#Im a few days late but whatever
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Happy two years to drawing Cleo! 💖
#my art#zombie cleo#zombie cleo fanart#zombiecleo#Im a few days late but whatever#Yes I’ve drew them 100 times last year and I have drawn them 100+ times again this year DONT JUDGE ME#Anyway go watch ZombieCleo please
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by the lighthouse.
dividers
#alright i suppose i should tell what's up lately! im mostly posting this like a mini update or whatever haha#so - since i made that last post on my disappearance i worked endlessly to finish my animation project and thank goodness it's finally over#i had to take a break from trying to be social here and just stay in my own space and i did that by having a smaller side blog to ramble#the project was very... tiring - definitely took out so much energy from me post physically and mentally and i was just frustrated everyday#so i just took my time to be alone with a few close people and i like to think im okay now?#i like to think so - since i was able to deliver a few commission drafts today so i'm relieved that im back to my usual pace#I'll post a few of my doodles here i did during my project just to fill the void haha#i've acquired a minor familial from another video game and i care for him a lot :] idk ill bother to talk abt it here but yeah thats funnn#also indulging a lil bit of t.n.m.n content as of late also thanks to my friend who knows abt it hehe#soo yeah! I don't know if ill be active like the usual but know that i'm doing alright now! hope everyone's doing okay too xoxo#ill probably still stay in my smaller blog for a little longer but will occasionally pop in here!#sooo yaaa#~ art#♥️ memoryshipping#also yea i think no.rton only had like. 10 days worth of being the blog brand here until i switched back to the usual guy lmaooo sorry 😔
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...
#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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i was trying to figure out what date the trip album ids go by, and i think i did it hink it just counts all of the season that stella maris took place in But it was frustrating me at first bc. it has shinobu and tetora as 17 and midori as 16 and chiaki and kanata as 18 So itd be before chiaki kanata midori bday but after shinobu tetora so like, late june through late august But i was like wtf bc i felt like i rmbred stella maris being in earlier spring WELL ACTUALLY NO IM CONFUSED AGAIN BC STELLA MARIS Is spring of second year of es. so shouldnt they all be 1yr older than that Or am i stupid Or is it not going by date of stella maris.
#first i was confused bc i thought of stella maris as in like earlier spring like april or may so shinobu and tetora bday shouldnt have#passed yet but the#i mean if its in like the last few days of spring. then yeah their bdays would have happened. so i was like ok thats chill. plus i swear#tropical was specifically in like april so itd make sense for stella maris to be later spring#But now im more confused than before bc yeah shouldnt they all be 1 year older#if its second year of es#???????#do i not know how dates work or what#like with those ages wouldnt it be late spring/early summer of the First year of es ?????#but i assumed itd go by the date of their climax event so#well whatever#the little box thing the album came in is sooo cute it has a little handle#i dont even have a cd player but once i have like a car or smtg#going to get a decked out speaker system and blast relax paradise while speeding in residential areas
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🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳
#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if#something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#it’ll be fine i guess#i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#♡ dear diary…
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anyway back to feeling sad about my dead uncle.. feel like me & my family were able to be distracted all weekend bc i was visiting, but now that i'm home i'm like what the fuck.. my uncle is dead and i haven't processed it at all
#i think i was just . processing how much we didnt get along and how poorly he treated my mom over the last few years#and now that i've like.. thought through all that so i'm like fuck.. this is really sad and this sucks#and i just can't get over how awful it is that my mom's half siblings are so distanced from the rest of our family#bc of their own behavior - but bc of that.. it took 2 days and a text from a neighbor for anyone to find my uncle#and if there is a funeral.. it's probably gonna be just as frustrating as my grandpa's and step grandma's#bc my mom's brothers fucking hated each other and literally my late uncle called out his brother in BOTH euologies lmao#and he was right about everything he said#and i just know my other uncle is probably idk gonna try to milk this for sympathy points or whatever#that sounds fucked up but i swear this uncle is like . a sociopath idk#my late uncle was a dick but he did genuinely care about ppl and his brother.. does not.. he just fakes it and u can tell ya know?#idk anyway#im just thinking a lot still#b.txt
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ik for a fact the moment i bought the ps5 that it'd be my dead sims era
#sorry guys im not chronically online 24/7 anymore i dissapoint#i was sad mimimi in my nest then just spam exo christmas songs for weeks until i felt somewhat normal again#im doing better 😁😁 and not touching sims 😁😁#irrelevant though: i got mentioned on simblr appreciation day not one but 5 times? found out a bit too late but thats like.. crazy#thank you for having me in your thoughts <3#i'll reply to the posts eventually i just need to get over the replying as a chore thing 😭😭#on a serious note i don't think my posts are THAT good to leave an impression they're.. generic#most of the high-performed posts are pure algorithm luck and the stuff i enjoy posting only a few do care about#but eeeeeeeeeeeh whatever right#anyway its 4am i couldn't sleep hence why this post was made#happy holiday and merry chrismas to those who celebrate it 🫶#dippi.txt
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return of the skam font and color i see
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shouldn’t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!
