#i want to own again so bad. but ive pretty much made peace with the fact that will never happen. sigh

[happywitch416]

I'd like to meet the creator of mini blinds. I just wanna talk!

[solardick]

And they cut the power

Night of romance with myself. Minus all

The trash.

What i do to deserve this time?

Ive already served a life sentence how many more years do you want?

May i have the power back now. Im sivk of thinking about how lifr fucks me. Id rather think about a pretty girl and rabbits and puppies and rainbows and shit.

But apparently thats a bad thing. Being a ositivr functional citizen promote good vibes instea dof negative ones.

But its not my choice i dont get to decide. Im just here to be fucked with. Going on 40 years.

Power. I eant to go back to working as a team slaying evil. Instead.

I think they enjoy. Fucking into suicidal longing.

Me.

I just want to lay vack on the couch wirh somebody. No need to talk. Watch a movie or binge a series. And hold them close. Lay back on my lap, even, as i touch their hair. Quiet, peace, obvess of people harming me. And think about the futire.

Ive never experience a sense of tranquility ans security before. And i most likely never will.

The world is full of heroes and villains. Not much for heroes.

No their bussy brain raping me right now.

And they cut off my internet.

Ir they kulled my xbox. No proactive social behavior from you. Mr.

Maybe bot. False alatm of attack. Got it back.

How to live in a hostil world serrounded by enemies raping upur existance while playing nice?

Is there a self help book with that tittle?

Its pretty bad when your own health care system is your enemy. Like uour not paying for its services.

You just get taxed to be fucked with. Add in all the thousands of dallards give from cig tax.

The hundreds of dalloard ive given for child health care services.

Then tell that foreigner. That he has no byssiness working in a shop of get it down attitudes while be thta feminine. He should go to walmart and he’ll be able to talk about his jappenese boy band interests to all the girls that eork there.

Can i not have a place to mtself man. I do not like the people you keep

Pairing me eith.

And my rejectiin of wellfare support. Or u enplyement. Even when ive been out of eorl for months.

All that money is going to old people that dont need ears.

All those baby boomers that gave hard pluto aspects on me.

Isnt the pluto swiare pluto about killing the homoerotic bs? The fact it happens in the i fluence of ky mother. With staurn conjucnt pluto and urabus conjucet sun. After quitting her church seasions. ….. hmm

What you trying to kill my

Mother or something. Id rather you killed my father. My motjer deserves her hell. And my dather is too much the fool to even.

That fucktard did nothing but curse and swear profanities and sexual derogatorues every moment ive ever known him.

Well that phone call did clarify one thing. They are intentional giving me poor mental health.

Swearing allows me to bypass the intensity of my bluntness

After i trained that kid and helped him overcome his self sabotaging, to have the confidence to work better.

Not many people who shw any gratefulness.

With after an hour of being fucked with by GAP opperatives. Never called the pharmacy. And to force me to repeat myself literally 12 times and over. Then i made her repeat it again. Just to own it.

It be like me teying to constantly pair they all with a bunch of mormons that they had to obey or else. Suffer the mormon punishment. All smiles and sunshine now.

And everytime you get out of line ill dose you with spychotics. Oe the equalvwnt of sleep

Deprivarion. So then they can beat on you some more. Or some group of people your prejusdice too. God knows you got more than i do.

Hey lookmim talking to the fuckers flicking my power. Like a bunch of losers. Right in sync watching on their cameras.

Fuck are they fucken with me right now. With the lights and the power. Flick flick. Fucken losers man. Good for nothign wastign their time. They could be spending on something awesome bu the waste ruining my life.

Wonder what i did to deserve it this time. Ive asked myself this question for 25 years now. Going on 26. Maybe even more. Time gets blurry the farther away uou are.

Well

So much for ever growing uo i guess. Not allowedd to.

Guess they dont want me gaming anymore.

When may i fart?

Amazing that they turned a broken tootb into this while big giant debacle to stupid rapist bs.

Well you guys did wisper that she was my wife in my ear one morning. So it must be true. Perfectly safe and sound.

Just like the family relates. No one loves you go kill yourself. If you dont want to be a woman.

Ok fune they are never going to

Stop fucken with me until i go full queer. Theres no gay for me. Im just here to be manhandled and fucked.

But im going to need two boyfriends since the relationship will be based purely on sex. The. I could quit having a job and become a ful time house wife. Then i could get fucked up the ass everynight. While sucking off my boyfriend. And ill cease being anperson. And juat become a sex addict. Perma child.

Wasting my life away year after year as they maneuver to turn me into a queer. So many years already. You’ll see man. I’ll do

Some

Pretty sick twisted ahit.

I dint understand why wveryone has always hated me so much.

Well lets go

See what they’re going to

Do

To

Me next.

And theres no other explanination other then they are all wrong. But being a minority. Doesnt affect the other side.

Soend all thise years framing me into this.

Byt theyre stupid and do t get it neither do they care. So my life is forfeit anyway with out a trial.

No one has ever gotten me right. And this is no different. What they see isnt what is there.

Its permanent. So ill be a sexually active senior?

Well guess im no longer bi-

Well, thats a no. Just fucken around like everyone.

Stay quiet. Stay alive.

Look its snothrr movie about my life. Its a real terrible movie. Its like being in your bedroom.

Theres not much left of my mind anymore. All these years of abuse have eaten away at me.

Because you jnow intook my gf cat and through it a wall because i eas mad. Of course i did. Some one said. So. Even though every kittwn sent home to be taken care off, litteraly died by a “mysteriously broken neck” same with my pet rats.

If enoigh peiple gef together the can twiste and weave whatever fabrication fits whatever make beleabe story they want. My entore teality is a hod damneed lie made by other people.

God damned i want a cigarette. Made a quick noose today. Simce im being framed and taped into suicide.

It be like ripping that kids patch on his jacket in elementary school. Mother said he cant be friends with me no more. Because im dis it in purpose. What kind of kid rips their clothing when their are playing. Oh lord. I also suppose that that kid who dislocated his knee while playing dodge ball was my fault too. Coming from a guy whos rescues baby bords from fallen trees.

When you have an entire group of peoplw intentionally pissing you off passed the breaking point. They sying oh what i bad man.

Supposed i also tried burning fown the old oga in knowlton too uh. The building i was no where near that day. Like its my fault peoplw were coming jnto my appartment and putting speed

In my food.

Or messing with me on every avenue to illicit a neutotic episode and then saying go to therapy.

Or like i tentionally teying to thrn me inot a sissy faget whole telling me gay jokes. I have an attituse problem sometimes. Really. I cant i dersstnd why. Understanding is the enemy to action. Tellign that little girl to stop making gay jokes at my expense. Or i’ll do domething about it. Gave her fair warning. Ahe didnt listen, so i made an official complaint agaisnt her. She dosnt get fired or sen tfor

An investigation. Nope. But i tell i girl to stop flirting with me and its sexuel harrasment. Ok sure why not. Seem sto me i m being punisher for what othe rpeoplw

Do to me.

Still feel guilty and bad about that kitten. But i didn’t through it agaisnt a wall. I dont kill or harm animals. Liek the tabbiys you fucktard left layign around. To suffer to be eatne alive by crows.

Now excurs eme i gave to go

Get raped i to suicide for

The crime if beign born.

Oh the reason why i stair at dildos all thr tine is because i fabtasize anout sitting on them.

Just giveng a fish a bone.

Well ill be my ass isnt infoamed for the first time in over 4 months. Coukd it be they stoped dosing me with dicknin ass desease medication?

You gonna pretend to be another storm and flicke my lights sone more.

Guess the pills i didnt take are working.

Aint nonage of aquirius here. Got to make that happen.

I already know hoe this story ends. Ends with me being dead.

Why would i get a pet. Someones hust going to kill it.

But a paa re nyly im just a peice of shit. That needs anti-spychotics while being damaged and fucked with sp i dont have neutotic episodes and i cant take my beatens in silence.

A re you allergic to milk. While here have some icecream.

So whats next in the plan to belittlement and make me feel like a small piece of shit. Surrounded but all this boys wearing their bigboy pants?

Wonder what not being attcjed feels like. Or lock in a prison cell feels like. Oh well.

Know what ive never experiences before being oaired with someone who doesnt want to hurt me. Something o the bucket list before i die. But Ll i get paired are homos. Spychotivs or criminal. Or a mix of the three. And all they do is hurt me. I hate homos now. Well modt of them. All the ones you keep pairing me with. Who speak crow.

But i feel bad that the majority are all brainwashed, manipulated and encouraged to keep it flowing.

Well

Lets go back to being derrounded by wnemies. Messing with my exixtamce. Its all i know. Its all

Ive ever known.

So thos whole thing. Is on one of my tooths tgat the dentist sabotaged broke and needs to be pulled.

Are they even using the right ascendant?

What wver it is im guilty off. It must be true. Because other peiple say it is. And othe reiple are tight because. Its just me alone. What else you got ive been thrpugh worst. Im just full of shit and a liar. So. Don’t beleive me.

Theres nothing worst than being swallowed by darkness. First time i deserved it. The bext three tomes i diddn’t.

Something you guys will never understand. Cause youve never been there. And then while your serrounded by a bumch of assholes that beat on you every other day. Wanting desperatly to say something but you can’t. And year after year. You die a little more. And all those assholes continue to treat you like dog shit. And then on those moments where you did. And they tell you. They don’t care.

And then some asshole comes and says you going to suffer for the eest if your life. Because you didn’t say anything. Yup. Hell its whwre i was born. Serrounded ny assholes. Calling me an asshole. Blow me.

Too bad a quiet place 3 is too heavily queer conditioned.

Wow people sure like making lies about me.

Apparently i told that queer foreign kid to get the fuck out of the van. Corabwrated by the guy who has the gay whis speaks crow. No. I said no im not done yet get out.

If yoyr gonna hive me shit. At least make it for somethign im guilty of instead bs that isnt even true. Which is probabbly90% of the bs toyr all

Talk about my back abouy.

Listen to my x apparently i trhoigh a cat a wall caus ei was

Mad.

Meanwhileni got family members killing my pets.

Probably already being set up for the next hit.

Injust can’t help it. I like to make people smile.

Amd its either my mother or my elsest brother whis a pet killer. Drowned a brothers turtles. Snapped a kittem neck and killed my rats.

But apparently im a homophobe whis also an asshole. Go figure.

Singled out and alone in the family. Singgled out and alone in the school, singled out and alone at work. Singled out and alone in the cominity. Always a minority always being shat on. Even in my solitude. Minding my own business.

Call me a homophobe. I have it just as bad as they ever did. Always have been under attack. And i always will. Going on 40 years. Used to be a point of solidarity. But, not anymore.

Huess the greeks were wrong. Sont lift the hydra into the light. Soesnt do anything. Its caretakers will interfeer.

Unlike you. Ive never talen oleasure or joy in fucken with people.

But it was kind of funny. Being written up on a lie. Instead of what i actually did worng, again. And then justin fidgeted behind my back when i mentioned there being a while lot of people fucking with me. Based on false accusations.

They really wanted to give me a lift home. So i said sure why not krystal. Lets see what other bs you have for me. Nice touch on the bottle of pills in your purse. Not to mention the two times you laughed at me. Well sniggered. But no one cares.

And its fun being beaten i to suicide by other peoples delusions. But thats what happens when you too busy sucking off the devils cock. Like its fun to be you.

Dont forget to share your home videos of me. In the bathroom.

Wouldnt be the forst. Wont be the last.

I want to donate some blood. Get rid of some of my dead blood cells.

Hopefully i can get back to myself again. Instead being distracted by a bunch of imbeciles. Almost died 4 times in the last four years alone. Thry think its funny. What do you call someone like that. Gotta label them somehow.

My empire is still growing. Hiw doesnt know my name. My name has more power in it then all you out together. Comming at you from the inside.

You dont love me?! But, but i shaved my butt for you. And it never grew back. What am i supposed to do now?

Rogaine.

Wonder how much longer ill survive being fucked with by all these rapist. Before i die.

What? No mire church letters to teel me salvation is coming?

Cheers in never havign experienced ehat not being fucked with feels like.

There was one girl who stook up for me. In elementary while i was being yelled by thr teacher cuase she didnt like the colours i used in my mothers day card.

Oh im goig to be late for work. God forbid if a miss another day of being manipulated and raped. Dont want ot get in trouble for what everyone else dies everyday.

Mother and sister pull by. “Hi!” Turn my head. Who is this? Oh. “ hi” keep walking. I font know who you are. Spent 30 with her. Dont know a thing about her. Uou hinna smack me around some more if, i ask a questiin?

Sorry i have an army of assholes whi treat me like a wife beater. Youbhonna smack me around dome more right after being punched in thr face by a spychopath?

Im not even going to attend your funeral. Leave me alone. Ill probablt die before uou anyway.

…. “Die now, and curse in vain.”

But it looks like hey dosed me again. Jo work tomorow. Back to suicide.

Last tine ghey brought my mither and sister into rhe picture. They gave me a masdive fose tgat put me out for over a week. They fave me break after to faux storm of twitchibg my powerbof and on. I couple days off. Aftwrcs made a noose.

Eithe rthey ruened my alarm off today. Or i did in my sleep. Considering they moniter by sevit card purchases. Its not a far cry.

Since i dontbhave the base security. I cant leave or make any decision. So im stuck here. Its the security that develops in childhood through adolescense. I dibt have that. So its for ed to be through another crisis whete i get paired woth abusive asshole.

Guess its this for the res if my life until i gave someone to talk to. Who treats me like a human being and isnt apart of the rapist comunity.

I dont even gwt to have any genuine human contact.

Just people fucken with me until i tell them to go fuck themselves and get punished for it.

Wow human contact. Well i meant it in consistency. But the breif moment. Was nice. Dont knownif it was genuine. Though.

[selfawarejester]

I have another halo request if you don't mind. Really enjoyed how you wrote the last one. I hope that you have fun writing this one. Made me laugh when I thought about it.

Spartans of your choice with a short (well short compared to the Spartans) gender natural reader that is naturally very strong.

The scenario for this would be the Spartans learning about this during a sparing match. The reader grabs the Spartans and throws them over their shoulder.

As to whether the relationship between the Spartans and reader is platonic or romantic I'll let you pick.

Hey! I’m really glad you liked the last one! This seems cute too — as for romantic or platonic, I’m going to leave it up to interpretation ;)

Since Spartans are obviously war machines and would win pretty much every fight against a normal human, I’m going to assume you’re a S-IV or S-III; if you’re a Spartan-III, then you probably got pulled out of your company to be a headhunter like Noble Six.

So for the Spartans in question, I chose John, Fred, Jorge and Buck because I wrote for John and Fred already, and I wanted to try them out for a chance. (Also Nathan Fillion :D )

First up is the Master Chief himself!

John was the one who insisted that you spar together, so he could be sure you could handle anything that got thrown at you. It was mostly just to give him peace of mind, because you’re a Spartan too (no pun intended), and you’re obviously a badass in your own right.

So y’all are sparring, and you’re doing pretty well, he’s proud of you- and then you toss him over your shoulder.

He’s honestly shocked?? No offence, but that should not have been possible.

You laugh it off, and he tries not to be butthurt, but he’s really competitive, okay? He wants a rematch.

He’s on his A-game from then on, which in a way, is a huge compliment in itself so 🤷‍♀️ And he is proud that you were able to take him down even once, because there are SCORES of Covenant Cohorts that could not say the same.

Kelly is delighted to know you beat John, so there’s also that :)

Then, it’s the Lieutenant himself!

Fred is the CQC guy. He’s the best hand-to-hand combatant among Blue Team, which is saying something. Of course, you want to spar with him.

He doesn’t really want to? He has paperwork, and he’s pretty sure John’s hiding an injury, but he doesn’t want to say no to you either, so to the mats you go!

Once you get into the rhythm of it, he actually loosens up, starts having a little fun; you notice mainly because he starts teasing and taunting you. He’s not as bad as Kelly (or a younger John, from what you hear), but he’s kept up with both of them for all these years, so he do be getting on your nerves.

As you start getting more riled up, he starts letting his guard down. He’s been so bogged down by all the responsibilities that come with his rank, he’s all but forgotten how this could feel: being in the moment, nothing but you and the person you’re fighting, locked in a deadly dance- and then you flip him.

He’s shocked too, but he quickly recovers with a smile and compliments you; he tries to sound miffed, but he’s still smiling really proudly, so it doesn’t work.

He’s always known you were a great fighter and this was just proof!

You’re not winning another match though :)

(Although, all you really have to do is wait until he’s really stressed out again, which won’t take long.)

And now, Jorge!

I feel like Jorge would be the one who asked you to train. He wants to help you out, since that Elite got the jump on you and he had to step in and punch that thing in the spine.

He’s trying to help, at least, but he’s giving you so many pointers and telling you where you should hit him — it’s super overbearing and it’s pissing you off.

You throw him over your shoulder, all huffy, but he’s grinning so big.

After all, he is your #1 hype man! He’s slapping your shoulder and congratulating you, and you KNOW he’s gonna tell everyone on Noble Team what a great job you did.

It’s a little embarrassing, but you know it’s only because he cares.

And now, the one and the only, Edward Buck!

I don’t even think there’s fanfic out there for Buck, which I suppose I understand, but still.

This guy was so smug and ready at the beginning of your session. You guys were on Laconia Station, right after training. Your friends had gathered around you, and the crowd was split between their friend and the top-ranking CQC operative. Spartans are loyal, even in the face of devastating odds.

He’s running his mouth off, and he’s actually doing surprisingly well- and then you toss him over your shoulder.

He shouldn’t be surprised and he’s not; he gets up with a wince and a sheepish smile. He tried to shrug it off, but you can see his ego is bruised, so you compliment him on little things like his form and a certain move he pulled to gain the upper hand.

It’s all he needs for his confidence to be restored, grin brighter than a sun again.

He’s appreciative of how gracefully you handled the situation, and he knows better than to get goaded into a match with you again. But to his (pleasant) surprise, you offer a few private sessions to improve his skill.

He gladly takes you up on it.

[pingunaa]

YES THANK YOU!whatmakes it sligtly worse is that hes gay himself so idk why he has such a strong hatred against lesbians when he knows what its like to be made fun of for his sexuality 🤨

ong the extra bit!

SO BASICALLY. last week he suddenly started ignoring my friend group p. ok so i need names so friend 1 is going to be ship, friend 2 is nail, friend 3 is tuna. i just thought of random words btw… OH AND THE person we do NOT like is going to be uh… dorf. thats ford backwords cus why not!!

so he just ignored us the entire week and we thought oh, maybe he just dossnt want to hang out with us cus he has other friends too and he just sat with them the entire time so it was like oh cool. it was VERy peaceful without him btw like, everyone was in a good mood n stuff. and then friday night ship and tuna start messaging me like “DO NIT OPEN DORF’S MESSAGE” and it turns out he sent us all an apology for ignoring us n stuff. hold on im gonna copy and oaste it,

Hey [pinguna] can we talk i just wanted to say im like super duper duper duper sorry for ignoring you and the others and I hope i didn't make you feel bad or anything but if you and the others (im also sending them separate apology texts) are fine with it I was wondering if yk we could just be friends again ig and like hangout and stuff don't feel pressured to say yes im just apologising right now you don't have to decide anything right now

but! so ship, tuna and i were on a call and looking at the mesage together and it tirns out HE COPY AND PASTED THE MESSAGE AND GAVE US ALL THE SAME ONE EXCEPT NAIL. nail git her own custom apology 😝 and for extra backstory nail and dorf have been friends since grade 4 and the rest of us became friends with him last year!

and as we now know, he HATES ME! so when he sent the apology i was like uh… doesnt he hate me and i then sent a message like “uh dont u hate me?” and he said this “Yes I 100% mean this like i appreciate you and the others so much i know sometimes im not the best person but you all really do mean a lot” and i laugjed so much. i wanted to say that he sounded SO fake and he didn’t appreciate me that well for the past year but my friends i was calling said that was too mean so i had to say “dw but we haven’t been on best terms for a big big time now”

and then he has the AUDACITY to ask me WHAT HE DID TO MAKE ME FEEL THAT WAY.

and i sent him this short list but i can add to it if i want to

-push me to the front just to make fun of me

-ignore me and sit with people you claim to hate with your guts JUST to not sit with me

-constantly try to exclude me in everything

-constantly trying to make everyone else make fun of me

and THEN HE REPLIES TO ME WITH THIS,

“OMG i’m so so sorry like i don’t think you know how much i do actually care about you i get i don’t show it I can really try change to be nicer but i get that sometimes sorry and changing isn’t always enough I do get I’m pretty mean i really don’t wanna make it about me but i have a bit going on lately and i hate that i have made you feel that i don’t care about you and i just want you to know i didn’t sit with people i hate to not sit with you because i don’t like you or anything i just thought you were mad at me or something which i understand if you were so i just wanted to give you all some space because I felt like i was too much like there is nothing wrong with you or that you have done wrong❤️”

i fear hes done this like.the entire time ive known him so according to him, ive neen mad at him since march of 2023 😗 and then i replied back to him with “i do understand that but its been going on for more than a year, nothings changed”

AND THEN HE SAYS “I’m so sorry I have ignored this i feel terrible well thanks for telling me look if you want me to do something to try to mend it because you do mean a lot to me or you just want me to leave you alone just let me know I won’t be mad either way”

MY FRIENDS TOLD ME TO BE NICE AND TELL HIM ITS OKAY TOO!?

i fear my friends and i are probably at fault for him 5alking to us again. but we do plan to tell him straight up to not hang with us anymore on thursday :p

and then i said “its alright ig” and then he said ong thank u or smth and i left him on opened. i know kt seems kike hes trying to be nice but i swear if you knew him IRL, you would know hes just neing desperate 😔

OKAY SO THIS WAS A SUPER LONG RANT!!!!!

