#IM SO FUCKING SICK IN MY STOMACH

[windshieldwiper]

um…so…..I feel totally okay about this…yeah…he looks so mediocre 👍

[inkskinned]

you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.

but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.

well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?

his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.

still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.

so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.

and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.

what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.

it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?

it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.

maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.

[chronicowboy]

also also. like i know we've talked about the husbandism but i don't think we've talked about the specifics of it enough because that was like. rehearsed. buck rambles his way through a story and eddie provides contextualising information for those who aren't grossly entwined in his life and buck knows to take breaths to let eddie do this before seamlessly picking the thread of the narrative back up. it's literally insane. you can tell this is something they've done a thousand times before. THE RITUALS!!! THEY'RE INTRICATE!!!!!!!

[claudiadpdl]

madeleine choosing to die with claudia rather than live without her, hearing claudia cry for louis as he was dragged away, watching claudia and madeleine burn to death on that stage, holding one another tight and having whispered their last loving words only loud enough for the other to hear, claudia refusing to let any of them see her in her weakest moment....lestat's face being the last thing claudia fucking saw as she held madeleine's ashes in her hands and succumbed to the sun's rays........

[birdsareblooming]

evangelicals are a fucking disgrace and none of them are seeing heaven

[3416]

Auston Matthews in The Hardest Interview | 10.12.24

[hansslut]

jakehoon this yoonmin this, fuck y'all know about gtop.

[zketylers]

josh hartnett + his severely long bottom eyelashes.

[vt-scribbles]

anyone else profoundly tired

[isacksteban]

you guys are SO SICK AND TWISTED FOR KEEPING THIS FROM ME.

THE PAT ON THE LOWER BACK?

THE HANDSHAKE?

"congrats, MARC." MARC. ITS MARC AND NOT MARQUEZ.. KILL ME NOW WHY DONT YOU.

"CONGRATS TO YOU, AS WELL." SHUT THE FUCK UP.

"OH, SHIT. MARTIN" AND MARCS HEAD TURNED RIGHT AWAY. HE'S FUCKING LISTENING TO BEZ. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

"you overtook me in the first laps" "yes, because behind you the temperature at the front was..." THEYRE FUCKING CONVERSATING. SPEAKING BACK AND FOURTH.

THE. T.H.E. TOUCH. DONT PLAY WITH ME.

"how as your pace at the last turn?" "he did 37.4" STAWP HE WASNT TALKING TO U MARC HEHEEHEEHEHE

"and you?" "no, i was 37.6" THEYRE FUCKING TALKING

[walmartbrandwhatever]

Marbit Romeo and Juliet au but at what cost?? Specially the circle in the square production. HEAR ME OUT PLEASE

[carnivalls]

the 2025 urge to remake blog entirely. but my sideblogs... my lovely sideblogs

[dayurno]

i just saw what you reposted about kevin being the problem child of doomed homoerotic relationships and nora saying that’s something kevin would do we already have solid proof of jean and basically all of aftg to prove he’s a siren to troubled men do u have any hc about how that happened? especially with kandrew i love them sm they’re truly one of my favorite aftg pairs but like in the question i always assumed it was andrew but now ik it’s kevin it almost makes it better idk?!? like a desperately devoted andrew plus being hopelessly in love with kevin and he obviously was doing it to andrew and neil but imagine if on a smaller scale it was also the rest of the foxes?? but also i can’t tell if he truly was the problem child or just extremely sheltered from and didn’t know how to interact with people so when he’s direct and earnest they fall in love on the spot  

I REALLY DONT KNOW AT ALL................... i think part of it is kevin being earnest and open about it in a way someone who hasnt been raised in a cult Wouldn't be but it's just really also. the kind of people he's doing it to.... i mean jean at the point he met kevin he'd been homeschooled with violent parents his only friend was his sister and then again jean was literally raising her on his 13 year old shoulders. and then kevin looks at him, and smiles at him, and asks to learn french, and says "i don't want to lose you". has anyone told jean that before???????? has there been anyone, ever, to say you are something worth keeping? you are something i can't lose? YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. it's not just that kevin is a problem child it's that he chooses to say these things when you have literally no way to defend yourself

and the same for andrew are you crazy........ you're worth it. DO YOU UNDERSTAND...... has anyone ever told andrew that before? you're worth the trouble? i won't give up? i'll stay right here even if you fumble and kick and scream and refuse to play with me? I MEAN IT'S SERIOUSLY SICK. it's sick. it's horrible. he's so earnest. why is he like this. no wonder andrew was fighting wars and pulling knives this is the first time someone looked him in the eye and said no matter what you do i'm Not going to give up on you. and then he didn't even when andrew was a real fucking cunt about it. should we all just explode.

[thefishdeath]

Never feel more masc then the times I try to look fem

[ghostorbz]

I can't with this game bro

[astraystayyh]

israel bombed a HOSPITAL in gaza murdering so many children and newborns and women and elderly and men i feel so sick to my stomach i just saw a video and they're all scattered on the ground lifeless my god how can you still stand with that evil evil state? how can you still have the audacity to utter to even think 'Pray for Israel'?? why did the world give up on its humanity where are the international laws where are the fucking repercussions?? israel won't stop until it wipes off the entirety of gaza i am so angry and sad and i feel so fucking powerless im shaking what has our world come to

"Intentionally directing attacks against hospitals and places where the sick and wounded are collected is prohibited under international humanitarian law, provided they are not military objectives. Any such intentional attacks are WAR CRIMES." LIKE WHY ARE WE WATCHING AS ISRAEL COMMITS WAR CRIME AFTER WAR CRIME???? to attack a hospital murdering more than FIVE HUNDRED people and for it to go unpunished????? what is this what the fuck is going on why is this not maddening anyone