#Idk in general my sexuality is really all over the place so its hard to completely set one label for it

[buddieinmybeddie]

LGBTQ+ folk what was your gender/sexuality pipeline?

[portraitofadyke]

I think Our Flag Means Death is a very unique show in a way that they don't care to cater to mainstream media. And yes, by mainstream media I mean the general straight people.

I think it's very important that we have feel-good shows like Heartstopper. A few years back, a tv show about two queer boys in high school would be unthinkable. But its plot generally revolves around explaining queerness. Sure, it's nice. It's definitely the show I would watch with my family if I were a teenager and wanted to come out again (I had to watch glee with my mom to do that. not optimal). It's the show where teenagers find love and themselves, but sexuality is constantly discussed, explained, sanitized. It's the show straight people will watch. And that's good. We do need shows like that.

But Our Flag Means Death doesn't even bother trying. It's a show about mostly middle aged people, most of them not white, most of them queer in one way or the other. It's really a game of spot the hetero, like someone said. And the characters are not sublte about it. They have sex for fun, something most characters don't have in tv shows, definitely not queer characters. They make dick jokes. They are not all conventionally attractive and they know it, and the writing doesn't care. They are all people before they are queer representation.

Stede's storyline in s1 is in a part about discovering himself and his sexuality, but it's not obnoxiously repeated. Instead, it's played in a natural way. Stede's storyline is ALL about finding himself, yet it's not just about that. Just like Ed's storyline, it's about toxic masculinity and allowing himself to have fine things and self-hatred and finding his place in a world, something most of us can relate to. Hell, none of us were even sure the main characters were going to kiss and end up together, we were all so sure it's a queerbait. But this show doesn't bait its audience. It's not afraid of weirdness. It embraces it instead. There is a nonbinary character. No, they are not a mermaid. Call them jim. That's it. Yes, Lucius and Pete got engaged. Everyone there knows what mateolage is, congrats. Olu and Jim never break up and then Archie shows up, then Zheng, and we all know. We all know.

Two men nearing fifty have a deep, romantic moment where one of them appears as a mermaid, and it's treated as the profound scene it is without ridiculing it. This would never fly in a 'mainstream' media. It would have to be downplayed. Here, it saves Ed's life.

The show tells you racists suck, but it doesn't tell you in a condescending, finger-waving way catered to the white people. Instead, it sets your ship aflame and burns you alive, runs a knife through your hand, puts poison in your drink and kills you.

This is a show for adults, for queer people of all kinds, and it does not give a fuck if anyone else gets it. It's so rare to find a tv show that caters to us, yet alone a tv show that's genuinely good and caring and so well loved.

This is a show that basically straightbaited its audience in the first season, that's how much they don't care.

Idk, I just feel that it will take ages for another show like OFMD to exist in a world full of MCU and media that tries so hard to be liked by everyone it loses its personality and charm. Rant over

[aranock]

I'm tired.

Just sort of in general I am exhausted. I know I put on a brave face a lot, but the hate does get to me. The constant unceasing hatred both offline and online gets to me. I'm human idk what to say. Been thinking a lot about the Bilbo quote, I might be paraphrasing, "I feel like too little butter spread across too much toast."

It's pride month, I should be feeling happy right? I convocated finally after a brutal long degree I should be feeling happy right? I like how my body looks for the first time in my life shouldn't I feel happy?

And I know that's not helpful, that feelings are not a should thing. And yet I feel it anyway :/. Not that I do not feel happy, I would say on average I am better than I have been at any other point in my life. But it does get to me.

I was invited to dinner with a former family member, a blood relative that breached every boundary I placed and even went so far as to accost me in a public space. It's hard watching someone lose all love for you the more you become yourself. Being told I'm an embarrassment to my parents by creeps online stings a lot more now that I had a blood relative say it to my face while aggressively yanking my jacket so I couldn't get away. I know its a lie, I know that this person saying that hurt my parents as much as it did me. Alas, anxiety rarely responds to facts or evidence.

Everytime it feels like I'm fine and over it; this person manages to weasel their way around boundaries to fuck up my mental health for a week. And the thing about chronic illnesses like mine is they flare up quite horrendously when you get stressed and anxious. Anxiety means waking up to acid burnt throat from reflux.

It makes my voice dysphoric all day.

I think deep down one of my greatest fears is that I am unlovable, that everyone around me secretly hates me and is just waiting for the excuse to finally be rid of interacting with me. I am terrified that I am a burden. Mortified by the false belief that I am broken.

Despite how horrific my childhood adolescence and some of my early adulthood were, my family was at least a safe place. I recognize that I was privileged to have that. With that said I think the reason this whole thing has rocked me so much is that it violated that one last place I felt safe. It has made me doubt the love of those I never thought I would.

Sometimes transphobia feels like drowning, and if you try to swim for air everyone decides to shove you further down cause actually it's proof you are faking needing breath.

I text someone anytime I go run errands, just to make sure someone knows. Had too many experiences of hate. I get anxious when I go to get groceries; will this be the time I get hit by a vehicle driven by a far right transphobe, am I going to get called a slur again, will the store staff get suspicious of me and search through all my groceries to make sure I actually paid for it. But please, tell me how I don't know what its like to be oppressed. When men sexually harass, catcall, creepily hit on, follow me around clearly I am not at all experiencing sexism. Obviously the real worst thing in the world is that women "cancel" people on the internet, and trans people exist. Did they think sending me hateful articles would suddenly make me go "oh yes clearly its all in my head, please genocide my community, I stand for nothing and have the moral backbone of a slug."

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I dont usually feel or desire to express something like this publicly. I will probably delete it later. Maybe I disappear into writing cause its easier to deal with the feelings that way. That at least then someone gets something out of my pain. That maybe it helps to condense emotional mountains to the mole hills of short strokes of a pen or presses of a key. To let them explode outward in a flurry of thoughts and words that others look at and say "I too have felt this, you are not alone, you are not wrong for feeling this way."

Anything to take the weight of it all off my chest for a second.

Because I am tired.

I'm exhausted really.

I don't want to be brave or strong or resilient. It's tiring to bear the weight of that and a billion projections. Atlas does not bear the heavens upon his shoulders because he is strong or brave. He bears it because he has no other choice. Because people put it on him.

I just want to exist; that is apparently too much to ask for as a trans woman.

If you are concerned, please don't worry I'll be fine, I was fine every other time after all. This too shall pass. But right now it hurts.

And I have had my fill of hurt for many lifetimes.

