#IM SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR NOT WATCHING THIS SHOW WHEN IT WAS ACTIVE

[bittwitchy]

my gift is being annoying, see, i can hate myself and be so horrendously anxious that i think trying to make being alive easier for myself is somehow offensive to others bc thats how so many people online act like literally any accomodations not made by the doctors that dont care abt you at all are somehow unnecessary and ‘fishing for attention’ to the point i ruin myself and destroy my body avoiding accomodations bc i dont want to ‘seem like a bad person’ for quite literally needing help. but give me a tv show and 30 seconds with new information and i will either give you the most thought provoking theory or the most wildcard theory ever and always be correct.

[ilypaigebuckets]

Dating Kate Martin Headcannons!

little head cannon post bc i have so little written for kate! sorry i haven’t been active ive just been so busy but im otw to the lizzy mcalpine concert sorry just doxxed myself maybe?? idk but yay so fun but yeah im not busy after tn like no plans whatsoever 🥳

- kate definitely fell first

- i don’t think she’d be like ACTIVELY looking for a partner i think she just saw you and was like “yep i want that one” but was too scared to actually pursue you

- caitlin definitely had to hype her up to ask you out on a first date

- your guys’ first date is definitely something cozy and personable like a little coffee shop or cafe. even though it’s simple, kate would be so nervous. you guys spend the time together getting to know each other and for your second date you invite her over to your apartment that evening to watch a movie and have dinner

- she definitely kisses you on the second date bc she’s such a uhaul and already knows you’re gonna be special to her

- her love languages are definitely physical touch and quality time, and words of affirmation too!!

- she loves having full on cuddle sessions with you in the mornings, before bed, even in the middle of the afternoon when you guys have a spare moment to kill. she’s the self proclaimed queen of cuddles and always tries to scoop you up into her lap whenever she gets the chance.

- kate always wants to be touching you, no matter where you are. even in public, she’ll be hugging you from behind or holding your hand. her teammates have definitely had to tell her to cool it with the pda once or twice because she’s so enticed by you she totally forgets about everyone else around you two.

- kate’s always making time for you. even if you guys are just studying for your classes in silence or she meets up with you to walk you to your lecture, she enjoys it because it’s with you.

- she wants you to come to all of her games. one time you missed one of her away games due to a family get together and she was really upset by it. she wasn’t mad at you or anything, but she was definitely pouting about how much she missed you.

- kate is such a sweetheart to you. if you’re feeling down about yourself, best believe she will be able to tell!! she writes sweet sayings and positive affirmations on little sticky notes and puts them up on your refrigerator and bathroom mirror for you to look at.

- she loves taking care of you, to her you’re her little baby. if you’ve had a tough week, she’ll lay down with you to take a nap and after you fall asleep she’ll get up and tidy your room up a bit. you wake up feeling so grateful for her but she assures you that she’s just a neat freak and it was her pleasure to

- she’s a super patient, and i think she’d definitely find that attractive in you so i don’t think you guys would have too many fights.

- most of your fights are probably driven by jealousy on either side. kate loves you so much and she sometimes gets paranoid your eyes will wander somewhere else. you love kate just as much, and all of the fans writing flirty comments to her definitely makes you insecure from time to time.

- when you fight, you and kate never yell at each other. you’re more passionate, while she’s more calm and collected so you might shed a few tears trying to prove a point. once she sees that you’re crying, though, it’s game over and she squashes the entire thing and rushes over to hold you in her arms. she hates seeing you upset, and she hates even more that it’s partly because of her.

- kate definitely loves attention and gets annoyed/slightly jealous when you talk to her teammates over her

- “i just don’t understand why you were talking to caitlin for SO LONG y/n. do you think she’s cooler than me?” and she shows her little puppy dog eyes and pouts her lip at you and you almost fall for it

- nicknames: for kate, you definitely call her love, lovebug, baby, sweet little names like that. kate calls you baby, princess and have you guys seen her tattoo that says sunshine? she would definitely call you her sunshine too (i have a fic idea for this so lmk if you want me to write itttt)

[thecynthh]

how about we try that one more time? M.S

synopsis - matt wouldn't stop biting his nails and y/n gotta do something about it

notes - fully matts pov, childhood best friends, just kissiing nothing too mild,

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Matt's pov

i recently became more active on tiktok like nick requested me to be, despite not really knowing how to use the app i started to post next to daily as well as chris and nick. tiktoks of us just jamming out to songs always goes well so i started a little series showing the fans a new song from my playlist every two days while in between those i post whatever im feeling. 

today was the song locked out of heaven by bruno mars

“can i just stay here?”

“spend the rest of my days here”

“cus’ you make me feel like i’ve been locked out of heaven”

i look into my bathroom mirror singing along with the song, doing a little dance when the drums kick in again hearing the crash of the symbols. i’d admit, i thought i looked pretty good, my fit was on point that day and i was really feeling myself. 

sturnl00v3 : matty poo lookin a little too good today 

heartzplusstarz : struggling as a chris girl over here 😔

bernardluvver : living for the slutty waist !!

the whole tiktok replays again for the third time, after hearing it again y/n props herself up on her elbows and says, “god how many times are you gonna watch yourself in that tiktok??” y/n was usually this mean to me but growing up together as neighbors and knowing her all these years made me forgive her for all of it, she was there with me and my brothers throughout everything and we were all used to her “can do” attitude.

her legs were draped over my thighs and her eyes watched my phone intensively. “do you still wanna get kane’s later or do you wanna complain?” I retorted, making her drop back down onto the couch and hold her hands up. “i surrender.” 

i go back to scrolling through the comments seeing a few more. 

sturnz : damnnnn mans looking fine asf 

bluesturniolo : ANYTHING FOR U MATT !!!!

sturnontop : yalls see the outline…..

      ╰┈➤ bluesturniolo : i just know what’s behind his cargos 🤤

lessasturniolo : F ME LIKE U MAD AT ME BABYYYYY 

oh. oh. 

is that really all that they think about me? a shiver rolls through my body and my hand comes up to my mouth as i chew on my nails. a foot hits my hand out of my mouth, i give y/n the nastiest side eye while she looks at me like she didn’t do anything. 

“what the fuck was that for?” i raise my voice slightly. 

