#If this is like an obvious thing that we all agreed on ages ago sorry I wasn’t here yet

[barbiediamondcastleofficial]

anyways. I don’t think Jon trusted Jude Perry re: handshake but I think he really really wanted to bc he was in his “I’m turning into a monster” era and wanted a reason to think that “avatar” didn’t necessarily have to mean “evil without exception.”

We know he does a lot of 1) repressing what he doesn’t want to believe and 2) using his pain as payment so

[tiredsadpeach]

Update they both hate me because I told the child one of them was harassing the acc he could block to try and stop it

[absurdthirst]

Mother's Day Surprise {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 11.4k

Warnings: Menstrual blood/cramping, violent attack, near death, surgery, comma, mentions of blood and disturbing scenes, recovery, assistance with basic needs, helping Joel shower, confessions of feelings, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, pull out method, mentions of family planning, breeding kink, dirty talk, cream pie, infertility, depression, feelings of worthlessness, death, harsh and cruel world, babies

Comments: Helping Joel Miller recover from a horrific attack leads to a life you never knew possible.

**🚨🚨 Contains spoilers for Season 2 of The Last of Us🚨🚨**

A/N: Happy Mother's Day to all those lovely moms out there and anyone wishing to become one in the future. Being a mom doesn't necessarily mean biologically. 💜

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

You grunt, squinting as you struggle to see in the dark. It's the middle of the night, the sun not yet peeking through the curtains, and you wonder why you woke up until your stomach twists and you realize you're wet between your thighs. "No. No. No. No." You cry, tears in your eyes as you scramble out of bed and rush into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. You shove your shorts down and sob at the blood that's gathered there. You got your period. Again. You sit down on the toilet and gather some paper to clean yourself up while you try to smother your cries but there's a knock at the door and Joel's voice  resonates through it, "are you okay, sweetheart?" He asks and you choke out, "the bed." Joel walks over to turn the lamp on, his eyes widening at the blood on the sheets. "Oh sweetheart." He sighs, resting his forehead against the door frame. "I'm sorry, baby. I - I am useless." You sob and he rattles the door handle, "let me in." He demands and you flush the toilet, washing your hands before you open the door. Joel immediately wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. "We will try again." He promises, "I didn't give up when I was recovering and we won't give up now." He assures you while you sob into his chest.

He sighs, not even going to deny his own disappointment, although people who used to know him in the Boston QZ would never believe it. Joel Miller, disappointed that you aren’t pregnant. The very obvious sign of his seed not taking root staining the sheets of the bed you share. He shouldn’t want a child. He’s closer to fucking sixty years old than not, just a few years shy and yet he finds himself wanting to see you round with his child. His second child by blood, his third in his heart. Ellie is staying with Dina tonight, so he doesn’t have to worry about waking her up as your sobs wrack your body. “You aren’t useless.” He soothes, frowning when he remembers your emotional words. Standing in the bathroom, he wishes there was something that he could do, fertility doctors from twenty plus years ago were a thing of the past. Most people do not want to bring children into this fungi infested world, but here in Jackson, he has hope for the future. Hope for a chance to pass on a legacy.

You cling to him, knowing he's disappointed. Lord knows you've been trying enough but you just can't seem to get pregnant. It's like you are cursed and you wonder if Joel's injuries hurt your chances.

****

You gasp when you look up to see a mangled man carried into the hospital. You set your cup of coffee down and stand up, the resident doctor rushing around to try and stop the bleeding. "What the hell?" You ask and a teenage girl is clinging to his hand as the team try to wheel him into the surgery room. "Joel. Joel. Don't leave me." She pleads, tears in her eyes, and you reach for her. "He's in good hands, sweetheart. Come here. Let the doctor work." You manage to drag her away and she wraps her arms around you and sobs, "I didn't know - she nearly - they nearly- it's all my fault." She chokes and you rub her back, frowning at the doors where the man disappeared.

Hours later, the door swings open and the doctor comes back through, his work scrubs stained with blood. Ellie had been impatiently sitting and leaps out of her seat. “Is he alive? Where is he? I want to see him.” She demands, making the doctor lift his hands slightly. “He’s alive.” He reassures her, making her tense shoulders slump with relief and tears prick her eyes. “There was massive trauma to the head, and-“ Ellie interrupts him. “Of course there is, that bitch tried to beat him to death with a fucking golf club.”

Your eyes widen at the news that he was nearly beaten to death. You wrap your arm around Ellie’s shoulder. She had rambled about how Joel saved her, how much she loves him, how he’s the father she never had. Her words made your heart melt and you silently prayed he pulled through. “It’s going to be a long road to recovery. For now, we will monitor him and see if he pulls through the night. It’s touch and go still.” The doctor warns Ellie who nods, “he will pull through. Joel is a stubborn fucker.” You chuckle and rub her upper arm, “let’s get you something to eat and a shower and we can come back when he’s settled in a room.” You suggest and she’s reluctant to leave but the doctor nods, “he’s unconscious. Will be for a few days at least. His body needs rest. Go get some food and he will be waiting for you.” Ellie nods and lets you guide her to your house. Her home needs to be cleaned up and you don’t want her to see the aftermath of the battle that occurred in her home.

Joel had put up a fight. Furniture is broken, the mirror in the hallway - one he had grumbled about every day when it showed him how old he is - is shattered. Shards of glass and spurts of blood splash the walls. Ellie grimaces and stops at the blood stain on the floor right by the open front door. Obviously no one had cared about closing up the house when rushing Joel off to the hospital. “Right.” She sighs, turning when she hears someone running towards her. “Ellie! Fuck, is Joel alright?” Breathless, Tommy stops in front of the teenager and his face almost begs her to tell him that his older brother is okay. “I tracked her, but she got away.” He explains; that being the reason he wasn’t at the hospital earlier. “She went to the river and I couldn’t track her from there.” 

Ellie straightens her back, shaking her head, “that fucking bitch.” She growls and you answer Tommy’s question. “Joel had surgery. He’s unconscious right now. Still in the air as to him waking up without brain damage. The doctor did the best he could but it…it was bad.” You admit and Tommy closes his eyes, needing to see his brother. “I need to see him.” He says and you nod, “he’s unconscious still. I’m going to get Ellie changed and get her something to eat.” You tell Tommy who reaches out to squeeze Ellie’s shoulder. “Get something to eat, kid. I’ll let you know if anything changes.” Tommy promises and Ellie doesn’t say anything else, going quiet. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.”

You nod, “go clean up. I’ll get started on trying to clean this up.” You tell her and she makes her way upstairs. You sigh, looking over at the pool of blood and you feel sick. You’ve always had a crush on the older Miller brother since he arrived at Jackson, but you’re certain he doesn’t even know you exist. 

****

You check Joel’s pulse, his eyes moving beneath his eyelids. He’s still unconscious, has been for a few days, and the hospital isn’t equipped with equipment to test brain function. All you can do is watch and wait to see if he will wake up.

Joel hurts, every inch of his body hurts and it feels like he’s trying to move mountains just to open his eyes. Fingers twitching and he opens his mouth, groaning quietly.

You gasp when you hear him groan, watching his eyes flutter, and you let go of his wrist, calling for the doctor. The doctor comes in and you gesture to Joel, “he is waking up.” The doctor nods, checking Joel over, his bandages wrapped around his head, and they had to shave his head to perform the surgery. You wonder if he will be angry about losing his hair. Ellie is in the waiting room so you head out to see her. “He’s awake.” You tell her and she stands up, “he is. I want to see him.” You shake your head, “the doctor is checking him over. Let’s give them some time.”

It takes a long time to understand what the doctors are telling him, frowning in confusion and wondering why his head feels like it’s been squashed like a grape. Moving is slower and he hisses in pain when he learns that his ribs have been broken and his leg is also fractured. Opening his mouth, it’s hard to get a word out. “E-E-El-Ellie.” He manages, needing to see her.

The doctor nods, “she’s okay.” You escort Ellie into the room, wanting her to see her father is awake, and she rushes over to the bed. “Joel. Joel. I’m sorry.” Ellie chokes, reaching for his hand. He groans as he squeezes her hand, silently assured that she’s okay.” You watch their reunion with tears in your eyes from the doorway.

“D-d-don’t bl-ame y-your-self.” Joel rasps out, still fuzzy on what happened. He doesn’t remember anything much before waking up in the hospital. Although he gets the sense he was angry- desperate. He groans in pain when she lunges forward to hug him, but he doesn’t push her away. 

You watch Ellie hug him and you know in that moment you’ll do whatever you can do to make sure Joel gets better. Ellie pulls back after several moments and the doctor checks Joel’s vitals. “He needs some more time here so we can observe him.” Ellie nods at the doctor’s words and you walk over to rub her back.

“I’m going be honest, Mr. Miller,” the doctor tells him as he pulls back. “I am surprised that you even woke up. There was significant bleeding and swelling of the brain. Tests seem positive but there could be damage that hasn’t manifested itself yet.” He tells Joel. “It’s going to be a long road to recovery for you.”

Joel doesn’t say anything. He was nearly murdered. He knows he shouldn’t be alive right now. Ellie sniffs as she steps back and Joel attempts to squeeze her hand. The doctor grabs his clipboard and looks at Joel’s recent vitals. “Waking up was half the struggle. Let’s monitor you and go from there.” The doctor says, “and we will keep running tests.” Joel grunts out an “okay” and you offer him a smile, “you’re a fighter just like Ellie said. She’s lucky to have you.”

You’re familiar to him, he can’t place it, but his thoughts are still fuzzy and jumbled. “How- how long have I been here?” He asks after a moment. “Three days.” Ellie answers and he frowns. “Who- where have you been sleeping?”

Ellie says your name, “I have been staying in her house. She has been cleaning our house because there was too much blood and - and it was a mess.” Ellie reveals and Joel’s eyes are hazy as they meet yours, silently saying goodbye thank you and you nod in response. “Just focus on getting better, Ellie and I are enjoying some girl time.” You tease, winking at Ellie who chuckles.

****

Joel stays in hospital for two weeks and you look after Ellie, preparing his home for his return, and when the doctor declares him fit to leave, he says that he needs someone to look after him. He still can’t shower by himself, he needs help eating and he struggles to walk alone. It’s going to be a long recovery for Joel. “I can help,” Ellie says without hesitation as Joel sits on the edge of the bed.

“You can’t help me do everything.” Joel grunts, knowing that he could never allow the teenage girl to help him shower or get to fucking bathroom. “I- Tommy-“ his brother has been by to visit every day, and he’s talked to him about taking Ellie. He doesn’t know how he will manage, but he also knows he can’t burden Maria and their baby with his convalesce.

“Tommy is out of town on a scouting mission.” Ellie says, knowing Joel’s brother was set on revenge for his brother’s condition. He just had to track Abby down. “I can help.” You volunteer, feeling close to him despite not having a full conversation with him. Spending time with Ellie, hearing her stories about Joel and his bravery had made you fond of him. “I can help him at home.” You offer and the doctor looks to Joel for his answer.

His eyes slide to you, unsure why you would volunteer to help him, but the doctor immediately nods. “That would be a good idea.” He agrees. “You can check his bandages and make sure that he doesn’t get an infection.” He smiles at the three of you like it’s a done deal and Joel frowns slightly, not sure if he likes the idea of you helping him.

You nod, noticing Ellie’s grateful smile, and you look at Joel, “it’s for the best. I can monitor your health and help you. I’m a nurse. It’s a medical decision.” You tell him and he grunts, knowing he doesn’t have a choice. He’s discharged and you wheel him to the doctor’s truck, knowing Joel won’t be able to walk home. You arrive outside of the house and Joel grunts, “I can walk.” He doesn’t want a wheelchair so you let him wrap his arm around you to guide him into the house. “Take your time.” You reassure him, “no need to rush.”

The shuffle is slow and painful, making him huff in irritation that he can’t move like he would want to. Even as he’s gotten older and been slower, he’s been able to move how he wanted to. Now, in a cast and recovering from nearly dying, he needs help. Ellie jumps forward to open the door and he’s glad to see that the scene that had been left from the attack you told him about has been cleaned away. He will have to thank you for that. “Fuck.” He pants, out of breath and in pain just because of the short walk from the truck to the house. “I don’t know how the fuck I’m getting upstairs.”

“We moved a bed downstairs.” You tell him, “you won’t be going upstairs for a while.” You escort him into the living room and help him settle down on the bed. He’s only wearing socks so he groans as he sits down and you help him lay on the bed. “You need to rest as much as possible. Let me get you some water. Are you hungry?” You ask, helping him settle against the pillows.

“Can you cook better than the shit they served at the hospital?” He grumbles, having not enjoyed the food there. He’s relieved to be home and his head hurts a little bit less today than before. He’s got a plate covering the fractured portion of his skull and they actually had to remove a large chunk of the bone.

You chuckle, “I like to think so. I’m glad your appetite is back. What do you feel like? I make a mean mac and cheese.” You adjust his pillow and Ellie comes to sit down next to him. “She’s a really good cook. Like really good. I’ve been helping make cheese and we even made a cake.” She tells Joel with wide eyes, shocked at how this place is like life in books she read.

“Sure.” Joel agrees, the little fissure of pain at the mention of a cake isn’t as rough as it might once have been. The last night she had been alive, Sarah had wanted a cake desperately for Joel’s birthday. “Make something the kid likes.” He suggests. “I eat anything.”

You smile, liking how he caters to Ellie, and you know that Ellie told the truth about the man she considers a father. “What do you want, sweetheart?” You ask her and she nods, “Mac and cheese.” You ask if she wants to help you while Joel gets settled in and Ellie follows you into the kitchen so you can get started on the food and you pour Joel a glass of water. “You want to take this to Joel?” You ask Ellie who takes the glass and takes it to her father figure.

