#Id lose everything. Id lose people I care about bc I know

[fluffs-n-stuffs]

/vent in tags

but prof sycamore also looked very cute in this pic here and I wanted to share it

eepy french man

[mrfoox]

At one hand i know.... Me expecting nothing of other people is helpful for me, I also wish I didn't do it.... Like I can't ever be sure about how peo feel about me. I think of people as friends after 10 conversations, but I never call someone else my friend until they call me that. Because I'm worried they don't actually see me as that/don't care much about me....

[jebbaks]

so. Larssen! he is Certainly a guy!

(aka my wynncraft oc/repurposed oc from another universe who i've occasionally posted scribbles of here)

heres the rest of the scribbles. Mostly old art.

i have like a LOOOOOT to say abt him but basically

hes pretty much a living weapon type character. or rather he regards himself as one. being around other soldiers who fully believe in their cause and a failed attempt to recover his memories (rtp moment), he internalizes this over time and fully believes that the only thing he was born/made for was to fight, to be used as a weapon against the corruption. he can be thrown away at any moment, he can be replaced

this subsequently damages his ability to form relationships with other people; he thinks he has no business doing so. he consciously puts up walls in the beginning but he eventually almost becomes unable to strike up *anything* at all with another person. from rtp onwards everybody he meets, no matter how attached the other becomes — they all become fleeting figures in his mind. BUT he cannot deny that he very much desires connection. the root of the reason why he even internalized the role of the soldier in the first place is so he can fit in better with tasim and aledar!! he just . unfortunately loses sight of this as he progresses. to the point where he cannot even recognize his humanity

so his entire arc is him struggling internally w both sides, the one that is nothing but a soldier and the other that is very much undeniably human. pretty much. Yeah

some other things

secret library enthusiast. despite everything he'll still go out of his way to dig around and find more hidden spots to simply vibe in and forget about the world for a little bit. his personal favorites are the lusuco hidden library and the cinfras grand archive (which. he may or may not have yoinked a book or two from)

perhaps one of such books ft. rusty bartender

music guy!! he frequents mt wynn a bunch bc of the performances there. this is also smth i wanna get into at a later date. all yall gotta know 4 now is that he sings pretty nicely and he is prone to rambling/infodumping about whatever cool obscure ballad hes just heard/read about in the libraries

like dare i say atp he finds it easiest to connect w other ppl thru music and even then he still feels out of place among tasim and aledar after this.

he often frequents the rusty recruit just to talk to the rusty bartender about whatever he's been up to. it started as a one-off thing until he noticed after a while that the bartender actually *does* care about his adventures. so he just kept coming back. on and on and on until one thing led to another and now we're um. here. shoves aside barssen drawings

cat person. massive cat person. he will pet u like u are a cat. he will dump a cat in your lap out of nowhere and start spitting cat facts out of nowhere or something

id yap more but thats for another post

for now thank u for coming to my oc yapping session

[simpofmanymen]

Missed this

Nah bc. missed Tumblr so goddamn much.

Back though. and I bring you my saw franchise hyper fixation I've had for like 2 months

Saw is so fun to hyper fixate on bc I swear if you love knowing everything about ur fixation Saw will make you go brrrrr I've watched it for so long now over and over they're just romcoms now ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝) Gordon and Adam losing it but they're being baby girls I don't care. And I honestly think id survive these later Saw traps man, just fucking listen to the voice! what are you doing! bro said "Don't help her" aight, I'm out, bai. At that point you should know to do that with how many people have gotten out recently, just fucking do what he asks. and when I mean later I mean like Hoffman era, maybe Gordon, But mainly Hoffman, not even just bc I simp for Costas but genuinely, Mark tells you the rules straight up and gives you instructions JUST LISTEN AND DO IT. Sure will be getting hurt but DUH IT'S JIGSAW, that's his whole thing "( – ⌓ – ) Lemme know if you'd survive, and be honest, Live or die?

[fizzywashere87]

Pros and Cons of Dating Fizzy

notes: i decided to make a compare and contrast post for me?? why the fuck not cuzzos. this is some form of self advertisement and im not above it. (im off limits and a minor)

M. List

Pros:

i will be very loyal towards you

if i like you a lot, i won't get an ick -unless it's something SUPER bad but even then i tend to let red flags pass over me.

i'm a good listener when i want to be -if i rlly like you again, i would always want to be

i'd do literally anything and everything for you

id buy you gifts and pretend not to care if you didn't like it

i don't keep secrets of mine from you -unless i CANT say anything, then, sorry

you don't have to do much to gain my trust if i like you a lot -that doesn't stop intrusive thoughts.

i'll adjust to your needs after studying your behavior

i have a good memory so i'll remember certain topics you bring up -likes, dislikes, facts you share, a story you tell me about.

i'll defend you should anyone try to do or say anything bad about you -i'll throw hands for you

i am not a dry texter most of the time so you'll have an interesting convo for the most part

it doesn't take much for forgiveness if i'm rlly down bad -i don't forget tho

you get goodmorning/night texts

giving you my hairtie/bracelets and spraying perfume on it -i'll pretend not to notice if you don't wear them

