#If there isn't.... I am a fanfiction writer and could do something about that if you wanted

[silverolivia-upsidedown]

yessss

[wisteriagoesvroom]

📚 10 f1 fics i've loved lately 🏎️

been thinking a lot about how to organise fic recs into some sort of sensible post, 'cus there are so many (great!) pairings and (delicious!) driver combinations, not to mention so many varying styles of fic and SUPER TALENTED WRITERS!!111!!

just gonna list a bunch in no particular order, with accompanying pics, so you can get a sense of the vibes.

'cus what is f1 rpf but all about the ✨ vibes?! 🏁

p.s. people are in this community making amazing stuff for freeee!! if you liked these please leave a kudos or a comment, it makes a writer's day 🫡 

let's gooooo--

objects in the mirror by linearity (@drivestraight) charles/max. 87k words (series), rated t then e

listen. LISTEN! charles to rbr is one of the best premises ever and i will read it in like a thousand iterations. but this fic. this fic series in particular cleared my skin, made me want to cut my hair into a bob out of sheer emotion. i would be remiss not to start with this one because its impact on my f1 rpf trajectory should be studied by science. you know when a story just jumps off the page and it's so real that it becomes your canon. a kind of meteoric inevitability. plus, i almost never cry at fics. but by the time the third act of this one hit, i just went -- damn, am i rly about to tear up at a f1 rpf fanfiction rn? (yes.)

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sawtooth by nottonyharrison (@nottonyharrison) charles/max. 40k words, rated e

max as a f1 engineer? for CARLOS at FERRARI? sign me the fuckkk up. first off, awesome premise. there's always going to be something so heartwrenching about "what ifs", especially in any universe where max isn't a racer. despite the change of circumstances, just... the sheer poetry of two characters who just inexplicably find their way to each other in any universe... 🤧 also this story nails racing scenes in a way that's so visceral, i feel like a fly on the damn halo with them. and, aside from the gourmet lestappen, carlos's whole thing in this fic is joyous! spicy! he's so unapologetic and vaguely annoying! hilarious! + the swimming pool scene lives rent-free in my head.

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salt skin by peachbellini (@strawberry-daiquiris) oscar/lando. 12k words, rated e

this fic is magic. literally and figuratively. (MERMAID LANDO???? MERMAID LANDO.) the kind of story that makes you gasp and melt a little bit. and made me want to throw my phone at the writer, 'cause it's really that good. the yearning, the metaphor for all that's monstrous, a boy who is lost (and the boy who he finds, is equally so). this is just beautifully written and a little quirky and so well executed. i think i put it in my bookmarks as "what if lando was a mermaid and it was filmed by a24" or something. pearl of a story.

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hockey!! shrimp colors :) by leafmeal0ne (@ocontraire) oscar/lando. 13k words, rated t

leaf meal one. i have only known you a week but if anything were to happen to you i would wreck everyone in the room including myself. in all seriousness, anything that leaf writes is brilliant. they're one of these writers who could do a throwaway line on the label of a ketchup bottle and i will probably scream about it. the precision, the way they switch up sentence structures, the freaking darcy-level regency yearning transposed onto a contemporary sports setting. i'd rec all of leaf's sports AUs and i'll probably talk about more in a future fic rec post. BUT. the hockeyyy one my GOD. the barely restrained violence, their mutual desire, the theme of finding your place... *wails uncontrollably*

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you almost unearthly thing by anonymous max/daniel, 3.7k words, rated g

max is a governess(govern..lad?) and daniel is the mystery man at the manor. this was a response to a request i made in the kinkmeme! (if you haven't read those fics go check 'em out, there are so many great ones, and not necessarily all rated e). this is a criminally underrated little story that has my favourite repressed feelings + people dancing around each other + gothic vibes + "what the hell is wrong with y'all in this tale" combo that i really adore. it's really well written and captures the atmosphere so well.

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the so-called narrative by antimonyandthyme (@antimonyandthyme) oscar/carlos, 10k words, rated e

i'm once again asking why there are only 7 carlos/oscar works in the tag. I'M ONCE AGAIN ASKING-- *is sedated*. *jolts awake* okay but for real this is a great story. hot, fake-friendship-to-situationship which so happens is one of my favourite places to be. also hello miscommunication/they're so weird about it/they both want each other but can't express themselves for shit/insane racer boys energy.

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and silver, and samarium by pink_mink (@on-softs) george/toto, 5.2k words, rated e

i profess i am not usually the biggest fan of A/B/O (altho!! this fandom has made me go BUT ACTUALLY HM at least a few times). and this fic freaking nails it, along with the twisted power dynamics between TPs and drivers, as seen through the lens of omegaverse. this story rattles around my head like a stubborn ghoul just from the style and prose and sheer audacity alone. george kneeling at toto's knees while he's working..... ohhhhhhhhh i was this close to calling my lawyers.

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algorithm by anney (@badboy-george) charles/max, 16k words, rated e

i LOVE, LOOOOVE a sci fi concept alright. love that shit, will inhale it like moon dust with zero regrets. and what a fantastic one this one is!! the premise is that the FIA can now statistically show the compatibility of drivers on the grid and it's very pacific rim-y drift compatible, mixed with the surreal vibes of eternal sunshine or HER or some such. it should be outrageous, but it really works. that's the beauty of a great fic right there.

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trajectory of trojan asteroids by redpaint (@redpaint) nico/lewis, 3.3k words, rated g

also one of the fics i first read when i hopped on board the f1 rpf train. the pain and poignancy just gets worse the more i learn about brocedes. you know when you're like "there's no way this was reallll" and then you're like "fuck, it was so real". then you get a fic like this that just encapsulates all that rage and loss and grief and upset, set against the starry vista of endless space. *clutches tablecloth* god.

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p.s please bear in mind that these recs are entirely subjective! i enjoy loads of f1 stories but these are the ones that have especially stuck with me for some inexplicable reason.

p.p.s if your fic is on here and you want it taken off for whatever reason, i'm happy to, no questions asked 💛

BYE for now / until part 2. (i also love talking to ppl about fics so pls feel free to send an ask or hit me up in DMs or whatever.)

xoxo, -- wizz

[aerodaltonimperial]

okay, i am GENUINELY not trying to be patronizing or condescending right now, but the amount of pearl-clutching and freaking out that's happened in the past six months or so about the wrestlers you write about finding your fic has been quite high, and VERY GENUINELY, if you are one of the people panicking: how did you not factor this in as a possibility in the first place? i'm being serious. how did you, when you sat down to write about real people, not think that those very real people with internet connections and a metric fuckton of boring travel time were not going to find fanfics about themselves if they wanted to?

we are in an age where fanfiction is mainstream. back in 2000, when i was in high school, you didn't talk about that shit, but now? people are reccing fanfics on tiktok videos. publishing has figured out that writers here put out good stuff and are repackaging it for profit. ao3 is a hugo award winning fanfiction archive. y'all. it's out there. it's all out there. this is a fan space. it's still our space. you can't stop them from ending up here, but that's on them, not us. if you're freaking out, then maybe this isn't something you want to be doing. i'm being very serious. if this is causing you panic, you probably should not be part of this in the year 2024. but, like, i would bet a fairly substantial amount of money that at least 50% of them are well aware of what their number one pairing on ao3 is.