Joel listens to the sound of people talking in the kitchen and it’s so strange. He can’t make out what’s being said, but he can hear voices. It’s almost unsettling that there is someone else in the safe, cozy home that he and Ellie have managed to carve out for themselves. Tommy told him that Abby, the girl who had attacked him, was the daughter of the doctor he had killed to save Ellie. His past sins were coming back to haunt him, but he doesn’t regret not letting the teen sacrifice herself for a lost cause.

Ellie comes back out to hand Joel the glass of water and he takes it, taking a sip. “Thanks, kid.” He says and she sits down at the edge of his bed. “I- I thought I was gonna lose you.” She whispers, her brown eyes meeting his, “I was scared.” She admits and Joel feels his chest tighten, tears stinging in his eyes. “But you didn’t. I survived and I ain’t going anywhere, kid.” He promises, reaching out to squeeze her hand with his free one. “She been looking after you?” He asks her, jerking his chin towards the kitchen. “Yeah. She’s been great. She cleaned this place up. Made sure I ate and showered and slept while worrying like fuck about you. She’s a good one.” Ellie says and Joel trusts her opinion. You hear what Ellie says from around the corner, some homemade chips in a bowl in your hand and you smile, liking that she trusts you. You carry the bowl in and set it down , “hope these are good. We fried them earlier today.” You say, looking between Ellie and Joel.

Joel’s brow raises and he nods. “Thanks.” It hurts to nod so he just sends you his thanks with his eyes. “For taking care of her and me now, I guess.” He sips the water and grunts when the cool liquid slides down his throat to quench his thirst. “I’m sorry for all the cursing I will be doing.” He warns you, knowing he’s never been a good patient.

You chuckle, “curse away. You’re alive. That’s all that matters.” You promise and make your way back into the kitchen to continue making dinner. It’s going to be a long path of recovery but you’re happy to help Joel get back on his feet. 

****

“Shit.” Joel hisses as you help him into the downstairs bathroom to shower. “Do you, uh, I can help take off your pants.” You offer, cheeks burning as you try and help him shower for the first time since he left the hospital.

Joel isn’t a shy man, never has been, but the idea that you have to help him bathe like he is a helpless baby makes him burn with embarrassment. There’s not a goddamn thing he can do about it though, his body is still healing and he can’t get his head wet because of the stitches and staples. “Fuck.” He grunt, hoping he doesn’t really embarrass himself. The fact that he’s not gotten an erection since he’s woken up makes him wonder if something is wrong with that function. “Fuck, what the hell else am I going to do? Shower with my fuckin’ clothes on?”

You shake your head, “no. I- I have to help. I’m a nurse. I am a professional.” You tell him even though that doesn’t hold much weight in today’s world. “Let me help you.” You reach in to turn on the water to heat it up and you reach for Joel’s shirt. “Keep still.” You murmur, working the buttons open. He probably prefers t-shirts but the button down is required so he doesn’t jostle his head. He is still weak so he lets you push the shirt off of his shoulders. “Pants next.” You declare and hook your fingers in the sweatpants, dragging them down his legs  and he’s naked under them so it's easier for him to use the bathroom. He steps out of them and you try not to appraise his naked form. He’s still healing but he’s gorgeous.

“Sorry.” He huffs, knowing that the last thing you want to do is to help an old man bathe, his still bruised body on display. Luckily, there were still medical supply devices like a chair to sit in the shower to make it easier for him, although he knows you will get wet helping him. His dormant cock twitches slightly and his eyes widen at the sensation.

You focus on looking after him and not on his body, which even though bruised, is still beautiful. You know your clothes will get soaked but that’s okay, you don’t want to strip off and make him uncomfortable so you step into the shower and help him sit down on the chair. “Temperature okay?” You ask and he nods. You grab the soap you made last week and hold it out. “You want to do it or shall I?” You ask, knowing you’ll need to wash his face so he doesn’t get his head wet.

He hates to admit that he’s so damn tired after getting into the shower, he just wants you to do it. Grunting, he shakes his head slightly and winces when he feels a little pain. “Just do it.” He tells you, not wanting this to become some kind of pissing match. “Feel like a damn baby.”

You nod, “I understand but this is the best thing for you, honey. You need to focus on healing. You nearly died so being showered isn’t the worst thing in the world.” You put it in perspective for him. You lather up your hands and work on washing his back. He groans and your stomach twists with forbidden arousal. He’s injured, recovering, you shouldn’t feel attracted to him.

“Does it hurt?” Your soft question is almost arousing, murmuring in his ear but he grunts. “No.” His voice comes out raspy and raw. “Feels good.” He’s still so damn sore and your hands on his skin feels like a massage. “It’s feeling really good.”

You continue working on washing him, mindful of his bruises. “Good.” You murmur, “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” You say as you massage the soap into his black and blue back. “Tommy tried to find them but they were gone.” You reveal, “they are gone.”

“It’s my fault.” Joel murmurs quietly, closing his eyes and trying to forget the moment he had killed that doctor, but it plays behind his lids. “How could you deserve something like this?” You snort, but he sighs softly. “I killed her father.” He reveals. “He was a doctor, for the Fireflies. They believed Ellie was the answer to a cure.” He opens his eyes, frowning. “They were going to remove her brain.”

You gasp, your hands freezing on his back. "They - does she know?" You whisper and Joel shakes his head. "She can't." You declare, having gotten to know Ellie enough to know that she would sacrifice herself. He nods, "I can't - I lied to her. I can't lose her." He confesses and you rub his back, "you won't. Secret's safe with me." You promise, "you didn't deserve this, Joel. No one does. This world...it's cruel but we have our little piece of paradise here. We just gotta protect it."

Even though he knows it would never absolve him of his sins, your words are a balm to his spirit. Soothing him and making him relax even more. “It’s nice here.” He murmurs softly. “Sarah would love it here.”

Ellie had briefly discussed the daughter that Joel lost on Outbreak Day and you rub his shoulders, “we are lucky. Not QZ, not the Wild West. We are safe and our commune is thriving.” You hum, “Ellie is lucky to have you.” You murmur and he hisses when you press a little too hard, “I’m sorry.” You grab the rag and lather it up, “you, uh, want to wash your -” Your cheeks heat up at the thought and he takes the rag without a word.

Joel washes his groin quickly, gritting his teeth when his long neglected cock starts to stir from the simple touch and the smell of your soap. He has noticed it every time he gets your help to use the bathroom and he is now covered in it. “Help me.” He grunts, trying to push to his feet so he can wash his ass.

You wrap your arms under his armpits, helping him stand and he grunts as he washes his ass. When he’s done, you rinse him off and shut off the water, grabbing the towel around his waist. “You good?” You ask and he nods, “yeah. Just feel like a fucking baby.” You chuckle, “at least you don’t need breastfeeding.”

“Fuck.” He huffs and blurts out, “that would be more fun,” before he even realizes how inappropriate it would be. “Shit, I’m sorry.” He grunts, blushing slightly.

You snort and smile, “I think we are beyond apologies now, huh?” You say, knowing you’ve helped him to the bathroom and now helped him shower. “Let’s get you redressed and I’ll heat up the soup I made earlier for you.” You tell him and grab the clean clothes you set aside for him.

His bedroom is what used to be the downstairs office. It’s got some doors for privacy, but more often than not, they are kept open until he needs to change. It makes it easier. “I didn’t ask, how do you like that bed?” His bedroom upstairs had become yours since they had broken down the smaller bed from the third bedroom. Joel wouldn’t let you sleep on the couch, telling you he could piss in a bottle in the middle of the night if he needed to. You deserved to sleep in a real bed for helping him.

“It’s good. Nice and comfy. I have no complaints.” You tell him, knowing your roommate, Sandra, will be enjoying the peace and quiet on her own in your house. “I hope it’s comfortable here.” You help him pull the shirt over his head and you kneel down so he can  step into the sweatpants.

“It’s a bed.” He’s going to be uncomfortable regardless of where he is because of how badly he had been beaten. The only reason he’s alive is because she had started swinging on other parts of his body besides the head. “I think I’ll appreciate it more when I can move without wanting to cry.”

“Not too long now. You’ve overcome the worst. You’ll get there in the end.” You promise him, “you’ll get better. Ellie needs you.” You pull the sweatpants up and stand up, patting his chest. “All clean.” You smile and guide him to sit on the bed. You swing his legs onto the bed and stand up, “I’ll go get your soup, Miller.”

He watches you go, his eyes dropping down to your ass, not for the first time either. This time though, there is a punch of lust that his body responds to. Making him grunt and reach down to adjust himself slightly. You are beautiful and now that he has spent time with you, he can see why Tommy called him a lucky bastard.

****

You spend eight weeks looking after Joel. Helping him bathe until he can manage himself, feeding him, making sure he has water. It’s your priority and you are so happy he’s recovering well. He can walk properly now and the bruises have faded. “You want some cake?” You ask Joel as he walks into the kitchen where Ellie is trying to lick the spoon of the jam you made to go in the sponge cake.

“God, yes.” Joel groans, the irony of cake not being lost on him. You have been positively spoiling him and Ellie and he hates to think about when you will leave. He’s getting better and it’s about time you go back to your own life. “Are we doing a shower tonight?” The stitches are out, but he still has staples and needs help in the shower.

You nod, “yes, sir. Gotta make sure you avoid a nasty infection. We don’t have any oral antibiotics left.” You sigh, knowing that even if someone found some, they’d be expired. You and Ellie put the cake together and you cut out a slice for each of you. Setting the plate down in front of Joel, you love the way he smiles at you. It’s been impossible to keep your affection for him at bay. You’ve fallen for him, knowing that you will have to return home at some point but the grumpy yet funny man has gotten into your heart.

“Thanks.” He sends you a grateful look and sets his elbows on the table as he waits for you to sit down. “It smells incredible. You seem to enjoy cooking, or is it just something you do because you know Ellie can’t?” He teases, making the teenager huff and roll her eyes. “It’s not like I’ve had a chance to learn, man.”

You giggle and nudge Ellie, “you’ve been learning. You’ll get there. No, I, uh, I love cooking. Always have.” You admit, “I missed it a lot when I was on the outside. Cooking rabbit on a fire isn’t quite the same as cooking in a warm kitchen.” You sigh, forking up a bite of the cake.

“Yeah, campfires are temperamental, and cooking on them is even worse.” He snorts. Ellie chuckles. “When you would let us have them.” Joel shrugs slightly. “It’s dangerous out there.” He reminds her. “Hell, it’s dangerous in here too, but it’s better than out there.” He glances towards the entryway where he had collapsed when Abby nearly beat him to death.

You notice his glance and you realize once again how close to death he was. “You’re here now. Hopefully you don’t have to go back out there anytime soon.” You reach out to squeeze Joel’s hand and he smiles at you, his fork in his other hand, “you are safe for now.”

You have been incredible, and it’s almost amazing to see how you have slipped past the shell of his heart, something that only Ellie has managed since Tess. It’s hard to believe Tess has been gone as long as she has, but Joel has been slowly trying to heal emotionally as he heals physically. Thoughts of you have crept into his waking hours, causing some embarrassing moments in the showers when he gets hard, or you wake him up from an erotic dream that features you.

****

“So, the doctor gave you the all clear. Just to be careful and not do too much.” You smile at Joel as you enter the living room after the doctor left. He had done a full assessment of Joel and called his surgery a miracle - the fact that he survived is a gift from God. Ellie is out visiting Dina and you sit down next to Joel on the sofa, “I guess I can get out of your hair now. You can have your bed back and I’ll go back to my place.” You finish softly, sad to be leaving him.

Joel wipes his hands on his sweatpants, still wearing them out of habit over the past few months. “You’re probably happy as hell to be getting away.” He snorts as he looks over at you and wonders how you have become even prettier than before. He’s crazy about you, how kind you are, how you have taken Ellie under your wing and how you never rebuke him for when he gets sad and introspective. You have helped so much and he hates that you are leaving. “Maybe I need to get the shit beat out of me again, make you stick around.”

You chuckle, shaking your head. "No need to do that. All you have to do is ask me to stay and I would." You confess and your eyes widen at the way you blurted that out. You close your mouth, turning your head to stare across the room, avoiding those dark brown eyes. "I'm sorry. I-" You begin but he interrupts you. "Stay." You turn your head to look at him again, "what? You - you want me to stay?" You ask, feeling breathless.

He rolls his eyes at your question and huffs. “Do you think that I’m getting hard every time you help me shower because getting clean turns me on?” He asks bluntly. “I’ve been trying to think about anything else but you, but nothing works.”

You stare at him in shock, “I- I can’t believe - I just thought you were horny because you couldn’t jerk off.” You snort and close your eyes for a second. “I think about you. All the time.” You admit, reaching for his hand, “I had a crush on you before I came to help.” You tell him honestly, “always thought you were handsome, but now that I know you? You’re - fuck, I love you.” You confess just as breathless as your prior revelation.

His own breath stops, caught in his chest as you confess your feelings. A year ago, hell - a few months ago, he would have been denying that you felt that way. Ignoring it or being unable to respond in kind because his world was still ground to a halt, but that had changed. You and Ellie, that attack, it had changed things and made him realize that even though he had lost so many, he still had those to live for. He lunges forward and presses his lips to yours. “Love you too.” He murmurs as you gasp.

You can’t believe he’s kissing you but you reach up to cup his cheek, pressing your lips back to his, and your heart is pounding in your chest. You shift closer, cupping his other cheek and you rest your forehead against his when you pull back, caressing his stubbled cheeks. “I love you, Miller.” You smile, unable to fathom that the man you’ve fallen for loves you too.

