#IM SO SORRY RICHIE FOR ALL THE MENTIONS

[saltnsugarbear]

congrats on 200 cas!! im so so so so proud of you!! and i hope people continue to see how iconic you are hehe

was thinking may i suggest "cute gifts as 'apologies' after silly fights" from the grumpy/sunshine prompts with carmy? it feels lip-coded too but i feel like carmy is not good with words and would see it as a way to bring you joy and show his love without having to verbalise what he's feeling??

hi ruby! muah muah!!

word count: 0.4k

content warnings: none, i think! maybe just mentions of bickering back and forth <3

come celebrate!

Money isn't an issue for Carmen. Not that he has it coming out of his ears but he just.... Never really buys anything for himself so he has an excess amount.

Whenever he did buy himself something, it was always the best. It didn't matter how much it cost, it would be the best so he didn't have to buy something again. He vetted anything before he bought it.

However this sentiment couldn't be taken into account when he was buying gifts. Sure, he could buy you what you wanted or something that was better than what you originally wanted. But sometimes you didn't want the best, sometimes you just wanted something that was okay.

So after a day of bickering over menu and floor changes in The Bear, Carmy knows this gift doesn't have to be perfect.

Sugar had brought you in during renovation to help her manage and eventually you took over managing the wait staff with Richie. Being brought in introduced you to Carmen, you had heard small stories about him from Natalie but none of them did justice to the man himself.

Some of the bickering got sharper than either of you intended, you voicing Richie and the staffs frustrations over the constantly changing menu and the impossible nonnegotiable's Carmy was trying to push on everyone. So it's safe to say tensions between the both of you were higher than usual.

A perfect gift would further piss you off.

So that's how he ended up scouring the farmers market for the best imperfect bouquet he could find. He told Tina he'd take care of all the produce today and she could come in later than usual, she negotiated him into getting some paid training instead. However he's getting increasingly frustrated because none of them are good enough.

Each one is beautiful, don't get him wrong. They just don't communicate everything he's trying to say. He's sorry but he loves you so deeply, he wants to apologize for all the drama he's putting you through.

Nothing says that, which is driving him up the wall.

Carmy is about to give up when he spots a pastry booth down a couple spots.

It says everything and more.

The bread knot is extravagant. Perfectly manipulated in the shape of a heart. The sight of it on the desk sets your heart a flutter. It sets next to a short vase of bright flowers, orange and pink jumping out at you.

Baby's breathe placed neatly against lilies and tulips, a rose here and there.

There's no note and you don't need one.

Carmy's the only one who could have left it and you're the only one it belongs to.

You stopped being frustrated hours after the bickering, had gone home to your own apartment and mulled over how you can productively move forward.

Carmy never liked you leaving upset. It stressed him out. You didn't like leaving upset either, but someone has to remove themselves before it gets messy.

Carmy's learned to understand that. It's better if you both breathe before coming back to each other.

It's healthy.

And that's something Carmy never knew he needed.

[yellowharrington]

jaded - chapter 4, carmy berzatto x reader

pairing + fandom: carmen “carmy” berzatto x fem!reader (she/her pronouns used), the bear fx

warnings: smoking mention, minors dni with this story please.

word count: 2k

a/n: ok literally i am the worst ever and i totally didn't finish this fic even tho i started it so im finally posting the last part literally MONTHS later!!! sorry besties but i couldn't have an unfinished fic out there in the world so... if u fuck w this story at all thank u for reading it and all the encouraging and nice things people have said, it literally made me want to complete this fic so thank u <3

summary: tying up loose ends.

and it's a fuckin' shame that it ended like that you broke your own heart, but you'd never say that we went to hell, but we never came back

masterlist | chapter 3

It all just feels numb.

Sun coming up over the horizon and a light snowfall onto the street below. Your home is quiet, no pans in the kitchen making French omelettes, no TV playing outside the bedroom door as you sleep. No toothbrushing in the bathroom or running shower water, warm and steamy, inviting you in.

It’s not that you weren’t expecting his answer. Or, lack thereof. It’s that he couldn’t make up his fucking mind. First, he’s cooking you an omelette in your favourite pan with a cup of coffee made exactly the way you like it. He’s spending every evening on the couch with you, your hands splayed out against his stomach, comfortable beneath the waistband of his sweats. You’re in his sweater, baking fresh warm cookies so he can have one before bed, smudges of chocolate against your lips as he pushes you up against the counter, hot skin on cold tile.

Next, he has that look on his face, where he’s somewhere else. Thinking of her, in a dreamland where he can make it right again, and it all feels like it comes crashing down. The sweet nothings don’t exist in this realm, there’s no happiness here.

And when you do have to face him on Monday, it’s back to cold shoulder, nothing different. Yes chef, no chef, thank you chef. 

Sydney tries to make conversation, and you feel bad because you won’t bitch about Carmy like you usually would. Richie’s having secret meetings with Natalie, probably more about Claire, but you don’t even think to join in. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much, and it’s hard enough to go outside and take a fucking break from it all, let alone be in the same cramped kitchen with him. There’s no solitude, just aching, just disappointment.

“Did you order me a new cake pan, chef?” It’s directed at Tina, who looks up at you with the same wistful softness as she always does, smiling before nodding in your direction. You don’t hear her slide over to you, but when she suddenly appears at your station, you can tell she just knows something’s wrong.

“What’s up with you?” she asks, clipboard finding it’s way to the counter beside you, where a piping bag lays. “You’re not yourself. Something… wrong. Don’t tell me a boy did this to you.” The tears prick at your eyes and you swallow it all before you can get out a word, because yeah, it all fucking aches and the hurt feels like it’s sitting right behind your eyes, in your throat, ready to come out.

“It’s nothing. It is a boy but, boys are stupid and I’m not gonna cry over one,” you sniffle, before untying your apron and letting it hang loose on your body. “Not worth it.”

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

Your blood runs cold when she gestures just outside to the bright light of the door, where Carmy sits, phone in one hand, cigarette in the other.

Luckily the kitchen is empty when you reply, only so she can hear, “how did you know?”

“I saw the way you looked at him this morning.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Fuck no. Between you and me, chef.”

You sighed relief, letting your front hit the counter as the stress left your body. “Thank fuck. Yeah, I don’t know, we were-“

“Fuckin’?” Tina’s got a sly smile on her face that makes it impossible not to laugh with her.

“Yeah, I guess. It felt like more than that. But apparently he’s still hung up on Claire so, I guess that ends it.”

She exhales slowly, joining you in a lean against the counter. “Jeff makes mistakes, everyone knows that. He’s moody and sad and he’s got fuckin’ problems, that kid, I tell ya.” She pauses for a second, eyes meeting yours, sincere. “But he’s good. I just don’t think he can handle himself, is all.” She takes a beat, letting her soft hand lay over yours, “He doesn’t let himself have the good shit because it always gets ruined. But you’re good. He’s scared of you.”

“He should be scared of me. I’m gonna fucking kill him,” you mutter, letting your floured hand meet your forehead in annoyance. “I’m not responsible for fixing his shit.”

She nods, agreeing with you, a hand cupping yours on the counter. “No, you’re not. I’m just saying he could use someone like you to bring him back to Earth, is all.”

-

When Carmy does make it back inside, he’s thumbing through paperwork at the desk, hand through his hair stressfully pulling at the strands. He’s trying so hard not to stare at you from where he’s sitting, noticing your cold gaze, somewhere far away. He takes out his phone to scroll through it mindlessly, procrastinating, when he meanders his way to the text icon and opens up your thread. A few texts here and there, mostly just asking about plans to come over, the occasional sexy photo or recipe idea.

[sunday, 10:26] they don't have fresh sourdough. should we just make some this aft?

[saturday, 4:35] i hate when you go in on saturdays

[saturday, 4:36] Photo Recieved

[saturday 4:36] don't you wish you were home with me?

[tuesday, 12:22] is balsamic glaze overdone? lmk. miss u.

It feels a little too domestic, seeing the way he so effortlessly became comfortable with you, a warmth and excitement that was just never there with Claire. It’s raw and it’s guilty and he’ll beat himself up over it forever, but it was never going to be perfect with her, no matter how hard he tried.

“Boss?”

Richie appears in the office, leaning against the door frame before noticing Carmy’s disheveled look. “Yeah?”

“You look worse than usual.”

“Thanks. What do you need?”

“Well, I was gonna ask if you ordered more eggs.”

“I, uh, yeah. Yeah, I think Sydney did.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

It’s like Richie could see right through him.

“Nothin’. Stupid shit.”

Richie steps into the office, leaving the door only slightly ajar.

“Cousin.”

Richie can be sweet when he wants to be, and when he’s got a hand on Carmy’s shoulder and a somber look in his eyes it’s like he already knows how Carmy feels.

“Why do I suck so bad at being a fuckin’ normal person?”

Richie sits next to him, a look of surprise. “Is this about Claire bear?”

“Yes, well - yeah, and also no. Kinda. I don’t know.”

“Is it about Miss Buttercream out there?”

He gestures to you outside the door, zesting some orange on top of the cake you were finishing up. Carmy stifles a laugh.

“We all know you’re porkin’ her.”

“Don’t say that,” Carmy laughs, hand coming up to his face to rub his eyes. “It’s more than that. We’ve been kinda, dating, I guess? I still don’t know what counts as having a girlfriend.”

“So what did you do?”

He gnaws at the skin of his thumb and lets his eyes flicker up to Richie’s. “Fucked it. Last night, I, uh,-“ his hand finds his warm forehead. “I really like her, like a lot. But she asked about Claire and I said the wrong thing, like I always do and uh, she didn’t like it.”

“She’s good,” Richie starts, letting his hands find his aproned thighs as he sits at the corner of the desk. “Claire was good for you too. But she didn’t… get it. Not like she does,” he gestured vaguely to your station outside the door. “Claire was never gonna get the restaurant and the kitchen and the fuck of it all.”

Richie's hand extends to cup Carmy's shoulder.

“Look, do whatever you want, but there isn’t really someone who matches you like she does. Claire’s history now, drunk phone calls don’t mean she’s still in love with you. If that’s what you were thinking.”

Carmy sits back in the creaky chair. “Nah, not that. I just don’t know how to do it right.”

“It’s not about doing it right,” Richie’s got sincerity in his eyes. “It’s about fuckin’… trying shit. Just go and make a move and see.” Carmy watches you hang up your apron on the hook and grab a hoodie before fucking outside. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks Richie.”

“Good luck.”

- 

“I’m sorry.”

Carmy’s voice takes you out of your trance as you stare into the back alley of the restaurant. “Hi.”

“Can we talk?”

“You can talk, I’ll listen.”

The crackle of his lighter, orange flame against white snow. You can see his breath slipping from between his lips as he exhales out of the corner of your eye.

“I feel like a fuckin’ asshole,” he starts, plunging his other hand in his pocket. “I don’t know what to say.” A beat. “Can you look at me?” It’s gentle, a question, not a demand.

You turn to look at him. Cold blue eyes, darkened by the brightness around you. “You’re not second best to me. You’re it, this is it. I like this, I, I fuckin’,” he takes a breath, “I love… this. I want this.”

“You hurt my feelings, Carmen,” tears brimming your eyes and coating your lashes. “If you’re not done with Claire, I don’t… I don’t care. If I am your second choice, fine.” 

“You’re not.”

“Even if I was. But don’t fuck me around if you don’t want me.”

“I do.”

“Are you sure? You weren’t sure last night.”

“I get it if you don’t trust me. I get it. I haven’t given you a reason to.” He searches for the right words, but chooses to take a tentative step towards you. “I’ll beg for you,” he’s quiet, unlike Carmy. “Anything.”

Your eyes meet his briefly, a soft smile pulling at your lip. “I’m not saying yes, okay?” He nods. “But I am saying I would appreciate a ride home tonight. If you’re serious.”

“I’m serious.”

“Good.”

-

The walk up to your apartment is easy. His heavy steps behind your light ones, hands sliding up the bannister as you unlock your door. He’s on your heels, a little behind. When he steps in your apartment, it’s familiar. Browned butter, vanilla, laundry. 

“Do you want dinner?” He’s tentative, letting his shoes sit next to yours on the mat. His jacket goes up on the hooks by the door, together. 

“Are you offering?”

“Yes.”

Carmy shows love through food, that’s how he always is. You can tell he’s feeling particularly sorry about it all because he’s bringing out a big pasta pot and a saucepan, pulling the only fresh ingredients left in your place and putting them next to the stove top. Your t-shirt finds its way into the laundry basket, an old sweater thrown over your bare skin.

You hate how normal it all feels, because it’s scary. To think of a domestic life with him, where there’s another girl lingering in the background of his thoughts that he has unfinished business with. Insecurities of who is better, prettier, happier, warmer… if he had the chance, would he leave? Would he jump ship?

He sits next to you while you eat, thighs against thighs, and comfortable silence blanketing your small apartment. He hasn’t gotten into one of the many pairs of pyjamas he’s left at your place, or taken his usual after-work shower, or taken out the frozen cookie dough to thaw. You can tell he’s not sure if he’s welcome here for good, yet.

When your food is done, he pushes the plates away and takes a calloused hand to wrap around yours. There’s sharpie marks small knife cuts on his fingers. 

“Are you gonna stay the night?” You ask, still not meeting his gaze. 

“Am I welcome to?” He doesn’t sound like himself, and you can feel his warm breath near the top of your head as you turn towards him. Your body collapses a little then, folding slightly at the middle to have your head fall right into the centre of his chest.

“Yes, Carmen,” you nod, letting your eyes flicker up to meet his. “You can stay for as long as you want.”

His hand slipped from yours then, sliding around your side and up your back. He pulled you into his embrace, lips wrapped around yours in a soft capture. Your hands found their way under his t-shirt, only slightly, his warm skin against the palms of your hands, pulling him impossibly closer. 

And when you lay in bed with him that night, your face burrowed into the softness of his chest, you know the days of waking up alone are over. 

[buggybambi]

fierce defender | carmen berzatto

okay, so i found this request in my google docs, i believe it was from @kpopgirlbtssvt but correct me if im wrong. we'll see how this does lmao

You normally loved working at the Bear. The staff was like a big family that embraced you rather quickly, and treated you like one of their own. Because in their eyes, you were one of their own.

Except on nights like these, you didn't want to be a waitress. From the second the group of teenage boys entered the restaraunt, you knew they were trouble. Being obscenely loud with no apparent manners.

You'd gotten their food out before making your way back to run some food. And that's when it happened.

Two plates in your hand, one of the boys snickering to the other five, before sticking his foot out and making you trip on the floor with broken glass and food going everywhere lead to the entire restaraunt going silent.

The feeling of eyes on you, and trying to check all your surroundings to make sure no one stepped in the glass and, more importantly, you weren't cut by any of it was a recipe for tears stinging the corners of your eyes. Not to mention the feeling of some sort of condiment or toppings in your hair.

Carmen could hear the glass drop from his place in the kitchen, and he could practically sense the silence. All the cooks now by the small window facing the dining area, focused on something. "What is it?" He calls out to them, before dropping the knife in his hand and stomping over.

When no one answers, he asks again. "What the fuck happened?!" His voice is louder now. Richie steps in front of him. "One of the waitresses, Y/N, dropped a plate. One of the guys at table five tripped her, like on purpose." He informs.

It's like his heart stopped for a second. The entire earth feels silent for a second before he finally gets it together.

Carmen untied his apron, throwing it down and pushing open the kitchen doors, rushing over to her. The sound of laughter, watching you clean up the mess of glass with tears falling down your pretty face with strands of your hair pulled back now in your face?

Most of what happened was a blur after that. Carmen, cursing so much it could make a sailor blush, grabbing the main guy who was laughing the most (probably the one who tripped you) and both metaphorically and physically kicked him out - literally, his shoe on the guy's back and kicking him from the enterance into the street. If it wasn't for Richie grabbing Carmen's torso to prevent him from murdering them, he would have done worse.

Once he made his way back inside, making sure the other five left and barely caring about them paying at that point, he told the other staff to handle the kitchen while he walked over to you. "Hey, it's okay. Don't worry about that, come with me." He speaks softly, the tears still streaming down your cheeks as you accept the offer, standing and following him into the office.

You walk in first, with him closing the door behind you both. "I'm sorry, Carmen, I'll pay for the food and the plates I swear. I should have been more careful, it was my fault."

"Y/N, did you see the asshole's foot out?"

You pause, not sure if he's being sarcastic or not. But you decide to answer anyway: "no."

"Then it's not your fault. It's his for being a jerk. Are you okay, you're not hurt are you?" He asks, grabbing your hands in his - wanting to grin at the difference but resisting - checking all over them. You shake your head. "I'm fine, I think. I just have mashed potato and I'm pretty sure some kind of glaze in my hair." You mumble, a frown and tears painting your face.

He nods slowly, before he holds your hands, walking over to a chair and pulling you into his lap. "It's gonna be okay. I'll handle the mess, you just focus on calming down, yeah? Few deep breaths might help." He directs.