they're already here. they already know. they have always known lol. i'm, like, 75% sure i've had lines lifted from fics before, and honestly, that's not a panic moment, that's a fuck yeah i really nailed that moment. you're not doing anything wrong. this is a fan space. as long as you aren't putting it in front of them and they came here on their own? besties, you're good. you're great. it's fine. i'm being serious, please stop panicking. you gotta roll with it if you're gonna be here. you gotta assume that, at any point, someone involved could find what you're writing. genuinely, if you are not comfortable with that, then you're gonna have to just keep your fics to some google docs you share with a few friends. i know that not everyone has had a red alert level 5 the call is coming from inside the house moment, but it's one of those things. it comes with the territory.

we gotta stop freaking out every month lol. take the acknowledgements and laugh about them. it's fun when they give shout-outs! they know what's cookin'. it's cute that they keep an eye on fandom and what's hitting with us. don't put it in their faces, don't tag them on social media with it, just keep doin' what you're doin' here in the fan space and having a nice time. i promise you'll be okay.

[flightfoot]

Isn't the target audience for the show little kids? Why is the heroic mc gaslighting? Why was THAT chosen to be her decision? Idk I feel like the fandom excusing this is focusing solely on the fanfiction side of things lol. I can't really see a conversation about boundaries like you've mentioned happening, for example. Marinette will cry about it for one scene, hugged by the guy she gaslighted, then the show will move on. All the implications of her actions, how toxic the love square is- those are not things that can be adressed respectfully in an episodic kids show. Especially not by these writers. We've seen the twitter takes. So just- idk, I wouldn't want a ten-year-old to watch this ngl. Especially because the kid watching might be an abuse victim themselves.

We have had some conversations about boundaries before, in Glaciator 2, when Ladybug was upset at Chat for keeping on hinting at wanting to be a couple, which means that such a conversation IS in the show's wheelhouse of what it can do.

Cat Noir: I guess I'm not your favorite cat at the moment, am I? (walks towards Ladybug) Can I take you to a movie to make up for it? Or how about a restaurant to celebrate our nomination as Couple of the Year? Ladybug: (yelling) We're not "Couple of the Year", we're not a couple at all! Cat Noir: Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean to make you so mad. (Ladybug simply looks away from him, still mad.) I get it. You're sick of me. I might sound like a broken record expressing my affection for you over and over. I know I should stop but... I can't help it, you know? I have so many feelings welled up in this heart, and I don't know how to control them. Ladybug: (sighs) I know your heart's in the right place and that you don't mean any harm but— Cat Noir: (dejectedly) You're right. You shouldn't have to put up with this. I'll stop. I don't know how yet, but I'll figure it out. I promise. Ladybug: (smiles) I'm counting on you. Cat Noir: (frowns) I'll see you later. (vaults away, and Ladybug eventually to the other direction)

(Later)

Cat Noir: Nice to see you again, my... dear friend whom I respect and for whom I have no other feelings than true platonic friendship. Ladybug: Are you making fun of me? Cat Noir: Not at all! I'm... just getting my bearings. Ladybug: Lucky Charm! (uses her power as a��car drops in front of them) Cat Noir: Oh, yeah! That lucky charm really revs my engine! (Ladybug closes her eyes, coming up with a plan to use her lucky charm. The scene zooms to the big exhaust in front of Gare du Nord.) Ladybug: Okay! Take the wheel. I got a plan. Glaciator: There you are! You think you can escape me like that? (Ladybug and Cat Noir step in the car. Cat Noir starts the car engine and drives away, escaping Glaciator as the villain comtinues to chase them.) Glaciator: (sing-song) I'm Glaciator, the mean ice-cream man, and I am your number 1 fan! Cat Noir: (while driving) That's enough! We're just friends! Ladybug: Okay. Let's go! (hurls her yo-yo, tying it around Glaciator and on her car seat) Pass me the wheel. Glaciator: You think you can escape me by attaching me to you? Cat Noir: Where are we going with this—? I mean, not the two of us. Just... where are we going, like, a direction? Ladybug: I got it. We're heading to the Gare du Nord. We'll stay in touch. (She continues to drive, escaping Glaciator.) Cat Noir, now! (Cat Noir jumps out of the car.) Ladybug: (through the ear-piece) You know what to do. I'll come back as soon as you're ready! Cat Noir: Drive safe. (He leaps to rooftop where a billboard of him and Ladybug is located. He drops it to the ground to use it as a ramp for Ladybug's car.) Ready, m'lady! Uh, do you mind me calling you "m'lady"? Ladybug: No, that's okay. (performs a drift) It's not that complicated, you know? If I tell you that something's annoying, you stop doing it, that's all!

I don't know that the show could go over all the implications of some of the things Marinette's done with Adrien, in all the identity versions, but it having Adrien lay down some boundaries and Marinette doing her best to abide by them so she doesn't accidentally hurt him is within the realm of what it can do, since it's done it before. Granted, there's more variance and a bigger scale with some of the lies Marinette's told Adrien and the secrets she's kept from him, but it's a similar idea at least.

[flyingcatstiel]

SuperbatWeek 2024 fic recs

Day 7: FREE DAY!!! Superbat? | Superbat! | Superbat

a song came after by susiecarter [T, 4,500 word count]

It requires every ounce of will he can bring to bear to force himself to meet Clark's eyes. Clark looks shocked; the expression is undiluted by anger or dismay, though perhaps he simply hasn't had time to grasp what just happened. His eyes are wide, round, impossibly blue. Color is rising into his cheeks. His mouth is half-open, slack, with the slightest damp shine where— "That was," Bruce makes himself say, and then stops. Christ, what word can he use? What adjective is there that acknowledges his trespass fully? "Inappropriate." Inadequate, but it's the best he can do, and Clark needs to hear something, needs to know Bruce recognizes his own mistake for what it is. "I apologize. I—"

Comment - This fic starts where usually fics with a similar trope end. Bruce is out of the dream world where he lived happily with his husband Clark. For thirty years. Now he's to deal with the cold reality where Clark is not his beloved. Muscle memory is his biggest enemy.

Conflated by PamiGami [T, 31,900 word count]

“Are you sure you’re feeling quite all right, sir? I was but fairly sure the head hadn't been impacted.” “No… no, please. Listen. I’m in his body, but I’m not him. I can prove it.” Ill at ease, Clark rubbed at the back of his head, not stopping to think about the weird sensation of feeling not his own curls, but somebody else’s hair. The man continued to stare at him with piercing and scolding eyes. “I believe you.” He nodded. “Mister Wayne doesn’t say please this early in the morning.”

Comment - Somehow, Batman and Superman have switched their bodies, their apartments and their day jobs. Clark and Bruce are left to figure out what to do and why they're sharing a body with some random civilian. Identity shenanigans, full throttle.

Just a Formality by FabulaRasa [E, 4,600 word count]

Bruce and Clark get married, for reasons. And then they fall in love. Nope, it's not Victorian time travel! I am straight up about this.

Comment - Clark didn't know that some things on this earth could be as painful as kryptonite. Things like fake marriage.

