#IM NOT GOING TO ABSOLVE HIM OF HIS ACTIONS BECAUSE OF WHAT HE WAS GOING THROUGH. BUT I *AM* GOING TO CHEER FOR HIS REDEMPTION ARC

[bizlybebo]

i want to say so bad that xyz character did nothing wrong but unfortunately they did in fact do Everything wrong

[slankyyy-vs-the-world]

Edit: I cleaned up this ramble I typed on my phone and polished some of my points to make more sense and generally to make my thoughts more coherent. Addendum: with the Miklan-Stans and Sylvain-Stans, of fucking course most woobiefication always share the same take of ‘Let’s blame Matthias for everything because he is the sole root of my Gautier Blorbo’s mental anguish hundred-fold!!!!’

I’m more lenient with fanon during the 3Houses era since at the time, the game didn’t even give Margrave Gautier a name, he was at most a vague concept left up to fill the blanks. When Hopes came out and we got more Matthias characterization and context for the situation of Gautier-Sreng, sucks that people chucked it all out of the window to just make the flattest interpretations ever. Which sucks because I absolutely adore Matthias as well (how Gautier enjoyers look when I roll up loving ALL Gautiers that is not just Sylvain) and he gets cartoonishly flattened to be this horrible awful abusive father in a Post-Hopes fandom.

Matthias is a man destroyed by loss; who believed in the same starry-eyed future that Lambert did, who tried to bring that future to fruition. Even after he lost not just the love of his life but his second unborn child in a violent raid by Sreng forces, Matthias still tried to broker peace with Sreng (methods of brokering peace were dubious since he brought home a child political hostage). He become cold and closoed off after his first wife died, doing a complete 180 in his personality from being a talkative and friendly guy to the Margrave who's fixated on ensuring the border is secured. After Lambert's death—it's clear that he gave up on ever reaching that lofty future Lambert got him to believe in. This man is deeply good to his friends, he's loyal to his country and shares a close bond with Rodrigue—but for the life of him, he cannot ever express how he truly feels to the point where Sylvain says that his true emotions/thoughts could fill a whole library. Matthias has completely closed himself off from other people, being dubbed as the Wall of Ice because of how little he lets people see of him; all to the detriment of his sons. Yet Matthias grieves, my god does he grieve deeply for Miklan—despite putting up an exterior of indifference, he wishes to avenge his death in Azure Gleam, Rodrigue comments how he holds so much regret for how Miklan turned out. He is also very aware that he has not been the greatest father, yet he cares deeply for Sylvain as well and sees so much of his younger self in him; it literally talks Rodrigue chasing after the man to get him to apologize to Sylvain.

Which that’s just really boring to reduce him from all of that nuance—because it cleans up the very messy family situation of House Gautier into nice clean boxes; people say that they love messy and complex families in media but then immediately jump to make the one character the villain while everyone else was a hapless victim of circumstance.

Yes, this criticism against Matthias fanon applies to Miklan content as well, same thing I said about Matthias fanon pre-Hopes era also applies here too. Disclaimer for Miklan: he ultimately made his own choices and actions—Miklan could’ve and should’ve made better choices instead of trying to murder Sylvain and abuse him for all of their childhoods. Again, I cannot stress this enough—that doesn’t negate his horrible actions of choosing to abuse Sylvain, choosing to blame Crests™️ (and ironically, choosing to allow himself to be defined by Crests), choosing to become a brigand and burn down villages for fun.

Miklan and Sylvain are both two sides of the narrative coin that demonstrates how the influence of Crests amongst the nobility are deeply detrimental to Faerghus and Fodlan. It's a lot more fair to lean into Miklan's worst traits because he doesn't have any good qualities in Houses (aside from being a capable commander) and Sylvain mostly talks/downplays about how Miklan's severe abuse towards him. But at the same time, I don’t think Miklan was exempt from the same aspect as Sylvain in regards to Matthias’s extreme devotion to serving his duty as Margrave nor is it totally fair to compare Miklan to Caspar (an Imperial noble whose House does not have any duty to defend a hostile border) and Holst (a Leicester noble whose House does has a border to defend, who has Fodlan's throat to help fend off that hostile border unlike Gautier, and Leicester not having as harsh terrain as Faerghus does).

People who talk like Crests™️ held a gun to Miklan’s head and made him do all of those things are dumb!!! And I do not Like that take at all!!! But there has to be some middle ground between a) Miklan was a helpless victim of circumstance who cannot be responsible for his actions or b) Miklan was just a horrible person and his circumstances don't matter at all since similar guys like Caspar and Holst werent well-shoving brigand brothers. I think there's merit in exploring how House Gautier was shaped by military necessity to defend a hostile border and Matthias’s grief about losing his beloved wife, had helped shaped Miklan for the worse rather than taking one of those two extremes. Say what you want about Hopes, but I’d argue that the writing for the Gautier family and the other two men of Gautier is way more interesting than the scraps we got from Houses actually. Like guys, guys—the fact that none of the men of the Gautier family have a clear cut figure who is the most 'moral' or even can be whole-hardheartedly be considered a 'good' person, that's what makes all three of some super compelling and interesting actually. Their family situation is so scarred by external factors such as the being able to defend a hostile border from a foreign invading force, being raised in the most desolate locations of all of Fodlan, being a House founded by a military need who's passed down the job for 200 years, needing any advantage they get to do that job effectively—and all three of the Gautier men choosing to pick the worst possible choices in their shared yet respective shit situations to cope? Way more compelling than just making one of the two Gautier men the certified Cause™ and/or making Crests™ the sole cause. In conclusion? Free my man, he DID do all of that—that’s why I find him interesting.

Honestly, speaking as one of the fifteen Miklan fans on here, I think it’s objectively funnier if Miklan-Fans and Miklan-Haters cannot be told apart in the same way that Sylvain-Haters and Sylvain-Fans cannot be told apart. Like, the more I look at the two of them - the people stanning these guys aren’t actually that different with how they stan their respective Gautier blorbo:

Both respective Gautier sons gets reduced to helpless woobies who he’s a victim of the Crests™️, therefore he can NEVER actually be held accountable for any of his destructive actions towards others, it’s 100% solely someone else’s fault that he’s just like this (Sylvain with Miklan & Miklan with Matthias) disregarding personal agency, and both get used as no.1 talking points in the fe3h MMA power slap fights

Personally as someone who adores both of them, it’s hilarious to read through a post dogging on Miklan and/or Sylvain, agreeing with most - if not all of the points made that conclude that he ruined his own life with his own shitty actions, and proceeding to boot up tomodachi life where I enrich my Miklan and Sylvain miis with cool jackets, interiors and yummy food. Honestly, Miklan’s and Sylvain’s shitty actions and shitty behaviour is what makes both deeply interesting characters, but sucks that people wanna make them into sopping wet webkinz plushies.

[enbysiriusblack]

rereading snape's worst memory:

severus is writing A LOT more than the other students around him, so like. he probably does try super hard in all his exams, but defence is clearly one of his favourites i think from this. like he's writing super small and still filling out a lot of the parchment, so he's got a lot to say about the subject, plus he's writing like really fast without stopping

if james is only a short distance away from severus and sirius is in the same row as james, does this mean exam tables aren't set up in alphabetical order? people just sit where they want or something? weird

james' hair is described as messy like 5 times by harry. i don't think we focus on that enough.

girl, pay attention to your exam. we get he's hot, but damn

remus, you're good at dada, stop worrying sm about it. u got this mate

peter having exam anxiety is soooo canon i swear. also i'm giggling at him trying to cheat

doodler!james >>>> also harry not clocking his own mum's initals is kinda sad

ooh guys, should i make stebbins (he's a guy who doesn't put down his quill and continues writing after the exam finishes so flitwick calls him out) florence's boyfriend?? should i actually give 'boyfriend' a name???

honestly, other than the weird seating plan, this is so accurate to gsce exams. like turning around just to do a face or hand gesture to your friend a few seats away when the teacher's not looking? someone always writing after they tell you to stop? laughing at the teacher? waiting for your friends to discuss the paper straight away? its so real

these guys are incapable of being serious. they are all so fucking sarcastic. i love it.

why's severus still enthralled in his exam for???? it's over mate, go fucking relax

unrequited prongstail is real (also james' nicking a snitch?? he's such a weirdo)

severus!! harry literally was describing you as super pale and like you never go in the sunlight.. and then you go and sit in the shade?? it's early summer in scotland, it's not gonna be that fucking hot.

poly marauders are canon? (they were just described as being a foursome)

handsome just keeps getting added to any description of sirius. might start doing this in my fics /j

this is making me realise how canonly accurate the personalities of the marauders are in my fic (i'm only cryptic and machiavellian), and i love that for me

yeah unrequited prongstail is def canon omfg.

"sirius was the only person for whom james would stop showing off". james doesn't need to show off for sirius, because he knows sirius will always be there for him and give him attention anyway aww

remus and james both trying to think up solutions as soon as sirius says he's bored?? i'm giggling.

peter must have been sooo dissapointed that sirius and james stopped hexing people as often... his fav entertainment. gone.

okay i swear i've read this like loads of times before but i never actually realised sirius 'barking with laughter' was how he canonly laughs, i always just write that to be funny, i didn't know it was canon

james constantly looking over at the girls by the lake. like mate, she didn't notice or care about you throwing a snitch in the air but i don't think bullying her friend is any better. like yeah it gets her attention but is that really the kind of attention you want?? oh, you'll take any attention you can get from her? okay, right, fine

peter edging... IM SORRY

"i was watching him" OKAY,, snirius enjoyers are eating today

*smugly grinning* i KNEW james' hair fidgeting thing was an anxious/nervous habit I TOLD YOU ALL

lily's hair is dark red!!! just in case anyone forgot!!

i love remus. disagree with your friend's actions? don't worry! u can always just pretend you're so enthralled in your book you don't even notice what they're doing! just look the other way and you're totally absolving yourself and your friends from any guilt!

i feel like james asked lily out only once before this. like in fourth year of maybe just a couple months before this, and like in a proper fairly private, giving her flowers, asking timidly (well as timid as he can be), and she responded in a fairly similar way to here. so james asking here, is like trying to resolve his own feelings of embarassment about the rejection ig?

lily smiling!!!! oh she's such a cunt i love her (ofc james and sirius are bigger cunts ofc!!!) like girl that's your damn friend getting 'pantsed'. although ig like. it was kinda a norm thing to like do it TO your own friends soo hmm. (btw i put 'pantsed' in brackets since it's not pantsing, like. the point is that severus isn't wearing pants, he's wearing robes. it's robesing...)

sirius and james are too wuss to duel lily <333 cause she'd thrash them <333 (they totally duelled her before and got their arses kicked)

oh severus... u suck so bad... just cause she found you getting robesed funny doesn't mean u should go call her slurs wtf man

go off lily okayyy. her insults/jokes hit harder than all of sirius' ngl (ily sirius you're still funny and got good insults i swear!!)

okay personally lily, i don't think someone who shows off and hexes people who annoy him (which is. maybe just in my opinion) majoritively people who are bigoted/do dark magic, and then someone who calls their supposed best friend a slur in front of like half their peers are as bad as each other...

