#Id lose everything. Id lose people I care about bc I know

[fluffs-n-stuffs]

/vent in tags

but prof sycamore also looked very cute in this pic here and I wanted to share it

eepy french man

[mrfoox]

At one hand i know.... Me expecting nothing of other people is helpful for me, I also wish I didn't do it.... Like I can't ever be sure about how peo feel about me. I think of people as friends after 10 conversations, but I never call someone else my friend until they call me that. Because I'm worried they don't actually see me as that/don't care much about me....

[rabbitshat]

I have such a devious little idea, imagine with me if you will.

RiseTMNT and Arcane AU

Theres no Rise Mystic/Magic, its all Arcane cannon magic

The hidden city becomes the Undercity/Zaun and NewYork is replaced by Piltover.

Humans are first class citizens, Yokai live in the Undercity as second class citizens and Mutants are third class.

Donnie(20) my beloved with spinal issues bcs of some accident in his youth working his ass off to gain footing in Piltover and trying to make the world a better place for the people in the Undercity(a Viktor replacement in a way). He left the Undercity about five years ago.

The rest of the turtles have to steal from humans, as one does, to survive. But when that stops being a reliable source of money for food (necessities in the Undercity are suuuper over priced, even to Piltover standars, but what are they gonna do? Go up top and buy there? Thats a joke.) Raph(23) goes to work for Big Mama and gains her as a patron in a way. Hes still massive and a scary bastard, he has a side hustle in the BloodDome as one of its best fighters.

Leo's(20) leader of the Firelights, a real revolutionary that one. After Raph started to work for BigMama, Leo took the reigns as Mike's(17) big bro. He started to gain a sort of street rep similar to Raph's, but in a much more "family man" kind of way. He is known to have loyalty that kills, the family comes first and if someone --even if they themselves are a part of the family-- threatens his family (especially the younger ones) they will face a painful death.

Mike's(17) know as the Icarus but simultaneously the Sun of the Undercity. He's a dreamer and almost all teens his age in the city love to hate him. The kids love him and his art of course, he even might teach you how to run the rooftops. But the teens hate how untouched by the cruel life in the Undercity he seems, there's a lot of prejudice in those thoughts in the "how dare a mutant be so care free". Of course they cant really DO anything to him, what with Leo and Raph's reputations on the streets (even if BigRed isnt around all that much) but they go to extreme lengths to ostracize him.

Splinter, a very reputable and beloved Council member that got mutated by ~mysterious circumstances~ that runs away to the Undercity only to find the four brothers.

Imagine with me, Donnie on the bridge that connects the Undercity Leo beside him begging him to cone home. He tells him how isolated Mike is, how Raph has been working and fighting for BigMama. How he needs to just come home so they can finally be a family again. A lie he knows all too well, he tells it to himself everytime he catches a glance of Raph on the more seedy parts of the Undercity standing over a beat up yokai, the pink glow of BigMama's drug enhancements reflecting off the alley's walls. He repeats it every time he sees the other teens ridicule Mike as if he were some sort of vermin.

If Donnie, his brother, his twin just comes home everything will be ok again. Its been so long and his back looks so much worse, and please just leave it all behind and come home.

Its an unfair ask, he knows that, its selfish but he cant do this anymore.

"I cant, i have a lot left to do still. I promised you id only go back when i found a way to make life better for everyone. And i did! I just need time-"

"How much time do you STILL need Donnie?! Its been five years! Mike's not a little kid anymore- hes seventeen! I almost cant recognize Raph anymore, Dad's gone and it feels like im losing YOU. What? Do you think you fit better up here?! Are you better than us now that you 'made it' up here?! Are you one of the good ones just because you have something to give them?!"

Its an ugly fight, words were said and their already fragile bond feels like someone took a serrated bread knife and cut into it a thousand times.

Leo has never wanted to die more than the day the news of the Council being blown up reaches his ears, the day the people of Zaun celebrated the start of a battle for freedom. The day he thought his brother was dead and the last thing they did together was fight.

(I haven't watched the new Arcane season but im very exited to lol)

[triplegoths]

untagged

i cant fucking take living like this anymore

i cant do it i have to end it soon theres literally nothing for me here anymore. its too much to do. im never gonna fucking have another close in real life relationship.

i want to just like order some food at work so im not more miserable being here but i dont have the strength or stomach to eat something. ill eventually try maybe. i dont know. the drugs make me not eat like a fucking sick dog already and everything rn just says i dont deserve it

i have no motive or energy to do anything but work or somethimes playing a game but even that were usually unable bc were too tired.

whats the fucking issue with me!!!! i just dont give a shit anymore i dont want to do anything nothing makes me happy everythinf eventually juat makes me feel scared and sick and weird. every time i try to make fun or have plans it goes horrible and it just feels worse so i wont anymore ill just fucking rot alone like life wants me to

nobody here can help me and if i could i couldnt afford it so who fucking cares its cheaper to kill myself and lose the body so they dont need funeral costs. theyd misgender and shave me anyway probably

im just so fucking over it all im never gonna be happy like this. i got nothing. theres no good its just working til i fucking kill myself and putting myself through fuxking agony constantly for a life that continues to just KICK AND KICK AND KICK AND KICK me when im fucking down. i cant handle anything else happening. im trying so hard to get things done and theres just fuxking nothing. i will never ever be enough and ill never feel enough.

