#ITS WEIRD AS HELL!!!!! BUNCH OF FUCKING WEIRDOS YOU LOT ARE

[brigatebajor]

like i get indoctrination n brainwashing esp if yr a child but how do you get past the age of 20 and think having children take a PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE to the fucking. flag. to the country. is normal??? it is NOT. thats straight up fascist regime bullshit like straight out of a dystopian novel or smth you were just BORN on a piece of land that does not mean you have to treat it as if its your king and yr a medieval knight what is WRONG with you people

[tea-plantz]

helurr!! i'd like to request a polyam with myc and andre finding out their S/O has a split tongue/ a tongue piercing? Its alright if you won't do my ask! If i'm being too vague thats mb this is like my first ask ever so ;-;

Hello honey! Don’t worry you aren’t coming of to strong or anything, and thank you so much for following! This was honestly a really creative request and I had a lotta fun writing it!

They/them for Myc (I was a bit unsure about Myc’s pronouns, so I decided to just play it safe)

He/him for Andre

They/them for the reader

!tw! Sexual language, slight NSFW content

[Andre Lee and Myc x reader with a split tongue]

Let me tell you, when these guys saw your split tongue, they thought it was the coolest thing like EVER! Both of them were swarming you, and totally swooning.

It was just a normal-ish day at Cognito inc. and you were taking selfies with Gigi for her insta. For one of the pictures you stuck out your tongue while holding up a pice sign, exposing your split. When Gigi saw, she shouted loudly, making heads turn, including your two lovers. “Oh my god, baby girl look at you! You have one of those split tongues! Damn honey, you are killin’ that oh krrr”

Immediately, Myc and Andre was by your side asking you to show them. You awkwardly stuck out your tongue and with a nervous smile. “Whoa dude, that is so awesome! Let me touch it.” “What-“

Myc probably already knew about this, since y’know, he can read minds and stuff, however he had never actually seen it in person before. Therefore he found it super cool and super attractive, seeing it for himself. You guys had a couple of… weird conversations afterwards.

“Can I stick my tentacles in between it?” “No!” “What about my di-“

Andre on the other hand did not know that you had a split tongue, and boy let me tell you, he was EXCITED! At first he was really curious, and asked you a bunch of questions about it, like how it felt to eat, how long you’ve had it, and If you could do any sort of tricks with it. Then after a while he started asking some not so child friendly questions. I mean, c’mon it’s Andre! And now that he is aware that his s/o has a split tongue, there is a LOT of other ‘activities’ he wanna try out with you, if you catch my drift.

Honestly it was sort of a mix between “holy hell, you look so fucking hot! What can it do?” and “I wonder what a bj would feel like”

Both of them are probably gonna make a bunch of dirty jokes about it, making you all flustered. And since they’re both complete perverts, they’re gonna get quite excited whenever they see that expression on you, red faced and all.

They probably also joked around, saying that you were secretly one of those lizard people, and that’s why you have a ‘reptile tongue’.

Myc and Andre are totally gonna show it off to EVERYONE in the office, with a proud expression on their face as they held you in front of them. These weirdos takes a lot of pride in you, and honestly, it’s a bit cute.

“Hey, did you know that our super sexy s/o, Y/n, has a split tongue? Don’t they just look like the most attractive person you’ve ever seen?” “Yes assholes, I know! You guys literally just showed me that like two minutes ago!” Reagen was just done at this point.

All in all, they both absolutely love your tongue, and they probably even fantasize about it too-

Okey okey, all dirty jokes aside, Andre and Myc are both really fascinated with your tongue, and they think it’s sweet with how it makes you stand out.

Sorry for not making this too long, but I honestly didn’t know what more to add into the hcs. And again, thank you for the request!

[yandere-sins]

This sounds weird but can I get like...yandere!demons sharing a angel s/o?

Thanks for requesting ^-^The idea is grand, but next time, if you have some idea for a plot to go along with your request, don’t hesitate to add it! This time I had help from @aquariumghostsong (pls check her out for amazing art!) in our discord server for plotting!

»»————-———— ♡ ————————-««

Even when they groaned, their voice was still the most angelic thing a demon could expect from something so pure as the angel was. They lifted their head hesitantly, blinking a few times as they regained their many, many senses. Instinctively, their wings spread out, every feather vibrating under the strain - well, at least, every feather on their right wing did.

“What…?” they muttered, giving themselves a glance over their left shoulder before even realizing where they were. There should have been the left wing of their ensemble, only a blackened, skeletal bone was poking forward, nothing left of the once so glorious wing. Instantly, their expression fell into one of irritation and panic, as the burn set back in while they flapped it a few times.

Their wail was indescribable, something not many creatures were able to ever experience in their lifetime. For an angel to feel anything but pure bliss and not fall into impurity wasn’t a daily occurrence anywhere, so for them to feel the pain and pity of losing their wing was a grand deal to anyone who could hear.

“Oh, look what you did!”

The scold came from the devil approaching, hearing their beloved’s cries, though it wasn’t directed at them. Demons weren’t pleasant to look at, but they didn’t scare an angel, not even the lowest of them. Their cries stopped, even if little, silvery tears dropped off their corners of their eyes still. With the attention now on the two figures approaching, the angel didn’t hesitate to wrinkle their nose, while their eyes followed the two ghastly demons with every step. They seemed familiar to the angel, but they couldn’t be sure where they had seen them. After all, there were a lot of demons everywhere, aside from heaven.

“What did you do?” they asked, horrified, and the first demon gave them a saddened look while the other just shrugged, kicking something on the floor far across the land that spread out around them. “He overdid it,” the one who had already spoken explained.

“I did not,” the other denied calmly, still not looking at the angel. “In my opinion, the other one should be gone too.”

“Don’t you dare,” the demon spoke before the angel could even retort themselves.

“How could you even say that?” they spluttered, the still present feathers ruffling up in agitation. “Where am I even? What happened?! Answer me!”

The two demons gave each other a side-glance, the rougher one huffing under the scolding glare his partner gave him. “Excuse my brother, your Excellency,” he cooed, reaching out to the angel to hoist them up by the arm. But the angel denied, brushing away his hands, which earned them only a twitch in the demon’s eyes, the corners of their mouth sinking.

“Answer my questions!” they demanded, stumbling to their feet on their own with their remaining wing trying to balance them out helplessly. While they still looked godly in a sense, with only one wing remaining and their garments dirtied by mostly ash and grime, they looked more like an imposter of angels, than a real one.

“Well, you’re in…” the nicer brother mumbled, gesturing around them as he tried to describe their situation prettier than it was.

“Hell,” his brother croaked, clenching his teeth and kicking his feet continuously into nothingness.

“Yes, hell,” the first one hissed, sending a nasty look towards his partner.

“And why? How did this happen?” the angel asked, gesturing expectantly to their missing wing.

“We hit you with a ball of hellfire-”

“HE hit you with a ball of hellfire, I would never do that to you, Darling.”

The angel’s expression changed from a surprised jaw hanging open, to a disgusted look, up to a glare as if they were ready to freeze hell over any second now. “That’s cold,” the nicer demon shuddered, fake playing his expression of remorse. “We only wanted to spend more time with you.”

“That’s why you burned off my wing?! How am I supposed to get back to heaven with this? It took decades to grow them that big, to climb the hierarchy, to–”

“Well, you’re not going back!” he announced, coming up to the angel’s shoulder and placing his hand on it. With the other, he firmly wrapped his claw-like fingers around the missing wing, making the angel wince in pain. “You’re not meant for those stuck-ups, you pretty thing! I still remember the look you gave us back at the routine control yesterday.”

His brother only strolled along, keeping a good armlength of distance to his brother, but that didn’t stop him from comments. “Those guys up above always pretend to be holy and good, but it was super obvious you didn’t belong to them.”

“W-Why? Of course I belong to my sisters and brothers!” they croaked, trying to tear away from the demon’s touch even though their grasp on them remained steady.

“Bullshit, you wouldn’t have smiled at us like that then,” the brother snorted, gaining an approving nod from the demon closest to the angel. “We understand you’d call out to us like that in secrecy. It must be awful up there, isn’t it? We get you, don’t you worry~”

“I did no such thing- Let go!” Pushing the demon away, they finally let go, managing to bring the angel to fall right back to the ground from the force. A few loose, stressed feathers managed to flutter through the air until they eventually disintegrated due to having lost its host, except for one which got caught in the demons clawed hands, who immediately brought it up to his nose to take a deep breath. “Fuck, that’s it,” he simply mused before handing it to his brother.

“You’re a bunch of weirdos! I just smiled because I’m polite! Because I didn’t want to believe every demon is naturally bad, and shouldn’t be respected, but you just proved me wrong! Fine then, I’ll get back to heaven even without your help, you’ll see!”

The angel tried to get back up again with the help of their hands, but when they lowered their head for a second, they got caught off-guard by a foot ramming into their shoulder, breaking them down to the floor. “It’s fine. You can’t admit yet to what you really want, no angel can. You want to be here with us, be free of all those burdens that the old man puts on you. We’ll take care of you, and I promise you: You’ll have one hell of a time,” he giggled, motioning for his hesitating brother to step closer.

“You were right,” he admitted, the eyes of his brother’s sparking up in proud confidence. “It got to go. We have to help the angel realize how much they need us.”

“Fine with me! But this time no fire,” the rougher devil grinned, cracking his elongated fingers as the angel groaned under his brother’s foot.

“Tearing out the other wing will leave much better memories than to just burn them off.”

[feitanswife]

how to write a horror/mystery/gothic novel that takes place in Washington State:

General:

Kent is a shithole, no one goes to Seattle unless they absolutely have to, the beaches are not for swimming really it’s almost always too cold, and Yakima calls itself the Palm Springs of Washington and whoever decided that should be shot. It’s not the Palm Springs of anything. Palm Springs of depression and murder maybe.

our weather is moody and unpredictable, use that. The other day it went from brilliantly sunny to hailing in a few minutes. It just does that. Monday can be 75 degrees, Tuesday it could snow. Especially in spring.

Western half:

It doesn’t matter where your characters live, if it’s not the absolute heart of a big city your characters WILL have convenient access to woods. Maybe not a lot, but there will be, within fifteen minutes of brisk walking or eight minutes of driving, there will be trees and bushes enough to explore. There are narrow walking trails in green belts between suburban housing developments, undeveloped awkwardly shaped plots of land between grocery stores parking lots, and woods at the edge of parks that may or may not be part of the park.

1 in every 8 houses in the average shitty suburb is full of cultists. The cults have splinter fringe cults. It’s cults all the way down. If your neighbors go to ANY church that isn’t like, one of the big well known branches of Christianity, it’s generally assumed you should cut contact with them cause they’re not worth trying to save. My town had people who pretended to be Mormons to get away with even worse shit. If your characters are in high school, they WILL be accosted by people holding signs and spouting slurs outside the school gates at least once a year. It’s just a thing that happens.

Conversely: everyone knows a couple witches. It’s just a thing. If you go to a community college there’s like a 1 in 10 chance any student you talk to practices witchcraft, and the chance goes up exponentially if they look gay. In my friend group there’s only one non witch, somehow. Stick with the witches, they’re usually pretty cool.

Other gothic genres would have you believe that forests and fields and wild places are scary, don’t be fooled into believing that’s always the case here. It’s not. In fact, the forest is often a place of refuge from, yanno, the weirdos outside of it.

You may think I’m exaggerating but I had neighbors who boarded up their own house and tried to poison the rest of our street when they moved in and spent all Halloween trying to Indoctrinate children. And there was a group of like ten people who faked being from a nearby church as an excuse to harass high schoolers and nobody knew they were fakes until I accidentally told the story to someone who ACTUALLY WENT TO THE CHURCH and was like “uh no we don’t do that wtf???” And that’s how we found of that there were people to fucked up for even the Mormons, and got kicked out and started their own operation! So what did we all do? We started walking home through the woods behind the highschool!

Basically tl:dr if you’re writing on the western half of the state, frame it like there’s scary paranormal goings on in the woods only to plot twist that the villains are humans and the forest’s paranormal activities are helpful, not harmful. Nothing in the woods is scarier than what’s outside of it. Except like, bears and stuff. But usually bears aren’t actively trying to fuck your day up.

Eastern half:

FUN GEOGRAPHY LESSON: rain shadows! We got MOUNTAINS! And when you go over the mountains there’s a huge closet wasteland cause the water gets trapped in the west side! But, between the mountains and the wasteland there’s this beautiful strip of pine forest and meadows called Central Washington it’s beautiful, it’s heaven on earth, once you go there you’ll never want to leave.... except the people there are horrible. It’s like you took a chunk of the Deep South, shook all the actual good stuff out of it, and plopped it in the PNW. Everyone is so up their own asses with politics. trump signs everywhere. So many of them are those godawful rich people who think they’re not rich cause their four story log mansion happens to be in a rural area. I can’t believe I’ve never been hatecrimed over there for how damn gay I look. THE EXCEPTION TO THIS RULE is Ellensburg. Ellensburg my beloved. It’s the best town on earth. Most pedestrian friendly location I’ve ever lived, everyone is super nice, and it’s a college town so there’s always something fun going on!

Tri cities has a bunch of nuclear plant related stuff, do with that what you will.

Back to the fact that half this state is uninhabited due to being completely dry and barren: holy shit the east is scary. It’s just nothing. Rolling hills of nothing. A three hour drive of nothing, then you get to nothing (Idaho edition).

Wine country is its own beast and I would have to make a whole post waxing poetic about how much a vineyard has to give as a gothic setting but here’s the cliff notes:

very isolated, far outside a small town where all the locals know each other, lots of big machines, old dusty barns with cluttered lofts, for straight lines of grapes you can EASILY get lost in the fields, sometimes they scare crows with LOUD AIR CANNONS, hot as hell all the time, people are on the verge between “your cool uncle with money” and “this person has never existed on the same plane of reality as you”, every house has trained hunting dogs for some reason, there’s weird mysterious birds, possibly venomous snakes, and SWARMS of bees and wasps. Oh and everybody and their brother does vineyard weddings. I’m sick to death of vineyard weddings.

Don’t let the maps deceive you. There may be a bunch of town names out there, but that doesn’t mean anything’s there. One time to go camping we drove out into the middle of the state on I-90, took an exit and turned left and kept driving for another hour on completely abandoned roads with no sign of life (but dozens of abandoned rotting houses in the distance) just to get to a “town” that reeked of “we’re getting murdered here cause half of us aren’t white and one of the 3 white people has neon pink hair”. If people wanted to go anywhere they’d have to drive an hour just to get to the interstate. They had one school building for k-12. One gas station, one tiny store, one restaurant. I could lap the entire town in thirty minutes walking. And the first building we saw was a church. Just one. As if the townsfolk weren’t given much of a choice. And there are probably 50 identical towns scattered across the east of the state. Completely isolated.

Tl:dr: want a fresh spin on the “small town full of weirdos” story? Don’t set it in the rural south! Set it in Washington, where you get all the same archetypal weirdness except they think because they’re not in the south they have some kind of moral superiority, and also your lead has nowhere to run cause the landscape is so barren you can damn near see the curve of the earth, where are you gonna hide when the tallest plant goes up to your ankles?

[corruptedconfessions]

Beta kirishima trying to comfort a omega reader please! I live a good alpha x omgea, but what about a yandere who cant scent reader naturally, and who doesnt know how to help his nesting girlfriend. This might be a bit weird, but I can totally see kiri buying a bunch of manly scented soaps to try and make up for it, or trying to scent but cant (:

Hnnn I bet he would spend nights not sleeping, just googling and researching what he can do to help his omega feel more comfortable. Buys you only the best nesting supplies, is one of those hovery weirdos who will only buy ‘omega safe’ products bc he would never forgive himself if youre sensitive skin or hair was subjected to normal soap! You’re fragile omega self could be hurt :( 

He’d baby proof his place too, those really sexist ‘how to take care of your omega 101′ books and would take everything to heart. You would be treated like a fragile glass doll, he would overcompensate since he isn’t an alpha and you would suffer for it. Definitely buys what he thinks are alpha like scents (he’s thought about it a lot, hes always wanted to be an alpha, even before meeting you, its where his obsession with manlyness stems from), hell he might even buy those super expensive colognes made to make betas smell like alphas, although they always fall short enough to make your inner omega curl their nose and arch away from him, not liking the artificial smell which hella hurts his feelings. 

He’ll always be trying to over compensate and prove himself to you to make up for him being a beta. Constantly showing off how strong he is for you, cooking for you, tending to you, providing for you. He’ll def try to scent you even though he knows it won’t do anything, he can pretend, though.

Oh shit don’t even get me started on knotting insecurity

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“K-kiri...Stop, it’s okay.”

You squirmed under the beta, pitifully pushing his shoulders as you tried to shove him away from where he was burying his face against your throat, rubbing his cheek against the scent gland on the side of your neck. The redhead growled softly down at you as you shoved him again, his grip on you tightening as he pushed closer to you, the scent of his musky shampoo drifting up to your nose. Immediately you scrunched your nose in disgust, close enough to your heat that the strong artificial scent was agitating, rubbing you the wrong way, especially since it was in your nest. 

“No! I can do this! I’m your alpha and im going to take care of you! I read that scent marking helps soothe preheat cramps and nausea.”

You bit back the unhappy growl that bubbled in your throat, knowing it would just cause the beta to be even more up in your nest and your business, something you didn’t need right now while hormones were rolling through your body, preparing you for you upcoming heat. 

There was no way to get him off you anytime soon...unless. 

“Kiri...Im hungry though.”

You whined out the complaint in your cutest baby voice, jutting your lip out into a pout that made you feel silly, hating how you boiled yourself down to an omega stereotype, but it always had your boyfriend melting against you. 

This time was no exception. 

Almost immediately the redhead was pulling away from you, staring down at you wide eyed as he practically scrambled off of you and out of your nest. 

“I’m sorry, baby! I didn’t mean to neglect you! I’ll go make you something healthy, okay?”

Your pout deepened when he said that, having hoped for cookies or the unhealthy comfort foods he would make for you when you cried or he fucked up especially bad, not the clean healthy food he always insisted you eat to ‘help balance your cute little omega body’

“Aw, don’t give me that look! You’ll need your strength for this next week~ I promise i’ll get you a treat after if you’re good!”

The beta swooped down to drag you up into a deep kiss, ignoring the instinctual growl that vibrated from your throat when he moved so quickly into your nest. He licked and nipped at your bottom lip playfully for a moment before letting you go again, practically running out of the room to the kitchen. 

At least you would get a moments peace...though you would probably regret it when he came back with a four course meal, pushing the food against your lips and refusing to leave or back down until you ate it all.

He may not be an alpha, but he sure had the aggression and overbearing nature of one.

[ankewehner]

Livetweet of accidentally getting into fairyland...

Best twitter thread ever?

https://twitter.com/NeolithicSheep/status/1330548523721515013 Shepherd: Oh hey Ursula, do you have the number for those people who take out invasive plants still?

