#Idk if its because i just dont know it or people in this fandom not creating duo names
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Harley's and Lancaster's talk.
#find us alive#scp find us alive#scp fua#dr edmund harley#dr orion lancaster#my art#fuapod#ep 31 is one of my faves because these two are my faves and its great angst#so heres a little fanart for it which kinda broke my art block and like is it perfect no but its done#and i really needed to finally draw more fua stuff i really did#i relistened it recently and god its so good! its so funny and fun and i really like it#but i remember Harley's voice wierdly changing but i dont think its there or at least i didnt notice this time so did there used to be a va#change or did i listen wierdly or something??? or am i just misremembering idk#also was Lancaster in the prision jumpsuit dclass have idk but he is here (which was so hard its so ugly 😫)#also design wise (barely changed since i draw them last like a year ago tbh apart from me kinda knowing how to draw people that dont look#like teenagers and look you know like adult men#but like to me harley looks like fanon doug eiffel basiclly and lancaster looks like cover art henry oak or at leasts that's my inspo#i shall draw love and raddinger and klein soon hopefully unless i just dissapear from fua fandom after one fanart once again who knows
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Remembered protogens n stuff exist and they're epic and thought for a split second "huh maybe I should rejoin that fandom" then remembered why I fucking left . put all the reasons in the tags I was originally gonna put just a little bit but now im realizing there's a whole fucking paragraph down there so. Whoops
#the fandom is so insanely awful to one another 😥#and some people in the fandom act like they're oppressed in fhe same way as gay people (bbg toddlers just relentlessly hate you so they can#feel cool it's no big deal. thats an 8 year old u dont need to tell them to kill themself)#aaaand then the people who are zoophiles#and they're awful.#they're the reason furries are made fun of#and i know its not that bad to get made fun of but#ok yeah i know that sounds awful#some kinds of bullying are fucking terrible#but i mean its not as awful as losing our rights like gay or trans people#but its still tiring to get bullied online by little kids because youre a cosplayer#just because they either think all animal cosplayers MUST be zoophiles#or they just think its cool#idk my point is the fandom is awful and i refuse to call myself a furry unless someone else tells me they're in the fandom#like ill tell a friend that im a furry . not the whole ass internet or the people at my school
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Hey uh. Does someone know Wukong and Macaque's duo name?? Not ShadowPeach, thats their ship name, i want to know if a name for when their relationship is interpreted as platonic exists. Also Mei and Red Son's. Also Red Son and Mk's. Also Mei and Mk- do people in this fandom even name this sort of thing????
#Lmk#Lmk macaque#Lmk wukong#Lego monkie kid#Lmk mk#Lmk mei#Lmk Red son#I want to make a masterlist with all the duo/trio/group names for lmk one day#I need this fandons duo names so badly#I only know a couple like darkhorse duo(mei and macaque) sunburst duo (mk and wukong) and uhh#Ive seen eclipse duo being used with chang'e and wukong????#Also theres stable Boys i think(ao lie and wukong)#I dont know a lot._.#Idk if its because i just dont know it or people in this fandom not creating duo names#Peopel who DO know please educate me#Stuff
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i would be much less lonely and so would a lot of other people if i could handle 1 on 1 conversations like a normal person
#slowly i have been accepting the fact that i am not as social as i once was to an extreme extent and that it is likely a large manifestation#of my psychosis. and that thats okay. i think its more distressing for OTHER people than it is me... i dont know. i was talking to my#partner once about it and they were like well. yeah it makes sense considering how many bad friendships youve had but also like. people are#just insane to you sometimes. like sometimes people are just crazy weird about you. it makes sense why youd be offput by it#and having someone else actually recognize that was more helpful than like any form of therapy ive ever had that focused on 'fixing' me#because. god damn it yeah it DOES make sense! and soemtimes it gets tiring to always feel like i have to recover recover recover from it#when in reality i myself dont..... dislike being alone a lot of the time? i actually really like it. like a lot. like TOO much. which idk#i do want to work on it eventually especially because sometimes *i* demand and crave attention and help and love from others. and imo it#feels wrong not to give it back to them. because if im going to ask for something its only right to return it. but im also like#maybe there are ways for me to return it that are still fun and enjoyable for me too. idk#i dont knowwwww#this is why i tend to only make fandom friends because i can yell at them about the Interest for 400 years. and thats usually it
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for the record, i think *everyone* should voice their opinions directly in my replies and reblogs, because there's this beautiful thing called "talking to people" and it does wonders for the sense of community when you don't feel like it's you against everyone else. if i make a dumbass post i encourage y'all to say something directly to me, i'll probably agree with you on your points, and if i don't, then you might gain a better understanding of mine that must have led me there.
