#IM NOT USED TO THIS I'VE NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE IN ALL MY YEARS AS 'KINDA' KEMETIC

[maximoffcarter]

New Year’s Eve.

Pairings: Emily Prentiss x reader.

Summary: Ever since reader joined the team, Emily has felt captivated by her. Her smile, her eyes, her laugh, her personality, literally everything about her. But, friendship was before anything else, so she kept it bottled up. But New Year’s Eve was always eventful, anything could happen.

A/n: This is for @storiesofsvu 's Holiday bingo with the prompt 'New Year’s kiss'. AND IM BACK! Sort of. Like I said a while ago, adult life sucks and I barely have time for myself, so it’s been hard to get to write, plus my laptop is kinda failing so it’s not so easy to write on my phone cause I get easily distracted hehe. But two other christmas shots are coming, Calex fics. I also did not proof read this, I never do until it's too late haha, so my apologies. I'm working on everyone's request still, I miss writing so much, and I've been so busy. Hope you guys enjoy this, leave comments, hearts, whatever you like and reblog so this gets some love🫶🏻

A/n 2: And happy new year, my pretty friends✨ have a wonderful new year, and let’s make it the best🫶🏻

Rossi had decided since October that he’d be hosting a party for New Year’s Eve, inviting the whole team and their respective families (meaning only JJ would be taking her family cause she was the only one with family along with Hotch having Jack). JJ and Penelope had told Emily that it’d be her chance to her with y/n.

Emily has laid eyes on her since the first moment that she had joined the team. She was mesmerized by her, everything about her was perfect, and she couldn’t get enough of her. But just the thought of ruining things, of losing her just for her feelings, kinda ruined it all…she didn’t want that. They had become so close since the very first moment, they were inseparable, they were everything Emily had always wanted in a friend…and she was way more. But still…she couldn’t lose her.

Finally, at Rossi’s, Emily stood by the doorframe staring at her; her dress was definitely distracting, showing off her curves and legs, part of her back was bare and god, she wanted to just walk to her and-

JJ chuckled softly as she stood beside Emily, raising her brow. “Enjoying the view?” She said in a playful tone.

Emily slowly turned to JJ, her eyes narrowing before turning back to look at her. She tried desperately to not let her eyes linger down her body but she was failing miserably.* “Shut up.” She said in a quiet voice, her eyes still not leaving her.

“Please, everyone here can see you eating her with your eyes.” JJ smirked as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Please tell me that today is the day. And you’ll finally tell her.”

Emily finally turned to look at JJ, her face flushed red with embarrassment as she quickly looked around the room to see if anyone was actually staring at her like JJ said. She quickly shook her head as she looked down. “I-I can’t…what if she doesn’t like me…? What if she laughs or worse, what if she doesn’t even talk to me after this?” She said quietly as her worry grew.

“She won’t ever do that. She wouldn’t be like that with you. Specially you. You’re too important to her.” JJ tilted her head as she sighed. “Em…if you don’t do it, you never will. And not that I’m pressuring you, because I definitely do not want to do that. But…you know…it could happen?”

Emily bit her lip as she glanced back at her, then back to JJ, and kept bouncing her eyes back and forth. “God, I don’t know…I really want to but-“ She shook her head as she looked down again. “What if I ruin things between us? I can’t lose her, JJ…I can’t lose her for my stupid feelings.”

“They’re not stupid. They’re feelings. And they’re valid. And it’s y/n who we’re talking about. She could never hate you or stop talking to you…” JJ said softly as she stared at Emily, tilting her head.

Emily’s eyes shot back up to her and stayed there. She stared at her longingly as a soft sigh escaped her lips. “God I can’t get enough of her…that stupid, beautiful smile.” Her eyes suddenly widened as she realized what she had said out loud but quickly looked back to JJ. “Don’t…tell anyone I said that…”

JJ laughed softly, shrugging as she playfully grinned. “We all know…except for her. She’s a profiler…she should know by now, because you’re not even subtle about it.”

“God, how obvious am I?” Emily buried her head in her hands, shaking her head. “What if she’s just playing dumb and she’s actually realized? And she’s secretly making fun of me about it…or she’s trying to think of a way to let me down gently-“ Emily was now thinking of every scenario that could happen right now making her grow more anxious as her chest became tighter. “God I’m starting to hyperventilate-”

“Hey, hey, hey…” JJ turned to face Emily and placed her hands on her forearms. “Stop overthinking. Just enjoy the party, alright? Don’t think too much about it. Just go to her and act like you always do with her. Be the Emily that you’ve always have been around her.”

Emily’s heart was racing but she slowly nodded and closed her eyes taking a deep breath and started to calm down. “Yeah…yeah, you’re right…I’m just overthinking again like I always do...” She looked back over to her one more time, her eyes lingering a bit too long before she looked back to JJ. “Thank you…I think I’m gonna go get a drink…”

Emily eventually made her way to the bar, grabbing herself a whiskey, straight up with 2 ice cubes. With the glass in hand, she turned around leaning against the table as she took a sip, her eyes wandering around the room as she wondered where y/n was now. In that moment, y/n noticed Emily over at the bar and she smiled softly. She grabbed her drink and walked to her, noticing that she was looking around the room as if she was looking for someone.

Y/n stood behind her and leaned in, whispering in her ear. “Looking for someone?” She smiled softly.

Emily’s eyes widened, her mouth opening in a silent gasp as she felt y/n suddenly behind her. Her body froze as she whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. She swallowed down the lump that had formed in her throat as she took a sip of her drink. “No! I- I mean…” She shook her head as she turned around to face y/n. “U-Uh…no one…no one in particular.”

“Mmm, I see.” Y/n grinned as she looked at where Emily had been looking. “Enjoying the party?”

Emily took another sip of her drink to try and cool herself down before nodding. “Y-Yeah…yeah, it’s a nice party. Uh-“ She looked y/n up and down, her eyes lingering on her dress again. “You- uh…look nice.”

Y/n looked back at her and smiled softly, blushing slightly at her words. “Thank you.” She said softly. “It’s the one time that I actually dress up.” She chuckled softly.

Y/n then let her eyes dart down Emily’s body, loving how she looked in a suit. She normally wore those, or cargo pants, but this suit just looked so good on her, and the red blouse she had? And the two top buttons undone? She was killing her.

Y/n looked back up into her eyes and smiled. “You look really nice too. Red is definitely your color.”

Emily blushed deeply as y/n looked her up and down and complimented her suit, almost dropping her drink when she felt her eyes on her chest. “Thank you…” She smiled softly. “I could say the same for you. You look stunning in dresses. You should wear them more often.” She smirked as she joked.

Y/n chuckled softly, nodding her head. “Oh, yeah sure. I’ll be wearing this dress to impress the unsubs. And then I’ll be chasing them down with these heels.” She grinned as she showed off her heels.

Emily smiled as y/n played into her joke, giggling a bit. “Mm, you’d be an unstoppable duo. Sexy and badass at the same time. You’d make any unsub give themselves up instantly.” She said as she looked down to her heels, her smile growing. “I doubt you’d actually be able to run in those heels though.”

Y/n blushed slightly as Emily said she was sexy, biting her lip softly as she chuckled. “Oh, wanna bet, Prentiss?” She smirked and raised bed brow in a teasing way. “I’m great at running, and you know it.”

Emily rolled her eyes as she chuckled. “You might think you’re great at running but I still don’t see you actually running around in those.” She teased back. “And I’m definitely not betting against you cause that would just be…dumb.” She smirked.

Y/n placed her hand on her chest and pretended to be offended. “Right in my heart, Em. Right here.” She pointed to her heart as she looked back at her, smiling playfully.

Emily’s smile grew as she watched y/n place her hand on her chest. “Oh please, you’ll live.” She teased before finishing off her drink. “So what are you doing here? Hiding from the party? Standing here with me for no reason?” She raised her brow in a teasing way with a small smirk.

Y/n rolled her eyes and then shook her head, looking back at everyone. She shrugged as she took a sip of her drink. “I don’t know…I just…I’m not exactly a party girl, you know that. And…I feel comfortable with you, so I rather be here.” She smiled softly.

Emily smiled as y/n said she felt comfortable around her, her chest feeling a bit warm at the realization. She swallowed hard as her eyes darted from hers to her now empty glass. “Mmm, I know you’re not a party person. Which is good, means I don’t have to worry about other people trying to hit on you all night.” She smirked slightly.

Y/n raised her brow curiously as she looked back at Emily. “You don’t want people to hit on me? I’m looking for my midnight kiss, though.” She smirked.

Emily raised her brow in a playful way but the idea of someone else hitting on y/n or trying to kiss her, it made her stomach tie in knots. “Your midnight kiss? Please, you don’t need anyone else to give you a midnight kiss.” She said before thinking to herself ‘I would give you a midnight kiss.’ She shook her head, getting rid of the thought.

“Well I’ve…never done that, and Morgan said he used to just kiss random people, so I said…” Y/n shrugged. “Why not? Doesn’t hurt. And I’ll finally get to experience kissing someone by midnight.”

Emily rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms. “Oh course he-“ But as y/n mentioned the whole getting to experience kissing by midnight, she felt her stomach tie in knots again as her jaw clenched. The idea of y/n kissing someone else made her feel sick. “So…who’s the lucky person?” She asked, trying her hardest to sound casual.

Before y/n could say anything, Penelope decided to interrupt them. “Y/n! Y/n!” Penelope ran to them. “Need you on team with me! Come come!” She grabbed her hand before she could even say anything else and dragged y/n with her. Leaving Emily with a knot in her throat.

Emily swallowed hard as she looked around, needing a drink desperately. The thought of seeing y/n with someone else, it made her stomach spin and twist in an uncomfortable way. She quickly made her way to grab herself another whiskey, needing the alcohol to calm herself down. But as she was about to get herself a drink, she noticed Morgan walking to her.

“Ugh, go away.” Emily grabbed the bottle of whiskey and filled her glass again.

Morgan chuckled as he leaned over the bar. “What did I do?” He smirked.

Emily rolled her eyes. “A stupidity, as always.” She looked at Morgan. “Why would you tell y/n to kiss a random stranger to get a midnight kiss?”

Morgan scoffed. “Prentiss, if I said that, was for you to take your chance to finally get your girl.”

Emily furrowed her brows. “What?

“I knew she’d want to be with you, because she’s always by your side, and you by her side. You two are inseparable, and I knew she’d want to be with you in the countdown. So…” Morgan smirked. “It wouldn’t be a complete stranger. She’d have you by her side.”

Emily’s heart raced at the thought, just staring at Morgan. “You- I…” She huffed. “I don’t think she’d do that.”

“Oh, she would. Trust me on this.” Morgan smirked.

Emily looked back at y/n for a moment, watching her play with Penelope. “Well…”

“Just try it out, Prentiss. And you’ll see...” Morgan poked her nose. “…that I’m right.” He winked.

Emily rolled her eyes. “You’re impossible.”

“You’ll love me after midnight.” Morgan chuckled.

********************

Emily was now on her 3rd whiskey, leaning over against the wall as she watched everyone around her getting ready for the countdown. Her eyes darted around the room, trying to catch a glimpse of y/n before the countdown. But it seemed as if she was nowhere to be found, and she was slowly starting to panic.

“Please tell me you’re not hiding here. The countdown will start soon, and everyone is already outside.” Rossi stood beside Emily as he spoke to get her attention.

Emily’s head snapped to look up at Rossi as he suddenly appeared beside her. She swallowed hard, her hand gripping the now half-empty whiskey glass. “U-Um..I’ll be out there in a minute…I just need a minute to….think.” She tried to lie, her eyes darting across the room again, still searching for y/n.

“Y/n is by the swing. She finished playing with Penelope, and then seemed like she had a conversation with her and then went to sit down. So she’s outside.” Rossi smiled, knowing that Emily was looking for her.

Emily felt her heart race, her eyes widening as Rossi revealed where y/n was. She quickly got up from the wall, downing the rest of her whiskey in one go before putting the empty glass on a nearby table. As she took a few steps towards the doorway outside, she suddenly stopped and turned back to Rossi. “W-Wait..why are you telling me this?”

“Because you should go get her. We will soon be welcoming the new year and…you both could start the year with a kiss.” Rossi winked at her and then walked outside.

Emily blushed as Rossi winked at her, feeling like the whole team knew about her feelings for y/n but she tried not to focus on that right now. Taking a deep breath, she quickly walked outside, searching the crowd for you until her eyes finally landed on her. Emily slowly made her way to where she was sitting, taking a moment to admire how beautiful she looked in the moonlight. Her heartbeat was fast now, feeling her nerves build as she finally reached her, clearing her throat softly to get her attention.

Y/n looked up at Emily and slowly stood up, smiling softly. “Em. Was hoping I’d find you before the countdown.” She said softly.

Emily smiled softly, her heart rate speeding up even more as y/n looked at her. “Y-Yeah I was just…” She trailed off, her eyes wandering down her body before quickly bringing them back up to meet hers. “I-I was just grabbing a drink and all…” Completely forgetting she, indeed, did not have a drink on her hand.

Y/n blushed slightly as she noticed the way Emily stared down at her body. She chuckled nervously and nodded softly. “Good.” She said softly as she stared directly into her eyes. She smiled softly. “I was hoping I’d be in the countdown with you.”

Emily felt her own cheeks heat up as y/n blushed from her staring and tried telling herself that it was just a coincidence cause of the lighting out here. She swallowed hard as she said she wanted to be in the countdown with her, a smile forming on her face. “You-“ Emily cut herself off, blushing deeper. She knew if she finished that sentence, she most likely would spill everything to her. “Why?”

Y/n cleared my throat, unsure of what to say. What was she supposed to say? That she was hoping she’d receive the new year with her? That she was hoping for something? “Well…I wanted…to countdown with you.” She chuckled nervously.

Emily’s heart was racing, her mind running wild at her answer. She wanted to countdown with her. But, what did that mean? Did that mean she wanted to kiss her when it struck midnight? Or was that just her being delusional again? Her eyes darted to her lips as she licked her own. “Why me?” She asked with a small chuckle.

“Because it’s you, Em. Why wouldn’t I? I told you…I feel more comfortable around you.” Y/n said softly as she smiled.

Suddenly, Rossi announced that the countdown was about to start and to get their drinks ready. And then, the countdown started. “10…9…8…”

Emily blushed deeply at y/n’s words, her stomach now feeling like it was on fire, the way it burned whenever she was around her. She couldn’t stop her eyes from darting back to her lips again as the countdown started. She didn’t know what to do…. She kept second guessing herself. Should she lean in, would you lean in? Was she waiting for her to make the first move? Emily swallowed hard, trying to calm herself down as her heart was now practically pounding against her chest.

Emily was just about at her limit. The countdown was getting closer and closer to midnight and she was here, looking more beautiful than ever as the moonlight was shining on her. Emily swallowed hard, her eyes darting between her eyes and her lips as she finally worked up the courage to finally speak. “You look so beautiful…god you look so gorgeous right now…” She said in almost a whisper, taking a step closer to her.

