#naya river x reader

[mother-above]

Until The Very End

part 2 of All the Time in the World

Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel and his family's world are turned upside down when a certain someone comes back to their lives.

Warnings: angst, violence, and death (I promise there's fluff)

*I HIGHLY recommend you read part 1 first!

picture credit: Naya Kotko (middle picture)

It was the most peculiar sensation. 

One minute you’re in the darkness and then, an almighty force rips you out, hurtling you toward the light. You’re left breathless and semi-unconscious until you are suspended in water, lungs filling with liquid until hands pull you out of the water. 

You coughed and expelled everything your body could while large warm hands swept the hair from your face. You blinked and there was Azriel, his golden-tan skin stained with blood, his black hair matted and sweaty. His jaw went slack and the faeries that surrounded you gasped. You wildly looked around to see yourself in the middle of a battlefield, your family frozen and staring at you with silver-lined eyes.

You were back. You were home.

“Azriel?” your voice hoarse. “Is it you?”

The shadowsinger’s heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Slowly, as if you would turn into dust and drift away, he cradled your face, eyes sweeping over your features. Every cell in his body sang as he realized it was you. The small scar on your chin, the freckle on the earlobe, how one eyebrow was more furrowed than the other. There were new marks but in that moment, Azriel brushed it off to worry about at another time. 

A sob broke through his lips, “How? How are you here?” Azriel didn’t wait for an answer, he wrapped his strong arms around your body and held you as close to him as possible.

The second you felt the weight of his arms, you started crying as well. His presence comforts you through your confusion. “I don’t know, I was there in that dark place by the river… and then something took me away. I was floating for a while and now I’m here.” 

Azriel looked at his family with concern written all over his features. You weren’t making any sense, but he brushed it off, you were just pulled out of the godsdamned Cauldron.

You held him close and inhaled his scent, it was your favorite and you never thought you’d smell cedarwood and chilled night mist again. You clung to him until you felt a gentle touch on your back, turning your head, you saw Rhysand next to you, he had to touch you too, make sure you were real. The rest of your family crowded around, their eyes filled with silver as they looked at you in wonder.

Azriel sat back on his heels as he watched his family hold you tight and tell you how much they’ve missed you. The High Lords who cared knelt beside you; their smiles warm as they asked you questions. Thesan hovered his glowing hands over your body, after close inspection he determined that you were physically healthy. He took note of the haggardness, the dark circles under your eyes, and told Rhysand that it was best to bring you back to Night Court to rest.

As reality slowly set in, Azriel felt that bond reappear, the golden strand thrumming to life and he could have wept all over again. Centuries of loneliness and sorrow washed away and soothed by your presence. The other side was still empty but that was okay, you were back and that’s all that mattered to him. After Feyre and her sisters were introduced, Rhysand winnowed you and Azriel to the townhouse. 

You were in tears again, the sight and smell of your home hit you like a ton of bricks. There were a few new scents in the mix but everything was relatively the same, the smell of baking bread, the wood burning in the fireplace, and glasses of whiskey, and wine that were left to be finished later.

Rhysand hated leaving you and Azriel alone but needed to deal with the aftermath of the war. While you wandered around the house, Rhys whispered instructions to Azriel.

“We don’t know what she’s been through so tread carefully, answer any questions she has, and hopefully she’s willing to open up about what happened,” said Rhysand as he looked at your figure, still shocked that you were once again standing in the living room. “I’ll send Madja over to heal you and check up on her. She seems fine now, but she might go into shock, let me kn-"

“Rhys, I got this. I’ll take good care of her. Go before the other Lords start another war,” said Azriel. 

Rhysand smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I know she’s your mate and you know exactly what to do. I just can’t believe she’s here.”

Azriel softly smiled as he watched you look out the window into Velaris. “Me too, Rhys.”

The shadowsinger joined by the bay windows, you were still looking into the city in disbelief. He wanted to hold your hand, but he wasn’t sure what you remembered, so he played it safe and poked you in the waist, something he'd done for hundreds of years. 

“Do you remember what happened to you? The day you died?” His voice still shook whenever he thought of that day, the way the earth swallowed you.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked up at Azriel, the anxiety and disorientation calming as you met his hazel gaze. Feeling exhausted, you leaned against the wall, a dull headache forming as you tried to remember the day.

“It was on a mission, the one with the Middengard worm. I buried it alive… I buried myself alive-” You paused as your blood ran cold. You remembered the feeling of the soil, the pressure around you, and how cold and hot it was at the same time. You were suffocating and numb all over. 

Azriel’s shadows noticed the shift of your mood, they could detect how alarmed you suddenly were. Half of his shadows moved towards you, the wisps caressing your face and shoulders. 

“Azriel,” you breathed, voice thick with emotion. “I died… but I wasn’t truly gone. Like a part of me was wandering in the darkness.” 

His shadows began to whisper, they didn’t like what you were implying, you had spent some time somewhere terrible. “What happened?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, fingers pressing against your temples. Everything seemed muddled, your old life and the time you spent in the darkness were blurring together. You shook your head. “I don’t know… it’s all mixed up.”

Azriel smoothed his hands over your shoulders. “It’s okay, let's get you cleaned up, and then you can go to sleep. We can figure it out when you wake up and everyone is back. Okay?”

“Okay.”

You walked through the house, up the stairs, and opened the door to your bedroom, stopping short when Azriel’s scent filled your senses. Looking around, you saw the décor had changed, the sheets blue and gray, not the floral pattern you favored. 

“We didn’t touch any of your things until about a year ago. Feyre and her sisters moved in, so we had to make room. All your things are up in the attic. I- uh… took your bedroom, it felt weird for any of them to sleep where you slept,” he said softly. He had just fought in a battle and his mate had risen from the dead all in 12 hours, he wasn’t sure how to feel.

“Oh, I can sleep somewhere else then, maybe Mor will let me sleep in her room.”

Azriel chuckled. You were thinking of his comfort before your own, maybe you haven’t changed. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, this will always be your room,” he paused, looking out the door. “Madja’s here, will you be okay by yourself? Do you need any help?

You shook your head. “I’ll be okay, Az. Go see Madja, you’re the one who looks like shit.”

He chuckled, the cheeky part of you hadn’t changed either.

While you peeled off the Illyrian leathers, flashes of black chiffon and silk flashed through your mind. You grabbed the tub's ledge, the sudden intrusion of memories leaving you unsteady. You blinked and you were back in the bathroom, the steam from the tub making the air thick and hazy. Looking at the mirror, you gasped in shock. You had just told Azriel he looked like shit but you may have looked worse than he did. The once flawless skin was covered in battle scars and burn marks, your forehead wrinkling trying and failing to remember how you got the marks.

Shaking your head, you lowered yourself into the water and looked around, it hadn’t changed much, your perfumes were still displayed on a shelf along with cologne that belonged to Azriel. Laying back, the steam smelling like cherry blossoms, you tried to remember what happened the day you died. Something happened that was important, but you couldn’t quite place it, you remember it meaning a lot to you, something you’ve been scared to do. 

After drying off, you realize you don’t have any clothes. Going to Azriel’s closet, you took out a black T-shirt and grey sweatpants, you had just rolled up the legs when fatigue took over. Shuffling to his bed, you pulled back the covers and let his comforting scent lull you to sleep. 

*** 

You had been asleep for a whole day. Azriel panicked because you didn’t stir, just deep and slow breathing. He almost woke you up at the 10-hour mark, but Madja forbade him to do so. You were fine, just extremely tired. He refused to leave your side, his family occasionally coming in to check on both of you. 

Elain even came in with a vase full of pink, red, and white peonies from her garden. Azriel told her all about you in their garden walks, she saw how loved you were by everyone so she decided to plant your favorite flowers in your honor. She sat with Feyre and Azriel for a while, their conversation glamoured so their voices wouldn’t wake you. The sisters could see the relief on Azriel’s face, he looked younger, the fine lines on his forehead smoothed out. Elain developed a liking for Azriel, but she let it wither and die as she watched him look at you. He looked at you the way Lucien would sometimes look at her, shame slowly filled her as she quietly observed you.

