#IT WAS ALSO VERY HARD TO THINK ABOUT BECAUSE MY CURRENT JOB IS SO STRESSFUL AND IVE BEEN HATING IT SM

[elegyofthemoon]

i know that i applied for the leave of absence from my school a long while ago but,,, today i officially sent an email saying that i'm actually withdrawing now

i'm really glad i did wind up taking that time away from the school to figure myself out. it gave me a lot of time to reassess and get back in tune with myself and what i truly want rather than do things out of obligation towards others

even if i am a little exhausted that technically now i'm striving towards two dreams and working towards both at the same time, it's still nice to be like 'oh this is way more like me!' and feel at least a little happier with it :>

so! i'm much happier now at least. and at least for one of those dreams i can see so much progress for someone who only started to pick it back up in may. i'm really excited to share more of it but for now it's just the waiting game :]

[impval]

cinnamon in my teeth pt.2

CaitVi  x fem!reader

You were so used to coming home to an empty, silent house. No parents, no friends, no one to greet you after your shifts at work. Just the soft, solitary hush of an empty house.

The silence sat heavy on your shoulders - that feeling of being alone, and isolated.

You'd spend hours sitting quietly, lost in your head.

You'd go hours without speaking a word to anyone, the only company you had being the sound of your own heartbeat and the voices inside your head.

Life was quiet. Lonely.

But now… now the house was full of sound. Of warmth and laughter and love.

You'd come home to the sound of arguments, of giggles and laughter, of two women who loved you very dearly. You'd be met with smiles instead of loneliness, and you'd be greeted with warm kisses before even finished saying hello.

The silence was still there sometimes, but it was different. Softer. It was a comfort to walk into the house and still feel the presence of your girlfriends, even when they weren't there. Their clothes, their accessories, their distinct scents.

They didn't always come home together, unfortunately. Their jobs often left them both late at night, either one getting home before the other, sometimes both being late. Caitlyn was a workaholic, so often she'd be at her desk well beyond the hours most normal people would consider reasonable.

Caitlyn was an incredibly dedicated person, and while you knew work was important to her, both you and Vi were always happy that she tried to make time for you.

There were times when it was hard, though. When she'd come home in the late hour, looking tired and worn out and stressed. When she'd spend long hours hunched over paperwork, and you'd find her in the middle of the night, still not done.

But overall, it wasn't too bad. You appreciated that she was willing to put work aside for you and Vi.

You can never get excited for Fridays. You love that the end of the week brings a break from work, but at the same time, that Friday energy always seems to bring all the idiots with it. Meetings, last minute reports, and unexpected calls from clients who need their paperwork signed by the end of the week.

You let out a soft sigh, dropping your pen down on the desk. Your back popped as you finally straightened your spine, feeling the knots of pain in your shoulders unknotting.

Your eyes roamed over the rest of the office, eyeing out your coworkers. Just like you, they all had that shrimp-like slouch, slumped over their desks.

Office life was slowly destroying your back.

Your eyes narrowed as you spotted your boss, standing across the office with a cup of tea and another coworker. Your boss is an absolute ass - a massive jerk who thinks that just because you're the younger, he can push every last responsibility onto your shoulders.

But he'd been much quieter lately and seemed to be avoiding you like you had a deadly disease, passing on work to others instead of giving it directly to you. It was a strange change.

And there was something about the glitter on his neck that was familiar… pink and blue, he tried covered it with a scarf but you noticed. The glitter dusted across his skin, plus the hint of a limp he now had, and the fact that someone had spent an entire day cleaning the graffiti from the his office...

You finish the last of the coffee in your mug, unable to help a small smile lifting your mouth.

Caitlyn and Vi hadn't promised to stay out of it, but Jinx… Jinx didn't make such promise.

Jinx was Vi's younger sister, and the relationship between the sisters was… complicated, to say the least. At least they weren't currently fighting, but it was only a matter of time.

She was insane, that was for sure. But you also kind of liked Jinx… when she wasn't kidnapping you or trying to burn down the city, that is. Despite her occasional kidnappings and pranks, Jinx did sort of treat you differently than anyone else. You couldn't quite pin down why.

You were normal. A civilian, no history of violence, no blood on your hands, an average person. Perhaps it was just because you were normal.

It had been an odd encounter when Jinx kidnapped you for first time, but the first thing you'd said to her? "I like your hair."

The clock on the wall finally reached the end of the work day, marking the end of your shift.

You stood from your seat, stretching your stiff back, letting a sigh out of your lips. Your boss looked nervous as you smiled at him, walking past.

The evening air was cool, sending a chill down your spine. With a sigh you tightened your jacket around your shoulders, searching for any sign of Vi.

Suddenly, you felt a pair of hands fall over your eyes, and a familiar voice spoke behind you.

"Guess who?"

Vi leaned her face close to your ear, her smile widening as she heard your comment, her breath warm. You could feel a smile tug at your lips, the familiar scent and warmth of your girlfriend's presence bringing you comfort. The feel of her body next to you was as natural and comforting as breathing.

"A bit predictable, don't you think?" you smirked, a slight hint of sarcasm in your tone.

"Maybe. But it gets you every time."

She moved her hands away from your eyes and instead wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer. The kiss was light and gentle, and you could feel the blush quickly take over your cheeks.

Vi's hair was a bit dirty, a mess of tangled locks, yet somehow it still looked as cool as ever. There was a slight smudge of dirt across her cheek, probably from some sort of grease, and you reached up to wipe it away.

Vi's arm wrapped around your waist as you took slow strides towards your house, your pace relaxed in the cool evening air. The walk wasn't far, only ten minutes from the office.

You still couldn't believe it sometimes, living in a mansion now, a far cry from your small apartment, and you had two girlfriends. Life was weird.

"How was your day?" Vi said softly.

You loved your job for the most part. Yeah, it had endless paperwork and tedious reports, but it paid the bills, and the people you worked with were nice and helpful.

Vi didn't always fully understand what you said, but that never stopped her from paying attention and trying to grasp the concepts. It was one of the things you loved most about her - her unwavering attention and curiosity.

The walk home was filled with you discussing work and venting to Vi, who listened and asked questions in the right spots. She nodded along, making noises of understanding to let you know that she was following along.

The lights of mansion glowed warmly in the windows as you and Vi approached, letting you know that Caitlyn was home. Perfect, since that meant she was probably already cooking dinner.

Vi didn't quite know how to cook, although Caitlyn and you was more than happy to help her. You usually took the lead in the kitchen, but you'd grown tired of it recently, and you couldn't deny the appeal of Caitlyn handling all the cooking.

You and Vi exchanged a knowing look, both of you thinking the same thing. Caitlyn's cooking was that good.

The moment you stepped into the house, the scent of freshly-cooked meat immediately hit your nostrils, your mouth watering at the thought of a proper meal after a day filled only with snacks.

Both you and Vi walk into the kitchen, finding Caitlyn standing by the stove. She looks adorable in the little apron she’s wearing, and you can tell she's a little tired - her forehead is creased with a worried little crease, and her messy hair is pushed back into a bun.

The moment you enter, she turns to you both, a warm smile on her full lips.

"You're home!" Caitlyn exclaims with a pleased sigh.

You watch as Caitlyn leans over to give Vi a swift, affectionate kiss. Vi leans into the kiss, her arms wrapping around Caitlyn waist in a tight little pull.

"I missed you," she murmurs.

It was true that a lot of people didn't understand how three women could be in a relationship with each other. So many people tried to insist it was some sort of twisted experiment - that someone had to be left out, or that everyone was secretly miserable.

You had heard the questions - Don't you feel lonely? Don't you get jealous? - and you usually had just shrugged them off with a wry smile. After all, you were dating both the two most beautiful women in existence.

Jealousy? Loneliness? You feel neither.

Caitlyn then turns her attention to you, her expression softening.

"And I missed you too," she adds, her hand coming up to gently caress your cheek. "Did you have a good day, sweetheart?"

"It was..work as usual." You can't help smiling. It's such a stupid, lovesick, soft expression - like lovestruck puppy.

But you don't care at all.

Caitlyn smiles back, the corners of her eyes crinkling faintly.

"You're all happy like an idiots," Vi teases, an amused scoff in her voice. Her arms are still wrapped around Caitlyn's waist.

"Just work, huh?"

Caitlyn raises a curious eyebrow, her eyes watching you closely. A flicker of something - something you can't quite decipher - crosses over her face. There was something in her expression, like she was expecting a certain answer from you.

Well, someone had to set Jinx on your boss, right? Well, Caitlyn promised not to hurt your boss. Smart decision and no broken promises.

She nod regardless, and simply says, "Dinner's just about ready, so you might want to go wash up before you eat."

"Ugh," Vi groans, her grip growing tight on Caitlyn, as if it's to hold her in place.

Caitlyn simply rolls her eyes and gently bats Vi's hands away from her. "Go," she says, her voice firm. "You can't eat if your hands are all dirty."

You take Vi's hand and start to pull her towards the bathroom, leading her away from Caitlyn.

Vi gives one last, half-hearted protest, but she lets you pull her away without too much fuss. She follows you to the bathroom, and you start to wash at the sink.

It's so stupid how cute Vi can be when she's pouting like this. She's always been so used to getting her own way that she acts like a whiny five-year-old sometimes. It's both adorable and incredibly annoying at once.

You all sit at the table, and Vi is already shoveling food into her mouth like a greedy puppy. She's completely ungraceful, taking large, messy bites.

Caitlyn, on the other hand, is incredibly slow, savoring every bite of her food. She's a woman raised with manners and discipline, after all.

Christmas was on its way, and you now had a beautiful tree in the living room. Vi has never, ever been able to celebrate Christmas properly. Now she was going through all the effort to make her first Christmas "proper," and it was adorable how enthusiastic she was about it.

