…” Rielle couldn’t get her mind to function properly. “No, no, it’s fine. I’ll go see what he wants.” She didn’t like worrying her friend like this, so she tried a joke that ended up feeling a little too real to be funny. “If I’m not back in an hour, send in a rescue team.”

She immediately turned to head… where? She didn’t want to be alone with him, she wasn’t ready for that. But even more than that, she didn’t want to have her first conversation with him in 200 years surrounded by strangers. Not to mention, the pragmatic part of her brain was reminding her, if she wanted to stay anonymous it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to draw a ton of attention to herself arguing with someone who was very clearly the subject of several paintings on display. She had a vague memory of a door off of the permanent collection galleries that led to a garden, and without another thought she headed there, ducking her head to avoid being sucked into a conversation. She didn’t need to look to know he was following her.

She waded through the crowd towards the entrance, into the main hall and then across to the permanent gallery. These rooms were always open, but for events the gallery would often hire a Fist soldier to hang out in the hall and keep people out of them. Luckily, this particular guard had been on duty when Rielle had dropped off some of her work, and he seemed to recognize her, nodding to let her through. As she walked through the dark doorway, she pointed behind her without looking. “You can let him through, too.” Her voice was strangely steady.

The permanent galleries were a series of interconnected rooms with a variety of work from local artists over the years. There were pieces from a couple of Rielle’s former alter egos on the walls, displayed as antiques, which usually amused her. Right now it just made her sad. She was an antique. She was too fucking old to feel this many feelings.

During the day these galleries had a steady flow of visitors, but tonight they were eerily quiet. It was chilly despite the warmth of the night air outside, temperature controlled for the sake of the art. The only light was what filtered through from the lobby, and it cast long shadows in front of pedestals and statues. The chaos of the opening had receded to a dull roar that sounded much farther away than it was. Rielle felt like she’d entered a tomb.

She walked through the first room, weaving between sculptures as her footsteps echoed softly and her head spun. She had known he was alive, but apparently seeing it was a whole other experience altogether. What in all the hells was he doing here? Anger and longing were battling it out in her chest. How dare he, she thought, show up here like he didn’t abandon me for 200 years?

But 200 years was a long time, and she’d be lying to herself if she thought her anger hadn’t faded a bit. There was a not-insignificant part of her that didn’t even care for an apology, that wanted nothing more than to feel his soft, cool fingers in hers, to wrap herself around him and inhale his scent again. He was here. He was back. Surely she deserved, after he’d deprived her all this time, to have that? To feel good again in the way she only ever had with him?

Hells, that was pathetic. He’d probably replaced her dozens of times over while she’d been lonely and pining.

She slipped into the second room. The lobby light didn’t reach here, but the glass paneled door on the back wall that led out to the garden let in beams of moonlight. She walked to the door and tried it, dismayed to find it was locked.

“Allow me.”

Fuck, that voice. She’d had dreams narrated in that voice. It was still the voice she heard when she was puzzling through something difficult and didn’t have a friend to bounce ideas off of. He’d been her person for that. That, and so many other things.

She stepped aside to let Astarion kneel in front of the door, and for a moment Rielle felt like laughing at the familiarity of it. They might have been breaking into a general’s quarters or looting a crypt two centuries ago. It was as if no time had passed at all, when in fact so much time had passed as to separate them almost entirely. She put a hand on the wall to steady herself and tried to breathe.

Within a single cycle of breath the door clicked open, and Astarion smoothly stood and slipped through. Rielle followed, turning to close the door behind her as a way of giving herself one more blissful second of not looking at his face. Of course, one second was about all she could stand, she was so eager to see him again. Gods, this was confusing.

She sighed and turned, taking him in slowly as if he was a bright light in a dark room and she had to let her eyes adjust. He looked good, not that she was surprised. He was wearing an impeccable suit that was tailored to within an inch of its life, which seemed unfair. Of all people, he was one of the few who didn't need the help of a good tailor to look perfect. He’d framed himself well, too, standing in front of an ivy archway that led to a fountain. It was a beautiful night, and he was beautiful.

