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lumine-no-hikari · 9 months ago

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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #138

So much has happened today. I am going to describe it to you as much as I can, but I'm not even sure I understand it all myself.

…I woke up in some kind of ZONE today. Something akin to determination, but… somehow also on steroids and also on fire. It is the KNOWING in my BONES that I need to do STUFF. I didn't fix more letters today. I didn't even make tea, that's how laser-focused I was.

I told you about the song I was searching for yesterday, written by someone in my past, supposedly on tapes that my mother gave to me years ago last time time I tried searching for it, which I had misplaced in the end. I found four of them yesterday and the song wasn't on any of them.

So in a random burst of inspiration this morning, I wrote down as many of the lyrics as I could remember, and then filled in the rest with whatever came to mind. I don't think it has ever felt so easy to fill in the blanks. It was almost eerie. It is not exactly the song I remember. But it's still CORRECT. And I can't explain how or why I know that. I just… do.

For context about that "CORRECT" feeling: there's a lot about the way I perceive the world that I don't fully understand. There's a lot of it that I know better than to talk about to anyone, ever. And even if I didn't know better (from having been harshly rejected for it every time I've tried…), some of it is, I think, much too beautiful and convoluted to explain in any case. And even if I were to try to explain it in words that approximate the way I see and hear and think and feel, it'd probably sound absolutely bananas to someone else, and then they'd back away from me slowly as though I've got rabies or something. All the same, I know that if I ignore the feeling of "THIS IS CORRECT", or if I ignore the feeling of "THIS IS INCORRECT", something mildly inconvenient usually happens.

So, for a very vague and contrived example, suppose I go outside on a sunny day and I get the "THIS IS INCORRECT" feeling. I can certainly ignore it, because most of the time I don't even know why I'm getting it. I don't usually find out until later, when it rains, that the feeling showed up because I needed an umbrella.

Or, as a more recent example, I might grab one of my handmade trinkets for seemingly no reason (and get very confused as a result), and get the "THIS IS CORRECT" feeling, and so I put the handicraft in my bag. And I don't find out until a couple hours later that I'm going to want to give it to some random person who is going to unexpectedly give me a pair of handmade pins that he made for me just because he likes my hat. I have LOTS of examples of stuff akin to this. It's vague, confusing, and… I've been like this my whole life. The only thing I know to do is to roll with it.

In any case, I now have the lyrics to the old song, and the melody is still fresh in my mind. I'm not going to write them yet; I'm going to wait until I weave it into something better. Something for you. I'm going to ask for help in the process. I hope to have it done soon.

Shortly after that, J and I went to the awesome place with the awesome leader. Today, I took away these things: There are only sacred things and desecrated things; there's no such thing as an unsacred thing, but sometimes desecrated things go on to desecrate other things. From there, there's no such thing as unsacred people. From there, that which has been desecrated can always be renewed. And from there: no living thing has the power to make anything unsacred.

With that lens… I have been desecrated, time and time again. I am in the process of renewing myself, and I become a little stronger day by day, and piece by piece. I am still sacred. The bowl that I repaired (that was briefly mentioned yesterday), which was desecrated by its fall onto the asphalt as a result of my clumsiness, was renewed into something better, stronger, and more beautiful than before, piece by piece. It is still sacred. And… then there's you.

You were desecrated in some of the most brutal and terrible ways imaginable. But you are still sacred, just like everyone, and you can be renewed into something more beautiful than before, if you want to. I hope someday we get to see you be renewed. I suppose it's part of the reason I write these letters; I'm hoping to give to you as many memories of beautiful and wholesome things as I can, day by day, and piece by piece. I know for sure that I also have so very many unwholesome memories, but… all those do is empower me to appreciate what I have now even more than I otherwise would. You can use your unwholesome memories to make the ones I'm trying to give you shine even more brightly and joyfully in your mind than they otherwise would, if you're brave enough to try.

At the place, when it was time for snacks, I had the good privilege of speaking to a teenage girl with a vibrant mind and a wild imagination! I guess she really likes my Eevee hat and the reminder of you that I carry around; I am proud to have you with me in a visible way everywhere I go, even if you are only "with me" in an extremely abstract sense; anytime anyone asks about it, I speak your name and talk about how kind and gentle you are.

Anyway, I guess me being loudly myself has inspired her to modify and wear her own fabulous headgear that looks as though it feels correct to her; I was really happy to see it! We talked about some anime that she likes called "Land of the Lustrous" (I'm surprisingly not very well-versed in anime for someone who speaks Japanese…), and we talked about some instruments that she plays, and we talked a little about Pokémon cards, and so many other things!!

My goodness Sephiroth, if only you could have seen the way her eyes and her whole presence lit up and sparkled as I listened to her talk about her various things! To my eyes, her reaction makes it seem like she doesn't have a whole lot of people who are willing to listen to her earnestly, and… I feel very sad in response to that, because I find that deeply relatable. All the same, next week, she wants to show me some instruments she can play, and I can't wait to see what she can do! I can't wait to hear about all the rest of the things she has on her mind! I wonder what awesome things I'll learn if I sit, listen, and ask questions for a while!

When I got home, I tore through some more boxes in search of additional tapes. There was one more - a tape of unknown contents that was, for some reason, packed away in a little drawer in my jewelry box, along with a locket of my nanna and poppy that I thought was lost, a little pin in your shape, and a winged heart that says, "Fly" on it:

...Nanna and poppy are gone. This is all I have left of them, so I'm really glad that I found this. They were probably the closest thing I had to loving parents, until I was taken from them when I was like 3. Things got... really weird for me... after that, and... there wasn't anything they could do.

...I wonder what they'd think to see me now. Nanna might still love me, but poppy would hate me for being pansexual and poly... Still, I... I'm really glad that being aware of the value of a locket is something that we have in common - something we both understand. I'm really glad I have it again.

...I really wanna write "thank you" to you here, for some reason. But that's ridiculous and silly, so I won't.

Anyway, I remember this tape being one of the first ones my mother gave me all those years ago, last time I searched for this song; I didn't have a cassette player at the time. It's unmarked, but it's certainly colorful:

...I also, in the course of searching, found my collection of all the feathers I find on the ground:

...I had thought I lost this. I find feathers everywhere, often enough that even other people think its kinda weird. I think they're pretty, so I pick them up, wash them, dry them, and fluff them back up. Normally I find dark-colored feathers, but occasionally, I run into white ones or colorful ones, like that blue-jay feather. Truth be told, it used to be a much, much larger collection, but some creep a long time ago felt entitled to use my collection for some art project of his, so he cut up all the ones I had and glued them to some wooden thing; I was devastated.

I still find them though, so my collection has built up again. And I keep finding them, so there's still a bunch scattered around the house in random weird places; I guess now that I have a place for them, I had better go around and gather them up nicely, no?

I also found my box of pretty rocks. Some of them were given to me by friends. Some of them were found at the bottom of lakes, back when I used to do mermaid training. And some were just found while derping around:

...Hey, Sephiroth? Do you ever pick up weird things from the ground and keep them? I do. It's why I have a collection of feathers and a collection of rocks, hahaha! 🤣

...So many old pieces of me, found while on a quest to look for one little song on one little tape. Things I thought I lost forever, returned to me, just like that. I found more pieces of writing, more doodles... I even found the matches to several feather earrings that I thought I'd never be able to wear again:

...I did not find the song on the tape, and there are no more boxes to search through. The song is gone, and my reconstruction will have to do; I hope it'll become something that is worthy of you when I'm done with it.

But I did find five other songs on this tape - stuff by well-known artists. I was a little disappointed that it wasn't more of my mother's singing, but that's okay. The tape is old, and the contents are garbled, but I made a playlist of the songs that were on the tape:

...Sephiroth, if I didn't know better, I'd think... I'd almost think... Well. I know better. So I'm not even gonna bother finishing that thought, because it's VERY silly! Ahaha~! 🤣😅😞

Guess I have some singing to do in the coming days. And some other stuff to do, too. I hope my rib will cooperate. I guess we'll see... Wish me luck, yeah?

