#In which case I'd sincerely like to apologize

[tikuri]

Revelation of the day

apparently volition aka willpower is something you can train and get better at? Like, if you push through and make yourself do things, not only will you get better at making yourself do that task, but you will get better at making yourself do things in general?

Was anybody gonna tell me about this or was I just supposed to find out about that by 1 am googleing myself?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not telling my partners I'm a system?

💚🐻

To preface this, I don't use Tumblr and I'm using my partner's account, so I would rather ask this anonymously. Forgive any non-tumblr-isms 😅.

This happened a while ago, but to be honest I can't let this go. I feel so horrible about it despite being reassured and I figured Tumblr, who has a lot of systems/people with DID/OSDD, would be able to give me an unbiased (as much as I can give an unbiased account, anyway) answer.

I, (24M), am a system with one headmate, P, (??). (Neither of us are sure how old he is, since it seems to change on the day). I don't want to get into exactly how I got him, but I believe the term for what we are is "traumagenic"? Sorry, again, I'm not really familiar with everything.

Anyway, I've had him since I was 8, and he's been... well, a real pain in the ass, to be frank. I understand now that he's a defender by nature and was trying to protect us, but when you get expelled from middle school for several physical attacks and almost get sent to juvie you start to resent the guy a bit. He's a bit like a sleeping bear, except if the sleeping bear had one eye open and killed you before you could hurt him.

Back when I got out of my abuser's house and went no contact at age 20, I moved in with my current partners, Bonfire (24M) and Greenhouse (25NB) (names changed for privacy, obviously.) At the time I didn't know them, but they were looking for another roommate and I desperately needed somewhere to live.

So I moved in with just the clothes on my back and my wallet (bad move, I know, but I didn't have anything anyway). I didn't care to interact with them all that much, not wanting P to get defensive and attack them for no reason, but they just kept pushing and eventually I relented and hung out with them some.

"Some" turned to "often," and then "often" turned into "sleeping-in-their-bed-and-sharing-our-clothes." At that point I was too far into it and embarrassed to admit I'd been hiding a whole other person from them in my mind. I wasn't sure if they'd even like me after, what with P's history of violence.

...so I never told them. I did my best to forget about anything that ever happened and tried to just enjoy the future I'd always wanted for myself. Bonfire and Greenhouse are lovely people and I was finally, maybe just a little happy. I'd never been a happy person and I was content to bask in it for as long as I was able.

This, of course, backfired immensely. P and I didn't have the best relationship at the time, with both of us wanting to do very extreme things to get away from the other. He wanted to kick me out and be by himself in my body, and I wanted to kill myself to be rid of him. We've since reconciled and made strides in accepting ourself for who we are- it hasn't been easy by any means, but that isn't the point.

I recognize now that he was afraid of being hurt again, not wanting to get out of that survival mindset in case Greenhouse and Bonfire turned out to be super-secret mega abusers taking advantage of our trust, but I also know what he did after was wrong.

He got physical with Bonfire, screaming at him and threatening to kill him if he got any closer. I don't have any memory of this happening, so some details may be incorrect, and I apologize for that. Bonfire, not knowing that P was not, in fact, me, (coupled with the fact that he's a fucking idiot (meant with affection)), he got closer and tried to talk me (him) down. P punched him in the face and broke his nose, after which he ran out of the house and left me to "wake up" a few miles away curled up under a tree.

P left me a note a few days later that said he didn't mean to break his (Bonfire's) nose, but that he was lucky he hadn't done worse. This, in P speak, is probably the most sincere apology I could get at the time.

To try and keep this as short as possible, I'll summarize what happened next. I told Bonfire and Greenhouse about P because at that point the cat was basically out of the bag. They said they'd wished I'd told them sooner, and that they were a little uncomfortable being in the same house as "the lean, mean, stabbing machine" (- Bonfire) but that they were willing to help me manage him if I promised to tell them everything I knew about how he worked.

I did, and it's been years since then, and now P and I are, as stated before, closer than ever. I recently asked my partners whether or not they were still upset with me for not telling them, and they just said that they weren't entitled to my medical history and trauma (which, yeah, but he did break Bonfire's nose) and that they didn't care because, "hey, we basically got a free dog out of it" (- Bonfire), and "we made a promise to love you, including all the less-than-savory parts." (- Greenhouse).

Sweet, yes, but I think I might be TA because, um, P LITERALLY BROKE BONFIRE'S NOSE AND THREATENED TO KILL HIM? AND IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN PREVENTED IF I HAD TOLD THEM?

TL;DR: I didn't tell my partners about my headmate that's prone to violence and he did violence on them and I feel bad.

AITA?

(P says hi, by the way, and he also wants me to tell you that he isn't like this anymore and much prefers soft blankets and eating fruit to breaking his family's noses.)

What are these acronyms?

[frownyalfred]

Hello! A random and specific question has occurred to me, and I think you might have some thoughts, if you're ok with answering!

So, most of the time Judaism is passed down matrilineally. I know there are some exceptions, and some groups that believe Judaism can be passed down through either parent, but generally it's just through the mother. This is how dc accidentally made Bruce Jewish.

However, is it the birthing parent who makes a child Jewish? Or is it strictly the mother, regardless of if she gives birth to the child or not?

I know that sounds like I'm asking about trans Jewish people, but I'm actually curious how this would play out in a world where mpreg is normalized, like in an abo alternate universe. For instance, if Bruce is Jewish and gets pregnant as an omega, would his kids also be Jewish? I did look up perspectives on trans Jewish people having kids, and unsurprisingly views are divided but it seemed like people mostly consider the birthing parent being important, i.e. a trans Jewish man would have Jewish children regardless of the other parent. What are your thoughts on this, if you're open to sharing?

(This ask got longer than I meant, sorry I wrote you a whole essay lol. Also I really hope this doesn't come across as rude, and I sincerely apologize if it does. Tone is difficult on the internet!)

Oh, that's a very very interesting question. Another one I'd like to ask my rabbi if I ever work up the nerve.

I'm no scholar, so if someone else wants to correct me on this one, feel free. But here's my best guess:

The gist of matrilineal descent is that it emerged from a time when the only way you could guarantee that a child was Jewish was to witness the birth from a Jewish mother. Rape, missing fathers, etc all made it a grey area, and back then, it was the only way to be "sure" that a child was halachically Jewish.

The interesting thing is, this was a change from patrilineal descent, but people still argue about when that change happened. Depending on the denomination, matrilineal descent is very very important beyond just determining Judaism, or it's a vestigial practice that has stuck around because it's, well, tradition.

Now, origin and existence are two different things. While it might have emerged for certain reasons, modern standards have obviously changed. We can do DNA tests and other rituals. But a lot of major denominations will turn away patrilineal Jews or hold those with Jewish DNA at arm's length until their Jewishness has been determined. That's only changed recently, and even then very slowly.

So, now that that's out of the way -- how does this relate to omegaverse? I suppose carriers in a/b/o universes would be considered de facto mothers, because they give birth. From my (limited) understanding, the core of most strict matrilineal arguments are 1) we've always done it this way post reception of the Torah 2) it was the only way to ensure someone was Jewish and 3) there are inherent attributes to mothers/the feminine that Rabbis argue are metaphysical and important to consider.

