#IT WASNT THIS SERIOUS BEFORE I JUST REALLY LIKED THE CHARACTER

[cloudbends]

I've been in a pretty bad headspace for the past week but it mostly made me realize that what was before just "oh I love this little catholic guilt ridden bird allegory with a beautiful design from the gacha game" became "I have never mentally resonated with a character more and this is getting scary" very quickly

[dullahandyke]

didnt even touch on the sandra lynn stuff int he tags of the last post bcos if i talk about her im liable to explode. get behind me, middle-aged divorced woman proficient in archery

[killjoy-prince]

I now know the context for the 'Doctor... you're huge' line

[mcsm-confessions]

i love shipping as much as the next person but i also really like to focus on just the characters and their dynamics outside of a shipping thing.

like for example, i LOVE olivia. i love her deeply. i even have an entire au centered around her and how she would react to losing someone she cared about. i want to explore her character more, and i think it's lovely that she's sarcastic and intelligent. i also wish she wasn't just completely reduced to being a "mom friend" or just to be shipped with axel.

i LOVE axel x olivia. i think they're very cute. but i would like it if they weren't completely boiled down to that.

speaking of axel: I LOVE AXEL!!!! he's protective and stubborn and selfish but nearing the end he sets aside his selfishness to nearly sacrifice himself to protect his friends. AND THAT'S AMAZING. but everyone just . demonizes him for being mean to lukas for a while [AND HE WAS MEAN RIGHTFULLY SO.] and. also. btw. axel is fat. axel is fat why does everyone just draw him skinny he's LITERALLY FAT IT IS, WHILE UNFORTUNATELY SAID VIA FAT JOKES, LITERALLY TOLD TO YOUR FACE that he is FAT. there is nothing WRONG with being fat. do you think. that making him skinny. will right the wrongs of those jokes. ALSO. BY THE WAY. I HAVE SEEEEEEENNNNN PEOPLE TRY TO REMOVE AXEL'S UNIBROW. YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. im so sorry im just. urgh. okay. whew.

on to lukas: he's not as soft as everyone thinks he is. that's it. he's sarcastic and witty and snappy and pissy. he's not your pathetic uwu soft boy that everyone wants to portray him ass. im sick of everyone reducing him down to that just for jesskas. im sick of it. i like jesskas. its GREAT. its cute! but it's all done wrong. its all done so so so wrong. he can abso-LUTELY be pathetic, yes! but that isnt his ENTIRE character.

before i finish this, i have ONE more character to talk about.

HARPER.

EVERYONE JUST. everyone just boils harper down to being ivor's wife. hey i love their dynamic and i think they're a very cute couple. but i would like a bit of more focus on harper's character herself and her dynamics with everyone else. she's snappy, she's sarcastic and quick-witted, she feels deep guilt and is desperately trying to convince herself that it wasnt her fault. she knows what's going on, and she feels so much fucking guilt. AND I WANT THAT EXPLORED. I WANT THAT EXPLORED AS MUCH AS IVOR'S GUILT IS EXPLORED. im gonna fucking lose it. i love harper and everyone just. uurrrghhhh.

