#IMAGINE HOW I FELT. WAITING TWO WEEKS FOR THE NEXT EP TO COME OUT.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HEY. MAC. HEY. SO EMIZEL GOT FUCKING DISINTEGRATED. WHAT THE FUCK. BRO GOT HIS ARM CUT OFF AND THEN ALL HIS SKIN BURNED OFF AND THEN HE JUST TURNED INTO DUST. BRO IS ASHES RN. BRO IS DUST. HE FUCKING DIED. THE DIERRRRRRR. WHAT THE HELL. MAC. HE’S COMING BACK RIGHT. THEYRE NOT LETTING HIM DIE YET RIGHT. HE’S GONNA COME BACK SOMEHOW RIGHT. SHILO IS GONNA PIECE HIS BROTHER’S ASHES TOGETHER AND DO SOME KINDA VAMPIRE SPELL TO BRING HIM BACK RIGHT. MAC. MAC I’M GOING TO EAT GLASS. MAC. MY BABYGIRL. WHAT IS SODA GOING TO DO WITHOUT HIS BF. MACCCCCC

UM. I THINK. PERHAPS. YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THE NEXT EPISODE ❤️

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

My Weekly Roundup CW 28

I had a little hiatus on this format, but I am back again. I missed writing about my favorite and not so favorite shows. This week was a real roller coaster! I have watched so much good stuff, but also so much meh stuff.

And yes, this will contain spoilers!

1. Be My Favorite (Ep 8)

Those two are my safe place at the moment. Kawi has understood. He understood that if he wanted to change the future so that no one suffers, he finally had to be honest with himself. It was a process that the drunken subconscious had already completed, only his sober self still struggled a bit to understand that Pisaeng is the one he likes. But we can put that behind us now. He has confessed his feelings to Pisaeng and has now given Pisaeng the chance to court him and I can't wait for that! What I found very successful realized this week was to show how solid Pisaeng is as a person. Even though his life isn't going the way he wants it to (stupid friends and a crush who probably, at this point anyway, doesn't like him in a romantic way) he is still at peace with himself. Our old friend, the little miracle fixer with a few magic tricks up his sleeve, asks him if he should give him a hand and Pisaeng simply replies that he can handle it. I don't even like to imagine what would have happened if he had accepted the help. Pisaeng has nothing to reproach himself for and doesn't regret his previous decisions. Once again, this series simply enchanted me. We all wish from time to time to undo events of the past, but don't think about what impact our decisions and actions would have on the lives of others as well. And Kawi has only thought until the next smile from Paer. But that he as a person was not even ready to shape the future according to his own wishes, he did not understand, which is why he ended up becoming an alcoholic and everyone around him is unhappy. He has had a life in his mind's eye that he thought would make him happy, which it wouldn't because he never got a clue about what would make him truly happy. Until now. And I think it's good that he's allowing himself to be loved and to love.

2. Tokyo in April is... (Ep 5)

I don't know exactly how many times this episode brought tears to my eyes. This series feels so hopeful on one hand and so melancholy on the other. I felt all the emotions along with Ren this week. There was this longing to be close to Kazuma. How he buttoned his shirt and Ren literally melted in this physical closeness. And on the other hand, still the fear of not being good enough for him. When Kazuma offer him the shirt, Ren protests briefly if it's really okay to wear this new and expensive shirt. For Kazuma, it is not a question at all, as he has loved Ren for over ten years. There's nothing but love for Ren, and Ren is worth so much more than a silly shirt. I suffered along with Ren trying to contact Kazuma after he had to go to France, and broke when the connection between them was cut off altogether. And I felt pure joy when the two pairs of shoes were in the doorway and Kazuma sent him the text message with the food and asking when Ren was coming home. I'm very curious to see how they will continue the Sanada story and how extreme they will get.

3. Stay With Me (Ep 5-8)

Whew, this series is killing me. But I love it. You can see parallels to Addicted, and in fact I'm actively trying to avoid comparisons so I don't denigrate the series itself. But we get told so much more than we did in the first adaptation. And it doesn't bother me that Su Yu and Wu Bi aren't as actively bl as Gu Hai and Bai Lou Yin. Maybe it doesn't bother me because I don't know the novel and can't compare the series with it. Anyway, they found out this week that they are stepbrothers and they despise each other again. Well, anyway, that's what they like to tell themselves, but Wu Bi has already stated quite drunkenly that he just can't hate him and doesn't want to hurt him. And Su Yu can no longer pretend that he doesn't miss him either. That's when his own subconscious snapped him out of it, when he thought Wu Bi was sitting in his seat again and a smile crept into Su Yu's face. I think it's just delightful and the acting is really good. Story-wise they do a lot of things right too and the narration feels natural and fluid. I'm absolutely thrilled with the series and it doesn't bother me in the end if we don't get any hot bed scenes. Maybe there's a kiss in it, maybe not. As far as I know, the series is not aired in China, which means they didn't suffer from censorship. The chemistry between Su Yu and Wu Bi is definitely there and great. And honestly, a jealous Wu Bi was already cute and fun to watch. And with scenes like the bicycle rid I am totally satisfied.

4. Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Ep 2)

While I found the first episode very exhausting, I liked the second one much better. It's nice to see what's going on in Minato's head. He can't show it to the outside world how much he loves Shin and as soon as he's with him a bit longer or looks into his face, he runs the risk of giving in to his emotions. Which Shin would have rather less of a problem with. It's frustrating to watch, but with a little more understanding of where Minato is coming from and how much he's suppressed his own feelings over the years, coupled with some internal homophobia, you can understand why he's always trying to control himself and is afraid to let go and live the feelings that burn inside him. The nice thing is that Shin knows who Minato is and appreciates and classifies the little things he does for him. And should Minato eventually get to the point of telling Shin how much he loves him, we'll probably see Shin rapturously slip away into another realm. But yes, with the second episode, the joy of the series has finally returned.

5. La Pluie (Ep 12 - Final)

I'll be honest, the show lost me by the tenth episode. Definitely Patts and Saengtai as a couple. And I also have to confess that I fast-forwarded half of the episode this week. Well, actually, I watched in rapture as Longfom finally told Tien in cotton-candy sweetness that he liked him, and as Tien accepted his confession and landed in his arms overjoyed I couldn't suppress a short squeal. And then came that half-hour montage of Tai looking for Patts. Yes, he had to do some searching, but instead of street impressions and watching Tai ask people if they've seen this vet, I actually would have liked a little more cosiness from Patts and Tai. I could have lived with a short time jump, I don't know, three years into the future. The end came a bit too fast, after all the torture we had to endure. And I don't even want to talk about the ending itself. What kind of shit was that? Should there be a spin-off? Nah, thanks, but I don't need it. Tien was happy for five fucking minutes. Give this boy a break! For me the series ended here:

6. Hidden Agenda (Ep 2)

It's not going to be my highly anticipated series of the week, but I at least liked the second episode a little better than the first. Joke has made it to the debate club and can now help Zo realize his hidden agenda of landing Nita and also tackle his own hidden agenda of courting Zo at the same time. I mean yeah, we know how it's going to turn out. It shouldn't be too much of a surprise at the end, the basic idea of the series is too familiar for that, but still, you can enjoy the ride to the end anyway. The only thing that might be turned off during the ride would be the radio….

7. Low Frequency (Ep 2)

Well, the story itself is interesting. It would just be so nice if the actors didn't just stop acting when they don't have a speaking part. I mean Mon on the one hand looks like he's permanently stoned and like his brain is very empty from time to time. The dialogue just doesn't feel natural, it feels very contrived, which I don't blame the actors for, the director should actually see that and explain to them how to do it better. Well, maybe he thought it was just right…As I said, I like the story and I'll keep watching, but it's amazing how natural the series still feels at 1.5x speed. Well, Thames is a ghost now, whether he's dead or not, I really didn't get Mons' explanation. All I know is that the good guardian spirit gave Mon the important advice not to fall in love with Thames while Thames is standing next to him, and there's never another word said about it, but let's not kid ourselves, Mon is already over the hill with his feelings. We also learn that Thames has been the victim of a plot and that they tried to frame him for the drunk driving accident. No alcohol was detected in the blood, but there was a smell of alcohol at the scene of the accident. Reason enough to cancel him, sure. Why the management doesn't go to the press and say that no blood alcohol was detected, I don't know…But in the end it's not that important. Because this way we can see how Mon will help Thames. How exactly we will see maybe next week.

8. Step By Step (Ep 12 - Final)

The series started out strong. That is, I liked the first episodes and Jeng was and is a feast for the eyes. But my problems with the series started very early. I couldn't really relate to the characters. Pat was whiny and naive. I couldn't understand why Jeng fell in love with him. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just can't see Pat as a potential partner. He's not nearly as mature in my eyes as he should be and as Jeng wants him to be. And Jeng, to me, is a toxic partner. One often thinks of toxic as partners who are either violent whether physically or psychologically or who cheat or manipulate, but Jeng is toxic in a different way. He doesn't leave Pat's growth to himself, but tries to push him into roles he doesn't want to take (yet). But in the process, he also forgets about normal processes and hierarchies. All of this wouldn't have even bothered me all that much if the side story had just been spun on. I still think it's underwhelming that Jaab and Jane were just erased like that. Their story started out so strong and I was really looking forward to it and then Jane breaks up with his boyfriend and Jaab is mad at him? Yeah, that's when it stopped for for me. And after that they were hardly a topic and worst of all was the finale, where they were given a short side scene and you only saw Jaab. It's absolutely unclear what their relationship is. And please, no spin-off! This can't be anything good. In the end, I'm really disappointed in the series and don't miss it. No rewatch potential for me.

9. Dinosaur Love (Ep 4)

To describe this series I would say it is the perfect series for a Sunday evening. After a busy work week and maybe a hectic weekend, it can't get any worse than this series. And for the new week, you can tell yourself it can only get better from here on out. In this fourth episode, Rak has now moved into the dorm, got a roommate who is a real asset to the series with his captivatingly quick manner, Dino has made contact with Rak's father in a creepy way (from where did he et the number?), Dino sang really, really badly, we realized once again that friends should not be trusted in this universe, and Mek is just plain dumb. It was a feast again!

Honorable Mention

His Man Season 2 (Ep 8+9)

I love watching this one so much! There is so much drama going on, but it is not in any cometition with the other series I watch during the week. It is a datin show, so I can't rate it like the full scripted shows. But I love every second of this and I love talking about it with @leonpob! Thank you so much for reaching out! 🤍

Dropped This Week

Yes, there are some shows I am not willing to waist my time with... Not that many, but lately I understood that I can't watch everything!

Be Mine Superstar

After the second episode I just couldn't go on. I don't like the mains, especially Punn. He was just annoying and a big nope for me.

[shouldiusemyname]

This week on Ep 5 of

MY GAY AGENDA

First of all I gotta say, Tee is coming for my soul and it's personal. I DID NOT imagine in my wildest Thai bl dreams that I would be emotional over JoongDunk. I don't know how he did it, but he got me there. He knows how to get things out of these boys and it's making all the difference.

About the ep itself - I think it was quite interesting to see how Zo is handling his emotions. He is clearly lost and trying to figure things out. But, true to form, he doesn't want to be an inconvenience to Joke. And, on a side note - Zo honey, Nita isn't even aware of what's happening in your drama, you are not inconveniencing her.

It is hurting me sm to think that this boy is lost and confused and doubting his feelings because he feels he is a burden or an inconvenience.

Come to think of it, this entire ep was only Zo, Joke, Zo's mother, Jeng, and Pok. This was all the inner circle - family, biological and found. Zo feels safe talking things out with Pok because he's the only (other) gay in the village, so to speak. In this context, I liked the way Zo was with his mother - not telling the whole truth, trying to keep his private life private, trying to figure out what to say and how, and just really being me when I don't want my mom's nose in my stuff (I said he was coming for me and it's personal). Also, I feel like there's more to his family story that we don't know yet...

Joke on the other hand, goes to his cousin for comfort and some advice. I'm not sure if he really has no friends or he just chooses to keep to himself, but that karaoke bar scene felt very lonely to me...

Now for my favorite part of this ep - Nita and Pok KNOW WHAT'S UP!

We saw the looks you two were giving to each other and the smile and nod, and we love the support. (Apologies for the quality, I don't really know how to gif)

This is basically what I have for this ep. I love their journey so far and I can't wait for next week. I'm really curious about the conversation between Zo and Nita cos if he went to her for advice about how to deal with Joke, it's priceless!

[spacetraveltoseethegalexy]

Who loves Ahsoka?

I saw this post on reddit a while back of someone wondering if Ahsoka was popular with female fans in the Star Wars franchise. My answer to that, from my personal experience is yes! I have loved Ahsoka since I was 7 years old, when the Clone Wars movie first aired. I was apprehensive about her in the trailers as I knew Anakin never mentioned a Padawan in the movies so adding her later felt weird to me.

BUT, BUT, the biggest BUT you can imagine, I grew to love Ahsoka. By the end of the movie I was obsessed. I was enamored with her. She was my Luke Skywalker (I still adore Luke don't come for me). But Ahsoka's character is what brought the magic of Star Wars to me. It made me a life long fan. I loved her. I loved how she was cocky, witty and wasn't afraid to speak her mind. She wanted to be the hero and save the day! What kid didn't imagine themselves as the hero? Having super powers and fighting bad guys so good could prevail. She was that for me. She was my hero ever since then.

I talked about her in class, picked her name for make believe at recess, wrote short stories about her, told anyone who would listen about her. I went as Ahsoka for Halloween in 2008 or 2009 I can't recall, and though most people did'nt know who I was, I was happy to explain who Ahsoka was to each house. Im pretty sure I talked the ear off of every person passing out candy that year. I learned how to tell and keep track of time by when the episodes of Clone Wars would air and would tell people "oh that happened two episodes ago". My week would end on Friday when a new ep would air and my week would start on Sunday when my wait began for next episode (early seasons aired ep of Friday and later seasons aired on Saturday morning). Each night I would tell myself a different version of how I thought next week's episode would go based on the promos. I would almost cry if I thought Ahsoka was going to die in episodes. When Cargo of Doom aired my 8 year old self fell off the couch in shock and sadness because I thought Ahsoka was going to die. I know dramatic, but she was my favorite character and I was 7-8years old.I mean she still is my favorite character across all media. I kept waiting for another character to come along and replace her, I have always been in fandom since I was little so I assumed it was bound to happen. It never did though. I adore her.

So to answer that redditor, yes Ahsoka was loved by female fans. Ahsoka took me from being a casual fan to a life long fan. I look forward to wherever her story goes regardless, because even though I am 22 now, that 7 year old girl is still watching.

Thank you if you read this far. I appreciate you.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

Sept 2021 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bite Me Ep 4 (Viu & Viki) - people always talk about how much time and patience it takes to make Thai deserts and I think maybe this show is trying to teach us all that life lesson. I’m still loving the quiet pace of it but I’m sure many are finding it dull as dishwater. The leads are good, even though they’re not being given much to work with (script, what script?) they sure seem sweet on each other. 

Don’t Say No Ep 8 (Line) - having decided that this is basically MAME fanficcing all over herself, I decided this week that this show is ALSO a soap opera, and now I don’t mind anything about anything anymore. The recaps continue apace, and I got pun happy and made up some silly BL soap opera titles. 

7 Project Ep 4 (miss-labeled ep 3 on YouTube ) Once Upon A Time (iQiYi & YouTube) - BounPrem showing us why they are one of the most popular Thai acting pairs, they do LTR beautifully. This installment hurt a lot. Too close to home for any queer who has struggled to come out, been/dated a closet case, and/or went for overachievement and perfection in other parts of life to compensate for the perceived “weakness” of being gay. Which is... oh let me guess... why yes: ALL OF US. Mek makes the right call, and we all know it, but it was real hard to watch. While this one felt like the most cohesive vignette in this series, I still felt taxed by it. Honestly, why does Thailand struggle so much with short form when Strongberry can give us an entire cohesive story in two 7 minute installments? Bah, I’m frustrated. 7 Project is upsetting me. I’m having negative feels, okay? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Peach of Time Ep 8, 9 (WeTV & Viki not USA, I’m finding it on DM) - so many BL tropes this time around (hair dry etc) that I have to conclude this show is falling solidly into the BL genre (despite the inevitable ending, remember HEA is not guaranteed with BL). I doubted it at first. Silly me. It really is adorable but quite sad. Did I cry? Yes I did. I have to say YoonOh has grown on me, the actor is really good and it’s a nice contrast to Peach’s softness. (Did you notice Peach uses chan instead of pom with YoonOh? Fascinating.)  I’m starting to pipe dream other combos. Anyone know if Mew or Saint speak Mandarin? Imagine what either one of those boys might get up to in Taiwan... just saying. 

- Friend or Lover (YouTube) Ep 6 - still waiting on the final of this Taiwanese indie series.

Love is Science? (BL sub plot Viki) Ep 14 - still not subbed on Viki so I’ll review it next week. 

Love Is the series (YouTube) Ep 4 - it’s fine for a V-BL, not wowing me but not scaring me by going off the rails the way some have. 

See You After Quarantine? (Viki) Ep 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5 - this Japan/Taiwan crossover BL is set during C19 and is their answer to Gameboys and IT’S GREAT. I’m calling it for Taiwan since it just *feels* more like a Taiwanese piece. It’s truly adorable, light weight, and VERY queer. I adore it. 

The Tasty Florida (Viki) Ep 1 & 2 - Korean BL staring Yoo Hwan of SPEED in an 8 episode run of less than 10 minutes each (we back to Korea being a short arse). Hitting us RIGHT off the bat (TS 1.20) with both a rescue and a crash into me trope. We got us a country mouse foundation and an innocent little floppy-haired cutie with an inclination to voiceover, HaeWon. The 4 rooftop pink-shirts are all different yet perfectly K-pop hot and I’m getting Boys Over Flowers vibes. It’s cool, and very relaxed for a Koren BL (which often feel stiff). More To My Star than Light On Me. I like everything about this show but the perilla oil (I love most vegetables but shiso/perilla leaf, nope.) Also, bonus we got us an out bisexual Harold, thus I predict Second Lead syndrome for me! WEEEEEEE!  