A Double-Edged Sword:

i'm blunt - i could be overly blunt but at least i'll be deadass with u

ill drop my needs for yours -if you rlly care then you'd be sad abt this i think

i struggle to pick up certain implications -you can probably use that to your advantage

i've learnt to mask really well to adaptto your personality - you wont rlly know how i'm feeling unless i choose to let you know

i'm attached to you -maybe too clingy? if you tell me to fuck off i will tho

i'll take what you say literally most of the time

i'll brag to my friends about you -i might also complain if you make me sad

i put my family before you

i have a hard time saying no a lot of the times

i hold onto promises -i keep mine tho

i'm kinda stubborn

i do dangerous shit -it has the potential for entertainment but if u rlly care then the downside is that i might get hurt over a simple dare

'are you sure?' x100

i laugh at everything -you could end up thinking ur funny bc i laughed so you go retell that joke to ANYONE else and realize my humor is shit and you are not funny :|

i send you memes/videos and go 'us' -it could get annoying

i'll pester you to take care of yourself -it could get annoying. also i do not take my own advice

i can be rlly protective but not like super alpha sigma dw

i'll want to wear your hoodies/shirts

my standards are dangerously low -you don't have to do much

i put myself down a lot -this could end up funny

Cons:

at least once a week i'll ask you if you're gonna leave me

i have underlying health complications that show up at the worst times ever

i am not funny -and it's worse cuz i'll actively be trying

i'm very specific about A LOT and i'll lose my shit if my shit isn't together -yes this has potential to become your problem

i will not tell you what i need from you -i just won't. unless you pester me for way too long

i'll assume you'll leave me at some point -this is regardless to your answer to the first bullet point

i WILL complain about my day and you WILL have to listen to it -it's full of complaints and i'll only stfu if u tell me to

i'll cry over the dumbest shit -whether it's front of you depends on how close. usually early on and you'll be the cause 8/10 times

if i'm overstimulated it might be your problem

i'll get mad at you from the cause of my overthinking

i'll secretly not trust you -not for like other people i mean reassurance wise

i need constant reassurance and it might be brought up indirectly but snarkily -i'll never tell you outright

i suck at flirting and i'll run away from you

i might zone out on you during face to face convos -probably from calculating correct eye contact durations or just thinking bout you- but while you're talking so its not good

i'm kinda loud and it's worse when i'm excited -i'm quiet in the mornings tho :3

i'm a lil aggressive

i'm kinda shit at comfort and my advice may not be good advice

if i see a point/indication and i don't like it i'll ignore it because i don't want to deal with it

i want your praise/validation

i get pissed easy

i take nothing seriously

'oops'

[moonysfavoritetoast]

i have to do i fucking presentation on my bad fucking henry ford essay (way too much info i already knew all that shit) and im not doing that shit fuck no because my goddamn voice is too high and people will laugh and fucking not shut up bc why is a girl called evan and and i cant even play my trumpet for a playing quiz what makes you think my fucking voice will work fucks sake im never going to need to know how to speak in front of a bunch of bitchy middle schoolers who will do nothing but laugh at my fucking appearance and voice i fucking hate school this shit is what made me relapse last time im going to fucking skip idc if i fucking fail i already am fuck you if you think im just okay with this dumbass shit

the suicide rates were so high yoiu put the fucking prevention hotline number on the back of every school issued id and you claim to want to help us then maybe make the goddamn curriculum more flexible i mean god fucking damn its like kids dont have fucking anxiety that nobody believes is real fuck off with your bullshit about caring about us you just want good test scores and good sports players shit like this is why i want to fucking kms

oh and god forbid i express these feelings in any way to trusted staff. they'll send me to counselling who will immediately call my parents which will get my phone taken because its obviously the goddamn phone making me feel this way. even if i tell them to not call my parents they will. and then my mom will go through my texts because shes worried about me and she'll cry and make me feel like shit when she was the one who started this. she'll find out everything. she'll take my binders away because i wear them too long and she'll never let me see friends again adn i'll be homeschooled again bc obviously school is too much.

she'll try to make me talk to her then she'll get mad and cry and yell when i try to say nothings wrong. she fucking hates me anyways. her backup child is fucking failing even though she was the firstborn. she knows her first daughter was the only chance she had at having a successful child because the other one has a shitty attention span and cant fucking spell anything. her baby girl is a fucking failure and she cant fucking accept im not her fucking baby girl anymore.

clearly i dont know what tired feels like. i sleep so much, why am i still tired? must be faking it. i dont know what depression is and i dont know what pain is. i dont know what anxiety is because i just want attention. she cant fucking accept the fact i'm clearly not neurotypical because i fucking have to be or she'll lose all goddamn hope she doesnt have for me.

nobody thinks somethings wrong and i fucking hate it. im the liar because "youre always so happy"

why would someone my age want to die?

fuck off.