this is what i see the most in the mcsm fandom and. honestly. i genuinely wish that people would look more into these characters rather than just boiling them down to Basic Traits.

~~~

[deathbringerdragon]

In a specifically goober mood today so time to info dump about my second monkey wrench oc that yall haven't heard about yet.

This is them. They don't have a name yet. Tbh idk if they're fully/truly osteon or not. But since there's so little info on osteon biology, I just call them an osteon.

The pictures are just a hosposh of all of the in work progress screenshots I've been posting in the oc fan servers I'm in. So some of these have sections that are out of date to the current version with the rest up to date

Now for some of the lore that ive posted in said servers.

so i've had the idea that my osteon oc was friends with JB before either of them became infected.

what their relationship was like exactly im not sure. since we know literally NOTHING about jb was like or what he did or Anything before infection, other than what he looks like.

alls i know is that they were at least close.

and- like-

pretty much my oc has been there since Day One for JB since becoming infected and a pirate.

JB went off and became an infected pirate first. Then came back as asked my oc if they were willing to take the chance and go with him.

Cuz right before JB had left, my oc had told him that they dont care what he does, they'll chase him down and find him no matter what so they can play video games together. And then while JB was gone, some incident happened with him that made him question if what his friend from before said was actually true. Maybe some cruel pirate or the like broke JB down emotionally and more or less said "Someone like you is going to die alone, abandoned by everyone you thought were your friends, and betrayed by those closest to you" because he was infected.

So thats why JB went back to find my oc cuz, he just needed the confirmation that what the other pirate said Wasnt true (cuz remember, this is like, Right after jb became a pirate. so he's still somewhat in the "normal dude" mentality)

Wanted to more or less test his closest friend to see if they would be scared of him or not cuz of his infection/how he looks.

And so anyways he pretty much corners my oc and is like "*You said you'd chase me down wherever i go. So, now that ya see what im like now. Are you still willin' t' keep that promise?"*

And after a long beat of silence, my oc just goes "You should know what the answer is. I dont care what you become. A monster, a killer. I'll just become the same thing so we can still be together"

and HHFHGHDNNFDGH they're just friends i swear-

ANYWAYS SO-

after that whole situation (cuz like, the actual scenes in my head were, intense. like. Serious character moments)

my oc joins JB and becomes a part of his crew, and pretty much right-hand man.

the OTHER idea i had, and the original idea. Was that my Oc was actually originally a rival plague walking pirate, who after several encounters with JB and his crew, and having the whole "Are they/arent they flirting" type of rivalry with him, they decide to join his crew, and become close but volatile friends. like. both of them are like "I never gotta question if they have my back in a battle. But i dont trust a single fucking piece of food they give me cuz idk what they might've put in it" kind of friends. and its hilarious.

For a long time i was really unsure which idea i wannted to go with cuz like. on one hand, i absolutely love the back and forth these two dumbass assholes would have if they became friends after being rivals forever.

but at the same time i also really like the undying loyalty/closeness of the idea of the two having been friends since the Start.

in the end, I decided to go with them being friends from the beginning. But since my original idea was for them to meet after, they still have bits of that original idea mixed in to their relationship.

BUT EITHER WAY-

no matter what.

Yall see how broke open their skull is in the sketches i've been posting?

Yea.

their skull wasnt broke open like that in the beginning

[punkrockgenasiashton]

I was thinking about Critical Role last night, I have been thinking about it a lot recently as I have been finally working my way through the Aeor arc of Campaign 2, and specifically about Campaign 3.

I fell off of Campaign 3 a couple times and dove back in trying to catch up before finally just saying Maybe Another Time/Maybe After Its Over around the time of them finding the Fire Titan Shard, because tbh, I got bored of the constant circular debate about defending/killing the gods, but I still think aobut it a lot because I liked the narrative Matt had built, love Exandria, and even liked Bells Hells as characters.

The reason I dont think it really clicked for me, and seemingly others, is I dont think Bells Hells is the right party for this story, and that it wouldve worked better with either all different characters, or as a shorter Epic Tier arc for Vox Machina or The Mighty Nein. Because, like, Bells Hells, at the start of their campaign is probably the party least connected to the Gods, either in a positive or negative light, especially compared to late game Vox Machina or Basically Any Point Mighty Nein.

Vox Machina had:

Grog: No connection to the Gods at the beginning of the campaign, finds some religious awakening with the Stormlord.

Keyleth: Strongly anti-organized religion at the beginning of the campaign, comes to resent the Matron of Ravens because of everything that happened with Vax.

Percy: Has a strong distaste for magic in any form, either of the arcane OR Divine persuasion, sees it as a shortcut that cheapens human ingenuity, despite that ruler of a city watched over by the Dawn Father with a respect for the Dawnfather.

Pike: Devotee of the Everlight, occasionally struggles with her devotion but one of the Everlights most ardent followers.

Scanlan: No strong connection to the Gods for most of the campaign, is smiled on by The Knowing Mistress during the Vecna arc.

Vax: His struggles with his sense of purpose push him towards religion early in the campaign and his love for his sister thrusts him into the service of the Matron of Ravens, eventually becoming her Paladin and Champion.

Vex: Defends the Dawnfathers city, but like Keyleth has a strong resentment towards the Matron for in their eyes Taking Vax.

The Mighty Nien had:

Caducius: Ardent follower of the Wildmother, helps guide Fjord towards enlightement in the Wildmothers eyes.

Caleb: After he broke mentally was broughtback to clarity by a follower of the Arch Heart.

Beau: Monk of the Cobalt Soul, and therefore a follower of The Knowing Mistress, while not overtly religious she has no problem presenting herself as a follower of the Mistress.

Fjord: Warlock of a creation of the Betrayer God Zehir who eventually finds redemption in the light of The Wildmother.

Jester: Cleric devouted to a Demi-God/Arch Fey who has a Less Than Great reputation with the Pantheon.

Nott/Veth: afaik basically no connection to the gods.

Yasha: Follower and adherent of The Stormlord, who lifted her from the brink of death and despair but challenges her in extreme and difficult ways.

I dont know, I just feel like either of those groups of characters would have had a more tangible connection to a plot related to killing the gods than a group consisting of two people who felt their prayers went unanswered, two people with no real care or connection to the gods, a cleric looking for a god, and a guy who is kinda connected to the Wildmother.

And, again, I dont think Bells Hells are a BAD adventuring party, I just think their adventuring and story shouldve maybe touched on the source of Imogens powers, but also spent serious time exploring the rest of the new characters backstories, and found another Main Plot that wasnt this.

[fuselsstuff]

Why i am so excited to have the Bucktommy storyline

Buck, the wild child, the hot head, overthinker, the talker, always a little much, but thats him, and he is so so loved.

He is the little brother of his found family, and in their heads he will allways be just that, so he gets all these backhanded compliments, like

" he doesnt know your an Idiot yet, but he will love you anyway like we all do"

He is such a competent person/firefighters but sometimes he doesnt get taken serious because his ideas doesnt seem thought trough, and it looks like He is just doing stuff without thinking, but thats his neurodivergent brain, people with Adhd sometimes dont have the words for their Plans and Action, they just know it (its like that With my Brain, i dont say everybody is like this)

And then we have his past realtionships,

Abby, she really really liked him, but she had her own demons to deal with, she couldnt be what Buck needed.

Allie, she knew what she gets herself into, so she broke it off before she could really fall for him and i think thats very honorable.

Taylor got Buck, she knew exactly who he is, and she was there for him, but maybe they were to similar, i dont think it would have worked out in the long term.

Natalia, well, cant say much about her.

Our boy just wants to come home to somebody that gets him, not just says that, but really really gets him, shows up for him, takes him seriously and is his person.

And yes we could debate that he has Eddie, these two have a wonderfull friendship, and i admire that. Its deep, its vunerable, they are there for each other, both need eachother, and they trust eachother, its beautiful.

But for now, its exactly that, its a beautiful friendship.

(side note... The will? That doesnt make Buck a coparent, it makes him Chris' godfather basically)

And now to his current realtionship, Tommy. I think its perfect, and the first thing i want to point out, the comunication. Buck is a talker, but no comunicator, if people dont tell him exactly what they think, he is gonna asume what they think, and well, when was that ever a good thing right? There are a lot of examples where Bucks missing comunication turned into Problems.

Tommy does comunicate, i mean... He drive to his loft before his shift, to clear the air. After He kisses him, he doesnt run away, he asks him if that was okay and then asks him out on a date. Do we have to talk about the date? He was smooth, polite and open, he didnt run away before he cleared it up to him "your adorable but i dont think your ready" comunication my friends! The Coffee meet up? " you allready know i am interested" I mean how much clearer can it get? And also that he told him that the Coffee wasnt what he would order, its a small thing but i think its just as honest and important.

And he Shows up for him, Bachelorparty and wedding! He is there because of him. The scene where Buck looks on his phone before Tommy arrives? I could feel those butterflys, *somebody is here because of me* such an amazing feeling.

I could go on and on on how amazing the character choice of Tommy is but then this would get far too long, i am Sure there are a lot of posts that point out why its so cool to have an "old" Character back.