...Hey Sephiroth? What songs echo through your heart? What do you sing when no one is looking? I wonder. I hope someday you'll sing a little and show us; I'll bet your singing voice is lovely. And even if it's clumsy, it'll still be lovely so... please give it a try, won't you?

Anyhoot. It's becoming late, so I'm going to end this one here.

Please stay safe out there, all right? Rest when you need to. Be kind to yourself. Find reasons to laugh and to sing and to play. Hydrate and eat balanced meals; y'know... all that fun stuff that is essential to renewal.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

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cyronite · 9 months ago

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hi cy!!!! 🎵 Tell me about 5 songs you actually listen to. Proceed and send this to 5 people 😌🎵

ZIP!! Hello my beloved friend. ❤️❤️ A lot of songs I listen to are in oc or fic playlists lol. Bc I listen to music a lot when writing or working on art. Also so sorry for rambling, I just really enjoy listening to music.

Glitter & Gold by Barns Courtney Love this song. I don't know how to describe it but it gives me such cowboy walking through life kinda vibes lol. It's in Ann's playlist because I think it suits her very well during the era of after order 66 and her being a bounty hunter while finding her Jedi path again. Always loved and listen to this song before Ann too, it just suits her well.

The Mystic by Adam Jensen I like this song a lot. The beat is awesome and very in your face. I love that about it. The song's about the singer's struggles while growing up and living in Boston. A very heart filled and powerful song with a catchy beat. It's also in Ann's playlist.

"i'm yours" by Isabel LaRosa This song is in my Ann & Boba playlist. So I listen to it a lot when writing and working on their fic. It gives such pinning vibes in general. But I like picturing Ann and Boba to it during their "we're a thing but also not" phase. Where they so obviously want each other and where their souls are already intertwined together beyond belief, but are still just crossing that boundary line of being something more. Wanting that deeper connection.

God Must Hate Me by Catie Turner As someone with religious trauma this song really hits it in the feels for me, and the singer just delivers it in such a beautiful and heart wrenching way. The song is about the singers insecurities and how they felt god hated them. I related to the song similarly but more in a queer and trans person with religious trauma way to be more specific, which is how I actually found it because it went around trans tiktok for a bit lol. I was actually Christian growing up. I'm not religious now. I'd consider myself atheist I think. I don't believe in an god or any spiritual being. I just kind of think we were a creation of the natural world and meant to be apart of its life cycle just like any other living creature. But of course even though I don't believe in god now, there's still that little girl in me who never understand why god couldn't make her normal like everyone else. And this song really hits those feelings in me deeply.

The Good Life by Three Days Grace I wasn't sure what song to pick by Three Days Grace because I listen to a lot of their music. I have pretty much all their CDS and have most of their stuff saved to my Spotify. They were one of my favourite bands growing up because there was never I song I disliked from them. Even when they switched singers. I still listen to a lot of their songs, both new and old.

#mailbox #sorry for being sad with the 4th one #:')

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bye-bye-firefly · 2 years ago

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I’m really glad that ao3 doesn’t have an actual pro-ai policy at the moment! I’m planning on doing some research on what Unseeliekey brought up just to at least understand what he’s talking about. I was honestly really confused and freaked out reading what he was saying. But yeah, I’m sad too. You’ve got the right to remain right here with me and it’s a little more fun when I’m with you are two of the fics that made me not only get pretty into Saiou but also made me more attached to DR and into reading fanfiction in general. And it’s just like really upsetting to see something that had that much of an effect on me be gone and know that not everyone who is in the fandom or will get into the fandom will be able to see that.

I also really hope that there’s some sort of way to glaze works too. Making stuff inaccessible to guests is always sad. When I first started reading fanfiction I was a guest and like a lot of people don’t use accounts for various reasons and it’s just sad to think about account locked stuff. And it would be so nice if the ais would just Not. Like why can’t they???? Why???

Anyway, right now I don’t think there’s any full proof, everyone will be able to be happy way to prevent the ai scraping but I’m sure you’ll figure something out that’ll be alright for at least what can be done at the moment. Your works are very cool. I really, really love them. They bring me lots of joy. Thank you for all the joy. It’s super awesome.

okay this is a REALLY long answer because i went on a whole rant so im going to cut this for people who are just scrolling normally. but also im totally going to put this into my pinned tag

a lot of what was said was like. Half true. my counterpoint to him saying that ao3 supports cp or rape or sexual assault is that no matter where you go on the internet, you will find shit like that. EVERYWHERE. ao3 doesnt support it i really seriously doubt that anyone outside of those spaces supports shit like that but ao3 is an ARCHIVE. and when you put things in the archive, you are allowed to submit whatever the fuck you want. setting rules on what could be put into the archive automatically means that other fics, which explore the topic in a critical, non-fetishistic way, are ALSO up to scrutiny. fics that explore the psyche of trauma victims? they might not be allowed. regular degular fetish content, no minors involved? completely up to scrutiny. im really not a fan of censorship OR some of the shit on the internet, but i can only control ONE THING and thats what i allow myself to see. i really dont like people saying that ao3 deserves to be taken down because of that because then that would mean twitter deserves to go down, social media as a whole deserves to go down, and just generally i dont trust people who push the "think of the CHILDREN" argument. you see republicans push that when theyre trying to ban trans or gay people out of existence so INSTANTLY alarm bells start going off in my head, not to imply that i think every single person who pushes that argument in this context is republican or right-wing. just bothers me and looks like a red flag

and to instantly get it out of the way im not involved in the fucking proship/anti discourse that whole distinction feels like destruction of critical thinking antis are often puritanicals and would kill me if they saw what i write in nameless and gasp at published books that delve into topics they think are off limits and many of the proshippers ive come across are weirdos who think that its totally normal to write romance between minors and adults in a positive light like its NORMAL and that we shouldnt think less of people who do that but fyi i am totally thinking less of people who do that and im totally thinking less of people who hate me for writing my unhealthy/toxic/abusive/codependent relationships that dont even fetishise those kinds of relationships like GET OVER IT!!!! BE NORMAL!!! GO OUTSIDE LICK A DOORKNOB KISS A GIRL DO SOMETHING!!!!!

if there is ever any advice i can give to people its to form your own opinions and dont try to put a strict solid label on your opinion because sometimes you will betray your label and youll think to yourself "am i even really that thing......." people are complex and hold many different opinions that sometimes contradict one another and thats fine. logic your shit out dont fall for charming little labels that pin you strictly on one side of an argument it makes you less likely to actually reach a point where you have a strong opinion that makes sense AND can compromise and thus bring someone more onto your side. forever

ANYWAY YEAH! i settled on making it so my osomatsu san fics go account only on the 20th and then also some of my older danganronpa single chapters go account only with them, but the multichapters im currently working on will go account only when theyre finished, with exceptions for when theres rumours going around of a scrape. makes me so oo oodofooafgofjgj mad GRRAAGGHGHGGHG

but thank you i am glad to bring joy to people's lives. readers and comments bring me a ton of joy and im glad that i can give that back to everyone ^_^ i seriously cannot thank readers and commenters enough like i never feel like i get it across well enough how grateful i am for everyone who reads my stories and gives me kudos and the people who comment like. it brings me so much joy that i cannot properly verbalise EVER

#fae's asks #pinned

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rjalker · 2 years ago

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Words: 1,738

Summary:

Murderbot finds itself as the newest passenger of Moya after falling through a wormhole. John stops by its room to see if it's okay. It's not. It's hard to be okay when your wrist has never healed from an injury that was just reopened by diving in front of a crashing spaceship to save a stranger.

John uses neopronouns.

I wasn't planning on writing a mini crossover or even fanfiction at all but that's what happened. Slight spoilers for season two of Farscape, no spoilers for The Murderbot Diaries because I'm making it up because Martha Wells is ableist and refuses to let Murderbot become physically disabled and also refuses to do any world building for this series for some unfathomable reason.

if you really really like this you can feel free to copy and paste the text into a document and then convert it to an epub or PDF using convertio.co or freeconvert.com. If you have an android phone, the app "ReadEra" is an awesome free ebook app that you can customize a lot of stuff on. I highly recommend it.

