#Idk i just love their relationship so much but it just

[cheyisagirlkisser]

"She Gets the Job Done!"

Cowgirl Ellie x Fem! Reader

Content: Cowgirl Ellie, Fem! country reader, Ellie is western type of cowgirl, reader is southern, badly written accents(guys I am southern but idk how to write a western accent), smut, clit rubbing(r! recieving), scissoring, making out, biting, some implied homophobia, reader is written as a lesbian, modern AU, reader has female anatomy, very loosely based off of Chappell Roan's unreleased song.

Word Count: 2.4k

Resource Credits: Here and Here!

Description: You're a true southern girl who is fed up with these country boys who just can't please you. What you really need is a woman, but that's kind of hard to seek out in a small southern town. When Ellie Williams moves into your town along with Joel Miller, she ends up working at the farm nearby, and you really want her. It's true: only a woman knows how to treat a woman right.

Wow, you really hated living in the south sometimes. You mostly loved the summer heat complimentary with trips to the creek on the weekends. You always loved going to rodeos where you obsessed over the dandies. You loved southern food, the nature, the farms and the small town life.

What you didn't love was the men.

You were always a romantic at heart, reading steamy western novels with a flashlight under your blankets at the age of 14 or writing love letters you'd never send to cowboys in town. However, as you grew up into a woman, you realized you'd slowly started replacing the men with cowgirls. You spent your nights wondering what it'd be like to be actually satisfied in a relationship. You grew up in a traditional-minded town, so you tried to push down those desires. You had a couple boyfriends, but men just weren't it for you. They were too rough, too awkward with you in bed, too greedy. None of them knew how to please a woman, at least not a woman like you. After a while, you gave up on the dream cowgirl you had in mind. The novels became difficult to pick up once you began to believe you'd never get the chance to experience real passion or real pleasure. That was what you'd felt like, at least until Ellie moved into your town.

Ellie Williams wasn't much for the south. She was a western girl at heart, adorned with thick leather boots and messy auburn hair. You'd seen cowgirls before, so that wasn't what surprised you. You just felt a calling to her, you adored her from her freckles that faded out in the sun to her messy hair that had a tint of red when light hit it in the right way. She was strong, that was for sure. Her biceps looked so firm, like they could handle if you sank your teeth down into them. She wasn't an extremely strong-looking girl, but that only enticed you more. Her eyes told a lot about her, said she wasn't looking for anything funny, but you wondered if she was silly under all the bravado.

She moved from the west side of the states with Joel Miller, who wasn't a wealthy man by any means, but grew up in your home town. At first, you couldn't tell if Ellie and Joel were related or not. Joel was more friendly, talked to older folks in town, but Ellie often kept to herself. She'd spend most of her time helping out with the farm next to your father's. It was when you were walking to the farmer's market that you noticed her for the very first time.

Your father was a nice man, well known in town. You were living with him until you had enough money to afford your own small place. He owned a farm and wasn't the most rich man, but he made ends meet. Today was a nice day, which mean he unfortunately encouraged you to walk to the local farmer's market instead of stealing his truck for the errand. Of course, you kept your complaints to yourself. Your dad was a sweet old man, and you should've been thanking him anyways, cause you met the most gorgeous girl the world had to offer.

Poor Ellie was too busy herding in sheep to notice your stare, to even notice you pass the road. It only made you more intrigued, that she was such a hard worker.

After that day, you'd always look out for her presence. You avoided using your dad's truck when you needed to run errands, saying it would be a quick walk. You just liked being able to pass by her as she worked on the farm, get the extra few seconds to admire her. You really felt like a creep, but this was the first time you really felt such adoration for a person. Such attraction.

The first time you spoke to her, she was driving Joel's truck down the dirt road after she had finished up with your neighbor's farm. You at the time were walking, coming home from the market with a bag of peaches for a peach cobbler. Ellie noticed you, and that was really when the two of you clicked.

She was used to pretty girls, the west and south had no shortage of them. However, you were perfection for the cowgirl. You wore a cutesy pair of overalls and a pink t-shirt underneath, and Ellie had a soft spot for feminine girls. She came to a slow stop on the dusty road, putting the transmission in park.

"Hey, you! Need a ride?" She shouted with a smile plastered on her face. Your heart melted. You'd expected her to be more serious or smug, but she seemed almost nervous. It was only making your heart beat faster.

"I only live next to this farm, it's really no problem." You assured, though you really hoped she'd push the matter. Thankfully, she did.

"Really, Joel would kill me if he found out I let you walk home. It's getting late."

You, an utterly hopeless lesbian, couldn't resist. You said fuck it and let her reach over to open the passenger door for you, and your boots reached up into the truck to plop down into the passenger seat. You placed the brown paper bag of peaches in your lap and gave her a quick thanks as she began driving. Small talk felt more like two old friends hitting it off, and you liked her accent. It made you a tad more comfortable.

The two of you grew really close after that day. She'd be in the local rodeos and you looked forward to the sleepovers that came after. A few months of friendship helped you get to know her in a way that you could confidently call her your best friend. You still liked her though, feelings only growing the more the two of you bonded. You noticed that while she was a bit shy, she came out of her shell when she was around people she knew. She was quite sarcastic to Joel, and you loved the way she made fun of you at times. It made your heart flutter, and you imagined she was saying the opposite of whatever insult she had created for you.

Ellie wasn't much like what you'd imagined, and you partially felt bad for the feelings harbored away for her. She was a cowgirl who loved horses, sure. But she shared some private interests with you that shouldn't have made you want her more, but it did. One night, Ellie and you were sitting outside in her cow field, a blanket laid out beneath the two of you. She turned to you with a genuine smile, the warm look that she only gave very few people, and spoke in a quiet voice.

"You know, I've always wanted to go to space."

You turned to face her with slightly raised eyebrows. "Really? You? In Space?" You couldn't help the surprise in your tone.

She laughed softly at your expression. "Yes, dumbass. I used to listen to the first moon landing recording on repeat. Somethin' about it was really magical, ya know?"

You couldn't help but melt a little at her confession. The thought of Ellie being obsessed with astronauts was really endearing. But you couldn't stop the teasing, either.

"Is that why you have those nerdy space comics on your shelf? You told me those were Joel's!"

Ellie scoffed and swatted your arm playfully, but her hand lingered on your skin. "That's a topic for another time. Be grateful I share my secrets with ya."

You felt the warmth of her fingers, the way they softly traced patterns on your bare arm. Right then and there, you suddenly needed to risk it all.

"Ellie...I..I really need to tell you something." You sounded shaky and uncertain, but you needed to get your feelings out, even if it meant facing a possible rejection. This girl was too perfect to let get away.

"Yeah, what's up?" She sounded curious, unaware. That made you feel uneasy.

"I just..well, when I first saw you, I thought of you as a completely different person. And I really liked you. I liked you in a romantic way. I got to know you, though. The thing is, I think I like you even more. And I'm so sorry if you-" You were suddenly cut off when her plush lips met yours.

You were shocked, but quickly kissed her back, hands grasping at her everywhere, pulling her to lay on her side so you could tangle your legs with hers. It felt so nice to be kissing her. She tasted like fruit and smelled even better, and her tongue felt hypnotizing against yours. It made you crave much more.

Soon, you were rolled onto your back so the cowgirl could lay on top of you. Her hands were trailing from your sides to your stomach, her hand pausing above your shirt, her eyes meeting yours to search for any hesitation. When you nodded, her hands slid up your shirt to massage your tits through the fabric of your cotton bra. You let out a quiet whine, the feeling of her weight pressed on your body, and she leaned in to press her lips against your neck. In response, you tilted your head back, desperately craving more of her. You could feel the shakiness of her breath, and it reminded you that she was just as nervous as you were.

"Do you wanna keep going?" She asked, and you really noticed how different her tone was from when she was usually speaking to people. One of her hands trailed down the button of your jeans, and she didn't continue until you nodded.

Her hand quickly unzipped your jeans, her eyes meeting yours. She thought you were just too beautiful, looking up at her with wide eyes. She adored you. Her fingers slipped into your panties, and she let out a little "fuck" when she felt the damp patch in your panties. You laughed with a tinge of embarrassment.

"Please, Ellie." You sounded so desperate, Ellie quickly leaned up to plant a kiss on your lips. This one was much more confident, more sloppy and hungry than the first. She took your tongue into her mouth, giving it a hard suck which made you buck up into her hand, trying to get her to just fuck you.

"Patience, mkay?" She said softly as she pulled away, a shaky exhale leaving her mouth at the sight of the string of saliva the kiss had pulled from the two of you.

You nodded even though you weren't the most patient person. Ellie kept you at bay by rubbing at your clit with the pad of her finger, swirling moisture around the soft bud. You made one of the most heavenly sounds Ellie had ever heard, your eyes fluttering shut as she touched you. For the first time, someone actually focused on you. She struggled to pull your shirt off with just hand but you helped her out and soon, your bra was quickly unclasped. Ellie continued to rub at your clit as much as she could through your jeans, but she eventually gave up and pulled her hand out of your jeans, eliciting a cute whine from you.

"Off, please?" She requested, her voice so sweet and yet so demanding. Now that she knew you wanted her, she wasn't playing around. You nodded eagerly and lifted your hips as much as possible to pull your jeans and panties over your hips. Soon, you were left naked on the blanket. Ellie sat up to strip off her own clothes and you admired the sight.

Something about watching the girl strip, her pale skin coming into view in contrast to the stars above the two of you, it was perfection. Her body was slim and she was lean but had muscle on her. There they were, those perfect biceps..you couldn't help but sit up with her to plant kisses on them which soon turned into hungry little bites.

She let out a shaky laugh at your biting and joked with you, even in the heat of the moment. "You're gonna take a bite outta my arm, jesus."

You ignored her teasing and instead moved your lips to her pointy tits, smiling slightly as she shuddered. You found her weak spots. You dragged your tongue over both of her tits, feeling her nipples harden against your touch. She was getting impatient now. She pulled you closer so you were sitting with your legs tangled together, moving to slot herself between your legs. You let out countless desperate pleas as her wet cunt came into contact with yours.

You couldn't help but buck your hips into her no matter how much she tried to stabilize you, both of your moans filling the field. Her cunt was so wet against yours and you could feel her clit and lips both rub up and down all over your own clit. The stimulation felt so good but it had you desperate in ways your body knew, your whines getting louder when Ellie would lean in for wet, lazy kisses and trail her lips all over your neck, hands snaking around to squeeze your ass.

"Fuck, Els. Please, I'm gonna cum..I want you, please.." You pleaded with her, your orgasm building up inside you. This would be the first time you actually came from another person's actions.

"Cum with me, mkay? Cmon baby, you can cum for me.."

You'd never heard Ellie speak so filthy before. Sure, she had a sailor's mouth. She'd swear and curse even on her death bed. But just hearing her beg you to cum, it really sent sparks down into your pussy.

You frantically ground against her pussy, words coming out probably incoherent to Ellie's ears. "Fuck, I'm cummin', I love you Els.."

Your orgasm hit you like fireworks, all of the butterflies you'd felt for Ellie over the months released into intense bliss. She came with you, your juices mixing together, wetness coating both of your thighs.

The two of you spent the next few minutes catching your breaths, a comfortable silence exchanged. You were collapsed against her, arms around her as she held you close. She was so warm, and it was now a comfort more than a turn-on.

Soon, she spoke up in a soft, quiet murmur just for you.

"I love you too, by the way.."

[shellshocklove]

ok WOW!!!!! i just finished reading this for the first time and i'm speechless! i started reading this way too late, thinking i'd read one chapter before bed just to check it out. fast forward five chapters it was, and i'm not kidding 06.30am, and i was in a concerning "only one more chapter and i'll go to bed"-situation. anyways i fell asleep, woke up way too few hours later still thinking about these two, and thinking of them i did until i finally could read the rest before bed.

your writing is so beautiful! lots and lots of beautiful sentences and smart description. it's so clear you have a love for reading, and know your stuff when it comes to literature and mythology. in one of the warnings you said this story was self-indulgent and there is nothing better than a self-indulgent story. you so clearly put your heart and soul into this, and it's so lovely to read. it makes me so happy bc that joy shines through, hiding between the lines.

reading this felt like when i read "the secret history" for the first time. i couldn't put that book down either. i saw you reference it in this series, and i knew i was right in my feeling of this story. in a way it felt catered to my interests. like in the last part where you included joni. and as someone with a joni mitchell url (and someone who's had a joel story inspired by "for the roses" on the wip backburner for a while now), she's a big inspiration to me and i love her music. when you directly mentioned my favorite song on blue "the last time i saw richard" and the line "all romantics meet the same fate someday" i knew i was gonna be in my feelings later 😭

the story arc you've put them through has been delicious to read. the perfect balance between hot and filthy smut, and feelings that made my heart ache in the best way (and i mean. i've stopped and read a paragraph again bc i needed to really feel it in my chest). you've written the impending doom and tragedy of their relationship so well. it's hidden in every part, blowing air into a balloon ready to pop at any minute. the push and pull of the early chapters, of the "we shouldn't be doing this" to the "i can't quit you" (<- also a brokeback mountain reference or am i trippin'?).

the chapters in new york i think are my favorite. the freedom they had there to explore their blooming relationship, but again also the tragedy of how they could only be free there with no hiding :(( i knew it was coming in the last chapter. when rachel's advances got turned down by joel in new york i knew it was gonna be her that caught them. that last line broke me </3 idk i'm hoping rachel and joel's pre-existing relationship can help this in any way. rachel is hurt, but could she do that to joel? could she do that to the man she loves, even if he loves another? maybe the tragedy is that her love for him is what dooms his and reader's relationship </3

anyway, long story short, i loved this very very much! you have a gift for writing, and i'm so happy you wrote this! thank you!! <3

a lover’s pinch | masterlist

professor!joel miller x f!reader

pairing: professor!joel miller x f!reader rating: explicit, 18+ minors dni series summary: a one-night stand with a charming texan turns into something much more thrilling when you discover he is your new college professor. joel miller is entirely off limits. but now that you’ve had a taste, will you be able to keep your hands to yourselves? series warnings/tags: au, university professor joel, age gap [20 something years diff], alcohol consumption, ethically dubious relationship due to inherent power imbalance, explicit smut, angst, secret relationship, joel has both his daughters, joel's profession is very ooc but the core of his personality [grumpy], lore [dilf], mannerisms [being a secret softy] etc etc are all as true to character as my two humble hands can manage. explicit warnings included in each part. main masterlist ziggy's moodboard | ziggy’s moodboard II sil's moodboard ALP playlist

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten |

╰┈➤ night breeze [an ALP interlude set between seven & eight]

[s-4pphics]

soul ties. part I (e.w.)

SYNOPSIS: a product of brokenness. WORD COUNT: 13.4K WARNINGS: ellie’s a painter/art dealer, heavy angst[oc is suicidal and has dissociative episodes + abusive parents/SEXUAL ABUSE(nothing explicitly written but aluded to) + patriarchy/men being predatory/traditionalist households + mentions of cheating + alcoholism + disordered eating/self-harm(cuticle picking) + thoughts of murder + mommy issues/daddy issues + parental grief + homophobia + more patriarchy but with dykes + unhealthy relationships with sex(coping) + brief mention of masturbation + sexual tension + making out + fondling + slapping + DUBCON + just matching freaks to avoid trauma], miscommunication, just 2 socially inept crash outs lol  A/N: hellloo lol. fixed plot bc im venting… s been a very rough few months. i was convinced i lost my very acute skill so uhhh consider this a test. uhh what else… idk when i’ll be back bc im now a piano player #NEWFOUNDESCAPISM LOL.  suggestion: this technically could b read alone but if u care ab context read this first. then this. that is all LOL byeee :p hi taggies we back: @dyk3ang3l @acidblum @mellifluousgirll @elliesatchel @callmewhenyoukan @natgf123 @elliesstella @spaceforescape @floridaopal @lonelyfooryouonly @ellies-converse @amiorca @darkerstarsstuff

fuck the bitch that made this game.  dont buy his shit.

aid links from my inbox: one, two, three, four

What to do, what to do… 

Ellie is a wreck. An agitated, craving, mess. 

What to do… Love your wife, fuck the daylights out of your wife, kill your wife before she kills you… What to do… 

It can’t be that hard to hide a body. Is it still murder if it’s self-defense? Ellie’s sure the next bath you run for her will either be filled with bleach or result in her being forced underwater until she’s lifeless. There are lots of people willing to get their hands dirty for her if that’s the case. Not a trace of you or her would be left and she’d finally be able to escape with only the clothes on her back. The weightlessness in her pockets wouldn’t move her in any way. Nothing compares to freedom. What a suffocating life she lives. 

The guest room mattress becomes less and less plush every time she lays in it. The sheets are itchier and cold and she’s stuck pondering with each swirl of the ceiling fan, wet hair wrapped in a bath towel; restless, fidgety, and honey-like ache in the pit of her stomach, mind warped with lecherous thoughts of her wife that she despises but not as much, her supposed life partner and fuck, how did you two get here…

Stuck with a tension so thick it permeates your home; if you’d even call it that. You’re both successfully trapped between your own walls; Elegant windows take the place of rusted, metal bars that confine you from the life you both dreamed of before all this; one soft and doting and colorful, one where your light isn’t dulled. 

Why does she feel so guilty, suddenly? You’re not lovers, and neither in love, so why does her chest ache with every glance she steals when you’re unassuming? The pain that’s always etched on your face, and if not, in your eyes — fills her with regret. She would abandon you for days — weeks at a time, not at all concerned about what you might be experiencing to rid herself of shame. And to think that you were merely a younger version of your mother; villainous and cruel and greedy when… when you’ve barely spoken. She finds herself, unfortunately, reminiscing on how bushy-tailed you were after marriage. So eager to please and prick her mind and annoyingly mechanical. You cooked at the same time everyday. Cleaned, did both your laundry, sunbathed, swam in your pool. She hated how rehearsed your lifestyle was; it reminds her of the worst parts of her childhood. When her mother was alive. So, Ellie chose to step out on you the second you took her last name; ravaged other women, released her anger and desires on strangers when she should’ve had you beneath, above, on your knees for her. Where has that craving to harm you gone? For months, she’s ached for your suffering to mirror hers, but now… What’s happening to her? What’s happened to you? 

Ellie believes you’ve lost it, and somehow she’s found herself chasing that unforeseen part of you; unfiltered and angry and wild. This manufactured doll your mother molded you into is shattering at the core and Ellie craves to see more of you. Guilty. As hurt as you were, that night was the most alive she’s seen you be. You shouted and cried and tore at the seams, desperate for someone to hear you, and Ellie did. Loud and clear. She saw you for what you are. Mangled from the inside out, entirely hopeless. Just like she is. An unspeakable link that binds the two of you.

Soul ties. 

She shook and pleaded for you to enter the bathroom and see her battered against the shower wall with a hand between her legs and your name dripping from her lips, but the knob never twisted. Her orgasms were unsatisfactory, and she accepted with irritation that it was because you weren’t there. She ignored the throbbing between her legs and vacated the bathroom. Ellie, with legs that trembled, found you wrapped in satin and snoring. They sounded like whistles. 

