#IT'S YURI ON ICE ALL OVER AGAIN HELP

[misteria247]

ME ON A FRIDAY NIGHT NOT TOTALLY READING ABOUT GAY SWIMMERS FROM A SPORTS ANIME CURRENTLY AT THIS TIME NOPE ABSOLUTELY NORMAL HERE IN THIS HOUSEHOLD

[yoonieper]

For the Birds— Part 4 | JJK

I want you to stay even though you don’t want me.

♡ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (feat. Yuri) 

♡ Genre: angst, smut, future fluff!

♡ Rated: R for Regret

♡ Series Warnings: Lots of smut (not always healthy), cheating, discussions of depression, this series includes Jk in a pretty toxic environment, degradation (not the sexy kind), manipulation, and overall Jk being in an emotionally abusive situation!

♡ Chapter Warnings: panic attack, lots of bad self-deprecating thoughts, repressed Jungkook makes an appearance once again, masturbation (m + f), use protection (!!!), public sex, oral (m + f receiving), koo is a bj virgin, fingering, unprotected sex (be smart!)

♡ Word Count: 37.9k

♡ Summary: As the son of the CEO at Golden Tech, a marriage was arranged in the name of business. Jungkook really tried to make the most of his situation and be the best husband he could be, but no matter how much he tried, his wife just doesn’t seem to want him. Then you… you came into his life and his eyes couldn’t help but wander.

♡ Now Playing: Liquor by Chris Brown— see masterlist for playlist! 

♡ Betas: Thank you so much to @illyrian-book-lover and @mellowladyanchor for reading this part for me! If you’re interested in betaing a future part, dm me! If you're interested in becoming a permanent beta for this series please first click here and refer to 'details about the job' section for more details and dm for any questions you might have! Betas get early access to chapters, so if you're free to help out and can't wait for next chapter, consider joining the team!!!

♡ Author’s Note: I started this thinking it was going to be one of the shortest chapters but 😀 Hehehehehe anyway, get cozy, get some snacks, maybe something nice and warm to drink as well, and enjoy my friends!

No reposting, modifying. Translating is not allowed unless given explicit permission. Thank you so much : D

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It was still too early for him; the sun was barely peeking over the skyline. Businesses were just beginning to flip their signs to open, the sounds of the city were growing louder by the minute— only a soft murmur in the restful city background, and daily menus were just now beginning to be set outside for the few passersby who were walking the streets this early morning. 

It was in these initial hours on the first day of November that Min Yoongi arrived at his office. He had an iced Americano firmly grasped in his hand despite the chilly temperature outside. He always preferred the drink in its cooler state, no matter the weather, to quickly wake him up in the morning. It worked enough to get him here, but never as much as he needed it to.

He yawned as the elevator slowly rode up to the floor his office resided on. He still had a few hours before his first appointment, but Yoongi always came early to do menial tasks like office bills or general prep work for appointments. He didn’t have too much to do today, but some important documents he’d been putting off were calling his name.

His eyes lazily drifted over to Secretary Kim’s desk, as they always did, ready to say a brisk “good morning” before heading into his office until the time neared his first appointment.  

Yoongi was so out of it this morning. He and Heran were up all night with their little Bora. They both figured more of her baby teeth were coming in and that’s what’s been making their daughter so fussy these days. Heran especially had been a little worried after their third all-nighter, but Yoongi was quick to notice the little bumps in her gums upon further inspection, indicating she was likely just teething. It had been a rough few nights, last night especially, but eventually he was able to get her to fall asleep in his arms after he let his wife go back to bed.  

He languidly glanced over at Secretary Kim ready to wave, but her wide eyes quickly caught his attention as she discreetly pointed toward the waiting area. He wasn’t expecting anyone this early but lo and behold was the man he hadn’t seen in seven months.

His big, round eyes were instantly recognizable as they stared up at him when he noticed Yoongi standing there. This was certainly unexpected. He definitely didn’t have Jeon Jungkook booked today.

“Mr. Jeon! What a surprise!” Yoongi smiled as he walked over to him. 

Jungkook stood up, and Yoongi took particular interest in the way he shakily shifted his weight from one side to the other. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days and Yoongi could immediately tell something was wrong. 

“Hi— I’m sorry for barging in so suddenly like this…” Yoongi could hear the strain in his voice. 

“No issue at all, my door is always open.” He smiled but Yoongi hoped he got the point. His door was always open, no matter what the issue might be.

“I— I um… I wanted to talk to you— and… I can come back later if you’re busy, but—” Jungkook seemed fidgety and could hardly look at the doctor, the floor seeming to hold his attention more than Yoongi’s concerned gaze. 

Alarm bells were going off in his head. Normally he didn’t take walk-ins like this, but when the circumstances seemed dire, like in today's case, someone’s well-being was always more important than anything else. Something clearly wasn’t right with him, and he still had a few more hours until his first appointment anyway. No harm in this at all.

Yoongi glanced over to his secretary and they both shared the same worried expression before he guided Jungkook toward the door to his office. 

It had been seven months since he’d seen him, but Yoongi could instantly tell Jungkook seemed different. As he turned on the lights in his office that fact became more clear. Since the time that they had last seen each other, Jungkook evidently looked more tired, the dark circles around his eyes were prominent, but he did a good job of hiding it in the way his hair had grown to hang lowly over his eyes. Yoongi also thought he seemed paler, like he hadn’t seen the sun in weeks, and he could have sworn his round face had grown more gaunt as well. 

Yoongi had hoped that the couple’s absence after their last session meant that good things had come between them. Despite only having one session, he thought that maybe the glaring problems of their relationship had become apparent, and now that they were in the open, they had found themselves on a path to a happy and healthy relationship.

Yoongi wished this meeting had been a reunion of sorts, that Jungkook was coming to visit just to thank him for the session, or to simply catch up, or even just coming to ask for more advice in the long journey of building up their relationship. Any sort of sign, really, to indicate that they were working on the distressing issues in their marriage and that progress had been made in the seven months since they last saw each other.

Unfortunately, Jungkook’s appearance alone was enough to show his optimism had been in vain. And to make matters even more concerning, as soon as Yoongi shut the door behind them, he watched Jungkook haphazardly stumble over and collapse on the couch.

Yoongi hurriedly joined him by his side, his worry soaring to even greater heights seeing Jungkook desperately tangle his fingers through his hair. His grip on the strands was so firm that Yoongi feared he’d pull out the tresses threaded in his grasp. Sitting this close now, he could smell that Jungkook had been drinking, probably excessively too. It wasn’t looking good; time had not been kind to him. If anything, things seemed worse.

His soft whimpers slowly began to fill the growing silence. 

“Jungkook…?” Yoongi asked gently as he placed a hand on his back. 

“I’m s—sorry… so sorry. I should have called befo—before I came, I’m so sorry.” If it wasn’t already evident in his voice, Yoongi could see his hands in his hair were shaking.

“Like I said before, my door is always open. Did something happen?” Yoongi was trying to be calm, but the memories of their last session came flooding back in a rush and his mind raced with the possibilities of what had made him so frantic.

The question just seemed to make things worse, and like in their last session, Yoongi feared Jungkook was on the verge of another panic attack. Jungkook’s sobs became louder and his breathing grew more shallow with each breath he took.  

“Deep breaths, take your time,” Yoongi reassured, gently rubbing circles on his back. Jungkook quickly seemed to listen and tried his best to focus on the doctor’s words.

“Yuri— I—” Jungkook finally released the death grip on his hair and leaned back on the couch, letting his tears flow down his cheeks. 

“I cheated on my wife last night.” It was like he had practiced saying this with how clear it was despite the shakiness in his voice. The statement seemed to linger in the air as Yoongi processed his words. He tried not to show his immediate shock at the statement. From what he could remember from the last time he spoke with Jungkook, this was a pretty big deal, which could explain the distress. 

“I wish I was coming here to— to tell you how bad I felt about doing it, but—” Jungkook’s lip started to quiver. “I was up all night and I couldn’t stop thinking about it— I should feel bad, I want to feel bad, but…” More tears rolled down his cheeks.

“It just felt so good.” 

The confession made it all too real as he looked at the doctor. It made him feel even more like a monster.

Jungkook had spent the night trying to make himself feel bad about his time with you. He’d wandered around the apartment looking at all the pictures littered on the tables and walls of him and Yuri, hoping that would spark fond feelings of their relationship. 

If someone visiting their apartment saw the plethora of photos they have sprinkled around the place, it would seem like the couple shared many memories together. But just like their entire relationship, it was merely an illusion. 

When they first moved in Yuri had taken on the majority of the work decorating their apartment. She had an eye for interior design. Aside from modeling, she was quite passionate and knowledgeable about the subject— it’s what she originally went to school for before she was scouted and modeling became her main priority. 

The place mainly reflected her taste, but she’d ask Jungkook his opinions occasionally on some of her ideas, and he was pretty easy-going, so he just let her have her fun. He also knew how much she enjoyed it, it was one of the things he’d learned on their honeymoon when she confessed her ambition to open her own business someday. It was important to her, and it honestly warmed his heart to see how passionate she was decorating their new home together.

Right before they officially moved in, Yuri had signed them up for a bunch of photo shoots to help fill in the relatively empty picture frames around the apartment. The only memories they had were of their wedding, honeymoon, and a couple of pictures from their dates before they were engaged. Memories, yes, but certainly not enough for a couple who decided to take a leap of faith and get married so young. 

Professional photoshoots with the photographer she shot with regularly were a weekly occurrence for about a month. Jungkook had cherished this time since he was still trying to process how uncomfortable things had become after they came back from their honeymoon. That was really the only time they would speak to each other and things weren’t awkward. 

Jungkook had hoped that just being in the apartment would remind him of his marriage and ignite the shame that he had just committed a horrible sin, one that could have gotten him killed a couple of centuries ago. And yet, as Jungkook stood there trying to reminisce about all of their fond memories, he was also trying his best to ignore the way his length pleaded for you all over again.

Pathetic… more than that really.

He’d finally grabbed a beer out of the fridge at some point, hoping at the very least he could stop thinking about you and maybe try and get some sleep before he needed to go to work in the morning. The beer didn’t help, it never did. Rather it made his guilt, or his lack thereof, echo even louder. 

Jungkook had looked to Dr. Min with the hope that he would be a voice of reason, a slap to the face to make him feel the mortification he should right now. 

Jungkook stared at the doctor, just waiting for the look of disgust he was hoping for. He wanted someone to tell him how insane he sounded, how much of a terrible person he was for it. Instead, he couldn’t read the look on the doctor’s face as the words started to process in his mind. It made him that much more anxious. He wanted an immediate reaction, he wanted Dr. Min to scream at him if he had to, but instead, he just looked off in the distance as he never once stopped his gentle massage across his back.

“What makes you say that?” Dr. Min finally asked after the silence started to linger for a little too long.

“I didn’t know— know it could feel that good.” Jungkook’s body instantly reacted to the mention of last night— this morning really. It hadn’t been that long. It was all so clear and got even more so the more he tried not to think about it.

“And what makes you say that?” Dr. Min repeated with a gentle smile on his face.

Jungkook was being vague. Yoongi had a feeling this was a common occurrence, but those details truly mattered right now. 

“You don’t have to get explicit, it's just— If I’m recounting correctly, I know the last time we spoke you mentioned that you didn’t have much experience besides Yuri. What was it like then, stepping outside of your relationship?” Yoongi clarified, noticing Jungkook seemed a little confused. 

Jungkook turned away as his mind traveled back to early this morning… you, your lips, your hands, your skirt bunched around your waist. 

“She touched me.” The words just slipped out of his mouth without much thought. “No one ever did that before.” At least the way you had. As delusional as it was, for a split second he felt wanted, like someone actually craved him as badly as he did for them. It was nonsense, Jungkook just happened to be blessed that night by your unwavering kindness even to someone as pathetic as him in a moment of weakness. But still, he knew something felt different about last night.  

Yoongi hummed, remembering that the topic had come up in their session. 

“To be honest… Now that I think about it, I never really enjoyed it that much beforehand.” Jungkook stared off into the distance, coming to a revelation that he was aware of but never fully articulated until now.

“Sex?” Yoongi put it bluntly, making Jungkook’s face flush slightly.

He shyly nodded.

“I thought I did. I liked it when she just acknowledged my existence, it would make my day. I wanted anything from her really, but I think when it came to being intimate it just made me feel…” A word bounced around in his head, a sour word he knew spoke true to his feelings whenever he was with Yuri, yet it never materialized enough to explain to the doctor. After a while Jungkook just sighed and gave up, deciding to continue. “I think I just wanted her close. I wanted Yuri to want me, and I feel like that’s when I felt it the most. I craved it so much that I bet I seemed pathetic, but even then, I don’t think I really enjoyed it— not in the same way at least.” Jungkook struggled to fully articulate what he was trying to say, and just hoped Dr. Min could get the picture.

Yuri never touched him like that. She hardly touched him at all. Jungkook had always craved affection, but he’d never known how much he would truly enjoy it until now.

“I’m hopeless, aren’t I…?” This would normally have been a moment he would have tried to laugh at, but his heart hurt so much, he went back to crying. 

Why didn’t he feel guilty?

“Jungkook, look… Can I be honest with you for a second?” Yoongi eventually said. He seemed serious. 

Jungkook looked over at the doctor, ready for the slap to the face he came for. 

“I’m trying to look at this situation as objectively as I can. It’s been a while since we talked and I never really got Yuri’s side when I wanted to speak to you both one-on-one. As much as I probably shouldn’t, I think this is a situation where I need to take my therapist hat off and approach this like I’m just your friend giving you my two cents. Can I do that?” Yoongi asked before he continued. 

Jungkook steadily nodded.

Yoongi took a deep breath and one good look at Jungkook before continuing. “You don’t look good.” His words were blunt, but he had a look of genuine concern on his face. 

Jungkook’s eyes widened, not at all expecting that to be what he was going to say.

“You look like shit if I’m being honest.” Yoongi reiterated, wanting to be even more straightforward. As hurtful as it might sound, it was the truth. He didn’t even know Jungkook that well and he could clearly see the last few months had not been kind to him. It might have been different if he had no inclination as to why that might be the case, but considering what they’ve discussed so far, plus the fact that he’d briefly met his wife, he already knew a problem he could help advise on. Hopefully a bit of no-nonsense advice might set him on the right path. 

“I’ve seen all types of couples come in through those doors, and many more before I got my own office. I’ve helped couples rekindle their relationships that were in horrendous conditions.  Some were just minor issues that they needed help mediating and talking through. Others… I’ll be honest and say I’m surprised they even worked out. No relationship is perfect, but as long as there’s love, there’s hope. You and Yuri are a special case. You both never had those feelings at any point of your relationship that I could help remind you of.” 

Yoongi had spent some time after Jungkook’s last session contemplating the best advice he could give to a couple who had never properly loved each other. Helping them was basically asking them to build a relationship from scratch, a mission Jungkook seemed dead set on doing, and it might have been possible if their relationship didn’t hold such animosity. 

The way Yuri acted in the one session he met her in was honestly unacceptable. Her words were said out of spite, not out of hurt, or even in hopes of betterment— she just wanted to make it hurt as much as possible. Hostile relationships weren’t a foreign subject to him, but it was clear by Jungkook’s panic attack that what he saw probably didn’t even scratch the surface of their relationship behind closed doors.

Yoongi would help anyone who came through his doors, but when he suspected someone was causing more harm than good, and not even trying to make things work, there was little he could do. Being even more honest with himself, he didn’t want to help them. Toxic relationships aren’t good for anyone’s well-being, and it went against the very reason he became a therapist to encourage Jungkook to “stick it out” and hope things get better. 

This wasn’t even just toxic… 

Jungkook looked like he got hit by a bus, and then it backed up, ran over him again, backed up, and just kept repeating the cycle to make sure they got him. He did not look good, and although he didn’t know Jungkook all that well and there could be many things in his life that might be causing his mental break, he could never forget his face as Yuri spewed those harsh words at him.

What he did know was that she certainly wasn’t helping.

“You and Yuri… I don’t think your relationship is healthy to continue— not now at the very least. I think you need some time to regain your footing before even entertaining the idea of having healthy discussions about your relationship. I never thought I’d say this, but I think the affair could be a good thing for you in some way. Hopefully it might get you to think more about your relationship with your wife and could aid in the overall discussion on whether it should continue.” It was certainly strange hearing that out of the doctor’s mouth. Never in a million years did Jungkook expect that when he came over.

“The fact that you’re telling me you didn’t really enjoy sex in general until last night, that you only wanted it as a way to get close to Yuri… I mean, I hope you know that’s not good.” Yoongi laid it out plainly, hoping he would see the issue. 

Jungkook stared down at the ground, seemingly lost in thought. “But it’s all my fault…” 

“Jungkook—”

“It’s my fault, everything is. If I was better— fuck, and here I am cheating on her— I— I—” The tears started spilling past his eyes, and Yoongi could tell Jungkook was seconds away from a breakdown. 

His hands quickly tangled in his hair, but even with the dark locks in the way Yoongi could still see the way they shook. His breathing grew more shallow, and it was obvious he wasn’t listening to him anymore.

Yoongi quickly leaned over and wrapped an arm around him.

“Take deep breaths for me.” Yoongi softly instructed, but things got worse before they got better. 

He wasn’t entirely surprised this was happening, Jungkook seemed off since the moment he first said hello. Things had since escalated, but he feared this attack had started long before he stepped back into his office.

Jungkook seemed panicked realizing that this was happening again. He was almost hyperventilating at this point, but Yoongi was there just like the last time. Jungkook looked at him for help with tears in his eyes and Yoongi made sure he held his gaze as he started taking calm, deep breaths, hoping Jungkook would mirror him.

It was bad, really bad actually. Yoongi was starting to worry Jungkook might pass out, but eventually he was able to catch his breath enough so he could participate in the breathing exercises. 

“I’m— I’m so sorry— I’m so—so sorry!” Yoongi was shocked Jungkook was able to talk at all, but unsurprised that he was back to apologizing for something he didn’t need too. 

This, this is exactly why Yoongi truly believed their relationship was beyond saving at this point. This wasn’t just a rough patch, and even the word toxic didn’t feel like it was enough either. Abuse— emotional abuse— Jungkook was showing similar symptoms to those he’s treated who came from situations where their partner was verbally abusive, degrading them every day to the point they saw little value in themselves anymore. But this was a huge accusation, one Yoongi didn’t want to share with Jungkook just yet. He didn’t know Yuri or the situation enough to throw that term at her, but Yoongi just knew this relationship was not good for Jungkook in the slightest.

He eventually managed to calm Jungkook down enough to repeat the phrase he told him last time while he went to get him some water.

“It’s okay not to be okay.” Cleverly handpicked from the title of the popular Netflix show many of his patients were familiar with. 

Jungkook had calmed down for the most part. They both sat in silence— Jungkook’s soft whines occasionally filled the space along with the crinkling of the water bottle he held tightly in his grasp. It honestly hurt to watch him like this. It’s not like he knew the guy all that well, but Yoongi was always quick to get attached to anyone he looked after… and something about Jungkook reminded him of a stray puppy he found on the street. It was sick and injured, and Yoongi wanted nothing more than to take it home and nurse it back to health. Now, Jungkook wasn’t a stray puppy by any means, but from the meetings they shared he held the same innocence and fragility you might look at a puppy with. He was so broken, young, and had so much going for him still.

It wasn’t even Jungkook’s fault that he ended up in this situation, a crazy expectation was placed on him at a young age in a world that seemed so foreign to the doctor. Yoongi might not understand it, but he couldn’t just sit back and watch Jungkook essentially give up and spiral further and further into a hole he might not eventually be able to pull himself out of.

“You don’t have to answer this if you’re not comfortable; I’m just curious… Who was it with?” The question seemed to linger in the air for a long time. At first, Yoongi thought Jungkook just wasn’t in a talking mood anymore, or maybe he needed to clarify, but eventually he answered.

“She works at Golden Tech… we stayed late last night working on things and…” Jungkook trailed off, letting the silence speak louder than he could.

Yoongi nodded his head, getting the picture. “Was it just a spur of the moment thing or…?” he continued.

Jungkook was quiet for a little while, but eventually, he shook his head as a few tears trickled down his cheeks.

“No… yes… maybe…? I had been thinking about her for a while and… it had been so long since Yuri and I… you know…? We had a fight that morning because of it and… I don’t know, I think I had a breakdown. She was there for me and so warm and—” Jungkook had to stop himself abruptly knowing how strange that sounded. It made him think back to his time with you in his office. His face flushed at the recollection, and Yoongi smiled at him.

“It’s alright. She sounds nice if she was there for you like that. How long have you thought about this?” 

“It’s been years— probably since she started working at the company.” Jungkook felt himself getting choked up at the shame of it all. “It got worse as time went on and I saw more of her— it’s one of the reasons I booked Yuri and I for therapy back then— she was in my head too much.”  

Interesting.

“Do you have feelings for her?” Another blunt question from the doctor that Jungkook was certainly unprepared for. What he said was so off the wall that it warranted a spit-take like he was in some sitcom. He was left completely unable to process the words that spilled from Dr. Min’s mouth. The question honestly warranted an even more dramatic response. 

“W-What?!” Jungkook stared at the doctor.

“You heard me.” Yoongi was both joking and incredibly serious. Feelings would change the whole story.

“It’s not like that,” Jungkook stated confidently. “I was just desperate, and I’m very married. It was just a mistake, a fluke.” He echoed your words from last night. You were right after all.

“A fluke? But didn’t you come in here saying you couldn’t stop thinking about it?” Yoongi pointed out.

Jungkook suddenly got very quiet.

“Okay Jungkook, I’m going to need you to listen very carefully to what I’m about to say— you can do that, right?” Yoongi put his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder to get him to look him in the eye. He hated eye contact, it just made him flustered, but he would do anything to ensure Jungkook was paying attention.

“In all my years as a couples therapist I never thought I’d say this, but I think taking some time apart from Yuri to go out and live your own life might be the best option to go from here. I think you’re not in the right headspace yet to have a productive conversation with her about the issues in your relationship— I think you could use some time apart to clear your head and get your thoughts in order.”

Blunt, the doctor wasn’t beating around the bush at all.

“You need to take some time for yourself and make sure you’re okay before prioritizing your relationship. You’re still so young, you got married really young— I feel like it’s hard to even have those conversations with Yuri when you might not even be sure what you want in the first place. That’s not your fault, but you deserve to take some time for yourself to figure it out.” 

Yoongi was still working on how to navigate his own marriage and he specialized in the field. Managing a relationship with the newly added challenge of parenthood was a territory he’d only covered with clients in the past, but experiencing it personally was a completely different story. Even he was still learning to deal with the big change in him and his wife’s life. He couldn’t imagine going through all the challenges of marriage when he was twenty-six, let alone twenty-two. That certainly would have spelled disaster. 

“I think these issues run deeper than what I could help you with in couples therapy, and honestly Jungkook, I recommend taking some time to evaluate if your relationship is something you want to continue. I don’t know what happens behind closed doors, so I don’t want to overstep, but I’m seeing a lot of red flags in the way Yuri treats you. No relationship should have you feeling like this, and at the very least, I think some time apart will help you get some perspective and communicate this to her.” 

Jungkook continued to stare at him with wide eyes, and Yoongi just hoped he was listening.

“Removing yourself entirely I think should be the first step— focusing on yourself, doing the things you like, and spending time with people who make you feel happy and appreciated would be good for you. It would hopefully help get you back on your feet. However, I know this situation is still complicated.” 

“You should tell Yuri what happened last night, your feelings about it, why it happened, etcetera… I know it will be hard, and I can’t tell you what her reaction to this might be, but it’s in the past now, and honesty is the least you can offer her at this point.” Despite his mixed feelings toward Yuri, he still didn’t condone cheating. He’d been on the other side of that story before, and going behind someone’s back and lying might honestly be worse than the act itself.   

“It will give her the chance to make her own decision about the future of your relationship. If she doesn’t end things right then and there and doesn’t mention it already, you should say that you need a little space. You can say this was my idea if you have to. But for your sake Jungkook, and for the sake of your relationship, I think you should take a step back so you can have the opportunity to learn and explore exactly what you want moving forward.” This seemed like the only path Jungkook could take at this point. He didn’t know how Yuri would react to this considering they never truly had a relationship, but if she still wanted to work things out, Jungkook needed some time away from her to hopefully give him a chance to be in a better mental state. Then maybe they could have a proper conversation about the future of their relationship.   

Yoongi had only turned away for a second during his closing statement, but it was enough that when he looked back, Jungkook’s eyes had fluttered closed, and he looked like he was about three seconds away from dozing off. 

“Jungkook, did you hear me?” Yoongi shook him lightly, making Jungkook jolt awake.

“Yes— sorry! Sorry, sorry— fuck, I’m so sorry!” Jungkook was apologizing once again, and Yoongi already felt bad. 

“I just, sorry— I hardly slept last night or the night before… I’m running on three hours of sleep from two days ago.” Jungkook tried to laugh it off as he rubbed his tired eyes, but having this moment of calm after everything that’s happened was enough for the need to sleep to overwhelm him. 

Yoongi softly rubbed his back again. “You know that’s not good, right?”

“I know, and I have this big meeting later— I’m doomed.” In that instant, the haziness of sleep had clouded his brain. He couldn’t think straight, and he had to present at the meeting later along with you… Jungkook didn’t notice Yoongi’s concerned gaze as he tried to wake himself up. 

“You did hear me earlier, right?” Yoongi asked again.

“I did…” He wasn’t lying. His eyes might have closed at some point, but he was taking in every word the entire time.

“What will you do next then?”

“I don’t know.” It was a lot. Too much was happening and he was too tired to really think about what he should do right now.

Yoongi nodded. “It’s a lot, I understand. I just want to make sure you’ll think about what I said.”

Jungkook looked over and Yoongi could see how quickly his eyes had grown red.  He looked like he could pass out at any moment. 

“I will.”

Yoongi watched Jungkook rub his eyes before he tried to open them up. It looked like it was taking everything in him to keep them open. “Jungkook, maybe you should take a nap before you head out again.” Yoongi suddenly said.

Jungkook blinked a couple of times before turning toward the doctor. “Huh?”

“You can sleep on the couch. I don’t have my first appointment till 12:30, so you can stay here until then.” It was a generous offer, and one he wouldn’t normally make, but he felt it was necessary given Jungkook’s condition. 

“That’s really nice of you, but I have work I need to—” 

“Mmm, you don’t think your work will be affected if you haven’t slept right in the last 48 hours?” Yoongi interrupted. 

Jungkook was about to say something, but the more he thought about it and his eyes continued to sting, the more he knew the doctor was right. Truth be told, Jungkook doesn't sleep much these days anyway. He was busy as it was, but almost any time he got in bed, his head would be swimming with so many thoughts it took forever to fall asleep. However, even then, these last two days had definitely taken a toll on him. If it was any other day, he would have insisted he needed to get back to work, but really, he just had to be there for the meeting later; any other work could be handled at a different point if need be. The doctor was right as well— how could he get anything done like this? Even walking seemed like an impossible task.

“You’d really let me stay?” Jungkook’s voice was soft, but Yoongi noticed he sounded surprised.

“Of course. Rest up.” Yoongi gave him a slight smile before standing up. “I’ll just be over at my desk doing a little work. I won’t be loud.” 

Jungkook stared up at Dr. Min with tears in his eyes. He could hardly believe anyone was being this nice to him, let alone after he admitted to cheating on his wife. The doctor didn’t notice, or if he did, he didn’t say anything as he moved over to his desk.

Jungkook quickly whipped out his phone, and after a bit of scrolling, found the person he needed to call. All it took was a few rings for him to answer.

“Hyung…” Jungkook was groggy and hoarse from all the crying. Just the thought of sleep alone was enough to wear him down even more.

“Jungkook? Where are you?” Jimin’s concerned voice was heard on the other end.

“Doesn’t matter— just… I wanted to tell you to let everyone know who might be looking for me, that I’m going to be a little late today.” 

“Late? What about the meeting later?” Jimin exclaimed, a little baffled. Of all the days to be late…

“I’ll be there. If Y/n asks—” There it was, the person he tried not to think about at all.

Jimin noticed the pause. “Jungkook?”

“Uh, if Y/n asks where I am, tell her I’ll be there an hour beforehand so we can do our final preparations.” Seeing you again… he was really not looking forward to seeing you again.

“Jungkook…”

He rubbed his sleepy eyes, but nothing he did made them any easier to keep open. “Yes?”

“What’s going on? Why are you going to be late?” Jimin was concerned. Despite the awkwardness that had settled between the pair, Jimin never once stopped worrying about him.

“I just— I didn’t get much sleep last night.” It wasn’t a lie necessarily, but he definitely wasn’t going to tell him the whole truth. He couldn’t tell Jimin just how awful he had become.

There was silence over the line for a little while. Maybe Jimin was expecting Jungkook to continue and elaborate further, but then realized that was all the information he was going to get out of him.

“I see… sleep well then, and try to get here as soon as you can. Things have been pretty hectic today.” Jimin pointed out.

Jungkook lazily chuckled. “They’re hectic everyday these days.” Q4s were always so busy.

Jimin laughed as well. “Alright, see you later then.”

“Bye, hyung.” And with that, Jungkook clicked off the call. 

He didn’t notice, but a warm smile had settled on Yoongi’s face. He didn’t have to know who he called, he could tell they were close.

“You seriously don’t mind me staying here? I’ve been told I snore…” Jungkook’s face flushed at the mention of it. Yuri would sometimes kick him awake if he got too loud.

“Sleep!” Yoongi called out as he started looking through his computer. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jungkook sheepishly take off his shoes before grabbing the blanket draped over the couch. He laid down, and it probably wasn’t even two minutes later that Yoongi knew he’d actually fallen asleep. He lightly chuckled to himself before getting started on the work he set out to do. It wasn’t much, but he did come early just to make sure he got it done so he wouldn’t get home too late.

To be honest, Yoongi hardly noticed Jungkook was even there at all. It just felt like the times he’d be working at home and Heran would be passed out on the couch with their daughter sleeping in her arms. But Jungkook wasn’t lying earlier; he did snore. It wasn’t anything too obnoxious, but occasionally Yoongi was reminded someone was in fact in the room with him. Even then, he hardly noticed— again, it was just like home.

Cute. 

Jungkook was truly out cold. Last night was overwhelming. First, the whole situation with you sent him spiraling, and then his quest to make himself feel bad about it proved to be a harder task than it should have been. 

No matter what good memory he recounted of him and Yuri last night, the thought of you on his desk was like a massive tidal wave that washed any attempts he made to remember his wife back to sea. In truth, he spent more of the night trying not to give into temptation than the thought of any guilt about his actions. He'd already betrayed Yuri enough; relieving the ache for some reason that was a line he couldn’t cross. 

These thoughts created a horrible cycle in his mind of “you just cheated on your wife” to then “but it just felt so good” to “but you know how disappointed Yuri would be if you do that” to “but it felt so fucking good” to “you’re an actual piece of shit, you deserve feeling like this.” It had his head spinning. 

He was tired and tried downing a beer so he could quickly pass out and he wouldn’t have to think about it anymore. But then Yuri came home— 5:35am on the dot. 

She looked good, so good, even with most of the lights off. Yuri had changed from her off-the-shoulder, black, sweater dress into something more relaxing— a cozy black hoodie and gray sweatpants. Yuri was also carrying the tote she used for short excursions that weren’t overnight, but far enough to come back at a time like this— she had to go to and from Busan today. She must have been so tired, and he’d spent the night cheating on her.

Jungkook had been so out of it. He was drunk, very drunk, and he was so tired, but he just couldn’t fall asleep. Maybe he would have reacted better seeing her, but his whole body felt numb when she noticed he was sitting at the dining table. 

This would have been the time for him to get on his knees and beg for her forgiveness, but instead he just continued to sit there.

Yuri hurriedly walked over and despite how much the room was spinning, he could tell by her footsteps she was mad.

“Jungkook, are you drunk?!” She exclaimed, but the words were hazy in his mind. The question was redundant, all the empty beer bottles on the table would have given her the answer. 

“Yuri… I’msorry.” His words slurred. He bet he looked pathetic. He hasn’t gotten drunk in front of her that often. He never wanted her to see that side of him, or rather, how that other side might act if she did.

The silence lingered in the apartment for a little and maybe if the lights were on, she would have seen his lip quivering before she heard his sobs.

“I’m sorry.” His sad attempt at an apology rang in the air. “I’m so sorry, so sorry, sorry. I’m—”

“What is wrong with you?” She honestly sounded baffled. Through the haziness of it all, he recognized that she likely had no idea what he was talking about.

There were so many things he could be apologizing for, yesterday morning was a great example. Maybe that’s what she thought he was talking about. Or maybe it was the fact that he was drunk. There were just so many things, but cheating on her probably wasn’t where her immediate train of thought went.

“I’m sorry!” He just sobbed out, an apology not for cheating on her necessarily, but because he couldn’t find it in himself to feel bad about it.

Yuri had no idea what was going on, and it was so late. “Get yourself together, please. It’s too late for this and I’m too tired to try and understand you. I’m going to bed and you better figure this out before joining me.” Yuri just sighed, slinging her bag over her shoulder once again before walking off toward their bedroom. The fact she even offered to share the bed was astonishing. He deserved less than the couch at this point.

With Yuri here, it made it all too real how badly he had betrayed her. They were meant to be playing the part of a happily married couple, they were meant to be a happily married couple, but he let his own selfish desires get in the way and now that dream was shattered. Why couldn’t he have just waited? All he ever wanted was to be a good husband to her and yet he couldn’t even bring himself to feel bad about the night he shared with you. He’d cheated and still couldn’t stop thinking with his dick for more than two seconds, instead overwhelmed by the way his whole body hadn’t stopped tingling since he helped you off his desk. He never deserved forgiveness. Horrible. He couldn’t go any lower than this. 

He was too drunk to remember when the shaking began, or when it got hard to breathe, but he knew he had to listen to your advice. He needed to talk to someone, now.

Jungkook had looked up when Dr. Min’s office opened, and he was at the door shortly after the secretary got there. She had given him those same sad eyes she did before he left the last time when she saw him stumble into the office.

“Dr. Min will be here shortly…” she had assured him. She could probably see how on edge he was.

To be honest, the whole night was a blur at this point. One minute he was at the dining table, the next he was calling Dae-Jung (who was kind enough to pick him up, despite the early hour and how his words slurred together on the phone), then he was in Dr. Min’s office. It felt like time was passing by without him. 

Jungkook never checked the time to know when he fell asleep, but when he felt the gentle touch of Dr. Min letting him know it was time to get up, he knew he hadn’t slept long enough. Just opening his eyes was a task that seemed too much to overcome. He needed eight hours, probably more at this point. He honestly felt worse after waking up than he did before he fell asleep. He hoped it was just the grogginess needing to wear off, but the sounds of amusement from the doctor he eventually realized was sitting on the table right in front of him, were not the best received.

“You might want to fix your hair.” Yoongi chuckled lightly, seeing the long strands sticking up in different directions.

