#and the actions and choices he makes throughout the series is telling enough so

[ruporas]

I don't know if this is a heavy question to ask- it may be. Feel free to ignore it.

But I was questioning myself if it was even an okay thing to ship Tristamp! vash x tristamp! wolfwood due to the age gap???

In the manga it was proven ww was of age (since the treatments went over a course of years) but it wasn't so clear in tristamp, especially with the whole forced growth sequence being more cut short than the manga. He may be in the body of a man but, isn't he still a child? is what I mean to ask.

At the end of the day I know they are all fictional and to block if I don't like but it still has me wondering.

I've seen a lot of people simultaneously pull "dni pedos" (which is more than okay and I agree) but then also go and ship what they ship.

I'm just genuinely confused I think. Is there something I am missing? or is he still a child in a man's body?

I don't know who else to ask, because I also know at the end of the day you're just an artist on the other end of the line. I'm sorry 😭

yeah, it's confusing because stampede never states it directly, but i'm certain that wolfwood is an adult from the brief glimpses of time shown in stampede itself and in trusting the studio themselves.

as we saw with rollo, he was experimented on for 5 years before ending up like this

and then we see him again in this same state 20 years later in episode 5. we get concrete numbers for rollo who we can estimate to be in his 20s when he dies. see here too that elendira, 20 years ago, also still looks like that, the same in the present. i'm saying all of this to dissuade any arguments that might be like "wolfwood should look older and not the same as he did in the flashback of ep 6" because there are only so many 3d models orange studio can make and design. i also think that ep 5 itself is meant to exemplify the quick years that can go by when in reference to a flashback.

the mention of wolfwood aging "in just a few months" shouldn't be an indicator of his age because narrative-wise, they only brought that up to emphasize him being a s+ grade and unique and to highlight how much he's suffered in just a short period of time. wolfwood's flashback is put together in one(1) episode, much of it is used to highlight the bond between him and livio in their childhood because that's the point of his arc. because of that, any scenes that shows him working under the eye of michael are all cut because it isn't important at this time of the show. there's a huge time gap missing in wolfwood's history because studio orange chose specific years to give weight to the arc they wanted to present to us first.

this is like the only scene we get of him doing his job under the eom, at the beginning of ep 6

and him here is different from how he is here.

so from the show itself, i think those are the obvious points that suggests wolfwood is not Still 10 years old when he gets sent to retrieve vash.

in reference to my second point of believing in the studio -- because they heavily based stampede off of maximum, i find it Hard to believe they'd randomly make wolfwood a minor because it genuinely serves no benefit to his story to make that change. there would be less weight to his bond with vash because wolfwood has always been the character to challenge vash, they're meant to be equals. much of maximum and 98, Even Badlands Rumble, play up the significance of vash and wolfwood's relationship and how the two can argue and depend on each other as people with similar life experiences. orange studio pour love into stampede and respects nightow and his craft and as a result, i think they'd keep vash and wolfwood on the same level in this adaption too.

all and all, they're both adults in previous versions and they're both adults in this version. final phase will probably give room for more of wolfwood's past experiences now that we know most of vash's story, maybe that would resolve any confusion.

hope that helps!

[longing-for-rain]

Katara and Mutuality in Relationships

There are lots of conflicting opinions about which characters Katara felt attraction towards, which characters she didn’t, and how long she felt that attraction. I see in most cases, people point to quick clips of her faintly blushing or kissing another character on the cheek as evidence, but I think these kind of takes miss the nuance of the purpose attraction serves in a story.

Most importantly, I see these characters treated as if they are actually people capable of making their own decisions. It’s important to remember that these are fictional characters. They don’t make their own choices; the writers make their choices for them for the purpose of telling a story. From that standpoint, it’s more valuable to examine how a character’s story and narrative themes tie into their relationships with other characters. Animators can shove in a kiss or a blush wherever they want, but it’s harder to demonstrate through storytelling how and why two characters might feel attraction towards one another, and how a relationship between them would develop both characters and contribute to the overarching themes of the story.

In other words, when discussing which characters Katara is “attracted” to, I’m discussing which relationships and actions within the narrative build on her established story and arc. Romance is always integrated into a story for a reason, and considering that reason is important.

Unfortunately, ATLA is very much a product of its time in this way. It’s easy to see what romance adds to the arcs of the male characters—but not so much with the female characters. All three canon relationships (kataang, sukka, and maiko) follow this trend to some degree. The primary purpose of the woman in this narrative is to act as a prize for the man for performing some good deed. Once they’re together, she ceases having her own motivations and becomes an extension of the male character she’s dating. This is pretty blatant with Suki—she barely had a personality in that later seasons; she is there to be Sokka’s girlfriend. Similarly, Katara becomes a completely different character—she’s even animated differently—when the narrative pushes her into romantic scenes with Aang. Her character is flattened.

So what is Katara’s arc, and how do the romantic interactions she has throughout the series contribute to this?

Well, that could be a whole other essay itself, but to put it simply, Katara’s arc is one of a young girl devastated by grief at a young age clinging to hope that she has the power to fight and change the world for the better. Which she does as she gains power and confidence throughout the series—culminating in her defeating Azula in the finale.

But the part I want to focus on here is how Katara connects with other characters. She connects with them over shared experiences of grief and loss.

Take Haru, for instance.

Haru: After the attack, they rounded up my father and every other earthbender, and took them away. We haven't seen them since.

Katara: So that's why you hide your earthbending.

Haru: Yeah. Problem is…the only way I can feel close to my father now is when I practice my bending. He taught me everything I know.

Katara: See this necklace? My mother gave it to me.

Haru: It’s beautiful.

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

Haru: It’s not enough, is it?

Katara: No.

This isn’t just a throwaway moment; it’s an important character moment that leads up to growth and the progression of Katara’s overall story, both in this individual episode and in the whole series.

Katara finds her power in the connections she’s able to make with other characters. It’s a powerful driving force for her that makes her a strong character even before her bending abilities develop. Imprisoned was such an important episode to establish who Katara is and what her power is, and adds so much to her arc.

But there is one line in particular from the above exchange that also stands out: Haru says “it’s not enough, is it?” and Katara agrees. Even this early in the series, we’re establishing the fact that despite her drive and hopeful outlook, Katara feels deeply hurt, she feels a deep sense of loss that she opens up about to other characters in moments like these. But unlike Haru…Katara can’t go rescue her mother. Her mother is dead, and we see her grapple with that grief throughout the series.

Another character she reaches out to like this is Jet.

Jet: Longshot over there? His town got burned down by the Fire Nation. And we found The Duke trying to steal our food. I don't think he ever really had a home.

Katara: What about you?

Jet: The Fire Nation killed my parents. I was only eight years old. That day changed me forever.

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

Jet: I’m so sorry, Katara.

Another important note about Jet is that there are explicit romantic feelings from Katara in this episode. Again, Katara empathizes with another character through a shared sense of loss. Sadly, in this case, Jet manipulated her feelings and tricked her into helping in his plot to flood the village…but those feelings were undeniably there.

That was the tragedy in this episode, but it also gives the audience so much information about Katara as a character: what motivates her, and what she wants. Katara is established as a character who wants someone who will connect with her and empathize with her over her loss—her greatest sense of trauma. She wants to help others but also receive support in return. The reason why she was smitten with Jet, beyond just initial attraction, is because he gave her a sense of that before Katara realized his true motivations.

A lot of people make the claim that Aang is good for Katara because he also feels a sense of great loss and trauma. And while on paper that’s true…does he really demonstrate that? I just gave two examples of characters Katara connected with this way, and both responded with deep empathy to what she said. Very early on in the show—the third episode—Katara attempts to connect with Aang the same way. How does he respond?

Katara: Aang, before we get to the temple, I want to talk to you about the airbenders.

Aang: What about 'em?

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

Aang: Just because no one has seen an airbender, doesn't mean the Fire Nation killed them all. They probably escaped!

Just compare this exchange to Haru and Jet. No effort to empathize, not even a “sorry for your loss” or anything. It’s a stark contrast, and the reason for that is because this narrative entirely centers Aang. Katara’s narrative always seems to be secondary to his when they’re together—which is exactly my point when I say this relationship has a fundamental lack of mutuality. It’s built that way from the beginning of the series. It does not add to Katara’s arc nor establish what about this dynamic would attract her.

And, look, before someone jumps down my throat about this…I’m not saying Aang is a horrible person for this response. I think it’s a sign that he’s immature and has a fundamentally different approach to problems than Katara. Katara is a character who has been forced to take on responsibilities beyond her years due to being a child of a war-torn world. Aang’s approach to problems is avoidance while Katara never had that luxury. It doesn’t mesh well.

This is all in Book 1. I honestly could have gotten on board with Kataang if the series meaningfully addressed these issues…but it didn’t. In fact, they actually got worse in some ways.

Back to Katara’s mother. We’ve established that this is a core part of Katara’s character and like in the scene with Haru, she indicates that this is an unresolved issue that pains her. But then, in Book 3, Katara actually does get a chance to confront this pain.

This would have been a powerful moment. Surely the character who is meant to be her partner, her equal, would have been there for her. Surely he would have understood and supported her, fulfilling her narrative and adding to her story.

But Aang didn’t do that. I won’t go into details because there are a million analyses out there on The Southern Raiders, but Aang’s response to Katara was the opposite of understanding. He got angry with her, insinuated that she was a monster for wanting revenge, and tried to dictate her behavior according to his own moral values. And importantly, from a narrative standpoint, he did not go with Katara. One of the most important events in her arc, and Aang didn’t support her—he actually tried stopping her. He didn’t contribute to her growth and development.

Also noteworthy:

Katara: But I didn’t forgive him. I’ll never forgive him.

Even at the end of the episode, Aang clearly doesn’t understand at all what Katara is feeling. This line demonstrates it perfectly. He thinks she forgave him when that wasn’t the case at all…but of course, he didn’t even accompany her, so he didn’t see what actually took place. His worldview is fundamentally different from hers, and he’s consistently too rigid in his morality and immature to center Katara’s feelings.

Throughout Katara’s whole arc, her most significant character moments, Aang’s character just doesn’t come through the way Katara’s constantly does for him. Their narrative lacks mutuality. When Katara and Aang are together, she becomes an accessory to him. The ending scene is a perfect demonstration of this.

Now, to address the elephant in the room.

Which character does actually add to Katara’s narrative and support her growth as a character?

Correct! I just talked about how important The Southern Raiders is to Katara’s character and story, how it’s a chance for her to finally address the grief she’s been carrying since Book 1. And who stood by her side throughout this pivotal moment? Right—Zuko did.

You can talk all you want about how he’s a “colonizer” while Aang’s people suffered genocide, but you’re forgetting that “show, don’t tell” is one of the most basic aspects of storytelling. The fact is, despite how it looks on paper, Zuko was the one there for Katara at her critical moments. Zuko empathized with Katara more than Aang ever did—as demonstrated in this episode. Zuko never once brought up his own cultural values. Zuko never once told Katara what to do. Zuko’s position was that Katara should be the one to decide, and that he would support any choice she made. He supported her decision to spare Yon Rha, but he would have also supported her if she decided to kill him. I actually found this episode to be a satisfying reversal to what is typically seen in TV—for once, the female character is centered while her male counterpart takes the backseat and becomes a supporting role to her narrative.

Even before this, Zuko is shown to empathize with Katara.

Zuko: I’m sorry. That’s something we have in common.

I think what gets me about this scene is the fact that he’s still Katara’s enemy, and she was just yelling about how she hates him and his people. But despite that, Zuko still empathizes with Katara. She is fundamentally human to him, and he expresses that to her in a way that allows them to connect. Zuko stands to gain nothing from this. It’s true that Azula entered the picture and twisted things around—but in this moment, Zuko’s compassion is genuine. His instinct was to respond to her grief with empathy, just like she consistently does for other characters.

And finally, how else does Zuko add to Katara’s arc?

I don’t think there is any more perfect of an example than the finale itself—the culmination of the arcs and development of all characters.

Zuko and Katara fight together. In a heartbeat, Zuko asks Katara to fight by his side against Azula, because he trusts her strength. She’s his equal—both in his mind, and in a narrative sense.

Then, this:

Both of their roles are so critical in this fight. They both save each other. The scene has such raw emotion to it. These characters were together at the conclusion of their respective arcs for a reason.

This is the perfect conclusion to Katara’s arc. She just played a critical role in ending the war that has caused her trauma her whole life. She just demonstrated her mastery of waterbending (another thing she’s dreamed of throughout the series) by defeating the world’s most powerful firebender during Sozin’s Comet. Even though she had help as all characters do, these are victories that belong to her and demonstrate the growth and power of her character. And to top it all off? She was able to save Zuko’s life. She didn’t have to endure the pain of feeling helpless to do anything while someone else died for her; this time, she had an active role, she changed her fate, and she prevailed. Zuko plays an important role in Katara’s story without dominating it. They perfectly represent mutuality. They add to each other’s stories. Their narratives become stronger when they’re together, without one diminishing or sidelining the other.

So, from that standpoint, that’s why I always see the attraction between Zuko and Katara and why I see it lacking between Aang and Katara. Zuko and Katara’s story doesn’t need some cheap little throwaway moments to shine. It’s integral to both characters’ stories. We are shown not told of the way these characters feel about each other. Given everything we know about Katara, her goals, her values, her past loves…absolutely everything points to Zuko being the true subject of her feelings.

Because let’s be honest. The ending I just described is so much more powerful and so much more Katara than seeing her being relegated back to a doe-eyed love interest for Aang to kiss. It hardly even made sense—Katara played no role at all at the culmination of Aang’s arc. She was relegated back to a love interest, rather than the powerful figure we saw fight alongside Zuko.

[yinwaryuri]

It's easy to complain about how MSP left any address toward homophobia to the last episode and it remained fairly mild but I really wanted to point out what things about it were incredibly significant.

They could have kept it like Bad Buddy where it was a universe where it didn't really exist or just wasn't mentioned. They could have totally done that. I wouldn't have blamed them for that choice either, considering the tone of the series remaining so lighthearted throughout. Homophobia is more than just a serious issue - it can have dangerous implications. The closest this show wanted to get with danger was Gun's mom needing surgery, so before watching the episode I was really curious about how they would handle it.

Starting from the beginning of the episode and seeing the contrast between Gun telling his mom about Tinn, and Tinn's mom seeing how scared her son is and deciding not to ask. Gun has such a wonderful relationship with his mother. She's all he has for family and they have come to love and depend on each other so much, and the show has given us enough clues to the way she thinks that her supporting her son without issue was no surprise. Tinn's mother has been set up to appear that she feels differently, but it all boils down to her worrying for him rather than about him. Tinn gets his supportive, protective way of loving from her (which is the sweetest thing to me, considering their relationship isn't as strong). All she wants is for him to go through life without having to jump over hurdles for his happiness. Considering the privileges he's had as her son, it troubles her that he felt any reason to hide his true relationship with Gun and only wants to assure him that he could have come to her about it earlier. She sees his fear and rightly decides to let him come forward when he chooses.

The deal with the photo outing them and how all that goes down was interesting. It goes without saying, whoever took the picture had no business posting about them and it's unfortunate they never get found and reprimanded for their actions. What I loved was how the show chose to demonstrate how attitudes have really changed among younger generations. The whole conversations about "no one cares!" and "I think we were too afraid in the beginning," were really great points to make. The more exposure the younger generations have had to queer identities through media and people being open about them in real life, the more freedoms we have gained. Sometimes letting fear hold you back can suffocate you. Being outed is awful, but showing that you can not be a jackass about it is important. Also, don't go after my boy Gun for trying to give them a cover story, because this was the one circumstance where he saw Tinn being more at risk than him and he acted the way he thought Tinn would for him. It ended up not really mattering anyway, because people supported them and Tinn understood that's what Gun was trying to do.

And then we got the few bad opinions from the older generation. From a teacher they had all previously respected! Because unfortunately, disappointingly, that is so incredibly common. Even his way of trying to explain "oh I don't actually hate you guys I just don't take you seriously," was so important to include. Homophobes will try to twist their ideas into something that's less than the hateful bullshit it is and out themselves being as reductive as they truly are. Of course, it got escalated for the sake of run time and getting the issue dealt with immediately. Thank you Kajorn for having a pretty awesome come to jesus gay moment.

Finally, my favorite part!! Tinn's mom not only making it clear she's okay with his relationship but explaining just how offensive his teacher had actually been. I really thought her position as the school principal would remain as a wedge between her and Tinn because it was treated that way for so long. I didn't expect it to have any more use than that. But having an authority figure of a school openly call out their colleague and show support for her students meant so much to me! Reminder: this story sets out to say that teen's experiences are not trivial and they're people with hopes and dreams and struggles and have much less say in their daily lives. Adults stepping up and supporting children is so necessary. Adults stepping up and protecting queer children is a desperate need. Any other school principal doing less than that is unworthy of their job. And it goes without saying that being his mother and being so openly supportive before he's even had a chance to ask her is just the cherry on top.

