#IM DONE I CAN FINALLY KILL MYSELF
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[I can't take this anymore]
[there are certain things I can't hide from.]
[...]
[you leaned back to the door, grabbing the door handle and about to sprint out.]
[you felt her gaze.]
[Behind you stand a woman. She wore glasses, and had choppy dark hair. Her eyes gleamed. It seems as though her eyes were the only thing that didnt change.]
"I know you'll find me, Higan...but not now...just..not now"
...
I don't think I ever stopped looking for you, Peachy.
But it's too late to stop you now, I suppose.
[You should move on.]
"It's not your fault, not completely, at least."
...
"I need some space, Higan"
Nono you're gonna leave me. Just like her, all those years ago.
"I need some space."
....
I-I'm...
...
[You stepped out of the darkness. The void enveloped the other figure.]
[The door creaked close, you let your vision slip through the opening, keeping an eye on the hate you created yourself. She was not your enemy, but you made her.]
[That day, a monster was born out of your own selfish need for ignorance]
[The cycle never ends]
[but perhaps...]
"What do I do? Where do I go? I can't go home, I don't know how...even if I did, I just can't."
[You need to move on.]
...
[I'll see you soon, Peachy]
#I FORGOT HER FUCKING GLASSES.#I don't even care atp#this took SM energy#oh my god#part 6#IM DONE I CAN FINALLY KILL MYSELF#uaghaa#time to take a break...#*insert me leaning back and groaning like an old grandpa hard at work*#lore#pharmacist's notes#arg#alternate reality game#unreality#...and like that....the 2nd arc is over....#pjsk#pjsk au#airi momoi#art#animation
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walter white from breaking bad
Walter Hartwell White (Breaking Bad) is an Anime Girl!
#my name is walter hartwell white. i live at 308 negra arroyo lane albuquerque new mexico 87104. this is my confession. if youre watching thi#s tape im probably dead. murdered by my brother in law hank schrader. hank has been building a meth empire for over a year and using me as#is chemist. shortly after my 50th birthday hank came to me with a rather shocking proposition. he asked that i use my chemistry knowledge t#cook methamphetamine which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. connections that he made through his career with the#DEA. i was... astounded. i always thought that hank was a very moral man and i was thrown. confused. but i was also particularily vulner#able at the time. something he knew and took advantage of. i was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. han#took me on a ride along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. and i was weak. i didnt want my family to#go into financial ruin so i agreed. every day i think back at that moment with regret. i quickly realized that i was in way over my head an#hank had a partner. a man named gustavo fring. a business man. hank essentially sold me into servitude to this man and when i tried to quit#fring threatened my family. i didnt know where to turn. eventually hank and fring had a falling out. from what i can gather hank was always#pushing for a greater share of the business to which fring flatly refused to give him and things escalated. fring was able to arrange uh i#uess you could call it a hit. on my brother in law. and failed but hank was seriously injured. and i ended up paying his medical bills whic#amounted to a little over 177000. upon recovery hank was bent on revenge working with a man named hector salamanca. he plotted to kill frin#and did so. in fact the bomb that he used was built by me and he gave me no option in it. i have often contemplated suicide but i am a cowa#d. i wanted to go to the police but i was frightened. hank had risen in the ranks to become head of the DEA and about that time to keep me#n line he took my children. for 3 months he kept them.my wife who up until that point had no idea of my criminal activities was horrified t#learn what i had done. why hank had taken our children. we were scared. i was in hell i hated myself for what i had brought upon my family.#recently i tried once again to quit to end this nightmare and in response he gave me this. i cant take this anymore. i live in fear every#ay that hank will kill me or worse hurt my family. i... all i could think to do was make this video in hope that the world will finally see#this man for what he really is.#breaking bad#walter white#your fave is an anime girl#your fave is#hall of fame
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itz taking over my brain againnn .........
#and by it#well letz just sayyy ....#digitaltime#spooky's soliloquies#killing myself im almost done with the first chapter of my fic#GET FUCKING READY INTERNET BECAUSE ONCE ITZ COMPLETED I CAN FINALLY END MY LIFE !!!!!!
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🦋
#i keep thinking about that post about insulin on&off and i think its bc it makes me feel hypocritical to be so affronted by it#seeing as homegrown medicine is like. my whole Thing&the reason why im alive lol.#but i think i finally figured out what bothered me so much&i guess i kind of noticed it immediately too bc i kind of mentioned it.#i had to learn medicine to survive which means all my experimentation was done entirely on myself.#&it was traditional medicine that was being made w/o western tools or help for literally centuries.#&i did it to keep me alive long enough to get LIFE SAVING medicine. the kind of medicine insulin is.#&i have never been anything other than openly disgusted w the fact that i had to do all that to survive.#i do practice on ppl now when i can but these ppl ALSO have no other options&im not prescribing life saving meds.#&most importantly like i said in the tags on that post it feels v condescending to use insulin as a point#when you yourself do not use homegrown insulin-- or insulin in general.#i obviously know anarchistic medicine is necessary&lifesaving. but i also think that the medical advances weve made thus far#as a species should be readily available to the ppl who need it w/o having to risk dangerous methods to potentially get it.#it does not take a huge margin of error to kill someone w bad insulin. not by any stretch of the imagination.#downplaying it to 'but its so easy to make' feels incredibly inappropriate from ppl who DO NOT need it to survive.#idk maybe im just looking for reasons to justify myself so i dont feel like a flatout hypocrite lmao.#but in my head somewhere this makes sense lmao.