Cute.

His head hurt, his eyes hurt, and he wanted to go back to sleep so badly. 

It certainly looked that way from Yoongi’s perspective as well. Jungkook had this grumpy look on his face as he steadily tried to sit up, and his eyes just barely fluttered open so he could see they were slightly red.

“Do you feel better?” Yoongi asked, and Jungkook quickly shook his head.

“I’m not surprised. You really need to get more sleep… If you can, you should take the rest of the day off after your meeting. Give yourself the day to try and get yourself back together.” He suggested. “Doctor’s orders.”

The thought was tempting. The main task he had to complete today was the meeting. Everything else, as far as he knew, could be handled later. But he already hadn’t shown up to work this morning, what would everyone think? What might they be saying right now? Just the thought of anyone thinking he was slacking off made the idea seem selfish. 

Jungkook didn’t say anything though, as he tried to muster up any energy he had regained to get up from the couch.

“Oh, and before I forget—” Suddenly Jungkook felt a small piece of paper in his hand. It took a minute for him to realize what it was, but it was similar to the one Yoongi gave him after his last session. 

“Please make sure to visit him this time. I may be a therapist as well, but I think he’d be much better to talk to about your individual needs.” Yoongi was almost pleading. 

Kim Namjoon. Right, he forgot to do that last time. 

“Talk to him please, but if you ever need someone else to just chat with unofficially, you can stop by the office at any time or call me if you need to. You have my work phone, but at the bottom of the note I wrote my personal number.” If Jungkook was a patient, this probably would have been crossing a line, but he hasn’t been an official client since his last session back in April.

This was all unofficial, and it would continue to stay that way until things improved enough that alarm bells wouldn’t go off anytime he saw Jungkook. For some reason, he doubted that would happen anytime soon, at least as long as he was with Yuri. 

Yoongi made Jungkook agree to book an appointment soon, and said he’d check up with Namjoon to make sure he fulfilled his promise. They also promised to talk again soon as Jungkook started fixing himself up before heading out.

He was still slightly hungover, but the water he drank earlier helped ease things a little, so the headache wasn’t as bad as what it could be considering how much he imbibed last night.

It wasn’t long before Jungkook was getting a text from his driver that he was outside. 11:43am— an hour and twenty until the meeting and less than twenty minutes till he promised to meet you. He had to hurry and pray the traffic wasn’t bad, he still had to head home to shower and change….

With a swift goodbye, Jungkook was slinging his suit jacket and coat on before heading downstairs.

•────•────���─────•────•

The meeting went okay. It was mainly thanks to you though. You were a great presenter, and things all went relatively how you both had planned. But Jungkook could have done better— he hadn’t even needed to talk much, but maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the hangover, or the massive wall of anxiety he practically slammed into that made things so difficult.

Jungkook had given presentations before, many times actually, and while he was always a little nervous, most of it would go away the minute he got up there and he was able to say what he needed to say to get his point across. For some reason, his anxiety was almost crippling this time. 

Jungkook had hardly thought about the presentation. So much shit had been happening it had almost been an afterthought. But while he was practicing with you, he was not prepared for the jitters he got as time drew nearer for the executives to come in.

It was even worse when it was actually time. He stood up there with you and he couldn’t stop shaking. The eyes of the executives were too much. It felt like that nightmare all over again. It was like they knew what he did, how terrible and incapable he was, and how he deserved how shitty his life had turned out.

Somehow he was able to cover all the points he needed to, but the shakiness in his voice was embarrassing, and he nearly had a breakdown when he saw their confused expressions staring back at him. He felt bad, so bad actually, because he was ruining this for you.

And you… Jungkook didn’t know what to do seeing you again. As soon as he walked into the meeting room, he was filled with disgust, but also wanted nothing more than to pull you close once more. It was horrible. 

You looked so good too, you always did. Your light blue turtleneck was neatly tucked into your white skirt, your signature lipstick was back on display, and your hair was styled nicely as it always was. You were so polished, a completely different look to how he dropped you off last night. And you looked amazing either way in his opinion.

But things were awkward, very awkward as you started your preparations. And to make matters worse, you were mad at him, or at the very least it was obvious you didn’t want to be around him when he finally made it to the meeting room. He saw it for a split second after he walked through the door and you made eye contact. It was a silent moment when you both acknowledged the night before, a moment you both realized that last night had in fact happened— but you were far quicker to move on from it, choosing to stick to the promise made to put the whole thing behind you.

Last night was a mistake, a fluke. It shouldn’t have happened.

The doctor was right that things would be different if feelings were involved, but last night was nothing more than sex. He was horny, sad, and you just happened to be there…. If you both acknowledged it then it would become something, something more than it needed to be. He was married, you were his coworker, and that’s how it needed to stay. 

But still, for a moment he wanted to say something. He wanted it to be something, because as much as he knew he needed to try and push past this, last night was still on his mind. Dr. Min didn’t help either. He thought he would give him the slap in the face he needed, but his words stuck to him.

What he wanted? Why did it matter what he wanted? He was the one who needed to fix this, he was the one who messed up. But for some reason anytime he thought about it you would pop into his head. You had been just a taste of the things he hadn’t discovered, and like a veil finally being lifted from his eyes, he could finally see how immense the world he lived in was. But you were forbidden, a fruit he couldn’t have, one he shouldn’t want. All he had was a taste and he wanted more. He wanted you in all the ways possible and to explore a side of himself he didn’t know existed until he was with you that night. The only experience he had was with Yuri, and he barely explored his sexuality outside of his relationship— Yuri making up 95% of his sexual experience and 100% of his relationship experience. He knew he was an amateur going into his marriage, but he never knew sex could feel that good.

He wanted Yuri, he wanted his wife, he wanted to be her husband, but as much as he kept telling himself that, the doctor’s words were back in his head once again and that side he was ashamed of would come out. He wanted you, and it was worse this time— instead of his imagination fueling his fantasy, he had an actual memory to look back on. The more he thought about it, the more the doctor’s words rang in his head. 

Would the best thing for his and Yuri’s relationship really be a break from each other? How did that make sense at all? How would he ever fix the mess he made if he wasn’t with her? And then to tell her about the affair? That was just a straight ticket to divorce and failure. The amount of people that would be let down if they knew what he did… it just didn’t make sense.

He had to fix this. He had to fix this. Failure wasn’t an option. 

•────•──────────•────•

The next few days weren’t any better. Somehow, it got worse.

He thought things would be awkward for a little while, but eventually you both would fall back into your routine. He thought the memory of that night would fade, and you would just become his coworker again. That mistake, that fluke, it would be like it never happened. 

But it did, and he couldn’t forget it. It seemed to be the only thing he could think about these days: your lips, your hands, your body, how it felt to have you right there on his desk. 

It should have been a mistake, it should have been a fluke, Jungkook should have been trying his very hardest to push that night out of his mind, to pretend that it didn’t happen, but… 

Sometimes he’d think about it too much. His mind betrayed him first and then his body would follow soon after. It seemed to happen every time he was alone. In the shower, in his office, in the gym, there was even this one time you assisted some of the managers with a presentation and he nearly lost his mind trying to keep it together. He completely forgot how to act like a normal person around you. Anytime you were in the same vicinity, the awkward conversations you used to share had downgraded to just standing there and staring at you like an idiot. He didn’t know what to say around you, how to make things go back to the small, awkward, yet friendly conversations you both would share whenever you saw each other in these last few weeks since you’d been promoted.  

He was a mess, and his mind and thoughts were muddled by a growing need that just got worse as the days passed. Each time he’d plead for his body to listen to him, to forget about that night so he could focus on Yuri again. There were too many times he had to fight every force of nature to stop himself from giving in. Tears would stream down his face as he thought about you, Yuri, and tried his best not to reach down his pants and fix it. 

He never thought it could get any worse than what he went through during those ten months of torture, but in just a matter of days you had him more needy than he knew what to do with.

Yesterday, two days after he had you on his desk, he tried to get Yuri to help him, but he should have known better. Jungkook had been in the shower with tears in his eyes as he looked down and saw what thinking about you did to him. He was trying so hard to be good for Yuri. He’d already betrayed her once, and he didn’t want to do it again, but it hurt so much.

In desperation, he quickly got out of the shower and went to Yuri who was lying peacefully on their bed, scrolling through her phone. Jungkook had tried to be subtle as he got in beside her, his hair was still damp and all. He scooted close and wrapped his arms around her waist. As soon as he was close enough she could feel it, he knew she could. Tears immediately welled up in his eyes all over again when he noticed her confusion before her realization of what was happening. This wasn’t as innocent as pulling her close because he wanted to cuddle, no, his perverse intentions couldn’t have been more clear.

He felt like a monster.

“Jungk—”

“Help— help me— please…” He quietly sobbed into her shoulder. His hips felt like they had a mind of their own, and he started grinding into the flimsy fabric of her shorts.

It was a desperate plea so he could forget about you and finally move on. He wanted Yuri to make him remember that she was his wife, he was her husband, and you were nothing more than his coworker. He would have taken anything, really. He would have done anything to make him forget.

For a moment, she didn’t say anything, she let him have his fun. He was such a mess— his hand slowly ran under her tank top feeling her warm skin while he practically fucked her with their clothes still on. As more time passed, the more he lost himself in the pleasure. He didn’t need long at all; he just wanted it to stop hurting… anything to stop hurting.

His breathy sighs of pleasure filled the room in between the sound of the sheets shifting underneath him. There was a moment he thought Yuri would let him have this, after all, she still thought that it’d been ten months since he’d had the sweet bliss of release. But of course, he was too greedy.

“Yuri…” He sighed in hopes that would be enough to engage her, because even now he was picturing you on his desk. His hand came up to tug lightly on the waistband of her shorts. Two minutes tops and he could forget it all, get his priorities straight, and you were nothing to him again.

“Jungkook, stop! What the fuck are you doing?!” Yuri finally snapped as she turned around to face him. But even then, he still didn’t stop entirely. It was just enough to get him to slow down.

“Please— please— Yuri!” He cried because it hurt so much, and you just wouldn’t leave him alone.

Yuri was quick at gaining the upper hand, and she was on top of him just like that day. She had his hands pinned down and was sitting right where he needed her. 

“What is going on with you these days?!” She was disappointed, and he was too. She was right; what had gotten into him? Jungkook just sobbed because it still hurt.

“Help…” He begged like it meant anything. Maybe if he had told her right then and there about the affair she would have assisted. Maybe, or maybe not, but maybe that was what it would take for him to focus on her again. But just like the day this whole mess started, she seemed completely uninterested in helping him. 

“No.” She didn’t beat around the bush whatsoever, and maybe on a different occasion, he would have appreciated the honesty instead of leading him on to the point he was a whimpering mess underneath her. It just hurt too much.

Jungkook slightly shifted his hips— it was just enough to elicit a breathy moan from his lips and for the shame he felt all over to wash away in a second.

Yuri looked down at him questionably, he normally wasn’t like this at all.

“If you won’t help, then can I at least— can I fix this myself?” Jungkook looked up at her with pleading eyes. 

“Wha—”

“You’re probably tired. You’ve been really busy these days, and I’m sorry I bothered you, but—” Tears slipped down his cheeks as he subtly tried grinding into her a little harder. “I can’t wait. It hurts so much, Yuri— please can I fix this myself…” Jungkook never thought he’d reach this type of low.

First the affair, and now he was begging just because he couldn’t keep himself together long enough to wait until she needed him too. He couldn’t even imagine the disappointment she must be experiencing. Her eyes said as much before she even spoke.

“You can’t keep it together?” Her tone was low, and though Jungkook could sense she was mad, to his messed-up brain it was just more fuel to the fire of desire that was raging out of control at this point. It was hot.

He hurriedly shook his head.

“I feel like I might lose it just from you sitting on my lap.” He cried, tears streaming down his face because that wasn’t an exaggeration at all. He felt so bad. Why was he so pathetic? But at the same time, why couldn’t she see his desperation? He just wanted the chance to be with his wife, the person he should be with instead of his coworker in the middle of the night, at his job, right on the desk he worked on. 

Suddenly, Yuri chuckled as she looked down at him. She leaned down so her lips hovered over his cheek. He wished she didn’t have his hands pinned down so he could have tried to push her to meet his lips, but she kept moving up so her mouth was right by his ear.

This angle… Jungkook wished she was wearing one of those tank tops today. The view would have been amazing.

“You really can’t keep it together, huh?” Yuri said again, right into his ear, and he very well could have lost it right then and there. 

“No…” He sobbed.

Yuri pulled back slightly so she could look him in the eye. 

“I don’t know what’s going on with you Jungkook, or whatever has gotten into that thick skull of yours, but I’m going to need whatever it is out immediately. You operate on my time, you wait until I’m ready. The fact that you can’t do that is just pathetic. I don’t care if it’s been months, I don’t understand how you think begging will do anything— a good fucking husband would know how to wait.” Every syllable was filled with the disappointment and malice he knew he deserved.

His heart wrenched at every word.

“I just— I just didn’t want to make a mistake— I’m sorry.” Jungkook was bawling at this point, his voice shaking uncontrollably. His face was probably red and soaking wet from how much he was crying. But he was lying right through his teeth. He’d already made a mistake, a horrible, terrible one. She had every right to never forgive him if she ever found out. It had only been a few days since he had you on his desk, and even after he had gone to such lengths to quell the ache of the last ten months, in just two days, he was in an even worse state than before. 

“A mistake?” She laughed.

“You’re the mistake— agreeing to get married to you was the mistake. I don’t ask much from you, yet you just keep disappointing me. I don’t even know why I still try to do this.” Her grip on his wrists had tightened so much it was starting to hurt. With the look in her eyes, Jungkook felt numb at this point. He wanted to apologize, but he couldn’t speak. Even if he could utter an apology, it would never be enough for the pain he’s caused her. Every word was true. Yuri was always right.

“But nevertheless, here I am. I don’t want to fight with you today Jungkook. All I ask is that you’ll wait, and until then…” Yuri’s hand let go of his wrist and started tracing from his jaw, down to his neck, over the expanse of his sweater, and eventually settled on the waistband of his shorts. She roughly pulled it before letting go, the pain of the elastic slapping back to his burning skin made an uncontrollable moan leave his lips before he could stop it. His head was spinning, he couldn’t keep up with what was happening anymore, and it was almost overwhelming.

“Stay away from me.” Her voice had grown soft, sultry almost, as she stared at him.

Jungkook felt almost crazed as the tears kept spilling from his eyes, her words loudly echoing through his head, but he was still hard, and he didn’t know what hurt more at this point. He was shaking and had the intense urge to run away and hide from the world, but he wanted nothing more than for Yuri to touch him more. It was selfish and disgusting, he just couldn’t get any worse.

With a hand now free, Jungkook suddenly found the strength to change the position. But before he realized what he was doing, Yuri was underneath him.

“Don’t do that, please.” Jungkook sighed, the position making his body instantly react, but his heart hurt too much to even attempt anything again. “I’ll leave you alone, I just want to make you happy— I’ll do anything, I hope you know that, but just… don’t make this hard for me, please.” Jungkook begged through his teary gaze. 

“I’m sorry I want you all the time, but when you touch me like that… I’m weak, you said it yourself.” He tried to laugh through the pain, but he was starting to feel shaky again.

“I just want to be a good husband, but I’m bad at this, so… just…” He was starting to get so choked up that it was hard to speak. “Just… just… just…” Jungkook buried himself in her neck so she wouldn’t have to see how pathetic he was right now. 

In the moment he missed you and how you comforted him that night; your hands across his back, your gentle touches that made him feel warm all over. He didn’t deserve it— not then, not now… but he still missed it.

“Go easy on me, please.” He couldn’t believe he had the audacity to say this like they haven’t been married for nearly four years. He’d run out of chances at this point. He should know by now what she likes and doesn’t. Even though they hadn’t spent that much time together, Jungkook knew before he walked out of the bathroom that she wouldn’t like this, that she'd get upset, yet he still tried anyway, hoping she might put him out of his misery.

There was no hope for him at this point. How Yuri hadn’t given up on him entirely was astounding.

“Jungkook, get off of me and stop fucking crying, that shit gets annoying after the billionth time.” Yuri groaned, already feeling her neck starting to get soaked. 

He really missed you— even though he didn’t deserve it, but you made him feel so good. He wished he was back to that Tuesday, the day he cried in your arms and took you right there on his desk. He missed you so much.

Jungkook quickly got off of Yuri and the bed entirely. He hastily started making his way to the bathroom once again.

“You better stop that before you—” He didn’t slam the door in her face, but Jungkook was in too much of a rush to let her finish. 

With the outside world finally shut out, Jungkook turned on the light, and from where he was standing at the door, he could see himself in the mirror. He was a mess, he looked like shit. His face was red and puffy, his face stained with tears that just kept falling from his eyes, and because he wasn’t wearing any underwear, the prominent outline of the very reason he got himself into this situation was embarrassingly obvious.

Jungkook hated what he saw, so he quickly turned the lights back off. In the darkness, all he could picture was you once again. That night, your soft warmth, your sympathetic gaze. Why did you look at him like that? Why didn’t you see what Yuri did? But he didn’t want to think about that right now, how much his heart ached, or how his mind cried out to the void to end the pain because he was just making his wife miserable. No. Instead, the memory of you on his desk was too vivid. He could practically still feel you wrapped around him, your hands on his skin, your lips on his lips, he couldn’t forget it.  He didn’t want to.

Tears spilled from his eyes faster than his hand found its way into his shorts. He hesitated for only a second. Yuri was right outside, and this was so wrong. He’d just disappoint her even more than he already has. As shameful as it was, that hesitation only lasted for a second before he hurriedly had his fingers wrapped around his length as he steadily started pumping his needy cock. 

“I’m— so sorry!” Jungkook cried out as quietly as he could. Just one big disappointment. But you, your lips, your hands— fuck, your hands. Your fingers through his hair, your nails down his back, your hand around his cock. It never felt like that before. Jungkook didn’t know it could feel like that—  sex never felt like that. Not with his first, not with Yuri, but you… you… why couldn’t he stop thinking about you?

Jungkook hurriedly brought his hand over his mouth, the memories of when he used to do this returning all too quickly. He’d always wished Yuri would touch him, but that was selfish. The fact that she was even spending time with him should be enough. Yet you had touched him, and he didn’t even have to ask? You were strange, but as selfish as it might sound, he liked it.

Jungkook let himself slide down the door, the pleasure his hand was bringing made his knees weak. As much as he wanted to deny it, he wanted you again. He wished you were here right now to help ease the ache in both places. Would you, considering everything that had happened?

Jungkook hurriedly tried to shake those thoughts out of his head. No, you were back on his desk in his office. You noticed he was upset and came over to comfort him and make him feel better in any way you could. Your lips were on his, he was kissing you again and—

Fuck.

Jungkook briskly let go to quickly spit in his hand before hastily going back to fisting his length. Faster, he needed to make himself cum as fast as possible. The shakes were getting worse. He felt horrible, a failure, a disappointment, every flick just made him feel so fucking disgusted in himself, but it hurt too much to stop.

You on his desk, how it felt to have your hand wrapped around him, how it felt to be inside you—

There it is.

Jungkook let his mind reminisce in as much detail as he could remember. How it felt to finally be inside you, the sounds you made, how wet, tight, and warm you were— so fucking good. He wanted you again so badly, it should be criminal. He was married and he already messed up once, yet he couldn’t stop thinking about it— you on the desk, your fucking sweet pussy wrapped around his aching length. 

Close, he was getting close.

Jungkook brought his other hand up to tightly hold it against his mouth once more. His moans were getting too loud and he feared Yuri would hear. He tried to speed it up even more. All he needed was a little longer. 

You, your hands, your lips, your warmth, your bunched-up skirt, your thigh-highs, your panties, your red lipstick smearing across his face. Oh. So close. 

And then, at last, the feeling deep down inside growing and growing until he finally spilled inside of you—

…

…

…

Wait… what?

Jungkook’s eyes suddenly shot open, the haunting darkness of the bathroom now an unwelcoming sight. An immediate, deep, visceral sense of panic and dread sunk in as he racked his brain in hopes he was overreacting or misremembering. 

Jungkook had tried to push the memories of that night as far away as possible over the last few days, but now that he was thinking about it properly…

That day… you both hadn’t used protection.

It’s not like he walked around with condoms, he had no need, but…

Suddenly the ache that seemed deafening became just a muffled, dull, fuzzy noise in the background as this realization dawned on him. 

How? How did he not realize you hadn’t used protection? No matter how needy he was with Yuri, he was always so careful in the rare times they went all the way. How did he fucking forget?!

Jungkook suddenly had the urge to run into a wall and hoped he would never wake up again. This entire week had already turned out to be one horrible nightmare. But as if his life wasn’t shitty enough before, suddenly it took a whole new turn. 

The shaking came back and was worse than ever. He was at a point where he was sure he would scream his lungs out, but Yuri would hate the noise. Jungkook felt dazed, the realization was the quickest way to kill the mood, and the fastest he’d ever lost a boner. 

After a while, he somehow found the strength to stand up again and open the door to the bedroom. Yuri had turned off the lights here too. The only light coming in was from the few that were turned on in the hallway and Yuri’s phone playing some type of video. It also didn’t take long for him to see that she had fallen asleep.

For a split second, he was sad she wasn’t awake. He needed someone to talk to, even if that involved telling her about the affair. He felt like he was seconds away from losing his mind. He probably already had at this point. How could he fucking forget protection?!

Despite his shakiness, Jungkook went over to Yuri’s side— the right if you were facing the bed— and walked over to turn off her phone.

She had a makeup ASMR video playing. Those always helped her sleep and she said she could learn a few things from them while she was awake. As gently as he could, he also took out her headphones and set them on the nightstand. His hands had been shaking so badly that he could hardly pause the video for her.

But as Jungkook made his way to his side— the left— the weight of his actions became even more unbearable.

Jungkook lifted the covers and got in bed, laying face down on the pillow. The fabric was soaked by his tears in a matter of seconds. 

How could things just keep getting worse?

•────•──────────•────•

You knew it would be awkward when you came into work. It was inevitable, considering what things were like the last time you saw each other. However, for your sake and Jungkook’s, you tried your best to ignore what had transpired and move on with your life, but that was easier said than done. 

The minute Jungkook dropped you off and you made it back up to your apartment, you were stuck in place as soon as you closed the door behind you. Time felt like it stood still and nothing around you moved, like space itself had stopped in order to greet you with an agonizing silence. It was to taunt you and let the thoughts of what you had just done fester, quickly gnawing away at your sense of self and your very being, leaving you to question the type of person you thought you were for your entire life. You couldn’t move, trying to process everything that happened. This couldn’t be real, right? 

This was Jeon Jungkook we’re talking about— the Jeon Jungkook who was the son of the CEO at the company you work at.

You pinched your arm so many times you were sure it was going to bruise in your attempt to wake yourself up. You were probably still fast asleep in your cozy bed, stuck in a dream that just wouldn’t end. Your sexual frustration had somehow managed to manifest into you dreaming about your late night meet-up with your boss ending with you sleeping together. All would be fine in the morning except for the fact you’d have to look him in the eye, knowing what your brain had conjured up the night before. It was embarrassing, but that honestly made more sense than everything being real and this night actually happening. 

You were sure you’d wake up at any moment, but your arm started to hurt, and you knew standing here probably wouldn’t do anything. You finally found the strength to move from the entryway and head to your room to start getting ready for bed. You showered, then laid down staring at your ceiling, just waiting for your eyes to shoot open and you’d see it was Tuesday, October 31st, all over again. 

Nothing… nothing happened. 

While the seconds ticked away, your hope was drowned out as you let your mind reminisce about what had happened earlier. The minute you opened the door, you could just see it on his face. He had looked so sad, a pain behind his eyes that made any sense of composure you maintained in front of him come crumbling down. You felt like you had to fix it. Your heart had nearly pounded out of your chest when you got close, holding your coats and his scarf. You didn’t know what you were thinking, pulling him close the way you did, but then his hands were on your waist, and— You flipped over, feeling your face grow warm. 

But that didn’t help whatsoever, because it was like a floodgate had opened, and now you remembered how his lips felt against yours, his hurried hands across your burning skin, and most of all, how his… You spent nearly the entire night tossing and turning, bouncing back and forth between your guilt and shame for somehow getting yourself involved in this situation, to Jungkook and his stupid…

There was a scary part of you that was selfish, one that wished you had invited him upstairs. It had been so long since you’d been in the arms of another human being, that you forgot how much better the experience was. You’d never had sex like that before— it was desperate and emotional in a way you still couldn’t comprehend. The way Jungkook had held onto you, with tears streaming down his face, kept you close. You felt it in the way he kissed you, pleaded for you, the way he touched you. The way he touched you… it had been so long. 

Your tossing and turning had stopped at some point, your fight trying to get Jeon Jungkook out of your head had been lost, hard. The ache between your legs returned before you even realized, and no matter what you did, you couldn’t stop imagining the way his body felt against yours, his fingers inside you, or the slick glides of his cock through your wetness. 

It was just Jeon Jungkook no matter how hard you tried to close your eyes. You were too tired to fight against your hand traveling down into your shorts, and you nearly cried feeling how wet you were. It was a low moment, the entire night had been a low moment for you, but you let the thoughts fully consume you as your fingers glided between your soaked folds and settled on your clit, rubbing needy circles over the bud that was still a little sensitive from earlier. It was a horrible realization, but that just made your deluded self even more hot. It had been real.

You pictured him, you pictured the night you shared, you pictured the nights you didn’t share where he was just existing in your vicinity. You had no idea this part of you existed, the one where you thought Jeon Jungkook was so hot he could get you this riled up. You had known he was attractive, you had eyes, but the emotions had never let you see him like… that. The soft candle glow that had painted him so prettily, the way his sparkling eyes would look at you, how much you enjoyed the way he looked at you.

“Jungkook…” You whined with seemingly no shame. It was embarrassing, but you had never finished so fast with just your fingers. For a split second, as the bliss washed over you, you found yourself wishing he was here and questioning why of all people he had to be married. But as the high washed over you, all that was left in its wake was the starkness of shame. The guilt you felt as you tried bringing yourself back to earth. You had slept and now masturbated to a married man… Jungkook had a wife, and he was your boss. You thought you were better than this. 

Your eyes had filled with tears, and you spent the rest of the night crying your eyes out because what was wrong with you? You might have just ruined a family— your boss’s family, and who knows what might happen to you career-wise if someone were to find out.

You didn’t really sleep that night; you highly doubted you even got an hour before your alarm went off, and you had to get ready. That day was awful. As you expected yesterday, both Solmi and Taehyung didn’t come into work, probably too drunk from their night of fun to realize their alarms even went off. There was some part of you that was glad they weren’t here. You had been debating all night if you should tell your close friends about your night, but their absence was enough to remind you of your words to Jungkook last night.

It was a mistake, a fluke, it shouldn’t have happened, and you wouldn’t tell another soul so you both could easily pretend like nothing occurred that night. And seeing Jeon Jungkook again… 

Jimin had told you that Jungkook was going to be coming in late, and you couldn’t help the terror that spread throughout your body picturing why that might be. Your mind had drifted to the image of him on his knees begging his wife for a second chance, or maybe she’d kicked him out of the house, or maybe she was going to come after you for ruining their marriage. It felt like every scenario had run through your head by the time you had made it to the meeting room, waiting on him. 

You weren’t prepared at all when you glanced up from your computer at the sound of the door opening, for you to see him again. Your eyes met from across the room, and there was a second, a painful second where your minuscule amount of hope last night had just been a horny delusion that you could simply chastise your brain for making up later, died faster than you would have wanted. You could see it in the way his brows furrowed at you as soon as he met your eyes, that you knew last night had happened. 

He looked really good too… He was in a navy suit, missing a tie, instead a few buttons were undone, and his long hair messily fell around his face in a way that made him look ethereal. He looked like he had run his hands through it one too many times, yet somehow it just made him seem even more perfect. You swore you heard the pearly gates calling your name, the church bells sing, and… You wanted to scream. What were you thinking?! Immediately you decided to just try your best to ignore it, pushing him away was your only option in hoping things went back to normal— they needed to go back to normal. He had a wife, you had your career, you had to pretend it never happened. 

That’s how it needed to be after all. That day was a mistake; it shouldn’t have happened. The more you pretended it was that way, the easier it would be to move past this, the more you could forget, and the quicker things would go back to normal. But deep down, when you were alone, or you’d see him again— doing that was much harder than it needed to be. 

That night would come back to you in a flash. You’d wonder if he was doing okay, was he thinking about the night like you were, or were you just another girl he added to his roster of infidelity? You highly doubted it, just seeing the state he was in you didn’t think this was a normal occurrence, but who knows. There was some part of you that wanted to ask, however you had to keep your distance— at least, that’s what you kept telling yourself. You knew it was a little rude to almost flat-out ignore him like that, but addressing it would create an even bigger issue. So mean, rude, standoffish Y/n it was then. 

You could still feel his eyes on you anytime you were near each other. Part of you wanted to say something, but for some reason, you could never find it in yourself to tell him to stop staring. You were still mad. This whole thing made you angry and you knew your friends could sense the tension. Everyone in the office could but they probably didn’t question why. They all still thought you hated him after all.

You did… didn’t… you…? It was confusing then and ten times more confusing now. Still though, you tried to keep to yourself and ignore what happened. You thought you were doing a good job of it until you got an email that Friday.

From Director Jeon Jungkook,

can we talk??

It was informal, nothing about work was mentioned, and it was all too familiar with the Jungkook you had met during your late-night rendezvous… meeting! Yes, you were only there for one reason that night, and it was to get things ready for the budget presentation. Maybe this was his attempt at trying to be more comfortable with you. He did say all the formalities felt weird considering you were the same age. That had to be it!

As much as you wanted to delude yourself, deep down you knew whatever he emailed you for had something to do with that night. 

You let him know you’d come over during your lunch break, resisting the urge to tell him you didn’t want to talk about it. But you figured it had to be at least somewhat important for him to reach out. It better be. What part of pretending nothing happened between you two did he not understand?

That’s how you found yourself making your way through the halls to Jeon Jungkook’s office. You tried to be as inconspicuous as you could, turning every corner with ease and looking around anytime you’d hear footsteps behind you. Just being in the same vicinity made you feel like someone would find out what you both did.  

Your brain had rationalized that being seen together would surely be the obvious sign to everyone that you fucked your boss a few days ago. It made no sense whatsoever, you knew that, but still, you made sure to be as stealthy as you could on your way over.

You hoped no one saw you, and you were especially grateful when you passed Secretary Yu’s desk and she wasn’t there either. If you could make this quick, no one would realize you were ever here. 

Staring at the door, you found your heart beating out of control at the thought of facing him again. You knew you weren’t ready for this, you probably would never be, but it was still so soon after it happened…

It took you a second, but eventually you found the strength to knock before pushing open the door.

You were greeted by a similar sight as last time. His office was almost completely dark. He had kept the lights off and closed the blinds so only a sliver of light was peering into the room through the cracks. You could only make out a vague outline, but as your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you could finally make out Jungkook sitting at his desk. You could see his hands were in his hair, and the more closely you listened, the more you could hear his soft sniffles. Your first instinct was to run over to see what was going on, but you refrained as you steadily made your way over, only narrowly avoiding any furniture in the way. 

“Jungkook?” You called out, your heart nearly speeding out of your chest.

“Y/n…?” His voice sounded so strained.

“Yes, it’s me.” You tried to keep your tone flat, but it wavered slightly as you got closer.

With the confirmation it was you, Jungkook reached over to the lamp on his desk and finally turned on the light. You were shocked to see how disheveled he looked once the warm glow of the lamp hit his features. His hair looked like he had run his hands through it way too many times, his eyes were shot, his face was red, and tears stained his cheeks. 

Seeing him like this, it was hard to keep up your tough exterior. You quickly made your way over to his desk, keeping a notable distance between you two— standing behind the chairs sitting in front of his desk. You feared what might happen if you got any closer. 

“Um, you asked to speak with me.” This is how you’d usually talk whenever he’d call you to his office. Part of you was still holding onto the hope that this was just work related. 

You watched as a whole new wave of emotion seemingly hit Jungkook, fresh tears falling from his eyes as his hands returned to his hair. 

“I—um— I know we said we weren’t going to talk about that night, but… um—” Jungkook tried his best to be firm about this, but his whole world felt like it was coming down. He couldn’t sleep last night thinking about having this conversation with you, and now that you were here, it all felt too real.

“… I don’t remember using protection that night.” Jungkook was only able to meet your gaze for a second, long enough to see the look of shock on your face.

A whole new wave of guilt washed over him. This was all his fault.

“I know I didn’t have condoms with me, and unless you did and I didn’t realize you put one on, then…” Jungkook looked like he was pleading with you to tell him he forgot, that he was just so out of it he didn’t realize you had put one on some time in between. He had no reason to carry any with him personally. It’s not like he was expecting Yuri to fuck him in a place where he’d need to have them on him at all times— hell, they hardly used the condoms they kept at the apartment. Jungkook had never even managed to make it through a whole box without needing to replace them first because they’d expired. 

Still though, they were always so careful whenever they had sex. Jungkook spent the entire night mind-boggled at how he could have been so careless with you. And now, because he couldn’t control himself, there was a chance he might have ruined both of your lives. His own life was already shit, but now he might be bringing you down with him. He already had, but somehow the pit only grew deeper.

You sighed at the question— slightly relieved this was going to be easy to answer. 

“Don’t worry.” You remained apathetic, not exactly the emotional breakdown he expected considering the gravity of the situation. All night Jungkook had pictured that the minute he’d tell you, you would scream and curse at him for being so careless. It was almost uncanny how calm you were in comparison. You used the exact same tone whenever you’d talk to him about work, in the office when you had a quick question, or in front of the prying eyes of your nosy coworkers, like it was the most nonchalant thing ever. 

While your words were soothing, he couldn’t calm down quite yet.

“I’m on birth control, so as long as you’re clean we should be fine.” It took a minute for your words to register, but an immediate flush came to his cheeks. He completely forgot about birth control or that ever being a possibility of the invisible contraceptive he had prayed all night for. He felt even more embarrassed that he hadn’t considered you had some type of plan that night. Of course, you were smart, you wouldn’t let someone so pathetic ruin your life.

You watched his face, and you were honestly delighted to see a slight look of relief quickly settle over his soft, saddened features. You tried your best to hide it.

“Oh— I’m sorry. Of course you thought about it— good. We should be good then.” His voice was shaky, and while his words said one thing, he still seemed stressed for some reason as his hands were quickly back in his hair. 

Again, you had to resist the urge to ask him if he was ok. Distance, you had to keep this boundary up. You needed to get out of here.

“If you’re concerned about the other issue, I’ll make sure to pick up a morning-after pill or something on my way home just to ensure we’re fine,” you added, and he slowly nodded. Honestly, even if he hadn't said yes, you probably would have gone anyway just to be safe. You should have done it sooner, but you completely forgot about that detail while trying to push Tuesday out of your mind. 

“It’s up to you…” He mumbled, but he still seemed off. You had to get out of here.