Saudade by liodain [T, 20,400 word count]

It's midsummer, 2006. In the wake of his son's death, Bruce Wayne tries to outrun his grief on a cross-country road trip. When his car breaks down on a dusty road in the heart of Kansas, a friendly stranger stops to lend a hand.

Comment - A soft, melancholy start to a beautiful long distance friendship between a grieving father and a Kansas youth with a heart of gold. Also known as a fic where Bruce and Clark meet before the events of Man of Steel and it changes everything.

ship-to-ship combat by pomeloquat [M, 76,800 word count]

"Clark. What the hell is this," Lois asks, staring at Clark's Bruceman WIP folder. Clark's first instinct is to fly away, but that would still leave his fic on display for her to see. His second instinct is to blast a hole straight through his laptop screen with his heat vision, which isn't much better. Clark, in an attempt to make some spare cash, unintentionally stumbles into the world of superhero fanfiction, becomes a prolific writer for Gotham's OTP, and tries his best to fend off rival fans who want him to convert to superbat instead.

Comment - Triple identity shenanigans and a love letter to fandom and shippers. This fic has everything - heartbreak, heartache, unrequited feelings in double doses, self sacrifices and near misses, ship wars and RPF. And on top of that, it's the funniest fic I've read across many fandoms, hands down.

tell all the truth (but tell it slant) by susiecarter [M, 33,000 word count]

It takes a while for Batman and Superman to work things out, once Clark comes back from the dead. Pretending to date each other in order to explain why Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent are in the same place so often? Doesn't help as much as you might think.

Comment - When Batman himself is organizing and micromanaging a fake dating narrative to keep their superhero identities secret, what could go wrong? Apparently, everything. It's the worst time of Clark's life, it's the best time. It's a love story.

And last but not least, some spicy superbat fic recs!

Caught In His Gaze by DontStopHerNow [E, 1,500 word count]

This was supposed to be a stakeout to be sure Clark Kent had not lost his mind due to Kryptonite poisoning. Batman gets more of an eyeful than he expected when Clark does what people do alone in their apartments, though. He cannot look away.

What's In A Name? by frozenpotions [E, 15,000 word count]

Clark accidentally walks— or rather, flies in on Bruce enjoying a private moment. He'd probably have an easier time moving past it all if Bruce hadn't been saying Clark's name.

take a pic, strike a pose by shipyrds [E, 5,600 word count]

It’s probably a good thing Clark’s in private, because when he does check his notifications he almost cracks his phone in half. Bruce has sent him a picture. He’s in the suit, in the Batcave, and there’s probably other things happening in the picture, but Clark can’t really see any of those, because Bruce is– posing? Or maybe the camera just caught him like that; maybe he just happened to be catching his cape one-handed, setting off the sinuous curve of his bicep, the Bat logo straining across his chest. -- Bruce sends Clark a pic. Unfortunately, it goes out to some other people too.

My other superbat fic recs are here.

Happy reading!

[azurillzz]

Tw: Discussions of incest and non-con in fictional settings

Yeah breaking my silence here and admitting that I am pro-fiction.

Listen, I know writing about incest/rape is a genuinely concerning and serious topic but I am sure the writers are aware of that and dont condone it irl at all.

These fanfics are just an outlet for these thoughts and don't glorify it. It sexualizes these concepts yes, but it isn't depicted as something good, and is usually just written only for sexual gratification or to explore a dark topic.

These fics aren't made to encourage abusers, they are written in the view of the victims. They are not catered to people who could do these things, and usually don't even justify these actions because the authors know that they cannot be justified, they just want to write a scenario they can indulge in.

Its completely valid that many people are uncomfortable with these things and that is the normal reaction, but when it gets to the point of harassing real people for writing about fictional scenarios, you have to think about what you're really fighting for here.

Hell, most works actually even have sizeable disclaimers and very visible tags so you can avoid the work at your own discretion. *You* are the one that decided to read despite all the warnings. Seeing all the tags and still choosing to read is just illogical. It's like if you knowingly read angst when you were looking for fluff then getting mad and commenting about why the author would write that. The content isn't for you, thats fine, but you cant just go and harass people over it.

As long as a work is properly tagged and bears the proper warnings, it should have a right to exist in fandom spaces just as much as everything else, especially in fanfiction since you're easily able to filter out and block tags or people you do not want to interact with here on tumblr and on ao3.

I have more thoughts and feelings about this but my brain is a very fickle thing, but these are just my two cents on the subject.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

Thank you so much for sending me this!

I am proud of so many of my fics and I'm not even fully sure how to go about this, so... I guess I will just make one rec from each of the fandoms I have written for?

(Warning for some blood in gifs below - but generally there is blood and violence in this fics anyway, so...)

From DC Titans:

No Place Like Home on AO3 - Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Disabled!Reader x Jason Todd. Friends to Lovers. (Poly Soulmates). Smut, Angst, Hurt and Comfort with a Happy Ending. 90k across 7 chapters. When Jason leaves the Titans broken and battered, he gets set on a dangerous path. It's up to you and Gar, the two people who care about him the most, to bring him home.

Oh, another day on the assembly line, everybody better march in time,

Cause the factory don't care why, you been sayin' coulda, shoulda, woulda.

(There's no place like home. There's no place like home.)

If I could recommend one singular fic and say 'this fic encapsulates my style and summarises everything I am proud of when it comes to writing fanfiction' - this would be it.

I have so much to say about this fic and a lot of it I probably have already said it - but basically, this fic is the reason I started writing. I started writing long before I actually wrote this fic, but everything I have ever sought in terms of creative satisfaction came from this fic. This feels like my orgasmic climax in terms of creating things.

And if this fic is something I could be buried with, I would be proud. If this fic is something that people remember me for, I would be so fucking proud. (Which is not likely, because it's from a very small fandom and I know people are gonna remember me for fics from bigger fandoms that are way more popular, and I wish I could shove this fic in the faces of people who read my other popular fics and make them read it lmao.)

If for some reason I had to quit writing right now - I would be most proud of this singular piece. Especially because so much of this fic, the characters, and the dynamics has been inspired by my real life relationship with my lovers, and the reader character was inspired by my struggle with disability and coping with the loss of control as I became more disabled over time - but having my lovers there for me made that loss of control easier to swallow. It's about how trauma can ruin you and letting someone love you when you are broken is one of the hardest things you can do, but one of the most radical and most rewarding. If you ever liked my writing and my style, even if you don't like Titans - please go and read this.

From The Walking Dead:

(I know this gif is sad but it fits the fic so well.)

Hold Me Tight Or Don't on AO3 - Glenn Rhee x Fem!Reader x Maggie Greene. Established Poly Relationship. Smut and Heavy Angst (No Happy Ending). Set during Season 3, Episode 4. 7k (Oneshot). You are bitten by a Walker while trying to help get Glenn and Maggie to safety, and you are facing your last hours of life. And in those last hours, you only have one wish - to have sex with your partners one last time. Luckily for you, they would do anything for you, and they can’t help but to oblige.

Oh no this isn't how our story ends,

So hold me tight, hold me tight. (Or don't.)