She stood for a while, just watching you twitch and wiggle in your rest, eyes glazing to the space beside you that could easily fit another body. The sheets are already warm from where you lay. The two of you have never slept in the same room, let alone bed. 

Her feet carried her out. Silently left the room with an unfamiliar ache in her chest. 

Her mind made an enemy out of you because that’s what you are. When she thought her life couldn’t get any worse, you appeared and destroyed everything in her path. Left her world in ruins. Disrupted her pattern. You’re an enemy and deserve to hurt. 

Aren’t you? Don’t you? 

Everything is unclear. Ellie hasn’t been this conflicted since she was 15. She wishes she could sleep forever so she wouldn’t be forced to think. 

If she had any sense left, she would paint her agony away. In the past, her mind would shut down with every splash of color on a canvas to compensate for the darkness that conjured in her mind. She refrains from that now, though. She’s horny; scared she’ll start imagining what your pussy looks like and sketch it all over the bedroom walls. That’d be too much; a boundary that will remain untouched.

But her brain knows she’s not a good person; she can’t help but imagine how gorgeous your pussy is because you are and she’s known that since the beginning, the second she saw you drenched in white. Drenched in sorrow. 

She clutches your wedding band in her palm. 

What to do… what to do… 

Birds are artists. 

They never fail to sing every morning; sonnets aimed to awaken life as sun rays spill from behind mountains. You've always appreciated their tunes whenever you were pulled from a hollow rest, no longer surrounded by darkness. 

Maybe it was the routine your mother set for you from young. You were 9 when she first coddled your drowsiness as she shook you awake at five in the morning; the early bird catches the worm, a saying you naively assumed as preparation for the day, for your homeschooling. An energy booster, possibly. Motivation. Something to get you through. 

How stupid could a child be? 

You were 12 when your cycle started. You were 12 when you realized that your mother never envisioned actual birds and worms like you had. Your mother has games she plays and she cheats. She’s had you on a leash for the past decade; the scars around your neck are forever a reminder of the hell you’ve endured under her hand. It took no effort on her part to be uncaring of your suffering, and somehow that aches more than anything else. 

Even more than the existence of him. A demon walking.

Animals aren’t like your family. Birds aren’t. The minute specks of sunlight begin, their job starts, and they complete it happily without compensation or praise or the slightest acknowledgment. Everyone wakes, and they fly to anywhere to wake the next. 

But wealth is dirty. Wealth makes people dirty. They swindler and lie and experience life with a vacancy that’ll never be filled with anything but greed. Your mother trained you for years to accept whatever was given as long as you were taken care of. Play your part, she’d say. It took you years to learn her strategy — and unlearn yourself — but you’re here. Married. Successful by association. Rich. Unhappy. Unloved. 

Birds guided you. They never shy from their duty, and you hadn’t either… 

But you’re human. You crack and cry and scream and you hate. You despise so strongly that you lash out and everything in your path becomes victimized. Sometimes it gets to a point where you crave blood. You want to drown in it, drink it until you’re sick. Your soul is dead. Everyones’ should die with yours. 

You don’t know who should go first. Your mother, your stepfather, or your wife. 

You want to swallow Ellie whole—

“Good morning.” 

You’ve never seen Ellie not dolled up. She clearly just awakened with her wrinkled MILFS ONLY shirt and sporadic hair. Timidity doesn’t suit Ellie. You're so used to seeing her exasperated. Her weary eyes don’t meet yours. You should tell her your plans to adopt a hummingbird. Or maybe you shouldn’t. She might laugh at you.

“Hello.” 

“… Hi.” She seems like she wants to say something. You sip your coffee. 

“My dad called.” 

You hum around the rim of your mug. “Woke you up?” 

She merely shrugs. “I uh… did anyone tell you about tomorrow?” 

“Of course not.” 

You don’t expect Ellie to flinch at your tone. You weren’t that sharp, were you?

You might’ve been because she slows her speech. Like she’s approaching a wounded animal, “Dad’s hosting a dinner. Corporate bullshit but we have to go.” 

“Why.” 

She squints at you. “Why what.” 

“Why do we have to go.” Your mug lands on the table harder than expected. 

“To make mommy and daddy look good.” She sneers while approaching her seat, “Did you forget?” 

“I just thought they wouldn’t want two dykes contaminating their spaces anymore.” 

Ellie snorts. “They don’t. Companies do. Gets their cocks hard. Two gay daughters, how progressive!” She mocks and plops on the chair directly across from you, wiping at her eyes. Your throat dries when you notice her wedding band. She hardly ever wears it. You don’t know where you left yours. Since when does she care to wear it? “They’ll do anything they can to get on their good side. They’re… merging organizations or whatever the fuck he said.” 

She swallows. Shrugs uncaringly, “We going?” Her eyes watch your hands squeeze your mug. 

“Are we.” 

She regards your cup with caution. Does she think you’ll throw it? The thought nearly makes you laugh. 

“Yes.” She answers. 

“Okay.” 

Your wife finally looks up and stands, nose upturned, “Okay? That’s all you got?” 

“Yes. Okay.” You sip silently. Your foot taps on hardwood. 

“Excited to see your family? You like ‘em now?” 

Excited is laughable. 

“No, I don’t.” 

The sudden calamity from your wife confuses you. She tugs at the strands that flop on her head in agitation. They look soft as they bounce with her pacing. You’ll never feel them. Or you might later. Who knows with her. Who knows with you. 

Ellie’s still talking. Her arms flail like she’s annoyed by you. You’re not sure why. You’re following. You’re allowing her to guide. To control. That’s the entire point of this. That’s why you’re going to dinner with her. She told you to go and that’s it. 

Play your part play your part play yo—

You don’t remember much of anything; the past, the present, but you recall what Ellie sounds like when she’s angry, whether it’s at you, her father, the woman her father is fucking or married to or whatever. If you’d listen, you’ll discover what ticked her off, but your ears ring too loud. Much louder than her screaming. 

You sip your coffee silently. Ellie leaves you at the dining table with a slam of a door. 

You think it’s the first floor’s guest room. 

The sun sets. Ellie can’t remember the last time she’s been home this long. 

She hates the weekends. The gallery is never open and she can’t drown herself in deals. She hates being home when you are. Why the fuck are you always here? You don’t have friends, a job, a life outside of this goddamn house? There’s a sinking in her stomach at the thought of your isolation, but she ignores it. Tries to ignore it.

… Can’t really ignore it. How pestering. You’re a pest. 

She knows nothing about you, only bits of your past expressed through photographs at your mother’s or outbursts in your bedroom. Your stepfather is fucking creepy and your mother’s glare is killer, but that’s about it. Still, she doesn’t think she can hate your parents more than you. 

You’re so fucking weird. Just like them. Unforgiving and unchaste one day then apathetic the next. How the fuck can one communicate with a person like that? 

That feeling in her chest again. Sharp and annoying. Try try try, it says. Begs from her. 

Try and do what? Do fucking what—

It took Ellie 3 seconds to unlock the guest room door and fly down the stairs when a crash rings from the first floor. Glass clatters and you sound in pain and oh fuck did someone break in

There’s red all over the kitchen floor but it’s not blood it’s red wine. Red wine red wine it’s not blood— 

You’re on the kitchen floor surrounded by green shards and dressed so pretty. Hair coiled and free and your face is done up and you’re wearing flowers. There’s flowers all over and your skin shines and why do you have heels on like a play doll?

Ellie palms at the scattered racing of her heart. Everything’s fine, her brain blares, She tripped, that’s it. Clears her throat. Rustles her hair to appear normal. 

She’s not dead. 

“… You good?” 

An unsteady hand rises to throw her a thumbs up. Your body wobbles when you attempt to stand. Ellie ushers to the counter to slide on her slippers, tells you to stop when your palm nearly plants on a shard. 

“Move back before you hurt yourself.” Ellie takes a quick lap around the kitchen for the broom and dustpan. Finds you just as quickly so you don’t accidentally slice an artery. 

Your lashes flutter and her heart follows suit, taking in the mess. “I think I fucked up.” You croak.

Hearing you curse is always odd. She huffs, “It’s fine. Can you stand?” 

Your head shakes and your bottom lip juts. “My… my shoes…”

You slowly plop onto your bottom and rest your back against the dishwasher. You struggle to grip your buckles to pull and slide the strap and Ellie remembers why she hates heels. She sweeps the glass away from you and realizes she should’ve mopped first because the bristles are soaked and streaking the clean parts of the crystal porcelain. When was the last time she cleaned? The maids always do. Sometimes you help. 

You look stunned when Ellie moves to squat in front of you. Jumps back when she adjusts your ankle. 

Her palms hang in surrender, “I’m gonna help you. Relax. Do your knees hurt?” 

You landed right on them. They should. You don’t disarm, eyes guarded and body locked tight, but you shrug. It’s good enough for Ellie. 

She unravels the buckles around both your ankles and tosses them next to you and you just watch. Ellie’s glances are quick and flitting, but she follows the traces of her hands; the sharp inhales whenever her fingers brush against the skin of your leg. You’re not as close as you were last night but she can smell you. Her chest is throbbing. You look like you’re about to cry but you’re drunk. It’s meaningless. Drunk people cry. 

Try try try try 

“Can you stand now?” She croaks. 

It takes a second for you to register her inquiry, but you shrug, and she sighs. When Ellie stands, both her hands extend out to you, but you don’t accept them; She gets jittery under your scrutinizing gaze after nearly a minute passes. Her throat dries and her face burns when you brush her hands away; standing on your own is an unstable journey, but you do, back against the counter to stabilize yourself. You look ill. Your brain must be jumbled. 

“Can you get upstairs on your own?” 

“You talk a fucking lot. Shut up.”  

The corner of Ellie’s mouth rises, but she says nothing. Gives you space to move. 

You take one step, then two more, then your eyes shut and your throat jumps. Uh oh.

“Oh shit, come—“

Ellie guides you to the garbage can near the front of the counter, away from the glass, and you dry heave. Liquid splatters inside the can and Ellie hates this so fucking much. The sounds are enough to make her own stomach lurch. It’s been a while since she’s been around someone this drunk. 

But she holds your waist so you don’t faceplant into your own vomit. 

“Get it out,” She hums with a grimace, “You’re fine.” An I gotcha almost rolls off her tongue but she catches it. She glides a comforting hand over your curved spine because you’re drunk and you won’t remember such gestures in the morning. She prefers it that way. 

You’re not gagging anymore so Ellie removes herself from you. Until she hears a whimper. And a sob so quiet she assumes you’re trying to mask it. Drunk people cry; she’s seen it countless times. Why does that seering feeling spark in her chest for what felt like the billionth time today? Fucking try, for fucks sake! 

“Let’s… let’s get you—“

“I wish I was dead.” 

Your prayer is hollow. Not even sad despite your tears. So, so empty. Ellie’s seen this before, experienced that nothingness countless times, but despite it all, she never learned how to console. Hell, she barely knows how to self-soothe without falling victim to her dark temptations. Even her paint brushes can’t eliminate the constant ache she feels. She just watches the tremble of your shoulders from behind. 

“I really don’t wanna go tomorrow.” You whisper. 

Ellie sighs. There’s no other choice. You know the stakes; follow your families’ commands or lose everything at the drop of a hat. They’ll leave you both on the streets to rot with no remorse if they please, replace the two of you with two normal children. Het children that won’t deviate. You’re both on thin ice as it is. Mainly because of Ellie. She can’t seem to keep herself out of trouble.

“I…” 

I’ll be with you the entire time. I don’t like being around those cunts either. 

“It’ll go by quickly.” She settles. 

“I hate when p-people look at me.” 

“Me too.” 

“I wish my family loved me.” 

Ellie’s softer now. Only slightly. 

“Yeah…” 

A tug in her ribcage. Try. Please, try. 

“Me too.” 

The pounding beneath your skull wakes you quicker than the birds. You shove your face in the pillow you rest on. 

The devil tells you to check the time so you do. The bedside clock says noon, meaning a new day, meaning it’s Saturday meaning you’ll die. Maybe not physically but mentally. You’re so drained and you’ve barely opened your eyes; the idea of leaving bed alone is enough to exhaust you. Your wrists and legs ache like fucking hell on top of that. 

You make fists with both hands. Repeatedly clench and unclench. The weight is different on your wedding finger. Heavier. You haven’t seen your ring since yesterday… or a few days ago — you’re not really sure. You must’ve found it in your drunken stupor. Just when you hoped to never see it again. 

The universe will always remind you who you are. 

If you stand you’ll vomit but your phone is ringing from the drawer you stuck it in weeks ago. How is it not dead? You know your mom’s calling. You hate that she is… 

The ringing stops and you thank the heavens. 

You curse them when it starts up again. 

The drawer slides open with reluctance. The ringing sounds 20 times louder. You retrieve your device blindly and your throat snaps shut when you speak. 

“You rang.” 

“Did your… partner tell you about tonight.” 

Hard and distant. That’s how she speaks to you. Your heart cracks. 

Your mom already knows Ellie did. She loves to bother you with nonsense. You don’t think she’s ever called Ellie your wife. 

“Yes.” 

“You’re attending.” 

“Yes.” 

“Good.” 

“Is that all.” 

“Your gown was delivered here. Come by well before 8 to get ready.” 

And she hangs up. Just like that. Always. She’s never told you to have a nice day, or to rest well, or that she loves you, at the minimum. And if she had, you don’t remember any of it. There’s a lot you force yourself to forget. 

The selfish part of you disregards the burning of your eyes to stare at your phone — low battery and… no messages. No texts, no phone calls from anyone except your mother, no likes on Instagram because your mom scared you into not making one when you were a teenager. No one cares about you. People care about your wife, though. Maybe because she’s talented; she’s certainly not nice. 

Your darkest memories are always the most prominent. 

Your phone drops to the floor and you don’t reach for it. You just pray to sleep again. 

Tonight will be interesting. 

The ride to your mother’s is silent. 

At least she chauffeured the two of you. Ellie can be scary when she drives. You’ve never been in a car with her, but she did ram into a lamppost on the sidewalk a few nights after your wedding. 

Your wife is already dressed despite the party being hours away. She sits right next to you in all black; in a trenchie and turtleneck and slacks and loafers with fur and gold jewelry. When she descended the staircase, you gawked when she wasn’t looking. So simple, but she had your heart fluttering when she’d asked, ready? You’re still in your sleep shorts, teeth unbrushed and starving. When was the last time you ate? 

What an embarrassment — you’re an embarrassment, but you can’t bring yourself to care anymore. If only newly wed you could see herself now. 

You swallow a lump when you feel eyes on the side of your face, but yours remain glued out the window. The closer you get to your mom’s, the faster your mind starts to shut down. Everything passes you by in a blur. 

By the time the gates with your father’s initials come into view, your thoughts go silent, only filled with the calming images of nature and the song of birds. Your only escapism. 

The only way you’ll make it out of here in one piece. 

Ellie! Darling! We’ve missed you! Give us a smile! 

Ellie! Ellie, look this way! 

Ellie, where’s your wife? 

She wishes she knew. You’d barely made it into your mother’s home before getting swept down the hall by 4 other people who poked at your appearance. Ellie didn’t even get to give your mom the passive, spine-chilling hi, mom like old times before another SUV came to whisk her away from that hell hole. Her dad always knows somehow. 

She hates being at your mom’s; it’s stifling and quiet and the aura is dark. Like mother, like house or whatever the fuck. 

She scowls when the bombarding questions redirect to you. Some concerning, some sarcastic, some raunchy — those get under her skin in particular — and she can’t stop fiddling with her ring. Her chest tugs tugs tugs. 

Trouble in paradise? 

You were caught leaving the bar with another woman on your arm a few weeks ago! How’d your wife react to that? 

She doesn’t know. She’s never home to see you break. 

Guilt ate at her when the door of your mother’s mansion shut behind her, but she disregards it now. You shouldn’t be forced to listen to their guised jabs; You get enough of that from everyone in your life. She hopes you’ll go through the back entrance when you arrive. 

When will you get here? 

Ellie’s never made an event appearance without you. You’d pose and fidget and display awkward affection so that they’d buy your love a little bit, then enter the gathering as two separate hearts, riddled and torn, never to cross paths until the bustle is over and it’s time to go home. 

Finally, security moves and barricades her until she gets past the 20 foot gate and treads the steps. The flashing cameras are still blinding from behind. 

The tended garden is the first thing she notices. Wide and green. The daisy and rose bushes are no longer tangled with weeds and surrounded by dead grass and gnats. How could Joelene not see that and be vengeful? Ellie and her dad may not be close anymore, but she knows him; maybe even more than he knows himself. He still misses her mom after everything, and chooses to express it through her favorite hiding spot. Keeps the flowers that bloom and trims the ones that don’t so she lives through them. Ellie hardly remembers a time when her mother wasn’t covered in dirty overalls and sunburnt. 

She manages to hold it together when the large double doors open. The violins suddenly sound like nails on wood. 

Voices fade into nothing. People are outside your car. Light hurts so terribly. 

One second you’re here, the next you’re not. Your mom and her husband sit across with twined arms and the lace from your dress is itchy and you wanna disappear. When you blink, you’re gone. You only exist on this plain if your eyes are open. 

Something hard and leather brushes against your ankle, scratches against your stockings, slow and snake-like. You know what it is, who it is, and you freeze, eyes locked onto your mother. No matter your hopelessness, there’s still a young girl in you that wishes your mother would defend, act on anger, be disgusted at minimum. At least when his crimes are done in secret you can’t blame her for not knowing. 

But you’re here and she’s here and he’s here. A shared secret between the three of you. 

His shoe doesn’t halt on your leg. Your mother never looks at you. 

Birds and songs and sonnets. You’re a bird and you can fly against the strongest winds. Music is your guide and you follow the clouds. 

Your fingers twist together in your lap and the black interior of the car glows red. If only… he’s not the only one with sick intentions. If only. 

You’re flying you’re flying you can fly and there’s someone who’ll love you gently. They’re out there somewhere and you’ll find them and they’ll find you like every trial was worth it. 

Patience. That’s all you need. Just be patient. 

The rest of the car ride is unbeknownst to you. Next thing you know, your door is being opened and two men await your entry at the glass door. 

Champagne is good. Tequila is better. The two mixed is hell. 

Ellie’s throat burns and her mind swirls but she plays it off well enough. Mingles with pensive, old bastards while their daughters’ gawk at her with bright-eyed curiosity and you haven’t arrived yet. 

She lost her dad somewhere in the night. He greeted her briefly upon her arrival, pointed out the important men of the night, called your mother a selfish bitch, then walked off with his mistress by his side. Ellie’s eyes keep meeting the back door from the living room. 

Where are you? 

“Ellie!”

She downs the rest of her chute and guards her agitation with a grin. Shakes the hand of… 

What the fuck was this dude’s name? 