“If that’s all then, I’ll be on my way sir—” You bowed, trying to be as polite as possible, before turning around and heading for the door.

“Wait!” You couldn’t even take two steps before he was calling you back. You visibly tensed up as you slowly turned around. You were greeted with his shiny brown eyes finally meeting your own for the first time since you walked in. Suddenly you felt your knees start getting weak. There was no reason for him to look at you like that.

“Don’t leave… that’s not all I wanted to say…” You could see in the way he looked at you that this was going to be the conversation you feared when you walked in. You resisted the urge to mention that you both agreed not to speak about it, but instead you just crossed your arms, ready to listen.

“I— um… I owe you a major apology…” He stumbled and his hands were back in his hair.

“That night— I don’t know what was wrong with me— it shouldn’t have happened, you were right.” He stopped for a second, and you wondered what he was trying to get at. What more was there to say? It really shouldn’t have happened.

“But…” Jungkook’s voice wavered as he looked up at you. “I’m even more sorry that despite how wrong I know it was I—” he took a deep breath “I can’t stop thinking about that night.” He truly felt bad. Here he was, trying his best to put his mistake behind him, yet all it did was fill his thoughts. Where was the guilt? Why wasn’t he so ashamed that just the thought of you was enough to remind him of what he’d done?

He saw your hard expression falter for a second, but it was back before he even realized. Jungkook felt like he was at his wits end. Everything was crashing down, and he didn’t have much to lose at this point. 

“And now all I can think about is…” tears quickly filled his eyes knowing what he was about to say “— how I want to do it again so, so badly… it had never felt that good before.” It was a sad, deep, dark confession that he hated as soon as it came out of his mouth. Admitting it was nice was one thing, but wanting to do it again was another.

Maybe you could excuse that night as a one-time thing— he was a mess, you both had some wine, and shit happened before you both could even realize. It was nonsense, Jungkook didn’t drink nearly enough to say he was acting against his own volition, and it wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision either. He had thought about having you against every surface in the office before anything actually happened. He’d wanted you nearly as long as you’d worked here.

Jungkook finally had to look away from you as his words settled in the air.

“Jungkook… you know what continuing, even just acknowledging what happened— you know what that would mean…?” You were honestly baffled and you hated the way your heart nearly beat out of your chest at the mention of it.

“Yes.” It was so quiet, and with the faint glow of his lamp you could see a new wave of tears start running down his cheeks. 

“That night— it was all my fault...” His voice was shaky just thinking about it. 

“I told you that I’m in an arranged marriage and that things are rough right now… it’s my fault, everything is my fault.” It certainly was.

“Despite the circumstances we got married in, we both agreed to try to make our relationship work, and I’ve just kept messing things up no matter how hard I tried to make her happy.” It’s been nearly four years and he could probably count on one hand the number of times he’d made her smile.

“She hates me, and I don’t blame her at all— I honestly deserve it and more.” He deserved far worse at this point.

“Why would your wife hate you?” You couldn’t help but ask, but you regretted it as soon as it left your mouth. The fact you had somehow found yourself in this situation proved that something wasn’t right. But the question had bounced around in your head for the past few days, wondering what might be splitting the couple to the point Jungkook sought you out for relief.

He looked at you for a split second. “I don’t know how to be a good husband. No matter what I do, I don’t know how to make her happy like I should.” He attested with a level of pain in his voice that you weren’t prepared for. 

“Jungkook…” You were speechless… a deep, unsettling, uneasy feeling spread throughout your body as you listened. You had zero insight into the situation, but despite everything, it felt wrong to hear him be so down on himself. It was heartbreaking to listen to.

“I don’t think you deserve to be hated—” You tried to console, but Jungkook stopped you before you could finish.

“No… she deserves a better husband— a different one— someone who can make her happy, and I should just… just disappear— I can’t do anything right.” He tried to laugh but it just came out like a pained sob. It wasn’t funny and he couldn’t even pretend to laugh at that anymore.

“Jungkook—”  You called out again, but he stopped you in your tracks. 

“I hope you believe me when I say that that night was the first time something like that happened.” His shiny eyes looked up at you again, and you could have broken down right then and there. The pain, you could see it so clearly.

“I despise cheating and the fact that— that— that night happened, I just—” He couldn’t be more disappointed in himself. He’d forever tainted his marriage, just like his parents had done.

Even if Yuri never found out, the fear of her somehow discovering what he did one day… the guilt would kill him. Their anniversary was coming up in a few months— how could he look her in the eyes and relive the moments of their wedding day knowing he betrayed their vows, her trust, knowing that she had every reason to leave him?

Maybe one day he could finally get his shit together and Yuri could love him the way he’d always dreamed, but that would all come crashing down one day when she somehow found out what he did. 

Jungkook at least thought he was above that. The one thing he knew he could promise Yuri was that he’d always be by her side, faithfully and earnestly, yet he’d found a way to fuck that up too.

There really was no happy ending for him, was there?

“I’m sorry— it shouldn’t have happened, and I feel horrible bringing you into my mess.”

You wanted to say that you were equally to blame, but Jungkook was faster.

“And— and I just… I’m sorry— we agreed to try and move on from this but I just can’t stop thinking about you and that night and—” It wasn’t even funny how much he thought about you. Right before you walked in, he had the lights off to hide his shame because even in the middle of what he thought was a crisis, all he could think about was you on his desk. And seeing you now standing in front of him…

“I’m sorry…” Jungkook just cried. He really didn’t have the words to describe how he felt right now. 

“I spoke to a therapist about it.” Jungkook could instantly see the slight panic on your face at the mention of him telling someone about this. “I took your advice from that night about talking to someone. I really wasn’t in a good place at all, and if I hadn’t, I think I might have gone crazy. He was supposed to help me and Yuri with the issues in our marriage, but he’s helped me with more than just my relationship. Don’t worry. Yuri won’t find out.” Jungkook had full trust that the doctor wouldn’t tell Yuri about the affair. Even though their conversation wasn’t protected by doctor-patient confidentiality, he still knew the doctor wouldn’t say anything. He was expecting that Jungkook was going to tell her on his own time. 

You were a little taken aback by the news, but your memory of that night was clear. You knew when you parted ways that he really didn’t seem okay. The fact that it was a therapist he confided in made you relax a little.

“I went to him for a slap on the face, but instead he said— he said I should consider stepping away from Yuri for a little while and take the time to try and figure out what I want in life. But I can’t— I want her, and I want to make our marriage work somehow.” Jungkook was in tears again. He didn’t want to give up on his marriage yet. He couldn’t give up, so many people were counting on him to make this work.

“But I can’t think straight. I’m always so frustrated and you’re always in my head— I know I could be better— it’s not an excuse, I should be better, but—” What was he even saying?

“That night was— it never felt that good before— you were there for me, and despite how much of a mess I was, you—” Why? The question had never run through his head until now, but what could have possibly been your reason for being there with him that night? You were too nice. His thoughts were running a million miles an hour. He honestly couldn’t think clearly anymore.

“And your clothes— I’m sorry about that, I’m so sorry— it had— it had been ten months since I last, you know… but that’s not an excuse. I’m sorry, I should have been better.” He should have been. Imagine how disappointed Yuri would be if she knew. 

“Ten months?” This conversation had gone all over the place, but you couldn’t hide your shock at this piece of news. You had just let him rant, not wanting to interrupt to give him the chance to get whatever he needed off his chest, but you just couldn’t hide your reaction. 

Ten months was certainly not normal, especially considering he was married and had no kids to take up his free time after work. Suddenly, things started making a little more sense.

“It’s my fault— it’s all my fault— I’m not a good husband, I should have been able to wait longer if I had to— or maybe she would have wanted me sooner if I was better.” If he was better he wouldn’t have been in this situation in the first place. 

There were some things that Jungkook said that made your skin crawl. It was possible his whole spiel could be some convoluted way into excusing what happened between you two, but then he said statements like that that would make alarm bells go off in your head. That certainly wasn’t right. 

“But I want to be better. I want to make things right, and I just feel like I can’t do that when all I can think about is—” Jungkook didn’t finish, instead letting a pained sigh say everything he couldn’t. 

“And I know it’s pathetic, but I wanted your help—” There it was, what’s been on his mind since that night. “Maybe you could tell me what I could do better— how to make her happy, what I’m lacking. And I just can’t stop thinking about you—” He looked up at you with those shiny, round eyes that made it so hard to say no.

And there it was, exactly what you feared when you walked in. 

So much was happening, so many emotions thrown at you that you were tempted to take a seat in the chair in front of you to sit down and process it all. You tried your best to remove all emotion from this, to look at this as objectively as you could, but with Jungkook right in front of you and hearing everything he said—

You knew something was wrong from the minute you walked into your first meeting together, but you could have never predicted just how bad things were. You had no idea what went on behind closed doors. Maybe things really might be as bad as Jungkook said, but the hurt, pain, and desperation he spoke with made the wall you tried putting up impossible to keep from crashing down.

It took you back to Mi-Sun once again. You remembered talking to her in class sometimes and how she would spin every inconvenience into her doing. She always emphasized how it was her fault the other girls would tease her as much as they did. You didn’t understand it then, but Jungkook’s admissions almost felt like a repeat of what happened all those years ago, and you knew how that story ended.

“It’s my fault.” She had said so aimlessly as she stared out the window you both sat by.

“How is it your fault?!” You’d questioned, maybe a little too harshly. You couldn’t believe her words, considering you knew she had never done anything wrong. The girls were rude, you had no idea why, but Mi-Sun had been their target since you both made it to high school. 

She should have known this, and it just made you angry. “They’re the problem, they have always been the problem. They’re rude just because they can be, and for some reason, no one is doing anything to stop it, and—”

“Y/n, just look at me!” You had turned to your friend, her eyes teary, and you should have seen it sooner. “It’s all my fault.” She softly cried before you pulled her into your arms. 

You didn’t see it then, and the way Jungkook spoke now made you feel like you were back in high school, in class, right by the window you both would always sit by as Mi-Sun stared out, the light shining in her eyes growing dimmer as each day passed. 

“Jungkook… you know what continuing would mean…” You looked at him worriedly.

You saw the tears run down his cheeks again as he slowly nodded his head. 

“If anyone were to find out about that night, we could maybe just say we had too much to drink, it was late, or you could even mention your breakdown. Doing anything more would truly turn this into cheating. We’d have no excuses at that point.” Your eyes were sad as you noticed his expression grow more pained.

“And since you’re still trying to make things work with your wife— I just don’t think that’s the smartest idea. If we leave things where they’re at now, it would give us our best chance of going back to normal and putting the whole thing behind us.” 

You could see the consequences coming from a mile away. You knew there would only be trouble going forward. You certainly weren’t a homewrecker by any means. You didn’t want to be the reason things came crashing down.

Jungkook steadily nodded.

“I probably look pathetic right now— I’m sorry, I don’t want you to think I’m forcing you or anything considering—” Jungkook was your boss… or well, technically your boss’s boss, but the dynamic was still a little strange. It was all strange. This whole situation was strange. 

But it felt like you were with Mi-Sun all over again. You didn’t see the signs then, but Jungkook was right in front of you. You had the chance to help someone in a way you couldn’t help your friend in high school. What might happen if you just walked away from this now? A repeat? Or maybe something even worse. 

“You don’t look pathetic, and I know you’re not forcing me… it’s just… things are going to get really complicated if we decide to do this.”

The vagueness of your statement was intentional— it’s not like you were saying no, because you weren’t. You really didn’t want to get involved in this, but seeing Jungkook so low… You didn’t think he was pathetic, however hearing him rant like this was just painful. Things weren’t right, and finding out your night together made him feel even the slightest bit better made you want to help him in any way you could. You hated seeing the dark cloud storming over him and his sad, tired gaze anytime you’d meet his eyes. It was difficult to watch, and as reckless as it was, you wanted to do anything to take away his pain just like you had wished you could’ve taken Mi-Sun’s pain away.

Jungkook visibly picked up on the fact that you didn’t outright say no, and part of you hated seeing the glimmer of hope in his eyes. This really was a bad idea to even entertain the idea of continuing, but at the same time, it was nice to see his gloom wash away, if only for a second. But that moment only lasted for a second before his expression suddenly changed into something darker, somehow even more disturbed.

“I promise I'll be good.” It was an odd choice of words that immediately caught you off guard. 

“I’ll stay in line, I won’t ask for anything in return. I’ll wait until you want me. I promise I’ll be good, I promise.” It was his last-ditch effort to convince you. He was almost pleading with you. You couldn’t help but look at him strangely, wondering what he meant by that.

“I’ll be good— I have to be good— I don’t want to disappoint you either.” Things had truly taken a turn. Jungkook's expression grew more pained by the second, the cloud that hovered around him stormed with a concerning ferocity. 

“I’ll be good— I promise— I promise I’ll wait.” Jungkook was slipping off an edge you didn’t see coming. The tears so easily slipped past his eyes, an uneasiness behind his desperate gaze. For some reason, you knew deep down this wasn’t coming from nowhere, especially after hearing his rant earlier…

“What do you mea—” But you couldn’t finish your sentence. The wave had already come crashing down over him, and you saw Jungkook fall to pieces first-hand. Even in the subtle light, you could see he was shaking.

“I’ll wait, I’ll wait if you want me to— as long as you need me to— I’ll be good— I promise!” He looked you in the eye, but for some reason you felt like he was looking right through you.

“I don’t want to disappoint you— I’ll be good— I have to be good— I have to— I’ll wait— I promise I’ll wait!” This had turned into a full-blown meltdown. You could see it in the look in his eyes. Something was on his mind, and it was tearing him apart. As much as you wanted to remain as neutral as possible, you couldn’t just stand there anymore and watch this. You quickly made your way around his desk so you were standing right beside him. His hands were back in his hair and his rambling had nearly turned incoherent.

In the low light you could see his hands trembling, and you quickly had to stop the tears from pouring out at that point. You couldn’t imagine what he must have gone through to make him so upset. If this was all a ruse then he deserved to be in Hollywood, but even suggesting that this might be a trick just felt beyond cruel. He was clearly struggling…

“Jungkook— please— please look at me.” You tried to remain calm, but your voice wavered in the middle.

“I’ll be good!” You could barely make his words out through the sobs. 

“Jungkook… please look at me…” You gently tapped him on the shoulder. You were a little calmer this time, and that finally had him turning to face you, breaking him out of his trance.

He was finally looking up at you with his big, round, sad eyes, and your heart nearly broke in two when you saw his lip quiver slightly. He seemed so innocent, yet so broken, and you just wanted to fix him somehow.

You brought your hand up to lightly cup his cheek— they were wet, so, so wet, and as you moved his hair out his face, you could feel the tips had grown damp. Tears steadily continued to pour onto your fingers, but you tried your best to wipe them away. You also didn’t miss the way he practically careened into your warmth.

Such a pretty boy shouldn’t cry like this.

“I’ll wait…” He muttered as he looked at you. This time you knew he was talking to you.

“What do you mean you’ll wait?” You asked gently as you continued to wipe the tears from his eyes.

“As long as you need me to… weeks, months, years. I’ll wait until you want me.” Something about the way he said this, the pain in his voice made it that much more heartbreaking. Weeks were already crazy, but months, years? For some reason, the strain in the way he said this along with what he mentioned earlier, made you think this went deeper than his breakdown.

“I’ll be good, I promise— I’ll wait— I can’t disappoint you too.” He sobbed into your hands. Too? No, this wouldn’t do.

“Jungkook, what do you want?” You asked, looking him directly in the eyes. Your question visibly confused him at first, which just made you feel bold enough to go a step further. You looked toward the door before looking back down at him. 

“Are you expecting anyone here any time soon?” 

Confusedly, he shook his head. “It’s lunch right now— Secretary Yu went out to get something to eat and I don’t have any appointments.”

At this news, you let go of his pretty face and grabbed the end of your skirt. It was tight, so you pulled it up slightly before taking a seat right on his lap. You paid close attention to the look on his face, and you saw the panic before you felt it. His confusion turned into worry as he looked down at where you were sitting. He knew you could feel it, a surprise you had not expected when you sat down. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’ll wait, I promise!” He seemed panicked as he looked at you. His hands hovered over your waist, too scared to push anything further.  He said he’d wait, but he was hard underneath you.

Jungkook’s thoughts had been filled with you even before you walked in. They always were whenever he was in his office these days, the memories returning so vividly as he’d stare at his desk where it happened. 

“I can wait, I promise!” He tried to defend, but his brain was already starting to get fuzzy just from having you on his lap. 

“Jungkook, what do you want?” You asked again, wrapping your arms around his neck. He was tense, but you felt him momentarily grab ahold of your waist and pull you a little closer. It would be so easy to kiss him like this.

“I…” His eyes struggled to meet your own. You were so close. He wanted to look and touch everywhere, but he had to think about you. 

“I want to be good— I promise I’ll wait—” He had tears in his eyes as he stared down at where your bodies met. 

“Mmm…. Is that so?” You looked down and you wondered what he meant about waiting. Clearly he needed something now, you could feel it right underneath you. 

Jungkook shakily nodded.

“Until you want me, I’ll wait.” For a second, you ran his proposed arrangement through your head. What kind of affair would that be? Not that you thought about it before, but who’s ever heard of an affair where the guy is at the beck and call of the person he’s cheating with?

It was even more reason to believe he really hadn’t done anything like this before. Something wasn’t right.

“But what do you want?” Again, you asked because you wanted to hear it, but you felt like he needed to say it to himself even more. You could almost see the fear in his eyes as your question lingered. You could feel him shaking underneath you, and you couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking about… or who.

“To be good…” His eyes only met yours for a second before they trailed down your body. His words were saying one thing, but his eyes were telling you another. Maybe you should help him out a little.

When you started getting closer, Jungkook thought you were going to kiss him. Maybe he wished you did, but what you ended up doing was even more unexpected. Your face grazed past his own and suddenly your lips were brushing against his neck. 

“Oh…” Jungkook felt his cheeks warm, and his hands were gripping your waist before he could stop them. 

You didn’t tease him for long, instead planting gentle, light, feathery kisses along his burning skin. His brain was shot the minute you stepped close, but like this, he was fighting so hard to stop himself from pulling you closer. You felt so good against him, so good, and it was already so hard.

“Y/n…” It came out like a whine and he didn’t mean it to. His eyes were watery, it hurt so much.

“Mhmm” Your voice was soft and—

“Y/n— I’ll wait— I promise, but I’m weak, and please— if you don’t want this… just please go easier on me.” Jungkook finally just cried. This was Yuri all over again. He didn’t want to disappoint you too, not another person. He didn’t need another person to hate him.

“But what about what you want?” You scooted closer, inches away from where he wanted you the most. He thought this would be the moment you’d get off, where you’d tell him to stop crying and scold his very existence. But you didn’t.

Your kisses slowed and you lingered on his skin for longer, lightly sucking spots you somehow discovered were sensitive. Jungkook gripped your hips hard, and he couldn’t stop himself from rutting up into you. It hurt so much, and Jungkook wanted nothing more than to touch you. This was just cruel.

“Y/n…” Jungkook cried, unable to stop the tears from spilling over.

You pulled back enough to see his face. You saw the tears and quickly leaned forward to kiss his cheek. He stared at you wide-eyed, still with that pained look on his face.

“Jungkook, you keep asking what I want, but I want to hear from you. What do you want?” You asked again, softly. You were pressing buttons he didn’t know he had. Why were you being so cruel?

A choked sob left his lips as he held onto your waist tightly. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t do this. 

Like you were sensing his struggle, you leaned in again and started planting languid kisses along his neck. He didn’t have much resilience anyway, paper-thin might even be an exaggeration with the way he was feeling. You were too close and he was too needy, the days of longing making it impossible to think straight, to resist like he knew he should.

“Y/n…” It came out as a moan as you subtly moved your hips against him. This was a warning, a warning that you clearly ignored because your pace grew faster with each glide of your hips.  Tears poured harder from his eyes.

“Do you want me to stop?” You asked when he still hadn’t said anything. 

Jungkook felt his body react faster than his mind did. His arms came up and tightly wrapped around your frame. The thought of you leaving when he felt like he was seconds away from exploding made him panic. 

You were pulled flush against his chest before you could even realize.

“I want you so bad— it hurts so much— please don’t leave me.” He sounded exasperated. He was shaking around you as you could feel the tears running down his face and hitting your cheek.

Shame washed over him as his words settled in the air. He was begging. How sad and pathetic he must have looked. He was all too sure that he’d already ruined things with you. 

You seemed to sense he was spiraling, so you were quick to press gentle kisses up his neck, across his jawline, and steadily made your way across his cheek to settle right beside his quivering lips. 

His sniffling grew quieter as you worked. Instead, soft moans that he was trying to hold back grew stifled and needier. When you made it to his lips, there was a moment of hesitation. But it was truly only for a moment as Jungkook didn’t allow for anymore, finally closing the distance between you.

It happened so fast, you both nearly bumped heads at the speed he moved, and you weren’t prepared for how vigorous his kiss was. Jungkook kissed you like his life depended on it, and in some sense, you feared it really did. 

You were quick getting into it though, matching his rhythm until your lips were moving together in sync. It just felt so right. 

That same warmth Jungkook felt deep down in his chest on that fateful night was back with an overwhelming force. He could have cried— scratch that, he was crying, but for an entirely different reason. 

Your lips were so soft, and with your arms wrapped around him… for a second, all the pain washed away. There was no one else in the world, no worries, it was just you and him together, alone in his office. This felt right in every way possible, and he couldn’t get you close enough. 

The kiss was wet, hot, and you were so needy your body felt like it might burst into flames within a split second. It was destructive and consumed you both so quickly that you had no chance of coming to your senses. This was a bad idea, but you’d think about that later. Instead, you eagerly ground down onto him, making him softly moan into your lips. 

His hands rested on your waist, and you could feel his fleeting attempts to touch you more, but it was like something was holding him back. You pulled away and he really was too pretty, your lipstick was all over his face, his lips shiny and stained red.

“Do you want this?” He suddenly asked, out of breath. For a second his question didn’t even register, because what?

“I don’t… I don’t want you to think I’m forcing you into this. I’ll wait, you could even walk away entirely if you aren’t comfortable doing this.” He spoke with round, sad eyes like he really was concerned. But you could still feel him throbbing underneath you. How he was this hard over a little teasing… you honestly worried for his pants at how well you could feel his aching length. 

“Jungkook…” You sighed, lifting your hand to move his messy bangs away from his eyes. You could see his face a little better and it hurt seeing how red it was, stained with tears, and a sad look behind his dark gaze. 

You leaned forward, pressing a light kiss to his cheek before moving your lips right by his ear. 

“Would I be in your lap otherwise?” So soft and sultry in his ear. And he moaned, not holding back at all, completely forgetting you both were still in a public setting. He could have cum just from that alone. But he didn’t care, he was seconds away from losing his mind if something didn’t happen soon.

And then you were back to peppering kisses along his neck, this time going full force at sucking at the skin. 

“Ahhh! Y/n— please!” He hissed, letting the tears fall from his eyes. He was going to explode, he was going to explode, please, please just touch him. 

Jungkook didn’t wait for you to progress things further. He couldn’t find it in himself to be patient. Instead, his hands quickly moved down your waist, the arch of your back, and settled onto the curve of your ass, groping and feeling with a hurried need. 

The motion made you gasp, easily allowing him to slip his tongue inside. It was completely unexpected, especially considering how timid he’d been acting so far, you definitely weren’t prepared. He was the one in control now. It was his tongue that was exploring every inch of your mouth fervently. It was hot and heavy, with a desperation you hadn’t felt since you were a teenager. Your hands cupped his cheeks before tightly tangling in his hair, somehow trying to pull him closer. It was this antsy, erupting feeling. You both hidden away from the world while you tried your best to contain yourselves in a public setting. You could feel his excitement through his suit pants which he tried to hide while pulling you closer at the same time. 

“Oh fuck.” He softly moaned into the kiss as your hands found their rightful place in his long, dark hair. You pulled and tugged on the strands, enjoying the soft whines of pleasure Jungkook let out underneath you. 

It was happening so fast, yet not fast enough. Any time you attempted to pull away, he held you closer in his arms. It was hard to keep up, but you weren’t prepared for the heat to consume you so quickly, you felt like you were doused in gasoline. It was insane, and you wanted so much more with each brush of his lips against yours.

You were so in the moment that you weren’t prepared for his hands to go lower, slipping under your skirt to hastily pull it up around your waist. For a moment, it didn’t even register until you began to feel the cold breeze against the newly exposed skin. It was at this that you finally pulled away. 

For a brief moment, Jungkook tried to stop you, but then you felt the building confidence quickly leave his body as he realized something was wrong. He stared up at you, the shininess in his eyes returning all too quickly.

“I—I’m sorry…” His voice was shaking.

“Don’t apologize—”

“I’ll wait, I’m sorry. I’m rushing things, I’m sorry…” It’s like he wasn’t listening all over again as he shakily tried to pull your skirt back down. 

It was then that you realized how this might have looked. 

“It’s not that— it’s just… I know it’s a little hard to forget, but we’re in public… in your office.” You pointed out, and you saw Jungkook’s face grow red as he looked around. It seemed like he really did forget where you were.

“I’m sorry—” He cried, letting go of you entirely. 

“No— we don’t need to stop. Going all the way might not be the best idea, especially in a room without a lock, but I was thinking we could do something a little quicker.” You smiled gently at him. Jungkook was visibly confused at this, so you took this as your cue to slip off his lap and onto your knees right in front of him. 

“Will this work for you?” You smiled up at him mischievously, hoping he got the picture. But for some reason he still was staring down at you with those round eyes that made him look so innocent and… confused?

“What are you doing?” His voice was so small. Your hand was resting on his lap, so close to where he wanted you, and just— why did you have to get off of him?

It was your turn to be confused. 

“You know…” You lightly laughed, thinking this might be some type of joke, but Jungkook still maintained the same perplexed gaze. It was then that your face dropped. Suddenly the possibility of him actually being confused ran through your head.

“You do know what a blowjob is, right?” You were a bit blunt, but honestly you were expecting him to laugh at you. A funny joke in the heat of the moment to make you smile, but instead of the giggle you were expecting, you suddenly watched him get flustered.

“Right…?” You asked again, growing weary. 

“Uh— I do— did? I didn’t think they were a real thing people actually do…” His voice just grew smaller as he looked down at you. He quickly got the picture that wasn’t normal.

You immediately had so many questions. You were the same age, yet….? How, how did this happen? Did someone tell him that? No guy would ever think that without some type of influence. That also meant he probably wasn’t the most experienced, as far as partners go, because you highly doubt people came into his life and never once tried sucking his dick or at least offered. The other day Jungkook did mention he’s only been with his wife, and an uneasy shudder ran through your body as you mentally started connecting the dots. 

“Um— Jungkook, if you’re not comfortable, we could—” 

“No, please! Please don’t stop— I… please…” He cried, grabbing onto your hand that was sitting in his lap, but immediately he was horrified in himself, realizing he was begging again. Yuri always hated that so much. 

“I mean— I mean…” His eyes grew watery. “It just hurts so much…” Jungkook wanted to fuck you on top of his desk again, he was only a moment away from picking you up and doing just that. 

“If you’re comfortable, I won’t stop.” You gave him a warm smile, careful not to frighten or overwhelm him, along with a gentle, reassuring squeeze to his thigh to keep him relatively calm.

Jungkook subtly, but not so subtly, tried to move himself closer to your hand. He was hardly paying attention, his mind completely enthralled with needing some type of relief. He’d take anything at this point.

“Jungkook?” You questioned when he still hadn’t responded.

“P-Please…!” He stammered out, seeing how close your hand was. Just a little closer and he could…

You looked down and noticed his efforts, making you chuckle. “Alright then, I’ll be quick. Just let me know when you’re close.”

Again, he wasn’t paying as much attention as he should, but suddenly his eyes went wide as you lightly began running your hands up his thighs. Jungkook moaned at the touch as you ran over the very obvious outline in his slacks. Anything at this point felt so intense. He just needed more.

You were quick to give him just that. As you reached up to start undoing his belt, he finally had to look away, knowing what was coming next. 

You went a little slow, not to just tease him, but to give him a chance to turn back if he got uncomfortable at any moment. You were too fascinated by how tiny his waist looked to notice his growing panic.

Jungkook wanted to scream when you started to unzip his pants— he wanted more, but he was terrified. As he felt you pull him out from his underwear, his eyes grew watery, not needing to look down to feel your gaze. You were staring at him. 

Things were different from the last time. While he had the blinds closed and the lights were low, he knew there was still more than enough light to see him. A wave of anxiety washed over him faster than a tsunami, the dread of your judgment completely taking him out of the moment. He’d only been with two people before. The fear of it not looking right or not being up to your standards was still very real and alive. Maybe that was the reason Yuri didn’t want him, and you have probably experienced so much better— you deserve so much better than anything he could give you— 

His thoughts were spiraling, but you were quick to step in once again, noticing he’d grown tense underneath you. 

You directed your attention to his length that you had firmly grasped in your hand. You marveled at being able to see it in its full glory unlike last time. It was pretty and practically had you drooling, leaving you more than excited to see how it feels in your mouth. It was firm in your grasp and it curved slightly towards the flaming red tip, and you had to stop yourself from moaning at the delicious vein running along the side. 

You stared, maybe for too long, at the way it bopped at the slightest movements and gently started leaking precum onto your hand, steadily dripping to create a small puddle that ran down your skin. Staring wasn’t the right thing to do considering how self-conscious he seemed ,and it took you way too long to look up and see his attention on the ceiling with wet streaks running down his cheeks.

“You’re so pretty, don’t you know that?” You smiled as you slowly started to pump his length. The action was enough to make Jungkook look down at you, moaning at your words, and fuck— The sight was enough to send him to a new dimension and back. You had moved closer so your face was right by where he needed you, and you were touching him so well—

“Y/n…” It was a hushed sob. Any louder and he was scared he’d scream. His tears were now streaming for an entirely different reason. It was quick and all these emotions were swirling around in his head. It was too much and he wanted you to stop it.

Your strokes were slow, but it really didn’t take much. It had been too long, too much running away and edging; he just wanted relief.

“Y/n—” He cried again, this time more desperate. He was shaking.   

You put him out of his misery only slightly as you used your thumb to rub over the slit and marveled at the way more precum continued to leak over your finger with each swipe.

“Oh— fuck.” He whined, shifting around so you’d touch him more. His hands were balled into tight fists as he watched you, knuckles turning white in the process. Part of him wanted to look away in shame, but you commanded his attention in a way that he couldn’t turn anywhere else. 

You met his shameful gaze as you looked up at him with glistening eyes, and Jungkook hated how much he wanted to ruin you all over again. Leave you a mess so his colleagues could see how horrible he was. 

Jungkook was on edge and you had barely touched him. You could tell he was growing antsy, so you finally moved so that you were mere centimeters away from his pleading cock. The sight alone could have made him cum. You, staring up at him with eager, excited eyes, and as he looked down at you, a guttural sound escaped his lips before he could catch it. 

There was only a moment of hesitation, a moment that dragged on for eternity. With your gaze, you were waiting to see if he had any doubts about continuing, but Jungkook held on with bated breath, giving no signs of wanting to stop. 

He was a little confused… no, that wasn’t right… anxious? He hardly had a clue what to expect. He knew what a blowjob was… kinda? He knew what they were from videos he saw when he was younger, but everyone always talked about how exaggerated they were. He had no idea what a real blow job was like and what to expect. How long had it been since the thought even crossed his mind? He couldn’t remember anymore.

Jungkook was in his head again, but the very sudden feeling of your tongue quickly swiping across the tip briskly jolted him back into the moment, making him nearly jump out of his chair. 

Oh.

He didn’t even realize he had said it out loud, and at a volume that was far too loud, until the soft sounds of your chuckles got his attention. 

“Can’t be too loud~” You smiled, and Jungkook felt his whole body set ablaze with an inferno he wasn’t prepared for in the slightest. 

“Just let me know when you’re close—” you reminded him once again. He wondered if you could tell he wouldn’t last long. You would be right. “Sit back, relax. I’ll take care of you.” You smiled. 

Jungkook had to take a moment to stare at you. Your eyes shone from his desk lamp, your lipstick had already started to smear across your lips from your heated activities earlier, and your hair grew more disheveled by the second. Your invitation to relax and let you essentially take care of him made shivers run up his spine, and he couldn’t nod for you to continue any faster. 

He listened to your advice and finally leaned back in his office chair, waiting for you to have your way with him. The moment he got more comfortable, you were back on him, his cock in hand as you leaned in once again to give a teasing lick to the tip. 

Ohhhhhh—

He didn’t mean to, but you were teasing him too much. You probably thought it was pathetic how he practically chased after your mouth when you pulled away. It wasn’t long before you were back though, slowly swirling your tongue around the tip, tasting the salty precum that continued to leak with each swipe of your tongue, while looking intently at his antsy reactions.

“Ahhhh! Please—” Jungkook had tears in his eyes as he pleaded for you. He felt like he was going to lose his mind. This, fuck— this—

He probably had imprints on his hands from his nails at how tightly he had balled up his fists. Jungkook looked down at you, not wanting to rush you or beg, but he felt like he was at his limit.

Finally, you put him out of his misery. It came unexpectedly. Your gentle licks turned into you engulfing the tip with your mouth. You were slow. You didn’t want to overwhelm him considering this was meant to be his first time.

“Oh, fu—” Jungkook quickly covered his mouth. His fist tightened to the point he could feel his nails digging into his skin. His tears finally spilled as the overwhelming pleasure washed over him as you tried to take more of him down. It was new, a euphoria he had never experienced before, seeing you on your knees pleasing him, taking him so well… it was too sinful to be allowed. And you just kept going, further and further down and—

“Wai—oh my go—” Jungkook tried to whisper, but he was way too loud. He was going to cum. It was like he was suddenly pushed to the edge. He knew he was close, but not that close. 

“Oh—” He moaned. Your mouth was so warm, wet, and inviting. It reminded him too much of the fleeting memory of what it felt like to be inside you. Jungkook quickly had to shut his eyes, focusing all his concentration on not having this end so soon after you just started. The embarrassment— he couldn’t do that to you. But—

“Fuck!”

You went as far as you could before steadily easing back and popping off him to see how he took it. You knew he had been shaking, but you weren’t prepared for his look of distress. 

“You ok?” You lightly chuckle, caressing his thigh— and, woah, were you in for a surprise feeling how firm they were. How much did this boy work out?

You watched as tears slipped from his eyes. “Umm-mm-m,” his voice was shaky as he finally opened his eyes to look at you.

“Can— can you go slow? I won’t make it two seconds otherwise…” He was quiet and sounded out of breath already. His round cheeks were flushed and he could barely look you in the eye.

“It’s all about you. Don’t worry about it too much. Like I told you, sit back and relax. You can let go whenever you’re ready.” You smiled. All you wanted him to do was relax and enjoy it. He seemed so tense, he always seemed so tense. You couldn’t imagine what he must be going through for him to practically be in pieces, always on the verge of tears any time you’d just look at him.