In Case You Missed It

Korean queer studio Strongberry dropped the second chapter of their micro series A First Love Story Ep.2. It’s so so so good. We do not deserve them. 

Chapter of Green is a new Thai BL airing on TikTok (the way that Starhunter one did - what was it called? - Roommates, or something). Anygay I don’t tok the tik so all ya’ll are on your own with this puppy. No MDL listing. Started Sept 17 and drops new eps every Mon, Weds, Fri.

GOSSIP! 

Between Us has supposedly started filming. Tumblr caught fire over Boun posting to his insta (or something) a photo of the Win wings tattoo on his back once again. There was also supposedly a Between Us LIVE on Sept. 21st. Between Us (based on the y-novel Hemp Rope) is the Thai BL follow up to Until We Meet Again. 

GMMTV seems to have also started filming Enchante. This is a little sad because we all though Bad Buddy or Not Me was next, but I’m still excited about this BL and happy to see new leads. 

We might be getting a season 2 of Korean BL To My Star (thanks for the tip, Sarge). This is one of my few 10/10 rated BLs, so it makes me nervous. Why mess with perfection? But I do love this pair. So, yes please but also DON’T FUCK IT UP. 

There is a new Laotian BL coming called 7 Days 7 Boys, it will be on Tara Academy’s YouTube channel. 

KinnPorsche more info. 

New Japanese BL coming too: Vanishing My First Love AKA Kieta Hatsukoi (also The First Love That Disappeared, My Love Mix-Up! look Japanese BL does this with titles). This is adapted of a manga and features a bisexual main character with a male/male\female love triangle (not sure if it’s real or faen fatale). Starts airing October 9 on TV Asahi, but it has not yet been picked up for international distribution. (If it doesn’t we will have to wait for indie subs... makes big pleading eyes at Mitch of irozuku.org) LOOK AT THE PRETTY: 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International subs accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

This week’s best moments?

[angstsfordays]

Beautiful Pain (1)

Chapter One- A post-Blip world

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Reader

Summary: Post-Blip, you started to feel lost when most of the Avengers team are gone. Coping with your loss, you still find hope in the connection with your remaining friends. However, it is not easy as everyone is trying to figure their lives after the Blip.

Having a long history with Bucky ever since you both saved each other from Hydra, you were still glad you had Bucky after all this time. However, as you try to give Bucky space to find himself after being pardoned for his past, you start to wonder if you should ever cross the line of friendship before it’s too late.

That thought might have to be put on hold though, when you, Sam and Bucky find yourselves having to deal with threats that continue to rise in a post-blip world.

Chapter synopsis: Post-Blip, you find yourself more alone than ever as old friends are forever gone. You and Bucky struggle with finding life's purpose while trying to move on.

Warnings: Angst. A lot of guilt and self-blaming. Spoiler for ep 1 if you haven't seen it!

Word count: 2.4k

Notes: Here's the first chapter of the series! Check out the prologue if you have not done so! It gives you an insight into the OC's background and history with Bucky before TFATWS.

Hope you enjoy this read!

Opening up a tag list for the first time since I have gotten a request! Message or comment to let me know!

Leave a like, reblog or comment to let me know what you think! 🥰

Previous: Prologue | Next: Chapter Two |

-------------------------//---------------------------

Present-day

Bucky felt his heart stopped for a moment when he realised what he was about to do to the terrified man from his dreams. Before he could imagine the next scene, his eyes flew wide open and he immediately sat up.

Assessing his surroundings to see that the television was still on, he realised he was home and have woken up from a nightmare. Even though Hydra’s brainwashing has been removed, the memories from his dark past continued to plague him.

The summer blanket you got for him pooled around his waist, his right hand reached out to give it a soft squeeze. The soft texture of the fabric comforted him emotionally as he sat on the cold hard floor. As he regained steady breathing, he looked around to see that it was still the early hours of the night.

He reached out for his flip phone- the one you couldn’t believe he insisted to buy over a regular smartphone. Pressing the buttons, he went to his inbox to see an unread message from you. Bucky contemplated opening it but decided to continue when he decided he wanted to hear from you.

Ever since the blip occurred, the days and weeks seemed to be a blur. Sooner than he realised, six months had just passed like that.

When Steve decided to go back to the past for good, all three of you including Sam were at a sudden loss. Bucky was disappointed but not surprised at Steve’s decision. Sam wanted the best for Steve and showed his support.

However, you were the most affected out of the group. He knew that despite putting a brave front, you were struggling with the loss of your friends in a short span of time. After all, you had spent a good amount of time with the Avengers and had a developed a close relationship with most of the team.

Bucky remembered how you immediately slumped to the floor when you heard the news about Natasha. You were at a loss of words before you started to break down when Steve went to comfort you. You always regarded Natasha as an older sister so her death hit you hard.

He recalled how you held back your tears at Tony’s funeral as you did not want to further bring down the atmosphere when Pepper and Morgan were there. He remembered how Tony was like an annoying but endearing older brother.

When Steve was disappeared from his spot, you didn’t think much of it thinking he would return in a matter of seconds after returning the stones. However, when all three of you looked to see an ageing Steve, you were the first to run up to him. Despite the astonishing expression that painted your face, you reached out to hold Steve’s hands to check if he was real.

Steve’s decision to pass Sam the shield was no surprise to Bucky. Even though Bucky found Sam irritating at times, Bucky knew he was a good man.

While you chose to accept Steve’s choice, it started to sink into your mind that the people once closest to you were gone or getting further. Bucky remembered how you were reluctant to let Steve walk away and Steve let you hold onto him longer.

You and Bucky decided to not let each other be alone that night. You two figured that at least you had each other and you wanted to cherish that.

-------------------—---//----------------------------

Moving forward, Sam had decided to find work with the U.S air force. Sam checked in on Bucky from time to time but Bucky contemplated to respond. After being pardoned for his past, Bucky found himself compensated but he still felt like a prisoner.

He was required to attend court-mandated therapy sessions to make sure he was doing well. You know that it was just a way for the government to have him under surveillance and in check.

He might be the oldest prisoner of war but he was still a super soldier and one with a vibranium arm. Bucky knew he was still deemed as dangerous in their eyes.

When you and Bucky discussed how to move forward, he confided that he wanted to make amends and you showed your support. When he asked about you, you seemed hesitant and a little lost for an answer.

The Avengers are gone. There was no more S.H.I.E.L.D.

Who were you now? What are you fighting for? What is going to be your purpose moving forward? These were all the questions swimming in your head.

You were reluctant to tell Bucky yet but a government official had paid you a visit while you were waiting for Bucky to finish his therapy session.

You were offered a position in a task force to maintain global security in light of a post-blip world. Given your abilities, you were viewed as an invaluable asset. However, you knew better than to take their words for it.

Revealing your hesitance, the official took a harder approach and laid out the truth. You were viewed as a potential threat if you were to not co-operate with the government. You are an unsupervised enhanced individual that is roaming freely. They do not want to allow that in the event that you were to do anything out of your own jurisdiction.

It was the Sokovia Accords all over again, you thought. The official added that you no longer had the Avengers team to fall back on. His words only added to the ache in your heart as you were reminded of your lost friends.

Additionally, he let off that Wanda had been involved in an event that caused the government to review their management of enhanced individuals in the country. Wanda was out of their reach but you were still around. They knew that you have been sticking by Bucky and thus decided to come for you.

Remembering Steve's words from the times of the civil war between the Avengers, you were not able to let yourself trust any words that the official said.

You didn’t want to let yourself be controlled especially by the government whom you knew had hidden agendas that they would not reveal to you. Their words of praises of how you would be a great addition made you felt like you would be nothing more than a tool in their master plans.

“What if I refuse?” You spoke to the official. The official's eyes hardened and his jaw clenched.

“Then Ms L/N, we will have to view you as a threat to national and global security.” You scoffed at his words when you stared dead into his eyes.

“You forgot that I was one of the many to help fight Thanos and brought the world back. This is how you decided to treat me after giving my service to this country? To this world?” You shot back in distaste.

You turned your back on the guy and walked off without giving him a chance to answer.

--------------------------//--------------------------

Hey Buck, I managed to find Wanda and decided to accompany her for a bit. She needs someone now.

I will let you know when I am back.

Don’t miss me too much ok! ;)

Bucky couldn’t help the smile that formed on his face at your last sentence. He missed you but he knew that you had things to attend to. He understood how much you valued your remaining friends. Wanda, being one of them.

-----------------—-----//---------------------———

Bucky sighed when he realised that he was not going to get away easy with today’s therapy session. Dr Raynor was really trying to push his buttons and even took out her darn notebook again.

That ticked Bucky off the most and he reluctantly gave in. He began to share about how he crossed another name on his list of amends. Dr Raynor then gave her opinion about how even making amends wasn’t able to help with his nightmares.

Bucky continued to deny that he had any at all but he knew Dr Raynor was not convinced. Glimpsing down briefly with an unconvinced look, Dr Raynor looked back up to Bucky.

“Look. One day, you’re gonna have to open up and understand that some people really do want to help you and that they can be trusted.”

“I trust people.” Not all but maybe just one. Only one person came to his immediate thought.

“Yeah, give me your phone.” Dr Raynor put aside her notebook before reaching over to take Bucky’s phone from him. As she searched up his contact list, she remarked that there wasn’t even ten numbers in it.

“Oh, and you’ve been ignoring the texts from Sam. Look, you gotta nurture friendships.” She spoke before noting that she was the only person Bucky called all week and how sad it was.

Dr Raynor was going to continue before she stopped herself. She opened up the chat with your name and read your last message to Bucky.

“What about Y/N?”

“What about her?” Bucky retorted.

“Seems like she’s someone you are close to?” Dr Raynor tried to imply something.

“She’s a friend,” Bucky answered firmly. Dr Raynor gave Bucky a glance before probing further. “I’ve seen her around before when she accompanied you at the beginning of your session. She seems nice.”

“She is,” Bucky answered curtly once more before deciding to shoot back, knowing his therapist was trying to probe more than he was willing to share. “What are you insinuating, doc?”

“Nothing. I am glad you at least have one friend. But you need to make more connections with other people.” Dr Raynor tried explaining. Bucky drifted off in his thoughts for a moment, thinking about how he didn’t need more people. He was fine with just you but he didn’t want to let on more than he wanted to.

He didn’t feel the need to explain about his relationship with you when you knew you two were solid. Bucky sighed internally when his therapist asked him what he wanted. Bucky thought of the calm and peace he had in Wakanda, his mind replaying the moments of you and him living a carefree life on the farm.

When he was told that he was finally free, he questioned “to do what?”. Was he ever truly free? The memories from his past, the long list of amends he had in his notebook. Could he ever truly be free from the guilt that constantly plagues him?

As Bucky made his way back to his apartment, he spotted his neighbour, Yori arguing with another neighbour, Unique over the trash. He reassured that he could take care of Yori to this Unique fellow before catching up with the grumbling old man in the alley.

Bucky convinced him that he would give a treat at their usual sushi place and that managed to pacify Yori’s mood.

-------------—-----——//---------------------——

When they were at Izzy’s, Yori mentioned how no one made it past 90 years in the obituary of the newspaper. The familiar waitress came up to the two and remarked if they were feeling adventurous since they did not order the usual.

Giving him a slight smirk, Yori suggested that Bucky should ask her out. Bucky immediately shook his head and gave Yori a bewildered look like he was crazy.

“Why not? Are you seeing that pretty friend of yours that always come to visit?” Bucky knew Yori was referring to you and immediately tried to refute the notion.

“Y/N’s just a friend.”

“Could have convinced me otherwise. You two seem really close.” Yori scoffed at Bucky’s statement.

“Such a pity. If I were 50 years younger, I would have made a move already.” Bucky chuckled at how Yori, despite being a grumpy senior most of the times, actually tried to make a witty joke. He silently agreed that you were indeed a catch and how it was crazy you have not been with anyone.

Well then again, you have always been with him all this while. Of course, as a friend, Bucky tried to convince himself that there was no way he would have a shot with you. You were too good for him and you definitely deserved someone better.

Even though he tried to convince himself, Bucky does not know what to do if you had managed to find someone and will eventually leave him to be on his own. He shook himself out of his inner thoughts and before he knew it, Yori spoke to the waitress.

“He would like to take you out on a date.” Bucky’s eyes shot wide open when he realised what Yori had actually done. Bucky tried to apologise on behalf of Yori for his bizarre behaviour but the waitress did not seem to mind. In fact, she was game and agreed.

After she went off to attend to other customers, Bucky shook his head and couldn’t believe Yori actually became his wingman. Yori then suddenly went silent for a moment. Bucky was nervous before hearing how Yori spoke of his beloved son who had passed away due to an incident.

Bucky listened intently with the guilt gnawing in his gut, his heart heavy with all of the weight of the world.

------———------------//------------------------—

Bucky convinced himself to go on the date with Leah. He decided to give himself the chance to make more connections as Dr Raynor had advised. The date was going well in fact. Leah seemed like a great gal but Bucky felt himself holding back.

There were just too many secrets he was holding in. What would she think if she knew who he really was? Would she even want to be in the same room as him then?

While he tried the whole online dating thing (much to your masked disappointment and amusement), he was not convinced if he could really make a romantic connection with anyone. Who was he kidding? Could he ever?

When the topic of conversation turned to Yori, the overwhelming sensation started to descend onto Bucky’s consciousness. Before he could stop, he immediately tapped out. Giving a pathetic excuse, Bucky rushed back to Yori’s apartment and had the urge to tell him the truth.

However, when he saw the altar that Yori had dedicated to his son, Bucky withdrew himself. He did not want to lose a friend in Yori even though he was dying to say the truth.

Bucky pretended to come up with an excuse to a confused Yori by paying his half of lunch before stalking off. When Bucky returned to his place, he opened up his notebook and stared at Yori’s name.

What was he to do?

A ring on his phone averted his intense thoughts and he reached for his phone.

Hey Buck, I am done on my side.

Would be back soon!

Can’t wait to see you again, missed you!

Bucky clutched his phone tighter and brought it close to his heart. He started counting down the hours till he could welcome you back in his arms.

-------------———----//------------------------——

[hacash]

Ted Lasso 2x02 thoughts

Even though they didn’t have many scenes together, Rebecca and Ted’s conversation about Absolutely Not Needing Therapy was heart-breakingly good. Please get these folks on the couch by the end of the season!

Oh God what happened to Ted’s father?! We keep on having little snippets of insight that indicates his childhood wasn’t all sunshine and roses, and yet from his references to his parents it feels like he did love them enough to remember them fondly. I have a horrible feeling that ‘he was harder on himself than he ever was on me’ suggests some sort of addiction or possibly even suicide attempt, but we’ll have to wait and see. (And the fact that Ted’s driving impulse to bring Jamie back wasn’t ‘he’s a good player’ but ‘he has a shit dad’ speaks volumes.)

I love these little snippets of Silly!Rebecca we’re getting: joking with Higgins and (in my mind) paying Sharon back for the temerity of not adoring Ted’s biscuits by making her welcome gift be bottled water.

Roy Kent loving white orchids and stanning li’l Kokoruda is something I’m here for. Also if Roy was a football pundit I would actually watch football shows on the TV, just saying.

Last week’s ep where Dani was seen waking up with two beautiful women felt like a bit of a throwaway gag just to remind us that footballers can totally get it - so I quite like that that was balanced out by Roy eating out Keeley while she watches his farewell speech. Whattaman whattaman.

Also thank you to every single person in that writers’ room for not making female masturbation a big deal. 

Seeing more of Sharon and getting more insight into her character made me smile - it feels like her aim is to present herself as a 100% professional at first to make sure she’s taken seriously (you can only imagine that as a black woman she’s had to work twice as hard to be respected in the sports industry)  but I like the little flickers of humour in her and the insight we’re getting into her character.

‘Old people are so wise. They’re like tall Yodas.’ However much I may want to throttle Jamie, I can’t actively wish him off the screen, not when Phil Dunster delivers lines like that.

I knew that the reality TV foray had to be something related to his dad, given that to a hyper-masculine character a romance-based reality tv show would be considered the ‘soft option’. 

I’m also really glad Jamie’s taking steps to improve his life - seeking out Keeley was a nice touch - but also that they’re not just having him come back to the club and be welcomed in with open arms. The message that if you’re a complete jackass it’s good to turn your life around around and yet not everyone is going to be bending over backwards to help you do it is a really important one. 

SAM. Everything about that scene - from the scriptwriters letting the ‘little ray of sunshine’ one actually be angry, to Ted letting Sam say his piece rather than straight away announce Jamie wasn’t coming back because he needed to vent, to us being reminded that Jamie’s dickbaggery had genuine consequences on the team, to Sam requesting punishment laps because he felt bad about yelling at Ted - was sheer perfection.

Little sidenote: I loved that when Sam mouthed off at Ted Isaac’s the one who snapped back at him. I suspect Sam’s going to end up being team captain by the end of the show, but I do love Isaac ‘Rolos’ McAdoo so it’s nice that the show isn’t just using him as a placeholder - we get to see him stepping up and actually being a captain.

Another little underrated moment: while it might be because only a few of the team are speaking cast members, I thought it was interesting that it’s Jamie’s former supporters Colin and Isaac who we see upset that Jamie’s returning. It shows just how much the team’s come together that even these guys don’t want him back.

