#INA GOOD WAY I LOVE IG

[ambcass]

can you do cobra kai characters with a cheerleader gf reader??

should be studying but...

a/n: im deadass ab to passout bru but wtvr i havent posted ina while ig... inbox is open btw :3 also this is not proof read D:

SPECIAL TAGS TO: @yippeeyoppee AND @humilityshown

ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴ ᴡɪʟʟ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇ:

ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴄʀᴜꜱʜɪɴɢ: ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴄᴏɴꜰᴇꜱꜱᴇᴅ: ʀᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴ:

Miguel! tried to make it obvious that he liked Reader but she mistook his feelings for friendship. Poor baby got friend-zoned so many times because of how obvious Reader was:( One time, Miguel bought Reader followers (specifically roses) before their school's rally and Reader told him what of a supportive friend he was. But he didn't give up. He tried his hardest to let Reader know that he liked her, regardless if she felt the same way back, he would have gotten the message sent out. Reader did her fair share of kindness though. When she can, she'd go to the dojo Miguel is in and cheer him on like it was just practice.

Reader was so relieved when Miguel expressed his feelings towards her. She always thought that he was just being nice and that his actions shouldn't get into her head. Miguel brought her a basket he made with all the things she liked (candy, stuffed animals, drinks, etc.) and a lego flower bouquet.

Miguel! always goes to Reader's rallies to cheer her on. After the rallies, he would praise her on how good she did and how she should consider doing karate with him. He's scared that she'll get hurt but he knows that she can do it.

Eli! first laid eyes on Reader when the cheer squad was practicing after school. He saw a cute girl land a cartwheel with a smile and knew he was in love. He was just "Eli" when he met Reader but as soon as he turned into "Hawk" he automatically turned into a cocky bastard. He grew closer with her and always tried impressing Reader with his Karate moves but she wasn't always impressed. Many girls had a thing for Eli and tried making a move with him but it never worked. He would always find a way to sneak you back into his conversations.

Eli! confessed to you when the two of them were at a party and he was so drunk he just started talking random shit. Reader couldn't care less about what he was saying until her name was brought up. She took out her phone and started recording whatever he was about to say.

"Reader is the girl I have a crush on. Don't tell her though...I'm just so jealous of those ass jocks that she has to cheer for. She's so pretty, smart, and independent. Gosh, I wish she was mine."

Eli! had a smug look on his face but reeked of alcohol. Reader smiled and flicked Eli's forehead, telling him to go to sleep. He replied with "Yes, ma'am" and did as told. She kissed him on the forehead and slept beside him. When the both of them woke up, Reader showed Eli the recording and asked him if there was anything he would like to tell her. He was so shy but he was able to admit his feelings for her. The two then shared a passionate kiss and cuddled for a long time before someone told them to get off the couch. Hey, they were still at a party after all.

Eli! always asks Reader to accompany him to parties. Not only does that keep the unwanted girls away from Eli, but he feels he's safe when he's keeping Reader safe. Plus he wants to have fun with his girl, maybe have a drink or two. The only thing he absolutely hates is when older guys, guys that aren't even in high school anymore, try to hit on Reader like she doesn't have a boyfriend that is ready to kick ass with her. Otherwise, Eli wouldn't ask any girl in the world to party with him but his one and only girlfriend.

Robby! didn't think he would have a chance with her. Due to his financial and overall living conditions, he didn't think it was possible. Reader was just too popular for him. Any interactions with her would result in Robby trying to hide his feelings but he fails every time with the pink shade that appears on his cheeks and that soft smile he always gives Reader when he talks to her is all it'll take to make Reader realize that he wants to be more than friends with her.

Robby! asked Reader to be his girlfriend in the most romantic way possible. He got tips from Daniel and TRUST me when I say that they worked. Which really surprised Reader since how closed off Robby usually was Robby and Reader were hanging out during the Fourth of July at a park waiting for the fireworks show to start. He brought chips, sodas, and a handwritten note. A few seconds before the show started, he handed the note to her and asked her to open it. The note read, "Roses are red. Violets are blue. The sky is beautiful but not as beautiful as you". As she read the note, the fireworks started to bang. She looked at Robby with so much awe as he asked, "Reader, may I please be your boyfriend?" She cupped his face and Robby leaned in for a kiss. A kiss under the fireworks.

Reader doesn't mind at all that Robby doesn't take her to big fancy dates. In fact, she prefers small dates instead of big ones such as crafting, picnics, or even hanging in his house. Well, his mom's house. The second you two hang out in Johnny's small ass apartment, then Johnny would burst into the room while handing Robby a condom and asking him to stay safe. Reader can't stop laughing every time this happens. Robby is just annoyed that his dad thinks he would do sexual activities in his house.

"Better safe than sorry" Johnny threw a condom packet at Robby and closed the door shut. Robby's face turned red and threw the condom in the trash. Reader was just there cackling non-stop while Robby seemed like he didn't want to talk to his dad ever again.

Demetri! like Robby didn't think that Reader would ever like him back at all. His little phase with Yasmine faded quickly when he found out what a bitch Yasmine was to literally everyone (pls pretend that this is canon). He was just a nerdy lanky freak who hung out with the "boy with the lip" who later left him just to be cool. Reader was there for Demetri when Eli left him. She wanted him to be beside her at all times. Reader invited Demetri to watch her practice. When he does come, he would sit on the bleachers reading comics or doing homework. Anytime he sees a couple in the comic book he's reading, he would imagine that it's you two together, fighting crime. (or wtvr they're doing)

Demetri! is a shy baby and was practically clueless about how to ask Reader out. He thought of everything but he was either doing too little or too much. He didn't want her to think he was a loser geek that everyone made fun of. He wanted to be more than that. More than what everyone pictures him to be. His confession was simple. He slid a note into your locker stating that you should meet him after school, in the fields for something.

Once reader got there, she was in her cheer uniform and holding her silly pom poms. Demetri looked down at her with a deep blush and it was easy to make out that he was sweating. Demetri couldn't get his words out but before he was able to make words out, Reader cut him off,

"Would you like to go out sometime?" She asked him. A shocked expression appeared on his face. "Uhm sure, ya'know I was gonna ask you that". He was smiling hard, like really hard. Reader chuckled and held out her hand. "Well Demetri, care to accompany me in practice," she said in an old-fashioned tone. He held her hand in response, "Why yes Reader, I would love to" he raised his brow and the two laughed it off walking back to the gym.

People didn't get why Reader would date someone like Demteri but she didn't care. Any time he came back from Comic-Con and bought something back for her, she'd wear it to school. Her friends would look at her funny and ask "Why would you wear nerdy shit like that? You look like a geek" but Reader wouldn't care and that's what Demetri loved about her the most. Just because she was popular, it didn't mean that she couldn't be herself around her friends. Demetri loved teaching Reader nerdy things about him, such as the difference between DC and Marvel, which animes were "peak", and board games to play. Sometimes Reader would try to teach him how to do stunts but that obviously results him into ripping his pants.

[shehungthemoon]

Just dumping my Ina Paha thoughts here. 🙃

First of all I did NOT know it was the 100th episode going into this, so i was very confused watching the montage at the end lol

I also had to click out and make sure I didn't click the wrong episode when the Pilot started playing at the beginning. When I heard Danny's voice on the phone instead of Hesse's I swear I got whiplash

It's filmed so well (bar where they reshot the pilot where Steve gets Danny on the phone instead of a dead dad, in which they literally forgot to put the same filter over the scene to make the stitching coherent) and I absolutely love the camera work they did with the white-room and the video projections. It felt very much a level above normal network television cinematography, especially the parts where Steve's going in and out of the hallucinations.

Steve finally FINALLY killing Wo-Fat was so cathartic, it should have happened ages ago but I'm willing to look past all the dumb ways he survived just to allow this incredible ending to his story.

Ina Paha gave me Kono doing... this. I owe Grace Park my whole life. Pls costuming department put her in hot pink again 💗

yes, it was a Steve episode. but Danny REALLY shone, first as the only resident Actual Detective figuring out what happened to Steve by the tire-tracks, rampaging through the compound steadily and efficiently and knocking people off without a pause, and then in Steve's mind shooting Hesse's kneecaps off?!?!?! That was CRAZY and probably not suppose to be as hot as it was and definitely made me want an ex-mobster AU immediately. Basically I have a competency kink and really like badass!danny shit 😊

Seeing Chin's long hair again made me swoon

My jaw dropped when I saw Jenna! I think it's really interesting that Steve still thinks of her so much, and I was surprised that she showed up in both the actual dreams and the montage. I definitely underestimated how much she impacted Steve's life, it seems, and I hate that we'll never hear him address that and we'll only know about it inadvertently like this.

(hand over the heart for how lori got like. one team shot. poor girlie.)

⭐I took the montage at the end as being flashbacks and memories that Steve was having as he left the compound. Looking at it through that lens certainly makes one unwell.

Obligatory squeal for Adam appearing just to save the day :))) look below to see the love of my life! :)))))) ⬇⬇⬇

Of course, the obligatory mcdanno bullet(s). It writes itself! The way Danny said Steve's name so small and broken when he found him. The way they look at each other on the ground, the pain their faces. I need an official apology statement from Scott and Alex for it. Can we talk about what flashes by during the montage at the end? (IMO it being Steve's memories.) So much Danny.

The first thing is Danny and Steve's first meeting. Jfc. The showrunners milk it SO MUCH and who's complaining

The big, rocking hug. The hands clasping underground. Gracie of course. And then Danny collapsing from the bioweapon, which to be honest I was NOT expecting to see at all--it felt like a genuinely strange choice to include in there and it really ONLY makes sense if you go along with all that being what Steve's remembering. Even then, I was surprised to see it, so basically this is Hawaii Five-Oh making mcdanno gayer than even I was wanting them to be. Steve still thinks about that? From so long ago? Even with so many other close calls in between then and now? Good fucking lord ok then loverboy that's WILD. Canon accepted ig this show is just pure whump.

Danny goes through all of this just days after losing his brother and killing Reyes. JFC can we please address that. I need a 30k introspection fic to let me into this man's mind rn.

The Wo Fat v.s. Steve fight at the end was INCREDIBLE. I would love to give the choreographer's hand a shake, it's some of the best work I've seen on television in a long time. It was impressive for a procedural like this. It was long and physical and you truly didn't know what the outcome was going to be; it everything that their built-up relationship deserved for a conclusion. It also happening with a Steve coming off of hours of torture and drugging was crazy (guess we finally know who would win a PVP if they were both at full strength!). That being said I was really impressed with Wo Fat's capabilities and physical prowess, I was not expecting it to be so even and close to the line. I actually jumped when Steve LIFTED him up into the lighting fixture. We do not talk about Steve's (Alex's???) raw upper-body strength enough.

Anyway. Electricity in the water play. The physicality hell that this gif below is ⬇. Fire extinguishers and loaded needles. Crazy martial arts. Chair and buckets (holy shit did y'all see the force with which Wo Fat SHOT that bucket?????) flying. All's fair. I loved it.

The shot going right through the forehead, clean. I don't know how to put into words why that's so monumental to me but it is.

The mystery bad lady was SO intriguing, I wish we got more from her... How does she know Wo Fat? Why was she entrusted with all that information on him and Steve and especially Doris? Absolutely where did she come from, what was her name? Why did I have a huge huge hot crush on her? All important questions. (Goes to show that h50 CAN give us some more genuine badass, not just there to date someone women characters, just explicitly choose not to. I'm holding out for Ellie to remain platonic so hard right now.)