IM DONE WITH THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!

HOOORAY!!! HOW WAS IT???

[darkfinch]

Uh oh, just binge-read everything in the Darkest Timeline Eliot au and help i'm dyingggg!! And now I'm thinking about the long way down job and Eliot being on the team for the first time without any ulterior motive! Just being himself! And waiting for the other shoe to drop! And then Parker! Having feelings! Do we even get a "we do what they can't", a "that's what makes us us"? Like can he even compare himself to her or any of them? Can he comfort her? Who is he now that Moreau's gone?! !?!?

this is 800 words im so sorry but iVE RETRIEVED UR ASK FROM THE ETHER <3

OOF. oh MAN the long way down job...i feel like the long way down job is really like...uncertain, in this au. tentative. its a weird fragile little space. because the team puts moreau away (and doesn't lock eliot up with him, something eliot's vaguely shocked by) and then nate promises them all a break after san lorenzo...but eliot's pretty sure they're not going to ask him to come back, right

because the second the adrenaline from the job dies down, and they process what they've learned about him, they won't want to keep him. of course they won't! how could they! he stationed moreau's men outside of maggie and nana's houses like six months after meeting this team. how do you move forward and Build on that. the whole foundation's rotten.

SO the team splits up, and eliot's off trying to figure out what the hell he's going to do with himself now that there's no moreau AND there's no team, there's no Moreau's Eliot and there's no Their Eliot and what does that leave him with exactly. he bakes a lot of bread. he wears out his punching bag and moves out of his probably-moreau-funded apartment.

and then out of the blue nate just. really reluctantly calls eliot up again because they need him for this surprise mountain job? it's been less than 2 weeks they're on a tight deadline and he didn't have time to even THINK about getting a new hitter

and it's tense!! it's weird!! it's no one trusting eliot but still kind of, instinctively, trusting eliot and feeling like they Know him, and eliot (who doesnt even really know Himself at this point) is on his best behaviour and trying to figure out who he's supposed to Be now and who they Want him to be now

(maybe there's a brief moment of hesitation re: sending parker up a mountain alone with eliot. maybe they all kind of do the math at once like, nah, he'd literally cut his own arm off before hurting parker actually i think we're fine. he’s proven that much at least,,,but there's still the hesitation.)

......and then parker has Feelings. and tears up to eliot about it. parker (a person) has Feelings about whether or not she's a Good person, because she wants to do the right thing, wants to be Good like alec and sophie and nate, but it's a thing she has to actively try at. parker has Feelings about that in eliot (a knife in a person suit)'s general direction and asks if that makes her Bad.

like what do you say to that!!!

i don’t even know if he COULD compare himself to her in this moment, because like...in canon, eliot’s had a lot of years of dragging himself into being Better. he’s done the hard work. he’s taken stock of what he is and decided to draw some hard lines in the sand about what kinds of jobs he will and will not take, what kinds of orders he will and will not follow, etc. how he’ll treat people. how he’ll let people treat him.

after the san lorenzo job, he’s building on a solid foundation he’d laid before the show even started, and he Knows who and what he is, and he’s made Peace with it.

and this eliot doesn’t...have that? he’s not there yet! he has skills, but not hobbies yet, because he’s missing the pure enjoyment of them. this is an “i can cook, which makes me more useful” eliot, not a “food is life, this is my art” eliot. he’s a big ol blank space where a person should be. he’s coming off of a decade of damien moreau in his ear and not a lot of good before that, either.

SO i don’t think he can in good conscience compare himself to parker here,

1) because he’s not very far removed from the Moreau Atrocities he’s been committing yet,

2) because i think it’s only Through Working With The Team that he actually was forced to sit down and absorb & process what he’d been doing for moreau (and for the people before moreau) & decide how he felt about that. decide TO feel something about that at all, and

3) because lumping himself in with her just feels wrong, here, somehow. she's trying to be a good person and he's still trying to be a person, full stop

i think maybe he does still say (carefully, very carefully), hey, well, it was a good thing it was You. because nate and sophie and hardison are different, right? they’re softer, they act based on how things Should be instead of how they Are sometimes. and they’d die trying to get this guy out, because it’s Right, it’s Good, but it wouldn’t make things better for anyone etc.

and parker’s the one to be like. then it’s a good thing it was Us

[amoristt]

Grazing the Fire | IV

well hello. here i am, four years later, once again enamored with nathan enough to finally dust this baby off and pick up where i left it. im a little rusty so bear with me this chapter! much more to come <3

reblogs + tags and replies will make my entire day as i put a lot of effort into this :)! it also helps motivate me!

story continues beneath the read more. let me know if you can’t access it!

Warning: language, very vague s/a mentions

want to support me? heres my kofi!

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“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?” 

A few hands raise in the corners of your eye, but yours remains atop your desk. Eyes far away, mind in a murky haze and almost completely unaware. All you could focus on were the memories playing on repeat within the confines of your tired, tired brain. Hours ago, you were warm, you were comfortable. Safe.

Cheeks heated to a dusting blush when you remind yourself just how you had awoken that morning. At some point in the night, an angel had blessed you. Allowed you to wake up wrapped around none other than big, bad, Nathan Prescott. Your face nuzzled into his chest, broad but wiry hands pressed firmly over your shoulder and his arm slung over your waist to keep you against him. Thankfully you had been the first to wake up, blinking away the morning sun blazing through his blinds and painting the room stripes of gold. At that moment, before your headache came crashing down onto your skull, you were astounded by him. 

Eye lashes brushing the top of his cheeks, his lips parted ever so slightly, chest rising and falling rhythmically. In that moment, there was no anger, no bitterness. Just a soft and peaceful slumber. It was like being the sole viewer of a magnificent painting- each stroke and detail placed just there just for you to pick out, to remember the curves and sharp edges down to the very foundation. From his unkempt hair down to the way his hand flattened onto the mattress where your indent still lived. Nathan was so beautiful like this. 

For a long time you stayed there. It was as though you were afraid to move- you couldn’t bear to disturb him. You had wondered, if he was always like this, so at peace, what would he be like? Likely soft voiced, mild mannered. He’d do his school assignments without hassle and donate to the charity board. He would wander the town with his friends and listen to music in a beat up truck flying down the stretch of highway overlooking the bold, blue, and beautiful ocean. An entirely different version of himself- carefree, and a fair blue as opposed to a burning flame of red. 

But, if that were the case, you’d never have gotten here. You’d never been both the outsider, and the only seeing eye. A lucky, albeit firstly unwilling witness to the display of depth before you. 

It never hit you like it had quite in that moment how lucky you were.

But- just then- an alarm disturbed what serendipity existed. You nearly leapt out of your skin, clutched your hands to your chest at the sudden sound. A headache wove its way into your once untouched temples. Nathan groaned, mumbled, ‘god damn it’, under his breath, and thus his body was reanimated into life. He rubbed his eyes and he stretched, that familiar scowl coming over his eyes and lips as he took in the sunlight damn near blinding him. A polar opposite to the being you’d appreciated just moments earlier.

“Ugh, fuck, how the fuck is it seven already.” He groaned. “I feel like shit.”

“Well good morning to you too,” You started, welcoming Nathan into the world. “‘I’m feeling pretty shitty as well.” 

You said that, but really… You were more than alright. Your head had hurt, slight nausea crept into the wells of your stomach, but other than that you’re sure you were phenomenally better than you’d have been waking up whereverTate would have left your ass.

“You need to get outta here, before everyone gets up.” Nathan drawled, but he didn’t sound as urgent as you expected him to be. You’d expected him to be angry that you were still in his room, but instead he just… accepted it. 

You snickered, climbing out of his throne of a bed. “Wow, you’re giving me the morning after treatment?” 

“Sure am. Get outta here, whore.”

“Oh fuck you.” 

You located your heels from last night, resting upright near his dorm room door. Heels didn’t sound like the most  practical to sneak out of a dorm with, so you instead opted to grappling them by the straps and carrying them at your side. Hair a mess, outfit riddled with wrinkles and makeup smudged under your eyes, you stood before Nathan in all your glory. He stared at you for a long, odd moment- and you for some reason felt exposed, or even, shy. 

“What?” You ask expectantly, placing a hand on your hip. 

His eyes trail to your line of vision. He shakes his head. “Just thinking about how now you really do look like my morning after.”

“Yeah?” You hummed. “Find it hard to believe you get a lot of those.”

Nathan shoots you a suggestive glance. “You’d be surprised. Everyone wants a piece of Prescott.”

Surely, he was joking, or maybe he wasn’t, but you… Didn’t like hearing that. It made your stomach feel odd, uncomfortably heavy.  As he stood up, reminding you how many inches he had over your size, you swallowed and cleared your throat to flush out that crappy feeling. “Well,” you started, mood having dropped. “I’m gonna go, then.” 

“What got your panties in a twist all the sudden?” He asked, raising a brow and pulling some clothes from his closet, tossing them onto the bed.

The bed you two had shared.

You hated the idea of his morning afters- whoever they may be. 

“Not feeling great. Probably a side effect of the roofies.” You mumbled.

Nathan breathed a laugh. “Probably.”

He seemed so calm, right now. Perhaps due to it being so early, before the outside world had a chance to remind him just why he was so uptight all the tight. Before he needed to be so uptight all the time. He really did have so many versions of himself- all of whom you were slowly becoming familiar with. Compared to the person you’d believed him to be before your run ins, you’d never have assumed someone so dangerous could be so soft as last night, as this morning. In the beginning, you’d feared him. Avoided him like a plague, or a wild animal. Even when you were enraptured in the existence of him, you still wanted to keep away. You’d never have believed someone like you could wake up clutched to his chest, as though he were afraid if he released you, you’d be gone long before he woke. 

Then, a sudden thought struck your mind. 

He’d held you so tight. He’d welcomed you in the morning. No anger, no annoyance. His soft laugh at your banter and taunts. How your heels were standing upright instead of tossed haphazardly into some random corner, where he’d watch your struggle to find. 

How he’d stayed awake to ensure your sleep.

“So are you just gonna stand there?” Nathan called you back to reality, hands gripping the hems of his shirt. “I gotta get ready and you need to wash up so you don’t look like a five dollar stripper.” Cruel words, but with absolutely no bite. You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah. But, hey,” You started. “Thank you for last night.” 

“Yeah, yeah. You gotta start learning to watch your own back.” He says. “There’s gonna be times I won’t be there to drag your ass out of the fire.”

If you’d been charged, if you’d been stricken with a strange defensiveness, you’d have retorted, ‘than stop helping me’, but… Instead you allowed yourself the comfort of protection. You allowed Nathan Prescott to watch you.  

“I know,” You reached for the door. “Thank you.”

With that, you bounded out of the dorm silent as a mouse. 

-----------

In hindsight, you should have left earlier. Class was merely 15 minutes away when you slipped out of Nathan's room and bounded towards the women's dorm. Albeit not exactly a long walk, by the time you discreetly snuck back into your own dorm, you had roughly twenty minutes to somehow pick an outfit from your countless unopened boxes and make yourself even slightly presentable. 

Wiping off whatever make-up you could get and reapplying it, brushing out the tangles of your hair and nearly tearing off your scalp in the process, scattering your nightclothes over your floor and managing to scrounge out a semi-decent outfit for the day… You still looked a mess. If the mirror could laugh, it would have. Black mascara smudges under your eyes and frizzy untreated hair. What a lovely look. 

You’d made it to class just five minutes late, but those five minutes were all it took for all eyes to be on you as you tried to slide into the classroom unnoticed. A couple classmates whispered to their table mates as you passed by, smelling of oversaturated cherry blossom perfume to hopefully cover the scent of alcohol. You sauntered to your seat and sank down with all your weight, suddenly exhausted. You’d made it with just five minutes tainting your record of attendance. The teacher greeted you with a disappointed sigh, and thus, the day began. 

But, it was so hard to focus. All you could think about was Nathan. 

“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?” 

You lowered your head. 

“Ah, how about, ___?”

You snaked back into reality, blinking up at the chalk board that was somehow already riddled with math equations. Since you hadn’t been paying attention even in the slightest, your mouth gaped wide open, eyes scanning for something you understood even slightly so you didn’t look like a total idiot. 

Sadly, you were out of luck. The teacher shook his head. “I’m shocked,” He said. “You're normally so on top of things. Oh well.”

“Oh, I’m sure she was on top of things,” A female voice sniggered behind you “Last night.”

Your face flushed a red, hot, ruby. What the hell was she talking about? How had they found out you were with Nathan? You were so sure of being sneaky, there was no way-

“Her and Tate totally got it on last night.”

You whipped around in your seat, facing girls who looked to be clones of some sort. Both with the same dark eyes, short brown hair, and freckles. “What?”

“Alright-” Your teacher blurted. “That's enough. April, May, enough. Let’s not discuss things outside of the classroom.”

The two girls batted their eyes. “Sorry sir.” One spoke, twirling a hand through her hair. Her sister's wide toothy grin never fumbled. 

“Back to it then. Kate, can you help out __ with number four?” 

The small, blonde girl nodded quickly, brushing a lock of hair behind her eyes and offering an empathic nod. 

As you turned around in your seat, her answer fell on deaf ears. Your heart was racing in your chest, hands balled into fists while you stared ahead blankly.  

They couldn’t seriously think that you chose to leave with Tate, could they? Surely someone must have seen the state you were in. Someone other than Nathan.

The clock ticks forward but time feels like it's passing almost unnaturally slow. With just 10 minutes left, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket.

‘Nathan: consider ur favor officially returned 

Your tongue poked from your lips, the tiniest of smiles taking over your once sullen features. Terrible thoughts and worries flew out the window while you type back, ‘damn. here i was gonna to ask you to do a backflip off the roof with me. there goes my plans.’

Nathan types for a moment. Typing, stopping, typing again. 

‘Nathan: soundz like a blast. where and when?’

A small blush heats your cheeks. ‘very funny. thanks to last night i have an entire 24 hour session of studying to catch up with.’

His response is almost instant. ‘Nathan: boringgg. txt me when ur fun.’

Rolling your eyes, you shove your phone back into your pocket. It seems you’ve been able to secure enough of a friendship with him for some mindless banter even outside your little visits. You smile. He’s… Fun to talk to. Surprisingly. 

Class comes to an end and you start to pack up the books and papers you’d hardly even glanced at the whole period. Whatever had been upsetting you before is lost in your mind while you think of the morning, the night before. All the things in-between. But, your happiness doesn’t last long. As you get up, you’re almost forced right back into your seat as a weight shoves into your shoulder. Your books scatter to the floor. April, the one who’d remarked about you earlier, glares at you in what looks to be disgust. 

“Careful April,” Her sister hums as she saunters past you, keeping distance and raising her already shrill tone of voice. “Might wanna watch where you’re walking- I’d hate for you to catch something from this slut.”

You absolutely gawk at her. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

April scoffs. “Oh come on, like everyone doesn’t know what you were up to last night.”

“Sleeping around isn’t a good color on you.” May hikes her bag over her shoulder and snickers at you. They both leave the class together, sickeningly in sync. You’re left stunned where you stand, unsure how the hell your life came to this so quickly. How you’ve stooped so low that the daughters of the world's most uncreative parents are able to bully you based on something that didn’t even happen.

Next class goes no better. The person to your right, a jockey looking brunette guy, asks, ‘have you ever heard of a Tate?’. You say no, that that’s the dumbest name you’ve ever heard. The idiot grins and goes back to marking down likely wrong answers on his test sheet and you debate kicking the leg of his chair out- but you don’t to avoid even more eyes on you. It makes you sick to your stomach- even more than recovering from the roofies does. How can everyone believe it? You barely even knew the guy and you were clearly uncomfortable with his advances. No one saw that? 

After everything you’d worked for to build a reputation, trying so hard to not call out peoples shit for the sake of seeming friendly, tainted over something that didn’t even happen? And the kicker was that it hadn’t even been your fault! He’d drugged you, he’d have taken advantage of you! Yet you were the bad person? 

Class came and went in the blink of an eye this time. Your mind wrapped up in the situation, your stomach churning. You wanted the day to be over with but you still had 4 more classes to suffer through. Why was this happening to you? Was Tate being treated just as horribly, or was he getting pats on the backs of his unaware friends?

Wandering down the halls to your locker, you noticed Lance and Kaz hanging around one of the drinking fountains. Your nerves quelled- your friends would surely make you feel much better. Especially since they had witnessed how awful you were feeling as you left. You approach with a relieved smile, ready to say your truth and finally have someone on your side.

“Hey guys.” You smile, but Lance looks down at his feet while Kaz places her hands to his hips. Your smile fades.

“You could have told us you were gonna spend the night with Tate,” Kaz snaps. “You didn’t need to lie like that just to leave. We were all worried about you and it was for nothing.”

“What?” You feel like you could cry. “No, Kaz, I really did try to leave. Tate tried to drug me and take me home, and-”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Lance interrupts, with a frown. He looks back down at the floor with knitted brows. “I’ve known Tate since before time. He wouldn't do something like that, especially not to one of my best friends. Plus he told me he was really into you. Why would he even try?”

“Are you serious?” You sputter. “You think I’d lie about something like that?”

“You’ve been lying about all sorts of things!” Kaz huffs. “What’s going on with you lately? You’ve been so distant, and secretive. What are you hiding that’s making you lie like this? We’re supposed to be your friends and then you lie to our faces just to go and fuck the first guy that shows you attention.”

“What…?” It was like acid. It was like the rug had been pulled from your feet sending you spiraling down the unending cliff. Kaz, your best friend, all that venom. How could they turn against you like this? What the hell is going on? You felt your throat tighten. “Look, I’m sorry if I’ve been distant, but I’m not lying to you, I-”

“We gotta go.” Lance isn’t in the mood to hear it. “We’ll catch up to you.. Some other time.”

Kaz says nothing as she pushes past you. Lance, at least, spares a short glance over his shoulder. You stood there alone in the hallway, your bag falling off your shoulder and clattering onto the floor with a thud echoing off the walls. Everything you had, all gone at once. 

No one believed you.

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With nowhere to go where you felt like you could truly allow yourself to process the day's events, you went to the only place you knew. 

Just outside of campus, where rocks lined the edge of the boundary, overlooking the outskirts of the town and the ocean stretching as far as the eye could see. You settled yourself there, staring at the vast waters and wondering how this had all happened. Unlucky didn’t even begin to cover how it felt. Not only did you feel violated with Tate attempting to do unthinkable things with your unconscious body, but you also felt alone, and walked on. Your best friends hadn’t believed you. While Lance seemed saddened, Kaz was so… Angry. Her words cut like knives into your skin. 

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. You didn’t deserve this.

You want to talk to Nathan, but knowing him, he’d see your state and bounce instantly. After all, this isn’t exactly very fun of you.

As the sun began to fall, splaying orange and blues over the wide open sky, behind you, you could hear voices. A group of them, some male, some female. Memories of when your notebook had gotten snatched by those two horsed face assholes came flooding back and with all your alertness, you stood up, and decided that this sitting place was no longer safe. Nothing was.

Before you even made it ten feet away, the group had found their way to your spot and gotten comfortable, one of the girls cheering, ‘this’ll be our hangout! look at how pretty the view is!’

You took a short drive down the stretches of road and decided that if you were going to lament in your own sadness, you were at least going to do so in a place that had something to cover the sound of your tears. Plus a nice view.

The beach, littered with its picnic tables and the sounds of crashing waves would suffice just fine. So, you pulled in the desolate parking lot and wandered down the sandy shores until you stumbled upon a picnic table shaded by a large willow cascading lushious branches to block out the sun- a perfect canopy for you to wallow under. 