But it depends on how you write omegas. Are they defined by their ability to birth? Are they dual sex or single sex? Do they have the ability to sire offspring in addition to carrying them? Do they serve a "motherly" role in addition to giving birth? All things to consider.

Me personally, I'm a big proponent of accepting all Jews as they are, as long as they're not proselytizing or cosplaying as Jewish from another religion. It's a closed practice but we're also dwindling in number, so turning away people because their father was Jewish and not their mother is bizarre to me. Especially if they were raised in the religion -- at that point it's a technicality, but many rabbis will still make you go through a conversion which is wild to me.

I would throw out there, for the sake of omegaverse -- if the carrier is Jewish, generally, in most cases, the pups are Jewish. That makes sense to me.

[chaifootsteps]

there's a post on helluva boss' reddit that's like 'guess what's happening here!' [the shot where Stolas is singing onstage w/Verosika]

random reply roundup of responses, in order of how frustrating they are:

least frustrating -> it's a fakeout where it seems like Stolas is gonna roast Blitzo but instead he sings something sincere. This is the best of all possible worlds, if only Stolas would take some responsibility for what he did. Even this best case scenario is likely to be 'I'm so sad because he hurt me and all I wanted was to love him, poor little princely me :/' and Blitzo somehow falls for this BS

people pointing out roasting Blitzo will not help him/is still scapegoating him -> slightly better, though it still holds back from pointing out Stolas is the one in the wrong here and he doesn't get to complain when Blitzo is justifiably wary or angry at him

more frustrating -> Verosika feels bad for Stolas and wants him to realize how bad Blitzo is. Like yeah it's possible she'll project all the baggage from her relationship onto Stolas, but it doesn't mean that's a good thing to do. She's right that Blitzo treated her poorly, by his own admission with the credit cards thing he did, but her relationship with Blitzo is not the same as Stolas'. Blitzo is not the bad one in this scenario

-> Stolas sings about his heartbreak but doesn't name names. Um, he's singing it in front of a massive 'Blitzo sucks' poster with Blitzo's ex onstage. That excuse really doesn't fly, given how open a secret the 'affair' is it's obvious who he's talking about and Blitzo has every right to be hurt

-> Stolas' song is a 'wakeup call' to Blitzo. Er, wakeup to what? How it's Stolas' world now and he's just living in it, so he better get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness?

-> Blitzo should initiate the apology to show he's grown! I agree Blitzo should initiate the apology...to Verosika. Then he should tell her what happened between him and Stolas so a succubus who likely knows what it's like to have people try to force themselves on her (that No dress in her photo with Blitzo, anyone) can have Tex throw him off stage and get the crowd to egg his royal ass. If anyone needs a public humiliation here it's Stolas, not Blitzo

-> the song is a love ballad but it becomes an excuse for Blitzo & Stolas to roast Verosika who was doing a diss track. Only on the Stolas Show featuring Misogyny and Plotlines Ripped Directly from Fanfics, am I right?

most frustrating -> changing the lyrics to Poison so Stolas is the one singing it about Blitzo. No, I'm not kidding. We've well and truly crossed the DARVO event horizon here

side note, I'd love for these Stolas stans to articulate why they think Stolas has a fair reason to be hurt by Blitzo.

"He lead him on!" Uh, when? Blitzo was coerced into a deal to keep his job and kept up his end of the bargain.

"At Ozzie's!" He wasn't the one who called it a date, Stolas was. Blitzo's reaction at the end of the night make it very clear he thought Stolas wanted sex out of him & he didn't invite Stolas along as a date. He obviously thought he needed to appease Stolas by sleeping with him but he just wasn't emotionally up to it, so he called Stolas out for trying to have it both ways. If Stolas had any self awareness at all he would have learnt something from that.

"Blitzo lead him on by sleeping with him!" They had a one night stand after which Blitzo robbed Stolas, ghosted him and then was repulsed by/turned down his advances multiple times (and extended that attitude to his text responses, too). It's not Blitzo's fault Stolas was living in wilful self-delusion and making an imp responsible for fixing the life he trashed when he very much consented to cheating on his wife

I had to read this backwards so as to retain a little of my faith in humanity. Also, I'd just like to put it in writing now that I'm holding out a miniscule scrap of faith for the first option, because I never learn.

[serendipitouslyyyyyy]

finally got around to watching young royals season 3 and i have many many thoughts but mostly im just so happy w how they handled august???

like first off, they held off his apology scene until we were at a point narratively where it is very clear that he is very sincere in his remorse. but then they don't make wilhelm accept the apology. yes the apology is earnest and well meant and good, and yes we genuinely believe that he is going to be better, but wille still doesn't owe it to him to say it's okay and it's so important.

but then the most important part of the whole thing was the scene where nils came out to him and vincent. because in that moment, he realizes that yes, he completely and irreversibly fucked up with wille and simon and maybe he will never fully be able to right that wrong, but at least he can do better this time. at least he can learn and grow and never make that fucking mistake again. and no, it doesn't at all reverse the terrible things he's done, but goddammit he's changing.

and that's what makes it satisfying instead of infuriating when (spoilers) wilhelm abdicates and august becomes next in line. a season ago, august becoming king would be literally worst case scenario and therefore while we all wanted wille to abdicate, it would've still made for a shit ending. but i feel like they really put in the work this season to allow august to really earn our respect and feel like he could deserve that fate.

and it makes a point of emphasizing that he doesn't end up with everything. the narrative doesn't cruelly punish him but this story also does not shy away from the consequences of his actions. he fucked things up with sara, for example, and it made it clear that that was a permanent decision. but he still has a path forward and he still has hope which is so refreshing to see from such a troubled character

in conclusion, it's really hard to handle making shitty characters sympathetic in a world with zero media literacy, but what they did with august this season was just the right amount of nuance to make for honestly one of the most interesting characters in the show.

anyways sorry for the fucking essay i'd be surprised if ANYONE read all that

[laufire]

if you're willing, would you mind sharing more of your thoughts on mia/jason? B/c i personally can't see mia wanting anything to do with him (based on the green arrow arc), but i am open to having my mind changed if you have a case for it

sure!

I'll preface this by saying that although I ship them, I don't have A Plot for them yet, the way I do for other of my jason rareships, and thus I have yet to ~envision how I'd personally have it go down. but these are my thoughts on them at the moment.

first of all... the green arrow arc isn't this HORRIBLE, TEERRIBLE, AWFUL thing that happened to mia, or this irredeemable evil jason did, and I'm always baffled whenever I see it talked about that way. like. mia is not a normie kid living her normie life in a slice-of-life teen story. she's a freaking SUPERHERO that risks her freaking LIFE on the regular. jason is this dude one, maybe two years older than her that didn't even want to seriously harm her.

she obviously wouldn't walk out of that encounter with kind thoughts about him. he was an asshole! he wanted to scare her! (and he had a GOAL re: sidekicks and the danger they're exposed to and a point to prove about it, which I always feel is handwaved). but like, jason is not a static character, or not doomed to be at least. he'd have to sincerely apologise, saying that yeah, he was a shit, that was a shitty thing to do, he was projecting some stuff on hers and ollie's relationship that wasn't even true and he's ready to compensate her for it. and again, these are... not normal people. like sorry but I just don't think what jason did in that arc garrants an eternity of hate and enmity to them.

and obviously not hating him forever/seeing his actions for what they were and not more/being able to forgive them in the face of a sincere apology and amendments isn't the same as actually seeing jason as a romantic prospect! but it's a first step into a less than hostile dynamic.

and within that context, I could see mia thinking back on some of the things jason said in their confrontation, about them being alike (also, winick wasn't been subtle in his parallels here, but I've seen people being VERY obtuse about this part of the scene añsldkf). I haven't read mia in a team context/with lots of peers her age yet, but even if she's more likely to find people with commonalities/messed up childhoods among child heroes, common ground is still something to be curious about, to bond over. and such very specific common ground would be something I think she'd value.