doesnt matter what or when or the circumstance its so depressing that its not just romantic relations too im so fuckinf scared in groups i automatically feel unwelcome and hated and like i should just go off by myself because im literally so unlikeable and everything has proved it forever. like genuinely as soon as i realized there were more than 2 people i got terrified and started questioning everythinf i did and wanted to run away bc i felt like i wasnt meant to be there and it was ovipus and i was being annoying like fucking ALWAYS GOD IM SO SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS can i just shut up forever? dirk please come back to front im tired of annoying all the people who so graciously allow me to exist around them so i dont have to be in such crushing loneliness all the time i feel like such a fucking baby and everybody probably thinks im such an annoying drug addict too can i just quit it and fucking feel and then kill myself already when i realize its worse

like im never gonna be able to afford any of the shit i need to heal and i dont even wanna try bc ill get 3 appointments in and will run out of money and continue doing that and then ill die bc i cant afford anything else. like why would i do that to myself ill just suffer like this and just do my best forever til i can only rot. id rather get it fuckinf over with and just die now. this isnt a life

i go frm one box go another. rotting. i rot at home alone or i go to work alone. i dont really go out. i dont really talk to anybody. i dont really see anybody. i have 1 irl friend who talks to me and lives in town. the other i dont see her often and honestly feel so embarassed of myself around her because of how i am that i can barely convince myself to see her sometimes even if she is in town. the other person is one of my exs and he doesnt give a shit about me he just wants sex bc thats the only thing im good for. i feel like i just annoy and make everybody uncomfortable conwtantly i dont wanna do it anymore i want to shut up

i always do it i always just talk endlessly frm the second i fucking could before most kids could talk even and i just never shut up did i? my parents were always annoyed by me talking about things that brought me joy (and they never believed me for things that were upsettinf and it was just fake and i needed to be quiet about it bc theyre not taking me to the doctor. so i stopped talking about it to my family and everybody else in my life in that era did the same. the bullies. my friends who ignored me. no matter the form it was always like that i just need to learn to keep quiet and go away and not need anything ever again. i couldnt fucking learn it every time i got a red or yellow card for talking (usually trying to ask questions bc i didnt understand or couldnt see or couldnt hear in elementary school. or to make conversation bc i was friendly and had no friends and my parent didnt play with me so i was lonely. nobody ever liked me bc i was weird. i feel like such a bitter dickhead but i get so jealous when i see that people talk to others every day. especially in person. im so fucking alone i literally get so excited when people want to call with me even if it makes me really scared (and sometimes if im not comfortable enough or feeling sad i will run a away from that too because im so scared to fuckinf annoy people and say something stupid or be boring or trying too hard or just fucking being a total downer because theres nothing good ever going on for me. i got so depressed goin on bsky today and seeing everyone playing webfishing when i cant. but even so lik.e maybe im glad i djdnt join bc one of them was in a big group with new mut and then all strangers so like. its better i wasnt able to bc i would probably jusg feel worse and run away frm everyone bc i feel inadequate snd guilty for taking up space. i always feel like im bothering everyone no matter what. fuck my exhusband in general but he also made me so much more insecure than i was already. he made me feel so annoying and he broke my communication. i was alone with him and JUST him for so long. i could only communicate in nonsense phrases sometimes (literal jibberish not memes) because thats all he would respond to or wouldnt talk to me until i did. he changed my whole pattern of speech and i still almost lapse into it sometimes. it was never any kind of real conversation about anything i felt like it withered my brain. nothing ever in depth just stupid sensless bullshit and jokes (that were often insulting me and made me feel like shit) and i was doing it for fucking nothing because everything else sucked too!!!! the only time there was ever a conversation was when i was BEGGING HIM to stop sometbing or do something for the millionth time. or him defending himself or trying to force my support and trigger my ocd (i genuinely think he was trying to make it worse he never respected it ever he mever respected a single part of me) or him fighting with me on something again (usually the thing was due to him and i just was not being forgiving and quiet and turning off my emotions enough about it. learned numb happiness)

my existence is like a plague and theres nothing here for me. theres even less left of me after he got done with me. he stripped my personality all the way down and forcef me to mirror him. everythinf will always be rotted and ill feel like a horrid shell of a person any time im near anyone. the only option is being alone. maybe this time i will learn and just fuxking stop all of this so we can stop being a curse on everybody. even if i could afford mental help theres nobody that can help me here so its all a waste. i feel like everybody will just hurt me again. doesnt even have to be a partner i feel like every single person is gnna realize sooner or later that im not worth it or they dont like me (ir even hate me) and that im just too fucking annoying to be around

i dont want to be annoying anymore. i wish it was like right after he went to prison again when i didnt have anything and was an empty shell and had nothing to say or talk about that wasnt venting. i wish i never got back some of my "sparkle" or whatever the fuck people call it. mines not a sparkle. its a noxious cloud of toxic annoyance fumes and everybody just has to keep their masks up til i vacate the area. why would i ever fucking want this to come back. i need to shut the fuck up i really do. just take our personality and every crumb of joy again im so sick of it. make it so i dont have any of those thoughts to even post. thus sparing everyone from having to be like "UGH this motherfucker AGAIN. does he ever shut the fuck up? is he ever quiet? can he just log off already? this guy definitely has no life. why does he always have to butt into everything"