“don’t bite your nails you stupid fuck,” she says as a come back, i was unphased when she matched my tone. i ultimately just let it go and continued looking through comments. 

sturnnw0rld : girlies on tumblr gna go insane for this one matt

user92380 : id hit that. 

likelystrniolo : fuck me! please! 

despite what y/n said to me i continue to bite my nails, i didnt enjoy biting them but i couldnt help it. especially with these comments, they make me nervous and uncomfortable. with seconds of actually contemplating, my finger hovers over the delete button. 

suddenly i feel y/n’s body move and she begins to straddle me, uh oh. i stare up at her not knowing what her next move is, she rips my nails out of my mouth and connects our lips. 

i go along with her antics and reciprocate the kiss, she bites down on my bottom lip requesting access to the inside of my mouth. her hands find my arms and wraps them around her body with her arms snaking around my neck, pulling us impossibly close together. 

i put my hands on her cheeks slightly pushing her off of my mouth, our needy mouths disconnected. she gives an exasperated sigh and starts to open her mouth, “nick told me to make sure you weren’t biting your nails cus u guys had a nail appointment, that was the only way i could think about stopping you.” an innocent smile paints her face. 

“if i knew biting my nails could make you wanna kiss me i would be doing it more.” i saw when the same stupid smile bloomed on my lips as well. “so, how about we try that one more time before i start biting my nails again yeah?” 

a/n - christmas/new years present for yalls 😘

[skyethel]

What does Judith Butler know about loading her son’s corpse in a cab? What does she know about the horror of turning a taxi into a hearse?

im so mad. i've been in mourning and a state of constant rage for palestine for the past few years, and these past weeks have been especially devastating. while im not palestinian myself, i have friends and family that are, and i cant help but be on edge about the things they cant afford to think about right now.

i read their 'thought piece'. its nothing new on that front, and thats why it makes me so mad. im really struggling to connect with the blind, white-american privilege of calling for non-violence in the face of a genocidal apartheid regime. the fucking gall of these so-called western intellectuals to preach how rampant anti-intellectualism has become just to turn around and buy into some colonial playbook of peace shit is hilarious. people i thought were with me on this, not only on palestinian liberation but on liberation full stop, have been a constant disappointment. i cut off so many ppl i called friends over the absolute lack of grace and empathy they handled this with. when are white western 'activists' going to stop treating us like timed bombs of irrationality?

this part in particular kept coming up and made me feel like i was going insane:

"When, however, the Harvard Palestine Solidarity Committee issues a statement claiming that ‘the apartheid regime is the only one to blame’ for the deadly attacks by Hamas on Israeli targets, it makes an error. It is wrong to apportion responsibility in that way, and nothing should exonerate Hamas from responsibility for the hideous killings they have perpetrated...The necessity of separating an understanding of the pervasive and relentless violence of the Israeli state from any justification of violence is crucial if we are to consider what other ways there are to throw off colonial rule"

literally nobody is asking anyone to 'exonerate' hamas. hamas is a military organization fighting the US-backed israeli occupation with smuggled weapons that is active in 365 km² at best. hamas is not even in the orbit when it comes to comparisons to israel.

israel said it with its own mouth that hamas is a product of israeli occupation. this isnt a matter of opinion, right? or am i too far left to think that a brutal occupation will radicalize its victims? and they gave them the means to become a 'terrorist organization'? how are you claiming to care about palestinians if you don't bother unsubscribing from the very schools of thought that constructed the occupation in the first place?

some of you 'leftists' have been lying about what you've been reading because where are the frantz fanon quotes you like to throw around, huh? where's the malcolm x, the angela davis? where are your insta posts with chomsky's books?

holy shit WHAT OTHER WAYS?

keep our communities out of your mouth. we are not some thought experiment you can exercise your conscience on. we're watching an ethnic cleansing unfold, and instead of supporting palestinians so many of you are playing out your own little fantasies of the 'progressive' solidarity you fail to show. sometimes, you need to fucking stop and listen instead of consulting the higher morality police on whether you need to 'contextualize' your incompetence.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 7/16/2024

how your backyard hurricane go, the houston area? pretty good it doesn't seem

to be clear other than losing everything in my fridge and developing some mold around the windowframes IM personally fine and so are the girls and so is the lair. we lost power sunday afternoon and got it back friday morning (upside down smiley emoji x16)

listening

THREE CANONICALLY BISEXUAL CLUB BANGERS!!! also, trying out a new thing with spotify and youtube videos for songs bc my readership is about 70/30 and i want to streamline the process of actually listening to new music for ppl. it must be really annoying this week but that's bc there's three songs. sorry. it will rarely be this long

anyway.

ANXIETY by Lilyisthatyou is new to me, off the spotify autogenerated dance playlist. a chiller groove in the spelling-things-out genre of dance music. VERY flashy-lights music vid fyi

Why do I feel so alone? Does it show That I'm dancing to fill the void with pretty girls and pretty boys?

i know about kesha's joyride bc i happen to be an alive queer woman. im SO happy kesha is also alive and making music more regularly. this one is canonically bisexual bc kesha is bisexual. also a really flashy-lights lyric video. the most classically recession-pop/early KESHA sound of all three tuesdaysongs this week. im always fascinated when an accordion shows up.

Rev my engine ’til you make it purr Keep it kinky, but I come first Beep-beep, bitch, I'm outside Get in, loser, for the joyride

thank u new releases spotify playlist. also canonically bisexual bc the singer is, also an early KESHA feel but she is a metal artist first and foremost. very fun to headbang to at a stop light. i don't totally Love how it's an emasculating song but given how dudes in the metal scene generally are? i think she should make it more emasculating actually

Take you down a peg (And peg and peg and peg) If you're a macho man then beg (And beg and beg and beg) Bend you over the bed (The bed the bed the bed) It's time to take you down a peg (And peg and peg and peg)

-

reading

fun fact i still haven't seen this movie. i got this from the library the day before the hurricane proper and it gave me a really lovely two hours of not thinking about the active hurricane the day after. enormous format photographs! full-length shots of every look! ithe little personal notes from each designer were so fun to read, and i think this genuinely healed my heart a little. everyone was so excited to go into detail about what choices they made and what inspired them, and even though i would have loved more specific construction details, specific fiber types, and full-length shots of the Back of every look, i recognize i am a freak.