You nod, sniffling, adjusting to being in his lap. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be holding you up like this. You have important stuff to do." The tone of your voice breaks Carmen's heart.

"You're the most important thing to me, I could care less about anything else." His grip around your waist tighten just ever so slightly.

"Carmy.." You say softly. Your eyes flicker from his eyes to his lips, and like he can sense what you're asking for, your cheeks damp from your tears. He adjusts ever so slightly, swallowing hard before he speaks. "Is it okay if I kiss you?"

You nod before he even finishes the sentence, your hands on his cheeks. His lips on yours, squeezing the uniform fabric at your hips. It's soft and slow, both of you so unsure of what to do next.

And, much to his word, Carmen did clean up the mess that night. And then took you to his apartment to help clean you up.

[freshbakedbreadstick]

No. 1 Party Anthem - Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader - Chapter Nine

Past!Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader

Carmy Berzatto x F!Platonic!Reader

Richie Jerimovich x F!Platonic!Reader

Summary: Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Warnings:  All my fics are 18+ regardless of the content. Heavy spoilers. Mentions of grief, angst, strained relationships, bad coping mechanisms, mental health issues.  

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: Apologies for the shorter chapter , we are rapidly approaching the end to this series and tbh im both excited and sad ! Im so so so happy i am back to writing and not dying over assignments , but i dont want this series to end ! Ive enjoyed the journey to get here and im so excited to continue with more ! Happy pride month besties !

Taglist: @marysucks-blog @shinebright2000 @jadeittic @eternallyvenus @jackierose902109

Masterlist

Carmy stood in front of the stove as it caught on fire, frozen. 

When this happened, you were chopping vegetables to take the slack off of Tina and Ebraheim as they worked the other stations. It was only when you heard Tina yell that you turned around and saw the fire. 

“Shit!!” she yelled, rushing around to try and grab something to put it out. 

You rushed around, throwing down the knife onto the metal table with a loud clang, before running over. 

“Carmen!” you screeched across the kitchen, yelping as you stumbled into a metal table and felt the corner dig into your body.

Someone grabbed the fire extinguisher and blew it onto the fire, surrounding the kitchen and your vision with large white clouds as Richie walked over to Carmy. 

You watched with bated breath as Richie smacked him, finally getting him back down to earth. 

“Sorry…” Carmy murmured, blinking rapidly before walking away.

You turned to Tina and Richie, mouth open in confusion. They both shrugged and shook their heads, moving away from the burnt and smoking stove. 

With a sigh, you went back to your station, wiping your hands on the apron that you had put on earlier. You took a deep breath, about to turn to go talk to Carmy when you felt someone approach you from behind.

“Come here real quick,” Richie murmured into your ear, gently grasping your hand to lead you out of the kitchen and to the lockers, where Carmy was sitting on the bench.

He led you to stand in front of Carmy before he grabbed a piece of paper from behind a locker. He then sat down next to him, handing him the piece of paper and murmuring softly to him, something that was too low for you to hear.

Your eyebrows wrinkled, watching Richie get up and leave, not even glancing at you as he did so. As you turned around, your eyes locked with Carmy’s bright blue ones, the bags under them enunciating the blue in his iris. 

Carmy then glanced down at the piece of paper, his fingers near shaking as he held onto it. He then looked up at you again, almost as if asking for permission to open it. You swallowed the lump in your throat, swiftly moving to sit down where Richie was. 

The two of you exchanged looks at one another, mouths opening to breathe raggedly. Carmy’s hand twitched, before it slid across his lap and over onto yours. The roughness of his hand slid up against yours, slotting into a tight grip as he held the card on his lap for the two of you to see. 

You could feel your leg bouncing, eyes locked on the wrinkled envelope. Beside you, Carmy’s almost dissociating as he stares at it, making you jump when he suddenly flipped it over to reveal some scratchy writing you instantly recognized… and that made your heart drop to the floor. 

‘To Carmy

From Mikey’

You took in a loud, haggard breath, making yourself wince as it came out much louder than anticipated. But Carmy didn’t react, just continuing squeezing your hand in his as he continued to stare at the writing. The same writing you would trace at night, trying desperately to read between the love letters Mikey wrote you, to see if some hidden cry for help was there you didn’t see. 

But the letters in front of you two spelled out nothing in code or in secret. 

Carmy rose, letting your hand slide from his grip and fall limply onto your lap. Your head whipped up as you watched him walk away, quick strides moving toward the back of the kitchen.

You scrambled to your feet, eyes already burning with tears as you tried to follow after Carmy. The words were caught in your throat, desperately wanting him to stay and let you be there for him while he opened it but a warm grip on your arm stopped you right as Carmy let the door shut behind him. 

With a grunt, you were swiveled around and yanked into someone’s body. You collided with them, groaning softly before softening at the smell of cologne and cigarettes, with a hint of fruity perfume that you could probably only get from a claire’s. 

Richie wrapped his arms around you, pressing a kiss to your head before ushering you into the office. 

With the door closed and privacy secured, you leaned into the desk, arms holding you up from the edge of the wood. Richie sighed, turning to look at you with his head hung down. 

He reached forward, gently cupping your cheek to guide you to look up at him. 

“I know you want nothing more than to just… run to him and make sure he stays but… but he will be okay. You will be okay. He will come back…” he murmurs, voice hoarse but with a softness to it as he spoke to you. 

You would only weakly nod and swallow the growing knot in your throat. 

As Richie began to turn away, you found your voice. 

“...How do I know?”

He paused, one hand on the door handle. 

You stood up, moving to sit down on the chair and stare at the messy desk in front of you. 

“How do I know he will return?”

You stared at some of the familiar scratching writing on the papers pinned and taped onto the wall. Some invoices, some notes, some showing urgency, others saying to not worry about it. 

It was both a rhetorical question and one you were asking yourself. How do you know Carmy would return? How do you know he wouldn’t disappear from your life in a matter of seconds and carefully planned actions?

Richie just sighed, shoulders slumping as he moved to look at you. His steel blue eyes scanned your face, watching as your teeth chewed into your already bruised bottom lip. 

You began swaying in the chair, twisting from side to side as you traced along scribbles on the papers forgotten on the desk. Your hands gripped the seat beside you, your knuckles almost turning white as you did so. 

Richie reached out, grabbing the back of the chair to stop you from moving, making your head snap up to look at him as he stood beside you. 

He crouched down at eye level, taking a deep breath. You took a deep breath too. He took another one. You took another one too. He took a third. You followed suit. After the fifth one, he slowly said your name.

“...yes?” you responded, voice barely above a whisper. 

“No one is going to leave you anymore.”

All you could do was blink. 

He grabbed your face in his hands once again and pressed another kiss to your forehead, resting his own on there. You both closed your eyes, listening to each other take slow breaths at the same time. 

“Don’t panic, we’re here together, okay?”

“Okay.”

With that, the two of you fixed your aprons and walked out, glancing at each other as you walked out and headed towards your respective stations. 

Fak’s voice echoed in the front, triggering a reaction from Richie as he stomped over to see what he was going on about. You just giggled to yourself, finding a small smile making its way onto your previously frowning face as you heard the echoing voices of the two men beginning to bicker. 

Someone moved beside you, their hands deftly moving to gather your already chopped vegetables into the bin in front of you. They gently bumped their hip into you, a smile greeting you as you looked over at them. 

“Thank you, mami.” Tina’s warm voice whispered to you as she took the bin to her station. 

You watched her organize, feeling a warmth bloom in your chest as she moved artfully around the kitchen, not once taking her focus off her work even as Ebraheim began talking to her or as Richie and Fak’s voices got a bit louder. 

You turned back to your station, stretching your head from side to side with a renewed sense of focus, before grasping your knife to continue dicing once again. 

You only got about halfway through filling a second bin when the backdoor swung open and shut, making you instinctively freeze and whip your head around to look at the racing body that came back inside. 

You jolted a bit when he glanced around, pausing when he saw you staring. He just stared for a second, before jerking his head and moving toward the fridge. 

Instantly, you followed. 

The fridge door clicked behind you as you watched Carmy weave around, hands guiding him along the shelves as he reached to grab something. 

“Pop quiz for you, chef… what’s the recipe for family meal spaghetti?”

The first ingredient was already on your lips right as he finished his sentence.

[cowboylikeyouu]

i always love when people have some kind of "get to know me and my fandoms :)" post pinned on their blog, so here‘s mine:

i‘m a german law student, but i like to ignore that fact bc it‘s kinda depressing lol (edit october 2024: IM QUITTING. lol)

my favorite activity is to ignore most of my responsibilities and doomscroll on tumblr & tiktok while listening to the same 5 songs over and over again and drink too much coffee ^^

i watch a lot of movies and sometimes i write stuff, so feel free to follow me on letterboxd and ao3 ;)

you can yap to me about literally everything, i love love LOVE talking to random people on the internet about random shit!! but here are some of my favorite fandoms and my fav characters & ships from them if u need inspiration :P

marvel (mcu mostly)

favorite characters: CLINT (comic & fanfic version, literally my favorite character of all time i love him to death), tony, nat, bucky, kate, and basically everyone except steve

favorite ships: WINTERHAWK (they’re my everything), stony, nat/maria/pepper

x-men

favorite characters: wade, charles, storm

favorite ships: POOLVERINE, poolverinessa, cherik, and basically every logan-ship in existence (scogan, logurt, morpherine, logan/ororo, here for all of it)

harry potter

favorite characters: hermione, remus, harry (especially in post war drarry fics), draco, minerva, sirius, fred & george

favorite ships: drarry, wolfstar, romione, deamus, linny. i mostly read drarry tho and i think there isn’t a single side-ship that could possibly throw me off. if u write it well i can get behind everything.

good omens

favorite characters: crowley

favorite ships: do i really have to answer that?

star wars

favorite characters: luke, han, leia, (i‘m an original trilogy girly i‘m sorry), obi-wan, din djarin (pedro pascal is the literal loml can you blame me??7

favorite ships: dinluke <3333333

IT

favorite characters: richie, beverly

favorite ships: reddie, benverly, mike/stan/bill

sherlock bbc

favorite characters: mycroft

favorite ships: johnlock, mystrade

other stuff i’ve seen and really like:

10 things i hate about you (my fav movie ever), little women, httyd, fight club (i have to mention this bc one of my favorite things ever is to annoy straight men by saying that fight club is the gayest movie to ever exist), how i met your mother (my fav show ever), our flag means death, most pixar & disney movies, shrek universe (especially puss in boots 2), starkid musicals!!! especially avpm & co obviously, knives out & glass onion, orange is the new black, grey‘s anatomy, shameless, she-ra, bojack horseman, the last of us, hamilton, cats, and so much more, just ask ^^

i don’t really ship any controversial ships but i‘m 100% pro proshipping so get the fuck away from me if you’re not <3

#amy talks is my yapping tag, #tweet people w kindness has everything about my twitter fic, and #first light everything about the winterhawk interstellar au i‘m currently writing. rest of my tags should be self explanatory lol

[bylersboy]

intro post (finally)

ive debated making an intro post because first off ive been on tumblr for two years and I never got around to it and secondly I am really really horrible at talking about myself because what is to much info and what it to little info and the cycle continues but im giving it a shot because I feel like my mutuals have no idea who I am lmao

HAI my name is Charlie im 15 (18+ I dont mind if you follow me but please dont dm me thank you :]) I use jasper as an online name kind of (at this point its just reserved for my best friend ace but I dont mind if other people call me jasper since I still love the name)

my pronouns are he/him but im also perfectly comfortable with common neopronouns (it/its xey/xem) if you wanna get funky with it.

im a self diagnosed autistic and ARFID (if you dont know what that is its an eating disorder where certain factors make you avoidant and restrictive of the food you eat and it has nothing to do with physical appearance. for me its linked to my autistic sensory issues(ALSO OCD NOW?!!? WHAT THE FUCK?!!?)) I have depression and anxiety and the only reason I mention this is because I relate my mental health to my fav characters in tv shows and books and stuff so if you see me posting about them like everything is connected lol

(my a03 is ghostwithfeet if you want to see me be silly and project my weird life onto fictional characters (I am the most inconsistent updater in the world please expect nothing from me if you even ask about a project it will scare me and like I turtle I will crawl into my shell never to see the light of day again))

my interests really vary about current hyperfixations but heres the master list

current hyperfixs

stranger things specifically Byler but mostly mike wheeler (this has turned into a special interest(I DO NOT support Noah schnapp or another of the other cast members who are in support of the inhumane actions the Israel government are doing. I am pro saving innocent civilians. I know that this can be controversial to be such a big fan of this show and honestly I have a lot of complex feelings on the matter but im autistic as previously mentioned and its my special interest and It won't leave my brain even if im not directly interacting with the media so im gonna yap about it on my blog thank you.))

also just Finn wolf hard for some reason (check out his band the Aubreys its awesome. also check out a recent movie he was in called when you finished Saving the world. it means a lot to me)

donna tarts the goldfinch book

old special interests/hyperfixs

the percy Jackson universe specifically nico di Angelo

the IT universe specifically reddie and Beverly marsh but more leaning towards richie tozier (see what I mean with the Finn wolf hard thing)

dead boy detectives !!

doctor who (I haven't even finished David tenants doctor yet so please no spoilers)

Alice oseman content (never read loveless or iwbft but ive read all of her other stuff)

paper girls graphic novel

other interests

the good place tv show

Kathleen Glasgows book girl in pieces

the walking dead comics including the clementine spin off graphic novels

um yeah thats all I can think of for now

my fav musicians/bands

florence and the machine

indigo de Souza

Kevin Atwater

searows

the Aubreys

sadurn

the cranberries

soccer mommy

runo plum

nep

lala lala

the smiths

hospital bracelet

Chappell roan

AURORA

Madilyn Mei!

Elliot smith

(my music taste is all over the place and is also very seasonal and I have a bunch of underground artists I dont listen to but I am here to give good recs I promise my playlists are fire)

we've gotten to the part of the intro post where im wondering if this is way to much information so sorry if I overshared idk but hope we can be silly mutuals or friends if you want (never be scared to shoot the friendship shot I would love to yap with y'all)

also since this is taking over my other pinned post I just want to put this as an honorary spot and let everyone know that my old pinned post was a quote from radio silence and that Aled last is me and I am him and the February Friday plot line is actually me and it makes me sick how much I resonate with that book

[raspberrysmoon]

tellmemore about ictd...pleasase e/nf

has been sitting in my drafts for almost exactly 24 hours. hell yes i will i <3 ictd. welcome to: random facts and story beats + some characterizations that matter (and an intro to the series since people have never heard of it somehow /lh)

cursory warning for mentions of death, brief mentions of cannibalism and stalking.

remember the masterpost is in my pinned with more info!! enjoy!

ictd starts during the summoning, where things spiral out of control for our main characters.

- ictd is a fic series where the lords in black (and webby) and a greater amount of control over hatchetfield! they're deeply connected to the land as well as any plant or creature born to or on that land. i.e. everybody who was born in hf.

- their grip is stronger and meaner in the witchwood. this is why people like lumberaxe and the metzgers are the way they are.

- they also have "districts", where children born are more likely to fall into a specific connection (like downtown, where pokeys strongest, or the old kids district where nibbly's stronger). i havent exactly worked out the map of the island yet, so this is a work in progess

- connection level ranges from 0 (non native to hf) to 10 (a lord), and power falls along with this. higher number, more power. the current strongest human or human-adjacent character is lumberaxe at a 9. anybody above an 8 is likely to appear slightly off or inhuman. the most common levels are 2-4, the least are 0 and 10, of course

- pete, steph and grace (called 'the three' or 'our three') are all 3-6 when the series starts. they'll wind up being 7s or 8s by the end. we get to see them evolve :]

- all three have physical changes immediately. grace grows eyes in odd places, pete grows horns and excessive hair on his legs thats painful to touch for months, steph grows sharper teeth. i bet you can guess who's connected to which lord

- a lot of people die. your faves might die. my dead list isnt done yet. they all have a role in max, ruth, and richies storyline. i have to start have my ictd posts with "i killed your blorbo, im sorry" (see linda, zoey, the metzgers eventually)

- a fun fact: blinky has the most people so far, webby has the least!

- lots of bad things like cannibalism and stalking happen. often. "its hatchetfield", they say. people go missing constantly, and turn up dead or half dead. eventually.

- the clivesdale rivalry is one-sided, and fueled by the lords. any hatchetfield citizen will deadass kill a chemist. for fun. the lords find this entertaining, including webby.

