#ITS TRASH BUT LISTEN
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. 𓇬ㅤ♡ ˖⠀❛⠀⠀starter for @lcvlettrs.
sooji had been engrossed with the screen in front of her, her fingers moving at lightning speed as they danced across her keyboard. lucky her, her quirk made bypassing security measures a breeze, letting her zip through the hero's database with ease—collecting the information they needed as well as corrupting her own files slowly in the process. without taking her eyes off the task at hand, she commented to the male somewhere behind her, ❛ you know, if you're gonna stick around and watch, ❜ her focus unwavering, zeroed in on her target, ❛ can you at least do something useful like bring me a snack? ❜
#𓈒 𓇬 𓂃 ⠀𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖘𝖊 〳 sooji .#you can pick zak or kyu again!!#if its kyu you can also decide if you want it to be at her place or the base!!#ITS TRASH BUT LISTEN#IM TRYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG#also lavender sooji bc this is after the jojos helped her dye it :')
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#★ arin rambles#★ my art#art#honkai star rail#hsr aventurine#hsr#So basically me and my bestie have agreed that aven has a priv twt acc and its terrible#yheres only like 1 follower (and its topaz) shes sick of it cuz he posts at the dead of night and its such drastic changes#Like he’d post ‘Sometimes I think about how I’m older than my older sister now.’#and hes So Sad#and then like 12 minutes later post something like ‘staring at ratio’s cleavage rn not listening to a word hes saying’#Also ratio isnt allowed to know abt it cuz hes gushing about him constantly like a schoolgirl#anyway so this is Not That. this is the trash he posts though#ignore that one normal cat it was genuinely too cute i didnt wanan erase it .
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I drew the silly :)
#frankie stein#gen 3 monster high#gen 3#monster high#mh#i love the they/thems#nonbinary#song is trash tommy by jett screams by the way please listen to it its so good
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i dig his earnest soul & neglected middle child vibes. he's so Charming and for what reason!
#perhaps i just enjoy pathetic men!#perhaps i relate to how he's treated! who's to say!#grabbing him and putting him on my trinket shelf#i'd listen to his poetry. i'd hate every fucking second but i Would listen <3#look at him! Look! i want to perhaps toss him around in a sack!#there is a 3d model of him in my mind and im just. violently spinning him#my fav pillars: latter & toodaloo THANKS I LOVE THEM.#scribble salad#latter pillar#welcome home puppet show#ok its time to queue this and sleep. im seeing spiders#you know it's time to sleep when the trash bag strings turn into a tarantula!#god. latter. i love him and his too many stupid fucking limbs AGH HE'S SO PERFECT.#howdy's just a hater smh. and repressed as shit - i see him. he's not fooling Me....
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touya + eggplant ; 3.2k ੈ‧₊˚ for our meet fruit collab ! ‧₊˚✧ ₊˚
touya's message comes across in the early afternoon, when you know he should be working.
the image that comes to mind is — hilariously sweet: him in ill-fitting trousers and freshly combed hair, leaning too far into some desk as he fiddles with his phone. biting his lip, most likely, running the very tip of his tongue across the hole his piercing left behind; amused.
it'd be even better, you think, if he wasn't sending you three eggplant emojis and nothing else.
it's bold, and startlingly so. enough that your heart rate skyrockets and sweat forms instantly on the back of your neck, in the creases of your palms, as you overanalyze three cartoon vegetables harder than you ever have in your life. you could easily believe he's sending this as a drunken joke, but he's been stone-cold sober since he was released, and if that had changed, even in the slightest, yumi would have told you.
you type out four different variations of the same question — asking what the hell that's supposed to mean — before sending none of them. are you...being a weirdo? eggplant emojis are inherently sexual, right? and maybe touya's been away for a while, but surely he would know that. right? in a single, wordless text, he's managed to make you sixteen again; too young to be crushing on your best friend's older brother.