Ursula: Probably somewhere, yeah. They said they didn’t usually work on such small properties, though, and I don’t know if I’ve got an infestation worth their time.

Shepherd: Ok but what if I say "kudzu" to you, can we throw enough money at them to make it worth their time.

Ursula: If you say “kudzu” to me, I will panic, scream, and come running to Dogskull with a flamethrower.

Shepherd: Ok well I suggest driving but maybe pack up the flamethrower. Ursula: OH MY GOD YOU FOUND KUDZU OH GOD WHERE IS IT ARE YOU SURE IT ISN’T JUST WILD GRAPE

Shepherd: YES I KNOW WHAT WILD GRAPE LOOKS LIKE THANK YOU anyway I was walking Beamer this morning after the deer ate breakfast and the white deer was walking down toward the back of the property, you know that low tucked away part? And I thought, well, we'll just trail after her at a polite distance and if I'm lucky I'll find some of her fur caught on a bush! Wouldn't that be great! So we kept going past the big ass fucking oak trees that make, like, that weird arch? And there's kudzu.

Ursula: What big oak trees?! There’s no big oak trees back there! It’s all pine!

Shepherd: Yeah you know, the two really big motherfuckers that look like English oak. They're like, way the fuck back there.

Ursula: There are no English oak on Dogskull. Are you sure you weren’t trespassing on the Freemason’s property?

Shepherd: No they're closer to the front I think? Who's next door to them? Also I thought Dog Skull was 7 acres? Because I should be off it and hitting the road by now.

Ursula: Next door to them is the people with the trailer on its side. Do you see any trailers lying on their sides?

Shepherd: A lot of oak trees, a little bit of kudzu, zero trailers in any orientation. Some birds and squirrels. Oh hey Beamer found a nice pond.

Ursula: Okay, this is important. Do the oak trees still have leaves on them?

Shepherd: Yeah but so does the one up front. Oh wait. These are, uh, still green. Like summer green.

Ursula: Right. Okay. This could be a problem. Give me a couple minutes, we have to take trash to the dump and then I’ll look some stuff up. Meanwhile, DON’T EAT ANYTHING.

Shepherd: You mean in case it's poisonous, right? Like THEORETICALLY if I didn't see this tweet until just now and HYPOTHETICALLY I found an apple tree and ate an apple, that would be fine?

Ursula: ...that would not be fine.

Shepherd: Beamer didn't want any, which was weird I thought.

Ursula: INDUCE VOMITING! INDUCE VOMITING!

Shepherd: He didn't eat anything! I'm not going to gag my dog for not eating an apple!

Ursula: Not the dog! Induce vomiting in yourself! Every chunk of that apple needs to come out before you digest it!

Shepherd: FINE. I have puked it up. It was a really good apple, too.

Ursula: Oh thank god. Whew. Okay. The alternative was that you were gonna need a cold iron enema and I wasn’t sure how to do that on short notice.

Shepherd: Oh hey fun fact, "cold iron" is just, like, iron. It's not a special kind or anything!

Ursula: Do you have any on you right now? Beamer’s collar or tags or anything?

Shepherd: Collar hardware is all aluminum these days, otherwise it rusts. Let me pat down my pockets. Syringe of dewormer? Is that helpful?

Shepherd: Anyway I don't want to alarm you but uh. I can't find the trail I followed? So you and Kevin will need to go over tonight and give the boys [i.e. oxen] a hay bale and the goats and sheep two.

Ursula: No! I am scared of cows! We have to get you out of there! Look, I have a bunch of Llewelyn books from my teenage pagan days. I’m sure Scott Cunningham or Silver Ravenwolf covered this somewhere.

Shepherd: Scott Cunningham seems like a really drastic measure just because you're afraid of some cows. But sooner or later I'm going to run out of cigarettes so sure, why not. Oh!! The boys' bow pins are in my pocket, I was going to sand them today and oil them! They're very definitely iron!

Ursula: That’s good! That’s very good! If anyone tries to talk to you, keep hold of those! Now let’s see...do you consider yourself a “solitary practitioner?”

Shepherd: Ursula I'm an ornamental hermit, you don't get much more solitary. Also so far the only person who tried to talk to me was a frog.

Ursula: ...what did the frog say?

Shepherd: "SMOKING KILLS." I tossed it back in the pond.

Ursula: *rubs forehead*

Shepherd: Fucking frogs are all alike, I'm telling you.

Ursula: I really wish these authors had spent less time on “why Wicca isn’t Satanism” and more time on “what to do when you’ve strayed into the fae realms.” I mean, I understand it was the political climate of the time...

Shepherd: I feel like nobody really covers that last one anymore. You have 4 hours until the cows want dinner.

Ursula: Silver Ravenwolf suggests making your magical working space more inviting with stencils? These books spend a surprising amount of time on interior decorating as a vital part of ritual magick. I never noticed that when I was fifteen.

Shepherd: Yeah me neither honestly. It's remarkably unhelpful when you're stuck in faerie and your collie is getting bored. Shepherd: So you want me to... Build a magical working space and stencil it?

Ursula: I can’t actually see how that would help matters. Maybe I should check the Foxfire books instead.

Shepherd: I... Don't remember them having anything relevant, but I might be wrong?

Ursula: They have everything. Ooh, this one is about how to scald the bristles off a hog!

Shepherd: A) I already know how to do that and B) I do not have a hog, sufficient firewood, or a hog scrubbing brush here. FOCUS, URSULA. FOCUS.

Ursula: Sorry, the ADHD meds haven’t kicked in yet today...uh...let’s see...avoid whippoorwills, if you see any?

Shepherd: I do that already, otherwise they steal your toenails.

Ursula: If you harvest apples, leave one on the tree or it attracts the Devil.

Shepherd: You told me not to eat the apples! Am I allowed to eat the apples now??

Ursula: No! These are hypothetical apples! NO EATING! I tried to look up deer in the Foxfire books and there’s a story about somebody’s grandpa wrestling a buck in a mill dam and drowning it, but I don’t see the relevance here. I mean, Grandpa does sound like a badass, though.

Shepherd: I feel like I shouldn't wrestle deer here. What if I try telling Beamer to find his sheep? 

Ursula: Well, research has hit a small snag. I tried googling for the foxfire books and kudzu, in case there was something about fae kudzu portals, right? But it turns out your Twitter is the third hit. Shep, we may BE the experts.

Shepherd: Uh oh. OK. In that case, you and Kevin go over to Dog Skull. Hitch up Cole and Cannon and take them back to the oak trees. Put a logging chain around one and yell real loud "LET SHEPHERD OUT OR WE START PULLING"

Ursula: Oh hell no! I read tree law Reddit! I know how this ends! Do you want us to get sued by Freemasons?! 

Shepherd: I DON'T THINK THE FREEMASONS ARE THE PROBLEM HERE, URSULA

Ursula: I DON’T TRUST THEM WITH THEIR LITTLE LEVELS AND SHEEPSKINS AND WEIRDLY OCULAR PYRAMIDS Also if you see a pyramid with an eye on it, don’t eat it’s either.

Ursula: Okay. Never mind the Freemasons. I wrote a book about this once, I think. White animals, scary fae, random magic deer. It was set in Finland, so you may need to fashion some umlauts, though.

Shepherd: I've got my chore knife, I can carve so many umlauts. Do I just put them in trees until I get back?

Ursula: First of all, are you wearing pants?

Shepherd: YES I'M WEARING PANTS YOU WEIRDO

Ursula: t’s a legitimate question! I mean, I’m not wearing pants.

Now Shep, this is very important. You have to take off your pants.

Also your shoes, your hoodie, and probably Beamer’s collar.

Shepherd: Ursula. Why are we getting naked.

Ursula: To break the misdirection spell! Put your clothes on backwards!

And possibly inside out? Shit, there’s a bunch of different sources. I don’t know if they have to be inside out, but definitely backwards.

Uh...let’s see...hmm, backwards definitely. Inside out might be for leshy. Leshies? Leshys? What’s the plural form, do you think?

If you happen to see any giggling green hairy dudes, ask them what the plural form of their name is. That’s gonna bug me.

Shepherd: Beamer's collar doesn't have a backwards! I'll turn it inside out. And my clothes backwards and inside out, got it. 

Shepherd: There's just, like, frogs. And squirrels. I can hear music though! There might be a dance party, I could go ask about green hairy dudes?

Ursula: STAY AWAY FROM THE MUSIC unless it’s the Freemasons I guess 

Shepherd: No it's more folk music. The Freemasons play, like, Michael Jackson. 

ANYWAY clothes are backwards and inside out. Beamer's collar is backwards and just to be thorough I tied the rope end of his leash to his collar instead of using the clip, so his leash is backwards too. He's pulling me away from the pond! 

Ursula: Tell him to go find his sheep! 

Shepherd: I have so instructed him! Hopefully there's not, like, the faerie equivalent of really good sheep here. Hey do you want me to grab you an apple 

Ursula: No, they don’t come true from seed, but if you can cut me a decent slightly whippy twig with a few leaves, I might be able to root that sucker. 

Shepherd: ...you want me to pause a collie on a mission while I test the whippiness of twigs?? 

I HEAR MOOING. I SEE PINE TREES. 

Ursula: GO TOWARD THE MOOING

Shepherd: THERE'S THE OLD RUSTED OUT METAL THING! I'm back! On uh the opposite side of the property from the one I left from.

Also there's a goddamned chorus frog calling. 

Ursula: Yeah, they do that.

Ursula: THANK GOD THE KUDZU IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PORTAL

...oh, and you’re back, that’s good too. Very pleased.

Shepherd: Anyway you don't have to feed the boys. Unless you want to?

Ursula: There is no situation where I will WANT to feed your giant-ass death bovines.

Also, what have we learned about following the white doe into the woods?

Shepherd: She knows where the really good apples are? 

Also my boys are tiny!!

Ursula: ...I’m gonna go take a nap.

[pengychan]

[Good Omens] Winging It - Luke 1:19

Summary: Shockingly, attempting to destroy an angel without consulting God first comes with consequences. There is more than one way to fall, and a thousand more ways to inconvenience an angel and a demon who just wanted to be left in peace. Characters: Gabriel, Crowley, Aziraphale, Beelzebub, Michael, Uriel, Sandalphon Rating: T  

Prologue and all chapters are tagged as ‘winging it’ on my blog.

A/N: Almost done! It's not quite wrapped up - an epilogue is coming - but we're almost there!

***

“I say you should let me destroy him.”

“It was not his fault. One of yours was controlling him.”

“Demons cannot create darkness from nothing. They always work on what’s already there, to make it grow and take hold. Hastur will be punished once I get my hands on him, but this human is not innocent either.”

“No one is innocent, that can hardly be held against him. Without the heavy-handed intervention of a Duke of Hell, any dark thoughts he may have had would have remained thoughts, never acted upon. Not the way things played out, at any rate.”

“Does it make any difference?”

“It does, and you know it. All the difference in the world,” was the reply. Beelzebub scoffed, but did not argue further. They just crossed their arms and stayed behind as Gabriel stepped right in front of the man who had stabbed him, who stood still with a horrified expression on his face. 

Gabriel picked up the knife that had been dropped on the ground, pocketed it, and pressed a hand on the man’s forehead. The horrified expression melted into a distant, blank gaze. 

“Now, if you please,” he said. Several steps away, with the expression of someone who’d rather be quite literally anywhere else in creation - except, perhaps, in the presence of Satan himself - Crowley lifted a hand and snapped his fingers, undoing the time-stopping miracle he’d conjured.

Right away, the stillness was broken. People who’d stopped mid-stride began moving again, cries of alarm that had been cut short rang out once again, and the man - Noah, was it? - staggered back, blinking at Gabriel as though he had no idea how he’d even come to be there. 

From his part, Gabriel gave him a wide, stupid smile. Blood had been miracled away almost as soon as the two of them had broken apart - which did, admittedly, take a minute or two - but the front of his suit was red regardless. To be entirely honest, when he’d asked Aziraphale for some red ink and then proceeded to splash it on the front of his suit, they all had looked at him like he had lost his mind. Beelzebub had thought God had taken his brain in exchange for the wings, but now they could at least see what the archangel had been planning. 

“Noah!” said archangel was exclaiming, face lighting up. “Long time no see! How are you?”

The man blinked another couple of times, reaching up to rub his head. “What am I doing-- where-- wait, I… I remember you, don’t I? You gave me your coat. But what just… my head...”

“Sir! Are you all right! What is-- oh.” 

A man - one of several humans who’d quickly approached to see what was happening, or at least had begun to before Crowley so conveniently stopped time - stopped in his tracks. Gabriel grinned. “Ah, I’m fine, I’m fine! I didn’t watch where I was going and the gentleman here knocked me over, that is all. Entirely by accident.”

“Oh. It... it looked like--” a few pairs of eyes paused on the red stain on Gabriel’s clothing.

"An unfortunate end for an ink cartridge, I am afraid, but no harm done other than that."

“Ah.” A long sigh, while Noah kept looking around in obvious confusion. “Ah, thank God. For a moment we thought you were wounded.”

“Thank God indeed, I am not wounded,” Gabriel replied, voice smooth, and reached to put an arm around Noah’s shoulders. “But forget the ink, I think we should catch up…”

The young man - who would soon leave Soho with a dulling headache, still unsure of what had happened, and with a winning lottery ticket in the back pocket of his jeans - followed, and the crowd dispersed, the incident closed as far as humanity was concerned.

Well. Most of humanity, at any rate.

***

“More tea, Warlock?”

“You gave me three cups already.”

“Right. Right. It is cold by now, isn’t it? I will make more.”

“... Brother Francis. You do realize I am not going to stop asking what the hell happened just because you keep giving me tea, right?”

Ah. Well. Perhaps it had been a slightly foolish hope, that. Tea did have a tendency to smooth over a lot of trouble, but that was probably a little beyond its scope. “Well,” he said, putting up a smile. “I for one would very much appreciate it if you could

“That bloke had wings.”

“Yes, well--”

“And he was stabbed, but then he was fine.”

“You see--”

“And that was not normal lighting.”

“Actually, I was just reading about this interesting phenomena calling ball lighting--”

“And you had wings,” Warlock cut him off once again, glancing over where Aziraphale’s wings would be if he hadn’t temporarily tucked them away on another plane of existence. “Where did you put them?”

“That is… quite the handful of questions.”

“A lot of weird shit happened.”

“Language, young man.”

“You tell me what happened, and I’ll start talking like a duke.”

“Not like the duke who caused this mess, I should hope,” Crowley spoke up, walking - more like sauntering, he never walked like that when he was his nanny - back into the bookstore. Brother Francis, whom Warlock was beginning to suspect was not called Brother Francis at all, finally set down the tea pot to look back at him. 

“Is everything sorted?”

“Yes. Nothing of consequence happened, happily ever after, and most importantly Beelzebub and the Archangel Fucking Gabriel have left.”

“Actually, I am still here.”

“Gah!” Crowley yelped, actually leaping a couple of feet up in the air before turning. The bloke-who’d-been-stabbed-and-then-suddenly-had-wings was standing in the doorway, the splatters of red ink gone from his suit and wings no longer visible. He looked… rather pleased with himself for the reaction he’d solicited. “Why are you still here? Wait, is Beelzebub--?”

“They are off to find the runaway, luckily for you. Your forked tongue keeps slipping far too often, Crowley. Keep that up and you may end up giving your little rouse away, sunshine.”

“Sunshine, me? Have you hit your--” Crowley began, only to trail off as though struck in the face. “Ah. Fuck,” he muttered, the annoyance giving way to something a lot more similar to fear. Behind Warlock, Brother Francis cleared his throat, passing the tea pot from one hand to the other and then back again.

“When… when did you figure it out?” he asked. That bunch of weirdos was making less and less sense with each passing moment.

“The third or fourth time he added that expletive between my title and my name in my presence, I suppose.” The man grinned, more than a touch smug, before shrugging. “You need not worry. I will make no mention of it with anyone.”

“We’d be… grateful if you didn’t,” Brother Francis said.

“Speak for yourself,” Crowley muttered, clearly mightily annoyed.

“I owe you too much to do such a thing.” The man made a gesture as though to zip his mouth shut. “My lips are sealed. Ah, and I am glad to see the young man is all right, of course.” The man nodded towards Warlock. “I’m relieved you were unharmed.”

“Huh. I… yeah. That’s gonna be a fun story to tell a therapist one day. Thanks for pulling me out of the way, I guess.”

“You are quite welcome. I am here to thank you as well, Aziraphale,” the man added, turning to Brother Francis, whose name definitely wasn’t Brother Francis after all. “For all your help.”

“Oh. It was nothing.”

“It was far more than I had any right to ask of you.”

“To be fair, you didn’t ask.”

“And you took me in anyway. You do have a lot to teach about the greater good after all, but I assume you’d prefer not to be further involved in the workings upstairs. Am I correct?”

A nod. “Quite correct, as a matter of fact.”

“Well then, I will leave you be. Time to see if I learned the lesson I was meant to learn, I suppose.”

“... Back to your hold position, then?”

“I suppose. I will have to see what Metatron will tell me once I return to Heaven. If I am indeed to return to my duties, I will need to serve notice at the warehouse back in Southampton.”

Ah, great. So everyone here is going insane. Cool, cool. 

As Warlock sipped lukewarm tea just to keep himself from laughing a little hysterically, the man he’d known as Brother Francis and who probably was neither thing nodded, and held out a hand. “Best of luck, then,” he smiled. “And thank you for saving Warlock. Crowley and I are quite fond of the boy. You have more than repaid any debt you may have had.” 

Behind the man Crowley opened his mouth as though to protest, paused a moment, and then begrudgingly closed it. Warlock was not entirely sure why that made him grin into the cup, but it did. Not that it kept him from yelping and dropping said cup to shatter on the floor with a loud ‘fuck’  when a bolt of lighting suddenly struck inside the bookshop, blinding him for a moment.

When he opened his eyes again, blinking a few times, the man was gone and the bolt of lightning seemed to have caused no damage. Well, aside from the shattered cup he had dropped, which now Brother Francis was picking up and… magically putting back in one piece. 

Okay. Okay. Okay. 

“What the--”

“Language if you please.” The man who had once been his family’s gardener cleared his throat, and put the mended cup on the table before glancing at Crowley. “Well, I suppose we do owe him an explanation.”

“He’s just a kid.”

“So are Adam’s friends, and they clearly could handle it.”

A sigh. “Fair,” Crowley muttered, and sat down as well before he reached up to take off his glasses. Warlock had never seen him without glasses, even when he was his nanny… and as he took a look at his eyes, he suddenly knew why. He stared, mouth hanging open, as Crowley scratched the back of his head. “All right, it’s a long story,” he began. “So, in the beginning - which is to say, the Beginning with a capital B…”

***

“Archangel Gabriel. It is good to see you again.”

“Metatron. It’s good to see you as well. Am I really meant to return to my old position?”