like, am i crazy. am i old. i genuinely think this is the largest contributing factor to isolation and this Me vs. Them vibe that modern fandom has going on. most of the time if i see something ~factually incorrect~ and shoot somebody a reply they go, "shit, you're right, my bad!" and that's the end of it. i would hope everybody would pay me the same courtesy and be comfortable enough to do that, idk.
#this is something i purposefully try to check myself on#because i used to get very caught up in like. god everyone is so WRONG and its like hey ada. listen man.#there are sixteen fucking seasons and an absurd amount of additional footage and facts in interviews and shit that not everybody remembers#i know i have memory holes concerning characters other than dennis#people have been in this fandom for Years people have gone years without rewatching in full people have just started watching#I Get It and i think its easy to get caught up in this very individualistic and self centered Im The Only One Who Gets It mindset#but i think this has gotten so fucking bad recently#and people will form cliques and then just shit on anybody outside of it while only offering these benefits to the clique#and yes people should have boundaries and you should stay in your lane#but if somebody was to respectfully approach me i would?? appreciate it even if i was to stick by my opinion#idk. this is such a weird. phenomenon#its dependant on what the take is Based on bc if its headcanon i truly dont give a ahit#but isnt it better to be like. hey youre citing the wrong ep.#instead of going to your friend to go LOOK AT THIS FUCKING IDIOT WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHICH EPISODE--#ada speaks#honestly probably more accurate to say i mostly utilize replies#because i Do do that more#i don't want to risk embarrassing people over a mistake and blasting it to my followers#but like. if its a wholeass Take i disagree with ill probably reblog and give an alternate reading#which like. i would rather be sure anything is more well thought out than the character limit in a reply allows for
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I'm so heavily anti-advertising that all pitches sound goofy silly to me/I can never take them seriously, so I have no idea how I'll manage to to advertise my game even if I do finally finish it soon-ish lol...
#Especially how so much modern media advertising is like... getting people excited about random tropes and stuff like#''Do you love enemies to lovers? Do you love sad stories that make you do a heckin CRY? Do you love big stupid dumbo muffin cake#sinnamon roll babies who are too good for this world? Have you ever wanted to read a blah blach blah" whatever stuff and it's like#... i cannot type that... I couldnt do it.. I couldn't even think of how to do it ghbjhbjh#I am such a literal person... Like I love when an advertisement is just like 'This product works well. Look at it. Buy it if you want. Ok'#You know what makes me want to read a book or watch a show or play a game? Reading a detailed plot synopsis or the full wiki page#for it and then deciding 'yeah I wouldnt mind sitting through seeing the events I just read about happen in more detail' lol#OR aesthetics. since I do often watch things JUST for the set/costume design. Sometimes I will watch stuff literally#just because I saw a picture of a costume in it that looked really cool and I want to sketch costume looks whilst watching#But aside from appearance like... little bullet point break downs of things that are in a story just ... do not do anything to me at all.#And i just hate 'selling' things to begin with. I don't want to have to convince people to like something.. they should just... like it...#LOL.. like.. just be born liking it. just like it automatically please. Dont make me beg to you like a weird little freak. So many commerci#als seem weirdly desperate and manipulative. Like those Truck/Car commercials that will have like a freaking dog crying and#a war vet in a wheelchair with the american flag in the background and a family hugging around a christmas tree or some shint and its#just like oh my GODDD... shut UPP.. you could literally not be MORE blantant about just trying to prey on peoples emotions to build#some sort of fabricated positive association with your product/brand.. begone.. Or brands having their own twitters where they post#~~relatable content~~ as a means of shallow audience endearment GGGRR..... ANYWAY.. hhrgh...................#Maybe that's something I can ask playtesters I guess like.. I feel like I don't know my own audience very well because I am not#much of a media person?? ironically.. Like I do enjoy MAKING media. But I've never been in a fandom. I've never read fanfiction. I've never#spent much time in those spaces. I've just never really had the inclination and don't personally derive much joy out of stuff like that#(since I'm already so focused on my OWN world and projects its like.. hard for me to even find the time and mental energy to expend on#others). Even when I finish a movie or game and really like it.. I just kind of like...move on? and don't really dwell on it much? At most#I will get into the worldbuilding of a piece of media and read the wiki for a while or watch Lore info or critical analysis videos. But I#never really care for or attach to the characters or the plot itself very much. So I feel like.. the way my brain works. I'm just not as#good at approaching things from that angle? Kind of like how if you're a lifelong vegetarian whos never eaten meat - you might#struggle to write an ad for fancy brand of steaks bc you'd be like... idk what meat eaters are even looking for? whats the selling point??#Which I'm not saying that I wouldn't play my own game. i AM definitely the audience for it. But it's more like.. I would play it for my own#very niche specific reasons that I think are different from what MOST people might want to play it for. So I need to somehow#tap into the minds of the Majority who play things for Normal Reasons than pure lore collection or whatever lol.