Rielle had grown, in many years of life, to appreciate the feeling of heartbreak. She didn’t want to become one of those elves who reached 300 and started living self-destructively, doing impulsive and stupid things just to feel something, but she understood how that happened. After a while, it did start to feel like you’d experienced everything already. Existence became boring. So when her heart was sore, it sometimes felt good. Stimulating, like a muscle she was exercising for the first time in a while.

There was an element of that now. Sharing space with him again hurt in an almost exquisite way. Despite everything, she still considered herself just a little lucky to have had her heart broken by him. It was proof he’d held it for a little while.

Slowly, as her eyes adjusted and they stood in silence, Rielle’s mind began to work again, and she finally spoke, her voice unsteady and quieter than she hoped. She sounded younger than she had in years.

“Why… why did you come here?”

He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again, looking at the ground as if to gather his thoughts. When he looked back up, his face was open and serious and all he said was “Because I missed you.”

Ah, she thought. There’s the anger. It hardened in her chest until she felt brittle with it. She was never one for yelling, and that had become more true with time. When she spoke, it was no less calmly than she had before, but her voice had a hard edge.

“I beg your pardon? You missed me? Astarion, what is this? Why are you here?”

He seemed to flinch slightly at the sound of his name from her lips. As he fucking should, she thought vindictively.

He furrowed his brow at her repeated demand, shaking his head like he was confused.

“Darling, I–”

“Don’t call me that.” Rielle was quietly seething as she stepped towards him. “Don’t you dare, not until you explain what is going on and why you abandoned me and why it took you two godsdamned centuries to find me again, and not until I somehow magically forgive you, which I won’t, and not until you swear to me on my own grave that you will not leave again, then you can call me darling. Not until then.”

She was standing an arm’s length from him now, and she was annoyed to feel hot tears flooding her eyes. I hope they make him feel like shit, she thought to comfort herself.

Astarion held up his hands as if to show he was unarmed.

“Yes, alright. But… you know where I live. I don’t understand why I’m the abandoner here and you’re the abandonee, my dear. My door is always open to you. I never wanted it to be like this.”

Rielle laughed bitterly.

“Tell me, Astarion, when was the last time I saw you?”

He blinked at that and looked to the side as if trying to escape her gaze.

“No no, look at me. Describe to me what was happening the last time I saw you.”

He shifted from one foot to the other. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him look this nervous.

“I–the sun was burning me, so I–”

She grabbed his chin and forced him to look down at her.

“Before. That.”

His eyes went from nervous to downright afraid, but he didn’t pull out of her grasp. He didn’t speak, either. Rielle waited. She’d waited 200 years, she could wait another minute. No problem.

When he finally licked his lips and opened his mouth, his voice came out impossibly faint.

“...Karlach.”

“What happened to her?”

He cleared his throat, but his voice was still barely above a whisper.

“She… she died. In your arms. She died.”

His throat caught on the last word, and Rielle saw his eyes welling up. She felt bad for him, she wanted to hold him and comfort him, but her anger was like a forest fire, eating her up faster than she could think. She tightened her grip on his jaw.

“And at her funeral, the next day? Where were you then? The funeral we held after sunset specifically so you could attend?”

His face hardened now, though his eyes were still close to overflowing.

“I didn’t ask you to do that. I don’t do funerals.”

He had found his voice, and it was cold and certain. Rielle let go of him and stepped back. Now that his anger was igniting, hers was burning out, fading to a deep, aching sadness that was too familiar.

Why couldn’t they talk to each other? They’d always, always been able to talk to each other. She shook her head and sighed heavily, letting sadness quench her anger fully as she looked up at him.

“I know you and Gale had your issues, and Wyll was a jerk to you sometimes. I know that. I didn’t expect you to go to another plane for Lae’zel’s funeral. But… Karlach, she loved you. You should have seen her after we found out about the ascension ritual, I’d never seen her so angry. On your behalf. She… she really loved you.”

His face had not softened, but a single tear fell down his cheek as she spoke. She saw him swallow hard before replying, his voice strangely formal.

“I’m aware. I cared for her as well, which is why I didn’t want to watch her get dumped into a hole while a bunch of people who barely even knew her cried their eyes out. I don't do funerals, my dear. Especially not for her.”

