#Idk why people make it such a big deal
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Well, since this is happening, I'll just dump some other works in there and make it one big thing.
Happy Valentines Day @cartoondrawer >:)
Also I'm like super into you romantically 🫥🫥🫥 /gen /srs
THIS POST WAS SCHEDULED. I'm at dinner rn probably
#sillyposting#i ate all of my toes#artists on tumblr#sketches#valentines day#chappell roan#animation meme#hot to go#valentinesgift#happy valentines#confessing#Idk why people make it such a big deal#Ok im gonna be so real here the only reason this post exists is because I hyped up everyone about this moment#AUGH THE URGE TO DELETE THIS POST IS STRONG BUT IM A COMMITED MF
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Gonna say something controversial.
Ford Pines is a nuanced character who is neither good nor bad. Absolving him of his crimes is actively a detriment to his character and does a disservice to the storytelling of Gravity Falls, but defining him exclusively by his mistakes without taking the time to understand him is a purposefully bad faith take that actively makes your enjoyment of the show worse.
He is neither a good or bad person, because "good" people and "bad" people aren't real. There's just people. And people fuck up sometimes.
If no one fucked up and if no one held onto those fuckups sometimes out of sheer desperation, the world of fiction would be way more boring, unengaging, and dull.
Ford Pines is a mess and I don't want him to be sanitized or demonized. I just want him to be a mess.
Thank you
#sorry someone keeps sending bad ford takes into a server i'm in and they're getting to me#he's a prideful and arrogant man and also deeply insecure and compensating for that with ego#he wants to be a good person and do the right thing while accepting influence from the worst people in his life because he respects them#he's placed his entire self worth on a pedistal because everyone else held him to that bar#and he'll never reach it because he keeps putting it up higher and higher before he even can#like he coulda published his research at any time but chose not to because he wanted to make a wave in science so big he couldn't be ignore#he felt like if he wasn't someone extraordinary then there was no point to him at all because he cannot be ordinary#it's either excel or be outcasted. and he was done being outcasted#so he used that to build himself up as compensation for that looming feeling#and as a result he tried to reach up as high as he could and took bad deals#bill made it clear; it's the hillbilly or me. he's going to betray you. and as soon as ford thought bill was right it was joever#bill manipulated him onto that train of thought but he ultimately made that call at Greasy's that night#that's the fun part! there's the nuance!!#ford wouldn't have acted that way without bill's influence but bill did not actively tell him to treat fidds like that#it's so interesting because it's so layered and intertwined. so many variables rely on each other to happen.#this is a good man pushed in the worst direction possible by a being who intends him harm and ford is nonethewiser until it's too late#idk why it's controversial to say that i like my ford messy but here we are. i like him messy. he's not an angel but he's not a demon eithe#he's a goddamn human and the show treats him like one#journal 3 and TBOB also support this. hell TBOB's entire *point* was to show how bill managed to manipulate him#and show the horrors that came after. then it showed us that ford has nothing to be ashamed of there. it's not his fault#no one in his family blames him or thinks he's stupid for falling for bill. why do some people think he is or think TBOB thinks he is?#i dont get it#dimond speaks
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Watching Severance does feel a bit like reading a fic with 15000 word chapters that are almost entirely world-building and setup and there are only 2/47 chapters published and those came out 3 years apart
#the same sense of teetering uncertainty. like there is something in someone's mind but will it get out? probably not#the thing that gives me hope is there's a pretty strong track record of simplifying and circling back to plot points#instead of casting the net of things that happen ever wider (looking at you orphan black)#many of the very weird nonsensical elements are meant to just be weird and nonsensical. like yes there's a severed marching band#no we don't need to explore that any further it just is what it is#ms cobel seemed like a weird outlier to the plot but they tied her in exactly to the heart of it#(by the way i know none of you know about this but one thing i immediately realized that i don't think other tumblrites saw#is that her mrs selvig behavior in s1 was not a trick either in her different demeanor or her apparent care for mark#he is not just her science experiment. his outie—and her mrs selvig ''outie''—are her creations free from the company#she truly wanted to be able to perpetuate the kier lumon cult of abuse and control but also set people free of it#it's why she created severance and why she is nasty only to innie mark. he deserves that treatment like she thinks she did growing up#but she made a way for only part of him to deserve that while the rest of him doesn't. she genuinely respects his outie#and wants him to thrive and have a full life outside lumon. separate from his innie. that's her WHOLE DEAL)#anyway where was i#oh yeah so she's hooked right into the heart of the simple central idea and everything she does makes sense in that lens#the birthing cabin bit came back to facilitate a key plot movement and that mystery got solved and laid to rest very simply#(laid to rest as in we know the explanation AND it doesn't give our main characters a further task to accomplish#which i'm just realizing is a huge distinction in storytelling)#it's the whole chikhai bardo thing of the big secret at the heart of Severance is just. severance.