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MADE EDITS i couldn't stop thinking about their outfits and like,, the aspects i liked and thought felt very winx and in line with the individual characters and the aspects i Hated and thought sucked dookie SO i made some edits :)
biggest changes are to musa, aisha, and stella! actually changed the clothes there. flora and tecna i just adjusted the colors (in flora's case to further unwhitewash her and saturate her clothing more and in tecna's case to bring back her pink hair and green and cyan).
explanations on changes below!
I'll start with the simpler edits!
For Tecna, I just wanted to play around with her og colors lol I actually LOVE her new look and I would love to see this be the final design!! It's SO tecna and fits in with the rest of the winx i love it soo much :') I do think they should bring back her pinker hair though! And again, would love to see the green and cyan make an appearance. I feel like neon green is just very classy techy character. And while it is cliche, I do love it akjgd plus I think it looks good on her and makes the other colors stand out more imo! (but maybe this new, pinker look will make people like her more idk :') justice for tecna my beloved :'))
For Flora, I darkened her skin more for obvious reasons. And then I added more saturation to the colors and added back the warmer tones they took out. Imo, the darker, desaturated, and cooler toned look for Flora only works in very specific circumstances. Color theory rainbow!! Bring back the brightness! The color!! The warmth!!
Which brings me to Stella ohmygod,,, please,,,, please stop desaturating her she looks so pale and sick and lifeless STOP please :') Anyway lol, obviously brought back the brighter orange! I also took away the random sleeve. It's cute but it just didn't feel very Stella at the time? The tube top look is Very Classic Stella (very much giving s3 casual but in orange). Tbh, I don't love the dress itself, but I do think it looks better once you add more of Stella's colors. I also tanned her skin more and made her hair more yellow + brighter! Just like with Flora, color theory is important for media!! This Stella design just does Not give sunny, optimistic character. It's giving the gap (aka BORING aljdhg)
Aisha's design stumped me for a bit, I won't lie. I couldn't figure out exactly what I didn't like. But I got it!! One, way too symmetrical imo. Yes, Aisha does have some very symmetrical looks, but like 80% of her looks are very asymmetrical. I also didn't love that it didn't incorporate more of Aisha's powers. It really just went for *vaguely sporty* and didn't try to bring anything else to the table. And some people might say that Aisha's og looks were like that too, but I disagree! They told a story! She's a brave adventurer, a dancer, a princess, etcetc!! This tells me "oh yeah this girl might like to do yoga. cool."
Anyway! So I made Aisha's pants baggier because let's be fucking real for a sec. Changed the design on the pants slightly to make it asymmetrical and incorporated a wave design. Took away that bottom shiny fabric of her shirt. I tried to keep it but it just wasn't looking great with the pants changes tbh. Added small waves to the bottom and made it one shoulder! Also added her classic little circle wave design 1. because it's cute and 2. so Musa wouldn't feel so out of place with a design. Tbh, I still don't love the pants... I think maybe that hem could be higher?