I haven't reached that arc yet, but I know mia has also killed, once, in circumstances where she thought she had no other choice. and she doesn't want to do that anymore, she wants to be a hero and stay on the path and raise above. those are things that I find interesting in conjunction to a dynamic with jason, in particular. the way it would lead both to conflict and to a different level of understanding.

also, there's always this sense in posts against these ships where I feel like... mia doesn't have to be perfect. she can be messy and make questionable romantic choices and maybe they pan out or maybe they don't, but it could be something actually fun to explore with her character, to see her in a context like that. less in the "bad boy attraction" sense because really, past aesthetics jason does not fit that role in a romantic sense, but as in getting to explore other sides of her character through a romantic relationship, especially as a character with both a history of sexual abuse and with HIV. and I'm sure there are other candidates for that, both canon and fanon, but it just happens that the first thing I read with her was the Jason Being A Menace arc and that I looooove a meet ugly, especially if it comes with a "recognition through the other (derogatory)" bonus.

anyway. I'm not trying to convince anyone because I'm perfectly happy in my rowboat-sized ships and it's nothing to me if other people disagree or judge me for them lol, but thanks for the chance to talk about them a bit!

[shiikiyun]

Futa Kajiyama and Remorse

by someone that would hit him in the head if they had the chance

The discussion over whether Futa's shown remorse over his actions is genuine or not is something that has existed for years at this point, and it'll probably always be a debate. Just thought I'd give my personal take on it.

Starting off by saying that it is very ironic that a huge part of the discussion on his character and crime is how genuine he is when he admits fault, considering his case is entirely related to social media, almost like how when public figures online mess up and everyone else picks apart their apologies and rate the sincerity of them (not saying it's a bad thing, influencers will explode before handing a good apology, i just thought it was funny to point out). That aside, let me actually talk about him.

First, what did he do? In short, he began a witch-hunt campaign and doxxed a middle-schooler over a claim with no basis that said kid tried to reason with him over and he ignored, (pressumably) pushing her to suicide. Fucked up. Very understandable unforgiven veredict in the first trial, since his denial of his actions was so strong, he had it coming for sure.

Now, his feelings around his crime. It's said a lot that he doesn't feel sorry for his victim, that he only feels anxious and "guilty" because he's facing consequences and he's scared of dying, so he'll do anything to avoid that (so; admit fault, even if he doesn't believe he was wrong). And he is stubborn, so it's not crazy to see it that way, but—

Does he really not care?

From the way I see it, Futa is telling the truth when he says he never intended her to die. Personally, I would "should've thought about it twice then?" 'd him if I could, but I can't in good faith call him disingenuous for saying he didn't want it to end that way.

People don't take their actions on social media seriously. This happens all the time. People will say they most cruel things to strangers over minimal disagreements, and they don't consider it to be that damaging because "it's just social media". Futa is no different than that.

He got a power trip from the praise he received after he called out a teacher for sexual harrassment (which is obviously an actually fair reason to dunk on someone), took it too far over something mundane, and it actually had real life consequences on an innocent person. And he knows this. He's always known. The very moment he realizes what he did is when he's horrified of himself and is visibly shocked— He didn't want this. But he did it, and now there's blood on his hands.

To call that reaction disingenuous, or relate those feelings solely to the fact that he's facing consequences now, is completely ignoring that it happens before he's aware about receiving backlash from his friends.

That's where his anxiety comes from. He's always known he fucked up awfully. When ES insists on him being a murderer, what makes him stutter and show fear is that same word. He's a murderer, and he can't cope with that, but he knows what he did no matter how much he denies it. From the very beginning all Futa has been is a coward; unable to accept that his actions killed someone until he gets some sense literally beat up on him.

Now, this is where I drift onto something even more people might disagree with, but personally I think it's intentional. The representation of his victim, in both MVs.

Because Futa saw no difference between her and other people him and his friendgroup judged, firstly, she's shown as a videogame monster. Her silhouette changes to a more human-like one when he realizes she died, but that's about it. It shows more of his attempt at dettaching from what he did, refusing to see things for what they are.

But then Backdraft came and totally changed that.

I have to bring up the other 2 monsters to make my point clearer. Like I said, in Jihen Joutou, Futa pictures all of his targets as monsters. In Backdraft, the first 2 remain the same style, but Killcheroy changes.

isn't she adorable, by the way?

Unlike the other two, she's a completely different art style. Cartoony, cute, childish. Because Futa finally got to a point where he can't separate his actions from himself anymore, and had to recognize to have played part in her death, we see his victim for what she is—

A middle schooler.

Of course, her straight up appearing would've been enough to convey that, but the addition of making her character different (innocent, friendly, harmless) further shows how Futa does recognize that he hurt a child that ultimately wasn't doing anything wrong.

And, lastly, and this is entirely personal and where even More people might not agree: I just don't he's lying. I don't think he's trying to manipulate anyone into thinking he feels remorse just to get relief. I believe him when he says he knows what he did was wrong and he regrets doing it, that he wouldn't do it again. And I also understand (and agree) when he says ES, and us by extent, are doing the same.

People in the fandom like to act like he's crazy in the head (hyperbole) for saying that, that he is entirely saying it to guilt ES into forgiving him, and it honestly exhausts me. So like, hey, I'm not Futa, I'm part of the audience and I've voted. So let me say it: We are in fact the same.

He is not wrong in believing it. The MILGRAM system only abuses people under the excuse of giving justice and punishment to those that deserve it regardless of the degree of their crime— And I'm not talking about Kotoko. The psychological torture all 10 of these people are going through is not fair, not on the most forgivable one, nor the least. It is just an abusive system. This system killed people, some of which were teenagers, for having a troubled life. How is that any different from him?

Now I just said we are the same for the dramatism— Of course we are not the same on the basis that we are not actually hurting real people, but like, this fictional character doesn't have a conscience. By MILGRAM canon we really are just a bunch of people getting entertainment from 10 troubled people getting tortured. And as for ES, them continuing to partake on their role when they saw the extreme consequences it has just because they were told to do it is... Yeah, can you really blame any of the prisoners for thinking the guard is also in the wrong?

