#and the actions and choices he makes throughout the series is telling enough so

[ruporas]

I don't know if this is a heavy question to ask- it may be. Feel free to ignore it.

But I was questioning myself if it was even an okay thing to ship Tristamp! vash x tristamp! wolfwood due to the age gap???

In the manga it was proven ww was of age (since the treatments went over a course of years) but it wasn't so clear in tristamp, especially with the whole forced growth sequence being more cut short than the manga. He may be in the body of a man but, isn't he still a child? is what I mean to ask.

At the end of the day I know they are all fictional and to block if I don't like but it still has me wondering.

I've seen a lot of people simultaneously pull "dni pedos" (which is more than okay and I agree) but then also go and ship what they ship.

I'm just genuinely confused I think. Is there something I am missing? or is he still a child in a man's body?

I don't know who else to ask, because I also know at the end of the day you're just an artist on the other end of the line. I'm sorry 😭

yeah, it's confusing because stampede never states it directly, but i'm certain that wolfwood is an adult from the brief glimpses of time shown in stampede itself and in trusting the studio themselves.

as we saw with rollo, he was experimented on for 5 years before ending up like this

and then we see him again in this same state 20 years later in episode 5. we get concrete numbers for rollo who we can estimate to be in his 20s when he dies. see here too that elendira, 20 years ago, also still looks like that, the same in the present. i'm saying all of this to dissuade any arguments that might be like "wolfwood should look older and not the same as he did in the flashback of ep 6" because there are only so many 3d models orange studio can make and design. i also think that ep 5 itself is meant to exemplify the quick years that can go by when in reference to a flashback.

the mention of wolfwood aging "in just a few months" shouldn't be an indicator of his age because narrative-wise, they only brought that up to emphasize him being a s+ grade and unique and to highlight how much he's suffered in just a short period of time. wolfwood's flashback is put together in one(1) episode, much of it is used to highlight the bond between him and livio in their childhood because that's the point of his arc. because of that, any scenes that shows him working under the eye of michael are all cut because it isn't important at this time of the show. there's a huge time gap missing in wolfwood's history because studio orange chose specific years to give weight to the arc they wanted to present to us first.

this is like the only scene we get of him doing his job under the eom, at the beginning of ep 6

and him here is different from how he is here.

so from the show itself, i think those are the obvious points that suggests wolfwood is not Still 10 years old when he gets sent to retrieve vash.

in reference to my second point of believing in the studio -- because they heavily based stampede off of maximum, i find it Hard to believe they'd randomly make wolfwood a minor because it genuinely serves no benefit to his story to make that change. there would be less weight to his bond with vash because wolfwood has always been the character to challenge vash, they're meant to be equals. much of maximum and 98, Even Badlands Rumble, play up the significance of vash and wolfwood's relationship and how the two can argue and depend on each other as people with similar life experiences. orange studio pour love into stampede and respects nightow and his craft and as a result, i think they'd keep vash and wolfwood on the same level in this adaption too.

all and all, they're both adults in previous versions and they're both adults in this version. final phase will probably give room for more of wolfwood's past experiences now that we know most of vash's story, maybe that would resolve any confusion.

hope that helps!

[longing-for-rain]

Katara and Mutuality in Relationships

There are lots of conflicting opinions about which characters Katara felt attraction towards, which characters she didn’t, and how long she felt that attraction. I see in most cases, people point to quick clips of her faintly blushing or kissing another character on the cheek as evidence, but I think these kind of takes miss the nuance of the purpose attraction serves in a story.

Most importantly, I see these characters treated as if they are actually people capable of making their own decisions. It’s important to remember that these are fictional characters. They don’t make their own choices; the writers make their choices for them for the purpose of telling a story. From that standpoint, it’s more valuable to examine how a character’s story and narrative themes tie into their relationships with other characters. Animators can shove in a kiss or a blush wherever they want, but it’s harder to demonstrate through storytelling how and why two characters might feel attraction towards one another, and how a relationship between them would develop both characters and contribute to the overarching themes of the story.

In other words, when discussing which characters Katara is “attracted” to, I’m discussing which relationships and actions within the narrative build on her established story and arc. Romance is always integrated into a story for a reason, and considering that reason is important.

Unfortunately, ATLA is very much a product of its time in this way. It’s easy to see what romance adds to the arcs of the male characters—but not so much with the female characters. All three canon relationships (kataang, sukka, and maiko) follow this trend to some degree. The primary purpose of the woman in this narrative is to act as a prize for the man for performing some good deed. Once they’re together, she ceases having her own motivations and becomes an extension of the male character she’s dating. This is pretty blatant with Suki—she barely had a personality in that later seasons; she is there to be Sokka’s girlfriend. Similarly, Katara becomes a completely different character—she’s even animated differently—when the narrative pushes her into romantic scenes with Aang. Her character is flattened.

So what is Katara’s arc, and how do the romantic interactions she has throughout the series contribute to this?

Well, that could be a whole other essay itself, but to put it simply, Katara’s arc is one of a young girl devastated by grief at a young age clinging to hope that she has the power to fight and change the world for the better. Which she does as she gains power and confidence throughout the series—culminating in her defeating Azula in the finale.

But the part I want to focus on here is how Katara connects with other characters. She connects with them over shared experiences of grief and loss.

Take Haru, for instance.

Haru: After the attack, they rounded up my father and every other earthbender, and took them away. We haven't seen them since.

Katara: So that's why you hide your earthbending.

Haru: Yeah. Problem is…the only way I can feel close to my father now is when I practice my bending. He taught me everything I know.

Katara: See this necklace? My mother gave it to me.

Haru: It’s beautiful.

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

Haru: It’s not enough, is it?

Katara: No.

This isn’t just a throwaway moment; it’s an important character moment that leads up to growth and the progression of Katara’s overall story, both in this individual episode and in the whole series.

Katara finds her power in the connections she’s able to make with other characters. It’s a powerful driving force for her that makes her a strong character even before her bending abilities develop. Imprisoned was such an important episode to establish who Katara is and what her power is, and adds so much to her arc.

But there is one line in particular from the above exchange that also stands out: Haru says “it’s not enough, is it?” and Katara agrees. Even this early in the series, we’re establishing the fact that despite her drive and hopeful outlook, Katara feels deeply hurt, she feels a deep sense of loss that she opens up about to other characters in moments like these. But unlike Haru…Katara can’t go rescue her mother. Her mother is dead, and we see her grapple with that grief throughout the series.

Another character she reaches out to like this is Jet.

Jet: Longshot over there? His town got burned down by the Fire Nation. And we found The Duke trying to steal our food. I don't think he ever really had a home.

Katara: What about you?

Jet: The Fire Nation killed my parents. I was only eight years old. That day changed me forever.

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

Jet: I’m so sorry, Katara.

Another important note about Jet is that there are explicit romantic feelings from Katara in this episode. Again, Katara empathizes with another character through a shared sense of loss. Sadly, in this case, Jet manipulated her feelings and tricked her into helping in his plot to flood the village…but those feelings were undeniably there.

That was the tragedy in this episode, but it also gives the audience so much information about Katara as a character: what motivates her, and what she wants. Katara is established as a character who wants someone who will connect with her and empathize with her over her loss—her greatest sense of trauma. She wants to help others but also receive support in return. The reason why she was smitten with Jet, beyond just initial attraction, is because he gave her a sense of that before Katara realized his true motivations.

A lot of people make the claim that Aang is good for Katara because he also feels a sense of great loss and trauma. And while on paper that’s true…does he really demonstrate that? I just gave two examples of characters Katara connected with this way, and both responded with deep empathy to what she said. Very early on in the show—the third episode—Katara attempts to connect with Aang the same way. How does he respond?

Katara: Aang, before we get to the temple, I want to talk to you about the airbenders.

Aang: What about 'em?

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

Aang: Just because no one has seen an airbender, doesn't mean the Fire Nation killed them all. They probably escaped!

Just compare this exchange to Haru and Jet. No effort to empathize, not even a “sorry for your loss” or anything. It’s a stark contrast, and the reason for that is because this narrative entirely centers Aang. Katara’s narrative always seems to be secondary to his when they’re together—which is exactly my point when I say this relationship has a fundamental lack of mutuality. It’s built that way from the beginning of the series. It does not add to Katara’s arc nor establish what about this dynamic would attract her.

And, look, before someone jumps down my throat about this…I’m not saying Aang is a horrible person for this response. I think it’s a sign that he’s immature and has a fundamentally different approach to problems than Katara. Katara is a character who has been forced to take on responsibilities beyond her years due to being a child of a war-torn world. Aang’s approach to problems is avoidance while Katara never had that luxury. It doesn’t mesh well.

This is all in Book 1. I honestly could have gotten on board with Kataang if the series meaningfully addressed these issues…but it didn’t. In fact, they actually got worse in some ways.

Back to Katara’s mother. We’ve established that this is a core part of Katara’s character and like in the scene with Haru, she indicates that this is an unresolved issue that pains her. But then, in Book 3, Katara actually does get a chance to confront this pain.

This would have been a powerful moment. Surely the character who is meant to be her partner, her equal, would have been there for her. Surely he would have understood and supported her, fulfilling her narrative and adding to her story.

But Aang didn’t do that. I won’t go into details because there are a million analyses out there on The Southern Raiders, but Aang’s response to Katara was the opposite of understanding. He got angry with her, insinuated that she was a monster for wanting revenge, and tried to dictate her behavior according to his own moral values. And importantly, from a narrative standpoint, he did not go with Katara. One of the most important events in her arc, and Aang didn’t support her—he actually tried stopping her. He didn’t contribute to her growth and development.

Also noteworthy:

Katara: But I didn’t forgive him. I’ll never forgive him.

Even at the end of the episode, Aang clearly doesn’t understand at all what Katara is feeling. This line demonstrates it perfectly. He thinks she forgave him when that wasn’t the case at all…but of course, he didn’t even accompany her, so he didn’t see what actually took place. His worldview is fundamentally different from hers, and he’s consistently too rigid in his morality and immature to center Katara’s feelings.

Throughout Katara’s whole arc, her most significant character moments, Aang’s character just doesn’t come through the way Katara’s constantly does for him. Their narrative lacks mutuality. When Katara and Aang are together, she becomes an accessory to him. The ending scene is a perfect demonstration of this.

Now, to address the elephant in the room.

Which character does actually add to Katara’s narrative and support her growth as a character?

Correct! I just talked about how important The Southern Raiders is to Katara’s character and story, how it’s a chance for her to finally address the grief she’s been carrying since Book 1. And who stood by her side throughout this pivotal moment? Right—Zuko did.

You can talk all you want about how he’s a “colonizer” while Aang’s people suffered genocide, but you’re forgetting that “show, don’t tell” is one of the most basic aspects of storytelling. The fact is, despite how it looks on paper, Zuko was the one there for Katara at her critical moments. Zuko empathized with Katara more than Aang ever did—as demonstrated in this episode. Zuko never once brought up his own cultural values. Zuko never once told Katara what to do. Zuko’s position was that Katara should be the one to decide, and that he would support any choice she made. He supported her decision to spare Yon Rha, but he would have also supported her if she decided to kill him. I actually found this episode to be a satisfying reversal to what is typically seen in TV—for once, the female character is centered while her male counterpart takes the backseat and becomes a supporting role to her narrative.

Even before this, Zuko is shown to empathize with Katara.

Zuko: I’m sorry. That’s something we have in common.

I think what gets me about this scene is the fact that he’s still Katara’s enemy, and she was just yelling about how she hates him and his people. But despite that, Zuko still empathizes with Katara. She is fundamentally human to him, and he expresses that to her in a way that allows them to connect. Zuko stands to gain nothing from this. It’s true that Azula entered the picture and twisted things around—but in this moment, Zuko’s compassion is genuine. His instinct was to respond to her grief with empathy, just like she consistently does for other characters.

And finally, how else does Zuko add to Katara’s arc?

I don’t think there is any more perfect of an example than the finale itself—the culmination of the arcs and development of all characters.

Zuko and Katara fight together. In a heartbeat, Zuko asks Katara to fight by his side against Azula, because he trusts her strength. She’s his equal—both in his mind, and in a narrative sense.

Then, this:

Both of their roles are so critical in this fight. They both save each other. The scene has such raw emotion to it. These characters were together at the conclusion of their respective arcs for a reason.

This is the perfect conclusion to Katara’s arc. She just played a critical role in ending the war that has caused her trauma her whole life. She just demonstrated her mastery of waterbending (another thing she’s dreamed of throughout the series) by defeating the world’s most powerful firebender during Sozin’s Comet. Even though she had help as all characters do, these are victories that belong to her and demonstrate the growth and power of her character. And to top it all off? She was able to save Zuko’s life. She didn’t have to endure the pain of feeling helpless to do anything while someone else died for her; this time, she had an active role, she changed her fate, and she prevailed. Zuko plays an important role in Katara’s story without dominating it. They perfectly represent mutuality. They add to each other’s stories. Their narratives become stronger when they’re together, without one diminishing or sidelining the other.