[battydora]

my personal take on my hero academia men (pro heroes) and their preferences in bed

alphabetically.

masterlist | rules

¡ +18, minors dni !

characters: all might, best jeanist, cementoss, ectoplasm, edgeshot, endeavor, eraserhear, fatgum, gang orca, hawks, ingenium, manual, present mic, sir nighteye

content: nsfw, general sexcanons, reader x various characters, gender neutral but mentions of breasts and vulva (all might, eraserhead, sir nighteye) and penis (eraserhead), reader referred as mommy (manual), some romance, some fluff, roughness and freakness, but above all, sexy time.

warnings: suggestive content, mentions of various kinks, sexual activities, cock riding, rimming, dirty talking, public teasing, foreplay, rope bunny, oral sex, fingering, cunnilingus, rough sex and much more.

note: i think i never had an idea better than this. enjoy

༊*·˚

all might: big fan of nipple kissing (him receiving), ass grabbing and slapping (both giving and receiving), he loves seeing you ride him, he likes the way your titties bounce up and down, whenever he gets a chance he grabs them. i believe he's very much into rimming, anytime he asks you to eat his ass you will soon have toshinori moaning softly into the pillow, your mouth feels so good in him it makes him go crazy. a bonus: he likes when you strip for him before doing it. i think he's insecure about his body so you'll have to be patient and loving, and maybe take control most of the time.

best jeanist: im gonna go wild with this one, i love him. he's a switch. as a dom, hakamada enjoys rope bunny (or bondage if he's really in the mood), he likes tying up your hands and feet when you're fully naked on his bed, he's very gentle though and gives soft/please dom energy, whatever you desire, you'll have him working hard to give it to his love. as a sub, tsunagu tells you he submits completely to you, he's probably on his knees hugging your torso waiting for instructions like a little puppy willing to follow its master. he lets you decorate him with bites and hickies all over. the pro hero is also a gentle moaner, his moans and whines are the cutest and softest you've ever heard, it almost sounds like a melody when you give him a handjob and play with his balls. he also loves the idea of having his face ridden... or maybe edging..... another plus is that he loves lingerie, the idea of your cute butt being adorned with only a tiny bit of cloth makes his mind flash the dirtiest ideas, imagine him getting home just to find completely naked on the couch except for a thin dark red pantie, he'd fall on his knees in front of the sofa completely enchanted by you as he worships your gorgeous body. idk he's so romantic ugh💍💍

cementoss: not sure how his body works, but if he happens to have the same touch as humans, he'd be the type to please his partner, honestly i think he befriended more with toys and he relies on them a lot to give you the pleasure you deserve, because ken deep inside is worried you won't enjoy having sex with him thanks to his quirk.

ectoplasm: a romantic one, he probably enjoys more vanilla sex rather than very lewd stuff, he's so full of compliments for you, he enjoys adoring your body, kissing and caressing it with his hands. he has particular interest in your thights so don't mind if you find him grabbing and squishing them during sexy time (which is also the only place he'll allow himself to bite if you let him :))

edgeshot: just as ectoplasm, shinya is a very romantic partner, sexy time with him might include candles, gifts, roses and praises all along the way. he's not here for quickies, he's determined to take entire minutes of his time to explore every inch of your body and give them costumized attention to each. sitting you on his lap to make out with you as he grabs your ass and caresses your lower back and shoulder blades. you want your genitalia touched? he already has his hand working. you want to be railed nonstop? “we will break the bed if that is what it needs to be done for your enjoyment, darling”. he personally enjoys moans and whines, i think he is a man who likes to know what he's doing right, so please, praise him he wants to know his lovely partner is having the best they can get, he'll do anything to provide the orgasm(s) their significant other deserves to make them scream of pleasure so please congratulate him and tell him his doing an excellent job, because he sure is.

endeavor: a very, very rough partner. i feel like you two have a rivals with benefits dynamic, you tease him and he teases you. in bed you never fail to insult eachother, merciless scratching, mean bitting, feral kissing. he loves it, he loves being able to expulse his stress on you, specially when you walked around town teasing him, calling him a bastard and acting like a brat around him all day because the more teasing, greater the punishment when back home. bruises of all types can be done here. enji has no problem on taking you anywhere around the house, he loves laying your body over the dining table and rail you nonstop, the couch aswell, oh and did i mention that one time in the shower?

eraserhead: uuhh, this one might dissapoint some of you. i personally headcanon aizawa as a demiromantic/demisexual person so it took you a while to get him open about his sexual desires but once you gave eachother explicit consent and boundaries, you unleash all your fantasies at once. shouta seems like the guy to go for classic positions at first, such as the missionary and doggy style, buuut... if you ask him to go rough and wild, oh dear, bet he'll go rough and wild until you're a whiny dirty mess underneath him. shouta also likes giving oral, as you make out, he sits you down on the edge of the bed, he takes his kisses to your neck, chest and tummy as his hands caress your body shamessly, once he gets down there, he gifts you a wide devilish smile before putting his mouth to work (you do him a favour by pulling his hair up, he also wouldn't mind if you pull it hard). not a messy eater, but he swears he has never tasted something this good like your cock/pussy before.

fatgum: one of my favourites indeed. i hope you're ready because things have never been freakier, taishiro is a MENACE in bed, he seems so sweet and innocent but this big boy hides the most naughty kinks and fantasies (under his bed?). very freaky and hungry while approaching you, likes to pin you down on bed and is always in the mood for sex! he sure is no dissapointment, plus his stamina>>, imagine the possibilities. taishiro is very open minded too! so if you go to him with a new idea to try in bed, he'll be the first in line to try it out! but this is not it, he knows quite well pleasure does not and never relies on penetration, no, the last thing he thinks of is penetration, he takes time to explore your other senses, he plays with your sight and smell, may you picture yourself blindfolded and handcuffed as toyomitsu caresses, kisses and bites your skin, pulling you closer to make you feel his fragance and maybe using a little vibrator on your sensitive zone to push you to your limits, please?

gang orca: i know some of you are down bad for this gal, dw i got you. kugo can be... intense, despite his mean and bold personality at work, he is a man who enjoys having fun with his partner whenever he can, indeed, he is a great and spontaneous teaser, specially in public, you could be out on a date at a cafe and then suddenly get a risky hint from him... “i bet i can take you anywhere looking so tempting like you do right now” “did that catch you off guard? mmh...” “i'm not afraid of people knowing how bad i want my partner, specially how i want to spread their legs over the tabl-” you have to stop him because if you didn't, he wouldn't. he never tries to hide how aroused you make him feel sometimes, he's so proud to have you as his partner, you're so hot and attractive and he sees you like a treasure, kugo wants everyone to know you're his. did i tell you that one time he dragged you into a public restroom for you to ride his cock as he sat on the toilet? he definitely enjoys doing risky things in public, the adrenaline he feels has no comparison, specially when you put up with this behaviour and become touchy with him.

hawks: great friends with dirty talking and teasing, keigo is the type of man to whisper lewd things into your ear all through the act (from foreplay until you are done with eachother), he whispers compliments on how hot you look but also in the many positions he would like to put you to rail you (or to rail him). he enjoys performing penetration, but he also loves receiving anal attention, he remembers that time for his birthday you gifted him a dildo and used it that same night, thinking how it would feel if you were there to help him... he phone called you before having his orgasm and you never ran so fast in your life just to reach the hero's home, making sure to give him all the anal sex he wished making him cum multiple times. this turned into a habit because he enjoys anal play a whole lot, now you know what to do to have number 2 hero screaming of pleasure and cumming over and over.