Y/n’s breath hitched as her eyes slightly widened, not expecting her words, or…anything at all.* “I…” She chuckled nervously. “T-Thank you…”

“7…6…5…”

Emily’s heart skipped a beat as she slowly reached her hand up to gently cup y/n’s cheek as her eyes darted down to her lips again, taking another step forward to close the gap between them. She spoke in a low voice, her heart aching with need. “I hope you don’t hate me after this…” She whispered softly.

Y/n shivered at her touch, her lips parting as she stared into her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes. But then she furrowed her brows at her words. “Hate you?”

“4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Emily’s heart was racing so fast now as the last few seconds of the countdown went by. At the sound of ‘Happy New Year’ and the sound of all the team and people cheering, Emily moved quickly, cupping y/n’s face with both hands as she suddenly pressed her lips against her own. The second their lips met, fireworks went off in Emily’s mind. Their lips were as soft as they had imagined they’d be. Emily felt like she was flying, like she was in some sort of dream, as she tried to savor the feeling, savor her lips against hers. Her hands moved down from her cheeks, wrapping around her waist as she pulled her closer to her until y/n was pressed up against her body, her heart thumping in her ears. Y/n wrapped her arms around Emily’s neck, pulling her impossibly closer, kissing her back after smiling against her lips. This was finally happening, and her heart was about to burst out of her chest. Her whole body filling with butterflies.

When air became a necessity, they pulled away, y/n’s forehead rested against hers and smiled. “That…was better than I expected.” She chuckled softly.

Emily felt like at any second, her heart was going to beat out of her chest. She felt lightheaded, trying to catch her breath. She was still holding her tightly, making sure this was real, wanting to savor the feeling of y/n in her arms. She chuckled softly, her smile brighter than it had ever been as she spoke, her words coming out in almost a whisper. “I didn’t think you’d kiss back…”

“Of course I’d kiss back. I…I was actually going to kiss you, but then you started talking about me being beautiful and gorgeous and…you distracted me.” Y/n chuckled softly as she moved her hands to Emily’s cheeks, stroking them softly.

Emily blushed deeply, leaning into her touch and closing her eyes. She felt butterflies in her stomach again as she moved her hands down to her hips, holding her close. She opened her eyes again, smiling. “I was so scared…” She admitted, chuckling softly. “I thought you wouldn’t kiss back…that I’d ruin our friendship…”

Y/n shook her head, furrowing her brows as she stroked her cheeks. “No. Why would you ruin it? I…I was hoping you’d stick with me and we would do the countdown and I’d kiss you. And finally tell her how I really feel.” She smiled softly as she brushed her nose against Emily’s. “I’m…so in love with you, and today seemed to be the perfect opportunity.

Emily chuckled, remembering how nervous and anxious she had been the whole night, and this had been the end of it, and she was not complaining. “I’m so in love with you. God, you have no idea.” She then captured her lips again, in a soft, gentle kiss which y/n happily reciprocated.

Morgan chuckled softly and fist bumped JJ and Penelope. “Told you this would work.”

“Finally…” JJ sighed softly.

Penelope cleared her throat. “You…guys realize that now they’ll be disgustingly adorable and lame, right?”

“Worth it.” JJ said as she smiled.

[aphidclan-clangen]

Hi! Happy 2025 :D

You've done an amazing job this past year, Iridis! AphidClan is one of the only clangens I can follow without getting lost or bored within a few updates (including one of my own I tried to start lol); your designs are instantly recognizable and eye-catching, the darker lore is balanced out with enough cute, light moments that it never feels overwhelming or overcomplicated, you express such a wide range of emotions and dynamics so well! Plus the diversity in your character base and your care towards representing a variety of identities, just makes me so happy to see. Everything about this comic is so uniquely creative, it's honestly incredibly impressive.

Obviously nothing against other clangens– just that yours has something special I've been unable to find elsewhere :]

Thank you for everything you've done this year, and I hope the next goes well for you 💞

AWWWW man thank you so much <33 This is so sweet and honestly relieving to hear lol, I often feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing with Aphidclan. Like it’s a constant hazy state of cluelessness that I’ve just grown used to. Im not very aware of like… what my work reads as to others? Man I dunno if you guys even know what’s going on lmao. So it’s really nice to hear an outside perspective and realize that’s probably just a me thing. And that it’s impressive??? Damn, man, thank you lol

I’ve never quite done anything like Aphidclan before. It started at a time in my life when I was…technically my gender exploration journey started months earlier than this, but it was kinda started at the cusp of my own gender identity exploration,,explosion. The first thing I wanted to explore was being xenogender (other folk go from “cisgender —> maybe I’m non-binary or trans…” in their journey like normal people but nah man. before anything else occurred to me I went from “im cisgender” to “maybe I’m a neon rainbow insect with neopronouns actually :)” lmao) and that coincided really well with the rise of the clangen trend, so I figured I’d use some brand new OCs to explore gender identity in a…safe way? In a safe little pocket where it was all,,,nonconsequential and only tangential to my own identity. And I ended up exploring transgender and non-binary identities as well very frequently, which was mostly helped by the game giving me cats with assigned genders/sexes and me squinting at them and going “…nah. that’s a unicorncore trans man if I ever seen one” and reversing it, and then transing half the cast lmao.

I was not transgender going into this comic. I am now coming out of our first year with Aphidclan as a transmasc nonbinary man <3

I never intended it to be a thing for representation points exactly? I was certainly surprised by the lack of xenogender and more complicated/unusual LGBTQ gender identities depicted in all media ever! I still don’t really understand why something like neopronouns aren’t more present? They’re the coolest shit ever. Like- we’ve broken down gender norms and gender roles so much that now gender is not just “feminine” and “masculine,” it’s anything and everything you could ever want it to be. It’s ultimate freedom. It’s not just what it means to be “man” or “woman,” it’s “but what if I was more than that? What if I felt like a bug? Or a rainbow? Or a cloud? Or a connection to nature and the ocean and the stars? What if I felt like I was part of the universe? Or a music genre, or a concept, or a candy bar, an animal, a fairy, a slice of fruit!” You could be anything you’ve ever dreamed of being and more.

And once you get used to the funky grammar of neopronouns, it’s not that polarizingly different from other identities at all, honestly. And plus, it’s really fkin fun lol.

Aphidclan’s helped me explore a lot throughout this year. There were often times where I was struggling with my own femininity as a trans man and I remembered Firebeetle and the support I’ve received for his character, and using “well, if it’s okay for firebeetle to wear dresses and flowers and feminine things, then it’s okay for me to do that too, and it doesn’t invalidate my identity at all” and it really helped. 2024 was a great year for me creatively and exploration-wise, and I’ll certainly never be the same. Thank you guys for all your support, it means a lot <3

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[confused-theist]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ME WHEN HYPNOS

ME WHEN MORPHEUS

SO MUCH LOVE FOR THEM COURSING THROUGH ME PLEASE HOW DO YOU GUYS COPE WITH THIS

[luveline]

IM BEGGING ON MY KNEES PLEASEEEE 🔥🔥🔥 NOTICE MEEEE

Really quiet and shy reader who’s new to the team and Spencer JUST got out of prison like a month ago and he comes back and sees the cutest girl he’s ever seen so young and new to the team and can’t help but tease her

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEE🧎🏾‍♀️🧎🏾‍♀️🧎🏾‍♀️🙇🏽‍♀️🙇🏽‍♀️

Unit Chief Emily Prentiss scares the fuck out of you, but you're still not as intimidated by her as you are by Dr. Reid. 

Dr. Reid, and not Special Supervisory Agent Reid —there's a big difference— shouldn't be a scary guy. He doesn't have any tattoos or piercings, his haircut is tame, and you watch him pour enough sugar into his coffee to weaken the enamel of your teeth just looking at it. But while all or this is true, Dr. Reid just came back from a weeks long stint in one of the most tense prisons in the world. Emily assured you in her way that everything bad you may have heard about Dr. Reid would be false, and that anything positive is true. 

He looks different to how you'd pictured him. Emily's promise aside, Garcia painted him as some sweater-wearing Teddy bear of a boy who likes chess and Doctor Who. 

This is a man. Full grown, full suit, dark-eyes. You're not sure what to feel as he spots you. When Anderson gave you the desk across from Spencer's you'd thought you were lucky, getting treated as part of the team from the very beginning, but now you're not so sure. 

“Hey,” he says, eyes on you as he puts down his coffee atop a stack of medical journals. His things were left untouched while he was gone, even though he was technically separated from the bureau. He's well respected. “I've been excited to meet you. I'm Spencer.” 

“Dr. Reid,” you say immediately, standing up from your chair to meet him besides your desks. 

“Spencer,” he says again. “I don't shake.” 

“Oh, no, of course not,” you say, hiding your hands behind your back. “I know you were here long before me, but I can safely say how nice it is to have you back.” You smile. “They were all so worried about you.” 

“You kept them in line while I was gone?” 

“No, I was useless. I've never felt this stupid in my life.” 

“That's just how it feels for the first year.” He isn't smiling, isn't frowning, a hint of amusement in his eyes and hands steady as he tucks them into his pants pockets. “It's not the others, is it?” 

“No, there's just a lot to learn.” 

“It shouldn't be hard for you, though, right?” He gestures to you like this means something. 

“I don't…” 

“You're what, twenty four?” Spencer picks up his mug and takes a drink. “If you're smart enough to be here now, you'll be fine.” 

“You think so?” 

“Don't tell me you're scared, Y/N.” His lashes flare ever so slightly in feigned surprise. After a second of your obvious flustering, he laughs. “No, you don't scare easily. I can tell.” 

Absolutely nothing like you told me he'd be, Penelope. I thought we were friends. 

“So what was your last case like? The Bentley driver?” he asks, nodding toward your desk. “How's your peer reviews going? They used to drive me insane.” 

You startle and rush to sit in your desk chair, opening the case file from the last case to gather his approval. He flicks through pages, almost non-committal, though he gives a hum of approval when he reads your UnSub summary, and when he sees a comment you'd made that you'd believed to be particularly astute, he laughs. “Yeah,” he says, “you'll be fine.” The smell of him floats your way, cologne or aftershave that makes you feel dizzy. He looks down at you. “Something wrong?” 

“Nothing, uh–” You bite your tongue rather than answer and trip over another useless sentence. 

He touches the top of your shoulder lightly. “It will get easier,” he promises. 

He means work, of course, but for a split second you wonder if he means being near him. If he's like this often, you doubt that that's true. 

[tartagilicious]

8:17pm / kiss me until my lips fall off, kiss me until i start to rot

heyyyyy guys :hehe: thank GOD i still have access to this blog because i've been back in my genshin player days for the past month or so, and i FINALLY WANNA WRITE FOR IT AGAIN IM CRYIUNG!!!!!!!!!! missed all of u sm, hopefully this will be more of a regular occurance now :') going back to my beloved seasons series, also with the last installment, capitano + winter !!

the strongest has never been an easy title to shoulder, both in times of need or peace, sanctifying a never ending cycle of authority that he had been entertaining for centuries. the captain. a newer adornment to his identity, but a significant one nonetheless. once an icon to a legion of soldiers, his place with the archon of ice beckoned a need to keep himself trained, as frigid as the nation he had learned to call home.

and truly, it was with a sword gripped in his gloved hands that he felt most at home -- strong despite the rot that had woven its way into his skin like a disease, whole despite all that he has lost in his centuries of life.

however, it was in your presence alone that he felt most meek.

everything about you seemed to strike him, digging into the innermost dips of flesh in the cavern he called his chest, searching for a heart that had long been subdued. you weren't gentle in your search, oh no -- you never were.

capitano bled for you. although, for once, it was not in a warrior's sense. your smaller hands never struck him, your words never aimed for his weakest points. never once did you aim to worsen the wound you were so often responsible for tearing open. how could you, when you were unaware of its existence?

he bled for you in grumbled words of affection. during those quiet nights it was too cold for you to stand it, when it was simply out of the question to be anywhere but within his broad embrace. he bled for you when you yearned for your homeland, in a way that he had never ceased to mirror, even in his wearier states.

and perhaps most of all, he bled for you when his helmet was discarded.

having grown used to the piece of metal that aided him in shielding the abyssal rot of his features, he was entirely unprepared for the magnitude of emotion that overran him when it came time to expose himself to you for the first time.

but you had never been one to shy away from life's rougher aspects.

your breath escapes your mouth in small white clouds, puffs of air to display your exertion as you walk along the edge of the zapolyarny palace's frosted edges. the grand building melts into the landscape of ice and snow much like its hotter counterpart, the pale mosiac of bricks embodying the chill of its inhabitants.

at the very least, there is one within its depths that you can count on to return the warmth to your worn body. the cloak your lover had gifted you long ago shields you from the rougher elements of snezhnaya's winter at face value. but it's the excitement festering in your chest that keeps you warm enough to find your way through the snowy night. it's the adoration in your heart that lights up the space around you as you step into the harbinger's abode, leading you home.

yet, it's his arm that slings around your waist when you step quietly into the house, the other half of your warm embrace, simply manifesting in a larger form. an appreciative smile is beckoned to your lips as you stretch within the confines of his large arm, your own cloak dropping to the floor as he wills it.

"...you are late." are the words that finally escape from him in a mumbled fashion, voice smothered by the heated skin of your neck. capitano leans over you like a creature out of myth, taking the opportune moment of your hand resting on his back to bury his nose in your hair.

no helmet.

a pleased sound is drawn from the back of your throat as you lean into him, head tilting to follow the path of his lips before you're returning, "...the snowfall is heavy this time of year."

a large hand trails down to your frostbitten own, the action of his fingers intertwining with yours mimicking a blanket of warmth. despite his state of otherworldly decay, you've found that your lover can run quite warm.

spurred on by his own heart, you're sure.

he speaks softly into your hair, tugging you until you're against his chest, no longer your own half -- but now part of a whole. "...you must dress accordingly. your fingers are freezing."

"they will warm up quickly." you promise under your breath, head tilting up to take in his face. no longer is there a quiet sting between you, like the contact of your gaze pains him. all that has been left behind is a dull, and ever-present warmth. "you will warm them up quickly." you add almost cheekily, seemingly proud of your own response.

a rough hum of acceptance replaces a verbal response as he simply pulls you closer, his arms falling to your torso. a once strained action has long become comfortable, and you relish in the familiarity of it as you sink into the harbinger's embrace.

despite his strength, capitano has found that being weak is not terribly bad, either.

[dontfearrr]

Best friends father

Heavily based on best friends brother from victorious lmfao. But this is a very funny request that you can find here

(gif not mine:)

Pairing: Thranduil x Elf!reader

Summary: Legolas and Thranduil have no idea of each others roles in your life

Warnings: none

Category: fluff, fluff, and more fluff

Word count: 1.6k

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Twisting branches hovered high above her and all around her, whistles of the wind through the trees lingered through her ears like an eerie song sung just for her. She glanced around the path, knowing he was out there somewhere, he played this game with her all the time. However this time she was determined to win it. She felt chills crawl up her spine and she nocked an arrow in the blink of an eye, turning her body and releasing the arrow further up.