Even now… You finally noticed his tightly balled fist, and he just seemed so tense— too tense for someone who was about to get sucked off. You quickly wrapped one hand around his length again and used the other to grab one of his fists and place it on your head. 

You didn’t want him to think too much, so you quickly took him into your mouth again. He must have understood what you meant because his hand was suddenly in your hair, and electricity ran through your body at the satisfying moan he let out. It was loud, almost like it was meant for anyone to hear. For a moment, you forgot you were in his office in the middle of everyone’s lunch break. That anyone could walk in at any time if you weren’t careful. It seemed you weren’t the only one. 

The moment was short-lived. Jungkook quickly brought his hand back over his mouth to stop himself from making any more noise. The moan caught in his throat was muffled, but you could still sense the urgency in his tone without hearing him fully.  

Each time you bobbed your head up and down, his reactions fueled you to push further. Jungkook was trying to be subtle, you could tell, and it was almost cute how soft he was. Your hand wrapped around his length to stroke whatever your mouth couldn’t take. He whimpered underneath you each time your lips came down around him, and you picked up on the cute way he lightly gripped your hair with each movement you made. It was so subtle, careful not to squeeze too hard, but you could feel when he wanted more.

Jungkook couldn’t even comprehend the emotions flowing through his body, all new sensations that made every touch you gave him feel so intense. He was barely making it as it was, but this was so new, and he just couldn’t—

“Y/n— I’m close…” He sobbed. He felt worse when you stopped momentarily to look at him because you had barely started. You were only a few strokes in and he had tried his best to push past and enjoy it as long as possible, but it was already too much, and—

“I’m sorry…” He cried, that creeping embarrassment washing over him with vigor. He was prepared for you to say something demeaning. Mocking that he could hardly last, that he was a disappointment, that you regretted doing this with him. He was ready for the painful words he’d grown so used to lately, but they never came as you popped off him with a smile. 

“Let go whenever you’re ready.” Your eyes were warm, and for a second he felt all fuzzy inside because it was more compassion than he deserved. 

He felt his eyes grow watery, but right before you were about to finish him off, a sound Jungkook recognized too well filled the emptiness of his office. The blaring ring of the phone that sat on his desk made you both freeze. In an instant, the thin veil you both wore over your eyes, shielding you from the outside world, was ripped away. 

You and Jungkook just stared at each other. An intense fear came over the both of you, but in the moment, Jungkook knew he had to act. He hurriedly tried to pull himself together enough so he could answer the call. With a worried glance sent in your direction, Jungkook slowly picked up the phone.

“H-Hello?” His voice cracked, the strain from all the crying earlier taking its toll at the worst time possible.

“Oh— sir, are you ok?” It was Secretary Yu. 

“Yeah— I’m fine. Is something up?” Jungkook rushed her. With the reassurance it was just his secretary and not an executive, an uncontrollable anger started boiling over at something coming in the way of his relief…

“I’m sorry to interrupt you! I know you’re on your lunch break, but Director Lee is here to see you about a supposed emergency.” Her tone sounded like she felt bad, but Jungkook was more focused on what she said.

He looked down at you, staring wide-eyed at him, waiting for the news.

“Um— can you just tell him to come back later?” Jungkook threaded his fingers through his hair, stressed and unable to hide the annoyance in his voice any longer.

“He says it’s urgent.” She already had an answer, knowing her boss well.

“Fuck.” Jungkook groaned as quietly as he could. It was crude language for work, but his secretary was used to it by now, often on the receiving end of frustrated rants when censoring himself was the least of his concerns. 

“Can you give us—  me a few minutes?” A slip of the tongue, remembering he was technically the only one supposed to be in here. Luckily, she didn’t seem to notice. 

“Of course, just call back when you’re ready.” And with that, she hung up and the countdown began.

As soon as she was gone, Jungkook resisted the urge to throw the phone across the room. Of course the one day he wasn’t in here by himself, Director Lee just had to show up. It probably wasn’t even an actual emergency. He had a habit of doing this from time to time in order for an excuse to speak to Jungkook, and of course this “emergency” had to happen today.

Jungkook looked down at you and debated whether or not there was any conceivable possibility of finishing before Director Lee came in. He was already so close, just a little longer and he’d be putty in your hands.

“What’s going on?” You finally asked when he hadn’t said anything.

“Director Lee’s outside. He says it’s an emergency.” Jungkook felt like crying. He was so close. 

You looked around, panicked, because there was no way you looked presentable, and Jungkook looked more than a little disheveled with his shiny lips and your lipstick all over his face. Instead of thinking about it too much, you hurriedly got to your feet, knees a little shaky from being on them for so long, but that didn’t stop you as you quickly tried to help clean Jungkook up. 

He looked up at you with wide eyes as you used your fingers to wipe away the red stains littered all over his cheeks, lips, and neck. His eyes were glossy and you had to resist the urge to kiss that look off his face knowing that would just leave marks again, but you let your thumb lightly caress his cheek.

“I’m not going anywhere. I promise I’ll finish when he leaves.” You reassured him as you tried to help fix his ruffled hair, moving the strands back in place and out of his eyes. 

Jungkook’s heart hammered in his chest so hard he was almost sure you could hear it. His mind was a mess, and the affection just made him want you even more. He would give anything to have you bent over his desk right now. 

He looked presentable, at least enough so that in the dim light hopefully Director Lee wouldn’t question anything. You, though… Where were you going to hide? You looked around.

Your first instinct was to hide behind the blinds, but that would never work in a million years. There was really nowhere in his office you could hide without it being incredibly ridiculous except…

“You think I could fit under there?” You asked quickly, pointing to the spot underneath Jungkook’s desk. It would be a tight fit, but there weren’t any better options.

Jungkook moved out of the way, and with a little maneuvering as you tried your best to find the most comfortable position, you were able to slide underneath. In the meantime, Jungkook went through the painful process of trying to tuck himself back into his pants.

He had tears in his eyes as he struggled for a moment. It was so hard, he was so hard, that at this point trying to get himself back in was more than a task. And his touch… anything could have set him off, but he worked carefully so he wouldn’t end up making a mess in his hands. He couldn’t disappoint you. But it hurt. It hurt so much that at this point, he just had to make do with leaving his pants unzipped because no way in hell he would be able to get them closed. 

With you squished under his desk and he now looking normal enough for this short meeting, Jungkook took a few deep breaths to calm his nerves as he scooched closer to his desk. 

“You— you ok down there?” He asked quickly. 

“Yeah, just don’t be too long.” You called out. Jungkook spread his legs a little wider to give you more room.

It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but at least the view made up for it. 

“I’ll try and make this quick. I’m so sorry…” Jungkook sighed, evidently frustrated. Of all days, this had to happen when he had been so close… so fucking close. Director Lee better have an actual emergency. He had a habit of coming in and claiming “emergencies” when really, he just wanted to talk. Jungkook knew what he was doing, trying to get into his favor in hopes of getting into his dad’s good graces, hoping for a promotion soon or after Jungkook was meant to take over. 

It was annoying under normal circumstances, but if he was trying to do the same thing now… Jungkook took a few deep breaths to calm himself before finally picking up the phone again. 

“Hey… yeah, you can send him in, but please tell him I’m busy and to make it quick.” You intently listened to his words and while Jungkook had tried to stay calm, you could still clearly hear the agitation in his voice.

It was cute. Maybe a little hot too? You shook the thought out of your head, not liking it at all. 

With bated breath, you listened to the sound of the door creek open and the hurried clicks of dress shoes slowly coming closer to the desk. Director Lee was alright in your opinion. He was one of the executives in marketing, but you weren’t sure exactly what he did. He was fine at his job, but he would talk for hours about the most obscure thing. You hadn’t really talked to him much, just seen him at the few meetings you’d attended so far as another executive, but hopefully—

“Head Director Jeon!” Director Lee’s cheerful voice rang out. Jungkook had tried to make himself look busy, quickly shaking his computer awake and mindlessly scrolling over some random document he had open before his breakdown. 

Jungkook almost rose to his feet on instinct, ready to greet him with a polite bow, but luckily he caught himself before the situation ended less than favorable. Instead, he kept himself busy before finally meeting Director Lee’s eyes. 

“Director Lee! I’m sorry for the wait.” Jungkook tried to smile as the man himself came over, bowing quickly before taking a seat on one of the chairs in front of his desk. 

Great. That likely meant this wouldn’t take only two seconds. Jungkook just hoped that wasn’t the case, nor did he notice the lack of greeting.

“I’m sorry to bother you when you’re busy, but there were just a few questions I had from marketing for you.” Director Lee smiled, and Jungkook let out a sigh of relief knowing this was actually about work. 

You were somewhat listening. You picked up on a few things you’d hear marketing discuss in the meetings you attended, but most of it went over your head. You honestly had hoped that this was only going to be a few questions, but you were always wrong. 

At some point, Jungkook briefly mentioned wanting to travel. They had been discussing something about the EU branch located in Germany, leading to Director Lee talking about the time he took his family there when he was on a business trip. Jungkook had quickly mentioned his desire to travel more, and then suddenly he was being handed Director Lee’s phone to look through all the pictures of the Lee family during their trips to all these faraway places. 

Although Jungkook did a good job at remaining calm in front of Director Lee, you could see the way his leg bounced restlessly as he listened to the director talk about the time his family went to Budapest from your position underneath the desk. You wanted to calm him down a little and without thinking too deeply, you placed a reassuring hand on his thigh, gently running your hand along it, letting him know you were still here. 

You hadn’t been paying too much attention to their conversation. After all, it wasn’t meant to be one you were a part of, and you tried your best to give them a little privacy. But right in that moment, you noticed the way Jungkook stopped talking momentarily about business trips as your hand trailed up his leg, before slowly dragging back into the conversation. 

Oh. You liked that a little too much.

Your reassurance was only meant to be quick, a very brief reminder that you were here, but you kept going, your hand going up further, up his thigh to where his open zipper laid. For a brief moment, you considered stopping. Director Lee was right there, but as you started pulling your hand away, suddenly another was wrapped around your wrist stopping your movements. 

It took a moment to realize it was Jungkook. You stared for a while, his tight grip fleeting as he lightly placed your hand back on his thigh, all while he continued on with Director Lee. It was just enough to give you the confidence to go further. Luckily Jungkook made it easy for you.

You were a little too eager slipping into his pants, pulling him out ever so gently, and feeling him in your grasp again. Jungkook immediately had his hand around your wrist the minute your fingers brushed against him. 

It was a warning, a fleeting one, one you could tell even he wasn’t sure about. For a moment you were sure his hand was trying to pull you closer. 

You had some common sense— you had no intention of getting him so riled up that Director Lee would walk around the desk to see you cramped underneath Jungkook’s desk playing with his cock. As much as you’d love to watch him squirm while he tried his best to remain composed, you also wanted to walk out of here with a job. You knew your limits.

You were subtle at first, You watched and listened intently as your thumb lightly traced over the tip. You got another instant reaction, his hand quickly tightening around your wrist, and you heard his voice waver slightly. 

Your efforts were slow and controlled. You didn’t want him to scream, but you did want him to feel it. Slow light touches grazed up his skin, so delicate, as you made sure he’d never forget you were here. It was nice, as he returned faint squeezes around your wrist. 

“You and your wife should come with us one day!” Director Lee bellowed out with a hearty laugh after Jungkook faintly wished he could have been there for that experience. The conversation had moved to Alaska and the Northern Lights now… you had no idea how they got on that topic. You were startled slightly by the sudden outburst. Your hand slipped and suddenly his fingers were laced in your hair and underneath the laughter, your ears instantly locked onto a subtle moan. 

Jungkook was quick to cover it with a cough that Director Lee seemingly didn’t notice. At this point, you feared you had gone a little too far accidently. You were going to call it quits until Director Lee left, but as your grip loosened, suddenly his hand was on your wrist again stopping you in your tracks. 

He didn’t want you to stop, and you wanted to please him. 

You pushed past your hesitation, instead deciding to get even more bold. You leaned forward enough to the point you were face to face with his weeping cock once again. You took it in your hand and lightly ran your tongue along the tip. You were instantly rewarded with his hand lacing into your hair, and you wished you could have seen his face. 

You listened to the way his breathing grew heavier with each swipe of your tongue. You also noticed the subtle way he’d try to keep your head down longer any time you came up. As wrong as it might be, it was hot, and as much as you didn’t want to admit it, so was he. 

He was painfully hot, so hot you once again found yourself wondering how you didn’t notice sooner. You honestly probably didn’t want to, your hatred blinding you from both his suffering and anguish as well as his… nice composition. That wasn’t entirely true… you knew that he was conventionally attractive, maybe a little more so than most, but looks meant nothing when he was being petty to you. Now that you were exposed to the cracks in his façade, you could push past your turbulent history and acknowledge the fact you understood the stares he received when he’d walk around the office and the swooning no matter his questionable leadership. You got it more than anyone now that you’d gotten a glimpse behind his sad gaze. 

Unfortunately, you understood it too much. Watching him try not to fall apart in front of the director made the ache between your legs apparent, and you wanted nothing more than to take him right there in his office. But this wasn’t about you; it was about him. You wanted that sad look behind his eyes to disappear, even just for a second. But later tonight you just might need to revisit an old friend you kept in your bottom drawer. A reunion was more than necessary at this point.

Curse him.

•────•──────────•────•

Jungkook should have stopped you, he knew that. This was embarrassing, the highest level of inappropriate he could have achieved, but he felt like he’d reached such a breaking point that he simply didn’t care. All he could think about was the orgasm that he was on the verge of having before you were interrupted. The minute you had your hand on him he never wanted it to leave. 

At this point, he was this close to screaming at Director Lee to leave. But he rambled on and on about all the excursions he took his family on whenever he got some time off. Jungkook tried his best to smile and nod along whenever he made eye contact, but the minute you had your tongue running along him, he could barely keep it together. 

Jungkook wondered how Director Lee hadn’t noticed. He wasn’t doing a good job hiding that something was up. Jungkook was struggling to keep his eyes open as your lips wrapped around him with the subtle flicks of your hand. At this point, Director Lee probably thought he had some type of cold by how much he had to cough to stop himself from moaning out for you to make him cum. 

He felt delirious, like he was looking over the precipice of a high-rise and the world around him started to spin as he tried to make out the ground down below. He was so close. So close to finally getting the release he’d been craving for days. So close, but of fucking course Director Lee just had to come into his office now.

“I’m sure Ms. Han would love Barcelona!” For some reason, Director Lee had already started planning out a trip that Yuri and him were meant to join with his family. Jungkook practically had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying that the last thing he wanted to think about was Yuri when he had you underneath his desk pleasing him so well. He didn’t want to think of anything; no work, no business, he just wanted to cum… why was that so hard?!

“I’m sure she—she—she… would.” Your tongue had licked right over the slit and he was horrible at pretending he wasn’t on the verge of losing it. You felt so good.

Your efforts weren’t enough to get him to cum yet, something he felt was intentional. But the longer he had to stare at Director Lee’s face, the more he was starting to care less and less about the world around him. He just wanted—

Please.

“It’s honestly beautiful— I went there when I was fifteen. It was a high school trip I’m pretty sure, and—” Blah blah blah, if he wasn’t out of his face in the next two minutes…

He didn’t want to hear about this trip. Spending any time with Director Lee outside of a work context felt like a nightmare. Jungkook knew that he’d probably end up spending less time with Yuri than Director Lee, talking his head off about some random thing he’s convinced they have in common. It maybe wouldn’t be so bad if Jungkook didn’t know his type as well as he did. It was all an attempt at trying to fast-track a promotion. Director Lee probably didn’t care about him at all, or the things they had in common, and would actually hate for Yuri and him to be there on his family trip. This conversation was pointless.

“And we’d have to go hiking across the… sights are so beautiful… the pictures I took were—”

“O-oohhh-oh…” It was a quiet, hushed moan and Jungkook quickly had to blink away the tears that had started to settle in his eyes at the strain of keeping it together. You had finally taken the whole tip and Jungkook was just getting worse and worse at covering up his moans. The cough that followed was a little slow, and he probably sounded in as much pain as he felt.

He wanted to see you, wanted to touch you.

“Head Director Jeon, are you ok?” Director Lee feigned concerned. He always insisted on calling him his full title instead of the more casual “Director Jeon” that everyone else used and he preferred. He would even choose the awkward “Mr. Jeon,” despite it making him feel weird since he was younger than the majority of the staff he worked with, over the full title. He hated people using it for no other reason than it always just felt like just an attempt to get in his good graces.

“Fine— just…” deep breaths… “The cold’s started to get to me slightly…” Jungkook tried to laugh, but his eyes were getting watery. He probably looked like a mess. He wanted you to make him into an even bigger one than he already was. 

“Oh! If you’re sick, I know a great tea recipe that would—” Jungkook couldn’t pay attention any longer than two seconds. He couldn’t stop imagining what might happen the minute Director Lee left, what you might do, and the blissful release afterward. He just wanted you, please, please, please…

He couldn’t do this anymore.

“— Director Lee, I’m sorry to interrupt, but—” it hurts so much “but I’m pretty busy today…” Jungkook tried to be nice, but he really was worried what he might do if Director Lee wasn’t out the door in the next five seconds.

Director Lee looked shocked for a second. He wasn’t expecting that. Usually Jungkook would always put up with his bullshit even though he despised the mooching, but today any longer and Jungkook would seriously cause a scene. 

Jungkook attempted to put on the best, most apologetic smile he could muster as the Director processed his words. 

“Oh, yes, I’m sorry. Your secretary mentioned you were busy before I came in.” Jungkook nearly jumped for joy when Director Lee finally got up from the chair in front of him. 

Director Lee bowed politely and Jungkook once again had to resist the urge to get up and bear him a respectful farewell, but that was out of the question right now. Instead, Jungkook bowed his head slightly, hoping the director wouldn’t think too much of it.

“I’ll be in contact about how things go at the US branch,” Director Lee mentioned and Jungkook had nearly forgotten that he had first come in with an actual reason. Aside from discussing some things about marketing, Director Lee had wanted to go over some information before he left for the US branch tomorrow, and that’s how they ended up talking about travel. It was then when Director Lee mentioned how his family just came back from London and he was flying out again.

Jungkook only nodded, nervous that if he spoke at this point the only thing that would come out was an embarrassing plea for you to make him cum. But to his delight, Jungkook watched Director Lee make his way to the door. You must have heard him leaving because the minute the sounds of his footsteps echoed off the marble floors, you quickly kicked it up five notches, finally putting Jungkook out of his misery and taking him down your throat again. 

Jungkook’s eyes fluttered closed as he took it all in. Your mouth brought so many new sensations, he was having trouble keeping up. It felt good, and deep down he selfishly relished in it all. 

“Have a good day, Head Director Jeon.” Director Lee bowed and Jungkook wanted to scream at him to leave, but instead he sent another pained smile and a slight wave his way. 

When he heard the door close, Jungkook let his head fall to his desk. Silent besides the now obvious sounds of you shifting underneath the desk. It hurt so much, he just wanted to—

“Please, please, please make me cum!” A hushed sob escaped as the tears finally spilled from his eyes. He was shameless and his ears felt hot with embarrassment, but for a moment he didn’t care, he just wanted to cum. 

He felt you gently tap his leg and he finally remembered that you were cramped down there. He quickly rolled his chair back, giving you the opportunity to climb out from under the desk. He watched with hungry eyes as you stretched your tense limbs. Even fully clothed, just watching your body move under your blouse was more than enough to make him lose his mind. 

Get it together, Jeon. But he couldn’t, he wanted you so badly— his watery eyes stared as you moved back into a comfortable position between his legs. 

“Please— please— I’m so close.” He cried. 

You looked at him with those kind eyes and gave him a warm smile that tingled more than just his heart. 

“I got you, just let go when you’re ready.” You didn’t even give him a chance to answer before you took him in completely. Jungkook couldn’t stop the moan that fell his lips at the warmth and wetness your mouth provided. It was amazing, you were amazing, you always were. Your pace was quick this time, sensing his urgency. It was probably only a few seconds before that growing feeling returned, this time with no plans of stopping. 

“C-close!” Jungkook hurried out, but he feared you couldn’t understand him with how mangled it came out.

Jungkook let one hand tangle in your hair, needing to grab ahold of something, while the other came over his mouth to stop himself from screaming. For a second, he worried if he was doing this right, was he embarrassing himself right now? Did you hate him? Did you resent him for pulling you into this? This was all so new, he didn’t want to mess things up, but he couldn’t think clearly and hardly had the capacity to care right now.

Jungkook finally found the strength to look down, the sight of you taking him so well caused sparks to run through his body, making it impossible to delay the inevitable.

“Your mouth!” It came out a little louder than he wanted it to, but it was meant to be a warning. He was close, and if you didn’t move away soon then… He thought you’d move off of him, maybe finish him off by hand, but instead you sped up your pace despite his warning. For a second, Yuri flashed in his head, and the sheer utter fear of disappointing you like he’d done to her so many times came crashing down like a wave in a storm. 

As he sped toward the edge, he tried his best to delay it until you could get off of him. Yuri would hate the mess and he feared your reaction— no, he had to last just a little longer—

“Y/n, I’m serious, I’m—” His efforts were fruitless. The tears in his eyes finally spilled over; the pleasure and the guilt grew overwhelming. His body was on fire, and the sheer relief of having you this close made the end come all too quickly.

Jungkook kept his hand clamped over his mouth, but his attempt was futile as moans still slipped from his lips. They were muffled, nonsensical, and sounded as pained as he felt, the blinding hot release spreading throughout his entire body and ultimately into your mouth. Tears ran down his cheeks, his grip in your hair growing tighter as you steadily worked him through his orgasm.

“Fu—oh—go—fuck.” There weren’t words to describe how good he felt.

He could feel his release paint your mouth, a horrible mix of shame and something else he didn’t want to admit bubbling in the depths of his mind. His whole body shook, even after what felt like an endless stream of his release filled your mouth. Wave after wave of tears just kept coming because finally… fucking finally.

He momentarily forgot where you both were and who he was. It just felt so good to forget. It was the freedom he craved when he was alone sometimes. But this was wrong, he knew it was.

As the wave started to die down, instead of a graceful landing, he practically crashed with how quickly new tears started spilling from his eyes. His muffled moans turned into sobs and he couldn’t bear to look down at you. He didn’t want to see your disappointment. You were already so kind, and he just had to go and ruin it because he couldn’t wait until you had moved off of him. 

“Jungkook, you ok?” Your voice was laced with concern as he felt your hand running along his thigh.

“I’m sorry!” Jungkook just sobbed. His face was wet, and his hair was soaked with tears and sweat. He knew he looked like a mess.

There was a moment of silence while you tried to rack your brain for what he was talking about. “Why are you sorry?” You were so gentle, hating how upset he seemed. 

“I tried to— I tried to wait— I’m so sorry!” He choked out, trying to be quiet as Secretary Yu was right outside, but the shame that crept over his body made it hard to stay in control.

You looked notably shocked.

“I told you that you could cum whenever you were ready,” you chuckled, rubbing his leg gently. 

“That’s not— your mouth… I came inside— I’m sorry.” Jungkook finally looked down and you could see just how distraught he seemed, the wetness around his eyes more than heartbreaking. Finding a little strength, you finally rose to your feet. Your knees were achy, but you persevered so you could face him a little better. 

You took the initiative and brought your finger up to his chin so he’d look at you. His eyes were shiny, red, and filled with a sadness you couldn’t quite comprehend. This wasn’t how this was meant to end.

“You don’t need to apologize for something I wanted.” You gently rubbed your thumb along his wet cheek. Your cheeks burned from the confession, but you were glad you said it when you saw the tension fall from his soft features. 

“H-huh?” 

“Maybe I should have asked, but I thought it was best to avoid any mess.” Might he have preferred it more if he painted your face? The image in your mind made your face even hotter, not exactly against the idea if you didn’t have to worry about walking out in front of your coworkers.

“I thought I messed up already… made you disappointed, that you— you’d hate me too.” Just the word hate made his eyes watery all over again. He’d heard it too many times from Yuri, and he was sure it wouldn’t be long before he heard it from you too.

It was then you realized what he was referring to, that he thought somehow cumming in your mouth was a mistake he made? It was crazy and reaffirmed that Jungkook was telling the truth when he said it was his first time having someone go down on him. But that was the least of your worries, instead, the harsh words he’d expected as retribution stood out to you more than anything. The truth of the reasoning behind his sad eyes, why his dimpled smile never appeared anymore, and the sense of what might be happening behind closed doors grew more terrifying the more he spoke to you. 

“Just wanted you to feel good— I can’t hate you for that.” You smiled, and you were a little shocked when you suddenly felt his hands on your waist pull you closer.

“Did it feel good?” You giggled at the affection, but your face was burning. This isn’t what you expected from him. 

Instead of answering, Jungkook tugged you down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around your frame, pulling you into a tight embrace. 

“Thank you…” He shakily sighed. You couldn’t truly understand the relief you brought him. It was his gratitude for everything— for being here with him, for putting up with his pathetic desperation, for making the thoughts that clouded his mind dissipate for only a second, and the list could go on really. You seriously were as amazing as he imagined. 

“I didn’t know… it just— it felt so good, thank you… thank you.” He sweetly mumbled into your blouse. You would have never pictured Jungkook as the affectionate type, and your body and mind were struggling to keep up. You tried your best to ignore the way your heart was nearly beating out of your chest, instead choosing to just be there for him. If this is what he wanted, you’d happily oblige, doing whatever it took to make him feel better— to fix him. 

“No need to thank me— if anything, thank you.” You laughed. You were just as guilty as Jungkook. All you could think about since Tuesday was Jungkook’s body pressed against yours in a heat of emotion. You thought giving him the cold shoulder would be enough to forget it all, but you were so easily pulled back in. You hated it, right now you wanted to avoid the consequences, but you couldn’t stop the growing warmth spreading through your body seeing him feel a little better. 

You expected him to laugh along with you, but Jungkook’s gaze just held onto yours before his eyes started traveling down to where your bodies met. You were a little confused at first, but once his eyes met yours again, you realized you knew that look all too well. 

Oh?

You watched with curious eyes as he started leaning in, curious what he might do considering how timid he was earlier. Maybe it was because he was still riding the high you gave him only minutes ago, but this time he easily pulled you in to meet his lips. 

He was so gentle, he always was. You quickly realized you liked the way his kisses felt, the way he held you close. You didn’t hate it; you couldn’t hate this at all. The soft moment was over quickly though, as his hands started running along your body, instantly making the simmering flame reignite inside you. Your hands quickly found a place running through his long, damp hair, pulling him closer because the last thing you wanted right now was to be away from him. 

All of a sudden, Jungkook wrapped his hands around you and hoisted you up onto the desk. He was standing between your legs, much like the position you found yourselves in a few days ago. Then his lips were on your neck, light, but more than enough for a soft moan to leave your lips before you could stop yourself. Your body was hot, and the urge to pull him closer was growing painful at this point.

“I want to make you feel good too,” Jungkook softly whispered against your skin. Dangerous, the words were so dangerous, and you wondered if he noticed the way your legs wrapped around his waist tighter, wanting to make that very wish come true.

“You’ve been so good to me— it feels so unfair, like I'm being too selfish. You’ve made me feel so good, you should too.” This is certainly not what you were expecting out of this interaction. You had imagined that since Jungkook was cheating on his wife with you, this was all going to be about the indulgence he couldn’t get from his wife.  You were just the method he’d use to get himself off. It’s not like you entirely hated the idea of him using you for relief, you were here to help him after all, though anytime you’d think about it as an affair it made you sick. But you never thought there was anything in it for you. 

Jungkook’s warm hands sliding up your thigh took you out of your thoughts, steadily pushing up your skirt in the process. When he held you like this, it was easy to forget where you were. 

You placed your hand on his, stopping him from pushing it any further. You noticed his eyes glance down, and suddenly panic spread across his features as he quickly grew noticeably flustered.

“Oh— was I being too pushy? I’m sor—” You quickly shushed him, not wanting him to overthink it.

“It’s just— we’re still in your office in the middle of a work day,” you pointed out. It was easy to forget that in the heat of emotions. Plus, Jungkook had the blinds closed, the lamp on his desk the only lighting for the room. But the glimmer of sunshine slipping in from underneath the blinds was the sole indication that it was, in fact, the middle of the afternoon on a perfect, cloudless, sunny day.

Jungkook looked over at the windows as well, and you noticed the way his face flushed. It seemed he had forgotten as well. 

“Ohhhh, right.” Jungkook shyly mumbled, clearly a little disappointed. “I’m sor—”

“Don’t apologize. I honestly want to take you up on the offer— just not here where someone might walk in again.” At the mere mention of Jungkook touching you, your body remembered how his fingers felt inside you that night. Despite his clear lack of experience being on the receiving end of pleasure, Jungkook somehow knew how to touch you in a way that made you see stars. 

Jungkook pulled you a little closer. “I know a place— uh, only if you’re interested.” He quickly added, always so polite. 

You gave him a look that told him to keep going. 

“It’s a storage closet for most of the cleaning supplies and sometimes additional things for the office. Only the janitors use the room, but they hardly go in there since it’s not really a janitor's closet. They mainly use it for restocks of their supplies. Plus, no one can come in without the required access,” Jungkook explained, and it sounded perfectly like what you needed. 

“I’m assuming that means you have access then?” You looked down at the lanyard he had sitting on his desk. 

“I’m the only one aside from the janitors.” He shyly smiled.

You thought about it for a second before hopping off the desk. “Alright then, sounds like a plan. I have a meeting to get to and some work to do— but are you free at four?” You asked, trying your best to smooth down your hair and clothes.

Jungkook moved out of the way slightly, and from the corner of your eye, you could feel his gaze scanning over your body. You couldn’t stop the smirk spreading across your face.

“Uhhhh…” For a second, you wondered if waiting until four was too big of an ask. 

“I can wait— yeah— four’s ok.” There was a shakiness to his words that made it seem like he didn’t entirely believe himself. He really was too cute.

You focused on trying to get yourself back to normal, working on your hair with only your hands as best you could. Jungkook helped you get the smeared lipstick off your face, and you helped him with a similar problem along with taming his hair and fixing his shirt so it didn’t look like you’d been tugging on it for the last half hour. 

In the end, you were able to get yourself to look somewhat decent. You realized way too late that Jungkook had a mirror in his office and you were able to address the details that he might not have seen. Jungkook looked good too. Well, he always did, but maybe you might say he looked even better than when you first walked in?

He had this cute, dopey grin on his face, and the way you had messed up his hair made the soft curls cascade around his face in a way that made him look incredibly ethereal. He had what some might call a ‘glow,’ and it didn’t take much speculation to figure out what it might have been from.

A swell of pride filled your chest, along with a bit of relief knowing you were able to make him feel better, even if only for a short amount of time. 

Your goodbye was brief. You knew your coworkers, Taehyung and Solmi especially, would be looking for you by now.

“See you at four,” you mentioned as you took one last look in the mirror. Jungkook had told you where the closet was, and he was sitting on his desk looking at you while you finished getting ready.

“Mhmmm” He lulled. “Can’t wait~” It was a shy admission that made this cute, boyish grin appear on his face.

You had to get out of here.

“Alright then, don't forget to eat lunch!” By the look on his face at your words, you knew he probably hadn’t even thought about it. 

“Don’t forget… you’re on your lunch break after all.” You reaffirmed, knowing there was a chance he’d still forget even after your reminder. 

“I won’t… see you later.” That same dopey smile appeared on his face and you had to physically tear yourself away so you could finally leave. Curse him and that face of his.

You were finally able to leave. You hastily sped past Secretary Yu, and in the corner of your eye, you caught her confusion at your sudden departure. You could only hope she hadn’t heard anything. You don’t know how long she was there…

•────•──────────•────•

Maybe you should have just taken Jungkook up on his offer to take you right there on his desk again. You had underestimated your own ability to wait. Jungkook had riled you up too much. Watching him lose himself from your mouth, with his eager need to reciprocate, made you excited. 

You hated it. You hated this. Just like that night, you had left his office feeling good, but once you made it back to your desk, those feelings of guilt and shame came back all over again. You had to remind yourself a couple of times that this was a married man you were messing with. He had a wife, and you were jeopardizing any chance of their relationship ever improving. The thought of being a homewrecker, the other woman, made your skin crawl. You hated it.

This was wrong, and that was all you should be feeling as the weight of your actions started to sink in. You hated it even more because you were excited, painfully so, as you watched the time tick down.

Jungkook certainly didn’t help either. It seemed his eyes were on you any chance they’d get. The strange thing was you saw more of him today than you usually do. Jungkook liked to spend his days holed up in his office, aside from the meetings he was required to attend and oversee, but today things were different. 

Jungkook was everywhere you turned, that same dopey look still on his face, and he always seemed to be staring at you. You wanted to scream at him because he couldn’t make it any more obvious, but you couldn’t because you liked his hungry gaze. It just fueled your thoughts about what might happen at four.

You were uncomfortably hot despite the freezing temperature outside. You were angry, you were way too horny, and as much as you should have been running away when the time finally struck four, you couldn’t have been happier. 

Jungkook had texted you about an hour ago (you both had quickly exchanged numbers right before you left) that he was going to go about five minutes or so early to let you in and asked for you to wait a little while just in case anyone saw anything. Just like a few hours prior, you walked through the halls looking over your shoulder, closely analyzing to make sure no one was following or even seeing you in the hallway. It was more stressful than it should have been, but eventually, you made it to where Jungkook had instructed. 

Storage Closet. Okay, this was it.

*Knock knock,* you paused for a second, and then followed it up with an additional two knocks. It had also been his idea to add a special, secret password just in case. You thought it was a little much, but he looked so cute while he came up with the code, so you let him have his fun. 

It took a second, and you were a little scared that for some reason this wasn’t the right door, or that maybe Jungkook might not be there yet and you came too early. But right as your anxiety soared through the roof, a small crack opened in the doorway. 

Lo and behold, peaking right through the door were the big, round, bewildered eyes of the man you were hoping for. You let out a sigh of relief as he opened the door further, revealing that it was just him in here like he promised. You looked around once more before going inside. 

Jungkook had kept the lights off, but as he shut the door behind you, he finally turned on the dim light and you were able to see the space a little better. It was pretty much exactly what you expected. There were mainly shelves lined with cleaning supplies and the occasional surplus of office supplies, like a huge stack of printer paper that you quickly made note of to ask Jungkook about later because you were always running out in the copy room. Besides that, there were a couple of tables you were confused what they were for, but some lined the space where the shelves ended, and there was also one that sat right in the center of the room. The room wasn’t that big, smaller than Jungkook’s office, but not by much. It definitely wasn’t cramped, and you let out a sigh of relief knowing it wasn’t grimy like you had feared. Instead, it matched the rest of the modern sleekness of the office outside. It really was perfect. 

You finally turned around to face Jungkook. He hadn’t said anything yet, but with the telling look in his eyes, he didn’t need to. You had only just noticed that Jungkook had gotten rid of his suit jacket, now just adorning his white button-up carefully tucked into his blue slacks with the sleeves rolled up. It all came together with a black belt with a shiny, gold buckle that glinted in the low light. You could only imagine how much it cost knowing the type of money he had. He looked good, too good. It’s like he had a long day at work, casting aside his jacket for a little more breathing room, and was now standing right in front of you. He looked casual, but classy in a way that made you squeeze your thighs together because, wow. With this look, you could even catch a glimpse of the tattoos that you had seen the other day. It was too much. You were too weak, and you just needed this man now. 

“Sooooo…” you began, the silence starting to grow a little awkward.  

Jungkook honestly didn’t know what to say. He was too busy drinking you in. The minute you left his office, he instantly regretted not asking if you had time to slip away to the storage room a little sooner. He was riding a high he didn’t know how to come down from. You had blown his mind. Sex had never felt that good, and you taking the initiative had been something he struggled to comprehend all day. It just made him even more eager to please you. You had been so nice, nicer than what he deserved, and he just wanted to make you feel even a sliver of what you gave him. He highly doubted it could compare, but anything to show you how grateful he was to have you here with him. 

Jungkook had struggled to keep it together since the moment you left. His eyes found you easily as he was pulled out of his office far more often than usual. It was nice to see you, but it just made this moment that much harder to wait for. Now that you were in front of him…

Jungkook barely noticed you had spoken. Instead, his gaze fixated on your long legs, your sheer black stockings coming up all the way to meet your short, black pencil skirt. Your outfit was completed nicely with a red blouse and pointed stilettos, making you even more alluring. You had also done a bit more fixing up since you left his office. Your red lipstick was back to perfection and your hair was neatly styled back the way it was when you initially walked into his office.

He didn’t have the confidence to say it earlier, and he was honestly a little ashamed that it was even a thought in his head, but he liked the way you looked after he was done with you. Something about ruining your neatness made his length ache in a way he didn’t quite understand. It was embarrassing, and he knew he should be ashamed, but for some reason today, he just didn’t know how to act. 

Jungkook’s feet acted faster than his mouth could. He was never the best with words anyway. Slowly, he approached you, and instinctively you moved back until your legs hit one of the tables that lined the walls. Jungkook was quick to close the gap, pulling you into another tight embrace that made it so easy to bury into your warmth. For a second he just took it in, loving how you felt in his arms, and you smelled so good too.

“Fuck.” He lightly moaned into your shirt, embarrassed at how easy it was to rile him up. It didn’t take much from Yuri, nor did it take a lot from you either. Maybe he was easy. Yuri has mentioned before how easy he was to please. Jungkook never knew exactly what that meant. He was just trying to be a good husband. It felt wrong to demand anything more than what Yuri offered… but maybe she was right.

However, he didn’t want to think about that now. You made it so easy to forget about his marriage when normally the only thing he could focus on was how much of a failure he was, how he was making Yuri miserable, and how he could make her happy only if he was a little better. Instead, it felt like the rest of the world melted away anytime he was in your presence. It might sound horrible, but he enjoyed the silence for once. 

“Jungkook?” You finally questioned after he held onto you a little too long.

“Oh right, I’m sorry.” His face burned, worried you might think he was weird. He separated from you and went back over towards the door, where he held up his hand to the light switch.

“Not a lot of people come down this hallway. No one should bother us, but just in case, it might be better to keep the lights off so no one suspects we’re in here,” Jungkook added. It was both a legitimate reason and also an excuse to turn the lights off again. The lights were dim, but not dim enough, and the thought of you seeing him, disappointing you like he had done to Yuri so many times… he couldn’t do that. It would be easier this way.

“Oh? Smart thinking, sir.” 

Jungkook quickly flipped the lights off, the only light now coming in was from underneath the door. Both of you could hardly see each other, but Jungkook was used to the dark. His eyes adjusted quickly to see a vague outline of your form standing by the desk.

“Mmmmm… What did I say about being so formal with me?” His tone was low, teasing almost, and when his hand grazed your arm, you practically jumped in surprise. It made you shiver when you realized he was so close.

“No Sir, no Mr. Jeon, no Director Jeon, no Head Director Jeon. It’s just Jungkook when we’re alone like this,” Jungkook mumbled slowly. He hated it, especially from you. It felt weird anytime anyone was formal with him, but he especially couldn’t stand the honorifics when you were both literally the same age. It felt wrong and fake, and that’s not what he wanted to be like with you.

“I got you. I’m sorry, Jungkook.” You made sure to emphasize his name since apparently he liked hearing it.

He did. He really did for some reason. Taking him out of the moment slightly, he had to stop himself from giggling at you trying to make him out in the dark, your squinting all too adorable. It made the horrible need to have you consume him in seconds.

Jungkook had his arms around you again, this time to lift you onto the table. He was gentle, like he always was, and he kept in close proximity. Having you this close again made his brain all fuzzy. Jungkook moved even closer and pulled you back into his arms. 

“I missed you…” he sighed, an embarrassing confession but one that was true nonetheless. He couldn’t stop thinking about you since you’d left, and it felt so good to have you here.

You didn’t want to admit it either, but it felt so good to have him here as well. You sighed in relief as you pulled him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

It was a moment of softness that neither of you were really prepared for. It was nice though; you couldn’t deny it. He gave great hugs, so warm and inviting. There was an unexpected sweet smell in the air around him. You could tell his cologne was expensive, it was soft and delicate, just like the wine he gifted you on Tuesday. You felt like you could get drunk from his very presence, and that just made the ache even worse.

“Jungkook, please—” you rushed out, and he was quick to respond. Jungkook pulled you close, finally closing the agonizing distance between you two. You both had run out of patience to be soft and you were too needy to take it slow, instead going straight in with hurried and desperate kisses.

Your lips chased after each other. Any moment apart felt like an eternity, and when his hands came up and gently tugged on your blouse, the room grew hot quickly. You both knew at the end of the day, as much as you wanted to savor this moment, you were still in the middle of the workday. This had to be quick. 

Jungkook let his hand roam down your sides, touching and squeezing anything he could grab. Your blouse came first. He anxiously toyed with the few buttons it had and you both made quick work of undoing them until you could feel the chill air of the storage room on your chest. It made you remember what you had on underneath, and you cursed to yourself slightly when you realized it wasn’t anything cute, just a regular, plain black bra. But you found some relief in the fact that it was dark in here. You could still barely see Jungkook even after a few minutes had passed. However, Jungkook must have superhuman eyes because you felt him pull back for a second, and you thought you could see him staring because of the faint outline cast onto him from the light underneath the door. 

And he was staring. How could he not? You took his breath away every time he saw you. You were too kind for doing this, and deep down he knew that it was likely because of how pitiful he looked. It was probably the only reason any of this was happening. You gave him the same look that everyone else did. Dr. Min, Jimin, Dae-Jung… he’d seen it too many times. He hated it. He hated the pity. They just didn’t understand, you didn’t either apparently, that he deserved everything he got. 

To try and rid himself of his darkening thoughts, he quickly kissed you once again as his hand trailed up your thigh to push your short skirt up. It pleased him more than anything when he felt your soft skin, letting him know you were wearing thigh-highs once again.

Jungkook groaned into the kiss, a burning desire returning all too quickly. No, no— this was about you. As much as he might want to have you, he was being too greedy. Even though Yuri wasn’t here, he could hear her words filled with disappointment at him for being so selfish. You already fucked him a few days ago, and despite his pathetic begging, you gave him his first blowjob. It had been all about him so far, and you’d given more than he ever deserved. If he could only stop thinking with his dick for five seconds, maybe he could make you feel even a quarter of what you gave him—

Tears pricked his eyes with just the feeling of having you so close as your hands ran over his shirt—

“Wanna make you feel good…” Jungkook said, far too shakily. His hand snaked in between your bodies, his eager fingers shocked to meet the wetness of your panties.

“Please, Jungkook, please,” you cried out as quietly as you could. You couldn’t take it anymore. He quickly learned he wasn’t like Yuri; begging worked far too well on him. 

Jungkook stepped out from between your legs to give himself a little more room. But right before you could complain at the distance, Jungkook put a reassuring grip on your waist and his other hand traced the expanse of your covered thighs ever so lightly. Your breath was shaky the closer he grew to where you wanted— no, needed him, as his fingers lightly ran over your stockings, your body going into overdrive anytime he’d inch a little closer. 

“Fuck—” you whined, enjoying the light teasing, but you wanted more. You had no idea what he was doing, but every touch felt so sensitive. He finally pushed past your skirt and played with the hem of your stockings, pulling them back and letting them snap lightly back into place. 

You both moaned. 

“You’re so hot, I—” Jungkook groaned, but didn’t finish what he was going to say because something about that seemed to have set him off. He buried his face in your neck, quickly planting desperate kisses along your skin as his hand finally made their way to your panties once more, rubbing the soaked fabric. 

The way you practically yelped when you felt his fingers running over your slit was a little embarrassing. The way he made you feel didn’t make any sense. Jungkook knew just the way to touch you that had you practically bucking into his hand as he finally settled his fingers on your clit. Despite his lack of experience in other subjects, Jungkook certainly knew how to touch the little bud the right way, though he already proved that to you the last time.

You gripped the table hard as waves of pleasure traversed your whole body, stimulating an eagerness you hadn’t felt in a while. It reminded you of college, being on your own for the first time in your life, and how that freedom came with a need to explore. It was good. You both didn’t know each other’s bodies yet, but you still found ways to make each other feel good and forget about the countless deadlines that loomed over you. 

Jungkook gave you that rush all over again. A youthful rush that you only thought was possible to feel before you hit your second decade. 

He must have noticed your growing frustration because his fingers finally pulled the soaked fabric to the side, and you were able to feel him without any barrier in the way. You were absolutely soaked, embarrassingly so. Over the buzzing of the AC in the background, the squelches of his fingers running through your drenched folds filled the room and made your cheeks burn.

In the dark all your senses were heightened. You felt Jungkook’s body on yours and his soft sighs of pleasure right in your ear as he rubbed himself lightly against your thigh. In the heat of it, you could tell he was holding himself back, how he wanted more but seemed keen on his promise to make you feel good this time. 

Your body grew hotter by the second and the moment his fingers settled on your clit once again, drawing fast, teasing circles, while you struggled not to scream out loud. You quickly had to wrap your hands around his shoulders to stop yourself from crying out for any unlucky coworker who happened to be walking by to hear.

Even though the closet was slightly secluded in a hallway not many usually walked through, it certainly wasn’t far from where they did. You could even hear them in the far distance, the sounds of murmured voices growing louder before fading off, or the hurried clicking of heels through the tiled halls. They would definitely hear if you weren’t quiet.

But Jungkook was making that almost an impossible task by the way he was touching you. And you only wanted more.

“Jungkook!” His name tumbled from your lips far too loudly, your mind a little fuzzy, but you just needed him.

Suddenly, you felt a soft kiss on your cheek and then another one on your neck, a little slower this time in pulling away. 

“Can I taste you?” Jungkook lightly moaned in your ear, so gentle and soft in the way he asked. Tingles spread through your whole body and a whole new wave of arousal soaked his fingers. 

It was criminal how pretty he sounded. 

“Please,” you whined as quietly as you could, tears pricking your eyes. You’d never been so turned on before. The shame at the realization that this was happening at your workplace filled you for a second, but Jungkook pulling his hand away and lightly running over your thigh quickly brought you back. 

You groaned as you watched his faint outline move back between your legs and drop down to his knees. You could see the faint glimmer of his eyes as he bent down, his eager, yet innocent expression a deadly combination in such a compromising position like this one. But his innocence proved to be merely a facade. Jungkook quickly placed your legs over his shoulders, wrapped his arms around your thighs to hold them in place, and tugged you closer to the edge of the table. He was close enough that you could feel his shaky breath against your soaked folds. A shudder ran through your body. Maybe it was good you couldn’t really see him. You already knew you enjoyed the sight of him on his knees too much.

Suddenly, you felt light kisses trailing up your thigh, getting closer and closer to where you wanted him. “Want to make you feel good,” Jungkook softly sighed. “Just want to make someone feel good.” It was quiet, and you only just picked it up before Jungkook buried himself between your thighs.

You were certainly unprepared. Your mind was too fuzzy, all you knew was you needed to feel him. But your assumption about his lack of experience was once again proved to be incorrect.

Jungkook instantly got to work pleasing your body, planting soft kisses along the expanse of your inner thighs, growing closer until you whined when he kissed between your soaked folds. You had to swallow back a moan when you felt his tongue licking run up your slit. He was eager and didn't hold back once he found your clit. You groaned, feeling the tentative patterns he drew around the bud, skilled, knowing exactly what to do to have you seeing stars already.

“Fuck.” You wanted to scream, cry out, do something. The fact you couldn’t, turned you on in a way that confused you, but also frustrated you to no end. 

Your hand raked through his hair, moving him closer and making sure he didn’t pull away anytime soon. You knew you could cum from this if he kept at it long enough. You never knew how much a little foreplay could rile you up, but for some reason you found yourself close to the edge already, even though he’d barely started. 

Jungkook really didn’t need to do too much to affect you, but he was such an eager boy, desperate to please, and he wanted to give you the full experience despite the dwindling time you had before someone would start questioning where you both were. 

Jungkook pulled away slightly and replaced his tongue with enthusiastic fingers, going back to pumping you with two, and tears pricked your eyes when he managed to fit in a third. 

“Oh! Fu-oh,” you cried, and Jungkook couldn’t help but think the sounds you made were the hottest thing he’d ever heard.

Yuri wasn’t loud— Jungkook never knew how to take it, whether that meant he was doing a good job or not or if she was just on the quieter side. The only reason why he didn’t go crazy thinking it must be because he was terrible was because it was the only regular aspect of their sex lives. But with you, he decided he preferred the cute way you tried your best to keep quiet, but occasionally when he’d touch you just right, you’d make these adorable squeaks.

Your hand had found its way into his hair again, and with the way you held him close, you were practically fucking yourself against his tongue. You were a little rough, your grip tight, but he liked the way it stung. Your desperation was affecting him and he just wanted to make you feel good. He liked the way you were using him. It felt good to be used, needed, wanted, even if it was just for a second. 

He was sloppy, not bothering to try and keep things classy. His mouth was practically covered in your arousal, but he loved it. You tasted amazing. Seeing you like this was amazing. Even though it was dark, he could see the way your eyebrows were furrowed by the faint glow coming through the cracks in the door. You were breathtaking. It made the strain in his slacks worsen, seeing you turn into a mess the longer he kept going. He was hardly keeping it together as it was. You probably felt it before he even dropped to his knees. He was hard, but he had to keep it together. This was about you, only you. 

What would Yuri say if she knew how riled up he was getting even after you already gave him so much? She would be disappointed and so would you. He’s been so selfish. He just had to make you feel good—

Jungkook hoped you wouldn’t notice, but he was crying again. One tear fell, then two, then they just wouldn’t stop. 

Jungkook groaned into your pussy, a mix of frustration and delight. You were so good, he had to be good for you too. And that seemed to be what it took to get you to start hurdling off the edge.

“Koo— Jungkook— fuck— fuck— close.” Your feeble attempts at being quiet were all in vain as your desperation grew for sweet release. 

Jungkook was somehow able to make sense of your whimpering and quickly picked up the pace. He hastily switched back to using his mouth and wanted more than anything for you to finish on his tongue. 

He was back with his skilled tongue, and your sensitivity brought you to the edge all too quickly. Jungkook focused on your bundle of nerves again, going from tracing to sucking to the point that you were a writhing mess in his arms. Your thighs tightened around his face, your grip in his hair growing tighter, making him groan out, the pleasure and pain a combination that made the ache somehow even worse. You were shaking in his grasp, your hushed whines growing more incoherent, and oh— he wanted to see you cum. 

He felt like he could cum all over again. Embarrassing.

It wasn’t long after that Jungkook watched with eager eyes as you fell apart on his tongue. Wave after wave of pleasure kept hitting you. Jungkook helped you ride it out, easing up a bit, but staying close. You felt like you were riding on cloud nine, and for a second you even forgot where you were. The little closet disappeared, the company building disappeared, maybe the whole world vanished, leaving your mind in a state of bliss. It was just you and Jungkook and the overwhelming blissful end he gave you.

It took more than a moment for you to recover, your ragged breathing filling the space as you tried to pull yourself together. Jungkook eventually pulled away when you started to whine from the overstimulation.

It had never felt like that before. You could only imagine what type of pleasure he’d bring you under better conditions. This was going to be a problem. This was going to have to end one day, and you couldn’t get too attached.

After some time, Jungkook shakily rose to his feet. His body felt like it was on fire. You had nearly made him cum as he watched you reach your peak, it was too hot seeing you like that. Normally someone who’s always so put together and neat, you looked like a complete mess, and it just reaffirmed his earlier concern that, in fact, he enjoyed seeing you like that.

Horrible, wasn’t it?

Jungkook could hardly look away, his body screaming out to have you. The thought of walking out when he felt like this was unbearable, but this was about you, this needed to be about you. He didn’t want to disapp—

Then all of a sudden, your hands were on his shoulders, pulling him closer in an instant. He was back between your legs, and before he could question it any further, you were pulling him in for a fervent kiss. 

You seemed not to care that he was still covered in your juices and Jungkook had to fight back the urge to buck into you like a wild animal at the thought. Yuri hated when he tried to kiss her afterward, she hated kissing him anyways.

He settled into it, one hand on your waist, the other lightly cupping your cheek. As much as he was trying to control himself, you made it impossible with the way your hands raked over his body, the thread of self-control he tried to maintain for your sake quickly withered away. With each second, he grew closer, to the point you were pressed right against each other. You could certainly feel it now, the way his body pleaded for yours. Jungkook had to quickly pull away, his eyes growing watery all over again. 

“Wait!” He cried. He didn’t want to stop. He didn’t want to at all. He could see your confusion in the darkness.

“This was about you— I promised— I—” It hurt so badly. He wanted you so badly.

You relaxed at his words. 

“Well, I want you, so—” You started to rationalize, but Jungkook wasn’t having it.

“But—”

Instead of going back and forth and letting this turn into a long discussion, you decided to take action instead. Your hands found their way to his belt and quickly started to undo the strap. His breath was heavy as the buckle jingled when you finally managed to get it undone, and you didn’t give him any time to process before you went for his pants next and reached in to pull him out.

Jungkook groaned into your shoulder, feeling your hand wrap around his length. You lightly ran your hand down to the base and then back up, tracing your thumb along his leaky tip.

“Oh— oh— oh!” You were making it so hard for him. It was cruel. “I’ll wait, I’ll…I’ll…” The words were for himself more than you. He needed to keep himself in line, he had to.

“Mmmm, you certainly don’t feel like you want to wait,” you chuckled breathlessly. It was only meant to be a light tease, but you felt him shaking. His soft sniffles let you know he was actually crying.

“I’m sorry…” he sobbed. He felt like he had disappointed you. His body had betrayed him in a way that made Yuri scream at him anytime he tried to pull her close afterward. He wasn’t in control, he should be better than this, she’d always say. 

“Jungkook, didn't you hear me earlier? I said I wanted you.” Instead of the degradation he was expecting, the softness of your voice as you pulled him a little closer melted him in your grasp. You couldn’t even imagine the things he’d been told that would make him think this way.

You couldn’t really see it, but Jungkook was staring at you wide-eyed. For some reason, he was having issues processing your words. They just didn’t make sense. He had already taken too much, hadn’t he? But the simple thought of you wanting more had him subtly moving his cock within your grip.  

“Do you want to do this?” You asked when you noticed his movement. 

Despite your confession earlier, Jungkook found it hard to admit how much he wanted to fuck you. You took it upon yourself to help him, bringing his tip to your soaked folds and letting it run through your arousal. 

“Fuck— Y/n!” he whined. It instantly got a reaction from him, his need soaring beyond all reason. He couldn’t think straight anymore, and all he could focus on was the thought of finally slipping inside you again, just like he’d been imagining over the last few days.

“Do you want this?” You repeated, still so soft. Not a demand that he had to fulfill, but a genuine question asking if he wanted more from this. 

For a second, he didn’t answer, the sound of his breathing growing more labored as you ran his cock up and down your slick. He couldn’t answer. You felt so good and he was trying his best to get back in control, to not be so weak as Yuri would always say, but you made it so hard. 

He wanted to fuck you, and he probably would have pushed into you right then and there if suddenly he didn’t remember something.

“I— I still don’t have any condoms with me,” Jungkook cried, tears slipping down his cheeks as he fell into your shoulder. Fuck— how was he going to walk away from this?

“We don’t need one— I’m still on the pill, remember?” You pulled him away so you could look him in the eye. “If you’re ok with it, we could continue, but if you’re not comfortable doing that again, that’s completely fine.” You smiled, and there was genuine concern behind your gaze.

Jungkook normally wasn’t the risky type when it came to sex. He barely had sex enough for a habit like that to even be established, but with Yuri he was always so careful. She would never forgive him for even taking the chance of getting her pregnant, and he didn’t want it either. Not when he was like this, clinging to life by only a few short strands. With Yuri, he made sure things were right no matter his desperation, but with you… Once was risky enough, the heat of emotions causing protection to completely slip his mind. He had remembered this time, but after hearing your reassurance, his usual caution was thrown to the wind and all he could care about was feeling you.

In a haste, Jungkook took it upon himself to finally guide his cock into your warmth, moving your hand out of the way while he grabbed his length and finally slipped it into your slick hole. He watched your expression intently as it turned from surprise into bliss, pleasure overtaking your features, and you just looked so pretty. It made his desperation worse as your tight warmth enveloped him. You were so wet; he slipped in so easily, like you needed him just as badly as he needed you. 

Jungkook had to fight back the urge to sob. After so many days of playing your night together over and over in his head, his imagination could never compare to how good you felt in real life. Despite his earlier indulgence, Jungkook had to fight tooth and nail to deter himself from filling you up right away. You had had to deal with that once already, he couldn’t disappoint you— not again. The fact that you were even doing this with him was gracious enough. He couldn’t keep putting you through his failures.

Jungkook tried to slow his breathing down while he waited for you to get adjusted and for himself to calm down enough to move without instantly blowing his load. Even now, you were making it difficult in the way you were squeezing around him, and he already knew he wouldn’t last very long no matter how hard he tried.

You noticed he was tense and planted a few kisses across his cheeks, but Jungkook pushed your face so your lips would finally meet his again, engaging in another passionate kiss that only made you squeeze somehow even tighter around him.

Jungkook broke the kiss and let out something between a groan and a whine. “Fuck— fuck— I—” He wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t just going to cum right then and there. Embarrassing.

“I’m sorry— so sorry.” He cried. “I don’t think I’ll make it very long…” You would probably want nothing to do with him after this.

You went back to kissing his cheeks. “Don’t stress, ok? Fuck me how you want to, don’t hold back for me.” Your warm smile could be seen even in the darkness. You looked like an angel…

Your words set a fire inside him. Fuck me how you want to— you were far too nice for someone as pathetic as he was. But as shameful as it was, he enjoyed your sympathy.

Jungkook didn’t hold back anymore and finally started moving his hips. You both moaned, but quickly realized the volume of your mistake, pulling each other into another kiss instead. You both swallowed each other's cries amidst the sounds of clothes ruffling, and the wet, slick sound of his quickening pace pumping into your heat. The table you were sitting on started to creak with his hurried struggle to properly feel you again.

Jungkook rolled his hips in a way that made your toes curl and had you struggling to keep quiet. He was good, settling into a nice, rhythmic roll after a few desperate thrusts in the beginning. His size filled you up in all the right places, a satisfying stretch that you could more than just grow used to. 

It wasn’t long before you both had turned into a tangled mess of limbs trying to feel each other. Jungkook had buried himself in your shoulder. Kissing you grew impossible. Instead, he cried out as silently as he could into your skin. 

He managed to delay his release for longer than he had expected, but the rush still came on quicker than he would have liked. 

“Close!” He whined as quietly as he could before picking up the pace. He couldn’t last much longer with the way you were squeezing around him. It was all too much, and before he could even try and hold it back any longer, his hips stilled and he filled you up with everything he could give.

Jungkook quickly pulled you into a kiss as his hand made its way between your bodies, and his fingers hastily found your clit again. He started making hurried motions around the bud until you were clinging onto his shoulders while your next orgasm surged through your body. You both were out of breath as the heat of the moment began to simmer down. It was the first moment he was finally able to think clearly again. There was one half of him that looked at you with the utmost admiration, someone far too kind to be messing with him. He never thought he could get enough of you. Then there was the other half…

The post-bliss clarity made him look at the situation as it truly was. He was cheating. This had truly turned into cheating. He’d betrayed Yuri’s trust, and there was nothing he could ever do to regain it. He didn't deserve to. But as horrible as it was, Jungkook found himself wanting to do it with you all over again, to have you in his arms so the world would melt away and he could just indulge. 

But unfortunately, the other half looked at you with the same shame and disgust he held for himself. All you were now was a reminder of how horrible of a person he’d become, and he couldn’t stand it.  

previous chapter « main masterlist ✩ series masterlist » next chapter

[penguinsnoot]

20 Anime You Should Watch

I’ve been getting into anime again recently, and thought I’d share some that I like! These are in no particular order. I gave very short, simplistic descriptions of each show, but I recommend looking them up for full summaries to get a better idea of what they’re about.

1) Cells at Work! (2 seasons, 22 episodes) [Comedy]

Anthropomorphic cells living in a human’s body. Focuses on a red blood cell that frequently encounters a white blood cell during dangerous bodily infestations and illnesses.

2) Kaichou wa Maid-sama! (1 season, 26 episodes) [Comedy, Romance]

Focuses on the female school president of a previously all-male school who directs and rules over them harshly. She secretly works at a maid café, which is discovered by a popular male classmate of hers. 

3) Ouran High School Host Club (1 season, 26 episodes) [Comedy, Romance]

Student Haruhi Fujioka stumbles upon a host club in the prestigious Ouran Academy. After accidentally breaking an expensive vase, she must work for the club to pay off her debt.

4) Lost Song (1 season, 12 episodes) [Music, Fantasy]

Rin is a girl from a small village who dreams of singing in the capital city. Her singing has the power to heal any wound. Rin and her brother, Al, journey to the capital when their home is attacked by soldiers hoping to capture Rin. Finis, who also has a magical voice, performs for the royal palace. She falls in love with a soldier named Henry and must hide their relationship from the prince. She and Rin have intersecting destinies and both struggle with the terrible circumstances that life throws at them. 

5) Clannad (2 seasons, 47 episodes) [Drama, Romance, Supernatural]

Delinquent Tomoya meets ill Nagisa and they become friends. Along with four other girls, Tomoya decides to help Nagisa revive the school’s drama club. He finds himself helping each girl with their respective problems and learns that life may not be as dull as he once thought. 

6) Fruits Basket (3 seasons, 64 episodes) [Drama, Romance, Supernatural]

Homeless Tohru Honda moves in with members of the mysterious Soma family. When she accidentally learns of the family’s curse of them turning into animals when embraced by a member of the opposite sex, she resolves to help them figure out how to lift the curse. 

7) Kamisama Hajimemashita (2 seasons, 25 episodes) [Comedy, Fantasy, Romance]

Offered a home by a man being attacked by a dog, Nanami is surprised to find a seemingly abandoned shrine. When she tried to leave, she is confronted by the spirits of the shrine. Tomoe, the fox spirit, leaves angrily when he realizes it is not the land god, Mikage, who has entered their home and that he instead sent a human girl as replacement. Refusing to remain homeless, Nanami decided to serve the shrine and ends up forming a sealed contract with Tomoe when she kisses him. 

8) Princess Jellyfish (1 season, 11 episodes) [Comedy, Slice-of-life]

Tsukimi is an introvert with a love for jellyfish living with other socially isolated women in Tokyo. One day, she meets someone beautiful who looks like a princess and helps her save a jellyfish from a local pet store. The beautiful princess is revealed to actually be a crossdressing man named Kuranosuke. Despite their aversion to men and socializing in general, Kuranosuke resolves to help the women become more confident in themselves. 

9) Soul Eater (1 season, 51 episodes) [Action, Comedy, Fantasy] 

Follows three sets of meisters and their weapons as they fight demons and witches to obtain the status of Death Scythes. They attend a school founded by Lord Death and learn the best ways to recognize and defeat these evil entities. 

10) Yuri on Ice (1 season, 12 episodes) [Sports, Romance]

Figure skater Yuri meets champion skater Victor, who claims he is going to be Yuri’s new mentor. Yuri accepts and goes on a difficult journey of training in the world of competitive ice skating. 

11) BNA: Brand New Animal (1 season, 12 episodes) [Action, Fantasy, Comedy]

Michiru, after becoming a newly formed beastman, travels to Anima City, a safe haven for people like her. After witnessing an explosion during a celebration, she is confronted by detective Shirou Ogami. They team up to pursue the criminals involved with the explosion and discover why Michiru has suddenly started to turn into a Tanuki after being human all her life. 

12) Japan Sinks: 2020 (1 season, 10 episodes) [Drama, Sci-fi] 

Ayumu and family’s life is turned upside down when an earthquake strikes and obliterates Japan’s structural integrity. The Mutou family must find a way to survive and get out of the country before the entirety of Japan sinks into the ocean. 

13) Toradora (1 season, 25 episodes) [Drama, Romance]

Gentle yet fierce-looking Ryuji forms an unlikely friendship with sharp-tongued and violent Taiga. They try to help one another confess to their crushes while growing closer along the way.

14) A3! (2 seasons, 24 episodes) [Drama, Slice-of-life, Comedy]

Izumi confronts the loan sharks who are after money from her father’s run-down theater. She plans to bring the theater back into the spotlight and pay of the debt with the help from an all-male acting troupe.

15) Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun (1 season, 12 episodes) [Comedy, Romance]

Chiyo has a crush on her schoolmate, Nozaki, and confesses to him, but he mistakes her as a fan of his manga and gives her an autograph. Saying she wants to be with him, Nozaki invites her to help him with his drawings. Chiyo hopes that by helping Nozaki, he will eventually take notice of her romantic feelings for him.

16) Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku (1 season, 11 episodes) [Romance, Comedy]

Narumi and Hirotaka knew each other when they were younger and end up working in the same office. They decide to start dating, but find that their respective interests make it difficult to create romantic situations. 

17) K-On! (2 seasons, 39 episodes, 1 film) [Comedy, Slice-of-life]

Five high school students become friends and bandmates as they form the next generation of their school’s Light Music Club.

18) Violet Evergarden (1 season, 13 episodes, 2 films) [Fantasy, Drama]

Amidst working for a ghostwriting agency, past soldier Violet Evergarden learns to reconnect with her feelings while trying to understand the final words her commander left her with.

19) Given (1 season, 11 episodes, 1 film) [Drama, Romance]

Prepared to give up music for good, Ritsuka changes his mind after meeting Mafuyu. He gives Mafuyu guitar lessons in the hopes of making the other boy the lead singer for his band. 

20) Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai (1 season, 13 episodes, 1 film) [Drama, Romance, Supernatural]

Sakuta suffers from puberty-syndrome and sees a bunny girl that is invisible to others. When he meets the girl in real life, he realizes she’s going through her own problems and becomes attached to the bunny girl. 

[orangelemonsstuff]

so you guys know in ddlc that there's this one scene where monika forces the player's mouse to move down to choose her? yes that. BUT MAKE IT TWST AND SELF AWARE!!! (meaning the game didn't code Malleus/Monika to do it)

Leona as Natsuki, Azul as Yuri, and of course Malleus as Monika.

warning: Horror themes since its inspired by ddlc

...

You've been playing a visual novel for about 4 hours now.

you can't help it it was just so enticing, the characters, the plot, the artstyle and pacing. its so good

Choices aren't that much special to this game as you heard there's only one ending but the cgi's are completely different between route of choices. its no matter to you though, you save a choosing point and then after reading that route you'll reload again to read the other

as much as you knew some people do this recklessly to just see the CGIs, you on the other hand is wisely thinking of whom you'd choose first to see their scenario and then second, and then third, so on. as if you consider their actual feelings

it felt like it isn't any of your typical visual novel, you feel as if the characters are actually talking to you behind the screen and actually cares about the real you, especially that one specific character.

his name is Malleus

He's one of the mysterious type of character, he plays the violin, he likes ice creams and apparently dragon statues. you choose him first everytime you come across a choice event and practically you always see his special events and scenarios too

but sometimes you can't help but feel it

you are alone in your room but you can't help... feel the feeling of being watched. something whispering. something's or someone's presence together with you in the room

and whenever you'd look behind your back to see no one is there then turn back to your computer, you'd see an enlarged Malleus up to your screen staring with those with light yet emotionless smile and eyes

you could be imagining it. but when you checked the reviews for the game it doesn't say anything about Malleus popping up like that, yes some bugs about the game dialogue or settings but it doesn't relate to what you're experiencing.

your headphones was still in your ears so it definitely surprised you when the bright music stopped and the dialogue sfx chimes in

Malleus:

"What are you looking at?"

well that scared you, you must've clicked a button to proceed the dialogue.

Malleus backed away but it still nerved you when the music stopped altogether. it felt creepy

you close your phone and decided maybe it was just all your imagination or the game being buggy, you would say this in the review later so the devs could fix it

you return to your game and proceed with the dialogue smoothly, the current situation was a festival apparently and the main character of the game was supposed to be one of the managers of it

Azul:

"surely I'm the most fitting to help ____ to this festival, I'm the most efficient here."

you click.

Leona:

"Didn't i say I'll do it? won't that be a convenient for you Octopus?"

You click again but with a chuckle this time

"what a lovely sound"

Huh? what was that? did you just hear someone speak?

you rewind the game to Azul's dialogue again, you must've missed an voiceline easter egg...

you didn't.

you rewind it over and over again but there's no voiceline or anything. huh must've been just a one time thing

wait, there shouldn't be any voiceline in this game... there shouldn't be, it didn't come with a voice sound setting after all.

okay this is really weird.

you sigh, clicking the dialogue bubble again. you'll need a meal, a bath and sleep after this, you must've been really tired that you are hearing things and seeing things

Azul:

"Just let ____ make the choice okay?"

click

Malleus:

"Okay, fine... Fine."

click

Azul:

"Jeez... ____, i know how fed up you are with these two by now. we can jus-"

click

Leona:

"Azul, shut your fucking mouth and let them decide for themselves"

cli- wait hold on woah, did you just read that right? this game isn't supposed to be having strong languages, you were sure you checked the labels alright so why...? maybe it's part of the coded dialogue? you can't blame the devs adding some spice isn't so bad either

Azul:

"You shut you mouth!"

click

Malleus:

"Oh great seven, this is never going to end. just make the choice okay?"

the choice buttons shows up tallying from Azul next to Leona and then Malleus. you think about it carefully and as you think you might be showing a lot of favoritism towards Malleus, maybe its time for a little bit of change no worries though you'll save it and load for la-

huh?

that's weird

why can't you click the save and load button? you repeat your excessive clicking for a whole 2 minutes but you can't get to click the save button at all

was this game really buggy?

frustrated, you decide in your head to choose whoever except Malleus for a change but when you were about to pick Azul.

the mouse

it's....

moving...