“It’s an honor! Your art is incredible! I’ve truly—“

—Fucking Ronald? Reginald? … Ronald might be it—

“—Your father, ya know, he’s an interesting man, incredibly smart! I’ve never—“

Her dad gave her a run-down of the … merging or whatever the fuck but what the fuck did he say and holy shit, is she sweating? The man’s handshake threw her off, frankly; almost snapped her wrist in two. Fucking old piece of shit. More business jargon that she pretends to understand and care so much about because it’s a show after all. All cheers and stiff laughter. 

“And your wife! By God, what a looker!”

Her jaw clenches. Where are you where are you where are you

“What we’d give, I mean, c’mon!” Men that pass laugh with him and it’s taking everything in Ellie not to smash this glass over his head. One quick swing and it’s over. For him and her. How promising.

“Where is she anyway? You two didn’t come together?” 

“She um, she’s with her parents right now. They’ll be here.” She jerks her chin toward the entrance. 

“How lucky are you. Treat her like the star she is!” It looks like the shithead’s leaving, but not before taunting, “Holler when she arrives, will ya?” 

And just like that, he leaves Ellie to simmer. Three deep breaths. A man in a suit and tray filled with champagne waltzes passed her and she snags two glasses. Downs the first in one thick swallow before another clinks with hers. 

Why does everyone keep fucking with her? 

“Cheers.” 

Ellie doesn’t need to look to know who it is. She scoffs. “Sounds like you’re having fun.” 

Jolene stands next to her, shoulders slouched and dress glowing under the chandelier. She arches a dark brow, “Who wouldn’t? Men are the most entertaining when they’re on ego trips.” 

“Same goes for my dad?” She snips, and Jolene shocks her with a smile. 

“Meh.” 

“Why are you here.” 

“I just told you—“

“No, where are you here.” Ellie gestures between them, “Why’re you talking to me right now?” 

Jolene downs her drink and shrugs, “My attempts at bonding. On a scale of 1 to 10, how shit were they?” 

“900. Leave me the fuck alone.” Before Ellie can run, a hand clamps down on her wrist. 

“I know—“ The woman rushes, “I know we don’t have the best relationship, but I’m not—“

Ellie almost corrects her out of pettiness; They don’t have a relationship, period. There’s no best or worst. But her sudden desperation halts her. 

“—the enemy. There’s not a lot for us in these spaces. I just wanted to try and establish something. Anything. Between us. It can be so lonely without a real support system.”

Ellie hates the direction her heart turns her mind. Suddenly you’re there and you’re crying and clawing at your chest and Ellie just watches like she did that night. So powerless. So empty. 

But Jolene isn’t you. She chooses to be selfish. Yours comes from self preservation and nothing else. 

Ellie snatches her hand back and throws her the deadliest stare. “You don’t know shit about being lonely. You’re the one who gave up everything you had to fuck my dad when my mom wasn’t looking. How much did you care about her loneliness then? Hm?” 

The timing was perfect, really. 15 year old Ellie watched her parents get into one of their most abhorrent arguments; her dad leaves first, then her mom, then only one of them returns, and it was not her mother. Imagine her shock when a news reporter confirmed that her mother’s body had been thrown in a garbage bag and left in a dumpster to rot. It only took two weeks to mourn before he was marrying another woman. 

Nobody cared that her mother had been shot or stabbed or gutted. She was just a woman married to a successor who raised a deviant child. 

Ellie forces herself to not point fingers, though. Anyone could’ve killed her, she always reminds herself; to keep her from going fucking crazy. But timing… 

How telling is time. 

Jolene’s eyes widen and her grip weakens. Ellie takes that as an escape before she has a breakdown in front of the caviar platter. 

She barely takes a step before she collides with a body. 

Funny. 

She bumped right into a star that shines a royal blue. The woman of the hour, for sure. In her mind, at least.

“Sorry.” You whisper.

“You’re fine. All me.” Ellie says lowly as she takes you in, and you do the same to her. Shy, but yearnful glances. Glossed lips tightly sealed and brows tense. Your dress shimmers and holds you snug and she feels guilty for staring at your curvature. She’s suddenly hyper aware of the vultures that disguise themselves as men and she has an instinct to hide you. And your ring is on. The thumping in her chest picks up. Only slightly. 

“It’s great to see you again.” Jolene says shakily from beside Ellie and she almost loses it before a grating voice interrupts. 

“You, as well. And your husband is…?” 

Your mother. And her lap dog wagging his tail beside her. What a bitch. Both of them. 

Your stepdad says something and you inhale sharply and no one notices but Ellie. She studies you carefully. You look like a frightened cat with a frilled tail as he speaks. Claws out, not because you’re ferocious, but so, so scared. She glances at your stepdad; greasy smile while he ogles at Jolene; what a nasty son of a bitch. 

Ellie whispers to you, “Is everything o—“

“Joel! Man of the hour! How are—“

“Where’s the bathroom again?” You whisper back. 

Ellie takes your hand in hers and flees while the family’s distracted, leading you down a hallway that’s way too long with lights too bright. 

She gestures towards the door. “It’s… This is it. One of ‘em at least.” 

“… Thank—“

“What’s the matt—“ 

“I’m fine.” 

“You look like you’ve seen a fucking ghost. Did that piece of shit say something to you?” Ellie glances to make sure no listeners are hiding in the shadows. 

The widest smile grows on your face as you laugh, hearty and loud with your head thrown back. Ellie stares in confusion. 

“Oh, Ellie! You’re so silly,” She jumps when your hands hold her cheeks. You’re fucking freezing and they tremble. Your eyes are a dark void. 

You lean in closer, lips right against her mouth and they part slightly on instinct. She’s concerned and should ask more questions, but your skin is so soft. Are you gonna kiss her, she wonders? You haven’t kissed since your wedding; your breath hits her mouth and her tongue swipes her lips. Her eyes flutter shut and she aches to touch you—

“Save a seat for me, love? Please?” 

It happens so fast; the frost of you is gone and the bathroom door slams shut while an elderly woman fondly whispers, “young love,” as she walks by. Ellie only nods with a rigid curl of her lips, throat cinched too tightly to swallow. 

You puzzle her. She’s tempted to wait for you, to ensure you make it back safely without bombardment, but then 

“Ellie! Why didn’t you call me! Your wife made it safely, I see!” 

A hand claps on her shoulder while men laugh from the side, boisterous and predatory and so wide their fangs show. Ellie’s sick and a war rages within her. 

“Your father sent me to find you! It’s time to eat!” 

She sends them a weak smile. She rushes away from the door and they follow close behind. 

Anything to lure them away from you. 

Attendees have dwindled, only Ellie and her family and you and yours and some CEOs that are really getting on her fucking nerves. But you’ve eaten, thank God. She can breathe a little. 

Only a bit, though. You’re putting on a fucking show and it’s scaring her; Even her dad seems impressed. Charmed by you. Clinking glasses and telling jokes and smiling. Did your mom hold you at gunpoint before you got here? How much did you drink? Not much from what she’s seen. 

That one fucker from earlier — Raymon or Robert or whatever the fuck — keeps leaning over the table whenever you do. Peeping at your chest, probably. She wishes these steak knives were sharper. 

“So! Our young couple,” says Old Bitch with a Combover and wiggly brows, “When are we getting those heirs?” 

You cough uncomfortably and Ellie squirms in her seat. Your mother scoffs, “Two women can’t have children—“

Said Old Bitch shrugs, “Well, not biologically—“

“My point exactl—“

Ellie’s father cuts in with a tense grin, “When they get to that point, we’ll discuss their options. There’s… many nowadays, evidently.” 

Neither you or Ellie interrupt, but she notices you’ve moved closer to her. Inched your seat a bit. You squeeze your hands so hard in your lap she’s scared they’ll shatter where they lay. You’re not smiling anymore. 

Her dad and your mom are subtle with their blows at one another; snarky with brutal stares, unremarkable to strangers, but you and Ellie know. When dinner ends, you’ll both be caught in their crossfire. 

“There’s no shame in me wanting my grandchildren to be by blood. I shouldn’t have to go shopping for an heir.” Your mother hisses. 

“Sh—“ Joel huffs with disgust, “Shopping for an heir? That’s what you think adoption entails?” 

“Does it not?” Your mother’s tone rises. 

Reggie, Rory, or Russell interjects with a dismissive wave, “C’mon, you too! No need to argue. I’m sure girls like them will be fine with obtaining children! It might be more… complicated, I will say!” 

“May I be excused?” You croak, and Ellie straightens. 

“Why? So you can wallow about dying childless?” 

The table silences. No laughter, no wittiness. Completely still. That wasn’t from your mother. Ellie doesn’t remember the last time she’s heard your stepdad speak so clearly. Her blood thrashes beneath her skin so harshly that her tongue unties. There’s a darkness in her that whispers, “grab that steak knife”. Brutalize him. Just for a second. Do it for you. 

Do it for her. 

“Go fuck yourself.” She spits. 

Your neck almost cracks with the speed you turn to her, eyes wide as the moon. Her father condemns, “Watch your mouth, Ellie.” 

“Or what, you old fuck?” 

Her heart rattles noisily in her chest; her hands shake where they rest on her lap, her cells trembling with the instinct to harm. The gaze of her father is distant and filled with inadequacy for his only line. Nothing unbeknownst to her, but there's a flash of something so deep, so forbidden for them, but she sees it every time they hold contact. Beneath all the loathing and lesions left to drain, there’s longing. An inkling of gratitude that she knows he’ll suppress until he’s buried underground. He’ll never look the same to her, and she imagines the same for him. Too many bridges burned. 

“How’d I do?” Ellie rasps to him, “Hm? The night went how you hoped?” 

Look at what you’ve done, she hopes her eyes say. Tears welt against her will. When was the last time she cried in front of him? She hadn’t even given him that honor at her mother’s funeral years ago. 

Ellie’s stiff stature nearly cracks at the light brush atop her knee. A wind catches in her throat when a pinky turns into three fingers, then five, then a palm that squeezes comfortingly, desperately. Maybe partly to keep her glued to this chair. She gulps the dryness down and a flame lights in the pit of her stomach. 

Her glance to you is brief, barely out of the corner of her eye, but you’re watching her. Intensely, and it scorches her cheeks, all the way down to her neck. Scared cat. Scared cat. Shrilled and cold and frightened to hell and she despises it. 

What changed? She’ll always wonder. That look hardly shook her a week ago and now it makes her teeth ache. 

Suddenly, it’s too warm here. 

“Get up,” Ellie rushes you. Grabs your arm and yanks you from your seat, “Not dealing with this fuckin’ bullshit tonight. We’re leaving.” 

There’s suddenly shouting from all directions of the dinner table with each step Ellie takes for you, but you never drop her hand. She clenches it tighter when you finally reach the back door. 

The door slams shut on the wreckage behind you. 

Consider plan MERGE a bust. 

Ellie’s a thief. You think. Maybe. 

Is it stealing if the car belongs to a family member? Where she snagged the keys from? You don’t remember. One second you’re at dinner, then watching the city pass you by the next. It’s silent in here. 

“Stop.” 

You slam back into your body. Still in the car. You wish you were asleep. 

“Huh?” 

Her eyes watch the road, but a hand rests on both of yours to pry them apart. 

“Stop. I hate that sound.” 

“… Wha—“

“You’re gonna rip your skin off if you don’t stop.” 

… Oh. Yeah. Bloody cuticles. It was all accidental, you swear. 

“Sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize.” Her eyes shut briefly and she sighs, sounding so worn. Exhaustion is her white flag. “Just stop.” 

“Alright.” 

“Thanks.” 

It’s quiet again. The red from the stop light reflects in the car and you’re instantly reminded of your stepfather. 

“Ellie.” 

“Hm.” 

“We should get a bird.” 

“… And do what with it.” 

You shrug, “Pet it. Feed it, too.” Sing with it, you wanted to add. Ellie would’ve probably laughed at you. 

She snickers dryly, “That’s usually what you do with a pet.” 

“I never had one.” 

The light turns green and the car revs. Your wife hums, “I had a fish once or twice.” 

“Lucky.” 

A small — very, very minuscule grin quirks Ellie’s lips and your heart hollers. For joy? In warning? 

“Not really. They kept dying so I gave up.” She snickers to herself, and you can’t help but stare. She starts talking then. Eyes gone, tension gone. She’s suddenly relaxed. 

“My mom… she, uh… loved water. Was always in it or… watching it on TV or something. She always bought fish from fucking… PetCo—“

“PetCo?” You laugh, then Ellie does. 

“Right? She’d take me and be like, “get one”. And I went home with a new fish every time.” 

“I thought you only went once or twice?” 

“… Times 100,” She giggles, “My mom lived there. She would always talk to the cats through the glass.” 

You don’t hesitate, “I wanna go.” 

“To PetCo?” 

“Yeah.” Why not? 

Everything is almost over. So, why not? 

“… K.” 

“So we’ll go?” 

“Mhm.” 

And the conversation ends. The car is silent. Suddenly tense again when you ask, 

“Do you think we’re cut off?” 

Ellie’s jaw clenches and the car is suddenly tense. Back to square one. “Possibly. Tonight was a shit show. It went by fast, at least.” 

“What’s gonna happen to me?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’m…”

Alone. You’re fucking alone and know nothing about life outside of what was built around you. Without it, you’ll spiral and fail and face a dreadful reality. No more rose colored glasses even if they’re browned and wilted as is. You’ll be eaten alive by the creatures in the night without a protective border. 

But the curse will end. You won’t inherit or be forced to lie or play a game that ends in fire. Decades of legacy down the drain just like that, and by your own hand. It fascinates you, that power. A force you’ve been withheld from. 

“I don’t know.”

“Still thinking about divorce?” A void in Ellie’s tone. 

“I don’t know.” 

“They’ll never allow it, you know that, right?” 

“What if I just leave?” 

“And do what?” Her voice raises. 

“Who knows. Who cares.” 

“Please,” Ellie exasperates, “Your mom will get fucking SWAT to bring you back.” 

“What good will a corpse do for her?” 

You’ll be dead but you’ll have a bird. A colorful one. That’ll be your legacy. That’s all you need, really. Ellie doesn’t say anything. Neither do you. 

More buildings flash by and suddenly you’re home. Parked in the garage with Ellie beside you, gazing off into opaque walls. You wonder what she’s thinking. If she sees everything in black and white like you do. Maybe she’s the opposite, vision bright and full of suppressed color. She is a painter after all. 

“What’re your plans?” Ellie suddenly whispers. 

“For?” 

“Life. The future. Anything,” She pries and digs for something, “There has to be something that interests you! That gets you excited! There’s so much shit to do.” 

You shrug. Not much. Not anything. 

“I used to be excited for my wedding,” You mumble, “Like… as a kid. White dress and flowers and everyone’s just excited to be there. For love, and whatever, you know? That’s how it was in movies, at least.” It’s embarrassing to admit, but it’s off your chest. The unhealthy romanticization of the happiest day of your life ended up being just another day to honor the greed of your families. Everyone was so lifeless when they watched you and Ellie kiss. It hadn’t even lasted 3 seconds before she shoved the band on your finger with teary cheeks. Such beautiful scenery was wasted on misery. 

You look over and Ellie’s eyes are roaring, palms squeezing together in her lap while her wedding ring twists around her finger. You watch it cycle. 

“Now I…” You chuckle sadly, “I just want a bird, to be honest.” 

With your heels and purse in hand, the car door opens and you exit, forcing yourself not to peek through the windshield at Ellie again. 

The second floor, your bedroom, your bathroom, are all quiet. Did Ellie not follow you inside? For a while, you envision what it would be like if you weren’t married. If you weren’t born as you, would your world be this still? 

It haunts you in the shower. Wolffish eyes and dry hands grasping at your shoulders and waist but everything’s quiet. 

You wash your face, brush your teeth, wrap your hair alone. You wonder if anyone is actually in the house. Was Ellie a figment of your imagination? Is this one of the nights that proves she doesn’t exist and that your brain is your greatest enemy? You shove your face into the mattress before your thoughts venture. Silence rocks you to sleep, but not forgetting the taunting desire to know 

Is death this quiet? 

Your mom’s calling. 

Vibrations rattle in your bedside dresser. The sun isn’t up yet. The birds are still resting. She never calls this early… or late. Something bad must’ve happened. It takes 17 seconds for your drawer to stop shaking before it starts again. 

You can’t move to answer, though. Your body isn’t yours at the moment. Your soul will reclaim its shell soon enough. Or maybe it won’t. 

Your drawer shakes shakes shakes. Your heartbeat eventually matches the pace of its vibrations. You think it’s been 20 minutes. Maybe longer. When will the birds wake? 

Finally, the calls stop. Your eyes shut again. Instantly taken by darkness. 

You never wear normal clothes. 

Ellie’s only ever seen you in thousand dollar dresses and high heel shoes that scrape your achilles and cloth that squeezes you so tight she thinks she might explode by just looking at you. No matter how fucking good you look in them. 

So what the fuck is that? Moreso, why does she like it so much? Her cheeks are on fucking fire and her heart is trying to flee its enclosing. 

You have a t-shirt on. A simple, non-Gucci white tee that says LAS VEGAS and black shorts and a scarf on your head and socks with squirrels on them. Is this the fucking matrix? 

You never wake up this late, either. It’s 20 till 10. 

“Did my mom call you at all?” 

No… no she didn’t… Why can’t Ellie speak? She’s sitting there gaping like a fish and taking guilty glances at your nipples through your shirt. She shakes her head. You nod yours. 

“I uh…” She mumbles with a cotton mouth when you step into the kitchen, “I made coffee.” 

“I smelled it.” You serve yourself at the counter. 2 Splenda packs, no cream.

“Did your mom call you?” 

“Yes.” 

“What’d she say?” 

“I didn’t answer.” 

… Interesting. Odd. Her calls are never missed by you. 

“I hope it’s something bad.” 

Ellie swallows her sip thickly. “… Damn. Why?” 

“She deserves it.” You say calmly while stirring. “He does, too.” 

“Your dad?” 

“My stepfather,” You hiss and slam your mug on the table. Ellie flinches, “Yes.” 

Her palms raise in surrender, “Sorry.” 

“Where do you go at night?” The chair across from her scrapes on hardwood when you sit. 

Nowhere, recently. Ellie shrugs as nonchalantly as she can, “Anywhere. Wherever I want.” 

“Take me next time.” 

She pauses her sip to ogle. “Hm?” 

“Take me. I wanna see what’s fun for you.” 

Ellie huffs a shocked laugh, “No, you don’t.” 

You squint, “Yes, I do. That’s why I’m asking to see.” 

“It’s not your scene, dude, trust m—“

She jolts where she sits when a hand — your hand, soft and agile and cold, slams down on the table, rattling both your mugs and the vase that holds dead flowers, nearly shattering the glass with an accusatory finger. 

“You dunno know shit about me! I’m fucking going whether you like it or not! Whether she likes it or not, and if I have to do it myself, I fucking will, you fucking psychotic fucking bitch!” 

You rise and stomp to where she sits with a pounding heart and a lecherous swirl in her gut. You look about ready to slice her open with a blunt butter knife. 

“You treat me like fucking trash just like everyone else,” You whisper venomously, and Ellie shakes, “The least you could do is listen for once. Scared to take me to the place you cheat on me at? Don’t want me to see it? That’d be too real, huh?” 