He's panting and his heart is beating wildly in his chest. Already turned on again and starting to tent his sweats and all you've done is shared one kiss. Reaching up, he caresses your neck and shoulder. "Are you sure? I'm fuckin' old, baby." He jokes. "And a little decrepit."

You shake your head, "you're not decrepit. Or too old. I love you, Joel. No matter what. Hell, if I can look after you like I have and still think you are sexy, you're good to go." You promise with a giggle, sliding your hands down to his chest. "And I haven't stopped thinking about you between my thighs. Inside of me." You confess in a hushed tone.

The kid is off with her friend and Joel groans quietly, having thought of nothing else for the past few days. "I don't know if I can perform worth a shit." He admits with a shake of his head. "Haven't cum since I woke up."

"I don't care. Just want to be close to you." You murmur, "don't care if you cum right away. I can ride you." You want to be close to him, to feel all of him. "I keep thinking about how you'd feel inside of me."

He's still in his downstairs bedroom and he nudges his nose against yours. "Close the doors." He rasps out, nodding towards the French doors that close off his makeshift space. "I don't want to tire myself out trying to get upstairs."

You stand up, hands shaky as you shut the doors and turn to face him. You take in the details of his face, his head shaved from his surgery so his hair is growing back patchy but he’s still so attractive. You reach for the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and you swiftly remove your bra. Hooking your fingers in your leggings, you push them down along with your panties to stand naked in front of him. “I’ve seen yours, figured it’s only fair if you see mine.”

"It gets bigger." He jokes, aware that you have seen and politely ignored the times he's gotten hard from you helping him in the shower. "Fuck, you are beautiful." He praises breathlessly, eyes drinking in your body as he licks his lips. It's been a long goddamn time since he's been with someone, the last person was Tess, but he feels like he's about to bust if he doesn't touch you.

“So are you.” You respond as you walk towards him. “So brave. A fucking fighter.” You murmur, shifting to straddle him as he sits back on the bed. His hands immediately find your ass and you chuckle, knowing he’s watched it enough times. You cup his cheeks and lean in to kiss him, “wanna see if it gets bigger.” You joke, grinding down onto the tent in his sweats.

Joel groans, twitching underneath you and he knows he won’t have any problem performing. The problem might be that he doesn’t please you before he cums. His hand slides around your waist to dip between your thighs. Hissing when he finds you starting to get slick as he starts to slowly rub your clit.

“Oh God.” You pant, rocking down onto his hand. It’s been far too long since anyone touched you and you are whimpering at the way his thick fingers rub your bundle of nerves. You tilt your head back and he leans in to kiss along your neck, your fingers digging into his shoulder as you absorb every touch.

He groans as he learns your body. He and Tess had been comfortable, completely familiar with each other and what the other liked. The whimpers and groans rockets his arousal higher as you grind down against his fingers and he feels like he’s going to bust in his sweats. Turning his wrist, he presses his thumb against your clit and slides his fingers through your slick folds so he can press them inside you.

“I want to touch you.” You whimper and he shakes his head, “not yet. Otherwise this will be over sooner than you thought.” He grunts and you rock onto his thick fingers, stretching you out in the most delicious way. “Fuckkkk.” You exhale as he presses his finger against that spongy spot inside of you. He’s good. He knows what he’s doing.

He loves the way you respond to him, how wet you get. Sliding his hand up and down your back as he kisses along your shoulder and down to your tit. Wrapping his lips around a stiff nipple as he continues to pump his fingers in and out of your wet heat.

“Shit.” You hiss, caressing his head as he suckles on your nipple like he’s trying to root. It has you quivering and you’re so close. So many nights of imagining how he’d touch you has led to you getting worked up faster than you have ever known. “Joel. Oh God, Joel. You’re gonna make me - I’m gonna-” You don’t finish your cry as you cut yourself off with a strangler choke and clamp down on his digits, soaking them with your cum.

“That’s it, fuck, good girl.” Joel pants against your breast as he pumps his fingers to help you ride out your orgasm. “You’re so goddamn good to me, ain’t ya? You creamin’ all over my fingers, making me harder than a fucking rock.” He coos praises into your skin, enjoying the way your nails bite into his shoulder through the shirt. Your pretty cunt soaked his fingers and he can only imagine how good you will feel around his cock.

His words make you choke on your breath as he works you through your orgasm. You never imagined he’d be so dirty but you love it. “Fuck, baby. Yes. I need - I need you inside of me but I want to suck your cock.” You whine, reaching down to tug on the hem of his shirt, wanting him naked beneath you.

“You can’t.” Joel moans, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t last a minute. And I want to feel you, fuck, imagined it so many times.” He pants, pulling away from the back of the bed so you can pull his shirt off. “Maybe- later, if I can get it up again.” He chuckles.

You pull his shirt over his head, still mindful of his injuries, and you slide your hands down his chest, admiring his broadness. “You’re so sexy.” You murmur, reaching down to pull his cock out of his sweatpants, wanting to see him in this light. You’ve seen his cock plenty of times but now you know he’s hard for you and it’s intoxicating. You pump him and he groans out a warning so you shift to lift your hips, positioning him at your entrance and you slowly sink down onto him.

“Fuuuuuuuuck.” His hands grip your hips harshly and he clenches his jaw as you take him. You are hot and tight like a glove around his cock, clenching around him as your walls flutter. Your ass presses against his thighs and he rocks his hips up. “Fuck, that’s - fuck, gimme a minute.” He begs, feeling like he’s about to cum. “Let me- calm down.”

You nod, stilling on top of him, and you caress his chest. He exhales shakily and you lean in to kiss him, “take your time, baby. I’m in no rush.” You promise and kiss along his jaw, loving how he stretches you out.

It’s been so long since he’s felt this close to anyone, your breath blows against his skin and he shivers. Closing his eyes as he holds you still. “Fuck, I love you.” He murmurs quietly, aware that this is something that he shouldn’t even have, he should have died. But he’s here and he’s going to live for the moment and bask in the forgiveness of your touch.

You close your eyes at his words, loving how he caresses you, and you tilt your head to look at him. “I love you too. You’re so much more than you think you are.” You murmur, caressing his cheek, and you experimentally rock your hips. His groan makes your stomach clench and you rock again, starting slow as he moves inside of you.

“Shit.” He hisses quietly, opening his eyes to watch as you start to move. “You’re so pretty, so fuckin’ pretty.” He promises as he starts to slide his hands up and down your back. “You feel so good, does it feel good for you?”

His words make your heart pound in your chest and you nod, “feels so good. You feel so damn big inside of me.” You confess breathlessly, “stretching me out. It’s been so long since I had sex. You need to- to pull out so tell me if you’re close.” You remind him, not wanting an accidental pregnancy right now.

Joel grunts, looking into your eyes as he nods. “I will.” He promises. Safe sex isn’t really a thing to be had but hopefully there’s not something to come of this. You are right to remind him. “I’m good baby, ride me.”

You take his word and start to move faster. Your hands gripping his shoulders as you start to move on top of him, moaning at the way he twitches inside of you. "Fuck, you feel so good." You pant, chest heaving as his cock curves just right inside of you.

Joel grunts and leans forward to press his lips to yours, biting your bottom lip after he kisses you. Your breasts brush against his chest and he pulls you closer, craving the feel of your skin against his.

You moan into his mouth, loving how strong her feels, how he’s recovered and he’s stronger for it mentally. You rock down onto his cock, loving the way he twitches inside of you, and you are getting close. Just the feel of having the man you love inside of you is pushing you higher. “Oh shit.” You whimper when you find the right spot and you reach down to rub your clit, pushing yourself closer to the edge.

“That’s it pretty girl, making yourself cum.” Joel groans, watching you touch yourself with dark eyes. It’s so sexy and he can’t get enough of it. “Make yourself cum on my cock. I want to feel it, see it. Show me what you look like.”

You nod, mouth open as you work yourself higher until you finally fall over the edge. A cry escapes your lips as you cum, moaning his name and you clamp down on his cock, soaking him while your orgasm rocks through you.

His eyes roll back in pleasure as he feels you squeezing him and he knows he will be cumming any second. “Sweethea-rt, you gotta-“ he grits his teeth as he jerks your body up off his cock so he can keep his promise to you, panting as he spurts all over his stomach and chest.

You watch him as he cums and you love it. The way he looks is intoxicating and you lean in to kiss him. “Fuck, I love you.” You murmur, leaning in to kiss him as he pants your name.

He kisses you back eagerly, reaching for his shirt to wipe away the mess so you can lean against him. “Fuck, that was- I can’t even-“ he chuckles quietly and kisses you again. “What do you think about moving in permanently?”

You smile as he looks at you, his dark eyes soft, and you cup his cheeks. “Yes. Absolutely.” Your smile turns into a grin, excited to explore this next step with Joel. “I was dreading going home and I would miss you and Ellie like crazy.” You confess, “I want to stay.”

“Good.” He pauses for a moment and then he admits, “it’s felt like a proper home with you here. Ellie, she loves you too.” He tells you softly. “I think she imagines we are a family.”

“I imagine that too. She’s like a daughter to me.” You confess, “I want to make this a home and I want to be yours. Be in your bed every night. Be by your side no matter what.” You promise and Joel smiles, cupping your cheek, “sounds amazing, baby.”

****

“Joel.” You say his name as he takes a sip of whiskey. Ellie is watching a movie with the other kids in the barn and you decided to cook a romantic dinner for Joel, wanting to ask him something. He looks at you and you tilt your head, appraising him. You pick up your glass and take a sip, your throat suddenly dry. “Everything okay, baby?” He asks and you nod, squaring your shoulders. “I want a baby.” You announce, bracing yourself for him to say no.

Joel freezes, waiting for the familiar ache to take over his chest. For this vision to blur and his breathing to turn into short bursts as thoughts of Sarah take over. As the sounds of her rapid, panicked last breaths fill his ears. It never comes. 

He doesn’t panic at the thought of having a child that could remind him of Sarah. Ellie does in some ways, but she’s a completely different type of girl. One raised in the world outside the safety of the walls of Jackson. If you had a child here, they would be innocent in some ways Ellie was not, more like Sarah. “A baby, huh?” He murmurs after a moment. “With me?” He asks. “I’m nearly sixty, baby. You want that?”

You sense his hesitation and you feel like backtracking but you think about the nights you’ve spent awake pondering this, weighing the pros and cons of having his baby in this world. You reach for his hand, “I know and I still want it. Spending time with Ellie, helping with your nephew, it’s made me realize that I can do it. It’s hard, always hard being a mother, but I’m ready and I want a baby. I want a baby that will carry our legacy, a baby that will grow up safe and capable. We will make sure of it. Unless you don’t want that, which is - it’s fine. I’ll handle your decision. We both have to want this, Joel. Not just me. Don’t do it for me. I want you to want this too and if you don’t, then that’s case closed.” You promise, not wanting to pressure him.

Joel squeezes your hand gently, reminded of the nights he had woken in a cold sweat, sometimes from the broken memories of him being attacked or the memory of losing Sarah. You have been right beside him, offering him comfort and solace. He’s told you about that night, sharing with you memories that he has kept bottled for over twenty years. You had cried in his arms like you had been Sarah’s mother, assuring him that he had done everything right to try to protect his baby girl. The fact that he’s not immediately said no is very insightful and he bites his lip and watches you with a softness that even a year ago, he was unsure he was capable of. “It’s been a looooong time since 2 AM feedings and my hearing is shot.” He snorts, smiling slightly. “You’ll have to poke me to wake me up if you want me to get up with a baby.”

You smile, loving the way he has agreed to having a baby with you. “You’re forgetting the best part about deciding to have a baby….” You trail off and smirk, “the trying.” He returns your smirk and you giggle, standing up from your seat and you round the table to sit in his lap. “I love you.” You murmur when you’re settled in his lap, reaching up to caress his cheek. “I want you to fuck a baby into me, Joel.”

“Fuck, that’s hotter than I ever imagined.” Joel grunts, twitching underneath you. His sex drive isn’t completely on par with yours, but he keeps up and keeps you satisfied in other ways. You’ve told him you don’t regret being with him at all. Which is another balm on his battered soul. “You want me to cum in that pretty pussy?” He asks, squeezing your ass. “Imagined how you would look dripping me a few times.”

You moan, kissing along his jaw as his words wash over you. “I want you to cum inside of me. Put a baby in me.” You plead, wiggling on his lap. His hair has grown back now, more gray in it, but you love it, and you reach up to run your fingers through his hair.

He groans and captures your lips with his, licking into your mouth immediately as the easy passion blooms between you. His hands move to start stripping you down.

It doesn’t take long for you and Joel to be naked. You stumbled up the stairs to your bedroom, clothes scattered on the trail upstairs and when you lay down on the bed, Joel is immediately hovering over you. Your heart is pounding in your chest and his hand slides along your thigh, cupping your pussy. “I don’t want foreplay. I just want you. Want to feel all of you.” You murmur, caressing his shoulders.

There are times when you want the burn of his cock stretching you out and tonight is one of those nights it seems. That’s good because Joel is impatient to get inside you. He takes his cock in hand and pumps it a few times as he shuffles forward to press against your entrance. “I love you.” He murmurs.

He pushes inside of you, stretching you out, and you gasp out “love you too.” He pushes inside of you until he’s fully seated and you take a deep breath, enjoying the weight of his body on top of yours and the weight of the moment. Deciding to take this step together has your body primed and ready for him. He starts to move inside of you and you wrap your legs around his waist, moaning at the way he rocks into you.

Nearly dying hadn’t had the lasting effects that the doctors had feared when Joel had been brought in. His thrusts are steady, if not a little harder than normal, although he keeps the pace sedate. Not rushing, but he enjoys burying himself as deep as he can go and watching your eyes roll back in pleasure. “Gonna knock you up.” He grunts out.

