#Incorrect Criminal Minds

[lilliejareau]

emily: door kicker

derek: death faker.

emily:

emily: YOU MOTHER–

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

UNKNOWN NUMBER: We have your child.

HOTCH: Which one? Emily? Spencer? Derek? What are your demands?

UNKNOWN NUMBER: No, Jack. It’s the daycare. We’re closing soon. Please come get your son.

[sarcasm-and-stiles]

[noalarmssnnosurprises]

"I heard people "shipping us

are shipping us" where?"

[spencestiel-michelle]

*the BAU team noticing Y/n and Spencer Reid*

Emily: hey- Derek. look at how close they’re standing. 

Garcia: they’re practically breathing the same oxygen. 

Derek scoffs: that kid’s got nerve. yesterday he literally took a whole step away from me when I stood too close to him- went on about something like germs in the air or whatever. 

Garcia: yeah, well, my love, you are not Y/n. 

[incorrect-ralvez]

Derek, at Emily's funeral: I need a moment with her.

Everyone: Of course.

Derek, leaning over Emily′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.

Emily: No comment

[spncrluvr]

Emily: roll your sleeves down

Spencer:

Emily:

Spencer: i-

Emily: you look like a slut

[scarlettjemily]

Emily: *concentrating on reading a case file*

Tara: “See the way she’s reading that case file?”

Penelope: “Very demure”

JJ: “Very mindful”

Emily: “I will literally fire all of you”

[jolpt]

I feel like this sums it up pretty well.

[amybaulover]

Penelope: I sleep with a knife under my pillow

Derek: weak, I sleep with two.

JJ: you're both pathetic.

Derek: oh yeah? and what do you sleep with?

JJ: Emily.

[flaminghotjareau]

[lilliejareau]

derek: so what do you thinks gonna happen when hotch gets back?

spencer: hold on let me overthink this

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

EMILY: Is it a crime to throw sodium in someone’s face?

HOTCH: It’s assault.

EMILY: I know it’s a salt. But is it a crime?

HOTCH: …

HOTCH: You are not funny.

SPENCER: *Quietly chuckles*

HOTCH: Reid, don’t encourage her.

[criminalmindsfanantic]

Emily: What did you get Garcia for her birthday?

JJ: I got her a kitten.

Emily: Really? Me too!

Hotch: I also got her a cat.

Derek: Looks like we all had the same idea.

JJ: Reid, please tell me you didn't get Garcia a cat too!

Reid: ...I got her a kitten.

*later*

Garcia, in her apartment surrounded by cats and kittens: This is the best birthday ever!

[noalarmssnnosurprises]

[spencestiel-michelle]

Hotch: he’s our new agent? 

Gideon: he’s a genius with three phd’s, Aaron. very perceptive, very insightful, and very useful for our unit. 

*Hotch looks over at Spencer Reid* 

Hotch: he just knocked over all the coffee stirrers and i can see green dinosaur and pink striped socks sticking out his sneakers, Jason. 

Gideon: well, hey, he did fail his physical fitness exam and… you know, he wears socks, Hotch. 

Hotch: really? oh, great. that’s good. let’s hire him immediately, and give him a gun and budge right now. 

Gideon: excellent. 

Hotch: