#IM NOT JUST TRYING TO HURT HER I PROMISE. IM A 'THERE'S GOOD AND HEALING TO BE FOUND IN A REALLY LONG LIFE' TRUTHER | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ajortga · 8 months

Text

i'm not coming home.

pairing: vada cavell x fem reader

warning! sensitive topics ahead include: character death, suicide, overdose, massive angst with NO happy ending.

thank you egg for your request! cried a little making this which usually.. isn't quite normal to happen. hope this might make your angst heart pour a little.. p.s this was partially inspired by some other fics i read that i loved and this was particularly based off the lyrics im not coming home, not really my future:o

I just saw that song fic you made, it was very nice. So I’d like to request one of my own…

My future by Billie Eilish?

Obviously for my favorite girl Vada Cavell. Who else would I request for?

Her eyes looked at the moon, Vada’s brown eyes looking at the way the moon shone across the city.

“The moon is pretty, isn’t it?” A voice said beside her.

Vada's eyes glanced at you, a small smile forming on her lips.

“Yeah. But you were always prettier.”

“You used to say that a lot.”

“I know. It’s because I think it’s true.”

You stood there in silence, Vada scooted closer to you, pointing at the flowers right ahead of you guys.

“Do you remember when we planted those?”

“Yeah, they grew so pretty. We wanted to make a whole flower garden together.”

“The garden is growing I think.”

“I think so too.

Silence once again, the only sound was the dark trees rustling in the blue moonlight, stars above the two’s heads. Vada bit her lip, looking at the stars, her knees tucked under her arms.

“Do you think in another universe, we’d be in love?” You whispered, catching her off guard as she looked at you, seeing the way your eyes looked hurt.

Vada shrugged, thinking for a moment, “I don’t know..”

Another pause.

“Maybe in another universe, I never so badly wished it was this one though.”

She heard a small laugh, hurt laced behind it, “It once was.”

“In this universe we’re not. Because you’re no longer here.”

…

“I know.”

Vada wishes she could take those words back.

Vada needed space to herself after trying to heal from traumatic experiences it was so hard for her to deal with. You were just trying to help.

You were just trying to help.

Offering to hold her hand in the hallways, reassuring back rubs, kisses on the forehead, sticking by her side.

It was too much for her. She just wanted to be left alone, but she didn’t want to tell you.

You just were so worried, you made sure to love her.

The day Vada was the most stressed, she took all her anger out on you for just trying to comfort her.

“Can you stop being arrogant for once and get it into your brain that you need to leave me alone? You have to let me go and it’s getting so frustrating you can’t get that into your system! Just give me my space when I need it!”

Vada’s voice echoes through the house, her eyes looked enraged as she saw the way your figure looked so small.

“Okay.”

That was the last word she heard you say before you left the apartment to just.. Process.

Vada felt bad, seeing the way your shoulders dropped as you walked out the door. But she was just so frustrated with all these events she couldn't bring herself to apologize. She was too tired.

Ding

...

Ding

....

Ding ding ding ding ding

"Oh my god.." Vada groaned tiredly, her phone light almost lighting up the whole room as she rubbed her eyes, stirring from bed.

Who the hell would be notifying her at 2:43 AM?

Her hands flipped her phone over as she looked at the messages, the way her eyes widened was indescribable.

my sweet y/n♡: vada they won't go away.

my sweet y/n♡: i'm so scared.

my sweet y/n♡: it won't stop, vada it won't stop.

my sweet y/n♡: i can't breathe

my sweet y/n♡: i just want it to stop.

my sweet y/n♡: baby please i need you. i don't feel good.

4x call missed

my sweet y/n♡: i'm sorry.

my sweet y/n♡: i love you.

my sweet y/n♡: i love you with my whole heart and i promise that you can finally be left alone like you wanted.

"No! No no no no no!.." She said louder to herself, immediately jumping off the bed and hitting the call button. No response.

"Please just pick up!"

She grabbed her keys and slammed the door shut, immediately going to your house with an inhaler and meds.

She kept ringing and ringing as she heard you pick up, immediately putting the phone to her ear.

"Baby! Baby.. Talk to me. Talk to me please."

"...Vada.." you cry, your voice barely a whisper, "It hurts."

"What did you do? Y/N.. Tell me please, what did you do? Did you take something bad?"

"I just.. I..."

Vada hears you breathing heavily, making small hurtful breaths.

"I just wanted everything to stop... I'm so tired.."

"I'm almost there baby.."

Vada makes a full on swerve as she busts out of her car, hearing the way your labored breaths were gradually beginning to grow shakier. The call ends as she makes a plead of frustration. She grabs the keys she snagged when she left the house and frantically unlocked your door.

"Y/N!" she cries, the house was dark as she turned every corner before rushing into your room, barging in.

There you were, curled up on the ground, your arm over your stomach as she saw the way your chest shook, the way you let out cries. There were pills scattered around you, your hand holding a pill bottle that was almost half empty. Vada screamed as she immediately knelt down as you turned.

"Baby, Y/N, wake up!" She cried, shaking you

You were barely able to make a noise, she could only hear you say her name, your voice barely an audible whisper with tear-stained cheeks and glazed over eyes.

Vada let out a painful cry as her hand reached up to caress your now cold skin. You were shaking as Vada picked you up and cradled you, calling the 3 numbers as quickly as she could, begging for the ambulance to come as quickly as they could.

"Everything is going to be okay. Don't close your eyes sweetheart. I promise you'll be okay.."

You curled your body into hers, your head drooping down as you look at her, your vision unfocused.

Oh how your eyes were the ones she loved so much, the ones she loved so much now looking like this. Lifeless, barely hanging on.

"I'm so sorry. Vada's so sorry baby. I should have never said those mean things to you. You mean the w-world to me. I love you so much," The guilt was stirring in her stomach, unlike anything she's seen before.

You whimper against her, "I-I d-don't feel good... I-I feel s-so c-cold.."

Vada sobbed as she wrapped a blanket around your shaking, fragile body, hugging you tightly.

"I'm here. Help is coming," she whispered, looking down at you, fallen tears beginning to drop on your clothes.

Your eyelids were half-open, Vada's voice was beginning to become muffled. You knew Vada was beyond worried, you just wanted everything to stop for a while.. You also knew deep down, you wouldn't be able to make it. You wouldn't be able to make it out alive. You wouldn't be able to spend the rest of your life and marry Vada. Maybe live in the green meadows like you always dreamed of, cuddling as you watched the stars at night. Maybe have had a cat too and looked like the romantic sweethearts everyone envied of, sharing small gentle kisses in the corners of every place you traveled.

You knew you couldn't be with her till her last breath, but you knew she would be with you till yours.

You knew you wouldn't be able to live your love, so you mustered all the left-over strength you still had and croaked out the 3 little words.

"I love you."

You felt it. Vada did too. The way your eyes glassed over, it was no longer the warm, pretty eyes she adored, they were now foggy and dark. The way your body began to lose it's warm comfort that Vada ever so loved feeling when she cuddled you to bed. It was all fading. And she knew your life was fading too.

Vada cried, she didn't want to loose you. She was sobbing and she couldn't do anything about it, she was so so scared.

"I love you too. I love you so fucking much Y/N. I.. I.." She didn't know what else to say, she was so scared that she couldn't speak anymore, wailing.

You gave her the weakest smile you could muster, though she knew that it wasn't the smile you gave her when your eyes would light up as soon as you saw her, it was the smile that you finally understood.

You understood. The cracking smile that showed you were ready.

"That's all my heart can ever ask for. I-I'll be there with you, as a pretty deer in the moonlight, or the shiniest star. I-I'll be there whenever y-you need me.. It was never your fault.." You whispered, before she could see your eyes go still, your shaking body beginning to slow. The last teardrop that would ever fall go down your cheek.

"No! Open your eyes Y/N! Baby! Please! I'm here! You can open your eyes now! Wake up!"

Vada didn't know love could make her cry this hard as she felt your skin turn cold, she wished she could just take it all back. She'd remember you through every memory. But she'd remember that the memories of the person she loved most would never exist in the future. It was all in the past. She knew that you were gone as she cried into the wind. The ambulance was just too late as they saw her hugging your soulless body, never wanting to let go.

"Vada's so sorry.." She cries in a whisper.

Vada felt herself sniffle, she could feel the way her memories invaded her brain. She could never forgive herself for it. On every shooting star she wished that it could've never happened in the first place.

She then noticed the way she felt her cheeks suddenly stain with tears, seeing your pretty body fade away in the moonlight above. Seeing the way that you bit down a hurtful expression, smiling with a cracked heart as she sniffled. The night sky is now beginning to reflect through you.

It was all her fault. She couldn’t bear to hear it. But she knew now that you weren’t going to come home. You never would.

She knew one day you would fade from her mind completely. She couldn’t bear to know that one day, she’d forget the way you sounded. She knew that one day, your ghost would eventually fade away, your faded presence beginning to slow as time healed. There would be a day that your ghost would stop showing up completely.

She knew that one day, all your memories would turn into months, years, decades.

Until it’ll all be too old for her to remember. To remember you and the way you were the first person Vada felt her stomach tingle with fluttering butterflies as you kissed her so gently. To remember the way you would hold your umbrella for her as it poured rain, seeing the way your forehead would drip with water from protecting her before you could shelter yourself.

"Keep our love special okay? Keep it just between us. Keep it in your heart." You whispered, before you faded away, knowing one day you'll appear once again.

Vada nodded, slowly, she still can't believe she isn't over it. How could she be?

Her hair was wet, she was so used to feeling a hood over her head. She was so used to being protected by you. Rain drenched her clothes as her body shook, staring at the way the city lights dimmed below her.

She knew that you weren’t going to come home.

Because there she was, sitting on a wet patch of grass, drenched in the rain. Knowing that once before, you sat with her in the rain, holding an umbrella over her head as you hugged her, cuddling for warmth.

Vada let out a shaky, broken sigh as she looked up, seeing the way the stars shone. One shone so bright as she smiled. Her star.

