#Ikemen vampire incorrect quotes

[daisiesandshakes]

Comte, smiling cheerful: I got Netflix for you like you asked!

MC: Thank you so much Comte! I’ve been using Sebastian's account for months, so this will be awesome.

Comte: Wait- what do you mean .. account?

MC: His Netflix account.

Comte:

MC: Like.. his profile? I wanted an account of my own, they’re about $8.

Comte:

Comte: Ooooh… You wanted .. an account on the service..

MC: Yes! What did you think- wait.. what did you buy??

Comte:

Comte: .. Netflix.

[clavissionary-position]

Jean: *avoiding stepping on cracks in the sidewalk*

Mozart: What are you doing

Jean: Avoiding the buttcracks on the pavement

Mozart:

Jean: Dazai has informed me that stepping on them will guarantee that ma mère will break her back

Mozart: Jean your mother has been dead for centuries

Jean: You... are not wrong

Mozart: And she was awful to you

Jean: She was?

Mozart: Did you not read your route?

Jean: Barring the fact that I can't read, how does one read a path? Are you referring to palm-reading? *stares seriously at his palm*

Mozart: No, Jean. Your story in the Ikemen Vampire dating simulation

Jean:

--- Yanderepuck's Jean-panic-digging-graves hc made me think he'd freak out about this kinda thing too, as would probably any normal human being

[unknwnrm]

Mozart: You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, huh?

Faust: As defending champion, are you nervous?

[iglitterinbaroque]

Warning: mentions of depression *Mozart is sitting in the music room, by the piano, Comte walks in.* Comte: Mozart, have you noticed something odd about MC lately? Mozart: Nothing but positives. Comte: ... Comte: Elaborate on that. Mozart: Well... her voice gone significantly lower and I can barely hear her walking with Rogue. Comte: Did she tell you something? Mozart: No, she barely speaks at all, thank god. Comte: ... Comte: Mozart, she's depressed. Mozart: ... Mozart: So... you mean, that's not good? Comte: *facepalm*

[ikevamp-twitter]

[overheardbyvarioustherapists]

Fem!Arcana MC: I can explain-

Fem!Obey Me!MC: Your game has TWO women you get to ROMANCE? Mine has one and she isn't even romanceable!

Court of Darkness MC: Literally there are only two sane women I regularly interact with and NEITHER of them are romanceable! The devs only give us crumbs!

Tokyo Debunker MC: None of the women in Darkwick Academy are romanceable!

Fem!Yuu: How do you think *I* feel in this all-boys school? None of the ladies even go here!

Fem!Summoner, Kate, Emma, Mitsuki: You guys have sprites (more than one sprite) for female characters?

[whatever-fanfics]

POV: you need help with your 21st century homework in a mansion full of vampires

~~~

Imagine MC needing sitting on the table, head in their hands, about to cry because NOTHING MAKES SENSE. And in come multiple people who look over MC's shoulder to what's making them so upset, they recognize some of it but not all of it. After pondering with each other they try asking some of the others. 10 minutes later 12 vampires surround the human trying to make sense of numerous subjects. Shakespeare was visiting.

~~~

Arthur & Theo *coming in from a night of drinking*: MC? Hondje? what's wrong

MC *on the verge of tears*: Nothing makes sense🥺😭

Arthur and Theo *walk over and see numerous papers from different subjects*: What is this?

MC: homework from the 21st century 🥺

Arthur *sits down and recognizes some of the works*: Interesting...

Theo *looks over and sees art history papers and papers about painting techniques*: ?!?

Isaac *enters and sees them*: ???

Isaac *walks over and sees calculus and math*: ?!?

Isaac *sits down and recognizes some equations*: I recognize some but not all of them, hold on

Isaac *leaves and comes back with Leonardo*: I brought help

Leonardo *looks over and recognizes problems*: You study this cara?

MC: not by choice 🥲

Napoleon *sleepily wanders over*: ???

Napoleon *sees typed words in French*: Nunuche how did you get your writing so neat?