^also james!! omg mate she noticed you showing off with your snitch and messing your hair up!!! (also furthering my proof that he does it as a nervous act cause he's all nervous around her so does it more often and she just thinks he's showing off)

sirius, now is not the time for your brutal honestly. like that's so real of you and i suffer from the same infliction but still..

[ceruleanblueshells]

You are not going to like season 3, because it is going to completely absolve Lestat of any guilt during trial. If you actually try to watch for details in episode 7 you will see bruises on Lestat and episode 8 literally showed that a lot of what you saw during both seasons was manipulated by Armand (through mind control). If you stay with your current mindset, oh, you really won't like season 3

I mean, I don't know. I really don't like Lestat because he hurt claudia and disregarded her abuse and hurt her with those memories, even before the trial when they were living together. I get it, he confessed he felt guilty and yada yada, but that was always in regard of his actions towards louis. Even in the end, he only saved louis ( which, don't get me wrong, im glad. I love louis ) . But I don't think any amount of explanation in s3 will make me forgive him for how he treated claudia ( Although I never noticed the bruises in ep 7 !!)

[fancifulplaguerat]

ough okay I want to talk about Daniil’s motivations because it is so very fascinating to me, and I think he’s honestly the most hopeful character of the three despite being so him all the time

Granted it seems left to the player (at least in Patho Classic) whether Daniil is afraid of death. When Peter accuses him of being afraid of it in Daniil’s route, he can either say “Well, no I don’t [fear death], but go on...” or “And you don’t?” Yet given how he behaves absent of the player’s control and in The Marble Nest, I don’t really think Daniil is afraid of death beyond what is kind of unavoidable but virtue of being a mortal human being. And speaking of I really do think Daniil’s character is the most painfully human in a lot of ways, especially his hopefulness/tendency towards grand ideals  

For instance, Daniil claims that he wants to “defeat death,” and yet is openly skeptical and even scornful towards Georgiy’s claims that Simon has never been ill/wounded/etc., saying “I do not doubt that your brother could fight death like no other, but there was not and could not be an immortal man!” and that Daniil uses his infamous “fighting death” phrasing makes me think he’s more focused on extending human life more than anything, which he alludes to when speaking to Lara on Day 6: “it's entirely possible that my victory award would be a discovery that'll prolong human life from 60-70 years to a hundred.”

This interests me because it seems Daniil does have plausible, achievable goals, but he also constantly talks about defeating/fighting/destroying death utterly, and his attitude towards the Polyhedron suggests that he has is drawn towards idealism and has a tendency towards lofty goals, which I think derive from his intense sense of hope, responsibility, and belief in his own abilities.

That is, in the Marble Nest (which is my absolute favorite characterization of Daniil) I get the sense that Daniil has an extremely strong locus of control, and so sees almost everything that goes on around him as his responsibility. In MN he repeatedly tells Aspity that he can still fix it, and says to death itself “It’s all right. It’s all right. There is still a chance to fix everything,” lines which are absolutely heartbreaking to me because we know he’s straight up dying, and yet he’s still fighting and fighting.

And not only is the theme of fighting extremely prevalent in Daniil’s characterization, but he is the character that has numerous dialogue options to insist that people keep hope. For instance, he can say “there’s always hope” to Georgiy, and “hope lives forever” to Eva. And in Clara’s route, Eva tells Clara that Daniil “says we have to fight... To hope for the impossible until the very end.” AFHFKJKK !!!! IM WRETCHING. And the fact that Daniil is labeled as a fighter/destroyer in my mind makes him a model of human perseverance, and gives him an intense drive not to give in.

ALSO. “It allows us a hope of possibility that some false-truths of our ill-fated epoch might be overthrown. It is a delicate fortress that holds veritable proof that however well-established our notions of possibility are, they still fail to account for what may or may not exist. This is the bastion I am willing to fight for.” I think these lines when Daniil chooses to save the Polyhedron reveal so much about his character, especially regarding his fierce pushback against taking things as they are, and instead believing in possibility (hope). And I feel that’s crucial for Daniil’s character—challenging what’s possible.

Plus for all Daniil’s snake bitch from the Capital moments he does really seem like he wants to help people, especially in Artemy’s route/The Marble Nest. He even says “I’m sorry if I came across as condescending. I only want to help. Remember how you helped me when I was running circles in the dark?” and no this does no absolve him from his bastardry, but this combined with his actions shows to me that he really does want to do good, a theme especially present in the Marble Nest as he’s trying so hard to help everyone, and even intends to shoot himself when he gets in the presence of the two carriers; like he’s willing to end it all to protect other people. There’s even a part where he talks about needing to protect the people he said he would (I think in Clara’s route?).

He just. he does care, and he tries hard to do the right thing; when Artemy asks him who he can look in the face on Day 12, and Daniil can say “I don’t know... I did everything I could" god it makes me want to lie down and bang my fists on the floor

All that to say I really don’t think he’s motivated by a fear of death. I think he has some fear of it, given that he drinks himself absolutely silly when he thinks the Inquisitor will kill him, but I don’t think that’s what motivates him. I imagine instead that Daniil is an intense idealist who really wants to help others and believes that if he fights hard enough he can do it, no matter the circumstances around him, which can lead him towards utopianism and lofty ideals that just aren’t possible.

Okay that’s the end of my ability to articulate coherently I’m going to just start screaming now

[youabandonedthem]

oh yeah i agree that it would be a complete accident i was just talking about the hypothetical situation where one of them absolutely had to get pregnant no matter what. i find it interesting that you say droog would get an abortion immediately while slick would carry it around for a while can you elaborate on that. why wouldn’t slick just get an abortion too

i will refrain to comment on the scnario where they have to choose which one becomes pregnant because i just cant envision it.. im thinking that there are two separate dimensions where either one is able to get pregnant and these dimensions are the setting of the question. so it would be more up to us for which world should be explored rather than up to them.

the main difference is that droog has a fixation on his appearance both in terms of physical appearance and public perception. this is obvious so it needs not be elaborated on in detail. he quickly fixes any issue that occurs with his body and absolves himself of imperfections. He doesn't think it'll do at all for a male like him to be seen with child. meanwhile Slick is vastly different in that he seems to function in a rather insectoid manner and acts only to attend to matters which occur on the immediate physical plane. even when he underwent various physical transformations (into a dog... the strange catlike form...) he didn't seem to express any kind of strong opinion on the changes while still acknowledging them and adjusting his actions according to his new capabilities. which is why i believe if he became pregnant he would act the same way. He could undergo various physical experiences/changes and understand that this is something new happening, to which he must adjust himself, and his only mental goal would be finding ways to deal with it. when he finds out how to physically deal with each new symptom that arises with the pregnancy he becomes satisfied and moves on to a new goal. this is essentially the cycle of his entire life and the life of each version of himself. so even though he's fully aware of it i don't believe he would truly care that there is a lifeform growing inside of him and only tends to his physical experience and symptoms. even the crew would care about his pregnancy and begin trying to be aware of and tend to his new needs (in their own individual ways) more than he consciously cares to do for himself. kind of like when a cat is pregnant and just keeps running and jumping around and you have no insight into what is going on in its mind. this is why he would continue to drink and why he wouldn't care when it miscarries. the most he would think about it is afterwards, when he notes that he now has some relief from the physical symptoms he had been experiencing, and he internalises that being pregnant causes these symptoms in him and he therefore mentally files it as an inconvenience. however it changes nothing and he will soon become pregnant again only to miscarry again and continue the cycle. are you satisfied with my explanation or will you keep hassling me with more of your questions.

[piratefishmama]

im the one who sent the ask about billy being a bully outside the mains.

i'm not the same person who was doing whatever other bs

i saw someone in your replies talking about him being abused and whatever else, as if it erased his other behaviour.

so i wasnt talking about you forgetting, i was talking about other people forgetting, especially his stans.

his stans will try and justify every action he's done that has negatively impacted other people. they'll find justification for his treatment of max, steve, the other kids. but that is something that I've never seen them touch on, because there no way they can stretch whatever they try to use to absolve him of everything to this kid he targetted.

im sorry if it came across in a bad way, but I was agreeing with your post, its just an offshoot thought I had from it. that little fat kid isn't one of eddies, but he is proof that billy is a bully. if he was okay with bullying a kid in front of witnesses at his job, he would have absolutely been fine with bullying people at school unless he got put in his place, like as you said in your post about Eddie doing

Oh sorry for being defensive! Anons always get me a little eeehhh after someone's been acting out.

Oh god that must have been the other person in the replies, didnt read it! just insta blocked from the notification cause they were out there bragging abt how they could still see stuff 🤣

idc what you have to say if you're out here being a dipshit for no good reason. and a 'neh-neh-ne-neh nehhh' post is just ridiculously immature. Let people have fun on the internet for gods sake they're fictional characters, people can HC whatever they want it doesnt hurt you.

But yeah abuse doesnt excuse anything, he was a dipshit of the highest order.

So many teachers back in my day claimed 'you dont know what's going on in their homes' whenever i'd complain about bullies, school never doing anything about it.

Violence is sometimes the only language they speak, which sucks but alas, put them in their place and they stay away for a bit. it's a tested method and unfortunately it works. They know they cant fuck with you, or in Eddie's and my case, your friends without reprocussion and a concussion is a pretty decent reprocussion.

Billy was only there for a year and a bit before he died, I broke a bullies nose in highschool for picking on a friend of mine and we both got left alone for two years so lmao, timeline seems abt right to me.

and honestly how else could he successfully gather and protect weird freshmen, if he didnt have a proven 'THIS BITCH IS FERAL' reputation?

