#Idk why that thought came to me
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AND THE FINAL RESULT! The whole thing prolly took me like 2 - 2.5 hours to finish, from sketch to bg.
I made this for a friend and she really liked it so :DDD
#I REALLY like how this turne dout#I could 100 make it better#Like holy crap#The way he’s holding the knife? Yikes#Shoulda noticed that in the sketch phase lol#Also I don’t know if this is a weird thing to say but#In the og image#The way he’s holding the knife?#It’s just so cool#Idk why that thought came to me#It’s just the alignment of the fingers#Feels like he’s gonna do the thing where he holds the knife with his thumb#And then puts each finger on the knife one by one#Pinky to index#In a cool shot#Idk I’ve never watched any of the scream movies#Background was inspired by that one scene in the rise movvie#Raph getting impaled my beloved#Anyway slight apologies for having os many damn tags#Hope you all like it! :DDDD
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I genuinely love not having a crush like I’m not over here feeling physically sick over some mid guy being dry to me I’m literally chilling
#Spring semester of last year was so bad bc I was unironically into 3 guys at once and they were all#Being dry and cryptic to me#And then before that in 2022 I had my horrid situationship#I had a mini obsession arc in dec 2023 over someone but now there hasn’t been anyone since#And my palette is so cleansed#When a girl is like I miss having a crush I’m like you’re literally a masochist#There was very briefly a girl I thought I had a crush on when I realized I’m bicurious but#I haven’t put effort into talking to her bc the idea of pursuing anyone makes me wanna claw my eyes out#I’m pretty sure I ghosted her by like just not responding to her last messsge actually#Not on purpose but more so bc I realized I was feeling the same anxiety I felt whenever I had a crush so I was like#Yeah I’m dropping this for now#I’m also always the most present for my friends when I don’t have a crush so idk#Like I don’t wanna be consumed by anyone I just wanna chill#The solution to not having normal attraction to people is just to not be attracted to anyone at all#I fr cracked it#I always just crave the butterflies out of it and never an actual relationship anyway#But they’re so not worth it#Which is why I always get bored of guys who’re forthright like oh ok you actually WANT something…. U don’t wanna just have fun#Not for me#I think the guys I’m into and I typically diverge in the sense that neither of us wants a relationship but they just wanna fuck me#And I more so just want the butterflies experience / to playact couple for like a couple months but nothing too serious#Which is why it never works#Like it’s not that it doesn’t work bc either of us wants a relationship it’s more that what we want out of the situationship is different#So lame#Ok this was a lot but I literally came to this epiphany while writing these tags
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if you struggle with mental health, one piece of advice i would genuinely give you is learn to knit.
or crochet: something repetitive to do with your hands, assuming you're capable of it. if you're like me and learnt to knit as a kid but let it lie fallow for a long time, it may be that starting a large, simple project (for me it was a cloak, but a blanket could work too) gets you back into it. or maybe doing something smaller, idk. i personally found socks really hard for a while because they felt smaller than my cloak but weren't getting Done quick enough for me. as i've sped up i find it more interesting to knit socks.
regardless, a repetitive task is great for emotional regulation (also see: autistic stimming), and something that you can look at and go hey i've done something, unlike simply using a fidget toy, can also help to pick your mood up when the brain is being cruel.
it's also useful as a conversation starter or distracter if you don't know what to talk about. if you're wanting to talk to older people also you're more likely to reel them in with knitting (i work better with older people, and 99% of people who ask what i'm knitting are older than me). it also gives you the opportunity to not make eye contact because you're busy knitting, even if you're still carrying on a conversation. if you're absolutely stuck for conversation you can count your stitches and people might stop bothering you.
if you have trouble focusing without doing something with your hands, you can knit! i knit a lot in church, and it helps me to focus on what's being said.
i probably have more reasons you should pick up knitting, but i can't recall them right now, so yeah.