Almost forgot Danny in that black Hawaiian shirt. Will be whimpering over that image forever. The whole episode I was trying to focus on the underlining betrayal mystery they were laying out but every time my brain started working too hard Scott with his stupid waist and those flower patterns just started flashing into my head

Again, are you seeing this:

I'm unwell and so so happy.

H50 you're a gem when you want to be.

[jiminparks]

JUNGKOOKS BLACK HAIR

[crazygaysex]

incomprehensible conjecture and rambling about sunny/rcg under the cut! idk man I got 1 hour of sleep in the past 24 or wataver and my brain is an abandoned swamp Good Nigte

i certainly am not arguing that mac Absolutely Isnt a stereotype of a predatory gay man/self-hating homophobe or whatevr. i wont argue the homophobe one at all really,not great even if they rectified it and further tried to make up for it or whatever w mac finds his pride (which i love, regardless). but honestly i dont think the predatory complaint really makes a whole lot of legitimate sense considering every charatcer on the show is Extremely predatory in their own right. if he wasnt i’d be irritated to be honest. i do agree w wat mcelhenney said something like that its cool that they decided to acknowledge he was gay without changing him fundamentally as a person; he still needs to fit into the show or watever. like idk he’s not Ideal Gay Rep ofc but he’s awesome still. To Me. I like when character’s sexuality can be an improtant acknowledged facet of them but doesnt overtake the rest of te narrative! It never occurred to me that his behavior toward dennis would be seen as predatory ina stereotypical way seeing as how their relationship dynamic is so fckign bizarre. charlie has the same level of dogged cluelessness about the obj of his affection’s true feelings, so it didnt occur to me to see mac touching dennis’ knee or stuff of that variety as being any different ig or as making fun of queers or watevr. if i am wrong/misunderstanding i apologize. i have never considered mac from that perspective before.

honestly i kinda get the complaints. i’ve never rly thought rcg all have 10000% pure intentions with the insensitive kind of humor they are into, no matter their loophole justifications for shit. sometimes i almost believe their reasoning and do basically understand but it still seems flimsy when you considers stuff like the blackface stuff which is indeed kind of funny at times mainly bc the joke is the absurdity of it all, like mac in the shower with the brown dripping off him like he’s melting; it’s not funny at the expense of black ppl but more so at the expense of how goddam stupid and unaware mac is. i havent seen the blackface/brownface ones in years sos i dont have a whole lot to say excepe they seemed to be clearly against using blackface as the moral while still using it to get laughs. so. really honestly i don’t know that it’s Liderally Ever edgy white people’s call to use something like blackface regardless of context, regardless of their obvious intent? i dunno i have tried to find Black ppls opinions online a couple times but struggled to find any tangible results. the only other thing i have to say with ym white person words is that i think it’s stupid that the streamig companies take down all insensitive episodes like theyre trying to brush them under the rug and pretend it never happened in wake of a changing political climate. i get it, but kinda just seems like corporate scrambling ie disney getting ridof all of song of the south but still profiting from splash mountain eprhaps. something seems dodgy to me about pretending it doesnt exist anymore just to cover their asses. i understand the sentiment i guess but i dont think that’s really the main goal of the BLM movement, to purge streaming services of any questionable/racially insensitive/Fully Racist material; there’s surely more important things at the top of the lists besids Good Branding . im not sure if that makes sense

also a lot of episodes the joke is the blatant but somehow woefully oblivious homoerotic overtones present between the guys, like a Lot of the time. it is very funny though is the thing and a lot of thm are my favorites. i dunno. i also thought hte pooping transgender bit was pretty funny mainly cause it was absurd. i think maybe because i have my own what i think are reaosnable and empathetic views about certain stuff like queer shit it doesnt necessarily occur to me that they are trying to make fun of queer people.. like people make fun of conservative fans for having completely missed the point of it all being satire, and wat if i am being tricked to into assuming rcg has kind intentions and isnt trying to make fun of queer people just cause the thought didnt occur to me? instead of taking all the gay subtext serious- WHICh i Do, i should probably be more aware that to rcg it is just a bit and not really that deep. but mac and dennis were totally fucjing in s5 canonically. anwyays like aside from the carmen shit which is handled So Fuckign Bad and it makes me so upset cause i actually love carmen they were just very clearly not bothered with actually representing trans people accurately. so in the bathroom one if even fuckin dee reynolds is like, saying a trans woman in a woman’s bathroom is obviously normal.. it seems like they’d rectified some of their previous Very flawed rhetoric surrounding trans women (ie the whole “u slept with me when i was still a man” line. makes me cringe a bit ebery time)u get wat i mean?? not that it atones for it obviously. i love carmen she desreved better

butreallt i dont have any like. Pure Faith in rcg to be super accountable or honest about their intentions or to have the most accurate or agreeable beliefs or whataver. theyre just fucking about really because they can without any lashback. and people i think like being able to laugh at offensive shit thru scenarios which supposedly distance you from bigots/evil people and make u feel better about yourself watching these dumbass evil people talk slime. when like. glenn yelling supposedly arabic-sounding gibberish for example: it is funny in this context not just cause it’s wildly inappropriate and absurd but also because there’s prob significant amt of people who actually dont have an issue with it who could watch it and not have that takeaway whatsoever. i dont kno wt im talking about anymore btu honestly if youre trying to watch a show that isnt rife throughout with controversial/offensive/insensitive language and story beats, i dont know why you would try to stomach it with sunny. like for gods sake they used blackface more than once! i dunno man

[fureliselost]

VLD REWATCH s8e4-7

these

don't look like they're fading, don't look like they'r ever going away, they ain't ever gonna change

ok, i'm done, let's go

- what happened to olkarion?

- oh no, weblum

- hunk and keith talking rhymes go brrrrrr

- tf

- and pidge can bond w dead olkarion

- kl shots

- tech probs again lol

- go.... pidge?

ep 5

- iverson>loving doggos

- I LOVE ONE INA LEIFSDOTTIR

]- OH MY GOD I KNOW WHAT EPISODE THIS IS

- and it's a trapppppp

- veracxa go brrrrrrr

- ezpr and zethridddddd

- GIVE LANCE CREDIT PIDGE

- Veronica...... do you actually know lance? I mean, a minute ago we were shown that lance is actually better than most of the paladins at navigation and then you're........ what are they trying to say really?

- yay, space lesbians ig

- the purpose of this episode was just to have the lesbians reunited and the paladins in their skintight suit

ep 6

- ok, so roabeast that's what is happening, it's hard to keep track

- i don't think it's a good idea to attack oriande, but ok, allura

- why tf did they parallel honerva to allura wtf

- in s8 they started putting allura and lance beside each other in scenes where previously keith and lance would be needlessly beside each other but, like, when it's allura beside lance there's just this... void? it's hard to explain that but one of the reasons is that she and lance don't engage with each other as much as keith and lance. And allura, since she is now dating lance, is expected to engage with lance, that's the entire reason why I started collecting every frame where keith and lance are together -- keith and lance weren't expected to interact or be near each other because they claimed to hate each other but they did, constantly, and just the first season had more screenshots than it had episodes (meaning that there was more than 1 needless interaction or closeness per episode).

- the atlas being a robot was...... i didn't like it

- this ep is confusinfg, what's happening w matt?

- honerva what the absolute fuck are you doing

- wait, hadn't luca died? who that

- yay zethrid, ezor and th eone olkari

- honerva wtf

- hoe is tearing apart reality

- slav will go crazy with this non-believer

- is that sincline WHAT THE FUCK

- lotor really said yeet

- go berserker allura

- ohhh, lancey lance woke up to stop allura from going nuts

- ok so allura went for honerva and lotor went for allura, so lance went for lotor and honerva's evangelions went for lance, which caused lotor to go for the evangelions and then lance and then, as allura is going for honerva and lotor is going for lance, honerva stops lotor from killing lance so allura doesn't kill her? is that right?

- nope, that is not right because honerva wasn't even worried about allura, so when allura gets close honerva does madic mumbo jumbo

- are we gonna talk about the fact that allura was using a spear? or, dare i say, a lance

- damn, this moment is v emotional

- heavy

ep8

- i love kinkade

- dude, all 4 MFEs share a room, i loveeee

- james and romelle being curious at the camera is cute

- LET HIM BE EXCITED ABOUT YEAST DAMMIT

- Rizavi is the life of the party (derogatory)

- Interviewing pidge and keith dfgdfg i don't remember this, but it might be fun

- hunkkkk i love you

- they took baybay to space lol (do y'all think they brought kaltenecker too?)

- oh god i remember him

- they intervievwed kolivan lol

- corannnnnnnnnn

- YES KALTENECKER IS ON THE SHIP

- "just so much great recycled poop!"

- i love coleen holt

- lance is so stressedddddddddd

- ok, allura getting lance to relax is pretty cute

- i actually really wanna ship kallurance because, well, that's the best way to end a love triangle! but I just..... can't seem to get into kallura. maybe i should search some art and AUs to see if I can get into it

- rizavi u rebel

- more altean pilotsssssssssssss

- that allurance scene was soooooo stiff wtf

- :((((( poor allura

- YES HUNK CONNECT PEOPLE THROUGH THEIR BELLIES THAT SOUNDED WEIRD

- Cute

ok i'm stopping here because i hate the next ep

[fuzzylumpkins]

I GIVE UP. (a secret open letter)

Hi. I know youre a morning person, and you're always busy everyday. especially on a Monday, and i really dont wanna rain on your parade, but given the situation, i just know na hindi ko na kaya patagalin pa to ng ilang araw, or iset aside nanaman. So im sorry if your first day of the week and your day itself starts off with this letter.

I also know na you dont really read my long messages and youre probably thinking, "Hay, ito nanaman si Mara and mga long letters nya." But im asking you to please read all of these. Alam ko pag gising mo you will shrug this off, and it's okay. who would want a buzzkill to start their day with, diba? Hehe but again, please. Please take time to read this and understand where this is all coming from. You can always save these messages to your vault and read it later kung nasa mood ka na, or if me time ka na. But please dont disregard this letter.

Anyway,

It's exactly 2:15 in the morning. I havent slept since i messaged you last night/kanina. I had to stop crying, and collect myself entriely, para kalmado ako (kanina kalmado actually ako. You just got scared na magstorm off ako, and turned off your phone. Pero thankfully, kalmado ako nun. And i guess thats a really good thing, kasi di na ako galit. But i guess that's also a sign na pagod na ako talaga.

So yeah, i needed to collect myself, hindi na ako umiiyak as i am writing this (but i probably will cry at the end or maybe even in the middle of writing of this letter! hehe) Nag relax muna ako from my last message sayo, doing nothing, because I needed to calm myself even more, kasi I wanted to write this letter, na yun nga, kalmado, that way, mas sure ako sa mga sasabihin ko, and sa magiging decisions ko.

Love, im giving up. This time it's for real. Ayaw ko na talaga. Alam ko ilang beses mo na narinig sakin yan. And i end up eating my words, as soon as you talk to me, throw me nice words, treat me with kindness. parang bigla nalang, "nabibihag" mo nanaman ako. Pero ayaw ko na love. Suko na ako. Surrender na ako. Matigas ka talaga. 😢 hehe And honestly, hindi ko na mafeel yung worth ko sayo. I feel useless, and i feel like im worth nothing to you because of these feelings, na matagal ko na nararamdaman, but i always choose to ignore. Kasi in denial ako. These are the red flags i'd like to let you know.