[maespri]

im sorry if i implied that it was you who stated that it was ryuji's fault, i meant in the story. ryuji was the one who was compelled to apologize to morgana for the whole debacle.

iirc here is what happened. thieves are doubting, discuss okumura, back to doubting, ryuji questions their hesitance, ryuji backs down, morgana scoffs at the team AND THEN insults ryuji.

morgana insults ryuji after he was outnumbered and outvoted and leaves. how was i supposed to interpret that scene other than morgana lashing out at specifically ryuji?

and then it was framed as ryuji's fault?

if we're going to go back to the flashback scene, that was just ryuji's foot in his mouth, he didn't mean anything by it.

another point is that when morgana was the navigator, most of his lines for ryuji are either condescending or insulting.

we could have had another chie-yosuke or junpei-yukari dynamic for ryuji and morgana, as that was what their roles seemingly were subverting the male-female dynamic the previous persona games had were both characters are equal in insulting each other as some sort of banter (chie-yosuke) or taking things in stride and if it was serious would stop (junpei-yukari) but no morgana just can't help but add a snide remark every chance he gets at ryuji.

this is the last i want to touch on this topic, because seriously. i’m not here for discourse on a video game cat.

while i do appreciate your apology, the reason ryuji is the one who apologizes to mona is because he’s the one who keeps pushing mona away every time the phantom thieves get closer to getting him back home. mona literally would not have wanted to come back if ryuji didn’t apologize, sooo.

once again, you’re needlessly separating ryuji from the group. morgana snapped at all of them.

as i just said, it’s framed as “ryuji’s fault” because when they have the chance to get mona back in their group, ryuji pushes him away again instead of trying to fix things. and that’s not me trying to push blame onto ryuji for everything that morgana does- like i’ve been saying for the past two posts, it’s a two-way street- but in this scenario, it quite literally was his fault that he had too much pride to apologize and instead continued to fan the flames.

also, excuse me? saying that flashback was just ryuji’s foot in his mouth is crazy. like… did ryuji tell you that? that’s a completely opinionated statement. i could say everything mona says was just because he had his foot in his mouth. doesn’t hold up at all.

most of mona’s navigation lines for ryuji are backhanded, yes. but once again, i fail to understand why you’re continuing to use mona’s insulting ryuji as an argument when ryuji repeatedly insults mona as well. like i keep saying over and over: it is a two way street.

the chie-yosuke and junpei-yukari argument isn’t really applicable here in my opinion. both of the mentioned are close friends and were friends prior to the start of the game. they clearly don’t have any ill-intent behind any of their actions. the same isn’t true for mona and ryuji; sure, the writers could’ve followed the same dynamic previous games had, but they didn’t. because they weren’t trying to at all.

allow me to say this one more time: it is not just mona who can’t help being snide to ryuji. it’s ryuji who can’t help being snide toward mona as well. your complete absolving of any fault toward ryuji is hurting your argument. im not trying to make ryuji out to be some sort of monster and mona to be completely innocent; both are wildly untrue. but you have to realize that both characters are flawed and both characters are worsening their relationship.

i’m done having this argument. like i said at the beginning, i am not trying to be a beacon for video game cat discourse. you’re entitled to your opinion; i’m not required to repeatedly defend my ideas against it. have a great day.

[tweeks]

its funny because im not trying to insinuate that ive never had a moment where i related to cartman or thought he was funny or felt bad for him im human too— shocking i know! i just think its odd how cartman could do the most blatantly outright evil diabolical senselessly cruel thing ever and people would find a way to absolve him of any responsibility or guilt when cartman doesn’t even feel bad like at that point i think you are using cartman as a vector to process your guilt and feelings about your own bad actions and whatever i understand that but. you aren’t eric cartman and you dont have to defend him to try and rationalize Why you did what you did sometimes we as people can just be bad and its ok!its alright to explore why we did the bad thing and what lead us to be the way we were but if im honest i dont think that projecting onto a character who was created solely to never learn from his actions is going to make you feel better? i think its just going to make you more resistant to change because you can always explain away any consequences because shame is a hard emotion to process and humans will always try to find a way around it and that’s normal i just think it’s important to call a spade a spade

[ask-serendipity-sky]

https://www.tumblr.com/ask-serendipity-sky/736230087421231104/bro-im-a-jimin-biased-well-idk-if-i-should-call?source=share

Why do we have to dismiss all of JK's actions just because we think he might be Jimin's boyfriend. He's still an individual in his own right who makes his own decisions. Just because he's a member of BTS, a group I've always admired or because he's part of jikook, a relationship dynamic I'm fond of, does that mean he's absolved of any and all actions?

I agree with anon a little on one point. By itself, just the existence of JK's insane promo isn't something that harms Jimin. Mostly I use it as a yardstick to compare what Jimin got. However there are points where's it's very obvious they're downplaying Jimin specifically for JK such as the certifications. The lack of stocking of LC cd's. The way they clearly only pushed JK, New Jeans and Txt for awards in the west. The fact that a fanbase that we know is run by Hybe employees (a common enough phenomenon in KPop) has been biased as hell towards JK compared to the other members is also true. Did JK go and tell Hybe that he wanted Jimin to be sabotaged? No of course not. But he's benefitting from it.

Also has everyone gotten collective amnesia? Let's put aside the unfairness of it all. I haven't forgotten that JK very happily collaborated with 🛴 in spite of his rep. BTS have talked about not taking shortcuts before and that's something we used to admire about them. That legacy has been destroyed by JK. If that's not a big deal to anon then fine but some of us used to hold that up as a standard because BTS explicitly made it a standard.

I get that JK is very cute and adorable and his lives are funny and entertaining. He's not some Disney villain who hates Jimin or the other members. But just because you like him doesn't mean you pretend he isn't a - wait what did armys call Olivia Rodrigo and BP so liberally, oh yes - an industry plant. Its unfortunate but in many ways he's the face of the sabotage that Jimin faced. It's uncomfortable but it is what it is.

It's fair to hold Jimin semi accountable too for the perceived lack of action in advocating for himself. It's just that many of us know the history of how artists are suppressed by their labels. JK made a business decision for himself to avoid this for himself. Good for him I guess.

Hi anon,

Very good points. I agree with most of them.

I've repeated in the past that there some issues where we can blame the company, some where we can blame Jk, and it's important to differentiate which are which.

As jkkrs shouldn't we/they wonder why Jk agreed to Seven even though it would affect his boyfriend? This is where personal and business matters collide and I want to think that someone other than me thinks that's a horrible boyfriend move. It doesn't make sense to dismiss this action because Jk IS Jimin's boyfriend.

Everything else, is a business move and a company/Scooter that wanted money and Jk was the chosen one.

But we don't know why exactly the company mistreats Jimin so I cannot hold him accountable because his own label is shitty.

Thank you for sharing.

[away-ward]

Got some points to share :) What i dont understand the most is the fandom's hypocrisy of demanding emmy to be so accommodating to will despite her circumstances (even in the present) as if he was not one of the MOST PRIVILEGED WHITE MAN in his town or county, and most of the shit he got into was his own fault. He had old money WEALTH. Old. Money. Wealth. And he was also supported by the society AND institution, how is the fandom making him look like HE was the one who suffered most here? So much wealth that emmy didnt have, and yet he never spent a single cent to contact her again even after he saw her bruised and bloodied, yet the fandom expected her to come back to him? Like this guy prioritised his hurt feelings over her rejection rather than her ACTUAL HEALTH AND SAFETY knowing that nobody in that town gave a fuck about her at all. Will can spend all his inheritance and his mommy and daddys money on booze, alcohol, parties, sex parties, women, escort services, big cars, helicopter rides, YET he couldnt be there for emmy? Not even a call? A free email? Right. Sorry, but emory scott always deserves better to me, not will grayson. If i was emory, i woudve hurt her more ngl, im kinda vengeful with whiny bitches like will grayson. I cant stand him. I just knew that the reason why this fandom likes to pile on emmy because: 1. she admitted her fault and took responsibility of her actions unlike will, 2. She made it clear he didnt owe her anything (even when will himself said he shouldve staye) and didnt think she was entitled to will unlike will to emmy, 3. Its easier to sympathise over a sad white privileged guy after everything he did or didnt do to "his woman" because RoMaNce where if they can read about him simping about her in his mind, he was immediately ABSOLVED OF ALL GUILT AND WRONGDOINGS TO EMMY. But the devils night fandom is not ready for this take. Also because 4. when they said they like dark romance, they can only take shitty men like michael and damon, but hate it when the sex and gender was the opposite. My point is, its dark romance, if will can be shit, why cant emmy? Period. I dont even care if they get even at that point.

Thanks to this fandom, i thought about alex, this useless side character more than i had to so i had to. I'm also an alex hater through and through and i agree with a lot of anon and your points about alex here. In fact, i love the alex slander actually because putting aside some valid criticisms about how a lot of twitter dn fans are just misogynistic towards her because of their bias towards emmy, there are actually a lot of valid points why alexs character was just icky and you and that anon are the only ones that i have seen so far that have the same take as me. They like to dismiss our takes with "oh its an emory scott fans thats why, its the jealousy" like huh? First of all, why didnt yall talk about wills hypocrisy of sleeping around with everyone in a skirt but was jealous as fuck of damon and aydin bonds with emmy? Yeah, right. Second of all, even emory can be rational when willalex were giving her shit, just because emmy was emotional in those moments, doesnt mean she was irrational. She was literally kidnapped to an abandoned island with no one there to help her and will made it clear he didnt give a fuck about her and reminded her how she was nothing to him. Alex who was supposedly her "friend" wanted her to stay and help will as if she had no other job and responsibilities outside of will. Why would she stay? Shes not even rich, she gotta go back home and pay her bills. Stupid argument honestly. Tbh, My dislike for alex was not even because of her relationship with Will. They both owed emmy nothing, even em knew this. A big part of the fandom hates alex because of this willalexs take but i personally dont agree with this take tbh. Instead of blaming alex on this, the argument between alexemmy started because it was on will, and even aydin to a certain extent, for being a fucking loser of a man, and for pitting two women against each other.

But i also wanna just say to these people who defended alex palmer so much: lets not act as if alex never had a history of laughing at other women when SHE was being put on a pedestal, instead of someone else (especially with michael to rika in corrupt, and damon to winter in kill switch) either. Like rika, banks, winter, and alexs relationship started with misogyny. LIKE LITERALLY. Only alexemmys relationship started with a bonding OUTSIDE of being pitted against one another no matter how weird the circumstances was. Even then, theyre still just on acquaintances level yk. And i feel like alex felt challenged and angry at emmy in nightfall because she thought emmy was better than her (alex chose to believe because her shallow world had not allowed her to think about anything else as long as it justified her anger. She also probably was jealous and look at emmys situation and think emmy didnt have to do anything but all these men were going to jail for her, suddenly being her brothers and protective of her, bonding with the guys or smth like that, and later have access to so much wealth, ad compared to her who had been an escort etc., yet still she had nothing. Its totally irrationally personal, her anger towards emmy was not rational at all). Its the jealousy and inferiority speaking tbh.