“That is the will of God. With immediate effect.”

“Ah, I am afraid I need some time.”

“Oh?”

“I need to hand in my notice at my current workplace. It would be unprofessional of me to simply walk away on them.”

“Ah, I see. I am certain that can be arranged - would it help if they happened to find a perfect fit for the job right after you notice is handed in?”

“It would be much appreciated.”

“Consider it done. Anything else?”

“... Does God have any instructions as to what plan I am meant to follow now?”

“You know the answer, Gabriel. You need to forget there was ever a plan, and do what you think is right. You, and everybody else.”

“We may get it wrong.”

“That’s part of the package, is it not?’

“Hah. Fair enough.”

“Rest assured, however, that any mistakes made in good faith will not be dealt with as… severely as your previous crime.”

“That is a relief. However, I ought to disclose that I have grown quite... close... to Lord Beelzebub in my time on Earth. Certainly, God must be aware.”

“God knows all, including your most questionable taste.”

“... Are those God’s own words, or…?”

“My own. But I am here to speak for God, so my apologies for the lapse.”

“Right. And… the Lord does not believe this impedes my return to duty?”

“Clearly not, if you’re standing here before me.”

“... I am not going to renounce Beelzebub. I told them as much and I will repeat it before the Lord.”

“God is aware of that as well. They have been following your eventful stay on Earth very closely. It will be interesting to see how Heaven and Hell are both going from here. Change is the only certainty going forward. That, and the fact you were never forsaken. No one ever is.”

“I understand.”

“Good. Now, Archangel Gabriel - do you wish me to announce your return?”

“No, no, no need. I believe I will drop by to see my colleagues myself.”

***

“Hastur is nowhere to be found in Hell, Lord Beelzebub.”

“Hmph, of course he’s not so dumb he’d try to return. I want everyone to know that when found, he must be captured and brought to me.”

“As you wish. On what charge?”

“He disobeyed my direct order by approaching the traitor. Now go spread the word.”

“Of course, Lord Beelzebub.”

With Dagon gone, the Prince of Hell and Lord of the Flies sat back heavily on their throne and rubbed their forehead, trying to quell a growing headache and make some sense out of the event of what was supposed to be an uneventful day, at least according to the original plan.

Plans really cannot be trusted anymore, it seems.

With a grunt, Beelzebub turned their gaze on the small table right by, where - among a few mugs of dubious taste - sat a folder. Last they had laid their eyes on it, the name Gabriel F. Archer had been written on it in blood, or rather in red ink that was purposely meant to look like blood. Now, however, the folder was blank - as were the papers in it, no doubt. There no longer was any human by that name whose sins they had to keep track of. 

There was only the Archangel Gabriel. 

By all logic, that ought to be the end of everything that there may have been between them. Except that the idiot had grasped their hands before they returned to Hell, looked at them in the eye and said, “I will not deny you”.

“Even your precious concierge upstairs denied Yeshua when push came to shove. Three times.”

“I will never.”

“What if it leads to another fall?”

“I survived the first. I can take another.”

“You’re a fool.”

“I am aware.”

Beelzebub scoffed, but a smile was curling their lips as they reached to take the blank, useless folder. It burst into flames the next moment, igniting a few of the flies buzzing around their head before they let it fall on the round - there it crumbled quietly, into ash.

***

“Ugh, where’s the folder…”

Michael rubbed her forehead with a groan, coming to the realization she was really not really meant for record-keeping. Truth be told, that was a conclusion she had come to on almost a weekly basis since Gabriel had been dismissed. She’d take on fourteen wars to end all wars rather than having to keep grappling with what had been the bulk of Gabriel’s job, but alas--

“Any particular folder you’re looking for?”

Ah, speak of the devil. Or rather, speak of the archangel. 

“The one concerning renovations of the third sphere,” Michael muttered, looking up at the wall full of… nothing but folders. Paper copies were kept even after everything had been digitized, and Michael had figured finding the physical copy would be quicker than trying her luck with the password she had written down and then misplaced a week earlier.

Gabriel chuckled. “It’s just a little on your left, fifth shelf from bottom, about midway.”

Ah, yes, there it was. “Thanks,” Michael said, and reached to take it out. 

Then she froze. And blinked. And then she slowly, slowly turned.

Standing in the doorway of his office, impeccable in a light grey suit and pink tie, Gabriel grinned. “Security has gone downhill since I left,” he said. “Just letting a mortal wander right in.”

Michael opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She worked her jaw a few moments, trying and failing to find words. “You’re not a mortal,” she finally managed. He clearly was not, giving off the kind of power only a celestial being could give. 

Gabriel’s grin widened. “No longer,” he said, and suddenly unfolded his wings, causing Michael to recoil in surprise. Not his old wings, the ones she cut and tore away herself; it was something different. The golden brown of the feathers was at odds with the immaculate white of their surroundings, but it was wings nonetheless and not the scorched black that set demons apart. The being before her was the same being she had known since almost the beginning of time. 

I am Gabriel, who stands in the presence of God.

For a long moment, Michael could only stare. Gabriel’s grin faded a little before he cleared his throat and folded his wings, maybe somewhat embarrassed by the display. “My apologies for startling you, I figured I’d--” he began, but Michael crossed the distance between them in a couple of strides, and pulled him in a tight embrace before he could add anything else.

Not something Michael was usually keen on doing, that, but she felt the situation warranted it - and as he returned it after only a moment of confusion, she knew he thought the same. “No one will take your wings ever again,” Michael heard herself saying, and Gabriel chuckled. 

“Not even if God orders so?”

“Especially not if God orders so.”

Until little less than a year earlier - the blink of an eye, really, in the context of his existence - Gabriel would have been both horrified and stunned to hear such words from Michael of all people, and would have hardly believed she meant it. Now he clearly did know she meant it, and he seemed neither horrified nor stunned. He pulled back with a smile. 

“It’s good to be back.”

“Good to have you back.” Michael cleared her throat and straightened herself, deciding she had shown enough unguarded emotion for the decade. “But… how did this occur?”

“Ah, it is a long story.” A pause. “Actually, not all that long. It happened fairly quickly, but there is some background you... rather need to hear.”

“Of course. There have been developments in Hell, too - it seems they may be harboring thoughts of--”

“I know. Beelzebub told me.”

Michael blinked. “Beelzebub… told you?”

“Yes. They brought it up during the train ride to London.”

“A train ride to London,” Michael repeated, faintly wondering if Gabriel was feeling well. Angels did not get fever and much less have fever dreams, but mortals did - a detail Michael had learned after the eleventh time her appearance had been mistaken for a such episode - and perhaps Gabriel was suffering from some… drawbacks, after almost a year spent as a mortal.

But then again, back when he had still been scared of them, the scars on his back still fresh, he did hide from Sandalphon… and behind the Lord of the Flies of all beings. 

But he’s here. God willed him back. Surely he did not fraternize… did he?

Michael opened her mouth to ask, but Gabriel lifted a hand with a sigh. “I know, I know. There is… quite a lot I have not told you about. I’ll explain everything, I promise - at least the parts of everything I understand myself. But first, I would like to visit--”

“Michael, I think I found the password!” Sandalphon’s voice rang out, causing Gabriel to trail off and turn back towards the door. Sandalphon was walking in with some papers under his arm. “You had misplaced--” he began, looking up, and trailed off. 

Gabriel grinned. “Hey,” he said, and all the papers Sandalphon had been carrying fluttered to the floor. If Michael had gone for an embrace, Sandalphon - ever devoid of sense of measures - went for a full-on tackle. Gabriel didn’t seem to mind, though, and Michael opted to push aside all worries and questions for a few minutes, especially as Uriel came to see what the mess was all about. It was rare to see her smile so openly, and Michael decided to leave it at that. After all, they just got Gabriel back. 

Everything else could be sorted out later.

***

“You son of a bitch!”

“You know, given the circumstances of who is personally and directly responsible for my existence, what you just said is about a dozen different kinds of blasph-- oof!”

Of course Gabriel couldn’t really be out of breath anymore, but if he could, Daniel’s bear hug would have knocked all air out of his lungs. He laughed, patting his back. “Nice to see you too.”

“Archangel Gabriel-- look at you, I can’t believe it,” he barked out a laugh and dropped Gabriel back on the floor. “Jesus Christ, I thought you were drunk!”

“Well, I was. Too drunk to know better than telling the truth. I’d never had alcohol before, let alone in a mortal vessel.”

“Hah! I did wonder how come a can of beer got you rambling like that. So what, I passed some sort of divine test?”

“It was no test, but if it were you’d have passed it with flying colors.” Gabriel smiled, and nodded politely towards the woman in the room with Daniel. “Liv, I presume?” he asked, but of course he already knew the answer. Daniel had a photo of his wife in his wallet, taken before the cancer diagnosis was ever uttered.

“It was probably already eating away at her, but you’d have never known looking at her,” Daniel had once said in a rare moment of talkativeness about the subject. Gabriel had agreed that the woman in the photo did indeed look radiant, and that was precisely how she looked now. Of course, most souls that make it to Heaven do. 

“That would be me. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“Pleasure’s all mine.”

“What are you doing here?” Daniel was asking. “I mean, you were cast out - they decided to hire you again?”

“In a manner of speaking. I’ll have to hand in my notice back in Southampton, I am afraid, but I do plan to keep in touch with our colleagues. Hopefully they will all come here when their time is up. Although I must say, Łukasz is on thin ice if he keeps on putting cream in carbonara.”

“Oh, I’m sure you can put in a good word for him if needed, no?”

“Me? Ah, I don’t know. Maybe,” Gabriel replied, all fake innocence, and Daniel laughed.

“Never had a friend in a high place before. This is a nice change of pace,” he said, dropping a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder before his expression turned… a little more serious. “I’ve got to thank you for all your help. Finding my brother.”

Ah, that. “It is all right. I am only regretful he was not found on time for you to meet in person.”

A pained expression crossed Daniel’s features, there one moment and gone the next. “... Well, I do hope… he will come here? Eventually?”

“Oh, yes. He and his wife are well on track to gain access to Heaven.” Unlike your parents, Gabriel thought, but Daniel had not asked once about them and he chose not to bring them up. “Actually, they want me over for lunch next weekend. I figure I ought to go.”

“Ah, of course.” Daniel seemed to hesitate. “Tell him I said hi. I mean, I know you can’t say that, but if you could just-- try and-- let him know. You know what I mean?”

Yes, he did know. “Of course. And one day they will probably both want to smack me for not coming clean,” Gabriel said. “Ah, before I forget - would you like to have Lawrence’s old dog?”

Daniel blinked and looked over at Liv. She shrugged, at a loss. “Lawrence’s… what?”

“His old dog. It has passed away, and as all dogs find their way to Heaven, it is only a matter of finding out its name…”

***

“He’ll keep calling you Brother Francis for a while before he gets used to your name, isn’t he?”

“Most likely. I cannot  blame him, it was a lot to take in. I certainly do not mind, when it came to choosing a name I picked that of someone I do admire a great deal.”

“That weird hippy who talked to birds? Should have known when you kept welcoming pests into the garden.”

“Heh. Maybe you should have been the gardener after all, as long as you promised not to terrify the Dowlings’ poor plants too much.”

“And leave the role of nanny to you?”

“Well, why not?”

“You wouldn’t have looked half as good in that dress, angel.”

Leaning next to him on the huge bed in their cottage - Crowley had not expected Aziraphale to join him on it, truth be told, but he had no complaints; maybe the day had just been that draining - Aziraphale chuckled. “Well, I would say we did a decent job with the boy. He took it better than I expected he would, all things considered.”

“We did keep out some parts of the story.” Namely, the fact they had briefly talked about… getting rid of him, when they believed him to be the Antichrist. Not that either of them had followed through, or even wished to.

“True. But all things considered, he was more excited than anything else.”

“He’s still eleven, of course he was excited. He’ll be back with even more questions.”

Aziraphale nodded. “Maybe we could have him over here next time. At the cottage.”

“Can’t see why not.”

“... We could have wiped his memories off. Do you think he will really keep all this to himself?”

“He’ll be thrown in the madhouse if he tells, to use his own words. He’s a smart kid. Takes after me.” Crowley grinned. “He’ll keep it under wraps like Adam and his friends did. More smart kids. I wonder how they’re doing.”

“Well, I am reasonably certain we’ll find out in September. I would be very surprised if they didn’t receive a wedding invitation themselves.”

“Wedding invitation?”

“Ah, yes, it came in the mail. I forgot to bring it up - remember that dear Anathema and… Newton, I think the name is? They kindly invited us to their wedding.”

“Did they? How nice. I will need to find a good dress.”

“Don’t you upstage the bride now, you know it’s not nice.”

“I am not nice.” Crowley hissed, and Aziraphale just chuckled before he stretched. Crowley considered asking once again if he was sure Gabriel would indeed keep their secret, but decided not to. Aziraphale seemed certain, and he was… willing to trust his judgment, this time.

“Ah, perhaps this is a good occasion to find out if sleep is indeed all that you make it out to be,” Aziraphale was saying. “You’ll ensure I wake up in the morning, won’t you?”

Crowley blinked a moment, taken aback. Then Azirapahle raised an eyebrow, clearly confused by his sudden silence, and he cleared his throat with a quick nod. “Of course,” he said, having absolutely no intention to rouse Aziraphale any earlier than necessary. 

With complete control over his human form, Aziraphale was of course able to will himself to sleep within moments, his expression absolutely peaceful. Crowley could have done the same, but he… didn’t. Not yet.

A good night’s sleep was indeed all it was made out to be and then some more, but at the moment he didn’t mind staying awake just a little longer.

***

“So you were re-hired for your job? That sounds exciting. You must be happy to go back. Have more cake.”

“Ah, thank you. It did feel a lot like coming home, but it will be keeping dreadfully busy. I believe the entire business is long overdue for some rather radical changes.”

“Hmph. From what you have said before, it sounds as though you were fired without just cause.” Lawrence sipped some tea, leaning back against his seat. “I certainly hope they will not pull the same stunt again.”

“Ah, to be completely fair, there was due cause. I was simply in denial over it. Hardly anyone likes admitting to being wrong.” Gabriel took a spoonful of the block of carrot cake Berenice had just dropped on his plate, going his best to pretend he didn’t notice Doyle peering up at him from under the table, drooling copiously and trying with very little success to play the part of the starving stray. “And I have learned much in my time away. I believe management thinks that’s what makes me qualified for the work ahead.”

Lawrence shrugged. “Well then, if this is what you feel works best, I can only wish you the best of luck. Should you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to let me know,” he added.

Gabriel smiled. “Thank you,” he said, glazing over to the framed photo of Lawrence and Berenice’s wedding day - namely Doyle’s predecessor, the huge Newfoundland who’d been their ringbearer on the day,. “... If I may ask, what was that dog’s name?”

Please don’t be Fido. I cannot bear thinking about how many dogs called Fido are in Heaven. 

“Huh?” Berenice followed his gaze to the photo. “Oh, that was Chewbarka. A very good boy. Slobbered an awful lot, but he was still the gentlest boy.”

Well, that was going to make the search easier. Gabriel promised himself he’d make sure Chewbarka was found and taken to Daniel as soon as he returned, ate more of the cake, made more small talk, and shook his head with a smile when Lawrence asked him if he’d like to stay for dinner. 

“No, thank you. I really do need to go back.”

A laugh. “Ah, of course. You’re a busy man now.”

Gabriel grinned back. “That too, but as of this evening, I just have a date.”

***

“You told the other archangels about me?”

“Yes. There was no reason to keep hiding--”

“How dare you!”

“They would have found out eventually--”

“You denied me the pleasure of seeing their faces as you told them,” Beelzebub muttered, causing Gabriel to trail off, stare a moment, and laugh. 

“Hah! My apologies. It did not occur to me you’d have appreciated being present.”

“Hmph. And how did they take it?”

“I think ‘shell-shock’ best describes their reaction, but they’ll get used to it. I think. I mean, I am not leaving them much of a choice.”

I won’t deny you, Gabriel had said, and kept his word. Beelzebub snorted, but did not protest when Gabriel’s arm rested across their shoulders. They glanced up at the setting sun instead.

“... Everything from here is uncharted territory,” they said. No plan, no guarantees, no nothing. 

“Yes.” Gabriel grinned. He was doing that an awful lot lately, with childish glee. It was annoying and it made him look stupid, but Beelzebub found they didn’t mind. “Isn’t it exciting?”

***

And the angel answered and said to him, “I am Gabriel, who stands in the presence of God, and was sent to speak to you and bring you these glad tidings." -- Luke 1:19

***

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[willowaudreykeyes]

Monster AU Idea that I don’t know what to do with

Literally what the title says. Idk what to do with this, but its in my head and so i need to write it down and share it before my brain explodes. Talk about it or ask about it; whatever you want. As long as I know about it as it is still my idea, go nuts.

@ladyedwina @sparrowofsong

Warning: Does involve murder, being captured, lots of depressed Roman because I’m mean to him for no reason and it makes me sad, gory removal of fingers (not detailed but it is there), suicide mention, me swearing a lot, stabbing(not detailed), hints of Roceit; Intrulogical and qpr Pattmile

Spider Monster Who-Realises-That-His-Race-Sucks Virgil 

Born like this. Was raised to be alone but he likes being around others to feel safe, so it makes him a little awkward and even anxious around others.

Hates the rest of his kind because he’s the only one who doesn’t want to eat people. So now they all wanna kill him. 

He can retract his extra legs but it leaves small bumps in his back, so he likes to wear his over-sized hoodie to help hide them.

Janus saved him from one of his own kind. Travelled with him and Logan before getting separated by Monster Hunters and running into a lonely wolf-Patton.

Is now Patton’s spider child, despite the fact that said father figure is afraid of spiders. And that Virgil is technically older then him. He does try to look past the ‘too-many-eyes’ and ‘long, hairy legs’ thing; which Virgil appreciates.

The only one of the group that knows how mobiles work and he finds it funny as fuck.

Werewolf Underdog (ha) Patton 

Runt of the litter.

Can shift between a humany appearance, an actual grey-brown wolf and a bipedal werewolf. He isn’t the third one often and actually enjoys being a more typical wolf as he can be passed off as a wolf-dog hybrid and has gotten free bones and pets.

Ran away from his pack as they didn’t want him to die but also didn’t want him to get stronger, then raised a bunch of homeless orphans at a young age and also defended them from a trafficking ring by ripping out a bunch of people’s throats. 

Yeah... he brought them to an orphanage afterwards as it’s safer then the streets. Then he ran away again; at this point he’s only 15-16.

Lives alone and homeless for a few more years before running into Virgil and immediately adopting him. 

Patton helped Virgil find Janus and Logan so now he has more children (who are all older then him but he ignores that).

No one will go hungry EVER with Patton is around. He is the caretaker of this pack and he will not let his pups feel hungry ever- 

He’s not over how shitty his pack was to him and it’s very obvious.