To get back to the start, Buck is loved, he is a Idiot but with a heart of gold, truly a golden Retriever.

But its the difference between *Buck, your such an Idiot, i love you anyway* to *i love you because you are an Idiot, Evan* that makes it for me.

Thanks for reading until here, i needed to get that out, feel free to add points!

And dont get me wrong, if Buddie is gonna Happen some day, i am 100% here for it because i trust the writers.

But for now i enjoy this mature and hopefully domestic realtionship for buck storyline waaay to much <3

[hwa-ae]

can you write shinyu as reader's tutor pls? ty

Tutor —

: ̗̀⇢pairings: shinyu x gn! reader

: ̗̀⇢synopsis: IN WHICH shinyu helps you with math, but you get a little curious about why he agreed to tutor you and not anyone else

: ̗̀⇢genre: fluff, sfw

: ̗̀⇢warnings: confession out of nowhere (for my socially awkward readers who might get second hand embarrassment)

"shinyu, i really really dont understand how to do this question. can you please please explain it again?" you whined, pushing the math paper towards his direction as he looked at you dead in the eye.

"[name] you know you cant bring me to the exam with you, right? think carefully! I've explained this question to you beforehand!" shinyu sighed, pushing the paper back to you, pointing at the question as if it would spark up the steps and answer to the question.

"but i really dont remember! shinyu, please explain it to me again... please?" you pleaded, holding your hands up together as you begged for him to do his job as a tutor and help you.

shinyu stared at you for a few moments before sighing and reaching for his pen which has rolled away while he wasnt looking, giving in to your begging whines and pleading pouts.

"im only going to explain this question one last time, okay? i wont be explaining this to you again." he said sternly before explaining the question, to which you just smiled and nodded along, knowing that he would give in to you and explain it to you again if you just begged a few times with a cute pout.

"ohh... i think i understand now..." you mumbled, nodding your head softly as shinyu hands you back your paper.

"good, now solve this question yourself," shinyu praised, pointing to a smiliar question before watching you solve it with serious eyes.

"hm... shinyu?" you mumbled, solving your question halfway before interrupting the comfortable silence.

"yes?"

"why did you agree to tutor me but not anyone else? i heard you rejected all of them." you asked mindlessly, still writing down equations, not noticing the fumbling mess you made him as he tried to think of an excuse to your question.

"uh... uhm... well..." he stutters out, acting oddly out of character, making you look up at him with concerned eyes. "its because they're not you..."

"what?" you froze.

"sorry, forget what i said!" shinyu immediately tried to move on, rearranging the already well arranged papers to try and forget about what just happened.

"shinyu, correct me if im wrong but, do you like me?" you asked teasingly, finding the ever so composed class president's clumsy state adorable.

he nodded slowly, turning his head away and covering the lower half of his face with his hand, allowing you to see the red tips of his ears.

"i like you too."

this time, it was shinyu who froze.

"are you being serious? you're not messing with me right?" he turned his head back to look at you so fast you were worried he would break his neck.

you giggled softly, nodding along as his face lit up immediately.

"can i bring you on a date?" he asked with wide puppy-like eyes and a bright grin, anticipating your reply.

"right now?"

"yes, right now!"

"haha! of course!"

© 2024, hwa-ae ♥︎

do not steal, plagiarise or translate my work on any platforms!

[peaterookie]

Found this cool drawing i made, possibly a concept of demon lupin before i made his actual design.

orrr it could just be a cool outfit i wanted to draw on him. either way it made me want to also share my other concepts of dem lup and ang goe and explain my design

i knew the first one wasnt gonna be final obvs because i was kinda thinking on dem lup's initial role. when i landed on him being kinda the prince of the underworld and deciding he aint for that i wanted to show through his outfit that he's carefree and chill but also has a rich kid vibe lol

seeing the lupin's canon design already sorta shows it I didn't really change much of it in the end. the punkish? outfit above was just too extra for him imo

before i wanna show the design i landed on I also wanna mention this drawing since this was the drawing that started the au in the first place. i casually drew this in class along with angel goemon, and lupin was the only one that ended up getting redrawn on digital.

ok there we go

this was very rough and rushed since I didn't really think this au was really gonna be serious and stuff (still isn't but im sorta invested in developing it in my head now)

one thing youll notice is that lupin's horns are red for most of these drawings and also much longer. while this is fine i decided to change it to stubby white horns later on for a more symbolic reason.

Lupin's personality is this au is leaning more on cagli lupin with some roughness to it. he's deep down a kindhearted character. bros totally fucking chill he's really not evil at all. but given how he's raised in a pretty fucked up and evil place he still behaves a bit like a rat

to show that behind that scary and evil exterior, his horns are white to show his purity and kindness. they're also stubby to show his lack of aggression

demon's horns in this au also show their inherent mental and physical health in a way. if they're long and sharp they are healthy, if it's the opposite they're probably not doing so well. I'll let you guys figure out what this could mean for lupin.

let's move onnn tooo goemonn

the main reason why that first reference above was not kept was because of how bad the outfit for goemon was, i was honestly embarrassed at myself even then for not figuring out something better and i really struggled to make the colors work LMAO

eventually as i developed his personality and beliefs, the more this got easier for me and i finally arrived at the design you see now.

i think you can tell at this point that i really really love using colors to convey symbolism throughout my designs.

for this au it is primarily white and black. white represents what you typically think of the angel, a purehearted being. and black is the impure and demonic color, it represents the ugly side of things. even then black does not represent evil or should be interpretted as a sign that the character is bad.

this is especially with goemon. the outfit you see above is the one he adorns after he has accepted his demon half.

before this his outfit would have been completely white, to show the repression of the trait that he felt hatred and disgust towards because he has been taught that it was dirty and ugly. lupin would end up helping him realize that it is not the case and he should accept the way he is.

but yeah anyways this design is way better lmao. also note that i also changed his wings to be half-bird half-bat, so this means he would not be able to fly during the beginning because he wants to conceal his demon side. it is not only ruining him mentally but also physically.

anyways, since ive explained lupin's personality i should also explain what I've changed for goemon too. i think it's best to say that its a combination of anime and manga goe, since he is a bit more serious, stubborn, and misguided, but still has the gentle and graceful mannerisms of manga goe. he's also a bit sassier too, he counters and compliments lupin's carefreeness

anyways this is like totally not organized at all lol, I just wanted to ramble on about these designs since I've put a lotta thought into it and wanted to share it given the nice feedback i got on the reference post. (if you haven't seen it, check it out!)

since my job is done now, I'll see you guys later. bye!

[lorax-devito]

castle Byers

Okay so a theory for ST season5 is that there will be time travel,as I’m sure we all know

it’s not my fav theory but it has a lot of potential

so I think what if they go back to Byers house in S5,Will hasn’t seen his house since they moved to Cali and there’s someone new living there (we wouldn’t get to meet them bc no new characters or Eddies Uncle moves in there bc he doesn’t want to live in the trailer anymore bc of hate crimes against Eddie and finding Chrissys body was really traumatic for him and he keeps seeing her lifeless,broken body whenever he steps inside,with Eddies voice echoing “IT WASNT ME,I SWEAR”)anyway the house is messy,falling apart and there’s not much furniture inside (El would open the door or smth also the messy part adds to wayne living there bc he’s so torn apart about Eddies death he kinda just gives up also he wouldn’t have enough money to finish the place) basically fast forward to them finding a gate in the house,getting stuck in the UD (this gives Will serious PTSD from season 1 but ‼️WARNING BYLER CONTENT‼️ mike comforts him and it’s sweet-we all know Will deserves at least a little sunshine in the cluster-fuck,world ending thunder storm he’s living in) while in the UD Mike and Will go and rebuild Castle Byers/go and see it,Mike finds a picture of him and Will there,he knows exactly what picture it is,he has the same on on his desk in a similar frame to the one on his bedside table of him and Will on the night of the snowball,only this picture was taken wayyyy before they met El,the picture was exactly like the original just it was distorted,except for 2 faces,his and Wills were normal,their beaming smiles and pinkish-red cheeks showed up perfectly on the page ,as well as their arms which were slung around each others shoulders,Will had to go on his tiptoes of course because of how much taller Mike was than him then,Will is still shorter than Mike but only a tad and he’s less,scrawny and more *mike glances at will lifting smth heavy and feels his cheeks heat up* muscular now.Mike put the picture in his pocket as he looks around more,he can see the torn up pillows and scratch marks on the fallen branches

“the demogorgan?” Mike asked sheepishly

“yeah”Will said rubbing his bare forearm nervously

“Sorry If I’m acting weird I’m just a little,on edge”Will said with a slight chuckle

“yeah me too”Mike said still rummaging though the cluttered branches

umm this turned into an AO3 story 💀

Anyway,my point is Wayne would be in the UD and finally know what actually happens to Will whilst also being really confused about why his house looks like that also just So.Much.Byler.Potential

also the bit about the picture and the faces was meant to mean that while Will was is the UD in S1 he used it to cope,and the thing that mattered most to him was Mike (obviously he cares about Dustin and Lucas but yk what I mean) and so the picture slowly while Will was there started to de-UD or smth idk 💀

Thanks for reading if you got this far i might add to this later bc I like to yap about Byler 😭

