#IM A FOOL AND A CLOWN IT'S RIGHT THERE

[inkbirdie]

is the shourtney wedding fake? yes absolutely. is it still going to ruin my night because they would 10000% announce their actual marriage like that and what if WHAT IF WHAT IF it's real? yes absolutely.

[fauvester]

its soooo funny how i thought this would be a fun day off but it's been the most exhausting day of my year by far

[bo0zey]

currently sitting in horror n hardcore cringing at myself for thinking it was a good idea to email the ED unit clinical educator panicking abt how i don’t want to show up on my 1st day looking clownish & making my preceptor(s) draw straws for who has to show Bozo around the unit.

[womb-complex]

I’m gonna cryyy I just wish they’d comfort me and tell me I do matter to them and they aren’t really avoiding me

[b14augrana]

Hello , can I request barca x teen reader who loves to play prank and is the Clown of the team but is a very good player and Ballon d'or potential

The Fool

Beyond the jester of a girl that taunts her Barcelona teammates with endless pranks is a world class player that shines on the pitch

Barça Femení x teen!reader

masterlist

Warnings: ✖️

A/N: thank you anon for the request! this is kinda messy and a bit short but i think it does the job. im sorry this took so long for me to write, i hope you like it 💝💝

“(Y/N), hijo de puta!” Mapi screams, looking up to see your head sticking out over the top of the shower cubicle, pouring shampoo on her head. For the last 10 minutes, she’s furiously been trying to wash all the shampoo out of her hair, but it just isn’t coming out. Now she realises why.

Mapi grumbles and finally rinses the last of the shampoo out of her hair, cursing you under her breath with the slightest of smiles. You skid out of the locker room, abandoning the shampoo bottle and laughing to yourself in the halls. You can hear Patri’s laughter ringing from the showers as well, and it makes you smile.

Clowning around is your love language… in a way. It’s your form of putting time and energy into something special. To you, laughter is something special, and if you didn’t love your teammates, you wouldn’t be trying so hard to give them something to enjoy.

It’s your natural personality. You’re unserious, always joking around and having fun, and it is only normal for someone your age. As a teenager, all you want to do is have fun while doing what you love most; playing football.

You‘re damn good at both of those things.

El Clásicos are your favourite matchups. Every season, you look forward to it. Since you bleed blaugrana in every shape and form, you feel like it’s your duty to give the Real Madrid back line something to worry about. You want to be the one to sort them out… for the 16th time. Literally.

When you aren’t troubling your teammates with tricks, you’re troubling defenders.

It‘s kinda your thing.

One through ball from Aitana is all it takes. Your legs feel detached from your body, your strikes at the ground uprooting the grass wherever you step.

And the open space ahead is basically beckoning you in to occupy the green void, which you do.

The space beyond is as much of a blessing to you as it is a curse to the likes of Rocio and Andres.

Rocio and Andres should’ve learnt by now that their old school habit of holding you off will never work. You aren’t being stalled, you’re being invited in. The more you threaten them with small feints and sharp movements that make them twitch, the closer they draw you in to the goal until…

That satisfying swish of the net follows the sound of your foot making hard contact with the ball.

Rocio and Andres should’ve learnt by now that their old school habit of holding you off will never work.

You’re good at your position. You take your game seriously. That’s what surprises everyone the most.

Off the field, you’re regarded as ‘el embaucadora’, the trickster. You’re always pulling pranks, making jokes, finding fun in everything or making it yourself.

Even on the field, you’re no less of a trickster, but it’s less of the pranks and more of your deceptive play style and ability to make defenders dance.

When you play, you perform. To you, any pitch lit up by lights is a place in which your playing becomes poetry with the opportunity to engrave itself in the essence of the stadium, becoming your legacy.

The whistle blows, and you’re off again. The ball finds you again and it feels so right at your feet that every moment feels like you’re on autopilot.

And it finds the goal too fast for you to enjoy, because before you know it you’re walking off the pitch feeling uncomfortably sweaty beyond the swell of victory in your heart.

Alexia looks at you from a distance, the hints of a smile visible on her face, because she knows where hypnotising flair like yours gets you.

Somewhere in France, perhaps?

[hysteria-things]

U SHOULD MAKE A SMUT W CHRIS OR MATT INSPIRED BY THE SONG CARNIVAL BY KANYE AND CARTIII

bonus!

CARNIVAL

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dom!chris x reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: it’s always a fun time at the carnival, but what happens when you and your boyfriend have a little too much fun at the top of the ferris wheel?

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: SMUT, swearing, oral (male receiving), p in v, spit kink, choking, finger sucking, public sex

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1,058

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: i sincerely apologize if this sucks i struggled so hard on it for no reason😃

ib: @guccifrog you can check theirs out here :)

the giant teddy bear that chris won for you is held tightly under your arm. it’s almost as big as you for christ sake. usually, the carnival would freak you out because of the clowns and loads of people, but tonight was going rather smoothly.

he pointed to the ferris wheel, his hand gripping yours that isn’t holding a stuffed animal. “let’s do that.”

you groan. “chris, you know i don’t like heights.”

in boyfriend fashion, he ignores you and drags you to the growing line for the ferris wheel. you sigh, getting jittery as chris smiles like a fool beside you.

waiting very (im)patiently, it’s your guy’s turn to get on. you go first and he sits next to you, the worker locking the door and making sure the two of you are sealed in.

slowly, the ride starts going up, your heart becoming faster the closer it gets to the tippy top. this isn’t some small ferris wheel, it’s one of those big ones that are scary.

with your luck, you guys stop abruptly at the very top. the rocking of the passenger car doesn’t help with your jitteriness.

although, the view is breathtaking. people from below look like aunts as they walk around the concrete and grass. the stars and moon shine just above your head, mixing in with the rainbow flickering lights illuminating from the carnival rides.

voices and laughter flow around the air, and the sound of the carnival helps you relax. having fun with your boyfriend is the key for tonight, not getting anxious over a silly ride.