-

watching

watched a truly bonkers assortment of films at my bestie's house this week. her husband is big into godzilla and i sat down not really paying attention or planning to pay attention to Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024, dir. Wingard) but found myself actually paying attention. i unfortunately was a character i hate, Person Who Stops The Movie Halfway Through To Demand A Recap. loved these guys, whatever the fuck they were

the most fun thing about this movie is that it is not a silent film but it acts like one. there are long, long stretches of movie without dialogue bc all the political action is happening between a bunch of giant monkeys. this is going to sound like im damning it with faint praise but they really thought carefully about directorial and artistic choices here! there was a vision and they executed it! it's fun to look at and not just because there's a big monkey in most of the shots!

-

playing

got a look at characters for the new fire-themed land coming up this fall. ppl are understandably big mad that the land is based on Ring of Fire cultures and everyone is paper-white. i think it is correct to be mad and ask them to do better, and they have tweaked designs before release before, however, i don't think this will bring about a sea change in gacha games.

i am rolling along clearing out map markers and achievement hunting and my GOD are there a lot of time-gated achievements in inazuma (electricity-themed legally-not-japan). so so so many of them i originally got halfway through or did 1/5 and then wandered off bc i didn't realize there was a quest or achievement locked behind doing something for three or five days in a row. i now have a post-it on the corner of my monitor with nine different things i have to keep checking in on this week. please someone give me a REAL JOB!!!!!!

-

making

cross stitch progress. this was the only thing i did last week aside from shake like a chihuahua and sleep. very slow going! may have to ship the package off to my brother with an IOU bc it is already stressfully late.

made the bean influencer soup (creamy miso coconut butter beans). i made a batch before the hurricane last week so most of my notes are from then. the grocery did not have canned butter beans so i made the same thing (big lima beans) from dry. i have not made beans from dry since i was very small. these beans were so large, so pale, so aggressive.

changes: i was able to find a little carton of straight coconut cream at the grocery but they were out of miso paste. i did have miso soup mix and plopped that in. i also used frozen spinch bc it’s cheaper and i felt better about it than the somewhat questionable fresh spinch on offer. also used two onions instead of one and a hearty dollop of minced jarred garlic bc who do u think i even fucking am. i would have loved to use fresh dill, bc i did plant some and it was growing very well, but the caterpillars were very intense and ate almost everything on my balcony.

going in the rotation! im making it AGAIN as im typing up this post! pretty cheap, very tasty, i don't regularly keep butter beans or coconut cream in my pantry but that can change!

[neurotic-sinkhole]

thinking about how the reason i started watching hannibal was because i thought it was gay. i was under the impression that hannibal and the other dude i hadn't come to know yet were goin at it raw. and 17 year old, stuck in the incredibly unqueer south me was FOAMING at the mouth to watch it.

so when the show starts, i clock the vibe. i see myself in the scrungly, mentally ill man. particularly when mads mikkelson walks in and hes shakes like a little wet dog. it's like looking in a mirror.

but then the seasons go on, and i started to wonder... when do they kiss? when do they slam down, big style? will figuresbout hannibal is the chesapeake ripper and i'm like yes yes yes! gay evil men. but nooo, send him to the psych ward for your crimes. you could go to pound town, freak style, but neither of you can get your head of your asses long enough. hannibal stabs will and the music swells and im like oh!!! now!!! but no. rain and running away.

and then people are running away to italy, drawing gay fanart of each other old timey wimey. turning yourself in, within reach of one another. running away, refusing to face the truth.

when will went to break him out i was like GOOD! FINALLY! SOME ACTION! but nooo. then they're tumbling ass over tea kettle inti the damn ocean. to avoid their big, deep, gay feelings for one another.

when the series ended i was so pissed. i signed up for homo activity and while yes, there were two hot lesbians that honestly made me cement my personal queerness, i was bamboozled! this was the gay people show. supernatural was for emo girls, doctor who was for freaks, hannibal was for gays!

[chalicedefinite]

I have been on this tag since day one and the majority of the posts and blogs I've seen adore Louis. Pointing out canonical traits like him actively lying in Canon books and now the show as well is not being hateful or disrespectful. Saying episode 5 and the whole tale infact being revisited is Not fans of lestat being apologists. It is what Anne Rice canonically did with the Vampire Lestat and the books that followed. Louis is loved widely in this tag. Lestat is being hated on as a result of the villainous portrayal in season 1 which again Canonically is a tale (not a true one) being told both in books and in the show. A lot of people however took it too far with the lestat hate and started calling anyone who liked him names and then people starting to fight back and the rest is how we got to here. If there is no understanding to fans of both characters the two most loved characters in the show -who at the end of the series canonically end up together- then what the hell is the point of being in this Fandom in the first place? Please don't take this as a personal attack it wasn't meant as one but as another person's experience and thoughts of the fandom so far.

I’m going to be honest I find this very hard to believe that it was only just about liking Lestat.

I’ve gotten more hate and vitriol from Lestat fans ever since I’ve joined this fandom. I’ve never talked bad about his character and I make it very clear on my blog that I love him and that he’s my favorite character both in the show and in the books. And yet, because I calmly engaged with a popular blog’s theory about episode 5; everyday I wake up to hate in my inbox that I have to delete. Lestat fans have been nothing but disrespectful to me for no reason.

Im a Lestat fan myself and I talk about how much I love him all the time it seems and I haven’t been once called a racist. I’ve had anons accusing me of hating Lestat but never ones accusing me of racism. This is the second time someone has told me that Lestat fans are bullied for liking him when all I’ve seen and experienced thus far is the exact opposite which begs the question: Is it really because you like Lestat or is it something deeper that other people picked up on but not you yourself? 3. How is anyone’s rational response as a human to someone calling them racist for liking Lestat is to deny the systemic oppression of black people? This is the main thing that doesn’t make a lick of sense to me. How did we go from, “Users were attacked for liking Lestat” to “So a bunch of blogs are now starting to agree with and talk about how reverse racism is real.” I’ve gotten attacked for liking characters before and my reaction to that is blocking whoever is causing trouble and ignoring them. I got harassed to hell and back in the Voltron fandom for defending and liking Allura and never at any point was I thinking about how affirmative action is the real systematic evil plaguing society. If this kind of thinking was always in the back of certain people’s head as they were analyzing the show then it’s safe to say that people weren’t mad at them just because they liked Lestat. You can not properly analyze a show where a black man talks about how he was systematically oppressed for being black when you don’t even believe in systemic oppression yourself. How can you sit down and watch this show where Louis is constantly being put down by the white people around him, where he has to pretend to be his husband’s chauffeur, where you see white people burning a black neighborhood, where Louis and Claudia cant even sit next to Lestat and have to sit at the back of the bus and come out of it thinking that reverse racism exists in our society? Louis is the age of a lot of black people’s great grandfather, what he went through was not that long ago and the society he lives is still alive today.