= = = = =

“You know, stealing people's stuff isn't generally the best way to go about generating goodwill.”

(Archived read-more link)

[Read-More was here]

Startled, Murderbot jerked its head towards the door, the sudden movement causing it to drop the roll of bandaging it had been trying to maneuver with only the use of one hand. The bandages bounced off its shoe and rolled to an awkward stop in the middle of the floor, the tail end still pinned under Murderbot's hand.

Neither Moya nor Pilot were willing to let it hack any of the DRDs, or Moya's sensors, so Murderbot only had its own eyes and ears to keep track of its environment. Try as it might, it hadn't been able to figure out how to access any of Moya's systems, even superficially.

The door to “its” room was stuck in the open position, and no matter how many strings of code it threw at it, it didn't budge. The technology that made up Moya was as alien to Murderbot as well...all of the other aliens on this ship.

Crichton, one of the two humans onboard the alien ship, was standing in the hallway, leaning against the rounded edge of the door with a casual ease that did not actually help Murderbot's startled anxiety back down.

“What?” It asked. It wasn't that it hadn't heard what X had said, it just couldn't think of any appropriate response.

Crichton gestured to the roll of cloth now on the floor next to Murderbot's feet, the tail end still clutched in its numb fingers. “That used to be my shirt. You got it from my room. Next time, ask me first.”

There wasn't really any response Murderbot could think of to that, so it didn't say anything, just sat there on the side of the bed, staring.

The human's gaze visibly fell to Murderbot's wrist, the one that Murderbot had been trying all in vain to bandage. The seam was bleeding again, and so were the surrounding tissues.

Neon purple and blue blood was beading up on the surface of its skin as the mechanical parts on the inside ground together in the wrong way. Its pain dampeners were working at the moment, but that could stop at any moment, and it had wanted to get the wound bandaged before it would be in too much pain to even think about it.

Unfortunately, even though it wasn't able to actually feel the pain, that didn't mean it wasn't there. Trying to do something as simple as hold the end of the bandage roll was almost impossible. Its fingers didn't want to move, and when they did, they were either sluggish and heavy, or twitching uncontrollably.

It had taken ten solid minutes to get the roll of bandages positioned so that it could try wrapping them around its wrist with its other hand, and all that had been ruined when the human startled it.

It sighed aloud, unable to keep it internal only.

“That doesn't look good. You need any help with that?” Crichton's voice had changed tones, gentler now than it had been before.

This time Murderbot managed to keep its sigh internal. Yes, it needed help bandaging its wrist. No, it did not want the help. Especially not from a human it didn't know.

But it couldn't afford to lose any more blood than it already had. Moya was alien technology. Even if she wanted to, she wouldn't be able to help it generate the nutrients it needed to keep itself functioning.

“You can help if you promise not to touch me.” Murderbot said, agonizingly aware that its pain dampeners could switch off again any second. “I just need to bandage this to stop the bleeding.” It wasn't going to apologize for taking the bandages.

It tried to lift its injured arm off the hard surface of the table for emphasis, but couldn't actually manage to make it do anything except tingle warningly with pins and needles.

Crichton was moving forward briskly, as though X'd been waiting for just such an invitation, stooping to scoop the roll of bandages off the floor with an ease that Murderbot envied.

“What do you need me to do?” Crichton asked, winding the bandages back around the roll.

Murderbot tried to lift its injured arm again experimentally, but got the same result. It felt like its whole arm below the elbow had been physically disconnected.

It ended up having to use its other arm to awkwardly drag its hand closer to the edge so that it would be able to wrap the bandages around its wrist without the table getting in the way. Its wrist hung limply in the grasp of gravity like something dead. That was not doing anything to make Murderbot feel any better about the situation. “I'll put the bandage on, you just...” It felt like its brain was being fried. Its performance reliability was taking a nosedive. “Hold it for me.”

If it didn't get this over with soon, it was probably going to crash. And crashing in front of a strange human was the last thing on its 'Things I want to do at any point in my life' list.

With another pair of hands to hold the roll of bandages and guide them while it worked with its free hand, the process didn't take long at all. When the bandages were on as tightly as Murderbot could get them, already soaking up the mixtures of blood, Crichton used the small utility knife Murderbot had also stolen from X room to cut off the end, letting Murderbot pull it away to tuck under the edges.

“My name's John, by the way, since we haven't been properly introduced.” Crichton said, once they were done with the first aid, “My pronouns are ze/xir/xirself. I'm a human, the only one you'll find in this part of the galaxy. I breathe in oxygen, and exhale carbon dioxide. I've got a friend in here--” ze tapped xir head-- “Named Harvey. His pronouns are he/him/his/himself. The rest of the details will come up when they're important. What about you?”

Murderbot stared, bewildered by almost all parts of the statement, and the best response it could come up with was, “I thought your name was Crichton.”

Crichton—John? Smiled. “It is, Crichton is my family name. Both work fine, but I do prefer being called John. So, what should I call you? No one really got a chance to ask earlier, what with the whole hostage situation. Thanks for saving our butts, by the way.”

Murderbot wanted to think fast, but the impending systems shut down prevented that. “My pronouns are it/its/itself. My name is private but this hurts too much to think of a good alias right now.”

Its pain dampeners were starting to fail, one section at a time. The suspense was almost worse than if they'd just failed all at once.

“Fair enough. Is there anything we can do to ease the pain? Any chemicals you could use as medicine? If we don't have it we might be able to synthesize it if you're lucky. Are you hungry? I can't say we've got good food, but it's at least...half way edible. We hope.”

This was one of the many shitty things about being a construct. No one had ever given enough shits about what they felt to care about making painkillers that would work on them. “No.”

“No there's no pain medicines we could scrounge up, or no you're not hungry?”

Murderbot no longer had enough energy to uphold an entire end of a conversation. “No.”

“Alright.” John didn't seem angry at its curt reply. “I can take a hint, I'll leave you be. Is there anything I can do to help before I go, though? I mean, you did get thrown through a wall for me.” Yes, that's why Murderbot's wrist was currently trying to murder it. Being thrown through a wall, it turns out, was not a good idea if you had an unhealed injury that liked to burst into pain whenever it wanted.

But the expression on John Crichton's face was so sincere it was doing weird things to Murderbot's insides, and not just because it was about to collapse.

Why did so many humans have to care about it? This one was a complete stranger. Yes, Murderbot had shoved xir out of the way of the crashing spaceship and taken the hit itself, but that didn't mean ze needed to look at it like that. They weren't friends just because Murderbot had saved xir life.

But there was one thing ze could help with.

Murderbot summoned up its remaining strength to ask, “How do I shut the door?”

John looked over at the doorway, then back at Murderbot, then stood and strode over, pressing xir hand against a raised spot on the wall that Murderbot hadn't noticed. “You just have to press this, or ask Pilot or Moya if it doesn't work. There's one on the outside too. The lock on this door's disconnected right now because it was designed to lock from the outside, but if you want to stick around, we can get it to lock from the inside.” Ze pressed xir hand against the button, and two sections of wall slide across to close the door. Ze pressed it again, and the sections slid back into the wall again. Ze turned to smile back at Murderbot. “See? Easy peasy lemon squeazy.”

It turned out Murderbot had enough energy to roll its eyes.

John stepped out into the corridor, and reached out to the wall on that side. The door began to shut again. Right before it was closed completely, John called, “Goodnight, sunshine.”

Murderbot had no idea how to respond to that, so instead of trying to think of one, it let gravity take control and fell back against the bed. It was soft and warm and a perfect contrast to the slightest chill in the air, like it was made specifically to be comfortable.

It was part of the alien ship. Part of Moya. Probably an organic part of Moya. That was creepy. Murderbot should probably be worried about that.

But it would rather shut itself down now, voluntarily, before it had an involuntary shutdown or its pain dampeners stopped working, so it sighed out another breath, and embraced the oblivion of a voluntary shutdown.