From the wind blowing so gently in her hair with rain showering across the city, the deer peeked behind the tree, making a soft noise.

"Every night and day I wish I could feel your cuddles, kiss me and tell me it was all a nightmare, but it's been too long to know it's not just stupid nightmare. I miss you more than words can possibly describe."

Vada rubbed her cheeks, wiping the tears that were falling, feeling the rain drizzle with her sadness, making a quiet cry.

"It's been 5 months Y/N. I love you. I wish you were here with me. "

Maybe you wouldn't be with Vada till her last breath, maybe her grieving wouldn't last that long. But she was there for yours, that's all you could ever ask for. Your girlfriend hugging you as you took your last breath. That was special.

#jenna ortega x fem!reader #vada cavell x reader #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x you #tara carpenter x reader #jenna ortega imagine #tara carpenter x you #jenna marie ortega #jenna ortega x y/n #vada cavell x y/n #vada cavell x you #Spotify

223 notes · View notes

firesnap · 7 months

Note

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

#the current state of things

148 notes · View notes

t3ag3rs · 6 months

Text

g e n s o - 0 2.

your body jolts up as you feel yourself on the verge of passing out.

you quickly glance up at your teacher to see if he noticed you sleeping in his class, sighing quietly when you notice he was turned to the board.

you itched your most recent cut, wincing slightly as it hurt. at least its somewhat healing.. you thought to yourself staring at the scar. you rubbed your eyes to fight the sleep trying to consume you.

god its like im tired everywhere else except when its time to actually sleep..

you bounced your knee up and down waiting for the time to go by quicker. you couldnt wait to get out of this goddamn academy. why were all last days filled with sappy goodbyes and hugs? you couldnt wait to go home and take a nice long nap.

no more stressing out over school work. no more sleepless nights. no more burn outs.

that sounded like absolute heaven.

ring, ring, ring!

you jumped out of your seat and rushed home. you finally had months to actually prepare for the UA entrance exam. you had to make it in.

you promised him you would.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

"mom! can you please call bakugous mom and ask if they can come over? its been so long!" you pleaded once you got home. "fine.. let me call them" sighed out your mom, going to grab the phone.

you watched giddily as she called, "hey, do you think you could come over with bakugou today? y/n finally got out of school and wants to see him" she asked, you saw as her lips form a tight line, "oh.. i see.. its okay then! take care! " she ended the call.

"im afraid bakugou cant come over, she said he wanted to train for the entrance exam and nothing else." she continued but you werent listening.

he didnt want to see you.

after all these years of waiting patiently to see him was for nothing. he didnt care about your friendship with him. he just wanted to train and be a hero.

like always.

"izuku could probably come over though.. are you even listening y/n??" your mother questioned. you snapped out of your trance, "o-oh yeah! sure we can do that!" you replied, not even knowing what you were agreeing to.

"good! izuku will be able to come tomorrow so i suggest you take a bath, eat early, and head to bed to get some good rest. no more school until that entrance exam, i know you wont let us down." she smiled and ruffled your hair.

you smiled back and nodded. you werent planning on failing it anyways. even if bakugou didnt value your friendship anymore, you still made yourself a promise. you were going to make it in whether you liked it or not.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you showered quickly and went downstairs to get some water. you looked at the food hungrily, but your mind said otherwise.

are you really going to eat? you already had so much food yesterday. its best you skip eating today so you wont gain much weight.

you looked down at your stomach and sighed as it rumbled, aching for food. one night cant hurt right? you turned away from the food and got a water bottle getting ready to sleep.

you walked into your room and placed the water bottle on your nightstand and turned off the lights. you let out a yawn and layed down, falling asleep right as your head hit the pillow.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

the next day you woke up and did your morning routine. you couldnt help but be excited to see izuku after 3 years.

as the doorbell rang you rushed to open the door and let out a gasp when you saw how much the green haired boy changed. you hugged him and smiled, "izu! oh my gosh ive missed you so much!" you pulled away and stared at him, "you look so mature now!"

he let out a small laugh, "i can say the same to you y/n! its been so long!" you stepped aside and welcomed him in. you walked up with him into your bedroom and sat down, "how was the last three years? is bakugou still a bully to you?" you ask.

he looks down sadly, "he hasnt changed much.. if anything its gotten worse. his egos so big now..!" he lets out a chuckle and scratches his neck, "just yesterday he burned my hero notebook and threw it in the fish pond outside the school..!"

you gasped, "what? i cant believe he did that! hes changed so much..." he looked down and continued, "that wasnt the worst part... he told me to take a swan dive off the roof if i wanted a quirk that bad.." you felt the anger boil in you.

"he said WHAT?" you asked in disbelief, "i cant believe i was friends with that piece of shit! and he said he wanted to focus on training instead of talkinh to me after 3 years! i cant believe he wants to be a hero with an attitude like that!" you yelled.

"its not that big of a deal..! besides... we both got into a villain attack yesterday and guess who saved us?? all might!!" he started fanboying about all the things he did, but you were too busy thinking about how horrible bakugou had became.

"but poor kacchan.. the villian was really going to take over him.. it was scary to look at.." he rambled, "still! its no excuse to hows hes been acting! but your lucky you got to see all might! i wouldve fainted if i actually saw him! " you exclaimed.

"exactly! but thats not the point, he said i could become a hero too!" he smiled, you looked at him confused "how..?" he looked at his hands and then back at you.

"promise me you wont tell anyone" you nodded and swore, "all mights quirk was given to him, he wasnt born with it. he told me he would train me so that he could pass on his quirk to me!" your mind went blank.

"how is that even possible? you cant inherit a quirk! thats not how things work. if its true how come none of the scientists have figured it out yet?" you rambled, "im not sure, but i can finally become a hero now! its all ive wanted, and to top it off i can be trained by the worlds greatest hero!"

you couldnt help but smile and feel happy for him. all he ever wanted was to be a hero and now it could finally come true. "im happy for you izu! we can try out for UA together!" he smiled and let out a sound of agreement. "maybe we can train together under all might! im sure he'll like you, but just be warned he doesnt always look muscular... he has a whole different body when his quirk runs out.."

you found out just exactly what he meant the next day when you met him and all might at the beach.

"so y/n.. this is all might" he said pointing at a man who look like a drug-addict, but then suddenly changed to the all might you saw on tv. "what the actual fuck" you gasped, "told you to be warned..! all might i want you to meet y/n l/n, my best friend of many years!"

you took a deep bow at his direction, "im thankful to be able to train under you, and for you to trust me with knowing about your identity and izukus new quirk" all might grinned, "of course kiddo, now whats your quirk?"

"i have the ability to control elements, so far its mainly the usual four; water, fire, air, earth. im most comfortable with water, and least with earth. each of my elements have its own drawback." he nods as you speak, "you both definitely need to start strength training more as your quirks will be powerful."

"so lets get started!"

at that moment you had started the ten months of absolute torture.

everyday was spent working harder than before. a meal plan that was composed so that your every meal had enough protein to not only loose the unwanted body fat, but to also build the needed muscle for your quirk. a sleep schedule so that you woke up everyday with enough energy to train the 5 gruesome hours every morning, and extra if you felt up to it.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

finally it was the morning of the long awaited entrance exam. you watched as deku screamed and let out every nerve he had in him. "i have to admit it.. you two have genuinely surprised me by cleaning the entire beach! " exclaimed all might.

he pulled up a photo of you two from the first day you started, "you two have definitely gotten stronger and you y/n, have grown more experienced with your quirk. young midoriya you have now worked your body enough to inherit my quirk... eat this." he handed deku a strand of his hair and you gagged silently.

"to inherit my quirk you need to consume some of my dna" he explained, "theres no time to explain! eat it or you two will be late!" deku closed his eyes and swallowed the strand making you cringe.

i think im gonna be sick!

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you walked with deku to UA and stared at it in awe. you fiddled with your jacket covering the tight tanktop you had on, paired with your army green cargo pants.

god im so nervous..!

"even though i ate his hair i dont feel any different.." sighed deku, you smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder "its probably just getting used to your body, besides i never felt any different when i got my quirk!"

"stupid deku..! get out of my way before i light you on fire..!" snarled a voice from behind you. your heart dropped as you turned and made eye contact with bakugou.

you couldnt believe how much he had changed. his face was more mature and his body had definitely grown more muscle. his attitude had just gotten worse though.

he knocked his shoulder into yours and walked away coldly, not saying a word to you.

"asshat" you whispered while continuing to walk with deku until he stumbled on his own feet and was frozen mid air. "are you okay?" said a high pitched voice from a brown haired girl beside you.

"i used my quirk to stop you from falling!" deku got up and started blushing, you giggled knowing he probably thought she was cute. "my names ochako uraraka! nice to meet you two!" you smiled as deku started glitching in real life. "my names y/n l/n and thats izuku midoriya! its nice to meet you too!"

you grinned as a plan came to mind, "well i have to meet someone inside.. you should get to know her izuku! it was nice meeting you! bye izu!" you ran away giggling. he had no choice but to talk to her now!

you took a seat next to a red haired boy and settled down looking at your card. looks like ill be in battle center A.. "hey what center are you in?" the boy asked you as he showed you his card , "oh um.. center A" he sighed, "guess we arent in the same one.. well i wish you luck anyways!" he grinned showing his sharp teeth.

you smiled back, "thanks! you too! also i really like the red hair!" he blushed, "thanks dude!" suddently the lights went out and the hero present mic started speaking.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you finally got changed out of your jacket and prepared to fight. you stood outside of the battle center with a group of other people. you noticed bakugou but didnt awknowledge him, instead you made sure you had enough water in your pouch to use during the fight.

suddenly the doors opened and present mics voice could be heard counting down. "on your mark.. get set... go!"

it was finally the moment you had been training months for.

previous parts: pt. 00 / pt. 01 next parts: pt. 03 / pt. 04 / pt. 05 / pt. 06 / pt. 07 / pt. 08 / pt. 09 / pt. 10 / pt. 11 / pt. 12 / pt. 13 / pt. 14 / pt. 15

82 notes · View notes

crxnberrykxng · 3 days

Note

Hii- firstly I lovelove your blog, and I think you’re super stupendous.!! Thank you for having a vent space open<3, you dont have to read if you dont want too, I just wanna tell someone. -

I just feel like very unfullfilled in my life, and sorta apathetic to the things happening around me. I know im smart and that i deserve good things in life, yet i put myself in self deprecating situations, and i dont make any effort to pull myself out of them until it becomes so bad that my life is at risk. I miss my father, theres a protection order for my own safety due to his manic episodes. In a few months it should be safe for me to visit him, but ive just recently became an adult and started living on my own, ive always had someone to rely on. Specifically an older man. I feel so lonely and i just want a relationship with someone that isnt based around sex or unhealthy dynamics. I want to feel taken care of, im so used of taking care of someone that i dont remember what it was like to be cared for. From a young age i was comforting my mother, icing her bruises. Playing the messanger between her and my dad. It was good to feel needed, relied on. Until it came to the point where i can barely sleep at night, and i am terrified all the time. of what? i dont know. Nothing makes me happy anymore, the compliments of perverts on the internet, the validation of someone asking why im so thin. I just dont feel anything. Im stuck in this places, in this repetitive routine. I just want my father to love me like he did when I was a kid.