Ultimately, to conclude: I don't think Futa feels no remorse, nor do I think he only feels bad because he got consequences for it, and I don't understand this point of view. He's shown distress over his actions before backlash came his way, and right now he's at a point where he can't ignore that he fucked up and he will admit to it just fine. He is just simultaneously (and rightfully) upset that a fucked up system that does the same if not worse is the one that gets to decide whether he should be forgiven or not, because in all honesty, none of the prisoners deserve to be judged by MILGRAM.

Aaanyhow, that is it for me. I wrote this in a delirious state from sickness so I hope it's readable and coherent. Peace

Note: i know its implied es attempted to stop the trials and it didnt work, i dont think theyre evil and entirely on a power trip... please dont misunderstand the bit i talk abt es as me saying theyre evil and entirely on a power trip thank you

[dragondemoness]

How about a this request. Aoi has a boyfriend that she's taken to the pool with her and he wanna swim saying he doesn't wanna get in. So Aoi plays a prank by pushing him in wanting to show him swimming is fun, thing is the reason he doesn't like it is cause he almost drowned when he was younger as a result of a bully.

Aoi ends up having to pull him out after she realizes he's panicking and funds out why he hates swimming so much, which leads to her being extremely remorseful, and she apologizes for what she did.

Later on after her boyfriend has calmed down she tells them that she gently wants to teach him how to swim so something like what happened in the past doesn't happen again and so that they have something that they can bond more over.

This ended up being more gender-neutral, hope that's alright

Warnings: Reader almost drowns, mentions of past bullying

Aoi Asahina with an S/O who Doesn't like Swimming

You two had some free time, so Aoi decided to bring you to the pool

Not for a swimming competition she was in, but just for fun

You tried to come up with excuses to avoid going, but she blew them off and grabbed your arm and pulled you along, giving you no time to resist

She was rambling on and on with a grin on her face as you walked together, completely oblivious to the anxiety on your face

The moment you were dreading couldn't have arrived sooner, and you quickly found yourself quivering on the edge of the pool

Aoi had already jumped in, joyfully swimming around and enjoying herself under the sun

Soon, she looked up at you and beckoned you to join her

"Hey (Name), come on in!"

You could only shake your head as you perched yourself next to the pool

"I don't really wanna get in, sorry. I'd rather watch you instead."

Aoi looked at you in confusion

"What's the matter? The water isn't that cold. Honestly, it feels pretty good with the sun out."

"No, that's not it. I don't-- I don't like swimming."

...Huh?

Who didn't like swimming?!

Maybe you were just afraid of water, like Toko?

But Aoi had seen you take baths before, so that couldn't be it

She figured you just haven't tried it yet, so maybe a little push out of your comfort zone would help

So she sneakily climbed out of the pool and tiptoed behind you, then placed her hands on your shoulders and pushed you into the water

"Hehehe! You shoulda seen the look on your face! Don't worry, it's just part of the fu-uun...?"

Her giggling immediately came to a stop when you started panicking, scrambling to raise your head above the water level as you coughed out small puddles of water with tears flowing out of your eyes

Aoi had a short moment of panic herself before immediately taking your hands and helping you out, ignoring everyone staring at the two of you as she guided you inside

She got a towel and wrapped it around your shoulders as you sat down on a bench, giving you a worried look as she moved her hands towards your shoulders to help you calm down

But you immediately flinched away from her before she could touch you, and she quickly stepped back as she waited for you to regain control of your breathing

Once you calmed down, Aoi asked you what caused you to react that way

And you explained that when you were younger, a bully held you underwater in an attempt to drown you, and you turned your back on swimming ever since

Aoi just stared at you in shock as she took this in, and she felt horrible for playing that stupid joke on you before

After making sure she had permission, she approached you and gently pulled you into her chest, giving you a sincere, gentle apology for her actions

She swore never to do it again and agreed to go back home

But later in the evening, Aoi approached you again and offered to help you face your fears

"Look, I know you had a bad experience with it, but what if I taught you how to swim? It won't be scary this time, don't worry. But it's good to be prepared in case it did happen again, y'know? Besides, it'd give us something else to do together!"

You were hesitant, but agreed

A few days after that, Aoi brought you to the indoor pool in Hope's Peak, when she knew that you would be alone

Not having a lifeguard around had you on edge, but Aoi assured you that she wouldn't let anything happen to you

The first day was really just spent convincing you to get into the water, but progress is progress

She made sure to hold your hand and soothe you whenever you got anxious, though

After that, she taught you how to float in the water, and then got started on the actual swimming lessons

Aoi was patient, and she didn't mind that it took a while, or that you were too anxious to continue sometimes

She was just proud that you were willing to learn

And eventually, it would all be worth it

[st-asya]

Idk what kinda introduction post that is, but I need to start this blog while my hyperfixation is still intact. No idea who'll bother to even read it, honestly, I fully expect it to be a talking-to-the-void kinda thing, I just love practicing my English, might as well combine it with my stoopid tho(ugh)ts everyone has already thought and seen cause I didn't exactly get into the series in time.

It's a side blog, and I'm not a native speaker so I'm self-conscious as everloving fuck and I sincerely apologize (yeah, it's a proper formal apology cause I feel guilty as fuck as well) if my posts are unreadable, I always do my damnedest for them to make sense, but it won't always be the case, I assure you. I have no talents except for trying to overcome the anxiety that grabs me by the throat on the daily basis (and I'm not even into that kind of asphyxiation thank you very much, duh) which sometimes results in my brain lacking the necessary amount of oxygen for it to function properly (but again I do my damnedest for my vitals to be intact), hence some inadequate posts. So about that, I'm trying to overcome the anxiety by posting everything that pops into my silly little head (it's a shitty way to do it, but it's something at least), the horrors persist, but so do I.

Kay, I'm depressed as fuck (not trying to present it as a badge of honor or anything, it's just a part of my personality, so I think I need to mention it), and it's a miracle watching OFMD (finally) somehow made sense in my head (cause nothing does lately). I'm as late for the party as fucking ever, but oh well maybe being slow will be my always.

I've just started to watch it actually, but my first thought was that it felt a tad rushed, but it's perfectly understandable. Still it made me feel the full daunting force of existential dread with a ray of hope on the side (which, again, makes me all suspicious to no end cause everytime I feel hopeful I think my brain is fucking with me with no safe word involved in the process).

I've watched 6 eps of season 1 so far, spoilers don't faze me one bit (I'd stumble upon them either way, no point in trying to avoid them, methinks), cause I made sure I'd watched some YouTube vids with bits of all the eps combined on a complete whim and cause those bits did exactly fuck all for me to piece together anything at all, so strictly speaking, they don't even feel like spoilers. I'd even say I started to actually watch the series cause I got so damn angry at myself for not understanding shit, so I was like yeah, makes perfect fucking sense and finally I know what the "m'noses" and "doggy heaven" lines were about (I seriously thought I'd spontaneously combust if I don't find out, the last time I've ever been so dead set on achieving anything was when I tried to understand whatever the hell Buttons says (so fairly recently), cause English is my second language (there might be subtitles and script, I assume, but no, we die like my will to live while figuring it out solely by listening to what he says (love me some torture, weird flex but okay, I guess).

That's helluva long post that barely makes any sense, so I'll shut up for now.