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finished my entire social emotional learning class and the science lesson is stil bugged ^_^ AWESOME!
#i submitted a bug report bc like Im going to kill myself. i literally have like 50 fucking lessons lef tbefore i can finally fucking#graduate and bc lf their dumbass ui update i fucking cant. please kys.#I COULD LITERALLY GRADUATE TODAY! 50 LESSONS I COULD GET THAT DONE B4 BEDTIME! BUT NO!#also you cant submit a bug report as a student which is the most . its fucking stupid ill be real. so i just liedand said i was a parent lo
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⠀
#cw negative#its not that bad i just need 2 rant for a bit#because like why does my mother say such ridiculous shit sometimes#i went to go wash my dish and she said ah youre finally doing the dishes .. LIKE i try to but what do i do when my brother insists on doing#it everytime ! and takes it from my hands and blocks the sink and he’ll make a big fuss if i don’t let him do it !#like literally scold me and tell me to put it down or else he’ll get irritated#i lightheartedly told her that and then she was like well yeah you're still a woman then went on about how its the womans job to [ . . . ]#its really the small things like that i think. she has such outdated beliefs. i hear her saying things like its the womans job to take care#of the house and her man and etc and i'm like ok i Know i literally won't win if i try to do so much as nudge her#but then she also talks about other things that just irk the shit out of me !!! the rapture abortion etc#the one time she told me to my face if she couldve aborted me she would have. making comments on my body and just#i don't hate her. overall we have a good relationship. but its just these small things and her gross outdated beliefs and how gullible she#can be and stuff like that. she tells me i have such an easy life but i can't bear to tell her i was ever suicidal or ever self harmed#because i KNOW she'd tell me i'd go to hell if i ever tried to kill myself#i know this wholeee thing might be really intense and sad and stuff but i'm totally okay /gen i'm just! awfully irritated#thinking back on all those dumbass things she's said and done like. agh;;#its not her fault i think ive noticed a lot of filipina women (or at least the ones around me) tend to hold those beliefs so she was prolly#taught these as a child but . come on!! im so tired of the misogynistic shit she says and . ugh#cw self harm mention#cw suicide mention
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ok got a notebook so now i can scrapbook … it’s over for y’all
#stream#finally getting organized now that i’m#i have a free time#for like a week#no literally like a week it’s now then a few days at the end of this week then like a day or 2 this coming#then it’s Family Time 😍😍 & im go in g to kill myself ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAA#like if y’all piss me off …#ANYWAY#shoutout to moleskin bc i love them they’re soo cute & they r bendy & they have the little clasp thing#‘claps thing’ the fucking elsastic hand to keep it closed that can easily be made w any notebook#i’ve had this pocket moleskin since literally 2019 & im like 2/3 through it so i got a new 1 for when that’s done + these little carnet like#ones that u can tear the paper out of to keep in my bags so i’m not CAREYING MY DIARY AROUND ALL THE TIME - & i can write notes physically &#also the i want to say it’s a ‘large’ notebook but it’s just a normal 1 & it’s nice i mean it’s not the full legal piece of paper size so it#may be a medium idk but that’s going to be my scrapbook bc i’ve tons of stickers n shit from old trips & like tickets stubs & it’s just#in a box#like girl we can put this in a book & HAVE A BOX
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OH about the finale at the shrine, this completely slipped my notice when we were talking about it, but Ichi says he's "reporting" Jo's verdict to both Arakawa and Masato. It's just not translated that way.
Not too big of a difference (well, it is to me, but I'm insane), but if it was highlighting anything, I'd guess it's probably Masato's change of heart. It would've been fair for Ichi to assume Masato wouldn't care and only "report" to Arakawa, but in the context of Ichi doing his damnedest to show Masato they all love him, it works in terms of, "Maybe I made him reconsider, and maybe now he would care."
Also... I'm looking at it in a "measured" way, since the chapter trophies are always just standard "Nth Chapter Cleared" messages that the localization team just spices up for us, but there's something I find really poignant about the Chapter 13 trophy being worded as "Fate of Our Fathers." The pluralization of both the noun and pronoun. Realizations that come too late.
Of course, Masato definitely didn't "know" and had no real reason to suspect it, but the Arakawas have this bizarre subconscious almost-psychic link. So even if he doesn't really think so, there's this sense that Ichi "might as well" be Arakawa's "real" son because they're so much more alike. And maaaybe he felt that way about Jo and himself at one point, because (as we've discussed) there has to be a reason Jo was Masato's "favorite."