I know everyone’s worried about Nate’s sudden abrasiveness but I think we get a little insight into it when Higgins’ new office change is announced, seemingly without Ted and Beard consulting Nate about it. There’s a moment when he’s clearly taken aback and even a little hurt that no-one’s actually asked him, and I wonder if that’s where his sharpness originates - throwing your weight around because you don’t want to be put back into that position of feeling powerless and insignificant. Like, I want our old Nate back but I also get where this arc is coming from and I think it’s a totally realistic development.

(I know it’s an ask but I’d really like to see Jamie, Isaac and Colin apologise properly to Nate for hassling him last season.)

(Also I love how we saw a little of the former dorky Nate when he and Higgins utterly failed to do a highfive. I’m still holding out hope for return of the patented Nate Strut!)

I am so excited that the next episode description mentions ‘A player’s return is not welcomed by the team’; because a: I am always here for redemption arcs being something you work hard for, and b: I am always here for more Richmond FC shenanigans.

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x12 Review

Second Chances was a lacklustre finale for an uneven season. Let’s dig in!

Earlier this week I re-watched S1 in preparation for the S2 finale and the contrast between the two seasons is jarring. In almost every way S2 has been worse and after seeing this finale I’m less optimistic that Tim will be able to fix the long list of things that have gone wrong. Tim has said in some of his interviews today that pretty much all of S2 was written before the pandemic and that they didn’t have to do as much re-writing as people might think due to the stringent safety measures Disney put in place. Of course, that removes an excuse for the bad writing we’ve seen so much of this season as according to Tim what we saw of S2 is largely what he envisioned minus big crowds and background dancers.

 Across his many interviews today, the one consistent point is that Tim does not have any real plans for future seasons; things like Ricky’s endgame he hasn’t decided on and he can’t even guarantee the summer season the finale sets up due to the weather in Salt Lake. I do think a S3 is an almost certainty given the show’s popularity but I’ll take Tim at his word that he truly doesn’t know if they’ll be renewed since it seems to be a new Disney tradition to wait until seasons are done airing before making a renewal decision (the same thing happened for the popular and well received Mighty Ducks: Game Changers which got a silent renewal only after all of S1 aired). That being said as poor of a season finale as Second Chances is it is also a terrible potential series finale. In large part it goes back to his lack of planning, he wants to keep all options open but in doing so Tim is crippling the show’s ability to deliver any pay offs or tie up loose ends.  

The one mostly well done plot line this season was Portwell which got a happy ending tonight as they canoned. The only good thing about the big brother angst was that it was so insane that it had to be addressed and sure enough it was and Gina got her first kiss with a guy she really liked. If Tim is to be believed the reason we didn’t get an on screen Portwell kiss was not because of their age difference or covid concerns but because he felt that everyone’s first kiss was different so he wanted it off screen so viewers could fill in the blanks themselves. Tim’s line of reasoning is profoundly stupid. Imagine if they had Jamie show up and he and Gina talked off screen and Tim tried to claim that because everyone has a different relationship with their own siblings that he wanted the audience to fill in the blanks as to how their conversation went!

Still we saw great character development on Gina and EJ’s part as both really grew from the people they were in S1. As Tim noted, EJ bringing Gina back in 1x10 was kind of the set up for this story line. The only thing missing was a brief Portwell scene sometime in eps 2x01-2x04 to set them up. The consistent development they got from 2x05-2x12 is unlike any other ship on the show; only Rini exceeds their development. 

Unfortunately I don’t think that will last in S3 because Tim will always favour Ricky over EJ and if he wants to do Rina he’ll dispose of Portwell before doing so. I was surprised that they never bothered to have Ricky and Gina have a conversation about Gina’s S1 confession. It was a huge mistake to have Gina pine over Ricky for half the season and it was no surprise that Gina’s story line got instantly better once she stopped interacting with Ricky. Tim has made clear in interviews that he’s still interested in the possibility of Rina which makes his poor writing of them even more bizarre. What conclusions are the audience supposed to draw from the Rina story line this season? That Ricky never cared that much about Gina? That it’s totally fine for the show if they don’t interact for 6 eps in a row? That Gina has moved on? I’ve said before that a wiser man than Tim would recognize that doing both Portwell and Rina will do tremendous damage to the show and he should pick one and not do the other. Of course he’s not that smart but it is wild how he’s accidentally written their story line to make for a perfect end to Rina. 

Second Chances was great and is the only part of the finale that would have been well suited to being part of a potential series finale. 

The Rini closure was a sad inverse of their S1 opening night confession. They’ve fallen so far from being the it couple of the series and I fear Tim doesn’t actually know what to do with them now. He really needs to decide if he’s tearing down that treehouse for real. 

The less said about the Valentine’s chocolates the better but at least Gina and Nini are cool again and Nini can explore her budding music career with Jamie’s help. Tim repeatedly said in interviews that the scripts about Nini’s music career were all written before Driver’s License came out and I think he understands that the audience is just going to see the show as copying from Olivia’s life. 

The wildcats just deciding to drop out of the Menkies was a lame cop out. Tim has said he always meant for that to happen though they were originally going to compete at the Menkies then drop out (presumably that’s where we would have heard Lily singing Home). Somebody should have mentioned the $50 000 prize money which the East High theatre department could surely use after Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara burned it down (remember that story line that had no consequences?). And that NYU scholarship could have been life changing for one of them and yet no one even brought  it up once this season. 

I did like the twist that it was EJ and his dad who got Mazzara into Caltech. He’d be a fool not to take it but I’m glad he confessed to Miss Jenn. She’s had a really rough season and I hope she redeems herself in S3.

Howie was acting so weird tonight and last ep that I have a hard time believing he was really so awed by Kourtney’s talent rather than feeling guilty for helping to steal the harness. The harness is another useless plot device; there are no consequences for Lily stealing it, she’s not caught, East High pulls off another version of the transformation off screen, and then East High withdraws from the Menkies anyways. Doubtless the harness will eventually come up to serve Rily angst. 

At least Lily was straightforward, I’ll give her that. She has such an odd way of speaking, almost child like. As awful as it is there is potential for a forbidden/secret romance story line with Rily. It really does not speak well to Ricky’s character that he’s so easily fallen for Lily’s act when he has no reason to trust her and she never apologized for making fun of Big Red during the auditions or making Ashlyn feel insecure during the dance off. 

The one way in which S2 was drastically better to S1 was in regards to the Seblos story line. Clearly Joe being bumped up to regular made a big difference. We got the first same-sex kiss between two boys and the first love song sung by one boy to another in Disney history and that is a legacy to be proud of. Of course, there was still some Disney censorship such as Carlos and Seblos being unable to use the word gay in the same ep that focused on Carlos singing In a Heartbeat to Seb. 

S1 of HSMTMTS had a clear direction, the wildcats would have to try and come together to stage High School Musical and Ricky and Nini would have to decide if they still had a future together while Gina and EJ had to work on being better versions of themselves. It was simple sure but it worked very well. There was a lot of heart but also a lot of humor and the show never took itself too seriously. What has S2 had? Beauty and the Beast was hardly the main focus of the cast or the writers and the central couple that S1 was built around is now broken up either for a long time or for good. There was a lot less of the meta moments that jokes that made S1 such a hit, for far too many eps this season the show took itself way too seriously. Hell even the lighting this season was darker than in S1. 

Olivia Rodrigo’s team had complained in a recent article that Olivia wouldn’t be able to potentially tour until fall 2022 due to her contractual commitments which is a sign that they think a S3 is very likely though I wonder how late S3 filming would have to start to keep her occupied until late 2022. There’s no confirmation of this but I thought it might be worth keeping an eye on; a post on r/hsmtmts by someone who claims to have a source working on production says that the plan is for S3 to be a summer theatre camp possibly with Camp Rock renditions and the plan for S4 is to jump 6 months ahead to the final semester of senior year and end with Ricky, Nini, Big Red, and Kourtney graduating from East High. They also say that part of the delay in the S3 announcement is a conflict between Tim and Disney executives. Tim wants to move production to LA and film on sets as it’s easier and cheaper while the Disney execs still want some on location shooting in Salt Lake. Again this is all unconfirmed but if it pans out it will represent a major shift in the series. 

Regardless if Tim wants the show to remain successful he needs start planning out what he wants to happen. He should not assume he’s getting more than 4 seasons. If the series gets a S3 but then is suddenly cancelled then how would he want all the main story lines to wrap up? And if they make it to S4 where does he see it ending? The graduation of the current juniors is a logical series ending point but if Tim wants to do something different he needs to start thinking of that now. I can’t say I’m excited anymore for S3 but I do really hope that Tim and his writers can turn things around and that will only happen if they recognize what they did wrong and learn from their mistakes. 

Until next season Wildcats

[riseofthecommonwoodpile]

I’m listening to the first episode of Maintenance Phase (which is a great podcast btw, I listened to like every other ep first lol) and it’s just making me think about my experience with the first doctor i ever had who didn’t make me feel awful for being fat, so i’m going to vomit that out here to help any skinny people know a little of what it’s like to be fat in the healthcare system. Indulgent personal shit follows:

Every single doctor I’d had as an adult, every single one, would ask what I was doing to lose weight, would point to BMI and obesity charts telling me I was a.) fat and b.) going to die soon because I was so fat. It was something I just had to let happen to get healthcare, and the most frustrating part was that I fucking knew I was fat already. OBVIOUSLY I did. Every person I went on a date with, every coworker who side-eyed my lunch, even people at the supermarket looking like they were about to laugh when I grabbed carrots or broccoli to make myself. Knowing didn’t help. I’d tried constantly for over a decade, and nothing had changed my weight in the way they wanted it to.

So, when I went to find a primary care doc when I moved to Washington, I really assumed the same thing was going to happen. I specifically wore my “lightest” clothing and shoes so they wouldn’t impact my weight too badly, and getting on the scale was legit terrifying, because I didn’t own a scale for the specific reason it felt so bad to see the number come up, and the number ended up being 284, and I almost cried, and I just knew I was about to get yelled at. I’m tense the entire appointment (and my blood pressure reads worryingly high), but she doesn’t say anything about it. We just have a normal first appointment. She says she’s gonna have me get an at-home blood pressure cuff to see if maybe it’s just the office that made me nervous. 

And at the end she asked if I have any questions, and I pretty timidly ask if I should be worried about my weight, if I should be losing weight, and she just said “Nope, all your other vitals are good, we’re gonna get bloodwork done today anyways so we’ll see if there’s any issues there, but everything else looks fine to me.” and i legit started crying, and I told her how I was expecting her to tell me I need to lose 20, 50, 100 pounds, because that’s what other doctors told me, and she just listened and asked me when I was done talking if losing weight was something I wanted to do. I told her yes, and then she asked me a question I hadn’t ever been asked before by a doctor: If we ignore you not being happy with how you look at your weight, and people being rude and shitty to you, is being fat causing you any physical problems?

What a wild question to hear as a fat person! I’d literally never been asked that before. It was just *assumed* it was giving me health problems, and I just assumed that was correct, even though as a 28 year old plenty of patient people had already told me those things aren’t related that directly and concretely, that plenty of fat people are perfectly healthy, and plenty of skinny people are unhealthy. And I took a few seconds to think about it, because I never had before, and I said that my knees hurt sometimes when I bend down, and that I get winded easily. And I said that I know exercise would help those things, but I can’t exercise around other people, I feel too embarrassed, and I’ve never found any at-home stuff that I could keep up with or didn’t make me miserable. 

And she asked what kind of physical stuff I liked as a kid, and I mentioned gymnastics, and she asked if I’d tried yoga, since it has lots of similar stretching, focus on form, things like that, and it would likely help my knees if I started slow at first and worked my way up. and I hadn’t ever tried it, so we decided, together, for me to give it a shot before our follow up appointment to look at my bloodwork. and she emphasized that if I wanted to make it a habit, the most important thing was just to do a little bit each day, even if it’s just 5 minutes. If 30 minutes was too daunting (and let’s be honest, 30 minutes of exercise is daunting even on my days off, let alone after a 9 hour shift on my feet), just do a couple stretches, so that way your body gets used to the idea of doing it. trying to do 30 minutes 5 days a week would just mean i never did it at all.

And after we ended the appointment, suddenly I wasn’t afraid to go to the doctor anymore, imagine that! The next time I went, my blood pressure was perfect because I knew I wasn’t going to be insulted and made to feel awful, I wasn’t waiting to be told the thing I’d been told for years and tried to change, but just kept getting worse at. And, incidentally, I did end up losing weight- I’m at 225ish right now, in just like two years, which I don’t say as a “go me”, because it doesn’t matter, and for plenty of people, lifestyle changes wouldn’t have done that anyways, and there’s fucking nothing wrong with being 284 pounds, but just to point out that the only thing that actually *worked* to accomplish the goal of all the doctors I had before was not caring about that goal. None of their hectoring and shaming did the thing they wanted, and the thing so many people cautioned against- “glorifying obesity”, aka just not making fat people feel like dogshit all the time- was what gave me the mental energy to exercise regularly, to eat better. 

because I wasn’t weighing myself, and I knew at the doctor, no matter what the number was, it would be ok, I felt ok asking questions, bringing up problems I had getting cooking into my schedule, asking for help on health-related things instead of just a number over and over and over again. I was less stressed, I felt better about myself and my body, which also gave me more mental energy to do the things I wanted to be healthier. not skinnier, healthier. It’s almost like...when doctors care more about their patients’ health than their weight, when they don’t make them feel ashamed and awful, the patient will actually go to the fucking doctor. The patient will listen and care more, will ask questions, will bring up when they’re having problems or something seems off with their body. when i moved to Colorado and had my last appointment with that doctor, I cried and told her she was the best doctor I ever had, and I still tear up thinking of how much she changed and improved my life by just being a good fucking doctor who cared about my health.

also usually i read over my longer posts before i post them to make sure grammar and spelling are ok, but this is long so i didn’t do that, so it’s probably fucked. oh well.

[iceshard1011]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Sanders Sides (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders Characters: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders Additional Tags: Mild Language, great way to start off the tags, Movie Night, Getting Together, Getting Back Together, First Kiss, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Romantic Fluff, allusions to a messy breakup, they're all disney princes, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, because of course it is, also Post-Episode: Flirting with Social Anxiety, because i'm never getting over that ep, Virgil is a smitten bastard, someone get this boy reassurance and cuddles rq, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Good Friend, (and an even better future boyfriend), Nicknames, Banter, look just because they're in love doesn't mean they're not gonna roast each other, Prinxieceit is just everyone needing love and then simultaneously getting that love, it's what they deserve, i stole the title from the lyrics of a song because i have no imagination Summary:

Virgil had wanted them to make up, just... not like this.

At least, that’s what he had thought.

It started with a goddamn Disney movie, because of course it did.

Well, it didn’t, but that was the best way to sum up... everything.

Virgil was curled up against the corner of the couch, knees pressed to his chest. He was as small as he could make himself, but it still felt like Janus was far too close, regardless of being on the other side of the living room. Patton was wrapped in his favourite blanket. Logan was perched, relaxed, beside Janus. Virgil didn’t know how he did it. All he had to do is look in that snake’s direction and his stomach would churn and his heart would start burning and —

Growling silently at himself, Virgil focused on the television: on Ana’s harmonic voice and Hans’ bright expression.

It was then, of all times, that Roman started to sing.

Quiet at first, hardly a hum muffled by barely parted lips. But it was there, and it was more music than the mindscape had heard in weeks.

Patton didn’t react like Virgil knew he truly wanted to (with assumedly deafening squeals and clapping), but he watched the moral side just barely contain excited vibrations. Virgil struggled to hide a smile. He didn’t miss Logan’s subtle appraising glance in the prince’s direction, either.

Then another voice joined in, and Virgil’s beaming heart sunk to the bottom of his stomach.

He tried not to glare at Janus. He didn’t want to cause a scene. It was movie night and it had been more peaceful than most previous tense, uncomfortably quiet nights. He didn’t want to be the one to ruin it for everyone. (For Roman, he wouldn’t admit.)

But Roman hesitated the moment Janus accompanied him, and Virgil could just see the expressions flashing through his face and hear the thoughts to accompany them, despite only seeing the back of his tussle-haired head. He’s already seen it all enough times.

But then he started again and Virgil wondered if this was what mental whiplash felt like.

He sat there, heart in his throat, as he listened to the pair duet to a Disney song about deception and naivety and toxic romance with all the connection and love that they never had.

The gradually widening hole in Virgil’s chest gaped considerably when Janus stood and offered Roman a hand, still singing to Hans’ voice. Virgil had to bite onto a whimper to keep it from leaving his mouth when Roman accepted.

Patton giggled, delighted, as Janus twirled the two of them around the living room, both harmonising like angelic love-struck Disney princes, their voices rising above those of the movie. Even Logan looked amused as he watched.

Virgil felt nothing but sinking dread.

 It had been nearly midnight when Roman had stormed into Virgil’s room, a panicked, emotional mess of a broken heart, and collapsed on the bed beside Virgil. It had been a few weeks since the ‘wedding fiasco’ and Virgil was already sick of it.

Not Roman, to clarify. Never, ever Roman.

But the angst. The tense dinners and awkward conversations. The sneaking glances Janus would shoot at Roman, and the way Roman avoided every single look.

The way Roman’s eyes had stopped glittering. The way he never sang. The way he trembled in Virgil’s grip like a leaf in a storm, like a tortured puppy waiting for another punishment to fall when he least expected.

The way Roman still cried, still begged for things that Virgil couldn’t give him.

The way Janus had taken something as precious as Roman’s unyielding, unconditional trust and loyalty and love, and broken it into a million pieces without ever considering its value.

The way he could do nothing but hide his own tears in ruffled hair and wait for the wails to stop.

“I’m sorry,” he could only whisper on deaf ears, the exhausted prince long passed out in his arms, and, “I’m here. I have you.”

Never it’s okay, or, you’ll be alright. Virgil wasn’t about to echo sentiments that had no guarantee to be true.

