#If none of that made sense I do apologize however it is late and I’m just now deciding to actually use this blog
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maidenlove · 5 months ago
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Long addition within tags, I apologize.
Editblr is a breeding ground for idolatry, ableism, racism and so much more all for a community about putting images together.
I've been here for only a year but I feel like I've seen it all, and the excuses oh my god the excuses. You are all 15-19, you should not have the mental capacity of a 8 year old. Your common sense is non existent and almost all of you guys are so fucking stupid it's pissing me off more than any god can understand. You are old enough to have logical thinking skills, you may have a disorder and it may be a reason but not an excuse.
Alot of you have forgotten the saying "Think Before You Talk" and I've sure as hell done alot of thinking. This is my deep dive into editblr. I think if you consider yourself a good person you should read under cut.
Ableism
Typing quirks are a way of personal expression but why do so much of you hate to add plain text. I can understand to extent because plain text hates my head because of how long it can be but I'm not gonna act like a little bitch about it. I'm gonna add my typing quirk or even fonts itself to it.
I'm gonna ask someone to help me, or to do it for me. Stopping making excuses for ableism. Alongside with the typing quirks, your psds are ugly and eyestrainy. Psds also fall under racism because I have no idea why you guys are ignoring the fact some make dark skin characters lighter but in the case of ableism most of them are really bright and makes it hard to see.
Orange and brown? Green and yellow? Blue and brown? Why are you putting colours that can be so much eyesore together? And won't even tag as eyestrain and when someone does ask you only do it for one post.
Romanticization
This one is weird as fuck and I see no one mentioning it. Editblr highkey has a ddlg problem, this "little girl" aesthetic you guys have going on borderlines ddlg alot and its icky. The baby talk typing quirk is disgusting, stop it.
I'm not one to judge how someone copes with their trauma but what I DO judge is how you act when majority says its uncomfortable. Now this section I'm a bit unsure how to phrase it, gotta love dyslexia, but that isn't going to stop me.
There's alot of very uncomfortable romanticization of stalking which I've seen so much of alongside abusive relationships and the justification of these things.
Racism
Really can't escape this one unfortunately. Many of you are like kpop idols, you're too dyslexic towards the difference between appropriation and appreciation. Incase you forgot let me remind you.
You can not gift japanese names. Gifting names is a native practice therefore you can only gift native names. Also I've noticed you weirdos befriending people just to use their cultural names. I can't even say it east asian fetishization because its only Japanese.
Also for the love of God can you guys stop saying nonmem and non women especially when referring to sexualities. It's not hard to simply say "queer attraction to women" and "queer attraction to men".
Coming back to the "gifting" names thing, I think it's interesting how all of you conveniently have a Japanese friend who "gifted" you the name of a cute pink anime girl. Maybe I'll do a post later on how much of a bad liar you guys are.
Closed symbols is also another big problem you all have. No matter how much times you're told you can't use something you always cry "but my friend from xyz culture said it was ok!" One person can't speak for a whole culture. You're nothing but a coloinzer in disguise hiding behind the idea of aesthetic. If you want to know if a symbol is closed just use this site.
Goddess Personas
Yea this one is getting a whole section of its own. Like any people I am uncomfortable with goddess personas, especially being someone with biblical sources. Now the idea that a teenager on the internet is making people call them a goddess is strange isn't it?
In my opinion, they're all annoying, copy and paste, and I think not a lot of people talk about how the really bad ones get. You all love to indulge them, make them think they have power over them. You put them on a pedestal and praise them and get surprised when it all goes to their head?
Stop giving 14 years old power, stop indulging in their habits and letting it go their head. Forcing people to refer to you as their goddess? Their Lord and saviour? Their idol? Someone they must listen to? It creates a power inbalance which always leads to the weirdest of manipulation. Also all the engagekiss copiers are so obvious why would you want to copy the identity of a groomer? It says alot of about yourself if that's what you think is ideal.
Callout Posts
Now, personally, I believe that the only reason a callout post happens is because someone was affected, does it not? Very rarely would a callout post would be a fake one, especially if someone has more then one. If you defend someone who has more than one call out post that's on you and you're gonna end up making one some day I can genuine you that. People don't make them for no reason.
This is all I have to say for now. I hope you guys really consider what I have written here, or not, considering the fact you guys have shown multiple times you lack reading comprehension
@starriesse @dollicous @doveinne @firstgf @kiochisato @lamboll @cherryshh @narcbf @lavendergalactic @npditary @sprinkleoverdose @necroangelz @eskeys
#♡ ◟ Reblogs#Some points definitely could have been worded better however I do agree with basically all of this.#There are definitely a lot of problems within the community and I appreciate you at least attempting to call them out#The rampant racism ableism and whatnot is so aggravating it drives me up the wall mad#not to mention the lack of self awareness and lack of holding other accountable for their actions#and often times when people are held responsible they are either relatively quickly back online and running another blog#or they are driven out instead of being informed properly. Though there are times the offender hasn’t returned.#If none of that made sense I do apologize however it is late and I’m just now deciding to actually use this blog#So once again if that didn’t make sense I am sorry and will proofread at a later time (if ever)#But overall Editing community on tumblr is full of bigotry and lack of information and the further spread of misinformation.#it boils my blood and I thank you for say these things; even if it might not be worded the absolute best.#Reblog bait#<- I do hate that you’ve included that portion as it can hurt people who have things such as Morality OCD.#However some people seem to only focus on that small mistake. There are many other things to talk about within this post yet people refuse.#Alright I am once again apologizing for any errors or mistakes within this rant-via-tags#I don’t want to get any flak for these errors I would simply like to be told of them.#I see now that it is not quite reblog bait however it serves similarly.#The idolatry as well is absolutely astoundingly rampant within this community. That blogger is not someone to be put on a pedestal#They are 15 years old. This will end badly for everyone.
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starryevermore · 9 months ago
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the house of snow (4) ✧ coriolanus snow
the house of snow ✧ a royal coryo au | pinterest board| ao3
pairing: king!coriolanus snow x fem!reader
series summary: the king of panem is in search of a bride. and, for reasons you can never understand, coriolanus snow has set his sights on you. it would never be a happy marriage, you’re sure of that. but none of that matters, because when snow decides he wants something, he will do everything in his power to ensure it is his. 
chapter summary: you realize that there is more to this than snow just wanting a bride.
word count: 2,548
series warnings?: 18+ MINORS DNI, royal au, regency au, arranged marriage, rivals to lovers, obsessive!coryo, jealous!coryo, protective!coryo, eventual smut, eventual pregnancy, more tags to be added later
chapter warnings?: jealous!coryo, manipulative!coryo, not proofread
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It brought you an inexplicable about of joy to get on Snow’s nerves. This was certainly a positive if you had effectively no choice but to marry him. It was fair, though, wasn’t it? He gets you as a bride, and you get to drive him up the wall. And, oh, how you’ve annoyed him. The way his jaw ticked, the narrowing of his eyes when you declared that the beautiful kitten he got you would be named Coriolanus. Just after you denied calling him by his name! If you weren’t intent on seeing how far you could push him, you might have cackled in that moment. 
The joy, however, was short-lived when Snow actually agreed that Coriolanus the Cat was your first son with him. If you would have known that he’d agree, you certainly never would have made the joke in the first place. Now—with Snow and your mother as witnesses to your agreement—you had to behave when around Snow. Granted, you did make the caveat that you would only behave to the best of your ability, which could be as little or as much as you wanted on any given day. Snow would not let you live the agreement down, though, you knew that much. Any time you could think about stepping a toe out of line, you were sure Snow would be quick to bring up the agreement.
You should have known better. 
“What do you think of Snow?” you asked your lady’s maid as she helped you get ready for the day. 
She paused as she tied the laces of your corset. “He would take very good care of you, ma’am,” she said.
You hummed, glancing at your reflection in the mirror. Tigris had made you a pale pink dress. Snow favored red, but your mother would kill you if you wore a color as scandalous as red before you were married. Pink, though, was a close alternative. “In the sense that I would want for nothing, yes, he would. But do you think I could grow to love him?”
She bowed her head, but that did not stop you from seeing the face she made. “He can be charming.”
“When it suits him,” you finish. You sighed. “I apologize. I know you cannot speak ill of the King. I just…am so tired of people acting like I should kiss his feet for showing interest in me.”
As she finished helping you into your dress, she said, “I know nothing of marriage, ma’am, but I know enough to say it is not without its struggles. Even if you could have a love match, there would be days you hate him for the most mundane things.”
“But if it was a love match, then it would all be worth it.” A frown settled on your face. “Or perhaps I’m being naïve. Mama and Papa were once a love match, and their scheming to have me married off to Snow is the first time they have truly spoken to each other in years.”
Your lady’s maid squeezed your hand. “All will be well, ma’am. If you can never love His Majesty, you will find something else to pour your affections into. Now, we should head downstairs. His Majesty is never late.”
You laughed. Well, that was certainly not true. Though, you supposed she didn’t know that. “Sometimes he is.”
But, after checking your reflection one last time, you turned and left your room. Your room was at the top of the stairs, so when you walked out, you could see Snow, holding Coriolanus the Cat, as he spoke with your mother. The sight made you giggle. He looked so uncomfortable holding the little kitten. One would think that he had been made to hold a pile of garbage than a sweet kitty. 
Almost like he heard you, Snow looked up to where you stood. You clenched your teeth, knowing now that you would have to put on an act. Because of the agreement, you no longer could revel in the private moments where you could do everything in your power to annoy Snow. Now, he expected perfection, and he would receive it. 
Slowly, you descended the stairs, your hand dragging along the bannister. The closer you got to him, the more a smirk grew on his face. Oh, you were sure he was reveling in this. 
His eyes never left yours. It was unnerving. Any other man in his position would be staring at your body—treating you completely like an object, just a pretty thing to hang off of his arm. But Snow…You weren’t sure. It was almost like he enjoyed tearing you apart, acknowledging your humanity and your independence just so he could squash any hope you had. 
Snow passed Coriolanus the Cat off to your mother, who looked even more comfortable than him, when you reached the bottom of the stairs. He held his hand out for you, which you reluctantly took. “That dress looks beautiful on you. Did Tigris make it?”
“She’s the only modiste I trust,” you said. 
He smiled. It almost looked twisted. “Then I suppose I should be paying her handsomely for your wedding gown?”
“Oh, that won’t be necessary, Your Majesty���” your mother cut in. 
Her words died in her throat as Snow narrowed his eyes at her. At least he also was not fond of her. If you couldn’t like him as a person, at least you might be able to bond over hating your mother. “Do you think you have the authority to tell me how I should and should not spend my money? I shall spoil my bride however I see fit.”
“Of course. I just meant—”
Snow ignored her, and held his arm out for you to take. “Let us promenade?”
A hint of a smile danced across your face. If all of your conversations were limited to despising your mother, then this might not be so awful. You held onto his bicep. “Let’s.”
Snow led you out of the house, letting your mother scramble to pass off Coriolanus the Cat to the butler so that the two of you wouldn’t get too far without a chaperone. “I think she is going to loathe you by the time you propose if you keep this up,” you said. 
He snorted. “You think it will take that long?”
“Not all of us are smart enough to despise you at first meeting,” you said. “She likely still has delusions of grandeur, that you are only acting this way in an attempt to sweeten me up to you and after we wed, you will be kinder.”
“Ah. Is it working then?”
You frowned, looking up at him. He was already watching you. Did he ever stop staring? “Is what working?”
“Sweetening you up, as you say,” Snow clarified. He offered you a small smile. “Contrary to what you think, I do not wish for you to be unhappy.”
“No, you only wish for me to be a mindless pawn in your pursuit of power. Snow…If you are trying to make me warm up to you, to even just tolerate your existence as opposed to hating it, you will be disappointed. I will not act out. I will not cause a scene. If you wish for me to provide you an heir, I shall. But I will not, and I cannot, pretend that I am happy with this. You have gotten me a kitten. You have offered me a library. You will give me one of the highest titles in Panem. But you cannot provide me with what I want.”
Snow looked away from you. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. For a moment, you wondered if you touched a nerve. You would not care if you did, but Snow also held your entire life in his hands. He could make you as miserable as he wished. Though you may not like it, this was him being kind in whatever way he could manage. “Would it truly be so awful? Loving me?”
By now, you had reached the square. As your eyes swept through the park, you took note of how well-populated the area was. It was not uncommon at this point in the season for the many courting couples to spend their afternoons in the square. It was certainly better than stuffy teas and tense luncheons. With that, though, came the lack of privacy. Unlike a ball, where the music and the dancing and the overlapping conversations drowned everything out, you were in the open. Anything you said, any wrong move you made, could easily be noticed. It was why, you supposed, Snow liked to ask you to promenade. It was one of the few times you would hold your tongue. 
But you could not be silent about your true thoughts now.
Dropping your voice to a near-whisper, you said, “You cannot force love, Snow. It happens organically, with time. With people who do not go at each other’s throats over every disagreement. We are too different. I have told you, I will not sacrifice my ideals to play a happy little wife.”
“I don’t want you to sacrifice who you are. Your ideals, your resoluteness, your inability to ever let something go…That is why I chose you. All I want is your cooperation. If you give me that, I will make everything else worthwhile.”
You nearly rolled your eyes. What more did he want from you? Was it not enough for you to allow him to show you off like you were some doll, to stake his claim on you and say little to anyone about how unwilling a participant you were? “Am I not cooperating now?”
“You are.”
“Then why do you need my love too?”
Snow finally looked at you again. Now, though, his pale blue eyes had darkened. You sucked in a breath. He almost looked…possessed? Was that the right word? He certainly didn’t look himself, the perfect picture of composure. You spared a glance at the couples around you. If anyone saw the way he looked at you, like he might just eat you, no one revealed it. 
“I want all of you, and I cannot settle for anything less.”
Why did he insist on this? Why did it matter so much to him? Snow was getting everything he wanted. He would get a wife. He would get an heir. You were from a good family. You were intelligent enough for his standards. You would even refrain from acting out in public. You would play the role he wanted in the eyes of Panem. Why was all of that not enough? What was so important about receiving your love too? 
Unless…
You dropped Snow’s arm. He looked at you almost like you slapped him. As the two of you stopped in the middle of the walkway, the other couples started to look more closely. You could hardly blame them. It would certainly be entertaining if you and Snow had a lover’s quarrel (or whatever way they decided to paint this picture) in the middle of the square. But you could hardly focus on them. 
“Sejanus was right,” you said. 
Snow’s jaw ticked. Oh. You definitely touched a nerve there. But that hardly made any sense. Him and Sejanus were friends. Of course, you supposed in telling Snow that if you had to marry anyone for social status, you would marry Sejanus, it would put a strain on their friendship. Snow sucked in a breath, as if trying to calm himself. Yet, when he spoke, his tone was clipped. “Do not say his name around me.” 
“But he, Lord Plinth, I mean, was right,” you repeated. It was hard to take heed in his words when all you could focus on what the revelation at hand. 
“I do not care about what he said and whether it was truthful. I would like to promenade, and so that is what we shall do.”
“Snow—”
He grabbed your hand. You nearly jumped away from him. But between his tight grip and the eyes of the ton, you forced yourself to stay still. Snow brought your hand back to his arm, forced your fingers to curl around his bicep. Some of the tension in his shoulders melted away when you touched him. 
“There,” he said. He let out another breath. “You promised me you would behave, yes?”
“I—Yes, I did.”
“Then stop talking, and let us promenade.”
Was this the life you were going to live now? Placating a King whose mood could flip at the drop of a name? You had never seen someone become so angry so quickly. All you had done was say Sejanus’s name, and Snow had acted like you committed treason. Was it treason for him? Did he truly view it that way? If you had known he would be so adverse to even hearing you speak about Sejanus, you would have never admitted to him that you thought Sejanus would be an easy man to love. At the time, though, you thought it wouldn’t matter. Snow already had you where he wanted you. The only person truly standing in your way to pursue other matches was Snow himself. Why would you think that admitting your true desires change anything? 
Not seeing a way out of this, you bowed your head and did not say another word. You feared what he might do if you stepped out of line. If he was so angry at you saying Sejanus’s name, what could he do if you disobeyed him?
Snow stared at you for a long moment, trying to determine what you might do. When he was satisfied with your compliance, he began walking again, acting as if the spat never occurred. You had been prepared for the rest of the walk to be in silence. You certainly didn’t plan on saying anything else. There was no winning if you did. 
“I am going to meet with your father at the end of the week,” Snow said. You sucked in a breath. If he noticed, he didn’t react. “We will need to discuss the terms of our engagement.”
Not knowing what to say, you hummed in acknowledgment. 
Snow, however, was not happy with that. “Tell me you cannot wait to marry me.”
Tears began to prick at your eyes. How could your life be stolen from you in just a matter of weeks? How could Coriolanus Snow come in and ruin everything you wanted for yourself? How could he keep demanding more? You considered repeating the same sentence he said, but you knew he would not be satisfied with that. 
You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I cannot wait to become Mrs. Coriolanus Snow.”
His chest puffed out and a smirk settled on his face. Well, at least you knew the right things to say to placate him. That might at least make the marriage easier to manage. 
Snow leaned into you, pressed his nose into your hair. It was hardly appropriate, especially in public, especially between two unmarried people. But he was King, and no one would stop him from doing what he pleased, societal expectations be damned.
“Good girl,” he whispered. 
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revivemyreverie · 1 year ago
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Chapter 13
Cane chokes in disbelief. 
Cane: B-but dad, you said you were going to stop the park festivities the moment we walked in-
Mayor Kappel: I did that so you wouldn’t complain as we walked here. Now let this old man enjoy some fun, and go do something on your own. 
Mayor Kappel: Now, as for the fine gentleman who invited me, Mr. Peterson, this is quite the event you’ve set up. 
Pat: Don’t hand me the credit, give it to the kid sewing this kite, and the one you said was carrying some old junk a few nights ago. 
Mayor Kappel: …I guess I should apologize to that child. After all, it looks like he’s made good use of that old merry-go-round. 
Pat: And the mini coaster too, I hope. He made that thing in under 3 days. 
Mayor Kappel: Did he now? Well, I might have to hire him as an architect when he’s older. He’d be a much better employee than the “designers” my nephew commissioned. 
Winston: Good luck with that. As far as I know, Zackery is going down a much more creative route. Just ask Madam Roostia about it! 
Winston: Actually, now that I mention it… where is she? 
Somewhere else, on the tallest building of the tiny village, a familiar matriarch stands upon the rooftop, umbrella in hand. 
?: It’s been a while since I’ve done this. But then again, no park get-together is perfect without the right weather! 
Quickly, she lifts her umbrella towards the sky. Like a sea being slashed in two, the clouds fade as a bright and blue sky spreads throughout the town. For the park-goers, they find themselves shocked to see such a clear sky. A wind picks up, and Gale’s kite goes flying. 
Winston: Waaa! Hold on tight to that kite! 
Gale: I got it! I got it!!
Other children, some with their own kites, head out on the field themselves to play around in the new-found sun. Finally finding a sense of calmness in this world of chaos, you and Grim share a smile. This is definitely a memory you’ll find yourself looking back on with happiness. 
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Lotsie: So it sounds like your trip ended pretty well!
Winston: Oh, you had to be there to see it, Lotsie! It was like the ending to one of our plays; a perfect final! 
Lotsie: Maybe next time I’ll come by, a get-together in that old town sounds like something in a dream~.
Saturn: Ooh! Take me too! I gotta make up for not being able to go to my best buddy’s hometown.
Zackery: MUAHAHAHA! Everyone shall be invited to my totally evil town! Well, if my mom agrees to house more people in the orphanage, that is. 
Saturn: I’m sure she’ll let us, as long as none of us are on the police’s radar, right Pat?
Pat: Hah, Sure. 
The group all chuckles to Pat’s bluntness, before Lotsie gets up from his seat.
Lotsie: Looks like we lost track of time~. I gotta get to bed or else I might wake up late for class. 
Pat: Lotsie, wait–
Lotsie: Yes?
Pat:... Nevermind, I just had a question about classwork, it can wait.
Lotsie: If that's what you say! Just come by my class tomorrow and I’ll help you. You got me my stuff after all!
Lotsie leaves, allowing the younger students to chatter amongst each other. Pat, however, remains quiet as he ruminates on his own experience at the town.
...
Mayor Kappel: Sorry to bring you all that trouble, young one. I didn’t realize how stubborn I’ve been about this town until now. 
Mayor Kappel: But if you are who you say who you are, and mean what you truly say, then who am I to stop you? But please, if you really know my best friend’s son… send him back home. If not for my sake, then that old house. 
Pat: …I’ll make sure to. 
Mayor Kappel: Now get going, this party doesn’t look like its moving anywhere. 
Pat sneaks out of the hangout without a complaint from his underclassmen. Traveling through the now-sunny town, the 3rd year is surprised at how quickly he could find the house now. That, and how dilapidated it was.  Stepping onto the creaking patio, Pat inserted Lotsie’s key into the rusted handle. With a click, the door opens, revealing an even sadder image inside the house. Sheets laid upon several pieces of furniture, and items not covered were caked in a thick layer of dust. 
Pat: Jeez… if the sun didn’t come out today, I probably wouldn’t be able to find my way around this place…
As instructed by Lotsie’s request, Pat walked up to the second level of the house, past the hallway and into the last door: Lotsie’s room. Opening it revealed a mess worse than the house itself. Clothes and papers are thrown around the room, as if its owner was in a rush.  Despite his bravery beginning to waver, Pat pushed onwards towards the bed. Looking under, he pulled out the thing he left school for; the thing his best friend so dearly needed: A simple, metal pocket watch.  Looking over it, Pat noticed an odd engraving on its backing. Before further investigating, however, Pat’s eye caught the corner of a photo beneath the bed. Curiosity winning him over, the 3rd year plucked the picture from its place. 
Pat: …!
Shocked by the image, Pat quickly put the item back, before leaving the house, watch in hand.  Back at the dorm, as the first years chatted amongst each-other, Pat became lost in thought. 
Pat: Of course, I could just play it down to it being his father and them bearing similar appearances, or him getting his father’s hat as a keepsake, but it still makes no sense that the picture dated from almost 50 years ago.
Pat: Just… Why did the boy in the picture look like Lotsie..?
END
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shizuokadivision · 2 years ago
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Knock. Knock.
Hearing an unusual sound in front of her lab, the mad scientist of Shizuoka reluctantly snaps her sense back from her current self-proclaimed activities ‘for the sake of science’. Since there is such a rare case to have some idiots step into her territory and rarer with someone who dares enough to interrupt her by banging at her fucking lab’s doors, she decides to go do some checkup on the security cameras.
Surprisingly, what she finds outside is a bit beyond her expectations.
Not a single soul is found in her building except for a rusted trolley in the corridor —which she recognizes to be the one that she used for taking some useless subjects out of her lab. With the flickering dim lights out there; fortunately(?), the trolley isn’t as ‘dirty’ as it used to be back in a few days ago to make her house look more like those in horror movies than it already is.
Moreover, there is a package neatly wrapped in the furoshiki style placed on top of it as well as a pot of green plant, and beside them is a white folding card laying not further away.
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“Apologizing for intruding and arriving a bit late, ma’am. Hopefully, I suppose the person who is now reading this is none other than Ms. Hojo of Shizuoka’s ‘Silent Tradgedy’. 
As the emissary from a certain new division, I’ve arrived here on behalf of Mr. Kanata and Mr. Tomoharu to deliver their blessings on your special occasion. Oh, not a fan of celebrating your own birthday? Never mind that then, here also has one kid who seems to have the same underlying issue, maybe you can think of them as their greeting gifts. Those kids have been lately making it their personal goal to greet as many divisions as they could by doing this kind of stuff. It may not be something valuable or expensive but I beg of you to please at least accept their hospitality.
Mr Tomoharu has made you his homemade Dorayaki. However, this time he modified the original recipe a little by making them with dark cocoa and vanilla cream. Ah, if you are worried about whether it’s safe or not, please rest assured; that kid has no way of knowing how to use poison.