#knitting#catkin knits#i remember one specific time back in october where i was sitting in Bible class utterly unable to stop the most horrible thoughts going#through my head. i was knitting as fast as i've ever knitted. no exaggeration to say i was knitting to stop myself from attempting to die.#and afterwards i sat there in the corner knitting for all i was worth. just repeating to myself 'not now. i am not killing myself now.'#and someone saw me in the corner frantically knitting and came to ask if i was ok. and asked how my mental health was.#must've been end of oct bc it was the first wednesday after i was out of psych ward. and i was having lots of thoughts about the method#i'd used for what is still my most recent suicide attempt. which was in october. and i had the means with me.#it would have been a horrible thing to do. to kill oneself at Bible class. with children around. but i wasn't in a particularly hinged stat#of mind at the time. that's approximately the only clear memory i have of that time in fact.#anyway idk why im thinking of that rn when im fine
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One of the biggest things that makes me see Leo as trans is absolutely the size of his carapace in comparison to his brothers’.
And I’m not talking about height! I’m specifically looking at his shell here, because when you compare him to the others, particularly Donnie who is nearly the same height as Leo, it’s very clear that Leo’s carapace is much longer in proportion to the rest of his body.
Like - standing side by side, even though Donnie is shorter his carapace ends noticeably higher up than Leo’s does. And I like this not only because it really helps push the idea that Leo could very likely be trans (or intersex!), but it’s also just a fun design difference between them.
(It also lends way to future scenarios of Donnie eventually getting taller than Leo, but sitting down still has Leo being the taller one haha.)
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#trans leonardo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#trans leo#it’s like 4 am and I’m having trans leo feelings again sorry guys#totally get if other people disagree with me on this! but it’s always gonna be my no.1 headcanon fr#his complexion the vibrancy of his colors staying even in adulthood his general demeanor and this? this hc is LOCKED in my brain#plus the times Leo’s depicted in pink white and blue throughout the series like I KNOW it wasn’t on purpose but damn if it doesn’t help#(his nails are also the exact same as his toe nails/claws but I don’t super count this one tbh)#(even though it is TECHNICALLY another point in favor of trans leo)#(mainly because all the boys’ nails are very much more humanoid than turtle)#(just like how their tails aren’t really a factor either since we see them only in their baby forms and never again)#I really like the idea that he was a female red eared slider pre mutation#and Lou Jitsu’s dna paved how his humanoid features came out (aka a more masculine build and voice)#but his turtle features are all very much more in like with a female res#love the thought of rise bros meeting og comic turtle boys and Leo being like wait you guys are res too?? but…you’re not colorful……#one headcanon I have is that - you know the cute chirping and stuff we have the boys do?#I like to think that Leo’s chirping actually sounds more feminine to himself and his bros (so he tends to not do it)#idk I love thinking about this hc a lot and there’s no time like four am to talk about it huh?#future scenario has future Donnie going up to future Leo all smug like ah Nardo how’s the weather down there#and Leo’s all like good *sits down* why don’t you join me :)#Donnie: …*sits and stretches his neck out to be taller still*#Leo calls him a cheater but Donnie calls it ‘making use of his species’s advantages’#but yeah basically for many turtles the case is - bigger carapace? female. smaller carapace? male.#so it’s very interesting to take that knowledge and apply it here#did you know one of the turtles that this rule of thumb DOESNT apply to is alligator snapping turtles? male ones are the bigger ones there!#by a big difference too so Raph’s size makes a LOT of sense
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@carnivalcarrion Remember when I said I had something for you?
Yeah, me too.