When he meets Emile though, it lifts a lot of weight off his shoulders as he learns not to be so all-bearing of others issues. And he also feels safer talking to him about his old pack as he doesn’t want to be pitied by anyone.

Tired-As-Fuck Vampire Logan 

Who’s like 600 years old and knows that a lot of History that the modern day tells everyone is wrong and HATES that he’d be found out if he started yelling at people how wrong they are.

Parents wanted him to drop science and be a farmer. They, and his younger siblings, all died when their crops were poisoned two weeks after he moved out to do his science elsewhere.

Oh and he was bit by the person who 1. Was his partner in science and 2. He was head over heels for them because they let him take risks but still made sure he was safe as he did them.

So that pissed him off quite a bit. Because he almost instantly killed the couple who took in the sickly scientist because the wife cut her finger. He managed to kill the cow instead but he ran away afterwards and never saw them again.

Ran into Janus 300 years later -after travelling a LOT and learning a LOT and nearly dying a LOT and feeling so much that he doesn’t wanna feel anymore because that’s 300yrs of friends dying- and decided to travel with the one type of guy who won’t die of old age!!!

Then Virgil appeared. Then Patton. Then the Twins. Then Remy. Then Emile. He wishes that his dead heart would stop making him want to protect them all to his last breath but what can ya do?

He will murder anyone to save the others- but much prefers to just stay inside and just experiment on the occasional new thing that he finds.

Protector. Leader. Professor. Tired. Doctor. Cantor (yes he was Jewish for a little while after the bite but now he’s Atheist). University Chancellor. Lots of titles and he got them all legit too, although some are a little out of date.

Do not ask how he feels about the others. Especially Remus. He will glare at you without a word before moving on with his life.

Naga Will-Steal-You’re-Last-$5 Janus

Age? Social construct. He hints at being around Logan’s age but that could be give or take a hundred years or so.

He can shift between having a tail and legs- but ofc much prefers the tail. But he hates that his teeth change with it as it makes him hold his ‘s’ more when he talks.

When no tail, the left side of his face is very scarred. Someone tried burning off the scales on his face but the scars only appear when he’s trying to look human. When he has his tail, his scales replace them and they look fine.

Do not touch his hands or he will strangle you with them. They’re sensitive as hell without his gloves and he doesn’t know why.

He can hypnotise you to take a fucking break and he’s not afraid to do it (except on Logan as he’s somehow almost entirely immune)

Doesn’t like hypnotising his friends unless its just to take a break or to pull them out of an anxiety/panic attack. Every other living thing isn’t off limits though.

Lived alone until he met Logan. He also liked killing everyone he met until he met Logan. The only reason he didn’t kill Logan was because the nerd almost chopped off the end of his tail. The others don’t know this and it’s staying that way.

Has a cane to walk with for days that his legs decide that they wanna be a tail but he’s in public for some reason and he can’t and it sucks.

Almost killed Remy when they first met. Literally- he stabbed him in the side. Now they’re best buds over it and it was weird how quickly it happened too.

Has stolen Roman’s last $5. He will not be returning it. He hasn’t spent it because he finds him cute funny when he’s mad.

Siren But-Flips-Off-The-Sea-And-Heights Roman

Was born a Prince! With his weirdo of a twin. They were well liked and he was next in line for the throne and he was gonna be given a wife-

He wasn’t happy that it HAD to be a wife and when he argued that he wanted a guy; everyone turned on him and threw him into the ocean. So... fuck them.

Sirens saved him by turning him into one. He hates it.

Was forced to eat kelp or people. He chose kelp. He hated it.

Was dragged out of the sea by his brother who had been thrown into the evil swamp nearby and is now a banshee. Not as bad but he’s still rather pissed.

Although he was a little sad when he heard, 100yrs later, that his entire kingdom died of the plague. He moved on quickly though.

He hates the sea and doesn’t go near it. If it all dried up one day, it’d be the happiest day of his life. He doesn’t even eat seafood anymore as it makes him upset just looking at it.

He still likes to sing. He can control if it’s going to mind-control those who hear it or not; but it’s a little annoying as he can’t get too into it without accidentally losing control. Doesn’t stop him though. 

He learnt how to play multiple instruments, made anonymously published books, the money-earner of the two. Although he was jealous that Remus was better at more hands-on stuff and is slowly, but happily, learning how to craft things from wood.

He and Remus never separated. Even when Monster Hunters sprayed him with water, forced his tail to appear, and took him to a facility to be imprisoned forever. That’s another thing he was mad about since Remus refused to just fucking RUN but he was happy to see his brother be proud of him when he dug VERY sharp teeth into a mans arm.

Had to be carried out by Janus when he, Logan, Patton and Virgil decided to free everyone inside. Every other creature could run except him, which led to him and Remus staying with them.

He definitely, 100%, no-doubt-about-it got a massive gay crush on Janus when he taught him how to fight. And sword fight. And dance. And how to look after his rather pretty scales.

In the 200-300yrs since he’s had a tail, he hasn’t ONCE really looked after them. So when Janus helped him out and made his scales less gross and more gorgeous, he actually started liking his tail a bit.

The Ocean can still go fuck itself though.

Oh and the one time they visited the Seattle Space Needle? Yeah, fuck heights too.

Banshee Will-Eat-Your-Fingers-If-Given-The-Chance Remus

After Roman got thrown into the ocean, he went on a rampage. He didn’t kill anyone, but he sure as hell got close to murdering their shitty father.

They tied him up and tossed him into the nearby swamp, where he nearly died. He inhaled days worth of magical fog that eventually turned him into a banshee. Which is just the ability to scream so loud that he makes people pass out, which is useful. Oh and sharp teeth that he looks after really well.

He managed to escape the forest, he screamed at a passing merchant and took his horse, and went to the ocean where he found Roman depressingly eating kelp on a rock off in the distance.

He literally got on a boat, dragged the surprised but happy fish into it with him, and made sure that they would never be separated again.

Didn’t care about what happened to their old kingdom. 

He learnt how to make weapons, how to blacksmith, how to glassmith, how to make clothes- Literally anything he could since Roman kind of sucked at making anything that wasn’t music or a story of some kind. Fine by him since he knew the quality of the weapon he was stabbing people with.

When the hunters forcefully made Roman’s tail appear, he tried to scream to make them all pass out but they were ready and punched him out. He would have found it a little funny if he didn’t wake in a jail cell with a thing over his mouth.

The two worst things about it: He couldn’t see Roman and know if he was okay and he couldn’t cuss out the guards.

When that nerdy but very murderous vampire broke in and helped him out of the prison, he returned the favour by biting off the fingers of a guard that had broken Logan’s glasses. He later on fixed said glasses as well but he thought the fingers removal was a better thank you.

Loves Logan; only Roman, Janus and Emile have figured it out. Virgil thinks he’s plotting to kill the vampire one day, Remy doesn’t pay attention and Patton thinks that Logan is a good influence on him (he’s not wrong as he slowly stops describing brutal murders and talks about gross facts that Logan does and doesn’t know)

Remy No-It-Isn’t-Short-For-Remington-Yes-I-Am-A-Dragon-Roman

Born as a shapeshifting dragon. Was supposed to live like a recluse like the rest of his kind but said ‘fuck that’ and now works at a clothing store in a town full of morons for entertainment.

His kind does get tired rather easily so he lives off coffee. He is addicted and luckily for him; his body won’t get used to it so he doesn’t have to heighten the dose of caffeine in every drink. Yay!

Two things happened when he first met Janus and Roman. The first is that he got stabbed by the Naga because he may or may not have seen him wearing some shiny rings that he REALLY wanted. He wanted it more then Janus, so he found it okay to do- but got stabbed for it.

Two; he then bit Roman (who kinda deserved it when he tried to ‘slay the dragon’ when Janus had saw his unnaturally-bright brown eyes) and was dragged to see everyone to figure out what to do with him.

He managed to talk his way out of being murdered by Remus by sheer amazing personality (he’s x5 sassy when afraid and Remus thought he was hilarious) and just decided to hang around everyone just because he could.

Being stabbed turned into a joke between him and Janus and now they’re besties who totally don’t steal from random assholes that they run into down the street. It’s a now competition to have the shiniest collection (Janus is winning but gives Remy the occasional shiny thing as he knows that dragons get very mad about hoard sizes sometimes)

When they all moved towns, he dragged them to one where his old friend Emile was. He also introduced Virgil to Starbucks and their coffee and is still getting berated for it to this day.

Oh and when he does manage to let himself be a dragon, he’s about as large as a horse and has really pretty black scales with a light brown underbelly. His eyes turn bright green too. Virgil calls him Starbucks’s best mascot.

Emile Is-A-Disney-Fairy-Stereotype

Can grow and shrink on command; can also make his wings appear and disappear although it does hurt not to have them out almost daily.

Pink wings and pink hair. Very popular fairy attributes (for both fairies and Monster Hunters)

Can see aura’s of humans and monsters. They look very different depending on species but he LOVES seeing human ones the most as they are often filled with more colours.

Is a therapist, is a cartoon nerd, is able to make you a dress that disappears at midnight

... Can also see your dreams but doesn’t like doing it as its intrusive and it feels like he’s breaking some kind of human Confidentiality agreement 

Being a therapist has changed a lot of his views on personal space (like the whole dream thing he has). He’s very in-your-face when excited, but as a kid he would CLING to people at every chance he had. Even strangers. It wasn’t a good habit.

Became a therapist, an independent one too, because a human friend of his died of suicide and he blamed his therapist who was telling him a lot of bad advice. And said therapist wasn’t supportive of his friends gender-identity crisis as he was very strict on ‘born a boy is a boy’ kind of thinking.

Now Emile takes in teenagers for free and adults at a lower price then a normal therapist. He doesn’t have a great living space (upstairs from his office don’t tell anyone) but he doesn’t care! 

Met Remy as he was one of his patients once. He can tell when someone isn’t human due to their aura’s and nearly fell out of his chair when a FUCKING DRAGON walked in.

After Remy finished his sessions, he still visited occasionally and always remembered his favourite drink (chocolate smoothie with whipped cream and caramel shavings and a chocolate stick or five sticking out- and Remy thought his coffee addiction was bad)

And after not seeing Remy after six months, only to find that he has made friends with a lot of other creatures made him so happy.

Then confused when they all dragged in this fairy therapist into their group. Where Logan asked for the occasional emotional advice (not at ALL related to Remus-), Janus made sure he got a better living space, Remus and Virgil gave him someone to talk to about darker cartoon ideas, Roman (after the 18 times he asked for a magical dress) started making cartoon-stuffs for him, and Patton...

Patton helped him realise that he was still very gay despite the AroAce that he was. He gave him head scritches when stressed, the help he needed trauma-wise, the cartoon marathons with the doggo using his legs as a pillow-

And Patton gave him someone to talk to about all his feelings about his clients (without breaking any rules ofc). And about his old friend and the terrible therapists that he’s met.

He will admit to anyone that he squealed when Janus told him that Patton was pan aroace. Seriously, just ask. He is not ashamed of his excitement of the fact that he has a CHANCE WITH THE CUTE WOLF DAD.

[kbstories]

Axiomatic

ax·i·om·at·ic (adj.)

Self-evident; unquestionable.

The best part of battle is the afterparty.

(Or: Remember that banquet Luffy promised? This is it.)

Tags: Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Partying

Set in Wano. Spoilers for all of Wano. Read Chapter 2 here.

***

“What do you think?”

Lipstick glides over thin lips, the wax malleable and smooth as it leaves a coat of rusty red in its wake. Killer makes sure it’s perfectly even before he glances elsewhere. In the mirror, Kidd’s face is all scowled impatience.

One last run-down – eyeliner, mascara, lipstick: done, done and done – then Killer grabs the mask waiting for him. “Alright, let me see.”

Their eyes meet and Killer sighs. Metal over skin-and-bone, Kidd’s arms are crossed; his shaved brows push together further. As if Killer doesn’t indulge his every whim by the regular.

“I’m looking. Show me again.”

Kidd grumbles, “Watch.” He opens his arms, reveals an unbuttoned shirt tucked into his favorite patterned pants, glinting gold over black under a double-belted cinch at the waist. So far, so very Kidd.

No, the point of discussion is the frankly massive coat slung across his neck: Nice soft-looking suede on the outside and glossy-grey fur on the inside, it hugs Kidd’s shoulders in all the right places to then cascade down his back in a display of near-ridiculous opulence.

Extravagant, over-the-top, flashy. It’s hard to tell which type of animal had to die for this. There must be a lot less of ‘em now, with this monstrosity in the world.

Kidd is swiveling it back and forth with critical glances to the mirror, the coat wooshing with the motions. Killer takes in the fluid glide of fur over Kidd’s exposed chest, the contrast of impeccable couture against jagged scars. Loses himself for a moment or two imagining how it would feel like to run his hands over both.

An appreciative hum. In Killer’s educated opinion, Kidd looks damn near sinful.

“Yeah?”, Kidd asks and Killer nods. “Yeah. Heh, told ya the detour’s worth it.”

Perhaps it was, although sifting through Onigashima’s treasury whilst bleeding all over heaps of shiny expensive everything might’ve been a case of skewed priorities. There’s no need to talk about what-could-have-beens, though – they’re here, they’re rich and they’re long overdue at Strawhat’s banquet.

Killer’s practically done, tight jeans under a shirt that’s done up to the third button and left to flare open otherwise. It’s not his old favorite (that one stopped fitting him a good year ago) but similar enough, patterned in geometric black-and-white shapes. Definitely one of his fancier ones, not that anyone will care one way or the other where they’re going.

It’s… been a while since it’s been anyone other than them and their crew. Pirates are pirates, allied or no; Killer eyes the scythes neatly stored next to the bed.

Kidd is touching up his lips one last time, the same shade as Killer’s. “Bring ‘em. That Roronoa guy keeps throwing you weird looks and I’m not allowed to kill him.”

Yet goes implied. Killer isn’t wearing his mask and so he doesn’t roll his eyes. “He’s got every reason to”, he reminds his captain, focusing on the heavy clasps of his weapons to keep the memories at bay. The red mark on his chest stings, stuck in the limbo between a healing wound and a fresh scar for a few days still.

A testament to his failure that Killer won’t hide. If Zoro hadn’t stopped him that day his hands would be stained with blood that cannot be washed off, not entirely.

Kidd’s eyes are on him, dark. “I don’t care.”

Resentful as always. Killer reaches for him, digs his fingers into the fluffy lining of that coat and oh, the fur is as soft as it looks. “I do, though.” A firm tug, one Kidd follows until Killer can kiss him, careful not to smudge anything.

“No killing of allies today, ‘kay? We just came back from a war. The crew’s tired. I’m tired.”

“Mh” is all Kidd has to say to that, a grumpy huff against Killer’s lips more than anything. Kidd does give him a proper kiss, however, and Killer knows he won this one.

All he can ask of Kidd is to try, anyways – with two equally hot-headed captains and a whole host of morons around to rile him up, there’s bound to be blood eventually. The trick is to make sure everyone’s drunk enough not to take it too personally.

A pinch to his ass tells Killer he was caught scheming. Kidd smirks, tells him, “We’re getting wasted tonight”, all triumphant like it’s the best idea he’s had all week, and Killer doesn’t miss the emphasis on we.

“Two Emperors down! Strawhat better bring the good stuff tonight or this alliance is over.”

Killer groans, “Kidd”, but he’s smiling, too. Before he can be called out on it, Killer shoves his mask into Kidd’s hands, metal clanking against metal. “Make yourself useful. We’re late.”

Kidd’s laugh is more of a cackle than anything else – “Yes, darling”, said in that sarcastic lilt Killer knows all too well – yet Kidd complies. His hands, organic or otherwise, handle the mask they’ve built with care and precision. Soon, Killer’s vision is narrowed down to dots, the audio filter of his helmet kicking in soon after.

Killer rolls his neck and hums, satisfied. “Ready?”

Kidd throws a final look at himself in the mirror, grinning into the collar of his new coat.

“Hell yeah. Let’s go.”

*

The banquet is a sprawling, messy affair that swallows the entirety of the ramshackle village the Strawhats picked as their home in Wano Country.

From the moment the Kidd Pirates get there they are surrounded. Wherever Killer's eyes roam there are knots of people drinking, eating, laughing and crying, sometimes simultaneously – there, at the heart of it all where the crowd is thickest, burns the largest bonfire Killer has seen in a while, perhaps ever. Smiling faces all around and for once, it doesn’t make Killer’s stomach drop because they’re genuine.

Survivors of SMILE just like him, caught in the rush of real emotions for the first time in who knows how long. Killer has a pretty good idea how that feels like.

Next to him, Kidd is so tense he’s stalking, gaze intense, oozing Haki to keep people away; Wire’s hand is clenched to bloodlessness around his trident while Heat exhales a bit of smoke with every breath and yeah, Killer gets it. Can’t help it himself, either, scythes kept close to his sides to make sure they’re there.

The thing is: They don’t do these kinds of things. Parties, yes, many and often but not like this. Killer can count on one hand the amounts of times the population of any island was actually happy to see them, much less willing to send them off with one big feast.

Actually, he wouldn’t need to count at all because it’s simply never happened. Even filtered by his mask it’s… a lot to take in at once.

The entire damn country is here, it seems, all breathing a collective sigh of relief so monumental the air itself carries their joy. For all that the Kidd Pirates were in this for revenge and glory, Killer can’t deny it’s rewarding to see a nation so ravaged by an Emperor’s greed do whatever they want for the first time in decades.

Finally, a few familiar faces start popping up. Some of the samurai greet them with nods of their heads, overly formal like the people from Wano tend to be; here and there they spot the distinctly branded yukata the members of Trafalgar’s crew are wearing and, rarer but all the more noticeable, those animal people Strawhat dragged along from somewhere.

Minks? Or something? Killer is inclined to say it doesn’t matter if they didn’t have the habit to jump on them out of fucking nowhere. Looking for bone-crushing hugs and wet-nosed kisses, of all things, and– Oh no, he did not sign up for this.

Much less for whatever that group of cat minks are gearing up to, staring at the holes in his mask with eyes nearly swallowed by black, round pupils. Killer is absolutely, solidly convinced he doesn’t even want to know what that’s all about.

“Captain.”

And yeah, his tone is a little more alarmed than he truly means it to be. It gets Kidd’s attention, though – himself having fought off a dog mink enamored with his metal arm not too long ago – and he barks a laugh even when he ramps up his presence to an almost stifling degree.

“C’mon, I feel Strawhat up ahead.”

To nobody’s surprise, they find him smack dab in the middle of everything. Strawhat and his crew are lounging around the bonfire, there’s no other way to describe it: All broad smiles and flushed faces amidst the chaos, completely in their element, and it’s hard to tell if it’s the closeness to the bonfire or the vaguely impressive amounts of empty bottles lying around already. They’re certainly boisterous enough for it to be the latter, even Jinbei.