This fic has had some more attention lately, since I have been wanting to write for The Walking Dead again, and I just really want to re-state - I fucking love this fic. This idea came to me so randomly and struck me like lighting and I am so happy that this fic came to fruition. This fic represents so many things that I am excited about writing - poly relationships, relating the themes of sex and death, sad endings (I weirdly prefer writing sad or melancholic endings instead of traditional happy ones).

I am really proud of this fic. If you can handle angst, you should go read it.

From Criminal Minds:

From Your Lips on Tumblr - Jennifer Jareau x GN!Reader. Established Relationship. Smut, Hurt and Comfort. Set during Season 2, Episode 15. 3k (Oneshot). After JJ is attacked by dogs on the Hankel farm, you take the time to check on her and distract her flustered mind with a loving touch.

So, most of my Criminal Minds fics have done really well and don't need to be recommended just because it's a really popular fandom, but JJ fics don't really do well? Idk why she's not a popular character?

But I love this fic. I had so much fun working on this fic, and working in the religious references and imagery from the show - this fic was just so much fun for me. And I think it needs more love.

From The Last of Us:

IFHY (I Fucking Hate You) on AO3 - Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader. Enemies with Benefits. Smut and Angst. Set during the main events of Part II. 8k (Oneshot). You and Abby truly hate each other. So when you find Abby handcuffed inside an elevator, instead of being kind and just letting her out, you make her pay a certain price for the key.

I fucking hate you - but I love you.

I'm bad at keeping my emotions bubbled.

You're good at being perfect, we're good at being troubled.

There are so many fics from TLOU that I loved writing and that I'm really proud of, but this one really caught my eye on the list. I love writing about conflict, and I really love writing reader characters who are so bitchy and just cause conflict. (Maybe it's because I'm so nice irl and I never cause conflict, I get out all my internal chaos in writing characters who shit disturb and cause chaos all the time.)

I loved writing this because it's so non-traditional. It's not sappy, it's not romantic - again, it has a really melancholic ending. The characters are so toxic for each other (which is also something I love writing - because it's horrible for relationships irl, but for fiction it's so interesting to explore and observe).

I think this is one of my best, most interesting fics and I really loved doing it.

From Harry Potter:

King For A Day on Tumblr - Poly!Golden Trio x Fem!Reader. (Fem!Reader x Ron Weasley, Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger). FWB to Poly Lovers. Smut (with slight Angst). Set during Deathly Hallows. 22k (Oneshot). While Horcrux Hunting with your closest friends, the dangerous influence of Slytherin’s Locket causes Ron to snap. And it turns out - he brings on something that everyone in the tent really needed.

You told me think about it - well I did.

Now I don't wanna feel a thing anymore.

I'm tired of beggin' for the things that I want.

I'm over sleepin' like a dog on the floor.

Imagine living like a King someday - a single night without a ghost in the walls.

I have spoken about this fic at length, and how this was a spirtual awaken for me - if No Place Like Home was a culmination of everything I am as an artist, then this fic is an echo of those things. Again, I fucking love writing about poly relationships - and I think this fic has one thing that was missing from No Place Like Home. And that is exploring each individual thread of a poly relationship and how someone interacts with each person in the relationship outside of the poly group functioning as a whole. That is definitely a strong suit of this fic.

Also it's amazing filthy nasty smut, which is something I love writing, and something I am really talented at.

From Stranger Things:

I'm Still Standing on AO3 - Nancy Wheeler x Fem Disabled/Chronically Ill Reader. Best Friends to Lovers. Angst, Smut, (slight Fluff). Hurt and Comfort. Happy Ending. Set during Season 4. 37k across 3 chapters. You start having horrible waking nightmares, but you don’t want to worry your best friend Nancy by telling her. She’s already occupied trying to chase down a trans-dimensional killer wizard, and you are convinced that the two problems aren’t possibly related.

There's a cold and lonely light that shines from you,

And you wind up like the wreck you hide, behind that mask you use.

This fic is so interesting.

I wrote this fic shortly after Season 4 came out - and even though I had a few fics for Stranger Things that were pretty popular, everyone just collectively ignored this one? And I know for a fact that it is because Nancy is the love interest. I know that if I had picked Steve or Eddie as the love interest for this fic, then this fic would be just as popular as my other ST fics - but because the subject matter is so deeply personal, I connected with the scenes of Nancy kicking ass at the hospital and worked from there.

(And tbh, if I had to choose a male love interest for this concept, I probably would have chosen Billy, because I relate to him on so many deep personal levels.)

Literally everything in this fic is very personal to me - this is all about my own raw traumas. From the abusive father to the extreme medical trauma to the strained caretaker mother, to the older sister who distances herself from it all - even though this is set in the universe of Stranger Things - this is the story of my life. And idk if I would have wanted it to be a more popular fic, because it is so personal? But I am upset that I worked so hard on it and so many parts of it are so raw, and nobody really saw it. I am upset that I had the bravery to post something so personal and it was just - crickets.

There are so many parts of this fic that I am so insanely proud of. The horror sequences are something that I worked so hard on - not just with the emotion of translating my own trauma, but I wanted to make something honestly scary and I wanted to pay tribute to the tension and emotion and visuals of all my favourite horror media - including Stranger Things and the beautifully tense horror aspects of Season 4. And this is another fic that I feel truly, absolutely represents me as a person to my core. And I feel like it's worth reading if you wanna know more about me and who I am.

(And lastly)

From misc. horror fandoms:

No Brainer on AO3 - Derek Cho (Steven Yeun) x Fem!Reader x Melanie Cross (Samara Weaving). Co-Workers to Lovers. Smut. Based on the film Mayhem from 2017. 7k (Oneshot). When you are the last person alive with an elevator key that Derek and Melanie desperately need, you agree to make a trade. Turns out, when what you're asking for is a threesome - you don't drive too hard of a bargain.

This is one of my favourite fics of all time. This is proof that I do not write for popularity - this fic is written for a fandom on AO3 with a total of five fics FIVE (including mine) and 2 of them are about characters from other media experiencing the plot of this movie as an AU, and mine is the only fic that is x reader. So I didn't just fill a niche - I looked where there was no niche and I dug a hole.

But like - Steven Yeun. Yes, I fell in love with Glenn from TWD, but this is a movie where he is also covered in blood, and rather than being Glenn's meek, reserved self (which I love) - he is outraged and swearing and killing and it makes me foam at the mouth. And I am already in love with Samara Weaving from The Babysitter - so this is literally a killer combination.

My bisexual ass did not even finish the film before I was typing out this fic on my phone.

And I am so happy that I wrote it - because sometimes you just need a self indulgent, blood covered smut.

And you guys can read it too if you want <3

[bookqueenrules]

Coda, Coda, Coda-DD Episode 4

In this post, I asked TDers to be on the look out for the Easter Egg that's not really an Easter Egg which Gimple mentioned on the NYCC panel. It was unclear if he was saying it was in episode 4 or not, but if he did mean episode 4, he was clearly referring to the Coda symbols in this is episode. For a reference as what a Coda is and how it is connected to Beth and her return, here is a wonderful post by @twdmusicboxmystery

I found two coda symbols in the episode. Please let me know if anyone found others. Interestingly, there are other TD related symbols above each of the codas.