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Next is Mr Kanata; he has submitted two CDs contained in the case. The first one is his remix of relaxing classical tracks he had personally selected and mixed back in his old days. Flipping to the other side, you will see the second CD which he told me it’s called ‘White noise ASMR’. He also said he has attempted to use binaural tones in it too …and I’m afraid to say they’re quite unfamiliar terms to me. Though, he has told me that he doubts it could help relieve your migraine since his listeners have given him the feedback that it has somehow helped them on relaxing and studying.
Lastly, the plant in the pot is ‘Golden Pothos’ for Mrs Aichi since last time we couldn’t participate in her birthday celebration. Mr Kanata said it’s a nice indoor plant that can help purify the polluted air. 
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Hope you have a nice year
Best wishes
—Just some passerby old man.” 
The Nara Division? To be honest Kanon out of all the divisions she thought would give her a gift Nara hadn't been one to cross her mind. Kanon hasn't been able to do much research on them. What she had found about the leader was so interesting. Reika and Sakura were currently the ones who know more about them. Sighing as she realized that these were more gifts Kanon walked to where the package was placed. Picking up the card nearby she began to read it. Going around and greeting all the divisions? Kanon wished Nara all the luck in the world some of the divisions were not some of the nicest around. Shizuoka included. 
Picking up one of the dorayaki Kanon took a bite and had to admit it was delicious. Poison? Kanon snorted at the idea of that. She’d seen a picture of Asahi Tomoharu before and he looked like he would cry if he stepped on a cat’s tail. No, he was much too kind for that. Besides poison wouldn't work on her anymore it wouldn't work on any of the three of them actually Reika had made sure of that. Taking another bite Kanon wondered if she can get more of these. She rarely left Shizuoka but Kanon was willing to make an exception if this was what she could get in Nara. Anything to get something she was able to scarf down without vomiting.
Yuuya Kanata? Wasn't he the one that was related to? Ah yes, he was. Kanon couldn't help but morbidly wonder if he knew that he was related to that woman. The last time Kanon had seen her they had fought to a standstill. Shaking her head to disperse the memories, Kanon looked at the gift he had given her. White noise? Well, Kanon would give him credit for trying. Her migraines went far deeper than what most anybody knew. At least she could play it when she’s asleep. One of the few times her mind was silent even if was getting harder and harder to do nowadays.
Kanon wondered if the boys from Nara knew that their gift for Reika was toxic. Oh sure, it wasn't very strong but if there was anybody on this planet who could weaponize its toxicity it was Reika. Picking up the pot Kanon inspected the vine. While botany wasn't her area of expertise like it was Reika’s, Kanon knew enough about the subject. It was always fascinating listening to Reika explain what plants could do. That they were so much more than pretty flowers. Suddenly an idea crossed Kanon’s mind. One that wouldn’t be too difficult to pull off.
“I wonder if Reika would mind if I made a few modifications to this? She seems to be doing well with the plant I gave her for her birthday. Perhaps she’ll enjoy another one like it.”
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kilikrungpotmeister · 1 month ago
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3 Years Too Late
Ao3:link
<prev Chapter16 next>
“Three years and you’re just going to run away?!” Thunder would shout at the man in front of her the sound of her electricity buzzing like a swarm of angry bees. She couldn’t tell if it’s from the lighting or from how angry she was but the man before her just seems like a blurry mass but she just knew it was him. “Do you have any idea what you put us through! You are family! You were our dad and you left us! And after all that, After making us lose our family again. Come back, and cause Fire to melt down. You’re just the father of the year aren’t you?”
Thunder stood there for a moment giving the man the courtesy of time to explain himself. However all the figure did was stand there wordlessly, making the shaman even more angry.
“What’s the problem? Too embarrassed to say anything?” She taunted as she cocked her leg back, “after what you did to us you think I’m gonna let you leave Scot free? I’ll make you apologize” In an instant she dashed forward towards the man her hand cloaked in electricity.
Just before she made contact she was jolted by something hitting her side knocking the wind out of her.
She found herself sitting up on the floor of the living room, her heart racing as she tried to catch her breath. “A dream?” She thought. She just sat on the ground trying to collect her thoughts.
“You okay there sparky?” Harver asked, seeing the girl on the floor, he had come to get her for their meeting with Kidd, “nightmare?” He’d reach a hand out to help the girl up.
“You could call it that…” she said, taking the hand and getting up, “I dreamt…I was confronting Kilik…and I got so mad I attacked him.”
“Is that what you really want to do to him?” The lightning spear asked, raising a brow.
“I don’t know,” the shaman responded, “I feel like I should be mad at him, I feel like I should hate him because he abandoned us. Made us lose our family again. But…something tells me there’s more to this. Kilik isn’t the type to be dumb enough to go on a mission without some form of weapon. He was a hothead but he was cautious enough, and he knew the dangers of a rogue witch as well as any of the Spartio members. So why did he go alone? Kilik raised us on his own for so long, bearing our outbursts on his own. He even said he was proud of the scars he got from us. So why abandon us like that? Why risk going on a mission without us? Or any weapons.”
“I fear those are questions only he’d be able to answer.” Harver responded by placing a hand on the girl’s head, “none of us really knew anything about Kilik’s mission. Last thing I heard was a request had come in from the Queen of witches herself and Kilik was called in. Only Kidd really knew the details. But you’re right, his actions don't make sense for the person we knew him to be.”
“Doesn’t help that information is also kept off the records too,” Thunder added,”I’m starting to think no one really knew who he was to begin with.”
Harver raised a brow at her statement but chose not to pry into it. She was right that none of them really knew about Kilik’s bast before he came to DWMA though he never thought of it as something important to be aware of.
“Anyway, shall we be off?” Harver asked.
The shaman would nod before following the older weapon out.
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badendprince · 11 months ago
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Good Evening, Goji!
I do hope this finds you well, My Dearest. I’ve been stalking for page for a minute now, however, I’ve been too scared to interact with you because I’m 17. Of course, I would not want it in any romantic way. Just a friendly way- Dear God, this sounds awful to say, yet that’s what makes me sick and twisted, isn’t it?
I apologize if I have weirded you out in ANY way shape or form, truly, I do. Please do not post this in a negative light, I will literally cry. /hj
Again, please do NOT post this in a negative light. If you wish to post this, please either make it positive or do not post at all. I will leave you a hint at whom I am, but it will be hard because I’m sure you have many followers.
My Darkest Secrets,
👛
Well, I'm not entirely opposed to completely platonic friends.
But you're right. If that was a hint, I'm stumped. But I haven't been in my right mind lately either... Too dissociated and brain foggy to parse through much information or logic puzzles these days.
Anyway, none of this is negative, btw. I mean, being in a state of dissociation recently because of an upcoming traumaversary isn't good, but that doesn't have anything to do with your ask.
Do you mean bodily seventeen, by the way? This is a big distinction. As a Citizen of Society Grimm, our ages are typically much different from the body's, so we do like to be sure even if we're mostly certain that people are probably singlets and do mean their body's age.
Sorry if that's confusing. I'm not sure if any of this has made sense. I'm starting to ramble I think.
Either way, we can be friends.
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mixedstyles · 2 years ago
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As Long as You Are Part 1
Harry Watches Fan Reactions P1
LINKS: Part 2, Part 3, Social Media Blurb
Author’s Note: Hey! This is is my first x reader... ever and I’m nervous about posting it. It’s dialogue heavy and might have the vibe of an academic paper because of how often I have to read and write them 😩 This might be all over the place so I apologize (especially with tenses). I just want to write as much as I can to try and get back into creative writing. Social media au’s are more of my vibe but I want to get their relationship down before I start doing that. Thanks, Rey.
Pronouns Used: She/Her (use of y/n)
Warnings: None!
Word Count: 1484
harry x musician!reader: Harry reacts to fans reacting to Harry’s House. Harry inception.
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Harry wasn’t one to go searching his name on social media just to protect his mental health from anything he might come across. However, despite this, he wanted to see how not only fans but music lovers in general were reacting to Harry’s House. So he went to the YouTube app and searched “Harry’s House Album Reaction”. As soon as he hit ‘enter’ thousands of videos popped up. Part of him had guessed that would be the result, but it didn’t stop him from being so surprised as the album had only been released a week earlier.
The videos recommended ranged from ‘Dad Reacts to Harry Styles’ to ‘Vocal Coach Reacts to Harry’s House’ and, he had to be biased, his favorites were those from people who were clearly fans. There was a thumbnail which was a photo of a group of girls huddled together holding each other. He had an inkling that might be a screen capture from their reaction to Matilda. He watched that one first. 
The video began and he realized he was suddenly nervous. Maybe he shouldn’t watch a fan reaction first. He didn’t want to disappoint. But it was too late, the ads had played and he was already invested in the group on the screen.
“Guys look, my record arrived.” One of the girls said pulling the record from the shipping box. There was an intake of breath from the other two and they seemed to marvel at the record.
“Why is he so beautiful?” That comment made him giggle. Giggle? Did I really just giggle at that?
“Shut the fuck up. Did he just do a little scat mid-song? I love this man.” 
“He just whispered in our ears. Play it back, Kelsey, play it back.”
“Cocaine?? Harry, I thought this was a family show?” “This was not about a little freak. What the fuck?”
Matilda, like he expected, had no talking. Just silent cries and hugs.
“There’s no way he went from Matilda to talking about sex.”
The video progressed and the three girls were reacting positively to all of the moments in the songs that he was a little self-conscious about. The next recommendation was titled ‘Is Harry’s House Worth the Hype? (yes, it is)’ and so he had to click it
This next video started out with a girl sitting in what looked like a recording studio. Surprised, Harry focused more on the background than the intro but quickly rewound the video seeing as he had no clue what the girl said. He shifted his focus to the face in front of him, taking in her features while he listened to her talk. Now that he was actually paying attention, he noticed that she was wearing an oversized sweatshirt that said ‘NYU School of Music’ which made the recording studio make sense.
“Hey guys, welcome back to Are You Listening? I’m your one and only host y/n and today I’ll be reacting to Harry Styles’ new album Harry’s House!” The girl smiled and waved to the camera with her free hand while holding her phone in the other. 
This reaction made him more nervous than the one he watched previously because it felt so much more… intimidating? Maybe it was the fact he could see the recording booth behind her and it reminded him of the hours upon hours he’d spent in a booth trying to perfect every minute detail possible, or maybe it was that she was wearing an NYU sweatshirt dedicated to the music school and music students scared him. Affectionately (most of the time).
“So I have a little cheat sheet of who worked on the songs,” she held up the little red pamphlet that came with the box sets, so maybe she is a fan, Harry thought. “I took a look at the names before recording and I’m already excited just by the people who worked on this album. There are some really great songwriters, producers, and musicians on this album.”
A warm fuzzy feeling flowed through Harry, not due to the girl on the screen, though she was cute, but the fact that she appreciated who worked on the album with him. There’s the saying “it takes a village to raise a baby” and the same thing with this album. His baby. He put so much love into it and invited people he knew would also put that same amount of love into the creation. It means a lot to him that people are recognizing who else put hard work into Harry’s House. 
“This is Music for a Sushi Restaurant!” The girl on the screen picked up headphones from off camera and placed them on her head hitting play as she did so. The intro started playing and she was already bouncing her head to the tune. Promising. 
“His voice sounds different. But in a good way”
After the song ended she brought her hands up to her lips in the classic ‘chef’s kiss’ gesture and then said, “Fantastic opening. Harry, you’re an amazing artist but Mitch Rowland was ripping on that.” Harry had to agree. Mitch was on another level when it came to his musical abilities which is why Harry always pointed him out and made a show of him during concerts. Every concert he made it a goal to show off at least one band member. But Mitch was someone he also liked bothering.
“Okay! I don’t want to talk too much so let’s move to Late Night Talking. I heard his Coachella performance of this one but I’m excited to listen to the studio version. Let’s go!” 
“So far he’s a little more understated. Not in the sense of beat and melody but his singing. In Fine Line - the album - if I remember correctly his vocals were typically in the higher range but so far it’s in his lower-mids. Which I really like.” Obviously she knew her stuff, but Harry was still surprised at how she remembered Fine Line off the top of her head. Maybe she listened to it before recording this? He wondered.
“Harry whisper-counting in my ear oh my gosh.” y/n brought her hands to her face and covered it completely, when she removed them there was the smallest addition of color on her face.
“The production is so organic. You can feel the production is so unabashedly what felt right. Just within these three songs. They weren’t trying to push anything and it flowed really nicely. I think Grapejuice is my favorite so far. Those synths speak to my soul.”
“I’ve noticed that when people do the understated vocals the melodies can sometimes get lost, but I’ve already got the melody stuck in my head. We love to see that… hear that? I’ve already done a full breakdown of As it Was so I’m just going to listen again and not talk much about it. I’ll link that video right here” - she pointed to the bottom of the screen.
She went on listening and dissecting the rest of the album, some of Harry’s favorite comments were:
 “Oh my gosh, the harmonics.”
“The upper range! There it is!”
“This was way more emotional. When it got to the bridge and the compressed piano came in, man that’s kind of when the tone shifts. Lyrically wise. The Found Family.”
“Okay, B-Side here we go! Cinema. Very British”
“This seems more like Little Freak. That ending! Very bold”
“I think it would be so easy for him to put out these very pop-genre hits both production and lyrically, just from the position he came from. But he’s not doing that and we’re all just like ‘yes, please more of this’ I’m excited to see what he has in store for us.”
The reaction was over and y/n just sat and stared at the camera for a few moments before she spoke again. “All in all, yes. This deserves the hype it’s getting. I would talk more about chord progression, the various melodies, and more, but this video is already long and I don’t know how I’m going to edit it down.” 
She ran her hands over her face and leaned forward allowing her elbows to sit on her knees, hands holding up her face and smiled. 
“Remember that my first album was released a couple weeks ago and is available on most music streaming services! Thursday’s are basic music theory videos and Monday’s are my weekly school vlogs… when I have time. Thank you all so much for watching! Leave a comment below and tell me which is your favorite song from the album. Mine or Harry’s” y/n made a sidelong glance at the camera tapping the side of her nose.
Harry liked this girl and her taste in music didn’t hurt either. He decided that it was only fair to listen to her album after she listened to his.
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faithfulpuppy · 2 years ago
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Serious Thoughts About Jod (Nona spoilers)
Alright fine. I don’t really want Jod discourse to be the focal point of my locked tomb experience but since at least one person cares enough about what I think post-Nona to send me anons, I’ve collected my thoughts here. [Keep in mind that I was raised an atheist so I don’t have either happy religious context or religious trauma context for this series, and I’m aware that because of that I’m missing nuances. We’re all just going to have to live with that.]
Apologies in advance that this is a long one. Nobody’s under any obligation to read any of it. Saying that, I’m not going to be engaging with comments about or by: anyone who clearly didn’t read this post properly; viewpoints that are already set in stone; anyone who thinks that John is incapable of telling the truth in any way or form; the baby finger flower crown. Save your energy.
Alright: have my feelings about John changed since reading Nona? Well, not a huge amount. Bear with me. When I made a controversial shitpost outlining my enjoyment of John as a character, I wasn’t trying to make out that he was blameless or even a good guy. I said "I have to face the fact he might be a bad guy" which apparently did not land as a joke, my bad; however I do see a distinction between ‘bad guy for the sake of evil muahaha’ and ‘bad guy with sympathetic or understandable reasons’. Is John a bad guy? Yes, obviously he’s one of the villains in this story. But it’s not that simple. Casting it as black and white feels like a disservice to Tamsyn Muir’s writing.
My read of Jod’s story during Nona is the tragic fall of a good person to evil. [I’m taking his account to Alecto/Harrow as fact, because I feel that it was very deliberately set in a dream in order to let him speak freely and honestly.] Jod starts out as just some biologist in New Zealand trying to save the planet and as much of humanity as he can ("Nobody knowingly left behind"). That’s one point for Good Guy. Pretty much everything he does from there to the fall is a logical step, at least on some level. Should he have done some things differently? 100%. But I don’t think at any point leading up to the Resurrection he truly made a decision in the spirit of evil. (Later, yep, evil things were done. But I'm looking at the period from cryo project to Resurrection era specifically.)
Let’s take things one at a time. 1) John Gets Granted The Power Of Necromancy. None of this would have happened if he’d walked away from necromancy there and then: the billionaires would have left with no warning, humanity would have burned itself out or not… who’s to say? But could he have walked away? If he had tried to ignore it, would he still have been able to sense death? I’m not sure that was a possibility once the power was in him. He felt that he could use it to fix what was wrong, he was planning to use it for good. He started going a bit mad pretty much immediately, and that makes sense. The huge shock of the project getting shut down and then the utter strangeness of being able to sense the bodies. I think I’d start to go a bit strange too.
2) They Stream The Necromancy. Lots of people came to see John for miracles and he cured everything he could (+1 good guy point). It was the nun/Cristabel who told him he had to limit it or charge for it or whatever. (I wonder how differently would things have turned out if he had continued to spend 20 hours a day curing fibro and cancer?) She said it would bring the heat down if he kept doing it, but it was a bit late by then, wasn't it? The government asked them to come in, as they’d been dreading. Should they have given themselves up? It didn’t seem like anyone else had the means to save the planet. I don’t think it was wrong to resist. They would have arrested his friends and put him in a lab underground to study. I don’t think it’s wrong to try and avoid that. Any genuine hero would.
3) Magical Inside-Out Animal-Shield Man. This one is always going to cause arguments. Do I like that he built a wall out of animals? No. Do I think it was evil? Also no. As he points out, it was quicker and more painless than slaughter for eating, and since a lot of them were destined for eating and I’m not vegetarian I can’t really fault that. I understand that any vegans reading this series are going to be pretty unmovable on this specific point. I respect that. It would definitely be bad guy points if he was nasty about it, but he was ashamed and acknowledged that it sucked. I think "extenuating circumstances" is a fair defence here. [It drives me kind of nuts that people reading this series use ‘cows have best friends’ as serious condemnation. You’re agreeing with the scumbag billionaires, guys!]
4) They Realise The Billionaires Are Running. In all honesty everyone got a little too obsessed with this. It sucked that they were going to take the ships that were supposed to be used for cryo, but aside from that, so? Good riddance, right? I think it was something for them to focus on when they didn’t know what else to do. They all seemed to conflate stopping the ships from leaving with fixing things. Cassiopeia asked if they should be focusing on the ships when they could be focusing on saving the planet instead, but nobody listened to her. It was Pyrrha who told John to ‘be a bad wizard’! Honestly I feel like most of the bad decisions John made were under peer pressure from his friends.
5) John Agrees to Puppet A World Leader. Mostly he did it because they offered so much money, and that sounds like bad guy points but they were out of options for saving the planet without money. When he realised it was – the president of the US or something – he didn’t want to do it but the others pushed him to keep going. And he didn’t want the nuke (+1 good guy points)! That’s very important. Mercy and Augustine pressured him into that too (premeditated).
6) John Kills A Bunch Of People. Okay, this one seems like it should be easy bad guy points, but I hesitate. He finally sees something that might be The Soul when those five people die outside the dome and describes it as crack cocaine, or what he imagines crack cocaine would be like. I’ve never done cocaine, but from what I understand about it I’m not sure I can entirely hold John responsible for what he did next. Yes, killing all those people was Bad and Wrong and Murder and Illegal and any number of other synonyms – but he was high. He was like a shark in a blood frenzy. He was not in control of his senses. That doesn’t make the killing less wrong, but was it something he chose to do? Not… exactly? He admits that it wasn’t an accident but if we’re going to hold him fully responsible for that we have to condemn every coke addict for their actions while high as if they were sober and in their right minds. (I’m sure some of you will. Drugs and addiction are a mental health issue. Those people need rehab, not prison time.) John is very sick by this stage.
7) They Spook The Trillionaires. Talking to the government sends the FTL crew into a rush to get out. John’s team, especially Mercy, desperately want to stop them, I think so they can use the same ships to get everyone out in cryo instead? (Meanwhile the only thing John really cares about is working out the missing link between alive and dead. He’s consumed by needing to understand necromancy. I think I would be too, to be fair. Can you imagine being given awesome and terrible power that nobody else has ever had and being expected to focus on anything else?) Anyway that’s when they decide to use the nuke as a threat (+1 bad guy points, but not entirely his idea). He still doesn’t want to use it, but he arms it without telling the others (+1 bad guy points, though I think it’s a little unfair of the others to be mad when they forced him to have it in the first place). At this point John threatens nuclear war through his Leader Puppet (+1 bad guy points), which the others really are mad about (fair). I don’t know if he still thinks he is saving the world at this point. Cassiopeia doesn’t think so. He’s become an environmental terrorist.
8) Necromancy Cultists Change Their Minds And Take Hostages. Let’s tally up problems. G1deon-with-nuke is sniper bait in Australia while John tries to negotiate. He has his puppet’s finger hovering over the button on the really big nukes. It’s mere hours until the ships launch. The cultists are threatening to gun them all down. What do you do in this situation? The right answer is obviously don’t nuke anyone – but then the ships escape and you probably all die by cultist unless you’re willing to remotely murder them (and John says that he didn’t because he was proving a point, not because it’s morally wrong at this stage (+1 bad guy points?). I’d say let the stupid ships go, once they’re gone you can use the money they left behind to build more, right? But the ships aren’t taking all the politicians who still want to arrest John and co, so it doesn’t really solve his problem. John’s biggest fear at this point was that he’d lost his friends. That’s important, remember that for later. He offers to give himself up to save the hostages (+1 good guy points?) and the others won’t let him so he sends skeletons instead and that’s when the cultists manage to break into the facility. He wants to kill everyone nearby so he has space to think (+1 bad guy points) but doesn’t (+1 good guy points?). Ironically it probably would all have worked out a lot better if he’d just accepted the cost and killed the cultists so he could focus on all the negotiations and maybe find a solution (or at least enough presence of mind to think ‘what the fuck’ and back down from the nukes).
9) Cristabel Kills Herself. John thought she was there to kill him and he was going to let her. Instead she shot herself to try to help him find The Soul and it worked. He found the key to the soul, but he also found Alecto. He couldn’t hear anything over the sound of her screaming. All he had wanted from the beginning was to save the planet and he could suddenly see her soul and how much pain she was in. From this point on (until the end of his account) I don’t think John really made any decisions, per se. This next part is written like a dream within a dream. There was gunfire inside the facility and everyone was dying – he could probably have caught their souls and put them back in, but what would the point have been if they’d just immediately get shot again? I don’t even know if he could have when all he could hear was Alecto. So he set off all the nukes because he couldn’t concentrate on everything anymore (+1 big bad guy points) and everyone else died. He killed as many as he could before the nukes got to them, painlessly like the cows (+1 good guy points?). He was still obsessed with stopping the ships. I don’t even think it was his own obsession at this point. It was the last human thing he had to cling to, the memory of fear and anger that the ships were abandoning everyone.
I don’t think this can be compared to anything real. Nobody has ever faced something like this. I can’t say what I would have done in his position because I have never had to deal with the pain and fear and noise of a whole planet screaming in my ears while staggering with godlike magical power. Neither have you. You can’t say you would have done better.
10) John Eats Alecto. Again, the cocaine hit. Again, the blood frenzy. Once he started eating souls he couldn’t stop. That’s bad guy points, but almost by proxy. He wasn’t in control. He was barely human. He wanted Alecto to take him but she didn’t, so he took her instead. He wanted her to stop being in pain. He went about it badly. He should have left her to scream herself out and then lick her wounds and recover. But I don’t think stopping was an option for him, by that point. I think he’d have had to kill himself to avoid the pain of her screams and I’m sure a lot of people think he definitely should have, but I’m not into encouraging people to commit suicide even if they’re a bad person, so. [Everyone’s obsessed with him making her look like Barbie and how yuck that is, but he also says he tried to make her look like a Renaissance angel. I think he was trying to be respectful to her by conjuring the best image of beauty he could in the midst of madness and panic. Based on the way she ‘kisses’ Harrow later I don’t think there’s anything remotely sexual between them or even romantic, so I don’t think it’s that weird to try to make her beautiful.] Anyway he can’t reach the ships so he also eats the sun and the other planets (+1 bad guy points but Alecto’s just as keen as him so only half blame) and then he does his best to kill everyone on the ships (+1 bad guy points) but mostly fails as they’ve already hit FTL. He should have given up on the billionaires, at least later after he’d had time to calm down and get used to sharing two bodies with Alecto. He should have just let them go. But of course it’s not just his anger, he’s sharing Alecto’s pain and betrayal toward them. He might not be able to stop hating them as long as she’s alive.