— though you think of him now as he was only days ago: eyes clear and focused, razor sharp and set on you from across the todoroki living room. the very memory makes your stomach churn, violently; just a kid that should be worrying about their studies, and not about a boy that wouldn't give you the time of day.
before your thoughts can get themselves any more scrambled, another text follows suit:
yumi wants to know if u wanna come for dinner
eggplant, you tell yourself, as in the actual food that people eat. the actual vegetable, and not the dickish inquiry you thought it was. you do your best to ignore the little wave of disappointment that washes over you, and then the following crash once you realize that you wouldn't actually mind if he was asking after what you thought he was asking after; you, carnally.
you collect yourself enough to send him a normal, not weird text in response confirming that you'll be there, and his thumbs up comes across almost instantly. as if he'd been waiting for you.
touya was always in and out of their house when you and fuyumi were in school, but you caught him every now and then when things were good. safe at home, doing his best to hold down a job and stay out of trouble, soaking up a warmth from his family he never got as a kid, when their dad was around. how couldn't you have developed such a crush on him? to see him happy and whole, more dangerous than anyone expected, mysterious in a way that excited your teen heart — and kissing up to his mother at the dinner table?
you're not delusional enough to think he ever noticed you or your big goo-goo eyes, but sometimes he would stick his head into his sister's room, to grin and wiggle his eyebrows at you, before getting pelted in the head with a stuffed animal and chased away. it earned a high-pitched laugh from him, more of a game than anything sincere, but you still thought of him while staring at the ceiling in your own bedroom, wishing.
in all the time he was away — in rehab or jail or who-knows-where — you thought you'd outgrown your juvenile infatuation, but — here you are, still, with fevered cheeks at the very thought of him.
here you are, still, taking care to choose your clothes for dinner, as if it were only going to be you and him. fussing with your hair for far too long, as if he would notice. making little crescents with your nails into your palm outside the door to the todoroki house, as if you haven't been here thousands of times.
you've seen him since he's been home, of course, in the last few months, but there's been this weird aura surrounding you both, worse than it was when you were younger. you're tip-toeing around each other and you both know you're tip-toeing, and he's always wearing his little smug smile and looking too long. it's hard to be around him, really. a little easier to text, but every winky face he sends only winds you up even further.
when the front door swings open, you hold your breath unintentionally, neck straining until you realize —
it's only shouto.
"hi!" you say, trying not to sound as winded as you feel, though shouto — as usual — is unimpressed.
he blinks at you, two-toned, and almost rolls his eyes like the rotten teenager he's capable of being, attitude too much like touya's. there's a little doughy dumpling in his hand and he turns away from you while using it to wave further into the house. "she's in the kitchen."
fuyumi, even though you didn't ask. you follow him in and stick your tongue out at the back of his head, before going off to find your best friend — who is, indeed, in the kitchen, surrounded by bowls and utensils and too many real, actual eggplants.
"what did you do?" you ask upon seeing her treasure trove of purple veggies on the counter. "rob a farmer?"
there's really an absurd amount of them, though she doesn't look up from cutting one into little rangiri pieces. "no, actually, they were on sale at the farmer's market!"
you eye one closest to you before poking at it, oblong in shape and — kind of ugly. it feels odd in your hand when you pick it up, but that's probably because you're hyper-aware of every sound in the background of the house, of the burning embarrassment tucked away in your pocket in the form of touya's three emojis. shamefully, your thoughts take a dark turn, and when fuyumi finally glances up, you toss the vegetable back onto the counter too fast.
she snorts and shakes her head, pushing up her glasses with the back of her hand before pointing at the little steamer basket of dumplings near the stove. "try one! before shouto and natsuo eat them all."
you consider it for a moment before weighing just how much eggplant it seems you're going to consume tonight, and decide to wait until after dinner, if they're still there. along with her veggies, she's got a little tub of red miso out and also some pork frying in a pan, as well as too many bowls in the sink already. though you admire her passion for cooking, you know she'll wait to clean until everything is plated, and no one else will help her, so you take to starting on the dishes instead.
the frown she sends you can be felt, but you've been in this kitchen long enough that you think she should just give it up.
there's such comfort to being in here, with her, maybe because you really have done it so many times by now; the water is warm as it runs over your hands, sending little goosebumps up your arms, and you nod your head absentmindedly to the sound of her knife against the cutting board. you absorb the heat from everywhere quickly, and when you begin to smell the garlic and ginger cooking, you feel like a warm, doughy little dumping yourself.
you get lost in it with her and all the tension from the day melts, dissolves completely when you can lightly hear fuyumi humming over her sizzling pan. she tells you about some other things she bought at the market, gossip about a mutual friend you both have, she asks about the shirt you're wearing and why she's never seen it before, and you're rinsing your hands of dish soap when you hear her squeal—
"ah! get out!"
when you peek over your shoulder, you can see touya there, leaning too far over her own, smiling with full cheeks as he investigates what she's cooking. half of a little dumpling is in his hand and he looks down at it, makes a face before turning it over, and then he places it right back in the steamer.