ingenium: unpopular ik shut up, iida's are so hot a switch! i like to think tensei iida has preference for vainilla sex rather than anything too intense. whenever he takes control, he's such a sweet and loving partner, always asking for your consent on things and asking you how are you feeling. very sweet and caring, very focused on your pleasure! when you take control, tensei enjoys a lot when you give him hand jobs while fingering his ass, he adores how your hands make him feel and doesn't like to admit it but he moans quite softly and gets flustrated when you tease/compliment him about it.

manual: IDK WHAT I'M DOING ANYMORE HELPJDKD he's so pretty pls agree w me definitely a sub, no matter how much he tries to hide it and prove his "dominance" to you, masaki still submits to your touch almost inmediately after a few kisses. he enjoys being bit and marked all over (as long as no one at work sees the marks) and when going very intimate with you, he let's you peg him, he loves the feeling of his prostate being constantly hit by your plastic cock. if i'm going to give manual his own sexcanons, i'm gonna do it right: he has a mommy and degradation kink, he might seem so cute and sweet from the outside but indoors you know he falls on his knees for you, telling him how much of a whore he is for you and what would his coworkers think if they knew how dumb and pathetic he looks when mommy fucks him hard. masaki also goes weak when you slap his ass, he does not mind if you leave any red marks and scratches.

present mic: for someone who is as intense and loud like he is, hizashi is surprisingly a very soft partner in bed! i feel like he is the type of guy you can laugh with during sexy time and make fun jokes about the weird noises that can occur during some parts of the act. yamada probably studied the kama-sutra back and forth so everyday you get to try a new and fun pose for sexy time! having sex with hizashi is very entretaining and passionate, he's very gentle but can go rough if you ask him to, if you ask him his favourite pose, he'll probably choose reverse cowboy (with you on top) and maybe 69. plus: he likes listening to music as you fuck! the music tastes my vary depending on you and the mood of the day.

sir nighteye: it took you a while to convince mirai to have an active sex life with you, his main excuse was because of his quirk, he is a pro hero yes, but he might get carried away during sex because you're so sexy ;) and use it on you by accident. you discussed this for months until you proposed you could cover your eyes and let sasaki use you at his will. the idea surprisingly fit mirai's liking so you gave it a chance. you never thought the so composed, ellegant and serious man could be so good at stimulating all of your sensitive zones, the guy is amazingly good with his fingers, his thumb rubs your clit so deviously slow as other two fingers bury deep inside your vagina, teasing your insides mercilessly. his other hand does not stay still, it joins the fun playing with your chest, rubbing and pinching your nipples and squishing your breasts every now and then. but the fun isn't over, some other day you decide to blindfold sasaki, at first he was uncomfortable and unsure for not being in complete control of the situation (because he is a control freak you know) but as soon as you got your hands on him, stripping him, kissing and marking his body, rubbing his sensitive zones; he found himself enjoying this way of love making more than the one where he was in control and doing all the job (he's a man that works hard everyday and work expectations don't let him rest, so you guessed it was time for him to enjoy and relax!). mirai doesn't like to admit it but he likes doing it in his office, you did it only twice there, but he wishes to do it more often, he's just too embarassed to ask (the second time he took off his all might poster from the wall because he felt observed and very ashamed)

⋆°• .·

thanks for reading!

[synesindri]

so admittedly i did think it was a little bit random when they started calling the mutineers a coven but i've seen the light now so here are my thoughts on this kickstarted by this description of a common 19th century british witch archetype:

literary representations of witches would also be underpinned by popular tales recorded by folklore collectors in most parts of Britain, which portrayed such people as utterly wicked, possessed of all too effective magical powers, and ending up brutally punished by death or injury

— ronald hutton, "Witches and Cunning Folk in British Literature 1800–1940," p29

1. "utterly wicked." i mean. no justification needed for this one probably.

2. "possessed of all too effective magical powers." not directly, but hickey is weirdly unaffected by sickness and starvation and exposure and exhaustion compared to the others (a lot of his off-the-rails behaviors/mentalities later on do map on reasonably well to symptoms of lead poisoning and other things going on, but like, he isn't bleeding or losing teeth and i would sell my soul for my skin to look the way his does even during the very worst of everything, so). he also clearly has a lot of power over many of the men, in an understandable leadership way that is more reliant on charisma, bribery, planfulness, and situations than magic, but it does seem kind of magical at times

3. "ending up brutally punished by death or injury." hard to get more brutally punished than literal bodily bifurcation. the rest of the "coven" likewise meet brutal ends.

4. devil shenanigans. lots of focus during this time period in british lore on witches and devil worship. obviously the tuunbaq is not a or the devil and it is troubling to suggest as much (even in its role as a fabricated entity that does not actually belong to the culture it has been inserted into). nonetheless, it is presented fearsomely in a way that seems likely to be understood as demonic or hellish by a christian crew such as the men of terror and erebus (it might even be described as such canonically? i don't remember specific examples and i haven't checked). certainly everyone has a good christian "avoid that thing" reaction to the tuunbaq — everyone except hickey, who finds it appealing and sees an opportunity to seek power through it, much as folkloric and literary witches of the era were depicted as doing through the devil.

5. christian inversions and rejections. the mutiny arguably really kicks off with the murder of lt. irving, the most outspokenly christian person in the group. christ symbolism through the "punished as a boy" scene through framing and posture. as lt hodgson so kindly spells out for us, cannibalism and (catholic) communion both involve the consumption of human blood and flesh. at mutineer supper time i was briefly convinced they were about to say grace (totally subjective on that one but whatev). hickey going up the hill to listen to his thoughts was very prophet-like imagery. hickey's final speech rejects god and religion. probably there are more examples but i think that's enough for this post that is already longer than i planned for it to be.

6. sexuality part 1. witches of the time and place were associated with non-normative sexual practices (including homosexuality, promiscuity, femdom, sexual coersion, so on and so forth). hickey is directly depicted in a sexual and romantic relationship with another man (who is also the one who first suggested mutiny in the first place, solidifying the narrative importance of the connection between gay people and mutiny. be gay do crimes but for serious). idk what the stance in general fandom scholarship is about the hickey-tozer dynamic, but i would say that is plausibly depicted as at least being implied to be not 100% heterosexual, which is particularly notable because that has important potential effects on how the power structure of the mutineer camp works — a chaste rank-based collegiality has a very different vibe than a situation where the main guy in charge and his second in command might be fucking (or kissing, or holding each other's faces in a sort of tender pseudo-religious way, or whatever else they might have been getting up to together) — this is getting a bit off from witchcraft but certainly there are many comparable depictions of witches coercing powerful men to do their bidding by using sexuality (see my non-existent au i just thought of just now that's based on lewis's the monk, i guess???)