[rottenpumpkin13]

I think the biggest factor re: Seph being the only one who broke down so spectacularly is that he actually had the power to back it up.

Everything about how he was raised, what was done to him, and the perfect storm of Nibelheim just lined up perfectly with the fact that he actually had the power to back up his breakdown.

Like no one else is as strong as Sephiroth. Other characters whos only major kneejerk problem solving skill (violence) simply do not have his firepower. He has the magic, he has the physical power, he has the skill.

The games have power creep and all so its hard to see this, but Sephiroth in the lore was just totally unmatched except for Cloud in terms of what a single person could do. Zack is crazy strong, and Sephiroth had to have been sleep deprived and not eating for a week and mentally compromised for Zack and Cloud to just barely win and nearly die in the process.

Sephiroth has the biggest rampage because he has the tools to do it in a way that any of the other people on a violent mental breakdown bender simply do not.

I dont think, strictly speaking, the reason why he broke down like that specifically was simply because he was always destined to do so - I dont think he was destined to always go evil- but it was 100% only a matter of time before he simply couldnt take the strain of everything and had a serious mental breakdown of some kind. Eventually the untreated trauma just piles up so much you cant function anymore.

He didnt have to have chosen violence as his method of mental breakdown, but with the situation as it was, that is what he landed on. He could have just as easily chosen to take his own life or made a beeline for the brass and killed them all instead given other circumstances.

Without Jenova whispering in his ear, he probably would have chosen one of those, I think. In even fairly well adjusted people irl, discovering what unnecessary violating medical atrocities were done to you as a child secondhand off your medical records is often incredibly harrowing.

Theres just so many layers to why Sephiroth snapped and why Sephiroth behaved like that beforehand.

When characterizing him, I feel like people really undersell and underestimate what chronic trauma starting from childhood does to your sense of self, decisionmaking skills, emotional regulation, and ability to cope with shock.

Like without the way he was raised, he would simply not be the same person. Chronic childhood trauma becomes your sense of self when you experience it because your sense of self was forming when you were put through all of that. Its baked into your bones and how your brain is wired.

A Sephiroth who was raised in a loving family that wasnt medically violated or stuck in a lab or trained as a child soldier and set loose in war and put up as a carefully cultivated symbol would simply be unrecognizable. He would not act the same, he would not have the same preferences, he would not have the same insecurities or instability. He wouldnt be recognizably Sephiroth- not just because no cat eyes and white hair.

Because to be Sephiroth, he has to be incredibly traumatized by default.

Im not saying that his trauma of all the characters was the Most Awful and therefore he blew up the worst or w/e, but more that this multilayered complex trauma left Sephiroth unable to healthily cope with all the events piled on him during the events of Crisis Core.

I think the factor of how childhood trauma and continued abuse completely shapes how you respond to things as an adult is often lost in the discourse when people try to detangle Sephiroth's actions, so thank you for pointing that out.

Another thing, when talking about how Sephiroth's power is unmatched, is the Jenova cells in him (and how he later became one with Jenova) The only thing that took down Jenova was the Cetra because it/she was that powerful. So while he wasn't destined to break down, you have to admit that something was waiting to happen given what Jenova was.

[3grey-morals5]

hcs-scp/035x049😎😎😎(hc3)

I decided to set aside my other headcanon list last minute (it being alagadda) just due to it not feeling right or interesting. In it's place I will be writing up this. Sorry to anyone who followed me for art or sarkicism, I promise that will be back shortly I'm just in a writing funk.

DO NOTE. this is a ship/pairing hc post! If you do not like it, do kindly leave. Something else to know is that this will include both healthy and more unhealthy relationship segments. If that is something that upsets you, don't feel bad to stop reading. This is only because I feel that in the modern scp setting they do not have the most healthy relationship and wish to comment on it, not that I condone any toxic behavior.

And aswell,

THESE ARE ALL JUST MY IDEAS FOR IT. NO IT MAY NOT BE TRUE TO THE CANON.

Anyways, starting off with past. This is more detailed info on the start of their relationship in Alagadda, as I have already covered some in my last hc post.

good/healthy

-Alagadda

Starting off in the past with Alagadda, something i went over some in my last post. This was before 049 was fucking over obsessed with his cure and before 035 had multiple hosts and was just one (very sad, but decent) consciousness. Due to these circumstances, they were far more stable overall both in their own lives and in their relationship.

Serious relationships were fairly rare in the city, mainly because most citizens were more into silly flings at pound town establishments than an actual commitment. Ofc, where doc came from that wasnt very well known and most relationships were just arranged marriages. Bl was like the middle ground of deciding who you want to be with for the rest of your life, not just one night.

Who'd he choose to try and court?? DING DING DING. Some gothic bird doctor guy!! Ah the thrill of breaking the rules set by bitchass ambassador~ why can't you even date foreigners anyway? These "lord guidelines" can suck it.

In media first loves are usually depicted as messy and uncaring, but I like to think of these two as the opposite. Well minus messy, it probobly was just because they didn't really know what they were doing. Like number 1 how do you even ask someone out. He has a bird mask...maybe he'll like this little cool rock I found! Yes that should get the point across.

Jolic try not to depict the BL (black lord not boy love) as a silly lovesick teen HARD EDITION like look at him. who read all the libraries' tragedies and comedies of romance? That gotta be bl. Rest in peace Anguish...you would have adored ao3 cringe...(this is a joke. Please trust I take serious characters seriously and haven't drawn him over that one purple haired emo guy picture once)

share hobbies such as ...idfk..dissection. except bl dissects literature and doc will dissect anything that's died or maybe is still alive. What are those scars on Anguish's tentacles you may ask? Oh yeah doc just needed to do a few snips to take notes of how the sludge anatomy is (a blatant lie. He was bored and his partner let's him do practically anything. Daww look he trust..so cute)

They may not fully understand eachothers hobbies, but they will still pay attention to info dumping (haha just like me abt scp I yap ALL DAY) from the other and try and to ask relevant questions. No doc may not care too much for rip van winkles 69 chapter long poetry book, but he will forever listen to bl belt his heart out about how it touched him so deeply just to see them excited and happy. And bl may be slightly disgusted by the icky wet specimens in docs bag but as soon as the birdie needs help with them or begins his rants about new graphic medical practices he read abt u bet bl is lending 4 hands or is LOCKED IN listening.

Even when their lives were on the line when the secret got out, Anguish didn't break things off to save himself and doc didn't flee to avoid certain death. They stuck together and that got them out alive and well..back to the dimensional back alley that is earth.smh.

-Earth time before the start of deterioration 😔

By now doc was far more anxious with his hallucinations back, but 035 was still with him every step of the way. Being worn by his partner, they had a symbiotic relationship and still 035 was just one pure consciousness snug with 049's. It sure took some adjusting to not having a body, and foe doc having your bf just IN YOUR MF MIND ALL THE TIME but it was a relatively calm experience.

Sorta not ship related but lemme tell yall...fat theory coming up. Yknow how. 049 make the bodies move but they have no mental really..who does cognitive stuff? 035. IM TELLING YOU THEY WORKED TOGETHER TO FULLY REVIVE PEOPLE WITH THEIR BRAIN AND ALL LIKE ARE U GETTING THIS. that's why 049 can't do it on his own bc 035 ISNT THEREEE. Anyways 🥰

Oh BTW they're actually married haha. They scared some fuckass priest into doing the ceremony in the middle of forest lavender clearing. Was the first time 035 had a host, a nice looking kindhearted fellow he found in a nearby town.(we don't talk about how terrified the bl consciousness was the first time he got a new consciousness. But they hit it off and are still besties in the hive mind. His name is Winfred.)

Not my hc, BUT I once saw someone say that they were married with flower crowns instead of rings and and OH MY GOD that has stuck with me ever since like Jesus christ you're SO RIGHT. Dyo's was oleander and Doc's was lavender ofc.

At this time 049 could still remove his mask, and he had it off for the kiss kiss and learned from the village how to braid his hair. Doc's robes were back to being plain and normal after coming back from Alagadda, but he tried his very best to fix them up nice with bits of lace and flowers. 035 just found the best clothes he could around the houses he.. Ahem..totally didn't sneak into..

Yes 035 was absolutely bawling during the ceremony.

035 traveled along with 049, either with the rare very hardy and longlasting host, on him, or in his bag. With very little hosts, the bl was able to keep them mainly in check and in control. Something that would become basically impossible in the upcoming centuries.

When he had hosts, Dyo would venture out and find little trinkets to give his bird husband. There were always very thoughtful and doc ADORED them. He still keeps them in his bag (well at least the ones he hasn't found in the depths of the bag yet, he didn't remember them in modern times and would just toss them :( )

Examples include: pressed flowers, coins, poems on scrap papers, colorful feathers, jewelry, LAVENDERRRR, a fucking truckload of handkerchiefs of various designs, quilt squares he'd snatched, old broken ceramic or porcelain peices, one singular tiny statue of a horse, a pipe or two, pretty rocks, sketches he'd done, ect.

-Start of deterioration (starts delving into a more unhealthy relationship. Stop now if you don't wish to read!)

049's mask was now firm on his face, and the lack of mental link connection only further pulled him away from his partner, aswell as the worsening of hallucinations, put strain on their marriage. He was withdrawn, no longer had time for "silly things" such as being a present partner. The addiction to his work only further feuled this tear in the relationship.