"ew, gross!" fuyumi nudges him away with her elbow before plucking it right back out, trying to hand it back off to him. "nobody wants your half-eaten food."
and then, much to your horror, right in front of his sister — touya's eyes cut across the kitchen to you. one corner of his mouth quirks up in his little smirk and then you're whipping back around to look down in the sink, despite it being empty. his stare can be felt, too. you wonder if it's a todoroki thing.
"ew," fuyumi mumbles. you feel like you've been caught in some kind of way, though you don't doubt she clocked your affections for her older brother the minute they developed.
it's not something she's ever spoken directly to you about, however, which you're grateful for. you don't know how you would be able to handle that discussion, but she's always made sure to pass off the odd and unprompted little updates about touya over the years.
when he speaks again, it's clear his mouth is full. "shouto said he's not settin' the table."
"okay, then you go do it."
"no," touya snorts, "he's the youngest, that ain't fair."
"and you're the oldest, so you can ask him to do it."
"he doesn't listen to me and you know—"
"alright!" fuyumi sighs, and when you peek back at them, she's shoving her knife into his hands and shaking her head to herself, before stalking out of the kitchen.
you unravel out of your little dumpling warmth immediately, though your goosebumps return in full force. touya grins at you, happily, and tosses the kitchen knife in his hands in a way that looks too proficient, too dangerous for what it is. your teen heart thumps loudly in your ears, charmed and enamored by his tragic mystery.
— and then you take in his still-pristine work outfit, openly, now that he's watching you; slacks a little slouchy on his narrow hips, white shirt buttoned up to his neck. the tattoo there is covered up by bandages on purpose, and though he means to simply hide them from view, it only sharpens all his edges.
the small pink, hello-kitty band-aid on his cheek helps, too, in a cutesy way. makes you all too aware of how much has changed over the years. how much he's changed, all the work he's had to do, the dues he's had to pay. your heart swell stubbornly, seriously, and you try to shake it away.
your voice starts out small, embarrassingly enough. "you look nice in your fancy office clothes."
touya's hand slip into his pocket and he rocks back and forth on his heels once, pleased, before looking down at his loose tie. "think so? you like a white-collar man?"
you look back to the sink, shy. it pulls him in; a moth to the flame of your hesitance, and it's not a moment later that he's leaning up against the counter beside you, watching your heated face carefully. the knife at his side gleams in the kitchen light and — you're not afraid of him, couldn't be, but you wonder if anyone else has ever been.
the truth of what landed him in trouble with the law is unknown to you, the one thing fuyumi never shared, and you can't help but to be curious as to why. you're practically family at this point and it's not as if you could ever look down on them, ever, and while you couldn't possibly understand the horror they went through with their father — you can sympathize with the fact that it wasn't easy. that he left scars they'll always nurse.
touya's always been so out of your reach, despite being just down the hall. blame it on time or the slight age difference or your relationship with his sister; it's hard to hope that he could be here, at your side, truly. finally.
instead of answering, you simply turn so that you're facing him, hip leaned against the counter, and the bright eyes he has on your cheeks are almost impossible to be at the mercy of. even worse when his smile grows, boyish-ly cute.
"what, coming on too strong?" he asks, laughing quietly when you put on a brave face and roll your eyes. "figured the emojis would'a opened the door a little."
your cheeks flame, and you press your hands into them to tide back your smile at how — flirty he is. the step back you take doesn't go unnoticed. "i couldn't even believe what i was seeing when you sent those."
"oh, yeah?" the tone of his voice changes then, shifts a bit lower. if you weren't tracking his eyes as they shift down to your mouth, burning a little brighter, you might've though you'd upset him or said the wrong thing. "what'd you think i meant?"
you glance away from him, directly at the ugly eggplant you'd been fiddling with earlier, and the dark thoughts return. when you don't answer right away, he reaches over to flip on the tap, running the knife blade underneath the stream as you map the wide expanse of his hands, the length of his fingers. small, translucent scars litter his knuckles.