She was practically vibrating with excitement when you all first got the Christmas tree out. Her eyes lit up so brightly as she excitedly babbled about how much she was looking forward to decorating the tree together.

You all chat. The snow is falling outside, slowly blanketing your home in a layer of white, soft snow that creates a sense of comfort. Vi is so excited that you can't help but laugh at the fact that she didn't even notice the mess she's made of her own face.

Caitlyn has to wipe away some of the sauce from Vi's face, muttering about how she's a mess - but there's an affectionate, amused smile on her face.

You remember the days of instant ramen in a bowl and a quiet, empty apartment - you were always alone. The difference now is incredible, the change in lifestyle so immense that it still feels a little like a dream sometimes.

Christmas has always been a bit of a mixed bag for Caitlyn - she didn't hate it by any means, but there was always a lot of pressure for her to be on her very best behavior.

She would have had to arrange an event for the entire Kiramman family, which meant she would have had to talk to an awful lot of people who she absolutely did not like.

You're aware of this, and you'd make sure that she'd never have to go through it again. So you'd insisted that both of your girlfriends spend Christmas with you - no formality, just three girlfriends together in a happy home. You wanted it to be a peaceful holiday, without the usual stress.

As you pick up the dirty dishes, Vi cracks her knuckles and stretches before heading upstairs to take a shower. You know she'll be waiting in bed for you and Caitlyn later.

Caitlyn follows you, her hands at her sides, looking at you as you start washing the dishes. She watches you for a moment, studying you quietly.

Caitlyn has never been fond of people doing chores in her home. She'd rather do it herself, even though it was never necessary. She'd grown up in a house with servants, and she always hated it - it left her feeling like an outsider in her own home.

There is a time you remember when her gaze scared you. The weight of her stare was almost uncomfortable. She was so strong, so smart, so intimidating. Now you cherish that gaze. Now you love it when she stares at you.

"You know, my boss has been incredibly quiet lately," you say, breaking the silence with a saccharine-sweet voice.

Caitlyn's eyes narrow at your comment, a small frown marring her perfect face. She knew you knew.

Somehow, Caitlyn had convinced Jinx to... prank your boss. You knew Jinx wouldn't have thought to do it on her own - she was currently too busy with Zaun politics to really care about your problems. You hadn't seen her in months.

"He was?" she says, her tone as calm as your own. "I wonder why."

You finish washing the last dish in the sink, and turn off the water.

Caitlyn gives you a towel, and you quickly start to dry your hands. There's something you want to say, but you can't outmaneuver Caitlyn - she grew up with all these little games, and you, for all your effort, can never really match her.

No games, then.

"Jinx? Caitlyn, honey, just how?"

Caitlyn snorts, her head tilting to one side as she pushes some hair out of her face.

"How do you know it's me?" she asks, pretending to be unperturbed by your accusations. "Maybe it was Vi."

You roll your eyes, so hard it almost hurts.

There's no way it was Vi. She never would've thought up something like this on her own - and she would never be able to talk to Jinx without a fight. Those sisters are hopeless, two bickering children. You honestly wish they'd just get therapy or something.

Caitlyn laughs at your reaction, the sound soft and amused. She pulls you closer, wrapping her hands around your waist. She smells of spice and food - but there's that lingering scent of gunpowder there, that was just a part of her now. Always lingering like some sort of phantom.

"It helped that she likes you," she said, voice laced with amusement. She knew Jinx had a soft spot for you, and she'd have used that to her advantage. "And she likes to cause chaos, and i showed her the right direction."

Right. Well, you definitely won't tell Vi about this.

You nuzzle your face into Caitlyn's neck, just like a affectionate cat.

"I should've handled this myself." You murmur against her skin, your voice a little annoyed. You're not sorry for the man getting what he had coming - the jerk deserved it.

Caitlyn lets out a small sigh, your statement coming as no surprise to her. "I know," she murmurs, her voice soft and gentle.

Your girlfriend knew about your insecurities all too well. She could see the way you eyed Vi and her, the way you'd always compare yourself to the two of them. Just a regular person - you worked in an office job and had never stepped foot in combat. Nothing really special.

Caitlyn was particularly attuned to your feelings - she'd known you long enough now to be able to tell when you were feeling especially down on yourself. You were so much more to her than "nothing special."

Because you were a remarkable person. You should have more confidence, and know that you were worthy, special, and desirable in your own way.

She murmurs apology as you nuzzle against her, and you feel her gently running her fingers through your hair. "You know I hate that man for treating you the way he does," she murmurs, her voice soft and caring.

You and Caitlyn press each other close, clinging together. You both know that you can't stay like that for too much longer - Vi probably already waiting in the bedroom for you both, and she's not exactly the most patient person in the world.

Caitlyn presses a soft, final kiss to your forehead, before slowly detaching herself from your embrace.

"We should go to bed," she mumbles. "I'll probably get chewed out if we keep Vi waiting."

Caitlyn leads you up to the bedroom, a soft look in her eyes as you try to stay awake.

A yawn escapes you, and you cover it with your hand. Not only were you glad you didn't have to go anywhere tomorrow, but you were incredibly happy to get to just curl up in bed all morning, with both of your girlfriends still asleep beside you.

You loved those quiet moments. The stolen glances, the walks through the city, the soft touches and easy banter. It just felt so good, so right.

Yes. Life was good.

[nathaslosthershit]

Long Distance (LN4)

Summary: Long distance relationships are hard, especially when they both have very time consuming careers

Warnings; Angst (a whole lot), no happy ending in this part (will happen in pt 2)

Request: hi!! requesting a lando norris x female uni!reader if possible reader being a medical student or a one of the engineers on the paddock 🧍🏻‍♀️

Lando wasn’t known for being the smartest on the grid. He, like many other drivers, had only a few years of school to his name. But that still hadn’t stopped him from being able to somehow ‘woo’ a woman quite the opposite. 

His girlfriend was currently in her last year of medical school. While he was unbelievably proud of how far she had come, the difficulties of long distance have gotten to both of them, and there wasn’t much hope once she graduated and was off to a medical training program. With her studying for finals and Lando being off to a new country every two weeks for Grand Prixs, their relationship has been rocky to say the least.

Constant lack of communication and missing each other's calls had led them to have tons of unspoken dialogue. Each unanswered call created the smallest bit of resentment that just continued to grow and grow. 

No more sweet ‘goodmorning’ or ‘goodnight’ texts, no more wishing her well before a big test, no more sending ‘good luck baby!’ before qualifying. Just a few ‘how are you doing?’ and other bland messages you’d send to a coworker, not your significant other. 

After weeks of little communication, they had finally scheduled a ‘zoom date’. Not particularly the most romantic date they had been on, but it's the best they could do with their schedules. Lando called in late at night for him while his girlfriend had a lunch break in between labs. Time zones be damned.

Lando was 25 minutes late leaving only 35 minutes to actually talk to one another.

Her wifi was spotty so it kept freezing.

Finally, with only 5 minutes left, Lando decided to make a joke that there is no reason for her to continue going to labs, as he would be happy to be her ‘sugar daddy’. This was not very well received by his girlfriend, who responded with a quick “fuck you” and hung up early.

Lando was joking, a bit. He loved his girlfriend and saw a future with her, he just couldn’t stand long distance and any job in the medical field was bound to take up most of your time. He wanted her, but he also wanted someone who could be by his side on race day. That just wasn’t something that was possibly currently. 

He supported her. He loved to brag about how smart she was and how she was so dedicated to helping people. But that came with setbacks.

After a quick message from Lando (‘I was kidding darling. You know how proud I am of you. Lighten up a little, yeah?’), which she ignored, she was off to her labs in a worse mood than before. Things couldn’t go on like this. 

He hadn’t heard from her in three days. His “how are you, love?” and “Miss you lots. Hope your class is going better than my neck training :(“ went unanswered. She knew she was being petty, but maybe a relationship was just too hard for her life currently. 

After three long and stressful days of silence, she called him. With no message asking what she needed to speak about, Lando feared he already knew.

“We can’t keep doing this” She said after they quickly exchanged a ‘hi, how are you?’ ‘I'm good, how are you?’. 

“Baby, I told you it was just a-”

“I know that Lando! It's just that this isn’t the first time you have mentioned me quitting my career to be your housewife or whatever unrealistic idea you have stuck in your head.”

“I don’t need you to be a housewife! I don’t want that for you. I just try to let you know that you don’t need to worry about your future as much because I will always be there to help you.”

“But I want a career! I want to work hard so I can have a good future. You need to get it into your head that your career isn’t the only important one.”

“I don’t think that! Me wanting to let you know that I support you no matter what isn't diminishing your career plans! It would be nice if you started to show a little more support. I am so sick and tired of all our conversations revolving around you and how your day was. If classes are rough, or you are stressed, you don’t respond to me. I never know where I land with you. But god forbid I try to mention how hard my day was. I am just as sick of it.”

She didn’t know how to respond. It seems that all the times she has been more focused on how she was feeling she completely forgot to check on how he was doing. Before she can even muster out an apology, Lando jumps back in.

“Maybe you are right. I don’t think I can do this either. Not anymore.” He feels his stomach dropping as he says the words, not fully meaning them.

There is a long silence, moments where she wants to apologize, to try and reconcile. In that moment all of the good memories of their relationship come flashing back to her, as if her mind is begging her to do something. But she doesn’t. 

“Then I guess this is it.” She finally says. 

“I guess so.”

Part 2 out now!

