#If I'll procrastinate on this now I wouldn't be able to post this in time with Mermay. Or that I might not be able to draw a mermaid Connie

[metatronhateblog]

The Opening Sequence Pt 2 The Cemetery

Welcome back to the opening sequence breakdown. It only took me forever to get back to this thanks to con crunching (curse you Crowley's leather vest), split attention, and work. Today I will be, you guessed it cause you probably read the title, talking about the cemetery sequence.

Now there isn't too terribly much here, and I'm sure a lot of this has already been talked about. I've no doubt people were smart enough to already find all this.

But as I have no self control and am in fact procrastinating finishing my Crowley cosplay, here we are. I promise we'll get into some more....weird? Less noticeable??? I don't even know? Stuff as time goes on. We're just starting off with the basics cause it's easier on my brain.

So in the cemetery, we already know that Jim is hiding out behind some headstones next to the mausoleum they enter. Nothing too weird there, aside from the fact he's hiding. BUT WE'RE NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT JIM.

Instead I'm here to talk about all the weird little things on the headstones. Again, I wouldn't be surprised if it's all already been found, I just personally haven't seen anyone talk about it?

We start off seeing this little mausoleum that says 'ARCHER' on it

Which we also see make an appearance in episode 3, when our beloveds are in Edinburgh.

(Did I start this draft then immediately drop everything to lighten/color correct all of season 2 episode three so I could see if there was anything in the background? Maybe...)

Then we have our lovely statue of the one and only beloved yet self absorbed Gabriel. Again, nothing too fancy.

And this little cross with an very interesting symbol on it right next to Gabriel. The symbol from a glance looks to be a money sign but when you take a closer look, I think it's actually three crosses? Or maybe one cross with two little lines on either side and a big 'S' slapped over top.

Then we have our 'Everyday' headstone which is of no surprise due to reoccurring song appearances in the season.

But then something else caught my eye while I was making this post that I didn't notice previously... See that little guy up in the corner of the everyday headstone?

Him?

yeah well idk who he's supposed to be but he's not the only one...

And then a third that is hidden behind a cross

Perhaps important characters? Or maybe a little hint about something that I don't know yet. Or maybe even just put there to fill in the background with no meaning....who knows.

Either way these gentlemen (or ladies) appear in the actual episode behind the Gabriel statue.

Then here we have two...stone caskets? Above ground graves? Where they both look the same, but one appears to be crossed out, maybe worn away with time, and you can't see the other because it's hidden by a headstone that says 'Peter Paintball.'

I have no clue who Peter paintball is. Maybe it's a reference to Season 1, or maybe it's someone on the crew or something. But I have no Earthly clue.

Moving on. As our boys continue their cemetery date with a trail of people and creatures and...objects? Behind them. We see the mastermind behind our Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery. Miss Austen herself.

I'm just as unphased at her name being in this cemetery as I am 'everyday.'

From here, I've had to do a lot of tweaking and playing with the lighting, and I won't lie, some things are still kind of...not quite able to be made out imo. So now we have...

A two for one that kind of leaves my brain churning questions like butter. I'll start with the more legible one.

"Here lies the former shell of Beelzebub."

I mean 'they're just such a little ray of sunshine' so of course this headstone makes sense. But also...why? What exactly does this mean. Like what's it referring to? I get that demons are dead inside which...mood. But could this possibly be referring to whoever Beelzebub was before falling? Or maybe the fact that Beelzebub feels some sort of happiness after meeting Gabriel and therefore the shell has been buried? I don't know. I just sit here and mull this over sometimes and maybe it's not a detail I should agonize over, but still.

Then we have 'here lies...Adam...' with the words underneath that I can only barely make out some of. I have tried fixing this so many different ways, and maybe it's just my lacking photo editing skills but still. I believe Neil has said this headstone is referring to Adam as in Adam and Eve? (Correct me if I'm wrong.) And if I squint I can make out....(from my best attempt at cleaning this up enough to see it)

"I do not understand, surely your very existence requires....of the world..."

Some of the words I can't make out, and the whole bottom line is a mystery to me because it's blocked entirely by the shadow that I can't fix.

Buuuuuut using my skills of deduction I'm going to assume this is a quote from Adam in the show? Gonna assume show and not book all things considered. (Upon further investigation it's Death who says this to Adam.) I can't remember. But the quote is something like

"I do not understand, surely your very existence requires the ending of the world. It is written."

Which...well hell that's a very interesting thing to put on a headstone (once again questioning which Adam Neil said that headstone belongs to...)

(Maybe it's a reference to Adam Young but Neil is saying he's not dead? Because he never actually confirms which Adam this is a reference to but I suppose it could be either considering it begins and 'ends' with an Adam.

But the thing I find really interesting is actually the headstone right next to it, also a take on something Death says in season 1.

'Left early to beat the rush.'

Which. Hell this one took me by surprise the first time I read it. Death says it to the mail man in Season 1 'Think of it as leaving early to beat the rush.' And if I recall correctly (I don't know where the source is) Neil has said something similar about Terry? So for all I know this headstone could be a nod to Terry Pratchett....or it could be two very interesting Death quotes on back to back headstones.

Could the Adam one possibly be referring to the fact that Adam, by the end of season 1, technically reversed the end of the world? Or something along those lines? I just find it weird that amongst a bunch of (i'm using this word lightly) joke headstones we have two very intriguing Death quotes....

Finally, we have this little interesting bit on the side right here.

We have that symbol from before but a little clearer now...and? A head? There's a bust here in the corner in front of Gabriel.

At first glance it reminds me of the Gabriel angel statue...and maybe this is supposed to be Gabriel...But if you look a little closer...you can see a button up.

Now this is the best shot I can manage of it.

This looks specifically like Jim. Not Gabriel, but Jim. It's dressed similarly and I think that's his hairstyle. The face looks similar. I momentarily thought it might be Aziraphale or even Crowley but that wouldn't make sense...right?

So for now, I'm thinking that this is a bust of Jim. Very interesting considering Jimbriel is hiding right in front of it and there's a different statue of the Archangel Gabriel earlier in the cemetery....So what the heck is this all about...

Now if I missed any, or if any of the headstones in the background have writing that is hard to make out, let me know and I'll update this post.

But as I said before, I'm sure someone has already done this. Consider this a reference post, maybe let your gears turn a bit about some of the epitaphs because they're certainly some head scratchers if you ask me.

Thank you for reading this, and keep a look out for more of the opening sequence breakdown series in which I slowly lose more and more of my mind staring at this thing and picking out little tiny details.

[halowritesthings]

i love learning about things a week late through youtube recommendations from random channels i've never seen before

(bad grammar and typos cause i'm shooting my shot as fast as possible so I can get back to Important Adult Stuff(TM))

i suppose i can't really gripe because i'm still largely logged out and wouldn't have heard otherwise so maybe I should take it for what it is

i know i'm a random person who writes as a hobby so I don't necessarily "owe" anything to people online, but y'all have been so sweet to me and I feel it would be unfair to keep dropping off the face of the planet like I have been, plus, I have been stewing over quite a bit of my thoughts these past few months and making a large "get all my thoughts out in a word vomit" post is a good way to A.) sort out my shit and B.) to procrastinate homework

college is BEATING MY ASS and i'm not even at the harder junior/senior year type stuff so even if my writer's block wasn't the worst it's ever been I highly doubt I would be writing anything anyway. i cannot say for certain when I'll be able to get back (it seems the universe is tailored specifically to punch me in the face whenever I have the slightest inclination to do so) but i will say it is always on my mind. i don't ever want to give up writing fully because of how many good things it's brought me but i want to be mature and say that it has taken a backseat in my life.

i still don't regret the things I've created and i will always be thankful for the experiences I've had + the friends I've made (even if we haven't talked in a while :') sorry guys) BUT this situation has just become the nail in the coffin for me in terms of what i want to do with my ds/mp and other adjacent fics. i can't say for certain what I'll go through and orphan/keep or just outright delete (WIPS/unfinished series will probably get deleted is what I've decided so far) so this is a BIG WARNING sign right here and now: if there are any ds/mp fics of mine you are fond of, please go and save them now. even if you think the one you really love is "safe" it's better to be cautious and have it yourself than hope for the best outcome.

now's a good time to mention that i have been feeling similar feelings toward my fl0wer husb4nds fics (gonna come out and be honest: i don't particularly care for sc0tt anymore, sorry) so if you like those you should also search them out. i think a hard majority if not all of them will be orphaned, so they'll still be up, but it never hurts to be able to read something while offline anyway

however, due to the aforementioned Important Adult Stuff(TM), i won't be able to get to the whole Properly deleting/orphaning process for a hot minute. that does not mean you should put off saving my fics because my brain could decide one night that i HAVE to do it IMMEDIATELY, but i can promise that it's not happening tonight (might hold off for at least a week just to give people time to see this post).