he admires the way you look right now, staring in awe at the action happening at all angles. scanning your body, he can’t help but think how good of an opportunity this is; being that nobody can see you.

you’re surprised when his lips press firmly on yours, moving in sync like he’s starving for your taste. you don’t stop him. instead, you pull him closer by the face.

both of your tongues swirl in each other’s mouths, saliva quickly coating your lips. moaning at the feeling, he pulls his head away to breathe. some spit is smeared on your chin.

he smirks. “get on your knees for me.”

your teeth are caught between your bottom lip with excitement, happily seating yourself on the ground. chris’ boner peeks through his pants. “well don’t just stare at it.” he mumbles, rolling his eyes.

you pull down his pants and underwear in one go, the way his dick springs out has your mouth watering for more.

starting to move your head to his tip, he grabs your hair to stop you. “spit.” he demands, and you look at him through your eyelashes.

you listen, spitting on him as he groans. “fuck yeah.”

he moves your head down his dick, gagging the further you go. once you’ve fit it in your mouth, he lets go and lets you bob your head.

each time you reach his tip, you smear more of your saliva to drive him insane. it’s sloppy, but it turns you on either way.

his chest heaves, groaning lowly when his dick twitches inside of your throat. the choking and gulping noises have him chuckling. “i’m— shit.” he pauses, rutting his hips upward. “i’m g-gonna cum down your throat, ma. you’d like that, yeah?”

you hum, the vibration shooting through his cock. he grabs your head once again and forces you to stay there when he cums. he bobs your head a little more to make sure you swallow all of it before pushing you so your lips aren’t around him anymore.

you waste no time to stumble to your feet, pulling down your bottoms until they’re in a pile with chris’. he cocks a brow at this.

straddling his lap, you align yourself with him while looking into his eyes with lust. “you have to be quiet. there’s still people on the ride, you know.” he teases, grabbing your hips to pull you down.

you moan loudly at the way he fills you, and he grabs your throat which causes you to stop immediately. “what did i just say?”

you pout, grinding your hips in desperation. “god.” he whispers, pulling you in to kiss you open-mouthed. you whine into the kiss, messily moving your lips on his as if this is the last kiss you’ll ever have.

“open your mouth.” he whispers against them, and you obey. “wider,” he says through gritted teeth, opening open as wide as you can go.

he spits on your tongue, shoving two fingers into your mouth, the three other ones still wrapped around your throat.

your hips now bounce up and down on his dick, rolling your eyes back at how fucking great it feels. your moans are muffled around his fingers, drool making a mess on his digits and the sides of your lips.

it doesn’t take long for his tip to reach your g-spot which has you moving at a more rapid speed.

he removes his fingers and drags them on your bottom lip, looking at how well you take him. either whimpers or high-pitched moans leave you. it gets so bad that chris now has to put his hand over your mouth. “shut up.”

“i-it feels so fucking good!” you whine in his hand. “cu-umming soon.”

because his hand covers your sounds more, you moan as loud as you can once your body starts to shake.

the whole upper half of your body leans back, chris having to hold you so you don’t fall.

he waits until you cum all over his cock to release inside you, slowing down the movements of your hips when he does so.

you collapse on his chest, but it doesn’t last long when the ferris wheel finally starts to move. in all honesty, you forgot you were still on the ride.

the both of you curse, gathering your clothes before the ride reaches the bottom.

when it does, the worker gives you a weird look before opening the door. you grab the bear that you placed across from you guys and walk down the ramp that leads to the ground.

you guys still look dazed, but try your best to hide it.

people may or may not have heard you, but one person saw you…

that poor teddy bear.

𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!

@bunbunbl0gs @lexisecretaccx @thy-mission @angelic-sturniolos111 @sophssturn @mattsneezing @janiellasblog @blahbel668 @meg-sturniolo @hearts4chris @mattslolita @sturnbaby @imwetforyourmom @tillies33ssss @sturnifyed @mayhem-72 @ripmattitude @p1xieswrld @alorsxsturn @txssvx @sttzee @multiluvr @delilahprentiss @matthewsspecial @sturnolio-luvs @sturniolho @suga-daddy-69 @tworosesblackthorn @luckistar-posts @gnxosblog @junnniiieee07 @sturnioloslurps @tylerthecreatorsrealwife @flowerxbunnie @imaslut4kehlani @sturniolosandmoree @hertvgirl @whoreforchrissturniolo @r4iyaa @sturniolotriplettoplover @mattybswife @freshsturns @loverrsposts @saturncanyon @elliesturniolo1

[parkersbliss]

your instagram when dating spencer reid

inspired by @/happiesthotch @/hotchaways :)

Liked by garciagirlie, alexblake and 374 others

ssa(y/n) love his clown feet 🫶🏼

view all 27 comments

spencephd love her baby feet ❤️

rossisrotini I didn’t know they could be nice to each other

→ jjareau she texted me after posting this and said he slam dunked her with a pillow

→ ms_emilyp @/ssa(y/n) use two exclamation points if you need help

→ ssa(y/n) HELP‼️‼️‼️‼️

→ agenthotch wheels up in 20, you heard her

d.morgan oh to see pretty boys feet

→ ssa(y/n) my eyes only 😡😡

→ spencephd im not sure how to feel about this

→ garciagirlie I could get you photos of lots of feet

→ agenthotch I think we need to have a talk about this

→ garciagirlie i meant my feet with fresh new nail polish* 😁

→ agentahotch 😐

liked by therealellew, jjareau and 427 others

ssa(y/n) pov garcia & morgan are on the phone

view all 33 comments

garciagirlie where’s my chocolate thunder

→ d.morgan right here baby girl 😏

→ spencephd we can’t escape them

→ ssa(y/n) but we can do worse ;)

→ ms_emilyp @/agentahotch do something about this

→ agenthotch no

rossisrotini I beg of you both to not become like them

→ spencephd now you’re just tempting us to do worse 🤷‍♂️

→ ssa(y/n) I await those glorious hands of yours, doctor

→ jjareau what have we started

→ ssa(y/n) ITS FOR A MASSAGE CHILL 😭

→ d.morgan could’ve fooled me tbh

liked by itsmattsimmons, d.morgan and 503 others

ssa(y/n) someone didn’t pass the physical fit test

view all 17 comments

d.morgan is he looking for a trainer 👀👀

→ garciagirl no. never again with you.