Look at the way aydins ex, rika, banks, thunders bay people etc. talk to her? Like shit. Whether its in front or behind her back. Now did this misogyny happened for alexemmy's friendship? Nope! Best girl Emory Scott thats right! Even rika, banks and winter had slutshamed alex and other women with various degrees, but look at the way emmy talk about sex workers? (These girls too grew up with so much isogyny so understandably, they had to unlearn and relearn a lot. Theyre so different in nightfall, love that for them tbh). Like heavens and earth and i think its easier for people like alex to accept being treated like shit because unhealthy female relationship and rivalry was what she was always used to, and she always had to be the person to initiate being the "cool girl who'll just roll with everything", especially with her relationship with banks) that when she found a healthy and supportive female friend that didnt start like shit, and would ACTUALLY take her side instead of their man (will or aydin), she was kinda shocked and became stupid, not knowing how to react to it in a kinder manner. Its like a defense mechanism. Alex never rose her voice to rika, banks and winter, unlike what she did to emmy and its because she probably never felt challenged by them because their men still paid for her services so what can these women do much to her really + she never saw aydin took interest in them like he did with emmy (disregarding the manipulation aside, im trying to make people understand her possible pov). This is why woman should have healthy female relationships! No one wants to be like corrupt rika, pre-marriage banks/ winter and nightfall alex! No one wants to admit that alex too, just everyone else, had internalised misogyny. I dont think anyone ever noticed the nuances really, alex hid it too well, but it shone through in her lowest moments unlike emmy. Because when emmy was at her lowest, she never humiliate alex to step on her like what alex did to emmy in blackchurch or on the train, but emmy straight up attack will (verbally) because why would she attack alex? Will was the one who hurt emmy not alex. But aydin attacked alex, and its emmys fault that alexs man was shitty? She was so wrong for that. Emmy never even shame her throughout nightfall, so this only highlights how different emmy's character in this series. Ngl, i think only Emory is the true girls' girls in this series. *Side note, Alexaydin, sigh... such fucking cowards this couple tbh.

Wasnt it also mentioned in conclave that alex had a fall out with her ex's roommate and then she was labelled "the slut" as if the three of them were not being stupid horny college students together, but alex was the only person who be the bad guy. That must have caused a lot of resentment in her because then she just became an escort not only to support her education and lifestyle, but also to use it against aydin. How does that even compare to emmy's pain, honestly! Theyre literally not the same and the fandom always like to dismiss em's pain just because em looked at her highly even when the text in the books shows otherwise. Alex couldve quit her job anytime now, she didnt need the money anymore, she did it for personal fun, sexual liberation and revenge against aydin. And now that when she went through the SAME THING that she did to other women by laughing at them and got treated like shit back, wow suddenly, emmys seen as a bitch? Huh? Emmy never even laughed at her face or looked down on her unlike others, not even once in nightfall unlike rika, banks or even winter, so i believe alexs stupid shit in nightfall was really out of inferiority complex and jealousy. Like "shes better than me thats why i had to put her down" kinda complex. The hypocrisy was too much but i dont think anyone really noticed this. Thats why alexs character was shit to me because her arc was so??? Where did this misogyny came from? But then when i think again and piece her story from the start, it made sense because to a certain extent, alex probably had looked down at all these rich people (including women bcs if her ex roommate) with their rich problems and then she met emmy, who didnt fit in with these stereotypes she had about people of thunder bay, and she had heard a lot of good things about em from will prob, so her sex worker card that she likes to use against these people suddenly dont work anymore because she realised that she wasnt the only one suffering. She cant best her, so in her moment of anger, she had to step over emmy in front of everyone but really, it just proves how nasty of a person she is and shownhow ugly her jealousy can be. Thats why she couldnt argue back with emmy after. She fucked up, but no one really noticed this because her misogyny wasnt so blatant like those in corrupt, hideaway and kill switch. What i also dont understand is how she always talk as if she was a victim EVERY. DAMN. TIME. Her speeches in corrupt, conclave and nightfall just solidified alexs characterisation. I cant stand her tbh, all of alexrika conversations really rot my brain lmao, because they always give these two stupid friends talking about eveyrthing and nothing vibes.

Since this is dark romance, i can understand if pd wants to put a character like alex, or any women really to be shit, but alexs fans didnt have to act like the annoyance towards her was because people cant stand willalex, as if alex herself was a snow white who can do no wrong or something, when she was proven that she did, was shitty sometimes. Like her mary sue character was even worse than rika 😭🤣 And the thing is, if everyone, even emmy, was so morally righteous, none of them would be the horsemens family. The fact that these women are their partners, everyones already guilty just by association, like what emmy said to alex in the train. So why put alex or anyone from dn, on such a high pedestal so much? (Alex is kinda Like kai in her morally right shit, but she just got more fleck for it). Even i admit that emmy wasnt always a nice girl either but i wasnt delusional like alex and her fans tbh. Ugh, so annoying. Hopefully the bonus contents we're gonna get by pd soon only has exclusive willemmy contents for willemmy. or i will riot!!

Yeah, some of the readers need to re-evaluate their perspective. But I really don’t want to convince anyone to see things my way so…

hopefully they stay wherever they’re at. As I’ve said before, I haven’t involved myself with any of the discourse or in-fighting in the fandom, so I’m not sure what they’re arguing over, but it sounds like a waste of energy and time. I mean, I get it’s willemmy vs willalex, but…like. Ugh could you imagine making that the center of your fandom experience? Horrible.

You make a good point about the start of the friendship between Alex and Emory. I’ve never been…happy (?) with how it started, because it involved Alex making a whole lot of assumptions about Emory and being right…because she’s Alex and she’s always right…of course. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be Alex. And then to have that be the one night they spend with each other, and suddenly Alex understands Emory like no one else. She gets her.

How?

Oh, right. It’s Alex. Enough said.

The idea that Alex couldn’t process anything that challenged her justifications for her anger because that would mean she’s wrong about something. It would be an actual flaw on her part. And that her feelings for Emory were borne a bit of jealousy. I’d have like if her character and went farther in that direction.

I think for my part, I always considered Alex’s main motive toward Emory was knowing that Will was still in love with her and that Emory had the power and ability to hurt him as she had before. She was protective of Will – “her reflection.” It’s nice to see another possibility/side of it. You make a good point. I guess I never considered Alex feeling inferior to Emory. Emory’s background being different from the people she’s surrounded herself with, to then see Emory rise above that and carry on, leaving Will behind like she probably saw Aydin rejecting her, and suddenly seeing the way Will and Aydin react to Emory might have made her feel small and like a stand-in, which she is for so many.

I agree that it’s a little out of bounds to compare Alex’s pain with Emory’s.

You said she couldn’t argue back with Emory and I’m not sure of the moment you’re talking about but the first thing that came to mind was “that’s my shirt”…like, girl. Girl. Are we being that pathetic right now? But yeah. Alex’s “justified” anger was weak. And her framing herself as the victim was annoying.

“If everyone, even emmy, was so morally righteous, none of them would be the horsemen’s family.” Yeah, exactly.

I had to put the book down and take a deep breath with Rika said “I had to remind myself we weren’t really criminals.” Or something like that. Excuse me, ma’am, but what? You’re not what now? Have you not been paying attention? You cannot erase the last three-to-four years.

Alex is like Kai in her moral superiority is not a take I thought I’d ever see but…there it is. Nice to see they have something in common.

I didn’t know we were getting any bonus content but you’re the second person who’s told me. I hope we get something good for NF.

[palant1r]

(Sorry for sending so many asks I’ll just keep my live-blogging to this one for now..)

OH!! So it doesn’t have anything to do with lights death after all?!

oOHHHHHH MATSUDAS MENTAL HEALTH GETS A 10/10 FOR ITS DIVE!! Jesus Christ get this man some therapy!! Also does he hate eating because food reminds him of lights corpse?

And yesss, matsuda getting even more agency of his own and finally realizing he can’t just leave this to someone else wooooh!!!

Maybe it’s too much to expect a guy who chalked up years of living to just being a dream to be good at managing time in his head but it has DEFINITELY been more than 15 days. There’s no way he memorized and became so depressed in just 3 days. Also, we still haven’t seen the ‘matsuda writes lights name in the deathnote’ hypothesis, wonder when that’ll come up!

Ohhhh. Matsuda takes away lights agency in his crimes as a way to humanize him. As a way to absolve him. And, as a way to absolve himself for having sex with him. That’s so symbolically <3333

Matsuda trying to convince light to run away with him. I really wonder what lights endgame is here and why he’s being such a dick if he can remember the time loops. Is it really just about proving a point symbolically? Ide said that it would mean something if matsuda sided with light. Is that why lights doing this? To make matsuda side with him for some odd version of catharsis? (I guess we don’t really know how light factors into the time loop but I don’t think he’d be this composed if he didn’t have SOME level of control over it. Somehow.)

Matsuda being stuck in a timeloop really IS such a catch 22 situation. For his agency to matter, for anything to matter, he has to progress somehow. This strips him of his agency but in a way he has no control over, and it’s fun to see the difference between when it’s self imposed and when it’s imposed by some deity-or maybe just light. Probably not but perhaps.

Hhhh The differences between lights corpse and lights living stage, and yet the intertwining of them in matsudas head as a ‘walking corpse’. I’m reminded of your post about light Yagami separating his identity and that of Kira’s so that kira could be indestructible even when light Yagami gets hurt, but here we see how matsuda both plays into that and subverts it.

HHHHHHHHH. There we go, matsuda back at humanizing light. Which, I guess is a valid thing to do considering he’s fucking the guy but I can’t help but feel as though this is setting something up.

ALSO!! More of that catch 22 feel. Light will only settle down when kira is caught but that cannot occur for obvious reasons. Aughhhhh.

OHHHH WHAT THE FUCK IS HE GONNA DO?!

ALSO IF HE WAKES UP ON JAN 29TH TOMORROW THEN WHY?! WHAT DOES HE DO?! WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES FOR ACTIONS AUGHHHHHH IM SO EXCITED!!!!

hehe i will NEVER be upset about metempsychosis liveblogging, i love this so much!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: SA, R

Hi, I don’t really know how to talk about so sorry if it’s too messy

A few days ago I was assaulted violently by a friend who is also a lover, that I hold very dearly to me and really love.

We got out to a club a got reaaly drunk, him more than me, a lot more, he was blackout drunk. After we came to were I live because he was sleeping over, we took our clothes off to lay down and sleep, or so I tought but he wanted to have sex but I didn’t, I said now and tried to get away but he wasn’t haven’t it and slaped me and forced me, this happened many times in this night until I gave up because it was hurting to much (we have had rough sexual relations before things like BDSM) .

I don’t really think that he was doing on purpose or even noticed that he was raping me, because he reaaly was so drunk he wasn’t making sense some times, I think he just tought we were having rough sex, he before was always respectful and even reluctant about doing things until he really knew it was okay.

The next morning he didn’t remember anything I told him what happed because he was accting like nothing had happed, he tought we only slept and nothing more

He is/was absolutely devastated and shaken like I am

I don’t want to stop talking to him or too change what we have because of what happed

But Im so lust and hurting he is the only person I have to talk about it or to help me but I dont want to hurt him either and talking about it makes him feel bad because of what he did and is not being able to hear me giving me proper support because of it

He is trying to but he panics and is scared of hurting me again and don’t know what to think or how to deal with what happened

I don’t know how to deal mentally either I don’t know whta to think or what should I do. Am I wrong to want to be with him still? I feel so shattered and jumping moods and it seems like everything is difficult to do? Im so lost and scared. My boody is in high alert and acting like im fiscally sick.