4. What purpose would it serve narratively to have Louis and Claudia lie about episode 5? I’m leaving this question here because the last time I tried to have this discussion it led to anons hounding me.

[barzfrommarz]

Why do I still love c!wilbur so much?

small essay type post to just gush about c!wilbur

One thing that always surprises me is why I stayed with c!wilbur

Before cc!wilbur even confirmed the allegations, I dropped him and lovejoy because it was becoming way too stressful and way more obvious it was him even though he had became a special interest and a huge part of my life

So why didnt I do the same with c!wilbur?

Better question, why couldn’t I?

Maybe it’s because back in March of 2022, my online friends had just stopped being friends with me a week prior. Specifically on March 17th 2022 (correct me if i’m wrong) the first stream that kick started the apology streams happened. I think that’s was what reignited my interest fully, since I had changed myself so much for my ex friends since they hated dsmp so much and it was basically my entire personality

It was also an outlet to interact with people, since these specific friends were my only friends at the time.

It was so nice to have a community of people who love the same thing I love. Making art, fanfiction, theories even songs. It was great and it was definitely one of the best times of my life (in the recent years)

The days leading up to the final were the greatest but also the most nerve wracking, esp since I wanted c!wilbur to have a good ending and basically not die

Waiting for the stream to start on Sept 3rd 2022 was so exciting, I remember sitting in offline chat just waiting for a fucking minecraft stream to start. Something I had never done

Now im not gna critique the ending in this post. I have my gripes with the apology tour in general but thats not what this post is about.

It was surprising to watch. Not what I had expected but it had its charm and I grew on it eventually. Going on twitter afterwards kinda sucked but it stopped eventually

The community was still going strong. Even if our favorite character is completely retired. The love and passion was still there, especially for me. It seemed like my love for c!wilbur just got more intense

After the dsmp ended and 2023 rolled around, thats when I noticed things kinda slowing down a bit. I know why of course. Loveshit was kicking off for William so its obvious why more people gradually moved on from the dsmp and fan content slowed down. Including me!

I wont go more into it but it was disappointing for me as someone who just couldn't move on from c!wilbur and the dsmp to see everyone on all the main platforms I used move on. Yeah tumblr was still active but I didn't use it as much back then

Then of course, the allegations came out

Im not proud of how I acted during the first night. You could say I was very very delusional and willing to make up excuses and drown out a victim all for some white guy I didn't know.

Thankfully, the next morning I came to my senses a bit and left, soon after joining everyone in just waiting for him to respond. Luckily I had some great mutuals on twitter and we were all there for eachother, even though I was the least affected since I was more mad at the fact I wasted years of my life on him than upset.

You all know how the story ends, he responded and everyone hated on him blah blah blah

but throughout all of that, I still stayed with c!wilbur. Not any other bursona. I cant engage with any of the other bursonas because they remind me too much of william, so why is c!wilbur different?

Well one obvious factor is my autism. C!Wilbur and the Dsmp is one of my biggest and longest lasting special interest so I dont think its going away for atleast 2-4 more years atp. Who knows maybe ill be 24 years old still yapping about a minecraft server that I liked when I was 11

I also think its because of the dsmp community on tumblr. Yeah the c!wilbur part has gotten understandably smarter but the people who have stayed are awesome and cool and so creative but most importantly strong

We have all been through it. From the allegations to the shit we get from outsiders for showing slight interest in c!wilbur and the dsmp in general.

I also see it as one massive fuck you to William. Taking his creation for ourselves then actively hating on him in the process. Shipping the ship he has gone on record to say its not canon is also pretty cool

So I guess I just want to say thank you. I could not have kept my interest alive if it wasn't for you guys continuing to create despite the creator being a degenerate. This stupid little character has single handedly kept my passion for creation and art going so strong. If you look through any of my recent sketchbooks most of the pages have him on it. I got into wrighting and reading fanfiction because of c!wilbur (and c!tntduo but we dont talk about the fanfictions ive read). My point is this character means alot to me so to all the remaining c!wilbur fans...

Thank you, truly

[chanquokka]

Here's A Little Get-To-Know-You Tag Game!

Tagged by: de wonderfulest ppl @noonaracha @straykidsgallery and @itsstraykids thank you sm!!! (go appreciate their cool point stories!)

Name(s): juni! is what i decided. some friends on this hellsite also call me solar so wtv u prefer. atp i just have a bunch of nicknames bcs i also have a Weird Name, A Weirder (Family) Nickname in real life

Pronouns: he/she/they/it<3 when i say feel free. pls and thank u

Star Sign: libra, right when it starts (and just a day after seungmin's!)

#of Siblings And Fun Facts About Them(if u have any): one (1) younger gremlin brother, and the funnest fact abt them is that he has been a walking directory of telephone no's since he was 4 and now can be relied upon to calculate large numbers inside his head in point seconds. Still hates physics(and most things theory)> by which, he also stores insane and inane amount of stats info (abt all types of things, but mostly sports) inside his head ready to be flourished at a moments notice, which is mildly impressive when ur 6 and debating with college students the scores of a game that happened 15yrs before u were born but not now when ur 17 and ppl are more focused on your test scores rather than ones u know, so</3 also has his birthday on changbin's but he doesnt know abt that

#of Pets: there's a history there. with fishes that my ma deceived me with on my 12th birthday(when i asked for a pet, i imagined smth i could hold) and then liked too much herself that we had them for 5yrs. three times; birds, but my brother kind of freed them while singing a lullaby with only me as an unbelieving witness. a dog (belovedest of em all) my dad picked from street as a puppy and who, then, had to be given away after 3yrs bcs of Stupid Reasons im still mad abt. now i just have street cats showing up at my front door to safekeep their babies on my staircase's isolated nooks till they grow up and vanish and street dogs who believe i have endless supplies of treats and show me sad faces when i dont. i really want a pet</3 but for now im contending with pictures of kitties whose moms operate on strict 'see-dont-touch' policies and sweet sweet strays who like to befriend u too easy.