You never gave me any compromise.

Thats one thing i wanted to hear from you, never mo naman ginawan ng paraan. Parang tinatawanan mo lang yung hurt na nararamdaman ko. Never mo ginawan ng solusyon.

You dont give me an assurance.

Wala akong peace of mind. Im sorry pero, wala na akong trust. You lost my trust, i cant trust you, i wont trust you — kasi never mo naman ako pinafeel good, and never mo naman ako binigyan ng assurance na never mo na gagawin sakin na mahurt ako. Parang feeling ko never mo gnawa yun, kasi ikaw mismo sa sarili mo hindi mo masigurado na kaya mo.

I gave you a second chance , but you never valued that second chance.

Tandang tanda ko pa how you hurt me that night na nakita ko yung unang time na finollow mo yang nur aypha na yan. We talked about it sa Biton. You said sorry you cried. —- hindi ko akalain na ung cool guy lawrence would feel so guilty that day, and cry, and lunok his pride and say sorry to me. Sobra kong happy that moment kasi akala ko sobrang love mo ako. September 21 yun. DO YOU KNOW WHY DECEMBER 23 KO PA ULIT NA NALAMAN NA NEVER MO PALA INUNFOLLOW? Because i dont check you, i dont check your account because i trusted you. Sobra ko lang katrust sayo. Ganun ako kaconfident sa love mo sakin. Pero that december night na nalaman ko yun, it was my gut telling me na something’s up. And ever since then, HINDI NA AKO NATAHIMIK. Hindi ko akalain na yung time na akala ko ok ka, na nagsorry ka, na binigyan kita ng second chance, hindi ko akalain na in that span, may pa like like ka pa ng LAHAT ng pictures nya. As in every upload. Alam mo yung nasa isip ko? Isahan mo lang gilike lahat yun. Tapos nakita nya, na “uy may flood likes ako from an ex..” and thats already enough reason to start a conversation between you two. :”( or hindi ko alam kung lahat ba ng stories nya, gina reactan mo, kasi pala react ka sa stories. Dun mo nga ako una nakausap diba? Thats your conversation starter, and that fucking kills me. Yung thoughts na yun never ako pinatahimik. KAYA GSTO KO LANG NAMAN MAWALA SYA SA ACCT MO KSI HINDI KO NA ALAM ANO NA GINAGAWA MO. Hindi ko na alam ano na ginagawa nyo privately.

Kasi you have intentions. You had intentions when you kept liking her photos. Kasi MAY PINAGDAANAN na tayo na issue sakanya, but you still secretly kept liking her pictures. Up until your birthday, sya nasa isip mo while ako i was doing my best effort to make you feel happy. To surprise you. Lahat. Kaya pala when i asked you to come to mabini to get my bigger surprise, parang “ugh” ka pa na ano ba to. bat kelangan pa mag pnta pnta. Then until new year of 2021, kung d ko pa nahuli nung jan 7, nakalike ka pa and updated ka masyado sknya.

So hindi mo mwala sakin yun magisip ako ng , ah baka sa instagram stories ito naga landian itong dalawa. Thats why i dont have my peace of mind. Thats why i want you to remove her. Pero hndi mo magawa, hindi mo kaya.

You never adjusted even for a bit. Para sakin. 

Para sa tao na dapat sana mas iniisip mo kung mahal mo tlaga.

Sobra kong selos kasi bakit ako, yung kinulang na sa oras sa buhay mo, yung pinipilit mag habol ng oras na nawala, bakit ako yung wala sa social media mo? Bakit ako hindi mo malagay jan, na yan lang yung isang way na makabawi tayo sa lost times natin. Bakit sila, mas nakikita mo yung everyday ig stories nila, yung personal life nila, mas ginapili mo na yun makita kesa updated ka sa simple things in my life na sana nakikita mo, nahahabol mo. Ung mga interests ko na sana alam mo. Yung mga interests mo na sana alam ko, na sana nadidiscover ko pa ngyon na nagahabol ako ng nawala na panahon? Na bawat ig story mo nakikita ko na “uy mahilig talaga si lawrence/mara ng ganto.” Or whatever. Pero wala e. Ung simple joys ko na ganun, you stripped that away from me Because you CHOSE to keep them instead. You chose them and still choose them to this day over me.

Di ko talaga alam bakit? Kasi

You blame me?

Blame me for fucking what?! Tangina. Lagi mo reason “o, ngayon alam mo na feeling ng di pinapakinggan?” Putang ina naman you pnly felt that for 2-3 days na nag matigas ako to not block an ex. Compare mo sa 2-3 months na nagmamatigas ka hindi ako pagbigyan. Fuck. That. Hurts.

And yung blame na yan, kung hindi mo yan maalis sa isip mo, even if i said sorry, even if pinagsisihan ko na, even if i did everything to change that, wala pa rin, then i think that’s also a reason na istop nalang din ito. Kasi yun yung gusto mo na justification sa actions mo, that one single thing na hindi ko naman pinalala, pero yun pa rin yung ginagamimt mo na dahilan to justify your actions, then  i really think it’s time to stop na rin. Oo na, kasalanan ko nalang.

Love the very same reason bakit ayaw mo nagafollow sakin sila, o finafollow ko sila, THATS THE VERY SAME REASON BAKIT AKO NAGA PA BLOCK DIN SAYO. Kung ano yung pakiramdam mo ganun din yung akin. Pero bakit never mo kaya gawin for me yun? Yun yung hndi ko magets. Kung snasabi mo “wala dn man ako gnagawa” WELL GUESS WHAT? WALA DN AKO GINAGAWA, yet i blocked them para wala ka na maisip, THATS ME GIVING YOU YOUR PEACE OF MIND . Para matahimik isip mo and ma feel confident ka about me. E ikw nga MAY GINAGAWA NA.

Di ko talaga alam. Sabi nila it comes with age. Meron mga lalake na maaga nasstop yang stage na ganyan, meron din never na talaga. I dont care if you admire those tiktok type girls, lahat ng mga “wow” for guys. Pero pede nyo naman iappreciate yun without engaging anything with them. Pde mo naman daanan lng without clicking the heart button, or without reacting.

Pero un sa ex mo, tapos hindi pa malabong magkita kayo. Naku, no no na yun. Hindi ako magiging katulad ng asawa natin na nalulusutan natin.

But anyway,

that’s it. Surrender na ako. Masyado na talagang mababa yung tingin ko na worth ko sayo. Masyado na din mababa tingin ko sa sarili ko na naga makaawa ako sa SIMPLENG bagay na hindi mabigay sakin ng tao na nagasabi na mahal ako.

have your freedom, hindi naman kita prisoner. Baka isipin mo sobra pa ako sa asawa mo. Si R nga d naga ganto ganyan, si mara oa, HINDI NAMAN ASAWA. Well maybe because maybe i know you more? I know what youre capable of. You cheat pn ur wife with me, and she doesnt know that. So alam ko na, sya asawa mo kaya mo lokohin, ako pa kaya na kabit mo LANG. If youre gonna b with me, just stay loyal, and be honest. That's all i ask.

Yun lang.

I give up.

💔

💔

💔

Dont worry it’s not you who’s giving up. It’s me. I’ve given up. I’ve given up on hope and love na pjnipilit ko na meron tayo.

Kasi ang dami pa natin pagdadaanan, pero kung ganitong bagay lang hindi mo kaya macompromise for me, then might as well stop this. Pano nlng sa next challenges ? Iwan nlng ako sa ere kasi wala akong support system. So ayoko na dumating sa point na kawawa na ako masyado love. hehe

------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes it takes an experience na masasaktan ka, or may mawawala sayo, for you to realize the value of something. “You never know what you got til it’s gone” kasi you take it for granted.

If youre gonna be with me, be with me all in. Make me feel secured. Give me that trust, kasi yun yung building block ng lahat ng relationships. I told you my deal. D na ako babalik sayo unless you remove that person in your life (na obvious na d mo magawa) Actually, simula ngyon ayaw ko na rin mag-asa. Kasi the more na tumatagal, mas sobrang sakit on my part. Kasi “bakit hindi maaksyonan agad?” Bakit kelangan pa patagalin.

The more you take time, the more it hurts. The more theyre in your life, tapos ako wala? The more it hurts. The more you keep them, the more you dont value my worth.

--------------------------------------------------------

I dont want to leave by giving each other wounds. Ayoko na dn matapos ito na puro away nalang. Thats why im giving up. Para wala na ako gnaisip na akin ka, na love mo ako kc i end up getting hurt.

PS: If youre gonna change, dont change for me. Change for yourself. I do believe people change. Yun yung kelangan ko linawin. If you are changing for me, then chances are baka bumalik ka lang sa dati mong ugali, or dati mong ginagawa, because ayaw mong magbago for yourself. If youre gonna change, that has to be for u. Kelangan nasayo yung “narealize ko how much i value my relationship, ayaw ko masira ulit to. Im not gonna give anyone a chance to ruin my relationship.” Because you know the value of this once in a lifetime love story. But if youre changing because naku, “baka magalit si Mara.” Then iba din yun. iba yung reason why youre changing. You might just go back to the way you were. I do believe that ppl can change. Yun lang minsan ang sad dun, it takes a painful experience, para matuto tayo ng leksyon.

Also, i just wanna ask you to not feel AWA towards me. Kasi hindi tama na anjan ka nlang kasi makaawa na ako. Leave that “awa” to me. Kasi ako honestly? Awang awa na ako sa sarili ko for stooping so low sa mga ginagawa ko. Awang awa na ako na i go through hell just to save and value this relationship.

Awang awa na ako na ang dami kong niririsk and pinagdadaanan only to come “home” to a relationship that cant show me my worth.

Parang hindi na tama yung pinagdadaanan ko , tapos ako yung simpleng bagay na hinihingi ko, d mabigay sakin. Unfair na yun. D na ko willing mapagod for nothing.

Pack up na ako, love. Youre only showing me na you dont wanna make it work anymore, and ako nlang yung lumalaban. And I dont think thats fair. but thats ok.

Im sorry, im gone from now on. I give up.

As for your obligations and responsibilities, this current problem/issue im dealing with — my pregnancy. Dont worry anymore na. Ayoko rin n nagastay ka lang kasi naawa ka sakin, or kasi you feel bad na naka take part ka sa pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Wag ganun. 

Wag mo nalang din ifeel na obligtion mo to. It’s not. Thankful ako anjan ka when i found out and helped me how to deal with it. So wala kna to feel guilty about. Know that im thankful. Sabi mo nga love diba 🥲 Strong girl ako, matapang ako.🥲 I just no longer want you involved in this. I’ll be on my own from now on.

Im not asking u to call na pala, kasi baka isipin mo ang toxic ko na kausap na umiiyak. Hehe

Goodbye. Sorry this has to come to this. Thank you sa lahat. Mahal na mahal kita, always. 😢

Mar 01, 2021/ 05:37am

[cherra-khunatta]

冷戦的な物語 (The Cold War Story)

Nope, this is NOT the exact Cold War that you often hear in history books. This is the Cold War that I have experienced myself, with the person whom I called, my “special someone.”