....itself.

towards Malleus

what...? how is this possible? yeah your actual literal mouse within you isn't moving but the mouse on the screen is

is this supposed to be part of the game? no... this isn't... you have to check you have to

competent, you move the mouse again to pick but it kept moving down in its onw accord, you struggle to move it up after few tries but with timing you click on Leona with swiftness

a pair of green irises appeared on a white screen, familiar ones. the same eyes that looked to you earlier, a little too close for your liking.

a eerie silence waft around you, and the whirring of the computer can be the only thing heard outside of your headphones

you shake with fear, you gulp the tense in your throat, your eyes hurt with dryness not daring to take your eyes off the green eyes staring right at you and to see if this is real, you don't know what to do or what to believe.

you tried clicking your exit button more times than you can count but it wont exit the game, the cord connecting from the computer isn't far but you fear that even if you move a little or look away for a second, someone or something would jump out of the screen to god who knows what it'd to you

courage or curiosity, whatever it is, it made you click the blank white screen with floating irises to at least something would happen to just make this all stop.

an eerie endless dialogue sfx was blasted into your ears as a multiple choice boxes of the name "Malleus" appeared in your screen

???:

"Wxkabdbealem!?(19_++_;4)0#?$;(akwjrbeboxibrbrwoOAiebevtbwkwksokw@910-~¢jsjsjwb@+2;2-akejjrrrneejrwownrbtlwalalxndndebwkwowowoqpeh=`=¢¶%¶kwkwpqowhsbebejwWxkabdbealem!?(19_++_;4)0#?$;(akwjrbeboxibrbrwoOAiebevtbwkwksokw@910-~¢jsjsjwb@+2;2"

your ears felt like bleeding and nausea came over to you, you feel like throwing up right there and then, pass out, die. anything to make it stop

with a strained shaky hand you click Malleus as the screen turned back to the game normally again as if nothing happened

Malleus:

"Im happy you picked me."

sweat drips from your temples as you exit the game and pull the plug of the cord and stepped back from the monitor not even bothering to save the game or your discarded headphones

you try to steady your breath few times to calm down the loud thumping of your heart from horror and shock, you sat up to your bed trying to wipe off the nervousness off of you before standing up and sprinting off the door.

maybe you didn't thoroughly checked your game settings or code files, or maybe you did, you just didn't paid that much attention to it

you pulled the plug at him, stepped back with horror and ran away not even bothering to save the game or take a listen at your discarded headphones

the headphones played the same bright music from earlier.

Auto Saving....

Saving Complete!

Tip: This game loads where you left at.

•••

AN: this was out of the sudden burst of inspiration btw. (i mean none of my fics aren't lol) But hope ya enjoyed it, i rlly loved DDLC, i did copy some of the dialogues i hope its okay since i have no idea what to make them say lol but DDLC stays original for me.

[anoopsiedaisie]

My Fionna and Cake episode 7&8 tangent

Lets start it off with the score. 20/20 it was fantastic. my stupid theory post will happen eventually, and I will ABSOLUTELY TALK ABOUT PETRIGROF

The star - Cake thinking Fionna was upset cause her fling died was silly, Fionna was clearly upset before about the candy people. The fight with the vampires was funny but intense, I love how Cake and Fionna care a lot about eachother. Also why does Simon know what holy water taste like. Pb and "Star" was so cute, and I was so right when I talked about us getting more Bubbline on tiktok (Tiktok account is not linked anywhere btw) The vampire world is super sad though, cause they had really been eating for so long, that a potential thousands of people died. Marshall and Gary really lit up the episode from the sadness once again, Gary's tangents of his candy kingdom are so cute. AND HIS HAMBO THINGY IN HIS CAR. Marten and baby Finn are so cute, I wanna legit cry cause HES MEANT TO BE A GOOD DAD BUT HES SO STUPID IN THE OG UNIVERSE. Also imma say this now, Prismo gets in trouble for breaking the rules once and ignoring a few beeps, BUT Scarab ignores several beeps and his entire job and doesn't get in trouble, that boss better have a good reason. Second date (potentially) and Marshall already introducing his boyfriend to his mom, damn. Marshall's mom matches og Hunson perfectly somehow, duche parent club. And Marshall's little blush of embarrassment from his mom acting all weird infront of Gary. Billy's corpse is messed up, like reall messed up, and the reminder of how tall he is is also crazy. I was also wondering the entire time if Pb was human in this universe until she bit off half her arm basically. The Star's outfit is so good, but I wonder how she turned into a vampire now, maybe she was bit in front of that worlds Simon's body and thats why she screamed at something. Already long section so I'll end it here with, I LOVED THIS ENTIRE EPISODE, Huntress dying was sad though, and Gary Marshall kiss was adorable. Closing thought of this episode, Bubbline but toxic yuri. Jerry - Simon and Betty better get a happy ending or I will legit be so sad, they love each other so much, and Betty just legit became part of a god over her Fiance once celebrity crush. I love how gorgeous everything is in this show, Orbo is also a funny character. I feel like someone could narrow down where things and places they go in this Lich's wish universe it'd seem fun at first then spiral though. Simon does NOT know how to draw though get this man an art class. The tree house being naked though, all its leaves gone. Lich's wish to kill all life, really just unironically killed ALL life, down to plants. Fun little references to old episodes, and including one that revolved around Ice king, hmm. Also I wonder the age gap between Betty and Simon, I like to see it as they're like a year apart but Simon just skipped grades cause hes a smart cookie. Also Simon had slides ready for people to be loud, HE WAS READY. Nerd girls in love. I am also guessing Bmo has been alone for awhile now, at least since season 5ish times since thats when the Lich would have made this wish. All the references in Ice King's junk from the melted ice kingdom. Ninja guide books, kunai, vhs tapes and the camera, the pink diary, his bed has the wishing amulet that Gunter used to break bottles. I was RIGHT

Fionna see's how unhealthy Ice King was, and changes her mind and wants him to not become this sad sad man again. Simon would genuinely be such a sweet and wonderful parent, he loved taking care of the babies in the baby universe, and he sees Fionna get happy when he tells his story with Betty and keeps doing it to keep her happy. Neddy is also guaranteed dead, already obvious but the candy kingdom doesn't have the juices being produced. Bmo has done a lot in his isolation, a lot of stuff is changed or moved, I feel so bad for bmo. But the lines "Help me zip up my bra" and "Ooo, butt stuff" Wow. The Simon and Betty stuff makes me so happy, they're so cute and I love them, they need to have a happy ending or I will be so sad. The lesbians ever, I love these lesbians, let the lesbians be happy. Simon struggling to say he loves her is so CUTE. Poor Bmo, I feel so bad, but he was probably so sad being alone, sad in someway. Petrigrof moment was so cute and adorable please, I want them so happy, they deserve to be happy. Now for the bombshell, Jerry. The Lich's wish monkey paw aspect is that he gets depressed and has nothing to do now that all life is gone. Billy's body decomposing as the Lich parasites it. SO, imma theory my reason for the portal finally opening to GolBetty, either it was because the Lich was used as the battle and influenced it in a way to allow it to finally work, OR Betty's wish to keep Simon safe truly included the crown being worn. Like the crown really did trigger GolBetty like "BITCH, NO" or the third that makes probably the most sense, The Scarab was literally about to kill Simon and go against what Betty wants, meaning she is going to interfere. I saw someone say that GolBetty likely wont remember Simon and this could cause something. BUT I REALLY HOPE THEY DONT DO THAT, I WANT THEM HAPPY SO BADLY

[tony-dreams]

This is another entry for the Yuri on the Web Discord channel's pride event. This time the prompt "Gender?".

I know, I know, Iength of hair doesn't determine whether you are a boy or a girl, but hear me out. For me, my hair is an important symbol of my female-to-male journey. From always having prefered the short hairstyles as a teenager, over growing it very long in university trying to "become a proper girl at last", to finally cutting it all off again after realizing I was trans.

The day I cut my long hair off was the day I decided to stop trying to be a girl forever. And it was so so liberating.

Shortly after, I watched Yuri in Ice for the first time, not knowing yet what awaited me. And the very first scene hit me like a sledgehammer: This woman/man? (I had no idea who Viktor was at that point), skating and spinning ... and then suddenly their hair is short and there is this beautiful man.

Not even 20 seconds in I had to pause and cry, both from sadness and joy. Because I wished it was that easy, just spin and "magically" transform into a man. But then again, maybe it was that easy? Maybe I had done exactly that only a few days ago?

I know that was not the intention of the show, but I have never stopped seeing Viktor through that lense.

This show was what it needed for me to not only realize but also accept that I was trans. Not only through Viktor, but also the various representation of fluid gender and the general queerness and love that was depicted.

And last but not least the people I met through the fandom that have been so incredibly helpful, validating and encouraging <3

[sockssketchingshack]

So uh. I never really did an intro soooo

I see a lot of people asking about commissions and I am here to tell you that I don't do them! They stress me out! Sorry but they're Scary. But I do drawing *requests*. Because I like drawing things without any form of pressure to draw them!

Now that's out of the way, hello there! My name is Socrates. But everyone calls me socks.

I am an adult! 18 years old, April 23 2006.

My pronouns are he/him!

I am both a trans man and bisexual!

Things you should know:

I have low to severe functioning autism. Meaning I need help from those outside of my own self. Basically help with my day to day life and for scary situations such as talking to strangers IRL. Or complex decisions such as bank details or that kinda thing. I need others to help me!

That doesn't mean I'm not smart though. I'm mostly slow. I call it rebooting. So if I ever take a while to respond it's probably because I'm thinking about what to say!

I have bipolar disorder. I deal mostly with mood swings one minute ranting about how cute my cat is the next minute crying over how cute my cat is.

I deal with a lot of doctors! Two or more appointments a week! So if I tell you multiple times over a short span of time I can't talk cause I'm going to the doctor's it's not an overused excuse! It's true!

I have severe anxiety. Meaning any communication at all stresses me out. But I still really wanna try to socialize!

I have memory issues.

So if you wanna talk I'm welcome to it. I'm just really, really, shy. And sometimes I'll panic and end conversations out of nowhere. So if you ever wanna talk all I ask is to be understanding and a lil patient.

And if you talk to me long enough I'll grow to trust you! Which means I'll feel more comfortable and calm when talking to you!

About my art:

I love art! But it's hard to do since I have some physical problems. But I do it anyway! I mainly draw things I like or request / challenges I receive. I like to draw my little persona alot because he's simple and easy to draw. I also have a lot of OC's! Ask me about them! I love them all and will be over the moon to share their stories outside of just the art I make of them!

About my text posts:

Text posts are semi common. It's mostly little ramblings or rants. Or just how I'm feeling. But again I mostly posts art.

If I ever interact with you or your posts:

It means I wanna talk to you but don't know how so I just try to show affection with hearts and sometimes if I'm brave enough a comment or reply. But I still really wanna learn to socialize with you!

Hobbies:

Art, cooking, baking, gardening, sewing, video games.

Lastly:

Ask me stuff! Talk to me if ya want! I am lonely. And I love you! And I'm proud of you! Take care of yourself! You deserve it! Bye! Love you!

Things I like (extra bit):

Get ready it's a long lists,

anime!

Any anime really even if I haven't seen it! I have watched a bit of or completed, Naruto, one piece, jujutsu keisen, Ouran host club, black clover, sword art online, attack on Titan, Yuri on ice, one punch man, my hero academia, assassination classroom, food wars, pokemon, the promised Neverland. And a bit more I'm probably forgetting.

Video games!

Any video game really! Even if I haven't played it! But I have played or watched others play: stardew valley, undertale, Minecraft, Roblox, terraria, cult of the lamb, overwatch 2, dead by daylight, Skyrim, halo, rocket League, cod black ops 2 zombies, moonlighter, hollow night, sky children of the light, don't starve together, subnautica, subnautica below zero, alot of different Pokemon games, five nights at Freddy's, astroneer, monster hunters, and one of my absolute all time favorites SLIME RANCHER!

other medias / things, TV shows, books, etc:

Percy Jackson, a bit of harry potter, marvel universe, DC universe, amazing digital circus, don't hug me I'm scared, Steven universe, avatar the last Airbender, we bear bears, and more I'm probably forgetting.

That's all bye.

[glassofspoiledmilk]

Going Gold| Yuri P

Chapter ten, Paris | TW: Language

I skated into the middle of the rink and took my starting position like usual.

It wasn't usual.

I heard the music start but I didn't feel like moving.

Against my will, I started my program.

I moved along with the music like I was on autopilot, not really thinking about the way I moved, just moving.

Thankfully my free program was more melodramatic than my short so no one really noticed I was actually upset. I went through my jumps and spins with ease, not really realizing I was doing them. When I finished the program I huffed and took my final position.

I looked around as I gasped for air.

I skated over to Lilia who was at a loss for words, which scared me because that usually wasn't a good thing.

"I'm sorry, I haven't been feeling very good" I say as I lean against the wall of the rink, trying to catch my breath.

"...No Y/N that was..beautiful" she says as if she were in shock.

...

"..really?" I reply as I feel the mood slightly lighten.

"If I were judging that, I would've scored you in the hundreds" she said smiling at me.

"I'm proud of you"

I could feel my eyes start to tear up as I smiled back at her.

She put her arm on my shoulder and told me that I deserved a break.

I skated off the ice with a smile on my face, completely forgetting about Yuris mystery crush.

When I stepped into the rubber flooring I saw Yuri standing at the entrance of the rink.

His face was slightly pink and I could see tears welling in his eyes.

"Are you alright..?" I ask, slightly tilting my head to the right.

"Psssht! I'm fine, out of my way I have a program to complete" he said avoiding my gaze.

As he walked by me I turned around and watched him skate into the rink with a confused look on my face.

I slid my guards on over my blades and walked over to my bag, which was on the bleachers. I grabbed out a snack and sat down.

The music for yuris free program started and i grabbed out my phone to pass the time.

I scrolled on instagram for the few minutes he was skating and when he was done, I walked off the bleachers and onto the floor.

Lilia and Yuri met me at the entrance to the rink.

"Both of your programs today were pretty good. I'm very proud of how hard you've worked up until this point.

However, that doesn't mean you get to stop so I am expecting this and above at tomorrows short program" Lilia sternly said as she slid her gloves off her slim hands and shoving them into her pocket.

"Also the two of you need things to wear to the gala at the end of the series, so while we're in Paris I suggest you do that" she added.

Yakov came down off the bleachers, carrying my things, and stood next to Lilia.

Lilia sighs loudly and then says "you will not have a budget on your attire to the gala, but if anything else is bought using my credit card it will be returned. Immediately."

"Do you understand?" She says with a serious tone.

"Yes" me and Yuri say in unison.

We walked out of the rink and out to the parking lot. Lilia started the car and we all got in.

She drove us back to the hotel and when we got inside I changed out of my skating clothes and put on a nice outfit to go shopping in. While I was in the bathroom I remembered the texts between Mila and Yuri and my heart sank again.

I couldn't really do anything with my feelings, if I asked Yuri about it he'd know I read his texts and I'd never hear the end of it, and Mila wouldnt be any help either. I groaned and threw my head back in frustration and sorrow. I took in a deep breath, and continued getting ready.

I changed my clothes and walked out of the bathroom to see Yuri waiting for me.

He was wearing cargo pants and a sweatshirt, both of which we had bought together at the mall.

"You ready?" He asks nonchalantly.

"Oh um yeah" I awkwardly stutter out.

He opens up the door and we walk down the hotel hallway to the elevator.

"Do you have Lilia's Card?" I ask, looking over at him.

"Yea, I grabbed it before you came out of the bathroom" he replies, hitting the button to call the elevator.

When the doors open, we simultaneously step inside.

I stood in the corner, next to Yuri who was on his phone.

I took in a breath, and got a whiff of Yuris cologne.

He smelled good, like a weirdly comforting kind of good.

I felt my face heat up, but luckily the elevator doors opened before Yuri could notice.

We walked out of the hotel and outside onto the street.

"Do you know where we're going?" I say.

"Yea, there's a popular mall nearby that has a lot of places we can look in" he adds, looking over at me.

"Cool" I reply awkwardly.

There was an awkward silence.

"What was that today" Yuri asks.

"Huh" I reply confused.

"When you were in the bathroom" he adds.

He looks at me out of the corner over his eye.

I felt my face go white.

what was I supposed to tell him? "Oh yea I was snooping through your phone and I found out you liked a girl and didn't tell me!".

"Like I said I..wasn't feeling good" I say as I avoid his gaze.

"Y/N I've said this before, you're an awful liar" he replies.

"Tell me what really happened"

"I told you what happened Yuri, drop it" I say with a sudden change of tone.

There was a strange beat of silence before he spoke again.

"Fine" he replied with a fake nonchalant attitude.

I watched with regret as he looked away from me, his gaze hardening on the ground.

I swallowed hard and took out my phone.

I tried to forget the conversation, but the guilt eventually got to me.

"I'm sorry Yuri, I didn't mean it to come off like that It's just..personal" I say as I look up at him.

He looks back down at me.

"It's fine, I get it" he replies, his face relaxing.

A few minutes later we approached the mall. Yuri reached for the door and held it open so I could enter.

"Thanks" i quietly said.

We walked down the hallway until we approached a bridal store.

"You wanna go in here?" I asked.

"Sure" he replied while sliding his phone into his back pocket.

We walked into the store and saw thousands of dresses and suits.

Yuri and I decided to split up and grab a few things we liked, and then meet up again at the dressing rooms.

I walked over to the area titled 'dresses'

And began my search there.

I grabbed a dark blue poofy floor length dress, a mid length satin black dress, and a wine red dress that was also floor length.

I walked over to the fitting room area and saw Yuri sitting down on a bench.

He looked up and saw me.

"I've been texting you for the past 20 minutes" Yuri says, obviously annoyed.

"Oh I wasn't paying attention...sorry" I say awkwardly.

He groans in response.

"I got us a room" he adds pointing to the door infront of him.

"Who's going first?" I ask.

"Do you wanna go first?" he says.

"Sure" I reply pushing open the door.

I locked it behind me and hung the dresses up on the wall.

I first grabbed the dark blue dress first and slipped it on.

I unlocked the door and walked out.

"What do you think?" I asked Yuri.

He looked me up and down.

"I think you look like a princess" he replied.

"In a good way or a bad way?" I added with a smile.

"Both I guess" he shrugged.

I laughed a little and spun around in the dress.

"I certainly feel like a princess...but I think it's a little much" I say as I lift up a little bit of the fabric on the skirt.

I walked back into the fitting room and took off the dress.

I grabbed the black satin dress and quickly put it on.

I looked in the mirror, the dress was extremely pretty. it was fitted around my body but left just enough room to move comfortably.  I once again unlocked the door and walked back out to the waiting area. "what do you think of this one?" I ask.

he looks up from his phone and scans the scene Infront of him.

his breath slightly hitched before he spoke, "it looks fine I guess".

"what do you mean fine, like fine as 'in meh it looks fine' or fine as 'in yea it looks fine!'"  I add.

"I don't know, I guess the second one" he says awkwardly.

I roll my eyes and retreat back into the room.

I slid off the black dress and hug it back onto the wall. I then grabbed the last dress, a wine red dress that was fitted along the torse, but flared at the bottom.

I zipped up the back and left the room again.

"Alright last one, what do you think" I say.

"It looks ok" he said nonchalantly.

"You're no help" I retort, making a face.

"I liked the last one more" he says, gaze returning to his phone.

"Do you think I should get that one?" I add.

"I guess" he replies.

I walk back into the room and take off the dress.

I slip the dress onto its hanger and grab the other two dresses and walk out.

"its all yours" I say sitting down next to yuri.

he grabs the pile of suits next to him and walks into the changing room.

i open my phone and scroll on instagram for a few minutes until yuri returned,

when he came out he was wearing a white suit, with a black tie.

"well?" he says after a few moments of silence.

"uhhh it looks fine i guess" I reply, mocking him.

he scoffs and turns around to go back into the room.

"it looks nice, but it kinda washes you out" i add.

"whats that supposed to mean?" he retorts.

"im just saying i think you should go with a different color, but if you like it then I dont really care" I reply.

he rolls his eyes and goes into the fitting room to change.

a few moments later he returns wearing a plain black and white suit.

"that one looks nice" I say, inspecting him.

"I feel like I look too boring" he complains.

"then go put on something more interesting" I reply.

the last suit he comes out wearing is a gorgeous red suit with a red tie, and black button of shirt.

I watched as he emerged from the room, my cheeks starting to turn a slight shade of pink.

"whats wrong" Yuri says, snapping me out of my trance.

"N-nothing im fine! you look really nice Yuri, i think you should go with that one" i say awkwardly.

his cheeks pinkened and lips ever so slightly curled into a smile.

he turned around and walked back into the changing room without a word.

when he came back out , he was back in his normal clothes and carrying the pile of suits.

"done?" I ask.

"yea" he replies.

I walked back to the dress area and hung up the dresses I wasnt going to buy, and then met up with yuri at the cash register.

"did you guys find everything ok?" the lady asks as she rings up our stuff.

"yup!" i cheerfully say.

"alright, your total is 709.57" she adds.

yuri pulls out the card from his pocket and proceeds to purchase our clothes for the gala.

"have a nice day!" the lady says, handing us our stuff now put into pink bags with white tissue paper.

"you too!" i reply, grabbing the bags.

i handed Yuri's to him and we walked out of the store.

we walked around the mall for a little, until a cafe caught my eye.

"Yuri!! look at that café we should get something to eat!" i say excitedly.

''do i have to" he complains.

"absolutely!" i reply, grabbing his arm and dragging him into the restaurant.

I opened the door and we sat down at a two person table next to one of the windows.

I picked up the menu and began to read it.

"make sure you read the english side this time" he says with a sly smile.

"i hate you" i say reply rolling my eyes.

"hate you too" he adds with a smile.

A/N: sorry this one’s kinda boring I’ve been super busy and I’m kinda just trying to get stuff posted 😭

[intheticklecloset]

Tickling on Ice (Yuri on Ice)

Summary: After practicing his latest routine, Yuri finds himself out of breath for several different reasons.

A/N: HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY, @dokidoki-muffin!! Since you left your wish pretty open-ended, I decided to take inspiration from this fabulous art and write a fic for it! You did tell us we were free to speculate, after all! I hope you enjoy it! ^^

And yes I'm aware this title is incredibly lame but it made me laugh and I couldn't be bothered to come up with something better so lame it shall stay lol