TSALP, my pride and joy, is perfectly safe and fine. when i think about whenever ill be able to write again, this series is the First thing to pop up in my mind. i have so many things i want to do with that series (and h3rmitcr4ft as a whole) that make me smile despite all that has happened surrounding mc/yt. someone will need to threaten me with death to make me even consider giving that up. hell, even taking a step back, i can say that i will never fully let go of mc/yt. i straight-up have tickets to go see tommy's america show later this month (send my dad well wishes as he's the one taking me LMAO) .

remember to drink water, take breaks, tell your friends you love them etc. I'm terrible at giving advice since I'm a bonafide mess of a person, but i will say that the best thing you can do for each other is support one another. i've always been a bigger fan of giving support to those who are hurt than trying to go and cause more pain to the people that you can argue "deserve" it. the people you care about are going to be with you much longer than the assholes, so be sure to put more energy into focusing on them than the ones that don't even deserve your scorn.

[kai-and-their-mess]

Please Don't Go

Astronaut Mafuyu x Angel Mizuki

warnings for: heavy angst, character death, tragedy, ambigous endings cuz wow im bad at conclusions, and probably poor grammar. this is beta read but not edited to fix anything my beta pointed out to me.

intro: transfem Mizuki, transmasc Mafuyu. Fuyu and Yuki mostly used as names for Mafuyu. transmasc Shiho cuz cmon, have you seen? shiho? ever? thats a boy. prompt taken from @probably-not-niigo Link to the original post found here. the last time i wrote for public consumption was years ago so if POV is sloppy or nothing is capitalized or some of the sentence structure is strange: no it isnt 💕

THIS HAS TWO ENDINGS. neither of which are strictly happy, but one is bittersweet cuz i couldnt finish this until i came up with a "happier" ending.

There wasn't a single doubt in his mind that this was dangerous, sadly past trauma meant that Yuki was the only one 'brave' enough to do this. as the crew flew around in their ship, they had gotten a notification that there some damage to the exterior. Fuyu, who isn't at all the engineer, was on his way to see the damage. the actual engineer, some dude named Shiho, refused to fix the issue unless he knew more about what was wrong.

Fuyu understood his hesitation. they were passing by an asteroid storm right now. but they didn't know how bad the damage was, and they couldn't see it on any of the cameras either. the crew had no clue how bad it was and that's why they were sending Yuki out. if it was minor, they would wait until it was safer to fix it, if it was major, Shiho would take the tools he needed and fix it as fast as he could.

But they wouldn't know unless someone went to look. so Fuyu put on his spacesuit, double and triple checked the oxygen tank and once the necessary safety gear was attached, he was ready to head out. "Again, be fast but be safe, we'll be able to communicate through the walkie installed in the suit, if anything goes wrong, we'll pull you in fast as we can. just…. stay safe, be aware of your surroundings" Shiho rambles to Yuki, worry in his voice as Yuki silently nods along.

"I'll be quick, don't worry." Fuyu speaks aloud to reassure Shiho but also for himself. something in his gut just told him he shouldn't go out there, but he didn't really have much of a choice. resolve firmed Yuki steps forward into the airlock. the first door closing behind him as he does. he feels what he can only assume is a wave of anxiety wash over him as he stares at the second door, the vastness of space behind it.

when Fuyu first became an astronaut, it was because of his fascination with the stars, the way that it was so empty yet so full of life, energy. it was, literally, as far away from his mom as he could possibly be. but it was also so fulfilling, so fun. so why then was all that magic and joy missing? why was there anxiety in his gut? where was that usual excitement? Yuki found himself suddenly…unwilling.

he shakes his head. it's just a quick trip to check the hull and then right back inside. not giving himself more room to procrastinate he presses the airlock button and the door in front of him slowly starts to open. one hand firmly on his tether he works his way outside, maneuvering carefully to the area that's damaged. it wasn't super bad outside. the asteroids weren't too close to him, it felt safe this close to the ship but still he made sure to keep an eye out just in case.

meanwhile, out of sight a young angel watches, brows furrowed with concern, stress. she had hoped and done her best to send warnings but still Yuki had left the ship. Mizuki was beside herself. she had been put in charge of Yuki, she considered herself his guardian angel despite her having yet to pass the test to officially become a guardian. she was an observer right now. her job was to just watch, not intervene.

but she had… "borrowed" Yuki's book from his real guardian angel and knowing what she knew, how could she just watch? Yuki was going to die. it said so in the book. the book described every event from Yuki's life right down to when and how he brushed his teeth, there was a few possibilities for each choice he could make. but there was no avoiding this. there was no possibility of Yuki surviving this. once he stepped out his fate was as good as sealed.

but Mizuki couldn't accept that. she tried everything. even going as far as to try and influence his feelings. it didn't stop him, but it did alter the book. she groaned, watching closely as Yuki floated. part of her still hoped it wouldn't happen, but she knew that wasn't the case. helpless, she watched the young man, putting all her hopes into her heart Mizuki found herself passively wishing that she'd birth a miracle, right here, right now as she wandered off. things to do, places to see.

for Yuki, nothing had felt different, he was focused on his task, and almost to the damaged spot too. after a few more moments it comes into view. an asteroid had struck, not a big one, it seemed, but it had exposed some wiring on the side of the ship. Yuki presses a button on his collar and speaks "hey. I'm at the damage site. a small asteroid must have hit us, there's a panel missing, and some wiring exposed." there's a pause before Shiho's voice filters through the walkie.

"Got it. we can fix that once we're out of this asteroid storm. return to us." Yuki nods, though no one's around to see it and starts to follow the tether back. when he's about halfway there the ship shakes violently, bumping into Yuki, who stayed close to the hull, and sending him away from the ship. Yuki closes his eyes when the ship first shakes, gripping onto the tether the whole time. he slowly opens his eyes to see darkness.

the ship seems almost impossibly far. Yuki tugs on his tether and it goes taunt. whatever hit the ship sent him to the limits of his tether, he'd have to be careful. he pushes the button on his collar again "hey, what happened? are you guys okay? is the ship okay?" it takes a few moments for anyone to answer so while he waits Fuyu starts carefully guiding himself back to the other end of the tether.

to his relief the speaker on the walkie talkie sparks to life and a voice is heard "Yuki? good to hear your voice. the ship was hit by an asteroid, it knocked us off course but we're all safe. there's major damage to the hull now though… I'm going to have to try and fix that if we want to make it to our destination safely." Shiho's voice is hard to hear over the alarm in the background, there's others talking in the background. everyone must be worried.

"I'm on my way back" Yuki responds simply. "Stay safe" Shiho's response is short but it feels warm. sighing, Yuki starts on his way again, the ship growing closer as he moves. it feels like quicksand today, almost like space doesn't want to let him go. he does his best to move fast but it's hard to do so when you have no means of propelling yourself forward. Yuki isn't sure how long it takes before he's close to the ship but it feels like an hour.

it's probably been closer to 20 minutes. all of a sudden something out of the corner of his eye makes him freeze. eyes wide, heart stopped. slowly, his hand comes up to his collar and he presses the button "Shiho…. I... I don't think I can get back" it was moving too fast. the asteroid. He knew that if it was this close, there wasn't a thing he could do to avoid it. he hears Shiho respond. kind of. he definitely heard Shiho's voice, but the words were lost on him.

fear gripping his heart Yuki closes his eyes. he's never felt so scared so suddenly. he feels the asteroid more than anything, a perverse feeling of heat and cold consumes Fuyu. if this is what death is like at least its fast. after what feels like a lifetime the feeling leaves him. he slowly opens his eyes and is greeted by the darkness of space. distant stars shine in somewhere far off, but instead of relief at being alive all Yuki can process is dread.

the tether is cut. the tether is cut, and among all those stars, glittering and sparkling in this distance, is his ship. too far to reach, especially at the full mercy of space. not knowing what else to do. he laughs. it's a pain-stricken sound, gasping, sobbing, heart wrenching. all those times he thought 'I want to die' all those times he thought 'I want to disappear' he never could have imagined it would end like this.

he doesn't know how long he cries for, or how much time passed between his last contact. but like a fever dream, Shiho's voice is heard. panic and worry clear in the man's tone. "Yuki, Yuki! respond! fuck, say something!!! shit!" another laugh bubbles up, it's just so. funny. taking a breath, he steadies his breathing as much as he can before radioing in. "I'm… still here" a loud sigh is heard, and Yuki does his best to ground himself.

he'll need to be able to think if he wants to try and make it back. "I'm…sorry Yuki. we can't turn to come get you until I fix the hull. you should have about an hour of oxygen in the tank. I'm already on my way to fix it." Yuki chuckles, against his will. "No… I won't… the tether broke. you guys won't be able to find me." the line goes silent before Shiho responds again. It almost sounds like he's crying. "I'm…. really, really sorry, Yuki." Fuyu nods, it's no one's fault.