that way i can just post like. the shortest most boring updates ever like "back to work! only 3 days this week for the 39 hours. more time off is always good" and then shut up for days and then "got paid nice. going to the bank and then grabbing a few groceries" like thats do much better. nobody needs to fucking know man its sad and depressing and all the same OR you are the most obnoxious prick on any site youre ever and you ruin everybodys day when theyre forced to see you in their notifs or on their timeline

ive probably already muted me bc it didnt even take a week for me to just talk way too muxh when none of of it is important and nobody wants to hear it

even if im not allowed to talk frm my body. its already annoying enough in text and then psyically i just stutter and trip over myself or cant think or forget what i was saying

i wanna delete everything i have and crawl into the earth. i hate being alive. the one time i find something that makes me happy even the littlest bit i cant do it anymore. disallowed by the universe and painfully reminded of the fact im supposed to alone and theres actually nothing for me. it doesnt get better for me it only gets worse. and it makes me feel stupid for believing it could even though thats few and far between. theres nothing left for me i need to just get whatever drugs i decide on and have one last hoorah and take enough to kill me. which hopefully wont even be that hard because im mixing downers and uppers constantly so like its only a matter of time right. my nose hurts and i feel like crying and my body is killing me again so im taking both things again. one for pain. one for maybe like. a little bit of energy but mainly so i dont feel so absolute shit. i just want it all to stop i dont wanna get better anymore im sick of it every time i try i get fucking worse or am crushed by something else even harder than before im DONE WITH IT IM FUCKING OVER IT i just wanna end it theres nothing fucking here for me im never making it. im sick of trying. im sick of always helping even while going through the wordt shit imaginable. im not sick of it. i want to help and i love helping. but it makes me fucking SICK to think about how ive spent my whole life caring for others. have been let down or ignored or told i was lying or had them hurt me instead so many times over i just fucking wish i was important enough to have gotten help when i needed it. to be listened to enough for somebody to even acknowledge or believe there is an issue (or simply convince me im overreacting)

it was fucking stupid of me to think my last ditch effort of doing art school because every other thing i failed miserably at because im too stupid and cant do enough and dont have the support. it doesnt even fucking matter bc my body is slowly and slowly getting closer to just saying "no fuck you" to the art i NEVER HAD TIME TO MAKE TO MY FULL ABILITY IN THE FIRST PLACE. and then ill never be able to do it ever again because i cant get help

i am going to die knowing i never finished a single thing in my life and nobody will ever know what i was capable of.

i want to die in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible because its what i deserve. its the only thing i truly deserve. i need to endanger myself more than i already do obviously its not killing me fast enough if im still kicking and dragging myself across the pavement. i should be dragged along the pavement by a semitruck instead.

i wanna kill myself so bad tonight man. im gonna try not to bc my friend really needs me rn. but i really might relapse. im so fucking tired i want to just go and sleep but ill stay up just for that. i should just cut a vein already why do i care about beinf careful. there was a thing i wanted to do... cut myself with a razor right after i use it to chop **** because maybe itll make me feel good when im not or just fuck my heart enough to make me faint or do smth stupider

ive been writing this for so long im fucking done. i got 2.5 more hours here. i hope i find my mouse when i go home so i change my mind but i honestly really just want to end it right now. im at the end of the line really. im gonna work til i die and never get a break

"everyday it feels like noone sees and noone knows. every day i kinda wanna cancel the show." /lyr

please for the love of god like this if you read all of it i just spilled my whole guts and not even well

[simpofmanymen]

Missed this

Nah bc. missed Tumblr so goddamn much.

Back though. and I bring you my saw franchise hyper fixation I've had for like 2 months

Saw is so fun to hyper fixate on bc I swear if you love knowing everything about ur fixation Saw will make you go brrrrr I've watched it for so long now over and over they're just romcoms now ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝) Gordon and Adam losing it but they're being baby girls I don't care. And I honestly think id survive these later Saw traps man, just fucking listen to the voice! what are you doing! bro said "Don't help her" aight, I'm out, bai. At that point you should know to do that with how many people have gotten out recently, just fucking do what he asks. and when I mean later I mean like Hoffman era, maybe Gordon, But mainly Hoffman, not even just bc I simp for Costas but genuinely, Mark tells you the rules straight up and gives you instructions JUST LISTEN AND DO IT. Sure will be getting hurt but DUH IT'S JIGSAW, that's his whole thing "( – ⌓ – ) Lemme know if you'd survive, and be honest, Live or die?

[vee-lociraptor]

hey idk how well-verses u are on isat lore but i am exceedingly curious about 2 things so id you have answers id love to hear them

1- was everything always black and white ? is there a way to add or remove color ? and if so is that important at all to the plot ?

2- how did siffrin lose their eye (unless they were just born like that which is cool too)

flapping my hands i am indeed Well Versed in the isat lore!! under the cut bc i dont want to spoil a mutual who hasnt seen some of this

so for the first question, canonically colors used to exist in the isat universe. there's a lot of theories about how this happened, like a war or a craft experiment gone terribly wrong named canonically, but no one knows for sure. in the secret library that you have to access to find a spell there's a book on color theory, and while characters are generally aware of the idea that colors existed at one point they are not particularly interested in this. it's kind of like the current idea that the world used to look entirely different i guess. generally understood as a concept, some people study it, but the average person has too many other things to think about to care or acknowledge this much at all beyond it being a vague idea.