Word Count: 1,145

~~~

Yuri Plisetsky was gasping for air.

The performance was over; he’d held his final pose the required amount of time. He was done, and that meant he could finally breathe. This routine was by far the hardest he’d ever performed to date. It was spectacular, but it took a lot out of him.

He propped himself up on his elbows, the cold of the ice burning his skin. From across the rink, another figure glided over to join him.

For a moment Yuri forgot how out of breath he was. If anything, seeing Otabek Altin only took his breath away again. He could hardly believe he’d just done what he’d done – having his friend help him with his routine by first catching the pink jacket he discarded early on and then by ripping his glove off his hand with his teeth.

Yuri tried not to blush as he got to his feet.

“Well done,” Otabek congratulated, nodding his approval. “That was the smoothest practice yet.”

“I still have some things to work on,” Yuri replied, eyes darting to the fingerless gloves the taller man offered him. He took them and stuffed them in his back pocket.

“Yes, but you have time for that.” Otabek scanned him briefly. “Not too cold?”

“Please,” the Russian scoffed, though he was pretty certain he was incapable of feeling anything other than an intense warmth when standing so close to his friend. Yes, just a friend. “If a little ice is enough to make me shiver then I’m clearly in the wrong profession.”

The Kazakhstani smirked. “Hmm. I have to admit, I’m impressed with how bold this routine is, even for you.”

“Bold? You think this is…” Yuri’s comeback trailed off when Otabek got right up into his personal space. He forgot what words even were for a moment. “…bold?”

“Yes.”

“Y-You…you don’t have to bite the glove off if you don’t want to—”

“I do.” Otabek leaned down to touch their foreheads together, a clear invitation, a clear question. “That blush looks good on you, by the way.”

“Wha?” Yuri yelped when his feet were suddenly not holding him up anymore, his skates sliding across the ice when Otabek swept his own beneath them. The blonde frantically reached up to grab him for stability, and the next thing he knew he was being suspended in the air, kept aloft only by the darker man’s hands on his hips and Yuri’s fists clenched in his black leather jacket. “What – what are you doing?!”

“I would like to kiss you, Yuri,” Otabek murmured. “Please tell me I can.”

Yuri shivered, eyes wide, but he nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Suddenly, having the Kazakhstani bite his glove off his hand no longer seemed like the boldest move they’d made recently. His kiss was gentle but passionate, making Yuri see stars behind his eyes, and he didn’t protest in the slightest when he realized he was being pushed back down onto the ice, the cold against his bare back contrasting sharply with the warmth of the man above him.

Okay, so maybe he was more than just a friend. And maybe Yuri was completely fine with that.

Hands began to wander, Otabek’s fingers brushing gently over skin as he slipped under his shirt, and Yuri shivered again, inhaling sharply, tensing up.

Otabek broke their connection and met his eyes, a playful sparkle in them that made the blonde nervous. “Oh?”

“No,” Yuri said immediately, but it was useless. Fingernails scraped gently against his sides, making him squirm. “No, don’t do that!”

“Are you ticklish?”

“I’m – no! Nonono! I mean—” He tried again. “Please don’t, I’m…I’m really t-tihiheahahahahaha! Wahahahahait!”

Otabek chuckled, scribbling all over his lower torso, and Yuri squeaked and squirmed and tried to push him away, but it was all for naught. The older man was also much, much stronger, and the Russian felt a chill shoot through him from more than just the ice when he realized how stuck he was like this.

“Plehehease, I’m really tihihihihicklish! Dohohohohohon’t! Otahahahahahaha!”

In a sudden flurry of movement, Otabek pushed Yuri’s hands above his head, pinning one with his left arm and maneuvering the other into his left hand, freeing up his right to wiggle under the smaller man’s shirt and tickle freely. Yuri jerked beneath him, still stubbornly holding back his laughter despite how red he was getting from the effort.

The Kazakhstani carefully lifted his leg to half-straddle the blonde, pinning his hips in place, and that was when the dam finally broke.

“Plehehehehehehease! Ahahahahahaha nohohohohohohoooo! Otahahahahahaha!” Yuri giggled helplessly, blushing furiously under the other man’s kind, intense gaze. “Dohohohohon’t! Lehehehehet me up! Dohohohohon’t tickle – EEEK!! Nononono not thehehehere, not there!”

“No?” Otabek teased, dragging his fingers up and down the grooves of his ribcage like he was playing a xylophone. “Not your ribs?”

“STAHAHAHAHAHAP!!” Yuri pleaded as he tossed his head back and burst into shrieking laughter, trying desperately to move any part of his body, bring his arm down, anything. None of it did any good, though, and that only made it tickle worse. “NAHAHAHAHAHT THEHEHEHEHEHERE!! PLEASE, BEHEHEHEHEHEKA!!”

For a moment the darker man slowed to a stop, allowing Yuri to gasp for breath a second time that day, and their eyes met for a long, quiet, intimate moment.

“Beka?” Otabek murmured.

Yuri’s eyes widened. He hadn’t meant to call him that; in his ticklish haze he hadn’t been thinking clearly and it just slipped out. “I’m sorry, I—”

“Say it again.”

“W-What?”

Otabek began tracing his ribs with his fingers. “Call me that again.”

“Eeep! Okahahay, okay! Beheheheheka!” Yuri squealed, giggles spilling out of him uncontrollably at the gentle touch.

“I like that,” the Kazakhstani said in a near whisper, leaning down to kiss him again, still tickling softly.

Yuri whined, still snickering at the light, teasing touches along his body. Between the playful tickling and the way Otabek was looming over him and pinning him down, the blonde was suddenly beginning to feel all kinds of different ways about the turn this skating practice had taken.

“All right,” Otabek said after another minute, slowing his teasing fingers to a stop and beginning to sit up, releasing Yuri’s arms as he did so. “You’re going to freeze if you keep lying here—”

“Wait,” Yuri protested breathlessly, wrapping his arms around his neck to keep him from moving away, tugging him back down on top of him. He swallowed nervously, blushing and averting his eyes as he muttered, “You can keep going.”

“Oh yeah?” Otabek chuckled again, bracing himself with his arms on either side of Yuri, one hand moving back down to scratch at his belly and sides. Yuri broke into another round of giggles, and the taller man crushed their lips together once more.

Yuri Plisetsky was gasping for air again before he knew it.

[medea10]

My Review of Cherry Magic

(short for: Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!)

Note from the reviewer: Hi everyone! Sorry it's been several months since I last posted a review. It has been a hard and stressful time for me. I've had to endure a surgery, two infections, my younger cat having a heart attack and dying, a family member have her cancer come back, and this one condition of mine where I had symptoms plague me for an entire month. As you can see, I had no interest in writing reviews. Now that a lot of this turbulence has passed, I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. With all of that unpleasantness out of the way, let's get at it.

-----

When looking at this title, your first thought is this is an Isekai, a BL, and has a run-time of 5 minutes per episode.

As it turns out, this is a work-place comedy and has a normal running time of 22+ minutes. But it’s still a BL. That’s good enough for me!

Kiyoshi Adachi is 30 years old and still a virgin. Apparently, Adachi has acquired some weird power upon turning 30. Whenever he touches someone, he can hear the thoughts in their head. Adachi actually finds this power lame and also annoying in cramped places like crowded trains. One morning at his job, he accidentally brushed up against the handsome and charismatic employee, Yuuichi Kurosawa. Turns out, Kurosawa has a crush on Adachi.

Despite having some perverted thoughts about Adachi, Kurosawa really doesn’t act upon them. Yes, he invites Adachi over and yes, it’s a little odd that he has an extra pair of pajamas that are his exact size. But at least Kurosawa doesn’t do things to his crush that would chase him away. As for Adachi, this must be a big shock. But is he seeing this workmate in a new light? Could you even say that he may like Kurosawa?

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: The sucky thing about BL animes is that the licensing company usually never dubs it. I know there are dubbed ones out there, but it sometimes feels like a why even bother looking. And I was ready to write this off as yet another BL anime that’s to be left alone. Crunchyroll released an English dub to this several months after the anime’s premier. When it comes to the sub, I’m glad I’m getting the opportunity to hear some of these men again. I only know the two main cast members for one big recent role and almost nothing else. So, this always helps me. Plus, this cast also has Makoto Furukawa and Ami Koshimizu. You cannot go wrong here!

Yes, there’s an actual female in the show. She was seen as a possible rival of love, but it just turns out she’s just a big shipper of Adachi and Kurosawa. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Adachi is played by Chiaki Kobayashi (known for Stark on Frieren and Yuu on Sing Yesterday for Me)

*Kurosawa is played by Ryouta Suzuki (Ishigami on Kaguya-sama and Ryouhei on Tsurune)

ENGLISH CAST: *Adachi is played by Daman Mills (known for Amethio on Pokemon Horizons, Monaka on DB Super, Yakov on Yuri on Ice, Osamu on Haikyuu, Shin on Misfit of Demon Academy, and Ginshi on Tokyo Ghoul :re)

*Kurosawa is played by Dio Garner

SHIPPING: I have to wonder about Adachi for a moment. I know it’s clear that he’s a 30-year-old virgin. But not every relationship is built around sex. My question is, has Adachi ever been in a romantic relationship prior to meeting Kurosawa? By the looks of it, he really didn’t show much interest in hanging around other people. Even a small group of coworkers make him a little tense. It might have to do with this recent power that he has. There was also a flashback of something that happened to Adachi. It didn’t end well obviously. But I digress.

Time to open up a bag of cheesy popcorn and talk about these two boys.

Kurosawa’s mind is essentially an open book for Adachi. He knows Kurosawa has a burning passion for him. But Kurosawa doesn’t try to act upon his biggest urges. He gets an opportunity to kiss Adachi, but just does a safe kiss on the forehead. Modesty or just trying to not to be so obvious. Halfway into the series, there’s a confession and an acceptance. Seeing them move fast even for a 12-episode series makes me wonder if this relationship is going to go further like them sleeping together. And with that said, what would happen if Adachi loses his virginity? Will he lose his power? Oh, but I’m over-thinking things here. I’ve got another ship to discuss here.

Wait, what?! Are we going down the Junjou-Sekaiichi route?

Tsuge is Adachi’s long-time friend. He’s a writer and surprise, surprise a virgin like his friend. And just like Adachi, Tsuge got hit with the supernatural as whoever he has skin contact with, he can read their minds. Tsuge winds up making friends with a delivery boy, Minato. I know the boy is only coming back to see the kitty Tsuge recently adopted, but we all know what’s up. Unlike Adachi and Kurosawa, these two had no interest whatsoever at the beginning. It felt like Minato didn’t really see Tsuge as a friend until it was close to the end of the series. And Tsuge was a bit quicker with his feelings.

ENDING: By the halfway point, Adachi and Kurosawa are an item and went on their first awkward date. What comes next? Total honesty! Yeah, Adachi has been holding a pretty big secret from Kurosawa and that’s him being able to read thoughts when there’s skin-to-skin contact. Adachi almost let the secret out on accident once or twice, but could pass it off as one of them being too drunk. On Kurosawa’s birthday, there was an event for work. Adachi invited his friend Tsuge and Tsuge invited his friend Minato. This is when Adachi learns that Tsuge recently got the same power as Adachi.

Okay, so I guess that means it’s just the same power of being able to read minds. That just means Japan’s got a mass horde of 30-year-old virgins reading people’s thoughts. But of course, it can only work if there’s skin-to-skin contact. Depending on your life, you could go your whole life without noticing you have this power. But I digress.

Another effect to the power is that Adachi and Tsuge are able to communicate telepathically. The boys learn that this power led them to someone they have feelings for. Of course, Adachi can’t enjoy this moment of clarity. Kurosawa sees the two boys standing together and got jealous. Jealousy is Kurosawa’s ugliest trait. He is jealous of nearly every person Adachi talks to. After Tsuge leaves, Adachi reveals to Kurosawa that he has the mind-reading power and has had it for a while now. Thankfully, it didn’t cause a rift in the relationship. Both boys seem to love each other just the same if not more so. Although, Kurosawa is a bit embarrassed knowing that Adachi has kinda been prying in his mind for a while now.

Okay, the big reveal for Adachi is already out in the open and there’s three or four episodes left. What now? Something kinda huge! Work life kinda comes in and sticks a wrench in things. The higher-ups noticed how much Adachi has improved as of recent. You can chalk that up to Adachi now being able to read minds and the side-help he’s been getting from Kurosawa. But the big bosses wanted to give Adachi an opportunity at one of their other branches in Nagasaki. And currently, they are in a different city. I honestly forget where. It really felt like Adachi had no interest in doing this and not just because of Kurosawa. So, he tip-toes around the idea by speaking to another colleague about taking up the opportunity or not. This did not sit well with Kurosawa when he learned about what Adachi did. Kurosawa was not only mad that he didn’t discuss this situation with him, but that he spoke with another coworker about it.

Meanwhile, let’s look at Tsuge’s situation. Unlike his friend, Tsuge is not in a relationship with Minato and there’s an air of uncertainty of whether Minato feels the same way as Tsuge. Plus, Minato has got other things on his mind like dancing. He has the chance to go professional and be in a dance troupe. Tsuge has been a real big supporter of Minato. He even got him to an important performance when his bike ran out of gas. This looks like things are going to end nicely. Ehhh…that was until Tsuge reveals to Minato that he had a bit of an ulterior motive for doing so much to help him.

This is where we’re at. Adachi and Tsuge have not spoken to the guys they like for a couple of days. Both for different reasons, but both for stuff they said and did. The Minato situation is that Minato couldn’t talk about joining this dance troupe as it was sudden and secret until the reveal, so boy’s been busy. Tsuge showed up at the debut with a gift of new sneakers and hell yeah, Minato wanted to see Tsuge. Both boys reveal how they feel about each other currently. It’s looking good.

As for Adachi and Kurosawa, Adachi is on the 10-day business trip to Nagasaki and Kurosawa is just miserable. Actually, both boys are miserable! They both said and did things that they regret over a work issue. It looked as though Adachi was ghosting Kurosawa until Kurosawa got a hand-written letter from Adachi. More can be said in a letter than in a text message. Kurosawa winds up making the long trip to Nagasaki and waited for Adachi outside his hotel. Not only are they made up, they look like they’re about to fuck. Did they?

Oh, yes ma’am these boys fucked. Huh? I wonder if Adachi or Tsuge have sex if their mind-reading powers will disappear. Oop, right on cue! Yeah, Adachi lost it. It’s a weird feeling, but I think most of his thoughts are of trying to open this new location in Nagasaki and wanting to be with Kurosawa. And…ooh, I’m too excited because the end result made me very happy.

Rings. Vows. FUCKING WEDDING WITH EVERYONE THERE! Happy ending!

Sorry, after watching Yuri on Ice all those years ago, I’m still going to lose my shizzle when I see two boys who love each other exchange rings. God, I miss the fuck out of that show. Oh well, at least I know that we will one day get the Yuri on Ice movie that has been promised to us that is on its way since 2017.

I am now receiving word from some random place that the Yuri on Ice movie has been dropped by Studio Mappa. FUUUUUUUUUUU-

But as for this series, I liked it. I might even pick up the manga to quench this thirst of mine. I’m wondering how a story like this continues as both of these boys are now happily married. Unless the story decides to cover more with Tsuge and Minato. I think I’ll just check out the live-action drama that aired in 2023. Yeah, believe it or not, the live-action came out before the anime. I see a lot of hype surrounding this particular title. It’s no surprise that a compilation film was announced immediately after the season ended. That’s sometimes a good sign that more content is on the way. I think those who are into BL anime, this might be a good watch. And for those long-time Yuri on Ice holdouts…I’m pissed off too. But maybe, take your mind off the anger and check this puppy out.

If you would like to watch Cherry Magic, Crunchyroll not only has the anime, but also the live-action drama as well.

[katiefrog217]

10 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks @eviebane for the tag!!

No pressure tagging: @bellisima-writes @knifeforkspooncup @thatskindarough @nik-knight @onceuponapuffin @quoththemaiden

1. How many works do you have on AO3? |

Currently two!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

8,934 if I added right. I've written well beyond that but it's not published or published to AO3.

3. What Fandoms do You Write For?

Currently Good Omens! Back about 10 ish years ago, I used to write a lot of Hetalia and Pokemon (if you were on DA/Quotev and read reader inserts in the 2010s, I'm sorry) and also had a short stint with Yuri on Ice. If we go for never published stuff, Inuyasha.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I try my best to at least - I really like interacting with comments and seeing what people have to say!

5. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Actually yes - quite a few times! Tbh I wouldn't be surprised if they are still being stolen to this day by random Wattpad users (it was always fucking Wattpad). My fic "Just the Way You Are (BTT X Reader) [yes I was that songfic author - again I'm sorry] was stolen quite often, along with a few others. As a result I'm quite protective over my fics - used to do line editing so I could put my name extremely small in the text so when it was copy pasted my name showed up multiple times haha.

6. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No! I haven't actually - did some creative writing prompts between people in discord before and am part of an ongoing project but as of this moment I haven't. Have helped my girlfriend with her own stuff but that's for the most part her own thing.

7. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Fuck I have to pick ONE? Sweating rn uhhhh... I have two of equal measure I can think of off the top of my head: AziraCrow (Aziraphale x Crowley - Good Omens) and Hualian (Hua Cheng x Xie Lian - Heaven Official's Blessing).

8. What are your Writing Strengths?

If I go off what people tell me: heavily immersive and visual writing. And characterization. And short form story writing.

9. What are your Writing Weaknesses?

My inability to focus on a single project, along with my terrible habit of starting fics on a whim before abandoning it because I have no idea where the story was going in the first place. My ADHD makes my motivation come and go like the wind so I can go months without updating anything, and led to a lot of my old ones getting abandoned. I also have a terrible habit of dragging scenes out because I tend to want to explain a lot of things, which leads me to procrastinate a lot when I can't think of how to describe what I want. I'm trying to get better at it. Oh, and a personal pet peeve of mine is not being able to write a fic under 5k words, because I don't like publishing shorter fics, especially self contained ones. I admire people who are able to publish shorter stories a lot, I just personally get really anxious over putting out something that wasn't at least 5 word document pages long as a chapter.

10. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

If we count unpublished and never seen the light of day, it was Inuyasha. It was a fic called "The Golden Arrow", which was based off a dream I had somewhere in the early 2010's. The only one who saw anything for it was a school friend of mine, and while I generally remember the gist of it, it's been lost to time for the most part, as it was written on an app on an old phone I have but lost the cord to.

If we wanna talk actually published to the internet, I'm pretty sure it was Pokemon.

[xx-psych0-rabbit-xx]

question for susie: who do you think are the top 5 other kirby characters that could most get along with her? the 5 most likely ones that could be her friends, basically

i usually try to answer these as soon as i get them bc i have autism but i actually didnt manage to this time bc.honestly? i dont think susie has 5 friends.best conclusion i got is she has 3 friends n 2 girls who think theyre acquaintances

susie is just.so herself? i feel everyone thinks shes some degree of obnoxious n lacking on morals n just kinda seems weirdly shady.for ppl that like her tho:

i feel kirby is rly obvious but Who Doesnt Kirby Like? susie helped last at the end of KPR so as far as kirby cares shes all set for becoming a friend! in fact she essentially already is! she hasnt done evil things again so rly theyre on great terms.she lets them test ice cream flavor samples for HWCs ice cream brand

i think both susie n magolor consider each other annoying but they mean it affectionately.they get on each others nerves (its nearly always magolor doing the annoying) but somehow get along great anyways.its a mystery they just never fight seriously

taranza would get along w her as well, i think out of every wave 3 character hes the most actually friendable for everyone bc his freak isnt immediately noticed, but.theyre both freaks w no moral compasses n taranza is a professional woman apologist n what would susie want more than to get cry shoujo tears explaining her tragic story while he pats her back like "i completely understand...you were so justified queen dont listen to the haters"

rly she could tell magolor n taranza shes doing anything morally questionable n theyd reply "okay lol" "okay ^_^" if not straight up go w her

now the next 2.susie sure has intense feelings abt but they do not !

susies intense grudge for francisca originates from susie never outgrowing her "i HAVE to kill girls i feel threaten ME being the prettiest in the room" phase bc she didnt get a proper growing up experience.shes constantly making up ways francisca is stealing the spotlight from her.idk francisca was probably more welcomed by the other allies bc shes polite (i am not claiming franny is a nice girlie shes just polite but has the american psycho monologue going on in her head that entire introduction) n susies never gonna get over that bc "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME EVERYONE LIKED!!!" anyways i think itd just be so godamn funny if francisca didnt? know susie wants her dead? shes socially absent she doesnt pay attention she doesnt care lmao.she thinks theyre acquaintances bc of how often susie "talks to her" (shes trying to be subtly mean).even if she realized susie hated her shed be like "okay lol.good morning to you too"

n ive already mentioned it before but im a suzan yuri believer but not a "susie can win anyone over" believer.shes had a long running lesbian crush on zan w 50 layers to it (ranges from "she has such an aura of coolness ♪" to "i can fix her n i can kill her father too i can save her" to "WE CAN MATCH EACH OTHERS FREAKS.TOGETHER.") n has tried every way to try winning her over n zan doesnt understand a single one of them.she believes theyre acquaintances.susie could literally kiss her n shed reply "...my HP bar is already full but thanks.i guess." ironically most times that get zan liking susie a little more is when shes not actively trying to rizz her up, bc oh man.susie was right they match each others freaks of "im the only normal person in this room.(unstable weirdo)".the only ppl this yuri can be considered toxic for is everyone else.

outside of those 5 i think everyone to some degree dislikes her.n yes i think shed play victim abt that.im a firm believer nobody in wave 3/4 save for flamberge is properly befriendable to most of the cast (franny n taranza r in good terms w most ppl but again.inner american psycho monologue girl n polite looking guy who had way too much working for the evil monarch).n thats their appeal theyre all kinda shitty ppl 🩷 i wish i could end this w a beautiful rant on how shitty traumatized ppl still deserve love n redemption but honestly i just think characters r more fun when they kinda suck lol

[hopeisour4letteredword]

frozen hearts club

A hypothermia fluri fic.

Read it under the cut, or here on AO3!

Leg injury. Immobile in drifts. Please send help. -Yuri Lowell, of Brave Vesperia

When he gingerly removes the note from Repede’s chattering jaws, when he reads the too-careful, unnaturally stiff loops of what’s nonetheless undeniably Yuri’s handwriting—the way Flynn’s stomach drops isn’t exactly the same swoop of vertigo that befell him when Yuri vanished from the peak of Zaude, but it’s close.

It’s all he can do to bark orders to his brigade to prepare the ship to head northbound. Even then, in the back of his mind, all he can think is, what if he hadn’t been in the area? What if he hadn’t insisted that he needed some time in the field with his brigade again, just to escort an expedition? Would Repede have been comfortable going up to Sodia? Would he have come up to a stranger with that note? Would there have been a stranger around to give such a note, just south of the Drifts, if Flynn’s brigade wasn’t escorting researchers through the area? How far away could ‘help’ be, for this note to hold any real hope? Flynn tries to think of the closest town, the closest encampment, but his mind is blank. He feels like he’s watching from the outside as his body goes through the motions. He’s just—he can’t think for the fright. Repede is already so tired and frail from trekking through the cold alone. He hates the ship, but he won’t leave Flynn’s side. Flynn wraps him in warm blankets and keeps him close to the fire, whenever he’s below deck. What about Yuri? Stuck immobile in the snow, further north in heart of the storms? Will Flynn be able to make it in time, even as lucky as they’ve already been? Wondering about it damn near makes him sick. He can barely keep down his meals. But he has to eat. He’s no good to Yuri if he doesn’t keep his strength up to help with the search.

His brigade make him take breaks, make him rest. Every moment they don’t, he paces the top deck like a caged animal, peering desperately into the grey and white blur of the scenery. Even if Yuri’s out there, how could Flynn hope to find him? It’s a horrible place for a search party. Still, what can Flynn do but try?

“Yuri!” Flynn shouts, at one point, into the howling winds. He’s been doing it periodically for hours now. His voice is starting to go. In the distance, a dark shape moves, barely detectable. An iceberg? A monster? Or a stranded traveler? “YURI!”

There’s a beat of silence. The ship’s crew keeps on with the business of steering behind him, and Flynn resigns himself to more searching.

Then, faintly, almost lost to the winds— “FLYNN!”

The movement behind Flynn stops. Someone whistles, low and disbelieving. Fair enough, some hazy, second-tier part of Flynn thinks. This is exceedingly fortunate.

“Anchor down! Where’s the ladder?” Flynn barks. Movement breaks out again in a renewed flurry. As the anchor descends, someone hands Flynn an emergency blanket.

“Sir, be careful,” Witcher says, anxiously, as another soldier tosses the ladder over the side of the ship. “We don’t know how stable the floe is. It might look thick, but it could break apart at any moment.”

“Yes, alright,” Flynn says, only the omnipresent pressure of responsibility tempering the impatience he wants to snap with. Witcher is right, and too much depends on Flynn for him to be reckless. He should be aware of the safety of his environment. He can’t just rush ahead because they’ve found Yuri. Yuri is alive and aware enough to hear his name over the cacophony of the elements, and strong enough still to shout back. He’s not going to wither away in the next two minutes. Still, Flynn almost vibrates with desperate energy as he knots the blanket around his own shoulders and begins to descend the ladder.

Yuri is here. Yuri is alive. Flynn got to him in time. His anxious pulse rabbits in his veins, converting to jittery relief. He forces himself to step cautiously from ladder to ice, but once he’s found his footing, he whirls around to stride toward Yuri as quickly as he dares.

As he closes in, Yuri’s form develops into something more distinct than a shadow breaking up the white monotony of snow. There’s a small campfire, sputtering pitifully, with Yuri’s pack to one side and Yuri himself huddled next to it, wrapped in a blanket that looks wet even from a distance. He doesn’t get up to greet Flynn. Responsibility be damned, Flynn breaks out into a run, snow crunching under his boots.

“Careful on the ice,” Yuri yells, even more hoarsely than Flynn’s throat feels.

“My boots have grip,” Flynn calls back. He would be more worried about monsters, but a peripheral scan shows no threats. Yuri’s still in good enough shape to defend his encampment, evidently. Then again, for Yuri, that threshold is probably half a step removed from dead. …Flynn doesn’t want to think about this anymore.

“Well, my damn boots apparently don’t, and now I have a broken leg about it, so just be fucking careful, would you?”

Somewhat chastised, but mostly because he’s almost to Yuri anyway, Flynn slows down. He comes to a stop looming over Yuri. Yuri tilts his head up and tries to smile, but he mostly looks exhausted and pained. Sure enough, there's a makeshift splint tied around his right leg.

“Hey, Commandant.”

Flynn shakes his head and crouches beside him. If he doesn’t keep moving, he might start crying from sheer relief. He starts peeling the wet blanket away from Yuri’s shoulders. Yuri shivers violently. “How long?”

“Broke the leg a day ago. Been in the Drifts, uh... three days.”

“Good gods, Yuri.”

“Wasn’t so bad while I was still mobile.” Yuri squirms to be closer as Flynn shakes out the dry emergency blanket and wraps it around Yuri. He lets Yuri adjust the blanket while he turns to kick snow over the sad little fire and make sure Yuri’s pack is in order. When he glances back toward the ship, they’ve begun to lower a skiff with medics and a sled.

“You’re lucky you didn’t go into shock.”

“I’ve had worse.”

“I know you have, you damn fool, but have you had them while stranded on an ice floe?”

“Variety is the spice of life,” Yuri says, but he’s missing the mark on humor and veering into miserable. Flynn sighs. He wants something to be mad at, to burn out the fear and concern, but it isn’t going to be Yuri. Not when he’s like this.

“Am I allowed to hug you, or will that embarrass you in front of the Knights?”

“Just get over here. I’m cold.”

Flynn gently pulls Yuri against himself. Yuri lets out a deep, relieved sigh of his own.

“Missed you,” he mumbles, muffled and sounding slightly dazed as he huddles into Flynn’s arms.

“I bet you did,” Flynn says, trying to keep his tone light even with the heavy ache in his heart. He bundles the blanket more tightly around Yuri and pulls him in closer, trying to impart as much warmth as possible. Yuri doesn’t usually go for sentimental reunions where other people can see it. The fact that he is now means he’s either in worse shape than Flynn first thought or he’s horrifyingly aware of how dire his situation could have been. Maybe both. “You big warmth leech.”

“Mm... not my fault you’re always warm.” Flynn can feel the faint shape of Yuri’s lips pressed under his jaw, Yuri is so close. “S’all the sunshine.”

“All the what?”

“The sunshine,” Yuri says, indignant to have to repeat himself. “‘Cause you’re so... nice. And bright. Sunshine-y.”

“You’re deeper into hypothermia than I thought you were,” Flynn says. He can feel his face burning in a way that has nothing to do with the cold. Maybe that’s Yuri’s whole strategy, though—to get Flynn flustered enough to function as a localized space heater. “That was positively poetic.”

“Was not. S’true. And I’m not hypothermic,” Yuri says, which Flynn is fully prepared to argue until he follows up with, “I haven’t slept in two days though.”

“Yuri!”

“Might not’ve woken up again,” Yuri says, matter-of-factly. “Too cold.”

“Spirits in heaven.” Flynn can’t help himself. He presses his face into Yuri’s hair. Yuri accepts it without objection, but then he’s shivering so hard Flynn doubts there’s much physical contact he would reject right now. “Give me ten minutes to bask in your safety before you start saying things like that.”

“Sorry,” Yuri mumbles. Flynn’s fingers are starting to feel numb, even through the heavy-duty gloves, and if he kneels in the snow much longer, his greaves will freeze this way. Fortunately, the medics have picked their way over the icy dunes and almost reached them. “Didn’t have Repede to keep watch while I slept, anyway.”

“Slightly less scary,” Flynn says. He shifts around in preparation to load Yuri onto the sled. “I’ll allow it.”

“You didn’t make him come back, right?”

Yuri is definitely woozy, because he doesn’t complain when Flynn slides one arm behind his back and the other under his knees in preparation to lift him. Yuri hates being carried with a vicious passion. Flynn almost wishes he would pull his usual act of snapping and pushing at him for it.

“It’s warmer on the ship,” Flynn says. He heaves Yuri off the ground as the medics pull up with the sled. He keeps talking as they coordinate to settle Yuri onto it as gently as possible. “Even compared to the camp further south. And anyway, he demanded to come along to find his Yuri.”

He starts to pull back. Yuri unexpectedly grabs for his arm. “Flynn—“

“Wh—“

“Don’t go—“

Yuri’s eyes are wide and dark, framed by the frost clumping in his eyelashes. He looks frantic. Flynn gently twists his arm in Yuri’s hold, just to clasp his wrist in turn.

“Don’t go,” Yuri says again, with less desperation and more quiet pleading.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Flynn says, soothingly. He squeezes Yuri’s wrist. “I’ll just walk alongside the sled. We’re all going back to the ship. It’s okay.”

“Don’t go,” Yuri repeats. His eyelashes flutter almost closed as his grip on Flynn’s arm slackens. One of the medics reaches over to check his pulse before Flynn can panic.

“He’s alright for now, Commandant,” she says. “Just worn out. But the sooner we get him warmed up, the better.”

“Let’s go, then,” Flynn says, firmly, burying the fear in his gut as he grabs one of the leads on the sled and slings Yuri's pack over his shoulder.

They don’t go to the medical hold. The more senior medic asks Flynn where Yuri might be most comfortable resting while he warms up; my quarters, Flynn says, and so Yuri is brought to the Captain’s quarters. After being made to remove his outer layers, Flynn is directed to manhandle his semi-conscious friend’s body so the medics can pull away the cold, wet clothing. The senior medic sends her junior out for more supplies while she takes Yuri's temperature and checks him for hidden injuries. Yuri only whimpers softly as he’s prodded.

“Looks like it’s just the leg,” she says. Thank the gods. “It's a clean break, but I’m afraid we won't be mending it quite yet. We want his circulation to be regular again before we try to set it. We'll put a new splint on in the meantime.”

“Is there anything I can do while we wait?” Flynn asks, helplessly. He’s never had to know the recovery process for hypothermia before. Even in the Lower Quarter, their neighbors never let them go cold. The medic gives him a sympathetic side-eye while she fixes the splint in place.

“You can lift him while I pull back the covers, so we can get him wrapped up.” So they do, and when the junior medic comes back, they bundle on the extra blankets. She slides a warm compress in to lay over the back of Yuri’s neck, for good measure. An extra pillow gets stuffed under his splinted leg to elevate it. A steaming thermos of warm chicken stock waits on the side table.

“Stay with him,” the medic tells Flynn. “Have him drink the broth. Keep the compress on his core areas, not his extremities. If you’re worried he’s still too cold, skin-to-skin contact helps, but he seems like he’ll be alright. He was very fortunate.”

Then the medics are gone, and Flynn is left alone with Yuri. His soft, sleepy breaths are barely enough to move the mountain of blankets they’ve buried him under. The ship lurched back into motion ages ago; hopefully the steady rocking is a comfort to Yuri, rather than a concern.

Flynn perches on the edge of the bed and rests a hand approximately where Yuri’s shoulder might be, under the blankets. “...Yuri? Are you awake?”

“Yeh,” Yuri grumbles. Even shadowed by blankets and wayward strands of hair and half-hidden by the pillow, Flynn can see the way his nose scrunches up. “‘M here.”

“Any better yet?”

“Hurts,” Yuri says, plaintively. “Everything. Fingers. Face. Legs. All hurts.”

“That’s good,” Flynn says. “Good. You’re warming up. Your nerves still work.”

“But it hurts.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Yuri’s eyes crack open as he favors Flynn with a sulky look.

“I know,” Flynn says again. He reaches over to brush some of the hair off Yuri’s face. Yuri makes a quiet, surprised noise, turning and pushing into the touch like a cat being stroked.

“‘S nice.”

“My fingers?” Flynn turns the glancing touch of fingertips into a palm pressed to Yuri’s cheek. Yuri’s eyes slide closed again as he rubs his face into Flynn’s hand.

“Warm.”

“It doesn’t hurt?”

“Not so much.”

Skin-to-skin contact, the medic said. Flynn hesitates. He’s not just fooling himself to get something he wants, is he? Of course he would cuddle with Yuri in a heartbeat, any time, if he thought it was welcome. But Yuri is in pain right now, and if Flynn can do something to warm him up faster that would hurt less...

“Do you want me to climb in there with you?”

Yuri smiles, wryly, without opening his eyes. “You’d cook.”

“I’m not asking if it would be comfortable for me, I’m asking if you want me to. If it would help.”

“...You don’t have to.”

“I know that.”

Yuri’s eyes slit open again. He burrows down against the pillows, watching Flynn’s expression. After a long, quiet minute, he finally mutters, “I mean. If you insist.”

“I’m offering,” Flynn says, firmly. That’s about as close to a yes, please as he’s likely to get out of Yuri. There's something reassuring about the fact that Yuri feels enough like himself to be obtuse. Flynn rises from the bed and takes off the rest of his under-armor clothes, stripping down to his underwear. He tugs on the corner of a blanket when he’s ready. Yuri flips more of the corner back with shaky fingers. Flynn crawls in with him, tucking the blankets back down around them as he settles and reaches to gather Yuri into his arms.

He regrets it immediately. The noise Yuri makes when his cold skin presses all along Flynn’s warm body is absolutely indecent.

“Geez,” Flynn says, hoping that against all odds he hasn’t gone scarlet in the face again. A man can dream.

“You’re so warm,” Yuri moans. He curls even closer to Flynn and tucks his cold fingers against Flynn’s ribs.

“You’re freezing,” Flynn says, intelligently. To be honest, he sort of appreciates it. It’s hard to spiral down undesirable lines of thought when Yuri is so unpleasantly cool to the touch. It turns out the intimacy of Yuri's bare body isn't enough to make a person ignore cold toes and fingertips.

“No shit,” Yuri says, which Flynn figures is pretty much fair.

“Have we learned anything from this experience?”

“Yeah, not to run any fucking errands for Raven.”

Flynn sighs. “What in heaven’s name did Captain Raven need that put you out alone on the Drifts?”

“Rita’s still mad he sold off that micro-whatever for swimsuits,” Yuri grumbles. He snuggles in to press his nose under the curve of Flynn’s jaw. Flynn tries not to shiver with the brush of cold flesh against his neck. “Tried to send him off to find another one. He pitched this big whining fit about his poor old man bones and joints and the cold, and bribed me into doing it in his place.”

“I know you think you’re passing off the blame,” Flynn says, “But all I hear is that you're still a fool who wandered into the frozen wasteland alone. You should have brought someone else along.”

...Not that he won’t also have a stern word or two for Raven the next time he sees him. For all of Brave Vesperia, really, if they're still letting Yuri do missions like this solo.

“Repede was with me,” Yuri says, defensively. “And I’ve never had any trouble passing through the Drifts before.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. You can’t find your way out of a wet paper bag without finding mortal drama when you’re left alone.”

“Be nice to me, I almost died.”

Flynn grits his teeth against the impulse to lash out at being reminded of how much danger Yuri was in. “I am being nice to you. I’m letting you stick your cold toes on me.”

“I—“ Flynn can practically feel the way Yuri physically bites back his snappy retort. “—I... appreciate that.”

“Good gods,” Flynn says. “You are dying.”

Yuri kicks him under the blankets with his good leg. Flynn responds by sliding his hands down from Yuri’s back to drag them with a threateningly light touch over his sides. Yuri squirms, wary but unwilling to leave the warmth of the embrace.

“Don’t you dare.”

“You started it.”

“I tried to be grateful for once in my life and you made fun of me.”

“It’s my job to make fun of you.”

Flynn flutters another ticklish touch over Yuri’s side. Yuri whines piteously, kicking at him again.

“Seriously, Flynn!”

“Bet it would warm you right up.”

“No!” One of Flynn’s hands circles to Yuri’s front. Yuri grabs him by the wrist before he can sink his fingers into Yuri’s stomach. “I will throw you out of this goddamn bed.”

“It’s my bed.”

“So?”

“Fine, fine,” Flynn says. He pats Yuri's hip in a gesture of peace. Yuri slowly, grudgingly releases his wrist. He’s starting to warm up now; his face is hot where it’s pressed against Flynn’s neck. Flynn wriggles one hand back up to adjust the warm compress over the back of Yuri’s own neck. “How badly does your leg hurt?”

“I’ve felt better,” Yuri says. Pretty badly, then. “Gels I took earlier are taking some of the edge off, though.”

“You aren’t supposed to use them as painkillers like that,” Flynn mutters. Sometimes the gels start to heal the break before the bone can be properly set. He hopes the medics won’t have to break Yuri’s leg again to reset it. The senior medic didn’t say anything about that, though, so maybe it will be okay. He tucks a hand in against the small of Yuri’s back to encourage him to nestle close. Yuri makes a soft sound in a tone Flynn doesn’t recognize. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Yuri mumbles. His fingers curl against Flynn’s ribs again. Louder, he adds, “‘S just apple gels. Didn’t go heavy duty or anything.”

“That’s something, at least.”

“When will they be able to fix it?”

“Not long now, I hope,” Flynn says. Yuri is warming up readily enough, even his previously icy fingers and toes. It makes having him bundled in Flynn’s arms drastically more appealing, but Flynn will simply have to exercise his self-restraint so he can help Yuri feel better without making it weird. “Maybe we can send for someone after you sit up and drink some broth."

“Mm.”

More of a sleepy hum than a sound of acknowledgement. Yuri’s breathing is starting to even out, slow and calm over Flynn’s collarbone. Flynn jostles him a little.

“Don’t sleep yet.” Yuri will be almost impossible to wake up once he crashes, at this point.

“Tired.”

“We need to get your leg fixed. And when did you last eat?”

“Breakfast,” Yuri says. It’s mid-afternoon now. Not that bad, Flynn supposes. He was afraid it would be much longer. “Packed lots of rations.”

“Even if you don't have an appetite, you should eat something small to keep yourself going,” Flynn says. It occurs to him belatedly that he’s been stroking Yuri’s lower back absentmindedly for the last few minutes. Is it weirder to stop, or to keep going? Yuri doesn’t seem bothered; he seems most of the way to sleep, to be honest. Maybe Flynn’s unsolicited petting is a contributing factor on that front. “And you definitely need to drink the soup. Make sure you're warm and hydrated."

“Have to sit up for that,” Yuri grumbles. He burrows down, shoving his face into Flynn’s shoulder rather than his jaw. Flynn wants very badly to kiss the crown of his head, just inches away from his lips. He squeezes Yuri in his arms instead.

"Come on. I'll keep the blankets around us while you do it, and stay with you. You won't get chilled."

"Says you," Yuri mutters. But he slowly, painstakingly extracts himself from Flynn's hold and pushes himself up. Flynn scrambles to sit up with him, grabbing the top quilt off the pile so he can crawl to sit behind Yuri, wrapping the quilt around both of their shoulders. "Soup?"

"Soup," Flynn says. Holding the blanket in place with one hand, he leans over to carefully retrieve the thermos with the other. Yuri isn't shivering anymore, but his fingers are slow and clumsy when he accepts it from Flynn. "You have it?"

"Yes, Flynn, don't fuss."