Allow me to share to you the details... if you peeps do not mind, hehehe (PS: He’s no longer on FB and IG for personal reasons).

Chapter 1: Santa Maria Colegio de Ciudad Quezon

2007 - Many things happened during this time. I was still “in love” with my first serious crush in school, and we barely finished yet first year high school. Also, this was the year that I met “you know who” during the recognition rites practice. Oh, don’t remind me about it since I was in freshman of high school, and that wasn’t the most pleasant experience I had—like I was too busy like having butterflies on the stomach, thinking what I would do to please my crush again.

OO NA, CRUSH darake demo imi ga nai to wakaru yo. Demo sono ato, infatuation ga nakunatta.

Well, nakilala ko lang si “future” crush sa recognition rites practice and whatnot. HEARING HIS NAME means, basically iyung maputing chinitong kulang sa height, pero when his name was mentioned, like I was SHOOKt. HANTAI PALA!!! xD

Pero di ko pa crush iyun. Kayo naman.

At RANDOM pa ako nag-a-add sa Friendster... and sorry to say that includes him.

That year was also the time I really NEED to move on from my first crush. So yeah, nagka-crush ako sa teacher (ALAM NIYO NA IYAN! Charot!), na sorry to say, ‘di ko masyadong nagustuhan ang teaching style (chos!). Well, let me tell you this: That teacher was only some “transitional period” figure so that I could just “move on” from my first crush, who obviously was rejecting me all throughout (dahil nga sa nangyari... and I never thought of transferring schools at the first place, thinking that the alma mater where I regretted studying will eventually change and open up to new ways of thinking).

And so, yeah.

Until during this one episode where... I just saw him alone during I think, recess time? HAHAHA. I was like, I dunno, I just fell for him without even knowing his true identity. I only knew his face and name, and that’s about it. DAKEDO—miryokuteki na kao ha? Chotto... sukoshi heibon nano ha... futsuu na shakai ni yoru to, sore no hou ga tekitou na keiyou da yo.

And so, yeah. Parang ganun na nga.

I asked my batchmate (well, he wasn’t my clubmate that time, so yeah...) who he was. DAFUQ kilala niya pala. Clubmate niya pala. AHAHAHAHA. I guess, it was like it came to my senses that he’s pretty attractive to my taste dahil nerdy, tsaka he takes his academics seriously. Ayun.

And yes, I really WANTED to have this formal meeting with him. Get to know each other kaya ayun. I added him eventually on Yahoo! Messenger, and that’s it. We started chatting.

And mind you mga beh, sobrang KILIG KILIG much ako, without even formally meeting him. Well, kinukulit ko kasi ng bonggang-bongga iyung friend ko na clubmate siya.

OK ok... until it came to my senses na gan’to nga. YES I WILL MEET HIM NA...

That smile from my face is not a joke. I usually greet him and talk small talk with him whenever we meet. Ayun.

LAHAT LAHAT I showed my entire tatemae towards him, and I was introducing him to my friend who’s a batch lower than him pero batch higher sakin. In short, third year level siya. And yes... kasama niya meiwaku niyang kabarkada na sumira ng lahat.

OO... at hindi ko na lang siya babanggitin dahil... I will discuss that later.

So, ayun. ALL OF A SUDDEN everything was gone. Ganun-ganun lang dahil sa nangyari. I was fucking humiliated and embarassed and shit. Ayoko nang pag-usapan and somehow, medyo it left a mark in my life na gan’to. And that time, I wasn’t really in good terms with some of my classmates dahil sorry to say, I was dealing with a lot of demons in my head. Ni hindi man lang talaga in-explain sakin ng maayos ang mental health condition ko (which you know, has emerged ever since before naging uso ang SPEAK OUT re: mental health awareness; well, no offense sa mga may mental health issues).

Somehow, another factor that destroyed our friendship was online games. DOON NA TALAGA nag-start ang Cold War.

And knowing the strict rules of this alma mater? FUCK NO. I won’t explain everything in detail na.

OK so to speak: Hindi na kami friends sa Friendster, at saka di na kami nag-uusap gaano sa YM, and yes, hindi parin kami friends sa Multiply something like that.

So to speak. NO JIDORI. Kahit civilian-wearing day, shit na malagkit, no communication with him. Just pure cold war via away thru social media for petty reasons.

2008 - And yes, he graduated from high school, and I do not have any idea about his college. Well, none of my business tho. The Cold War still continues.

So to speak, HINDI KO SIYA BINATI NUNG TANJOUBI NIYA. KAHIT GUSTONG-GUSTO KO.

Third year high school - So ayun. I met his imouto (LOL), and you know what? Ayun, sneak peek: NAGPAKILALA AKO SA KANYA with my best buddy... you know what I mean?

Hindi ko lang hinalata na kilala ko si kuya niya and shit.

DAFUQ. NAGKA-ALAMAN na during this episode like... putcha inamin ko na lang sa imouto niya na kilala ko siya at may gusto talaga ako sa kanya.

And you see, kahit pumupunta-punta kuya niya just to get her report card, like jusko, BAKIT HINDI KO PA SIYA LAPITAN!? I WAS SHOOKt. Confused me was like, I just want to talk to him, but I can’t. Social distancing lang ang peg, beh? xD

Tuloy parin ang Cold War sa internet. Walang katapusan.

Pero this was at the same time, my best buddy’s movements were kind of far from normal. Iyun din ang factor na may huge impact sa buhay ko... which would determine my future career in the long-run... (lol may pa-ganun ganun pa?).

Si meiwaku na lang talaga... she got the nice things, but on the following year I was LEFT WITH NOTHING! Admins must answer my demands... charot!

2009 - Ayun. Wala paring katapusang Cold War. Pero this time, I parted ways with my best buddy (sorry, wala nang ibang choice eh). AYOKONG mangyari iyun talaga... pero parting ways with him made my fourth year high school the WORST part of my high school life. Kasi tuwing anjan si best buddy, no one will really touch me (me paganun-ganun pa).

But yeah, I have to suck it up.

Gusto ko nang tumakas from that so-called tyrannical high school which has the crappiest quality of education in history. Putang ina talaga. Sorry for the language, but that school has to be accountable for damages (waley charot!).

That was also the time I commented on someone’s post na ganito ang school niya na gumagamit ng gantong language. Well, derogatory pa nga ang term eh (LOL).

COLD WAR PARIN.

2010 - Graduate na ako ng high school (SA WAKAAAAAAS!). Well, the bad memories and sh*t because I think the one responsible for sectioning students INSULTED ME ALL THROUGHOUT, and yeah.

Chapter 2: Pamantasang Taft Avenue

I FINALLY CAME TO HIS SCHOOL. YEE-HAW!

Pero di parin tapos ang laban. Again, the Cold War has re-emerged on what? Formspring! The shittiest website you’ll ever encounter in your entire life.

Somehow, I gained more EMENIES online... because you know that anime and video games are kind of BANNED in our household, but I watch anime secretly through torrent (shhhhh). Nalagyan pa ng VIRUS ang laptop ko dahil gusto ko talagang ma-download iyung mga content na ANIME talaga. And why the F*** did I NOT take up Japanese studies instead, if I love anime? Well, then and again the meiwaku person’s gaslighting and sh*t...

And 2010 was my FUCKING WORST YEAR because sinagad ko pa nga ang college. Bakit di na lang ako nag-gap year and shit? At gini-guilt trip pa nga ako na dapat UST na lang ako dahil ganto. But NO. Wala sanang problema ang UST but look, you want me to experience another part 2 of my high school alma mater? NO WAY, Jose. At talagang gusto ko na talagang mag-civilian clothes because it signifies FREEDOM!

Oh wait—freedom my ass. Wala parin akong bonggang-bonggang freedom dahil I was still continuing to BATTLE MY INNER DEMONS like WTF was I born this way and smth like that... ayun.

Medyo nasa stage talaga ako ng self-deprecation, NO THANKS to my background and whatnot. Everyone had really aristocratic features, and academic achievements and they’re so confident about themselves (TEKA... baka FULL of themselves).

And that’s also the time na parang hindi ko rin feel ang mga magiging kasama ko for the first 2 terms. Sorry to say, but it seems that I did not belong to their league at all.

Parang ganun.

And then again, AYOKO NANG MAG-ELABORATE gaano.

This year was the only year I learned to RISE UP from my mistakes. 2 fucking failures only means that “O AYAN, sa sobrang conceited mo kasi, ba’t di mo kaya babaan pride mo?”

Di mo masisi, turbulent masyado ang high school life ko. Meganon. Chos.

2011 - So yeah, third term of my college life... I decided to cross-enroll because I really do not feel to be with these sorts of people. YES, the elitistas.

YEAH... they only dress nicely and speak English like a person from the soshal high society pero manners ANLAYO... parang alipin race by practice parin pero naka-LV ang mga luka-luka.

KAYA AYOKO NA SILANG MAKITA! Charot!

This year was also the first time I came to Japan. MY DREAM DESTINATION! Pero huwag kayo, naging favorite country ko talaga siya (well sorry to say, na-”brainwash” ako ng mga libtard ideas that time, abandoning the conservatism from high school) dahil sa anime pati video games.

Sinabi ko talaga, sana makabalik ako sa Japan. KAHIT European studies ang major ko nun.

And yeah... medyo hindi ko na ma-open mind ko because of this constant fear-mongering from this sort of environment that isn’t really open to new ideas and only cares about snobbery. Kaya siguro mas malapit ang loob ko sa mga hard sciences majors dahil ‘di hamak mas open-minded tsaka conservative in practice talaga sila... and f*** liberals, ya know.

OO, Cold War parin talaga, fren. Di kami nag-uusap at kahit nakikita ko rin siya paminsan-minsan, I just do some sorts of weird stuff and yeah...

2012 - THESIS year. Jusko... heto pa talaga ang pinaka-judgment day sa lahat. Like, ga-graduate pa ba ako, kahit sabihin nating pasaway student ako nun?

Pero, Cold War parin.

2013 - The time I graduated from college. INUNAHAN KO SIYA! BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Pero huwag kayo—medyo rocky road din ang taong ‘to dahil I decided to reconcile with my best buddy and raised the white flag dahil nga siyempre, I tried to forget him but NO WAY... he was a huge part of my life kaya papano ko siya kakalimutan? Diba?

Well, because I fucking missed the graduation ball of my batch. AYOKO sanang pumunta dun for personal reasons... well, may tiket na ako pero gusto ko talagang ibenta. PRAMIS!!!

The result? GAP YEAR from looking for work. Just to attend next year’s grad ball.

After I graduated, I went to South Korea for the 1st time and JAPAN... for ze second time around. First time in Tokyo.

Grabe.

Wala akong masabi.

Dun na siguro nagsimula ang formal Japanese lessons ko.

Pero again, COLD WAR parin.

2014 - YES!!! I attended the grad party... with my high school bestie. Sobrang happy ko nun dahil makakasama ko siya muli. <3

AND...

Pumasok ako sa law school. WELL, LAHAT NG MGA MAHAHALAGANG GAMIT KO, NAWALA SAKIN. F*** those 3 drivers na alipin race by practice! I HEYT DRAHGS!!!

Pero, Cold War parin.