His words make you clench around him, your hands sliding down his back to squeeze his ass. His recovery has been a miracle from the man who was on death's door to the man currently making love to you trying to get you pregnant. You whimper when his lips find your neck and you rock your hips up to try and meet his.

Every time the two of you come together, Joel remembers how lucky he is. His kisses trail along your throat as he groans into your skin. Both of you give and take from each other. “Fuck, baby.” Joel moans, his body tensing when you clench down around him again. “You gonna cum before I fill you up? Love it when you soak my cock.”

You nod, "yes baby. I - shit - you always feel so good." You slide one hand down between you so you can rub your clit. He immediately bats your hand away after shifting his weight onto one elbow. You moan when he rubs your clit just right, his hips pushing into your ass as you take him deep inside of you. "Shit. Joel. You - I'm - God." You cry out as you clamp down on his cock, soaking him.

“That’s it, good girl, goooooood girl.” Joel moans, clenching his teeth as you come apart around him. He feels his own body is ready to cum, excited by the situation and it only takes a few more thrusts. Instead of pulling his hips back, he plunges them forward, embedding himself deep as he paints your womb with his seed. “Fuck, fuck.” He pants, closing his eyes as he rides out his orgasm, amazed at how good it feels. “You’ll be pregnant in no time.”

You smile against his lips when he leans in to kiss you and you’re so hopeful for the future with Joel. A baby that looks like the two of you combined. You are excited and when he pulls out, you keep his cum inside of you, trying to make sure that it takes. You’ll be pregnant in no time.

****

“Sweetheart….I’m supposed to go ride the southern border and check the area.” You’ve quieted down over the past few hours, but he can still see the sadness lurking in your eyes. You’ve stopped blaming yourself but he knows those thoughts are bouncing around and he’s reluctant to leave you. “Do you want me to have Tommy go? Stay here with you?”

You shake your head, eyes sore from crying, “no baby. Just go. I’ll be fine. Ellie will be back soon.” You murmur, keeping your back turned towards him. You feel useless, you feel broken, and you feel exhausted. You’ve tried so hard to get pregnant. You even researched old wives tales about how to get pregnant. You’ve taken herbs, teas, anything you can to get pregnant and after trying for so long, you’re exhausted.

He worries about you, leaning over and pressing his lips to your forehead. “I’ll be back as quickly as possible and I’ll make dinner tonight.” He offers. It’s the historical Mother’s Day today, and he knows you will be extra glum since you are once again not pregnant. Sometimes he wonders if he should just tell you that he’s changed his mind, taking the guilt and worry about it off your shoulders. You can blame him for not having a child. “Okay?”

“Sure.” You murmur, closing your eyes as a cramp contracts in your stomach, making you curl into a ball. You really thought this was it. Your period was two weeks late and you didn’t tell Joel because you wanted to surprise him and then you got your period. You sniff and Joel sighs, shuffling out of the bed to get ready for his shift. You can’t blame him. He’s had a kid. It’s got to be you that’s the issue.

He’ll look for some wildflowers for you while he’s out. They always make you smile and tonight, he will do his best to make sure that you know that no matter what, he loves you. He thinks about all this while he puts his clothes on and brushes his teeth, coming out of the bathroom to find you still curled up. “Go soak in a hot bath, baby.” He suggests, walking over to the bed and kissing your cheek. “I’ll be back soon.”

You listen to him go and you know it's technically Mother's Day today. Salt in the wound. You swallow harshly and wait until the front door closes before you allow yourself to sob again. You can't believe you aren't pregnant. You've tried so hard. Maybe you aren't meant to be a mother.

Saddling the horse and getting let out of the gates of Jackson has Joel on autopilot. Most often the scouting parties are in groups, but today had been just singles, most men in the community wanting to spend time with their wives and celebrate them. The grass is green and lush; there's a certain beauty to the mild spring transitioning into warmer weather. Urging the horse forward, he is eager to finish the patrol so he can get back to you.

You have your bath, eyes sore from sobbing, and you try to come to terms that you’re never going to be a mother. It’s just not in the cards. You love Ellie and you think of her as your daughter but you wanted a baby, a combination of you and Joel to love and care for in this new world. That isn’t going to happen and you curl around yourself in bed after you’re dry, trying to cope with that fact.

Pulling the reins, Joel listens carefully, certain that he has just heard a cry. His hand goes to his rifle to pull it off his shoulder. Wary of traps or ruses to draw unsuspecting people in, he scans the area. Silence lingers long enough until he’s almost convinced he was hearing things when there’s another, louder cry. A baby. His eyes widen and he nudges the horse forward again. “Hello?” He cups his hand and calls out, wondering if there is a group traveling nearby. There must be, if there is a baby. Mountain lions and things that can sound like a baby crying are farther up in the mountains. Instead of the sound quieting, the crying turns into screaming, giving him a direction to head towards. Joel keeps his rifle up and guides the horse with his knees when he almost stumbles upon the scene. 

“Shit!” There’s a woman lying on the ground, face down with a carrier on her back, a small baby - no more than three or four months old - screaming from the restraints. He scans the areas again, looking for a trap, but there’s nothing moving. The baby's howls prompts him to dismount and move towards the woman, his rifle pointed at her until he reaches them and nudges her with his boot. Wondering if she’s been changed and cannot get to the baby, although he’s never seen one go dormant with a human around and making noise. “Hey…” prodding her doesn’t make her move and Joel scans the area again, the open range not a good spot to plan an ambush, but someone could be hiding in the tall grass. Carefully kneeling down, he grabs a bony thin shoulder and turns the woman enough to see that her gaunt face and shrunken eyes are lifeless. “Shit.” He hisses, looking back at the baby who is almost as bad as the mother. From what it looks like, this poor woman had been traveling to find shelter, food, anything for her and her baby and she collapsed less than two miles from salvation. 

Joel sighs as he sets the rifle down and rolls the body on its side. “I’m sorry.” He murmurs quietly, his heart clenching at the reality of the situation, reaching out to close the woman’s eyes before unbuckling the strap for the carrier that is across her chest.

Ellie returns before Joel does and you offer her a smile as she says hello. “I, uh, I made you something.” She says, handing you a piece of paper. It’s a card. “Happy Mother’s Day” it says and your heart clenches. A genuine smile on your face as you realize she made this for you. You open it and tears sting in your eyes as you read her scrawled handwriting. “Thank you for being the mom I never had.” She wrote and you choke, reaching for her. “I love you so much sweetheart.” You pull her close, reminded that you have a beautiful daughter who loves you. “I love you too.” She murmurs, holding you just as tight. The front door opens and you pull back as you hear a baby crying. “Joel?” You gasp when your partner walks into the kitchen.

“Ellie….go to Tommy’s and get a bottle.” He orders the teenager as he starts to pull the baby carrier off his own chest to take the baby out. He had brought the body back, but this baby needed milk as soon as he could get it for her. “I found her,” he explains. “A woman collapsed two miles away from Jackson, she starved to death.” He motions you over. “At least, I think it’s a girl.”

Your eyes widen as he cradles the baby and you reach out to take them into your arms. The baby’s diaper is dirty and you shush them as you walk over to grab an old dish towel from the drawer as a makeshift diaper. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” You coo, unwrapping the baby on the kitchen table and you tell Joel to get a wet cloth. You work on cleaning up the baby, “it’s a girl.” You announce and wrap her in the dishtowel, using the pin from her old diaper. “It’s okay sweetheart. You’re okay, sweet girl. You’re safe and we are going to get you milk.” You promise, cradling her as you turn back towards Joel. “Her poor mother. So close to salvation.” You sigh, shaking your head at the tragedy.

“I brought her back.” Joel tells you quietly, watching as you bounce the baby girl in your arms and coo at her to calm her down. “Hoping something in her bag would tell us where she’s from, what the baby’s name is.” He sighs softly. “I couldn’t leave her out there.”

“Her mother deserves a service, a burial. We must give this little one a place to visit her mother.” You murmur, stroking her cheek. She’s gorgeous, her eyes watching you, and you try to not get too attached to her, knowing that Maria and Tommy will be handling the situation.

Ellie comes bursting into the house. “Got a bottle!” She yells, thundering down the hall to rush into the kitchen. “Tommy and Maria are coming too.” She pants, quickly handing the full bottle of milk to you. The baby is obviously hungry because the second that you brush the nipple against her mouth, she shakes her little head furiously as she tries to get it in her mouth, crying out before the nipple is in and immediately starting to suckle hungrily with great, greedy gulps.

“We will need more. Tommy and Maria have everything for a baby. We - they should take her.” You murmur, knowing it will be hard to hand the baby over but she isn’t yours and the leader needs to make a decision on her placement.

Joel takes one look at the way you hold this baby while she’s eating and knows that’s not what needs to happen. This baby is your chance to be a mother, to feel like a mother. It’s like it was fate for him to be out there and find her today, to bring her to you. “I think we should keep her.” Joel tells you, coming up and laying his hand on your shoulder. “Tommy and Maria have a lot on their plate with one baby already.”

Your eyes widen as you look at him then back at the baby. “We - us - are you - Joel.” You whisper, a soft smile on your face as you dare to hope that you can keep the little girl. It feels wrong. Her mother just died, but she can’t be left alone. She needs someone to look after her.

The front door opens. “Joel?” Tommy’s voice floats through the house and Joel keeps looking at you with the baby. “In the kitchen.” He calls out. The guards at the gates had kept his horse with the poor woman’s body and he had known Tommy and Maria would come to find out what the hell happened, but he wanted to get the baby here first. Footsteps quickly sound out, two sets of them like he expected and the baby is still greedily sucking away at the milk when his brother and sister in law come into the kitchen.

You look up as Maria walks in, her baby strapped to her chest, and she immediately comes over to see the baby in your arms. “Oh, she’s a sweet little thing. She needs fattening up. Poor girl, her mom was so close to our gates. She needs a mother. You should be her mother.” She says and you stare at her, “are you sure?” Maria smiles, stroking the head of her son. “She needs a mother and you are a more than capable applicant.” She gestures to the way you’re holding the baby. “I- I know this sounds insane but I feel like this is my purpose.” You murmur, looking down at her as she suckles.

Tommy smirks at Joel, who is obviously relieved by the decision. He’s talked to Tommy about the issues you’ve had trying to conceive and wished that there was some way for you to figure out what was wrong, but there just aren’t the medical resources here in Jackson. Joel had even been thinking about trying one of the universities, but couldn’t risk it again. “We both feel that way.”

You smile, cooing at the baby. “Did we find out what her name is?” You ask and Tommy nods, holding up a note that was in the mother’s satchel. “Her name is Hope.” Tommy reveals and you smile, “Hope.” You murmur, pulling the bottle away when she’s done. You shift her to your shoulder to burp her and you cradle her once she’s burped. “She’s our hope.” You declare as you look at Joel and he comes over to wrap his arm around you, looking down at the baby. “Our new daughter.” Joel murmurs, kissing your hair and he beckons Ellie over. “She’s kinda cute.” Ellie says and leans in to stare at the baby. “Hi Hope. I’m Ellie. Your big sister. I’ll teach you everything you need to know. Especially about our grumpy dad.” She jokes and Joel chuckles and rolls his eyes. “We will gather everything you’ll need and we will make sure her mother has a proper burial. For now, you guys settle in as a family.” Maria says, stepping back towards Tommy. “Oh and Happy Mother’s Day.” Maria says to you and you smile, “you too.” You may not be able to have a biological baby but you have Ellie and you have Hope. The two girls who have made you a mother.

[laurenairay]

how long I had to fight to be living my life – N. Blankenburg

Summary: When Nora’s car breaks down, it’s just her luck that her ex-boyfriend Nick is the only one who answers the phone.

Happy (early) 30th birthday @wyattjohnston! I managed to hit bingo with the squares marriage pact, late night rescue, exes to lovers (for the free space), stranded, and ‘there will never be anyone else’. Only for you Demi, and literally only for you, will I write a fic for Nick Blankenburg. I hope you enjoy it!

Word count: 2.7k

Warnings: angst, childhood sweethearts, exes to lovers, mild mention of injuries

Title from Remember that Night? by Sara Kays

~

“No, no, no, come on!”

As her car sputtered to a stop, Nora groaned, smacking her hand against the steering wheel once before closing her eyes and tilting her head back. Of all the bad luck, she had to break down at 2am down a quiet street, in pitch black darkness with literally no-one else around. When she’d agreed to cover a couple of hours shift for one of her fellow nurses, she’d agreed without hesitation – the money was always helpful. But now, it just looked like that money she’d worked her ass off for would just be poured into whatever the hell had gone wrong with her car.

Perfect. Just perfect.

Her dad always made her save a couple of local 24-hour tow truck numbers, something which she’d always called him overprotective for…but now she was grateful for. Thankfully, the first one she called answered and agreed to pick her up immediately. The only thing was, due to the hour of the night, all they could do was tow it to their company yard until the morning before they could take it to a mechanic. And from their company yard? She had no way of getting home. Her dad wasn’t answering his phone, neither were her mom or her mom’s boyfriend. None of her best friends were either. Not that she blamed them – it was 3am by this point, a completely ridiculous hour, but all she wanted was to go home and go to bed and possibly cry. It had been a 15-hour shift so to have all of this on top of it? Not the best night she’d ever had.

As she scrolled through her phone, she was running out of options of people to contact – and then she landed on the one name she knew she shouldn’t call at all. Nick Blankenburg. Her ex-boyfriend. She didn’t even know if he was back in town yet but with no-one else answering, she had little choice. Come on Nick, pick up, pick up, pick up.

“Hello? Nora?”

“H-Hi, Nick. Sorry to call so late,” Nora said softly.

He answered. Of course he answered.

“What’s wrong? Are you drunk?”