He felt the brush of the arrow graze his arm and he knew she had won. He swung from branch to branch and landed in front of her on his two feet, she watched his hair fall down back into place perfectly and she giggled, crossing her arms. “You know what, I'll give that one to you. I'm impressed.” He swung his bow back over his shoulder.

“Legolas it is quite rude to underestimate a lady” She told the white haired elf who stared down at her in amusement. “Sorry…if i'm not mistaken, i've won every single time, until now. So I think it was fair” Legolas joked back, only poking at you playfully.

She’d known Legolas for a good thousand years by now, they met during a trading with Imladris and since then they were glued together at the hip. Best friends some would say but if you asked her, she'd tell you he's some silly dumb ass who doesn't know how to handle his elven wine. 

“You just insist on making sure i know you're better than me.'' She gave him a playful eyeroll and began their walk back to the main palace, knowing they both have duties to tend to. “I assume once we return you'll be going off with your mystery lover?” Legolas teased, knowing lately she'd been quite infatuated and busied with her new asset. He was glad she had finally found someone in her life, he felt like a proud brother. (the irony im so sorry)

“You'd be correct, elf boy. Hopefully he's feeling extra nice today..” She teased, knowing Legolas hated hearing the descriptive details of their relationship. 

Legolas groaned in agony and shook his head at her suggestive and very unnecessary comment. “I have never met a more interesting creature.” He used his index finger to push at her shoulder jokingly as they approached the main gates. She gave him a playful smile and chuckled to herself as the guards let them into the kingdom.

“Farewell my friend, late nightfall?” Legolas spoke as he began to walk in the opposite direction of her, waiting for her reply before he turned around. 

“Late nightfall it is! Don't miss me too much!” 

She bowed to him dramatically and watched him turn around and walk off, she did the same. Only she waited until he was completely out of her sight before she began walking to the palace, her head facing the ground to hide from onlookers. Not that it necessarily mattered, however she wouldn't appreciate it if someone decided to gossip to the prince of her private whereabouts. She made her way down the main hall to the throne room, the guards allowing her through with the command of the king. 

She saw him perched upon his beautiful throne, his autumn crown complimenting his head and his blinding white hair fell down his shoulders perfectly, not one hair out of place. He was always a sight to see no matter how many times she'd see him. 

He caught her scent long before she even entered the throne room, his head positioned downward at the elf that approached him, her sweet presence instantly making his whole body relax from its usual tense state.

 “It is more than a pleasure to see you here, for I have missed you dearly.” his deep voice boomed throughout the entire room as he stood up and began descending from the stairs to meet her at the bottom.

 “It was like trying to swat a fly from your drink trying to get rid of him” she chuckled and met him halfway, looking up at him while his arms wrapped around her waist tenderly, pulling her flush against his body in a warm embrace. He ran a hand down the back of her head, smoothing down her hair as he placed a kiss on her forehead. “He seems persistent” he said, a bit jealous of her other companion no matter how many times she would reassure him it's not like that, nor will it ever be.

She just gave him a feigned look of annoyance and brought a hand up to place on his cheek, her thumb caressing his cheekbone gently. “My dear Thranduil, soon you will see the silliness of your jealousy.” she teased him, knowing he hated being called out on his feelings. “Do you insist on making me miserable, my lady?” He gave her a heartfelt smile and placed a hand on her back, gesturing for her to go to the private doors, doors which only the king and prince were allowed to use. They were passages that lead to everything, just quicker and more discrete. 

Every day, Thranduil took her to a new place, slowly showing her every beauty Mirkwood had to offer. His love for her grew every day and only made him want to do anything for her, anything he could. Today he was taking her to the Amaranthine Garden, the specific flora only visible to the royals. He was sure you'd love it for it is one of the few ethereal gardens amongst the elves.

Legolas was speaking with a royal guard, telling them about this morning’s duties, sending him off to go inform the rest. Right before he was about to walk back to the main quarters he was stopped by a messenger who handed him an envelope, he looked on the back seeing it was addressed to Thranduil. He cursed these damned messengers for not just giving it directly to his father, that was something he would also discuss with his father when he gave this to him.

He entered the throne room and found it empty..how strange. He never left his throne around these times unless it was severely important. He searched the room a bit and even called out for him but there was silence. That was until he spotted the private corridors left cracked. He could see the light emitting from the small opening of the door and approached it, he opened it fully but saw no one. Yet he got a whiff of a very familiar scent mixed with his fathers. It made him a little uncomfortable, he was determined to get to the bottom of this, something was up. So down the halls he went, peeking inside every single room, basically sniffing his father out like a dog.

She had her hand around his back and her body pressed into his side while he held her close, showing her the garden and telling her all about the unique plants she'd never seen before. There wasn't a second of this moment where she didn't have a smile on her face as her beloved spoke so gently. 

Thranduil bent down at his knees and carefully picked a beautiful bunch of Rhododendrons, pulling a thread from his pocket and tying the flowers at the stem, holding it out for her. She felt like a princess when she was with him, he treated her with the utmost respect. She took the flowers from him and smiled kindly. “Thranduil you never fail to put a smile on my face, you know that?” She set the flowers in her satchel and placed her hands on his chest.

“I live and breathe to please you meleth nin. I thought it was quite obvious.”

She giggled at this and felt his hands sneak to her waist, caressing her like a teenage boy, until his head snapped in the direction of the door that led back inside. 

“What is my sweet?” she looked at him with quite the confused look until she heard a voice all too familiar.

“Well if it isnt y/n and her mystery lover.” Legolas stood before them with his arms crossed as if he just caught a child sneaking into the cookie jar. 

Her head fell to Thranduil's chest in defeat, knowing she'd been caught red handed. Thranduil however was utterly confused, he hadn't put the pieces together just yet. Legolas approached them and she pulled from Thranduil, meeting Legolas in front of them. She sighed and placed a hand on Legolas’ shoulder. “To be completely fair, you see why i didn't tell you” she joked and looked up to Thranduil. 

“Meet the best friend.” she spoke sheepishly with a weak smile and Thranduil just simply sighed in utter annoyance at this childish situation. “So you were able to keep both of our identities secret from each other, and this is how we find out? You never fail to surprise me little one” He placed a hand on her lower back and gave Legolas an unimpressed look. 

“I think you might find yourself with an arrow in your chest while you sleep tonight” Legolas playfully threatened. “That's if you wish to go blind, you'll find me cosying up with your father in a not so friendly manner.” She shot back, earning a chuckle from Thranduil and a gag from Legolas.

 “I curse you woman.” Legolas turned around to leave them. “And I curse you father, you'll be lucky if you don't find poison in your wine tonight” He said before leaving dramatically, leaving her and Thranduil to laugh amongst themselves. 

“I think that went great!” she tried weakly as Thranduil simply shook his head and continued their walk through the garden.

[angel-eyes05]

to leave the warmest bed i've ever known (part 2)

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

pairing: spider-woman!reader x miguel o’hara 

summary: life on the run is not for the weak. you're reminded of this once you run into someone you haven't seen in a while

warnings: a lot of angst (there'll be fluff and smut soon i swear i just feel like writing angst right now lmao), HUGE ATSV SPOILERS DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MOVIE, mentions and descriptions of blood and injuries, this is so against canon its insane

word count: 2.2k

notes: ok so i changed my mind, miguel and the reader arent gonna make up just yet🤭. trust me when they do it'll be worth it lmao. im gonna need everyone to suspend their belief for the next chapters cause im kind of just making up the plot to beyond the spider-verse at this point for this silly little fic so just go with it

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God, this was very quickly turning out to be a very bad decision. The movies made being on the run seem a lot easier than this. What they had failed to include was how easily it was to get ambushed by Spider-Society members while hopping between the dimensions looking for Miles. Your little group basically had to hop through a bunch of different dimensions within a week and look for him there, then leave before HQ managed to track you guys down. You’re not sure how much time has passed since you left. Maybe a few weeks. Maybe a few months. The passage of time was pretty weird when you were constantly hopping through the fabric of space and time. All you knew is that your eyes had naturally dulled out the neon orange light that shined from the portals you were constantly jumping through. Luckily, none of your team had been caught yet. There had been a few close calls, but only two of those led to severe injuries, one of them being Gwen, and the other time being you.

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You and your team had been ambushed due to a malfunction with the portal opening. Each of you were put with your own variant to fight. Just to your luck, you were confronted by Jess. She looked awful to be honest. Stressed. She was probably put on finding you and your team while Miguel endlessly searched for Miles. This little wild goose chase had tired her out. Part of you felt bad. But that was very quickly overcome by the feeling of betrayal growing in your chest. You had a feeling she felt a similar way. “Please don’t make me do this. Just let me take you home,” she said weakly. Home. That’s right. That's basically what HQ had been to you before. You hadn’t been back to your Earth in five years, ever since Miguel caught you on the top of that building. Jessica was your first friend there. She had shown you the ropes to everything, been there for you during your lowest moments, and guided you to your highest ones. And now you had to repay her by sending her back to Miguel in a bloody pulp. You hated that this is how things had to go. But such was life for someone like you. “I have no home anymore,” you said at her monotonically before charging at her with your fists first. She’s quick to react, using one of her webs to swing away. It’s clear she doesn’t want to hurt you, each of her movements swift to defend herself, but never going on the offensive side. She could easily take you down if she wanted to. She had been doing this longer than you had and was more skilled than you too. She was going easy on you, desperately trying to show you she didn’t want to fight. But you didn’t care. You had put too much on the line to start to give up now.

The others had taken down their foes long before you had finished with Jess. You could see Gwen running up to you out of the corner of your eye, Ben tied up in a web behind her. You webbed her to the floor before she could get closer to the struggle you and Jess were currently in. You gave Gwen a quick, reassuring nod that she returned before running off to find the others. Once Gwen was out of sight, you quickly attached a web to Jess’ face, and pulled it down into your knee, knocking her glasses off her face and shattering on the floor. With her off her balance, you took the opportunity to try to knock her out. You slammed your fists into her face, one after the other, releasing all of the stress that had accumulated in your body over the past couple of months into her cheeks. You couldn’t see the damage you were doing, blinded by rage and betrayal and your fists blocking out her face. The only thing you could see was the blood splattering off of her face onto yours. You felt a voice in the back of your head begging you to stop. You desperately wanted to, but you had lost control of your body. Jess wasn’t the real person you wanted to hurt here, you already knew who that was. But she was the closest thing you could get to him right now. And if you were being honest with yourself, she wasn’t completely innocent to you either.

In her last desperate attempt to save herself, Jess shoved her forearm in the way of your balled up knuckles, grabbed a piece of shattered glass from her broken frames, and shoved it deep into your chest. Your reign of fury on her face suddenly stopped as pain quickly snapped through your body. You quickly fell to your knees, partially out of shock, and looked down to see the blood spilling out of your chest. As Jess dropped to her knees as well, you could finally get a gauge of the damage you’ve done. You couldn’t tell if the blood loss was making you see things, but her nose looked almost crooked, a dark cut slicing through the middle of it and blood pouring out of both nostrils. Both of her eyes were swollen, not entirely shut but on their way there. You looked down at your hands, the skin on your knuckles broken off and bleeding through the fabric of your suit, blending in with its natural red. They were trembling with a mixture of faded anger and new guilt. I never wanted to hurt her, you kept repeating to yourself in your head, as if it was going to make any difference. Maybe if you thought it hard enough, it would erase your actions. You suddenly flinched when you felt Jessica’s hand cupping your face. You looked up at her, mouth agape. Her soft thumb brushed your face as she stared lovingly at your face. So she did know. That made you feel a little less stupid when you broke down in front of her then and there. You just felt awful. Jess was your friend. Your best friend probably. And look at what you’ve done to her. You couldn’t understand how she managed to still be so soft with you, despite how much you’ve just mutilated her face. 

It was ever harder for you to understand how quickly she enveloped you as soon as she saw the tears begin to streak her face. You didn’t deserve this. You should run away. You need to run away. You’re currently bleeding out, and you’re just sitting here, sobbing into the crook of her neck. She’s probably just stalling for time and holding you here until help comes for her. But the longer you sat here the longer you realized…this was just her. It was only Jess here. No help was coming. Jess just wanted to hold you again one last time before letting you run away again. Once you pulled away from her, she wiped away your tears. “Don’t let me catch you,” she whispered into your ear. It was a reminder to you that while she was still holding onto her beliefs, that didn’t mean she ever stopped caring for you. She helped to push you up off of the ground, her hands now covered in your blood. You began to walk away out of  the dark alley to look for the others. Before leaving entirely, you turned around to look at Jess, still laying there. “I’ll find you once this is all over. So don’t you dare die on me, okay?” you shouted at her. She gave a simple nod in return, watching as you stumbled out of alley way. While you made the ultimate decision to let her live that day, you still had anger boiling up in your body. Somebody had to pay for all of this. All of this chaos that was about to unleash itself onto the multiverse. And you know exactly who did. And you didn’t intend to show him the same mercy you showed Jess. No. This was a job you intended to finish. 

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Thankfully, your chest laceration healed up quicker than expected, allowing you and your teammates to get back on track. Images of your encounter with Jess replayed through your mind for the next couple of weeks. The only other person you told about the details of your brutalization of Jess was Peter B., knowing he would understand with all the hard decisions he’s had to make himself. Gwen and Hobie had also noticed that you were acting a little bit off, but you avoided the subject every time they would bring it up. 

Suddenly though, it was happening. The moment you and your team had anticipated for the past couple of weeks. You were awoken by the bright glow of three orange portals opening up, three Spider-Men in each. Your team sprang awake and began to make a run for it. It was no use though, as one by one, each member of your team was separated by a different group of variants, until it was just you, Gwen, and Peter running. While you were running, you felt a hand yank at the hair on the back of your head. You quickly turned around and found Ben Reilly as the culprit. You didn’t hesitate to jump into the air and kick his face, pushing him off of you and onto the floor. As the three of you kept running, your attention was suddenly caught by something else. “Keep your hands off her! That one’s mine!” you heard the familiar voice call out to Ben. A chill went down your spine, as the three of you stopped dead in your tracks. You did it. You finally managed to lure the bat out of his cave. Before you could turn around and find the face that belonged to that deep, alluring voice, you were caught off guard as you felt a body dive into your stomach at full speed, knocking all of the air out of you lungs. The pure force of the dive pushed you and the figure into the brick wall of an abandoned building, crashing into the structure. 