HOWEVER!! colors are seen at two (2) points in the game. one at a moment where siffrin is trying to remember something that can't be remembered and another at the end of the game when the world is breaking. the only other book on color theory in the game is in the observatory, a room where you get some of siffrin's lore. in this book it's discussed that very rarely, people are known to see a weird shade in times of immense trouble, or when something breaks. so colors do still kind of exist? there's red at two points in the game, when siffrin's mind is breaking and when the world is ending.

second question!! this one's less fun and kind of just makes me sad. siffrin lost his eye shortly after he met bonnie. there was a sadness (monster) coming after bonnie and they were the only one fast enough to get there on time. the sadness took out his eye instead of killing bonnie. there's more to it than that and the game goes into detail about how this affected bonnie and siffrin and bonnie's relationship in a way i think is really neat but that's the gist of it

[fizzywashere87]

Pros and Cons of Dating Fizzy

notes: i decided to make a compare and contrast post for me?? why the fuck not cuzzos. this is some form of self advertisement and im not above it. (im off limits and a minor)

M. List

Pros:

i will be very loyal towards you

if i like you a lot, i won't get an ick -unless it's something SUPER bad but even then i tend to let red flags pass over me.

i'm a good listener when i want to be -if i rlly like you again, i would always want to be

i'd do literally anything and everything for you

id buy you gifts and pretend not to care if you didn't like it

i don't keep secrets of mine from you -unless i CANT say anything, then, sorry

you don't have to do much to gain my trust if i like you a lot -that doesn't stop intrusive thoughts.

i'll adjust to your needs after studying your behavior

i have a good memory so i'll remember certain topics you bring up -likes, dislikes, facts you share, a story you tell me about.

i'll defend you should anyone try to do or say anything bad about you -i'll throw hands for you

i am not a dry texter most of the time so you'll have an interesting convo for the most part

it doesn't take much for forgiveness if i'm rlly down bad -i don't forget tho

you get goodmorning/night texts

giving you my hairtie/bracelets and spraying perfume on it -i'll pretend not to notice if you don't wear them

A Double-Edged Sword:

i'm blunt - i could be overly blunt but at least i'll be deadass with u

ill drop my needs for yours -if you rlly care then you'd be sad abt this i think

i struggle to pick up certain implications -you can probably use that to your advantage

i've learnt to mask really well to adaptto your personality - you wont rlly know how i'm feeling unless i choose to let you know

i'm attached to you -maybe too clingy? if you tell me to fuck off i will tho

i'll take what you say literally most of the time

i'll brag to my friends about you -i might also complain if you make me sad

i put my family before you

i have a hard time saying no a lot of the times

i hold onto promises -i keep mine tho

i'm kinda stubborn

i do dangerous shit -it has the potential for entertainment but if u rlly care then the downside is that i might get hurt over a simple dare

'are you sure?' x100

i laugh at everything -you could end up thinking ur funny bc i laughed so you go retell that joke to ANYONE else and realize my humor is shit and you are not funny :|

i send you memes/videos and go 'us' -it could get annoying

i'll pester you to take care of yourself -it could get annoying. also i do not take my own advice

i can be rlly protective but not like super alpha sigma dw

i'll want to wear your hoodies/shirts

my standards are dangerously low -you don't have to do much

i put myself down a lot -this could end up funny

Cons:

at least once a week i'll ask you if you're gonna leave me

i have underlying health complications that show up at the worst times ever

i am not funny -and it's worse cuz i'll actively be trying

i'm very specific about A LOT and i'll lose my shit if my shit isn't together -yes this has potential to become your problem

i will not tell you what i need from you -i just won't. unless you pester me for way too long

i'll assume you'll leave me at some point -this is regardless to your answer to the first bullet point

i WILL complain about my day and you WILL have to listen to it -it's full of complaints and i'll only stfu if u tell me to

i'll cry over the dumbest shit -whether it's front of you depends on how close. usually early on and you'll be the cause 8/10 times

if i'm overstimulated it might be your problem

i'll get mad at you from the cause of my overthinking

i'll secretly not trust you -not for like other people i mean reassurance wise

i need constant reassurance and it might be brought up indirectly but snarkily -i'll never tell you outright

i suck at flirting and i'll run away from you

i might zone out on you during face to face convos -probably from calculating correct eye contact durations or just thinking bout you- but while you're talking so its not good

i'm kinda loud and it's worse when i'm excited -i'm quiet in the mornings tho :3

i'm a lil aggressive

i'm kinda shit at comfort and my advice may not be good advice

if i see a point/indication and i don't like it i'll ignore it because i don't want to deal with it

i want your praise/validation

i get pissed easy

i take nothing seriously

'oops'

[dykeyote]

