#In case you wondered how insecure i am about it lmao

[tomwaterbabies]

Heyy :D

I really love your takes and I enjoy sappy things so if you ever feel like it I'd love to hear more from you about the 'lots of genuine sappy stuff because of which Varian fell for Hugo'

Thanks in advance and have a nice dayy!! 🎉

LMAO well alright ! and ty muchly for enjoying my takes........ u see the world and u understand it

im gonna do my best here but i admit not only am i prone to rambles im ALSO not super great when it comes to more genuine sentimental things but this will be a general idea at the very least (also tagging @exis-j-harvey out of courtesy lol)

this is long as hell btw

varian falling in love with hugo i think has to do a lot with varian's whole dream of going out into the world for his own adventure, to find his own discoveries, and to just. find himself. i like that the concepts for vat7k mention that varian has a desire to gain a greater understanding of himself, and i think that's an important aspect

the thing is, varian and hugo- to me- arent all that different. im not saying theyre one-to-one lol, they do have their differences. but i think sharing similarities both causes them to not get along at first as well as eventually causing them to be really, really close friends. i am a believer that this is a case of enemies to best friends to lovers

varian has always stood out as a little bit of a weirdo in corona (understatement). his friends and family love him dearly, but he obviously is still someone who kind of stands out and might not always feel like he fits in. when he goes on this adventure, he finds others (yong, nuru, hugo) who are so much like him. so much so that finding his blood family of inventors, while incredible, ultimately does not end up being where he feels he belongs- where he feels the most like himself. if i were to attach a disney love song to him, "strangers like me" would be applicable, just to give an idea

to actually, like, Talk about hugo here; i think varian sees something so much more than even hugo sees. hugo appears as pretentious and particular about many things, and he is, but varian sees that it's hugo's strong spirit that guides him. hugo is unique, he's opinionated, his will is hard to shake. varian sees someone who is so sure of things and confident, that he cant help but admire him. he sees someone so wildly complicated and full of intrigue. hugo is like a discovery of something new and wonderful to him. of all the incredible, amazing things he's been able to see and experience, i think hugo exceeds all of that to him

hugo is also charismatic and charming to him of course. i've mentioned Many Times that i subscribe to the take that he isnt flirty whatsoever and this is still true. he's just charismatic in other ways. he's sarcastic, cocky, and mischievous. many of these things have a chance of making varian laugh or will have him finding hugo endearing (and while hugo doesnt intend for this: varian definitely does still get really flustered on occasion- though i dont think hugo even realizes that varian is flustered because he finds him attractive)

and then there's the times where hugo opens up more. where varian sees hugo's genuine love and passion for things. he sees his kinder side, his softer side. and that all just makes varian feel so, so much more intensely for someone he is starting to consider his best friend. he also sees his talent, his intelligence, his bravery (for the things that really matter), and so so much more. to varian, he is full of spirit, larger than life. god this is so sappy but im talking about varian so!! it just HAPPENS!!

and these are just some aspects of him. like i said, he's a very complicated person. for all of hugo's hidden insecurities and self-loathing, varian sees just how Bright and Brilliant and Wonderful of a person hugo is. this is his partner in crime (sometimes literally), someone he can experience this life with- and there's something so indescribably wondrous about it all. to varian, hugo is Everything. and hugo most certainly feels the same way

(and since i've already used a song to help describe things- i'll say now that the classic "i hear a symphony" is applicable to varian's love for hugo too)

[bi-dykes]

hi so i feel so insecure about being bi 😫😫😫 like i wish i had someone that could help me accept this part of myself :(

Hiiiiii omg okay it’s saddening to see you like this but thank you for turning to me, I’m sending bisexual happiness and hugs your way

(Not mine, I just found both of these on google images)

Idk if this will help you but bisexuality is 100% natural and pure and innate, like one of my friends who is a farmer was telling me about this goat she has that is bisexual and has mated with both a female and male goat before lmao so she says that the goat has a wife and a boyfriend (goals). See? It’s even in more species than humans. Bisexuality is definitely special and wonderful and worth being proud of and celebrating, but simultaneously it’s also just a thang like some of us like men or women or both and everything in between or nobody. It’s not worth all this stress and sadness. I am astonished how much hate there is in this world based off of who you’re attracted to or not. And you will find non hateful spaces, you will find accepting spaces for bisexuals. I know I’ve already recommended @bisexual-safe-space to you but I’m repeating it just in case anyone else reading this is dealing with what you’re dealing with.

As for new stuff to show you, I want to recommend this article by bi.org on overcoming internalized biphobia, as well as the songs Good Bi and What Do You Call It by Bethany McCarthy

I’m gonna yap a lot so I’m putting it under the cut lol

I can give you advice, encouragement, resources, and a shoulder to cry on, but ultimately, I cannot be as much help as you can to yourself, because fighting internalized biphobia is an uphill battle. Do you work out, or do extensive homework, or clean big chores, or anything else that’s strenuous? You know how it’s like a… conscious BIG effort for improvement? Fighting biphobia is like that. Like you have to CATCH these biphobic moments in your mind and SWAT them away like flies. You have to work at this as if it’s a job (because unfortunately mental health is like a job sometimes ughhhhh) you have to pretend you’re doing sit ups and you’re panting and are like “okay… ONE MORE… c’mon PUSHHH” and it SUCKS but it works. Whether it’s blocking the biphobic comments out of your mind, creating and/or viewing bisexual art, punching a pillow out of frustration if that helps, talking to fellow bisexuals, giving yourself a hug- yes, physically doing so, it works for me at least lmao, and looking up to open bisexuals who can serve as a role model to you, you have to make the conscious choice to comfort yourself. And it will not be linear. And sometimes you need to feel worse before you can feel better, like if you’re unearthing painful memories to finally confront and deal with. And sometimes you skip gym days or hand in an assignment late. And sometimes you do go to the gym but take lots of if you can like, take lots of water breaks and rests- sometimes you hand in an assignment you’re not really proud of but at least it’s before the deadline, and that’s cool too. If you like, are insecure about your bisexuality a little bit less before the end of January I’d say that’s a success so far. And if you rid the internalized biphobia by the end of the year? Well 2025 will definitely be the big goal for bisexual self acceptance. But, of course, there is no set timeline in this.

Like just hang in there, stay in your journey, don’t expect it to work immediately, and trust yourself, trust that you’ll get better eventually. Run so fast that you fall down and scab your knee and put a cool hello kitty band aid on it, smile in the mirror and say “you funky little bisexual you”. kiss girls if you want, kiss boys if you want, kiss nonbinary folks if you want, also none of these things make you bisexual, you can also just enjoy daydreaming about boys and girls and everything in between. Make delicious food and munch on it and let your stomach feel warm and happy, snuggle under blankets, listen to the rain hit against your window and watch the sun streak through your curtains. make mistakes and learn from them, make victories and reward yourself to them, make messes and ask for help on how to fix them, make awesome jokes that ppl laugh at and you feel like the best comedian ever, cry until your eyes hurt and laugh and smile until until your mouth hurts, hang out with friends and family, make popcorn and watch The Owl House if you want (like the most bisexual show of all time IMO) and just keep waking up every morning and keep trying and it’ll all be okay.

I can 100% guarantee you’ll be fine because you are an awesome person, and bisexuality is awesome, so you mean to tell me that YOU are BISEXUAL??? The universe made YOU BISEXUAL?? The universe combined TWO AMAZING THINGS??? Wow. This is like whipped cream and a cherry ON TOP of a strawberry milkshake. You were always a wonderful person, and bisexuality was always wonderful, and now it’s put together… omg my brain is combusting from the insanely high levels of awesomeness here. And I am so excited for the day when you can see in the way I do.

like it sucks to have internalized biphobia but 1. That’s not gonna be permanent, not if you’re gonna work at this 2. You can have many fulfilling happy days while struggling with this, it isn’t going to rule your life. I had a fantastic spring/winter semester semi recently while breaking down from internalized biphobia and I would feel like wilted flower at times but I was still capable of reading and writing and playing music and eating ice cream and I had an amazing mutual (if you’re reading this Minaaaaaa tysm to this day lmao) give me such support and comfort and good advice, and bisexual friends at my university and hometown let me vent to them and they brought me joy, and like, I just lived on despite dealing with this. And yeah, my internalized biphobia at the time made me like a wilted flower, but at least I was a wilted flower in a beautiful garden and had many good days despite my pain. And, as of right now in my life I’m all smiley, and as proud as a lion about my bisexuality. While it’s definitely not good to have internalized biphobia and it’s obviously better to love yourself, this is okay. Our world will not break if we are insecure about something and are working on it.

It’s all okay. You can just breathe now.

[misc-obeyme]

Helloo, I’ve been thinking lately— how do you think the brothers/dateables would react to MC coming out as polyamorous/wanting a polyamorous relationship? I think weeks or even a month ago you reblogged a poll with OM threesomes? After I saw the post I kept wondering how Solomon would take a poly (V/pivot, with MC as pivot) relationship lol (because he tends to be jealous/insecure at times, but baby so am I :’))

Yes this is super super random lmao— in my defense my heart would absolutely break if I were ever forced to choose between Sol and Barbatos. I just can’t— thus I won’t I also wouldn’t reject Simeon ansbd I may (accidentally) have my favorites but it still would shatter my heart if I had to choose just one person (maybe even two’s not enough)

Hello there, anon!

Ah yes the poll I reblogged is here! @devildomwriter (I hope you don't mind me tagging you!) has been posting polls regularly and there was a series of them for who you'd like to threesome with. They might still be going! Last time I saw one, I think it was on part 11??

Anyway, I have thought about this very question because of the exact situation you describe - having to choose. Uh, I'm gonna put this under a read more 'cause it got kinda long!

The interesting thing about Obey Me is that MC can date everybody. If you always choose the romantic options for all the characters, then they all have to be okay with MC being poly. However, the jealousy between the brothers alone is a big theme that happens all the time in the story. They're constantly fighting over who gets to spend time with MC. I always felt like the OG deliberately made it seem like the characters were somehow unaware of the fact that MC might be dating all of them lol.

The brothers especially seem to be oblivious of this since there's no way they haven't figured it out when all seven of them plus MC live together. They must know they're part of a poly octopus, right?

But a more choosy MC might only have a poly V or some other configuration so if we consider how they'd all react to being in a V with MC as the pivot, then I think some of them are going to be able to handle that easier than others.