Sorry this was so long, I just needed to tell someone atleastxoox

hey <3 this might be kind of a wall of text so fair warning:

i understand completely how you feel. i never knew my birth father, had a cycle of men in my moms/my life throughout my childhood and teenage years. my mom has also had a lot of struggles w mental illness so for the most part i ended up raising my siblings and taking care of everyone else. its hard, and it takes a MASSIVE toll on your mental health.

wanting a parent so badly HURTS. you cant describe it to someone whose never experienced it. it's a different brand of pain and it never truly goes away. however, i can tell you that help and healing is absolutely possible, its very difficult but theres always someone to reach out to. hell if you need to, reach out to me. ill help find you someone who can help more than im able, if thats something you would ever want. i may be a disordered blog but i will 100% always go out of my way to offer any kind of resources or support for those who ask.

for now though, try to be kind to yourself. you've taken care of yourself and gotten to today, and i'm so proud of you for that. depression is fucking brutal. i have bipolar disorder type 2 and my depressive episodes make me feel like no matter how hard i try ill always end up back in the hole i'm trying to get out of. it sucks !!!! its fucking frustrating !!!! but its also not my fault, and being depressed is also not YOUR fault, either. you deserve love, care, and support just as much as everyone else. you matter. your feelings matter. you deserve more than the cards you've been handed and that makes me so angry for you. you should've gotten so much better and i'm so sorry the people that were supposed to provide that for you never did.

you will be okay one day, i promise. all of us will be. there will be a day where you can feel at home and at peace. i wish i could tell you when that is, but just try and hold out until you can see it. i love you and i'm sending all the healing in the world to you, and anyone else who feels the same way. you are loved, and it'll be okay. don't cringe at the cliche, but things will be okay in the end; if its not okay, its not the end <3

#thinspø #tw ana bløg #⭐️rving #4nor3xia #tw 3d shit #tw ed ana #4norexla #tw 3d vent #i just want to be thin #4n@diary

17 notes · View notes

mata-aetara-if · 1 year

Note

hi hi!!!! RO ask here. So, this is a bit specific of an ask but im sending it anyway!! so, for an MC embraces their medical-ninja role, what would the ROs reactions be to MC fretting and worrying over them whenever they get hurt, even minor injuries?

cute!

asahi: is very responsible when it comes to injuries, would happily let mc take care of him. thanks mc, complimenting their skills the whole time. kinda fascinated by the process , catches himself staring at mcs hands the whole time and hopes mc didn't notice ~

niko: is not very responsible when it comes to injuries, but would happily let mc take care of them. may not realize they're even hurt at first until mc is like "niko i need to heal you!" then they're like "oh i guess you do 😅" sitting happily waiting for mc to finish, almost like a puppy. promises to be more careful in the future (they are not)

shikako: hates feeling weak and hates that mc has to take care of her in this situation. mc would need to assure her that it's fine! this is what their jutsu is for and it's nothing to worry about. ,, it also doesn't help there's butterflies in her stomach with how close mc is to her. she probably wouldn't even realize when mc was done, mc would have to wave a hand in front of her face or something because 😳 shikako was zoned out 😳 lol

inoru: would be trying to convince mc he's fine, with tears in his eyes :''). "okay maybe i'm not.." he hates anyone seeing him in a weakened state, especially mc. when they start working on him he'll apologize that you have to help him like this,, he should've been stronger. it's not often inoru breaks his confident flirty personality, this would be one of the rare circumstances.

rona: would be so thankful. the whole time mc is working on her she'd be thanking them, and telling them they're doing a good job. even though she doesn't know med-ninjutsu she'd offer to take care of mc too! and kanemaru is right next to them both giving them all the licks and kisses just happy they're both okay!

jun: is on the defense at first wondering why mc is touching him. it's when he sees mc is genuinely concerned and wants to help him that he lets his walls down a little and lets them help. once they're done he'd thank them but can't look them in the eyes the rest of the day and will be wondering what this meant to them.

chai: mc would have to hold her down first of all lol, like you'd have to convince her she is not looking good and needs help!!! mayhaps get in her face and be like "chai let me help you you're injured!!" and it would finally click for her and she'd be like "🥺 okay" and she'd just sit there the whole time looking at mc like 🥺,, once mc has healed her she'd immediately jump up singing their praises- "I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW MC IS AMAZING! THE BEST HEALER IN THE WORLD!!"

mokoto: would love it, every second. they love any excuse to have mc touching them, even if it's because they're injured lol. would be sitting there quietly watching the process. once mc is done, they'd ask if you're sure you're done, they still hurt a little,, maybe you missed a spot .. ;)

ryoku: mc touches him in any kind/gentle way and this boy blushes. he's used to healers helping him asap when he's injured in the sand village being part of the kazekages clan, but having mc worrying over him just because he's him,, his mind is racing and now every time he gets injured he wishes it was mc there taking care of him (hint 😏).

kougetsu: is just staring at mc in shock while they take care of them. not used to any kindness while being patched up. because of the hozuki clans abilities, it's hard for them to sustain minor injuries so i just imagine someone like punching them and mc immediately being like D: and kougetsu is just like '??? :) idk what's happening but i like it' lol

#ask #anon #ro asks #ch: niko #ch: asahi #ch: shikako #ch: inoru #ch: rona #ch: jun #ch: chai #ch: mokoto #ch: ryoku #ch: kougetsu

53 notes · View notes

romana-after-dark · 1 year

Text

The Wrong Way (Dark Ending): Going Under, Part 2.5

Raider!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Raider!Tommy Miller x Fem!Reader

Spotify Playlist

Summery: After you give birth to Ellie in the cabin, Joel fins you and Tommy, besting Tommy in a fight. What happens to you? What happens to Ellie, Tommy, Lorenzo and the rest of the family Little One has acquired? How does Little One learn to cope with her new reality? Does she fall into the darkness that surrounds Joel and all he touches? Can Joel really change for you and your daughter?

WARNINGS FOR FULL FIC, NOT CHAPTER BY CHAPTER UNLESS SOMETHING NEW IS ADDED AFTER MASTER WARNING LIST: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!!! Fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, molestation, dubcon/non con. MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH WARNING, graphic violence, murder, manipulation, the horrors, Joel being Joel, Tommy being kinda pathetic, Joel's weird sexual fantasies, breeding kink, abuse of power. Just.... all the bad.

Extra warnings: again on the suicide. Post partum depression heavyyyyyyyyyy feelings inadequecy, joel's mind games are getting to her... but shes smart and shes fighting for her life.

Last chapter before things start looking up. Im having a little trouble making the chapters mesh together right without being too long bc chapter 1 was supossed to end with the deaths, but gooooood it was getting too long so i had to totally readjust. so yeah, this one is short too. don't worry, I do have a cohesive plan and an arch, im not going into this blind.

*****************

You didn’t leave the room much anymore. You left to use the bathroom, but honestly sometimes Tommy nearly had to drag you. June had to beg you to eat, always trying to make your favorites and you felt bad knowing she was largely slipping into the position you had been last month and you didn’t want her to have to take on all that… but you didn’t have the energy to do anything. All your time was spent caring for Ellie: breastfeeding, diaper changing, holding her… all your energy went to raising her.

June and Joel were your only company. Tommy wasn’t allowed alone with you, understandable under the conditions, but you missed him terribly. You wanted to talk to him alone, talk about what happened, how he and you had sex, how you promised to love each other. You were going to run away together, Tommy raising Ellie as his… he was supposed to be her dad, not Joel.

You were just thankful Joel didn’t seem to have any doubts Ellie was his… if he thought she was Tommy’s baby, she’d be dead. Did Tommy miss his almost daughter? Joel, for his part, was enraptured with his daughter. He changed her, got out of bed when she cried, took her outside and made sure she got fresh air and sunshine… a doting father, the kind of man she would have happy with in another life; but this was not the Joel that raised Sarah.

Joel always dressed Ellie the way always dressed you… he didn’t dress you anymore, because you rarely changed. You didn’t move from the bed hardly at all, so there was no real need. In the month since her birth, you had yet to go outside and had no desire to change that. As the sun began to shine on your face, waking you, you felt you jaw hurting from the blowjob you gave Joel last night… he’d remained away from your vagina and allowed it to heal which you were thankful for, but the sex options were depending on his mood. Good days he fucked your thighs or allowed you to jerk him off. Bad days he used your asshole, although he’d managed to find an old stash of vaseline he was using as lube which eased things.

Last night had been medium, so he let you blow him, even letting you take control… you were thankful for the little things.

“Morn’n to my beautiful girls.” Joel yawned out as he stretched.

“Good morning.”

He side eyed you for a moment, and you tried your best to smile… you couldn’t let him know how badly your families death affected you, how much you missed them all… With a kiss, he set about his morning routine: Change Ellie, give her to you to feed, burp her, go for a walk with her, bring her back and get ready to ‘work’ as he called it. If he felt he had some time, he’d lay a blanket on the floor and let her have ‘tummy time’ or letting her feel different objects or encouraging her wiggling. He’d proudly told you last week he thinks she’ll be rolling over early.