Azriel had years to sit and ponder about your mate bond. He spent thousands of hours agonizing over every single interaction you’ve had, his imagination running wild as he made up scenarios of him confessing his love. He had imagined the two of you living in a cottage on the outskirts of Velaris, he imagined cooking dinner and folding laundry with you. His hazel eyes caressed your peaceful form, he still couldn’t believe you were back. Azriel decided that he would tell you about the bond once you were fully adjusted to your life. The both of you were robbed of a life filled with love. Azriel didn’t want to waste time, he refused to.

The soft sunlight streaming from the window slowly woke you. You looked around to see Azriel dozed off in a chair by the bed. Sitting up, you examined him and how his shadows drifted to you, their cool touch making you smile as they caressed your cheek. He was so handsome, you couldn’t help but take in his beautiful features. The love you had for Azriel was the only tether you had to your humanity. The dark place consumed people, you saw it firsthand and you refused to be a mindless servant like those before you. You couldn’t believe you were back in Velaris, the warmth and light were something you missed. It was much better than feeling scorching heat and cold simultaneously. 

You watched the winged male before you with a melancholy smile. In your deep slumber, memories filtered in filling the empty gaps. The day you died, you kissed Azriel and he reciprocated, you could still feel the tingle of your lips. Even when you were in the dark place, you’d feel it time and time again, sometimes even a spark was felt in your chest when you thought about him. In the dark place, you fantasized that Azriel was your mate, you wished it was true but you stopped yourself from wanting things that could never happen. 

You wished you could climb onto his lap, let him hold you close with an arm thrown around his shoulders and your head fitting onto the crook of his neck… but you don’t. 

You didn’t want to wake him just yet, his perception of you was the old one, the powerful yet kind and gentle fae. You were scared he wouldn’t like you now, horrified that he wouldn't see you the same way when he found out where you’ve been and what you’ve done. You were also terrified of how your family would react to you. The time you had spent in the darkness changed you, how monstrous and lightless you’d become.

The sudden growl of your stomach betrayed you and made Azriel jolt awake, his eyes snapping toward your figure only to see you giving him a sheepish smile.  

“You’re awake! You must be starving,” he said as he looked at the clock. “It’s just past breakfast, I’ll have Naula and Cerridwen make more food.”

A couple of wisps of his shadows went through the wall, making a beeline to the wraiths so they could send the message. Slowly, you got out of bed as your joints creaked and muscles sorely stretched. Azriel hovered nearby sensing your discomfort, grimacing as you hissed in pain and stood up to your full height. 

“Are you okay? I can bring food in bed, you don’t have to get up.”

“I’m okay, I think I’ve been asleep for too long, my body needs to move,” you said while stretching. “Besides, I’ve missed you all so much, there's so much to tell you guys.”

Azriel stayed close the entire walk to the dining room, his hand on the small of your back only letting go to pull out a chair for you to sit on. The House had just provided a plate and utensils for you when Rhysand, Cassian, Mor, and Amren came in. They settled on the chairs, their smiles reaching their eyes as they took your figure in. They never thought they’d see you sitting in your designated spot again. The Archeron sisters sat in the nearby living room, they wanted to listen to what you had to say while giving you time with your family. Nuala came in with stacks of waffles, over-easy eggs, and sausages while Cerridwen carried pitchers of coffee and water. 

Answering their questions could wait, you were ravenous, and you couldn’t remember the last time you ate something. The taste of your favorite breakfast made you tear up. It took a while for you to notice that your family was staring, tender smiles on their lips as they watched you do the mundane. You swallowed the last bit of food and gave them an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t eaten in so long.”

Rhysand shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for, take all the time you need. I think we’re just in shock. We’ve spent centuries and decades staring at your spot on this table, we can’t believe you’re here.”

You smiled at the High Lord, he was always so kind.

Holding the warm mug between your hands, you looked at Azriel whose gaze was so loving, that you weren’t scared to talk about what you’ve been through.

“Everything was fuzzy when I was taken out of the cauldron, I didn’t remember what my life was like in Hel until now… the day I buried myself and the Middengard worm, I died. I remember feeling everything at once, it was scorching, freezing, painful, and numb all at the same time. Everything was deafeningly quiet, so dark and still, and then I woke up in the middle of a field. Hel was bleak,” you said as you looked out the window to see the vibrant colors of Velaris. “Everything was tinted gray, the only bright color was fire.”

Your family watched you go rigid, your eyes glazing as you looked into the darkness in your coffee cup. Azriel put a hand on your shoulder but you didn’t acknowledge it, you were lost in your memories.

“I walked aimlessly for hours, I knew I was no longer in Prythian but I was confused and heartbroken. I thought that if I kept moving, I’d find something familiar. Hel was incredibly dangerous. There were these dark monsters that roamed around. The creatures of Illyria are nothing compared to what I’ve seen and dealt with. I spent days spending every second trying to survive, for some reason, the only thing I could conjure was fire so that’s what I used. By now, I’d consider myself a master, better than the Vanserras.”

“Were you alone?” asked Amren. “Were there any faeries or humans you ran into?”

“I thought I was but one day, this figure in a dark cloak appeared before me. He was taller than any fae I’ve seen, his hood was up and I never saw his face. I’m not even sure he had one. He introduced himself as the God of Death, he said he’d been watching me and saw potential. He said he wanted me to be a soldier, he wanted me to protect something-” Your face scrunched as you tried to remember the place. “Styx. The God of Death wanted me to protect souls that were ferried to and from a river called Styx. The river itself was magical, if you were dipped into the water, you became invulnerable and the God of Death tasked me to stop all creatures from doing so. The god perceived these individuals who sought out the power of the river as a threat. There was so much violence. Monsters were attempting to eat the souls of the dead, I’ve lost count of how many I’ve incinerated or sliced through.”

You blinked as you remembered the sword that was gifted to you. Waving a hand over the table, you conjured the silver sword, the metallic clang making your family jump in surprise. Cassian moved to touch it but your hands stopped him. 

“I wouldn’t touch that if I were you. It’s enchanted. If you knick yourself, you’d feel the pain of every single creature I’ve slayed. I learned that the hard way,” you chuckled darkly. Your thumb grazed over a small knick on your palm.

Cassian drew his hand back quickly, his eyes wide as he took you in a new light. Your entire family realized it then too, how different you were. You were still beautiful and as lovely as they remembered but your eyes were haunted, your aura heavy and dark. They noticed the battle scars that littered your body. They felt tears prickle in their eyes, it was hard to imagine someone so full of life surrounded by death and violence.

“Is that what you did for all those years? All by yourself?” asked Azriel, his voice laced with despair. “How did you do it?”

Azriel’s hand cupped your cheek, you leaned onto the familiar roughness of his palm, closed your eyes, and savored his touch. Morrigan smiled and looked away, delighted that two souls who were meant to be had found each other once again. 

“I would find a way to survive and take it day by day, my memories of this family helped me get through the worst of it. Over time, it got easier, and I accepted my new role in the underworld, I protected the dead and River Styx. I am.… I was bloodthirsty. I killed anything that got in my way.”

Once again, your eyes glazed over as you pondered the life you had lived a few days ago. Amren exchanged weary glances between Azriel and Rhysand. She was thousands of years old, she had heard of the place you’ve been in and Amren couldn’t believe how sane you seemed. Her silver eyes scanned the wounds and patches of scorched skin and she knew they’d all have to wait and see, you’ve only been back for a few days.

***

A week has passed since the war and your resurrection. Everyone was busy dealing with the aftermath, the Inner Circle had to take on extra work since Azriel refused to leave your side. No one would ask him to do so, it would have been impossible. Azriel was like his shadows, he moved when you moved and you loved him for it, without him, you’d have gone crazy. He was over the moon when you shyly asked him if you could sleep next to him. So much had happened and you needed a sense of normalcy like sleeping in your old room.

At first, there was a respectable amount of distance between you but once your nightmares started, you were reaching for him. He was happy to comply and loved that you felt safe with him. Since the first night you shared a bed, you couldn’t relax until Azriel’s arms were wrapped around you but even then, you’d barely sleep. The God of Death whispered to you in your dreams. He kept telling you that the universe took you away from him too early, that he still needed you to guard the river Styx. 