So, from that standpoint, that’s why I always see the attraction between Zuko and Katara and why I see it lacking between Aang and Katara. Zuko and Katara’s story doesn’t need some cheap little throwaway moments to shine. It’s integral to both characters’ stories. We are shown not told of the way these characters feel about each other. Given everything we know about Katara, her goals, her values, her past loves…absolutely everything points to Zuko being the true subject of her feelings.

Because let’s be honest. The ending I just described is so much more powerful and so much more Katara than seeing her being relegated back to a doe-eyed love interest for Aang to kiss. It hardly even made sense—Katara played no role at all at the culmination of Aang’s arc. She was relegated back to a love interest, rather than the powerful figure we saw fight alongside Zuko.

[sideprince]

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

Ask game: unpopular opinion edition <3

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

Disclaimer: the onus here is on "as good as everyone else seems to think." I'm not saying this character is completely immoral or evil, but that I think the fandom overlooks a lot of issues with him.

I think Hagrid is problematic and his behavior often gets overlooked because he's Harry's big, fuzzy, fiercely loyal friend, and because the films really toned down his aggression and carelessness. He's not just a bumbling teddy bear of a giant, he's violent, unfair, and his carelessness is often to the detriment of others who have to help clean up his messes.

Even when acknowledging that PS is very much a children's book with deliberately Dahlesque villains, I can't help but think that if the author was keeping notes and had plans for a 7 book series, then there's something that rubs me the wrong way about authorial decisions re: characters, that cater to that approach even though they won't work in a book about a 17 year old the way they do about an 11 year old. Specifically I'm thinking of Hagrid giving Dudley a pig's tail as punishment. His anger at Vernon and Petunia is justified, but he takes it out on Dudley, who's an 11 year old child. It's vindictive, misdirected, and even Hagrid acknowledges that he lost his temper. And then he asks Harry not to tell anyone about it because he's not supposed to use magic.

So within the first few pages of meeting Hagrid, he's shown as having difficulty controlling angry outbursts, physically harms a child, and asks another to keep quiet about his having done something illegal. In the same book Hagrid obtains a dragon egg illegally, hatches it, and then takes no responsibility for the ensuing problems. The obvious problems he causes, of course, are that he relies on Harry, Ron, and Hermione to keep this secret as well (more asking children to keep quiet about illegal activities), and then to solve the problem of the dragon quickly outgrowing his house. In the process the trio get into trouble, and Hagrid takes no responsibility, doesn't get them out of detention, and when they serve that detention with him he puts them in an even more dangerous situation. On top of that, he lectures Draco about consequences and punishment, even though all the students serving detention that night are there because of Hagrid's own actions and poor choices and because most of them got into trouble while covering for him.

I'm not the first to point this out, but all of this does bother me a lot. Almost as much as the idea that Hagrid loves dragons, yet not enough to not be selfish about it. Because he wants a dragon he doesn't consider what kind of living conditions his pet is going to grow up in. Keeping a dragon in his hut is like keeping a great dane in a studio apartment, except it doesn't get to go for walks because it has to be hidden, not to mention a dragon will inevitably outgrow a little cabin, for which Hagrid makes no plans. On top of that, his carelessness is also the reason Quirrellmort gets to the stone and nearly kills Harry.

Throughout the rest of the series, we find out that Hagrid was expelled because his irresponsibility with dangerous creatures makes him the perfect scapegoat (except this is presented as his love of these creatures, but I think his lack of responsibility for and to them is a serious issue). He sends Ron and Harry into a life threatening situation because he has zero ability to assess risk, he physically assaults Karkaroff because of his short temper, he gets drunk and needs to be sobered up and taken care of by Harry and his friends who are literal children, and the list goes on and on. He shouldn't have started his first lesson with Hippogriffs, not just because they're capricious animals and thus dangerous for the students, but because he's responsible for them and if a student mishandles them and the Hippogriffs react in the way that is their nature, then it's the Hippogriff that will get punished. And as we see, that's exactly what happens. Malfoy's injury is avoidable, but in this world it's also easily healed without scarring or pain. However, Buckbeak is essentially deemed unsafe and the government decrees that he must be put down - when the real problem was that Hagrid started a class by introducing creatures with complex needs, instead of building up to that lesson and preparing his students appropriately. This sums up how I see Hagrid in a nutshell: he only thinks about his love of Hippogriffs, not whether the choices he's making are good for them. Later in the series, Hagrid brings his giant brother back to England and stashes him in the Forbidden Forest, which is bad for his brother, bad for the ecosystem, and unsafe for everyone at the school but again, Hagrid does what Hagrid wants. I don't like the way the narrative excuses and downplays the effects of his choices just because Hagrid does these things out of love, because his actions are still detrimental to the objects of his love.

And this is because Hagrid is, ultimately, selfish. He's very affectionate with Harry and fiercely loyal, traits which endear him to readers. But he's also self-serving, negligent, has no foresight, and can only see things through the lens of his personal interest and enthusiasm, while actively rejecting alternative perspectives and reason. Affection and love aren't enough when they wreak havoc, cause harm, and endanger others. He's frustrating, violent, and dangerous. I've never enjoyed the parts of the books that involve him because they feel like a slog to me. Hagrid is written as a bumbling, well meaning lug who looks scary but is really a softie. But he's actually careless and dangerous, kind of like a 10 foot tall child would be sweet and well meaning but ultimately destructive and dangerous. And because of how irresponsible he is and the effect it has on everyone around him, I don't think Hagrid is as moral as the narrative, or the fandom, perceive him to be. McGonagall is right at the start of PS when she questions if Hagrid can be trusted with an important task, because we see throughout the series that every time this happens, he ends up causing harm, even if unintentionally.

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

Apparently that Snape is a great character, seeing as most of the fandom seems to hate him lol. What's my biggest unpopular opinion in the Snapedom, though? That people focus too much on Lily's lip twitching during SWM. I think a lot gets projected onto her but really there just isn't a lot of information about her character. Of the little we have to go on, the fact she was best friends with Snape and that they were friends for many years takes up more space and energy in these characters' lives and relationship than that one moment. I also subscribe to the interpretation that what the lip twitch really betrayed was Lily's perspective that after Snape excusing all the things Mulciber and Avery did, he was experiencing it firsthand and suddenly it wasn't "a laugh." Since Lily didn't seem to know the extent of Snape getting bullied by the Marauders for years, and she had defended them after the prank because of her ignorance of what really happened, from her point of view Snape was friends with creepy bullies whose behavior he excused and was now getting a firsthand experience of and learning that it wasn't so funny when it was happening to him. I read a meta once (I can't find it but please link it if you know which one I'm talking about) that proposed the idea that the creepy thing Avery and Mulciber did to Mary Macdonald was also Levicorpus, because it would have indeed been creepy to expose her underwear, and because Lupin says in OoTP that Levicorpus was "in vogue" at the time.

**EDIT so while tumblr's search function is useless, someone liked the post I was referring to literally right as I posted this, because I had reblogged it back in August. So here you go, I highly recommend reading it, it's a fantastic bit of meta.

[yinwaryuri]

It's easy to complain about how MSP left any address toward homophobia to the last episode and it remained fairly mild but I really wanted to point out what things about it were incredibly significant.

They could have kept it like Bad Buddy where it was a universe where it didn't really exist or just wasn't mentioned. They could have totally done that. I wouldn't have blamed them for that choice either, considering the tone of the series remaining so lighthearted throughout. Homophobia is more than just a serious issue - it can have dangerous implications. The closest this show wanted to get with danger was Gun's mom needing surgery, so before watching the episode I was really curious about how they would handle it.

Starting from the beginning of the episode and seeing the contrast between Gun telling his mom about Tinn, and Tinn's mom seeing how scared her son is and deciding not to ask. Gun has such a wonderful relationship with his mother. She's all he has for family and they have come to love and depend on each other so much, and the show has given us enough clues to the way she thinks that her supporting her son without issue was no surprise. Tinn's mother has been set up to appear that she feels differently, but it all boils down to her worrying for him rather than about him. Tinn gets his supportive, protective way of loving from her (which is the sweetest thing to me, considering their relationship isn't as strong). All she wants is for him to go through life without having to jump over hurdles for his happiness. Considering the privileges he's had as her son, it troubles her that he felt any reason to hide his true relationship with Gun and only wants to assure him that he could have come to her about it earlier. She sees his fear and rightly decides to let him come forward when he chooses.

The deal with the photo outing them and how all that goes down was interesting. It goes without saying, whoever took the picture had no business posting about them and it's unfortunate they never get found and reprimanded for their actions. What I loved was how the show chose to demonstrate how attitudes have really changed among younger generations. The whole conversations about "no one cares!" and "I think we were too afraid in the beginning," were really great points to make. The more exposure the younger generations have had to queer identities through media and people being open about them in real life, the more freedoms we have gained. Sometimes letting fear hold you back can suffocate you. Being outed is awful, but showing that you can not be a jackass about it is important. Also, don't go after my boy Gun for trying to give them a cover story, because this was the one circumstance where he saw Tinn being more at risk than him and he acted the way he thought Tinn would for him. It ended up not really mattering anyway, because people supported them and Tinn understood that's what Gun was trying to do.

And then we got the few bad opinions from the older generation. From a teacher they had all previously respected! Because unfortunately, disappointingly, that is so incredibly common. Even his way of trying to explain "oh I don't actually hate you guys I just don't take you seriously," was so important to include. Homophobes will try to twist their ideas into something that's less than the hateful bullshit it is and out themselves being as reductive as they truly are. Of course, it got escalated for the sake of run time and getting the issue dealt with immediately. Thank you Kajorn for having a pretty awesome come to jesus gay moment.

Finally, my favorite part!! Tinn's mom not only making it clear she's okay with his relationship but explaining just how offensive his teacher had actually been. I really thought her position as the school principal would remain as a wedge between her and Tinn because it was treated that way for so long. I didn't expect it to have any more use than that. But having an authority figure of a school openly call out their colleague and show support for her students meant so much to me! Reminder: this story sets out to say that teen's experiences are not trivial and they're people with hopes and dreams and struggles and have much less say in their daily lives. Adults stepping up and supporting children is so necessary. Adults stepping up and protecting queer children is a desperate need. Any other school principal doing less than that is unworthy of their job. And it goes without saying that being his mother and being so openly supportive before he's even had a chance to ask her is just the cherry on top.

The homophobia arc wasn't for everyone but it had intent and purpose and it executed it just right for me. It said "yeah we know it's there but it's horseshit tbh so we're having our boys sing to each other on stage knowing the most important people in their lives have their back." And then they got to say "I love you" and share their first kiss in the privacy they deserved.

[ratmakesfanart]

We know that in good omens EVERYTHING is for a reason. Every prop is carefully picked out and placed, every action has importance to it, and every line is so significant that fans could write 2 seasons worth of analysis based on a few words from the show (cough cough nudge nudge). But there is one line from the final episode that has been often questioned (and cried to) by the community; those words being the horrific and heartbreaking, "I forgive you." So let's talk about it.

There is a lot that we need to unpack in order to understand the meaning behind those 3 words. First, let's look into Aziraphale's mindset. We can see throughout both seasons the struggle Aziraphale has with black-and-white thinking. How hesitant he is to work with or complete favors for Crowley because his "side wouldn't like that." In season 2's flashback with Wee Morag we see him conflicted between what was morally right and what was morally wrong when it came to the grave robbing. His thought process was and always has been good versus bad, right versus wrong, heaven versus hell. Of course, throughout the series he has shown improvement - with the help of Crowley - seeing and treading on that gray line. But the moment before the kiss we know he has regressed back into that black-and-white way of thinking due to the statement "obviously you said no to hell, you're the bad guys" and "heaven... well it's the side of truth, of light, of good."

Aziraphale believes in heaven, believes in what heaven stands for. But we also know that Aziraphale doesn't believe heaven is living up to its name nor its potential due to his consistent doubting of heaven's execution of God's plan. He doesn't think heaven is what it's supposed to be. And that brings us to the next point: Aziraphale's choice.

When we get the flashback to the conversation Aziraphale has with the Metatron, he originally says "I don't want to go back to heaven." Aziraphale wasn't on board until the Metatron mentioned how he could return Crowley back to his angelic status. This tells us that Aziraphale doesn't want to go to heaven for power, but instead so he can fix what he considers heaven's biggest mistake: casting out Crowley. He doesn't want to fix Crowley, he wants to fix heaven. He wants to make it a better place, a place that deserves to be called the side of truth, light, and good. Not for himself, but for the greater good. For Crowley. But Crowley didn't understand that. Which leads us to the final point: the kiss.

Before the kiss, Crowley heard that Aziraphale wanted to return to heaven and turn Crowley back into an angel. After decades and decades of trying to show Aziraphale that there was more to life than heaven versus hell, Crowley was indirectly slapped in the face when Aziraphale told him that he along with hell were "the bad guys." He tried to help Aziraphale realize that heaven is just as cruel as hell, but the attempts of reasoning were pointless. Crowley in that moment felt not only betrayed, but also helpless as Aziraphale showed no sign of changing his mind. In a final effort to convince him to stay, Crowley confessed his feelings for Aziraphale. But it still wasn't enough to change his mind. Finally, Crowley kissed Azriaphale... but this wasn't because he wanted to show how much he loved Aziraphale. No, this kiss was angry. Crowley knew he wasn't going to be able to change Aziraphale's mind, and overcome with emotion, he showed Aziraphale everything he was saying goodbye to. And Aziraphale understood it.