Talk 2 me abt ocd jedidiah and I will be your best friend 4ever and ever /nf

HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHE YAY OKAY OKAY .... some more minor jedidiah ocd hc moments i think about daily because i could obviously talk about the whole oh his rituals are not all guaranteed to be 100% necessary bc hes an unreliable narrator blah blah "i need to do these things to keep my loved ones from dying" and "i cant say certain things or else ill hurt someone" are textbook ocd obsessions and compulsions blah blah . so have my more niche moments that i hc as being ocd symptoms

disclaimer yes i know some of these things overlap with either trauma responses or the very real pressure to keep sydney alive i know this ..... but these things can overlap with worsening ocd symptoms . xoxo

ive said this before . the shelled animal thing is a massive ocd moment . an extreme ocd moment . why does he have such a pathological fear of something thats harmless that he has to spend a presumably significant amount of his time researching them for his safety? suspicious . reads to me as an obsession w his phobia that he copes with through researching compulsively

ok this is talking very much about my own experience but the whole entire episode about jedidiah being extremely attached to objects that he prescribes INTENSE sentimental value to that he has breakdowns about losing reminds me a lot of how my own ocd hoarding tendencies present . not w the fruitfly because thats more just attachment, mainly the fact that he's extremely disgusted by the maggots and yet somehow cannot cope with losing them, his inability to let go of the stone that he didnt even really care about when he was playing with it, stuff like that . u could argue that this is just a trait specific to playing house but a: i wouldnt argue the maggots count under that and b: id say the way he behaves with clocks (having tons of them all over his room, leaving gears everywhere) and his journals (obsessing over them as if theyre real people to the degree of referring to them as being 'kidnapped') still leans into this even tho obviously this relates to his paranoia as well - theres a lot of overlap to me between jedidiahs trauma, jedidiahs ocd, and jedidiahs actual real rituals that he actually needs to do

this is again me projecting im just giving my little projectionesque thoughts here this is what u signed up for . but personally i often cope with ocd through coming up with a Different Contradictory obsessive belief that i am unable to shake to attempt to contradict my paranoia - thats what i hc hes doing when he does his whole "youre always fine" with sydney thing, often contradicting catostrophic ocd thinking with fantastical beliefs that everything automatically Will be okay can be a kinda unhealthy coping mech

i think abt him ten times a day . sorry this post is like 99% me talking abt hoarding lmao

[papirouge]

How come white radfems aren't coming after Tory Lanez as hard as they were for Johnny Depp?

FINALLY ASKING THE RELEVANT QUESTION ANON 🧠

Because despite everything they say, radfem ultimately only care about white women lmao

They'll pretend caring about poc when it comes to shill for abortion culture and bitch against Muslim culture of mistreating of women, but deep down, they will always consider their perspective as the centerfold of "true feminism".

I mean, look how uncomfortable they are whenever they realize non western women/feminists are pro life lmao Or they just turn into typical white savior and be like "ohhh that's bc these poor women are brainwashed by their patriarchy" 💀 they're so full of it.

I'll NEVER FORGET how radblr thought they really did something elevating Amber Heard as "perfect misogyny" because she was White, rich, blonde and famous. And all these idiots were like "omg so true, bestie!!".... that's how you know how little self awareness these women have...

And let's no forget how they acted like 2 rich white rich Hollywood celebrities tearing each other appart meant anything relevant for the fate of women worldwide. "If a rich woman can be bullied that bad imagine how bad it's gonna for woc!!". Imagine being so self centered and delusional.. like- yea I'm sure the taliban saw all the tiktoker clowning Amber and got like "yeaaah we should humiliate our women even more" 💀 These women genuinely think they are the compass of misogyny worldwide....

Megan Thee Stallion is a Black woman so to them it's just 'black people's shit'. It's important to note that the Tory Lanez shooting happened in 2020 and that not a single whitefem covered it back then. I think radfem jumped on the bandwagon once the trial came as a way to suck up against the humiliation of Heard losing her trial. Their support for Megan was lowkey backhanded bc it's like her case alone wasn't enough. They had to be like "remember Amber? Well the same thing is happening again Megan"!!

Radfem can be so embarrassingly stupid. Like, even if I wasn't Christian or pro life it wouldn't ID as one bc of that 🥀

[magicluckystars]

hii id like to request a matchup as i see you’re doing them! id prefer characters from twisted wonderland or enstars, i dont really play obey me. umm for my personality i feel like i’m an ambivert, more on the introvert side! i’m very reserved for the first few months of meeting but i can really open up fast depends on my mood or the environment! i dont talk much and am not a sappy person either mainly due to not being very great with words. i like to think that i’m funny but i laugh at almost everything i’m starting to doubt it…i enjoy helping others with tasks and such! i’m indecisive so having someone who can make quick decisions for me in those moments r great if i really like u i will be a little mean at first but after a while i think im very nice and will even take initiative which i dont do often. i think an important thing too about me is if i don’t really have anything in common with a person it’s very difficult for me to talk to them. i dislike small talk because i feel like i’m too awkward for that. despite me being more of an introvert, i get lots of energy being around people but also lose the energy a bit fast too.

a few things i like are bats, lamps, fashion, music, games, art, plants and learning about space. I also enjoy watching movies and baking. also, i’d like someone the opposite of me, someone who uses their words. i’m the type of person to overthink things if they’re not told to me. or if i’m told to do something i need detailed and specific steps also bc communication is #1 in my book. Also i really enjoy learning about people. If i’m interested in someone i will try to learn every single little fact about you. Especially if they’re a closed off person at first like me it makes me all the more interested in knowing more.

umm i really don’t know what else to add so that’s all i have to say i hope i didnt put too much! idk if you reply w/ the request or use anon names/emojis so if do use names my names lin. do take your time and i hope u have a great dayyy

First of all, I'm sorry this is so late! I don't have any excuses, I was just lazy 🥲 I'm gonna match you with a twst character if that's okay!

lin, I match you with...