[eddiediaaz]

hi guys, i am kind of ashamed and embarrassed to have to do this, but i figured it can't hurt to ask. basically i am really struggling right now (i know a lot of us are). i need financial help, so i set up a ko-fi page ☕

any kind of help would be so appreciated and i am so grateful for anyone taking the time to read this little post.

long story short: because of situations completely out of my control, i lost my job in vfx after almost 8 years and i am now forced to switch careers. i'm going back to school and can't find a part time job even tho i have been working non stop for 15 years. financial aid will only cover my rent, so i absolutely need to work 20 to 30 hours a week to cover the rest of my living expenses, but it's really hard to find a job. i am also currently over 10k cad in debt from my film school loans and credit cards.

signal boost would be appreciated, if you can 💕

my situation in more details under the cut for those who are curious

i was working in the vfx industry as a 2D compositor since 2016 (i have worked on over 40 films and tv shows), but in december of 2023 i lost my job due to the hollywood strikes (as expected, and as it should—i fully support the strikes). this was supposed to be temporary for a couple months where i could get unemployment benefits (only 45% of my usual salary though). unfortunately, on may 31st 2024, my government announced that they are significantly cutting the funding & tax credits for the vfx industry where i live. what does this mean? mass lay offs. thousands of canadians and other people in the world working in the industry are losing their career, including me. there will only be about 20% vfx jobs left where i live by 2025. vfx shops and production houses have already started to close doors here. i'm still mourning this career i have been working in for 8 years and loved, even tho it's been difficult and demanding at times (lots of overtime), but there are just no jobs right now (unless you are a senior vfx artist with decades of experience) and the future will only get more bleak. i could move abroad and follow the industry that is already moving somewhere else, but i don't want to do that on my own (i am already super lonely as it is!!) and i can't afford it.

my unemployment benefits will run out by the last week of september. in 4 weeks. i've been sending resumes everywhere, both online and in person, but i am just not getting anything in return. even tho i have over 15 years of experience working in various jobs and i have never been fired from anywhere. even tho my resume and cover letters are solid because they have been approved my professional counselors (a free service for people under 35 where i live). so much for they're hiring everywhere...

since my vfx compositing skills are very niche and not really applicable to much else, i decided to go back to school, taking college classes in the admin and excecutive assistant fields, since it's something that i think would be good for me and there are lots of jobs for that here. i will be getting some financial aid, but it's nowhere near enough to survive. it will only cover my rent, and that's because my rent is super cheap for my city. my college classes start on september 30 and i am excited for it, but also very stressed because i still don't have a part time job.

i've been living on my own with a small salary for over 10 years now, but it truly is the first time that i'm struggling this hard. i honestly don't have anything worth selling except some taylor swift perfumes, which i sold this week. i also have over 6k of credit debt and another 4.5k of school loans left to pay. at the bare minimum i will need about $1.000 CAD/month to cover my other bills and expenses after rent, hence why the need for a job ASAP. i am desperate and my mental health has been a huge mess. this is why i decided to open my ko-fi accounts. not that i'm expecting much, but anything can help, i think.

i don't have much to offer in exchange, except gifs? i'm wondering if (cheap, low price) gif commissions are a thing? i have no idea know, but i set up a poll on my ko-fi page to see if anyone would be interested.

thank you for reading if you've made it here, it's appreciated 💖

[calummss]

having a baby with marshall mathers/eminem

masterlist

headcanon includes timeline, pregnancy and after birth bullet points

for the purpose of this headcanon the baby is called romy

timeline

i imagine marshall to also be young in this universe — 24 years old, can barely keep a job down. you work multiple jobs to pull through college. becoming parents was the last thing on your mind

finding out you were pregnant was a shock; as much sex as you two had, you always made sure to be protected, so when you suddenly realised your period was late and took a pregnancy test your heart literally dopped

you literally dropped everything, crammed the test into your pockets and marched through the frosty detroit morning to the restaurant marshall was currently employed under and asked to see him

marshall assured you that whatever conclusion you came to would be right and would support you no matter what

that definitely was the biggest weight lifted off your shoulders—the reassurance that marshall would stick with you if you decided to keep the baby

it was definitely a tough decision and took you almost two weeks to completely make up your mind

you ofc decided to keep the baby (otherwise whats the point of this headcanon?)

marshall promised to that he would be by your side and support his new family

literally 5 seconds after you told him you wanted to keep the baby, he pulled out a ring and said ‘thank god cause this is just a good excuse to marry you’

and we all know that having a child in marriage is far easier (but marshall also loved you and would’ve married you anyways)

baby mathers would be born on december 25th aka christmas because it would just be the best christmas present

what it would include (during pregnancy)

i feel like marshall is the type to be extra careful with you; offering his arm or hand when walking down steps, not letting you carry heavy things, making sure you cannot be hurt in whatever it is you are doing. and if any of his friends did something harmless but he saw it as a danger, he would be so pissed off

i also think it’s very possible for him to call your unborn baby ‘baby mathers; little slim’ something sweet that builds a connection

i imagine marshall to be very helpful with things around the house or other things that need to be done but he’ll definitely be pissed a few times because even though he understands that you’re supposed to relax and take care of yourself and the baby, he feels an extra burden so maybe he snaps once or twice? he immediately apologises but it’s a lot for a man who constantly takes new jobs and tries to be the best husband and father

i 100% see him talking to your stomach. he’ll talk to his daughter, catch her up on life and what he’s doing

‘hello baby, it’s daddy. mommy only has a few months left before we finally get to meet you. don’t take too long though because mama is startin’ to get very tired. the doctor said that you’re due for christmas. now daddy isn’t one who belives in destiny but you my little lady are goin’ to be our little christmas present. daddy has no money right now and that makes him feel like a bum but he’ll work extra hard to give you everything you ever want… if you ever want a unicorn you just come and let daddy know, okay?’

i have this gut feeling that he tries to hide his feelings. during this time marshall is so overwhelmed. he’s happy to welcome his daughter, stressed because he doesn’t know how long his job will last and how much money he can put down. you’ll find him crying in the kitchen one night after you wake up and couldn’t feel him beside you. you let him cry alone knowing he needed alone time

marshall will try to honour your cravings and buy you anything you want. if he’s short on money or can’t leave he will ask deshaun to swing by (and shaun cannot say no to you)

the d12 group will 100% pledge allegiance to baby mathers!! like you just now that as soon as you hang out together they’re gonna talk about how baby mathers will be protected at all costs, no one’s gonna f*ck with her etc. it’s like they’re her bodyguards ready to get at anyone’s neck who would even dare take a wrong glance at her

marshall’s arm would drape over your stomach when you two sleep at night. his arm would go from lying on a flat surface to a montain but he didn’t seem to mind. it was a habit he picked up

when you get closer to your due date this man would be stressed!! i mean stressed! any call out (shit, fuck, no, yes, what, literally the list goes on and on) would have a panting marshall by your side in less than a few seconds. he’s just waiting for your water to break. he’s extra careful during the last weeks because at this point you’re also stressed and just want the pregnancy to be done with

so when your water does finally break you know the bag is packed and in less than 5 minutes you’re on your way to the hospital, i just know it

extra: during labour he’s so supportive: holding your hand, motivating you, but deep inside he’s so much more stressed than you are lmao

what it would include (after birth)

he would not be able to let go of her. any time you turn away and look back he’d have little romy in his arms, literally hearts in his eyes as he stares down at her

you both decided on breastfeeding but you bought formula so that he could feed her and seeing him holding her in his arms feeding her the bottle makes your heart skip a beat. it allowed him to be as close to her as you were during feedings

he is absolutely obsessed with her hands. he loves how her baby hand wraps around his finger, and when she’s older the feeling of her small hand in his as it engulfs hers

plus he loves carrying her. he just loves the closeness. he will carry his baby girl anywhere and everywhere

marshall would be so proud to show her off to his friends. and if she wasn’t with him he’d find any reason to talk about her. they could be talking about the best ways to make a drink and he’d just start rambling about baby romy. some of them playfully roll their eyes but understand where he’s coming from

he’ll definitely be overwhelmed the first months when she wakes up crying in the middle of the night because it just adds to the stress but will never openly complain about it. he toughens up and goes to her room to calm her down

he’d have an addiction with baby clothes and browsing around stores literally fighting himself wether or not he actually needs to buy certain things

he’ll only address his daughter as ‘baby’ to the point you tell him to start calling her romy because she’d probably start to believe that baby was her name

marshall would definitely beat himself up trying to live up to his own expectations as a father. having no father to look up to, he tries to do his daughter justice but feels like he fails her in certain moments. those moments similar to those during pregnancy, he would sit alone in the kitchen just thinking about how to make things right

he’d insist on bringing baby romy EVERYWHERE. this man cannot stay away from her for longer than a few hours. she’s his serotonin, his lifeline

he’d have a piggy bank for her where he would put a 1/4 of his pay into so that she would be able to buy things she wanted

romy (and you) would serve as his main inspiration for music and also motivate him to work hard to make it out of greensbriar

after his rise to fame, despite his busy work schedule, marshall tries to spend as much time with her as possible

he tries to do few shows so that he’s not away from her and you for too long

with the rise of fame, his income flooded in. marshall buys her almost everything she wants. not stuff she doesn’t need but a lot. he’s not spoiling her in the way you think. he just wants her to have everything he didn’t have and make her happy. and if buying her a fourth barbie doll makes his baby smile then he will buy her that fourth barbie doll!!

though romy serves as his drive and motivation and inspiration for many of his songs, he tries to keep her out of the spotlight and out of hollywood. as soon as he’s done recording, attending award shows etc. he’s back on a plane to detroit to see his baby the only lady he adores (see what i did? ofc you did.)

he’d just be such an amazing father which you remind him of every day. he still doubts a lot but he’s starting to know his impact on her life

also romy comes before anything else!! daddy-daughter-day at kindergarten? sorry dre but this recording will be postponed. tour dates fall onto romy’s first day of school? yeah that tour night ain’t happening—i think you get what i’m trying to say. nothing will stop him from experiencing milestones and important memories in her life and in his life as a father (learned what not to do from his father)

the older she gets the more sentimental he becomes. seeing his baby grow up makes him sad and proud at the same time. she’s not only his whole world but she is the reason for him breathing and continuing in life even if it seems that life doesn’t want him to win

you made romy a cd with all the songs dedicated or about her from her daddy so when she’s in her room playing with dolls whatever, his songs are on repeat and the sight of it could make him fall to his knees (metaphorically speaking)

when romy turns 4 and older she’ll randomly make him watch her self choreographed dances or sing along to his songs and you best believe he is smiling and clapping after EVERY performance his baby girl gives!! he’s her number 1 fan. he even encourages her to show his friends and you already now they’re hyping up their little lady

and when romy is 15, oh she’s gonna rap him some of his songs and he’ll have the same reaction. maybe even share the stage for one song? who knows?

marshall is known for his rap and not for his cooking for a reason but he has few recipes like pancakes or foods he grew up with that are staples and enjoys cooking them for romy (she has her dad’s tastebuds 100%)

when romy has nightmares he’ll let her sleep in your bed for as long as she needs to feel safe again (deep down he never wants his baby to leave)

[sunkissedchld]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒔 + 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒐𝒐𝒏

the piles go from top left to right. so, the coffee with heart shaped ice is pile i, the brown clouds are pile ii, and so on and so forth.

take the time to close your eyes, breathe, and meditate on the PAC prompt, then open your eyes and let your guides lead you to the pile for you. i hope you enjoy!