"i don't know," you lie, and then it seems like you have said the wrong thing, this time; touya turns a little, placing all his attention in the dish soap and the sponge you'd left out to dry.
you are sixteen, speechless, nervous by his proximity—
"you seein' anyone right now?"
—but this is not the same boy that left you behind.
you have to laugh in order to keep yourself rooted to your spot, here on earth in the todoroki kitchen, and it brings his attention right back to you. "uh," you say, lamely, "what?"
it makes him laugh, too, all your sputtering. "yeah, c'mon. i mean, i know i'm fucked in the head, but," and then he really laughs, open-mouthed, showing off the piercing still in his tongue. "i'm workin' on it, and stuff. renewed and reformed, or whatever."
"hang on," you shake your head quickly, frowning at him as you replay the words over and over; his self-deprecation is so genuine that you almost missed it. "i don't think you're...fucked in the head."
"well, that makes one of us—"
"no, touya, i'm serious," the step closer you take has him looking away, down into the empty sink; hilariously, a mirror of yourself that you never could have imagined seeing. it does strange things to your heart, your stomach, and your nerves. makes you bolder than you really are. "i've never thought that."
he doesn't say anything for long time, choosing to watch droplets of water as they fall from the faucet. his jaw works in the silence, like he's chewing the inside skin of his cheek, like he's thinking too hard.
and then he says, quietly, "i know." he continues without looking at you, sensing the confusion on your face. "i know you never did, 's'why i couldn't..."
you blink, lost suddenly in the meaning of his words and their whirlwind. you think back to all the times he grinned at you from fuyumi's doorway, how uninterested he seemed in you from across the dinner table, his silence on the rare occasions you were alone together.
you've known touya since you were fourteen and he was fifteen. you remember when their parent's got divorced and when touya got his license and when he got locked up, the first time. you've known him through so many of his bad moments and it never dimmed the little stars you had in your eyes for him, and you once thought that was a bad thing, that it would only lead to heartbreak time and time again from him. you once thought it was something only you and fuyumi knew about.
"i am tryin' now," he continues with a sigh, a little winded. "seriously. got this shitty job and am goin' to my meetings. not as big of a piece of shit." when you start to object, he shakes his head and holds up a hand to stop you from arguing. "i know, i just mean...you wanna white-collar guy, i'm a white-collar guy."
you feel shy again, especially as the high points of his cheek flush pink. boyish-ly cute. "so that's why you sent me three eggplant emojis instead of just asking me to come eat dinner?"
touya snorts. "yeah, like i said, i'm workin' on it."
"no, i..." it feels wrong to admit anything to him like this, so close as his grin grows on his handsome face, dimples showing. you've been thinking about moments like this for years, but now that it's here, you feel a little dizzy, looking into his bright eyes. "i like the eggplant emoji." you step away from him for just a moment, to grab his half-eaten dumpling, and his expression grows serious — a little dark — as you nibble on it. "i like the way you...do things."
his smile grows knife-sharp, something he's too good at wielding. "well, in that case—"
"can i come in yet? our dinner is about to burn."
you both whip around to take in fuyumi, hovering at the edges of the kitchen with her arms crossed. watching on, her cheeks tinged pink, too. you try to step away, embarrassed and caught, but touya only leans in, knocking his hip to yours.
fuyumi rolls her eyes at him, but the small smile she sends you has you wanting to be swallowed up by the floor; this isn't a discussion you've ever had to have with her, but now — it's inevitable.
you suppose you can't complain too much.
"okay, you had your moment, now get out," she sticks her tongue out at touya before shooing him away, making a small noise when he pinches your elbow teasingly. it makes him laugh when she swats at him, and he only holds up his hands and tries to drop all his weight back on her as she steers him out of the kitchen.
you fish the knife out of the sink and return to cutting another eggplant once she's back and stirring in her leeks and little miso mixture. the moment is tense between you to begin with — but then she's humming quietly under her breath and knocking her hip into yours, too, tucking you back into the comfort of this house you've always been in. this family you've always loved.
"you know," she murmurs eventually, rolling her eyes with another smile when you glance up at her face. one of the eggplants is weighed in her hands, and even she frowns down at it, before shaking it at you in a way that makes you both laugh. "he made me buy these, by the way."
—tucking you back into the comfort of this family that has, maybe, always loved you, too.