Vision and hearing fuzzy from the impact, you heard Gwen scream out your name and begin to start running to you, before her and Peter B. get swept up by their own variants to take care of. Your head throbs in pain as you look around the building, feeling a huge weight on your chest. You look down at the rest of your body to find what’s weighing you down so much. And it’s him. Miguel’s massive body laying on top of you, his head dug into your stomach and arms wrapped around your waist from the dive. You were partially in shock. First of all, from the fact that your first interaction with him in months is him attempting to kill you (although it’d be a lie to say you weren’t thinking similar things). Second, you were still reeling from the blow. And third, the most shocking of all, was that this was arousing you in some way. Despite how much anger you were feeling towards him right now, you still managed to get butterflies in your stomach from how much of him was on top of you right now. He basically enveloped all of the lower half of your body. 

Shame and anger filled your body fast as you tried to push him off of you, any attempts in vain though due to how massive he was. He helped you though when he began to stand up, allowing you to get yourself up and dive through his legs as an escape. Just as you made your attempt to run out of the hole in the wall, away from a fight you know you couldn’t win, Miguel’s giant hand wrapped around your forearm. He pulled your body back to face him and slammed his massive fist into your face. Blood spurted out of your nose purely from the impact and you were nearly knocked onto the floor. You grabbed your nose in reaction and looked up at him towering over you, unable to make out his expression from his mask. “You must’ve been thinking about this encounter for a while. Have you been thinking about me, Miggy?” you quipped at him. Usually you spoke playfully with him whenever you were in a good mood with him, but this time it was your one desperate attempt to push down any feelings that would get in the way of you doing what needed to be done. “Don’t feel so flattered cariño. Whatever happens here isn’t personal,” he said in that deep, flirty tone you always found so sexy. But right now all it did was piss you off even more. “Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better,” you said, dropping the slight smirk you had on your face. Taking action right away, you charged right at him, ready to do it right this time. You just wished he had his mask off so you could look him dead straight in his crimson eyes as you killed him.

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NEXT CHAPTER

a/n: i had night shift by lucy dacus on loop while writing the fight with jessica....thats all ill say on the matter. also sorry miguel's barely in this chapter i need to set up plot and shit. ALSO I JUST WANNA PREFACE, MY FIC TAKES PLACE A COUPLE OF MONTHS AFTER ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SO JESS HAD ALREADY GIVEN BIRTH. I SWEAR Y/N DID NOT JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF A PREGNANT LADY💀💀💀

taglist: @sunfairyy @ladespedidas @jenniferdixon05207 @chalametet @khaleesihavilliard @sparklyphantom @sweetanimebakery @azxulaa @daimiyu @vinkar345 @pinkninja200 @luvstich @rin-matsuoka345-blog @lillunna @trying-2bcool @deputy-videogamer @chatoicboy @cookielovesbook-akie @impettywhenyouare @unnamedgayperson @sin4tra @twentysomethingwereyote @cherrymanhuas @sagejin @isaidoop @hysteriaabsd @autismsupermusicalassassin @persimmoned-fig @dcsuperheros @amodernarrietty @konniebon @barbi-e7 @venus1224idkpleaze @almondlocust @babybella777 @urmomcomsiimiamour @96jnie @cryptidwlw69 @mirrorball-6 @whosace16 @wolfiepirate @gobblegluckgluckgod @keenzinemugstudent @bitchotine @leopandabearsblog @blumin8 @malynn @mearss @yu-rylee @myhomethesea @ashjbu @skcj24 @joanne-uwu @y2ksitgirl @inosukesweirdwife @a-simp-20 @shibble @euphoricfics @hwanunjin

[fabdante]

my first piece colored for the @zutaracoloringbook !

the lines were done in clip studio paint, the color in marker, colored pencil, gel pen, and paint pen. with some minor digital touch ups after scanning.

you can color this piece for yourself for free! it's in this years @zutaracoloringbook , go pick yourself up a copy! there's tons of beautiful pieces in it including this one, all for free!

under the cut, for anyone interested, im going to ramble a lot about the process of this one because i just have a lot of thoughts asdfghjk the tldr is: this is not at all how i expected this piece to look, i fell asleep working on it at one point which is just wild to me, and 'ooo pretty colors'

i've sat on this one for a little bit and im still not sure how i feel about it? i like it but it's also not at all how i expected the color for this piece to look asdfghj

i originally thought the palette would be darker but after printing the piece i realized, given the lines were not as dark as they would have been if they'd been drawn traditionally, that i'd drown out the lines with that color scheme.

i also made a lot of little mistakes ranging from using colors darker then i wanted for shading to at one point Literally Falling Asleep While Coloring With Black Marker, thus leaving a black spot on the page that I then had to work around.

the paper also was a double edged sword. i did not print on marker paper or artist paper, which usually is not an issue with me. i know most marker artists will strangle me for saying this, but i have never drawn on marker paper? like ever? i taught myself how to use marker on mixed media paper and i have rarely used marker paper since. i've just never felt a need? contrary to what people have said, i've never seen any like abnormal wear and tear on my markers doing this and i, personally, just accept that markers are going to bleed. it's not my enemy it's just part of the medium. it's what markers do. they're a wet medium even on paper made for wet mediums they will bleed out and often bleed through a little bit. i learned how to work around that and use it to my advantage. this paper however, the markers didn't bleed at all? and they dried so fast it made maintaining an even texture and blending like i normally do a challenge. it just didn't have a lot of give? HOWEVER the color pay off was CRAZY like the colors are so vivid and bright and rich. like, i made my own color chart for my markers on index cards and then i would often test the colors on scrap paper of the same paper to confirm what the colors going to look like but when i would use colors on the piece itself they were always darker, richer, brighter, and just all around way more vivid. which makes the piece very nice to look at, admittedly asdfghjk. so paper pros: fantastic color pay off like crazy color pay off, paper cons: I Don't Know How To Blend.

for anyone wondering why i didn't print on marker paper: firstly, i don't have any this size. secondly, marker paper tends to be pretty thick and not super malleable so i didn't think it'd be safe for my printer. likewise, i didn't think any of my other paper would be either. so i decided to do what i did last year which was use a fancy paper stock i had that was printer safe for my printer paper so it's not just regular thin computer paper.

some of these technical issues i blame on being out of practice, i haven't worked in marker for a minute and this piece involving such large scale blending was a bit ambitious especially on unfamiliar paper (learning how to blend with markers i find is just a lot of practice with your particular markers to know how they behave while also knowing your paper). but im also just confused because i feel like the paper behaved better when i used it last year and with my self portraits asdfghj im wondering if i just printed this on the wrong side? more testing is in order before i work on my next two pieces dfghjklfghjk

so, anyway, i might try to color this one again because i don't know how satisfied i am with it. like, i like it, but also it just doesn't feel correct. i might do it digitally or i might do it traditionally, we'll see. but im not going to try again until i finish the other two i need to color. i think this stems from the fact that i just feel like the palette was meant to be different then the one i ended up with so it just still feels incomplete to me. we'll see how i feel, though, when i finish the other two.

anyway, if anyone read all of that, thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[ethansluvbot]

riding ethan for the first time please!!! love your writing btw<3

CRUEL SUMMER | SUB!ETHAN LANDRY

warnings: adult content, spoilers?, rough sex, riding, unprotected sex, and smut :)

an: i just got really sick randomly? anyways, i'm so so sorry for not posting in awhile. i just started a new school and even though its the end of the year its stressful. it also didn't help that i had horrible writers block. also, I've never written smut before so i will get better at this eventually! i'm binge watching the harry potter movies while eating soup now lol.

with a ton of convincing from sam, ethan and tara you decided to volunteer for a summer camp. sure, spending you day with kids had its downs, but you enjoyed seeing ethan interact with kids.

the kids screams filled your ears as you run to pick up their messes. the sticky hair didn't help your anxiety at all. you sat next to sam with your head on her shoulder.

"how did you convince me to do this shit?"

a quick slap hit your shoulder as you let out a yelp, "no cursing, there's kids around. plus you could never say no to ethan, it looks like he's enjoying it."

"i know. he's been going on about this since january.," you know ethan was a total soft guy, he never would harm a soul. it took him awhile but he finally convinced you to help out.

you both heard footsteps approach you, a sigh came out as you saw his shoes. immediately you jump up and wrap your arms around his neck.

"thank god you're here to save me from sam, she's trying to make me actually do something." he let out a chuckle as he waved to sam.

"im here to take you away," he smirked as you smiled back at sam. you heard her softly gagging beginning to walk away.

"hey! i missed you today, it seemed like you were having fun with your cabin."

"i was! i actually taught a kid how to swim today." you grabbed on to his hand. you loved this side of ethan the soft, dorky and funny side of him to be exact.

"umm, i was wondering where you see us in the future? i know we have a little until we finish college but it's been on my mind."

"well, to be exact i see us in well paying jobs, a modern family home and hopefully kids of our own." you felt his mood shift with that. you might've not been the most kid involved person, but it was great to know you would consider the idea.

you both stepped into the cabin immediately grabbing pajamas. you felt ethans shattered breath at your neck. turning around you slinked your arms around his torso.

"can i help you?"

"god- i want to kiss you so bad right now."

you gave in to ethans innocent act, attaching both of your lips. his cold hands found his way up your back as you moaned in surprise. he hummed in pleasure, kissing down your stomach.

you flip the two of you over, "i wanted to try something new if that's fine?"

he nodded intently, he trusted you with his life and knew you wouldn't do anything to hurt either of you. he's desperate to finally get you undressed as he tugs at your pants.

"someones needy," you tease unbuttoning your jean shorts. his hands explored your body, undoing your bra and throwing it to the side. ethan was already undressed by the time you turned around.

"lay down."

he threw his head back as you pushed yourself down onto his cock. you put your hand over his mouth being careful not to arouse any suspicion.

"will you be a good boy and be quiet?" he hummed in response, "words baby."

"yes, ill be good," he let a muffeled whined out.

you let your nails scratch down his abs as you begin to move. his fingers begin to trace circles on your clit as you bounce. you were still adjusting to his size but since ethan was so eager you began to move.

"don't stop," he lets an exaggerated sigh come out of his mouth. you grab his chin making him look at you. he keeps his hands on your hips as you trail kisses down his neck.

you rested your hands on his chest helping him move you. even without him speaking he could tell he enjoyed this greatly. you felt his hand kneed at your ass.

looking down you see his glossy eyes look up at you, "aw, poor baby. are you not getting enough attention."

you were almost using him for your own pleasure, which you felt bad but, oh did it feel so good. he was getting anxious as you felt him squirming.

you felt him thrust into you a few more times. you could feel his tenseness, only meaning that he was reaching his high. leaning down you planted a kiss onto his lips.

"oh fuck- i love you."

[iheartchv]

Hey, can you do a vampire, Leo x F!Reader, but in Bayverse with prompts and can you do it in a lemon too

79. “Lay back and let me take care of you.” 74. “Just relax.” 89. Mating season 142. “Bite me.” 58. Turtle bedroom 123. “Don’t hold back.” 132. “Argue all you want, we both know you belong to me.” 32. “Do you trust me?” 5. “MINE.” and turning into a vampire

Could you add this request to your Masterlist

Sorry this took sooo long, I've been working on my life and trying to figure out/ plan what I'm gonna do in the next 2 years ( I'm living with and supporting my dad until he is able have steady income somehow or someway.) Im sorry if this seems rushed or all over the place, it's been a while since I've written anything and... I've run out of ideas for the vampire TMNT AUs. Hopefully the spooky season can give me inspiration/motivation to start writing again🎃😈🧡💜🖤

Prompts used (c) @turtle-babe83

Everyone involved in the story is 18+ This was written by an adult for adults. ⛔No one under 18 here please.⛔ By clicking Keep reading you give consent that you are mature and of age to read the content below⚠️

💙🐢💙🐢💙🐢💙🐢💙

He was taught to stay hidden in the shadows. But the way you looked under the moonlight was enough to make him feel alive, something he hadn't felt for a long time. You were... different, and he couldn't help but to be drawn to you... like a moth drawn to a flame.

💙🐢💙🐢💙🐢💙🐢💙

Leo stood before you on the rooftop of your apartment, the pale light of the moon bathing the both of you in the spotlight for an invisible spotlight. He had sent you a text saying that he needed to talk with you. And here you both were, safe from any prying eyes.

"What is it, Leo?"

You crossed your arms across your chest, waiting to hear what the turtle in blue had to say. The way the moon made his eyes glow made him look dangerous. It caused your heart to pound, feeling like a prey to a hunter. You knew that he was a vampire after sometime, knew he was dangeous but... you couldn't stay away from him. You couldn't stop thinking and dreaming of him.

Leo's ocean blue eyes looked you up and down. He felt a stirring inside him. It was a powerful urge to do more than taste your blood... He knew what this hunger was. He had dealt with this feeling for so long, but since meeting you it had intensified. It was getting harder and harder to resist the temptation of taking you as he mate.

He knew you had feelings for him, too. Right now, he could read your mind, hear the sound of your heart starting to race. Even without his vampiric powers, he could tell by the light blush of your cheeks what you were thinking. He took a deep breath and then started to speak.

"Y/N, do you... believe in fate?"

What kind of question was that?

"I... don't know. I've never thought about things like destiny or fate."

"I've thought and meditated about it, and... I believe that you and I were meant to be."

You had so many thoughts running through your mind. Thoughts of you and Leo being immortal, together forever... This was all of a sudden and it had caught you off guard. What was you supposed to say?

"How can you say that? How can you be so sure? We've only known each other for a short time." You continued to spout out nonsense, anything to deny and lie to yourself about the way you felt toward him.

Leo stepped forward and replied,“You can deny and argue all you want, we both know you belong to me.” He could see through your meaningless words. Because whether you knew or not, you belonged to him before he knew you. He claimed you the first time he laid his eyes on you.

"Leonardo..."

You felt tears burn your eyes and turned your back to him, thinking that not by looking at him you'd be more rational with your thoughts. However in your minds eye you could see the terrapin's glowing blue eyes, drawing you into the luminious orbs. With a heavy sigh and a soft voice you said to him,"We're both from different worlds, it... it wouldn't work out between us even if we tried."

'You're so cruel to make me feel this way, Leo... I'm just trying to protect us from heart ache... I care for you too much to hurt you.'

Strong arms were wrapped around you in an embrace from behind. Leo had pulled you in, burying his snoot into the crook of your neck and shoulder, letting his senses be enveloped by your scent. He wanted to be intoxicated by you.

He could feel the pain in your heart just by looking into your eyes. He breathed as slowly and as calmly as he could to control his unquenchable thirst for you. This wasn't easy but for you he'd do anything to protect you.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. That was out of line and selfish of me... I'm not usually like this, but.. you're the only one who makes me feel this way."

There was a silence between the two of you for a moment and then your hands gently touched one of his arms. The pebbled texture of his skin against the smoothness of your palm was an interesting sensation.

"I know. I... just need some time to think about all of this."

"Whenever you're ready, I'll be waiting for you, y/n."