There were times when you’d be awake, you’d swear you could hear his whisper from across the room. You were too scared to tell anyone about it, you desperately wanted to stay in Velaris and return to your old life that you chose to ignore the whispers. If you don’t acknowledge it, it means it doesn’t exist, right?

Once the shock of being back in Velaris had worn off, you fell into a deep state of melancholia. If you weren’t curled up in a dark corner of the house, you were always on edge, constantly having your back to the wall so you could see everything in the room. That mighty sword from Hel was kept in a pocket realm, close enough to grab and use if you need it. 

You felt strange, it was good to be back but you weirdly felt out of place. At first, it was a joy to see all the colors of the rainbow but now that you’ve settled, everything was too bright and crisp. You found yourself longing for the dullness of the underworld.

Feyre told you about the memorial Rhysand built and suggested that visiting it could be healing. Amren also recommended that you try to use all your powers slowly and reconnect with nature instead of staying inside. To Azriel’s relief, you agreed and he eagerly volunteered to fly you to the memorial. The first thing you did was gasp at the grand memorial, a beautiful structure with colossal columns. Azriel sat on a bench in the front, he wanted to give you space and time to think. He couldn’t imagine what you were feeling, most creatures never see their gravestones let alone their memorial.

The memorial was filled with flowers in various stages, some have become beautiful dry bouquets and some were still vibrant and fragrant. A soft smile graced your lips, Azriel wasn’t joking when he said people still thought of you. Your cheeks redden at the thought of the last hundred or so years. They wouldn’t celebrate you if they knew what you’ve done with steel and flame.

The sound of the Sidra bouncing on the marble lulled you into a dazed state, the flow of the water reminding you of the river Styx. You made your way to the river and knelt on the bank, the fabric of your dress slowly getting soaked. A tentative hand skimmed the top of the water, a sigh of relief leaving your lips as you felt the familiar water. Your blood sang as your soul and body reconnected with the elements of Velaris, your other hand was splayed on the grass, fingers digging into the dirt. You closed your eyes and let the earthy smell fill your senses and for a few moments, you felt like the old you. 

Your serene mood had affected the river, what was once rushing had calmed into a slow, steady stream. Looking down, you peered at the water and remembered how you used the river Styx to look at your reflection; to remind yourself of who you were. Suddenly, the peace was ruined when you blinked and saw a familiar black chiffon over your head. You screamed as you thrashed and scrambled away from the water. Your hands fly to your head to rip off the black fabric only to feel your skin. 

Azriel was next to you in an instant. “What?!” His hands grasped your shoulders forcing you to keep still.

Your eyes were wide and haunted. “I thought I saw something in the water! Something from the underworld.”

Azriel scooped your trembling body and shadows surrounded you as he winnowed to the front door of the townhouse. His family watched wide-eyed as Azriel burst through the door with you curled up in Azriel’s arms. He had just finished helping you settle into bed with the help of Amren and Feyre when he wearily sank into an armchair.

“What happened?” asked Rhysand. He had tried to look into your minds to find the answer but you and Azriel had impenetrable walls up. If he was being honest, he was scared to peek into your head.

Nearly in tears, Azriel shook his head. “I don’t know, I was trying to give her space but I should’ve kept a closer eye on her. By the time I got to her, she was crying and screaming. I don’t know if she saw or remembered something but it was bad. She kept clawing at her face as if something was over her head. I thought she was getting better and then this happened… I don’t know how to help her.”

Rhysand chewed the inside of his lip, he wished he had all the right answers for his brother but Azriel’s situation was unheard of. “I think all we can do is give her time and let her know that she has our love and support every step of the way. We can help her research about Hel and resurrections, I’ll write a letter to Helion so we can visit his libraries.”

Azriel nodded, “Okay. I know you wanted me on some missions but Rhys- I can’t. I can’t stand the idea of leaving her side again.”

The High Lord observed the shadowsinger.  Azriel looked younger than he had in years yet he undoubtedly looked exhausted. 

“Have you told her about your bond?” asked Rhysand. “Maybe knowing she has a mate will make the transition easier, it’ll help her cope with the centuries she’s been gone.”

Azriel squirmed in his chair. “What if she rejects me? What if it makes her feel worse knowing she’s tied down to someone like me?”

Rhysand suppressed a sigh, he hated it whenever Azriel doubted himself or second-guessed the Mother’s blessing of a mate.

“You know that’s not true,” interjected Rhysand. “She loved you before you felt the bond snap.”

Azriel resettled onto his chair, a crystal glass filled with liquor cradled in his hands. He couldn’t help feeling insecure, it’s been so long since the bond snapped and even longer when the two of you flirted and danced around each other. Your death brought upon loneliness that consumed him that he had forgotten what your love felt like.

“Okay,” said Azriel feeling much better now that he had a plan. “I’ll let her know tomorrow.”

“Everything is going to be okay–”

Rhysand was cut short by shouting and clamoring in the upstairs bedrooms. His eyes briefly glazed meaning he was speaking to Feyre. He immediately shot up and made a beeline to your room while Azriel sprinted after Rhysand. They stormed into your room and found the remnants of scorched sheets and a frantic Amren and Feyre. 

“What happened?” asked Azriel, his eyes wildly surveying the room. “Where’s y/n?”

Through the smoke, Azriel saw Amren clutching her hand to her chest. Feyre hovered over the small fae, concern etched on her face.

“Amren was trying to talk to her, get more information about what happened in the underworld. Everything was fine until she got upset when we asked what else the death god asked her to do,” said Feyre, words trembling as adrenaline coursed through her. “Her entire body erupted in fire, Amren was holding her hand when it happened. The three of us got startled, and she switched back to normal and immediately started crying and apologizing. You should have seen her face… she felt so guilty.”

“I tried telling her it was fine but she vanished,” said Amren. “I don’t know where she winnowed to but we need to find her soon. She isn’t okay.”

Azriel’s shadows burst out in every direction, their sole mission was to find you. Rhysand and Feyre scanned the city of thoughts about you but there was nothing, half of Azriel’s shadows came back whimpering in concern. Cassian and Nesta were informed and they immediately strapped their weapons and joined the search. 

Azriel was an unstoppable force, he went to every single place he could think of. The markets, the library, your memorial, and when everyone else checked off other places in the city, he and his brothers winnowed to Illyria. Azriel tore through Windhaven and nearby camps but they found no sign of you. Feyre and Mor had sent out letters warning the other High Lords you were missing and in an unstable condition. 

*** 

The inner circle stumbled into the townhouse in exhaustion, hours had gone by with no sign of you and Azriel felt like he was going to lose his mind. A part of him was terrified that you had returned to the Hel, scared you were dragged back into the darkness. He couldn’t lose you again, he would rather die. There was nothing to do but wait, half of his shadows were still searching and the other High Lords had soldiers searching for you in their courts.

Feyre told Azriel to get some sleep but everyone knew he wouldn’t get rest until you were back in his arms.

Azriel was pacing on the balcony waiting for reports from his shadows and spies when Amren stood next to him, a bandage wrapped around her hand. 

“She didn’t hurt me too bad,” said Amren before the spymaster could ask. “Now that most of my powers have been stripped away from me, my body has to get used to High Fae healing.”

He looked at her bandaged hand and shook his head. He knew you ran because you had hurt one of your dearest friends. He just wished you’d come back. 

“I’m really worried about her. I don’t have much experience but the God of Death is not to be trifled with. He kept her in Hel for years which means he likes and trusts her. I’m afraid he’s trying to drag her back.”

Azriel’s heart pounded against his chest. “Can he do that? Take her back to Hel?”

“He isn’t the Cauldron,” continued Amren. “He’s not powerful enough to do it by force but… he can try to convince her to join him. Make her go willingly.”

“What does that mean? She has to die again?”

Silver rimmed Amren’s eyes. “I don’t know. We just need to find her fast before it’s too late.”

Suddenly, Morrigan came running in. “Rhy’s got reports of strange phenomena on an island near the continent,” panted Mor. “The King of Vallahan is saying large tidal waves emit from the island and that the once dormant volcano is active again.”