You had nothing at that moment. No friends, no reputation, no one to believe your tragic tale. And now, you’d just lost the one spot that made you feel comfortable when stress was building into your body like concrete. Tears pricked into the corners of your eyes and you bit your lip, dreading that feeling of a lump in your throat. Why you? Everything had been going so well. How could not even a single person believe that Tate had tried to hurt you?

Well, actually, there was one person.

Of course Nathan believed you. He’d been the one to rescue you, after all. Time and time again it seemed.  How was it that even the ones closest to you would turn their back so fast, yet Nathan seemed to be there even when you didn’t want him to be? Even when you yelled at him, and he yelled right back, fire and sparks falling into embers around the two of you. 

In that moment, you almost felt like you could finally relate to him. A reputation based on lies and things out of your control, paired with a hardheaded attitude to try and combat all the assumptions. 

No wonder he was so angry. 

“Hey bitch,” A voice suddenly called, and you had a split second moment where you were terrified of once again being the victim of a cruel prank or some classmates boredom. “How about next time you have a pity party you don’t fucking call me in the middle of it.”

You blinked away your tears and through the blurriness saw a figure coming towards you. All that sass, the tone...

“Nathan?” You breathed. It only takes moments before he’s in front of you, holding his phone in view, seeing that the call that had been running for nearly ten minute. You flush in embarrassment, pulling your phone from your back pocket. “How did that happen?”

“Well, can your ass dial numbers?” He taunts, ending the call. 

“Damn it, dumb phone must have butt-dialed you. I knew I should’ve gotten a different one.” You mentally kick yourself. “It must have unlocked in my pocket.”

“You don’t have a password on your phone?” He taunts. When you shake your head, he whistles. “You are just begging for a robbery. I’ll keep that in mind when I’m in the mood to send random messages to all your buddies.” 

“Fuck off.” You scowl, and he grins, hopping up on the picnic table next to you. The sun flatters his skin. He’s almost glowing. 

“Speaking of buddies, how the hell did it pick my number out of your sea of friends?”

You shrug. “Probably cuz’ it’s a priority contact.��� 

“Oh lala, I’ve been upgraded to priority huh? Does it display a superman logo whenever you give it a ring?”

“Nope. When I press call it rings the nearest asshole in my vicinity. The fact that it’s you is your own problem.”

“Haha, fucking ha.” He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. He stares out at the water, watching waves pull and crash onto the beach. It’s almost beautiful, until he ruins it. “Yknow, you’re a really ugly crier.”

“Wow, thanks.” You shake your head. “That's exactly what I needed to hear right now. Why did you even stay on the line?.” Wiping your eyes, you start to forget your tears. “Couldn’t have been that wild of a conversation.”

Nathan shrugs. “Between the crying and the sound of the waves it was pretty nice.” He grins. “Very educational.” 

“Awesome. Glad I was able to make your day.” It doesn’t feel like your usual bitey remarks. You’re tired, you’re still a little hurt and you can’t stop thinking about how such an amazing morning had turned into such a horrible day.

“So what’s got you all fucked up? Never seen you act like this big of a baby before.”

“Nothing. You already paid off your debt to me per this morning, so feel free to resume our regularly scheduled mutual hatred.” You say, lying through your teeth. You know you’re both past the point of hatred, but you’re feeling jaded, you can’t help it. 

“Oh shut the fuck up,” He groans. “I didn’t drag my ass all the fucking way out to this shit hole of a beach just for you to give me that bullshit. What, did you fail a test? No one matched you on tinder?”

“Everyone thinks me and Tate slept together last night.” You blurt. “I think he’s telling people me and him had sex.”

Nathan tenses his shoulders and grimaces. “Fucking werido.”

“I told my best friends that he tried to take advantage of me and they don’t believe me. One of em’ even said he wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Fuck em’. Who needs best friends.”

“And to make everything so much better, these two bitches that I share four of my classes with harassed me all goddamn day. I mean, fucks sake, how the hell are girls named April and May of all things able to get to me. It’s bullshit. And to make matters worse, Tate is just… Getting away with it.”

“Yeah well, something tells me that Tate’s gonna get a real nice fucking taste of medicine eventually. I just gotta find him first. He’s got a lot of nerve spreading shit around given I knocked his ass onto the pavement.” Nathan brows knit at the memory.

You test the waters. “Why would you do that for me?”

He seems caught off guard, or maybe, surprised that you’d ask. Maybe he thinks you’re both beyond that point. He grumbles, “Why does it matter.”

“I’m just curious. We don’t owe each other anything, remember?”

“Yeah, well,” He huffs. “Don’t ask me questions to shit I don’t know the answer to.”

“You say that an awful lot.” You tease.

“Yeah well you ask dumbass questions an awful lot. Not everything I do has to have some weird ass motives behind it, ___. Maybe I’ve got beef with Tate that’s outside of you.”

“Uhuh. Sure.” You’re about to say something else, when your phone lights up with a text. The display makes your heart fall all over again. 

Unknown Number: you should just pack up and go somewhere else. no one wants std’s from breathing your air xoxo

You don’t even know who that is. Now absolute strangers are on your case. You want to throw your phone into the ocean and leave.

Nathan scoffs. “Don’t even bat a fucking eye for that bitch, whoever the hell they are. Half the hoes you’ve mentioned have slept with half the football team,” he pinches his jacket, “and I would know.”

“Ew, Nathan,” You grimace, that same feeling from the morning returning. It feels, oddly, like jealousy.  He nudges your arm with his elbow and grins playfully. It’s cute.

“Chill, I’m just fucking with you. You gotta know even I wouldn’t fuck girls that desperate. I’m a man of class.”

That last comment actually forces a laugh from you. It’s soft, but it’s real. The first laugh you’ve genuinely had all day. “That’s horrible.” You remark, giggling again.

It's almost like the slight restoration of your mood puts him at ease as well. He leans back on his hands and stares off into the ocean, those sparkling waters under the setting, orange sun. “I’m for real though. Those hoes aren’t worth your time. One day when we blow this shithole of a town they’re not even gonna matter.”

Your brows knit, eyes blinking up at him. Had you heard that right? 

“We?” You ask, perplexed, albeit a little… Hopeful.

Nathan sputters. “Well- Like, when everyone’s older and-”

“You know what, it's fine.” You interrupt. “Fuck it. You’re right. We’re gonna blow this town and they’re just gonna be some shitty memories.”

He sucks in a shaky breath. You’ve never heard him scramble like that, like he’s been unmasked. The look he casts you when you agree, when you don’t tease or patronize and finally hop on the idea that yeah, what if the two of you really didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

What if the two of you could just exist, without the anger. 

You look up at him. “Would you actually do that though?” You start. “With me, of all people?”

He swallows. His expression is tense, but he’s not upset. He appears nervous, caught off guard. Nathan tries, “I-”

Your phone rings. Shrill, piercing. Mood destroying. 

“Jesus Christ, it’s my mom.” You grab your phone and Nathan looks forward, stone faced and silent as you hop off the table and answer. It’s your mother, who all but shouts into the phone that her and your father are taking a surprising visit to Arcadia Bay while they’re traveling by on their vacation. She insists that you be ready in about an hour for dinner, and likely there will be family photos. 

Which means if you still look as wrecked as you did this morning, you’re gonna have a lot of washing up to do. With a quick goodbye, a short and sweet, ‘love you’, you hang up and sigh. 

“You still tell your mom you love her?” He teases. “What are you, five?”

You frown. “You don’t tell your parents you love them?”

Nathan side eyes you, and just shrugs. It is all the answer you need, really, and for his sake you decide it wouldn’t be best to press the issue. Not now. But- it still makes your heart hurt just a little. You wished that he’d had it better growing up. 

“Right… Do you want a ride home?”

“Fuck no, what am I,” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “a fucking girl scout?” 

“I was just offering, weirdo.” When he doesn't get up, you feel like you’re missing out. Like if you stayed, maybe, just maybe, you’d get to know him a little better. “Hey, if you want, I can stay for a bit longer.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re needed elsewhere. But,” he shrugs. “I don’t know. Fuckin’... Text me or something. Or not, I don’t care either way.”

There’s a small warmth in your chest that rises to your cheeks. He wants you to text him. “Yeah,” You say. “If I’m feeling fun.”

And with that, you bid him farewell, beginning your descent to the parking lot. 

“Hey,” He calls, and you turn just in time to catch a small item he’s tossed right at you. A tiny key resides in the palm of your hand. “Spare. If shit hits the fan again-...” He shrugs, and actually looks away. “Just don’t be too fucking loud of I’ll kick your ass out myself. No Madison needed.”

The widest grin plays over your lips. “I’m gonna re-decorate your room while you’re gone.”

“Ah, you fucking better not.” He shouts. “Actually- you know what, give it back.” 

“No, no! I’m sorry.” You play with the key between your fingers. “Thanks for this.”

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t lose it and remember- emergencies only. I don’t need you watching me sleep like fucking freak. We’re past that stage.” 

“How many times will I have to say I was never watching you. Christ… But, alright. See ya, then.” The key is heavy in your palm. 

You place it into your pocket and give him one last glance before you take off, leaving him to enjoy the sound of waves, birds, and the absence of your tears.

[thefanficmonster]

The Five Scares (and one revenge)

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing 

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having a tendency to scare people, Corpse has gotten used to his friends being jumpy whenever he appears from the void into a Discord call with them. However, the one who has it the roughest with the spooks has to be his partner Y/N. Basically: The five times Corpse scared Y/N and the one time they scared him

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your lovely request it was a real joy to write and I had a ton of fun doing so! Hope you have equally as wonderful of a time if you happen to come across it and give it a read despite the long wait you’ve had to endure which I apologize for. Love, Vy ❤

I

Having had to go home for the night to keep an eye on their roommate’s dog, Y/N and Corpse agreed to have a video call before they fell asleep. They didn’t want to appear like that typical clingy and cheesy couple but after spending almost a whole week curled up in Corpse’s apartment, the two would feel each other’s absence to a very saddening degree to the point where they’d even forget the other isn’t around and would call out to them. 

Letting the call ring, Y/N’s hand comes up to smooth out their hair. However, the touch reveals to them that their hair needs a bit more than a simple tap or a pat to be tamed so while they wait for Corpse to answer the call, they quickly head to their bathroom. Flicking the light on, their reflection greets them with the underwhelming news of the actual state of their hair at the moment: an absolute mess. They proceed to do their best with the single hair-tie they have handy. A bobby pin or two would be neat but they have no time to go and grab one right now, seeing as how they can’t recall if they even brought them back from Corpse’s apartment. If they didn’t, they would have to search their roommate’s room for some which would take an even longer amount of time.

Eventually, they manage to tame it in something closely resembling a presentable ponytail and exit the bathroom feeling more exhausted than before. With a loud sigh, they crash onto their bed, face-first into the sea of pillows, groaning at the slight sting of their muscles relaxing at last.

“Y/N?“ The decently loud mention of their name by a deep, familiar yet sudden and unexpected voice startles them to the point of squealing and jumping an entire inch away from where they were positioned.

They look around their room in a frenzy, wondering where on Earth that voice came from and how it could be here with them right now.

“Y/N, you there?”, before they could locate it, it emerges once again, helping Y/N get an ide of where it’s coming from - somewhere in the messed up bed sheets.

“Corpse?“ They finally find their voice, “Y-yeah I’m here. Question is: how are you...“ and then it all clicks, causing them to twist their face in an expression of utter disappointment and bury it in the palms of their hands, groaning.

“You forgot about the video chat, didn’t you?“ Corpse asks, amusement not even attempted to be hidden in his voice.

“Yup.“

II

It’s been one hell of a day. Y/N’s college lectures exhausted them to a max and their six hour job following their classes did nothing to help them AT ALL. Quite the opposite actually. Makes sense why they look, move and talk the way they’re doing right now: like a ghost, zombie and an elder combined in one. To add to their misfortunes for the day, they were met with the mocking ‘OUT OF ORDER’ sign taped to the doors of the elevator, laughing in their face with the information that their hellish experience for the day is far from over.

Just the thought of having to climb to the fifth floor made their stomach turn in the most unpleasant way possible, but the though of how long that would take made matters even worse. Arriving at their designated apartment, they have every right to be pissed, cussing their heart out. 

However, then comes a new problem: the inability to pinpoint the correct key. They proceed to curse themselves, the keys, the door handle and the door itself before punching the poor wood that did no wrong and just stands here, serving its purpose of keeping unwanted people out of the apartment it’s guarding.

Following their anger outburst and front-door-abuse, they proceed to try finding the correct key once again, this time slightly more calmly as to not accidentally miss it in their frantic rifling.

Right as they’re about to try the third key, however, the door opens. Well, it’s opened by someone on the other side, that someone being none other than their boyfriend Corpse who’s currently staring at them wide-eyed, one eyebrow raised, the word ‘confused’ basically written across his face.

While he’s processing the sight in front of him, Y/N lets out a little scream, jumping back and away from the door, a hand placed over their chest as their wide eyes scan their boyfriend who now seems equally terrified as a result of their reaction.

“Corpse?!“ They manage to gasp, barely hearing their own voice over the loud thumping of their heart and the rush of blood in their ears, “What the hell are you doing here?!“

The confusion on Corpse’s face deepens, reaching whole new levels as his eyes gaze deeper into theirs, searching for the meaning behind their bizarre question. “You mean...at my own apartment? What am I doing, at home?“

For a few seconds, the two just stare blankly at one another, processing everything that’s just happened. Suddenly, it all just kinda caves for Y/N and they burst out laughing, doubling over, their arms clutching at their stomach as they do so. Their laughter is contagious, so Corpse can’t help but let out a few chuckles himself.

“Alright, you’ve been driven to insanity, I can tell.“ He mumbles at his reckless partner, coming up behind them and wraps his arms around them, lifting them up and carrying their laughing ass inside.

III

Finally deciding to sit down and get this damn project started, Y/N already feels like they’ve had enough of it, burnout already creeping in and threatening to ruin their work and trip them up every step of the way. It wouldn’t have been so bad had the subject not been one they absolutely despise and wish they could get out of studying but alas they’re stuck with it.

They equip their headphones as soon as they plant their butt on the desk chair in their tiny room in their tiny roommate-shared apartment, putting their Spotify playlist on shuffle as they open a blank Power Point document. They work better with music blasting in their ears since the silence tends to be too loud and distracting when they’re trying to focus. So, that way they can also sing their heart out in peace and not get disturbed by the sound of their own off-key singing. Win-win, basically.

Singing ‘Never Forget You’ by Zara Larsson and MNEK, they get a little carried away, ditching the project to enter a full-blown music video they can imagine down to the detail in their mind.

However, there’s a surprise awaiting them.

As soon as MNEK’s part of the song begins, another voice apart from his echoes through their headphones, singing along to the song. Freaking the fuck out, they let out a loud scream, smacking the headset off them, sending the object falling and landing on their laptop keyboard with a crash that only serves to further startle their roommate’s dog which comes to check if they are being attacked or something only to be disappointed by the lack of action.

When pushing the headphones off, they did so with a force strong enough to snap the cable out of the laptop entirely so now the room is filled with the sound of that same foreign voice laughing his ass off.

A voice that belongs to no other than Corpse Husband himself.

“You gotta learn to disconnect from Discord calls, Y/N.“ The fucker says, still cackling wholeheartedly at his partner’s misery.

Pissed off or not, Y/N would have to admit he’s got a point. But they’d also rather never speak again than admit it so...

“Fuck you!“ is what they say instead, seconds before disconnecting.

IV

Making breakfast is not something either Corpse or Y/N are used to, mostly cause they both either wake up late or skip the meal entirely. Regardless, having been given a day off from work and having no classes since it’s Saturday, Y/N saw no better way to start their day off than to prepare a nice breakfast for them and their boyfriend to enjoy. Problem is: they aren’t the most skilled in the kitchen. Sure they can scramble an egg or make mac and cheese, but in order to do it correctly they are not allowed to have distractions of any kind. Not even music, that’s how you know it’s serious.

Seeing as how Corpse has never seen them cook, he’s obviously unaware of theirs. The dummy straight up waltzes into the kitchen, unintentionally remaining unspotted and unheard by Y/N because he’s barefoot and because they have their back turned to him.

“Whatya cooking over there babe?“

Y/N’s focus bubble, being as thin as it is and considering they initially thought Corpse was still asleep, they have every right to let out the yelp they just did, dropping the egg they were gonna crack over the pan in said pan in its entirety - yes, shell and all.

A moment of silence commences: regretful on Corpse’s end and frustrated on theirs. Neither of them dares to say anything to avoid triggering the other. Well, that’s the case until Y/N decides enough’s enough and they turn to look at him, a wide, obviously fake smile plastered onto their face.

“Scrambled eggs, following a secret recipe, property of the L/N family.“

Seems like your pre-breakfast snack is an extra large dose of sarcasm, huh?

V

“So, how was your day? You sound pretty chipper so I take it wasn’t a nightmare like a few days ago.“ Corpse comments over the phone, listening to shuffling and shifting as Y/N moves around the apartment, getting ready to head out.

“It was great actually. Got some important results back and, not to brag or anything, but they were higher than I expected.“ They reply, a genuine wide grin refusing to leave their face as they silently count the amount of money they’ve got in their wallet. “I’m gonna go buy a cake so we can celebrate it. It’s no small deal, trust me, especially not when I initially thought I’d fail both these exams to the point of being pitied.“

“Wait...-“ Corpse attempts, his voice suddenly sounding strained and urgent but that’s the very reason he cannot seem to find or get the right words out of his system. Not that Y/N gives him any time to figure it out.

“No Corpse, you cannot change my mind. Cake and beers, we’re celebrating toni- SHIT!“ They scream as they throw open the front door, bumping square into someone standing on the other side, almost dropping their phone.

Taken aback by embarrassment and fear, they leap back, their eyes searching for the ones of the person whose personal space they just invaded. Well, to be fair, he was the one invading their personal space by standing right outside the door to their - well, to Corpse’s apartment.

The fear and irritation die down almost instantly when Y/N recognizes the person standing opposite them.

“Mind telling me why we’re talking on the phone when you could’ve come in and we could’ve had a normal person conversation?!“ They snap, ironically enough - they’re still holding the phone to their ear.

So is Corpse whos is smiling guiltily, “That’s why I called, I forgot my keys, but I got...carried...sorry.”

Well, at least this serves as proof Y/N’s not the only forgetful one.

                                                            ~  ~  ~

Corpse has been stuck in his recording room for four hours now, never stopping his stream to take care of his basic human needs such as eating or going to the bathroom. This behavior of his has Y/N worried sick and unable to focus on the task at hand - an assignment they’ve been trying to finish for two hours now, sitting with their computer on their lap and looking hopelessly at the blank Word document waiting for them to fill it up while they are waiting for it to start writing itself.

Seeing as how neither are gonna happen, not until Y/N puts their mind at ease, they slowly put the laptop aside, standing up to carefully skip on over to Corpse’s recording room to check on him, stopping by the kitchen to grab him a snack and a bottle of water along the way.

The door to the darkened room is open a crack, as usual, suggesting they can enter without knocking - this also means he’ll probably not hear them even if they knock so the whole gesture would be pointless. Not that Y/N has a tendency to knock or anything... Waltzing in, they find that the only light in the room is the very faint and dark glow of the computer screen which is displaying a dark and dingy room from a first-person view of the protagonist of whatever game Corpse’s currently playing.

“Corpse?!“ They whisper-yell/hiss at him, trying their best to grasp his attention without startling him - they don’t need to be told that the game is of the horror genre and the last thing they need is for their boyfriend to flip backwards and fall out of his chair because they scared the shit out of him. “Hey?!“

Neither attempts prove futile so, despite their best instincts telling them differently, they walk over to him and tap him on the shoulder. The reaction, while within the realm of expectancy, is a lot more startled than they expected, accompanied by a scream on top of all. They’d never heard him scream in fear before, it’s quite amusing if they’re being honest.

They suppress a snicker as Corpse’s wide open eyes meet their squinting ones in the darkness, “Y/N...babe...what is it? Is everything ok?”

Y/N rolls their eyes, “No, everything isn’t ok. Your unhealthy habit of forgetting to take care of yourself, for example.” They put the snack and the bottle on the his desk, giving him their best disappointed-parent look before turning on their heel to strut their way out of the room. However, just as they are about to make their exit, they stop right at the doorframe, giving their stunned one final glance over their shoulder with a smug smirk playing across their face, “Oh and by the way, that’s what I like to call revenge.” Just like that, they leave, pushing the door back into its previous position.

And boy, is it some sweet, sweet revenge.