#and even in the s2 finale the agenda was very simple and stayed the same throughout and the climactic tension was still just severance#like oh she's in the basement? we'll just get her out#the drama came from all the established pieces colliding on the outcome of that#rather than from that goal getting thwarted#idk man it's Good Storytelling enough to make me willing to trust it#severance#severance spoilers
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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"
ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️
#rye.txt#I'll be fine lol#the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad#so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow#god. what the hell did I even eat#leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad#(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that#hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad#otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food#BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg#ough. why can't I be normallllll#I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person#and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague#but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone#I don't knowwww i don't know#I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies#ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE#(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working#and I didn't have a physical key to use#so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head#and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family#which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them#anyway. today was sort of shitty#but mostly I only have myself to blame#did not structure my day well enough
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OH MY GDD I FORGOT TO TELL YALL MY WIFE CAME HOME YESTERDAY AND JUST. WOOP. PICKED ME UP LIKE NOTHING. AND THEN DID IT AGAIN LIKE 20 MINUTES LATER AGAIN LIKE NOTHING.
#bunny rambles#she is so strong 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫#and admittedly ik she's been able to do this for a while cus she can throw me & ppl larger than me around in sex easy#but also like!!! i get so easily spooked when people touch my sides/waist/wrap their arms around me and my default response is to usually#throw myself on the floor but between the grief and sick and all i just. relaxed into her touch#this is a big deal for meeee i rarely let people touch me in ways where i can be manipulated physicallyyyyyy bc i so nervyyyy#yes this is why i like cnc so much. frankly cnc is like... my favorite bc i want sex often but im actually really bad at receiving touch and#cnc (whether it be intox or rape/molest play or somno etc etc) is a form of play that makes sex a lot easier bc my little white dog can have#its little freak outs without us having to Stop Completely. and i love that there is kink/play forms that allow me to be my flawed little#self and NOT feel like im letting whoever im with down bc. they're into it.#the relationship between my trauma and kink is i do kink play in Spite of my trauma btw. i fawned mostly with the experiences growing up so#being allowed to fight back is really nice. g-d i love my wife so much. when we met we started as fwb and she heard me out when i was like#hey look I'm real into u and im very carnally attracted to you and also if we take it any further with you touching me (she ate me out in#the backseat of her car our first hang out 😵💫 never let anyone do that b4 her) im gonna cry and she was like “okay! thats okay!” and we#got to have beautiful sex and i got to pleasure her and then we sat together and she let me just cry it out (bc its not something i can#control. its not me its the kid) & it turns out if im given the space to cry a couple times in vanilla settings when adjusting to new touch#I'll not only Stop but become a beloved sex pet. also this is why i say im rarely seeking and dont like pickup play as much bc i am forced#to only top in most circumstances which is fun and all but i do desire being touched also yk? and shes the only person whos ever really been#THIS patient with me. and it makes me happy that i was finally able to explore and embrace#my sexuality and desires and sexy fears and like. yeah. idk. big ramble of many topics < 3
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am i normal for not being able to sleep while my roommate plays warzone (no volume except for xbox controller clicking which sounds rlly loud for some reason) 10 feet away from my head until 3 am or am i a pwissy wittwe baby who can't handle a little bit of flashing lights and talking. leaning towards the latter
figured it out sleep on side with headphones to block noise they might break so that's ba but worth it
never mind talking now pillow on head not enough