#welcome home#barnaby b beagle#howdy pillar#welcome home au#kinda?#hey does yassified howdy count as an AU? idk but either way I'll tag it ahahha#my art#barnaby x howdy#laughingstock#spreading the laughingstock propaganda#bruh there are many mistakes and inconsistencies here BUT#I did this as a quick sketch thing to get an idea of how to draw howdy and barnaby as I haven't drawn them much otherwise yet#I've had this sitting in my art things for a few weeks trying to add dialouge to fit this#before I gave up and let their expressions talk for em#setting this early on before they confess#main concept for this idea came from that one sketch made with Barnaby burying himself in Howdy's chestfluff for stress relief#said to myself 'Why not have Howdy do that instead?' as equivalent exchange#bro let the impulsive thoughts take over for a second#I don't blame him bc the same thing happens with me and my cats#I say I won't pet em but then they are being to cute and such to resist for long#bet Howdy is trying to play it off in the last panel#I hope you like my humble gift CarnivalCarrion#as a multi-shipper you opened my eyes to this and popstar so ahehehwbbwbeb#also you have no idea how hard I panicked when I realized you already had a design for yassified howdy in his adjusted shopwear ahaha#the tie is out oh well#he needs to keep Some professionalism while letting all that chest fluff breath no?
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evil win! the ones plotting for your mysterious death are uncle and nephew!
#persona 5#persona 4#goro akechi#tohru adachi#uncle Adachi au#this came from the idea of apophenia#which means connecting dots that aren’t there#every time I see these two in fanart I go ‘wow . Adachi is so uncle coded here. akechi is totally his nephew. everyone is thinkign this’#false. my au has not reached enough eyes#so I just idk wanted to draw them next to each other to inspire further apophenia in both me and perhaps my followers lol#i was inspired by someone who like. literally just drew them beside each other and I was like. yeah i could do that#NO I COULDNT. NOT EASILY#my brain was like ‘you should do a comic abt how Adachi can’t help but see his sister in akechi bc they look almost exactly the same’#and there was a lot more angst in the arsenal as well#took me forever to just. draw this. like literally I thought I was gonna go insane#i cant. not. draw. a comic. or something with the vaguest of stories it is SO HARD idk why#so this was definitely a struggle. hope y all like it
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was watching apocalypse with my brother and once the cerebro scene popped up he was like 'charles has a helmet like erik, only instead of keeping people out, he tries to reach out and connect with others' like guys i need to bash him with a rock
#xmen#xmen apocalypse#xmen movies#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#is this cherik. probably#snap chats#GENUINELY what is his deal#'snap i thought you were watching x2' and i finished it and then my bro came up so i decided to rewatch apocalypse while he was here#hello chat. im aware the people enjoy my brother's quotes so here i am sharing another as it has damaged my brain#GUYS I HATE MY BROTHER WHY DOES HE KEEP SAYING THIS SHIT BEFORE I CAN THINK IT#so real tho ..... also i may be drunk so maybe im more emotional about this revelation than i should be but still#basic observation im aware but still ... doesnt become less wack when you say it out loud ....#thats so fucked ... i mean 'people' being charles but still ... why would you say that#i still have some of my whiskey left so im gonna pound it and then drink some water and probably cry myself to sleep#or ill doodle a sketch idk. im inspired.#for now good night !!!!!!!!!!!!! all my brother does is accidentally inflict psychic damage upon me#AGAIN you never expect it from your brother but thats what makes it esp whiplash inducing .......
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rio saying "and it hurt them" in episode 4 has sent me into a spiral about she/they agatha again 😭
#kathryn hahn#agatha harkness#agatha all along#rio vidal#agatha all along spoilers#I don't even know why but I feel like I thought about this after wandavision came out#but like i feel like it makes sense?? sort of??#idk yall tell me if im crazy lmao
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ihm gojo would vote for kamala
#idk why this thought just came to me randomly#he'd be in the know about the kamalanominon#in holy matriphony
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Happy One Year Anniversary to Boy King AU!!!! 🎉
Okay wait before I start talking, look at these close ups and the process!! Aren't they so beautiful aaaahhhh
Wow, can you believe it’s really been a whole entire year since my very first post about this AU? Well technically I first started talking about the statuette a day earlier, but the very first sketch was exactly a year ago!! Let us not forget the incredibly prophetic tag on that post: “also in the sense of this au i think the only ship that would work(historically accurate wise) is Vettonso.” Who knew that after that my entire life would devolve into vettonso, this specific period of history, and the lovely combo which is Boy King AU. Also wow this means it’s taken me almost a whole entire year to actually draw a joint portrait of them hahaha. I drew this sketch around the beginning of the AU, but never finished it. It’s fine though because this one is a lot better, and I’m in love with it. Took me a year to draw a couple portrait, and took me almost a whole entire month to finish said piece.