Azriel sucked in a breath, he knew this had to be you. 

“Let’s go. Rhysand’ll winnow us in.”

***

You didn’t mean to hurt Amren. That white-hot rage was uncontrollable once she kept asking questions about Hel and all that frustration and confusion burst out. The shock on Amren’s face made you sob, you’ve never seen her so frightened in your life. You singed her hand and you prayed to the Mother you didn’t leave any lasting marks. The burnt skin immediately reminded you of Azriel and that’s when you wanted to disappear. What if you hurt more of your family? Azriel?

You’re not sure where you winnowed to but the sun was beating down and the rock beneath you felt weirdly comforting even though it was hot to the touch. You laid on the scorching stone, you wanted to punish yourself and let your skin blister. You began to hallucinate, one moment you were on an island, and in a second, you were back in the underworld. Creatures would stand in the corner of your vision, you weren’t sure if they were real because every time you turned, they’d slither away. 

You began to panic as your world continued oscillating between the island you were in and Hel. Azriel was nowhere to be found and mentally screaming for Rhysand wasn’t working at all. You needed something to comfort you. With a wave of your hand, your sword gifted from the death god appeared before you. Taking a deep breath, you placed your hand on the familiar handle, and then the magic began. Black silk and chiffon slowly materialized over your body turning into a dress. Chiffon covered your head and you ran toward the water, desperate to look into the reflection. 

Then every memory flooded back in. 

Flashes of you standing in Hel with a bloodied silver sword. The black fabric clinging to you where blood had spilled and splattered. Every cry of horror before you delivered a death blow echoed in your ears. The smell of dirt and copper clung to the air, the steam of fresh blood wafting towards you. The memory of plunging your stained arms and blade into the cold river made goosebumps litter your skin.

So many creatures had crossed your sword. 

Faeries. Monsters. Humans. Half-gods. 

And you obliterated all of them. 2,865 creatures to be exact.

A gust of salty air stunned you back to reality, the wind making the chiffon flow.

How could you face your family after what you’ve done? Azriel, Cassian, and Rhysand would always tell you they felt guilty about how many they’ve killed but your numbers were unforgivable. You did the bidding for a death god. Some of the creatures you killed weren’t even that evil, they just wanted to gain the power of the river Styx. How could Azriel want you now? 

You began rapidly breathing, your gasps sounding shallow, and the world around you began to spin. You thought you were hallucinating your dress, but the material that covered your body was very much real. Storm clouds began to cover the sun and the sound of crashing waves grew louder. The ground groaned beneath you making you snap your head toward the mountain. The sound of rumbling got louder the more panicked you felt, you tried to calm yourself but nothing was working. Sinking to your knees, the tears began to spill as confusion, self-loathing, and panic overwhelmed you.

Curling into a ball, you cried until there were no tears left. The ground was hot and it rumbled while the wind twisted and swirled around you. There was no desire to move, you wanted the earth to consume you once more.

That was until you heard the familiar flap of wings. Remembering the sound of the winged beasts from Hel, you shot up and conjured a ball of fire in one hand and brandished the sword in the other.

Whoever it was converged quickly and moved faster than anticipated, you were about to launch a flame when familiar rough skin grasped your arms. You blinked and there was Azriel’s towering figure standing before you. Gasping in horror, you let go of the sword and let the fire wither.

Backing away, you tensed in his touch. “Go away! I don’t want to hurt you.”

He shook his head. “You’re not going to hurt me. I know you won’t hurt me.”

You looked up at him to see dark circles under his eyes, he was exhausted yet his eyes held so much love as peered down.

He lowered himself to your height, grasped the chiffon, and uncovered your head. “Do you know why I know you won’t hurt me?”

You looked at him blankly, still stunned that Azriel was on the island with you.

“We’re mates. I wish I got to tell you in better circumstances but I love you and I will always love you no matter what.”

Your brows scrunched in confusion and then you felt it, a pleasurable burn in your chest as a golden thread slowly materialized and snapped into place. You gasped at the flow of emotions coming from Azriel, it was filled with love and it terrified you.

“I’m dangerous,” you said as you shook your head. “Look at me. I need to get away.”

Azriel’s hands went up to cup your cheek. “You could throw one of those damned fireballs at me and I’d still crawl back to you because I can no longer live life without you.”

You squeezed your eyes shut. “I don’t deserve you. I hurt Amren. I’m going to hurt you one day and I won’t forgive myself,” you said gingerly placing a hand on the scarred parts of his hands.

Azriel was quiet at first, he looked back at his family who had flown or winnowed in and then he looked at you, his mate. His thumb traced your cheekbone as he watched your eyes slowly deglaze.

“I have felt a world without you in it and I never want to feel like that again. I am empty without you. I don’t want to breathe air that you aren’t breathing. I don’t want to wake up and see a blue sky knowing you aren’t there to admire it. I can’t do life without you. Never again,” he said as his voice faltered. “ I can’t do this without you. ”

“You love me?”

He nodded and smiled as silver-lined his eyes.

The bond thrummed between you, it was golden and strong.

You looked into his hazel eyes and believed him, relief flooded through your veins as you launched yourself, wrapping your arms around Azriel.

“I remember what happened the day I died. I was scared you wouldn’t accept the new me.”

He held you close and pressed his lips against your hair. “Impossible. I would love every version of you, our souls will always be bound together."

In Azriel’s embrace, whatever hold the God of Death had on you had unlatched. The black silk and chiffon disappeared into the ether and left you in your old garments. The only thing left was the silver sword that was thrown haphazardly on the ground.

Death lets you keep it as a “thank you” for what you’ve done. You were his lovely steadfast servant, but he wasn’t too upset about having to let you go. After all, whether it was in a year or a millennium, he knew you’d cross paths once more.

***

It took a while but you finally adjusted to life back in Prythian. The public rejoiced your return and the world finally seemed at peace again, the other High Lords were happy to come to Night Court and visit their old friend. Your role in Rhysand and Feyre’s court was reestablished and everything slowly went back to normal. The inner circle was still in disbelief you were alive and cherished every moment they had with you and the Archeron sisters immediately loved you.

Every morning, you and Azriel sat on the porch of a beautiful cottage that he had bought for the two of you. It was on the outskirts of Velaris and right next to the Sidra. You would drink your morning coffee and listen to the birds singing. Sometimes you were sat on Azriel’s lap or your feet propped up on his leg or he was simply holding your hand. Never again would Azriel take anything for granted, he learned the hard way that no one has all the time in the world. He knew how lucky he was to have this second chance.

Hel had changed you but you learned to accept that. You were darkness and Azriel was your light and you would cherish him until the very end.

Thank you thank you thank you for reading! I hope you loved our reader's happy ending! Lmk what you think! 😘

tags: Thank you for your patience, my loves!!!

@why4anne, @fxckmiup, @macimads, @azriels-shadowsinger, @thestartitaness, @willowpains, @scatteredstardustt, @amysangel, @starryhiraeth, @nastynesta, @tenshis-cake, @meshellexplosionmurder, @coureurs-de-bois9, @chessebookgirl, @prettylittlewrites, @lisanna2000, @tsibba01, @rcarbo1

[nnightskiess]

santana lopez imagine

i kinda combined two requests together bc i thought they’d fit well!

a/n: this is for u elena. sorry you had to wait so long♡ 

also, i wanted to try and show that soft and nervous side of santana that came out at the beginning with dani, so i’m sorry if it feels out of character sometimes. (i did my best lol)

“So, what’s been going on with you? I haven’t seen you in a few months.” 

Y/N was having lunch with her friends from back home. It had been hard to keep in touch with them now that she had been living in New York for over a year. Not that she’d complain, since she gained multiple new friends and... well, a relationship. And not with just anyone— with Santana Lopez, whose singing career skyrocketed after a duet on Mercedes Jones’ album. She got a record deal a month after and her first EP was a hit. She went on tour with her first album but had vanished off the face of the earth after her very public breakup with her high school girlfriend and her backup dancer, Brittany S. Pierce. She stopped posting on social media, she wasn’t spotted by paparazzi anymore and her plans for a second album were now off the table. It was clear to everyone that the breakup had broken the girl. That was until she walked into the diner she used to work at and locked eyes with Y/N. Santana didn’t want to fall in love with anyone else and wasn’t completely over Brittany, so it wasn’t love at first sight. 