7. sexuality part 2. witches also were notorious for doing castration to people. sorry, irving.

8. sexuality part 3. perhaps most notably witches were regarded as having sexual relationships with the devil. none of the mutineers ever gets it on with the tuunbaq obviously (although i feel confident that some adventurous fic writers out there have probably made this a subject of their study), but it is KIND of attempted symbolically. i talked about this already but it bears repeating here that the tongue is an erogenous body part generally, and there is possibly some mild extra narrative emphasis on that symbolism for hickey specifically, so the metaphorical self-castration of him cutting out his own tongue and offering it to the tuunbaq is a little bit giving weird sex. it's also giving nun/priest/monk-like disavowal of the potential for (at least a few types of) sex with human beings in favor of pledging oneself to a deity.

9. human sacrifice. common trope with witches, and the clear point of hickey's dragging everybody up that hill with him when he goes also to attempt to sacrifice part of his own human self to the tuunbaq.

10. identity. this is a little less solid but there's often kind of a sense that witches aren't who they claim to be? see lewis's the monk again, with (spoilers, i guess) the character of monk rosario revealing himself actually to be matilda, a seductive witch, who eventually does a double reveal that she's a demon. the "i'm not really cornelius hickey" reveal is giving that, a bit.

[orkbutch]

Your kink posting has got me questioning 🤔 do you have head canon kinks for all the companions? ( or at least the hot girlies )

To a point yes, but they are still being formed. I do think there are certain characters that are just Less Kinky, not because their personality means they CAN'T be kinky but, idk... for balance, and because it seems less Likely. My thoughts on the companions so far: Shadowheart: Very kinky, true sadist / masochist (both equally). I think she'd enjoy a LOT of things, but the classics: bondage, impact, knives, wax play, degradation, worship, roleplay (especially religious, training and corruption themes), edging/denial, CNC... I also think that she would really enjoy rigging, if she ever got the time and setting to practice that. Perhaps she would adapt it from Sharran torture methods similar to Japanese rope techniques used in the Edo period to extract confessions. I think that she would enjoy the slow ritual of it, I think she would enjoy its elegance, and I think she'd enjoy how excruciating but euphoric it can be. Again, she'd be into many things, and very adept at turning most kinks into something she can engage with via the right dynamic and context. Lae'zel: Also very kinky in a completely different way; much more about the power dynamics than the methods. Biggest thing would probably be Primal. Possessive. Defs messy; BO, sweat, blood, tears, spit, piss probably lmao. Would love contests of strength, causing controlled damage to bodies and enduring pain. I think with more trust and affection established with someone, she would be able to enjoy another layer of play; immobilization, sensory-focused play, degradation/humiliation, fear play, care giving/receiving, overstimulation... still very much into possessiveness in play, but with an emotional element that made it even more intense.

Karlach: I think Karlach would do plenty of kink without being deeply invested in it; she wants a good time and is up to try anything once. An element of Karlach's character that I think is very relevant to her relationship to kink and sex in general is that Karlach basically Never feels physically vulnerable; she knows that she's usually the biggest, toughest badass in the room. I think that would make her very sexually adventurous because she simply wouldn't fear much. What she struggles with is intimacy, and her building emotional trust would be the most significant element of her relationship to kink. All that said; I imagine her favourite kinky fun would be rough fucking, manhandling, wrestling, skin-contact sensory-focused play, temperature play, leather (because its badass and feels good), and honestly?? Oonga Boonga caveman brain misogyny-tinged degradation. Just feels right for her. The simple pleasure of a little lover under her saying how big she is and how hard she goes and begging to be knocked up would absolutely send her. I just FEEL it

Gale: I don't have many well formed thoughts on Gale's kinks. I suspect he'd be into like... Tantric Embodied Karma Sutra stuff, with a lot of wizardy bells and whistles. Creating an experience of non-duality as a kink. Basically, that guy at the Crystal Rainforest Festival that is suspected of being a cult leader and has VERY good drugs for sale. The kind of kink he does, Gale probably does

Astarion: Hmmmmm. I can see him, over time, coming to a place of comfort with non-sexual kink as a way to engage with power difference (Astarion forming a healthy identity as a dominant would be really good for him I think) and experience grounding, safe sensations within his body. I think kinky sex would take longer, but submission would be extremely difficult and vulnerable for him; forming a responsible dominant identity could be quite healing for him. On the other hand, choosing to submit to a dominant that he actually trusted and who took care of him could also be very very healing, just... I think that would be difficult for him to do safely. It would take a great deal of time to get there.

Wyll: Probably a less kinky person, but man, I think he'd be a great pampered sub. Worshipping, being treated like a bit of a boy toy. Would love mutual possessiveness. That'd be hot frankly. But I'm still figuring his kink vibe out! I gotta play his romance.

Minthara: Freak. Proper freak. Terrifying freak. Snuff kink freak.

Halsin: Wholesome freak into surprisingly intense shit. Exhibitionism, primal, breeding, rough, biting. Wants a lot of stimulation in every way.

[tinukis]

i may seem to lean in more towards romanticism of zolu but imma be real here

theyre a whole secret third thing to me like— idk how to explain it it other than their love and bond transcends what romance and platonic. yes i will draw them smooching and have hearts flying all around them but it is not exactly romantic/platonic... (i mean honestly i dont mind how ppl interpret zolu whether its my art or in general)

bc i saw this one comic that just... perfectly described zolu and the strawhats to me? it was about law catching zolu and then discussing with the other strawhats about it and they explained that luffy does in fact love everyone equally and the same. for luffy, romantic nor platonic is Not a thing to him. (this is how i view luffy's aroaceness !! love isnt a category for him. love isnt something he could just pick and choose or whatever. love is just... loving someone. love is for the people very dear to him.) and in the comic, the strawhats say that zoro's the one and only guy who could keep up with luffy's energy and antics. so they dont mind the things they do together in privacy or in front of them. they know how much luffy loves them ALL EQUALLY and they all love him back

on topic of zolu and aroace... i've been around spaces and talked to a few zolu shippers (qpr shipping count) and noticed how many of us are at least on the aro/ace spectrum. there's just Something about zolu's special relationship that attracts us, and if you ship them and are aro/ace, im certain you'd agree. (even if you arent, we can mutually agree that they are a third thing, right?) like, theres something so... aroace about their relationship. they can be seen as romantic and they can be seen as platonic, but what can be absolutely certain is that their relationship is definitely queer. bc it's not something you can easily describe or that their relationship is The Norm. theyre insane for each other. luffy's the sun. zoro's the moon. luffy's a good. zoro's the king of hell. they complete each other. they absolutely need each other.

