#IM SOMEWHERE ELSE RN
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i feel insane. bazoongo.
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i love writing. i also would rather be doing literally anything else
#NaNoWriMo#writing#shitpost#girl c’mon open your laptop put some words there#you don’t have to do it all in one sitting like yesterday#but you will if you don’t pull urself together and write enby#*write rn!!#it’s because I want to find this one page of notes im pretty sure is in my room somewhere#to see if it has details for the epilogue#but idk where it went!!!#i don’t think I’d get rid of it…? but i don’t know where else I would’ve put it#if it’s not the places I checked
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day 1259
dios mio
#la creatura#my post#hasarjunadoneanythingwrong#arjuna#my art#ok side note. tumblr desktop has been fucking broken on only one computer i use for like 2 weeks now#shows the exact same notifs every time. restarting does nothing#if i log in somewhere else its fine but i want to use myyyyy computer like whadda hell.#webbed site moment ig#so im not really uhhhh seeing asks rn. sorry yall
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Penciled Lines
(Cross-posted on ao3, if you prefer to read it there. Reblogs still appreciated!)
Missa wakes up, and he thinks he might be doomed. This doesn’t scare him nearly as much as it should.
Missa is awake early—by his own metric, anyway. His nocturnal nature causes “early” for him to mean “early night” and not “early morning.” Regardless, “early” means that Philza is not asleep yet, still going through his nightly rituals. “Early” means that Philza is sitting up in (his? their?) the bed, pillows propped up behind him, notebook in his lap, sketching away.
And when Missa wakes up to the soft scritch-scratch of a charcoal pencil on textured paper, his forehead just so happens to be brushing Philza’s hip.
Missa can hardly breathe.
Oh no.
He knows that if he gives any indication that he is awake, Philza will stop sketching, close his notebook, shift himself over until he is politely seated on his side of the bed, and greet Missa with a friendly smile. Philza has done it before, when Missa wakes up early. That’s how Missa knows he’ll do it again.
Thus, Missa can hardly breathe—his breaths have to be the slow in-out of sleep. He can’t so much as twitch, either. He has to keep quiet and play dead or else he’ll be found out. Seen. Caught living the lie.
“Husband,” Philza calls him. They’re not married. They share a bed. They’re hardly ever in it at the same time. They have a son and a daughter. Neither of them know Missa very well. Philza has had an extra set of armor and a skull on his backpack for months, waiting for Missa. Missa doesn’t even know Philza’s last name.
Philza is a good man and a good friend—and Missa doesn't deserve him. Still, he takes what he can get. Curls around it. Hoarding every innocent kindness Philza extends like a starving creature: the generosity of a backpack fully stocked with equipment; the trust Philza places in Missa to watch the kids when he’s asleep; and now, the courtesy of not moving his hip from Missa’s forehead to ensure his “sleeping” isn’t disturbed. Missa clutches all of these little offerings in his greedy claws and hugs them into his chest, even as the guilt eats away at him.
Because, regardless of the lack of mutual feeling, he loves Philza. He loves him so, so much, and that is why he is doomed. He can’t afford to lose what little he has. He can’t cross that line.
So Missa lies beside Philza, forehead pressed against Philza’s hip, pretending to sleep so he can imagine that they’re not just lying in bed together, but lying in bed, together; and later, when Missa truly wakes, he will sit on his side of the bed and look at Philza’s face soft with sleep and think about how lucky he is that he still has a side-of-the-bed to begin with.
Missa doesn’t mean to drift off. When it starts to happen, he’s hopelessly torn between shaking himself awake and thus giving himself away, or remaining how he is, silently fending off the inevitable. In the end, Missa clings to that scritch-scratch sound of Philza’s pencil on the paper for as long as he can before the fog at last pulls him under.
Eventually, he dreams. In fact, he dreams of the calloused fingers he dreams of every night, hands like his own, an artist of Death, cradling and shading the contours of his face—a softness dashing charcoal across his jaw, and over his cheekbones, and perhaps on his lips, too, if he’s lucky. Defining every edge of him.
~*~
A deep sigh. Phil stops sketching as Missa shifts in his sleep. He tilts his head up so that the tip of his nose is now just nearly brushing against Phil’s hip. The motion disturbs the wild splay of his dark hair, revealing more of his face: eyelashes, cheeks, warmth. Tender blush of something Stygian and otherworldly. New.
Phil’s lips tilt upwards. He turns to a fresh page, and he starts again.
#qsmp#pissa#qsmpshipping#qsmp missa#qsmp philza#i hesitate to put main character tags bc it's shipping content but i think we're all p much okay with that?? we chill??? we chill thumbsup#my fics#ficlet#anyway would you believe me if i told you this took me a week to write. hhourgh.#i'll prolly make small edits as time goes by if i dont scrap this version entirely.#i really like it rn but we'll see how i feel abt it in like a couple hours or a day. the sheer number of times ive rewritten this hhhhh.#this little character/relationship study is primarily for me to try to work them out in my head.#so if this doesnt quite hit the exact vibe you know why.#im still getting acquainted w missa's character but i gotta start somewhere ya know#i didnt actually get to explore missa's feelings of inferiority as much as i wanted to but thats bc i found trying to tackle that As Well-#-as everything else saddled the fic/setting w too many Things and made it cumbersome and muddied the story being told.#so another time perhaps.#anyway i adore them. beloveds.
