#If I was still on meds
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I was so real for this
#It's so crazy.. I've been unmedicated for 6 months#And the fury and despair I feel every single day has pushed me to do things I never would have done before#Like in a positive way#Don't get me wrong Im always like 5 seconds away from snapping#Which is not good#But also I don't think I would have set the goals Ive set since#If I was still on meds#Bc my meds didn't stop me from feeling despair they just stopped me from being angry enough to do anything about it
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i love it when characters are codependent. i love it when losing someone feels like losing a limb. i love it when two people "complete" each other so wholly and terribly that one can barely function without the other. i love it when the fear of losing the only person who understands them is so all-consuming they'll destroy anything to stay together, including themselves.
#gray.txt#im really normal about moirails#i need to start writing again LOL#ive done 3 entire fics in the last decade but also im on adhd meds so maybe thatll help#still need 2 overcome my debilitating perfectionism tho. it's a work in progress
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oh. I think my fears about Chiefcake passing from old age were more on point than I realized. she's acting very weak right now.
and it's late on a friday, when all the rabbit-specific vets have closed. I'll call around anyway to see if at home euthanasia is an option tonight.
#I didn't expect it to be this soon#she's been sleeping more and urinating outside of the litter box#so I was planning on getting her on arthritis meds to see if those helped her move around better#but tonight......I know how animals act when they're dying.#something has gone wrong inside her#god these things always happen at night when the vets have closed 💀#all I can do is stay with her and try to make her as comfortable as possible#this sucks#at least she still feels good enough to eat the apple slice I'm offering and tooth-purr while being stroked
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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I am
• worried
• depressed
• uncomfortable
• upset
• afraid
• uneasy
it does not feel good.
I'm going to drink some water, take a nap, and deal with these things later
#I'm still waiting to hear back if I got my apartment#I just broke my glasses#I ran out of my meds and it might take a while to get more#I have so many people I need to message back#I fucked up and missed my therapy appointment yesterday#I'm with both of my parents for the holidays and I'm not out as she/her#I just feel gross
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Period Cramps Bones that I drew to cope w just experiencing one of the worst instances of it in my life
#she’s still getting me#actually as I’m typing this I think my meds have hit#I can finally go back to bed#my art#bones mccoy#leonard mccoy#dr mccoy#star trek
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Wait I’m just realizing how funny it is that springtrap/ William and all his variations see an unhappy child with brown hair, brown eyes and striped shirt and immediately goes … yes I must have him as my own like 🧍♂️
#im sorry I think its my meds kicking in I can’t stop laughing#oh gosh#okokok#LMAO ??? is bro ok is this how he copes#pix habla#fnaf#oh gosh alright I’m good now#into the pit#fnaf security breach#fnaf 4#it all comes down to crying child that’s sad but also girl he’s still around as a ghost just ? stop trying to replace him 😭#springtrap#William Afton#HAHHSHSHADBDNDR#this shouldn’t be this funny#ok im done now sayonara yall#I need to finish the game tbh just haven’t fell well enough TTwTT
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it is Sunday which means Vinny gets to sit alone, on the counter, in the dark, staring at the coffee maker. It is his activity.
#Taking new med to raise blood pressure and sweep away heart palpitations which was going great#Until I forgot to take it before bed and woke up at 3 am with symptoms back Swinging#My brain was still asleep but my body was in hell
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this is a reminder to take your meds [:
unless it is not time for you to take your meds, then donot [:
#crab chatter#fnaf moon#fnaf dca#dca fandom#funko#im still sick#but i have a little attendant to remind me to take my meds#medication
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(psst part 2 is here !NSFW!)
yandere!bully who is the biggest fuckin’ ass to you. you don’t even do anything, you could just be minding your own damn business and here he comes slapping your ass and laughing like jackass when you jump up and make a surprised noise at the sudden feeling. when you turn around he’s already way ahead of you; turning his head to look at you and sticking his tongue out with a wink that makes you wanna roll your eyes to the back of your skull.
whether you have good grades or not, he’s going through textbooks and most importantly; your phone. you think he’s gonna text your parents or your crush something so fucking embarrassing and make your life hell but actually… he just needs some photos of you to fist his cock to because you don’t post anything of yourself anywhere.