In the garage with Theo and the other older gentleman, I don't remember his name, the coda symbol is clearly reflected on the top of the car.

The fact that this coda symbol is literally a reflection on a CAR is like a neon sign for TDers. If Beth did survive by being left in a car, either in the backseat or the trunk, putting the coda symbol on the car would be a clear sign that Beth was "resurrected" from the car as TD believes. Above it is a car sign for a brand of car, these cars no longer sold in North American, with a Chevron pattern like the one in the gray sweater Beth wore during Coda.

Next, there is the coda painted on pillars at the Nest. Soon after Isabelle's Coda-like death, this appears clearly in the shot behind Losang. Above the coda is a compass rose. I won't go over the compass rose symbolism as many other TDers have written about it for years.

So what do these codas mean? If this is the "mythology" Gimple is referring to, why is he calling it out? We know he uses symbols of all kinds in every episode. So, why call out this symbol now? The obvious answer is that the episode is the second Coda and now we will be going back to the first coda and Beth will return. Another NYCC tidbit is that right before the question that elicited Gimple's "Easter Egg" response was a question about crossovers and cameos. Gimple and Zabel looked at each other, laughed, and Zabel said that they are working on something right now.

By the end of season one and now throughout season two of DD, they have clearly repeated parts seasons 4 and 5. Based on this, below is my conjecture as to when Beth will return.

There may be post credits scene that airs after the cable broadcast of 2x6 where we see that Beth is alive like we saw Morgan after 5x8 Coda.

2. It could mean that we are in middle of a replay, but the replay isn't complete. I did a post explaining how we have seen a replay of 5x01, 5x02, and 5x03 here. However, knowing how the rest of the season goes, I don't think we have seen the replay of these episodes yet.

Honestly, as disappointing as it may be, I think season 3 will be about replaying some of these episode before we get Beth.

I'll post more about it later, but we already have a S3 spoiler that during a celebration a military like vehicle pulls up. Then, a man was heard yelling, "They kidnapped my daughter." I believe they were filming episode 2. So, @galadrieljones I believe you were correct about the kidnapping. It's not Laurent but a new character in Spain. Assuming D and C go after the girl, and I am sure they will, that episode may be the replay of Consumed and/or Crossed.

Another confirmation from S3 spoilers is the train connection. Trains are mentioned strangely in a couple of places in episode 4 as @twdmusicboxmystery pointed out in her video. She predicted that we would see a train soon. Guess what? A BTS picture was posted of a yellow(the color of reunion) train being filmed in Spain.

I'll post all the BTS pics I have as soon as S2 is over. I mention all the things TD has been and continues to be right about to show that we should not be too upset if she doesn't show at the end of season 2. She will show soon. Judging by the replays, she will show by the end of season 3 at the latest. Hang in there! In the mean time, Bethyl has the BEST fanfiction writers to keep us entertained!

TD is right. All the signs and symbols point to Beth's return. She will return. Unfortunately, TPTB are not in as a much of hurry to get there as we are.

[creatingblackcharacters]

hello!! (and welcome back!!!!)

i have a question about how to properly write a scene in a fanfiction i have

so, it's a zombie apocalypse thing, and theres some level of fantasy racism against a white character. he gets turned into a zombie and then turns back, and everyone is pretty wary of him sometimes, but for the most part they just kill zombies and dont actually have an issue with HIM, but he considers it wrong to kill ANY zombies (which i fully disagree with as a zombie media enthusiast, they literally kill people)

so, i'm going to have one of those scenes where the white character goes to the Black character with 'oh, you could NEVER understand how this feels!', EXCEPT, the plan is that the Black character (Juliet, and the white guy is her boyfriend Romeo) gets kind of angry after hearing him say this to her all the time and pretty much goes 'Romeo, i'm a Black woman'

i was wondering how to properly write this scene, and to show that Romeo is completely in the wrong for acting like Juliet wouldn't understand the racism she's been going through her whole life (because i am SURE that some people would think 'wow thats so fucked up of Juliet to be mad at him when hes just talking about his experience')

in reality i don't think Romeo would do this but disappointingly he somehow ended up like that in the series because i write it with someone else. but i feel that this scene would be important to include even though i would honestly like to completely change so much of what we've done with Romeo's character

thank you!

Of course you would name your characters Romeo and Juliet lmao. Okay so admittedly this will be biased because I am stunned at the audacity of your co-writer for putting you in this situation. But there are two things I personally would do, maybe both, maybe one or the other:

1) remember how I've said before that the mark of a genuine ally is how they respond to being approached with their racism? If you think this is an unironic reflection if your co-writer's beliefs, you need to stop and tell them that you are uncomfortable. Period. I'm not going to sit here and roleplay microaggressions. No. And if they don't want to change, then I would simply no longer write this story. Just because they want to write racism and call it romantic doesn't mean that you have to participate.

2) if you want to commit to the bit, you can always show what would actually happen in this situation with a Black character with self respect, which is Juliet dumping him. 😊👍🏾 I can't imagine being in the zombie apocalypse and letting somebody be racist during. I don't have time for that. and I'm already making time for a romance? With a zombie? That treats me microaggressively? Nah. I could be doing anything else at the moment. Survival is key, I risked it, and you think that's how you'll do me? Unacceptable. Let them write out of that one 🤣 no happily ever after without a genuine apology and reflection 🤣

Jokes aside (well, theyre not really jokes) you're asking how to reflect the Black woman's experience with racism in your story. And if that's not something you're confident in writing, something that you've studied, read, listened to, and have a grasp on, I wouldn't do it at all. In addition to how this story is supposed to be a romance (I assume, given the names) racism isn't romantic. Hiring a Black sensitivity reader could be key at this moment as well.

As I have said before, I'm always iffy on fantasy racism anyway, because it usually reveals that people don't actually understand what real world racism is and how it functions. I don't know how well you and your co-writer have written this story. But if your white zombie Romeo really is experiencing "zombie racism", then it stands to reason that he should be able to recognize racism when it's in front of him, and he should be checked for that.

[misty-slays-blog]

Okay I'm going to give my quick, abridged thoughts on Haladriel/Saurondriel this finale (could be better, could also be worse), and some ramblings about the series going forward, before taking a couple of days to let it all sink in.

We have been fed. Was it a lavish six-course meal? No. But I hadn't expected it to be, and it wasn't crumbs either. We did get Sauron admitting he cares about Galadriel (his Queen of Light) and that he doesn't want to kill her. So what Charlotte Brandstrom said - Sauron loving Galadriel - yeah, I can see it. And that gives me hope going forward. Saurondriel isn't dead at all (despite what they may claim on reddit).

I dreamed of a Dark!Galadriel arc but never expected it outside the realm of fanfiction. In fact, what went down is pretty much what I envisioned they would do. I am okay with it. Also let's not forget that they had written S2 already before the release of S1 and before the huge fandom reaction to Saurondriel.

(And mark my words, I think the wound in Galadriel's shoulder will play a role going forward - side note, did anyone else love Gil-Galad's line when Galadriel woke up? He's so done with her antics, bless him, I love them both).