11) The Resurrection. It’s good guy points that he brings people back, but bad guy points that he’s choosy about it. He should have resurrected everyone and let them start over since he was wiping memories anyway. I understand why he wiped the memories. In general, how could he try to build a better world if everyone was clinging to the past? It doesn’t make it right, but I see the logic. Regarding his friends specifically, partly it’s that fear from earlier that he’d lose them because of what he did, but partly it’s also pity. Mercy and Augustine in particular, but all of them, share responsibility for what happened. They pushed him to keep going. They developed the obsession with the ships. They got him the nukes. He didn’t want them to carry the same guilt. I’m not saying it was right to wipe their memories. But I understand it. Some people think he doesn’t care about the people around him, but I think John cares too much. He’s willing to do very bad things because he cares too much about his loved ones. It’s bordering on obsession which is toxic, but it was born from real love. (Why did he change their names? Did he even change them? I don’t know. That’s one of the missing pieces. I don’t feel a need to speculate on it at this stage.)
He knew the RBs were coming and didn’t tell his Lyctors initially (+1 bad guy points, buuuut he hasn’t explained why). Or that he couldn’t be killed by them. Why does he run from them? Send his favourite companions to die? I hope we’ll find out.
He let his friends get the Lyctoral process wrong (+1 bad guy points) and kill their other halves – I’ve seen a theory that it’s because he was jealous of Mercy, Augustine, G1deon, Cassiopeia loving anyone else, but he seemed to love Pyrrha so much too. Maybe that’s why she’s the one that kind of survived.
He tried to build a society that was better than the one he left behind – no cars, no nuclear, no homophobia, no internet – and in some ways he probably succeeded (good guy points?). It’s an imperialist society (I think fascist is a stretch – it’s not very different to most conquering nations in earth’s history and to call them all fascist because they wanted to expand just seems kind of pointless) and the Cohort stuff is bad – child soldiers are big bad guy points – but a lot of that was G1deon and Pyrrha (John obviously has final say on everything but I’m saying it wasn’t necessarily his idea). The people living in the Houses seem reasonably happy, at least outside the Eighth and Ninth Houses. [I don’t think ‘he’s the leader of a death cult’ is reasonable grounds to condemn – I don’t think necromancy is inherently evil, in general, compared to a lot of other kinds of magic. That’s a wholeass conversation on its own, though.]
He locked Alecto away (+1 bad guy points) because he was afraid she was a vulnerability (and because the others kept begging him to kill her because she’s a ‘monster’). This is honestly one of his worst moments for me because it’s a definite Bad Choice he made with time to think it through and consider his options. I could argue that he was protecting her because Harrow says "You’re afraid of so many things, but she’s only afraid to die" and maybe it was a kindness to put her to sleep where she was safe – but he didn’t do it to alleviate her fear, he did it to protect himself. No moral high ground there.
He can’t let go of his need to punish the billionaires/BoE (+1 bad guy points, though as I’ve discussed I’m not sure that’s all him) – funnily enough wiping the memories really screws himself over in this case, as he tells Augustine the man he was before the Resurrection would have been disgusted at the idea of letting them go and it’s probably true. Billionaires/BoE are undeniably bad guys too (discussion for another post) but that doesn’t mean it’s good guy points to keep going after them.
There’s a ‘discrepancy’ in the numbers of souls Resurrected which is a puzzle I’m hoping will be solved in AtN – I have no idea what’s going on there so I’m not counting it as good or bad right now.
He thinks about killing everyone and starting over again with another Resurrection (+1 bad guy points). I almost wonder if he’s done it before. Ten thousand years is such a long time. He’s so calm and thoughtful about it and that’s horrifying. John is thoroughly insane. Grief, guilt, sharing Alecto’s soul, and the sheer weight of time have stripped away his humanity. He was barely human when he merged with Alecto and he is something else entirely by now. Once again I don’t think it’s useful to compare to real-life scenarios. There has never been and never will be anyone like him. We cannot comprehend what the inside of his head is like. I think it must be awful to be him. He’s insane and he’s alone and he’s very traumatized and I think the only remotely human emotions he has left are the fear that his friends will leave him and the anger that the billionaires abandoned earth. He completely falls apart after he loses Mercy and Augustine and G1deon – yeah yeah, he deserved it in the end blah blah- but isn’t that sad? Fear and anger and terrible numbness for ten thousand years. I pity him. I pity those he’s hurt too, but those feelings can co-exist.
[I don’t know what’s going on with him and Gideon/Kiriona. I do think he was genuinely pleased and excited to find out he had a child, but the timing bombed. I don’t know why he didn’t Resurrect her properly (can he even still do that with Alecto locked away?). I don’t know why he changed her name. The situation is not a good look. +1 bad guy points.]
John is absolutely a villain as the series stands, but I don’t think he started out with selfish or evil intentions. His story is the perfect example of ‘you either die, or live long enough to become the villain’. It’s a classic trope in fantasy. He knows that he was awful and calls what he did 'a damned thing' - he cries, he rages, he carries so much regret and guilt for it: that says tragic fall to me. Another thing that strikes me: I live with a lot of mental illnesses and to me this is the story of someone who is very unwell. Tamsyn Muir has been reasonably open about her own struggles with mental illness; so much of this series is about mental illness in various forms. I think that’s an important lens to view John’s story through. He’s a wretched character and it doesn’t excuse the sins he’s committed and continues to commit, but I think it certainly explains them. I think he made more mistakes than evil choices. I can condemn some of his actions and the way he lives now, but I feel pity too. He wanted to save the world and nobody listened to him and everyone vilified him and he was living with the burden of necromancy and he was racing against the clock and he snapped and I think that’s realistic. It doesn’t make him right but it makes him human and very very sad.
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babyboibucky · 3 years ago
Text
The Match - Part 10
Pairing: CEO!Bucky x Fem!Reader
Summary: Sam helps you out in planning for the launch while Bucky is away.
Word Count: 4.2k (woopsies)
Warnings: SMUT is back, angry unprotected sex, spitting, a tiny hint at scratching and choking, some hurtful words thrown in yada yada yada, kinda intense asjkcackansk
A/N: STRAP THE FUCK IN BECAUSE WE BOUTTA RIDE A DAMN ROLLERCOASTER OMG I’m nervous for this because I found this part very intense while writing it. And I hope it comes across as that to y’all as well because my fingers ached from how hard I was typing this part lmfao. Team Bucky vs Team Reader/Team Sam here we goooo sksksk enjoy
The Match Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST
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You didn't accept Sam's invitation to connect in LinkedIn. Not yet. But it did give you several ideas, like maybe submitting a resignation letter? Get away from Bucky and his toxic ass? He has Mackenzie now, he can easily have her take over your position anyway.
However, you were also torn because you loved your job at Bucky's company. It paved way for you to improve your skills and you experienced a lot of growth too. And well, Bucky's there too but god, you hated him right now. As much as you wanted to wave the white flag, you didn't feel like it was the right thing to do.
You wanted Bucky to learn that not everything he wants, he can easily get. And Mark was right, that you weren't just a trophy employee or whatever. You were so much more than what Bucky probably thinks of you.
And you were going to prove him that.
-
"Hey, Bev. Can you ring up your boss for me? Tell him I want to go over some of the plans I made for the launch before I discuss it with Mackenzie tomorrow." you asked.
Beverly was about to lift the phone up when an unexpected visitor arrived. None other than Sam Wilson himself.
"I didn't mean to eavesdrop but did I hear you correctly? You've already made some plans for the launch?" he asked with interest.
You chuckled, "Sort of. Well, it's a rough draft of my ideas. I just thought it would be nice to get a headstart." you admitted.
Sam nodded and was about to say something when Bucky stepped out of his office, his brows furrowing upon seeing you and Sam conversing. Bucky eyed you before glancing over at Sam, patting his shoulder gently as a greeting.
"You checking up on us or what?" Bucky teased with a chuckle.
Sam shook his head, "Not really. Well, kinda. I figured that another presentation would be unnecessary, I mean. I'd love to work on the launch with your team instead of being on the sidelines for approvals." he admitted.
You shrugged, "I think that's a great idea too. Less time to waste, less back and forth." you pitched in.
Bucky frowned a bit, his jaw clenching at how you backed up Sam immediately. "That's fine, but I have a meeting in a few. Might last the entire day. Mackenzie won't be here until tomorrow too." he said.
"She and I can discuss her plans today and maybe I can pitch in some of my ideas too. She can present them tomorrow to you and Kenzie." Sam suggested, gesturing over to you.
Bucky stared at you and Sam alternately, his hands balling into fists at his sides. You could see his internal struggle about leaving you and Sam to discuss about the launch, without his presence.
You lifted up the folder in your hand, "I wanted to go over these plans with you but I didn't know you have a meeting. Sam and I can just refine these today, would save us a lot of time. We don't want to be rushing anything for this project at the last minute." you told him.
Bucky swallowed but nodded anyway, albeit with hesitation, "Yeah. Of course. I'll just catch up on the both of you later."
And with that, Bucky walked away but not without sparing you and Sam one final glance. His eyes met yours for a brief moment and you weren't sure, but you saw a flash of worry in his eyes before it was immediately replaced by his usual stern, ice-cold gaze.
You turned to Sam with a smile, "We can discuss in the conference room." you said and led the way.
-
The planning was seamless and you were surprised that you had so much fun exchanging ideas with Sam, to the point of almost forgetting about lunch break. It was quarter past noon when the both of you realized that it was way past lunch time.
"Do you want to grab lunch or order something instead? I honestly hate working lunch, just so you know." Sam said with a laugh.
You groaned, "I hate that too, honestly." you admitted with a chuckle.
Sam nodded, "Great, we can head out for a quick lunch?" he asked.
It didn't even cross your mind to hesitate, so you immediately agreed and even asked if you can take Beverly with you. You'd grown somewhat attached to her in the short time you've known her. Poor kid was being treated like an outcast by the other office girls. She always waited for you to have your lunch break too, especially that Mark has been pretty busy lately.
Sam was kind enough to agree about including Beverly for lunch. The two of you were about to head out of the conference room when Beverly peeked in, worry etched all over her face.
"I need your help." she whined, "I think I messed up Sir James' schedule. Mister Nakajima is on the phone and said that he's going to be an hour late for a meeting today. I forgot about Sir James’ meeting with another company today!" she explained, almost close to tears.
You rushed over to her and held her shoulders, "Hey, calm down. Did you tell Mister Nakajima?" you asked.
"I did and he got mad at me! Today is his only free day and he said that if he doesn't meet up with Sir James, the deal is off." Beverly said, stomping her foot on the ground.
You heaved out a sigh, knowing that the deal was very important. Mister Nakajima owned an auto manufacturing company which produces world-class materials for cars. Bucky had been working on convincing Mister Nakajima to be his permanent supplier for quite a while now. Big fucking deal.
You looked back at Sam, "Hey, I'm sorry. Can you give me a couple of minutes?" you asked with an apologetic expression.
"Take your time." Sam nodded with a smile.
You went over to Beverly's desk and took over the phone call, without knowing that Sam trailed behind you. He watched you carefully as you talked to Mister Nakajima, your demeanor calm yet confident.
"Hi, Mister Nakajima. I'm the company's Marketing Head and I would like to apologize for the mix up. Bucky has been working really hard on improving the quality of our products, he's been in meetings in and out. That being said, would it be alright if I take over this afternoon's meeting instead? Bucky worked on an amazing presentation and I honestly would love to go over it with you and just show you how this partnership would be beneficial for both our companies." you asked.
Fortunately, you were able to appease Mister Nakajima while also saving Beverly's ass for her honest mistake. As soon as the call was done, you reassured Beverly that everything was fine now and that you'll take care of Bucky. By the time you looked back at Sam, he was merely smiling at you.
"You're really good with people."
-
Lunch break passed by quickly, with you, Sam and Beverly engaging in all sorts of conversations. Even Beverly felt comfortable being around his presence. He mainly talked about his experiences at his first job, giving Beverly a couple of tips on how to navigate through the corporate world.
Sam was very kind.
The planning resumed after lunch and by the time Mister Nakajima and his associates arrived, the launch plan was pretty much refined with a lot of details. Sam excused himself to give you time to meet with Mister Nakajima, however, he said he'll be staying until Bucky comes back.
Presenting to Mister Nakajima made you nervous as fuck, especially that he didn't really work closely with you which might affect his decision. Luckily though, you knew Bucky's presentation like the back of your hand due to the fact that he had gone over it with you for a couple of times back when the two of you were still, well, fucking around.
Ah, the good old days.
The meeting with Mister Nakajima went perfectly well because as soon as you were done with the presentation, the old man simply asked for the contract to seal the deal. Although it wasn't you who actually worked on the deck, you had a sense of fulfillment. You were proud of yourself and you couldn't wait to dangle it right in front of Bucky's face.
"Thank you so much, Mister Nakajima. We are excited for this partnership." you said happily as you led him and his associates out of the conference room, just as when Bucky arrived.
He looked confused when Mister Nakajima greeted him happily, shaking his hand and telling him how good his presentation was. Bucky looked over at you, as if asking what the hell was going on. You merely shrugged and headed back inside the conference with Sam.
Bucky followed shortly and for some reason, he looked agitated. He was about to speak up when Sam beat him to it, giving him a hard pat on the back.
"The launch event is gonna be really good." he said confidently before glancing at you.
"You're lucky to have her, Bucky." he said before bidding goodbye, giving you one last look and a wink as well, something that Bucky immediately noticed.
When Sam left, so did the light atmosphere inside the conference room. Bucky turned to you with a scowl, his footsteps rushed and heavy as he approached you.
"What the hell happened with Mister Nakajima?" he asked gruffly.
You smiled as you handed him an envelope, "The partnership is a go. He signed the contract and his team will be keeping in contact with us and our factory soon." you explained proudly.
Bucky took the envelope from your hand and went through the contract before placing it back on the table. "I thought my meeting with him isn't until Friday."
"Beverly mixed up your schedule and before you even reprimand her, give the girl a break. It's her first job and with the amount of meetings you've been having, mix-ups are inevitable. What matters now is that I took over the presentation and Mister Nakajima signed the contract." you explained with nonchalance.
Bucky shook his head, "The end does not justify the means." he said. "Beverly should have been careful. My schedule is not a joke and if I miss another important meeting, that can fuck up the entire company."
You rolled your eyes, "Calm down, Beverly surely learned from today's mistake. It's done. The deal is on. Everything is peachy. The launch details have been planned out, Sam is happy with it. All I have to do is to secure your and Mackenzie's approval for it and then we can start with the execution. You're welcome." you said all in one breath, handing Bucky a USB containing the details of the launch.
You brushed past Bucky to leave the conference room but you were immediately pulled back with his hand around your arm. He looked down at you with an angry look on his face, almost fuming. You couldn't understand why the fuck he was so aggravated with you today. Sure, he had been testing your patience lately but it was the first time he actually looked like he was going to snap.
Not at the situation, but at you.
"Are you trying to impress Sam? Taking on my responsibilities while he's around?" he asked, eyes narrowing at you.
You scoffed, unable to believe what Bucky was accusing you of. Pulling your arm back, you took a step back and looked at him with disgust. "You're unbelievable, Bucky." you said.
"Had I not stepped in, we would have lost the deal. You promoted me for a reason, and I believe part of it is my leadership skills. And no, I'm not trying to impress Sam. I'm simply doing my fucking job." you hissed and tried to side step Bucky, only for him to block your way.
"Did he offer you a position in his company? What the fuck was the wink all about?" Bucky accused yet again.
"Oh my god, Bucky! You're blowing things out of proportion. He didn't. We talked about the event. That's it." you explained, pinching the bridge of your nose because Bucky was getting on your very last nerve.
Bucky had been fucking with you too much now and you could feel the last bits of your composure slowly slip away with every word that was coming out of his mouth. Coming for your job was one thing, but accusing you of flirting your way to another company? That was a low blow.
"Don't lie to me, I saw the notification on your phone the other day. Seems to me like Tinder matches don't work for you anymore, you moved on to LinkedIn now to find connections instead?" he asked and that particular statement struck a certain nerve.
You let out a bitter scoff, "Do you even hear yourself, Bucky? At least Sam was being professional and didn't use Tinder to hire a fucking consultant to threaten my damn job!" you slipped, unable to hold back.
The look on Bucky's face was a whirlwind of emotions-- shock, wrath, exhaustion-- and you felt like you were supposed to get scared. Gone were the blue orbs that used to make you feel safe, his eyes only held anger in them. And the thing was, your eyes looked the same as you held Bucky's gaze.
You were so fucking tired of everything, of Bucky.
"How did you-- it doesn't matter." Bucky said, shaking his head. "How much did Sam offer you?" he asked.
Your jaw dropped at the implication of Bucky's statement, "You are a fucking asshole, Bucky. Sam didn't offer me a fucking job. You really don't listen, Bucky. You never listen." you huffed out exasperatedly.
"Okay, maybe he hasn't laid down his offer yet. Perhaps, you let him fuck you too?"
Your vision blacked out upon hearing that and by the time you regained your senses, all you could feel was how your palm stung. You had walked up to Bucky and slapped him right across the face, hard enough to make the corner of his bottom lip bleed. Your entire body was trembling from rage as you stood in front of Bucky.
He tilted his head as he wiped the blood off from his lip, looking up at you with lust-filled eyes. And then his hand gripped your neck, tugging you close for a bruising kiss. You grunted against his mouth and pushed him away, slapping him again. Before Bucky could even recover, your fingers wrapped around his tie pulling him down to you for another kiss.
Walls crumbled down, tension was broken and needs were being fulfilled. The rush of emotions blurred the line between fury and lust with the latter obviously winning. All you could think about was the throb that you suddenly felt within your core begging for relief.
Relief that was denied from you for the past few weeks of playing cat and mouse with Bucky.
And with the way Bucky was kissing you, you knew he felt the same. It had been too long and both your minds were too hazy to even care that it was only five in the afternoon and that there were employees working just outside the conference room.
Was the fear of getting caught going to stop you? No, not now. Because you needed release and you were sure as hell going to get it. This wasn't like the other times you and Bucky fucked. You didn't care about Bucky at the moment, how he felt or what was going on in his mind. You just needed to release all your pent up emotions and you were going to use Bucky to get what you need.
Bucky pushed you against the table, your tailbone hitting the edge with such force that made you groan from pain.
"Yeah, why don't you make some noise so everyone can see how fucking needy you are for me?" Bucky growled, gripping your face with one hand, forcing you to keep your eyes on him as his other hand bunched your skirt up to your waist.
You let out a chuckle, "I'm not the one going to make noise here." you warned before reaching down to palm his erection.
Bucky hissed and bit his lip hard to prevent himself from eliciting a moan. His jaw ticked as he squeezed your face tighter, forcing you to open your mouth as his eyes scanned your features.
"Watch your fucking mouth, baby. I still own you, you're fucking mine." he said through gritted teeth, his eyes lidded as he looked down at you like a predator.
You kept your mouth closed but as soon as Bucky's fingers found your damp panties, you weren't able to stop your whimper. Bucky took the opportunity and spit in your mouth before crashing his lips against yours in a messy kiss. It was all tongue and spit, the way he kissed you as his fingers rubbed at your folds through the thin fabric of your underwear.
He kissed you like he owned you.
"I'm not yours, Bucky." you said as your hands quickly unbuckled his belt, unzipping his trousers and pulling out his hard cock from the confines of his boxers.
The groan that reverberated from Bucky's chest as you stroked him made you smirk. His hand on your face slid down to your neck, holding you tightly as he pushed aside your underwear and then he slid into you with no prior warning. The lack of foreplay made it hurt when he bottomed out, but the pain quickly turned into pleasure when Bucky started moving his hips against yours.
No words were further exchanged from then on. Only soft whimpers and hushed grunts could be heard. However, it was clear that even up until now, there was competition. You didn't want to make noise, didn't want to lose to Bucky. You didn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing how fucking good he was making you feel right now, with how each drag of his cock was making your toes curl inside your heels.
Your hands held onto his broad shoulders as he fucked you against the table, the fabric of his suit bunching up against your fingers. Bucky kept his gaze on you and not once did you falter, not even when the tip of his cock hit your cervix, almost punching the air out of your lungs.
Bucky held the back of your thighs and lifted you up, sitting you on the edge of the table and bending forward so he could angle his cock in a way that you would feel it deep within you. Your legs automatically wrapped around his waist, one of your hands scratching at his jaw as he continued to pound your sopping cunt.
"God, fucking missed this pussy. Can feel you clamping down on my cock, you gonna cum soon?" he asked, pressing the tip of his nose against yours.
You clamped a hand over your mouth, muffling the wanton moan that Bucky pounded out of you. Not wanting to be the only one to make noise, you clenched around him hard. Bucky let out a growl at how your walls squeezed his cock, his balls tightening as his own orgasm approached.
"Cum for me, Bucky." you whimpered, tipping your head up to lick at Bucky's mouth as your legs tightened around his waist to pull him deeper into you.
Bucky exhaled heavily through his nose, the veins on his neck popping out as he fucked your harder on the table. He kept his hand wrapped around your neck while the other held onto your waist so tight, you could feel his fingers digging deep into your skin. Even with your clothes on, you were sure that you'll be getting bruises from how hard his grip on you was.
"Go on, Bucky. Want your cum inside, want to feel you fill me up again." you moaned against his parted lips, darting your tongue out to taste his mouth.
The needy tone of your voice sent Bucky to the edge first. He uttered a string of curses under his breath as ropes of his cum painted your walls with their warmth with triggered your orgasm. Your body convulsed as waves of pleasure ran through your veins, starting from your fingertips down to your toes. Bucky kissed you and swallowed your moans as his thrusts slowed down.
It took a while for the both of you to recover from the intense fucking. Bucky nuzzled your neck with his nose, his heavy breaths warming up your sweaty skin. There was a short moment of peace that followed, the tension gone and was replaced by a heavy feeling.
You swallowed hard and slowly regained your senses. The release cleared your mind and the memories of the heated exchange from earlier were quick to come back. Bucky's accusations echoed in your ear and they were so clear it almost felt like he was saying them to you again.
Suddenly, you doubted Bucky's intentions when he promoted you. Was he really impressed of your skills at work or was it because you let him fuck you?
"Get off of me." you said, pushing at Bucky's chest until he straightened up.
Ignoring the emptiness you felt when his cock slipped out of you, you hopped down from the table and started fixing yourself. In the many times you had slept with Bucky, it was the first time that you felt disgusted with yourself.
You turned your back to Bucky as you adjusted your underwear, pulling down your skirt and pressing your palms against the fabric to iron out the creases. Your breath was heavy as you processed what had just happened. And just like that, your reserve broke and the strong facade you had built crumbled down into pieces, leaving you vulnerable.
"Hey, are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Bucky suddenly asked when he heard your sniffing, the darkness in his features gone.
His eyes were back to blue and there was nothing but genuine concern when he saw the tears in your eyes. Bucky tried to approach you but you quickly backed away from him, your arms wrapping around yourself as protection.
"Did you hurt me?" you scoffed. "In more ways than one, Bucky." you quickly added, wiping away your tears hastily with the back of your hand.
You were about to walk out of the conference but decided that it was probably time for you to actually speak up about everything. How you felt for him and how much you hated him for coming at you like that.
"I was going to admit that I like you. I thought about it and figured that I was too proud and a bit selfish for not considering your feelings when I rejected you." you explained.
Bucky blinked in confusion, "What? When?"