Fandoms: many, but rn im active mostly in skz and mxtx. id love to be in other stuff i read and watch but since Capitalism hates me dearly,,,

Favorite Color: darker shades of all and any colors(esp blue green and red)!!! can be relied upon immensely to look warm and pretty always

Favorite Song: picking favorites for anything is out of my capabilities. also am just listening to my favorite bollywood playlist a lot these days.

Favorite Author: have a working list of favorite poets that does not end at 1. have not read a book seriously in four years of exam/prep-locking. but even if i did, idt ill be able to pick any favorite bcs, yk. good things in many things. (tldr; its roald dahl) (and ruskin bond who i read when i was 5 and still read when im so tired bcs his stories inspire me to write always)

Hobbies: I dance(perform) sometimes? I write??(←derogatory, dubious) make stuff, mostly poems and stories and tinker with free things i can do, both online or craft. analysis of things with friends is a beloved activity. i liek yoga and stretching (rn in an ongoing war with 3° winter mornings to drag myself out of bed and go to class at 6) cooking when i have time but mostly, always, reading (or! watching) stories, poems and learning abt cool nonfiction things (does crying abt fiction count)

Favorite Holiday: none of the above its the trips and getaways u make for yourself. all my beloved memories are always mostly from when our family makes a trip to someplace my mom insists or there's a non-worrying emergency to go somewhere. just family getting together under some pretense, even tho it is stressful as fuck.

Do You Have Any Partner(s): persuading my best friend atm but sadly she's straight</3(no lmao)

Fun facts about you/anything extra you wanna share!: since im having it rn- coffee doesnt keep me up or sometimes even makes me nod off, a fact i discovered after my 14yr old brain had the brilliant idea to try out the cool, forbidden drink after dinner knowing i wasnt allowed to. this is not fun to my ma but growing up in a sort of restrictive household, im also just weirdly good at sneaking and doing stuff im not supposed to without getting caught. i also do not know how to talk in lesser words. this is an absolute curse, yes i have tried. beware</3

this^ is a mess but thank u i had fun!! lemme tag: @winterfloral @syannie @hyunhomoons @quokki @chogiwow @agibbangs @rainknow @lixence @hyunebear @straykidsgallery @jerirose @ambivartence @hongjoongpresent + anyone who wishes to! apologies if tagged already!

[closetsof-backlogged-dreams]

so, ik not a single person gives a shit, but fun fact/story time about me: i've never actually, in full, watched the last three episodes of merlin. i've been in this fandom for about a year, and have even written entire analyses on specific scenes in the last episode, so let me explain my madness lol.

when i was younger, maybe like 10 or 11, my mom was OBSESSED with this show. like, she'd watch it all the time. i could distinctly remember random scenes i walked in on, like when they try to execute Gwen and the soldiers pull Arthur and her apart, or that one random episode when Arthur is placed on that wheel with an apple in his mouth and knives are thrown at him, or, the one that probably left the most impact, was the entire ending of the show. i watched probably the last ten minutes of the last episode, and watched Arthur die and Gwen be crowned sole ruler of Camelot. i didn't really care tbh lol.

but because of that, i knew exactly how the show ended. i had also seen bits and pieces of the two episodes before, so i just generally had a vague idea of the final three episodes, arguably the most important in the entire series.

but then, i got older, and got more and more interested in fandom. and yk which fandom i saw in every corner of the internet? that goddamn show my mom used to watch as a kid. i always told myself i'd watch it at some point, but i didn't get around to it until they announced it was being taken off netflix. let me tell you, that was the binge session of my LIFE. i watched all five seasons (except for the last three episodes) within a week and a half. but when i had around half a week left to finish the series before it was removed, i completely avoided those last three episodes. i buried myself in fanfic, tumblr posts, and the like. then i found them all free on youtube, around two days before it got removed, and i just told myself i'd watch them later. newsflash: i didn't.

i've been VERY active in the fandom ever since (honestly way too active, im like mentally ill lmao) and still havent seen those episodes. i wrote an entire 3k word essay (that i had to cut A LOT from lol) about the series and even analyzed the scene where Arthur dies in a portion of it. now, i keep saying i still haven't seen those episodes, but that's actually untrue. because as of ten minutes ago, i watched them.

so what does that make this post? well, it makes it a warning, because i am going to be so completely insufferable about this series i am 100% sure someone is going to poison me within the next 72 hours. be warned—i am a changed woman now, and i am absolutely unstoppable.

[vespennn]

WELCOME TO VESPEN'S INSANITY ON DISPLAY

HELLO, HI. ITS ME, MYSELF, THE ONE AND ONLY VESPENNN, THE BRAN ROT CONSUMPTION HAS FINALLY REACHED ITS PEAK.

I WILL talk about EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING MY BRAIN OH SO DESIRES. FROM MY FAVOURITE BLORBOS, WHATEVER ART I PULL OUT OF MY ASS AND WHATEVER THOUGHTS PLAGUE MY EVERY WAKING MOMENT.