"One last request. Shiho... can you say to me; 'Mafuyu, you did a good job here.' and then…. can you disconnect my walkie from our closed circuit..?" It had been years since he so much as thought of his deadname, but he needed this. there's a long sigh from the other end of the line, but Shiho reluctantly complies. "Mafuyu, you did a good job here." there's a small pause as Shiho inhales, having more to say. "Thank you for your bravery, for everything you've done during this voyage. you'll be remembered with the highest honors…. captain and engineer Shiho Hinomori signing off" Fuyu whispers a small barely audible 'thank you' as the line goes dead for the last time.

it may have seemed cold or callused to just disconnect like that, but Shiho was the only other realist on the crew. he wouldn't try and comfort Yuki with false empty promises and reassurances. they both knew the odds of being able to get back the ship was really low, there was no point trying to deny that. but at lease he could have a bit of comfort as he accepts his fate. not having anything else today he 'lays down'.

letting himself just float in the nothingness of space. his face still wet with tears, unable to dry because of the space suit. Yuki finds himself wondering if, somehow, his mom knew something like this would happen. it makes him laugh a little, it's a dry, melancholy sound. his headaches a little. he's not sure if it's from the fit of hysterics or from lack of oxygen.

the stars become too painful after a few moments, their freedom and ability to thrive in this situation feeling almost mocking. he closes his eyes, waiting. for what? he's not sure. but maybe, for once, he'd be able to imagine. just an alternate world where things went right, where he didn't get lost in space. where he found happiness and love and just lived a boring life in a house he owned.

that's when he hears it. a voice as sweet as kittens, singing with power and intensity to rival the gets used to get him into space. the song is soothing, though he has no clue what language it is. it's comforting, warmth blooms slowly in his gut and creeps through his body. taking a deep breath, he opens his eyes. floating there, inches from his face was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on.

the sight of her alone was enough to steal his breath away, mesmerized by her. she had long pink hair that, to him, seemed to trail off into infinity, her body glowed with a soft light. she wore this milky pink colored dress that hugged her torso and ended with a frilly skirt. from her back sprouted a pair of huge wings, seeming to have glitter woven into the white feathers. Yuki didn't dare move, what if she was just a hallucination? what if interacting with her meant doom for him? not wanting to be alone again he stayed still and listened to her sing.

when her song was finished, she opened her eyes to reveal pink, glittering orbs that bore into him with a look of affection? or maybe admiration? "it's such a pleasure to meet you" the girl speaks, startling Fuyu out of his stupor. "My name is Mizuki, I'm... here to keep you company." for a while, Yuki says nothing. he only speaks when the smile starts to slip of Mizukis face, for some reason, he doesn't want her to be sad.

"Am…I going to die out here?" the question surprises even him. Mizuki hesitates for a long while, her voice tinged with sadness as she speaks.

"that's… what's fated, yes. but! I'm an angel!" she states this fact proudly, and for a moment Yuki feels a bit of hope. but. there's no way she's real. it's just a comforting hallucination in his last moments. there's no way angels could possibly be real. but he would humor this hallucination.

"So, you're going to save me?" Mizuki knew deep down that she shouldn't. she couldn't. not without offering up something in exchange. but the price would be so steep. she couldn't waste too much time, though. the longer she took the less time they had. but what could she do to save him? what could she give that would be enough to repay her disobedience?

"I…." her voice is hesitant. she has about less than 30 minutes. "I… yes. I'm here to save you" she smiles, her voice becoming more sure as she speaks- "I'm here to save you, Yuki. don't worry. help will come. until then, I'll sit with you." Mafuyu stares at her, not sure if she was being honest or not.

hell, he wasn't even sure if she was fucking real. this whole thing- it was insane. but hey, it was the end of his world. so, what the hell? letting out a soft sigh he reaches out to grasp at her hand. "Please don't go" he speaks. not sure if she can even hear him through his space suit. regardless, she grabs his hand and holds it tightly in both of hers. he watches as Mizuki closes her eyes again, singing another song. warmth envelopes Yuki once more and he smiles.

(Here is where the ending splits!!! You can stop here if youd prefer for this to be the canon ending. as for the actual endings themselves you can find ending one here and ending two here hope you enjoy!)

[rooklinensinker]

THIS IS BY NO MEANS GOOD

I'm just one of those people that...

*cringe*

write songs to vent about things. I usually forget about them which is kinda sad honestly. But looking at them piled up, I realised "oh damn i have a tumblr and nobody cares if you're cringe on tumblr!" so i decided to post them here if not just to keep them safe somewhere.

Like it or not, I'm kinda proud that I made something.

Sometimes that itself is enough to make me feel better about things.

I've always had trouble with either executive dysfunction or just not being able to balance time. But because work is a duty I couldn't just take my mind off it, even when I did nothing for days on end. I wouldn't do basic chores because I needed to do this first. But I never moved. And then the deadlines would come and I'd panic and break down again. And then I'd work all at once, not eating nor resting until I could finally catch up. I never did. Even when my work was finished it never felt like the race truly was. Even now, years later, I feel the same. It's maddening like you're not truly growing up, if such a thing is even real. Because you keep having the same problems over and over.

Anyways, here's a song about working.

Lyrics:

I hunger no longer cuz the longer I hunger

The more I forget I exist

Something always feels so amiss

Let's not think about this, there's no time

The longer I try to focus, the more my brain just tries to escape

Why am I stuck in this place?

Wish I could send myself into space.

Building my castle of trash with the moths as my witness

Can't think of future or past

Cuz that shit's too serious

I do not know the time or date but I know my deadline's soon

I cannot afford to eat

till I finish this one bit

I may stay awake till I hallucinate

But isn't this just the creative process?

All my friends can do it so I guess

that makes me just that ✨useless✨

I may faint and dissociate

But at least I gotta stay awake

I am working right now

I am working somehow

And it's working working working

Next morning I wake up and it leaves me stunned

My work looks like shit and needs to be redone

That was not in the plan. Fuck!

"What do I care? Let me just sleep!"

...

Sleeping feels so tiring

So is being alive, weeping in the shower

I promised this would be the last time

but I can never keep it.

My nose bleeds and head aches.

I'm aware of all my mistakes.

Procrastination raised the stakes

which is why I keep working working working

I may complain

"Hustle the pain away"

"There's bigger fish in the sea"

That's what I aim to be

But I'm drowning drowning drowning

--------space for a lil mental breakdown------------

Why feed a machine that doesn't work?

So I work to eat, but I can't think anymore

I work till my eyes give up seeing

I work so I forget my own being

Everybody seems like a fucking prodigy

while I'm wasting my time being good ol' mediocre me

If I can't keep up, I'll be left in their dust

----- more mentally ill activity---------

Work is done...

Yay! 🎉

I can take the day off today. ☺️

✨And proceed to do nothing for the next 5 months!��✨

...

I can't do anything but think I should be working.

"Why have fun, when I should be working?"

"You're gonna die so don't ask why and start working!"

Leave my mark in the market of labour

My only worth is the work you savour

I hope it's worth it so I better get working.

....

Why ain't I working? working working

I have to keep working working working

I can't move but I need to keep working working working

I'll die if I'm not working working working

paralysed from my work, but I need to get working

I'm too tired to work yet I can't forget

that I should be working.

Guess what I should be doing right now 😃✨

[allfillernothriller]

I said much happened in 24hrs, but it started before that, so here's a little context. My dad took a small life insurance policy back in 94. When he passed in May 2021, I read the contract. My mum was still listed as sole beneficiary even though they broke up in 2000 and she died in 2016, but that's just my dad for you (he tried making me the beneficiary like a week before dying or something so if you ever feel bad about procrastinating hopefully that'll give you some perspective lol). Since the og beneficiary is deceased, legally I could claim the money, as the holder's heir. To do that, I had to prove 1. I was dad's only child 2. I haven't got kids of my own. However, I had 3 years after the date of death to do so, otherwise the bank got to keep the money. I went to a non profit org for legal advice because the bank was starting to send confusing letters asking me to send back nonsensical and contradictory documents, and it was getting definitely sketchy. I love me a good “who's the biggest twat?” game, so I sent them a very condescending email letting them know I was seeking legal advice and disregarding their letters. I also asked them to stop sending more and that I'd send the documents the expert I was meeting with would tell me to provide, but nothing more. Legal advice turned out to be: “oh yeah the confusing letters are tactic to discourage people from claiming their due” & “they can't ask for the family record book to prove you're his only heir, it has to be a notarial document” (I won't get into it now but if you've got questions about french succession laws I'd be happy to answer them). I wasn't very happy with that answer because providing my dad's family book record was free and easy, but having a notary establish a succession? Out of my budget. I still met with one because the first appointment was free. She was very nice, but thought the amount I'd get wouldn't be worth the trouble + cost of the whole administrative procedure. I thought well, at least I tried the legal route. Time for loopholes. I never told the bank what the legal advisor said. Instead, I waited until the last minute (10 days before the 3 year deadline) and sent a copy of my dad's death certificate, a copy of his family record book and a copy of my ID, hoping that so close to the deadline, they wouldn't double-check whether they asked for the correct documents (they didn't and I wasn't about to let them know). AND IT WORKED. After 2 years of back-and-forth and a 3rd year of giving them the silent treatment I WON. I CHEATED THEM OUT OF THE MONEY THEY TRIED TO CHEAT ME OUT OF. They could've rightfully kept the money on the basis that the family record book has no legal bearing. But they didn't, and I feel INVINCIBLE.