#I’m going to fucking call the bank and ask about a second checking account because she’s never going to make her own fucking account#it’s been like a year since she said she would and it’s just not gonna happen#she owes me thousands of dollars via me paying her fucking overdraft fees and she always says ‘what you think I won’t pay you back?’ no!!!!!#no I don’t!!!!!!! because you literally never have!!!!!!!!!!!#and where the fuck are you going to get like 8000 dollars anyway. because that’s what she owes me at the very least#even if you want to factor in like. paying her monthly for the groceries she buys and cat food and whatever that’s still. thousands of#dollars. and the worst part about it is I just have no safety net anymore#because my savings is basically nothing at this point. like nothing that can help in a dire situation anymore.#I keep thinking about whatever im going to have to end up paying for top surgery and I WOULD have a significant amount saved up to#contribute to that but haha! no I don’t! it’s fucking gone!#and I’ve been getting paid basically fucking nothing lately because of how few hours they’re scheduling me so that does not fucking help#my last paycheck was literally like half of what I should be getting. I made like 1K in the past two paychecks. that’s fucking depressing#anyway I’ve given myself a headache#I’ve been avoiding looking at my bank account because I knew it would be bad and it’d stress me the fuck out but I also have been anxious#not knowing and my mother making a few vague comments that implied she must have fucked me over. so I checked today and yeah she sure did#if I don’t make a new checking account that she can’t access i am actually going to be broke within the nenxt few months at this rate#my head hurts and I am so upset I am so upset I work so fucking hard and it doesn’t even matter i just lose money constantly#I get nothing I just pay her fucking fees and pay for my tuition and pay for everything else of any significance#and I am not exaggerating I work my ass off. I am the only person I know at my job who begs to work holidays and extra days and stay as late#as possible and it . doesn’t even matter#im going to kill myself I swear to god. there’s shit I need to buy. what am I supposed to do.#kibumblabs#vent#like shit I need to buy for WORK. my manager is getting on me about not having proper shoes for example and yeah I can get a discount#through shoes for crews but I still dont have the fucking money for anything anymore#not unless I want to run myself into the fucking ground#I need a new binder badly. I need new black pants also for work since mine are so faded at this point.#I only have one fitted sheet that doesn’t have giant holes in it#I can’t stop thinking about my last paycheck it was literally the worst I’ve seen since starting this job a year ago. fucking infuriating
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ik ive not been active at all anyways sort of explanation/me complaining in tags
#i have gotten progressively worse lately in terms of physical health and its just taken a lot out of me tbh#over the past few months ive developed chronic pain and fatigue drs still arent sure if its fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue but whatev#in any case ive been in tremendous pain everywhere it's not been fun at all#i also have this new thing where i get a tremor if i hold things too hard and while it is relatively painless it still is making life harde#esp since i am an art student so im kind of stuck not rly knowing what to do atp#ive just not been in the best mindset and while i recognise that disability is not ugly in any way i do just feel harder to love now#like i dont think my personality is fun enough to make up for all this idk if that makes any real sense#ive also been temporarily put on birth control its a long story but it's only until i get scheduled for a minor surgery most probably#but yanno birth control has unfun side effects and i feel like im going crazy most days#ik this all probably sounds pretty silly but idk. its been hard to feel genuinely attractive lately.#forgot to add this but there was some other stuff that happened thats definitely effecting just my self image and libido and stuff lately#long story short someone i trusted ended up crossing multiple physical boundaries and passed uncomfortable comments abt me and similar shit#its not been fun to deal with in any way yk?