For Musa! I've spoken about this before but I do not like the bodysuit. I liked the concept and the vibe it brings, but it looks So uncomfortable and s1 Musa was alllll about being comfortable. It's why so many people think she hates wearing dresses (even though she doesn't). So I kept the vibe, but changed it to the same mesh that's on her right arm! Which like!! I didn't even see that until I started the edit!! It's so,,, unnoticeable which like,, isn't a bad thing? But also? I think the mesh being on her stomach too makes the design as a whole a little more balanced (and it's a nice callback to her og magic winx!). As for the color changes, really just wanted to go back to her reds and dark blues. I don't Hate the color scheme, but I also don't love it. And I think this feels a lot more like Musa yknow? Also darkened her hair cause fuck that dude
Anyway lol it's not the best edit so don't look too hard :') I just wanted to explore what I liked about the designs and what I didn't. We did get to see a little bit of Bloom's casual, but I want to wait until we get a closer look to speak on it/make edits. Also tbh, I don't really love Flora's outfit but I didn't want to completely redesign her and I concede that this is something she would wear (although it feels more like s4 cowgirl time/s5 casual and not s1 new student time but Fine). For now, I'm gonna pretend the trailer showed us my edit of Stella and not what it really showed. I can't get pale pinterest stella out of my head,,, aggghhhh
#tbh i don't love stella being monochrome that much but trust me the pink wasn't working#as a whole though the goal was to make it feel more like Them and make them feel more individual!!#as others have mentioned.. the constant baby pink is Sooo annoying and it makes them blend together way too much#its not a cohesive vibe its just 'here lets all wear pink for no fucking reason'#but anyway while i don't Love stella being all orange i feel like it doesnt stand out tooo badly thanks to tecna#also again i still really hate aisha's pants :') idk they look SO off to me#the wave was a big brain moment but i fear not even that could save her#i think im gonna do another edit for her later!#anyway. thoughts? comments? concerns?#tbh i am loving seeing all the positivity toward the new outfits#like yes ive seen my fair share of hate but i feel like fans are genuinely looking forward to this#and keeping an open mind even with the things they don't love!#i love that :') we haven't had that in the winx fandom since like.. world of winx maybe... and even that had a lot of hate#because of the whitewashing especially which valid but even smaller things that were just Different#so its really nice to see people so genuinely excited and looking forward to it!! its probably helping the morale at rainbow lol#winx club#mine.edits#mine.art#winx club spoilers#kind of i still dont know if these are Final designs but im going to treat them as such since we're getting closer to the release
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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sometimes I wish I wasn't a hater over such stupid things but like. it all builds up and boils over and if I can't be a hater about stupid fandom drama I'm vaguely involved in I know it will actually ruin my life. c'est la vie.
#bee's buzzing#i feel so mean and evil for it and its like. i do noooot want to like. Make Callout Posts and drag people through the dirt by name yknow#but when ppl have consistently talked shit about my friends and also theyre just annoying as fuck#and do not understand anything or think with their brains.#i cannot take it. it drives me up a wall.#true centi fans know exactly who i am talking about but 1) they both have me blocked lmao. 2) i dont wanna be Overly Cruel by naming them#even if i hate them soooo much at this point.#anyway this is why i dont post much i/eytd content publicly it lost its charm when i TRIED to join the fandom and like#got my friends with me#and they got dragged through the fucking Dirt over a stupid joke and ive been made to feel like#idk. a bitchy lesbian (true) because i cannot fathom how theyve characterized this man the way they have#and how theyre fucking hypocrites.#and how this fandom makes me fucking Terrified to actually speak my mind lest i be turned to viscera#though maybe this is the paranoia and anxiety speaking i dont know. whatever. what fucking everrrrrr.#idk last time i tried 2 open discussion in the main tag about how i as a weird dyke just feel left out of the fandom#it just left me feeling worse than before. and got me blocked by someone i actually was trying my hardest to have a real discussion with#like im sorry for being abrasive and coming off badly i guess? im deeply mentally ill and also autistic idk.#whatever.#nobody look at me im having a moment
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This probably sounds pathetic but man I wish I had some asian friends online, especially queer ones
[DISCLAIMER I AM MONGOLIAN]
#acting like i have asian friends irl#but also it’d probably be miserable because my experiences are quite isolating even for asian people#i never learned mongolian! my parents just didnt teach me#im barely connected to my culture at all#i kinda dream of meeting another mongolian person like me but thats far fetched so#ah well#idk i feel like I’m in majority white spaces 99% of the time online and its kinda weird#and even then if they’re poc i somehow have avoided befriending asian people?#i just wanna see someone and they see me and we both acknowledge each other and see each other#i’ve had times in my life where i’ve legitimately felt more white than anything wlse#which is sad! i should have never experienced that#i should know mongolian and know stuff about mongolia without googling it and i should talk to other asian people and i should be able to#really talk to them about my experiences and they should be able to nod and laugh and agree#but i dont! i’ve never had a close asian friend ever#both because theres like a 3% asian population in my hometown and because the fandom spaces I’ve put myself in before are VIOLENTLY white#so. oh well.
