#IM SICK OF SUFFER NO FOOLS

[munchboxart]

I need them to add a Splat playlist or something in-game if they're not gonna add an option to mute the music, because I can't keep listening to the same Splatfest song that I hate every time

[mymelodyisme]

Hello again hon it's me the christmas anon, I hope your doing well and your feeling okay, I saw your gum and tooth post and hope that's not anything serious you know? As for me I'm doing alright....theses last two days has been heavy on my mind but I think sooner or later I'll be okay.

*leans over and kisses your head*

Better be taking good care of yourself too lol

-❄️☕️

Hey hon!!!! 🥳 I’m doing as well as I usually do. I 🥺 have a blister or something on the gum that connects the teeth to the chin. You know that little spot directly at the front center of your mouth that feels like a thin web yeah it’s tucked there and eating is a nightmare 😭 if it doesn’t go away soon I mean I’m not gonna do anything special I have to just wait till my dental appointment. So boooooo but at least I’ll be okay eventually, as will you!!! Life is like a tooth infection, you ache, and you feel it everywhere, but then you consume a nice little pill and it’ll make you feel better. 🤔 hmm that’s a horrible analogy.

But no, actually I do hope you’re okay 🥺♥️🩷 life can suuuuuuck and days can be awful and heck even a week or more can be stressful a time but what’s cool about being alive is that??? It doesn’t have to be so bad! You can be nice to yourself! You can surround yourself with people who are nice to you!!! And you can just say fuck it!!!! And walks outside and make it different. Running away to disappear into the woods dropping all socials and becoming some towns local cryptid is a perfectly viable option. I think I’d like to live in the woods as a witch but I’m 😭 a BIG baby when it comes to bugs. I wouldn’t survive in the wilderness for even an hour. I’m a delicate plastic flower. But no really, I say for the third time, you’ll be okay eventually. When I think about life I think back to how when I was little girl playing games like Homer Simpson Hit and Run. I always wanted to walk around the map and enter every building. And I knew that wasn’t possible. There’s nothing in them because why would the developers make that when they don’t have to? Well we’re real!!!

We can enter any building, go to any location, dig into the very ground we stand on and I think that’s kind of cool. There’s so much to life that we don’t think about and maybe sometimes we should be a bit more curious about what’s inside 🥳 treat yourself like a video game building. What can you find inside of yourself that makes you excited to take a peek. Idk!!! I hope that made sense!!!! It’s so happy to see you ♥️🩷

[dullweapons]

mother of all tag dumps inbound ..... i am not booping people cause theres like 30 tags lol

here is the page on my google site that lists them all ... i think ? may have missed someone but ill double check later

⸻  SHIP  : ayrin / sahar  ❤︎  you know you hypnotize me always !   ˎˊ˗

⸻  SHIP  : ray / grace ( hyliangrace )  ❤︎  you can be the match & i will be the fuse : boom   ˎˊ˗

⸻  SHIP  : ray / lyric ( lunarscaled )  ❤︎  bleed into my mouth so i may taste you forever ; leviathan  ˎˊ˗

⸻  SHIP  : ray / robin ( wolfvirago )  ❤︎  hold me in your arms & i die a little death so beautifully  ˎˊ˗

⸻  SHIP  : ray / octavo ( bransles )  ❤︎  but he fell in love with the fever & i'm on my knees in a theater .  ˎˊ˗

⸻  SHIP  : ray & ayrin  / link ( uneasedregrets )  ❤︎  city of stars ; never shined so brightly  ˎˊ˗

⸻  SHIP  : ray / volga ( volcania )  ❤︎  your blood like wine get me drunk & make me feel .   ˎˊ˗

⸻  SHIP  : ray / ghirahim ( flamboycnt )  ❤︎  let our love be a flame not an ember ! say it's me that you want to dismember !  ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & link ( legacyshero )  ✦ no voice to speak of your suffering but i hear you now  ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & nabooru ( gerudospiriit )  ✦ so if you need to be mean be mean to me . i can take it & put it inside me . ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & bussaba ( topaz-adorned )  ✦ you with the dark curls you with the watercolor eyes ! ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & gallilea ( vairuler )  ✦ im made of sugar spice kanekalon & cinnamon : me & my bestie are the sam like a synonym ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & toba ( askganondorftobadragmire )  ✦ you take away this pain from me : the memories that haunted me  ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & nabooru ( gerudosage )  ✦ oh she could have been a poet or she could have been a fool . ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & miri ( somnium-led )  ✦ dear prudence won't you open your eyes ? look around … look around …  ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & eilian ( somnium-led )  ✦ im sick of apologies from people with priorities that their life matters so much more than ours . ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & ganondorf ( oocca )  ✦ want to save your men from the fire ? show me that you’re willing to burn .  ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & link ( twilitae )  ✦ what? land of the free? whoever told you that is your enemy .  ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & link ( obraveyouth )  ✦ who’s a heretic child ? can you make it stick now ?  ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & zelda ( spiritmaiden )  ✦ why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near  ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & zelda ( telepathyia )  ✦ the moon will sing a song for me : i loved you like the sun ! bore the shadow that you made  ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & zelda ( regnantlight )  ✦  can you tell me what's the point in building empty empires now? ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ray & calamity ( hylianremnants )  ✦  i know you i walked with you once upon a nightmare  ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ayrin & sky ( hylianremnants )  ✦  stories of old great adventure : i want to be just like you .  ˎˊ˗