#it's only 6pm in hawaii rn :)#ONE DOWN ONE TO GO BABEY !!!!!#listen. maybe this is trash garbage. maybe. more likely than you think. but i DID IT !!!!#idk best friend's older brother touya 🥺 he's always thought you were too good for him 🥺#wanted to be the man you deserved 🥺#ahgkahgkah sorry about this SORRY#edit to add: COULD NOT think of a title for this so its title is literally actually just '🍆'#[ ☆ one shot: dabi/touya ]#✿ willow writes
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as a multishipper who also happens to like adrienette some of yall adrienette stans PMO 😭😭😭
#mlb#miraculous ladybug#acting like your ship is better than all the others#and for what just because its canon ???#like the amount of times ive seen people call zoenette trash and have zero respect#or straight up ignoring or refusing to aknowledge zoes crush on marinette#and refusing to listen to other peoples opinions#do you hate fun#rarely on tumblr tho so props to yall#ladybug#chat noir#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#adrienette#marichat#ladynoir#lukadrien#marigami#zoenette#zoe lee#luka couffaine#kagami tsurugi#kagaminette
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losing my mind
#i was listening to soulless heart and decided to read the comments#many of them had good takes ngl#but then there were these#ain't forgetting how everyone took ink's actions SO personally#that they didn't even give the series a chance to explain his reasons and his true ideology#cause let's not forget uvs ink is close to canon ink but not in its entirety#but nooo let's just-#stay on 0.4 and we're NOT letting it go#i'm calm#undertale#undertale au#utmv#underverse#ink sans#fluffy ink#fluffy trash
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i think what most people fail to understand is that theres no fucking way that israel intelligence community wouldnt know about the attack that happened. they have spies literally everywhere and theyre frighteningly good at their job, just look at some cases of them stealing data from other countries and you will see. so the most likely scenario in my head is that israeli government decided to let the attack happen, let the people die, bc of the greater good of forcing more oppression onto palestinians and deeming any of the activists as terrorists. now they can say "look its not our fault!!! we're doing this for the security of the country, not just israelis, and our laws and legislations are only to control the terrorism" which is a big fat lie.
people need to understand that when oppression gets too suffocating radical groups are born. this is why there are alt right muslim extremists in europe, bc theyre being actively oppressed. but what they do benefits the government (as in, they can now point at the extremists and claim all muslims/middle easterns are like this). so in the end, theres a high chance that the recent hamas attack will benefit the genocide of the palestinian—a truly ironic tragedy, the acts of which we (the middle easterns) already know from memory.
my heart goes out to all of my palestinian siblings. i hope the nightmarish genocidal machine of israel finally dies, and that you can experience peace in the end 🇵🇸
#Palestine#also i need the western leftists to check their sources before quoting any palestine advocate bc some of them are the iranian government#which i do not need to get into to explain why thats not correct and u shouldn't listen to them. hopefully#god im just. head in hands#when will the horrors end#people can never understand the experience of living in middle east#its truly hellish#and everything is out of our control#and bc we are brown our lives just. don't fucking matter#they way everyone treats us like trash like we deserve whats happening#like we deserve the war the west is forcing on us#im so so so tired. the pain never goes away#it just piles up.
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If anyones curious abt my specific rotbtd modern au it's Hiccup Stoick and Astrid moving to Burgess after The Incident for a fresh start as well as Stoick's work. Stoick is (slightly negligent) rarely home but Hiccup's self sufficient and he knows Astrid will (try) to keep him out of trouble.
The first few weeks of them living there Hiccup accidentally hits a huge stray cat with his bike breaking its leg, so naturally he tries his best to gain its trust so he can take it to the vet and learns he can communicate with it eerily well.
The Dunbrochs already live there, Merida is Hiccup's cousin (related to Stoick. He's from Scotland Valka's Norwegian and so is Hiccup) he barely knows. Rapunzel is a weird homeschooled kid Merida is friends with and dedicated to giving her core childhood experiences. Jack is actually kind of a loser bc he's the type of kid who will do almost anything if dared or betted (he's desperate for attention) and Merida and rapunzel are his only friends his age all the others are kids from the daycare he works at. He met Rapunzel on accident then met Merida and joined her mission to un-shelter Rapunzel.