#yapping#like there's gotta be worse people right?#i'm making too big of a deal out of this?#i could ask them to stop but *I* don't want to be an asshole and tell them how to live in their own space#i could buy a sleep mask and save up for noise canceling headphones and then everyone's happy#or i could sleep on my side and move my fan closer to me#why am i complaining is it because i'm tired#i've been awake for like 17 hours that's not that long#that's like a workday with some time in the middle for you stuff#idk maybe i can't sleep because the lights are always off and my brain gets used to it and i don't want to be rude and turn them back on#i just know my sleep schedule is gonna be wrecked and it's gonna suck to get back on track#i crashed really hard in the middle of this#my lucidity is coming and going in waves#also my arms feel weird i don't know if that's relevant
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gender euphoria moment ! rare morgan w
#like the outfit itself was not a big deal. i didnt even wear it outside. but i looked in the mirror and felt something more than apathy#i looked in the mirror and i did not see a boy or a girl. which is in fact a big deal.#i took pictures. i fucking took pictures of myself on my own i cant emphasise how little i have ever done that. i even drew myself#i have spent my life under the pressure to look normal#it's why when i started becoming conscious of appearance i wanted to look like the average girl/boy on the street#and whenever i dress in the presence of other people i still worry about whether i will look normal. in place.#so putting on things in the locked bathroom of my own house is just. freeing i guess#i hardly ever go out which is probably half the reason for the anxiety around it#and there's like. the social expectation that you cant dress well unless you have a reason#like i literally never get to do this. let me have it#n e ways. i dont think what makes me feel gender euphoric is as easy or binary as it is with some of the people i know irl#i just! i want to look trans. i want people to look at me and be uncertain.#i always used to dress like the most “normal” person ever because i felt like it was a requirement#so it's alwayd fun to get vaguely formal with it#not a revelation exactly that if you fuck around with clothes and find what you like and wear it it's good. but worthy of note#idk where im going with this im rambling. whatever its my blog#personal posts#might post the fit on art blog bc i want attention and compliments. anyway.#<- wow im so narcissuspilled#<- me when i show myself any form of feeling toward myself that isnt hatred
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i feel insane for when i have to make the same post asserting my boundaries again because what i ask sounds so normal that i feel like i look weird for saying it in my head it sounds like "uh duh?" but it keeps happening to me anyways and i get very scared and triggered even though i block and mute tags and avoid it and stuff. I dont want people with inc*st kink stuff on their blog following me, or people who are mutuals with those people, i just dont want to be interacted with at all and have to see that when i am casually scrolling thru tags or my followers...
#Idk am i dumb for making posts like these often? I always feel like im making a big deal#But its just very scary for me it makes me feel like something will happen to me when people like that follow me#And i see those posts randomly#And i get scared it will cause a fight or send asks about it again if i complain i just want to ignore and block it#So why does it keep showing up at me anyways? I feel like i HAVE to state it clearly then#Incest mention
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Im not even sticking around for the drama that stuff gives me heart diseases im just here to see where this guys gonna lead us and to make fun of him if it ends up bad and ignore it if it was good
#That one tweet the good sir made abt comparing the stories (potential) ending to onk's lifted one of my eyebrows now im intrigued#Ive always had issues with it since I started it lmao#its good at making people think unfortunately theres just 1 too many flaws in how it executes it now were here#Like i said if he really wanted this to nail the landing its should've just been a multiple choice video game / visual novel / whatever#Not only will we get to see the other routes we'll have more things to discuss with eachother#and the fandom is less likely to turn into a political argument twitter esque cesspool#Like i understand why a live big audience like this was chosen; The IRREVERSIBLE Community Voting nails the 'This is what you wanted'#idea home; where all participants who are interested are directly put in the chair of Jury & Judge & even though YOUR idea might seem good#not everyone would agree with it#Like its good on paper but seriously it wouldve worked better if it just focussed on 1 guy per viewing like idk disco Elysium or umineko or#any other well known well thought out ''Your actions & thoughts have consequences'' games#Like you put 10 (/11) characters in the spotlight & youre supposed to figure out everyones deal and judge them correctly#but we cant do that when theres 1. only 3 chances to change the direction of their development / get deeper insight#2. They dont even exist outside of the main attraction which are the mvs#3. They can just die unsatisfyingly without any conclusion to their arcs or explanations if the audience fucks it up badly#Like what are you gonna do when this story finishes? Make it a time loop to give the audience another chance to explore their characters?#Umineko no naku koro ni can be downloaded for free through umineko-project.org or purchased through steam or bought physically from a game-#nillas#vanili powder#i love having hatred in my heart I needed something else to make fun of after Mashima ended EZ like that#I can make fun of episode 8 but im too much of a coward to rlly point things out As Of Now so mlgrm going out in flames woukd be fun#im not saying it Should id love it if a miracle can occur and save its issues thats been there since the premise but yea. I dont think so.#anti milgram