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Shufflemancy:

“Better In Color” by Lizzo

“Do It Like A Dude” by Jessie J

"Dolphin" by Oh My Girl

"Break Free" by Ariana Grande

Signs:

1:23, mixed race, water placement/dominance

Reading:

you may come from a more matriarchal family line, as it's mainly the women that speak clearly in this reading. the women in your family are typically powerful, well-spoken, straight-forward, fiery, and confident. the men may be the type to lay back and let the women lead because they know best if that makes sense.

the maternal line of your ancestors seem to be so proud of you. they think you're doing a good job of balancing everything you are dealing with. although you're doing well, they don't want you to slack off just because they let you know that you're doing well. if you keep working hard, your blessings will continue to reign in.

your paternal line seem to be somewhat like the traditonal father figure. they're more quiet and in the background. they may want to connect with you more, but you don't reach out or they don't know how to best approach you. they love how you seem to mimic the women in your family with your confidence and knowledge.

you might be coming out of a negative or stressful situation. maybe you were unorganized before or just recently went through a bad breakup. honestly, some things may still be hidden from you. do your shadow work, babe. that will also be helpful in your journey to getting what's for you.

you have a lot of good coming in soon! this could be partnerships and travel opportunities; you might even move to a different country. you may rekindle old flames soon. your commitment to doing well and succeeding will be a great assest as long as you keep it in check. don't become too greedy or prideful - this will bring about the opposite effects (more bad breakups, unwelcome change, etc).

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

“Left and Right” by Seventeen

“Rent” from Rent

"Better Off" by Ariana Grande

Signs:

rebellion, fire placements/dominance, ancestry.com, 23&me, teachers/teaching, civil rights, earth placements/dominance

Reading:

your ancestors are funny lmao. they also had a ton to say. you could connect with them easily because of their willingness to speak so freely. if you chose this pile, you might wanna do something like a family tree or figuring out your family line/ancestry. your ancestors might have been something like freedom fighters? they were the type to fight for justice and call out inequality when they saw it.

they're telling you to meditate and let go - which seems interesting because i initially felt them as very fiery people. it's like they're fiery but for specific reasons. they don't seem to be the revenge type in my opnion. you might feel as if you're in a stagnant point in your life. you might want more from what you're currently participating in. you want to go so fast and do so much, but your ancestors are telling you to be patient and wait. you're not ready - not yet.

this is gonna feel like a lecture, but you can't go out and do whatever it is you want to do simply because you feel like it. this is gonna sound weird, but you're not as important as you think you are. you need to learn how to serve others because right now, you're being very selfish. you're needed on this earth to help others; your goal in this life is to put others before yourself. you're not gonna receive anything until this selfish air of yours leaves.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

“Redbone” by Childish Gambino

“My Boo” by Usher and Alicia Keys

"Pick Up Your Feelings" by Jazmine Sullivan

"The Worst" by Jhene Aiko

"Focus" by H.E.R

"Do It" by Chloe x Halle

Signs:

latinx, taino, cuban, cuba, puerto rico, boricua, 3, 7, crown chakra, third eye

Reading:

the men in your family line might have been (and might still be) treated like children, or they or they usually die when they're still pretty young. both sides of your family are a force to reckon with. magic and spirituality may run deep. i think those that pick this pile may be latnix, so maybe practices like santería, voodoo, or hoodoo may already be prominent in your family.

you've been setting plans and intentions lately - expect to see a reward. interestingly, both the emperor and emperess came out during this reading! you are obviously on the right path in terms of bringing in a ton of abundance and also being stable for both yourself and your family (i have a feeling family is very important to people in this pile). although you feel like you're doing everything right you may actually feel as if this isn't what you're cut out for. you may be overwhelmed. i'm reminded of Luisa from Encanto. eventually these feelings will go away, but if you don't properly address them they will pop back up time and time again. your third eye and crown chakra may be blocked, and healing them may help you with what you're feeling right now.

this feeling of seemingly doing good but actually feeling as if everything is not right for you could also explain your love life instead of work/material/family life. maybe everything seems like it's going on the right path. you might've been together for a healthy amount of time, and the next step seems to be marriage or something more, but it's not really what you want, or a facade is being put on in order for the relationship to seem that way.

the best advice i can give for this pile is to follow your heart. take time for yourself in isolation and listen. listne to your heartbeat, your pulse, your thoughts, and/or nothing. just listen. then follow.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Shufflemancy:

“Song For You” by Avery Wilson

“Sorry, I Love You” by Stray Kids

"Dancing Like Butterfly Wings" by Ateez

"Lose Control" by Missy Elliott

"Celebrate" by Ateez

Signs:

youngest/only child, physical touch as a love language, newbie, noob, talkative, air/water placements or dominance

Reading:

your ancestors are cute. they seemed to be new to this whole magic/tarot thing. they had a lot they wanted say, but the cards seemed to stutter or come out all at once. they really wanted me to get to the point with this reading. they didn't even introduce themselves before saying new opportunities are coming in for you!

ace of sticks and death both came upright, and both of those cards indicate changes, transformations, and new opportunities coming in. i also think it's ironic that i'm writing about new things coming in a few hours before the new year. everything seems to be right in front of you. your spirit asteroid may be in a fire sign.. maybe leo? or maybe that's too bright. aquarius? libra? virgo? any of those imo.

interestingly, the hierophant came out twice from two different decks. your ancestors want you to lean on them. maybe the reason they seemed to be new to me is because they have a specific way of speaking through the cards that i'm not used to - it may be easier for you to understand them naturally (which makes sense because they're your ancestors - not mine lol). you may be the newbie in terms of magic/tarot and things of the like. i also sense that you could be the youngest person in your family or an only child. you could've been doted on a lot. as a result, you could be a little immature.

you might feel lonely or disconnected from family right now. your ancestors are wanting you to reach out to them personally because they can heal you from whatever is burdening you in relation to your family. the maternal side of your ancestors seem to want to comfort you specifically; your paternal side on the other hand wants to offer guidance. your anxiety will go away with their help, and material goodness will also usher in. go talk to them. also, if you felt drawn to pile ii, go read it. parts of it are for you.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"Be Blessed" by Yolanda Adams

"Just Be A Man About It" by Toni Braxton

"All Me" by Kehlani and Keyshia Cole

"Let It Burn" by Jazmine Sullivan

Signs:

reversals, rx, dad/daddy, father, manipulation, liar, jealousy, miss robinson, The Devil, earth/water placements or dominance

Reading:

this pile was both interesting and confusing because sooo many reversals came out. i'm talking 5+ more reversals at a time. maybe you're currently going through a confusing time in general and that's how the cards decided to manifest to show that.

your ancestors want to warn you of negative energy surrounding you. someone is manupilating you or lying to you. something is hidden from you. this could also be why the cards are reversed so much. they're yelling. someone is pretending to care for you and be your friend, but they are very much so not. at all. be careful of your surroundings and the company you keep.

you may want to lean on your paternal line during this time. they may provide wisdom on leadership and discerning between people's true intentions towards you. "father knows best" comes to mind with this pile.

the person manipulating you is a pathologicl liar, a con artist, and a person who is jealous of you. they want to take everything from you and bring you down to their level. if you know who this is, get rid of them immediately. if not, please try to be discerning or go into hermit mode to try and protect yourself. honestly, they may be using things like magic or hexes because of how obssessed and jealous of you they are. with the eight of knives, you will eventually get out of this situation, but it's kind of like quicksand. it'll feel like you're constantly sinking in, but you have to keep fighting.

in this reading, the story of Miss Robinson comes up. Miss Robinson was a rootworker who found out that another woman was speaking bad on her and putting people against her. Miss Robinson confronted the woman and told her that if she knew what was best for her, the woman would stop trying to steal her joy and spread negativity on her. the woman continued to do so anyways. a little less than a month later, the woman's only son died. Miss Robinson sat fanning herself with the obiturary, and the next day, the woman left.

this story of Miss Robinson will play out if this person keeps messing with you. i get the feeling that your ancestors have protected you beyond anyone else's control. they're not going to let this person ruin your joy. you will come out on top in the end. your success is the revenge.

additionally, there will be a partnership coming in! your manifestations may come true soon (january/february). this person will be caring, generous, and youthful. they might be younger than you. for some people who choose this pile, this person will be harmless. for others, this could be manipulator talked about for the majority of this pile. again, please be discerning.

i'm sorry i said almost nothing about you ancestral line, but they felt it was more important that i give you this message. i share what the cards and spirit give me, ya know? also, as i tried to save this, it almost didn't save/almost got deleted.. someone does not want you knowing this information. as said before, your ancestors aren't fooling with that energy.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"stranger in my house" by tamia valmont;

"deja vu" by ateez

"side effects" by stray kids

"the tortise and the hare" by stray kids

"victory song" by stray kids

Signs:

indie arie, ocean, water/air placements or dominance, church, grandma's hands by bill withers

Reading:

you maternal ancestors might've been the church mothers. if you know what that is, this pile is for you lmao. they helped everyone and were always giving people a shoulder to cry on.

you might be feeling depressed right now. maybe you're frustrated or misunderstood. you may be thinking of all you've missed out on, or you've been working so much that you're missing out on all the fun life has to offer. you might feel so worried about the future and have no idea what you'll be doing. relax and go with the flow for now.

although you feel underappreciated now, you will move up in life because of your work. expect internships, a degree, or even an upgrade in position. you will find your way after this period of negative thinking. don't worry about poverty or anything like that. you hardwork will be rewarded. you will come into the spotlight because of your efforts.