035 still did his best, struggling through the now horde of hosts to try and be the best husband possible despite his mistreatment. He'd push for breaks, clean him up after surgery, hold him close in night terrors, fix teas and dinners to try and get 049 to eat and drink.

But it was never enough.

At some point, you just can't hold on. Trying to manage 10 consciousness was enough but with the constant stress of his situation(causing more humor leakage->quicker host expiration) he needed more and more hosts to keep a body, thus, gaining more conciousnesses. They began to overpower him, causing more erratic behavior that did nothing to help the already tense situation.

This hurt them deeply, knowing he could do nothing to help them. Or himself. There was no right option. Try to save his partner? Try to save himself? Keep some control? It festered inside of him, more and more black bile bleeding from him.

docs issues didn't let up, soon viewing one he once held dearest just another block in the way of his quest of life. He had to get rid of this...pest.

Why keep him around...how was he ever of use to me. They must go. I have better things to do.

After centuries of being together, he snapped. The mask viewed their little trip as a step in the right direction...he should have known something was up. Led into a crypt, his glee was cut short at the clanks of the gate. The click of a lock. By the time he made it back to the crypt door he was already walking away, eyes glazed over ignoring the pleas from his husband.

Wait.. what are you doing..doc? Doc where are going? What's going on? DOC?! ARE YOU LISTENING? GET BACK HERE! PLEASE?! (wailing and pleading)

Dont leave me...!! please...(thud)

(Dramatic much 🙄)

-modern day. (This is toxic. 5hwy are both terrible and I hate them. For this reason I have an alternate scenario where they remember eachother and it's sweet)

In containment, they both have issues with vices. 049's being curing..ofc. while 035's is getting free (hosts as a whole) and finding his husband(bl consciousness alone.)

Do note, mentioned in earlier hc posts, the hivemind as a whole recognizes 049, but they don't know how he is important. This is due to bl explaining him, then those who heard explaining, and those who heard second explaining. So if you've ever played telephone, that's how it is. Something gets repeated so many times a bit different, so the differences at up. This as a whole creates a recognization, but unsureness how. This then morphs onto an unhealthy obsession.

Meanwhile, 049's perception is so warped due to hallucinations and his obsession with curing, that he dosent even recognize him anymore. Merely their meets are a possible useful interaction with info pertaining to the cure, and as soon as 035 isn't of use...dropped. then he is forgotten once again. The cycle restarts when they meet.

035 is the opposite, absolutely head over heels for this guy he dosent even really know. It grips at him, an itch that can ONLY be scratched by being in contact with him. An unhealthy obsession that can't be quenched no matter what. Like he NEEDS him to survive, pitching a fit every time he dosent get his way and trying to force himself upon them to get attention. Even if it hurts 049.

Want a snippet of sweetness in these trying times? Thought so. When exposed to lavender, 049 is calmer and in a sort of woozy carefree state. A daze where his only hallucinations are of happier days...curled up with a loved one in flowing lavender feilds...sun shining warm above them, clouds dappling the pale blue sky. Life is calm, life is good. But right when he turns to gaze at whomever he's laid with.

Snap.

He's back in a cell. Cold and damp. Or led by guards, feet thinking aimlessly on the metal floors. And that haze clouds his eyes yet again.

.

.

. ☀️ ☁️ ☁️ ☁️

. ☁️ 🕊 ☁️ ☁️☁️ ☁️

. '°•~-\_🌿_🌿🌿_💜🖤_🌿🌿_🌿_/-~•°'

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Maybe in another life. :3

Hope yall enjoyed it! I sure did (the good ones at least) this took longer than expected, but I think it was worth it. I plan on making a short story of the future, I won't spoil too much, but I've thought it over a while and I think I'm happy with the idea. Why wait for another life when the afterlife is right there?

Thanks for reading! Love yall<3/p

[perfectlyfinespacebacon]

everything now netflix

some spoilers!! and apologies for the long post.

i honestly really enjoyed it! it was almost like a skins/euphoria but imbued with like a heartstopper/sex education vibe in the sense that it dealt with serious teenage issues/mental health but light enough that it doesn't weigh down on you. my character thoughts:

mia was so infuriating almost at all times. obviously under the circumstances, it makes sense but there's this level of likeability that was missing for me. maybe it was the writing or the acting who knows but in my mind it's like this: im making an albeit an unfair comparison to effy from skins or even rue from euphoria, but they were battling their demons and making all the wrong choices but there was still this level of “i want to root for them” that's missing with mia personally.

in a similar vein with alison, she is meant to be this popular rich mean girl archetype who surprises you but obviously in the first half of the season she's supposed to be kind of unlikeable but i found her very endearing. as for the relationship, alison and mia DO NOT belong together. like at all. i am not rooting for them. alison in a way forced a relationship with mia and then also mia was like too scared to say anything about it. its clear that alison liked mia waaaaay more than mia liked alison. like carli says in the last ep as well, “to learn to not be a fantasy to each other”, alison needs to take mia off this pedastal she has for her. i'm very interested to learn more about her character outside of mia though if they hopefully continue the show. i have a feeling that we are supposed to think that she and cameron hooked up at the end or something but i'm rlly hoping its a red herring.

carli is also a character i would love to learn more about. she definitely has more chemistry with mia and i love her for standing her ground against mia, as she needs to help herself before she can be in a healthy relationship. but i will say it was pretty shitty stringing cameron along.

speaking of cameron, i didn't quite expect to like his character as much as i did. in a way his arc in the season is battling toxic masculinity as he kinda seems to come off as this laid back, bro kinda guy but he cares and loves so deeply. it wasn't right calling bec a "sket". i'm not british but obviously its like equivalent to slut, and im very glad he owned up to it. i'm also really interested to know more about his family and stuff.

i love bec as well. she deserves all the happiness in the world. im glad she was able to air out her things with mia, albeit in a very treacherous way and i also love how her mom was supportive of the abortion. i'm honestly kinda tired seeing the mom kicking out the daughter for getting pregnant trope so it was nice to see a mom just being supportive. bec is just such a wonderful friend and mia honestly has a lot to make up for. re not telling mia about her and cam, it was honestly frustrating seeing mia be so petty. i understand that its a big secret and she felt like everyone was hiding things from her but its also right to have secrets amongst friends, idk that really stuck out to me.

will for me had the weakest arc as in it wasn't the most interesting to me. don't get me wrong, i love the character but it just wasnt giving a whole lot to me. i recognize him as more than the comic relief but also at the same time he was stirring the pot in a lot of the arguments / blowups the group had, consciously and unconsciously. though i will say will x theo <3 but comedic duo of the century is will x alison. the little song they did for mia's birthday is stuck in my head.

tldr; great characters and great show. it's really hard to find a show about teens as a 25yo living in a 16yo body that i enjoy and don't find annoying. i just love how each character was able to be so nuanced despite being an ensemble cast.

but knowing netflix's track record it's gonna get cancelled because a) it's good b) has wlw content... but i really hope not.

[bonefall]

I’m not sure if you talked about it, but what do you think about A Thief in Thunderclan? I actually liked it, though it definitely had a few ehhh moments

Eh, honestly? Im kinda disappointed that James Barry had to go out on such a low note. I did not like it, it felt like a waste of time.

It wasn't like... offensively bad but I have very little good to say about it. It was fine. If you want to see more ThunderClan you can check it out?

(A lot of Thief in ThunderClan critique below the cut, I didn't like it much)

First of all, the mystery was just bad. I'm sorry. An owl? Swooping in at night for dead animals and leaving perfect scores in the dirt? It felt like a real "running out of ideas" type plot.

Brightheart was NOT fun to follow. She was uncomfortable for most of the story and secondhand embarassment is an emotion I really don't enjoy. Even moments that were supposed to be thought-provoking (like the Brambleclaw name confrontation) just felt like cringe because they were written so poorly.

Like, seriously? "Firestar why did you name Bramble after his father who disfigured me?" "Oh its because i uhhhh wanted to remind ppl of it so they would stop being reminded of it eventually" WHAT? That was a brainless enough choice when it was FIRST made, you can't fucking tell me any cat with a brain cell would go "wao... really makes you think... hngsociety"

I disliked the fact they decided to give Brightheart serious suspicion towards people like Longtail and Brambleclaw, I strongly disagree she would be like that. She feels so much to me like someone who would feel awful for doubting people she logically knows are innocent, and express to Cloudtail that it makes her feel like a bad person, but she CANT help it. She is such a kind, loving, and self doubting sort of cat... or, was, I guess? Or maybe it was never there at all and I'm the fool.

On that note? Her character arc was a mess. As much as I hate Shadow in RiverClan, I can say that Feathertail's arc was a competent *story*. Brightheart is having nightmares, suspects Bramble and Long of treason, is trying to figure out this mystery, trying to help train Rainpaw, the fact she resents not being his mentor is mentioned and dropped, she is pregnant... so much shit is going on and it feels absolutely unfocused.

And even worse, because it's overlapping with the beginning of Firestar's Quest, we end up having to Show Off The Continuity instead of telling a cohesive story. Oop Willowpelt died and Rainpaw is kind of sad about it! But wait we have to say bye to Firestar, make sure to squeeze in the Brambleclaw name confrontation before he goes! GO BACK Longtail has been blinded!! ALSO THE OWL! HERES WHY THE OWL WASNT MENTIONED IN FQ!!