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Lance keeling down to propose very romantically probably in public:
Keith falling over seemingly all on his own:
Lance:
Lance: you good, babe?
Keith, pulling them both up to their feet: yeah, why?
Lance: ????because you face planted into the ground??
Keith: I thought you fell over. I didn't want you to be embarrassed.
Lance:
Lance: I love you so much pls have my kids
#klance#keith is just in love#lance is a romantic dont fight me on this#voltron#keith kogane#lance: if you dont marry me rn im jumping off this bridge#keith: i would jump with you#everybody: pls stfu and be gay somewhere else. im trying to have lunch#RIgHt iN fRoNt oF My sALAd
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y'know in a voicecall the other night there was a bit of talk about how Dani and Larry being old friends kind of seems to logistically conflict with her original stated origin- being a recent arrival from a universe where CPUK tournaments take place in soul calibur instead of smash- and my dear friend jort @taffy-glitch suggested something offhand that my brain has sunk its teeth into a little
What if she's actually been from the main cpukverse the whole time, and that's just a stage backstory? The whole basis of her outsider identity an entertaining falsehood for performance's sake? And she hasn't been going home when she leaves, shes just leaving, going somewhere else, specifically to be away from kerfuffle.
20-something creates stage persona not sufficiently distinct from their real self, gets unreasonably, obnoxiously famous from what they achieved and did and continue to do in that stage persona, that stage persona kind of takes over their life a bit and worsens their relationships with the people they love and their ability to engage with other people in a normal way as it gets harder to break character, distancing themselves from it (along with everything and everyone else) in times of emotional crisis but always coming back because they cant resist even if this cycle of performance and isolation is not so good for them. many such cases
#also potentially speaks to her weak sensitivity to the script#if Everybody got isekai'd here a la the terra-thera thing or joe drift's car accident#then maybe dani's vaguely aware she's From Somewhere Else even though shes definitely from here#at the same time#also fun when placed in contrast with larry's arc#of uniting his young performed self and his matured self as per 'Lawrence Home MD the Florida Man'#hate that i cant use commas in tags btw#ncct spoilers#hope this makes sense lol im in a bit of State rn (not bad just weird)
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something i'm grateful for about Wally is the representation for people who love eye contact. we're underappreciated smh
#its very fun to see a character who Looks Intently bc he Likes It and thinks its Polite#eye contact is so so so so good but the majority of people hate it and Whyyyyyyy#it makes being around people so difficult#i naturally stare into a person's fucking soul when holding a conversation#so i have to constantly remind myself to look away periodically or look somewhere else entirely#and then my thoughts turn into 'youre making too much eye contact. now youre making too little. stop looking over there.'#'make eye contact WAIT NO NO ok great we just awkwardly glanced at them. fuck. what are they even saying rn we stopped listening'#and then if i make eye contact with someone in passing / a stranger#its immediate panic like Oh Fuck What If They Think We're A Total Freak Now. Shit Shit shit#or the equally terrifying What If They Think That Was An Invite To Interact#but otherwise. let me stare into your souuulllllll pleaseeeeeee#Without it being weird or making you uncomfortabllle#i am trying to CONNECT and show that i am ENGAGED i am LISTENING#absolutely unprompted#shoutout to all my adhd/autistic homies who looooooove eye contact#we're rarer than a unicorn stg#if eye contact is a sliding scale its the only binary im participating in#i think this might be why i like cats so much. instant staring contests. prolonged comfy eye contact#yeah physical contact is great but have you ever held casual Eye contact with someone
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what if i started posting my other fandoms and my ocs even more
#a talking bunny#i admit i dont have many thoughts abt dca or fnaf rn#i still love the dca but. fnaf is kind of smth im starting to fall out of love with#its just getting more and more cliche and confusing and i dont like what we know abt the secret of the mimic#and i have a lot of complicated (/neg) feelings on the dca fandom too that i wont get into publicly#idk. will i leave the fandom? maybe who knows- as of right now i'm not leaving (i've been stepped back for a long time though)#but in the future? possibly ive thought abt it a lot#why stay somewhere if its not bringing you joy and just upsetting you more than anything else. yknow??#food for thought i suppose#apologies for the rambling tags!! ty for reading to anyone that did read all of these
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OK heres all my stuff i have so far, plus my tattoo :3 my corkboard is kinda barren but i have some things for it that i ordered recently, idk when theyll be here tho :( when they get here i will show you bc i have how im gonna decorate it planned out!!
#txt#'why dont you have volume 8' BECAUSE.#i cant find it LOL im gonna check somewhere else this weekend tho#also once i get more manga im definitely gonna rearrange everything to look better...#i just dont rlly have enough stuff for how i want it to look rn#i dooooo have a bunch more things coming this year tho so. thumbs up#the last one is in december but im sure i'll have enough stuff by then for everything to look nice
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i found a turtle!!! she was in a hardee's parking lot where she def does not belong!! there seems to be a lil crack on her tummy in the second pic?? i admittedly know next to nothing about turtles. but i love her and i moved her somewhere safer!!