⸻  RELATION  : ayrin & sun ( hylianremnants )  ✦  bright & beautiful : sing me another lullaby  ˎˊ˗

[llamasgotoheaven]

Especially upsetting now that there’s literally at least one study demonstrating how our brain capacity and ability to be productive caps at about six hours, and the rest of what we do at work is actually a sort of fruitless waste of time

I think it was in scandinavia somewhere that we tried introducing six hr workdays and it didn’t worsen productivity. What it did do was raise people’s life satisfaction and their wellbeing. Preventing mf burnout

I know I don't shut up about this but frankly not enough people are angry about the 5-day/40 hour workweek (and I am AWARE a lot of people work even more than that). I feel like a lot more people should be absolutely furious that we only really have two days a week and some occasional hours in the evening to socialise, run errands, do chores, or relax.

It's no wonder so many people are profoundly lonely and disconnected from their communities when maintaining a social life in what little free time we have is incredibly difficult. If you have kids, a second job, a very long commute, or other responsibilities, it's nearly impossible.

We literally aren't meant to live like this and I'll never stop being shocked how many people just take it as the natural state of things and don't want to throw a brick through a billionaire's window every time they think of it.

[coronangelic1]

god i fucking hate my implanon so much im about to have my exam and suddenly my arm starts hurting. no bitch we are NOT repeating the 2022 situation in where my arm hurted so much that i had to go to the doctor only for him to be like heh thats how it is sometimes!!!!

[bunnyshideawayy]

always insane to me how everyone is jumping to blame Nesta for her families poverty instead of their father?????? this happens the entire series and then when Papa Archeron shows up last minute for the finale battle everyone is just like “🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹” expect* for Nesta who can only remember how he actually never really cared for her and how she is the one who holds his mantel for not doing anything/providing for them. its okay though he gets a pass bc his knee! its shattered, expect it was miraculously healing before his sudden death! but that’s okay Nesta suffers and becomes violently depressed/traumatized by his death in which no one helps her progress through! it takes Cassian the entire book to finally realize the fire sounds like a snapping neck and that’s why she flinches around it. but he sure noticed her huge boobs on her sickly thin body!! absolute himbo frat boy chad of a man. guys on a serious note when are we going to stop holding Nesta accountable for their father’s actions? im getting sick of having this discussion. 

also i find it hilarious Cassian sticks up for Feyre here when he literally does not care about her, if he did he would’ve done the same when Rhys told him to keep the wings secret. just like if he truly cared about Nesta he’d stick up for her, too. instead he insults her and sets himself up to look like a fool all in one go.

[sillyjpeg]

BILL'S SOUL CONTRACT DECODED.

I was planning on doing this at some point, so here is the entirety of bills soul contract decoded! here is the contract just for reference:

if this flops i WILL cry, i spent 3 hours on this.

but here is the entire decoded version:

YOU ARE NOW TWENTY ONE GRAMS LIGHTER

THIS CONTRACT US LEGAL AND BINDING, WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO USE YOUR LIKENESS, FACE, VOICE, AND SMALL TOWN PLUCK IN WHATEVER NEFARIOUS MANNER IS DEEMED NECESSARY. SANE SOUL, YOUR SOULMATE WILL NOT RECOGNIZE YOU AND WILL WALK RIGHT PAST YOU ON A COLD AUTUMN DAY, NEVER MAKING EYE CONTACT. NOT EVER PROCESSING THAT YOU HAVE EYES AT ALL. NO AMOUNT OF INTERACTION WILL MOVE THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN REMEMBER. IN FEELING, THE THOUSANDS OF LIFETIMES YOU HAVE ALREADY SPENT TOGETHER, EACH TIME CHOOSING WHATEVER FORM WOULD KEEP YOU CLOSEST LIKE OTTERS HOLDING HANDS IN A TUMULTUOUS RIVER. YOU WERE BIRDS, YOU WERE TREES WITH ROOTS ENTANGLED, DRINKING IN THE SUNLIGHT TOGETHER. WHEREVER WE GO NEXT, WHEREVER YOU CHOOSE, I WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!

THATS DONE. BUDDY, CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE CHOSEN BILL INSTEAD. MCDONALDS RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT A GIANT YELLOW M ON YOUR TORSO AND FOREHEAD AND SEND YOU WALKING THROUGH A CROWDED TIMES SQUARE WHILE YOU SCREAM “THE FRIES, THE FRIES! THEY DON'T DEGRADE IN NATURE!!! ITS AN IMMORTAL FOOD!!! THAT WILL BE IN THE LANDFILLS LONG PAST OUR DEATHS!” GOOD GOD. THE THINGS I'VE SEEN. ME? WHO AM I? OH IM BILL’S PREVIOUS LAWYER. HE PUT MY SOUL INTO A QUILL PEN SO I CAN WRITE HIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS UNTIL THE SUN SNUFFS OUT LIKE A CANDLE IN THIS SICK UNIVERSE. I USED TO BE SO HOT. I WAS SO FINE. NOW I’M FINE PRINT. BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT YOUR SOUL INTO AN INANIMATE OBJECT, A STRANGE CREATURE, A CONCEPT, A SENTENCE, A TASTEFUL BUT RUSTIC MASON JAR WITH WILDFLOWERS IN IT.