TREY!

He finds it cute how you laugh at almost everything. You help him in the kitchen for Heartslabyul's unbirthday parties so that the freshmen don't offer to help...if you've read Trey's dorm uniform card, you know...

Pretty sure Heartslabyul students have to be well-versed in gardening to be able to take care of roses, so he would be open to talking about gardening too. Trey finds it kind of weird how you ask him so many questions, but after you explain he's glad you opened up and want to know more about him.

Trey has younger siblings, so he understands your energy levels around people. He can read body language well cough* riddle *cough cough* so he quickly finds a way to excuse both of you from the situation.

I also get the feeling that Trey's good at making decisions, so you don't have to worry about that.

He will prank you. 100% guaranteed. If you believe the oyster sauce thing, I am confident he will bake two pastries and ask you to guess which one's sweet.

👏NETFLIX👏AND👏CHILL. That's your ideal date together. Please stop this man from putting Riddle's needs ahead of his.

Overall, a very soft, very cute relationship. Riddle doesn't mind you, you're not as rowdy as the Adeuce duo (aka you don't give him a headache), Cater will DEFINITELY take lots of pictures if you've announced you two are dating (even if you didn't, he'd still ship you).

Sorry, this was a little short. Hope you enjoyed it!

[smileymoth]

ed / nutritionists/ sh whatever

I am so easily triggered by food talk its ridiculous. i hear anyone mention food plans diet plans calories nutrionists healthy eating clean eating intermediate fastign etc etc etc etc any food related topics and i just instantly shrivel up and want to end it right then and there. I told my mom can we not talk about food at newyears when i had a panic attack over grocery shopping and she still does it i hate it. I dont want to talk about food please let me be a trainwreck in peace i dont want a random healthnut nutritionist to tell me what to and what to not eat im already so miserable on a day to day basis let me have food i actually enjoy eating please i know i get mad triggered over food in general for fuck sakes i had a panic attack over a bowl of rice while my friend looked at me weird i dont need more anxiety over food since im already so picky and not capable of making food for myself most of the times. I knwo im a bastard who is unhealthy i know it probably affects psoriasis but have you considered that maybe being severely depressed also influences that. It only flared up again after my dad died it was gone for a few years already and now its back better than ever and now my mom is on my back about healthy eating and movement like mom im trying please leave me alone i already have anxiety over food i dont need more of it i really dont i really dont i really dont i really dont i need a psychologist not a nutritionist but i cant fuciifn have that i cant even have a psychiatrist i want to go back to collegetown already and ive only been home for an hour and 30 minutes i want to go back i hate being here i wish it was like back in highschool i dont cqre that dad was mad at me if i went to sleep 5 minutes too late or that i ****** myself out of fear of food bc i cant stand people seeing me eat i still cant i still freak out when i eat "too much" becqyse i eont kbow what a normal portion is i cant have a fuckinf nutritionist tell me what to do id actually harm myself over it bc id just seevmyself as an obeast lazy bastard who cant stick to plansbecause theyre probably all fucjign annoying white women who weigh 1 cigarette and a single grape bx theyre so healthy and fit and never eat sugar ever am i overrreactign absolurely do i care absolutely not because i am fucked up in the brain and i dotn want people to help me wirh this because i am slowly getting better with healthier eating and if someone tried to monitor it id harm myself i want to go back to my apartment i dont wanr to be here i hate how it happens every time i go home i dont want to talk about food i dont want ro ralk about health i just want to come home and feel happy but i cant because my dad will never be here again and my mom is stressed and tired from work and my grandma is chronically ill forever and my aunt is somehow even more paranoid than i am and is slowly losing her mind because she worries so much. I want my fucking therapist back i hate everything so much iwish i wasnt a mentally ill cunt with issues that make my mom worry for me. Dont worry about me just leave me alone leave me the fuck alone . I want to leeaaaaaaavveeeeeeeeee

[ihavenothingtodo10220]

thats what i mean wnd its like with every new interest id have in something i dont want to fully commit bc its just going to make me want to spend spend spend on it be it kpop, some random clothing brand or idfk a bag or some other accesories. heck even tarot has become ridiculous in that there is an overconsumption of card productions bc apparently ppl cant just make do with a small amount and even if someone new was going to get into tarot they wouldnt know which card deck to buy bc theres simply, too many. i find that even with youtube as societies main form of entertainment, its almost too much to watch to browse i dont know what videos i want to watch half the time its just junky videos that people use other people for money and baiting people into buying more junky items :(

for exampke i used to watch a really lovely guy who did nice drawings of his explroring slowly he became less about drawings and more about promoting his art haul supplies most of which he was sent for free and he was always saying to his followers oh but look such and such an item is so so great buy it bc he said so (not in those words but thats what they imply). them the same hypocrite uploaded a nother video titled something like maybe he has too many art supplies and it was like draws full of unused unopened supplies some of it very expensive like caran d'ache expensive, then when i commented that i bought the travel palette that ppl were raving about i realise it was just a trick of the algorithim telling folk to need it in thier lives cause the items the youtubers have wouldnt make no difference to their drawings and it didnt even try to improve mine so i stopped watching his channel and many others who have sadly turned into the consumerism route. its not just america thats lost its plot, its every country sadly.