And no, Killer hasn’t quite processed that turn of events yet. The strangeness of seeing someone of that caliber wheeze into his mug with laughter as his (new?) captain takes a disturbingly big bite out of an even bigger chunk of meat is… not helping things, in that regard.

What a bunch of weirdos. In the safety of his mask, Killer allows himself a small smile.

From here the flames seem to reach for the sky, tinged in warm pinks and oranges by the sinking sun and there, very faintly, Killer can make out the first stars. He can’t remember ever seeing them, not with the factories running over night as well.

“Spikey!!”

Ah. Killer’s head turns with Kidd’s and it’s a good thing, too, because there’s a stretched arm coming for his captain – Kidd bites out, “Nope, no, Strawhat”, red eyes going wide – and Killer manages to side-step it in the last possible second. One, twice it wraps around Kidd, fancy coat and all, and then the rubber recoils.

“Killer!”

Oh my, Killer thinks mildly as he watches him go. Behind him, half their crew is flabbergasted and the other half is in stitches. “Captain’s gonna be in such a mood”, Heat says to Wire, and it just sends them into another fit of chuckles.

For Killer, finding a drink becomes his top priority. So much for keeping things peaceful.

>>Chapter 2.

[hackedmotionsensors]

Hey I feel like you’ve already answered this but what are some of your favorite iron man or Captain America comics and why? What story lines would you recommend? I’m curious about the more modern stuff. What’s some of your fav comic artists when it comes to marvel?

OKAY SO. 

holy shit this got long so UNDER THE READ MORE WE GO

This is always kind of a hard question to answer because I personally have not read everything in regards to either Iron man or Captain America. I’ve read the Tales of Suspense stories a lot because I keep trying to start over from the very beginning. And that’s not always helpful if you just wanna dip your toes or give Iron Man/Cap a go.

So what I CAN tell you is here’s what I did when I was first getting into comics around 2012.

I went to Borders/Barnes and Noble and a I read a bunch of the compilations they had in the store. Someone has already done the work FOR you so its really easy to just pick up a book and read from there. 

I started out with Invincible Iron Man  (I’m gonna link to Amazon but I suggest not buying from them because Bezos is a demon [comixology is owned by amazon as well but it is a convenient app]) 

Marvel has its own comics app but if you also read and pay for other comics its not ideal. There are places to “read comic books online” and for older stuff I definitely do this now but for newer comics I’ll try to pay for them especially if its indie. Support indie comics!!! 

Anyway. Invincible Iron Man. A polarizing story in terms of Iron Man lore. But its definitely an easy one to get into and read especially if you’re coming in from MCU and are just testing things. You don’t necessarily need to know all of his history but it covers the basics. 

Next I’d try Demon in a Bottle It’s the original alcoholism arc. A must read for general Tony’s lore. This isn’t the one where he ends up a hobo on the street where Cap helps him escape from a burning building. But this is where he goes off the rails the first time. Bethany Cabe is his current girlfriend and tries to help him. And he kind of recovers. I’m not sure this is exactly a FAVORITE but it has a lot of the important shit for Tony. His temper is something that doesn’t get talked a lot about I think but he DEFINITELY has one. The art is very..........lol its not BAD per say but its also not like wow what gorgeous art. 

Another important Tony lore is Armor Wars So you wanna read the first few times Tony and Steve fight about REAL SHIT. This is it. This is the classic story where he realizes his tech is being used by bad guys and HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP THEM NO CAP NOT EVEN YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE A GOOD GUY AND I MIGHT HAVE TO GET DIRTY. It has the classic Steve sitting in a dark room waiting for Tony to come back with his date and then throwing his shield at Tony going “I don’t want your trash”

It also has a lot of good Tony being in a morally grey area. *chef’s kiss* 

And then basically read all the fun stuff with Kurt Busiek in Vol 3 (This isn’t an amazon link but the marvel database so you know roughly where to start) 

VOLUME THREE HAS SUCH HITS LIKE

The Sentient Armor: Tony accidentally kills Whiplash in a lightning storm. The Armor comes to life. The armor falls in love with Tony and WANTS TO BECOME ONE WITH TONY. Tony does not want this. Tony is beat up and kidnapped and taken by the armor to a deserted island. The Armor is like Tony I love you so much GET IN ME NOW. Tony is about to die from a heart attack. The armor RIPS ITS HEART OUT AND SHOVES IT INTO TONY. Bye Tony I love you now we’re one forever. RIP

Tiberius Stone’s 2 arcs (they’re not in consecutive order but they’re both hella gay): Tony’s old boarding school friend shows up again and is a TV mogul and is DEFINITELY NOT Slandering Tony in the press or blowing up his buildings or framing him for MURDER oh my god Tiberius is a pain in the ass and we definitely boned down as teenagers but he would never frame me for MURDER but his TV devices that seep into your brain like the boob tube thing from Batman Forever are pretty suspicious. Oh no Tiberius IS a bad guy and he got me naked (why?) and hooked the both of us up to the TV machine and now we’re trapped in his horny tv dream why am I dressed like Alice in Wonderland???  ALSO HE SLEPT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!??

(This is why I will FOREVER get upset that Killian in Iron Man 3 isn’t Tiberius Stone. He IS LITERALLY FOLLOWING THE TIBERIUS STONE PLAYBOOK INCLUDING THE PHYSICAL LOOK WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE FEIGE YOU OWE ME MONEY!!!!)

Also at the beginning of Vol 3. Tony gets the absolute holy hell bejesus shit beat out of him. And that lasts for a WHILE and seeps into the Avengers Vol 3 (which you should also read its fun and I like that George Perez actually tries to make people look ethnically diverse but also you can tell Clint from Cap)

There’s also a part in vol 3 where Monica from FRIENDS shows up at a party and that’s a wild thing that happened.

But basically I think you can start just about anywhere with Iron Man and have a good time if you’re a deep Tony fan. He has a lot of great stories and its why he’s my favorite. Even this last run with Slott I still KIND OF LIKE ANYWAY??? bc its Tony. Its not always written to what a lot of long standing Iron Man fans would say is canon but I mean.....he’s got 57 years worth of comics behind him so he’s bound to change here and there. He was once a super villain, died, brought over as a teenager from an alternate timeline, and then merged with another Tony I forget the details but its silly lol

Side universe reading Iron Man Noir, Ultimates (Hickman’s run is very fun but also Ultimates 1 and 2. DO NOT READ ULTIMATUM IT IS GROSS, I HAVE READ IT FOR YOU ALMOST EVERYONE DIES ITS GROSS.

Ultimates is literally half of the basis for the MCU. Don’t read Ultimates Iron Man tho. Not only is it written by a creep its also extremely stupid and doesn’t even really make sense in terms of what happens later in Ultimates. It basically gets RetConned immediately.

Also Ultimates universe has Gregory Stark. Tony’s fun evil twin brother who for some reason is blonde. I can’t really give you a specific story to read with Ultimates because its the most god awful confusing universe to try and find stories from so I literally don’t even remember. I’d check an Ultimates fan blog for that.

AS FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA.

I love Steve Rogers. I really do. I think he’s a fun character. B U T. His comics for me can be very boring. He has some great arcs as someone who is supposed to be a representation of what a GOOD AMERICA can aspire to or whatever. But America often times SUCKS A LOT (our current times being very obvious). Cap definitely fights for what he believes and so that’s why he often takes off the garb of Captain America and runs around in a slutty v neck and a cape as Nomad. Or when he comes back from the dead and his BFF is the new Cap (WITHA  KNIFE) and wears the sexy Secret Avengers uniform. Very sexy. We stan the Colonel Rogers uniform very much. But his early comics are a lot of “OH MY GOD I KILLED BUCKY ITS ALL MY FAULT BUCKY!!!!! RICK JONES PUT ON BUCKYS CLOTHES THIS ISNT CREEPY I PROMISE”

A GREAT run in Avengers is the Cap’s Kooky Quartet or as I call Cap Joins the Baby Sitters Club. This goes WAYYYYYY back to Avengers 17 

It runs for a very good while before Giant-man and Wasp come back because Giant Man can’t shrink back down lmfao idiot. But its a lot of fun and establishes Cap as being a really good leader even tho he’s thrown into the hot seat because he was out on a mission and everyone else was like “We’re taking a vacay bye Cap. Good luck with the kids” *John Mulaney doing Andy Cohen impression* HUH WHAT WHY

I have no idea what to Rec really lol I know @sineala is part of a SteveTony 616 discord and they do readings every month(?) of either very SteveTony based arcs or specifically Steve or Tony arcs. But I think they have a better grasp of Steve stories than I do.

I would say most recently the run with Mark Waid and Chris Samnee as the artist is a VERY good read. The story is pretty nice and dry lol but the art. Holy shit.

I know there are a bunch of artists that really REALLY get Cap but Chris Samnee is probably my number one favorite Cap artist. Even his sort of retro style works with Cap SO WELL. And I like Mark Waid’s writing. Or at least I don’t think I’ve ever been really mad at it like with Dan Slott or Gillen (We will never forgive for what he did to Tony’s backstory and taking Maria from him) lol

Uh...but as far as I could tell the entire run where Bernie is his girlfriend is VERY good. She first shows up in Captain America 247 . Cap is an illustrator on the side (or as his main job) and man what a dope. His art habits are worse than mine like get a desk Steve. But this arc through Bernie goes through a lot of Steve being kind of stuck in the past and not knowing how to embrace the modern or future and Bernie is there being the coolest fucking chick in the world who’s studying to be a lawyer, watches Wrestling, listens to Bruce Springsteen (I think lol I forget), dunks on Cap for being a weirdo old dude. Very put together woman of the 80s. She proposes to Cap and because I think the writers changed he’s like I HAVE TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY BYE. 

This isn’t on any of the main timelines but its a good read Captain America Man Out Of Time. Basically Cap coming to grips with the future and realizing the past sucked ew. lol Also he listens to Radiohead which Tony gives him a personal concert for because of course he does.

And then of course there’s this fucking TOME of a story Captain America: The Winter Soldier .

Im gonna sound a little negative but I don’t mean it against anyone’s favorite but I have the most exhausting time trying to read this story. I’ve tried at least three times lol. I think maybe Brubaker’s weird obsession with the Cold War (Remember when he called people who were yelling at Slott for being a creep a ‘Bunch of Commies’) is just so fucking heavy handed that I can’t personally get through it. I would much rather watch the movie.

HOWEVER. There’s good old Bucky coming back from the dead. Natasha. Sam Wilson. Sharon Carter. All big players in this story. So uh lol good luck with this one. If you’re also a Bucky fan this is a must read but as I only peripherally like Bucky I don’t care to read this one. 

So I’d check out this arc.

Also a personal fave of mine is 

It starts here on Captain America 402 . Its the best story IN THE WORLD. ITS SO ICONIC. NOTHING CAN COMPETE. I LOVE CAPWOLF SO MUCH lol

[danetobelieve]

Car Shellsman || Alain and Winston

Despite a giant crustacean attacking their car and forcing Winston to run away with a weirdo who would then go onto buy them lunch, Winston managed to get their car to Babineaux Garage. They had to admit that they were starting to wonder whether mechanics were bound by the laws of an automotive equivalent of patient and doctor confidentiality. There was a giant rent down the side of their car, starting on the left side of the bonnet and taking an immediate sharp left down it’s side, ending in the wheel arch. Not to mention the already pre-existing problems with the car. Gently, carefully, they wheeled their vehicle into the garage and came to a neat stop. Stepping out of the vehicle, they headed towards the ‘office’ section of the garage. “Hey,” they said adjusting their thick lenses as they spotted a somewhat dishevelled mechanic that they thought they might’ve spoken to online, “we spoke online, I was the guy with the rattling car… that chugged out a load of smoke.” They really hoped that this mechanic didn’t notice the giant sheet of torn car bonnet.

Alain was doing bookkeeping when he heard what he suspected was the rattling car from that guy online. Yeah, that did not sound good at all, like someone shaking a box of rocks underneath it. The exhaust system, probably. He did not look up from his computer screen, however, his eyes narrowing at what the software was telling him to do. He hated this goddamn thing. Things would have been a lot easier had it been done on paper. “Fait chier,” he mumbled under his breath, spinning in his chair to get a look at his invoices. Scratching the back of his head, he glanced up at a young looking person, happy to get a break from the paperwork. “Alright, let’s have a look,” standing up from his chair, he headed in the garage. The first thing he noticed was the giant sheet of torn car bonnet. What the fuck. A loose catalytic converter, ok, that was normal. This? No. This car was a wreck. Between the car body and the converter, this would not be cheap. “You cannot drive with your hood looking like that. You’ll get arrested.” What the actual fuck.

Raising an eyebrow gently, Winston winced at the obvious sight of the hood. Swallowing somewhat awkwardly, they shrugged gently. “Uh, I don’t know what to tell you other then it wasn’t like that when I left the house, you probably wouldn’t even believe me if I did tell you what happened…” They trailed off and shuffled their feet. Their car was a touchy subject. It had never really run well, even when they got it. But then again by the time it made its way into their possession it had already been around the block thousands of times. “Normally I wouldn’t be driving this,” another lie, Winston drove everywhere they could, “but the truth is that I really need it to get to and from college, I can’t really afford to pay for a bunch of body work right now so maybe we could … I don’t know … patch it up with duct tape or something and try and make sure that it stops overheating.” They were hoping to avoid a fiery death if they possibly could but it seemed unlikely with the now trademarked bag of rocks sound that their car was making. “Can you save her?”

“Huh,” scoffing, the mechanic rubbed at the back of his neck. Of course Alain had seen cars in worse shape, but they were usually classic cars people had bought and wanted to be made brand new again. This, was a whole other situation and another kind of damage too. “Try me, you have no idea what stories I’ve heard in the past,” obviously his stories weren’t as wild as stories someone working at the ER could hear but still, people were never proud of their accidents. Alain walked around the car, running his hand on the dent on the left side. “If you’re going to be using duct tape, you’ll be the one responsible for that. I don’t want to be associated with that kind of job,” he took pride in his work, and that was simply unacceptable. Of course he was used to broke kids crashing his garage and expecting a discount because they would rather get a new pair of brand new Nikes rather than save a couple of bucks in case of such scenarios. The entitlement was terrifying. “So, just to be sure, you are completely broke, and I should save your car because…?” His hands on both hips, Alain was now chewing on his lower lip and shaking his head slowly.

“Well, the car overheated, but that isn’t that weird, it does that a couple of times a year and normally if you just leave it to cool down then it is completely fine,” Winston paused a little guilty. Cars weren’t meant to just overheat and they knew that. “Then after that I was accosted by a woman jogging who said it looked like a shit car and a shit car had had sex and given birth to this beautiful baby,” they rubbed the roof of their car affectionately, “it was at that point a giant lobster and / or crab thing turned up and assaulted my poor automotive.” They raised an eyebrow about the comment on duct tape. “Well, y’know I was joking about using duct tape but whatever you feel would be the best tool for the job, I trust your professional expertise.” They hated it when someone tried to tell them how to do their job when it came to working with computers, they were sure Alain felt the same way about cars. “Obviously I will pay whatever the work costs, but I’m a college student who works an unpaid internship and inherited this car from my elder siblings, it has a lot of sentimental value. If I can save her I want to, I’d rather not scrap her for the sake of it.”

“Did you ask her out ? She sounds lovely”, Alain commented as he squatted and had a look at the back of the car, putting on gloves before he grabbed the exhaust pipe to shake it a little bit. As he expected, that thing was loose, and that fella’ was lucky it had not fallen down on the road. “A giant lobster?” His eyebrows raised up on his forehead. This was .. interesting. Even if he did not have a habit of going after beasts, the variety of them always astonished him. At least, with vampires, you had a certain routine, the night, the solid ground. Beast hunters could easily end up several feet above the ground, or beneath the surface of water. Alain admired them but he did not envy them. His time at the ring had been very instructing and while he wouldn’t be completely clueless in front of those things, he left their care to those who had trained for them. There were enough unholy things for him to stake care of. “You don’t have to pay it all at once,” scratching his cheek, he rubbed a recent scar, one he could thank Deirdre for. “Okay, here’s what I’ll do. I’m going to look for used car parts in junkyards,” he only had to make a phone call or two, maybe look online, which wouldn’t take long. “It might not be the right color, but we can change that if necessary.” Most people did not particularly enjoy having a patchwork car.  “The catalytic converter on the other end, it has to be brand new, or it’ll just go back to making sounds,” he shrugged. The kid could go for a used part for this too if he wanted.

Shaking their head, Winston shrugged. “Honestly she was way older then me … and I don’t really go for girls that are there to make fun of my car. I don’t see why it matters what I drive as long as I get from A to B.” Pausing for a moment, they gazed as the mechanic set to work. “Yeah, I know it sounds ridiculous, but it kind of stood on my car and did that to it, honestly I was worried it would rupture a fuel line or something but I guess I got off lucky because I managed not to die or anything.” Honestly they weren’t sure what they expected this guy to believe. They probably wouldn’t believe it if they heard it. But so many weird things had been happening recently and they weren’t sure what the hell was really happening to this town. Listening to Alain’s recommendations, they paused and nodded. “I can deal with that, I think it's probably best to fix the car so that it runs as best it can, but I don’t know how far away from going to the junkyard it really has left on it.” The car should’ve been scrapped years ago really, Winston knew it, they were just too cheap to let it go.

"I've heard worse stories," Alain took a step back from the car. If a gigantic beast had stood on this car then there might be more damage than what he could see here. He'd have to check that too, but that meant dismantling everything under the hood and checking each piece which would take hours of labour. Besides he had no way of really knowing whether the damage was due to the giant lobster or to the fact that this was a wreck anyways. He did not question the veracity of the story. It probably was true. "To be honest, it'll probably cost more than what the car is worth," he scratched at the back of his head. Fixing it was something he could do and he was not afraid of that ; he felt bad for that kid, and while he would fix it if they really wanted him to, they had to know that it was a waste of money they apparently did not have. "I can already fix what we said, I would count around $500 if I can find used parts for everything." And it was unlikely that they had an insurance that covered any of this either… Alain held back a sigh and motioned them to follow him back to the front office. He'd have a look online and maybe he would even have good news.

“I dread to think what worse stories there could possibly be.” Winston wasn’t even joking, with everything that was happening recently. There was no real good news here. They could probably afford to pay that, but at that point they might as well just scrap it and sell it for parts. “Damn,” Winston winced and adjusted their glasses, “look, I appreciate the offer but I don’t even think that the car is worth that much…” they sighed and pulled their glasses off. Rubbing their eyes exhaustedly Winston sighed. “Do you have like a good scrap guy that I can try and make some money off of what is left of this thing…?” Winston looked at Alain hopefully, wishing that they had a better option than this. They felt like this was something that they could do without, but for now they would just have to deal.