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

After a few months, and a few times of spending the night with Leo, you were ready to accept the leader's proposal: to make you his forever. Call it being overconfident, or maybe just being completely stupid, but your feelings for Leonardo made itself be known and in your heart of hearts you loved him. There was no turning back, and there would never be someone who could treat you the way he did. 'Just relax. Lay back and let me take care of you,' he had said to you during your first time with him.

And right now, you were underneath him panting and moaning, with his hands holding your legs back as he rocked in and out of your dripping pussy. He was huge compared to a human and had made you orgasm a few times already... he was just getting started.

Leo was chasing his orgasm, knew he wouldn't last much longer. The urge to bite you, taste your blood, and fully take you as his grew stronger and stronger everytime. But with the last sliver of self control he had he stopped himself before he could sink his fangs into your neck.

“D-don’t hold back," you panted.

“Do you trust me? I... don't want..."

“Yes, bite me, please, Leo~ I want you, I want you," you softly whined.

He heard your mewling plea. How could he resist the look of wanton desire that burned so brightly in your eyes? After all, he vowed to give you everything you wanted.

He purred near your ear then growled, “MINE.”

Then he pierced his fangs into crook of your neck, tasting your sweet warm blood as it coated his tongue and down his throat. As he was doing that, he was slamming his hips against yours, becoming lost in the euphoria he felt right now. The sounds of your mixed crys of pain and pleasure spured him on, wanting to bring you to highest point of paradise.

This time with Leo was different from those other nights. After being spent, you fell into a deep sleep. That is until Leo softly woke you, his voice echoing in your mind. You knew in that instant that you and him were to be together forever more.

If you'd like to support me or my works, tip my Ko-fi ☕

[quitealotofsodapop]

I've sent a similar ask before, but in peachsoup I want to see everyone's reaction to Sun Wukong being named Peaches.

Nehza: *face palms.* No memories and he is still subconsciously pining.

Erlang: *on the floor laughing* It takes a special kind of simping to do it with no memory.

Macaque: *crisis because even with no memory, Wukong chose his nickname for him as a name, but also he's supposed to be angry about dying but peaches-*

Prev.

Dont worry about resending. My inbox is stuffed to the gills and I get lost in it. Also indenting doesnt seem to work right when im on mobile.

I ended up making a bit of character dialogue based on this ask between Peaches and his school-friend "Nez"

Nez: "So how did you get the name Peaches?" Peaches: "Oh! When Dadsy- uh dad found me and MK, he called me it because peaches were pretty much the only thing I ate." Nez, agreeing hum: "Make sense." Peaches: "Then when we were adopted, we needed new legal names - so Zhu Taozi it was!" Nez: "So... you never considered having another name? I mean, the legal folk definitely gave you time to think about it. Why did Peaches resonate with you?" Peaches, twirling hair in thought: "This is gonna sound weird... but I felt like it's always been my name." Nez: "Really?" Peaches: "I know! It sounds so weird! But when I heard it for the first time, it just sounded so natural. Like someone I care about a long time ago called me it? Nez, intrigued: "Oh... so you think it was a nickname from a sibling or a parent or...?" Peaches, confidently: "I think it was someone I was in love with." Nez, memory thread unlocked?: "OH. Oh um... how can you tell?" Peaches, blush creeping: "I don't know! When I sit and meditate on stuff like this, I can just imagine someone just so beautiful with this deep voice chuckling my name like it was meant for me." (*hugs his own body lovingly*) Nez, honesty touched: "Aww..." Peaches, little embarrassed: "I'm sorry. Thats sappy." Nez: "Nah, it's really cute. Who knows? Maybe it's a sign from Yue Lao about who your soulmate it. He sometimes uses dreams to push fated lovers towards one another." Peaches, tail swishing with excitement: "Oh my gods, you're right! It could be a premonition! I wonder if my fated one is as beautiful as I see them! Nezha, internally: "He can't remember over 2000 years of life, but he can remember what his mate used to call him. It would be funny if it wasn't so bittersweet."

Once Macaque gets back, it's hard to see where his face mask begins and end. Learning that even with his memories gone Wukong chose to be called "Peaches", sends the shadow monkey into a conflicted mess. He's mad about getting KO'd obvs, but "Peaches" is both a tragic example of what if Wukong had died (Peaches is almost his own monkey after all), and a revelation that Wukong never truly forgot his mate.

Erlang is laughing his ass off as all of this goes down. His third eye was just spitting patch updates to him one day and BAM; Wukong's mate is back, and just learned that his amnesiac mate remembered and valued his pet name enough to make it his new name. It's way too funny to keep quiet about. He tells all his sworn bros about it.

When Peaches' family realises that "Peaches" was the pet name his big bro's crush called him back when they were a couple... they think its really cute. But the bad boy still isn't coming over for dinner.

[dfortrafalgar]

Special Delivery

(Sanji x Fem!Reader- Offscreen)

Sanji reaches out to Zeff for the first time in years.

I wrote this many, many months ago now, and it was the first fic i posted anonymously on AO3. I got a few requests after it was originally posted to write a second part, which I eventually did!

You can read Part 2 here! Original AO3 link

(I figured I should let my blog breathe a little in between the really heavy and emotional Law fic im writing, and what better way to cool down than some sanji fluff <3)

A sharp squawk awoke Red-Leg Zeff from his daze. With a grumpy expression and a low grunt, he peered towards the direction of the sound.

A messenger coo was seated on the railing of the Baratie's upper deck next to where Zeff stood slouched over with his forearms leaning against the wooden support. It cocked its head to the side as if it was deconstructing Zeff's appearance before reaching into its pouch and procuring a parchment envelope. Zeff found it strange. Messenger coos only usually delivered the newspapers or the latest bounty reports, very rarely were they put in charge of personalized letters. It must have been paid off by whoever wanted this delivered.

The gruff man took the parchment from the beak of the bird and watched as it took back off into the air, leaving a few molted white feathers behind in its wake. He looked at the envelope.

All it said on the front, in very elegant handwriting, was "Captain Zeff." He flipped the paper around, revealing a wax stamp holding the opening down, which he peeled off with a calloused thumb.

Tucked neatly inside the envelope was a white piece of paper, tri-folded over itself. Zeff slipped the paper out, unfolding it to reveal the written contents of the letter. The penmanship was impeccable, and the ink was very sleek. He knew immediately it was from Sanji, not many other pirates had handwriting as good as his. He had completely lost track of how many years it had been since the curly-browed boy left with that ragtag group of pirates to sail to the Grand Line, but Zeff had every single one of his bounty posters. He'd never admit it, but they were tacked up on the wall of his sleeping quarters. Every time Sanji's bounty increased, Zeff felt pride swell in his heart.

"How are you doing, you old geezer. It's been a little too long since we've had any contact, so I thought I'd write to you just to see how you've been. You're no slouch, I'm sure you've been keeping up with the world's events over the past however-many years. Do the Marines even bother to keep sending our bounty posters to the Baratie anymore? Well, regardless, I'm sure you can read right through me. I can't deny it, I miss you, old man. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, and such a huge part of that is thanks to you and the guys back on that old cruiser. Every recipe I try to make, I imagine you screaming in my ear and telling me that it tastes like shit. Some days I really wish I could be back there, but most of the time I'm joyful. Life has been really, really good. A few years ago, I met someone. Last year, we got married, and soon after our lives changed so drastically. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, and she's as sweet as an angel. I mean it, too. I know you'd probably think something along the lines of me playing up my affections again just because she's a pretty woman, but I mean it. You'd love her, Zeff. Living as a pirate is the most stressful thing anyone could ever do, but she makes every day worth it. The crew was discussing the possibility of returning to the East Blue a bit ago, and when we do, I'm going to introduce you to her. I've spent the last years talking all about you, how you taught me everything I know about cooking, and I can tell she's just as excited as I am to finally see you. This letter's gone on long enough and I don't want to use up all of Nami's paper.

-- Sanji"

Zeff felt a lump in the back of his throat. Sanji had grown into such a fine young man, eloquent with his words and his feelings. He knew how big of a deal it was for the boy to be so honest and open. But one thing in the letter caught him off guard. What did he mean by, "Soon after our lives changed drastically."?

Zeff peered into the envelope, where another, smaller envelope was tucked inside. He almost didn't see it. Pulling it out, he held the letter and original envelope in between his fingers while he opened the second. Sanji was thorough with his packaging, that's for sure.

Inside, there were three photographs printed on thin, matted paper. The first was of Sanji and you, the wife he wrote about in his letter, taken by someone else holding the camera. Sanji had his arm around you, holding you against him, and you had your face nuzzled into his neck. His other hand held a cigarette away from the two of you, like he was in the middle of telling a story. The two of you were smiling brighter than the sun, Sanji's eyes completely closed with the motion of laughter, and yours creased, your irises looking up towards him.

The second photo made Zeff's eyes water. A photo of you and Sanji on the deck of the Sunny, exchanging rings. Sanji was wearing a sleek navy blue tuxedo, while you were wearing a gorgeous white ballgown. For pirates, you cleaned up phenomenally. He could just make out tears in Sanji's eyes as the photo displayed you sliding a band onto his finger. A skeleton with poofy hair stood between the two of you, which Zeff found a little odd, but he chuckled at the absurdity of it all.

Zeff flipped to the last photo.

The tears that were welling in his eyes from the previous image finally slid down his cheeks in heavy, salty droplets. His lip quivered.

Sanji sat in a chair, beaming down at a bundle of cloth held gently in his arm. He was crying in this photo as well, and was reaching a finger over the top of the bundle, where a smaller hand was reaching outwards to grab onto it. A small glimpse of blonde hair could be made out from under the cloth securing the baby tightly. On the back of the film, Sanji wrote the birth date and the name of the baby.

Zeff used a sleeve to wipe his blubbering eyes. His lips quivered, but he couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face.

Was he allowed to call himself a grandfather now? He figured it was only appropriate.

[icaruspendragon]

im sorry to ask but i dont know what else to do—how did you do it how did you dig yourself out because it feels like i am choking on dirt and people keep shoveling it onto me and i miss her so much and i dont know how to make this feeling stop. she was my best friend. ive never lived in a world without her before. how did you do it. how are you doing it

grief is so hard and so heavy when we first meet it. it feels like all our arms will ever hold for the rest of forever. and it is, in a sense. once we pick it up, we never really set it down. not fully.

and I don't think it gets lighter, I think we somehow, impossibly, get stronger.

there's lots of metaphors for grief. that's one of them. another one I like to use is that it feels like you're in the grave with them. like lazarus. like yourself. waiting for someone to raise you from the dead. to raise you both.

I've learned a lot about crawling out of the grave. more than I would have ever wanted to learn. like how emptiness is actually quite heavy. or how to pretend like you feel half-alive. but I think the most important thing I've learned is that somedays, we inexplicably end up back in it. and that sucks.

because we just spent months clawing our way through the bugs and the earth. because our soldier-hands have finally breached the surface. because the sun is finally caressing our hell-fresh faces. because for the first time in months we feel like we can finally breath. and then, suddenly, we're right back in the terrible thick of it.

those days make it feel like I'm sisyphus and grave dirt is my rock. or like I'm prometheus and the darkness is my eagle.

but then it's tuesday.

which is to say my brother died on my 25th birthday, a monday. and that day is now a memory that's fuzzy around the edges. single snapshots I know are connected, but I couldn't tell you how. I remember my mother standing in my bedroom and tears and family and phone calls and cleaning my living room because I didn't know what to do with my hands. I remember going to my grandmothers and my phone vibrating off the table and leaving to go get coffee because I couldn't sit still. I remember joking, trying to joke. trying to do whatever I could to make sense of that impossible day. I remember checking my phone and reading and rereading the messages, a mixed bag of congratulations for surviving another year and condolences that my brother didn't, I remember not knowing how to respond to any of them. so I didn't. I remember being surrounded by so many people doing nothing but extending love and kindness to me and never feeling more alone. the world was ending and I was alone. I thought that day would go on forever.

but it didn't.

it ended, as all things do. monday was over and my first day as an only child was done.

and suddenly it was tuesday. and everything was different but also exactly the same.

it was tuesday and my brother was dead. I was so heavy when I woke up that first tuesday. so heavy and confused. I thought the world had ended. it surely felt like it had. but it hadn't. because the world couldn't have ended on monday.

not if it was tuesday.

it was tuesday and my brother was dead but the world wasn't ending. monday should have been our demise, but it wasn't. and it hasn't. and it won't. because just as sure as we have mondays, we'll always have tuesdays.

that's something I've taken a strange comfort in, knowing that we'll always have tuesdays.

the feeling never stops. but I think that's okay. because you're only feeling that way because there was love first. and as much as what I felt on that first tuesday hurts, as much as it suffocates, as much as it consumes, I'd take the hurt and the suffocation and the consumption because the love I felt first will always, always be worth it.

tuesdays will always be worth it.

like yeah, if I loved less, it wouldn't hurt this bad. but I don't want to live in a world where I have to love less. where I was loved less.

I'll take the pain. I'll take the grave days. I'll take the rock. I'll take the eagle. I'll take apocalyptic, earthshaking mondays. I'll take every last wretched bit because goddamn what a miracle it is to love so bad it hurts this big.

I hold that love, his love for me and my love for him, a love that's now become our love in the cage of my ribs while I'm in the cage of the grave. and I dig.

it's monday and I dig.

I dig.

and then tuesday comes.

[cinnamonbear22]

oblivious love (c.s x reader)

chapter one

disclaimer!

yall i know they’re sober okay it’s just for the story, i have like seven chapters of this written up n i just wanted to see how one part would do so far :) i might not get everything accurate but it is just a story so don’t come for me ! plz!

tw

fem!reader, fluff, substance use

"did you want to stop anywhere else before we go?" nick turned to me as my bags were clustered together on my arms as he only had a few.

"i think im okay" i looked down at my purchases, not even remembering what i had bought within the last previous hours since i had just fully splurged without a second thought.

"i think so too" nick chuckled and pulled out his phone while we stood on the busy strip of shops and restaurants. "let me get an uber and we'll head back" he didn't look up from his phone as he spoke, his hair gently blew in the wind that had a hint of sea salt lingering behind it.

i felt exhausted. i had a busy day out with nick. we went to the beach, went shopping, ate dinner, basically spending our whole day together. but this wasn't even the most busy day i had within the last two weeks with them.

the sturniolo family and mine had grew up together for as long as i could remember, in fact, me and the triplets were only born a week or two apart. my mom and their mom were childhood best friends since seventh grade, so they had also grew up together as well. they’ve always had plans as little girls to have babies around the same time so they could through motherhood together. it was always a childhood fantasy until it had actually happened, and ever since i could recall me and the triplets have never been separated… up until they had moved out of our hometown and to los angeles. they had often come to visit, but unfortunately they were extremely busy now than ever since the fame had rapidly taken over.

but they had spoiled me and flew me out for three weeks with them after not seeing them for six months. it was an unexpected present they had sent me and watched me open it over facetime. and i'll never forget their and even my own reaction.

i was about a week and a half into my trip, and already i've been extremely spoiled and so nicely treated by them. it was nothing new, when we were younger they had always treated me like a princess and the princess treatment still carried over twenty years later.

after about five minutes our uber pulled up to the curb we were waiting at, and we carefully slid in with all of our items. we talked quietly amongst ourselves, both of us feeling extremely dreary from our long day out. "we should deliver ice cream or something" my eyes lazily scanned the crowded ice cream stand as we drove by it.