So, now I get to spend dad's policy unwisely, don't I? And because I'm known for having impeccable timing (got plenty of anecdotes that'll prolly end up in a post someday), I managed to snatch a ticket for The Streets in Luxembourg tonight. 72hrs ago I was so sure I was going to miss it because I wasn't supposed to be able to afford it. I barely had 2 days to process but it's happening. They are so difficult to see in France, I thought I'd have to see them in the UK. I only found out they were playing in Luxembourg like 2 weeks ago and I thought I wasn't going to make it because of all I've spent on Yard Act. Speaking of that, I'm also going to be there 😭 (yes I know I've got a serious problem)

But that also implies that I need to somehow include stopovers in Crawley, Cardiff and West Kirby to visit family members and oh, how I hate that we're scattered all over the place. That sounds impossible, so that's gonna be fun. It will also be the opportunity for me to visit one of my first online friend's grave. She was incredibly important to me, and sadly she passed before we could meet face to face. Her birthday is on Aug 9, so I'll be in Leicester that day.

I'm obviously very excited at the prospect of visiting Leeds bc I'm a music nerd flavoured tourist. It's gonna be very special to see Yard Act there 🧡

Might as well try and find a way to catch Jamie T at one of the festivals in the middle of this chaotic future trip too. I know the friends I made at Ally Pally (& saw again at Finsbury Park) are going to be there, I'd be dense to miss the opportunity.

Long story short, I'm gonna be roaming around the UK this summer so if anyone wants to meet up let me know!

[evilichu]

it's been a really long time since the last time i posted anything on this blog. like, really long. 2023 i think. maybe i should do an update but i have other things in my mind right now and i need to write them down just to clear my head.

topics -- self esteem issues, my relationship, college.

self esteem issues: i have let myself go. i don't even know what to say other than that. i'm very aware that i have a troubled relationship with food and weight in general, but it's been hitting me really hard lately; not because i've been restricting but the opposite. since i'm stressed i look for comfort in food and i can feel my belly growing bigger and my clothes feeling smaller. i'm getting so much fatter and i can barely look at myself in the mirror anymore. it's so fucking disgusting. but i can't stop eating, it's all i ever do. it's just so comforting, until i'm done eating and the realizations sets in and i wanna die. it's affecting my social anxiety as well, since i feel disgusting and look disgusting i obviously don't want anyone to see how bad i look. anytime i'm out i'm sure everyone can tell that i look a lot fatter than i used to and that i'm disgusting. i don't even wanna weigh myself in fear of the numbers that it might show me. god. anyway. that's topic one.

my relationship: my ex and i got back together. maybe some day i'll make a whole post about it but for now that's it. my attachment issues have resurrected because of it. i don't wanna blame the relationship in itself, but i did feel a shift in my mental health as soon as we went back together. we've been together almost a month now and things changed rather quickly. as time goes on he is getting more and more used to being with me and he's becoming less romantic. i'm aware that relationships lowkey work like that, you get used to the person but it doesn't mean you love them less. but i'm not like that at all, i think. i think about him all the fucking time even after a month and i wanna tell him i love him all the time and how pretty he is and all of that, and the only thing stopping me is that i think it would annoy him. i feel like it's unfair in some way, he started being so sweet and attentive with me and making me feel loved just to drop the act in like two weeks and now i can't even complain cuz he is "too busy". weren't you "too busy" two weeks ago too? it's not like you got a new job or promotion, you're doing the same thing but two weeks ago you'd take a minute to text me how much you miss me and now you simply don't. AND I KNOW! I KNOW THIS IS SUCH A NON-ISSUE! but that's what i mean, the attachment issues. if i wasn't so emotionally invested in every single little thing, if my entire mood didn't depend on three words written in a message app, then i would be absolutely fine. but i care, i care so fucking much and i feel so abandoned all the time. and i've been crying so much. and i'm putting too much pressure on him and i can't stop thinking that he's gonna dump me any day now. which, fair enough, but I CANNOT STOP. ugh.

college: i'm in college now and i'm a failure. i had never expected to be this bad at studying and it's affecting my pride so much. i can't focus for shit and i procrastinate so much it's embarrassing. i don't even know why i thought i could do this. i have my first real exam tomorrow and i am not ready at all and i can't study. i don't know what am i going to do. it's crazy.

i've been so angry at myself for all of these reasons that i am genuinely thinking of cutting again. i just can't take it. i don't wanna disappoint anyone, least of all my therapist (the only person i wouldn't be able to lie to) but i don't know what to do. i am so fucking angry that i can't do anything right and i'm fucking my own life up: my weight, my relationship, my career, i can't do it right. i feel like i do deserve the punishment.

but you know, that's my mental health for you.

[musingsoflys]

2nd post for the morning. It was just going to be a deconstructing post, but I went off on a health tangent.

I have multiple journaling locations. I have one where I try to collect everything, but it's getting ... octopus. It's in OneNote, and I have multiple tabs and subpages for different topics: my kids coming out, my husband coming out, my religion shattering, a letter for my Mom about it that I've been procrastinating finishing for over a year -- it's so close--, my own thoughts and feelings about 'all the things.' Due to life's business and my previously mentioned (the other post from this morning) low energy and mental function, I haven't been able to give my religious/spiritual aspect enough attention, and lately I've been feeling the need to do that. The last few days I've been wanting to start rereading Untamed by Glennon Doyle. I think I'm ready to move into the next phase, ?, whatever that is. I feel stalled right now.

I had been working my way through Falling Upward by Richard Rohr. That was also supposed to be part of my Sunday morning time. Now I'm not sure how applicable it will be given my Christian deconversion. I guess I should look and see. I am capable of recognizing metaphor and framing separately from my experience and so still be able to take the lessons. ... ... haha, just had to bring my brain back from another tangent related to framing/context. OK. back to the topic at hand. See, I didn't leave Mormonism only to remain a Christian; my deconstruction of God precludes that. My understanding of God was the first thing that shattered. So, while I often appreciate others' deconstruction experiences, I'm still looking for more non-Christian deconstructing community. Jesus as radical historical figure, fine, but no more Jesus as Savior, no more Heavenly Father (or Mother) -- I feel like they're less parental and more transcended siblings. I want to find my own divinity, not the "seeds of Divinity" as spoken of by Mormon leaders but the stardust inside.

Since at least November, my husband has been in the early goo phase of metamorphosis or the early germination phase of a seed: breaking apart, melting, he's beyond the point of no return from what he used to be. But in his case it's kind of weird b/c what he used to be was constantly masking, constantly trying to be what everyone else thought he should be, so he's trying to be himself, to go back to the beginning, but I just realized that even that being is socially defined, I think, by the imprinting he got as a child. But there's also a lot of trauma there. Anyway, I feel like I'm finally ready to explore nonmonogamy but now he's in a very personally, mentally, and emotionally delicate stage. He's worried that I'll find someone "better" or replace him. (Actually one of the 1st fears listed on a remodeledlove post in IG.) He also expresses interest in swinging, but I can't see myself doing that, at least partly b/c I've never had sex with anyone else. So sometimes, he's like, hurry up and have sex w/someone else, so that we can move on to threesomes and swapping and swinging. But I can't have sex with a stranger; I wouldn't mind having a FWB relationship but I at least need the friend part. I'm on an app, but I'm afraid to 'like' anybody. I've only liked 2 people but have not had any conversations with them. I'm not "talking to" anyone. I just fantasize, lol. And he's not ready for any new relationships, friend or otherwise, right now. So...where does that leave me? Where am I, and where do I go from here?

[kinetic-socks]

Long post expressing my frustration with my procrastination

wake up in the morning like yeah lets get this essay done today

have meal

go to class

ok essay time.

find myself crocheting instead. hey brain, what?

brain: we have time, we'll get it done later dw

well. crocheting isn't as fun now but ok, what can ya do.

ok, we don't want to crochet anymore. essay now?

brain: no let's walk around and listen to music. exercise is good and will help us later.

me: again, it would be nice to be getting work done but alright.

me: hey, I still wanna get that essay done. can we go home and do that?

brain: no. exercise good. shut up.

me: i guess this is what we're doing.

brain: ok we got a cut on our arm while running let's go home and treat that.

me: yeah sounds great. in perfect agreement with you there.

brain: ok, cut is treated. let's nap now *reads comics instead and does more crochet like simultaneously*

me: what is happening

brain: ok NOW let's nap (it is 10:30 pm)

me: is this wise? It's late at night and we haven't done any work, and what if we accidentally sleep too long?

brain: alarm will handle it (it did) and we need sleep or we won't be able to think

me: you make sense but I don't feel great about this

I get back up at like. mignight and am like ok. essay Now.

brain: we're hungry again, eat first. and use the bathroom and change your bandaid it's coming off.

me: eating and using the bathroom and changing the bandaid all sound fine. these are reasonable things for a person to do.