The homophobia arc wasn't for everyone but it had intent and purpose and it executed it just right for me. It said "yeah we know it's there but it's horseshit tbh so we're having our boys sing to each other on stage knowing the most important people in their lives have their back." And then they got to say "I love you" and share their first kiss in the privacy they deserved.

[ratmakesfanart]

We know that in good omens EVERYTHING is for a reason. Every prop is carefully picked out and placed, every action has importance to it, and every line is so significant that fans could write 2 seasons worth of analysis based on a few words from the show (cough cough nudge nudge). But there is one line from the final episode that has been often questioned (and cried to) by the community; those words being the horrific and heartbreaking, "I forgive you." So let's talk about it.

There is a lot that we need to unpack in order to understand the meaning behind those 3 words. First, let's look into Aziraphale's mindset. We can see throughout both seasons the struggle Aziraphale has with black-and-white thinking. How hesitant he is to work with or complete favors for Crowley because his "side wouldn't like that." In season 2's flashback with Wee Morag we see him conflicted between what was morally right and what was morally wrong when it came to the grave robbing. His thought process was and always has been good versus bad, right versus wrong, heaven versus hell. Of course, throughout the series he has shown improvement - with the help of Crowley - seeing and treading on that gray line. But the moment before the kiss we know he has regressed back into that black-and-white way of thinking due to the statement "obviously you said no to hell, you're the bad guys" and "heaven... well it's the side of truth, of light, of good."

Aziraphale believes in heaven, believes in what heaven stands for. But we also know that Aziraphale doesn't believe heaven is living up to its name nor its potential due to his consistent doubting of heaven's execution of God's plan. He doesn't think heaven is what it's supposed to be. And that brings us to the next point: Aziraphale's choice.

When we get the flashback to the conversation Aziraphale has with the Metatron, he originally says "I don't want to go back to heaven." Aziraphale wasn't on board until the Metatron mentioned how he could return Crowley back to his angelic status. This tells us that Aziraphale doesn't want to go to heaven for power, but instead so he can fix what he considers heaven's biggest mistake: casting out Crowley. He doesn't want to fix Crowley, he wants to fix heaven. He wants to make it a better place, a place that deserves to be called the side of truth, light, and good. Not for himself, but for the greater good. For Crowley. But Crowley didn't understand that. Which leads us to the final point: the kiss.

Before the kiss, Crowley heard that Aziraphale wanted to return to heaven and turn Crowley back into an angel. After decades and decades of trying to show Aziraphale that there was more to life than heaven versus hell, Crowley was indirectly slapped in the face when Aziraphale told him that he along with hell were "the bad guys." He tried to help Aziraphale realize that heaven is just as cruel as hell, but the attempts of reasoning were pointless. Crowley in that moment felt not only betrayed, but also helpless as Aziraphale showed no sign of changing his mind. In a final effort to convince him to stay, Crowley confessed his feelings for Aziraphale. But it still wasn't enough to change his mind. Finally, Crowley kissed Azriaphale... but this wasn't because he wanted to show how much he loved Aziraphale. No, this kiss was angry. Crowley knew he wasn't going to be able to change Aziraphale's mind, and overcome with emotion, he showed Aziraphale everything he was saying goodbye to. And Aziraphale understood it.

Aziraphale felt the anger and understood the message Crowley was telling him. And it hurt. Aziraphale, the angel who ate an entire ox after getting just a taste of that hunger, was shown a path with an entirely new level of desire he hadn't known he was longing for. Aziraphale wanted to hate it but he couldn't. He wanted to hate Crowley for it but he couldn't. In his mind, the right thing to do was to go to heaven, that was the right choice. But he was betrayed by Crowley's temptation of a life he knew he would always desire but wouldn't be able to choose.

Crowley hurt Aziraphale as well.

And with his decision unmoved, he met Crowley's eyes, and forgave him for it.

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

I am once again talking about morals and philosophy and such in the Trigun animes.

So, there’s a normative ethical theory called ethics of care that essentially prioritizes helping as much as you can wherever you can. The best illustration of it I’ve seen of it is the starfish story, which very basically involves a man walking on the beach at low tide and seeing a boy throwing starfish back into the water. He confronts him and tells him it’s pointless to do so because there are so many starfish on the shore. It won’t make a difference. And the boy picks up another starfish, throws it into the water, and says “it made a difference to that one.”

This is Vash. Vash has spent 150 or so years throwing as many starfish as he can reach back into the water. He cannot save everyone, but he will still try.

This is, at least to Vash (and I’ll mostly take his word for it since she did die trying to save everyone), what Rem believed as well. Rem is, in a lot of ways, Vash’s moral authority.

Vash performs a lot of moral goods throughout the series. He is often punished for them, especially the ones that are not social goods.

Is Vash saving someone like Father Nebraska or Gosef in Tristamp episode 2 a social good? Definitely not. But is it moral good? Well, that’s where it gets tricky because to Vash it’s obviously the moral choice. It’s the only course of action he can imagine taking.

However, Vash saving the townspeople that held him at gunpoint to get his bounty from the Nebraska family in Tri98 ep13 is both a moral and social good.

But what about Vash asking “it would be wrong to shoot him, right?” after Monev the Gale kills all those people in Tri98 ep12. Vash can’t save those people, but he didn’t kill them either. How culpable for their deaths is he? Monev is there, in that place, to kill him. He killed those people in pursuit of Vash. Does Vash hold any responsibility for this? Or for Brad’s death? The others on the ship? What about the Gung-Ho-Guns that Wolfwood kills to keep him safe?

This is just a trolley problem. There are innocent civilians tied to one track. The Gung-Ho-Guns are on the other. Vash has to decide if he’s going to pull the lever or not. But Vash takes a very Kantian approach: any choice here is immoral. Inaction condemns someone as does action. You killed them either way. Nevermind that there are innocent people being subjected to this against their will on one track and assassins on the other. Killing anyone is immoral. You will always be in the wrong here.

Ignore the fact that the trolley problem is inherently flawed. That the blame actually lies on the person who tied the civilians to the track. Who sent assassins after you. Everyone is here because of Knives.

Vash will still feel guilty though. Would killing Monev the Gale alleviate that? Would his death be justice? Who gets to decide that? Monev acts with the social authority of the Eye (and Knives) behind him. He’s functionally immune from the traditional justice system. Might makes right, y’know?

Wolfwood killing Monev the Gale in Tristamp is a mercy kill. They’ve suffered similar things, Wolfwood came out with his sanity mostly intact and Rollo…didn’t. And everyone Rollo loved is dead and even if it isn’t his fault he would have had to live with that. So, is Wolfwood killing him a moral good? It doesn’t have the sanctioning to be an ethical one, and there is no community left for whom it could be a social good. It’s just Rollo. Just Monev the Gale. And no more suffering.

How much of your moral judgement is just what you can stomach?

Wolfwood kills his guardian when he is seven years old. He is then trained by Chapel for ten years. It’s difficult for him to imagine other solutions, much less actualize them. He dies for Vash’s morals, but they’re more than he can stomach at times.

And the fear of losing Meryl and Milly and all those random, hapless bystanders is enough to compel Vash to kill Legato. He wants another solution, but can’t think of one. Not with so many lives on the line. So many already lost. And he lives with the guilt of it. But Legato was never going to stop. Not unless someone killed him. Even if Vash had killed himself instead there’s no guarantee that Legato would have spared his captives because life holds no value to him.

[jahayla-parker]

King Of My Heart : Nikolai Lantsov x Reader Series

Part 6

For warnings, descriptions, and previous parts, see series masterlist here.

Recap: Nikolai felt the vise on his chest tighten throughout y/n’s statements. The remorse-fueled vise continued is hellacious assault on him until he felt as if all the oxygen left his body and his lungs imploded. He mandated himself to take an emphysematous breath. “N-no,” Nikolai spoke in a strained manner. “It… No, that’s not what I… just… let me explain,” he blathered. “Please,” the Prince added beseechingly.

As if trying to emphasize his wish to plead his case, Nikolai securely clutched y/n’s fiddling hands in his steady ones. He tilted his head in a variety of directions as he attempted to catch even a tiny corner of her gaze. His eyes still unable to meet the Princess’s, Nikolai sighed defeatedly but kept his hold on her insanely delicate hands. “I… I only hated you because you suddenly started to treat me like I was an astronomical annoyance,” he began. After all, it was true; Nikolai could now remember that he hadn’t always hated y/n. In fact, her retelling of the incident from before their rivalry began brought forth his long-forgotten memories of the emotions he had surrounding his actions that day.

“You were,” y/n declared, raising a taunting brow at Nikolai as she finally turned her head in his direction. Her eyes scrutinized his as she tried to interpret his underlying motivations.

Nikolai’s chest fluttered and he laughed softly with a few nods. “I can understand why you felt the way you did, and why you thought that I…” he took a nervous breath. “L-look…,” Nikolai softly cleared his throat, “I didn’t mean to knock you down that day”. He wasn’t sure if y/n would believe his sudden honesty. But, he had truly only hated her because of how she was so rude to him after that day. He had never realized it was because of his own actions. It turns out he’d driven his fears into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The sincere cause behind Nikolai’s own -evidently misunderstood by y/n- actions that day made the situation between them even worse.

“Nikolai-“ y/n whispered airily as she pulled her hands back. She didn’t want to hear his excuses or lies. She’d watched him knock her down and then laugh. This wasn’t some misunderstanding or her reading into it too much as he was seemingly trying to claim. Not to mention, he was talking very uncharacteristically right now; his normal cockiness and arrogance were nowhere to be found. So, surely this was a trick, right? One he just really wanted her to believe so her ignorance and stupidity would be even more hilarious to him.

“I didn’t. I…” Nikolai choked. He shook his head before hanging it glumly. When he looked back up at y/n, he could see the doubt and pain floating in her y/c/e eyes. Nikolai didn’t want to make the situation worse by continuing to try and explain why the motives of his behaviors had been mistaken. It was clear she wasn’t believing him, so trying to prove himself sincere would likely only add to her frustrations.

Y/n studied Nikolai’s body language, easily able to tell he was hiding something. They had known each other for far too long now for her to not sense something was going on that he wasn’t actually saying or showing yet. While part of her was intrigued to try and find out what secret detail he was hiding from her, she didn’t care enough to actually ask. It wouldn’t fix things anyways. “Doesn’t matter,” y/n responded simply. “It’s not just about that. I didn’t just hate your actions, I-“.

“Hate me,” Nikolai answered for y/n, “I know”. He rubbed the back of his tense neck muscles. “But…, let’s make this whole arrangement somewhat less miserable and just pretend we addressed it and moved on,” he suggested. Nikolai knew it was a poor choice of words, but he hadn’t expected tonight to be going this way.

“Sure,” y/n scoffed. “Whatever you want, as always, moi tsarevich,” she responded with fake professionalism. She spared Nikolai a brief glance as she smoothed her gown and walked away.

“Saints!” Nikolai exclaimed, his left hand tugging on his hair. “You’re infuriating!” He shouted after y/n. Nikolai stood there feeling both frustrated and guilty over the ordeal. If he’d handled the incident better years ago, things could’ve been much different between them by now.

Was it too late to fix it now? Did he want to fix it? If he did, to what extent? Did he want things to go back to how they were before the accident? Did he want things to go the way he’d hoped things would’ve had the accident not happened?

“Oh, foolish Nikolai nothing,” Vasily taunted Nikolai, his eyes glowing mischievously. He smirked as his younger brother flinched at the abusive nickname.

Nikolai looked down at his attire. To appease his mother, Nikolai had seen to it that he was dressed in what he personally felt was a far too extravagant suit to greet their guests. He wasn’t opposed to dressing nicely, but he felt silly. He knew the outfit was expensive and proper attire for the occasion, but it was stiff and itchy. Overall, he didn’t like it. He felt like an overly decorated doll and the fabric made his skin crawl.

However, it wasn’t Nikolai’s outfit that had Vasily taunting him this early into the day. Instead, the older Prince had seen the way Nikolai was searching through the arrivals; clearly in search of a particular person. It didn’t even matter who it was, Vasily found the notion absurd, after all, it was Vasily who was the crown prince. It was Vasily who would the guests wanted to see, not Nikolai. So the nervousness on his little brother’s face was beyond humorous to Vasily. “It’s never going to happen, sobachka,” he smirked, leaving Nikolai without another word.

Nikolai sighed and ran his hand down his face. This was so not how young Nikolai would have envisioned things going. Yet, here they were. Y/n hated Nikolai and Nikolai hated her. Or, so he’d thought. He actually just hated the way she treated him. But now, he knew why she had treated him like that. It was a huge mistake and a great misunderstanding. Even if he couldn’t undo the damage that had been done, Nikolai could at least properly apologize by explaining his mistake.

On his way back inside the palace, Nikolai physically bumped into someone. His eyes snapped to the woman he’d run into while his mind was distracted, quickly finding some relief in that it was Nina and not a guest he had to keep up an appearance for. Nikolai apologized nonetheless before he went to sidestep her on his way to find y/n. He sighed when Nina placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him from moving further into the room. “I need to talk to-“ Nikolai began.

Nina gave Nikolai a sympathetic look but shook her head lightly. “Take it easy,” she whispered, fanning herself with a hand fan to hide the conversation from anyone looking. “Y/n is having a hard time adjusting,” Nina pointed out with a frown tugging at her plump lips. She ignored the implications of the way his heart reacted to such information in order to continue her advice. “Even if you don’t care about -or for- her, it would favor you, and Ravka, in the long run, to ensure she can get better adjusted.”

Nikolai fought the urge to frown and even scowl over Nina’s words, implications, and unexpected update into y/n’s situation. “If I wanted to do that,” he muttered to cover up his confusing emotions on the matter. “How would one even do that?”

Nikolai was uncertain as to his current feelings regarding the Princess. But he knew Nina was right. He also knew he needed to do something to keep y/n’s hatred from growing if they were going to be forced to spend their lives together.

“Let her skip that horrendously dull trade meeting,” Nina proposed with a twinkle in her eye. Upon seeing Nikolai’s confusion, she sighed. “She needs some personal time to recuperate,” she explained vaguely.

Nikolai fought against the upwards-pulling sensation in his right eyebrow. Was that what was going on? Given everything he knew now and what he’d caught her doing before, the Prince suspected the personal time would actually be time for y/n to utilize the dance studio. Thinking about it, as far as Nikolai knew, she hadn’t used it since the last time he’d seen her there. Perhaps that’s what was putting her in a slightly more irritable mood.

Nikolai’s brain returned to the present when his eyes noticed Nina staring at him with a smirk on her face. “Not a word, Zenik,” he warned lightly with a shake of his head. When she responded with a soft faux-innocent “what?”, Nikolai gave her a knowing glance. “You know what,” he sighed, “respectfully, now truly isn’t the time for your far-fetched matchmaking ideologies”. “As far as the meeting goes, I’ll see what can be done,” Nikolai concluded formally before stepping away.

It didn’t take much time for Nikolai to use his powers of charm and persuasion to convince the panel that the next several meetings would need to take place without the Princess. They questioned the reasoning of course, but the Prince used his position and title to not provide one. Nikolai might not be his brother Vasily, heir to the throne, the crown prince, but he was still a Prince in his own right. Even if he was a bastard one. He might as well enjoy some of the benefits. Especially if it meant fewer eyes looking at his situation with the Princess.

Nikolai found himself venturing to y/n’s assigned chambers. He wanted to let her know that he had successfully arranged for her to skip the meeting for the time being. He pushed down the nervous energy he felt buzzing inside of him, telling himself he’d contemplate its existence at another time. He raised his fist and knocked lightly on her bedroom door. Upon not getting any kind of response, Nikolai sighed and knocked louder. Was she truly this furious with him tonight? How did she even know it was him knocking?

Before Nikolai could embarrass himself a third time, one of the castle’s guards seemed to notice the Prince’s situation.

“I’m afraid Princess y/l/n is not in her chambers at the moment, Sir,” the guard informed Nikolai.

Nikolai straightened his back and nodded in appreciation. He turned away and slowly made his way down the hall. He wasn’t sure where he was going. He knew it was probably best to just go to his own bedroom for the night and simply inform y/n tomorrow morning. But, something was keeping him from doing that. Instead, he blindly searched the halls in an attempt to find where y/n had gone to so late. Just as Nikolai made it to the abandoned office, having remembered the reason he arranged for her to skip the meeting in the first place, his staff pointed towards the cracked door. Clearly, his search for y/n wasn’t as subtle as he’d thought. He just hoped his cheeks didn’t turn red with the warm rush he felt over having been caught.