my memory is horrible and i cant say the words properly but basically: zolu's love and relationships transcends romance and platonically. yes you can see it as either, but as an aroace, i Feel it is way beyond that.

and again, will repeat it a million times over (mind you, it's not canon. it's a widely accepted HEADCANON. if you think luffy's sexuality is something else, thats cool): i believe that luffy's aroaceness is way beyond "not interested in attraction/xyz/whatever" like yeah, he doesn't think about it because it doesnt matter much to him. he doesnt apply whats romantic or platonic to HIS relationships. he can recognize romantic, sexual, platonic things. it's just not his thing to really think hard about (he doesnt think much in the first place (affectionage)) he feels love for the people he cares about and if they feel loved by him, however he approaches the love (and if they accept that kind of form) thats all that matters to him. he doesnt label/categorize love because it makes no sense to Him to prioritize someone over the other just bc he loves that someone a different way. he loves everyone equally and treats them as equals.

and when it comes to Any luffy ships, calling his significant other "partner" is what fits best. theyre not just best friends, theyre partners.

this is a mess of a rant but this is just how i feel abt zolu, luffy, his ship pairs, and his aroace hc :]

[maplebean2003]

I'm like fresh in the marble hornets fandom so maybe I'm missing context but I've seen so many conversations bringing up tim in the last few days that I've even stepped foot here and just wow ...this isn't what I expected from this fandom at all wtf.

Tim from marble hornets is literally not fat in the slightest he's got a average body type wtf is wrong with y'all being so fatphobic and weird in general when someone isn't even in the slightest bit chunky also literally why does it matter anyway plot wise :/ mind ya business,like...he's a real dude playing that character not some anime kawaii man

He probably doesn't need people even having 'discourse' over it when he's literally uncomfortable in general due to y'all sexualizing him as is why do y'all care so much about a person's body it's fucking weird

I don't understand why its bein mentioned in the first place - just leave people alone and be happy they even made something you enjoy/enjoyed,respect people and move on without making it weird dude it's not that fucking hard

And again maybe I'm missing context of some sort and assuming the worst but this has baffled me significantly where I'm genuinely concerned about it cause it's really not cool to be bitching about something that doesn't matter or effect anything or anyone

I've seen the conversations a lot on Twitter as well as here on Tumblr for context so I hope I don't just sound like I'm unhinged lol but I scroll passed anyway cause I don't wanna see it but then more appear and it's like ....okay clearly this is something being talked about currently

Idk maybe I'm butting in and shoving my nose where it doesn't belong as I don't think people are intending to be malicious or at least I hope not but it's...very odd to me to suddenly see especially RIGHT as I enter the door to the fandom ^^" I'm not trying to be a dick or anything it's just kinda appalling is all

I don't mind if people draw him fat to clarify or like skinny ECT I do not give a shit about that lmao do whatever you want its fictional art I just mean when people are specifically targeting Tim's irl actor in the conversation that it's really not cool

Sorry for the rant btw I just kinda wonder if I'm the only one raising an eyebrow at these conversations or if maybe I'm over reacting when it's not that deep or if maybe I have the right to be icked by it and am not alone

I don't have any @'s to tag to show the posts I've been seeing as again I typically scroll passed them as to avoid the algorithm from thinking I want to see more of that conversation

Now I'll probably be stuck seeing it by even posting this lol but meh I just wanna know if I'm tweekin about nothing or if this is weird genuinely

Or if maybe I'm misunderstanding possibly even! Please do be gentle with me in the comments I'm a wuss lmao I don't want to fight I just want to understand wtf is going on and why it's being talked about

Why do I care? Personally it just weirds me out in general to be so focused on someone's body like that is all so of course I am a bit concerned and curious if the fandom is always like this or what

[seattlesellie]

this is super random (also this is my first msg to u hi <3) and i’m honestly asking this generally to anyone else who also happens to read this, but recently i’ve realized my sexual orientation and come to the conclusion that i’m like REALLY attracted to women (as a woman myself ofc). so obv this made me also think abt how someday i’m gonna have to tell ppl close to me abt this but i’m literally losing my mind cause i’m NAWT vulnerable especially w/ my parents 😭 and also i just now was watching a tiktok live that was full of homophobic ppl and whenever i see that on the internet, it makes me wanna go deeper in the shell (or closet lmao) that i already am in. like it makes me realize how many horrible ppl there are that won’t accept smth so simple (i’m also very emotional as u can see 😍) so like tbh i’m not sure what i’m seeking here but ig i’m just curious if u or anyone else has felt like this/what helped u come out? like it’s so hard for me to be open and as someone who recently graduated and is going to uni, in a completely diff country alone, i’m gonna have more freedom and if i were to date another girl, it’d feel unfair to my parents if i didnt say anything prior abt my identity. ik they’re also very supportive, which i’m thankful for, but i just HATEEE vulnerability. idk man :( it’s also very weird finally realizing more abt myself. it makes me SO happy yet so so so scared? aarrghh idk sorry abt this long message, u seem like the nicest person and this place feels safe, so i just felt like i could ask/find some kind of relatability. 💗 sorry again for this long ass rant LOLS 🌟

okokok im gonna tell u my coming out story because i can awfully relate to this ?? n adding a read more cos this is so long sorry <333 🤧

literally knew i liked girls my entire life and like suppressed the shit out of it. would try and date guys all throughout highschool and would feel so terrible afterwards… but like you, i was super uncomfortable with that type of vulnerability and also barely had any gay friends, let alone any gay female friends. so i spent my life just thinking im gonna be in the closet forever !! until i met my now ex gf, she would constantly be sleeping over— but i did the classic thing of telling my parents she was just my new best friend, until one day my dad was like… be so fr rn are you two dating. like you said, my parents are also very liberal and supportive (especially my dad), but still— it made me panic and drop a mug and deny deny deny !! then, after being together for like 6 months it was incredibly hard to hide it, and obvs she felt super uncomfortable bc i was super closeted and she was super out. so i kind of had to come out to my parents (i hid under a blanket and told them i have an important thing to say n then they already somehow knew). my parents and i literally never talked about these things like my mom didn’t even know about my first kiss or literally NOTHING about me, we didn’t have that type or relationship at all so i can relate to u so hard !!but like here’s the thing— i don’t think it would be unfair to your parents, this is your story to tell and you should do it when you feel comfortable enough, and if it takes you dating a girl for that then so be it. you shouldn’t worry about other peoples feelings about this, as this is yours to tell and not theirs! as long as you’re in a safe environment, coming out can truly be such a big fucking relief !! like that absolute weight that drops out of your chest is so so freeing. if the people who are close to you love you— they will accept you. if they won’t? truthfully, they don’t deserve u and never have. about the homophobia, its always going to be here, unfortunately for us hateful and bigoted people will always exist, and that can be extremely stressful and painful, which is why surrounding yourself with people from your own community is so so important and necessary. uni is such a good place to do that !! so many new people to meet and especially queer people to surround yourself with !! i super understand your fears but the good things that happen after you come out— that feeling of no longer needing to hide yourself is so so worth it 💗💗💗💗