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Kind of wish people would understand that you can dislike characters actions and they can piss you off but you can still enjoy the show as a whole
#yes this is about yellowjackets 💔 it is not a lack of media literacy to dislike a fictional character because they annoy you#thats just a byproduct of interacting with any kind of fiction#it happens#i hate shauna because she annoys the hell out of me but i understand a lot of her motivations and her situation-#-which makes me understand how complex of a character she is. but that doesnt mean i actually like her#she still annoys me#i just know why she annoys me#and i think a lot of people are too obsessed with the show to actually understand that you can still like it-#-and even like the characters but still dislike and acknowledge when a character does something bad#because the character did something bad#like idk its weird to me that people get so defensive over it#just as characters can do bad things people can dislike characters for doing bad things and still enjoy the narrative at hand#you do not need to instill toxic positivity as a must to interact with fandom#you do not need to jump for joy at every pixel on screen#you can dislike things#hate them even#because everybody dislikes things. everybody hates things. thats just being human.#no show is perfect and the point of the show isnt even to be perfect#which is something people repeat over and over as to why you need to like everything in it (which seems like backwards thinking to me)#people can be complicated and the show (and characters) is complicated#but you can dislike complex things??#i do not understand the narrative people are pushing that you cannot dislike any character because it 'proves' you dont understand nuance-#-and cant handle an 'adult show' like yellowjackets#the argument just reminds me of people who get angry when you criticise the humor in rick and morty#its so 'you need to be an intellectual to understand it'core i fear 💔
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Dunno why the rgg fandom has been so dead lately hoping that the announcement brings people back cause it really doesn’t feel like how it did before ☹️
it hasnt even been two weeks since i got an ask like this i need yall to wait a minute
#snap chats#and the rgg fandom ISNT dead- not on twitter idk why people keep saying this#and even if it was that shouldnt stop you from enjoying and talking about the franchise#its impossible for a fandom space to feel 'like it once did' but thats not bad thats just how life is#if you really want to jumpstart fandom activity before the stream though then just start talkin bout the franchise#and sharin art and all that i PROMISE something only dies if you let it die and mourn it before its even gone#because before you know it its stream day and people will be back to talk more about it#and even if not thats fine !!! just enjoy the franchise esp with friends if you gottem#and Like Always if you dont got friends and you want people to talk with start talkin to people !!!#or start postin in ways that make people wanna talk to you god speed and god bless you go have fun friend
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its not extremely common but it is interesting (not in a good way) that several times ive seen peoples solutions to "apprentice x older man who isnt very good to them" is "apprentice x older woman who is questionably better maybe" and its like yeah idk. i dont know that i like "teenager shipped with someone who is a grown adult when they meet and get close" even when its gay
#lamb.og#warrior cats#and i know in some cases the apprentice is actually already a young adult or close to graduating#ala like.. crowpaw#and theres also cases like say mothwing and leafpool or barley and ravenpaw#where the age gap isnt actually very clear due to wcs habit of constant retcons and poor timeline management..#and its more accurate to assume the intention is actually that they should be more closer in age#and hell i even accept situations like dovetiger where people will just say no tigerheart was born later so then hes an apprentice at the#same time as dovewing#warrior cats is one of the few series where i think theres many cases where aging a character up or down to make a ship be less creepy#is actually fine and not as weird as it would be in another fandom#i just find it strange when theres none of these factors involved#and its just being played straight as no see this teen x adult ship is okay as long as the adult is nice actually#and then theres also cases like squirrel x leafstar where its like#her sister was named after leafstar. at some point thats just weird even when you account fur them meeting as adults#idk !! basically its not always the biggest deal#because of how wibbly wobbly canon ages are in wc#but often ill see a ship and especially one thats painted as better than a m/f ship because its gay instead#and im like wow ! no i dont think that one is any better !#i cant say im a big fan of teen x adult ships even when its gay sorry#go find a woman her age to ship her with#or even just someone where theyd meet as adults or when theyre both apprentices.. and theres not the leafstar clause in effect#where theres something else kind of strange and weird about it
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I've been replaying skyrim and- "Uh oh, Aph! Are you getting philosophical about a mid game that you've played 80 billion times now?" Yes, of course I am. Now, my take of the day is Astrid gets a bad rap in the fandom
If you have personal qualms for whatever reason with her (Cicero fan, upset she got everyone killed, her voice, whatever it may be), that's totally fine! However! I just finished the dbh quest line again, and she's honestly not as terrible as we've been painting her, I feel.