Chapter 3: Travajo, Shigoto, Arbeit

2015 - The time HE graduated from college. Well, I was already studying photography so yeah... and during this year, this is where I had my very first job. Ayun. Meaning to say, new crushes and sh*t, and yeah, meeting new people.

Pero, Cold War parin.

At the same time, meeting new people? Dalawa rin naging crush ko. Pero LABAG sa kalooban ko at pumunta kami ng North America. FUCK... I don’t wanna come back but my parents insisted and sh*t.

Sorry to say, pa-sh*th0l3 na kasi iyung alam niyo na, pinaka-supposedly makapangyarihang bansa sa buong daigdig este hegemon. Gomen nasai to my American friends, but if you knew me closer and deeper, no offense to your country tho!

I was sooooo inggit sa mga taong nakapag-Japan on this year. Haist. Di afford mag-Japan pero afford mag-US? ABNORMAL OI.

Hanggang kapritso’t pabonggahan lang kayo dun eh. And I HATE IT!

Pero 2015 is also the year that I really need to move on from you-know-who. Kasi jusko, dami-daming gwapo diyan! Hindi lang siya!

2016 - WAIT... this is the best year for me... and pretty much the worst. First time kong pumunta ng Kyoto and thought that this is like the Philippines when it’s summer. Tourists weren’t really too many and yeah, move on talaga from that special someone dahil inisip ko one day, mahahanap ko na talaga ang special someone ko. Jusko, daming mas gwapo pa dun anoh! HAHAHAHA.

And my first time to USJ! YEE-HAW!

Bonggang-bongga’t heto na rin ang “moment of truth has finally arrived” and sh*t, at saka PANIBAGONG CRUSH all the way... sa work ko pa nakita at dehins basta-bastang tao iyun! BWAHAHAHAHA at siya pa nga nag-udyok sakin mag-art (BWAHAHAHAHA).

Hindi biro iyan—kung di dahil pinapunta ako sa Craft Mania, malamang I would have NEVER spent my money ng bonggang-bongga sa mga art materials na di ko pa alam gamitin that time. Pabonggahan lang and sorts of stuff (KIDS, don’t try this at home, ha? Learn to save your keep kahit papano)—para lang mag-show off.

2017 - COLD WAR PARIN.

2018 - COLD WAR PARIN.

Pero mind you, this is when the defining point of time I really have to prove myself na worthy akong mag-Japan. NOPE. Not the Japayuki sort of thing dahil... watashi no kao kara suru to, not to brag, but does it seem like... DO I LOOK LIKE A JOKE TO YOU!? Beh, move on na! Hindi na high school itey! Chos!

Pero mind you, this was also the time I un-expectedly PASSED JLPT for the first time. I literally was happy, but still not complacent. Nakukulangan pa ako.

And this is also the time I proved to myself, babalik ako sa Japan to fulfill my childhood dream: Disney Resort sa Japan dahil dun ko talaga gusto eh! Haist talaga, malas ako at dehins ako half-Japanese, you know that feeling of wanting to go to Japan before 2010 because of the cool stuff... pero turns out hindi. Mamaya na.

And after going to Tokyo Disneyland? The next day, we went to unexpectedly the art store that would become my FAVORITE PLACE in the world dahil na-meet ko na ang lalakweng nagpa-tibok ng puso ko. CHAROT!!! Imagine, grabe OPPOSITE niya talaga ang color ng mga Binay, walang gluta pa iyan! Pero likas na gwapo’t magaling pa mag-English (never mind his funny accent LOL). At BAROK pa Nihongo ko nun. As in hazukasii tsukaikata desho! w

Siya ang defining moment ng buong trip ko sa Japan. Dahil siyempre, he has this smile na sobrang sincere at walang pretensions... like he was like that dude whom you want to take for dinner. LOL me paganun-ganun pa.

AT siyempre, back to you-kn0w-who again, tensions are getting relaxed, pero COLD WAR PARIN technically.

2019 - Heto na iyung taong formally pumunta ako ng Japan na walang uwian talaga. Dire-diretso na ang paninirahan ko bilang ryuugakusei. At siyempre, hazukashii parin dahil shit talaga na malagkit, my Japanese wasn’t very very good. Sono kaiwa nouryoku ha zenzen hazukashikatta desho. Maa, mou takusan naratta houga yoroshii yo.

And YES, I went to different places like Kamakura, Yokohama Chinatown, Kobe, Hiroshima, Fukuoka, Nara... shit andami na talaga. Dahil naka-stay ako sa Japan for a year. And my mom often visits me dahil siyempre hitorgurashi ako ditey. And it’s quite depressing ya know—loner, iyung feeling na welcome ka pero di ka parin belong sa society nila. At medyo confused stage parin ako dahil pagod na ako ng bonggang-bongga sa Philippine politics kaya I need a fucking break. But no... things don’t really work that way ya see.

Chapter 4: The moment of truth has finally arrived—tokoro no naka ni ha, Nippon de

And this is one defining moment when wait... like I went to Kobe for the first time around...

Nandito na lang ako sa Japan, at siyempre iyung crush ko na iyun talaga (oi, hindi si opposite skintone ng mga Binay, ok?), I just want to reconcile with him ever since. So, why not again... do something about it?

Remember, wala nang Yahoo Messenger. Wala na ring Friendster. Pati Multiply tigok na rin. At saka wala na ang online games, anoh? DotA na lang tsaka Mobile Legends, pagkaka-alam ko.

And so it happened like this...

He already viewed my IG posts, and that was the time I really had to focus on my studies in the bekka program. Andito na lang ako sa Japan, at saka you know... like the kalungkutan in my eyes show that despite that I love Japan, and I wished to naturalize in the place I consider my second home, parang gusto ko nang i-abandona iyung idea na iyun. Because for one, I am fully aware that Japan is not an immigration-friendly country.

So yeah, because he views my stories on Instagram, I guess this is the time I have to poke him on Facebook?

Oo, sa Messenger ko pa ginawa iyun.

And surprisingly, he sent me a message.

Ayun.

Wait lang ha... ayun.

Nakita ko na talaga na “Sorry sa late reply... ano po iyun? Oh, na-alala nga kita, at sorry sa nagawa ko noon. Sobrang immature ko nun at alam mo na hindi ka deserving sa ganun.”

Umiyak ako. Bonggang-bonggang reconciliation na talaga ang ramdam ko.

Nagpasalamat talaga ako sa kanya, siya iyung dahilan kung bakit nandito ako sa Japan. Shikata ga nai kedo, kung di dahil sa kanya well... I would never be in Japan right now.

Siya parin talaga ang babalikan ko at the end of the day. At hindi ko mai-tatanggi na siya talaga ang inspirasyon ko sa pagpunta ko rito sa Japan bilang ryuugakusei.

2020 - Coronavirus.

Heto na rin ang taon na for good na ang rainichi niya. Totsuzen iyun, hindi iyan ang original plan niya. And his company was already dissolving, so he has to deal with things and stuff before he gets free time.

At takot talaga siya sa coronavirus.

At naka-graduate pa ako. Pasado ko lahat mga subject ko. Pero hindi parin ako kuntento talaga. May kulang pa.

OO, nung panahong iyun sobrang depressed talaga ako. Fuck, all the good and the bad memories in my Japanese university were like, emerging again, just looking at the clothes.

It’s like telling me I really have to go back home.

Kailangan ko nang umuwi ng Pilipinas dahil wala na ako gaanong obligasyon dito sa Japan. Also, whenever I wake up in the morning? I often get depressed, wishing nagtagal lang ako dito sa Japan, pero mukhang hindi talaga para sakin ang Japan, iyan ang ramdam ko.

But I wished so hard, magkita pa kami.

Kotoshi no rokugatsu - Dapat nakauwi na ako ng Pinas nitey. Oo nga, dahil hanggang gantong buwan lang ako andito sa Japan. And I’m stuck in a limbo simply because of that panirang coronavirus.

I cannot admit, I was battling my own demons while I was in school. Like, hindi ko talaga tanggap ang nakaraan ko because I wasted my time being YOLO. Like, ano ba talaga gusto ko paglaki ko?

Fuck, how I wish I planned earlier, but certain factors like political something something was a hindrance. PERO HINDI.

Until I finally decided to meet him.

Lubusin ko na’to. I worked so effing hard just to bring back our friendship. I wanted a closure. I WANTED IT EVER SINCE. Gusto ko na talagang tapusin ‘tong kabanatang maitataguri kong Cold War.

The Cold War that shaped me into a better person, I guess?

June 10 - The day we finally met.

The day when eventually, niyakap ko siya at tinawag ko na sempai.

I finally found the closure I was seeking for.

I noticed, maraming nagbago for sure: First and foremost, inamin niya ring dehins niya gusto masyado ang nangyari sa high school life... and yeah mas enjoy di hamak ang college life, where he learned a lot of stuff.

Sa Japan pa talaga, of all places. I tried other sorts of cultures, if this will fit me, but in the end I simply ended up being in the place I consider my second home, and met my crush there and had the closure I was seeking for: Didn’t expect he would delete some of his social media accounts which sorry to say, parang Fall of the Berlin Wall ang peg.

I was like, I would never expect him to be the person I knew since high school. Kung di ko man lang na-afford makipag-jidori sa  kanya o batiin siya sa Meris o sa La Salle...

Kaya siya tinatawag na Cold War.

[justastraightupmess]

k whta about u there gracie how would u rank them from healthy to toxic and why does it differ from me or wh at

i mean i think most of it will probably be the same tbh but lets roll.

also its gonna be hard not to be influenced by their potential to be healthier but i’ll do my bEst. 

adonis / mitsuki 

i mean. as we all know. they are literally goals and everyone else should learn from them. such sweet hearts who really value each other and show their appreciation and care. they look out for each other and actually fucking communicate. these two are just so great and so pure?? i love them??? 

and now a big ass jump way way way way down bc these two ^^ are honestly the only healthy ones

bailey / quinten 

honestly they’re partly this high bc i dont know enough about them to see any faults yet rip,,, obviously quinten is manipulative and has self esteem issues. but bailey is kinda,,, too dumb to really be affected by any of the negative things that might come from quinten?? hes too naive and happy go lucky to notice hes just out there having a good time showering quinten with love and affection 

levi / touma

i’ve placed them a bit higher because while yeah, its not great,,, and its not really healthy, its still not exactly harmful?? like i dont feel like either of them is really actively hurting the other person. i mean levi is helping touma (/forcing him) to come to terms with himself and his sexuality. mind you levi is a very manipulative person and thats by no means healthy, and touma is a push over and lets him get away with waaaaaay too much. they need to communicate better as well instead of levi saying “lets do this/i want this etc” and touma going along with it. i also feel like levi doesnt value touma as much as he should (yet, big yet tho) bc he doesnt realize how real his feelings are. but like i said these two arent really hurting each other ?? so ?? 

indigo / valentine 

i mean yIkes yeah poor val is definitely carrying this team. indy is extremely destructive and has so many fucking issues. he really really struggles to let people in and does everything he can to push them away. the only reason why they’re even slightly okay is because val is so patient. im putting them under tou and levi though because the way indy treats val sometimes is pretty bad. indy can be genuinely harmful, he can say mean things and do things he knows will hurt val on purpose to push him away, i wouldn’t say he does this often though, only at times when hes feeling really bad and its almost like hes testing val?? that being said even normally indy is a pretty abrasive person, he swears and insults people a lot just in everyday conversation, when hes like that hes not intending to hurt val and i dont think he does so that okayish i guess but still not great. val puts up with way more shit than he should and its rlly only because he has such thick skin and patience that they word and dont spiral into proper fights and even more toxic behavior. but when indy is good, ina  good mood and feeling good he can be softer and more affectionate, he can try to show val in very very small ways that he does appreciate him. so thats why they’re a bit higher. 