‘She’s strong.’ Joel assured you. “Dolly’s gonna grow up to be strong young woman.” Since when did Joel like his women strong? You wondered if he’d change his tune when she actually became her own person, when she questioned Joel and the world around her as all children do. Ellie was small of course given being premature but had been growing healthy. With lack of medical technology it may be hard to tell if she had issues such as hearing, sight, or heart problems, but Joel seemed thrilled with her progress. In these moments, he seemed like a normal dad.

So why didn’t you feel like a mom?

You loved you daughter. Of course you loved your daughter, it was almost impossible not to, not when there was a primal, biological tie… And it’s not like you didn’t like her either. Ellie was a good baby. Sometimes she had trouble sleeping, but so did you. No, the problem was with you. Always you. Joel had been right, Ellie deserved a good mom and no matter what, you couldn’t rise to that, you couldn’t match Joel’s parenting, you couldn’t be the mom she needed… When you looked at her… all you felt was guilt.

She liked Joel more, that was clear… Tommy tried to tell you that was normal, that kids go through phases and it didn’t mean she hated you… but you had your doubts. As you watched Joel change her, speaking to her so happily as you heard the household begin to wake up… you couldn’t help but feel their bond was stronger… Ellie liked her more… and that was only ever going to continue. By the time she’s a preteen she’d going to hate you, she’d going to realize you’re a bad mom, she’s going to realize you were weak and pathetic and a cheater and stupid just like Joel said you were.

“Oh little one…” Joel’s voice called you and you turn to see Joel finishing up dressing Ellie in a warm onesie for their walk. It was getting colder. “Honey, why are you crying?”

You were crying? Your hand lifted to feel the tears… yeah, you were. “I didn’t… I didn’t realize I was, I’m so sorry.” You tried to act like everything was fine, please don’t get made, please don’t hurt me…

But as Joel brought over a fussy Ellie for you to feed, he wrapped his arm around you, looking sympathetic. “You’re having a hard time, aren’t you?”

An understatement, but yes. “Maybe… maybe just a little.”

He sighed, massaging your neck and god, that felt nice. “How about you come with us on our morning walk, might make you feel better?”

That sounded exhausting. “No, I think I’ll just-”

“I think you should come.” He wasn’t asking.

When Ellie was finished, burped her and put her in her swing before giving it a little push and walking to the wardrobe. “So many nice clothes…” It’s almost as if he was reminding you of what you had. Eventually he settles on a sweater dress with wool stocking… the dress was your favorite color.

“You always look so beautiful in this one.” He praised, off your shirt. “Fuck…” Joel groped at your breasts and for a moment you thought he wanted to fuck you… but he simply sighed. “I can’t wait to make love to you for real again, show you the love you deserve.”

Joel assisted you in dressing from sliding on the bra that didn’t quit fit right with the changes your body had made since breastfeeding, to rolling up the stockings, to kneeling before you and tying your shoes. It made you feel like before, made you feel taken care of… childish, but in the sense that you don’t have to worry about anything, that everything would be handled for you… you had missed this.

He helped you get into a light jacket, dressed himself, then picked up Ellie and placed her in her pram that you kept in the room. Joel was very particular with Ellie’s things. They stayed in the room so no one could harm her by messing with them.

When he opened the door, the view to the kitchen surprised you. June was cooking breakfast and Tommy was standing nearby… very nearby. He was talking to her and she was laughing at whatever he said and you couldn’t help the jealousy inside you. He was supposed to be yours… Now June was his wife, and it appeared like neither were too upset about it. Could you blame him? She was beautiful, she was soft, she was funny and adventurous… all you did was lay in bed and mope. June was making the most of her situation, why couldn’t you do the same? Joel took care of you, provided, protected… all the things a man should do for his wife. You were a bad wife. Ungrateful, spoiled, useless. You were a bad mom.

June called your name, smiling nervously at you. She didn’t interact much with Joel from what you say, but she tended to mumble things under her breath which always caused Joel to double take… but she was always by Tommy’s side when she did. Would Tommy protect her? Still, your friend smiled brightly at you while Tommy looked caught. “You’re up!” She didn’t mean it like that, but it felt like a slap in the face. You hadn’t moved for a month.

Joel spoke for you when you merely nodded. “We’re going for a walk today.” He said with the arm that wasn’t on Ellie’s pram around your waste. “Would you like to join us?” You didn’t doubt the offer was genuine; Joel wanted the 5 of you to be a happy family together.

Tommy looked to June. “Would you like to go?”

You could see the back of June’s head nod towards their room. “We’re in the middle of breakfast.” She turned around to look at you. “Can we go tomorrow? We’ll plan the day a little better, this was just last minute idea of ours.” June smiled up at Tommy.

“Tomorrow it is then.” Joel confirmed, and ushered you outside, picking the pram up to carrying it down the porch stairs.

You thought of that day a whole year ago, even longer actually… the night after Joel branded you, violently and public raped you, leaving you to be devoured by a pack of wolves… he had taken you outside to watch the sunshine, bundled up in his arms… warm, somehow so safe… he’d been different, after that. With the exceptions of choking you and the incident with Tommy and the gun, he didn’t hurt you until the night he hung you. Were you really playing off choking you so hard you saw spots and putting a gun to your head a one off’s? What had happened to you? You supposed you never knew much better with your father… but you should have. Maybe Joel was right, maybe you were stupid after all. Just a stupid bimbo housewife that was only good for being his breeding bitch.

“I have a… a meeting, today around noon but I’m gonna cancel everything else. Taking the rest of the day off to be with you and Dolly, okay?”

“Okay… yeah that sounds. Nice, actually.” And you were being genuine. It wasn’t Joel you were scared of… it was the crushing weight of being a failure as a mom, a wife, a sister, a friend, a daughter… Did your dad ever think of you? Because you sure think of him, especially when you wake up from the nightmares.

You can see Joel smiling from the corner of your eyes. “Maybe you can start joining us on these walks? Quality time as a family is so important.”

It’s also important for the child's mother to be able to take a piss without an escort… but that's neither here nor there.

Joel seemed to read your mind. “Maybe… maybe it’s time you have a little freedom… you’ve been good. Last month was just a lapse of judgment, right? We both made mistakes. There's no reason I should punish you forever.” Except you murdered my brother.

You wouldn’t know what do with that freedom. You didn’t want to go anywhere, do anything… You didn’t even really want to live… but you couldn’t leave Ellie. You’d failed her in every way but you could keep her fed… the nutrition from your body at least was enough to help her grow, so you weren’t completely fucking useless.

“Here” Joel stopped the pram and dug in his pocket, pulling out a jackknife… the one used to kill Nick, the one you stabbed him with… He pressed it into your palm. “Stay in the yard, keep this on you… but you can leave without me or Tommy, okay? When the wether warms I can build you that greenhouse you wanted…” Joel took your hands in his, touching foreheads. “I already started radio chains to trade for seeds you want… whatever you want to grow on the farm, the greenhouse, any livestock, pet… it’s yours.I want this to be your home, little one. I want us all to be a family. That’s why I spared Tommy, you know that, right? I know how much you care about him… and June, I bought her for you… everything had been for you, for Dolly… so we can all be happy together.”

Did he love you? He had to, right? He did it all for you… for your family… he loved you… Why did you run? Why did you mess up what you had? The home you made here…

No.

No, Joel hung you from a tree. He punched you repeatedly in the chest so hard you bruises for weeks. He raped you. That’s how this all started, Joel raped you. He called Ellie Sarah sometimes, he was delusional, cruel, a bully…

But then why was he so good sometimes?

Everything hurt, everything was foggy… but the walk did feel nice.

When Joel noticed you were tired, he ushered you back to the house, weak from birth and the lack of movement… but your heart rate had gone up, you felt the sun on your skin and fresh air… maybe this could be a new start? You had freedom now. June made the best of her situation, maybe you could too. You had her now, after all…

Joel and you played with Ellie for a while, and for once you actually felt engaged in your daughter. She was strong… already wiggling and looking like she was trying to roll over. You notice how she tries to keep her eyes open, taking in the world around her… curious, beautiful little thing…

You made that. She was half you… if she was half you and 100% perfect, there had to be some good in you, right?

Joel left for his “meeting” (probably murder, but he liked to talk like he was a businessman from before), June and Tommy entered to keep you company. You missed Tommy, you missed Tommy so fucking much… Tommy was supposed to be her dad, would he have been as attentive as Joel? Joel had said he was a good uncle, that him and Sarah were close. Did he think of Ellie as his daughter? Did he long for her? After promising to raise her, after loving you… fighting for you both, he had to feel some sort of personal connection, right?

You look at the man you thought, for a few brief hours would be your husband… your savior… “Tommy?” You say, hopeful. “Would you like to hold her?”

Tommy looked at Ellie for a long, long time. For a moment, half a second, he reached for her, then turned on his heel muttering something about having to insulate the chicken coop before the first big freeze.

You were gutted.

June swooped in at that, quickly coming to grab Ellie and take her to her crib.

“Let’s take a nap, okay?”

“Y-yeah, okay.” You agreed shakily as you settled into bed… Tommy rejected Ellie. Tommy didn’t want Ellie. Tommy didn’t want you…

The whole time you thought Tommy was yours, he was seeing Maria and god knows who else on the side… then he ditched Maria for you and you thought that maybe, just maybe, he was yours… but Tommy didn’t want you anymore. Tommy didn’t want to be Ellie’s dad anymore.

Tommy didn’t want to be a family anymore.

And with that realization, the tiny bit of self worth you’d gained was shattered.

“I missed you, you know.” June said as she wrapped her arms around you. You and her used to sleep like this sometimes at the farm she grew up on with you. Zach usually slept at the end of the bed… you all felt safer like that, even though when your dad wanted what he wanted from you and June, he usually got it. Sometimes, though, Zach was too much to deal with. Sometimes he put up enough of a fight Jaimie backed off. That fight got him killed. You got him killed. You got Lorenzo killed, Jack, Maura… and if you weren’t careful you’d get June killed too.