For instance, I think Solomon would struggle with a V situation. He would try to act like it doesn't bother him because he wants to support MC and he wants them to be happy. But he definitely gets jealous. I think it's something he would be willing to work through and I also think it could change depending on who the other part of the V is. I think he'd be more jealous of Lucifer than Barbatos, for example.

However, I very much think that Solomon would have a lot less of an issue if he was in a triad with MC. I think you could do this with Asmodeus, Barbatos, Satan, or Simeon and he'd be okay with it. Mayyyybe Levi too.

I kind of think in a lot of cases, it really depends on who the other person in the situation is.

I think generally speaking, Satan, Asmo, Beel, Belphie, Diavolo, and Barbatos probably wouldn't have any major issues with either a V or a triad/throuple situation. They're all confident enough in themselves and their love for MC that it wouldn't be a problem. Beel and Belphie are practically in a V with MC already anyway.

Lucifer is too prideful and I think he'd have a problem with the V if the other person was someone he didn't think was worthy of MC. Solomon? No way. Diavolo? He'd be okay with that. I also think a Lucifer/MC/Diavolo triad would work.

Mammon freaks out any time MC so much as looks at one of his brothers lol. However, I think he would want to do whatever makes MC happiest. I think he would struggle a bit with a V situation and he would need a lot of reassurance from MC. I think his insecurities would make him question himself unless MC was always telling him how important he is to them.

Levi probably wouldn't do well at all. I mean, he's the Avatar of Envy himself, do you really think he could share MC with anybody?? I just can't see it. I think a V would upset him. I think he'd be much happier with a triad situation, but he might still struggle with it.

Now Simeon is interesting because I personally think he'd be okay with it, but I do think he'd have opinions about the other person involved. Kind of like Lucifer, he'd want them to be someone he thinks is worthy of MC and if they're not, he'll make sure they know it.

Anyway, all of this is to say that I think you would be able to do a V with Solomon and Barbatos if that was your desire! I think both of them would just want you to be happy and in the OG, they're actually friends! So I think it'd be fine!

And since they all don't seem to be bothered by the fact that MC can date all of them, I'm of the opinion that you don't actually need to choose anybody at all. When I play, I choose the romancing options for all of them because I love them all so much lol.

[beefboyandbabygirl]

my fic timelines (for fun) !

SPOILERS FOR ALL MY CURRENTLY RELEASED FICS, just thought this would be fun for anyone that enjoys my stuff. You can kinda get an idea of what the fic is before it's y'know the full, completed thing. Sometimes I write down specific quotes I want in the story, and most of the time I also plot out the metaphors I want to use and stuff to sort of keep everything connected (but i have decided to forgo the metaphor-plotting). Also sometimes I end up changing things from how it's originally intended (just in case u read smth and ur like "thats not the way it was!"). the girl code one is soooar funny frs

*also shiver me timbers doesnt have a timeline bc its so short lol

GOODBYE, FOURTH OF JULY:

party-party sad

how yn and chan met + how yn is avoiding him during classes now, purposefully making herself late so she can sit with someone else and chan watches her intensely across the lecturehall 

chan FINALLY gets yn to his house while hes getting ready for a date. theres like a semi confrontation where hes like “i can tell your lying u kno” og yn er like… “no im nooooot” 

yn is soooooo depressed. so seungkwan and soonyoung and host an intervention (seungkwan is a second opinion)

chan develops a theory that someone mightve harassed yn at the party and he has heard women can b embarrassed ab that type of thing 

chan finally rips yn to his house and hes ANGRY bc shes been ignoring him and shes scared and feels bad and they have this big argument (“WHY WONT U LET ME HELP YOU”)  where she ends up confessing and chan realizes in that moment that hes in love with her too

super hot sex w praise and sweetness and desperation TIHIHIHIHIH

JUDAS IN THE WINDOW:

Yn comes home, thinks about chan blah blah sees him in window

Yn explroes the suburban ass town, sees the church is drawn to it. Is surprised to see chan in there WEARING A PRIEST UNIFORM. Naur. They talk a little. Sees the judas stained glass. Chan invites her to eat at his house also invites her to like church get together in 2 days

Yn eats dinner at his house, finds out he BOUGHT IT OFF HIS PARENTS WHEN THEY WANTED TO MOVE. CRAZY. A lot of tension and maybe a small argument bc of their differences and how yn kinda judges him for staying the same in the same place and how chan kinda judges her for being a whore n shit 

Yn still comes to the get together much to chans surprise! She keeps trying to apologize but ppl KEEP getting in the way! So chan is like just wait here until after the thing and shes like ok lmao. 

Chan and yn sex scene but first they gotta like. Talk out their differences. “I always felt a bit like judas” 

“I can’t tell if its you or god I turned my back to” you laugh

He watches you with an unreadable expression. “Maybe both,” he whispers. 

GIRL CODE:

at a party, yn and the girlies and dare i say mingyu find woozis book hes always writing in. after much debate, they decide to open it, and what in gods name. its the girl code. the girlies r outraged. thats for girls only. they dont confront woozi, as he has left (he forgot the book lmao).

yn and the girlies confront woozi after class in a secluded classroom. they interrogate. woozi, usually cold and cynical, cracks under the pressure of vicious angry girls and admits. hes writing it down so he knows how to approach his crush. yn is sad. 

yn thinking over her relationship with woozi. yeri (roommate) is annoyed bc she can hear her thinking (outrageous). flashback to the party where woozi #fucked her and shes wondering if it was really that long ago (it was). 

the girls have adopted woozi, and yn kinda thinks its torture bc now she is sad around him (and v insecure bc DOES NO ONE WANT HER?). but they coo and they love him bc hes such a sweet boy, and they’re giving him tips while theyre doing their makeup for a night out  and hes writing it down diligently. he asks her if shes ok. shes a little taken aback. yeah i am. 

another night of helping woozi and adopting him. mingyu wants 2 join but hes NOT one of the girls and hes all whiny and sad about it bc he does NOT want to go out with seungcheol and jeonghan again theyre mean. too bad. ur not woozi. this is for woozi and girls only. i imagine woozi pulls yn to the side and asks her directly like. i know ur not okay. i can tell. there’s something wrong. yn is like. i dont want to talk about it. woozi is like fine queen. 

mingyu (who is closest to yn) WANTS TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING IN WITH THE ADOPTED WOOZI THING. hes asking her over lunch and shes all angry ab it. she finally spills that hewas writing down notes for his crush and now shes sad bc  she kinda likes him and thought they had smth going on. mingyu is shook. he partially thinks the whole girl code book is rlly funny but he also feels bad. he buys her a froyo. 

at another party and mingyus mission is to get yn laid so shes no longer insecure and so she can get over woozi. introduces her to wonwoo and they talk at the party. while theyre talking yn notices woozi storming off from the party and putting two and two together, she figures things probably went south w his crush. she catches up to him outside the party and hes all angry and buff and doesnt want to talk to her. a heated discussion w jealousy and woozi finally confesses by being like. ok wait and he goes into a random garden and picks out a couple of flowers and start reciting the confession script on his phone. yn is like. noar way. shes shook and doesnt say anything and so woozi starts being all apologetic like. i know its not roses and i know its not exactly the setting you guys told me- yn kisses him tihi. they kiss then have the sex. its great. jealous sex. yum.

I ❤️ DILFS / GOOD GIRL:

Bff Giselle convinces yn to go to seokmins party invite (and bring her) and also idk maybe seokmin and vernon and her as a kid flashbacks? - establishes yns character, and also seokmins kindaaa

At the party and jeonghan flirts w her haaaarddd and seokmin is like lmao stay away from her and then brings her to his room where she’s safe and they talk ab what they’ll do in the fall break and they realize they’ll both be at dorm during holiday and then they’re like we should hang out fo sho

They hang out the first day and there’s like an ooopsie moment like hm idk what yet, maybe like seokmin remembers from childhood that’s she’s ticklish and he tickles her and they’re wrestling and he ends up on top of her (sexual tension tihi)

They hang out again and they drink? and yn ends up spilling that she’s bad at masturbating…. N he teaches her while they watch porn….. hot (smut frs) 

Next day again and yn is insisting on returning the favor but seokmin is v v sweet and in luv n is like noarrr but yn insists and then she gives him a blowjob  

Yn facetimes vernon and it makes her feel like a whore and tells him she doesn’t want to do it anymore over text (she’s afraid if she sees him shell abandon all modesty and jump his bones) and they don’t see each other that day - conflict 

Seokmin at her door. She only lets him in when he says sum shit like “I need to know I didn’t make you uncomfortable”. Then they confess their feelings and they have fr sex (also virgin mode, #firsttime, #dickomode) 

i hav 2 more completed timelines, but the fics arent done yet >:)))

[kenobster]

For the ask game! 💫 🎉 💞 🍭 🎙️(Hope that's not too many 😅 I love your writing!)

It's never too many, it fulfills my lust for validation, as does your very kind compliment. XD Thank you for the ask! ❤️

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Unfortunately, my favorite kind of comment is one that can't be easily replicated, hahah. XD I get a sense of whether my writing is good (aka effective at what I was attempting to convey) if the comments match what I expected readers to feel. For example — since I expected people to feel horrified and anxious while Obi-Wan's shock collar was activated in chapter 7 of Five Peggats Each, the terror in almost everyone's comments was very emotionally satisfying to me. For an example of the opposite — in chapter 2 of Every Shadow, I was actually really surprised that nobody mentioned how hard Anakin was trying; thus, I started to wonder if I hadn't properly conveyed that (or if him whipping out his lightsaber had contradicted it to a greater extreme than I originally planned).

Note: I loved all the comments on chapter 2; this is just a gauge I use to understand the effectiveness of my writing and how it's being perceived. Any failure to portray Anakin correctly to my vision was mine lmao; no one can take that away from me. XD

In other words, my favorite kind of comment is the one that manages to pierce through the veil and speak to my very soul. My favorite kind of comment is written by someone who has literally read my Brainthoughts™ unfiltered via my writing alone. So, if you're aiming to regularly give me my favorite kind of feedback, good luck with that, hahaha. (Though honestly, I really appreciate knowing how people react, even if unexpected, because then it helps me improve my writing for next time! So even if a reader can't telepathically communicate with me lmao, literary analysis is still very favored.)