- any connection (alignment) to any lord causes illness. what type differs between lord, and intensity varies from person to person. miss holloway and sheila young have it the worst.

ok, ill save you a full blown essay. this is most of the things i haven't gotten a chance to talk about before now :]

[sunshinereddie]

no i don’t automatically connect every media i consume to reddie and use it to somehow make a reddie hc what kind of person do you think i am anyways i just started watching business proposal and now im thinking about richie helping out his friend, bill, by sometimes filling in for him on blind dates that his family sets up. bill’s family really wants him to settle down, but bill doesn’t want to, so whenever he’s set up to go on a date and he really doesn’t want to, richie will go instead, pretending to be him, to basically scare off the date and make sure that there will not be a second date.

richie doesn’t mind it. after all he did always want to pursue comedy, and this little act is usually pretty fun for him, plus bill pays him for doing this (not to mention they’ve been friends since kindergarten and richie would do anything for bill anyways) so he keeps it up.

until… he goes on one of these blind dates and realizes that it’s with none other than eddie kaspbrak… the CEO of the company richie works for.

richie panics, but he tells himself that he just needs to get through this one date, that he just needs to fuck up on this date SO badly, so much that eddie kaspbrak will want nothing to do with him ever again…….

but things sort of backfire. you see, eddie kaspbrak is used to going on blind dates set up by his family. every person he meets is the same: the child of another big-name family, with intent of marrying only for the kaspbrak family name. “love” isn’t even in the question. no one he’s never gone on one of these blind dates with has ever left a good impression on him…

until he meets richie. richie, who acts a little weird, but seems to have his own personality and not just one fabricated for him by his family, who actually tells jokes and somehow makes eddie laugh into his drink and accidentally spill wine on the table in the middle of the high-class restaurant they’re in. richie, who just… doesn’t seem like the rest of the guys eddie’s been on dates with.

and as for richie, well… he does usually enjoy the blind dates he takes over for for bill. not because they’re necessarily “good” dates, more so because richie gets a fancy meal paid for him and he gets to have fun and mess with some rich asshole. but on his date with eddie, richie actually finds himself… having fun? a few times he has to remind himself that he’s supposed to be putting on a show, making things bad, but… richie thinks that it’s a lot more fun to make eddie laugh than to make him angry.

richie can only think about one thing as he walks out of the restaurant that night, with eddie kaspbrak’s phone number and plans for a second date: sorry, bill.

[sydneyadamuhusband]

SYDRICHIE FANFIC (cause im not good at titles, people) part one

note: never worked in a restaurant, I barely even know what I am saying with the slang being tossed around. Let's hope it makes sense.

words: 5k (ish)

rating: gen.

warnings: light mentions of anxiety. (And possible misspellings, im sorry in advanced)

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

It was peak hour and the tickets were coming in hot and fast. Richie was out on the floor, serving food to guests and buttering them up while Sydney was yelling out the rapid orders and taking them down. 

They were packed tonight and people’s orders were shooting out the ticket machine faster than Sydney could see. 

Clashing sounds of dishes, silverware and cups were all around. Clouds of steam and smoke were in the air followed by sizzling. Plates and plates were being dished out and walked in what felt like milliseconds to Sydney.

Unlike the first night, Sydney was prepared. Her braids were held back into a tight bun and draped over with a sharp white bandana wrapped tight around her head, her eyes darted with each order with proficiency, and her hands were quick to scratch out orders.

She was getting in a zone, a fast and stressful zone and it felt freeing. The zone wasn’t safe nor a fun, not even close. But somehow that made it more exhilarating.

She had control over the life of chaos and it was powerful. Being able to handle it and go with the flow in a world that felt like it had none, now that was a feeling like no other

Everything was under control and even if it wasn’t; Richie, Tina, Marcus, Sweeps and Sugar got her. Hell, even Fak got her. They have each other, they hired an excellent group. Everything was under her control. 

Well almost everything.

“That’s not cooked all the way you are supposed to steam. them.” It was Carmy’s voice Sydney heard. Unfortunately she wasn’t surprised. 

He was in tonight, disheveled and tired practically screaming down the ear of an employee, Jacob.  

“Do you know how to steam vegetables chef!?” Carmy is practically on the guy's ear.

The vegetables are burnt with a tangy smell in the air floating all over the kitchen, Sydney’s nose wrinkles. The station’s stove is too hot obviously with the burst of more and more smoke coming out of the pot’s rim. But Sydney can’t focus on that right now.

“Fire two by two t-bones!” The chefs respond to Sydney quickly. “Thank you chefs!’

Jacob is shaking like a leaf, his blond hair starting to fall out of place as he quickly restarts his process of cooking. His hand’s trembles as he cuts. Carmy is still there though. He hovers over him with cold blue eyes, practically trying to pierce into him with his glare.

Sydney looks down, “Fire bucatini two by two. T-bone to table 15 please!” The chefs responded.

 As long as they can get through it without paying too much attention to Carmy, they’ll be good. His yelling got louder though. Sydney can see the poor chef shrink under Carmy. 

Carmy kept asking rapid questions leaving strays of spit and vicious anger flying everywhere. His face was getting hotter by the second. At this point, it looked like his goal was to keep yelling until his face turned blue.

Sydney tries to interfere. “Chef!-”

“Not now, Chef” Carmy replies smoothly to Sydney before she’s able to finish. He keeps his eyes on his target the whole time. “Answer the question, Chef.” 

“Yes chef, I know how to make veg...vegetables, chef…” The man whimpers quietly.

 Oh boy. 

The air is thick in the kitchen next to it’s usual smokey delicious air from the various foods they cooked. 

His hands were shaky and he was practically vibrating with the vibrato of Carmy’s voice. He was starting to get too loud. The other chefs were staring, distracted by their works which Sydney had to remind and repeat commands to them to get the orders across correctly.

Carmy kept pestering the chef to go faster and faster, cook better. Holy shit he was so red. Sydney looks back down, four more orders past her, fuck.

“We gotta go move faster chefs, fire two fishes, four by four copenhagen, one focaccia to table 11 please, walk bucatini, cannolis two by two!” 

“You’re falling behind!” Carmy’s voice comes into view at the wrong time. Even though it wasn’t directed at her, Sydney still flinches with a pang of aching in her stomach.

They really were starting to fall behind right now.

“Fire two t-bones?” One of the chefs asked.

“Sorry, chef.” The man says, “I can’t focus with you this close-” Sydney can’t focus on that right now. She’ll deal with Carmy later. The five more tickets fire.

Sydney looks back at the chef who asked and shakes her head vehemently.

“No-” She glances at the clock, 5 more minutes. “Fire two fishes, four by four copenhagen,” She scratches out the various food items on the list below her.

So many fucking papers everywhere and the tickets won’t stop… 

“One. Focaccia. To. table. 11. Please, walk the bucatini. And Marcus,” he raises his head up, “Cannolis two by two.” 

Marcus nods, “Yes chef.” 

He got her. The chefs are cooking, they got her. It’s fine they got this.

“Fire three t-bones and a welcome broth for table 12 and 8!” A rough jagged sigh drags from Sydney, “two by two focaccia.” And she keeps continuing the list.

“Four by four…” Deal with Carmy later,

“Two by two…” 4 1⁄2 minutes.. 

“Another four by four…” Why is Carmy so fucking loud?

“..to table 14 please!” Why is the ticket machine so loud??

“...hands for cannolis please, thank you chef!” Why is Sydney’s brain so fucking loud???

The kitchen’s door opens, it’s Richie.

He has a brisk pace, strolling in smoothly and so casually. He’s calm, level headed and relaxed. Sydney needs whatever fuck he’s on make him so easy going and clear headed in times like these.

He’s fixing his suit, pressing any creases and folds out with rough palms. He’s watching them, encouraging them yet pestering them to quiet and settle down so softly and nicely. 

Good god it’s so uncanny of him. No more sweats, no more overpowering pine tree cologne, no more yelling and obnoxiously loud talking. He’s just oddly mature and reasonable, mannered and good. He smells good

And with that suit  He looks so…

 Sydney looks back down the tickets and continues calling out orders. She has no time to address whatever the hell that was because that’s not important. No more looking at Richie of all people like that. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees when Richie finally glances over at Carmy who’s lashing out on the chef next to him. He turns to face Sydney and their eyes meet for a brief moment as he fiddles with the cuffs of his suit. 

Richie leans over to her, close enough for just her to hear. His breath brushed against her skin. His hand on her shoulder. 

 “Carmy’s gonna need to step out, Syd.” He says and Sydney knows he’s right, “The customers can hear him.” 

Just as she expected. Sydney looks over to him now, he’s close. He stares at her with those bright eyes, they're like ocean waves crashing in the sea on a sunny day. 

Unlike any of the other times they have gotten close and personal in each other's spaces, Richie doesn’t smell like cheap cologne and cigarettes. He smells fresh, minty and so good. He’s looking at her soothing concerned eyes. 

How are they always getting this close and personal in each other’s spaces? 

She nods at him. “I know.” and Richie gets it.

He watches as she sorts out the orders for a brief moment, like he’s assessing what he was gonna do. Camry was still yelling, getting red in the face. It reminds Richie of someone but he quickly lets that thought pass him.

Richie takes a breath and begins to make his way over to Carmy. He slips behind chefs, announcing his presence incase of a run-in. Some are giving Carmy quick glances that dart between him and Richie, asking if they should do something. Richie just nods at them to continue their work and they do.

He squeezes in between Carmy and the chef.

The guy was trembling, nearly knocking into other equipment.Maybe if Carmy could just calm the fuck down, the chef could do what he’s ask him.

Richie clears his throat. "Hey, cousin-" 

“Back the fuck off, Richie.” Carmy doesn’t even hesitate to say.

But Richie wasn’t going to back down. This restaurant needs to thrive and Richie isn’t letting one (or a couple of) bad day(s) fuck up this resteraunt. Especially since Carmy himself worked so damn hard for it. 

“No.” Richie says plainly, “You gotta step out or calm down Carm, the customers can hear you.” He tries to reason. But Carmy shakes his head softly, 

"What? you trynna say I'm fucking up business?"

"Two by two for bucatini." Sydney's voice rings in the kitchen, 2 ½ minutes left.

Richie raises his hands in a soothing gesture, softly shaking his head, "You know I would never say that, cousin." 

Carmy doesn't meet Richie's eyes. He paces around, hands on hips. Eyebrows furrowed, Richie tried to meet Carmy's eyes again but he refused to look at him. It doesn't even seem like Carmy was looking at anyone or anything.

Richie grabs a hold of Carmy's arm in the middle of his pacing"Hey hey!" Carmy doesn't respond, his head down.

Richie likes to say he knows Carmy, hell he practically grew up with him and Mikey. He was changing the fucker’s diapers and taking him to school in a beat up honda. He should know Carmy.

 He should be able to read him just as well as he could read Natalie or Mikey. But it wasn’t the case at all. Whatever the fuck was happening right now had Richie feeling like he was being thrown to the sharks.

It makes him anxious, and when he gets anxious, he gets shitty thoughts.

Thoughts about Donna, the way she blows up in people’s faces and lashes out so viciously. Thoughts about Mikey and how he was acting months before what happened. How he felt like he was being thrown to the sharks with him too. Got that same pit in his stomach like now…

They just kept coming. They do this really fucked up thing where they fill up in his brain, removing any distractions so his attention is on them. And they like to whisper at him. Tell him shit that he knows everybody would disagree too.

“You’re worthless..”

“You serve no purpose..”

“You’re a loser..”

He tries not to agree with them and let them win. But sometimes they’re just so loud and they remind him of—

Sydney’s chuckling but there’s no humor to it “You wanna talk about fucking ugly, Richie?”

—things he’d rather not think about.

Richie's grip tightens on him, Carmy flinches but doesn't move his head, "Cousin." No response again.

"You're getting too loud and you're holding your staff behind. Go step out for a minute, cousin" Richie whispers

Carmy glares at Richie.

Sydney voice calls from what feels like afar "Hands for Cannolis please."

“Yes Chef!” Fak says. Fak and Sweeps were the only ones out there. Richie can't be here all day, they have job to do. So he straightens up

"I'm serious." Richie gives him a hard stare. "Put on your big boy pants—“

“Don’t fucking tell me-“

“This is your restaurant cousin.” Richie continues, “don't you wanna see it exceed?" He emphasizes by sticking a finger out to Carmy’s chest.  

It was ironic to think about. All the other times Richie has brought up this place being Carmy’s, it was usually as a way to talk shit. This time though, he was being sincere.

Reminds Carmy of the times Richie would apologize for yelling too harshly at him when he was nine. Or when he tried encouraging him on his academics in when he was in high school. It's raw, close and loving. Cause Richie cares about him and his little dream of a fancy restaurant.

That what's makes Carmy pause.

He's still staring at Richie but it's no longer a glare. It's just painful and blue. Like how his eyes would get when Mikey and him didn't invite a young Carmy to any of their parties. It sends nostalgic wave down Richie's back.

Finally, Carmy was stepping away, a hand drags down his face. He briefly looked at the chef, finally out of the dream (or nightmare). The poor guy was shaken up, eyes stinging and nose runny.

"Fuck. I'm sorry.." Carmy raises a hand and the guy moves away. "Yeah I'll uh, I'll step out" 

The crew watches as Carmy walks from Richie and for the back door, his head low. The restaurant is silent again for a moment. Then Sydney calls out another order and the chefs are back at it.

Like Sydney said, they got her. Richie got her. 

.

The Bear was going great, amazing actually. It honestly felt unreal. The work, frustration, anger, fees oh the fucking fees and construction had paid off so smoothly. The restaurant was upscaled now, beautiful and classy. It was a complete turn around from the beef. 

The kitchen was sleek and pristine, no more random stains and ominous (possibly expired) food in the refrigerator. The chefs worked together strategically and were actually taking the job seriously.

Richie cleaned up pretty well and really improved on himself. He was still charismatic and raunchy. But during work he really toned himself down, became more softer and mature, stayed relaxed during peak hours, and Sydney has barely even had an argument with him in the past week. 

It was incredibly weird but Sydney was grateful for it.

She does get an aching pit of guilt every time they talk though. Mostly about the day she quit and the things she said (and did) to him.

She should probably talk to him about it and apologize. 

“Syd, you good in there?” Speaking of which. Richie taps at his forehead with his hand, the other holding the steering wheel as he drives. 

The night had settled and morning came, the blue and purple waves came to paint the sky as the sun began to arise. Chicago's mornings were cold and brisk as the weather changed and Sydney could see her breath visibly each time she spoke.

She shimmies in her jacket, Richies AC’s still busted but hey, he cleaned the car up pretty good. No more Arby's cups (or bags) scattered around the floor.

“Yeah. Just thinking.” She replies absentmindedly. Her body’s slumped in Richie’s passenger seat.

“Don’t hurt yourself.” Richie teases.

“I should be saying that to you.”

“Yo you’re gonna be old too like me one day.”

“Oof don’t remind me.” And Richie laughs.

“Cold blooded, Syd, cold blooded.”

For the past few weeks, they’ve practically been carpooling. It started off as a one-off's, or just plan b's incase it was super late and money was tight. In plus Richie offered and Sydney doesn't turn down free rides. She was more than fine with sitting in tense, awkward silence as he takes her home.

But then it kinda became a habit. Richie always offered and Sydney always needed to save up money anyway. 

Soon enough he was taking her everyday practically. They were listening to prank calls on the radio with small snickers and snorts by the absurdity. Sometimes quoting iconic lines to each other after work. Or listening in on talk about recent celebrity drama. Or maybe just sitting in silence as the engine rumbled.

The silence tension dimmed with every ride and soon enough, became comfortable and it was kind of calming. Something calm and quiet for once in the hectic world Sydney lived in. It was so so nice. To the point that Sydney was actually looking forward to the rides.

And Richie did that. So. Fucking. Weird.

She reminds herself to apologize. She'll find a way to. Kinda feels like it's a big conversation to have that needs time to be talked about.

But who was she kidding? Sydney chuckles at that thought. She doesn’t even have time for herself, let alone Richie. 

“What’s funny?” Richie asks softly. Softly, surprising isn't it?

Funny thing about Richie is that in the morning his voice is so low and soft with a slight rasp. It's like whiplash to Sydney every time she hears that calm and quiet voice.

She wonders what he looks like just waking up in the morning. What his routine is like. Maybe he makes weird old man noises when gets up. Maybe he drinks coffee. He looks like he drinks his coffee straight black.

Then she immediately shoves those questions down into the deep pits of her brain to discuss with herself about later when she finds the time.

Which she probably won't so she's fine with that.

“You saw that video I sent you on instagram?” Richie ask.

“Yes I did and that was not funny at all.” Sydney remembers that dumbass video (and the other thousand videos) he sent her. She regrets ever giving him her instagram account.

She did skim through his though. Just a tiny skim.

He mostly post about sports teams, family, or Taylor swift? Didn’t expect him to be a Swifite but no judgment.

She saw his daughter, he post about her a lot. She’s adorable. Got those same bright blue eyes like her dad.

Richie smacks his lips “Ehh you don’t get it.” He makes a turn, “You’ll get it when you're  my age.”

Sydney shakes her head, “Sure Richie, sure.”

The air between them is nice. Sydney liked it. Liked it feeling nice. She didn’t want to ruin that with weird feelings. She’s just gonna let the air be nice and not weird.