[crowleysgirl56]

The vast majority of people who work on a show are paid upfront for their labour

They don't get paid dependent on how successful a show is

They also don't do work that doesn't get paid- if they are working on a show that gets cancelled, they get paid for the work they did

All this 'stream GO for the hard workers behind the scenes' is bullshit

They work for companies are will be put on different projects

Just be honest that you want more GO (despite the message that it sends to studios- that audiences are ok with abusers! Just turn a blind eye to them! Yes that gives them more power but who cares because people will watch and make them money!)

Don't pretend your doing this for moral reasons

(And acting like you're doing this for Terry- for all we know he might want his work with an abuser completely destroyed- it's stupid to assume he'd want the series to be continued)

Like say this shit with your chest, you know?

Oh boy, ok. Gonna take a minute to answer this.

Firstly, I and a lot of the fandom, are heartbroken over what NG has done. Because we were duped into thinking he was a decent person. From the things that he wrote to the things that he said we thought that he was good person. And it is horrible that there are people out there suffering because yet another rich powerful white man decided he had the right to take advantage of them.

You seem rather angry and if that anger stems because you have experienced something similar yourself then I hope you have love and support around you so that you can heel.

If you want to talk about money, let me remind you that NG has already been paid for season 3. He will continue to get royalties, and thanks to the writers strike last year, he will now get more money for those royalties than before. If S3 doesn’t go ahead then hundreds of people will lose their jobs. Will they get other jobs? Sure, maybe. But any loss of job in this current economic climate is terrible and stressful (and I’m not talking about DT or MS here. They’ll get more work).

I don’t know if you understand how hyper fixation in neurodiversity works, but this is extremely painful for some people and takes a lot of time and energy and therapy to get over when a hyper fixation is threatened or taken away. Some people, like myself, need closure for things otherwise we can find it extremely difficult to move on emotionally. This obviously does not compare to someone trying to survive after SA, but emotional diversity can be extremely debilitating as well. They are apples and oranges to compare, but you can’t invalidate one person’s pain because you think another person’s pain is worth more.

As for the show itself, there is so little queer representation in media. There is a lot more nowadays compared to a decade ago, or even 5 years ago, but the little representation we have is so extremely important. Do you know how many people have found a truth to themselves thanks to GO? How many people discovered something about themselves that finally gives them answer to how they feel? How at the age of 40 I finally realised that I’m asexual and NOT BROKEN. That’s fucking important.

And this. ALL of this is why everyone, including me, are so fucking angry with NG. Because he has left us emotionally devastated. He has not just physically hurt these women. He has emotionally hurt hundreds of thousands of people. He is a stain.

I have spoken before when this all first happened about how I was angry that my one teeny tiny corner of the internet that made me happy was on fire. I left for a bit. I came back. I want to continue to interact with like minded people who love this fandom. I won’t stop that.

And frankly, and here’s the last I’ll say on this, the world is on fire. It is filled with a lot of fucking awful shit right now. I have suffered a very deep depression of late where some nights after I put the kids to bed I just stare and cry. You don’t know that about me because I don’t say those kinds of things on the internet, because our internet personas are facades. They’re not real. They’re not true life. I’m a real person and I’m aching inside about so many things. And these kinds of messages are just breaking me further. Seriously, when you send stuff like this do you even consider that?! So when I decide to hold onto one of the last bastions of entertainment that brings me joy, I’m not going to be guilted into dropping it because someone involved happens to be a monster. Because let me tell you if we did that every time someone turned out to be horrible, then we would never watch or enjoy anything ever again. EVERYTHING you watch or listen to or enjoy or like or cared about is connected to someone who is horrible or produced by a gigantic evil corporation (Nestle, Disney, Microsoft, Facebook, Google just to name a few). Every. Single. Thing. It’s the clothing you wear, the electronics you buy, the food you eat, the furniture in your house, and ALL the entertainment you consume. So if you gave up everything for some moral stance, then you would literally have nothing left.

Dropping Good Omens does nothing. It sends no message to anyone because the next really fucking awful person is about to produce the next big thing you might happen to love and care about. So what’s the point?

Let me have Good Omens. You don’t like that, then you can block me. That’s what the button is there for. You don’t need to send anonymous hateful messages. And if you want me to “say this shit with my chest” maybe you can send me an ask with the Anonymous off. So I can see your chest too.

I’m turning off anonymous asks now. Considering the only asks I’ve ever received is abusive shit telling me to kill myself or saying David Tennant is a paedophile or just telling me I’m a horrible person for supporting NG (when I’ve already stated before that I don’t anymore).

Sorry for those who’ve managed to get to the end here. Thanks for reading if you have, sorry it was so long. I hope you aren’t receiving the same type of messages. If Anonymous has read this far, I don’t know, maybe think twice before being horrible to random people on the internet?

[bettsfic]

Venting-

When I hear people give the advice that writing is never a waste of time if you’re having fun or you should never feel like a story was a waste of time, you should enjoy the process. This advice I believe is real and true and works for some writers. But at the same time, there are writers who are very stressed when writing and feel better about their work when it’s finished. Not the “I enjoy having written.” But the “I have crippling anxiety and can only tell if my time, effort, and semi-breakdowns were worth something if I complete what I set out to do.”

Not to diminish anyone who agrees or resonates with the first statement, I admire those people a lot and wish I was calm enough to feel the same.

in my years of teaching and coaching, i've noticed there are two kinds of writers: "process" writers and "product" writers. rather, there exists a spectrum from one to the other.

on the process side, you have writers who reach a flow state fairly easily, who can become immersed in a world or idea of their own invention, and they write in large part to seek that immersive state. the end of a project seems more like a tragedy than an achievement because it marks the loss of the immersive state, and it will take energy and discipline and happenstance to find the next. i've also noticed that it becomes harder rather than easier to find that state over time; the more projects you finish, the fewer ideas appeal to you in the same way.

conversely, product writers get to feel that sense of achievement upon completing a project that process writers may lack, and that pleasure is worth the pain and turmoil of the act of creating something. product writing takes a lot of strength, patience, and discipline i think, to do something hard for the reward of having done it. it's the difference between an athlete and a surgeon. a person becomes an athlete for love of the sport, the act of playing. winning is important, but they wouldn't be able to win without first finding joy in the game. a surgeon, on the other hand, probably doesn't get into the job for the fun of operating. the fulfillment is in the operation's success; it's hard work with high risk. but the reward of saving or improving lives is worth it.

admittedly as a process writer it's always been hard for me to wrap my head around product writers. not only do i not have the patience to seek a sense of achievement, i think i'm mostly incapable of relishing any reward at all unless the reward is in the pursuit itself. looking back, i can't think of any single moment i've ever felt a sense of success. but also i've always struggled with concepts like ambition and competition. i've never had any drive to win anything, but also i've never felt much when i lose or fail. sometimes i wish those things mattered more to me, because then i would be a more driven and decisive person, and i'd be more successful in my career.

i know i'm on the extreme end of the process-product divide, and that colors a lot of my perspective of teaching and mentoring. but i think writers can shift on the spectrum depending on where they're at in their writing life or even with whatever project they're working on. i've been trying to have a more product-based mentality recently to at least develop the skill of shifting to the other side when i need to, so that i can get the patience and focus to write a novel that is not just me plopping my heart onto the page and hoping somebody out there cares. product writers have an easier time convincing other people of the value of their story, because the value of the story is a big reason why they write it. a purely product writer, like the surgeon, writes something because they feel that thing needs to exist in the world. meanwhile the only way for a purely process writer to be professionally successful is to happen by sheer coincidence to find an immersive state that also crosses with the interests of the current market. like the athlete, success involves training, hard work, and being at the right place at the right time. sure, churning out 100k words in a couple months and having a blast while doing it is great, but it comes from this wild inner place that can't really be controlled; meanwhile product writers can take that wildness and intentionally shape it into something. when you're feeling jealous of the other side, though, it's important to remember that both the meadow and the garden are equally beautiful.

[bananaactivity]

JAY AND BEN REDSIGNNN

The Boyssss

I’m working on a Benjay tragic romance fic and I had to design them right quick.

I like themmmm I’m gonna do Mal and Evie next then I’ll have the core four finished. They are 21 and 22 respectively. Ben’s always the youngest in my eyes.

I’m not getting rid of the beard idc. I’m adding more scars to Jay next time I draw him because why does Chad have more scars then an isle gang member, and know that half of them are because of Harry.