→ spencephd literally leave

→ jjareau we’re doing just fine without you 😘

ms_emilyp reid looking to outrun his paperwork

→ ssa(y/n) more like reid running to catch some bitches

→ spencephd so I’m chasing after you?

→ ssa(y/n) 😡😡

agenthotch who’s not doing paperwork 🤨

→ rossisrotini exposed like the lazy kids you are

liked by spencephd, agenthotch and 292 others

ssa(y/n) got my bitch <3

view all 19 comments

Spencephd 😐

→ ssa(y/n) notice how you didn’t correct me

→ spencephd can’t even tie her own shoes smh

→ ssa(y/n) LMAOOO that’s what you’re for SIMP

garciagirlie the love birds are at it again

→ jjareau love birds sounds more like enemies these days

→ d.morgan isn’t that the fun in it?

→ ssa(y/n) yes, he literally just threw the shoe at my face 😇

rossisrotini @/agenthotch got another case for ya

→ ms_emilyp that’s the sound of the police reid 🚨

→ spencephd you know statistically, it takes the police an average of 7 minutes to get to the scene. I could be long gone by then.

→ d.morgan I can hear him through my phone

→ spencephd :)

liked by alvarezluke, rossisrotini and 338 others

ssa(y/n) candid of my favorite nerd 🤭

view all 31 comments

spencephd I’ve been exposed 😟

→ ssa(y/n) wanna be exposed in a different way?

d.morgan looks like we got competition @/garciagirlie

→ garciagirlie 😏 been exposed for years to you baby

ms_emilyp 🤢 I’m moving back to london fr

→ jjareau take me with 🙏🏼🙏🏼

→ garciagirlie GIRLS TRIP

→ ssa(y/n) LETS GO

→ ms_emilyp not you ❤️

rossisrotini 🥂 cheers you two but keep it in your pants

→ ssa(y/n) hard to when he’s this fine 😫

→ spencephd actually die

agenthotch this is what we call a hostile work environment

→ d.morgan you weren’t even there for that hotch

→ agentahotch I have my ways

→ garciagirlie please don’t bring back such traumatizing memories

→ jjareau clearly we need to have this conversation again

— END —

want to be tagged in future fics? click here!

read more here!

a/n finally got around to writing some criminal minds stuff 😫

[bookshelfdreams]

Favourite german colloquialisms and idioms

Ein Freund zum Pferdestehlen (lit: a friend to steal horses with) A reliable, loyal, and trustworthy friend, someone you can depend on 100%

Mit jemandem ein Hühnchen zu rupfen haben (lit: to have a chicken to pluck with someone) to have an unfinished argument/dispute/disagreement with someone that one will finish as soon as they see the person again, who will then probably "experience their blue miracle" (sein/ihr blaues Wunder erleben): get their ass handed to them.

Die Sau rauslassen (lit: to let the sow loose) To throw down at a party

Sows are generally an intensifier. Either in wie Sau (as fuck), the adverb saumäßig, or just add the prefix sau- to an adjective of your choice.

Auf dem Teppich bleiben (lit: to stay on the carpet) to quit being overdramatic, to stay grounded in reality and not let emotions take over a debate. Same meaning: Die Kirche im Dorf lassen (lit: to leave the church in the village)

Das geflügelte Wort (lit: the winged word) Figure of speech, idiom

Sich etwas ans Bein binden (lit: to tie something to one’s leg) To burden oneself with something that’s more trouble than it’s worth

Das Leben ist kein Ponyhof (lit: life is no pony farm) Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows

Jemandem den Marsch blasen (lit: to blow the march for someone) to scold someone very harshly. Also: jemandem die Meinung geigen (to play someone one’s opinion on the violin), jemanden anscheißen (to shit on someone)

Auch ein blindes Huhn findet mal ein Korn (lit: even a blind chicken  sometimes finds a seed) A stopped clock is right twice a day

Backfisch (m.) (lit: baked fish) teenage girl; this one's a bit old-fashioned

Nicht alle Tassen im Schrank haben (lit: to miss some cups from the cupboard) To be crazy, insane, idiotic. The things people can miss to express this sentiment are quite diverse (and this is something people really like to get creative with): needles from the fir tree, battens from the fence, lightbulbs from the chandelier, cookies from the jar…

Die Radieschen von unten ansehen (lit: to view radishes from below) To be dead. Variations exist with almost any plant imaginable, most notably tulips and grass

Was die Sonne nicht heilt, deckt die Erde zu (lit: what the sun can’t heal, the earth shall cover) This health problem will either resolve itself or the speaker will die from it, in any case it will be over eventually

Da warst du noch Quark im Schaufenster (lit: Back then you were curd in the shop window) Back then, you weren’t even conceived

Eine (neue) Sau durchs Dorf treiben (lit: to drive a (new) sow through the village) to manufacture short-lived public outrage that will soon be replaced by a new scandal

Hanswurst (m) (lit: Hans Sausage) a ridiculous, funny person, fool, clown (but not an actual clown from the circus)

Man hat schon Pferde (vor der Apotheke) kotzen sehen (lit: horses have been seen vomiting (in front of the pharmacy)) stranger things have happened

wilde Ehe (lit: wild marriage) to live together/have a family together without being actually married

Bauernfänger (m.) (lit: farmer catcher) Conman. Not to be confused with:

Rattenfänger (m.) (lit: rat catcher) political agitator, demagogue

Noch feucht hinter den Ohren sein (lit: to be still wet behind the ears) to be inexperienced/a newbie

Du hast wohl den Schuss nicht gehört (lit: Have you not heard the shot?) Are you out of your fucking mind?