Also I can't be asked this question without stating my favorite comment ever lmfao which is: "Anakin, I mean this in the most understanding, empathetic way possible… You’re an ungrateful little bitch." Which, if you've read chapter 2 of Five Peggats Each, this is fucking hilarious. 🤣 I'll never forget it. ❤️

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

Never lmao.

One time, when I was younger, I read a writing craft book by an author I found pretty humorous. One chapter asked the aspiring writer to consider what they fear. "Some people fear failure. Others fear success... yeah, I still haven't managed to figure that one out." Ten-year-old me found this hilarious. Joke's on me though because now, twenty years later, I am exactly the kind of writer who fears success. :') And I, too, haven't managed to figure it out.

I'm insecure; thus, I crave validation. If I don't get validation when I post something, I will cry ugly crocodile tears. (In other words, please don't think the solution to what I'm about to say is to stop commenting, lol; I'm a ho and I love you.) At the same time, I am anxious! So, if I do get validation, I will cry ugly panic-attack fears. It doesn't matter if the feedback is positive or negative — the more I get, the more the terror paralyzes me. For the life of me, I do not know why this is the case. I love comments, I want comments; I love feedback, I want feedback. For some reason, my body just immediately goes into fight-flight-freeze-fawn, without my brain's consent lol.

Luckily, after the first week or so, the anxiety fades, and I feel very proud while I remember every single kindhearted and wonderful comment I got — without feeling like my heart is gonna skyrocket into the astral plane. By then though, the celebration period has passed lmao. So yeah, I don't really do that part. Though, I guess I do have a ritual of sending my chapter to my mom and hearing her thoughts while we get ice cream after... So that's pretty nice, and I like it. :')

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

Really, I couldn't care less about things like grammar and typos lol.

For me, the most important part of a story is that it's doing something different. In some way, it has to be doing something that hasn't been done before. There are so many ways a story can do this and many times it can be done purely just by being your own unique self. In other words, this is not a contradiction to the "two cakes" logic. Unless you're literally plagiarizing someone else's writing, the way you have made the second cake will always be new and different, purely because it was made by someone who is new and different.

I do think people often shy away from their own uniqueness when they're writing. There are an unfortunate amount of jokes about fic being "too self-indulgent," and many novice writers seem to think that their oddities and quirks make them weird or unpalatable to readers. They are absolutely wrong — those oddities and quirks are actually what make their writing most appealing! Being self-indulgent should be the goal. If you're not weirding the fuck out of people by being bizarrely interested in one specific thing, then what you're actually doing is trying to fit yourself, as a triangle, into a circle mold. If there are no triangle molds in existence, that's fine — carve one out for yourself. :)

In short, be a freak. Be a weirdo. The weirder and freakier you are, the more readers you will draw, and the more passionate your writing will become. Absent of passion, stories are bland and dull and tired. For me, the most important part of a story is the way it lets me empathize with an author who is radically different from the rest.

🍭why did you start writing?

I started writing the second I knew how to hold a pencil — like "yeah they knew I was a creep, since the day I was born" lol. Maybe instead, let's say why I started writing fanfiction. I've written fic since I was a teenager but the last few years, I've grown an intense appreciation for the genre. Ursula K. LeGuin is an author whose style is so wonderful to me, mostly in that she revisits and revisits and revisits and revisits. Truly, her work was very much like fanfiction of her own past work in many ways. The freedom of fanfiction to innovate and improvise the structure of a story (even one's own story) without the approval of a publishing company (or societal expectations) is something that's really hard to find in other spaces. So I like fanfic, and, though I sometimes cycle through fandoms, I'm very much here to stay.

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

The prose in Five Peggats Each is actually something I've worked very hard at — particularly in giving a rhythm to the words. One that is easy to hear and audibly pleasing. I would love if someone was interested in doing that. :') Especially because then I could listen to the total whumpiness of chapter 7 with my own ears. It's my favorite. I've forever peaked lol.

Relevant sidenote: I sent my brother some excerpts of my writing recently (specifically the excerpt in the summary of Every Shadow and the musician/cantina paragraphs near the beginning of chapter 6 of Five Peggats Each), and he was like "dude, this would be an incredible audiobook" which made me super happy. :')

[yungfrieda]

6/15/23

where to start, where to start

i've been drinking this evening - just as an early caveat in case this post gets too long and wordy. BUT things are feeling okay.

I'm excited to be on a new festival project with Superfly - despite it being a dream job, i still treat it like work. i understand my own personal reverence for what it is i've done by being a producer on this project. it's exciting and i'm thrilled about it because i've wanted to work at this company since forever and i'm finally able to check it off the bucketlist.

i don't know where to start with present happenings. i can really only speak about them romantically in context bc that's where my heart is at. i went to visit my crush at his job this evening. it was a pleasure to see him but really funny, as always, given how shy he is around me. a few months back, we went on a really fun date where we basically skipped around town enjoying each other's company and roasting each other like we'd been friends forever. he's awkward and shy around me now which makes things a lot more complicated on my end because i'd assumed we'd broken all of those barriers but it's uhhhh... a nice slow burn lmao

called Jerome yesterday. he didn't answer which was honestly fine and very affirming. i spend a lot of time thinking about him but less time today than yesterday and the day before yesterday. i imagine him taking time for himself and getting better, for some reason.

it seems easier to imagine than the alternative, which is him not being well, which is the reason i called him in the first place. i just have a weird feeling, but either way, i can't will him to accept my presence in his life especially when he eventually came to hate it so much.

we had a conversation awhile ago where he said

"I like spending time with Kiana a lot - she's a challenging, unique, beautiful, intellectual soul" i responded: "then why do you act like it's the worst thing? why do you act like Kiana hates you and does everything not to understand you?" "I do not begrudge Kiana her humanity, I simply enforce breaks"

I wonder if this is a break, a boundary- and i wonder why it matters so much to me, what it is, especially when our relationship became so harmful. I suppose Jerome made me realize so many parts of myself - maybe not in the way he intended me to realize, but i saw a lot of myself through him. i saw so many things i could hold on if i kept making that choice, so many reasons to gnash my teeth and snarl at anyone who made me feel insecure and endangered in any way. i wonder when i became the enemy in his mind, really - or if anything he said to me at that point in time was real in the first place or if he was just imagining some version of me.

i'm learning who i am, day by day, and i don't always think it's a person people will agree with or like. that's okay - i know how to compromise and i'm learning how to do so without compromising myself - compromising for the sake of getting things done, getting even a half a percentage of needs met. Or at least being honest when someone is asking me for something I can't give. I asked Jerome, at one point, how i could help foster better communication between us and he said he wasn't sure or didn't have the answer - i don't remember exactly.

but i'm... that type of person. Like Jerome, i react out of hurt. Even if it's not the level of vitriol as Jerome, the reaction is still an escape or a way out of asking directly for what it is i need. it kicks up drama, and makes my needs even more obscured than before. i end up blaming the other person for not responding appropriately for needs i haven't expressed and cannot even see well enough to express.

he'd expressed this cycle as being a familial pattern. i also know it as a familial pattern but i refuse to pretend like it doesn't bring hurt. i try to be as direct as possible, to my detriment and also to my benefit, because ambiguity gives me too much space for my brain to roam. i prefer to know what i'm dealing with - but most people are not great at communication, especially if it's uncomfortable.

one of the things i always used to wonder with him - was whether or not rejecting me was something he did because he truly wanted me to be better or if he saw behavior in me that he refused to see in himself. i believe it to be the latter - and i refuse to live that way. i want to rekindle our friendship, for selfish reasons. because i think he knows this about himself and that he's in denial for the sake of being "right" in our argument. but at the same time, i think he's a traumatized person, as i am, and he may decide to demonize who i was in his life forever. i wonder sometimes why i care - but i also genuinely appreciated how much i understood his upbringing and how much i thought he understood mine. trauma bonds are truly the most troublesome to let go of.

ah. i'll figure it out.

[zaptrap]

i also want to ramble a tiny bit abt jay becuz yolo lmao it will also be under the cut (it's mostly replying to stuff u said) (sorry if there's typos)

Jay is such an interesting case of a character for me because I started out the show not liking him. Which is. Stares at my entire account I think my feelings have changed somewhat

DUDE SAME LIKE i barely even thought of jay and then ONE DAY something just? changed?? and ive been obsessed with jay ever since (i wanna say it was either ep8 or rebooted but honestly who knows at this point). like i still love cole, and my 2 favs being besties is so cute 🥺, but jays just like a lil rat and i lov him... Although I do wonder if my favs would be different if i'd gotten into the show at a different time, like if i'd had more time with newer seasons and less nostalgia chaining me to the older ones lmao.

Jay starts out as an asshole I don’t think anyone can disagree with me there (although honestly they’re all assholes in early ninjago they bullied a ten year old and left him dangling several feet off the ground)

I FORGOT THYE DID THAT TO LLOYD LMAOOOOO THAT POOR KID.... THAT WAS PROBABLY THE 3rd MOST TRAUMATIZING THING FOR HIM AT THE TIME, after his mom leaving him and his dad becoming lego satan

but over the course of the show you can see him start developing into a much more interesting character. He goes from being so insecure he's faking everything about himself to someone who knows who he is and is so genuine about it

dude i love characters who put on a mask/act to hide their problems its so fun digging into why they do that and whats the mask and what isnt and what masks are used for who and how people react to them and etc etc

now yea we could argue about whether his character was too uwu-ified post-season 10 but this is the FUN HAN POST SO WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT

jokes on you we ARE TALKING ABOUT THAT, MUHUAHAHAHAHAHA. my personal headcanon is that he just mellowed out after getting older and engaged lmao. or maybe its just his ✨latest persona✨ he's trying out or smth. the whole uwu-jay thing is really funny to me cuz both "whiny comedic relief bastard" and "uwu babu" are some of my fav archetypes in characters so the fact that jay gets to be both is like "yay! 2 cakes!" LMFAO. it was fun seeing him be a lil shit again in DR tho

(i was gonna grab a screenshot for that like i did with the hunted scene but netflix has bloCKED THE ABILITY TO TAKE SCREENSHOTS THE WAY I USED TO and i don't have them already and i'm too lazy to grab them from elsewhere so alas trust me he says it)

(netflix is so annoying dude like omfg)

i don't have any comments on the skybound-to-prime empire pipeline stuff, its all interesting stuff owo. emotional security+role model arc...