[elekinetic]

hey team. buckle up. this is gonna be a long one.

aka let's break down my byler playlist cause i put way too much fucking thought into it

here's the complete playlist. i highly highly recommend listening while you read, but it'll make sense regardless <3

let's dive in.

1. i can't be with you by the cranberries.

we open with the line "lying in my bed again, and i cry cause you're not here." you're in the upside down, you're possessed, you're spending all your time with el, you're in california. they're ALWAYS separated, there's always something pulling them apart. they can't be with each other. "put your hands inside my face and see that it's just you," cause their existence is so informed by each other. constantly on each other's minds. "thinking back on how things were and on how we loved so well." i mean. C'MON. "i wanted to be the mother of your child" ok that's not byler EXACTLY but listen listen listen, dreaming of a future together? playing nintendo and dnd in their basement for the rest of their lives? "put your hands in my hands and come with me, we'll find another end…my head on anyones shoulder cause i cant be with you": basically they are dreaming of a world where everything is easy, where they can be together, but they know that's not the real world. they'll seek other comforts (el, losing yourself in your art, etc) to try to fill the hole in their hearts (y'all know there's more nuance to the el situation but i don't feel like typing all that out lol) dolores o'riordan's wailing is a great expression of the despair of seemingly unrequited love, while the upbeat fast paced drums invoke that teenage-first-love genre feeling through the song, we have dolores assuring herself that she cannot be with this person. its almost like shes trying to convince herself that there's no point to feeling this way bc they're NEVER gonna be together. but she ends with "but i'm still in love with you." there's nothing she can do about it. she can try to deny it all she wants, but its a simple truth. she loves them. they love each other.

2. wicked game by chris isaak.

this is the most stranger things ship coded song ever imo. doomsday love? soulmatism? reluctance? disbelief? wanting something different? HELLO? byler?? lumax?? jopper?? jancy?? "i've never felt this way... i don't wanna fall in love...the world was on fire and no one could save me but you, its strange what desire will make foolish people do, id never dreamed id love somebody like you..." is this song about being upset that a relationship is over? yes. which works for byler! but i think its also about loving intensely. its about looking at the tragedy of existence and saying, your love saved me. i feel so much, and i feel so sad because you mean so much to me. it says, without an ounce of real resentment, how dare you make me care so much? thus we establish from the jump JUST how much they care about each other. how important they are to each other. the song end's with "this world is only gonna break your heart" over and over again, which sets up the tragedy we're abt to be feelin through the rest of this playlist. all aboard the angst train!

3. fade into you by mazzy star.

we're back on that hand holding imagery shit we say in i can't be with you. "i wanna hold the hand inside you." i miss how close we used to be. "i look to you when i see nothing, i look to you to see the truth." -> you have always been the grounding presence in my life. there's a double meaning here of looking to the other person to see the "truth", being that they're never gonna love you like you love them. "fade into you, strange you never knew." its strange you never knew i was in love with you. how much i cared for you. (and if we're talking mike pov, strange you never knew before i fucked it up so bad.) "a stranger's light comes on slowly, a strangers heart without a home" we're strangers now OWWW. i am a stranger to you now, and my heart doesn't have a home.

4. does anybody know by jade bird. do i even have to explain?

pre s4 separation. very sad. california sunshine + s4 heart to hearts in the sun + the colors in you can hurt someone? something something will's painting and the rain fight and their ability to hurt each other.

5. graduation day by chris isaak.

a reflection on what used to be, and an attempt to move on. an attempt that will fail (see: further sad pining songs later in the playlist) "driving slowly, watching the headlights in the rain" - rain fight, will biking away. "think of the good times, wishing you were still with me, the way it used to be.... a million dreams have all gone bad, think of all we had...thinking of a time with everything was right...with only you and i..." HELLO??? once again, the theme of "i miss the way we used to be" makes a reappearance. "i knew it all then, thought you loved me, i was wrong.... learned my lesson now there's nothing left to say." what if i committed mass murder. i knew it all? hello michael. we've also got the theme of growing up. graduation day. they're getting older. on one hand, this could mean them graduating to the big leagues, the final fight. the end of everything is coming. they're almost at the finish line. on the other hand, they could be reflecting on "graduating" out of their childhood feelings and comfort, making peace with the fact that they're older and they don't get to go back to when everything was right.

6. please, please, please, let me get what i want by the smiths.

this song is so simple, and so direct, and so. so. so. sad. its a reflection of how much they love each other. this....this is all i want. he is all i want. my life has been so hard. i could've become a bad person, and i didn't. and that doesn't mean im owed anything. i know that. but can i please get what i want. this is the only thing that i want.

7. there's no need to argue anymore by the cranberries. just....just read it.

highly recommend listening to this song because all it is is vocals and an organ. it is so reflective and soft and introspective. its simple. a simple truth. (i mean you should listen to the whole playlist but yk)

8. boys dont cry by the cure, but covered by I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME.

yall already know the drill lyric wise cause. you know. it's boys don't cry. so, im just gonna talk abt why i picked this particular cover. it feels younger, a little less professional, a little more intimate. i love the cure version, but this one just feels...i don't know. it feels like the emotions of a teenage boy.