Da sind Hopfen und Malz verloren (lit: hops and malt are lost here) A hopeless case

Völkerverständigung (f.) (lit: understanding between peoples/nations) Getting to know people from other nations, making an effort to understand their culture and showing them yours in turn. The building of international relationships based on mutual respect and equality. Diplomacy. Also: Völkerfreundschaft (friendship between peoples/nations)

Sich den Arsch aufreißen (lit: to rip one’s ass open) to work very hard

Es ist noch kein Meister vom Himmel gefallen (lit: no master has fallen from the sky yet) nobody is born an expert; keep trying and you’ll get there!

Mach mal die Augen zu, dann siehst du was deine ist (lit: close your eyes then you’ll see what’s yours) I heard this a lot as a child and now I never feel entitled to anything, ever

Da geht mir das Messer in der Tasche auf (lit: this opens the knife in my pocket) I think this is infuriating and I’m about to figuratively stab you (loads of expressions for this sentiment but this is my fave)

Kinderstube (f) (lit: children’s chamber) upbringing, education. Someone who doesn’t have Kinderstube has no manners

Waisenknabe / Chorknabe (m) (lit: orphan boy / choir boy) someone who is innocent, virtuous, well-behaved and an all-around lovely person. Often used ironically.

Maulaffen feilhalten (lit: to sell mouth monkeys) to stand around gaping with your mouth open instead of doing something useful

Ach du grüne Neune/liebes Lieschen (lit: oh you green nine/dear Lieschen) oh my!

Käseblatt (n) (lit: cheese sheet) a newspaper of very poor journalistic quality

Jemandem ein X für ein U vormachen (lit: to try to sell an X as a U) To scam or trick someone. Same meaning: Jemanden über den Tisch ziehen (to drag someone over the table). Not to be confused with:

Jemanden/etwas durch den Kakao ziehen - (lit: to drag someone/something through the cocoa) To make fun of or parody someone/something

Steckenpferd (m.) (lit: stick horse) hobby

Da will man nicht tot überm Zaun hängen (lit:  where one doesn’t want to hang dead over the fence) Just to make sure you know exactly how awful this town/village and its inhabitants are

Schnapsidee (f) (lit: schnapps idea) an idea that only a very drunk person would conceive of or consider good

Held im Erdbeerfeld (lit: hero in the strawberry field) Someone who sees themself as a great hero without any real skills/achievements to back this up

Leben wie Gott in Frankreich (lit: to live like God in France) to live the high life

[punktactical]

LOVESICK , caesar clown

★

summary ; loving sex between two lovesick idiots.

warnings ; 18+ content , soft sex , fluff , gender neutral terms used , afab reader , p-in-v , established relationship , loser x slightly cooler loser

a/n ; i wasnt a fan of this guy before writing this but istg after this, i have been converted. im being so real rn writing this CHANGED me. anyways ! thank you @usopp-enjoyer for requesting this ! i had lots of fun writing it <333

★

★

caesar clown, a well-known scientist throughout the world. he's cruel, arrogant, sinister, and evil ! a person like him deserves no love, no affection, no nothing ! and yet, there's you, who gives all of that to him. his loving, kind, and gracious partner.

you praised and pampered him, always showering him in unneeded affection, as monet says. people call you stupid, for falling for a man like that, but you don't care. if anything, he's the stupid one when it comes to you. he might be that evil man he is, but he turns into mush once confronted with you.

caesar was a fool for you, despite the genius scientist he claims to be, he can't resist you, ever. you were divine, ethereal, unreal. he couldn't believe a person so angelic would ever fall for him.

the thing is, you were the one who fell first, he just fell harder. so when he came proposing to you to be his life-long partner in crime, how could you refuse?

you both are utterly and deeply in love with each other, there's no denying it !

★

sex with ceasar is slow, to his disappointment. he'd love to rush things and get his stress out, but you promise him that'll be much more refreshing if you take things slow. you're always right by the end of it, he feels much more relaxed and content, but he'd never admit it.

you both cuddle before, during, and after sex. it's an absolute need, for both caesar and you. he's a needy loser and you're a touch-starved mess, the only thing you two need is each other, always touching.

is there a top and a bottom? not really, you both just lay on your sides and begin feeling each other up. on rare occasion, you'll ride him, if he's feeling extra tired.

you do most of the work, considering how bratty caesar is. he demands to be satisfied first. you don't mind, you know he'll help you reach your release eventually. you'll be patient.

★

laying in bed with caesar, your faces were mere inches away from each other, hot breath fanning each other's faces. you were sliding your cunt over his throbbing cock, coating it in your slick. he hisses, hands gripping your hips. "please- just let me stick it in you already." you chuckle, running your hand across his chest, peppering it in kisses. "can you be any more un-gentlemanly?" your hand wanders to his cock, handling it with care and guiding it towards your entrance.

you slowly begin to sink yourself onto it, throwing your head back and biting your lip. ceasar quickly kisses you, groaning at the feeling of your gummy walls clenching around him. "it's fine. fuck- put the rest in later . . ." he mumbles against your lips, hazel pupils gazing into yours lovingly. "mm . . . i can take it !" sucking up the pain, you pierce yourself on his cock, squealing at the sharp thrust ceasar gives. "shit- m'sorry!! ah- feels s'good though  . . ." you huff, smiling weakly at him. you reach towards his face, kissing him again.

"gonna move . . ." you warn, before lifting yourself up and letting yourself back down, pumping his cock with your wet cunt. he grunts, his thumb rubbing circles into your hip. you continue your movement, quickly picking up a good pace. soon, squelching and skin slapping fills the room, alongside the sweet harmony of you and your husband's moaning. his thumb finds itself rubbing at your clit, making you shriek in surprise.

". . . wanna make you cum first this time- oh fuck !" you whine, capturing him back into another kiss. you both mumble incoherent things against each other's lips but it's guaranteed to be 'i love you' and lots of curses. caesar begins thrusting his hips, hoping to meet your own. you cry, throwing your head back. "no- no! wanna cum at the same time, please- my love. please, want it s'bad !" caesar nods frantically, growling in pleasure. he can hardly contain himself anymore. "fuck- m'sorry ! can't keep going, shit- i love you so much oh fuck !" luckily for him, you were just reaching your peak too.

a coil in your stomach snaps, finally releasing everything you've kept pent up and leaving you breathless. you feel your husband shake for a minute, before your filled with warm, sticky cum. you both huff, not saying a single word, before you cut through the silence with a giggle.

leaning down, you leave a chaste kiss to your lover's forehead, relishing in the way he tries to hide his lovesick smile.