Nikolai ignored these worries and cautiously walked to the door, trying to avoid any creaky tiles. The left corner of his lips twitched as he peeked into the room. This time he wasn’t too late to watch y/n.

Nikolai watched as y/n stood with her left foot resting beside her right knee with her arms circled out in front of her. His eyebrows were raised as he watched how effortless she made it seem as she balanced on the tippy toes of her right foot without swaying at all. His curious eyes caught a glimpse of the content expression on her face, a faint smile unconsciously appearing on his lips.

The Prince stood silently in the doorway as y/n danced elegantly. He gawked as she leapt into the air, her stocking-covered legs stretched out in the air. As her feet landed back on the wooden floor, he noticed there was no music playing. Nikolai considered mentioning he could surely conjure up something out someone to play for her. But, he selfishly didn’t want to risk her stopping. Nor did he want to interfere with her personal time. That didn’t mean he was able to pry himself away from the door though.

Nikolai tried to ignore the way his heart was racing for an unknown reason as he continued to lean against the doorframe. Other than the section blocked by the wooden frame of the doorway, his body was open towards y/n as he observed her dancing. His head was slightly bent forward just slightly past the entryway. Despite the fact that he was supported by the structure and not doing anything needing endurance, Nikolai found himself slightly out of breath and dry mouthed.

Nikolai couldn’t help but gape as he became even more astonished. For now, y/n had leaped and landed on one foot before she spun on the tippy toes of that foot. Her balance was unbelievably impressive. As was her ability to elegantly launch herself into the air and land daintily.

A lump formed in Nikolai’s throat as he watched the Princess twirl around in circles. The moonlight cascading in from the windows graced her skin, emphasizing her features. Her twirling had resulted in her hair swaying with the motion, the moonlight causing it to glow. The lump in Nikolai’s throat was accompanied by a fluttering sensation in his stomach.

Nikolai peeled himself off the wall as he tried to get himself to leave. He needed to get out of here. The scene before him was too much. Nikolai didn’t know what exactly he was feeling, but it was too much. Well actually if being truthful, he suspected he knew what he was feeling but he didn’t want to admit it. He clearly needed to get some rest. After all, he didn’t have these toes of feelings for anyone, certainly not for y/n. At least not now. Not anymore. right?

As y/n spun on her toes for what felt like an eternity, Nikolai noticed the serene look in her y/e/c eyes and he had to grip the doorframe to keep his balance. Once he’d steadied himself, he used the wooden frame as support as he pulled himself around their outside corners. He rested the back of his head against the wall as he tried to catch his breath. However, he realized he might be seen, so he quickly put on a fake front and made his way to his chambers for the night. The whole way, he found himself having to resist the temptation to turn back and resume watching y/n as she danced.

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[jarlsthegreat]

I Don't Care for Xavier Thorpe

I put off watching the Wednesday show for a while, long enough that I had already had the entire thing spoiled for me when I actually sat down to watch it. This isn't an uncommon occurrence for me, I watch content knowing what is going to happen all the time and it never dampens my enjoyment of the thing. However, I feel that in this instance that I may have come to hate Xavier so much as a character because I went in knowing he wasn't the Hyde.

Watching through the season it struck me that unlike other characters like Tyler, Bianca or Miss Thornhill, knowing how Xavier ended the series kind of left me with nothing to enjoy about him. All of those other characters can still be enjoyed as characters on rewatch of the show, but Xavier is kind of empty. We don't really know much about him in episode 6 that we didn't know in episode 1. The only things of note that I can think of are his prophetic dreams, his strained relationship with his father and his history with Tyler. But, all of these things that we learn are so surface level, his dreams are on the same level as his power to bring his drawings to life since it doesn't really feed into anything else about his character, we only have a few offhand comments about his father and we don't even get to hear him explain what happened with Tyler, it's just vaguely exposited by Wednesday later with no emotion or detail. It just seems like every chance they had to make me latch onto Xavier as a character was cut off at the knees. And with the way he acted throughout the season he really needed a moment like the one with Bianca and her mother or her reaching out to Lucas. If Xavier had a scene where he got to fully express the hurt his father caused him or if he actually got to tell the story of being attacked on Outreach Day onscreen, I wouldn't be writing this post.

Moving on, the way Xavier acted throughout this season just rubbed me the wrong way. I can enjoy mean characters, I can enjoy fantastically evil characters, I can enjoy tragic characters that make all the wrong choices, but I cannot STAND characters that I am supposed to view as morally upstanding being mundanely horrible and never being challenged on it. 

Xavier has a few good scenes throughout the season, namely his introduction scene when he's talking to Wednesday, him explaining physic powers and the scene where he attempts to help Wednesday in the fight against Crackstone episode 8 (despite him failing horribly). But the majority of the rest of his scenes just make me angry. It started out in episode 1 when he came up to Wednesday during the carnival. During this scene he makes it clear that he knows Wednesday wants him to leave but he doesn't. 

The times when Xavier warned Wednesday to stay away from Tyler before he revealed his history with him annoyed me personally because I have been in his situation, and I just couldn't stop thinking "Just tell her" Every time he just repeats that Tyler's trouble without elaborating. If you know someone is trouble and you have already told the person to stay away from them, you have to either accept that it's their life or tell them the reason why. Granted, Xavier does eventually give Wednesday an actual reason to stay away from Tyler, but it doesn't make the previous scenes of him being unjustifiably pissy at Wednesday any less aggravating.

His treatment of Bianca is a whole other can of worms, the fact that he previously berated her for using her powers to manipulate him before having the audacity to ask her to make him forget Wednesday. He has to know on some level how Bianca feels about her siren song so these two actions are just so insensitive towards her. And Bianca is a character that I actually like a lot so this knocks a ton of points off of Xavier in my book.

Then there's the scene where Xavier tells Wednesday that he has believed her from the beginning. This scene has already been picked apart, so I'll be brief. It is so obviously gaslighting that I legitimately thought "this line feels like it should be coming from Tyler as a manipulation tactic when Wednesday wises up to him" like I could actually see Tyler using that exact line on Wednesday when she had him tied up. Moving on.

The final scene that makes me hate this man so much is the scene where Wednesday visits him in prison. I've seen people calling this a great scene because Xavier finally calls Wednesday out on her selfishness. I wish I could see the scene that way, but the fact that Xavier seems more concerned that Wednesday kissed another guy than the fact that there is currently an active serial killer on the loose just angered me to no end. I know this character is a teenager and he is supposed to be immature, but there is a fine line and there is such a profound level of childishness and selfishness in the fact that Xavier does not give even a passing thought that he is actively endangering everyone in his school and the town because of his own bruised ego. And it is never called out, just like all of his other questionable actions. If he even tried to give Wednesday any help in this scene, been the bigger man in any way, or had to apologize for his behavior in a later scene, I possibly could have put aside his previous actions, but after that I don't know if I could ever like this character.

I don't think anyone is a bad person for liking Xavier, I'm sure a lot of you could write an essay just like this one on why you love his character, he just isn't for me. I like Tyler and he isn't for some people. Just act respectful towards fans that disagree with you. They're just opinions on characters at the end of the day.

TLDR: Xavier acts very selfishly throughout this season and the show acts like he has nothing to atone for and he isn't developed much as a character so I cannot latch onto any aspect of him.

[skatiet]

ok so. lost shipping. this is mainly just going to focus on the quadrangle (jack, kate, sawyer, & juliet). the thing is, i don't hate a love triangle polygon. i think it can lead to interesting character dynamics. but lost somehow missed the entire point of a love polygon, which is choice.

i personally believe that a person can be in love with more than one person, at the same time or at different times, whether that's in a polyamorous way or in a "i'm monogamous, but i just haven't decided which of these people i want to be with" way. i’m going to ignore the polyamorous way for now, because in lost canon that's never mentioned as a possibility, so it's implied that all the characters are seeking monogamous romantic relationships.

so, it's pretty clearly shown to us that kate loves both jack and sawyer and that sawyer loves both kate and juliet, at some point throughout the series. (i've seen people disagree with this, but i'm taking the character's words and actions as they are presented, so if you disagree, i don't know what to tell you.) the writers lean very heavily into kate's "choice" specifically. the concept that she could simply be interested in/dating/whatever two people at once when she hasn't committed or promised anything to either one of them being seen a problem is an entire other rant's worth of nonsense, but if we just take it as the show presents it to us, she has to choose between jack and sawyer. the problem is, she is never actually given a choice. three seasons worth of build up is never paid off because... sawyer jumps out of the chopper. and in being separated from kate, he is never given a real choice either, because by the time he is in the position to make that choice, one of the "options" is gone.

now, one could argue that sawyer made the choice not to be with kate by jumping out of the chopper, or that kate made the choice not to be with sawyer by not following him, but neither one of them knew that those decisions would result in them being separated for three years. so yes, kate ends up with jack because sawyer is no longer an option, and we never get to see what her decision-making process would've looked like had they both been there long enough for her to make that choice. and sawyer ends up with juliet in the same way. we never get to see what he would've done had kate still been around as he was falling more in love with juliet.

the entire interesting part of this entire situation was taken away because the choice was made for them by their circumstances. the show leans into the idea that whatever happens would always have happened, and the universe "course corrects," so maybe these pairings always would've happened, but the fact that we don't get to see a reason why they happen other than "the other person i was considering is now completely inaccessible to me" is so incredibly anticlimactic and disappointing. not to mention (and perhaps this is possibly partly a result of the strike shortening season 4), we barely get to see the actual relationships play out. we have 3 seasons of jack and kate's dynamic to work with, at least, but sawyer and juliet literally get "so we started to get along, then we were in love, the end." there is such little payoff.

and maybe that's part of why people in the lost fandom still to this day get incredibly defensive about their favorite pairings, because they as fans have created more of those couples’ stories than the writers of the show did. so, there are plenty of reasons people like different combinations of these four characters together, whether it's "these two have the most interesting bond to me," "these two are the characters i like the most as individuals so i want to see them together," "i like the chemistry between the actors who play these two the most," "these two are the hottest to me," or any number of other things. but it's never because we see a character make a fully-informed free choice.

and this isn't the only case of the writers doing this. we see potential relationships between jack and ana lucia, as well as sawyer and ana lucia, but she dies before either of them can ever fully decide if that's something they want to pursue. shannon dies before sayid is ever faced with a decision between her and nadia. and of course, juliet and jack die before any potential further quadrangle situations could be explored (not that they would've, given that sawyer and juliet are in a committed, presumably monogamous relationship at that point, but by the point of the finale, there's no room for the possibility at all.)

and again, this is another rant all on it's own, but we end this show, which was called time and time again an ensemble show, with an afterlife that is completely from jack's point of view. we see every character paired up with the person that jack saw them with during his lifetime, with no regard for other potential important relationships in their lives. and i get it, obviously. it would make no sense for the characters who lived beyond the finale to suddenly have other significant others, or to have more established relationships with each other, when we never see any of that play out. but it just feels reductive to only see them reunite in the circumstances that existed at the time of jack's death. but like i said, that's another issue altogether.

tl;dr the lost writers did a really bad job with their romantic relationships and everyone’s favorite ships are good and correct and we should all be nice to each other and love each other forever <3

[nerdzzone]

A Hopeful Mishap

Summary: An unexpected surprise has Madeline and Chris cautiously excited for the next big challenge in their relationship.

Part of the Back To You series

-----

June 2020

Madeline’s head was spinning.

She felt weak, she felt dizzy and she felt a little bit nauseous, but after the diagnosis she’d just been given, it was impossible for her to know whether the way she was feeling was a result of hearing the news or if it was a symptom of her condition.

She was pregnant.

It wasn’t news that she’d been expecting to hear when she went into the doctor’s office that day, but as the shock began to settle she had to admit that it shouldn’t have been entirely unexpected. After all, she’d made the appointment because her period was late, but that had been a common occurrence over the last year and she’d been so sure that - as with all the other times - pregnancy wasn’t the reason. Ever since the dramatic weight loss she’d struggled with throughout her grieving process, she hadn’t had a regular cycle. She’d lost her period completely for almost six months and then when it returned, it was consistently unreliable and worse than it had ever been before. 

In an attempt to give her natural hormones a chance to figure themselves out, she’d stopped taking her birth control pills earlier in the year and despite that choice making no noticeable difference, they’d been relying on the pull out method ever since. She thought they’d been careful and she’d tried her best to track her ovulation, but - as her doctor had just pointed out - it would have been very difficult for her to track it correctly if her cycles weren’t regular.

And now, they were going to have a baby.

She knew that Chris would be happy. He’d been open about his desire to be a dad since they first started dating and he’d been quite worried about her since she’d shared her concerns. He hadn’t brought it up with her, but in the days leading up to her appointment, she’d caught him researching various ailments that could be causing her problems so she knew he’d be relieved that it was nothing more serious.

Then again, having a baby was pretty serious too and Madeline wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about it.

For so long, the thought of having a baby terrified her and she’d spent many years associating starting a family with giving up her dreams, her career, and her independence. Before she left him, the guilt of knowing that it was something Chris was eager for and something she wasn’t ready to give him had turned it into a subject that filled her with dread. But their situation had changed. She wasn’t so focused on her career anymore and giving up some of her independence to raise a child was something that had been starting to feel more like it would be a privilege than the punishment she used to think it would be.

There were still a few things that concerned her, but there was an undeniable flicker of excitement bubbling inside her - especially when she thought about breaking the news to Chris. He’d wanted to go with her to the appointment, but there were still restrictions in place that limited the number of people allowed in the doctor’s office to only those who the appointments were for so Madeline had convinced him not to come. She found herself feeling quite grateful for his absence as it allowed her to use her drive home to gather her thoughts and get over the shock, but by the time she’d pulled back into their driveway, she was no wiser about how to tell him. Visions of viral pregnancy reveals danced through her mind, but she knew Chris would have questions as soon as she walked in the door and that she would be entirely incapable of keeping the news to herself long enough to come up with any wild way to announce it so as she headed up the steps of their porch, she decided that being direct was her best course of action.

��Chris!” She called out as she closed their front door closed behind her. “I’m home!”

The sound of Chris and Dodger’s footsteps bounding down the hallway immediately filled her ears and Chris’ anxious curiosity was written all over his face as he skidded to a stop in the entryway.

“How did it go? What did the doctor say?”

Madeline smiled at his eager concern as she scratched Dodger’s ears and tried to figure out what to say.

“Well, she wasn’t super worried at first because, like I said, being underweight and all the stress of the last couple of years can have a huge effect on your menstrual cycle,” Madeline started her explanation. “But it turns out there’s a really simple reason for the current problems that I’m having.”

She’d tried to keep it vague - to leave some mystery until she confirmed anything - but the hopeful glint that appeared in Chris’ eye as he watched her carefully told Madeline that he already had some suspicions about what she was about to say and she had to bite her lip to stop her smile from getting even wider as he questioned her.

“Oh, really? What would that be?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Madeline barely had time to register the look of complete joy on Chris’ face before he’d crossed the room and pulled her into his arms. A laugh fell from her lips as she was pressed tightly into his chest and buried his face in her hair as if he just couldn’t get her close enough.

“Really?” He asked, the emotion in his voice stirring up emotions in her as well. “You’re serious?”

“I am,” she assured him, feeling his grip tighten even more and embracing the comfort of his warmth for a moment before she leaned back to look up at him. “I have an appointment next week for a few tests to give us a little more information, but the doctor said there was no doubt.”

“I knew it,” Chris grinned. “I knew it as soon as you told me your period was late.”

“It seems obvious now. It must have happened on your birthday,” Madeline mused, knowing it was the only recent time they’d slipped up. She’d done the math after it happened and been very confident that she couldn’t get pregnant at that time, but obviously she’d been wrong. “We have pretty bad timing though…”

“Why?” Chris smirked. “I think it’s pretty good timing, everything is cancelled and neither of us have anywhere to be.”

“That’s my point,” Madeline argued. “The world’s in such a mess, there might not even be a world left by the time this baby’s born.”

“If there’s no world left then having a baby will be the least of our problems.”

It was a fair counter to her somewhat dramatic claim and Madeline couldn’t help but smile despite the very valid concerns that were running through her mind.

They had been luckier than most throughout the pandemic. Once it was clear that everything was shutting down, they’d settled in at home in Massachusetts with Scott and spent the first few months of strict lockdowns just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. Life had been so busy in various ways for all of them in the last few years so being forced to drop everything and spend a few months of quality time together was somewhat of a blessing in disguise despite the uncertainty brought on by the ‘unprecedented’ shutdown of the world. Of course, like everyone else, they had days where the close proximity had them all at each other’s throats and days when they grew anxious to get back to normal, more productive life, but they’d tried to make the best of it and Chris and Madeline had really appreciated how the lack of distractions gave them the time to reconnect and rebuild a solid foundation for their relationship.