And DUDE if there's anything that's a SERIOUS problem, it's Brightheart's stupid ass cutesy "look who's being USEFUL in here!" When blinded Longtail is helping out in the medcat den

First of all fuck you for the wording of that line! Second of all, GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD that disabled people shouldn't have to find a way to be "useful" to belong to their society.

The fact we're getting a book from Bright's perspective as a disabled person and the whole thing is chock full of "useful" language as she struggles with PTSD makes the fact this is COMMON in WC sting so much more.

Anyway back to just, normal critique and not frustration with ableism in wc.

I feel like they really wasted Brightheart's family. I enjoyed finally getting Cinder and Bright hanging out as sisters, but we got a MENTION of Frostfur, and barely anything with her brothers. It's already a mess so why not go the whole way?

Ashfur also has his post-TBC personality retcon which absolutely kills me. Why do we need this shitty "foreshadowing"? Why do we need him to have been so obviously controlling and argumentative? Why are these writers fucking allergic to having a villain that people thought was nice and normal once?

NITPICK: if i have to see another cat gently picked up by a large bird of prey without at LEAST getting a cracked rib I will shapeshift into 10,000 crows and fly away forever

I have some good feelings towards it though, and I have to be clear, this is actually Ambivalent Bones. I'm only mad at the "Usefulness" rhetoric, the rest is just my normal amount of whinging lmao.

I do really like Cinderpelt and Brightheart finally getting some interactions. It's long overdo lmao

I like Cloudtail and Brightheart as a ship so it's nice to see them hang out.

Uhhh this is a bit of a backhanded compliment but I liked how she was upset at not getting one of Whitestorm's children to mentor? I don't like how it bodes for the wider narrative though, because we know this ends in her getting shafted FOR YEARS and unable to get an apprentice. But I liked the plot setup of her having resentment for Cloudtail because of this. I thought that would make a really good plot point for putting a wedge between them to work through. Like, stop being cowards, LEAN INTO Firestar making some very serious, insulting, short-sighted mistakes, and it interfering with Brightheart's ability to heal. Kill your darling.

There were some nice lines. I do remember Ashfur's lame "greedyclaw" insult, which was funny.

I enjoyed the cute moments between the cats in ThunderClan. Ferncloud chasing after her kids, Brightheart convincing people to help her investigate, the Willowkin being upset about their mom. It's a mess but there's some nice stuff in that mess, y'know?

Overall, my memory hasn't been kind to it. I think I was giving it a 6/10 when I first saw it, but it's dropped down to a low 5/10. Not (very) offensive but too messy and pointless to revisit.

[spectrum-core]

STEPHCLAIR IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD

Alternative title: a very angry (and tired) Full Stop fan's thesis.

ok, so me being the stephan/sinclair comparison's strongest hater is a bit i really like to lean into, but for the sake of keeping things semi-serious i will try to keep the actual essay content as free of me ranting my frustrations as humanly possible (which i mean commitement to the bit aside this will be hard bc it is frustrating to see people calling them both the same character, at best it shows a very surface level understanding of either character and at worst it shows just reducing them to cookie cutter meme fandom archetypes neither character actually fits into, so bear with me if i slip up and make unserious comments from time to time)

so before i start the actual essay let me say this: this essay doesnt even scratch the surface of how much i hate this comparison you guys cant even possibly fucking imagine ive been obssessed and i mean OBSSESSED with the full stop office since 2021 and im glad i wasnt in the limbus prerelease fanbase because if i had to see people comparing my beautiful boy and beloved best friend to a guy we had no info about other than "hes based of the guy from demian" i would have turned into the joker this is not even about saving my own mental health this is about sparing the entire pjm fandom of the monster i would have turned into

spoilers for ruina and limbus, universe terminology heavy and surface level references and interpretations of demian by herman hesse because imma keep it real with you guys the first and only time i read that book i was still in high school and i barely remember shit.

Table of contents:

Stephan - a summary

Sinclair - a summary 2.1. Emil Sinclair in Demian (1919) 2.2. Emil Sinclair in Limbus Company (2023)

Addressing common arguments

1.- Stephan - a summary

And of course I will start with Stephan, because I love him very much, just like Liwei he's one of my favorite pjm characters (yeah i like him more than your favorite popular character don't ask) so it's not surprising that i have A Lot to say about him, right?

And of course, I do.

As I said in the serrated duo post, a core part of my perception of the Full Stop office depends on the fact that they are poor. Mentions of money are common all across many factions in the game, yes, but the Full Stops are extremely constant about money, how taking a wrong turn means losing more than they can afford, how they can't afford to drop their weapons because they were too expensive, how even getting the permissions to be able to buy and wield these weapons was ridiculously expensive and so on. Of course, Stephan is the one talking about this the most (something I will elaborate on later), but Liwei and Tamaki also make a few ocassional mentions to it in their dialogue and keypages and considering this is a shared business it just makes sense that this is something that affects all of them.

These are just some few of the callbacks to money that Stephan alone does in his dialogue, without focusing in keypage text or what Liwei and Tamaki have to say about it.

And idk man, at least to me the difference between social classes is an important aspect for their characterization, specially because of how constant the concern with money is for Stephan. From this point alone comparing them feels like erasing a core aspect of Stephan's characterization, a lot about Stephan (and the Full Stop office as a whole, let's be real here) starts making more sense once you read the office as lower-middle class (and I'm saying lower middle class because they can afford some place to live and their weapons, but to me these guys are the types who precisely because of their need to keep bullets at all times can't pay for water or electricity all the time and sometimes they simply can't afford food or if they do they can spend a week straight eating nothing but unsalted pasta).

Now, going back to Stephan being the most outward about his complaints with money, he is in general the most outward about all problems the office is facing, to the point in which he doesn't mind inconveniencing everyone else with his rants, being one of the few guests who interrupt Angela's introductory speech and getting into Tamaki's nerves (something he's well aware he's doing, as these two know each other) at least two times through the course of their pre-battle cutscene, even Roland comments after the reception on how he wishes he would always have been as open about his problems as Stephan was.

However, it's worth nothing that he doesn't spend the entire cutscene crying about his miseries, and he only starts losing hope at three key moments: when they can't kill Eileen inmediately (making them waste more bullets than needed), when Argalia shows up (forcing them to retreat and making them fail their mission, meaning they won't get paid for this after they already lost a ton of money, as well as turning the situation into something much more dangerous than what they had signed up for) and once they enter the Library (an Urban Plague grade threat they have little to no information about, when him and Tamaki are almost out of bullets so Liwei is essentially the only fixer with some chance of putting up a fight and, you know, making it out alive).

Now, while it's true that Stephan is someone who dislikes danger, he isn't someone who isn't used to seeing gruesome events, his instinctive reaction to seeing a guy getting his head put into a meat grinder was cracking jokes and calling the concept of thought gears "a load of horseshit", which is something that falls in line with him being a somewhat experienced Fixer (sure, grade 5 isn't amazing but we can assume it's still either in the higher side of average or barely above average, and for someone specialized in firearms, which are far from the best weapon in the city, getting that high means he must have some experience and skill, right? more so considering he's been at this for 5 years at most) who has seen a fair share of horrid shit and can be unfazed by (most of) it as long as his own safety isn't on the line.

Another point is... he dislikes danger and is always wary about money and expenses, to the point in which he enjoys checking his bank account (or at least he believes so, if we go for the theory of the artbook profiles being more a mix of what the characters perceive themseves as/would describe themselves as to others, which is a theory i go by, I see him as someone who's convinced he does that for fun instead as out of desperation), but this seems to be more a generalized feeling of impending doom at everything rather than something that can be traced back to a particular traumatic event (anything can be dangerous, anything can cost him money), dude's from the backstreets after all, he's seen shit and he's used to assuming the worst. How I see Stephan, he's a guy who already expects bad things to happen but once things go wrong he starts freaking out about how this time They're Screwed For Real, but he never really tricks himself into believing "maybe things will turn out just fine this time?" or who thinks "well, we've done this before, surely we can handle it again."

This is not very related to Stephan as a character in terms of personality but I think it's still an important point to make as it is particularly related to body mods, his physical condition and his body shape.

So we can easily say that Stephan is a strong dude, at least if compared to real world standards without the fancy and insane body mods we see people in the city have access to. He carries that huge rifle around with his bare hands, something that Tamaki doesn't do and that not even Stephan himself in earlier iterations of his dessign did, and his main talent (which based of my theories is something that can be assumed as "something he's proud enough of to consider it the thing he does best") is physical labor.

Pictured, Tamaki's talksprite, carrying a rifle almost as long as she is tall with a strap supporting the weight on her shoulders, like a normal person.

