#IM . IM A *SLUR* I CANT HELP IT
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hey so I got into clownzy and I actually can't take it anymore
#clownzy#lifesteal smp#minecraft#clownpierce#branzycraft#i cant get out help#lifesteal yaoi is too much#im sobbing#these f slurs i swear#HOW are they straight
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NOT THEM ASKING MY GENDER??
#TF AM I SUPPOSED TO Say#NOT BOY FOR SURE#THEY SAY THE N SLUR DAILY I CANT SAY IM TRANS#help#had to come out as bi tho
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Got called a Lady kinnie for the 40th time and it hurts just as much as it did the first fime. Dude just call me a faggot i beg you
#/SILLY#f slur#i can reclaim it fellas#carols.txt#my craziest post (i say this under everything i post)#this is jokingly but i physically have to look at myself in the mirror and be like 《a lady kinnie... ME?》#HAIHSUAHSIAHSJSBFF#《what could possibly make you think that》 i have the lady as every pfp and i talk about her all the time and shes my girlfriend also#HELP HELP HELP#the most insane insult is comparing me to her bc its lowkey true i also cant clean after myself and have interest in magic practices ->#and have long dark hair and huge dark eyes and look like the autism creature and have long nails#.................... ok now#HELP#im joking im joking im definitely not the lady. exhibit 1 i am not asian#exhibit 2 i love kids#exhibit 3#i dont have any more exhibits#uh#WAIT IM NEURODIVERGENT#my ladies candidate era?#BELP#ok enoigh this is insane enough as a sequence
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Holy shit!!
🌈🍓 genshin fan? On this webbed site????? Are we imagining things????
ya sorry im not radqueer i just like radkitty am transid though and dont care what people do or identify as as long as they dont hurt people ^^ (enless its like cnc i love nuance) and i dont like antiradqueers because ive never met 1 that wasnt ok with me dieing or erasing parts of me to make there worldview true speaking as an ex anti (my partners are genshin radqueers though!! lala is hsr themed right now and angel left tumblr because of harrasment)
!!!im also technicly a xiao fictive but the system disappeared!!!! waves!!!!! am every au and canon!!!! do you want to play together sometime??
#ive made posts about how being transage is litteraly not optinal for me i am to disphoric not accsepting myself was genuinely dangerious#let me die to make the worldview true and whayever its called when you make a transabled positivity post because your in to much pain to si#up and knowing that some people see something worth wanting it that made me feel better and then get called the r slur repeatedly#untill i stop being openly (cis) autistic for a while#i think that was when i realized how aweful antitransid ideology is#anyways welcome to my blog!!! i like to disappear for 3 days and then ramble at anyone that talks to me and sound inconsistent because word#hard if you ignore my wording at look at the idea its the same every time i just have to talk we ball style or i cant say anything#even though my tech keeps failing i really want to record games and i joke to myself that im gonna help transstreamers transition#by inviting them to record a game with me#:3#pup talks
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#i figured this would be better suited for a separate post continuing from here#I've had people get angry at me for giving Steve a proper strongman build - thus making him fat and muscular in the process#ive gotten people mad at me for making him his direct colorpicked skin tone. got told I made him ''the wrong color'' for it#got called slurs#got told i need to just ''take a joke'' when im getting right fully angry at people telling me im wrong for making his AU design that way#been quite literally told our art looks ''ugly as hell'' when people ran out of bigoted arguments#its all just getting really hard and really tiring to keep doing what i love when everyone is vocal about hating it#and very few people are vocal about liking it#i do art for me dont get me wrong. and people have been supportive.#but i cant help but wonder if anyone would have even cared about the mega ref at all if it hadn't been surrounded by people full of hate#its just hard to stay motivated and put my all into something that's gotten so much backlash for stupid reasons you know#i've been putting so much love into my work surrounding this AU lately. my writing and my art. for over the past year now#i try not to ask anything in return other than for people to just pay attention to it at all. give it a reblog#but the one time we have something out of it become popular its because people are stupid and bigoted#i dont care about numbers this isnt about that. i just care about returning the passion i put into the world.#if anyone wants to send anything my way feel free. i could use it#sorry for venting
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everything is in turmoil!!