Okay let me explain this piece, which I am very obsessed with!!! I dragged the process out more than I usually would, but I’m glad, because it was so enjoyable. But also look at that fucking crown, no wonder this took almost a month. Usually I’d write like 50 paragraphs detailing the characterization. HOWEVER! I’ve spent over a month writing little bits of characterization, mostly for fun, but also in preparation for this very post. A lot of the earlier ones, I had this drawing in mind, thinking on how I could expand on the ideas I was drawing. Though there’s definitely some things I could still write about. I’ll probably continue to write more Lore a Days, but yeah, they basically amounted to this drawing where you can actually see the characterization I was talking about displayed. Anyways, here are the explanations of bits in the drawing:
First of all, this is some part of the long process of their wedding. Look at the married couple!! Look at their rings!!!
Okay, but why are there two, almost identical looking pieces?? Because look at their hands!! I talked a lot about how Fernando is the one to give out affection more easily, especially in public, where he knows he can easily fluster Seb. He’s acting all grumpy and out of it, I mean to be fair, it’s probably been such a long ceremony across weeks. But he notices Seb is out of it too, just better at keeping his smile (let’s be honest, even if he’s distracted, he’s super smug.) So Fernando catches him off guard by squeezing his hand. Before that, as you can see, Fernando is just resting his hand on Seb’s outstretched palm, like that one scene from Succession. Very: yes I’m getting married, but I’m not happy about it. The combination of Fernando refusing to even touch him more than lightly beforehand but now going full force, them being in public, and Seb already being distracted catches Seb so off guard he has to try to cover his blush with his fan. He thought Fernando was being super impolite, but now he’s the impolite one!! Getting all blushy and giggly over a simple display of affection, perhaps even ha-
So. Their crowns. Seb’s wearing the crown of Austria, because he is in fact only a king still! Also, because I really wanted to try drawing it after I wimped out of it before in this drawing. Fernando’s a king as well by the point, but the fact he’s wearing only a tiara-like hairpiece is to represent how much of an outsider he still is. At this moment, he’s just Seb’s wi- ,I mean husband, to all these guests. Of course this bitch wears a black veil instead of a white one, to signal that he’s mourning the loss of his autonomy and personhood. Don’t worry too much about his mental state though, considering he’s not depressed enough to be able to resist teasing Seb.
The fan, oh my god. Back in this era, people would gift/make fans for basically any occasion. To symbolize an event, to celebrate something, to show a story, etc etc. I wish I could have drawn something more narrative, but I think the bull vs. horse is good enough. Also you can see those same symbols on the pendants they’re wearing!! I’m so happy when I can fit irl, modern stuff like that into these drawings, it feels so clever!!
It’s so funny, I wrote a lore a day from a prompt about what they’d be like when doing a joint portrait, while I was already almost through painting a dual portrait of my own! So I got to explain some stuff like their clothing colors and poses before I even posted this. I feel very coy about that still honestly.
Hmmm what else? It feels so weird to not expand on the characterization, considering I already did it for myself weeks in advance. I can’t imagine what it’s like opening this read more, and seeing more than 10 in-text citations. Happy reading!!!
Happy anniversary to this wonderful, crazy AU that makes me download 500pg German papers about 18th century etiquette. I drew a couple pieces of fanart before this AU, but I definitely think it jumpstarted my insanity about drawing/making AUs, and literally is what made me insane about Vettonso in the first place. Remember, if I hadn’t learned about Joseph I/Charles VI, most of my blog probably wouldn’t exist in it's current form. Thank you if you’ve stuck around since the beginning, or if you’re even just learning about it now!! It’s so incredibly niche but I’ve had so much fun researching and building this world and these characterizations, and I hope you’ve enjoyed what I’ve made in the process. I hope I can draw/write many more things in the future. I think next, I’m gonna maybe open up requests. I’d like to try to either write ficlets or draw chibi comics about specific Lore a Day posts on request. I think that’d be a lot of fun, but also will probably kill me. We’ll see!! Anyways. PPlease enjoy this absolute labor of love, which is a result of a year’s worth of work.