"I'll fuss all I want." But he does ease his hand away and trust Yuri's grip. Yuri drinks quickly, considering the state he’s in. The broth must be appealing enough. He relaxes ever so slightly back against Flynn as he drinks. When he’s finished, Flynn takes the thermos back and holds his fingers to Yuri’s pulse point. Yuri tolerates this with only a huff and an eye-roll. His pulse seems… normal enough. “Well, what do we think? Are you stable enough for the medics to come back?”

“How should I know? Sure, go get them.”

Flynn finds them, already on their way, before he even makes it out of the corridor his quarters are in. They follow him back to the room and bustle around setting their things up. Yuri slouches back against the headboard, gruff expression poorly concealing his nerves.

“I don’t know when your last serious injury was, but this is mana healing, now. It will hurt,” the senior medic warns him.

“It always has,” Yuri dismisses. She pauses and fixes him with a look.

“Yes, and now it will hurt more.”

Yuri grimaces with fear, although he quickly schools it from back to annoyance. “Okay. Sure.”

“In fact, I would recommend you lie down.”

Yuri does, without further complaint. The junior medic props his broken leg up on several pillows. Flynn hovers near the bed, watching anxiously as the medics position themselves around his friend.

Two pairs of hands hover near Yuri’s shin. Runes spark into existence, stabilizing and glowing. Mana arcs around Yuri’s leg.

Yuri yelps and jerks. The junior medic’s hands shoot down to brace his knee and ankle, holding his lower leg steady. Yuri’s expression twists with agony, face grey.

“Try to stay still if you can, Mr. Lowell.

“Son of a fucking—“

“I know. Call me whatever you need to. Come on. Stay still, best you can.”

Yuri tries to be brave, it’s clear he does. But his body shakes with the effort of repressing the pain enough to keep still, and his knuckles are white from the force he uses to grip at the blankets. After a minute, he drags a pillow closer to himself to turn his face into it, biting down to muffle his pained sounds as the medics work. Flynn can't help himself any longer. He sits at the edge of the bed and strokes his fingers through Yuri's hair.

"You're almost done. You'll be able to rest easier after this."

Yuri removes his face from the pillow enough to croak through gritted teeth, "K-kinda liked it better when I was too cold to feel the leg."

"Don't say things like that." Flynn frowns down at him, forcing himself not to let his fingers tighten their grip in Yuri's hair. "Almost done, Yuri. Come on. Just be strong for a little longer."

Yuri responds by tucking his face into the crook between Flynn's thigh and the mattress, shoulders shaking. Poor thing. Mana-based magic has come much farther than Flynn was once afraid of, and mana healing the furthest and fastest of anything, but it's not yet as efficient as it used to be with blastia. For a broken bone... with blastia, it hurt to mend, but at least it was over fast. It can't be fun to draw it out. Flynn finds himself cupping the back of Yuri's head protectively, as though he could somehow shelter him from the pain.

Finally, the medics remove their hands, both sighing and shaking themselves out. The senior medic straightens herself out and gives Flynn a tired smile.

"All done, Mr. Lowell. Commandant.”

Yuri slumps against Flynn's leg, tension dissipating from his spine. Flynn returns the medic's smile with one of his own, hopefully not as exhausted as he feels. "Thank you very much."

“It’s our duty and honor, sir.” She pats Yuri’s ankle. He flinches, tucking his leg up towards himself defensively. “Mr. Lowell should be on a good course for recovery now. Just be careful of that leg for a few more hours. The mending is complete, but his body isn’t necessarily caught up on that.”

How… ominous. Flynn tries to remember if anyone said things like that about broken limbs when healing magic used blastia and aer. He can’t recall ever hearing that before. Then again, Flynn’s general life strategy has been to avoid breaking limbs. “I see.”

“We’ll get out of your way. Send someone to fetch us from the medical bay if you have any further concerns. Any requests you’d like us to pass along to the steward?”

“Ah—I already sent for food, it should just need to be collected from the kitchen. Would it be possible—?”

“Of course, sir. We’ll make sure someone brings it over.”

“Thank you.”

“Anything else?”

“No, thank you, that’s all.”

“Alright, sir. By your leave.”

The medics gather their supplies, salute, and depart. Yuri lets out a long, stuttering exhale against Flynn’s thigh.

“All done,” Flynn murmurs. He pats the back of Yuri’s neck. “How are you feeling?”

“Ow,” Yuri mumbles.

“I’m sorry.”

“Better ’n having a broken leg.” Yuri sighs again, shifting back slightly from his hiding spot. “Where’s my dog?”

“The medics asked me to keep him out until your leg was mended.” Flynn cranes his neck to glance at the door. Yuri is likely to cheer up some once he can curl up with Repede again. “Shall I go find him?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.” Reluctantly, Flynn forces himself to rise from the bed. Tucking a blanket back over Yuri’s shoulders, he assures him, “I’ll be right back.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Hurry up.”

Flynn hurries. Fortunately, he doesn’t need to take long. Repede is lurking not too far from his quarters, looking hunched and miserable, although he perks up at the sight of Flynn and, after sniffing his hands, the scent of Yuri. Tail wagging, he bounds as he follows Flynn back to the cabin. He seems much less bothered to stumble with the rocking of the ship than usual. On their way, a crewmate flags Flynn down, and hands off the food. Excellent. Two missions accomplished at once. Flynn smiles to himself as he cracks the door open to let Repede in and slip back inside his quarters.

“There’s my dog,” Yuri says, sounding the most upbeat he’s been since Flynn found him. By the time Flynn has the door closed behind himself again, Repede is rolling around on the mattress next to Yuri, panting happily. Yuri, sat upright with a blanket swaddled around himself, rubs his belly. “Yeah, yeah. I’m alright. Sorry about the fuss. You’re a good boy. Thanks for getting Flynn for me.”

“He’s a very good dog,” Flynn agrees. They’ll have to reward him with a nice steak or something of the sort when they’re all safely delivered back to Zaphias.

“Yuri, here.”

“What?” Yuri glances up. Weary contentment twists quickly into suspicion when Flynn holds the bowl of food out to him. “What’s this?”

“Food. I told you, you should eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Please,” Flynn wheedles. Yuri glares at the bowl. With Yuri’s petting paused, Repede sprawls out next to him on the bed. “It’s just plain rice and eggs. Nothing objectionable. You can eat that just to make me shut up, can’t you?”

“…Did you make it?”

Flynn winces. Of all the times for Yuri to be fussy about taking things from the other Knights. “I… No. I’m sorry. It seemed more prudent to have the kitchen prepare something while we were preoccupied, so that you could get some rest sooner.”

Yuri glances between Flynn’s face and the bowl, then slowly reaches out to take it from him. Flynn could collapse across the mattress in relief. He settles for beaming as Yuri uses his spoon to break into the yolk of an egg, instead.

“Thank you.”

“‘M really not that hungry,” Yuri says. He still shovels a spoonful into his mouth. After a moment of chewing, his expression lightens a little, and he goes back for another mouthful much more quickly.

“I know pain isn’t very appetizing,” Flynn says. “But I would hate for you to sleep off the pain only to wake up nauseated because you were so hungry.”

“I’ve gone longer without eating and been fine,” Yuri says, around a mouth crammed with rice. Flynn could say he’s never been so glad to be disgusted, but this is unfortunately not the first time Yuri has inspired such a feeling. “That wasn’t gonna be the thing that did me in.”

He would really rather not talk about things doing Yuri in right now, to be honest. “All the same, I’ll feel better knowing you’ve had a good meal.”

“Hmph.”

His disdain doesn’t stop Yuri from wolfing down the rest of the food once he’s gotten started, so Flynn won’t complain about the attitude. He takes the bowl when Yuri’s done and sets it aside on the nightstand.

“How’s the chill?”

“…It’s mostly gone.”

Flynn frowns. “Not all gone? I would have thought, by now—“

“S’weird,” Yuri mutters. He tucks his blanket cloak around himself defensively. Repede startles slightly at the sudden rustle of fabric, then settles again. “It’s like it—it clings. It doesn’t make any sense. I know I should be warm now, but it still…”

“You were cold for a good while,” Flynn says. He resists the urge to wedge his hand up against Yuri’s neck to check his core temperature again. Yuri is warm now. Thermodynamically, he has to be. And the medics would have commented on it if he was still cold when they took care of his leg. That was the whole point of waiting to heal him. “…How would you feel about a nice, hot bath? Maybe that would help. I have an ensuite bathroom with a shower. Commandant’s privileges.”

Yuri whistles. “Damn. Big shot stuff.”

“You’d make better use of it than I, right now. What do you say?”

“…I could go for a hot shower.”

Flynn brightens. That was the easiest it’s been to convince Yuri of anything since they got him onto the ship. “Alright. Come on, then. I’ll show you where everything is.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Yuri swings both legs over the edge of the bed and goes to stand. The knee of his previously-broken leg buckles within a split second. Flynn has to dive to catch him. Repede yips and leaps to his feet. Yuri snarls, face smushed into Flynn’s shoulder.

“Fuck!”

“Easy,” Flynn says, heart pounding. Yuri’s frantic death-grip on his arms, thrown around him as he fell, slowly relaxes. “Easy. I’ve got you. Your leg still hurts?”

“Yes. Shit.” Yuri heaves a shuddering breath. “Gods. Okay. Let go. I’m ready this time.”

���Are you sure?” Flynn hasn’t seen Yuri go down like that in… a long while. Not since they were fighting people like Duke and Alexei. He usually has enough self-awareness of his injuries, even if he’s hiding them, not to set himself up like that. “If you need a hand—“

Yuri snorts, stabilizing himself with both hands on Flynn’s shoulders as he forces himself upright again. His grip tightens in starts and fits as he tries to balance without putting weight on his bad leg. Behind him on the bed, Repede watches like a hawk, hackles still raised. “What, are you offering to help me in the bath?”

“Yes,” Flynn says, stubbornly, although it makes his cheeks hot. Yuri stares at him like he’s grown another head. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. I don’t want you to fall and crack your head just because you’re embarrassed. Better to just agree on it now and skip the risk than have to call for me anyway after you’ve hurt yourself.”

“I’d accept my fate at that point,” Yuri mutters. He tests putting weight on his other leg again and winces, wobbling. Flynn puts his hands on Yuri’s hips to steady him. Repede slinks toward the edge of the mattress, eyeing his masters nervously. “Better than the lecture. Ow.”

“I didn’t realize mana healing for broken bones still left people so sore,” Flynn says. Yuri is still shifting his weight around like he’s trying to find a comfortable position. No wonder the medic told them to be careful for a few hours longer.

“Probably just leftover bruising,” Yuri says. He finally settles tentatively with both heels flat. Flynn peers down at his leg. It trembles. “And it doesn’t help that I was off my feet for a day and a half, probably.”

No, it wouldn’t help. The thought doesn’t make Flynn any less worried. “Please just let me help?”

“A man could think you had ulterior motives, being this persistent,” Yuri snipes, and Flynn grits his teeth against the reflexive urge to lash back with denial. Yuri is picking a fight on purpose because he’s aching and embarrassed and he thinks he can distract Flynn from making him accept help, he reminds himself. Flynn loses the instant he takes the bait.

“You’re already hurt, Yuri. What if you did fall down now? The ship’s medics just used a lot of energy to heal your leg. What if you were injured badly enough in the fall that they couldn’t heal you, this time, because they were already drained?”

“I won’t.”

“You could easily slip and fall in the bath when you were whole and hale, and you think you can promise me you won’t fall when you can barely stay standing?”

“I’ve never fallen in the bath in my damn life,” Yuri says, but he’s grimacing and wobbling again. His grip digs back into Flynn’s shoulders as he shifts his weight back off his sore leg. “Fucking ow. Fine. You can help me in the stupid bath. Shit.”

“Here, lean on me,” Flynn says, trying not to sound half as relieved as he feels. He fails miserably. He wants to just scoop Yuri up and carry him to the adjoining washroom, but he knows Yuri’s already wounded pride would bite back. He can compromise. “I’ll help you walk. We’ll send for some more painkilling herbs after the bath if you still feel so rotten.”

“Only hurts when I try to stand on it,” Yuri mutters, limping cautiously along with Flynn’s guidance. Repede hops down from the bed, dogging their heels. “You mean like the main role of a leg?”

“…Smartass.”

Flynn shuffles them both inside the bathroom and closes the door behind them, crooning apologetically in response to Repede’s anxious whine at being shut out. No one should be coming into Flynn’s rooms uninvited, but it’s worthwhile to trap the steam in to keep the room as warm as possible. “I’ll get some supplies together. Get out of your shorts in the meantime, alright?”

Yuri scowls, but nonetheless occupies himself with wriggling his way out of his shorts while Flynn searches the cabinet for a washcloth, soap, and shampoo. When Flynn returns to his side, he’s careful not to let his gaze drift. Not that there’s really much he could do to be incriminating short of openly gawking at Yuri’s crotch; Yuri’s been down to shorts this whole time, and Flynn wasn’t kidding about it not being anything he hasn’t seen before, anyway.

“You’re going to get your clothes wet,” Yuri points out.

“You’re the one who was accusing me of having ulterior motives earlier. I thought you might prefer that my shorts stayed on.”

Yuri has the decency to look at least a little ashamed while he says, gruffly, “You know I was only saying that to start shit. Don’t ruin your clothes just because I’m a bastard.”

Flynn sets the bathing supplies to the side and shucks his own clothing. “If you know I know, maybe you should consider learning something from it.”

“…Whatever.”

Flynn cranks on the tap for the shower. A rattle, a haunting creak, and the water bursts out of the pipe, ice-cold. Yuri yelps, trying to hop out of the way and immediately slipping off his good foot when the bad leg gives way under his weight. Flynn has to catch him and haul him back upright, out of the spray’s path.

“No, I don’t need help in the bath, Flynn,” Flynn says, pitching his voice up meanly. He wraps an arm around Yuri’s waist to keep him tucked securely against Flynn’s body while Flynn reaches out a hand to test the water temperature again. “I’ve never fallen in the bath in my life.”

“Fuck you,” Yuri grumbles, against his bare collarbone. “You’re the one who promised hot water—”

“Right away, Yuri. As soon as the shower was turned on—“

“I let you help, didn’t I?!”

“You made me practically beg.”

Yuri is sulkily quiet while Flynn waits for the water to warm up. Flynn ignores him. He’s not expecting an apology. This is how Yuri always gets about accepting help; why would he apologize for it now? So he’s startled when Yuri’s voice is soft and contrite when he speaks up while Flynn is manhandling him back under the shower’s spray.

“You shouldn’t have to waste more time on babying me.”

Flynn stares at him in complete bewilderment. There’s something surreal about Yuri making a vulnerable statement while he’s naked and awkwardly half-wet from the shower, the water not yet equally soaked into all the parts of his hair. Everything feels gravely tense and deeply ridiculous at the same time.

“Waste time on babying you? You had an injury that would have been mortal.” Flynn shakes his head. He tries to make himself focus on the task at hand; the ship only has so much hot water. “Here, one hand on the railing and one on my shoulder.”

Yuri falls silent again as Flynn gets the washcloth lathered with soap and starts scrubbing at his shoulders. Pass the washcloth over his bicep, up his forearm. Flynn feels a burn at the corners of his eyes as he gently rubs the cloth into the pale stretch of wrist that’s usually covered by Niren’s now-defunct old blastia. Wasting time. Hell, Yuri. Flynn knows Yuri couldn’t possibly know just how much time and energy Flynn spent looking for him when he disappeared at Zaude, but the irony of feeling guilty for just the last day and a half isn’t lost on Flynn. He would do far more, far worse things to try to keep Yuri safe. Diverting one ship, from little more than a research cruise? Taking brief time away from his responsibilities as Commandant? Just keeping him warm and comfortable and showering with him? Flynn will do these things easily, happily. But Yuri won’t like to hear that, even though Flynn knows he’s the same way when it’s Flynn who’s in peril. Flynn will have to explain himself another way.

“I like to touch you,” he offers, haltingly. He scrubs the cloth across Yuri’s collarbone. “When you’ve been hurt. It’s reassuring to me. You’re here, and you’re alive, and I can feel that. So even if you weren’t still hurt, even if this wasn’t my best friend needing help that I could easily give, I would want to do this. It’s not wasting time to me. So believe that even if you won’t believe you’re worth the effort.”

“Okay,” Yuri whispers. His grey eyes are wet from the shower. Flynn knows him well enough to know he’s not crying, but the effect is still disconcerting. He cups Yuri’s cheek and tilts his head back to clean under his jaw and down the column of his neck. Yuri’s pulse beats steadily under his palm. Here, and alive, and Flynn can feel it. He has to force himself to move along to Yuri’s other arm. Shoulder, bicep, forearm, wrist—as he moves back to the front of Yuri’s body, Yuri tilts his head back again, glowering up at the ceiling with pink cheeks. Flynn glances at him with some bemusement as he begins cleaning his chest.

“And here I thought you were shameless,” he says, scrubbing carefully over the scars under Yuri’s pecs. Yuri huffs sullenly.

“Different being touched than looked at.”

“I suppose that’s true.”

Flynn traces the sharp line of the scar between Yuri’s ribs on his left side that he refuses to talk about. Yuri breathes unsteadily. Ticklish or uncomfortable? It doesn’t matter which; Flynn politely moves on and Yuri relaxes infinitesimally. Under-arms, his sides, his abdomen. Flynn braces Yuri’s hip and circles around to scrub his back. Yuri shifts restlessly on his good leg.

“Careful,” Flynn warns. “You’ll slip… again.”

“I won’t,” Yuri mutters. He stills anyway. He’s unusually obedient for the rest of the bath. Between the two of them, they figure out an awkward way for Yuri to clean his own legs, with the unspoken agreement that they will never talk about this again. Finally, Yuri rinses away the last of the soap. The tap hasn’t even been off a minute before he’s shivering, and Flynn knows he’s not imagining that Yuri curls closer to him than necessary when Flynn reaches out to wrap him in a fluffy towel. Flynn finds himself murmuring some barely-coherent reassurance as he wraps a second towel around Yuri’s hair.

“Cold,” Yuri whines, quietly, and Flynn hates it, because it is chilly on the ship, but he knows it must be so much worse for Yuri.

“Not for too much longer,” he soothes. “Here, just come lean on the counter and pat yourself dry. I’ll fetch you some of my clothes to borrow.”

“I want my clothes.”

“Your clothes are soaked through.” And still in some soggy pile at the bottom of a bucket in Flynn’s closet. He winces at the thought. Usually he would never be so thoughtless, but—he had just been so worried, when they first got Yuri on the ship. He didn’t want to take the time to hang some silly clothes up to dry. Yuri’s horrible to his own clothes, of course, so he’s hardly likely have serious complaints about the matter, but still. Flynn doesn’t mean to mistreat his things. He’ll have to hang them up while Yuri changes. “I won’t put you in a uniform, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“You will if you feel like having a laugh.”

“I don’t, not now.” Flynn frowns at him. “Just an undershirt and some breeches. Not even those if you don’t want, I could lend you pajama pants instead.”

“…Pajama pants.”

“Alright.”

Flynn turns for the bathroom door. Yuri’s hand shoots out, fingers sliding over his  wet shoulder without finding purchase when he tries to grab for Flynn. Flynn pauses anyway.

“Hey, Commandant, maybe grab your own towel before you track water all over your quarters.”

Oh. Oops. Flynn ducks his head, red-cheeked as he reaches past Yuri for his own towel. Yuri smirks at him half-heartedly as he towels off.

“Mother-henning too hard for your own good.”

“I’m shocked you decided not to just let me make a mess for your own amusement.”

“S’my clothes you’d be dripping on.” True enough. “Besides, we can’t both get sick from being cold and wet in one day. That’d just be depressingly stupid.”

“I’m not going to get ill,” Flynn grumbles. He finishes drying off and sets his towel aside. “I’ll be right back with those clothes.”

Yuri, as impatient as ever, is already peeking out of the bathroom by the time Flynn has chosen clothes for him. Flynn clucks his tongue and herds him back over to the bed. He leaves Yuri to change while he finally drags the bucket of Yuri’s sodden clothes to the bathroom, where he wrings them out over the shower drain. Yuri is still wrestling his way into the pajama pants without bending his bad leg too much when Flynn returns. Repede watches from the floor, clearly dubious about the display of human grace he’s witnessing.

“Do you want some help?”

“No,” Yuri snaps, tone brittle enough with embarrassment to convince Flynn to leave him be. He moves on to dress himself, instead. When he’s done, he glances back just in time to see Yuri about to flop down on the pillows with completely wet hair. He has to dive to stop him.

“Yuri, don’t. Your hair!”

“Don’t care about my hair. I want to sleep.”

“You’re going to care a lot more about your hair when you realize a wet pillow is a cold pillow. Here, give me the towel.”

“What are you, my mother?”

“I can’t imagine how you got hypothermia,” Flynn says, as he vigorously rubs the towel into Yuri’s scalp. Yuri tries to shove him away and misses by a mile, blinded by the towel and his own hair.

“I didn’t take a freaking dip in the ice water, jerk.”

“Then it’s no wonder you were so stinky when I found you.”

Flynn draws back. Yuri blinks up at him, looking bizarrely innocent with his ruffled hair and Flynn’s clothes on, just a smidgen too big in the shoulders. The childish pout isn’t doing him any favors, either.

“Fine, next time I’ll strip down in the middle of the blizzard and get myself wet with my wash kit. Freeze into a real popsicle. Is that what you want?”

“Please don’t.” Flynn turns away and rummages in a drawer until he finds a comb. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Repede hop up back onto the bed with Yuri, curling up next to his legs. Yuri pats his head. The bickering feels a little forced, as though they’re both trying too hard to push back to normal after the vulnerability of the bath. Flynn still prefers it to the charged tension from before the bath, though. He turns back to Yuri with the comb.

“Gimme that,” Yuri says. He grabs a wayward blanket and wraps it around his shoulders before reaching out. Flynn holds the comb just out of his reach.

“Let me.”

“What?” Yuri eyes him warily. “Why?”

“You’re in recovery, just relax for a minute.”

“It’s not relaxing when you pull on my hair.”

“That was years ago. I can be gentle now.”

“You better,” Yuri grumbles, after a moment of hesitation. Huh. Flynn was fully prepared to have to argue more to get his way. Yuri scoots over to make room as he crawls back onto the bed. Flynn coaxes him to sit in the cradle of Flynn’s legs, his back to Flynn’s front while Flynn’s back is against the headboard.

“Three strikes and I take that back.”

“Fair enough,” Flynn says. Again, that’s two more strikes than he expected to be permitted. He wonders if he’s being granted extra concessions based on what he said in the shower about liking to touch Yuri when he’s been hurt. That would be interesting, if it were true. Flynn meant it all, of course, but he hadn’t realized Yuri would take it so seriously.

He separates out a lock of Yuri’s hair to start on, mindful of the spots where it tangles into other locks. Part by part, little by little, using his fingers to carefully manage knots so that he can pick them apart without yanking on Yuri’s scalp. Flynn hums absent-mindedly as he works. He feels much mellower than he had earlier, when Yuri’s leg was freshly mended. It’s the series of small but important improvements to Yuri’s condition, he thinks. Yuri is fed, Yuri is clean, Yuri is warm, Yuri is safe and letting Flynn touch him to prove it to himself. Before long, the comb draws through Yuri’s hair cleanly, no snags, and Yuri’s hair is as smooth and shiny as ever between Flynn’s fingers.

It occurs to Flynn that Yuri has been quiet for a while now. He hasn’t called any strikes.

“Well?”

Yuri stirs with a sleepy mumble, as though he had been dozing under Flynn’s ministrations. “Mm?”

“I’m almost done with your hair. Have I improved at all?”

“…Ah. You are more gentle now.”

“I can’t believe you assumed my hair-brushing abilities plateaued when I was an angry teenager,” Flynn says. He runs the comb through each section of Yuri’s hair one more time, partially to check for missed tangles and partially because he’s not ready to be done having Yuri’s silky-smooth, soft hair running over his fingers. “Although I am sorry to have been so careless at the time.”

“We were both shitty teenagers,” Yuri says, easily as anything. He makes no move to take the comb from Flynn, now that his hair is tidy. Flynn takes it as tacit permission to keep going. “I wasn’t exactly gentle at the time either. I think that’s pretty standard. I told Estelle not to let Rita near her hair until she grows up enough to stop setting things on fire when she gets mad.”

“She wouldn’t,” Flynn says, aghast at the mere suggestion. “Not Lady Estellise.”

“It’s Rita. Might not even happen on purpose.” Yuri leans back. Flynn pauses in his brushing. Yuri tips back against his chest, his head leaning against Flynn’s shoulder. He’s a solid, limp weight. Flynn gets his hands out of the way and tentatively rests them on Yuri’s hips. “You’re warm.”

“You are too, now,” Flynn says. He drums his fingers against Yuri’s hipbone. “Still feeling chilled?”

“Mm. Little bit.” Yuri sighs. “Guess my head’s still not caught up with my body.”

“That’s fine,” Flynn says. He rests his head against Yuri’s, letting their weight press into each other. “I can spare a little body heat if it’s helping you.”

“Thanks.” Yuri is quiet for a long moment in which Flynn wonders if it’s okay to leave his hands where they are. It feels like the right place to put them, if this is how Yuri wants to sit with him. Ideally for Flynn, of course, he would have his arms wrapped fully around Yuri so he was safely and completely cocooned in Flynn, but that’s pushing it, platonically speaking. “...Flynn?”

“Mm?”

“Uh.” Yuri huffs out a forced laugh. “This is real, right?”

Flynn blinks, baffled. “Real?”

“I mean. We’re really here and I made it to safety, right? I’m not having some weird dying dream in the snow?”

For fuck’s sake. Flynn gives up on the self-restraint and hooks both arms around Yuri’s middle to pull him snugly back against Flynn’s body, folding his arms over Yuri’s waist and bracketing Yuri’s hips with his knees. Yuri yelps, but when he reaches for Flynn’s wrists, it’s to hold rather than remove. Repede jolted to his feet with the sudden movements, but now he circles back to Flynn’s side to lay beside them. His tail curves under Flynn’s leg to brush up against Yuri’s feet.

Flynn tucks his face against Yuri’s shoulder and mutters, “Feel real to you?”

“Yeah,” Yuri says, but his voice wobbles. Flynn squeezes him. Yuri huddles down in place like he can burrow inside of Flynn. “Thanks.”

Flynn can’t squeeze Yuri much tighter without hurting him, but he wishes he could. He remembers Yuri’s wide eyes, framed with snowy lashes, as he begged Flynn not to leave him alone on the sled. It takes a lot to scare Yuri. Flynn knows he frets too much most of the time, but... he's usually making up for Yuri being more flippant. Even when Yuri takes things seriously, it's usually because someone else is in trouble. Not Yuri himself. For Yuri to be curled in Flynn's lap, asking to be comforted—

Flynn tries to convince himself that it's good that Yuri understands how much danger he was in. That it's not a terrifying disruption to Flynn's ability to compartmentalize. It's not as though Flynn didn't already know how bad the situation was. Why does Yuri acknowledging it make him so anxious? It shouldn't be a bad thing. It's progress. Flynn wants him to have self preservation instincts, to be able to be scared for himself and seek help. This is what they were talking about earlier, in the bath. Or rather, what Flynn was too much of a coward to push him on earlier in the bath.

“…I’m being stupid. Pretend I didn’t—“

“You aren’t being stupid,” Flynn says, lowly. “I’m right here. I’m with you. This is real. You made it and you’re safe.”

Yuri lets out a shuddering breath. Flynn spreads one of his hands flat over Yuri’s chest to feel the thump of his heartbeat. It’s perfectly normal. Maybe a touch fast, but normal. Yuri is fine now, just rattled. They could both do with that reminder.

“You should sleep,” Flynn adds, more gently. Surely the sleep deprivation isn’t helping Yuri’s frame of mind. “I’m sorry to have kept you up so long. Rest now, okay? You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

“You’ll stay?”

“Of course, if that’s what you want.”

“...Yeah.”

Yuri lets Flynn manhandle him until the blankets are out from under their butts and Flynn can curl up behind him as the big spoon, under a pile of warm covers. Repede stretches out in front of Yuri, leaning over to lick him once on the nose. Yuri snorts.

"Eurgh, dog breath."

"He's just telling you he's here, too," Flynn says. He wriggles an arm out from under the comforter to pat Repede before draping his arm back over Yuri's side. “Wake me up if you need anything, alright?”

"'Kay," Yuri mumbles. "You nap too. Work too hard."

"Okay, Yuri," Flynn says, patiently. He works a perfectly normal amount, and he doesn't feel much tired. He can't imagine he's going to sleep, as wound up as he feels with the ebbing fear of Yuri in peril. He'll just lie here and make sure Yuri is warm and comfortable, and enjoy the moment.

...

...Yuri's body is very warm and comfortable snuggled up against his...

...And he smells nice... and he's snuffling quiet snores into Flynn's pillows, the both of them cocooned with the soft quilts and...

Flynn sleeps.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics Including PJ (3) Masterlist

part one, part two

A night in Florence (ao3) - Japhan2024

Summary: "And then there was the concertmaster. His name was Phil Lester, he was a slender, tall guy and an enigma. Nobody knew much about him. He would tell the odd joke and people would lose it - especially Louise - but he mostly kept to himself."

a night to remember (ao3) - grievingwarwidow

Summary: roxie, who prefers the label exotic performer over stripper, is a star amongst people who are out when the sun goes down. who better for a close-minded phil who has despised what he labels as lowlifes to suddenly obsess over than Roxie himself?

aka the one where phil gets pathetically hung up on dan, better known as roxie and is desperate to get to know him better.

baby can't you see? (i'm calling) (ao3) - danfanciesphil (thejigsawtimess)

Summary: Two years after Dan's ill-advised stint up a mountain, and Phil's escape from a Royal psychopath, their dramatic flying off into the horizon hasn't had such a steady landing. Phil is consumed by his new venture in giving back to the world, but Dan is receiving none of this graciousness. Their living situation remains unstable, and they're barely in the same room long enough to hold hands.

It's all about to break apart, when the pandemic hits them where it hurts. Once again, Dan and Phil find themselves thrown into isolation with one another, back up where it all began. The memories of The Secret of the Alps are both fond and traumatic; being there again, trapped and in a bitter feud, is worryingly familiar. Can they make it out together a second time around? Or is this cycle doomed to repeat itself forever, until one of them calls it quits?

Butterfly (ao3) - A_Million_Regrets

Summary: Phil Lester, a lonely writer, finds a dying boy with beautiful black wings on a cold, rainy night in a dingy alleyway. He recognizes the boy as one of the winged men hated by human society. They are considered to be wild, ferocious beasts, but Phil's sympathy forces him to help the boy.

What happens when the boy, considered to be a wild beast, gets too attached and follows him home with an innocent, dimpled smile?

Dan and His Butterflies (ao3) - Raspberrysaxophone

Summary: Dan is terribly in love with Phil (the sporty jog). So much so, that Dan joins the school's sports team to be closer to him. As Dan awkwardly stumbles around, Phil starts to take notice of him. A party takes place and who knows what a drunk Dan might do...

dancing on the blades (you set my heart on fire) (ao3) - kishere

Summary: Dan Howell is an ice skater in England, a non power player in the world of competitive ice skating. Phil Lester is the greatest ice skater to come out of England in the past decade, part of a family legacy. When Dan is offered a spot at Phil's family gym, he learns what he was missing the most to be the best ice skater he could be.

Or: the yuri on ice inspired au

Ethereal (ao3) - Sinncity

Summary: Dan’s not normal. In fact, he’s never met a single person exactly like him. No one else can move objects with their mind, just by a simple thought. He lives life carefully, limited interactions and semi-non-existent social life. That is, until a pair of sapphire eyes change everything.

First Impressions (Perhaps I Was Wrong) (ao3) - Ablissa

Summary: Phil Lester goes back to university for his third year, expecting to live in the dorms with his childhood best friend PJ. That's how it's been for the past years, after all. However, due to a mistake of some sort, he finds himself with a new roommate to spend the semester with.

Daniel Howell, three years his junior, has rich brown eyes, a laptop to hide them behind, and not more than two words to spare in Phil's direction. Phil is no fortune teller, but he foresees the upcoming months will be filled with a whole lot of awkward silence.

Unless, of course, Dan proves him wrong...

Could one little mistake lead to something entirely life-changing? Perhaps it could. After all, nearly everything changes when Phil meets Dan.

First to Listen (To Anything I Said) (ao3) - SylvesterLester

Summary: It's 2004, and Dan Howell is screwing up in school. He can't help that he's stuck in boring classes with boring people and just doesn't care. So when Phil Lester, one of the geekiest kids in school, is assigned to be his tutor, he's expecting this to just be another crappy part of his already crappy life.

But when it turns out Phil might be Dan's first real friend, his hormones threaten to screw all that up. Because that's all it is, right? Hormones?

give this thing a try (ao3) - pasteldanhowells

Summary: Dan is a cashier at a grocery store, and Phil is his supervisor. One evening at work, Phil surprises Dan by asking him out on a date, and of course Dan, who's had a crush on Phil since forever, says yes. Cue, the freaking out and comfort ensues.

i don't know why (i can't keep my eyes off of you) (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Starting a new university is hard enough without Phil having to convince his best friend PJ he doesn't have a crush on their other flatmate, Dan. He definitely does not have a crush on Dan.

I try to picture me without you but I can't (ao3) - solarpower21

Summary: After Dan's tragic death, Phil starts having a bunch of strange dreams where he is still alive. But are they really just dreams?

Or: Phil's soul consciousness can't cope with Dan's death, so he starts hopping between different universes, trying to look for him.

Just Like Magic (ao3) - waylesssad

Summary: There is a lot more to magic than waving your wand and saying a few funny words.

Kick Me While I'm Down (ao3) - jerseker

Summary: Dan and Phil meet in an adult kickball league. Phil is just there to make friends. Dan is - not.

Les Règles du Jeu (ao3) - danfanciesphil (thejigsawtimess)

Summary: Games night at PJ's. Phil wants to play.

Like a cicada rhythm. (ao3) - emmibug

Summary: every night they share the same bed, legs twisted together, arms holding each other close. dan and phil haven’t grown up from their childlike sense of friendship which leads people to believe there’s something deeper going on.

a dan and phil childhood best friends to lovers AU where they share the same bed and always have done.

My Juliet (ao3) - RyRyCaptain

Summary: Phil is a world-famous playwright, and he's directing his newest play, Romeo and Juliet. Dan is an actor who luckily receives the part of Juliet.

Since 2009 (Heart and Love Eyed) (ao3) - LowBatteryPanda

Summary: Since 2009, I have loved you. I spent most of my youth with you, I learned so much from being with you and being by your side. And I am so thankful for it, I am thankful for every moment. I could not of imagined spending all of this time, with a dork like you in the best way possible.

If I would've told myself at that time to be happier with life, I would. Knowing that my life was going to change around. I am so thankful every minute of everyday. And I can't believe what I am actually about to say right now.

Will you marry me Phillip Michael Lester?

so american (ao3) - ae121

Summary: Phil has been living in London for a year and thinks he's gotten pretty used to the city. He works part-time at a bookstore, using it at first to gain some friends, now it's just fun for him. His friends are constantly trying to find him someone to date, but all of his dates don't go well.

Well, that's until he met Dan.

strike a deal, kiss my lips (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Witches were the only magical beings capable of binding and controlling demons. It required a complicated ritual and crazy amounts of magic.

It happening on accident was practically unheard of until Phil came along and got tangled up with a snarky and dangerous demon named Dan. Suddenly bound together, Phil must grapple with control over a chaotic demon that wants to strip the skin from his bones.

And maybe strip the clothes off of his body as well.

that's what friends are for (ao3) - SylvesterLester

Summary: Long before Dan Howell was a rock god, he was in a band.

The Cherry Blossom Secret (ao3) - BlueFox1319

Summary: A secret lies in this hideaway, for when an almost mad artist and a grief ridden photographer meet.

Their worlds could either wilt or bloom with unknowing enchantment.

'tis the damn season (ao3) - pasteldanhowells

Summary: Dan is the coffee shop regular at the shop Phil just started working at. Phil quickly learns that Dan is a bit of a Grinch who refuses to try the shops' holiday drinks, or anything new really. Phil's determined to change Dan's mind about the holiday drinks.

Two Doors Down (ao3) - danfanciesphil (thejigsawtimess)

Summary: Dan drums in the dead of night to dispel the quiet. Phil can hear him from two doors down.

When the Weather Breaks (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: Sitting across from Phil on that worn out velvet Starbucks sofa, sharing sickeningly sweet coffees and what they would like to think were hushed giggles, was the first time Dan felt a glimpse at what real love could feel like.

or

Perception checks, pining, and peppermint mochas.

[spookypookies]

Do you think if it's okay that you could do a lil fic or even just headcanons of cg Victor and Yuuri with a little gender neutral reader who doesn't really know how to skate and asks Victor and Yuuri for help?? (And maybe even just a lil bit of Yurio being nice?)

I can try!!! victor and Yuri will be married in this instead of engaged

victor x yuri x Gn! little! reader (with some yurio too)

you were a figure skater a talented figure skater at that but when you were regressed not so much, yurio was your fellow ice skater and friend he invited you over to play video games and chill. you accepted since he was your friend and you were close on ice. you walked to Victor and Yuri's home and greeted them "Hi there I'm here for Yurio if that's alright?". victor smiled at you and let you in "he should be up in his room it's nice he has his old friend over you two have fun!". after an hour Yuri knocked on Yurio's door and spoke through the crack of the door "Vitya and i are going to the rink you two coming?" Yuri asked, you both agreed. victor drove the car to the rink the time was around 10pm they liked going on nightly skating to clear their mind. after you both arrived you set your bag down and took your skates out and tied them victor helped you out since he knew you well. you felt yourself slip a little at this gesture. yurio excitedly takes your hand and glides around on the ice rink, practicing tricks when all of a sudden you slip completely into little space and fall down from losing balance. yurio laughed a bit since normally when ones fall when they are skilled or not its funny as long as they are not hurt but instantly regretted it when he saw you crying. yuri and victor skated up to you "hey what happened?" victor asked calmly not to startle anyone. you babbled that couldnt be told what you were saying but yuri spoke up "hey there are you regressed buddy?" he leaned down to your level. you nodded and he took your hand "it's okay now did you lose balance or you cant skate when small?" you nodded again. yurio helped you onto a nearby bench as yuri went to talk to Victor and let him know what happened. yurio felt a little ill so he wanted to sit in the car and rest leaving you with victor and yuri to car for you. yuri approached you and asked "hey buddy you want vitya and i to hold your hands and show you how to?" you nodded excitedly. they both helped you ice skate while holding your hands. victor praised and encouraged you as you skated without their hands. after a while they all went home and they were very proud of you regressed or not.

hope this was good ^^ i tried

[ucannotkillmeinawaythatmatters]

who’s your fav yuri on ice character???

oh gosh, it's toooo hard to choose just one!! hope you don't mind me cheating, but here's a quick rundown of my top favorite characters (in no particular order):

k yuuri: now it's actually not very often when the main character of the anime is actually my favorite, but yuuri is just so great!! his anxiety and insecurities are so relatable, I just can't help but root for him. he works so goddamn hard to achieve his dreams, and he's so unbelievably kind and caring. I rly like how he can be selfless at some points and selfish at others. he's just so agfjsnaj. I adored being able to follow him as he worked and succeeded. like he's just so captivating, I literally can't not pay him attention. my heart would ache every time he struggled with his issues, and I couldn't help but cheer every time he had a success. I just love him a lot!!

Viktor: god there's just so much to him. he's too interesting. I'm not eloquent enough to give a good character analysis, but I have read plenty of them and loved every second of it. he chases after what he wants til he gets it. he always succeeds. he's super contradictory in that he's mad calculating, but he seems like an airhead. he's super intelligent, but he gets lots of ppl to think he's dumb and unthinking. he's also so so tragic bc he was depressed and stagnant for so long. I feel like it's also hard to get a good grasp on who he is bc of the way he molds himself to be whatever is needed. until yuuri showed him how to just be himself ofc. but yeah he's just rly interesting!!

Chris: I rly don't have much to go on with him bc of his side character status unfortunately. he's just a funky lil guy and I like him!! he's got that supportive friend energy and he seems like a major instigator to me, which is super fun. and I crack up every time he does a routine with "sex appeal" which just makes me like him more

yuri p: my like of yuris character has changed over the years interestingly enough?? when I first started watching YOI, we were around the same age. so I was pretty in awe of him, and looked up to how cool he was. despite his unfortunate love of cat prints (which I personally dislike). but yeah, he was majorly inspiring cuz here's somebody my age whos so angry and proud, pouring out blood sweat and tears into achieving his goals. as I got older, it got a lil different?? bc here's somebody so young sacrificing his soul to get everything he wanted to get. but he's baby. he's just a baby. must give him support, must give him protection. but yeah, I love him!!

otabek: again, not that much to go on with him. but there's just smth so endearing about him being notoriously private and quiet, looking at Yuri in all his loudness and anger and just. choosing to be friends with him. bro had the perfect set up to be angry and jealous over the difference in their careers, but instead he just wanted to be friends!! which Yuri definitely needed, so that gives him extra bonus points

thanks so much for your ask!! I hope you don't mind how this ended up being pretty long and rambly