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[vomitlyart]

Reading you based on your obey me Kin

i will be ruthless and im not holdin back!! ok now say it with me😈

Lucifer

I kin Lucifer and I have a hard time reaching out to my friends for help even when i know i need it. I don't want people to get worried about me so i mask my issues and help everyone with thier issues, completely disregarding my own needs for a break. in the end i feel alone because regardless of saying im ok, i want someone to truly sit with me and ask me if im ok, but i fear that moment because im not used to dealing with my own issues

Mammon

I kin Mammon and i just want to feel seen and loved. sometimes i do stupid/dumb things to get the seratonin that comes from making people laugh. i feel like no one ever listens to me and it makes me feel insignificant and like the last one to get picked. i truly want to be myself and fear that if im not the odds one out by doing little dumb things people will think im essentially worthless and most likely think im borning. I have a hard time talking about my feelings and want to so desperately, that if i do i won't know what to say or where to start due to the many emotions i've bottled up throughout my life

Levi

I kin Leviathan and i have very bad anxiety. i have a difficult time making friends and part of that reason is bc im scared they already hate me or want nothing to do with me. I know my interests are different from what is considered the norm but i so desperately want to talk and ramble about said interest for hours to someone who will at the very least listen. I get bashed about the things i like by my family and although i dont show it, this hurts me deeply. I lock myself in my room and indulge myself in my favorite things bc each character makes me wish i had certain aspects of them and makes me wish i lived an interesting life but bc of my anxiety it's extremely hard for me to do so. Im also used to being the last one picked and often assume i will always be the last one picked no matter how many times im reassured and deep down i want someone to relish in my own interests with me and truly love and care for me

Satan

I kin Satan and i have a horrible realtionship with my father. I Loathe my father and the tension arises every time we a near one another. A part of me feels terrible that i loathe my father because i know he has his own mind and emotions and i want to forgive him for what he's done but in the end I know it's fruitless to forgive him bc he has put me through alot of pain and hurt. i wish things couldve been different and we couldve had a normal bond. I also hide my emotions very well and am ashamed of ever feeling angry bc it makes me feel like i am horrible person. im also not used to affection and have only ever seeked or felt genuine affection from my pets. I also fear as if i have no personality and that im boring.

Asmodeus

I kin Asmo and i feel like i need to act confident around others in order for them to like me because im too scared to show people my insecurities because i fear they will never view me the same again and leave me in disgust. I want everyone to like me and I also can't handle when someone doesn't want to be my friend or doesn't like me bc i feel if there's something wrong with me. the need to act confident and cute all the time makes me oblivious to the fact that my insecurities shine through at times and make me even more oblivious to the fact people like me for who i am, insecurities and all

Beelzebub

I kin Beel and i have some form of sepreation anxiety towards my favorite person. i often get a sudden fear that something bad will happen to my fav person even though everything is ok. I get made fun of or scolded by my eating habbits and it makes me feel absolutely terrible because i'm trying. i also care very deeply for my family/friends and will do anything for them. i place unnecessarily guilt onto myself and perfer to do so, so that no one else has to bear the burden.

Belphegor

I kin Belphie and i act as if nothing matters but i secretly am very worried and care alot about my friends/family. I also stay up very late because i feel like i have no control over my life during the day and for some reason i feel like staying up late gives me some kind of control. I also hide my emotions with a sarcastic tone and usually think about the the mistakes ive made in my past while i cry in bed. i dont ask others for help emotionally and i want someone to care and listen to me as well as to relish in a calm peaceful life.

/Undatables/

Diavolo

I kin Diavolo and i fear that telling ppl i care about them isn't enough to get the message across so i constantly gift people things in hopes to show them i care. i also fear gifting things too much drives people away from me, i also dont get included much with friends and feel as if i have done something wrong. i also feel very upset when a fun time is over because the feeling of happiness goes with that moment, so i constantly throw little parties and whatnot to relish in the joy but feel upset once it's over. i can also read people well and get put on edge or very cautious when i cannot read someone

Barbatos

I kin barbatos and i constantly take care of others never once letting myself take a break. I hide my emotions behind a smile in order to not worry others and because i dont want dont ppls sense of depency on me to be ruined. i rarely let myself take breaks bc i fear that i wont be there for the person i care about when they need me.

Solomon

I kin solomon and i usually supress my emotions to hide the fact im not very used to being shown affection and that im not as confident as i seem. I also am a very private person but the fact im so secretive makes me disliked by some bc they think i dislike them. i also wish my friends would include me in more events with them and when they dont i bury myself in an activity to hide the fact im upset about it

Simeon

I kin simeon and i want to know and make sure they everyone is ok. i know just how to push and pull people's buttons but i wont abuse this because i care about those people. i'm also very hard to read and perfer to give people advise rather than answers to their problems. The constant taking care of others makes me forget that i also need time to just myself. It takes alot and i mean alot to anger me but once it happens it's not very pretty.

Luke

I kin luke and I want to take care of everyone and often forget to take care of myself. People often dont take me seriously and so i often i find myself baking as a coping mechisim bc it makes me feel in control of little things. I also have a hard time admitting that i care about others and i'll unknowingly show my affection that i do care about them by giving them little gifts and advice. im also very oblivious to certain topics and are i get mad when i get left in the dark about certain topics.

[qqueenofhades]

Hi, I’ve been tasked with researching Richard Plantagenet for a paper and thus far found extremely negative accounts of the king, his religious bigotry being a reoccurring theme (his treatment of Jewish dignitaries attending his coronation and his reasoning to join the third crusade etc)

I stumbled across your wonderful tag for Richard at the weekend and wondered if you wouldn’t mind sharing your informed opinion of Richard and his views on religions ? Your writing seems very well balanced regarding his attributes and flaws. Thanks :)

Oof. Okay. So, a short and simple question, then?

Quick note: when I was first reading your ask and saw "Richard Plantagenet," I briefly assumed that you meant Richard Plantagenet, father of Edward IV, or perhaps Richard III, both from the Wars of the Roses in the fifteenth century, before seeing from context that you meant Richard I. While "Plantagenet" was first used as an informal appellation by Richard I's grandfather, Geoffrey of Anjou, it wasn't until several centuries later that the English royal house started to use it consistently as a surname. So it's not something that Richard I would have been really called or known by, even if historians tend to use it as a convenient labeling conceit. (See: the one thousand popular histories on "The Plantagenets" that have been published recently.)

As for Richard I, he is obviously an extremely complex and controversial figure for many reasons, though one of the first things that you have to understand is that he has been mythologized and reinvented and reinterpreted down the centuries for many reasons, especially his crusade participation and involvement in the Robin Hood legends. When you're researching about Richard, you're often reading reactions/interpretations of that material more than anything specifically rooted in the primary sources. And while I am glad that you asked me about this and want to encourage you to do so, I will gently enquire to start off: when you say "research," what kind of materials are you looking at, exactly? Are these actual published books/papers/academic material, or unsourced stuff on the internet written from various amateur/ideological perspectives and by people who have particular agendas for depicting Richard as the best (or as is more often the case, worst) ever? Because history, to nobody's surprise, is complicated. Richard did good things and he also did quite bad things, and it's difficult to reduce him to one or the other.

Briefly (ha): I'll say just that if a student handed me a paper stating that Richard was a religious bigot because a) there were anti-Jewish riots during his coronation and b) he signed up for the Third Crusade, I would seriously question it. Medieval violence against the Jews was an unfortunately endemic part of crusade preparations, and all we know about Richard's own reaction is that he fined the perpetrators harshly (repeated after a similar March 1190 incident in York) and ordered for them to be punished. Therefore, while there famously was significant anti-Semitic violence at his coronation, Richard himself was not the one who instigated it, and he ordered for the Londoners who did take part in it to be punished for breaking the king's peace.

This, however, also doesn't mean that Richard was a great person or that he was personally religiously tolerant. We don't know that and we often can't know that, whether for him or anyone else. This is the difficulty of inferring private thoughts or beliefs from formal records. This is why historians, at least good historians, mostly refrain from speculating on how a premodern private individual actually thought or felt or identified. We do know that Richard likewise also made a law in 1194 to protect the Jews residing in his domains, known as Capitula Judaeis. This followed in the realpolitik tradition of Pope Calixtus II, who had issued Sicut Judaeis in c. 1120 ordering European Christians not to harass Jews or forcibly convert them. This doesn't mean that either Calixtus or Richard thought Jews were great, but they did choose a different and more pragmatic/economic way of dealing with them than their peers. This does not prove "religious bigotry" and would need a lot more attention as an analytical concept.

As for saying that the crusades were motivated sheerly by medieval religious bigotry, I'm gonna have to say, hmm, no. Speaking as someone with a PhD in medieval history who specialised in crusade studies, there is an enormous literature around the question of why the crusades happened and why they continue to hold such troubling attraction as a pattern of behavior for the modern world. Yes, Richard went on crusade (as did the entire Western Latin world, pretty much, since 1187 and the fall of Jerusalem was the twelfth century's 9/11). But there also exists material around him that doesn't exist around any other crusade leader, including his extensive diplomatic relations with the Muslims, their personal admiration for him, his friendship with Saladin and Saladin's brother Saif al-Din, the fact that Arabic and Islamic sources can be more complimentary about Richard than the Christian records of his supposed allies, and so forth. I think Frederick II of Sicily, also famous for his friendly relationships with Muslims, is the only other crusade leader who has this kind of material. So however he did act on crusade, and for whatever reasons he went, Richard likewise chose the pragmatic path in his interactions with Muslims, or at least the Muslim military elite, than just considering them all as religious barbarians unworthy of his time or attention.

The question of how the crusades functioned as a pattern of expected behavior for the European Christian male aristocrat, sometimes entirely divorced from any notion of his private religious beliefs, is much longer and technical than we can possibly get into. (As again, I am roughly summarising a vast and contentious field of academic work for you here, so... yes.) Saying that the crusades happened only because medieval people were all religious zealots is a wild oversimplification of the type that my colleague @oldshrewsburyian and I have to deal with in our classrooms, and likewise obscures the dangerous ways in which the modern world is, in some ways, more devoted to replicating this pattern than ever. It puts it beyond the remit of analysis and into the foggy "Dark Ages hurr durr bad" stereotype that drives me batty.

Weighted against this is the fact that Richard obviously killed many Muslims while on crusade, and that this was motivated by religious and ideological convictions that were fairly standard for his day but less admirable in ours. The question of how that violence has been glorified by the alt-right people who think there was nothing wrong with it at all and he should have done more must also be taken into account. Richard's rise to prominence as a quintessentially English chivalrous hero in the nineteenth century, right when Britain was building its empire and needed to present the crusades as humane and civilizing missions abroad rather than violent and generally failed attempts at forced conversion and conquest, also problematized this. As noted, Richard was many things, but... not that, and when the crusades fell out of fashion again in the twentieth century, he was accordingly drastically villainized. Neither the superhero or the supervillain images of him are accurate, even if they're cheap and easy.

The English nationalists have a complicated relationship with Richard: he represents the ideal they aspire to, aesthetically speaking, and the kind of anti-immigrant sentiment they like to put in his mouth, which is far more than the historical Richard actually displayed toward his Muslim counterparts. (At least, again, so far as we can know anything about his private beliefs, but this is what we can infer from his actions in regard to Saladin, who he deeply respected, and Saladin's brother.) But he was also thoroughly a French knight raised and trained in the twelfth-century martial tradition, his concern for England was only as a minor part of the sprawling 'Angevin empire' he inherited from his father Henry II (which is heresy for the Brexit types who think England should always be the center of the world), and his likely inability to speak English became painted as a huge character flaw. (Notwithstanding that after the Norman Conquest in 1066, England did not have a king who spoke English natively until Henry IV in 1399, but somehow all those others don't get blamed as much as Richard.)

Anyway. I feel as if it's best to stop here. Hopefully this points you toward the complexity of the subject and gives you some guidelines in doing your own research from here. :)

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.4

I swear folks once I get this and the last part up I’m gonna condense it all

But yeah couldn’t resist some <3

Zhang and Wu Chat

Wu Xie: Um. I’m all done with the shower if you want a turn.

Zhang Qiling: I’m alright without one.

Wu Xie: sooo are you pissed at me still?

Zhang Qiling: ? I have not been angry with you since the ladder incident.

Wu Xie: you’ve barely said anything since the necklace thingy

Zhang Qiling: I believe it is a long-running joke amongst my friend group that I do not, in fact, say much.

Wu Xie: okay but there are multiple gouges in the tea house walls that would suggest you had somewhat strong feelings today

and I kinda caused the events that sparked said feelings

so just checking in you know

Zhang Qiling: I was not angry so much as I was afraid. More afraid than I’ve been in a long time.

Wu Xie: ??? But it has worked out fine??? Everyone made it out alive and Uncle Erbai gets to feel morally superior to the Zhang family for a while so today was a win overall

Zhang Qiling: I heard you scream. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t get to you right away. Therefore, I was afraid.

Wu Xie: ohhhhh. oh, Xiao Ge. It’s alright now—hey the necklace was actually helping u look out for me:) It’s not like those ppl were actually trying to hurt me, really. Your family isn’t so bad, at least you don’t have any uncles you know of

today was just some big misunderstandings wrapped in some poor life choices. Tbh my memoir title

I feel kind of stupid for screaming but when a glowing necklace wraps itself around your neck it’s a little uhoh moment lol

I did like the design tho def my aesthetic.

Zhang Qiling: I am pleased that it was able to protect you when I was not.

Wu Xie: Uh no you are not allowed to get all emo abt this it’s only like 3pm

damn time flies when it’s flashing before your eyes lol

Are you on the roof? You’re def on the roof. I thought I heard the tiles moving over my head. Come down or I’m coming up.

Zhang Qiling: I will be down in a moment. Do not come outside, it’s cold and raining.

Wu Xie: you know, Zhang Rishan said he thinks the necklace might be linked to you, somehow

something from long ago, even though you wouldn’t remember it.

It’s lucky that it liked me, huh:)

Zhang Qiling: Yes. Quite lucky.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: AWW LOOK AT HIM NAPPING ON YOUR SHOULDER SO CUTE. BEBES HAD A BIG DAY. YOU TWO ARE PRECIOUS. BE GOOD AND POSE FOR THE PICTURE NOW.

Zhang Qiling: No. Also, I am considering what steps I should take with Zhang Rishan. Regardless of his concern for the Zhang family line, his actions were unacceptable.

Wang Pangzi: HES DROOLING A LITTLE ON YOU WHICH IS LESS CUTE BUT I CAN CROP THAT PART

LOOK I KNOW YOURE STILL PISSED. IM NOT EXACTLY CALM MYSELF, I JUST HAVE WAYS TO SKIRT AROUND TIANZHENS BULLSHIT FILTER THAT YOU LACK

GET ON MY LEVEL

WU ERBAI WILL HANDLE IT, THINGS HAVE SETTLED I THINK

BUT ABOUT THAT NECKLACE

SO INTERESTING HMMM

Zhang Qiling: I am the patriarch of my family. The necklace behaved as I would, apparently, to protect a vulnerable family member. Wu Xie’s bad cold last week activated it, and it responded to a perceived danger to him today. Simple enough.

Wang Pangzi: UH HUH

A FAMILY MEMBER

THE NECKLACE REALLY SAID LOVE WINS

TOLKIEN COULD NEVER

Zhang Qiling: It protected him on a technicality. But I will not allow him to bear the burdens of my family ever again. It has taken so much from him already.

Wang Pangzi: YEAH SURE BLAH BLAH DESTINY BLAH BLAH ANGST

“A TECHNICALITY” WOW WHO SAID ROMANCE WAS DEAD

ANYHOO IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR UR WEDDING RECEPTION SLIDESHOW

YA KNOW DURING MY SPEECH

Friends of Wu Xie Support Group Chat

Hei Yangjing: you’re welcome for everything today<3 I accept PayPal, although of course it is always my honor to assist my friends:)

Wang Pangzi: WE ARENT PAYING YOU SHIT

Zhang Qiling: You did absolutely nothing.

Hei Yangjing: whoa whoa maybe I wasn’t threatening family members or busting up load-bearing walls like some undying divas I could name but I totes helped

or at least I was there for moral support maybe?

Zhang Qiling: The only reason I knew you were there at all was that as I lowered my blade from Zhang Rishan’s neck, I heard the camera click and saw you were taking a selfie making a peace sign, angled to have the two of us in the background.

Xie Yuchen: I saw it on social media just now. The caption is “#greatdaycatchingupwiththelads #blessed”

Wang Pangzi: TBH KIND OF JEALOUS I DIDNT THINK TO DO THAT

Hei Hangjing: okay yeah you see Xiao Ge that is a modern kind of help I should’ve known you wouldn’t be aware

It’s called performance, you wouldn’t understand

it’s a ‘Gram thing

Also it means I’m a great person

Bc letting you handle the situation was my gift to you

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie mentioned there is something called “blocking ppl” that gets them out of my phone.

Hei Yangjing: nah

Can’t trust that Wu Xie, bae can’t tell a coffin from an urn amirite

it’s not a thing, blocking

Xie Yuchen: It is a thing. I’ll show you later, Zhang Qiling.

Wang Pangzi: YOU BOYS GO GET CLEANED UP AND COME BY AROUND 9 I SNAGGED SOME OF ZHANG RISHANS BOOZE ON THE WAY OUT

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Hei Yangjing: you looked pretty comfortable in those handcuffs earlier ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Go to sleep, idiot.

Hei Yangjing: You’d have to do something to tire me out ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Are you like this around Wu Xie? Not that I care, I’m just asking.

Hei Yangjing: uh that’s a big nope

First off all Idk when I’ll die but Id prefer it to be on my terms and not at the hands of those other two

Secondly there is a part of me that remembers how adorable he was when he was younger and that makes it weird

(No offense but u were not adorable. He was bebe luke skywalker, you were bebe princess leia I am obvs Han Solo 4lyfe)

Also I’m a little scared that if i flirted with him and he flirted back he’d be better at it.

Xie Yuchen: All valid concerns.

Hei Yangjing: as cute as he is I don’t really wanna tap that.

Xie Yuchen: I see.

Hei Yangjing: do you tho

Main Chat

Wu Xie: okay folks who wants cocoa to top the evening off? I picked some up today:D

Wang Pangzi: UH YOU SPENT YOUR DAY BEING KIDNAPPED AND PLACATING A SENTIENT NECKLACE WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO GET GROCERIES

FRANKLY THATS INTIMIDATING

Wu Xie: the tea house gift shop:)

Wang Pangzi: …YOU BOUGHT COCOA FROM YOUR KIDNAPPERS. FROM THEIR GIFT SHOP. DURING YOUR KIDNAPPING.

WU XIE

WU XIE WHY

Wu Xie: I mean we were there the whole day, it felt impolite not to buy anything.

Wang Pangzi: OH RIGHT GREAT POINT ID HATE TO BE RUDE TO THEM AFTER THEY WENT TO THE TROUBLE OF ABDUCTING US

LISTEN WHEN PPL STEAL YOU IT BECOMES FREE REIGN ON THEIR SHIT

UGH YOU PROBABLY GOT A RECEIPT AND EVERYTHING

WAS UR LITTLE SHOPPING TRIP BEFORE OR AFTER THEY STUCK U IN A DUNGEON TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU

WAIT NVM I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT

Wu Xie: look, let’s focus on the positives/ we are all okay, and we learned something new, that necklace is still active! It’s really quite nice-looking when it isn’t moving of its own volition.

Wang Pangzi: YOU AND YOUR RELENTLESS DUCKING OPTIMISM

ZHANG QILING ARE YOU SEEING THIS

Zhang Qiling: I would love some cocoa. I’ll come to the kitchen.

Wu Xie: I have special marshmallows for you!!

Wang Pangzi: I SEE

WE ARE SUBSCRIBING TO THE PRESTIGIOUS “FUCK IT WHY NOT” SCHOOL OF THOT TONIGHT

LOL SURE LETS GO COCOA IT UP

IVE GOT SOMETHING STRONG TO POP IN IT

Wu Xie: Still thinking about that design… I’d love another chance to examine that necklace under less Zhangy circumstances.

Kinda sad we couldn’t borrow it to use for illnesses and dangerous missions :/

ah well it’s for the best, a family heirloom should be treasured, preserved and protected<3

Zhang Qiling: I put it on your dresser.

Wu Xie: ???????

Wang Pangzi: AND THATS WHY YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS, XIAOGE <3

Wu Xie: I—

Zhang Qiling: Are those bunny-shaped marshmallows for me?

[rotshop]

get prankt this isn't an angst fic lol ,,

ANYWAY ,, i realized earlier that i could've just been calling 'auditor reader' employer reader this whole time and then i had a funny silly goofy little idea and now we r here,,,lol,,, ill proof read this later but i did this in one go no breaks so . help.