However, their comfortable situation didn’t shelter them entirely from the mess the virus was causing. A quick scroll through any social media showed the widespread suffering that was happening all over the world and while the case numbers did seem to be declining at least temporarily, there was still no long-term solution and the virus was still running quite rampant with no guarantees that things would be any more under control in the next nine months.

“Okay, that’s true,” Madeline admitted. “But you know what I mean, things are so bleak at the moment. What kind of world are we bringing a child into?”

“One where they’ll be surrounded by so much love from everyone we know that they won’t even notice any of the bad things.”

Once again, that was a statement that Madeline couldn’t argue with and just the thought of how excited all their friends and family would be had the sting of tears pricking in her eyes.

“This baby is going to have more love than they know what to do with,” she agreed, but there was another little doubt nagging at the back of her mind that she couldn’t help but voice. “But, do you think it’s happening a little soon?”

She hoped that Chris wouldn’t take her concern as any kind of sign that she had doubts about their relationship, but they’d only just settled back into life together when the pandemic had forced them into a living situation that wasn’t really comparable to their normal everyday routine so she felt it was a fair question. She knew in her heart that she would always love Chris and that he felt the same - that had become clear after they both spent their three and a half year separation moping and pining away for each other - but she’d learned the hard way the first time around that love wasn’t always enough. Chris had a busy life with a job that demanded a lot from him while she was currently in the process of a career change as she’d just barely pulled herself out of the pit of her grief. Children were a complicated addition to even the most stable relationships and she had to admit that it made her a little bit nervous.

“Probably a little sooner than I would have suggested if it was planned,” Chris admitted, but after a moment of thought, he shrugged. “But, if I’m bein’ honest, it doesn’t really matter to me. I’m all in, Madeline. I want to be with you for the rest of my life and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen so whether we have a baby now or in ten years, my feelings aren’t going to change.”

He spoke with such casual conviction that Madeline couldn’t help but believe him and she felt her heart swell in her chest as the tears that she’d been fighting back began to blur her vision until they spilled over and slipped down her cheeks. 

“That’s sweet, Chris,” she choked out. “And I hope you know that I feel the same way.”

Chris’ face immediately shifted into a look of skepticism, but he managed to push it away almost as fast as it appeared.

“Yeah?” He questioned, gently wiping away her tears with his thumb. “Are you sure? Because I’ve been bracing myself to talk you out of a panic attack since you got home and told me the news.”

That admission and the gentle smirk on his face left Madeline unsure about whether she should feel offended that he had so little faith in her ability to hold it together or touched that he’d been fretting about what her reaction would be, but in the end a smile slid onto her face as she let his comment slide and nodded her head.

“I’m very sure,” she assured him. “I learned the hard way that walking away from you was the worst decision I could have made and I’m never going to do it again. I know starting a family was something that I used to be really scared of and I know that I let it drive us apart, but I think I’m ready for it now and I hope it’ll bring us even closer together.”

“How could it not?” His question came out as hardly more than a murmur and Madeline noticed his eyes had grown glassy too as his hands slipped down to rest on her stomach. “They’re half you and half me, they’re gonna be the coolest kid in town.”

Despite the tenderness of the moment, that claim pulled a snort of laughter from Madeline as she raised her eyebrow suspiciously.

“Hmm, I’m not sure about that. They’ll definitely be determined and probably a little controlling, but I’m not sure that ‘cool’ is a word anyone used to describe either of us until we were at least twenty.”

“Maybe it was twenty for you,” Chris chuckled. “But I think I was probably at least twenty-five before I was even close to being cool and those teenage years were rough.”

“They were rough for you, weren’t they?” Madeline teased. “With those bad haircuts, braces and all that musical theatre…”

“Yeah, it’s no wonder you didn’t wanna date me until I was thirty.”

“Oh, please,” Madeline scoffed. “That was all your fault. I would have absolutely dated you in high school even with your tragic style choices.”

“I still find that hard to believe,” Chris smiled. “But at least I’ve learned from my mistakes and I can pass that knowledge onto our little baby when the time comes.”

Madeline knew that no self-respecting teenager would take style tips from their dad even if he was still a big Hollywood celebrity at that time, but the phrase ‘our little baby’ had her so distracted that she didn’t even bother to argue. 

She was going to have a family again. They were going to have a baby. He was going to be a dad and she was going to be a mom - they were going to be parents. 

She knew that she always had the support of Chris’ family, but there was a certain kind of unfillable hole in her heart that she’d had since she’d lost her parents and while she knew that having a baby wouldn’t magically take away the pain of that loss, she felt like being a mother and having a family of her own might just put a little piece of her broken heart back in place.

-

One Month Later

Walking through the cemetery, Chris found himself feeling strangely nervous. He’d always found it a little eerie, but for once it wasn’t the setting that was unsettling him - it was what he was there to do. By the time he got to the right location and saw the familiar headstones, his stomach was in knots but he pushed through as he laid the flowers he’d brought between the two graves and cleared his throat as he stepped back.

“So,” he started, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I don’t really know how to do this, but it feels like an important thing to do so I’m gonna try my best and I’m sure you’ll at least get a kick out of my awkwardness. Greg, I know you always loved any opportunity to laugh at me so it’ll be up to you to keep him focused for me, Mrs. D.”

Despite how incredibly uncomfortable he felt, a smile slid onto his face as images of the many times Madeline’s mom had been forced to rein in her husband flashed into his mind, but even that hint of amusement couldn’t squash his nerves. 

He’d been to visit the graves of Madeline’s parents several times since they died, but talking to them was never something he’d felt was necessary. He’d tried it once the first time he’d visited - he’d attempted an apology and tried to offer an explanation for why he hadn’t been brave enough to face Madeline at their funeral - but it was awkward and strange and he felt like they were just as likely to already know how he was feeling as they were to be able to hear him talking to their graves.

However, it had become an important thing to Madeline and something she made an effort to do on a regular basis. He did go with her from time to time, but he’d always left the talking up to her and now he was forced to muddle through it on his own.

“I know Maddie already stopped by the other day and told you our big news,” he continued. “I’m pretty excited about it, I’ve wanted it for a long time, but I just wanted you both to know that I’m gonna take care of her. I know I did some things that you guys weren’t happy about and even if I never admitted it while you were alive, I do regret how I handled our break up and I should have listened to your advice more carefully than I did.”

He paused, feeling the knot in his stomach tighten again as he took a deep breath.

“We’re back on track now though and we’re better than ever,” he assured them. “And that kinda brings me to why I’m here. I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

He let the announcement hang in the warm summer air of the quiet cemetery for a moment as if he was giving them time to react before he continued.

“I’m gonna wait a few weeks so she doesn’t think I’m just doing it because of the baby, but I know we’ve all talked about this before so I hope I still have your approval. I guess it’d be nice if you could give me some kinda sign that I do, but I’m not even sure that you’re listening to this so, if I’m bein’ honest, I’m gonna do it anyway.”

He shrugged and bit back a smirk, but felt a pang of sadness that he would never get the chance to actually hear their thoughts on his rekindled relationship with their daughter. He was fairly confident that they would have been just as happy as his family had been, but Greg had never been afraid of telling Chris what he thought and he knew there were times after their breakup that he’d been very disappointed in him.

All he could hope was that wherever her parents were watching them from now, they knew how devoted he was to Madeline and how determined he was to do whatever it took to spend the rest of his life with her. He stayed a few minutes longer to do his best to convey that message before eventually making his way back to the car and heading to where he’d told Madeline he was actually going - the grocery store to buy her some ice cream.

It wasn’t until later that evening that his one-sided conversation with her parents returned to his mind.

Madeline was stretched out on the couch with her head in his lap, snoring gently as the first trimester exhaustion seemed to be catching up with her and he mindlessly stroked her hair as he watched the baseball game that was on the TV. It was the Boston Red Sox versus the New York Mets and while Chris had started off only half-paying attention, there was something about the game that quickly sucked him in. It almost felt like he was having deja-vu, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. The game had started off appallingly for the Red Sox - they were down by six in the third inning and barely seemed like they had the energy to play - but in the fourth inning they miraculously turned it around. Suddenly they were racking up the runs while the Mets couldn’t get a hit to save their lives.

It wasn’t until the final score of 13-6 flashed up on the screen at the end of the game that Chris realized why it had all felt so familiar to him.

Five years earlier, in the summer of 2015, he’d taken Madeline’s dad to a baseball game. It was something they’d done several times in his life, but that specific day he’d suggested it with the intention of letting him know that he planned to propose and asking for his approval. He knew Madeline would have rolled her eyes and informed him that the only person whose approval he needed was hers - which, funnily enough, he clearly didn’t have at that time - but he was a fan of tradition and it had felt like the right thing to do.

Her dad had been thrilled by the news and knowing that he had his enthusiastic support had only made Chris even more confident in the decision.

But what reminded him of that moment was the way the game he’d just watched had unfolded. The one that he’d attended that day with Madeline’s dad had been exactly the same. The Red Sox were playing the Mets and were losing until the fourth inning when the momentum completely switched and they won with a final score of 13-6.

It wasn’t anything groundbreaking - teams that got off to a rough start often turned it around and won the game - and Chris was aware that visiting Madeline’s parent’s graves had left him feeling quite sentimental, but he couldn’t help but think that perhaps that was the sign that he’d asked for. It could have just been one giant coincidence and nothing worth noting, but as he looked down at Madeline sleeping peacefully in his lap he chose to believe that it was more - that it was her father letting him know that he still supported Chris’ decision to propose as wholeheartedly as he had when Chris had first told him his plan - and the reassurance and confidence that thought gave him was almost enough to have him waking Madeline up right then and there just to ask her as soon as he possibly could.

-

Next

Tags:  @maggotzombie @moonlacebeam @mizzzpink @flowery-mess @flowerjewels @hockeychick10 @partypoison00 @theladybiers @sidepieces @patzammit @sparkledfirecracker @mytbel0st @denisemarieangelina @elrw24 @findthebeautyinbreakdowns @trottae17 @annvail @rach2602 @sarahdonald87 @firephotogrl74 @ourfinest-hour @k-evans-writes​

[dropthedemiurge]

Kawi is a perfect Cartoon Character filmed in BL

We were talking about comedy acting of gmm actors in our discord, and I understandably went on a rant about Krist's comedic performance in Be My Favorite (because his dramatic acting is good but he chose such a unique delicious comedy to give to Kawi, and I've been obsessed with it since the very first episode so let me bring it here too xD)

I was so surprised and intrigued when I saw Kawi in BMF, because in the beginning of the series Kawi looks funny. Unhinged. Unserious. AND IT DOES NOT LOOK CRINGE! (fight me)

For me it's something that's so easy to fuck up, and Thai comedies just love being silly-cringe on purpose (I'm sorry, I have to admit, I get second hand embarrassment often when watching unserious scenes in BLs). But Kawi. He's just. So excitingly funny for the viewers. Krist created his behavior with such a careful nuance, he gave us the first impression of Kawi so nicely, that a non-social immature main character who easily could get 'EW noo' reaction from viewers, is just a very adorable weird fool you can't help but keep watching to see in what kind of trash situations he'll end up.

I think here's a huge reason why: Kawi looks and feels like a cartoon character. I don't even know how Krist did it, I worked as 2d/3d animator and artist for some time in the past and I deliberately tried to make myself act like a cartoon character to film references for animation, so let me tell you – it's HARD xD

Disclaimer: i'm not big professional, just a freelancer so my terms might not be official, i'm just describing what i've learnt from professionals, these are basic things

I think Krist said it himself somewhere in bts that it was his deliberate choice and hard work but Kawi is absolutely animated in a very cartoonish way, but he also calms down and matures throughout the whole series, his movements become more gentle, fluid and less loud.  It's such a difficult way to smoothly change the character and it's a hard work for the actor, if you consider that episodes and scenes aren't usually filmed chronologically.

The first episode of BMF is like the epitome of Kawi As Cartoon Character (remember Kawi stealing Pisaeng's clothes scene, the dancing, fighting the gangster, everything) and it works really great to establish that comedic introduction and fool us all into thinking this is just a silly comedic BL show and not a very complicated, profound and mature series as it turned out to be :D

I dissect for myself why this happens, what Krist makes:

Loud hyperactive movements (wide animated gestures, compared to all other characters behaving like adults in real world; think of Stage Persona and theatrics)

Action lines and curves (compare Pisaeng and Kawi on screenshots, think how Pisaeng would hold his hand out and look how Kawi is posing. Krist said they rehearsed poses in that scene a lot, and I really believe it. He stretches out arms a bit too far away, he bends more than usual person, he cranes his neck, he makes just perfect action lines throughout his whole body. When you want to make a cartoon character out of someone's photo, you exaggerate and smooth out posture so the motion would be felt, and Krist just does it in real life)

Fast movements ending up in an abrupt VERY ART-LIKE POSE, and quick change of sharp poses (it's a base rule for good artists to make characters have a clear pose, so you would be able to guess what's going on from only the silhouette). It's probably not a natural way to stand in front of the camera, but Krist often turns his body just enough to have very recognizable silhouettes (enhanced by directing from P'Waa probably)

He exaggerates emotions like a comic character as well; wide eyes, mouth, furrowed eyebrows or extreme pout; even his voice is loud, he shouts and yells louder than anyone else in the series. Of course, only when he's comfortable (with Pisaeng, with Magic Uncle, sometimes with Max). When Kawi isn't comfortable, Krist makes him small, roll into himself, speak quieter and softer, while still having cute gestures like fidgeting.

Cartoonish character compliments Kawi's childish behavior so well, it adds cuteness and stops viewers from rolling their eyes

KAWI LITERALLY IS ACCOMPANIED BY CARTOON SOUND EFFECTS IN THE SERIES, I mean - Pisaeng sometimes gets his sound effect of something breaking, u know like huh??, but if you listen, so many actions and gestures of Kawi are followed by various cartoon sounds. All the time. Even when he gets more mature and reaches zen, they are still present, just not as often.

And that dance? Might not be truly something cartoons would have, but it's so unhinged and quick and childishly weird, Kawi is almost literally operating at 24fps there, the flashing lighting helps a lot as well xD

(overall, think about famous tiktok videos of a girl acting like a disney character irl but if i'm not wrong, there's also a technique of slowing and speeding up the video/audio, and Krist simply acts like that in front of the camera. fascinating)

Krist's work on Kawi's comedic behavior is just chef's kiss, even if you didn't know the plot, just by seeing Kawi in random scenes, you'd know it's a whole character arc just reflected through the body. Which is, I guess, what acting is about xD But it is SO RARE to see for me in BLs and Thai's lakorns, and maybe I just don't watch a lot of comedy series but I'm extremely impressed with how great that cartoonish Kawi looks, from an artist point of view.

I think the other character from BLs close to this feeling would be Sky from Love in the Air. If you know others, please let me know!

[hageny]

Succession Thoughts: Gerri x Roman 

1. Cash In, Cash Out.

This episode afforded us no Roman and Gerri content as of yet, but it did build on the interesting themes already at play in episode one. We see the siblings--mainly Shiv and Kendall--trying to undercut the deal Logan has struck with Matsson to let Gojo buy Waystar. Shiv, as usual, is following her own best interests in spite of her alleged interest in a team-up with her siblings, speaking privately on the phone to Sandi at the beginning of the episode, and leaving her siblings in the dark about the phone call. Kendall, later, does the same thing when he receives a text from Stewy. Like in the birthday episode of last season, both Shiv and Ken are playing their own games, but try to squash Roman for receiving a text from their father. Their anger at him is understandable, but hardly fair, considering their actions. The same goes for the halting of the sale of Waystar, which Roman seems mostly uninterested in. Already we can see the seeds it dissent growing. Roman wants to move forward with his life; revenge is boring to him, and he’s savvy enough to see a horizon that doesn’t involve hating his father, but also doesn’t involve being in business with his father. He’s attempting to make the smart choice to disengage rather than continue to beat a dead horse. While he may believe there is a future with his siblings and he on the same side, deep down the viewer knows that this is highly unlikely. They can’t move forward, and they don’t have near enough respect for his tenacity and knowledge to utilize him in the way they should. Gerri was the only one who tapped into Roman’s strengths, molded him, overlooked and forgave his weaknesses. One can hope this might mean that a future without both his siblings and his father might involve a future teamed with her--at the very least in a business sense--but considering the universe these characters inhabit, such a rosy view of things is probably naive to take. Even so, the fact remains that the cracks in the surface of the union between Roman, Shiv, Kendall, and Connor are starting to show. Granted, Connor isn’t involved in their business dealings per say, but while he and Roman have a similar view of their place and lot in life, Shiv and Kendall seem  most capable of sinking the ship.