luke / everett

listen they’re pretty close but i’m putting them below. mostly because of luke tbh like i’d say 65% luke 35% ev. honestly these guys indy/val and tou/lev are all pretty close. but anyway. these two are one of the pairs that really truly care so fucking deeply for each other. like luke loves ev, with or without any romantic feelings he loves ev so fucking much. and they obviously care for each other and appreciate each other, they do shit for each other. when they’re good they’re very good and if they were always good i’d put them a lot higher bc of the really strong bond they have with each other. buuuuuuut when its bad it gets real bad. and i think these two can be very harmful and toxic when it gets bad. on ev’s part it’d obviously just be his explosive temper, luke tries hard not to lose his temper and tries to calm the situations down whether hes in the right or the wrong, he has better control of his emotions (/better at ignoring them) than ev, but ev is much quicker to lose his cool and lose it for good, though he is definitely getting better at that. on luke’s part,,, yikes. when they fight and when they get pushed to the point of really properly fighting luke says some mean ass shit,. eg when he called ev a whore. its when lukes loses his tightly kept control over his emotions that a lot of his passive aggressive, judgmental shit from his upbringing comes out, bc he consciously works to keep that part of him down normally, but yeah it comes out when he gets real mad and he can be a real dick. and even when they’re not fighting luke is still pretty passive aggressive and to some degree unconsciously looks down on/did look down on ev. which is not nice

naoki / luciel 

yeah this is bc of luciel for sure,,, they’ll be up there when they get past his creepy ass behavior bc i think they have very good potential to have really good communication like adonis and mitsuki. but for now they belong down here bc luciel worships naoki in a very unhealthy way, and hes a fkin creeper 

dante / chikara 

im gonna put them second from last only because i dont think they are even at their prime of being toxic yet,, like i think it’ll get worse from here. bc right now i dont think either cares enough for it to be as bad as it can get. once it does then yikes,,, a lot of issues. 

andrew / daiki

im putting then right down here on the bottom because right now as it stands their relationship isnt benefiting either of them, its not making either of them better people and honestly rn its making them worse?? in the sense that, andrew is enabling and reinforcing daiki’s bad behavior, hes a pushover obviously and is letting daiki do as he pleases and walk all over him as he pleases regardless of how it makes andy feel. as well as that its making andrew feel worse about himself. before meeting daiki he was?? pretty content ig he didnt think that great of himself or anything but yknow. but now he feels like a plaything for daiki, he doesnt feel like daiki actually loves or likes him, he thinks daiki is just using him for fun until hes done with him. hes basically belittling himself to being nothing but a cocksleeve for daiki,,, and ofc that makes andrew feel worse abt himself. he feels like shit bc he likes daiki a lot but doesnt think daiki likes him back and he feels like shit for not putting a stop to it or making a stand kinda thing. buuuut yknow eventually he will and they’ll start getting better. idk if they will ever be near the top up there with adonis and mitsuki but they’ll at least be soooo much higher with time 

[qwenkzz-blog]

I got chances to confess yet I was not able to..

You should've atleast read my letters hidden in my Notes.

I should've atleast let you know but I don't have the courage to do so.

The feelings that has been rekindled in 2016---- I still have it until now..

I've been keeping you in my heart for so long.

I've been letting my friends know about you.

I tried to like some other guys but this stubborn heart of mine always chooses you.

I don't wanna be with anyone if it's not you so I stay still..

Patiently waiting for you..

*deep breath*

You don't know how much I longed for you.

You don't know how much I missed you.

It was in February of 2019 when we saw each other.. then after that, months after that you went home for good. I was so sad. Atleast you should've let me know? But who am I? *teary eyes*🥺

Shacks. Wait. My chest is getting heavy from these emotions I am feeling right now.

Then 2020 came--- I was so excited to go home in May but due to the Pandemic my flight was cancelled. I longed for you even more---but I remain patient. I believe in God's will. You don't have an idea how much I longed for you. :(

Finally with no plans at all, I went back to Pinas in December of 2021. God's Will! 😍

I was so excited to see my family and of course You! Yes You!

My longing for you gave me the courage to conquer the fear of getting the virus. Charot! Haha But no kidding---you gave me courage.

Haaayyy *deep breath* if you only know how long I've been keeping you in my heart.

If this not Love then I don't know what it is?

I've been boasting you to my friends like "Oh I'm gonna marry Him"

Even if there's no assurance---tumaya ako.

Ganun naman talaga siguro pag gusto mo talaga yung Tao diba? Tataya ka kahit alam mong pwede kang matalo. Kase siya yung gusto mong makasama habang buhay. *crying*

We had a good time. I spent most of my VL days with my family and you (yung close friends ko nga e na set aside ko muna. Sorry guys! For sure you understand me naman. Hihi✌)

The day before my flight you went to our town. I'm not expressive and affectionate when it comes to you so I was not able to show what I was really feeling that time. I was happy. It's like I'm my heart was about to explode.

Sorry! Sorry if I was not able to tell you. *crying*

Remember when I asked you? "Nata ka yaon digdi? Nata ka nagdigdi?"

And guess what you told me..

You said "Wara. Mamimiss taka"

Shacks naman e! You travelled all the way from your town and that's it?

I'm just waiting! I don't wanna assume that you like me too--- but if you asked me that time I would've said Yes!

I was kinda frustrated. It's like I made also a way to see you. I was patiently waiting for that time to come. I travelled. Then that's it?

Remember this video?

I was with you in this video. I was so happy.

We lost communication. I thought you were just busy so I did not bother you. I thought you're getting your focus to your upcoming exam.

The months of having no communication was giving me pains but my heart remains still.

Despite of the pain--my heart still chooses to wait and patiently waited for you.

Then Christmas and New Years came still I got no message from you. I got a feeling that you have someone with you already but I try to ignore my instincts.

I cried on Christmas eve..

Then on New Year's eve..

Oh this stubborn heart of mine!😖

Everything finally ended on February 1st.

I was at the Hospital for my check up when I saw your story on IG.

You were with someone. I almost cry but I had to hold my tears. It will be embarrassing if I'm gonna cry in there.

I went home.

As I got in our room my friend already gettin' her arms wide open to hug me---to comfort me. She knows the story.

I cried. I cried so much.

Then when I checked your other FB account (yes I know you have another FB account)---you are in a relationship.

I no longer say bad words pero napa PUTANG INA talaga ako habang naiyak.

5 years! You should've been a man! Sa lahat ng pinakita mo saken for all those years---as a friend lang yun? Ang bobo ko. Sobrang bobo.

I feel sorry for myself. I pity myself. Imagine as 5years na yun ikaw lang ang ginusto ko. Pero choice ko naman yun. I don't blame you because waiting you is my choice. Pero---why you have to make me feel special? Why? Is this your revenge? Okay. I understand. Okay.

As I can see you are happy. Be happy then. I wish both of you will have good life and happiness. Stay strong.

Thank you.

In the end I'm still thankful for you. Just wanna let you know how much genuine my heart is when it comes to you. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you. Really. So okay. Till we meet again.

[aloneatl4st]

Touch Starvation

Hello friends.

I would like to tell a story. A story about the last real romantic interaction i experienced that has left me feeling kind of empty.

I was 16 at the time, just before i started 10th grade (so around September of 2020).I used to hang out with a close childhood friend of mine amd her friend. Lets call her Jess and him Mark for reference.

I was outside woth Jess and Mark and we were aty citys most known mall, outside sitting on the grass of the big park it had.

I had been told we were waiting for a friend of Marks that was moving into our city to study. Lets call this friend Robert.

Time passes and Robert arrives. A soon as he approaches us i kind of feels like hes definitely not straight but me and jess were jokingly fighting over him behind his back as he was in front of us with Mark talking about random stuff.

Skipping a day of random stuff I actually find out he is bisexual after i tell him im gay (i do not remember the context but it wasnt in any way relationship related, we were just being ourselves). I remember him asking of me to not actually tell anyone because we were hanging out with another girl and another person. Tgese 2 people along with Mark were moderately homophobic, but I was never really afraid to tell them I am gay, however i did say i wont tell anyone.

Some time passes and we end up in a little park woth a very large and round swing where he sets himself beside me and we... just kind of talk. He actually ends up talking about how he feels used by all the men hes been with and when I ask him where does he find the men in question he answers Grindr. I tell him that he shouldn't expect smth good out of Grindr but i dont have the most convincing talent so he kinda just brushes it off.

At that point it was safe to say that i liked him. Robert would hook up with random men just attempting to get an actual relationship but it was just a waste of time.

More time passes and our whole group of friends ends up being outside at 1 AM somewhere close to my home, and it was really chilly outside. I only brought a flimsy jacket with me but i was s h i v e r i n g.

A few friends were just sitting on the bench, including Jess, Mark and Robert. One of the homophobic girls i mentioned earlier was snuggled up to Robert and he was just kind of existing, he had a hoodie on.

Needless to say, I was jealous LOL so I pretended to be very cold and to refuse Robert's advice of "also snuggling up to him". But i gave in, I'm just kind of petty looool.

It is kind of pathetic to say it out loud like this but that was the first time i ever got that close to a man in terms of being hugged/hugging back. Since im vocal enough about being gay my male classmates really just keeo their fair distance from me and hugging ig just isnt a "man" thing. My birthday is during Christmas too so i cant get birthday hugs at school.

I also have no male friends either so yea that was the first time i got a good cuddle from a man.

It felt... warm. I was close to crying in that moment because he had his arm wrapped around my neck as i was snuggling into his right shoulder/right side of his chest, as the other girl was on his left. I have always been touch starved but after that night when i had to let go of Robert... i felt seriously empty

He was 19 and secretly taken so nothing would've worked out, but i found out too late and an emotional bond was already formed.

I asked him to meet me at the top of the outside stairs of the park where there was a fountain. I was planning on confessing, even if i knew about our age cap. All i knew was that i missed that warmth he provided for me in that one moment. Half way through the confession i chicken out and instead of saying "I like you" i said "i liked you".

he laughs.

not in a "lmao how could i like you lol". More like a "oh haha thats crazyy". So i kept on with the convo and told him that i needed to look at some stuff through the mall and he said he wants to tag along.

After that day i had found out that he was actually growing sick of the friend group and he was just overall being a mess and mean for no reason.

He was basically excluded from our friend grouo6and i havent heard of him ever since.

I hate him for how mean he became for no apparent reason. But i miss his touch. I miss his warmth.

I want to feel the warmth of a man once again. Just once, since to that moment i have never been ina relationships with someone, even to today i have always been single.

Touch Starvation is a cute book trope I guess, but i genuinely do not wish it on anyone. It has left me feeling dead constantly and like the obky priority for me should be romantic love, not achievements, education of stronger friendship bonds.

[jonasmaurer]

Friday Faves + the last Trunk Club keepers

Hi friends! Happy Friday! I think it’s Friday? I feel like we’re in the weird limbo phase between Christmas and New Year’s. I hope everyone is hanging in there with everything going on. We’re taking it day by day over here and spending lots of time outside while the weather has been nice.