IF AT ANY POINT YOU WISH TO HAVE VISITATION RIGHTS WITH YOUR SOUL, YOU WILL BE SWIFTLY DENIED. UNLESS YOU HAD A COOL SAY PLANNED FOR THE BOTH OF YOU. THEN BILL MIGHT WANT TO COME ALONG. BY SIGNING THIS DOCUMENT YOU FORFEIT ANY RIGHTS TO EATING SOUL FOOD. IT WILL TURN TO ASK IN YOUR MOUTH. A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR A FOOL WHO SQUANDERED THE ONLY TRUE GIFT LIFE OWES YOU. BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DRESS YOUR SOUL HOWEVER HE DEEMS NECESSARY. ESPECIALLY IF YOUR SOUL WAS A NERD BEFORE ACQUISITION. SOULMAKEOVERRR! YOUR SOUL MAY BECOME FRACTURED AND PLACED INTO DIFFERENT OBJECTS. THIS HAS NO PURPOSE AND WILL NOT RESURRECT YOU IF YOU DIE. SIGNEE HAS FORFEITED ALL RIGHTS TO ANY AFTERLIFE. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: HEAVEN, HELL, PURGATORY, BIG CORNER, FLOW STATE, THE DREAM HOUSE, AXOLOTLS TANK AND CONSEQUENCES HOLE.

SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER BOARD ANY SOUL TRAIN AND IS ADVISED TO DISCARD ALL BELLBOTTOMS. SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER HAVE A PUPPY AS A BEST FRIEND, THEY CAN SENSE WHAT IS GONE. CATS ARE INDIFFERENT. SIGNEE MAY EXPERIENCE OCCASIONAL DEMON POSSESSION FROM HORCULUS THE RED, PLABOS THE MERCILESS, MORBUS SON OF MORTEN, PLAGE THE OOAING AND OTHER SUCH COMMON DEMONS ROAMING EARTH SEARCHING FOR  EMPTY VESSELS.

TIPS FOR RIPPING YOUR SOUL OUT AT HOME: WATCHING YOUTUBE COMMENTARY CHANNELS, ATTENDING AN EXTENDED FAMILY EVENT WITH AN OPEN BAR, USING GENERATIVE AI AND ASSERTING THAT YOU ARE CREATIVE, TURNING A BLIND EYE TO HUMAN SUFFERING, AMASSING MORE WEALTH THAN NEEDED, PURCHASING A BLUE CHECKMARK.

i was giggling decoding this, and my hand is now cramping. the punctuation is based on whatever i was feeling and made sense, comment if i translated something wrong.

[whentheskittlesfightback]

I FINALLY TRANSLATED THIS ENTIRE THING, AND AT THIS POINT I DONT CARE IF ANYONE ELSE HAS ALREADY I HAVENT SEEN IT. also all of the punctuation is the same tall rectangle so i had to guess, but you get the point of what it says. HERE IT IS!!!😋

this contract is legal and binding. we reserve the right to use your likeness, face, voice and small town pluck in whatever nefarious manner deemed necessary, sans soul. your soulmate will not recognize you and will walk right past you on a cold autumn day, never making eye contact, not even processing that you have eyes at all. no amount of interaction will move them to a place where they can remember, in feeling, the thousands of lifetimes you have already spent together, each time choosing whatever form would keep you closest like otters holding hands in a tumultuous river. you were birds, you were trees with roots entangled, drinking in the sunlight together. "wherever we go next, whoever you choose, i will always be right there with you". thats done, buddy. congratulations, you have chosen bill instead. mcdonalds reserves the right to put a giant yellow M on your torso and forehead and send you walking through a crowded times square while you scream "the fries, the fries, they don't degrate in nature!!! it's an immortal food!!! they will br in landfills long past our deaths!!!" good god, the things i've seen. me, who am i? oh i'm bill's previous lawyer. he put my soul into a quill pen so i can write his legal document until the sun snuffs out like a candle in this sick universe. i used to be so hot, i was so fine. now im fine print. soeaking of which, bill reserves the right to put your souk into inanimate objects, a strange creature, a concept, a sentence, a tasteful but rustic mason jar with wildflowers in it. if at any point you wish to have visitation rights with your soul, you will be swiftly denied. unless you had a cool day planned for the both of you, then bill might want to come along. by signing this document you forfeit any rights to eating soul food. it will turn to ash in your mouth, a fitting punishment for a fool who squandered the only true gift life owes you. bill reserves the right to dress your soul however he deems necessary, especially if your soul was a nerd before acquisition. soul makeoverrr! your soul may become fractured and placed into different objects. this has no purpose and will not resurrect you if you die. signee has forfeited all rights to any afterlife, including but not limited to: heaven, hell, purgatory, big corner, flow state, the dream house, the reincarnation processing center, axolotl's tank and consequences hole. signee can no longer board the soul train and is advised to discard all bellbottoms. signee can no longer have a puppy as a best friend, they can sense what is gone. cats are indifferent. signee may experience occasional demon possessions from horculus the red, plabos the merciless, morbus son of mortem, plaga the oozing and other such common demons searching for weakened, empty vessels. tips for ripping your soul out at home: watching youtube commentary channels, attending an extended family event with an open bar, using generative ai and asserting thay you are creative, turning a blind eye to human suffering, amassing more wealth than needed, purchasing a blue checkmark.

i feel insane. if i got anyfin wrong just tell me pleas.