Ellie exhales a shaky breath of your name, but your nails, cut and manicured to perfection, sink into her cheeks so tightly that she winces and blushes and her tummy twists with heat. You don’t flinch when her fingers delicately entangle around your wrist; doesn’t want you to think she’s holding you there even though she is. 

“You’re gonna show me a good time tonight. If it’s as fun as you say, that shouldn’t be an issue, right?” 

Her eyes must read yes, yes, it’s not a problem; Your grin is wild like a hyena; pretty lips swelled around pretty teeth and you always smell good. Caramelized sugar and nectar.  

“Who knows,” You purr and Ellie feels goosebumps forming, “Maybe I can meet one of your little friends.” 

She chokes around a gasp before her lips curl into a conniving grin, cheeks plush around your fingers, “Aren’t you a little hussy.” 

“Fuck you.” You shove her so hard her back collides with the seat but her eyes glow pink. She watches you leave the kitchen and stomp up the steps with a burning chest until a door slams from upstairs. She releases a breath she didn't realize she was holding, wracked and desperate. 

-

-

-

Ellie will never admit — or maybe she will, but she purposefully uses your shared bathroom to catch glimpses at you. She always expects to find you out cold and wrapped in warm blankets, chest fluttering with each twitch of your socked feet that peek from below the blankets. 

What she doesn’t expect to see, though, is your phone shattered to pieces and left to drown in the clogged sink. Right next to a weighted rubber mallet; Where’d you find that? All your pent up emotions were taken out on your device… and the counter, apparently. The marble is chipped. 

She can only laugh in astonishment. Amazement. Fear when she realizes… 

Your mom.

Did you ever answer the phone?

Another day you’ve slept away. Either you were dreaming or someone was holding you suffocatingly tight; you enjoyed it, strangely. The sun is completely gone and there’s rustling and music echoing from the bathroom. Ellie’s in there. 

All the blood rushes to your head with how quickly you sit up, but your feet carry you past your closets until the light from the room sizzles your vision. 

Your wife stands by the mirror, drying her hair with a towel with a cigarette between her fingers. The guitar synths coming from her phone are grinding in your ears. 

Is she really keeping her promise? 

Did she promise to take you? You don’t remember. 

“Hi.” Her eyes meet yours in the mirror and your spine twitches. You say nothing, so she chuffs with a teasing lift of her lips, “Chickenin’ out?”

“No.” 

“K.” 

“What do I wear?” 

She shrugs, “Whatever you want to.” She speaks around smoke and her timbre’s dry. 

“What are you wearing?” 

“Whatever I want to.” 

She must sense your skepticism because she’s suddenly reassuring, voice crackly, “You’re not under any expectations tonight. You wanted me to show you what I do for fun, and I’m gonna. You just have to do your part and enjoy it.” 

Your nails dig into your thighs while you watch her. She has her ring on and her body wash coats the room in cinnamon. With a pounding heart, your hands slowly drag up your sides, fingers dragging at the hem of your shirt. She’s not looking. 

Enjoy it…

“Did you eat today?” 

“No.” 

She gives you a look. Stern. What is she mad about? Your tummy flutters, “There’s leftovers downstairs, you can have ‘em,” She shakes her wet hair and puts on her glasses, checks her watch, checks her phone, hits her cigarette. “We’re kinda behind so you should get read—“

Enjoy it. 

Her eyes meet where your shirt drops to the floor, breasts on display while your hands inch up your legs to drag your shorts down, all while you watch her. And she watches you. It’s overwhelming, your wife as an audience while you undress. But she told you to enjoy it. Enjoy the night. Enjoy the stares. Enjoy the attention. Enjoy her, for once. It all seeps into your pores. You step out of your bottoms and peel your socks off. 

Ellie drinks you in slowly. Says nothing. Simply takes her time memorizing every line, curve, dip, scar of you. You like how ravenous she looks. The sin in her pupils only darkens when your thumbs hook in your underwear to shed them. They dangle from your index finger when you walk; You smile when her throat jumps. 

She watches your filled hand travel to her pant pocket to shove the flimsy cloth in. The muscles in her back twitch when your finger traces her spine. Ellie’s pretty, littered in cute, red and brown spots. 

“I’m gonna shower.” Your lips brush her ear, and goosebumps rise all over her arms. Her eyes flutter in a pleasant blink, nodding in understanding. 

Your wife takes her lighter and reignites your favorite candle while your water warms. How sweet of her to set the mood for you. 

Ellie finishes her cigarette while you lather, watching her through the fogged glass of the shower walls, massaging soapy hands into your breasts and your legs and everywhere. She lights another at some point, bent over the counter while she smokes, ogling you through the mirror shamelessly. You smile when it settles in your chest.

You’re gonna fuck your wife tonight. 

What a fucking oddball you are. It’s cute. A little sexy, too. Only a little, she swears. 

… Fuck. 

She waits for you on the bed, dressed and jewelried, fiddling with her watch out of nerves because what the fuck are you playing at? Whiplash; that’s what she’s had all fucking day because of you. She works in the morning, for fucks sake. 

Still…

Does she deserve this sudden… What the fuck even is this? Certainly not affection; you nearly strangled her at the dining table. Attention, possibly? Seduction? She’s wired to hell, she wants you so bad. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

She could act on her attraction, sure. She’s positive you’d allow her to take whatever she wanted because that’s what you’re trained to do; to satisfy your partner — husband, she imagines your mother grating — in any way he desires. But Ellie’s not a man, and she doesn’t want that. She needs you to love it, to crave it as much as she does. To take from her like she dreams of taking from you. Ellie needs you to batter her, and if you’d like, she’ll do the same to you. 

If only you’d give her something tangible. Teasing isn’t enough. She’s desperate to get a grasp on your headspace; she wishes she could prick and prod at your brain for a second. What an experience that would be. 

You enter the bedroom like a ghost; hair still wet and coily, dressed in all black like she is, only decorated with gloss and earrings. No heels either. Just very shimmery looking flip-flops. Ellie bites down a smile. 

“Where are we going?” 

She shrugs at your inquiry, “Somewhere really, really loud.” 

“Will people find us?” Paps, you mean. Ellie denies. 

“Not where I’m taking you.” 

“Must be secretive.” 

She tuts, “Not… well, maybe. It’s fun though. I think you’ll like it.” 

“Okay.” 

Ellie stands with her wallet and keys and kiddingly offers you an arm to hold onto. “M’lady.”

But you don’t accept it; back turned, halfway out of the room towards the stairs.

Pleasant. She doesn’t mean to smile. 

She makes sure to grab the to-go box from earlier before locking the front door behind her. 

It is very loud here. And hot. And raunchy. 

… You like that. Your mom would have a heart attack if she were to ever walk in here. 

The trip to this whatever, wherever place was pretty far. You counted every second of the nearly hour ride, mainly because Ellie’s jittery knee made you nervous. It’s smaller than you assumed, but not quaint. Not at all. There's a ruckus from the entrance to the back exit, people your age and older, screaming and shouting words that you don’t know while people pound on drums and shred on guitar. They sweat through their clothes while their makeup streaks down their faces as they make love to microphone stands. 

… Better than tea time, you suppose. How exhilarating. Your heart’s pounding like crazy.

Not much can be said between you and Ellie. You can’t hear over the bass and rumbles from the floor but she holds your hand and small purse. Guides you to a small section in the back with a bar. She hands the tender her card and… that’s it. Four clear, questionably large shots are poured and slid to her like nothing. You want all of them. 

Ellie seems so at home as she guides you, already a burning shot down, into the crowd. You’re shoved instantly by party goers, but she catches you, holds you strongly. You look at her, puzzled with shock, but she uncaringly lifts her shoulders, downs a shot, and starts thrashing. 

Your jaw slacks and lights beam and flicker at a rapid pace but you’re smiling. Your wife meshes with the scene so nicely. You wanna be like that. So you follow. You drink and jump and flail and scream your head off. 

You and your wife are synched for once. Terrible dancers. No rhythm whatsoever. Who cares who cares who cares.

You wish your mom was here to see you like this. You hope your mom’s dead so she never has to see you like this. A thought so dark shouldn’t bring you this much joy. You laugh and holler at the imagery. Blood all over the marble. Blood all over the doors of your childhood home. Blood blood blood everywhere because they deserve it. Look at what they’ve done to you. Sick evil people.

You wanna kill your stepfather. This music makes you wanna kill your stepfather. It’s gorey in itself, almost. Abborherent verbiage. You think Ellie wants to kill your stepfather, too. You should ask her later. Maybe when you're both sober. Maybe you should make your mom watch you skin him alive. Him dying would damage her more than you ever could. 

When your eyes open, Ellie’s gawking at you, seemingly surprised. Impressed? She holds your cheeks to get your attention, gesturing, asking if you want another drink. You nod and shout in her face and she laughs. Ellie holds you by the waist and guides you to the bar. The bartender must like Ellie. You leave with a full bottle this time. 

You and Ellie pass it between yourselves, the night becoming more and more broken. Touchy. Feely. Ellie rubs all over you while you pour liquor into her mouth. A bit dribbles down the sides but she doesn’t care. You don’t either. So you lick the drops from her neck like a cat with milk. Ellie stops and you stop and everything stops. It’s just the two of you, suddenly; all other patrons evaporate to nothingness. Her eyes are blown and heavy as she searches your face, and they halt their wandering at your lips. She’s thinking about it; You want her to see how bad you crave it. Even if it’s just for a second. She smiles, pleased. You shudder. 

But she doesn’t do it. She spins you so your back is against her chest, lips at your neck while she pushes her hips into your ass. She’s messy, drenching your already sweaty neck in spit. Her nails dig into the fabric of your dress, guiding your hips, swaying you on her. You follow. You follow so blindly because you like her hands on you a little too much. You drink and drink and drink. Everything feels light. Good. 

You think Ellie’s speaking to you. Or singing words in your ear. Or maybe she isn't speaking at all. You’re not sure, but your face is burning hot. She tongues at your ear and you make a noise that you can’t hear but hope she can. You need this. 

Her hands are suddenly slow where they crawl up your sides until they rest on your breasts. Your empty hand lands on one of hers to squeeze so that she can squeeze you. You feel her smiling on your skin when your jaw slacks. 

Your head turns to chase her mouth, but she does you one better. Whisks you once more so your chests smash together. She snatches the bottle from your hand, takes one last swig before passing it to eager, drunk hands that wave from behind. You gasp when her thumb catches your bottom lip, pulls it down to get your mouth open enough for her to dribble liquor into. You moan loud enough for Ellie to hear over those booming drums, swallowing down everything she gives, nails sank into her waist while her hips push into yours. When you swallow the last drops, she kisses you. Messy and hot, tongue and teeth; it gets your heart singing. Her pink muscle swirls inside of your mouth and your arms wrap around her neck, yanking her into you so no space is left. Her hands are everywhere; tangled in your hair, grabbing at your hips, your ass, your thighs. Everywhere everywhere everywhere like she can’t get enough of you. You’re overwhelmed and high out of your mind but you follow her guide. Anywhere she wants you, you are. 

Maybe you’re just as bad as she is. After everything she’s done, you should hate her. You think you do. You hate her for leaving you. You hate her for embarrassing you. Abandonment. Her only gift to you. Maybe that’s why you kiss her with such conviction. 

Her touch is passionate; strong but not forceful. She breathes you in like a rarity, something she treasures, all while she licks and tugs at you like a slut. There’s a pulse deep within you when her lips enclose around your tongue to suck it. Your thighs squeeze and she grins madly, giving you one last innocent peck before she grabs your hand to spin you. You laugh and twirl with her. 

You understand why people fall in love so fast. You hate that you’re one of them. 

Or are you simply as delusional as they come? 

You’re even more enthralling when free of restraint. 

Ellie’s drunk and sweaty and exhausted but she uses every last bit of strength to stare at you. She sits at the bar as the crowd dwindles, artist after artist, established or aspiring, all go on to perform, and you haven’t taken a break once. You simply twirl and spin and mouth incorrect lyrics with the widest smile on your face, all while Ellie brings you her drinks to finish. 

You’ve been here for hours it seems, but Ellie can’t drive. But the night is young. You certainly don’t look ready to go home. 

What more can she show you?

“Thank you all for comin’ out! Tonight was a dream—“

You’re a dream, Her chest screams. You you you you fuck—

You clap like the happiest seal on the planet before spinning around to face Ellie. It happens in flashes: you come closer and closer until you’re in front of her, warm hands on her cheeks, ears tingling when you whisper, 

“I didn’t get to meet your sluts.” 

You sound upset about it. Ellie stumbles about how they didn’t come, how they’re not here. How she doesn’t wanna see them right now and she means it all, but you don’t believe her, and her chest hurts. Guilty guilty guilty. 

“Get up.” You step away and Ellie pains to pull you back, savor the night a second longer. But she signs the receipt before following you towards the exit. The cold air feels so good. She needs water now. 

She gives you a little yank when you start wandering the opposing direction, “Come… come here. This way.” 

You grin and slur, “Where to?” 

Ellie’s brows wiggle playfully, “Gas station. You hungry?”

“…Yes.”

Ellie extends her hand for you to hold, and surprisingly, you accept. Her heart jolts to life. 

The walk is quiet. Your eyes are glued to the sky, wide and innocent; the large moon entrances you, surrounded by glittery stars. You both wobble down the sidewalk, trying to avoid bumping into pedestrians and other drunkards. She thought the rowdiness of nightlife would frighten you, but you seem drawn to the chaos.  

Soon enough, you’re both surrounded by aisles filled with chips and sodas and a fuck ton of candy. Ellie cringes at the fond stares she gives you holding 4 packs of watermelon sour patches. You’re cute as hell right now. Have you never been to a convenience store? What the fuck. 

“El! El, what the fuck! Where ya been!” 

Her sluggish brain is trying — really trying to figure out who the hell just left the staff room and is walking towards the two of you. It’s someone that knows her name or whatever shortened version they’ve created and the closer this person gets the more you shield yourself behind her fuck fuck fuck

Arms latch around her neck in a strong hug. Muscular, nice voice, smells like cherries. 

Abigail Anderson. Shoulda known. Great. 

“Jesus fuck, you smell like my dad’s liquor cabinet! We fucking missed you! We haven’t seen you in…” 

When Abby pulls back, her eyes immediately find you. Ellie steals a glance; eyes wide, soft with curiosity. They darken slightly when they lock onto Abby’s shoulders, all the way down to her arms and Ellie… why the fuck does that annoy her? 

“Who’s that,” Abby whispers suggestively and Ellie sighs. Scratches at her eye in irritation. 

“I’m her wife.” You say causally, and it shocks both of them. Abby moreso. Did Ellie never tell her? She’s sure she did. Everyone knows she’s married… right?

“Wh— wife?” Her eyes shift onto Ellie, “Bitch, you got married? What the fuc— when—“

“3 months ago.” You answer.

“Fucking — holy shit. Congrats? Uhh… sorry! Nice to meet you! You’re gorgeous, by the way,” She stutters to shake your hand, but you accept it, “I’m Abby!” 

“Hi.” You smile in delight and your shoulders relax. Abby smiles just as gently and Ellie thinks it’s time to go because you’re both getting on her nerves. 

“Alright, well, we're gonna pay, so… yeah. I’ll text you tomorrow or something. We’re tired.” 

“Mhmm,” Abby hums cockily, eyes glued to the mess Ellie made of your neck, “Looks like y’all had a great time.” 

“We did,” She confirms with pointed eyes, “See ya.” 

“Byeee.” Abby sing-songs with a chuckle before Ellie leads you towards the service counter to dump your snacks. Ellie gives the cashier a familiar nod. 

“Is she who you fuck?” 

Ellie chokes on her water and the cashier gawks at you from behind their reading glasses. You couldn’t have been any fucking louder in that moment, what the fuck.

“What—“

“Do you fuck Abby? I hope not in that bathroom,” You clumsily point to the gender neutral sign near the entrance. “I heard they’re filthy—“

Ellie whispers even though there’s no point, “Dude, are you fucking crazy—“

“… It's just a question—“

“Have a nice night.” 

The cashier rigidly hands Ellie her a stuffed baggie and receipt. She snatches them before snatching you to leave. She drops your hand the second briskness surrounds you, “The fuck was that about?” Her chips are calling her. She needs a stress reliever. 

“What—“

She squeezes the bag and the pop rings like a gunshot, “Why the fuck are you asking if I fucked Abby? What the fuck—“

“She’s hot and you kinda are… to a certain degree, I guess. I just assumed.” 

Ellie’s appalled, but doesn’t have the energy to look offended. “Stop assuming, it’s… that’s fucking weird—“

You simply shove tiny watermelon slices in your mouth and steal her water to chug it. She watches you impatiently before you hand the crumpled, half-empty plastic back to her. She downs the rest and discards it some-fucking-where. 

Her thoughts are clouded. Did she fuck Abby? Are you forreal—

“I don’t care, you know.”

“About what?” 

You shrug, “If you fuck her.” 

“Please be quiet.”

“Okay.” 

You both do for a while, dead grass and Dorritos crunching around you. 

Until Ellie speaks again. 

“You’re quiet.” 

“Mhm.”

“Sleepy?”

“Nmhm.” 

Wide awake, actually. The world passes you by with each step the two of you take, swirling with bright lights and laughter. You follow Ellie closely, handfuls of candy shoved in your mouth while she munches on her chips. You never had those orange triangles before. Neither of you are in a rush to make it back to the car. Can Ellie drive in this state?

“Do you, uh, like places like that? Concerts?” 

“Yes.” You break out in a grin. 

“What else do you like?” 

“I dunno. I haven’t… experienced much.” You shrug, accidentally brushing against your wife’s shoulder. Electricity sparks near the end of your spine where a steadying hand rests. “Your friend… does she go with you? To concerts?” 

“Who?”

“Aaabby.” You tease, mocking the blonde girl from earlier, and Ellie’s expressions flattens. She's unsure why. 

“Oh, uh… yeah,” Her chip bag is suddenly very interesting. “Sometimes. I met her at one a few years back after a showcase I hosted.” 

“I like her.” She’s nice and smells nicer. You regret not shaking her seemingly strong hand a few seconds longer. Strong all over, actually. 

“… Uh huh.” 

Your brow arches at that, “Does that bother you?” 

“Why the fuck would it bother me? You can like whoever.”  

“Exactly how you like whoever, huh?” You sneer lazily, and Ellie goes stoic. And just like that, the conversation dies once more. You’re glad for it; selfishly, you’d rather refrain from telling your wife about how attractive you found her friend. She’s left you guessing under too many circumstances. Consider this a sliver of revenge. 

You both make it back to the parking lot in silence, minus Ellie’s agitated crunching. You lean against the passenger door while you watch her dig around for the keys. 

“Where to?” 

“It's almost 4 in the morning.” She hisses. 

“So?” You came home later than that for weeks. You wanna say it. You should say it. Grind your thumb deeper into that open wound, but you save it. Another day, maybe. Maybe not. 

“So we’re going home. I’m tired.” 