#Farscape Murderbot Diaries crossover #The Murderbot Diaries Farscape crossover #John Crichton #Murderbot #Murderbotfanfiction #Farscapefanfiction #Rjalker reads The Murderbot Diaries #Rjalker watches Farscape #SecUnit #Nonbinary John Crichton #neopronouns in action #ze/xir #zexirpronouns #ititspronouns

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silktouchhands · 2 years ago

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i almost woke up at like 7:40 but i decided no i want to hang out its literally the weekend and so i did :] good almost noon everyone!! dude last night was awesome bo and i knocked it out of the park with that bedrockverse thread AND i got to hang out with my boyfriend.

the thread was super cool though ive been wanting to talk about this stuff for a while and ive been really scared to in case people think it doesnt fit. but I THINK it fits and i know a LOT about cranboo and whats believable and what isnt believable for his plot so we're doing it!!!!

i think for latenightmining having the translator in the pinned post and getting people to go through and translate it themselves is cool. for pressedalliums im not gonna do that since its old plot and everyone knows what happened. but because this is NEW stuff i think people should get to figure out what it says for themselves! itll be like old times :]

i also get to write enderwalk ranboo not acting like The Evil Alter stereotype is drives me crazy -m- . so this is good i get to write more for the enderwalk i havent done that in a while!!

once this whole plot segment is done ill talk over here about what i had considered doing and how i changed it and stuff ^w^ im so excited

#vwoops

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rosepetalkitty · 4 months ago

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hi hey hello please read this its important info!!

about!!!

what is this? who am i?

hi hi hi!!! finally caved and made an nsfw/kink altblog. no i will not be linking this to my main blog even if u know me there. i doubt im ever gonna post anything thats just outright sexual here bc im acespec and not really into that stuff very much but like kink is such a fun topic so that'll come up a lot. also for the record, this is not a "men dni" page but i am generally sapphic.

call me Rose if you're subby or rosie if you want me to be ^-^ my pronouns are she/her (in english) and ella (en español), i'm an 18y/o trans girl, and i've been diagnosed with adhd, autism and tourettes, among other things.

also, as of october 30th, 2024, i am a voice actress!!! my audios are posted on my reddit page!!! i don't do commissions (yet!) but im happy to take suggestions, so if you have an idea, shoot me an ask!!

all of my links (including the one to my Discord server!!!) are on my website, check it out!

and uhhh dunno what else i was gonna say. plspls send me asks i love the attention!!! i'll leave anons on until it becomes a problem~ anyways uh yeah! enjoy!

please read below the break for more information, especially if you plan on interacting with this blog!!

where you can reach me:

here, obviously, though tumblr dms are pretty bad. on the bright side this is like zero effort. you're on tumblr, im on tumblr, yay

simplex! you can click that link to add me, and if you don't have simplex it'll explain to you how to set it up, which is super duper easy. it's really really great privacy wise!! i would very much appreciate it if you send me a tumblr dm telling me your simplex display name so that i know who's who.

discord. my discord tag is the same as my url here. i do prefer simplex over discord though (mostly cuz i don't switch discord accounts on my phone bcuz it's a pain, and also bcuz of the privacy thing)

here are some posts that are significant to me for one reason or another

this blog is a persona, a ranty short essay about identity, emotional freedom, masking and what it really means to know Me

my first real audio post!! oh my goddess this was so exciting!!!

on fear regarding human domestication guide, and on my hope to someday overcome it

regarding my roommate, myrrh

as of writing (2024-11-08), myrrh (murmur unless you have been given permission to use the prior! check baa pinned before interacting with bah!) and i are now comfortable interacting on tumblr. this is awesome because discussing kink as an interest is great and ba's my bestie, but i need to make this incredibly clear:

we are strictly platonic! we are not dating, we are not fwb, we do not do any kinky or sexual stuff together at all and never will. we chat about kink and sometimes make jokes about it at each other's expense, but we are friends who live together, not partners. do not insinuate otherwise, it makes both of us very uncomfortable.

as of writing (2024-12-06), myrrh and i are dating. funny how that happens.

An important note about dominance...

If you're exclusively a dom(me) you can skip this, otherwise I would appreciate it if you could at least skim it.

i do not like the expectation that i will be dominant at any given time, but I do enjoy showing some dominance sometimes, in some situations. I do enjoy being a brat, when I'm not already feeling really subby but want to be put in my place.

Hell, I do enjoy hypnotizing people. A lot, actually. I've been a hypnotist (in both a purely for fun way and occasionally a kink way depending on the person) for a relatively large number of people over the past several years, including in person for a handful of people, though much less so in the past year or so. I even make files now, and it's really really fun.

The problem is, I get burnt out very quickly if I force myself to be dominant when my brain isn't just doing it spontaneously. How do I know? In past relationships my partners saw me as a switch, and expected me to dominate them at least as much as they dominated me. I really can't do that. My dominance is as much within my control as my hyperfixations — I can make good use of it when it's there, but when it's not there there's nothing I can do to force it, and trying to do so inevitably leads to stress, exhaustion and burnout. I also very much tend towards submission. I think of my default state as being submissive towards domme-aligned people who I trust. My dominance comes out with certain people some of the time.

One of my lovely partners, my Mistress @enchantress-arc (who, obviously, is much more of a domme than I am), often talks about what she describes as "blood in the water," where she'll suddenly go from her usual mood of "lightly and casually dominant but mostly just hanging out" to "super dominant and excited to break someone" after something small triggers it, like a sub calling her by an honorific in a certain tone, or a different domme showing off a shared sub. That effect applies to me too, and I love it as a way to describe my own dominance. There are certain things, like my beautiful blossom calling me by the honorific I've given her in the right tone, that occasionally trigger a ton of dominance. Most of the time, however, that's not the case.

For all of these reasons and more, please understand that I am not able to be dominant whenever I want, for whoever I want, in whatever way I want. This shouldn't even have to be said, but do not DM me expecting dominance.

I'm currently debating opening up paid sessions as an option, but I'm still figuring out whether I'll really be able to do those consistently. If I ever decide to start doing that in the future, there will be a post about it.

some notes for the page!

if ive tagged a post with #pull my trigger! then that means im ok with ppl playing with my brain in the notes!! otherwise, please just message me directly. im always okie with dms.

posts with #mean rosie on them have me teasing/messing with/bullying (in a /lh way) other people~ don't ask me to do this to you unless it's like a reblog responding to me doing that to you or smth. i don't usually enjoy showing dominance like that. sometimes im just the flavor of brat that likes to tease people. other times i do kinda feel a little bit dominant but. meh. even then ill pretty much always slip down into good girl mode on the spot if anyone shows any dominance towards me, usually even more so than i would normally.

posts tagged #angel rosie are ones that make me really happy~

#rosie rambles and #rosie rants go on serious/out of theme posts, with the latter being for emotionally heavy ones

#rosie speaks goes on all my audios~

plspls ask me about my triggers, my kinks, etcetc!!! i love getting told to answer questions >w<

dni list

any adult is free to view my page. minors, please leave. im serious. that said, there are certain things that will get you blocked from interacting with my page, so if your blog falls into any of these categories please kindly just look, don't touch.

agepl@y

terfs, and anyone else who doesn't think trans women are women

s!ssy, crossdressing and detrans themed pages. i have nothing against you for liking that stuff, but it makes me really uncomfortable because of some past experiences. please dni.

blank blogs, no age in bio or pinned, blogs that seem to just be spam reblogging everything, etc. sometimes this is case by case — "18+" is usually not chill, but "20s" or "30s" usually is. if you have nothing at all that's a nope. having a pfp is important, by the way.

blogs that just spam ai generated pictures. im sure youre chill, but ai pictures take the humanity out of your blog and frankly just look bad. posting one here or there on an otherwise human blog is thin ice, but i care a little less when there's other content too, as long as your other content is good.

my kinks, my limits my triggers

obviously im very very into hypnosis, especially intelligence play (aka dumbification), especially especially when there are bimbo themes involved. im also into everything on this list (in no particular order), but its definitely not exhaustive because theres things ive never tried before. please try new things on me!