[fakeusernamelol]

I can't believe there's a teen preg Stan bad ending 😔

Rapist Ford doesn't let Stan leave or get kicked out because then what if he gets knocked up by someone that isn't Ford?

Let me be honest with you dear anon, im a big pervert and anything related to degradation and harm drives me crazy, It makes me EVEN crazier if its towards a trans person because i need to proyect you know 🙇 so AHHH YES i needed to see that big man suffering because its the 60s, do you really think he won't? 😈😈😈😈 I guess the good ending could be the teen dads au, yes stan got kicked out and they still fight but i mean at least Ford's not a shit there 🤷

That said, THE OPPOSITE HAPPENING IN THE RAPIST FORD AU IT'S WONDERFUL AND I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BIG MIND, ANON 💖💖💖💖💖 (tw: Transphobia, Misogyny, abuse, Noncon, d and f word. the usual you know 😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️)

You think everything is good now because Ford's isn't going to let stanley leave his side, his brother has a big sick obsession towards him and its not going to let him leave no matter what BUT FUCK YOU that man will treat stanley in the horribles way possible 😈😈

Stanley deserved it, everything was perfect before she started that stupid ideas of becoming a man. They were in love, they knew it! His sister was the perfect female figure, so sexy and cute at the same time, he knew from the beginning that she had to be his wife, the one he would marry and start a home with one day. There was no obstacle, [ ] was faithful to him, she depended on him, The only person who didn't see her as just a disaster with no future and who would always be there for her because he knew her even better than herself.

She had everything, a good and fertile body, Good knowledge of cooking and sewing, and most importantly, a man that would take care of giving her the best life she deserved...But no! She was ungrateful and that didn't seem enough to her, she had to ruin it all! Ford couldn't understand how she was trying to change that beautiful body of her, trying to hide from the world so they wouldn't admire his trophy.

«Stanley? come on [ ], you don't need to copy my name to know you're mine.»

«That looks horrible in you [ ], want people to think you're a dyke? Even worse, want to make me look like a fag?»

No comment would matter but coming from his safe place the words were marked on Stanley, Uncertainty and fear were sown in his mind. what made him feel good was an insult to Ford, he's the smart twin, maybe he's right but that hurts, he doesn't want to go back, he can't. He wishes, he prays and he beg to ford accept him and leave what he was, he wasn't happy, he hated it so much, he doesn't want to become a housewife, he had dreams, he has more than that, why he can live those dreams with his dear brother alongside?

Fine, if stanley can't see clear, Ford will do it.

Sure it hurted, it hurted as hell as almost every word ford said but he can't, even if he can, stop him more than just desire it. He loves ford and doesn't want him away from him, but if he wanted that then he must accept that he was... somehow right even if he cant comprehend it but that doesn't matter because he's the stupid twin and his opinion doesn't matter.

The science fair experiment was a wave of emotions for stan, ford was going to leave him but, that will also mean to be rid of all of that... He really didn't mean it, he didn't want to, he doesn't get why he did it and was scarier for it. He did tried to fix that stupid machine but without the knowledge it was useless. He was aware of what was going to happen, ford was angry and he knew his pa would come if he heard any more scream but, suddenly he changed his tone.

« [ ], oh, fool you... I knew why you did this, I could never leave you, you know it.

But you ruined my future [ ], our future. You will have to pay for it. »

Dreams and hopes, all of what Stanley has ever thought he could maybe become was and has always been just fantasy. She had ford at least, she was coming with him, but she wasn't a person anymore, she was just Ford's cum sack and good luck taking care of a baby while his brother was busy or not. They dreamed about this, about being a family but it, turned quite different the way they always thought. can't blame ford, he was angry, whoever she was now, she asked for it.

« ya' did this to yourself stan, ya' deserved it.»