It becomes 4am. Don't ask me how.

me: pleasee. essay now, we wanted to finish it before tomorrow

brain: well, it's either essay or go to bed for the night, which means it's the latest we can start and have it be today, so alright! you can now make yourself take out a pencil and write a bit. but also let's write a tumblr post about this phenomenon to ask the internet if you're just an undisciplined bitch for procrastinating or if i'm the bastard. also good luck making yourself follow any tips they give on making yourself get started because you can't make me do shit. it would be funny to watch you try honestly bc it didn't even work last semester when you got so frustrated with me that you'd start hitting yourself. so I really cannot think of a single way you could ever subjugate me and I will only make you miserable if you try. I will also make you miserable by doing this even if you don't try. This is who we are and you're simply not good enough

me: ok, when I post the post can we do the essay then?

brain: yeah probably. it's almost the end of today so I'll let you get started on it. You wanted it to be today and I understand that. You're right that we don't have a lot of time left.

me: it's not really today anymore but you're right that it still feels like it. thank god for the small mercy that is you letting me do it at all. We've been thinking about it for awhile anyway, maybe we'll enjoy this. Oh and you'd probably fight me like this tomorrow if I did it then, right? We'd turn it in at 7 am instead of midnight?

brain: I might enjoy it but you'll still have to fight me the whole way. and oh yeah for sure I would give you hell tomorrow. I wouldn't let you start it till late at night. that's what we did last time!

me: okay. at least we'll be able to edit it tomorrow after we write tonight. Plus we'll hopefully be tired tomorrow and not the next day when we have more important classes.

brain: should we finish writing tonight it's very unlikely I'll want to edit it tomorrow and you're likely to be satisfied enough that we have anything that you won't call me on it at all. We're probably not sleeping tonight so I'm going to give you a headache tomorrow to compel you to sleep after class and then probably all day and you rarely fight naps because our sleep schedule is so bad you figure we need it. plus yknow it makes sense to sleep after an all nighter.

me: ok but we'll write the essay?? when this post is done??

brain: yeah alright put in a readmore and hit post now.

[billygoat26]

So uh-

The quarter officially ends at midnight tonight, which at the time of this post is in 7 hours, but I don't HAVE 7 hours to finish 100 notecards, 4 chapters (2 body, 1 intro, 1 conclusion) for a Mini Extended Essay, finish the outline, and get it all submitted.

My mom gets home in about an hour, and the rest of the time is spent grocery shopping and then dinner. The only way I'd be able to get it all done is if I were to get ZERO sleep and just power through until I get it done, then email my teacher to hurry tf up and grade shit so I don't get my ass whooped.

If I don't do that, however, the chances of me being able to be finally freed of the IB program increases, but my mom would be furious.

I want out of this god forsaken program, but if I get kicked out now I would have to redo ALL of 9th grade (according to my mom)

And, I wouldn't have much contact with my irl friends, the only reason I even remotely try to stay in the IB program.

So yeah, I'm stressed. I'm a procrastinator, this is my fault I'm in this mess, I know. Don't remind me.

I'll just try and get it all done before midnight. I have to.

[screwpinecaprice]

Who needs feet when you can float in the air anyway?

This was something sketched and posted on Instagram, like, a year ago I think. Basically the backstory is that they've been friends since children. There really isn't much going on. haha

Steven is suppose to be slightly pulling Connie up but I'm only realizing what I should've done to make it look more like he is.

[fayrinferno]

Movie CD Dramas Translation

Against all advice, I picked up the two Escaflowne movie drama CDs called the "Prologue" and some interesting things happened. I mentioned that I might translate those in indefinite future in one of the previous posts, and then @radical-rad1986 reminded me that a fan translation of them already exists (or existed, the website is now defunct).

I've never even played the CDs since I bought them few years ago (I don't keep a CD/DVD -ROM/player/ with me by now... shame, but I don't need it in my daily life anymore) but I just had some time now so I took out the lost technology and listened to them for the first time, all the while looking at the translation as I went... aaand I noticed a few things that seemed to have been missed in that translation. I decided to sort of... suggest changes to that translated script, cause it seemed more or less okay to me, with some tweaks.

But as I went on, even I could hear that it got a bit wild and strayed further from the original in places, so I just did my own transcripts to be sure (no I am still in no way fluent in Japanese) and did a totally fresh translation of many of the lines. I'm pretty confident in the job I did there and I wanna show you guys, cause if you've ever read the translation above (or even if you do so now), I think that the whole thing will make more sense with those things fixed.

I started quite a few translation projects already and I wasn't planning to do this one on top, just was curious and wanted to check casually. But then this happened cause I have no impulse control. I know I tease great many things already but I guess my mental state right now is 'better do something that I'm into right now rather than procrastinate and fall into the dark mental pit of nothingness'.

TL;DR Expect a movie drama translation sometime this year, I swear it is interesting too, otherwise I wouldn't bother with it.

@umadashibayashiashibayashi @coverteyes

I'll use this post to reply to you, since it's somehow related: Thanks for the interest and support! Of course, I will continue translating the novels, too, I just like to switch between things whenever I get bored/burned out. Regarding the novels, since I was able to proceed at a faster pace than anticipated, I thought maybe I'd publish the first results after I'm done with the first book. Before that, I will probably publish some more artbook translations @heavenlydragon. Those have been beta-read just need to straighten some details and they're ready to go. It's the rest of this book.

I would like to have all the translations beta-read like the Marlene Chapter since I'm an ESL and the outcome of juggling three languages in my head is... not always comprehensible (I hope this post is at least a but cause I'm chotto braindead after this translating session), but we'll see. Maybe I'll just post them in their unholy state, haha. I'm again tempted to look into the website options to publish these things somewhere with a bit more... structure than a blog, too. Thing is just, I'm into translating right now, as you can clearly see ^^; I did quite a lot of it already (it looks like quite an obsession I realize) but it feels pretty rewarding with the new information and people's feedback/appreciation tbh! So thanks, I will continue translating, too! Always hoping for more inspiration to come my way~

[the-queen-of-ships]

So, I got back into a Disney classic, specifically Beauty and the Beast. I watched the live action in cinemas, a bit auto tuned and Emma was a bit stiff during her performance and I have a few nitpicks here and there but the clothes, cgi, and choreography was stunning even the yellow dress tho I was not impressed when I saw it and still think its not all that good I love how she twirls in it. And the additional songs are lovely currently Im obsessed with 'Evermore'.

So, beware cause I'm gonna start gushing about how this song is perfect for Whitney and Calpernia whether you think of it as romantic or unrequited. I wouldn't have pieced this together if I wasn't writing an indulgent fic but here we are. I'm only choosing the ones that correlate to the canon story so far and since I now have a one shot idea I ain't throwing all my eggs in one basket and really bc I dont want to make this too long bc I need to sleep.

I was the one who had it all

I was the master of my fate

I never needed everybody in my life

So this one is pretty simple, it's basically about Whitney's poor choices because of his upbringing. Couldn't afford the luxury of trusting anyone even his siblings and the one time he did, he almost died for it.

I learned the truth too late

I'll never shake away the pain

I close my eyes but she's still there

I let her steal into my melancholy heart

It's more than I can bear

So, this would be around the time he finally sought to change. He'll always live to regret his actions and the very last one who he wronged; Calpernia will still haunt him even when he has apologized. Like guy dedicates a journey for apologizing to other people and he decides Calpernia to be the last one.

Now I know she'll never leave me

Even as she runs away

She will still torment me

Calm me, hurt me

Move me, come what may

So, pretty much the same as the last one but I'd like to bring your attention to 'torment me, calm me, hurt me, come what may' Calpernia really does affect him. In the comic, she has 'tormented and hurt him' this could go two ways literally and figuratively.

Literally, when she was still mad and when she puts him on the spot during Gwen's dinner party.

Figuratively, like the thought of her. I'd imagine the thoughts of Calpernia and those he has hurt accompany him during his travels. When he arrived in the CPC, he started being tormented and hurt by his guilt increasing because he was unknowingly developing feelings for her.

She also 'calms him' when he was having self doubt and contemplating leaving.

Now I know she'll never leave me

Even as she fades from view

She will still inspire me

Be a part of everything I do

When Whitney was having self doubt about his and Calpernia's change, she was able to prove to him that she has changed by fighting bootleg Johnny Bravo. That inspires him to help the Princels with their couch.