You shrugged, "The day you brought in Mackenzie. And I was more hurt than mad that you did that. Because you knew how much this job means to me and you had used it against me. You basically took advantage of my weakness, for what? To get me to cave in? Even when I clearly told you how fucking scared I was of the consequences of whatever kind of relationship we have?" you huffed out.
You didn't allow Bucky to speak, not yet. Not until you were done making him understand why you had been so hell-bent on keeping things professional.
"I wasn't born into a rich family like you, Bucky. I had to work my way up to where I am. Unlike you, I have a family to support and if I lose this job, it's not only me who would suffer. And it won't be easy for me to find another one, not after the reputation I'd have once we get busted." you further explained.
"I told you about it so many times and I wish you listened. Because maybe we could've figured shit out. Or I don't know, maybe the fucking was too good and you only wanted me for that." you shrugged.
Bucky quickly shook his head, "No. God no, you're more than that."
You chuckled again, a fresh wave of tears flooding the corners of your eyes. "It most definitely felt like it when you accused me of fucking Sam."
"Fuck, I'm sorry. Let me explain, please? I didn't mean to, I was too--"
"No, Bucky. You didn't listen to me when I told you how I felt about us. Now you're going to know how it feels to not to get what you want." you sternly said before walking over to the door.
You turned back at Bucky and refused to let his expression get to you. He looked devastated, his eyes glassy from the tears he had been holding back, his lips parted as he finally realized what he had done.
"Expect my resignation letter by tomorrow. As soon as we're done with the launch, I'm out."
-
The Match Special Tags:
@marvelslag @weird-mumbling @propertyofpoeandbucky @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @mostly-marvel-musings @squishybabies @megzdoodle @suchababie @annathesillyfriend @xhollycowx @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @5-seconds-of-mendes @gogolucky13 @countonthesun @iloveshawnieboi​ @learisa @borikenlove @scarlet-natasha89
Everything Bucky Tag List:
@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes @im-squished @tcc-gizmachine @sipsteacasually @prettyintopeerpressure @weloveyasmin @est19xxshit @bloodhon3yx @dressed-in-prada @lizette50 @thatfangirl42 @sunflowerbunny2 @unmagically @okiegirl24 @sugarpunch-princess @enlyume @vvipgotbb @slimeyderp @lyoongx @just-deka @nobody-will @jaziona92 @elisebuitron @dpaccione @suvikamahes98blr @buckybarneshairpullingkink @earthtonav @x-judyjude-x @nani-kenobi @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @belladonnabarnes @iloveangstposts @weenersoldierr​ @asemistablehundredyearoldman @reidbuck @lizzarooni @girlfriday007​ @bonkywobble​ @lost-in-the-stars03​ @its-yasbxtch​ @whoth3hellisbucky​
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erodasfishtacos · 3 years ago
Text
Not Your Charity Case
prompt: Harry is a frat boy - who doesn’t need sympathy from anyone. He makes Y/N feel a sense of home when they’re together. But is Harry just like every stereotypical frat boy?
word count: 6.2k 
warnings: minor violence, language, deaf!harry, smutttt
other: when Harry is talking to Y/N or any other characters - it is to be noted that he is signing. When Y/N talks to Harry - she is also always signing
Let me know if you’d want to see anything else from this verse:)
+++
You were rushed - you really shouldn’t stop at the local coffee shop for a sugary, delicious mocha chip frappuccino.
Despite what people say, professors are much more lax and carefree in college.
It was about two weeks into the new semester, - your third here- and the seasons were changing - becoming autumn.
Chilled breezes, falling leaves, and vivid colors of nature made you happy.
When you arrive in line, there are two people ahead of you. A girl currently in front of the cashier and a tall male with a red and black flannel on behind her- typing away on his phone.
When she moves to the left, the broad man steps forward. His snapback facing backwards, brown curls dancing around his neck. You can’t help but notice how tall and lean he is, shoulders broad and straight.
You definitely haven’t seen him before on campus. You’d remember.
From what you can see, he shows the young girl behind the counter the screen of his phone without saying anything at all.
The raven-haired girl’s face pinches in annoyance. “We don’t accept orders like that. You need to tell me what you want.”
You’re a little surprised by both the rude cashier but also the man who doesn’t respond right away.
He attempts to show her his phone again but she shakes her head - annoyed.
You become interested in the situation when I watch him sign, a few gestures before pointing to his ears. In the most obvious form of saying “I can’t hear.”
The clueless girl gives him a blank look, “Listen, there’s a line. I don’t have time for this.”
You hoped you weren’t overstepping your boundaries when you slide up next to him, tapping him on his shoulder to get his attention.
It is a bit startling how gorgeous the boy is. He was tanned with bright green-eyes and a defined jawline that was currently clenched in frustration.
You sign, “What are you trying to order?”
He studies you for a second with hesitance before his long slim fingers begin to move, slowly as if he thinks you may be inexperienced in the form of language.
He replies, “Large coffee with a little cream and two sugars.”
You squeeze in front of him, “It is not only rude but illegal to not serve based on disabilities. Refusing an order from a deaf person isn’t moral or acceptable.”
The girl has enough decency to mumble an apology and turned bright pink, “Sorry, he doesn’t look deaf. “You roll your eyes - how can you tell that someone is deaf based on solely appearance? This girls a fucking idiot, you think.
You repeat his order to her, along with yours - sliding your debit card towards her and give her your name for the order.
The man trails behind you to the small waiting area. “Thank you,” he signs simply. You nod and return the pleasantry. The. hand him his steaming hot coffee.
“Thank you again. I’m going to be late to class, so I have to go,” he tells me, seeming a little out of place signing with a stranger.
“Go ahead, I’ll see you around.” It was the first time in a long time you’ve signed to anyone outside your family.
+++
Sipping your drink as you are only five minutes late and the class hasn’t even started yet. The man you just helped was sat in the back of the classroom, unloading his laptop.
With a little bravery, you wriggle your way through and plop into the wooden chair easily. Letting your backpack fall to the ground. Curly looks over at you with a frown, he signs, “Why are you sitting next to me?”
You blush, “I don’t know? Thought it’d be good to have someone to talk to.”
His hands are tense as he replies, “I’m not a charity case, so you can leave me alone.”
“Never said you were,” you huff when you tell him. Not appreciating how rude he was being. Signing had its own tones and expressions so to speak. For example, when someone is happy their signs and movements are different than when they’re sad or frustrated.
Harry seems to be the latter. You wrestle out your laptop to the PowerPoint that was going to be discussed today in class. You noticed Harry stared very intently at the professor to read his lips and expression.
You was surprised he didn’t have an interpreter with him but you’re sure he got special accommodations elsewhere. Even though that was absolutely none of your business.
His shoulders are tensed and he makes sure your arms don’t brush like you have cooties for the entire two hours. The nameless boy is up and out of his seat as soon as the professor shuts off the projector and turns on the lights - signaling class to be over.
Well fuck him then.
***
You don’t make the mistake to sit next him again. But that doesn’t mean you could ogle his strong muscular back and big hands.
It wasn’t your place to care but you felt twinges in your tummy when you noticed him struggling to keep up with the fast-speed class on certain days.
You were in the large, rustic library that smelled of old books and damp wallpaper. It was dead silent as people furiously studied or worked on papers due.
As you paced the shelves, you could not find the book you needed for your American Literature class. Fuck the Dewey Decimal System.
Part-time uni students probably just stuffed returned books in any open space they saw fit. But you need this book in particular, a discussion board post due by midnight and it was currently eight-thirty. They had ran out of copies at the on-campus bookstore.
After a valiant effort, you trudge up to the checkout counter. A little sign reads, “ring me if no ones here!”
You impatiently ring the silver bell. But no one comes. You give whoever is working a minute or two but nothing. Another ring it is.
Silence. No one. Of fucking course, luck is not on your side tonight.
You dramatically clunk your head onto the high counter top in front of you - groaning at the fact you may fail the assignment.
A tentative pat on your shoulder makes you snap your head up. To see the boy you’ve been constantly avoiding standing behind the checkout desk.
“Are you okay?” He asks. He had a name-tag on - Harry. He honestly looked a bit out of place. Harry appeared to be a frat boy. He was still had a boyish air about him but an intensity that was unmatchable.
He didn’t look like he would work in the library. He looked like...well he looked like he would be a beer pong referee or something.
You couldn’t see below his torso but he had a plain black snapback on and a vintage Elton John concert tee. A cross necklace dangling over the worn shirt.
You smile, embarrassed, but reply, “Just being dramatic. I can’t find a book and I was waiting here.”
There’s mirth in his eyes when he points to the bell,”Did you ring the bell?”
Your brows furrow, “I did.”
“Well I can’t hear it, I’m deaf,” he deadpans with a straight face and a dry sense of humor.
You roll your eyes, laughing nervously, “I didn’t know you were working!”
“What do you need?”
He helps you locate the book in two minutes flat before checking you out and you rushing home to finish the homework.
You felt bad ignoring your little sister’s FaceTime calls but you promised to call her back tomorrow. 
***
Though once again, you hadn’t interacted with Harry since last week - you constantly found yourself studying his stoic profile or fast moving fingers.
You would never befriend Harry because you feel bad for him - like he presumed. You enjoyed American Sign Language and it actually made you feel back at home.
You’re little sister was born completely deaf. She was much younger than you - eight years old. Fifteen years apart to be exact. You learned the language along with her and your parents.
When you were at home and your sister was there - you guys tried to only sign so she didn’t feel left out. So Harry felt like home - a little despite his completely off-putting demeanor. It made you a little bit more persistent than with any other frat boy.
***
The bulletin board in your advisor’s office caught your eyes. None of the little tabs ripped off in interest.
‘Student with ASL experience and above a 3.5 GPA needed for tutoring sessions - twice weekly. $16 dollars an hour.’
After your meeting, you tugged the little scrap of paper off and tuck it into your pocket. You couldn’t know for sure if it was Harry but you didn’t know of any other deaf students in the program.
You say ‘fuck it’ and type out an email to the advisor of academic affairs and accommodations to throw your hat in the ring.
***
You don’t hear back for three days - nearly forgetting about it in the mean time. Your eyes scan quickly over the email to grant you the position. They include contact information for no other than Harry Styles.
After psyching yourself out a little and a few paces across your kitchen tiles - you text him.
Hey! I’m your new assigned tutor. Would you like to set up a time and place? As well as what kind of help you’re looking for.
The reply text comes shortly after
Hello, thank you very much. I am just in need of hearing ears. I am deaf and have a hard time keeping up with the my professor. I have begun recording the lectures in hope that you can sign then to me.
Sure thing. That won’t be a problem!
I live in Alpha Sigma on 3rd street. I have my own room. I’d rather not have the tutoring session in public. However, if that makes you uncomfortable - we can figure something out.
You take a minute to debate. You understand why this would be a task too loud for the library and why he’d want privacy. You didn’t feel like I’d be uncomfortable with him.
I saw twice a week so does Tuesday and Thursday at seven work?
Sounds great. Thank you again x
Did he know it was me? Was he expecting it to me?
***
He was definitely not expecting you. You automatically knew that by the way his friendly smile dissipated into a frown when he opened the door for you.
You attempted to look nice today without trying too hard. A loose crop top with the university’s name, a pair of tight black leggings, bulky white socks bunched at your ankles, and white sneakers. Very 80’s.
You try to keep your composure, “Hi Harry, I’m going to be your tutor.”
He slowly nods at you, huffing out a breathe of irritation before inviting you into the frat house.
You’d only been here once or twice for a party so you had no idea what the house actually looked like when there weren’t bodies and booze everywhere.
He’s walking you past a group of boys playing FIFA on the flatscreen in the living room, white claws open everywhere.
“Y/N! Hey babe!” You look over to see Niall - one of your good friends from your part-time job at the bookstore - trotting over to you guys.
The blonde pulls you into an overexcited hug. He reminded you of a cuddly, soft puppy dog most of the time.
“Are you Harry’s little tutor?” Niall coos, leaning over to pinch Harry’s cheek. 
Harry- who was observing the conversation, focusing in on our lips, immediately bats his friend away. A small scowl forming on his face.
It automatically turns into a playful brawl where Niall tugs Harry into headlock. But he has no strength on the brunette.
Harry turns out of it quickly and pushes Niall to the ground. He straddles his stomach and begins to jokingly pinch and slap at him.
Niall hisses, “Ouch! You motherfucker! Big oaf!”
Then you don’t know why you find this endearing but Niall signs the word, “uncle” a few times to signal he’s accepted his lost.
The fact that they wrestle so much that Niall learned to sign how to give up made you giggle more than it should.
Harry crawls off of him, running a hand through his messy curls, his face a little flushed.
“I’ll talk to you later!” You tell Niall as your trailing behind Harry up a flight of stairs.
His room is extremely neat. A fluffy navy comfort decorated his bed with a few photos of flowers and nature on his wall. A tidy desk tucked away in the corner that had all of his school work loaded on top of it.
He chooses to sit in his desk chair, motioning for you to perch on his bed. You look at him expectantly when he pulls out the tape recorder and sets it on the surface.
He pulls his laptop into his lap and begins signing, “I need you to transcribe the lecture for me so I can follow it. We can skip through the bits where he is rambling or off topic.”
You nod, letting him know to begin whenever he’s ready. He presses the side button and the recording starts but it super unclear and garbled.
“Did you record this from your seat?” You ask, the professors words nearly inaudible and fuzzy.
“Yes.”
“You need to bring it to the front of the room. Ask Dr. Morrison  to lay it on his desk before class. I can’t hear anything but static and mumbles,” You tell him.
He laughs and shakes his head. His movements rough and angry, “Of course its fucked up. I get you as my tutor and then the recorder is shit.”
You glare at him, offended as you haven’t done anything to this boy. “Excuse me? I’ve literally been trying to help since I’ve meet you. What is your fucking issue?”
“I’m not a charity case! I don’t need you to feel bad for me. I’m not helpless! You’re probably just a silly little girl who took ASL in high school because it was cool and trendy. Go back to focusing on psych.”
“Fuck you, Harry,” Your gestures getting sharper and your face sour, “You know nothing about me so don’t act like you do. I don’t feel bad for you or think that you’re helpless.” You put up a hand and tell him to not talk.
“I was just being nice because I thought you were handsome and at first, seemed friendly. It turns out you’re just like every douchebag frat boy I’ve met. What a disappointment,” You chuckle, swinging your bag on your shoulder and storm out of the room without another look.
***
The cafe was jammed packed - it was Waffle Wednesday. You had said waffles in your tray and were about to plop down on a stool when you hear your name being called.
“C’mere, come sit with us!” He hollers over the commotion of the crowd. Niall.
You’re about to decline when some dude slips behind you and snags the stool. Shit.
A bit unwillingly you slide into the booth next to Niall, cracking open your sparkling water. “Mates, this is Y/N, we work at the store together and she’s Harry’s tutor,” he tells them. “Y/N, this is Liam and Louis.”
“Hello,” you try your best to come off as friendly even though you can feel Harry’s glare on the side of your face. You ended up falling to easy conversation with the boys. Niall has a very limited ASL vocabulary but tries.
The boys are also trying to talk slower and more pronounced so Harry can watch and understand. A couple of times he taps Niall on the wrist to repeat what was going on.
Your phone begins buzzing and you apologize for the interruption. It’s your little sister, Mazie, FaceTiming.
You answer the phone with a frown, signing “Aren’t you suppose to be in school?”
Mazie looks upset, eyes a little watery. She gestures back, “I left early. I’m sick.”
“Are you really sick or where you getting bullied again?” You asks her.
Your sister hesitates before sniffling, “You already know. I hate my school.” 
Mazie has had other children bully her for her disability since she started preschool and it as still happening in fourth grade.
“What can I do to help?” You frown, never wanting to see your baby sister cry.
You chat for a few minutes to help her calm down. When the phone call ends, you don’t realize that all the boys were watching you in interest. Harry in particular, keeps his focus on you with a wrinkled forehead.
“My sister’s deaf,” You tell them. The whole time you’ve been sitting with them you’ve been signing and verbally speaking to help everyone be able to be included in the conversation.
“That’s sick!” Louis says, smacking Harry’s arm. “Just like our lad Harry.” 
Harry grumbles when Louis shakes him a little. It seems like the boys loved to physically interact with Harry which was endearing.
Harry allows him to for a moment before he flicks his cheek hard and laughs when Louis flinches. The conversation goes back to normal.
***
Harry jogs up to you after your group shares farewells and a few punches. You pointedly ignore him as you trek to the class you two have together so it’s not like he can’t walk this way too.
“Please, wait,” Harry asks. He walks in front of you.
“What do you want?” You huff, keeping my glare firm and directed alley at him.
“I’m sorry. I made the wrong assumption.”
“You made a lot of wrong assumptions. The fact that you think of me so lowly is sad. I’ve been nothing but nice,” You try not to focus on his large palms that curve over the caps of your shoulders.
“I’m not very trusting of people.”
You snort rather unattractively, “No kidding”
“Can we please start over?” He asks, stepping back to give you space. He didn’t realize how close he’d been standing to you until your hair wisps across his nose.
“One more chance, Styles.”
Harry lays a hand on your upper arm and squeeze lightly before signing the simple gesture of ‘thank you.’
***
It turns out Harry is very handsy and physically affectionate. It wasn’t creepy though or something that ever made you feel uncomfortable.
You were still tutoring him but you hung around the frat with Harry nearly everyday. The days you just wanted to lay in bed resulted in a grumpy FaceTime from Harry.
Harry once stated during a tutoring session, “It is easier for me to show how I’m feeling with touch than words. If I ever make you uncomfortable - please tell me and I will stop.”
You smile slyly at his words that sounded more like a question, asking if he can touch you. “I guess I’ll let you feel me up every now in again.”
He giggles and looks down wolfishly - like an entertaining thought is dancing around in his mind.
You tuck your finger under his chin to gaze at you. “In all seriousness, I give you my consent to show your feelings with physical touch. I trust you and know you won’t do anything to make me uncomfortable.”
The curly-haired brunette smiles happily, his hand cupping the side of your neck and brushing over your pulse point.
He hadn’t touched you here before and it seems like it was his first goal to do so once he got permission. You can’t help but take in a deep gasp of air. You prayed he didn’t notice but by the small lift of his lips he did.
The simple touch made a flame of arousal swirl in your lower stomach. You felt like you were about to start sweating.
“Anyways,” You clear your throat and snatch back up the recorder. It now had better quality after Harry listened to you about placement.
***
The frat house was ridiculously full of drunk college students. Everybody on the dance floor was sweaty and sticky with a variety of different substances.
Niall had invited you - so you were searching about for him. Pushing through the crowd and nobody was able to hear you say ‘excuse me.’
You finally found fresh air in the backyard where beer pong and cornhole were set up. Niall was tossing his ball across the table, trying to splash in Liam’s red solo cups.
Harry was sitting on a cushioned patio chair, watching the game commence. Maybe he was a beer pong referee after all. 
He looked so fucking good tonight. He had a yellow snapback taming his curls - backwards of course. A black Rage Against the Machine shirt and his signature black skinny jeans. **
You made eye contact and were about to wave when a girl plopped down in the seat across from him.
Awkwardly you turn away, greeting the other boys and taking a seat in a lawn chair to watch them start their third round of the game.
Your eyes keep darting over to Harry who is staring blankly at the girl. She starts stroking his biceps and tracing across the tattoos like they belong to her.
Harry is attempting to let her know he’s not interested. His signs uselessly as she’s staring at his lips and not hands.
You’re moving before you know it, without another thought, you squeeze in between the two - separating them. You dramatically slide into his lap, funnily enough one strong arm wrapping happily around your middle.
The pretty blonde pouts out her lips, “Is he your boyfriend?”
Before you’re able to reply, Harry signs the obvious signal for ‘yes’ to the girl. Then rudely makes the shooing gesture. She’s up with a huff and stomping back towards the house.
Harry turns you sideways on his lap so that you two can see each other’s hands, “You saved me.”
“You’re just such a stud, have to protect you,” You joke - but not really.
He raising his eyebrows and smiles, “You were jealous.” It was a statement not a question.
You blush wildly, avoiding eye contact which you know he hates. He hates anytime you cut off ways of communication.
Harry taps your lips until you look up at him, “it’s really fucking sexy when you are.” A perk of sign language. He could dirty talk just about anywhere and mostly no one would ever know.
His thumb drags on your full bottom lip, signing clumsily with one hand so you had to use context clues to piece it together “Don’t think I forgot when you called me handsome a few months ago.”
“I don’t remember, doesn’t sound like me,” You boldly lie, snickering and nipping at the top of his thumb
His eyes become a shade darker when your teeth meet his skin. He presses his thumb further in until it’s in-between your teeth. The moment is broken when Niall screams, “Styles! You’re up next!”
**
You and Harry become separated after you spent nearly two hours watching all these drunk boys play beer pong. Harry was ridiculously good at the game and only had to drink two cups from the table.
You had wandered back into the house where the party had died down. There were only a handful of stragglers left but mostly just the fraternity brothers and their close friends.
With a fresh alcoholic seltzer in your hand - you didn’t trust open bottles at parties like this - you gaze at Harry through the back window.
Harry was being jumped by Liam and Niall. He was snarling playfully as Liam toppled them all over into the grass. Niall tries to stand up but Harry’s hand wraps around his ankle and makes him fall right back on his bum with a girlish squeal.
Niall leans over to give Harry a wet-willy but Liam manages to throw a plastic cup directly at Niall’s forehead. Harry and the other boys dissolve in childish giggles. Faces red from laughter and liquor. You feel a smile painted fondly on your lips from watching them.
“Hey, Y/N right?” A voice interrupts from behind.
You spin to face a guy you barely recognize from a previous class you shared. You smile nonetheless, “Hi...”
“Jake, Jake from Social Constructs and Society last semester.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right,” You smile and allow him to talk your ear off because you struggle to say ‘no.’ He was fine, nothing special, typical business major who thought he was hot shit because his daddy owned a golf course he wanted to take you to.
It was a normal conversation until his voice gets lower as if he’s trying to be more seductive, “Want to head to a room with me?” He nods towards the staircase.
You chuckle in disbelief at his bold and forward question. “No thank you, I’m good.” You really had eyes for one person right now and he was currently cussing out Niall in sign language in the backyard before tackling him once again to the ground.
“C’mon, I can really show you a good time,” He persuades persistently, stepping into your space - causing your nervousness to spike.
“I said - no thank you,”You bite out, starting to feel scared when he blocks your way out of the kitchen and presses himself against you and the counter.
“You’re really something gorgeous, you know?” He asks, ignoring my struggles to get away from him.
“Stop touching me!” You scream, hoping Niall or one of the boys would hear your wail. He puts a hand up to your mouth to muffle you but that only results in you biting him.
“Fucking bitch!” He cries out, pulling his hand back and winding up to either punch or slap you right in the face. You prepare for the impact.
Then in a blink off an eye, it becomes a blur, a muscular figure is crashing into Jake with full force and knocking him straight into the linoleum floor with a loud crash.
It’s Harry. Broad shoulders and thick but lean tattooed biceps. He’s standing over the harasser and drops on top of him. It shouldn’t look as graceful and tactful as it does.
You’d never seen anything like this from Harry before. Once you really got to know him - he was a gentle giant who liked romantic comedies, soft blankets, and vanilla cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles.
Harry’s fist is repeatedly connecting with the dark-haired boy’s jaw with full force. The only noise is from Jake as Harry is dead silent but his eyes zeroed in on the target.
When blood begins gushing from the man’s nose - Niall and Liam decide it times to physically pull Harry up. Harry had a slight red mark on his jaw when Jake had managed one punch before being defeated quickly.
Harry signs to Niall, “Tell him.”
Niall places his foot on the dude’s chest to keep him down, “My mate wants to let you know if you touch her again we’re not going to pull him off and he’ll gladly beat you to a fucking pulp.”
Jake groans, clutching his nose to stop the bleeding, “Fuckin’ asshole.” 