[an-au-blog]

Can’t help but recontextualize Asylum!Chopper as just the friendliest but also most capable man you will ever meet in this au. He cares a lot for his patients, so much that some people sneer it borders on unprofessional, behind his back, where he can’t hear, because everyone also begrudgingly has to admit he’s probably amidst the best staff this asylum ever had. (And he knows. He knows about all the awful things people say about him behind his back but he actively decides it doesn’t matter and not to care for it). Type of doctor who’s delighted when old patients catch up with him. Has some more “”childish”” interests and still watches kids cartoons and reads comics to this day because they help him unwind. Also probably collects stuff like little mecha figures or Gundams or Funko Pops he displays on his desk. Routinely swaps them out every once in a while so he can showcase them to everyone and because lots of patients adore them. Is however keenly aware that people may infantilize him during to his dwarfism coupled with his “childish interests” (can you tell I loathe the idea of interests making you inherently childlike by now?). Do not, I repeat, Do. Not. He WILL remember that for the rest of his life and file you in his mental “people to distrust”folder (unless you sincere apologize and he can tell you are making an effort to educate yourself,but even then he will side eye you for another month or so just in case) and will make it clear that he’s an adult. Deceptively strong. Rumor has it he actually broke a man’s nose once in a bar fight after said drunken fool decided it would be hilarious to grab him by his armpits and swing him around like a rag doll (It’s true. Chopper will gladly tell you the full story when he’s off the clock and he likes you enough).

Oh absolutely.

In fact, Dr Chopper is one of the leading names in his field. He was a wonder child. Even though some people were intimidated by it.

He is the dream for every employer, even though, as you said, some of the other employees don't always share the same sentiment. He's dependable, responsible, cares about people and is an amazing doctor.

Everyone was surprised when he moved from a high paid job to dealing with the mentally ill. He used to work for a pharmaceutical company but after discovering a deadly poison that the company wanted to profit off of he quit. Ironically enough, the same poison sped up the death of he best friend and college at the time Hiriluk. No one other than Robin and Jinbei knows about that though. And of course, his other friend, who took an early retirement - Dr. Kureha.

He's still a general practitioner, and the kids love him, which also makes the mothers love him too... a bit more reluctantly, but still.

I love the idea that he watched cartoons and collects Funko pops, maybe even action figures. (I have a few friends who collect and it's so fun when they show me, so) I'd also like to think that Chopper's friends - Franky, Robin and Jinbei also like seeing and hearing about his interests. The others may think it's weird but he learned to only care about his friends's opinion.

I feel like Chopper would start going to the gym purely for health reasons, but then he'd get really invested in like a sports anime or hyperfixated on something that he feels more and more inclined to go more often. Him getting strong and or buff was purely an accident of circumstance.

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

I need some clarification here, because I'm getting conflicting information with what I've been taught is "fandom protocol" (I'm an elder, so maybe I'm out of the loop a bit.) I was under the impression that if you disagree with someone, block and move on with life. Don't engage, don't mob, just block and move on with life. I see you reblogging posts from folks who have admitted that that's what they did - followed basic fandom protocol.

Are you now saying that those that reblogged that screenshot post are responsible for sending the message that "it's okay to mob the OP with death threats" by doing so? Aren't most of these blogs 18+ that are admittedly only responsible for their own actions? Are we now to wait 24 hours to ensure there's not a dialogue that needs to happen? Obviously fact-checking should be done, but things slip through, especially when it's from a source we perceive as a vetted source.

You're starting to hold folks accountable for crimes which they confess they did not commit. One offered a sincere, public apology taking responsibility for their actions, an acknowledgement of the harm they caused, and a commitment to doing better in the future along with removing the offending post after your call out. Isn't that what a good apology is?

I think you've moved the goalposts on this, and it's no longer about spreading awareness of Gaz-erasure (whether intentional or not) and the inappropriate screen-grab rage-bait of a post. I am very concerned for Myka - they never should have been put in this place. But I think your emotions are swelling out past those that deserve it.

(BTW, I did send the same ask to CrashTestBunny, but I'd like your thoughts too - especially on block-and-move-on and being responsible for follower's actions as an 18+ blog.)

I did see this in bunny's blog and did ponder on what you asked and here's my two cents on it:

(this is so long)

When you're on the internet and posting things publicly, you're not isolated, you're not alone.

Your blog, even if you make sure to never reblog/interact with it or use tags and therefore think you're keeping it anonymous, you're really not.

You're never immune from being found, from being criticised for the things you say, and you are certainly not anonymous.

I start by saying that to say that there will ALWAYS be people ready to criticise others for the things they say/post or the way they act.

So even if the "fandom etiquette" dictates that you should block and move on with your life, that's not to say everyone will.

And in this case, what happened with @/codslut had nothing to do with being unable to block and move on. That only works for posts you see in your dash and don't like, because we all are responsible for curating our algorithm and choosing what we interact with.

With @/codslut, she became a victim of public scorn over a misunderstanding and misinterpretation like a game of broken telephone.

And the person that screenshotted her post and shared it with their followers knew exactly what they were doing by doing so which was publicly posting about it and creating discourse among their followers.

I want to believe they thought they were an island/isolated, but I know (and we all know) they knew they weren't. Turns out they have a history of influencing their followers (by accident or on purpose, doesn't matter) into ganging up on other creators.

And with blogs as big as the screenshotter's, with as big of a following and that much of an activity, and, of course, the reblogging that came from other big blogs with massive followings as well...

It's no wonder it all spun out of control and became unmanageable.

And, as usual, the internet will do what the internet will do, and bad apples will find their way into controversial posts (like the Gaz erasure) and then go bully people because they think they can.

And in this situation... blocking and moving on doesn't work. It simply doesn't.

@/codslut didn't have the choice to block and move on with her day. Not after what was basically a scorn campaign that sent dozens of people her way.

These blogs, big ones, have a responsibility, not to police their follower's actions (as if a parent) but to hold themselves accountable because they did throw wood into the fire by reblogging it and putting it in more people's dashboards.

They can't just wash their hands of all responsibility, because they did have a hand in it. Even if they didn't mean to.

TL;DR: 1- "Block and Move On" only works on the dash, not when people are harrassing you in your blog/inbox; 2- You're not responsible for your followers' actions, but you are responsible for the fact you instigated their actions by poking the beast.

[capricioussun]

Do any of them have a preference for gifts?