They have one specific nickname for the other,

Jays is Jay Jay, and Ben is Dumbas- I mean Benji

Here’s some context for there tragic relationship:

Mal and Evie get together after the Sea VK Battle on Harry Hooks boats instead of Ben and Mal. Thus the core four minus Jay are nervous that Ben will retaliate to this by kicking them out of Auradon Uni and off Auradon as a whole. Ben meanwhile has been raised in such a way that he is absolutely terrified of being alone. Jay has just just had to grapple with the fact that he had feelings for Harry beyond a really intriguing rivalry and he can't act on that because of Harry and Umas relationship that was already a steady under current and bloomed even more during the VKs 1st year tenure at Auradon Uni. As well as dealing with all his friends slowly separating in college which is typical. So Ben and Jay are both dealing with feelings of abandonment and stress, neither of them want to think about that pain and would do anything to mask it. Jay is much better equipped to handle this enough to at least seem functional to his friends, but he's teetering on the edge. Jay ended up being the first person to speak with Ben ,who was an absolute wreck, after he stayed holed up in his very fancy prince dorm for many weeks. They already had good chemistry with one another prior and Ben comes onto Jay. It feels good to both, and it's doing what they want in regards to ignoring the bigger deeper issues at play. It's also a secret because obviously a heavily charged and unhealthy relationship like that would be heavily discouraged. Warning, this is not gonna end with a healthy relationship. Some feelings are real like they don't want to actively use and hurt each other, but the emotions at play and the rough start to the relationship DO NOT lay solid ground to foster a good long lasting relationship.

I’m also going to add one fic I wrote from Ben’s Perspective beware it’s not done:

Being a Prince was a tough job. There was so much pressure on him to be a great future king. One major aspect of that was his future spouse; his mother was always bothering him relentlessly on the topic as he grew up. “ Benjamin, Darling you must choose a good spouse, it is imperative to the people's perception of you.” his mother would often say. The constant narrative of “dont be alone” was always pressed on him so hard in fact that he couldn't bare the thought of being alone. It got so bad that that he went with the first present options of someone to court. It was stressful when he and Audrey were courting, the constant trailing during dates stressed him out as well as the media coverage analyzing their every move. Aubrey herself seemed more concerned with the respect that comes with being a queen. Nobody really liked her very much, but she was pretty and she was sweet during those first years. Unfortunately that all faded as the years went by and he felt there was no way out. He couldn't be alone. Then came Mal, she was beautiful and sweet. But she was hopelessly in love with her best friend and her best friend felt the same. It almost became this rush to him to wed her before she could leave and yet he felt so bad about it. He didn't want to be alone. But he pushed it and was alone anyway. The big ass walls in his dorm felt like a cage. What was he to do but sit in his room and cry. And he was alone, which he didn't want to be. Then Jay showed up. Jay handsome, good at Tourney, an excellent swords-man and his closest friend. Looking into his concerned brown eyes, he remembered leaping into his arms. There wasn't much conversation to be had as he was a bawling mess. All he could remember from that night was staring into those eyes for as long as he could and making a move that even he didn't expect. He kissed his best friend. And it felt good, really good. The best part of this situation was that the amazing feelings completely washed over the awful ones that led him to that very moment.Until Jay moved away, he was expressing concerns about the sudden atmosphere; yet he was into it. He had kissed him back and moved his face to kiss him again once they got over that little hurdle. The time spent felt… really nice. It was more intense than anything that had happened before for him. But maybe that was because he had thrown himself so totally into the sensations at play so that no semblance of sadness could worm their way back into his heart.

It was such a drug that they both implored to keep it up. He defended this continuous indulgence with the belief that it was allowing him to show his face on campus.Spending time suffocating in his fancy prince class: “ Kinging 101: The study of Class Disparity” waiting for the pleasant feeling of rough calloused hands pushing him into the corridor just near the lecture room. Every time he felt those hands he breathed a sigh of relief.

If you want to read more check out the pinned post on my blog which has 18 pages of my Descendants AU.

[weltenwellen]

Hello! I didn’t want to reblog your personal post so I came here to tell you that I relate to it so much.

I’m 27 and currently very scared to look for my first ever job, while my friends are years along in theirs and some are getting married. I don’t know if you’ve ever watched “Friends” but it feels very much like being Rachel, who at some point “was only getting coffee”. I rewatched it recently and it helped with that lack of compassion a bit - it was easier to feel it for someone else, but then it dawned on me how similar some situations were to my life. It made me feel better about myself and somehow also more hopeful.

So, I’m sending a virtual hug to you (if that’s ok) along with a reminder that 30 is young and we have entire lives ahead of us and I don’t think it will ever feel like we’ve learned enough. We can only keep going and try to approach the learning with excitement (if possible), even if it seems we might be behind.

I get that feeling. When was writing my master's thesis it was really hard for me to get motivated to finish it (due to there not being a deadline) but also I was dragging out the time where I had to apply for jobs. I was working always a bit while studying but I really started to panic because I could not imagine myself working in the field that I studied in for 5 years and I was also scared to get rejected from jobs if I did apply. I did not know what I liked, where I saw myself. It was really bad. But I did get a job and it did change me and I grew a lot as a person. I am also single and people around me seem to be more grown up than I do (at least that's what my inner critic is saying :)). They're having kinds, getting married or buying a house or even just dress more confidently and it makes me feel insecure and more isolated at times.

But as clique as it sounds, life is about being scared and showing up anyways. About writing your own stories and failing plenty. I feel like I fail plenty but I win and grow also all the time. It depends on which emotion I stand on when I look at the day or what I did or did not accomplish.

Me for example, I just got fired on Thursday because I also have a problem of keeping my mouth shut and keeping critique to myself. That post was about me not being professional enough or conformed enough and my boss got pissed at it. It feels like a relief because I was so stressed but it also it feels like my personal failure because the situation is due to both my boss and me (and also of course the work environment, the clients, a lack of communication etc.). But it really sucks right now and I feel the whole rainbow of anger, guilt, shame, fear and sadness right now. But things will get better again and in the grand scheme of things, this will not be as signifiant right now as it feels. It just does at the moment because I am feeling all these things and this job was very important to me.

I think what I just want to say with we're all fail at time but we also can celebrate our private victories a lot of times because both of them exist. That's life and that's the strength, for stuff to suck but still show up for yourself. I am trying to be compassionate with myself even though in all honesty I fail at it this year like 7 out of 10 times. But we still gotta try 🌻

[secretress]

❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: “𝐈 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭.”❞

What do you need to let go? 🍃

YouTube | Masterlist | Tips | Paid Readings

—18+ readings

Not a tarot card reading, only based on my intuition.

Divider

Pile 1:

Yourself.

Why do you need to let go of yourself? What made you come to this decision? Is it because you do not love yourself? Are you insecure of yourself? Do you assume that people will find you more attractive if you were social? What made you come to the decision, honestly.

Honestly, I don’t know why you would be insecure of yourself. I don’t know why you don’t even like yourself. The energy I feel about you is fantastic. I would love to be your friend. You have this type of energy where you include everyone but at the same time, you take care of yourself. That is a worthy quality, that does not make you selfish, and it certainly as heck does not make you rude or cruel.

Some of you have people in your life who called you a d//ck because you didn’t want to do something that they ask for. You’re not one, and you certainly deserve to be selfish. We are human beings. We have emotions, and we must take care of ourselves before others or else we will crumble into pieces and let ourselves drown.

I want you to let go of the things that do not define you; I want you to let go of the negativity people have associated you with that is not true. And I truly want you to understand that everyone is completely different, no one is the same, and you must cut off people who have said things like that, and expected things from you.

I hear that some of you might have been people pleasers because of trauma that happened during your childhood with a family member, especially a parent. I see an imagery of a young child, who is doing something they truly love, they’re drawing with crayons on a piece of paper, and though it doesn’t look the best, they decided to show their parent. But their parent reaction wasn’t what the child expected and the parent was harsh towards them, so the child felt like they weren’t worth it and their piece of work is pathetic. The child is running back into their room and I see ripped up pieces of paper of their artwork on the ground and I see them their face buried in their arms on the desk. They think about what the parents said to them and their energy is hurting, but they don’t cry.

My intuition says that this is basically how you feel, but this is also your inner child. Intuition tells me that you must heal your inner child. You must do the things that you like when you were a child before the stigma of people’s expectations attacked you. If you are able to divert what they have said to and about you that hurt your feelings and if you’re able to exchange that negativity into positivity, then you will endless opportunities for yourself and be able to heal your inner child and yourself in the process.

Pile 2:

Your job.

You need to let go of the job that you are currently working with because it is draining you. I feel such stressful energy coming from this pile. I can see that you’re working incredibly hard at this job but it’s not taking you anywhere, it is not growing you as a person. I see an imagery of you, typing very fast on a computer as it’s very dark outside with a blue hue (4-5 am), very stressed out, and trying to get the deadline.

One thing my intuition is telling me is that these people don’t even care about you. They want you to work and that is how they get paid. Also my intuition says, “you already have the idea of what you want to have as your occupation. You have these dreams and these aspirations that you want to take forth with, but you do not, out of fear. The fear that we have is something that we should not let it control us, it should not be a reminder to us that we cannot do something, it should be there so we can become more determined to fulfill our dreams and aspirations. You already know that you can do this, there is no need for you to worry and stress out so much.”

I hear from my intuition that you should not quit your job right now however, you should take into consideration that this is not what you want to do. Because you know what you want to do and I can feel that you know as well. You also have this vision, idea, and visualization of what you want to do—keep at it and I kid you not, you will have what you desire and you’ll have to work that draining job anymore.

Pile 3:

Your mom.

I’m hearing that this pile has a narcissistic mother and the person who is reading this has this feeling to forgive. I can feel that your mother makes you feel guilty for leaving her behind, not talking to her, and mostly, manipulating you into thinking she’s a good mother. She is not. The energy I’m feeling is making me anxious, it’s something that no one deserves and it is awful. The energy I channeled is how you feel with her.