light/medium bondage

pet play (as a kitty or a bunny, totes open to others but those are ones i luv)

spanking and other light pain, including light scratching/marking

being groped

praise and degradation, especially when its condescending

gentle doms (not that other styles are bad, but gentle+manipulative+condescending+possessive is my favorite)

other people picking my clothes

physical affection (headpats, scritchies, cuddles, kisses)

medical play (very specifically anesthesia, limited interest in other parts of it)

gaslighting

exhibitionism (especially when im being shown off)

behavior modification (especially clicker training!)

edging and denial

i have a voice kink for certain types of voices. generally my favorites are deep femme voices with really soft tones that get sharp to add emphasis to certain words like "drop" or "now". i also sometimes like higher softer masc voices, but deep or rough masc voices make me uncomfortable most of the time. if you want me to give you examples of hypnotists on the internet whose files i like, please send an ask or dm me.

when im in control (especially when it's about my audios!!!), i love being told how i make you feel, what you think of me, etc, so go on, feed my ego ;)

sooo yeah!! next are my soft limits — things i don't necessarily love but can tolerate in an otherwise fun context. please ask before acting on these because i would generally prefer to avoid them.

hypno audios narrated by text to speech — most of them are just grating and i can't relax with them.

"brainwashing" files that are just someone saying the same thing over and over with no induction or deepener or triggers or anything to put me under. i need to be in trance before that stuff does anything.

"hypnosis audios" that have loud music, or where the script is turned into a song. i've heard it done well maybe once or twice, i've heard it done wrong a million times.

hypnosis content as long form videos, especially when i need to read text in the video. my eyes get exhausted from staring at a screen for too long. i really really prefer audio, and text is good too, but videos longer than a couple minutes are rough.

and finally, here are my hard limits. please don't bring these things up. full stop. these are non-negotiable.

everything on my dni list

the drugs haloperidol/haldol, lorazepam/ativan and promethazine/phenergan

heavy pain

blood, knives/sharps, heavy scratching/marking

being asked/"forced" (i can and will block you if you're pushy) to send pictures or videos. audio is a hard maybe and very much depends on dysphoria at that moment and vibes. but yeah pictures and videos are a no-go.

being sent dick pics. please don't. im not into that. other pics are probably fine as long as you're chill.

extended degradation with no praise (i start having genuine self image issues past a certain point - i like being degraded, having my behavior changed, and then being praised as a reinforcement mechanism)

intox play, especially alcohol and weed. it scares me because of some past experiences. this is specifically about being intoxicated in the traditional sense (drunk/high), so like for example being sedated is something im cool with (and actually love the idea of)

feeding kink stuff

and here are some of my hypnotic triggers, in no particular order

"brain goes bye bye" melts my brain and makes it really hard to think

"control goes bye bye" takes control of my brain and my body away so that i just do as im told

"memories go bye bye" makes it really hard to remember anything for a while, which mostly just shuts my brain off. these first three are all from Miss Lilith, i love her files~ <3

"sleep" and "drop" both put me under, to varying degrees of success. might take multiple uses to really take me down deep, and really everything works better with a snap

"good girl" makes me happy and a tiny bit more obedient

"look here", "listen" and "focus" draw in my attention and make it hard to look away from/ignore whatever is being shown/said to me. they also usually make me more suggestible.

"lightning" makes me feel weak and dazed and when im like that "thunder" puts me under and gets me really floaty and fuzzy

i have a lot more, im just not remembering them all right now. theres probably dozens in my brain from all the files ive conditioned myself with over the years

#rosie rambles #pull my trigger!

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olyve-oyle · 1 year ago

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Best new bands IMO

I felt like I was getting in one of those "there are no good bands anymore" funks so here's the remedy

These are the bands that formed around or post 2010 that I think are really good

Powerplant is a fairly popular synth punk typed band that I really love, I've listened to three or four of these albums. They're very technically skilled and the music sounds great. Its got at times a dreamy surreal quality and its very cool. I really recommend them.

Gee Tee has many releases and a few of these are compilation albums that include a huge number of other bands I would love to learn more about including an Abba cover by Prison Affair which actually really works. Their sound is pretty reminiscent of a lot of the classic punk favorites while still being creative and refreshing. Lot of energy, lot of power, perfect amount of distortion. Good Night Neanderthal is a good listen.

Lost system only has a few releases but both are absolutely worth listening to in my opinion. Its great post punk with such an interesting sound. And its often very lyrically astute. Interestingly enough they also toured with protomartyr back in 2016

Which is another of my personal favorite new bands (well newish, formed in 2010 which I consider new)

Protomartyr is a little hard to pin genre wise which is great. They have frequently intellectual artistic lyrics and a sound that is at times closer to post punk and in some albums very punk sounding, albeit still with a darker sound that doesn't at all resemble more boppy punk bands. They just released a new album (if this post gets one like I will post pictures of the album inserts and an in depth review) I really really recommend them.

Advoids have just started releasing music but its awesome stuff thats very experimental and interesting, not at all formulaic. Incredibly worth listening to especially if you're finding everything else boring.

I'm maybe biased with these guys because I saw them live, but if super intellectual stuff is not filling the void then this is great. Fast paced, punk metal fusion, more like grindcore than crossover thrash but with a more distinct beat. Very over the top and tons of fun.

Last but not least: local! Also biased because I saw them live ofc (and because I know at least one member of the band is a very nice person) but besides that they're a great thrash band with a lot of technical skill that makes fun, heavy music.

Honorable mentions (these aren't less good I just have heard less and know less about them)

Most recently I heard about this band from an account for another band online. I've only listened to a few of their songs so far but they're pretty cool its got a gothic sound that also has metal influence as far as I can hear. At least the last album reminded me a bit of specimen at times. I'm going to keep listening and form a more solid opinion

This is a band I found out about in 2020 but completely lost track of afterward. Its got a cool sound with a lot of influences and I remember really enjoying it although I dont remember much about it anymore. I'd like to pick it back up

I believe that this band is semi popular currently. I first heard them in 2020 around the same time I got into protomartyr, but never really followed up until a friend loaned me their copy of bright green field this year. They're definitely a great band and I think very popular among people who enjoy protomartyr or other similar bands.

I definitely don't know everything about these bands so if anyone wants to give me more relevant information that would be nice.

Anyway that concludes this post because I can't add any more images

#music #new bands #local #I don't know why I made this

0 notes

taoistyuri · 2 years ago

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ok so @arkmage-goat

youtube

necromantic, its a touhou fansong. i want to emphasize this because its a fan song its not real or actually accurate to the source. anyways we all love the funny doki doki waku waku. i find it funny how people think of it like "omg shipping time OwO" when liek dog are you listening to the same lyrics and words as me because if its about any love, its a disgusting one, a manipulative one that hinges on the other party having a lack of free will and the party who does manipulating and hurting the other...literally the lyrics are like this are you insa

ANYWAYS.