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Man this day has taken it fucking out of me
#of me. on me. idk English can suck my dick at this point#discussions about gender with my dad contemplating once again if i should come out as NB or not#(decided not bc his stance on lgbtq+ is very much “labels are ridiculous why do people make a big deal of it just be who you are” which.#i wish the rest of the world was as uncaring about whether you're queer or not. but when the fam watches a mini program about being NB#and hes still all “i dont really get it” and “theyre people first and foremost and idc” i just. don't think i need to spend energy on that)#(bc it's positive in a way but also. a little draining at times.#bc he WANTS to understand but he also wants to go into discussion why it shouldn't matter)#(like that's great dad. not a bad attitude i. principle. but sadly it does matter and people DO raise hell over it)#anyway all that on not enough sleep#and a very long week#i need a fucking break but like an idiot i did not request time off until christmas#i might try and get some days off before then bc im dragging myself through the week half the time by my fingernails#and then the weekend is just not enough time to recover#fuck im tired#anne speaks
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While we're on that topic I think smokers should stop being so dismissive and rude about non-smokers not wanting them to smoke next to them. It stinks like hell and the scent lingers on and passive smoking is very much a thing that exists and also some people have asthma or other lung conditions and yeah I get it if you're outside it's kind of alright but then at least don't blow the fucking smoke directly into my face. I get that you need your cigarette or whatever but can you like. Need it in a way that doesn't affect me?
#personal grievance and maybe I'm just making a big deal out of nothing#but is it that hard to not blow smoke in someones direction?#I've went to smoker bars for these people and every time i explain why I don't really like to go there because my clothes will reek and#I will reek and I spend half of the evening coughing periodically because the air is so bad#because idk my lungs are weird I think covid just kind of fucked them up like that U have no idea#was sent to the doctor because of that multiple times it's a whole mystery#three of the asthmatics I know have told me it looks like i have asthma but the doctors went unlikely because i didn't really react#to the spray it's weird it's just weird#but you might understand why I'm not tjat keen on sitting in smoked up bars playing cards with people periodically extinguising their#cigarette stumps intk the ash tray to light themselves a new one#but for some reason I'm the sensitive one i understand I'm the minority here and they shouldn't have to cater to me in these specific#settings#but then don't tell me I'm being ridiculous form just saying ''okay then I won't come inside with you byee''#i mean I understand that you need your cigarette and all that and I'm even willing to sit next to you while you smoke it but ??? dl#don't smoke it AT me junge?????? just turn your head away while you exhale it's minimum effort you don't cough people right into their faces#either now do you???? it's the same thing it is literally the same principle
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as a kid all the adult horrors people would tell you about were like taxes, having a job, violence. no one tells you the real horror: having to be nice to someone who annoys you DEEPLY
#river rambles#like i stg they say one more condescending thing to me im gonna snap#theyve got this weird shock jock 'im better than you' attitude because theyre allowed to say a couple slurs and like dark memes#mothefucker we are the same age i also have seen snuff that doesnt make you cool!!!!! go outside and appreciate the world bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!#vent#i know i dont vent here often im just at my wits end with them#like they called me a slur im NOT COOL WITH when they thought we were first meeting (it wasnt but i wouldnt begrudge someone forgetting)#then they called me the wrong name and now theyre pulling that 'sweet summer child' shtick with me that makes me wanna fight#all in all its not a big deal but if i dont vent my frustrations somewhere healthy it will flare up in other places#also hey acting aloof and jaded isnt actually a cool attitude. idk why people wanna brag that theyve written off the world#i feel like more people like you when you enjoy things yknow
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diagnosis is a "privilege" because you are more likely to be able to access proper healthcare if you are privileged, which includes diagnosis. it's more likely someone who's privileged would be able to get a diagnosis easier, even if being mentally disordered/disabled would make you "less privileged" otherwise.
privilege doesn't actually say anything about you as a person, though. and having a diagnosis or not having one doesn't make you a better or worse person, nor does a diagnosis or lack of one dictate what other privileges you may or may not have.