I WILL BE UNHINGED ABOUT SO MUCH, BUT EXPECT THIS LONG ASS LIST OF WHATEVER AUTISM STRIKES ON A WEDNESDAY EVENING TO BE TALKED ABOUT, NO SIDE BLOGS IDC ITS ALL IN ONE PLACE:

TV, SHOWS, MOVIES:

LEGO JOKER (THE LEGO MOVIES ARE NOT SAFE)

CAPTAIN HOOK (DISNEY VILLIANS WILL BE STALKED DOWN)

SHE-RA (SO WHAT IF CATRA'S REDEMPTION ARC WAS RUSHED, IT DOESNT PLAGUE MY EVERY THOUGHT)

INSIDE JOB (TAKEN TOO SOON)

GRAVITY FALLS (THE INNER THEORIST WILL NEVER NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT, WHAT LEAD TO THE ABERRANT SMP THEORIES)

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS (I CAN'T FIND THIS GODS DAMN SUGAR BOWL)

OWL HOUSE (HUNTER WOULD'VE ATE THE GALAXY WOLF ERA)

AMPHIBIA SO WHAT IF U CAVED WHEN GRAVITY FALLS REFERENCE

CARMEN SANDIEGO (BLAH BLAH DR BELLUM PEAK CHARACTER DESIGN)

STEVEN UNIVERSE (GARNET AND AMETHYST FUSION PLAGUES MY EVERY BEING, TOO GAY FOR KID ME)

KIPO, SO WHAT IF THE PACING IS WACK

HILDA, ITS JUST SO WHIMSY

HAZBIN HOTEL & HELLUVA BOSS (UHMMM MAINLY STOLAS AND SIR PENTIOUS)

TROLL HUNTERS (IM NOT MAD ABOUT THE FINAL MOVIE YOU ARE)

MYSTERY OF AARAVOS (SO WHAT IF IM PROCRASTINATING THE MOST RECENT SEASON SO WHAT)

TROLLS (OKAYYY THE LAST MOVIE WAS PEAK)

ADVENTURE TIME (SSSSSSIMON PETRIKOV)

ANIME:

CASTLEVANIA (ALUCARD IS SO HOT)

DUNGEON MESHI, WOAH HEY

KAKEGURUI (GAMBLING AND LESBIANS, MY FAVOURITE)

ATTACK ON TITAN (PEAK WRITING, PEAK SHOW)

JJK (CRUNCHY ROLL SUBSCRIPTION ENDED BEFORE I COULD FINISH WATCHING

SHADOW HOUSE (SO WHAT IF IT INSPIRED MY MAIN OC, SOOO WHAT)

THE PROMISED NEVERLANDS (AS A MANGA READER, NO I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THEM)

STUDIO GHIBLI (I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS)

GAMES:

GENSHIN IMPACT, SPECIFICALLY THE ONE AND ONI ARATAKI ITTO

HONKAI STARRAIL, MAINLY BOOTHILL SORRY NOT SORRY

UNDERTALE (METTATON IS SERVING ALWAYS.)

RED DEAD REDEMPTION 2 (MAINLY ONLINE BC IM TOO POOR FOR STORY MODE, GET READY FOR PILFER PETTIFOGG)

STARDEW VALLEY (MR QI, HOLY MOLY)

DEAD BY DAYLIGHT (NUMBER 1 DWIGHT HATER)

ULTRAKILL (GGGABRIEL ULTRAKILL)

COOKIE RUN KINGDOM (STARDUST AND AFFOGATO ARE SO COOL)

DETROIT BECOME HUMAN (ERM UHM,, HANK THE HOTTEST)

SMILE FOR ME AND GREAT GOD GROVE (HABIT IS SO PERFECT)

MINECRAFT (MCRP IS WHERE ITS AT EVERYONE)

OTHER SHENNANIGANS

ABERRANT SMP OC, JAMIE VESDIRAS YOU WOULD'VE LOVED T2 (TEA SHOP)

WHATEVER OCS I PULL OUT MY ASS

WELL HOPEFULLY THAT COVERS EVERYTHING (I DOUBT IT)

I'LL TRY TO BE ACTIVE BUT I MAKE NO PROMISES, AIN'T GOT NO CLUE HOW THIS GOD FOR SAKEN WEBSITE WORKS (ONLY USAGE WAS TO READ COMICS FROM THE RIPE AGE OF UNDERTALE PEAK) ANYWAYS, ALL ART IS ON MY INSTAGRAM PLSSS GO FOLLOW, VESPENNN

[pasta5284]

whenever i see posts talking abt like. fandom. like "whats ur unpopular opinion that will make the rest of the fandom mad" or "whats ur fav thing abt ur fandom" or "sitting in bed rotating my blorbo in my mind" or whatever im like. lol. i have not felt passion in so many years. ihave not had the brainspace to get deeply involved in any sort of media/fandom/content in so many years. i have spent the last few years especially an empty shell for anxieties. a body that walks arnd and does stuff and talks to ppl and technicalyl engages in interests but there is no real engagement anymore. its all going thru the motions. and this is not an entirrly unfamiliar feeling 2 me ive been depressed+ since like middleschool. but at least when i was younger i had shows and games and hobbies and i coulr lose myself in them. i haad anxious thoughts impulsive thoughts intrusive thoughts etc but my head was also filled w fun or interesting thoughts abt my ocs, the media i was into, my hobbies etc. but now there is nothing. i barely even listen to music unless im driving. when i am laying in bed all i think abt are the problems im facing or my own insecurities or whatever. anxious andd depressing and paranoid and. yeah. even when i consciously try 2 think abt things i like there is nothing. i feel nothing its hard to think of things to think abt. headcanons silly jokes analysis none of it comes to me even when i try. i would say this is just a part of growing up but most ppl i follow and are friends w r all within my age range. and plenty of them r mentally ill or traumatized or being actively abused/hurt but they still find escape. they can still watch a movie and then think about nothing but that for the next week. they can see a thing they like ans get excited abt it. tbey can get high and play video games and actually just think abojt the game and how much they like their fav character. instead of. physically doing the action but constantly arguing w someone in their head or debating if theyre a good person or not. or whatever. ad nauseam . every day. now that ive moved out and am working on myself the rumination is a bit better but now when im not constantly worrying abt interpersonal issues or whatever theres just a blank. the now freed up space hasnt gone back to thinking silly fun things its just blank or boring. my brain used to be a place i could escape but now i cant escape anywhere ever at all. even smoking weed or drinking or whatever doesnt help in any capacity. i am both trapped in my head and unable to be there anymore

[stormyoceans]

have you done a top 5 unhinged puentalay list?? 👀

SFJKSGFJSGDKGS I DID NOT AND IM MORE THAN HAPPY TO FIX THIS TERRIBLE SHORTCOMING ON MY PART. i do think two of their most unhinged moments are the bucket hat scene in episode 1 and the entire shirt scene in episode 7, but since i already used them for talay's list, i tried to pick other moments where puen's and talay's insanity matched!!!