But the moment Y/N stole the show while taking the lead singing Shout by The Trammps, she knew there was something special about the girl. Was it her voice that Santana’s mind went to when she lied in bed that night? Or the twinkle in her eyes when she sang? Or perhaps the way her smile widened a tad bit more when she looked at Santana?  

Santana found herself go back to the diner on days where she’d rather sit in bed and cry. She’d forget her sorrow in moments they locked eyes but could cry again when Y/N wasn’t working that day. 

Santana had taken her notebook with her, the one she would never let anyone read— well, except for Brittany. It’s where most of her songs were born and where her most delicate and vulnerable thoughts were being kept. She’d never been too keen on sharing emotions with everyone, so writing them down was a great alternative. 

“I normally wouldn’t ask, but I’ve seen you here with that notebook now at least a couple of times... Are you writing a book?”

Santana’s head shot up. Y/N was standing next to her table, wiping her hands onto her apron.

Santana cracked a soft smile, “No—actually, I’m writing songs... a song... well, trying to, at least. My label wants-” She swallowed her sentence, she didn’t want this girl to know about any of that drama. 

Y/N seemed to ignore it.

“You sing?”

Santana nodded but furrowed her eyebrows when Y/N sat down in front of her. “Go on, then. Let me hear what you’ve got so far.”

“Oh, no no no-”

Y/N pursed her lips, “Did it happen not too long ago?” she asked after a couple of seconds of Santana trying to get out of this situation. 

She rose her eyebrows, unsure of how Y/N read the situation so well, 

“It’s actually been a while but it still hurts.” She caught herself confessing.

“Then I won’t pry. I’ll leave you to it.” Y/N slid out of the booth, “Oh, and— I happen to know that our strawberry milkshake is the best medicine to heartbreak. It’s on me.”

“Thanks...” Santana watched her leave into the kitchen and immediately rubbed her temples when the girl left her sight. No, no, no, no. Not again. But wasn’t this exactly the reason she had started visiting the diner more and more? To spike up a conversation with the girl? She cursed at herself, stood up, grabbed her stuff and left the diner. She wasn’t ready yet. She could take the short glances and attention, but that was the line. The only woman she had truly trusted was no longer with her, she couldn’t open up to anyone again. 

Through the window of the diner she could see the girl with a disappointed expression on her face the moment she realised Santana had left. But Santana didn’t turn around and kept walking. 

✫彡

“Okay, stop crushing my spirit. I wanted a nice dinner with you.”

“Then you should’ve just asked Berry over for dinner. I’m sure she’d tell you all about her awfully cheerful day.”

Kurt put his hand on Santana’s so that she would stop playing with her food. She glared at him. 

“You can glare at me all you want, but we’re not going to brush things under the carpet. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Santana dropped her cutlery and sat back, crossing her arms. “We’re not talking about Britt again. You want to help me move on? Then fucking stop bringing it up.”

“No, not that. There’s something else. I can sense it.”

“Since when do you have a Mexican third eye as well?”

“Off topic.” Kurt waved her off. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

Santana lowered her head and slightly looked up at him, trying to decide wether to share or not. 

“Is the label pressuring you?” He tried.

Santana sighed, “Well, yes, that too.”

Kurt waited patiently for Santana to feel comfortable enough to share the rest.

“They were okay with delaying the start of my second album but now they’re starting to breathe down my neck. They say it’s been long enough and that i’m just deadweight they have to pay but get nothing in return for, which is fair— but still. I’m only human, I’m not some super song-writing machine like Mercedes.”

“I thought you loved writing songs?”

“Yeah... when I had Brittany.” Santana looked at her lap and started playing with her hands. “Now that I don’t have her... I can’t seem to even write one sentence... and when I do, they’re all just too gloomy or depressing.”

Kurt nodded in understanding. “Well, Adele wrote one whole album about her breakup which sold like Wonka bars. Who says you can’t?”

Santana shook her head, “You don’t get it. I don’t want to sing about her anymore, even though it might help me move on. But the thing is...” she bit her lip, “I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“Then write about how you can’t write. Write about how you want to feel instead of feeling like your heart has been ripped out. Write about conquering this heartbreak, like a powerful song?”

“How?” Santana looked up, tears in her eyes. 

“By remembering who you were before.”

“But I’ve been with Britt for as long as I-”

Kurt shook his head and waved his hands around, “No, think of the Santana in high school. You were fierce, strong, not afraid to speak your mind but you also had a big heart. You didn’t want to show it often but we all knew yours was just as big, if not bigger, as ours. Remember how it felt every time you got a solo and when you stood on the stage? Write about that feeling. Write about feeling on top of the world again.”

“Thanks, Hummel.”

He smiled at her and squeezed her hands, “Anytime. Now eat before it gets cold. I didn’t spend two hours in the kitchen for nothing.”

✫彡

Santana walked out off the apartment she had rented after her breakup with Brittany and crossed the street. She needed some fresh air and a distraction from her song-writing. Spring was around the corner but it was still very chilly in the big city, so she held the collar of her coat while walking through the tiny park close to her block. She started humming the melody she’d just come up with. Something just didn’t feel right yet.

Santana saw people look at her as they passed by but hoped that the big sunglasses on her face would keep them guessing of her identity. No matter how much she loved the attention from her fans, she sometimes just wanted to be normal and not have to pose for selfies every damn day.

“Hey, you!”

She sighed and stopped to turn around since she’d look like a real ass if she didn’t. She half expected to be met with a group of teenage girls with their phones ready to snap a picture, but instead she locked eyes with the girl from the diner.

“I think you dropped this.”

The girl apparently didn’t seem to recognise her thanks to the shades, and she handed her a crumbled piece of paper.

“Oh— um, thanks.” Santana gave her a tight-lipped smile. She stared back at the girl.

“I know you.”   (weren’t you in a movie with my sister? lmao sorry i had to, let’s continue)

Oh, no. The girl couldn’t find out that Santana was the woman who had basically stood her up after their talk in that diner.

She let out a breathy chuckle, “Do you?” 

“Yeah, you look familiar.” Something in Santana hoped that the girl recognised her for being a celebrity, not for what happened a week ago.

Y/N shamelessly looked her up and down before snapping her finger.

“Milkshake girl. I recognise your voice.”

Santana smiled awkwardly. Great, now she definitely looked like a douche. 

“Sorry about that, by the way... I-”

“No need to apologise. I probably came on too strong, sorry for giving you the wrong impression. I only wanted to cheer you up.” She smiled back, “It’s a shame though, it was a great milkshake.”

Santana’s expression softened, relieved at how well the girl had taken it. 

“I don’t think I’ve seen you again after that... You used to come in every few days. Is it my fault? Gunther would kill me if I lost him a customer. Wait— Don’t answer that. It’s none of my business.”

Santana smiled and removed her glasses.

“If he ever gets mad at you, just give him a box of Yeast-I-Stat. That’ll pretty much shut him up.”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, “How do you-”

“I worked there for a long time when I first moved to New York.” Santana shrugged, “I was pretty desperate for any kind of job when I landed that commercial.”

“Oh my God, you’re the Yeast-I-Stat girl!? I knew I recognised you from somewhere else, too.” The girl gasped, “I like yeast in my bagel... but not in my muffin.” She mocked and laughed afterwards.

“Oh, shut up, will you?” Santana shook her head in amusement, kinda glad those days were over.

“Is that really what you know me of?”

“Yeah, what else should I know you of? Any other embarrassing first-job commercials I should know about?”

Santana was about to mention her career but stopped herself. Clean slate. She wasn’t a celebrity in her private life. Besides, she didn’t want the girl to think she was bragging.

“No... thank God.”

They looked at each other for a few seconds before smiling.

“I’m Y/N.” She held out her hand for Santana to shake.

“Santana.”

Y/N smiled at her with the most adorable smile ever. Santana didn’t miss the twinkle in her eyes. 