And also, if we think about it they're in the present today because of their past mistakes. Calpernia who let herself be stomped down and be the bait to lure in Asa. Whitney who plotted to murder Asa but accidentally stabs the wrong person.

That's about it really. Since I'm looking to make a hopefully short one shot bc I mentioned before I was writing an indulgent fic about these two and it somehow turned out longer than I imagined. So am I procrastinating, since technically I'm still doing stuff I'll know I'll post?

[mxbottleflip]

The Boyz - Son Eric [Smut] :^)

sorry i'm too uncreative for captions

heya ! after procrastinating for the last few hours i'm finally able to post my very first smut, yay ! enjoy, my loves ♡

________________________________________

pairing: {brattamer/dom!eric (tbz) x fem!brat!reader}

summary: {eric is busy studying and you think of a way to get his attention-turning into smut obv.}

word count: {~1,3-1,4k}

warnings: {none really, issa smut lol}

requested: {yes, by anon ! dw i gotchu :D}

________________________________________

~tysm for the request !~

(also eric is still going to school in this au sksks felt like giving him homework to focus on fit pretty nice)

NOT PROOF READ BECAUSE I'M TOO LAZY MYSELF AND HAVE NO FRIENDS TO DO THAT FOR ME (:

ACTUAL START DOWN HERE

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the way eric licked his lips while working on his homework got you weak in the knees. he looked so incredibly hot whenever he was concentrating on something, you could watch him for years. "y/n could you please stop staring at me like that ? it kinda makes me nervous..", eric finally spoke up and turned around in his seat to look at you. you were sitting right next to him and probably haven't looked away a single time since he started studying.

your eyes were scanning his face, all of his features.. his damn good looking face almost made you angry. "what the fuck are you so handsome for ??", you yelled and let out a fake cry. eric just laughed at it and turned back to the bunch of papers infront of him: "yeah i mean if i had nothing good about me, i wouldn't have such a gorgeous girlfriend like you eh ?"

his words also put a smile on your face, but honestly you weren't in the mood for sweet talk right now. you've been extremely horny since you guys woke up in the morning and eric rather gave all his attention to his stupid homework than to his "gorgeous girlfriend".

"how long will that stuff take ? i've been waiting for hours and i need you right nowww", you whine. "mhm patience my girl, rushing me wont help you", he responds.

a sigh left your mouth and you let your hand fall on his thigh, resting it there for some time. he obviously didn't mind, so you started carressing it, giving it some squeezes in between. "y/n please, if the fact that you are staring at me all the time didn't make me nervous enough, this is, for sure.. i'll be finished very soon and will be all yours then, alright ?", he scratched his head and gently pushed your hand away from his thigh. flashing him the biggest smile and nodding at the same time, you stood up and walked over to his closet. you'd be getting what you wanted, one way or another.

you opened erics closet, looking for one of his shirts to throw on. after you found what you were looking for, you unclasped your bra and pulled your shirt over your head. tossing them both on the floor, you turned around to see if eric was looking - no chance. you groaned, took off your pants and threw them onto your other clothes. while quickly slipping his shirt over, you still kept an eye on him. honestly how could anyone look THAT hot while studying ??

you were now left with only his big ass tshirt and your panties on, making your way back to him. instead of sitting back onto your own seat, you let yourself down on erics lap. he let out a sigh once again: "you comfortable now, ma'am ?" you hummed in response and started to move around a little, trying to get even more 'comfortable'.

"if you insist on sitting in my lap, could you at least stay still ? listen, you're not the only person in this household who'd prefer to do something else right now, but i really have to get this done and having you move around on my dick is not helpi- is that my shirt you're wearing ??"

this time you didn't respond in any way, you just kept moving around and squeezing his thighs. eric tried to push you off of his lap, but you stayed stubborn: "is there a problem with it ? also,, your little friend's telling me you love having me in your lap.."

"no, there's not but.. please get up, i can't work like that ! and never call my dick 'little friend' again !", he complained. after he tried to push you away multiple times, you actually got up and were now standing next to him, looking like you don't belong anywhere.

"you know i'd love to spend my time with you right now, but i really have to focus on studying at the moment.. also, why the hell are you not wearing pants anymore ??", he groaned after seeing your bare legs poke out below his shirt, ".. you're really something else, you know that, right ? just let me finish my work now." you had to hold back a laugh at how annoyed he seemed, but compared to you, eric didn't think there was anything to laugh about. he rolled his eyes, concentrating on his studies again.

at this point you were becoming a little frustrated too, not understanding how he could still resist you and STILL prefer working on school rather than working on you (ehehe). all of the sudden an idea came to your mind, that one has to work for sure !you grabbed the pen he was currently writing with and threw it on the floor;

"oh noo, seems like you dropped something.. let me help you !"

you bend down in front of him, revealing half your ass and picking up the pen, when you're being pulled back onto his lap again. "enough of that, stop playing around already. you just wont let me study, will you ? fucking brat, you think you can keep acting up like that all day and expect me to stay calm ?"

out of shock you dropped the pen you just picked up again and immediatly felt your heat throbbing at his reaction.

did that really just work ??

now he was the one to squeeze your thighs, but he didn't go easy on you. he grabbed a handful of your flesh and roughly kneaded it until you felt a burning pain spreading in that area, the pain causing you to moan. "bet you just wanted me to snap at some point, right ? test how far you could push me until i go crazy ?" you hummed, slightly embarrassed at the fact, that seeing your boyfriend being annoyed of you turned you on that much.

after you admitted to that, his hands were quick to find their way to your core, rubbing your clothed clit. you let your head fall back onto his chest, "knew it.. ", he whispered. eric also murmured something else you didn't quiet understand, but you were just trying to enjoy the moment really. "all that teasing just for the tiniest bit of pleasure..", he then added, ".. you couldn't even be patient about it.. unbelievable."

after a good minute of him straight up teasing you, you started whining. "please, s-stop teasing me..", you stuttered.

"huh, what did you say ? weren't you the one to start all the teasing ?", he cheekily asked, and you just groaned in response. "come on, speak up baby, tell me what you want." "please.. just touch me eric god damn, i've been waiting for this the entire day, i really need you, please.."

that earned you a little chuckle from eric: "hmm i don't think you derseve to be touched at all, thinking of the way you acted up all day..", regardless of what he just said, he got rid of your panties and started properly rubbing your clit. his free hand went up to your throat, giving it a good squeeze, "you've been such a brat, not listening to me and teasing me all day.. shouldn't i be punishing you rather than pleasuring you now ?"

you shook your head 'no': "you just looked so good concentrating on your stuff and all and- oh fuck..", you were interrupted by him letting a finger sink into you, curling it upwards and squeezing your throat tighter. finally getting what you wanted just felt way too good..

"god, feels like you're soaking and i haven't even started yet..", eric panted and started moving his finger inside of you, soon adding another one. "feels.. so nice.. please keep going.." your breathing became even heavier as the hand that was resting around your throat now went down to your boobs, teasing your nipples and twisting them gently. by that time you could feel an obvious bulge poking at your butt, so you tried lifting your hips a bit and returning the favor. "don't even think about that, you're not getting to touch me", eric demands, increasing the speed of his fingers pumping in and out of you, "drop your attitude first."

"i-i don't know what you mean..", you panted and closed your eyes, to solely focus on his actions. "oh, so now you don't know what i'm talking about anymore ?", he mocked and pumped his fingers as far into you as he could, earning a surprised moan from you, ".. you don't remember dropping that pen on purpose just to show your fucking ass off to me ? was that someone else then ?" him bringing that up made you clench around his fingers and you couldn't hold back any of your moans anymore. you automatically pressed your butt against his bulge, hoping to get any kind of response to that.

even though he managed to hold back how horny he actually was pretty well, you could clearly hear him cursing under his breath now. "and also.. shit.. what are you gonna do about it, huh ? about me disrespecting you and.. n-not listeni-.." eric shoved his free fingers into your mouth, stopping you from talking. "shut your mouth already, am i not doing enough for you yet? needy little brat, once i've made you cum i'll throw you on the bed and fuck some sense into you, but you'd probably even like that, wouldn't you ?"

________________________________________

if you read until here,, wow, tysm ! i hope you somewhat enjoyed it lol

i'm actually thinking about writing a part 2, if anyone would even be interested in that.. anywaysss

feel free to request whatever you like !

feedback is always welcome ~

stay healthy & stan the boyz ♡

honestly what a visual god wow

[allywolf45]

Remembering The Roadhouse Part 2

Hi there! Part 2 is finally ready to be read! That and I have other exciting news! I have posted that I have recently made a new block for all things Beetlejuice and School of Rock, but it kind of helps to find it if you have a name. The name of the new blog is beetles-and-rock. I will repost Part 1 as well as post Part 2 there.