[Follow up to this ask]
#snap chats#yeah i have no real notes sorry LMAO LIKE THIS IS GOOD ON ITS OWN YK. every base is covered#LIKE nothing i could say could really enhance anything or add much. god im so bad at words i should drop dead right now#i can reaffirm that masato definitely sees ichi as arakawass 'real' son if his whole 'you remind me of dad' bit is anything to go off of#thats a weird line/sentiment now aint it#masato didnt consider him and ichi as family and ergo he's angry at how similar ichi and arakawa are#i guess that's more of a deep-dive into that hypothetical masato essay ill probably never get to- why masato hates arakawa like he does#about 'fate of /our/ /fathers/' tho thats def an interesting point no matter how you slice it#'our fathers' could refer to arakawa and sawashiro and ichi and masato respectively#i.e. masumi- ichi's bio father and sawashiro- masato's bio father- and what happens to them by the end of the game yk#there's an alt way to see if as both arakawa and sawashiro as both ichi and masato's fathers#though im gonna chewing my cheek on that one. sure we've compared sawashiro to an abusive stepparent#idk... i think it's just cause ichi shows up well into his teens that it doesnt register in my brain that sawashiro could be a father figur#but thats MY personal dumb ass rambling im just here to vaguely try to interpret the title in multiple ways to cover everything#moving on tho... the use of 'our' prevents 'fathers' referring to only one of them . so. Aforementioned Possibilities have been listed#making it sound like i have anything else to say I DONT I ALREADY SAID EVERYTHING dummy. putting myself in the dunce corner#on that note. hopefully it finally got through to masato how much people loved him before he got ganked#i mean for sure it did but yk. still mad about y7 ending im gonna kill someone In Minecraft#'i have nothing else to say' LIAR YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!! THE FUCK ARE THESE TAGS STUPID ASS#anyway im going back to my google doc. im almost done with another cringe fic. sorry#BYE
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actually while im exhausted im gonna rant 🤩
#kats personal#uh neg overall but idk if any specifics#anyways im Exhausted like incredibly exhausted and im skipping classes where i can#and im telling myself i'll catch up online but 🫠 oops hehe#part of me feels like i should have just dropped to part time uni this sem#or defferred the entire sem and just pick up uni again next sem#but there is so much guilt associated with every action i 'could' take that i just. dont take it?#and im probably gonna end up asking for extensions AGAIN for assignments this sem#esp w the final assignments#which sucks because i really wabted to submit them asap so i can get uni over and done w and focus on my end of year holiday#anyways had to email one of my unit coords early bc of the type of assignment etcetc#and ive had him in prev sems bc he is/was my major coordinator as well#anyways so he 🧍🏻♂️ is pretty chill w extensions and doesnt even rrally need a reason bc he trusts us HAHA#but i ended up getting extensions for all the indiv assignments in his class last sem and he was yeah like super chill and lenient#but this time he suggested we catch up via teams soe he can check up on/in with me and im like#🤩 haha uh oh 🤩🤩🤩🤩#like i dont mind + am comfortable telling jim the actual contexts but i just. idk im scared i wont do it right/say Too Much#but idk#and i feel so silly whenever i talk to ANYONE about how family stuff impacts my uni stuff and how they end up making the other worse ??#bc its like. 'okay why dont you xyz' and im like 🙂🙂🙂#bc no ive thought about it ofc but i realise how silly it is for me to say oh its bc of family and guilt and expectations#bc as much as we're/im aware that i shouldnprioritise myself over all of that#its SOOO much easier said than done#and the guilt can (literally) quite potentially kill me so 🤩#anyways yeah i 🧍🏻♂️#i dont even like telehealth appts bc they feel so so impersonal (???) and disconnected ??#so idk how a teams meeting is gonna go given the context 🫠#idk i kijd of hope im making a big deal out of nothing#but at the same time i hope im not bc i'd feel so 🫠🫠🫠 if it was super easy#idk how to explain it
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#this is a rant#x#this has been the worst academic year for me ever lmao i need it to end so badly#just submitted an assignment that is sooo bad I cringe just thinking about it#and ofc I turned it in late. it was the stupidest thing ever but i still managed to do bad#i try to reassure myself with words like yeah! it’s ok this is just not your strength! you’re good at something else!#but even then i feel like im lying to myself#procrastination is my worst enemy and it Killed me this year lol#I barely got anything done completely. did little to no homework#i guess that explains why even when I study for a test the night before#i still dont get a good grade#anyway idk i like to think that if i had done at least half of the homework and daily studying that i should’ve done I would be in a better#position. that I would get academic validation#it’s almost over anyways but I’ll try and do everything i can for my finals. and then im free#and im gonna do better in general for next year#felt good to let that out <3
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this is so devastating just realized if i'd done literally one more discussion post i could have actually had a shot at an A-
#fucked up an evil.#all this assuming i absolutely kill the seven page paper due in 4.5 hours i've barely started. so who knows.#I AM SO TIRED OF UNDERACHIEVING. I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH. IM TIRED OF IT.#so much of this semester and of college tbh has been knowing i could have done better if i was just a little more dedicated and focused#and then not changing. i hate it so much it makes me feel so fucking bad and almost all of my problems can be traced back to this one#im just tired!!! like im tired of this!!!!#and then i talk to people and they're just like oh have you tried just doing it? like making a list? just sitting down and doing it?#as if i dont spend hours upon hours sitting scrolling and willing myself to do exactly that#im just. yeah. im tired. dont wanna do this anymore.#like i literally can't do this anymore.#worst part is i was finally starting the paper and then i thought about my grade a little and went to the calculator#and now im like. actively upset. FUCKED UP AND EVIL!!!!!!