"you said you were full after dinner" nick averted his gaze from looking out his window and looked down at me, laughing softly.

"ice cream sound amazing though right?" i cocked a brow, knowing i am going to order the ice cream with or without him.

"you're right" he sighed in defeat, rubbing his mouth in a contemplative way. me and nick were always the closest out of the three. i loved them all with my entire heart, but nick was truly my best friend. we would be able to sit in silence for hours just comfortable with each other's presence, hanging out for hours on end and being able to talk about absolutely everything. "what are you going to wear to that party tomorrow?" he broke me out of my daydream as the roads became more familiar as we got closer to their home.

"i think that little black dress i bought would be nice, no?" i turned to him, sort of thinking about the idea.

"you can never go wrong with that" he agreed. "i'll wear all black with you if you end up wearing that" he offered, making me laugh a bit.

"that would be great" i said wittily, my dreary head shifted its way onto his shoulder. "i'm a little nervous for the party"

"how come?" he pursed his lips, his eyes now shifting down to connect with mine.

"well i wouldn't know anyone besides you guys" the uber stopped in front of the house so we can be let off. we politely thanked him before shuffling out, grabbing all of my bags with me.

"well, you don't need to know anyone else but us" nick reassured with a little smile as he began to punch in the gate code.

"i wouldn't want to be annoying though and just leech off of you guys the entire time" the gate opened and we started to walk through, quickly the front door swung open.

"trust me you aren't annoying anybody here (y/n)," nick continued to reassure me as my eyes watched matt slightly jog down the front porch steps and to us.

"why didn't you help her with her bags?" matt looked at nick and nick quickly defended himself from his brother.

"i tried to, but she wouldn't let me" nick locked the gate back up as matt grabbed some of the bags off my arms without even asking me.

"i could've carried them myself" i looked up at him with a smile.

"you looked like you were struggling on your way up" he didn't even look at me before taking the lead and walking back inside, me and nick following him. nick side eyed me behind matt's back with his lips curled into a scoff, making me slightly giggle.

"did you guys eat yet?" matt asked as i made my way to the guest room that was tucked away within the first floor.

"yes" i heard nicks footsteps go up the stairs and my other bags that matt was holding rustling behind me as i made my way to my room for the time being.

once i was in my room i set my bags down and sat down on the bed, watching matt set down everything else. "thank you" i reached down and began to untie my shoes, ready to get into my pajamas after the long day.

"of course" he smiled gently and looked at me for a few long seconds before speaking again. "chris was looking for you all day today" matt rubbed his eyes with a slight smile.

"really?" my brows furrowed together but i couldn't help that i was a bit excited from hearing that. the name 'chris' even has me in a chokehold. we all grew up together, we grew up the same way, we all seen each other just as frequently as the other, besides nick, who i was inevitably closer with and hungout much more one on one, but even ever since we were little kids, me and chris's bond has always been slightly different, and everyone would be able to tell that no matter who you are. but i would never let myself act on those different feelings. i never wanted the ruin the dynamic between all of us.

"mhm," matt hummed, making his way to the door. "let me know if you need anything" he shut it behind him as i stared down at my feet for a moment.

i pushed myself off my bed and made my way towards the bathroom that was connected to the guest room and began to do my nightly routine, thinking about what matt had said but not taking it too far into consideration. i put my glasses on as the last step of my routine and quickly changed out of my clothes and into my pajamas, plaid fleece bottoms and a little tank top.

i slipped on my beige slippers and grabbed my phone before heading to nicks room, but before i could even open my door three knocks startled me. "can i come in?" chris's voice was muffled on the other side of the door. i opened the door which he seemed surprised, his eyes were extremely droopy, his hair was messy, his pajama bottoms sagged slightly revealing his boxers and he didn't have a shirt on. "oh..." he took a step back. i smiled and moved out of the way, giving him entrance into my temporary bedroom. "where have you been all day?" he asked, launching himself onto my bed and instantly cuddling up in the blankets.

"i was out with nick, i told you that, but i guess it just turned into an all day thing" i turned around and looked at him, and now that he was in the light i could see his eyes were a bit pink as well. "are you only coming to me because you just smoked?" i still stood and watched him as he got comfortable.

"no, no, no" his droopy eyes quickly went wide and he sat up, "i missed you today that's all, and i just happened to smoke. coincidence"

"got it" i couldn't help but smile at him and i made my way towards the edge of the bed, keeping our distance although i felt my skin on fire. i wish that the feelings would go away, but after several years they never had.

"you got a little sunburn on your cheeks" he reached his hand up and gently brushed his thumb across my cheek.

"is it bad?" i pulled myself away from his hand and touched it with my own, feeling the slightly irritated skin. i didn't even notice it in the bathroom.

"no, not at all" his tired eyes locked with mine. "it's cute" he grinned, making me smile too. he knew what he was doing. i felt like he had known i had a crush on him, but sometimes i think he's completely oblivious to it. i am sort of hoping he's more on the oblivious side.

it wasn't unnoticed that i would get a little more nervous whenever he was around, a little more aware. with matt and nick i was fine but with chris, even though i knew i could be myself around him, i still felt a small edge.

"do you really think so" i said sarcastically and put my hand under my chin, posing my face so he could see all sides.

"i really do" he chuckled, putting his hands behind his head now as he laid back down. the soft light in my room prominently brought out his light muscle tone along his strong facial features. "what are you going to wear to the party?" he asked me, referring to tomorrow.

"i bought a little black dress today" i looked behind me at the plethora of bags scattered around my room.

"that's always a classic" he nodded, the corners of his lips upturned.

"i spent so much money..." i sighed, still looking at the bags.

"did you use my card like i told you to?" he asked, now propping himself up on his elbow.

"as guilty as i am, i did" i scratched the back of my head and looked at him, his face washed over with excitement.

"well technically..." he now had deceitful look in his eyes, making my stomach churn. "i bought all these clothes so you have to give me a haul"

"you want a haul?" i couldn't help but to giggle a bit.

"please" his icy blue eyes looked up at me as i began to stand up, sending chills through every part of my body. "especially the victoria secret bag, i want a try on haul"

"cut it out" i turned my head to him as he was smirking at his little remark. "thank you by the way, you seriously did not have to give me any money"

"i wanted to" he watched me carefully now as i picked up all the bags and set them down on the bed. "so what did you get?" he sat himself up now and leaned against the headboard. "show me the dress"

i shuffled and dug around into some bags until i found the dress, his face immediately dropped as soon as i pulled it out. "what? is it ugly?" i was taken aback from his reaction.

"no not at all" he was looking between me and the dress. "it's just that..." he hesitated before speaking making me more nervous.

"just say it! am i too big for this dress? will it not compliment me?" i started to panic now, of course my thoughts quickly spiraling. that was nothing new to me.

"no! absolutely not!" he jumped up in quick defense, still looking at the dress. "it just looks like the size of a t-shirt…" he mumbled so softly, making me laugh that all the anticipation was for nothing. "it's not funny, it's too short" he started to laugh along with me, snatching the luxurious dress away from my hands. "are you sure this says dress on it? are you sure you didn't get it in the shirt section?" he started to look at it closely now, looking at the tags and everything. "it's so silky" he started to rub it against his face like a child with a blanket. "this is silk right?"

"stop it" i took it back from him with a smile, his eyes were still somewhat in a trance on the dress. "yes it is"

"i'll have to keep an eye on you all night if you wear that" he huffed, running his fingers through his hair. "are you going to wear like," his gaze averted up to my eyes, and i held it strongly. "wear a jacket..? like one that goes to the floor and you just button it up all the way and the dress underneath it so technically you're still wearing it out"

"i'm in los angeles, i didn't think i needed a jacket" i scoffed, neatly laying the dress across the desk chair that was in the room. he looked like he was in deep thought now. he licked his lips and wiped his mouth, all of his subconscious habits coming into play. i was now standing at the foot of my bed as he looked contemplated, but i was ready to go into more of the haul.

"nick let you buy that dress? for how short it is?" his pink eyes looked me up and down making me tense.

"christopher" i snapped at him, shooting my eyes up to meet his. "it's not that short"

"what shoes are you wearing?" he asked. he crossed his arms in such a graceful manner, accentuating his chest.

"i was just going to show you" i dug into another bag and pulled out a shoe box. inside the box revealed gorgeous, sleek, simple, shiny black stiletto heels. "what do you think?"

"i think that maybe with those on you'll look a normal height" he snarked, earning glare.

"seriously?" i cocked my head to the side, challenging him to see if he'd go any further.

"sorry" he pressed his lips together to try and mask his smile. "all i know is that you're definitely going to be the center of attention"

"yeah right" i put the heels back in the box and had also set them down by my dress. "im not going to know anyone there besides you guys, ill be following you guys around like a lost puppy" i retorted, moving some of the bags aside on my bed and sitting back down.

"there's no issue with that" he seemed a bit relieved taking in the fact that i would be near him all night. "i would be glad to accompany you to this party" he bowed his head like a prince would and spoke in an extremely formal accent, earning a small laugh. "i'll wear all black too"

"i think nick already is" i remembered him saying something about that in the uber.

"but i want to match with you though" he slightly whined and pouted like a child.

"well that has to be arranged between you guys" i put my hands up in defense and his eyes seemed to drift from mine and fixate my chest area. "what are you doing?" i covered my chest with my hands, watching his eyes carefully.

"i was looking at your necklace" he scoffed, and i quickly set my arms back down.

"oh" i giggled lightly and scooted a bit closer to him. "do you like it?" i asked him as his fingers gently brushed against my chest, and he held the small gold lion pendant.

"i do" he looked up softly at me. "did your boyfriend back at home get it for you?"

"you're such a dick" i slapped his arm away and a smile slowly crept up on his face. "me and that guy dated for a month, he cheated on me anyway, you know this..." i felt humiliated. "why do you still tease me for it?"

"because i told you he was a walking red flag" chris leaned back against the headboard, crossing his arms like how he had them before.

"please forgive me for being young and naive" i said in a snide tone, shaking my head. "what about you?" i asked him with a stern tone.

"what?" he cocked a brow.

"have you been with anyone within the last two years?" i asked him, sort of hoping the answer would only go one way.

"absolutely not" he shook his head, still holding eye contact with me. "(y/n) you would've known"

"well," i placed my hands in my lap. "do you have any interest in anyone? you've had to have met so many people in l.a."

"why are you asking me these questions?" his face began to hue a pink, just like his eyes. it gave me a small ego boost, seeing that i could also make him nervous.

"what? you can bust my balls all you want but i can't?" i teased him and he bit his lip nervously.

"she's going to be at the party tomorrow" he said, making my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach. i always set myself up to self sabotage, but it's better for me to find out from him than anyone else.

"yeah?" i kept a smile on my face, staying strong.

"mhm" he hummed, licking his lips and keeping his gaze in my eyes. a small bit of tension built up in the room and i felt like it was my fault.

"then you better not match with me because she might take it the wrong way" i anxiously began to fidget with the rings on my fingers.

"no, she better like it" he quickly came back making me a little confused but still a bit dejected.

"you're bold christopher" i slightly tilted my head to the side, taking in his dominate tone.

"i really wish i was" he sighed and stared at me with a slight look of regret in his eyes. it was a little off putting since it was hard to read him in this moment, the tension now flooded the room and it felt like i was drowning in it.

"then why aren't you?" i pushed him a little further.

"because i'm scared" he still looked strongly at me.

"scared of what?" my fingers made their way back to fidgeting with my rings. the vibe in this room was so off putting yet i still feel extremely relaxed with chris.

"rejection" his eyes became even more droopier as he spoke. "commitment"

"chris you know you could have any girl that you want" i couldn't help but to laugh a tiny bit, chris, scared of rejection? seriously? i understand commitment, he's always had an issue with that.

"there's only one i want" he held his pointer finger up in my face, indicating the number one.

"well," i softly pushed his large hand away from my face, but he ended up resting it in my lap on top of my hands lazily. "why not make your move at the party tomorrow? you said she'd be there right?" his hand started to feel all the rings on my finger, sending shivers down my spine with how gentle he's being.

"i will" he stared at our hands mingling, looking deep in thought. "you mess with your rings a lot, even the other day in the restaurant when you were ordering when we all went out to eat"

"i guess it's a nervous habit" i tried to pull my hand out of his soft grip, but he harshly grabbed it back.

"i wasn't done looking yet" he didn't even look up at me, just softly held my hands with his one.

"i think you're just trying to hold my hands" i grinned and looked up at him, and his eyes returned back to mine.

"so what?" his head lazily tilted to the side. "is it okay?" i nodded and watched his every move. "just like when we were younger" he chuckled to himself.

"i know" i sighed, laughing at the memories. "you did not let go of my hand when you were a toddler" he reached his other hand over now and started to play with both my hands. "i was dragged along everywhere with you"

"you wear so many rings" he held up my wrist to his face, inevitably pulling me in closer to him. "you don't like being dragged along with me?" his voice became tired now, but it was even more attractive.

"what more could i want in life?" i retorted, earning a small, sleepy evil eye from him. "you look so tired"

"im tired of you" he said scornfully, causing me to withdraw my hands from him and lean back with fake shock.

"you're extremely sassy tonight" i gave him a fake sad look and his face softened.

"i didn't mean it, come on" he quickly reached over and grabbed my arm, yanking me towards him and quickly engulfing me into a big hug. "you know you're my favorite person" he mumbled into my hair as i laughed at the sudden movements, being a bit taken back.

"you're my favorite boy ever" i told him, and i couldn't help but to wrap my arms around him as well. i was so happy to be in l.a. with all of them again. ever since they've been moving around back and forth i always felt a little empty without them in my hometown. i know that they were always one call away, but it would never be the same than me riding my bike to their house like i did when i was young, knowing i could go to them whenever i needed to.

"what about nick?" chris didn't let me go, but i wasn't upset about it. his hugs were always my favorite.

"that's our secret then" i pulled away from him as his arms still lingered around my middle, and we sat there just staring at each other for a moment.

"can we have a sleepover?" he asked, excitement filled his tired eyes.

"i guess" i laughed a little, my hands subconsciously rubbed his arm that was resting on me. ever since we were children chris has always been touchy with me, never in a weird way, so i never really accounted on that for a yes or no confirmation if he had similar feelings for me or not.

"hooray" he geek-ily smiled at me, earning a little laugh. "we haven't had a sleepover since sixth grade"

"i don't know what you're talking about, i was practically at your house every weekend in high school sleeping over" i cocked my brow, taking my hand away from his arm.