Aziraphale felt the anger and understood the message Crowley was telling him. And it hurt. Aziraphale, the angel who ate an entire ox after getting just a taste of that hunger, was shown a path with an entirely new level of desire he hadn't known he was longing for. Aziraphale wanted to hate it but he couldn't. He wanted to hate Crowley for it but he couldn't. In his mind, the right thing to do was to go to heaven, that was the right choice. But he was betrayed by Crowley's temptation of a life he knew he would always desire but wouldn't be able to choose.

Crowley hurt Aziraphale as well.

And with his decision unmoved, he met Crowley's eyes, and forgave him for it.

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

I am once again talking about morals and philosophy and such in the Trigun animes.

So, there’s a normative ethical theory called ethics of care that essentially prioritizes helping as much as you can wherever you can. The best illustration of it I’ve seen of it is the starfish story, which very basically involves a man walking on the beach at low tide and seeing a boy throwing starfish back into the water. He confronts him and tells him it’s pointless to do so because there are so many starfish on the shore. It won’t make a difference. And the boy picks up another starfish, throws it into the water, and says “it made a difference to that one.”

This is Vash. Vash has spent 150 or so years throwing as many starfish as he can reach back into the water. He cannot save everyone, but he will still try.

This is, at least to Vash (and I’ll mostly take his word for it since she did die trying to save everyone), what Rem believed as well. Rem is, in a lot of ways, Vash’s moral authority.

Vash performs a lot of moral goods throughout the series. He is often punished for them, especially the ones that are not social goods.

Is Vash saving someone like Father Nebraska or Gosef in Tristamp episode 2 a social good? Definitely not. But is it moral good? Well, that’s where it gets tricky because to Vash it’s obviously the moral choice. It’s the only course of action he can imagine taking.

However, Vash saving the townspeople that held him at gunpoint to get his bounty from the Nebraska family in Tri98 ep13 is both a moral and social good.

But what about Vash asking “it would be wrong to shoot him, right?” after Monev the Gale kills all those people in Tri98 ep12. Vash can’t save those people, but he didn’t kill them either. How culpable for their deaths is he? Monev is there, in that place, to kill him. He killed those people in pursuit of Vash. Does Vash hold any responsibility for this? Or for Brad’s death? The others on the ship? What about the Gung-Ho-Guns that Wolfwood kills to keep him safe?

This is just a trolley problem. There are innocent civilians tied to one track. The Gung-Ho-Guns are on the other. Vash has to decide if he’s going to pull the lever or not. But Vash takes a very Kantian approach: any choice here is immoral. Inaction condemns someone as does action. You killed them either way. Nevermind that there are innocent people being subjected to this against their will on one track and assassins on the other. Killing anyone is immoral. You will always be in the wrong here.

Ignore the fact that the trolley problem is inherently flawed. That the blame actually lies on the person who tied the civilians to the track. Who sent assassins after you. Everyone is here because of Knives.

Vash will still feel guilty though. Would killing Monev the Gale alleviate that? Would his death be justice? Who gets to decide that? Monev acts with the social authority of the Eye (and Knives) behind him. He’s functionally immune from the traditional justice system. Might makes right, y’know?

Wolfwood killing Monev the Gale in Tristamp is a mercy kill. They’ve suffered similar things, Wolfwood came out with his sanity mostly intact and Rollo…didn’t. And everyone Rollo loved is dead and even if it isn’t his fault he would have had to live with that. So, is Wolfwood killing him a moral good? It doesn’t have the sanctioning to be an ethical one, and there is no community left for whom it could be a social good. It’s just Rollo. Just Monev the Gale. And no more suffering.

How much of your moral judgement is just what you can stomach?

Wolfwood kills his guardian when he is seven years old. He is then trained by Chapel for ten years. It’s difficult for him to imagine other solutions, much less actualize them. He dies for Vash’s morals, but they’re more than he can stomach at times.

And the fear of losing Meryl and Milly and all those random, hapless bystanders is enough to compel Vash to kill Legato. He wants another solution, but can’t think of one. Not with so many lives on the line. So many already lost. And he lives with the guilt of it. But Legato was never going to stop. Not unless someone killed him. Even if Vash had killed himself instead there’s no guarantee that Legato would have spared his captives because life holds no value to him.

[jahayla-parker]

King Of My Heart : Nikolai Lantsov x Reader Series

Part 6

For warnings, descriptions, and previous parts, see series masterlist here.

Recap: Nikolai felt the vise on his chest tighten throughout y/n’s statements. The remorse-fueled vise continued is hellacious assault on him until he felt as if all the oxygen left his body and his lungs imploded. He mandated himself to take an emphysematous breath. “N-no,” Nikolai spoke in a strained manner. “It… No, that’s not what I… just… let me explain,” he blathered. “Please,” the Prince added beseechingly.

As if trying to emphasize his wish to plead his case, Nikolai securely clutched y/n’s fiddling hands in his steady ones. He tilted his head in a variety of directions as he attempted to catch even a tiny corner of her gaze. His eyes still unable to meet the Princess’s, Nikolai sighed defeatedly but kept his hold on her insanely delicate hands. “I… I only hated you because you suddenly started to treat me like I was an astronomical annoyance,” he began. After all, it was true; Nikolai could now remember that he hadn’t always hated y/n. In fact, her retelling of the incident from before their rivalry began brought forth his long-forgotten memories of the emotions he had surrounding his actions that day.

“You were,” y/n declared, raising a taunting brow at Nikolai as she finally turned her head in his direction. Her eyes scrutinized his as she tried to interpret his underlying motivations.

Nikolai’s chest fluttered and he laughed softly with a few nods. “I can understand why you felt the way you did, and why you thought that I…” he took a nervous breath. “L-look…,” Nikolai softly cleared his throat, “I didn’t mean to knock you down that day”. He wasn’t sure if y/n would believe his sudden honesty. But, he had truly only hated her because of how she was so rude to him after that day. He had never realized it was because of his own actions. It turns out he’d driven his fears into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The sincere cause behind Nikolai’s own -evidently misunderstood by y/n- actions that day made the situation between them even worse.

“Nikolai-“ y/n whispered airily as she pulled her hands back. She didn’t want to hear his excuses or lies. She’d watched him knock her down and then laugh. This wasn’t some misunderstanding or her reading into it too much as he was seemingly trying to claim. Not to mention, he was talking very uncharacteristically right now; his normal cockiness and arrogance were nowhere to be found. So, surely this was a trick, right? One he just really wanted her to believe so her ignorance and stupidity would be even more hilarious to him.

“I didn’t. I…” Nikolai choked. He shook his head before hanging it glumly. When he looked back up at y/n, he could see the doubt and pain floating in her y/c/e eyes. Nikolai didn’t want to make the situation worse by continuing to try and explain why the motives of his behaviors had been mistaken. It was clear she wasn’t believing him, so trying to prove himself sincere would likely only add to her frustrations.

Y/n studied Nikolai’s body language, easily able to tell he was hiding something. They had known each other for far too long now for her to not sense something was going on that he wasn’t actually saying or showing yet. While part of her was intrigued to try and find out what secret detail he was hiding from her, she didn’t care enough to actually ask. It wouldn’t fix things anyways. “Doesn’t matter,” y/n responded simply. “It’s not just about that. I didn’t just hate your actions, I-“.

“Hate me,” Nikolai answered for y/n, “I know”. He rubbed the back of his tense neck muscles. “But…, let’s make this whole arrangement somewhat less miserable and just pretend we addressed it and moved on,” he suggested. Nikolai knew it was a poor choice of words, but he hadn’t expected tonight to be going this way.

“Sure,” y/n scoffed. “Whatever you want, as always, moi tsarevich,” she responded with fake professionalism. She spared Nikolai a brief glance as she smoothed her gown and walked away.

“Saints!” Nikolai exclaimed, his left hand tugging on his hair. “You’re infuriating!” He shouted after y/n. Nikolai stood there feeling both frustrated and guilty over the ordeal. If he’d handled the incident better years ago, things could’ve been much different between them by now.

Was it too late to fix it now? Did he want to fix it? If he did, to what extent? Did he want things to go back to how they were before the accident? Did he want things to go the way he’d hoped things would’ve had the accident not happened?

“Oh, foolish Nikolai nothing,” Vasily taunted Nikolai, his eyes glowing mischievously. He smirked as his younger brother flinched at the abusive nickname.

Nikolai looked down at his attire. To appease his mother, Nikolai had seen to it that he was dressed in what he personally felt was a far too extravagant suit to greet their guests. He wasn’t opposed to dressing nicely, but he felt silly. He knew the outfit was expensive and proper attire for the occasion, but it was stiff and itchy. Overall, he didn’t like it. He felt like an overly decorated doll and the fabric made his skin crawl.

However, it wasn’t Nikolai’s outfit that had Vasily taunting him this early into the day. Instead, the older Prince had seen the way Nikolai was searching through the arrivals; clearly in search of a particular person. It didn’t even matter who it was, Vasily found the notion absurd, after all, it was Vasily who was the crown prince. It was Vasily who would the guests wanted to see, not Nikolai. So the nervousness on his little brother’s face was beyond humorous to Vasily. “It’s never going to happen, sobachka,” he smirked, leaving Nikolai without another word.

Nikolai sighed and ran his hand down his face. This was so not how young Nikolai would have envisioned things going. Yet, here they were. Y/n hated Nikolai and Nikolai hated her. Or, so he’d thought. He actually just hated the way she treated him. But now, he knew why she had treated him like that. It was a huge mistake and a great misunderstanding. Even if he couldn’t undo the damage that had been done, Nikolai could at least properly apologize by explaining his mistake.

On his way back inside the palace, Nikolai physically bumped into someone. His eyes snapped to the woman he’d run into while his mind was distracted, quickly finding some relief in that it was Nina and not a guest he had to keep up an appearance for. Nikolai apologized nonetheless before he went to sidestep her on his way to find y/n. He sighed when Nina placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him from moving further into the room. “I need to talk to-“ Nikolai began.

Nina gave Nikolai a sympathetic look but shook her head lightly. “Take it easy,” she whispered, fanning herself with a hand fan to hide the conversation from anyone looking. “Y/n is having a hard time adjusting,” Nina pointed out with a frown tugging at her plump lips. She ignored the implications of the way his heart reacted to such information in order to continue her advice. “Even if you don’t care about -or for- her, it would favor you, and Ravka, in the long run, to ensure she can get better adjusted.”

Nikolai fought the urge to frown and even scowl over Nina’s words, implications, and unexpected update into y/n’s situation. “If I wanted to do that,” he muttered to cover up his confusing emotions on the matter. “How would one even do that?”

Nikolai was uncertain as to his current feelings regarding the Princess. But he knew Nina was right. He also knew he needed to do something to keep y/n’s hatred from growing if they were going to be forced to spend their lives together.

“Let her skip that horrendously dull trade meeting,” Nina proposed with a twinkle in her eye. Upon seeing Nikolai’s confusion, she sighed. “She needs some personal time to recuperate,” she explained vaguely.

Nikolai fought against the upwards-pulling sensation in his right eyebrow. Was that what was going on? Given everything he knew now and what he’d caught her doing before, the Prince suspected the personal time would actually be time for y/n to utilize the dance studio. Thinking about it, as far as Nikolai knew, she hadn’t used it since the last time he’d seen her there. Perhaps that’s what was putting her in a slightly more irritable mood.

Nikolai’s brain returned to the present when his eyes noticed Nina staring at him with a smirk on her face. “Not a word, Zenik,” he warned lightly with a shake of his head. When she responded with a soft faux-innocent “what?”, Nikolai gave her a knowing glance. “You know what,” he sighed, “respectfully, now truly isn’t the time for your far-fetched matchmaking ideologies”. “As far as the meeting goes, I’ll see what can be done,” Nikolai concluded formally before stepping away.

It didn’t take much time for Nikolai to use his powers of charm and persuasion to convince the panel that the next several meetings would need to take place without the Princess. They questioned the reasoning of course, but the Prince used his position and title to not provide one. Nikolai might not be his brother Vasily, heir to the throne, the crown prince, but he was still a Prince in his own right. Even if he was a bastard one. He might as well enjoy some of the benefits. Especially if it meant fewer eyes looking at his situation with the Princess.

Nikolai found himself venturing to y/n’s assigned chambers. He wanted to let her know that he had successfully arranged for her to skip the meeting for the time being. He pushed down the nervous energy he felt buzzing inside of him, telling himself he’d contemplate its existence at another time. He raised his fist and knocked lightly on her bedroom door. Upon not getting any kind of response, Nikolai sighed and knocked louder. Was she truly this furious with him tonight? How did she even know it was him knocking?

Before Nikolai could embarrass himself a third time, one of the castle’s guards seemed to notice the Prince’s situation.

“I’m afraid Princess y/l/n is not in her chambers at the moment, Sir,” the guard informed Nikolai.