“Rude.”

“We broke up 2 years ago and you’re calling me out of the blue at 3am. If you’re not drunk, then what’s wrong?”

Well he had a point there. But still.

“My car broke down. I was able to get a tow truck but I can’t get it fixed until the morning for obvious reasons,” Nora sighed.

“You need a ride?”

He offered? Just like that?

“Y-Yeah. If that’s okay. I know it’s not exactly ideal,” she murmured.

“I’m not leaving you stranded. Send me your location pin and I’ll leave right away.”

“Thanks Nick.”

“Yep.”

His brusqueness wasn’t rudeness, not in the slightest. It was concern in his voice, she knew that much – she never thought she’d hear that again, not from him.

“You got a ride sorted yet?”

She flinched slightly at the voice of the tow truck driver behind her, to which he laughed softly, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, honest. I got a daughter about your age and I know she would be freaking out right now if it was her.”

Well, that was a little more reassuring.

“Yeah, I’ve got a ride. He should be here soon,” she nodded, smiling even if it felt a little forced, “I’m not freaking out too much right now, I know things will get fixed.”

“Good, good. I’ll give you a call when we’re ready to take your car to the mechanic tomorrow and you can meet us there?”

“Yeah, sure. That sounds good. Thanks,” she said, trying not to think about how much the repairs would cost.

That was a problem for tomorrow.

The truck driver left her alone after that, heading back inside the building, but he left the light on to show her she wasn’t alone, which gave her a little comfort. The minutes felt like they stretched into hours while she waited for Nick, not all because of her exhaustion. She hadn’t seen him since they broke up those two long years ago, not even in passing. Sure, that had mostly been on purpose, but it didn’t make what was coming any easier.

Why had she called him?

Why had he answered?

Why had he offered to pick her up?

Before she could get any logical answers to those questions, the old familiar engine rumble sounded around the corner, and a car she never thought she’d see again pulled to a stop in front of her.

“Shit Nor, you look exhausted.”

Exactly what she needed to hear. With a groan, she picked up her bag and sent a wave over her shoulder, before getting inside the car.

“Thanks Nick, just what every woman likes to hear,” she said dryly, buckling her seatbelt.

“Damn it, I didn’t mean it like that,” he sighed, running a hand over his hair.

He looked good. A little too skinny maybe, end of season weight loss, but still…he looked good. Of course he did. He was Nick Blankenburg.

“Thanks for picking me up. Can we go?”

“Yeah course. Uh, where am I taking you?”

Right, because she’d moved out of her dad’s place after they’d broken up.

Nick stayed silent as she rattled off her address, plugging it into his phone before starting to drive. It wasn’t going to take more than 20 minutes for him to drive her, but she didn’t know how she was going to stay sane. Nick was just staring resolutely out at the empty streets, radio playing quietly, not really breaking the awkward silence.

It wasn’t that their break-up had been a nasty messy blow out. Yeah, there were arguments and stupid things said back and forth, but nothing that made her hate him. They’d just…grown apart. It had been hard enough with the distance of him at UMich – and all the rightful attention he’d had – she’d gotten jealous of girls flirting and he didn’t try hard enough to reassure her. His captaincy and dedication to the team was something he’d worked hard for, and she’d been so proud of him – but that focus had meant their relationship had slipped through the cracks. And with him trying to make it in professional hockey? Nick signing that first contract with the Blue Jackets had been the death of them.

She’d been so proud of him, just as he’d deserved, because he was finally making his dream come true. But she’d had to be honest with herself – they couldn’t handle the distance of just over an hour for four years, so how could they handle being over 4 hours apart when all of his focus had to be on his career?

The final time they’d seen each other had been the most she’d ever seen him cry. It was the most she had ever cried in her life too. The cumulation of what seemed like a lifetime had swirled down the drain and there was nothing left in either of them to try to fix it. But Nick had left with one promise – if she ever truly needed him, he would be there.

Nora hadn’t thought about that in a long time. Seems like her subconscious had remembered after all.

“So…long shift tonight?”

The familiar awkwardness in his voice made her crack a smile without her being able to help it.

“Yeah. My regular 12-hour shift plus another 3 hours to cover for another nurse,” she nodded, glancing over at him.

The immediate grimace on his face made her laugh, earning a twitch of a smile from him.

“That sounds awful,” he murmured.

“That’s nursing,” she said, shrugging.

His eyes darted to her voice briefly, before locking back on the road.

“You love nursing, don’t you.”

He could still read her that easily?

“Yeah, I really do. It’s like I finally know what I’m meant to be doing,” she nodded, smiling.

He smiled tightly at her, nodding back. The unease settled back in her chest, making her sigh softly.

“How’s hockey?”

Nick barked out a laugh, making her frown. What the hell had happened to him?

“I still love it, but I don’t think it loves me,” he muttered.

Well, fuck. “What do you mean?” she prompted.

It had hurt too much to follow his career after he left. She’d had every intention of keeping track of his games, but when it had come to it? It had been too hard.

“I got sent down to the AHL at the end of the season. I’ve had injuries all year. And it’s the end of my two-year contract now. So I’m really not sure what the hell is going to happen to me next season. If I even have a next season.”

For all the years she’d known him, she’d never heard this much bitterness in his voice. Not in AAA hockey. Not in Juniors. Not at UMich. Not in his struggles to get drafted. Not in their hard times. Not even in their break-up. What the hell had happened to him?

“Everything will work out,” she murmured.

“Yeah, okay,” he scoffed.

She flinched at the sharpness in his voice, something he immediately noticed by the way he cursed under his breath.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay,” she said softly, interrupting, “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“You can always ask, Nor,” he replied.

“Pretty sure I lost that right two years ago,” she pointed out.

Nick huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. Nora was just glad the tension was broken. She still didn’t know what she’d been thinking, calling Nick – but at least they weren’t yelling at each other. That was a silver lining.

“There will never be anyone else who I’d be this honest to,” he shrugged.

Nora swallowed heavily, taking in a shaky breath as Nick glanced over at her.

“I can’t be the only person you talk to about this stuff,” she murmured.

“Who else am I going to trust?”

~

“You want to what?”

“I want to make a pact with you,” Nick said simply.

“We are 10 years old and you want to make a marriage pact with me?”

“You’re the prettiest girl in class and you’re one of my best friends. Why wouldn’t I want to marry you?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, dummy,” Nora giggled.

“I’m not a dummy, you’re a dummy!” Nick shot back.

Nora just giggled harder, sticking her tongue out at Nick through her missing front teeth.

“Pretty sure you’re meant to be boyfriend girlfriend first before you get married,” she pointed out.

Nick seemed to think about that for a few seconds before shrugging. “Okay let’s be boyfriend girlfriend.”

“Really?”

“Really really.”

“So you’ll hold my hand? And kick Jimmy Smith when he makes fun of my curly hair? And eat lunch with me?” Nora asked hopefully.

“Only if you help me with my math homework. And pick the best bandaids for my knees. And stay my best friend forever,” Nick nodded.

“Best friends forever?”

“Who else am I going to trust?”

~

As the memory of those words rushed through her, Nora choked on a gasp, glancing over at Nick with tears in her eyes.

“You still remember?”

“You still remember?” she countered.

“My concussions haven’t been that bad, Nor,” he mused.

She winced. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Nick nodded, accepting her answer. “I still remember, because making that pact with you was still one of the best things I’ve ever done.”

The tears truly stung at her eyes now, and she shook her head. “We were so young. And so stupid.”

“Maybe. But we were boyfriend girlfriend for 12 years so I think I did something right,” he smirked.

Boyfriend girlfriend. It sounded so childish, so innocent when he said it like that, but wasn’t that exactly what they were for 12 years? 12 long years and this is where they were now.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” he murmured.

“I miss you.”

Those were not the words she expected to come out of her mouth, but it was far too late to take them back now. Even if Nick looked like he’d been stunned into silence.

“You miss me?” he eventually asked, surprisingly her slightly with how his voice was full of wonder rather than disgust.

“Can we pretend I didn’t say that?” she groaned.

“Absolutely not,” Nick shot back.

That slow grin that spread over his face was so familiar, so Nick, and it still sent a shiver up her spine. Damn it. The way his eyes crinkled with the force of his smile still filled her stomach with butterflies. Damn it.

“My mom still asks about you, you know,” he said softly.

“Oh my god, don’t bring Momma Blanks into this, that’s just mean,” she murmured.

Nick snorted, lifting one hand off the wheel to hold it up in surrender. It wasn’t until he put his hand back on the wheel and pulled to a stop that she realised where they were. Outside her apartment building. Where had that journey gone?

“I guess this is it then,” Nora said quietly.

Those words ached in her chest the moment they left her lips.

“Does it have to be?”

With Nick’s full attention on her now, it was hard to feel anything but completely consumed.

“We broke up, Nick. Two years ago,” she said simply, trying to guard herself.

“And they have been the hardest two years of my life.”

Nora inhaled sharply. “You chose hockey. As you rightly should have, because it’s the career you wanted for so long, but you chose hockey!”

“I know that! I fight and struggle and claw my way through each day, hoping to find what I’m looking for, and I can’t because I left that behind when we broke up!”

He was breathing raggedly, emotion pouring into his words, eyes so full of devastation that they broke her heart all over again. Nick swallowed heavily, huffing out a laugh, before shaking his head.

“I’m sorry for raising my voice. That wasn’t fair. I just…I miss you, Nora. Maybe tonight was fate,” he said softly.

“You think my car breaking down after a long 15-hour shift is fate,” she said dryly.

“Oh my god I don’t know why I love you.”

Even as he groaned dramatically, she knew he meant every word. He loved her. He still loved her. Even after two years, he still loved her? Nora didn’t know what was showing on her face, but Nick sighed softly before sending her a weak smile.

“We can pretend I didn’t say that,” he offered.

His voice was so quiet, so small, nothing like she’d ever heard before. He was nervous. She hated it.

“Can’t take it back now, Blankenburg. I heard you loud and clear,” Nora said simply, smile threatening to spill over her lips.

Nick’s own lips parted in surprise for a moment, before he laughed loud and clear, the most genuine things she’d heard from him all night. “Do you need a ride to the mechanic tomorrow morning?”

“You going to be my knight in shining armour again?”

“As long as you’ll let me, princess.”

She couldn’t help slipping back into her old teasing, Nick’s answering grin cementing it for her. Tonight had been dangerous for her heart, everything she’d been trying to protect herself against for the past two years. And yet here she was, flirting with her ex-boyfriend like nothing had changed.

“Give me a call when you need me?” he suggested.

“Yeah, yeah, I will do,” she nodded, slipping her bag strap over her shoulder as she tried to calm her racing heart.

But as she opened the car door, Nick’s hand shot out to stop her, his large hand surrounding her wrist easily. His thumb stoked over the thin skin in a way that made her shiver, something which he clearly noticed with the way he smiled sharply, heated.

“It really was good to see you, Nora,” he murmured.

“It was good to see you too, Nick.”

And as he let her go, she knew in her bones that this was the start of something completely new.

[a-aexotic]

hii i feel like john b doesn't get nearly enough fics and i <3 your writing so could i request a fic where he's having a rough day so he comes over and reader does her whole nighttime routine w him to help de-stress? 💗💗

ren's notes ! yes i totally agree, john b is so overhated for what

pairing. john b x fem!reader

warnings. literally nothing except fluff and ward being ward

➜ missing out on updates? ❪ navigation. masterlist. taglist. ❫

Today was not John B's day.

He woke up in a shitty mood and everything else just went along with that. He burnt his pancakes, he forgot to pay the water bill so he was stuck with cold water as a shower. He forgot to do laundry so he had to wear his dirty clothes. And the Camerons were being more asshole-ish than usual.

He just wanted to go home and eat, relaxing while watching a TV show. So why did Ward make him clean the yacht for the second time this week?

He texted you throughout working and you felt really bad. You wanted to do something that would cheer him up.

He heard a ding and pulled out his phone.

Y/N:) 💋☀️ oh, im sorry to hear that baby:/

Y/N:) 💋☀️ do u wanna come over and watch something?<3 maybe that'll help

Y/N:) 💋☀️ i love u jb:)

He smiled at your texts as he sent a quick text back, not wanting to hear another lecture about phones from Ward again.

JB 😎 No worries babe 😘💕 I love u too

JB 😎 That sounds like heaven 😫 Be there at 6 x

--

Work couldn't have even sooner for John B. He was so excited to go see you; he's felt like it's been weeks even though in reality, it's only been maybe a day. Today just felt so long but he knew that one kiss from you, and all that stress would go away.

He pulled up to your house and quickly got out. He was prepared to spend the entire night with you, sleeping in your arms so that all his stress would melt away.

He knocked at the door and your mother answered, letting him know you had just got down with your shower and that you were upstairs. She also reminded John B to knock before going in.

As he was told, he knocked before going in.

"Mom, I'll be down in a minute, let me finish my skincare."

"It's not mom, It's John B."

You quickly jumped out of your chair and ran to the door, opening it and embracing John B. He smiled at your enthusiasm.

"Oh, John B. I missed you."

He leaned into you, sighing in content. "Me, too, baby. Me, too."

"I was just going to finish my skincare and we can go get some popcorn and eat, okay?"

"Um, actually. I think after the day I've had, I need a mask."

You smiled at your boyfriend. Your glad your skincare is rubbing off on him because you wanted him to relax (you also didn't want him to age badly). "Of course, baby! Just uh, go take a quick shower and we can get started!"

He didn't even have the energy to be offended at your underlining comment so he just nodded and went into your bathroom, closing the door.

As he showered, you got the candy and popcorn ready. He got out and he sighed in relaxation. He then looked at the bowl next to your bed to find his favorite candy. "Ooo."