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The aching Dewey woke to in his neck and back, from sleeping on the couch, made him long for the bed down the hall. the only problem was Rosalie was still asleep, and if he woke her now, she'd go right back to working herself to exhaustion. He wanted her to rest as much as he could get her to, because he was pretty sure it was the only rest she was getting.

Still the pain caused him to think of the bed, and the mornings he'd woken up there, with Rosalie at his side. Many of those times had been the mornings after nights similar to last night, when he would spend the evening with Rosalie, and play his guitar while she worked. Eventually they'd get tired and go to bed.

To his shame, there were a few mornings he'd woken up hungover at her side, and he knew it meant she had to drag him there from whatever bar he'd gotten very drunk at. Those mornings were often full of embarrassment, regret, and a ton of apologies, but even then she'd cuddle him through the hangover. And everytime it left him why she still loved and dealt with him, as well as caused him to consider himself lucky she did.

A slight movement of Rosalie's head against his chest brought his attention back to her. Her hair was down and messy, and she didn't have her glasses on. Dewey always thought this made her look younger, and often wondered if he was catching a glimpse the younger more reckless Rosalie Mullins she told him about that night at the Roadhouse. Once again he wondered if he should do something special with her, but now he worried that with all the stress she was under, they wouldn't be able to.

As he continued to throw ideas back and forth in his mind, Rosalie woke up. No longer able to hide the pain, Dewey let out a moan as she lifted her head and then sat up.

“Dewey, are you alright?“

"Yeah...“ He sat up and a sharp pain shot through his neck and shoulder. “Nope!" He practically yelped falling back down.

Rosalie stood up, and held out a hand for him. "Come on. Let's go to bed."

Fairly surprised and relieved that she was going to continue resting, Dewey took her hand and got up from the couch with a few popping and cracking noises in his back, and followed her to the bedroom. Once in the bed Dewey wasn't able to give much more thought to much of anything. He wasn't aware of how tired he still was, and fell back asleep just after Rosalie did.

Several hours later, Dewey woke holding Rosalie. She looked up from where she lay with her arms wrapped around his middle. Her messy hair fell to the side as she smiled up at him. The pleasant feelings that usually came with waking up next to her finally ensued.

He smiled back at her, and brushed her hair back out of her face with his hand.

"Good morning, beautiful." He said.

Rosalie laughed. “I'm pretty sure it's past noon, Dewey."

He leaned up to look, at the clock. "Ow! ow! ow!"

"Aww, Dewey..." Rosalie gently pressed her hand against his chest to get him to lay back down. “I'm sorry, we should've gone to bed sooner. You wouldn't be aching so much now if we had slept in the bed."

Dewey turned onto his side putting an arm around her. “It's okay. We both didn't realize how tired we were, and you got decent sleep.“ He paused a little embarrassed. "well, at least I hope you did. I know my stomach kept making noises."

“I didn't notice a thing. I was so tired."

"I know. You've been working so hard, Rosalie. I wish you could relax, just for a night."

"Dewey..."

"I know you've got a lot of work to do, but parent's night is next week. I'm not saying you should procrastinate-“

She rolled her eyes,and gave him a smirk. "Dewey, you're always procrastinating."

"Ouch..." Dewey exaggerated a look of hurt.

"Would a kiss make it feel better?"

Dewey smiled. "It might."

Rosalie pressed her lips against his, and Dewey immediately wished he could freeze time. Though kissing between the two was far from a rare occurrence, he enjoyed the warmth or the rush he felt inside, whichever it was that came. Still she pulled back away, and just like that, it was over.

"What were we talking about?" Dewey asked.

Rosalie's smile was sweet. "Procrastination." She answered.

"Oh... yeah..." Dewey hugged her closer to him. “Let's do a little more of that.“

"We can't anymore, Dewey. I need you to drive me back to my vehicle at the school."

"I don't wanna...."

"Dewdrop..."

There it was. The petname she would utter that would make him do anything. It wasn't very cool nickname, but the way she said it made him melt. He hated his vulnerability to it.

"Fine...“ He sighed. “I'll take you to the school. When I get home, maybe Ned will send ya what's left of me, after Patti has my head."

Rosalie giggled holding his face. "Patti's not going to hurt you. You'll be just fine, but if she upsets you too badly, you can always call me.“

With one final whiney noise Dewey forced himself out of the bed. He went to the bathroom to "fix" his hair, while Rosalie got dressed. When it came time for Rosalie to use the bathroom, Dewey came out with his hair more or less the same as when he entered, and waited on the couch. He wouldn't be there long though, Rosalie was pretty quick about getting ready, even on weekends.

For Dewey, the drive was too short. The whole way to the school they were blasting some of there favorite songs on the radio, but now he was parked right beside her car in the school parking lot. In a few minutes he'd be going home to Patti yelling at him about something he‘d forgotten to do, and the thought of leaving this pleasant situation for that one made him feel as though some kind of weight was sitting in the center of his stomach.

"Thank you for driving me back to my car, Dewey." Rosalie leaned over and kissed him one more time.

"No problem.“ Dewey sighed when she pulled back away.

"See you Monday!“ She smiled.

"See you Monday...“

Rosalie got out of the van and walked around it to get to her car. Seeing her in his rearview mirror sparked an impulse in him. He opened his door and stepped out of the van.

"Rosalie... uh... Miss Mullins... sorry..."

She seemed taken aback by this sudden action, but smiled anyway.

"Yes, Mr. Finn?"

"You know...uh...Thursday night is um... Well a year ago I... um..."

"You?"

"I asked you to meet me at the Roadhouse... the night before the Battle of the Bands and um...parent's night."

Rosalie blushed a little, though it was hard to tell if she thought fondly of the memory, which made him even more nervous. Still he found the courage to continue.

"Thursday night will be exactly a year since then, and I was hoping maybe you and I could uh... maybe do something special since it was kinda the first time we went out."

She smiled again. “I'd love to, Dewey." She kissed his cheek. Excitement welled up inside of him.

"So it a date then?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's a date!" Rosalie replied.

Unable to contain his excitement Dewey hugged her. As he felt her arms comes around his middle and tighten a bit, he became set on making that night special somehow.

[imacrowcawcaw]

These Dreams (Sanny) 1/3

*Just realized that this is super long and the formatting is a mess so I'm breaking it into three and cleaning it up*

Title: These Dreams

Author (As known on Various sites): Lady Lover- Rockfic, Luluthechoosingcrow - AO3, theladylovingcrow - Wattpad and Deviantart, Tumblr - imacrowcawcaw

Fandom: Greta Van Fleet

Pairing: Danny Wagner/Sam Kiszka, Josh Kiszka/Jake Kiszka at the end

Warnings/Tags: first time, first kiss, smut, frontage, grinding, fluff, attempted humor, discussions of underage attraction

Summary: *No actual underage sex graphically depicted, but it's talked about*

*twincest at the very end*

"'You're telling me that we've known each other, been near inseparable, since seventh grade, and you've never once thought about it? At all? You've had to have thought about giving guys a try at least once, everyone questions their sexuality." Sammy gave him a shit eating grin. He scooted even closer to Danny, so that their knees touched and their noses weren't more than half a foot apart. Danny stopped laughing.'

Author's Notes: Sammy seems to be the instigator in most things, and Danny always seems to be secretly in love (in my stories), but I like it like that lol.

God I finished this at midnight lol

For Helena and everyone else who needs gvf content down deep in their soul like I do

Sorry, it's kinda dialogue heavy

Singing along to Fleetwood Mac gave me the title

*I am marking this as underage because there is discussion of attractions and fantasies while they were underage, masturbation, losing virginity while under 18. But there is no graphic underage sex actually written, both boys are at like 20 or nearly 20 (today era) where I place this. (Also will not be posted on Rockfic because I've made that mistake once before and I respect their rules and the reasons behind them)

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"What if we fucked?"

Danny let his head roll to the side on his pillow so he could eye Sam.

"What?"

"I dunno, it was just a random idea. Like, don't you think it would be kinda fun?"

Danny stared at him, confusion and amusement mingling on his face. This wasn't the weirdest thing Sam had said in, hell, the last half an hour? But, still, the hypothetic had Danny's attention simply because the idea was something he never really thought about - or, at least, never thought would ever happen. A boy had wet dreams and fantasies, they weren't always things he would actually act on.

"I've never thought about it."

Just not gonna mention those dreams. Or the one time he jacked off while sharing a bed with Sam, nose breathing in the scent of his hair and eyes roaming his best friend's sleeping backside. That never happened, okay?

"Really, like never?"

Sam actually looked surprised. He had?

"You're telling me that we've known each other, been near inseparable, since seventh grade, and you've never once thought about it? At all? You've had to have thought about giving guys a try at least once, everyone questions their sexuality."

"Well- I mean..."