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

this is gonna be a long rant but it's bothered me for a while

(non-ed related)

and any thoughts are welcome but it's mostly a rant

so basically i dont have a lot of girlfriends. i never have, all the ones i got close to generally either betrayed me in the worst ways or we moved and lost touch. (betrayal backstories is a whole other rant, but it's nauseating the way ive been treated by women who claimed to love me) so most of my friends are dudes, in fact, both of my true besties are.

anyway, i have really one solid girlfriend and shes a good bit younger than me. she also dont have a lot of friends in general, she has me and a small handful of others. she regards me as her bestie, i kind of guess shes mine but like...idk. i view her more like a younger sister, i guess.

so basically, she copies EVERYTHING i fucking do, within her means. like, before her and i were close, she just dressed pretty normal, no notable flavor or style. but now shes trying so hard to be goth bc i am. she cut her hair how mine used to be, dyed it black bc mine is, got all of the same piercings as me, yall get it. i wish i was exaggerating but im really not. even her mom messaged me to tell me she bases her style off me and shes glad im not a "greasy goth" (lol??)

but it's infuriating. i know i didnt invent goth. im not the first to have the piercings, hair, outfits, and interests i do...but it's really annoying to have someone base their entire style and interests off of me bc i have worked hard to curate myself as a person. i work hard for my aesthetic, im pretty thoughtful in my planning for outfits, how i decorated my home, everything, but especially bc these are genuine interests ive had since i was a preteen...and it's just so irksome to have someone try to imitate it as closely as possible every single day without any real, concrete interest in any of it, outside of prob just tryna be relatable to me

and a few weeks ago we got on the topic of sexuality and how im pan and have had gfs etc now shes magically also bisexual. she told me she got "tricked" by a straight girl recently but caught an attitude with me bc i told her if there wasnt clear intentions by both parties, she wasnt tricked, bc there was no flirting/romantic intent and that being bi/pan talking to straight women (or even other bi/pan wonen) doesn't automatically garner a romantic response. she didnt like that and got really snappy with me, but im not wrong. she tried to say she thought she was going on a date, but she was literally going to another friend's house to watch rupaul, and the other girl was also coming over, she sent me screenshots of the convo and like.....yeah, no, 1000% on her for thinking anything of it. she just picked said girl bc she was friends with her other friend and I guess it was an easy shot, but she also overlooked homegirl having a whole man too so like????? bro hello.

and i dont necessarily wanna be super confrontational about the aesthetic thing bc that just feels so middle school drama sToP cOpYiNg Me energy but it grates my skin...especially too bc like she also gets a little grumpy when she asks where my clothes are from and a lot of places i shop dont carry her size (shes a 3X or a 4X; ive never really looked or cared to see who carries what size bc im an xs so why would i??) and thats somehow my fault bc she cant buy the same shit i wear...or she complains she cant afford the docs or demonias etc like i have and its like okay curate your own damn style that you can afford bc like???? im not your fucking barbie doll mannequin?????

[isa-ah]

I just wanna thank you for being a vocal angry trans guy. I'm also a trans guy, but just a few years ago, I'd fallen victim to the whole "trans men don't have it as bad as trans women, and are just begging for unearned attention when we insert ourselves in the conversation" mindset, and you (as well as a few other people I follow) have helped me unlearn all of that.

It's so frustrating when people withIN the trans community are fighting against other trans people. We all have it rough, and this infighting is going to help absolutely no one. Same with the kink at pride "discourse." I used to be on the "but what about the kids?" side until I learned that pride wouldn't even exist if it weren't for drag queens and kinksters. Pride isn't supposed to be family friendly! It's about embracing diversity and celebrating sexuality! That includes kink!

Anyway, thanks for helping me realize that I'm allowed to be an angry trans guy and stand up for myself and my own experiences. Tumblr (and just spending too much time online in general) really rots peoples brains, and I had to learn that the hard way, through first-hand experience lol

yeah, this place can definitely put you into a christian style pearl clutching tailspin about purity and sanitization but its like. whos dead bodies are our rights propped up on? are you going to undo everything thats been done for us by the generations before us because its not advertiser friendly?

the experience of being a trans man who experiences being spoken over, who experiences misogyny, who experiences transandrophobia, who experiences transphobia- like where do we ever get a word in edgewise about our OWN lived experiences? and if we cant discuss it, how are the kids ever going to know theyre not alone, and that theyre not the monster in the fairytale just for existing?

idk. the whole thing makes me really mad and i think more trans men should be getting fucking pissed at the way were treated in every circle were in, even our own.

[borderline-gays-club]

2/29/24 9:20 pm

I’m in a place again where my self esteem is not really in great shape. And I’m in a place where I can/need to be honest with myself abt that. It’s where it can be a bit hard to look at myself in the mirror. Where I take photos of myself and it’s kinda hard to recognize that’s me. Or feel positive about my image. And I don’t like this feeling which is why I’m here writing.

There’s definitely a few factors at play; some are new some are old. I think one thing that’s been tough in general is what I am currently experiencing as a no identity self. By that I mean that I’m not stuck on an extreme feeling so my whole personality is not revolving around a feeling state. For example when I was hyper sexual and rage fueled that became my whole thing. Literally my other tumblr handle lol. Which I don’t really relate to anymore.

But the thing is, these were never really my personality anyway. Not in its core. They’re always fleeting, as emotions are fleeting. Which means my personality would just cling on to whatever is the most present. Just like how my personality wud also cling onto ppl in my life. And bc I’m not in any extreme emotional state I feel kinda lost. I feel vulnerable and bare. And trying to find something to hold onto. But it’s different than that horrid empty feeling. Bc I’m seeking out self in more positive ways and trying to be gentle and take my time with it. And really emphasize to myself that it’s ok to feel this lostness and that it’s important not to rush into a new “personality” for the sake of getting rid of this discomfort. I need to move slowly. I struggle with that so much.

Another thing that has not been great for my self esteem is my clothing. I’ve just been wearing ugly clothes that don’t really fit me that great for a while. And I haven’t really worn anything flattering in a while. So I don’t feel good in my clothes basically all the time. So I don’t feel good abt that. Also my hair needs to be cut lol. I don’t like how it looks rn so my hair is just always in a haphazard bun. And I don’t like that I always have to default to glasses rn bc I can’t afford contacts. I don’t like that all the jewelry I own just irritates my skin bc it’s cheap so I can’t accessorize. I don’t like not putting in effort in my appearance, but to be honest I just feel tired bc I’m broke and I can’t afford to look how I want anyway. It’s just a money problem. I’ll start to try when I can tho with what I have, bc it is taking a toll on my self image.