9. i know its over by the smiths.

this one... oh god. the first verse is "oh mother i can feel the soil falling over my head // and as i climb into an empty bed // oh well, enough said // i know its over, still i cling // i dont know where else i can go." something abt will's relationship with joyce and mike's relationship with karen. something about knowing their relationship with each other is over, knowing that and still not being able to stop thinking about each other. we get a sweet little nod to mileven in verse 2 "sad veiled bride, please be happy, handsome groom, give her room." yeah. if we're talking will's pov and substitute "she" for "he", this line is fucking killer: "loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly. [talking to el now] though [he] needs you, more than [he] loves you" OW and then this whole part.... mike's self hatred is just so chefs kiss.

anyway. this song is mostly just there for vibes. its sad. most of the playlist is sad. yk. it doesnt fit perfectly but pls tell me yall understand the vision.

10. electric indigo by the paper kites.

[this section was previously posted on its own here. there are a few details i left off of that version bc they referenced the playlist, this is slightly different.]

this song is the most mike pov to ever pov ITS INSANE. i'm sorry i didn't see you before. i love you and i'm sorry i hurt you. how do i fix this? how do i get you to come back to me? you're getting line by line annotations, fuck you. "never meant to cause you trouble with my coloured lies" hey. hey remember back during does anybody know when we talked abt "the colors in you, they can hurt someone"? "but you holding me with something locked behind your eyes [real love], you're setting me right // cause you got something that i need [real love], something i can't find" "distance never made me stronger, it tore us apart [hello california], i'm calling, im calling to you [BYERS BUSY PHONE LINE THEORY RISE] // and i know i left you questions and a lonely heart [do you even care what i have to say mike? you called twice! etc etc.]" "but you've been waiting long enough to let it go [i've put you through so much for so long, i get that you are probably done with me at this point, i know i would be] // i'll do you right [im gonna make it up to you, i swear], cause time is just a remedy covered in disguise [i grew up, okay? im better, i know more know. im not like that anymore.]" "and all i know is that i want you so heavy on my mind [i think about you all the time. i want to think about you all the time]" "and the feeling grows, when youre dancing slow. i see your fire go electric indigo [i watch you in your element, i watch you paint and be around our friends and argue with your brother....i see you be unapologetically you, and i just... i love you. i love you.] "what's it gonna, what's it gonna take? what's it gonna, what's it gonna take? what's it gonna, what's it gonna take? (x4) [how do i fix this? how do i show you how much i love you? how do i show you how much i love you?]

11. iris by the goo goo dolls, but covered by chris lanzon.

it's iris. do i even need to explain? i chose this cover the same reason i chose IDKHOW's boys dont cry cover. "it feels younger, a little less professional, a little more intimate. i love the cure version, but this one just feels...i don't know. it feels like the emotions of a teenage boy."

12. lover, you should've come over by jeff buckley.

our penultimate track. its about letting go of expectations, thoughts of who you should be and what you should do, and realizing how much you love someone who you let yourself lose. realizing that you're young and you've really messed up, but realizing what you want and seeking forgiveness. it's mike's realization. its a healthy reflection on how he's hurt the people he loves, and what he really wants. who he wants to be. it's mike growing up. he's willing to give up the trivial shit, the judgement of others and himself, to be with will. not even to be with will, just to let himself love will. there's this line, "maybe i'm just too young to keep good love from going wrong //...you should've come over ... well i'll wait for you." he wants will to come back. he knows he's lost will, and he knows its his fault. but he's telling will, "listen. i know you don't owe me anything. but im here. im here, okay? if any part of you still wants me, or even if you don't, im here."

13. time after time by cyndi lauper, but covered by iron & wine.

like boys don't cry and iris, i chose this cover because it feels softer, subtler, and more masculine. its acoustic, youthful, lighter. stronger. do you guys remember the opening line of the playlist? the first time of i can't be with you? "lying in my bed again, and i cry cause you're not here?" our final track, time after time, opens with "lying in my bed, i hear the clock tick and think of you." full circle moment, but time after time is different. those final thoughts are resolute, sure. i know how i feel, and i am here for you. wherever you are, whatever you need, whoever you were and whoever you become. i'm here. i love you. i love you. i love you.