He wasn’t sinking to that level.

 “I need to apologise,” Roman had said, his voice cutting through the peaceful silence of the room. Sudden, but not abrupt. He was hardly so dramatic and shocking anymore. Virgil had no idea he could ever miss it so much.

He looked up from his sketch journal and titled his head.

Roman had stopped colouring the printed sheets of calming exercises and was now staring at the ground, turning the green pencil over between his fingers. There was a determined light in his eyes, something that Virgil hadn’t seen in so long. One that he didn’t dare extinguish now.

“Taking the first step would... That would be brave, right?” He looked up at Virgil, still so damn trusting, too damn dependent. “I would be brave again.”

You’ve always been brave, Virgil didn’t say.

Roman deflated at his silence and it felt like a stab to the gut. “M-maybe.... maybe not.”

“No,” Virgil blurted, and Roman looked like Virgil had just slapped him. He stumbled over himself to continue. “I mean — I meant no, wait, because — because that’s a good idea.”

“You really think so?” Roman asked tremulously. Virgil swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Yes,” he said, but it sounded like a lie. Why did it sound like a lie? “Yeah, Princey. Of course.”

Roman’s face fell from its hopeful expression, and Virgil wanted to scream and yell. Wanted to take Roman’s face in his hands and promise that nothing was his fault and he was perfect and fine and Virgil loved every single part of him and Roman never had to worry about anything ever.

“Are you certain?” Roman asked, and Virgil hated how uncertain he was, how uncertain he had never been until these past weeks. Months.

“I think making the first move is the bravest thing anyone could choose to do,” Virgil told him, and it was the most honest thing he had ever said.

“Really?” Roman asked again. This time his voice cracked. Virgil’s gut roiled, and he decided that he had had enough.

He moved forward on his knees, ignoring Roman’s squeak of surprise when he was gripped by the shoulders, and straightened to glower fiercely down at the prince.

“If you think that is what’s best, then you do it,” he said without room for argument. “You don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You don’t let anyone convince you out of it. If it screws up, fine, try something else. If it works, then great, well done, mission accomplished. Move on to the next step. You are the only one with control over your life, and your actions, and the thoughts going through your head. Do you understand?”

Roman honestly looked a little awestruck, and when Virgil’s own actions caught up with  him,  he had to fight the rising blush. He shook Roman, if only to stop him from looking like that.

“Understand, Princey?” he prompted.

Roman then shook himself and blinked rapidly.

Please don’t cry, Virgil thought.

But Roman smiled. A huge, trembling, genuine smile, one Virgil hadn’t seen in so long that he had lost track of the days, and Virgil felt as if he might pass out.

“I understand,” Roman said, and Virgil barely had time to relax before the prince ducked forward, and between Roman coming towards him and then shooting out of the room calling thanks over his shoulder, Virgil’s mind malfunctioned.

It took a moment of silently sitting in the middle of the floor, probably looking quite pathetic, before Virgil slowly raised a cold hand to the flaming skin of his cheek.

He blinked, and his brain caught up enough to register the lips that had been pressed there.

Holy shit, Virgil thought. “Holy shit.”

Roman probably hadn’t even noticed he’d done it. Had he even realised what he’d just done to Virgil? How much Virgil was not going to get over this for a  very long time?

He didn’t want to think about it — in fact, he was in favour of drowning out all his thoughts for the rest of time — but it still grew, unbidden, in the back of his mind.

Did he mean it?

 Virgil hated Janus.

Of course he did. Janus was manipulative and smug and chose lies over truth like a suffocating man would choose oxygen over water. That wasn’t his best metaphor, but metaphors weren’t Virgil’s thing.

The point  was  that Janus had never cared about anyone other than himself. He kept people at arm’s length like his life depended on it, and he never did anything that wouldn’t benefit him.

Virgil hated that. He struggled with relationships to begin with — any kind of relationships.

He wouldn’t admit it, and he didn’t even know it at first, but he needed support in a relationship — as anyone would. He needed someone to reach out and allow him to meet them halfway. He wasn’t built to continuously reach out and plead for the other half of a relationship to work with him. He needed that first step to be taken first.

It was why he was so perplexed by Patton at first. It was why the light sides had baffled him every time he was with them.

It was why their family had lasted so long.

And also why his and Janus’ hadn’t.

He loved Patton and Logan and Thomas. He loved Roman, more than he should. And he hated Janus.

Of course he did.

He had to.

 There was never a direct conversation.

Roman and Janus never went off by themselves and never came back with an obvious change of heart. It was still tense for a long while, and Virgil still didn’t enjoy dinners, and didn’t attend movie nights. Neither did Roman, apparently, as multiple times Virgil ran into him in the hallway, trying silently not to attract attention.

Virgil never asked about it, but he knew. It was obvious.

But there were little things.

When Janus made morning beverages for everyone, he included a sparkling gold-and-red mug on the tray, and Virgil had caught the moment he quietly asked Patton, thinking they were alone, how Roman liked his coffee.

When Roman roughly sketched a tableau of the group when he thought no one was paying attention (that would later become an oil painting that was kept in a quiet corner of his bedroom, no matter how gorgeous Virgil insisted it was) Janus and Remus were both included, despite the latter having been absent in the time of the planning stage. And when Virgil had peered closely at the final product, he’d silently marveled at the gentle expression on Janus’ face, serene and empathic and gazing at the others with a softness that Virgil hardly ever saw so openly. (How had Roman been able to capture it so perfectly?) So different compared to the ‘reptilian rapscallion’ he’d been depicted as weeks ago.

(His scales had been iridescent.)

So, yeah. It didn’t start with the month’s first fully attended movie night. It started with so much more before that that Virgil didn’t want to think about.

He trapped the growling scream in his throat, tugged at his hair like he could tug the vicious images from his head.

He didn’t want to think about Janus twirling Roman around the living room, treating him as if he were a prince in the movie. He didn’t want to think about Janus’ confidence and how Virgil himself could never do that. He didn’t want to think about Roman’s smile when he thought about talking to Janus. He didn’t want to think about flushed faces and breathless laughs and eyes so goddamn lovestruck it was sickening. He didn’t want to think about mismatched eyes glittering more than he had ever seen in so long and flaming scales and —

NO! No, no, no!

Virgil buried his face into his pillow.

He didn’t want to think.

The pillow didn’t do much to suffocate his thoughts.

His throat was parched, though. Sobbing and coughing and wailing into your mattress to muffle screams would do such a thing.

God, he needed a drink.

Water. Water. He needed water.

After pulling himself from the bed, he trudged through the hall and down the stairs, no doubt looking like he had just woken up. It was dark, and the lights were off. Everyone else must have followed suit after Virgil had gone upstairs.

Stinging eyes half-closed, he fumbled with the kitchen cabinets and clawed out a glass for himself.

It was when he turned around to the sink, now facing the living room, that he noticed he wasn’t alone.

Two pairs of wide, horrified eyes were locked on him. Janus was without his hat and cape. His always formally presented shirt was crinkled, his hair tousled from broad fingers carding through it. Roman had discarded his prince attire, and he looked somehow small in his black undershirt. His redden lips were the same colour as his cheeks. Virgil felt sick. Roman didn’t own red lipstick.

They had separated long before Virgil had seen them. It didn’t make much of a difference.

The sound of the glass dropping in the sink startled Virgil from being frozen.

Janus’ mouth moved as he spoke but Virgil didn’t hear what he said as he took a step backwards. His words only caught up to Virgil a few seconds later when he was already backing up towards the other end of the kitchen.

“Virgil, darling —”

“No,” Virgil said, even though oddly nothing audible came out. He took another step back and his back bumped against the counter.

“Virgil, we —”

“Stop,” Virgil finally said out loud. Janus stopped. “Just — get out.” His voice cracked. No, worse: his whisper cracked. It kind of took away from the way Virgil wanted to emphasize just how pissed he was right now.

“Virgil —”

“Shut up,” Virgil snapped at him, but his voice still wasn’t above a rasp. “Get out.”

“Listen to me, shadow —”

“NO!” Virgil roared. Janus didn’t flinch, but behind him, Roman quailed backwards. “I don’t care! Don’t fucking try to  lie  yourself out of the fact that I walked in on —” He cut off there, because he almost said something that he would never be able to take back. “Just get out.”

“Virge,” Roman said placatingly, because he was a moron who didn’t listen even when he really should, “I know you’re angry —”

“He’s not angry,” Janus interjected because he was an  asshole  who liked making Virgil’s life absolute hell. He glared at the ground, fuming. He couldn’t look up. If he looked up...

He stood, once again frozen, head bowed like a prisoner on death row. Roman was silent. Beyond Janus’ burning gaze pinning him to the spot, Virgil could sense the prince looking between the two of them, concerned.

Janus’ voice came as a crushing blow, the final landing hit before everything ended.

“He’s heartbroken.”

The penny dropped, and it was still once more.

Virgil trembled under the weight of the silence. He glared at the droplets of salty water collecting on the tiles in front of his socks.

“What?” Roman’s voice wasn’t above a whisper.

A hand, cool and smooth and just barely quivering — one that couldn’t be Janus because he always wore his gloves and he was never so vulnerable around someone like Virgil — came to press against Virgil’s cheek, careful fingers trailing his jaw.

Virgil found that he was rooted to the spot. “Don’t. You can’t be any different now then you were before.”

“I’ve grown since then,” Janus whispered. His hand burned. “We both have. You know that.”

Virgil closed his eyes and more tears trailed down his face.

“How could you?” he asked, opening his eyes to glare up at Janus. “How could you ever change?”

The look on Janus’ face was indescribable apart from open. “You know how,” he murmured, and cold pads brushed against Virgil’s lip. “You know.”

A sigh shook itself from Virgil, and he slumped.

“Don’t lie to me,” he said, and it was a plea. Virgil didn’t beg, but he was.

It wasn’t a retort. It was a request.

Virgil didn’t ask for things. He couldn’t. He was too self-conscious and hyper aware of being ungrateful or demanding. Too scared of being rejected. So he never asked for anything. He just... didn’t.

But he was.

“I would never,” Janus whispered, and Virgil wanted to be furious, because that  was  a lie. Janus had lied so many times. He always lied.

He lied about simple things. He lied to Thomas. He lied about what he wanted. He made things difficult with the deceit that spewed from his mouth.

He wasn’t talking about simple things.

Still shaking, Virgil closed his eyes. He lifted his chin and tilted his head.

He waited.

And cool lips, half rough and scratchy, half soft, moved themselves against Virgil’s.

It didn’t feel the same as Virgil remembered. It tasted like hesitance and request and trust. It was also apparently mushing Virgil’s brain.

He didn’t realise how slack his shoulders had gotten until Janus pulled back and Virgil had to take a breath. He stared up at the... snake. He didn’t feel betrayed. Or horrified. Or even a little disgusted. He wanted Janus to keep staring at him. He wanted to be kissed like that again.

He looked down at where Janus had taken his hands. In the corner of his eye, he could see Janus looking at him with something akin to anxiety, but Virgil kept his gaze on their clasped hands. He clenched them tighter, and felt Janus relax.

He felt another pair of eyes on him and looked up.

Roman was fidgeting. He was looking between Janus and Virgil with a look that Virgil hadn’t seen... ever. He hadn’t even looked at Nico with so much adoration and love and like he would do literally anything in the world for the subjects of his attention. It made Virgil feel slightly breathless.

But he was playing with his hands, a nervous gesture Virgil was familiar with.

Janus didn’t give Virgil a chance to make a move.

“Come here, my prince,” he said, voice still soft. He reached out. “We have room.”

Roman looked moments away for throwing himself at them, but he held back. He looked at Virgil, and the anxious side was startled to see his eyes shining with fighting tears.

And goddamn it if it was the cheesiest thing he had ever said but fuck if his chest didn’t fill with so much warmth it felt like he was going to explode.

“C’mon, Ro,” he said with a smile. He couldn’t smirk. Somehow his face wasn’t letting him. “Not gonna keep me waiting, are you?”

Meeting the challenge without an ounce of hesitation, Roman lunged for him, and Virgil surprised himself by taking his own pounce right into the prince’s arms and crushing their lips together.

It was more than Janus’ kiss, which was still so full of fear and hurt and guilt and the want to be something once more and the need for closure. Still so freshly wounded.

This was different. This was fiery and passionate and made Virgil turn pliant.

“I want you,” Roman whispered when they pulled back. “I want...”

Virgil tilted his head. “Go on,” he murmured.

“I want both of you,” Roman blurted, looking between Janus and Virgil. “Is... Is that okay?”

Virgil cupped the prince’s chin in his hands. He glanced back at Janus, who immediately took the hint and slid over to them, one hand moving to the back of Virgil’s neck and the other to Roman’s hair. Virgil watched in amusement as Roman near-melted beneath the attention, nearly purring in pleasure. That was a trick he would have to try himself at some point.

“I don’t know about either of you,” Janus purred.

“Liar.” Virgil smirked.

“But I would consider a further discussion about this remarkably important to a growing relationship,” Janus finished.

“Well, yes, but —” Roman cut himself off, nodding. “Yes. Alright. That makes sense.”

“Don’t do that, Princey,” Virgil told him, headbutting his chin gently.

“Go on, darling,” Janus said.

Roman still blushed, but tentatively asked, “Can we... just stay like this for tonight?”

“A huddle in the middle of the kitchen?” Janus asked with raised eyebrows, and Roman’s blush deepened.

“You stale croissant,” Virgil said, smacking Janus’ shoulder, “don’t bully him.”

“It’s alright,” Roman assured with a smile. A real one. “But I do have to ask where that nickname came from.”

“You’re on thin fucking ice too, Your Highness,” Virgil snapped, pointing a threatening finger in his face.

“We just made out, dearheart,” Roman said with a smug grin, swooping in to peck the comeback right out of Virgil’s lips. “You can act upset tomorrow.”

Smirking, Janus fidgeted absentmindedly with the sleeve of Virgil’s hoodie.

“Now,” he said, capturing the two bickering... boyfriends? Were they — Was that too far? “Your room, my prince?”

Roman looked tired, but he still lit up. “Oh, yes,” he breathed, moving to clutch Janus and Virgil’s hands between his own. “You’ll love it. I’ve got a bed big enough to fit all of us, and it’s not too obtrusive and I can use the fairy lights and —”

“Alright, darling,” Janus said, kissing him on the cheek. “Show us when we get there.”

Roman, beaming, turned and guided them up the stairs.

Janus made to follow but hesitated at the last minute, glancing back at Virgil. His eyes weren’t guarded as they normally would be, and it made Virgil feel vulnerable in turn. Janus opened and closed his mouth but didn’t seem able to speak.

Virgil took Janus’ hand in his. “Not backing out now, are you?”

Janus looked fiercely affronted. “Oh, definitely,” he said with an attitude of someone who had just been told it didn’t count if you got slapped by someone with their left hand even though they’re right-handed. And Virgil, despite everything, laughed.

It was only when crawling under cool, heavy red blankets that Virgil realised he had forgotten to have that drink of water.

He watched Janus trail a path down Roman’s features, smirking at the prince’s ticklish giggles, their bright eyes reflecting the soft glow of the dim, glittering lights overhead. At their three-way still-clasped hands lying atop the blankets. He smiled.

No matter. His chest didn’t feel so tight anymore.

[collecting-stories]

Shane - ep. 12 - Georgia

Summary: Shane hassles you in the diner and you let slip to Daryl that you want to date him. 

A/N: Can’t believe we’re moving this far into it. 

Georgia Masterlist | The Walking Dead Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

You almost audibly groaned when Shane walked into the diner on Monday night. Daryl has been gone all weekend and you were quickly realizing that driving yourself around just wasn’t the same. You weren’t too proud to admit that you missed him, more than someone should miss an ‘in between’ friend as Tara had called him.  

“You know, in between a friend and a boyfriend.” She had explained after coining the term.  

“I get it.”

You were sure your mom was happy, as happy as she could be with you, because you’d been essentially only at the diner and at home all weekend. You’d even been on time for church on Sunday morning, an occurrence that was lacking lately. It wasn’t only Daryl’s absence that had you falling back into that place so close to the daughter that your mother wanted. The one who was perfect enough to fix all the problems she had. Deanna had told your mom, just like Aiden said she would. She’d called her on Friday morning to tell her that she’d noticed you driving with Daryl in his truck.  

“When was this?” Your mother had asked, holding her hand up for you to stop as you were preparing to walk out the door for school.  

“I’m gonna be late.” You stressed.  

She put her hand over the receiver and looked you dead in the eye, “move out that door and I swear to god you will not go out again for a week. School be damned.”

You waited, stood there anxiously by the front door as she cast you glancing and nodded her head and ‘mmhmm’d’ at the appropriate places. Your dad was supposed to be coming home soon from the halfway house he was living in and you’d thought maybe she was talking to him but then she hung up and turned to face you.  

“You wanna tell me why Deanna just called me and told me she saw you with Daryl Dixon.”  

“Cause he was fixing my car. I told you that, remember?” You knew you said it in that way that suggested she was dumb for asking so you weren’t surprised when she smacked you across the face. It didn’t take the sting away though and you flinched away from her when she kept on.  

“You’ve done some truly stupid things before but this really tops it, you know that! Running around town like some whore!”  

And you could’ve said something else, at least that was the inner monologue you gave yourself afterward, when you were sitting in class with Maggie, swearing that you fell in the bathtub during your shower. You could’ve said something else, maybe, but you didn’t.  

“You would know! Why isn’t dad back yet? Cause he’s not better or cause you’re still fucking your boss!”  

Tara told you after school that she had wait the weekend, until she was back from her mom’s house, before you could stay. So you put yourself on best behaviour mode, faking it through a bruised jaw and other, worse injuries, that no one could see. You rolled in late to class with a slip that said you had tripped in the shower and you continued that lie until the last bell rang and you were driving to 7-11 to meet Tara, to stay far away from your mom.  