Here are some of the highlights from the week:

A hike at Sabino Canyon

takeout family dinner from Commoner & Co.

and art with Mo Willems.

We finally got a set for our lil patio! It’s been furniture-free, minus a little table I got from World Market years ago and a wicker rocking chair. It’s nice to cozy up on the couch  and work on my computer or read while the girls play outside. When we can have parties again, we’re ready for it! Everything is from Target.

We also planted some new flowers and refreshed the veggie garden. We still have a few empty pots, but I love how everything is coming together.

I’m SO thankful for all of the amazing resources that have been available during this time. Free fitness classes, Zoo safari tours, museum tours, etc. If you have anything that you’ve been loving, please let me know! I’ve been sharing lots of workouts on my IG stories, too.

For today, I wanted to share some faves + the latest Trunk Club keepers. I got my most recent trunk a couple of weeks ago, but will probably take a break for a bit until all of this settles down. Instead, I’m going to be supporting my beloved Nordstrom directly through the site. They have so many great things on sale right now!

Some of my top pics:

The best leggings (I’ve worn different ones almost every day this week)

I usually get new Miller sandals when they go on sale

Love these pajamas – I have about 3 sets and wear them constantly

Another pair of great everyday sandals

This crossbody is so cute

These in black are my go-to dressy sandals

This is my fave bra ever and I always stock up when they’re on sale

Here are the latest Trunk Club faves: 

This tie-front blouse. Love it with statement earrings, sandals, and jeans

This gorgeous tangerine off-shoulder dress

I’m wearing this to celebrate when we’re allowed to go out again!

This Madewell striped dress

I love everyday casual dresses and thought this would be cute with a tied chambray shirt and sneakers

This top!

I feel like cute casual tops are hard to find and thought I’d wear this a lot with white jeans or jean shorts

These shoes

Espadrilles are usually super high and so I’m looking forward to wearing these and not feeling like I’ll fall and break my face. (And I can keep my balance more efficiently if P tries to football tackle me to the ground.)

I’m glad I asked for more casual pieces in this trunk because compared to what I’ve been wearing lately, these all feel like formal attire.

Some more faves from the week and around the web:

Read, watch, listen:

You can download over 300,000 books from the NYPL for free.

A 60-second way to feel good.

If you haven’t watched Love Is Blind yet, now is the perfect time. I’m into it; the romance (real and fake), the drama, it’s just so good. It’s been comforting to watch something completely mindless before turning in for the night.

Nutrition and recipes:

Creamy curry Tahini dressing

Healthy pantry recipes

Ina Garten’s pantry staples

Fitness and streaming options:

Some of my beloved studios are offering free classes during this time:

– Dance Cardio with Todd – let him set your soul free

– Sumits Yoga Tucson <— this is where I take hot yoga. They’ve been posting 60-minute, 80-minute, and vinyasa classes on IG Live.

– barre3  – free 15-day trial

– Barre Body <— where I taught in San Diego! They’re posting workouts on IG Live.

– I also have to shout out Les Mills On Demand because the classes are incredible. BODYPUMP, BODY ATTACK, Barre and GRIT are my faves

Happy Friday, friends! I’ll see ya on IG this weekend and I’ll post a live workout there on Sunday afternoon, too.

xoxo

Gina

The post Friday Faves + the last Trunk Club keepers appeared first on The Fitnessista.

Friday Faves + the last Trunk Club keepers published first on https://olimpsportnutritionde.tumblr.com/

[anamorales]

Friday Faves + the last Trunk Club keepers

Hi friends! Happy Friday! I think it’s Friday? I feel like we’re in the weird limbo phase between Christmas and New Year’s. I hope everyone is hanging in there with everything going on. We’re taking it day by day over here and spending lots of time outside while the weather has been nice.

Here are some of the highlights from the week:

A hike at Sabino Canyon

takeout family dinner from Commoner & Co.

and art with Mo Willems.

We finally got a set for our lil patio! It’s been furniture-free, minus a little table I got from World Market years ago and a wicker rocking chair. It’s nice to cozy up on the couch  and work on my computer or read while the girls play outside. When we can have parties again, we’re ready for it! Everything is from Target.

We also planted some new flowers and refreshed the veggie garden. We still have a few empty pots, but I love how everything is coming together.

I’m SO thankful for all of the amazing resources that have been available during this time. Free fitness classes, Zoo safari tours, museum tours, etc. If you have anything that you’ve been loving, please let me know! I’ve been sharing lots of workouts on my IG stories, too.

For today, I wanted to share some faves + the latest Trunk Club keepers. I got my most recent trunk a couple of weeks ago, but will probably take a break for a bit until all of this settles down. Instead, I’m going to be supporting my beloved Nordstrom directly through the site. They have so many great things on sale right now!

Some of my top pics:

The best leggings (I’ve worn different ones almost every day this week)

I usually get new Miller sandals when they go on sale

Love these pajamas – I have about 3 sets and wear them constantly

Another pair of great everyday sandals

This crossbody is so cute

These in black are my go-to dressy sandals

This is my fave bra ever and I always stock up when they’re on sale

Here are the latest Trunk Club faves: 

This tie-front blouse. Love it with statement earrings, sandals, and jeans

This gorgeous tangerine off-shoulder dress

I’m wearing this to celebrate when we’re allowed to go out again!

This Madewell striped dress

I love everyday casual dresses and thought this would be cute with a tied chambray shirt and sneakers

This top!

I feel like cute casual tops are hard to find and thought I’d wear this a lot with white jeans or jean shorts

These shoes

Espadrilles are usually super high and so I’m looking forward to wearing these and not feeling like I’ll fall and break my face. (And I can keep my balance more efficiently if P tries to football tackle me to the ground.)

I’m glad I asked for more casual pieces in this trunk because compared to what I’ve been wearing lately, these all feel like formal attire.

Some more faves from the week and around the web:

Read, watch, listen:

You can download over 300,000 books from the NYPL for free.

A 60-second way to feel good.

If you haven’t watched Love Is Blind yet, now is the perfect time. I’m into it; the romance (real and fake), the drama, it’s just so good. It’s been comforting to watch something completely mindless before turning in for the night.

Nutrition and recipes:

Creamy curry Tahini dressing

Healthy pantry recipes

Ina Garten’s pantry staples

Fitness and streaming options:

Some of my beloved studios are offering free classes during this time:

– Dance Cardio with Todd – let him set your soul free

– Sumits Yoga Tucson <— this is where I take hot yoga. They’ve been posting 60-minute, 80-minute, and vinyasa classes on IG Live.

– barre3  – free 15-day trial

– Barre Body <— where I taught in San Diego! They’re posting workouts on IG Live.

– I also have to shout out Les Mills On Demand because the classes are incredible. BODYPUMP, BODY ATTACK, Barre and GRIT are my faves

Happy Friday, friends! I’ll see ya on IG this weekend and I’ll post a live workout there on Sunday afternoon, too.

xoxo

Gina

The post Friday Faves + the last Trunk Club keepers appeared first on The Fitnessista.

Friday Faves + the last Trunk Club keepers published first on https://immigrationways.tumblr.com/

[molamolamolawhyamihere]

2019, what i thankful for

1. Trip to South Korea and Japan; ga pernah direncanain di 2018 kalau tahun ini bisa ke dua negara ini. Aku cinta kpop dan kdrama, mengunjungi korea seperti merasakan dunia idolakuuu. Indah dan menyenangkan. Sementara Jepang, aku selalu nonton anime2 jepang dari kecil. Liat bentuk rumah Nobita dan ngerasain langsung gimana maju dan rapih kota ini agak amazed sendiri. + bonus layover di hongkong. Aku punya temen kantor yang suka sekali dengan Hongkong and all it beauties and wong kar-wai. 

2. AUTUMN SEASON! supeerrrbbb thankful. dari semua season, aku selalu ingin merasakan autumn/fall dan memang secantik ituuuuu. Japan and autumn is lovely

3. Making money through videography and video editing. Diawali dari lamaran Sheryta temen SMPku, aku jadi agak PD sama dunia per-video-an. lalu dapet 3x job barengan sama Adel, temen kuliahku -- lamaran, ig video feed, sweet 17. Lalu editing project vlog Ina sahabatku dari SMP yang sampe akhir tahun masih ada projekannya :)) PLUS pre-wedding video yang tak kuduga bisa kukerjakan meski banyak yang harus diperbaiki. 

4. Good and warm friends

5. My brother got married and i soon to be aunty :)))))) and she’s soo kind and beautiful

6. My dad is healthy and living his 60 the fullest

7. Turning 27, happy and healthy

8. Taylor Swift’s Lover album. P.S Lover is THE BEST

9. All the movies i watched alone at the cinema. 

10. Not falling in love too easy and to deep. I got you, dear heart. I save you. 

thank you f 2019! I learned a lot; what i want and dont. 

[mariahcharisse]

Confession of a fan

Dearest Timmy, <3

I am fan since The Voice days. Honestly, at first si Daryl Ong talaga yung reason why I have been into The Voice kasi I am also a fan since naging interpreter sya sa ASOP. I am a follower of your journey sa The Voice. I still remember your piece sa Blind audition the “You are my song” na 3-chair turner. Tho I am not into the line of music, I know your vocal ranges is just so amazing plus of course your good and pleasant look. Your effortless high notes is so ahhhhhhh, hindi masakit sa ears pakinggan. To sum it up, I am an avid follower since your Blind audition.

After The Voice, my last update about you was your duet with Daryl ng Lay me down which is posted in his youTube account. Until I got a news that you will be one of the performers for the UNTV Cup Finals. That was the first time I saw you in person. (tho I’m too far from you nasa Upper B ako nun). You sang FOREVERMORE na smooth na smooth kahit antaas taas na. Yuyuko ka lang abot mo na ung high notes. (Hahaha super ingay ko nun sa taas, tinatawag kita kasu di mo nga ako maririnig). I keep on texting my friend, kuya Paul, na kahit isang shot lang ng picture mo nun. He grant my wish kaso ininggit nya ako. Pero ok lang kasi ang main goal ko naman nun is to have a photo of you. After UNTV CUP, my second encounter with you is yung naging interpreter ka naman sa  ASOP. Ganun uli, tinawag uli kita kaso di mo ako naririnig kasi malayo parin ako. Hahhaha déjà vu. After ASOP nag guest ka sa Good Morning Kuya (actually ginising pa ako para Makita ka :D) tapos lagi ka na nagGuest sa Wish Bus kaya napapanood kita palagi.