I continue falling asleep periodically and without permission, apologies this took so long!Oooh gifts, yeah probably!! Lemme think

🩷 Rus n Sans - I'd imagine Rus would like almost anything, sincerely, card, chocolates, flowers, a knickknack – honestly just. Anything! He'd be so stoked to get a valentines gift, and (barring food gifts) he's absolutely keeping it forever lol As for Sans, probably has a slight preference for food gifts, but similarly, he’s mostly just happy to have whatever, and he'll definitely make some sort of joke about it

❤️ Edge n Red - Edge always prefers practical gifts, under almost any circumstances...however. If someone gave him flowers or a small potted plant of some sort, it would definitely make him blush and he'd put them/it somewhere he'd see frequently... Red definitely prefers food gifts, though more so savory than sweet – honestly, just take him out for lunch, he'd prefer that lol

🧡 Stretch n Blue - anything, and i mean anything, so long as it's a sincere gesture, would fluster Stretch very thoroughly. But a favored sweet of his (or something with a joke on it) is sure to make him feel extra fuzzy. Blue is more sentimental than he cares to admit, so something like a little keepsake that references some special part of your relationship is definitely the best thing to get him, but he'd be happy with anything else, too (except maybe chocolates, he’s not the biggest fan).

sfmetal, fsglass, the horrors, lovefell, glitchedswap, vesselfell, and Dos n Wingdings under the cut ✨

💛 Copper n Gold - Copper would geeenerally prefer food gifts or something small and useful, like a nice lighter or smth, however he'd probably rather just spend time together, maybe going out for drinks. Gold struggles a little accepting gifts, but, something romantic like flowers or nice cufflinks would have him blushing lightly, despite his best efforts (a revenge gift would find it's way to the gifter very very soon thereafter)

💚 Ghost n Haze - Ghost isn't a big gift guy either, but something like interesting candy would be appreciated, especially if it's something he can share with the gifter. Haze is opposed to gifts, especially anything perishable (food or flowers), but he'd begrudgingly accept anything related to an interest, like perhaps a nice journal.

🩵 Dove n Patch - oooh Dove would love just about anything, similarly to Rus. Just happy to be considered!! Probably puts it somewhere special to make sure it doesn't get lost, or in the case of food gifts, savors it meaningfully. Patch is also pretty iffy on gifts, but you can't go wrong with food! But maybe a gift card to a grocery store would be better so he can choose himself (can be a little picky about things...)

💙 Dusk n Clips - Dusk would honestly be a bit freaked out by receiving a gift, of any kind, but once he’s calmed down would...feel weird about it? But treasure it dearly. Eclipse doesn't have any preferences at all, but he’s glad to take advantage of someone who wants to get him something, although contradictorily, he wouldn't like food type gifts.

💜 Rust n Coal - Rust would prefer something like a knickknack or collectible through and through. Flowers die and he’s weird about food gifts absolutely. Doesn't need to be anything sentimental, but if you're insisting, just get him something interesting. Coal would be completely happy to get any kind of gift! Though something he could share with the gifter or his brother would definitely be preferable.

💗 Lace n Cire - Lace is a huge sap for any romantic gestures. Flowers, sweets, something sentimental, something meaningless but cute; doesn't matter, it's from someone who loves him which means the world to him. Cire's a liiitttle pickier. He's guarded about gifts, some simple is better, maybe flowers or candy, something he can easily make a joke about.

🩶 Uno n Sky - while Uno would truly appreciate any gift, something silly or some candy would be the highlight of his day. Sky...would honestly prefer quality time. Going out for a meal or doing something together. He’s a busy guy, and a break would be...nice.

🖤 Void n Perp - Despite anything he'd say, Void is always touched by gifts. Preferably something nonperishable, as he travels too much to appreciate flowers he'd have to leave at home and he’s just not much of a candy enjoyer, but something small, sentimental or not, always makes him soft. Perp's an easier sell, but similarly to Red, he'd probably prefer something him and his gifter can enjoy together.

❤️‍🩹 Dos n Wingdings - Dos would struggle to accept any gifts, but something small and romantic would surely get him blushing despite himself. Especially flowers... Wingdings would be so utterly surprised to receive anything at all, no, no preferences, he'd probably not even fully process he'd received a gift until well after the gifter has left lol

[kinowoo]

I translated it from Japanese text to English, so I think the text is a little strange, but you can read it if you want.

I'd like to read more about these two guys who came up with the prequel to Rippner and Lisa.

Title: His Own Secret

─

It had been seven weeks and two days since we had been monitoring Lisa Reisert. Only a few days remained before the assassination plot was to be carried out. Jackson Rippner checks his watch, takes a sip of the Cuba Libre in front of him, and looks at the two women sitting at the counter, one of whom is on her seventh Sea Breeze and the other friend is on her third Cosmopolitan.The other friend takes a sip of her third Cosmopolitan.

"Thanks to your support, even that pesky customer finally left satisfied.Even so, I can't forgive you for saying such horrible things to my precious subordinate."

Lisa was in a worse mood than usual and her drinking was going fast. The pesky customer who started the anger was a real jerk, no matter who you saw. The guest hurled abusive language at Cynthia, and even Rippner, who was watching in the hotel lounge as Lisa politely apologized next to Cynthia, who shrank back at the force of it all (a terrible guest, indeed), thought back.

As she reached out to order her eighth Sea Breeze, Cynthia grabbed Lisa's arm and hurriedly said, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No matter how much tomorrow is my day off, it's not safe to go any further," and stops the order. Lisa sipped her glass with a sullen "boo..." as she downed the last drop.

"Lisa, we're going home. I'll give you a ride home in a cab."

Cynthia was Lisa's subordinate and good friend.

I've had a little too much to drink today. I may have had a little too much to drink today. I'm sorry."

Cynthia's sincere concern made her reflect on the fact that she had had too much to drink, so she picked up her bag and began to quickly get ready to leave. The first thing to do is to make sure that you have a good time with your family and friends. Her dizzy gait, made worse by her heels, made me uneasy. If he hurt his ankle, it would have been a problem on the day of the event. This was not good for Rippner. After finishing his Cuba Libre and paying the bill, Rippner approached two women who were waiting for him at the entrance. They asked him, "Um, are you all right? If you want, I can call a cab for you."

Rippner's smile is a good guy by all accounts, and I don't think of him as a terrorist threatening the nation. Cynthia says, "Yeah, thanks, that would be great. She's had a hard day at work," she said, propping a squishy Lisa back up and taking Rippner up on his offer. Be careful, it's not safe for two women," Rippner warned.

I put them in the cab I called for them, and Cynthia gave me her signature smile at the end of the ride.

Cynthia smiled and said goodbye, "Thank you so much, I wish all men were as nice as you are."

The cab drove off, and the man started the engine of his parked car and drove off after it.

─

''I'll walk you to the door," Cynthia said anxiously. Not wanting to bother her friend, Lisa said, "Don't worry! I'm almost there. I'm sorry about today. Thank you," and rushes out of the cab and wobbles to her apartment. Rippner parks his car about a block away from her apartment and heads to the apartment, which is built exactly across the street from hers. He peeks into Lisa's room through the window of the room he rented for surveillance. However, after about ten minutes, the light in the room still does not come on. Touching he chin, Rippner imagines her lying in front of the doorway. He runs to the floor where Lisa is, just in case. He would not normally be allowed to get close to his target. It is too risky. It was not smart to approach her at the bar just a few minutes ago. But if anything happened to her, it would be my responsibility. I could not fail this mission. Failure would mean Rippner's death.