“I know, I missed you too.”

“I worried constantly… I wanted to do something but… it was like at the farm, you just get lost in the helplessness.”

“I know.” God, did you know. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to do anything, you would’ve gotten yourself killed. I’m not worth it.”

June sat up, saying your name with shock. “How can you say that? Sweetheart, look at me.” June coaxed your face to look at her. “You are worthy of protection, okay? You deserve to be safe.”

You didn’t know if you believed her, but you believed she believed it, and that was enough for the time being.

**********************

Tommy tommy tommy.... what are we going to do with you?

I swear, little one finds her voice the next chapter!

For the record, i stand by tommy in the alt ending being a loving father, husband, and friend. in this ending he's just... well we'll see. It's nothing crazy bad but yeah.

@pimosworld @rubyfruitjungle @moriartyyouwhore @k-ra @the-fox-den @jenna-ortega @alwaysmicado @lunar-ghoulie @ladynightingale @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @maura-honey @fandxmslxt69 @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @miraclesabound

#Joel Miller #Joel Miller smut #tw rape #dub con #non con #dark joel miller #romana after dark #dark!Joel #the last of us hbo #joel miller fic #joel miller reader #joel miller reade smut #dark joel miller reader #tommy miller fem reader #tommy miller smut #tommy miller fem!reader #the wrong way fic #the wrong way series #tommy miller

36 notes · View notes

dark-night-insomniac · 2 years

Text

Healing touch

| Dreamcatcher Handong x backup dancer reader

Genre: fluff 1.4k words

A/n: for @princessdong, version 1/2

———/——————/—————

Injuries were a part of your job and happened from time to time, after all, your body was a tool for your work, and sometimes tools needed to be fixed. But it was nothing your girlfriend couldn't fix. Even though you were sad about the unfortunate timing of your injury, a week before Dreamcatcher’s concert, you still came to practice everyday to watch and memorize what you could.

You walked arm in arm with Handong every morning, most of the time going your separate ways but recently you were assigned as dreamcatcher’s dancer for the upcoming concert.

So here you were again, at work but to only watch rather than dance. You had no complaints though, you can spend the day watching your girlfriend at work. You were a visual learner and if you were able to heal by next week, you would still be ready to participate with the dancers.

You sat down, resting comfortably against the wall. Handong was up somewhere in the room, unpacking her essentials she had brought with her.

You opened your phone, reading emails as a part of your daily routine. Your arm rested against you to limit its mouvement.

You felt someone lower themselves in front of you.You looked up to see Handong placing a small pillow next to you. She then looked at you for permission to move your arm, you nodded. She gently grabbed your injured arm to place it comfortably to your side on the pillow she just had set there.

You smiled at her action, not being able to stray your eyes away from her face. You knew when she was worried, you could tell by her little frown and it was confirmed when she asked if moving your arm was hurting you.

‘’Im fine jagi, thank you’’ you smiled at her

Her hand was guiding itself to your cheek to caress if, finally the worried Handong turning into a smiley one as you leaned into her touch.

‘’Tell me if there's anything i can get for you okay?’’ She made you promise

‘’Hmm maybe i will, if your not busy that is’’ you teased making her frown despite her smile

‘’yah i'm trying to take care of you y/n’’ she giggled, scolding you

You gently took her hand that was resting on your cheek with your uninjured one, placing a chaste kiss on her knuckles before reassuring her.

‘’I’ll tell you if i need anything’’ you looked up at her with sincere eyes

‘’Okay, thank you jagi’’ she smiled before leaning in to give you a kiss that melted you into place.

Unfortunately work was calling and Dongie was sitting up to start the day. Winking at you in the process before taking her place on the dance floor.

You would have pulled up your phone again but you were far too mesmerized by your lover’s dancing.

You admired the power that would protrude through her dance while still showing such grace within her mouvements

Odd eye was now being performed.

You loved the song, but especially how charismatic Handong seemed to be while performing her parts.

And she knew just exactly how much seeing her charismatic side affected you. She had overheard you talking about it with other dancers. And that, even before the two of you were a thing.

As it was her turn to sing, she let her body roll to the music and changed the choreo to point towards you. Finishing her line off with a wink and a lick of her lips.

Multiple reactions could be heard, cheers, shock by her members and laughers.

But you, you heart was stammering through your chest at the sight and heat rose up to your cheeks, earning a nudge from sooyeon who was sitting close to you.

As for Handong, she immediately went back into character for the song, her smile unmistakably still showing from time to time as she met your eyes after what she did.

After about an hour, the first break was called for everyone.

Your girlfriend immediately waddled over to you, sitting in front of you.

‘’Good job out there’’ you smiled

‘’Thank you’’ she pouted slightly through her smile ‘’i missed you’’ she added

You made a sign for her to come closer

She sat herself by your side,

She was looking down over your arm and wrist. Gently dragging her fingers against your skin, like looking for any mark on your unbruised skin.

Although seemingly cold, Handong cared for you more than words ever could show, she’d always be making sure you were free of any discomfort or pain

Her hand neared your wrist, the place were most of the impact had been taken after your fall.

You slightly hissed out of pain, making her retrieve her hand immediately.

‘’Oh i'm sorry jagi’’ she said, looking over to you

you reassured her but she suddenly stood up and walked towards the small cooler in the room. She grabbed something from it before returning to your side.

‘’Here, this water bottle is somewhat frozen, it should help ease your pain’’ she gently held the water bottle on your wrist before cradling your face once again with the palm of her hand and gave you a soft peck on the lips.

Sooyeon was then heard calling the members who would practice their solo performances first.

Handong wasn’t called and so she made sign for you to move away from the wall, leaving space for her to sit behind you.

You comfortably laid back against her warm body, her left arm enveloping you before resting on your stomach. Her right arm was busy holding that makeshift ice pack on your wrist.

You smiled at her caring action, turning around slightly to leave a kiss to her neck. You heard her sigh at the contact, she was clearly tired and ready to go home, but here she was, still taking care of you.

‘’Thank you for being so good to me’’ you confessed almost whispering

‘’Hmm anything for you’’ she replied before laying her cheek atop your head. She knew you liked physical contact, being surrounded by her arm, and now her head acting as a blanket over you, she knew you'd be more comfortable and at ease. She was just that attentive to all those little things you liked.

A few hours later practice was over and you were waiting for Handong to change before leaving.

She helped you up and helped you put your jacket on before leading you out the room, her hand grabbing yours.

The girl’s manager dropped you off at your apartment, and although Handong didn’t mention any plans, she exited the car after you, surprising you.

She laughed at your expression

‘’Come on inside, i'll take care of you’’ she grinned while leading you inside

Once inside, you took off your shoes before following handong to your bedroom.

You sat on your bed, watching as she made her way to your closet.

she took out some clean clothes for you before going to the kitchen to get some pain killers

‘’Here you should take this before sleeping jagi’’ she handed the pills over before bringing the glass of water to your lips. You quickly drinked before laughing.

‘’Babe i can drink water on my own its okay’’ you giggled

She suddenly felt embarrassed, whining at your words, she had been so focused on you, making sure you took the painkillers, that she didn't realize she fed you the water.

‘’I'm just making sure you don't use your arm!’’ She defended herself, leaving you smiling

‘’Okay, thank you Dongie’’ you replied

She then helped you out of your clothes and into clean ones. Laying you down gently to then cover you with a warm blanket.

‘’I'll go shower quickly and i'll be with you?’’ She almost asked for permission

‘’Yes you should, you smell’’ you teased making her whine in defeat before the both of you were laughing

She quickly showered and true to her words was back by your side

She laid under the cover and closed the gap between your two bodies.

You were half asleep already, not realizing she joined you until she softly let her hand up and down your injured arm.

You hummed at the feeling, leaning your head forward to lay on her chest.

‘’Thank you, my healer’’ you smiled

‘’Anything for you y/n’’

#dreamcatcher x reader #dreamcatcher imagines #dreamcatcher scenarios #handong imagines #handong x reader #handong scenarios

77 notes · View notes

haemosexuality · 1 year

Text

insanely long analysis of the ep promise of she-ra <3

(first a bit of S1e10- the beacon)

[Adora is talking to the woods as she-ra.] Just let me fix this, please! I-I can’t let anyone else get hurt. [she transforms back into adora and sits down] Fine. You win. You want me to be weak? Well. I am. And I’m afraid. Because, I-I’m no good at any of this.

God doesn’t that hurt immediately off the bat. “just let me fix this, please” is a perfect summary of adoras entire character. She is so, so desperate to be useful- she needs to help other people, she needs to fix everything and save everyone. She cant let herself be a person, shes a vessel (HRUAHHRAGHHH season 5) to help others, shes a tool and a means to an end. Shes the hero. But shes bad at that, because no matter how much she represses herself, she feels and wants things so strongly all the time. She hopes and begs for direction and destiny but shes terrified of not having control. She will desperately try again and again to be the perfect hero-sacrifice that will heal the world and keep her friends safe but she doesn’t want that, not really, what she wants is to go to parties and hang out with her friends and catra, but she feels she doesn’t deserve that. She cant let herself have anything she wants. But she still does. Shes afraid and shes weak and shes too young for this. Her wanting things so strongly is what ruins everyones plans, shadow weaver’s and light hope’s and horde prime’s. its what saves everyone. This doesn’t have anything to do w the scene I was talking about anymore oops. “I’m no good at any of this” just confirms that, shes bad at being your standard self sacrificing selfless hero in the same way catra was bad at being an unfeeling purely evil villain. She just cant stop being a person

Ok now onto Promise: the ep starts immediately after that scene, with adora going inside the crystal castle looking for answers on how to heal glimmer, and catra following after her looking for tech that she can use (and also to spy on adora bc that might not have been her primary objective but shes not gonna pass up on that chance lol)

“You are not ready yet. You must let go.” “let go of what?” [camera pans to catra] will always be so. Ugh poetic cinema

How did anyone ever trust light hope lmao immediately from the first time she shows up shes all like “free yourself of all of your earthly attachments and join my hero training course”. Also, again, adora’s attachment to catra (and glimmer and bow) has always been the main thing saving her from falling head first into self sacrificial bullshit. She cant let go of her. She will never fully let go of her.