My intuition says, “this is your mother, yes, however she is not an actual mother figure of yours. You have a family member in your life that you see as a mother, you have always seen them as a mother, even as a child when you think of questions associate with a mother, or you think of mothers, in general, you always think about this person. This person is good. This person has great energy. This person is very loving and they love you very much. Don’t go back to your mother, the toxicity that she has around you is.. it feels like drowning. She believes that she is the most important person in the whole world, that your feelings are irrelevant, that everything that you have done well is because of her, but not because of yourself. That is not true. All the good things that you have done is because of you, remember that.”

I hear some of you lost your father at a young age, and with your mother, it has gone worse because of that. I hear that she blames you for his death, even though it is not your fault. I also feel this sensation that you always have to take care of her even as a child. You were the mother figure for her, when she should have been your mother—now you have this tendency to take care of other people when it’s not necessary, not like people pleaser, but more as in like I will give you so much but I don’t expect anything at all because I don’t deserve it; it is not true at all. The way I see it, and the way that I see it, your energy is beautiful. I can see that you deserve so much more so you must stop prioritizing other people and your mother and you need to let go of them both and work on yourself.

[tarotwithavi]

What is coming for you soon?

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

How to choose a pile?

Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Kindly ask your spirit guides to show you the right pile for yourself and then open your eyes. Whichever pile catches your attention is the right pile for you.

Masterlist

Paid services

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

Pile 1

Expect a new job offer if you're unsatisfied with your current job.

If you have been feeling down lately expect to have a blasting time by yourself.

I'm seeing a new relationship. For some it is going to be a soulmate relationship .

If you like gothic things , I'm seeing that you're going to buy the things you have been searching for.

Someone you have been thinking about is going to come to you. This person may have disappointed you in the past.

I'm seeing the completion of a difficult cycle. Your health is going to improve in the next 30 days.

I'm also seeing an ending here but don't worry this is going to be for the best of you.

You may get invited to a wedding and let me tell you, you're going to have a grand time there.

People who have done you dirty are going to get their karma and they may come to you with an apology. It's up to you if you want to forgive them or not.

You're going to receive an unexpected present from someone. This present may be something you have always wanted.

Please help

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

Pile 2

Do you know you have been watched pile 2? A lot of people have their eyes one you.

You're going to shine in your work setting and people will start to recognize for who you ate.

If you have participated in a competition or something expect positive response. Either you'll top or people will recognize you even if you don't win.

A lot of people will come to you , they would want to be your friend but be careful not all of them will have good motives.

All your hard work is going to pay off in the next month and all your manifestations are going to come true.

You may feel burdened by all the responsibilities on your shoulder but don't worry everything is going to work out.

A new person is entering your life and they will bring you stability.

If your family has been going through financial issues, I'm seeing that your father's job/business is going to pay him more.

You may change places/home/schools and this change is going to be very sudden.

Exactly 10 days from when you read his pac, some good news will come to you.

Please help

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

Pile 3

You may get to meet your old friends. They are going to reach out to you soon.

I'm also seeing an end of a relationship/friendship that was toxic for you.

You're a magnet to good things right now my pile 3. Ask and you shall receive.

I'm also seeing an exciting event for you . Some of you may get invited to a certain event and you'll cherish the memories of this event forever.

I'm seeing that some of you may have been working on a project for a couple of months now, I'm am getting that you will achieve great success in it.

Someone may try to send you the evil eyes or is sending you right now. You are being told to protect yourself and your people.

One of your friends/someone in your circle is talking about you behind your back. This person is distrustful.

I'm getting that some of you may need to change your furniture or you might renovate your house/room.

Try to eat more vegetables and fruits because if don't get proper nutrition you may get sick in the upcoming days.

You may travel somewhere in the summer. This vacation will bring you balance and relax your mind.

Please help

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

Pile 4

If you have applied for a scholarship, you're going to receive the email soon and results will be in your favor.

You're being told to trust your intuition or gut feeling in regards to new people entering your life.

You will be guided by your guardian angels, no need to be so stressed out.

Someone might criticize your work, don't be mad at them try to understand why they are criticising you.

I'm seeing a huge physical glow up for you. People are going to be stunned by your beauty.

You might get a vision about the future. Don't ignore this message, it can help you in challenging times.

The efforts you're putting in your work is not enough for it to achieve the success you want it to. Increase your efforts a little.

Some people might try to bring you down because of their own insecurity, don't lower your standards because of them.

Don't sign any documents without reading through it first. Even if itst from someone you trust wholeheartedly.

If someone has betrayed you once, they'll betray you again when they get the chance to. DON'T EVER TRUST THEM AGAIN.

Wear more green to attract abundance. And take care of your feet.

Please help

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

[not-poignant]

Stupid question, but I remembered seeing you mention having monthly minimum wordcounts on one of your previous posts and I wanted to ask if you're a professional writer? Because at first I was like "that sounds so stressful"* and then I realized that it makes a lot more sense if you're doing it for a living.

*Also acknowledging that people are different from each other and what is stressful for one person might be productive and useful for another.

I am a professional writer!

My original serials are my job, basically, and they're supported by generous folks at Patreon and Ream. That, in turn, allows me to do this in a more professional and focused way, vs. say just as a hobbyist who doesn't update for 9 months at a time. It also lets me share my works for free, in a fandom friendly manner, which lets me keep doing something I love in a way I love to do it, but in a way which is like...I guess more reliable than you'd necessarily be if you were only doing it for fun.

I can instead pledge high fidelity/loyalty to my main serials through thick and thin (hence my wild author's notes), which means folks following WIPs get to know they'll be finished, and I get to enjoy doing this for a living! It's hard, but it's a good hard. Except for taxes.

As for my monthly minimum, that actually started as a way to break out of the very ableist 'you should write every day' (as a professional writer) which is literally impossible for me and my chronic illnesses. I sometimes have big chunks of time where I can't write, sometimes weeks! And where it would be unhealthy for me to make myself.

(More about my writing process beneath the Read More!)

Alongside that, I have quite severe dyscalculia (think dyslexia but with numbers and directions and left and right lol) so I can't keep a 'running wordcount' because the numbers confuse me too much. Luckily, because my writing life is defined by chapters completed (and not novels), I count the wordcount of every finished chapter only. Unfinished chapters don't count! My growing wordcount per month grows only when that draft is finished (my drafts are clean, so chapters only tend to grow or shrink by about 100-150 words per edit, so give or take it all evens out).

It's not how any other author I know does it, but it works so well for me that I've been doing it for nearly a decade now.

I started the monthly minimum (which currently is 25k words per month) because I tend towards being a workaholic, and so my therapist and I established a minimum not as an unreachable goal that's hard to meet, but as an easy goal that's generally effortless for me to reach in good months, and average months, and even many bad ones. After I hit 25k words per month, if I crash, feel burnt out, feel awful, or life gets Life-y in a bad way, I have permission to stop writing. I can just stop. Everything else is gravy. (Though secretly I always want to hit 30-35k but shhh).

When I hit 50k words, I also have to stop immediately and take a mandatory 3-5 day break from writing even if I want to keep writing. Because I don't know it yet, but I'm probably exhausted on at least some level, lol.

I didn't hit 50k at all last year and there is at least one therapist who would be really proud of me about that even though I feel kind of guilty about it, lol.

Here's an example of my tracking:

You can see the chapters I've written, which dates I've written them. They're colour coded, so I can see at a glance if I'm writing enough of a story or not. And then on the far right is an addition of every month's wordcount.

April was so low because I took an intentional writing holiday (which I'll be doing again ideally in March this year). December was so low because December sucks.

And then I erase it all at the end of the year and start again. The blank whiteboard is actually very motivating to write that first chapter because I always feel like I haven't done anything until then.

This whiteboard is two feet away from where I write quite literally, and is never moved etc. so I have a yearly tracker basically that's extremely visible (super helpful to my ADHD brain, because if I put this in a spreadsheet I'll stop updating it after 3 weeks and then forget it exists). The colour coding gives me dopamine, so does adding chapters.

Also acknowledging that people are different from each other and what is stressful for one person might be productive and useful for another.

This is true! This is actually the least stressful way of doing things for me.

That being said, anon, it's still super stressful. Being a serial writer is one of the most stressful things you do, because you have constant and never-ending deadlines for years. Novelists can kind of escape this, in a way, because they can't release novels as often as I release chapters. But I have to be mentally switched on at least 8 times a month, re: putting work out there, making sure it's at least semi-polished, making sure I let everyone know, and tracking responses because obviously, unlike a novel, if you lose interest you can't just "skip ahead" you simply lose your readers. A lot of novelists couldn't live or work this way, a) because they couldn't write a hooky serial and b) because many realise that having to update all the time is really exhausting actually. There's a kind of social labour to updating a serial, and getting it Right every single time. One of my greatest fears that I have nightmares about

Serial writing is the most stressful kind of writing I've ever done (and I've done a few different kinds), I just happen to like the adrenaline rush of this kind of writing, and I happen to work well under a controlled level of stress! I know that, because I've been doing this for over 10 years, refining it, figuring out how to make it healthier (it was really unhealthy at first), getting better at it, figuring out my weak points (some of them are still weak points) etc. I actually think I'm pretty good at it now!

I'm also getting better at not thinking my entire career is over if I take 2 weeks off.

I went from being entirely dependent on a Disability Pension, and like, sometimes having to skip meals and doctor's appointments and even medication due to money issues (the Disability Pension is ironically not enough if you have mental health issues because our subsidised healthcare doesn't cover mental health adequately and Australia has no food stamps system), to being able to live a bit more freely and support my chronic health stuff a bit more because of writing this way!

For the first time ever through these stories I was able to afford a psychiatrist, and a few other things I really desperately have needed since I was a teenager. So being able to write like this, even when it's really hard and I'm really tired, feels still like a miracle to me. I've never been well or healthy enough to work a full-time job with typical 9-5 hours, and always kind of was stuck imagining a life where I'm just...never knowing how to afford certain things, to being in a position where I'm fairly confident I can get my meds every month, or pay for my dog's pet food, etc. It's really nice.