“Monday,” she promised. “I’m back from my mom’s Monday night, you can come over then.”  

“She told me ‘as long as you’re under my roof you won’t be anywhere near Daryl’. Good then, watch me get out from under your roof. She acts like it hasn’t happened before.” You replied, whispering as you stood in the back of the soda aisle, far away from Jacqui’s eavesdropping. The last thing you needed was her telling everyone what you said.  

“Does Daryl know?” Tara asked, playing dumb.  

“No.” You replied, “and I’m not gonna tell him. If he does like me he doesn’t need to think I’m messed up.”  

“You’re not messed up, your mom is a dick.”  

“Look, I can fake it for a weekend, church, no friends, work. It’ll be fine.” You promised, “and on Monday night, your house.”

“If you need it sooner, I could talk to my dad.” Tara offered. He’d let you stay plenty of times in the past.  

“No, Monday’s fine.”  

You survived the weekend the exact way you said you would. You faked the nice girl you had strived to be in middle school and for the first three years of high school. You didn’t talk back, you were quiet, nice, you went to work and to church and it was like some kind of wonderful transformation that your mother probably attributed to herself. She’d scared you straight out of your rebellious crush on Daryl and back to the girl she wanted you to be.

But Sunday came and you were counting down the hours. Just another day and you’d be at Tara’s. Hopefully a few more hours and Daryl would be back. Tonight, thankfully, your mom had left church, changed and gone to work, which left you at the diner, closing it out with Lori when Shane walked in.  

“I know you got a thing for that Dixon boy but I think you should reevaluate your eyes.” Lori commented, coming up next to you. “Shane Walsh is mighty fine.”  

“First, Daryl’s older than you,” you pointed out. He was 23, same as Rick, and Lori was 21, a little closer in age to you. “Second, you forget your pregnant?”  

“A girl can’t look?” She shrugged, walking away as you pretended to gag.  

Shane seemed oblivious to the interaction as he came up and sat at the counter. You hadn’t seen him since the party, though both Glenn and Maggie had and they claimed he had asked how you were. You weren’t surprised, Shane always did fashion himself as something of a ‘knight in shining armour’ you could only imagine the size of his ego knowing he had effectively ‘saved’ you from Aiden.  

“Hey Shane, what can I get you?” You asked, pad and pen ready, as if you thought he was actually going to order and he didn’t just come here with some ulterior motive like Aiden.  

“You, back?” Shane asked, grinning at you.  

You rolled your eyes, taking a deep breath and trying not to say anything too awful. The last thing you felt like dealing with today was Shane. “Hilarious. Order or move Shane.”

“I’m not joking.” He replied, leaning further across the counter.  

Over his shoulder Lori was shooting you a look that you were sure could translate into ‘jump on that offer’. You groaned, folding the notepad back up and slipping it into your apron. “Listen, Shane, I appreciate you standing up for me at the party and I’m sorry Aiden was a dick, I really didn’t want to be there with him-“

“Then why were you?”

“None of your business.” You snapped.  

“He trashed my house-“

“You both trashed your house! Don’t bitch at me because you got in a fight I didn’t ask you to get involved in.” You said, cutting him off.  

“So first it’s thanks so much and then it’s I don’t need you?”

“Yeah Shane,” you continued, “I was trying to be fucking nice to you but you’re being a dick. I’m sorry I don’t have feelings for you anymore but I can’t change that.”  

“You don’t mean that.” He said, keeping his voice low. He stood up and followed you down the counter as you tried to get back to work. As you lifted the gate on the counter he grabbed the other side, stopping you from going any further. “You got your head mixed up with that loser Dixon.”  

Your jaw tensed as you glared at him, “watch your mouth.” You let go of the gate, shoving passed him to get to your waiting tables.  

The resulting noise of the gate felt like it left an echo when Shane let go as well, turning and grabbing your arm. “Just talk to me, please!”

“I said no!” You snapped, pulling your arm away, “leave me alone Shane, I said no. I don’t want anything to do with you.”  

“Shane,” Otis’ voice caught both your attentions and you looked behind the counter to the window that offered a limited view of the kitchen. Otis was standing there, dish on the ledge, staring down Shane Walsh like he could fire bullets with his eyes. You’d known Otis your whole life and there wasn’t a person alive that ever had a bad word to say about him. He was a sweetheart, burly on the outside but teddy soft on the inside. He’d watched you hold your own with Shane in the past, and with Aiden. He watched you flirt with Daryl and told you more than a few times that you had that boy wrapped around your finger whether you thought so or not. And he watched Shane put his hand on you, “Think you should leave.”  

“We were just talking.” Shane replied, looking back at you like there was any chance in the world that you would defend him.  

“Yeah, and now you’re done.” Otis said.  

No further conversation was had. Shane nodded and left, Lori shooting him a sympathetic smile as he passed by her. You wanted to tell her to have at him, you could do without him hanging around. It was good Daryl was away for the weekend cause you were itching to go to his house as you stood outside the diner with Lori while she locked up.  

“You really over Shane?” She asked, as if she gave two shits about your life.

“Why?”

“Just wondering. He seems pretty passionate about you.”

“Passionate? Try aggressive.” You countered. He’d always been that way and you thought maybe there had been a time when you substituted who he was for who you wanted him to be but you liked to think you were a little smarter this time around.  

“What about Dixon?”

“Why are you asking me all these questions Lor?” You asked. You wanted nothing more than to get in your car and go home.  

“Just wondering, I get bored at the apartment, only one there to talk to is Rick and he’s on nights this week.” She replied. He was around whenever she had doctor’s appointments or if she needed something for the baby. She was more than positive that when the little Grimes was born he would be the best dad in King County but he seemingly less interested in being the best fiancé.  

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, answering her question finally, “Daryl and I aren’t dating though so it doesn’t matter.”  

“Think he’s waiting til you turn 18.” She asked.

“No, just don’t think he’s interested in dating me is all.”  

You’d given Daryl a lot of thought since you’d started spending time with him. There were times you thought maybe he liked you. Moments when it seemed plausible that there was something but it always felt like it was right before. This build up between the two of you with nothing to show for it in the end.  

“You have dated before right?”

“Obviously.” You replied, hand on the door of your car. If she would just get in and pull away , you could too.  

“Just checking.” She laughed, finally granting your wish and getting in the car.  

You peeled out after her, driving away from your street and pulling into the parking lot of the Shop’n’Bag. You parked as close as you could for a late night, your Jeep illuminated by the overhead light. The grocery store was practically dead at 10p as you grabbed a basket and walked around aimlessly. Hungry was not the way to shop but your mom was being a bitch and refusing to buy you groceries, going so far as to label the items in the refrigerator that she deemed hers.  

The freezer aisle, flickering from one of the ceiling lights, seemed to be your lucky spot. It wrapped the wall in the far left, two large cases running almost from wall to wall in the middle and a familiar frame leaning over one of them, cart full of other quick meals and beer beside him.  

“Hey stranger.” You greeted, stepping up next to him and leaning against the case.  

Daryl straightened, the faintest of smiles coming and going as he looked over at you, “ya ain’t stalking me are ya?”  

“No, I just finished at the diner, I’m starving.”  

“Ya know they make food there.” He replied, tossing a pack of steaks in the cart and moving along, you falling into step next to him.  

“I wasn’t hungry while I was there.” When he stopped again you pulled the three packs of stovetop mac and cheese out of your otherwise empty basket and dropped them in his cart before leaving your basket under the case.  

“I ain’t buying yer food.” He said, glancing over his shoulder at you. His eyes landed on the barely visible bruise that was still on your cheek, Tara’s words clear as day in his mind. “What happened?” He asked, hand brushing his own jaw in the same place.  

“Fell in the shower.”  

“Least it ain’t those cats this time.” He replied.  

“When did you get back?” You asked, following him down the aisle.  

“Like ten minutes ago, however long I been in here.” He said, pausing to throw something in his cart, “why?”

You shrugged, “it was boring this weekend, I missed you.”  

“Musta been real boring then.” He joked, turning his face away so you couldn’t see his cheeks going red. “Ya ain’t start any fights this weekend?”

“It wasn’t my fault,” you stressed. “Deanna called my mom though, told her she saw us driving in your truck.”  

“Told ya that ya shouldn’t be hanging around me.” Daryl replied, leaning against the handle of the cart. He watched you look through jars of red gravy until you found the one you wanted, sticking it in the cart. “I ain’t buying your food,” he repeated.

“I’ll pay for it,” you insisted, gripping the other end of the cart and smiling at him. “So, how was hunting?”

“A’ight. Got a deer in the bed a my truck.”  

You stuck your tongue out in disgust, “Glad my jeep’s fixed then.” You walked with Daryl through the rest of the store until he finally decided he was finished grocery shopping and turned his cart toward the check out, only one lane open this time of the night. When you tried to put the divider down between your order and his, Daryl put it back. “Thought you weren’t paying for me?”

“Ain’t a lot a stuff.” He shrugged, “bag it yerself though.”

“What a gentleman.” You laughed; scooting passed him so you could start bagging the groceries as the guy at the checkout put them through.  

Tara had told you enough times already that you should invite Daryl to your birthday, or just tell him that you like him and want to date him. You’d thought about both options plenty, positive that they were the only things on your mind these days. But actually, mentioning those things to him were a whole other story.  

“So, I turn 18 soon.” You mentioned as you walked out to your jeep with him. His truck was parked a few spaces down, blue tarp over the bed highlighted by a parking light. “Tara and Maggie are having a party for me.”  

“Ys sure that’s a good idea?” He joked, putting your groceries in the back for you.  

“Stop! No one’s ever gonna let me live that down.” You groaned.  

“Ya gonna invite me to yer party then?”  

You perked up a little, smiling, “well, yeah. And I was thinking too, you know, I’ll be 18.” You repeated at the end.  

“I heard ya.”

“I’ll be legal.” You clarified, as if he couldn’t catch on without you spelling it out for him.  

Daryl sighed, running a hand through his hair and looking at you a little more tired than before. “This ain’t a good idea, ya know,” he said, waving his hand between the two of you, “I ain’t got a lot going on right in my life. Ya shouldn’t be dragged into that.”  

“I’m not being dragged into anything,” you replied, “I really like you, I think I’ve been pretty obvious about it and if not then I’m telling you now. I like you and I’ll be 18 and I think-”

He stopped you by holding his hand up, “it ain’t gonna happen.”  

“Daryl-”

“I gotta get home,” he cut you off, stepping away from your car, “goodnight.”

“Yeah, goodnight.” You sighed, watching him walk away to his car.  

-

Taglist: @cbarter @onemorebeautifulnightmare @mainokutan  @solllaris @twdeadfanfic @legit-emily @gigilame @sabertooth-potato @enrapturedbythemoon @oncemorewithfeelingg @thanossexual @yespleasejayhalstead @hopesxxhigh @coffeebooksandfandom @jodiereedus22 @tehfabbooty @thecaptainsgingersnap @of-storms-and-sadness @alwaysadreamingoptimist @bucky-barnes-babies @ly--canthrope @daryldixonandfrogs @jaycc7983 @easnuppa @imaginecrushes @tonystarkismyboy @watchmeaspire @harpersmariano @guccicloudz @sapphire-angel @buzzybhee @alexbealee @elodieyung @its-evita-here 

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials S2 Ep 6 - Rambling/Thoughts

I really cannot believe that we’re at the penultimate episode already, oh my gosh. It’s gone by so fast??

Again, because I’ve reread TSK in the last couple of weeks, the book is fresh in my mind but I’ve probably still missed stuff

Also last week was so intense and seeing the “previously on” section made me remember just how intense that was, so it’s a hard job to top that!

ANGELS AHH RIGHT AWAY IM GEEKING OUT

“The last time they were seen was to make war” - IT’S HAPPENING ASDFGHJKL

Ruta going off to see Asriel and me just remembering what exactly went down between them while she was there with him... heh

So Will’s hand looks AWFUL oh my god poor Will 😭

Pan is REALLY into his Red PAN-da form oh my goodness

So the other kids out for revenge terrified the living SHIT out of me, dear god I don’t think it could be any creepier than dozens of them appearing out of the shadows like that, like it’s genuinely terrifying

Serafina just dropped right in to rescue them and I was both relieved and a little disappointed? Because in the book the whole chase sequence is so much longer and more important, like it takes up most of an entire chapter I think, and here it’s like two minutes?

Serafina: What does this edge cut? // Lyra: Everything (Will at the same time: Nothing.) - 😂

I missed Lee and Jopari tbh so yay to seeing them once more! And they’ve crossed into the next world!

Oh hi again Mary!

^ I wasn’t expecting to see Mary again this series because in TSK book, her last appearance is going through the window (which was last episode), so I’m a little curious as to whether we’re going to get a TINY little peek into The Amber Spyglass here (it’s been years since I reread it, I apologize). Because last series they did a bit of TSK (namely introducing Will + him crossing into Cittagazze), so it would be interesting!

“Good, something I can understand for a change” - LOL Same

Serafina wants to take Lyra back to her world?? Really??

Not gonna lie, the two girls spying on Mary was kind of low-key creepy

Lyra mentioning that she crossed worlds to find out about Dust and mentioning Roger 😭

Also I’m so emotional over just how much she wants Will to be safe, like she would really do anything to keep him safe and I love it

Lyra asking the Alethiometer where Will’s dad is and “he’s in this world” - ahhh it’s going to happen!

Also I really hope that the BBC/whoever decides to sell replica Alethiometers because the design is so beautiful?! I would fork out serious dough for one, and it would go nicely with the one I have from the film

No but seriously, words don’t describe just how badly I want a replica

“I wanted to fly so I summoned you here, now I’m flying” - LOL OKAY THEN JOHN

Ooh damn, that outfit Marisa is wearing is FINE. I’m slightly gayer than I was before, ngl

I was like “nooo Mary don’t be nice to these kids, they’re awful”

But it’s very sweet that she offers them food?? Like she pulls a chocolate bar out and is like “it’s no good for you, it’s full of sugar”... I love her

The way that Mary was so happy and excited when they mentioned Lyra, only to tell the girls off for trying to kill her - more of a mum than Mrs Coulter tbh

“Miss, can I have a hug?” - AWWW OMG WHY AM I SAD

They asked Mary to stay and look after them omg 😭😭😭

“Come with me, I’ll bring you to your adults” - ooh okay this could go any number of ways... Either she actually reunites them with their families and all’s well, or she takes them up there and their parents/adults are all dead (for lack of a better word)? Or the Spectres attack after Mary leaves them with the adults??

Jopari talking about meeting his dæmon and also a little bit about trying to get back to his family :(

“Can you magic us up a fire?” “One moment” *presents a box of matches” - LMFAO

Wait did Serafina seriously just imply that she thought Will might hurt Lyra?!?

Serafina saying that if protecting Lyra means protecting Will as well... Yes, protect Will please! Protect BOTH of these children, I literally BEG you, they’ve gone through far too much

Ooh okay so the witch ritual/spell was kind of cool to see!

Lyra saying “please tell me he’ll be alright” 😭♥️

The fact that Lyra curled up close to Will and then Pan (in ermine form) curled up CLOSER to Will is so cute, they both love Will so much

Pan: “We feel safe her... don’t we?” / OOF OKAY THIS IS F I N E

I already know what Lyra’s “other name” is because I read the book but the hints are anything BUT subtle tbh. “Mother of us all, cause of all sin, tempted by the serpent”... I’m not even that religious but I think it’s pretty obvious.

Also, if Mary is playing the part of the “serpent” within Lyra’s destiny, does that mean that Mary has tempted Lyra? Or that she will?

Boreal being nervous about being in the city and Marisa is just so unimpressed by him... Mood

That smirk she had when going up to that Spectre victim was so chilling, we have to stan Ruth Wilson and her incredible acting

Also, fun fact, Ruth Wilson went to my sixth form college and is from Surrey (like me), and she grew up in Shepperton, which is where my Nan used to live when she was alive (my uncle and aunt live there still), so that’s super exciting!

“We could learn from this” - PLEASE DO NOT MA’AM

God I hate the Magisterium so fucking much, the patriarchy is so strong with them

Oh great, now they’re gunning to kill Lyra :/

Also, off topic, I’ve only just connected that Will Keen, who plays Father MacPhail, is Dafne Keen’s dad?!?

“She’s lost a lot for one so young” - AND SHE’S STILL GOING TO LOSE PEOPLE, WHY IS THIS FAIR PHILIP PULLMAN 😭

“She must be protected” - AGAIN, they BOTH need protecting PLEASE

The Spectre noises reminded me of the noises of the Smoke Monster from LOST, so that’s definitely trippy for me

Thanks, I hate it

I nearly shouted “WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING” out loud in front of both my parents, I seriously thought she had a damn death wish

I have never been so damn tense in my entire life as I am watching this show - and I KNOW what happens

HOW DID SHE DO THAT WITH THE SPECTRES SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN

Lee’s so worried about Lyra - 11/10, Father of the Year

The Magisterium airships... NO. FUCK. WE’RE AT THAT POINT ALREADY AND IM NOT OKAY BECAUSE I KNOW HOW AND WHERE THIS ENDS AND I HATE IT

I deadass thought Marisa and Carlo were about to kiss when he ran up to her and I actually said out loud “NO please don’t”

Look I must just be so dirty minded but when she said “let’s celebrate”, my immediate reaction was “NO NO NO NO EW EW EW NO” and “I hope she just means having a drink and not doing the frickety-frack”

I was so close to tearing up as Will was talking about his mum, her illness, and the boys who were mean to her because of it. His love for his mum is so beautifully written and the way Amir Wilson is playing Will is so wonderful

I was also close to tears when he was talking about his dad and how he used to imagine about his dad, so maybe I’m just emotional anyway

“Could go to school... have friends” - okay yeah no I’m definitely crying 😭

“I couldn’t trust anyone.” “Until you met me.” “Yeah.” - EXCUSE ME ♥️😭 my HEART

I love one (1) soft boy, and one (1) feral girl and her dæmon

The relief I felt when I saw Marisa and Carlo were literally just having drinks 😅

“They consume what makes us human, so I just suppressed that and hid it” + *cut to the monkey looking kinda sad/uncomfortable* - Umm fUCK OKAY THEN

Why am I feeling sorry for the monkey?!?