She blinked a few times before shaking her head, “So, yeah. I should get going.”

“Oh, yeah, of course. I have to go, too...”

“Bye...” 

Santana waved softly as the girl turned around and walked off.

Clean slate, Santana.

✫彡

“They’re doing a Gloria Estefan night at the Spotlight Diner. We should totally go.”

“Not that I’m complaining, but that sounds out of character for the diner.” Rachel shrugged.

“I guess they finally had a cultural awakening.” Santana was mindlessly scrolling through her phone. “They’re probably too white to sing her Spanish songs though, bet they’re gonna butcher it.”

“So that’s a no for reserving us a table?” Kurt turned to the two.

“No, I wanna go.” 

“Count me in, too. I love ‘Conga’.”

Santana rolled her eyes, “That’s the only song you know of her, isn’t it?”

“No...”

“Keep next Friday night free.” 

✫彡

They walked in as ‘A Bailar’ by Gloria silently played over the speakers in the background. Santana scanned the room, shamelessly trying to find the girl she was looking for. Unfortunately, she was nowhere in sight. 

Kurt waved his hand and one of the waitresses came to take their order. They talked a bit as they waited for their food. Every time Santana saw a girl in the red outfit walk by from the corner of her eyes, her head would shot up, only to be disappointed again when it wasn’t Y/N.

“Tana, stop ogling everyone. Your food’s getting jealous.” Rachel pointed at the untouched plate in front of her. 

A few minutes later, their heads shot to the door as Y/N bursted through it. She quickly fixed her hair that was messed up by the wind and quickly tied a white apron around her waist. Gunther came from behind the counter. Though they couldn’t hear what he said, it was clear she was in trouble. He kept pointing his finger at her chest before snatching the apron off her waist and sending her into the back. 

“Oh, I bet she’s on cleaning duty now. Remember when I got an hour late because I was held up at an audition?”

Kurt and Rachel started talking but Santana wasn’t paying attention. 

Santana furrowed her eyebrows until she got a call from her PR manager. She declined and a few seconds after, she got a text.

Santana’s stomach sank and she froze. New relationship? Brittany had already moved on? Yet she still spent every day moping around, overthinking everything that had happened, unable to write any song that wasn’t about the blonde. Brittany was already giving someone else all her love? How was that fair? How was she even able to do that?

“Santana?”

“You alright?”

She snapped out of it and gave them a tightlipped, fake smile. There was no time for them to question her any further as Rachel let out a startled yelp when suddenly the first notes of ‘Conga’ blasted through the diner. The lights flickered and changed colour on the beat. Santana rolled her eyes, of course they’d start with that song. 

Girls started dancing through the pathways and tried to hype everyone up. Kurt was shimmying along and Rachel was nodding her head to the beat, a big smile on her face. Santana tried to blend but she was busy biting her lip to stop herself from crying. 

The percussion band on the little stage started playing ‘Cuba Libre’. A girl danced her way onto the stage and sang the Spanish verse. She was clearly hispanic since her pronunciation was great. Two girls started dancing on the counter and another helped someone up—Y/N. 

‘Cuba Libra’ faded into the chorus of ‘Turn the Beat Around’ to which Y/N took the lead. Santana’s frown softened at seeing the girl perform, but she still couldn’t shake the thought of Brittany off.

Santana sank back into her seat and crossed her arms, wanting to go home and crawl into her bed and not leave it for the next couple of days. She hadn’t even realised that another song was already playing and that the girls were pulling people out of their seats to ‘Get on Your Feet’. 

Y/N spotted Santana in the crowd and walked over to her, but Santana wouldn’t crack a smile. Y/N kept singing to her until she’d turn around. Kurt softly shook his head at the girl, telling her that she should leave Santana alone. But what he didn’t know, was that the girls already knew each other. Y/N noticed how Santana pursed her lips, not giving in to her. 

Y/N grabbed her shoulders, bent down to her height and slowly made the girl turn.

She sang to her,

“Deep in your heart is the answer. Find it, I know it will pull you through. Get on your feet!”

She leaned over to grab Rachel and Kurt’s hands, helping them stand up. Almost everyone in the diner was up and dancing right now, except for Santana. Kurt gave her a look, telling her to suck it up. 

“I think it's true that we've all been through some nasty weather,” Y/N turned to dance with one of her co-workers. She felt Santana look at her and walked back up to her. She danced around her. “Let's understand that we're here to handle things together.”

Y/N stuck out her tongue at Santana’s stoic expression, trying to break her. And it worked, Santana let out a soft chuckle and shook her head in amusement. Both Y/N and Kurt held out a hand for her to take. She rolled her eyes and stood up. The four of them danced together for a few seconds until Y/N walked back to the other girls. They ended the song on the stage, where everyone left but Y/N. They went back to eating their dinner as the next few songs would be slow and easy on the ears. 

Y/N sat down on the stool next to the guitarist. He started playing the soft notes of ‘Wrapped’. Kurt and Rachel went back to eating their food but Santana was too mesmerised by the girl to engage in their conversation. The soft light that was shining down on her made her look like she was the only one in the room. And judging by the look on the girl’s face while she sang, she felt like she was the only one in the room too. She hadn’t once opened her eyes the first minute, she was just so indulged in the song. 

A small smile made its way onto Santana’s face at the sight. She knew how good it felt to be so into a song that you could just forget the world around you— to find your corner of the sky. It was very obvious that Y/N felt at ease, even while performing in front of people. It was rare to see people be so clearly in love with what they were doing. 

Santana grabbed her phone, opened Instagram and decided to film this moment. Y/N’s face wasn’t recognisable from the distance where Santana was filming from so she decided to just put it into her story. Everyone deserved to see this. 

Was this positive and uplifting enough?

✫彡

‘What we know of Santana and Brittany’s breakup...’

‘Read what Brittany S Pierce has to say about her ex’

‘Santana’s social media silence over?’

‘Santana Lopez still in love or in love again?’

And many more headlines had been posted after that Friday. Santana got a lot of followers after her first post in over a year. She had also gotten a lot of hate, which was something she hadn’t missed. Brittany hadn’t said one bad word about their relationship or about Santana but for some reason she still received backlash. Brittany spoke so highly about Santana and all the questions were answered with respect. But Santana wasn’t surprised about that at all, that was just how Brittany was.

There were still people—mainly Brittany fans—who blamed Santana and made all kinds of crazy assumptions about what had happened. 

“Just delete the app. You don’t need that kind of toxic energy around you.”

Y/N was filling the ketchup bottles while she sat in front of Santana. 

How had this happened, you ask? One of Y/N’s coworkers had recognised her on Santana’s story and pointed it out to her. When Santana visited the diner again, Y/N had jokingly apologised about not knowing who she was before, to which Santana had replied,

“You knew who I was. You knew the real me. Not the celebrity or crazy hot girl from the Yeast-I-Stat commercials.”

After that, Santana made sure to come round when Y/N was done or only doing little chores. 

Y/N loved that she got a new friend and Santana was glad that she finally had someone who she could start over with. Someone who didn’t know her from back in high school and someone who didn’t become friends with her solely for the fact that she was famous.

“I can’t. They want me to post at least once a week.” Santana groaned, “I don’t even know what to post. All I do is sleep, try to write and go here.”

They worked in silence for a few minutes until Y/N opened her mouth again.

“Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetables?”

Santana furrowed her eyebrows, giving her a look. 

“No guesses? Well, they can’t ketchup.”

Santana snorted and shook her head. “Wow, okay. I’m going to pretend you didn’t just make an awful joke.”

“Yeah, you go do that while I bring these to the back.”

Santana watched her leave and sighed. The past week had been hell for Santana. She yearned for every little bit of attention from Y/N and her insides turned to mush whenever the girl smiled at her. But something held her back. She didn’t want to fall in love again. Not yet, not when she still held her high school sweetheart in her heart. But it was so hard to not stare at Y/N or freak out whenever she called her on the phone. 

“Ready?”

Santana laughed at the huge guitar in Y/N’s hands. She seemed so small now. 

“What’s that for?”

“You said you didn’t know what to post. You should post a little acoustic cover of that song I helped you finish last week?”