You were still blown away as you watch Harry’s heaving chest as he glares down at the boy. His fist clenched and knuckle bloody and swollen. Harry’s attention turns towards you. His furious expression melts into worry. You can read his face so clearly. He’s afraid he’s scared you off.
It was hard to believe you had this drop dead gorgeous frat boy defending you past midnight on a Friday night. A boy who didn’t need to hear but just to see you needed help to step in.
All your desires and lusts after the man in front of you burst like a rubber-band and the urge to have him felt uncontrollable. “Take me upstairs,” you demand quickly, arousal creeping up your spine.
He doesn’t understand you’re extremely turned on. Instead he looks like a kicked dog who’s about to get in trouble again.
Nevertheless, he takes your hand and maneuvers out of the kitchen and up the stairs until his bedroom door is closed.
Harry lips are turned down unhappily as he begins, “I’m sorry, love. I...” he pauses a moment before continuing. “I just wanted to make sure you were safe. I hope you don’t think less of me.”
You look him dead in the eye and sign, “Kiss me.”
He blinks slowly at you like he just hallucinate the gestures.
So you repeat your motions, slow and with intent, “Kiss me, touch me, do something.” No more time is wasted as he is stepping in front of you and cupping your face in his hands.
Without any hesitation now, he pressing a bruising kiss to your lips - taking your bottom one between his and sucking.
Your hands are immediately tugging at the hem of his vintage shirt, pulling apart to bring it over his head. Dark ink decorates his torso, for some reason something you weren’t expecting. A butterfly on his abdomen, two fern branches, tattoos on his side.
Harry chuckles, “This is new to me.”
Your eyes go wide and you sign, “You’re a virgin?”
Harry snorts and rolls his eyes before telling you, “God no. I mean I’ve never been able to really communicate during sex.”
Then before You can speak, he cuts in a bit frantically, “I’ve always gotten consent - not like that. I mean-“ You cut him off with a kiss - knowing he would never do anything you didn’t want.
You wanted everything from him.
“If you’d believe it, I like a bit of dirty talk when I fuck - but no one understands what I’m saying,” He tries to crack a joke but for some reason seems insecure and nervous.
“Hey,” You take his chin so he shyly meets your eye, “I can’t wait to hear it - you’ve already made me so wet.” His eyes light up like a kid on Christmas.
“You’re such a good girl,” he signs before tugging off your shirt and instantly finding your lips again. His hands are skillful as they unclasp your bra without any struggle and tosses it.
You tugs a bit as his hair to show your enjoyment as his tongue finds your nipple - lapping before taking it between his teeth. As good as it feels, you want him to feel even better.
You push him back until he’s sitting in the edge of the bed, legs spread and hands behind him on either side holding him up. Jaw clenched with arousal and restraint.
He’s pressed against the zipper of his jeans. And all you wanted to do was see him in all of his glory. You’re quick to undo the button and determined to get the finicky zipper down as well.
His fingers come beneath your chin until you’re looking at his sparkling eyes, a look of lust made his lids a little droopier and his mouth slack from heavy-breathing.
“Are you sure you want to? You don’t have to - I want to eat your pussy either way, pet,” He signs, leaning in for a slow, wet kiss.
You sign back with a pout, “Shut the fuck up.” He huffs out a laugh, letting go of your chin and wrapping a hand in your hair to keep it out of your face.
As soon as he’s helping you wriggle his briefs and jeans down his narrow hips, you’re met with the prettiest cock you’ve ever seen.
When you make eye contact with Harry, he raises a eyebrow and grins cockily, “Is it nice enough for your liking, love?”
You nod breathlessly - wasting no more time before ducking down to take him to your mouth, a slight burning in your throat from how big he is.
His hands keep ahold of your hair, thumbs pressed against your temples as you bob down his length with sloppy, warm licks.
Harry’s moaning as you pop off to kiss and suck at the underside of him, hands coming to cup and roll his balls. It is a few moments later when he taps your cheek to get your attention, one hand leaving his hair to sign that he’s close.
Your mouth speeds up, wanting to give him all the pleasure you could. Your hand coming to stroke at what couldn’t fit in your mouth, pumping quickly.
Before you know it, Harry’s rutting his hips upwards and coming with a long, deep moan from the rumbles of his chest. He’s pulling you up into his lap, pressing appreciative kisses to your cheeks and jawline.
Big hands palming at your breasts before slipping down into your leggings, brushing softly over your mound. 
You whine and hitch forward to grind against his palm as soon as he cups you. He smiles widely at your desperation, pressing the heel of his palm harder against you to create more pressure.
You were already so wet and turned on that it wasn’t going to take much. The ball of your climax was burning low in your tummy. However, you wanted him to taste you like he said he would.
You sign, “I’m close. Please, I want your mouth on me.”
With that, he’s flipping you until you’re laid out on the bed. His hands tugging off your leggings and underwear with no further ado. “Holy shit,” He gestures, gazing all over your body and not stopping on one spot for too long.
“What?” You ask, fishing for the compliments you know he’s about to shower you in.
“You’ve got such a pretty pussy,” he signs, dimples popping in his cheeks and a curious finger traces your entrance before dipping in.
You lightly kick at his stomach, “Get on me.” He pouts, crooking his finger against your spot before pulling it out. Fucking tease.
Then his face is disappearing between your spread thighs and a strong lick is delivered from your clit all the way down to your bum.
Since he can’t hear you, you grabs handfuls off his hair. Tugging at the roots, scratching your nails into his scalp to let him know how good he is. So fucking good.
When you accidentally buck your hips hard against his mouth, you curse and run a apologetic hand through the locks. He doesn’t look up at you but lift a hand and signs, “Again.”
You absolutely whine, begging to ride him with determination - climax on the brink. He hums causing vibrations on the sensitive nerves. With that, your hips are meeting his tongue and you’re coming. His face dampening with your release - happy as a clam when he pops back up.
You can’t remember the sign for condom, so you sign, “Protection?” Harry understands right away, rustling through the drawer until he finds a stray packets, “It’s been awhile.”
“Same,” You gestures - watching as he slides it down his length and crawls overtop of you. He was pink and swollen - having to be a bit sensitive from just coming a little while ago.
“Ready, love?” He asks, pressing soft kisses to your jawline. You nod, reaching down to guide him in.
And you weren’t lying, it had been a while and he was big. The stretch wasn’t uncomfortable, just a lot. But his wet, open-mouth kisses made you stay grounded.
Harry’s moans were absolutely obscene as he slide all the way in before stopping to give you a moment. His arms strong, holding himself over you. The cold metal of his necklaces brushing against your tight nipples.
When you have him the okay, he begin giving you deep, hard strokes on each thrust. His noises so loud they had to be able to hear them downstairs. They were deep and low - rumbling in his chest with pleasure.
Then his hand is coming to your throat. For a wild moment you thought he was going to choke you but instead he rest it lightly, palm flat.
It takes you a moment - then it hits you.
Holy fuck. He is feeling the vibrations of your moans - erupting from your vocal cords. Feeling out the movement from your throat so he can feel how much you’re enjoying it.
You should be embarrassed but you can’t find it in you when you come again right on the spot. His fingertips nudging into the skin to feel the intensity as it wracks through you.
When you’re done riding out your orgasm, he reaches for the headboard behind you with his other hand, gripping it tightly as he begins to pound in with all his strength.
The bedframe is hitting the wall so loud that the whole house must be able to hear it. Hitting with every directed thrust until his mouth is dropping down into a long, timbred moan and he’s coming.
---
Later, when the two are you have settled for the night in the warmth of his bed. Harry seems a little nervous, once again. It takes him a moment to meet your eyes and brushes a strand of hair off your forehead.
“What is it?” You ask, tucked into his side. His body so solid and comforting.
“It’s corny,” Harry frowns, eyebrows furrowing as his eyes flash across your face.
“Tell me,” You insist, bringing his hand to your lips to kiss his fingertips.
“I feel like you were made for me. Like...we were meant to be together,” Harry signs, hesitant to share his thoughts. But it doesn’t scare you away. You can’t help but agree.
“I think so too,” You reply before pressing another kiss to his puffy pink lips.
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the-devils-girl94 · 3 years ago
Text
Distracting Thoughts
Prompt: Stranded On A Boat
Characters: Beelzebub x Fem!MC
Content Warnings: Masturbation, MC has thalassophobia(a fear of the ocean and other large bodies of water), MC fantasizing about Beel, lots of smutty good times with Beel
(I like how there is a word for how I feel about large bodies of water. Did not expect it to be this long ass word though.)
Another fic for @voltage-vixen ‘s Summer of Smut challenge! Enjoy!
“How on Earth did I end up in this mess?”
A heavy sigh left your lips and you buried your face into your hands.
Right now, you were stuck in the middle of the sea on a boat that Lord Diavolo had outright purchased. Not everything was going so bad, but you wouldn’t be feeling so slighted if everything was going good either.
Oh no, no. It was simply terrible.
For one thing, while you weren’t in immediate danger, being stuck in the middle of the freaking ocean was downright terrifying! All you could think of was scary scenarios of you drowning in this never-ending sea. Like the boat could sink and you could drown, you could fall over the edge and drown, or you could fall over the edge and a nearby shark could see you as a tasty snack and that could be your end. Your mind just kept coming up with the most exaggerated and impossible one-in-a-million chance scenarios that really did no good for you.
You hated being anywhere near large bodies of water, but there was one thing that kept some of the thoughts at bay. And that was you weren’t entirely alone.
You sat on the back deck of the boat Diavolo had purchased, far away from either edge that you didn’t want to be near, and before you was the ever-so lively Demon Brothers of the House of Lamentation. In short, your lively roommates who just make everything so much better...sometimes. Lord Diavolo and Barbatos was there as well but they mostly kept to themselves with Diavolo mostly sunbathing.
Your mind felt more at ease with the guys around since you knew if any of the scenarios did happen, they would not hesitate to immediately step in to save you. Though you still hope it would never have to come to that in the first place. You felt most safe around Beelzebub, the sixth born. 
Your eyes caught him in the pool that was several feet away from you. He was joined by his twin and locked in a fierce game with the second and third born. Well, you say fierce but its clear that Beelzebub is the victor. Mammon and Leviathan were no match against Beel’s pure strength. And had Belphegor been with anyone else besides his twin, he definitely would not have stood a chance against a team up of his older brothers.
You weren’t too interested in their game play, however. Your eyes were trained on Beel. Even before this boat fiasco, your eyes have never strayed far away from the gluttonous demon. For a long time, you didn’t know if it was a crush or if you’re just naturally drawn to his sweet nature.
“Or maybe that chiseled body of his.”
The tips of your ears grew hot as the thought crept in, replacing your previous anxiety-ridden thoughts. Your mind soon became riddled with images of Beelzebub’s torso. Mostly of his glorious pecs and washboard abs because this demon was built like a freaking Greek God. God knew exactly what he was doing when he made him, but him being a demon made his appeal so much greater! It was, in every sense of the word, sinful.
You were brought back to reality when you heard a large splash and some yelling. You looked up in time to see Levi and Mammon getting flung out of the pool by Beel, all while Belphie napped out on a floating donut. The whole thing brought you to tears as you laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. Mammon had caught you laughing and scolded you.
“Hey, (Y/N)! Don’t laugh, it ain’t funny!,” he yelled, but you continued to chuckle. You felt a little bad, but it was so unexpected as Beel had grabbed them by their feet and literally threw them out.
“(Y/N) witnessed our defeat...how uber lame,” muttered Leviathan as he rubbed his now aching back.
Wiping away your tears, you let out an amused sigh and went off on your own to explore the boat. You were unaware of Beel calling after you as you walked away.
________________________________________________________________
You thought it would be a good idea to explore the boat since Lord Diavolo had bought it and anything he buys is always luxurious. And it was but...
As you wandered the halls, you suddenly understood what sailors meant by sea legs. Although the boat was mostly steady, there would be an occasional gentle rocking of the boat. And had it been anyone else, it would have been fine but no! It completely unsettled you and your thoughts once again became filled with disturbing scenarios of that all ended in you meeting your end in some extreme way or another.
“Oh why did I think it was okay to go off on my own?,” you thought.
Feeling sick to your stomach, you thought it best to just retire to your room and calm your incessant thoughts. You flopped onto your bed and buried your face into your pillow. You hope this day would end so you could finally get off this nightmare. You tried to refocus your mind on something else, because even with you running through every possibility of drowning in every way possible, you were aware that you were in safe hands. None of the brothers would ever let you meet such an end in this never-ending sea full of wonders and mysteries.
You thought back to earlier and found yourself thinking of Beel once more.
The images from earlier made you kick your legs as your face became hot and flushed. You groaned into your pillow with frustration.
“Fuuuuckkkk!,” you screamed internally, feeling slightly ashamed for thinking about Beelzebub in such a manner. But thinking of him did make the other thoughts fade away to the background. Plus you may have a crush on him, so..was it totally wrong to fantasize about him showing up to your room, body dripping with water and looking at you with lust filled eyes?
....Okay, hold up, that actually is kinda hot.
It was the most prevalent image in your head. It made you wonder if you would have the chance to actually have Beel in your room and let him take you. Or maybe have the courage to be that daring?
You felt a tingling sensation between your legs and rolled on your back, blushing. You dwelled on the thought a little more to the point that it became a fantasy. And you imagined Beelzebub crawling towards you on your bed until his face was a couple inches away from yours. His rough hands were on your thighs, lifting them up so your clothed sex could feel the hardness of his bulge clothed from the thin material of his swim shorts.
The heat within your core began to grow and before you knew it, you were already trying to calm the growing heat with your hand. You were craving for the imaginary touch that only existed in your mind. Rubbing against your clit, the fantasy progressed into Beel removing your clothes and pushing his shorts down to free his hardened member. You imagined him stroking his cock against your sensitive slit that was getting wetter and wetter in reality.
Your breathing became heavy and you brought up a free hand to go under your shirt and bra to twist at your nipples. The fantasy continued as you imagined Beel dipping his fingers inside of you, stretching out your pussy to prepare you for him.
Moans started to escape from your lips as your hands worked on your body to bring you the stimulation and release you desperately searched for. You weren’t aware of it but you were also moaning Beel’s name. Apparently you were being a bit loud, because you failed to hear the knocking at your door and the sound of it opening until...
“(Y/N).”
You snapped out of your fantasy-filled haze when you heard your name. Suffice to say, you were extremely embarrassed to find a blushing Beelzebub in your room, half-eaten snacks in his hands. You quickly covered yourself up with a shout, but it was much too late. You were sure that he had saw everything. He probably even heard you too.
“Waah! I’m so fucking embarrassed! Oh my God,” you cringed, trying so hard to fold in on yourself so you could disappear. 
“Ah, (Y/N)! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to barge in like that,” he apologized profusely. He saw your covers move a bit but no sign of you poking your head out. You whined as you stammered out, “It’s fine! I should have locked my door. I didn’t mean for you to see me...like that...so.”
Ahhh, if anything was more worse than drowning in an ocean where your body likely won’t be found, it was definitely having your crush walk in on you masturbating to him. Ok, maybe not that much worse but still! Tears began to well up in your eyes and you fully expected for Beelzebub to walk out as this situation must have been a bit awkward. But instead you felt your bed dip in a bit as another weight was added. A hand was placed on your back and started rubbing in circles. Your lip trembled as your tears fell, because WHY WAS HE SO FREAKING SWEET!? 
Yeah, you were definitely crushing on him. This is why he was the only one on the crush list.
Beelzebub could feel you trembling and his face was still red from walking in on you. Though if he had to admit it, seeing you like that really turned him on. And to hear you moan his name so wantonly was like music to his ears. But he still felt bad because it was your private time that he interrupted. All because he wanted to hang out with you since he wanted to do so earlier, but you didn’t hear him calling after you.
But now there was a massive elephant in the room and neither of you knew how to bring it up without it becoming more awkward. Or your in case more embarrassed.
“(Y/N)?”
“Yes, Beel?”
“I’m still sorry for earlier. I wanted to hangout, but do...do you want me help you a bit?”
You shot up like a rocket and turned wide-eyed to face a startled Beelzebub, who was feeling a bit pervy for asking you that question. But to you, he didn’t need to feel like that because this was the moment you were thinking of earlier! You started to laugh at the irony, causing Beel to become confused which you noticed.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m not laughing at you, Beel!,” you chuckled out. “It was just that earlier I was thinking of what would I do if I had you in my room all to myself.”
At that, the gentle giant smiled at you, understanding why you were laughing. He crawled towards you, his face a few inches from yours. You were smiling but your face grew warm.
“So is it a ‘yes’?,” he asked, though his lips were drawing in close to yours.
“Y-yes-mmph,” his lips had closed in on yours and you felt his hands come up to your shoulders. Sliding off the covers from your body, Beel gently laid you back on the bed. You wrapped your arms around him as he coaxed your mouth open with a bit of prodding from his tongue. You could taste the sweetness of the snacks he had earlier as your tongues became entangled. You gasped when he pulled away.
Beelzebub set his focus on leaving kisses on your neck, starting a trail. He got to your breasts and cupped them in his hands, firmly squeezing them. A squeal escaped from your lips when you felt his wet tongue teasing your nipple. He sucked it into his mouth, pulling before letting it go with a pop.
"Ahhaaa, Beel! Please," you pleaded as he devoured your chest. You couldn't take it with him pulling, twisting, and sucking on your sensitive nubs. Your hands had moved to his forearms and you held a firm grip on them as Beel sucked away.
With a final tug, he left your poor nipples alone, going back to his task of leaving butterfly kisses on your body. Your body trembled with ecstasy but soon jolted from a shock when you felt a wet appendage lapping at your swollen clit.
Once Beel had finished leaving you kisses, he came across your pussy, still wet and glistening from when you were masturbating to him. His eyes darkened as his mind drifted back to that scene of you pleasuring yourself, seeing your delectable juices dripping your core.
He just knew that he had to taste you. To devour such a pretty, pink platter that was meant for him to sample. As soon as his tongue made contact with your clit, he felt you jump but he continued to lap at it, enjoying the taste and fragrance you gave off. You squirmed and your pants started to fill the room. Your toes curled and your feet had a hard time not slipping off your sheets as you encouraged Beel to keep going.
His tongue parted your puffy, pussy lips and he noticed your legs trembling. So he hooked his hands underneath your knees, spreading them further to her better access. He let your legs rest on his shoulders, all the while keeping his mouth on you.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," you chanted over and over as your back arched, wanting to rub your sex over his tongue. You could feel yourself coming undone and on the verge of cumming. Beel's member twitched against the thin fabric of his swim shorts as he could tell your release was imminent, but...
Reluctantly, he pulled away from your pussy. He really wanted you to release all your tasty juices over his cock. He wiped away the mix of his saliva and your own cream from his chin.
You groaned but it turned into a squeak when Beel crawled back on top of you. Your legs were still over his shoulders and so you felt your body being folded in half but it wasn't too uncomfortable. But it aroused you more as you could feel his bulge heavy against your sex. You wanted it inside, for it to stretch your walls as you take every inch Beel gave you. For you to cream all over it so you could lick it off him and he could do it all over again.
Beelzebub's lips pressed against yours and you wasted no time parting your lips so his tongue could share the taste of your pussy. You could feel Beel's hands fumbling to pull down his shorts to let his cock finally breath. His lips never left yours, even as he guided his cock to your hole. You had braced yourself but was pleasantly surprised when he sanked into you with ease, but it still raised a moan out of you as your wall stretched to accommodate him.
Beel broke the kiss to let out a hissing sound as your pussy took him in so smoothly. He could feel you clenching around him, wanting to greedily take in more. But he was fully seated inside you, his balls pressed firmly against the plumpness of your ass.
"Shit...(Y/N), you feel so fucking amazing," he said as he recaptured your lips with his and rocked his hips to get a little friction going. He pulled back until only half of his dick was inside and slammed back into you. He repeated the action a few more times, drawing out moans that ended up getting swallowed up by him.
You pulled away from the kiss to cry out freely as he set a hard, quick pace as his hips connected with yours repeatedly. The slapping sound of your skin colliding overcome the sounds of your moans and cries. Beel couldn't help but groan at the way your pussy tightened around him with every thrust. Your body trembled against his as the heat became overwhelming. Your hands scrambled to grip at something, changing from scratching at Beelzebub's back or balling up your sheets into your fist, as you feared that the pleasure was going to take you away.
The seams were tearing and Beel could feel you were close as your pussy convulsed around him. So he sat up, holding your legs up, and pounded away at you. Your moans turned to screams and chants of Beel's name as his cock wrecked you.
"Beeeeel! I'm cumming, cumming!," you screamed, but it didn't deter him even as your released overflowed on his cock. The consistent clenching of your pussy finally drove him over the edge and his seed coated the inside of your walls, a deep growl erupted from him as he pressed his cock deep inside you.
With the both of you spent for the moment, Beel slipped out of you and collapsed beside you. However, he wrapped his arms around you to bring you closer. You sighed contently, feeling very much satiated as well as Beelzebub.
You felt lips pressing against your forehead and giggled before giving Beel a chaste kiss on the lip.
"That was amazing," you smiled. You saw his cheeks redden and the hug tightens.
"I-I would like to do that again...maybe sometime," spoke the blushing giant as he looked into your eyes.
The tips of your ears turning red as you agreed.
You figured this boat nightmare wasn't too bad as you snuggled up to Beel's chest, wondering if you had the courage to say you like him.
You saved the thought for another day to ponder later.
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the-hidden-pages · 4 years ago
Text
Misread Affections - Laszlo Kreizler/Fem!Reader SMUT
I started at midnight. I had 0 words. It’s 4:30am. I have 4643 words because I have fallen deeply for Doctor Laszlo Kreizler. Forgive me for this.
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Synopsis: With all your history together, you and Doctor Kreizler believe you understand each other. Yet when you believe him to be infatuated with Karen Stratton, and he believes you to have affection for Marcus Isaacson, you’re both stunned when you find yourselves to be proven wrong.
Warnings: NSFW. Desk Sex. Dirty Talk. Patient-to-Friend-to-Lover. Definite depression and general self-loathing.
SPOILERS FOR THE SECOND SEASON!!!!!!
You had always admired the man Doctor Laszlo Kreizler was.
He championed those who could not champion themselves. He worked tirelessly to understand the minds of criminals. To those very same criminals, and many others that lived as outcasts to society, he would offer kindness and understanding. At his best he was beyond intelligent and, daresay, sweet.
At his worst, he was ruthless, and his own self-loathing would have him come across as unempathetic most days. While preaching to others to care for himself, he would often forego his own care. While offering an ear and a receptive mind, he would refuse to offer himself the same.
You knew this within mere days of knowing Doctor Kreizler. And such facts made you rather fond of him.
A fondness that was not helped by his handsome build, his dark locks, his scrutinizing gaze.
And yet no part of you could justify ever acting upon this fondness.
You had come to him both as a patient and a colleague. You had always been aware of a darkness within yourself, ever since you were a child. This darkness had only grown, too often all-consuming, leaving you. a dysfunction wreck of a human being. However, you had an obligation to keep going, a promise you had sworn to your sister to continue your own existence. So, exist you did.
While your family’s fortune wasn’t enough to send you to Harvard, like the Doctor himself, it did allow for you to be a reasonably educated woman of the times. A deep fascination in understanding your own darkness led you to the work of alienists, and eventually to the work of Doctor Kreizler.
While you couldn’t often justify breaking societal rules to such an extent, you found yourself motivated enough to call upon the Doctor with a proposition – should he aide you in understanding your own illness of the brain, you would offer any services you could to the Kreizler Institute.
You could tell he was curious of you. A woman of your standing did not often make such demands with such authority, nor so blatantly admit to her own illnesses. He quickly agreed, eager to study why you considered yourself so damaged, and happy to take on an extra set of hands with the children he looked after.
Over time, you begun to slip effortlessly into Doctor Kreizler’s life.
You met the likes of Cyrus and Stevie, along with many others that worked at the Institute. You were then blown away by the strength within Miss Sara Howard, and the pure, undiluted love that Mister John Schuyler Moore could show others. You were even called upon on several occasions to be a fresh set of eyes, the murders of young boy prostitutes and kidnappings of babies not deterring you, to the surprise and reluctant joy of the Doctor.