I might continue this later so!! consider this a sort of 'introduction' if u will,,

note ; auditor uses he / she / they pronouns in this bc ive decided im just going to push my propaganda onto all of you <333 also Hank uses he / they / xe

tw ; dissociation, dereality, some light body horror

Bloody Management

"This is out of your jurisdiction. You've wasted enough time here," you seethed dryly, staring down at the shorter being. "You've made no progress and have only proved your operation to be a strain on our relations and resources."

"Out of MY jurisdiction? YOU'VE never even been there before! You think you can just storm in and suddenly kick me out of my own work?" Auditor shot back, hands slamming down on the mahogany desk in front of her.

"Yes, actually, I do," you snapped, eyes narrowing. "I think you're forgetting just who you're speaking to. You've let this drag on for far too long and your ego has grown in tandem with its pointlessness."

Sighing, you leaned back in your chair, pinching the bridge of your nose as you continued. "Look, I understand. You put effort and thought into this little pet project of yours, but the results have all proven zilch. You fucked up, that's fine, but you can't keep meddling with this reality in hopes something will suddenly work again! All you're doing is tearing and poking holes the rest of us will have to deal with later."

"If you just gave me a little more time I could-"

"We've been giving you time. We've given you more time than we've ever given any project like yours," you gave a desperate look, "It's over. You tried and we tried, there's nothing that can be done. If you just worked with us then we could help you."

There was a long silence as they faltered, hands falling into their lap as their gaze followed, landing on the floor.

"And what happens to my Nevada?"

"We'll try and clean it up again. Return it to..some sort of normalcy," you hummed, "Though, with some of those tears in the fabric it'll take a bit longer than anticipated. That..clown, is proving to be rather difficult."

You paused, grin finding it's way onto your face.

"It's been tricky, if you will."

"Not the time."

You gave a 'tsk' in response, shrugging lightly, "I don't regret it."

"You'll be going back to our depths, effective immediately. While this project was a failure, we're still curious to see if there's anything else that can be done in a different time and place."

"And what about you? Are you going to sit all pretty in this fake office for the rest of eternity?" She questioned sarcastically, eyes dragging up to meet yours.

"God, I wish. I mean, seriously, you have no idea how nice it is to have some peace and quiet after dealing with that fuckin' office."

With a dry snicker and -presumably- an eye roll, they finally stood accepting their defeat.

"I presume I'll be seeing you?"

"If your little posse doesn't cause me too much trouble, yes."

"Have fun with that, I do hope it's as grueling as possible," he hummed, turning and striding towards the door to nothing.

"Thanks, was nice seeing you too."

The door peering to the void shuts soundlessly.

.

.

.

"Was the pun really that bad?.."

---

"What do you mean they're just neutral suddenly? It's not like they all just suddenly unionized or sum' shit! There's gotta be something going on," Deimos groaned, irritation dragging onto him and clinging desperately.

"Well- What do you want me to say! I'm just as confused as you are," Sanford huffed back over comms, making a vague gesture with no audience.

Hank stood in the other room, staring down at the few agents that were on their knees with their hands held tight behind their heads. They'd made no attempt to attack Sanford and xem, simply staring in a bit of surprise when the two'd busted in. It'd completely thrown the raid off, leaving them both in a state of stunned confusion. The agent that they'd asked about the sudden change in demeanor just gave some shaky shrug, stammering out that they'd all received an order to not attack under any circumstances from some unknown contact. 'They really just listen to anyone then?..'

It was hard to believe, hard to find any reason or meaning in that lead to any conclusive endings. Which, had lead to a small dispute going nowhere and fast. Hank only picked up on little parts of it, the words being muffled and distorted through the wall. Xe didn't really have much interest in getting a clearer reading of it though, it didn't sound like it meant much.

"Look, I'm just going to try and look for any documents or actual recordings of this apparent 'ghost order,' alright?..." A pause. "Deimos? Are you there? Shit- Of course the line dies now of all times."

The line wasn't dead. It was somewhere else, some-when else.

---

The ground felt cold.

.

.

No, was it warm?

Wait- No no no, it wasn't warm..

.

.

.

Was it even the ground?

.

.

Did it even matter?

.

Deimos could fuzzily recall it. Arguing with Sanford over the line. The points he made exactly didn't seem to ring through the fog of confusion and numb in his mind. Something about the Auditor, the agents, blah bla..something.

He'd been making to say something else when he'd seen it, something off in the corner of his eye. It wasn't anything huge, if you asked him he wouldn't even be able to tell you what it was. There was something wrong, but there wasn't. The ground was cold, but it was warm.

Something was wrong.

Everything is fine.

He'd turned around, looking around for whatever in his vision wasn't right.

That's rude to say, you know.

He'd never found it, something reaching from the depths to grab him.

You're making me sound awfully cruel.

With a groan, he picked himself up off the ground to observe his surroundings. White and black stretched infinitely around him, the 'ground' underneath him was the deepest of not-color while the 'sky' was its blinding twin. A building stood in front of him, a mix of ivory and ink twisted to form its structure. The door faced him, standing tall and straight as a soldier in spite of how tilted and off the world felt.

Before he could even really register it, something was pulling him up off the floor. There were no hands or strings physically attached, nothing sticking from him to drag into the infinite beyond his comprehension, no no. It was something quiet, a ghost or a whisper in his mind that pulled him through the ocean and to shore. The door grew larger- closer. His mind grew blanker. His hand twisted the knob.

Color flooded into his vision finally, the room in front of him coated in it graciously. The floors were a velvet carpeting, a wine red that felt of lavish and glitzy. The walls were lined in bookshelves, each filled to the brim with titles somewhere between poetry and latin white noise where imagination fell. At the head of the room stood a desk, polished mahogany standing tall and still, frozen indefinitely in time. Behind it, you.

Me.

Once again, he was pulled forward. Each step fell in front of the other, unsure of weight behind them and noise that followed suite. He felt half there. Half of a man and half of a void. It was..something.

Not pleasant, not bad.

The ground wasn't cold, wasn't warm.

It just was.

He finds himself meeting your gaze as he plops down into one of the seats in front of you. He finds his neck straining and bowing under phantom limbs that aren't there. He finds his eyes training on yours which stare back pointedly, finds himself between hot and cold. He finds himself sitting down before you as he watches from the window.

There's no window in the room.

"You must be so confused."

Your voice is in front of him, right? That's where you are, so your voice should be coming from there. It isn't though. It's around him somewhere. Even as you tilt your head to the side the noise of your own voice doesn't seem to follow it.

"Don't think too much on this all, alright?"

You mutter something. 'These grunts really weren't made for this- to be here. I'm surprised he even woke up.'

Someone nods in agreement.

"Wh..who are you?"

Is that his voice? It is. It has to be, it fell from his own mouth. He barely even felt it move. Is it his mouth? It has to be.

You pause for a moment, seemingly caught off guard. He doesn't know if its because he spoke or because of what he asked. Nobody clarifies.

"Why don't you call me [name]? That'll be easiest for you. I do apologize for dragging you here rather than appearing there," you hum, leaning forward on your desk. "I just wanted to make sure we had the utmost privacy."

I wanted to make sure you wouldn't be able to forget.

"Now, Deimos," is that his name? "I need to tell you something, I have to work on restoring things for you, so I can't deliver this message to everyone myself in the most..effective of ways. You won't mind filling your friends in for me, right?"

He doesn't answer. He can't. His tongue is lead and his mouth is stuck shut, if he opens it will surely be left that way for the rest of infinity- for the rest of this place, this time. Someone says yes in his voice.

"Good. Now, try to listen carefully..."

---

He wakes up on sand. He's sitting up quickly, stilted as his mind finds his body. His tongue is lighter, teeth separated once more as his jaws are their own entities again. The cliff is still under him, wind passing by him peacefully. The horizon stretches infinite.

The ground is warm, there's no mistaking it.

"Deimos? Are you there?"

He pauses briefly.

"I need to tell you guys something."

[sugarmaplewings-fics]

Moments

Pairing: Kirishima x reader x Kaminari

Warnings: Near-death experience, mentions of blood and bleeding, general character distress, Y/N is in a hospital, happy ending, polyandry, me not knowing how to end things also i’m sorry the first two paragraphs are atrocious hhshdjc

Author’s Note:

Here’s the final request from this batch! Sorry for the wait but thanks for requesting! I hope this’ll do it for ya <3

-Sugar

⊱ ──── 《∘◦∘》 ──── ⊰ 

⊱ ──── 《∘◦∘》 ──── ⊰ 

Life is made up of moments, each one simple and brief. Some events may feel as though they are building, tragedy looming on a distant horizon. Others happen in a mere instant, only to turn everything upside down.

In a moment, you’d seen the elderly civilian man standing just a bit too close to the battle ground for comfort. Another second; your boyfriend, Kirishima, threw a punch to the villain, knocking him off balance. You saw it, the beam of light shooting straight towards the man. You knew you still had time to move.

Rushing over, you took the hit.

It hurt. Everything hurt. Your eyes rolled back and a shriek escaped your lips, body seizing with the foreign throes of agony. You must have blacked out for a moment, because suddenly you felt yourself being held in a pair of arms.

“She’s bleeding!” a voice said above you, but they sounded miles away.

In a tremendous show of effort, you forced your eyes open. Light from the afternoon sun only brought more pain, but you just had to get a glimpse of him one last time.

Yes, there he was, in all his heroic glory. Your Eijirou. But he wasn’t looking at you. He must have been calling out for someone else. Perhaps it was your mutual lover. Either way, the pain was growing to be too much to bear. You slumped further into his chest, letting your eyes close once more.

Denki. If only you’d been able to see him again one last time….

…

Kaminari was not having a good day. Although, to be fair, it’s hard to ‘have a good day’ when your girlfriend is rapidly bleeding to death in front of you.

Everything seemed to happen so quickly. One moment, you, Eijirou and him were all out on patrol and the next, you were being attacked by some guy with a crazy force quirk. And then you were hurt.

He honestly thought you guys had won, as he secured the final blow on the villain with a shock of energy. Once the guy was effectively fried, Denki was ready to celebrate. Except, neither of his partners were there by his side.

He turned—confused, searching—until his eyes finally fell upon the hulking form of Red Riot kneeling on the ground a few paces away.

“. . . (Y/N)?” Kaminari tried, his voice barely above a whisper. He felt frozen to his spot, unable to move his feet forward nor back.

“She’s bleeding!” Kirishima called over his shoulder, and somehow that was what Kaminari needed to snap him out of it.

It felt as though he was trudging through molasses on his way to get to you—slow, difficult, unwilling to accept the fact that you could be hurt.

But you were. And you weren’t looking good either. You were slumped unconscious against Kirishima’s bare chest, face somehow peaceful amidst all the chaos around your unknowing body. Blood seeped out of a large gash on your stomach, and it looked bad. Kaminari tried to hold back a low moan of distress at the sight of it.

He sunk to his knees, taking off his black hero jacket and pressing it to your midsection in an attempt to slow the flow of blood. It was hard to see the stain on the dark material of the clothing article, but Denki somehow knew it would only be a matter of time before it was soaked through in its entirety.

A small crowd of civilians had gathered to watch the battle, and were now anxiously trying to see if you were going to be okay.

“The police should be here any minute,” a woman informed the two heroes somewhere above their heads.

“Did you call an ambulance?” Kirishima asked.

Denki glanced up to see the woman nod, pulling her phone back from her ear.

“You’re going to be alright,” Eijirou whispered to you, cradling your head and damaged body closer into his own. “Just stay with us, baby, please.”

…

Your eyes cracked open, slow and feeble. Blinding fluorescent light pierced between your lids, making you wince and shut them again. Where were you? And why did it smell . . . strange?

You tried opening your eyes again, your vision blurry and swimming until you were finally able to make out a white-tiled ceiling. Turning your head, you saw a table next to your bed, with a vase of pretty flowers resting at its center. You also noticed an IV drip leading into your arm.

So you were in a hospital. Made sense.

You racked your memory, trying to think of what might have landed you here. Ah, yes, the villain and the old man, that must have been it.

You turned your head again, this time to your left, and it was then that you saw them.

Denki laid slumped over the arm of a chair, supported by Eijirou’s chest. Kirishima's head laid against the sill of a window, which you had to figure couldn’t have been all that comfortable. Both men were fast asleep, quiet snores emitting from the redhead’s chest while Denki left a small puddle of drool on the man’s shirt.

You couldn’t be more in love.

A few minutes passed; just enough to make you aware of the white bandages wrapped around your midsection. A nurse stepped in, looking over his clipboard before he noticed your conscious state.

“Ah, (H/N), you’re finally awake,” he acknowledged with a smile.

“They aren’t,” you snickered hoarsely, gesturing to your partners.

The nurse laughed brightly, which was just enough of a disturbance to rouse Kirishima.

“(Y/N)!” the redhead shouted as soon as he saw you, jumping up out of his chair.

Denki nearly fell forward out of his own seat, waking with a start and a pop of static. “(Y/N)?”

Eijirou hurried to your bedside, kneeling down and taking your hand in his. “We were so worried about you!”

Denki nodded in agreement, settling in next to Eijirou and leaning against his shoulder. “You almost died!”

“Well . . . I guess I didn’t,” you said, unsure of how to respond.

“You were lucky,” the nurse pointed out. “Too much longer and you probably wouldn’t have made it.”

You swallowed, the repercussions of your actions beginning to weigh on you.

“No need to fret,” he reassured you. “We have some of the best healers in all of Japan here. I’m positive you’ll make a full recovery.”

Your boyfriends stepped out of the room so the nurse could finish running his tests; checking your vitals and asking you a few questions.

“She’s all yours,” he said, opening the door and letting the two pro heroes step back into your room before ducking out himself.

“The guy you saved came in here earlier to visit you,” Denki informed you once he was back at your bedside. “He was so grateful.”

You smiled. “I’m glad it turned out okay for everyone.”

“But we almost lost you,” Kirishima said, taking your hand again and pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “Please don’t be reckless like that.”

Your face morphed into a slight frown. “What was I supposed to do, then? Let him die? You should know better than anyone that I couldn’t do that.”

Kirishima cast his eyes to the floor, torn.

Kaminari put a hand on the redhead’s shoulder. “You scared us both, (Y/N). You got hurt really bad, and there was so much blood . . . . You’ve been out for two days, and Eijirou and I . . . we couldn’t help but worry that you’d never wake up again.”

Sighing, your thumb began to stroke the side of Kirishima’s hand. “I’m sorry. I know how scary that is. I can’t imagine losing one of you guys.”

“I just want you to be safe,” Eijirou said.

“Of course.” You moved your hand so you could cup his cheek. “But the important thing is that I’m alright. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Eijirou leaned forward so he could kiss your forehead, then moved back so Denki could do the same to your cheek.

“I can go get us some stuff to do together,” Denki offered. “Being in the hospital is boring, trust me.”

You and Kirishima laughed. The blond always had your backs no matter what.

And even after a moment of disaster, you were proud to say you could all bounce back. As long as the three of you stuck together, you could get through anything.

 ⊱ ──── 《∘◦∘》 ──── ⊰

Taglist: @aahilovetheatre @basicaegyo @hyunmin-1404​ @iiminibattlehero @katsugay @nabo39 @pyrofanatic @rainy-skys-and-bright-stars @sendhelpimstupid @sxngwoos-ash-box @xoxopam4

[mobagehelllocal]

“i can hold the world in my hands”

A/N: I had this idea and I wanted to write it for all the Dorm Leaders! I tried to pour a lot of love into these, so I hope that comes across properly! Here we go~ Please enjoy!

Edit--additional pieces: ver i (this), ver ii (deuce, leech twins, silver),ver iii (jamil), ver iv (ruggie, rook, lilia), ver v (trey), ver vi (ace, jack, epel, sebek)

--

It was during another one of Heartslabyul’s Unbirthday Parties. You were sat right next to Riddle, as you stirred a teaspoon in your tea. You giggled at the way Ace and Grimm messed around, while Deuce tried to stop them--only to be pulled into it. Cater laughed happily, the way he held his phone could only mean he probably filmed everything. Trey sat across you, a familiar smirk crawling up his lips as everyone enjoyed themselves. 

You decided to take a peak at Riddle, only to notice that he had a terrible scowl on his face. You frowned, in turn, ‘I wonder what happened?’ His face was steadily becoming red, ‘Uh-oh’ you frantically thought of a way to distract him before everyone else caught onto his bad mood, and you had a little ‘Aha!’ moment as you realized one thing you could do.  “Riddle~” His sharp gray eyes barely glanced your way, his gaze still focused on the chaos caused by Ace, Deuce and Grimm.  “What is it?” He asked, his brow twitched, his grip on his staff tightened.  “Did you know? I know how to hold the world in my hands.”   “Ohoh?” Riddle scoffed, “As far as I know, the world is too big to do that. That is impossible even with mag--” as he turned to face you, you quickly reached towards him, and placed both of your hands on either of his cheeks. Riddle paused as he met your gaze.  “See? I’m holding the world in my hands.” You smiled, all cheeky.  Riddle stared at you, his expressions told you his emotions. The furrowed brows meant he was confused, the way his eyes squinted told you he was trying to recall something--and the way his eyes jolted wide told you he understood what you were trying to say. You smiled, and he flushed a pretty shade of red. ‘That’s better!’  “You--what--how--”  he sputtered in response. 

You gently pressed against his cheeks, and he raised one of his own, to twine your fingers. ‘My world’ you tried to convey this with your eyes, with your touch. His eyes softened very quickly, and you were ready to claim victory when--

“Awww! How cute!” You hear Cater’s happy voice, “I got that live!”   “Ewww! What was that?” Grimm’s disgusted voice reached you too, while Ace laughed and Deuce bawled over how cute it was. You turned your head, only to meet Trey’s gaze. His smirk widened, and your cheeks flush red at the realization that the whole of Heartslabyul was paying attention.  In your hands, Riddle began trembling. You turned your head back to him quickly, only to notice that he was no longer a pretty shade of red. He was a furious shade of red. “Oh... oh dear...”   “[OFF WITH YOUR HEAD]!” Riddle leapt up, and pointed his staff at Cater, who yelped and hid behind Deuce--which led him to get hit with the spell instead. “Senior Cater!” Deuce shrieked, and the whole party descended into madness--as Cater, Ace and Grimm rapidly retreated behind other members, or behind the tables.  “Ah... I wasn’t off much help...” you laughed nervously, “in the end he didn’t calm down.”   “Nonsense.” Across you, Trey rested his chin on the back of his hand, and shot you a friendly smirk. “He’s in a much better mood.” You looked forward to see the way Riddle had caught Cater, Ace, Deuce and Grimm. They were all kneeling in front of him as he began a sermon. 

‘T-that’s a better mood?’ you couldn’t help but wonder, as sweat dripped down your temple. Riddle glanced at you over his shoulder, and the way he quickly averted his gaze told you everything. 

You laughed softly.  “I guess it is~”

--

It was rare for Leona to be in a good mood. In fact, you figured he’s probably never in a good mood. Whatever he was feeling--it was always between very bad mood to just lazy bad mood--with lazy bad mood being the best time to approach him about anything. You were pretty good at figuring out where he was on the scale of bad moods, and you often coordinated with Ruggie on updating his “Leona’s Bad Mood Scale”.  So, the moment you caught sight of how his ears and whole face twitched, the grip he had on his biceps, and how his tail was thumping in a certain beat--your eyes immediately darted around the Garden, in search for possible explanations for his mood. ‘No sign of anything that could’ve upset him.’  Now normally, whenever he was upset, you tried to cheer him up--sometimes with lame jokes, or ear scratches--he’ll deny it, but it always calms him down. However, he looked to be in a very very bad mood. The ear scratches won’t work. ‘He’s likely to scratch me first.’ You think wryly. 

This seemed to be a level that doesn’t currently exist on the “Leona’s Bad Mood Scale”. ‘Huh... I guess it’s time to update that again.’ You make a mental note to tell Ruggie, before you bounced right over into Leona’s line of sight. When he caught sight of you, you noticed how thin his pupils were. His lips pulled back to reveal his teeth as he snarled.  “I’m not in the mood herbivore.” 

“but Leona, you never are.” you pointed out not-so-innocently, and his scowl became even more severe. ‘Ah... he really looks like a grumpy cat.’  You fixed your expression quickly before he realized you were thinking about how much he looked like your pet cat-- ‘Now, what can I say--?’ 