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Has an emotion not discussed in 8 episodes of the midnight gospel and no longer knows what to do with myself
#guess I’ll just have to watch all of them and look for quotes that could relate to this#it’s like happy nostalgia but ready to move ahead like my bedroom walls are rearranged but the posters are all the same and it just makes me#so happy like :))) I carried a part of my past bedroom with me as I carry my past selves with me and that is beautiful and I am making way#for my future self to come into my skin and hold this version of me tenderly and I’ve come so far from the worst parts of my life it’s#incredible I’ve come so far and I’m finally happy and I think I’m in a place where I can add a job to my life and not immediately becoming#a spiraling depression anxiety suicidal mess like I have been in the past when one change to my life is made#like I think I’m ready to actually do this and work and not think about killing myself every day#like as depressing as that sounds that is huge for me#I know im just high and thinking about my own brain but like I really have done a lot to love myself and treat myself with kindness and it’s#fucking hard but I am really in a place where I love myself and I love my life and I feel I can continue and face challenges head on and#still he happy and it’s incredible
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Saw your "felt like ghost' post. You're alright?
No but It’ll be alright. I can count on that like the tides at least.
#idk how to answer this#no#no no no never but ive found i can be sad all by myself and surrounded by friends so alright is relative#rn im in existential crisis week and i know it logically but emotionally the Entire World™️ is actually here to kill me#and im feeling out of sorts at work socially cause. i try hard and its like. everyone will bitch#if the shit isnt done but there is never a thanks for doing it#so i feel…like a ghost#something that rattles things and makes change but is never thanked and more noticed by absence of activity#and i didnt take one (1) break all weekend while down with strep and i finally take one at behest of my kid and i end up hearing that#inside workers are talking shit on me. im. heartbroken. and feel invisible yet far too seen.
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O8 stuck with you — im on top (of you) !
scaramouche x gender neutral reader
The day you had been dreading was finally upon you.
“Stop looking so sad,” Yoimiya sighs as she looks over to where you were slumped on the floor of the recording studio you guys were in.
“My beautiful voice…mixed in with his,” you shuddered at the mere thought of his vocals sullying the album.
“Quit being so dramatic,” Lumine chastised, reaching over to get you off the floor.
You look over to where Scara was similarly slumped on the floor, staring into the wall as his group members conversed around him. Looks like he wasn’t too into the idea of recording with you either.
“You guys ready?” Albedo asks, walking in carrying a stack of papers as he walks past you guys to the soundbooth. The young blonde had been one of the company’s producers since you’d debuted. He reminded you a mix between Kazuha and Xiao, quiet but managed to get his artistic vision across.
“You two,” Albedo gestures to you and Scara, “I was instructed to get you both done quickly before working on the group song.”
“Jean really slotted all this time and took into consideration how much Scaramouche and Yn bicker,” Fischl muses.
“What are we singing?” Scaramouche asks, flipping through the page of lyrics Albedo handed you both.
“A love song,” Albedo answers, hooking a pair of headphones onto his head, “Let’s just try it out and see what needs to be added, go on then.”
He gently pushes you into the recording booth as you both tug on your own pair of headphones.
You eye the lyrics as you tug the microphone closer to you, wincing at the implications behind the words.
The first few attempts were disastrous to say the least. Scaramouche kept criticizing your timing and you kept pointing out how he was overpowering the track. Albedo’s patience, which was unbelievably high if he worked with the likes of you, was wearing thin as you both argued over every line.
After a take that finally sounded decent Albedo gestures for you two to come out of the booth.
“Are we finally done?” Scara asks.
“That sounded pretty good to me,” Childe pipes up.
“If you guys had collaborated earlier we would be drowning in so much money right now,” Venti sighs dejectedly.
“Almost,” Albedo answers, fingers flying over his keyboard, "I just need you both to moan,” Albedo deadpanned.
“What?” Scara slowly says, like he’s on the verge of strangling Albedo by the neck.
“Before you say anything just listen to this clip.”