1. the date-not-date culminating in the nivea bathtub scene my beloved in episode 3. two men have to write a script for a romantic movie. they have no experience when it comes to love so they decide to follow a man and a woman to establish if they are a couple or not. in doing so, they end up doing all the typical activities people do on a date: going to a cafe, watching a movie, eating together and feeding each other.... the night ends with the two men going home together. one of them goes to take a bath. after a while the other follows and climb into the bathtub with him. the words "if this can be used to wipe away dust, i should use it with your heart" are uttered. the next day they go on like nothing happened, fully convinced they are just friends. im losing braincells just typing this out. they are insane and i want to throw myself in front of a moving train.

2. the lay's marriage proposal in episode 12. puen proposed with a bouquet of lotus in one hand and a bag of lay's in the other. talay still said yes. i don't even know what else to add they're just lucky they suffer from the same brand of derangement tbh (one might argue that it was just a product placement so it doesn't count. FOOL. their proposal was always going to involve food in some way, shape or form: we got a potato chip, could have easily been a shrimp)

3. the nom nom scene in episode 10. we focus so much on jimmysea improvising it that i think we don't talk enough about the intrinsic unhinged quality of this scene. after episodes upon episodes of puen saying that talay smells good and that he would eat cake right from talay's face, the mad man does exactly as he promised. the other mad man goes along with it and does it right back. couples who've been married for years are gagging in the background because WHO EVEN DOES THAT (unless you're into it, which it's perfectly fine, we're very accepting in this house. but this also brings me to the next point...) JUST GET A ROOM JESUS CHRIST.

4. the "morning after" in episode 2. talay and puen meet. talay gets drunk and kisses puen twice. talay then passes out, so puen brings him home, strips him and puts him in bed. he then decides that the best course of action is to take his shirt off (but not his shoes) and also get into the same bed. talay wakes up the next day to find puen asleep next to him and after a moment of (mild) surprise he checks that puen still has his pants on. they didn't sleep together, and yet they're able to make at least three different kind of sexual innuendos in the time it takes them to have breakfast. they've known each other for less than 24 hours.

5. the mirroring in episode 8. admittedly not as unhinged as the other moments and it's mostly just a cute and funny scene, however this is the proof (along with counting the minutes and seconds in which they're apart) that they do indeed share one single deranged braincell. and i do love that they can be silly together but they really started to do that out of nowhere and almost had their first kiss like that. thank god this is a PG-13 show or idk where else this could have gone.

[mejomonster]

My gastroparesis driving me up a wall. And by that i mean ive been barely eating for over a week now and my symptoms still arent improving and im really not havin a great time im exhausted my bodys in pain trying to get me to Rest but i gotta work full time and my abdomen absolutely hurts but painkillers slow digestion even More so ive been laying down on heatpad as much as possible and i really dont wanna go back to an All Liquid diet (but even if i did im at the nausea and vomiting point of a gastroparesis flare which means even liquid only im likely to throw up either way) and like. I just wanna comfort eat bread cause i feel miserable exhausted in pain and it would be a small joy. But bread is absolutely not something i can eat during a flare. I can only eat it when doing good if i take benedryl. Im so angry and tired and id like to sleep for days. And i gotta still Make myself eat chips and protein shakes even tho i got nausea cause my gi meds dont work unless i eat Something. Even if i got nausea and tons of pain wooh

Anyway im getting flack from family for being so tired the last week and i love em and all but its awful feeling guilty for not calling Enough when its like goddamn eating (something humans gotta do at least once a day) hurts phenomenally and i barely can but i obviously desire to like any human then i eat and Ouch my body didnt fucking like that and punished me for it and im so mad. I feel awful and yeah im mad i dont got energy to hide how much pain im in and chat false enthusiastically for 20 minutes after already doing it all thru work. I had 1 teaspoon of peanut butter today and my remaining options are soup broth (but it had beans cooked in it and my body cant take fiber today so idk if its worth the risk of any accidental beans) and salad (which is of course raw vegetables fiber very hard on stomach rn so i can probably just eat a handful size portion and hopefully ill chew enough its mush and my body will tolerate it). And a protein shake (but its got fiber and is made of chickpeas i think for the protein so idk if my body is tolerating it or not im just drinking it so i dont have no calories). I had chips yesterday but i think my body considered it too solid or large to digest idk cause im eveb worse today. I also had toast yesterday cause i was so angry and hungry and wanted comfort food. So of course that messed me up. Which means i should take more benedryl. But then i wont just be hungry and pain tired, ill also be drug tired. And im so sick of being miserablr all day at work just to pass out the second its over cause allergy meds knocked me out then ive lost all day. But without allergy meds i can eat hardly anything i like. I mean i cant eat rn but like. Right before this fuckjng flare and hopefully once its over. Im just sick of it. Im tired and when i go to therapy next week shell probs ask oh what do you do to stress relief and its like... i get it but are u fucking kidding me. Im knocked unconcious from benedryl. And tired anyway cayse no food, and pain nonstop from gi tract. So im barely doing anything. I cant really get outta bed cause i need the 4 sq feet heatpad or ill be in agony over my abdomen. Dont have tv in room so i can use phone i guess. So tired i can barely keep eyes open or think so im not writing reading or watching shows on phone. I can idk listen to a reaction or lets play since if i fall asleep and wake up i dont need to follow a plot. But like im not in a state to be going for a fucking walk (i wish! I wanna dance and walk but my abdomen and back feel awful and im so tired im dizzy when i stand) or hang out w friend, which im sure idk shed prefer to hear some productive ass activity like god im just trying to keep myself employed and out of the ER until the flare rights itself. Please

And i know jts not that bad. Ive been worse. I couldnt eat solid food for 6 months once. I was in the ER weekly it was so bad i blocked most of it outta memory. This is only a couple weeks. And i havent thrown up much! I was throwing up 5 times daily back then. And i have had chips and peanut butter! I recognizr thats nice, i got some solid food and held it down! I know my gastroparesis is EONS LESS severe than it was when it started.

Its just like. It still sucks barely eating for weeks and any eating hurting immensely and nonstop nausea for days and pain not lowering. Like a normal healthy person might snap from anger if they try to go 20 hours without eating, or crash and need to eat to keep going, or just be run down as fuck and justifiable if they barely do anything that day. But i go days like that and im expected to just appear fine and live life normally like im not worn down af and just desperate to not feel nausea and pain and i just really wanna eat again. Normally.