To come clean or to not come clean, that was the question in Danny's mind. Sammy seemed totally cool with the idea, though, so it probably wouldn't do him any harm to admit it. Unless this was a prank? Nah, Sam loved jokes but this wasn't his style. He would never pick on someone for something like this, he much preferred messing with Danny in other ways.

"Fine, yeah, I've thought about it. Had a really intense dream in like, eighth, that freaked me out for a while. Didn't know how to deal with it then, ya know?"

"See, I knew it! Everyone thinks about it! What was your dream about?"

Sam bounced on the bed like an excited puppy - which, he was. A cute, fluffy, yapping ball of energy with too big feet who got super excited whenever he met new people, that was Sammy. How could Danny not love him?

"Do you really wanna hear about this?"

He had to know, just to make double sure, that Sam wasn't pulling his leg.

"Yes, I do! It's interesting to think about. And - if you tell me about your's, I'll tell you about mine?"

"Wait, your dream? What? When? How much have you thought about this? Like, being with a guy, or with me? How come you've never said anything?!"

Why was this the first time he'd heard about this? Sam was usually very vocal about everything he was thinking, at least when in private with his brothers and Danny.

Though, he guessed he knew why: it was the same reason he'd never really mentioned his own dreams and ponderings to Sam.

"Well, how come *you've* never said anything?" Sam countered. "And I'll tell you what I've thought about, but later; I wanna hear hear about this dream that freaked you out so bad. What could it have even been?"

"Mr. Oakenstein."

"WHAT?!"

Danny was cracking up at Sam's face, he looked like he'd just been told that Gibson was going out of business or something.

"Please tell me you're joking!" Sam begged. Poor boy, Danny should put him out of his misery.

"Of course I'm joking, doofus! God - Mr. Oakenstein? He was at least seventy five when we took bio! There's no way that - if I liked guys - I'd be into him. He's so wrinkly and hunched and- and *jowly*."

They both shuddered. Mr. Oakenstein's name brought back unpleasant memories of weekly chapter tests (how was it even possible to go through a book that fast?) and frog electrocution, not to mention the mental image of his sagging, jiggly face.

"Would he have even been able to get it up? Like, how long does Viagra take to kick in? You'd just have to lay there waiting and looking at him - which, ugh. That would be a nightmare, not a dream."

"Yeah," Danny agreed, still giggling a little bit, "I didn't dream about him, but it definitely would have freaked me out more if I had. Hey, you still think Miss Marcie is hot?"

Danny was procrastinating, they both knew it, but this was always a fun conversation to have.

"Always, dude. I still remember with, like, perfect clarity the time she had me come in during lunch to go over my test. I looked up and she was *right there* leaning over me reading what I was doing, and I could kind of see up her shirt... man, I was so distracted the rest of the day."

Sam sounded dreamy, lost in his memories of a hot tenth grade teacher.

"I remember that day! You were so distracted after school on the way home, you nearly drove us into a lake. And at band practice you kept messing up, Joshie nearly strangled you with his mic cord."

"Yeah! Man, I was so hard, I couldn't fucking concentrate on anything else except for trying not to cum right then and there. As soon as we called it quits for the day I was in the bathroom; and of course Jake knew what was up and wouldn't stop ribbing me about it the rest of the night."

"Damn, that bad? I mean, she was hot but she wasn't, like, *amazing*, was she?"

"You might not think so, but Miss Marcie is always gonna have a place in my heart. And the spank bank," Sam sighed. They both snickered.

"Well, what about you, hmm?" He asked. "If you didn't like Mr. Goldenstein, then who? Everyone gets hot for teacher."

Sam hummed the lyrics to the classic for a minute, Danny filling in the guitar parts. Neither of them listened to Van Halen that much, but how could you not know that song?

After a little drum solo on his thigh while Sam progressed into increasingly southern banjo sounding guitar noises, Danny stopped and answered.

"I agree, Ms. Marcelina was really hot, but she had NOTHING on Mrs. Bell. Do you remember that red dress she uses to wear?"

"Of course I do! The economy of the United States has never been so interesting!"

Danny snorted. "Dude, you never gave a shit about econ, you just liked to stare at her. Which, okay, I did too. She made that class bareable."

"I'd say she made it a bit more than bareable. And yeah, that red dress was something else,"

Sam rolled onto his side.

"Hey, what if Mr. Goldstein wore a red cocktail dress. Would you go for him then?"

Sam laughed when Danny shoved at his shoulder, shaking with amusement and disgust at the thought.

"You know, I've never entertained that thought, but I am SO glad you brought it to my attention. I'll never be able to *stop thinking about it* now, Samuel."

Sammy gave him a shit eating grin. He scooted even closer to Danny, so that their knees touched and their noses weren't more than half a foot apart. Danny stopped laughing.

Part 2

[notexactlyrocketscience]

~ on social media and blogging ~

Basically the only thing I've done in my last 24 posts (yes, I counted) is vent about my first semester at UTSA. Often repetitively.

A little backstory: You wouldn't know it from looking at me, my room, or my closet (especially not my closet) but I like to put things into boxes, arrange them in the most efficient way possible. Even when my room or notes are messy, I know exactly where my red scarf is (at the bottom of my closet where it fell from the hanger the other day while I was hurrying for school), where my flier for tomorrow's event is (somewhere in the middle of the pile of papers on my desk where I put it last week) and which emails I need to re-check tonight (the weekly newsletter, the extra-credit intructions, and the mid-semester meeting notice).

I despise any and all class-notes that aren't done exactly the way I like them—which is using as little repetition and words as possible. Whenever I write, I Google, copy and paste em dashes and make sure there are no spaces on either side. For a 600 word limit, my work will more often than not have exactly 600 words because I don't want to waste any. I use Google Calender to stay on schedule. Planners intimidate me because there's no limit to what can be done with them, and although I want to start a bullet journal, I'm not going to until I find a uniform format that feels right to me.

I don't get to doing it everyday, but at least around once a week or two I get my room, closet and school stuff together again (my person is a lost cause). Delaying this process is something that stresses me out quite a bit ... and is something I do regularly. Especially since the year before last, I feel like I'm in a constant state of burnout (which doesn't make any sense because I'm completely responsibility-free right now compared to other kids my age) and I procrastinate towards everything. EVERYTHING.

So yes, I've technically been spiralling slow-mo (and have been bewildered at myself) for the last couple (going on three) years now ... But back to my point.

I used to write a lot of journal entries. Extremely detailed ones. I spent hours on them every day. I have entire years of my life documented minute-to-minute—I am not even kidding. Once I fell out of that habit (cough the last two years happened) I was never able to pick it back up again (trust me, I tried).

Remember how I like to put things into boxes? The same goes for my feelings. The worst I could ever feel isn't angry or sad or desperate. No, the worst I could ever feel is not knowing what I feel. That's the only feeling that really scares me, dries out my soul. Everything is a mess and can't be put into their places anymore: I'm distracted, unsettled. Behind my eyes is a rainstorm gone wrong, a broken window, a gale whistling in and whipping every piece of paper in my workshop out of place, no end in sight.

When Instagram came into the picture a few years ago, that was in many ways my first step from hiding to bravery. For the first time, I had this space to express myself that was totally under my control, and it was empty. Devoid of prior expectations. For the first time, I was stepping forward and being myself in public, and in that way finding myself too. I'd be lying if I said that I'd be the very same person that I am right now if this hadn't been part of my life.

It gives me peace to be able to neatly document moments of my life here. It's not as time-consuming and as big a commitment as journaling, and somehow the pictures I take randomly gives me motivation to write something they make me feel, which is huge, since at this point this is the only form of creative expression I still indulge in, and one of the only things that make me feel like I have control anymore.

Gasp. I know it's social media, so this might sound superficial and naive to some. Believe me, I constantly battle the same feelings, internalized. Do I do it for attention? For the mini serotonin rush every time those little heart notifications appear? For human connection that I'm missing? Maybe. It's hard to know.

What I do know is that it's empowering to be able to write all this and let it loose for the public to see, ignore, read, dismiss, judge, and then to still be able to hold onto my paranoid sanity. I'm still not as brave as I'd like to be. Sometimes a wave of instinct to delete half my posts will engulf me to near-suffocation. But every single one of my silly, weird, random too-much-information, and borderline innapropriate posts are still out there. Because every time I feel that way, I clench my jaw and tell myself it's temporary and I'll regret it if I act on it. And it's true. Every day I succeed is another day that I choose not to run and hide like I've done too many times in the past. It's one step forward into caring less and understanding other people care less, and just breathing freely without worrying. It's a step towards freedom, confidence.

... I'm this bad behind a screen just talking about everyday things that don't even matter, that only a handful of people will read (s/o if you do. Thank you—means a lot!)—imagine what I'm like in actual social contexts, at the centre of attention in a crowded room.

Well ... I'll let you guys know when I finally stop running and find out for myself. Till then, I guess y'all are just stuck with me, as I am, right now.

[end]

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