“Well, the giant lobster did not eat anyone alive in your story,” Alain’s smile grew wide, so wide you could not tell whether he was joking or not. Shaking his head, he took off his gloves and headed back to his computer to have a look at prices for late 90s Buicks like Winston’s. He did not expect that they could be, after all this time, still priced at over $2,000. Well, then, maybe repairing it was worth it, but they could probably get a good price from a junkyard too, and buy another used car with that money. “Change of plans. It might be worth it. I’ll do my best to keep it affordable,” turning the monitor so that Winston could have a look, he waited for them to take a decision. Even if this car wasn’t what you could call a nice car, he could see that they cared a lot about it, and Alain appreciated that. “This might take a bit longer than two weeks,” he rubbed his bearded chin. “I could let you leave with a courtesy car if your insurance covers it.”

“Would that be something that would do? Why don’t you sound like you think I’m having a nervous breakdown or something? Why is no one concerned about how weird all of this shit is?!” Pausing for a second, Winston scratched at their stubble and considered Alain’s apparent new proposition. The possibility of keeping their car intact would be good, but only if it was worth it. There would of course eventually come a point where Winston knew that they would have to just cut their losses and hope for the best. But despite that they were somewhat attached to the car. “I can cope with a bit of a wait if there is something that you can do, I’d have to check with my insurance if they cover a courtesy car but I truly doubt it. I guess if there is anything you can do then that’d be good, but if it is going to get really expensive then I’ll have to scrap her…”

"What? Eat a person whole?" His eyebrows raised with concern. Maybe he was indeed a bit too laid back about all of the things happening in his town. "Look kid," Alain almost raised a hand to pat him kindly on their shoulder, but decided against it, scratching at the back of his neck instead, "if you're new in town, you'll either get used to it or you'll end up in complete denial," this had to be the case for about 90% of the town population, he estimated. Alain was not representative of the normal White crest citizen, far from it, and this dated back to his childhood. It was probably best for Winston to not dwell on it. Maybe they would even forget it was ever real. "I'll have a look under the hood, check if there's anything damaged. I doubt you could have drived here without lights flashing red or orange on your dashboard," he observed, filling out a form for him. "I'll need your name, address, phone number and assurance papers, etc." Pointing at different spots on the form, the mechanic glanced up at Winston's face. "Don't worry, I'll email you a quotation in a couple of hours. I'm not doing anything until you respond to the mail, ok?"

“You were the one who didn’t seem that bothered about it moments ago,” Winston replied with a laugh, “not me!” They shrugged gently and sighed. “I’ve actually lived here all my life, things were always a bit weird, you know like my neighbours cat once turned up with no fur, or one time a tree moved gardens,” they scratched at the edge of their sleeve, “but I’m starting to realise that maybe I’d been in denail before, I’m not sure how I didn’t realise all of these things before.” They sighed gently and listened to Alain’s procedure for the car. It sounded as if they were going to do a good job with it and they quickly set about filling out the requisite parts of the form that Alain had given them. Writing down their name, phone number, address and the various details that would be needed, including an email address where they could be reached. “Thanks, you’re … you seem cool.” Despite the fact that the news of a giant lobster hadn’t seemed to phase them, Winston thought that they seemed to be at least halfway decent, and they had only had a brief professional interaction.

“It’s not that I’m not bothered. I’m…. blasé ? Jaded.” Alain shrugged, sitting back in his office chair and idly playing with a pen. “Oh, I’m sorry, I assumed…” he trailed off and looked away from them. Taking the form back from Winston, Alain looked at the information for a moment, holding poorly back a smile at the compliment. “That lobster, where was it by the way?” If it had attacked once, it could attack again unless they had killed it, in which case they would probably get along very nicely. "Hey it's okay. Just don't get willingly in trouble because you no longer are in denial…" Alain had witnessed it before in others. Curiosity was something Alain had also been cursed with but at least he could afford to be curious, unlike regular humans of White crest. "Don't hesitate if you see anything weird, ok? I might be able to help," an odd offer, but he wasn't taking any chances here.

“Blasé?” Winston replied somewhat bemused, “Is there something that I’m missing here? If you’re blasé about it then you’re going to have to have been aware of it for sometime so that you could have reached your jaded state… so I guess what I want to know is what your secret is.” They shrugged. “Don’t be sorry, I’m still learning about it all. I just, I didn’t realise it was so obvious until it whacked me across the head, kind of. Figure of speech y’know.” They considered it before pulling up google maps on their phone and pointing to the road they had broken down on. “Uh, it all happened over here, so I’d avoid it …” then Alain was saying that maybe they could help and Winston was once again curious, “so you could help?” they asked somewhat skeptically wondering exactly what a mechanic would be able to do in this instance, “What is it exactly that you would be able to do against a giant lobster … thing?”

“I started learning about those things before I could read,” leaning back in his chair, Alain raised his eyebrows and smiled. “Yeah, I had a weird childhood,” and that was all Alain would say about being a child in a slayer family. “I see. Well, I can’t blame you for being in denial for a while. None of this make sense,” it was against everything they taught you at school, everything your parents normally told you. Don’t follow strangers was normal advice. If you see a vampire, stab it with a pointy stick, was not normal advice. Glancing at the map on their phone, Alain rubbed at his chin wondering if he should just tell that fella about his activities. While he doubted that they were dangerous, Alain was not willing to start a fight with a protector of supernatural creatures in his own shop. He had a glance at the shredded car and sighed. No one would have gone through so much trouble to confront a hunter, right? “I don’t hunt these specifically, but I might know someone who does,” he finally replied, scratching at the back of his head.

“Woah…” Winston couldn’t really imagine what that would be like. Deliberately choosing to learn about this. That was something that they were having to do now and they already felt as if they were behind on the game. But if they had known since they were younger then maybe they would have been able to come to terms with all of this or at least know what to do. “I mean, weird sure, but at least you know what you’re doing and how to deal with all of this … y’know … stuff.” They paused for a second more and shrugged. There was only so much that they could do. “Well, if you could put me in contact with them then I’d really appreciate that, it would be nice to know that there is someone that I can call incase I get trapped by one of those things. I don’t even know what the cops or animal control would be able to do against these things.”

“Woah indeed,” raising his eyebrows, Alain started typing a couple of things on his keyboard before putting phone numbers on a post it note for later. He’d have to make a couple of phone calls to fix Winston’s car and those always took time because he didn’t particularly talking over the phone. Heh, maybe he’d ask his employee to do it for him instead. Iker probably hated it too, but that was a perk Alain had, choosing who did the things he personally disliked. “Sure, I’ll send you that by email,” now whether Kaden charged people for doing his job, he was not sure, but Alain felt like saving a life was priceless. He would never do it for money, but some people had to make a living, and he could not blame them for monetizing life. “It’s quite easy, they’ll do nothing. All you’ll get is your face on the front page of the newspapers and a headline saying it was a wild animal who did it.”

[samscns-blog]

      *    𝖎𝖋   ur  ready  to  two  step  into  some  absolute  BULLSHIT  tomfoolery  ,  ya  girl  𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧  is  ready  for  u  with  my  lil  firecrotch  son  ,  ���𝖆𝖒𝖘𝖔𝖓  .  strong  silent  type  ,  ABSOLUTE  buffoon  ,  barely  keeping  it  together  so  hopefully  by  the  time  we’re  done  w  him  he’s  still  in  something  resembling  one  piece  :’)  all  my  love  to  u  and  u  cute  asses  !  i’m  so  excited  to  get  this  all  poppin  !

⋆  ╰  another   year   at   hollingsworth   ,  another   year   of   the  big   six rivalry   .   i   hear   that  SAMSON  MAILOTO   is   ensuring  SIGMA  ALPHA  NU   gets   a   solid   pledge   class   and   stays   at   the   top   of   the   ranks   .  oh   ,   you’re   not   familiar   with  HIM  ?  SAM   is   the  KJ  APA   look   alike   from  THE  BRONX   ,   NEW  YORK   .   a  part   of   PC  ‘16   ,  he  is   majoring   in  KINESIOLOGY   and   has   plans   to  ENTER  THE  MMA  AND  ESCAPE  FROM  THE  PUBLIC  EYE   after   undergrad   .   it   makes   sense   they   pledged   their   house   ,   their  PHLEGMATIC   &  SOLICITOUS   attributes   make   them   perfect   matches   .   however   ,   their  TREPIDATIOUS   &  AUSTERE   attributes   keep   their   name   alive   on  greek   rank   .   if   you   don’t   catch   them   dancing   to  BLEACH   -   BROCKHAMPTON   at   a   fraternity   band   party   this   year   ,   you’ll   be   sure   to   catch   them   nursing   their   morning   hangover   at  THE  SNU  HOUSE   .  cheers   to   another   wild   semester  !

⋆ ╰   𝑺 𝑻 𝑨 𝑻 𝑰 𝑺 𝑻 𝑰 𝑪 𝑺  .

𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍    𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 :     samson  ioaleki  mailoto

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬     :    sam  ,  sammy  

𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆    /    𝒂𝒈𝒆 :    february  4    ,    twenty

𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄     :    aquarius

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓    𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚    /    𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔     :     cismale  identifying    with    he  /  him  /  his  pronouns    

𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏     :     heteroflexible  and  pansexual  ;  he’s  never  actively  considered  himself  as  lgbtq+  but  has  also  never  given  it  much  thought  ddjdjdjdkjdk

𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏    :    kinesiology  major  at  hu  ,  aspiring  welterweight  mma  fighter  ,  us  olympic  representitive  for  men’s  boxing  in  the  2020  olympics

𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔    𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆    :    gryffindor

𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏    𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅    𝒃𝒚     :     eliot  alder  from  mr  robot  ,  kylo  ren  from  the  new  star  wars  series  ,  detective  elliot  stabler  from  law  and  order  svu  ,  steve  rogers  from  the  mcu  

𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒔    :    -    trepidatious  ,  austere  ,  apprehensive  ,  hesitant  ,  antisocial  ,  hostile  ,  bellicose  .

+        phlegmatic  ,  solicitous  ,  benevolent  ,  rational  ,  stalwart  ,  loyal  ,  reliable  ,  optimistic  .

𝑃𝐼𝑁𝑇𝐸𝑅𝐸𝑆𝑇  located  here  !

⋆ ╰    𝑨 𝑵 𝑻 𝑬 𝑪 𝑬 𝑫 𝑬 𝑵 𝑻 .

bullet  points  for  the  win  bc  who  has  time  for  all  the  tomfoolery  i  could  spew  from  my  ass  !

sammy’s  mom  was  a  housekeeper  in  upper  manhattan  for  some  fancy  dancy  homes  who  needed  their  gold  toilet  seat  covers  sanitized  3x  a  day  ,  u  know  the  type 🙄

samson  grew  up  in  a  run  down  apartment  in  a  small  samoan  community  in  the  bronx  and  has  always  been  a  lil  antisocial  weirdo  since  those  warm  dark  eyes  came  into  the  light  .  he  rlly  minded  his  own  business  n  wasn’t  really  curious  about  literally  anything  besides  running  and  wrestling  w  his  cousins  .  his  mom  struggled  to  keep  him  fed  and  housed  and  dressed  and  worked  relentless  hours  but  never  left  sam  needing  anything  ,  a  literal  fucking  legend  of  a  woman  and  he’s  proud  to  carry  her  last  name  !

sammy  always  felt  the  weight  of  never  wanting  to  be  an  extra  burden  to  his  mother  and  learned  to  really  be  self-sufficient  ,  likely  explaining  his  satisfaction  with  being  so  alone  

he  vaguely  remembers  the  night  his  life  changed  in  middle  school  ,  the  hushed  strained  whisper  from  the  living  room  ,  he’s  your  god  damned  son  too  ,  think  about  him  for  once  in  your  fucking  life  .  it  hit  like  a  fucking  train  once  the  story  picked  up  ,  5  time  nfl  superbowl  champ  father  to  secret  love  child  .  think  arnold  schwarznegger’s  secret  son  level  scandal  !  suddenly  his  shithead  of  a  dead  is  trying  to  salvage  his  image  ,  fighting  for  split  custody  arrangements  ,  telling  the  press  how  much  in  child  support  he  payed  ,  anything  to  save  his  ass

this  is  the  first  time  samson  remembers  being  fueled  by  rage  in  his  life  ,  as  a  relatively  well-tempered  child  ,  the  injustice  of  having  this  near-stranger  try  to  be  a  “  DAD  ” to  him  while  shitting  all  over  his  mother’s  name  made  his  fucking  blood  boil  and  becomes  a  theme  for  his  future

he  spends  the  next  chapters  of  his  life  going  to  the  fancy  private  schools  in  new  york  his  dad  picks  for  him  and  tearing  his  tie  off  on  the  ratty  bus  ride  into  the  bronx  to  go  home  to  his  mom  .  he  hates  having  to  haul  ass  back  and  forth  ,  wishing  he  could  stay  with  the  only  family  he’s  actually  given  a  shit  about  ,  but  bears  it  for  the  sake  of  not  causing  his  mom  any  more  torment  .  his  father  is  as  awful  as  could  be  imagined  ,  and  samson  hates  every  second  of  existing  with  him  ,  the  snarky  little  comments  at  school  and  in  the  ritzy  wealthy  circles  that  make  him  feel  more  of  a  black  sheep  than  he  ever  asked  to  be

this  becomes  the  root  of  his  anxiety  ,  bearing  the  weight  of  the  world’s  expectations  on  his  young  shoulders  and  repressing  his  own  needs  and  desires  as  a  result  .  he  goes  into  every  sport  imaginable  ,  his  father’s  DNA  being  increasingly  difficult  to  deny  ,  but  finds  a  particular  talent  with  fighting  and  takes  on  as  many  fighting  styles  as  he’s  able  to  master

turning  18  should  mean  freedom  for  sam  ,  but  nothing  is  ever  as  simple  as  he  could  ask  in  his  life  .  in  order  to  keep  the  child  support  payments  that  admittedly  help  keep  his  mother  afloat  ,  his  father  asks  one  more  thing  of  samson  :  hold  off  on  his  pro  mma  dreams  for  just  a  little  longer  in  order  to  attend  his  alma  matter  ,  hollingsworth  university  ,  as  a  publicity  move  and  then  he’ll  be  out  of  sam’s  life  in  every  way  except  financially  .  with  the  dream  of  completing  college  like  his  mom  always  aspired  for  him  ,  sam  agreed  and  went  on  to  appease  the  man  one  last  time  ,  joining  his  former  fraternity  to  sweeten  the  deal  (  and  secure  a  lovely  brownstone  in  his  childhood  neighborhood  signed  in  his  mother’s  name  )  and  is  a  year  out  from  graduating  and  letting  mma  be  the  only  reason  his  name  would  ever  appear  in  the  tabloids  .

⋆ ╰    𝑨 𝑵 𝑨 𝑳 𝒀 𝑺 𝑰 𝑺 .

personality  wise  ,  i  describe  sam  as  the  stupid  bitch  w  big  npc  energy  ,  if  u  want  him  to  talk  u  gotta  talk  to  him  first  and  even  then  he  might  just  give  u  that  hostile  stare  and  just  .. . .  remain  silent  KSDFSDF

he’s  about  as  NOT  a  people  person  as  physically  possible  ,  would  really  be  content  just  sticking  to  his  inner  circle  for  like  the  rest  of  his  life  without  concern  .  he  seems  like  this  rude  stand-offish  dick  but  the  truth  is  he’s  PAINFULLY  SHY  and  has  a  p  severe  case  of  generalized  anxiety  disorder  so  interactions  ?  w  new  ppl  ?  are  a  HARD  pass

did  i  mention  he’s  on  steriods  bc  that  def  adds  to  his  anxiety  and  hostility  !  lmao  !  he  started  juicing  in  high  school  when  his  dad  kept  pressuring  him  for  football  and  how  he  was  “  twice  your  size ”   at  that  age  ,  n  he  HATES  the  dude  but  he’s  also  lowkey  insecure  abt  his  lack  of  a  father  figure  so  ?  used  daddy’s  money  to  start  his  first  cycle  and  pay  off  to  test  clean  and  now  he’s  been  hooked  on  and  off  .  he’s  currently  starting  a  new  cycle  to  bulk  up  for  the  new  season  and  prep  for  the  2020  olympics  but  swears  he  wont  be  on  them  forever  :/

they  make  him  SUPER  aggressive  when  set  off  ,  it’s  a  decent  thing  that  sam’s  so  monotone  and  shy  that  he’s  also  pretty  laid  back  and  kinda  hard  to  rile  up  .  he  really  doesn’t  take  much  personally  and  won’t  do  a  huge  “  chest  pumped  bro  lets  do  this ”  show  bc  he  ?  thinks  all  those  guys  who  do  that  are  tools  LMAO  but  find  the  right  button  to  push  n  he’ll  become  the  very  thing  he  despises  !

if  u  can  get  past  the  literal  awkward  silence  and  resting  bitch  face  ,  sammy  is  actually  really  well  known  for  being  just  a  generally  decent  guy  .  the  perception  is  often  that  he’s  a  dick  bc  he  think’s  he’s  better  than  a  lot  of  ppl  ,  but  the  truth  is  he’s  just  too  nervous  to  start  conversations  n  most  ppl  assume  its  an  ego  thing  vs  a  “  i’m  about  to  piss  myself  thinking  abt  all  the  ways  this  convo  can  go  wrong  so  i’ll  just  not  talk  and  glare  @  u  instead  ”  thing

if  he  had  his  shit  together  he  would  definitely  qualify  as  a  dad  type  ,  but  since  he  doesn’t  ,  he  won’t  SSHSHSHSH  but  he’s  really  just  a  softie  deep  down  ,  he  has  a  stupid  as  HELL  sense  of  humor  and  is  really  objective  and  level  headed  .  the  gryffindor  in  him  is  DEEPLY  loyal  ,  like  to  the  death  ,  but  he’s  got  lots  of  hufflepuff  in  the  sense  that  he’s  really  willing  to  get  his  hands  dirty  to  help  those  in  need  .  u  need  help  moving  ?  someone  to  keep  u  company  while  u  babysit  ?  feel  nervous  walking  alone  after  class  at  night  ?  sammy  might  leave  u  on  read  if  u  text  him  bc  he’s  a  Dumb  Bitch  like  that  but  he’ll  show  up  on  the  dot  ,  hands  in  pockets  ,  exactly  where  u  asked  him  to  be  ready  to  do  what  u  asked  him  to  do  .  the  mans  is  a  super  hard  worker

he  def  still  feels  kinda  weird  at  uni  ?  he’s  p  smart  but  some  of  the  classes  unrelated  to  athletics  and  anatomy  have  given  him  a  REALLY  tough  time  (  dance  appreciation  for  his  fine  arts  credit  almost  tanked  his  gpa  LMAO  )  and  he’s  not  top  of  his  class  or  anything  but  ppl  still  try  to  talk  to  him  bc  of  the  whole  “  famous  dad  ,  future  olympian  ”  thing  ,  which  he  can  pick  up  from  a  mile  a  way  and  makes  him  super  uncomfortable  .  even  being  in  a  frat  w  a  bunch  of  old  money  rich  boys  makes  him  DEF  feel  like  the  odd  one  out  ,  and  he’s  just  counting  down  the  days  until  he’s  OUT  OF  HERE

in  conclusion  :  i  love  u  all  .  lets  suffer  together  .  :~)

[schizo-spoon-blog]

Anglo-Saxonism Is Racist, Says Person of Color

Like every girl who is surrounded by drama despite being so "chill," Mary Rambaran-Olm hates drama.