No weird air. Weird air can go fuck off. She’s not gonna be weird about this. She got better things to focus on, like the damn restaurant. And Carmy

Speaking of which, The Bear was doing good, stressful but good. A lot of orders means they’re getting a crowd. Means people like the food. Just need a new cook. They're good.

But Carmy. He's not good. Obviously. Sydney still doesn’t know what happened that night in the walk-in, but it was affecting Carmy and as a result, the chef’s workflow. 

They’re lucky Jacob didn’t quit after what happened last night, they don’t need to be short of two chefs when they could barely find one as it is. 

The new chefs, bless their hearts, have been getting the grunt of Carmy’s wrath. Mixed in with a couple of back and fourths he’s been having with Sydney. Which reminds her of Richie which gives her so much whiplash.

It’s like the two switched personalities on some Freaky Friday shit. Now Carmy is stressing her out more than anything.

Honestly, he's stressing everyone out.

He needs a break. (And he needs a damn hug, guy got a resting face of a depressed orphan puppy).

For the restaurant and for Carmy himself. Dude has just been so out of it it’s seriously scaring Sydney. When she’s talking to him, his gaze just seemed to be somewhere else so distant and far. Like he was in a different reality altogether.

Which Richie pointed out was weird cause he quotes, “always makes weird googly eyes at you Syd, kid’s obviously fucked.” 

Which is– 

Sydney’s not even going to go into that. No time for whatever the hell he’s going on about.

They pulled up into the parking lot, Natalie seemed to already be there. They come up right when she had gotten of her car, her hair blowing light with cold air.

Richie eyes her coat "She looks like a fucking eggplant.” He’s not entirely wrong.

She was wearing a warm looking purple jacket with a matching beanie, her hands shoved down into her pockets. She looked really snugged, probably warmer than Sydney is in this freezer like car. Dude really got to fix his AC.

But it's not like he has money for that anyway.

“You look like the grim reaper.” Sydney shoots back.

Small little smile grows on Richie’s face. He had on his infamous suit again, looks nice as always. And very professional. And that is all Sydney has to say about that damn suit. Not else. No other thoughts.

Richie murmurs as they pull up. “Better than looking like an eggplant.” And Sydney snorts. 

Soon enough they were out of the car and coming to Natalie. She looked very worried…and tired. Her eyes were big and round with just worry all in them and her eyebrows were scrunched upwards.

Sydney, Richie and Natalie were all huddled in a circle at the front of The Bear, mostly for warmth.

Natalie crosses her arms, feet antsy. "You know, I really don't think he's okay..." she kept her voice low and soft like someone who hear besides them two.

Sydney noticed how her lips folding in on one another every breath she takes in-between talking.

"He's been really out of it lately." Natalie adds.

Richie nods in agreement, arms crossed and frame high. 

"Was he ever okay?" Sydney says but immediately cringes at her wording. Richie and Natalie grimace at it.

Sydney's green jacket moves awkwardly with her as she tries to explain. "Sorry like- Was he, was he always like this but like-"  

"Was he always so distant and estranged? I mean for these past couple of years, yes." Natalie began to answer, nodding along,"Have I ever seen him so..like that?" She takes a deep breath.

Her eyes are drawn down, her fingers begin to play with the fabric of her purple coat.

"No. Never." 

Richie rubs a hand across his beard before grabbing his cigarettes. It'd be the first time in a while that Sydney had seen him smoke.

She guessed a new suit, proper manners, and calm mask doesn't fix a nicotine addiction and stress from work. She watches him as he pulls it out of his slick black suit and sticks one in his mouth. His lips aren’t necessarily pursed around the cig, more like dangling from the side of his mouth. 

They seemed a little smooth too. Must've some chapstick on them. Maybe she was staring too hard because when she looked away from the, Richie’s eyes were on her's curiously. 

She looks away.

‘stop it’, She scolds herself. No time to unpack or understand that.

Sydney turns her focus back to Natalie who hugs herself closer to her body. Her knit eyebrows creased her skin. She's looking at the ground as if the broken pavement and stomped out buds had the answers.

Sydney has bigger things to focus on. Carmy is the priority right now, not however the hell Richie smokes cigarettes or his lips.

"I don't want him working here," Natalie answers truthfully, "I understand it's his dream but, I don't want this to destroy him." Richie and Sydney get it.

It's Sydney who reaches out first, rubbing her arm soothingly. She gives her soft 'it's okay’ even if she doesn't believe it herself. 

“I told him that he spent too much time here…I told him.” It's a quiet remark that could barely be heard under the breezy wind.

Richie grasps her shoulder with a sympathetic nod as well. the same way he did to Sydney a previous night. 

“The kid’s not doing so great." 

Way to state the obvious, Richie. Sydney doesn't say that out loud.

But it didn't take a genius to tell what she’s thinking by the look she gives him. Richie ignores it. 

"The Claire thing has got em all screwed up right now." Richie continues. His words work around the cigarette. “He needs some time away from here so let’s give him that. Some time away from here and some support so he can get his shit together. Don't like seeing him like this.” Richie says that last part low.

“Yeah..” Natalie breathes.

It was strange how much he had changed in his week and it made Sydney think. Did he really change all that much?

 Or was he always like this?

She thinks back to when he apologizes for the gun. When he asks her if she's okay after somebody shot their glass. Took accountability and felt guilty for the cigarettes being left out on the stove. How he was trying to help her with those damn vegetables when everything went to hell with the pre-order shit. How he was actually trying to help everyone that day. 

How he didn't even give her shit for the knife.

‘Apologize to Richie about the knife’, She reminds herself. She should start putting some sticky notes on her mirror, her dad does that.

Sydney clears her throat and nods, "Agreed." She says simply, smoothing out her hair, "I'll text him that I can do interviews on my own."

Again, she thinks. Last time it was because of Claire too. Sydney didn't really know what happened to them, just that it was a pretty rough breakup.

She remembers trying to go back to comfort Carmy in some way that night. But the moment she was back inside, Richie had stopped her. 

He had an inordinately soft look on his face, his posture heavy with ache. She doesn’t know what happened back there but from the looks of it, Richie and Carmy must’ve gotten into it. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and shook his head lightly. 

It was the second time they had gotten close that night, the same good smell from earlier coming in to fill her senses. He rubs the thick hand on her shoulder as he dragged his palm up and down in a soothing gesture as if she was the one who’s hurt.

“He needs some time” is what Richie said that night, “Just go home, Syd, he’ll be okay.” Sydney remembers it vividly. 

She also remembers wanting to give Richie a hug, pat, or something to soothe his troubles away. He looked like he really needed a warm hug. Maybe something even warmer..

She also remembers trying to shove that thought down the moment it reared it’s ugly head nights after. She has no time for that.

"Interviews?" Natalie asks. "For what? I thought all our spots were filled."

Sydney thins her lips. "Yeah well uh, Josh was smoking meth out back so obviously..." She trails off but Natalie understands nods.

Half of Sydney wishes she didn't tell her cause Natalie looks like she was just given a stack of paper work to do.

Natalie sighs, "Fucker..."

Richie softly snort.

“Yeah." Sydney grabs onto her bag at the hip, feeling for her papers through the fabric as a way to remind her of their presence, "The interviews are going to start at 10." 

"Shit I'm sorry I can't help." Natalie softly murmurs, "I got an appointment at like 11:30." 

Sydney smiles, it doesn’t reach her eyes though, "I'll be fine, don't worry."

Natalie still looks worried but she smiles, thankful. It seems like a worried face is the only thing she pulls these days. She really needs a break. Her sleeping schedule was worn around her eyes. Her skin’s been looking sickly for a while and Sydney can’t help but think the stress from here is what’s causing it the most.

“Okay, well" Natalie whispers quietly and then glances at her watch, "I should probably go, just wanted to uh talk to you guys real quick." 

She goes in for a hug to Richie. Sydney watches the way Richie hugs her. He seems a bit surprised at first but he accepts no less. She watches the way he engulfs her into his arms. They wrap around her nice and snug with a lil squeeze and give her a soft lil pat on the back at the end. 

He really likes giving those tiny little pats. He even does it to pens, markers and papers.

He whispers something low and quiet that gets a weak but genuine chuckle out of Natalie before he lets go. He relaxes at the smallest glimpse of a smile from her. Like it was a make or break moment. It's really sweet to see him care so much.

Once again, Richie was surprising Sydney. 

"Bye." Natalie says as she now hugs Sydney. She’s warm and soft. Her hugs are surprisingly really comforting. But for some reason all Sydney can think about is how Richie’s hug must've felt. 

To be pressed against his chest of nice black fabric and good cologne. To have his voice dangling above her ear, whispering some shitty joke just to hear her laugh. Would he ever even give Sydney one if she needed it? Would he give her a little pat at the end?

Sydney brushes those thoughts away and returns the hug, squeezing just a bit too tight.

She whispers before letting go. "Take care of yourself." And watches a warm but exhausted and fragile smile slip on Natalie's face before peeling away. 

Soon, Natalie and her car were out of sight, leaving only Richie and Sydney. Alone. Together. It felt different from the car rides. Usually there's some type of low music, or just comfortable slience in the air as they drive to their destination. Now it feels weird.

It was quite early. Interviews don't start yet and they weren't exactly scheduled to be open today anyway. Sydney just came a little early to set up. Basically, there was no point for Richie to be here.

But he was anyway, standing around awkwardly. With a cigarette still lit, he takes a couple of drags.

“You don't have to stay, you know?' Sydney says and immediately regrets. "Like not in a mean way just like- if you're staying cause I'm here you don't have to." She fiddles with the restaurant keys as she speaks. “Like I don’t mind and-”

“Yo, I understand.” Richie looks down at her, seemingly amused. It was still so weird for her to see him so patient and relaxed. 

Sydney nods with a small smile as she gets the door opened. The sound of the door creaking is met with silence as the two stand in the doorway. Richie stomps out the cigarette.

"I can help." He says finally, his voice echoing in the empty restaurant. "With the interviews."  He clarifies, scratching a part of his beard. "If you want me too?" he says softly.

Sydney looks up at him surprised, "Really?" She says, slightly dumbfounded, "You, Richie, wanna help me?" she asks incredulously.

And Richie has to laugh at that. It's a nice gruff one with vibrato in it, the laugh bounces off the walls. He laughs like he gets it, like he knows and understands where Sydney’s coming from. 

Surprises, surprises.

“Cut me some slack!” Richie’s got a sly smile dancing all over his face, “I’ve been killing it this past few weeks.” He says humorously, “I’m like your little helper. Sidekick even.” 

And now Sydney’s laughing. It’s not a tense one nor a condescending one either. It’s genuine and real. Sydney notes that this was probably the first time she ever laughed with Richie and not at him and it's outside of their little carpooling. She doesn't know why but it makes it feel real.

Sydney, amused, replies. “Sidekick is pushing it.”

"Clyde to your Bonnie?"

“Clyde to my Bonnie?” She repeats.

“Yeah,” And Richie got a little smile on his face. “practically.” 

Sydney gives him a look, “Sure, Richie.” 

And Richie laughs again. Laughs that loud bright laugh. It makes Sydney’s smile widen and it's so weird because she used to hate it. She would always hear him joking or fucking around at The Beef, ignoring her so he could just kick it like it was a friday night. 

And his laugh used to be what really ticked her off.

Made her feel like he was laughing at her and her authority. Like some mean girl was making fun of her from school all over again. Kinda felt weird to compare a grown ass man to a mean middle schooler but Richie wasn't really known for being mature anyway.

Now though, that laugh doesn’t piss her off. Doesn’t frustrate her or make her angry. It doesn’t feel mocking or rude. It makes her feel warm and soft.

Maybe it’s because for once, it’s with her and she’s in the joke with him. He's laughing because of her, for her.

And it feels too fucking weird. Richard dickhead Jerimovich was giving her the most sincere look with crinkled eyes and a huge smile and she felt weird about it. 

‘Shut up.’ She chastises herself. Thoughts are for another time. (Time she still doesn't have).

It’s Richie who’s drawing her back to reality,  “Hand me some of the resumes,” He nudges her. “I know you would print them out like a smartypants.” 

"Yeah, because that’s what you’re supposed to do when interviewing, Richie.”

"That's what a smartypants would say." Richie says so facetiously with such a big smile. It should really irritate Sydney, it used to, but he doesn't.

Sydney shoves some papers in Richies face and his big fat smile. "Just take the resumes, Richard." And she's smiling right back at him.

"Knew it." He says. Their fingers brush one another when Richie grabs the resumes and Sydney’s very normal about it. So normal.

She watches as he goes through the papers, eyes darting from left to right. He looked focused, concentrated and actually invested.

He looks up at her for a moment and winks. "Let's do it sweetheart." 

"Richie-" 

"Yeah yeah sorry." He mutters playfully but genuine, "Don't call you sweetheart, sorry Syd." He nudges her a little with a playful smile crawling onto his face.

“Fuck off.” Sydney says to Richie.

But also to those stupid weird feelings that came up again.

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

Here's what I got so far for the starving Sydrichie fans out there. Next part might be more Richie centered idk idk. Let's pray I got the motivation to do a part two. This took about a few weeks but I'm really proud.

[sarka-stically]

im mad enough to make 2nd post and I barely post ever. this show was never high tv but this ep rly spat in the face of everything i liked about it. usually i try to be positive but here you got random list of all things terrible in no particular order (vaguelly chronologic who knows)

ALSO I dont take them probably assuming they would have more eps and then scrambling to fit the story in one episode as decent excuse... the stakes they set up in ep7 werent impossible to fix with one ep, they just wrote terrible episode

ed's entire character arc of 2 seasons being rolled into tiny ball and thrown in the trash. and no he isnt slipping or spiralling again, it isnt him being hot protective husband, this is him, character who spent 2 seasons trying and failing to be better and finally decided that the healthiest thing to do is to just drop the lifestyle that brings out the worst in him and pursue simple life THROWING IT OUT after finding out its not as easy as he assumed and he would have to work for it??? incredible fucking message david jenkins, if being better version of yourself is just lil bit inconvenient its not worth it go back to your crappy ways.

and NO its not him slipping, the tone of this whole thing is very distinctly victorious. and also NO the path he took now is not in any way different or better than the one he left. there is even fun triumphant vibe to him KILLING PEOPLE which was always treated as sth BAD for him??? literally absolute nonsense

what the fuck was that plot?? why are all pirates arrested?? when all they did was sink those ships?? i know this show tends to be cooky and silly and cartoony, but this was just absolutely random unexplained jump of stakes.

WHERE THE FUCK are all the other husbands of jackie. this is barely valid complaint but this stupid ep rly makes it look like swede is her only husband and I dont appreciate it

why the unholly hell did they spend entire season actually setting up crew as important, give them their own opinions and relationships to their captains, have izzy even mention that THE CREW is what its all about.... and then have them barely have any speaking roles in this episode and 0 plot relevance

that fucking PLAN??? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??? im sorry why the fuck did their plan include walking through the biggest swarm of brits while having mr noseless richie UNSECURED amongst them??? why even BRING HIM other than to have him there specifically so he can be the one to shoot izzy for future drama???

izzy. death.

i genuinely could be FINE with izzy dying if they wrote it decently. and id even be fine with it in this episode. if they made it fucking meaningful... but they had my man, mr famously skilled pirate catch random bullet because he is incompetent actually... bullet into the side of the body that ofmd physics say is survivable easily??? and then give 0 attention to it??

ed being there while he dies??? this truly makes me just feel like they killed him only so in hypoteticky s3 they can woobify poor ed some more... or even give him excuse to be narrativelly clean of any atrocities he does in name of revenge

but it makes no. fucking. sense. ed shluldnt be there saying ur my only family, ed has not treated izzy as family ONCE in this entire show, ed barely talked to izzy after first 3 episodes, he is NOT the person on that ship who cares about izzy the most of all. if anyone should be there while he fucking DIES its the crew. who has shown constantly through this season that they care about him, who he made whole speech about in THIS SAME EPISODE. im sorry frenchie did NOT carry izzy back on the ship to drop him on the floor and have ed who I REPEAT HAS NOT SHOWN HE CARES ABOUT HIM AS MORE THAN AQUITANCE SINCE LIKE EARLY S1 be the one to be there in his last moment.

I get izzy wanting to make amends but BOTH OF THEM SHOULD BE APOLOGISING, HE SHOULDNT VE BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS and ed shouldnt be framed as blameless in their relationship in izzy's last moment.

and what made me genuinely laugh was izzy saying that the crew is ed's family. they are literally NOT. everyone who was aboard the revenge either hates him or is scared of him, and I dont think they had enough reason to change their minds as ed hasnt rly spent any time with the crew and shown only care for stede. they are NOT ed's found family and this payoff and this found family line is so ridiculously not set up and not narrativelly deserved it makes me laugh.

overall absolutely ridiculizs episode it made me laugh and it made me angry and it also made me angry how quickly we move past that

[biologyologyy]

OK, sorry if this is too long

There are episode titles and concepts for nt3 already!! We just need to get views on nt2 for starkid to get them done

Bottle imps: it was originally supposed to go in between forever and always and time bastard. CCRP creates something called bottle imps, lil thingies that lead you to your soul mate. Bill manages to find someone, so he wants to help Charlotte find love. He will have to bend a few rules, and the bottle imps do NOT like that

Ms holloween: this is my FAVOURITE. At Halloween, ms holloway makes a deal with the lords in black to become a regular human, and will have to fight the bad guys tm without her powers!! There's already a three scene preview in a livestream that I can send if you'd like!! The LiB are kids and hanging out in her house!!