[bashirs]

Hi Neptune ! Id like to know, what does Thalia look for in a partner ? I got curious because you mentioned shes gotten crushes on bypassers on her journey. Also, whats her relationship with the elves you mention ?

thalia is deeply unserious when it comes to pursuing romance or relationships of any kind, partly bc she knows she'll never stick around long enough to make something work, and partly bc she doesn't want to get her hopes up. she develops fleeting infatuations with whatever and whoever catches her eye, but doesn't remember these things after a few days. (or that's what she'd have you think, at least.)

she says she likes women that are taller than her, which is most of them. she's evidently drawn to big personalities, whether bubbly or brash, but seemingly also to mystery.

after losing everything she'd known for the first hundred years of her life, thalia now refuses to get attached to anything, including being alive. she tends to run and hide from her emotions; it's much easier to keep moving that way. the first exception to this rule are the elves, obaud and xolo. it starts as a one-off work partnership: thalia has skills that the other two don't, and they have money for supplies, so neither party is completing this quest without the other. however, they find they work well together, and thus their temporary alliance slowly becomes a friendship over the span of many quests. although it takes time for her to re-adjust to taking risk seriously, and she put the three of them in a lot of danger in the meantime, these are people she learns to care about and who'll make her care more about herself in turn.

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

R19 + R20 for Bryce

R16 for Jensen

ty!!! (ik i said id get to these yesterday but then i,, didnt. so.)

(bryce) R19: How would other characters react if your character died?

hmmm i think it would make a lot of people realize How much they liked him. like for characters like jackie who are making fun of him more often than not, it would be a pretty big punch to not have him around anymore. it would be Really fucking hard for jensen especially bc mans already has issues expressing emotions and losing bryce (especially early on) would fucking Wreck him. like many months of extensive weekly therapy kinda wreck him. if its later in life, i think itd be a little easier for him, but ofc not great

(bryce) R20: What does your character wish people knew about them?

i think bryce is happy to keep up his party boy, everythings amazing all the time front, so he doesnt really Want people to go past that, but i also think he would appreciate if more people respected his profession and his ability. he can take the jokes, but when they go to far it can feel like people genuinely dont think hes smart, when in reality it takes a lot to do his job. he wishes more people knew that he takes his job seriously, he knows what hes doing, and its not something to joke about All the time

(jensen) R16: Would your character make a good parent?

realistically? probably not the best, but not horrible. i dont think he would ever have a problem stepping up to be a parent if he absolutely needed to be, but also he isnt familiar with kids or childcare beyond work. he never had siblings to take care of, and he tends to be uncomfortable being left alone with really young children, so itd be a struggle for him in the beginning. after he gets to know the kid it would definitely be better, but having to uphold and make rules/put his foot down on things would be more difficult

[dykeyote]

Talk 2 me abt ocd jedidiah and I will be your best friend 4ever and ever /nf

HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHE YAY OKAY OKAY .... some more minor jedidiah ocd hc moments i think about daily because i could obviously talk about the whole oh his rituals are not all guaranteed to be 100% necessary bc hes an unreliable narrator blah blah "i need to do these things to keep my loved ones from dying" and "i cant say certain things or else ill hurt someone" are textbook ocd obsessions and compulsions blah blah . so have my more niche moments that i hc as being ocd symptoms

disclaimer yes i know some of these things overlap with either trauma responses or the very real pressure to keep sydney alive i know this ..... but these things can overlap with worsening ocd symptoms . xoxo

ive said this before . the shelled animal thing is a massive ocd moment . an extreme ocd moment . why does he have such a pathological fear of something thats harmless that he has to spend a presumably significant amount of his time researching them for his safety? suspicious . reads to me as an obsession w his phobia that he copes with through researching compulsively

ok this is talking very much about my own experience but the whole entire episode about jedidiah being extremely attached to objects that he prescribes INTENSE sentimental value to that he has breakdowns about losing reminds me a lot of how my own ocd hoarding tendencies present . not w the fruitfly because thats more just attachment, mainly the fact that he's extremely disgusted by the maggots and yet somehow cannot cope with losing them, his inability to let go of the stone that he didnt even really care about when he was playing with it, stuff like that . u could argue that this is just a trait specific to playing house but a: i wouldnt argue the maggots count under that and b: id say the way he behaves with clocks (having tons of them all over his room, leaving gears everywhere) and his journals (obsessing over them as if theyre real people to the degree of referring to them as being 'kidnapped') still leans into this even tho obviously this relates to his paranoia as well - theres a lot of overlap to me between jedidiahs trauma, jedidiahs ocd, and jedidiahs actual real rituals that he actually needs to do

this is again me projecting im just giving my little projectionesque thoughts here this is what u signed up for . but personally i often cope with ocd through coming up with a Different Contradictory obsessive belief that i am unable to shake to attempt to contradict my paranoia - thats what i hc hes doing when he does his whole "youre always fine" with sydney thing, often contradicting catostrophic ocd thinking with fantastical beliefs that everything automatically Will be okay can be a kinda unhealthy coping mech

i think abt him ten times a day . sorry this post is like 99% me talking abt hoarding lmao

[papirouge]

How come white radfems aren't coming after Tory Lanez as hard as they were for Johnny Depp?

FINALLY ASKING THE RELEVANT QUESTION ANON 🧠

Because despite everything they say, radfem ultimately only care about white women lmao

They'll pretend caring about poc when it comes to shill for abortion culture and bitch against Muslim culture of mistreating of women, but deep down, they will always consider their perspective as the centerfold of "true feminism".