“Well, I’m not.” 

“Okay? Whatever, I’ll drop you off somewhere.” 

“You wouldn’t leave your poor, defenseless wife unattended, would you?” You whisper slowly, and Ellie tenses when you plant a soft hand on her shoulder. She doesn’t acknowledge you, just stares through the window behind you. You scoff and drop it by your side. Cross your arms stubbornly. 

“You’re mad because I like Abby.”

“There’s nothing for you to like! You just met her.” Her voice raises, and annoyance flares in you. 

“Exactly! I just met her, and I like her! The fuck did you think I was gonna do? Flash her right in front of the gummy worms?” 

“I don’t know! Fucking maybe!”

“So you can fuck other people but I can’t?” 

Ellie’s very close to you suddenly. Your heart jumps, “Oh, now you wanna fuck Abby? She’s the first person you’ve interacted with besides me since we got fucking married!” 

“SO?” You holler. 

“SO YOU’RE NOT FUCKING MY FRIEND! ARE YOU INSANE!” Speckles of spit land on your face and it sizzles into your pores. You might be. You fucking are. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Ellie’s forcing herself into your space, so why do you fight? Why are you hungry? 

Your palms crash into her chest and she nearly loses her balance, “I DON’T NEED PERMISSION FROM YOU! WE’LL FINALLY BE EVEN, YOU FUCKING WHORE!” 

“Yeah? Think Imma fucking whore?” Her grin is sinister, and excitement coils in your belly. Gets your fingers twitching from how hard they’re clenched. 

“Maybe I do.” Vehemence scathed your tongue. 

“You know what I think?” 

“I don’t care—“

“I think you do.” She mumbles against your cheek, “I think you’re jealous.” 

You still. Ellie’s eyes pierce through yours, burning and hot, nostrils flared: she looks like she could snap you in half. Your spine tingles with delirium. 

“You’re mad because I get to be. I can exist and fuck and party and come and go as I please and you hate it. You wish you could do what I do.” She stares like you killed her mother yourself. Strangled her with your bare hands. “I don’t have mommy and daddy breathing down my neck every 2 seconds. You want that so bad it makes you sick.” 

“So why stay?” 

It shocks her. You don’t waver; passive as usual. 

“You’re free and can do whatever you want, right? Why are you here? Go and be that. Be whoever you wanna be because you can.”

Everything will be over soon. Might as well. Ellie simply glares through you. 

Curiosity is your worst enemy. Might as well ask. 

“Why’d you defend me at dinner?” 

What does she know what does she know what does she know what

She rubs her eyes stubbornly, “Oh my fucking god, who gives a fuck!” 

“Me! I give a fuck! Why’d you do it! Why! You’ve never done it before!” 

She knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows

“BECAUSE FUCK HIM! FUCK EVERYBODY THAT DID THIS TO US! FUCK YOU, TOO!” 

You might cry, you might not. You’re unsure of everything and you’re angry and hurting. Ellie’s a reflection of you, and vise-versa. You hate her hate her hate her. 

Hatred. It might be the reason why kissing her feels so good. Because it shouldn’t be happening. Ellie shouldn’t have you trapped between her and her car, grinding so harshly into you that your spine bends. You shouldn’t tug at her hair to expose her neck to lick and suck and bite her neck red while she curses in your ear. 

This is the distraction you’ve been desperately searching for. To think you’d find it in your wife after all this time. 

“I’d be a whore for you,” She shamelessly seers against your throat, hands wandering to unbutton her own pants, “You know that, right?” 

… That’s cute. Makes you blush. 

“Yeah?” Her laugh is thick like syrup, “Gets you hot? Knowing how easily I’d give it up for you?” 

That sideways grin makes you tick. Your hand closes tight around her throat and she nearly bloodies her bottom lip with her fangs. Your wife looks pathetic; thumbs hooked into her pants, so ready to drop them for you in the middle of the parking lot. People are wandering about; she’s willing to fuck in front of them? 

How pretty would she look trying to be quiet for you? Nervous eyes searching for privacy, praying no one walks by and sees her on the edge with your hand down her underwear. Hopefully no one recognizes her, pulls out their phone, records the two of you. Blasts you both on social media while Ellie moans in your mouth. What would people think? Your families? How ashamed would they be? Their two girls making a mess of themselves in public. 

The thought makes you smile. Scares you. Makes you choke her harder. Her pained whine vibrates in your palm. 

“Get the fuck in the car.” 

The windows fog with the heat of your bodies; her body trapped beneath yours in the back seat that’s roomier than you anticipated. She rolls your hips on top of her, desperate and eager to rip your fucking clothes off and feel you for real. Your dress rests around your hips, your panties on display and she wishes she could see them. She only has her hands for reference, tracing over each thin seam littered with lace and patterns she tries to memorize. Your tongue belongs in her mouth. You feel so fucking good; you’re not close enough. She needs you closer. 

Her mouth chases yours when you finally separate, only connected by a thin string of saliva, but a stern hand collides with her chest to keep her flat. Her hands tickle your waist. Rests your dress even higher until she can see your belly button. 

“Wanna know a secret?” You whisper down at her, and she smirks. 

“I know you’re a virgin, baby.” She whispers giddily, and your teeth grit. A flame coils in your chest. You ignore her.

“You could’ve had me after our wedding, you know? With my face buried in the pillows and my ass in your face. I would’ve let you do whatever you wanted that night.” 

Your sudden vulgarity stuns her silent. Your wife looks like she’s imagining it; lip bruised from both your and her teeth, mind racing with filth of you in every position she can think of. She wouldn’t have been able to separate from you if that was the case. It’s one of the reasons she kept her distance; those pretty brown eyes rolled back would’ve put her underground. She’d never tell you that. 

“But no,” You say like it aches, “You wanted to go and bend over all those girls that follow you around like fucking dogs. You wanted a bitch, not a wife. Right or wrong?” 

She can barely breathe and your hand pressing on her chest isn’t helping; reduces her to sharp gasps that make her lightheaded. The more ragged they become, the harder you press. Your brow arches when she innocently bares her teeth. 

Her palms squeeze at your ass, “I thought about you the entire time—“

Your hand cracks and her head flies to the side. Right on her left cheek is the already reddening imprint of your hand. The crackles in your palm are numbed by the alcohol and your core burns at the shock on her face. She gawks off to the side, that meddling smile dropped completely, chest ragged with her breaths. 

“Ellie, put your hands down.” You spit, and they drop from you completely, palms flat on the seat beneath her. 

“You had every chance to do right by me and you wasted every single one.” You sound like you’re about to cry; Ellie’s too scared to look at you. Not the good scared that she’s felt around you this entire time, but a hollow scared. The one that freezes you. Her fight or flight is triggered. 

“I think you owe me an apology.” You whisper against her burning face before you kiss it gently. A pained groan escapes her, and you laugh. Loud, in her face. Even louder when she tries to grind her hips up into you. 

“Take us home, wife.” 

[badasscoffeemug]

okay, so, i tried to pull as many interviews as i could to see if i could parse what the original plan for bucktommy was (or if there even was any), and subsequently, if there had been a pivot of any kind. now, we are not privy to any bts talk, and storylines are never set in stone, even from when they've been teased or promoted (henchim friction? hello?) but interviews are really all we have to go off of. so, idk, i compiled some quotes, all bolded emphasis is mine.

i kinda got the impression that it really was supposed to be a 4-episode arc for tommy, after which he would gracefully bow out and leave buck a newly realized single bisexual. for some reason, that changed and they chose to keep him around and extend that storyline (gelled rather well in the story? opening the door for potential future storylines?). except then they had them break up anyway, leaving buck in much the same place he would have been had they called it quits in 7x06, only much more heartbroken (essentially wasting over half a season's worth of buck storyline, except he's sadder now, i guess). but, judge for yourself.

march 28, 2024, TM: Showrunner Tim Minear also teased future episodes for Tommy. “He’s going to be around for a little bit. He’s not going to be a member of the 118 again, but he is going to be involved in some stories.”

april 4, 2024, TM: “I was kind of bored with the hamster wheel of the relationships [Buck] had been in. His story needed a slap. It needed some something fresh. This felt like it could be important to some people, and it felt like it was right for the character.”

OS: “I’ve always had in my head that I wanted a partner for Buck to be someone where it wasn’t easy”

TM: “That’s what I like about this. He’s not siloed off into some love interest story with a character who has nothing to do with the main characters.”

Minear noted that Tommy is currently an important romantic partner for Buck, largely because “it’s sort of the entry-level relationship.” Yet at the same time, he noted that he doesn’t think “anybody’s making wedding plans.”

“It really is a first fling for Buck right now. What that might amount to, only time can tell. But what I’m interested in is not something that’s fraught. I’m interested in something that’s tender and positive”

april 4, 2024, OS: “The focus was on it being important, but also not wanting it to feel like the bravest episode in television. We just wanted to tell a lighthearted love story that happens to be a queer love story.”

april 5, 2024, TM: “[what] I don't want to do is the mistake that I think we've made with some of the other love interests, which is siloing those characters off into their love life and they have no kind of organic connection to the rest of the characters in the story. [...] Going with Tommy allowed us to start to play a story without just inventing a whole new character just for the purpose of being the bi character or the gay character or the male love interest for Buck.”

april 12, 2024, TM: “that moment at the end of the episode where he sits down with Tommy and says, “You said I wasn’t ready. I don’t know what I’m ready for, but I’m ready for something. I’m just sure what that is yet.” But he feels safe with Tommy. So even though he doesn’t know exactly what road he’s stepping onto, he’s willing to roll the dice.”

april 12, 2024, LFJ: "So, it happens in phases. My manager said 9-1-1 called, and I was like, 'Cool.' And then he is like, 'All right, well, they called for an arc.' And I'm like, 'Four episodes? Cool.'

"Given the circumstances, we just kissed. There's something there. We go on a date, and then Eddie happens to show up because there's only one restaurant, I guess, in L.A., and I would totally understand if he was nervous and whatnot." (this quote has nothing to do with my point really i just think it's so fucking funny. this entire interview is so messy.)

"I have no idea," he explained when asked what the future could hold for the duo. "If the writers do choose to extend this storyline and make it into its own thing [...] I'm just as excited as you are to find out."

april 12, 2024, OS: "I just hope he continues down that path and I think we will see him opening up more and more, and being louder and prouder about it. I want to tell real stories where not everything is going to be straightforward, but I don’t want the angst or the trauma to be in these kind of negative troupes that we’ve seen before. I want them to have real world problems that couples or people who are first dating have, but I don’t want it to be rooted in outside people being homophobic or anything like that. Those are stories we have seen and we’ve told, and sure, of course, happen in the real world, but I want to tell a happy story between these people and a real story. They have issues and they have things to deal with, but I just want them to be real world, everyday relationship issues."

april 18, 2024, OS: "we want to tell it in an honest way where not everything is going to be easy and carefree. There are going to be issues, but we also don't want it to feel like it's down or too heavy. We want to tell this queer love story in a very honest way, but also in a very loving way."

"Tarlos is a beautiful relationship," Stark says. "I'm just honored to get to tell a story that can kind of partner up with that and maybe continue with a similar thread."

"I really want to see Buck continue to explore what it is that really speaks to him, and what he's into," Stark says. "He's obviously going to continue down this path with Tommy for now. I don't know what that story is going to end up being, but I would really like for Tommy to stay a part of Buck's life, regardless. He's obviously opened this door for him, and I think it would be really nice if [Tommy] was able to continue to hold [Buck's] hand and could help guide him through this process. As somebody who's a little older and more experienced, to kind of help shepherd Buck into this new phase of understanding who he is."

april 23, 2024, OS: “I really enjoy [Lou]. I really enjoy working with him. I think he’s been a great addition to the show, and I look forward to — assuming Tommy sticks around for a while — continuing to develop that relationship with him on-screen and off-screen.”

may 2, 2024, JLH: "I’m really excited for Buck, because I think he’s a person that has never quite settled into who he is. And if this is who he is, it’s beautiful,” Hewitt said. “I was so happy Maddie felt that way, because that’s how I would feel. And I’m really happy that she’s there for him. In Season 8, the actor hopes Maddie gets to “understand what all that means, be in that with [Buck], and get to know Tommy better.”

may 3, 2024, KC: “I think it was the brilliance of [co-creator] Tim [Minear]. Even introducing the storyline of Buck and Tommy, he said, "I don't want it to be this very special episode of 9-1-1. I'm going to make this a f---ing romantic comedy, man. You won't see it coming. It'll come out of left field." And I think that's the same thing he did with the revelation. There's no sit down, there's no big discussion or talk about it. It's what it would be. This guy has found love fina…. Well, I think love finally.”

may 3, 2024, KC: "When I heard about the storyline, I was super excited. And on a selfish note, I'm really happy because they brought Lou Ferrigno Jr. back. We've become really good friends, as he was in "Hen Begins," "Bobby Begins Again," and of course "Chimney Begins," and we formed a tight personal bond. I think he's a terrific actor, and I think this new dynamic brings this newfound energy into that storyline and into the show, and I'm excited to see how it blossoms."

not dated? post-7x06, KC: “It’s one of my favorite scenes,” Choi says. “It’s a reveal for most of the characters that Buck has found a love interest he’s actually interested in. It’s adorable, it’s cute, it’s perfect, and the audience is going to love it.”

OS: Stark likens Buck’s journey to “a hamster wheel”: “He’s been taking one step forward and two steps back, as is quite typical of being in your late 20s and early 30s, trying to find yourself,” the actor explains. “As we’ve moved into this seventh season, he’s found a way to really discover who he wants to be.”

july 8, 2024: 7x09 deleted scene released

september 9, 2024, TM: “They’re still getting to know each other a little better”

september 11, 2024, TM: Minear says not much time has passed between the events of the season 7 finale and the season 8 premiere, so there haven't been many developments in Buck and Tommy's relationship. "But we see that they're more comfortable together," he explains. "We'd definitely call them a couple. Obviously they're comfortable hanging out with Eddie, but when you couple with somebody, it takes up some of your time, so that also leaves Eddie a little bit out in the cold. Well, not out in the cold, but Buck doesn't have as much free time as he did before, let's put it that way." (yeah so, this barely happened?)

september 20, 2024, OS: “We don’t really have too much of a time jump moving into this season, so the relationship with Tommy is much where it was left off,” explains Stark. “It is in its early stages. They’re still learning and figuring things out about each other and what a relationship might or could look like.”

[mistynatruther]

GUYS i keep rewatching that whole scene in episode three and i just LOVE it so much about it

sevika, jinx, and isha’s WHOLEEEE dynamic. jinx covering isha, and sevika covering jinx. they’re so interesting to me. i love traumatized characters who cling to each other. isha clings to jinx and sevika, like it or not, is sort of clinging to jinx because she has nobody left. they are the only two people left who are grieving over silco, and they need each other for that. they’ve already lost so much, and now, it’s just them.

vi and jinx fighting but not really fighting because deep down, they never wanted to hurt each other, that was never the goal.

vi’s face when isha protects jinx. like she’s realizing that jinx has some piece of powder still in her, because if somebody as pure and innocent as isha could love her, then she can’t be gone.

jinx’s face when she sees that vi stopped caitlyn from shooting. idk it’s these small little details we’re getting of their relationship because everything is sooo screwed up and they haven’t even had a chance to really talk and they have so many unresolved feelings that they need to get out. it all shows on their faces. they don’t want to hurt each other, they both just want their sister back.

vi stopping caitlyn from shooting. it means so much to me. and i know it was “because of isha” but to me, in my head, it’s not just that. because it can’t be just that. there was hesitation. there was gears turning in her head. she knew, even when it finally came down to it, she couldn’t watch jinx be killed. she just couldn’t do it. even if isha hadn’t did what she did, i still believe that something else would’ve stopped the whole thing from happening. no matter how much vi says that jinx needs to die, we all know that her love for her sister is bigger than anything else. it’s the only thing that kept her going while in stillwater, and when she got out? it was her sister she wanted to find.

idkkkkk this episode just gave me some sort of hope for their relationship though i’m not gonna be TOOOOO hopeful bc i also have a feeling that it’s just going to hurt me and things will never be okay. but i like to think about the scenario in which things do become okay one day

[7ndipity]

i love ur writing sm!! not sure if you've done something like this, could you do a mtl on who would like being taken care of in a relationship vs taking care of their partner? <3

MLT to like being taken care or in a relationship vs taking care of their partner

A/N: Thanks xxmoonbae for requesting this!

Masterlist

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Prefers being taken care of

Taehyung

Jimin

Jin

Hobi

Jungkook

Namjoon

Yoongi

Prefers taking care of their s/o

Taehyung - Jimin: Tae is babyboy and no I do not take criticism lol. Fr tho, he loves being doted on and taken care of. Jimin also loves being doted on, but he also has a very caring nature and likes getting to look after you as well, so be ready for random sweet acts of service from him.

Jin - Hobi: They seem like they would be very middle of the road on this. Hobi likes feeling special and cared for, and Jin lowkey likes being babied every now and then, but they both also love giving the same treatment back to their partners, so it’s fairly well balanced.

Jungkook - Namjoon: I think they like having things more 50/50, but they prefer looking after you just a bit more than the other way around. Joon I think views it as a teeny bit stifling? Like he knows you can rely on each other, but he very much wants you both to keep your independence. Jk likes feeling capable by looking after you, but he also secretly loves it when you take care of him

Yoongi: His love language is acts of service, Idk why you would expect him to be anywhere else on this list. That’s not saying that he doesn’t appreciate being looked after by his partner, but he really gets a sense of fulfillment out of taking care of others.

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @feminympho @classicalelephant @dfqcsqueen @mother2monsters @comingupwithacoolnameishard @bo0ghol @universal-travel-er @k4ngelz

[lulushults]

as a nalu stan through and through its really starting to piss me off now that literally every single couple is getting development BUT nalu.

every single ship is getting constant scenes to show they either are already together, gajevy, and how theyre thriving. or how other ships, jerza and gruvia, are starting to realise their feelings and are slowly becoming more than friends.

nalu has for sure been the ship the fandom has been obsessed with the longest, and on top of that its also one of if not the most desired ship in the entire show, so why is it that we’re living off of small looks between eachother or one saying the others name or vise versa. i understand natsu and lucy are the two characters that are the most dense with their feelings and love in general. but like…cmon.

surely its about time the two of them start to understand how they feel. even just slightly. we havent had any real nalu moments since what? like the beginning of the 100 yrs quest with the hug after natsu loses control.

one of the main reasons i love ft so much is FOR nalu and their relationship. my patience is really starting to grow thinner and thinner every time a new chapter is released or a new arc is finished and every other couple has development while nalu has none.

its clear hiro wants nalu to be his final send off, but can he atleast not begin their development sooner than later. i cant express how disappointed me and half of the nalu fandom will be if they both dont come together until the final chapter EVER of the series while every other couple has moments upon moments under their belt to celebrate once the show is done. while we nalu fans have countless of moments from the main show, and about? 3? from the spin off.

idk i hope im not the only one starting to get really fed up, im happy for jerza, gruvia and even gajevy shippers for seeing their couples finally come together. im a hard gajevy and gruvia shipper myself, it just sucks that atm im having to pretty much survive on only gajevy and gruvia and have to p much act like nalu doesnt exist because..theres literally nothing to give us hope anymore.

not to mention the nalu fandom is DYING out because of this, theres less fanfic, less fanart, less headcannons, less everything because theres nothing for us to hope about anymore. trust me i’ll be heartbroken if nalu doesnt end up becoming real. but its hard to believe it is when hiro is giving little to no attention to them anymore.

i hope im not the only one thinking like this because it realllly sucks🤷‍♀️

[aerynwrites]

Rain

Sebastian (SDV) x fem!Reader

------

A/N: idk what this is y'all LMAOOO. i love it, it's cute, it's fluffy, and I am apparently in my emo boy phase because between this video game emo boy and the emo eepy bois of sleep token they all have me in a chokehold i swear to god. Anyways. hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: none.