You couldn’t even process anything before Albedo was hitting play and your gentle voice mixed with Scara’s came out of the speakers, followed by some harmonies by Aether and then Xiao that he’d added in later. It all sounded good as they all harmonized together, but even you could feel that something was missing.
“So, you need us to do what ?”
“Moan, so I can use it as backup vocals,” Albedo hummed, twirling a pen with his fingers, seeming nonchalant about what he was asking of them.
“Fuck no,” Scara says, jutting a finger at you, “Why do I have to moan on the same song as them.”
“I don’t want to either,” you huff as your members erupt into a fit of laughter behind you. The traitors.
“It’s just my suggestion,” Albedo says, putting his hands up, “Just try it out.”
“I don’t get paid enough for this, how am I supposed to moan with Yn next to me?”
“I get dried up just looking at you.”
“The world gets dry from looking at you.”
“You should have no trouble faking a moan, since it’s probably what everyone you’ve ever slept with has done.”
Albedo snaps his fingers in front of you both.
“I don’t care how you do it, just harmonize a moan or two for me,” Albedo says, pushing you both back into the booth, “I would like to go home early for once.”
“We won’t be able to see you,” Albedo adds, “So feel free to do whatever helps you get out the best moans.”
“Gross,” Scara called out as Albedo shut the door behind him.
“I’m going to kill myself,” you mumble as you tug the microphone towards you once again.
Scara glares at you as you both stand in the booth, the microphone between you two a symbol of your forced cooperation. You can feel the tension radiating off him, and it's not helping your own nerves. You take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself.
"Let's just get this over with," you mutter, avoiding Scara's eyes.
"Fine," he snaps, crossing his arms. "But don't think for a second that I'm happy about this."
You roll your eyes. "Yeah, well, neither am I."
There's a long, uncomfortable silence as you both stare at the microphone. Outside the booth, Albedo is watching, his expression expectant. You glance at Scara, trying to gauge his mood. He's scowling, but there's a flicker of something else in his eyes—something like hesitation.
"Look," you say, trying to sound reasonable in an attempt to get this over with. "Let's just do one take and see how it goes. If it sounds terrible, we can convince Albedo to scrap the idea."
Scara raises an eyebrow, but after a moment, he nods. "Fine. One take."
You both lean towards the microphone, your faces inches apart. You can feel Scara's breath on your skin, and it sends a shiver down your spine. You close your eyes, trying to block out the awkwardness, and focus on the task at hand.
Taking a deep breath, you let out a soft, hesitant moan. It feels strange and embarrassing, but you push through, hoping it will be over soon. Beside you, Scara does the same, his moan blending with yours.
Scaramouche’s moans would usually sound like a sexually-transmitted disease: gross and something that you’d never touch with a fifteen-foot pole, but for a moment, it created an unexpected harmony.
Albedo's voice crackles through the intercom. "That was... actually not bad. Let's try it one more time, but with a bit more feeling. Scara, go a bit lower.”
You both go through the motions again, and you try to ignore how Scara’s moans sound so resonant through your headphones and the heat on your cheeks from making such an intimate sound beside him.
Albedo’s voice comes through the intercom again. “Perfect. That’s exactly what we needed.”
You sigh with relief, tugging off the headphones as fast as you could and slipping out the booth.
As you and Scara step out of the booth, you're immediately met with the smirking faces of the other members. They're lounging on the studio couch, looking far too amused for your liking.
Childe is the first to speak, a stupid grin plastered across his face. "Well, well, look at you two. Didn't know you two were that freaky."
Lumine snickers, giving you both a mock round of applause. "That was hot. It felt like I was interrupting.”
“I hope you all die,” Scara says from beside you before turning to Albedo, “And you’re a freak for suggesting that.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Albedo hums, already tuning them out as he has his headphones back on.
"Alright, alright," you say, trying to change the subject. "Can we please focus on something else now?"
Venti stands up, stretching. "Fine, fine. But you know we’re never going to let you live this down, right?"
“I’m personally going to buy several copies of this album,” Yoimiya giggles.
“I hope Albedo makes you guys do something embarrassing,” you huff.
"No wonder you're still a virgin if you sound like that when moaning,” Scaramouche says, smirking as he slips past you to sit on the couch.
“Shut up,” you grumble.
“Can’t even defend yourself,” Scara taunts.
“Lot of talk for someone who also hasn’t gotten laid in a while,” Aether whistles.
“Whose side are you on, Aether?!”
//
Later that day
“Let’s just get this over with,” you sigh as you follow your members towards the studio.
“I’m excited,” Venti hums, skipping ahead of you.
“I’m surprised at how quickly they pulled this together,” Xiao comments, opening the door for you, “It’s like they’ve been waiting for you two to fuck up.”
“Which you have, several times,” Lumine unhelpfully pipes up from behind you.
“I’m so sick of you guys,” you grumble, accepting your fate.