When you first join, she's pretty attentive - clearly keeping an eye on you because you're new, but as you prove yourself and she can worry less, she seems to almost losen up. I do think she asks you to do things that she wouldn't ask anyone else because she's testing you or because you're new and she's not as attached yet, but its clear she has some kind if concern for you and your safety. Especially when the Nightmother incident happens, and she thinks Cicero might have attempted to hurt you. Then shit hits the fan (in her eyes)
Now, here's something that might sound strange - I don't think she decides to sell you out until the last possible minute. Why would she ask you to find her husband otherwise? Why would she keep sending you out to further the plot against the emperor and keep rewarding you? These are shows of trust- and while maybe some could be seen as implicating you further as the sole thorn in the side of the emperor, again, why send you to kill Cicero- to help Abjorn? Someone she loves and cares for deeply? Why not send someone more experienced?
I think maybe her paranoia ramps up after the Cicero incident for sure- she gets more flighty and decides right around when you are going to kill the emperor, when things are seriously about to change, does she panic. I mean, imagine you've led a group for years and some stranger you brought into your family like last week, and a jester who brought a sacred corpse with him is claiming the stranger is supposed to be the faction leader and the only one who can hear the dead lady's voice! That's a shit deal! What the fuck!
If something goes wrong, everything will go wrong. She's probably not had a lot of control in her life previously (note: her story about her uncle making "unwanted advances" makes me think maybe it's something that had been happening and she finally decided to kill him after snapping but she definitely glosses over it very quickly in favor of being murder happy which is understandable) and now that control is once again slipping and everyone else can see she's paranoid (multiple members comment on it if you talk to them before hopping in the Nightmothers coffin the first time) so it's not a big surprise that you, the threat to her status quo and control, seem like the one to take out
And it all goes to shit! And she seems so desperately and genuinely sorry on her death bed - everyone she loved and cared for is dead, mind you. This is a woman who has lost everything and is now begging to die for a greater good and a desperate apology to you and to the people she's hurt. The game clearly doesn't want you to forgive her (based on the dialog options it presents), but i wish we could at least say something kind. But I that might just be me
#skyrim#skyrim dbh#dark brotherhood#skyrim astrid#theres worse betrayals in the game that people seem to be more okay with being real#cant imagine why astrid is heavily demonized. who knows.#shes a woman who isnt automatically nice to you and doesnt like a male favorite in the community#so thats probably part of it#the dbh has such clear care for each other though so is hard to imagine her as an outlier#i think she just fucked up and payed the ultimate price#its not her fault shes a faction leader in skyrim and is therefore doomed by the narrative by default#i cant imagine doing what she did but i would probably have been more petty if i was her tbf#abjorn is pretty petty at you until you go out and help him in cure for maddness#then hes like 'heg man you dont suck im just kinda a dick its my bad. thanks for lookinf out for me“ and then he dies like a quest log later#idk maybe im bias because im tired of fandom sexism as a transman who likes when women are people and mean sometimes
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sorry and now im just thinking about fanfic but i think my relationship to reading fanfic has changed so much now that im writing more and i kind of hate it because i feel like i cant read without feeling guilty that im not writing. like if i have time to read it then surely i have time to write it. which is not really fair to myself because reading (especially fanfic) takes way less mental energy for me than writing so i can read when im tired or distracted or busy or whatever but i cant write unless my body and brain are literally in perfect condition. but the result is that i feel so guilty about reading that i basically just reread old fics these days and dont read anything new because that is somehow worse (?) than rereading something ive read before which makes zero logical sense but thats the way it is. but then even logging on to ao3 stresses me out because i feel like im being a bad member of the community per se bc i havent read up on the latest stuff. which is literally so dumb! like so ridiculous and i know it doesnt make any sense at all but i cant help feeling bad about it anyway. ive read like three new fics since december.