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coworker (derogatory)
#she just fucking. IRKS me#so we have the same job. same authority level. yet she acts like shes a lead#which would be fine im ok with others taking charge#IF THEY DO IT RIGHT#shes SO FUCKING BAD AT IT??#AND. we have senority!!#yes she is older than us physically but we have worked here for months longer!!!#if anyone is in charge (WHICH SHOULD BE THE LEAD) would it not be the guy who worked there longest???#uggghhhh#she came in late today then was like um youre doing potties wrong youre only supposed to fill half and leave the other stalls for ne#girl then be on time#im not waiting for u im not making the dogs wait for u#so she starts bringing my dogs back (against the rules) (we literally had a meeting last night)#im done arguing. just. fine. whatever. she better have charted or else thatll look bad on me since i brought the dogs out#confronts me later. make sure you fill the potty waters. i say i do. she says yeah but not enough#gestures to a bowl she has filled that is 1) smaller than the bowls in potties 2) TOO FULL#we're not supposed to fill them past halfway so they dont spill#and theyre in the potties for like. 15 minutes. even if they finish their water. im fairly sure its not that inhumane for them to#wait a few more minutes before they go back to their room#THEN. she goes to do feeding. someone is in a meeting where the ipads are (needed to track feeding)#only ipad out is for the front. the front also needs an ipad. so i am instructed to wait#few min later. she comes with an ipad. is the meeting over? no i took it from the front#GIRL.#and she always complains about being in group too much#bestie 90% of the job is group#if you get a day shift youre gonna spend it in group#chill#just. ugh#chaos chitters
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i just want school to be over already. im so burnt out from everything. i worked full time over spring break and have a speech due the first day back and i couldnt even enjoy the break bc ive just been stressed about it the whole time. then 2 papers due next month and finals coming up. juggling school, work, and family/friends feels impossible. like, you just cant give 100% to all while still giving 100% to yourself and it takes its toll after awhile.
#second semester senioritis is no joke </3#i already have all the credits i need to graduate but my speech class is the one important one#like im taking it now so i wont have to take it in Real College#and missing a speech would = failing#and i already got a 75 on one of them which still pisses me off#bc i didnt realize that the video didnt attach bc my father almost DIED and was in the hospital so i wasnt checking canvas for a few days#the only reason she even took it was bc youtube had the timestamp of when it was posted#still took late points off but whatever#anyways sorry to get so real and personal on the silly little mermaid blog but i just need to get it out and im also procrastinating writin#this speech lol#and i think i lowkey have a phone addiction??#soo#i really need to get my shit together#but theres no time!!!#god and im so tired all the time bc i get home late for working then wake up early for school :(#im like a sim whose fun meter is red#cleo-serotonin lore#vent#i just have 0 motivation#anxiety fuels me#oh and this burnt out feeling is really concerning me for when i get to Real College#bc if im already feeling this way now;; how am i gonna feel when the classes are even harder and i have to take more of them?#if i had a passion or even knew what i wanted to study it wouldnt be an issue#but alas#mermaid isnt a major
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every single time i see a character i love using that randomly has stupid low talent levels i get SO confused until i realize - every SINGLE time - that they’re a mondstadt character and i’d rather eat a rock than do that domain
#genshin impact#im doing it for diluc today and i want to attack something#it’s so ANNOYING#how do you fuck with stamina and make 8 million fucking icicle circles#attacking and killing the world rn#ive been slowly and regretfully doing that domain so much lately#to catch a few of my mondstadt characters up#and i hate it so bad#so so SO bad#but on the bright side my diluc is finally doing like kind of viable damage now bless#can’t wait to leave him at whatever talent levels he ends up with today for forever#i did it like four times and i need like a month long break from this domain i s2g#thank every god every single day that the sumeru talent domain is actually fun#i would simply die if i had to do mondstadts as much as i do sumeru’s#genshin talent level 1 run fr
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[TWST OC TEMPLATE SOURCE!!!]
wip shots of The Lads.... my twst ocs that haunt my brain...
i've been goin back and forth on what they should be wearing cause im trying to go a lil dif from the just straight copy from the dwarves' rsa uniform lol, and to show a lil personality....... but if there's one thing about me it's that i do NOT know how to design clothing LOL
the bio is also in progress, i'm just jotting ideas down and may switch some things around as i try to flesh out their interests more in my mind palace... i think i ended up drawing a much bigger height dif than 5cm lol. maybe ill fudge the numbers or maybe youll just have to forgive meee <3
i'm also gonna do a second one w/the scarabia background for dañarte for his... post expulsion/transfer to nrc 👀....