#i dont know if i can do this..#i ideally need to be out of here by sunday. if i stay any longer ill need to pay roughly $60 a day.#ive already accumulated debt with the power company. i cant have moms phone shut off yet so theres more debt to accumulate#need a storage unit. need to sort through a whole apartment of shit. need to move 6 cats. fill out forms. find other forms.#try to get an appointment with social security. try to get disability and/or emergency financial help.#gotta move into a modular home infested with dog feces and smells like piss and cigarettes#gotta hear right wing bs and slurs for god knows how long#gotta deal with my dad and by proxy step mother breathing down my neck about getting a further education and career#i just want everything to stop.. the only reliable people i have near me think my mental disorders are crutches i can will away#and the only people who believe they ARE a problem are unreliable and insufferable#i cant do this i feel like im having a panic attack 24/7 i feel trapped and lost and miserable and hopeless#i cant rely on other people for everything forever but i dont know what im doing. i dont know anything.#why did this have to happen? why do i need to prove worthy of shelter and food of my own? i cant think like this#all i can do is type and feel a thousand times more useless than i ever did before#i want my mom back. it wasnt supposed to happen like this.
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like i think it is baffling to me how ive only seen one person ever discussing the immense amount of racism in this book because this is like. shes been powering up her racism in her writing to blast out with this bullshit. like this is so fucking gross.
#twist rambles#vc posting#antiblackness#on WHAT earth do u not consider the fact that these white bird ppl r owning these Black people and created them for their purpose. solely t#reproduce. like she cant help herself w the good slave owner adjacent shit even if its supposed to be parental#it is still referred to these bird ppl owning htem and using them for their purposes. this is so vile i need her to die again#i just. jesus christ. jesus. i can see why the fandom is so racist now bc the source material is chock full of this shit and no one examine#it ever bc haha just toxic gothic romance books ^-^ dont ask about louis owning slaves or the amt of slurs lol ^-^#sorry i just. im not trying to fill the dash with how bad this is but oh my fucking god. and how do none of the top goodreads reviews#mention ANY of this shit. i just. in 2016. she was ELDERLY. she should have died before writing this.
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It's an odd comfort to experience a Bad Fibromyalgia Time after a long long period of not having this intensity of it.
Like it sucks slsjskdjd of course but
Very validating to experience some of the moderately severe symptoms and realize "wow this fucking sucks, this isn't normal at all, most people do not deal with this and I did a great job at surviving this for years. I deserved way more credit than I myself. Good job, past-me. You were goddamn tenacious."
The validation is nice
#sorenhoots#cold sensitive is. attacking me. i got used to 'never gets cold anymore' and right now its like mid 60s and i cant feel anything below my#knees cos theyre numb from cold. and i am scrolling tumblr on my phone with a very strategically placed blanket keeping my body heat near#my hands. otherwise they go numb and i can't do anything with them. WHICH EXPLAINS A LOT OF WHY I WAS ALWAYS NURSING SOME SORE#TENDON OR MUSCLE. i never had proper bloodflow for maintenance and so everyday wear-and-tear accumulated into chronic disability until i#eventually would cripple myself trying to wash my hair (sorry for using a slur; i choose to use it because i have emotional attachment to#the world from a lifetime of this nonsense). and then id need help putting on my shirt for six weeks until i nursed it back to usability at#which point id have fucked up the other arm overusing it. goddamn.#im finding a lot of small secrets to coping with these things. a onesie can be treatment for cold sensitivity. laying on a small pillow can#treat GI issues if it helps align your tubes. why not lol doctors never had answers so i am just vibing. i advise going to a doctor tho. and#if they have good advice pls tell me lol
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every time i see people making posts about the sad state of the sunny wiki i take ten points of psychic damage and then run off to fix whatever the fuck someone has mentioned