2. Oldest One Out.

The good thing about having a family that doesn’t love you is you learn to live without it. 

I don’t touch on Connor too often, but I will say that the ending scene with him was such a nice glimpse into who he is as a person. He’s in the midst of a tough him--Willa has bolted after the reception, his political career is murky at best--and when his siblings sit down with him at the reception just after Willa has left, he makes it clear that all he’d really like is to spend time with them, to connect and have fun and take his mind off of things. Sadly, for him, Shiv and Ken are mostly uninterested/incapable of not talking business, it being the primary source of connection between them for the whole of their lives. They’ll pat him on the shoulder every now and again before launching into a new tactic, new strategy, and when Connor does utter the sentence quoted above it’s hard to argue with him. He’s always attempted to be neutral in the middle of whatever chaos is engulfing his family, and it’s noted a few times throughout the series that he was essentially a surrogate father to his younger siblings because Logan was so often absent. This moment of vulnerability in the last episode showcases exactly why Connor is with Willa. It’s clear to everyone she’s not in love with him, and really is too yielding to tell him the truth, dancing along to his every whim and becoming more dissatisfied in the process. While Connor is incredibly selfish in his relationship with her, that selfishness is borne less from a malicious intent and more from a desperate desire to be loved by someone, anyone, because his family does not care about him. Roman, arguably, showcases the most interest in him, having likely bonded with him as a child on whatever excursions Connor took him on that were meant for father and son, but there is still a distance present between them. However, as anyone with life experience knows, you cannot make people love you, no matter how you try. You can be present, honest, nurturing, and it could still not be enough, and this sad fact is at the center of his relationship with Willa. No amount of giving and begging will turn her tolerance for him into love, and if Connor doesn’t realize this and let her go, he is in for more pain than even he has yet felt before. 

[bakerstreetbabble]

Granada TV Series Review: "The Musgrave Ritual" (S03, E03)

Well, here we have a very unusual adaptation indeed! Readers of the original Sherlock Holmes canon will recognize "The Musgrave Ritual" as one of the few stories that actually takes place before Holmes and Watson meet. Right off the bat, this poses some difficulties for writers adapting it for the screen. The story consists largely of Holmes telling Watson about one of his earlier cases "before my biographer had come to glorify me." He tells Watson of cases that have long intrigued Sherlockians:

the Tarleton murders, and the case of Vamberry, the wine merchant, and the adventure of the old Russian woman, and the singular affair of the aluminum crutch, as well as a full account of Ricoletti of the club-foot, and his abominable wife.​

As Holmes tells Watson the story of how one of his former university colleagues, Reginald Musgrave, showed up at his rooms in Montague Street, the story-within-a-story actually becomes a story-within-a-story-within-a-story, leading to double quotation marks within single quotation marks within double quotation marks. So, obviously something different needed to be done with the adaptation.

Now I would have expected the story to be told as a flashback, Holmes telling Watson about one of his cases in the old days. However, the writers chose to get a little more creative: they insert Watson into the story, and the scene is now Holmes and Watson being invited for a little vacation time at the estate of Reginald Musgrave. As the adventure unfolds, the dynamic duo are in the middle of the action, and the tale gets rather entertaining and interesting. Most of the major plot points are imported intact from the source material, as well as large chunks of dialogue from the original. Not the least of these is the "Musgrave Ritual" from the title. (I have removed all of the many quotation marks, for ease of reading.)

Whose was it? His who is gone. Who shall have it? He who will come. Where was the sun? Over the oak. Where was the shadow? Under the elm. How was it stepped? North by ten and by ten, east by five and by five, south by two and by two, west by one and by one, and so under. What shall we give for it? All that is ours. Why should we give it? For the sake of the trust.

As the adaptation unfolds, the mystery is rather engaging for the viewer, but there are some misssteps along the way. The most bewildering choice, I thought, was that Holmes inexplicably spends the first half of the episode wrapping himself in an afghan blanket, as if he is freezing, while no one around him seems to be too cold at all. I found that little detail to be incredibly distracting. Also, Jeremy Brett spends an entire scene holding back laughter, and then erupting into guffaws for...no reason whatsoever.

One might also be surprised (in the original story and in its adaptation) by an adventure in which Holmes solves the case of the mysterious Musgrave Ritual, but seems completely unconcerned by the missing Rachel Howells, who most likely was directly involved in the murder of the butler Brunton. The adaptation solves this problem, to a certain extent, by having the woman's body emerge from the pond, as another servant (with whom Brunton had an affair) discovers the corpse and runs away, shrieking. Considering, though, that the pond had been searched thoroughly at an earlier point in the episode, this doesn't really make a whole lot of sense.

So, is this a faithful adaptation of the story of "The Musgrave Ritual"? Well, yes and no. As I mentioned, most of the story is fairly similar, but there are certainly many liberties taken, rearranging it for ease of storytelling, as well as to have Watson be a participant. Still, it's enjoyable enough to watch, and there are great moments throughout, including a lovely shot of Holmes, Watson and Musgrave at work on the mystery, which I've shared at the top of the post, and a humorous moment when Watson miscalculates the length of a shadow (after Holmes has exclaimed, "The answer lies in trigonometry!").  Overall, an entertaining, if a bit unusual, entry into the Granada canon.

[justathingfromthebrainvoid]

The feral thoughts have encroached upon the brain cells I need for normal life, so I’m dumping them here in attempt to save at least some of them. Okay so first off: Limited Life, so novel in a way. Sure the life series have always been Hardcore/Hardcore-adjacent and no one lives forever, but having that set time from the beginning that only ticks down, always there, always present, is fascinating and I can’t wait to see what it does to people’s heads. It is the literal reminder that no one is getting out of this alive and These Deaths Are Inevitable. That hard line is going to turn into a wall people are going end up running into like birds and windows, because the fighting is practically useless. Even if one person manages to kill everyone else and gain all that time, it will still run out. Everyone is running on this treadmill and slowly falling further behind. There is no survival here, but they're still going to try. Fighting and kicking and screaming for every last second they can get. And we're going to see that different type of end now, where instead of falling victim to another player or the world, their time simply runs out. And there's a high chance that they're going to have to watch it run out. Next: the teams. ooooo, they grouped up in such interesting ways (and locations). Grian, Joel, and Jimmy setting up on a mansion in what could be a good defensive position, but also the danger below (and the call backs the 100 hours Hardcore, pls tell me someone else thought of that). Two of them have already died to... stupid enough reasons, because they keep egging each other on. There are no braincell's in this group, just chaos and the loyalty they have towards each other isn't anything special yet. Their bonds are of "sure might as well" and humor. It's the "I can make him worse" but none of them are smart enough to realize it. Then there's T.I.E.S, which have fairly stable relationships throughout the group, but they can't keep any kind of cow (and sometimes themselves) alive through pure bad luck. They should be smart and capable with the kinds of players they are, but when you put them all together they somehow lose all of that and run around like headless chickens. Then there's Scott and Martyn which ... could work, but only if they fully comit to being loyal, otherwise I see this half playing out as the couple subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) trying to murder each other. They will get along, but only when it's in their best interests to do so, and will totally have multiple side deals along the way. Please become truly loyal to each other tho, because I think it would make for a very interesting dynamic. The ... CLockers is really going to be "we make each other worse" with a medium chance of betrayal, mostly from Bdubs as it gets closer to the end times, but Cleo already seems to have chosen her loyalty and that could definitely push them into being a fairly strong (if not completely stable) group. Scar goes with the Storyline, which seems to be pairing him with Bdubs this time around, so it will be interesting to see if the "Mom" joke sticks around long enough to become part of that or not, and if Cleo doesn't kill them herself. Then Pearl and BigB are just going to be suspicion central, both with everyone else and each other. Pearl usually won't go after her allies, but there's always that chance (which her allies always seem somewhat aware of, loyal in part out of wariness) and BigB... he's just secretive, not necessarily by choice, but by nature so it can be confusing if his words are true or not, even with his actions. They're still mostly protected by reputation tho, and are both so dumb. Third, the area. There's a mansion. Which means totems. At least a couple people are going to go after them in spite of the risks, just because they do exist, and especially in the early days, What's an hour now to a chance at life later? But then there's the delayed consequence. What's a chance at life later to something you have now? Is your time better spent doing something else? I think, or at least I hope, there's going to be a lot more thinking about future scenarios. They should be careful, but with the illusion of the time they have and things like keep inventory on, that's going to get muddled. Until the colors start switching. And people continue to be close together. (I understand the content, but I look back at the winners, and for the most part they were in area's harder to get to most of the time.) Then there's the lunacy of both the Neighbors and Clockers setting up right where people first respawn ... with all of their gear... and treating it like a show... how fortunate for those first few yellows and reds that are killed. and yellows can/are encouraged to kill this time around. which brings the amount of people able to kill up more. This world is made to see you dead. In a way the others built towards, but this one... it's very final. You will die. You can't outrun the clock. And Finally, fourth, the "curses" and who i think would make for an interesting winner. "Curse 1"- Boogeyman: going strong, attached to Scott first (slight sarcasm via the man himself commenting on it being revenge for his refusal to kill in last life, which i will be taking as fact) before moving the Bdubs who showed no hesitation, and then Martyn. "Curse 2"- Jimmy the Death Omen: pls return, yes it will make people think there is actually possibly a script, but it's so funny. And while Jimmy never dies first, his perma-death always involves the person who did in some capacity, so I shall be keeping my eye out for Skizz and Timmy interactions. "Curse 3"- Enchanter: there is defiantly one in play, but there is a chance they're made this season, which might free Scar from it. "Curse 4"- Grian's Friends: .... again I just want to see if this one plays out again, cause if so I will laugh. "Curse 5"- Scar's pets/mixed in with dog army this season: dog army may have gotten broken thanks to Pearl last season, but it could have been a one time thing. We shall see if someone dies from killing one of Scar and Bdub's dogs. "Curse 6"- Scar's 1st life: broken this season due to fall damage! interested to see if grian is the first to kill scar tho. "Curse 7"- Joel's Madness: most likely will happen, just a matter of when. "Curse 8"- Lone Tango death: up in the air. "Curse 9"- Widow Scott: possibly broken due to double life, possibly not, unsure if Martyn counts as the partner yet. "Curses 10, 11, and 12"- Bdubs, Cleo Betrayed, and Cleo's Death: grouped together, because they are grouped together. Could work out in a very interesting way. And "the Victor's Wish/Curse": Grian dies betrayed and the Boogeyman is created with lives uncertain, but able to be traded. Scott dies and the players are bound to another, shared lives, shared health, for better or worse. Pearl dies... and the Boogeyman returns with a countdown people can't escape only extend by taking others out. Hopeful winners: Cleo or Bdubs. Both have things with time going on a the moment and have a decent group. Both would fit with my odd brain narrative. Runners up: Scar, BigB, maybe Martyn. Though these could change and aren't that important, I will be rooting for Cleo as much as possible.

[wanderingwolpertinger]

finished Six of Crows yesterday (yes I skipped shadow and bone entirely the opening exposition was annoying me buuuut I'll go back later. Blame my friend she said I should start with SoC) and I haven't started Crooked Kingdom (no spoilers please!) however I wanted to dump my thoughts for a bit (I probably ended up being overly critical so if this is your fav series maybe scroll by lol)

-the characters were the highlight of the story for me, super well executed banter. Tie between Kaz and Matthias for fav POV. (Kaz's backstory was especially well done, the way it influenced his actions throughout SoC was very natural)

-worldbuilding/lore was pretty easy to follow even though I did not read S&B or watch the show. magic system is pretty cool, excited to see it fleshed out in S&B

-not sure how I feel about how ship-happy this series is (maybe the author was trying to outrun ship war potential idk). possibly makes more sense when viewed as a series? (will have to update my opinion later) but overall having every main pov character paired off somewhat sappily by the end of book one was ehhh? I'm not opposed to romantic subplots but I felt they may have held too much influence in the main plot here.

-hrrmmm love me some GrimDark (not) (ok not when it's not done very impactfully imo) (mmmm let's not explore the ethics of casually taking lives for more than 0.5 seconds) (yes it's a fantasy book but still) (particularly Jesper's pov was ... odd) (he seemed to have issues with his actions but also didn't?) (maybe it will make more sense upon reread)

-Standard Heist Plot (no notes) (yes to explosives)

-ok back to the crit. one of the reviews in the front of my copy compared SoC to ASOIAF (haven't read it but I know enough to verify) and like yes actually it really did feel somewhat like aggressively PG-13 Game of Thrones. (I dunno this is more of a personal gripe with authors feeling the need to inject the sexual exploitation of women into their fantasy novels in order to be more Realistic) (especially when it's minors) (bleh)

-idk a lot of the side worldbuilding choices felt like something an edgy 14 year old would choose because they were Dark ™️

-however props for character design, the appearance/physicality of each of the Crows was wonderfully distinct

-not in loooove with the ending. It sets up book two nicely yes but kinda gave me KOTLC cliffhanger flashbacks

-sort of feels like this book is a sanitized adult fantasy novel with de-aged protagonists (could be being unfair here) and a YA plot

-no actually the number of times Nina's breasts are mentioned is absurdly high, the heck was up with that

-so Matthias being a ex-witch hunter = bad (duh) cause he was going to send Grisha to their deaths. Ok makes sense. Now tell me why Kaz/Inej/Jesper killing somewhat indiscriminately is not really addressed in moral terms beyond "necessary"? (Actually ignore this one for now I would need to do a reread before I have full thoughts on this) (But there will be thoughts)

-overall, I had a good time reading this book. Yeah I had problems with it but some of that could honestly stem from the fact that I am not 15 anymore and have different taste in books. (ok ok also I am actively comparing this with Lockwood and Co and I feel that series took equally dark topics but explored them much more maturely) (and honestly also Mistborn. That series also had dark worldbuilding but didn't linger on what it didn't have to?)

[hughungrybear]

Me watching Laws of Attraction Ep. 5:

1. After two days of not being able to watch, I can finally sit back and continue this series 😭😭😭😭 Starting with Charn accusing the friendly neighbours as traitors (specifically, the brave lady from previous episode, Nam). I don't buy this. I still maintain that Charn's assistant (Wit) is highly sus.

2. Oh, wait. So, Nam DID sold Tin out??? I still have a hard time believing it. I think she's telling the truth about trying to set the reporter straight (which, unfortunately backfired). But I don't think she's the one who reveal all of Charn's cards to Thattep.

3. Charn, you and Tin just reconciled. Don't mess things up.

4. OMG. Tonkhao's bestie is also using the doll in public 😭😭😭 I hope Thattep does not find her (and the doll) first.

5. Grandma still captaining the ship, apparently 😅 Sidenote, I don't think I like this transition. We just saw Tin and Charn arguing about each other beliefs and morals, next thing we see Charn is in Tin's bedroom with an almost naked and newly bathe Tin. From a plot's perspective, it doesn't make much sense that they (especially Tin) are more than okay with each other's company (and flirting) again. 😑 Don't get me wrong, the scenes are cute. It's just that I think the timing (or editing) is wrong.

7. Charn is, opportunistic, to put it nicely. He just needs to channel that talent into good use. However, his cynicism is hindering him from looking at things from a (morally) positive angle.

8. I have said this from the very first episode: GIVE US CHARN'S FULL BACKSTORY, GAWD DAMMIT. I am this close 🤏 to googling spoilers 😭😭😭

9. Ms Club Owner and the gorgeous Silvy (in hot pink) side-eyeing Charn throughout the whole phone conversation is 😂😂😂 Also, Charn called Ms Club Owner, "auntie". Is he really her nephew? Because y'know, us Asians can call any female "auntie" (even complete strangers) without batting an eyelash 😂😂😂

10. Noooo, Charn. Don't leave Tonkhao's things in the open like that with Wit. 😭😭😭

11. Wit asking questions about the doll just heightens my suspicions towards him. So, yeah Charn, take your own advice and don't trust anyone, especially Wit.

12. I feel bad for Chai. I mean, wasn't it enough that they made him a fallguy? He needed to be killed too? The fvck. Also, the calculated way that Charn sacrificed this man's life to draw out the mole is every bit disgusting.

13. Thattep's reasoning. I cannot. 🤯🤯🤯🤯 What a sh*tty father. So, the reason why his own son is his first choice to be the fallguy is because it is a given that he will get away with it (just a probation, guys. No biggie /s)? He would rather have his son wrongfully labeled as criminal to what end???

14. Tanthai getting gaslit and made to believe that he caused two innocent people killed should be the bodyguard's cue to switch sides and tell the truth to protect his young master.