Frankenruth: basically, ruth will become a Frankenstein thingy after being kidnapped by a mad scientist (she and Richie were working at the morgue lol)

Becky Barnes climbed a tree: also really excited for this one, Becky and Tom are married and expecting, and someone from Becky's past (definetly a zombified version of her ex husband) will come back to attack them :)

Devils night: this one is a bit foggy for me. Tim has a crush on grace. Something is trying to kill grace and Tim will try to save her. Possible LiB participation and im PUMPED for more grace chasity

Finally, orb weaver: a sequel to yellow jacket, on the road, something is going after lex and Hanna, and they will need help of a dormant soldier who awoke from his slumber: most likely, it's McNamara (there's a part that mentions coffee lol)

Episode 1 will be bottle imps and frankenruth

Episode 2 will be Becky Barnes climbed a tree and Devils night

Episode 3 will be orb weavers and ms holloween

I'm SO STOKED!! And a lil desperate lol

i really want to see henry..... sorry the autism erm ok anyways these all sound so epic im very excited for nmt 3!! :D

[trenchcoatsbi]

speaking of pokemon we never finished legends arceus lmaoo

we got realllllly distracted by shiny hunting in the game- our favs of the ones we have are zubat (HE MIGHT BE AN GLY GREEN BUT ITS ACTUALLY SO PRETTY) GENGAR (doesnt change much sadge but i love gengar<3<3<3<3) SNORUNT which we just caught the last time we played, luxray, AND OUR URSARING NAMED HELDIG!!!! They were our first shiny in the game, a lil shiny teddiursa :3. TOMS i MUST know hat your favorite shinies are!!!!!!!! right now!!!!!!!! TELL ME ALL

-thesculksys (richie)

IM GONNA CRY SHINY LUXRAY IS SO LUCKY.. THE ENTIRE SHINY SHINX LINE IS SO UP THERE FOR ME BECAUSE SHINX IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE EVOLUTION LINES, AND ALSO YELLOW.

and also i love shiny furrett.....

AND SHINY BUTTERFREE IS PRETTY AND REMINDS ME OF THE PINK BUTTERFREE FROM THE ANIME..

and i love shiny meloetta and shiny victini (because i also love both of them) (have i mentioned i love mythical pokemon?) (have i mentioned i love meloetta and victini?) (have i mnetioned i have 2 victini plushies?) (have i mnetioned i have the special japanese victini from a limited event in like 2011 in my pokemon x cop-- sorry)

shiny sylveon & mew are a given.. theyre just so pretty

shiny eevee is also great hes just a lil fluff dog

i also really like shiny lanturn ive never owned one but i really want to.. lookit

[watchoutforthefanfics]

achievement unlocked 🔓 (part nineteen) || Streamer AU! Reddie (IT)

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: this prompt + BIRDS OF A FEATHER by Billie Eilish

Summary: Richie liked to play video games, and by some stroke of luck, it became his job. Being primarily known as Trashmouth on stream, he found his own little group of streamer friends and they became intertwined: The Losers Club. It never did feel quite complete, though. Well, until, he got his very own backseat gamer in chat.

TWs: cursing, talk of sex, mention of Eddie's mom, toxic parenting, emotional manipulation, crying, and shameless flirting.

[[A/N: This one starts as a sad one, I apologize in advance. Also, for future reference, what kinda pet names are we feeling Eddie should call Richie? Like Im kinda feeling the 'sweetheart'/'honey' train, but I could definitely see like a 'babe' too. So let me know on that!!! There is both wafflehouse hype and hate in this chapter, you shall never know my true feelings. And there is also a lot to get through so like... sorry about that lmao. ALSO,,, I GOT MY FIRST TATTOO TODAY !!!!! Yay. Anyway. Enjoy :))]]

Richie woke up to a hand on his arm -shaking him. He blearily tried to blink away the blur of sleep in his eyes.

"Richie, hey," a voice whispered out, soft and maybe scratchy, "-wake up."

He hummed, scratching at the collar of his shirt and stretching his arms out.

"R-Rich," Eddie, he realized Eddie -my Eddie, spoke, and his voice was shaking.

Richie near immediately shot up, grabbing his glasses on pure instinct.

"Eds?" He slid them on the bridge of his nose, and snapped his eyes around the room (Eddie was distinctly not beside him in the bed), and then, they caught on him.

Eddie was beside the bed, standing with his arms wrapped around himself protectively. Defensive, protecting himself, Richie could see that much. Gnawing at his lip, his hair was ruffled (like he had run his hands through it a little too much), and his eyes were shiny like... like-

Richie pulled himself up, scooted to sit at the end of their bed, and slid onto his feet -in one fluid motion. So quick that it made him dizzy for a second, it didn't last for long though (Eddie instincts kicking into gear).

"Hey, woah," he slid his arms down Eddie's arms -moving his head slightly to catch his eyes, "-hey, what's going on?"

Eddie's breath hitched in his chest, eyes only shining brighter, "I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you up, but I just-"

"Eds, no," Richie cut him off instantly, hands moving to hold Eddie's face -so he couldn't look away, "-don't do that. No. Wake me up every time. Do you know how much I would fucking hate you going through something alone?"

Eddie stared at him for a second, something smoothing along his features.

"I'm sorry," he finally spoke, shaky and quiet -tears slipping from his eyes (Richie felt his heart twist in his chest).

"Eddie baby, stop," Richie leveled, thumbs rubbing away at his eyes -diligently, "-Don't apologize for shit. There's no reason to, okay?"

Eddie let out a breath, slower, "Okay."

"Now," Richie kept his hands on Eddie's shoulders -ducking his head to catch his eyes, "-what's going on?"

Eddie pressed his lips into a thin line, and Richie's eyes flicked along his face in entirety. Trying to read anything. All he could get was... hurt, and it felt like a knife stabbed into his chest that he didn't know why-

"I don't know how-" Eddie started, and his breath was picking up, "-It doesn't make any sense, she shouldn't have fucking-"

"Eds, breathe," Richie tried to gain his attention, but Eddie kept going.

"-seen it. There was nothing but my fucking face, but she did. And Richie, she found me. She fucking found me-"

"Eds," Richie tried again, stepping to the side to try and gain his eye (his breaths were puffing through his lungs too quickly and his brain was burning with soothe, soothe, soothe).

"-I can't. I never wanted this to happen, Rich. I never fucking wanted to see her again-"

"Eddie," he finally pulled Eddie to face him -snapping his attention, "-breathe, baby."

Eddie blinked once, and swallowed -inhaling through his nose, sharply.

"Okay, now out," Richie hummed -gently, keeping Eddie's eyes on him, "-breathe out from your mouth."

The breath slunk out of Eddie's lips, catching just a little. Eddie frowned like he'd failed in some way.

"That's okay, Eddie baby, don't worry about it," Richie soothed, "-Let's do it again. In," he inhaled, "-out," he exhaled, "-in," he inhaled, "-out," he exhaled.

They stayed like that for a while, until Eddie's breaths evened out and the tension in his shoulders dropped. Richie watched, until he relaxed -as much as he could, anyway. He let his hands smooth down Eddie's arms and then back up -reassuring. He wasn't going to let go until Eddie told him to.

"Okay," Richie spoke, softly, "-now, talk to me."

Eddie took a deep breath in and just stared at Richie -big brown eyes swirling with things that made him want to scoop him into his arms forever. Protect him. Forever-

"My Mom."

Richie blinked once, a little confused. And then he remembered. The post. Fuck-

"She found the post?" Richie asked -cautiously (guilt sinking into his stomach).

Eddie nodded -lips into a tight frown. A real one, Richie wanted to see him smile.

"Fuck," Richie frowned, "-I'm sorry. I didn't think about that-"

"Richie, no," Eddie interrupted this time, voice rattling out of his throat (scared and shaky but also stubborn and certain), "-I want this. I want you. I just, I didn't fucking think of her seeing it. And it's... She won't stop messaging me-"

"What?" Richie furrowed his eyebrows.

"I told you, she found me, I don't-"

Richie extended his hand forward, "Can I see?"

Eddie pressed his lips together, thinking for a second. Richie patiently waited. (He'd probably wait forever for Eddie if he had to. For anything he wanted. He'd wait.)

With a shaky breath, Eddie unlocked it and placed it into Richie's waiting hand.

He held it there for a second, almost offering him an out (Eddie remained entirely certain), before pulling it to his eyes.

soniakaspbrak

Eddie, you don't know how hard it was to find you. My only son, do you understand?

You're my only child and you've left me. You ran away. You've left me helpless, Eddie.

I'm sick. The doctors say it's serious. Serious enough to be concerned. I can't take care of myself.

You're just going to let your own mother die alone? That's not my Eddie.

That's not my baby boy.

Think of your father, he'd want you here with me. Don't disappoint him.

Richie frowned. What the fuck-

soniakaspbrak

You can still come back. You can apologize and come back, I'm your mother, I'll forgive you.

You should be grateful that I still love you with what you've done to me. But I'm your mother, I'll always love you. Do you understand that, Eddie?

I love you much more than that boy ever could. You should know that. That boy will leave you alone, Eddie-bear. He won't care about you forever, not like I will.

Richie felt like he was burning alive, something biting up his throat. The messages kept piling up, one after another. What the fuck-

His eyes shot to Eddie (who was looking right back at him), fidgeting with his fingernails -picking at his cuticles. Richie immediately caught it, but he had to do something first.

"Eds," Richie leveled, "-Can I block her?"

Eddie gnawed at his lips.

"You don't need to hear this shit," Richie spoke, sturdily, "-but if you don't want me to, tell me, and I won't."

Eddie just stared at him, blinking. Looking at him like he was a little lost and Richie was the only thing he recognized. His bottom lip quivered, but Richie didn't move, not yet.

He took a deep, shaky breath in, "Yeah, do it."

Richie didn't hesitate, turning to the phone and blocking the account. With a quick motion, he turned off Eddie's phone -leaving it in his hand for a second.

"Can I hold onto this for now?" Richie asked, gently.

Eddie eyed it for a moment, before nodding, "Please."

Richie pocketed it, without a moment to waste. Stepping forward and gently extending his arms out, a question unspoken hanging in the air.

Eddie's eyes flicked between Richie's face and his chest (over and over). His lip quivered, and Richie watched his eyes start to get teary (something flared in Richie's stomach -god, he hated that Eddie had to deal with this). And then, he rushed forward into Richie -shoving his face into his chest and wrapping his arms tight around his body, hands gripping the fabric of his shirt.

Richie near immediately wrapped him up in his arms -like a shell, protective.

"I just-" Eddie breathed into his chest -teary and shaky (Richie dropped his head to kiss his forehead), "-I actually fucking... feel guilty. Even though she hurt me, I still... I know I shouldn't-"

Richie cut him off, moving a hand up to rub up and down his back (gently scrape of his fingertips), "There's no shouldn't, Eddie baby. It just means you care. You care so fucking much and that's good. So fucking good."

Eddie didn't say a word.

"You have the biggest heart I've ever seen Eds," Richie hummed, before adding, "-Well, maybe except for Ben, but he's like a fucking... angel that fell to earth-"

Eddie laughed a little bit, and Richie felt it thrum though his chest. Good.

"-Other than that, you're the biggest heart I've ever seen. You chew people out because you care, and that's an odd fucking thing, yeah, but still good. Great, even."

Eddie sniffled, and burrowed himself further into him -Richie tightened his hold, ever-so-slightly at the movement (because it felt like he needed it, and Richie would give him anything he could).

"I don't think-" Eddie's words were soft, spoken into the fabric of his shirt, "-Even if I did what she asked, she'd still... I could never be enough, Rich, never. No matter how hard I try-"

He moved instinctively, pulling his hands back to gently pull Eddie's face to his.

"Don't say that, Eds," he leveled, and his big brown eyes blinked up at him, "-you are enough. You'll always be enough for the people that matter, okay?"

Eddie was just staring at him, in a way that Richie was slowly grasping. Like he was fucking stranded in the ocean, and Richie was the lighthouse that guided him back. Or really just like... like he needed him. Not wanted him, because he was going through something, no, he needed him.

The thought rattled through Richie's head (Eddie needs you), and something in him steeled. Imma take care of you, Eds. I promise.

Richie brushed one of his hands through the side of his hair -combing it down with a smooth motion (Eddie leaned into it and Richie wanted to cry a little), "Like Bev, and Ben, and Mike, and Bill, and even fucking Stan. They care so much about you, so fucking much, and that's not even counting me-"

Eddie sniffled once, but his lips were smoothing into a smile -Richie wanted to keep it there.

"-I love you and care about you more than you will ever know."

Eddie's eyes were teary again, but Richie thought it might be for a better reason now.

"So, maybe," Richie continued, eyes solid on Eddie's (with one hand wiping away tears and the other threading through his hair), "-you're not enough for her. But you are enough for the Losers. And you're more than fucking enough for me. I'm stoked every day that you're in my life, Eddie Kaspbrak, with your big doe-eyes, and your huge fucking heart, and your sexy ass legs-"

Eddie laughed then and brought up a hand to shove at him -not hard at all, but Richie still took it as a good sign.

"In all seriousness," Richie took a breath, and Eddie followed his every move, "-you're safe and away from her, but sometimes shit like this still comes back, and that's okay. Ya wanna know why?"

Eddie responded, slowly, "Why?"

"Because I'm going to be right fucking here to remind you that you are safe," Richie hummed, moving to press a kiss onto his forehead, "-and cared for-" his nose, "-and loved-" his lips (the simplest little peck, just to show he was here), "-and whatever other shit you need from me."

There was a pause, as Eddie looked up at him with a hazy, affectionate sort of gaze. And then, he gently raised his own hands, brush his fingertips along the sides of Richie's face. A little like he was marveling at a sculpture or something, just in awe. (In awe? Of me? Fuck-).

"Thanks," Eddie finally said after a moment.

"Don't even," Richie smiled, and Eddie followed with his own, "-You know I don't take that shit."

"Doesn't mean I can't say it," Eddie pointed out, dropping his hands and wiping at his eyes (not unlike how a toddler would when they're tired). Richie caught it near immediately.

"You wanna go back to sleep now?" He questioned, softly.

Eddie eyed him for a second, thoughtfully.

"Actually," he started, maybe a little flustered, "-I have a weird... fucking request, I guess."

"Kinky," Richie slipped out with a shit-eating grin.

Eddie frowned, puffing out his cheeks and swatting at his chest, "Not like that, asshole. Just fucking..."

He fell silent, and dropped his gaze.

Richie gently put a finger under his chin -tilting his face back up to look at him again, and Eddie did so. Blinking at him a few times.

"Eds, c'mon," Richie soothed, "-I'm not gonna fucking judge you, not really. I wanna do it, just tell me what I'm doing."

Eddie's lips pressed into a thin line, and he pulled Richie's hand down (like it was bothering him), "I can't think when you did shit like that."

Richie furrowed his eyebrows, "Shit like what?"

"I don't know, just fucking-" Eddie huffed out, and Richie watched the red flame up his cheeks, "-that. Grabbing my chin between two fingers like that. It's just, I don't know, it's... like sly and smooth and fucking... confident, and that's..."

"Hot?" Richie asked, smirking.

"Stop it," Eddie pursed his lips together, eyes dropping to his lips for a split second, "-You're doing this shit on purpose, you asshole."

"Maybe a little," Richie confessed, before continuing, "-but seriously, Eds, what do you want me to do? No more funny business, I swear."

Eddie raised an questioning eyebrow.

Richie added, "Cross my heart and-"

"Don't," Eddie cut him off, sharply.

"Noted," Richie paused, before Eddie wiped at his eyes again, "-Eddie baby, come on, tell me what I need to do. You need to sleep. You're tired, I can tell."

Eddie huffed out a breath, "Are you going to make fun of me?"

"Not if you don't want me to," Richie answered -honestly.

There was a pause.

"Can you-" Eddie started, nervously, before sighing and starting again, "-Can you lay on top of me? Like with your head on my chest?"

Richie paused, rolling it over in his head -before carefully proceeding, "Why?"

"It's like... pressure or some shit," Eddie rambled a little -flustered, "-I think it might help me... calm down."

"Like a weighted blanket?" Richie asked -cocking his head to the side.