Catra: What's going on? Why are those things trying to kill us?

She-Ra: They're trying to kill you. This place sees you as an invader.

Catra: Well, can't you tell them to stop?

She-Ra: [incredulously, frustrated] No, I can't tell them to stop! Clearly nothing in here is listening to me!

Oh I just realized something. The crystal castle is a place that was made for adora and caters to her, and it sees catra as an invader. Much like how in the Horde, adora was favoritized and shadow weaver’s center of attention while catra was mistreated and discarded. Seen as an invasion, a corrupting force in Adora’s life. The one thing adora cant control in the crystal castle is how it reacts to catra, it activates security protocol no matter what she does, like how adora could never fully protect catra from shadow weaver and the others. Even throughout the episode and at the end, we see catra fighting tooth and nail to survive everything the castle throws at her while adora undermines her (“I had it.” “Sure you did.”), and by the end all her fighting pays off and she comes out victorious, like how she goes up in the horde until shes effectively its lord. The crystal castle (im just gonna call it CC) literally becomes the fright zone throught the simulation too I cant believe I didn’t get this before

Catra: Anyway, what are you doing here? [angrily, sarcastically] Where are your new best friends? I thought you guys did eVeRyThInG together.

The similarity between this and the flashback scene where we see a child catra say “go eat with your new best friend lonnie! I know you like her better than me. Youre supposed to me my friend” really shows how immature they still are I think. Not as a like, inherent character flaw or smth, they just weren’t raised in a place where emotional maturity is a thing you learn. They were never taught how to deal with their emotions in any way, other than “repress it really hard, hit someone and blow up a civilian”. Of course theyre emotionally stunted. This probably also contributes to both of them’s very black and white way of thinking. Also theyre still in the 17-18 range so like literally theyre teens. Just goes to show that them being separated for a while was necessary, bc they needed to break off their codependency to be able to grow as people and mature emotionally, that would never happen if they stayed together and just enabling each others toxic traits, instead of being able to have a healthy relationship like they do after the end.

Something I also never considered before is why the CC showed them the memories it did? Like. Was it light hope that chose those? I assume so since she not only has shown she can do that but also watched adora her entire life so she knows all her memories. Did she specifically pick out painful memories that she thought would tear them further apart? It seems obvious now but I just never thought ab this before. The first memory shown does go against that tho, its just baby adora and catra being cute. Maybe she wanted to show them how much their relationship had deteriorated?

↑ gay

Ooooouough this is when it starts to hurt pray for my emotional stability

Adora: ...Can I ask you something?

Catra: Can I stop you?

Adora: ...Why did you help me escape after Shadow Weaver captured us?

Catra: Not this again.

Adora: It's the one thing I can't figure out. You didn't have to do that. You could've gotten caught...why risk it? [Rock on the edge crumbles beneath her; yelps] Whoa, whoa, whoa--!

Catra: Did you really think I'd just let Shadow Weaver erase your memory like that?

Adora: I dunno. Probably.

[Adora grunts as Catra pulls her up]

Catra: Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me.

Adora: Can you blame me?

Catra: Not really.

This is so. Ugh. I love adora but especially in the first season shes so.. girl what are you doing!!!! How can she be so ignorant. Obviously I know how but. Augh so much of catra’s hurt stems from this… when I say that adora was fully, totally brainwashed by the horde, I don’t mean just that she believed their propaganda about the war, or whatever bullshit shadow weaver ingrained in her about her purpose. She also believed what they all said about catra. To a lesser extend, obviously, and she loved catra with all of herself- but she did still believe catra was a bit lazy, kinda disrespectful, uncaring, etc. and I cant even totally blame her, because catra actively tried to make herself seem all those things. Catra didn’t want to let anyone know how hard she tried, how much she hurt, so she played up the “aloof, lazy student/soldier who doesn’t care about anything” role as much as she could. But still, god, the way adora treated her must have hurt so much. “you never did have too much faith in me” absolutely breaks my heart. Catra cared about adora so much. She cared about adora more than anything in her life. Obviously she would do anything to prove herself once she can, look at how even the person who loved her the most thought about her. Im gonna talk more ab this later there are better scenes for that. But also I CANNOT BELIEVE ADORA IN THIS!!! GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!! WDYM CAN U BLAME ME YES I CAN (ignore the part where I said I couldn’t) DON’T JUST SAY THAT SHE SAVED YOUR LIFE. OH MY GOD ok. Being a catra, an adora, and a catradora stan means sometimes u really want to slap s1 adora in the face. For multiple reasons. and the fact catra agrees too…. Catra hates herself so much. She truly honestly believes shes a bad person and it breaks my heart. And unfortunately for everyone, catra has shown that she'll always play a role that shes assigned to the max. everyone believed that shes a villain, she believed that shes a villain, so by fucking god shes gonna be a villain.

putting the rest of this under a readmore bc its longggg

her tail touching adoras hand i am on the floor

Catra: It wasn't all bad growing up in the Fright Zone, was it? I mean, you still have some good memories, right? (dont trust the subtitles in the pics theyre wrong)

THIS scene destroys me. Catra’s so- she always knew the horde was evil, ok, she always knew their childhood was bad. But she endured it for adora. To catra, all the happy memories they made growing up were worth it- all for adora. It didn’t matter what they did. Only to see adora throw all these moments away the moment she realized the rest of it was bad? God, catra mustve felt like she was garbage to adora. Something that wasn’t even worth thinking about once she had the opportunity of something better. Shes very aloof here, as always, but she probably feels a bit desperate- was it worth it for you too? Did any of it matter to you? Where you just miserable the entire time?

Adora: Of course I do. But it doesn't change the fact that the Horde is evil. I had no choice. I couldn't go back.

This is adora’s biggest problem tho. She had no choice, she couldn’t go back. She never feels like she can choose anything based on what she actually wants. Shes always, always driven by this need to do good, the right thing. And this is where theyre most incompatible at first, because while catra only cares about adora and that’s her priority, adora has Morals and puts the greater good over her personal relationships, which to catra makes it seem like she doesn’t care about her. Her happy memories were absolutely worth it to adora, but theyre not more important than the good of the entire world. (I don’t think adora having a sense of morality and not wanting to side with a military empire is a bad thing, catra was the villain of the show for a reason and the reason is that obviously working for something that wants to take over the world is bad. Im just explaining how this is what drove them apart, how catras mind works, and to an extend why you can understand her side and emphatize with her even if she was in the wrong. That trait of adora’s does get bad when she starts acting like she needs to kill herself for that greater good tho.)

them taking a moment to play-fight in the middle of all of that makes me want to sobbbbb 😭😭😭

TINY LITTLE BABIESSSSSSSSSSS Young Catra: What was that? Way to gang up on me!

Young Lonnie: You were fighting dirty. I was just leveling the field.

[Catra shakes and growls in anger as Adora walks up and places a hand on Catra's shoulder]

Young Adora: Hey, you were awesome! Did I hurt you?

Young Catra: No, I'm fine. You're just lucky I let you win.

Young Adora: Riiiiiiiight.

Young Catra: I'm serious! [scoffs] If I came in first, people might expect me to actually start doing stuff around here. Trust me, second place suits me just fine.

Young Adora: Yeah, okay.

EVERYTHING I SAID BEFORE. you can see catra was obviously extremely upset that she didn’t win, but admitting that would be admitting defeat. She shrinks herself to fit into this “no im fine, im chill, im not even trying in fact. I don’t care” attitude, because that hurts less than admitting that shes trying so, so hard but no one believes in her and she keeps losing to adora (mostly bc the other cadets and staff favoritize adora over her, and discriminate against her, making it harder for her to succeed in anything). And adora believes her. “second place suits me just fine” was the mantra catra kept telling herself through her entire life to try and feel less hurt about living in adoras shadow.

though it wasn’t working, and her resentment towards adora kept growing more and more.

oh this scene could be ab so many things. Catra literally slipping through her fingers. A parallel to earlier, when catra held onto adora and helped her up, while here theyre torn apart by a force stronger than them. How adora tried but couldn’t save catra. Aughh

and here, we see how capable catra is. Shes both extremely strong (able to rip herself out of… whatever that is) and extremely smart, even under pressure (in seconds she figures out where she has damage this thing shes never seen before so it stops working)

only for adora to come in, “save the day” after she had already saved herself, and act all. “sure you did” about it. Again, making absolutely clear catra knows she doesn’t believe in her.

Adora: What is your problem? I was just trying to save you.

Catra: For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you.

That says everything on its own. Adora doesn’t understand why catra is hurt/angry, she doesn’t even understand how what she said undermines catra. And catra is extremely bitter that adora keeps acting like That. Also, something I haven’t touched on is that adora leaving the horde put catra in so much danger. She was the only thing providing catra with even the slightest bit of protection, which catra -hated- but absolutely depended on, since shadow weaver had made clear that catra was -only ever kept alive because of adora-. Adora defecting put catra in danger not only of the other cadets targeting her, but of death. Catra was left all alone to survive in those conditions, and she did, and now adora keeps acting like catra needs her to save her.