“Hey Leona~ I learnt how to do something today~” you bent down, your arms rested on top of your knees as you balanced yourself on the balls of your feet.  “I said I’m not interested.”  “I learnt how to hold the world in my hands~” you hummed, and his eyes narrowed.  “Haah? Are you an idiot? You can’t hold the world in your hands”  he snorted in response, that is, until he feels your hands cup his cheeks.  “There.” Your eyes shined with genuine affection, as you brushed you hands across his cheeks. “I’m holding the world in my hands.”  The way your eyes met his own without fear, but just... concern... and--could he say it?... no he couldn’t even think of it. Your actions--so filled with care--unknotted his tense shoulders, and loosened his tight grip on his arms.  “You--” damned herbivore. He sighed very deeply, his eyes sliding shut. Somehow--you always managed to make him lose all the anger brewing just beneath his skin. For some reason--the way you looked at him made nothing else matter. For some reason--you were still looking at him--you were still seeing him.  His ears dipped down, and his tail slowed, then relaxed. His whole expression smoothened, and you noticed just the slightest flush of red on his cheeks ‘Aha! Success!’ Then his eyes flashed open. “Eep!”   You blinked wearily at the bright light coming from the midday sun, until Leona’s figure covered it up. He had one hand snake up your leg, and you feel your face flush.  “Leona!” you squeaked as you tried to grab his hand with your hand, only for him to easily grab yours in turn, and press them above your head. He raised the wrist of his other hand to his face, and used his mouth to tug the button open.  “You don’t say things like that and expect nothing coming from me, herbivore.” he chuckled, and gave you a smirk that made you breathless, “be prepared~” 

--

“Oya.” you’re greeted by the sweetly smiling Leech brother, Jade. “If it isn’t the Prefect. Here to visit Azul?” You flushed at how quickly he figured you out, but Jade’s smile only widened into a knowing one.  “Yes please. Where is he?”  “He’s in the VIP Room.” He quickly noticed the look on your face, so Jade added “Don’t worry. He’s not meeting with a client, he’s just sorting out some paperwork. You can go right ahead.”  “Jade... are you sure you’re not a mind reader?” You exhaled, and Jade chuckled softly.  “Oh my... I am simply one hell of an assistant.”  He pressed a gloved hand over his chest, “well then, do go on. I doubt you’ll make it to Azul if Floyd spots you first.”  “Thank you Jade!~” you skipped off, as you easily ducked past Octavinelle students on your way to the VIP room. When you get there, you knocked on the door, only to hear a disgruntled noise from the other side. When you peek into the room, your eyes meet with Azul’s, from behind a stack of paperwork. He blinked once in surprise, before a pleasant smile curled up his lips.  “I didn’t think you’d be visiting.” He motioned for you to come in, which you did after firmly shutting the door.  “Yeah well, you’ve been busy so I thought I should just drop in and... get a few minutes with you?” your voice trailed off uncertainly as his smile dropped, and his gaze shifted back to his paperwork. “I’d like to finish this.” he decided, “give me a moment?”  “Sure.” was barely out of your mouth, before Azul tuned you out and refocused on the papers. Knowing that when Azul said a moment, he actually meant longer, you thought you should just make yourself comfortable across the couches. You sat down, and instantly grabbed a sea salt chocolate from the platter before you. Normally this wasn’t here, but it was something Jade would put whenever he knew you would be coming to visit Azul. Knowing how easily distracted Azul was by his paperwork, you’ve spent a lot of time just sitting here and doing--mostly nothing--until Floyd comes in to kidnap you. 

However, you didn’t really want to leave Azul. You crossed your legs, placed your elbow on your thigh as you leant forward, and cupped your own cheek with your hand. You watched as Azul quietly got absorbed into his work. Just watching him made your heart fill with love, he was beautiful. He always was, but there was just... something about him, when he worked... when he was most confident--and at peace--he was truly something to look at.  ‘And aren’t I just the luckiest, to call him, mine?’ you think to yourself, giddy--as a goofy smile spread across your lips. You might’ve started dating some time ago, but this was the love story of your dreams--nothing could compare, and you’re sure that every moment you share together will be heartrending. ‘I wonder...’  

Your fingers twitch against your cheek, and you blink in realization. Azul’s eyes scanned through the document as fast as he could. While he wasn’t aware enough to realize you were staring at him rather mischievously--he was distinctly aware of your presence, and how close you were to him. You had both been extremely busy. The Headmaster had asked you to look into some matter, while he had got a flood of paperwork regarding Mostro Lounge’s new products. He could feel his heart pound the closer he got to finishing his work. Every paper added to the finished pile, was a second closer to spending time with you.  “Azul~” he yelped as he felt you whisper into his ear, your breath tickled him, and made him flinch. He looked up at you with a beet red face.  “Don’t surprise me like that!” He frantically looked away, as he pretended to be concerned about his paperwork--but really, he could feel the warmth on his cheeks, and he wanted to calm down. He wanted to be cool and collected around you after all. Curse this human body! He had such a difficult time controlling his emotions-- “I don’t really want to spend anymore time on this--”   “Azul~ Did you know, I can hold the world in my hands?”   “Eh? Did you have such an ability?” He turned to look up at you, interested in what you had to say, that is until--he felt your warm hands cup his cheeks gently.  “Like this~ I can hold the world when I do this.” Your eyes crinkled, and your smile was bright and Azul very much wanted to immortalize this moment. That is until your words finally sunk in and any work he tried to think up of, to cool down, didn’t help.  Azul’s face turned bright red, and you would normally be very happy at the fact that he looked pretty pleased too--that is until he blinked rapidly, his eyes getting wet behind his glasses, and the tears began to slide down--  “Oh no, Azul!” you leant down to press a kiss against his tears, and apparently Azul couldn’t handle it anymore. One moment, he was seated in front of you--and in the next moment he disappeared. “Wait, Azul?” you turned your head in confusion, only to see a large, black pot in the corner of the office that you swear wasn’t there before. It was shaking intensely, and you could see tentacles retreating into it.  ‘No way...’ with your mouth falling agape, you also couldn’t help but think ‘how cute! Azul is the cutest!’   “Azul! Is this your octopus pot? It’s so cute! You’re so cute!”  “Stop it!” The pot shook as Azul wailed from inside, “stop it! I can’t calm down!”   “No! It really is cute! Azul! You’re so amazing!” He let out a high pitched sound, but unfortunately for him, you just kept throwing praises despite his desperate begging for you to stop.  This is how the Leech twins find you and Azul. Floyd laughed and Jade smirked when you sheepishly explained what happened to their esteemed leader, which led to another whole round of gentle teasing, with Azul yelling that “I’m never leaving this pot!” 

The three of you take another whole hour to coax your beloved octopus out of the pot and into your arms again. 

--

"That was amazing Kalim!” you clapped your hands at another successful parade. Kalim beamed at you brightly.  “Right? I’m glad you enjoyed it!” Kalim laughed heartily, and you could feel yourself warm at the brilliance of his smile. 

‘Kalim... you know you...’  

If there was someone who has genuinely helped you smile throughout your time in Twisted Wonderland--it would be no one other than Kalim. He was just so... vibrant. Around him--it was easy to forget how worried you were about your family, friends, your own situation. All of that falls away when faced with Kalim’s genuine good cheer and positivity. 

‘That’s why... if I could do something...’ 

“Hey, Kalim?”  

“Hrm?” He looked at you, and you felt your heart melt when you see the way his cheeks puffed up from the food he had eaten (and an idea shapes in your mind at seeing his cheeks). He swallowed, tilting his head, and blinking his bright red eyes at you. ‘Hohhhh my god he’s so adorable...’ “What is it?”  

“You know...” you smiled at him, heart pounding at the thought of what you were about to do. “I can hold the world in my hands.” His eyes sparkled in interest.

“Oooh! Can you? Can you really? Can you do it right now?”  “Sure I can show you.” With that Kalim focused on you, and you couldn’t help giggle when you noticed a single crumb of bread on his cheek. You reached forward, cupped his face, while gently brushing the crumb of bread off of his cheek. He blinked at you in response. 

“Ah... weren’t you going to show me how to hold the world?” 

“Yeah.” your eyes automatically softened at that. “I’m doing it right now.” It takes a second for it to sink in--and you know when it does because the most dazzling smile appears on Kalim’s face. “Awww...” He places his hands above yours, and laces your fingers together. He briefly squeezes your fingers in his own palm, before just as quickly as he held your hands--he reached forward and cupped your cheeks as well. 

“Now, I’m holding my world too.”  He says, in that sweet, cheerful way he does--unaware of how quickly your heart raced at his action. You feel the heat rise to your cheeks, and your hands slip off his face, only to cover your own.

“Ah? Is something wrong?”  

“You’re so unfair Kalim...” you squeaked, “you weren’t supposed to respond like that!” 

“What? Why?” he frowned, as he tried to peer at your face. “Why can’t I tell you the truth? That you are my world as well?” 

“That’s because I wanted to do something for you! Not the other way around!”  you groaned. 

“Ahaha! But you did make me happy!” Kalim clutched your hands, and pulled it from your face so that you could see the sincerity in his eyes. “It makes me even happier that I can tell you--being here, right now... it’s the most wondrous place for you and me.”  

You flushed, pleased.

EXTRA:

“Disgusting.” Jamil declared, his face twisted as he watched the adoring couple from several steps away. He couldn’t hold it for long however, and his lips curled as he watched how happy they were. 

--

Vil was used to praise. 

He was a model after all. You’d seen the way he reacted to praise. When he’s told how beautiful or handsome he is--he would huff, pleased, with his head tilted back slightly, and then he’d say in a ‘tell-me-something-I-don’t-know’ tone “Yes I am.” 

So here you were, figuring out the best way to convey how much you loved him. 

He wasn’t a very physically affectionate person, not even in private. He was just used to looking super amazing all the time--that physical affection can sometimes get in the way of that. Out of respect for his craft, you tried not to be too handsy. 

Through the mirror, Vil meets your gaze underneath long, pale lashes. His lips curl in a delighted smile. 

‘Beautiful.’ You think, ‘And I am so very lucky.’   “Dear one, I know I am beautiful, but you have been staring for quite awhile.” He raised a fine brow. “Is something on your mind?” 

“Oh it’s nothing.” You said, a little absentmindedly. 

“Ohoh? And I’d think if I was on your mind... I wouldn’t be nothing.” He turned his head to look at you, his blonde-lavender hair brushing his shoulders elegantly at his sudden movement.   

“I’m just trying to figure something out.” you murmured softly, as you come closer. Vil turns back to the mirror in response, as he gently begins to fix his hair. You study the way he delicately braids his hair around the crown. 

“I’m all ears, dear one.” he said softly, as he studied himself in the mirror. “What do you think?”  

“Beautiful as ever, of course.”  you said, and he shot you a winning smile--the same sort of smile he’d give a fan. ‘What can I say to him I wonder?’ 

“Hey Vil.” 

“Mhm?” 

“Did you know, that you can hold the world in your hands?” He peers up at you curiously. 

“Are we looking at this metaphorically or literally?” He arched a brow, “because--for example, I can say I hold the world in my hands because of my job as a model.”  

“I mean, I guess you can look at it like that!” You giggle softly, “but no, I mean--literally.” He looks at you curiously.

“Oh? Do tell.” He was about to return to looking at himself in the mirror, when he felt your hands brush his fringe back, and your fingers tremble gently against his jawline. He meets your gaze again, and there’s a certain raw... emotion there that makes him pause. 

“See Vil?” you whisper oh so gently. “I’m holding the world in my hands.” 

His eyes widened briefly at that, before they slide shut, and he tilts his head to press it against your warm hands. Your hands flinch briefly, and his heart flutters--you truly did understand him--you understood how important his job was to him. You didn’t dismiss it as an extreme form of vanity.  You saw it as a part of him, and peacefully just accepted it. 

“Is that what you were thinking about?” He turned his head to press a kiss onto your wrist--where he can feel your pulse rise, his lipstick leaving a stain behind. 

“Yeah. I just really wanted you to know how important you were to me.” You smiled, and he squeezes your hand in turn. 

“Well dear one, I want you to know one thing.” He reaches forward, and strokes your cheek. “You’re very important to me too, so much more than my make up. So I won’t mind this--” he presses your hand against his cheek again. “from time to time, alright?”  Your eyes glitter, and he smiles because he nailed exactly what you wanted to get from this.

“Mhm!” 

--

You pouted as you stared at Idia, who was busy coding a new virtual world program. You had gone to the Ignihyde Dorm in the hopes of spending time with your beau, but instead he was distracted by another virtual world.

I mean--no doubt, he was the cutest, especially when he was super fired up doing something. You once saw him doing his idol dance--and it was just so cute. Even if he desperately begged you to forget it, you kept it as treasured memory. 

“It’s almost done! I can almost hold it in my hands!” he huffed underneath his breath as his tapping intensifies.

‘World... hands...’ An idea comes to mind, and you can’t help the grin that spreads across your face. 

“You know Idia, I can hold the world in my hands.”  

“That’s nice.”  He said, absolutely not hearing you at all. You huffed, before moving closer. 

“Idia.” His rapid tapping continues on, and so does his muttering. So you do the only thing you can do. With great effort, you slink your way under one arm, and pop right in between his arms. 

“Gah! You--! You were here?” Idia gaped up at you, and you sweat dropped in response. 

‘Unbelievable. He was the one who told me to come in when I knocked earlier, and he didn’t even realize it was me?’ You pouted for a second before, you shook your head. Meanwhile, Idia’s face turned pink when he realized how close you were, so he rolled his chair backwards to make more space in between you two. 

“That’s right. I’m here. You’ve been ignoring me Idia.” Idia squawked in surprise. 

“I--uh! I didn’t mean too? I’m sorry?” Idia shifted his head from side to side. “But wait--I need to finish this thing-! I’m almost done! I can physically feel this new world in my hands! It’s going to be e p i c!” 

“Listen to me first! This will only take a moment!” Idia blinked warily, before he nodded.

“I can hold the world in my hands.” Idia squinted at your hands in response. Not seeing anything, he assumes you mean you can code too? His eyes widened at that and he rapidly looked up to your face. 

“Wait, you can code too?”  Then he yelped when your hands cupped his face. You couldn’t help but giggle at his completely gobsmacked expression.

“Tada!~ I’m holding the world in my hands~”

Idia stared at you, frozen, as your words replayed in his head. 

“Idia?” 

‘I’m holding the world in my hands’ 

“Um... hello? Babe are you there?” 

‘holding the world in my hands’ 

“Idia? Hey...” 

‘the world in my hands’

“Hey--you’re worrying me?” 

‘So I just unlock a super important scene wherein the absolute waibando* character just confessed to the mc?’ 

“Hello? Idia.exe?”

‘Hang on Idia, this wasn’t just any waibando character to an mc.’ 

‘Ah. That’s right. They said it to me’ Idia thought, ‘Which means they’re directly telling me that I’m their world.’  Idia nodded to himself, ‘GG. Cool I figured it out.’  

Then it finally, actually dawned on Idia and he promptly combusted into brilliant pink flames.   

“Oh no! Idia!” You yelled, at which point Ortho comes running into the room.

“What happened--oh no!” at the sight of his brother on fire, Ortho adjusted his hand, and blasted his brother with his fire extinguisher function. 

“Luckily brother installed this system to me.” Ortho says, in a very bright tone, and you only sweat dropped in response as Idia yells about “critical hits.”  

--

[*] waibando - a term created by my friend, Val, that combines waifu and husbando which she uses to refer to her favourite characters. because i wanted to maintain gender neutrality, i decided to use waibando instead of specifically waifu or husbando. this can be used interchangeably with husbaifu. credits to my friend, haha, I asked her for permission to use it here~ 

“Woah! So you can do all of that, Bright Eyes?”

Malleus hummed in response, “Indeed I can, little one.” 

The two of you were taking one of your nightly walks around the Ramshackle Dorm, your arm linked around one of his. (Let it be known, that unknown to you--Sebek, Silver and Lilia were actually stalking you several bushes away. It was only Malleus’s occasional dark glare in their direction that kept Sebek away.) 

“Is there anything you can’t do?” You tilt your head as you look at your incredibly tall companion. 

“With magic? Nothing. I have long mastered every single spell.” He shrugged his shoulders in disinterest. Magic was... far from impressive. He didn’t really see it as extraordinary. The only reason he was still speaking about it, was because of that glitter of interest in your eyes. He finds that spark in your eyes fascinating, and he had no qualms in teaching you more. After all, who else is better suited to such a task?

“Well... there has to be something...” you put a finger to your lip in deep thought, and he finds it amusing that you thought such a thing could exist. (In the bushes, Sebek staggers upright to yell a ‘HOW DARE--’ but he’s quickly dragged back, out of sight by Silver and Lilia when they see Malleus’s shoulder twitch in response). When you snap your fingers, Malleus turns his gaze back to you, as you pull away from him briefly.

“I figured it out! The one thing you can’t do~”

“Ohoh? Pray tell what is it?” Malleus tilted his head, and you’re briefly distracted by how pretty he is under moonshine and starlight. “Little one?” 

“Ah yeah! Sorry!” you laugh, and he arched his brow, having a very good idea as to what had gotten you distracted. You were never never very quiet with what you thought--it was fascinating, how much he could read from your expressions. 

“You can’t hold the world.” This time, when Malleus raised a brow, it’s in bemusement. 

“I am certain nobody can do that, little one.”  

“Ah-ah-ah~” You move your finger from side to side, like a metronome. “But I can.” you cupped your hands together. “Take a look... I will hold the world in one... two...” you look up to notice he was still standing completely upright.

‘Well... that won’t do... Can’t reach him.’ 

“Come on Bright Eyes!” you laugh. “You won’t see it if you’re so far away.” You gesture for him to draw closer. He obliges, patiently, as he leans forward to inspect your palms.

“I will hold the world in one... two...” Malleus blinked, “and three~”

Your hands are gently cupping his face, as you grin up at him. 

‘Ah.’ Malleus realized what you were trying to say, and he chuckled softly. 

“Aren’t you simply... amazing.” he murmured gently, as he reached down to pat you on the head. “You continue to surprise me, little one. To think I thought nothing else could do so.” 

“Hehe...” you blushed at his praise, and as you drew your hands back, he grasped onto one, and pressed a kiss against the back of your hands. Your blush brightened at the gesture and he smiled fondly.

‘Little do you know...’ Malleus mused, as you tugged him to continue walking. ‘Someone who holds as much power as I... can destroy the world.’ He glanced at your bright smile, and happy countenance--having not a single ounce of fear for him, despite knowing who he was. ‘Perhaps you do hold the fate of the world in your hands, little one.’  

Extra:

“Sebek... are you okay?” 

“Hnggh!” Sebek bit the handkerchief, and tugged. ‘I wish I could’ve told Lord Malleus he was my world first!’ 

“Ignore him Silver.” 

“Ah...” 

[queerminalminds]

10th doctor x male reader

10 | doctor?

a/n: this is a part 2 to "pet names and cuddles"

y/n: your name

y/n's pov

i shuffle a little in bed, just waking up i move my leg and it hits something. i perk up a little and see there's another figure in my bed. i freak out a little but realize it's the doctor and i smile.

he's still asleep. i thought. i lean over to see his peaceful face while sleeping. he's so beautiful. his breathing is evenly paced, my arm is around his chest and i can feel both of his hearts beating proudly. i mess with his hair a little, trying not to wake him. i decide to get up and get dressed, then realizing i was in the doctor's room, not mine.

i quietly leave the room, giving the doctor a final look before heading to my room. i go and get dressed and head to to the kitchen located down the hall from the doctor and i's room. i get out bowls and pans, i decided that i was gonna make the doctor some eggs, beans and toast. a generic scottish breakfast. since this regeneration is scottish.

it takes about 20 minutes to make all together, i hope the doctor isn't up yet. i put everything on a big plate and bring some juice along with it. i walk slowly to the doctor's room, trying not to drop everything. i enter and see him shuffle in the bed, good timing he's just now waking up. i stand there, not wanting to scare him. he sits up and runs his eyes then looks up at me.

"oh y/n."

"hi doctor, i brought you some breakfast. im not really that good at cooking though." i handed him the plate along with the juice.

"y/n, you didn't need to do this for me." he says as he looks down at the food.

"i like spoiling you, i just felt like giving you breakfast in bed today." i reply and sit down next to him.

"what is this stuff?" he asks.

"it's a generic scottish breakfast, eggs, toast and beans." i explain.

"what's scottish?" he tilts his head and i laugh.

"it's the accent you have silly." i giggle.

"yes, right that. sorry i was blanking out a little." he shakes his head a little and runs a hand through his messy hair. i stare at him with a concerned look.

"doctor are you alright?" i ask and he doesn't reply, in fact he doesn't even look up from his food.

"babe?" i whisper, you can hear the concern in my voice. he finally looks up.

"huh?" he says.

"are you sure you're alright? you didn't answer me when i said your name." i put my hand on his shoulder and he leans his head down to rub against my hand.

"you said babe and i answered you though?" he tilts his head again.

"no your real name, doctor." i say.