Summary: You propose to Sebastian after waiting much longer than intended.

------

You always knew you were an impatient person. It’s just in your nature. 

Which is…probably not a great quality to have as a farmer, considering how much waiting there is to do in this profession. Waiting for crops to grow. Waiting for animals to mature. Waiting for the kegs to ferment, waiting, waiting, waiting…

Well you didn’t want to wait for this. 

You knew very quickly into your relationship with Sebastian that you wanted him to be in your future. But you had taken things slow for once, that worry in the back of your mind that you didn’t want to hold him back. 

He always talked about wanting to go back to the city, to get out of Stardew valley…You almost pulled away when he had mentioned that to you. But then, not even a few weeks later you’d found him at the beach, rain pouring down from the sky and soaking him clean through from where he stood on the pier.  The rain was so loud he didn’t even hear you approach on the rickety wooden boards of the docks.

“You’ll catch a cold if you’re not careful!” You call to him, shielding your eyes from the downpour with your hand. 

Sebastian turns to you then, dark hair plastered to the sides of his face as his brows raise in surprise at your appearance. But he smiles anyways, hands tucked into the pocket of his sweatshirt. 

“You’re one to talk,” he says as you move to stand beside him. “You’re out here, same as me. I’m surprised actually.” 

You look at him from the side of your eye. “Surprised?”

Sebastian shrugs, eyes turning back to watch the black storm clouds rolling over the ocean. 

“Most people don’t like the rain. They’d rather stay inside next to a warm fire or tucked into bed.”

You shift your weight slightly, the boards creaking beneath you. “But not you?”

He shakes his head. 

“No, I…I like the rain. It’s comforting, I guess,” he begins pausing for a long moment before continuing. 

“I get anxious around people,” he admits. “It’s why I spend so much time in my room or in this case, the rain.” He chuckles, the sound trailing off as he finally turns to look around you. 

“But I don’t feel that way around you.”

Warmth spreads across your cheeks at his words, a stark contrast to the chilling rain pelting your skin. 

“Sebastian..” You trail off as he waves his hand, a blush of his own tinting his cheeks as he turns to grab an umbrella he had laying at his feet. 

He pushes it open, shielding himself from the downpour before he motions to you. 

“Come on, there’s room enough for both of us.” 

You oblige immediately, scooting closer a few small steps at a time until your side is pressed into his own, a familiar arm snaking around your waist as you both huddle beneath the umbrella. 

“I feel safe with you too,” you say softly, the only acknowledgment he hears you being a small hum in his chest. 

That was months ago now. 

After that, you’d been brave enough to give him a bouquet, heart bursting with delight when he accepted the colorful flowers, warm lips gracing your cheek as he did so. And it wasn’t long after that when he took you on a ride on his bike just outside Zuzu city. 

When he revealed to you that he might not feel called to the city after all. When he chose you. 

You were certain then of your decision. 

But no matter how many times you checked the beach that following winter, the damn mariner was no where to be found. Days turned into weeks, which turned into months which started to drag by in agonizing torture for you. 

At least Sebastian seemed happy. 

You tried to stop by and see him as often as you could between your running around. And every time he was elated to see you as you were to see him. Sweet words falling from his lips before you both caught up talking about your days or talking about nothing at all. 

Impatience. 

It truly was the bane of your existence. 

Because as happy as you were with how things are, you want more. 

Which is what brought you here now, smile nearly splitting your cheeks in half as you gallop through the rain on your horse, the delicate shell pendant clinking softly in your pocket. 

It’s spring time now, and you almost broke your streak of checking the beach today because of the downpour happening. But something told you to go, a feeling so strong, it urged you from your cabin without so much as a raincoat and onto your horse to head to the beach. The rain almost stung as you raced down the familiar path, chest bursting with excitement as you spot the strange man stand beneath the protection of the trees on the beach. 

You dismount just a few feet from him, and he gives you a knowing look as you approach, saying not a word as you hand him his payment. He places the necklace in your hand gently, the blue shell practically sparkling, even in the dim light of this stormy day. 

It’s then that you speak, confusion tugging at your brow. 

“You said last time I wasn’t ready,” you say to him, recalling your previous attempt to buy the pedant. “Why now?”

The older man smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners. 

“It’s easy to tell when someone’s in love.” 

You’d turned and raced away without another word, only a wave goodbye to the mariner as your horse’s hooves dig deep into the sand as you depart. 

The rain soaks through you completely as you move through town, your excitement never fading even as you fail to find Sebastian in all his usual spots. Gus even gave you a worried look as you all but burst into the saloon, dripping onto his floor before turning and leaving without a words when you didn’t see your partner. 

You’re now leaving Robin’s place, not finding Sebastian there either, and deciding to go and check Sam’s when you see him trudging up the path in front of the community center. He’s not wearing a rain coat either, or carrying an umbrella, so he’s just as soaked as you are when you climb down from your horse and call out his name. 

“Seb!” 

He looks up at you then, and your suddenly brought back to that day on the docks all those months ago. His hair plastered to his face agin, water dripping down the tip of his nose and gathering on his lashes. 

And in this moment, you’ve never been more sure of a course of action in your life. 

He says your name in question as you approach, but cuts himself off as you launch yourself into his arms, laughter escaping your lips without control.

“What are you doing?” He asks, chuckles of his own slipping from his lips as he pulls away just enough to look at you. “Why are you out in the rain?” He smirks, “You’ll catch a cold if you’re not careful.”

His words mimic your own, and your cheeks hurt from how hard you’re smiling.

“You’re one to talk,” you repeat, back to him. “You’re out here, same as me.”

He laughs at this, cheeks tinted pink once again, as he squeezes you in his arms. “You’re such a dork, you know that?”

“I do,” you say, reaching one hand down into your pocket, fingers brushing the smooth shell hidden there. “But I…I have a reason for being out here today, at least.”

Sebastian’s brows furrow at this, looking at you questioningly. “Looking to get away?” 

You shake your head, chuckling lightly. “The opposite actually. I was looking for you.” 

His lips quirk upwards slightly. “Me? What do you need?”

You reach up with your free hand, cradling his cheek as your other hand pulls the necklace from your pocket. “You. I’ve always just needed you,” you say softly, bringing the pendant up between you, unfurling your fingers to reveal it. “If you’ll have me.”

You watch the next few moments as if they were in slow motion. 

Sebastians eyes widen in surprise, the red tint on his cheeks getting even darker before the biggest smile you’ve ever seen on him splits his lips. 

And then he’s kissing you, lips warm against yours in the cool rain as his arms wrap around you and he’s spinning you through the air. You can’t stop the surprised yelp that slips past your lips at the unexpected moment, laughter quickly following as he slows to a stop and takes your face in his hands to kiss you one last time. 

“I accept,” he says softly, lips brushing your own. 

You smile wide, pulling away just enough to place the necklace over his head, watching at the crystal blue shell stands out against the black of his hoodie. 

And as you look back up to him, his smile small but loving as water continues to soak you both. 

You suddenly know that you love the rain too. 

[n0vazsq]

The art of forgivness | PA17 x Reader

pairing . . . paul aron x f!reader

summary . . . When Paul and (Y/n) have a fight, he doesn't know if she'll ever forgive him. However, he decides to take his chance and ends up with a happy girlfriend.

request . . . no!

word count . . . 1.1k

warnings . . . cursing

alexavia yaps . . . little random story idk i kinda stole it from myself <33 tell me who yall want in the next one <3

It was almost noon now, Paul knew damn well that he should be practicing on the sim, but he wasn't. 

He re-read the messages between him and (Y/n), for what seemed like the millionth time. Was he really that much of an asshole? He couldn't believe how she didn't physically attack him, he'd want to do it to himself.

Cocky, annoying and asshole-ish. That was he was to (Y/n), and he didn't understand why she still dealt with him. Perhaps homicide of oneself would be useful now.

His fingers lingered over the keyboard, aching to send her a message. It was so painful to restrain himself, he basically longed to see the blue message appear on his phone.

Sighing, he closed his phone and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was messy, he looked rougher than usual. He guessed that this would happen when the thing you love most is taken away from you.

He brushed his hair slightly with his hands, and put on the rings (Y/n) gave him, the ones he always wears. Grabbing the bouqet he had bought off his bedside table, he closed his hotel room and went out into the dangerous, dangerous hallway. 

Paul knew he had fucked everything up when (Y/n) didn't respond to his text. Usually, she'd reply within seconds, always surprising him with her fast replying speed.

If only she was as fast to forgive him.

Something like this happening was inevitable, whether they liked it or not. They were both foolish to think that they'd have a relationship with no fighting whatsoever. Stupid of them.

The thing was, it wasn't only this recent fight that made them like this. No, it was multiple mini fights that just made their frustration build up to the point where they both snapped. 

Paul was wrong, he knew that. But he couldn't bring himself to admit it, always so stubborn, both of them. He knew that if he did, he was going to be teased, even though it was the right thing to do.

And after a very heated argument with himself, he'd decided to go apologise to (Y/n). He had promised himself to not get cold feet when he arrived at her hotel room. But as he stood there, a large bouquet in his hands, he felt the urge to run off and never return. 

He was already regretting his choice of flowers: white lilies, blue hydrangeas, and a few blue hyacinths thrown in just for the aesthetic. Why'd he chose blue specifically? He'd never know. 

The shame and guilt felt heavy on his shoulders, weighing him down as he took a deep breath, finally bringing himself to knock on her door. Two heavy knocks and one light knock, that was their code. Paul slightly regretted doing the secret knock, what if she didn't open the door because she knew it was him?

Stop that, take deep breaths and calm down. He'd told himself, the dread slowly enveloping him the longer (Y/n) took to open the door. It was very dreadful.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she opened the door. Paul had to force himself to not start sobbing from relief. (Y/n) had opened the door! This was one small step for her, but a giant leap for him. 

He was brought back to reality by his girlfriend clearing her throat, glaring at him, as if urging him to speak. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot, her face a bit paler than usual. Had she been sick? He knew that she got sick easily, and more often than not, he'd find her sniffling and shoving pills into her mouth.

"Uh-hi! How have you been? I....I brought these flowers for you. I know you don't like red roses so I choose against them but then had the weird urge to-"

"Yes, yes. Thank you. Why'd you come here?" (Y/n) cut him off, her tone frustrated, or maybe annoyed. He didn't know why he started talking so much, good job you idiot.

He should've asked Ralf or even Dino for help. This was a bad idea, he already regretted it. Now he'll never be able to get his girlfriend back and she'll never forgive him.

"Paul! What is the matter with you? Speak." He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he forgot about (Y/n) standing infront of him. Ironic.

"Ah, yeah. I just came here to apologise to you, I was an asshole and I knew I was wrong. I am so sorry, kallis," He mentally facepalmed when she raised an eyebrow at that. "I just want you to forgive me, I should have cared and noticed when people were hating on you. I love you so much and don't want to lose you. So please, just forgive me, (Y/n)."

Wow, where'd he pull that from? He should start considering a job in film writing, or even writing books. His lines would probably have people sobbing.

(Y/n) narrowed her eyes at him, her face pulling into an awkward, forced smile. Maybe he should stick to being a racing driver.

"I appreciate all this, Paul. I really do. But..."

But what?! 

"You really didn't need to bring flowers, you could've just came and apologised. Thank you."

Paul's anxiety vanished instantly, all hints of the shaking hands he had vanishing. His face formed a grin, his whole body relaxing.

"I-h....I love you so much and I can't deal with losing you again. " He managed to say. His voice shook, as if he was going to cry. He really couldn't lose (Y/n) again.

"I can't either, ange. And I'm sorry, for everything. I love you too." (Y/n) gave him an apologetic smile, and he could see in her eyes that she really meant it.

Paul felt immense happiness flood him, all tension from the past few days disappearing. He wouldn't have known what to do if (Y/n) hadn't forgave him

"So...are we back together?...." Paul trailed off, he really didn't know at this point. 

"We broke up?" She said, tilting her head at him. 

"Oh... Well, I thought we did. Uh, sorry, it was a stupid question. I don't know what I'm saying." He scratched the back of his head. Great, Paul, you ruined it now

"How have you been?"

"Quite depressed, actually. You really did light up my life," (Y/n)'s eyes widened, and her cheeks were tinted red. He still has the charm. "Well, I have to go now. I have to do the track walk with Amaury. See you around, I guess."

"See you."

He didn't know what to do with his arms, part of him stepped forward to hug her, and part of him raised his hands to wave. (Y/n) sighed and pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back while she laid her head on his chest. His heart was propably beating out of his chest, still not used to the feeling.

Then, he swore he heard her mutter something like 'I missed you'.

[enbysiriusblack]

rereading lily's letter to sirius:

starting off strong with 'dear', very formal letter writing but also kinda endearing depends how you look at it. BUT she follows with his 'padfoot' soo it's def endearing. it already shows just how close the two are from those two words.

ofc harry's favourite present was the one sirius got him (#bestdogfather)

ofc sirius gets a 1yr old a toy broom (#funnestdogfather)

i love how chill lily is about harry almost killing the cat and smashing a vase. she's so the fun mum. also petunia and lily still sending each other christmas presents, like why do i find that so sad/sweet?? idk. i love their relationship sm it's so interesting. and ik some people are gonna be thinking 'oh petunia probably regifted the ugly vase' but no. i think she went shopping specifically for lily and picked it out thinking it looked great (she's got horrible taste)

lily saying james found it funny as if she didn't also. girl please, you know you found it so fucking funny. also james already planning out harry's quidditch career. the man is obsessed. (no war au hari def would've became a professional qudditch player i fear)

btw if you're not british, "we've had a very quiet birthday tea", basically means like an afternoon tea. they're not just drinking tea, they do have tea but also some food (like lunchy food, sandwiches and cakes) and sit down at a table and chat basically. and harry will likely also be opening presents during it too

harry kinda having a doting grandma with bathilda>>>

lily prioritising the order !! she's so responsible, smart, dedicated i love her. plus she's being so real about babies. like. yeah he ain't gonna remember it anyway (also i'm guessing this means like. sirius had an order mission so couldn't come to harry's birthday? but does this mean peter and remus did too? or was only sirius invited??)

james having trouble with just staying at home constantly <33 and trying to hide it so lily doesn't worry <333 cutest husband ever.

fuck dumbledoreeeee. i don't mind him sometimes, but how dare he take james' cloak (his family heirloom) so james and lily and harry can't go on secret outing together??? they are NOT made for staying inside. james needs his runs and flying and fresh air and chats to strangers and lily needs her woods and nature and hiking and camping.

"if you could visit, it'd cheer him up so much" SHE GETS THEM.. SHE GETS THEM

lily also calling peter "wormy", they're so also her best friends and not just james', do NOT even argue.

ik people argue this bit about the mckinnons as a proof lily was never close to marlene, but it so is proof of the opposite to me!! maybe i'm coldhearted, but i would NOT be crying all fucking evening just cause a family that i kinda know and am colleagues with one or a few of them got killed.. all evening??? ALL EVENING?? yeah, they were def close friends for sure. (and she's not just gonna single out marlene because it was ALL her family, it'd be a bit weird and disrespectful to only say marlene. especially if you, as a lot of people do, hc lily and marlene as roommates and close friends all throughout school. like lily would've visited marlene's family quite a few times. she'd know them fairly well)

lily getting ALL the gossip about dumbledore from bathilda. love that for her. also her not believing dumbledore was friends with grindelwald i'm giggling. she would've lost her mind at the idea of them as exes fr (also lily building up the suspense about dumbledore being friends with grindelwald by putting the "friends with grindelwald" part on the next page so he'd have to read the next page.. she totally didn't just run out of room. that was on purpose)

"lots of love" SCREAMING. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SM. lilypad ily. lilypad ily. bestfriends fr!!!!!!!

also not related to the text itself, but severus taking the page where lily says "lots of love" and cutting lily out of the photo of harry on his broomstick like... FUCKING MAN.. that was for SIRIUS. that's lily's love for SIRIUS. don't take her love, she didn't fucking mean it for you, don't try to pretend it was you, you absolute wanker.. anyway

[keepmycandleburning]

IDK if this little section of the internet is just uncharacteristically hateful and negative and miserable lately or what. I've been lurking for like a year and posting since like 2 months ago, and it seems recent. I don't really feel like inserting myself into it anymore because it's not fun.

I loved HP as a kid probably like 9-12 y/o, at which time I picked up on something between Bellatrix & Voldemort due to the be quiet, Bella and the no higher pleasure lines. I reread the series for the first time as an adult in Oct-Nov 2023, and I was astonished at how much more I am able to pull from this text now. I came away with a much greater understanding of several things I'd missed as a kid. One of these is that it was very clear to me that Bellatrix & Voldemort were written to be at least sleeping together. VERY CLEAR. It was AFTER this point that I started being part of the fandom, and way after that I've seen people claiming their relationship ISN'T in the books. To me, this is really surprising, because when I've read the books as an adult, it's quite clear. Once I got into the fandom, I found that there are a huge number of people that agree with this interpretation of the text and find is equally obvious as I do.

However, despite the fact that I've seen a number of claims that they DON'T have any relationship in the books, I don't see people using text evidence to support this interpretation. In my personal opinion, this is probably because this is a very difficult argument to make based on the text. But if you think it can be done, instead of submitting negative anon messages without any text support, why don't you write a meta? If anyone would like to make a post going through all of the things people say are text evidence for Bellatrix/Voldemort and explaining why they're not the case, I would gladly read that out of genuine interest. Or, simply going through all the excerpts on their interpersonal relationship and explaining based on the text what sort of relationship you think they DO have.

I have seen countless people over the years analyze sections of text, lines between different characters, their attitudes toward each other, their various actions, and so on, and explain why this adds up to Bellatrix & Voldemort having some sort of relationship. I have NEVER yet seen someone who DOESN'T believe they had a relationship write a text analysis of their opinion. So I sincerely invite you to go through all the bits of text that Bellamort shippers say are canon evidence and explain why they're not—in individual instances and in total. Explain why = not just 'this is my alternative interpretation without text analysis' but *how you justify this being the case based on the text*. How do you justify ignoring how countless bits of the text can be interpreted all in this one way (Bellamort) and instead interpreting them all different ways? How do you explain what JKR was intending to say about Bellatrix & Voldemort's interpersonal relationship considering all their interactions both on- & off-page? WHY are they written the way they are if they don't have an intimate relationship? Or if you believe they're not written that way, again how can you justify this based on the text? If you need a list of text moments and existing 'Bellamort is canon' metas I can compile one.