#cereal tries to draw#twst oc#ocs#oc: char#oc: dañarte#twisted wonderland#i have color blocking for dañarte but not char lolol we'll see how it GOESSSSS AUGHHH#im trying to actually take my time on these so ive been workin on em during lunch breaks over the past few days#i guess i coulda just put a white blob behind them so you could see better lol. oops.#WHAT EVER it's a PROGRESS SHOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#of. my silly guys. whatever. WHAT EVER!!!!#me on pinterest searching up What Do Normal People Stand Like#jk i just looked up some poses and went with some generic ones teehee#anyway i still havent decided if char has a UM/SS yet#i toyed with it on the lemon post. but i dont think i liked those options and that was mostly for sillies#'the lemon post' i say like anyone saw that post jSDJKFLSDJFKL well i mean. it's still there. i just dont think ppl saw it LOL but that isO#it was kind of lame. but /I/ thought it was mildly amusing :3#anyway. dañartes magic came to me easily enough but fuckin char i just dont know. im truly not a creative person at my core and it's showin#so idk maybe chars a late bloomer third year who hasnt discovered his UM yet!!! or maybe ill think of it later. I DONT KNOW!! BYE!!
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just found out rascal (babycat)'s been with his owner this whole time instead of my roommate which is. something. :|
#if you dont know whats happening basically mr and my roommate (dorms) have been raising an abused kitten belonging to our floormates#we had him for a month and a half i think and then a month of break has gone by with my roomie staying on campus and me going back home#to my prey-driven dogs and snake and cat-allergic mother among other things. hence the inability to really take him in easily.#i mean shit. if she decided to actually take care of him instead of making everyone around her into free childcare then that's a good thing#*petcare#and admittedly both me and my roommate should've been more in contact about him whether this was going on or not#we both have really bad object permanence + flow of time issues though so it kinda... didnt happen#i thought about him a lot though. i planned on coming back early to spend a few days just chilling with him before the semester started#but other stuff got in the way and i had the 'its too late so dont ask at all' guilt#idk. it seems like hes alive but i don't know much more than that rn. it makes me nervous yk#but i never thought she'd just. still have him. i never expect what she does with him tbh#i almost feel better about getting stuck and not figuring out visiting or shared custody (in my house that is Not Ideal For Him) knowing it#wasn't even really attainable but. shit.#i want her to treat him like he deserves and if she's doing that i have no right to complain. he's not my cat. he's not.#but it means she'll probably just leave with him someday. no thanks or payment or future contact. idk i just. thought this would end sooner#in taking him to a shelter or a new home or us taking him in or her putting her foot down. but instead it's like im drowning in gelatin#what am i even doing. i love him. so much. and i want a cat so so bad. i want *him* so bad.#but i didn't rescue him and i didnt even try and. god idk. i love him and i still couldn't get my ass up to visit in a whole month#i want to say it's because i was stuck and it's not untrue. but i just. idk. i still feel like i shoulda pushed through or whatever anyway.#it makes me feel like im just as bad as his owner when i know im not. im not.#he's probably a lot bigger now. assuming she's actually feeding him. god. i really thought he'd be with my roommate#for reasons im not even gonna bother getting into. and i was reassured that my roomie would tell me if something was up with him. and she#didnt. and im not mad at her it's not her fault i didn't reach out when i wanted to know. but i feel just. ough. stupid ass situation i got#myself into. stupid sad ass consequences of being nosy and big hearted and wanting to help in stupid ways#at least her dogs didnt eat him. i was worried about that. i don't think i could take it if she got him killed and i didn't push harder to#help him. but i can't just fucking. kidnap him. he's not mine and we're neighbors and i can't even keep him at my home. not really.#god i miss him so much. i hope i didn't hurt him by leaving. fucking hell.#but he needs somebody and his owner is almost certainly not it. and maybe im not either but i want to try for him. man.
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