★

[itsjustpoopeh]

smh there are people who read those screenshots of tim's and are saying how horrible he is for throwing a tantrum and how he thinks too much of himself, has no right to hold fandoms emotionally hostage and ugh so sick of these joss whedon types... and im like. what. theeee. actual fuck?

how is THAT a tantrum? how??? where is the immature stomping of feet in those screenshots? what?

that was MILD comparing to how literally any one of these assholes would behave in the same situation. if it weren't a violation of my principles I'd go into the comments on their fics and start demanding things and throwing tantrums to get my way then call them immature for getting mad about me acting a fool in their face

like how hard is it to look at your fellow clowns behavior and say "hold the FUCK up there"

also no one held these immature shitweasels "emotionally hostage". the show is not responsible for their speculations based on unhinged lunatic shit and isn't "baiting" them because they made assumptions because of said unhinged behavior. AND the promo wasn't misleading just because they didn't get the karaoke. they still got the whole party *it was just the karaoke*

let me repeat it was 20 seconds of goddamn karaoke and y'all are sending

D E A T H. T H R E A T S.

about

KARAOKE

I am embarrassed to exist on the same PLANET much less the same fandom

but honestly they're not in the same fandom. normal people are in the 911 fandom and happen to also ship buddie or bucktommy or both or neither or something else or nothing at all. they are strictly in the ✨Buddie Fandom✨ and I ain't want any part of that nonsense

I got money on Tim starting to make buck and Eddie less close again as quickly as possible. back to Kristen tactics. God I clown on her but I might have to start being more sympathetic to her on this single exception

ugh rant over sorry anon

[cloudycaffeinatedcryptid]

In an Everyone Lives scenario, what majors/career paths do you think all the Hacketteers would end up in? Obviously we have animation for Ryan and physics for Dylan suggested in the game but so many people end up changing their majors anyway, I wonder if the experience would lead them on different paths than they’d originally intended.

thank you for making me think about this, it's one thing i've been putting off but i also think about all the time

so right off the top of my head, i think about Max's major a lot & i end up tossing two things around - law school or childcare/teaching. he seems like a level-headed guy, he breaks down situations in pieces until he understand them ("You remember when I said, 'whoa, look at the moon. it's so big and bright and- it's so cool to see a full moon' and you said "yeah no shit, Max, it happens once a month'?"), & also.... we've all seen his outfit in the 50s pack. but i still come back to childcare bc i grew up working in childcare & he just seems the type for it. maybe he got rejected from Landis for law & pursues childcare or teaching at a smaller school instead & ends up one of those teachers that everyone wants to get on their schedule

Laura, the love of my life, the breath in my lungs, is such a headstrong badass that she prolly still pursues her vet degree, altho i can see her minoring/taking a few psychology classes to coach her & Max thru the rough times

Abi definitely finds her way to art school, i just don't see her changing that. i do think she expands from just sketching & gets into different mediums - pottery, possibly sculpting, using charcoal and paint - bc i think she'd find it calming to work with her hands, cover her skin in anything but red, & she'd lean into it for stress relief

uhh Nick is so complicated sometimes that predicting what the absolute FOOL (affectionate) is going to do is impossible. i want to say culinary school but if i'm being honest, i think he would end up dropping out & just working at restaurant. i don't say this bc i hate him, i say this bc he's a clown. (also i may or may not have done the same thing, minus the culinary part) or maybe he becomes a forest ranger & spends time alone in his ranger tower listening to the forest

Jacob i whole-heartedly believe goes for coaching/athletics or something, but he joins the college sports team (prolly football or maybe hockey) & that's the path he ends up following. he definitely has to get a tutor

i think Emma maybe pursues marketing/advertising or something of the sort, but i also think she def starts loading up her schedule. volunteer work? no worries, she can run it. student council? sure, she'll apply. you know, lacrosse sounds rlly fun all of a sudden, she should join the team! & she kills, obvi. if she never thinks about it, it never happened. if she never has time to think, she can never think about it

Kaitlyn.... she's the one i've been thinking about the most. she's such an odd character bc we see so much of her & yet i still feel like we don't know anything about her. her entire character is kind of just "im mean, i know first aid & i can shoot" & then we love her bc she's a badass. which i don't mind but it makes it kind of hard to make theories on her future. i imagine she IS one who ends up switching her major. she prolly starts with what she had planned - maybe an english degree? - but then switches bc hackett's quarry changed her & she'll never stop thinking about it. i like to think maybe she ends up in enviromentalism, or possibly on the nursing track. something to occupy her mind

Ryan & Dylan honestly seem rlly well suited for their majors so i don't know of i can imagine them doing something else. i do think Ryan starts taking self-defense class & prolly makes Sarah go with him just to be sure she knows. just in case. Dylan takes a part-time job at either the school's radio station or a local one, & if he DID drop out, he would 100% start a podcast. all those fanfics are canon

this was rlly fun to think about even tho i'm not sure how accurate they are - i would love to hear other ideas! thank you for the ask :)

[mcbeetlebeeb]

OOOOkaay time to dump homestuck garbage on here cause although only my friends look at my barely active page, I can't ever garble my stupid gobbles out to my friends in actual person so here I am

anyways have some? domestic?? relationship? crap? headcannons 🤷

🫐John Eg fart bert☁️

typw of mfker to be out in public and just rest his head on your shoulder, causally getting groceries? in supermarket? head on shoulder. making fuckin pancake? head on shoulder. literally standing doing nothing? head on shoulder

even if he's shorter, he will do it,

don't doubt him

I think he'd have god awful pick up lines but not, like, offensive or crude, just plain stupif bad- some garbage like