#and if you go back to see it and notice it's all been completely rewitten just know i am lurking. please help me#the amount of work for one person is. incredibly overwhelming. but im trying my best hdjsbjd#not having active mods for 12 years will do that to a wiki!#not the first long dead wiki ive resurrected but the bones of the sunny wiki are. frankly. absolute shit#ada speaks#tfw you go to edit a page and fandom spam filter pops up informing you that there is a racial slur on the page#and you cant publish your edit until it's been deleted.#the fact that these pages were written and HAVE NOT BEEN TOUCHED since before they implemented a spam filter 💕💕💕#anyway i started in on mac's page. its been reformatted. the actual content is still hot garbage but#structurally it matches dennis and charlie's now#which means... eventually#when i am not Dying.#i can rewrite it#add a proper fucking recap#charlie's page was worse than mac's but dennis' was just. good god.#well. nothing was worse than dennis' fucking subpages#dennis' mental illness subpage you will not be missed#absolute garbage fire of a page. nothing even CLOSE to what a wiki page should look like#speculation has no place on a fcking wiki
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I try not to engage in any arguments on instagram because no matter what's the discussion about, I have a furry pfp and pronouns in my bio so it would always eventually just turn into people bullying me or being straight up transphobic and/or ableist. And honestly it's gotta be good for my mental health, not arguing with people online, me being openly a furry prevents me from getting into pointless arguments 👍
#tho one time i got baited into an argument in a comment thread under a random meme video#where i literally just made a joke comment about the meme and a bunch of dudes decided to jump on me for being a furryvand trans#so since then i avoid making comments in general honestly#at least under strangers posts#but also. its so frustrating sometimes#when theres a genuinely serious problem in the comments but i can't say anything bc i will just get shit on just bc of my pfp#like. i just saw a reel that was like#europeans making fun of america being racist. also europeans when they see g slur people#im not actually sure if thats a slur but i dont wanna risk it. romani people#and the comments were just. agreeing with the post as if thats a good thing#genuinely talking about them in disgusting ways#and yknow its annoying to see that kind of shit and knowing that if you try saying anything youll get shredded to pieces#anhway its 4am and i cant sleep cause my oaws still hurt help#bee buzz
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i have such a specific kind of distain and guilt for how i was raised, like a guilt and shame abt how i cldve just been normal - even tho ik why i acted the way i did yk? like i had another person of management tell me she was proud of me, for . and i quote 'picking myself from the pubes n forcing myself to learn how to b a person' n tht rlly hit me in the moment of how i rlly need to learn how to b proud of myself but cant help but feel such a deep shame and guilt in moments like rn, where ive been sitting on the ground outside of work for 45 mins bc i cant drive . i dont have the Means to learn how to drive, im 24 yrs old n my entire life was told 'u are too retarded to drive, im pissed u wont drive but u are mentally incapable of doing so' - and being stuck in a position of being a fully functional adult and still having to wait at 11:30pm for an uber to get me bc i wasnt allowed to be an adult until it was too inconvenient to keep me under their control. whatecer its crazy
#diary#r slur#i cant help but feel such a deep jealousy for my peers#i know i need to learn to b proud of myself but it gets so overshadowed by jealousy shame and guilt. crazy how i grew up the way i did w#the batshit insane family i did and im still learning how to grow. im trying so fucking hard to b a good and#functional person n its so hard this is so hard#i cant wait to have cereal when i get home
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BTW ive been watching a bunch of life on mars (UK VERSION 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧‼️‼️) and its sooo good. crazy funny and awesome too
#s1 finale…. [explodes]#s2e2 in particular.. maybe was just my mood earlier but i was having yo stop myself crying over every joke#but ohhh the s1 finale. it got me!!!!! it rlly did. the pain#i do love how they use the 70s setting so well. and also to be able to have sam be called a different gay slur every ep (deserved)#sam is crwzzzyyy fucking funny. guy who sucks so bad and is fucked in the head and everyone wants to kill him#trans guys i dont support ^^^^#s2 im loving bc of how much more settled sam is into the dynamic and the banter and shit even tho hes still a fucking freak every day#annie is the best most lovely girl in the universe ever. i have issued w how shes written butttt i cant even get too mad. shes adorable#sam: arghhh.. my twisted mind… nobody understands… none of this is real#annie: seek mental help 💖💖💖💖 you little freak#i liked when she threatened to shoot hunt. made me giggle#bummer s2 doesnt have subs on netflix but its not make or break for me. just mildly annoying cus theres lots of road noise where i live#also lol i love how sam in the pilot the main conflict was abt his (ex?) gf and then she was never mentioned ever again#he is not beating the gay allegations#ok night night for realsies now