On a society dedicated to studying medieval Anglo-Saxon history, and it's name "International Society of Anglo-Saxonists:"

"The name change encapsulates a much larger issue of how medieval studies must wrestle with its own disciplinary history of racism and its connections to whiteness,” Wade said. “When something as small as changing an organization’s name generates this kind of pushback, that suggests how entrenched these hierarchies are.”

“When something as small as changing an organization’s name generates this kind of pushback, that suggests how entrenched these hierarchies are.”

Changing one's long-standing name, an essential component of its brand and the reputation around it, is not a small deal. It highlights your own narcissism to make it sound like a small thing and only a totally unreasonable person would disagree with your position on it. Should we rename Alabama because Alabama has been associated with Jim Crow? I don't know, sounds petty and fucking stupid. Ah, but they did rename the organization at the end of the day. And they went on to say:

"We apologize to our colleagues of color who have experienced the name of our society as just one of many microaggressions they have faced in academia."

Your colleagues of color should spit on you and ask you to polish their shoes, and you should bow your head, and say "Yes massa," and do it, with a happy little whistle and a big old smile on your face -- you're bitch-made. You'd do it too, and say "Thank you," when you're done. You deserve that sort of treatment, because this sort of statement is not respectable. The only reason you're being whipped like this, being bullied to have your institution re-arranged or else be libeled with Thought Criminal accusations, is because you encourage it, weak masochistic weirdos.

"The discipline of English medieval studies — which is overwhelmingly white — focuses on literature, art and culture produced between roughly A.D. 500 and 1500 in England."

Jee, I wonder why the study of English history would be overwhelmingly white. Is the study of Hindu history overwhelming Indian? Is the study of Islam overwhelmingly Muslim? Is the study of the Ming Dynasty overwhelmingly Chinese? Is the study of the Langues d'Oil overwhelmingly fucking French? My God, the study of Igloo engineering is overwhelmingly Eskimo. Is it weird that only Ukrainians seem to give a fuck about Ukrainian epic poetry?

Why is this being pointed out like it's a problem? It'd be weird if it wasn't "overwhelmingly white." Why does the Washington Post feel the need to point it out, and why should we have a problem with this? Breaking News: Bible Studies are overwhelmingly Christian. That tells you A Lot about how Entrenched the Hierarchies Are.

"“The entire field of medieval studies is undergoing massive upheaval because they have not dealt with long-standing issues of racism and sexism,” Joy said. “This name change controversy is sowing the fault lines that still exist between white scholars — because it’s all white people, a bunch of white people arguing over whether they’re racist.”

Stop arguing, white people. You're all racist (and sexist, apparently, too - for some reason only white people are sexist, despite the horror stories you hear about women's treatment in the Global South). By the way, never, ever, dare interrogate racial perceptions of people of color with a critical eye. If they are prejudiced, it's always justified, and you're a racist for drawing an equivalency.

"White supremacists have recently sought to revive this period of history as proof of white racial superiority, pointing in part to the era’s literary achievements as evidence that white society was far ahead of other cultures, according to Wade. They also see it as a time “of pure masculinity, some sort of warrior culture where men could be men,” Wade said."

Yeah, and did you know, Mongolian nationalists still seek to revive the Mongolian empire as proof of Mongol racial superiority, pointing out to that era's conquests as evidence that Mongol society is far ahead of other cultures? They see the time when the Mongol hordes murdered people by the millions as a sort of warrior culture where men could be men. Mongolia is cancelled I guess. The term Mongol is associated with pillaging, raiding, rape, violence, genocide and domination by foreign people -- isn't it? ---- Isn't it? Maybe we can interrogate this further, surely this isn't a unique quality just among Anglo-Saxons and Mongols.

"The false historical narrative that white people — in particular, Anglo Saxon people — were the only race to produce worthwhile literature, art and scientific discoveries during the Middle Ages took root when “professional medieval studies” launched in Britain in the late 1700s, according to Wade."

No way, chauvinistic attitudes regarding one's own national achievements? Oh surely a crime unique to white people and not a universal tendency amongst all nations.

“This field … it’s just incredibly self-satisfied, smug, elitist, white and male,” Joy said."

Self-satisfied, smug, elitist -- these are valid things on which to attack an institution. But they feel the need to add, "white and male."

If it was self-satisfied, smug, elitist, black, and female, this would be preferable? Or how about East-Asian and male, is that better or worse?

Check this out: the city of Gary, Indiana, is dilapidated, crime-ridden, god-forsaken hell hole. This is all true, unfortunately. Now check this out: the city of Gary, Indiana, is dilapidated, crime-ridden, god-forsaken hell hole, and it's full of Black People. Kinda changes the meaning of what you're saying quite a bit, huh? It's what they call "saying the quiet part out loud." When you wonder why people are throwing race IQ and race crime statistics at you more and more often - it's because you keep saying stupid-ass shit like this. Do you want more racism, or less racism? You can't seem decide. Why are we having all these calls for self-criticism and self-reflection by people who don't really evidence much capacity for the same?

Oh jeez, I'm so sorry Ma'am Of Color, I'm too white and male, please, please, have my job, take my paycheck, live in my house, oh I'm so sorry for being English and interested in English medieval history, oh, so terribly sorry, how could I be so thoughtless, I should make room for strong Uzbek women to... uhh.... read Beowulf.

"ISAS’s vote this week hasn’t changed Rambaran-Olm’s mind. She has no wish to rejoin the group, she said, no matter what it’s called."

Yeah -- and the end of the day, even if you acquiesce to the demands of your critics, it doesn't actually aid your perceptions. You just publicly disavowed your own organization, called it racist, and said you're sorry for mistreating minorities. Do you know what you just did? You just answered "Do you still beat your wife?" with a "No." You didn't do a damn thing to improve conditions for people of color. You just admitted you're a racist, white supremacist institution who has harmed them. Nobody should respect you, because you don't respect yourself with clown-ass behavior like this.

Look, if you keep saying stuff like, "It's all white people," don't be surprised when you see even more racists, instead of fewer. If you keep your hyper-critical focus specifically on "whiteness" you will not eliminate "whiteness" but generate more and more of it. You're holding a hammer and everything looks like a nail. God one day I will join some Caucasian Historical Society and demand that we change the name of the mountain chain where they live, because the word "Caucasian" has been associated with white supremacy. And then I'll bring up Stalin's "fascist collaborationist" charges against them if they dare resist my reasonable demands.

The only correct answer to these criticism and allegations is

"Shut up retard." https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2019/09/19/its-all-white-people-allegations-white-supremacy-are-tearing-apart-prestigious-medieval-studies-group/?fbclid=IwAR1SCcAIb8g04NFHXnZeb0--_F9xlNENd2H2kX8DjtsTQ9EWZ1VlwmCnojw

[tangentmoth]

Chris Carter Continuity Plague: A Dissertation Upon the Origin of (Alien) Species in The X-Files Vol. 1

Season 1

S1E10 “Fallen Angel” - Our first look, as it were, at what would become the “mytharc” aliens (note, the Mytharc proper was not yet a Thing, so there’s definitely some Early Installment Weirdness here).  Escaped from downed craft Yautja-style invisibility powers, radiation blasts, possible bodysnatching.  Items 1, 3, and 4 would all go on to become on-and-off features of the Black Oil, so let’s call it an in-universe early appearance.  I like being generous.

S1E14 “Genderbender” - Bunch of Frickin’ Weirdos.  Humanoid aliens living up in BFE pretending to be Amish.  Exactly What It Says on the Tin: can change (humanoid) genders at will.  Having sex with them kills humans because their Pheromone Game Too Strong.  No relation to any other alien species involved in the mytharc or any other episode.  Fuck off back to Wherever at the end of the episode and are never heard from again.  K Bye.

S1E17 “EBE” Captured at a crash site, and that’s literally all we know.  Probably one of the mytharc species.  I guess.  

S1E24 “The Erlenmeyer Flask” - NOW we’re getting somewhere!  Meet the colonists, the hybrids, and Purity Control.  WTF is Purity Control?  A virus wrapped in a bacteria wrapped in 6 (6!  This Is Important!!) base pairs wrapped in an enigma.  Hybrids (and, assumedly, the aliens they’ve been hybridized with) have green poisonous blood that eats through stuff.  That last bit won’t be seen again.  Also an alien fetus that looks like a classic Grey.  Good stuff, there’s meat on these bones.

Season 2

S2E10 “Red Museum” - That darned Purity Control is back.  Still don’t know what the hell it’s supposed to actually be, but when injected into teenagers apparently it...turns them into Jerk Jock hoodlums?  ‘Kay.

S2E16/17 “Colony/Endgame” - Aaaaand the Hybrids are back, but uh oh there’s a new kid in town!  Meet the Bounty Hunter, a shapeshifter who looks like low-rent Schwarzenegger in his default form (who the hell is paying the bounties?  Are there interstellar bail bondsmen?)  Also the poison blood from last season is revealed to be a retrovirus that clots all your blood into jell-o in your veins.  So...basically the Andromeda Strain. Also the Bounty Hunter crashed his ship in order to get here.  Apparently UFOs in this ‘verse can hover but boy they sure can’t land for shit.

S2E24 “Anasazi” - More hybrids, but these guys look like classic Greys.  Guess they were the rejects.  

Season 3

S3E15/16 “Piper Maru/Apocrypha” - The Black Oil finally appears as itself!  Exactly What it Says on the Tin: black, oily goo.  OH GOD IT’S IN MY EYES!!!  Bodysnatching and radiation blasts are a thing, but no more invisibility. Bummer. Wants to get back to its ship. That crashed. Seriously, who the hell gave all of these assholes their pilots’ licenses?

S3E24 “Talitha Cumi” - ...the Shapeshifters have healing powers now?  ‘Kay.  Also something something BEES!!  NOT THE BEES!!!! 

Season 4

S4E8/9 “Tunguska/Terma” - Return of the Son of the Black Oil.  Still black and oily.  Makes little wormy things now that crawl under your skin and control you via your pineal gland?  We’ve ditched the spaceships, though: now the Black Oil comes from meteorites!!  And also no more radiation blasts!  We’re losing cool points here rapidly, guys.  There’s also a Russian assassin going around injecting Black Oil victims with something that looks an awful lot like that Purity Control shit we forgot about two seasons ago.  Hm...

S4 E24 “Gethsemane” - SURPRISE!!  All the aliens were fake all along!  DUN DUN DUNNNN...

Season 5

S5E6/7 “Christmas Carol/Emily” - ...JUST KIDDING.  Our old friends the Hybrids are back, in the form of a cherubic little girl named Emily who happens to be a hybrid of, dun dun dunn, SCULLY.  Holy shit.  Alas, though, the hybridization is unstable and she dies (after poisoning some ER staff with her blood).  Merry Christmas!

S5E24 “The End” - New hybrid kid!  This one’s telepathic.  ‘Kay.

The Movie

Yeah, remember all that shit I just wrote about the Black Oil?  Just forget all of that lol because SURPRISE CHESTBURSTERS!!!! The Bees!!!! are back, though!  Now they carry the Black Oil too.  So don’t get stung or you’ll come down with a nasty case of SURPRISE CHESTBURSTERS!!!   Also there’s a vaccine now.  Could THAT be our mysterious Purity Control????  Do the writers even remember Purity Control???  STAY TUNED.... 

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 7: As useless as a broken mirror

In which you realize your life is crap... 

for now

*Your POV*

Talking with someone yesterday was good, I guess. I normally talk about work topics only, so it feels weird to have a casual conversation about... anything. And it was weirder, considering Sans was the one talking.

It would be today, though, the day where we would see each other again in order to discuss... more terms. They all deserve to know and I also need a few papers for them in order to get them into society. I just need the basics, though- report cards, previous jobs on the Underground, and I will put them some tests in order to see which educational level fits better each of them. But that will be later.

So there I was, waking up and trying to french kiss the morning as Bon Jovi does. And failing miserably, just as always.

I tried my best to keep a smile on my face. It didn't work out, either. I groaned loudly, realizing that it was four in the morning. So yeah, I just can't french kiss the morning when it isn't morning, you know. And so I felt stupid and went back to sleep...

...

Except I didn't.

No matter how many positions I tried or how many different pillows I took, I just couldn't get my head together. I was thinking about everything and, at the same time, about nothing at all. I felt numb yet desperate to be a normal person and fall sleep immediately, considering how freaking tired I actually was.

I sat on my bed silently and put on the lights. Bad idea, but I still do it every night like this.

I frowned remarkably and stood there until my eyes got accustomed to the light. And then I started to question what the hell was I doing, as usual.

I looked at my annoying digital clock again: 4:11 am.

Great, guess I'll stay like this until the day officially starts... or until I pass out, that is.

Maybe a good drink would have been great to forget it all. Then I remembered that I had work and that, besides, I don't drink. I groaned again.

I felt like crying, like screaming or like to go outside and let a fucking weirdo kill me or make me disappear forever...

That's the worst idea I've ever had.

I wanted to punch something; maybe a mirror, maybe that elegant flower vase with a dead daisy on it, or the TV. All of those were great options, honestly. But I wasn't up to clean the mess or to deal with angry neighbors, so I didn't move.

I shoot a glance at one of my bureaus, that only had an old book on its top. Maybe I could read. I tried to stretch my hand and get it, but I ended up falling out of the bed, making my head hurt like hell. Ouch. Maybe I couldn't, after all.

I, unsurprisingly, groaned again. If I had a cent for every time I have groaned in my life, I could probably have a car instead of taking that goddamn subway. Or I could get a house. Or a life...

Nah. That's way too expensive.

I eventually got up and stared at my drawer. Then, without thinking, I opened it. My heart sank when it did.

Medicines here, medicines there. Medicines FUCKING EVERYWHERE! There was barely any space left for even a fricking pill. This is not the first time I have seen this, though, but it still hurts to see how pathetic I am. This is just a small proof. There's more, that's for sure.

I stood there silently, anxiety consuming me over. I could even make a fucking drug store out of this drawer...

Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea.

I shook my head, resisting the urge to be sarcastic to myself... again.

But, yes, I had such a huge variety I could make a store out of it. Do you have anxiety? Well, Zoloft for you, that is! Are you depressed like me? Well here, took a Prozac pill! Come here and get your problems away...

And contribute to mine.

Oh my god, just end my suffering.

Thanks to my wonderful boss and work partners (including college and the monsters' case, of course), I forgot that I had emotional problems as well. And that means that I haven't been following my treatment. For months.

Shit.

Then I started to wonder when I had to see my psychiatrist again. I probably missed the date he gave me. Just wonderful, right?

I sighed and closed the drawer, feeling worse than before. I went to the bathroom to see my wound but there wasn't anything there. Thank God.

I ended up looking at my face, slightly frowning. People have said that I'm pretty, yes, but I think that's just out of sympathy. Therefore, I haven't been comfortable with my looks since... a long time ago.

My (e/c) eyes looked paler than when I was a kiddo. Ah, childhood. It was wonderful in its own way. No problems, no low self-esteem, no nothing. Just laughs and friends, videogames and nights playing Dungeons and Dragons with my dorky dad and my aunt. Those were good days.

I remember that I received a lot of comments, telling me that I would have a brilliant future. Hard to believe in that now, looking at what was happening.

I work in Congress and I am finishing my studies to finally become a biochemist. Being a scientist has been my dream, and I'm just a few steps before I can call myself "Dr. (Y/N)". And I'm just twenty.

When I was little, my dad took me to a neurologist in order to see my IQ. She said, in a few words, that I was super smart and super talented. I believed it but never used it as an excuse to think of me better than anyone else. Right then, I thought everyone had talents and intelligence. Now... I'm seriously doubting all those encouraging words were true. Because, even if I was a nerd, that never meant my future would be brighter.

A lot of my school partners and friends are being way happier than I am, having a perfect balance between emotions, college, and work. Me, who 'has it all' to become an important person, somehow has three mental breakdowns (at least) in one day, and it's struggling between having or not new friends, afraid of screwing up.

Is this what my parents would have wanted? For me to be a coward?

Well, surprise surprise. Your daughter is such a disappointment of a kid.

I'm a genius. That's what experts told me. They also said that this high IQ thingy may include problems socializing and, well, even mental illnesses. To be honest, I prefer being normal and not having these things than being a Leonardo Da Vinci and die internally every five seconds.

Then I noticed a warm feeling on my cheeks.

Oh crap.

I snapped back to reality and saw myself in front of the mirror, crying as if my life depended on it. Well, it kinda does, but that's not the point.

I tried to wipe them as quickly as possible, trying to banish that feeling instantly. But instead, I cried harder. And harder. And I felt more miserable than before, if that was possible.

My legs felt like jello and my eyes turned all red and puffy. My mouth was shaking, trying to transform itself into a smile. Why was I crying, again? Oh yeah, because I hate myself so much. I look awful, I'm just full of myself, lonely, and easily replaceable. There's nothing I can do about it.

I will finish my dream career, but all for what? To be more stressed? I don't know if I can quit at the Congress since I kind of accepted to be the ambassador of the monsters. Wow. I should have left someone more capable than I am to do the job. Now I'm going to disappoint them as well, whenever they see how weak I am. I mean, I'm crying while I'm looking at myself in the night... again. This is isn't new. But it just feels worst every time.

I gasped for air, almost forgetting how to breathe thanks to all that crying. I blinked a couple of times and took long breaths until I calmed down. When my vision wasn't blurry anymore, I saw my face again. All red and uglier than before. I looked like a baby losing its toy, like a child whining, or like a teenager who has an impossible crush.

I frowned, knowing I wasn't any of them. I was an adult, for God's sake.

Can this get more frustrating?

Can I be more pathetic?

I closed my fist and punched the mirror until my fingers went numb and my blood painted my whole hand...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Frisk's POV*

I woke up later than usual, rubbing my eyes at the incoming sunlight. I groaned at the clock, seeing it was 10 am. But deep down I knew that Toriel would come for me, and so I got up.

I took a quick shower and put into more presentable clothes. I colocated a cute ribbon on my brown hair, feeling quite silly yet pretty. I stared at the mirror and saw my look with satisfaction. I was looking great! I even made some silly faces and giggled a little before coming out, interrupted by an angry skeleton who wanted to take a shower.

"kid, just fucking get out of there! what're you doin'? takin' a trip to narnia?"

"Sans, behave yourself!!!"

"...sorry ari-mom..."