Nikolai straightened his back and nodded in appreciation. He turned away and slowly made his way down the hall. He wasn’t sure where he was going. He knew it was probably best to just go to his own bedroom for the night and simply inform y/n tomorrow morning. But, something was keeping him from doing that. Instead, he blindly searched the halls in an attempt to find where y/n had gone to so late. Just as Nikolai made it to the abandoned office, having remembered the reason he arranged for her to skip the meeting in the first place, his staff pointed towards the cracked door. Clearly, his search for y/n wasn’t as subtle as he’d thought. He just hoped his cheeks didn’t turn red with the warm rush he felt over having been caught.

Nikolai ignored these worries and cautiously walked to the door, trying to avoid any creaky tiles. The left corner of his lips twitched as he peeked into the room. This time he wasn’t too late to watch y/n.

Nikolai watched as y/n stood with her left foot resting beside her right knee with her arms circled out in front of her. His eyebrows were raised as he watched how effortless she made it seem as she balanced on the tippy toes of her right foot without swaying at all. His curious eyes caught a glimpse of the content expression on her face, a faint smile unconsciously appearing on his lips.

The Prince stood silently in the doorway as y/n danced elegantly. He gawked as she leapt into the air, her stocking-covered legs stretched out in the air. As her feet landed back on the wooden floor, he noticed there was no music playing. Nikolai considered mentioning he could surely conjure up something out someone to play for her. But, he selfishly didn’t want to risk her stopping. Nor did he want to interfere with her personal time. That didn’t mean he was able to pry himself away from the door though.

Nikolai tried to ignore the way his heart was racing for an unknown reason as he continued to lean against the doorframe. Other than the section blocked by the wooden frame of the doorway, his body was open towards y/n as he observed her dancing. His head was slightly bent forward just slightly past the entryway. Despite the fact that he was supported by the structure and not doing anything needing endurance, Nikolai found himself slightly out of breath and dry mouthed.

Nikolai couldn’t help but gape as he became even more astonished. For now, y/n had leaped and landed on one foot before she spun on the tippy toes of that foot. Her balance was unbelievably impressive. As was her ability to elegantly launch herself into the air and land daintily.

A lump formed in Nikolai’s throat as he watched the Princess twirl around in circles. The moonlight cascading in from the windows graced her skin, emphasizing her features. Her twirling had resulted in her hair swaying with the motion, the moonlight causing it to glow. The lump in Nikolai’s throat was accompanied by a fluttering sensation in his stomach.

Nikolai peeled himself off the wall as he tried to get himself to leave. He needed to get out of here. The scene before him was too much. Nikolai didn’t know what exactly he was feeling, but it was too much. Well actually if being truthful, he suspected he knew what he was feeling but he didn’t want to admit it. He clearly needed to get some rest. After all, he didn’t have these toes of feelings for anyone, certainly not for y/n. At least not now. Not anymore. right?

As y/n spun on her toes for what felt like an eternity, Nikolai noticed the serene look in her y/e/c eyes and he had to grip the doorframe to keep his balance. Once he’d steadied himself, he used the wooden frame as support as he pulled himself around their outside corners. He rested the back of his head against the wall as he tried to catch his breath. However, he realized he might be seen, so he quickly put on a fake front and made his way to his chambers for the night. The whole way, he found himself having to resist the temptation to turn back and resume watching y/n as she danced.

Tag list: @iambored24601 @nghtwngs @dcmaniac101 @naushtheaspiringauthor @larathebee @hereiamhereigo @lareinaa007 @halfofagayallofaqueer @el-de-phi @kiroshki @caspianobsessed @hauntedenthusiasttragedy @adalia-jaycee @ell0ra-br3kk3r @wonderland2425 @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @kateswone @liter4ti @torresbarnes @mischiefmanaged71 @casualladyinternet @im-here-sometimes @moonflowersandsparkles @h-l-vlovesvintage @dinonuggiessss @nikfigueiredo @bubybubsters @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @opheliaofficial07

KoMH Series Navigation

Nikolai Lantsov Navigation

Grishaverse Navigation

Book Boyfriends Navigation

Main Masterlist (All My Works) Navigation

[jarlsthegreat]

I Don't Care for Xavier Thorpe

I put off watching the Wednesday show for a while, long enough that I had already had the entire thing spoiled for me when I actually sat down to watch it. This isn't an uncommon occurrence for me, I watch content knowing what is going to happen all the time and it never dampens my enjoyment of the thing. However, I feel that in this instance that I may have come to hate Xavier so much as a character because I went in knowing he wasn't the Hyde.

Watching through the season it struck me that unlike other characters like Tyler, Bianca or Miss Thornhill, knowing how Xavier ended the series kind of left me with nothing to enjoy about him. All of those other characters can still be enjoyed as characters on rewatch of the show, but Xavier is kind of empty. We don't really know much about him in episode 6 that we didn't know in episode 1. The only things of note that I can think of are his prophetic dreams, his strained relationship with his father and his history with Tyler. But, all of these things that we learn are so surface level, his dreams are on the same level as his power to bring his drawings to life since it doesn't really feed into anything else about his character, we only have a few offhand comments about his father and we don't even get to hear him explain what happened with Tyler, it's just vaguely exposited by Wednesday later with no emotion or detail. It just seems like every chance they had to make me latch onto Xavier as a character was cut off at the knees. And with the way he acted throughout the season he really needed a moment like the one with Bianca and her mother or her reaching out to Lucas. If Xavier had a scene where he got to fully express the hurt his father caused him or if he actually got to tell the story of being attacked on Outreach Day onscreen, I wouldn't be writing this post.

Moving on, the way Xavier acted throughout this season just rubbed me the wrong way. I can enjoy mean characters, I can enjoy fantastically evil characters, I can enjoy tragic characters that make all the wrong choices, but I cannot STAND characters that I am supposed to view as morally upstanding being mundanely horrible and never being challenged on it. 

Xavier has a few good scenes throughout the season, namely his introduction scene when he's talking to Wednesday, him explaining physic powers and the scene where he attempts to help Wednesday in the fight against Crackstone episode 8 (despite him failing horribly). But the majority of the rest of his scenes just make me angry. It started out in episode 1 when he came up to Wednesday during the carnival. During this scene he makes it clear that he knows Wednesday wants him to leave but he doesn't. 

The times when Xavier warned Wednesday to stay away from Tyler before he revealed his history with him annoyed me personally because I have been in his situation, and I just couldn't stop thinking "Just tell her" Every time he just repeats that Tyler's trouble without elaborating. If you know someone is trouble and you have already told the person to stay away from them, you have to either accept that it's their life or tell them the reason why. Granted, Xavier does eventually give Wednesday an actual reason to stay away from Tyler, but it doesn't make the previous scenes of him being unjustifiably pissy at Wednesday any less aggravating.

His treatment of Bianca is a whole other can of worms, the fact that he previously berated her for using her powers to manipulate him before having the audacity to ask her to make him forget Wednesday. He has to know on some level how Bianca feels about her siren song so these two actions are just so insensitive towards her. And Bianca is a character that I actually like a lot so this knocks a ton of points off of Xavier in my book.

Then there's the scene where Xavier tells Wednesday that he has believed her from the beginning. This scene has already been picked apart, so I'll be brief. It is so obviously gaslighting that I legitimately thought "this line feels like it should be coming from Tyler as a manipulation tactic when Wednesday wises up to him" like I could actually see Tyler using that exact line on Wednesday when she had him tied up. Moving on.

The final scene that makes me hate this man so much is the scene where Wednesday visits him in prison. I've seen people calling this a great scene because Xavier finally calls Wednesday out on her selfishness. I wish I could see the scene that way, but the fact that Xavier seems more concerned that Wednesday kissed another guy than the fact that there is currently an active serial killer on the loose just angered me to no end. I know this character is a teenager and he is supposed to be immature, but there is a fine line and there is such a profound level of childishness and selfishness in the fact that Xavier does not give even a passing thought that he is actively endangering everyone in his school and the town because of his own bruised ego. And it is never called out, just like all of his other questionable actions. If he even tried to give Wednesday any help in this scene, been the bigger man in any way, or had to apologize for his behavior in a later scene, I possibly could have put aside his previous actions, but after that I don't know if I could ever like this character.

I don't think anyone is a bad person for liking Xavier, I'm sure a lot of you could write an essay just like this one on why you love his character, he just isn't for me. I like Tyler and he isn't for some people. Just act respectful towards fans that disagree with you. They're just opinions on characters at the end of the day.

TLDR: Xavier acts very selfishly throughout this season and the show acts like he has nothing to atone for and he isn't developed much as a character so I cannot latch onto any aspect of him.

[thesparkling-diamond27]

The Second Bridgerton And I: Chapter 9

Benedict Bridgerton x Reader

Summary: Y/n Clearwater is named the “Sparkling Diamond” by Queen Charlotte herself, but she doesn’t know what to do with all this attention. Of course she has her family, but sometimes that doesn’t seem enough. But what happens when she encounters a specific Bridgerton, which changes the course of her season.

A/n: So I didn’t realize that I only posted 8 chapters when I already had chapters 9-11 written. I thought I posted them, but I guess not. Woops! I’m officially on Christmas break, so I’m going to edit the chapters I already wrote to make sure it’s readable and then I’ll finish the series. I also started the first season of umbrella academy, so stay tuned for that as well. I hope you enjoy! :)

It turned out to be Alex pulling me to where he was sitting.

“Hey! What are you doing?!” I asked.

“What? I cannot sit beside my lovely sister?”

On normal circumstances I would have brushed his actions aside, but he seemed to be up to something. I just could not tell what and I hope he was not about to embarrass me.

Alex led me to the other side of the table and I was about to take my seat when I realized I would be sitting next to Benedict. I gave Alex a “really” look, but he simply shrugged his shoulders as if he had no idea what I was implying. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

I took my seat when Benedict noticed my presence and he smiled warmly at me.

“It is good to see you again Y/n.”

My mind went back to that fateful night at the ball where his mouth was on top of my mouth, his hands brushing through my hair and his hands wandering- stop! Not the time and place Y/n.

I had to say something and fast, before anyone realized something was amiss. I managed to utter a single sentence.

“Nice to see you as well.”

Benedict looked around the table before giving me a wink as if no one could see him doing so. Is he crazy?! His family is here! My family is here! Now would not be a good time to share what has been going on between the two of us.

{Anthony and Kate sat across from me, with Francesca and Eloise sitting beside Kate and Gregory and Hyacinth sitting beside Anthony. Noah sat next to Alex and my father took his place at the head of the table. Adeline and Violet sat next to Benedict (in that order), and then my mama took her place at the other end of the table.}

We began to eat the first course, which was a salad with some vinaigrette dressing. I was about to stab a piece of lettuce with my fork when I noticed raisins scattered throughout the salad.

Our cook must had forgotten to take the raisins out of mine. Or maybe she simply forgot since we are having guests over and the quantity of food she had to prepare went up.

There was no reason for me to become upset so I began to pick the raisins out carefully. Oh how I hated those dreadful things.

“Do you not like raisins?” Benedict asked.

He must have noticed what I was doing.

“No not really. Especially when they are cooked. I cannot stand the mushy texture. The flavor is tolerable uncooked, but I much prefer not to eat them if I have a choice.”

“If you have a choice?”

“Well…I eat the raisins in an oatmeal raisin cookie. It takes too much effort to pick them out of the cookie. But I pick them out when I have oatmeal.”

“Interesting.”

I continued to pick out the raisins and I began to place them on my napkin.

“Do you like raisins?” I asked.

“Yes. Quite a lot actually.”

I thought about it for a moment and once I was done with making my salad raisin free, I dumped all of my raisins on my napkin and into his salad.

“There. Extra raisins for the gentleman.”

He looked down at his salad and then back up at me and began to laugh.

“Oh why thank you miss.”

“You’re welcome.”

We then resumed to our salads. When I continued eating I noticed Alex looking at me with a smirk in the corner my eye.

“What?” I asked.

“Oh nothing.” He said and resumed to eating his salad. Oh he was definitely up to something.

I am glad Benedict and I were able to go back to the way things used to be. Before things became too complicated. We could talk about the most craziest thing or the most mundane of things like raisins. But I was never bored with Benedict no matter what the topic of conversation was.

Dinner ran smoothly and as the courses continued I found myself conversing more with Kate and Anthony. They seemed like lovely people and I was pleased that I was finally able to meet them.

Once dinner and dessert was finished we all found our way back to our our drawing room.

My brothers were both conversing with Benedict and Anthony near the fireplace, Gregory and Hyacinth were arguing (again), about God knows what at a nearby table, and the rest of us ladies were talking at the couches.

The current topic of conversation was of Daphne and Simon and how they were expecting their second child already. Violet was elated about the idea of a second grandchild and my mama seemed just as excited for her. That was the last Bridgerton I have yet to meet: Daphne. Or I guess Basset, since she is married to the Duke.

(A/n: I still cannot believe Daphne and Simon weren’t at least mentioned once in season three. It was as if they never existed ): )

“ I cannot wait to have grandchildren.” My mama said and I almost choked on air, but I controlled my self.