Exactly. Everyone’s just losing it, tbh. Everyone’s just hyper fixating on shit and for the people who have a lick of success that becomes money and power and fame, and frankly they stop caring about the people on the bottom of the ladder who’re contributing to it. And this is coming from someone with major hyperfixations who pours my heart and soul into shit only to either get burnt out or find something else and shifting all my attention to it and then the cycle continues. But at least my hyperfixations don’t directly harm or even really impact others like most of those youtuber’s are. Honestly, it’s just getting sad ATP. It feels like we were making so much progress then everything just went downhill again. Even with things such as laws that give people more freedom and rights being overturned. Like it’s just sad atp.

[tinylittlebab]

im feeling very pathetic today

my head has hurt so much today. i hate having chronic migraines:/ and what i hate most is that i gotta eat food with the ibuprofen

oh well. i went outside and exercised despite is being -8 degrees with -26 wind chill because theres something wrong with me. not even the ed stuff. i just simply cannot function if i dont go outside and skip around a daydream sometime everyday.

recalculated all my tdee stuff to check everything. 1460 for sedentary and with my usual exercise its between 2000-2100. thats about how much i eat without restricting or anything. just eating whatever i want whenever. i just exercise a whole lot.

i feel wrong for picking high numbers but i exercise far more than the average person and lower numbers are very difficult bc of that bc i will not compromise and exercise less. exercise is usually more effective anyway.

well. anyway. im going to do a gradual lowering bc i work and i dont wanna suddenly cut out a bunch of calories and have problems at work bc of it. its really not a big deal if its slow anyway. its most likely to still and be maintainable if i go slow. im trying to convince myself its ok. not like anybody is actually saying to me high res is evil. its just my own brain.

i dont understand why i so badly want to be disordered and why i have for so many years. im already underweight. its not enough though. well. i dont wanna make it about the calories i do eat. i wanna make it about the numbers i lose and the deficit.

honestly. most of my actual real care about how much i eat has always come from if other people are aware of it. otherwise its just me and to me if its just my opinion then id rather just exercise more and get the deficit that way. and i dont think theres anything bad about going slowly for myself.

but then i think about other people seeing it and like. i desperately want other people to see me as someone who barely eats. someone who lost a bunch of weight quickly. someone who they wish would stop losing weight. i want them to just be able to tell something is wrong. ofc since i only have 15 pounds to lose that wont ever happen. going below 85 is much more dangerous so im really gonna try not to let myslef want that. instead i wanna maintain 85. and i wanna be seen as that person who never eats and is super small and frail and pretty.

but i dont know anyone. im not going to know anyone. there is nobody to notice or think this. so whats the point in tryna make it happen immediately. might aswell do it the slower better way. and then i can maintain the weight easier. and its less miserable.

honestly im aiming for a below 15 bmi i should stop being mad at myself for not being anorexic enough. literally shut up stupid

[bongkillua]

6 tucker and konami 8 konami aaaand 13 konami (today is the day of konamis)

thank god bc i need to work on konami lore more hehehe

6. How does your oc feel about labels? Theirs, or in general?

TUCKER: tucker cared more about labels in the past but has kind of given up on them by the time the wolfsbane narrative is over. he had to be really assertive of his identity when he was younger because he had to defend it a Lot and ur much more believable if you have a Solid Set Of Words u use to define urself. even now though he definitely asserts his masculinity a lot more than jord or xander do and is more picky about the terms you use to refer to him but it’s also like. he thought he was a gay man and then he caught feelings for xander who says a different gender every time you ask so he also recognizes that even the labels he does use are kinda up to interpretation lol. i feel like he still chooses to introduce himself as a gay man when asked even though that’s straight up not how he identifies he just doesn’t feel like explaining everything bc he’s had to defend himself for so long. and if you assume something else before he can explain the stranger-friendly version of himself he’s just going to shrug and go along with it. in terms of like general feelings on labels again he understands the importance of them but is also Definitely going to forget any intricacies you try to explain to him especially if ur a stranger. like he just cannot be bothered to care. like definitely a “just give me your pronouns because i’ll fucking forget everything else sorry.” kind of guy. if someone else tries to start shit though he Will defend the fuck out of someone using Whatever Damn Labels They Please even if he barely knows you.

KONAMI: ok i had to like literally think about konamis entire personality arc for this. so like right after death when he finally starts connecting with people again (tucker and xander), konami thinks labels are really cool even though he doesn’t know what any of them mean. i feel like he likes the idea of being able to explain himself with a Word because they have to relearn themself from the ground up. i think in terms of sexuality he probably re-finds and identifies with “bisexual” pretty quickly bc as much as konami struggles with emotions and how to deal with them he is Very in tune with his preferences especially in regard to people. gender is a whole other can of worms though. pre-death hes very sure of his gender but after dying he forgot his own identity and loses touch with all the stuff he connected with before. he probably spends a lot of time picking people apart about their labels to see if he can Relate To That Too! id imagine it leads to a lot of “i think that’s cool i want to be that too”/“i don’t care about that i would never identity that way.” and very little of it is truly Genuine. over time though as he learns more people’s experiences and understands his own more he starts to genuinely hold some labels close. think a lot of them are related to Concepts like “computer” and “electricity” bc once he realizes that his gender can be Things as opposed to these weird ideas of femininity and masculinity that he just cannot relate to he starts to understand the whole Gender Thing more. BOY though. Boy is his favorite word. that’s their One Gender Word that they relate to so much they don’t want anyone else to have it. He is the Only Boy.