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the new season of The Friends Who Smile is great and ive really enjoyed it so far. but i cant help but realize every character that is fatter than charlie is treated like shit
#like. im sure im misremembering Some parts. since i dont remember alot of parts from episodes. but like. first episode#the ceo is represented by a fat fuck who Only eats. even in death he eats. and he cant get around without the help of that guy#second episode. im pretty sure the president is fat. hes constantly shown as unsanitary to the point of eating rotten lamb and having to#wear an adult diaper. he calls himself the fucking r slur. his mouth is covered in food residue.#most recent episode. one of the people in the ufo club is portrayed as Really Fat. the only thing they do is throw up on themselves#from overeating. like. please god tell me someone else sees this shit#i know i shouldnt really. expect much. from a show whos creators were apparently popular on new/grounds(??? i think)#knowing how the site used to be (and probably Still Is.) but like. idk. even though charlie is fat#and p/i/m Isnt Skinny. the other fat characters on the show are still. very. Hm.#the new season exceeded my (Very Very Low) expectations but its still. really really weird. in some areas#and seeing people act like nothing is wrong with it is really weird. im not gonna outright say the show is bigoted because i dont think#it is. but knowing the creators and where they got their humor from. its not gonna surprise me if they pull some stupid shit in later#episodes or s3 (which was announced. btw.)
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btw donnie has a 'stupid laugh' (because i have a stupid laugh) it sounds cartoony and very goofy, and it makes everyone else laugh when they hear it. He's a little insecure about it, but he rarely laughs so its not a thing he thinks about often. He would laugh at something once and be like "right. thAts how my laugh sounds like..."
Anyways, shout out to people with goofy laughs, especially people who are told their laugh sounds dumb. come here 🫶🏾
Donnie doodles with that one cool brush from TikTok. The bedatine brush or bromine or whatever. And I made it purple because donnie. is. purple 👍🏾
#when i laugh which is very rare btw. It always sounds like 📉📉📉 idk how to explain it but ive been called the r slur over my laugh before#and it made me cover my mouth and not laugh as a kid. now im so bad at emotions i bascially never laugh at least not geuinley and -#i feel bad that i listened to peoples because i think my laugh was cute and funny. my siblings say that when they hear my laugh they cant-#help but laugh at how silly it is. i miss being able to laugh genuinly i dont even remember the last time i was out of breath from laughin#anyways rant over#tmnt omniverse#tmntov#tmnt donnie#the dib speakz!!#rants
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this week at work I finally ate enough so I didn't feel like complete shit during my shift and I realized that I don't think the guy who knows I have an ed or any of my other coworkers have seen how I act when I actually have energy and aren't totally depressed and stressed
#like in a totally different person i just have so much more energy and so bubbly#like im still very quiet but in the last it wasent uncommon for ppl to think i was high because of how i naturally act#im just so much more happy i kinda miss it tbh it sucks to either be skinny and mean or normal and happy#why cant i be skinny and happy😭#also having multiple sppech issues like slurring my words & stuttering#& just straight up not bejng able to pronounce certain sounds consistently doesnt help my case when ppl ask me if im high
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theres this pack of like middle schoolers who keep coming into the fucking store and harassing us and its to the point where we’re almost calling the cops over it like they make a mess of the store and they were being homophobic and harassing my one coworker and theyve sexually harassed my framing manager on two separate occasions its like its so fucking crazy i hate these kids so much
#they bring their bikes in and park in the vestibule#im on register rn i was helping some woman and her daughter and i see like 6 kids on bikes come in#and im on my walkie like The Kids Are Here#and the woman looks at me like 😧#like lady you dont even know the full extent !!!#brot posts#they came in last night too and utterly wrecked the store in the TWO MINUTES they had been inside#before my manager rounded them up and got them out#luckily i walkied her and she got here right in time to stop them before they could even properly enter#like we’re at the point where they just cant enter thr store without a parent anymore they just get instantly kicked out#and if they dont comply then we call the police#but luckily they do leave they just literallt scream at the top of their lungs the whole time#like fake sobbing and everything like shut the fuck up already#you dont get to throw slurs at my coworker and then sexually harass my framing manager and then cry when we kick you out
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