I mean, look how uncomfortable they are whenever they realize non western women/feminists are pro life lmao Or they just turn into typical white savior and be like "ohhh that's bc these poor women are brainwashed by their patriarchy" 💀 they're so full of it.

I'll NEVER FORGET how radblr thought they really did something elevating Amber Heard as "perfect misogyny" because she was White, rich, blonde and famous. And all these idiots were like "omg so true, bestie!!".... that's how you know how little self awareness these women have...

And let's no forget how they acted like 2 rich white rich Hollywood celebrities tearing each other appart meant anything relevant for the fate of women worldwide. "If a rich woman can be bullied that bad imagine how bad it's gonna for woc!!". Imagine being so self centered and delusional.. like- yea I'm sure the taliban saw all the tiktoker clowning Amber and got like "yeaaah we should humiliate our women even more" 💀 These women genuinely think they are the compass of misogyny worldwide....

Megan Thee Stallion is a Black woman so to them it's just 'black people's shit'. It's important to note that the Tory Lanez shooting happened in 2020 and that not a single whitefem covered it back then. I think radfem jumped on the bandwagon once the trial came as a way to suck up against the humiliation of Heard losing her trial. Their support for Megan was lowkey backhanded bc it's like her case alone wasn't enough. They had to be like "remember Amber? Well the same thing is happening again Megan"!!

Radfem can be so embarrassingly stupid. Like, even if I wasn't Christian or pro life it wouldn't ID as one bc of that 🥀

[magicluckystars]

hii id like to request a matchup as i see you’re doing them! id prefer characters from twisted wonderland or enstars, i dont really play obey me. umm for my personality i feel like i’m an ambivert, more on the introvert side! i’m very reserved for the first few months of meeting but i can really open up fast depends on my mood or the environment! i dont talk much and am not a sappy person either mainly due to not being very great with words. i like to think that i’m funny but i laugh at almost everything i’m starting to doubt it…i enjoy helping others with tasks and such! i’m indecisive so having someone who can make quick decisions for me in those moments r great if i really like u i will be a little mean at first but after a while i think im very nice and will even take initiative which i dont do often. i think an important thing too about me is if i don’t really have anything in common with a person it’s very difficult for me to talk to them. i dislike small talk because i feel like i’m too awkward for that. despite me being more of an introvert, i get lots of energy being around people but also lose the energy a bit fast too.

a few things i like are bats, lamps, fashion, music, games, art, plants and learning about space. I also enjoy watching movies and baking. also, i’d like someone the opposite of me, someone who uses their words. i’m the type of person to overthink things if they’re not told to me. or if i’m told to do something i need detailed and specific steps also bc communication is #1 in my book. Also i really enjoy learning about people. If i’m interested in someone i will try to learn every single little fact about you. Especially if they’re a closed off person at first like me it makes me all the more interested in knowing more.

umm i really don’t know what else to add so that’s all i have to say i hope i didnt put too much! idk if you reply w/ the request or use anon names/emojis so if do use names my names lin. do take your time and i hope u have a great dayyy

First of all, I'm sorry this is so late! I don't have any excuses, I was just lazy 🥲 I'm gonna match you with a twst character if that's okay!

lin, I match you with...

TREY!

He finds it cute how you laugh at almost everything. You help him in the kitchen for Heartslabyul's unbirthday parties so that the freshmen don't offer to help...if you've read Trey's dorm uniform card, you know...

Pretty sure Heartslabyul students have to be well-versed in gardening to be able to take care of roses, so he would be open to talking about gardening too. Trey finds it kind of weird how you ask him so many questions, but after you explain he's glad you opened up and want to know more about him.

Trey has younger siblings, so he understands your energy levels around people. He can read body language well cough* riddle *cough cough* so he quickly finds a way to excuse both of you from the situation.

I also get the feeling that Trey's good at making decisions, so you don't have to worry about that.

He will prank you. 100% guaranteed. If you believe the oyster sauce thing, I am confident he will bake two pastries and ask you to guess which one's sweet.

👏NETFLIX👏AND���CHILL. That's your ideal date together. Please stop this man from putting Riddle's needs ahead of his.

Overall, a very soft, very cute relationship. Riddle doesn't mind you, you're not as rowdy as the Adeuce duo (aka you don't give him a headache), Cater will DEFINITELY take lots of pictures if you've announced you two are dating (even if you didn't, he'd still ship you).

Sorry, this was a little short. Hope you enjoyed it!