[nishriks]

I fucked up…

riki x reader

warnings: death

i wrote this a long time ago and was ranting to my friend about this idea and im not editing it so!!

you and riki are enemies and one day he bullied you but the next day you didnt go school. he got worried because youre the person whos always healthy. so like he texted you and like he got a reply back but it wasnt you who messaged , it was your mom. “she has heart cancer. she might cure soon” which made rikis heart drop. he didnt know that you were suffering all this while. and even when you didnt say anything when he continues to bully you so he felt guilty asf. then a few days later, he gets a message back from your mom “sorry, she didnt make it”. riki felt like his whole world went colourless, he felt guilty. his last words to you were “go cry about it” that day when he bullied. he gets another message from your mom again “she also left a letter and something for you” riki gets the letter and it says “hey rikii! i know we werent good friends or even good to each other but i would like to thank you for always talking to me even though your words arent that nice, youre the only one who talks to me!!” riki felt his heart drop. how did someone he always bullies , thank him? the letter continues “also i kinda liked you before…lol i dont know why. but yeah , i left you my favourite snacks and a necklace. the necklace was supposed to be gift on the day i confess to you but i became sick that day but its alr.” riki couldn’t believe it. how can she like him so much till the point she got him gifts?? he became more guilty and he tears up abit. there was also a video linked with the letter. there was clips of you ranting about how much you liked riki even though you guys werent on good terms. there was a clip of you showing off your fit “i hope he likes it!” but the next clip was of you crying, “he said i looked ugly…” riki couldnt help but tear up more as that was the day he last saw her…. and he fucked it up by telling how her outfit looks bad. the next clip was you , in your bed, sick. it was the day that your heart cancer was announced to riki. you looked tired, sick and could barely even move. you then talked about how much you loved riki as you were writing his letter and prepare his gifts. riki was so so guilty and mad at himself for not noticing your hints the past few years. suddenly, you collapsed. that was the last ever time you spoke, moved or even breathed. the video ended. riki broke down in tears. how could he be a fool? how could someone like him so much till the fact that they spent their last seconds talking and doing things for him?? and the fact that he was treating her badly was making him break down more. he was so mad at himself till the fact that he threw his phone to the ground and collapsed to the grounf breaking down. riki felt like an idiot and he could never forgive himself “i fucked up..”

— i still love riki yall 🎀!!!

@helpwts

[safely-in-vhagars-belly]

Dark aemond/dark aegon x oc reader snippet PLEASE BE PATIENT IM SORRY I WONT LEAVE AGIAN

Aegon's pov though.

Aegon married you and aemond is ...aemond, xD

Aegon's pov

Headaches plague me, visions of Maella dance around in that likely empty casket I call my head, as I sit the comfiest chair out of them all, yet I might as well sit on a chair, made of bones and skulls. Isn’t that all a throne is, in truth? A structure, a prison, made out of blood, bones, and skulls. We tell ourselves we do it for our families, for our loved ones, for our House, for duty, for love, for everything you can possibly think of. But we don’t do it for the reason we should be sitting there in the first place. We don’t do it for the people. No Targaryen ever cared about the smallfolk. No Targaryen ever will. 

A voice raspy, ghostly almost and most certainly haunting in a way, reminds me I am not alone, not even in my head. Not even in my own damn castle. ‘’Cheer up, brother. It is your wedding day.’’ My head snaps to the direction of a smirking brother who raises his cup at me in mockery and spite. 

He may act as ignorant and dutiful as he wishes, I know the true reason he is acting as if his lady troubles came two months earlier: He craved Maella. He didn’t love her, no. He wanted her for his own sick twisted fantasies, fantasies he claims he didn’t have, as he was the better brother. Love, we don’t know that concept. Neither of us truly do. Aemond lured her in his trap, Aemond killed her brother, slew a dragon, imprisoned the little lizard Maella owns as well and he brought her here. I should be thankful, shouldn’t I? He brought a traitor to me.

Yet the imbeciles on the council, they married me to this, bastard princess. She is not a true Targaryen, not fully. I suppose neither of us are, if we are being truthful. But at least me and my siblings aren’t bastards. She is. She is a spawn from Rhaenyra and Harwin and now my wife. My lady. 

I instantly reach for my own cup, throwing back as much wine as my throat can swallow, but it almost does nothing to dull the pain. I can only pretend it takes away my suffering, as the wine has become useless to dull my senses. Aemond has approached, now standing in front of me, wearing the ghost of a smile and his black still bloodied clothing. I raise my eyebrows at him, challenging him to speak, to make this snoozefest of a wedding entertaining. He is good at that. 

But my brother pretends to be modest, he rather plays tricks, toys with words, and deceives than he would ever dare speak his true mind. Gods save us all for when he does. ‘’You look like a man who is facing his execution. Not a man who is soon to lay with  arguably the most beautiful creature the gods have ever created.’’ He avoids my eyes at all costs, folding his hands on his back and keeps his eyes scanning the crowd. Maella is beautiful, yes. But I never cared for her.

When we were fourteen and six, she chased me around, declaring her foolish love for me. I believe I was drunk and yet somehow hungover too, so I threw her doll in the river, and promised her she’d be thrown in next if she didn’t leave me. Oddly, we never talked after that. I mean, why would we? She, the Princess of the Kingdoms, the Delight of the realms, truly. And me…

A man who will never truly live up to his famous namesake.

I have two wives now, his crown, his throne, his sword, his blood and his hair. But nothing will change the fact that I feel unworthy of it all. I feel as a forgery playing a masterpiece, and that someone can pull the curtain any time now. 

