#IM THE BLIND ONE. I FIXED IT

[canonkiller]

angy that tumblr doesn't add alt text to existing reblogs when the op is updated

[puppppppppy]

started stardew valley for the first time. born to remember villager likes and dislikes forced to immediately forget it the moment i take my eyes off thw wiki

[wizardnuke]

MATTHEW TELL ME LORE ABOUT THE LUXON BEACONS WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THOSE THANGS. WHAT DOES ESSEK KNOW

[lex-the-lesbiann]

my most controversial dndads take is probably that i think code purple was the right decision what who said that?!

[roguetaxidermyy]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

[alittleemo]

mannnnnnnnbb fuck November I’m so tired of feeling lonely in my own life.

[starryemeralds]

guys don’t worry, aziraphale is just in his zuko arc

[happywitch416]

I'd like to meet the creator of mini blinds. I just wanna talk!

[malleleothreesome]

i wish i could have a silly little day on tumblr but I have to read my 80 page HOA document to see if the boomer condominium overlords will ALLOW me to get my new dishwasher (that i bought on black friday like a true, miserable adult marching towards death) DELIVERED AND INSTALLED on the 23rd as expected or if I have to cancel the delivery because there are too many rules for me to abide by and my soul is simply too tired to jump through the necessary hoops to comply.

[crescentmp3]

love planning out an entire video game that will take me years of learning to get started on making.

[boomerang109]

no because i get so stuck on how endless everything feels, how life is so long and these horrible habits i have now are part of my life story forever but

life is so long. every little good choice i make will add up. i don’t have to fix everything today, it can take time

[phagodyke]

awww.... there goes my lazy mutation for almost guaranteed full health at the end of biomes 😔

[1am-s0-veryt1red]

I am going to end up on the 6 o'clock news.

[thatdemiboymess]

Even just half-heartedly looking for work as someone who is legally blind, autistic, with no highschool diploma, GED, or degrees and who can't leave the house is a very specific kind of let-down and disappointment that just really makes a person depressed.

[feralcleric]

now that one's a keeper for sure

[mariasont]

i love your hotch x bimbo!assistant!!! they are so super, super, super cute! is it possible to see how them being domestic and in an established relationship, especially at work? ik hotch would be professional but bimbo!assistant would probably be a lovely menace hehe.

LOVELY MENACE - A.H

a/n: im so glad you all love bimbo reader as much as me ugh!!!! thank you sm for requesting--lovely menace is literally the most accurate description of her <3

masterlist

pairings: aaron hotchner x bimbo!assistant!reader

warnings: bimbo!assistant reader borderline harassing hotch at work but i dont think that's a shocker

wc: 0.8k

Aaron Hotchner was nothing if not a man of routine. Arrive early, coffee black, reports stacked just so, and then never ending stacks of cases. His days were predictable, orderly. He liked it that way.

But then there was you. The one thing in his life he seemed unable to control.

The tap of your heels sounded through the bullpen as you made your daily grand entrance, as you liked to call it.

Today you were wearing a sheer blouse that, if his eyes weren’t mistaking him, shimmered under the overhead lights. That same shirt was tucked into a skirt that was just short enough to make him tense up in his chair.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t used to you look stunning—I mean, it was practically your default setting—but today, the whole outfit seemed to scream I don’t have time for you, I have much more important plans with much more important people.

"Morning, sir," you chirped, sounding just a touch too sweet as you approached his desk, clutching a folder you didn't even need.

His body was already on high-alert.

"Morning," Hotch said without missing a beat as he scanned the report in front of him.

You leaned against the side of the desk, making a slow show of flipping through the file in your hands. "Big day ahead?"

"Every day is a big day," he replied, not looking up.

You smiled, leaning just a bit closer, close enough that if he leaned forward even in the slightest, he knew he’d be way closer than company policy dictates to your breasts.

"You know, for someone who is secretly in love with me, you're very good at pretending you don't even like me."

Hotch paused, his pen hovering above the paper just a fraction of a second. "We're at work."

He found himself repeating this phrase to you more often than he’d like.

"I know," you said with a faux innocent shrug. "I'm just saying. You're a very convincing actor. Makes me wonder what else you're good at pretending."

He said your name, voice low enough to get your attention, without drawing the eyes of others.

"Fine, fine," you said. "I'll behave... for now."

He sighed and pressed a hand onto the paper in front of him, finally glancing up at you.

"Is there something you need, or are you just here to loiter?"

"I do not loiter," you protested. "I'm here for...." You paused, tapping your chin with a manicured finger. "What was I here for?"

"Enlighten me," he said dryly, though his mouth twitched as he talked.

"Oh! I remember!" you explained, dropping the file in your hand to his desk. "Important paperwork. It's very serious."

He glanced down at the file—empty.

You didn't seem to notice (or care) as you perched yourself on the edge of his desk, your skirt hiking up just enough to make him wish the blinds weren't open.

"So, anyway, you were saying?"

"I wasn't saying anything," he replied, picking up his pen again.

"Right, right. That's because you're so... in your head all the time," you teased, tilting your head to rest your cheek on your palm. "It's very sexy, by the way. Have I told you that recently?"

"Not at work, no."

"Well, let me fix that," you said, leaning forward like you were about to whisper some great secret. "You're very sexy, Aaron."

He blew a short breath out of his nose, hands balling into fists as he willed his blood pressure back down to a relatively normal level.

"We're at work."

There it was again. He was beginning to sound like a broken record.

"I know! That's what makes it fun."

Hotch rubbed a hand down his face. "Do you know how hard you make my job?"

"Do you know how hard you make my job?"  You countered, gesturing wildly, nearly knocking over his coffee mug. "Like, how am I supposed to focus on anything when you look like that all the time? It's honestly kind of rude."

"Honey."

"Oh, don't honey me," you said, rolling your eyes dramatically. "I'm just saying you could try and be a little less..." You trailed off, waving a hand in a vague circle around his face. "You."

"You're impossible."

"And yet," you said, sliding off the desk and leaning in close enough that your perfume wrapped around him like a second skin, "you still still keep me around."

“Don’t tempt me." Hotch straightened, his chair creaking slightly as he leaned back. "You're going to get us caught."

"Caught doing what? Talking? Oh no, Agent Hotchner is talking to his very cute, very charming assistant. The horror!"

"You're flirting," he said plainly, his dark eyes locking with yours.

"Am I?" You asked, tilting your head as if you were confused. "I think I'm just being nice. If you interpret that as flirting, that's really more of a you problem."

Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose, a sure sign that you were about to wear him down. But you could also see the faint pink creep up his neck, and that was enough to make your entire day.

"Anything else?"

"Hmm," you said, pretending to think. "Oh, yeah. One more thing."

Before he could respond, you leaned down and tapped his nose with your finger, your glossed lips shifting into a smirk.

"Boop."

He blinked up at you, utterly unimpressed. "Really?"

"Really."

Hotch shook his head. "You should get back to work."

"Fine," you said, dragging out the word as you turned to leave.

But before you opened the door, you glanced back over your shoulder, your gaze meeting his.

"You know," you said. "You're really cute when you're trying to pretend you don't want to kiss me."

Your name out of his mouth was sharper this time, though his lips twitched in a way that made you feel like you hit the jackpot.

"Okay, okay, I'm going!"

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