"yeah but you were always with nick" he rubbed his eyes with one of his hands, the other still loosely holding me.

"we're you jealous?" i teased him, but he just rolled his eyes.

"really?" he said in a dull tone, his eyes looking like they were trying to fight awake.

"i'm teasing you" i couldn't help but to feel the sleepiness as well.

"tell me about it" he groaned, covering his eyes with both his hands now and he looked up at the ceiling.

i giggled a little and swung my legs over the mattress, and started to move off all the rest of my bags off the bed that i hadn't shown him yet. "aren't you going to show me everything?"

"tomorrow, i'm tired" i set down all my bags on the floor and tossed him the television remote. "turn something on" he caught it with ease and i made my way to the light switch.

the only light that filled the room now was the t.v. and the moon spilling in from outside. it was such a calming scene, especially with chris in the room. as nervous as he made me he will always, always put me at ease.

i crawled into my bed, keeping as much distance as i could from chris. i didn't want to seem like i was pushing it at all, or annoying him in anyway. i pulled the blanket up to my chin, tucking myself in next time him, grabbing hold of the teddy bear that was gifted to me several years ago from the triplets and hugging it to my chest. "you still have that?" chris's groggy voice was close to me now.

"of course" my eyes focused on the t.v., seeing he had put on some movie. i wasn't sure what it was though. i was too tired to care right now.

"you took it with you on your trip?" he still sat up against the headboard, slouching a little as he looked down at me.

"it's like my security blanket" i looked up at him, his face being dimly lit by the television.

"awe that's adorable" he cooed at me, a slight pout formed on my lips. "why don't you hold me like that?" at this point he had to be taunting me.

"i don't think you're a teddy bear" my fingers laced in the teddy bears slightly matted fur.

"let me me be your teddy bear" he sang to me in his sleepy voice, referring to the elvis song.

"oh my goodness" my face was flush, but im sure the sunburn covered it up.

"please" he begged, pouting his lip out and widening his eyes like a puppy. i knew he was just high, and he probably wouldn't mention any of this in the morning, but it was also just how our dynamic worked.

"c'mere" i set my teddy aside freeing the space and opened up my arms to welcome him.

"yes" he said joyful to himself, quickly shifting himself on top of me. i grunted a little at the weight, since he plopped himself on me without any hesitation.

i wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him slightly as he got comfortable with his head on my chest. his fluffy hair tickled my face and i gently pushed it away with my fingers. "you're such a baby" my fingertips softly traced along his back, my eyes shifted to the screen.

"remember in middle school at that one little party we went to" he murmured into my skin, his hot breath against me made my hair standup.

"not really" one of my hands began to play with his soft hair. "that was so long ago, how do you even remember middle school"

"i don't know" he mumbled.

"why?" i was talking softly now.

"i remember it was the first girl-boy party we ever went to and how exciting it was" he rambled with slurred words here and there. "and we played spin the bottle remember?"

"sort of..?" i tried to dig deep into the memory but it wasn't really anywhere to be found.

"it was your turn and you were so nervous" he chuckled lowly, but i was still confused to the point he was trying to make. "but it landed on me"

the embarrassing memory instantly came back.

"oh god" i sighed, rolling my eyes a little at the story. "why are bringing this up?"

"i don't know i just remembered it" i could tell he was lying. i didn't want to push the conversation further. "was i a bad kisser? is that why you don't remember?"

"christopher..!" i whisper yelled at him, taking my hands out of his hair and off him and tried to push his shoulders off me but he didn't budge. he probably had felt the heat radiating off my body from how embarrassed i was.

"what?" he chuckled slightly at my reaction, resisting to move off of me. "put your hand back in my hair please" he mumbled but i didn't listen to him. "please, it feels so good" he whined wearily, my heart began to pick up at the choice of words he used. "remember when you used to do my hair as a kid"

"why do you remember so much?" i put my hands back in his hair, softly pressing my nails into his scalp and lacing my fingers through his locks.

"god, i don't know but i just love this feeling" he groaned, nestling more in my chest. "i missed you" he blurted out, his eyes shut all the way now. he talks so much, i wouldn't doubt that he sleep-talks as well. but i never ever minded it. the way he could change the subject and talk to people and never make it awkward was just such a strong quality of his. "i miss being at home and you're so close to me-" he cut himself off quickly. "well i meant us"

"i missed you too chris" i let my eyes fall since they were fighting to stay awake at this point. "a lot"

he continued to talk, but it was hard for me to process what he was saying. he was slurring and mumbling, and i was drifting in and out of consciousness, responding to him with only 'mhm's and 'yeah's. but his voice was lulling me to sleep, so i didn't mind. i would never mind moments like this.

[bountydroid]

The Lonely Elf

Haldir x female!elf!OC

Notes: In my LOTR era. This is a self-indulgent story about an OC I've had in my head for a long time. I recently rewatched ROP, The Hobbit, and LOTR (extended version of course) and my love for Haldir has returned. I don't expect anyone to read this.

TW: OC is depressed af. Sort of eating disorder if you squint? Mutual pining (Im a slut for it).

Word count: 5,748

"Will you come to, El?" Frodo's voice echoed in my ears. I felt my chest tighten as I remembered my quest with Bilbo, how it ended, how deeply it affected me. I looked down at the hobbit before kneeling in front of him.

"Of course," I say with a sad smile as I look up to the other companions who have volunteered for this perilous journey. "I wouldn't have it any other way, Frodo."

After retaking Erebor with the dwarves, I found it too difficult to return there. Bilbo knew it, he lost a lot as well. He would never admit how important Thorin was to him and he knew I understood completely. So when he offered me a place in Bag End I couldn't resist. "It is just temporary," I said to him as he smiled up at me. However, temporary for an elf is a lot different than for a hobbit. Sure I traveled here and there, but I always came back. Months turned into years, and years turned into decades and soon Bag End felt like home. Home. That was something I hadn't had in thousands of years.

I remember the village I was raised in and the generations of humans that raised me. I often wondered why, when they found a small elfling, they did not return me to my own kind. It felt selfish of them. I knew nothing of my people, their traditions, their language, I was alone in this world till I ran into a company of dwarves. Bofur warmed up to me almost immediately, he could tell I was different than other elves and before long he had convinced the rest of the company to trust me. Thorin was the last to trust me, but he had good reason. In the end, however, we became extremely close. Two lost souls in Middle Earth searching for a place we belong. During our journey to Erebor, I had started to hope that maybe when we took back the mountain I would have a home again. That dream was shattered when Thorin died. Even though the rest of the company urged me to stay, I couldn't stand the sight of that mountain. So I remained in Bag End, "an honorary Baggins" Bilbo called me. That is why when Frodo asked me to come along I couldn't say no to him. I wouldn't leave this burden to him alone.

"Please look after him," Bilbo said to me after gifting Frodo his old Mithril shirt. "He needs you."

"I will do my best, my dear friend," I said reassuringly as I placed my hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

The next morning we were off on our journey. In the month between our leaving Rivendell and the death of Gandalf our fellowship had grown quite close. Boromir and the Hobbits were becoming fast friends as he taught Merry and Pippin how to fight. Even Legolas was starting to warm up to Gimli. It made me smile as I remember traveling with Gloin, his father, and getting thrown in the Mirkwood dungeons by that very elf. However, the mood shifted wildly when Mithrandir died. It broke all of our spirits. How could we possibly hope to succeed when the strongest of us had passed? By the time we had entered Lothlórien, we were all exhausted mentally and physically. I could hear Gimli talking somewhere behind me about how dangerous these woods were and the witch that resided in them. I felt nauseous. Whether it was from fear or lack of food, I did not know. I had been in this forest before but never encountered this so-called witch, and I’m not sure I wanted to. When the party came to an abrupt halt I was taken aback. It took a moment for my eyes to focus and see the bows trained on us.

"The dwarf breaths so loud we could have shot him in the dark." An elf said to Aragorn as he stepped out from behind the archers.

It was Haldir. I felt my heart swell in my chest at the sight of him. I listened as Aragorn greeted him in the elven language.

"Aragorn! These woods are perilous. We should go back." Gimli says from behind me, fear evident in his voice.

"You have entered the realm of The Lady of The Wood. You cannot go back." Haldir responds as he looks between each member of our party before his eyes land on Frodo. "Come. She is waiting."

I could feel Frodo's anxiety radiating from behind me. I turned around and gave him a sincere smile. "It's okay Frodo," I whisper as I feel Haldir's gaze on me. I turn to meet his eyes for a second before he turns and slips behind his archers.

We followed close behind, not that we had much choice with the elves surrounding our party, and we marched until we came across a small structure and a platform that we were urged to climb upon. By the time we made it there, the sun had set and the cold had set in. I couldn't help the small shiver that ran through my body. I stood quietly next to Gimli as Haldir greeted Legolas and Aragorn in elvish.

Gimli interrupts angrily. "So much for the courtesy of the elves. Speak words we can all understand.

I gave Gimli's foot a soft, disapproving kick at his rudeness. Haldir looked down at Gimli before saying in a disgusted tone, "We have not had dealings with the dwarves since the dark days."

"And you know what this dwarf has to say about that?" Gimli responded quickly before saying in dwarvish, "Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul!"

I close my eyes as I run my hand over my face in annoyance as Aragorn addresses Gimli angrily, "That was not so courteous!"

The marchwarden looks over our party again before meeting eyes with Frodo, "You bring great evil with you." He says with a grave tone. "You can go no further."

However, Aragorn refused to accept this as he pulled Haldir aside and began to argue. If Aragorn was unsuccessful what would we do? We needed food, rest, and safety. This was our only option. I looked over at Haldir and the annoyed expression on his face as he argued with Aragorn. Like he could tell I was watching, his eyes flickered over to me. His face softened when he noticed my forlorn expression but soon his attention returned to Aragorn. I turned away sighing before walking over to Gimli.

The memory of our first meeting slipped into my mind as I stood in silence.

-

I was outnumbered. Dozens of orcs had caught my scent and I was out of arrows. I could see the Lothlórien forest in front of me and it was my only chance of survival. I tried my best to keep from tripping over roots and rocks as I ran through the glistening forest. I didn't have time to revel in the beauty mixed into the trees. The magic of the forest was the least of my concerns with the orc pack gaining on me.

I made a split decision to call out, in hopes I wasn't alone. "HELP!" I yell out as I continue to run blindly. Barely a second later I feel an arrow whiz past my face and the yell of an injured orc behind me. When did they get so close? Before long a handful of elves came out of the woods, easily slaughtering my attackers and then they brought their attention to me. I was a stranger to them, a threat.

An elf strode up to me with a serious expression saying something in elvish. I made a sheepish face before I explained, "I don't speak elvish." Disbelief washed across his face as he looked me up and down.

"He doesn't speak the common tongue." Another elf says from behind me. "I am Haldir, who are you and why are you in our sacred lands?"

"I am Elowen. I am sorry to enter your territory without permission I had no other choice. I can leave now if you wish." I respond.

He hums for a moment as he stares into my eyes. “What kind of elf doesn't speak elvish?” His voice was thick with disbelief. He thinks I am lying.

I sighed, my body deflating at the accusation. I was used to being treated like an outsider, but never a liar. "I was raised by humans, not elves," I say with an exasperated tone. “I know it is strange but it is the truth."

Haldir looked between my eyes for a moment, his expression was softer than it was before. “You cannot go the way you came. There are more orcs in the territory." He explained, "You will have to go to the East."

"Thank you. I will be on my way." I say before turning my back towards him, but before I can realize what is happening a hand grasps my pack and pulls me back.

"You will not go wandering these sacred forests alone." He says sternly as he holds onto my pack tightly. "I will escort you."

I gasped in surprise, “As you wish," I quickly mutter.

He tentatively lets go of me before walking in front of me, "Come."

I quickly do as I am told. The last thing I want to do is anger my guide. While we walk I study him from behind. He is calm, confident, and knows the forest well. He gracefully moves around any branches and roots jutting into the path ahead. He is beautiful like elves should be.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asks, breaking the silence.

"Of course," I respond, surprised that he is speaking to me.

"Why did you never learn elvish? Some humans know it." He asks as he looks over his shoulder.

I think over his question for a minute. I haven't ever really thought about why. "I guess -" I start. "I guess I didn't feel worthy."

This causes him to stop in his tracks before turning around to face me. "You should learn." He says. He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. The underlying message was not lost on me. You are wrong.

The rest of the hike was relatively quiet, but the birds singing kept you company as you walked close behind your guide. The sun did not shine through the treetops making it impossible to know just how long we had been hiking. It didn’t matter to me. I was grateful for the company, even if he was silent. His presence was enough. It was at this moment that I realized just how lonely I was.

"Here." He says quietly as we reach the end of the forest. He turns to face me once again as I stare up at him.

"Oh," I said quietly, sad that our journey had ended already. "Thank you, Haldir."

He puts his hand on his chest and gives a small bow, "Go now and be safe." He says with a small smile before turning to walk away.

Before long he disappeared into the woods, and I never thought I would see him again.

-

"Did you have to insult him?" I asked Gimli, but before he could respond we heard Haldir's voice.

"You will follow me," He said while staring at Frodo. I couldn't help the sigh of relief that left my body.

We were safe. He explained that he was leading us to Caras Galadhon and once it was in sight it was the most beautiful place I had ever seen.

I gasped at the sight of the wooded city. "It's beautiful," I murmured.

"Indeed," Haldir responded looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

I felt my ears redden at him finally speaking to me. "Pathetic." I thought to myself.

As we entered the city I couldn't help the starstruck look on my face. Everywhere I looked was full of beauty, sparking silver buildings nestled among large trees. I felt the tension in the air as I walked side-by-side with Haldir.

"Do you remember me?" The question that had been burning in the back of my throat broke free.

He let out a small chuckle as he looked at my embarrassed expression. "How could I forget?" He responded with a teasing tone.

I smiled shyly in response before looking down at my feet. He remembers me.

We made it to the top of the forest to see an elven couple waiting for us. They gracefully made their way down the steps hand-in-hand as they looked down upon the company. I nervously glanced over at Aragorn, who was giving our hosts his full attention as he bowed his head. They seemed to almost glow, which reminded me of something Haldir said on our way here, "Lady of Light indeed." I thought to myself.

"The enemy knows you have entered here." The male elf spoke. "What hope you had in secrecy is now gone." He paused to look over our company before continuing. "Nine that are here, but ten set out from Rivendell. Tell me, where is Gandalf? For I much desire to speak with him. I can no longer see him from afar."

I winced at the mention of Gandalf's name. In the beauty of Caras Galadhon, I had almost forgotten our loss. We stayed quiet, none of us wanting to speak the truth of Mithrandir's whereabouts.

"He has fallen into shadow." The Lady of Light spoke with a look of disbelief on her face.

"He was taken by both shadow and flame," Legolas responded. "A Balrog of Morgoth. For we went needlessly into the net of Moria."