Rielle felt a small wave of relief settle over her. She’d known he was kind, she’d known they had broken through his walls. But there had been a small part of her, after all this time, that had started to wonder if perhaps she’d been wrong about him. If perhaps he had never cared.

It was, at the very least, a comfort to quiet that voice in her head.

But it didn’t soothe the hurt.

“Astarion… I loved her. I loved all of them.”

The mask of his anger was beginning to crack, his eyes becoming rounder as more tears fell.

“I was so, so sad. Even if you weren’t at the funeral I needed… I needed a friend. Every single time, Karlach and Wyll and Gale and Lae’zel, every one of them, I needed you.”

“You had friends. Friends who knew how to be what you needed. I wouldn’t have been of any use, I would have made it all worse.”

His words were certain, but his voice was low and unsure.

“Sure. I had Halsin, and I had Shadowheart, and I’m grateful for them every single day. But you were the one… you know what we were to each other, Astarion. You were the first person I went to when I was feeling… anything. And I thought I was that for you as well. I–”

She was crying too, now. She honestly hadn’t thought these feelings were still so close to the surface, but she was reliving it all now as she looked into his eyes. The days of waiting, the strange, detached tone in his letters as if nothing had changed. The days, the months, of crying so hard she could barely breathe, feeling so alone. Missing him on top of everyone else. She took a shaky breath before continuing.

“I really needed you, and you weren’t there. It was like you didn’t even care. I didn’t need you to be perfect, I just needed you to be there. And instead, you left me so completely alone–”

A sob cut off her last words, constricting her lungs and her throat and making it impossible to speak. Before she knew what was happening, there were cool, firm arms wrapping around her. After two centuries her body still remembered him, and her arms went around his neck without a thought.

They stayed like that for a long time, her sobbing into his shirt and him holding her. Rielle let herself relax into him. It was frightening, actually, how quickly her body seemed to forgive him, even as her mind couldn’t.

She berated herself mentally. She had not intended to cross the line of physical contact at all, because she’d known it would be too easy. She certainly had not forgiven him, and she wasn’t about to act like everything was fine. But as he held her, she felt a tiny rip in her heart begin to knit back together. For the first time in centuries, he was giving her something she needed. It wasn’t okay, it wasn’t over, but she was so tired. She needed a truce, just for now, just while his arms were around her.

When her breath quieted, Astarion moved one hand up to stroke her hair gently. She relaxed into him even further, sighing at the sensation. She remembered when this kind of thing had not come so naturally to him. He’d learned how to hug when they were together. It hadn’t been that much time together, all told, but she still carried so much of him around with her every day. What was she supposed to do with that? She couldn’t just forget. It was who she was now. They were a part of each other, forever.

After another minute, he spoke softly next to her ear.

“The paintings, the ones of me… they’re lovely. I don’t know how you do that, it’s like you paint someone but you paint more than just their appearance. You paint their essence. I’ve always admired that.”

She pulled back to look up at him, wiping her tears, and he let his arms fall.

“What do you mean ‘always?’”

He smiled sadly. “My dear, you can use any name you want, but I’d know your work anywhere. I’ve got quite a collection back home, spanning your whole career.”

Rielle’s heart constricted painfully. It was so wonderful to be loved by him. It was so cruel of him to love her only from afar. She swallowed and looked down.

“Thank you, that’s… thank you, Astarion.”

“May I ask you a question?”

She laughed humorlessly as she looked back up at him. “Sure, why not?”

“Why did you name them what you did? The paintings of me?”

She shook her head and smiled, looking to the side. “The first time you fed on me, you said ‘This is a gift, you know. I won’t forget it.’ And, I don’t know, I suppose it came to mind as I painted memories of you. Gifts are something you give freely, without expecting anything in return, and if I think of my love for you in those terms it’s a little less… painful. So, the series about how I love you is called The Gift.”

She spoke matter-of-factly. She’d become more prone to doing that over the last couple of centuries, having grown tired of trying to couch things or be tactful.

Astarion blinked, his eyes becoming round once more as his brow furrowed into sad disbelief. He didn’t say anything else, and neither did she.

He still hadn’t been there when she needed him. He still hadn’t apologized for not being there. There was nothing more to say, for now. After a moment of silence, she turned and walked back into the darkened gallery, and he did not follow.

She didn’t see him again for 10 more years.