if the only thing he wanted was to inflict pain and misery there are far more entertaining losers in this fuckin’ shithole of a school no- what he wants is that cute ass of yours. he can’t stop thinking about how one day he just went up to you and put a lollipop he had on his mouth all day on yours; your first reaction was to fuckin’ suck on it with a hum to see what flavor it is.
when he’s in the shower, shivering as he feels his tip leaking pre-cum just at the thought of you sucking on it; his dick throbbing when he remembers how cute and fuckable those lips of yours are— almost cumming from just playing with his tip like a fucking virgin.
he’s in class for the only time that day and the only thing he can think about is how fucking clingy is that ‘best friend’ of yours is to you. the fucker always makes eye contact with him as their hands snake around your waist and you don’t even care— like it’s your normal everyday thing that they get to touch you like that. he wants to choke that fucking bitch or better yet stab them to death and use the blood to wet their dick for easy entry to that tight hole of yours. fuck— you have to be a virgin, right? that whore had better not taken what’s rightfully his, you with everything you can ever offer him.
he feels the pencil snap in his hand as he feels his dick strain against the tight school pants; his left eye twitching as his right leg starts bouncing up and down. he has to do something about this before the semester ends.
#i have a migraine i took a hard hitting med and it still didnt do shit ughhhh but i’ve been thinking abt this a lot#so here u go#nsft#genshin nsft#genshin smut#hsr nsft#gender neutral reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin x male reader#genshin x reader#hsr smut#hsr x reader#yandere nsft#yandere x y/n#yandere x male reader#yandere smut#yandere x you#yandere x reader#yandere bully
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I know you miss me baby, the tarot lady on Tiktok told me.
#me#there’s no worse feeling than feeling like you’re too much of anything for someone#still very ill but I have new meds to try so fingers crossed
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Idk new post bc the last lost traction, no donations in a week. We need 450 for the rest of February, 450 for a deposit, and 950 for March, 50 for the rest of the utilities. We were homeless since Aug 2020 excepting 4 different months whose places fell through for various reasons, have to get rid of the van we were living in because it's falling apart, Collie got FFS December 28th, she's recovering well and maybe could do something with a car if we had a better car, given her ability to drive. I still haven't found much work but I'm still looking. Anything helps.
paypal.me/NoraEstherRose
venmo: nora-esther-rose
venmo: Leah-Esther-Rose
#i wish i could get a loan ? i hate how little my parents have ever helped me. we rely too much on collies mom who can only do so much#we both have various disabilities we still are in the process of understanding.... i hope i get adhd meds soon. :(#we havent been able to afford better anti depressants for over a week now. i hate feeling dependent#i wish it were a prescription.... stupid world. stupid time
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hate that i have the brownie curse where i can't do shit if people are around
#they were supposed to leave 3 hours ago and i was gonna work on construction projects then but i'm running out of awake time...#and they are still here so idk if i'll get to it today....#might be able to swing it tomorrow/saturday but i hate putting it off...wish i'd taken my meds today after all augh#stirring up trouble#but nooooo i wanted coffee.....stupid....orz
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Guys I realized you can’t compromise quality time on your core interests without compromising your own core self and fading away as a person . Did you know about this
#This is a realization you come to every day as a pre med btw#You’re j kinda like I don’t need to be a person for the next 3 months and then you’re like oh that’s so unhealthy actually#And the cycle repeats and then u reach acceptance in residency when the 80 hr work week hits 😍#Awk#I should probably stop sulking and take advantage of the freedom I have before med school#Like I’ll still make time for stuff then too but I know that’ll be a whole other level of time management
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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Tma au where nothing is wrong ever and Jon gets to pet as many cats as he likes
#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#tim stoker#sasha james#its just an office comedy at this point#idk the horrors are still there but now it's the horrors of genuinely needing a masters for archival sciences#BE SO FR what the hells is the point of a masters#listen this is my gripe about the educational ladder you have to climb in order to even think about going to library sciences#and getting some sort of guaranteed work off it#oh martin got through alright by lying but he got real lucky with this boss being a literal cult leader#but nooooo I have to finish my bachelors and get another 30k or so in debt BAR student finance#as if med school isnt already a scam!!!#and furthermore--#oh old art tag
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