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

KONAMI: post-death, yeah, but not so much to do with queerness as just identity in general. sorry these answers are gonna be rly similar because it’s hard to explain one without the other. anyways their pre-death life doesn’t feel like theirs to the point where they can’t identify themself in old pictures and obviously that does a lot of weird things to your identity. but for the sake of sticking with queerness he wakes up as a ball of energy in the shape of a body which has been altered (konami got top surgery and was on t pre death and those changes stick upon death) but somehow it still feels… right? and on top of all of that he literally like Can’t grasp the concept of gender because he forgets everything and doesn’t have any frame of reference for like. what gender is. his only frame of reference is Himself which is already gender weird both in presentation and feeling. it’s a really unique experience to have because, like, his struggle doesn’t come from any sort of cishetnormativity being imposed onto him but rather the feeling of Loss from once having an identity and seeing the marks it left behind and no longer being able to understand what got him there. i think it makes him upset because he really Wants to know himself ESPECIALLY when he’s “reintroduced” to who he was before death but he just can’t make the connections. i don’t think he shows it at All though and just sorta avoids the question when it comes up or makes a joke out it/insincerely agrees or disagrees based on how he thinks he Should identify. being surrounded by trans people definitely makes his journey to finding his own identity more Genuine but also makes it a lot longer of a ride. sexuality is a whole different story though LOL as i said before he’s very sure of what he Likes and once someone is like “yeah the word for that is usually bisexual” he’s like cool so i’m DEEEFINITELY bisexual. no struggle there.

13. Would your oc be open to a poly relationship? Why or why not?

KONAMI: i answered this previously but no i think konami is a very monogamous guy. first of all he’s extremely territorial and doesn’t like sharing because he’s been denied connection for so long. this like. is Not the best thing for a relationship but by the time he’s actually to the point where he can connect to people in that way again he’s gotten over it a lot but probably still wouldn’t want to Share a Partner. he’s just very Devoted. even pre-death he was very similar he was a super devoted and loving partner. and a lot of the way that he connects with people is like. one on one experiences and communication and referential stuff so polyamory just wouldn’t make sense to him.

these answers are so damn rambly i’m sorry lol. i like talking about konami though he’s definitely the least fleshed out of the main four at this point. need to fix that.

[trueduelist]

Work is so stressful like i was actually freaking out this whole week. First sysco fucks me by giving me frozen chicken then the kitchen refuses to use the substituted chicken and blames me for its existence . Then its insanely busy and service goes poorly. I stay 2 hours late which gm sats he will put on a different day so its not ot. Next day i dont sleep and come in at 645am and realize im on my own doing food costing this time. Stress about that. Agm is freaking out bc gm is on vacation and everythings going wrong immediately. Cook calls in sick for the night, we cant find someone to cover it because all the lifers refuse to work fry and anyone who does work fry either quit or is on vacation. So im forced to do it and we end up busy as hell with multiple tables ordering after close . Also since i worked even more hours than the day before those extra hours had to be moved to my NEXT shift which also was shit and i had to stay late and then i worked on the kitchen schedule for free because i wanted to learn. Then today the prep cook tells me she did everything which was fucking LIE and i was in the back making 5 things on the fly. Im keeping an eye on the clock bc theres a new guy starting at 5 and i want/need to walk him through everything.

But then the fucking POS goes DOWN and ive got the agm on the phone and im on hold with the pos company and theyre not picking up and im losing my mind. and people keep coming into the office to gossip loudly and tell jokes and im like GTFO IF YOURE NOT HELPING and theyre like looool chill. This is a restaurant emergency! Leave me alone! Even worse is the people annoying me are occasional supervisors who should know better. After what feels like an eternity the pos unfucks itself and i hang up on the support.

Ok time to train new guy so we go to the shakes station and we get a ticket and send it out and then BOOM we get an instant clusterfuck of orders so i have to take over more than id like when training someone. Then of course dinner rush hits and thats when we run out of more prep that AM prep assured me was taken care of so im in the back doing that while more problems pile up. And then there i am, 2 hours after im supposed to be off, trying to fix everything and tidy things up so chef doesnt strangle me when he comes back from vacation tomorrow. Idk if i shall ever see those 2 hoirs as ot or even regular pay .

And my stupid ass didnt order enough ofor one of our specials because i think i misunderstood the GMs words and i thought the special was ending tomorrow but its actually in a few days so i know chef is gonna kick my ass abou that

[omories]

okay. okay whatever. i wanted to go to a cafe tomorrow but whatever. i was supposed to high restrict this week for my exams so my brain doesn't fry but i fucked up tonight so no thanks. i feel very gross rn for a lot of reasons including but not limited to how much i ate. i need a shower and everything out of my body please.