And as Doctor Kreizler studied you, you studied him.
You slowly learned of all the emotion he kept hidden behind the façade of professionalism. The kindness, the love, the anger, the fear. While he showed none of these most days, occasionally a concoction of such feeling would burst in an overwhelming outpour.
In offering him a platonic safe space, a place for him to talk through such outbursts should he wish, he in turn aided you.
The darkness you felt for so long began to subside some days, and between the efforts of him and a passing remark from John, you learned of an outlet for your darker thoughts – writing.
While expressing your own emotions and turmoil did not come easy, you found it far simpler when written down on paper, as opposed to spoken aloud to a judging room.
Doctor Kreizler gifted you a beautiful leather-bound journal a mere day after this revelation, with the request that you record your thoughts. He promised he would not read it unless you requested him to as an act of therapy.
For many days, you allowed him to read any thoughts that came to mind.
Thoughts of blood, of death, of pain and anger. Thoughts of a stolen childhood, of worthlessness, of longing.
Many days when he read your pages, you would be silently crying as he did, fearful of his judgement. But it never came.
Instead, he would close the book silently, and offer you professional advice.
One particularly rough day, in which your narrative was beyond vicious to you, he closed the book before finishing, and offered you something you didn’t expect – an embrace.
He hugged you so tightly, that for once…
Your inner monologue ceased.
His own, however, raged on.
How could you think so lowly of yourself, he wondered? While he could understand mindsets built from trauma, he couldn’t help but wish you could see yourself through his own eyes. Your empathy when you cared for the children in the Institute. Your intelligence when conversing with Miss Howard. Your artistic delight when laughing with John. And the perspective, the warmth you offered such a broken man such as himself.
Neither of you knew, in that exact moment, that the other was realizing the fondness you both held in your hearts for each other.
And neither of you knew how truly broken the other felt at their core.
Two souls, believing themselves to be undeserving of love, finding it in their hearts for the other.
When the beautiful, cunning Doctor Karen Stratton entered the picture, you asked Doctor Kreizler to refrain from reading your journal.
He was hurt by this, but profession and courtesy claimed that he could not show it.
You began to withdraw from him, placing your entire focus on the case of the stolen babies and your focus on the children in the Institute. Kreizler, in his own difficulties of potentially losing the said Institute, took notice of your own withdrawal from your sessions, but held enough hope that you had found stability to care for yourself. You still conversed with Sara, you smiled with John. You had even been introduced to the Isaacsons, and he had wondered if you had taken a liking to Marcus.
You deserved a young man such as him, he told himself, heart heavy. A whole, young man with enough strength to support you.
And on the night of Marcus’ death, he believed it to be confirmed.
He found you alone, in his study where you so often had your sessions with him. You were curled inwards on yourself, clutching your journal as though it were your lifeline, sobbing uncontrollably.
He moved to console you, arms holding you tightly.
“It’s all too much,” you choked out, unable to articulate much more.
 Doctor Kreizler nodded, waiting for you to be able to go on.
You regained some breath with difficulty. “I just…I can’t stand to lose a friend. Not after everything else lately.”
 “I know how difficult it can be, to lose one you love…” Kreizler began, not noticing how your sobs stopped in confusion. “After Mary, I…Well I swore I would never again…The point is, I-“ he stopped short.
You had spluttered out a laugh.
 Your hand covered your mouth immediately, noticing what had just happened. You immediately moved to cover it up, wiping away your tears and standing up away from him. “No, no, Doctor. Heavens, Marcus…well, he was loved but, I saw…I see the Isaacsons as brothers I never had. He was dear to me but…not in the sense I suspect that Mary was to you.”
 “I…see…” Doctor Kreizler pulled back, sitting in his study chair as he gazed at you. “Apologies, I seem to have misread your relationship. Nonetheless, his death has greatly affected you, as it has all of us. I suspect it will be a very difficult grieving process, but…” he manages a soft, rare smile that warmed your heart. “We will endure it together, as we have these cases.”
“Will we?” your voice grew empty as your thoughts swirled.
He titled his head, unsure of where this was leading. You gathered your courage to question him.
“Rumour has it, Doctor Stratton has asked you to join her in Vienna. I wonder if you’ll go.”
 Silence falls over the room.
 Laszlo couldn’t understand what this had to do with anything. Your crying, your distress over Marcus. What did his leaving have to do with any of your distress?
 “You’re greatly upset by something,” he eventually said, gazing at you with a more analytical eye than before. “I’m afraid you give me too much credit, if you think I know the specifics of it.”
“I-“ you stopped, clearing your throat as you choked up. Your knuckles turned white on your journal’s edges, hands shaking. “Doctor Kreizler-“
“It’s been months since we’ve known each other,” he interrupts, “and we haven’t held a session together in nearly five weeks. Would it pain you to call me Laszlo? Are we not…friends?”
You gaped at him, but his face remained unreadable.
  You shake your head. “Yes, it…it would pain me. It would pain me a great deal, Doctor – it does pain me a great deal to hear you call me a friend when…”
“When what?” he prompts you sharply, and you inhale quickly.
“When I feel I’ve been dishonest with you, unkind to you…” had the room not been dead still, Laszlo might have missed the next words you whispered. “I feel I’ve been perverse to you.”
 If he was confused, he didn’t show it. And you were talking now, the words spilling out, a cascade unable to end.
“I feel as though…had Marcus not…died…tonight, I might never have done this. But then my mind, it began spinning so quickly I couldn’t stop it, and I couldn’t help but imagine countless scenarios in which Libby, in which the Dusters, in which…well, in which any number of causes might take your life as well. In which you might die before…before I can confess…” You huff, your words getting caught once again. With a determined move, your arm shot out to pass your journal to him, and Kreizler takes note of a particular page being creased.
 He looks up at you, but you don’t meet his eye.
“I’ve marked where I want you to start reading. Just…go from there. Inform me when you’re finished.”
You walk over to the window, desperate to be distracted, as Doctor Kreizler opens the book and reads at your request.
           He can’t comprehend what he’s reading at first.
           While he had grown accustomed to your twisted perception of yourself, he hadn’t realized just how ruthless the self-loathing could take you. Endless doubt of your friendships with the team, with your position as a caretaker, in your abilities to be a friend.            And as words continue, he realizes your doubts in being a partner, a lover.
           If he grows flustered at the words he reads, he’s determined not to show it to you.
           He reads your envy of women like Sara Howard, able to move forward with such strength and certainty, and of Karen Stratton, so brash, so forward. Your envy is strong towards her, in her abilities to understand sexuality, passion, human desire, and in…
           In her connection to himself.
           His eyes widen as your own ramblings seem to uncover a truth you hadn’t explored before – your attraction to the Doctor that had aided you, offered you employment. The pure taboo of such affections, yet your inability to stop it. Your adoration, your admiration for the intimidating, raw man that he was. How you felt unworthy, that you would hold him back, that he deserved a woman as delightful as Doctor Stratton, a woman who could stimulate him academically, that could pleasure him physically. How you felt so deeply ashamed of harbouring such elicit fantasies of the man that had been nothing but kind to you. How you loved him so deeply it made you want to die, because you would never be deserving –
           You heard the journal snapping shut, and you couldn’t bring yourself to face the Doctor, knowing what he must’ve read, dreading what he must now be thinking.
           The silence lasted far longer than you would’ve liked, but you couldn’t bring yourself to speak.
           “I find myself taken aback more often than I like,” Kreizler’s voice shatters the still air. “I believe myself to be so wise, so understanding of the mind, and yet I come across a mind such as yours that I…I truly cannot fathom how you think what you think.”
           “I’m sorry,” you start, voice breaking as tears begin to flow again.
           You nearly jump out of your skin when you feel a hand on your own. You don’t dare to turn around, frozen like a rabbit having been sniffed out by a hound.
           “You think me to be attracted to Doctor Stratton, am I correct?”
           You nod. Of course, he was. Was it not obvious?
           “Karen and I are colleagues, and friends, should I be too bold to assume so. I can recognize that she is a physically beautiful woman, yes, and I’m sure some day she will make a man a very happy husband, should she wish. But her and I have a kinship, a partnership, not unlike what I believe you and Marcus might have had, that I too misinterpreted as love.”
           You sniff, closing your eyes tightly. What was he trying to tell you?
           Doctor Kreizler spins you around slowly, leading you to face him.
           “I do not harbour half the affection in my heart for Doctor Stratton as I do for you.”
           You freeze. “Doctor-“
           “Please,” he reaches up to cup your face, wiping away several of the tears that had fallen. “Please call me Laszlo. You are not the only one to have an epiphany after the loss of our friend, my dear. If you are being so honest with me, I feel it only right to offer you the same.”
           “Laszlo…” you whisper, meeting his eyes for the first time since he read your words. His heart breaks with the pain within them. “How can you do this? Look at me, hold me, when you see how broken I am? I’m undeserving-“
           “You would choose to love, to care for a cripple, a shell of a man in the eyes of society. A man who has too often neglected the children he cares for, often spat in the face of those he dares to call his friends. If either of us is undeserving of the other’s love, my dear, it’s me.”
           Your brows furrow angrily, reaching up to mirror him, cupping his own face with both of yours. “Laszlo Kreizler you stop that right now, I won’t hear any more of…you’re smiling. How could you be smiling?”
           He leans into one of your hands affectionately, a rare, dashing smile lighting up his features in a way you cherished to see, despite the circumstances. “Perhaps we are both wrong. Perhaps…perhaps we need each other, to use each other’s eyes and hearts to understand who we truly are. We both have such lowly opinions of ourselves but…perhaps it was meant to be.”
           Your own smile was beginning to form, despite your best efforts, as your brain’s screaming of all that could go wrong began to quieten.
           “I hesitate to believe in fate, Doctor…” you trail off, taking a step closer, your heart filled with hope and eyes filled with wonder. “I hesitate further to admit to needing someone, and yet…my brain is only ever kind and quiet when I’m around you.”
           Laszlo’s weaker arm rests on your hip, while the thumb of the hand caressing your face moves to trace your chin. “My language is not as…poetic, as yours, my dear,” he confesses, and you both chuckle, “but I very much would like to kiss you, with your permission.”
           “Laszlo, you could do anything to me,” you confess, reaching forward to finally meet his lips.
           It’s messy, and uncoordinated, but any lack of experience the pair of you may have is made up for by the pure, electric eagerness that overtakes the both of you. You’re both exploring, testing each other, in some give and take dance that does not seem to quell any emotions within you, instead quite the opposite.
           You could kiss him forever, you quickly realize.
           But by some cruel twist of fate, you have to pull away, air taking priority.
           You stare wildly at him as he breathes heavily, eyes darker than you had ever seen, with a sense of uncertainty that you hadn’t ever seen about him before.
           A teasing smile finds its way onto your face, as you can’t help but test your luck.
           “How far, exactly, did you read in my book?”
           He blinks at you a couple of times, uncertain of your line of questioning. “I read of your jealousy, of your shame, I don’t…I don’t believe I finished it all, I found I had to address the issue before I continued –“
           “Would you like to know what else was in there?”
           Laszlo appeared flustered as you led him back to his plush chair, and you knelt down between his legs to pick up the book that had fallen to the ground. You don’t offer it to him, however, instead putting it aside.
           “My dear, I don’t –“
           “I ask you to stop me, if my advances are too…forward to you, Laszlo.”
           You slowly rise from your place, moving to lift your skirts so you might position yourself above the Doctor, straddling him in his chair. As if on its own accord, his good hand rises to situate on your waist tightly. You gently grasp his weaker hand, his “broken wing”, and lift it to your mouth, delicately kissing the palm, each finger.
           Laszlo mutters your name, transfixed by your mouth’s movements.
           “I would love every part of you,” you begin, continuing your assault of affection as you whisper against the part of him, he views as most broken. “I would care for you in every capacity in which I’m capable. I would strive to be deserving of you in every which way.” You drop his hand and lean forward, hands grasping the back of the chair as you hold his gaze. “I would have you claim every part of me, I would have your marks for the world to see, if you wished. I’ve dreamt of you and I in the most compromising positions that I dare not say, on nearly every surface of your study, my bedroom, the Institute. I would give you every single piece of me, Laszlo, every ounce of my attraction. I would give you my darkest sins and my deepest pleasure, if you would allow me too. Please, Doctor Kreizler, let me please you.”
           You didn’t know what you were expecting from your confession.
           Perhaps you wondered if he would push you away, exclaiming that your desires were too much, your words too sinful, and that he would cease associations with you immediately. Perhaps you thought he would scold you for being too wanton, too unbecoming of a woman of your standing. Perhaps you hoped the worst that would happen is he would kiss you softly and instruct that you both go to bed in separate rooms, that more carnal needs could be discussed at a later date.
           Never in your wildest dreams did you expect to feel Laszlo shift and harden beneath you, eyes growing so dark they were nearly completely black, and have him reach his hand to curl around the back of your neck.
           And you certainly didn’t expect the deep growl that escaped him as his lips, tongue, and teeth clashed with yours frantically, animalistically.
           Neither of you had experience, you both knew this.
           But you both knew what you wanted, what you needed, and that would be enough to motivate you.
           You both took what you could, Laszlo leaving your lips to reach what he could of your neck, lavishing it with lips and tongue. He explored expertly, quickly learning what you liked based upon the quickening of your breath, of your pulse. What was left of his analytical mind was fascinated by the chain reaction of events, how you spurred each other on.
           When he nipped at your ear, your hips rolled uncontrollably, and a rough groan escaped him unconsciously.
           Fascinating indeed.
           He panicked slightly when you stood, wondering if he had stepped too far. The panic raised as you strode across his study, heading quickly to the door.
           “Wait, my dear, I-“
           “Calm down, Laszlo,” you hushed him, and he heard a loud click of the door locking from where he sat. “I merely don’t wish to be interrupted. If this is still what you wish.”
           He leans back in his chair, breathing heavily, observing you as you stand once again before him. “I should be asking you what you want, my darling.”
           You grin, shaking your head. “Was my speech before not enough for you to know what I want, Doctor Kreizler? Can you not infer exactly what I want from you from the writings in my journal? It’s your turn to share, else I might just leave you like this.”
           His good hand involuntarily juts forward, grasping yours desperately.
           “Don’t you dare.”
           You giggle, and he smiles at the sound.
           “Then, tell me what you wish, Doctor.”
           “I wish…” he trails off, watching as your hands move upward to begin slowly undressing yourself.
           “Yes?” You prompt him teasingly, continuing your motions. “Don’t mind me.”
           Laszlo shifts in his chair, erection clearly visible by the bulge in his slacks. “I…I wish…” his voice trails off again as his eyes take in every inch of your skin that’s uncovered. “I wish to be with you in every manner. Intellectually, spiritually, physically. I wish to connect with you in a way I never will with any other living creature on this Earth. I wish to feel you around me, to bring you to climax. I wish to fill you, to be yours, to fuck you, to make you Mrs. Kreizler…”
           He stops at that, only becoming aware of his own ramblings you straddled him once again, completely nude.
           The faintest voice in his head wondered if you made him stupid, but it was silence as his eyes took you in completely.
           “You are the most gorgeous specimen I’ve ever been graced with seeing, my love.”
           You pull him in to a languid kiss, gently tasting each other as your hand travels down his chest.
           “You speak of love, of my being Mrs. Kreizler…” you start, almost losing your train of thought as you feel him twitch beneath you, your hips rolling to meet his. “Another day I’ll ask you to remind me of those words. But for now…” you lean forward, mouth grazing his ear, causing him to shiver. “I need you to fuck me, Doctor Laszlo Kreizler.”
           For all of your faith in him, you don’t expect the next feat of strength.
           With only his good arm he manages to lift the pair of you from the chair, quickly placing you upwards and onto the desk of his own study, mindless of the papers underneath you, of any others that might be in the building as you shriek in surprise.
           He captures your mouth with his, more forceful, captivating, as his good hand explores your form, grasping both of your breasts before heading downwards to the warmth between your thighs. His fingers collect some of the wetness that had escaped your folds and examines it with an almost mocking scientific fascination.
           “Is this all for me, my darling?” he questions, and you find yourself at a loss for words as he curiously lifts his fingers to his mouth, his tongue slowly tasting you off of them.
           “Fuck, Laszlo,” you whisper, reaching forward to pull him in for a kiss again as he chuckles darkly against you.
           His teasing ends when your hands wander downward, now working at the buttons of his slacks frantically, your palm grazing across his length through his pants, causing him to gasp.
           “My God,” he pants out, and you pull him out of his slacks. He’s hard, warm, rigid in your palm, with veins and girth that you hadn’t imagined in any of your fantasies, but was now all you could imagine filling you, ending that emptiness that you felt.
           “Please,” you whimper, and he gently removes your hand, before lining his cock up with your entrance.
           He meets your eyes, checking one last time to ensure this was what you wanted.
           “Laszlo, please –“your begging is cut short as he breaches you slowly, pushing his full weight forward as the pair of you connect.
           It’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt.
           A tantalizing combination of pleasure and pain, your mind repeating an endless mantra of “Laszlo”, which you realize, when he’s fully inside, flush against you, that you’re muttering out loud.
           “Oh, my love,” he breathes, his damaged arm lightly resting on your thigh, his other gripping your hip so tightly you knew there would be marks.
           “You feel so right,” you mindlessly breathe, and you can’t help but moan at the feeling of him twitching inside you at the comment. You would remember that he likes praise, but…
“I don’t know that I will last long, my love,” Laszlo warns, his voice low, gravely, warm against your neck as he buries his face into it, pressing kisses into the skin of your shoulder.
It crosses your mind that you’re completely nude and he’s fully clothed, but the thought fills you with warmth rather than disappointment.
“Nor will I, but this will happen again, won’t it?” you question, a hint of doubt crossing your voice.
The Doctor silences it immediately, kissing you deeply. “Every night, every hour if you would let me, my darling. You are so wonderful…”
“Then please, fuck me Laszlo. I want to cum, I want you to fill me, I – oh!”
The first snap of his hips was relentless, and it was only more intense from there.
He was strong, sure of his movements, chasing his own pleasure and encouraging yours as much as he could, pressing kisses into your neck, your breasts, your lips, his good hand finding your hair tightly. Broken moans left you as dark, rasping breaths escaped him, and it was all too soon before you felt your peak approaching, familiar with the sensation from lonely nights with your own hand curiously working against yourself.
“Laszlo, Doctor Kreizler, I-“ at your moaning of his title, something in him snapped, and his teeth sunk into where your neck met your shoulder.
A deep cry left you as you reached your climax, a white-hot rush waving over you.
As your cunt clenched around him, Laszlo lost himself, growling his native German tongue as he lost his rhythm, heat filling you as he came.
You two didn’t have much time to come down from your highs, as the door to his home could be heard opening and closing from the floors below.
“Doctor Kreizler?” Sara Howard could be heard calling.
Your eyes wide, you rushed to put yourself back together, close wrinkled, roughly thrown back on and your hair being a wreck. You hoped you could pass it off as merely the result of a rough day, an intense mental break.
You turned to Kreizler, who was a picture of perfection, seeming to not be rattled by the events before…almost.
           “Back to the case…?” he trailed off, his voice filled with uncertainty, and you smiled fondly at the terribly awkward, intelligent man before you.
           You step forward and kiss him softly, the warmth between your legs and bruises on your thigh a reminder of what had just occurred.
           “Back to the case. We can continue our escapades when it’s all over, Doctor.”
           He chuckles, confidence returning to him as he nods. “I look forward to it.”
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certifiedskywalker · 4 years ago
Text
How to Make Small Talk in Five Simple Steps - Bucky Barnes
When people meet, they often use small talk as a means to negotiate and define the start of a new relationship. When you and Bucky meet, you both struggle to find the right words.
WARNING: talk of therapy, references to trauma and anxiety, and mild cursing
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I. Show genuine interest.
“You’re new.”
“Excuse me?”
You shifted in your seat and eyed the man sitting across from you in the waiting room. His piercing cerulean eyes were squinted in your direction, right where he aimed his question. Despite the puppy-like confusion apparent in the way his head was cocked to the side, there was an edge to the mystery man. Perhaps it came from his clothes.
The jacket he wore was pitch black, a leather-like material that squeaked against the back of his chair when he moved. It looked brand new. Not to mention the matching gloves. His hands, joined together and resting on his abdomen, were covered in thick, dark fabric. There was not an inch of skin exposed, save for his face.
Though judging by the permanent scowl etched on his lips as he stared at you in wait for your reply, perhaps the man’s harsh edge ran deeper.
“The waiting room never has had more than like four people in it at a time,” you explained. “Until this week, until you, I waited by myself. So, you’re new.”
“Great powers of observation,” he quipped, though his tone lacked any lightness typical of teasing.
He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his gloved hands against the tops of his thighs. He looked towards the twin pair of doors that fed into Dr. Raynor’s and Dr. Briam’s respective offices. You smiled to yourself at the sight: a big man, an otherwise scary man was nervous for therapy. You could sympathize as, not too long ago, you had been in his place.
“Was it an intervention? A work note? An epiphany?”
At your questions, the man fixed his gaze on you again. “What?”
“What brought you to the services of Raynor and Briam?”
“Do you always ask this many questions?” While his voice was without a cutting coldness, his question wounded you. You overstepped your bounds. Time to wage a retreat.
“Sorry,” you murmured as you curled up and in your seat.
You looked away from the man in the hopes of distracting yourself from the searing shame. Quickly, your attention found the colorful pile of untouched magazines set out on a nearby side table. Despite your apology, you could still feel the sharpness of his eyes on you.
When you grew back the nerve and snuck a glance back at him, the man’s gaze was still fixed on you. Alarms rang in your ears as you turned to face him from across the waiting room once more. For a long moment, you just gawked at each other, waited for the other to speak.
Finally, the tension broke and, simultaneously, you both said, “sorry.”
A breathy laugh slipped past your lips, tilted and light. “Talking isn’t one of my strong suits.”
“Not mine either, not anymore,” the man sighed. However faint, there were slight, upward pullings at the corners of his mouth. Not quite a smile, but close. Close enough that you felt a hopeful realization bloom in your chest. How handsome he would look with a real smile.
You met his eyes and asked, “can...can we just start over?”
“Yeah, yeah we can.”
“Great,” you reached out your right hand towards him, across the vastness of the waiting room like an olive branch. “I’m Y/N.”
He glanced from your hand to your eyes and back again before he hesitantly extended his left. The tips of your fingers brushed and you saw the man’s body tense. After a moment passed, he joined your hands. His grip was strong and tight and, despite the glove, cold.
“Hi, Y/N.” Against your will, a fuller smile played on your lips, satisfied by how smooth your name sounded in his mouth. “I’m Bucky.”
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II. Ask open-ended questions.
“How would you describe yourself?”
“What?”
“How would you describe yourself?” You echoed, a little louder than the first time.
“What do you mean?”
With a groan, you stood from your seat and strode over to where Bucky sat across from you. You settled in the seat beside him and held the magazine you were reading out to him. Empathetically, you pointed at the first question of the lifestyle quiz you found. Bucky squinted at the small typography and scoffed.
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“It’s a quiz in a magazine,” you pointed out, “it’s not supposed to make sense.”
“But am I a ‘curious cat stalking along a window sill’ or a ‘peaceful breeze blowing through a seashell windchime’? What...what does that even mean?” Bucky glanced from the page to you with furrowed brows.
“Which one speaks to you?”
“I don’t know. Is there a dejected crocodile or something?”
You laughed at his question, at the imagery of a saddened gator, and fought to catch your breath. When you finally were able to fill your lungs and meet Bucky’s gaze, you saw that he was serious. His blue eyes were fixed on you with a stillness that startled you. Curiosity struck you, just as it did the first day you saw him.
“A crocodile? Why a crocodile?” Your eyes flicked over Bucky’s face, trying to read his reaction to your query. He met your gaze before he pulled back and sighed.
“I saw some in Africa when I...I lived there. They seemed hostile.”