“You think we’re equal?” - LMFAO RIGHT

EWW THEY KISSED. No, just... nO

When I saw his snake dæmon moving towards her monkey, I thought one of two things was about to happen: 1) the monkey was going to pet and paw and the snake as Marisa seduced Boreal, or 3) the monkey was going to strange the snake and kill Boreal

OKAY THIS TOOK A SHARP BUT NOT UNWELCOMED TURN

“You’ve NEVER been my equal.” “You’d only hold me back.” - OH MY GOD YES THE SHADE

She’s not wrong though let’s be honest here

So she poisoned him I’m assuming? She poisoned his drink because the monkey didn’t actually touch the snake... damn.

Her just sitting there and continuing to drink with his dead body there is... damn.

“Into that valley” NO NO, please no

Jopari really just summoned a whole damn storm huh

Also the fact he fully trusts in Lee’s abilities to land them safely :3

Lee: “Can we trust him?” // Hester: “Do we have another choice?!!” - LMFAO I love them so much

THE WAY I NEARLY SCREAMED WHEN THAT WITCH GOT ATTACKED BY A SPECTRE OMFG AT LEAST WILL WAS THERE TO SAVE HER

Okay but did Marisa REALLY sit there for HOURS with Boreal’s corpse sitting opposite her?!?

Her burning her hand on the flame in front of the monkey, and the monkey clearly whimpering and in pain was so agonizing to watch, I can’t take this show

Also, you have to wonder just how many times she’s harmed herself (and him) for her to keep doing it with next to no problems (like separating from each other all the time)

I was so excited to see the birds attacking the zeppelins, like it was one of my favourite details in the book, and I worried that they wouldn’t have the budget for it but yay!

I do kind of wish that we’d had Sayan Kötor as the “eagle Queen” leading them though - she probably was but I wish we’d actually seen it or heard Jopari say it or whatever

THEY SHOT THE GAS CANNISTER OH SHIT THEY’RE GOING DOWN HARD AND FAST IN THAT BALLOON

HOLD ON BBC YOU CANNOT END THIS THERE?!? EXCUSE ME?!

The last episode is next week and on an hour earlier, so that’s exciting! I have no idea what I’ll do once this series ends, or when we’ll even get the third and final series because of COVID and filming delays, but I’m excited for it nonetheless and hoping it’s next November/December or something!

[razberryyum]

TGCF donghua Episode 8 Thoughts (SPOILERS! for episode and novel)

I remember reading this scene just last week and thinking oh, San Lang will be fine, don't worry, Dianxia. I really didn't react much beyond that. But then the donghua team came along and obviously decided, hmm, we're gonna kick it up a notch with the drama and the emotional music so your guts are really wrenched. And wow were they successful: I actually teared up! Even knowing the outcome I still teared up. That theme... HuaLian's theme, gets me all the time...and I love the chords leading into it too. So beautiful. I'm just glad this wasn't the season finale and it ended on a cliffhanger like that cuz I can only imagine how distraught folks who haven't read the book would feel for the next couple of months until the second season comes out, whenever that's going to be.

Now that I'm somewhat cursed with knowledge of certain events and characters from the book, I sadly can't enjoy the mystery surrounding these two intriguing ladies anymore since I do know who they are, but I do very much look forward to seeing "more" of them.

I will always appreciate moments of San Lang being protective of Dianxia, regardless of how small or trivial they may be.

The donghua team also put their own spin on this little moment from the book. That's not how Dianxia originally reacted, but I quite like this version since it almost seems as if Xie Lian was so overwhelmed by San Lang's touch that he had to fling off his hand immediately lest he gets too hornee.

Meanwhile poor San Lang looks heartbroken. 😂

Poor baby. Don't worry, Dianxia doesn't hate you.

Although I'm sure he's just feeling extra unworthy. Even Dianxia's reassuring smile couldn't make a difference.

All felt right again when San Lang didn't hesitate to take hold of Xie Lian for caution...but I guess having the layer of clothing to prevent direct skin to skin contact helps tamper down their feelings. 😂

For some weird reason I kept on thinking Ke Mo was going to look like just a super tall handsome warrior type, but then I eventually remembered oh wait, they're supposed to look like werewolves...but there's really nothing werewolfy about him or his soldiers. So I guess I'm disappointed?

I felt bad for this dude in the book and I still feel bad for him in the show, especially since they just left him there to continue going insane about his skeletal remains. Sure he helped kill a lot of people, but it wasn't entirely his fault. I think he at least deserved an end.

I cannot WAIT to see how the donghua team's gonna amp up the HuaLian romance level in the next ep. I mean if they just go by the book descript it honestly would already be hot enough, but I have a feeling they're gonna be more ambitious than that.

Current Novel Reading Progress: chapter 56.

Notes (kinda spoilery): I love the Wind Master, the other Crown Prince, and even Qi Rong as fucked up as he is...he seems like a worst-case scenario of sparring the rod and spoiling the child. Feng Xin fascinates me more than Mu Qing but I like them both. I want to learn more about The Earth Master, and for some reason, I don't trust Jun Wu at all. If I'm right to be suspicious, don't tell me, I look forward to finding out. 😁

TGCF novel translation can be found at: https://tgcfmxtx.carrd.co/

[bubbly-bungee-may]

ZoNa Valentine’s Week: Day 4 Why I Ship ZoNa: Part 1

So because i’ve never explained why I ship ZoNa, I’ve decided to use this Valentine’s Week as an excuse to make 3 separate posts on why I ship them. 

 They will be long posts because I am relying on the gifs I made of the anime rather than the manga (even though the manga may be more accurate, but I just started reading the manga so give me some time lol)

OKAY LET’S START.....

So just as a preface: First and foremost these two have known each other the longest. I’m not saying that in order to be a couple you need to know someone for a long time, but in ZoNa’s case I feel like it’s an important part of their relationship. 

They started out as friends then shit went down in Arlong Park (namely where Nami plays the villain for a hot second and that shakes Zoro up cause he had trusted her) but then everything was settled and they went back to being friends. 

I feel like that incident was necessary not only for the plot, but for Zoro and Nami’s relationship to develop. After everything, they now have full trust in the other and their relationship was able to evolve. 

This all leads me to my first reason as to why I ship ZoNa:

1. They are friends FIRST

Yes, I ship them as a couple, but I believe that all successful relationships begin as friends (that’s just my own personal belief). A foundation built on friendship and mutual understanding and trust is what I believe allows this ship to sail.

And despite the fact that everyone thinks Nami and Zoro are only capable of fighting and butting heads, they are actually very good friends who are capable of holding normal conversations.

Exhibit A (Ep.54) : Nami took notice of how Zoro was acting strange and commented on it. She’s aware of his presence and isn’t just writing him off. And this also shows that she cares about him.

Exhibit B (Ep. 62) : Zoro wanted Nami’s opinion on what the strange sound he heard was. Also Nami is taking the time to answer him; she could’ve just ignored him completely but she decided to pay him attention. 

Exhibit C (Ep. 154): This is a very brief moment, but Zoro and Nami have a conversation about dropping anchor and the layout of the island. And they are both on the ship alone and idk I like to think that Zoro was waiting for Nami to be done changing so that they could go on the island together.  

Exhibit D (Ep. 161): Nami wanting Zoro’s opinion as to if he saw anything. Just shows that she trusts his judgment and how she can rely on him. 

Exhibit E (Ep. 161): Short conversation, but still important. Zoro is showing concern and care for Nami by telling her to be more careful. And Nami is replying sincerely.

Exhibit F (Ep. 217): Zoro notices Nami is mad without even looking at her. If that doesn’t tell you how well he knows her by now, then idk what does. But it’s also important that Zoro is listening to her concerns and commenting on them.  

So YES, they can hold normal conversations, here is the proof! And having known each other the longest, they also know the other well.

Zoro can spot Nami’s money obsession anytime, anywhere.  (Ep.105)

And Nami knows how much Zoro loves sake, so she went out of her way to get it for him. (look at how happy he is hehe) (Ep. 255)

And this ⤵ gif (Ep. 159) is one of my newfound favorite moments and leads us into the next reason. It’s not in the manga, but maybe the animators are also ZoNa fans....??

2. They are comfortable around eachother.

Okay, but doesn’t it seem like Zoro is teasing Nami?!?! She almost ran into a tree and then Zoro is like “oooo a perfect opportunity to tease her”. Idk I just found this part super cute. Like Zoro isn’t usually one to be playful like this, but he is with Nami and ughhh it’s so cute!  

And then the multiple times that Zoro is seen sitting/sleeping next to/near Nami. It just shows that they don’t mind each other’s company and honestly (intentional or not) I think they gravitate towards each other because of how comfortable they are with each other.

Exhibit A (46): He came to sit next to her during breakfast when he could’ve sat down next to his captain. Like is this his seat? Has he claimed the spot next to Nami as his own? ..... I like to think so.

Exhibit B (48): The start of Zoro’s debt. I just love how Nami leans in and he doesn’t seem to mind it hehe.

Exhibit C (Episode of Alabasta): The circumstance here was a bit different, but I like to think that she just wanted to be close to Zoro. And idc who tf you are, but if you were in Zoro’s position you can’t just not think about or be conscious about the woman on you. Like yeah you can call yourself friends, but you gotta be at least a bit conscious of where you’re touching and what’s touching you.

Exhibit D (Ep.149) : The start of the famed drinking buddies act. Nami moved here after pouring Robin a drink so I like to think that she felt comfortable and decided to settle down next to him. So i’m guessing Zoro’s seat is next to Nami during breakfast, and Nami’s seat is next to Zoro when they’re drinking?!

Exhibit E (Ep. 193): Psssst Zoro, just scoot your hand over a smidgen 

Exhibit F (Ep. 225) : Before one of my favorite parts in the Foxy Arc (that will be shown in another part hehe). 

Exhibit G (Ep 228): The two of them were up here alone before Sanji came. I like to think that Nami was relaxing and then Zoro came up wordlessly and just plopped down and fell asleep (before Sanji interrupted) 

Exhibit H ( Ep 554): Honestly, Zoro is used to it at this point. And this just proves that Nami believes in his strength and believes that he will protect her no matter what.

Exhibit I (569): Ah yes the drinking buddies, an upgrade from Sky Island.

Exhibit J (569): Ah yes the sobering-up buddies. I made another post (here) on this, but I like to think Zoro likes being near her so he can protect her.

Now, I’d also like to make the argument that them butting heads is actually proof of how close they are. 

Nami isn’t afraid of getting close to him and giving him a piece of her mind. Remember in my previous post when Zoro does this with Nami (who is Sanji in Nami’s body). Yeah, they def don’t mind being close to each other even when it comes to arguing.

(Ep 93)

You’d think Zoro would learn that he can rarely win an argument with Nami, but nah, that ain’t Zoro. Personally, I think Zoro low key likes arguing with her. Aside from Nami the only one he really argues with is Sanji (but even then what they argue about is usually something petty).   (Ep 147)

I really like this gif because it shows that Zoro is trying to explain to Nami why they did what they did. She thinks they were “beaten”, but that isn’t necessarily correct, so he was trying to get her to see the real picture.... which she didn’t. lol (Ep 151)

But if there’s one thing I noticed about Zoro and Nami’s relationship when it comes to arguing, it’s that the other party is trying to get the other one to see from their point of view; they don’t argue just to argue.

Putting aside the fact that they were arguing about marriage (although if they ever did get married I’d think Nami would want something extravagant while Zoro would just be like “whatever just wake me up when I have to go in” ah okay my imagination is running wild.. stop stop)

Anyway, this part is important because this time it’s Nami who is trying to get Zoro to see from her point of view. Of course, she can’t do so without yelling and gnashing teeth, but the sentiment is the same-she wants Zoro to understand where she’s coming from. (Ep 764)

I mean look, friends have differing viewpoints and thoughts. Yes, they may disagree, but in the end it doesn’t really matter because people can still think differently but be close.  Ever heard the saying “opposites attract”? yeah, that’s basically ZoNa in a nutshell. They may argue and disagree, but I think that brings them even closer. 

And Zoro is usually referred to as the “calm and cool” guy, but the fact that he easily loses his “cool” over something slight that Nami says, idk I just find that cute that she’s able to get under his skin like that. 

I love the dynamic between the two. They’re opposites who like to fight, but always have each other’s backs and couldn’t stand to see the other hurt.   

[nnightskiess]

santana lopez imagine

i kinda combined two requests together bc i thought they’d fit well!

a/n: this is for u elena. sorry you had to wait so long♡ 

also, i wanted to try and show that soft and nervous side of santana that came out at the beginning with dani, so i’m sorry if it feels out of character sometimes. (i did my best lol)

“So, what’s been going on with you? I haven’t seen you in a few months.” 

Y/N was having lunch with her friends from back home. It had been hard to keep in touch with them now that she had been living in New York for over a year. Not that she’d complain, since she gained multiple new friends and... well, a relationship. And not with just anyone— with Santana Lopez, whose singing career skyrocketed after a duet on Mercedes Jones’ album. She got a record deal a month after and her first EP was a hit. She went on tour with her first album but had vanished off the face of the earth after her very public breakup with her high school girlfriend and her backup dancer, Brittany S. Pierce. She stopped posting on social media, she wasn’t spotted by paparazzi anymore and her plans for a second album were now off the table. It was clear to everyone that the breakup had broken the girl. That was until she walked into the diner she used to work at and locked eyes with Y/N. Santana didn’t want to fall in love with anyone else and wasn’t completely over Brittany, so it wasn’t love at first sight. 

But the moment Y/N stole the show while taking the lead singing Shout by The Trammps, she knew there was something special about the girl. Was it her voice that Santana’s mind went to when she lied in bed that night? Or the twinkle in her eyes when she sang? Or perhaps the way her smile widened a tad bit more when she looked at Santana?  

Santana found herself go back to the diner on days where she’d rather sit in bed and cry. She’d forget her sorrow in moments they locked eyes but could cry again when Y/N wasn’t working that day. 

Santana had taken her notebook with her, the one she would never let anyone read— well, except for Brittany. It’s where most of her songs were born and where her most delicate and vulnerable thoughts were being kept. She’d never been too keen on sharing emotions with everyone, so writing them down was a great alternative. 

“I normally wouldn’t ask, but I’ve seen you here with that notebook now at least a couple of times... Are you writing a book?”

Santana’s head shot up. Y/N was standing next to her table, wiping her hands onto her apron.

Santana cracked a soft smile, “No—actually, I’m writing songs... a song... well, trying to, at least. My label wants-” She swallowed her sentence, she didn’t want this girl to know about any of that drama. 

Y/N seemed to ignore it.

“You sing?”

Santana nodded but furrowed her eyebrows when Y/N sat down in front of her. “Go on, then. Let me hear what you’ve got so far.”

“Oh, no no no-”

Y/N pursed her lips, “Did it happen not too long ago?” she asked after a couple of seconds of Santana trying to get out of this situation. 

She rose her eyebrows, unsure of how Y/N read the situation so well, 

“It’s actually been a while but it still hurts.” She caught herself confessing.

“Then I won’t pry. I’ll leave you to it.” Y/N slid out of the booth, “Oh, and— I happen to know that our strawberry milkshake is the best medicine to heartbreak. It’s on me.”

“Thanks...” Santana watched her leave into the kitchen and immediately rubbed her temples when the girl left her sight. No, no, no, no. Not again. But wasn’t this exactly the reason she had started visiting the diner more and more? To spike up a conversation with the girl? She cursed at herself, stood up, grabbed her stuff and left the diner. She wasn’t ready yet. She could take the short glances and attention, but that was the line. The only woman she had truly trusted was no longer with her, she couldn’t open up to anyone again. 

Through the window of the diner she could see the girl with a disappointed expression on her face the moment she realised Santana had left. But Santana didn’t turn around and kept walking. 

✫彡

“Okay, stop crushing my spirit. I wanted a nice dinner with you.”

“Then you should’ve just asked Berry over for dinner. I’m sure she’d tell you all about her awfully cheerful day.”

Kurt put his hand on Santana’s so that she would stop playing with her food. She glared at him. 

“You can glare at me all you want, but we’re not going to brush things under the carpet. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Santana dropped her cutlery and sat back, crossing her arms. “We’re not talking about Britt again. You want to help me move on? Then fucking stop bringing it up.”

“No, not that. There’s something else. I can sense it.”

“Since when do you have a Mexican third eye as well?”

“Off topic.” Kurt waved her off. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

Santana lowered her head and slightly looked up at him, trying to decide wether to share or not. 

“Is the label pressuring you?” He tried.

Santana sighed, “Well, yes, that too.”

Kurt waited patiently for Santana to feel comfortable enough to share the rest.

“They were okay with delaying the start of my second album but now they’re starting to breathe down my neck. They say it’s been long enough and that i’m just deadweight they have to pay but get nothing in return for, which is fair— but still. I’m only human, I’m not some super song-writing machine like Mercedes.”

“I thought you loved writing songs?”

“Yeah... when I had Brittany.” Santana looked at her lap and started playing with her hands. “Now that I don’t have her... I can’t seem to even write one sentence... and when I do, they’re all just too gloomy or depressing.”

Kurt nodded in understanding. “Well, Adele wrote one whole album about her breakup which sold like Wonka bars. Who says you can’t?”