He took a handful before you came in with a huge grin on your face. "Okay, we have either a peach collagen mask or a vitamin d matcha mask."

He laughed immaturely at the mention of D. "Vitamin D, of course."

You rolled your eyes playfully as you put down the other mask, opening the vitamin d sheet mask. "Did you wash your face?" You asked before putting it on.

"Yes."

"With my CeraVe cleanser?"

He nodded and sighed as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. But if you asked him that a few months ago, he would've asked who CeraVe was and what a cleanser is. You're glad you've taught him well.

You smiled at that, nodding. "Good."

You put on the mask and John B felt his muscles relaxing from your soft touch, and the gentleness of the sheet mask on his face. "This feels so nice. I can't remember a time when I didn't use masks."

"Mhm, I bet your skin feels the same."

He sighed contently as you fully adjusted the mask to his face. You walked away towards your mini-fridge to get a Jade roller. You went back to John B and started massaging his face with it.

"Wow, this feels nice. Is how the rich feel?" John B commented as you laughed.

You kept massaging for a few minutes before stopping, making John B groan. You rolled your eyes.

"My arms hurt, John B, I can't do this until it dries."

He sighed and nodded, "Okay fine."

John B then went to go sit on your bed and turn on the TV as you put your mask on. John B then went to the bedside table and grabbed the popcorn, eating it happily.

You smiled at your boyfriend. You're glad that he feels better now. You got into the bed too, taking some of the popcorn and eating it.

"Okay, babe. It's your pick, what're we watching?"

"21 Jump Street."

You sighed. "... Again?"

"Oh shush, I know you love staring at Channing Tatum."

You rolled your eyes playfully, knowing it was true.

[gebediahhhhhhh]

I’ve seen a lot of people analyzing Lydia’s behavior in BJBJ, not only on tumblr. And a lot of posts about Lydia’s anxiety being illogical miss one certain point: anxiety IS illogical. As someone who spent enough time treating my depression and anxiety issues (and also abusing my medicine at some point) I can totally get her behavior. Let me explain.

WARNING: I’m not an expert in anything I’m talking about, this is just for fun and based on my own experience with mental issues. Also I’m very sleepy and English is not my first language.

When people analyze Lydia’s behavior, they usually have 2 points:

1. Lydia is afraid of ghosts in general; she’s getting anxious because she can see dead people.

2. Lydia is afraid of Beetlejuice specifically.

While the first one is more logically understandable, I don’t think it’s the thing. To me it was obvious that she was afraid of BJ and her panic attacks happened only when she saw him. The second one, though, makes less sense considering the events of the second movie, when Lydia summons BJ and she’s just like… annoyed. She looks at him and goes ew. I didn’t see panic. Which could be just her being calm and collected in the face of danger, but I don’t believe Lyds is like that, sorry 😭

So that leaves us with her reactions being kinda… inconsistent. Yeah! So let me introduce you to my hot takes:

- Lydia is mentally unstable and has big anxiety issues which lead her to panic spiraling about certain topics.

- Lydia is NOT afraid of ghosts in general (at least consciously), but seeing them still messes her up.

- Lydia’s only human and her memory of the first movie events is not perfect.

Let’s talk about this.

In the first movie we clearly see Lydia being depressed and suicidal. Here everything’s clear, I think. Depression at a young age can mess your brain big time and I doubt she got it medicated until she was a whole ass adult.

In the same first movie Lydia obviously doesn’t feel distressed around ghosts (except for BJ, because he’s a weirdo). She willingly spends time with Maitlands and dances with football players and in general she’s okay with ghosts.

From the second movie we get that she can see any ghost because of her gift. I can only imagine how many ghosts she’s met during these 36 years. Probably even before her show started, she would always randomly see dead people in all kinds of places. Some guy killed himself in this building 50 years ago? Yep, Lydia can see him haunting the place. This ability surely doesn’t bring comfort to one’s life, especially after you grow out of your teenage years and talking to dead people is no more considered a quirky thing.

Now back to her fear of Beetlejuice. In the first movie, he terrorized the Deetzes, but didn’t do anything harmful to Lydia specifically. The whole wedding thing must’ve been pretty scary though, I don’t think many people acknowledge that. In her place I would absolutely be terrified. But at the end she seems fine and cheerful, which could be a sign that she isn’t traumatized but all this ghostly stuff that much. So what could’ve happened for her to react to BJ like this?

What I’m thinking is, human memory is not perfect. It tends to blur some things, especially uncomfortable ones. And depression is known for causing memory issues as well. I, personally, barely remember my teen years. And I’m definitely younger than Lydia and saw far less shit in my life. So I’m just thinking that, for the past 36 years, her memory of encountering Beetlejuice might’ve gotten more vague and kinda replaced with… Maitlands’ stories about him.

We don’t know when exactly did the Maitlands leave, but I assume Lydia did spend with them enough time. I already saw a very good in-depth post about Lydia’s fear of Beetlejuice being fueled by the Maitlands’ experience of him being a pervy freak and whatnot. Yes, I agree!!! They absolutely did tell Lydia about all their afterlife experiences, including their first time summoning Beetlejuice. So Lydia must’ve known about him being extremely fucking weird.

Now, imagine: you’re a woman with many mental issues. Your job includes regularly seeing dead people who might look really disturbing and behave in a potentially dangerous way. You have many relationships issues as well and now… You start seeing a freaky ghost from your teenage years. What do you remember about him? Oh, not much:

- he hurt your dad and scared your family (which might have been funny when you’re 16, you do start seeing things differently when you grow up).

- he was acting absolutely disgusting towards your friend.

- he tried to marry you.

I don’t blame Lydia for freaking out. And considering she has anxiety, I can totally imagine her brain going different directions with thoughts how Beetlejuice might hurt her specifically. Been there, done that. I believe her seeing him at the studio wasn’t the first time, and her reactions just kept escalating because she kept thinking about him being a supernatural entity who can murder her, rape her, hurt her daughter, hurt her parents, etc.

But then she summons him and he’s… normal. I mean, relatively normal. You know that feeling when you’re afraid to make this really scary phone call, but when you finally do, it turns out to be not that scary? I imagine that what Lydia experienced, just ten times more intense lmao.

[ruporas]

I don't know if this is a heavy question to ask- it may be. Feel free to ignore it.

But I was questioning myself if it was even an okay thing to ship Tristamp! vash x tristamp! wolfwood due to the age gap???

In the manga it was proven ww was of age (since the treatments went over a course of years) but it wasn't so clear in tristamp, especially with the whole forced growth sequence being more cut short than the manga. He may be in the body of a man but, isn't he still a child? is what I mean to ask.

At the end of the day I know they are all fictional and to block if I don't like but it still has me wondering.

I've seen a lot of people simultaneously pull "dni pedos" (which is more than okay and I agree) but then also go and ship what they ship.

I'm just genuinely confused I think. Is there something I am missing? or is he still a child in a man's body?

I don't know who else to ask, because I also know at the end of the day you're just an artist on the other end of the line. I'm sorry 😭

yeah, it's confusing because stampede never states it directly, but i'm certain that wolfwood is an adult from the brief glimpses of time shown in stampede itself and in trusting the studio themselves.

as we saw with rollo, he was experimented on for 5 years before ending up like this

and then we see him again in this same state 20 years later in episode 5. we get concrete numbers for rollo who we can estimate to be in his 20s when he dies. see here too that elendira, 20 years ago, also still looks like that, the same in the present. i'm saying all of this to dissuade any arguments that might be like "wolfwood should look older and not the same as he did in the flashback of ep 6" because there are only so many 3d models orange studio can make and design. i also think that ep 5 itself is meant to exemplify the quick years that can go by when in reference to a flashback.

the mention of wolfwood aging "in just a few months" shouldn't be an indicator of his age because narrative-wise, they only brought that up to emphasize him being a s+ grade and unique and to highlight how much he's suffered in just a short period of time. wolfwood's flashback is put together in one(1) episode, much of it is used to highlight the bond between him and livio in their childhood because that's the point of his arc. because of that, any scenes that shows him working under the eye of michael are all cut because it isn't important at this time of the show. there's a huge time gap missing in wolfwood's history because studio orange chose specific years to give weight to the arc they wanted to present to us first.

this is like the only scene we get of him doing his job under the eom, at the beginning of ep 6

and him here is different from how he is here.

so from the show itself, i think those are the obvious points that suggests wolfwood is not Still 10 years old when he gets sent to retrieve vash.

in reference to my second point of believing in the studio -- because they heavily based stampede off of maximum, i find it Hard to believe they'd randomly make wolfwood a minor because it genuinely serves no benefit to his story to make that change. there would be less weight to his bond with vash because wolfwood has always been the character to challenge vash, they're meant to be equals. much of maximum and 98, Even Badlands Rumble, play up the significance of vash and wolfwood's relationship and how the two can argue and depend on each other as people with similar life experiences. orange studio pour love into stampede and respects nightow and his craft and as a result, i think they'd keep vash and wolfwood on the same level in this adaption too.

all and all, they're both adults in previous versions and they're both adults in this version. final phase will probably give room for more of wolfwood's past experiences now that we know most of vash's story, maybe that would resolve any confusion.

hope that helps!

[thefirstknife]

Sorry to dump this rant in your inbox but the community’s attitude this entire season has legit got me tilted to the point I ignore pretty much the entire community outside of tumblr and a few irl friends. A lot of it has been frustrations I’ve had since Lightfall dropped wrt acting like the story was dogshit bc it didn’t give all the answers.

I legit got so fed up with Byf’s whole “oh all this season of the deep lore should have been in Lightfall” stuff bc like. My guy. You were one of the biggest complainers about the seasons having zero lore or story relevance. Fucking pick one or the other. Either seasons are all filled bullshit or you’re gonna get cliffhangered and expected to have some damn patience for storylines to get picked back up over time in the seasons after the main campaign of an expansion is done.

Especially bc like. IMO anyone expecting anything not a cliffhanger from the end of Lightfall when we KNEW The Final Shape was coming after it was just setting themselves up for disappointment, you need big tension and shit like that before the final act and this way getting dripfed answers in the lead up feels less like we’re dicking around doing nothing useful for the entire year as we wait for TFS to drop. It legit felt like being a KH fan back when KH3 dropped who had payed attention and played all the games and knew wasn’t the end of the series, just the conclusion of an arc and anyone mad about the stuff left unfinished was being unreasonable when it was made pretty explicitly clear it would either be answered in the future bc this wasn’t the ending or had been answered ages ago and people just hadn’t bothered to pay attention to it. Lightfall was never going to have all the answers bc it wasn’t the ending, and Bungie has proven they’ll circle back around and answer questions and pick up story beats if you’d just have a little patience! I’ll agree it wasn’t done perfectly and could do with more focus on the Veil and less on Strand but come ON my guy!

Combine that with the general toxicity of non-story focused Destiny YouTubers, especially PvP only typesc about Destiny and the way their fans have behaved and I’m full on not watching Destiny content creators anymore. Genuinely never seen content creators who need to touch grass and maybe just. Take a break. I’m not saying Lightfall was perfect or that Bungie hasn’t fucked up but I’m honestly just. Extremely fucking tired of how the community outside of tumblr has reacted to everything. And I’m especially sick of crybaby crucibros being obnoxious. Much as I don’t actually think it’d be at all good for the game there’s a part of me that thinks the idea of them splitting PvP stuff and PvE stuff into separate Destiny games in the future might have some merit to it purely so those of us who just want to explore and enjoy the story in peace can never bother with them again

Go off, honestly. So true. I've felt the same and I've pretty much not watched any Destiny youtube content in months. I started a few of them, but then stopped because of how utterly annoying and just plain wrong they were. The Lightfall situation is such a shitshow, not because of Bungie or the expansion itself, but because I genuinely believe that Destiny is above the reading level of most gamers.

Obviously, I still have some issues with how some stuff was handled, just as you do. Literally nobody is saying that everything in Lightfall was perfect. And I extend that to all expansions btw. Every expansion had faults. None of them are perfect. I think Lightfall's mysterious storytelling could've been a little bit clearer. And make no mistake, Lightfall WAS clear that nobody knows about the Veil, it just wasn't as clear as it could've been. Nothing would've really changed about the mystery if this was made more obvious earlier on in the campaign.

But dear lord, the bullshit around it is so tiring. I get it. I was confused at first too. I even posted here that I found certain things not as good and that they made me a little annoyed! And like that's fine! Your first impressions are your first impressions. But please move on. Are you seriously deciding everything based on first impressions? Do you never look into things and see if maybe there were things you missed or were wrong about? Like, it's okay to be confused at first and then realise later that you missed things. That's how learning works.

And yeah, the whole "everything should've been in Lightfall's campaign right away" is not only annoying because of the stuff you said, it's also annoying because it ignores that there's too much content to fit inside of a single campaign and also that this content has a theme. The campaign is a self-contained story with a theme and a plot (and the plot is NOT "learn what the Veil is." The plot of Lightfall is "stop Calus and the Witness from destroying Neomuna" which has concluded perfectly well in the campaign). Post-campaign stuff, the Witness cutscene and the Veil Logs are all things that don't fit thematically with the high action 80s movie story about protecting a city from destruction. These things were deliberately spread out through the year to give us multiple stories to follow while we wait for TFS. It's a live service game. You're here for the whole year. And it's fine if that's not the storytelling type you like. It's fine! That doesn't mean the story is objectively bad.

But yeah, agreed with what you said. It helps to vent! There's definitely people out there who are in the same situation and who just want to enjoy the game as usual and not having to deal with crybabies who make the whole experience absolutely miserable and make it impossible to engage with anything. Luckily, there's also always people who are still engaging with the game normally. We like the game and we like engaging with the game. And when I stop liking it, I'll just stop engaging with it. I wish other people could do the same.