“Oh you will love it!” Violet started, “It is simply the best. It is like having a child all over again except without going through the whole process and what not. Daphne tells me that August loves it when she plays the piano forte for him and she believes that he might be into music one day.”

“It seems like music runs in the the family.” Kate said. “Daphne and Francesca are both splendid players and now August seems to have found an interest for music as well and he is almost two.”

“That is like Y/n and Adeline.” My mama added. “I played the piano forte for them, like Daphne, and they both have grown to love music. They are both exquisite on the piano.”

“You are correct. Y/n’s playing earlier was just splendid.” Kate said.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

“Well why don’t you play something for us Y/n.” Violet said, “Perhaps singing as well.”

“Oh I mustn’t. I already played for all of you this evening. How about Francesca play something for us.”

Francesca was hesitant, but after a few encouragements from us she agreed to play something.

“Oh you need someone to sing along with you and I have just the person.”

I said as I walked over to where my brother was with Benedict and Anthony, near the fireplace. Alex’s arm was leaning against the shelf of the fireplace, so I allowed my self to sneak under his arm.

“Hello. Sorry to interrupt.” I said.

“Hello dear sister.” Alex said as he wrapped his arm around me.

“You know you are my favorite brother right?”

“What do you want?”

“You know…just…for you to sing with Francesca.”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said no.”

“Please Felis.” I said with pleading eyes

Alex looked at me before he sighed.

“No Carina.”

“Felis? Carina?” Benedict asked.

I turned and remembered that Alex and I were not alone.

“My father is into astronomy and when each of us were born he gave us star names with special meanings. Mine is Carina, his is Felis, Noah’s is Scorpius, and Adeline’s is Dara. They are our middle names, but sometimes we use them as nicknames for each other.” I quickly explained.

“What does yours mean?” Benedict asked with a curious look. I tried to hide the blush that I felt creeping up my cheeks. Alex will have a field day with this.

“That is not the point. The point is that Alex should sing with Francesca because he has an amazing singing voice.”

“I second that.” Benedict added.

I looked at Benedict puzzled and Alex gave him a raised eyebrow.

“What do you mean “I second that”.” Alex asked.

“Remember…first year at Eton…spring semester…” Benedict said to try and jog Alex’s memory.

Recognition and horror settled on Alex’s face.

“I thought we agreed to never speak about that!” Alex exclaimed.

“Never speak about what?” Now I was interested. My original plan temporarily on hold.

“Now I am interested as well.” Anthony said.

Anthony and I shared a mischievous look.

Now, Benedict, Anthony and I were waiting for Alex’s reply.

“You…what…” Alex stuttered.

“You don’t have to tell us anything unless…”

“Unless…”

“Unless you go on and sing.” I said with a cheeky grin.

Alex gave the three of us one last look before he sighed and said

“Fine.”

He released his hold from me and I began to clap with delight. As we all began to gather around Alex and Francesca I whispered to Benedict.

“You are going to tell me that singing story about Alex right?”

“Later.” Benedict snickered.

The chords of the piano forte began with an upbeat tempo, a tune that my family and I were quite familiar with.

Alex has an amazing voice which is why I asked him to sing with Francesca in the first place. I wish he was more confident in his hidden talent because everyone was enjoying his performance.

I noticed that everyone was preoccupied with Alex and Francesca, so I used that as an opportunity to sneak away to my room to retrieve a gift I had for Benedict.

I was able to leave the room undetected and I quickly scurried to my room before someone realized I was gone. I entered my room and grabbed the gift that was neatly wrapped with blue wrapping paper on my vanity. I quickly walked back to the drawing room, and no one suspected I was gone, brilliant.

I entered the room with the package hidden behind my back and I found my original spot next to Benedict. Just in time for the ending of the song. As everyone was applauding Benedict whispered next to me.

“Where did you go?”

Someone noticed my absence.

“To the chamber pot.” I lied.

“Ah.”

Everyone began to request more songs for Alex and Francesca to play and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to present Benedict with my gift.

“Hey…um…do you mind if we talk for a second.” I asked.

“Of course.” He said with a smile.

I stepped back a pace to allow us more privacy and the beginning of a new song helped as well.

“Now I know that I did not have to get you anything, but after you gave me a gift I figured I should return the favor and I don’t know if you are going to like it, but—“

“Hey, hey it’s alright. Whatever you give me I know I will enjoy it because it is from you.”

His comment sent butterflies in my stomach. I cannot believe he holds me in such high regard. I hesitated before I held out the gift for him to take. With curious eyes, Benedict took the gift and began to slowly unwrap the wrapping paper in order to not attract attention.

He lifted the last flap before it was revealed to be his handkerchief that he had given me except with the embroidery I added it to it. Next to his initials, B.B. , I stitched a swirly blue bug trail which led to a bumble bee.

I could not tell how he felt. I could not read his expression and he remained silent.

“I remember you mentioned at the ball a few days ago about how your father died by getting stung by a bee and how ever since he died you have seen bees frequently and you now believe that whenever you see one your dad is watching you and I figured it would be a nice gesture and—“

“I love it.”

I almost didn’t hear him over my rambling.

“Huh?”

“I love it. I was going to let you keep the handkerchief, but now I want to keep it for myself. Knowing that you took the time to add something so meaningful to it…I am at a loss for words. It is an impeccable job too. Thank you.”

Benedict finally looked up at me, from the handkerchief, with a wide smile on his face and it sent me into a spiral. His eyes locked with mine and I suddenly forgot about the rest of the world. All that mattered now was me and him.

Benedict reached down and brought me into a hug. I immediately returned the hug and quickly separated myself before anyone saw what we were doing, even though my body was protesting not to. I looked around and realized that Alex was already looking at us with a knowing smile. I gave him a warning look to not say anything and he continued to sing.

I turned to Benedict and noticed that he had placed his handkerchief in his coat pocket and was hiding the wrapping paper inside his jacket.

The song Francesca was playing came to an end and we all applauded in unison for the wonderful performance. Or I assumed so since I was not paying attention, but it was Alex and Francesca. Of course it was a wonderful performance. Everyone began to return to where they were before.

“Hey Benedict where did you get that handkerchief? I do not remember you wearing that earlier tonight.” Alex said with a grin.

“What do you mean? I was wearing this the entire night.” Benedict replied.

He was quickly winked at me and I giggled in return as we walked with Alex back to the fireplace where Anthony was waiting for us.

—————————

My family and I entered the Bridgerton household for Penelope and Colin’s engagement party.

The main entrance was decorated beautifully with the flower arrangements. The center table carried cakes, macarons, I wonder if they had any raspberry ones, and other pastries, and the musicians playing were magnificent. The party was very classy and well done.

Kate was the first to notice us and quickly welcomed us in.

“Welcome. It is so wonderful to see all of you!” She said.

“It is lovely to see you as well.” My mama replied.

“I love what you have done with the place.” I said.

“Thank you! It took some time, but I am happy with the results. Would you all care to join me?”

“Of course!” My mama answered.

Mama, Adeline, and I began to follow Kate to where the three eldest Bridgerton brothers were.

“Good evening gentlemen.” Kate said.

“Clearwater family! I am glad you all could make it!” Anthony said with a smile when he realized our presence.

“Thank you having us.” Father said.

“The pleasure is mine.”

“You have truly outdone yourself, sister. Look at the place.” Benedict said.

My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice.

“I just finished telling her that.” I said.

“Well if Y/n said it then it must be true.” Benedict joked.

Anthony and Kate gave Benedict a curious look, but said nothing.

“Thank you!” Kate said as she looked at all of the three brother’s attire. “You all look dashing.”

“Not as dashing as Gregory.” Anthony said.

We all turned to see Hyacinth and Gregory walking down the stairs, but what was rather peculiar was that a tall black top hat adorned Gregory’s head.

“Brother, wherever did you get such a fine hat?” Anthony asked.

“I will be an Eton man soon. It is high time I began presenting myself as one.”

He looked ridiculous, but I do not think anyone had the heart to make fun of him for it. Well almost everyone.

“Perhaps Eton will make your brain big enough to fill that hat.” Hyacinth jabbed at Gregory.

That earned a few chuckles and I found myself being one of them. Kate stepped in to try to make Gregory feel better.

“Well, as a man of the house, you must greet our guests.”

Kate, Gregory and Hyacinth walked to where Lord and Lady Mondrich entered with their eldest son.

“I am heading over to where Francesca, Violet, and Lady Bridgerton are with mama. Care to join me?” Adeline asked.

“Mhm-hmm.”

“Gentleman I shall see you around.” I said with a curtsy as I left with Adeline. But before I left I gave Benedict a quick smile which he returned. We both had a mutual understanding that we would talk later.

It is insane how now we can silently communicate with one another. It’s as if we are both in tune with one another and know every single twitch and slight movements we make.

Mama, Adeline and I walked to where Francesca, Violet and Lady Danbury were talking.

Francesca was the first to notice us.

“Y/n!” She said and she quickly brought me into an embrace.

“Francesca it is so good to see you.”

“Aphrodite! I am glad you all could make it!” Violet said as she hugged Mama, Adeline and I.

“We wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Mama said.

“Lady Clearwater. Miss Y/n. Miss Adeline.” It has been a while since we have seen each other. How are all of you?” Lady Danbury asked.

“We are doing well.” My mama said. “But it has been hectic and with having both daughters in society and catching the affections of two fine gentleman.”

“Yes I am familiar with their affiliations with Lord Tewkesberry and Lord Harvey. I assume things are going well yes.”

“Yes they are.” Adeline said.

I simply nodded.

“How wonderful. Violet. Aphrodite. Do you both care to join me on the balcony?”

“Why yes of course.” Violet said.

“It would be my pleasure.” Mama said.

Now it was just Francesca, Adeline, and I.

“I could not help, but notice that Cressida Cowper is here. What is up with that?” I asked.

“I have no idea.” Francesca answered.

“Penelope cannot be friends with her right?” Adeline asked.

“Oh most definitely not.” I said, “Like everyone else Penelope despises the girl.”

“There must be a reason why she is present.”

We all turned to secretly look at Cressida and tried to muster up an idea of why she is here. When looking at Cressida, I noticed that Penelope was talking with Colin.

“Excuse me.” I said to Francesca and Adeline as I made my way to Penelope and Colin.

It has been so long, since we have last seen each other. I do not think we even crossed paths at the ball earlier this week. We had a lot to discuss such as, how did this engagement happen and what happened to Lord Debling? I also had some feelings that I needed to get off of my chest.

Colin left Penelope which gave me the perfect opportunity to speak with her, but before I could, Eloise beat me to it. Wait Eloise? What was Eloise doing talking with Penelope. I do not believe that they reconciled their friendship, unless they already have. Have I really missed that much in a short amount of time?

“Penny for your thoughts?”

I turned to my right to see Benedict holding two glasses of champagne.

“Is one of those glasses for me or are you planning on getting drunk at your brother’s engagement party?” I joked.

My response caused him to laugh.

“As much fun the latter sounds it is the former.”

“Well thank you.”

I plucked one of the glasses from his hand and took a sip.

“Are you enjoying the party so far?” He asked.

“Oh yes, but I am rather disappointed that I have yet to speak to my best friend who is the future bride.”

I looked to see that Eloise was still talking to Penelope.

“Ah. Well you will get to talk to her eventually.”

“I hope so.”

“You look Beautiful tonight.”

His comment almost made me choke on my champagne. Butterflies entered my stomach and my face became hot.

Benedict chuckled and said, “You look cute when you are blushing.”

I tried to hide my face as I felt my face get even hotter. I do not know how he has such an effect on me, but he can make me melt with just a single word.

“You may look beautiful tonight…” he said in a low whisper. “…but not as beautiful as the way you looked the other night on the balcony.” He whispered in my ear.

Now I definitely choked on my champagne. Why did he have to say such things, while I was sipping on my champagne? Now my cheeks were definitely crimson red. I cannot believe he said that when others could possibly hear. I hope nobody heard. His inappropriate words led me to the question that has plagued my mind all week.

“Benedict I think we should talk about what happened.”

Benedict gave me a look of understanding.

“I think we should as well.”

Ever since the ball my mind has been in a constant swirl thinking about what we were. There are many muddy things that need to be cleaned out because we can no longer be in this undetected territory. We are classified as friends, but friends don’t have a steamy make out session with each other on the balcony.

Benedict led me to the corner of the room and waited for me to begin. Here goes nothing.

“What are we Benedict?”

Might as well get straight to the point instead of beating around the bush.

“You tell me.” Benedict said with a smirk.

This was not the time to be playing games.

“I’m serious. What are we?”

Benedict cleared his throat and said.

“I don’t know.”

“It’s been in my mind for days.”

“Me too.”

A pleasant, but confusing, silence filled the atmosphere.

“What would you like to be?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Marriage has never been on my mind much. But I do know that I want to be with you and I am not opposed to the idea.”

“Of marriage?”

He nodded.

This was a lot to take in. He basically confessed to not thinking about marriage until he met me.

“Do you want marriage with me?” He asked.

I almost blurted out the word yes, but I stopped myself. I wanted to say yes so badly but there was someone stopping me from doing so: Maxwell. Maxwell was the definition of a perfect husband and I cannot bare to break his heart if I ended our courtship. I want to, but I don’t even know how to begin.