Also how was [jay] supposed to know literally all the rest of the groups parents were either dead, presumed dead, or had a toxic relationship with their kid lmao

Jay: ugh parents SUCK am i right? Everyone else: you have parents?

Jay's just fallen from the sky with a messed up eye and is incredibly distraught that all his friends are captured. And his dad just. The woRLD IS FALLING APART AND HE'S EATIN' SOUP-

LMFAO what ep was this from, im assuming skybound?

yea i think that's enough for a tumblr post anyways! If anyone wants any like. More logically thought out and direct thoughts about characters feel free to send me asks this was fun thank u zaptrap for this opportunity to scream about jay

you're very welcome! now make another 🔫/lh also i like how you wrote an entire additional essay in the tags LOL. idk what season lives rent free in my brain but its probably rebooted cuz...well yknow 😂. i like the scifi seasonssssss

---

I do wonder how Jay's gonna be in DR though like, he went from "insecure bastard" to "actually im ok" to "stuck in an eternal office" so like, is he gonna relapse?? does he just need some fresh air?? is nya gonna show up and all his problems are solved??? is he just, still ok but tired from gaming office "work"???? who can say. dude though, with nya already being sora's mentor, and jay already being an inventor, i could totally see them eventually just being her new parents. that'd be so fukin cute 🥺🥺🥺taking in a stray cat

god like there just isnt enough to definitively determine what's up with jay in DR. theres SO many reasons he could be ornery, between the office and annoying coworkers and presumably not seeing nya for what, 5 years????????????????????????????? wait has it actually been 5 years, icr if they ran into each other sooner or not. i think nya said smth about- ok yeah she did [DR1 ep4]

dude what happened to her the past 5 years

ramble about ur favs i wanna hear abt ur thoughts -zaptrap

HAN’S INFODUMPING ABOUT JAY... START!!!!

so like sgdkdhdkdhd I say Jay and Lloyd are my “favorites” but honestly it’s so hard to pick favorites out of this skittles squad like I love EVERY character for a variety of different reasons. I was going to also infodump about Lloyd but then I started talking about Prime Empire and then this post got. Long. So. it's just Jay I may infodump about Lloyd another day especially since I'm very Conduit Brained Rn but yea yea!

this is long so i'm putting most of it under the cut so y'all don't kill me for making a huge long post

I considered putting Zane and Sora on here as well since I’d also consider them my “favs” but like this is already gonna be. A lot of. Infodumping (also i typed THIS part before I even started and decided not to yell about Lloyd because this already got long enough). Maybe I’ll make a separate post for those two hmm hmm much to consider but for now MY (technically) FAVORITE NINJAGO CHARACTER: JAY WALKER

THE SPARKPLUG WHO INVADED MY BRAIN LIKE A PARASITE

so hey his name is a pun this makes me laugh ridiculously hard every time I remember he is named. After a misdemeanor HSKSHDKFH

Jay is such an interesting case of a character for me because I started out the show not liking him. Which is. Stares at my entire account I think my feelings have changed somewhat

Jay starts out as an asshole I don’t think anyone can disagree with me there (although honestly they’re all assholes in early ninjago they bullied a ten year old and left him dangling several feet off the ground) but over the course of the show you can see him start developing into a much more interesting character. He goes from being so insecure he's faking everything about himself to someone who knows who he is and is so genuine about it

now yea we could argue about whether his character was too uwu-ified post-season 10 but this is the FUN HAN POST SO WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT the point is you can SEE the growth that Jay has gone through and I am going to show you that growth through what I call

✨ The Skybound to Prime Empire Effect ✨

I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE IDEA THAT PRIME EMPIRE WAS WRITTEN TO BE A DIRECT PARALLEL OF SKYBOUND AND WAS CENTERED ON SHOWING HOW THE NINJA ESPECIALLY JAY HAVE GROWN THROUGHOUT THE SEASON

when season 12 rolls around we are at the point in Jay's development where he is CONFIDENT in who he is. He's a fun-loving jokester with the power of lightning and the drive to help people whenever he can. He uses jokes and humor to help alleviate tension and get people through whatever's happening. And when on his own what does he do?

BECOME AN ENTERTAINER BABEY

i like to think jay's club in prime empire was a safe haven for anyone stuck in the game who figured out hey. we Can't Leave and felt freaked about it. Also Jay would generally try and spread the word that hey something ISN'T RIGHT HERE which would lead people to want to stay with him

(totally plugging my friend's fic but this kind of thing is explored in would you like to enter prime empire by @finn-m-corvex y'all should check it out cool cool)

also the prime empire shorts which i watched all of in the midst of typing this video cuz i love them go watch them please please please jay was publically fighting the red visors which I imagine may have raised some red flags for some players

THIS SOMEHOW TURNED INTO PRIME EMPIRE INFODUMPING LMAO ANYWAYS Jay's confident! He becomes an entertainer because it's who he knows he is! And it's something that will get people hyped and having fun, which is very in-character for Jay to do! He uses those kinds of things to mask the Bad Things going on and get people remembering what's good

I've talked about this sort of thing before but that's Jay's whole philosophy as early as season 9! Which is a DIRECT contrast to how he views it in season 6, as Nadakhan puts it scarily accurately

"You make jokes to mask the fact that you're afraid"

(i was gonna grab a screenshot for that like i did with the hunted scene but netflix has bloCKED THE ABILITY TO TAKE SCREENSHOTS THE WAY I USED TO and i don't have them already and i'm too lazy to grab them from elsewhere so alas trust me he says it)

making jokes to hide your fear and using humor to remind yourself of what's good and coping with the bad are two VERY different outlooks on it

so I think this outlook is what drives him to make this glamrock persona in the first place - this is a bad situation, one he's in with other civilians, and what better way to keep him and themself safe until the others get there than throwing a big performance at a safe place!

also it's just so gender okay I want to look like Superstar Rockin' Jay so badly

it's also interesting to see his outlook on his parents change over time! In season six he finds out Ed and Edna aren't his birth parents and feels upset about it, not understanding why his birth parents would've abandoned him. In season twelve, that outlook changing is EXACTLY why Jay's able to get through to Unagami

"I was abandoned by my parents, too!... I never understood why, and I never had the chance to even ask. But I always hoped there was a good reason. What if there's a reason?"

(again curse you netflix i wanted SCREENSHOTS whatever whatever)

It's this scene that gets Unagami to calm down long enough for Milton Dyer to get there, and presumably is what stops him from just. Flattening him and Jay like a pancake.

to piggyback off of this i absolutely adore how Unagami and Jay consider each other adopted brothers in that one book I still haven't read and I hope he's in Dragons Rising at some point Unagami is my favorite "villain" (no longer a villain) in the whole show he deserves more screentime

like this is where i found out about this and it's plagued my mind ever since. i need to read. this book just for them

SO YEA OKAY Prime Empire is "Who is Jay as a Person Post-Skybound" to me also it opens up so many fascinating things about Jay. I rest my case

so backpedaling a little bit. JAY CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HIS PARENTS GUYS IT'S SO SOFT AND I'M sobs

like yea the first episode with Ed and Edna in it has Jay avoiding them like the plague but this gets explained very easily when you remember he was bullied for his home life before he became a ninja. It makes a lot more sense why he wouldn't want them around his new friends, assuming they'd react the same way. Also how was he supposed to know literally all the rest of the groups parents were either dead, presumed dead, or had a toxic relationship with their kid lmao

(Cole calling his mom kills me. Cole's mom is dead. I know they probably just didn't think that far ahead when writing the dialogue but it's so funny mans pretended to call his dead mom to get on Jay for not appreciating his parents iconic behavior)

anyways literally every episode Ed and Edna are central to (except like the one in skybound) Jay stops at nothing to protect his parents and it means the absolute world to me he's so much like them!! They raised an inventive little nerd and he will stop at nothing to make sure they're safe and it's. It's SO IMPORTANT TO ME OKAY

ALSO this is an excuse to clip my favorite piece of dialogue possibly in the entire show. Except Netflix won't let me now. So you just get the text dialogue

Jay's just fallen from the sky with a messed up eye and is incredibly distraught that all his friends are captured. And his dad just. The woRLD IS FALLING APART AND HE'S EATIN' SOUP-

Ed i love you

anyways

anways anyways this just turned into me rambling about prime empire and then Ed and Edna and a lot of disjointed other stuff but thank you for this opportunity i was going to also ramble about lloyd but i put this post in a word count and

yea i think that's enough for a tumblr post anyways! If anyone wants any like. More logically thought out and direct thoughts about characters feel free to send me asks this was fun thank u @zaptrap for this opportunity to scream about jay

[boysyourenotalexturner]

Favourite look, favourite era 

[hotchgirlsummer]

sweet nothing ⤷ aaron hotchner x gender neautral!reader

summary ⤷ aaron hotchner was just about to sleep when his partner has some interesting musings to share. and instead of questioning them, he indulges them which pays off.

pairing ⤷ aaron hotchner x gender neutral!reader ; mentions of jack

warnings ⤷ none. fluff! tiny angst if you squint very hard

word count ⤷ 1.3k words

a/n ⤷ wow wouldja look at that my third submission for @hotch-central's Aaron Hotchner's birthday celebration,, like i mentioned in my earlier post i got covid so i have a wee bit more time to write as i'm stuck in isolation lmao. as usual, feedback is appreciated (especially since this is my first time writing with a gender neutral reader!) take care guys!

prompts are from @theprincessbt (though i did tweak it a little)

“I love your cute, crooked teeth.” “…..Thanks?”

 “Do you know your eyes glitter in the moonlight?” “Um…you mean shine?” “No, I mean glitter.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” That caused Aaron to place the bookmark on top of the page he was currently reading and closed it so he could direct his full attention to them as he nodded, “Of course, what’s on your mind, sweetheart?”

“I love your cute, crooked nose,” They stated with a toothy grin; this however just caused Aaron’s eyebrows to furrow the same way it would when they were met with a dead end during a case. He schools his features with a confused smile as he says, “Thanks?”

The furrowed eyebrows made an appearance once more when Y/N erupted in laughter as they snuggled into his side, hand reaching for his as they fiddled with his fingers before pressing a kiss to his chest, “Really? You just went with it? Didn’t even find it odd?” Catching along that they were just pulling his leg, he unclasped his hand in theirs and gently tickled both their sides, relishing in their giggles and squirms, “I, in fact, found it quite odd. And I shall investigate to get to the bottom of this!”