Last December 27, 2016 if I am not mistaken, Wish Bus Tour for the Wish Awards activation sa SM Molino. Before that event, yung mga friends ko na volunteer sa Wish FM na alam na I am an avid fan including kuya Paul informed me that you are one of the performers. Unfortunately, I have a prior commitment on the said date. All of them (my friends) tagged me sa lahat ng photos with you. Of course, nainggit ako. Tapos, my sister showed me your video greeting for me. Sabi mo “Hi Mariah Lopez, Hope to see you soon”. <3 I believed and hoped na we’ll meet soon. Pero sabi ko how? Hahaha but I never lose hope. Until <3 dumating yung araw ko J. Kuya Paul told me na may tour uli ang Wish Bus sa SM Molino and you are again one of the performers. Sabi nya (Kuya Paul) na niRequest mo daw talaga na sa SM Molino ka. Upon hearing the news sabi ko “this is destiny. Magkikita na tayo sa wakas.” hahaha

January 6, nagFB Live ka na you are on your way to SM Molino. Tas dumating ka na nakapagperform ka na pero di ko kayang pumunta sa venue to see you personally kasi nahihiya ako. I don’t know what will happen kapag Makita na kita in person, ung malapitan, ung mata-Touch kita ung waaaaaaaah. I even convinced myself na wag na pumunta to see you in person, na it is fine with me na di ka makita that time and will never be. I have convinced myself to continue admire silently kasi nahihiya ako na madaming na ang may alam na I am your admirer. It is not that nahihiya akong i-admire ka, it is just that it is not my personality na expressive and loud especially kapag ina-admire ko. Kaya napatagal bago ako magdecide na puntahan ka sa mall. Sabi nila kuya Paul paalis ka na daw kaya bilisan ko. Do not waste my chance daw. Kasu nahihiya talaga ako kasi I know I wont be able to contain happiness and worst mahimatay ako sa harap mo o baka kung anong magawa ko hahaha kasi I never experience any close encounter sa mga ina-admire ko . tapos di ko na alam what happened andun na ako sa Mall. Nakita nakita sa loob ng Bus tapos nakita ko si ate Kharen and Kuya Paul tapos everything was so magical. <3 Thanks to ate Kharen, kuya Paul and to ate Claire who supported me to have and take a photo with you. Sabi sa story nila ate Kharen, niDelay nya daw yung pag uwi mo kasi sabi sa kanya ni kuya Paul na dadating ako. (sorry for the delay). I really appreciate the sweetness of ate Kharen na she asked you na bumaba muna sa car mo for me para magkapagpapicture ako sayo. And I can’t explain the feeling seeing you coming out of your car to grant my wish. Inakbayan mo pa ako <3. Tapos hindi ko na alam super overwhelmed na ako sa nangyari. That was my unforgettable first close encounter with you. I’ve been speechless and as I said I couldn’t contain my happiness. (Until now while I reminisce the moment, sobrang saya parin ng puso ko :D ).

Timmy, (I don’t know if feeling close ako when calling you Timmy but sa “Timmy” kita kilala) thank you for that simple photo, that memory na di ako magsasawang alalahanin (I even made our photo my DP on my FB Acct. it has 315 likes <most liked DP ko> hihihi). Thank you for those retweets, likes and comments. It really means a lot to me, kahit feeling close ako na comment ng comment sa mga posts mo. Your simple like on my tweets mentioning you really made my day and I even screenshotted them and post to IG hoping you’ll notice it again.

Thank you for making me feel loved and appreciated. I hope and I know that one day all your dreams will come true. Continue to be a good example not only to us, your fans, but also to those who have the same dreams as yours. Wag kang mapagod mangarap and always aim for your goals. Don’t let others ruin your happiness and dreams. Always remember that you are blessed in all aspects and never forget to thank God for everything. God has His good plans for you in His Good timing. Remember that in your journey, you are never alone. Us, your fans will continue to support you all the way. And as long as you put God in the center of all your journey, I’m sure He will never leave you side. May God always bless you and your loved-ones.

Happiest Birthday dearest Timmy. (0324)

Your fan,

Mariah <3

[anamorales]

Friday Faves + the last Trunk Club keepers

Hi friends! Happy Friday! I think it’s Friday? I feel like we’re in the weird limbo phase between Christmas and New Year’s. I hope everyone is hanging in there with everything going on. We’re taking it day by day over here and spending lots of time outside while the weather has been nice.

Here are some of the highlights from the week:

A hike at Sabino Canyon

takeout family dinner from Commoner & Co.

and art with Mo Willems.

We finally got a set for our lil patio! It’s been furniture-free, minus a little table I got from World Market years ago and a wicker rocking chair. It’s nice to cozy up on the couch  and work on my computer or read while the girls play outside. When we can have parties again, we’re ready for it! Everything is from Target.

We also planted some new flowers and refreshed the veggie garden. We still have a few empty pots, but I love how everything is coming together.

I’m SO thankful for all of the amazing resources that have been available during this time. Free fitness classes, Zoo safari tours, museum tours, etc. If you have anything that you’ve been loving, please let me know! I’ve been sharing lots of workouts on my IG stories, too.

For today, I wanted to share some faves + the latest Trunk Club keepers. I got my most recent trunk a couple of weeks ago, but will probably take a break for a bit until all of this settles down. Instead, I’m going to be supporting my beloved Nordstrom directly through the site. They have so many great things on sale right now!

Some of my top pics:

The best leggings (I’ve worn different ones almost every day this week)

I usually get new Miller sandals when they go on sale

Love these pajamas – I have about 3 sets and wear them constantly

Another pair of great everyday sandals

This crossbody is so cute

These in black are my go-to dressy sandals

This is my fave bra ever and I always stock up when they’re on sale

Here are the latest Trunk Club faves: 

This tie-front blouse. Love it with statement earrings, sandals, and jeans

This gorgeous tangerine off-shoulder dress

I’m wearing this to celebrate when we’re allowed to go out again!

This Madewell striped dress

I love everyday casual dresses and thought this would be cute with a tied chambray shirt and sneakers

This top!

I feel like cute casual tops are hard to find and thought I’d wear this a lot with white jeans or jean shorts

These shoes

Espadrilles are usually super high and so I’m looking forward to wearing these and not feeling like I’ll fall and break my face. (And I can keep my balance more efficiently if P tries to football tackle me to the ground.)

I’m glad I asked for more casual pieces in this trunk because compared to what I’ve been wearing lately, these all feel like formal attire.

Some more faves from the week and around the web:

Read, watch, listen:

You can download over 300,000 books from the NYPL for free.

A 60-second way to feel good.

If you haven’t watched Love Is Blind yet, now is the perfect time. I’m into it; the romance (real and fake), the drama, it’s just so good. It’s been comforting to watch something completely mindless before turning in for the night.

Nutrition and recipes:

Creamy curry Tahini dressing

Healthy pantry recipes

Ina Garten’s pantry staples

Fitness and streaming options:

Some of my beloved studios are offering free classes during this time:

– Dance Cardio with Todd – let him set your soul free

– Sumits Yoga Tucson <— this is where I take hot yoga. They’ve been posting 60-minute, 80-minute, and vinyasa classes on IG Live.

– barre3  – free 15-day trial

– Barre Body <— where I taught in San Diego! They’re posting workouts on IG Live.

– I also have to shout out Les Mills On Demand because the classes are incredible. BODYPUMP, BODY ATTACK, Barre and GRIT are my faves

Happy Friday, friends! I’ll see ya on IG this weekend and I’ll post a live workout there on Sunday afternoon, too.

xoxo

Gina

The post Friday Faves + the last Trunk Club keepers appeared first on The Fitnessista.

Friday Faves + the last Trunk Club keepers published first on https://immigrationways.tumblr.com/

[justastraightupmess]

💦😉👠🏩💔💑💘

im just gonna do the newish muses since ive probably done this meme for the others so

💦 At what age did my muse lose their virginity?

lol he hasn’t. innocent boy. i think hes probably kissed ppl and stuff, but nothing far. idk 

😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks?

i have n o  idea. lol for once. 

👠 What was my muse’s last serious relationship like?

he hasnt had one,,, rip. maybe he dated in highschool or smth?? idk i havent decided. 

🏩 What was my muse’s first time like?

rip

💔 What was my muse’s first heartbreak?

he hasnt rlly been heartbroken

💑 What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner?

uhhhh requirements seems a little harsh, but ig he likes someone kind, a good person, he wouldnt go for anyone mean spirited or anything. 

💘 What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

mmm probably just taking care of the person, hes a big caretaker. 

💦 At what age did my muse lose their virginity?

hmmmmm good question. i feel like it was probably pretty young??? like maybe 15 or smth ??? he probably fucked a bunch of rich closeted gay boys when he briefly went to a rich private school lmao

😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks?

hes surprisingly like,,, not kinky, bc his work turned him off a lot of things. he jsut likes to change it up every so often. but i cant rlly think of any specifics. 

👠 What was my muse’s last serious relationship like?

serious one was when he was abt 19?? maybe ?? idk its hard to keep track of ages for continuity okay i try. but anyway, the only person hes properly loved. 

🏩 What was my muse’s first time like?

mmmm okay im making this up as i go along but idk i like the idea of indy being a real flirt in school just bc he like ?? wanted attention ??? and he was a shit stirrer and stuff. anyway he had a thing for one of the older guys and ended up doing it one time, he probably told him it wasnt his first time bc hes a liar like that, but it was. probably not great??? i feel like indy would have been a little disillusioned like “oh :/ so thats sex?? it wasnt rlly that great :///”

💔 What was my muse’s first heartbreak?

mmmmmmmmm first heartbreak was when his mama died. followed by many more. but if u mean specifically love heartbreak, hes only even really loved one person. long story short, his bf was into selling drugs, they were both young around the same age, indy took to selling himself bc he didnt fuck with drugs, but his bf was selling them. anyway he was kinda too smart for his opwn good?? always trying to scheme and come up with a way to earn the big bucks. but smart as he was he was naive, and one of his schemes went wrong and he ended up being killed. and indy was,,,,,,, n o t,,,, o k a yyyy

💑 What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner?

lmao none he doesnt want a potential partner yikes. but yeah ig someone suuuuper patient?? thats the biggest requirement bc indy is a lot of work, hes rlly fucked up

💘 What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

by not ?? physically attacking sb ???? nah idk. probably soft little affectionate things, resting his head on ur shoulder, holding ur hand first etc. honestly one of the best things would be like telling u abt his whole fucked up past, he doesnt talk abt it ever, like eVEr so if he told you he must trust and love u

💦 At what age did my muse lose their virginity?

mmmmm maybe when he was like 18?? maybe 17 ??

😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks? 

idk tbh. havent figured it out

👠 What was my muse’s last serious relationship like? 

he hasnt had a serious relationship, its all be flings or quick relationships. ppl just use him rip

🏩 What was my muse’s first time like? 

kinda meh. hes never been with someone that rlly cares abt him so its just like. eh

💔 What was my muse’s first heartbreak? 

i dont think hes even really properly been heartbroken. he thinks he has when hes gotten dumped and stuff, but yknow it was never that serious

💑 What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner? 

not much,,, jsut liking him tbh. he craves love and attention so give him that and hes heart eyes

💘 What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

hes pretty affectionate, so lots of that, lots of cuddles and stuff. but yeah also hes very self sacrificing so you’ll know, he’ll jsut wanna give u things and do things for you and make you happy

💦 At what age did my muse lose their virginity?

hes a virgin :T

😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks? 

idk jsut?? anything that’ll please the person he likes ??? i rlly dont know what he himself likes bc hes so concerned with other ppl

👠 What was my muse’s last serious relationship like? 

never had one

🏩 What was my muse’s first time like? 

n/a bruh

💔 What was my muse’s first heartbreak? 

he hasnt rlly had one??

💑 What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner? 

uhhhhhhh idk, someone he thinks is cool. i think his type is probably ppl older than him?? and also ina  fucked up kinda way older brother t y pe s???? yikes but anyway

💘 What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

mmmm similar to katsu he’ll do things for you, want to help you, want to touch you, things like that