And lastly the way I’ve been exercising has not been great. I don’t enjoy going to the gym anymore. It’s boring and I just have fully concluded it’s just not for me. And it doesn’t help that I wud obsessively go to the gym when I was in the deep pits of ED so it doesn’t exactly have the best history. I thought it wouldn’t affect me but idk now. I thought going with a friend wud help, and I mean it has in terms of staying consistent. But it doesn’t make me like it. It still feels forced and I kinda just want it to b over. Which is not good. Cus that means I’m not really in my body while I’m doing it which is what I struggle with anyway.

When I did boxing when I was able to, it felt so different. It was the first time I was able to do an exercise consistently and consistently get more and more excited abt it. I actually felt very aware of my body and what I was doing with it. I felt very connected to my body which is a struggle for me. I’ll think more on this later, but I think the difference is that with boxing there’s feedback involved. As in there’s another person that needs to be involved to actually play the sport/game. There’s strategy involved and so many skills to master, and you pick which ones you want to master. I think it’s all these layers that kept me hooked and wanting to get better.

Anyway these are my current thoughts. I’m just in a place of deep frustration bc there’s so many things that I kno will help me, but I just can’t do it bc of money. In the meantime I’m just adapting to what I can do. But frustration has been a core feeling for a while.

[cruelsister-moved2]

Im the hater anon omg i didnt mean to lead u astray but i haven't finished it i'm just over half done. i probably will finish just so i can coherently say why i don't like it bc rn my thoughts are all over the place but  u hit all the major points im like nodding and taking notes rn.  Its very shallow lore wise like its all overly complex exposition that barely effects the plot. I could write about this for 100 years but basically it was boring and i just feel like it has nothing to say like theres no purpose or message and i think speculative stuff should have SOME weight behind it idk.  That paired w how the writing itself is like..not pretty or artful or anything………………….

And on top of that its not even actually funny. Instead of real jokes its just 100 million mcu quips awkwardly inserted so that no situation is ever treated genuinely or seriously or with depth. For example. My personal least favorite part beyond general quality so far is how often they bring up gideon being inappropriately horny… idk how else to word it.. Its one of her 3 personality traits. they mention her porn collection i swear every couple of pages. its played 4 jokes but like the rest of it its literally unfunny and feels so out of place. Like this is right when they just discovered an incinerated body → ”she looked troubled, which made Gideon sad, but she was also soaked right through to the skin, which made Gideon need a lie-down.” Its like if someone whose only point of reference was tiktok during that era where every vaguely masc woman got made fun of for being a quote hey mamas lesbian unquote tried to write a masc woman.  Reading it as a masc lesbian myself is just sort of embarrassing idk if other ppl feel differently but it just feels overplayed and goofy. 

Anyways… this is all very long and incoherent but thank u for complaining and vindicating me… i started reading it a couple days ago on a whim bc ive been seeing ppl talk abt it a lot lately and i was instantly SOOOOO disappointed. Part of it was definitely that i was expecting something very different because of how people talk about it but also its just like bad. Its insane. I also had no idea abt the roachpatrol thing so ummmmmm :(

hiiiiiiiiii omg so your suffering isn't even over yet my condolences.

the worldbuilding exposition industrial complex needs to end im so serious. I just had such a nice conversation with some writer friends about soft vs hard magic systems and world-building and how frustratingly common the assumption that more complex lore you dump the more sophisticated your story is at the moment. in reality many more sophisticated stories deliberately utilise abstraction and whimsy for thematic statements. v happy for brandon sanderson fans but again, a lot of those stories are basically like mystery novels except the magic is the mystery, whereas the speculative fiction authors who... actually speculate...are often using it as a tool to speculate about our own existence.

and the writing is so ugly like I've read a couple of chapters and I feel like i could get through a mid story if it's at least well written but it wasn't even inoffensive it was actively offputting like that prose was stinkyyyyyyyyy..... and the quips exactlyyy like who is laughing at none pizza with left beef anymore and the fact a lot of it isn't even the author being witty but just like. a reference to a meme? it's literally supposed to be like gritty but then everyone is memeing and quipping all the time how are you meant to take that seriously?

and okay the like sexualisation of Gideon had kind of been my suspicion but I hadn't read enough to make that claim for certain so. that's disappointing to have it confirmed. given that the author is a fem woman who calls herself a lesbian whilst being homestuck married to a guy, it really brings up some kind of discomfort in me to be using masc women that way and making a joke out of them and their sexuality and calling them himbos and shit like. it really doesn't seem like she actually knows any masc women??? and when that was a huge part of the marketing for the book it comes to feel exploitative.

one thing to be aware is that tor like. pushed it really hard marketing-wise for whatever reason. I guess they feel it symbolises a new era of sci-fi and like were using it as an outreach effort to engage the generation that mostly only reads fan fiction or whatever which I guess cheers if it achieves that. but the majority of negative reviews are specifically that it was nothing like what they expected it to be, because of the.... super gimmicky marketing.

the tagline being sword necromancer lesbians in space or something so lame 😭 and it really seems like the elements came first and the justification came second so it's never really explained why they use swords instead of more technologically advanced weapons (bc the answer is 'it sounds cool') or really why it needs to be in space at all (because the answer is 'it sounds cool'). even the necromancy is supposedly fairly tangential and ive seen people be underwhelmed how much actual lesbianism is involved too 💀

9mbut yeah the r0ach patr0l thing I wish people were more aware of because honestly above anything else, I've seen people who were fans and then found this out and felt super uncomfortable so I think people deserve to know what kind of background she has, and this is literally where she developed her writing and her name as a BNF so it's directly connected to her current career not just like a celebrity who tweeted something dumb when they were 14. like I think it's fair to take that into account + idk it's INTERESTING to me that she went from that to debuting with a masc lesbian whom she projects like comic hypersexuality onto it really is all much to think about truly

[cool-island-songs]

11 and 25 for the dangerous game >:3

thanks mal! <33 (from this ask game)

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

just 3 on this account cuz it's my personal, none on my fanart archiving blog, and 7 on twitter though funnily enough half of those are stranger things-related from a period where i really couldn't escape stranger things. nothing against it—i just only want to see sp stuff and i guess there was a significant enough overlap for a bit