[theuniverseawakens347]

Howard you have a hard time with my understanding bc you don’t believe you lost sober time messing with Lee …

YA DRINK ODULES … ON YA OWN OR FOR LEE TO NOT FEEL LONELY!??

SHE DOING CRIMAL ACTIVITY AND YOU MARRIED N WATCHING THIS BITCH AND CALL HER CHAIN AND SHE HALF ASS THIS SHIT!?

YOU DOING DEFORMATION IF MY CHARACTER PLANNED SINCE 2020 ON YOUR OWN STALKING ME AND PLAY STUPID WHEN CAUGHT LEE ..

And then Howard ya play dumb like “this isn’t her character” TF I WATCHED YAL ARGUE WHEN I WAS 11 UR ANGER THE SAME BUT ONE MORE STUBBORN AND A LIAR

YOU BOTH LOAT UR SOBRIETY WHEN WAS YOU SOBER!??? I TOLD LEE SHE PROJECTED SENDING ME TO CLARITY AND RIVER REHAB BC I CAN CONTROL SMOKING WEED AND SHE CANT … I smoked at the house IM IN MY ROOM NO TIME SPENT AROUND YOU IM HIGH AND VIBING WORKING OUT AND RESEARCHING AND LEARNING … but you see eyes low me in sports bra and shorts and on my laptop AND YOU GO STRAIGHT TO SHIT THINKING so ya put child protection on my shit. BITCH UR LAME UR THE INAPPROPRIATE ONE YOU BOTH SHOWED ME I WASNT GOING TO GET THE PARENTS I NEEDED SO A BITCH HAD TO BOSS UP AT 11 AND BECOME THAT FOR MYSELF!

YOU LIED TO ME AND PUT ME THRU EMOTIONAL MENTAL AND PHYSICAL FOSTWR CARE ABUSE AND I HAD TO PROTECT MYSELF .. you buy me like an asset for my inheritance when granny died then throw me to the curve when I don’t for your definition of a wounded warrior… ITS GOD FOR ME BITCH. IN FULL.

I’ve tried time and time again to HELP YOU GWT ON MY LEVEL CLEANING YA DAMN OFFICE SPACE BUT YA WANT TO BE MENTALLY STUCK N HOWARD YA GLUED TO HER .. yes your tried leaving or pulling back or finding equal room for you to be you.. BUT I TOLD YOU AT 16 THAT BITCH GOT YOU ON A LEASH CAUSE SHE THINK SHE BAD SHE GOT MORE $$ THAN BOTH US COMING IN.. but she raping us.

CHARLES MANSON COWS FUCKING BRAIN .. and now she’s asking for help and you not helping her Howard .. she’s tossed to the curb by you to .. you not even the idle man you want me to date WHO TF ARE YOU TO SAVE ME OR LEE .. sobriety not there in behaviors … ya think bout using you go wood work.. then take a break when’s the last time you comepleted a wood project NEFFI TREADMILL .. WE LOVED IT YOU TOOK TIME W IT YOU GOT CREATIVE I SAID I GOT CLIENTS FOR YOU YOU SAID NO “it’s too much” .. so ya sit and watch wind blow trees but no control anger YOU HIT ME WHEN MAD .. ur uncontrollable.

I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU YOU ARE WEAK TO ME IM TIRED OF BREATHING LIFE YOU CANT TOUCH you wana die

🤷‍♀️

[narwhalandchill]

Tag game: Current

got tagged by @begaydoalchemy !! thank u !!

- Current time: 9:45 (AM for you US peeps smh)

- Current activity: finished up prefarming blades traces to 6/8/8/8. double calyx drops events is a godsend. was listening to a video essay on the bg but the favorite song section made me go listen to stiny on repeat again bc i love inflicting emotional damage on myself so i guess thats what.

- Currently thinking about: so theres this person in the hsr leaks subreddit megathread doing daily renheng insanity ponderings since blades trailer dropped and ive been just losing my mind ever since reading them. anyway i wanted everyone here to get to see them too but didnt wanna repost em bc its just kinda ehhhh to do so. here u go!! suffer with me!!! click the links theres all 3!!! (spoilery warning tho. idr how many leaks refs there are in there exactly but expect some at least)

- Current favorite song: spotify most listened to top5 currently looking like NEON by raon, kissaki by reol, wildfire, cha cha cha (we will never forgive xx swedes watch out) and stiny from KALUSH & jerry heil.

but like let me be clear the only reason reol isnt number 1 is bc the full version of the song only came out like 2 weeks ago and the earlier released shorter anime ver of kissaki is literally 7th on the list.

- Currently reading: ...i mean mostly just renheng fanfic but uhhh. i did read where the crawdads sing from delia owens (just plucked it out from the bookshelf randomly bc i was bored) a month or so back. it was neat but no like particular strong feelings abt it. it was very well written and i liked the flow of the prose a lot. also waiting for crooked kingdom to get a finnish translation bc i got six of crows in finnish and i dont do book series as mixed language sets generally. (also the translation work itself was just like an absolute fucking banger with the imagery and metaphors used like chef kiss)

- Currently watching: no particular show (last thing was when i rewatched fmab a couple months ago) going on but like. random video essays or informative stuff on yt honestly and its mostly for bg noise.

- Current favorite character: gee i wonder. dan heng (past editions included), blade, (big gap here bc i tunnel vision on characters), bailu, luocha, jing yuan i think for specific ones from hsr for now. am looking out for jingliu and fu xuan too i need to study them. in genshin its like. yeah its mr childe ajax tartaglia all the way but i kinda just havent been feeling it for the game much so eh. tighnari, kazuha up there too n arlecchino obvi.

- Current WIPS: what kind of productive person do you take me for??? ig i like. opened word this week to type out some random passage drafts for a ficlet type thing relating to the post i made a while back abt belobogs temperatures wrt dan hengs potential terrible, horrible, no good, very bad scalie time with it but do Not expect any results from that or anything i s2g. ive finished one fic in my life and that was half poetry half madness full one sitting and be done with it type deal

im sorry i have no idea who to tag so like. anyone who wants to do it feel free, mutuals or followers!!! :]