I'm curious to see what you come up with, because I've never once seen this done—and because, as I've said, it's not an opinion that I personally believe to be supported by the text. If you can explain why it is supported by the text please do that and I'll consume it in good faith.

[inawickedlittletown]

Sooo I started to read other articles. I didn't after reading the ones that came out right after the episode that justifiably got everyone upset.

This one from tv insider had Tim saying this:

Moving on to Buck and Tommy’s breakup, talk about your approach to it. Why was Tommy sure that Buck would break his heart?

Tommy’s older and Buck is very new to this, and whether Tommy was correct or not, I think what he felt like was exactly what he said: I’m not your last, I’m your first, which is a special thing to be, but as Tommy says, it doesn’t usually end up being the same thing. And I think based on what we know of Buck, he’s maybe not wrong. Buck’s a little impulsive when he’s feeling a certain kind of way. He’s like, move on in, bring your couch. So I just think because Tommy’s a little older and wiser or maybe at some level he feels like he doesn’t deserve Buck, I don’t know. But I think he accurately diagnosed Buck. Buck’s still figuring himself out, and boy, that would be quite risky to move in with that guy as much as you would love to.

That does seem to be Buck’s go-to, which isn’t the best.

Exactly.

Are we going to see Buck single for a significant period of time now? Is he trying to figure out what he wants really out of a relationship?

Yeah, I think that’s right. As Tommy said, you’re still figuring yourself out, and his options have increased by 50 percent of the population. So knowing Buck, that’s going to be choice overload. He’s got to navigate that with a little self-awareness.

--

So they definitely planned for this. That's what this reads like...they wanted to break them up so that they could send Buck through a period of exploration. Tim says everything Oliver said here in much nicer terms. His view of Buck is so...Idk, it's like he sees Buck as a kid that still doesn't know what he wants. And he decided to put that view right into Tommy's head too. It's a little jarring I guess but this show...has it ever been consistent?

What sucks is that 8x05 was written like they were doing so well. And then right off the back with 8x06 we have warning signs in the date scene with the girl that approaches Buck and how Tommy sort of shrugs off Buck checking her out. I really do wonder where hot waiter fit into this and I'm so glad we didn't see Tommy like checking hot waiter out or something. But I guess that scene was there to sow the seeds. We have Buck spiraling because of the Abby thing and we have Tommy maybe not realizing but reinforcing for himself that he's a stepping stone for Buck and being okay with it in the status quo.

The way that Tim speaks about Buck asking Tommy to move in, he makes it seem like Buck is just barreling in without thought...like if they went through with it Tommy might be proven right. But then what is the point of the scene with Josh where Buck is right on the cusp of an "I love you" just to then be like no actually Tommy knows how this ends and he can read Buck and knows they're not forever. But Tommy is not a mind reader.

Where there is hope is in that Tim doesn't outwardly say anything about Tommy being gone for good. As someone else pointed out the Lou interviews were done by buddie journalists with a bias so there is a question to how much that colored what we got and why they were so determined to close the door fully. Also...why did we get exit interviews in the first place for a character that only had three episodes...it's so odd.

The writers made a point of leaving this open. Do I think we'll get Tommy back any time soon. No. But after the doom and gloom and the time to mourn this a bit I want to be positive and there is really no knowing. Tim says he thinks Buck will be single for a while...okay fine...picture that being the rest of this season.

Buck won't just jump into another relationship...and Oliver gets his Buck slut era 2.0...what if S9 brings back Tommy? What if this is the long game...or at least the thing they can have in their back pocket if Lou is available later on to come back. But that's not something they can promise or that they can commit to and Lou isn't on contract clearly and Oliver wouldn't know if that's the plan...hell even Tim probably doesn't know if they'll do that. Or I'm giving him too much credit because as we've seen this season storylines have been rushed to close up at breakneck speeds so it would be an anomaly for him to prolong something like this.

All this to say, showing the network and Tim that bucktommy matters to a lot of people and that Tommy matters...it may just make a difference.

[muiitoloko]

Hi! I LOOOVE ALL YOUR STORIES!!! And I wanna ask for something I just thought: virgin Severus (not student, already being a professor but you know he would not even dare to sleep with someone after Lily's death, full celibate against his own will lol) so virgin adult Snape in a new relationship with another f!professor but she's so careful with him seeing how scared he is for all this new sexual experiences, from being shy to being scared of hurting (idk why I imagine that and think it's cute af ON HIM) also being tender, asking him what he's feeling and taking their time to process the whole act until he gets the hang of it of course ❤️❤️❤️

Title: The Love Potion

Summary: Severus reveals a truth he’s long kept hidden, allowing you to lead him through a world of intimacy. Through careful guidance, you both experience a connection that is as magical as it is transformative.

Pairing: Severus Snape × Fem! Reader

Warnings: Smut

Author's Notes: Thank you very much for your order!

Also read on Ao3

The flickering candlelight cast long shadows across Snape’s chambers, highlighting the intensity in his dark, piercing eyes as he looked at you, as if searching for any hint of ridicule. When he admitted, almost in a whisper, that he was still a virgin, your surprise must have shown. His gaze flickered away, his mask slipping into a familiar cold indifference, as though he was expecting you to mock him, dismiss him, or even turn away.

"Forget it," he muttered, his voice suddenly low and guarded, hiding behind that armor of indifference. "I’m sure you think I’m a fool now."

You quickly reached out, your hand gently covering his, the warmth of your touch pulling his attention back to you. "Severus," you whispered, your voice soft and reassuring. "There’s nothing shameful about it… I’m just surprised, that’s all." Your fingers traced soothing circles over his knuckles. "Someone as brilliant—and as handsome—as you… I just thought…"

He tensed at the compliment, his cheeks tinged with a faint flush that you’d never seen before. It softened him, made him almost vulnerable. Seeing him like this, a side of Severus Snape that no one else would believe existed, sent a thrill through you. Carefully, you lifted his hand, pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles.

His breath caught as he watched you, his gaze searching, hesitant. "I never… after Lily, I never thought about… anyone else," he admitted, his voice barely a murmur. "And with you… it’s different. I find myself thinking… things I haven’t dared to in years."

A rush of warmth spread through you at his confession. You leaned forward, bringing your face close to his. "Severus," you murmured, your fingers reaching up to brush a stray lock of his dark hair back from his face. "If… if you’re ready, if you want this, I’ll be here with you. We can go as slow as you like."

He swallowed, visibly nervous, but a flicker of desire lit his gaze as he nodded. "I… want to," he whispered, his voice thick and uncertain. "But… you’ll have to… guide me. I—I've never…"

You silenced him with a soft kiss, feeling his initial tension melt away as he began to respond, hesitant at first, but growing bolder. His hands settled on your waist, his fingers trembling slightly as they rested there. You pulled him closer, letting him feel your warmth, your heartbeat.

You took his hand and guided it over your shoulder, letting him feel the bare skin beneath his fingers. He shivered, his breaths coming faster as he touched you, as if in awe of each sensation. “You’re doing perfectly, Severus,” you murmured against his lips, feeling his heartbeat quicken under your touch. "Just relax… let me show you.”

He nodded, his usual sharpness replaced by a quiet vulnerability that tugged at your heart. “Tell me what to do,” he whispered, his voice laced with both apprehension and desire, his eyes locked on yours, seeking your guidance, your assurance.

You brought his hand to the clasp of your robes, guiding his fingers over it. “Unfasten it,” you whispered, watching as he swallowed nervously, his fingers fumbling slightly before he managed to undo it. His eyes widened as the fabric slipped from your shoulders, his breath catching as he took in the sight of you, his gaze intense and hungry.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice a rough whisper as his hand slid over your skin, hesitant yet yearning. His fingers brushed lightly along your collarbone, down your arm, as though memorizing every inch.

“Yes, Severus,” you replied, guiding his hand lower, letting him feel the way your body responded to his touch. “Just keep going… just like that.”

His gaze darkened with desire, though he still held a hint of nervousness as his fingers traced over your skin, exploring tentatively. “You’re so… beautiful,” he murmured, almost as if he were speaking to himself, his voice filled with awe. His lips followed his hand, trailing soft kisses along your neck, down your shoulder, each one sending a thrill through you.

You could feel his hesitation as he watched you, still caught between the layers of insecurity and wonder. You smiled, letting your fingers trail down the dark, heavy fabric of his robes, resting on the clasp. “Let me help you with this, Severus,” you whispered, your voice gentle, reassuring.

With a flick of your wand, his robes loosened, slipping from his shoulders. He tensed at first, but the sight of your calm, steady gaze softened his resolve. As the fabric pooled around his feet, revealing his long, lean frame, you saw a faint blush color his pale cheeks. He looked away, as if unaccustomed to such vulnerability, such intimacy.

You reached out, tilting his chin gently back toward you, your eyes meeting his. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” you murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw. His dark eyes locked onto yours, searching for reassurance.

Your hands moved to the hem of his shirt, lifting it slowly, savoring the way his chest was exposed to you inch by inch. Beneath the austere fabric, his body was lean and surprisingly defined, a testament to years of discipline and restraint. He shivered as your fingers traced down his chest, his breaths coming faster, uneven.

“Have you… ever experienced a blowjob?” you asked softly, your voice carrying a hint of playful mischief.

Severus swallowed hard, his eyes wide as he shook his head. “No… is that… is that bad?”

You smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his collarbone. “Oh, no,” you murmured, voice filled with reassurance, “that just means I’m going to be the first… the only one to give you that experience.” Your fingers trailed down his torso, resting just above the waistband of his trousers. “And I get the privilege of this view… of seeing you, Severus, like no one else ever has.”

He let out a shaky breath, his fingers gripping your shoulders tightly as you knelt before him. His eyes were locked on you, a mix of fear and anticipation swirling within them. “Are you… are you certain?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, tinged with vulnerability. “I’ve never… I don’t know what to do.”

You looked up at him, offering a reassuring smile. “Just relax, Severus,” you murmured, your voice filled with warmth. “Let me take care of you.”

He nodded, his hands trembling as he watched you, utterly captivated by every movement. You gently tugged his trousers down, your fingers grazing his skin, feeling his muscles tense and then relax under your touch. His reaction—so genuine, so raw—sent a thrill through you as you pressed a gentle kiss to his hip, hearing the sharp intake of his breath.

As you took him into your mouth, you felt him shudder, his hands tangling in your hair. He gasped, his voice rough and breathless. “Merlin… I never thought…” His words trailed off, replaced by a low groan as he closed his eyes, letting the sensation overwhelm him. He tried to keep quiet, but soft, ragged sounds escaped him, each one filled with wonder.

You moved slowly, savoring the way he responded to each touch, each flick of your tongue, guiding him through the pleasure. “Is… is it supposed to feel this…” His words were cut off by another shuddering breath, his hand tightening in your hair as he struggled to stay grounded.

You paused, looking up at him, your lips curling into a gentle smile. “Yes, Severus,” you whispered, “this is exactly how it’s meant to feel.”

As you continued, Severus seemed almost overwhelmed, his usual stoic demeanor melting away with each flick of your tongue, each gentle, attentive movement. His breath came in shuddering gasps, his hands clumsy and unsure as they found your shoulder, then tangled in your hair, gripping tighter as if he feared he might drift away in this unfamiliar sea of sensation. The normally composed Potions Master was unraveling under your touch, his fingers flexing, trembling, his control slipping with each passing second.

Soft curses slipped from his lips, unfiltered and raw, breaking through his usual restraint. “Bloody… Merlin, what…,” he mumbled, his deep voice ragged, tinged with disbelief and awe. Every now and then, he’d catch himself, his mouth snapping shut as if he couldn’t believe what he was saying. But as your lips slid down his length, taking him deeper, his restraint shattered. His voice, usually so composed and cold, was now thick and desperate. “Gods… yes… just like that.”

You tasted the saltiness of his pre-cum, his body betraying just how close he was to losing all control. It spurred you on, urging you to take him deeper, savoring the way he responded to every flick of your tongue, every gentle suck. He groaned, his grip tightening, his other hand reaching to steady himself on your shoulder, his fingers digging into you as he struggled to remain grounded.

“You—” He tried to form a sentence, but his words were lost in a throaty growl, his voice filled with helpless wonder. “You’re… remarkable… utterly… sinful,” he murmured, his tone rough, almost reverent. You glanced up at him, meeting his gaze, and the sight of his dark, half-lidded eyes watching you sent a thrill down your spine.

The intensity of his gaze grew as you continued, his breaths coming faster, each one a raw, guttural sound that made your heart pound. His fingers tangled tighter in your hair as he leaned his head back, surrendering to the pleasure. The sight of Severus Snape, usually so composed and guarded, completely undone before you was a sight you would never forget.

His hips jerked involuntarily as he neared his climax, and you felt his entire body tense, his hand clutching you tightly as he came, his release spilling into your mouth. You took him in fully, feeling the warmth and the weight of his climax as he shuddered, his breath catching in his throat.

Throwing your head back in ecstasy, you swallowed, savoring every taste of him, feeling a sense of satisfaction unlike anything you’d experienced before. When you looked up, he was still catching his breath, his chest heaving, his dark eyes fixed on you with a mixture of amazement and disbelief.

“Merlin… you…” he whispered, his voice barely a breath, his gaze softening as he looked down at you. The vulnerability in his eyes was something rare, something precious, and you felt your heart swell at the sight of him like this, unguarded and exposed.

You rose slowly, moving to stand beside him as he regained his composure, his gaze never leaving yours. He reached out, his hand brushing over your cheek with surprising tenderness, his fingers still trembling slightly. “I’ve… never…” He struggled to find the words, his usual eloquence lost in the aftermath of such intense intimacy. “I never imagined it could feel like that.”

You smiled, reaching up to brush a strand of hair from his face, your own heart pounding as you met his gaze. “You deserved this, Severus,” you murmured, your voice soft, reassuring. “To feel wanted… cherished… you deserve all of it.”

He looked away, his cheeks tinged with a faint blush, but his hand remained on your face, his touch gentle, lingering. “I… thank you,” he whispered, his voice filled with quiet gratitude, a vulnerability he rarely showed.

You leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, feeling him relax beneath your touch, his usual sharpness softened in this rare, unguarded moment. And as you held him, you knew that this night was something that neither of you would ever forget—a night where the enigmatic, guarded Severus Snape allowed himself, for once, to be truly seen.

With a gentle smile, you took Severus’s hand and guided him to the bed, watching as he settled himself beside you, still tentative, his gaze flickering from your face to the bed as if uncertain of what lay ahead. You placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, leaning in to meet his dark, intense eyes.

“We can stop here, if you want,” you murmured, your voice soft and inviting, allowing him the choice. “There’s no rush, Severus.”

But he shook his head, a determined look settling over his features. “No,” he replied, his voice low and sure, his dark eyes meeting yours. “I want to… I want to please you, to make you feel what I just felt—if you’ll… teach me, that is.” A faint blush crept up his cheeks, and his gaze softened, a vulnerable earnestness showing through his usual guarded demeanor.

You couldn’t help but smile, warmth flooding through you at his words. “Oh, so I’m to teach the great Potions Master something new?” you teased, a playful glint in your eyes.

He grumbled under his breath, a hint of that familiar, dry wit shining through. “Must you joke about this?” he murmured, his gaze shifting away for a moment before returning to you, filled with determination.

With a reassuring smile, you rose, slipping your bra off and letting it drop to the floor, followed by your panties, allowing yourself to stand before him completely bare. His gaze lingered, captivated, his dark eyes widening, lips parting slightly as he took in the sight of you. The faint flush returned to his cheeks, and you noticed the way his body responded, his cock beginning to stir once more, reacting to the vision before him.

Slowly, you straddled his thighs, letting him feel the warmth of your body against his. His breath caught, and his hands rested hesitantly at your waist, trembling slightly. You leaned closer, guiding one of his hands to rest between your thighs, over the softness of your skin. “Follow my lead,” you murmured, your voice soothing, reassuring as you held his gaze.

With your guidance, his fingers began to explore, tentative at first. You gently led his hand, letting his fingers slide over your most sensitive spots, rubbing slow circles over your clit. His hand was large, calloused yet gentle, and under your guidance, he began to gain confidence, his movements growing steadier, more assured.

“That’s perfect, Severus,” you whispered, letting out a soft moan as his fingers pressed just right. “Just like that…”

He swallowed, his eyes never leaving yours, dark with desire and wonder. His fingers moved, tentative but increasingly skilled, following every soft instruction you gave him. As he rubbed your clit, you let out a breathy gasp, and his eyes flickered with satisfaction, a hint of pride flashing across his face.

Then, you gently guided one of his fingers inside you, showing him how to curl it just so, the way that made you shiver with pleasure. “Feel that?” you murmured, guiding his hand as he explored you, his touch growing more confident with each movement.

“It’s… incredible,” he breathed, his voice barely a whisper, filled with awe. His dark eyes were intent, focused entirely on you, as though he was determined to memorize every reaction, every shiver, every soft sound that escaped your lips.

With each movement, he grew bolder, curling his fingers inside you, pressing against that sensitive spot that made you gasp, your fingers digging into his shoulders as your body responded to his touch. He watched your reaction, his eyes darkening with desire, his lips parting as he took in the sight of you, writhing beneath his skilled fingers.

“You’re… remarkable,” he whispered, his voice a low, reverent murmur as his fingers continued to move within you, bringing you closer and closer to the edge. “So responsive… so beautiful…”

A shudder ran through you as he leaned in, pressing his lips to your neck, his hand still working you with a practiced precision that sent waves of pleasure through your body. You clung to him, feeling yourself unravel beneath his touch, your breath coming in soft, ragged gasps as he brought you closer to your climax.

“Severus… oh, Merlin…” you gasped, your fingers gripping his shoulders as his hand continued its steady, skillful movements, each stroke and curl sending you spiraling further. The way he learned, the way he responded to your every reaction, was a testament to his brilliance, his meticulous attention to detail.

As your breathing settled, you whispered, "Severus, stop." He froze immediately, his expression shifting from one of raw desire to immediate concern. His fingers withdrew, his gaze searching your face with worry. "Did I… did I hurt you?" he murmured, his voice soft and apprehensive, as if bracing himself for a truth he feared.

You shook your head quickly, reaching up to caress his cheek with a reassuring smile. "No, Severus," you breathed, feeling the weight of your own arousal pulsing through you. "I just… I want to feel you inside me. I want to cum on your cock." The words hung between you, and his face softened with understanding, a hint of vulnerability mingling with his desire. He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing as he absorbed the intensity of your request.

You brushed a soft kiss to his cheek, letting your lips linger as you asked gently, "Would you like to be on top?" He nodded, his gaze darkening with both eagerness and a slight apprehension. The two of you shifted, moving slowly together until he hovered over you, his tall, lean figure casting a shadow over you in the dim candlelight, his piercing eyes filled with a mix of uncertainty and determination.