Aemond doesn’t see it, the fool. He sees that I sit a throne he aspires to have, have two beautiful women to lay with whenever I tell them to and more power and status than any of us deserve. The gods are cruel where they put their power, I suppose. ‘’I don’t enjoy being forced into marriages.’’ I comment, playing with my cup and watching the wine dance at the bottom of the cup. 

My younger brother snorts. ‘’You don’t know how much effort I put into capturing her, bringing her here and breaking her will for you so you have a good, obedient wife. At least pretend you are happy.’’

‘’For me?’’ I scoff. ‘’You didn’t do shit for me. You did it for yourself. Grandfather told me, you wanted her to become your wife, you even told him you'd happily breed, and fuck her until she is with child-''

''Someone has to. You won't do it.'' Aemond comments. ''You only see her as a helpless little girl. She is not the helpless little girl anymore. She has become a woman.''

''Don't talk that way about my wife-''

‘’She is not your wife-’’ Aemond hisses through his teeth, glaring in my direction. I slam my cup down on the table next to me, and the guests around us all fall silent.

I warn him. ‘’She is. You do well to remember that.’’

Aemond lowers his head, but his good eye is burning with fire unlike anything I ever saw before. Maella is not his love, it his obesession. I am sure he'd kill her, or she will kill him, if I let them come too close. ''Ýour grace.''

----

snippet ends here.

[transmutationisms]

If the biopsychsocial disease model is ontologically and epistemically dubious, tautological and smuggling moralizing language into seemingly descriptive statements, what other ways are there to understand "disease"? Can parts of medicalized language still be utilized by stripping them of this baggage, or is it a fool's errand?

im assuming this is in response to what i said about the biopsychosocial model wrt eating disorders. mostly what i meant in those tags was that i don't find bps to be a sufficient response or correction to the issues with the biomedical model where psychiatric diagnoses are concerned. this is for numerous reasons including that bps is chronically philosophically eclectic and predominantly dualist epistemologically; s nassir ghaemi has written on this.

anyway, the question to me would be: why would we want to use medicine's discourses in understanding 'eating disorders'? which terms, and to what ends? these are complex presentations because, obviously, there are serious physical complications from behaviours like food restriction and purging. so my point here isn't that it's not useful to talk about medical issues in medical language. (jennifer gaudiani's book 'sick enough' is a pretty good starter resource for patients on the medical complications of ed's, and the physician's concerns in treating them.)

rather, with the 'eating disorder' diagnoses, we're also dealing with the underlying desires and intentions that cause the food/body behaviours in question. although energy deprivation itself can and does intensify such desires/thought cycles, the vast majority of eating disorders do involve some degree of voluntary action and can't be resolved solely through physical treatment of malnutrition/starvation/ etc. on a disease model of eating disorders, the desire to starve/purge/etc is essentially a foreign intrusion on the sufferer's newly 'unhealthy' mind; some doctors will even go so far as to talk about the patient as 'split' into two people: the sick person, and the healthy one. the treatment modality here assumes that the goal is to expel or overcome 'the eating disorder thoughts', restoring the person to a 'normal', 'healthy' baseline.

i know that some people with these diagnoses find this ^^ narrative personally helpful and i don't wish to take that away from them. nevertheless, i believe it's insufficient and actively harmful to some people. it doesn't look at, for instance, the economic and social effects of weight stigma, something that makes 'disordered eating' appear a lot less disordered and a lot more rational and socially normative/enforced. the narrative also does a poor job, if any, of understanding food restriction/purging/etc as ways to manage stress/anxiety/etc, making the 'eating disorder' appear to be not so much an outside forceor attacker, but rather a person's best (though harmful!) tool for self-care. fundamentally the assumption in the above narrative is basically that no self-endangering desire could ever be 'native' to the psyche, that it must originate from elsewhere, and that a person can't truly desire two contradictory things or defend two contradictory interests. i don't find these assumptions to be true or useful (for ed's or for things like self-injury). these are incredibly bold assumptions to make about psychological 'normality' and 'health', and openly pathologise and stigmatise people who do experience such dangerous, harmful desires (and act on them). it's not helpful to sufferers; it's very helpful to the psychiatric establishment.

again, eating disorders are complicated by the fact that an energy deficit itself does have psychological-physiological effects on the bodymind; i don't deny that dialectical nature of the condition. and obviously medical care can be lifesaving when dealing with the physical complications, and everyone ought to have autonomous, freely chosen access to such care. i simply don't think that reducing the entire 'eating disorder' to a disease model (and bps basically also does this, just with the addition of 'factors' from social/psychological sources) is useful or sufficient for understanding or recovering from them.

[life-deep]

Just a Ghost

i knew what i was

you don’t have a clue

your indecision inclusive of what i foreknew

but something inside me start slipping

tripping like did i miss something or was i true

did this tightrope im walking finally give way

or was this the way i was supposed to fall

right into my heart’s grave

fell at the feet of my ghost and it showed me my soul

took a look and saw it’s blacker than coal

told me “you’re so angry, watch! you reap what you sow”

living my life in miseries and woe, “want to see the hell you’ve bought with what you sold?”

“in three years, isn’t this all that you know?