I think Im seeking for comfort, advice

Sry if I was not very clear

Im not able to seek teraphy right now unfortunately

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Please know that no matter how drunk or otherwise under the influence someone is, they are still responsible for their own actions. Just because he may have been too drunk to even "notice" he was raping you doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel the ways you feel about it, it doesn't mean you're not allowed to have a problem with what happened, and it doesn't mean that he is absolved of accountability, even if he claims to not remember. It still happened. So with that said, it's okay to talk about it even if it hurts him, because it's your truth, other people's feelings are not your responsibility, and he honestly deserves to feel bad about what he did.

It's okay to have mixed feelings towards him right now. He's someone you've been trusting deeply, but he also hurt you deeply. It's hard to know how to feel and that's okay. It's only been a few days since what happened, so allow yourself the time and space to heal at your own pace.

You're not wrong for wanting to be with him still. That being said, I'm wondering if the things you're experiencing are being exacerbated by his presence. Often times, when something like this happens, our abusers themselves can become a trigger, as our bodies learn from experience that this person may not be safe to be around, and so to be on high alert. That can also mean other physical symptoms of anxiety or panic. Just listen to your gut feeling about whether or not it's a good idea to stay around or in contact with him. That's ultimately up to you to decide.

Please make sure to take care of yourself during this time. Be patient and gentile with yourself, and practice self care, whether that means going for a walk, taking a bath, listening to music you enjoy, doing something fun, and resting well.

If anyone has any other suggestions or comments, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[whatagirlwants]

jbass clinging to olivia and making sabrina the villain because he knows the only fanbase he'd never lose are jolivias who desperately want them to be the jelena of this generation knowing that justin still ended up with hailey. his best promo strategy is the same one they've been fantasizing about for years. villainizing sabrina while absolving himself of all harmful actions, and begging olivia to break up with her boyfriend in the false hope that she'll go back to him. predictably pathetic.

its pathetic cause whatever those 2 were thry cant be compared to jelena like it is not the same😭

j’s main fandom has always been jolivias & hsmtmts fans he was still steering the jolivia fans on when he was with s back then and even now which is such a weird behavior of him.

he’s pathetic overall its actually embarrassing. sometimes that 1 popular jolivia tiktok page would post throwbacks and it would end up on my fyp and i cringe like what about this cringy couple thats giving preteen relationship vibes in disney interviews is making people still ship. and those videos make him look so pathetic cause everyone has moved on and grown up and he’s still a cringy loser.

i notice thing he does when he wants attention from his preteen fanbase and its actually embarrassing for him. im rambling im aware but theres just so much to say

[benilos]

Also, just cause I rarely told anyone I was a system when I was still Eli doesnt make my system any less real. No, I am quite literally NOT Eli, i am literally not the host from 3 years ago. But that doesnt absolve me from anything he did. Im STILL fighting with and trying to improve from habits he had and the consequences of his actions, and now we have a new split that might possibly have pieces of him, we don't know yet!! But thats scary!! This shits fucking hard to deal with man!!! How would you feel if you couldnt even tell who you are half the time, or being so scared by your headmates going completely silent for months at a time because youre frontstuck? This shit is scary and hard and we are constantly facing terrible shit from people who dont understand how it is. Stop pretending like you are the authority on someone else's experience with a mental illness or disorder just because you have it too. There are many classifications of DID. Plurality can span even illnesses NOT considered under DID. People with fucking bipolar disorder can be plural, and you have no right to tell ANYONE they cant have a specific disorder. You do not know what you are talking about. You simply don't. Im sorry your internet diagnosis from your 17 yr old friend named Forest from the Hazbin Hotel discord server you share didn't teach you that DID and plurality is an incredibly complicated and complex thing to handle and it is not confined to random definitions spread around on tumblr. Real life, real people. Stop pretending you have any fucking authority and let people figure their illnesses out on their own. Shut the fuck up for once, you insufferable little freaks. This is real fucking life!!!! Not a roleplay!

[neteluvr-library]

NOOOOOOOO I CANT BELIEVE THE END IS HERE IM SO SAD 😭 andra bby i love MiM!!!! i remember you saying you were nervous because this was different from anything else you've written, but you did such an amazing job throughout the series. i loved the dynamic between neteyam and vi and it was really fun to watch their super mean, but also humorous relationship? as always, you do such an amazing job at characterizing neteyam and giving all of your characters depth!! and trauma. i feel like MiM was really angsty, but at the same time, it wasn't heartbreakingly angsty? like it was the right amount of angst but i think it really balanced well with the sharpness of neteyam and vi? like yes the situation was sad but you couldn't dwell on it too long because here comes neteyam/vi in another insult match and trying to compete HAHAHA and as much as i want to take sides, vi, i completely understand and see the gray area between neteyam and vi and i love how you continued to emphasize that through the series. this was a TRUE enemies to lovers, hella emphasis on the ENEMIES, and i love that so much because its such a good trope especially when its as dark as this one.

OKAY NOW ENOUGH OF THAT LET ME ACTUALLY GO READ ... chefs kiss to the coney island title 🤲 #coneyislandsupremacy

Mo’at’s beautiful, sagacious eyes that always felt like they could see through you, through deception and conceit, and get to the soul of problem, the inner core of your amalgamation of conflicting, earth-shattering emotions, covered by a crust of barely-there composure, ready to erupt with any slight friction of the tectonic plates of your heart.

BESTIEEEE!!!!! okay wow you are starting off so strong already. how the hell did you even come up with this sentence? this is literally amazing and i need to know how long it took you to write this. mo'at literally sees all 😭😭

You thought about his actions, about what drove them, about how, at the end of the day, they were the same driving forces that you acted on. 

Ohh, I really like that Vi realized this because I think in order for Neteyam and her to EVER get to a good place, then they have to both acknowledge and realize how they equally played a role in what happened. Like it's so much easier to point fingers, but pointing fingers does nothing but absolve people of their accountability?

...it had less to do with the boy and more to do with you, with how his dad reminded you of your own...

Hot girls have daddy issues 😍😍

No, the thought of one day being one with the boy who shone light through the broken cracks of your soul every day

THE VISUAL IMAGERY!!!

You thought that, by saying no, you could make your dad proud, you could make Jake proud… make him proud.

GODDAMIT!!!!! I have to say that Vi's reasoning is very noble and considerate of Neteyam. It would be such a waste for Vi to become tsakarem!!!! But like...did she at least explain her answer to Jake 😒 HAHAHAH I'm assuming no. Neteyam and Vi are the biggest and most lethal miscomunation trope ever 😭

O’i’en was right,

Moment of silence for O'i'en.

...luscious clearing he felt like he was reclaiming, like it could slowly be his… both of yours again. 

Neteyam ya'll have way too many unresolved issues to let one sex session make you feel hopeful 😤 But also, poor Neteyam HAHAAHAH (not really, I think he needs to grovel)

Edit: at least he knows this in the next paragraph AHAHAHAH

Angry and seething, as he was, he picked himself up from the floor...

OH LORD WHAT ARE WE ABOUT TO GET INTO FELSFEKJNGKBGKRD

....the need to hide your pain deep inside yourself, no matter how hard life was grinding you down, it was intrinsic to you in a way you would never be able to shake. 

NO because its always easier to mask your pain by doing things that are the complete opposite of how you feel.

You knew you shouldn’t be here. There were better, more important things for you to do. 

I'm gonna hire a therapist for Vi 😭 Why do I feel like Neteyam is going to come barging in and they're gonna have either a screaming match or a decent, honest conversation. Maybe both?

You had to say goodbye. You owed her a proper funeral. You owed her a goodbye.

RIP OARE😭❤️

“Sempu…”

“Shh, kid. It’s ok. You’re ok… we’re gonna be ok.”

AWWW OKAY I WAS WRONG!!! But this was really sweet ): I feel like Vi needs all the love she can get right now because she's literally suffering? I always love when your write sweet moments with Jake because it feels so healing.

After everything, everything that has happened, everything you’ve both done...

WHAT DOES HE EXPECT OMGGGGG

He thought about how broken you both were now that the the fall did come to its unsightly end, and how it left you both in pieces, in sharp shards that found each other’s flesh to dig into and lacerate, unable to stop yourself from falling apart around each other even at the bitter final act.

OKAY MIM IS LITERALLY YOUR BEST WRITING YET like i think all of your series have a lot of insight and interesting lessons and views on life and the world, right? and there's always been a very dreamy and romantic aspect to your writing and the way you describe feelings and thoughts. but it's like every other sentence in MiM sounds like something that came out of a poetry book or every other sentence has a really amazing synonym, simile, metaphor, etc. like the level of writing is unreal.

He deserved more than this.

I agree with Neteyam on this but also he needs to understand that Vi is grieving right now. Like yes, Neteyam is also grappling with the loss of the battle and everything else, but Vi is now processing everything that happened with Oare and the battle and Neteyam and herself

“I thought I was doing the right thing. A father protects. But I failed to recognise how that would affect you, how much the pressure I put on your shoulders, on Neteyam’s shoulders, would come to hurt you, to push you to this point. My words and my actions were what drove you both to the dark place you find yourselves in right now, and I’m sorry.”

WHO ELSE CLAPPPED?????? i will NEVER get over Jake owning up to his mistakes and holding himself accountable. its so sexy

We all make mistakes, and sometimes the mistakes hurt and they cut and they fester, sometimes they are big enough to take over your whole world and eclipse any light shining through. But… people deserve a second chance. 

I always love the lessons you write ❤️ Because even though they're being said in the context of fanfiction, everything you say is so applicable to real life.

Is this how you felt? This whole time… this is how you felt? So insignificant and small, so used… abandoned, angry and heartbroken… just how he felt. 

LMFAO DO YOU KNOW THAT MEME WHERE ITS LIKE "boys will take drugs and learn the same stuff that girls do at 12 years old (in regard to life, feelings, empathy" THAT JUST REMINDED ME OF NETEYAM RIGHT NOW LMFAO but also I'm glad BOTH of them are realizing things and being empathetic toward's each others respective feelings. like yeah Neteyam this is how Vi felt, NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT

The not knowing, the self-doubt and guilt, the feeling like you were nothing more than a toy, ready to be outgrown, knowing you were disposable to someone you thought loved you… it was worse.

no bc this is so scary i hope i never go through this bc i wont survive

This he could do, and would, because he needed to, and he knew, deep down, you did, too.

AWWWWWWWWW what a sweetie pie ): <3 (i say as I have been mentally cursing at Neteyam this entire chapter)

he’s had than the reality he had to live through, ones in which you came to him, and let your guard down, one in which he got to comfort you instead of bring you pain, ones in which you were his and he was yours, one in which things were good, and pure, like you were. 

*VIOLENT SCREAMING* yeah i have this same fucking dream too LMFOOAAOAO except i have no one to run to

“Guess he knows I can take it.” 

VI IS EVERYTHING. HES JUST NETEYAM!!! he is so in love with her ): he looks at her and think's shes a literal goddess no one will ever compare to vi in his heart ): i LOVE A STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER YASSS!!!!! especially when they're a young female character like yes baby you strut into the world and you fucking own it and take it by the hands before anyone else can take it from underneath you

“I’m alone, too. I’m all alone. And I’m scared… of being alone. Of ending up alone. And I think you are, too. So maybe… maybe we can be alone together.”