"I'd bring you too the movies but they don't let you bring your own snacks :("

like sneaky almost, some would genuinely be so thought out it'd just smear right over your smooth brain

fuckin- breath pick up lines, always-

"I hope you know CPR! you just took my breath away!"

whata fuckin dork

but he takes pride in that and if your interested in him you automatically become a dork yourself

you can't not get looped in with his garbage movie taste and stupid shenanigans

silly pranks with him

he'd pull pranks on you, matter fact if your his partner he'd probably pull pranks on you the most

genuinely sucha simp-

not clingy simp or overbearing simp just, yknow, can't help but go on and on about his significant other if ever brought up in a situation, probably brings them up just to do that

I think hed show physical affection in soft, gentle ways? nervous.™

like im talking hesitantly moving to hold your hand, or doing that stupid move of yawning and placing your arm around the other person and bringing then closer

holding you by the sides of your arms, gently trailing down to hold your hands

so soft for you, an even bigger dork when its just yall, absolute bafoon, a fool for you I'd even say

he 100000% babbles about you to his friends, and your friends, and you- lmao, his whole friend group will and can not escape his wrath of adoring you

absolutely talking Jade and Rose's ear off about you cause Dave can't take another moment of it-

will tell you how amazing and cute and this and that you are

no hesitation

I think hed be more than comfortable with pda, holding hands?

yes.

face smooches?

absolutely.

picking you up like a damn bag of flour over his shoulder?

indeed.

🪅Gamzee Makara🧫 (gamgee maraca)

gonna be honest with you? probably a bit stinky

and not in like a swamp ass way like, he just distinctly smells like face paint and whatever who's guess at sopor slime smells like if it even has a smell-

mfker looms over you

he doesn't get like half of the words you say into his brain a lot of the time unless you specify its importance

he's trying his best

but regardless of not actually listening to your words, he loves listening to you talk, just speaking, he could stare at your face all day

like- in an unblinking manner but still lovingly

speaking of your face, that's what he'd mostly end up hugging, he's already hunched over a shit load so when he hugs you he just hugs your whole dome to his chest

probably garbles some silliness to you in a drunk/high like state, just holding you impossibly close to him and mumbling some junk like

"YoU..yOu GoT a NiCe..A nIcE fAcE..aNdD..sMeLl GoOd,,..WaRm"

I like to think the higher up on the hemospectrum(?) idk that trolls gradually get like more cold-blooded? if that makes sense?

okay like the higher it goes up the more the troll has a tough time gaining and keeping warm

he'd love warm stuff, like some big cat he'd just flop on it and purr away

you get clown makeup on your face each time he gives you a smooch, I don't make the rules

honestly would sniff you, and like, not subtly like straight "SNIIIFFFF"

can seamlessly re-create the actually honk squeek sound, but yknow, saying honk is much easier

and god forbid he finds you sitting or relaxing

all up in your biz, not like, verbally but he's already waddled over and rested his head on your lap or wrapping his arms around your waist and tugging you closer

I think hed be really mushy gushy over physical affection, not like embarrassed but he just enjoys it greatly and will do anything for you to play with his hair more

tbh a bit scary ngl, like, has that uh, union effect from Steven Universe, just sorta appears sometimes, there, observing,

he'd try and get you to eat sopor slime, he wouldnt force you but he'd definitely like, lean in with a tin of it and try and convince you, but he's not shoving it down ur gullet

probably great at taking snuggle naps, like he could most likely just drape all his limbs over you like some limp cat and just peacefully snooze away

also that whole shit of trolls having nightmares if not all snuggled up in sopor slime?

I love to believe it's canceled out by another person snuggling with them,

and that person is you of course,

you can't leave his presence without like a visable mark somewhere on you that you where around him

wether that be clown make up or sopor slime smeared somewhere on you

or you wearing his shirt, or his incredibly long pants

he's also a dork

I think hed enjoy how squishy humans are in general

he'd hold and love every part of you with a lopsided smile

hugging his arms around your hips as he leaves sloppy kisses against your tummy, smudging clown makeup on you

aahugh sleepiness is kicking in but I don't care I must persist because I'm. GAY.

Dave Strider (who names their child this)

breaking news! he's also a major dork

but in secret?

and an even bigger dork when its just yall

type of mfker to just pour his heart out to you in a way that makes you blank in the brain and then go "haha sorry that was weird" or "my bad that was probably cringe"

so unbelievably soft for you behind door, cannot do pda- for the life of him-

"hey, uh I made us a playli-" "YES."

listening to music with you at any given chance, likes sharing music genres and songs

if you dont make mention of him not smiling or laughing often around others he'll just let himself slip like that yknow?

like he'll giggle and laugh at more things, stupid, silly things,

comfortable with you to say the least

CAPE BLANKET, CAPE BLANKET, CAPE BLANKE-

like mentioned above- if you got the chance to snuggle up close to him he'd drape his silly cape over yall both,

mostly you but 🤷

probably had a god damn coronary trying to figure his feelings out

talking with Rose or John like

"I dunno the fucks wrong with me, my heart hurts and my gut feels likes its in knots like im gonna barf?- "

"you like them dave‐ you like _____."

"....i—.....whuh??-"

stammering and studdering round you like he has a speech impediment, has words in his head but just cannot execute them at all-

not with you around

it legit don't matter to him, he will call you bro, dawg, dude, homie, homeslice? home dawg?

probably would use these in an endearing way tho, just "dude?...bro?" in a loving way

"you have a smoochable face dude"

"...fruity.."

"fuck you-"

very hesitant on touching, not that he minds, he just will mentally perish if he ever made you feel weird

he'd definitely be the mfker to when cuddling with him to just to nestle and nuzzle the top of his head into the crook of your neck

mentioning cuddling- like whilst asleep, he'll still have a part of him touching you, wether it's his foot against your calf or his entire leg draped over you

[caffeine-high]

KIAN KUSHIM?