Adora: Catra, wait. ...I'm sorry for leaving. I couldn't go back to the Fright Zone, not after I saw what the Horde was really doing. something that must have stung too is the idea that adora saw innocent people suffering, and that led her to realize that the horde was bad. But she had seen catra being abused by the horde their whole life, and yet still thought the horde was good. What does that say about how adora saw catra? Did she think catra deserve it, wasn’t innocent enough for that violence to be unwarranted? Was her suffering not enough for adora to realize how fucked up that was? (again, we’re able to know that it wasn’t that, adora was just as abused as catra, watching someone be physically abused is also extremely traumatized and kids will learn to justify the abuse theyre experiencing to themselves or others and might not realize its wrong u cant expect a kid to know how to act in a situation like that she was in as much survival mode as catra was and her trying to keep herself in shadow weaver’s good side was just her desperately trying to keep herself safe etc etc this is from catras perspective) I never wanted to leave you. ...You could come with me! You-you-you could join the rebellion! I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this hurts so much. Adora might have internalized some of what the horde said ab catra and catra might have felt that 10 times as strong than it actually was but adora never actually believed catra was a bad person. Shes probably the only one (before scorpia and entrapta) that Didn’t think catra was destined to be a disgrace, to be bad. And its so sad bc even with all their flaws she loves catra so so much and she wants catra to come with her so much. Adora now has access to a life where she has the opportunity to be happy and she so desperately wants to give catra that same life. She knows catra deserves better and she can see that now more clearly than ever. But its too late, catra is too hurt and too angry to follow her and even if at this point adoras words might have some effect on her, its about to get so much worse. :(

Fuck this next part is going to hurt. Ok

Shadow Weaver: [screams angrily] Get out!

[Young Adora cries out in alarm as dark magic encloses the exit]

Shadow Weaver: Catra... [young Adora turns to see young Catra's form enveloped in a paralyzing, zapping magic] ...you stay.

[Young Catra grunts as she is forced to stand]

Shadow Weaver: What do you think you're doing in here?

[Shadow Weaver makes young Catra turn, feet squeaking on the floor as she does so without picking up her feet; Shadow Weaver clicks her mask back in place]

Catra: [fearfully] We were just playing.

Shadow Weaver: [hatefully] Insolent child. I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you. But I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well.

Adora: [pleading] Shadow Weaver, it wasn't her fault, it was my idea, too!

Shadow Weaver: [hatefully, still talking to Catra] You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me! I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you, but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. [slowly, enunciating] Do you understand?

Adora: [runs between them, throwing her arms out to protect young Catra; pleading] Please stop!

[The dark magic dissipates back into Shadow Weaver's cloak as she groans and moves back toward the Garnet; Young Adora and young Catra share a look before young Adora runs over to Shadow Weaver]

Adora: She didn't mean to!

Shadow Weaver: [placidly, attempting to soothe] Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. [Shadow Weaver finally lets young Catra out of the paralyzing magic and she grunts as she falls to the ground] Do not let something like this happen again. [she pats young Adora's head as young Catra looks on]

Transcripts and screenshots cannot properly convey the dread of this scene. In a flashback, catra and adora are caught by shadow weaver playing in a place they weren’t supposed to be in, and shadow weaver paralyzes catra with electric magic we know is extremely painful to be caught in, and threatens her life. Catra and adora look to be like, between 6-7 years old in this scene. Theres so much happening here. This lays the foundation to basically everything that happens in the show.

First off, shadow weaver singles out, physically hurts catra, and blames her for something that adora initiated. then, she makes it clear that she sees catra and someone that is bad, and she doesn’t expect anything else from her. And, she says catra is a bad influence in adora’s life, tainting whats perfect, and that tells her that every time after this that adora “acts out”, will be catra’s fault.

she tells catra that, if she ever feels like catra is “ruining” adora, she will get killed. From now on, adora’s friendship is literally what is keeping catra alive. This will, understandably, fuck their relationship up a little bit and also make catra incredibly dependent on adora. She will do anything to keep being adora’s friend and she will have to make sure that shadow weaver doesn’t feel like she is making adora behave out of line or that she isn’t becoming better than adora, isn’t taking her number 1 spot away from her.

she goes on to tell adora, who has been watching all of this, that its her job to make sure catra is kept in line. She’s seen what happens when she doesn’t. this will make adora feel incredibly responsible for catras well being, and like she has to constantly save catra and beg for catra to act right, otherwise catra will get hurt and itll be her fault. On the other hand, adora is a child who just saw someone get tortured, and subconsciously shes gonna make sure to always stay in shadow weavers good side, not only bc if she doesn’t then catra gets punished but because she does not want that to happen to her too.

catra, who was frozen and electrocuted and berated, saw adora get gently talked to, “reassured”, and receive physical affection.

that results in catra growing up both extremely attached and extremely bitter of adora, for “having it easy” and always acting like shes her savior, while she has to constantly walk on eggshells (on a minefield, honestly) so she doesn’t get physically abused. She starts resenting adora as anything she does gets blamed on her, and shes forced to live as her shadow, her bad influence, the devil to adora’s angel. And in adora having a major savior/messiah complex, she feels like shes responsible for saving everyone, and every time someone gets hurt its her fault. She will live the rest of her life trying fix and save everything, because if she can’t then what good is she?

understanding that this is where all of their motivations, flaws, traumas and personalities come from will help u understand the entire show better tbh. It all comes down to shadow weaver. [Young Adora and Catra are walking down a hall in the Fright Zone, just after this incident; they walk past a pillar and become Present Adora and Catra again]

Catra: You always need to play the hero, don't you?

Adora: I was only trying to protect you.

Catra: You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on Shadow Weaver's bad side.

[Scene transitions to Young Adora and Catra in the same place]

Young Catra: Admit it. You love being her favorite!

Young Adora: That's not true!

Young Catra: Oh, yeah? [glitches back to Present Catra (and Adora)] When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then?

Adora: You don't have to let Shadow Weaver treat you like that anymore. You can leave--[glitches back to Young Adora and Catra]--just like I did!

Young Catra: Oh, because I need to follow you everywhere you go?!

Young Adora: I didn't mean it that way.

[glitches back to Present Adora and Catra]

Catra: I don't. Want. To leave. What don't you understand about that? I'm not afraid of Shadow Weaver anymore, and I'm a better Force Captain than you would've ever been.

[glitches back to Young Adora and Catra]

Young Adora: You always said you didn't care about things like that...

Young Catra: [crying] Well, I was lying, obviously!

[glitches back to Present Adora and Catra; Catra begins to walk away]

Adora: Catra, just wait!

Catra: Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the Fright Zone? I didn't want you to come back, Adora!

That scene lays out everything I said so perfectly I don’t even have anything to add.

This scene where catra is running through a simulation of all her most painful memories and desperately screams LET! ME! OUT OF HERE!! perfectly represents what spiraling like that feels like

[a younger Catra, maybe 5 or younger, is crying and hiding her face in a blanket on their bunk in the Fright Zone]

Young Adora: [peers from around a doorway] ...Catra?

[Young Catra continues to sob as Young Adora walks to her; Young Adora peels back the cover from Young Catra's face, and Young Catra hisses]

Young Adora: Catra, it's okay, it's just me. It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.

Young Catra and Present Catra: You promise?

Young Adora: I promise.

And then the promise. Everything catra went through, all the abuse and bullying, she put up with all of it because of this. She held onto their promise until the end. But the moment adora decided to leave the horde, she broke their promise.

as the memory-simulation ends, young catra gives a look to present catra. One that probably said, remember this. Remember how much you mean for each other. Don’t break your part of the promise. But this isn’t how catra takes it at all. all this tells catra, all that this entire day has told catra, is how terrible adora is. Adora ruined her life. Adora lied to her, said they’d be together forever only to abandon her. Adora forced her to be in her shadow. Adora is the reason shadow weaver never treated her right. She looks at her younger self and thinks, I'll avenge you. Im never gonna let anyone hurt you ever again. Im going to show all of them how strong I can be, ill rise to the top and ill be unstoppable. Im never letting anybody put me down ever again.

(and then is season 5, seeing a younger version of herself is also what makes her realize how wrong she was, how this isn’t the path she wants to take. Its what motivates her to get better, be better. Thinking about herself as a child kickstarted both her descent into being a villain and her redemption arc/recovery.) [Adora is holding onto dear life to some ropes or smth that are keeping her from falling off a cliff. Catra shows up]

Adora: [hopeful] Catra?

Catra: [holding the sword, rubs a finger along its side] Hey, Adora.

Adora: [pleading] Catra, help me, please...

Catra: [contemplatively unhurried] This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you. Then again, you're special. That's what Shadow Weaver always said.

Adora: Catra...what are you doing?

Catra: Ah, you know? It all makes sense now. You've always been the one holding me back. You wanted me to think I needed you. You wanted me to feel weak. Every hero needs a sidekick, right?

Adora: [desperately] Catra, no, that's not how it was...

Catra: [laughs humorlessly] The sad thing is, I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde, when really you leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so much stronger than anyone ever thought.

I wonder what I could've been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner...

[Catra cuts the last of the rope holding Adora up; Adora shrieks as she falls, catching a rock handhold on the way down]

Adora: I-I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best! Please don't do this!

[Catra looks at the sword, then tosses it into the chasm; it clangs on the way down, Adora gasps lightly]

Catra: Bye, Adora. I really am going to miss you.

And then she fucking lion kings adora. The fucking episode ever number 1 villain origin story of the century catra you will always be everything to me. Writing this took 6 hours im so tired. And then the episode ends with light hope once more telling adora she needs to let go AUGH so good. I need to go to sleep. if you read all of this i love u i hope u liked it <3 also u might like this post also

#writing this was exhausting omg #its 5:30am i begun writing this before midnight #sorry ab the quality of some of the pics i had to make sure this fit the 30 pics limit #also i am not a writer! i apologize for how messy this is!#theyre literally everything to me..#she ra #catra #adora #catradora

26 notes · View notes

snow-and-saltea · 9 months

Text

People I'd like to know better

Tagged by @paleasamoon (hi tex i love you tex sorry this took a year) (HEH. get it. cus you tagged me last year. heh.)

Last song: just putting on yt music as im reading manga and talking to muwi, and now its playing burn for you, from the bridgerton musical! (i don't know watch or follow it) (it's just a nice song) but i'd also like to recommend this song

Favourite colour: YELLOW!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛

Currently watching: my computer screen writing this up

Last movie / TV show: skip to loafer! i was screaming with muwi the entire time bc the story was so sweet and healing and everyone is so sympathetic and cute and we kept being like AAAAAAAAAA I LOVE WOMEN FRIENDSHIPS SO MUCHHHHHH

Spicy/savoury/sweet: sweet! if i could choose a combo, i like savoury-sweet. i like spice but only if i like the flavour! i'm not keen on the actual pain sensation of spice!!