IM GONNA FUCKING CRY STOP RIGHT NOW ANDRA

When you left, it broke something in me. 

ATAN 🤝 VI

being abandoned by neteyam

It was necessary, this moment that was long overdue, and although you were sorrowful of the fact it took losing so much for you to realise it, you were grateful that did come in the end. 

IM SO FUCKING HAPPY THEY FINALLY APOLOGIZED TO EACH OTHER!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR AGES they were such beautiful apologies. now KISS!!!!!! just kidding but i am so happy for them, it was a long time coming, but now they can stop reveling in the hurt and move onto a brighter, happier future filled with communication and healing

“Ah, that’s too bad… maybe one day. One day, you’ll beat me at this, and on that day, Vi, I will fall to my knees in eternal servitude.” 

THE BANTER BETWEEN THEM ):

“Friends?”

“Friends.”

AHHHHHH IM GONNA CRY FR I CANT BELEIVE ITS OKAY

honestly, i was really shocked that were was no smut included and this isn't how i thought the ending would go. like yeah you posted that they would end up together, but i thought they would like ACTUALLY ACTUALLY be together. you're always surprising me andra!!!! we have to expect the unexpected with you 🤪

With that being said, I am in no way disappointed with the ending. In fact, I really love it and how it deviated from a straightforward happy ending because like yeah, Neteyam and Vi have such a complex relationship with years of hurt, that I think it would have been unrealistic for them to be mated by the end of this chapter. The ending fits them a lot and acknowledges that Vi needed her own time to heal, which I love, because she really did need her own time to heal and they both needed to take things at a slow pace so they could eventually transition into a full relationship. They needed time to get to know each other again and learn who they've fully become as adults. And I feel like that is such an accurate portrayal of how relationships are in real life? Nothing is ever that simple, or black and white, and both people need to put in the time and effort to make things work. Love is a product of effort and understanding and Neteyam and Vi needed to work on those things to move forward.

I was so curious when you said there would be only two chapters left because i felt like there was still so many things unresolved and when you said that they would end up together, I WAS LIKE WTF HOW IS SHE GONNA ACCOMPLISH THIS????? technically, they did end up together, just not in the way that i imagined. but for story and writing purposes, you made a really smart choice by ending it the way you did. Iike logically it makes the most sense and i feel like it also speaks to how well you know your own characters.

I loved the ending scene, it was so fucking adorable and I love how you left it on a humourous, but hopeful note for the both of them. I can't wait to see where their relationship goes in their one shot. ❤️ I FEEL SO ATTACHED TO NETEYAM AND VI NOW ): I DONT WANT THEM TO GO 😭😭 okay ily andra you are so talented and thank you always for all you do for the fandom xxx

edit: i MEAN TO REBLOG THIS ON MY MAIN AHHHHHHHHH

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕍𝕀𝕀𝕀: 𝕊𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 𝔽𝕠𝕣 ℕ𝕠𝕥 𝕄𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕄𝕪 ℂ𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕣𝕖𝕗𝕠𝕝𝕕

pairing: Neteyam x (f)Omaticaya!reader

synopsis: In the wake of your separation, your mind is made as to the future of your rocky relationship with your once best friend, now best enemy, Neteyam.

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, aged-up! Neteyam/Reader, enemies-to-lovers, angst (mentions of violence, battle, blood, death, confrontation, admission of feelings), strong language.

wc: 6.7k words

a/n: besties, it brings me sorrow to say that monster in me has come to an end, and i can only hope you enjoy and have enjoyed this story, that turned from a silly little fic about two people who hate/crave each other into so much more than i ever envisioned. i really struggled writing this chapter, and i hope i don't disappoint with the ending, and i hope you like it. what i can say, is that this is not the end for Neteyam and Vi, as I have at least one more oneshot in mind to showcase their ... progress (hehe). having smut in this chapter didn't feel right to me, but it doesn't mean it's not coming ;) pun intended.

as always, thank you so much for reading and engaging with my stories and with me, it means more than I could ever express into words. I love you besties, and i hope you stick around for a long time, because i will x

na'vi compendium: txepvi  - spark, oare - moon, nawm - great, tsakarem - tsa'hik in training, atokirina - seed of the tree of souls, sa'nok - mother, senpu - affectionate term for dad

lightly proof read, if you see something wrong, no you don't

: ̗̀➛ previous chapter (x) : ̗̀➛ series masterlist (x) : ̗̀➛ series playlist (x)

Break my soul in two looking for you But you're right here

“Are you sure, ma ‘ite? You know we wouldn’t force you into anything, but… please think it through. Eywa’s vision was clear, and it showed you two together. Eywa is never wrong, you know this.”

You thought about it, barely able to look into Mo’at's beautiful, sagacious eyes that always felt like they could see through you, through deception and conceit, and get to the soul of problem, the inner core of your amalgamation of conflicting, earth-shattering emotions, covered by a crust of barely-there composure, ready to erupt with any slight friction of the tectonic plates of your heart. You thought about last night, about his words, that still rang in your ears in a muffled cacophony of sounds you were trying your hardest to drown out, that you were scared would end up drowning you, instead. 

“I loved you, Vi.I fucking loved you. You were everything to me. And you broke me.” 

“Even the smallest similarity killed me, reminded me how much I hate you, how much I want to, how much I don't. I've wanted to hate you so much, I tried so hard, but you were in every dream, in every fantasy, you haunted me my whole life."

You thought about his actions, about what drove them, about how, at the end of the day, they were the same driving forces that you acted on. Hurt. Betrayal. Jealousy. Fear. You thought about your actions. How poison crept beneath your skin and pooled in your heart and pumped it through your whole bloodstream, until it was all there was, until it blinded you, and how he started this, but you continued it. 

How his fault was indifference, and yours was madness that only he had the power to force out of you. You thought about his parents, and how his dad was now your dad, and how hard you fought for hearing the magic words: “we couldn’t have done it without you, kid”. Those words, and the “you’re welcome” that followed, became as necessary to you as the air you breathe. It may have started, this need to gain Jake’s approval, as a way to get a rise out of Neteyam, your best attempt at getting him to lash out at you, scream and yell, anything but the horrible silence he ordained you with, but in time, it had less to do with the boy and more to do with you, with how his dad reminded you of your own, how the words of praise and admiration made the ones you were used to, that you’d never hear again, echo through the your tent and through the forest, hidden in between the whistles and sonorous trills of birds, but never forgotten, not to you. 

You thought about his specious assumptions, and your words, and how, despite what you spat at him last night, they weren’t the whole truth. You did tell Jake that you didn’t want to mate with him, but not out of a lack of love or desire. No, the thought of one day being one with the boy who shone light through the broken cracks of your soul every day after your parents died, the boy who himself shone brighter than any star or sun or galaxy out there in the vast unknown, the boy who challenged you, and annoyed you, and loved you, and got you… it made you happy. It made butterflies flutter in your stomach and tingle, it made a fuzzy feeling gather in your brain and haze your mind until it was full of nothing but misty reveries, of a life beyond your wildest dreams and fantasies, of night flights and battles won together, of family found and family kept. 

You told Jake what you did because your dreams couldn’t happen while you were pushed to the side and made to undertake the duties of a Tsakarem, they couldn’t happen if you had to forsake your talents and an integral part of yourself. You thought that, by saying no, you could make your dad proud, you could make Jake proud… make him proud. You thought that by becoming the warrior you knew you could one day be, you could help him… take away some of the burden that you knew he was shouldering all by himself, that of the eldest son, the responsible child, the prodigy of the clan. More than anything, you wanted to be worthy of him and of his love. That’s why you said no. 

If I can't relate to you anymore Then who am I related to?

But now, it was all wrong. Your love, your hate, your history and your future, everything you’ve done, everything you should have done. It was all wrong. O’i’en was right, you realised. You held onto this broken relationship, this hopeless promise of a mateship, not because you wanted revenge, but because you wanted him… in any way you could get him. Your undefeated stubbornness, and the war that left too many collateral victims for you to ever be able to sleep at night again, led to scars in your soul no one could ever fix, that you’d have to mend yourself in time, that you never could while in an arrangement you should have declined to begin with. It was finally time… 

“I’m sure, ma Tsa’hik.”

…time to say goodbye to the child you knew - the one you were, the one he was, and the love that took too much of both of you, the one that turned to ashes in your mouth. 

And if this is the long haul How'd we get here so soon?

Neteyam’s confusion was normal for the dazed, quiet astir he found himself in after just waking up. What wasn’t normal, however, is how the confusion didn’t evaporate once the blurry haze disappeared, but only deepened with the sight, or lack thereof, awaiting him in the green, luscious clearing he felt like he was reclaiming, like it could slowly be his… both of yours again. He didn’t feel this way now, in this place that all of a sudden felt barren and cold, like an endless tundra, like his soul felt. You were gone. 

In a way, it was to be expected. In some way, Neteyam knew last night was a just a fluke, a heady combination of overflowing of intense emotions that were too intense to be contained, that had to be released in the only way you both knew how, in the only way that would push the hurt aside and leave only a mess of denial and pleasure in its wake, because an orgasm is always easier to deal with than the pain that came with the cathartic act of confession, of owning up to your mistakes, of talking through years of hurt pent up in your already broken soul. You both did what you did best, so Neteyam shouldn’t be surprised. And yet he was. 

He wasn’t only surprised, he realises. No, he would be happy if that was all he was. Neteyam was angry. Angry and seething, as he was, he picked himself up from the floor, the smell of you still imbedded in his nostrils, your cum still on him as he took in his naked form, before tightening his loincloth over his hips, a task easier said than done with the furious slashing of his tail whose movements he couldn’t control, no matter how hard he tried. He didn’t know why such intense, overpowering anger was washing over him in tidal waves that were crushing his spirit under their monstrous weight, removing any reason from his mind, any sane reasoning or critical thinking. Why would he expect you to stay? You didn’t owe him anything, and this changed nothing. Nothing’s different. Neither of you admitted to anything, neither were able to admit to the fault either of you had in the unraveling of your relationship, in the actions that lead to death and hurt, to pain and loss. So why did it matter?

"The first step in solving any problem is recognising there is one, brother. The sooner you admit your feelings, the sooner you can work towards fixing your broken relationship."

Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?

With a sigh, Neteyam made his way back to the village, hoping that once he saw you, all the answers would come rushing back to him, would make it perfectly clear as to the path he was supposed to take, the words that he was supposed to utter, which puerile confessions were better said and which better left gathering dust in the back of the rooms of his heart. When he saw you, he'd finally know...