“Hey listen.” Benedict said. He must have understood my inner dilemma. “Take your time. I will wait for you.”

“You will?”

“I will.”

Benedict grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. Sealing his promise. He understood what I needed to do and he confirmed that he will be waiting for me when the time comes. I can take an eternity and he will still be there waiting. I really don’t deserve this man.

“You know you still have to tell me the singing story about my brother at Eton.” I said changing the topic of discussion.

“Well that was a complete 180.” Benedict said to you a chuckle, “But if you insist. At Eton there is a program where we can receive a $2,000 scholarship if we compete a minimum of 30 hours of community service per semester. That semester we signed up late, so we did not have a choice on where to go, so we were sent to an orphanage that was run by nuns.”

“Nuns? Why am I scared about what Alex did now that I know there are nuns involved?”

“Oh you should be scared.” He said with a chuckle. “Alex and I, and a few other students, were assigned to sorting clothes and Alex thought it would be fun to do a performance, since most of us were bored and wanted a break. Alex began to perform a rendition of a song he heard called, “Lady Marmalade” by Labelle. Have you heard of it?”

(A/n:I know this is not historically accurate, but I LOVE Moulin Rouge, so it is what it is)

I in fact have. The song was a little controversial since, it was about prostitution. Adults know about the context, but children don’t.

“I cannot believe Alex did that!” I said with laughter.

“It gets worse!”

“Oh? Oh no.”

“Oh no indeed. While we are all laughing at him, we all did not realize that there was a nun at the doorway, and she saw the whole thing and nearly had a heart attack. When asked if he knew what the song meant by the nun, Alex responded with “Love right?”. The nun then said “Yes, but not the kind of love you should be singing at an institution with God present, so please do not do that again”.

Now I completely lost it and broke into a fit of laughter and Benedict joined me. I was laughing so hard that I had to put my arm on Benedict’s shoulder for balance. What Benedict and I didn’t notice was that Kate was watching us from a distance with a soft smile on her face.

—————————

Kate

I finally finished my rounds of checking to make sure everything was alright with the guests, when I noticed Benedict and Y/n together. This was no surprise, since everyone knows they are very close friends, but there is something different about them here.

They spoke in hushed whispers and when Benedict made Y/n laugh she put her hand on his arm and brought him even closer than he already was if that was even possible. But there was something else in both their eyes. A longing and desire, but also a hint of adoration and—. Wait. Anthony mentioned something about Benedict a few days ago.

I scanned the room until my eyes landed on my husband near the pastry table. I quickly strode across the floor, occasionally acknowledging a few guests, until I reached Anthony. I placed my hand on his back to notify him of my presence.

He turned to look at me and his face grew into a wonderful smile. It almost made my heart melt and I know deep down I will never get tired of his smile.

“Kate.” He said before brining me into a chaste kiss.

“Are you alright? Please do not over exert yourself, especially with your condition.” He whispered the last few words.

I was currently with child, but we have yet to tell his family yet. We wanted to, but then Colin announced his engagement and I felt like it was not the right time to share the news. Anthony was disappointed, but he understood my reasoning.

“I am alright my love. I came here to ask you a question actually.”

“Yes of course what is it.”

Anthony placed his macaroon on the table and positioned his body to me, so I can have his full undivided attention.

“You mentioned something about Benedict a few days ago. That there was a special girl.”

“Yes I do recall, but he was very secretive about it. I do not even know who she is.”

“That is the thing. I think I found a possible candidate for Benedict’s mystery girl.”

Anthony raised his eyebrows and a look of curiosity was shown on his face.

“Carry on.” He said.

I motioned my head in the corner where Benedict and Y/n were talking in hushed voiced and giggling. I looked at Anthony’s face and I saw nothing, but shock.

“Darling are you alright?” I asked.

Anthony cleared his throat.

“Yes I am alright, but I feel completely stupid.”

“Why do you feel stupid?”

He looked at me.

“Looking at those two it is clear as day that they have affection for each other. I feel stupid that I did not realize it sooner.” He said with a chuckle.

I laughed at his answer.

“I understand what you mean, but please do not call yourself stupid. You are everything, but stupid.”

“Alright I am not stupid.” He said as his hands found a spot around my waist

My hands went around his neck. Anthony looked at Benedict and Y/n once again and there was a look of sadness and confusion on his face.

“Are you sure you are alright?” I asked.

“Yes I am.” He said as he looked back at me, “I simply wish that he felt comfortable enough to tell me about Y/n. And Colin. Y/n is currently courting Maxwell, which makes the situation complicated. I wish he would have come to me though.”

“Sounds a lot like us.” I said with fondness.

Anthony looked at me with confusion.

“You were courting my sister and somehow ended up with me. It seems like there is a third party involved with them just like how there was one with us.”

Recognition and affection found its way on his face.

“Good point.” He said with a grin.

“And how did that situation pan out?”

“Very well.”

“Then there is no need to worry about Benedict.”

“I guess you are right.” Anthony said as he sealed my lips with a kiss.

—————————

Once I was done laughing I said, “That definitely sounds like Alex.”

“Before that day we were acquaintances, but right then and there I decided he would be my best friend and the rest is history.” I smiled at the memory that he just shared with me.

Suddenly we heard glass clinking and we turned to see Colin motioning for everyone to gather around.

“Good evening everyone. If you will allow me a few words.”

We all formed a circle to listen to what Colin had to say.

“Most people, when they fall off their horse, are counseled to get back on again. I say stay down, for in the mud, you may happen to be blessed with your future bride.”

Light laughter spread around the room.

“It was my atrocious riding that led me to Miss Featherington, Pen…and I am so grateful to be with her tonight. I look forward to our life together, to knowing each other fully, and to never taking a single day with you for granted.”

Colin rose his glass and we all did the same as we congratulated him and Penelope.

After Colin’s speech I could tell that he truly deeply loved Penelope and I could not help, but feel grateful for her. Finally someone is able to appreciate how wonderful Pen is and it is Colin of all people.

Suddenly Eloise clinked her glass.

“Congratulations to you both. Here is to truly knowing each other.” She looked directly at Penelope before saying, “Completely. Before the clock runs out.”

An awkward atmosphere filled the room and no one knew what to do next. Eloise noticed this tried to fix it.

“Hmm. The clock of life, of course. Ticks for us all. To your good health.” And Eloise took a sip of champagne. I winced at her words. Now no one definitely did not know what to do next.

“Thank you, Eloise. I…”

Luckily Colin stepped in, but it looked like he was at a loss for words too. Then Lady Featherington cut in.

“I should like to add how… proud I am of my lovely daughter Penelope. To the match of the season, and the Featherington-Bridgerton family.”

“I cannot tell if this party needs stronger drinks or weaker ones.” Benedict whispered to me and I placed my hand over my mouth to stifle my laughs.

“Now, perhaps some dessert and charades in the drawing room.” Kate said to move the party along and thank god because it was getting really awkward with all the interruptions.

As Benedict and I followed the other guests to the drawing room. I noticed that Penelope seemed off. I believe it might have been Eloise’s words that made her feel this type of way.

Although Eloise’s words were nice, but awkward, I could tell that there was some hidden meaning behind them. I just did not know what.

But I knew I would definitely find out tonight.

—————————

“Bridgerton rules everyone.” Anthony began to explain, “The person who guesses correctly shall take the next turn. We shall continue swapping around the room until the intellectual genius of the group reveals him or herself.”

We were all currently seated in the drawing room about to play a riddle game. Benedict and I were currently standing behind Colin and Penelope who were both seated on the couch. Before we began I placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and gave her a warm smile which she seemed to appreciate. We both agreed that we would talk with one another after the game.

“Who shall go first?” Benedict asked.

“Ah. I think Penelope. It is her night after all.” Kate said.

Anthony placed the book of riddles in front of Penelope and she decided to take it.

“Very well.” She said.

We all waited silently to hear the first riddle.

“My second is conveyed to my first by the company of my family. My white is a product of spring.” Penelope read.

“A product of spring..” Alex mumbled beside me.

“Surely a flower of some kind.” Lady Mondrich said.

“Lilies. Forget-me-nots. Lilacs.” Anthony shouted.

“No!” I said.

“Do you know the answer ?” Benedict asked me.

“I have no clue.”

Benedict chuckled.

“Me neither.”

“Ease is conveyed to one’s heart by the company of family. Heart’s-ease, the flower.” Eloise said.

“Eloise is correct.” Penelope stated.

We all began to clap and congratulate Eloise.

“Your turn then.” Benedict said.

Penelope gave the book to Eloise and the interaction was rather awkward. It was hard to watch.

Eloise read the riddle and Penelope guessed right and when Penelope read the next riddle Eloise guessed correct again.

“Will the rest of us participate in the game as well?” Benedict asked.

“Well there is a history between these two.” I said.

“And perhaps it will finally be settled.” Colin said. Colin and I both shared a look, both of us hoping that Penelope and Eloise can solve the conflict between them. While Colin and Benedict are clueless, I am actually the only one who knows the true reason why they are no longer on speaking terms.

I just hope they can resolve their issues tonight. It is Penelope’s engagement party for Christ’s sake. It is the least Eloise could do especially since they will be family soon.

The game continued, and the usual pattern, thank god, was finally broken when Lord Mondrich guessed a riddle correctly, then Alex, Noah, and Lady Featherington, followed by Benedict.

“My first is nothing but a name. My second’s still more small. My whole of so much smaller fame, it has no name at all.”

I thought about it until I think I found the answer.

“How about…”nameless”? I asked.

“Aw…well yes.” Benedict said defeated. Everyone chuckled as Benedict returned to where I was standing. I gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze and told him it was okay.

“Something Lady Whistledown will not be for much longer.” Colin said.

The rest of the guests chuckled at Colin’s words, but I quickly looked at Penelope. I could not tell what her facial expressions were because her back was towards me.

“The Queen has made sure of that.” Lady Featherington said.

Penelope then interrupted Cressida by saying, “Who’d pursue a matter as trivial as Whistledown’s identity? It all feels…vulgar.”

“I would argue Whistledown is the vulgar one. Though the ton could do with a little vulgarity.” Noah said.

Cressida was interrupted again when Lady Mondrich said, “If she is unmasked, it will spell ruin for her family.”

“And certainly any hope of marriage.” Father said.

Colin went to get a glass of champagne and Penelope began to shake as her breath began to quicken.

“Excuse me.” She said quietly as she exited the room

[skatiet]

ok so. lost shipping. this is mainly just going to focus on the quadrangle (jack, kate, sawyer, & juliet). the thing is, i don't hate a love triangle polygon. i think it can lead to interesting character dynamics. but lost somehow missed the entire point of a love polygon, which is choice.

i personally believe that a person can be in love with more than one person, at the same time or at different times, whether that's in a polyamorous way or in a "i'm monogamous, but i just haven't decided which of these people i want to be with" way. i’m going to ignore the polyamorous way for now, because in lost canon that's never mentioned as a possibility, so it's implied that all the characters are seeking monogamous romantic relationships.

so, it's pretty clearly shown to us that kate loves both jack and sawyer and that sawyer loves both kate and juliet, at some point throughout the series. (i've seen people disagree with this, but i'm taking the character's words and actions as they are presented, so if you disagree, i don't know what to tell you.) the writers lean very heavily into kate's "choice" specifically. the concept that she could simply be interested in/dating/whatever two people at once when she hasn't committed or promised anything to either one of them being seen a problem is an entire other rant's worth of nonsense, but if we just take it as the show presents it to us, she has to choose between jack and sawyer. the problem is, she is never actually given a choice. three seasons worth of build up is never paid off because... sawyer jumps out of the chopper. and in being separated from kate, he is never given a real choice either, because by the time he is in the position to make that choice, one of the "options" is gone.

now, one could argue that sawyer made the choice not to be with kate by jumping out of the chopper, or that kate made the choice not to be with sawyer by not following him, but neither one of them knew that those decisions would result in them being separated for three years. so yes, kate ends up with jack because sawyer is no longer an option, and we never get to see what her decision-making process would've looked like had they both been there long enough for her to make that choice. and sawyer ends up with juliet in the same way. we never get to see what he would've done had kate still been around as he was falling more in love with juliet.

the entire interesting part of this entire situation was taken away because the choice was made for them by their circumstances. the show leans into the idea that whatever happens would always have happened, and the universe "course corrects," so maybe these pairings always would've happened, but the fact that we don't get to see a reason why they happen other than "the other person i was considering is now completely inaccessible to me" is so incredibly anticlimactic and disappointing. not to mention (and perhaps this is possibly partly a result of the strike shortening season 4), we barely get to see the actual relationships play out. we have 3 seasons of jack and kate's dynamic to work with, at least, but sawyer and juliet literally get "so we started to get along, then we were in love, the end." there is such little payoff.

and maybe that's part of why people in the lost fandom still to this day get incredibly defensive about their favorite pairings, because they as fans have created more of those couples’ stories than the writers of the show did. so, there are plenty of reasons people like different combinations of these four characters together, whether it's "these two have the most interesting bond to me," "these two are the characters i like the most as individuals so i want to see them together," "i like the chemistry between the actors who play these two the most," "these two are the hottest to me," or any number of other things. but it's never because we see a character make a fully-informed free choice.