[smileymoth]

ed / nutritionists/ sh whatever

I am so easily triggered by food talk its ridiculous. i hear anyone mention food plans diet plans calories nutrionists healthy eating clean eating intermediate fastign etc etc etc etc any food related topics and i just instantly shrivel up and want to end it right then and there. I told my mom can we not talk about food at newyears when i had a panic attack over grocery shopping and she still does it i hate it. I dont want to talk about food please let me be a trainwreck in peace i dont want a random healthnut nutritionist to tell me what to and what to not eat im already so miserable on a day to day basis let me have food i actually enjoy eating please i know i get mad triggered over food in general for fuck sakes i had a panic attack over a bowl of rice while my friend looked at me weird i dont need more anxiety over food since im already so picky and not capable of making food for myself most of the times. I knwo im a bastard who is unhealthy i know it probably affects psoriasis but have you considered that maybe being severely depressed also influences that. It only flared up again after my dad died it was gone for a few years already and now its back better than ever and now my mom is on my back about healthy eating and movement like mom im trying please leave me alone i already have anxiety over food i dont need more of it i really dont i really dont i really dont i really dont i need a psychologist not a nutritionist but i cant fuciifn have that i cant even have a psychiatrist i want to go back to collegetown already and ive only been home for an hour and 30 minutes i want to go back i hate being here i wish it was like back in highschool i dont cqre that dad was mad at me if i went to sleep 5 minutes too late or that i ****** myself out of fear of food bc i cant stand people seeing me eat i still cant i still freak out when i eat "too much" becqyse i eont kbow what a normal portion is i cant have a fuckinf nutritionist tell me what to do id actually harm myself over it bc id just seevmyself as an obeast lazy bastard who cant stick to plansbecause theyre probably all fucjign annoying white women who weigh 1 cigarette and a single grape bx theyre so healthy and fit and never eat sugar ever am i overrreactign absolurely do i care absolutely not because i am fucked up in the brain and i dotn want people to help me wirh this because i am slowly getting better with healthier eating and if someone tried to monitor it id harm myself i want to go back to my apartment i dont wanr to be here i hate how it happens every time i go home i dont want to talk about food i dont want ro ralk about health i just want to come home and feel happy but i cant because my dad will never be here again and my mom is stressed and tired from work and my grandma is chronically ill forever and my aunt is somehow even more paranoid than i am and is slowly losing her mind because she worries so much. I want my fucking therapist back i hate everything so much iwish i wasnt a mentally ill cunt with issues that make my mom worry for me. Dont worry about me just leave me alone leave me the fuck alone . I want to leeaaaaaaavveeeeeeeeee

[superspecial-awesome]

Insane Malik psychoanalysis headcanons from my fucking idiot alter brain

Malik goes into his mission to kill the pharoah partly expecting it to be a suicide mission and I think that is the main driving factor behind his behavior in battle city. I think by the time we see Malik he has already given up on himself in many ways. His readiness to die lets him give into his violent impulses, and the guilt of having done so makes him more ready to die, ouroboros metaphor etc etc. In his mind, he signed his death certificate the second he left the tomb. (Which was aided at least a little bit by the fact that like. If the pharoah can kill his dad for the crime of touching grass, killing the pharoah himself is probably gonna take him out just automatically). So it doesn't matter who he hurts and how badly or how much of a villian he lets himself become--he's already past the point of redemption, so all that matters is taking the pharoah down with him.

I think malik is hosting a constant battle between the part of himself that is genuinely smart and a good leader and cares about preserving the things he loves, and the part of him that would throw everything away in a heartbeat for a couple seconds of pleasure. And once he gives into that latter part, it kind of overrides his reasoning ability. Id vs Superego and whatever. He starts doing shit on a whim without thinking it through because it feels good in the moment, but it also leads to him like, losing every battle we see onscreen even with overpowered illegal cards. That's why he was so willing to treat his beloved family members like shit throughout his entire mission (seriously he was so mean to rishid what the hell. literally the only reasons he could've had for that whole counterfeit ra thing were a.) genuinely being drunk with homicidal ideation or b.) being convinced he didn't care whether rishid died or not and only realizing his mistake when he lost him. and i kinda have to believe the latter bc even if he did think the card would work, "if you do this you'll be worth more to my family than a slave" is like the most fucked up thing anyone could've ever said to him. anyway.)

On a related note, I do think yami malik pulled the strings a little bit to get him this far gone. Like I absolutely would not claim malik's violent tendencies were all because of his headmate (tbh it might even be the other way around) but I think he was in cofront cheering on his intrusive thoughts.

^^ this is happening to him.

This whole post was originally supposed to be a plural analysis about how it makes a lot more sense for yami have been fronting more than even he thought he was and may very well have been in co-front thoughout most of battle city and how malik may be uniquely suited to leading the rare hunters specifically because he's used to functioning while connected to a bunch of other people's trains of thought all the time. But I got too off topic and now I dont know how to put that in naturally.

Anyway my take on yami malik is that he's not malik's id like he claims to be, but rather he is a person without a developed superego. When he split, both parties were scared and pissed and in pain and feeling every stage of grief at once. Malik had reassurance in his family and the love they gave him but yami malik was still in the position of an Observer. If he made himself known he would get both of them shunned at best and killed at worst. So he never really had anything to fight his impluses for. As far as he knew or cared at the time, everyone around him would've killed him anyway, and any pain he would've suffered as a consequence for his actions was nothing compared to what he was already used to. Killing his dad was probably the first real form of catharsis he was ever conscious to experience, and unlike his host I think catharsis might be the closest thing to real joy he's ever experienced in his life. I've stated before that I believe yami malik may mentally be a child--not like he never matured but like as an alter he is Just 10 years old bc that's an extremely common thing in DID systems. And I think that also contributes a lot to his behavior. But I don't have a lot more to say in defense of that claim other than "have you ever met a little kid who grew up in a violent environment and didn't get hugged bc this is just how they act"

Oh yeah also their dad who malik idolized until his death and who was the only real authority figure in their lives like, ever, was an abusive asshole who was constantly looking for an excuse to torture rishid to death in front of them. So that's probably where both of them got their murder fetish from.