ACTUAL TOUHOU TIME.

to start things, this is really just a remix of a song in game: desire drive!

youtube

its really good, so no wonder a banger gave birth to another banger. this is the stage 4 theme of touhou 13: ten desires, where we meet...

the bastard herself! seiga kaku! she is my favorite touhou character.

she is a hermit, which means she has extended her life span and is over 1000 years old now. she is titled a 'wicked hermit' due to her immoral actions making heaven say she's fucked up and they dont want her. she does things for her own benefit really. shes actually pretty friendly and nice, but like i said she just acts on her own will and not considering others. she has the power to walk through walls by chiseling a hole in them with her hair pin. also, she liearned about christmas and started dressing up as santa claus to steal people's personal items and sell them back to the victims, which is unrelated here but i find it really funny.

but, what in the world makes her wicked?

well in my opinion... its her lack of regard towards the morals and humanity of other people, in regards to death. see, she revives corpses as jiang shi to do her bidding. who is her most favoritest guy?

yoshika miyako! her jiang shi. she is meant to guard the cemetary that where she is supposed to be guarding is built on top of. unlike what some fandom behavior acts, she is very aware of being a zombie and has good humor about it too, and she isnt entirely "stupid," but she does have bad memory and forgets important stuff (such as even who seiga is or what she is supposed to be doing) because her brain is rotting. you know because shes a dead corpse and all. the talisman on her forehead has seiga's list of what she wants yoshika to do. also, she did have yaknow, a life beforehand, but we dont know about very much.

i could go on a tangent here about yoshika and my thoughts/headcanon about it but i wont because i am on limited time..

seiga seems to take good care of yoshika, treats her well enough. calls her cute and good. she helps her with stretches (because yoshika cant move good. you know because shes a dead corpse and all) and also has an anti-decomposition spell on her. the reason i think seiga really does care about yoshika is because of that actually, because it is implied that seiga has other jiang shi around, and it is stated that jiang shi decompose quickly and will die off when that happens.

so yeah, people saw a list of things in their minds... to combine all thsi information into being like time to make this song (and healthy dash of whatever their headcanons led to this point)

so yeah! heres your little dump.

also, i know you have played the touhou fighting games ark, so seiga is an ally of toyosatomimi no miko and her fellow taoists (mononobe no futo and soga no tojiko).

miko and futo are in the fighting games ! also miko has an awesome cape... and also btw she is pretty much canon transgender. not like actually stated but the type where you have to do stupid mental gymnastics of things not even stated in canon to be like "no shes not >:("

umm anyways yah doki doki waku waku am i right

they were insaaaane for making necromantic like they were like lets make the most banger song about a manipulative bitch

#*#long post #Youtube

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macomico · 2 years ago

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I've always wanted to learn how to draw bigger people but I often only find tutorials for like muscular men with six-packs and stuff so I was wondering if you have any tips or tutorials or something because the way you draw both men and women has me in a chokehold ahshdj they all look so good and soft and like they'd give the best hugs!!!

aww thank you so much! 💖🤧 and i can definitely help you my dear, i've been in the same spot as you - its really hard to find good references of fat bodies without encountering heavily edited pictures or ads about how to loose weight. you really need to have luck or know people who can help you. but ur in luck, i got some pointers for you >:)

Look for pictures of athletes, preferably of sports that require body mass such as rugby, american football, any throw sport (shot put, discus, hammer, javelin), wrestlers commonly have some body fat on them, POWER LIFTERS. I would avoid (fashion) models because the pictures are often edited heavily and thus warp your perceiption of fat distribution, but they're not too bad for ordinary fullbody poses, so we gotta work with what we got. I have a pin board i made for myself with various bodytypes, consisting of athletes and plus size models that i hope can help you!

What really helped me to really emulate and portray mass on bodies is simply drawing rounded shapes (NOT circles. rather egg/soft trapezoid shapes, overlapping with each other). Fat stacks ONTO your muscles, it will make everything rounder and softer. You can play with the shapes to create different fat distribution. Here is a post from hometownrockstar on tumblr about this topic thats very insightful with sketches explaining everything.

Morpho: Fat and Skin Folds: Anatomy for Artists by Michel Lauricella. this book is the holy grail i swear. i finally purchased a real copy of the book not too long ago and i use translucent paper and simply trace the sketches from the book for practice and its a GODSENT. definitely worth an investment. I previously only owned it as a pdf, which i will gladly send to anyone who sends me a dm or an ask :) for copyright reasons i wont distribute it openly. and zlibrary recently got shut down so lmfao we gotta help each other out

Drawing from life! there's this awesome site with homemade photographic references for artists of fat bodies called fat photo ref. you'll need to ask for admittance via email but they usually respond fairly quickly, took 2-3 days for me. :) its all organized in tags so you can quickly sort and browse.

Hope this helps! <3

#have fun and remember practice makes perfect :P <333 #askbox #anonymous #ok to reblog

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bonny-kookoo · 4 years ago

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Delicate (JJK x Reader) 🐾💜☁️🔞

🧶Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

🧶Genre: hybrid!AU, Tsundere (slightly), Fluff, a bit of Angst, smut

🧶Warnings: Jungkook is a brat, Catboy!Jungkook, He basically hates everyone but his kitten, HUman! Reader, Wet dream, masturbation, big dick! Kook but whats new, Sweet reader, Spanking (and not on her butt if you know what I mean), Rough handjob (fem. Rec), doggy style, Desperate koo, overstimulation, forced orgasm, multiple orgasm, slightly angsty moment, but nothing bad lol, confessions, basically owner/Hybrid to lovers lol

🧶Summary: Jungkook does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Changing for you might be harder than he initially thought- but maybe he doesn't even need to. Maybe you'll love him just for who he actually is.

Jungkook was a maine coon hybrid. He's been at the shelter for years now, adopted just to be returned a week later, every time. He's got serious additude problems, thinks way too highly of himself, is just overall too much to handle. He knows that. But that doesn't mean he wants to change.

No, he actually actively decides to be a dick. Simply irritating others is like some sort of game for him, feeding his ego to no ends whenever someone gives up on him. It's like he's winning.

Jungkook loves winning.

It all however, changes as soon as he spots you. You're small, and not in a sense of short- no, you actually look like a doll to him. So delicate, so adorable, Jungkook can't help but stare with wide, green cateyes. His pupils are contracted as if you're too bringt for them to handle, yet its only the amount of sudden emotions that's making them look like that. As soon as you turn around, spotting him, smiling at him, they widen like the moon itself; making the cat-hybrid next to him wave a hand in front of his face, since he completely blocked out the fact that the older hybrid was talking to him. He irritatedly swishes his hand away, ears now perked up as his fluffy tail twitches every second or so. He can hear your voice, soft and sweet, and he's whipped already.

Jungkook wants you.

He stands up suddenly, completely dismissing the hybrid that he'd conversed with earlier, as he walks over to you, who's standing in front of another area filled with dog hybrids. He scrunches his nose in disgust; you don't need one of those mutts, you need him. He stops a footstep away from you, and the worker sighes as you look up at the hybrid. "Oh, thats Jungkook-" he explains. "He's one of our problem cases, so I wouldn't really reccomend him for you." He explains, and Jungkooks brows furrow. Who the fuck does he think he is, calling him a problem case? He knows its true, but that doesn't mean he can just say that out loud to anyone, especially not you. How's he supposed to gain your trust now?

You smile, now visibly a little intimitated. Jungkook knows why, knows that his physique is pretty much yelling strength and confidence. He suddenly gets an idea, and decides to try it out. No hurt in playing around a little.

So he lets his ears droop, and slowly walks back towards the corner of the room, simply sitting down there before flopping to his side, huffing out a breath as if exhausted. He hoped it works, otherwise he's pulling this stunt without reason, making a fool of himself for nothing. But it seems as if it works, slowly, because he can spot your now slightly worried eyes watching him as the worker leads you along, to meet some other dog hybrids. He knows he's got you. He just has to wait.

Jungkook loves taking naps.

And this time, it helped time pass by easily, as he suddenly smells your fabric softener again, as he can hear the worker try and talk you out of it. He can feel you behind him as he'd rolled around on his spot to face the wall, and he visibly shudders as your hand touches his tail. He turns around slowly, tired eyes spotting you squatting down close to his back, as he sits up. He looks at you curiously, and you suddenly smile, leaning your head slightly to the side, your earrings dangling prettily from your ears as he can't look away. You're even prettier up close and personal like this. "So, you're Jungkook?" You ask, and he forgets to answer for a moment, nods after he notices the awkward silence, as he blushes. You giggle, and sit down properly, obviously intending to get to know him more.

Good.

He sits properly as well, not saying anything, as you ask away. "They said you're quite the troublemaker." You amusedly state, and Jungkook suddenly has the urge to roll his eyes. He doesn't however, knowing all his acting would've been for nothing if he slipped now. So he simply looks down, his ears slightly bend backwards as he scratches his neck. "But I think you're just a bit rough around the edges." You explain, and his eyes move, looking at you as you continue. "Like a diamond, you know? They need to be handled carefully, and then they turn into the prettiest things." You say, and he already decides he loves your voice. He carefully answers.