You watched him, feeling your own anticipation mounting as he took himself in his hand, positioning himself as you spread your legs wider for him, inviting him closer. He paused, meeting your gaze with an unspoken question. “Do you… know what to do?” you asked, your voice a quiet murmur, filled with warmth and understanding.

He nodded, glancing away briefly, a faint flush creeping up his pale cheeks. “Yes… I’ve read about it,” he admitted, his voice almost hesitant. “There were… books… illustrations, even. I know that… when two wizards connect like this, sometimes… the magic between them manifests in strange ways. Unstable at times, powerful.” His gaze flickered back to you, his dark eyes searching. “It’s… intense.”

You nodded, pulling him closer, feeling his heat against you as you whispered, “Yes, exactly. It’s a bond—an exchange of magic as well as bodies. Sometimes, it can even… explode.” His breath hitched as he pressed himself against your entrance, feeling the heat of you drawing him in. You reached up, brushing a stray lock of hair from his face as he hesitated, his voice a whisper.

“Will it… hurt?” he asked, his gaze vulnerable, revealing a hint of that nervousness beneath his composed exterior. You stroked his cheek softly, meeting his eyes with a reassuring smile.

“No, Sev,” you murmured. “For me, maybe… but for you, it won’t hurt. Just… let yourself feel it.” You pulled him closer, wrapping your legs around his waist as you encouraged him to press forward.

His gaze never left yours as he slowly began to slide inside you, his fingers tightening against your waist as he let out a shuddering breath. “Merlin… you’re… so warm,” he murmured, his voice rough with wonder and desire, as he sank deeper, inch by inch, his control unraveling with each passing second. The sensation sent a shiver through both of you, a hum of magic sparking and swirling around you, brushing against your skin like a living thing.

As he moved, finding a rhythm, you could feel his hesitation begin to melt, replaced by something raw and powerful, a hunger he had never allowed himself to feel before. His movements grew bolder, each thrust driving him deeper, filling you completely, his breath heavy as he let himself fall into the rhythm, his dark eyes intent on yours, the vulnerability fading, replaced by unrestrained desire.

"Gods… you feel… incredible,” he whispered, his voice thick, a mixture of awe and disbelief as he pressed deeper, his fingers tracing down your sides. The magic between you seemed to respond to his every movement, pulses of energy surging with each thrust, filling the room with a faint hum, crackling with intensity.

You arched against him, matching his rhythm, savoring the way he filled you, the way his body pressed so perfectly against yours, fitting together as if made to be one. His hand gripped your thigh, pulling you closer as he moved, a soft groan escaping him as he began to lose himself, his control slipping further with each passing moment.

“Severus… you’re perfect,” you whispered, gasping as you felt his thrusts grow harder, more desperate, his breaths coming faster as he buried himself deeper, the magic swirling around you, igniting with each thrust. His gaze locked onto yours, filled with a primal intensity, a fierce possessiveness that sent a thrill through you.

With each thrust, you could feel the magic building, crackling and surging, an overwhelming wave of energy rising between you both. His pace quickened, each movement more intense, more powerful, his voice a low growl as he whispered, “You’re… mine… only mine.”

“Yes, Severus,” you gasped, your fingers clutching his shoulders as you felt yourself nearing the edge, the magic between you sparking wildly, filling the room with a radiant, pulsing glow. His hands tightened on your hips as he drove into you with a desperate, hungry fervor, his face flushed, his breathing ragged.

And then, as you both reached that peak, the magic exploded, a blinding surge of energy flooding the room. Glass shattered, every fragile object in his chambers breaking as the wave of power swept through, leaving nothing untouched. You cried out, clinging to him as the energy surged through both of you, binding you together in an unbreakable, consuming bond.

When the intensity faded, you found yourself lying together, both of you breathless, bodies entwined, your skin still tingling from the lingering effects of the magic. Severus looked down at you, his expression softened, a mixture of wonder and disbelief in his gaze.

“Did… did we just…?” he whispered, his voice filled with awe, as if unable to believe the depth of what you had shared.

You smiled, reaching up to brush a hand along his cheek. “Yes, Sev,” you murmured, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your fingers. “That… was us.”

Severus glanced around the dimly lit bedroom, his dark eyes sweeping over the shattered remnants of glass scattered across the floor. The faint glow from the still-flickering candlelight reflected off broken pieces—a mead bottle lay in shards by the nightstand, a few cracked potion vials scattered near the bed, and fragments of other glass objects glistened in the shadows.

His lips curved into a wry smirk, and he let out a quiet, exasperated sigh. "Well," he said, his voice a low, rich murmur, "it appears I’ll have to use the Reparo spell quite liberally this evening. I do hope you’re pleased with yourself."

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, snuggling closer into his embrace, feeling the warmth of his lean, solid frame against yours. His sarcasm only endeared him to you further, especially in this vulnerable, unguarded moment. “Oh, I am,” you replied, your voice filled with teasing satisfaction as you looked up at him. “And I think you are too, even if you’re too stubborn to admit it.”

A faint blush crept up his pale cheeks, barely visible in the candlelight, and he quickly looked away, as if the sight of you, so close and so content, was too much to take in. “That’s… hardly the point,” he muttered, trying to keep his usual cold indifference, though it softened with every second he spent with you.

You traced a gentle finger along his jawline, feeling the slight stubble beneath your touch, savoring the rare, unguarded look in his eyes as he met your gaze. “Severus, I think it’s exactly the point,” you murmured, brushing a soft kiss against his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin. “I’ve never seen you so… carefree.”

He scoffed, though his tone held none of its usual harshness. “Carefree is hardly a word one would use to describe me,” he replied dryly, though the faint hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “But perhaps, just this once, I can allow it.”

You smiled, pressing yourself closer to him, letting your head rest against his chest as his arm wrapped around you, holding you gently. “I think I quite like this version of you, Severus. The one who lets himself relax… who lets himself be cared for.”

His fingers traced absent patterns along your shoulder, his other hand coming up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear as he looked down at you, his piercing dark eyes softening, filled with a warmth he so rarely showed. “Only for you,” he murmured, his deep voice quiet and steady, a confession wrapped in simplicity. “You’re the only one who’s ever seen me like this… the only one who’s ever truly cared to.”

You reached up, cupping his face, your thumb grazing over his sharp cheekbone as you took in the rare vulnerability in his expression. “I’ll always care, Severus,” you whispered, meeting his gaze with all the sincerity you felt. “And I think, perhaps, you’re worth more than even you realize.”

A faint smile touched his lips, and for a moment, he allowed himself to bask in the comfort of your touch, the warmth of your words. “Perhaps,” he murmured, his voice filled with a quiet wonder as he looked down at you, almost as if he couldn’t quite believe this moment was real. “Perhaps I am.”

The chalk squeaked under your hand as you wrote on the board, the words of today’s History of Magic lesson taking shape in neat, tidy letters. You’d always preferred doing things by hand rather than relying on magic for every little task, a habit most of your students found a bit old-fashioned but charming. As you worked, the low murmur of conversation floated around the classroom, a hum you usually silenced with a single glance. However, today, you found yourself allowing the chatter to continue, as it seemed to be centered around a rather intriguing subject.

“Did you hear about Snape today?” a Gryffindor whispered to his friend, a mixture of disbelief and excitement in his tone. “He didn’t take a single point from Martin after he melted his cauldron in Potions! Just told him to be more careful next time.”

“What?” another Hufflepuff gasped, turning wide-eyed to her neighbor. “Snape didn’t yell at him? Are you sure we’re talking about the same Snape?”

“Positive,” the Gryffindor replied, nodding eagerly. “He just seemed… relaxed, almost like he didn’t care. The whole class was holding their breath, waiting for him to start docking points, but he didn’t.”

The gossip spread quickly, whispers of Snape’s newfound calm weaving through the classroom like a spell. You felt a smirk tugging at the corners of your lips as you continued writing on the board, your face carefully turned away from the students to hide your amusement. So, all it took to soften Severus’s edges was a little bit of intimacy, was it?

“Well, maybe he’s in a good mood for once,” one of the Hufflepuffs muttered. “But still… this is Snape we’re talking about. Something must have happened to make him this way.”

“Think he’s sick?” a Gryffindor asked, her voice laced with genuine concern, as though the idea of a kinder Snape had unsettled her deeply.

Biting your lip to keep from laughing, you continued to jot down the day’s topic, hiding your amusement behind a pretense of focus. If only they knew the truth. You had spent the night unraveling those tense lines of Severus’s, peeling back layer after layer of the man he kept hidden from the world. Beneath his cool exterior, you’d found passion, vulnerability, and an intense desire to be seen for who he truly was. And now, it seemed, a few traces of that newfound peace had followed him into the daylight.

Another Gryffindor chimed in, her tone hushed but filled with amazement. “Do you think it could be… love?” she whispered, her eyes wide, as if such a notion were almost too fantastical to believe.

“Love? For Snape?” her friend snickered, rolling his eyes. “Please. Snape doesn’t have time for things like love.”

You turned back to the class, raising a brow as you caught their startled expressions. “If you’re quite done discussing Professor Snape’s private life, we do have a lesson to cover,” you said, your tone light but pointed. The students quickly quieted, a few exchanging sheepish glances, though one or two looked as if they still weren’t quite over the shock of Snape’s unusual behavior.

As you resumed the lesson, your thoughts drifted, replaying fragments of last night: Severus’s tentative touch, his whispered confessions, the way he’d looked at you with such awe and vulnerability. It was hard to reconcile that tender, exposed version of him with the intimidating Potions Master your students were so accustomed to.

In your mind, you could almost hear Severus’s low, velvety voice, laced with that familiar sarcasm. “I suppose this new softness is all thanks to you, then?” he might have murmured, his eyes narrowing as he gave you one of his dry, unimpressed looks. The thought made you smile, knowing that you held a secret version of Severus that no one else would ever see, a version hidden behind his usual cold mask.

You moved to the side of the classroom, letting the students dive into their assigned readings. As you glanced out the window, your mind wandered back to Severus’s chambers, to the way his guard had melted away in the dim candlelight. You wondered if he realized just how much he’d allowed himself to let go, even if just for a night.

Well, Severus Snape, you thought with a quiet chuckle, it seems you’ll just have to get used to the idea that you, too, are deserving of softness.

[thanks-for-the-crabapples]

Initial thoughts while watching arcane s2 act 1, spoilers below

Ep 1:

Literally in disbelief that Mel ended up alive, surely thought they were going to kill her and thus spark off Ambessa's arc

Absolutely unhinged that Viktor's last wish was for Jayce to destroy the hexcore and he uses it to save his life. There will surely be no repercussions from this action

Caitlyn and Vi hugging stfuuuuuuu

I really wish we had gotten to see Caitlyn defending Vi to the Enforcers instead of just hearing about it. I think that would've been really helpful for Cait's arc as well as made their future rift more impactful :/

That chem baron attack had me on the edge of my seat !! If they actually killed Mel in that moment I would've been so mad that I wondered about her for three years then found out she was alive then saw her die.... not yet at least :|

Okay but was the chem baron lady always that fit? Like,,,,hello

Cait and Vi fighting together is *chef's kiss*

Made a joke that Ambessa was late to the party cause she was watching her own music video to hype herself up. If only :(

Caitlyn storming in and claiming herself as a decorated officer and leader of House Kiramman to get her way holyyyyyy shit girl get it

Ep 2

These little differently animated opens are so slay

Very fun to see behind the curtain of this power grab. Love Sevika saying they don't give up their own people. She has changed somehow??

Super fun watching Sevika and Jinx reminisce about being Silco's henchwomen. They say behind every strong man, lol

Viktor waking up?!?!? Hehe he's nakey. They made Jayce give him a blanket so we wouldn't know about his arcane pee pee, sad

Affection that held us together??? Yaoi

They just love throwing more and more irreparable moments at Vi and Jinx's relationship huh? Talking about the arcade and how sad Jinx was to see Vi as an Enforcer using the gas :((((

Caitlyn's rage??? Okay girl go off. Let us see your rage. I support women's wrongs

Jinx's line about taking out the only family she has left kill me

Viktor as Jesus is not what I was expecting but I'm here for it

Ep 3:

So fascinated by the Kiramman lore and The Gray

Also, just have to say that the intro is so good and I never would have expected comfortable clothes for everyone but it's giving. Whoever put Cait in a black turtle neck thank youuuu

*kinda blacked out and missed stuff in this episode cause* CAITVI KISS LETS GO HAJAFHSJSKFK

Scientist team up is delightful

Definitely thought the temple fight was gonna be ep 9, very interesting fight and dynamic, it makes me very sad :(

"You're not my sister" ahhhhhhhh

I've taken ventilation classes before and idk how Jinx made the air do that lol

Cait and Vi break up scene, hundreds dead thousands injured. It's me, I'm dead

I'm so ready to witness all of Caitlyn's wrongs

Def blacked out most of ep 3 and missed quite a bit of note taking cause so much was happening. Can't wait to go back and process it all again. Until then I'm going to keep wallowing

[decaffeinatedcandycane]

T1f1 bad traits (in my opinion. Not based on game lore.)

Starting strong with Captain John "I know what is best for you" Price

It has been talked about it in here a lot. This issue stems from John "knowing" everything and dictating people left and right. His partner is no exception.

Micromanagement king.

You gotta speak some serious boundaries with this man or he will guide you and correct you just as much as he will spoil you.

The captain is very perceptive and passionate. Sometimes this passion can turn into obsession. So be aware, if you lit a certain fire within him, he can accidentally burn you with it.

Simon Ghost Riley is our number two. Reboot version - creature of habit - his "own" habit. He will annoying you with his everyday routine and will take a long, long, long time to change it.

Not because he doesn't want to, but because it is hard for him to switch habits.

This includes "forgetting his partner exists", for like the first two weeks of your relationship.

He is loyal like a dog, but will literally your existence. May even tackle you to the ground, after you move in with him, because he though you are an intruder.

Will take your stuff, without asking, so he can have your scent and get used to you.

Also, very mean humor. If he likes you, he will make fun of you, with appropriate, only for him, jokes. (This is how he tests the waters)

Will move your relationship faster. Absolute cavemen behavior. (Blame it on efficiency)

Soap Mactavish. The Sergent, not the captain. ( for the captain, combine all you read about the sergent, minus the energy and passion. He has that tamed, since, well, he is a captain)

I am sorry, but he is a nuisance. Annoying boyfriend energy and clingy af. Loud, proud and always at your hip. On the plus side - he can do tricks on command.

Like a husky, he will whine and test your patience, and boundaries.

Has A LOT of energy. Basically Sanderson on steroids. Jumps and smacks you out of nowhere.

He does not know his own strength, sometimes you wondering he everything a human being, or how his bunkies are still alive?

He is just like an annoying younger sibling, with the exception that he is your boyfriend.

And but not least,

Gaz

Fire, fire, fire.

You see how he speaks in campaing?

Guess how bitchy in everyday life he is. And he gets easily pissed especially after a long deployment.

You can't win an argument against him, even if you strip naked.

He will still hit it, but.... will keep arguing while doing so.

Yes, you are not safe.

Gaz is sassy and feels things pretty deeply. So I would be careful if I was you. Do not piss that boy off.

Also, if he headbutts with Price, or Price offers his opinion on you (paw paw is also the king of unsolicited advice) and Gaz dislikes it, he will get snappy at you. So I would avoid him, if he is in a mood.

Konig is not in the task force, but idgaf so let's go.

Very straight forward, blunt and egotistical. Kind of like Price, minus the empathy.

Will refuse to help, after he told you something didn't work and you did it anyway.

Will cave in after he remembers you are not a soldier and are someone he loves. (Or when you get mad at him)

He will get to his emotional side, eventually and drop the ego act, but until then - you are stuck with him being an ass.

I wanna say narcissist, but not quite. Idk. (Will leave that undone here, not elaborate and fuck off to the next character)

Andre Nikto

Hehe

Lose screws. A lot of them scattered around on the floor.

He is psychotic, has voices in his head and takes his medication if they all feel like it.

Trusts no one.

Will make a move on you after he makes sure they (him plus the voices) won't accidentally or on purpose hurt, or kill you.

It is complicated.

Very forward. Takes decisions and acts fast. Some say, he is a daredevil, but nobody dares to dare him to say for sure. Hehe

Expect lots of jealousy, insecurity and macho energy for him. Traditional man.

Likes when you talk to him and ask how all of them are, and group discuss (yes, you have group discussions) about whatever you want. Soooo, that's a plus. And, you have more opinions on something, so you see more sides.

Also, some voices side with you all the time, so, yeah, you got it.

He isn't THAT disfigured, but he is disfigured. He has a face, but some parts may be missing.

And he is VERY sensitive about the issues. Proceed with caution.

Gabriel T. Rorke

He is the man and will not stop showing it. Chavilerity (can't spell that), handyman behavior....mansplaining who?

He means well, just doesn't realize how annoying he is being.

At least you house is fixed.

Also, lots of trauma. He has night terrors, which he says he doesn't have (loves being tough) and will use you as his therapist.

Sorry girl, but if you get him talking, he is Sharing...sharing.

Protective and will tell men to back off of you, when needed ( it is not needed, he is just jealous and wants the pricks away from you)

[texasbama]

After sitting with the episode all day, I do have some overall thoughts.

the pacing was terrible. we spent so much time on each of the emergencies that the personal scenes felt so quick. it felt like watching a tennis match. we just went back n forth, back n forth between emergencies and the personal stuff so quickly that it was almost like getting whiplash. this show has struggled with that in the past. most times, the balance is there and the episode flows, but last night it was all over the place.

I loved Madney and the reveal that Maddie is pregnant. 10/10. can't wait for more of them as they go through this second pregnancy. the situation is so different, they as characters are so different this go round. so excited for that.

Eddie. my pookie bear. This is the first time this season we have gotten time to see how Eddie is coping with Chris being gone. we've seen glimpses but we got a little more. emphasis on the word little. this was a good first step in what I hope is more of Eddie's self love journey. Shaving the stache and his cute self dancing around in his underwear was adorable but I do hope this is just the tip of the iceberg for Eddie this season. Eddie still has so much work to do on himself and I hope they explore that and dont just act as if two conversations with Hot Priest was enough to "fix him". idk i guess we'll see.

as for the Buck of it all. I stand by the idea that this show made it clear that this relationship with Tommy was not going to last. However. In the scope of the episode, the way they broke them up was the definition of lazy writing. If the breakup was inevitable, I feel like they could've come up with something better than what we got. It's no secret that I didn't care for the relationship or Tommy, but even so, it was quite abrupt and the dialogue in their last scene had me like ???? cause why is Buck talking about the gays of the past and shit like that. then asking him to move in and alluding to Tommy being his last....idk it was just....weird. Tbh I don't care enough about the relationship to look beyond that. it is what it is. it's done. so that begs the question of what's next for Buck? cause lowkey I kind of get the sense that the writers don't know where tf they wanna go with the character so. I need them to figure that shit out.