#idk why I decided that the best time to write all that was right when I have to sleep#who cares about the race!? its boy king au day!!!!!!#waughhhhhh i cant believe its been a yearrrrrrrrr#they are my sons. my babies. borderline ocs im ngl.#i fear that one day soon imma lose my interest in f1 but then just keep posting niche fanart LMFAO#look forward to that day <3#weird to think its been an entire year and think about how much has changed since that day#im really glad ive stuck with this even though its gotten hard for me sometimes#the past month or so has been a lot more creative than i thought#and im glad it could all result in this#it was so weird drawing this over like a month#i didnt wanna finish it too soon and then dislike it when the day actually came#so thats actually why i started writing lore a day. so i could have smth creative to do in the meantime#again. ty if youve been with me since teh beginning of this and if youre just seeing this now. i love you all dearly#thank you for supporting me and this crazy idea :) it makes it 100x more enjoyable#f1#formula 1#<- SOOOOO FUNNY TO TAG THESE LMAO#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#boy king au#catie.art.
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peaceful property final thoughts: what is a home?
i remember the first time peaceful property was released as a mock trailer in gmmtv part 1 for 2024, and how excited i was for the series to air. i thought it to be a perfect ghostbusting plot for a show - and taynew have acted in many other non-BL shows that i was not too worried for it to be a BL or not BL. and internally, after seeing that trailer, i had an idea on how the show was gonna be on what it means to have a home, have a family and understand its better meaning.
now that the show has ended, it has come true in its best form. all the spirit stories was so rooted in the little things that most people would want, and each story ngl made me cry. it gave emphasis on family, on building homes, building warmth and building a sense of familiarity with love and care. and how even with care, the financial difficulties of most people get highlighted. it was endearing to me, because it gave me every flavour of drama, angst, hate, anger, horror, fear and love i thought i didnt need but i did. so badly.
i can definitely say the show was a lot on breaking, healing and building new stuff over the old, with the theme remaining constant over all of the episodes. personally, it provided a new meaning to home. we list a lot of thing while we talk about what home means to someone, in poetry, prose, media and daily life. and i believe you cant find one absolute meaning of home. the show said the same thing here as well. however, it add more depth to the things already said. how home lies within the people, not the buildings we create. its the memories that emphasise a home.
and i think here, the best example to explain home was through uncle somkid. the denial of care and affection he felt through years doesnt equate to the comfort he got at last, knowing his father did love him all those years, left him memories and things behind. and for us as the audience, probably, the arc that somkid got may not be correct because one may think the emotional unavailability of gramps and the whole family doesnt give the correct closure that somkid probably needed. but we find out somkid saying that he finally got the closure he needed. and that is something only he could justify, not us.
i learnt a deeper meaning of how home is everything - the chaos, disagreements, fights, denial of love, hate, laughter, envy, jealousy, pride, ego, disappointment, love, care, affection, warmth, being safe and content of being together with people. and feeling that all with people has become so valid. because you go through all those emotions in the course of life with people/buildings/memories you used to call/call/will call home. these feelings dont remain constant but they show up.
the way i interpreted "home" is still vague and may be incorrect, but i have felt this as i keep defining more homes over the course of my life. i have felt these emotions somewhere or the other while being in homes and its now something which makes me feel warm and content. and this show, made me feel it all.
will like to end my string of thoughts with this thought in mind.