"Yeah, yes, exactly-" Eddie concurred, speaking a little anxiously (hand motions peeking their head out) "-I never... had one of those, but I've heard that it... that it helps. Is that... okay?"

Richie answered near instantly, soothing, "Of course, Eds. I said I'd do anything for you, I'm a man of my word, Spaghetti-"

"But if you don't want to-" Eddie tried.

"Eddie baby," Richie held onto his shoulders, "-I want to, okay?"

Eddie's eyes flickered along his face, maybe trying to see if he was lying (which he was not). Seriously, Richie was a clingy motherfucker and to sleep on top of Eddie? Sounds like fucking paradise-

"Okay," he finally said.

"Alright," Richie smiled, pushing him back slightly, "-you lay down while I put my shit up. Well, our shit up, because it's my glasses and your phone-"

"I know, Rich," Eddie laughed, pulling himself up onto the bed and laying there -more to the middle than anywhere else (Richie guessed he didn't have to worry much about space).

Pulling his glasses off, Richie placed the phone on the, now blurry, nightstand. After making sure it was not on the fucking edge, he slowly moved onto the bed.

He could virtually feel where Eddie was, but otherwise, he was a blur. A beautiful blur, Richie would say, but very much a blur.

"Are you sure I'm not gonna crush you?" Richie asked -somewhat genuinely.

"That's the whole point, dumbass," Eddie sighed, grabbing Richie's arms and tugging him forward with a huff, "-I have to do fucking everything-"

Richie let himself be guided, it was kinda easy with Eddie. He knew exactly what he wanted, and just fucking... took direction. So, he never really had to worry about 'what Eddie wants' because he always just... said that shit. Or, well, guided Richie to do it -such as now.

And he did so.

He pulled Richie up by the shoulders until his head landed right by Eddie's heartbeat -the thrum of it buzzing through his mind (it was so fucking calming). Richie could feel Eddie's jaw brush against his forehead, as he diligently moved Richie's arm -moving his hand to wrap over his shoulder. Finally, Eddie intertwined their legs. Like it was all perfectly pieced together, like he'd thought about this. And frankly, Richie wouldn't be surprised if he had-

"Are you comfortable?" Eddie asked, attentively (he loves me).

Richie (who was currently entranced by the smell of strawberries, the beat of Eddie's heart beneath his ear, and his body heat thrumming against his own) answered, "The most I think I have ever fucking been, Eds."

"Yeah?" Eddie laughed (it rumbled through Richie's head), but it broke into a yawn, "-Me too. I feel... I feel a lot calmer."

"Good," Richie hummed, moving his head to place a kiss on his chest (right onto his heart), before nuzzling back down.

Eddie giggled that time, the trademark 'tired Eddie' giggle. Richie was fucking pumped he got to hear it in person now, he was kinda in love with it honestly. All soft and sweet, and made Richie feel like he could fly to the moon.

"Goodnight, Eddie baby," Richie smiled, and he could feel Eddie's breaths slow -calm and routine.

"Night, Rich," he hummed, sleep-slurred and barely awake (it made Richie's heart sing), "-I love you."

Richie grinned, leaning up to leave a gentle kiss on his jaw, "I love you too, Eds. So much."

"So much," Eddie repeated, far away and distant -very much on his way to dream-central.

He waited until he heard his tiny snores before he dared to close his eyes. Just in case. But, when he finally did, Richie Tozier was out like a light.

The next morning, Richie, naturally, wanted to go all out. So, after a few minutes of playfully not moving when Eddie wanted him to (which ended up in a lot of bribery kisses, as planned), he finally pulled himself out of bed.

Before he could get very far, Eddie wrapped himself around Richie's middle. It made Richie stumble back a second, and he grinned.

"Ya need your Richie fill, Eds?" he laughed, but still moved his hands to wrap around him.

"You smell good," Eddie muttered, a little muffled into Richie's shirt.

Richie furrowed his eyebrows, "Do I?"

"Mhm," Eddie hummed, and it made Richie feel warm all over (love, love, love).

"I don't have any cologne or shit though," Richie explained, "-I just woke up, I'm probably fucking sweaty if anything-"

Eddie pulled back, looking at Richie -cheeks puffed up and a frown smoothed across his lips, "You're so fucking disgusting."

"Am I?" Richie teased, "-You seemed to fucking like the way my sweat smells, and I'm-"

"Shut up, asshole," Eddie shoved into him -hard, and Richie actually stumbled a bit (he was laughing his ass off at the current moment), "-I hate you."

"Wow, cool the dirty talk, Eds," Richie pretended to fan himself, suggestively raising his eyebrows, "-we may not make it out of this bedroom-"

"Shut up," Eddie repeated -shoving him again, but his lips were quirking up (so fucking beautiful).

"Hey," Richie shrugged it off, "-you're the one holding me hostage. I only get worse with time, you should definitely know that by now."

Eddie rolled his eyes, huffing out a breath. Doing a signature Kaspbrak move, he pulled Richie down by the collar and kissed him (the passionate, yearning, Eddie kind). For what reason? Richie couldn't tell you, but he wanted to know, personally, so he could do it again-

And then, he pulled back. Big brown eyes staring up at him -affectionate, soft, and syrupy, it made him want to scream. In a good way though, just so many emotions that all you can do is react. If that makes any sense.

Richie grinned, eyes lingering around Eddie's face, "Now we really aren't going to make it out of here."

"You're fucking infuriating," Eddie huffed out a breath, "-Let's just fucking go. What are we even doing?"

"I'm gonna feed you, my dear Eds," Richie hummed, kissing Eddie's cheek and guiding him into the kitchen (by intertwining their hands).

Eddie paused, asking somewhat genuinely, "You're going to cook?"

He pulled him onto the tile and turned to him, connecting their eyes -grinning, "You betcha."

"Can I-" Eddie started, before pausing -big brown eyes blinking up at him (they seriously could make him do literally fucking anything), "-Can I help you?"

Richie smiled, "'Course, Eds. I'd personally love to spend every waking minute with you. So, yes, we can cook together, obviously."

Eddie laughed (something twinkling in his eyes), before adding, maybe nervously, "I don't know how to do shit, so."

"No problem, Eddie baby," Richie soothed, immediately, "-I'm a great fucking teacher."

Eddie rolled his eyes.

"Okay, now," Richie clapped his hands, and spun on the tile for a second, "-What is your dream breakfast, Eddie my love?"

"That one's new," Eddie remarked, curiously (his head tilted, as he stared at Richie from the entrance to the kitchen).

"Yeah," Richie explained, "-I'm workshopping some shit. How do we feel about it, Spaghetti?"

"I like it," Eddie answered smiling, before pointing out, "-You also called me just baby last night too."

"Did I?" Richie furrowed his eyebrows, trying to remember (well, there was honestly a lot to remember, good and bad).

"Mhm," Eddie confirmed, "-when you were calming me down."

Richie paused, something a little like worry stirred into his stomach, "Right, yeah, I remember that. Speaking of, you're doing okay, yeah?"

Eddie stepped toward him then with the cheesiest little smile that Richie's ever seen (he added it to his Eddie files, naturally). And then he smoothed his hands along Richie's shoulders, saying -simply, "Yeah, I'm... better than okay. Very fucking happy, if you're worried about it. Which you shouldn't be."

"Yeah?" Richie hummed, using one hand to smooth Eddie's hair down.

Eddie stepped onto his tippy-toes (Richie thought it was the cutest thing in the world), and kissed him once, "Yeah."

"Good," Richie responded, maybe a little too seriously but it was important. Richie wanted Eddie to be happy, because he deserved it. Happy and relaxed.

"I do like baby, by the way," Eddie brought the conversation back, "-but not more than any of the other ones. With my actual name. I like those the most."

Richie asked, "Do you think I can get an official ranking? So I know how to use them... strategically."

"Strategically?" Eddie raised an eyebrow, "-What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You've got your eyes, your big ass fucking... enchanting doe-eyes that I would end the fucking world for-" Richie pointed out, "-I've got to use what I've got."

Eddie paused, "You don't think you have any shit like that?"

"Um," Richie paused, suddenly uncertain, "-no...?"

Eddie frowned, "You do. You 100% do. You do shit that makes me want to physically attack anyone who has ever hurt you."

"Well," Richie smiled a little, "-it doesn't take much for you to want to physically attack someone-"

"Shut up, you get my point," Eddie interrupted, "-but I'm so fucking serious. You do."

"Really?"

Eddie rolled his eyes, before starting to explain, "You have this thing. Whenever I get sincere or say some sappy shit-"

Richie interrupted, "Crying?"

"I told you to shut up, dickweed," Eddie repeated with no bite (but definitely a little frustration), "-I'm trying to talk."

Richie raised his hands in surrender, Eddie was not amused.

"When I say sappy shit, and you aren't crying-" he clarified, and Richie laughed a little bit, "-you do this thing where you smile and tilt your head like a fucking... puppy. But it's not a regular smile... It's fucking goofy. Like you're tipsy on... me. My presence."

"Lovesick?" Richie supplied.

"Well, um..." Eddie paused for a second, seeming to run it through his head, "-yeah."

"You're into that?" Richie followed up.

Eddie responded -neatly, "Obviously."

"Well," Richie hummed, grinning, "-I'll keep that in my back pocket then."

"You're such a dick," Eddie shoved at him, and Richie stumbled on the tile -laughing, "-What the fuck were we talking about?"

"Breakfast," Richie answered, before repeating, "-'What is your dream breakfast, Eddie my love?'"

"Right," Eddie hummed, seeming to process for a minute -face turning a splotchy red, "-I really like that one."

"Eds, Spaghetti, Eddie baby, Eddie my love," Richie listed before dancing toward him on the tile (not unlike he was ice skating -one long stride after another), "-mon amour, light of my life, mi corazón-"

Eddie giggled, as Richie moved to him -stopping right in front of him. With a breath, he kissed his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his eyes (after they closed -almost like he was absorbing the affection), and then his lips. Short and sweet, but still like he was offering his heart up on a platter. Soft enough that Eddie sighed into his mouth, and it made something in Richie sing -Eddie's fingertips slowly threading up into his curls.

Bzzt, bzzt.

Richie parted then, and Eddie frowned -cutely. He leaned back in and kissed him one more time (a peck really), picking up his phone.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

I'm coming over for breakfast

and to help unpack

and to see Eddie

⚠️ just a warning ⚠️

Because I love you guys, but if I see your dick again Tozier, I will be pressing charges.

Richie snorted.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

don't worry bevvy

u shall not be scandalized, we are both decent

last night though 😏

"Who is it?" Eddie asked, hand absentmindedly scratching Richie's scalp (he kinda wanted to purr like a cat at the attention).

"Bev," he answered diligently, "-She's coming over for breakfast."

"Shit, right now?" Eddie shrieked, cheeks bubbling up a harsh red, "-I need to get dressed, and fix my hair-"

They both were, in fact, sleep-mussed. And well... sex-mussed too. So, they did have like messy hair and skewed collars -telling of the night before. Richie, personally, loved the way Eddie looked at the current moment -he was pretty biased though.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

TMI, babe

but also good for Eddie

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

why not me ?

reddy.bevvy ✔️

Please.

I know you're a service top.

"Eddie baby, relax," Richie laughed (at both the text and Eddie scrambling), hands coming to smooth down Eddie's arms, "-It's not a first date. Plus, she kinda already knows what to expect."

Eddie furrowed his eyebrows, and Richie raised his a few times -suggestively.

Eddie turned bright red, sputtering, "She doesn't know that-"

"We got home yesterday," Richie started listing, "-You're a germaphobe, so the trip back is out of the question. We've been in a long-distance relationship for months and that makes the tension fucking crazy-"

"Shut up," he hissed, before grabbing his hand and dragging him away, "-Let's go get dressed, dickhead."

"Round two?" Richie piped up, not fighting him at all.

Eddie spun back to meet him, cherry red -shoving at his chest, "I said shut up, asshole-"

It should be said that Eddie kissed him pretty hard in there though, maybe because he wouldn't want to do it as much with Bev around. Which was a little disappointing for Richie, but he'd get his fill later.

After re-entering the living space, Richie took the lead guiding him into kitchen again.

"Now, seriously, Eds," he leveled, holding his eye, "-what is your dream breakfast?"

Eddie paused a second, thinking maybe.

"There used to be this place nearby in New York," Eddie started, fidgeting with his hands (cute, cute, cute), "-It had chocolate chip pancakes, but I never let myself go in-"

"As a form of personal torture?"

Eddie rolled his eyes, ignoring him and continuing, "-but I always wanted to go in. Ma never let me have sweet stuff when I was little, so I really wanted to try it."

All Richie needed to hear was the first part, honestly, but upon hearing the second, he was nearly dying to make them. How fast could you physically make pancakes? Could Richie do it in minutes? Seconds? Well, they had to cook-

"Chocolate chip pancakes it is!" Richie clapped once, before scrambling around to the cabinets -peeking through one after the other.

"Do you have this shit organized?" Eddie asked, eyeing him from where he stood previously, "-At all?"

"No," Richie answered -diligently turning to face him, "-that's why you're perfect for me, dear Spaghetti."

Eddie frowned (but was definitely hiding a smile), Richie felt fucking giddy.

"Plus," Richie hummed, "-you'd probably do it anyway."

Eddie shrugged, before asking -carefully stepping toward the other side of the kitchen, "What are we looking for?"

"Eggs, flour, milk, baking powder, and-" Richie started listing casually, before grinning and grabbing a little bag, "-chocolate chips!"

Before Eddie could say anything, there was a noise.

Knock, knock.

Eddie blanched -face going pale. Richie frowned, dropping the bag onto the counter and moving to his side.

Gently, he pulled Eddie's face up to his, "It's just Bev, don't worry. And I'll be right here the whole time, okay?"

Eddie let out a shaky breath, seeming to relax.

"And I'll get it," Richie hummed, brushing a hand through his hair, "-so you can prepare yourself a little. That alright?"

"Yeah," Eddie started, taking a deep breath in and out, "-that's g-"

"Stop making out and answer me, Tozier! Let me in! You've kept Eddie to yourself for too long."

Richie laughed, and so did Eddie -tension lessening in his shoulders. Richie kissed his cheek once.

"Duty calls, Eddie baby," he grinned, "-Because she will definitely bust down the door."

Eddie laughed and shoved him toward the door -turning back to the cabinets.

Richie followed him for a second, just staring. Eddie Kaspbrak. In my apartment. In our apartment. Mine, my Eds, my Spaghetti-

He blinked and turned back toward the door.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he called out, quickly unlocking and opening it, "-don't get your panties in a-"

Bev pushing past him so hard that he almost fell backwards, Richie righted himself.

She spun to him, "Where is he?"

"In the kitchen," Richie answered, and before he could say anything else, she was off like a rocket.

He locked the door and scampered over to the kitchen. I promised Eds I'd be there, so I'm gonna fucking be there.

"Oh my god! Eddie!" Bev almost squealed, scooping him into a hug -Richie watched red dust along his cheeks (love, love, love), "-It is so nice to see you, what the fuck."

Eddie laughed, hugging her back -maybe a little flustered, "It's so nice to see you too, Bev."

"Ugh," she shot back, but not too far -Richie saw a flicker along his face that seemed almost overwhelmed (he took note of it), "-How are you? Is Richie treating you well? If not, you tell me, I'll kill him, I swear-"

"Jesus, Marsh," Richie laughed, gently moving her back slightly, "-let the guy breathe."

"Shit, sorry," she echoed out, taking a step back and letting out a breath, "-I'm just so happy to see you. Seriously."

"Me too," Eddie smiled, a soft genuine kind, "-and I'm very happy Bev. He's... good. He takes good care of me, I promise."

Richie nearly fucking preened. Happy, happy, happy-

Bev's face morphed into a grin, "I'm glad. You two deserve it."

Richie pulled Eddie into his side, and kissed his temple once. Like he couldn't help it. Which he couldn't so-

"What are we making?" Bev eyed the few ingredients pulled onto the counter (Eddie had somehow gotten all the dry ingredients out in that short amount of time -somehow, he wasn't surprised), and finally faced Richie.

He pulled away from Eddie, after squeezing his arm once (I love you), answering, "Chocolate chip pancakes. Or my dear Spaghetti's dream breakfast."

"Wow," Bev laughed, "-you really are treating him well, huh?"

"Yes ma'am," he chimed, pulling out the eggs and milk from the fridge -eyeing the expiration date for a second (because of the trip).

"I checked all that shit already," Bev interrupted (she had housesat while Richie was gone), clearly catching his gaze, "-Oh! Actually-"

Richie watched her.

"This," she dug into her pocket, and pulled out a shiny key -motioning to Eddie, "-is for you, Mr. Kaspbrak."

Eddie blinked, staring at it for a few seconds. Before very gently pulling it into his hands, careful and considerate -like it was precious. Richie eyed him, something odd about his reaction.

"Ya alright, Eds?" Richie bumped their shoulders, was that too much? Did he not want one yet?