Last thing I googled: hummmm i don't remember... i think a marinade recipe i made yesterday night? i made a korean base marinade for some lamb chops!! i cooked them today and invited my sister to eat with us, it was rlly yummy!

Relationship status: single! waves my aroace flag!!! i'm curious about how it feels to be in a relationship but it's not smth i try to actualize LOL i'm content w reading my shoujosei man-ga/hwa/huas <33

Current obsession: idk if i could call them obsessions yet but right now i'm really invested in sousou no frieren (anime only, havent caught up to the manga), skip to loafer (same there), and i'm looking for more wholesome healing stories. although now that i'm going through my reading lists for stories i've dropped, i'm laughing at them fjaksfjkasfj

(i promise this one has proper context bc i usually like pacifist mcs just bc i like politics and connection seeking to be based on a foundation of empathy and kindness. but this one was just so stupid and just a way to establish how good the mc was to the point that i couldn't get immersed in the story bc it was that nonsensical and i wanted to die)

i'm typically fine w mary sues / jane(?) FLs and i even tend to be biased for them just bc there's a lot of misogyny about the subject matter, so i normally don't bat an eye unless it's a writing choice i find unsuitable / doesn't fulfill the potential it could've achieved with an interesting plot.

(btw the context is that the first screenie which this rant also applies to was when some guy caught the baddies and the FL is like "No let's reward them for trying to kill us. they're just misunderstood!! i bet if we try really hard we can all get along!!")

but! i only really like it when it actually does something useful, like thematically or symbolically. like tohru's innate goodness for furuba inline with the sohma's family curse and mitsumi's unending positivity and earnestness that helps the people around her heal from emotional wounds. not that they're mary sues in any way, but since people understand mary sues as "female protagonists who can do no wrong and will be liked no matter what" (even thought their psychology and personality is just genuinely likeable), i think it makes my point clear. there's a way to write a character who is Good and Kind without cheapening them to a naivete that at best, makes the mc pitiable, or worst, is treated like the mc's totally unique worldview of "lets be nice to people and never hurt anyone ever :)" is the end all be all of the story and the solution to the plot. kindness and empathy is a coiled spring that projects you forward, a motivator. it's how you guide your hand and where it goes, not that the hand is never raised. i don't agree that cowardice towards change and the potential promise of conflict is any kind of wisdom >:T plus it kinda puts the shame to the idea of kindness as a legitimate basis for political strategy, and that leads to some set up for a lot of zero sum games i don't care for in this specific story. there is a good story where each character is trying to one up each other politically, psychologically, at all times, but this is not that story and so the tone feels very off kilter.

but yeah!! sometimes a character is just OP and the story is not even having fun with it (aka its not satire or irony), which makes me think they want to take it seriously. and my serious thoughts was that it sucked.

(i just realised this also applies to the first screenie LMFAO it just loops back huh!!)

not gonna comment about the others bc i think they speak for themselves <33 but also the first one of these three is fucked up in the sense that i dont even get where they're going w the story. its a revenge story and the FL uses the ML from childhood to achieve her revenge, but then suddenly when he's an adult she has Feelings for Him and now im like.... okay....? belief no longer suspended. beliefs are like those garter straps that snapped. my socks are like my beliefs. fallen to my feet. they are no longer suspended.

sorry that got off track </33 i enjoy looking into why i dont like things, im in this stage of life where i realise i actually have specific ass tastes!! i always have, but i just realised it very recently a few years back fjskfjskjf

People I'd like to know better (i also wanna include some mutuals who i haven't talked to but i like to see on my dash):

@snickerdoodlles

@fflewddurfflam7

@00uroboros

@perpetualstateofcrying

@pirate-with-internet-connection

💛🐢😤💪

#yuu rambles #thank you tex and this was rlly long sorry before i realised i've spent like 20 mins writing my rant about idealism JFAKSJFKASFJ #<3333

6 notes · View notes

bird-likes-to-fandom · 1 year

Text

Borough What Gave Me Birth (Friendliest Place on Earth)

Ao3 is down, so I'm posting this here! It's a newsies (Specifically uksies!) one-shot based on an idea/joke one of the ensemble actresses had for her newsie, Splint, dying after the rally. It features all of the Brooklyn girls, but mostly Splint, Scope, and Spot.

Enjoy!!!

The rally is over, the newsies have won, and Scope is almost ready to celebrate. Almost.

She hadn't wanted to come here at all. She hadn't wanted to risk her friends. She told Spot not to come — of course, Spot overruled that decision and came anyway (a little later than expected, but still came) and saved the day like she always did. Scope supposes that Spot's gut was right, because the other kids would have been up the river before you could say "strike" without Brooklyn.

Scope came to follow orders and protect her friends. She'd do anything for Spot, even when she didn't want to. And she had to look after the other girls. There weren't many of them, but the only person who watched them just as sharply as Scope did was Spot, and Spot had business to take care of.

When all is said and done and Brooklyn reunites with the addition of Stray's Manhattan brother and the infamous Racetrack Higgins (holding Joey's hand in one of his and Spot's hand in the other), Scope notices that one person is missing: Her bunkmate, Splint.

Alarm bells sound in her head. She interrupts whatever triumphant smiley conversation the other newsies are having to inform Spot about Splint, and they all run off to look for her.

It's not like Splint is defenseless. In fact, she fights well when she's not injured. It's just that she's always injured. The only time Scope has ever seen her completely healed was when she picked a fight with a boy who looked at Pips wrong, and she won the fight but fell on her face and rebroke her arm immediately after.

Spot, Joey, and Race come with Scope, and it takes them a while to find Splint, but eventually they locate her in the back of a dark alley, and she doesn't look so good.

Stray and her brother are already there, crouched over Splint. A dog is sitting next to Splint and resting its snout on her chest. Her broken arm is elevated and resting on the dog's back, except it's twisted the wrong way and bleeding profusely. There's a gash on the side of her face, from her cheek all the way to her neck. Stray is holding Splint's good hand in her own, telling her a story. Scope rushes in and takes her spot, trying not to cry.

"What the hell happened?" Spot asks, her voice cold as steel with rage. Spot's anger is never warm like fire or wet with tears, always cold as ice — or a blade.

"I got soaked," Splint croaks, and just hearing her speak was painful. Blood dribbles out of her mouth, and Scope wipes it with her sleeve.

"Two on one… no — no chance." She says.

"Im going to rip this city down brick by brick," Scope promises. "Let's get you back home." She says, trying to lift her friend up. Splint is limp in her arms, and seems to be fading far away. Scope stifles a sob and sits down, Splint draped over her knees.

"Hildy! Lucky! Ritz! Raf! Pips!" Spot calls to the rest of Brooklyn, who stand at the mouth of the alley. They run over and Pips hides in Rafaela's side when she sees Splint, and Hildy claps a hand over her mouth.

"Splint's hurt. Bad." Is all Scope can manage to say. She doesn't say that Splint might die right here in her arms partly because she doesn't want to scare Rafaela and Pips, who are the youngest of them, and partly because the child part of her brain reasons that if she doesn't put that thought into the world, it won't come true.

"Girls?" Splint asks weakly, and Scope gives her a squeeze as Spot assures her that they're all there.

"Stay with us, Splint, please stay." Scope murmurs.

"'m gonna be fine. C'mon, let's get to the… let's go home. Scope'll fix me right up again like always." Splint says. She tries to sit up but barely makes it halfway before falling back into Scope's lap. Scope cradles her head in her arms.

"It's alright. We don't hafta go anywhere just yet. I don't think it's such a good idea."

"Whatever you say, Scopey. Your gut's always right." Splint smiles and laughs to herself. "Except that one time. Remember when you thought — ow, ah, gee it hurts to talk —"

"When I thought there was a man outside of the lodge house and it was just one of Stray's dogs? Yeah, of course I do." Scope says quietly. She'd woken up after a particularly bad nightmare from her life on the streets and got paranoid about the noises outside. It was the only time she'd ever been wrong, and the other newsies wouldn't let her live it down. Especially not Splint, who she'd woken up in the middle of the night to warn. But Splint was also the only person Scope told about the nightmare, and had comforted her the rest of the night — even letting Scope climb into her bunk.

"That gave us all a good laugh," Stray chuckles.

"Don't let her forget." Splint coughs, and more blood spills out of her mouth.

"We won't." Spot promises. She's trying to hold it together. Scope can see it on her face. She's trying so hard to be strong for her girls, but what about herself? She needs to feel, too. Then again, Scope knows Spot doesn't like to feel. She thinks feelings get in the way of her purpose. Scope knows because she feels the same. She needs to be strong for Splint. She doesn't want to be a blubbering mess in her best friend's last moments.

"Don't go. You don't have to go, do you? You said I'd — You said I'd bring you home and fix you up. Maybe…" Scope whispers, but she trails off when Splint lifts a finger to her lips.

"I know what I said. But I ain't no fool, Scope. You know that."

"Oh, Splint…" Scope watches a tear fall from her own face onto Splint's and wills herself to stop crying. She remembers a story a young woman told her while she was on the streets about a girl crying onto her dying love — her tears had been magic, and brought her love back to life. That was a child's story, though, and Splint didnt magically heal.

"Don't let Ritz take my bunk and keep you up all night with her tapping and singing."

"Splint, don't talk like that…"

"I can talk… however I like, thank you very much."

"Damn right." Lucky says, and when Scope looks up at her, she's holding onto Ritz for dear life, who's covering her face and shaking.

"I —" Splint says and reaches out with her good arm before wincing and settling back down, looking more pained than before.

"It's okay, Splint. If it hurts, you can let go." Joey murmurs, moving forward to push Splint's hair out of her eyes.

Spot nods. "Brooklyn's here." Her voice trembles as she speaks.

"Loud and clear." Everyone repeats softly.

Splint smiles. "I love you all." She closes her eyes, and they don't open again. Each newsie come up and says their goodbyes, and Scope finally lets herself cry.

14 notes · View notes