and this isn't the only case of the writers doing this. we see potential relationships between jack and ana lucia, as well as sawyer and ana lucia, but she dies before either of them can ever fully decide if that's something they want to pursue. shannon dies before sayid is ever faced with a decision between her and nadia. and of course, juliet and jack die before any potential further quadrangle situations could be explored (not that they would've, given that sawyer and juliet are in a committed, presumably monogamous relationship at that point, but by the point of the finale, there's no room for the possibility at all.)

and again, this is another rant all on it's own, but we end this show, which was called time and time again an ensemble show, with an afterlife that is completely from jack's point of view. we see every character paired up with the person that jack saw them with during his lifetime, with no regard for other potential important relationships in their lives. and i get it, obviously. it would make no sense for the characters who lived beyond the finale to suddenly have other significant others, or to have more established relationships with each other, when we never see any of that play out. but it just feels reductive to only see them reunite in the circumstances that existed at the time of jack's death. but like i said, that's another issue altogether.

tl;dr the lost writers did a really bad job with their romantic relationships and everyone’s favorite ships are good and correct and we should all be nice to each other and love each other forever <3

[dropthedemiurge]

Kawi is a perfect Cartoon Character filmed in BL

We were talking about comedy acting of gmm actors in our discord, and I understandably went on a rant about Krist's comedic performance in Be My Favorite (because his dramatic acting is good but he chose such a unique delicious comedy to give to Kawi, and I've been obsessed with it since the very first episode so let me bring it here too xD)

I was so surprised and intrigued when I saw Kawi in BMF, because in the beginning of the series Kawi looks funny. Unhinged. Unserious. AND IT DOES NOT LOOK CRINGE! (fight me)

For me it's something that's so easy to fuck up, and Thai comedies just love being silly-cringe on purpose (I'm sorry, I have to admit, I get second hand embarrassment often when watching unserious scenes in BLs). But Kawi. He's just. So excitingly funny for the viewers. Krist created his behavior with such a careful nuance, he gave us the first impression of Kawi so nicely, that a non-social immature main character who easily could get 'EW noo' reaction from viewers, is just a very adorable weird fool you can't help but keep watching to see in what kind of trash situations he'll end up.

I think here's a huge reason why: Kawi looks and feels like a cartoon character. I don't even know how Krist did it, I worked as 2d/3d animator and artist for some time in the past and I deliberately tried to make myself act like a cartoon character to film references for animation, so let me tell you – it's HARD xD

Disclaimer: i'm not big professional, just a freelancer so my terms might not be official, i'm just describing what i've learnt from professionals, these are basic things

I think Krist said it himself somewhere in bts that it was his deliberate choice and hard work but Kawi is absolutely animated in a very cartoonish way, but he also calms down and matures throughout the whole series, his movements become more gentle, fluid and less loud.  It's such a difficult way to smoothly change the character and it's a hard work for the actor, if you consider that episodes and scenes aren't usually filmed chronologically.

The first episode of BMF is like the epitome of Kawi As Cartoon Character (remember Kawi stealing Pisaeng's clothes scene, the dancing, fighting the gangster, everything) and it works really great to establish that comedic introduction and fool us all into thinking this is just a silly comedic BL show and not a very complicated, profound and mature series as it turned out to be :D

I dissect for myself why this happens, what Krist makes:

Loud hyperactive movements (wide animated gestures, compared to all other characters behaving like adults in real world; think of Stage Persona and theatrics)

Action lines and curves (compare Pisaeng and Kawi on screenshots, think how Pisaeng would hold his hand out and look how Kawi is posing. Krist said they rehearsed poses in that scene a lot, and I really believe it. He stretches out arms a bit too far away, he bends more than usual person, he cranes his neck, he makes just perfect action lines throughout his whole body. When you want to make a cartoon character out of someone's photo, you exaggerate and smooth out posture so the motion would be felt, and Krist just does it in real life)

Fast movements ending up in an abrupt VERY ART-LIKE POSE, and quick change of sharp poses (it's a base rule for good artists to make characters have a clear pose, so you would be able to guess what's going on from only the silhouette). It's probably not a natural way to stand in front of the camera, but Krist often turns his body just enough to have very recognizable silhouettes (enhanced by directing from P'Waa probably)

He exaggerates emotions like a comic character as well; wide eyes, mouth, furrowed eyebrows or extreme pout; even his voice is loud, he shouts and yells louder than anyone else in the series. Of course, only when he's comfortable (with Pisaeng, with Magic Uncle, sometimes with Max). When Kawi isn't comfortable, Krist makes him small, roll into himself, speak quieter and softer, while still having cute gestures like fidgeting.

Cartoonish character compliments Kawi's childish behavior so well, it adds cuteness and stops viewers from rolling their eyes

KAWI LITERALLY IS ACCOMPANIED BY CARTOON SOUND EFFECTS IN THE SERIES, I mean - Pisaeng sometimes gets his sound effect of something breaking, u know like huh??, but if you listen, so many actions and gestures of Kawi are followed by various cartoon sounds. All the time. Even when he gets more mature and reaches zen, they are still present, just not as often.

And that dance? Might not be truly something cartoons would have, but it's so unhinged and quick and childishly weird, Kawi is almost literally operating at 24fps there, the flashing lighting helps a lot as well xD

(overall, think about famous tiktok videos of a girl acting like a disney character irl but if i'm not wrong, there's also a technique of slowing and speeding up the video/audio, and Krist simply acts like that in front of the camera. fascinating)

Krist's work on Kawi's comedic behavior is just chef's kiss, even if you didn't know the plot, just by seeing Kawi in random scenes, you'd know it's a whole character arc just reflected through the body. Which is, I guess, what acting is about xD But it is SO RARE to see for me in BLs and Thai's lakorns, and maybe I just don't watch a lot of comedy series but I'm extremely impressed with how great that cartoonish Kawi looks, from an artist point of view.

I think the other character from BLs close to this feeling would be Sky from Love in the Air. If you know others, please let me know!

[hageny]

Succession Thoughts: Gerri x Roman 

1. Cash In, Cash Out.

This episode afforded us no Roman and Gerri content as of yet, but it did build on the interesting themes already at play in episode one. We see the siblings--mainly Shiv and Kendall--trying to undercut the deal Logan has struck with Matsson to let Gojo buy Waystar. Shiv, as usual, is following her own best interests in spite of her alleged interest in a team-up with her siblings, speaking privately on the phone to Sandi at the beginning of the episode, and leaving her siblings in the dark about the phone call. Kendall, later, does the same thing when he receives a text from Stewy. Like in the birthday episode of last season, both Shiv and Ken are playing their own games, but try to squash Roman for receiving a text from their father. Their anger at him is understandable, but hardly fair, considering their actions. The same goes for the halting of the sale of Waystar, which Roman seems mostly uninterested in. Already we can see the seeds it dissent growing. Roman wants to move forward with his life; revenge is boring to him, and he’s savvy enough to see a horizon that doesn’t involve hating his father, but also doesn’t involve being in business with his father. He’s attempting to make the smart choice to disengage rather than continue to beat a dead horse. While he may believe there is a future with his siblings and he on the same side, deep down the viewer knows that this is highly unlikely. They can’t move forward, and they don’t have near enough respect for his tenacity and knowledge to utilize him in the way they should. Gerri was the only one who tapped into Roman’s strengths, molded him, overlooked and forgave his weaknesses. One can hope this might mean that a future without both his siblings and his father might involve a future teamed with her--at the very least in a business sense--but considering the universe these characters inhabit, such a rosy view of things is probably naive to take. Even so, the fact remains that the cracks in the surface of the union between Roman, Shiv, Kendall, and Connor are starting to show. Granted, Connor isn’t involved in their business dealings per say, but while he and Roman have a similar view of their place and lot in life, Shiv and Kendall seem  most capable of sinking the ship.

2. Oldest One Out.

The good thing about having a family that doesn’t love you is you learn to live without it. 

I don’t touch on Connor too often, but I will say that the ending scene with him was such a nice glimpse into who he is as a person. He’s in the midst of a tough him--Willa has bolted after the reception, his political career is murky at best--and when his siblings sit down with him at the reception just after Willa has left, he makes it clear that all he’d really like is to spend time with them, to connect and have fun and take his mind off of things. Sadly, for him, Shiv and Ken are mostly uninterested/incapable of not talking business, it being the primary source of connection between them for the whole of their lives. They’ll pat him on the shoulder every now and again before launching into a new tactic, new strategy, and when Connor does utter the sentence quoted above it’s hard to argue with him. He’s always attempted to be neutral in the middle of whatever chaos is engulfing his family, and it’s noted a few times throughout the series that he was essentially a surrogate father to his younger siblings because Logan was so often absent. This moment of vulnerability in the last episode showcases exactly why Connor is with Willa. It’s clear to everyone she’s not in love with him, and really is too yielding to tell him the truth, dancing along to his every whim and becoming more dissatisfied in the process. While Connor is incredibly selfish in his relationship with her, that selfishness is borne less from a malicious intent and more from a desperate desire to be loved by someone, anyone, because his family does not care about him. Roman, arguably, showcases the most interest in him, having likely bonded with him as a child on whatever excursions Connor took him on that were meant for father and son, but there is still a distance present between them. However, as anyone with life experience knows, you cannot make people love you, no matter how you try. You can be present, honest, nurturing, and it could still not be enough, and this sad fact is at the center of his relationship with Willa. No amount of giving and begging will turn her tolerance for him into love, and if Connor doesn’t realize this and let her go, he is in for more pain than even he has yet felt before. 

[bakerstreetbabble]

Granada TV Series Review: "The Musgrave Ritual" (S03, E03)

Well, here we have a very unusual adaptation indeed! Readers of the original Sherlock Holmes canon will recognize "The Musgrave Ritual" as one of the few stories that actually takes place before Holmes and Watson meet. Right off the bat, this poses some difficulties for writers adapting it for the screen. The story consists largely of Holmes telling Watson about one of his earlier cases "before my biographer had come to glorify me." He tells Watson of cases that have long intrigued Sherlockians:

the Tarleton murders, and the case of Vamberry, the wine merchant, and the adventure of the old Russian woman, and the singular affair of the aluminum crutch, as well as a full account of Ricoletti of the club-foot, and his abominable wife.​

As Holmes tells Watson the story of how one of his former university colleagues, Reginald Musgrave, showed up at his rooms in Montague Street, the story-within-a-story actually becomes a story-within-a-story-within-a-story, leading to double quotation marks within single quotation marks within double quotation marks. So, obviously something different needed to be done with the adaptation.

Now I would have expected the story to be told as a flashback, Holmes telling Watson about one of his cases in the old days. However, the writers chose to get a little more creative: they insert Watson into the story, and the scene is now Holmes and Watson being invited for a little vacation time at the estate of Reginald Musgrave. As the adventure unfolds, the dynamic duo are in the middle of the action, and the tale gets rather entertaining and interesting. Most of the major plot points are imported intact from the source material, as well as large chunks of dialogue from the original. Not the least of these is the "Musgrave Ritual" from the title. (I have removed all of the many quotation marks, for ease of reading.)

Whose was it? His who is gone. Who shall have it? He who will come. Where was the sun? Over the oak. Where was the shadow? Under the elm. How was it stepped? North by ten and by ten, east by five and by five, south by two and by two, west by one and by one, and so under. What shall we give for it? All that is ours. Why should we give it? For the sake of the trust.

As the adaptation unfolds, the mystery is rather engaging for the viewer, but there are some misssteps along the way. The most bewildering choice, I thought, was that Holmes inexplicably spends the first half of the episode wrapping himself in an afghan blanket, as if he is freezing, while no one around him seems to be too cold at all. I found that little detail to be incredibly distracting. Also, Jeremy Brett spends an entire scene holding back laughter, and then erupting into guffaws for...no reason whatsoever.

One might also be surprised (in the original story and in its adaptation) by an adventure in which Holmes solves the case of the mysterious Musgrave Ritual, but seems completely unconcerned by the missing Rachel Howells, who most likely was directly involved in the murder of the butler Brunton. The adaptation solves this problem, to a certain extent, by having the woman's body emerge from the pond, as another servant (with whom Brunton had an affair) discovers the corpse and runs away, shrieking. Considering, though, that the pond had been searched thoroughly at an earlier point in the episode, this doesn't really make a whole lot of sense.

So, is this a faithful adaptation of the story of "The Musgrave Ritual"? Well, yes and no. As I mentioned, most of the story is fairly similar, but there are certainly many liberties taken, rearranging it for ease of storytelling, as well as to have Watson be a participant. Still, it's enjoyable enough to watch, and there are great moments throughout, including a lovely shot of Holmes, Watson and Musgrave at work on the mystery, which I've shared at the top of the post, and a humorous moment when Watson miscalculates the length of a shadow (after Holmes has exclaimed, "The answer lies in trigonometry!").  Overall, an entertaining, if a bit unusual, entry into the Granada canon.