“smoking to hide your intelligence, bury yourself in indifference

“isn’t it your ambition you abandoned,

“yet your pride is always heightened

“looking at people feeling indignant

“you indite them for lack of allegiance to their own lives but look at your own life?”

just a ghost grinning at me in my dreams when i get my daily lack of sleep

kept seeping into my thoughts, what are you reaping?

are you reaping your soul? carving out all you know to make room for yourself and more of yourself

ego never been bigger, swagger never so superior, hell never been more severe, the fires never been hotter

just a ghost smiling at me, holding a deflection of my own inventions

so dark i can’t see my reflection

but i’d never stop to take a look, just a stranger

my feet never stopping, ghost never not haunting

running from the coroner but i’m the murderer

all i’m good at-

just a ghost running from the grave

anything but the deeds i left in my wake

never see the burning bridges which i razed

just a ghost running to my next waste

my next crave, living convinced im dead digging my own grave,

can’t get the image of my own face, face of the devil all the sins i hate

sick fascination i can’t look away

twisted in pride at my own fate,

setting fires and running like it doesn’t matter anyway

just a ghost, all i’m good at-

“look what you’re doing motherfucker?”

“given this life acting like a martyr?

“but what do you stand on? the ground you run on, crumbling behind ya?

“keep running sweat out all your water

“but you’ll never fight the hunger

“polydispia, you��re plagued by nature”

“you’re not dying you’re already dead like another

“you said you’d never forget now look at ya?

“said life meant something now you’re going round humping and bubbling in fiery water

“remember what it felt with the knife to your throat?

“remember promises made you broke years ago?

“remember every failure you’re miserable you know you are, you’re dying like a wilting flower the power of the flood from above is drowning ya, you can’t bear to look at the sight of life

“you kept doubting, you can’t bear to look at the self you distorted, this life you contorted, convinced you’re a ghost when you’ve been given breath in the Father

“who are you fooling? keep pouring oil on your soul till you die in your cesspool

“or let yourself fall into the arms holding heavenly water

“turn away and quench this thirst you can’t fight,

“let the light fill the void only the truth can set you free

take a look at me!

“embrace your suffering little one and never stumble, you’ve been running so long you know how to hustle, turn your eyes from the pavement, look at the stars and behold”

Oh my soul!

[happypot0001]

Just find it

…Where?

!!!!!!PROBABLY WILL DELETE LATER!!!!!!

Guys I’m such a cry baby istg HAHAAA….anyways…..👋

Uhhh I made this post because I was feeling a bit upset today..obviously 😭😭 ig I’m feeling a bit better but I hope there are people that can relate to this too!! Can I just say first though that I had to STRUGGLE to make that stupid gif HAHHH! I’m now going to try to go into depth of each of the important parts of the gif 👍

Feet - I seem to kick everyone around me down. I’m pained that people suffer regarding my sake. Be it for me or because of me. Be it physically or mentally. I can’t help but hurt people who are close to me. I’ll end up with no one because everyone has been harmed by my presence. I only see the backs of the people who have turned away from me, unwilling to speak to me as I’ve already disappointed them far enough.

Hands - I seem to have no talent. I’ve used these hands to draw. To play. To write. To learn. But it has never been enough. It seems like it never will be. No matter what I’m always one step behind. I can only try to work harder, but all my efforts only seem like they’ll eventually end in vain. When is it good enough? It never is…as that’s what I’ve learned. Am I on the right path? No one can tell me. These hands have done me good, but in the end is it of any use? To play. To draw. To waste time. What’s the point if I’m not good at it.

Heart - I seem to succumb to my failure with ease. Help me find it. Is it my heart? Is this why I feel that I’m being tortured inside? Is that why I feel my heart wants to leap out of my chest? Is it my weakness. Is it my lack of willpower. This sick feeling in my stomach, it’s because I’m weak? It’s because I cry too often? It’s because I take their words to heart? It’s because I know they’re probably right. Everything is connected to the heart. That’s why I feel this way. I need to find it. Maybe that’s the answer: I’m weak. There’s no problem. No. No one did anything. I’m just weak.

Mouth - I seem to speak only for me to displease others. I’m boisterous. I’m loud. I’m too much. It’s all too much. Don’t talk to me. I’ll spill. I’ll speak. I’ll practically yell. Listen to me. Or don’t. You’ll go deaf by the time I’ve finally shut my mouth. So I won’t. I won’t speak. Zip. Nothing. Nothing out of me. But. Right. It’s seems they’ve all left. Once an enthusiastic fool, after a ghost to not be seen. To be the loud me or hide it. It seems there’s no choice for me. How do you find that balance. Tell me your secret. But I can’t ask you. I have a terrible ego I have to protect. Why do so many people like you? I’ll never know.