MC: that's typed, it's my homework

Napoleon *confused, recognizes some but not all*: it's French homework?

MC: Yea... 🥲

Napoleon: hold on

Napoleon *leaves and comes back with le comte*: here

Le Comte *happy to be included*: 😁 homework?

MC: unfortunately 😓

Le comte *sits down*: I see the language has evolved again, this makes things a bit tricky, no matter *starts a whole lecture*

MC *look at the camera like their in The Office*: ...

*Mozart and Jean enter*

Mozart: why are you all so noisy

Mozart *comes over and notices music sheets*: what is this?

MC: homework

Mozart and Jean: Home..work???

Sebastian *appearing out of the void*: school work that you take home and return the next day completed

Literally everyone: where did you come from?

Jean *comes over and sees typed paper*: what is..this?

MC: typed up homework

Jean:...Witchcraft *takes out his sword*

MC: PLEASE NO, I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE COPIES 😭😭😭

*Dazai enters*

Dazai *sees everyone by MC and walks over*:

Dazai *sees his book*: what's this? Everyone: Homework

*Shakespeare enters*

Shakespeare: Good morrow, all 😊

Shakespeare *walks over and sees multiple works of his*: ???

Shakespeare: Good MC, I had no notion of your interest in me ☺️

MC and Theo: It's homework

Theo *puts down art history papers*: be right back

*Theo leaves and comes back with Vincent*

Vincent: MC I didn't know you were so interested in art ☺️😊

MC *didn't want to tell him it was for homework*: yeah...

*Sebastian taking notes furiously in his journal*

~~~

[chirp-a-chirp]

MC: Say the three words I want to hear.

Arthur: I love you!

MC: …

MC: That’s wonderful, but try again.

Arthur: *Pouts* I will behave.

[natimiles]

I need this to happen:

Arthur: *say something obvious* MC: no shit, Sherlock Arthur:

[worlds-smallestviolin]

Comte: So you've met Vlad.

MC: Yes.

Comte:...

MC:...

Comte: He's weirdly sexy, right?

MC: Oh my God. Thank you. I thought I was the only one.

[daisiesandshakes]

Comte: It’s hard being the responsible one of this household but I appreciate every single person he-

Leonardo: Umm… Comte… Dazai tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and now it’s on fire.

Theo, audibly from the kitchen: CALL 911 ALREADY I AM FUCKING DYING HERE!

Mozart: I TOLD YOU IT WAS A STUPID IDEA!

Vincent: IT WAS A PLEASURE MEETING YOU ALL

Arthur: YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT THE RAMEN IN FIRST THEN - HOLY SHIT IT'S GOING TO EXPLODE!

Napoleon: JEAN NO! DON'T THROW YOUR SWORD AT IT!

Comte:

[clavissionary-position]

Theo: *slaps briefcase full of cash on the table*

Theo: I'm investing in your future

Shakespeare: As...?

Theo: As someone who will maintain a 5-city distance from Vincent at all times

Shakespeare: And if I take your money without doing as you say?

Theo: The briefcase will explode

Shakespeare: I'd simply take all the cash out first

Theo: Hey! Don't open it until I leave—

Shakespeare: *opens briefcase*

Briefcase: *50 cats jump out*

Theo: ...!

(at the mansion)

Isaac: And here's your briefcase full of cats

Leonardo: *opens briefcase*

Mansion: *explodes*

[unknwnrm]

Mozart: I haven't slept in seventy-three hours.

Dazai: Eighty. Democratically elected leader of insomnia.

Arthur: Bitch, it's been ninety for me. I'm going for an even one hundred.

Napoleon: You guys are terrifying.

[namine-somebodies-nobody]

MC: The floor is lava!

Vincent: *helps MC onto the counter*

Theo: *kicks Arthur off the sofa*

Arthur: *lays on the floor*

MC: ...Are you okay?

Arthur: No.

[ikevamp-twitter]

[cow-goes-moozart]

Arthur: Theo, you know I've always cared about you-

Theo: I'd sell you out for a bucket of KFC, don't test me.