But yeah honestly serial writing is the most stressful form of serial writing there is as soon as you lock it in as a professional job where you must meet nearly 10 deadlines every month and you happen to have pretty intense ADHD so deadlines make you scream a little.

Sometimes what is extremely stressful and sometimes even distressing for someone is also extremely productive and rewarding for them too. We probably wouldn't have a lot of emergency surgeons if that were the bar for how we decide what we do!

[thejockout]

New File Time! | Team Player (BONUS RELEASE)

(LET ME STRESS that you should read this description carefully. Don't worry - this isn't taking the slot of a "standard" release because it's so, incredibly niche. But for those of you who'll like it, I think you'll really like it. I made a poll about this ages ago on Tumblr and people expressed interest in it, soooo here it is! )

Right. Moving on. This is probably the weirdest thing I've actually released - it was a commission for someone who, basically, wanted a file that would help them get some kinky enjoyment out of work + help them fit in better with their masculine coworkers. It's very much a "becoming one of The Guys at work" file basically. You'll be influenced by and attracted to your coworker's masculinity (very fitting if you're in a field with a Corporate Bro culture) and want to fit in with them, so you'll subtly change to be a better team player by matching them. Understand the title now?

However, there's also some kinky incentive to work hard, achieve your goals, and etc. There's almost an element of "dronification" as being of service to The Company brings pleasure, which can double as a means to help you feel less stressed and crappy about your workload. Instead you'll take a strange... even arousing... fulfilment from being a good Team Player and getting your job done. And hey, with any luck, no one will notice how hard it makes you.

The thumbnail also took me like 25-30 minutes so you're welcome. Not because it's good, but because I stuck with it... and then a friend had to bail me out and fix it BUT I STILL PUT TIME IN OKAY.

CONTENT WARNINGS:

Masculinization - you'll absorb/learn masculine traits from your coworkers and begin to embody tem, so that you can fit in better with them. Elements of peer pressure here.

Trigger installation; workwear, suits, etc - these garments will arouse you, stimulating you to do your best and be the best man and Team Player you can be.

Installation of a work/productivity kink - you'll begin to find achieving your aims/goals/quotas etc. to be a pleasurable, almost erotic activity at times, with safeties to make sure it's not going to get you in trouble at work.

Implication of submission to company hierarchy, which will then bring pleasure - this is where the Team Player element kicks in. The phrase is used as a trigger to inspire feelings of company loyalty, masculinity, and chill around your work to make it more fun for you.

General workplace productivity/calm suggestions - finally, there's also just a plain Safe-For-Work (get it??) element to the file where you'll be encouraged to avoid workplace drama, but assert yourself as needed... keep your head down and get your shit done till clock-out, when you'll wanna hang with your coworkers to build team morale. After all, that's what a good Team Player would do!

--------------------------------------------------------- https://linktr.ee/jockout When I'm not dropping myself or others, I'm off being a mystical forest bro in the wilderness of Ireland. But I am always available for commissions if you reach out via DM. My flat rate is currently $65-100, but you can check my pinned Tumblr post for more up-to-date info. You can also support me with a one-time tip either via Paypal or Ko-Fi! Keep listening, bros.

[turtlesandfrogs]

So, here's the problem: the longer I work in gardening and landscaping, the more I care about the ecological impacts of native plants, and the less I care about aesthetics. Which is a problem, when most clients' primary concern is that their yard looks nice. Which, fair, I just don't care as much about it as they do and I feel like I could be making a bigger impact than I currently am.

So I'm thinking of quitting this job and going one of two entirely different directions, and for some reason it's rather hard to choose.

Option A is starting my own native plant nursery, which would focus on small (4 inch and gallon pot sized) native plants, with a focus on plants that are most important for native pollinators (especially those that are endangered or threatened where I am). There's some competition, but mostly at selling-to-landscapers level and not retail, and I'd want to focus on retail sales.

Option B is to get a job with the state doing some kind of ecological restoration work. The problem with that is my bachelor's degree is over a decade old and I don't actually have the kind of experience to put on my resume that would likely convince them that I can do the work (unless a combination of teaching and being self-employed as a gardener that helps people incorporate native plants and removes invasive species counts, which maybe?). So I'd probably have to take a lower level job and one that's further away to get in, and then work my way up.

Option A has the upsides of: completely setting my own schedule, getting to work with plants most of the time, getting to work with my partner, flexibility to decide I want to start teaching classes again or something. It has the down sides of having to do taxes multiple times per year, and not being guaranteed to work, and either needing to take out a business loan to get started or work at a day job to fund starting it up. Also if it fails I'll have to get another job without have professional references again, which yikes.

Option B has the upside of once you're in state work, it's way easier to get other state jobs so if I burn out of one job, I can hop to another relatively easily, will almost certainly make more money, comes with health insurance and retirement savings, and is likely the more stable option. On the down side, it would mean working 40 hours a week without getting to pick my schedule and it would be harder to take time off than it is now, I'll have to work my way up to a comfortable salary, and there's a lot less autonomy than when self employed. But I'll also have professional references out the wazoo, so finding new jobs should be easier?

One of the things that concerns me is I have ADHD and up until teaching, the longest I ever stayed in one job was almost 2 years. I taught for 4 years, then was self-employed as a gardener for 4 years, and now I've worked for this landscaping company for just over a year (and am grumpy about a) not making much money and b) aesthetics and only providing services to people who can afford us, rather than say, improving the environment for everyone). So I'm actually kinda afraid that if I started the native plant nursery, I would get sick of it after less than 5 years and be starting from scratch again. Whereas with a state job, I can pop over to a new job fairly easily. On the other hand, maybe I'm just doubting myself too much because all of those other jobs were actually really bad matches for me.

Anyway, my brain is going in circles over this. I mean, really, part of me thinks I should stay at this job even though it doesn't pay much compared to what I could make elsewhere (I have learned a lot though, which can be transfered to other jobs) just because it's so low stress compared to any other job I've had in the last decade & because the people are great and the work isn't bad. It just galls me that occasionally clients have ideas that I strongly disagree with, like cutting down a very nice magnolia tree because "it's too big" and I just have to do it because I'm an employee now. Ugh.

[waltwhitmansbeard]

so i just read a post explaining why the op (and, according to the op, a lot of other people, even tho the post in question only had 32 notes, some of which were from people who disagreed with them) didn't like the cut to the crown keepers in last week's episode. while i'm totally on board with people not jibing with stuff that just doesn't work for them, i wanted offer some reasons why this seemingly hard pivot to people who are not the main characters of the story being told was a good decision to make (note good decision, not inherently the best decision, which i believe no one, including the dm, at a ttrpg table should ever be expected to make).

matt had an extremely powerful, extremely unexpected character decision dropped in his lap in the final moments of the previous episode. we don't know exactly how much time matt has between recordings, maybe a full week, maybe not, but either way, there's a very real chance that matt just did not have enough time to fully prepare a session to deal with fcg's death and what comes next.

sam now has to create a new character that a) is of a level with the rest of the party and b) makes narrative sense for him to be there. that takes time for both him and matt, and they might just need some space to work on that. when laudna died, marisha was willing to sit away from the table for several weeks because she knew that she wanted laudna to be resurrected, but sam may not want the same thing, and that's okay!

matt may want to fold the crown keepers into his main story, some or all of them—particularly dorian, whom both liam and the fans have been asking to return for a while now. dorian is clearly important to orym and the story that liam is trying to tell, and bringing the crown keepers in may be matt's way to do that.

matt—and dms generally—has always had to straddle a very fine line of making sure that his players are the main characters of their story who feel like their actions have real consequences and effects on the world, while also understanding that in reality, it doesn't make sense for half a dozen chucklefucks to have such an outsized effect on major cosmological goings-on like *checks notes* the potential release of a god-eater. this becomes especially true when you're on your third campaign set in the same world, and your players' previous ultra-powerful pcs are still around and definitely more adept and connected than their current pcs are. i, personally, think matt does a great job at walking that line, and one of the things he does that i appreciate is that he doesn't shy away from the fact that a) his players are powerful but not the most powerful and b) his players aren't the only one who care about what's going on in the world and who are taking actions to effect change. the current plotline re: ruidus is absolutely world-shaking and is causing all the divine girlies to cower in their demiplanes, so of course even the evil ones are going to be calling on their champions to help out. it makes more sense for opal to be involved (which, btw, matt has been hinting at for a while now) than not.

matt might need a fucking break! he's been doing this consistently for nine years now, and shit is complicated! handing over the reins to aabria for a week or two or three may be what he needs to not get burnt out.

dnd is an emotional game, and the entire cast might have been rocked hard by fcg's death. some space away for a week or two could help them process and regroup to get back into a story that is otherwise very stressful and action-packed.

or it's none of these! what do i know! i'm a random idiot on the internet! matt doesn't consult me on these matters! (though my dms are open if he wants to chat, i do have ideas)

i think it's tempting to think of the decisions made in and around critical role (or any ttrpg show) like those made for a television series, because the episodes are serialized and we love them so much. but this show is, first and foremost, a group of friends playing a game together, and not a carefully constructed narrative with the primary goal of entertaining an audience. the audience always has been and, frankly, always should be second to the wishes and fun of the people around that table. matt would not have asked aabria to step in and dm a crown keepers side arc if he didn't think it was a good decision for him and his players, and that priority is the correct one. we are being invited in to watch these friends have fun together, and that's a privilege that we're super lucky to have. as long as the cr story isn't doing things that are outright abusive or harmful to the cast or the audience, i don't think we should begrudge them the choices they make in the name of their own game.

again, it's okay if you're not vibing with the crown keepers! i didn't love the aeor arc of c2! not everything is for everyone! but i think accusing matt and the cast of narrative malfeasance is a bit much when, tbqh, they don't answer to us. they answer to each other.