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING KIAN GOD DAMN FOOL BODY STEALING DUST EATING OLD ASS BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT CARRIER OF THE WHORE RELIC BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING KIAN

THINKS HE KNOWS ALL YET FUCKING LOST TO PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T EVEN OPEN A FUCKING DOOR

KIAN “YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE AWESOMENESS OF MY PLAN” KIAN FUCKING 4000 YEARS OLD YET NEVER LEARNED EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE GIVING 13 YEAR OLD YELLING AT VIDEO GAMES CHIQUE

SPENT 4000 YEARS BEFORE BEING ABLE TO DO RITUALS, LOOSES THEM IMMEDIATELY TO A GIRL WHO ONLY TRANSCENDED FOR THE FIRST TIME A DAY PRIOR

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT KAIN I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP RITUALS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME

if i could go to tenebris and explore the unexplored, but the other side said kian was waiting inside i would piss on the other side’s feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back to reality, i would make a thiago and cesar special and kick that door so hard it gives me damage to close it

if i had to deal with taking kian seriously for one moment of my fucking life not only will i close the tab i will delete every bookmark and generated subtitle out of fucking spite have to watch all of desconjuração again and spend half my life in the manor for the experience of being able to then skip over the parts where kian is mentioned 

yes he has a fucked up backstory to explain how he is, but it does not explain just how much of a fucking child he is wheeeh wheeh you were mean to me so now i have to kill you and keep beating your dead body while shouting about how superiour i am SHUT THE FUCK UP 

if the mask they put him is does not include a fucking gag i will go all eliasbouchard on him

paypal.com/FuckingHateKianKushim every cent goes towards getting merch shipped to places it currently is not

the story should not even be about him, taking 4000 years just to get marked and get noticed by senpai then to looses all of that within a fucking year

mr i am the first occultist mr i know all, mr planned for this his whole 4000 year life and managed to so catastrophically fuck up that within a year it is undone

man’s never heard of the sunk cost fallacy, oh i've already killed thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people truly i cannot stop now FUCKER you can quit at any time ya know best time was 4000 years ago next best time was after the first life you took next next best time after the  second, but truly, the (next*x^n)th best time is right fucking now

handpicked an elite team of marked and they could not even stop hating each other enough to work together and despite that they still worked with YOUR enemies to lock you up

disconjuration? well discon-tinue your fucking story mate 

i fucking hope we know the exact date of your imprisonments because im going to set a reminder in my phone and every year i will see it and i will laugh at this fucker who at the height of his power could not even keep himself composed enough to not sound like a fucking preteen who needs a nap

[ghostrockband]

Aw hell, my place is overrun with baby clowns!!

Seriously i have sacks of these fools and they just keep comin!! Well theres not enough roasted penuts and cotton candy to keep em from gettin too rowdy so im practically givin these little jokesters away!!

I've got pierrots and jesters, ive got mimes and harlequins, little rodeo clowns in the barrels and jacks in the boxes! Please take one off my hands for the low low price of $3 dollars!! Or if you kick me an extra buck (or 2!!) I can dig around in this zany bag-o-buffoons for a specific clown with a specified characteristic (or 2!!) if youre lookin for a friend with a little extra somethin special.

Go to kofi.com/ghostrockband , buy a coffee there, send your reciept to me and you will find yourself with a digitized, bonafide merrymaker right in your inbox!! You can get a randomly selected one for 3 dollars or you can add up to 2 more dollars for up to 2 characteristics that you want to see in your clown!! I cant reach in the bag more than 20 times a day or I'll seriously bust a gut from the awesome jokes and gags these dudes are always pullin but every clown helps, my landlord is starting to get reeeeally sick of the constant japery :oP

Everyones a winner when they buy a baby clown off me, reputable clown seller Rafael Ghostrockband. Lets all have fun getting these fools a forever home :o)

[laugtherhyena]

Playlist listened to while writing; https://spotify.link/WzxvdTKBCJb

Holy shit dude, the ceo of rei angst wrote some rei angst what the HELL!! We have to kill her guys she cant keep getting away with this.

Anyways im gonna be writing about a lot of these nerds. I just love rei. This is really rushed and I am really sleepy so it is not my best writing.

Also i cannot write teruya so you will habe to ppppUT UP WITH IT.

Warnings for like. Violence and my attempt at writing a breakdown.

-

Rei held the rusty pipe like a baseball bat, swinging for a homerun as she smacked off the head of someone she once knew. Someone who had abandoned her long ago.

The rotting head of what used to be her mother rolled on the ground, sickly green skin squishing against the ground and stared up at her with lifeless eyes.

“I didn’t want to see you again like this,” Rei hissed as her chest heaved, “i wanted to see you staring with regret as you saw your daughter on top of the world. I didn’t want to kill you or see you dead.”

That had been the second time she had run into her zombified mother. The first, she had been a coward, unable to kill her and her father– the two people she hated most, the two people who had abandoned her and left her on the streets.

Where had all her rage gone that time. When had she become soft.

-

Midori clung to Ryutaro with all the strength in her frail body. “My brother,” she whispered, “i saw my brother’s corpse down there. Kakeru… he… they got Kakeru… they killed Kakeu…”

He didn’t say much in return, but he did pat her hand briefly– the only comforting action he could manage while carrying her.

“I see a store up ahead. Let’s stop by there for supplies.” Keisuke pointed out to the leader of the bunch.

Setsuka patted the clown on the back and gave him a smile. “Sounds good, lead the way. Maki, do you need me to carry Yamaguchi for a bit?”

Midori wrapped her arms and legs around Ryutaro a bit tighter at the suggestion, very much attached to the guy who had found her and saved her from zombies.

“I’ll be fine until we reach the stop.” The blonde nodded his acknowledgement to the bluenette, forcing a smile as he struggled to catch up.

The group walked in silence for a bit, the only sounds being the orchestra of distant zombie groans.

“Miss Yamaguchi,” Hikaru said after bit, his tone fatherly like usual, “may I check your pulse soon? And may I check if the swelling on your ankles has gone down?”

“Yeah, that… sounds good. Thank you, Uncle.”