As you walked into the studio, you could only stare in disbelief at the high ceiling, the windows that took the length of the walls letting in the evening light, poppy color mottled across the sky as the sun quietly set behind you. Wealth practically drips from the room as you look around. You never even used this space for your album photoshoots, since you guys never needed such a big space for just you six.
In one of the corners you spotted a large camera standing tall in front of a white backdrop, the ground adorned with roses and petals. The white-pink petals fluttered in the wind as the fans in the corner caused them to float throughout the studio. The reds and pinks jump out against the white. It was sickeningly romantic. You wanted to throw up at the implication.
You spotted Jean talking to Scaramouche, who looked like she was giving the other a pep talk before she spotted you and waved you over.
“Yn! We were just discussing the photoshoot, Lisa will instruct you two after she’s done talking to the crew. I need to go chat with them, you two stay here and get ready,” Jean rushed out, calling over some stylists to fix you guys up, already out of breath as she dashed over to Lisa.
“You’re late,” Scara says as his greeting as a group of women start fussing over your guys’ hair and outfits.
“You’re early, tryhard.”
“Not your best comeback,” Yoimiya whistles from a few feet away.
“Alright you guys,” Lisa calls out, walking over to where your groups were gathered getting touched up, “We’re going to get the group shots over with, then some solo ones, and we’ll separate to do some pairing shots.”
//
They all stood together awkwardly as they waited for the staff to finish setting up the cameras, once they finally did they led the group and positioned them. For group pictures they had all the girls stand to one side and the guys on the other, so you guys were in a crescent moon shape. Right after you all separate, the girls in another set and the males in a different one.
The cameraman moved and adjusted everyone for what felt like a hundred dozen times before he finally clapped and positioned you guys to take the picture. He had you hold a pose where you were sitting on a bench and leaning on your side for what felt like forever, you would surely gain some sort of back pain from this.
The most awkward part was the solo photoshoots. Even after becoming an idol you still felt awfully awkward when doing them, but when it was just your members you could manage. But being in front of Scara made you feel extra self conscious.
People like Aether and Childe had a blast, and all the girls seemed to be enjoying it. But you felt quite embarrassed as you were told to pose seductively and show more skin. You weren't alone in this predicament, since Xiao and Kazuha seemed to be having a tough time as well when they were forced to manspread on some seats. Scaramouche became complacent and let the cameraman adjust him accordingly, he even went along with the whorish poses Lisa was having too much fun making them all do.
“Doesn’t Scara look good manspreading half naked like that?” Venti whispers in your ear.
You jump, startled as you stare back at him in disdain.
“No,” you scoff, “Stop ogling him.”
You’re still still stuck on the fact that Scaramouche is shirtless and actually has a decent build. Yes, it's objectively hot—something that you’d admit under the pain of getting an arm hacked off—but it's also quite insane.
With the group photoshoot finished, they all bid farewell as they separated off into their own corners to do their paired shots.
“Alright, Scara and Yn you guys are going to be in Set B,” Jean stated, gently pushing the two of them in that direction. You look and spot the dreaded set where it looked like cupid himself threw up.
You both trailed behind the cameramen over to it, trying your best to not step and wilt any of the flowers artistically placed on the ground.
“Okay, I’m in charge of you guys!” Lisa grinned as you guys approached her, “I’m going to have so much fun with you two.”
“Not too much fun,” Scaramouche grumbles as you both go to stand before the camera.
“Scara, don’t be a prude and unbutton your shirt. Yn, I need you to lay down,” Lisa instructs, walking over and pushing you down until you’re laying down on the petals. You were still reluctant at the fact you would have to do a paired photoshoot with Scara, so your reaction time was still quite slow. Lisa eventually just adjusted your body as needed and bent down next to you, spreading out your hair and laid some petals on it, standing up to admire her work.
“Scaramouche, you’re gonna hover over them and hold that position for a while, and when I say next you lean in as if you’re going to kiss them. Is that alright?” Lisa asked, already heading back to the camera and having the cameramen adjust it lower to capture them in the frame.
“If I say no, does that do anything?” Scara asks.
“No! Now get to it!”
Scara mutters a curse under his breath as he begins to unbutton his button up. You catch a glimpse of his bare skin before he’s kneeling down to knees and crawling over you, placing both palms on either side of your head and leaning forward. Since he couldn’t just hold a plank over you forever, Scara placed one knee in between your legs and another one beside your left leg for stability.
Your breath was hitched in your throat at the proximity, you could see every detail of Scara’s stupid face and makeup from underneath him. You couldn’t help but let your mind wander to how intimate you both were being right now, you’d never been underneath someone like this before. Unless you were being pinned down by Lumine during a fistfight of some sort when you accidentally ate her food.
“Yn! Put your arms around his neck!”
You flinched at Lisa’s yell but did as you were told and wrapped your arms around Scara’s neck, bringing him closer as you did so. There wasn't anywhere to look but at Scara’s eyes, which felt awkward and weird in itself, so you opted for your eyes to wander. But they landed on his lips instead, which wasn’t any better.