[justathingfromthebrainvoid]

The feral thoughts have encroached upon the brain cells I need for normal life, so I’m dumping them here in attempt to save at least some of them. Okay so first off: Limited Life, so novel in a way. Sure the life series have always been Hardcore/Hardcore-adjacent and no one lives forever, but having that set time from the beginning that only ticks down, always there, always present, is fascinating and I can’t wait to see what it does to people’s heads. It is the literal reminder that no one is getting out of this alive and These Deaths Are Inevitable. That hard line is going to turn into a wall people are going end up running into like birds and windows, because the fighting is practically useless. Even if one person manages to kill everyone else and gain all that time, it will still run out. Everyone is running on this treadmill and slowly falling further behind. There is no survival here, but they're still going to try. Fighting and kicking and screaming for every last second they can get. And we're going to see that different type of end now, where instead of falling victim to another player or the world, their time simply runs out. And there's a high chance that they're going to have to watch it run out. Next: the teams. ooooo, they grouped up in such interesting ways (and locations). Grian, Joel, and Jimmy setting up on a mansion in what could be a good defensive position, but also the danger below (and the call backs the 100 hours Hardcore, pls tell me someone else thought of that). Two of them have already died to... stupid enough reasons, because they keep egging each other on. There are no braincell's in this group, just chaos and the loyalty they have towards each other isn't anything special yet. Their bonds are of "sure might as well" and humor. It's the "I can make him worse" but none of them are smart enough to realize it. Then there's T.I.E.S, which have fairly stable relationships throughout the group, but they can't keep any kind of cow (and sometimes themselves) alive through pure bad luck. They should be smart and capable with the kinds of players they are, but when you put them all together they somehow lose all of that and run around like headless chickens. Then there's Scott and Martyn which ... could work, but only if they fully comit to being loyal, otherwise I see this half playing out as the couple subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) trying to murder each other. They will get along, but only when it's in their best interests to do so, and will totally have multiple side deals along the way. Please become truly loyal to each other tho, because I think it would make for a very interesting dynamic. The ... CLockers is really going to be "we make each other worse" with a medium chance of betrayal, mostly from Bdubs as it gets closer to the end times, but Cleo already seems to have chosen her loyalty and that could definitely push them into being a fairly strong (if not completely stable) group. Scar goes with the Storyline, which seems to be pairing him with Bdubs this time around, so it will be interesting to see if the "Mom" joke sticks around long enough to become part of that or not, and if Cleo doesn't kill them herself. Then Pearl and BigB are just going to be suspicion central, both with everyone else and each other. Pearl usually won't go after her allies, but there's always that chance (which her allies always seem somewhat aware of, loyal in part out of wariness) and BigB... he's just secretive, not necessarily by choice, but by nature so it can be confusing if his words are true or not, even with his actions. They're still mostly protected by reputation tho, and are both so dumb. Third, the area. There's a mansion. Which means totems. At least a couple people are going to go after them in spite of the risks, just because they do exist, and especially in the early days, What's an hour now to a chance at life later? But then there's the delayed consequence. What's a chance at life later to something you have now? Is your time better spent doing something else? I think, or at least I hope, there's going to be a lot more thinking about future scenarios. They should be careful, but with the illusion of the time they have and things like keep inventory on, that's going to get muddled. Until the colors start switching. And people continue to be close together. (I understand the content, but I look back at the winners, and for the most part they were in area's harder to get to most of the time.) Then there's the lunacy of both the Neighbors and Clockers setting up right where people first respawn ... with all of their gear... and treating it like a show... how fortunate for those first few yellows and reds that are killed. and yellows can/are encouraged to kill this time around. which brings the amount of people able to kill up more. This world is made to see you dead. In a way the others built towards, but this one... it's very final. You will die. You can't outrun the clock. And Finally, fourth, the "curses" and who i think would make for an interesting winner. "Curse 1"- Boogeyman: going strong, attached to Scott first (slight sarcasm via the man himself commenting on it being revenge for his refusal to kill in last life, which i will be taking as fact) before moving the Bdubs who showed no hesitation, and then Martyn. "Curse 2"- Jimmy the Death Omen: pls return, yes it will make people think there is actually possibly a script, but it's so funny. And while Jimmy never dies first, his perma-death always involves the person who did in some capacity, so I shall be keeping my eye out for Skizz and Timmy interactions. "Curse 3"- Enchanter: there is defiantly one in play, but there is a chance they're made this season, which might free Scar from it. "Curse 4"- Grian's Friends: .... again I just want to see if this one plays out again, cause if so I will laugh. "Curse 5"- Scar's pets/mixed in with dog army this season: dog army may have gotten broken thanks to Pearl last season, but it could have been a one time thing. We shall see if someone dies from killing one of Scar and Bdub's dogs. "Curse 6"- Scar's 1st life: broken this season due to fall damage! interested to see if grian is the first to kill scar tho. "Curse 7"- Joel's Madness: most likely will happen, just a matter of when. "Curse 8"- Lone Tango death: up in the air. "Curse 9"- Widow Scott: possibly broken due to double life, possibly not, unsure if Martyn counts as the partner yet. "Curses 10, 11, and 12"- Bdubs, Cleo Betrayed, and Cleo's Death: grouped together, because they are grouped together. Could work out in a very interesting way. And "the Victor's Wish/Curse": Grian dies betrayed and the Boogeyman is created with lives uncertain, but able to be traded. Scott dies and the players are bound to another, shared lives, shared health, for better or worse. Pearl dies... and the Boogeyman returns with a countdown people can't escape only extend by taking others out. Hopeful winners: Cleo or Bdubs. Both have things with time going on a the moment and have a decent group. Both would fit with my odd brain narrative. Runners up: Scar, BigB, maybe Martyn. Though these could change and aren't that important, I will be rooting for Cleo as much as possible.

[wanderingwolpertinger]

finished Six of Crows yesterday (yes I skipped shadow and bone entirely the opening exposition was annoying me buuuut I'll go back later. Blame my friend she said I should start with SoC) and I haven't started Crooked Kingdom (no spoilers please!) however I wanted to dump my thoughts for a bit (I probably ended up being overly critical so if this is your fav series maybe scroll by lol)

-the characters were the highlight of the story for me, super well executed banter. Tie between Kaz and Matthias for fav POV. (Kaz's backstory was especially well done, the way it influenced his actions throughout SoC was very natural)

-worldbuilding/lore was pretty easy to follow even though I did not read S&B or watch the show. magic system is pretty cool, excited to see it fleshed out in S&B

-not sure how I feel about how ship-happy this series is (maybe the author was trying to outrun ship war potential idk). possibly makes more sense when viewed as a series? (will have to update my opinion later) but overall having every main pov character paired off somewhat sappily by the end of book one was ehhh? I'm not opposed to romantic subplots but I felt they may have held too much influence in the main plot here.

-hrrmmm love me some GrimDark (not) (ok not when it's not done very impactfully imo) (mmmm let's not explore the ethics of casually taking lives for more than 0.5 seconds) (yes it's a fantasy book but still) (particularly Jesper's pov was ... odd) (he seemed to have issues with his actions but also didn't?) (maybe it will make more sense upon reread)

-Standard Heist Plot (no notes) (yes to explosives)

-ok back to the crit. one of the reviews in the front of my copy compared SoC to ASOIAF (haven't read it but I know enough to verify) and like yes actually it really did feel somewhat like aggressively PG-13 Game of Thrones. (I dunno this is more of a personal gripe with authors feeling the need to inject the sexual exploitation of women into their fantasy novels in order to be more Realistic) (especially when it's minors) (bleh)

-idk a lot of the side worldbuilding choices felt like something an edgy 14 year old would choose because they were Dark ™️

-however props for character design, the appearance/physicality of each of the Crows was wonderfully distinct

-not in loooove with the ending. It sets up book two nicely yes but kinda gave me KOTLC cliffhanger flashbacks

-sort of feels like this book is a sanitized adult fantasy novel with de-aged protagonists (could be being unfair here) and a YA plot

-no actually the number of times Nina's breasts are mentioned is absurdly high, the heck was up with that

-so Matthias being a ex-witch hunter = bad (duh) cause he was going to send Grisha to their deaths. Ok makes sense. Now tell me why Kaz/Inej/Jesper killing somewhat indiscriminately is not really addressed in moral terms beyond "necessary"? (Actually ignore this one for now I would need to do a reread before I have full thoughts on this) (But there will be thoughts)

-overall, I had a good time reading this book. Yeah I had problems with it but some of that could honestly stem from the fact that I am not 15 anymore and have different taste in books. (ok ok also I am actively comparing this with Lockwood and Co and I feel that series took equally dark topics but explored them much more maturely) (and honestly also Mistborn. That series also had dark worldbuilding but didn't linger on what it didn't have to?)

[hughungrybear]

Me watching Laws of Attraction Ep. 5:

1. After two days of not being able to watch, I can finally sit back and continue this series 😭😭😭😭 Starting with Charn accusing the friendly neighbours as traitors (specifically, the brave lady from previous episode, Nam). I don't buy this. I still maintain that Charn's assistant (Wit) is highly sus.

2. Oh, wait. So, Nam DID sold Tin out??? I still have a hard time believing it. I think she's telling the truth about trying to set the reporter straight (which, unfortunately backfired). But I don't think she's the one who reveal all of Charn's cards to Thattep.

3. Charn, you and Tin just reconciled. Don't mess things up.

4. OMG. Tonkhao's bestie is also using the doll in public 😭😭😭 I hope Thattep does not find her (and the doll) first.

5. Grandma still captaining the ship, apparently 😅 Sidenote, I don't think I like this transition. We just saw Tin and Charn arguing about each other beliefs and morals, next thing we see Charn is in Tin's bedroom with an almost naked and newly bathe Tin. From a plot's perspective, it doesn't make much sense that they (especially Tin) are more than okay with each other's company (and flirting) again. 😑 Don't get me wrong, the scenes are cute. It's just that I think the timing (or editing) is wrong.

7. Charn is, opportunistic, to put it nicely. He just needs to channel that talent into good use. However, his cynicism is hindering him from looking at things from a (morally) positive angle.

8. I have said this from the very first episode: GIVE US CHARN'S FULL BACKSTORY, GAWD DAMMIT. I am this close 🤏 to googling spoilers 😭😭😭

9. Ms Club Owner and the gorgeous Silvy (in hot pink) side-eyeing Charn throughout the whole phone conversation is 😂😂😂 Also, Charn called Ms Club Owner, "auntie". Is he really her nephew? Because y'know, us Asians can call any female "auntie" (even complete strangers) without batting an eyelash 😂😂😂

10. Noooo, Charn. Don't leave Tonkhao's things in the open like that with Wit. 😭😭😭

11. Wit asking questions about the doll just heightens my suspicions towards him. So, yeah Charn, take your own advice and don't trust anyone, especially Wit.

12. I feel bad for Chai. I mean, wasn't it enough that they made him a fallguy? He needed to be killed too? The fvck. Also, the calculated way that Charn sacrificed this man's life to draw out the mole is every bit disgusting.

13. Thattep's reasoning. I cannot. 🤯🤯🤯🤯 What a sh*tty father. So, the reason why his own son is his first choice to be the fallguy is because it is a given that he will get away with it (just a probation, guys. No biggie /s)? He would rather have his son wrongfully labeled as criminal to what end???

14. Tanthai getting gaslit and made to believe that he caused two innocent people killed should be the bodyguard's cue to switch sides and tell the truth to protect his young master.

15. I KNEW IT. Then again, the series made it obvious that Wit cannot be trusted. Okay, I did not anticipate the gun(s), the action scenes, or that office fire/explosion that followed. Still, 😂😂😂😂

16. Not sure why the office exploded, honestly. I get it is for dramatic effect (and ensures that Wit is truly dead). But then again, from a realistic point of view, that sh*t shouldn't have happened unless Charn was keeping something that is highly explosive in HIS LAW OFFICE.

17. Grandma has a glow-up courtesy of Silvy (Maya) in a gorgeous 1920s-inspired fit. At this point, I seriously should start a Silvy fan club lol.

17. After the night's excitement, forgive me if I'm eyerolling Tin's highly questionable timing to flirt with Charn. 🙄🙄🙄

18. Mr. Bodyguard, sir, get an effing clue. At this point, I will not be surprised if Tanthai tries to un-alive himself.

19. Grandma being supportive of TinCharn's happiness is 🥺🥺🥺

20. Charn sleeps exactly like my two-year old nephew, right to the part of kicking anybody who shares the bed 😂😂😂😂 His parents learnt to sleep the very edge of the bed - sideways lol

21. Hold up. I think Wit is already effed up in the head, even without Charn's influence. He just got emboldened by Charn's very lax and questionable take on justice.

22. Wait, did Tonkhao's bestie moved to the town where Charn's traumatic past happened??? <after five seconds> Yep, there it is. Also, did the government has something to do with Charn's mum's death???

23. Charn's disgusting morals rears its ugly head again. Seriously, I wanted Ms Club Owner to slap him hard so he can get back to his senses.

It's official. I am having a love-hate fascination with Charn. He is so desperate to play an anti-hero that is almost pathetic, not to mention downright depressing. Will I get to finally see Charn's backstory in the next episode? I really hope so.