But my critique of the fight is the same critique I have had for the entire season: it's way too rushed. I can see what they were going for, I can stand behind what they wished to convey, but the execution was just way too hasty. It's like we got all the pieces ("his queen", him not wishing to harm her, Galadriel faltering when she saw Halbrand, also really loved how Galadriel actually put up a fight against a literal god and even had the upper hand at one point, etc.) but they just didn't dwell long enough on them to really mean something. This is the result of having too many storylines crammed into too little time. I would much rather have them spread their budget over 10 or even 12 episodes instead of 8 because now, so many characters sadly lost their place in the spotlight, and certain emotional scenes lacked impact.

Another critique that I have is that the women didn't shine this season. Galadriel was captured by a man for a huge chunk of the season and then rescued in the end by three other men. We lost Bronwyn, Estrid only existed as love interest, and Míriel, Nori & Poppy hardly had anything to do. The only female characters who weren't really reduced, were Disa and Eärien.

I didn't really keep track but did they even pass the Bechdel test this season?

Seriously, they would do well to hire more female writers and fix this.

They are rejoicing on reddit right now, that the finale seems to mark the beginning of a "wise" Galadriel who will forever steer clear from the battlefield. Honestly this misogynistic mumbo jumbo makes me sick and I hope, hope, hope that the writers don't think this would be a good idea. Yes to wise(r) Galadriel, character development and growth, no to domestic, perfect Galadriel staying at home while the men around her go to battle. Please let her be flawed, let her be tempted by the darkness, let her be a warrior. She is one of my favorite characters and I dread the idea that they might actually reduce her to a side character.

I know I might be in the minority, but I actually liked season 1 more for that reason than season 2. Yes, it had its flaws, mainly in pacing and editing, but the world just felt more alive and fleshed out.

Overall I'm rating this season not great, not terrible.

[pleasantspark]

I don't mind the sin being morally grey or blue/orange morality.

For example ozzie can be about consent between hellborn but he sees sinners humans as just font of energy. Bee could actually did something her ring. And then lucifer , being neutral being passive or protect status quo aren't same things. Despite being "heroes of free will" Ls has created a system on slavery, ok now knockin down a social-economic sistem isn't easy abd would take time but lucifer is on top so he got options and power. He is litteraly the stronger, he can kill everyone who is in way but the problem is this he doesn't care and he has advatage of actual system, nobility and overlord rule in his place and he doesn't need to work but i bet charlie's money come from taxes. Naturaly in true adult show stopping extremination would have grave social economic disaster; overpopulation, people start to fight for resourch , overlord would ask for soul for everything, then possibility to invade other rings and earth. Sinners cannot do it? Can't? Hell is hadly a proson and if also there is so magic power something humans are good is making impossible possible. There is no conseguences, and I don't believe there wasn't a war between heaven and hell in past, i mean charlie phone has numbers of fallen angels! But by Viv lucifer never rebelled, if he didn't he was passivly looking his wife and demons attack and doing nothing. Being passive and ignorant is decision too, a sin in same way. Because lucifer is nepo child of elders, he hasn't never got a true punishment, his punishement was you make you bed lay on,thinking how vaggie was punished and you can see who is nepo child of heaven.

another point hurting yoursel is sin too, not going too much in Christianity but it does want to you be fine too it is love and be kind with everyone, that include you. Plus thinking an addiction, it effected all people arround you too, our actions also against ourself has conseguences. But HH isn't a bout redeption(which it is strongely connect whitc conseguences) but fantasy

We all know that VivziePop has the writing mentality of a 12 year old Wattpad writer who uses their 3DS to update their Mega Man x Reader smutshots.

(Don't ask, that was me when I was little.)

This Fandom is nothing more than being built on FanFiction. VivziePop managed to make herself known by using a previous exisiting IP, slapping on her OCs and calling it new.

To me, the Biblical Characters aren't them, they are just "OCs" of Designs that VivziePop made and didn't want to go to waste. They are nothing but SceneCore rejects or just a means to an end.

So in conclusion:

There's a possibility that VivziePop wanted her fanfictions published, so she decided to do it Earl James style and there.

An example of fanwork that has became it's own fanbase is Fundamental Papers Education. The creator really hit the lottery with how popular her work became. And I am envious that I can't be that level of successful while leeches like VivziePop doesn't have to do anything but step on other people to get to where she is now.

[chokopoppo]

I feel obligated to say, since I do occasionally engage with and share posts about fan creators feeling like their audience isn't engaged with them, that... of course, I feel these frustrations as well sometimes, when I create something and share it, if the reception is very quiet.

HOWEVER, I've really had very positive experiences with the last few fandoms I've been creating things for. A lot of them are smaller fandoms, and have fewer folks looking for writing and art and other kinds of creative endeavors, but I've really felt very welcome everywhere I've gone. I try not to let fandom become a numbers game for me, which allows me to write exactly what I like, and trust that the people who will respond well to it will find it.

I think my main frustration and sadness, which I've heard shared from readers and friends, is how many people feel scared to interact. I've had friends message me and tell me they loved something I wrote, but didn't want to comment on it because they were scared, or it felt rude. I've had readers tell me that friends of theirs really liked something I made, but they wouldn't leave a comment because they didn't want to bother me.

And I think I know where this comes from, because I've been scared off of commenting on fanart and fanfiction before. I had some bad experiences where I wanted to share genuine excitement and love, and an artist or an author was unkind in return, perhaps because the way I shared those feelings was... immature, or inarticulate. It left me with a deep well of shame, that I had not praised someone Adequately, and with the (incorrect) belief that if I could not leave the right kind of comment, the best thing I could do for the author was to Shut Up.

It was a breach of trust, and I don't really know how we rebuild that trust in the fandom, how we encourage people to be comfortable being inarticulate in public. I think the only thing I can say is that I, as a writer, do not believe there is such a thing as an "inadequate compliment". While no reader owes their thoughts to the writer, if you choose to share them, I am touched. I know that it takes vulnerability, and I am grateful you chose to share that with me.

[emilykaldwen]

The point of me sharing this isn't a 'woe is me please tell me nice things'. Absolutely not. I'm sharing this because many of my mutuals are writers, and we can all be hard on ourselves. We all feel like this, and I want to share these feelings because I know so many of you have variations of these thoughts.

I've always been very hard on myself with writing. I write because it's a passion. I write because I want to get better at it and fanfiction provides such a, comparatively, low stakes and arguably low stress way to do that. The foundations are there, the burden of creation is different, etc etc.

and yet as I approach the end of this first arc of maiden, I find myself, as I get, overly critical of myself. I should have added this scene, I tell myself as I look over a previous chapter someone commented on. I should have spent more time on Aegon's musical pursuits, I scold myself when I think of all the little character moments that are important to me but didn't quite make it to page.

It's fanfiction. I'm not beholden to my 25 chapter limit for this arc. I could, I tell myself, keep building out and describing all these moments in the lead up to the wedding. There's Aegon's bachelor party! (which I know how it goes generally) There's the barges and the fireworks! I'm not beholden to 25 chapters. This is fic, I remind myself, I can just push it to 27 chapters or 28.

But.

But.