The day was in full swing in the clan, as people were making the final preparations for the funeral processions that would take place once eclipse settled in. Neteyam winced at the mourning families, at the bodies laid on the floor, covered in leaves and flowers, in the way they'd remain, until their flesh would return to Eywa, return to the nature from which they were born, allowing for growth that would keep the community going. One life ends, another begins. That saying was as much part of him as any organ, any physical aspect of him was. That saying was the dogma of the Omaticaya, of the Na'vi as a whole. He knew it by heart, its meaning coursed through his veins, and yet, it didn't lessen the blow. It didn't stop the hurt and the pain of having to watch it, having to know to some extent, he was at fault for it.

He expected to see you by now, lending a hand, despite the fact you should be taking it easy - you were never one for rule following, and although you got better in time, especially after your blooming relationship with O’i’en, who, despite it killing Neteyam to admit, was a positive influence in your life, some things about you would never change. The need to help, to be of use, to prove your worth, the need to feel like you’re making an effort, the need to hide your pain deep inside yourself, no matter how hard life was grinding you down, it was intrinsic to you in a way you would never be able to shake. And so Neteyam was sure he'd see you here. But he didn't. Instead, he saw his mother, spotting him from across the patch of forest they called home, eyeing him intently, with a blend of emotions Neteyam couldn't quite place. There was a heaviness to her, which he couldn't say he felt surprised about, but the twinge of fear and pity in her eyes, clearly directed at her eldest son, was something he didn't expect to see, and it scared him. Without any thought, he tracked towards his family's tent, unable to break his gaze from her, whose own fell to the floor, before turning away and entering the home, the flaps swinging closed behind her, the sudden chasm between them putting a knot in Neteyam's throat. Something was wrong. What else could be wrong?

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island Wondering, "Where did my baby go?"

"Sa'nok, nawm sa'nok, Oel Ngati Kameie."

His grandmother's permanent serious expression was somehow even more pronounced now, and Neteyam noticed the signs of weariness and exhaustion clear on her beautiful face. Still, with her most arduous attempt at a smile, she brought her curled fingers to her forehead and extended them in her grandson's direction, before giving her daughter a pointed look.

"What's going on?"

"Ma 'itan..."

The knot in his throat descended until it hit his stomach with a heavy splash, the feeling of dread nearly knocking him over.

"Mother, just tell me. Just please... tell me."

"She... she broke the engagement, Neteyam. What happened between you?"

The fast times, the bright lights, the merry-go Sorry for not making you my centrefold

The river that the Omaticaya used as a source of water, and nourishment, and entertainment, and hygiene, the one that was normally bustling with life and energy, was barren and deserted as you settled on its bank, leg mindlessly swinging back and forth in the cold, clear water. You focused on the way it felt, the flawless flow, as it touched your skin and how every once in a while, fish would nibble at your feet, and you were almost relieved that at least some creatures still looked at you like you were still alive. You didn’t feel like it, not anymore.

You didn’t feel like a Na’vi, like a person, more like a mix of pure grief and guilt that managed to swallow you whole, leaving just a cloud of misery in its wake. You knew you shouldn’t be here. There were better, more important things for you to do. Help was needed in the village, you needed to prepare for the ceremony, you needed to claim your ikran, wash her, cover her in the leafy shroud she would spend the rest of time in. You had to say goodbye. You owed her a proper funeral. You owed her a goodbye. And yet, your body was paralysed on the edge of this river, staring into nothingness, trying to find a way to make your mind, which was simultaneously empty and full of thoughts, each one more horrifying then the next, work and move your muscles, do the thing it always does where adrenaline takes over and makes you focus, makes you try, makes you brave. There was nothing now, not anymore.

Your ears twitched as the shrubbery rustled with movement behind you, and your scrunched nose relaxed as it picked up Jake's scent. Your coiled, immobile tail found its place nestled next to your thighs, and when you turned your head, you noticed your surrogate father, the mighty Olo'eyktan, dressed in ceremonial garbs, the red, feathery vest contrasting nicely against his dark, azure skin. You couldn’t look in his inquisitive, shocked eyes, that knew you to your core, the eyes that always looked at you with love and care, with pride and encouragement, that now you assumed would be filled with sorrow and disappointment, so you settled on looking at his headpiece, the imposing, oval stone a much more manageable sight right now.

"Kid..."

His feet picked up pace, the same way your heart did in your chest, and you let out a shocked, pained gasp as he kneeled by your side and took your body into his, his hand finding the back of your head and you melted in his embrace, listening to his erratic heartbeat that mirrored yours, that you focused on like a hymn, that pulled you out of stupor, and you watched as your tears stained his chest, before your hands found his back, tightening your grip on him.

"Sempu..."

"Shh, kid. It's ok. You're ok... we're gonna be ok."

Over and over, lost again with no surprises Disappointments close your eyes And it gets colder and colder When the sun goes down

Neteyam was trying to calm himself as he was pacing the floor of his grandmother's tent, so much so the rugs were now matted and torn. He couldn't believe this. He couldn't believe you. After everything, everything that has happened, everything you've both done... after losing O'i'en and Oare, after destroying his relationship and all his plans for the future, after promising him you would never undo this arrangement, after threatening him you'd both get to burn together... after everything... how could you do this?

The anger was all-consuming as it was lighting his every nerve on fire, as it was playing back, in his mind, over and over, your relationship, your rise and fall, the fall that never seemed to end, no matter how hard he wished for it to end, no matter how hard he didn't. He thought about how broken you both were now that the the fall did come to its unsightly end, and how it left you both in pieces, in sharp shards that found each other's flesh to dig into and lacerate, unable to stop yourself from falling apart around each other even at the bitter final act. He thought about how he should be relieved. It was all he wanted, right? You out of his life. He could go back to the girl, the girl he didn't love, no matter how hard he tried, to the life he was once envisioning for himself. If you truly gave up on him, on your quest for revenge, he should be happy. All he's wanted for the past seven years was you out of his life, right? If all you had and all you were was over... if the nightmare was over, that meant a new dawn would be breaking soon. He should want it... right?

And maybe he would want it, maybe he would be happy about it, if only there wasn't this intense hatred blinding him to the truth of the matter, to the potential this new revelation opened up in his life. Because fuck, things changed. Things changed when Oare died, when his sister talked to him, things changed when you woke up, when he found you in the clearing... things changed when you slept together. He told you things, things he didn't even know he felt, but he did feel, as you came around him, as he saw your face writhing in pleasure when you left scratches down his back. He saw your eyes as they locked with his, and in your eyes, for just a moment, there were confessions that maybe you didn't speak out loud, but maybe you didn't have to.

And then... you just... left. You left him, abandoned him without a word, or an explanation, without as much as a disdained "good riddance, asshole". How could you have done this, after everything that's happened? After everything, Neteyam felt like he deserved at least that... or anything, but not this. Not the silence, not to be told about it by his mother. He deserved more than this.

His legs stilled in place and his stomach dropped as your words, the words you shouted at him yesterday kept rushing back to him like the river after a storm, unrelenting and powerful, ready to knock out everything in their wake.

“You keeping your mouth shut and going about your life as if your life wasn’t impermeably connected to mine was what fucking hurt me, Neteyam!"

"You saying nothing, doing nothing, acting like I didn’t exist, like I was just a toy you outgrew, that was worse than anything I could have ever fucking done to you, don’t you understand that?"

"Do you understand that you abandoned me? I was everything to you, and you just acted like that meant nothing at all."

Fuck.

Do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Jake." you tried to contain the cries, you did, but as he held you tightly to his chest, caressing your almost-dry braids and cooing patiently in your ear, it was harder than you could manage in the moment. The sobs were loud and coming out in broken hiccups, but you couldn't find it in you to care anymore, and he didn't seem to mind.

"I did this, we did this... Neteyam and I, this stupid war, all the fights, and the battles, and the never-ending need to make the other pay... and all for nothing! All for something he heard, something I said, that I-... If he just asked, I could have told him, I could have explained, I -... fuck!"

"Shh... hey, look at me, kid." His fingers found your chin, that he raised, despite your silent protests, and you were taken aback by his own tears falling down his face, by the unending depth of emotion behind his beautiful, yellow irises, that reminded you a little too much of his eldest son.

"This wasn't your fault, baby girl. It was mine."

"I love you, you know? So much. I look at you, and I see Neytiri, and I see myself. I see your parents, I see this clan, that I chose to be a part of, that I'm grateful for every day of my life. This clan, this family I have, that includes you, this planet... it saved me from myself, from a broken path. And the thought of losing you, losing any of it... it haunted my every dream, it turned into a recurring nightmare that kept me up at night. So I did the only thing I knew how - I tried to mould you into the soldiers I knew you needed to be in order to survive the humans and their poisoned reach, their need to hurt and kill."

You were in awe of his monologue, that you didn't want to - you couldn't - interrupt. You needed to hear this, and he needed to speak it, and so you waited, and listened, and he spoke and cried.

"I thought I was doing the right thing. A father protects. But I failed to recognise how that would affect you, how much the pressure I put on your shoulders, on Neteyam's shoulders, would come to hurt you, to push you to this point. My words and my actions were what drove you both to the dark place you find yourselves in right now, and I'm sorry."

You tightened your grip on him yet again, and let his words sink in you, pass through you. You let them succumb you, like the water in the lake as it took over your body, until you were submerged in it, until you were a different person as you emerged back into the world.

"I'm still learning, kid. We all are... We all make mistakes, and sometimes the mistakes hurt and they cut and they fester, sometimes they are big enough to take over your whole world and eclipse any light shining through. But... people deserve a second chance. People deserve to be able to make amends, to fight to show you they can do better. And I hope I'm one of those people. And I hope Neteyam is, too. I think you two were meant for each other - I saw it every day of your lives, from when you were best friends to best enemies, you completed each other, complemented each other. You made each other better... and worse. But maybe that shows that one of you can't exist without the other. That maybe the connection you have is more than anything life can throw at you, or that you can throw at each other. Maybe it's time for both of you to get a second chance."

Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

Neteyam felt dizzy and nauseous, a sudden need to anchor himself onto the ground more necessary than he could ever remember feeling. Seven years worth of mistakes came rushing over him, ready to swallow him whole. Is this how you felt? This whole time... this is how you felt? So insignificant and small, so used... abandoned, angry and heartbroken... just how he felt. He made you feel this way, he made 12 year old Vi, the person he loved most in the world, feel this way. You left him, just as he left you, and now Neteyam finally could see, finally understood, that you were right. It was worse. The not knowing, the self-doubt and guilt, the feeling like you were nothing more than a toy, ready to be outgrown, knowing you were disposable to someone you thought loved you... it was worse.

He knew he had to find you, he had to, he had to talk to you, he had to tell you all the words his heart was begging him to shout of the top of his lungs, begging him to stop holding inside of it, for it was done keeping his secrets, for all it wanted was to feel again, to dream again... to love again. But it would have to wait. Just a little bit more, it would have to wait, because right now, Oare needed him. Oare would be put to her eternal rest today, and before the ceremony, she still needed to be cleaned and prepared, and while you might not feel capable of facing such a challenge right now, he could do this for you. This he could do, and would, because he needed to, and he knew, deep down, you did, too.