"What, yeah," Eddie cleared his throat, eyes shooting up to match Richie's and then shooting to Bev's, "-It's just... I'm really here. With you guys. With you, Richie. I'm not in New York anymore and I'm... I'm staying. That’s… I’m not fucking gonna be miserable anymore.”

Richie grinned, but before he could say anything, Bev did.

"I'm so happy for you, Eddie," Bev chimed, smiling -wrapping him into a half hug (Eddie leaned his head into her shoulder). It made Richie want puke his heart out, he loved them so fucking much.

When they separated though-

"Close your eyes and cover your ears, Ms. Marsh," he chimed, big and bright.

Eddie's eyebrows furrowed, as she scrunched up her nose, "I'll just go to the living room for a couple of minutes."

"What are you-"

Once Bev was out of the room, Richie crashed into him -pressing their lips together so quickly there was an audible click. Tipping Eddie backward until he was met with the counter, which he yelped a little at (it made Richie laugh). Eddie relaxed nearly instantly after that, hands coming up to wrap around his shoulders as Richie's landed neatly on his waist. Eddie hummed into his lips -sweetly, and it made Richie's heart flip in his chest -he wanted to hear that sound for the rest of his life. And then, Eddie was pulling back, eyeing him a little like it was all a mystery but also with a look Richie could identify as fucking dizzying affection.

"What was that about?" Eddie breathed out, and the puffs smoothed along Richie's skin.

"Our apartment," Richie hummed, kissing along his jaw, "-You're finally fucking here and it's ours. You're mine. My fucking boyfriend, in our apartment-"

Eddie giggled.

"-and you're fucking happy, and I'm taking good care of you-"

"Okay, okay," Eddie pulled his face back, smiling, "-I think that's enough. For now."

"Okay," Richie stressed, "-but later?"

"All bets are off for later," Eddie chimed back, grinning. Richie wanted to sweep him off his feet and carry him away, and he almost did it-

"You guys aren't fucking, are you?"

Richie burst into laughter, and Eddie turned a new shade of red (that Richie filed away in the Eddie files, per usual).

"Tragically no, Bevvy," he hummed, and Eddie shoved into him -hard (he honestly almost fell on his ass), "-we are decent. Despite my best efforts-"

"Shut up," Eddie hissed out, punching his shoulder -Richie only laughed harder, folding in on himself, "-You're such an asshole. I fucking hate you."

Richie made a kissy face, trying to land one on Eddie -Eddie pushed back on him, laughing, "You love me, Eds, don't lie-"

Eddie was pushing at his shoulders (not far enough to be out of his bubble, Richie noted), and laughing loud, "Get away from me, asshole-"

Richie huffed, jutting out his bottom lip (most definitely pouting), putting his hand on his head like he was a fainting damsel, "My beloved has left me stranded, without love, alone-"

Eddie was laughing harder -eyes scrunched closed, and Richie couldn't stop himself from laughing with him. And after a breath, Eddie grabbed his face and leveled it with his own -grinning so bright that Richie thought maybe he could fly.

"I love you, dickweed," Eddie laughed out, holding Richie's face so tenderly that he kinda wanted to cry.

Richie grinned, tilting his head to the side, "I love you too, Eds."

Eddie rolled his eyes, affectionately, and pulled him forward (close enough to kiss, Richie would say), "You're such a-"

"You guys are actually so sweet," Bev hummed, and they jumped in place -Eddie's hands tight on him (like he needed protecting, Richie wanted to cry his eyes out), "-it's a little disgusting."

"Awe, I'm sorry, Bev," Richie frowned, playfully, "-We can't accept a third, Eddie's territorial. Like a little chihuahua-"

"Shut up," Eddie shoved at him.

"I can tell," Bev smirked, motioning to Richie's neck (Richie's eyes dropped like he could see that shit himself), and popping a chocolate chip into her mouth, "-Tragically, I am too. So, it wouldn't work."

"Hey," Richie laughed, stepping away from Eddie but firmly wrapping an arm around his shoulders and dragging him over, "-those are our ingredients, Marsh."

"Because you were cooking, right?" she shot back but still put the bag down, "-On Eddie's face?"

"This is so embarrassing," Eddie flushed, trying to tuck himself into Richie's side even more.

"Don't be embarrassed, Eddie," Bev interrupted, soothingly, "-We're all adults here, and it's Richie. I've seen way worse."

Eddie furrowed his eyebrows, "Worse?"

Bev leveled, seriously, "You don't wanna know."

Richie rolled his eyes, "She just saw me naked, Eds."

"She saw you naked?" Eddie pursed his lips.

"Indoor concert," Bev hummed, fidgeting with her nails, "-a naked indoor concert."

"I lived alone," Richie huffed out, defensive, "-I can be comfortable-"

"What song?" Eddie asked.

"I Will Survive," Bev answered, grinning a little, "-hairbrush, and off-key vocals and all."

Eddie snorted, and Richie flushed.

"Hey," he poked into Eddie's side, "-you're supposed to be on my side. Your boyfriend, remember?"

"It's funny," Eddie smiled, before leaning to pinch his cheek -nose scrunching up after a minute, "-plus, it sounds cute. Except for the naked part. Does that mean you've been naked like fucking... everywhere? That's disgusting-"

"That's not what you said last night-"

Eddie turned cherry red and frowned -the cute little one with puffed-up cheeks. Richie's fucking favorite. And then, he started swatting and shoving at Richie, and he burst into fucking laughter -dodging what he could.

"You're such a fucking dick-"

"You know you can't argue, Eds, because you were all about-"

"Boys," Bev spoke up, mid-laughter, but trying to cut it back, "-can we refocus? You guys can do your... thing, later. I'm fucking starving."

Eddie shot up, cheeks still so red (fuck, Richie loved him), and pursed his lips. Richie followed, wiping at his eyes, and shooting over to kiss his cheek once.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, Bev," Richie exhaled, shaking his hands a few times, "-Jesus, he's a funny motherfucker."

Bev grinned, flicking a chocolate chip right at his face -it bounced onto the counter and Richie picked it up and popped it in his mouth (he could almost hear Eddie’s nose scrunch), "You're stupid in love, Tozier."

"Fuck yeah, I am," he grinned, pulling out a bowl and moving like it was the most practiced thing in the world.

"You too, Kaspbrak," Bev pointed out, and Richie went to look at him -his big brown eyes already trained on him (Richie felt his heart flutter in his chest), "-You're not getting out of this scot-free."

Eddie rolled his eyes, cheeks still dusted with a red but moving to Richie's side -dragging Richie's free hand over his shoulder-. (He probably should've said that he needed that to cook, but you know what, he could deal.) And with a breath, Eddie leaned against him -cuddled into his side, and Richie got a whiff of strawberries.

"Yeah," he finally said after a moment, "-I know."

Richie grinned so brightly it hurt, but kept moving -Eddie trying to follow the movements. When he realized that, he started slowing and explaining himself -pulling up the measuring cups and letting Eddie fill them, answering all his questions, and letting him mix. It was all the-

"Disgusting, seriously," Bev pointed out, after a moment -both of their eyes shot to her, "-but I love it. You guys are freakishly perfect for each other."

Richie opened his mouth.

"Please," Bev swatted her hand, dismissively, "-don't let me interrupt, I've already got a picture for the groupchat, continue."

"Wait-"

reddy.bevvy ✔️

image

benny.boy.official✔️

they look so happy together ☺️

big.bill ✔️

Is that a hickey?

reddy.bevvy ✔️

yes

stan.the.man ✔️

Disgusting.

I'm happy for them.

Patty says to tell them come visit soon.

mike.me.up ✔️

I can't believe it

trashmouth is in a cute, healthy relationship

stan.the.man ✔️

Don't know if you should call it healthy, Mike.

Patty told me to apologize.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

we should really just add her, huh ?

big.bill ✔️

Why is Eddie so red?

stan.the.man ✔️

Richie 100% made a 'last night' dick joke.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

spot on, Stanley

mike.me.up ✔️

at least it's founded

like he actually does know that

big.bill ✔️

Ew, Mike.

I'm trying to eat my wafflehouse All-Star Special.

stan.the.man ✔️

I'm sorry, you're at wafflehouse right now?

big.bill ✔️

It's only 11 dollars, Stanley.

It's a great fucking deal.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

wow, Bill your life is sadder than Richie's rn

how does that make you feel?

big.bill ✔️

Fuck you guys.

Talk to me when you have, eggs, toast, hashbrowns, a waffle, and bacon for only 11 dollars, assholes.

mike.me.up ✔️

what the fuck is happening ?

benny.boy.official ✔️

where are Richie and Eddie?

reddy.bevvy ✔️

image

[It was a photo of the two cooking pancakes. The batter poured onto the griddle, and Richie lightly held onto the spatula, guiding Eddie to check the bottom. Eddie was entirely focused on the task at hand (so much so his tongue was stuck out), and Richie was completely wrapped around him -eyes set on his face. Just like maybe Bev had snapped the picture at just the right moment. Richie was grinning like an idiot. Well, even more of an idiot than usual. His eyes were fucking... twinkly. Happy. Happier than he'd been in a long time.]

mike.me.up ✔️

wow, rich is a goner huh

benny.boy.official ✔️

he looks at him like he's the sun

that's so sweet !

big.bill ✔️

Shit, he's like seriously in love.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

ohhhhh yeah

this is his favorite breakfast

and they've barely gone two minutes without touching

stan.the.man ✔️

I hate that I think they're cute.

mike.me.up ✔️

anyone who has eyes would, Stan

don't beat yourself up about it

big.bill ✔️

Damn, trashmouth Tozier in love.

That's fucking insane.

stan.the.man ✔️

What's insane is you eating at wafflehouse, willingly, by yourself, Bill.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

guys

big.bill ✔️

who said I was alone?

mike.me.up. ✔️

👀👀👀

stan.the.man ✔️

Please tell me you did not bring a date to wafflehouse, Bill.

big.bill ✔️

...

stan.the.man ✔️

Even Richie is MAKING his boyfriend breakfast, Bill.

Richie Tozier is showing you up.

mike.me.up ✔️

it is kinda pathetic, Bill

I have to be honest

big.bill ✔️

Audra is enjoying her All-Star Special, thanks.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

Audra?

the one with the moneybags dad ?

you took her to wafflehouse ???

big.bill ✔️

She's never been 🤷‍♂️

stan.the.man ✔️

I'm done with this conversation.

Bev, tell Richie to call me. Patty wants to talk to the two of them.

mike.me.up ✔️

no me too

there's only so much cute couple shit and Bill shenanigans I can take

I'm only a man

big.bill ✔️

🖕

reddy.bevvy ✔️

guyssss

don't leave me

what the fuck am I supposed to do ?

stan.the.man ✔️

Stare at them and wish it was you.

Like everybody else.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

you're literally married ???

stan.the.man ✔️

Not me.

Obviously.

benny.boy.official ✔️

I can still talk, Bev !

I don't have anything for an hour or so

reddy.bevvy ✔️

thx ben

you're my hero !!!

benny.boy.official ✔️

it's no big deal

It'll be nice talking to you :)

stan.the.man ✔️

Okay, now I'm really done with this conversation.

And then, hours later.

e.kaspbrak

Fuck all of you.

e.kaspbrak saved 2 photos from chat

[freshbakedbreadstick]

No. 1 Party Anthem - Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader - Chapter Three

Past!Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader

Carmy Berzatto x F!Platonic!Reader

Richie Herimovich x F!Platonic!Reader

Summary: The promise of taking your return “one step at a time” seems appealing until you realize that it comes with being vulnerable. And being vulnerable makes you run. 

Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of the content. Heavy spoilers. Mentions of death, toxic relationships, grief, angst, strained relationships, minor injuries, arguments/yelling matches, details of anxiety/panic attacks, bad coping mechanisms, mental health issues.

Word Count: 4.1k 

A/N: Hi besties ! ! ! Im so sorry this took so so so long for me to update, unfortunately life had other plans for me lol ironic how i'm writing about anxiety attacks while i myself was dealing with having one basically everyday . Don’t worry about me though , worry more about the heavy angst your gonna read lolllll anyways this one was fr a doozy to write and edit so take breaks when you need it but i promise things will get better in the next chappy ! ! Also, i made it extra long to compensate for my late post lolllll I still hope you all enjoy ! <3

Taglist: @marysucks-blog @shinebright2000 (your both sweeties ! ! ty for being on my taglist, extra love 4 u n for everyone who gets on the taglist <3)

Chapter One / Chapter Two / Masterlist

The sky outside your window was a deep shade of blue with black bleeding into its edges. Not a peep of the morning sun had made it into the sky, keeping it a lighter shade of the usual night sky. 

Your hands gripped the edges of the sink as you looked into the mirror, the cold ceramic making goosebumps appear on your skin making you shiver in your pajamas. Your eyes traced your mirrored face, moving from the creases on your skin to the deep, dark bags underneath your eyes. 

You got no sleep last night as you were on the cusp of making a decision you weren’t exactly sure was a good one, but was a decision you wanted to make regardless: you were returning to The Beef and taking it one day at a time, just like how Richie said. 

You didn't even know why you were returning anymore, you just sort of felt a calling when you stepped foot in the kitchen you vowed to never return to.

Your shoulder twitched as you thought about the kitchen of The Beef. You could feel the ghost of Carmy's hand searing into the spot on your shoulder where he rested his hand for a brief second as he passed behind you.

With a shaky breath, you looked down and turned the sink on to splash some lukewarm water on your face. It was time to get ready. 

After quietly moving about mindlessly in your room, you were ready. From one of the many boxes shoved in the back of your closet labeled "The Beef", you pulled out ivory wide leg linen pants, covered in colorful pigments, a cropped sleeveless black top, and an oversized sweatshirt that had a graphic of The Beef on the back. You sighed, looking at your old 'chef' clothes. 

Suddenly, you were pulled into a memory. 

You walked into The Beef, grinning widely as you made eye contact with Richie who was behind the counter. There, he was preoccupied with counting cash from the register but instantly perked up upon seeing you walk through the front door.

You were wearing your ivory linen pants and cropped top as well as the oversized sweatshirt. It was a staple outfit you often wore when helping out at The Beef. 

Richie clapped his hands as you held up and lightly shook the white paper bag in your hand. 

"Hallelujah, my prayers have finally been answered!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands into a prayer formation. 

You snickered and placed the bag on the counter before gently opening it up. Richie then shoved his hand in the bag, making you laugh and scold him. 

As you two playfully bickered, a hulking frame walked over from the kitchen and over to the entryway that led to the front of the restaurant.

"What'd ya get me, baby?" 

You turned to the doorway of the kitchen where Mikey leaned against the frame, his toned body taking up the entire space. One hand rested on his hip while the other stretched up, gripping the top of the door frame. 

Noticing that you were busy ogling at your boyfriend, Richie took the opportunity to quickly grab his dessert from the bag and start eating it feverishly. 

You beamed at him, cheeks rosy, "I got us all our favorite cream puffs from the bakery down the street. The last ones too!!" 

Richie took another bite of his cream puff and groaned, mouth covered in sugar and muffled as we went on and on about how this was exactly what he needed after a long day. Meanwhile, Mikey let go of the frame and slowly made his way to you, eyes locked with yours. 

As he approached you, his gaze never left your own, making you flush. Fuck, his eyes were always so intense. 

You held up his own cream puff, making him lick his lips as he stopped in front of you. 

The world seemingly disappeared around you as he murmured quietly, only loud enough for you to hear, "Feed it to me, baby?" 

The front door slammed behind you, making you jump and grimace. 

"Shit…" you whispered to yourself, not meaning to make so much noise as to avoid waking up your parents.  

After locking it much more quietly, you grabbed your tote bag full of supplies and rushed down the steps to your car. The sky was still dark, but was lighter than before making you anxious about getting to The Beef on time. 

The streets were dead and silent as you passed the green lights. Occasionally, another car would pass by, making your heart race as you feared you would accidentally have your plans exposed early. After all, nobody knew you ended up making this decision to fully return. 

After parking a little down the street to keep your car hidden, you sat in your car, mind replaying the memory of Mikey. You can see the pink flush on his tan skin, making him look so... alive. You can see the way his chest rises as he breathes in, pink lips parting as he breathes out. His hair was well kept despite a long day at The Beef. Before you, he looked well. 

He looked alive. 

But he was dead. 

Your grip on the steering wheel weakened as your arms felt numb. Your hands had even begun to get sweaty, slipping down the steering wheel. 

Your Mikey was dead. 

It has been over half a year now that Mikey died. 

As you continued to sit there, the windows started getting foggy and the interior got stuffier and stuffier, making you feel like you were suffocating.

It's been over half a year since Mikey had died. 

Your right hand had begun to slide its way from where they fell onto your lap and to your tote bag, shaking. Your breathing got faster and faster, your heart racing right until… 

Your fingertips hit cold metal.

Your heaving chest froze, your shaking hands froze, it even felt like your rapid heartbeat froze. 