Does that serve the story? They're fun scenes for sure, and enrichment, but do they really need to be there? There's a reason only a handful of my chapters dance in the 10-12k wordcount, because I don't want bloated chapters where by the time you're 8k in and something new is starting, you've already kind of forgotten what's happened in the first part, you know? I love a chonky chapter as much as the next person, but I've discovered as part of my growth not just a writer, but an editor as well, you need to give your readers a break.

My employees go through a four hour orientation. I have to come up with good ways to make sure they're focused for that four hour orientation and retain that vital safety information. It's the same idea!

Would I change things about arc I? Yes, of course. I would work better on showing not telling (something that suffers in chapters I struggled with, for obvious reasons). I do find that the first half of the story is more... has something that the latter chapters don't, and that's absolutely because I was able to sit with the chapters because I was working at a 'write ahead' pace.

But I am proud of this. I'm excited to take what I've learned and put it into practice for Arc II.

(I'll be going back to edit Maiden at some point. Fixing continuity mentions, editing some narrative description, etc etc. and I'm looking forward to that too)

[ilgaksu]

i will now be referring to this situation as weimargate, because i must laugh or i will dissolve into the void.

aka i have had a VERY weird experience of it in fandom lately, and it has escalated to memes in lieu of interpretative dance*, but also i want to talk about it because i think, in more general terms, it's relevant for discussion about how fandom is evolving.

(*as illustrated by @difeisheng because i am personally intimidated by photoshop. interpretative dance would've only had me to blame.)

so. hi! if you don't know me, i am an ao3 writer who goes by the pen name ilgaksu. i have 179 fics on my ao3 account, and of those, 46 of these are for DMBJ or grave robber's chronicles. i've been writing in this fandom for roughly three years, which means according to the laws of mathematics and my own inability to stop posting about my favourite blorbos, that's a new fic every 3.39 weeks. i have not counted chapter updates in this count, but given several have multiple chapters, i think we can see there's....a lot. one ongoing series is currently sitting at about 200k, word-count wise. i like to write, overall, about disability, reclamation, legacy and memory. i also overuse semi-colons.

i am also a very private person at this point in my fandom career. this will be the first post i've made in a while talking about myself where i have allowed there to be reblogs on it. this isn't intended as an affront to anyone else in fandom. my ask box is open, sans anon, and in the last few years, i chose to reply to every comment i could to make sure i still get to engage about the characters i love without compromising my own desire for privacy about my personal life. i choose to work under an explicit persona - because we all do on the internet but i have made mine obvious and enunciated and almost a brand - because i think there is something freeing about allowing myself that experience. it's allowed me to write work that i relate to deeply without having to divulge my life to be analysed by strangers on the internet. generally, i like to post my silly little stories, talk to people about them, and then go about my day offline.

anyway, so this week, i seriously considered walking away wholesale from my current fandom, and i'd actually like to talk about why, and talk about me as a person as opposed to the narrative of persona that i've crafted.

because the reality of a persona is that a real, living person is required to animate it. if i am the person who is small and human and anxious to even speak about this, then i am also the reason the operation is running. it's a one-man show. as much as i want my work to speak for itself without my need to justify its meaning or worth, without my experiences, research and choices about my time, the work would not exist. that's just fact. it's fact for every writer and artist and podficcer and person who labours out of love you see. i also deliberately consider myself a writer as opposed to a content creator, because i believe that label mimics a wider culture i have no interest in - that of someone creating a consumable, ownable object. my fanfiction is a hobby. it cannot be owned by other people. unlike my original work, where it can be bought, there is no formal, explicit contract between me and the reader. there is, however, in fandom, an implicit social contract of equality and collaboration, where we are all equals. i am fundamentally no better than someone who never writes fic and never wants to and never will. i reject the idea of superiority among fans because i do not engage in subculture to mimic the dominant culture, the one that tells me stories are something only certain people are allowed to see themselves in, or even tell to others; that production is the only means of social capital and intrinsic worth.

i am aware, also, that by being private the way i am, i end up sacrificing some experiences that i could have by being more accessible, but i want to reiterate that i have never gone out of my way to conceal my tumblr, nor ignored people who contacted me directly to talk about my fic. in fact, if you show up to talk about my fic, i will probably be so thrilled i'll never let you leave - especially since, when it comes to a majority of it - i spend a lot of time on research, something i enjoy, and deliberately cite my research in the notes because i want to share it as part of the experience of my writing. clearly, i want ideas i have come up with to be enjoyed and loved and shared, because otherwise why would i take the risk of putting them out online, where i then cannot control how they're received or transformed?

however, since about a year ago, i've maintained a policy of works based on my own that i've had outlined clearly in my profile on ao3 here:

as someone who is playing in someone else's sandbox for free myself, my only request is if when you use an idea, usually a headcanon, which is one i created, which you can as much and in whatever way you want because that is the nature of collaborative fandom and the reason i love it so much, you cite that i was the originator of the idea. and secondly, that you let me know. this is a personal request based on how writing can be a very lonely project, even in fandom. you put your work out into the world, with no sense of who it will reach and if it will mean anything to them, and you have to work on the faith that even if it doesn't, the work itself was worthwhile. but you hope it will, because everyone hopes it will.

all of this is outlining so it's understandable to people that read this how i was completely off my face bewildered when i found out a headcanon of mine had reached the level of fanon popularity where it's been mistaken for canon, and has been for over a year at the very least, and i had literally no idea this had happened.

which, frankly, was both hilarious, in a very bizarre way, and completely, deeply sucked.

i know this is my idea because of how distinctive it is, and how much it contravenes canon - namely, that a character, hei xiazi, was a medical student in berlin during the weimar republic. i know it's mine because the timeline with the canon we're told by the actual writer of the source material doesn't match up, which i was aware of and chose to retcon. it was designed and fitted to a personal interpretation of canon material i had been working on for years, and involved a lot of time and research and intense love for the era, the character, and the ways a story about being alone in a foreign country had intertwined with my own personal life. ever since i wrote it, i assumed that the one or two people who had used it with credit were the only ones who had, and because they had honoured my request i was honestly completely thrilled. i still am that those fics exist. that's because it was collaborative.

i want to be clear: nothing about the situation as it stands has been collaborative. a writer being the last to know about the commonality of their own idea in a small fandom is not collaborative. and while it might not bother everyone, it's bothered me to the point i've had serious consideration for several days about whether i should walk away from the fandom.

but ilgaksu, surely you should be flattered that people liked the idea so much?

yes. this was never about the use of the idea. it's about the way this idea has been isolated and used with an assumption that i would have no interest in knowing, or that i would even need to know. i'm not sure what has caused this - whether the persona element of my work has led people to believe i would not have any emotions about finding this out, but i am not, actually, a persona. i am the person who uses it. and as the person who uses it, this is how it felt to find this out. it felt, and still feels uncomfortable, hurtful and isolating to find out your idea has been so beloved but that nobody considered whether you would like to know. it feels like the collaborative element of fandom has been severed from you, specifically, and that your fanwork has been treated as entirely other from you as a fan. i hope nobody else making work feels like this, and i've been told this situation is so strange as to ensure that's hopefully not the case, but i think this is an ongoing issue more widely - the idea that writers are separate from fan culture, and their works are products as opposed to the shared results of a hobby.