“I yield, I yield!” Y/N shrieked out as they were able to put a stop to the gentle assault Hotch’s fingers had launched on them. After catching their breath, they laid their head on top of Aaron’s chest and hummed, “I didn’t really mean anything by it, your nose is very cute, you know?” As if to further convince him of it, they stretched and placed a kiss on the tip of his nose before gently nibbling on it — which this time caused the unit chief to chuckle at their silly antics.

“Just wanted to bug you a little, ‘s all,” They sheepishly admitted and drew little shapes on his chest. “You could never bug me, sweetheart, you know that.” Came his immediate reply. It was often for the pair to constantly reassure each other’s anxieties — one thing Aaron greatly appreciated as he previously found himself drowning in his thoughts of insecurity. But with Y/N, he never had any moment of doubt that lingered for too long for they were always quick to ease his apprehensions.

“So what’s really going on in your pretty little mind, hm?” Aaron wondered as he kissed the tip of their nose and smiled softly. Shrugging their shoulders, they racked their brain for another way to distract him and they immediately jumped in, “Do you know your eyes glitter in the moonlight?”

“I think you meant shine, sweetheart,” Hotch corrected them gently as they chuckled when they had this firm pout of conviction that they were right, “No, I meant glitter.”

“The longer we’re having this conversation, the more convinced I am that you are sleepy,” Hotch concludes in his unwavering voice that was usually reserved for when he was out solving cases, not for when he was chatting up with the love of his life. But seeing how smiley they were when he used his sharp tone, indicating that they were not intimidated by it and instead found it attractive, caused him to mirror the happy state they were in.

“I’m not sleepy, babe. I promise,” They said as they absentmindedly drew shapes on his chest, Hotch relishing their gentle touch, “Well I am, a little. But I still want to stay up and talk to you.” They were so close to slipping up behind the real intention of why they were waiting for the clock to strike midnight. But Aaron was just worried that if they stayed up any longer, Y/N would be exhausted in the morning.

“Just go to sleep, sweetheart. I saw you snacking on Jack’s Halloween candies and you might be experiencing a sugar crash already.” This caused Y/N to scoff in offense as she lightly smacked his broad chest, “I only ate like 3 Kit Kats! I don’t think that warrants a sugar rush and a sugar crash!”

He only chuckled seeing them all riled up, trying to come across as stern but failing short as Aaron only found them utterly adorable. “I didn’t mean anything by it sweetheart,” Their thumb gently rubbed the side of their eye as if to emphasize his next point, “But I can see your eyes drooping. And I just don’t understand why you’re so against sleeping, sweet. We can keep talking tomorrow — or should I say later — you know?”

“But that’s too far away,” They whined as they took a peek at the clock and was delighted to see it was a mere two minutes and a half before midnight, meaning they would not have to stall Aaron for a long time, “Have I ever mentioned how much I loved your voice? Like, I think you can get away with doing an audiobook. Or maybe even voice acting! You did such a great impression of Darth Vader the other day that I thought James Earl Jones was the one talking!”

There was a faint blush on Aaron’s cheek and finding it endearing, Y/N stretched a little to kiss the blush on his cheek and nuzzled against him, “I’ve never thought of that, no. Perhaps a career to explore for when I retire?”

“As if you’d ever leave the bureau, we both know you have a marriage-like bond with the job,” They jokingly teased as they were able to notice a small flash of sadness in Aaron’s eyes but before they could reassure them it was made clear that it was not that as he said, “Well just say the word and I’ll form a marriage bond with you.”

Hardly able to focus on their words as they noticed that it was less than ten seconds before midnight, “Before we go saying our vows or anything like that, how about I just say this: happy birthday, my love.” This statement caused Aaron to whip his head to the side just in time to watch the clock read 12:00 and groan when he realized it was his birthday.

“Is that why you wanted to stay up late? To be the first person to greet me?”

Smiling when their boyfriend figured out the intention for their delaying tactics, they nodded proudly, “What took you so long to realize that, Mr. Profiler?” Hotch only chuckled as they cuddled them further into his side, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m not really the type to celebrate my birthday.”

“I don’t understand why you aren’t thrilled to celebrate your birthday, babe. I know it’s your birthday but it’s like you came into this world as a gift to many — well to Jack and I mostly, but you know what I mean,” Y/N explained which caused Hotch to smile widely when they explained why they value his date of birth so much. “I’m gonna let your little slide as long as you promise that you don’t have something too extravagant planned to celebrate.”

Y/N sat up to turn off the lamp that was on their bedside table before finally allowing sleep to slowly take over their body as they nodded against Aaron’s firm chest, “Nothing grand, I promise. But I do have about fifty-seven presents lined up for you.” A small smile — a bit mischievous the unit chief would later take note — settled on their lips as they fell into a deep slumber after fighting it off for a few minutes whereas Aaron could only shake his head as he knew no matter how hard he tried, they were the only exception to every rule he had. Placing one last kiss on their forehead before allowing himself to sleep too he spoke, “I love you, sweetheart.”

[rancidpancakebatter]

🎥 For Matt Murdock, said by the reader (because we all know Matt could sense these kind of things...and that he can't see lmao), "When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew."

You Knew - [M.M.]

Pairings: Matt Murdock x GN!Reader

Summary: You grew up with Matthew, but how long have you loved him?

Word Count: 2.3k words

Content: Very brief allusion to sex at the end

( Masterlist )

A/N: I'm sorry this took so long but here you go. I hope you like it :))

I am slowly making my way through my asks, so I thank you all for your patience

Thinking back, you don’t think you’ve ever been happier. You were currently sitting on the couch, reading a book. Your legs were stretched out under a soft throw across Matt’s lap, while he was going over some case files. 

He brought some tea to his lips and his other hand continued to run across the page. The afternoon sun washed him in a beautiful amber hue. You wish to cradle his face the same way the sunbeams did. 

“What?” You blinked a few times before you realised Matt had said something. “You’re staring.”

You chuckled, knowing he wasn’t upset, merely teasing you. “It’s nothing.”

Matt only hummed and you went back to your reading. Well, you tried, but as you stared at the words, your mind drifted. 

Saint Agnes was the only home you knew. You never knew your parents, only the sisters who raised you. The story of the child hero who lost his eyesight saving someone’s life was one all the children knew. Hell’s Kitchen didn’t get much good attention, so this kid was kind of like a symbol to you all. 

You remember when Matt first arrived. He was quiet and kept to himself. Many of the other kids would whisper about him when he would pass and you knew he could hear it. Some of the boys complained about his nightmares, said he was possessed. You refused to believe that. 

One day on the playground, Matthew got corned by two boys. One took his cane and when Matt pushed at them the other slapped him, his glasses flying off. You ran up to one of them and turned them around. 

“What is your problem? Are you brain-dead? Is that it? What? Did you find out that even blind he’s at a higher reading level than you?” One of the benefits of growing up here: you knew everyone’s buttons and how to press them effectively. Bradley was practically a neanderthal. He was insecure about his intelligence and used brute force to get his way. 

He turned on you but before he could even raise his fist Matt swung, knocking him off kilter. By then, enough shouting had happened to alert one of the sisters to the commotion and you were all escorted to Sister Mary’s office. 

After that, you and Matt were thick as thieves. You were always getting into trouble. Kids could be brutal and you watched each other’s backs. You were more quick-witted while Matt was a better fighter. Together you made an unstoppable team. 

But you both grew up. Matt left for college and you lost touch. You always wondered what had happened to him. You stayed close to home, you continued to do volunteer work at Saint Agnes. That’s where you met him again. You were delivering some donations from a clothing drive when you noticed Maggie slinking around. 

Old habits die hard. You felt like a kid again as you followed her through the halls, speculating about where she was going. She was looking over her shoulder a lot, so it must have been something big. You wondered what the sacred sister was up to. 

You heard her scold some children before they ran into the hallway. You caught them in the hall and asked them what was in the room. 

“Some guy. We thought he was dead but then he woke up.”

“Yeah, he looks terrible.” 

They took off when they heard other footsteps in the corridor. You hid behind a corner as another sister moved down the stairs. 

Your feet carried you to the door, listening from just outside. 

“I need to change your gauze,” You heard Sister Maggie say, “Preferably without you flailing around like an idiot.”

You heard clinking and a zipper. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by any of this. You were always pissed off. Of course, back then, you were just a boy who lost your eyesight.”

Your mind started spinning. A blind guy, hidden away in the orphanage? You knew it could be anyone but you couldn’t stop thinking it was him. It was obviously someone Sister Maggie knew. The description fit your old friend too well for it to be a coincidence. 

You had seen in the paper that Matthew was a lawyer now, responsible for taking down Wilson Fisk. It seems over the years his wit had become more scathing. You were proud of his sharp tongue. 

You enter the doorway, your curiosity getting the best of you. Your steps were quiet and both of them seemed too wrapped in their conversation to notice you. You looked over the body, though you couldn’t see the face. 

“Congratulations. You finally caught me.” You knew that voice, you had heard it on the news. You stepped closer and his battered face was more than enough proof.  

“Matthew?!”

You helped him recover in the church basement. You caught up on life and all that he had been up to. You listened to his self-pity monologues and his declarations against god. You were much more sympathetic to his righteous anger than Maggie was. You helped him set up his punching bag and kept him company. You even got to meet Karen, though the circumstances they were under were quite frightening and deadly. 

Since Matt’s recovery and the revival of the Daredevil, you and Matt became a lot closer. You fell back into your old ways. You felt comfortable with him, like falling into a distant memory. You didn’t realise just how much you had missed him. 

He introduced you to Foggy (and reintroduced you to Karen in a much safer and calm environment) and you were glad they were in his life. He seemed happy around them, less rageful than you remembered him.

Matt leaned on you a lot as he slowly brought himself back to life. You helped him clean his apartment, find a good Devil-to-Matt ratio, and process the betrayal he felt from Margaret’s actions. 

Now you were dating Matt. You don’t really remember how it happened. One day you were friends and then the next you were sharing sweet kisses and holding each other as you slept. It was the most natural progression you had ever experienced.

​​You’ve never been happier. Matt was kind and sweet. He doted on you and made you feel special every day. Even in mundane moments like these, where he had to bring work home, he was still spending time with you. 