“You’re hostile?” You raised a brow at him as you asked. You made a mental note to ask him about his stint in Africa later.
Bucky met your eyes and replied, “when provoked. When I don’t have a choice.”
“Well that’s not dark or ominous,” you jeered. When he didn’t make a quip back at you, you pressed your lips into a thin line. “You’re here for anger issues then?”
A heavy sigh rolled through Bucky’s chest. He looked away, up towards the windows of the waiting room that were put far too high along the grey wall, too high to reach. Then, all at once, he was far away, lost in thoughts and feelings you were not privy to, despite longing to be. There was something about Bucky that was still a mystery to you and carried the same spark of newness that endeared you to him.
“There were times where I lost control,” he admitted as he looked back at you. “I’m trying to make amends.”
“Sounds like it was an intervention that brought you here.” You silently hoped that your teasing would lessen the sudden tension that grew between you.
“It wasn’t an intervention,” he replied, his eyes drifting back up towards the window.
You frowned at his distant expression. It hit you, in that moment, that Bucky was still a stranger. His truth, his truths, were still hidden to you. You wanted to ask him so many questions but you knew better than to venture too far. The first exchange you had with Bucky taught you that.
So, instead, you turned in the chair beside him and held out the magazine so you both could read through the next few quiz questions. You had to start somewhere.
“I’m putting you down as a ‘curious cat’,” you said, “you seem like a cat guy. Aloof.”
Following your statement, a hum of amusement reached your ears. You glanced at Bucky and saw that the softest of smiles rested on his lips. Pleased with yourself, you looked back to the magazine and read off the next question.
“Alright so, ‘Reach back to your inner-child and ask yourself: what do you want to be when you grow up’, Bucky?”
“Is ‘just okay’ an option? Or ‘happy’?”
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III. Never get too personal.
“You’re late.”
“I had an errand,” Bucky replied as he fell into the seat beside you. His seat.
“An errand? What are you, fifty?”
“I wish.”
“What? You want to be older?” You eyed Bucky warily.
“Youn-” he met your gaze and saw the confusion in your face. “Nevermind.”
“You’re a strange one, Bucky...Bucky...what’s your last name?”
“Nunya,” he replied, without missing a beat; but you knew this joke. You raised a brow at him and released a long, unamused sigh through your nose.
“Nunya business?”
“Damn right.”
There was a bitter, closed-lip smile on Bucky’s face as he spoke. Despite the expression, his eyes did not linger long on you. At the angle you sat at, you thought you saw his slightly upturned mouth fall, too easily, into a frown. You assumed that it was because you ruined his extremely outdated joke.
Gently, you bumped your shoulder against his. “We gotta get you new material.”
“Or what? People will think I’m fifty?”
He met your gaze with a bored look on his face. In spite of your best efforts to reply with a quick, witty retort, you found yourself immersed in Bucky’s presence. His cerulean eyes never left yours and you felt your resolve begin to melt. Your eyes flicked across his face, to his scruff-covered jaw and soft pink lips. It took all of your strength to meet Bucky’s eyes again and form a somewhat full sentence.
“Not looking as good as you do.”
You meant to fire it back, make it sting despite your words being more of a compliment than an insult. But the words were soft, a murmur that contained too much of your heart, and betrayed your true thoughts. You felt that truth and quickly averted your gaze to the too-high windows. Bucky let out a pleased huff.
“Careful. That almost sounded like flattery, Y/N...Y/N...what’s your last name?”
You rolled your eyes. “Okay, yeah, I get it. None of my business.”
A strained silence fell over the two of you. The dulled ticking of the waiting room clock soaked in the empty space that your voices once filled. Part of you feared that Bucky could hear the pounding of your heart. You were all too aware of the steady, thundering thumping in your chest.
In an attempt to muffle or overshadow the wild beating of your heart, you asked, “have you been given therapy homework yet?”
“Sort of,” Bucky replied, “kind of. It’s more self-assigned.”
“You’re an overachiever, then, huh?”
Your teasing, the distance your humor put you at, restored a level of comfort. In it, you felt confident enough to meet Bucky’s eyes. As you turned, your gaze trailed up his chest, skimmed along the cozy-looking material of his grey shirt. A striking glimpse of metal caught your attention, but Bucky’s voice coaxed your eyes to his.
“I wouldn’t call myself that,” he sighed, and he raised his hands. “I’m pretty average.”
“I doubt that,” you scoffed as you shook your head.
“Really?”
You turned your head to meet Bucky’s eyes and, again, you felt the thumping in your chest hasten. “Really.”
“Bold of you to assume. You don’t even know my last name.”
“Yet,” you pressed, “you’ll spill it to me one of these days. You may look good, but you also look like you need the therapy. We’ll be seeing each other often.”
A stunted laugh slipped out of Bucky’s mouth. He rarely laughed. If you could get half a smile out of him you were pleased. So, when a chuckle did slip, you savored the sound.
You let yourself watch him, how his head tilted back slightly when he looked up to the windows of the waiting room. It was then you saw the glint of a metal chain around his neck. You traced the shining material with your gaze until you saw the two dog tags that rested against his chest. The lapel of his jacket nearly obscured them, but you managed to read one in full.
James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes. Sargent. Camp Lehigh. DOB: 1917.
Based on the year, the date of birth, it had to be a relative, a grandfather, or an uncle, with the same name. As well as the same nickname? However strange it was, you knew Bucky’s last name: Barnes. Yet, you would wait for him to tell you himself. He would, one day.
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IV. Practice active listening.
He was quiet, more so than usual.
When you walked into the waiting room, Bucky was already there, sat in his seat. When you greeted him, he didn’t respond. He only nodded and leaned heavily against the back of his chair. It didn’t take long for you to note the dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes and the more prominent lines of his face. The evidence of his lack of sleep was clear.
“You alright?”
“No.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“No.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s what Raynor is for. But I’m here if you change your mind,” and, added as an afterthought, “if you need me.”
Bucky didn’t say a word. His gaze remained fixed on the wall ahead, the black greyness that stood like stone across from you. Worry struck your chest with a sudden ache. It didn’t help that his silence stung. All-day you looked forward to seeing Bucky, but he was so far away.
Even when you looked at him, Bucky seemed small. Almost as if he were sat a few seats down rather than in the one right beside yours. You raked your eyes over his form, desperate for any sign that he was present, in the moment with you. As you drank him in, Bucky remained unmoved and as out of reach as the waiting room windows.
Aside from the exhaustion clear on his face, he held himself as he normally did. There was a slight slouch in his shoulders, that would disappear when he stood, and his arms rested against the supports the chair provided. Your eyes graced over his chest. Beneath his standard dark jacket, he wore a charcoal grey shirt and, if you looked long enough, you thought you saw his dog tags sticking out against the fabric. He kept them hidden, except for the last time you saw him.
Aside from his tired appearance, Bucky looked the same. Had it been just a rough night? Or did something happen? Outside of the waiting room, you knew little to nothing about Bucky. You considered Googling him, just to see what would pop up. Maybe he had an Instagram or a Facebook you could stalk; though the thought of seeing him with his arm slung over some old lover made your stomach churn. It was better to keep the Internet’s knowledge about Bucky Barnes a secret despite how desperately you wanted to know more.
The temptation to ask him, prod him to get some sort of answer, or answers, was strong. To combat it, you picked up a copy of Sports Illustrated. Not your first choice, but you needed to ease the itch of curiosity. Plus, the post-Blip world was a wild one, even for professional sports teams.
Feigning interest in the politics of football proved more difficult than you first imagined. Like the rest of the world, the realm of sports was floundering with its struggle to manage newly returned players and the teams they scraped together during their five-year absence. You began to wonder which half Bucky found himself with. Had he disappeared or had he remained? You still were unsure as to which was better.
It was part of why you used the therapy services Dr. Briam provided. Was that why Bucky met with Dr. Raynor? Just as your mind started to wander through every possibility, your quiet companion shifted in his seat. You looked over to him only to find his eyes were fixed on you.
“Nightmares,” he murmured. Your brows furrowed and you felt a frown form on your lips.
“Do you want to talk about them?”
Bucky hesitated and you saw the glimmer of a maybe in his eyes before he replied with another curt, “no.”
“Okay. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.”
He didn’t respond. Instead, Bucky’s eyes flicked down to the carpeted floor below his booted feet. You looked at the same spot but saw nothing. Slowly, you returned your gaze to Bucky, studied how his left arm rested near your right one. He was closer now, and you wanted to keep him that way.
Carefully, almost as if you were reaching out to a wounded animal, you extended your right hand. Your fingertips brushed against his left forearm and Bucky flinched. At his movement, you paused, looked to his face for permission. His eyes were stilled fixed on the floor and you could almost hear him slipping so far away again, crashing into the untamable waves his nightmares left in their wake.
To anchor him, you grabbed his hand. You didn’t squeeze, fearing it would be too much. You simply held his left hand in your right and silently marveled at how cool it felt beneath the material of his glove. A moment passed and Bucky didn’t react. You took a deep breath and resigned yourself back to the uninteresting issue of Sports Illustrated in your free hand.
A minute of silent reading went by when you felt his grip tighten around your hand. You didn’t dare to say a word. You only listened to the shuddering relief of his next breath.
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V. Put your phone away.
“What was that?”
“My phone.”
“Really? I thought it was a lightbulb,” you rolled your eyes. “I’m aware it’s a phone.”
“How could I forget your great powers of observation.” Playing into your mild offense, Bucky feigned a frightfully embarrassed slap to his forehead.
“Funny,” you grumbled, “but it looked like you had a shit ton of missed calls.”
“Were you spying on me?”
You raised your hands in defense. “You pulled the phone out and the appallingly long list of uncleared notifications disgusted me.”
“I can’t figure out how to clear them.”
“You just swipe and then there’s a little ‘Clear’ button you press.” Bucky frowned and reached back into his jacket pocket. He pulled out his phone and held it out to you. Dumbfounded by this action, you glanced up from the dark screen and back to Bucky’s eyes. He gestured to the device and nodded.
“Can you show me?”
“Uh, I, yeah. Yeah, I can. Can you um-”
“Oh,” Bucky pulled his phone back to him and typed in the passcode to unlock it. When he handed it back to you, you were met with a horribly unorganized home screen and a messaging app icon with over a hundred missed texts. You glanced up from the phone and to Bucky, ready to teasingly chastise him for the state of his device.
But, when you moved to look him in the eyes, you nearly knocked your head against his. He was leaning over, close to your shoulder, prepared to study your message-clearing technique. Though, when your eyes fell to him, his attention was refocused on you. In that instant, a rush of warmth overwhelmed your senses.
He was so close you could smell the leather of his jacket and whatever generic brand soap he used in the shower. You could also feel his breath dance along the skin of your face and neck. It stirred goosebumps to life and sent a shiver down your spine. In an effort to suppress the tremble that threatened to overtake you, you turned your eyes back to his phone.
“So, all you need to do is drag down the top screen and,” you quickly walked him through the steps of clearing his message notifications. A lot were from someone named Sam, who asked how Bucky was, where he was, and if he was attending a memorial service or not. Before you saw too much, you handed Bucky his phone back.
“That’s it?” He mirrored your movements and old messages began to disappear off his screen.
“Yup,” you breathed, “just like that.”
“Alright, but then how do I add a new contact?”
“You really don’t know how to do that? How old are you?” You held out your hand and he wordlessly placed his phone back in your grasp. “You just click on ‘Contacts’ and hit ‘Add New Contact’ and put in their information.”
“You should put yours in.”
Another rush of heat washed over and through you as you looked up at Bucky. There was a startling seriousness in his face, lessened only by the hints of a smile on his lips. Your mouth opened but no words came out. At least, not at first.
“What?”
“Your number, you should give me your number. If you want.”
“Y-Yeah.” In a numbed, almost mechanical manner, you entered your contact information before you handed back his phone. “There I am.”
“There you are,” Bucky echoed softly. He barely met your eyes but he didn’t seem unnerved, at least not as shaken as you felt. He was perfectly and horribly unfazed by the implications of his words. Or maybe you were reading into it. So much of Bucky was still a mystery to you. He still hadn’t told you his last name!
But you knew of his nightmares. You didn’t know the names of the ghosts that haunted him, but you knew they existed and that they scared him. It didn’t scare you. You had your own skeletons, and you held in your heart some strange longing to know his.
As if hoping to sneak a glance at them, you gazed up at Bucky. His eyes found yours in an instant and you wondered if he was ready and willing to talk to you about his nightmares. Or maybe he was finally going to tell you his last name. Or just tell you something about him.
Just as his pink lips parted, the door to Dr. Raynor’s office opened with a click. The small, otherwise unnoticed sound, snapped the tension that budded between you and Bucky.
In turn, you and Bucky, looked over to find Dr. Raynor. She poked her head out from behind the door, just as she had many times before. Her dark-framed glasses were perched on the bridge of her nose as she eyed Bucky, sending him a silent, eerie greeting. She looked as frightening and hawk-like as ever.
“Ready for you,” she deadpanned.
Bucky nodded and stood from his chair. You watched him walk over towards Dr. Raynor’s door. It nearly broke your heart when he didn’t look back at you, though you weren’t quite sure why.
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VI. Longing.
You wiped at your eyes as you strode out of Dr. Briam’s office. Knowing full well that Bucky wasn’t in the waiting room, as his sessions with Dr. Raynor started earlier than yours with Briam, you charged towards the door. The next two clients that sat in the plush chairs eyed you and the tears streaming down your cheeks as you passed by.
You were long past caring about what anyone else thought. Hell, you barely noticed their thrown gazes as you pushed open the door to the office building and stomped out into the daylight. Once you were stood on the top stair, you took a deep breath. You felt your lung swell and, as you held in the air for a few more seconds, you imagined your every anxiety being pushed out with your long exhale.
Dr. Briam’s technique helped as you felt your shoulders sink with a sudden, but not total, loss of tension. Tears still slipped down your cheeks as you made your way down the stairs. You wiped at them as you started your journey home. Home, yes, there you could curl up and disappear for a few hours. That was what you needed.
Everything and everyone else was too much. Well, nearly everyone else.
Still walking at a fast pace, you barely noticed the blur of dark clothes that stepped towards you. That was until you felt someone grab your upper arm. You nearly shrieked and prepared to make a scene when you looked up. A pair of cerulean blue eyes found your gaze and almost instantly eased your panic.
“Bucky! You scared the shit out of me!”
He let go of your arm and raised his hands. “Sorry.”
“Why are you lingering?” You asked, fixing your slightly disheveled clothes. Relatively satisfied with your handiwork, you focused back on Bucky. His eyes had never left your figure. “Bucky?”
“I...you seemed quiet today and I didn’t ask about it. So, I just wanted to make sure that you were alright but,” he reached out a brushed a tear from your cheek, “you’re not.”
“Is anyone really ever alright?” You forced a smile to your lips, an expression that Bucky mirrored sympathetically before he frowned. “I’m fine. You can go, you’re probably busy.”
You thought bitterly of the mystery person, Sam.
“At least let me walk you home.”
“Well, aren’t you the gentleman,” you joked, silently hoping that it would deter him. Yet, Bucky lingered and looked at you as seriously as ever. “Okay.”
Quickly, Bucky fell into step at your side as you maneuvered through writhing throngs of people on their way to and from. Every so often, your hand knocked against his gloved one and made your insides twist. The twisting turned to aching on the occasions where Bucky held your elbow and guided you around a particularly messy bunch of commuters.
“You walked this way for each session?”
“Each session,” you replied, looking up at Bucky. “Why?”
“Jus’ seems really busy.”
“It’s not always this bad. Plus, there’s a nice little park down over, oh! Right here.”
You stopped and gestured to a small fountain surrounded by benches. Manicured green knolls of grass and scattered, flowering trees surrounded the little park, which was empty compared to the streets. You glanced at Bucky and nudged his shoulder with yours.
“Sit with me?”
“Yeah,” Bucky nodded and he let you guide him over to one of the benches. With a huff, you sat down and he followed suit. The wooden planks of the bench creaked under his added weight and, as if ushered by the sound, Bucky leaned closer to you.
You watched him as he took in your new surroundings. It looked as if he were surveying the area for any threats that could be hiding in the shadows. Perhaps that was why Bucky was such an enrapturing mystery to you: he always looked ready for a fight. Like his dejected crocodile, he was just waiting to be provoked. You were ready to do just that after weeks of tiptoeing around him.
“You never told me,” you said softly. Your voice coaxed Bucky’s eyes to yours.
“Told you what?”
“Why you came to Dr. Raynor.”
Bucky frowned and after a long pause he sighed. “A court order.”
“A court order? That’s…impressive? I don’t know the context, so, I can’t, and won’t, judge.”
Bucky let out a breathy, almost nervous-sounding chuckle as his gaze fell to the pavement. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me. I think if you did, you would judge.”
You furrowed your brows and waited for Bucky to look back at you. When he did, you felt your breath catch. In the sunlight, his eyes seemed brighter. Though, the heaviness of his knitted brow stole away their shine. He really believed you would judge him, after everything?
“Try me.”
“Y/N-”
“I want to know.” Bucky frowned but you pressed on. “I want to know you, Bucky.”
“Are you sure?”
“You’re kidding, right? You’re...interesting. Equally annoying and mysterious. It helps that you’re,” you sighed, “you’re good-looking too.”
A smile, the biggest you had ever seen Bucky put spread along his lips. His gaze fell to the sidewalk bashfully before he met your eyes once more. You thought back to the day you met and found yourself breaking out into a grin. He did look handsome when he really smiled.
“I’m nothing compared to you,” Bucky replied. “Talkin’ about both good-looking and annoying.”
“Then you know I won’t stop pestering you until you start to share,” you shifted towards him. “I want to know who you are, Bucky.”
His eyes flickered down from yours to your lips and back again. “What if I don’t really know myself?”
“Then start with what you do know.” You held out both of your hands towards him. Bucky glanced down at your open palms. When he met your gaze you saw a glint of fear that quickly melted into, what you could only describe as, relief.
Wordlessly, Bucky lifted his hands and began to peel off his gloves. First was his right. The sight of fingers made you strangely giddy. You had never seen the skin of his hands before. Then, he moved to his left and, finger by finger, he pulled the glove off. Sleek, shining, and metal, Bucky’s left hand was exposed.
You inhaled sharply at the sight but did not flinch away. Instead, you met Bucky’s eyes again and nodded. Carefully, he grabbed both of your hands in his. The contrast of his warm flesh and the cool, steel-like material sent a shock down your spine. You studied your joined hands before you looked back up at Bucky. A trembling breath rattled in his chest.
“I am James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes. I’m from Brooklyn and I used to be the Winter Soldier.”
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byorder-fanfic · 3 years ago
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How They Look After You When it Gets Bad: John
Requested by @apollonshootafar
Preference Masterlist
Warnings: Reader going through a hard time, touch aversion, sexual remarks and suggestions, swearing and mentions of injury
Word count: 1608
Author's Note: I'm nearly done with these, just had a bit of a block trying to get this one done. Hopefully you like it and if you do, I absolutely love to hear your comments and I appreciate your reblogs. I think John might be a little OOC here, but I tried. I'm always here to talk if you need it.
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(Gif by @peakascum) (and....)
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(Gif by @talicat713) (cause that face holding thing john does is the premise of this fic)
John always loved to have his hands on you, his cheeky grin pressed into the side of your neck as he whispered jokes and suggestions to get you giggle. And it wasn't just when the two of you were alone. No, he seemed to become all that more handsy (if it were possible) whenever his family was near. You often said it was as if he were claiming you, showing his possession with each imprint made on the softest parts of your body. Like a bloody dog pissing on his property. He just gave you a shit-eating grin and called you kinky. You rather liked the attention, to be honest. It wasn't as if it were violating or unwanted, even if you've rolled your eyes at his touch more times than you could count. Truth was, he made you feel attractive. Desirable. Good. There never was a time when his hand on your hip made you feel anything but loved or safe. Your big bad Blinder boyfriend who pouted like a wounded pup when you were too busy washing up to hold his hand. John may have made his constant touching seem like a thing of bravado- a masculine need to claim and possess. However, the both of you knew the real reason why the two of you were attached at the hip: John was clingy as hell. When you'd confronted him on that hypothesis, his whole face turned red, right to the tips of his ears. He was stuttering out excuses (it was a damned strange thing to see you smooth-talking lover start choking out sentences) and you swore he was making his voice go lower, trying to gain some fragile sense of masculinity. In the end, you just grabbed his belt loop and pulled him to against the front of your body. You felt all of him relax as soon as he felt the warmth of your skin seep through both of your clothes, the feel of your hand at the bottom of his abdomen and your lips barely an inch from his. His hands immediately wrapped around you, all embarrassment cooling off him in a sigh of relief. "Don't worry, love, it'll be our little secret, ey?" You whispered as you stroked through his hair. After that, John had continued being just as bold as the day you met him when you were in sight of others. As soon as you stepped into the threshold of home, though, he was nigh-on begging for your touch at every available moment. You were used to him teasing you, trying to excite you and get into bed whenever the house was empty. But when you were dishing up dinner, with the grumbling of four hungry kids, the last thing you wanted was John pawing at your busy hands for a touch. His touch had always been a wonderful thing- then it wasn't. You didn't know when the change began, only that your tired muscles didn't ease when his strong arms were wrapped around you, your heart didn't flutter like it used to when he kissed the back of your hand, and you didn't feel so warm when he grabbed your waist at the pub. All you could feel was the uncomfortable imprint of skin, and you didn't know why. You still loved John. God, did you love him. You loved when he smiled at you from across the room, eyes ignoring every other person that as vying for his attention, and landing entirely on you and only you. Maybe you were a bit possessive too. You loved him when he came home from long nights, weary and barely mumbling a good night as he jumped into bed next to you. He snored like a lion and fell asleep quicker than the four kids in the room next door. You loved him when he cam home bloody and beaten. He always at down in a chair whilst you tended to his cuts and bruises, his hands between his knees and head bent like a prayer, and you always presses a kiss to his forehead before he even started to recoil from his position and hold you, his head pressed against your belly. You loved John. But his touch had lately been too much. Of course, you didn't tell him that. You were pretty sure John would die if he wasn't close to you for even ten minutes, he'd die, and you weren't willing to test out that theory. Instead, you gave a little smile when he came up behind you as you washed the dishes and wrapped his arms around your waist. You let him nuzzle his nose into your neck,
letting the discontent be seen only over his shoulder. It made you feel fragile, and stiff. John was asking you more and more, "Is this okay?" and "Can I touch you please?" and each time you perfected the art of saying yes convincingly. Sometimes though you watched him, snoring the house down at night, and whispered the words in the dead of night where not even the monster that lived in Katie's wardrobe could hear: "Help me, John." It was at the Garrison where you spilt over. After a long day, you were looking for a drink with your mates not another chance for John to grasp at you. You were just sat side by side in the snug, laughing at some stupid joke John had made (at the expense of their dear and absent cousin Michael) when you felt it. As soon as he had caught his breath after calling that certain 'big boss' a prick, his hand had landed on your knee. It shocked you at first, as John had been remarkably restrained all night. You thought it was cause of Tommy, who'd given both of you the side eye when you'd walked in, and said he didn't want any funny business. He hadn't touched you till that moment and it made you freeze. It took one flinch of your knee and his hand slipped away, but it didn't slip from sight. You could feel all the eyebrows in the room raising, even John's. "Hey, you and Y/N having a tiff ey, John boy?" Arthur chuckled to himself. You knew you must have made a face comparable to the horrible feeling inside, because as soon as he said it you saw his smile drop into regret. Arthur wasn't really a thinker, so you knew he never meant to say anything. Still, you didn't let him say his apology as you muttered something about being tired and jumped from your seat, walking out of the Garrison so quick you could've swore you were running. "Y/N! LOVE, HEY WAIT!" You heard John scream at you from down the street. Subtlety wasn't his specialty. You turned around, the tears stinging your eyes not quite clouding the clear worry on his face. "What's wrong, hey, love, please-" He stepped forward to hug you but you took a step back, head nodding wildly. The hurt in his face was as painful as if you had smacked him. And you hated yourself for it. "What did I do?" His voice trembled. His voice never fucking trembled. "I'm- I'm so fucking sorry, John, I love you, I swear." You felt every ounce of guilt in you swell up and pour itself into tears. "I don't know what's fucking wrong with me, why I can't just let you freaking touch me!" He moved forward again, arms out in a hug. Then he stopped, realising what he was doing and awkwardly settled his arms back down. "Shit, sorry love, it's just me, you know? I need to touch you." H scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "I don't know what it is, John." You said it again. "I love you, though. I love you." "I know," his cockiness had risen from its slumber. "And I love you too. If you don't want me to touch, then I won't." He held up his hands in surrender. "I can control myself." "No you can't," you quipped back, a smirk settling on your lips too. "No, but I will," he admitted. "If it's what you want." You nodded shyly, still feeling far too guilty and far too far away from him. "Here I was thinking I'd hurt you somehow, and all you needed was a bit of space," he sighed, the relief obvious in the little upturns of his mouth. "John, give me your hand," you said, an idea forming. He looked at you with furrowed brows but did so none the less. His hand still had faded bruises on the knuckles, covered up by an abundance of rings, a burn mark from his cigar hidden on the side of his middle finger, and you sought out for the crease on his palm which he swore on your first date meant that he was the best kisser you'd ever had. You didn't think it was palmistry that made that a fact. Gently, you pressed his hand on the side of your face over your hair. It was like a ghost of a touch, but you leaned into the curve of his palm lightly. "This is okay," you told him, John was perfectly still, looking at you with a cautious awe, his hand not daring to move from your assigned spot.