#i think i attach probably too much value to myself as a participator in fandom to me as a creator#like my writing is the biggest thing that i make so i feel like i should be doing it as often as possible#but its also extremely personal so of course it takes a lot of time and effort#but there are a lot of really talented writers in tennisblr (or tennis ao3) and i have of course fallen into the trap of comparing myself#not only in quality but also in quantity and frequency and stuff#bc i know that i dont write as often and i take forever to update#and i know the straightforward lesson is to just not compare myself but obviously its hard to get that through my brain#idk. i want to feel more secure in my writing because i love the process so much#and i love sharing it with other people#but im just feeling like im writing worse and worse because i'm stressed about making something#like. needing to make something to keep up my self-proclaimed status as a writer#again i know this is all so silly but my last post got me thinking about it and now my mind is on it#and thinking about the fact that i got the urge to search for like 15 minutes to find an old fic i read once#rather than looking at any of the new fics i've scrolled past which are like. exactly what i'd want to read#anyways. this is not important im just blabbing now but i feel liike i needed to get it out#sometimes it helps and sometiimes it doesnt. ig we will see
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I think the reason I like the 5 Eccentrics so much is that it's just such a good depiction of the….variety of friendship. Because it was a group literally created to be destroyed. It was, in other words, a forced union of 5 people who might have never or barely interacted. Yet even with that, even knowing that, they all chose to have a meaningful friendship with each other - they chose to be friends and remain friends even if their union was forced, even if the very reason that they met was to be taken down. It's almost the arranged marriage trope but it wouldn't work as well like marriage because it really isn't that. It's like the family system (brought together by chance and a common identity) but it's still different. Because they didn't HAVE to be friends even if sharing the same label, because they didn't have to keep sticking around each other and become a real family. They chose to be friends in spite of all odds, chose to be grateful even amidst their destruction, and forged a precious bond that not even their predetermined fall could break and in this essay I will -
#fandom spamdom#enstars#ensemble stars#stuff i say#welcome to the inevitable five eccentrics post that i finally made you may move along now#BUT NO FOR REAL YOU GUYS IM SO OUGH OVER THE FRIENDSHIPS IN ENSTARS#for all the crazy that goes on in the story the friendships and the brotherhood (or siblinghood in some cases) is just so -#i dont even know the characters that well but i could go on forever about the amagis or sakumas or aoi twins#and maybe add a dash of the tsukasa-oukawa cousinhood while we're at it#and thats not even mentioning himeru and his brother#but the eccentrics have had me in a chokehold ever since the anime and the element miniseries and they havent let me go#its about connections that were forced but bonds that were forged instead#its about being thrust into the fire together and deciding to be the cooling water for each other instead of keeping a distance from them#its about friendship and family and realising theyre human because they found people like their own selves#and it messes me up how they also found people to establish their humanity with asides from each other#idk how to explain it because they always talk about how they werent very human before while im shaking them....#...because you guys WERE human. you ARE human. you have always been human but never treated as such...#....andfjaisojr eifowjifjsof eive lost coherence#i swear enstars hasnt made me go on about the human condition and the philosophy of humanity#i was already like this before the game#also i just find it so fascinating how the stories establish each of the idol boys' humanity....#....but at the same time the art and the very nature of the industry theyre participating in also kind of forces them to keep it under wrap#(like come on. even the name idols is so compelling...things made by man but revered as gods and potentially more fallible than man etc)#anyway disclaimer that these are all my opinions etc..
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