If anyones curious why Astrid moved with them it's bc her parents didn't take her coming out too well (not in the 'we're kicking you out' way, more so the 'making passive aggressive comments, sure hope this is a phase, what happened to our star athlete son' way and it became too much for her. Staying with the Haddocks is meant to be temporary, just to give her some breathing room she's not going back if she can help it)
Also the woods might be haunted (kind of want to combine my small town horror au w this. It was originally gonna be jack as a ghost and Hiccup who could see him but stupid kids going on supernatural adventures is very appealing..)
Uhh idk if I have more than that currently. I gotta scrounge around my notesapp
Edit: I made a second hopefully more put together post
#if i suddenly become fixated on this au i might consider writing a series of oneshots for it bc theres some scenes thst wont leave my head#alterous hiccstrid#is a thing in this au..#also hijack maybe bc im trash like that#how do raps and jack meet hiccup and astrid? idk. ill sit and listen to some music and hopw it'll come to me#hiccup and astrid are trans <33#rotbtd au#rotbtd#the big four#rotbtd modern au#htthd modern au#trans astrid hofferson#my aus#moth.txt#also hiccup cant really Speak to animals. its more like animal empathy whicch gets messages across much clearer
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another thing that was crazy abt megalopolis is that theres a huge subplot (the main plot of the movie??) about how adam driver is just going around demolishing historic buildings and peoples homes to build his stupid utopian city and everyone is protesting this for obvious reasons but then in the last 10 minutes he just unveils his stupid utopian city and its presented like a huge grand triumph and the demolishings are completely forgotten so you have to assume the movie thinks that coming in and exploding peoples homes with no warning is a good and cool thing for him to do and they shouldnt have been upset by this.
#also his cousin hates him so the cousin goes to one of these protests and agrees with the crowd#and like specifically stands apart from their rich family by saying 'no the common people arent trash theyre immigrants lets hear them'#so he joins the protest and riles up the crowd against adam driver#and then the next time we see the crowd its become a very on the nose trump metaphor w the cousin as trump#so in universe the people protesting the destruction of their homes with no warning are just. right wing crazies i guess#and the guy who listens to the common people and explicitly stands up for immigrants is trump#anyway thats more evidence that the movie thinks its good and cool for adam driver to be destroying peoples homes.#for his stupid city thats only benefit is. like. having those moving walkways you see at the airport.#avpost#anyway i have to keep talking about megalopolis to the detriment of my relationships and sanity bc theres just. so much#movie diary#oh and when i say the trump metaphor is on the nose i mean like. news people calling him an unconventional politician over#footage of the crowd holding up signs that say Make New Rome Great Again level of on the nose
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so how do we revive the divergent fandom in 2024
#u think im joking#its my guilty pleasure series#like ill make fanart if i have to#MARK MY WORDS#HSSJSHSHSJSK <3#i rewatched all the movies theyre my beloved trash#and now im almost done rereading the first book and the nostalgia is hitting#LISTEN IJUST LOVE IT I DONT CAREE#divergent#missing that confusing and fun era of ya dystopian literature …
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funny that Cabinet Man was thee lemon demon song that went platinum on this site when its like bottom 3 tracks on that record probably including bonus tracks
#listening 2 spirit phone for thee first time in years outta nostalgia#not 2 trash that tune 2 much i think its overall a rly solid album
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Every time a rock band with a female singer gets compared to Paramore a baby bird dies
#you will listen to a female fronted black metal band and someone will still say 'getting big paramore vibes here'#this is not me trashing paramore AT ALL btw#just saying that they arent the only female fronted band in existence#comparing every single band with a female singer to paramore is doing everyone a disservice#i have a fucking symphonic prog rock band and STILL get compared to them its infuriating
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heard a song that reminded me of him
#my art#johnny silverhand#cyberpunk 2077#ignore tht its a tiktok song or whatever they call it i promise i still listen to my trash music
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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i hate that i can come across a ttpd hater's opinion at any given moment, it's scary out here
just saw some say "i haven't listened to it yet but i just know its bad" like what if i just started screaming and never stopped
#like at least listen to the album before u trash it GOD#at least be constructive!!!!#just hating for no damn reason like GAHDDSHSHHSBS#people just hate her so much for no reason like it makes me sad#they truly dont believe she doesnt have ONE good song?? theyre all poppy boring bland songs#the release of ttpd has brought out some really strange and hateful thinkpieces abt her#idk#its getting under my skin
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