Santana looked at her, contemplating if she should agree or not. 

“Can you even play?”

Y/N smiled sheepishly, “Only that song. I practiced the chords all week. But hey, if I mess up— just know that i’m willing to publicly embarrass myself just to help you out.”

Santana smiled at her in adoration. “Fine. Okay.”

They walked to the vacant stage and put Santana’s phone on the sheet music standard.

“Oh-I... I’ll scoot out of the frame if me being in it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Why would it make me uncomfortable?”

Y/N laughed, “People might assume we’re together after all the assumptions about you in the magazines. That would be weird.”

Santana’s expression faltered. “O-Oh...yeah.. it would...” She faked a smile.

Y/N started strumming the guitar.

(radio silence by naya rivera)

Santana closed her eyes as she started singing. It was clear to everyone that this song was about Brittany and she wasn’t ready yet to let them hear the whole song. It felt too personal to give it away just like that. Which is why they decided to do just a snippet. 

She opened her eyes and looked at Y/N when one chord sounded terrible. You could hear Y/N giggle from behind the phone. Santana smiled wide and had a hard time singing without laughing. Y/N stuck out her tongue as she seemed focused on getting the next one right. Santana unintentionally looked at her longingly the last few notes but broke out of it when Y/N stopped playing. 

✫彡

Should she be thanking the tabloids? No, never. However, she couldn’t deny that they had been the reason why Y/N had even brought it up. 

“Do you like me?” 

Santana widened her eyes.

“And I don’t mean as friends. I mean like-like. Do you like-like me?”

“I-uh, I-” Santana stammered. 

“It would be really embarrassing if you didn’t, to be honest.”

Santana gave her a wary but panicked look.

“Because I do... like-like you, I mean.”

“Wow, wait— what?”

She opened and closed her mouth until she saw the honesty on Y/N’s face who let her statement linger in the air, hoping that Santana would say something. But the silence only heightened her nerves

“Santana-”

“I can’t... I can’t do this, I’m sorry.”

She quickly grabbed her stuff and left the diner, just like she had done the first time. 

She rushed home, biting her lip to prevent the tears in her eyes from falling. The second she unlocked her front door, she let them go. Santana tried to control her sobs as she sat on the couch, holding her head in her hands. 

Her safety net whenever she felt lost or emotional— Brittany — was gone, what was she supposed to do now? She let out another sob as she missed Britt’s arms holding her close. 

She reached for her phone without a second thought and dialled the woman’s number. Brittany picked up after a few seconds, much to Santana’s surprise.

“Hey, um, Santana. What’s up?”

Brittany decided to break the ice, but all formalities were thrown out the window when she heard the Latina let out another sob.

“Santana, are you okay?! What’s happened? Where are you?”

Was she okay? No. But what was she supposed to tell Brittany? That it was partly because of her?

“Please, say something, Tana. I’m worried.”

Santana held the bridge of her nose and let out a big, shaky sigh.

“Please forget that I called, this was a mistake. I’m sorry for bothering you.”

She hung up. But the phone rang after a few seconds. Santana tossed it next to her on the couch and rubbed her forehead. How could she have been so stupid?

It rang again. And again, and then another three times. Santana stared at the screen long and hard before picking it up. 

“Don’t shut me out, please. You know I still care about you when something’s wrong.”

Santana let out a huff and Brittany knew exactly what that meant.

“Santana, listen— I am so, so sorry for what happened. I too thought that we would be the happiest and sappiest couple forever but... some things just... happen. And I still completely understand how hard it was for you to stay friends with me without being with me and I’m so terribly sorry for that they brought you up in that interview— but I meant everything I said, Santana. You were the best thing that happened to me back then. And to me you still are my best and most incredible friend but... that’s just it.”

A long pause.

“And I kind of really miss hanging out with you and so does Lord Tubbington so if you’re comfortable with the idea, would you want to get together sometime soon? Wait— not get together-together, just... argh, you know what I mean.”

“How did you do it?” Santana broke her silence. “What changed in your mind for you to get the closure you needed? Because I never fucking got it.”

Brittany kept quiet, knowing there was more to follow.

“I have spent a whole year feeling like absolute shit, but I knew... that there was no way that we’d ever get together again. But the closure? Nope.” She furrowed her eyebrows in frustration. “And lately there’s been this incredible girl in my life and guess what? You two are fighting for first place in my head and I can’t help but want to push her out because I’m not ready to let her stay there until you are completely out of my thoughts.”

She heard Brittany let out a breath.

“Sant-”

“Oh, no, no, no. I don’t need a pity-party. I don’t-”

“Santana Lopez, listen to me.” Brittany raised her voice. “If your plan is to sabotage your own happiness, then congratulations— you’re well on your way. It’s no wonder that you’re having a hard time moving on. I mean, one— I’m a catch but two, we were together since high school, that’s a long time. We were each other’s first loves and truth be told, you never really forget those. You’ll compare every following relationship to that one, even if it was full of flaws. Truth is, you’ll never be able to move on or get the closure until you open yourself up to idea of loving someone else again. And I know how you work— you don’t ever want to open up to someone again but... if you give this girl a chance, who knows? She might be the one to change your mind. And I’ll cross my fingers she will. I hope she’ll kick me off first place like a rugby player.” Brittany snorted at her own joke. 

“Because you deserve a special someone too, Santana. And if you still don’t have the closure you need... I loved you, I cared for you, and in a way I still do. But we won’t ever get together again. That ship has sailed. I want you to be happy and I want to see you flourish in every aspect of life, just... without me being your special someone. I’d still very much like to be by your side, though, but as a friend.”

Santana let the words sink in until she suddenly widened her eyes. 

“I am such a fucking idiot.”

“Um... are we having the same phone call? Because I’m lost...”

“She told me she liked me and I ran out.”

“Was that metaphorically speaking or did you literally run out?”

“Like a chicken, Brittany.”

“Santana!? Be Chicken Little and run back!” Brittany exclaimed, “But watch out for the traffic, please, because that would be a tragic end to the story....and it would be animal abuse...”

Santana smiled softly, missing this side of Brittany.

“Okay, okay!” She laughed. 

“Keep me posted?”

Santana hummed, “Thank you, Britt.”

“Of course. You’re still my best friend, even if we haven’t seen each other in over a year. Go get the girl.”

✫彡

Santana hesitantly walked back into the diner. It wasn’t rush hour so there were only a few people having a drink.

“See you guys tomorrow!”

Y/N walked out of the backroom and froze in her spot when she saw Santana looking at her. A tightlipped, awkward smile appeared on her face and she tried to walk passed her but Santana grabbed her hand. 

“Wait, I-...I need to tell you something.”

Santana looked the girl in her eyes, seeing the anticipation and worry in them. But then she saw something else, she saw the same twinkle in her eyes when Y/N sang so beautifully that night. Only this time they were twinkling because she was looking at Santana.

She grabbed the girl’s cheek and planted a chaste kiss on Y/N’s lips. Y/N widened her eyes at first but kissed back. They parted when a bell coming from the kitchen interrupted them.

“So much for needing to tell me something...” Y/N chuckled heartily, “But I guess I got what you were trying to say.”

“You guess?” Santana shot back.

“Yeah... I’m still slightly confused...”

“How’s this?” Santana grabbed her by the waist and kissed her again. Y/N slowly tapped the girl on her chest when things started to get heated.

“Let’s keep it PG, we’ve got an audience.” 

Santana bit her lip in embarrassment when she saw that all eyes were on them now.

“But your message was loud and clear this time.” Y/N whispered in her ear and gave her one of the most adorable smiles.

“Oh...” Santana let out a breathy chuckle and looked at the ground. Being nervous was so out of character for her, but whenever it came to her and relationships she was always a simp for her significant other.

“But... can we take it slow? Because-”

Y/N nodded immediately. “I know, you don’t have to tell me. We’ll take it slow.”

✫彡

Y/N sat on Santana’s bed, reading a book while the Latina was trying to write a new song for her album. She heard yet another paper being ripped apart, followed by a loud groan. 

“Baby, you okay?”