Head - I seem to never have the time to think. The biggest. The one that matters. The one I know will only lead to a path of misfortune and disappointment. Still. It matters. I can’t help it most times. Am I smart? I’ve been told numerous different claims. I can only divide them into two sections. Smart. Stupid. I’ve been called stupid……why? Why. I DONT WANT THAT. IM NOT STUPID RIGHT? Then why can’t I think. Why can’t I learn like I’ve seen others learn. I’m not smart. I’m not creative. There’s no form of intelligence I can seem to fit myself into. I can ace every other test with a 100 in math….but the time I fail…I feel like my life has shattered. I’ve seen myself do it…so how could I mess up. But I do. I’m grateful. I’m grateful I can do something. But what if it wasn’t enough. Some call me smart. But I can only see someone dumb. Past mistakes have affected me in today’s time. Because. I was dumb. I was really dumb. I made mistakes and I was so dumb. I was so so dumb. It still affects me. I was so dumb. I can’t believe I did that. And because of it. I have to suffer. I was so dumb. I was so absolutely dumb. I shouldn’t have messed up in the past. I wish I hadn’t been dumb. Everyone else around me seems so smart. All of these artists. Unique characters. Compelling stories. Amazing people. I’m not like that. I’m not creative. I don’t have a complex enough brain to form new ideas on my own. I always need help. I always need support. I’m dependent. I can’t stand on my own. I need help. Help in every way possible. But I can only fail on my own. And I’m sorry if you’ve had to carry by burden. I’m dumb.

Hahaaaa….I’m sorry I wrote all of this. This was kind of a downer…huh? 😭😭 Heh. I’m sorry if you’ve read it all. It’s not great. And it’s not entertaining. It’s sad. It’s a disappointment of a post. I can’t make it any more appealing. 😆 Because that’s who I am. I’m a simple minded person who overthinks for the wrong reasons. I’m scared of change. Oh my god…I’m so scared of change. But I don’t want everything to be the same. The idea of something being permanent…it…it’s scary. What if I want to change it later? What if it wasn’t worth it in the end. That thought is terrifying. And…I think that’s why I feel I like my hearts about to burst. I’m scared. I’m scared? I don’t know….but…I’m sorry. I’m sorry to anyone who can’t find their pain. I hope this helps you relate to something. And I hope you can find whats hurting you. But don’t worry, you don’t have to find it right now! If you do find it, I hope it helps in the long run. I wish that you do well in your future. ❤️ 😆😆

Lots of love to anyone who may be reading!💕💕

[obsessive-clown]

One of my favorite things to do as a kid was put my yogurt tubes, go-gurts for you brand people, in the freezer and literally WATCH the time tick by so I could have my frozen yogurt and bite at the frozen wrapping. I feel like 1. That was an awakening for a chew stim and 2. Art the clown would LOVE frozen yogurt sticks.

I also used to punish myself when I got angry at myself, as a kid too??? Like I would put the yogurts in the fridge again so they weren’t frozen and I’d have to suffer the knowledge that I couldn’t chew on my frozen food to help calm myself.

Anyways, applying this knowledge to Art the clown, I think on a ‘domestic’ level, or a level where Art just stays with you a lot of the time, if you did that to him, he would probably either a.) sit still and pout somewhere because you grabbed his attention and it made him stop tearing up your house. Or. b.) tear up the house more and act like an absolute fool.

Art would love frozen go-gurts and I will NOT listen to anyone say otherwise.

someone help me im on my third yogurt and I’ve been sick for three weeks straight

[paging-possum]

So one of my friends who makes games (here’s her itch.io, she’s made some REALLY neat stuff AND is currently making some even neater stuff right now that I may or may not be helping with) recently told me about the concept of developer logs. And I heard that and immediately was like… “Well I love talking about my projects…and I’m currently working on a comic.” So I'm making the Milwaukee Protocol devlog! Which will hopefully keep me on track with working on it! I’ll also throw in smaller updates about other side projects at the same time, just for fun. 

Milwaukee Protocol is a horror comic about- you guessed it- rabies. It follows Lyssa (named for everyones favorite virus, lyssavirus) after she gets bitten by a weird animal in the woods and starts experiencing rabies-like symptoms despite the fact that medically, there’s nothing wrong with her. It’s about losing control! It’s about changing in ways nobody understands! It’s about suffering the consequences of completely avoidable choices! It’s about instilling the sheer terror/fascination surrounding rabies that I’ve had since I was a child in other people! I’m not sure how coherent it is, but it’s still being written, and at the very least I’m excited about it.

I’m still writing the script and working on actually figuring out what everything and everyone looks like (something I skimped on for the last comic I made, which I think made it suffer), but I’m hoping to put my all into this one! I’m hoping to have the script done by mid-November, and this is where we are now. 

Thrilling. I know. God I love Notion. I'll hopefully have actual drawings of them next week but it has been a very overwhelming 2 weeks and also im sick so things are going very very slow.

While I figure out how to put this beast together, I'm also trying to put together some search and find pages just for fun- I started one for the Fool tarot card, since it felt like a fun theme to start with. That said, I'm not a huge fan of the composition so I might go back and redraw it. I'm also making a comic for college using a rubber duck as an allegory for having a crush on someone because they make you do weird stuff in art school sometimes.

I'm also listening to a bunch of stuff this week! A lot of Parkdale Haunt, which is a horror podcast about two women and the creepy old house that one of them inherits. Probably not the best when my only roommate right now is a fridge that makes sounds like human breathing, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make for a good horror podcast.