Also pictured, an earlier iteration of Stephan's dessign, carrying the same rifle his current version does, but also holding it with the help of a similar strap supporting the weight on his shoulders.

And finally, Stephan's current dessign, holding that shit with his bare fucking hands in an exhibition of his brute animal strength, what the fuck is wrong with this man (affectionate)

And Stephan's artbook profile, the important part here is his speciality being physical labor, not only he's strong but he aknowledges this.

However, I made a point about the Full Stop office being poor, right? Even Roland says that "giving a whole office augmentation procedures is cheaper than keeping a decent supply of bullets in stock" (not the exact phrasing).

At least personally, I see this as Roland essentially saying "it would be cheaper (and more efficient) to get body mods for everyone in the office and buy another (cheaper) type of weaponry instead", but as things stand, the Full Stops can afford to either buy more ammunition and maintain their weapons, OR to get body mods, and since their whole deal is firearms... well, they can't really Stop investing in them, meaning they have no body mods At All and they got their grades purely out of their own physical strength.

Similarly, Stephan makes a similar point about how body augmentations are required for people to be able to run while carrying their weapons around (specifically talking about the rifles he and Tamaki use).

And... you know, the whole point is that they couldn't run carrying their weapons because they were too heavy, Argalia mocked them for that, Liwei urged them to drop their weapons, something they refused to do because of the prices.

Lastly on this point, while it's true that Ruina talksprites have a very bad case of Long Anime Legs (to the point in which how Roland's legs take about 2/3 of his height is a common joke), if we focus only on his head and torso, Stephan looks pretty Wide, and not only because he's wearing thick, fluffy and multilayered clothing, as other characters wearing similar clothing styles still look thinner than him.

This is all to say: I don't think this guy is a twink, or thin at all. He's a prime example of the strongman build to me and this is yet another hill I'm willing to die on watch project moon turn him into a beanpole once he inevitably shows up in limbus and me turning into the first real world distortion as a consequence.

Finally, Stephan is very notoriously the most informal member of the office, not only being the only one who doesn't wear any sort of formal clothing fully prioritizing comfort and practicality over looks but also completely disregarding formalities with his attitude at work (again, he interrupts Angela's introductory monologue, and again, his first two lines when being introduced are him cracking jokes), being the only member of the office to swear on screen and using several informal expressions and metaphors through both the reception dialogue and his keypage story.

And for good measure, he's a compilation of Stephan being the creature he is.

The literal introduction of the characters, also known as the moment in which Stephan became one of my favorite characters because he's Just Like Me Fr

Very normal behavior for someone who hates blood and violence and isn't used to seeing it. This man is more than capable (and willing, assuming money is involved) to murder kill.

Which, I mean, this attitude is very different from what we see from Sinclair.

2.- Sinclair, a summary

In retrospect I probably should have made this one first because I'm gonna be honest with you, Sinclair is one of the sinners I care about the least (I still like him and think he's pretty cool mind you I just don't vibe too much with most of the tropes making up the character) so what I have to say about him is less me grasping for straws and subtext because I don't care enough about him to be bothered with a super serious and in depth analysis like I did with Stephan and more things we can explicitly see about him in game and things that happen in the novel Demian.

And if I can have a small parenthesis here, people saying that one of my favorite pjm guys Ever is in any way similar to a guy who despite being pretty cool is just Not the type of character I fully vibe with... really, it gets annoying fast. Anyway back to the serious analysis now.

2.1- Emil Sinclair in Demian (1919)

To be able to understand Sinclair as he is depicted in Limbus Company, it is important to first be familiar with the source material of the original iteration of the character, that's it we're doing your high school homework by compiling several literary analysis of a symbolic psychological early 20th century autobiographical novel i hope you guys signed up for this (and if you didn't, though luck! i will do this anyway, I love literary analysis).

In the novel, young Emil finds himself torn between the worlds of light (which can be equated to the Garden of Eden, but it's more tangible meaning for our protagonist is his childhood home and family, a serene and well structure/organized space where he can be innocent, untainted by the evils of the outside world) and darkness (basically all the scary shit that goes on outside, where people do evil things for the sake of it), he finds himself tempted by the violence of the outside world, particularly through the actions of his classmate Franz Kromer, which eventually leads him to consider that due to being exposed to this tainted world of evil he no longer can return to the world of good and innocence.

Here, the character of Demian acts as a guide, someone who helps Sinclair to trascend this binary perception of good vs evil and to see himself as someone worthy of happiness because him witnessing the world of evil didn't taint him as a person but rather merely showed him another face of the world, Demian here mentions the Mark of Cain as a symbol of mental strenght and freedom, considering that bearers of this mark are capable of making their own choices and should be able to go beyond their assigned roles, being able to embody aspects of both worlds. This is to say that Demian's view is less focused on good vs evil, instead taking a more order vs chaos approach (without giving an explicit moral character to either).

In the book, the symbol of a bird breaking out of the egg is frequently used to represent Emil's personal growth, the egg represents safety and innocence, but a bird must eventually leave the egg or it will die, and getting out of the egg is a process than can be seen as violent, as a bird must fight to get out of the egg, and getting out of the egg represents birth but also an irreversible change, it can be seen as breaking out of the world of light and getting permanently in the world of darkness since a broken shell can't be fixed, but it can also mean achieving the enlightment and personal balance to not feel permanently bound to a condition, place or state of being and therefore growing as a person by learning to see himself as a whole human instead of supressing his "evil side" by only forcing the "good side" to surface.

Max Demian is here to show this second meaning of growth/self improvement (while also explaining that Sinclair is permamently growing and must always keep this balance between all the parts conforming the whole being that is himself rather that trying to make parts of himself antagonize each other). This idea of personal growth being one of the core themes of the book.

2.2- Emil Sinclair in Limbus Company (2023)

With Sinclair's source media analyzed (at a very surface level, mind you), we now can start talking about the depiction of Sinclair in Limbus Company, how it parallels the book, why the book symbolism is important for this instance of Sinclair and so on.

When we are first introduced to Sinclair in the game he's clearly nervous, he doesn't know what he's supposed to do as he hasn't worked for a similar company before and he isn't used to the gruesome sight of the bus eating people, this does fit inmediately in the motif of a naive person with limited experience about the world (well, to be fair to him most people won't be seeing man-eating buses at a regular basis, but the average backstreets dweller would be familiar with equally violent situations).

With this said, despite Sinclair's obviously nervous behavior... he isn't really a pessimist like Stephan was, in fact, almost every chapter (counting cantos, intervallos and the short mini chapters such as the Dante's notes update episode) have at least one key moment with him trying to rationalize horrible stuff as something much less violent, or simply going "but I thought this thing didn't work like this..." when confronted with the more horrible realities in the city. He thought the G corp veterans were really going to let them pass without a fight, he thought the people being controlled by headhens were just actors wearing mascot costumes, he thought mermaids were the beautiful half-woman half-fish creatures he heard about in fairy tales, and there's more examples but I don't really feel like looking for The Entire Fucking Plot Because This Guy Is An Actual Protagonist Instead Of A Background Guy Like Stephan Was to make my point clearer than it already is. And it's only when he realizes that the real world doesn't fit his expectations that he panics.

Well, there is one exception to this pattern: his own canto. Here, he panics inmediately as soon as K corp's nest is mentioned and spends the first half of the chapter pleading to turn back while saying that they are going to get killed. So what is different here with the rest of the plot?

Obviously, the fact that is related to his very own very personal very specific trauma. That is to say, unlike Stephan who is wary of anything that can put him on danger or cost him more money than it should, Sinclair has a very specific traumatic event that makes him act Like That (sure, he gets scared and nervous outside that, but these are more normal "I'm unfamiliar with this and I don't fully know how to react, this is normal behavior in a human being" reactions than outright "I am Actually Terrified due to being reminded of an actual traumatic event, this reaction is a textbook definition of post-traumatic stress disorder").

HOWEVER, Sinclair being someone who's deeply traumatized and kind of a scaredy cat when it comes to violence and unfamiliar situations... it doesn't mean that he's incompetent or a bad fighter. Almost all of his identities are terrifyingly good fighters (at least in their lore), Los Mariachis fear jefe Sinclair, Cinq director Sinclair is someone most association members are terrified to duel even during training, Blade Lineage Sinclair is considered a talented killer (it's also worth noting that save maybe for the mariachi one, in none of these mirror worlds Sinclair is precisely happy of being recognized as "the guy who's very scary when he fights people", unlike Stephan who I don't think he particularly likes killing but has a more "as long as I get paid..." mentality about it), the only "not very good at this" Sinclair id I can think of is the molar boatworks id where he's more a mechanic than a fighter so he fears he's lagging behind in that aspect. Hell, even the Canon Timeline so to speak (which is to say: his base identity) has him carrying that huge halberd, going on a frenzy attacking some already mutilated inquisitor's corpse, piercing through Guido's armor and dealing a fatal blow that finally killed him for real. To compare, Stephan is good at physical work, but we don't know about his close combat capacities other than the fact that he dislikes it, for Sinclair however we know he's terrifyingly good at physical combat.