15. I KNEW IT. Then again, the series made it obvious that Wit cannot be trusted. Okay, I did not anticipate the gun(s), the action scenes, or that office fire/explosion that followed. Still, 😂😂😂😂

16. Not sure why the office exploded, honestly. I get it is for dramatic effect (and ensures that Wit is truly dead). But then again, from a realistic point of view, that sh*t shouldn't have happened unless Charn was keeping something that is highly explosive in HIS LAW OFFICE.

17. Grandma has a glow-up courtesy of Silvy (Maya) in a gorgeous 1920s-inspired fit. At this point, I seriously should start a Silvy fan club lol.

17. After the night's excitement, forgive me if I'm eyerolling Tin's highly questionable timing to flirt with Charn. 🙄🙄🙄

18. Mr. Bodyguard, sir, get an effing clue. At this point, I will not be surprised if Tanthai tries to un-alive himself.

19. Grandma being supportive of TinCharn's happiness is 🥺🥺🥺

20. Charn sleeps exactly like my two-year old nephew, right to the part of kicking anybody who shares the bed 😂😂😂😂 His parents learnt to sleep the very edge of the bed - sideways lol

21. Hold up. I think Wit is already effed up in the head, even without Charn's influence. He just got emboldened by Charn's very lax and questionable take on justice.

22. Wait, did Tonkhao's bestie moved to the town where Charn's traumatic past happened??? <after five seconds> Yep, there it is. Also, did the government has something to do with Charn's mum's death???

23. Charn's disgusting morals rears its ugly head again. Seriously, I wanted Ms Club Owner to slap him hard so he can get back to his senses.

It's official. I am having a love-hate fascination with Charn. He is so desperate to play an anti-hero that is almost pathetic, not to mention downright depressing. Will I get to finally see Charn's backstory in the next episode? I really hope so.

[kithtaehyung]

NEI R U KIDDINGGGG thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts on this piece! it means the world arghhhh more response under the cut!

I literally just woke up and decided to read this like the morning newspaper and DAMN it didn’t DISAPPOINT.

I felt like i was reading and visualizing an ENTIRE action movie (very much thinking of 90s Hong Kong Cinema films) with the way everything was described throughout those fights and escape scenes. I wish I could show you the visual movie that my brain created reading this.

LETS GOOO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WKR?? come on i am crying just knowing you thought of it like that wow... that's fucking amazing! i wish you could show the visual movie, too, the heck? it sounds like a damn good one.

Also the DIALOGUE! Yoongi/Agust is a man of a few words, but his small and smug actions speaks THOUSANDS of words. And you got that nailed DOWN! 

ugh i love this version of yoongi because he doesn't even need to say much to let us know what he wants. or thinks. or doesn't want? lmao

I love that you’re turning this into an actual series, because I see so much potential in how you will work towards building their relationship (we can see she does not “trust” AGUST but he definitely has a soft spot for her whether he admits it or not) as well as how you develop his character in your take of the “Haegeum” base universe.

it was a hard decision to make into a series (because what am i supposed to do with all these limes????) but i think it was the right choice in the end. this way, we get a whole universe to work with and lots of slow burn. we love slow burn in this house!! these two are gonna be quite the interesting pair to write, as well.

I didn’t expect the kiss to happen so sudden and it was enough to leave me craving for MORE. WHO is this man known as AGUST and what power does he really have? We will find out in the future. 

EHEHE the kiss came out of nowhere to all of us including reader! too bad it was only a distraction........ and who the hell is this guy anyway? what millions of secrets is he not telling us? we sure will find out in due time!

(P.S. I loved how reader is basically ATLA cabbage man but with tangerines instead)

YOU GET ME HAHAHA this poor girl is just trying to sell her fruit in peace!!! thank you so much for all this, nei. i thoroughly enjoyed the commentary :DD

minted (explicit) | myg

title: minted (explicit) pairing: street king!yoongi x street cart vendor!reader rating/genre: explicit (18+) ; angst , suspense , smut ; haegeum au , gang au summary: all you do is wake up, sell your fruit on the dusty streets below your flat, and go to sleep. but everything changes when a customer you always look forward to seeing turns out to be dangerous. really, really dangerous. note: again, this wasn't on the docket for 2024 until i saw one (1) mint yoongi edit on my pinterest feed💀 anyways, this is dedicated to hali @sailoryooons for ur belated bday, nary @joonary for being a cutie pie and letting me adopt the tangerine cart girl idea in general, and luce @minttangerines for ur url and for being a wonderful friend. love you all! warnings: this series may not be for everyone, language, violence, weapons (guns/knives/chopsticks/etc.), blood/wounds mentions, drugs, alcohol, murder, gang activity, poor reader is just trying to get through the day, mint!yoongi, haegeum!yoongi, tatted!yoongi, his eyebrow is pierced, tension, slow burn, choking, reader suffers from “my cabbages” levels of disaster, slight e2l, fight sequences, multiple future explicit scenes, yoongi deserves his own warning, chains but who is ever ever shocked, graphic depictions of violence drop date: august 5th, 2024, 9:03pm est word count: 9.4k aiyaaa✌ mood playlist: here

—

—

Ever since you could remember, gang activity in your town has run unchecked. 

Anything goes. Rough fights out of nowhere, car chases busting streets, or even random delinquents snatching food on the run, dust kicking up onto stock they left behind. 

And out of all the districts, yours is begrudgingly the second worst. 

Why? You still aren’t completely sure. But you do know that the darkest is reserved for the underbelly that only slithers in rumors. A place in which you will never find yourself. 

But you do wonder what must happen there to warrant the winning title because each day here is a battle to keep yourself afloat. 

All you do is sell fruit. Why are you fighting for your life every week? Why can’t you exchange goods for money in peace? If you could compare it to the movies you grew up watching on an outdated television, it’s a grungy reflection of the wild west.

But through all the shit you’ve chosen to endure, at least one person is always kind enough to buy his wares and go.

And today is no different.

You still don’t know his name. But you yearn to. Because his hair is the color of magic and rebellion, and his tattoos really set off that bright mop of locks. 

If those lethal, piercing eyes weren’t enough.

When he lifts three long digits, it takes all your strength to nod and get his purchase together. This is the part that never changes, either.

Just like always. One, three, or five fingers for tangerines. Never two, never four, and never any other fruits. 

It’s charming, in a way. As if he’s more particular than most about what he wants—a trait elusive to many.

Like clockwork, you would hand his order over in thin plastic, and he would walk away to hitch a ride on a passing cart. Just like he does right now with a lazy gait, white tee billowing from his jeans. 

Another day. Another exchange.

In the wavy heat of summer, you sigh. Wondering if anything is ever going to change, and if you would ever get to know more about your most frequent, most mysterious patron.

After a while, you do try talking to him. 

Those looks of confusion slowly turn into little hums or grunts, then into single words that keep you going for days. Even though you rarely hear it, his voice is just as attractive as he is. 

One day, you offer him a plantain, handing it over and telling him it’s on the house. 

“Thanks,” he says amongst the clinks and conversations of the street, pocketing the food away. 

When he does, you see a flash of black metal, and you already know what he’s carrying. You’re used to seeing all sorts of those around nowadays. In this district, you’d be shocked if he didn’t have an arsenal on his person while traveling through.

Besides. Even you have a couple collecting dust in your own flat, handed down by extended family but never used.

“If you ever need anything other than tangerines,” you start with a point to his pants, “Please buy those instead.” 

He’s unmoving. Blinks are all you get so you have no choice but to explain,

“I’m so tired of eating them with everything.” 

When he huffs in amusement, your heart flutters thrice. There’s no reason for a sheen of sweat and sticky mint locks to be so deadly. 

“Then eat something else,” is all the stranger advises before walking off. 

Well.

Even though you don’t have much of a choice, the guy does have a point. You wouldn’t be shocked in the slightest if his aim’s just as straightforward as his wit.

Once one exchange lasts longer than a sentence, the two of you start little conversations during his visits. Which prove more fatal than normal since he’d rest his tattoos on the top shelf of your cart. 

From what you can make out, there are creatures stretching in beautiful teal and vivid orange, and even striking white on his other arm. They ripple so well with his veins, a canvas that sways and hypnotizes with every drum of his fingers. 

You know what they symbolize, though it’s unique to have all of them together. 

Taboo, even. 

But you can’t hold back your admiration because of the sheer beauty. What would they feel like if you just… 

“You always stare this long?”

Shit. “Oh, sorry. I just… I rarely see anyone’s ink up close.”

To your dismay, he takes his arm back. “I don’t have a lot of time today, princess.”

“Right, sorry. Hold on,” you respond, cringing hard at blurting two apologies in a ten second span. 

Meanwhile, your way too handsome regular cocks a brow, clearly comfortable making you squirm as you hand over his bag. 

Effortless. In your chaotic life, It’s almost intoxicating feeling someone this resolute in their whole demeanor. If only you could be so commanding and assured one day. 

But here you stand instead, pretending to count fruit you one hundred percent know the stock of already. “Your art is really nice, by the way,” you admit to your inventory. “All the high-powers. I like what you picked.”

“Didn’t choose these.”

Ah. Way to assume things. 

Raising your head, you make to apologize a third time.

But he’s already retreating with his tangerines, hand stuffed in a pocket and beautiful waves a little less vibrant than you recall. 

“What.” 

“I worry sometimes.” 

His gaze lifts. “About me?” 

“Yeah.” 

You don’t know why you choose to say that of all things. But it’s honest. You always wonder about him and think about the weapon in his jeans. Does he use it? Does he ever need to? 

Maybe you should pick up a hobby or two.

Fingers resting dangerously close, he asks with a tilt of his head, “What would you do, doll? If something happened to someone like me.” 

Someone like him? What does that mean? 

Great. Now you have even more to wonder about, as if he knew that was your exact predicament.

You stare, roaming along his arms before meeting his eyes—almost. “Find someone else to buy my tangerines.” 

Huffing, his brows tick up with his mouth. “I respect that.” His attention doesn’t leave your face as he slowly takes his purchase. “See ya.” 

“Bye,” you whisper back, watching him go. More thoughts and concerns bouncing around your mind in the sticky heat of midday. 

These little nicknames he’s using also aren’t helping your issue in the slightest. 

It starts when you hear shouting from a block down.

“Here they come!”

“Bunch of idiots this time.”

“What do you mean this time?”

Rough raiders this early? They should know it’s almost time for Dragon’s sweep. Bold.

After you hear the telltale yells, clanks, and bangs, your section of the street braces for impact. 

And it swoops in like a whirlwind, ruffians tearing through, pillaging and stealing and swiping goods into thick woven baskets. 

Baskets? The usual suspects always carry leather bags. You assume because of their sturdiness and inconspicuous nature, but what do you really know.

Here it goes again. 

As your fruit is taken right from your cart, you sink to your toes, mourning the regular loss of your menu.

No use fighting. Like every other time, you all let it happen because there’s no point in trying to protect anything that isn’t valuable. Perishables and small homemade goods aren’t worth getting gutted over. Truly, the worst losses you suffer are when—

Your cart shifts violently before thieves topple it over, cracking one of your wheels and splitting the wooden boards in three places.

Springing to your feet, you douse the perpetrators in anger, “What the hell!”

“Oh, this was yours?” Someone chides while his cronies run past. “Thanks for the oranges, love!”

“They’re tangerines!” you correct at his retreating back, kicking your cart before yelping at your bad decision. “Damn it…”

Back to your knees you go. Head drooping, arms encircling, and disappointment pooling around like a shadow.

More shouts and feet in the road rampage through. Then it gets quieter. And quieter. 

Then it’s done.

After silence swells in the wake of chaos, groans start making their way down the street. 

“What’d they get from you this time,” you ask your neighbor, a charming old man selling anything from bowls to wide, round frying pans. 

Looking over his little wreckage, he blinks hard. “They got my woks. Nothing as bad as yours. You okay?” 

Walking over to help clean his mess up first, you bend down with a sigh, “I’ll be alright. But it still sucks.. My poor tangerines..” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Not much to do about it now,” you resign, all your energy taken from you, too. 

A little bit of time passes as you complete your usual round of help, though this raid was worse than others. As they all give their thanks, you keep thinking about how to make the whole situation better. Moreso for them than you because you’ve always been one of the least vulnerable ones on the block.

“You should find another place to sell, dear.” 

In disagreement, you slip into a saddened smile. “I can’t leave you guys,” you explain to the lady you’re holding pails for. “Who will help clean everything up?” 

“Don’t underestimate your elders now.” 

“Fair,” you respond through a chuckle, handing her one of the metal buckets. “If only better protection was an option around here.”

“You know the rules,” another shop owner drones through lingering spices, “Dragon won’t protect us if it isn’t in their own interests.” 

Unfortunately, he’s right. Every single raid that hasn’t coincided with a gang sweep goes overlooked. Even the city police don't bother coming down your street anymore, which is another issue in itself.

If only Tiger or Crane had been the high-powers in place instead. 

At least they seem to be more fair.

After you finish helping, you finally venture back to your own cart, realizing that the trek is a lot further than you thought. 

Did you really walk so far this time? The damage was dealt for much more than a block at this point. 

Not like you need to sprint back, though. What’s left to steal? Everything you got swept into those woven containers.

Still so odd…

But not as odd as the sight that greets you on your return. 

Because instead of seeing your wreckage of a cart tilted and abysmal, it’s upright and being mended.

By none other than your favorite set of hands.  

What the hell? What’s he doing here? You quite literally have nothing to give so there’s no reason for him to spare a second at your broken stand. 

Fast-walking, you hastily try to halt his help, “Oh, shit, you don’t have to—” 

“Course I don’t.” 

That shuts you up. In your split second of silence, you note with agony that his hair is messily tied in a minted bun. Are his sleeves bunched at his biceps, too? Great. What were you even telling him again? 

Ah, yes. You were telling this mystery of a man that he doesn’t have to literally put your stand back together. “Seriously, I got it.” 

“Don’t sweat it.” 

“But it’s my cart, I don’t need your—”

With one look over his shoulder, your mouth snaps shut. And suddenly can’t move to argue again. 

What the hell is up with today? 

Forget all that. What’s he doing? At least you’re familiar with all the shop owners and vendors on your block, though you can’t say you wouldn’t do the same thing for someone you don’t know. But this guy has always been so standoffish and barely approachable. So how is he lending both hands to help you right now? 

Whatever. If he’s gonna be as stubborn as this heat, you can be, too. 

Scanning the area for scattered tools, you find a sun-warmed hammer and get to work, fixing one end of the cart while he works on the other. When you feel his gaze on your working shoulder, it takes massive strength to ignore him—even if you wanna know what his issue is and why he smells really, really good this afternoon.

Looks like you need more nails for this board to fit. When your eyes find a couple on the ground, you clinch a second piece between your teeth while hammering in the first. 

Sounds stop at your side, but you wait until you pluck the metal nail from your mouth and stamp it in to look over.

Oh. He’s eyeing the hammer. Not you. Obviously. 

You wordlessly hand it over, arm slicked with exertion. Because after the day you’ve had, you don’t feel like everything needs a spoken sentence attached. 

It takes the guy a bit to take it from you, but when he does, he holds your stare. “Thanks.” 

You simply nod, eyes sticking to him as he works on the tattier side wait it looks almost new. Better than it has in a very long time. Did he really get that much done in the time you were gone? There’s been great care taken during his repair if that’s the case.  

Hmm. You finally learn something about your favorite customer. Maybe he’s just been a mechanic or carpenter this whole time? 

Contemplative, you get up on sore legs to walk to your cooler—something thankfully missed by the rough raiders. Digging through the clinkage, you retrieve a local beer you recently procured from the restaurant across the street. 

It’s not much. Absolute bottom shelf. But it’s all you got other than a few pieces of oni-coin, so he’s gonna have to deal with it.

When you offer the glass, your regular eyes it for a moment. More than enough time for you to get a good look at his striking floral top.

Well. Mechanic and carpenter are out of the question because that one piece of clothing looks more expensive than your entire apartment building.

Who even is this guy? Now you feel destitute handing him something so cheap.

Just when you think he’s gonna refuse, he takes the beer and smoothly shucks it open, suddenly making you wonder how a bracelet can do that and why it was so attractive.

God. You need to walk straight to the nearest inlet stream and dunk your head right in.

“Thank you,” you whisper, gulping at his full swigs. “You really didn’t have to do all this.” 

“Got some time to kill,” he shrugs. Standing, the man takes another sip, peering along the street with sunlit eyes. With the bottle near his mouth, he murmurs, “You really need to set up somewhere else, doll. This street’s turning into a hot spot.” 