As he was reading he was rubbing your leg over the blanket. He looked almost holy in the evening sun. Matt seemed so relaxed lately, it was a look you enjoyed on him. For most of your time knowing Matt, he was full of rage. But now, he seemed so warm. He was just so amazing. 

In this moment you realised something. “I love you.” 

Matt’s hand stopped on the page for just a moment, “I love you too.” 

He said it so nonchalantly. As if he had told you this a million times, not like he was saying this to you for the first time. You sat up, shocked by his response. When you pulled your legs away from him he sat up straighter, a look of confusion on his face. 

“What?” He asked you for a second time today. 

You blinked at him dumbly as your mouth gaped like a fish. “Wh- eh- You…you love me?” 

Matt's confusion melted into a blinding smile. “Yes. And you love me; have for a while now.” 

He had to bite back laughter as you continued to gape at him. “But I’ve never said that before. How did you know?” 

Matt grabbed your hand, “I’ve known since I met you.” 

“You’ve loved me since we were kids?” Matt did laugh at that. 

“No, but you did.” You smacked his arm as he continued to laugh. 

You think back to the first day you met. It was after the fight. You sat outside the office on a bench with Matt waiting for your turn for questioning. He was a mystery to you. He was normally quiet, keeping to himself. You were the same in that regard. 

You preferred to stay in the background and learn from your environment. It had done you well. You wondered why Matthew had chosen to live in the background. You felt yourself worrying for him, closely eyeing his cheek where you saw a welt slowly growing. 

You had to admit he was pretty. His features were soft despite the permanent scowl on his face. His hair was kinda shaggy and you thought his sunglasses were cool. You mentally traced the silhouette of his face. 

Mathew was older than you by two years. He was a “big kid” and you wondered if he found you annoying. Many of the children here did. You played around with the idea of him becoming your friend. You weren’t sure what that would look like but you wanted that. 

You felt your stomach twist when you thought about how he had fought for you. It wasn’t a particularly unpleasant feeling, but a new one. Something about this boy was magical. You wanted to learn everything about him: his favourite colour, his favourite book, his favourite toy. Maybe he didn’t play with toys at all. He was nine after all. You wondered what he did for fun, if not playing with toys. 

Matt tilted his head and you wondered what he was thinking. You knew that was his confused/thinking face. A small smirk spread across his face before he turned to you. You held your breath, hoping he couldn’t feel you staring at him. You stayed that way for a while before he turned his head back to the wall, chuckling.

It hit you then. He was right. 

“You smiled…” Matt’s laughter was calming down.

“What are you talking about?” You couldn’t believe this man. 

“On that stupid bench…when I saw you I fell in love,” You laughed in disbelief. “And you smiled because you knew." 

On his face was a similar smirk. Little Matty wasn’t as far in the past as Matt pretended he was. You couldn’t bring yourself to be mad at the man in front of you. Not when your heart was threatening to beat out of your chest. Trying to escape the confines of your ribs and land in the hands of the man you loved. The man you loved. The man you have loved since you were seven years old. 

You brought your hands to his face and crumpled as you felt him melt into them. “You smug bastard.”

Matt chuckled, his unfocused gaze on you. “A smug bastard that you love.”

You chuckled as you brought your lips to his. It was soft, sweet. It was everything you needed. Matt’s hands rested on the side of your ribcage, his smile ever-present. You leaned back, breaking off the kiss but not going far. 

“I love you, Matty.” You felt his hands fall to your hips. 

“I love you, (Y/N).” He closed the space between you and this kiss was a bit deeper. You felt like you were on cloud nine. It all felt so surreal. Suddenly a thought crossed your mind and you pulled away. You laughed when Matt whined, chasing after you. 

“Wait, I’ve loved you since we were kids. How long have you loved me?” A faint blush decorated Matt’s cheeks. He pretended to think about it and you smiled at his antics. 

“Let’s see…I knew I loved you when you were sending me off for college. I remember you were trying your best not to cry. And you wouldn’t let me hug you until I was getting in the taxi because you said you wouldn’t let me go otherwise.” He chuckled at the memory and you felt tears pooling in your eyes.  

“When we did hug goodbye, I found it much harder to let you go than I anticipated. It took all of my resolve to do so, and I released it was because I did love you.” Matt pulled you into his lap and you moved your hands from his face to wrap them around his neck. 

“I don’t remember when I fell for you. Probably when we were teenagers. I don’t know for sure, though. I do know,” He said as he moved your hair out of your face before resting his hand in its place. 

“That I have loved you for a long time. I don’t think I ever stopped. I know that I never will.” He swiped his thumb under your cheek, collecting a tear that had escaped. 

“Alight, alright,” You said through a sniffle. “You win.” 

He laughed, his smile creating wrinkle lines across his face. “Of course I do. I get to kiss you, hold you, and love you. Every day that I wake up in your arms, I am winning.” 

You roll your eyes at him and call him a sap. “It may be sappy, but it’s true nonetheless, my love.” 

You are absolutely positive he could sense how your body responded to the nickname. Nothing got past him. Not the way your breath caught in your throat. Not the way your heart beats harder. And certainly not the way your body temperature rises. 

You felt his other hands trace circles on the skin of your hip. You weren’t sure when he had weaselled his hand under your shirt but you couldn’t be bothered with that. “You’re too cute…my love.”

“Matty…” It was a plea. You burned for him. You thirsted for him and knew he was the only thing that could satiate you. 

“Yes, my love?” He teased.

He knew what he was doing. He was making you putty in his hands. You leaned forward and kissed him with hunger, with passion. It was words you didn’t know to say. It was feelings you couldn’t express. It was an encrypted message that you hoped he could decode. 

He received the message loud and clear. “I say we take this into the bedroom and I can show you just how much I love you. How does that sound my love?” 

Before you could even respond he was picking you up and carrying you across the room, your giggles floating through the air.

Tag List: @heejinw0rld, @rudy-the-winged-wolf, @scorpiolystoned, @wannapizzamymindposts, @whoreforklitz,

[manofmanymons]

Keith = Takuma

Nathan = Kaito

Kotetsu = Minoru

Barnaby = Saki

On another note, I have to find more people to ship Kaito with- (sadly? Takuma is the most shippable person in the group. Share some ships with others)

Assuming this is about this post you are absolutely correct lmao

Also now I feel compelled to turn this into a Kaito ship pitch so like

Okay hear me out. Ryo, right?

They could be introverts together. They could be really good at communicating without necessarily having to use words together. They could just do separate things but in the same space as each other. Obviously they would also do things actually together but there is like 0 pressure whatsoever to do the normal pleasantries or to "look like a couple" or anything. Ryo could teach Kaito some of the household skills he's picked up in his mom's absense so he can better take care of Miu. Pure vibes up in here.

I think shipping him with Minoru would be utter chaos and I'm not not into it.

They share a braincell when it comes to being violent and impulsive and almost nothing else. I imagine they could have a reasonable amount of fun together in maybe like an outdoorsy sense? Like Minoru just perpetually thinking it would be fun and cool to explore places and it being like "race you to the top of this hill" or "bet I can I climb this tree faster than you." Also Kaito being kind of blunt and kind of a dick (affectionate) mignt actually be good for Minoru and his insecurities? Just like "but what if I'm not good enough?" "Well that's fucking stupid, of course you are." Like you can 100% trust that if your bf who always tells it like it is says he thinks you can do something, you can do it. Minoru could indoctrinate his bf into the wonderful world of using fiction to avoid your problems and projecting your feelings onto your favs instead of like beating up kids at school sksjkd

I'm insane so instead of stopping there I'm gonna attempt to make a case for Saki

I thought it was really interesting that in the harmony route she told Takuma that she always thought Kaito was really sweet and it makes me lowkey insane that she didn't tell Kaito that before it was too late. Like idk maybe they'd get along better if she actually said "btw I appreciate you a lot and I'm happy you're here" cuz rn he just does not know that she thinks of him like that. And if they did actually talk and reach a point of like "oh hey wait you're cool and I like you" it could be kinda cute? Saki being able to see right through Kaito and understand his intentions even if he doesn't explain them well is cute! Her still calling him on his bs when he's being dumb and helping him be better is cute! Him reminding her not to worry what others think about her and that anyone would have to be a dumbass not to like her is cute! I feel like he would do something embarrassing in public just to prove to her how much other people's opinions do NOT matter and it would make her smile.

I am physically incapable of shipping him with Shuuji. Not because there's anything wrong with it but because I've spent entirely too much time thinking about them in the context of "they could have the cutest friendship ever" like just imagine Shuuji trying be the brother he wished he had but for Kaito because he knows what it's like to be unappreciated and be a disappointment to your parents and he just wants to look out for this kid and not let him feel what he felt

...

I got carried away with that last part I just felt the need to explain why I wasn't trying to make a case for Shuuji as a ship so no one thought that I forgot about him or didn't like him or anything

And like obviously I'm not mentioning Takuma or Aoi because I've talked about them before and because you were literally talking about shipping Kaito with someone OTHER than Takuma

But anyways yeah you can ship Kaito with anyone if you try hard enough.

[makeste]

some follow-up thoughts on BnHA 285

1. “at that moment...”

you guys. I still can’t get over this. just -- guys. this is Kacchan telling the story.

he’s not the first character to narrate, mind you. characters like Twice, Tomura, Ochako, and Kirishima have all narrated in the past. but it’s always been past-tense narration of their own flashbacks, or else present-tense narration explaining their thoughts (e.g. Twice in chapter 115). Kacchan himself has done present-tense POV narration before. but this isn’t that. this is past-tense narration of an event that’s happening now. this is the future Kacchan narrating the present day Kacchan’s story.

has any other character done that, aside from Deku himself?? am I just crazy overreacting here, lol. idk but either way it’s cool.

2. “...there were no thoughts in my head.”

there was a post yesterday talking about Kacchan’s big moment at the end of this chapter being a little disappointing because of it being an automatic “my body moved on its own” save on Kacchan’s part. the argument was basically that it made the moment less meaningful because of it being a subconscious thing rather than a conscious decision on Katsuki’s part.

but I disagree! for me the “my body moved on its own” is actually way more impactful. and rather than describing it as “subconscious”, I think the word that fits better in this case is instinct. first of all, even though he says there were no thoughts in his head, we know that’s not exactly true, as we can see for ourselves the images that were flashing through his mind. I’m just gonna list them out:

“I’ll even surpass All Might and become the best hero out there.”