"right yeah that's my name doctor?" he asks.

"ok somethings definitely wrong with you." i say as i put my hand up against his forehead. his forehead seemed kind of warm and i frowned and stood up and left the room.

"y/n where are you going?" he asks as i leave, i don't answer him and i walk up the stairs to the tardis console.

"god i wish you could speak tardis." i said as my hand ran along the console.

"somethings wrong with the doctor, he doesn't even remember his own name. he only responds to pet names i give him." i ramble to the tardis, knowing i won't get an answer in return. suddenly i heard the tardis wheeze and the tardis shook, like we were moving.

the tardis eventually stopped and i walked towards the door, a bit scared on what i will find. i open the door and we are outside of an apartment complex. i took in my surroundings and saw a blonde girl running towards me. i shut the door so she couldn't see inside.

"no way! how? how can he be back? doctor?" she asked me and i looked at her in disbelief.

"uh im not a doctor sorry." i say nervously and scratch my head.

"but this is the tardis. are you the doctor's new companion?" she asked, she seemed to know a lot about the doctor.

"how do you so much about the doctor?" i asked.

"im rose tyler, i was the doctor's companion once. but how did you get here? this is an alternative earth. it's almost impossible to get here." she explains.

"oh yeah he's talked to me about you." i say and she smiles.

"really? it's been years for me since i've seen the doctor."

"hey rose!" a familiar voice calls out from behind her. she turns around and i see him, the doctor, but it wasn't him. he was wearing different clothes. not his usual attire, otherwise he looks the exact same.

"doctor?" i ask and stare at him.

"who are you?" he asks and he grabs rose's hand.

"i-im y/n." i introduce my self and i shake his hand.

"nice to meet you y/n." he says and smiles, god that smile, the same.

"how-" i start and rose cuts me off.

"long story but he isn't your doctor. he has 1 heart, he's human." she explained and i nodded trying to follow along.

"why are you here anyways? and where's the doctor?" she asked and my mood went from confused to upset.

"im not sure, the tardis took us here all by herself." i replied shrugging.

"but there's um, something wrong with him. he doesn't remember his own name. but i, i call him by pet names and he responds with those but not his own name." i explained and rose giggled a bit.

"let's see if we can help shall we?" the other doctor asks leading us to the door of the tardis. i open the door and we all enter.

we head back down to his room and i tell them to say outside so he doesn't get freaked out by seeing himself and rose. he told me that he loved rose and it still has me jealous.

"hey handsome?" i say in more of a question and he turns around from whatever he's doing and smiles and runs over to me.

"y/n!" he exclaims and embraces me tightly. i smile and look behind me, seeing rose just giving me a wink and a thumbs up, rolling my eyes i look back to the doctor.

"you still feeling okay?" i ask and he nods.

"never been better? who's with you?" he looks around me and his eyes widen.

"ive seen you before haven't i!" he says and points at rose.

"it's me doctor. it's rose." she says softly and walks towards the doctor.

"i-i don't know a rose..." the doctor stutters and backs up a little towards his bed. rose stops heading towards him and backs up towards her human doctor.

"y/n- why does that guy look like me?" he breathes heavily and i sit down on his bed and force him to sit. i put my hand against his chest to feel both of his hearts beating way too fast.

"he's like your doppelgänger baby, it's fine." i explain and i feel his hearts beat slow down and he sighs loudly.

"y/n, now i do feel kind of weird. my head feels all fuzzy." he says quietly so the other doctor and rose can't hear.

i curse quietly at myself and stand up and pace around the room, fingers yanking at my hair.

"y/n come here for a second." rose says and i stomp over to her.

"sorry im not mad at you, just myself." i apologize.

"not your fault. when did this thing all start?" she asks.

"earlier this morning, i made him breakfast in bed." i answer.

"what did you make him?"

"eggs, toast and beans." i say and rose and the other doctor look at each other.

"beans are evil. i don't like beans." the doctor says and that confuses me.

"beans are sometimes bad yeah but is something wrong with them?"

"why did he eat the beans?" rose asks quietly to herself.

"do beans do something to the doctor?" i ask, very confused.

"they kind of twist up the doctor's mind when eaten, he must've not been paying attention to what he was eating i suppose." rose states.

"hold on, is this even possible?"

"yes, it's very possible y/n." the other doctor replies.

"how do we fix him? i really need my old doctor back."

"y/n are you coming back?! i want cuddles!" the doctor yells from inside his room.

"cuddles eh?" rose smirks.

"another time, please? we have bigger problems here." i beg and she nods.

"the only way to restart our system is through drinking some sort of vinegar, doesn't really matter what kind. it's bloody terrible though." the doctor says.

i walk back into the room and quickly grab the doctor’s arm and drag him out of the room.

“y/n, what are you doing?” he asks as i drag him over to the kitchen. luckily we have apple cider vinegar in the cabinet. i poured a little into a cup and gave it to him to drink.

“what’s this?” he asks as he studies the liquid.

“it’s apple juice.” i lie as he immediately downs the drink and starts coughing and then he practically passes out on the ground. i quickly grab the cup before it hits the ground so it doesn’t break.

a couple seconds later the doctor sits up and looks around.

“y/n? what are we doing in the kitchen? weren’t we just in my room?” he asks and stands up.

“doctor?”

“yes?” he replies and turns around and scratches his head.

“you’re back. thank god. rose it worked!” i yell down the hall.

“rose!?” the doctor shouts and he runs towards the direction where i yelled to. i quickly follow behind, back to his room.

“they must’ve snuck out.” i say to myself.

“why did you say rose? like rose tyler? what happened?” he asks frantically, in a state of panic.

“calm down doctor you’re fine, you just had some bad food earlier.” i say gently.

“it was pretty tasty, you’re a good cook y/n.” he winks and runs up to the tardis console.

“hey doctor! you’re still in your pajamas!” i yell and he comes running back down and into his room.

“thank you!” he yells on the way down and i laugh as he gets dressed.

a/n: summary of this is, beans are evil.

[baubaes]

hi! is there a chance for Jemily with no22? some angst maybe? cheers🤗

Well hello to you to! And of course there is!

@thatonecurlygirl prompt list 22

“I can’t give you what you want.”

Ship: Emily Prentiss x Jennifer Jareau

Word count: 5,4k

Genre: angst/hurt/fluff/very very light nsfw? i have no clue how to label this

Warnings: mentions of violence, death, injuries, classic criminal minds vibes :^)))

Summary: "Right now, Emily Prentiss was dead. She, however, was on a plane to Paris." aka JJ taking care of staked Emily, the blackbird flashback and events around it.

A/N: i thought of way too many scenarios when even though Emily and JJ are literally in love, it could never work out. here's one of them :^) i hope you'll enjoy it!! xx ana apparently i just can't imagine a scenario in which these characters could have a peaceful, quiet and happy life, im so sorry

Emily felt drained.

She was all hurting, really bad, her head was killing her, not only from the beating she received those several days ago, but also the mere stress of all this.

It was pretty baffling for her to realize that she survived this whole ordeal.

She couldn’t say for how long she was out; it felt both like a blink of an eye and an eternity.

And she really thought that she died, when she eventually lost consciousness in Morgan’s arms. That still felt like ages ago.

It was all really confusing, but then again, she couldn’t spare too much of her strength to dwell on what actually happened. Emily just felt too weak to try to keep her eyes open for too long and that resulted in her reality being pretty much scattered.

When she woke up in a hospital room, she was dazed and overwhelmed. They’ve put her on some strong painkillers after the surgery and most of the time right then felt like a blur. She thought she heard some voices in her dream, maybe doctors, maybe… Was it JJ?

She heard bits and pieces of conversations, somebody commenting on her condition in a low voice, nervous footsteps circling around the room, the dimmed rhythmical sounds of all the equipment she was hooked to, some sort of buzzing and a one sided conversation that had to be a phone call.

Was it just some bizarre dream?

A way for her subconscious mind to cope with the anxiety surrounding the recent events?

Whether it was real or not, it let her stay in this state of slumber brought to her through an IV drip.

Despite all that, she felt really grateful. She wasn’t sure where to channel this gratitude though;

Her team for backing her up?

The doctors for patching her up in the OR?

God, for allowing her to continue her existence?

Then again, she wasn’t sure if the last one existed, nor that the almighty entity would waste its time on making sure little old her survives.

It was comforting though, that her last moments on this Earth managed not to be spent with Doyle, even if that was against her will, so in theory, she didn’t have much of control over this.

Memories of him were a combination of ones that she’s made as Emily Prentiss and ones that she’s made as Lauren Reynolds. As Emily, it consisted of all those moments when he threatened her and her team, he kidnapped her, tortured her, nearly killed her…

As Lauren she was able to saw his more… Humane side.

Lauren was his girlfriend. Lauren lived with him,

Lauren shared her joys and fears with him. Lauren loved him.

But that was Lauren.

She wasn’t real. An identity, that’s all that she was.

And even though Emily tried to convince herself that Lauren’s feelings were perfectly compartmentalized away from her own, deep down she knew she was lying to herself.

Was Doyle ever somebody she actually loved?

She definitely despised him, but it felt like now she was obligated to despise even her own self for ever having feelings for this monster. Positive ones anyway.

Right now, Emily Prentiss was dead.

She, however, was on a plane to Paris.

It was all coordinated by Hotchner and JJ.

Nobody else knew.

Her team, her friends, her loved ones were about to attend her funeral in a few days.

She imagined confused look on Spencer’s face, Garcia’s eyes filled with tears, Morgan frowning and looking away. Would Rossi be sad, or would he finally feel relieved to be ridded of her impulsiveness and comments on literally everything?

She imagined her mother, who obviously was not on it, throwing a pile of soil on the coffin. That would not hold her body inside. Would she cry? Would she stay composed even at a funeral of her only child? Well, again, it wasn’t real real, but she wouldn’t be able to realize that.

For some reason, she figured JJ would’ve taken it upon herself to feel guilty, despite knowing what was going on.

They both knew it was the only way to make it all work.

Emily worried about everyone, but there were two people she worried about the most. Spencer and Penelope.

They both were incredibly strong, but she couldn’t be sure how would they deal with this.

She worried, since Reid did not cope well with losing authorities. And even if he would never admit it to her face, she knew that he looked up to her.

The thought of that made her feel the bile appear on the back of her throat.

That kid has lost so many people already… And he internalized all that, it had to be weighing on him every single day. It felt cruel to add another person to that list.

She had to keep thinking about the bigger picture to even remotely be able to deal with all that.

Now Garcia was somebody that Emily truly loved.

It was hard to imagine her being sad over her „death”.

Not because of the probability of the blonde being sad,

rather the severity of her grieving, Emily would imagine.

Penelope was one of those people who were able to feel so much, maybe even too much sometimes.

And on a daily basis it was wonderful. That’s what’s made her such an incredible, empathetic human being, who, despite their job, was still able to not only - be cheerful, but to cheer others up as well.

When she thought of that, it felt as if her heart could break to million pieces.

It was strange, how in that moment she should still feel the pain;

They’ve stabilized her after the surgery, but there were still bruises on her face, stitches across her abdomen, burnt skin on her chest. And she did feel it, but it was blurred, far away.

The feeling that made her grasp reality to the point of hyperawareness was the emotional pain.

Somehow she was able to compare it to the pain of being staked.

She still wasn’t sure what was a proper emotional response in that situation.

It wasn’t in the manual, or in training, despite people having to go… Well, faking your own death was like going undercover, in a way.

Both at the Interpol and the FBI, nobody taught her how to feel, while pretending to be dead.

She knew how to make it happen technically, more or less. After all, Lauren had already died. Her old team, JTF-12, was able to pull that off those several years ago. Including her of course.

But that was Lauren. An identity, which, sure, she’s been tied to for quite some time, living as her, acting like her, becoming her in a way.

Still, just an identity.

Right now, there wasn’t a disguise, an identity to toss away, allowing her to come back to her regular life.

Right now her regular life was supposed to cease to exist.

Before, she thought about her goal and the fact, that she survived. She was grateful, in some way she felt obligated to take care of Declan and she wouldn't be able to do that, if she was actually dead, right?

Even though she knew that she had no right to feel attached to the boy as much as she did, she just couldn’t help it. The image of him as a toddler, walking around the room in Doyle’s house stuck in her head. She couldn’t shake it off. And even before Doyle found her, that image caused her to have problems with falling asleep from time to time.

Emily never seriously thought of herself becoming a mother, for that role to be the main purpose of her life. She was afraid of screwing her potential children up, because she knew that even if she meant well, it wouldn’t guarantee them turning out okay. And her line of work made it impossible to both realistically approach the idea of maternity - she didn’t have a partner and if she were to be a single mother - it would be impossible to keep up with the BAU - that job was just too demanding; but also she saw so many downright evil, just unimaginable things that people were capable of doing to one another. How could she ever be able to shield a child from that?

Suddenly, all these ridiculous, small things that she wouldn’t think twice about made her feel as if each and every part of her life was just slipping through her fingers, right there, right then.

That one window in her apartment, the one with the wide windowsill, she loved to sit on it and watch the sky. Sergio would curl up in her lap or right next to her, on the windowsill, quietly purring, when she would pet his black fur. It didn’t happen often, because most nights she'd come home so exhausted, all she could basically do was just pass out on her bed. And Sergio would sleep on a pillow right next to her, despite Emily's promises to herself that she will teach him to stop, because she'd wake up covered in his fur with a runny nose.

But when she had a chance to do that, it made her mind stop racing, at least for a few minutes. That barely ever happened anywhere else.

Now she realized that Sergio was alone in her apartment and she panicked. But just for a second, because then she remembered JJ in the hospital, telling her that Penelope took him in. Of course she did. He'd definitely be surrounded with love. She wished she could've just taken him with her though, since she's already been missing him. Silly little fur ball, making her fall in love with him gradually. Penelope wouldn't be able to resist his charm for sure, she thought to herself, smiling. Still, she felt really sad.

Emily realized that she’s left so many things behind.

She didn’t think of herself as someone intensively attached to material possessions, but all these had a sentimental value for her and that was the only thing that mattered.

The thoughts invading her head were random, coming to her without any particular sense or order, falling on her mind like an avalanche.

And she thought about that crumpled up picture, capturing her with her friends when she was a teenager, back in Rome.

A cross, that her mother gave her on her first communion. She wasn’t ever really wearing it, but she liked knowing that it was safely tucked away in one of the drawers in her closet. It brought her some strange kind of comfort.

A box with letters she’d exchange with her father when she was a kid, because even though they moved around together as a family, he still would have assignments all around the world. So he would leave for a single weekend, or for several months at a time. No matter how long or short was he leaving for, he’d always try and send her a postcard, hence the collection of them, both from huge cities in Europe and Asia and tiny places she’s never even heard of before in America or Australia.

Maybe she wasn’t going through this box ritually on some settled schedule, but every once in a while she would look at those tacky pictures of touristy little towns, as well as simple, beautiful pictures of great historical monuments or watercolored landscapes of picturesque countrysides. And they'd make the corners of her lips rise up just a tiny bit.

All that with a couple words reading simple greetings, scribbled in a hurry, in her dad’s small, not exactly neat handwriting, on the back of each and every one of them.

„Love you, Dad” summed up every single message.

And looking at those words made her feel warmth, both now and when she was a little girl. Her father wasn’t very talkative and he rarely told her he loved her unprompted. So she got used to reading these words, instead of hearing them from him.

She cherished these postcards and anytime she’d go through them, she noticed some kind of feeling spread throughout her body, that felt like pure joy, but also love and safety.

Kurt Vonnegut’s "Sirens of Titan".

Morgan lent it to her a few months ago.

The book was by her bed, bookmarked with some crumpled receipt for groceries she’d found at the bottom of her purse, when she'd had to suddenly break away from Rumfoord and Kazak on the jet.

She’s read it before, truth be told, (in Italian and back in the ’80s), but Morgan insisted that she just had to read the original version. And even though there was a stack of books she wanted to read going back at least two years sitting on her bedroom floor, dangerously leaning against the radiator, the day she brought it home, she placed the Sirens on the very top of her bedside table, instead of the stack.

She’d imagine Morgan would appreciate that gesture.

Morgan, her partner.

Morgan, who held her before she passed out.

Morgan, who always had her back.

And she tried to do the same for him in the field.

He’s saved her ass countless times.

Emily wished she could have had his back right now.

She realized with a paralyzing fear that it could last forever.

Doyle could lay low, undetected for years.

Would it keep Morgan up at night?

Would he blame himself, wondering?

If he'd gotten to her seconds earlier, if he had only ran faster, if he’d found her sooner, would it change anything?

Thinking about that made her fists clench suddenly.

If she had any fingernails left, they would surely dig into the skin of her palms very painfully right now.

Emily felt this overwhelming guilt filling her chest, making her throat feel as if it was closing, her teeth grit.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe, as if the jet’s cabin had become decompressed and she couldn't reach the oxygen mask.

"You’re doing okay?"

She heard the soft and calming voice of her only companion on this flight, naturally besides the pilot.

JJ was looking at her with those big, worried, blue eyes and even though Emily’s first instinct was to nod, as she did just that, she felt her eyes watering.

"I can't stand the thought of all of them grieving over a lie."

She mumbled out.

"Emily, you know that this is the only way. We’d never make them go through this, if there were any other options. They will understand."

JJ’s voice became more firm with the last sentence, she was obviously in a mind space reserved for dealing with crisis.

"I really thought that was it, you know?"

Emily asked, a little startled at the sound of her own voice.

She couldn’t recall the last time she’s held an actual conversation with another person, one that wouldn’t consist of barely understandable mumbling as a form of communication on her end.

"There came that point, where the pain went away, I guess I went into shock. I heard Morgan’s voice and I wanted to keep my eyes open like he told me to so bad, but I just couldn’t. I felt like I was slipping away and it felt so… Easy. I wasn’t scared at all. I… I knew you guys would take care of Declan, if I wasn’t around. And that all of you would be okay."

She said, trying to piece together everything that happened.

"And apparently I've coded in the ambulance? I had no idea, but some glimpses are coming back to me, slowly. But it was like I’d fallen asleep."

She added, her face reflecting her mind in a state of deep contemplation.

Her thoughts were interrupted by JJ’s voice.

"Thank God, you didn’t…"

Emily only now noticed that with every word that she spoke, JJ’s eyes became more and more glossy. She frowned.

"Hey, I’m here."

She leaned in and smiled faintly.

"Its gonna take way more than some branding and a little stake for you to get rid of me."

JJ laughed, wiping the tears away, before they had a chance to flow down her cheeks.

"Why would I ever want to get rid of you?"

Blonde asked, her voice now soft, her expression puzzled.

Emily felt something strange in her chest.

At first her brain assumed it had to be her burnt skin and damaged nerve endings, but no.

It felt nice, it wasn’t painful.

That warmth, spilling around her insides.

She didn’t have a witty comeback to her question. She wanted to think it was because of the meds making her hazy, but she wasn’t sure anymore. She just looked down at her chest and frowned again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The first thing I’m doing, when we get to Paris is having this removed."

She heard her own voice.

"How could a brand hurt more than getting staked?"

"Maybe it’s a psychosomatic itch you’re scratching? The brand left an emotional toll, Doyle established dominance over you by marking you as his, a stake… I mean you overcame death. The ultimate victory over your foe. Why suffer a pain you’re proud of?"

JJ wondered, actually trying to analyze all that. She looked at her, now amused.

"Or you could always get another tattoo."

Emily laughed at that. JJ continued.

"You know, something transformative? Like a… A phoenix. Or a blackbird."

"I love the song."

Emily said.

"But something tells me, I shouldn’t tread in your waters."

JJ looked at her with a questioning look.

"Come on, JJ. Something’s obviously different about you. You commandeered an Interpol jet. You’re profiling me."

JJ looked down and sighed. Emily continued.

"Why didn’t you say your transfer was a backstop?"

At that JJ’s expression turned to a confused one, indicating that what the other woman said was the truth.

"Oh, I know that look. The 'I can’t trust anyone, but myself' look. I invented it."

Emily added, trying to make it sound funny, but ultimately, it still came out serious, because it was true. JJ smiled at her slightly, but she looked sad.

"Do you ever feel like you’re in way over your head?" Emily nodded, wanting her to continue.

"I got assigned to an information hunt. Instead, I am chasing an unsub, who killed my informant."

"What would Hotch tell you to do?" Emily asked without hesitation. That’s how she found her way around during any investigation, ever since she joined the BAU.

"Focus on victimology, let behavior lead the way…"

JJ listed out loud.

"Exactly. Who did your unsub kill?"

"The one person I was getting through to."

"Why?"

Emily continued with her questions, seeing that they initiated JJ’s thought process.

"Because I was getting through to…" JJ said, frowning.