#peaceful property#peaceful property on sale#tay tawan#new thitipoom#mook worranit#janhae ployshompoo#dome jarupat kannula#on sale the series#haunted house on sale#home peach kan pang suradech#why is it every TayNew show always putting me in my feels and making me write stuff#i have had so many thoughts on what is home so so much#my thoughts havent ended or gotten a perfect answer#but somehow the show did give me a new outlook to define home#i am too much in my feels rn#the main lead (almost) died (indian soap era edition)#happy ending for the gang but my heart goes out to uncle somkid and gramps for so many reasons#i am surprised that all the actors who were in ep 1 came back in ep 12#full circle moment? idk
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#tried rlly hard to shade this like skin blender idk but gave up and just half toned it#my shading is shit and I can’t draw astarion for shit#man i hate realism#why do i keep trying to do it#anyways i hate the way this came out but i feel bad for not posting today#my art#art#digital art#sketch#astarion#astarion bg3#bg3 astarion#bg3#baldur’s gate 3#bg3 fanart#bg3 art#baldur’s gate iii#concept art#i should stop comparing my art to other’s bcs everytime i try to change my artstyle and force myself to draw in a new style i fail and die#the way i pick up art styles is just fun experimentation and somehow never made by studying other people’s artstyle#im not ready for my holiday to end but at the same time i feel like most of my bad thoughts are generated by too much free time#so mayhaps losing my free will for like 12 hours a weekday will fix my sads so uhhh#idk man#nobody reads these tags so i can say whatever i want#if you’re reading this uhhh#sorry you had to read me vent in an shitty astarion doodle post
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In the GORL server, our latest study club prompt is a style mix up!!
why just be sort-of godparents when you can be FAIRY godparents?? either way, Nanny and Franny are fairly odd if you ask me. Warlock may or may not agree.
#the way digital lineart sucks the life out of me#why can i do it on paper but not on a screen#i finished franny and said to chat verbatim#'perfecting that curl took 10 years off my life'#and then i did it AGAIN for nanny#ANYWAY i'm actually really proud of how this came out😭#i wasn't gonna post it here but then i thought fuck it#idk what the shapes are about i just didn't like the blank space#graphic design is my passion#sara does art#good omens#good omens fanart#warlock dowling#nanny ashtoreth#brother francis#aziraphale#crowley#aziracrow#the fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents#fairy godparents#quick who would you rather have as fairy godparents:#nanny ash and brother francis#or#cosmo and wanda
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that one nicholas sparks quote that's like, "you are my dearest friend, my deepest love, you are the best of me" is so polin.
#*carly catalogs#wait.... that is nicholas sparks right?????#idk i don't really fuck with anything of his (w/ the exception of a walk to remember) so i'm not sure this was really quoted by him#and idk why or where this came from or why i thought of it since i don't consume any of his content but for some reason it just came to min#and i was like 'oh that's so polin!'#bridgerton#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#polin#otp: you are special to me
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do you guys think the writers would have taken it more seriously if it had been alastair around relentlessly tormenting dean in late seasons as opposed to lucifer with sam
#i'm just thinking#like obviously late seasons writers tend to be inconsistent with handling trauma in any case but#like when dean first came back from hell we actually spent a lot of time with it#and with sam yeah we had his hallucinations but late seasons when lucifer is a problem again we only really get like#sam talking abt his trauma with rowena once#and this isn't meant to be dean critical like it's not his fault the writers gloss over how they've put sam into a horror show all alone#i just know dean gets more attention than sam does late seasons and i'm wondering if ppl would've been more willing to deal w it#but also the thought of alastair being around late seasons haunting dean in the way lucifer does sam is kind of awesome#alastair possessing someone in the bunker hmmmmmmmmm#PLEASE add onto this with any thoughts on alastair being around late seasons omg#alastair reviving dean like how lucifer revived sam in beat the devil?#idk alastair was always so much cooler to me than lucifer was maybe thats why my brain is obsessed with this now#i guess maybe like. you could do this same thing with michael. but alastair just seems more interesting to think abt#and amara was around too i guess#but. idk let me have this#anyway#spn#supernatural#sam winchester#dean winchester#alastair spn#lucifer spn
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Lily being insecure of how her stomach looks after giving birth to Harry.
James being there for her, kissing it and telling her how beautiful her stomach is and will always be for him, until she bursts into tears.
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