"You think so?"

He can see the surprise in your face, it's to be expected. His tone doesn't fit his current act at all, but he can't change that. But you smile, nodding, and he internally sighs at that, at the fact that you simply accepted that. "Look-" You suddenly say, pulling out your phone and showing him a balcony, with pretty flowers blooming. You swipe, and it shows what he assumes is your apartment. It's small, he notices, but for some reason it looks more inviting than any place he'd ever been to. It looks cozy, well taken care of, and a tad bit unruled; it looks like a home. His eyes sparkle with actual genuine interest. "We could put some blankets here, the sun shines there nicely throughout the day, so you could take some awesome naps there-" You explain, and his ears perk into your direction at that. "Oh, and during the summer you can always stay on the balcony- its really nice there when its hot you know? The cool breeze is nice." You say, and suddenly notice how he's looking at you, expecting something. "I mean-" You stutter suddenly, locking your phone and growing a bit shy at him being so close to you. You have to admit; he's really handsome. "Only if you want to come with me, that is." You ask, and he suddenly nods.

Jungkook would love to come home with you.

That was a year ago, and your home slowly became his own home as well, more perfect than those photos could ever convey.

As you walk around the apartment, he notices how you carry some of your own stuff into another room- smaller than the original bedroom. At his confused glance, you scratch the back of your neck, right where he knows your scent is strongest, and he gets the urge to bury his nose into the spot. "Oh! I just uhm.. last night you slept in front of my door, so I thought you may want to change rooms? You're bigger than me, so you need more space, i think?" You say, and he shakes his head with a soft smile, walking up to you and stopping you in your tracks.

"N-No.. Actually, I wanted to ask you something." He wonders, now not looking at you anymore, as you look up at his eyes. "I uhm.." He starts, swallowing some saliva to finally get the words out. "I was wondering if I could sleep in your room."

Its quiet for a moment, and he grows anxious at this, thinking that he had just overstepped some boundary he didn't know of yet. "Like- I mean, I get lonely during the night, and you said once that you need to hug something to sleep well and maybe you could hug me and we would safe costs for heating because two people are warmer than just one and-" He rambles on, and you put your hands on his shoulders, making him shut up in the midst of talking. Your touch does that to him, most of the time. It's like magic, addicting, and he can't help but swallow again, now however not because of fear.

"You should've said something sooner, silly!" You say, reaching up to scratch his ear, which involuntarily makes him purr as he presses against your hand. "Of course you can. Don't worry so much, kookie." You say, and he smiles at this, happy that he was finally closer to you.

Jungkook is such a sweet cat, in your eyes. He's gentle, always so ready to help you with whatever problem you have, lending you a hand with household chores; he's truly the perfect hybrid at your side.

So, so sweet.

Scratch that.

Jungkook was currently eyeing your best friend down, ears pinned back while his fluffy tail was standing tall, agression clear in his entire posture. "Wow, ok. What's with him?" Yoongi asks, unsure on what exactly was going on. Maybe it was Hoesok's scent on him that agitated him? But he couldn't know for sure. Instead of you however, Jungkook answered in his low voice, clearly offended by something. He doesn't klnow why this always happens.

"Don't talk like I'm not here, asshole." He spits out, and your eyes widen. Jungkook was such a sweet guy around you, it was hard to imagine this was actually happening time and time again. He was watching Yoongi with careful eyes, pupils contracted to slits as his greenish eyes pin the older man down with their stare. He's cautious, and you don't quite know about what, until Yoongi makes the mistake of reaching out for you.

Before so much as his fingertips can reach you, Jungkook has already jumped from his spot, shoving the shorter man back with so much force he almost falls into the small coffee table behind him. "Jungkook!" You exclaim scandalized, as he turns around at your tone of voice. Looking at your posture, taking in your scent, he can sense immediately that you're scared, confused, and he hates it. "Apologize." You demand, and Jungkook shakes his head, unwavering, before you sigh out, pointing towards the bedroom door. "Then get inside. And don't come out until I say so." You say, and his ears pin themselves back again, however his shoulders slump down as well, visibly deflating. He's actually sorry now- but it's too late to force himself to apologize to Yoongi; that intruder who's clearly here to claim territory. "Now." You say, and Jungkook suddenly breaks eye contact with you, letting himself be defeated for the first time since he was adopted.

For some reason, your voice hangs heavy on his muscles, heavier than any collar ever hung around his neck.

He hates this. He hates that he has to give up the fight to this complete stranger just because you said so; yet he can't will himself to go against your will. He wants to stay, he wants to be good, but he cant help but grow hostile with another guy in the same apartment as you. It's as if he's giving you up, and that's definitely not what he wants to do. But its ultimately whats happening.

And he hates it.

Jungkook isn't a sweet kitty. He's an untamed tiger, just simply agreeing on living with you, and that has become very apparent these months. He likes to pick on you, and loves to make a mess. There's nothing left of the oh so sweet and caring catboy you adopted a year ago, but it somehow doesn't bother you. You know that he was eager to get out of the shelter, and that he had been pretending for long enough.

This was Jungkooks true nature, and you were okay with that.

He was a bit of a brat, throwing down objects placed by you whenever you weren't home, simply to show you his unhappiness about that fact. He knew that you had to work, but that didn't mean that he liked it.

He also had a major enemy now.

Seokjin across the street, Namjoons prized silver labrador hybrid, or so he calls him. He's handsome, you have to admit, but Jungkook can't see anything visually appealing about the mutt. He hates him with a passion, and its quite possibly because of his very flirty nature, especially towards you. Jungkook wasn't talented in that department, he rather enjoyed picking on you than complimenting you. Compliments got boring after a while. Calling you shorty and watching you struggle to reach the highest shelf would never get old to him, however.

He likes to call Seokjin a rat for his grey features, just to see him get all offended, and he doesn't care much that you always scold him for it. He likes to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and he's been testing you long enough to somehow know when the fun is over. He'd never intentionally hurt you, emotionally nor physically, but that doesn't mean he can't pick on you now and then.

Its his own way of showing affection. You just don't quite get it, it seems.

Its when you leave for a late night business gathering to celebrate the company's anniversary that he breaks. He simply pretends to be asleep as he waits for you to leave, simply peeking at your dress though almost closed eyes, and he wishes he didn't do it. Your scent is driving him crazy already, yet you were always careful to cover up around him, seemingly conscious about him and the fact that he is, apart from his cat side, still a young man. He wont ever be able to burn that image of your perfect legs in that perfect little dress out of his mind now that he's seen it. And its the kiss you place on his cheek that pushes him over the edge, makes him struggle to stay composed until he can hear the front door close shut.

He whines out, turning around on the bed as he buries his face into the sheets, into the spot that's usually occupied by your form. It still smells like you; not like you when you try to use perfume, which he hates, but your unmasked smell he absolutely loves. It fills his senses, makes him squirm on the mattress as he turns, bunching the sheets between his legs as he begins to hump into nothing, the friction of the bed sheets enough to rile him up as he bites the pillow your head usually rests on. He can see it in front of him vividly like a dream he's experiencing right in that moment. You, laid out underneath him, his teeth not clamping down on fabric but your delicate skin, making such wonderful noises as he takes you like the good and sweet girl you are for him. How enticingly you would mewl, arching your back as he guides his leaking cock inside you, stretching you out as his hands would hold you close, keep you upright so you wont just smash onto the mattress onto your face. He curses as he picks up his pace, simple movement not enough anymore as his hand reaches down, frustratingly palming his impatient erection hidden underneath his sweatpants as his dream continues, showing him how you would say his name, breathlessly, as you would look over your shoulder.

Then it shifts, as his mind is suddenly focusing on your face. Would you be into giving him head? Oh god, if you would, he knows he wouldn't be able to last; with your innocent eyes, kneeled in front of him, so eagerly taking his cock he couldn't help but cum inside your throat. And he knows you would be such a good kitten, you would swallow him down prettily, and he would praise you so good. "Hnng, fuck..!" He exclaims, as he writhes on top of the sheets, messing everything up, but he doesn't care.