Santana shook her head, “You don’t get it. I don’t want to sing about her anymore, even though it might help me move on. But the thing is...” she bit her lip, “I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“Then write about how you can’t write. Write about how you want to feel instead of feeling like your heart has been ripped out. Write about conquering this heartbreak, like a powerful song?”

“How?” Santana looked up, tears in her eyes. 

“By remembering who you were before.”

“But I’ve been with Britt for as long as I-”

Kurt shook his head and waved his hands around, “No, think of the Santana in high school. You were fierce, strong, not afraid to speak your mind but you also had a big heart. You didn’t want to show it often but we all knew yours was just as big, if not bigger, as ours. Remember how it felt every time you got a solo and when you stood on the stage? Write about that feeling. Write about feeling on top of the world again.”

“Thanks, Hummel.”

He smiled at her and squeezed her hands, “Anytime. Now eat before it gets cold. I didn’t spend two hours in the kitchen for nothing.”

✫彡

Santana walked out off the apartment she had rented after her breakup with Brittany and crossed the street. She needed some fresh air and a distraction from her song-writing. Spring was around the corner but it was still very chilly in the big city, so she held the collar of her coat while walking through the tiny park close to her block. She started humming the melody she’d just come up with. Something just didn’t feel right yet.

Santana saw people look at her as they passed by but hoped that the big sunglasses on her face would keep them guessing of her identity. No matter how much she loved the attention from her fans, she sometimes just wanted to be normal and not have to pose for selfies every damn day.

“Hey, you!”

She sighed and stopped to turn around since she’d look like a real ass if she didn’t. She half expected to be met with a group of teenage girls with their phones ready to snap a picture, but instead she locked eyes with the girl from the diner.

“I think you dropped this.”

The girl apparently didn’t seem to recognise her thanks to the shades, and she handed her a crumbled piece of paper.

“Oh— um, thanks.” Santana gave her a tight-lipped smile. She stared back at the girl.

“I know you.”   (weren’t you in a movie with my sister? lmao sorry i had to, let’s continue)

Oh, no. The girl couldn’t find out that Santana was the woman who had basically stood her up after their talk in that diner.

She let out a breathy chuckle, “Do you?” 

“Yeah, you look familiar.” Something in Santana hoped that the girl recognised her for being a celebrity, not for what happened a week ago.

Y/N shamelessly looked her up and down before snapping her finger.

“Milkshake girl. I recognise your voice.”

Santana smiled awkwardly. Great, now she definitely looked like a douche. 

“Sorry about that, by the way... I-”

“No need to apologise. I probably came on too strong, sorry for giving you the wrong impression. I only wanted to cheer you up.” She smiled back, “It’s a shame though, it was a great milkshake.”

Santana’s expression softened, relieved at how well the girl had taken it. 

“I don’t think I’ve seen you again after that... You used to come in every few days. Is it my fault? Gunther would kill me if I lost him a customer. Wait— Don’t answer that. It’s none of my business.”

Santana smiled and removed her glasses.

“If he ever gets mad at you, just give him a box of Yeast-I-Stat. That’ll pretty much shut him up.”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, “How do you-”

“I worked there for a long time when I first moved to New York.” Santana shrugged, “I was pretty desperate for any kind of job when I landed that commercial.”

“Oh my God, you’re the Yeast-I-Stat girl!? I knew I recognised you from somewhere else, too.” The girl gasped, “I like yeast in my bagel... but not in my muffin.” She mocked and laughed afterwards.

“Oh, shut up, will you?” Santana shook her head in amusement, kinda glad those days were over.

“Is that really what you know me of?”

“Yeah, what else should I know you of? Any other embarrassing first-job commercials I should know about?”

Santana was about to mention her career but stopped herself. Clean slate. She wasn’t a celebrity in her private life. Besides, she didn’t want the girl to think she was bragging.

“No... thank God.”

They looked at each other for a few seconds before smiling.

“I’m Y/N.” She held out her hand for Santana to shake.

“Santana.”

Y/N smiled at her with the most adorable smile ever. Santana didn’t miss the twinkle in her eyes. 

She blinked a few times before shaking her head, “So, yeah. I should get going.”

“Oh, yeah, of course. I have to go, too...”

“Bye...” 

Santana waved softly as the girl turned around and walked off.

Clean slate, Santana.

✫彡

“They’re doing a Gloria Estefan night at the Spotlight Diner. We should totally go.”

“Not that I’m complaining, but that sounds out of character for the diner.” Rachel shrugged.

“I guess they finally had a cultural awakening.” Santana was mindlessly scrolling through her phone. “They’re probably too white to sing her Spanish songs though, bet they’re gonna butcher it.”

“So that’s a no for reserving us a table?” Kurt turned to the two.

“No, I wanna go.” 

“Count me in, too. I love ‘Conga’.”

Santana rolled her eyes, “That’s the only song you know of her, isn’t it?”

“No...”

“Keep next Friday night free.” 

✫彡

They walked in as ‘A Bailar’ by Gloria silently played over the speakers in the background. Santana scanned the room, shamelessly trying to find the girl she was looking for. Unfortunately, she was nowhere in sight. 

Kurt waved his hand and one of the waitresses came to take their order. They talked a bit as they waited for their food. Every time Santana saw a girl in the red outfit walk by from the corner of her eyes, her head would shot up, only to be disappointed again when it wasn’t Y/N.

“Tana, stop ogling everyone. Your food’s getting jealous.” Rachel pointed at the untouched plate in front of her. 

A few minutes later, their heads shot to the door as Y/N bursted through it. She quickly fixed her hair that was messed up by the wind and quickly tied a white apron around her waist. Gunther came from behind the counter. Though they couldn’t hear what he said, it was clear she was in trouble. He kept pointing his finger at her chest before snatching the apron off her waist and sending her into the back. 

“Oh, I bet she’s on cleaning duty now. Remember when I got an hour late because I was held up at an audition?”

Kurt and Rachel started talking but Santana wasn’t paying attention. 

Santana furrowed her eyebrows until she got a call from her PR manager. She declined and a few seconds after, she got a text.

Santana’s stomach sank and she froze. New relationship? Brittany had already moved on? Yet she still spent every day moping around, overthinking everything that had happened, unable to write any song that wasn’t about the blonde. Brittany was already giving someone else all her love? How was that fair? How was she even able to do that?

“Santana?”

“You alright?”

She snapped out of it and gave them a tightlipped, fake smile. There was no time for them to question her any further as Rachel let out a startled yelp when suddenly the first notes of ‘Conga’ blasted through the diner. The lights flickered and changed colour on the beat. Santana rolled her eyes, of course they’d start with that song. 

Girls started dancing through the pathways and tried to hype everyone up. Kurt was shimmying along and Rachel was nodding her head to the beat, a big smile on her face. Santana tried to blend but she was busy biting her lip to stop herself from crying. 

The percussion band on the little stage started playing ‘Cuba Libre’. A girl danced her way onto the stage and sang the Spanish verse. She was clearly hispanic since her pronunciation was great. Two girls started dancing on the counter and another helped someone up—Y/N. 

‘Cuba Libra’ faded into the chorus of ‘Turn the Beat Around’ to which Y/N took the lead. Santana’s frown softened at seeing the girl perform, but she still couldn’t shake the thought of Brittany off.

Santana sank back into her seat and crossed her arms, wanting to go home and crawl into her bed and not leave it for the next couple of days. She hadn’t even realised that another song was already playing and that the girls were pulling people out of their seats to ‘Get on Your Feet’. 

Y/N spotted Santana in the crowd and walked over to her, but Santana wouldn’t crack a smile. Y/N kept singing to her until she’d turn around. Kurt softly shook his head at the girl, telling her that she should leave Santana alone. But what he didn’t know, was that the girls already knew each other. Y/N noticed how Santana pursed her lips, not giving in to her. 

Y/N grabbed her shoulders, bent down to her height and slowly made the girl turn.

She sang to her,

“Deep in your heart is the answer. Find it, I know it will pull you through. Get on your feet!”

She leaned over to grab Rachel and Kurt’s hands, helping them stand up. Almost everyone in the diner was up and dancing right now, except for Santana. Kurt gave her a look, telling her to suck it up. 

“I think it's true that we've all been through some nasty weather,” Y/N turned to dance with one of her co-workers. She felt Santana look at her and walked back up to her. She danced around her. “Let's understand that we're here to handle things together.”

Y/N stuck out her tongue at Santana’s stoic expression, trying to break her. And it worked, Santana let out a soft chuckle and shook her head in amusement. Both Y/N and Kurt held out a hand for her to take. She rolled her eyes and stood up. The four of them danced together for a few seconds until Y/N walked back to the other girls. They ended the song on the stage, where everyone left but Y/N. They went back to eating their dinner as the next few songs would be slow and easy on the ears. 

Y/N sat down on the stool next to the guitarist. He started playing the soft notes of ‘Wrapped’. Kurt and Rachel went back to eating their food but Santana was too mesmerised by the girl to engage in their conversation. The soft light that was shining down on her made her look like she was the only one in the room. And judging by the look on the girl’s face while she sang, she felt like she was the only one in the room too. She hadn’t once opened her eyes the first minute, she was just so indulged in the song. 

A small smile made its way onto Santana’s face at the sight. She knew how good it felt to be so into a song that you could just forget the world around you— to find your corner of the sky. It was very obvious that Y/N felt at ease, even while performing in front of people. It was rare to see people be so clearly in love with what they were doing. 

Santana grabbed her phone, opened Instagram and decided to film this moment. Y/N’s face wasn’t recognisable from the distance where Santana was filming from so she decided to just put it into her story. Everyone deserved to see this. 

Was this positive and uplifting enough?

✫彡

‘What we know of Santana and Brittany’s breakup...’

‘Read what Brittany S Pierce has to say about her ex’

‘Santana’s social media silence over?’

‘Santana Lopez still in love or in love again?’

And many more headlines had been posted after that Friday. Santana got a lot of followers after her first post in over a year. She had also gotten a lot of hate, which was something she hadn’t missed. Brittany hadn’t said one bad word about their relationship or about Santana but for some reason she still received backlash. Brittany spoke so highly about Santana and all the questions were answered with respect. But Santana wasn’t surprised about that at all, that was just how Brittany was.

There were still people—mainly Brittany fans—who blamed Santana and made all kinds of crazy assumptions about what had happened. 

“Just delete the app. You don’t need that kind of toxic energy around you.”

Y/N was filling the ketchup bottles while she sat in front of Santana. 

How had this happened, you ask? One of Y/N’s coworkers had recognised her on Santana’s story and pointed it out to her. When Santana visited the diner again, Y/N had jokingly apologised about not knowing who she was before, to which Santana had replied,

“You knew who I was. You knew the real me. Not the celebrity or crazy hot girl from the Yeast-I-Stat commercials.”

After that, Santana made sure to come round when Y/N was done or only doing little chores. 

Y/N loved that she got a new friend and Santana was glad that she finally had someone who she could start over with. Someone who didn’t know her from back in high school and someone who didn’t become friends with her solely for the fact that she was famous.

“I can’t. They want me to post at least once a week.” Santana groaned, “I don’t even know what to post. All I do is sleep, try to write and go here.”

They worked in silence for a few minutes until Y/N opened her mouth again.

“Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetables?”

Santana furrowed her eyebrows, giving her a look. 

“No guesses? Well, they can’t ketchup.”

Santana snorted and shook her head. “Wow, okay. I’m going to pretend you didn’t just make an awful joke.”

“Yeah, you go do that while I bring these to the back.”

Santana watched her leave and sighed. The past week had been hell for Santana. She yearned for every little bit of attention from Y/N and her insides turned to mush whenever the girl smiled at her. But something held her back. She didn’t want to fall in love again. Not yet, not when she still held her high school sweetheart in her heart. But it was so hard to not stare at Y/N or freak out whenever she called her on the phone. 

“Ready?”

Santana laughed at the huge guitar in Y/N’s hands. She seemed so small now. 

“What’s that for?”

“You said you didn’t know what to post. You should post a little acoustic cover of that song I helped you finish last week?”

Santana looked at her, contemplating if she should agree or not. 

“Can you even play?”

Y/N smiled sheepishly, “Only that song. I practiced the chords all week. But hey, if I mess up— just know that i’m willing to publicly embarrass myself just to help you out.”

Santana smiled at her in adoration. “Fine. Okay.”

They walked to the vacant stage and put Santana’s phone on the sheet music standard.

“Oh-I... I’ll scoot out of the frame if me being in it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Why would it make me uncomfortable?”

Y/N laughed, “People might assume we’re together after all the assumptions about you in the magazines. That would be weird.”

Santana’s expression faltered. “O-Oh...yeah.. it would...” She faked a smile.

Y/N started strumming the guitar.

(radio silence by naya rivera)

Santana closed her eyes as she started singing. It was clear to everyone that this song was about Brittany and she wasn’t ready yet to let them hear the whole song. It felt too personal to give it away just like that. Which is why they decided to do just a snippet. 

She opened her eyes and looked at Y/N when one chord sounded terrible. You could hear Y/N giggle from behind the phone. Santana smiled wide and had a hard time singing without laughing. Y/N stuck out her tongue as she seemed focused on getting the next one right. Santana unintentionally looked at her longingly the last few notes but broke out of it when Y/N stopped playing. 

✫彡

Should she be thanking the tabloids? No, never. However, she couldn’t deny that they had been the reason why Y/N had even brought it up. 

“Do you like me?” 

Santana widened her eyes.

“And I don’t mean as friends. I mean like-like. Do you like-like me?”

“I-uh, I-” Santana stammered. 

“It would be really embarrassing if you didn’t, to be honest.”

Santana gave her a wary but panicked look.

“Because I do... like-like you, I mean.”

“Wow, wait— what?”

She opened and closed her mouth until she saw the honesty on Y/N’s face who let her statement linger in the air, hoping that Santana would say something. But the silence only heightened her nerves

“Santana-”

“I can’t... I can’t do this, I’m sorry.”

She quickly grabbed her stuff and left the diner, just like she had done the first time. 

She rushed home, biting her lip to prevent the tears in her eyes from falling. The second she unlocked her front door, she let them go. Santana tried to control her sobs as she sat on the couch, holding her head in her hands. 

Her safety net whenever she felt lost or emotional— Brittany — was gone, what was she supposed to do now? She let out another sob as she missed Britt’s arms holding her close. 

She reached for her phone without a second thought and dialled the woman’s number. Brittany picked up after a few seconds, much to Santana’s surprise.

“Hey, um, Santana. What’s up?”

Brittany decided to break the ice, but all formalities were thrown out the window when she heard the Latina let out another sob.

“Santana, are you okay?! What’s happened? Where are you?”

Was she okay? No. But what was she supposed to tell Brittany? That it was partly because of her?

“Please, say something, Tana. I’m worried.”

Santana held the bridge of her nose and let out a big, shaky sigh.

“Please forget that I called, this was a mistake. I’m sorry for bothering you.”

She hung up. But the phone rang after a few seconds. Santana tossed it next to her on the couch and rubbed her forehead. How could she have been so stupid?

It rang again. And again, and then another three times. Santana stared at the screen long and hard before picking it up. 

“Don’t shut me out, please. You know I still care about you when something’s wrong.”

Santana let out a huff and Brittany knew exactly what that meant.

“Santana, listen— I am so, so sorry for what happened. I too thought that we would be the happiest and sappiest couple forever but... some things just... happen. And I still completely understand how hard it was for you to stay friends with me without being with me and I’m so terribly sorry for that they brought you up in that interview— but I meant everything I said, Santana. You were the best thing that happened to me back then. And to me you still are my best and most incredible friend but... that’s just it.”

A long pause.

“And I kind of really miss hanging out with you and so does Lord Tubbington so if you’re comfortable with the idea, would you want to get together sometime soon? Wait— not get together-together, just... argh, you know what I mean.”

“How did you do it?” Santana broke her silence. “What changed in your mind for you to get the closure you needed? Because I never fucking got it.”

Brittany kept quiet, knowing there was more to follow.

“I have spent a whole year feeling like absolute shit, but I knew... that there was no way that we’d ever get together again. But the closure? Nope.” She furrowed her eyebrows in frustration. “And lately there’s been this incredible girl in my life and guess what? You two are fighting for first place in my head and I can’t help but want to push her out because I’m not ready to let her stay there until you are completely out of my thoughts.”

She heard Brittany let out a breath.

“Sant-”

“Oh, no, no, no. I don’t need a pity-party. I don’t-”

“Santana Lopez, listen to me.” Brittany raised her voice. “If your plan is to sabotage your own happiness, then congratulations— you’re well on your way. It’s no wonder that you’re having a hard time moving on. I mean, one— I’m a catch but two, we were together since high school, that’s a long time. We were each other’s first loves and truth be told, you never really forget those. You’ll compare every following relationship to that one, even if it was full of flaws. Truth is, you’ll never be able to move on or get the closure until you open yourself up to idea of loving someone else again. And I know how you work— you don’t ever want to open up to someone again but... if you give this girl a chance, who knows? She might be the one to change your mind. And I’ll cross my fingers she will. I hope she’ll kick me off first place like a rugby player.” Brittany snorted at her own joke. 

“Because you deserve a special someone too, Santana. And if you still don’t have the closure you need... I loved you, I cared for you, and in a way I still do. But we won’t ever get together again. That ship has sailed. I want you to be happy and I want to see you flourish in every aspect of life, just... without me being your special someone. I’d still very much like to be by your side, though, but as a friend.”

Santana let the words sink in until she suddenly widened her eyes. 

“I am such a fucking idiot.”

“Um... are we having the same phone call? Because I’m lost...”

“She told me she liked me and I ran out.”

“Was that metaphorically speaking or did you literally run out?”

“Like a chicken, Brittany.”