Y/N bent over the couch and hugged Santana’s neck from behind, planting a kiss on her temple. Santana sighed and sat back, feeling more relaxed the second Y/N’s arms wrapped around her.

“It’s not working. I can’t seem to get my exact feelings onto paper and what I have now doesn’t even do it a little bit of justice.”

“The break-up song? Let me see-” Y/N went to reach for the notebook but Santana immediately turned around and smiled.

“You know what? I’m starving, and I want to take you out.”

“Oh— are you sure? We just had-”

“I’m sure. I need a break anyway.”

“Okay...well, let me get a jacket.”

Santana watched Y/N walk into the other room before quickly hiding the notebook behind the couch pillows again. She’d feel so embarrassed if Y/N ever read any of her love songs to her. Truth be told, ever since their first kiss in the diner, Santana had found her new muse. She had written a lot of songs since then but not one seemed to be good enough or do the girl justice. Besides, if Y/N read the lyrics to this song... Well, it would make or break their relationship and Santana wasn’t going to lose someone again.

“Let’s go.”

✫彡

“But I can tell my friends, right?”

“Baby, of course you can.”

“Sweet! I’m going to see them again next week. Can’t wait to see the look on their faces when they see you.”

“Oh, I’m... not sure if going with you is such a good idea.”

“I forgot— we’re taking things slow.” Y/N nodded to herself, “Sorry, I get too excited sometimes.”

Santana caressed the girl’s head and planted a kiss on it, “It’s okay. Soon.”

✫彡

“So, what’s been going on with you? I haven’t seen you in a few months.”

Y/N took a sip of her drink, “Well, i’m still working at the diner, that hasn’t changed. And-”

“You’re in love.”

“How-”

“I can sense it. Also, you've posted a lot of cheesy and soft quotes on your twitter so that was a dead give-away.”

“Well, yes. I’m dating someone.”

“Boy? Girl?”

“Girl, duh.” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Oh my God, Y/N!” Her friend squealed, “Who is it? Show me a picture, let me approve.”

“It’s Santana Lopez.”

The two friends fell quiet.

“The famous singer?” One of them asked.

“Hun, she’s hardly famous anymore. Are we sure she still even exists?”

“Hey!” Y/N pouted. “But I’m telling you the truth. It’s Santana.”

“Real funny, she doesn’t even live in New York.”

“Uh, yeah, she does.”

“No, she doesn’t. TMZ said she moved back to Ohio after the break-up.”

Y/N shook her head, “They also said she started dating a 80 year-old billionaire and bought a pet alpaca, which I think is ridiculous. You’re too gullible.”

Her friend shrugged, “Perhaps, yeah. But hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell us who it really is yet.”

Y/N rolled her eyes when they switched the topic.

✫彡

“How did it go, babe? Were you happy to see them again?”

“You’re not going to believe me but they thought I was joking.”

“Joking about what?”

Y/N sat down next to Santana on the couch, immediately cuddling up to her. “Well, they didn’t believe I was dating you.”

“Why would they not believe you?”

“I think you forgot that you’re kinda famous.”

She rolled her eyes, “I’m hardly famous.”

Y/N mocked her, earning a playful punch in the shoulder from Santana but her smile soon disappeared.

“Um...”

“No bad news, please!” Y/N immediately noticed the change in Santana.

“No, no, don’t worry. I mean, I don’t think it’s bad news— it’s just... a lot...to deal with right now.”

“Just rip the bandaid off.”

Santana grabbed her phone and showed Y/N the post.

“Oh...” Y/N swiped and saw that she had been photographed as well.

“I know we said we would take things slow so I’m so sorry that the media is trying to fuck that up again.” Santana examined Y/N, who was difficult to read. “This is exactly what ruined everything last time. Fuck! Here I thought it would be different this time around. I should’ve never-”

“Santana, sshh.” Y/N grabbed her hand, trying to calm her down. “Stop thinking.” 

Santana looked up like a sad puppy.

“Nothing is getting ruined again. Not on my watch.” She put the phone on the coffee table, “Let’s just ignore that. Let them start rumours, let them guess, let them make up drama but the only two people who really know the truth are you and I. It’s our life, not theirs. So no matter what they will say, I will love you unconditionally for as long as you want me to... and I will never feel differently... about you.” 

Santana's head shot up, looking puzzled and panicked at the same time.

“W-Where did you get that from?”

Y/N smiled at Santana and caressed her cheek, “You need to find better hiding places, babe.”

Y/N suddenly looked worried, “Unless that song wasn’t about me... then... well, this is awkward. Just-”

“I love you.” Santana cut her off, tears in her eyes. She felt the urge to pinch herself but decided it would look silly. Was she really in love again after all that she’d been through? 

“I love you too, unconditionally. And... you better make that song your first single.”

✫彡

“Guys, I’m literally in the pictures with her?!”

“Yah, but you look more like a fan of her than her girlfriend, look at you... swooning.”

“I mean, yes, I adore everything she does...”

Y/N’s friend leaned over and smiled, “So you’re really dating the Santana Lopez?”

“I mean, I sure hope she does...” Santana walked up to their table in the little cafe, startling Y/N’s friends while the girl just looked at them with a smirk on her face. Finally.

Santana sat down next to her and gave her girlfriend a kiss before turning back to the two friends sitting in front of them.

“Is that enough proof or do you need me to bend her o-”

“That’s enough!” Y/N gave Santana a playful slap across the head. 

“Oh my God, no!” Y/N’s friend exclaimed, “Speak for yourself! Imagine the money I’d make with a tape of that! I’d finally be the rich bitch I’ve always been deep down.” 

Y/n rolled her eyes at him and it earned a laugh from Santana, “I like you.” 

“Why, muchas gracias.”

“Wow, thanks for completely taking my spotlight. Hi, i’m her best friend, he’s just our accessory.”

“Excuse me?!”

Y/N shook her head at the two of them. 

“Are you regretting you came along?” Y/N turned to her girlfriend.

“We wouldn’t judge you if you said yes, to be honest.” Her friend laughed. 

Santana smiled at them, “No, it’s been a while since I met new people and you two seem fun and well, you mean a lot to this one over here so I’m happy to be here.”

Y/N snuggled up to Santana and put her head on her shoulder.

“Alright, go and make me jealous. It’s fine.”

“Shut up! Now tell us how you two met, please!”

✫彡

Santana couldn’t stop playing with her fingers and the bracelets on her wrist as the hours passed. Only a few more minutes now until her new song ‘My Unconditional Love’ would go online, for the world to hear. There had been a lot of speculations about the two women the past few months, but they had tried to be more discreet when they were outside. Much to the dismay of the paparazzi and tabloids. This song would basically be a dead give away to their relationship but she didn’t care. This song already meant so much to her and Santana hoped she could write plenty more songs like these about Y/N.

“Are you having second thoughts?”

Y/N’s voice interrupted her thinking.

“Wh- No, never! It’s probably my favourite song I ever wrote... it’s just... nerve-wracking, is all.”

“C’mere.”

Santana walked into Y/N’s open arms and let out a big sigh at the feeling of her arms around her. 

“You’ve come a long way and I am so proud of you... but most of all, I’m happy to be on this ride with you. I know this song will point a lot of fingers to us dating but hey, like we said before— no one needs to know but us and our friends and families. Capiche?”

Santana nodded and grabbed the girl’s cheeks, “I’m so happy with you.”

They both beamed from ear to ear until the bell rang. Santana opened the door. 

“I’m so excited!” Kurt squealed and dragged Rachel along inside.

“It’s time, guys!” Y/N sang as she appeared from the kitchen, trying to balance a tray with four champagne glasses on it. 

“Hook your phone up to the speakers!” Rachel grabbed a glass. Santana’s new song started playing which earned raised eyebrows from the three others.

“This isn’t the same song you sent me?!” Kurt exclaimed.

“No, it is. It’s just not the slow version. I’m keeping that version for us.” Santana grabbed Y/N’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “It felt too special to share.”

“Well, damn, I’m digging this one, too!”

They started dancing together to the upbeat song. Y/N kept staring at Santana, who seemed too excited and happy to notice.

Her unconditional love.