Scara’s dark eyes bore into yours, his gaze not wavering as you looked everywhere but at him. That was before you realized this was a literal photoshoot and adjusted your eyes back to him.
“Both of you, stop glaring!”
Scaramouche sighed above you, before forcing himself to soften his gaze towards you. It felt odd to be looked at like an equal by him.
You study Scaramouche closely, now that you’re forced to. He has these lips that are plush pink and they meet just barely like the slightest touch would coax them open. His eyelashes are long and there’s a beauty mark just shy of his eye coated over with concealer. His ears are small and there’s an assortment of earrings hanging off of them, ones he never wears during practice. He’s stupidly pretty. It makes you want to punch him.
“Alright, hold for ten then move to the next position.”
Ten seconds? That felt like hours due to the way Scara was looking down at you, a fabricated gentle gaze in his eyes as he eyed you up and down.
“Next!”
“The faster we comply the faster I can get out of this stupid position with you,” Scara huffs, his voice barely above a whisper before he leans forwards and hovers his lips right above your jaw. Your body instinctively moves its hands to run through his hair, as if you both were actually going to kiss. God forbid.
“Cut!”
The lights dimmed and Scara immediately pushed himself off of you. You slowly sat up, dizzy from the stress of being that close to someone you disliked.
“I’m the one who had to hover over you and you’re tired? Pathetic,” Scara huffs, reaching down to roughly tug your arm so you’re standing and almost immediately letting go of you after.
“Don’t you think this is a little too much?” Scara asks, walking ahead of you towards where Lisa was looking through the photos
��We made everyone do paired shoots, see!” Lisa says, turning the screen to show you.
You and Scara scroll through to see all your members in pairs like you both, but none of them are quite like yours.
“So Venti and Aether got to pose in a car and we had to fake a kiss?” Scara scoffs, “Where’s the delete button–?"
Lisa yanks the camera from him before he has the chance and shoos them off.
“I’ve got enough from you guys, go get your makeup undone.”
“This is so dumb,” you grumble as you follow behind Scara. All of this work because you both couldn’t keep your mouth shut during an awards show and now you had to fake being in love with the idiot.
You pray to Buddha, God, and whatever other deity out there that was most certainly laughing at you, that you can manage to get along with Scaramouche before anyone does notice it’s all fake.
stuck with you!
masterlist — prev | next
when i say moans i mean like the song Mmmh by KAI like do u see the vision
also the album cover can be you or one of the other members depending on what ur comf with 😇
pls ignore how is it fake is listed twice 😔 also the lyrics are from taylor i can see you
yk the drill comment on the masterlist if i can use ur user and make u a fan
synopsis — after the disaster that was the live award show, where you and scaramouche got into an argument on stage after both of your groups got a tie for top artists, your guys' PR teams have been in shambles trying to scrape up your mess. that's when the idea to send you both off with some other idols to a remote location for a survival dating show to mend your public image comes up. before you know it your bags are packed and you’re on a plane to a remote island. the only obligation is you need to end up with scaramouche at the end of the show, whether you end up liking him or not doesn’t matter to your managers as long as the show’s ratings stay high. whatever you do in between to get there is up to you!
notes sorry guys for the long wait i was lowk goin thru it but im back 🗣️
taglist closed — @na1lea @cindywasneverhere @lunavixia @aestherin @mlaakai @camvrin @retiredmommylover @iheartpieck @jangyung @cartierfiles @loveariel @silly-ez @mochipls @pomeiu @chuuismylife @flowerypesky @creammpuff @justanothertiredreader @boxdisappeared @kissmiere @kissingkzuha @webbywill @kazusboyfriend @s3xpistolss @pjsucks @bunns-wonderland @lordbugs @localgirlywithnolife @kosumos @danfelions @featuredtofu @pinxeajin @herebyaccident0 @haeunoo @scaradooche @pglt19 @chemiru @childesbabygirl @simonisferal @shutingstar @vxcmx @domimiki @ttalgi @esuz @tokkishouse @kitsuvil @scarasmood @ihearttori @nomurahayami @starringyau @androxphobic @kazuhasbabe
#scaramouche x reader smau#scaramouche x yn#scaramouche x gender neutral reader#scaramouche x male reader#scaramouche x y/n#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche smau#scaramouche x you#stuck with you smau
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What you think of Celeste?
Also, would you do a crossover of Cult of the Lamb with Undertale?
IVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT ONCE AND NOW I CAN ACTUALLY FORCE MYSELF TO IMAGINE IT
Lads, gents, in and out betweens, I present u my married tisms:
GONNA RAMBLE ABOUT IT A LIL BELOW CUZ MY MIND WENT DOODOO THINKING OF THIS:
Narinder was executed after betraying his siblings so his spirit has been haunting the lands for a long time, until the people were forced to abandon it and create their New Home somewhere else. Narinder kept haunting the Ruins until a little lost Lamb fell to his tomb Now seeing themselves stuck in this world, they made a pact with Narinder in order to escape, having to fulfill his desires of revenge by killing his siblings
The Crowns work as Souls here, but only the strongest creatures are able to make them manifest physically as a snake or any other object I drew all of them as snakes here, but now that Im thiking about it, maybe each Bishop could have their own Crowns morphed into an animal companion of their preference, like Heket having a squirrel, Kallamar a fish, Leshy a bird and Shamura a small bat mayhaps 🤔
The Red Crown will work as Flowey here, since it belonged to Narinder, but after the pact was done with the Lamb, it has since then linked itself with Lambert's being in order to guide them through their journey + also serving as means for them to communicate with Narinder In the end, the Final Battle would be with Narinder, after he has absorbed his siblings' souls and others that the Lamb kills. Depending on the Lamb's choice, theyd be able to either fight Narinder out of sympathy for all the creatures that he'd murder in the lands as to complete his revenge, or leave and have Narinder set free to conquer the world maybe with Lamb by his side
Im still thinking of the endings more throughly BUT THATS THE GIST OF IT ALL FOR NOW tysm for asking!! <3
ALSO AS For ur other question, Im not sure which Celeste ure talkng about, is it like a game or character...? :o
#ask#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl au#cult of the lamb au#undertale#ut#undertale au#ut au#help this is the pinnacle of my hyperfixations
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Hello..If you don't mind, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from SVSSS? And why you loved them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the series?
Also, if you don't mind me asking (again), what do you think are Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe's greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Sorry if you've answered these questions before.....
Okay that would take FOREVER so I'll just do my top 5 fav characters and my fav scenes with them
5. Ning Yingying - she's sooo silly... it was so wonderful being introduced to her and seeing her as a dumb airhead who unknowingly gets people in trouble (the pendant incident) and watching her overtime become someone responsible.
OKAYYYY QUEEN i just know she would run Qing Jing peak like it's the navy.. Also very important to me that although she gets serious when the time calls for it, her personality still has remnants of that silly girl we were first introduced to (for example during the return to childhood extra where she assumes a grown ass child is Shen Yuan's baby)
4. Original Luo Binghe
i could spend HOURS talking about how tragic his life was but honestly my reason for liking him as a character is really simple. He gets horny for people who are nice
The fact that he knew the original goods for YEARS and then Shen Yuan gave him cuddles and Bingge went "wait actually Shen Qingqiu is kind of hot??" Real as fuck . I just know after he returned to his world it was like
Bingge: you would be sexier if you were sweet and kind
Sha Hualing: im sorry do you KNOW who you're asking this of
3. Shang Qinghua is... way too real. I feel like everyone can relate to him, especially with how terrible the world is right now. He can't do anything to go against the plot he himself wrote. He's the painful mixure of "if only I had done that differently" and "I can't do anything at all" that everyone experiences.
Moments like this, such as Shang Qinghua interrupting Bingqiu's honeymoon really make his character even more tragic. Without Mobei-Jun, he doesn't really have a place to go... he didn't take the offer to return to his homeworld because there was no one waiting for him there. Even when he's having dinner with his friend, he knows he can't ask for more because sticking around would annoy Binghe. Just kind of wandering around alone and seeing other people be happy together and have a place to go sucks ://
2. My second favourite scene and my second favourite character: Luo Binghe
This scene really made me love SVSSS because it's so rare to find media where characters are actually allowed to be human and insecure. Like I know we call Binghe manipulative and toxic (and he is!) but EVERYONE has at some point in their life felt like they hate them self and no one loves them.
The fact that Luo Binghe has these emotions and they're relevant to the plot is so special to me. It's so disillusioning when a character goes through trauma after trauma and it's never talked about. Binghe going "shizun I hate myself and I want to end the world about it" was just.. *chef's kiss*
My favourite scene byfar: Shen Yuan hugging Binghe in Shen Jiu's memories
I think this was the final nail in the coffin for making me love Shen Yuan.
For all that he insists, "I'm just farming points so the protagonist won't kill me!" when he's put in a situation like this, he's more loving than ever. He can't touch Binghe, but all he wants to do is wipe his tears. It pains him so much to see his dear disciple hurt and vulnerable that he can't do anything but kneel down and try to hug an image of the past. He knows Binghe can't hear him but still tries to comfort him.
"Shizun will never hit you again." is a line that absolutely makes me go crazy, because Shen Yuan was never the one who hit Binghe, that was the original goods. He doesn't care if Binghe knows that it wasn't him who hurt him. All he cares about is making sure Binghe knows it will never happen again, and that Shen Yuan will love and protect him.
Shen Yuan tries so sooo hard to come across as a "reasonable" character but he can't hide how sentimental and emotional he is. He'll complain about how the characters in PIDW don't use their brain, but then you show him a memory of a crying child and say "this happened in the past and there's nothing you can do about it" and he'll still try to hug that child and tell them to stop crying and that they'll be okay. God I love Shen Yuan
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