"I was getting through to her. What if she was about to expose her killer? Someone on the inside…"

Emily could tell that JJ needed somebody else to look at her situation and see it in from a different angle. JJ got really pensive, her eyes glued to some nonexistent point in space.

"It sounds like it's time for you to be the blackbird and flip the script." Emily said slowly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I guess it does." JJ said with a tiny smile, before getting up.

"Hey, why won’t you try and sleep at least a while? We won’t be landing for several hours, so…"

"Right. You should try and sleep too. I’ve been in a coma, so I caught some Zs, when you think about it. Medically induced ones, but still. You on the other hand must be exhausted."

Emily’s face was covered in grey, purple and yellow spots, but JJ’s face, even though not bruised, still indicated that she had a rough couple of days. She had bags under her eyes, her cheeks pale, instead of slightly flushed like they normally were, her face tired.

They both looked quite miserable.

JJ just smiled in response, but her eyes weren’t a part of that smile. Her eyes stayed sad.

She walked to another seat, so she could try and lie down.

Emily wanted to let JJ rest, because she suspected that by suggesting sleeping, she actually had an excuse to take a nap herself, even if it was supposed to last only few minutes. She deserved a good night sleep, Emily thought to herself, watching the blonde struggling to find a comfortable position. When she eventually succeeded, Prentiss leaned back in her own seat, looking out the window. Her chest was still burning, but she wouldn’t even flinch. Her eyes, almost independently from her will, landed on the other woman every couple of minutes. She watched JJ’s chest move rhythmically, until her breathing became really deep and really steady and she was without a doubt asleep.

She knows what’s happening,

Emily thought to herself.

And so does Hotchner.

Yet, they’re going to have to look at the rest being in pain and they’re going to have to pretend that they’re going through the same thing.

And when she thought about Hotch, it wasn’t that hard to imagine.

He would keep himself perfectly composed in pretty much any situation she ever saw him in.

He was able to calculate his next move without showing as much as a microexpression.

It could be a little unsettling sometimes, but then again when he was surrounded by his family, when he was with Jack, he would expose this softer and loving side of himself. Just a bit. It was quite the view.

Emily had no doubt that he was a good father. And a good man.

He really was great at planning, thinking ahead like no one else;

he had his way of smoothly dealing with issues that inevitably came up during their investigations.

All those things made him an incredible section chief.

Emily was certain that she could trust him with her life. And she did.

It would be hard for anyone to keep such a burdening secret from people you are constantly around.

Eventually, you could start believing the lie, but that also took dedication. It was even harder when you had to lie to people that were actually a part of your life, people that you were close to.

It’s one thing to be undercover and to keep a secret from people you’re trying to infiltrate. During such operations it felt justified to do that, choosing the lesser evil, the end justify the means and all that.

It’s a completely different thing to do that to your friends and family.

"The secret to getting away with lying is believing with all your heart. That goes for lying to yourself even more so than lying to another."

A quote by the author Elizabeth Bear, that she's memorized from reading her New Amsterdam series more than once. She was repeating it in her mind, not being able to stop.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in. She knew that they made the right call. Still, it was just devastating, thinking what they voluntarily sentenced themselves to.

She tried to calm herself down with proper breathing. It helped.

Emily finally decided to try to sleep. She thought that since she was still medicated, she’d pass out easily, but that didn’t happen.

Every time she closed her eyes, she saw faces of her team members. She felt like her chest was being crushed. Breathing didn't really help.

After what felt like forever of forcing herself to fall asleep without any luck, she opened her eyes and just kept them open. She focused her gaze on what was behind the window.

The clouds, barely visible in the navy skies.

She didn’t do it on purpose, but she realized that she started to dissociate.

And she let herself do it.

The numbness felt better than the stinging guilt.

She didn’t really register it, but tears left her eyes, falling on her lashes and cheeks, as her deep, dark eyes focused on the navy color in front of her, forty thousand feet above the ground.

She couldn’t tell how long it took, but only JJ’s turning in her sleep, simultaneously throwing a bag off the seat made Emily come back to reality. Blonde didn’t wake up. She looked really peaceful.

She thought about not seeing her for God knows how long. It stung, to a point of her gasping. Afraid, that maybe that could’ve woken her up, Emily wiped her tears away, but JJ’s eyes stayed closed. And these intrusive thoughts came back to roam inside her head.

Sure, JJ wouldn’t be with the BAU now, since she’s had that informant operation, but no doubt, she would still see them. They were a huge part of her life after all.

Emily watched her face, calm and soft, imaging it twisted in pain and grief, having to pretend one of their own was dead.

In her mind, JJ was one of the strongest people she knew. She was persistent, hardworking and incredibly professional, but she was also kind, nurturing and very loyal.

What she was doing for her at this very moment proved it perfectly.

She knew that JJ accepted her part in this plan on her own and if she were to start trying to talk her out of it (never mind that it was also too late for that at this point), she wouldn’t change her mind. To be fair, if they switched places, she would do the same for JJ, but still, she couldn’t stop worrying about the woman sleeping on a seat across from her.

Emily watched her friend and it brought her some sort of comfort, a feeling of safety.

She finally dozed off, trying not to think, but focused on JJ’s steady breathing instead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Emily, we’ll be landing in about an hour."

She heard, opening her eyes, and she saw JJ standing in front of her, one of her hands on her shoulder.

"I thought you’d like to change before the transfer."

Emily’s hand landed on top of hers, holding both of them on her shoulder.

"Oh, right. Thank you, I…" she looked down at their hands, trying to focus. "We’ll have to say goodbye soon, right?" she blurted out, looking back at her face.

JJ sighed and sat down right next to her, not taking her hand away, but instead, intertwining their fingers and resting both their hands in Emily’s lap.

"Well, it seems so."

She smiled, but her eyes were reddened, filling with tears once again.

Emily’s gaze was glued to their hands, watching JJ’s wrist and fingers, so delicate right now, but perfectly capable of throwing a good punch. Her eyes stopped at the ring on her finger; Henry’s birthstone. She felt that strange feeling again, that warmth spreading throughout her body.

"It’s not going to last forever. We will find Doyle."

JJ mumbled out and Emily held her breath.

"I know, but… I will miss you so much."

Emily said, before instinctually putting her arms around blonde’s waist, to which she responded with wrapping her arms around her neck. JJ tried to be gentle, because of Emily’s condition, but brunette only held her tighter.

They were so close right now, that she could hear the other woman’s heartbeat. It was slightly elevated.

JJ pulled back just a little, so she could look at her face.

"I will miss you as well." she whispered, their eyes laid on each other.

JJ said the next sentence so quietly, that Emily could barely hear it.

"You’re very special to me, you know that?"

Emily wouldn’t be able to logically explain why she did what she did next, but somehow her hands ended up on both sides of JJ’s face and she leaned in, placing her lips on blonde’s ones.

She wasn’t thinking, but as she kissed her, the other woman immediately kissed her back. Emily felt soft palms cupping her face, her eyes closed. That kiss was filled with so much pain and longing and some kind of desperation.

But it made her whole body fill up with that warmth.

Emily wasn’t even sure what that was, so she tried to be gentle. She ended up kissing JJ in a somewhat shy manner, yet the other agent was deepening the kiss with each second, making it more and more passionate. Emily felt her back hitting the wall and a moan left her throat, captured by the kiss. JJ reacted by slowing down, moving her fingers across her face, running them through her hair. Emily was still cupping JJ’s face, her skin felt so soft and warm under her fingers when she brushed them across her cheeks. Their tongues slowly swirling around one another, this time Emily caused JJ to gasp, as she bit her lower lip. She responded with kissing brunette even more eagerly, so Emily brushed her fingers along her neck, resting them on her shoulders. One of her hands was caressing the skin covering JJ’s collarbone. At that she sighed, barely audibly, but Emily caught it. Her fingers moved towards the skin covering her breastbone.

JJ suddenly pulled back and broke the kiss, leaving both of them breathing heavily, blood flowing through their cheeks and lips.

Emily placed her hands back on JJ’s shoulders, she didn’t mean to make her feel uncomfortable.

Finally, after what felt like forever, she broke the silence.

"JJ, I…" she didn’t even know what to say. It wasn’t right. She had a loving husband, a family. She didn’t mean to ruin it for her.

"We don’t have to talk about this." she said quickly and Emily felt strange. She took her hands off of her shoulders and leaned back, so there was space between them.

"I… Dont… Look, if we won’t see each other for…"

She started, but her voice broke, when she realized what expression showed up on JJ’s face.

Regret.

Emily felt so many contradicting things in that moment, that she basically froze. JJ was looking away.

"You went through something traumatic, we all did. It’s only natural to crave human contact then. And it can present itself in many different ways. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s fine."

"JJ, it means… It means everything for me."

Emily choked out, placing her hand on top of blonde’s. JJ turned her hand, so she could squeeze Emily’s one between her fingers.

She smiled looking at their hands, but only for a fraction of a second. And then she took her hand away, only to look Emily straight in her eyes. She seemed sad, but also… Agitated.

"I can’t give you what you want, Emily." she said quickly, getting up.

"There’s too many reasons why. And… You have to leave."

JJ stated, sort of matter-of-factly.

Emily couldn’t really comprehend what just happened. But all of the pain, both physical and mental suddenly came back, not dimmed anymore.

This was… This wasn’t the time for this. Come on, Emily, it’s time to compartmentalize again. You used to be so good at this!

Well, before joining the team anyway.

"We’re landing in 15. You have to change, definitely cover up these bruises at least a bit." JJ continued talking, her voice morphing back to that task-oriented tone. She was taking clothes and makeup out of the bags, handing the items to her. "Hurry."

Emily felt like she couldn’t move, but she forced herself to get up and do what she needed to. They weren’t looking at each other and even though she wanted to scream, she kept perfectly quiet.

Compartmentalize. It’s not the time. It didn’t mean anything.

They landed and after JJ made sure that the right person was waiting outside to drive Emily to a safehouse, she stood in front of her and hugged her. Emily wasn’t really expecting that right now, since the atmosphere was so tense.

"I will miss you, no matter what." JJ whispered and even though Emily was so stunned from the pain and all around confused, she knew they couldn’t part without a proper goodbye.

"Thank you, for everything. Take care of them." Emily said and she embraced her tightly, one last time. Emily wanted to say that she’ll miss her like crazy, but it felt both like too much and not enough.

She didn’t want to let them turn this into a final goodbye.

"Of course. I will see you soon, okay?" JJ smiled and Emily smiled back. It wasn’t the best forced smile, but she just couldn’t do better in that moment.

"Goodbye, Jennifer." she said sounding way too official, taking a first step out.

"Goodbye, Emily."

Prentiss turned away and quickly made her way to the parked car.

She saw JJ’s face one last time through the tiny window.

The car left the landing strip and disappeared in the night.

„Goodbye, Emily.” she thought to herself, as she caught her own reflection in the side mirror.

„Goodbye, Emily.”

JJ whispered, placing a red rose on the coffin.

[wyn-n-tonic]

Golden, Like Daylight -- Part V

Word Count: 2,005 Warnings: PTSD. Allusions to sex (it borders on the edge of smut but we should know by now I'm shit at that). Hint of a praise kink. Bit of marking kink. Death. Ben Affleck. Author's Note: The last few chapters have taken a lot out of me, I put a lot of my own experiences with PTSD and mental health into them. I tried to make this fluffy, I needed that comfort after a hard week and I feel lighter for it. As always, thank you so much for your kind words and loving this like I do.

MASTERLIST | PART: I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX

“Fuck you.” Benny stares straight into Tom’s eyes. "This is my fuck you money.” The held breaths are louder than gunshots, waiting for a reaction that doesn’t come.

Cold Camp Davis grunts a laugh, “We don’t have enough men to carry all this money so we might as well be warm.”

Benny giggles like a child as he grabs a strap, zippo clicking to ignition again.

The laughter that bubbles up is like a light, warmer than the thousands of dollars burning bright against his eyes.

Frankie, you might as well take your salary out on the front lawn and pour some kerosene on it.

He hears it so clearly in his head and in his heart, Leah teasing him for all the lights being on the first time he took her home.

Tom stands up, dumping an entire case down to tinder in the cold air.

Eight dates in and she’d already witnessed one of his attacks. It was the third date, he’d wanted to take her home that night. His body on hers for hours. Wanted to make breakfast the next morning, having already committed to memory the way she takes her coffee. Instead, she spent that night holding tightly to his hands as his panic crescendoed in the backseat of his car.

If it wasn’t then that he realized he loved her, it was in the way she turned to look at him when he quietly said,

The lights being on make me feel safe.

It wasn’t pity, like he’s used to. It wasn’t the look somebody gives a broken man with a broken mind and a broken soul. The only change he found in the already soft features was an understanding behind the dark eyes staring back at him.

This fire makes him feel safe now.

He’s always straining in the dark. It’s not just about watching his six. It’s all twelve hands on deck with two eyes and a ringing in his ears so intense he can feel it in his toes.

But here? It beats back against the edges of gloom that have continuously threatened to consume him.

He can sweep enclosed spaces in minutes, assess the situation and the danger within. It’s a lot harder in the extended wilds, nothing but the moon to guide the eye.

Before Leah—and for a while there after—he combed room for room upon his arrival home. He’d ask her to stay in the car, his conceal carry coming out as soon as the door would swing open.

He’d sheepishly grin, collecting her from the passenger side after his survey and she’d hug him. Holding tightly around his middle section, pressing her cold hands up under his shirt to that hot place where his heart beats and whisper with genuine gratitude,

Thank you for protecting me, Frankie.

It was never condescending, that’s all he ever wanted to do. Protect her. Protect himself. Protect the men giggling like schoolboys around him right now.

And he liked being told what a good job he did at that. —————

“What's Frankie short for?” Barely audible, her breath fanning across his chest as she continues to catch it. Like willing waves of normalcy in the aftermath of a hurricane.

“Francisco.”

“Francisco,” she repeats, dragging out the o. “Do you like it?”

“Used to make me feel like I was in trouble, very harsh coming from pissed off higher ups and even angrier parents but it sounds…” he thinks on that for a second, the events of the night still rippling through his body, “a lot sweeter in your mouth.”

“Watch yourself,” she hums a kiss into the flat plane of his breast before sinking her teeth into the flesh there, biting as hard as she can.

A chuckle vibrates from deep within him, “one hell of a bite too, I won’t soon forget.”

He looks down into her eyes, bright with mischief as she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth now. He’d had hickeys before but never like this. He surveys the purple marks across his body, somehow burning brighter than the rest of him, and a contentedness pools in the pit of his stomach. Her stamps on him in easily hidden spaces to match the lipstick stains she’s started marking across his right cheek in the moments before they walk into the bar or the restaurant.

Little ways she says mine.

And he is hers. He knows it in the steady way his lungs rise and fall underneath her now.

He brushes a soft wave from where it tickles across her nose, “is Leah short for anything?”

Her nose scrunches, “not a goddamn thing.”

“Do you know what it means then?” His large hand is sprawled across her lower back, the weight of it an anchor.

Don’t leave me, it says.

“I don’t know,” she drawls, the slight twang coming forward in moments of exhaustion and inebriation, “just think my mama liked the sound of it is all.”

His heart is blazing underneath her cheek as she settles against him once more, her soft voice tumbles towards him, “Francisco…” as her eyelashes brush against his skin and he swears he can count them all on sensation alone.

“Yeah, baby?”

He feels a smile tug at her lips, stopped in its tracks where she’s rooted into him. It’s the first time he’s called her that.

“I have nightlights.”

The light makes her feel safe too. —————

He’s standing over Tom’s body and he hates to admit it but the feeling washing over him is one of relief.

Relief mingled with guilt.

Guilt that nobody was watching his six, his back wide open to the world behind it. Five seasoned fucking veterans and nobody watching the higher ground.

Relief at the silence he knows will engulf the group now. No more orders from a child who should’ve never been granted the lead to begin with.

Guilt because he was climbing up a fucking rock when he should’ve been doing his job as a friend and brother.

Relief that it wasn’t his brains splashed across stone.

His head is fucking pounding and it has been for days, pain dulled by consistency but never not there.

At least I can feel my fucking head.

He thinks of all the other things he can feel now, the things service beat from his body.

The ache in his limbs, heavy with exhaustion.

He’s dreading adding the dead weight of a dead body to the load.

The pang in his stomach, too used to consistently hot food.

He wants black coffee and bacon and tiny spoonfuls of sweet potato puree he airplanes into his own mouth to show Luna it won’t hurt her. Hell, he’d take the mushed peas right now.

Benny’s sobbing. The one amongst them all that never breaks is the broken one now.

He’s staring off again at everything and nothing, Santiago and Will unfurling bags for the body.

What a present to bring home.

It was always the risk they faced, they knew it.

If you were lucky, truly lucky, you came home whole. Untouched, unscathed, unmarred. The safe deployments, the technical shit, the brains behind the operations never seeing bloodshed. Everybody else though? Some were held together by duct tape and pure grit.

Others tied up in a flag with a bow.

Daddy’s not coming home but here’s a purple heart for the dress uniform he’ll never wear again.

I should’ve done more.

He’s not getting a purple heart for this.

I should’ve held on tighter.

He didn’t die in service to his country, he died in service to himself.

I should’ve made a bigger issue of the weight.

Another family he’s failed to protect.

I should’ve said no. —————

The darkness is cut through with a warm glow in every outlet as the clock tips over the edge of midnight.

Wednesday, the eleventh of October.

Nose to nose, the excitement of the day hangs over them like a wave threatening to crash. A giddiness in their bed forcing sleep to the edges of thought.

“Do you think they’re gonna know?” Her voice is soft, featherlight. Trying not to disturb the peaceful bubble they find themselves in now.

“No,” he lifts to press his lips gently into hers, “but I can’t promise I won’t shout it out on the altar.”

Panic takes her eyes, he knows it all too well and he’s gripping tighter before she can inhale. Fingers splayed across the small of her back, the weight of it a comfort to the tender bones and aching muscles.

I'm right here, it says.

“Breathe, breathe,” he’s speaking softly into her hair, “it was just a joke, baby.”

“You're not funny, Francisco Morales.” She speaks it like a fact, like she doesn’t spend hours in his arms filling his head with the music of her laughter. She says it like he isn’t watching smile lines appear in real time, falling more in love with each one.

“Would it be so bad though? If I did? If people knew?” It’s hope in his voice that she’ll say yes. That he can announce to his best friends all at once, every single one, before Santi leaves again. He doesn't want his happiness to arrive by text message. He wants to see the light of congratulation dancing around him.

“I don’t want to jinx it,” she’s scared, “besides… it’s not traditional.”

He scoffs, “what about us has ever been traditional, mi alma?”

“I'll make you a deal,” her fingers run through the stubble along his jaw, thumbs lingering over the patches, “don’t shave this tomorrow and you can tell the boys.”

“You want me to keep this malnourished shit on my face? For our wedding?”

Her giggles vibrate against him, “Yes. I have plans for it after you say I do.”

He growls, “this deal sounds pretty sweet to my lazy soul, what do you get out of it?”

“Hmm…” she brings her hand up to tap on her chin, “well, to begin, I’m getting a hot husba—”

“Debatable.”

“I'll fuck you up, Morales, take the compliment.”

He laughs a kiss into her, “what else?”

“Benny and Will will become automatic attack dogs around me, I’m fairly certain they will clear their schedules for all of April to stand guard outside the room. My own personal security team.”

He laughs again at the truth in her words, “what else?”

She pushes forward again, taking his lip between hers. A soft kiss with the burning desire for more.

“I’ll wake up on Thursday morning with a rawness between my legs that I’m usually only gifted on the weekends.”

His grip tightens, any suggestion of sleep leaving his body in a rush of blood straight through him, “I will never shave again.”

“Don't threaten me with a good time, my love.”

He rolls himself into her at that, kissing down her jaw. Her neck. The sensitive skin of her breasts, low lying cotton barely above indecency. He raises the hem, the curve of her belly burning hot against his lips, two hearts now beating inside her.

He grabs the elastic around her hips and gently pulls, kisses so soft across her pelvis they feign an innocence to his true intentions. Her legs kick out to help discard the fabric tangling her ankles as he settles broad shoulders at the base of her being.

Her fingers twirl through the soft curls that have been crushed against a pillow for hours by her side.

He kisses her soft thighs, slowly dragging his rough cheek against the delicate flesh.

“Francisco,” her fingers flex tighter as he looks up to meet her eyes, “don’t be such a fucking tease.”

He smiles wide, the devilish grin splitting his face as he drops his eyes to where she wants him, the fever that’s taken over her body in the last three months beckoning him in.

His hands are heavy on her hips, clenching deep purple into her. Marks in easily hidden spaces, his little ways of saying mine.

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