When he reached room 501, where her room was located, he saw Lisa sleeping soundly with her hand on the doorknob. Relieved that the worst was averted for now, Rippner took her in his arms and put his hand on the doorknob. He had been watching her for seven weeks and two days, but this was the first time he had actually been in her room. He could have installed any number of surveillance cameras or listening devices, but Rippner did not. He wanted to protect her privacy as a good person. It was at least Rippner's way of making amends. Her room smelled fruity and gently sweet. It was probably rail d'utan. It smells a little old-fashioned for a young woman. She adored her grandmother so much that she always carried a picture of her grandmother in her purse, and it might have been a gift from her grandmother. Holding Lisa in his arms, Rippner buried his face in her hair. Inhaling deeply, he could smell the faint scent of peaches from her, and a hint of alcohol. He had never been this close to her before. He had only gazed at her through binoculars or from afar, but he looked at her again and thought she was beautiful. There were days when he wished she wasn't his target. There were days when he wished he could pretend to be a good guy and ask her out on a date. The more he got to know her, the more Rippner empathized with Lisa, the more intrigued he became, and the more subconsciously attracted to her.

He laid her on the bed and carefully removed her shoes. He brushed her slightly sweaty bangs and traced her lips with his thumb. Rippner sucked lightly on Lisa's lipstick, which was slightly on his fingertip, and made a lip sound. He climbed onto the bed and approached her, covering her. I don't know why I'm doing this.

Rippner then kissed Lisa on the mouth.

A breath escapes Lisa's mouth as our lips touch. She tasted like Sea Breeze, just as he expected. He wanted to feel her a little longer, but he had a mission to fulfill. Rippner pulled his face away from hers regretfully and tangled his fingers in Lisa's hair. After a deep sigh the man walks to the front door and puts the key to her room away in the refrigerator box. He closes the door, careful not to make a sound, and walks to the apartment across the street, locking the door with the duplicate key he had with him.

─

I drank too much.

Lisa is having the worst day of her morning thanks to wonderful nausea and a headache. She wanted to give herself the middle finger for yesterday. Lisa tries to remember what happened yesterday, but all she remembers is Cynthia worrying that she drank too much. I'll have to apologize to Cynthia later..." Lisa sighed as she stared at her cell phone number.

[currentlyfckingurmom]

Her Song part 24

"Y/N, this is Dr. Robbins, our head of pediatric surgery. She's the very best at what she does, so she'll be working with me to treat Sydney," Dr. Shepherd says.

The doctor she's introducing me to is blonde and undeniably beautiful. She gives me a bright smile and shakes my hand, which I politely return. "Thank you for your help, Dr. Robbins."

"No need to thank me. I just want your daughter to get better." There's a brief pause before she claps her hands together with a cheery smile. "So, can I meet the little troublemaker now?"

I laugh and say yes, and the three of us walk into the hospital room where Flo is laughing with Syd.

"Syd, there's another doctor who wants to talk to you," I tell her.

Dr. Robbins crouches beside the bed and strikes up a conversation with Syd about all of her favorite things. Syd smiles brightly and gushes on and on. Flo watches with a smile as Syd talks about the time she tried to play electric guitar. Dr. Robbins and I share a small smile across the hospital bed. Flo's face changes slightly into something more neutral, and my eyebrows furrow. Maybe she's just tired.

After a few minutes, the two doctors and I walk back out into the hall to discuss the surgery.

"So...when are we gonna do this?" I ask nervously.

"I'd like to perform the surgery as soon as possible," Dr. Shepherd begins, "But I need time to prepare. So my plan is to do the surgery in three days."

I blow a heavy breath past my lips and nod. "Then three days it is. Will you be operating as well, Dr. Robbins?"

"Since it is such a delicate procedure, I will be there in case of any complications. But Dr. Shepherd is the lead surgeon."

"Okay." I nod again and clench my jaw repeatedly to try and remain calm, because this is actually happening right now.

"I'll go get someone started on the paperwork you need to fill out," Dr. Shepherd says before walking away.

Dr. Robbins sees my tense body and places her hands on my shoulders. She looks into both of my eyes and smiles warmly. "Dr. Shepherd is the best there is. We're gonna take good care of your daughter, Y/N."

"Thank you, Dr. Robbins," I smile gratefully.

"Call me Arizona. I have a feeling we'll be spending a lot of time together from now on." She winks semi-jokingly and rubs my arm one last time before walking away.

I sigh and walk back into the hospital room. When Flo sees me, she looks down at her phone, avoiding eye contact. I want to ask her about it, but not in front of Syd, so I don't say anything.

~

After signing the last form, I sigh and hand the clipboard back to Arizona. Syd is once again asleep, and Florence is sitting in the chair answering some emails on her laptop. Probably freaking talking to People Magazine or some shit.

"I've gotta ask," I begin, "why are you sitting here with me? I mean, I highly doubt hotshot doctors usually sit down while their patient's mom fills out paperwork."

I lean back in my chair and she watches the movement with a small smile before shrugging. "I just wanted to be here for you. I know this can be a lot. Especially for a single mom. I admire your strength through this, Y/N."

"Thank you, Arizona. For everything." She nods and grabs the paperwork, waving one last time before leaving the room.

"So you two are on a first name basis now?" Florence asks coldly without looking at me. There's a bite to her tone that I don't recognize.

"Well, yeah. It's not a big deal, Flo. What's got you so upset?"

"Nothing," she sighs. "Nevermind."

I know it's not 'nothing' but I let it slide. She might just be tired.

~

"I'm sorry. I don't wanna go, but I don't have a choice," Florence apologizes with a sincere frown.

"Don't apologize, Flo. You have to go do famous people stuff. It's okay. We'll be okay."

Standing out in the hall, we simply look at each other for a minute longer. It's like both of us are expecting the other person to make a move.

I go back into the hospital room after she leaves and I sit with Syd.

I know I shouldn't, but I end up scouring the internet for information on glioblastoma multiforme. Bile rises in my throat as I read through everything. There's one common theme in every piece of information I find: Death. It all leads to death.

That's what it feels like, at least. I sniffle and wipe away the tears, turning off my phone. When I look up, I realize that Syd is wide awake and watching me with tears in her eyes.

"Something's really wrong, isn't it?" she asks, catching me off guard. I hesitate and she asks again. "Am I gonna die?"

I choke on the air in my lungs and fight as hard as I can against the tears welling up in my eyes. A five-year-old should not be asking her mom if she's going to die. This isn't right. None of this is right. This isn't fucking okay.

"Baby...you're sick. I don't want to lie to you. You're pretty sick, but the doctors are gonna take care of you, okay? We'll get through this." I grab her hand and she cries, but I can tell she's trying to hold it in. "It's okay to cry, Sydney. This is scary. It's okay to let yourself feel things, even if it hurts."

"Mommy, I'm scared," she whimpers, the tears flowing freely. I climb into bed next to her and hold her as she cries.

"We'll be okay. It's you and me. We'll get through this."

We have to. We have to get through this.

~

The next day, Dr. Shepherd comes to check on Syd. Florence never came back yesterday because she got held up doing something with her manager. I was a little upset to find out she wasn't coming back, but I have to remember that this isn't her life and Syd isn't her kid. She has no obligation to be here.

While Dr. Shepherd checks on and talks to Syd, I speak to Arizona in the hallway. I'm leaning back against the wall and she's standing in front of me. I think she's trying to distract me from everything that's going on. From the hell that's crashing down around me.