I contained my laughter, knowing that Sans would be really angry if he heard me, and I walked out of the bathroom. Just a second passed before a quick flash of white ran into the room and locked the door. Oh, Sans, since when are you this desperate to take a shower?

The ones who hadn't showered groaned impatiently. I would have too since Sans lasts a long time in the shower. One time I swear I heard him singing a popular rock song (so popular I don't remember its name) and then eventually creating a song of how much he loved ketchup...

...I must admit I feel worried about his future...

Eh... let's just hope for the best.

After a bunch of complainings towards him and more people showering, we could finally take breakfast together. Thank God they were pancakes, or else Undyne or Papyrus would be trying to find out the best egg combination (which, according to them, hasn't been found yet). At first, it is fun to hear their crazy ideas, but then it turns into a competition that I get somehow dragged into it. Most of the time voluntarily, though.

However, I was too excited to let all my energy be drowned into an egg fight. Today we will be seeing (Y/N) again, and honestly, I was looking for it! She's nice, and I've been waiting to be friends with her all this time. So now that everything was, well, settled, this was my chance!

We all ate rather quickly and head out of the house. However, Asgore stopped us before we could go running to... anywhere, actually.

"Let's wait here a moment, ok?" he smiled eagerly, making me suspicious.

So we waited there for five minutes or so until a simple-looking taxi made its way towards the house. Then a 5'5 feet tall woman got out of there, who I recognized immediately.

"(Y/N)!!!!!" Papyrus screamed unearthly loud, hugging (Y/N) immediately. She looked a little bit startled by such a sudden move but hugged back shortly after him.

"Hello, Papyrus. It is good to see you again...!" she tried her best to sound enthusiastic, but she felt somehow... different. Why, though?

"Oh, (Y/N) sweetie, I'm so glad you could make it!" Goat mom added with a smile, which (Y/N) returned it kindly. Maybe I was just imagining things, after all "But, hey, come in! We want you to see where we have been living all this time!"

Sans looked a bit tense but quickly relaxed. He must have forgotten for a second that Papyrus was his roommate. Therefore, there was NO WAY his room could be dirty. Since when he cares about that, though?

And so we gave (Y/N) a small tour through the small house. She behaved as always; shy, anxious, not wanting to intrude or sound rude, making small compliments and comments in amusement. She was just super nice! I think she's one of my favorite humans.

After making her laugh a bit and answer some of her own doubts about the Underground, we all headed off to the Congress, talking about the simplest of topics.

"Oh! I remember hearing a song called 'Imagine' one day!" I told (Y/N), keeping up with the musical topic (at Sans's petition).

"You have? Well, I mean... which artist are you talking about?"

"I think it was Marshmello"

"...then no, I haven't heard that one"

"Is there another song called 'Imagine'?" Alphys asked, curious about our conversation.

"well, there's john lennon's, y' know..." Sans added, smiling lazily.

(Y/N) seemed perplexed for a second, then smiled widely.

"Yep, John Lennon's 'Imagine' is my kind of... 'Imagine', you know"

Throughout all the way we all were talking about music. (Y/N) turns out to be a Rock N' Roll and Indie listener, similar to Sans's taste. She is kind of a music nerd, actually. She would give a casual comment of something history-related to music. I think Sans felt like he was on his own mind, opening up strangely. Then I realized he was just another music nerd, and that both of them were never given the chance to talk about this with others so freely.

However, I noticed an unusual expression on Sans's face. Not a good one, I must say. He wasn't suspicious or anything- by any chance, I think he was worried...

but of what?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Sans's POV*

It feels good to have someone to talk about these things. I mean, someone that at least can say who Slash is.

While I was talking to (Y/N), however, I noticed a wound on her right fist. Not to be rude, but she is a bit taller than I am, and I didn't want to look at a... private part of her body. Therefore, I ended up noticing a serious-looking injury on her fingers.

Should I ask?

I saw how happy she looked, talking about when she started to hear Rock N' Roll and watch concerts on TV.

Eh, I'll do it later...

Still, my mind wandered about that topic the rest of the road. And so, I didn't talk anymore, focusing on other things. Well, can you blame me? That looked like some serious shit happened.

When we arrived at the Congress, I noticed different looks from her work partners. I recognized one of the feelings on their looks: shame. They probably felt ashamed after hearing that we succeed. My smile grew wider, at least a bit, after thinking that.

We discussed a few things in her office like it was any day. Except it wasn't.

The human president made a public announcement on TV, radio, and social media, saying that monsters would be finally released and be accepted as legal citizens. Despite everything, I felt a bit uneasy. He might have been nice, but the others are clearly not like him. I just don't want to put Papy's security on risk.

We ended up leaving sooner than I thought, and for the first time in our lives, we used public transport. We received some glances, but in between, there were also kind smiles. Just like (Y/N)'s, just less dorky...

Did I just call the ambassador a dork?

I mentally groaned and took a seat, never erasing my apparently permanent smile. I felt like I was forgetting something, so I made a quick rewind on my head. But what would I have forgo- oh.

Oh.

You forgot to ask her, you idiot.

[yoshimickster]

RETURN OF THE RWBY MICKSTERECAPS-(Rwby Volume 6x01 “Argus Limited” spoilers)

HEY EVERYBLOODY-sorry I’m a day late, went to a punk show and got home around 2 AM-EITHER WEITHER-let’s get to the show!

WE START OUT WITH-

A niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice and snowy landscape, *SIGH* so peaceful-BUT SUDDENLY-

0:28 First rule of Rwby, any scene that starts with a train is gon’ have SHIT GOIN’ DOWN YO!

0:32 See that? Giant fluffy Manticore Grimm-BUT THAT FUCKER GETS SLASHED-

0:38 I love the smell of Grimm dust *SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFF* smells like victory-BUT THEN-

0:45 A WILD WEISS APPEARS-all smilin’ and KICKIN’ ASS!

0:57 AND FINALLY-

BUMBLEBEE-fighting together with absolutely no awkward tension between the two of them at a-PFFT-HAHAHAHAHA-oh I couldn’t say that with a straight face, but seriously they’re in a better place than last season. ALSO-

1:05  TEAM JNR-fashionably late as always, the sassy bitches.

Nora: WHY IS IT ALWAYS SOMETHING?!

Jaune: BECAUSE WE TRAVEL WITH MILO MURPHY’S ALCOHOLIC COUSIN!

And everybody just starst BLASTING THE SHIT OUT OF GRIMM-Ren sniping with knife guns, Jaune blocking with his shield, and Nora just doing her thing-ALSO-

1:17 FIRST RENORA MOMENT OF THE SEASON-at least ONE section of the shippers will be sated...although I DO find it weird how the two haven’t kissed on screen  yet, I mean like why not? They are UNDOUBTEDLY a couple now, what they tryna hide? Its kinda like how in a lot of Shonen manga when NO official couple kisses on screen, just odd to me.

Everything’s going fine...well fine for battle standards-UNTIL-

1:24 Jaune: TUNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!

Damn Miles has some pipes.

Everybah starts RUNNIN’ to the tunnel-BUT-

1:29

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWeiss gets suckerblasted by one of the manticore Grimm-IS THIS HER END?! 

NOPE-almost girlfriend to the rescue! AND THEN-

1:33 WHITEROSE COMBO MOVE-awesome.

WOO-that was one god damn minute and a half, like seriously! After that triumphant scene I’m sure we won’t transition to something absolutely horrifyi-

2:23 Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus Adam, you do NOT take getting dumped lightly do you? Ah well, at least he has that expensive chai-

2:32 *SLASH*

DAMMIT ADAM-what’d that chair ever do to you? Could’ve at least sold it at a Pawn shop, got a couple hundred Lien I’m betting, absolutely wasteful, SHAME Adam-SHAME! 

ATHENCUTTO-

2:44 THE TRAIN STATION FROM AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER-but in the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuture! Nah it ain’t, but it TOTALLY looks like that right?

Qrow than gives a shameless recap-I MEAN-reads his own letter that he’s sending to General Ironwood(he probably wrote it drunk so I’m betting he was checking for spalling erors...don’t you JODGE me) which he ends with-

3:43 “See you soon, bro”.

‘Daaaaaaaaw!

BUT THEN-a wild Ruby appears, utterly excited that her train’s coming up so she could get out of that god damned train station! I understand her antsyness, the wait can be a NIGHTMARE!

3:50

Well that hall way has enough space, I’m sure Ruby can just saunter on over to the gift shop-

...or use her semblance and dash on over there like a crazy person. One of these days your gonna HIT someone young lady-GAH!

Team...RWBY...OJNR...Ruby O’Junior, yeah let’s go with that, then has a short moment of shooting the shit.

Heh, look at these two, fussing over gifts-PROTECT THESE SWEET BABY CHILDREN AT ALL COSTS! 

ALSO-a random Nora Beach fantasy!

...that apparently leaked its way into reality. Oscar H. Pines, Nora is so thirsty to see Ren in a swimsuit she alters time and SPACE!

BUT-just when you thought everybody is completely happy about this-

4:31 WEISS-casually reminds everyone how hard it was for her to escape her abusive father, and how this is hard for her-CONTINUITY!

After Ruby than gives the obligatory pep-talk-WE ARE INTRODUCED TO-

-Dee and Dudley, two corrupt pro-huntsman who try to shake down Ruby O’Junior, one of whom is JUST 2 weeks from retirement.

They also condescendingly tell them they’ll give them extra protection if they pay them...did...did these idiots NOT watch the news?! THEY’RE PRACTICALLY A SUPERHERO TEAM!

AND NOW-the greatest Rwby Reaction pose of ALL time-

5:05

THIS right here, THIS is art.

Qrow than shows up and GIVES THEM THE BUSINESS! No-one tries to shake down HIS kids! 

5:17

Look at Dee’s dumbfounded ass face after talking back, this is Qrow fucking BRANWEN mother fucker! Now go lock that gate that Adam sneaked into!

5:48 Oscar: I’m sure glad its our job saving the world and not theirs.

Jaune: Yeah, now if ONLY one of us didn’t hide a billion secrets from all of us because reasons.

Ozpin: Okay let me at him.

Oscar: YOU SIT IN YOUR SHAME OLD MAN!

After that, everyone in Team Ruby O’Hara is READY to go, except for Blake which Weiss points out...in the best way possible-

5:55 Weiss: Just waiting for Blake, as usual.

HAHA-she abandoned her team for months on end.

A THEN CUT TO-

6:02 Blake saying good-bye to her almost-ex-girlfriend Ilia, and its just SWEET.

6:24 WHOA-that’s a little forward Ili-

6:25 Ooooooooooh that was DIRTY Rooster Teeth, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID! DAH-but its still a cute good bye-ALSO-

6:55 BEST BOY SUN WUKONG-here to say good bye as well!

OH-and Neptune’s here too. Hi Neptune, still living under that idiotic lady killer facade?

Neptune: OH...I didn’t know Ilia was gonna be here.

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyup.

7:22 Blake: Wrong tree.

Sun: Yeah teaching him gaydar is one of many many MANY reasons I gotta rejoin my team.

The two than have a nice heart to heart about where they’re going in life, Sun needs to go back to Vacuo to be with his team he LITERALLY abandoned, Blake needs to save the world from a Maleficent cosplayer, they’re just passing ships in the night and it comes to a head...when Sun says this-

7:55 Sun:I GO WHERE I’M NEEDED...and...you don’t need me anymore!

Blake:...well when you say it like that it sound sad.

Aw man, sad Blake ears.

Sun(paraphrased): Despite everything I had a lot of fun but-

-you’re with who you’re supposed to be with now.

Bumblebee shippers will interpret THAT how they want to and I. Do. Not. Blame. THEM!

Sun and Blake than finish off their good bye saying they’ll probably see it again(and by probably we know definitely because COME ON Michael Jones is one of the heavy hitters in Rooster Teeth). The good bye then ends-

-with a cute Blacksun peck on the cheek. Feel conflicted about which ship for Blake is better yet? If not, you haven’t been watching this show so...what the hell are you reading this blog for? SHORT CUT TO-

8:49 

Neptune: I dunno man, it feels like your just letting her go.

Says the guy who can’t stick to one crush for more than five seconds. Notice how he didn’t say hi to Weiss? Because she’s logically MAD you blue haired Lothario!

AFTER THAT-there’s THIS little scene:

Sun: Now that your leader’s back and hardened from battle, I’ve gotta focus all of my time on getting you boys ready for the wastelands.

9:01

Neptune: *SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*.

Anyone else think Neptune’s sigh might mean something more than just annoyance? I know Sun said his team was okay with the small hiatus, but what if they weren’t? Also maybe he was insulted by Sun implying that his team was just standing around without him, that while Sun was going on his adventure time standed still with them. Sun’s a good kid, and was mature enough to let Blake go once she got her real team back, but even to his own admittance he’s not the best leader. Just saying, food for thought.

A THEN CUT TO-

9:05 A nice snowy train where nothing bad is gonna happen. And INSIDE THE TRAIN-

-a totally not-suspicious looking Maz Napata from Star Wars meets old lady Katara from Legend of Korra who will TOTALLY not interact with the main cast...totally. BUT-enough about that-BEHOLD-

9:22 ALL of team Rwby sleeping in a bunkbed room like the good old days-HUZZAH! But all is not well AS THERE IS ALSO-

SUPER AWKWARD TENSION BETWEEN YANG AND BLAKE! But nah, Yang tells Blake that while things are weird and it’ll take a while before things get back to normal, she glad she and her posse are back together which PROMPTS-

THIS cuteness, which Whiterose shippers will interpret how they will.

Either way its TIME TO PLAY VIDEO GAM-

*CRASH*

10:31

DAMN that was a tough crash, it made Qrow lose his usually iron grip on booze! A THEN CUT TO-

...the...beginning of the episode...yeah I don’t know why they wrote the story like this either, I guess to start the season with a bang in showing how team RWBY is back in sync but I dunno.

But hey don’t worry, DEE AND DUDLEY are on the case, and I’m sure it TOTALLY doesn’t matter that Dee is two weeks from retirement!

*GASP* I am truly shocked. You shall always be remembered Dee, as a creepy weirdo who tried shake down a bunch of highschoolers for money.

THEN fighting fighting fighting, AND THEN-Dundey remembers he’s a security officer in charge of a high tech train!

12:06

I show four pictures here to point out that that WHOLE sequence took less than a MINUTE! Its like WE GET IT Rooster Teeth, you have an animation budget now! 

It also activated the turrets which take out ALL four of these Grimm, which I’m SURE the boss Grimm won’t notic-

12:46 Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhit it  noticed. It tells the lesser Grimm to attack the turrets and...oh god I found this by accident but it must be shared-

It landed-ASS FIRST! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And as to be expected knocking out the turrets didn’t JUST take out their defenses-

But ALSO-put the passengers in danger. Its like, use the turrets some Grimm die but they’ll attack the train more, DON’T use the turrets and they’ll attack anyway with less dead grimm, its a total catch 22!

Obviously bad-ass Qrow Branwen realizes and gets his TOP GUY TO STOP DUNDY-

...Oscar...desperate times I suppose.

Dundey like an idiot DOESN’T listen to the logical decision to turn off the glowing red fuck me spots for the Grimm to hit, and even MORE idiotically-

*CRACK* NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

...decides to hang from the SIDE of a train going into a tunnel....instead of finding a way to duck...how many good Huntsmen/Huntresses did Salem’s unnamed faction kill, because I can’t help thinking he and his late partner were scraped from the bottom of the barrel.

BACK in the train, everyone’s as completely calm as they possibly could be.

14:19 Qrow: I SAID, turn those damn things OFF! *SLAM*

Seriously, in this situation Qrow is SUPER calm, I’d wanna kick his ass too.

Ruby then ACTUALLY calmly asks the guy to turn off the turrets(she’s got resolve of STEEL that one) AND THEY COME UP WITH A PLAN-to use a combo of Jaune’s Aura-booster powers and Ren’s emotion mask powers to mask the train. A plan that I’m sure will go off without ONE hit-

15:32 Oscar: I’m afraid there’s one complication.

Son of a god damned bitch Oz, I SWEAR TO GOD!

“The Grimm are also attracted...to this.”

Logically team Rugby O’Shaunnesy is as pissed at Oz as the fans for putting everyone in danger without telling them because he’s a mysterious wizard.

BUT-they gotta stay on task and kick Oscar in the nuts later, THEY MUST SAVE THE PYORPLES!

Sadly, they realize that they have to seperate the car with the passengers masked by Ren and Jaune, from the one with Team RWBY Qrow and a dumb old man in a child’s body. The two teams have to say good bye.

Jaune: Only if you’ll promise you’ll meet us there.

Ruby: Promise.

Weiss: Just know it’ll probably take a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time for us to get there.

Qrow: I estimate about 12 to 14 epis-I MEAN days.

Team Bad-name-pun then SPRINGS INTO ACTION-getting all the passengers in the front car-

16:29

-including this one bespectacled passenger who will in no way affect the plot in any way no and forever QUIT ASKING ABOUT IT!

Blake then cuts the cable cars-BUT SEES-

GAH-stalker much? I can’t believe Adam followed them-OR DID HE-

Is it actually Adam, or PTSD induced hallucination, FIND OUT NEXT EPISODE!

And what’s cool about the next sequence is that it needed NO explanation, you get it obviously from what you see.

Rubes gets JUST enough of a signal from Nora-

-so the MOMENT the Grimm land-

17:02

“NOW!”

-they start the maneuver.

No real comment on here other than how I LOVE how the black and white color palette over-takes the colored train car.

And then BACK TO FIGHTING!

And dear GOD there are so many great Grimm-kills here, so many I’d be here ALL day cutting and pasting every single one so I’ll just put the boss take down-STEP ONE-

Yang slides herself to the back-

-Blake THROWS it to Yang-

-AND YANG JUST PUNCHES THAT SHIT BACK-

-tying that greasy Grimm in PLACE-WHICH WEISS CONTINUES-

-with a classic “Freeze that fucker’s wings off attack”(with assistance from Ruby and Qrow of course for shattering said wings)-and then Uncle and Niece-

-get they scythes in gear-

-AND THEY SLASH THAT BITCH IN TWO! AND.THIS.IS.JUST.THE.FIRST.EPISODE!

BUT-the beast lets out ONE last fireball knocking them off track and....EVERYONE IS OKAY-incluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuding-

-THIS LADY-whose name I’ve read is Maria Callavera! Turns out she WASN’T just a random side character, I couldn’t tell with how HEAVILY lampshaded it was!

AND THAT’S VOLUME 6 EP 1-a fantastic start to the season with AMAZING action and animation, and great story-progression. Minor criticism, I still feel they didn’t need to do a “Something hours earlier” thing with the train battle, they could’ve easily done the story in sequential order and it would have worked just as well if not better. BUT-I still loved it and I hope you did to. If you liked what you read, consider donating to my Paypal on my blog page, I’d appreciate it. SEE YA NEXT WEEK ON MICKSTERECAPS!