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

I’m sorry to see that you took my earlier ask the wrong way! I didn’t quote you in that, but I’ll quote you now so we can both be on the same page as to what I was responding to.

You said “the term actually asexual started as an aphobic or ace spec exclusionary tag/label.” Then you went on to explain the gatekeeping sub-community that used the term a couple years ago.

I’m not disputing that that happened, I am saying that that is not where the term “started”. It started in 2012, inspired by the actuallyautistic tag, as a method to avoid spam in the main tag. At that point it had no exclusionary connotation. Using actually- tags was a trend on tumblr in the early-mid 2010s so that members of marginalized communities could make sure their voices were heard. This use went out of fashion after that era of spam dried up, so it’s understandable that you wouldn’t know about it, and that you would overestimate your knowledge of history and make such a confident but incorrect statement as you did about the term’s true origin.

I know that emotionally it can be really difficult to deal with a message online correcting a statement you’ve made. It can feel like I’m telling you you’re wrong and you should feel bad for it, so I want to make it clear that this is not anon hate, just somebody who cares about aspec community memory. Nobody is right all the time! I’ve been confidently incorrect plenty of times in my life so I understand how the embarrassment can feel like a slap in the face. That’s ok, and those feelings aren’t always an indication that you’re being put down or judged. It’s necessary that we as people can hold discussions where we’re trying to figure out what’s correct collaboratively and not argumentatively, and that means recognizing when the people you’re speaking with are well-intentioned and responding in kind.

Anyway, yeah, I remember being younger and I remember how mortified I would have felt to read the message I sent, so no judgement at all. The good thing is that as life goes on you get more experience, more desensitization to those extreme feelings, more contextual knowledge to recognize that it’s ok, etc etc.

I’m not asking you to respond to this ask in any way, I just want to make it clear that I wasn’t trying to put you down at all. Have a good night!

lmao bestie, reading this was a wild ride and I wish i kept your past post as you back tracked twice.

Yeah i think this was mostly a misunderstanding on both sides and we were both wrong, however I will say in your OG ask you stated the tag started in 2022. But the reason you gave was the same.

I don't know how active you were on the "actually asexual" tag back in the day, but people were still not being the greatest over the split attraction model. It wasn't suddenly a safe haven for all asexuals (just like the current ace tags).

"Using actually- tags was a trend on tumblr in the early-mid 2010s so that members of marginalized communities could make sure their voices were heard. This use went out of fashion after that era of spam dried up, so it’s understandable that you wouldn’t know about it, and that you would overestimate your knowledge of history and make such a confident but incorrect statement as you did about the term’s true origin."

Yeah I know actually. I've been here since around 2016/17 and I do deep dives into tumblr and older posts a lot in my free time. I'm not new here actually and to give a rough est. of my age, I was never under the age of 13 on the site. "actually-" tags are still quite popular, actually asexual being the most known in my circle for obvious reasons. "I know that emotionally it can be really difficult to deal with a message online correcting a statement you’ve made. It can feel like I’m telling you you’re wrong and you should feel bad for it, so I want to make it clear that this is not anon hate, just somebody who cares about aspec community memory. Nobody is right all the time!"

You are right here, and I agree. But the way you originally phrased your "correction" was not only incorrect, but spiteful and hateful. It might not of read so to you but saying shit like "clearly you don't care about" and "you're to young to understand" isn't constructive criticism, its in-fact quite annoying and patronising. Statements like that are meant to enrage people, which is why I did not respond to you OG asks as I don't want to spiral a small matter. I would also like to say you final statements, while correct, are also quite sarcastically sweet to almost (very) patronising. Please do not talk to me like you would a small child.

[destinyc1020]

My unpopular opinion is that I wanted Austin back with Vanessa, the Hollywood industry is cutthroat, you'd be hard pressed to find someone that cares for you genuinely, during the good times and the bad times, whether that be friends, partners, staff that work for you, and I'm sorry to Kaia and I'm not on no hating shit but I just don't think she'd glance at Austin twice if it wad 5yrs ago and you can argue if he did Vanessa wrong or not but I just don't think he'd be able to find a person that likes him for himself and not what his name brings to the table from now on. I hope the best of luck and happiness to Vanessa, she deserves to move on with her life and get the things she wants from this fickle thing we call life, it sucks its not with Austin but yea I just wish them both to find happiness and peace, it's just weird to see things play out and feel like it's all completely wrong and could blow out on their face 👀👀

Chiiiiiiiillllle...... You should have waited to post this in the "Confession Sunday" time slot cuz I can see you getting a lot of backlash for saying this! 😂

But to be honest?? And this is just #RealTalk and me being 100% honest here.... I actually agree w/you.

Vanessa loved that man to death. It was clear as day. She was his ride-or-die chick lol. 😅 They were like best friends. 🥺 You can see it with just about any picture you see of the two of them. They were also with each other through many hard times and milestones in each of their personal lives. Idk if you quite forget that?? I'm not a huge-huge fan of hers (esp after she's been throwing him shade 👀), but I definitely trusted Austin with Vanessa more than with Kaia. Idk how much I trust that Gerber family. 👀

and I'm sorry to Kaia and I'm not on no hating shit but I just don't think she'd glance at Austin twice if it wad 5yrs ago and you can argue if he did Vanessa wrong or not but I just don't think he'd be able to find a person that likes him for himself and not what his name brings to the table from now on.

THIS. ☝🏾

That's pretty clearly obvious lol. Plus, her family has an obsession with Elvis for some reason lol, so perhaps any actor that was playing the late singer would have been appealing to her? 😅

Look....I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I know what happened in their relationship, but Austin and Vanessa started dating when he was 19 and she was 22/23?? So, sometimes, people just grow and eventually want different things in life. It's clear she wanted to settle down and marry, have kids, etc... and maybe he wanted that too (they were talking about engagement before they split up), but maybe he wasn't in a spot in his life where he felt ready for that? Maybe he was suuuuuper stressed w/Elvis preparation? Who knows? 🤷🏾‍♀️

Just because two people break up, it doesn't automatically mean that something awful was the cause of the breakup.

Since they were together for about 9 years, I would hope that they at least have remained SOMEWHAT friends or on a cordial level. Some fans have said that Austin himself has stated that he and Vanessa are still relatively close. So... go figure? 🤷🏾‍♀️

Either way, I agree with you... Something seems off/all wrong about his current relationship imo. W/RE: to Vanessa... It really should have been him... And I'm sure Vanessa thought it would be too. But hey, sometimes, life throws you curveballs! 😅

As long as Vanessa is happy with Cole, then I'm happy for her. 😊 Vanessa deserves to be happy and move on with her life, and I'm sure Austin realizes that too, even if it might feel a bit weird for him. I'm not sure how long she and Cole will last (mainly due to the age gap👀) but hey....I wish her/them the best!

[multi-fandom-lunatic]

Movie Date - Kam Oneshot

Wrote this ages ago on my old oneshot book. Here it is!

______

“What’s this stuff?” Tam asked, digging his hand, and pulling out a perfectly buttered, crispy piece of popcorn.

“Delicious.” Keefe smiled, as he pulled Tam along into the cinema. Keefe’s icy blue jerkin seemed to turn a cloudy grey under the dark of the movie theatre. Tam, wearing a special Batman shirt, stood out, the yellow seemingly reflected off . . . Keefe had no idea.

“Ugh, it’s always when I try not to draw attention to myself,” Tam said, tugging on his silvery bangs. Keefe smiled as he turned to his boyfriend.

“Why would you not want to draw attention to someone as beautiful as you?” Keefe asked playfully. Tam’s ears and cheeks turned a light pink. Keefe let out a soft melodious laugh as Tam rolled his river-like eyes.

“No cheese, Keefe,” Tam groaned. “Please.” Keefe smiled even wider, his grin reaching his trademark icy eyes.

“I’m not lying. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” Keefe said honestly. Tam let out a breath neither of them knew he was holding.

“You cheated with that one, but I’ll allow it.” Tam conceded. Keefe pumped his fist.

“Bring on the parmesan.”

The two took their places right at the back, the heads of children and adults alike bobbing as they laughed at the screen.

“These trains suck,” Tam said. Keefe nearly spit out his popcorn.

“Trailers, you mean?” Keefe asked him, Tam folded his arms.

“I much prefer trains. But they suck.”

“Why don’t we call them trainers?” Keefe suggested a compromise.

“Only if we can both agree they suck.” Tam retorted. Keefe smirked.

“Deal.”

***

“This sucks more than the trailers!” Tam yelled after the audience gasped after a predictable plot twist. “It’s so obvious Giselle is the villain! She literally smirks and says, ‘I’m worse than what you think.’ Is everyone in the movie just an idiot?” Tam raged.

“Not just in the movie.” Keefe said, perhaps a little too loudly. At least ten heads turned toward them, nine glaring at him, fire in their eyes, and one belonging to a little girl, who just looked confused. Tam giggled.

“If I hear anyone say Sofia is a good protagonist, I swear,” Tam cracked his knuckles. “That’ll be the last thing they say.” Another group of angry adults turned towards them, this time growling. Tam had to resist the urge to ask them if they wanted a treat.

“And Fitzgerald’s anger issues are literally plaguing Geraldfia’s whole relationship!” Keefe said. “I’m a Kevinfia shipper all the way.” Keefe huffed.

“Hmmm, more of a Tamasin x Kevin shipper. Tamkev?” Keefe considered his answer for a second before replying.

“Ooh, yeah, change my mind, Tamkev shipping all the way!” Keefe said. Tamasin is literally the most emo-person-with-a-tragic-backstory, and Kevin is the flirty-sunshine-dude-with-abusive-parents, and they’re perfect for each other.” The two of them squealed in delight.

Keefe suddenly noticed a boy, who looked around seventeen, walk up to them. He had a kind smile, but he looked bored and tired.

“Hello, I’ve been told to escort you two out, due to noise complaints. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.” The way he said it implied no room for further argument. Keefe huffed.

“We weren’t that loud.” Even Tam looked at Keefe like yep, we were.

“Please don’t make me call security.” Tam and Keefe looked at each other.

“No need for that we’re coming,” Tam said, grabbing Keefe’s hand before the blond could retort, and dragged him out. He was sure he heard the faint sound of applause as they left. After a moment of silence, Keefe blew out a breath and hunched over. Tam was on full alert. Was his boyfriend, okay?

Tam knelt a little to see Keefe’s face. He let out a whimper. Tam panicked. Was he really upset about not seeing the movie?

He broke out into a fit of laughter. Raucous, loud, laughter. Tam blew out a breath.

“Sorry, I, you, that- oh my gods!” Keefe tried to speak in full sentences, but he failed. Miserably.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Tam spoke with relief in his voice. Keefe knitted his eyebrows together.

“And I thought it was my job to be the care bear.” Tam scoffed.

“You wish, Hunkyhair. Get used to me not making fun of you 24/7.” Keefe offered him one of his signature heart-warming smiles.

“I will.”

[lesbiangummybearmafia]

OMFG WTSF!!! WHO DARED ANYONE PUT THIS OUT INTO THE UNIVERSAL!

From: GIANT FREAKIN ROBOT > Movies & TV

Alicia Vikander Makes An Amazing Captain Janeway For Star Trek: Voyager Reboot, artwork of Alicia Vikander as Captain Janeway for a potential Star Trek: Voyager reboot and the Swedish star looks like a great replacement. By JONATHAN KLOTZ | UPDATED 19 HOURS AGO

We humbly suggest Alicia Vikander as her replacement for a new Star Trek: Voyager series. The star has demonstrated a wide range of characters in her career, from Lara Croft to Gloria Steinem (peruse her IMDB for the full extent), making her a great fit for the tough but compassionate Kathryn Janeway. Giant Freakin’ Robot staff wondered what this would look like, so we ran it through an AI artwork generator, and the result is amazing.

A future version of Voyager was involved in the series, proving pivotal in getting the ship back to Federation space, setting up Kate Mulgrew to reappear as Admiral Janeway, while Seven of Nine is now part of Star Trek: Picard. What if Alicia Vikander and the possible reboot followed the future ship from a timeline that never saw them return?

And this where I lose my collective shit! Ok first things first and I'm sorry to point out the obvious but can I start with fact Alicia Vikander doesn't even resemble Kate Mulgrew in any way! Then there's the fucking fact of if Paramount was going to reboot Voyager for some reason, which I highly doubt...WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU HAVE SOMEONE BESIDES KATE MULGREW PLAY KATHRYN JANEWAY!!!! I mean seriously is it an age thing, or their completely stupid thing? Because no one and I mean no one can play Janeway better or ever come close to Kate! She knows Janeway's character inside and out. I may not agree 100% with everything she believes about Janeway however no one else is basically Kathryn Janeway. Two pieces of fan art be damned it doesn't mean shit! Which if you want to see them you'll have Google them because I will not put that blasphemy on my page!! This just pisses me off, where is it coming from? When we all know Kate would be more than happy to take up the role of Janeway again and has in Star Trek Prodigy. So if they did a reboot of Voyager I have little doubt she would be willing to play Janeway in that. Also we don't need a reboot of Voyager! We got 7 season of the original with Kate Mulgrew, Jeri Ryan, Roxanne Dawson, Robbie McNeill, Robert Picardo, Tim Russ, Garrett Wang, Ethan Phillips and Robert Beltran. Go watch the original for crying out loud! What I want to see is a Janeway series like Picard got. That would be amazing to see. To see Kate reprise her role as Kathryn Janeway, have her go on new adventures and go more deeply into her character in a way they never truly did on Voyager.