Now, I've seen a lot of people call Sinclair a twink and while it's one of these words that nobody agrees on what it means, let's give it the benefit of doubt and say "alright, for the duration of this analysis let's settle on a twink being a young looking (regardless of actual age), thin man with almost no facial/body hair".

Since Sinclair is a rich guy (not just Any Rich Guy though, we're talking of someone whose family had ties to a Wing, probably not some elite guy like Daniel or Hong Lu, but not a self perceived "mediocre" nest dweller like Samjo either), and pressumably not very experienced in combat in most mirror worlds (we know he has no prior experience in the base one where he joined Limbus, at least), let's say that he has enough body mods for him to be much stronger than he looks like despite being thin, he does look thin and young and much to my dissapointment he also has no facial hair, so yeah, under this very broad definition of the term he is a twink.

However if you start adding personality archetypes to the definition he stops being one almost inmediately, as we've been shown time after time that his "submissive" attitude is mostly a result of him not knowing too well how to impose himself and just going along with what the rest say or do, but he's starting to grow tired of that ever since Hell's Chicken (even if he clearly still isn't great at that), as it should be more than obvious for anyone who even just googled "demian herman hesse literary analysis", Sinclair is undergoing a lot of changes even now, and the game is doing a good job at portraying that.

Honestly I also think he'd be hotter with a sleeper build but really, I don't care enough about him to argue about that.

And for the last point, precisely due to his upbringing as a rich guy AND his traumatic experience with Kromer, Sinclair is not only a very polite and mild mannered guy (again, unlike resident creature Stephan), but also he tries to take as little space as possible, both literally and metaphorically, as Dante notices near the end of canto 3 when they finally comment on how Sinclair never talks about his own problems until it's too late because he doesn't want to bother the others as they probably have it worse (again, unlike Stephan "i don't mind loweing team morale and making everyone in the room uncomfortable as long as i get to vent" Full Stop office).

3.- Adressing common arguments

Alright, now that I talked about each character, let's see some of the most common arguments I've seen people use to compare them.

"They look the same!" No, they don't. The only thing they have in common is being blonde but even their hairstyles are different with Sinclair having a simple bowl-ish cut with slightly wavy hair and Stephan having curlier hair (not to mention the whole point I made about body types because I'm the sort of lunatic who cares about that stuff). I won't even bother with this argument.

"They have the same personalities!" Again, they don't. Stephan is very cynical with a lot of his attitude being clearly derivated from him coming from a poor background and having stayed there his whole life, he also doesn't care about his cynism getting in the way and bothering everyone else. On the other hand, Sinclair is someone who could almost be described as naive due to having lived a sheltered childhood and only having his experiences with Kromer and his time at Limbus as moments of realizing that the rest of the world is Not Like His Childhood House, still believing that the world is a binary of good vs evil and expecting things to turn out fine or be much better than they actually are, just to be hit with the reality of the city Not being a nice place where people are nice and polite and not trying to kill him, this is not to say he doesn't have his own issues but even Dante notices during his Canto that Sinclair makes a point to avoid bothering everyone else with his personal problems, keeping them to himself even if that makes things worse on the long run.

"Both are opposed and harmed by a lunatic!" This is an argument I've seen a lot and is incredibly filmsy at best, half of the city's population are lunatics and the other half are people who got opposed by them some way or another. Will you say that Ishmael and the rest of the Pequod crew can be compared to the Full Stop office (or really, even mention the other Full Stop fixers instead of just focusing on Stephan because he happens to be blonde and can be compared to Sinclair) because of their situations with Ahab? Or the W Corp crew who got their train targetted by Jae-heon and Elena (or, you know, the train passengers who were turned into Love townspeople or puppets)? What about the Vermillion Cross who got killed by the Reverb Ensemble? Or the Cane office fixers? or the Zwei association section 6 who got beaten to death by Gyeong-mi just because he felt like doing so? Or the Liu association section 1 who had to deal with Argalia taking Philip away? Or the Kurokumo clan members when they were attacked by Tanya? You aren't comparing them to either Stephan or Sinclair, right? Not to mention that in her weird and fucked up perception of things, Kromer was less opposed to Sinclair as she was trying to lead him to join her and her cause, even the last things she says before getting killed are her calling him to follow her.

"Both are compared to birds!" Oh, right, because I forgot that a very directed symbolic comparison to a baby bird breaking out of it's shell as a symbol of rebirth, learning about the nuances of the world and self improvement/liberation that is consistently used in the source material Sinclair comes from is exactly the same as one (1) throwaway line the big bad guy uses to mock not only Stephan but the whole Full Stop gang, right. And if you want to say "but Tamaki compares him to a bird once too", yeah she calls him a parrot because he keeps repeating the same complaints over and over, it's still not the same as a consistent metaphor.

"Both are sad blonde twinks! They're essentially the same guy." Sad? Yeah, everyone in the city is sad but their ways to be sad are polar opposites, and neither of them is the pure cinnamon roll uwu crybaby archetype people tend to lump both into, Stephan was merely having a bad day and people decided to make that his whole personality (when honestly we get more insight on his actual personality before Argalia shows up, when he's making sarcastic remarks and getting impatient because they weren't starting killing people fast enough) but he's still perfectly capable (and willing) to murder people, and Sinclair is just... someone who lacks experience about the real world and how it works and has a tendency to get nervous because of this, but he can adapt quickly to situations once he understands them. Blonde? Yeah, but I guess if that's a point to draw a comparison then we should also compare them to Don Quixote, the Tiphereths, Lenny, Yun, Lulu, Olga, every single npc, librarian, and agent who comes with blonde hair from the generator... Twinks? Stephan absolutely isn't one, Sinclair depends on how you define twink as nobody seems to get to an agreement with that, if you define it as merely "young looking thin man with almost no visible body hair" then yeah he is one, but if you go for any more specific definition than that he stops fitting into the definition almost instantly.

In conclusion: if I see anyone else comparing them I'll start blocking people liberally bc I'm sick of seeing that shit (I do that already tbh but just so you know), now scram

[nerves-nebula]

Hello! Im the asker about ur neglected turtles voices! Love the analysis about my ask lmao, if it helps explain anything ive been following for a minute but yeah, never extensively went thru ur blog lol

I mostly assumed 2012 bc their dynamics remind me a bit more of that generation than the others minus leo (rottmnt), which i was going to mention but then didnt want to over complicate the question lmao

Thank u for answering tho! Cant wait to see more ^^

i love when i'm right. thank u for coming back XOXO <3

i've heard a few people say that they thought mine was inspired by 2012 for that reason which (if i may wade into a simmering fandom war for a moment) is kind of a point towards the "2012 is abusive/dysfunctional" people since my guys are actually based mostly on my family + other stories of abuse i've heard & read about.

like if you see an intentionally fucked up set of dynamics and go "wow kinda like 2012" then idk man. kinda hard to come back from that.

anyway here's more 2012 abuse ranting shit but keep in mind that i havent watched most of 2012 and i am not being super serious here ok. don't ATTACK AND KILL me or w/e its notttt that important

the funny thing is that I never originally cared about the whole is 2012 abusive argument because the clear answer to me was "it probably wasnt intended to be, since this kind of writing where everyone is mean to each other was basically The Way a lot of kids shows were written back then, but it can definitely come off that way, especially to people sensitive to shitty family lives and who see something familiar in the way these characters interact"

and that's basically still my stance (if you can really have a hard stance on something so unimportant)

but then I kept seeing arguments against 2012 being abusive. and they were so poorly thought out and unconvincing and just BAD that they actually made me more convinced it was abusive. cuz before i didn't think about it much and i kind of just took as it, like, well this is slapstick comedy so that's the slapstick. whatever. I was mostly focused on the doylist explanation for things because it gets more complicated if you look at it in a watsonian way. But not really complicated in a fun way tbh.

it would be so easy to just say "I don't really read it as abusive personally" but some ppl gotta come out with "see they CANT be abusive because they LIKE EACH OTHER sometimes" or the INFAMOUS "thats just how siblings act lmao these idiots have never had siblings before" and its like. that's so stupid that i'm now going to read it as abuse out of spite.

tho i'm sure there were also people insisting it 100% HAD to be abusive and if you didnt read it that way you were INVALIDATING ABUSE VICTIMS. since fandom-wide arguments tend to be started by a handful of people who cant just leave shit alone heff. i wonder how its going over there rn. i dont really keep up with fandom stuff. do people still argue about this? whatever