Squinting up at the long lines of clothes and curtains floating in the breeze, you sigh at the building nearest. “I live close,” you sulk. “And this is the easiest place to get to.” 

Those are excuses. Just tell him the real reason you won’t venture out and plop yourself somewhere more profitable. Well, maybe not all of the reasons, but the main one. 

Leaning back on your cart, you stare at the loose dirt, swiping some with your shoes. “Maybe I’m just used to it at this point.” 

He won’t respond. Or he’ll respond in his own way, which is mostly silence. 

But a bright strand falls over his face before he hums, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

Many people have warned you at this point. It’s basically your stubborn and spiteful nature that’s making you stay in the first place. Why would you move when you chose to be here? Why leave a place you actively choose to call home? 

Fighting spirit quelled, you nod right to your stand as you count what’s salvageable. “I know, but I like it here.” When he lifts an unbelieving brow, you look away. “It’s true. But trust me, if there was a way to just make it all stop, I’d take it.” 

He takes another swig, both of you looking into the street and watching things slowly get back to normal pace. Adults and kids alike are back to wandering around, buying what’s left and offering condolences. 

“I’m not fixing another cart,” your patron turned repairman grunts, motioning to your wheel as he steps back. “So don’t fuck this one up.” 

Huh? It wasn’t your fault! All the accidents and chaos that blow through aren’t something you can control oh he’s grinning. Why is he grinning? Why do you feel hot all over? 

His teeth shine in daylight. “I’m messing with you.” 

Ah. 

This version of him is not good for you at all.

When he starts to walk away, you blurt out a quick, “Wait!” 

Shit! Why did you do that? What are you possibly supposed to say right now? All you wanted was to see him a little longer… And while staring at his backside would be more than enough, you kinda wanted to actually talk. 

What do you do? He stopped; he’s waiting. 

And he looks impatient as hell. 

Snapping into action, you round your cart and trot over, offering your name as if you didn’t just give up where you lived. 

Then—without thinking—you ask for his with the most curious, innocent, “What’s yours?” 

Silence has never been so booming.

In the dusty swirls of your street, you wait with a back that’s getting sweatier and colder with each passing second. 

Was that not okay to ask? Did you fuck up with a single question? 

Perfect. You just blew your one good thing about being out here. Wincing, you crush your words so hard you think your teeth will break into dust, drifting off into the very breeze wafting his striking locks. 

After a condescending puff, he only smirks.

Then he takes one step. And another. And another.

The air around you melts, weighing on your shoulders while lighting them aflame all at once. It’s a feeling you can’t describe to anyone else, because they would just need to stand next to this man to believe it. 

Checking to see if the street is clear, your best customer leans over. Slowly. Purposefully. “Yoongi,” he offers with a voice so handsome you’ll think about it for days. “But don’t fucking tell anyone.” 

Oh. 

Why did… you kinda like that? 

Blinking, you swallow. “I won’t.” 

This is when he’s supposed to just leave. He’d walk away, bag swinging with his strides. But ever keeping you on your sore toes, the man just chuckles low before rasping out the most devilish sentence in existence, 

“Always took you for a good girl.”

Then he backs away, turning on his heel and leaving you a statue in the street.

Yoongi. 

For a hardened soul, his name is so… 

Tender. 

For the next sixty days, you don’t get ransacked once. 

But there’s also been no sight of Yoongi. 

As the weeks trudge by, you can’t decide which outcome is worse.

The skies are magnificent today. But obviously at a molten price.

“Thank you for trying,” you say to a lovely wares owner before venturing back out into simmering streets. Exhaling, you wipe sweat from your brow, squinting before choosing to walk left or right. 

Left seems promising. 

You’ve been searching for hours now, perusing through shops, checking out vendors both nice and catty. But after a whole day’s search, you still haven’t found what you’re looking for. 

It’s nothing urgent or pressing. But you would at least like to be prepared. 

Since your initial mission is a bust, hopefully your next one makes up for it before you melt right into gravel and dirt.

Find a meal.

Walking along the busy roads, you pass a few options and keep them in mind, making sure to greet a fellow tangerine cart vendor with a smile. Hopefully they do well today.

A couple steps further, a giant cooler catches your eye. Seafood of all types lie inside along cubes of ice, and you weigh the pros and cons of smelling like fish just to have a cool head.

But before you can make any choices, the smell of spices and hearty soup softly pull your feet inside the restaurant nearby. 

What’s here? Noodles? You’re always down for that. Apparently even in scorching weather.

After ordering, you take your seat at a random middle table in a chair facing the entrance. 

Always facing the entrance.

Damn. You really need to accomplish what you set out to do. But sunset is fast approaching these days, and you aren’t anywhere close to home. All you have time for now is eating and heading out. 

The service here is quick, at least. You’re already thanking the owner for sliding a bowl in front of your sweaty form. 

With a head full of thoughts, you stare into nothing, stirring your noodles and waiting for the heat to die down. 

Maybe you should’ve just walked a shorter distance and checked the shops you originally wanted to browse. If things went to plan, you could’ve been back by now, freshly showered and curling up on a worn down bed. 

But instead, your feet are sore, your head is anything but washed, and you have to trek home empty-handed—on the first day off you’ve had in months. 

Defeated, you sigh, going back to your bowl and watching sliced vegetables swirl in aromatic broth. 

At least the food in this area seems good. And the fading decor really adds to the… 

Ambiance. 

Wait. 

Dragons. A lot of them. 

You can’t pull your eyes away from the crew walking in, bringing heat from the sweltering sun in their eyes and donning their telltale, striking teal. 

But you can only kid yourself for so long because the one that truly has your gaze tethered is the man in front. The one you haven’t seen in weeks. The one looking right back at you with a visage so shadowed you feel like moving tables to let him pass. 

…Yoongi? 

His jacket. The colors.

He’s in Dragon?

Suddenly his hair makes terrifying sense.

As his guys stalk through, you swallow hard, not expecting to see him and having no earthly idea what to do with this harrowing information. There are so many thoughts overlapping each other that they all amalgamate into one huge batch of sludge. 

Aren’t you smack dab in Crane territory? There’ve been white suits peppering the streets everywhere. 

So what the hell is Dragon doing here?

From the slight confusion pinching his forehead, you know Yoongi didn’t expect to see you, either. Which makes it even weirder when he slowly takes your chopsticks right from your fingers. 

Hold on, what—

“What are you—”

A lone, long digit over lips is the only response you get, silencing you immediately before you whip your head around to watch him rush past. 

All of them waste no time tearing up the stairs, a myriad of blues blending with gritty paint and smoke. 

And just like that, your reunion is over. 

Home. You need to go home. Leave, leave, leave, because something is bound to be going down upstai—

A thud faintly shoots out into the staircase, and you spin around again in your chair, eyes snapping to the ceiling. 

Shit. 

Even though you’re on high alert, you realize with a quick sweep that no one else is noticing. Or moving. Or even paying attention to anything else but their own company. 

Does no one else care about the commotion? Do hits happen in this area that often? 

Mind running, you can’t decide what to do. Because even though Yoongi’s guys have plenty of weapons, he clearly had nothing since he needed to borrow your damn eating utensils.

Another crash rains dust on conversations around your shoulders, causing you to look up one last time. 

Go home, go home, go home. In what universe would Yoongi himself ever need your help here? 

With one more look at your noodles, you curl your lips before biting a side. 

Already yelling at yourself for choosing to book it towards the back staircase. 

Shit shit shit this is so stupid. This is probably the worst decision you’re gonna make in your life.

But your gut is churning thinking about Yoongi. Even a seasoned swordsman needs expertise to wield mere chopsticks and win. 

Fuck, if you succeeded in your search today, you probably could’ve been a little more useful. 

Swiping your own set of red from a nearby cup, you hightail it up, slowing as you round a corner and immediately hear multiple clangs and scuffles beyond the last turn.

Stop. You can go back. You can still turn around and go home.

An inhale.

Your feet propel you up and into a dark hall. As you slowly slide along the wall, your gut churns and churns. At a bang, you crouch with a skipped beat of your heart.

This is really, really dumb. But you can’t stop yourself and you have no clue why.

Nothing happens around you. So you keep going. With each careful slide of your foot, you get closer and closer to the noise.

Approaching the corner, you very slowly stick your head out for a peek.

And it’s pure commotion. Pure chaos. Holy shit, what is going on? 

Fuck, there’s already a body lying limp on the floor meters away—

Your chopsticks. You wanna hurl.

But a man flies out of a room ahead before he grips and wrestles with another, and you reel yourself back to avoid being seen by either one.

Where is Yoongi? Is he okay? Did he leave already?

You give one more peek, scanning the long raucous corridor as swift as you can to see any sign of.. Mint.

He’s still here. How’s he just walking so nonchalant as his crew fucks shit up? Crap, he just went into a room and out of sight. 

“Where’d they go?”

“Upstairs!”

Fuck, that was in the restaurant! Get up get up you have no choice but to hide now. 

With pounding steps, you rush forward and book it, entering a large room to dive behind some steel shelving and large, woven baskets right as more Dragons come in behind with fists clenched.

Breathe. Steady. Calm the fuck down.

The grunts rush to the hallway to join the fray, and you wait in the now pungent solitude of your room. With only a still body to accompany you. 

What do you do? What even can you do? 

Just as nerves grip your stomach like a vice, Yoongi strides into the open area, heading right for the exit and not even sparing his kill a glance. 

Go. Go now. Why can’t you move? Why aren’t your hands letting go of your cold confinement? It smells like death and blood and you need to leave with the only person you know—or don’t—so why can’t your feet just fucking—

Someone else slithers into the room. A man in brown with a knife. A knife, a knife, a knife he’s getting faster and Yoongi doesn’t hear him the guy is too quiet fuck! “Yoongi!” 

It all happens before your brain can paint the bloody picture. Shooting out from your hiding spot, you race towards the assassin, slamming into their lanky build just in time.  

Both of you topple to the ground, your target roaring in pain and twisting like hell to fight back fuck you didn’t get him how you needed to he’s got you—

Pain erupts in your hip as you’re grabbed, the room spinning as you’re thrown to the side and your ear hitting concrete right before chopsticks ping down. Thinking quick, you knee the guy as hard as you can, scrambling to finish the job because if you don’t, you’re gone gone gone.

“Bitch!” Your opponent clutches your shirt right as you reach for the nearest red pair, seizing your throat right as you grip and swing them around to stab the other side of his neck with a yell.

Luckiest timing of your life. 

“Hng!” Fuck, he’s still holding down hard and choking, choking, squeezing. “Fuck you!” 

Fight back. Keep the weapon inside he’s too strong finish him finish him. 

Darkness. Ink drops in water. Your vision taints as your grip loosens, and you can only hope that Yoongi got away safe. He had to. At least you… Were able to do… 

This one thing… 

…

Oxygen and life rush back into your lungs, color burning through your esophagus as you gasp for sweet sweet air. Right as you come to, all you witness is the heavy heel of a boot twisting the forearm latched onto you. 

And when the shoe leaves your vision. Lifeless eyes stare back.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck that was close. Oh god. You actually did it. Oh fuck. 

Coughing, you rush up as you get tugged and pulled right against chains and embroidery, your ears ringing with a gravelly command and glass breaking in the nearby corridor,

“Don’t say my fuckin’ name so loud.” 

“Excuse me?” 

Yoongi roughly lets you go before pinning you with pure anger. Not to say thank you. Not to tell you any words of gratitude at all. The only other thing he finds the need to say is simply, 

“You shouldn’t be up here.” 

What the fuck. You just murdered someone for him and this is all you get? Eyes welling, you feel your body slick and sticky with crimson when you turn, coughing and spitting out regret before you wheeze, wheeze, wheeze, “That’s—that’s all you have to say?” 

Dread swirls around your stomach like poison.

But the sternness from before completely vanishes as Yoongi lifts your chin. His eyes scan your throat and chest, and you rip your head away from his touch because he is not excused just yet. 

“It’s not mine,” you snap, knowing exactly what he’s looking for and what you must look like to him. Dirty. Gross. Certainly a far image from the girl selling tangerines.

But your face is gently held again, and somehow this softer turn carries more strength to swivel you forward. 

Why is Yoongi still looking? Now he’s holding your gaze as if he’s never seen you before. What’s that about? You’re still the same, the same, the same.

…Are you?

More crashes and shots are heard down the hall, and Yoongi snaps his head up in an instant. 

God, you smell. You reek. Your nose is tainted and your hands even more so. There’s no way he’s gonna have anything to do with you now. 

But you get the shock of the century when the man commands you to come along. “Let’s go.” 

Absolutely not. This is all you got in you for a lifetime. “What? No, no, no. No way, I’m going home.”

“And they’ll follow you the whole way back.” 

“I—I didn’t mean to—” 

Shots ring out before grunts barrel out into the short hallway. All of them piling out from crevasses and hidden passages. 

You give one more look at the two men now crumpled on the ground, bile rising up and threatening to spill. 

“Tough shit, princess. You did, now live with it.” 

Live with it. How poetic. 

You were protecting him. You did what you had to do. But you have blood on your hands again and now Yoongi will see you as something else besides a fucking street vendor. 

“Are you coming or not?”

You’re gonna puke your guts out.

With a stilted cry, you bend to snatch your weapons up yet again—gagging at the squelches and much deeper red—before following Yoongi’s long steps. 

Your hands. They’re shaking so bad you can’t even pocket the chopsticks properly. But you finally get them down, crushing your palms and squeezing just to stop them from rattling. 

When you wait behind Yoongi checking the corner, you turn around to make sure you aren’t being followed. And seeing the hallway still a moving mass of broken glass and hard swings, you think you’re safe. 

The stairs feel so different on the way down. Is that because you feel completely changed? There’s no coming back from this. Another side of you died right alongside those two people upstairs. 

No time to think about that. You have to follow his lead. And he’s slowing down why is he slowing down? 

Oh. Normal. Be normal to not garner suspicion. You have to do the same. 

Wait. You can’t go down there with a shirt full of stained evidence! Grabbing him and pulling back, you whisper, “Yoongi—”

His growl is so fierce your head spins, “What the fuck did I say about my n—”

“My clothes,” you panic. “I can’t.” 

Yoongi gives you a quick look before gripping the duffle strap. Brows lowered, he grits out while dumping it, “Lose the shirt.” 

“What?” 

“Do it.” 

“Where’d he go?”

“It’s gone!”

Your heads snap up before you lock eyes. And he doesn’t need to say anything to show you what he’s thinking behind those minted bangs.

As you hastily strip, your brain works in weird ways. Instead of processing how you very much need to hurry the fuck up, you lament the bra of choice today. And how sweaty you look. Because of course those are your thoughts of choice right now. 

Something’s dumped on you before your shirt hits the ground, and you think about its warmth before you realize exactly what’s on your shoulders. “You sure?” 

He’s already heading down. Oh god. You’re really putting this on shit shit shit. 

You’re quick to slip into the material before checking for your chopsticks, rushing down the rest of the stairs to meet him. Nerves firing on all cylinders, you follow Yoongi out of the restaurant with a single, disturbing thought. 

This is going too well. 

But you’re passing tables, you’re walking by the fish display, don’t fucking sob you’re out in the street now. 

Relax. You’re walking. His white tee is flawless and people have no clue you left a bloody shirt on a stairwell. Don’t fucking cry.

But suddenly.

Shouting erupts behind you both, just as a cop car rolls past the restaurant only to get surrounded. 

And with one look back, your brain freezes. Right before Yoongi sounds a little too delighted to say something so foreboding,

“Looks like you’re in it now.”

Adrenaline spikes as you burst into motion. Hot summer air stings your lungs as legs propel you forward, with nothing in sight except for your partner in high crime. 

Yoongi’s right. 

You’re in it now. 

And just like the delinquents that you despise, the two of you both kick up dust on the run. 

You’re really doing this. 

Holy shit, you’re really doing this and there’s no waking up, no jolting awake, no pinching yourself to know that it’s all a dream. The only thing pinching is your sides, fresh stings of karma with each heavy footstep through crowded streets, buildings, levels, wherever the fuck you go. 

At least Yoongi is commanding as he leads you through the city—clearly from a heap of experience. Though rattled, you follow him with more adrenaline than questions. Because running is all you know. Run, run, run, escaping is your only objective and you cannot let up even once.

Your feet pelt down a staircase before you leap onto a disposal bin, impact denting as you follow Yoongi’s long strides across the colorful tops. Shouts and metal pings echo behind you as your chasers catch up, and you grit your teeth so hard they rattle as you jump to alley ground. “Fuck!”

Searing, searing pain rushes through your legs as you twist and wind through busy corridors, squeezing into the gaps Yoongi finds as he barrels in front. 

“Get back here!” 

“You fuckers!”