"Needless were none of the deeds of Gandalf in life. We do not yet know his full purpose." The lady responded with a comforting tone as she looked at Gimli. "Do not let the great emptiness of Khazad Dum fill your heart Gimli, son of Gloin, for all lands have now grown full of peril. And in all lands love, is now mingled with grief."

I could hear Boromir whimpering in despair as she stared him down. I did not understand till I heard her voice in my head as well.

"Elowen, the lonely elf, for I have heard much about you. Gandalf was very fond of you. You are welcome here." I heard her whisper in my head.

"What now becomes of this fellowship? Without Gandalf, hope is lost." The lord said. We had all thought it, but he was the first to say it out loud.

"The quest stands upon an end of a knife, stray but a little and it will fail, to the ruin of all. Yet hope remains as long as company is true. Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight, you will sleep in peace." The lady said, distracting us from her husband's question.

The promise of sleep in safety felt like something to cherish, something we were likely not to get again. I let my body relax at her words. I was grateful for her hospitality. The lady motioned to Haldir, who gave her a bow before beckoning us to follow him. We obeyed quickly, anxious to get some rest.

"You will have the opportunity to bathe as well as fresh clothing while you are here," Haldir explained as he led us to a clearing. "I will be watching over you tonight."

My traveling companions were quick to explore our new sleeping arrangements, taking in the beauty of the forest. I stayed behind, quietly standing next to Haldir as I watched the halflings excitedly look around.

"You said something about a bath?" I asked while looking over at the elf next to me. "I can't imagine we smell good," I said offering a smile.

"For your sake, I will not respond to that," He said smiling back. "Come." I let out a small giggle as I obeyed, following close behind him as we traversed on the winding paths. Eventually, we came upon a small grove, hidden by trees, and inside it lay a glistening pool of crystal clear water with a small waterfall emptying into it.

"Wow," I whispered as I took in the view.

"Fresh clothes will be brought to you," Haldir explained before bowing slightly and taking his leave.

Once he was gone I quickly started to shed off my clothing. The layers of leather armor became exhausting by the time I was fully rid of them. I folded my clothes nicely before placing them alongside the pool. I nervously dipped in a toe before realizing the water was warm. I let out a sigh of relief and I slipped my body into the welcoming water, closing my eyes as I rested against a rock. It wasn’t long till I fell asleep.

I was startled awake by the feeling of a hand on my shoulder. I looked up bewildered to see a she-elf in front of me. She gave me an apologetic look before explaining, “It is dangerous to sleep in the pool. Here I brought you fresh clothing.” She said as she motioned to a pile of white cloth.

“You have my thanks,” I responded sheepishly as she bowed and turned around to gather my old clothing. “The marchwarden has instructed us to clean these for you. Is there anything you will need for tonight?” She asked.

“No there is not,” I said. “I appreciate all you have done.”

She offered a smile before turning and disappearing, allowing me to dry off and change into the fresh clothing she had brought for me. Once dry and changed I returned to our camp for the night.

“You smell good,” Pippin said excitedly as I sat down next to my pack.

“You could too you know.” I jested, “You all smell horrible.”

“Hey now!” He responded feigning injury, “This is the smell of a REAL man!”

I let out a boisterous laugh as the hobbit flexed his muscles. We bantered for a little while longer till I could hardly keep my eyes open. I cuddled up against my pack as I fell asleep to the sound of singing elves. Legolas had said they were singing to honor the memory of Gandalf. It was beautiful.

"El, wake up," Merry said as he shook me awake. "It's breakfast time!"

I groaned as I turned away from him, "I'll eat later."

"Oh no you don't," Merry responded willfully as he shook me again.

"Fine!" I said crankily as I finally sat up and rubbed my eyes. "Someday I will be free of the stubbornness of hobbits."

As I opened my eyes I realized that the rest of the fellowship had bathed and changed as well. Everyone wore beautiful white clothing, untouched by the darkness of our journey. I followed behind the group, falling behind as my eyes drifted everywhere but the path in front of us. I didn't want food, I wanted to explore this beautiful place. I couldn't help but feel a pang of anger in my heart as I remembered all that was taken from me as a child, I could've lived my whole life in a place like Calas Galadhon. The thoughts did not leave me as we sat at the breakfast table, the noise of my companions talking and eating fading into the background as I stared at my plate. I had not eaten in some time, but I could not bring myself to take a single bite. I felt dirty, like if I touched it I would ruin it. Like I didn't deserve it. The thought brought me back to that hike with Haldir when I said I was not worthy of learning elvish. I remember the implications of his response. I was worthy of elvish, and I was worthy of this food. Everyone else had almost finished their plates by the time I took my first tentative bite.

When we had finished we were brought back to our camp by Haldir. Even on the way back from breakfast, Pippin was already asking about a second breakfast. I couldn't help but giggle at the confused expression on Haldir's face.

"There will be festivities later to honor Mithrandir, you are all welcome to come." He explains as we enter our camp.

"Thank you," Aragorn replies with his hand over his heart. "We would be most grateful to attend."

To this, Haldir nods and starts to turn away but before he can get far I grab ahold of his arm. He flinched at the sudden contact and turned to me with wide eyes. I quickly pull my hand back and bring it to my chest like I had touched a burning flame. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

'It is fine," Haldir responds with an unconvincing look on his face. "What do you need?"

“I-“I mutter out, “I was wondering if I could wander Caras Galadhon, or if someone could be my guide? I would very much like to see this magnificent place.”

He does not respond immediately, causing anxiety to settle into my heart. “Forget it,” I say quickly as I turn away.

“Wait,” Haldir called out. “I will guide you.”

“Oh.” I responded quietly before turning around, “I’m sure a marchwarden has much better things to do.”

To this, he gave me a small smile. “No, I don’t. Now please.” He said as he motioned me to follow him.

I did as I was bid, following close behind the elf as he led me through the city. He told me everything I wanted to know, anticipating my questions before I asked them. The history of Calas Galadhon was vast and complicated but quite interesting as well. He also told me much about Lady Galadriel, the Lady of Light. I spoke to him about how I heard her in my head and he confirmed, “Yes, that is part of her magic.”

“It’s quite unnerving,” I mumble. “But she is kind.”

We continued along the path, passing many elves along the way as they went about their daily life. I wondered what it would be like to live here. What would I spend my days doing?

After some time we made it back to camp. I did little to hide my disappointment as the fellowship came into view.

“If you are unhappy you don’t need to continue the journey,” Haldir said as he scanned my face.

“It’s not that. I just-“ I paused. “I enjoyed exploring here.” I respond honestly, “I wonder what my life would be like if I grew up in a place like this.”

He nodded silently, not taking his eyes off of mine. “I understand as much as I can.”

“Thank you for a wonderful day, Haldir,” I say as I give him a small smile. I reach my hand out but stop myself before I touch him, remembering his reaction last time. My ears reddened as I realized what I was doing. I quickly dropped my hand back to my side and scurried toward my companions.

As I met back with the fellowship Aragorn gave me a knowing look. “Boromir will be disappointed.” He whispers to me.

“What?” I ask as I stand above his sitting form.

“He fancies you, but your heart belongs to another.” He said smirking up at me.

I scoff, trying to play off his words, but my face betrays me as it heats up from embarrassment.

The rest of the day was relatively quiet as we readied for the night festivities. We were told there would be wine and dancing. I smiled as I thought about how much Gandalf would have enjoyed participating in such a party.

“All they need is some Old Toby,” Frodo said. “That was his favorite.”

At his words, I felt a tug at my heart. Another loss. Is this what I was doomed to experience? Thorin, Gandalf, who was next? This quest was bound to take more lives. Likely my own as well. I tried not to allow my feelings to ruin the night for me. The festivities were beautiful. Lights were strung through the sparking trees and candles were lit around the space. The elves looked beautiful in their beaded gowns and dress shirts.

“You are not dancing?” Boromir asks as he walks up next to me. He wanted me to dance with him. For a second I thought about it, but then I remembered Aragorn’s teasing words.

“Not in the dancing mood,” I respond, giving him a sheepish smile as I grasp harder at my wine chalice.

“Of course. I am sorry for your loss,” Boromir says putting a hand on my shoulder. “I understand you were close.”

I hummed in agreement as I kept my eyes trained forward, afraid that if I acknowledged his words I would cry. As my eyes scanned the room I came across one particular elf. Haldir. He was standing guard to the occasion, restlessly pacing along the outside of the crowd.

“Excuse me,” I say quickly to Boromir before wading through the partygoers to get more wine. My hands shake as I try to fill my chalice without spilling. While Boromir’s words were not ill-willed, they still affected me deeply.

My eyes wander back to Haldir’s anxious form. Surely no danger was posed here but there he was. He was a serious elf, anyone could tell that. I smiled to myself as I watched him reprimand another guard for drinking. I gathered enough courage to head his way. I wished to speak to him. I always wished to speak to him. His eyes met mine as he watched me climb the steps to reach him.

“It’s a party you know,” I say teasingly once I was planted in front of him.

He smiles slightly as he looks down at me. “Then why are you here?” He asks.

“I’m not really in a celebratory mood,” I admit.

The smile fades from his face as he takes in my words.

“Could I head back to camp? Or do I need an escort for that?” I ask. I had hoped he would offer to escort me, but my wishes would go unfulfilled.

“You may find your way back on your own,” Haldir responds. While his answer was disappointing, the tone of his voice was not. It was as soft as freshly fallen snow like he thought if he spoke too strongly I would break.

“Thank you,” I say graciously as I give him a small bow before taking my leave.

I take my time as I make my way back to camp with my wine glass in hand. There was no rush to return. Truthfully I just wanted to be away from the happy faces. Would they even know I left?

“Elowen.” Boromir’s voice woke me from my trance.

“Why are you here?” I ask him with a disoriented look on my face.

“I am worried about you.” He responds as he takes a step towards me, putting his hand on my shoulder. “I care about you.” He says quietly as he moves his hand from his shoulder to my cheek.

In that moment I realized there is only one soul I wish to touch me in such a way. I pulled away abruptly at his touch. “My heart belongs to another,” I say in a panicked tone as I look around to see if anyone was around. “I am sorry.” I blurt out before dropping my chalice and running quickly down the path. I was no longer heading towards camp, afraid I would encounter Boromir there. I did care about him just not in the way he wanted. However, I was not only running from him but from the realization of my feelings for Haldir.

In my dazed state I quickly got turned around. The panic inside me grew as I realized I didn’t recognize my surroundings. “Did Haldir bring me here?” I questioned myself as I tried to remember earlier that day with no luck. Eventually, I gave up and sat on the ground next to the path. Letting the tears of my pent-up emotions rain down my face. Gandalf, Boromir, Haldir, it was all too much. I knew eventually someone would find me and help me get back to camp, but for now, I was grateful to be alone so I could cry without prying eyes.  

Hours passed before I saw another soul along the pass. A startled she-elf stared down at me, clearly unsure what to do.

“I apologize,” I said with a scratchy voice. “I am horribly lost.”

The elf just stared back at me a bewildered expression causing me to sigh. She did not know the common tongue. I slowly got up from the ground and walked passed her. I thought I was heading in the direction I came from, but truthfully I had no idea where I was.

“Elowen.” I heard a melodic voice in my head. “You needn’t strife.”

Galadriel.

“I am lost,” I say quietly, unsure if she could hear me.

“But that is not why you cry.” She responded knowingly. “You will not be alone forever.”

I started rubbing my eyes, cursing my emotional state as I heard footsteps approaching. I looked up from my hands, expecting Galadriel, but instead came face-to-face with Haldir’s concerned expression.

“Oh,” I sniffle.

He said nothing, instead opting to reach out and gently grab my hand. My eyes widened, shocked by his touch as he started to guide me. He remained silent as we wove along the trail, never letting go of my hand.

“How did you know where I was?” I asked quietly as we entered the camp.

He turned to look at me, quiet for a moment before responding “Lady Galadriel.”

“Oh,” I said quietly. My exhaustion was written across my face.

“Rest now,” Haldir utters as he places a small kiss on my forehead. Before I could even process what he had done he was gone. I stood in place as the feeling of his lips lingered on my skin.

After some time had passed, we finally had to leave Lothlórien. We were all dreading it. We had spent weeks in the comfortable presence of elves, and in those weeks I never saw Haldir again. Galadriel, as kind as she was, would not let us leave without making sure we had everything we needed to succeed. Food, water, and supplies filled our small packs as we changed back into our old clothing. Once we were ready we made our way to the riverbank to say our final farewells and be off on our treacherous journey.

We stood in a line as Lord Celeborn spoke. "Never before have we clad strangers in the garb of our own people." I tried to listen to him speak pretending to not be distracted by Haldir's fingers securing a cloak around my shoulders. "May these cloaks help shield you from unfriendly eyes." He continued as I kept my eyes down, avoiding Haldir’s. “Of course he had to be here.” I thought to myself as embarrassment took me.

While we packed up our boats Aragorn was pulled aside by Lord Celeborn. While we waited for his return I chose to focus on making sure the halflings had everything they needed.

"He's looking at you," Sam said to me as I straightened his pack.

"I know," I sighed before looking back to meet Haldir's eyes. I was surprised to see an almost pleading look on his face.

"Well, aren't you gonna say goodbye?" Sam asked.

I hummed quietly as I mulled over my options, as much as I was heartbroken by the lack of his presence, the look on Haldir’s face made it impossible to stay away. I stood up as Sam grinned at me. "Meddling hobbits,” I said, feigning annoyance before walking over to Haldir.

"Thank you for your kindness, Haldir," I said quietly as I stood in front of him.

"I-" He started before stopping himself. "Be safe." He finally said.

I looked up to meet his eyes, they mirrored the sadness in my own. "Do not fret,” I say as I lay my hand softly on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. He had avoided me for weeks, but all my annoyance had been washed away by the forlorn expression he sported. I had come to expect the downfall of our quest now that we were without Gandalf, but I tried to comfort him nonetheless.

Before he could respond I heard Boromir call out, "El! The Lady Galadriel wishes to see us once more before we head on."  

I step back as reality comes back into focus, giving Haldir a sad smile and a small bow before I head towards Boromir and the rest of my companions.

We waited turns to see the Lady of Light, each fellowship member coming back with gifts to help on the rest of the journey. "And to you, Elowen, I give you the gift of remembrance," Galadriel explains as she hands me a small coin. "This is a gift given to our marchwardens when they have completed their training. Let it help you remember what you are fighting for, and what awaits for you when your quest is done."

Haldir. Does she know something I do not? "Thank you, Lady Galadriel," I mumble as I bow my head.

Once the entire fellowship had received their gifts we piled into our small boats in silence, our heads swirling with the words Galadriel had spoken to each of us. Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel waited at the shore as we left the magical forest behind us, but the rest of the elves had disappeared. There was a sad tug at my heart as I peered into the forest looking for any sign of Haldir.

I wished to see him one last time.