Tldr malik has a villian complex yami malik never learned empathy and both of them think they need to kill to live. We switched halfway through writing this and now the analysis sucks 👍

[ihavenothingtodo10220]

thats what i mean wnd its like with every new interest id have in something i dont want to fully commit bc its just going to make me want to spend spend spend on it be it kpop, some random clothing brand or idfk a bag or some other accesories. heck even tarot has become ridiculous in that there is an overconsumption of card productions bc apparently ppl cant just make do with a small amount and even if someone new was going to get into tarot they wouldnt know which card deck to buy bc theres simply, too many. i find that even with youtube as societies main form of entertainment, its almost too much to watch to browse i dont know what videos i want to watch half the time its just junky videos that people use other people for money and baiting people into buying more junky items :(

for exampke i used to watch a really lovely guy who did nice drawings of his explroring slowly he became less about drawings and more about promoting his art haul supplies most of which he was sent for free and he was always saying to his followers oh but look such and such an item is so so great buy it bc he said so (not in those words but thats what they imply). them the same hypocrite uploaded a nother video titled something like maybe he has too many art supplies and it was like draws full of unused unopened supplies some of it very expensive like caran d'ache expensive, then when i commented that i bought the travel palette that ppl were raving about i realise it was just a trick of the algorithim telling folk to need it in thier lives cause the items the youtubers have wouldnt make no difference to their drawings and it didnt even try to improve mine so i stopped watching his channel and many others who have sadly turned into the consumerism route. its not just america thats lost its plot, its every country sadly.

Exactly. Everyone’s just losing it, tbh. Everyone’s just hyper fixating on shit and for the people who have a lick of success that becomes money and power and fame, and frankly they stop caring about the people on the bottom of the ladder who’re contributing to it. And this is coming from someone with major hyperfixations who pours my heart and soul into shit only to either get burnt out or find something else and shifting all my attention to it and then the cycle continues. But at least my hyperfixations don’t directly harm or even really impact others like most of those youtuber’s are. Honestly, it’s just getting sad ATP. It feels like we were making so much progress then everything just went downhill again. Even with things such as laws that give people more freedom and rights being overturned. Like it’s just sad atp.

[tinylittlebab]

im feeling very pathetic today

my head has hurt so much today. i hate having chronic migraines:/ and what i hate most is that i gotta eat food with the ibuprofen

oh well. i went outside and exercised despite is being -8 degrees with -26 wind chill because theres something wrong with me. not even the ed stuff. i just simply cannot function if i dont go outside and skip around a daydream sometime everyday.

recalculated all my tdee stuff to check everything. 1460 for sedentary and with my usual exercise its between 2000-2100. thats about how much i eat without restricting or anything. just eating whatever i want whenever. i just exercise a whole lot.

i feel wrong for picking high numbers but i exercise far more than the average person and lower numbers are very difficult bc of that bc i will not compromise and exercise less. exercise is usually more effective anyway.

well. anyway. im going to do a gradual lowering bc i work and i dont wanna suddenly cut out a bunch of calories and have problems at work bc of it. its really not a big deal if its slow anyway. its most likely to still and be maintainable if i go slow. im trying to convince myself its ok. not like anybody is actually saying to me high res is evil. its just my own brain.

i dont understand why i so badly want to be disordered and why i have for so many years. im already underweight. its not enough though. well. i dont wanna make it about the calories i do eat. i wanna make it about the numbers i lose and the deficit.

honestly. most of my actual real care about how much i eat has always come from if other people are aware of it. otherwise its just me and to me if its just my opinion then id rather just exercise more and get the deficit that way. and i dont think theres anything bad about going slowly for myself.

but then i think about other people seeing it and like. i desperately want other people to see me as someone who barely eats. someone who lost a bunch of weight quickly. someone who they wish would stop losing weight. i want them to just be able to tell something is wrong. ofc since i only have 15 pounds to lose that wont ever happen. going below 85 is much more dangerous so im really gonna try not to let myslef want that. instead i wanna maintain 85. and i wanna be seen as that person who never eats and is super small and frail and pretty.

but i dont know anyone. im not going to know anyone. there is nobody to notice or think this. so whats the point in tryna make it happen immediately. might aswell do it the slower better way. and then i can maintain the weight easier. and its less miserable.

honestly im aiming for a below 15 bmi i should stop being mad at myself for not being anorexic enough. literally shut up stupid