[goongiveusnothing]

it's so weird to me that there are so many blogs on here who hate harry and yet they just obsess about a few of us//

I have a theory on this, based purely on my own experience:

Many blogs that are critical of/downright hateful toward harry are otherwise dedicated to someone else, usually another 1D member. I've usually seen it with Louis, but I'm a Louie so I'm biased. So those blogs can be dismissed as fans of one of the other guys who are jealous because their fave isn't as big as harry etc. It can be put down to pure jealousy, not worth talking about.

But, blogs like yours, who are full time haters (affectionate) are another story. They can't blame this on jealousy, or say you're bringing Harry down to lift one of the others up. You're telling your honest opinion of their fave and give no reason for dismissal as 'irrational'. And I think, for people who truly, really, actually adore him (ha) the criticism is too much. They think he is beyond it. But, again, they cannot dismiss it. They cannot find an easy reason why your opinion shouldn't be taken into account.

And I think that's why they obsess. They want to find that elusive reason. (And not have to actually take a look at the way Harry behaves).

Again, this is my experience, and I'm aware of very few blogs like this one. Maybe I'm way off the mark. Also, non native speaker, sorry for mistakes, etc.

they do of course have conspiracies that each of us are louies or niall fans. because it seems they simply cannot comprehend that we just aren't fans of harry and the others do not bother us, or we respect the others for just being normal people, not fucking fame obsessed nutjobs like harry.

but yes i agree! they have to follow everything we say because they know we've all sort of figured him out and undressed him so to speak. and it's not an ego thing, i don't think we're all special or really smart for seeing through him. we just point out things that seem obvious when you're not trapped in the fan bubble.

i think the funniest thing about it all is that a few years ago it was just a few of us on here mocking him or pointing out flaws about him. now you will regularly see things we say about him said by hundreds of thousands or even millions of people on twitter or elsewhere. people talking about how dumb he is, how mediocre his music is, how bad an actor he is, how he's aging like a cokehead, how badly he dresses, how desperate of a queerbaiter he is, his zionism, how badly he treats his girlfriends, how awful his entire friend group is, how terrible and empty and shallow his politics and charity are, how delusional and hateful his fanbase is, how badly he sings, how shit his production quality is. this is stuff the haters on here seem to get mad at us about, but it's like honey, we said this to 3 likes on tumblr 3 years ago and now random people can get viral tweets worth 100k just saying the same thing, and you're mad at us? this clearly shows that what we say here are things people can objectively see in the real world, so why on earth stay obsessed with us. surely this man's talent and looks are enough to keep you away from us and our 3 likes.

[chaggie-supporter]

Sunday special:

○|PT.8: DREAMT SOULS|○

I'm running through a forest. A luscious, green forest. I can immediately tell this isn't a place in hell. Its far too nice, but, it also seems familiar, like somewhere I used to know. It feels like I'm running from something. Moving past the trees and shrubbery quite fast, with the sun setting overhead.

I'm not running alone either. There's a girl, around my age, running with me. She seems quite familiar aswell, with a black hat, blond hair, and a pair of blue dungarees, a grey t-shirt under it.

She's beautiful.

Stunning, actually. Though I don't get an awful lot of time to admire this girl, as we just keep running. This is when I notice that I can't control my body. I just keep running no matter what I try to do, until eventually we stop at a cliff, beside a river, and some brilliant views of a mountain with the sun setting behind it. It's amazing. I almost recognise this place too.

After a moment of admiring the view, I realise why it's so recognisable. It's the woods I lived near on earth.

Before I can think about it much more, I look down to see the girl's arms around my chest, though, I can't feel the touch. She's.. crying? Why? She was fine just a minute ago. Is she hurt? Was it me? I try to tell her not to cry, that she's okay, but my mouth won't open, like it's glued shut. Another person, an older, middle aged looking man, emerges from the treeline, and he does not look happy. He looks furious, actually. What is going on? The girl is suddenly crying more, and before I can think about it, a knife lands, piercing my neck. I can't move or pull it out, and the last thing I see is the weeping girl.

I know why I recognise her.

I suddenly wake up back in my room in the Hazbin Hotel. It was a dream. I'm thrown back into my own harsh reality.

I'll never truly see that girl again.

I sigh, getting up and heading down the stairs, to be greeted with a certain red haired cyclops, playing with bugs.

Niffty.

"Oh, hi niffty." I call to her as I approach.

"Oh hi there! Have you come to see my show? heheheheh" she says back with a manic laugh. What?

"Uhm.. no.. no I haven't." I answer. Is she here just to play with bugs?

"Hey, niffty? Why are you here? At the hotel I mean." I ask her curiously, crouching down to her height.

"Oh! Mr. Alastor brought me and Husk here. He needs me to clean." She responds back, nonchalantly. Alastor brought them here? And they agreed?

"Well how come if you guys agreed to work here, Husk is always so miserable at his bar?" I inquire.

"Well we didn't agree- well I did, but it doesn't matter, he owns our souls!" She says, a bit too casually, as if we were talking about the weather.

"He what- he- how?" I ask, slightly dumbfounded. How does he simply own their souls?

"We each made a deal with him! Duh!" She replies, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"So you can just.. give away your soul down here? Really? Just like that?" I ask, still shocked.

"Well yeah! That's just how it is down here, hehe" she says with another cackle.

"And he can just.. make you do whatever he wants? All the time?" I ask, to which she smiles happily and nod.

"Yup! And usually, he's really nice!" She says. Why do I not believe that? She then looked around for a moment, and said, " Oh my goodness! It's still so icky in here! You should help me clean the whole place!" And before I fan protest, she whisks me away to the fireplace, where she jumps up on it to clean something above, knocking over a vase and a picture of charlie and her parents, which I both catch, just on time.

"Jeez- be careful, niffty." I scold.

"Oops! Sorry! She says back.

She starts climbing on different chairs, couches, tables, and anything else she can find that supports her weight. Everytime, knocking something over, which I managed to catch most times. I missed a small gadget, it looked like something pentious made, so I don't really care for it. After a while she stopped.

"I'm gonna go kill some bugs now. But.. you are invited to my roach puppet show later on!" She hands me a peice of paper, which has a crudely drawn drawing of a bug on it, before scurrying off. Huh. Weird. I put the peice in my pocket, before heading to my next destination: the bar.

"Husk." I, deciding to get straight to the point. "Does Alastor own your soul?"

"Yup. Don't gamble, kid." He says. That's it? No explanation, not even looking up from the bottle he was cleaning. "He owns millions. That's why he's an overlord, dumbass." Oh. Well now I feel stupid.

"That's alot." I state, not really knowing what else to say. The silence is awkward, after I heard from Charlie that I allegedly passed out after something less than a dozen drinks.

As the silence grows, I decide to get up and leave, going to my room, where I can think: why? No, how does Alastor own Husk's soul? Niffty too, but no one seems to know the first thing about her. But Husk seems smart enough. How did he let Alastor get his hands on his soul?

After a while of sitting there, maybe 10 minutes, maybe a few hours, I don't know, I get up, and head to Niffty's roach puppet show.

[ktempestbradford]

I was never a heavy Reddit user until about a year and a half ago. The pandemic got me into a bunch of stuff I'd previously ignored. After getting tired of hearing that the experience of reading this Reddit post for the information I Googled would be better in the app, I downloaded the damn app. Then I promptly followed AITA and r/Relationships because I had enjoyed the trainwrecks that had escaped into the wider internet and I was bored.

Here's what I learned.

99% of the situations you read in these and similar subs that make you think "This is too [X] to be real!" are, indeed, real. It's part of the same general problem that makes you go "How does this person not understand that they're being wronged/abused/gaslit/etc?" when reading many posts. It's all down to societal narratives.

As much as we, especially in countries considered "Western", like to think that we're on a progressive trajectory around what a healthy relationship is and how parents should treat offspring and mental health and other such important aspects of humanity and society, we're actually... not. With every progressive push forward, there's an equal (or harder) push back. And you getting the progressive message is dependent on a ton of factors from education to age to information access to financial status to family of origin and other such factors.

As much as I, an Internet Old, still have beef with Reddit about stuff that happened over 10 years ago (we won't get into the stuff from last year), one of the things I appreciate about these and similar subs is that they are places where people can come to get opinions from outside of their culture bubble and from people who have no problem firing up the keyboard to lay out in detail all the ways in which that horrible person is being horrible at you and please, gurl, run as fast as you can.

But this also results in some problems. Like not thinking what someone is posting about is real. Because, for those of us in different bubbles with access to different information or values or whatever, it seems completely ridiculous to us that a person would even end up in this situation due to the (to us) obvious red flags flying from day one.

I have also come to think that too many people don't understand how many manipulative, malicious jerks there are in the world. I know Reddit likes to toss around "narcissist" and "psychopath" and "sociopath" way too much. We don't need more armchair diagnoses on these here webs. However, you don't need to be a trained psychologist to know that some people are mean, selfish, and don't care about the feelings of others. And that can be made much worse if they're enabled by their family or friends or society or.... media narratives.

Narratives are powerful. This is why people get upset when narratives misinform or disinform us. Narratives can shape your perception of reality. They can make you think that certain things Just Don't Happen, Anymore. That certain situations Aren't Plausible.

Sorry, kids, but that's just not true.

What's good is that the people making these posts asking if they're really the asshole or if their intimate partner's actions are Just Fine or whatever are getting what they need: outside confirmation of the reality of their situation and, hopefully, some tools to cope and extricate themselves or set some healthy boundaries. It is very clear that too many people really need that.

My long winded point is to agree with the above: stop assuming the situation being presented is fake or bait or whatever. Most of the time you're wrong. And even if you're right, go along with it. It's not as if it takes that much mental energy. This is Tumblr fer chrissakes.

Beyond that, I think it's good to spend time taking these situations seriously if only because it teaches you something about our culture and society and might make you more compassionate. Think about how fortunate YOU are that you read about some situation and go: That is so outside of anything I could even imagine experiencing!

honestly, the bait accusations have kept me from sending in more asks. the first one I sent got a couple of “YTA for posting bait” when it was a real situation that happened to me. It wasn’t even a crazy situation either.

my tip is, even if it IS bait, treat it like a real situation and judge it like one.

except for the fire emblem saga. I hope they send even wilder ones in

And this is exactly why I'm frustrated with it. Unless you can prove, with concrete facts, that a post is impossible or at least highly improbable, I don't want to hear "this is bait." Be ready to support your argument with more than just vibes and assumptions or don't say it.

[pokeheros-drama]

After some deliberation I will go ahead and put into light a few reasons. I will not go into detail about certain things. This is both for my own sake, and because I respect Monarch’s privacy.

For background, I’m Lyney, obviously. I met Monarch/Shepherd over a year ago on a RP called Loosing it All. If you’ve been on the forums in the past year, you probably got annoyed by us being most active for literal months straight. I was one of the first to join, and Monarch joined later than I did, but considering she joined around page 70, on our 1k+ pages, she can be considered an OG. I forget why, like 100% I don’t know why, but somehow the joke was that we were married. One thing led to another, then BAM. We were dating.

First thing that I did wrong was agreeing to date her not as a joke. Im not good at relationships, and I thought that what I felt was romance.

For anyone, regardless of age on here, DO NOT do what I did. Online dating is never the best option. Here are the reasons, in hindsight, that should have cued me in before I snapped.

Personal information. If you ever find yourself in a situation when you are being pressured to reveal any sort of information, including name, state, town, et.c. DO NOT REVEAL. You cannot tell true intentions over the internet.

What happened was she knew what state I lived in. After some joking around in the group palpad and/or over discord call, she knew what town I lived in. I had talked about a place I volunteered at. I said how far away I lived from school timing wise. I talked about the classes I took. Through this information, she found out what school I went to. With this information, as well as a few one off photos I sent of my yard, she also was trying to find my home address.

2. Venting. Set boundaries for yourself. Do not let people treat you like a therapist.

I shouldn’t have to explain this more than I have to. She would go into my DMs regardless of the time to vent. Including during my class time. I always answered because I was scared of what she would do.

3. Clingy. If you have a friend who makes you feel like you must talk to them 24/7 or they’ll be upset, think of WHY that is.

I couldn’t take breaks without her asking if I was okay. If I wanted a day to relax and not do much, I would get DMs asking if I was okay because I wasnt as active. This is iffy in general, but bad combined with the next one.

4. Distant. You should not be the only person reaching out in any sort of relationship.

In the begining of LIA Monarch and I were practically inseparable, as we did like. EVERYTHING. Together. I was hook, line, and sucker. Later, we stopped talking as much. Or well, she did. For what felt like ages, most of our conversations were just “I love you”’s, “<3” or “kiss”, interspersed with TikTok’s I mostly sent. Even though we were “co owners” (AKA because of how close she was I let her be a co owner. But in all rights, the LIA series belongs to me, as the OG owner had passed on everything to ME.), I can safely say that I did not know about 90% of the plot line she wanted to use, despite me asking. I could also not post for upwards of 2 weeks without any sort of acknowledgement (despite one of our rules being if you’re inactive for a week without our knowledge we can ignore you basically)

5: self centered. This should be obvious. Dont have any sort of long term relationship if the person will ONLY focus on themselves.

This is a petty example, but whenever we did rp scenes, she’d always forget what we agreed to do, especially on our discord rps. We. Had it written down, but she’d always change key events.

Im too lazy to categorize so

Create an environment where I’ll get irrationally angry at the others in our group (Im really sorry again)

discussed marriage (we were both 17 at the time)

extremely different views on our future

made me believe if I ever broke up with her we would never be friends again

I left some things out. But thats a pretty… comprehensible list I think.

Before anyone comes at me, I did bring a lot of this upon myself by not following basic internet safety rules.

However, I am doing much better now. There was a weight lifted off of my shoulders

yeah um. Theres more but Imtired now and thats enough for yall

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