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

generally a lot of things that annoy me stem from the trend of complaining about "fetishization" (yaoi or just shipping culture i guess?) or acting like people are doing anything wrong or in need of pathologizing for interacting with fandom in a way that was totally routine a decade ago. that they need to show they're sufficiently queer and not focused on sexuality in any ~weird way. honestly, i find that sort of thing easy enough to block out on its own (there's more of it on twitter but i just look at art over there). young people often have shame about sexuality and it's none of my business or anything i would ever argue with someone about. i just disengage

it's more the reactions people have to being told they're doing something problematic. there's this endless chain of moral rationalizations for why it's ok to like the thing that piques one's interest because actually it's woke and you don't get it, i'm gay enough to like standard yaoi tropes. some real gay people are like this! you know.. like, why engage this in the first place? why lend any credence to this viewpoint by debating it on its own terms? you don't need to justify yourself to anyone. just keep yaoifying those fake guys

people end up making really weird generalizations about gender, sexuality, mental health, drug use, etc. in an effort to enjoy the old 00s yaoi tropes. to all those who do this, I'm here to tell you you can just enjoy whatever and no one can stop you. personally, even as a smut writer, i like when characters feel whole and often enjoy a fic less if i feel someone is being reduced to gendered stereotypes or flattened in some other way that doesn't interest or challenge me. but those are my own personal feelings and highly subjective besides

i also don't think sharing some broad identity marker with the character you are writing actually shields you from poor characterization. people can "fetishize" themselves easily (and sometimes that's what people want to read/write, and who cares), and it can be hard to write well-developed characters! i just like to read and view things i enjoy on the merits of the work alone

general "you can't ship that" and "he would never top/bottom" sentiments are similarly grating. people can and do ship literally anything and it can't be stamped out so idk why people waste their time streisand effecting ships/dynamics they don't like. with both of these, there's a sense of deluded entitlement, like if people weren't making stuff for their ship/dynamic, they'd be making it for yours. i promise you that that type of hectoring actually just drives people away from what you like. in general, people are often quite fixed in who their faves are and how they like them in romantic/sexual situations. but for those like me, who really can potentially like anything if sold in a way i find compelling, this stuff really confounds and frustrates me. people are bad at getting what they want because of this need to emotionally react without thinking through the way it might impact others. sad stuff to see from adults in particular tbh

[spikeinthepunch]

maybe itd be good to also dump the timeline of what i have taken out or changed that i feel was affected by my own anxiety of why i could or couldnt tell and story with 'dark themes'. and ill just talk about it with Penrose because that is the story i am currently telling in the game i am making.

TW but not really detailed here- sexual, emotional and physical abuse. horrible toxic relationships in general. grooming. pedophilia.

.... Penrose (or TIWIFL)

TIWIFL it was obviously based on trauma stuff. the title gave it away ("this is what it felt like). the original ideas are entirely thrown out so i can be more clear about it without caring for spoilers. the first version of the story was about Mick, and her group of friends who i think were highschool students. the general line up of characters was Mick, Mars, Babs, and Haiden (a few other unimportant ones). Mick is a sophomore who was in a toxic abusive relationship with Haiden, a senior. Babs is a freshman who had been/was being sexually abused by an older man who groomed her. Mars is a senior who dealt with extreme anger problems that often resulted in him abusing girlfriends he tried to date. Yeah it was uh, a myriad of problems. I had no clear story with all of them together. Mick was a lone character at first who was to have a comic that had her exploring memories she forgot. Eventually they were to all be in a single story though i dont know how. there are some random drawings and map parts related to them though!

eventually Mick got selected for a short finished comic- Trip- which personified the idea of her past manipulative and gaslighting relationship. but i had no longer ideas at the time. now its just her and some new characters for this game jam story i am whipping up.

either way, while i didnt get any solid story for the old stuff, these guys sure represented some tough topics. and the content i did make was very triggering for me to even do. this version of the story may have gotten thrown out for many reasons (well, i had no story i could figure out, for one) and i think my age and mental state halted much of exploring it properly at the time. it was like desperate trauma dumping to get things out but it wasnt healthy- i think a lot didnt happen either bc i was throwing Types of trauma at various characters bc i needed an outlet. but still looking back at it, there was nothing wrong with trying to cover that- i ended up facing a lot of conflict and anxiety when i saw all the various opinions of Who could tell those stories and How to tell them. im sure that piecing out exploring these characters, would make a good story. and maybe i can still use this in my new iteration of this long running messy all over the place story. idk.

Penrose especially is one that was intended to feel more like "home" in the sense its grounded in a simple modern day world in a small town inspired by mine/one very close to me, and the concept of exploring forgotten memories is definitely based of myself- and then covering topics that are close/familiar to me. But when i started to of think of why's or what's for the memory loss topic and the trauma topic i did start to hold back when i took it out- for all the reasons echoed prior. i end up with a story that doesnt have any of the content i keep wanting it to have!

its current story now has to do with recovering memories of a cult Mick never realized would have been a cult in the first place. there is a lot that happens in cults, a lot of hard shit to consume. and its not all relevant to my characters or story or... i guess maybe, i made sure to write it so i didnt have to try and tackle those subjects. And yes, I don't by any means intend to or need to cover every possible bad thing that happens in a cult. But at the same time I know there is a lot of me that is nervous at even trying to explore themes of abuse, grooming, etc if it were to come up. and some of it HAS to if this is about a character coming to realize the bad of something she normalized for so long!!

its a whole process to realize this now. i want to change it and i guess its also hard to change my OC stories AGAIN. but im trying to be aware and trying to push away anxiety about the stories and subjects i want to write.

[menalez]

I get that you are wanting people to come forward for good reasons to discuss it it’s just at the same time you’ll share something reading WAY into it in a way that says bi women in general are sexually incompatible with lesbian women in general. Again: not individuals discussing personal feelings, but writing about it in general. And then you wonder why nobody would come forward about it.

Also I don’t really have any basis for doubting them personally for sure and I should have been clear about that. My suspicion is just about as groundless as theirs of bi women and tbh i said it in a petty way.

My super tentative suspicion is maybe the damage these people have is they aren’t actually lesbian and they want to prove themselves. Like how I felt about the “lesbian women” hounding you about totally being “really bi” — I couldn’t help but suspect they were projecting and soooo mad from a place of seeing part of themselves they hate in their imaginary version of you. Or in this case, imaginary version of all bi women ever. Just a theory lol — just like lil ruby’s “just a theory” I suppose now the two of us are equal hm.

lol i just shared it and said oh ppl are making posts about my polls cool... no commentary on the post itself tho bc i truly have nothing to say to it. maybe bi women & lesbians are typically sexually incompatible, maybe we aren't, i dunno and its hard to derive any conclusions when im skeptical of the results of several of the polls ive done (skeptical in the sense that i have some reason to suspect that some more malicious ppl are potentially just skewing the results for whatever reason. this feeling also applies to the les4les poll & the poll done about bi women being strictly tops vs bottoms vs vers)

i can get ur point at the end tho. im not sure its about some sexuality insecurity here tho, i guess id have to observe more lol but the people on that post ur referring to just dont seem like the type that like harass other lesbians & insist other lesbians are bi and make the obnoxious ~theres only like 10 real lesbians in the world~ type of comments so i have no reason to think this is some overcompensation over their own insecurity over their sexuality. theres many other things that pop into my mind first which is like, idk bad experiences with bi women for example (not uncommon for lesbians unfortunately. ive had several bad experiences myself as well but ive also had some good ones so im more neutral for such reasons)