“why was it me who put an end to All Might?”

“I made a pledge! I will achieve absolute victory, every time! we’re taking this 4-0, no casualties! the strong don’t settle for anything less!”

“I’m not gonna lose... I can’t afford to stay a loser!”

“you... you looked like you needed saving.”

thoughts about what it means to be a hero. what it used to mean to him, and what it means to him now. thoughts about rescuing others. about saving to win. thoughts about his failures. thoughts about him and Deku. and last but certainly not least, vivid memories of a moment when he needed someone to save him, and Deku was there.

he has these thoughts, but he’s not aware of himself having them. it happens too fast for him to be able to process. but all the same, his body isn’t just moving here of its own accord. it’s simply that in this instance, it’s not thought that’s driving him, but emotion. at the risk of sounding INCREDIBLY CORNY, it’s not his head that makes the decision, but his heart.

and that’s why it’s so meaningful to me. in this moment, it’s not conscious thought that’s driving him, but emotion, instinct, will. he sees the attack, sees that it will hit Deku, and he just reacts. something at the core of him screams that he can’t let it happen, and he just moves. and to me that’s even more powerful than him consciously doing the math and making the sacrifice play (though I’m not saying I wouldn’t have enjoyed that as well). specifically because it’s a moment where he doesn’t have a chance to think or analyze or panic or doubt. it’s a moment that shows us who he is when you strip all that away from him. he doesn’t have time to get in his own head; he doesn’t have time to feel any fear; he doesn’t have time to think about himself at all. he takes himself out of the equation. he sees that Deku needs saving. and the rest is pure instinct. it’s the most heroic he has ever been.

3. “even if One for All is a cursed power... at the same time, it’s...”

I was wondering what was up with this part, lol. Caleb’s translation makes it much clearer; to Katsuki, OFA is both a blessing and a curse right now. the “cursed” part is becoming more and more obvious with each new chapter. it’s putting Deku in danger; it’s made him a target; it’s destroying his body; and there are other, darker and more dangerous factors also at play that Katsuki doesn’t even know about but fears nonetheless. I honestly feel like he’s been anxious about all of this ever since he learned Deku and All Might’s secret. it’s been on the back of his mind for months now.

but at the same time, OFA is what brought him and Deku back together. sorry, am I getting cheesy again lol. BUT IT’S TRUE THOUGH. All Might’s quirk gave Deku the chance to compete with Katsuki on equal footing for the first time. it forced Katsuki to acknowledge him. and both he and Deku have grown so much on so many levels over the course of this past year, and all of it stems back to Deku receiving this quirk.

and just... fucking look at these flashbacks, though.

unless I’m reading this completely wrong, the gist of this scene is that Katsuki is grateful for OFA because it’s what lifted Deku up and allowed him to try and achieve his dream. the scenes of Katsuki bullying Deku and burning his notebook are contrasted with the scenes of Deku standing up to him and vowing that he won’t be his punching bag anymore. Deku before OFA, contrasted with Deku after. I get the sense that Katsuki feels a lot of gratitude for fate stepping in and working to undo his mistakes before he himself could finally get his act together and start atoning for them as well.

and then that last page is really interesting, because it’s like the “blessing” and “curse” parts of OFA all together in a single image. Deku is going all out against Tomura, giving everything he has, ready to sacrifice himself if that’s what it takes. there’s so much strength there (even though he looks completely insane lmao), but at the same time it’s literally killing him. mixed feelings, for sure.

4. “Katsuki Bakugou: Rising”

last but not least! so there’s quite a bit of discussion going on about what exactly a “rising” chapter actually consists of, lol. Momo is the only other character who’s had one before (at least if you don’t count the movies, and the movie spin-offs). so it’s hard to say for sure with such a small sample size, but if I had to guess, I’d say the “rising” chapters are about characters coming into their own as heroes. Momo’s chapter was all about her letting go of her insecurities and starting to believe in herself. and this chapter was all about Katsuki letting go of both his fear and his pride, and just getting the job done.

in the span of a single chapter, he lets go of every single thing that’s ever held him back. I felt like we really got a glimpse of the hero he can -- and hopefully will, if future!Kacchan the Narrator is anything to go by -- become. he was amazing. he took charge; he came up with a plan that absolutely would have worked if Tomura wasn’t LITERALLY FUCKING UNKILLABLE LULZ; and when that failed, he didn’t hesitate to make the sacrifice play. Bakugou fucking Katsuki, He of Zero Rescue Points, made the fucking sacrifice play. do you even know how much I love that you guys. I love it so, so much.

but of course, when you make the sacrifice play it tends to have the not-so-surprising side effect of getting you ALL FUCKED UP afterwards. so perhaps a less ideal outcome than he would have hoped. but he still did good. and he stopped Deku from getting murdered, and so now hopefully Deku and Shouto can mount some sort of aggrieved revenge counterattack to do their fallen friend justice. time for my other two sons to get to work! maybe Shouto can make Deku some new arms out of ice.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Another love by Tom Odell. Tell me that Bucky wouldn't send this to his girl when things were getting difficult for him emotionally

ANOTHER LOVE

a/n: no idea if this was meant to be a prompt but i couldn't stop thinking about it so i wrote it lmao

pairing: Bucky X Reader

word count: 1.9k

masterlist

Life hasn’t been the fairytale either of you deserved. Things just don’t turn out as perfect as they to in movies and sometimes you fall for the wrong person, too deep probably, and it makes you feel like you will never find the right one.

After everything Bucky had been through he fell for a woman for the first time in decades and though he put all his faith in her, she wasn’t the right person for him. He was ready to give her everything he had and love her with all his heart, but she didn’t want it. She didn’t deserve it. Leaving him heartbroken when she left, thinking that maybe loving someone and be loved by someone is just not meant to happen to him.

Then you came into his life.

Being a nurse working beside Dr. Cho at the Tower, you ended up stitching him up quite a lot following his missions. Bruises, cuts, even bullet holes, you’ve seen them all on his body and though Bucky hated to appear vulnerable, you somehow made him feel at ease when you were cleaning him up, humming whatever song you had stuck in your head that week.

You bonded over music from day one. As a person who likes all kinds and genres, you were his number one source when it came to modern music. You made him Spotify playlists every week, making him listen to the best songs in your opinion and he listened to them all. Not just because they really were good songs but because he was ready to do anything you asked him to. You had him wrapped around your finger in a blink of an eye, but when things were about to take a turn, he backed out. At first, you just thought you misread the signs and that he didn’t even like you like that. But then you heard Banner and Nat talk about how Bucky keeps talking about you and that everyone in the Tower thinks that he is in love with you. So instead of letting him get away with it, you confronted him.

That was when he told you about the woman that hurt him before. The way she broke his heart and made him think that he is not worthy of being loved. And you listened to his every word patiently, though you wanted to smack that woman so badly for hurting such a wonderful man.

“Just because she couldn’t appreciate your love, it doesn’t mean that you are not worthy of receiving or giving love. Because you are,” you told him as your hands reached for his metal one, taking it between your palms. You knew how insecure he felt about it and you wanted him to know that you loved every part of him, even the ones that wasn’t entirely made of him.

“I don’t know if I’m the right guy for you, Y/N,” he shook his head, doubting his worth once again.

“You are, because I want you. And I know that you’ll try your best to be the right guy for me even though you already are,” you chuckles and reaching up you cupped his face in your palm.

That day you made a silent promise to take it slow and just find your own pace with each other. You knew it wouldn’t be easy, loving is already complicated enough, but Bucky’s state of mind was an even messier issue. However you refused to give up on him.

Weeks went by and your usual routine started to change slowly. Bucky didn’t only come to see you when he had an injury to take care of, you went on dates or just hung out after your shift. You were always there when he returned from a mission and he never let you leave the Tower without him, he always walked you home, even if he had work to do.

Everything seemed to be on track. Right until one stupid fight ruined everything.

Sam always had a flirty manner in his act. He liked to chit-chat, compliment you, but it was always just friendly. However, when one day he and Bucky returned from a mission, both of them with quite a few injuries, they ended up under your hands as you worked on their wounds, cleaning and bandaging them.

“Darling, your hands are gifts from God,” Sam sighed when you applied a cooling gel to one of his burns before you covered the injured skin. “Or maybe you are an angel yourself,” he then added, making you chuckle.

“Stop it, I’m just doing my job.”

“And you are so damn good in it. I’m one lucky man,” he grinned at you, but before you could say a word, Bucky jumped off the stool beside him and marched out of the room as if he was just triggered into being the winter soldier again. The door shut close behind him, he walked out without even glancing in your way and he left you all confused. You exchanged a look with Sam before you finished up his wounds and mumbling an apology you went after the grumpy soldier that just left.

Stepping out of the room you spotted him at the end of the hallway, sitting all by himself.

“Hey, why did you leave?” you asked, sitting next to him.

“No reason,” he answered without even looking at you, keeping his gaze at the tiled floor.

“That’s so not true. I know something is wrong. Please, just talk to me!” you pleaded, placing a hand to his arm, but his eyes snapped at it right away and made you think you did something wrong.

“I was just not in the mood to listen to Sam flirting with you,” he hissed.

“Then why didn’t you just tell him to stop?” you asked, knitting your eyebrows together.

“Because… I don’t have the right to act all possessive over you.”

Technically, he was right. You weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, but everyone in the Tower knew you were something. You wanted him to be possessive, to make men stop flirting with you because he thought of you as his. You were so close to it too, but now you felt like you were going backwards again.

“Well, you can easily have the right, Bucky. You know that,” you told him, praying he would take the desperate hint you’d been trying to send him these past weeks.

“Y/N, stop,” he breathed out, closing his eyes.

“Why? Would it be so hard to be more than just friends? Am I not good enough for you?” you asked, speaking thoughts you’ve been harboring these past times even though your rationality knew they weren’t true.

“You know that’s not the case!” he snapped, standing from his seat so you did the same. “It’s me, Y/N. I’m the problem and you know that.”

“You are not a problem, Bucky! How many times do I have to tell you that? I’m not the one who broke your heart, I want to be whatever you need me to be, Bucky, but you are shutting me out! I’m getting tired of telling you the same thing over and over again, because you don’t seem to be listening!” you replied angrily, letting out all the pent up tension you’ve been carrying around. “I feel like I’m talking to a wall, you just keep ignoring what I’m saying. And I want to be patient with you, I would do anything to make you happy, but I can’t do this if you don’t cooperate with me.”