#syscourse#privilege is a messy concept. some people got diagnosed because of their privilege but that doesn't make them better or worse.#so lets stop acting like it's some big deal. why are we caring.#we should care about. idk. not infighting?
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its a bit weird that i know both of my boyfriend's exes personally and even weirder that we all look like each other because he really has a type and there's the fact that his first ex shows up all the time on my instagram and his second ex is weirdly obsessed with trying to keep contact with him even though she was the one who left him for someone else (on december 23rd !!) and she stalked me on ig and she's friends with my roommate and like. this is my first time not being my partner's first gf so it's my first time dealing with ex gfs and it's all just super weird to me
#idk how to explain there's a bit of jealousy yes but mostly its just a weird feeling that i cant really explain#why are they both so close to me this is so unnecessary kfndkf#i think its a big green flag that they're both pretty and both very interesting people#and i cant say if them looking a lot like me makes me feel more or less insecure#bc yeah i sure am his type but am i enough like am i more or less than them (type of shit i think when im feeling insecure)#but in the end they both broke his heart and left him for someone else#i think what makes me mad is that they really did break him and i found him in pieces and watched as he picked himself up little by little#as we started dating and falling in love with each other but i know and he acknowledges that there are parts of him that broke forever#and the fact that they had these parts that i will never have because of them is what fucks me up sometimes#but at the same time he's grown and changed a lot and there are new parts of him now that they never saw and never will...#its not a competition i know but its really hard not to compare myself sometimes specially when theyre already so similar to me like#the comparison is already there its automatic kfndkdn u cant look at the three of us and not realize that we look like each other a lot#anyway#i think its more about my desire or my fantasy of having him all for myself#or of wanting to feel like im special and unique and not just another one??#its so dumb because its obvious that i am and he makes it very clear to me all the time#but thats it. i'm dumbbbb#im not even feeling bad rn i just saw his first ex again (she goes to the same hairdresser as me lol) and these thoughts came back again#so i wanted to vent#i think i deal with all of this pretty well but knowing how to deal with these feelings and thoughs doesnt mean they dont occur at all#ok im doneeee
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I FINALLY GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!
#prince's talk tag#OK SO!! I preordered this on amiami along with the rin and len version#bur for the last few months theyve been on back order so the release date kept getting pushed back#and i was cool with waiting it wasnt a big deal#but yesterday i was at kino with my friend and talking to them when my eyes saw the side that had the luka pic#and my brain was like 'why does that look familiar'#AND THEN I REMEMBER AND GASPED OUT LOUD#my friend thought i saw someone i had seen in ages and was about to catch up with them but NOPE!!!!#they only had this one and the meiko and miku ones. the rin and len ones werent there#and i just started telling my friend that ive been waiting MONTHS for this and couldnt believe i was seeing it with my own eyes#kino did price them kinda high but i decided to get it bc idk how long theyre gonna be backordered on it#at least now i have one of them. i can wait on the rin and len one#ngl they're bigger than i thought. i was expecting like tiny figures but theyre a bit bigger than a nendo#yo im so convinced that they packaged luka and kaito together bc meiko and kaito are the popular duo and luka and miku are a popular duo#so by separating them they can get people to buy both#(no separating the kagamines tho)#BUT AS A KAILUKA SHIPPER THIS IS PERFECT FOR ME#i almost didnt want to take them out of the box but i wanna display them#i cant believe there exists a box that has them both like wow i really love it#im looking at them on my dresser rn and they make me sooooo happy#man i love them!! great buy on my part#i was gonna put this with my haul post imma make rn but i wanted one with just them bc. look at them!!!
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