After a moment, he smirked again and got that cheeky look you adored: "So does this no touch thing mean no sex or-" He was cut off by you dropping his hand, rolling your eyes and walking away. "Wait no babe I was only joking!"
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kung-laos-hat · 4 years ago
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Infatuation
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Liu Kang x Fem!Reader
This is my first fic on here :) not proof read yet‼️
Summary: Reader was an orphan Raiden found and raised in the temple. Despite being close in ages, Kung Lao and Liu were forbidden from really interacting with her because Raiden feared they’d become a distraction to each other. One night Liu Kang catches her sneaking around the temple, and doesn’t hesitate to seize the opportunity to talk to her
It was no secret that out of all the students Master Raiden took on, (Y/n) was by far one of his favorites. Although he would never dare to outright say it, the proof of this matter became pretty evident in their day to day life. (Y/n) was always the pupil standing behind him or to the side whenever another god payed the temple a visit, she was always given the most formidable missions and tasks, and to top it all off, she trained one-on-one with the Master himself and forbid most of the monks from interacting with her.
Now, Raiden could have placed this rule down for several reasons, but the most prominent one seemed to be because (Y/n) was the only female amongst his students, and so he mandated this in order to protect her well being. After all, who knew what evil might lurk in the hearts of these young men, Raiden thought. As one of his best pupils, (Y/n) couldn’t afford any distractions, nor could the others such as Liu Kang or Kung Lao.
Aside from that, Raiden had raised (Y/n) since she was a child, and as much as he hated to admit, he’d grown rather fond of her as not only a student, but as a daughter. So why wouldn’t he want to ensure no monk came to mettle in her business?
___
Raiden’s rule came with strict precautions and schedules to ensure (Y/n) would never really have to interact with the young men. I say young, because at the end of the day, (Y/n) needed someone to spar with, and Raiden couldn’t always be the one to fight her, so he permitted one of the trustworthy older monks to train with her under supervision every once and a while. Other than that, (Y/n)’s social interactions were limited to the household workers, such as the nurses.
This didn’t mean (Y/n) was oblivious to the existence of the monks around her age or younger. As the years carried on, and (Y/n) blossomed into a young woman, Raiden thought it was suitable to have her assist the children in their training. Her presence, he found, had a calming effect on the children and they quickly took a liking to her. However, this new position allowed her to see the monks around her age in passing or on the other side of the training grounds.
Still, none of them ever spoke to her outside of the casual greetings, thank you’s, and goodbyes.
___
“Do you want spar again later on today?” Liu Kang asked as he took a seat on the ground next to Kung Lao and grabbing his water.
Kung Lao ushered for him to pass the water to him. “Mmm,” He hummed thoughtfully, “We could try, but I think Master Raiden is having the younger monks use the training grounds while he’s out.”
Liu handed him the water and ran a sweaty hand through his hair. “If he’s out, then who’s leading them?”
Kung Lao took a generous sip from the bottle and placed it on the ground. “(Y/n)(L/n) is.” He answered, wiping his chin with the back of his hand.
“(Y/n)?” Liu furrowed his brows together in confusion. “She’s been here just as long as I have, yet I don’t believe I’ve ever held an actual conversation with her.”
Kung Lao huffed, “Good. Master would have your head if you did.”
Liu gave him a puzzled look.
“Elder god’s rule!” Kung Lao cheered with false enthusiasm, “None of us are allowed to bother her. But as you can see, she’s been placed in charge of the children, so who knows? It doesn’t seem reasonable to me, really.”
“Huh.” Liu mused. I suppose he’d gotten so accustomed to his schedule that he didn’t even notice how little he interacted with the girl. Hell, he’d completely forgotten about that dumb rule.
“She’s an interesting girl, that’s for sure,” Kung Lao continued.
Just as he said that, the door in the hallway connected to their training court opened and the girl in question emerged, making her way down the hallway.
“Speak of the devil, there she is,” Kung Lao laughed.
(Y/n) turned her head at the sound of his voice and offered them both a smile and a wave as she passed by.
Kung Lao waved back enthusiastically. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” He whispered to Liu, but Liu was too captivated to respond.
His jaw loosened and all he could do was stare at her and only her, as if he was a camera in portrait mode. The wold around her seemed to blur and the light of the sun reflecting off of her skin and clothes made it seem like she was glowing. Liu Kang took in as much detail as he could; the tilt of her head, how her hair framed her face, the curve of her smile, everything. It all seemed magnificent and surreal.
He’d seen her before, surely, but somehow in that very moment something clicked in his mind. Something deep inside him had begun to build up and bubbled it’s way around his entire body. Liu felt like he was sick, but there was no nausea and his body didn’t ache. Instead his throat felt as it had closed and his chest tingled and burned. He brought a hand up and clenched the fabric in between his pectorals. As (Y/n)’s figure disappeared into the other side of the temple, Liu exhaled sharply.
“Liu?”
Perhaps this was the first time he’d taken the time to truly look at her, and that’s why he was feeling this way.
“Liu Kang?”
Maybe he’d been too concentrated on training and improving himself.
Liu was pulled out of his thoughts by Kung Lao flicking his forehead as hard as he could.
“OW— Lao—,” He whined.
Kung Lao chuckled, “I said your name twice.”
Liu’s frown dropped, “Oh, I apologize.” His gaze fell down to his feet in embarrassment.
A sly smile tugged at the ends of Kung Lao’s mouth as he realized what was going through Liu’s head.
“As I was saying,” He cleared his throat, “She’s beautiful. Truly something special, huh?” He teased.
Liu let out a sarcastic laugh and shoved the other male playfully.
The next couple of days Liu’s infatuation with (Y/n) would only grow stronger and more visible to Kung Lao and the others around them. It was interesting to see Liu become passionate about something other than being the “chosen one” for a change. Now the question was how long would it take before he couldn’t help but approach her?
___
Another tedious lesson was over and the two friends could not have been more eager to burst out of the room down roam the halls of the temple to their rooms, but Liu and Kung Lao knew better than to display such uncultivated behavior in front of their master. Once they and the other boys had been dismissed and were out of view from Raiden, Liu began his usual tangent.
“I saw her twice after morning practice, did I tell you?” He began stretching his arms above his head, “I waved and she—,”
“I know, Liu.” Kung Lao chuckled, “You told me all of this during our lunch. I’m beginning to think you’re becoming a little... obsessed with poor (Y/n).”
Liu slapped Kung Lao’s shoulder playfully, “I’m not obsessed, I assure you. I’m just curious as to why Master Raiden won’t let us talk to her.”
Kung Lao opened the pathway to their rooms and shook his head and they continued to walk. “I’m sure he has his reasons. And besides, it’s not good to be so fixated on this when you should be focused on training, Liu.”
Liu cocked and eyebrow at his friend. “What do you mean?”
Kung Lao stopped walking and gave him and knowing look, the corners of his mouth pulling up in amusement as if he was refraining a smile. “Don’t pretend like that little slip up during sparing a day ago while (Y/n) entered happened by sheer coincidence.”
Liu huffed and turned his face away stubbornly. “I didn’t expect her to be watching. I’m not used to fighting with an audience quite yet, that’s all.”
Now that was definitely a lie. Kung Lao knew Liu Kang saw himself as the golden boy amongst their peers, and who could blame him. He was a magnificent fighter.
“If that’s what you want me to believe, then so be it.” Kung Lao flicked the other boy’s forehead, then went off to tidy himself up before bed.
It wasn’t terribly late into the evening yet, but late enough that the sun has completely gone down and most of the temple residents were already asleep. Liu followed in his cousin’s footsteps and heading towards the showers. Afterwards the two boys spent another hour or so talking and playing games together until Kang Lao finally bid Liu goodnight.
Liu stayed behind to put away their things and was about to head out for the night, but when he stepped out into the open grand hall he noticed a figure quickly hide themselves behind one of the columns in the distance. His first reaction would of been to pounce and attack the being right then and there, but he knew he’d have to deal with a lot of angry side eyed glances tomorrow if it turned out to be a false alarm. A stealthy approach was better.
The boy casually pretended as if he was entering another section of the temple and hid behind the wall until he heard feint footsteps going the opposite direction. He took this opportunity to create some distance between him and the figure, just enough that it’d be difficult for them to sense them, but still allowed Liu to follow them.
Down the grand hall, towards the back of the temple, out into the training courts, and...
Into the greenhouse?
If this was a thief, they obviously weren’t a very smart one, for nothing of value would be found in the garden, Liu thought to himself. The garden itself was nothing impressive. Just a small room that was barely the size of a large shed. It contained a collection of flowers, potted trees and herbs that the nurses kept to replenish their stock every once and a while. Liu Kang peered in from the distance behind one of the trees outlining the entrance way, and finally identified the being as the girl he’d been thinking about nearly all week.
It was (Y/n). She placed a lantern that she’d been carrying with her onto the ground and look out a match from her pocket, then crouched down beside it. Seeing as the temple was in no danger, Liu Kang turned around to leave, but the shuffle of the branches startled (Y/n). She quickly summoned her (weapon/power) and darted out of the greenhouse. In her panic, the girl executed one swift blow to the tree, which Liu ducked and narrowly dodged.
“Calm yourself! It’s just me!” Liu whisper-yelled as he revealed himself, holding his hands in front of his chest defensively.
(Y/n) unclenched her fists and allowed her arms to fall to her side. She exhaled in relief, “You— what are you...? I apologize, I shouldn’t have assumed you were an attacker.” Her gaze fell to the floor in embarrassment.
Liu shook his head, “No, no, it was my mistake! I followed you out here on false pretenses that you were a burglar.”
The girl smiled and stifled a laugh. She tilted her head slightly upward to get a better look at the young man in front of her. He was in his normal attire, with his dark hair falling just about his shoulders and framing his face and neck quite nicely. (Y/n) would’ve been tempted to stare at him a little longer if not for the predicament she was in now.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Liu Kang. You see, I’m so busy during the day— and although I know Master wouldn’t approve of it, I come out here when everyone’s alseep just to have time to myself.” She explained frantically, “I don’t— please don’t misinterpret my intentions, I was just—,”
“It’s alright, (Y/n).” Liu smiled, slightly flustered, placing a hand on her shoulder, “No need to explain yourself further. I won’t tell anyone. In fact this entire conversation is technically forbidden, mind you.”
(Y/n) was looking directly at Liu Kang now, and something about his presence was extremely calming to her.
“That’s right...” She mumbled, “You should go then, I don’t want to cause you any more inconvenience, Liu Kang.”
“Just Liu is fine.” He could feel the giddy feeling in his chest growing stronger each time she said his name. In truth, he didn’t want to leave her just yet. He glanced back at the greenhouse and spotted the perfect excuse. “But before I go,” His hand trailed down from her shoulder to her hand, and she accepted it. Liu tugged her back towards the greenhouse.
“I see that in your hurry to kill me, you’ve lost your match.” He smiled playfully at her and picked up the lantern on the floor. Letting go of her hand, he summoned a small flame and lit the wick of the candle inside. Then Liu took (Y/n)’s hands and wrapped it around the side of the glass boy firmly.
“There.” He nodded in satisfaction. “Please accept this as my apology for interrupting your evening.”
(Y/n) let out a small laugh and nodded back. “Thank you, Liu, but,” Her eyes flickered down to the lantern, then back up at him with a hint of mischief, “now that you know my secret, how will I know if you’ll actually keep it?”
“What?” Liu frowned, pretending to take offense, “Is my word not good enough? In that sense, how do I know you’re not actually a burglar?”
“I suppose we’ll just have to keep an eye of each other from now on.” (Y/n) shrugged.
The two stared at each other for a moment, then bursted into a fit of giggles. (Y/n) sighed and placed the lantern on the ground.
“So I’ll see you tomorrow then? It works for both of us. Your secret stays a secret, and I get to talk to you.”
(Y/n)’s face heated up at his words, although I doubt Liu Kang could see it with just a lantern for light. “I look forward to it then. Goodnight Liu.”
Liu placed a small kiss on the back of (Y/n)’s hand, impressed with his own boldness.
“Goodnight.”
___
Bonus:
The next morning, (Y/n) rounded up the younger monks to observe the elder ones practice. She subtly waved to both Liu Kang and Kung Lao before taking her seat behind the children. Just as a match was about to commence, Master Raiden appeared in the entrance and made his way to the center of the court. The monks exchanged confused glances until Raiden spoke.
“Alright, which of you imbeciles destroyed one of my trees?”
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aminiatureworld · 3 years ago
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Disappearance II
Character: Albedo, gn!reader
Word Count: 2,149
Warnings: None
Premise: In which there is an argument and the reader disappears.
Author’s Note: Idk why I’ve characterized Albedo as a slob twice now. I guess I just think he’s the kind of person to become so engrossed in his research he just, never takes care of himself or his surroundings.
Also this was supposed to be two people but I procrastinated terribly so… here we are haha. Part three tomorrow.
Albedo
It was the third time this week that you had managed to spill his lab notes all over the floor, and frankly Albedo wasn’t sure if he could deal with it any longer.
“You’ve got a lot of papers strewn around,” you said, tone light and joking as you crouched to gather all the papers up.
“You’re the one that keeps bumping into things,” Albedo mumbled, crouching next to you to make sure that you put things back in order.
Seeing that you were putting things together haphazardly he snatched up the papers, frowning slightly as he went through the papers. Honestly, how could you mess up his system so much? As much as Albedo appreciated your interest in his work you were a Knight of Favonius, not a scientist, and as such your visits seemed to cause havoc more than anything else.
“Do you want me to help you with that?” You asked, exasperation creeping into your tone.
“No.”
“Are you sure? You seem, stressed. If you want I could pick up the papers on the tables and organize.”
“Don’t!”
“Albedo?” You leaned back slightly, as if surprised. For some reason that only made the alchemist more irritated.
“If you do that, you’ll just be creating more work for me. I’m very busy right now, I don’t have time to go back and fix your mistakes.”
“Mistakes?”
“It’s already enough that you keep spilling things all over the ground.”
“It’s not my fault that you leave your papers everywhere without even trying to keep them organized.”
“They are organized!”
“Well they certainly don’t look organized to me.”
“You just don’t understand. Besides, I’ve managed not to knock everything over.”
“You know, you’re insufferable when you get like this.”
“I’m not any different than usual.”
“I hope you don’t really think that,” you replied, tone clipped.
Standing up you turned towards the door. Though Albedo made a half-hearted call of your name you didn’t react, simply walking out of the room and slamming the door as hard as possible behind you.
Albedo didn’t even think of you the rest of the afternoon. Anger iced over his slight worry, replacing it with a burning sense of resentment. Your sudden departure stung, and, though it was admittedly childish, Albedo found himself determined not to worry about you.
Besides, you were simply an obstacle to his research at this point. Maybe it was better if you went off to cool your head somewhere, then he could finish up his work. That was what usually happened with other people anyways. Apprentices, clients, the occasional wandering alchemist; they all fluttered around him until he couldn’t stand it and then when they inevitably got fed up he’d finish his work. His relationship with you was still new, and though he couldn’t say that you were the same as all those people in his eyes, he really had no reason to think you would react in a different way.
The sun had gone down long before Albedo finally locked up for the night. It had taken him a good forty minutes to reorganize everything that had fallen, though admittedly most of that time was spent in angry silence. Now as Albedo walked down the streets, still busy with night activity, he wondered what might happen when he got home. He certainly wasn’t ready to apologize, even if his tone was a bit curt his words weren’t wrong; but he couldn’t exactly see you apologizing either. It was bound to be a tense evening. One Albedo was certainly not looking forward too.
All the lights were off in the apartment, something that struck Albedo as odd. Walking towards the kitchen he found a piece of paper crumpled up on the kitchen floor, though when he uncrumpled the paper he was met with eraser marks. Letting out a huff of impatience Albedo went to put some water on the stove. So this is how the evening was going to pass; you presumably at a friend’s house, Albedo in stony silence.
“How petty,” Albedo murmured.
He didn’t expect such a show of emotions from you, having come to the conclusion that you were quite the rational sort. Really, this was all too much. He had been in the right after all, even if he had been a bit cold about it. There was no reason to react in such a way. It was this mindset that carried Albedo through the rest of the evening and off to sleep. After all, it was better than the kernel of doubt that rested in the back of his head, that told him he was the one being callous.
You didn’t show up at the apartment or the lab the next day. Albedo buckled down to work, but by midday the irritation and anger that he’d been holding over were replaced by a deep sense of unease. Hurrying home after work he felt panic shoot through him at the sight of your home empty, nothing suggesting anyone had been there in the time he was at work.
It took all of Albedo’s willpower not to run out the door and go look for you. All the anger and irritation he had felt had been thrown out the window, replaced instead with an intense feeling of worry, and of the realization that his actions might bear actual consequences.
Tossing and turning in bed Albedo stared up at the empty ceiling. He had been certain he was in the right, even this morning. You were clumsy, you had been inconsiderate of his work, you were simply stubborn and petty. Now however he replayed your argument, your fight, over and over again. The more he did so the more he became aware of how harshly he’d acted; the more he wished you would simply appear in front of him so he could apologize. He wanted to go after you, wanted to let you know that he genuinely felt bad. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to do so, to go after you. After all, what if you didn’t want to see him? What if he just made things worse? Once more turning in bed Albedo sighed. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he’d see you again. Tomorrow he’d make things better.
There was no sight of you tomorrow either. Albedo stood in his lab in stunned silence, heart hammering in his chest as he contemplated what this could possibly mean. Was this it then? Had he messed up that badly?
Staring around him Albedo noticed all the papers scattered this way and that on the tables and the desks. Seized by a sudden urge he scooped them all up, carrying them over to where he kept his files. A part of him jeered that it was too little too late, but still the alchemist didn’t stop until everything was filed away properly. Turning around to look at his desk he collected the dirty mugs and discarded equipment, putting them in the sink before turning around to pick through the no longer needed papers that still lay sprawled around the room. He didn’t stop for lunch, nor did he go to start back up on the experiment he was currently working on. Instead he kept picking up and putting away and rearranging. It was almost a ritual of some sort, and though it brought little relief, at least it finally brought distraction.
Still that distraction was shattered the minute Albedo stepped outside. The sun was just beginning to dip below the horizon, and the people of Mondstadt were still wandering around, enjoy the cool summer evening. Staring at the people around him, their eyes filled either with purpose or contentment, Albedo realized he couldn’t go home. He couldn’t face the empty apartment again. He thought that his anger would last longer, that he might go a week before feeling as if he burning from the inside out; but now he knew that that had been an arrogant, if somewhat funny, assumption. Turning away from the familiar path home he climbed up the steps of Mondstadt. He knew where he needed to go.
Walking up to the Knights of Favonius Headquarters Albedo was met with the sight of Eula, arms firmly crossed in front of her, faced even colder than usual. Hurrying over to your higher-up Albedo felt uncertainty bloom in his chest. Someone this seemed to bode ill.
“Eula?”
“Ah, the Head Alchemist. What do you wish to say to me?”
“Have you seen my partner?” Albedo paused, somewhat unwilling to reveal what had happened. “They haven’t been home for days, and I wondered if you knew where they might be staying.”
The look on Eula’s face was one of pure disbelief. “You, you don’t know what happened?” Her face shadowed over and she seemed to pull herself up. “If I were your partner, I would declare eternal vengeance for your idiocy. I don’t know what you’ve been doing Head Alchemist, but while you were off doing whatever it is you do, your partner was languishing underground.”
Albedo froze, unsure if he’d truly heard Eula right. The Knight tended to be quite flowery after all with her words. Perhaps this was just a metaphor he couldn’t understand.
“I see that it still hasn’t gotten through your head what happened.” Eula sighed, relaxing slightly. “I sent them off to monitor a few Fatui members, as it seems a group had made their way out of Dragonspine and into Windwail. While doing so they attempted to hide in a small crack in the mountains, but there was a steep drop after that onto the next shelf. Thankfully Amber had also been ordered to scout there, or else who knows how long it might have took to realize they were stuck. I just got the report from them, thankfully there was no lasting trauma.”
“W-where are they?”
“At home I presume. Aren’t you their partner?” Eula tilted her head. “Really, perhaps she should declare a need for vengeance.” And with that the Spindrift Knight walked into the Headquarters, leaving Albedo reeling on the step, heart thudding as if he’d just run a hundred miles.
Albedo practically fell down the steps of Mondstadt, so desperate was he to find you, to make sure you were okay. Eula had said that there was no lasting trauma, but what that meant Albedo was completely unsure of. Had you broken anything? Had you been deprived of oxygen? These thoughts catapulted through Albedo’s brain, constricting his lungs and plunging him into a roil of incoherent emotions.
The sight of you standing in front of his lab cause Albedo to stop in his tracks. For a moment the alchemist was overwhelmed by his emotions, switching between dizzying euphoria, terrible guilt, and unending worry. He took a step forward, then another, walking slowly down the stairs, as if in fear that you might disappear or turn away. However instead of turning away when he reached the end of the steps and made his way towards the fountain you let out a sort of shudder, running towards him and throwing your arms around his neck. Albedo wrapped his arms around you in turn, feeling slightly overwhelmed from the sudden proximity, the sudden feeling of once more being able to feel your skin against his. Letting his head drop onto your shoulder Albedo breathed in deeply, centering himself with your presence, grounding himself in the knowledge that the agony of the previous days was finally over.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled against your shoulder.
“For what?” You whispered back.
“For not listening to you, for blaming you, for being cruel.”
“I’m also sorry.”
“Why? I was in the wrong.”
“Well, I just went off without telling you where I was going. I was going to write a note, but I was so angry I erased it.” You tightened your grasp around Albedo. “I wish I could’ve seen into the future. I never would have done something like that.”
“I don’t care about that,” Albedo ran small circles around the small of your back. “I’m sorry.”
“You already said that.”
“No. I’m sorry for not being there, for not being able to help you; for doing nothing while you…” he stopped, unable to finish the sentence.
Pulling back for a moment you cupped Albedo’s face in your palms, studying his expression. Finally you bent over to press a soft kiss to his lips.
“I forgive you,” you whispered, breath mingling with his.
Albedo leaned into to kiss you once more, finding that his emotions were blocking out any words he might have been able to say. Everything seemed so surreal, as if he’d been stuck in some awful nightmare that only now faded away. And yet this wasn’t a nightmare, this was reality; and Albedo would have to remember that.
For now though, he only wanted to wipe all the fear and conflict away.
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