It took a long time, but near eclipse, the ikran was ready, and Neteyam felt a pang of hurt taking in her beauty, so ethereal and extraordinary, so much like the person who came to call her a sister. The person whose voice stopped Neteyam dead in his tracks and sent shivers down his spine.

“Neteyam…?” 

When he turned, and saw you, eyes puffy and red, filled with tears that weren’t the first you were shedding, based on the deep stains on your beautiful face, your chest heaving in panted, uneven breaths, released in soft, sorrowful sobs, he couldn’t help in himself, and with a few steps, he closed the distance between you and enveloped you in a tight, rib-cracking hug, one that, to his unending relief, you reciprocated immediately. 

“She’s dead, Neteyam… she’s really dead. I wasn’t there for her and now she’s dead.” You were sobbing in his chest, and he tried not to let the moment overwhelm him, this moment that felt more like dreams he’s had than the reality he had to live through, ones in which you came to him, and let your guard down, one in which he got to comfort you instead of bring you pain, ones in which you were his and he was yours, one in which things were good, and pure, like you were. 

Were you waiting at our old spot In the tree line, by the gold clock? Did I leave you hanging every single day?

“I’m surprised you’re still alive after today’s training. Dad’s not going easy on you, is he?” Neteyam looked at the little girl, laying on the ground, chest heaving, with eyes of steely determination he doesn’t think are like anything he’s ever see before, and how the tears that pooled in your eyes refused to drop, no matter how oversaturated they got. The tears just didn’t drop. He watched intently, determined to see the first one fall, determined to prove to himself that a girl who’s never trained before, a girl who just lost her parents, a girl who was not from a family of warriors, like his was, wouldn’t be able to withstand the pressure that his father never failed to put on him, and he now seemed intent on putting on you.

But much to his surprise, the tears never did fall. Instead, you got up, canines sunk in so deeply, the blood was pouring out of your lower lip - anything to stop the sob of pain he knew you wanted to let out. When you were on your feet again, you ran your hands over your bloodied knees, where the gashes were still spilling red liquid from when you fell off a cliff and scraped them, before shaking them dry. Neteyam watched in awe as the blood dripped from your fingers and into the ground, and all of a sudden, he was left behind, your footsteps echoing through the forest as you made your way back to the practice arena.

“Guess he knows I can take it.” 

Were you standing in the hallway with a big cake? Happy birthday Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray? A universe away

"Have you ever considered, Neteyam, that I'm not your enemy? I see you, waiting for me to fail, praying that your dad... and my dad, were wrong about me. Have you ever considered I could help? That if I do this, you don't have to be alone anymore?"

Neteyam's eyes went as wide as his mouth as you turned to face him once more, a soft smile on your face and crinkles around your eyes, that almost hid the soft tears that dropped down your cheeks and mingled with the blood as they reached your lips, and he felt his heart skip a beat, and then two, then three... What was happening to him?

"I'm alone, too. I'm all alone. And I'm scared... of being alone. Of ending up alone. And I think you are, too. So maybe... maybe we can be alone together."

Almost as if controlled by a disembodied presence, Neteyam's body started moving on its own accord until it reached you, until his hand was in your extended one, a peace symbol you both learnt from the once-human Olo'eyktan.

“Friends?”

“Friends.”

And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face But when I walked up to the podium I think that I forgot to say your name

“I know… I’m so sorry, Vi.” His hands found your face, that he angled upwards to look into your eyes, holding you tightly, as if letting go meant letting go forever, and he couldn’t, not anymore, not until he told you what he needed to say. Your warm breath brought life into him as he inhaled it, and the courage given by the revelations that loomed over him his entire life, but were only manifested today, it was enough to speak the words nestled in his chest. 

“I’m so sorry… not just about Oare, but about everything. Vi, you were right. I did this, I started this. I should have… I should have trusted you, and confided in you. I should have given you the respect you deserved, the consideration of telling you what hurt me. You deserved the chance to explain your point of view, and I took that from you. What you said hurt me… what my dad said hurt me, but… you were my best friend, and I should have come to you. I should never have let you go, Vi. I’m so sorry.”

The words you've waited for what seemed like your whole life opened the dam of your soul, so carefully put together over so many years, now broken as it flooded your whole being with the full force of the sorrow and relief you've buried so deep, you didn't even know if you'd be able to ever make it surface again. But there it was, and his words brought your own forth, and with Jake's words in mind, with lessons of forgiveness and second chances learnt, you spoke, hoping he'd listen, hoping these words could undo at least some of the hurt you put the other through.

“I’m sorry, too. Teyam, I’m so sorry. After losing my parents, you, this family, were all I had. You were everything to me, and I came to rely on you so much, I couldn’t envision life without you. When you left, it broke something in me. It brought back feelings I was yet to deal with, ghosts that haunted me in the middle of the night, insecurities that continue to plague me to this day, fears of being unlovable, of being too much, of not being enough. I have always been too harsh, too guarded, I have always answered every problem with my fists first and my mind second. I’ve never known how to deal with grief, and so I did it in the only way I knew how - by turning it to anger. By making you the enemy. Every time your absence hurt, I needed my presence to hurt you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being cruel, I’m sorry for taking it too far. I’m so sorry.” 

It was necessary, this moment that was long overdue, and although you were sorrowful of the fact it took losing so much for you to realise it, you were grateful that did come in the end. You were happy that, as you moved your head slightly to rest your ear against his chest, listening to his slowly-calming heartbeat, you felt safe again in his embrace while you finally took in your sister’s body, that he spent more time that you could even conceive getting her ready for the ceremony, when you didn't. You were grateful that you didn’t have to go through it by yourself, but with the one person who’s known Oare just as long as you, who’s loved her just as much as you loved Seze, the person who despite it all, knew you to your core - your biggest dreams, your biggest worries, your biggest fantasies, your biggest fears. And here it was, the biggest fear, manifested in front of you like a sleep-paralysis demon, that you had no choice but to brave through, but at least, right in this moment, you didn’t have to brave it alone. 

"Thank you. For taking care of her while I couldn't."

"You don't have to thank me. So many things might have changed between us, but this... this never will."

The ceremony was as hard on you as you expected, and by the end, you were so spent, both physically and emotionally, you knew you were in dire need of a nap, one that didn't end in the morning, and maybe not for a few good days. You looked over at Neteyam, who kept his distance, allowing you to be caged in between Lo'ak and Kiri's bodies while you mourned, but who helped you lower Oare into the tree nook where she would lay forever, shedding silent tears as he placed an atokirina on her, his hand finding your lower back as you both said your final goodbyes.

One day, you'd find another ikran. One day, you'll be able to fly again, and think of flying as the beautiful, freeing experience you have come to rely on for your sanity and happiness for the last 7 years. One day. But not today. And not for a long time. Oare made your life special, and worth living. Flying meant what it did to you in no small part because of her. Her thoughts, peaceful and serene, a nice balance to your own, kept you steady and focused in battled, mid flight. Not being able to return the favour would be something you'll have to deal with in time, but as you felt your entire family's presence surrounding you, enveloping you in love and care, as you felt Neteyam's lips make contact with the side of your head in a gesture you've known him capable of, just not with you, you knew, one day, you'll be okay again.

'Cause we were like the mall before the internet It was the one place to be The mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams

It was hot and humid in the forest as you trained - something about the deforestation brought about by the humans made the weather feel hotter, or so the human scientists told you. Either way, you felt as though you were inhaling water instead of air as you tried to catch your breath, the last drill always the hardest in the routine, always the one that broke most Na’vi who were unfortunate enough to be considered good enough to be trained directly by Toruk Makto himself… but not you. You did it, feeling fire in your lungs and sweat mingling with the blood spilling from various cuts from across your body and exacerbating the sting you felt prickling like needles throughout your whole being. Each muscle felt like it was being split in half, but you couldn’t care less. Not now, not when you were so close to beating Neteyam, not when victory would feel so sweet, not when you would be able to collapse in the dirt and pass out the moment it was over. 

In the few months since the ceremony, life was more about healing for you than it had ever been. It was a nice change of pace, the peace, one you haven’t known since your parents were still alive, and for the first time in your life, you felt… almost whole. There were still things missing of course - your parents, who you kept in thoughts and prayers every day, and your sister, who you swore Eywa reincarnated in your new ikran, whose thoughts reminded you too much of hers for it to be mere coincidence. 

“Vi, you better focus if you want to have any chance at beating me.”

You scoffed, and watched as he flew past you, not before sending a small wink your way, that made you lose your footing for a second, before quickly composing yourself and continuing.

“Don’t get cocky, mighty warrior.”

As far as your relationship with Neteyam went, it took a long while, but in time, you managed to mend what once seemed unmendable and earn each other’s trust once more. It was an uphill battle, most days, but you were grateful to have your best friend back, and to be able to finally meet the Neteyam everyone knew and loved, the one that was kind and considerate, funny and charming, helpful and loving to everyone around him. You were grateful that now, that included you, too. Your mateship was never brought up again, not to the family, that knew you needed this time, and was happy to let you have it. The possibility of it was no longer looming over you like a threat, but more like a golden aura of inevitability that you wouldn’t mind giving into, once the pieces were soldered back together through the mutual effort you were both willing to put into to rebuild both your broken hearts. One day he'd be yours and you'll be his… 

But not today, as he beat you, with just barely a split second to spare.

“Ah, that’s too bad… maybe one day. One day, you’ll beat me at this, and on that day, Vi, I will fall to my knees in eternal servitude.” 

When you kicked him in the shin, with all your might, and watched as he fell on his knees in front of you, you smirked, the grin wild and unwavering as you circled him, lifting his chin with your index finger and willing him to look in your eyes, mischievous and filled with amusement. 

“Hmm, look! You’re already on your knees, Teyam. Now… about the eternal servitude…”

You had no time to react as he grabbed your wrist in his hand and pulled you towards him, until you both fell on the ground, and when he kissed you, you melted, like you normally did in the few times it has happened since that first time, in your clearing. You promised you’d take it slow, but in your defence, you were only Na’vi, and this was, in fact, a lot slower than how you wanted to take it. 

You let his fingers roam your body and rejoiced at the way his lips were warm and skilled as they moved on yours, his tongue tracing your bottom lip before you parted them, allowing yourself the pleasure of this kiss, that meant so much to you, that you will never ever take for granted again. 

“You taste fucking amazing, tsxepvi. Maybe next time, if you apologise and behave, you’ll actually get to cum.” 

You both laughed in the kiss, and with a mental note to yourself to apologise and behave tonight, you knew you were ready to take the next step in this new life, one which neither you or Neteyam would ever have to brave alone ever again. When your lips parted, and he got up from the ground with a soft groan, images of your childhood flashed before your eyes, warm and beautiful, once more, as he stretched out a hand for you. You took it gratefully, allowing him to help you rise, making a silent promise to yourself to commit to more risings than falls, for as long as you could help it.

"Friends?"

"Friends."

The sight that flashed before me was your face Over and over, when the sound goes down

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