Slowly, your fingers curled around the keys and pulled them out. They jangled as you pulled them up to view. 

The keychains, all unique and worn down from years of being stuffed into pockets, bags, etc, glistened under the streetlamp. The small square keychain that contained a photo of you and Mikey, squished together but grinning during a trip to Coney Island years ago, seemed to glare at you as it turned in the air to face you.

You threw the car door open and shoved yourself out and onto the street, stumbling as you tried not to fall onto the cold asphalt. Hot tears streamed down cheeks, feeling out of place and unexpected despite your emotions in that moment. You hiccupped to yourself, trying your best to bite down on the sleeves of the sweatshirt to muffle your crying. 

“I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine,” you repeat to yourself, trying desperately to stop the tears from continuing.

You dragged your bag from out of the car, yanking it, body flailing forward as the heaviness of what was inside set in. You hurriedly locked your car and crossed the street, steps heavy as you rushed towards the back door of The Beef.

With a pause, you quickly wiped your face with your limp hands and took a shaky breath. The metal back door was slightly rusted around the metal edges, making it look old in a way that made you shiver as you thought of the night you came here and saw it for the first time in months. With your eyes squeezed shut, you twisted the knob of the door, hoping to find it locked.

Lucky for you, it still was.

You let go of the breath you didn’t realize you were holding in and brought your keys up to unlock it. By now, the sky had barely started to get specks of yellow and orange; you knew that any moment now Carmy would probably arrive. After all, you reminded yourself, he would be the kind to aim to arrive before anyone else and start prepping for that day’s meal service.

You quickly shoved the keys into the lock and it clicked open. After accidentally dropping the keys as if it was hot metal, you got back up and swung the door open, pushing forward over the threshold to turn on the lights. 

You blinked as the lights slowly illuminated the steel appliances of the kitchen and the white walls. It was completely silent, aside from the subtle buzzing of the fluorescent lights above you. It was oddly calming too, standing there in a place of chaos where there wasn’t any. It made the knot that had formed in the pit of your stomach slowly unwind. You were terrified that being in here, alone, would cause you to scream, cry, throw things, or just do something, but you were relieved to feel that you just… you felt… fine. 

Your feet shuffled across the kitchen and to the lockers. Instinctually, you went and stood in front of the locker you used to use and reached up to open it before pausing. 

With a quick step back, you hummed to yourself. You haven’t been there in so long and because Carmy has since taken over, there is a good chance that the locker you left abandoned was repurposed for someone else, but something inside you pushed you to unlock it anyway.

The locker clicked and creaked as you opened it, your eyes widening to find it empty. You eyed each corner before looking down to see a clean and neatly folded apron resting there. The sharpie writing underneath the logo of The Beef was smudged after years of washes and rewrites, but you could still make out your name in Mikey’s writing. 

You reached forward, the canvas fabric of the apron feeling soft under your fingertips as you gently traced the curves and corners of your name. 

Your throat tightened, making you pull your hand back fast, as if burned by the touch of the fabric. 

Exhausted at your own reactions, you rolled your eyes, “Fuck, this is so stupid.” 

You grabbed the apron and shoved your tote bag inside. After changing your shoes to some non-slip ones more appropriate for working in the kitchen, you threw the apron on.

The clean scent of fresh laundry invaded your nostrils, making you sniff as you realized that this was very recently laundered. Your eyes closed and your shoulders sagged, it must have been Sugar that found this somewhere in the mess of the office and cleaned it for you.

You wiped down the front counters and restocked the cups, knowing exactly where it was that all these things were kept in the kitchen. You couldn’t help but chuckle to yourself as you noticed the paper sign you laminated and stuck to the wall where the cups, utensils, and plates were kept was still there after years. The paper itself was wrinkled and the writing was blown out, having suffered a water related accident courtesy of Richie before you decided to laminate it and stick it back on. Your writing said ‘Please place all disposables here! Thank you (:’ and underneath it was Richie’s messy, blown out writing saying ‘Don’t tell me what to do!’.

By the time you had finished doing the small tasks you used to do in the front, the backdoor swung open with a loud, "Hello?"

You stood up and whipped your head to the doorway of the kitchen. Carmy's voice echoed out again. 

"Richie? Are you here?" 

You quickly ran around the counter and to the doorway, pausing awkwardly once in view of Carmy, "Uh, hey. It's actually me."

Carmy's eyes widened briefly, surprised to see you, "Oh… hi." 

You shifted your weight from one foot to another. 

His blue eyes looked at you up and down, "You uh, found the… the apron, huh?"

You looked down at your apron and nodded to yourself, "Yea yea I found it in my… in a locker." 

Carmy nodded and moved forward, moving to set his things to his own locker and prepare himself to work, "Richie was the one who, uhm, told me where your locker was and I found your apron in the office so… I cleaned it up for you."

His voice got smaller and smaller at the very end of his sentence, making your chest tighten at the mention of where your apron was found. 

You fiddled with your fingers, "Oh you did?"

Carmy hummed in affirmation, gesturing you to follow him as he moved around the kitchen. He led you to the fridge, showing you to some of the empty labeled bins. 

"Help me with restocking these?" 

Everyone else came in that morning, surprised to see you but trying their best to cover up their curious stares and questioning glances to one another. But you, once again, found yourself standing in the kitchen with a knife and cutting board, chopping the vegetables needed for the day. It wasn’t a menial task, prep was extremely important, but the lack of movement made you feel a bit useless. 

After all, you once helped run this damn place.

But you continued, not saying a word to keep the flow going. The key word was that you ‘once’ helped run the place and you didn’t anymore. 

When Richie came in, he yelled out upon seeing you, "Cousin!!"

You put your knife down turned around just in time for him to hobble towards you and wrap his arms around you. 

"Cousin, what are you doing here?" He said, excited. 

You chuckled softly, "I'm here to help but I'm taking it one step at a time." 

He smiled at your words, reminded of your conversation from yesterday. Then, he stepped back, put his hands on your forearms to get a good look at you, and, in a low voice, said, "Are you okay here?"

Your shoulders sagged as you sighed, "Yea yea, I'm fine… but are you?" 

Richie chuckled and nodded his head, “Ah some stupid little stab isn’t gonna kill me. You would need a boa constructor or something like that to do the job… or whatever the hell Eva mentioned she saw on her field trip to the zoo…”

He muttered the last part under his breath, making you smile and giggle to yourself, forgetting all your worries for a split second, before Sugar’s voice brought you back.

“Oh my gosh you’re here?!” 

At the tone of her voice, you jerked back and away from Richie’s grip. Your smile dropped before you quickly plastered it on again, nodding in her direction. But this action wasn’t kept unnoticed, like how you hoped; Richie’s own smile slowly fell into a frown, eyebrows creasing as he looked across your face, trying to read what was going on and why you stopped smiling when you saw Sugar. 

Sugar raced over, smiling but eyes looking concerned, as she wrapped her cardigan around her body, “Hi sweetie! How are you? It’s been a while and I was going to reach out to you.” 

Her normally comforting and kind demeanor made your eyes narrow. The way she spoke to you… it felt… not good. 

But you shook this feeling away, unsure why exactly you were feeling this way over Natalie, one of your previously closest friends. She cared about you, always checked in with you, and for pete’s sake she was your dead boyfriend’s sister! You were as thick as thieves at one point in life. 

“At one point in life…” you mumbled to yourself.

“What’s that?” Natalie asked, reaching out to gently place a hand on your forearm in concern. 

You jumped slightly, having been lost in thought for a second, “I’m fine, sorry, just lost in thought.”

You looked around the kitchen and felt yourself shrink as you realized that everyone there was stealing glances in your direction, eyes quickly turning away when you glanced at them.

“Can i just…” you began, feeling yourself grow more and more agitated.

Natalie nodded, trying to encourage you to say whatever it was that you wanted to say. Richie continued to scan you, head tilting to one side as he tried to piece together what was going on.

All of a sudden, the clanking of pans and the warmth of the flames being turned on started to get louder and hotter. It was like they were right up against your ear, despite being over 5 feet away. Your breath began to irregulate, some deep and heavy and others shallow and fast.

Noticing this, Natalie’s eyes widened, “Oh no, hey uhm, how about we go outside real quick?”

Richie quickly grabbed your shoulders and gently steered you forward and through the kitchen, to the backdoor. 

Carmy, who was in the front at the time of you three talking, came out when he saw you all rushing to the backdoor, “What’s going on?”

“She’s having a panic attack, we are going to get some air!” Natalie said, loud enough for it to echo across the kitchen and over to where Carmy was standing, in order for him to hear over the noise of the prepping.

This seemed to get you out of your stupor. 

You didn’t realize that you were frozen and being led out of the kitchen until in that moment when Natalie seemingly announced to everyone there that you were having a panic attack. In the restaurant that you used to help run. Like it was nothing.

You could feel eyes hitting your back. Although you couldn’t hear it, you just knew that there were whispers either happening or going to happen the second you walked out the door. 

And that made you lose it. 

Whispers that ‘oh, that’s his girlfriend’ and ‘she doesn’t seem to be taking his death well despite trying to move on with someone else’ and even ‘i heard she ran away from his funeral’. Whispers labeling you as so many awful things that you knew you weren’t, but they would never understand why you did it; why you left. No one would understand. No one right now understands.

That made you lose it.

You jerked your shoulders to shake off Richie and Sugar’s hands before pushing forward. You shoved the door, making it swing all the way open with a bang and stomped out. 

Natalie and Richie raced after you, alarmed at your sudden aggression. 

You crossed your arms, a grimace on your face, as you turned to look at them as they stood in front of you.

“What’s going on??” Natalie asked, voice quivering with worry. Her arms winded around her body, hands clammy.

“Cousin, what was that?” 

It made you sick the way Richie’s hardened eyes pleaded for you to tell him what was wrong. But it was Sugar’s careful tone that just made it worse. 

You grit your teeth, rolling your eyes which took Natalie aback.

“Are you… upset?” she said.

You scoffed and threw your arms down to your side, “Are you serious? Actually serious, Natalie?”

Natalie jerked back, making Richie shake his head and speak up, in a calm but agitated tone, “Cousin, what are you going on about-”

But before he could finish, you interrupted him and yelled, “Oh my gosh just… stop!!!”

Your voice echoed in the quiet morning street. The sky was light blue and the sun was still orange as it slowly made its way up the sky. The birds chirped in a harmonious tune that practically said ‘today is a lovely day!’ to those who made their way around town that morning for whatever they had on their to do list. 

But here you were, outside of The Beef again, and this time angry.

“I’m fine!! I don’t know how many times I have to tell you and remind you but I. Am. Fine!” 

The two reeled back for a second, hurt written all over their faces as you yelled at them. 

Richie then straightened up and crossed his arms, his own voice getting louder by the minute “What the hell is wrong with you? Natalie is just trying to help.”

“Oh yea, ‘help’! By treating me like a fragile piece of glass that will break at any second, you're ‘helping me’, right?” with your hands, you quoted each word for help, voice getting louder and louder to combat Richie’s own booming voice.  

“Sweetie, I didn't mean to treat you like that…” Natalie whispered, tears forming in her eyes. 

You groan and turn away, “You talk to me like I'm a child and I'm sick of it!”

“What’s going on?” Carmy said, interrupting you as he walked out the backdoor to join you three, “I can hear you yelling from inside.”

But you ignored him and continued, “Why are you avoiding talking about what happened as if saying the word or his name is going to make me explode? Why?!”

Carmy blinked, “What do you mean why?”

“Stop pretending like everything is fine and normal and that you have to watch me around knives and give me baby tasks to keep me busy as if being around The Beef is going to kill me!” you growled, tears of frustration starting to run down your cheeks. 

Stupid tears. Such traitors. 

Carmy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Nobody is treating you like a child and I'm not giving you ‘baby tasks’, you know this.”

“Really Carmy? You're one to talk, seeing as you don’t even want to acknowledge or talk to me!” 

Carmy cleared his throat, voice low in an effort to control his own growing anger, “I’m not the one who is avoiding you or anything, okay? None of us are.”

Sugar covered her mouth and turned away from you, trying not to let the tears stream down her cheeks. Carmy turned, just in time to see her watery eyes. His jaw clenched as you seethed in front of him. 

“Listen, we all know you're grieving, okay? It fucking sucks that your boyfriend is dead but guess fucking what, my brother is dead and so is Sugar’s brother. Richie’s best friend is dead and everyone in here’s boss and friend is dead too. Your not the only one who is dealing with this so stop fucking acting like everyone here is out to get you for dealing with Mikey’s death!” Carmy blurted out, neck veins bulging as he leaned forward with every sentence. 

Sugar gasped and whipped around, “Carmy!”

“What? It’s fucking true! Everything has gone to shit, yea, but that doesn’t mean you're dealing with it alone! Mikey left a shit ton of people like you, me, and everyone else to pick up the pieces of his fuck ups, so stop acting like a baby and get to work, break is over.”

With that, Carmy turns around and goes back into The Beef, leaving you staring angrily at the ground with tears running down your cheeks and your fists clenched at your side. Richie softened at seeing you cry, but did nothing to prevent Carmy from going on his rant. 

Natalie sniffled quietly, wiping away at her tears as a few rolled down and hit the pavement underneath her. She then turned to you and smiled a watery smile, giving you one last glance of reassurance before turning to go back inside. 

As the door closed behind her, you broke into a sob, your once stiff body crumbling to the floor with a crouch. Your body shook, throwing all the adrenaline you had into each sob that wracked your body. 

With blurry vision, you didn’t see the way Richie sighed before he moved forward, arms wrapping around you with a clenched jaw. His own eyes were beginning to rim with tears as he held you, listening to your cries in agony get muffled into your hands and his chest.

Once your sobs turned into small cries and staggering breaths, Richie helped you get up and lean against the wall. He gently wiped your tears, fingers running the same path that he used to do when he found you upset after a particularly difficult argument with Mikey. 

Then, he left you there. 

He kissed your temple and turned to go back inside, leaving you alone outside with the chirping birds and the warm sun to contemplate what happened. 

“I really fucked up…” you whispered to yourself, sniffling.

And like the way you left from Mikey’s funeral and your exes out west when things got hard, you ran. You took your things silently and without saying a word to anyone about what you were doing and where you were going, you ran. 

[boyjoan]

hi partridge 🌟 would love a playlist if u're still making them 💌

Celia!!! I always smile when i see you in my notifs you are such a delightful presence <3 let's get TO IT

C - Cemetary Gates i AM a Smiths girlie im sorry but this song...i would literally go out tonight if i had a stitch to wear...

E - Evergreen by Richy Mitch and the Coalminers god this song is so beautiful i reccomend listening to it on the train!!!

L - Lunar Years by Maisie Peters listen. This song is on my "to understand me!" Playlist because it changed my life and is so personally significant.....i would love to share it with you <3333

I - if it all goes south by sammy rae and the friends!!! Such a joyful tune you seem like a joyful person maybe you will love this? It's a touch retro and very good to dance to!!!

A - almost (sweet music) i havent mentioned hozier yet but this song absolutely gets me and i must give him an honorable mention....<33333

Hope you enjoy darling much love to you!!!!!

[richietoaster]

im sorry but very respectfully, sara what the fuck?? did u mention that you had over 6k words written of in ten years time?????? HOW LONG IS THIS THING?? is it done yet?? DO WE HAVE A POSTING DATE??

and.. and also can u pls share with the class something from that?? a lil sneaky peak?? pretty pls??

HAHAHA okay ngl you had me hella concerned in the first sentence. I was like, what did I do lol

And yes nonny, you read correctly. However, she now stands at roughly 7.4k words. How long the entirety of it will be is still up in the air, since I'm trying to edit (yikes) as I write, smoothing out (probably unnoticeable as well) minor plotholes, AND rewriting/building onto some scenes from GAWG to insert them into ITYT, so Richie's story makes sense and doesn't feel so empty. Sighhh, It's a process. But I'm happily chugging along with it. So no sadly it is not done quite yet. I WANTED to finish and post it by New Year's Eve, but I do not think that's happening lol. It'd be a miracle tbh. However, I think I could get it done by the 2nd.

IN TEN YEARS TIME SNIPPET BELOW:

It’d be so much easier if they were still together. He’s tried the dating scene and nope. Absolutely the fuck not. Swiping right, left, up, down? Richie’s not interested in playing a fucking game of tetris just to date someone. He’s tried to forget about Eddie, tried to move on, tried everything he could.. Flings, casual dating, semi serious relationships and all- nothing compared. Nobody can compare to Eddie. Not that he was comparing- well, maybe only a little bit, but it’s not his fault that every single one of his relationships that he actually tried to make work, failed. Not one person has been able to recreate the warm and fuzzy feeling that Eddie had given him. No one else besides Eddie has been able to make Richie feel as safe as he did when they were together. 

Richie’s that guy who would use the stupid ass excuse ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ when having to end it with whoever he was with. Unfortunately for him, it’s not a lie, and it’s definitely him. All because he’s held up on his ex.