#hopefully she finds somewhere safe to live#ik my dad wouldnt wanna drive to the nearest pond rn bc hes a bit sick#but yeah!! turtle!!#turtle#yellow bellied slider#wildlife#idk what else to tag im just!!! happy!! i love animal
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the first time my account got nuked, i went through and queued/reblogged As Many of my old arts as i could find to account #2, and gonna b real that was fucking exhausting so. i'm probably not gonna do that Again for this account. But for now at least, i'm rebloggin Some more recent stuff at the moment, and down the line at certain points if i think of a particular art piece that i wanna show ppl again or smthn i may try and reblog those
however comma
i would LOVE to reblog / collect any of my old textposts/writings so if you have old textposts or essays etc of mine, please please please send them my way i will love you forever💖💖💖
#quasartalks#this all fucking sucks but whatever#im collecting as many as i can and just saving them elsewhere rn#stuff that i'm actually proud of and whatnot i might like. upload to somewhere else like my wordpress or smthn like that#idk i haven't decided#but i do want to save them
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Why do my hyperfixations switch out so fast like xjavixbahcje by the time i get settled into a new fandom some old fandom i havent seen since 2018 randomly drags me back and like its even more dead now than it was then whyyyyyyyyyy
#yes im falling back into creepypasta#but now most of the things on yt are those weird AI stories#i have to dig around to find stuff... like ijustwannahavefun is my only food rn until i dig enough to find all the good shit#bcmsgcnshc#and i know in a month imma fall back somewhere else too- :P
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Other thing that happened today was that one of the red kites that hang around in the pastures flew RIGHT above us while tending to the hives, the WING SPAN is absolutely incredible at that close distance!!!
And the blue tits and woodpeckers that live in our garden also kept us company just watching as we worked while munching their food...
Usually birds can pose a risk to bees by trying to break into the hives, but here everyone just co-exist peacefully.
... Except for last year when the blue tits and flugsnappare (idk english name) fought about WHO should get to claim the bird houses. Which was funny cause there's room for all of you here!!! This year they've reconciled and are just chilling...
I feel so blessed honestly to have been born into this life? Modernization and industrialization made traditional farms nearly impossible to run, but I love to feel so connected to it and my family even though it runs differently now. Centuries of farmers leading up to this and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
We had to give up on the cows and chickens when I was very young, but maybe one day it will be possible to do small scale farming like this again in general.
#and maybe one day the flower fields will be fully restored to their former glory#even if the results wont happen within my lifetime#i want to at least try#my village and my home is what helps me maintain hope about climate change#because this is something within my grasp#to work to protect the biodiversity and the forests and the flora#various traumas made me look for somewhere else to belong#which gave me incredible experiences as a young age#but here i am again cause this is home and i belong here#its not my land but i belong to it#and i want to help preserve it#im rambling but im feeling things rn LMAO#silvi talks
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the thing is i don't even gaf about my gpa it hardly matters in the long wrong most hospitals look at your board examinations and extracurriculars and research when applying for residency but i need to keep my gpa above a certain level to keep my scholarship i CANNOT afford this university's tuition fees😭😭😭
#once the scholarship is gone it's game over i need to transfer somewhere else#im like .05 away from losing it rn😭
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god people are so fucking dummmbbb sometimes! looking for ppl to play Stardew Valley with so i made a post in the big SDV discord and i was like LOOKING FOR PPL FOR A MODDED SERVER and all these ppl coming into my inbox like "hiii i wanna play :)" and im like "ok do u have experience using mods?" and like half of them are like "hmmm nooo i dont want to use mods" like girl why cant you READ YOU ARE SO DUMB
#i've got like 150+ mods running rn im sorry but if u dont wanna play w mods u gotta go somewhere else lmaooo#also if any of yall reading this wanna play some Stardew Valley together (MODDED) hmu! 💕 going to be hosting once i get a handful of ppl#even if u have never tried using mods before i can teach u super quick and easily :3c
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being mentally ill is so cool
#i cried the entire night because i felt unloved and abandoned while literally sleeping in the same room as two of my friends#who i have been hanging out with for the last 3 days#and i am full aware i am being looked after and cared about but currently i want to do nothing other than lay in bed and think about kms#and scratched the shit out of my neck somehow#it feels like a personal slight agaknst me whenever i dont get the right kind of attention and like everything is#sending me into a more depressed mood#and i dont want to bring anything up bc i dont want to kill the vibe so im trying to bottle it up but i know once i get home#i am gping to have a massive meltdown#and im thinking about how to prevent myself from launching myself from one end of the spectrum of 'best friends' to#'i never want to fucking hear about them again'#through no fault of theor own but holy shit im lkke going through it#i want to be held and cry and be told no im not an unlovable freak whos only at best second place or worse to everyone and everything else#bc currently sure feeling like absolute shit that is making me genuinely suicidal idk how to stress how fucking much i hate myself rn#sorry for posting it here i dont want them to see it if i put it somewhere else 👍
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