It's a nice thought, but it doesn't work as well as Florence's hand in mine. Nothing does.

"I could really use some coffee," she groans. "Wanna join me? The hospital stuff sucks but there's a good coffee cart outside."

"Miss Fancy Peds Surgeon wants to get coffee with me? Interesting. No groundbreaking surgeries to perform?" I tease.

"Not at the moment, no. I can always make time for beautiful women." I laugh at her comment and blush from the attention, although I don't feel that way about her.

"Arizona-"

"Y/N," a smooth accent says coldly from beside us. I look over to see Florence standing there, a hard glare set in stone on her face. If looks could kill, Arizona would be the one needing a doctor. "Should I go?"

"Flo, no. Why would you leave?"

"Well it seems like you're kind of busy. Go get some coffee. I'll be back later." She turns on her heel and walks down the hall away from us, angry determination echoing from each of her steps.

"I'm sorry, I- I've gotta go. Rain check on the coffee?"

"Yeah, of course. Go," Arizona says kindly. I mouth a 'thank you' and take off after Florence down the hall.

"Flo, wait," I yell once I can see her again. She doesn't stop or turn around. "Florence!"

I catch up to her and grab her arm, forcing her to face me. "Where the hell are you going?"

"It's fine, Y/N. Just go get coffee with her. She seems nice." Her words aren't genuine, they're venomous. She honestly sounds like she wants to punch Arizona's teeth in.

"Flo, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Look, I get it, okay? We were never serious. You have every right to go on a date with whoever you want," she snaps, turning back around and beginning to walk away.

So that's what this is about. She's jealous. She's fucking jealous.

I grab her arm and pull her harshly into an empty hospital room, closing the door behind us. The only source of light is the faint light coming from the hall window with half-closed blinds. "I cannot believe you right now," I scoff.

"Me? What the hell did I do, huh?"

"You're overreacting, Flo!"

"I don't see how I'm the problem here! I thought we had something, Y/N!"

"You're not listening to me-"

"Maybe if you weren't off flirting with some hot doctor-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," I mutter. I grab her by the waist of her jeans and yank her towards me. Her body crashes into mine at the same time I rest my hand on the back of her neck. I harshly pull her lips down to mine, finally feeling what it's like to kiss her.

For a second, she doesn't kiss back, likely because of the sudden shock of the kiss. But then she tangles her hands in my hair and desperately tries to pull me closer. She lets out a small moan as I squeeze her hip, and I slip my tongue into her mouth. Backing her up against the nearest surface, my hips roughly press against hers and we both moan at the contact.

I lift her up and set her on whatever we're leaning against, which I'm guessing is a bed. I grab her thighs and pull her body as close to mine as possible, desperate to make up for lost time. It's a messy tangle of heat, hands, tongues, and moans, but it's perfect.

I pull away with a gentle bite of her bottom lip, letting it go with a pop. "I don't want her, or anyone else. I want you, Flo. You should know that by now."

~

You could have anyone you want Why would you want to be with me? You know, I'm nothing special

Be with whoever you want I don't care, I don't care I don't wanna know

[aesethewitch]

Also, to be clear on a few things regarding my rules, just for the anons in my inbox:

The rules are linked on every FTF answer, every FTF intro post, and in my pinned post (at the end of tarot services) (ought to be updated for format/structure anyways, so the link location may change soon). They're also in the sidebar on the desktop version of my blog, but I know most folks aren't seeing that. Hence why they're... everywhere else.

I used to put them in every single FTF intro post! If I don't use a cut, it's super long and horrible to scroll past, so I must put a Read More cut. And guess what: people still sent asks that were against the rules. I actually get the same amount of rulebreakers now as I did then, so not doing this hasn't changed diddly shit.

Searching my blog for "rules for tarot readings" or "tarot rules" brings up, shock and awe, the most recent post mentioning tarot rules! In this case, it's the intro post for tonight's FTF! It has a link to the rules, which you can click!

The rules page sometimes doesn't load for people, and I don't really know why! Tumblr is Tumblr, y'know? I keep intending to put it in a blog post to make it less likely to bug out, but I've had a billion other things to worry about and keep forgetting about it. People who actually intend to read the rules send me asks mentioning this issue, checking whether their ask is okay and apologizing just in case it isn't.

I'm allowed to be a little sarcastic when someone breaks that many rules in a row, particularly when the links are literally everywhere, and I'm constantly telling people to read the rules before sending a FTF request. It's disrespectful of the asker to have sent it. Ordinarily, I'd just delete it, but this one, again, broke three in a row, and it was funny. My vaguely sarcastic tone is the least hostile thing I could've given you.

Come off anon if you want to go from being rude in my inbox to actual useful input. I don't bite. Let's chat. I'm serious, not angry, and fully sincere. Send me a DM. What would've made this easier for you? Where can I link these that you would've clicked them? Were you actually going to read them and couldn't for some reason? What happened there? Is it the length of the list? The format? The layout? Let's talk about it. I'm curious.

[bowofbalance]

Please if you would like explain feminist philosphy of language because my only guess at what that entails is womwn being called bossy more than men

I would love to explain! But there's a lot to talk about there and I have a very very bad case of sleepiness right now, so I'll keep it pretty short and confined to the specific questions that I'm interested in.

The philosophy of language covers a huge amount of ground and the feminist philosophy of language just applies those analyses to specifically issues that affect women (feminism).

Catharine MacKinnon specifically wrote against pornography, and the backlash to her was pretty immense. She said that pornography silences and subordinates women, and she was accused of being confused and making a categorical error and whatnot.

Philosophers jumped in to defend MacKinnon using what's called speech act theory (which says that speech can constitute actions, basically - like if I say "I apologize" those words constitute the act of apologizing). Using speech act theory, they argued that it is possible under the right circumstances that pornography can constitute those harms.

That was the beginning of silencing as something studied in the feminist philosophy of language, and silencing is what I'm most interested in.

Silencing is very difficult to define, and there are too many definitions of it to even begin to count, but the simplest way for me to explain it here is as communicative interference. There's some different examples that I could bring here to illuminate the definition: A woman tries to communicate refusal to a man, but because he was socialized to believe that a woman is not sincerely refusing when she says "no," the woman fails to communicate her refusal. The woman in that case would be silenced.

There's also a lot of different types of silencing: People might be silenced because they choose not to speak, knowing that their hearer wouldn't be able to competently listen to them for systemic reasons (Black women are less likely to report domestic violence to the police out of fear of reinforcing stereotypes about their race, for example).

Going based on the example you gave me: A woman runs a team at work and has the authority to give orders to the men who work for her. When she gives them orders, they interpret her orders as requests because she is a woman and they don't acknowledge her authority. They might perceive her as not thanking them enough or not appreciating them enough for doing as they are told, based on their interpretation of her words as requests instead of orders, and this very well might lead them to think of her as bossy or worse. That could, arguably, also silence her.

I'm very much not an authority on the subject, but I am very interested in it and I would love to talk about it more if my best attempt at a summary interested you. This is all also based on other people's work and definitely not my own, and I would be happy to direct people to any of the papers that actually came up with all of these ideas. And, there's a lot of context missing as well that I'd be more than happy to expand on.