You turned around and marched back into the room before he could say a word, leaving him completely stunned and in panic that he is losing you.

That day you went home without him for the first time in months. Not because he wasn’t there to walk you home, Bucky waited for you at the hall, but then he was informed that you left early. It was a clear message to him that he needed to get his shit together if he didn’t want to lose you.

Eating all your feelings away, you sat on your couch that night with your favorite ice-cream, watching reruns on TV, hoping to take your mind off of a blue eyed soldier, but you didn’t succeed. He was all you could think about and the thought of losing him made you want to cry yourself to sleep and never wake up.

When your phone’s screen lit up with a message, you were shocked to see a text from Bucky. Only that no words were in it, just a link that led you to a song on Spotify.

Another Love by Tom Odell.

Even though you knew the song well, you still listened to it, tears rolling down your cheeks as you focused on the lyrics, because you knew it had a message from Bucky. A quite emotional one. You listened to it again and again as the singer sang about feeling like he put way too much of his energy into another love and that he fears that he won’t love his current one the way she deserves. You knew that this was exactly how Bucky felt like, he was scared he wouldn’t be able to give you everything you wanted because he had been hurt so badly before and it broke your heart to know that he was ready to live a lonely life because of his misbeliefs.

Eager to see him as soon as possible, you grabbed your bag and was about to head out, but when you tore the door open you found the man you were looking for already standing on your doormat.

“Bucky!” you breathed out with teared up eyes. “How long have you been standing here?” you asked, holding the door open for him to come in.

“Since you started listening to the song,” he answered with a soft, tired smile. “Like a hundred times,” he then added, making you chuckle even through your tears. “Y/N, I’m sorry for the way I acted today. It’s just so hard for me to put myself out there again. I know that you’re not her, that you’re different, but still, I can’t help but think that it will happen again,” he told you, his voice dying down at the end. Stepping closer you cupped his face in your hands as you stared back at him.

“Putting yourself out is never easy, but you have to do it sooner or later, Bucky. And I promise you, I won’t do the same thing that she did. She didn’t deserve your love, she didn’t deserve you. Don’t punish yourself for her faults,” you pleaded as he leant into your touch, his eyes fluttering closer, his thick eyelashes fanning on top of his skin under his eyes.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” he whispered, his hands finding your waist as he pulled you closer to him.

“You are not a mess,” you shook your head. “But even if you are, we can be a mess together,” you chuckled and his eyes finally opened as a small smile stretched across his handsome face.

“That sounds good,” he nodded softly as he leant closer and rested his forehead against yours. “Will you wait for me? To fix myself so I can be the man you deserve?” he asked, so out of breath as if he just ran a marathon.

“I’ll be right here, listening to all our playlists until you’re ready,” you chuckled softly, as he smiled back at you, pressing a kiss to your cheek as a silent promise.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[alfredolover119]

I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story. 

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that. 

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee 

-18k, teen, major character death 

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN. 

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham. 

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN 

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

[bonesandthebees]

Hi first time sending an ask, kinda nervous...

I've wanted to say I adore your fic The Stars and Their Children! The world building is nothing short of amazing and the story and the characters are incredible. It is very entertaining to read and seeing you upload always makes my day.

I do however have a theory I want to ask about! If I am right please feel free to ignore this message completely so it is not spoiled for anyone else, but it I'm wrong please tell me why this theory sucks and how wrong I am! So I've been wondering about Wilbur's father a little bit. We don't know much about him and it's not even directly about him. We know that he and the boys' mom met when she ran away (? Hope i remember that correctly) to an outer sector planet, before she was quickly taken back to Themis. We also know that Emperor Phil grew up in the outer sector planets. He is also suspiciously protective of/obsessed with Prince Wilbur. So! I have a sneaking suspicion than Philza is actually Dadza. We don't know the Queen's name either so maybe she is Kristen! And that could also be the reason he calls Will a little bird!

It's mostly started as a gut feeling and then i was just looking at anything and maybe I'm basically just a delusional fool grasping at straws haha

Hope any of my written ramblings make sense I have big thoughts and not many words i know to describe them

Have a lovely day!

hi i'm so glad you're enjoying!! that means so much to me to hear that my uploads make your day :D

so while I totally understand where your theory comes from, because let's be real if stars was a traditional tv show/movie they probably would go for that twist of phil being wilbur's biological father, I just wanna say outright that's not the case here. the reason I didn't make that the case was primarily because a lot of stars!wilbur's insecurity comes from the fact that he's a bastard. his father was a nobody. he's unimportant compared to his little brother, who is in line for the throne. and phil sees this bastard boy who has been written off and dismissed by everyone else, and sees potential in him just because of who he is. wilbur's importance to phil isn't defined by his blood relations, it's because of who he is as person. his intelligence, his cunning, his stubbornness—this is what endears wilbur to phil. and i feel like if I made the twist that oh wow they were related all along that would really just take away that message of phil valuing wilbur because of who he is and not because of his blood.

also, if wilbur was biologically phil's child you would be able to tell. avians as a species are the result of elytrians intermingling with any other species in the galaxy. elytrian genes are not subtle—if wilbur was half-elytrian, he'd almost 100% certainly have wings, and if by some weird genetic happenstance he didn't, he'd definitely have feathers on his face and arms at least like phil does.

(also, wilbur and tommy's mom was not kristin either. she's just a random oc I made, I guess you could think of her as a humanized samsung fridge lmao)

[rose--hathaways]

okay i’ve been distracted all day at work thinking about my thoughts re: the vampire academy reveal so here we go: ⬇️

rose: sisi stringer gets my tick of approval (not that anyone cares lmao), she is gorgeous she is fierce (and she’s australian so you KNOW i’m gonna support her) and i am HERE for some diversity in the cast. questioning the description where it says she’s the strongest fighter in her class because uhh she missed two years of training right? i’m assuming lissa and rose still ran away in this adaption?? she was so bad at combat that dimitri had to train her out of hours just to catch her up to her peers?? not a huge negative for me though, we all know rose is a badass & she caught up super quick to her classmates anyway so not a big deal

lissa: daniela nieves looks sweet but also like she could stab you, which is exactly the vibe is get from lissa (except lissa wouldn’t stab someone ofc, she would just compel them into thinking they were stabbed). i don’t mind that she doesn’t look like book lissa, but i do wonder if it will effect the little insecurities and jealousies that rose has around lissa in the books, but honestly they aren’t pivotal to the plot so idc. also i know everyone is talking about the “younger sister to the heir apparent” part of her description, honestly i think this is just in reference to andre taking the title of prince dragomir not the actual throne, but i could be wrong idk we’ll see and i mean she ends up as queen anyway soooo

dimitri: i was sold at kieron moore’s cheekbones tbh. and he’s actually 24! that’s right folks normal twenty-four years olds don’t look thirty! i’m loving his insta interactions already so i feel like he’s captured who dimitri is already, and i’m sure he can put on a russian accent perfectly well please please let him have a russian accent. still wondering if they will mess with his age, but i’m going to assume he’s still 24, judging by the description, and that maybe rose has been aged up?? idk, i just can’t wait to see him with long hair and a duster

christian: YES. andrè dae kim is 100% the closest character visually to what i imagined! love this!! getting the vibe that he’ll be the one to make the st vladimir connection? book christian didn’t come off as being very studious, except when it came to helping lissa, but he was also a total smartass so who knows what he got up to outside of rose’s POV. very keen to see that his backstory isn’t being brushed off and overall absolutely love him!!

victor: i never actually gave much thought to how victor looks, so j august richards is great in my books! i’m very keen to see some lgbtq+ representation in this series, but i’m kinda concerned that they’ve chosen (who i presume will be) the series’ villain to be the one in a same-sex relationship?? i’m also a bit confused & very curious about him having two daughters?? natalie is such a pivotal part of book one, unless they’re splitting her part into two i’m not sure how this would work? though a part of me wonders if they’re going to make robert doru’s character a child of victor’s, or even avery lazar’s character his child?? idk but should be interesting

tatiana: VOGEL??? this is where i get super confused. she sounds like tasha (without the relation to christian), but her name is tatiana but she’s also clearly not queen tatiana soooo ??? i saw a very cool post from @sydneysageivashkov talking about how they think there might be multiple timelines involved, in which case vogel could be a maiden/married name for queen tatiana?? that would be cool. regardless, not really sure what is happening here but i guess we’ll see 🤷🏼‍♀️

mia: KARP??? again, i am confused. i can definitely see her having book mia’s doll-like cute features, and i’m not too fussed about her not having the curly blonde hair tbh as someone who has naturally curly blonde hair i absolutely hate seeing others with it because of the second hand pain lmao. now getting to the part we all actually care about in mia’s description: lgbtq+ mia!! oh my fuckin god i am HEEEEEERE for this, mia has always been gay let’s be real here folks, i love this. also is she going to be related to sonya karp?????? questionsssss

meredith: tbh i sometimes forget that meredith exists so seeing her as a main character is uhhh ??? weird ???? is she replacing eddie? god i fuckin hope not. maybe she’s one of victor’s children?? idk. it’s weird but i’m curious to see where they’re going with her, plus it’s be good to see more female dhampirs because let’s be honest we don’t really see anyone other than rose and eventually dimitri’s family in the book series

sonya: ARE WE GETTING PRE-STRIGOI SONYA??? ohhhh i am KEEN. not sure how it’ll effect the storyline, maybe it’ll be told through flashbacks, again going back to the multiple timelines idea? also mikhail????? i didn’t think the books brought him into it until later, but idk i love them sm i am so excited for this. sonya is a little younger than i imagined, but i actually don’t see that as being a bad thing. also is she related to mia now???

mason: aw i’m gonna be sad if he doesn’t have red hair i won’t lie, but at the end of the day it’s really about attitude with mason and i think andrew liner will pull it off really well. his description seems to be pretty on-character, but it looks like the tv show is maybe going to play some sort of classmate rivalry between mason and rose?? could be interesting, idk, still looks like he’s gonna be a big simp for rose though lmao bless

so yeah i have concerns buuuuut i’m gonna wait it out and see what they do with it. lemme know what you guys think too!! x