do i think this was deliberate? not at all. do i think this was intended to be hurtful? not even in the slightest. but i want to be clear how personal this feels.

i don't have an answer for this situation. the cat is out of the bag, ilgaksu knows about the fanon, and hei xiazi is, despite all canon, going to medical school in 1920s germany. expressing my discomfort with how this has gone down feels important to me anyway, and it's also important to me that i do it in this very detailed way so that people who were unaware do not feel personally at fault, or feel like by me expressing this i am taking this idea back from them. i always wanted this idea to be loved and to be shared.

i also always hoped this idea would find people who wanted and needed a story about someone a long way from home following an ambition, and how much fear and hope and desire goes into the decision to do something like that, and what it means to be a disabled person in a foreign country, and what it means to be queer in a foreign country, and overall what it means to be a stranger in a strange land. i want to be clear that while i wrote this for me, i also wrote it for everyone who has also lived that. i want my work to feel like someone is holding your hand, not that they're at a distance and disregarding you, the reader, and the relationship we have together during the time you read my work.

i hope in future that if you use my headcanons and are aware of that being the case, you let me know. i don't have to read the work itself if you find that intimidating. i will not go out of my way to find it. whatever you've done with the idea, i will fundamentally see it as a compliment and evidence of an exchange between us as a fandom. but i want to know because otherwise, all i see is you taking something i loved and wanted to share and enjoying it with a door firmly shut between us. i am too old to care if i'm not invited to a party, but if the party is themed around a concept i put so much thought and love - for the source material, the people who were going to read it and myself - i can't help but care. it's hard to feel like a vending machine, even if the process of making the fic is so joyful for me that i won't stop until the joy is gone. it hasn't gone yet, but this week it's been dented a bit.

anyway - if you got to the end of this, thank you. please be considerate of how much this has taken for me to express, regardless of your own feelings on it, and how unusual it is for me to make a post that is able to be shared. if you use the idea in future, you do so with my blessing, which was always there. if you want primary sources, places to start, or anything like that - fashion, language, visuals - i want to be clear you can ask me and i will be beyond thrilled to help. i always have been and i'm concerned that because of this that hasn't been clear. but i also feel like if i don't state this experience in this way at this time, and how it was experienced by me, odds are i will now forever look over my shoulder and wonder if this will happen again, and i love writing for this fandom so much that i will not allow something like that to dim that love. i know you love these characters so much too - it's why you're here. i actually used to make a lot more meta posts like this, about fan culture, and i've been considering if i will again - just less personal and less anxiety-inducing to post next time. until and beyond then, i just hope we can all consider things like this in future - that i can treat you with the same grace - and understand the pressures and anxieties of writers in fandom at this point in time especially. a lot of us have hearts far more made of glass about the things we love, like our work, than can be immediately apparent.

anyway, i'm going back into hiding now.

your friendly local cryptid fanwriter,

ao3 user ilgaksu <3

[gearmarke]

Let's talk about Pickles and his drinking/drug habits because I am concerned about the man and I know we love him

[TW: Drinking, discussion of destructive behavior, therapy, if the headcanon idea of pickles (actually) rehabilitating his drinking/drug behavior upsets your perception of him then don't read I'm not trying to start any fights lol

Edit: PLEASE BE NICE TO ME I FORGOT THE END OF THE REQUIEM!!]

{Hello party people, I'll start this off by saying I am an observant person and not a licensed therapist, psychologist, or doctor of any kind! This is purely from an observers standpoint so please be nice to me don't yell at me}

As we all know, Pickles is very dependent on his use of drugs and alcohol. This is a result of outward rejection and neglect from both his mother and father in favor of his brother, Seth. Pickles isn't wrong for turning to substances to cope of course, but it helps us to understand why he depends on them so heavily. They, a long with Dethklok, fill the void his family left in him.

Now, he's part of the biggest band in the world. With enough pull to directly sway the economy to their will and yet this part of him still feels empty. Pickles turns to substances when faced with anger, grief, sadness, despair, any negative emotion he just can't stand to cope with. But he was willing to give his greatest crutch away not to stay on top, but to keep his place in the band. Nathan casually refers to Dethklok as friends and even family in the earlier seasons, so it's easy to assume pickles feels similarly about the band since he's about as emotionally aware as Nathan.

(I think it was bullshit that Pickles was forced to forgive Seth by the way. Fuck that guy, Pickles had already come so far!)

I AM NOT DUNKING ON OTHER WRITERS FOR KEEPING HIS HABITS CANON!!! There's something bittersweet about Pickles sharing his coping mechanism with others or readers in fanfictions, I love the idea of him falling for someone he can actually kick back and have a beer with instead of an uptight groupie he feels pressured to impress.

Yet there could be a reason he goes too far. I know the running joke is that he's practically invincible when it comes to alcohol poisoning or overdosing. But on multiple occasions it's appeared he's tried to. When he thought he was going to die, he'd rather it be by the hand that's comforted him, the substances he depends on. And while the episode is funny as shit, it reveals something concerning about him.

Like all my other discussion posts, this could just be me overthinking. But I see it too often where pickles is glorified for doing these things that him, as if he's-

... As if he can't make hamburger time. Holy shit. I forgot he's a walking god. Is he protected by the prophecy? Oh my god. I'm so dumb-

He can do this because he knows he won't get hurt. He can get as inebriated as possible and come out fine. Maybe it's because somehow he knows he'll be fine he drinks to no end?? But how would he know that before they learn about the prophecy?

Can you tell I have no one to talk to about this shit? Now I dumped out my brain on this fucking draft and I don't know if it's worth posting anymore lol.

Anyways, here have this slop lol.

[spacemonkeysalsa]

"it's so weird that Astarion's racism isn't confronted in any meaningful way"

I genuinely can't tell what's bait and I don't think I am the problem, everyone else is. But I am not going to engage with people on twitter about this game any more, because it's usually just bait.

But it also could be someone who never played act three or only played act three one way, because Astarion's racism against the Gur is addressed as a bit if an arc within the story. Only as subtext and only if you don't ascend him, and keep Gandrel and Ulma alive. But it's something. There's also the interesting mechanical change of him going from disapproving of saving gnomes in act one, to approving of saving gnomes twice in act three.

And, yeah, that's subtle.

But it's a piece of the game.

It's subtle compared to what can happen with Lae'zel, or Shadowheart, if you make certain choices. But it's more than what you get for Wyll and Karlach.

I was actually really disappointed that Flo never showed up in act three, and that Karlach's attitude towards cambions (many of whom probably had about as much a choice in their involvement with Zariel as she did) just gets dropped. Same with Wyll and his animosity towards the goblins, like why didn't we meet a goblin hanging out in Baldur's Gate, who's a huge fan of the Blade of Frontiers? Why didn't we meet any fans of the Blade? Why wasn't stop the presses about Wyll, or why couldn't the story we publish be Blade of Frontiers fanfiction?

And Gale is human and from Waterdeep, which in FR means he's the equivalent of like a wealthy white one percenter.

Like I do think the game could have done more with fantasy racism. There were opportunities not taken. But Astarion's storyline at least addressed it and called it racism. Which I kinda think might be the reason that some people treat him as "the racist" in the group, because the writers used the word, so it's harder to miss.