[tyravenholme]

Doctor Who Theory: Bi-Generation

So I've been following the newest series recently like so many others and am loving the current run of Doctor who, especially the last episode as of this post 73 Yards which once again touched upon the fact that ever since the 14th Doctor played a game at the edge of creation, the rules of reality have been changed ever so slightly to now allow for the supernatural, to allow myths and urban legends, fairy tales and folk tales to become reality.

This made me think about the 60th specials what the 14th bi-generated into the 15th and how immediately after the 15th Doctor explains that they have bi-generated, but follows it up with "There's no such thing, it's just a myth, but look at me."

No, I've got two theories regarding this, the first is an explanation. Because the rules of reality have slightly changed and there was apparently a myth among time lord society of one regenerating into two, it makes sense that the first regeneration after the 14th Doctor changes the rules of reality is one based on a myth. I previously thought it was because the Toymaker was having some sort of influence over everything, but now it's becoming more obvious that it's far more than that.

But then I remember a quote which is simple "Myths and Legends all start from somewhere." So where did the myth of bi-generation come from. Given how wild the Doctor's own personal history has become in recent series and how Time Lord society enjoyed keeping their secrets, it made wonder what if be-generation has actually happened before and in the one being that was capable of doing it, the origin of regeneration.

The whole Timeless Child story line revealed that time lords only became such because they found a child from another universe entirely, a child who could regenerate indefinitely as it was their natural (so far as we know) biology. The Timeless Child eventually became the Doctor through much shenanigans, with their memory being wiped and forced to believe certain untruths which even to this day is debatable given the Toymakers line about making the Doctor's history a jigsaw.

Anyway, given the power of regeneration was an ability taken from another species entirely, it's possible the Time Lords didn't know the full scope of abilities tied to it. What if while Tecteun was experimenting on the Timeless Child, one of those regenerations became a bi-generation. This would implant the origin of the myth because it was something that actually happened once, but given Time lord secrecy, they made it so it would remain hidden - but of course, secrets never stay secrets forever.

This of course makes you wonder two things: Where's the other Timeless Child and why is bi-generation even a thing to begin with?

Let's tackle the second question first: We're never given a reason as to why the Timeless Child arrived in this universe, did they happen here by chance or were they sent here? It's unclear, but I wonder if maybe they were sent as a refugee, a survivor of a dying species, the last of their kind, or maybe not. What if they were sent as an Ark for their species, a special variation that would carry on their legacy, one who would not only live forever (maybe) but also at times divide into new beings, no longer being the only survivor? A bit of a thin theory because if they were intentional sent, why send a child to be the survivor of your species? Though if it's an accident, then bi-generation is natural and not engineered, and if that's the case, maybe it's just how this particular species reproduces - though it's been made clear the Doctor has had children so they can procreate in a more traditional way as well.

Honestly, the reasons and explinations could be even wilder than what I've thought up and it may be years before we get any answers.

So, let's tackle the other question. If the Timeless Child bi-generated, where's the other Child? Well, there was one such character we've met once before in classic who that was apaprently the Doctor yet not, an incarnation between their 12th and final regeneration, except, we've not gone passed that point with the Doctor so it no longer makes any sense - though technically you could argue that 12th and final could be any number in between.

I'm referring to the Valeyard, a variation of the Doctor that was explained as being a future version of themselves - or at least, that's what everyone was told.

What if the Valeyard is actually the other half of the Timeless Child, led to believe they are the future incarnation of the Doctor, led to believe that they are at the end of their cycles, and if they want to continue living, continue existing, they must help the Time Lords against the Doctor - we've seen and known the Time Lords can extend regeneration cycles, grant whole news ones, and even bring Time Lords back from the dead (The Master more than once)

I'm not entirely sold on the idea of the Valeyard being the other Timeless Child - but it would be a fun way to bring back that character and then drop a reveal that the Timeless Child bi-generated and they were the other half that came from it - OR even wilder, maybe the Master is the other half of the Timeless Child (hugely unlikely, but a fun thought to think about)

Anyway, those are my theories, though I could probably go on for longer. Looking forward to the next episodes of the current series and hope we get answers as to why the hell the actress Susan Twist keeps popping up in every episode.