Who’s following you? Are they even Crane? You don’t see a shred of white on their clothes at all so are they working for some random guy Yoongi stole from?

When you watch him turn at the shouting, all thoughts vanish as your gut churns. 

He’s grinning.

You just killed someone for him. And he probably has more blood on his hands than you can imagine. 

And he’s… enjoying this? 

You feel sick, mind blazing with a million red warning signs. How could you ever have had feelings for h—

You bounce off a passerby as you run, grunting at the sudden pain in your shoulder when another person rams into your back and topples you over, dirt scraping into your palms and knees. 

Shit shit shit it’s so dusty on the ground and all you see are traveling shoes where are you? Where is he did he leave did he even see you fall? It’s too condensed here there’s no way he’s not taking the next chance to disappear.

Forget all of that, they’re coming. The chasers are coming and you see them see you down get up get up get up what the fuck get up now.

Ripping out a groan, you rush to your feet as soon as someone swoops in, bashing someone right behind you with someone’s crate of fruit. 

Yoongi? He waited for you?

“Go!” 

Both of you hightail it with you now in the lead, and your eyes buzz as you slip through holes in the crowd. Left, left, right, around, left again, between. 

An intersection ahead. Yes. Lose everyone in the vehicle traffic or hitch a ride with a stranger. Fascinating how the survival tactics that spawn from your block develop in real time on the run.

Almost there, almost there, almost there—fuck! 

Whiffing in front of your nose, a metal weapon smacks the ground at your toes. 

Flailing, you dodge the next swing, ducking before you see a black duffle smack your assailant in the face. 

Keep going. Finish him and get away. As Yoongi shifts left, you lunge forward, sending a swift punch to the guy’s ribs that hurt like hell goddamn oh fuck someone brought a knife!

“Yoongi!” Just as the surrounding civilians yell and clear out, you rush toward his aid before you’re tackled, air whooshing out of your lungs as your back pummels into gravel. Fuck fuck fuck this masked woman also has a dagger. A thick one. Don’t let her win don’t let her win hold on for dear fucking life. 

Did you think you’d find yourself in a grudge match to keep metal from sinking into your chest today? No. Ever? Also no. 

Your arms are shaking. Shots ring out. Sweat is your enemy. The street is in uproar. Where’s Yoongi did he hear you? Fuck, the metal tip is pricking you now this is— 

Mercifully, your attacker yelps as something slams into her side, dark brown clothes crumpling before you’re hoisted upward and dragged back into the crowd. 

“Let me go or I’ll kick your ass—”

“You good?” 

Oh, it’s Yoongi. Again. Okay. Eyes swirling, you lock onto the gun held flush in his other hand before you nod. “I—I think so—”

“Then keep up.” 

Winding between people, you’re only focused on getting away. But when you catch glimpses of him, he’s back to his glint. He’s exhilarated.

If only you were both doing anything else. If only you weren’t so queasy and guilty and loathing of your own self.

Right as you finally burst into bustling traffic, Yoongi boldly stops a taxi at its hood, motioning you to follow him inside. 

Shocked but head reeling, you open the door closest to your sweaty legs and slide in. 

And before you can even greet the shouting driver, Yoongi pulls you to his side and rushes something out in your ear, 

“Kiss me.” 

“I said get out!” 

“What?” 

“Come here.” 

You’ve kissed before. Not many times, but enough to know that this man knows what the fuck he’s doing because you feel like your soul just abandoned you to exist in this car forever. You don’t know why this is happening or where this came from, but his lips feel as soft as his name and as deadly as the gun he’s pulling on your driver—

“Han Station,” he drawls, halting time and space. “Or your papers are burned by morning.” 

Oh. 

You were just… Oh. 

Lips puffed and head swirling, you sit frozen in your spot, marinating in the realization that the best kiss of your life was a mere distraction. And as you watch Yoongi keep his aim straight, you assume he probably didn’t even think much of it, either. 

“…I thought you looked familiar,” the driver slowly grits, hands gripping his wheel before he shakes his head. “You’re a little far from home.”

You think that’s all he’s gonna say. But his eyes are sharp in the rear view mirror, knowing a gun is pointed straight at his dome. “Aren’t you.”

What is he getting at you need to leave fast—

“Agust.” 

…Huh? 

Agust? 

This is the first time you feel a heartbeat against your arm, and you hold a breath as Yoongi tightens his fingers on the gun. 

When he doesn’t reply, the car fills to the brim with tension, and you feel crushed by its liquid weight. 

Don’t you have to go? Aren’t you in a chase? Are you getting a little too hot?

When you go to slide to your own side of the car for some space, the hand around your shoulder squeezes. 

And you’re more confused, exhausted, and thrown off than ever. 

“Han Station,” is all Yoongi—Agust?—repeats, voice ice. “Now.”

To which the taxi driver stares, standing his ground until he breaks eye contact first to obey. 

“Fuckin’ Dragons and their useless whores.”

Oh, fuck that. 

Before you can lunge forward to outright strangle the man, Yoongi does something that has your eyes magnifying into saucers and hands shooting up to your mouth.

He fires the gun straight at the man’s thigh, yelps leaving both the driver's throat and yours holy fuck! 

“You bastard—”

“You’ll live. Drive.”

“Fucking—fuck!”

The car shifts through traffic, swerving left and right and cutting off slower vehicles. When force smushes you closer into Yoongi’s side, you can’t help but notice how fit he is, and how calm he’s being despite the whole chase. Despite that spike in adrenaline. Despite blowing a hole in a stranger’s leg for six words.

He also feels really, really good against your side, but you can’t let that matter anytime soon. There’s absolutely no way you can let this dangerous man in, especially after this entire nightmare of a day. 

So you swallow, trying to compartmentalize because you’ll reach insanity if you don’t.

Does anyone out there know you took a life minutes ago? Or hours ago? You just kissed a criminal five and a half minutes ago. Would they care about that, too?

The window is suddenly much more interesting than any of your wandering, slingshot thoughts. 

Wait. It’s very pretty in this area, and you finally can tell some semblance of where you are. Because you only know of one part of the city that looks like this, and it’s deep in Crane territory. 

Did you both really make it this far? 

Carefully tended to, it’s a lot greener on the sidewalks, and more open on the roads. And it’s on one of these roads that you finally notice the sunset, gold accents shining on sleek street signs and the tops of buildings that seem much more at rest than you do. 

Rest. Sleep. Home. 

With the luck you’re having, it would be a miracle and a half to reach even one of the three. 

Did you get followed? You don’t know how much longer you can run, so you really fucking hope not. 

“Almost there,” Yoongi whispers, voice scratching your ear in the worst and best ways. “When we get out, move your ass.” 

When you watch the wary, heavy breathing driver in his rear view mirror, you bite out, “I know how to get out of a car, thanks.” 

“Just listen to me.”

“Why?”

“Do you trust me?” 

“No.” 

That came out quicker than you could stop it. But Yoongi only lets silence come between you before he squeezes your shoulder. When he speaks, you can hear how carved out his smirk is without even seeing it, 

“Good girl.”

And you spoke the truth. It wouldn’t have come out so fast if it weren’t. But you know to at least follow his advice here because he’s kept you alive thus far. He didn’t need to drag you out and protect you the whole way, so it’s not like he would steer you wrong here. Right? 

Right? 

“Here,” Yoongi orders before the car slows to a stop. 

That wasn’t so bad. You can get out normally now so why did Yoongi say—

Right as your foot hits ground, the taxi peels out, forcing you to throw yourself out of the side before the rest of your body leaves with it. 

Fucking hell that hurt what the fuck was that for? 

Dirt and dust coats your tongue before you do anything to spit it out. Saliva rushes from your glands as you cough and hack, all while feeling every muscle group in your body begging to not stand up. 

But you feel rough, commanding hands on your arms. “You good?”

“Yeah—”

“Then get up. Get up.”

Straining and wincing like hell, you follow Yoongi’s lead yet again. Because you hear cars rolling up with bad intentions and that means you have to sprint again. 

What the fuck did Yoongi steal? And how the hell are these guys still on your tail? Their resources have got to be as good as Crane’s and yet, they don’t feel the same at all. 

You’re hobbling, but you’re going. You’re rushing. You’re going to get through this alive. 

Instead of heading into the underground, you find yourself ascending a flight of steps. Rumbles and rattles hit your ears as you realize exactly what kind of station this is—one you haven’t seen anywhere in your district. 

Han Station is a floating railway? 

Holy shit, where are you?

Yoongi skids around a corner before you plant hard to stop yourself, only to see him clash with someone before something connects right with your stomach, and you crumple before you feel a solid hit to your head. 

Oh.

The world spins and moves as you hear vibrations, slowed sounds that could be shouts. Gunshots? Or maybe songs? You don’t truly know but your head is aching—

Your arm rushes up to block something before your body follows, and you scream before gripping whatever you can and flipping a whole body forward. 

Reality crashes back into your ears as you snap out of your head. 

You haven’t had to do that maneuver in forever. Was muscle memory more than enough?

“Come on!”

Go. Go, follow him, both of you need to get to the rail shit it’s leaving!

The blaring reverberates through the air, pinging off metal and wheels screeching on the track lines as you bolt for the open doors.

Mid-stride, Yoongi swings to look at the people barreling up the stairs. “One more time: do you trust me?”

“No!”

“Good”—his hands grip your waist—“Jump!”

Head empty, you leap onto the railcar right as it starts to pick up speed, and you watch in horror as Yoongi empties his clip behind him until he can’t anymore. 

“Yoo—” Fuck, what was his name? He seems to not prefer the one you call him and that has to be for good reason. What was it?

You’re leaving. He’s gritting his teeth while hitting the bottom of his gun but he needs to get up! What was his fucking name! 

“Agust!” 

Yoongi finally whips his head around, dashing to the end of the train and straining to carry the duffle. 

He needs to launch it or leave it behind. There’s no way he’s not being weighed down so hard. “Here!” you yell, knowing that look is only reserved for people he doesn’t want to trust. It’s normal. But it still stings. “Hurry up!”

After one more second, he swings it around and flings, leaping onto the side handrail after you get blasted by the bag holy fuck that hurt. 

He was running with this the whole time? No wonder his shoulders are so cut this is heavy.

Straining, you peek out into the wind, seeing Yoongi holding on and scooting along thin steprails towards your awaiting hands.

Shit, this is dangerous. Buildings and the city below fly by, and a parallel train whooshes and roars past as you finally tug him inside with shaky wheezes.

Just like that.

You made it out.

What the fuck. You did it. No one else was able to get onto the train. You’re safe for now. 

Finally, finally, finally able to breathe. 

But goddamn, you both stand out like blood on a blank page.

As you struggle to fully stand, you notice everyone else on the train—well-kept, carrying themselves in sleek linens and lush outfits, hair done beautifully and to perfection. 

Which makes it unsurprising that plenty of them regard the pair of you with suspicion and morbid curiosity. While intrigue covers the one with an unfairly handsome face, zings of jealousy and judgment fire your way. 

You feel so out of place. You are so out of place. But that doesn’t give anyone the right to look at you like filth. The words from the taxi driver pierce your brain again, and you feel rage and pain bubble up to your tongue,

“Anyone got something they wanna sa—”

But Yoongi does something that has your brain chemistry altering because he casually bends a knee in front of you while holding the top rail, forcing you back into the side of the train car and only seeing his jewelry. 

When your eyes snap to his, he regards you before peering outside. “Stop,” he mutters. “You're causing a scene.”

“Me?” Oh, he has some nerve. “What did I do, you’re the one—”

“Quiet.”

Ridiculous. Huffing, you let disagreement tug your lips while joining him in watching the world go by. 

Realizing with a pang that you are probably never getting back home. You’re never gonna see your favorite neighbor with his woks and caterpillar eyebrows. All the produce you were planning to sell will only succumb to mold and time. 

Your tangerines… 

When a tear falls, it glints in your reflection before quickly being swiped away. 

No. Don’t do any of that here where people can see—where he can see. No one will know what the hell you just went through today. Be normal, strong, normal. 

The ride lasts a little longer, with people coming and going during each stop. When there are seats open, neither you nor Yoongi move to take them. The two of you stay glued where you stand.

Silent, together, and covered in hidden blood.

The next stop seems to be in a quieter sector of the city. All around you are buildings you’ve never seen before stretching miles into the sky, and the streets are so neatly paved you’re convinced they’re fake. 

“This is us,” Yoongi whispers, hand guiding your hip to move toward the doors.

Skin scorching under his touch, you can only nod.

Where are you now? Where are you getting off? 

You both exit the train with a few others, and you watch with heightened curiosity as they carry satchels and wear shoes that look horribly uncomfortable. As you move down the steps, you keep craning your neck to take everything in, and more questions fill your head than answers. 

But the truth remains even as you and Yoongi stop in front of your destination.

You cannot run anymore. Even if more of whoever those guys were showed up, you may just choose to sit down instead of take another stride. Besides, your body is still running a thousand steps even though you haven’t moved since getting on the train anyway. After today, the chase may never stop.

“We’ll stay here.” 

We? Stay? 

“Here? This place is…” You keep peering up and up, the top of the building so high your neck hurts. It’s so foreign and magical your only adjective is a quiet, “Nice.” 

At your side, Yoongi seems annoyed when he asks, “Expect something different?” 

“Yeah, like… I dunno, a secret lair or something.” 

Air whooshes from his nostrils, but there’s a stark absence of a smile. Looking up at the building, too, he explains something that you’ve never heard of before,

“We’re in a grey zone. No one will follow us here.” 

Right. Because that somehow makes sense to regular civilians like you. Because you are one, are one, are one. “Allegedly,” you scoff, not knowing what to believe anymore.  

Yoongi pauses before heading up, and his agreement makes you look. “Allegedly.” 

Mm. 

After taking the tiny steps to the entrance, you wonder what he must be thinking bringing your haphazard look in tow. 

Because he could’ve left you behind at any point in time. But he didn’t. What does that mean? Why is he keeping you alive and at his side?

While you’re taking in the opulent and vast lobby, Yoongi guides you toward the front desk, shifting the duffle on his shoulder. 

This place is gorgeous. Nothing like you’ve ever seen. How were they able to install a waterfall in a building? What kind of money does this so-called grey zone have? 

Yoongi nods toward the concierge, who quickly nods back and scurries away and into a room.

If you weren’t so tired, you could probably make something of that exchange. But you are very much exhausted so frankly, you don��t give a shit right now. 

Although. You do give a shit about the fingers suddenly interlacing with your own. As your hand is held, you shoot your best client a look so potent he stares back. “What now,” you snip, question low and dripping with distrust. 

Unfazed, Yoongi slowly pulls you into his side, a steady hand coming up to wrap around your tired hips. So nonchalant, so lax, so confusing as he murmurs,

“Just wanted to.”

Your heart trips into the next beat.

On sore legs, you wait until the concierge comes back with a key, eyes swiping over you as if they finally noticed your existence. Which seems to perplex them as they hand over the metal device.

And Yoongi just takes it, not a word said before he directs you across the lobby to what look like elevators.

Even these look fancy as fuck. Wherever you are and whatever this place is, you feel even more out of place than on that judgy train. 

A hotel worker bows before he motions to the opening doors. “Nice to see you again,” he murmurs to the ground, seemingly expecting the same non-response given to the front desk. “Would you like the usual, Mister—” 

“No,” Yoongi clips him off. “Not this time.” 

“Understood.” 

Brows pinched, you’re starting to get a weird feeling. 

How does everyone know Yoongi so well here? He said this was a grey zone, which you’d think would be akin to a neutral or non-threatening one. So why does it feel like he’s got this area on lock? Who exactly are you getting into an elevator with? 

…Who exactly did you save? 

Yoongi was right when he said you’re in it now. But faced with more questions surrounding him than anything or anyone else, you’re starting to wonder what pit of hell you dropped yourself into. 

Especially after catching the look of utter panic from the serviceman. 

Right before sliding doors shut the world out. 

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⟶ what do we feel! | 🥢 join the taglist 🥢 | masterlist

a/n: thank you all for being so patient as i work through this! it was originally supposed to be a oneshot, but i like, need characters to get to know and learn about one another before heading into spice lmao. I NEED PLOT OK. THERE WILL BE LOTS OF SMUT I PROMISE DSHFKDSF we just gotta get through the slow burn first >:)) a/n 2: if there's something you liked about this or a line/scene/whatever thing you enjoyed, feel free to let me know! feedback is never expected, but always appreciated. if the interest level is high, that adds motivation like no other. thank you all for reading! ++ feedback box: ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that are too shy to reblog with a review, comment on this, or send a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a comment dropbox :D feedback can be as short/sweet or as long as you’d like! ⇥ here! ++ more links: ⇥ masterlist  ⇥ minted masterlist (coming soon!)