He never really thought about that weird missionary position humans liked, but he could actually see the appeal of it, if he was doing it with you. To be able to see every change of your features, how your soft lips would part in pleasure as he fills you up like you should be, oh it would be a sight for him to see. His eyes squeeze shut as he turns his head, groaning loudly as he almost sobs brokenly into the pillow, feeling his release stain the fabric of his sweats uncomfortably. But he doesn't care, as he sniffles, breathing heavily before he chuckles.

"Fuck, I'm pathetic."

Can hybrids outgrow their owners?

It certainly feels like it. Jungkook has been growing more and more distant to you, and you feel as if its your own fault. You must've done something wrong, you assume, as he distances himself more and more not only from you, but everyone else as well. He doesn't pick up a fight with Seokjin anymore, hell, he even let Yoongi inside yesterday. And you try to push back your tears as you walk inside the living room, where he's currently sitting, watching the window, tail lazily swaying softly. Maybe the apartment really was too small for him- you've head your neighborly lady complain recently about that when she saw him through the window. Maybe you weren't the right person for him.

"Jungkookie?" You carefully ask, as you see his tail twitch, a sign that he noticed you. "We need to talk." You start, and he gets up, ready to leave the room.

"Well I don't want to though, your bad." He responds, and you reach for his hand, as he whips his head around, ready to bite an answer out, but he spots something in your gaze that makes him stop in his tracks.

"We need to.. I can't- I can't make that decision for you, we need to talk about where you wanna go." His brows furrow as he tries to figure out what you're implying, a weird feeling in his gut telling him that it's something he wont like at all. "I want you to be happy, even if its not with me kookie." You sigh out, and he connects the dots, suddenly realizing what you're saying.

"Ho- wait no no-" His eyes widen, and you look at him as he shakes his head at you, suddenly defensive. "You want to give me away?!" He barks out, bushy tail behind him angrily whipping from one side to the other. "I don't want to! You said this is my home, you can't make me leave!" He spits at you, and you grow confused.

"But-" You start. "You've been so uncomfortable around me Kook, it's okay if you don't want to live with me anymore, really. Namjoon said that sometimes Hybrids outgrow their owners-" You say, but Jungkooks eyes glint angrily.

"Namjoon doesn't know shit!" He yells, and you shut up at that. "I don't want to go, I won't ever go!" He finalizes, and you are on your last leg. He's completely confusing you at this point.

"Then tell me what I'm supposed to do! You're clearly not comfortable around me anymore, what am I supposed to do?!" You yell back, voice by far not as strong as his, but it riles him up enough that he snaps.

"There's nothing you can do about my fucking hormones giving me wet dreams about you like a teenager!" He says, and your eyes widen, making his ears grow red in shame. "There, I said it. Want me to spell it out? I want to fuck you, there you go!" He says, throwing his hands in the air for good measure as he breathes heavily, giving both of you a moment to process his confession. He suddenly grows more quiet, more calm, his voice in no way as harsh and loud as before. "No.. no that's not right." He admits, and comes to conclusion that its now or never. "I want to hold you at night like a lover does, not just a hybrid and his owner. I want you to see me as a partner, not just as a pet." he states, gaze falling downwards as his ears flop to the sides, tail unmoving behind him.

"I never saw you as just a pet, Koo." You say, and he perks up at that, as you walk closer to him, hugging him closely, as he stands a bit awkwardly, before deciding to hug you back. "I didn't want to take advantage of you." You say, and he grows hopeful.

"Does that mean you.. like me like that?" He asks, and you nod into his chest.

Making him grin like an idiot.

Its after this moment that things slowly change a bit. He's still picking on you whenever he can, but he's also being awfully suggestive ever since your talk. Its like he wants to know what runs your gears more clearly these days, as he's making sure to flaunt his post workout body every now and then just to see you turn red at the sight.

He loves how he makes you shy.

Its you however, who breaks him first.

The day he can't keep his hands off of you is the day the spider in your shower decided to jump down on you, scaring the life out of your body as you screach in horror, fleeing the scene in nothing but a towel as you safe yourself into the bedroom, where Jungkook had been taking a nap before hearing your scream. He's ready to laugh at you, until he notices the towel barely hanging onto what you hold against your chest, skin still slightly damp as only your hair is still dry. He can't help himself anymore. "Hm.. how about I get your mind off of that scary little insect?" He humms from behind you, and you open your mouth to retort a snappy remark, but you don't get that far.

He's already behind you, his legs placing themselves next to yours on the bed as he hooks his own over yours, spreading your legs for him as he takes the bits of towel out of your hands, making it fall to the sides, revealing your body to him, at last. He can't help but lick his lips at the sight he gets from over your shoulder, purring loudly as he licks at your neck, finally getting a taste of you; and it's energizing, like a drug, making a shiver run through his spine as his tail twitches behind him in pleasure. You gasp out loud as he bites down, hand reaching between your legs to move his middle and ring finger inside your already wettening center, making him groan. "So ready.." He muses, loving the sounds you make, as he obnoxious noise of squelching from the wettness between your legs with every movement of his fingers fills the room. You struggle to close your legs at the sensation, but he doesn't let you; instead gently hitting your cunt as if to put you back into place, while he groans. "Bad girl. This is mine, isn't it?" He asks, and you can't answer for a moment. "This-" He says, his hand forcefully coming down onto your pussy again, as you squeal from it. "Is mine, isn't it?" He asks again, and you nod over and over again, making him smile. "That's right. And I do what I want with it." He says, before he pumps his fingers in and out at a relentless pace, uncaring of the mess he's making as you squirm and mewl in his lap. He loves this, loves how the sounds he imagined you making can't ever compare to what he's currently hearing. He has to take you.

He removes his hand, undressing himself impatiently as he turns you over for him, behind presented to him as he licks his lips again. "So pretty." He praises, and pumps his length once, twice, before he enters your smooth center, already feeling as if he's in heaven. "I promise I-" He starts, but has to moan out as you clench around him particularly hard. "I promise I'll be gentle next time-" He says, before his palms find your breasts, kneading them in his palms as he kisses along your spine. "But I need you." He whines out, making you huff out a breath as you look over your shoulder, just like he imagined. "Fuck!" He presses out, skin against skin one of the many sounds apart from your heavy breathing and shared sounds of pleasure inside the room, spider long forgotten as you suddenly arch your back into him. "My kitten's gonna cum? Hm?" He asks, and a cute moan is all he gets- all he needs, as you try to get up a bit more, making him push your neck into the pillows below, careful to let you breath as your cheek is what meets the fabric below, his other hand brushing away your hair lovingly, so that he can watch you come undone. "So sweet, so submissive.." He humms out, as he dips down, your back against his chest as he kisses underneath your earlobe, amusement clear in his voice. "Such a cute little whore for me, my sweetest princess, so beautiful.." He praises, and you moan out obscenely as you come, his pace never stopping once. "You're gonna have to-" He says, moving more desperately now to reach his own peak. "You're gonna have to take it baby." He presses out, holding your hips as he forces them onto him with more strength, making you whine in overstimulation. "Almost there- there we go-" He exclaims, uncaringly rubbing your clit between your legs as you shiver violently underneath him, second orgasm hitting you so quickly that your body can't seem to prepare itself as you feel wetness escape you, making him groan loudly. "What a good girl, look at that- ah!" He exclaims, pushing himself as deep as he can as you feel him spurt his load inside you, finally stopping, finally calming down.

"Jungkook?" You ask out of breath, as he simply holds you close, still buried inside of you, falling to the side as he buries his nose in between the crook of your neck.

"Hmm.. no, lets stay like that.." He humms sleepily, and you simply close your eyes, agreeing to his statement.

Jungkook is not a sweet cat- but he certainly has his moments.

"Kitten?" He asks, as he notices you being weirdly quiet next to him on the couch, now noticing the tears on your cheeks. "You're such a crybaby!" He laughs, as he wipes away your tears with his sweater sleeve, making you pout.

"Not fair." You mumble out, and he simply chuckles, placing a kiss ontop of your nose.

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