“Santana!? Be Chicken Little and run back!” Brittany exclaimed, “But watch out for the traffic, please, because that would be a tragic end to the story....and it would be animal abuse...”

Santana smiled softly, missing this side of Brittany.

“Okay, okay!” She laughed. 

“Keep me posted?”

Santana hummed, “Thank you, Britt.”

“Of course. You’re still my best friend, even if we haven’t seen each other in over a year. Go get the girl.”

✫彡

Santana hesitantly walked back into the diner. It wasn’t rush hour so there were only a few people having a drink.

“See you guys tomorrow!”

Y/N walked out of the backroom and froze in her spot when she saw Santana looking at her. A tightlipped, awkward smile appeared on her face and she tried to walk passed her but Santana grabbed her hand. 

“Wait, I-...I need to tell you something.”

Santana looked the girl in her eyes, seeing the anticipation and worry in them. But then she saw something else, she saw the same twinkle in her eyes when Y/N sang so beautifully that night. Only this time they were twinkling because she was looking at Santana.

She grabbed the girl’s cheek and planted a chaste kiss on Y/N’s lips. Y/N widened her eyes at first but kissed back. They parted when a bell coming from the kitchen interrupted them.

“So much for needing to tell me something...” Y/N chuckled heartily, “But I guess I got what you were trying to say.”

“You guess?” Santana shot back.

“Yeah... I’m still slightly confused...”

“How’s this?” Santana grabbed her by the waist and kissed her again. Y/N slowly tapped the girl on her chest when things started to get heated.

“Let’s keep it PG, we’ve got an audience.” 

Santana bit her lip in embarrassment when she saw that all eyes were on them now.

“But your message was loud and clear this time.” Y/N whispered in her ear and gave her one of the most adorable smiles.

“Oh...” Santana let out a breathy chuckle and looked at the ground. Being nervous was so out of character for her, but whenever it came to her and relationships she was always a simp for her significant other.

“But... can we take it slow? Because-”

Y/N nodded immediately. “I know, you don’t have to tell me. We’ll take it slow.”

✫彡

Y/N sat on Santana’s bed, reading a book while the Latina was trying to write a new song for her album. She heard yet another paper being ripped apart, followed by a loud groan. 

“Baby, you okay?”

Y/N bent over the couch and hugged Santana’s neck from behind, planting a kiss on her temple. Santana sighed and sat back, feeling more relaxed the second Y/N’s arms wrapped around her.

“It’s not working. I can’t seem to get my exact feelings onto paper and what I have now doesn’t even do it a little bit of justice.”

“The break-up song? Let me see-” Y/N went to reach for the notebook but Santana immediately turned around and smiled.

“You know what? I’m starving, and I want to take you out.”

“Oh— are you sure? We just had-”

“I’m sure. I need a break anyway.”

“Okay...well, let me get a jacket.”

Santana watched Y/N walk into the other room before quickly hiding the notebook behind the couch pillows again. She’d feel so embarrassed if Y/N ever read any of her love songs to her. Truth be told, ever since their first kiss in the diner, Santana had found her new muse. She had written a lot of songs since then but not one seemed to be good enough or do the girl justice. Besides, if Y/N read the lyrics to this song... Well, it would make or break their relationship and Santana wasn’t going to lose someone again.

“Let’s go.”

✫彡

“But I can tell my friends, right?”

“Baby, of course you can.”

“Sweet! I’m going to see them again next week. Can’t wait to see the look on their faces when they see you.”

“Oh, I’m... not sure if going with you is such a good idea.”

“I forgot— we’re taking things slow.” Y/N nodded to herself, “Sorry, I get too excited sometimes.”

Santana caressed the girl’s head and planted a kiss on it, “It’s okay. Soon.”

✫彡

“So, what’s been going on with you? I haven’t seen you in a few months.”

Y/N took a sip of her drink, “Well, i’m still working at the diner, that hasn’t changed. And-”

“You’re in love.”

“How-”

“I can sense it. Also, you've posted a lot of cheesy and soft quotes on your twitter so that was a dead give-away.”

“Well, yes. I’m dating someone.”

“Boy? Girl?”

“Girl, duh.” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Oh my God, Y/N!” Her friend squealed, “Who is it? Show me a picture, let me approve.”

“It’s Santana Lopez.”

The two friends fell quiet.

“The famous singer?” One of them asked.

“Hun, she’s hardly famous anymore. Are we sure she still even exists?”

“Hey!” Y/N pouted. “But I’m telling you the truth. It’s Santana.”

“Real funny, she doesn’t even live in New York.”

“Uh, yeah, she does.”

“No, she doesn’t. TMZ said she moved back to Ohio after the break-up.”

Y/N shook her head, “They also said she started dating a 80 year-old billionaire and bought a pet alpaca, which I think is ridiculous. You’re too gullible.”

Her friend shrugged, “Perhaps, yeah. But hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell us who it really is yet.”

Y/N rolled her eyes when they switched the topic.

✫彡

“How did it go, babe? Were you happy to see them again?”

“You’re not going to believe me but they thought I was joking.”

“Joking about what?”

Y/N sat down next to Santana on the couch, immediately cuddling up to her. “Well, they didn’t believe I was dating you.”

“Why would they not believe you?”

“I think you forgot that you’re kinda famous.”

She rolled her eyes, “I’m hardly famous.”

Y/N mocked her, earning a playful punch in the shoulder from Santana but her smile soon disappeared.

“Um...”

“No bad news, please!” Y/N immediately noticed the change in Santana.

“No, no, don’t worry. I mean, I don’t think it’s bad news— it’s just... a lot...to deal with right now.”

“Just rip the bandaid off.”

Santana grabbed her phone and showed Y/N the post.

“Oh...” Y/N swiped and saw that she had been photographed as well.

“I know we said we would take things slow so I’m so sorry that the media is trying to fuck that up again.” Santana examined Y/N, who was difficult to read. “This is exactly what ruined everything last time. Fuck! Here I thought it would be different this time around. I should’ve never-”

“Santana, sshh.” Y/N grabbed her hand, trying to calm her down. “Stop thinking.” 

Santana looked up like a sad puppy.

“Nothing is getting ruined again. Not on my watch.” She put the phone on the coffee table, “Let’s just ignore that. Let them start rumours, let them guess, let them make up drama but the only two people who really know the truth are you and I. It’s our life, not theirs. So no matter what they will say, I will love you unconditionally for as long as you want me to... and I will never feel differently... about you.” 

Santana's head shot up, looking puzzled and panicked at the same time.

“W-Where did you get that from?”

Y/N smiled at Santana and caressed her cheek, “You need to find better hiding places, babe.”

Y/N suddenly looked worried, “Unless that song wasn’t about me... then... well, this is awkward. Just-”

“I love you.” Santana cut her off, tears in her eyes. She felt the urge to pinch herself but decided it would look silly. Was she really in love again after all that she’d been through? 

“I love you too, unconditionally. And... you better make that song your first single.”

✫彡

“Guys, I’m literally in the pictures with her?!”

“Yah, but you look more like a fan of her than her girlfriend, look at you... swooning.”

“I mean, yes, I adore everything she does...”

Y/N’s friend leaned over and smiled, “So you’re really dating the Santana Lopez?”

“I mean, I sure hope she does...” Santana walked up to their table in the little cafe, startling Y/N’s friends while the girl just looked at them with a smirk on her face. Finally.

Santana sat down next to her and gave her girlfriend a kiss before turning back to the two friends sitting in front of them.

“Is that enough proof or do you need me to bend her o-”

“That’s enough!” Y/N gave Santana a playful slap across the head. 

“Oh my God, no!” Y/N’s friend exclaimed, “Speak for yourself! Imagine the money I’d make with a tape of that! I’d finally be the rich bitch I’ve always been deep down.” 

Y/n rolled her eyes at him and it earned a laugh from Santana, “I like you.” 

“Why, muchas gracias.”

“Wow, thanks for completely taking my spotlight. Hi, i’m her best friend, he’s just our accessory.”

“Excuse me?!”

Y/N shook her head at the two of them. 

“Are you regretting you came along?” Y/N turned to her girlfriend.

“We wouldn’t judge you if you said yes, to be honest.” Her friend laughed. 

Santana smiled at them, “No, it’s been a while since I met new people and you two seem fun and well, you mean a lot to this one over here so I’m happy to be here.”

Y/N snuggled up to Santana and put her head on her shoulder.

“Alright, go and make me jealous. It’s fine.”

“Shut up! Now tell us how you two met, please!”

✫彡

Santana couldn’t stop playing with her fingers and the bracelets on her wrist as the hours passed. Only a few more minutes now until her new song ‘My Unconditional Love’ would go online, for the world to hear. There had been a lot of speculations about the two women the past few months, but they had tried to be more discreet when they were outside. Much to the dismay of the paparazzi and tabloids. This song would basically be a dead give away to their relationship but she didn’t care. This song already meant so much to her and Santana hoped she could write plenty more songs like these about Y/N.

“Are you having second thoughts?”

Y/N’s voice interrupted her thinking.

“Wh- No, never! It’s probably my favourite song I ever wrote... it’s just... nerve-wracking, is all.”

“C’mere.”

Santana walked into Y/N’s open arms and let out a big sigh at the feeling of her arms around her. 

“You’ve come a long way and I am so proud of you... but most of all, I’m happy to be on this ride with you. I know this song will point a lot of fingers to us dating but hey, like we said before— no one needs to know but us and our friends and families. Capiche?”

Santana nodded and grabbed the girl’s cheeks, “I’m so happy with you.”

They both beamed from ear to ear until the bell rang. Santana opened the door. 

“I’m so excited!” Kurt squealed and dragged Rachel along inside.

“It’s time, guys!” Y/N sang as she appeared from the kitchen, trying to balance a tray with four champagne glasses on it. 

“Hook your phone up to the speakers!” Rachel grabbed a glass. Santana’s new song started playing which earned raised eyebrows from the three others.

“This isn’t the same song you sent me?!” Kurt exclaimed.

“No, it is. It’s just not the slow version. I’m keeping that version for us.” Santana grabbed Y/N’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “It felt too special to share.”

“Well, damn, I’m digging this one, too!”

They started dancing together to the upbeat song. Y/N kept staring at Santana, who seemed too excited and happy to notice.

Her unconditional love.

[newmusickarl]

Album & EP Recommendations

My word, the music world has well and truly spoiled us this week!

The past seven days has seen a colossal avalanche of new releases, so much so I’ve barely had chance to keep up with it all. Although this is not the full list of everything from the past seven days, here are the 16 (yes, 16!) new releases I’ve enjoyed the most this week.

As there is so much to get through the rundowns are (mostly) a bit shorter than normal and there is no single Album of the Week, instead I simply recommend checking out whichever album or track sounds most appealing depending on your preferred taste.

So without further ado then, here’s what’s good:

Californian Soil by London Grammar

It’s been four years since the release of London Grammar’s last record Truth Is A Beautiful Thing - an album that I enjoyed, but I’ll admit also left me feeling somewhat underwhelmed coming off the back of their incredible breakout debut, If You Wait. As it turns out, the band themselves were also having a tough time around that period, with front woman Hannah Reid in particular battling relentless industry sexism, as well as the persistent physical pain caused by her fibromyalgia condition. With this being the case, it is amazing that the young indie-pop trio have made it to their third album at all, let alone delivering what is their best work to date.

Opening on a grand, string-drenched Intro, the record soon morphs into the sun-soaked guitars and soaring orchestration of the album’s glorious title track. It marks an early highlight as Reid catches the audience up with the tribulations of the last few years – “I left my soul on Californian soil.” From there the album doesn’t really let up as the band move through a series of career-defining tracks – the gorgeous contemporary groove of Missing, the dance-influenced How Does It Feel, the chilled-out ambience of the dreamy Baby, It’s You and the sublime, stripped-back closer America.

However, the album’s strongest moment comes when Reid confronts music industry sexism head on with defiant anthem Lord It’s A Feeling. Beginning with some twinkly xylophone, before evolving into an atmospheric synth-laced backdrop where Reid pulls no punches:

“I saw the way you made her feel, like she should be somebody else,

I know you think the stars align for you and not for her as well,

I undеrstand, I can admit that I have felt those things mysеlf”

The cutting lyrics against some blinding quiet rave instrumentation leaves quite the impression, as does this sterling record in general. After a slight misstep, London Grammar have well and truly rediscovered themselves and they have honestly never sounded better – a truly incredible album.

If You Could Have It All Again by Low Island

Oxford electo-pop outfit Low Island are another band that have defied expectations to get to this point. This, their debut album, was not recorded in a professional music studio – in fact, the vocals were recorded in a bedroom cupboard of all places. The band themselves don’t even have a manager or a record label. In every sense of the word, they are a truly independent band. For a self-financed, self-produced effort, If You Could Have It All Again is a quite remarkable first outing.

From melodic, uplifting opener Hey Man, the record quickly jumps into spoken word electro punk banger What Do You Stand For, featuring acid-drenched synths and a dancefloor-ready groove. Fans of FIFA 21 will recall Don’t Let the Light In, with the glitchy pulse of recent single Who’s Having the Greatest Time also standing out. That said, it’s the smooth, infectious sway of I Do It For You that still pulls me in the most.

Having followed the band since their early EPs, I’ve been rooting for Low Island for a while now and this is one debut album I was highly anticipating this year. Safe to say, my expectations have been met – this is a fantastic, accomplished record, which leaves me eager to see where they go next.

The Greatest Mistake Of My Life by Holding Absence

There was a time when the difficult second album used to be a thing, but listening to the sophomore effort from Welsh rock band Holding Absence this week, I’m really not sure that exists anymore. After a dramatic and impressive self-titled debut two years ago, the band have wasted little time taking things up a notch, with this new album cinematic and masterfully produced from beginning to end.

From standout singalong anthems like Afterlife and In Circles, to the album’s epic seven-minute penultimate track Mourning Song, The Greatest Mistake of My Life shows a band pushing themselves and driving forward with ambition at every opportunity. In a year packed with outstanding rock and metal albums already, this is most definitely another one you can add onto that list. Soaring, impressive and demanding of repeat listens.

We Forgot We Were Dreaming by Saint Raymond

It’s been six long years since Nottingham-born singer-songwriter Callum Burrows, AKA Saint Raymond, released his debut album. However it seems the time away has been well spent as this long-awaited follow-up finds Burrows in fine form, with this album packed to the brim with catchy, glossily produced indie-pop anthems.

From the brilliant title track that opens the record, to the bouncy riffs of Right Way Round, Talk and Solid Gold, to more subdued and heartfelt moments like Only You, this album will have you smiling, singing your heart out and dancing your troubles away.

Flu Game by AJ Tracey

AJ Tracey may have only been three years old when Michael Jordan was winning NBA championships with the Chicago Bulls, but that hasn’t stopped him making a record influenced by the legendary icon and his famous 1997 Flu Game. Like many others including myself, grime superstar AJ Tracey spent lockdown watching the brilliant The Last Dance documentary, and this record weirdly works as a fantastic unofficial companion, but also just a great summer rap record.

McCartney III Imagined by Paul McCartney

Even if like me you completely missed Sir Paul McCartney’s 2020 album McCartney III, it’s well worth checking out this reimagining, where he has called on the help of some of his famous musician pals. This is a real who’s who line up of guest features including Beck, Khurangbin, St. Vincent, Blood Orange, Phoebe Bridgers, Damon Albarn, Josh Homme, Anderson .Paak and more, making for quite a fascinating mix of sounds and styles.

Moratorium (Broadcasts from The Interruption) by Enter Shikari

And finally on the albums front this week, genre-benders Enter Shikari have released a brilliant compilation of all their lockdown live performances, headlined by an incredible string-tinged acoustic version of The Dreamer’s Hotel and a beautifully stripped-back “At Home” rendition of Live Outside.

Tracks of the Week

Introvert by Little Simz

Wow, wow and wow again. Still fairly fresh off the back of her masterful, Mercury Prize nominated third album Grey Area, this week British rapper Little Simz released the first taste of her next record in the form of this epic and triumphant opening track. At six minutes in length, this majestic and operatic political anthem aims to grab the listener by the collar and shake them awake. Without a doubt, one of the best songs of the year so far, the powerful video for which you can view above.

Smile by Wolf Alice

The second taste of their forthcoming album Blue Weekend, Smile continues Wolf Alice’s pattern for alternating Loud/Soft releases, with this one featuring buzzy guitars, punky vocals and a hypnotic chorus melody.

Beautiful Beaches by James

Although written off the back of the California wildfires that impacted front man Tim Booth’s local community, the lyrics on the band’s latest anthem purposefully offer a dual meaning, giving hope to those dreaming of a post-lockdown getaway and fresh start.

He Said She Said by CHVRCHES

The Scottish trio made their much-anticipated return this week, with Lauren Mayberry also sharing her experiences of sexism on this arena-ready synth-pop banger.

Matty Healy by Georgia Twinn

Georgia Twinn delivers an infectiously catchy break-up anthem, inspired by an ex-boyfriend, who’s most interesting feature was supposedly looking like the 1975 frontman.

Kill It by Vukovi

Underground Scottish rock outfit Vukovi’s new single is so good, they even managed to get KILL IT trending over the weekend of its release. Masterfully produced with big bold riffs and trancey synths, this one just sounds huge.

Can’t Carry On by Gruff Rhys

The latest solo single from the former Super Furry Animals frontman is a stunning, super-melodic tune with an instant chorus you’ll be singing before the track has even finished its first play.

Ceremony by Deftones

One of the highlights off their last album Ohms, the nu-metal rockers have now delivered a cinematic new video directed by horror legend Leigh Whannell. Check it out!

Chasing Birds by Foo Fighters

And finally this week, Dave Grohl and company released a trippy new animated video for this Medicine At Midnight cut to help celebrate 420 in their own unique way. Again, well worth a watch!