-

Kanata removed the bandages from Ayame’s arm gradually.

“There isn’t any sign of infection, Hatano. Kinjo and Maki are still out, so… uhm… can I get you something to eat?” The surgeon spoke softly as she stared at the sprinter.

“I’m not hungry…” Ayame mumbled.

“Inori!” Tomori slammed the door open, her eyes sunken from lack of sleep, “i think i got bit. Check! Check, please!!”

Kanata bit back a sigh of exasperation and forced out her cheerful smile. “Of course. Where do you think you were bit this time?”

“My ankle. They went after my ankle so I couldn’t run! They’re going to eat me. I’m going to die, aren’t I? Oh, god, I’m going to die!” The cheerleader’s words were jumbled together and practically nonsensical. She grabbed onto Kanata’s shoulders as she spoke, her nails digging into the other’s lab coat and pressing her skin uncomfortably.

“Miss Tomori,” Kanata winced, “please let go of me. I will check your ankle, but I am sure you are fine.”

“I’m not fine!” Kizuna wailed before glaring accusatory daggers at Ayame. “If you… if you hadn't gotten yourself bitten! If you had just seen that bitch for what she is! We wouldnt be doomed! You’ve doomed us all!”

Ayame took the words without fighting back. What had been the point in fighting anymore? Kizuna was right. She had doomed them all.

“Miss Tomori, please… Taira had us all fooled… if Miss Hatano is to blame, then so are the rest of us…” the blonde murmured. “Please sit down so I can check your ankle…”

-

Mindless. Kinji was mindless. His faith had only been able to spare him for so long.

His teeth were decayed now. His skin was green and purple and yellow. His eyes were dull. His cheeks were sunken.

It was incredible that his mind stayed intact long enough for him to bury as many as he did. The only bodies he didn’t put 6 feet under, the only bodies he couldn’t handle burying, were those of the people he knew.

But what was the point?

-

Yuki held his stomach as he choked up and spat out the last meal he had, beans that had barelt even begun to digest.

“Urgh… gross…” he mumbled to himself.

Shinji was away at the moment, scouting out for the next safe place for them to go and likely trying to find his family in the process.

The lucky student fought back envious tears. At least they knew there was a chance that Shinji’s family was alive– they found his mother, Aiko, brutally murdered in the Maeda household. Her corpse was bloated and rotted when they found it.

The sight still haunted his dreams. He couldn’t even keep.meals down since he saw it.

-

Mikako peered into her brother’s lab. He hadn’t eaten in quite some time, nor had he slept.

“Yamato…” she whispered hesitantly.

He spun around with a dart ready in his hand. He only lowered it after he registered it was her.

“Mikako, I’ve told you to leave me alone. I need to find a cure, or no one will be safe.” The inventor turned back to his work and threw a crumpled up piece of paper to the side.

“I’m sure someone else is searching for a cure, Yamato. Why not try to make a vaccine? Some sort of immunity would help while someone else finds a cure.” The exorcist suggested.

Her brother didn’t seem to have heard. That, or he was ignoring her.

“Ah… nevermind.” She straightened her back and spun on her heel to hunt down their other classmates.

For the newcomers, Satsuki was putting on a performance– juggling empty bottles and broken gadgets whilst telling jokes. That could not be safe, but Haruhiko seemed to have his eyes on her.

The bunker door heaved open, and Teruya’s team came in, carrying boxes full of food and other supplies.

“We’re back with dinner!” The merchant shouted.

Mikako rushed over to take the box from him.

“Thank you, Otori, this should be good for at least a week. You and your scavenger team did good.”

He grinned at her and handed his box over. “Thanks! We uh…” he hesitated, “We saw Taira and Maeda… err… Utsuro? On our flight back… they looked like they were heading somewhere… dunno where…”

She bit her tongue and nodded thankfully at him. “Thank you for telling me.”

-

Thats it. Im hungry good bye.

Aw yeah infection Au moment! I do remember you saying a while back that you wanted to write something about Rei in this Au and MAN her part has gotta be my favorite out of these little snippets.

I really like taking a look at how a bunch of the cast is doing, seeing the way you wrote them in those situations was pretty fun! It reminded me how much i like the idea of Setsuka's like group with the 6.5 cast and how Kanata probably wishes she has a degree in psychology to properly deal with Ayame and Kizuna (she may feel as if she's not doing enough for them seing as her kindness can only bring her so far when dealing with their turmoil)

[stormyoceans]

i've abandoned anonymity

but this scene is also gonna happen right. HOW DO WE PLAN TO RECOVER?

HI FRIEND HELLO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY BUT I NEEDED AT LEAST 3 DAYS TO RECOVER FROM EPISODE 5 BEFORE EVEN STARTING TO CONTEMPLATE WHAT AWAITS US IN EPISODE 6 BECAUSE BOY OH BOY WE’RE GONNA BE IN FOR A RIDE SO WE ALL BETTER BUCKLE UP

the way they’re gonna go from outright flirting with each other and being absolutely fond smitten delighted idiot fools in love ready to finally go on an actual dinner date to pain suffering torment agony anguish sadness despair?????

AND I HAVE A HUNCH ON WHO’S TO BLAME FOR THIS [GETS SLIPPER READY] (i don’t wanna reveal too much because while it’s not exactly a spoiler, since it’s a hint from the bts pictures that were shared during filming, i still don’t wanna ruin anyone’s fun)

but then again i’ve been moving like a clown all this time thinking this was gonna be episode 11 WHEN IT’S ACTUALLY EPISODE 6 (INSANITY) so. i could definitely be reading this wrong ;;;;;;;; that picture does seems to be pretty heavy and gloomy and sad BUT WHAT IF IT'S JUST VERY DECEPTIVE AND WE'RE GETTING A CONFESSION INSTEAD

THE POINT IS. IM AFRAID NO AMOUNT OF THERAPY IS GONNA HELP US RECOVER FROM THIS EPISODE OR THIS SHOW IN GENERAL WE SIMPLY HAVE TO ACCEPT OUR FATE